#i wish the last time wasnt when we were young and drunk

[subpixie420]

I told ChatGPT that I occasionally think about making love to you

Because who else can I tell?

[holylacydoll]

Like okay im rambling in the tags at this point but whatever idc goodbye

[kaz11283]

ok ok idk if ur still taking request but can i have a drabble or a one shot or anything of loki dealing with/ taking care/ drinking with drunk y/n??? i’m drunk rn and that’s allll i need in life

Babysitter

The party at Starks compound was going off without a hitch, celebrating the man himselfs birthday. The music was to loud, lights flickering everywhere, and laughter bouncing off the walls.

"Come drink with us y/n!" Thor bellowed to you across the bar montioning you to follow him to the group that was sitting around one of the back tables. You flopped down next to Loki and let out a sigh.

"How are you this evening y/n?" He asked moving his leg over slightly so that he wouldnt have to touch you. That was your power, being able to read people minds with a simple touch, nights like tonight all ways set you on edge with to many people bumping, shoving, touching. The whole atmosphere drove you mad most of the time.

"Handling it." You forced a smile looking over at him. "Alcohol helps repress it." You said picking up your drink and giving a silent cheers to the handsome man that had decided to dress in a black dress shirt and dark colored jeans. You threw your head back and took the shot.

"Starting the party stong this evening y/n?" Tony asked raising his eyebrow at you.

"Putting everyone elses thoughts on the back burner for tonight Tony." You said smiling sweetly at him before taking another shot.

"So whos on babysitting duty tonight then?" Bucky laughed looking around the table.

"I'm not that bad-"

"Thor had to pull you off the bar last time before you started stripping." Your face turned bright red as you glanced over to Thor whos face was the same color mounthing out sorry.

"Dont worry I've got her this time." Loki laughted taking a sip of his wine.

"Babysitter." You rolled your eyes again taking a sip of the mixed drink that Nat had put in front of you making sure her hand grazed your.

Loki seems quite excited to be on babysotting duty tonight, you might be in for another private stripping session tonight.

You shot her a look that sent her into a fit of laughs.

"Another round then!" Thor yelled at the bar tender. "We are celebrating the Man of Iron tonight." You sighed slouching back in your chair.

"Relax, darling, I've got you tonight." Loki whispered leaning over to you. "I won't let you make a complete fool of your self."

As the night grew so did your buzz, your cheeks were getting warmer, and the dress you had on now started feeling constricting. You started pulling at the bottom and then neck.

"Your fidgeting darling." Loki said placing his hand on your leg causing you to jump.

"My dress is to tight. I just need to get up for a second." You said standing to walk over to the bar.

"Dress to tight?" Steve asked looking over at Loki.

"She had to get up for a moment." At that moment there was whistling coming from the dance floor.

"Umm, babysitter." Tony said pointing behind Loki. As he turned around he noticed that you had already started to pull the dress up more than you should have. Loki jumped up running toward you.

"Y/n, what are you doing?" He said grabbing your hands causing your dress to fall back down.

"Lok, I'm hot. So freaking hot. This dress, its to tight. I need it off." You said trying to shake him off.

"Come on then, lets get you out of here." He said pulling you out the door. You bumped into a man standing near the door.

Wish she would have finished. He doesnt deserve to be able to see all that undressed.

You stopped suddenly looking at the man before raring back and punching him in the face. "I dont think its any of your concern who sees me like that." Loki stopped and stared at you before escourting you out of the crowed room.

"Asshole." You huffed behind him. He was able to lead you to the floor where his room was. "You could have just taken me back to my room so that you could go back." You sighed flopping down on his bed. The buzz had slowly started wearing off but the room was still spinning.

"Its ok y/n. Besides if I'm taking care of you then I cant go back to that overrated party then can I?" He laughed sitting next to you.

"I get so tired of being able to hear what people are thinking. It is literally exhausting. Trying to find somewhere to sit thats not to close to someone. Especially one of the guys, all of yall are perverts. Course the girls are just as bad most of the time." You put your head in your hands tearing up. Nope, the drunk still wasnt over.

"The power that you have makes you you y/n. If you didnt have that power you wouldnt be here with your friends."

"Yeah friends that I can hug because im afraid that I might hear something that I shouldn't. I made that mistake once. I hugged Steve not even thinking and he was thinking about Nat. Like thinking about something that no one but those two should know about. After that I just stopped touching everyone. Do you know how bad that sucks?"

"Ah, touch starved." He said laughing. "May I try something?"

"Its no use, everyone tells me they can shut it all off but theres always something on their minds." You shrug.

"Give me your hand." He saod placing his hand out palm up. You begrudgingly put your hand in his causing him to smile. "Well?"

"I think im about to be sick." You said jumping up and running to his bathroom silently thanking Tony for sticking with one layout for every room.

"Oh dear." Loki said following you in there and grabbing ahold of your hair that had fallen. "I think you will live." He helped you sit on the side of the bathtub as he got a clean rag for you to whip your face.

"I'm sorry you got stuck with me tonight." You whispered closing your eyes.

"Stop that nonsense. I volunteered for it. I knew what was coming." He laughed as he walked out to his room to get you a clean shirt. "Now tell me. Did you hear anything when I touched you?"

"Actually no, I didnt even realize it when you was pulling me from the party." You said putting the shirt next to you. "How?"

"I can 'turn it off' if that makes any sense. Telepathic people drive me insane. Always trying to figure out what your thinking. I learned at a young age how to block stuff like that out. Wanda tends to be the worlds worst."

"Its nice. The quiet. I havent had that, ever." You leand your head aginst the cool wall closing your eyes.

"Hey, no no no. Lets get you changed and laid down in bed before you pass out." He pulled you to your feet and looked at you. "Do you need assistance?"

You laughted as him. "No. Its fine ive got this." You pulled your dress off and pulled his on before walking out and flopping down on his bed.

"Do you mind holding my hand? Its nice not having to worry about what i might hear." Loki laid down beside you and placed his hand in yours.

"If you ever need some quiet time you are more than welcome to come find me." He sais placing a kiss to your temple before you fell asleep.

Thank you so MUCH for the request! I hope you like it. I had one, erased it and restarted so thats what took took me so long to write this one. If you have any more please feel free to send them in!

Tag List:

@high-functioning-lokipath

@serpentargo

@drbaureid

@poetic-fiasco

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@rosaline-black

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@natandersonnla

@delightfulheartdream

[floatinginwords]

Saved by the Devil (11/?) - Tommy Shelby

Summary: You go to the garrison and hang with some of the shelbys.

Paring: Tommy Shelby x Fem!Reader (not romantic yet..but i swear we are getting there thank you to those who are reading who are bearing through it all.)

A/N: Took me two nights to write but it made me really excited for the upcoming chapters...almost had a heart attack when my laptop froze and i couldn't remember whether or not i saved the doc thankfully i did. So enjoy and please have a lovely night

The young boy led you through the streets of Birmingham. He was quick around the corners, almost blending in with the shadows on the walls as if it was second nature. The two of you end up in front of the same bar that Thomas had patched you up. The Garrison. Silently the two of you walked in together. You awkwardly sit down near the bar. The boy takes off his cap and stands by the door. He just watches you.

 “You gonna babysit me, kid?” You cock an eyebrow up, hoping that that wasnt the case.

He doesn’t answer. Guess that trait runs in the family.

 You  shrug and hop off the chair, deciding that you wanted a glass of water. You go behind the bar, looking for a faucet.

 “You’re not suppose to go back there.” Finn says.

 “Your brother owns this place, eh? Tell him to charge me later.” You say toasting to the air, greedily gulping down the entire glass.

 The silence envelopes you again. And you begin thinking, regretting not going home last night. You remembered everything you said. And you hate that you did. You hoped to yourself that he wouldn’t bring any of that stuff up. You didn’t need any further embarrassment.

Finn moves to sit down on one of the chairs.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be, kid?” You ask feeling bad if the kid was just stuck here with you.

But before he could ask, another figure walks through the door. It was the older woman from before. What did Thomas call her? Polly.

She stops walking as she notices the presence of others immediately. She sees Finn first, then you behind the bar. Her eyes send daggers to you. You notice her eyes are red and puffy.

 “You again?” She sneers.

 You swallow. Usually you weren’t very scared of people but this woman had you quaking in your skin.

 You open your mouth, to say who knows what when Polly decides to disregard you completely. “ Finn, what the hell is she doing here?” She asks the boy.

 “tommy said to bring her here.” Finn answers.

 “And where is he?”

 The boys eyes glance to you then beck to his aunt. Polly seems to catch on to whatever he was trying to say with his eyes because she nods.

 “Okay, finn go on now.”

 “Tommy told me to stay here.”

 “Well im here now.” She says this time her stare directed toward you.

 Finn huffs and rushes out the door, leaving the two of you alone. Polly doesn’t take her eyes off of you. Even as she sits and takes off her jackets, her eyes were trained on you the entire time. She takes a cigarette out and lights one end, her shoulder relaxing just a bit as she sits back.

 “You gonna be the new barmaid?” She sighs.

 “Excuse me?”

 “Just tommy has a bit of a type.” She exhales a ring of smoke.

 You walk away from the bar at her words and sit back in your seat. “No, im not a barmaid.”

 “A whore then?”

 “Not even close.”

 She smiles at you but its not a kind one. Its condescending. As if shes laughing at you instead of with you.

 “Then what are you?”

 What you wanted to say was none of your business, why do you even care, what’s your problem with me. But you held your tongue back. Trinity would cheer you for your self-control. Usually, your mouth ked you to all kinds of trouble. And right now, you didn’t want that. Especially with a Shelby.

 You can feel her stare as she continues to stare at you. You dare to meet her eyes and for a moment its as if your having a staring contest across the room. And then her eyes widen.

 “(y/fn) (y/ln)…”She whispers as if she just finally recognized your face.

 You tilt your head a bit. You certainly did not tell her your name. You don’t remember that. You wait for polly to continue as you watch the women lift a hand to her mouth mockingly.

 “You know you look just like your father.” You can see the smirk behind the hand.

 “How’s Michael doing?” You ask already regretting saying anything.

 ‘So much for holding my tongue’ you think to yourself.

 The woman strides over to you fast, knocking down her own chair in the process. Shes quick as she grabs a pocket knife out of her bra and holds it under your chin. You don’t flinch or make a move. Though you were shitting your pants, you make the effort to not seemed intimated by her. But the crazed look in pollys eyes tells you she doesn’t care about that.

 “I could slit your throat right here right now and leaving you choking on your own blood. Don’t ever say his name again. Got it.” Polly threatens. You can feel the knife poke a bit more harshly under your skin as she speaks.  

 “I believe you,” You say not wanting to anger her more. You definitely did not want any more issues with anybody else, especially with a Shelby, “I’m sorry.”

Polly looks at you stunned, as if an apology was the last thing she would expect from your mouth. She slowly lowers her knife from your throat and steps away from you. You both say nothing.

It feels as though the silence last for years, until the door swings open again, revealing Thomas Shelby. He steps slowly, hands in pocket, with a neutral expression on his face.

 “Ladies.” He says, moving past the two of you, heading toward the back.  

 Polly rolls her eyes as Tommy disappears. She glances one more time at you before she leaves herself. You sigh as soon as you’re sure shes gone. Your feet move to follow wherever Thomas went. You find him on the phone, leaning against the wall. His eyes meet yours, they doont leave yours as he speaks into the phone.

 “Yes, Ill be there sometime this week. Need to see how my horse is doing, of course.” You can hear Mays giggles on the other end.

 You wonder what they’ve done together. You can see the hint of mischief behind his eyes. And the flirtatious giggle May is sounding off on the line. You know something must have went down between the two of them. Or at least something was bubbling. A wave of nausea rolls off you. You dismiss it as an effect from not eating anything.

 He hangs up the line and looks at you, with an eyebrow raised.

 “How was the meeting?” You deiced to ask, feeling shy under his gaze.

 His chuckles as he places a cigarette between his lips. “Not gonna ask about the phone call?” He says teasingly.

 “No, why would I?”

 He shrugs before lighting up the cigarette and taking a drag. He offered it over to you. You take it without thinking pressing it to your lips when a thought crosses your mind.

 ‘This Is like an indirect kiss.’

 You try to press that thought to the back of your mind, not wanting to think about that with him. But even so your gaze lifts up his lips and you cant help but notice the soft pink color they are. You wonder if he kiss rough or delicately.

 “You’re thinking pretty hard there.” He says interrupting your thoughts.

 “You never answered my question.” You say thankful for the distraction from your lustful thoughts.

 ‘I must still be drunk’ You think.

  “it went fine.” He says

 “Youre not gonna tell me anything are you?”

 His lips twitches as he takes the cigarette right our of your hands. “Its time to set our plan in motion.”

 “Our?”

 “Yes. Our.”

 “Okay do you need me to do anything.” You say eager to help with literally anything.

 “Just one thing, Be at Epsom.”

 You sigh on the inside wishing your role was a bit bigger and sooner. Epsom wasn’t until next Friday. But you took what you could get.

 “Sounds good.” You say not wanting to argue.

  “It’s a date.” He smiles

Read pt.12

Tags

@babylooneytoonz  @captivatedbycillianmurphy @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat  @evelyn-4034   @ms-dont-care  @owenniasstars 

[arthurflecksgirl]

Joker saving a girl from bad guys

This one was requested by hausofbaloons on twitter. I hope you will like it :)

Warnings: Violence and sexual harassement (not graphic but still)

I couldnt sleep. This town wouldnt let me close my eyes.

The sound of the traffic, the traffic lights before my windows. It was all too much. Gotham was so noisy yet so dead when you took a closer look to it.

I didnt even knew what got me here. All I knew was that I couldn`t afford my old apartment in my hometown anymore, so I moved in this very bad neighborhood close to Anderson Ave.

Finding a new job here was difficult,too. I was lucky enough to find one that at least would make enough money to pay the rent. The place was called HAHas. They rent party clowns. I didnt even knew anything about clownery, how they called it. I lied when I told Mr Hoyt that I have experience and hoped he wouldn`t notice. Not until I found a "real" job. I really didn`t wanted to end up as a clown.

They said it would take them a few days to get some clown clothes that would fit a girl. Which made me nervous. It seemed like I would be the only girl working there. But for the moment I just had to eccept this situation. Some day I would hopefully get back on my feet.

Watching out the window made me feel  disconnected to the world. Its funny how a new place can change your point of view about so many things. Some places consume you in such an short amount of time. That`s how I felt about this town since the day I unpacked my things and slept in my new bedroom for the first time. Everything felt...wrong. It felt wrong being here, sleeping here, existing in general felt like a chore. Amd looking at these people out on the streets, they must feel the same. My eyes were focused on a little girl with her mother. How aweful it must be to raise your kid here. To grow up here. I just wanted to leave already.

I drank the last sip of my tea and got dressed. Deep down I knew it wasnt a good idea to go out at 10 pm in the evening. At least not here in Gotham, I´ve heard that some alleys are really dangerous to walk through. But I didnt knew which ones, so I tried to avoid all of them. Which wasnt possible all of the time. I left the house, freezing a bit. It was colder outside than I thought. At least the radiator was working. All these streets looked the same. I didnt even knew where to go, just wanted some fresh air, get this tiredness out of my bones.

I wish I had something to be passionate about again. Passion was something I seemed to have lost somewhere along the way. Some days I felt like a robot, only functioning for others. I did things but I havent FELT them for years. It makes a huge difference if you just keep on doing things or if you really feel them.  I wasnt sure what made me stop feeling myself anymore. It just happened. Failed relationships, friends you lose along the way, working,... all these kinda things that consume you, leaving nothing left but the shell of you. I guess this town would`t help.

Walking this neighborhood felt lonely, even while being surrownded by people. But at the same time there was proof that I wasnt the only lifeless zombie in this universe. There were other robots, just like me. The walking dead. Shouldn`t this make it hurt less? Shouldn`t this be comforting?

I was so lost in my thoughts I didnt even payed attention to where I was heading to. Most streets still remained unfamiliar to me.  I hestitated when I realized that I  didn`t knew where I was anymore. All this garbage, the bad smell. I felt something on my foot and screamed. A rat. The biggest rat I have ever seen in my life. This place was aweful. I really had to go and find some place nicer a few blocks away from here. The sun went down hours ago, everything started to look the same. I felt tired. Insomnia really had me in its arms.

Whispers. In the corners of the streets. On the sidewalks. I wanst sure if my mind was only playing tricks with me. Being alone in a city like this, at 9 pm in the afternoon could do that to you. I should have stayed home in my bed. The bed that didnt felt like mine anymore.

The whispers got louder and I was convinced that it wasnt my mind playing around as I satrted to hear steps behind me "Hey doll ! Where are you heading?"

The voice of a young man and another one laughing right behind me. I felt fear crawling up my insides. I didnt even had any with me to defense myself. I grabbed my keys, so I could scratch them with it if they would attack me. My hand was shaking while I reached down in my pockets.

"Hey, baby. Stop. We are talking to you!"

I didnt knew what to do. Should I run? Should I stop, trying to calm them down by acting friendly? My hand so close around my keys I hurt myself. It was already too late to run away, one of them grabbed me by the arm. So firm I couldnt move it to use the keys anymore. That was it. Only some weeks in Gotham city and I was already dead. I should have known better.

"Take her stuff!" the other one yelled. He sounded obvously drunk. "I will" he hurt my arm again "But... I think there is even more we could do besides taking her stuff..." he grabbed my bag, hew it to the other guy and pushed me against the wall, violently. With his alcoholic breath. I felt my eyes watering. "Don`t cry baby doll. i`m sure you`re gonna like it".  The other one was laughing, while he took my money and cards. "Oh, you can have her. I already made out with the other girl an hour before" more laughter.  "Good" he yelled into my face "More left for me". Hands on my chest. Hands everywhere as he started to pull up my shirt. A whimper. it was mine. I started crying. "Stop crying you stupid bitch!" I tried to stop but i couldnt.

And suddenly a shot fell. And another one.

I still felt his firm hands around my arm as he hesitated to take a look around. thats when I saw the other guy lying face down on the ground. Blood tripping from his body. He wasnt moving anymore. "What the fuck?"  he let go of me, running to his buddy.

Thats when I looked the other way.

There was someone standing inthe alley with us. It was dark but I still could make out the color of his suit. It was red. And he was holding a gun in his left hand.  He came closer as the guy who wanted to rape me was yelling at the dead body on the ground.

His face was painted like a clown. A red nose, a big smile and blue around his eyes. His hair was slick back, slightly curly and green, almost reaching down his shoulders. He looked intimitating. But for some reason I wasn`t afraid of him.

"Are you okay?" the clown came up to me,touching my shoulder very carefully."Yeah...I guess I am".

I was still in shock. I just witnessed murder. This guy just shot someone in front of my eyes. He walked up slowly to the other guy.

"You shot my best friend!" the guy yelled.

"Get up!" the clown said

The guy was getting up. It felt like watching a slow motion scene.

"He didnt deserved to live. He was about to watch you raping her."

"So what? Maybe I can`t have her today. But there is always a tomorrow."

The man in the red suit took a step towards him

"You think so, huh?"

"Of course" the drunk guy said, looking at me with his hungry eyes "I would make her scream and..."

Another shot.

And after that. Nothing but silence and his  gentle hand upon my shoulder again "They can`t hurt you anymore". He lit himself a cigarette, sucking the smoke in like nothing just happened. The two dead bodies lying in front of us.

"Thank you for saving me from these guys...but....you just SHOT them !" my voice cracked.

He blew the smoke out "I know. They would have found another victim. These kinda guys never stop." He pulled my shirt down. It was still up from all the grabbing. "I just hope you`re okay. You`re shaking." There was somthing so comforting in his voice. I felt so torn between being shocked and being reliefed that someone saved me from what was about to happen.

"I`m still... in shock I guess. He tried to..."

"I know. Thats why I took care of it. People can be aweful. Especially here in Gotham city. You should even be out here on the streets alone".

His eyes pierced me. It was hard to not be attracted to him. Maybe it was the shock. I flt like a compleate freak, feeling save talking to someone who just shot two guys in an dark alley while waring clown make up. He obviously wasnt a cop or something. He must  have been some kind of criminal himself. I shouldn`t  even keep talking to him. "Do you live far from here?" he grabbed my stuff that was still lying on the ground, made sure to collect it all together and handed it to me "Sorry for the blood on it." There was something so careless about him, after mudering two men. And yet he seemed to care so much about if i`m okay.  I wondered if it was the first time that he killed someone.

I took my purse and the rest of my things "Um....no not that far. Maybe a 30 minutes walk. But I just moved here and lost track of the streets. It was so dark and I`m not sure how to find back home anymore."

He threw the last bit of his cig aon the ground "I could walk you home if you want. Which street is it?"

I didnt wanted to tell him my exact adress "Near Anderson ave".

"You`re kidding, right? I lived in Anderson ave all my life. I mean...I still do actually". He put the gun back in his pocket.

"Oh so you know the way back?"

"Sure"

I thought about this for a minute. Wasn`t this insane?

"Look, you don`t have to. I can go now" he said "I just wanna let you know that I wouldnt ever hurt you. i just killed those guys because they wanted to do bad things to you and they also said they would do it again. Its okay if you don`t trust me. Just let me know if I should walk you home. I dont mind eighter way."

His voice was so soft. I couldnt stop staring at the way he was using his hands while talking . They seemed to floath through the air. The way he moved was graceful. His slender body in the red suit makde me feel something. I was just very drawn to this stranger.And even though he did something bad. He only did it to save me. I decited to let him walk me home.

"No. I belive you. You can walk me home"

"Great" it almost looked like he was dancing as he turned around, smirking.

I was walking right next to him.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure!"

"Why are you wearing clown make up?" i pointed at his face.

"I used to work as a party clown"

"Really?"

"yeah"

"Thats funny. I just got a new job here at Haha`s. "

His face immediately darkened. Did I said something wrong.

"At Haha`s, huh?"

I didnt dared to say answer. His face expression changed in between seconds.

"I know that place."

"Do you.... work there too?

"Not anymore"

I nooded. this subject didnt seemed to be a good choice for conversation. So I remained  silent. He didnt said anything anymore eighter. Everything about this felt weird but being around him was indeed very exciting.

"So this alley leads to Anderson ave" as we arrived at my block.

"Oh, I know the way from here. I don`t know how to thank you..."

He smiled. It was more of a smirk really. Behind all the make up. I was wondering how he would look like without the face paint. His facial expression was so interesting. Still intense behind all of this clown make up.

"No need to thank me" he said while his eyes kept piercing me. I wasnt sure how I should say goodbye to the one that just saved me. Maybe my life even.  So I just offered him a hug. he leaned towards me and let me hug him. His hands oddly lying on my back, barely touching me. He seemed kinda shy, which was very surprising.  For a brief moment I felt his cheek on mine. I even felt the softness of the white face paint upon my skin. Shivers running down my spine. I coulnt help it. Feeling him letting go of our hug almost hurted me. What was happening?

"So, since you dont live far from here, maybe I´ll see you around?"

He reached down his pocket, pulled out a pen,a piece of paper and started writing "Here is my number. I mean, just in case someone is bothering you again. Or following you.  Just call me when something feels wrong."

A card is falling out of his pocket. He pickes it up, looking at it for a little bit too long. I couldnt tell what it said but it must have been something important to him. He seemed nervous as he put it back "Not this one." he mumbled.

I once again told him how thankful I was before we said our goodbyes.

Heading back ome after all of this felt surreal. Did that really happen? I turned around and he was still standing there, lightening another cig.

I looked at the piece of paper he gave to me.

Arthur.

That was his name.

A beautiful name.

Just as beautiful as he was.

As soon as I got home, I hoped into bed. Once again I wasnt tired. How could I`ve been tired after this? I was more awake than ever. That face. I put his number on my bedside table, lying on my back. i just coulnt stop thinking about how his bare  face might have looked like. Would I even be able to notice him on the streets without his costume and make up? His green eyes and the smirk haunted me all night long. Arthur. He forgot to put his last name on it. Or was that onpurpose. Eighter way I had his number.

And then out of the sudden I realized that I haven`t thought about the fact that he might get caught and locked up for killing two strangers on the sidewalk. Panic was spreading inside of me like a tumor. If he would get caught it would be my fault. He killed them to save my life. I could have never forgiven myself that.

My heart told me I should get up, grab the phone and call him. Asking him how he would try to not being caught. If there was any plan or... This was ridicilous. What could I possibly say to him? I guess he was aware of what he just did. I started sweating and opened my window. More noises of people yelling at each other.  What an aweful city. He seemed like the only nice person I have met since I moved here. With his face and voice in my mind, I was finally able to FEEl something again. The sensation of having strong emotions was something I thought I lost. And all of the sudden I imagined this stranger in my mind. Someone I knew nothing about. But he made me feel something. It was like awakening from a long, dark sleep. Maybe my heart wasn´t dead yet. Maybe there was a spark left inside of me. And he lit it. Not only because he saved me. It was his presence. The way he looked right though me. His cheek against mine. Those hands. Images of fresh memories started to floath my mind and I enjoyed it. I finally enjoyed something again. It was like I felt my own heart beating in my chest. I havent felt that for years. Sometimes I didnt even knew if it was still beating anymore. And now it was so loud. A competition to the traffic outside.

And after hours of thinking about him I finally fell asleep to the sound of the traffic.

Red painted lips.

A fake smile covering a real smile.

I put one figer on his upper lip. I can feel a scar.

Pressing it softly, before his face comes closer.

He leans in before I feel the softest kiss upon my lips.

I woke up, rubbing my eyes, realizing that I just dreamed about kissing this total stranger. He really managed to get into my mind. I still felt his lips on mine. I thought about his hands. I took a close look to them when he was holding the gun. They looked so gentle. I caught myself thinking about how it would feel to be touched by those hands. To hold them.

I got up, made a coffe and got dressed. I had to go to the pharmacy to get some sleeping pills. I just couldnt do this anymore. Lying awake all night drained the life out of me.

Gotham looked the same way at daylight as it looked at night. Just as dark and depressing. Hopefully the sleeping pills would help me find some rest again.

After I arrived the pharmacist asked me if I had experience with sleeping pills and told me about all the side effects. i just wanted to get out of ther for gods sake. Two minutes laer she was still taking to me, not even realizing I wansnt listening anymore, someone else entered the room. I was glad because she was alone there and had to  serve the other costumer now. But she still kept talking.

Suddenly a voice from behind interrupted her "No, the other ones are actually better. And you can get them without a recipe,too."

"Excurse me?" the lady said "The ones on the left" a tiney looking man with brown curls was coming up to us. He pointed at the meds, looking at me "Belive me. You want those. Not the ones on the right. They will give you bad nightmares."

"Oh. Okay thank you, Mr." I looked at the pharmacist "So, I want those, please" she gave me a look and told me how much they were. I payed, taking another look to the man beside me, as he put different receipes on the counter.

There was something about his facial features. His eyes. Those piercing eyes.

The lady gave him an annoyed look "As usual, Mr. Fleck?"

"Yeah"

"Alright. Give me a minute to get them"

He nodded.

His hands.

"Arthur?" I wasnt sure if I was out of my mind but he reminded me of the clown who saved me last night.

He immediately faced me when I said his name. IT WAS HIM.

"Yes?"

"Its you right? You were the..... " I whispered "The clown that saved me last night"

He smiled in a very shy way, he lowered his voice "I was".

That feeling. There is was again. I didnt knew what was happening to me. I just fell for this man. His bare face even more beautiful than I imagined.

The sales woman came back, handing him out three bottles of meds.  He hesitated to put them into his pocket, like he was afraid I might get a closer look to it. I finally took my sleeping pills,too. Still staring at him.

"I thought about you last night" saying the words out loud I just realized how it sounded like "I mean...not like that. Oh my god this is embarrassing. I`m sorry."

You don`t have to be embarrassed.. what was your name again?"

"I`m Y/N"

"Hi Y/N!" he offered me his hand. HIS HAND! The one I dreamed about last nicht. Fantasized about being touched by it. His skin was even softer in reality. We got out of the pharmacy together, standing in the middle of the crowded streets.

"Arthur, I have to thank you once again and I was woried about you. Umm..You can imagin why. "

His arms hung down on him in a weird way. A body languare so differently from last night. So shy, intimidated even. By what? By me?

"Don`t worry about me Y/N. I always get back on my feet."

"Yeah well " my heart was racing in my chest while looking at him "You were the only one here that was ever nice and taking notice since I moved here. I`m always alone since I`m a citizen of Gotham city"

He lit a cig "I can imagin. I`m alone since the day I was born"

Why would he say that?I noticed how sad his eyes were, behind his stare, behind the piercing look of his green eyes, there was so much sadness. I had a better look into them now in the daylight. His beautiful face looked kinda tired. Tired of life.

I knew that feeling. I wanted it to fade from his face. I wanted his eyes to light up. And I wanted to be the reason for that.

"Arthur, do you want to go out with me? Like... for a coffee?"

His hand started to shake a little "You mean like a date?"

"Um..." I felt myself blushing "I dont know....if you want it to be one."

He smiled "If YOU want it to be one."

We headed to the next coffee shop, not saying a word as our hands touched slightly ,but our smiles said it all.

Maybe we both were alone.

But now it was time to be alone together.

@impulsiveclown @ben-solos-writing-avenger @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @jokerhoe @gwynplaine89 @damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle  @duhliriouss @sadjesterautumn @therealjokerking10 @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes @downtoclown-around @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie @jokerflecker @casiaregina @check-out-this-joker @mrsjfleck @darknessisafriend @bring-your-holy-water @nicoleverse @mdme-rosary @arthurhappyclown @yami-rhs @mrsjfleck @cmollica @mollyxlyla-rosex @widkkfowpqpsnanq @rhokie @neon-umbrella-for-stella @queenie70 @casiaregina @missmayx @these-written-reveries @cherrymoon75

[roadtohappy]

Tw: sexual abuse

Spent the whole day at the beach yesterday and it was just lovely ❤️ I made some art too 🎨🌺

It all finally clicked for me when I came home. I was watching an episode of Dr. Phil, at one point he said "you often start things for one reason, and continue for another" which got me thinking... When I was a young teenager questioning my sexuality and my gender, I landed in an LGBT social circle. Everyone was either gay, bi or trans and I was tomboy as hell. When my best friend came out to me and said he was trans, I asked him what that meant and when he explained it I felt like it resonated so well with me. I was like "Oh fuck, that's me!" because I also felt uncomfortable being female (but for different reasons than him ofc) Now, that's fine. It's okay to explore your gender identity if you're feeling curious.

Last night when I heard that quote on Dr. Phil I was like "Oh." and memories just started to pour in. I thought back to when I was 14, still questioning my gender, and I had a sexual encounter with a much older man in a cemetery while I was semi-conscious because I was drunk and under the influence of drugs (speed+weed). It fucked me up because I felt that it didn't quite fit the proper definition of sexual abuse/assault so I had no valid reason to reach out or ask for help, but it left me traumatized nonetheless. I walked away from it feeling dirty, broken and tainted. I felt so guilty and ashamed and I couldn't tell a soul because I felt like it was all my fault. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face. I couldn't think about it without a surge of anxiety rushing through my body. No soap or shower could make me clean enough. I thought to myself "I can never be a woman. Nobody will ever want someone like me. I'm disgusting and broken beyond repair. It doesn't matter though, because I didn't even like being a girl to begin with." I kept it hidden and didn't tell a soul, I dealt with it alone. I stowed it away in the back of my mind and I tried to forget about it and move on, but the shame has followed me ever since. Ashamed to be female, ashamed that I allowed that to happen to me, ashamed and angry that I was blossoming into a woman in a dysfunctional home, in a world that constantly scrutinized my femininity and resentful of all the preying eyes and hands around me.

I've also been remembering some inappropriate incidents I had with two male relatives growing up, both of which made me extremely uncomfortable and angry. Like the time when I was a little kid and my uncle straight up kissed me. What the fuck? Or when my mom's boyfriend's father babysat me, why did he lay me down on his bed in the middle of the day and do all this weird shit with me, I was like 10 wtf, and why did he only do it when we were alone together?? I said no, I didn't want to, but I had to. Fuck off. Don't ever touch me without my permission.

Jesus I don't know if I'm onto something or what, but I feel lighter, relieved. If this is what prompted me to take "questioning my gender" to "I hate being female, I wish I wasn't a girl" then I at least know that it was related to something that was out of my control. It wasnt my fault, nobody knew and neither did I.

[twislife]

Closer.

Hey guys! I know its been a long time since I've written anything but this is based on the song Closer by Chainsmokers and Halsey. I've been working on this forever. Not sure if anyone even likes smut still...or this song...or me 😅 had to post it though so that I could stop thinking about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lots of smut, cussing, unprotected sex...ya get the idea.

"Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you; drank too much and that's an issue but I'm okay.

Hey, please tell your friends it was nice to meet them - but I hope I never see them again.

Hey, I know it broke your heart, moved to the city in a broke down car and four years no call..."

My best friend followed the group of girls inside and turned around looking at me briefly, mouthing ‘I’m sorry!’.

“No, go have fun! I'll…sit…out here..on this…curb,” I said rolling my eyes at the bouncer that refused my entry. She turned and went inside, without another backward glance. I sighed heavily and pulled my phone and cigarettes out of my purse and searched for a lighter.

“Son of a mother fu-” I started, but was abruptly cut off by a guy that I’d never seen before. The first thing I noticed, aside from his perfect smile, were his dark amber eyes shining in the street light. He looked young, and kind of like a god. He held up a lighter and chuckled.

“Sick of the club scene?” he asked, offering me the flame of his lighter. I gladly accepted and inhaled deeply. I huffed and chuckled.

“Yeah maybe if I could actually get in, my fake id is missing.” I sighed dramatically, taking another long drag. 

 "Oh, shit. Rough night. Well,“ he began, taking a drag of his own smoke. 

“I know of a little place around the corner that doesn’t id. Its a tiny little crap hole - but they don’t id.” he said nervously, his group of friends disappearing in the dark Tucson night. I smiled at him, then looked down at my little black dress and the mile high pumps and finally stood up smiling. 

 "A little over dressed for a dive bar, but a drink sounds great.“ I told him, gesturing him to lead the way. He laughed turning on his heel, holding out his elbow. I placed my arm in his and began walking.

“I’m Dylan. I enjoy star wars and YouTube.” he said laughing.

“My friends call me y/n. l, too, enjoy nerding out to star wars, and long walks on the beach.” I replied, receiving the slight chuckle that I had aimed for. It was so attractive. During our walk I found out a lot about Dylan, he was definitely a talker. We talked about plans for the future; he said that he wanted to go into acting, wanted to move to the city. When he asked me what I wanted to do I didn’t really have a valid answer, so I said,

 "Eh, probably college. I’ve been accepted to a few, I really am thinking Naropa, it’s a college in Boulder. I want to see the mountains.“ I hadn’t even realized that was what I wanted. 

 "That’s awesome.” he replied, smiling that smile that practically made me melt.

“No, acting is awesome! I wish I had that talent, man” I said in awe. 

We talked and laughed the rest of the way to the bar elbow in elbow. When we got to there he went up to the bar while I made my way to the jukebox; avoiding the stares from the old men and a few miserable looking women. Music always becomes before drinks. Always. Always. Come on let me touch you, feel you, all night- always.

I looked around the bar, no one looked particularly interested in what was playing in the background of their conversations, I excitedly turned back to the new school touch screen jukebox; typing in “always,” by Blink 182. If I didn’t listen to it, it would be stuck in my head for days. Dylan crept up behind me holding a beer up.

 "I knew you weren’t a typical party girl.“ he let out a low chuckle. 

 "What do you mean?” I asked him; accepting the drink, and taking a gulp.

 "Blink? Not many typical party girls would go to a dive bar and play Blink." he said taking a drink of his beer and setting it down to air drum part of the song. How is this unbelievably attractive guy such a dork? I mean, I wasn’t complaining because apparently thats my weakness. I started to play some air guitar and sing along. When the song ended I grabbed my drink and started downing it, I finished it at about the same time he did, so I offered to grab him a refill too. He gratefully accepted my offer and I started walking to the front when all of a sudden I heard the beginning to the Blink song, the one that I just played, I turned to look at him and see if maybe he did it by accident but he was, once again, air drumming and singing.

“I screwed up on the one solo, so I had to play it again” He laughed as I approached him and handed him his drink. I giggled. I started really liking this guy and I already knew that I wanted to take this out of this little crappy bar, but I would be patient and wait. I watched as he attempted to perfect his solo and laughed when he stopped and said he screwed it up again. So, I took out another dollar and played it - again. 

After many more drinks and a few more rounds of “always” by blink 182, Dylan’s face had just gotten undeniably close to my own and I was very aware of the drinks that we had both just had. It may have been the buzz, but I swear to god he was about to kiss me when my phone started blaring: it was Hanah, the one who left me on the damn curb. Dylan looked down at his empty bottle and grabbed mine and signaled that he was going to grab more as I answered my phone. 

“Heeeelllllooooo?” I answered drunkenly.

 "Hey! Clubs dead, where’d ya go?“ she asked slurring her words. 

 "I-uh-” I began to reply as Dylan walked over and handed me my beer. His face dropped when I began telling her where I was. 

“Okay, yay! Be there in ten!” she practically yelled. I hung up the phone and looked at him.

 "Um…yeah my friends are on their way…" I told him taking a drink.

“Well, I gathered that much” he replied a snarkily, throwing in a wink so that I knew he wasnt really being a dickhead. 

“You might like them..” I answered reading the expression on his face. He lifted an eyebrow but didn’t reply. I rolled my eyes at him and mouthed the word ‘sorry’ before taking another swig.

 "This is the friend who ditched you? Sorry, but your friend sounds like a bitch.“ he stated blatantly. I laughed nearly spitting out the beer that I had just taken a drink of. 

“She’s not that bad, it is her birthday…” I told him trying to defend her - even though I knew he was right.

Hanah was a typical party girl. She drank and listened to awful music and was way too high maintenance to keep a guy for long. So she didn’t, she scooted and booted. Not that I was one to talk, I knew exactly where I wanted to end up by the end of this night.

“Okay, well I will put up with them if you come home with me tonight.” he said quickly, almost too quickly for me catch onto what he said. Without even thinking about it I smiled (surely my face was crimson red) and I winked at him.

“Deal.” I promised. I didn’t think he was going to be so straight up about it, but hey, I like it when someone doesn’t beat around the bush.

We both finished our drinks and we went up to the bar together, his hand on my lower back, when a sudden loud bang made us jump. There was laughter and before I knew it Hanah and her group of friends burst through the door.

She was wasted. Not like a little drunk, but falling over her own feet - wasted. Dylan took his hand off my back, as much as I hated the loss of contact, I walked over to her and asked if she was okay.

She had brought a guy but she was too busy staring at Dylan to even pay attention to him.

“Ohmigooood! you are sooooo fucking cute!” she said to him, he rolled his eyes and walked over to me and placed a hand around my waist making me warm all over. I could practically feel his stubble between my legs. Suddenly, desperate to get my hands all over him, I went to Hanah.

“Hanah, Dylan and I were just getting ready to leave,” I firmly stated adding a wink to let her know what was about to happen.

“Ohhh! GET SOME GIRL!” she slurred more loudly than I liked. Dylan’s neck snapped up from his phone and he raised his eyebrows at me and smirked. I could feel my face fill with crimson color as I attempted to keep my cool and look sexy when I smiled back at him.

He walked over to me more confidently than he had been (borderline cocky) and he placed his hand on my hips, making me squirm. 

“You wanna get out of here?” He asks in a sexy low tone. Instead of answering and giving away my excitement, I just nodded, maybe a little more eagerly than I had anticipated. I pounded the last drink and at that point had an intense buzz and was ready for some alone time with Dylan.

"Let’s get out of here.” I told him grabbing his hand and pulling him behind me. As soon as we got out of the bar his lips were on mine, my fingers instantly grabbed at his soft brown hair making him moan into the kiss. My tongue met his as we stumbled Drunkenly through the parking lot of the small bar.

“my car is right there” he said pointing to a shabby beaten up old Jeep. He backed me up to it and pressed me against the door, hands slipping under my thighs. He easily lifted me, I wrapped my legs around his waist and could feel his generously sized cock pressed up against my heat through the rough khaki material. I moaned as he pressed hard against my covered core. I pulled away to take a breath, the buzz from the alcohol only made more intense by the lack of oxygen. We were both panting when I hopped down, he whined at the loss of contact but I grabbed him by the shirt, opened a back door and shoved him on the seat. He laid down and I got on top of him, closing the door behind me. I straddled him, connecting our lips again.

“oh god, you’re so hot.“ He said between kisses. I just giggled as I moved my lips from his and attached them to his neck. I left searing, open mouth kisses from his neck to his collar bone. He was practically purring under my touch.

I pushed his shirt up to drag my teeth gently down the patch of hair under his abdomen. I licked and sucked and kissed the skin right above where his pants stopped me. I used my teeth to unbutton his khakis making him groan as I look up at him through my lashes.

“Where have you been all my life?” He whispered as I pulled down his pants and boxers making his erection spring up against his stomach. My eyes widened as I came to face his hardened cock. “I was just asking myself the same thing.” I told him, licking my lips as my panties dampened at the thought of how great it would feel when he pounded into me. I licked a strip up the underside of his cock making him mewl in satisfaction. I swirled my tongue around the swollen, pink tip of his cock, collecting the precum that had gathered there. Finally in one swift motion I put my lips around his cock and began to slowly bob my head up and down.

With the filthy sounds escaping his throat egging me on, I deep throated his cock and hollowed my cheeks. His tip hitting the back of my throat made my eyes water but I picked up the pace, wrapping my hand around what I couldn’t fit in my mouth. His hips bucked up keeping in time with my bobbing head.

"Oh, god that feels so good.” He practically whined. Eyes watering I looked at him through my lashes. He was propped on one elbow, his head hung back but I could just see enough of his face to watch him lick his lips.

I finally slowed my bobbing head to a stop, and let his hardened cock out of my mouth. He sat up quickly, so I got to my knees. He pulled me in for a rough, teeth clashing, passionate kiss. He broke the kiss only for a minute to practically ripping my dress down off of my shoulders. He then moved his lips off mine, and began trailing open mouthed kisses across my jawline and down my neck, he gently bit down on the pressure point sending a shock of pleasure all the way to my core; suddenly I couldnt wait to have him inside me. He caressed the pressure point with his tongue before moving his mouth to my hardened nipples. He kissed them softly, going from one to another; my core beginning to ache with need. While he was kissing and sucking on my hardened peaks, I placed my hand on his cock and stroked him making us both moaning messes. The ache was starting to become unbearable, I rubbed my legs together for some friction, it didnt ease my need. Dylan noticed and laid back down on the seat, pulling me down with him. As our lips attached again, and he slowly slid his hands down my sides, all the way to my ass. He gave it a little squeeze before pulling my dress up, and ripping my panties off of me and throwing the silky material to the floor. He pulled me up higher so I could position myself over top of his dick. I slowly slid down, relieving the ache. He held my hips down to keep himself from slamming into my tight pussy. When I finally adjusted to his generous size I gave him the go ahead. He slowly lifted me up, all the way to the top of his cock then without warning he pulled me down roughly slamming himself inside me, hitting me right where I needed him to. He began slamming deep inside of me, the coil deep within my core tightened so much so it could have burst any minute, making me scream his name.

"Oh my god, Dylan! I'm gonna-" I began, but he stopped as quickly as he had began.

"Not yet, baby." Dylan said, a smile playing on his lips. I looked at him, practically whining with my denied release. He began moving his hips up and down slowly, torturingly slow. My urge to slam myself down on him was almost uncontrolable.

He finally began moving deeper inside of me at a faster pace and I could again feel the coil in my abdomen tighten. Dylans eyes began to roll in the back of his head when I gentely moved his hands from my hips and started to ride his dick full force. I slammed myself into him over and over again until my eyes were rolling too. The only sound inside the cramped jeep were his grunts and my loud moans.

"Oh fuck!" He moaned between gritted teeth. I kept up my pace pushing myself closer and closer to the edge. He began bucking his hips slamming his cock deep within me harder and harder until I could feel his release fill me and I had a mind shattering orgasm that had me seeing white as I screamed his name. He finally slowed, taking deep panting breaths. I was panting too as i pressed my forehead to his. He gave me another long, meaningful kiss before pulling himself out of me.

“That was..that was..." I began, trying to catch my breath.

"Amazing." He finished.

I sat up awkwardly, pulling my dress down. He pulled his pants up and we sat in silence for a minute.

"So...can I get your number?" He asked. I gave it to him, hoping he would call sooner rather than later. I gave him one more kiss before hopping out of the broken down car and returning to the dive bar in search of Hanah and her crew.

He never called, and my heart was broken. I could have really fallen for him, too.

But that - that is just the beginning of my story with Dylan O'Brien.

[ladyboltontoyou]

Arthur Morgan x Reader: Farmer’s Daughter. 2

Warnings: Cursing probably. Smut. 

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Reader

A/N: HELLO AGAIN. Listened to ‘Home’ by Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros while I wrote this lmao.(Okay I listened to it like three times in the span of the three hours it took me to write this) You should all listen to it, gave me young Arthur x reader vibes tbh, it’s super cute and happy. RIGHT OK so I hope you guys like this one as much as you enjoyed the first one, didn’t plan this to be more than a one-shot but more than one person wanted it to be so here I am. Hope the smut didn’t feel too rushed! I was going to do a few time skips but this just felt right to me. Thanks so much for your notes, comments, and reblogs, they mean the world to me.

It had been a week without any sign from Arthur, and on the seventh day you had almost given up hope. But he showed up right when you were about to fall asleep, knocking over a vase on your table when he climbed through the window it sat in front of.

You sat up in bed and pulled the sheets over you, frozen solid in fear for a good ten seconds before your eyes adjusted to the light and you made out Arthur picking up the vase from the floor. 

“You scared the daylights out of me.” You whispered as you calmed down from the near heart attack.

“Your doors were locked, so I uh, knocked on the window. You didn’t wake up and, well, here I am.” He sounded slightly embarrassed, taking his jacket off to put on the floor. “Sorry about that.”

“You don’t need to do that, a little water is okay.” You said as you climbed to the foot of the bed, but his jacket had already soaked up the spilled liquid. 

“Exactly. I’ve got other coats. At least it ain’t leather.” You both laughed a little at that and then you lit your bedside candle. 

“Close the curtains, will you?”

He looked over his shoulder and realized he’d not only left the window open, but he gave a good view to anyone who looked up at the balcony. He quickly did as you asked, closing the window too. “You draw anything while I was gone?” He asked as he walked back over and sat in the chair at your table. 

Another reason he was such a good man, he sat a respectable distance away from you when there was a whole bed he could have taken advantage of. 

Which damn, you wished he would. 

If there was anyone in the world who was sexually frustrated, it was a tie between you and Arthur. You had sex only once in your life, and it wasn’t even good. You had many other opportunities with pretty attractive people, but your family was almost constantly on you so you had no time to sneak away. And for Arthur, well, it’s self explanatory. 

“A few things.” You admitted and crawled back to the head of your bed and pulled out the drawer of your nightstand. Your brand new sketch pad laid in there, your father had bought it for you a few days before since you had already filled up your last one. 

“Really? Well, I’d love to see them.” He hated how vulnerable he felt then. Snuck into some girls room, knowing damn well he was a fool for being there. He fawned over you a little too much for his liking, last time he had butterflies over a girl he was very, very, very young. But that was the last thing on his mind for once. All he cared about now was the farmers daughter in her silk night-dress with the sketch book in her hands. 

You opened to the first page where a simple sketch of a cat waited to be praised. “This is my cat Scully.” 

Arthur got up from his seat and walked over to where you sat on the edge of the bed, squatting down at your knees so he could see properly. “Well, look at that.” He grinned and you handed the book over to him, which he gladly took. “How’d they get that?” He pointed to the right ear which was missing the top half. 

You leaned over to look at what his finger pointed to and sighed. “One day when I was real young, I was playing outside and the neighbor's dog came over, guess he didn’t like how I smelt so he started growling at me. Scully, she saw me crying and came over, kicked its ass then chased it off.” You laughed when you remembered how your parents treated the cat afterward, taking her to the most expensive vet they could find. She was queen of the house from then on out. 

Arthur snorted, his head bobbing slightly as he did so. “That so? She’s braver than any man I’ve ever met.”

You smiled and nodded in agreement. “You can go through them, there's only two more in there.” Your heart sped up in excitement when you remembered the last picture was something you’d done for him, a silhouette of him standing on your balcony overlooking your farm land. 

He turned the page slow as to not wrinkle the expensive paper. When he saw the next one he raised his brows. “Christ, girl. You need to be selling these.” 

The one he was looking at was a more detailed sketch, one you had done the day before. You still needed to do a little more shading on it, but it was mostly done. It was your parents sitting outside at the bench in your garden, they were both laughing and holding wine glasses. Your father had told your mother something funny and she was almost doubled over, one hand in front of her mouth and the other holding the glass outwards so she didn’t spill any on herself. They were surrounded by their roses and jasmine. 

“How do you remember something like this?”

You shrugged with the biggest smile on your face and a blush in your cheeks. “Something like that just sticks.” 

He looked up to you and shook his head before looking back down. “You’ve got me speechless.” He flipped to the next page and completely froze. He didn’t say anything for a minute, which worried you, but then he just let out a huff-like laugh of disbelief. “This me?” He knew it was him but for some reason he felt like he had to ask, just to hear you say it.

“Yes, it’s not weird, is it?” You asked while you chewed on your bottom lip nervously. 

Arthur scoffed and stood up before sitting down on your bed next to you, his eyes on the paper the whole time. “I’ve never seen myself the way you draw me. Even though this is just my damn figure.”His words really hit you. You knew what he meant by it and although you wanted him to explain it himself you knew it was something he wouldn’t go into detail about. He probably didn’t even mean to say it, it was most likely a slip of his tongue. 

After what seemed like several minutes he closed the book and handed it back to you. “No, this is for you.” You opened the book back open and cleanly tore the page out, handing it to the man sitting next to you. 

“I appreciate it. I really do.” He said and walked over to the table, setting it down on top of his satchel. His hand lingered there momentarily, considering taking out his own journal and giving you the paper he had spent days perfecting. Anxiety gnawed at him and he pulled his hand away, turning back to you. “Sorry I didn’t come back earlier, by the way. Got caught up in some business and ended up in Valentine for a while.”

“No, don’t apologize.” You waved him off. “You didn’t even have to come back, we barely even know each other. You got what you came for the first time anyways, you could have taken my hundred dollar drawing and sold it to make yourself a rich man.”

He laughed and sat down at the foot of your bed, making sure to keep a proper distance from you so he wouldn’t scare you off. If only he knew you wanted the complete opposite. “Now, a hundred-dollars isn’t very rich, why do that when I could keep coming back and get more? That would be one hell of a business.”

Where on this cold earth did this man come from? How were you so lucky to know such a good person? Given, you had only seen him two times, but he had still made a name for himself. He had a good sense of humor, he was polite, and goddamn he praised your art like it was god. If there was one sure way to your heart it was through that. And not to mention he was incredibly attractive. Fit as could be, well-groomed yet he had this dangerous look about him that said he could put you down in two seconds flat if you tried him. 

You wished he would.

In an attempt to clear the dirty thoughts that had flood your head you brought up a new subject. “The last time you were here you said my drawing was better than yours, you never answered me when I asked if you drew too.” You said and tried to look casual as you watched him for a reaction. 

He cleared his throat and looked away from your gaze, his eyes landing on everything in the room besides you. “I said that? Of course I would. That sounds like something I’d say.” He laughed to try to chase his anxiety off. “Sure, I do. A little bit.”

“Do you have anything you could show me?” You asked and pulled your legs back up onto the bed, making yourself comfortable as you continued watching him. It was hard not to, every single thing he did was mesmerizing.

He scratched his chin and sighed. “Yeah, I do.” He reluctantly grabbed his satchel from the table and pulled his own journal from it. “They’re not the best, but, well, look for yourself. There’s some writin’ in there too, pay no mind to that.” He handed you the worn leather book and you flipped through it. It was mostly full of wildlife, plants and scenery. 

“These are really good. This wolf looks like a photograph.” You said as you went through the pages. Some of his work was way better than anything you could ever dream of drawing, but he probably thought the same about yours. There were a few small doodles that made your heart melt, like one of a poodle that looked like he drew under sixty seconds. 

You had gotten so wrapped up in looking at the pages you didn’t even notice the way he was looking at you. He looked at you like he was seeing something so magnificent, and if he dared look away he would miss something. The way your eyes scanned over the paper, the way you would smile when you saw something you found his drunk doodles, it made him feel like he was drunk then and there. He had almost forgotten about what he drew you, on the newest page. When your expression changed to something unreadable his heart sped up and he shifted anxiously on the bed.

“This is me?” Your voice was barely a whisper. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing, it was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. Not because it was you, but because you knew it was the way he saw you. You were wearing that pretty white sundress you had worn the day he first saw you and you had jasmine flowers in your hair. You looked like you were in the middle of walking, your left hand trailing through the tall grass he had drawn you in. You had a small smile on your face and you were looking directly in front of you as if you knew you were being drawn. It looked amazing, so beautiful you couldn’t believe that was actually you. But sure enough it was identical. “I look so pretty.”

Arthur scratched the back of his head, torn between feeling utterly in love with you and feeling disgusted at how sappy and vulnerable he was. “I draw what I see.” 

That was all you needed. You set the book down beside you and threw all your inhibitions out the window, crawling to the foot of the bed to kiss him. You took his face in your hands and pulled him towards you. His trimmed beard felt rough in your hands but you loved every bit of it. His lips felt even better against your own, they were hot and tasted raw as if he had been chewing on them for hours. 

Arthur inhaled sharply through his nose, his eyes wide and his hands raised off his lap in surprise. He wanted to push you off because he knew it was wrong and you’d regret it later. He told himself you had to have been drinking, there was no way any woman like you would kiss someone like him. 

You were the one to end the kiss, but only because you were running out of breath. It seemed he had been too, since when you parted he sucked in a breath. 

“Now why did you do that?” He asked immediately, his voice faultering.

“I don’t know.” You admitted with a shrug and a soft laugh. “I just wanted to. I’m sorry, I should have asked. I just, really… really like you, Arthur. I know we haven’t been in the same room as each other a total of ten hours… but I don’t know. I’ve never felt like this. I don’t know what the normal thing to do is when you like someone like this.”

Arthur shook his head and sighed. “Don’t do that. Please. Don’t.” 

“Give me a reason.” You were still so close you were practically touching, your knees a hair length apart. “Because I don’t see any good reason not to.”

“(Y/N), I’m not a good person. I don’t know if I’ll stay around here long, I don’t normally stay in one place for too long. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, you’re a young beautiful woman. You could have any man, hell, any man or woman you’d ever want.”

“Really? Well, I want you.” 

He sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head again. “Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true, I want you, Arthur. I don’t want anyone else, not right now at least. And right now is all that matters.”

At your words he groaned, hearing the sentence ‘I want you’ coming from your mouth was too much for him. “But-”

You shut him up with another kiss, this one shorter but more heated. “Listen Arthur, I’m a big girl, okay? I won’t be heartbroken if we never see eachother again. I’ll be sad for a while, sure, but like you said. I’ve got my whole life. I’ll get over it.” You smiled and took off his hat, setting it beside him. “You think pretty highly of yourself if you think one night will be the end of me.”

Arthur laughed and finally looked at you. “You’re stubborn. You know that?”

“Of course I do. But now you’ve got me interested, what’s so good about you that you want to protect me from missing?” You questioned with an innocent smile, placing a hand on his knee. 

He grew serious again and the playful smile disappeared. “(Y/N), I don’t think this is such a good idea.” He warned while he still had the mindset to think that deeply. Your hand on his knee wasn’t helping his good intentions. “If your folks-”

“Don’t worry about them. They sleep on the other side of the house with the river right outside their window. The only thing that will wake them is screaming, or the dogs outside. But don’t worry, I can be quiet.” You winked and took his hand in yours, impressed by how huge they seemed compared to you. “Please?” 

There was no way of explaining how you got the idea to start kissing his fingers, it just felt right. Arthur closed his eyes and groaned in the ‘What have I gotten myself into’ type of way. There was no way he could say no to you, not when you were doing… that. “Christ, woman.” He hissed when you pulled him forwards towards the head of the bed. 

He took a quick second to take his boots off and blow out the candle, providing you with a more comfortable sense of safety. There was no way anyone besides the two of you could see what was going on in your room.

He climbed back on the bed and kissed you, one hand on your cheek and one on the bed beside you. Arthur kissed so sensual and deep that you felt like you were kissing someone you had been married to for your entire life. Your heart swelled and all the blood made its way between your legs in a hurry. “Take this off.” You whispered against his mouth as you unbuttoned the front of his shirt. 

He finished the rest of the buttons, sitting up on his knees to pull his arms out of the shirt. Once it was off he hurried back to kissing you like his life depended on it. He loved the feeling so much he totally forgot about the rest of his clothes and only stopped when you placed your toes on his belt buckle and gently pushed him back. 

You smiled when he laughed and shook his head at you. “What? Don’t like taking your time?” He teased and lowered his hands to unbuckle his belt. The imagery mixed with the gentle clink of metal as he took his belt off drove you mad.

“I do once the clothes are off.” You meant to tease him back but you sounded far too serious. He had nothing to say to that so he just finished taking his belt off, laying it with his hat at the foot of the bed. When he leaned forward again you stopped him with your foot on his chest. “Keep going.”

“Maybe you should've been the one warning me.” He breathed and pulled his pants down his hips, standing from the bed to pull them off the rest of the way.  “There’s no way I could have you just once.” 

Good. You thought. You didn’t want him just once either. 

Once he finally got his pants off you felt it was unfair that you were still fully clothed so you reached under your dress and pulled down your panties. He watched as you pulled them off of your raised feet with a look that just screamed sex. “Am I dreamin’?” He asked with a laugh, sliding back onto the bed in front of you. 

“Come here and find out.” You grinned and spread your legs a bit, just enough to notice but not enough for him to see anything exciting.

“Jesus, woman.” His voice was barely a whisper and he leaned back into you, grabbing your waist gently to pull you flat on your back, his hips pressed flush against you. You could feel how hard he was through the thin fabric of his underwear and it drove you fucking crazy. He finally started taking the lead then and he slipped his hand between the two of you, sliding his fingers down your slick folds to your entrance. When he pushed a finger inside of you the both of you gasped, he didn’t expect you to feel so good around him. 

“Oh, fuck.” You muttered and closed your eyes, grabbing onto his biceps. His arm muscles tensed under your touch, mostly his right arm since that was the one with its fingers inside you. 

He kept at that for a while, curling it inside you in sync with the beat of his heart. You came just from that. When he felt you tense up around him mixed with the feeling of hot cum oozing down his hand he lost any patience he had left. He took his hand out from between your legs and kissed you again, using his right hand to take the last article of clothing he had off. When he pressed back down into you the breath hitched in your throat. 

“God.” You moaned and moved your hands from his arms up to tangle into his hair. “I want you so bad, Arthur.” 

As if he couldn’t be in any more of a hurry, you had to go and say that. 

“You have no idea.” He said with a grunt and used a hand to guide the tip of his cock against you. He rubbed it up and down your slit a few times and you let out the filthiest sound he had ever heard. You locked your ankles around his back and pushed him into you, catching him by surprise. 

The feeling of his cock fully inside of you was indescribable. You arched your back and rolled your head back into the pillows. He groaned and grabbed the bottom of your nightgown to pull off of you. You had to help him get it off your shoulders. After it finally came off he sighed, looking down at your body.

“You’re going to be the death of me.” He whispered and leaned back down into you. His thrusts were slow, but only for a few of them. Once he was sure you were ready he let himself go completely. You pulled his head down to yours and kissed him again as his cock drove in and out of you at a quick steady pace. He felt so amazing inside you, the feeling of his cock rubbing against that one special spot gave you your second orgasm. 

Your third came when he rough handled you a little bit for the first time, he had grabbed your thighs roughly and slammed himself inside you about four times. The sheer force of it all knocked the air out of your lungs and left you paralyzed. The fourth time you came he had flipped you onto your stomach. The way he could manhandle you to easily was so hot to you that you swore you fell in love with him then. 

When he pushed his cock back into you at the new angle was when you came, and god, he felt it. He almost came with you but he thankfully had the will to pull out and give himself a few seconds to calm down. Once he had enough time he continued fucking you into your mattress. 

This all went on for what only felt like a few minutes. You had no idea that you’d actually been at it for nearly two hours. You probably would have gone longer if you didn’t decide to sit in his lap, that had been what finished him off. 

When you were on top of him his cock reached deeper inside you than it had ever been before. He was stunned for a second, unable to move as you rode his cock and pulled his head back by his hair. When you sunk your teeth into his neck was when he truly lost it. He came undone in you, grabbing you by your hips and forcing you down further onto his length. 

The noises that came from him sounded so primal it led you to your final orgasm. Thank god you came with him because there was no way he’d be able to go again after that. He’d be surprised if he had the energy to climb down that lattice and onto his horse. 

No one said anything for a good while but that was okay. You couldn’t talk if you tried. You were too busy gasping for breath to form words.

Arthur was the first to speak. “I should probably leave now, I told Dutch I’d only be out a few minutes.” He sighed when he remembered that the older man had told him not to stay out too long since the law was keeping an eye out for them. You had no idea who Dutch was but you nodded anyways. 

“Alright. I should go to sleep anyways, I’ve got to wake up early in the morning to go to town with my mother.” 

Arthur nodded and ran a hand through his sweaty hair, noticing how messy it had become. Before he came over he had made sure it looked nice but now he was sure it looked as if he had no idea what a comb was. 

You watched him pull his clothes back on, almost forgetting his hat and belt. He slipped your picture for him in his journal and safely secured it, sliding it back into his satchel. 

After he gathered his things he gave you one last kiss at the doors, full of more passion than any others you had previously shared. “Could I come see you again sometime?” He asked after you parted with the most adorable smile on his face. 

God. He was right in his warning, there was no way you could get over a smile like that.

“Arthur, you know the answer to that.” 

[cowboyguts-moved]

tell me about your new ocs ^^

so any and all artwork i show you is done by @shit-stains (: 

everyone listed is from a made up oregon beach town called Mystic Overhang infamous for its creepy bottomless lakes and a cliff that leans over the pacific called Mystic Overhang. the town is full of mysterious happenings and unexplained missing persons and something downright evil is going on under their noses..but more on that another time ha ha. the story takes place in 1989. and i just realized this is basically just IT but i didn’t exactly mean for that…they definitely are not plagued by a killer clown.

Church Shelton (my oc) is 17/18. His mom had him too young and didn’t want to have to raised him, frankly, so she ended up leaving him on the stairs of a synagogue. His biological family is Jewish even though Church doesn’t grow up with religion and didn’t even know he was Jewish, because Josiah (Jo), tristan’s oc, was about 2 years old when he and his mom came by and saw a baby crying on the steps and the boy wanted to keep him and name him Church because he thought it was a regular christian church and… it’s cute. And through a ton of convincing and considerations, his mom agrees to care for Church and adopt him. Its a simplistic way of putting it, but there’s a lot that goes into it. He and Jo grow up as brothers and Jo takes such good care of him (: sometimes he has to be a parent to Church even though he’s only two years older, especially when their mom gets UHHH murdered during a robbery in their own house… ……….and they come home and find her at about 12 and 10 years old and Jo makes the decision that they’re not going to tell anyone and risk him living with his father and Church being placed in foster care. so they run away and become street kids for 4 years. When they’re older, 14 and 16, they get caught for stealing when they weren’t careful enough and the social workers put them in foster care, seeing as Jo’s dad is very unfit. They stay there until Jo aged out at 18 and got guardianship of Church after getting them a place to live, that’s a long complex process as well… and was obligated to care for him and provide income and stuff and they live together, just them two in a trailer, for awhile.

Church’s whole thing is that he loves to read and write. He reads so many books and he’s not great at first and is in remedial classes, but then he advances a shit ton with how hard he tries and how much he wants his love for English to succeed. Uh he has narcolepsy!!! Meaning he has a lot of daytime sleepiness, falls asleep frequently in the day and has bad insomnia at night and this hinders him a lot. In some cases his narcolepsy comes with cataplexy, this is when he has muscle weakness/paralysis caused by strong emotion like excitement and laugher. His brother Jo helps him a lot through that. I theorize that it happened because of a natural immune issue he has, which was most prevalent when they were living on the streets. 

Church is really funny and sweet and sarcastic. He’s such a cute boy and everyone in their town LOVES him just cause he’s so charming. he gets really cynical and depressed sometimes and can be mean when he wants to be, however and it’s his biggest downfall. He’s a bit of pyro he loves to set shit on fire. Oh, and he has a southern accent (: he loves to eat too, he’s always down for snacks. He’s bisexual but he doesn’t really call it that, he doesn’t take much note of his own sexuality, he does what he does. He works at an amusement park most of the time and has to put up with Jo constantly coming to his work when he gets lonely and riding the roller coaster he’s operating. Then when he graduates he goes to University of Oregon and has a bit of a big depressive self destructive path he follows and ends up overdosing on drugs on what of his partying nights, he self harms by being uncaring and his many intrusive thoughts about his mother dying and his huge fear of not seeing the world and being too dumb and poor to get an opportunity to really live. He’s put in the hospital and goes to rehab and Jo is there with him every step of the way. He’s so sweet and caring and worries about him but Church is a little belligerent sometimes. He wants to get better and be better for everyone and himself, and he does through a long emotional school break. He doesn’t end up going to his previous college again but he transfers and gets in the Columbia in new york for his English degree (: he lives in an apartment with his boyfriend Mason. 

Church is white, 5′7 and he’s stout and chubby. He’s got green eyes, freckles, a piggy nose, big sunburnt cheeks, and auburn hair, mostly shaved into a curly mohawk. and he got a fat ass and killer thighs. 

His beautiful big dumb brother Jo Shelton (tristan’s oc) has a story that is obviously parallel to church’s, but i think it’s important to mention that he’s kinda slow, slow thinkin’ and a bit hyper…and an asshole to everyone but the ones he really loves like church, he’s as sweet as he can be with him. he loves working on cars and he has a beautiful truck that he put a lot of work into..that is until he crashed it horribly while drunk driving after he got into a fight with church when church was in the hospital recovering from his overdose. and he got mild temporary brain damage… so…and then had to spend 6 months in jail for a DUI. that really fuck him up for a good while! and that’s a huge dent in their lives.

but anyway lol… he also loves to meet chicks and do speed dating.. and he hooks up with a wide variety of girls, he’s not picky at all and doesn’t believe in types, he just loves dominant women. he does have one important stable girlfriend for awhile named Rosa that he met at his grocery store job! he spilled spaghetti sauce on her white shoes (: and they were truly in love and dated for 3 years until it became dangerous for her to be with him because one of her weird ass fuckinnnn dangerous ex boyfriends got out of prison and she didnt think he would be safe if they remained together and it’s devastating for him and hinder him for a good while. he kinda fills that void by becoming a big brother figure to church’s biological sister Jude, who is 12 and in need of good old fashion josiah guidance. jo has that natural dumb dad vibe to him. (by the way..church’s mother reenters church’s life very briefly and that’s why jude and church meet and jude eventually lives locally to the boys because she moves in with Her real dad.) Later jo works at a mechanic shop and his ultimate goal is to open his own! uh also haha important detail..jo struggles with his sexuality and on the low meets up with dudes in alleys and lets them smash cause he’s a big bottom so. and he has sorta of thing for someone he met in the mess of foster care, just one of the kids he hung out with in passing, and his names Riley and they meet up later on when they’re older and fuck around a bit.

jo is 6′3 and he has golden honey hair and blue eyes and he’s freckly and has some beauty marks on his face. he’s pretty darn hairy..and he kinda smells. he’s a real country bo. he’s super skinny and hes got huuuge hands!

here’s jo and church (:

Mason Uley (mine), Church’s boyfriend, doesn’t meet church until he’s 22 and Mason is 13, and is a rich boy who’s siblings all died in one way or another…JDBSJD he’s the only child left and he is very neglected by his parents because of their coldness and grief and little regard for caring for their last kid. They’re never home and they ignore him completely which leaves him in search for attention in all sorts of wrong ways and he acts out. He does motocross at the local track. He loves rap music and is very embarrassing about it considering he’s very white..he loves flexin’ with that name brand clothing and shoes and wears skate shirts even though he doesnt skate which is a big smelly whatever but in general he’s a big poser. but its fine because we love him and its apart of his charm. He has a slight limp because at 13 he shattered his ankle and it never healed right. He loves Church very much and they’re SUPERR gross and lovey, their dynamic is so adorable, as you can imagine his goofy ass and church’s more dry sarcasm. He wants to be an architect and goes to college for that at Columbia later. He’s smart and has a very dry kind of humor and he hates Jo until he’s forced not to because of their mutual love for Church. He’s 1000% gay. He has blond hair and he looks like a 90s heart throb and Jo affectionately calls him “faggot” more than his name.

i dont have a Current drawing of mason all i got are old ones that tristan doesnt really like l o l

Okay……….. and then there’s Lewis. he’s 18. His full name is Aloysius St. Lawrence (AL oh wish iss) (mine), and he grew up in a deeply religious cult in northern California where many Horrible things happened to him that I’ll spare the details on but he’s a very traumatized boy and i thinkg about the complexity of him trying to come to grips with it and learning how to live with the immense pain he was dealt with! so. it’s really fun.

he was born with a sorta Purpose, his dads family started this commune, and the dad wasnt at fault, he’s not malicious he’s really sweet and a bit slow and is often mistreated, he’s forced to have relations with lewis’ mom, who was sort of a nomadic runaway girl perfect for procreation after she got caught in the entanglement of this commune business in california. theyre both really young when they have lewis and his twin sister, lewis being prime because he’s the Male. lewis grew up believing all kids in the commune were his siblings and so he never realized the one girl he’d see all the time was his biological sister. so bascially they take lewis from the mom, say he’s not only her child but the communities child, just how it is with all kids, and she betrays the commune in a way i havent figured out and goes beserk because obviously everyone there is insane and shes exiled and lewis, all the while has no idea shes his mother. so great childhood… full of hard labor and sleeping in a room with rows of beds and dreaming about a woman and not knowing why, not knowing its because shes your mom (: haha

In 6th grade he’s finally allowed to go to a school with other boys because before this he was homeschooled and his world was reduced to the confinements of his commune. He goes to a spooky and prestigious boarding school in southern Oregon and wears a uniform. The place is really huge and brick and creepy but it feels like paradise with this freedom he finally gets to some extent and he’s learning how to function as a regular boy, although he finds it kind of impossible. 

CHRIS!!!!! Is his roommate at this boarding school in 6th grade. Chris is a very goofy lovesick boy who believes heavily in the energies of the earth and charging his crystals his hippie mother gave him and he paints his nails black and pushes the rules of the dress code every single day and tends to break it completely. He’s a punk who loves to piss adults off. He was forced to go there by his very strict abusive father and there he meets sweet sweet Lewis (:

Lewis has never had a friend like Chris and he doesn’t know how to successfully keep one and it’s a really stressful emotional cycle of enduring the weekends at the commune and coming back to school and to Chris amongst all the happy boys that lead mostly normal lives. Chris sort of realizes that he has feelings for boys in this time and has strange urges to hold Lewis’ hand and kiss him and stuff, but he refuses to truly acknowledge his feelings about who he is.  but he does, in fact, hold his hand and Lewis lets him and they’ll just hang out for hours in their room holding hands and talking about silly stuff. They come to be really close and mean a lot to each other, chris invite him over to his house on the weekends and lewis sneaks off with him, risking being punished because he didn’t go back with one of the Father’s or Brother’s of his commune. Chris and lewis are very adorable and they play with makeup together in chris’s room and eat snacks and explore mystic overhang and chris teaches him about the ways of modern life. in 7th grade they grow apart when they don’t share a room or anymore and Chris gets involved with different people, starts smoking weed and eventually gets with a guy in 8th grade hhhh… and Lewis focuses really hard in class and it’s sorta the end of that. 

When chris gets expelled in 8th grade they don’t see each other anymore, the only departing thing being chris’s journal that he gave to lewis before he was escorted off the premises, and in it is filled with entries about him. this journal was taken and destroyed at his commune by one of the Fathers when it was found, though :/ so yes, Lewis goes back to the commune because they plan on keeping him homeschooled for high school but there’s a group of 5 kids and 3 men from the commune that are heading to Nebraska around the time he’s 16, and they force lewis to be the 6th child that accompanies them in their trip. once there, he’s kept in a creepy abandoned house, hardly set up for living in and he’s living with these other children, like an odd family that has to function around one another, him being the oldest of “siblings”. he finds out eventually that they’re there for a weird ritual/sacrifice thing.. probably the most horror-ish horror element i developed for him thus far, its frankly insane and disturbing and theres a lot of layers and rituals they must do and humiliating tasks they must do all for a Grander godly purpose. the sole purpose of it is to reach ultimate redemption in heaven after a sinful life ahahahaa.. so basically the whole time they’re there, they’re trying to accumulate sin by being unloving, disciplinary, neglectful, …uhh…and lewis kept in a dark room, only candles and daylight light the house and they’re severely mistreated and malnourished. Lewis runs away at 18…but, through constant mistreatments of his body he ends up having gangrene in his left leg and has to have it amputated above the knee by a doctor he meets whom he has to give a Favor to as payment because he doesnt have money. and he gets a real shitty wooden prosthetic that isn’t comfortable at all and its not healing right, it’s a bit botched actually.. and he has crutches and that’s how he gets around. He goes back to Oregon to the town Mystic Overhang that Chris is from because remembers the town name vaguely, not even who said it or when he heard it, but he goes there because he doesn’t know many towns, so he decides to settle there and he makes a living prostituting for awhile at an area called Mouth’s Edge. he sees Chris again when Chris pays him for a bj l o l. and Chris recognizes him even though chris is coked out of his mind because he had a really rough night and got his shit kicked in by his dad… and Lewis almost shits himself because someone from his past is back and he’s really paranoid and weird about it cause he just blew one of his only friends he used to have. and he wants Chris to fuck off, but eventually Chris keeps coming back just to talk to him and see what he’s been up to and stuff, cause he still feels this familiar need to protect Lewis that he had back in middle school. He’s very consistent about seeing him and does every single night even when Lewis is working. lewis’ love for him comes gradually, even through chris is in love with him pretty much instantly. It takes a long time for Lewis to want to be touched and held but he lets people do it anyway, including chris, it’s an unhealthy thing he obviously needs therapy ha ha. they don’t officially date until an entire year later

lewis is very sweet boy he’s shy and he has trouble making eye contact. He’s really smart and loves to paint! That’s what he wants to do with life. He’s not gay per se, he doesn’t really feel much romantically unless someone, anyone is kind to him and patient and reeeeeeeally really consistent or else he would probably never fall in love, but any gender has the potential with him. He loves 40s-80s music so much and dances to it really dorky when he thinks no one is looking and Chris has sooooo many records. he loves to rollerskate! and he’s really good at it. he’s pretty damn masculine, more so than chris. and he’s strong (: and he wears ugly clothes that he finds in dumpsters. eventually he gets enrolled in college for art and sees a therapist he grows to love like a dad to be honest.. lewis he dyes his hair a lot (: it’s naturally golden but at first when he’s prostituting its short and purple and then grows out very long and then he cuts it a lil and dyes it pink..orange..etc etc. he’s a hard worker and he gets a job at the Junkyard where he meets his best friend Cody (: 

This is Lewis :) he’s white, 5′4 and he’s soft but strong and handsome and he’s got golden eyes and hair and he’s sweet n freckly.

Chris Russell (tristan’s) is 19… chris is greek and pakistani from his dad and white italian from his mom. he grew up an only child with them in an upper middle class environment because his dad … i don’t even know the legit title but he buys and sells properties for a fancy shmancy company. his mom is just a kindergarten teacher and that’s not a killer wage but. he’s very close to his mom he loves her to pieces, she’s a big stoner hippie (:. his dad on the other hand has always been really disciplinary and cold towards Chris, his dad is straight up abusive though, so there’s no excuses being made for him, but at first he didn’t do it just because he felt like it. he was just raised learning that it was the only effective way to discipline your kid and that it was the dynamic that Worked the best. Chris is a little problem child though, and not so much when he was a kid! he was so sweet and all he wanted to do was wear his mom’s makeup and clothes. he wore clips in his curly hair and pretty skirts and he loved music and being a mama’s boy and he loved her cooking. he loved reading and writing. but he was still abused by his dad, especially for his natural femininity. and as Chris got older he was such a rebel. he’s a mouthy, snarky, blunt little shit that never behaved or was cowered into doing things as his dad wanted. it wasn’t like he wasn’t afraid to get hit or anything but he didn’t show it and constantly provoked it. that’s in his teen years though especially

chris goes in and out of depression and mania constantly after middle school. he’s doing drugs, just weed at first but he’s always always high and he’s a big loner until he meets his Boys in 10th grade (: mikael ben and kylo. his parents divorce when he’s 15. he tries to convince himself he’s not gay and he gets with a girl but the ordeal is humiliating and she spreads the rumor that he was so bad at fingering her and touching her boobies that he must be Gay and so he retaliates by making photo copies of her nude pictures and spreading them. chris has questionable morality. you GOTTA know that about him.. he has problems and he can straight up not be a good person sometimes but overall he really is one and we be loving him or whatever. and he evens out in his 20′s and 30′s so it’s fine. HFSFSS but yeah! after awhile it’s sorta easy just to come out, and then he gets cocky and his gayness bleeds through everything he does. he starts dressing more effeminate again and he fucks around with a lotta guys and is really stupid about his recklessness. he gets into cocaine and gets so fucked up he doesn’t know who he’s banging half the time he just parties and is a big smelly butthead. and around the AIDS crisis no less… dumb ass. by some miracle he doesn’t catch anything or get anything so… this all happens, the worst of it anyway, when he’s 18 and stuff after he has this weird hook up relationship with Mikael his friend and our other OC hsdhbsd. and then he kinda just Takes himself off it after he bumps into Lewis again and goes through his withdrawals and smokes a ton of weed, i mean he’ll never quit that, its fine.

he loves to skateboard! he loves reading and writing. he aces his english classes and was in AP his whole life in that subject. he’s a big debater and critical thinker in those classes and the teachers love him and hate him for that. he writes in his journals constantly and he wants to be a writer someday.. he loves drag. he has a whole persona. her name is Crystal Balls. he’s really fuckin good at it too, he’s good at makeup and tucking and dressing up and caring for his wigs. he’s a big major faggot. he’s a top! even though everyone in the world does not think he is (: he’s a big top. and he can be masculine when he wants. he has masculine body language and a manly voice and he’s a big stoner skater but he can turn on that faggotry whenever he wants and its especially apparent in his Crystal persona. he plays piano and is very good at it (: he’s bipolar clinically but does not take meds (:  he self harms as a result of his polarizing emotions and his home life. he’s the horniest emo anyone will ever meet and legit is addicted to feel-good stuff and has a really addictive personality in general. so weed, food, sex, Lewis, etc. he’s really insecure and he thinks he is BUTT ugly but high key he’s the hottest OC either of us have like he’s just gorgeous that’s all there is to it. and he’ll go back and forth from Damn im fuckin hot to holy fuck i look like my dad i want to wear a ski mask everywhere. its mostly the latter though (: he hates his dad and hates that he looks so much like him. the only thing he likes about himself is his big dick and his legs that are straight up chick legs

here’s chris heh

Cody Glorymoon (mine), Lewis’  best friend, is 20 and she’s very pretty and she has delicate features but she’s big tomboy and works for her dad at the junkyard. she’s a ginger and she’s very tall and slim and she’s a little rough and cynical but she’s super soft and loving and smart.  and she cares for lewis so much that she’s a little in love with him at one point and it hurts her to be that way because she’s having her own sexuality and identity crisis and shes knows they can’t be together. she hates chris…because the girl chris used to date and spread her nudes was her sister and she’s extremely protective of her sister because they grew up very close and had traumatic experiences being put through frequent pageant shows and training as little girls? their mom was a piece of shit and eventually dumped them on their dad who previously was kept away from them. she also, in general, just doesn’t like chris and his personality. he’s a huge douche to her. until she softens for him in later years when she sees him a lot because he’s her best friend’s boyfriend. chris actually needs her help pretending to be his girlfriend in order to please his dad and keep him off his back so he can see lewis on the low… and she does it because she’s the only girl he knows that tolerates him enough and would do it for him and she comes over for dinner and other events hsdfjsdf its really funny watching chris pretend to like her. they grow closer this way and become real friends even though they always have this love/hate dynamic.

heres cody and cody giving lewis a smoochie 

here’s some gay and lesbian solidarity between chris and cody

Mikael Taylor (tristan’s) is 19 and one of the boys in Chris and Lewis’s friend group. He’s a foster kid who has really long hair and smokes too much weed because if he doesn’t his adhd gets the best of him. He and church have an on and off thing for quite a while until they break up and church moves away and gets with mason, although mikael is sort of crazy in love with church whether he likes to admit it or not, he’s always sorta waiting for him and mason to be Done even though it takes a long ass time, he really misses his opportunity with him the beginning. He likes to fuck and be with all kinds of different people, though, and commitment is definitely a fear of his (hence the on and off thing with church). He’s really sweet though and he loves lewis to death. Hes funny and outgoing and cool and Everyone likes him. Everyone. He’s got a cool septum piercing and one of those gum piercings right under the lip as well. He’s also huge gauged ears and he wears a beanie and hawaiian shirts with dad shorts and socks and sandals (which are like the only shoes he owns). He’s half native american and half caucasian, he sleeps a lot and he has a huge thing for milfs. (chris and ben’s moms especially)

mikael is 6′4, and pretty lean and has got some muscles. he’s got sharper features and he has green eyes and gross facial hair wispies

Benjamin Jacobs (tristan’s) is 19 and is another one of the boys from the friend group. He’s a big, heavy jock who really enjoys theatre and foootball. He’s from up north, so he has an accent thats quite strong and pretty cliche. He’s got pretty short blonde hair and freckles spread across his soft cheeks. He’s quite angry most of the time and he can be very loud, especially with chris whenever chris is being himself and annoying the shit out of him. He does have a temper but he tries his best to control it around lewis. Oh yeah and he also loves lewis a lot (: he lives in a really nice suburban neighborhood and his home is loudly occupied with his mother, dawn, who is your classic 80’s rhode island mom complete with the big poofy curls and the hoop earrings, and his two brothers and one sister. He has a man cave which is the entire home basement that he and the boys all hang out in 24/7, filled with beanbags a television, a pool table and a blow up doll named Patrisha that chris drew a penis on. Again, he hates chris. ALSO he’s in love with kylo’s sister named Leslies and he pines for her 24/7

ben is big chubby and blond, he’s 6′1 and hes so hot i think he’s so hot bro. he’s juicy he’s a thick quarterback with blue eyes

Kylo Cavillo (tristan’s) is the last member of the boys group. Kylo is a sweet Hispanic boy with vitiligo who has a hard time expressing himself. He’s very excitable and he falls in love with people very easily… he has this weird crush/obsession with chris that’s not talked about within the group much but it can be more than obvious at times even though he denies that he’s gay. He and lewis get along very well and he loves him a lot, they both were deprived of a lot of the modern things like certain tv shows and games and phrases and ways of doing things so they’re able to bond on that fact. Kylo lives at home with his mother and father, who is a big part of the Mystic Overhang Tiburón’s (a gang) and he owns their family restaurant called El Baño HHHDSF which kylo comes to take over himself when he’s older. He has three sisters and he is the youngest of all siblings, so he grew up with girls his entire life and definitely has some femininity to him. He’s very sweet and innocent, though, and means well with all his endeavors. He likes to grease his jet black hair back and wear gold chains with his baseball jerseys and blue jeans. OH he also has epileptic seizures and it’s very scary but mikael knows well how to deal and handle them when they happen because he has experience both with his foster siblings and kylo himself because mikael knew him the longest!

and here’s mister kylo, he is very small about 5′1 and skinny, he has big pretty expressive brown eyes and lil cute mustache and unibrow (:

[sulevinblade]

(Talesfromthefade) things you said when you were drunk, for the DWC?

OH MY GOD this was a little idea that got away from me in a big big way but I’m still pretty happy with it. For this and for “cafune - the act of running your fingers through the hair of someone you love,” from @contreparry! For @dadrunkwriting!!

Alistair/Leohta Aeducan, T for language, dumb suggestive jokes, and alcohol use, 4k+ words (awaaaay from me, I wish I had time to edit it but uh I spent the entire time writing it instead). 

On the cusp of the party’s visit to Orzammar, Alistair learns what kind of drunk Leohta can be, and shares a little lesson of his own. Light angst, serious fluff.

He finds her standing on the rocky beach, well away from the dim glow provided by the Spoiled Princess’s small windows. It takes a moment for Alistair’s eyes to adjust to the complete dark–the night watch Templar doused all the torches at the dock, as clear an indication as anything that no one else would cross Lake Calenhad tonight–but even if he’d had to follow her blind he could’ve found her by the sound.

Bloop.

Normally finding Leohta by sound means the clank or grind of armour, the grunts or barks of Leon, or even her rare laughter at something Zevran said (it was always Zevran making her laugh), but tonight the sound is completely unfamiliar. It’s still enough to guide him, though.

Bloop.

Last he’d seen her, she was swapping some of the coin they’d made selling things to the Templar quartermaster for three large bottles of deep pink liquid. It seemed a bit of a racket to Alistair, that they should collect the mages’ items as they cleared the Tower only to sell them to the Templars who would then in turn sell them back to the Mages, but surely if that wasn’t how the economy of the Circle usually worked, Wynne would’ve said something. That was Alistair’s hope, anyway, as he’d watched Leohta count the coins before they left, then again at the tavern’s bar. She’d tossed the bag back to him before collecting the bottles and heading outside, and he in turn had left it with Zevran.

Bloop.

“You have known our illustrious leader the longest among any of us. Has this always been a habit of hers?” Alistair squinted across the table, trying to determine Zevran’s game, but succeeded only in giving up his own. “You think I see this as a weakness I can exploit, but I would think even you would see that if I were going to do so, I would have done it by now and certainly would not draw attention to my plans by involving you.” His eyes only narrowed further–how does Zevran make talking down to him still seem so seductive?–but Alistair did sit back in his chair.

“I haven’t known her all that long, really, but I don’t think so. Why d'you ask?”

“My Antiva makes the finest wines in Thedas, so it is not uncommon to see those there who overindulge, but there are many types. Leohta, she is young and exploring her limits, yes, but she is also trying to drown things she does not want to feel. Her limits are low and the things she seeks to kill are very large. It is a dangerous combination.”

Alistair glanced again toward the door. Of course she hadn’t come back inside, that’d be too much to ask for, but what was he supposed to do?

“If it is too much for you, I will go after her, but she should not be alone.” Both of their chairs scraped back at the same time but Alistair was the first to stand, something that for some reason brought a sad smile to Zevran’s face. Alistair could only look at it for a moment before looking away.  "I know you do not think much of me, Alistair, and while that is entirely your loss, I do know that one thing we have in common is how much we care for her. Go see to her, my friend, before her sorrows are not all she drowns. It is probably for the best; I am not much of a swimmer myself.“

Bloop.

So now here he is, approaching carefully, pretending to be taking in the constellations while Leohta hurls rocks at the water like she’s trying to knock the waves down before they can reach the shore. The night is perfectly clear; Kinloch Hold is merely a dark space in the sky where the stars are missing, but everything else is black sky and white twinkles. He clears his throat in case she somehow hasn’t noticed since he doesn’t fancy getting one of those stones thrown at him, but she only pauses for a moment before bending to search the area around her feet for another suitable candidate. One bottle is already empty, stuffed mouth down among the pebbles and into the sand underneath them, and as Alistair finishes closing the distance Leohta gives up her search and instead tips to land on her backside, legs out in front of her and a second bottle in her hand. He knows they’re not small but her stature makes them seem even larger; it makes the sight of her lifting one to her lips almost comical but the effect is spoiled by how long it stays there. Maker’s breath, Zevran was right when he talked about drowning.

"You planning on coming up for air any time soon?”

There’s a pop as she breaks the vacuum she’s created, then a dry laugh. She still isn’t looking at him. It makes his chest hurt, how badly he wants her to turn her head. “Breathe through your nose and you can use your mouth for whatever you want.”

“You’re spending too much time with Zevran, saying things like that.” Sighing, Alistair drops down crosslegged at her side and extends a hand. “What are you even drinking? I’ve never seen anything that color in a tavern before.”

“One of the Templars told me about it. I guess–” there’s a pause and she bunches up her eyebrows, apparently trying to put the pieces back together, “I guess the mother started making it as a tribute to her daughter and now of course it’s all very sad but the owner still makes it as a specialty. Sweet mead made with roses.” She passes over the open bottle, not bothering to wipe the top, and the expression on her face, like she’s sharing a secret, distracts him so much he can’t be bothered either. She wasn’t kidding when she said it was sweet but the roses are strong too, floral and delicate. He passes the bottle back after just one mouthful.

“I’ve never had a mead like that before. It’s very… different.” Leohta seems to accept that answer, nodding before lifting the bottle to her lips again.

“There’s nothing like this in Orzammar. Not even in the palace. Not even to make it. No honey, no roses, and when there is if you said you wanted to make something like this with it, you’d be laughed out of the kitchen.” She holds the bottle in front of her contemplatively, swishing the contents back and forth gently and tilting her head in time with the motion. Alistair’d almost think it was a contented sort of gesture but then she sighs and drops her head back, hair falling over her shoulders as she lifts the bottle skyward. “Nothing like that, either. No stars, no sky. Some of the caverns are so high the ceilings are invisible, but you still know they’re up there.” Slowly, she lowers the bottle but keeps her gaze fixed upward.

“Do you miss that?” It’s not something he’s given a lot of thought to but it’s hard to imagine. Even within the walls of the Chantry there were windows. The sky was always there, or not-there maybe, when compared to a ceiling of stone. Trying to imagine life without it or everything it held–the sun, the moons, the clouds and stars and birds–was virtually impossible, but here was Leohta not just imagining the opposite but living it.

“Dunno. I still don’t understand all this. What keeps it up there?” Her hand waves up at the stars but only briefly; even sitting down she’s unsteady without both hands to support her. “With the stone, you know that even if you can’t see the ceiling, it’s still held there by the stone. Nothing floats, nothing rises or sets.” Watching her profile, he can see the way it hardens as her train of thought jumps the track. “Nothing changes.”

He shifts a little, the pebbles grinding softly underneath him as he leans to try to catch her eye. “You changed.”

This time when she looks over at him, it gives him a chill. The stone she’s been so contemplative about has found a home in her eyes, the set of her mouth. They seem cold and stiff and almost lifeless, soft evening blue turned to lapis lazuli. Still beautiful but hard. “I left, and not by choice. You wouldn’t know how much I’ve changed, Alistair. You have no idea what I was like before we met.”

“I suppose not, but I do know you’ve changed in the time I’ve known you.” He keeps his voice softer now, speaking carefully to avoid that stony shift becoming somehow permanent. He hasn’t seen her look like that since before Ostagar, and to lose all the little ways she’s softened since then would be the greatest waste. “Do you miss that? Or her, I guess. Do you miss who you were before?”

Her laugh is a single humorless sound that moves her entire body, shaking her shoulders and flexing her stomach. “What does that matter? She’s dead. Worse than dead.” There’s venom in her voice but Alistair doesn’t flinch since for once he’s certain it’s not directed at him. He watches as Leohta stands, a wobbly process that involves repeated planting of hands and feet before she can push herself vertical. There’s a powerful temptation to offer her help but the set of her jaw makes him stay his hand, even if whatever effect she might be going for is already ruined by her own unsteadiness. “Nobody mourned her, nobody misses her, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s dead. Bhelen killed her as sure as he killed Trian. The prince is dead, the princess is dead. Princess Aeducan is dead.” Her voice is raising, getting louder and more raw the longer she speaks, until finally she’s yelling out at the water. “Princess Leohta Aeducan, second born and best beloved daughter of House Aeducan, is dead!” She punctuates the last word by throwing the empty bottle into the water but it’s a bad throw, short and shallow. The bottle makes only a small splash then floats, reflecting the moonlight as it bobs its way back toward the shore.

Alistair rises, brushing at the back of his breeches, and makes his way up to stand beside her. He’s well within punching range, possibly a dangerous gamble, but if the way she’s carrying herself is any indication, it wouldn’t hurt very much right now. Plus, if she punched him, at least it’d prove she was feeling something. “I’d mourn her but like you said, I never did get to meet her. I’ve met Warden Aeducan, though, and I think she’s pretty great. Accomplished a lot, too.”

She’s bent back down and is sorting through the stones at her feet, tucking some in the bend of her other arm. Standing back up is a careful process but she’s shaking her head the entire time. “They’re not gonna think so.” Her voice is normal again but her profile is still stony.

Bloop.

Was this was he was like heading into Redcliffe? Of course, he hadn’t gotten drunk on sickly sweet mead to deal with it, but he’d had his turn as the prodigal royal-but-not-really. The main difference was he never wanted it, but she spoke so little of her life before the Grey Wardens. Was the crown of Orzammar what she’d really wanted? Not that it really mattered now. “Seems to me they had their chance to appreciate you and they blew it.”

“Oh, no. That’s the thing. Up until the end, they loved Princess Aeducan. That was the whole problem. She was too well-loved. Luckily, I’m not.” Leohta stares out at the ripples from her last throw but the fight’s going out of her. It ought to be a comfort, less risk of being punched, but instead it just hurts more. He curls his hands into fists at his sides to keep from reaching out, swallows the words that’d tell her just how deeply loved she is and not only by him, as much as he might wish it were so.

“We could go back to Denerim without going to Orzammar.” Aaaaaaaalistair, what’re you doooooooing? He ignores the voice in the back of his head, prepared to make an argument for mounting their assault without the help of the dwarves, but Leohta shakes her head. She’s drunk and she’s still got better sense than you.

“Just because I don’t want to go back doesn’t mean we don’t have to. Being a Grey Warden isn’t supposed to be fun, hasn’t been so far, why start now?” She seems to consider the matter closed as she turns her attention back to the rocks she’s holding, sorting through them as though looking for a particular one. They start to slip away and clack into the pebbles below and with a frustrated sigh she picks one, letting the remainder drop. “This is supposed to be, though. How the fuck do you do this?” Another windup, another bloop.

“Wait. What are you trying to do?”

“Make it…” She shakes her head, the word apparently lost, and instead makes a bouncing motion with her hand.

“You’re trying to skip stones… by heaving them at the surface of the water with all your might?” And there’s the punch he was waiting for, exactly as painless as expected. It’s not even hard enough to stop him laughing.

“I saw you and Zevran do it in Redcliffe before we left and it seemed to calm you down so I thought I’d try. You made it look easy, but if you’re just gonna laugh then forg–”

Alistair intercepts her before she can start to walk away. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just that I never would have guessed that’s what you were trying to do. I thought you were mad at the lake or something.” She’s looking up at him, wary, so he holds his hands up in innocence. “If you still want to try, I can show you.”

“No more laughing?”

“No more laughing. Warden’s honor.” When Leohta seems satisfied with his intentions, Alistair finally looks away from her, crouching down. “The first thing you need is the right kind of rock. It needs to be pretty flat and you want a triangle shape if you can find one, but flat will do for now.”

She’s crouching as well. “I thought it would be better with a round rock, like a ball.” She’s quiet, almost chastized, and Alistair has to duck his head and cough into his fist to hide the grin it conjures.

“No, that’ll break through the water and sink. A flat rock will bounce better. Something like these.” He shows her the three he’s found, all rounder still than he’d like but they should do the trick. She holds up a couple of her own and really, they’re no better, but they’re only for learning. “Yes, those will do. Now.” Alistair drops to his knees and crooks his fingers around one of the stones. “You have to hold it like this, because the important part is that you get it to spin. That’s what makes it skip.”

Leohta’s squinting at his hand, then she tries it out herself. Her hands are smaller so she can’t quite circle it the way he does, but Alistair hopes it’ll work out. “Like this?”

“Just like that. Now, the other trick is not to throw it up but to flick it. You want it to stay flat so you have to kind of–” He turns his arm out at the elbow and flicks the rock out onto the water. Four hops, not his best work but not bad.

When he looks back at Leohta, though, she’s entranced. She watches the ripples so long he has to clear his throat to get her attention back, but this time every trace of the stone is gone from her face. She looks eager, determined, but also a little embarrassed. Surprised to have been caught, probably, but it’s a charming expression nonetheless. She turns to face the water again, weighing the rock in her hand, then moves her arm and throws.

It splashes and sinks just like all her other attempts. Leohta curses softly and starts to turn away but Alistair catches her wrist.

“Hey, no way. You’re not giving up after one attempt. C'mon. We’ve got two more rocks, so two more tries, then I guess I can let you give up.” He starts to move before she can start to argue.

“It’s not giving up, Alistair, it’s accepting the inedible. Inedibibble. Ined… remind me to compliment the tavernkeeper tomorrow. His stuff is good.” Her voice gradually gets softer, a delayed reaction to where Alistair has taken up a position just behind her. It’s extremely convenient for him: she can’t see how his face is burning up from the presumptuousness of being so close to her, but it’s also the best position to show her how to move her arm. He wraps his hand around hers and lifts her arm into position.

“From here, you have to flick your hand out. Try to imagine the rock spinning out from the inside of your thumb and taking all that energy with it. The harder you can flick it, the more it’ll bounce and the more hops you’ll–all right, that’s it, you and Zevran are officially being separated because that’s not even dirty and now you’ve made it dirty. I hope you’re happy.” The woman in front of him is struggling to contain her laughter, he can tell, and as much as he wants to keep her focus on him, it’s hard to be genuinely upset. She doesn’t laugh nearly enough and especially not around him. The fact that whatever is so funny is lost on him is a far distant concern.

Alistair waits for her to compose herself then takes a moment to compose himself in turn when she settles back into a proper posture that puts her in contact with him from shoulder to hip. She’s nearly as tall as he is when he’s on his knees like this, a fact he’s thought about many times but never quite in this situation. Leohta gives herself a little shake, tossing her hair in his face as she does. He tries to blow it out of the way but there’s just too much. All right then, one thing at a time.

“Now. Just remember, angle your hand back and then flick. That word is ruined for me now, I think. You’ve ruined flicking.” In front of him Leohta snorts and Alistair make a private vow to forbid Zevran from using that word. He wants it to be their joke even if he doesn’t understand it. “Do you think you can manage?”

“To flick? I’ve done all right for the last few years anyway.” She giggles and clears her throat. “All right. Angle my hand back,” and her hand is moving inside of his so he loosens his grip, “then forward and flick!”

Alistair peers over her shoulder and sure enough. Blip, blip. One hop, but it’s one more than she’d managed before. He puts his hands on her shoulders and squeezes. “There you go! Well done, Warden Aeducan.” She lifts one hand to pat his but he can tell she’s still looking at the ripples.

After a moment, he releases her shoulders and, feeling a little bolder by the fact that she hasn’t elbowed him away yet, reaches forward to comb his fingers through her hair. It’s a practical gesture–even as he’s speaking, her hair is getting in his mouth–but hardly exclusively practical. Her hair is thick and her scalp surprisingly warm underneath it. In front of him she’s gone very still; he thinks she might even be holding her breath but then again, so is he. He focuses on his own hands until he’s gathered her hair at the back of her neck, but then the tension in it changes and oh.

Alistair looks up and she’s right there, her head turned to look at him. Maker’s breath but she’s close, her mouth gently open and her eyes searching his face. Her breath smells like honey and roses and his hand is still in her hair, it’d be so easy and it might be perfect but she’s been drinking and that’s not right. Or might it be OK, with her looking at him like that? The motion of her lips is so mesmerizing that it takes him a moment to realize she’s speaking to him.

“Alistair.” And like that, the moment is over, or at least set aside. “Would you do that again?”

“Of course.” She could ask him to fetch the moons from the sky right now and he’d say yes, but… “Wait, do what?” He didn’t do anything other than have a whole lot of thoughts in a very short span of time.

“Touch my hair. That was nice.” She’s leaning more of her weight against him now and it’s nice but also just starting to make him concerned. Still, he already said yes, so Alistair releases her hair from where he’s holding it and threads his fingers through it again, starting at her temple, mindful of and parallel to the little braid she’s so meticulous about. As he does it, her eyes drift closed but her face is relaxed. It’s not quite a smile but he’ll take it. “Again,” she murmurs as his hand comes to rest on the back of her neck.

Alistair laughs softly but he complies with her request, stroking his fingers through her hair again. And again, and once more, until she leans forward completely and drops her head onto his shoulder. Her breath is warm on his neck as he gives her one last stroke, then stops to reach out away from her. She grumbles softly in protest but he hushes her. “I’m just getting your other bottle. It’s bought and paid for, no sense leaving it here.”

“Why, where’re we going?”

“I don’t know yet about myself but you are doing to bed. Sleeping standing up is only good for horses and probably Sten, and sleeping on your knees is good for no one. Now, come on, up you get.” He hooks the hand holding the unopened bottle of rhodomel under Leohta’s knees, his other arm coming up behind her shoulders. She grumbles again as he starts to stand and he pauses before beginning to walk.

“You’re carrying me like a princess.” The humor in her voice warms him but now he feels a little more confident about deflecting it.

“I’m a Warden carrying another Warden like a Warden. No princesses here. Well, except for the tavern but I’m certainly not trying to pick that up. I could throw you over my shoulder if you wanted, but you have to promise not to throw up on my back.”

“No promises.” She slumps against his shoulder as he starts to walk. It’s only a few steps from the beach to the door but he takes his time. Who knows what Orzammar will do to her, or what she might do to Orzammar? The answer is liable to be complicated but this, for as unexpected as it is, feels strangely simple. She might not even remember it in the morning, but it’s not a feeling Alistair’s going to forget any time soon. “Alistair.”

“I don’t have a free hand to pet you, but if you can stay awake until we get inside, maybe I’ll give you scritches once I get you upstairs.” He’s trying to figure out how he’s going to open the door when she shakes her head and answers.

“Thank you for coming out tonight. I’m sorry I’m–”

“None of that now. You have nothing to be sorry for, and if anything I should say thank you for having me.” Alistair manages to hook the latch with his pinkie then wedge his foot into the gap, kicking the door open as he maneuvers her inside. “You may not have found it so, but I think being a Warden can be a little bit fun, if you’re with the right person. Or people,” he continues, scrambling to cover for himself while trying to ease the door’s closing with his foot. Once he’s got both feet back on the ground, he looks down at the woman in his arms. Fast asleep, looking as young as he’s ever seen her and more peaceful than she has possibly the entire time he’s known her. The inn’s main room is empty, the fire doused, and he’s almost loathe to speak again and interrupt the silence, but he does.

“Or person. Just the right person.”

[camillemontespan]

the epiphany [AU. drake walker x MC]

Set on the evening of the 'The Awakening'. I wrote that Drake and Camille had had a fight before he went to her apartment to fix things, so here is what happened :) p.s I realised halfway through that in the other parts of the fic, Camille had never been to Drake’s before. I forgot that she had (bad planning on my part, sorry!) So let’s just ignore it, act like she had been to his apartment briefly. Cool.

The sleek black town car pulled up in front of Camille's brownstone, right on schedule. 7pm. Camille checked her reflection in the mirror. Her dark hair was tousled and her eye makeup smokey. She reapplied her nude lipstick before grabbing her silver clutch and left the apartment.

Liam was waiting for her in the town car. He was dressed up, wearing a black suit. 'You look fancy,' she said, slipping into the car beside him. 'You look gorgeous,' he replied, kissing her cheek before signalling to his driver to head to the restaurant. It was a new restaurant on the Upper East Side and Liam had been keen to take her so they could try something new. 

He had been taking her on dates for the past month and they had been lovely dates, she wouldn’t dispute that, but she felt something was off. As in, with her. But she wasn’t sure what. 

The car pulled up outside the restaurant and Liam helped her out. ‘I got us the best table in the house,’ he told her, smiling. The restaurant was decked out in green marble, dark wood tables and downlights. The waiter led them out on the terrace where a single table was stood, overlooking the view of the city skyline. ‘Wow...’ Camille breathed. Liam smiled and drew out her chair. They settled down and Liam ordered a bottle of Dom Perignon. Camille tried her best to hide her wince; she hated it when he flashed the cash, but that was how he was. The son of a technology mogul who had counted Steve Jobs as a close friend and a  mother who was an ex-Victoria’s Secret model, Liam had been used to a lavish lifestyle all of his life. He had gone to Princeton, graduated first in his class and had went on to work on Wall Street.  Whenever he took Camille out, it was bottles of champagne and caviar all night. At first, she had insisted they split the bill but when she saw the amount, she had awkwardly admitted that her half of the bill was her rent. Liam had happily paid and he had continued to pay every time they had a date. She wished he would just take her to a normal place or even just a bar where they could shoot pool but they never did. 

They sat and talked about work, new gallery exhibitions in the city and food. It was nice conversation but that was all it was. Nice. As he talked about his boss, Camille’s thoughts wandered away from the conversation and she found herself  thinking about Drake. 

Liam’s best friend. The guy she hadn’t exactly gotten along with at first but they suddenly started to talk more, before they began hanging out together alone. Drake was so different from Liam. He was friendly, of course, but he had these walls up which made it hard to get past the rough edges of him. But Camille had persevered and she found that he was a softie under the tough exterior. He had admitted one night when they were a little drunk that he had a crush on her and he often called her by her last name, Montespan, to stop her from getting close. It was when they were strolling through Central Park a few weeks ago that their hands brushed and they were suddenly holding hands. Drake had let out a breath, as if he had been holding it in, and Camille realised that he had wanted to hold her hand the whole time. She felt weirdly happy about that.

She wondered what Drake would think of this restaurant. No, she knew. Beautiful view but pretentious food and ridiculously expensive. Plus he hated marble. He felt it was too cold. He preferred dive bars and small restaurants with hearty dishes. She didn’t even know if he knew how to pronounce Dom Perignon. 

She wished he was there with her right now.

Camille blinked at the realisation and dropped her fork.  ‘Camille? You okay?’ She nodded mutely. ‘Yeah. Yeah. Um, Liam... I have to go, I’m sorry. I’ve got to be in early to work tomorrow, I’m sorry, I just remembered my boss wants me to sort out his meetings for the rest of the year...’  She gathered up her coat and bag. Liam sighed. ‘No worries, Camille,’ he said gently. She couldn’t tell if he believed her or not. 

She managed to blag her way out of getting back into his car, as he was insisting on dropping her home, and when he was gone, she hailed a cab. She had been to Drake’s once before, very briefly, but she remembered his address. 

Drake had been planning to drink whiskey until he was black out drunk. He had had one glass so far, not feeling the effects but hey, the night was still young. He knew that Liam was taking Camille out tonight. Liam had been telling him about this new restaurant in the Upper East Side which to Drake, sounded expensive and pretentious. He had a feeling Camille would think the same. She wasn’t like the girls Liam dated - she actually enjoyed crappy dive bars. Drake had been drinking to get drunk because it would help take his mind off her. At least for a night. Then he would wake up tomorrow, hungover and still in love with her. But he couldn’t have her. 

His apartment buzzed and he frowned. He wasn’t expecting visitors. He pressed the speaker. ‘Hello?’ ‘Drake, it’s me, Camille.’ He froze. What was she doing here? How did she remember where he lived? ‘Um... come up?’ He buzzed her in and opened the door, watching the elevator flash as she got inside and it made its way up to his apartment. The doors opened and there she was. She was crying.  ‘Camille?’  She sniffed and rubbed her eyes, smearing her eyeliner. ‘Drake, I can’t keep dating him. It’s too hard.’ Drake beckoned her inside the apartment and gave her a hug. ‘Camille, it’s okay.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s not. It was so obvious tonight - I zoned out and started thinking about you and how I wished you were there instead and oh God, I made this ridiculous excuse about working early tomorrow. I feel so bad, but he bought the champagne and he got a table with the view, but it’s just not me! I’m not that kind of girl, I hate being wined and dined! I wanted to be with you.’ She choked and her eyes filled with fresh tears and Drake’s heart ached for her. He pulled her in close, holding her gently. He didn’t know what to do. 

‘Do you want some water? Or tea?’ he asked. He had heard that tea apparently solved everything. She looked up at him. ‘Do you have anything stronger?’ He pointed at the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. ‘Be my guest.’

She poured a glass and leaned against the sideboard. ‘I’m sorry to burst in here. You were having a quiet night.’ ‘Don’t worry, Montespan,’ he said. ‘Are you alright?’ She was studying the floor, frowning. She looked up suddenly. ‘Drake, do you love me?’ His eyes widened. ‘Oh. Um. Well-’ ‘Because I love you.’ Drake stepped back, catching himself on the wall. He was not expecting that. At all. ‘Camille, are you drunk?’ She stared at him. ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ He held up his hands. ‘Sorry, sorry! It’s just... that was unexpected.’ ‘So you don’t love me,’ she said quietly. Drake moved to her. ‘Camille, god, I’m going to regret saying this. I do. I love you.’ She looked up at him, her eyes full of hope. ‘You do?’ He nodded. His heart was breaking right now. ‘I love you. But I can’t be with you.’

Her breath caught and she looked at him, her chest rising and falling quickly. ‘Why?’ ‘Because you should be with Liam. He is the one for you. He can look after you. He can make you happy-’ ‘But you make me happy!’ ‘I meant long-term. He is worthy of you. I’m not. I won’t bring you down Camille, I refuse to. He won’t do that. You should be with him.’ He couldn’t believe he was trying to convince her not to be with him. After the months of sleepless nights, those private moments with her when he wanted to just kiss her, hold her, tell her he cared for her, he was telling her to be with his best friend instead. After all of that heartache. Drake felt like his heart was splitting.

‘How dare you, Drake?’ she started, her eyes wide. ‘How fucking DARE you? You have no right to tell me who to be with or how I can be happy. Do you realise you make me happy? You, Drake Walker? I thought that maybe we could start something, be together, see how it went, but you won’t even consider it!’

‘I can’t betray Liam,’ Drake explained. ‘he really likes you.’ ‘Liam will get over it,’ Camille spat. ‘He’s nice, attractive, rich. Girls will fall over themselves to be with him.’ ‘Camille, think. You don’t want to be with me. Trust me, I’m not boyfriend material.’ ‘Why are you trying so hard to convince me? Would you rather I hated you?’ ‘No, but please, try and understand-’ ‘I can’t understand. I don’t want to be with Liam. I want to be with you,’ she said, stepping closer, getting close to his face. Her eyes were filled with anger. ‘I love you. But you keep throwing it back in my face.’ ‘Camille-’ He reached out to pull her into him but she shoved him away, hard.  Tears were running down her face. ‘Stop it, Drake! You feel something for me but you keep trying to push me away, I hate how you always try to push me away!’ Drake reached out to hold her, pleading with her to listen. ‘Please, Camille, I’m sorry-’ ‘If you don’t feel the same, then you don’t get to touch me ever again,’ she said, her voice filled with venom. She slammed her whiskey glass on the sideboard. ‘Bye, Walker.’ She stormed out of the apartment, slamming the front door shut behind her. 

Drake stumbled back onto the sofa, his head in his hands. He willed the hot tears that were forming behind his eyes to dissolve but they didn’t - they fell down his cheeks. He felt hollow. What had he done? Why had he thrown away the best thing that ever happened to him? 

He drank some more but her face wouldn’t fade. He didn’t even fell drunk. He just felt sad. He looked at the clock. 10.30pm. He couldn’t face the rest of the night with them not speaking. He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t. He loved her. With new resolve, he grabbed his keys and left the apartment, not caring that it was pouring rain outside. He was going to fix this.

[synthfolks]

well babe u asked for it!!!! Do them All!!!

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?prolly jude2. Are you outgoing or shy?depends on context3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?gf when break starts4. Are you easy to get along with?on some level but i dont think im easy to be friends w5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?6. What kind of people are you attracted to?creative ppl w curly hair who make me laugh7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?idk8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?hh. my friend nick9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?not rly honestly, i just worry about making others uncomfortable10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?jude11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“I can’t decide whether to tell you to do odds or evens12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?get innocuous- lcd soundsystem, american guilt- unknown mortal orchestra, fear o the light- katie dey, kaputt- destroyer, nervous young inhumans- car seat headrest13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?yess14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?on some level15. What good thing happened this summer?spent a lot of time w friends and gf16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?ye17. Do you think there is life on other planets?somewhere yeah, not necessarily intelligent life tho18. Do you still talk to your first crush?first real crush occasionally yeah19. Do you like bubble baths?yeah20. Do you like your neighbors?i live in a dorm but yeah21. What are you bad habits?biting nails, talk too much, messy22. Where would you like to travel?south america23. Do you have trust issues?lol24. Favorite part of your daily routine?coffee25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?thighs26. What do you do when you wake up?lay in bed forever, then get some coffee27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?idc28. Who are you most comfortable around?jude rn29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?yeah30. Do you ever want to get married?it’s not like a goal but it’d be nice31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?ya32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?beck (not rly)33. Spell your name with your chin.not gonna do this w my roommate sitting here34. Do you play sports? What sports?climbing obvs35. Would you rather live without TV or music?tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?usually37. What do you say during awkward silences?idk fucking ramble or complain about something38. Describe your dream girl/guy?idk kind funny patient w me 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?thrift stores, in terms of brands i like prana40. What do you want to do after high school?im in college!41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?no42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?im bothered by smth, or im just chilling, or im out of it43. Do you smile at strangers?ya44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?who knows46. What are you paranoid about?lol!47. Have you ever been high?ya48. Have you ever been drunk?ya49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?i dont think so 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?no idea51. Ever wished you were someone else?always52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?i wanna be better at making and having friends53. Favourite makeup brand?nyx dude idk54. Favourite store?idk55. Favourite blog?climbsbian56. Favourite colour?blue57. Favourite food?idk but i rly fucking love thai food ive eaten it 4 days this week58. Last thing you ate?chocolate59. First thing you ate this morning?some weird bougie candy 60. Ever won a competition? For what?climbing comps!61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?both for self harm62. Been arrested? For what?nah63. Ever been in love?yeah64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?rly liked this girl in 8th grade, spilled that i liked her during truth or dare, we both went to another friend’s house for a sleepover and in the middl of the night she kissed me and we made out for lke 30 min while our other friend was 6 inches away from us. we thought she was asleep but she wasnt65. Are you hungry right now?sorta66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?sometimes67. Facebook or Twitter?neither but i use twitter even less than fb68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?no70. Names of your bestfriends?hanae, i’d say jude71. Craving something? What?titty72. What colour are your towels?white72. How many pillows do you sleep with?1 but i have a ton more on my bed73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?no74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?idk maybe 20 somewhere back home75. Favourite animal?dogs?76. What colour is your underwear?blue77. Chocolate or Vanilla?chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?any sorta chocolate79. What colour shirt are you wearing?gray80. What colour pants?navy pajama pants81. Favourite tv show?idk probs the good place atm82. Favourite movie?idk83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?ive only seen mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?the goth lesbian86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?um87. First person you talked to today?barista88. Last person you talked to today?some person in the common room, texting jude tho89. Name a person you hate?zach90. Name a person you love?jude91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?honestly would love to punch my friend/boss. but then be cool after92. In a fight with someone?no93. How many sweatpants do you have??94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have??95. Last movie you watched?i literally can’t even remember96. Favourite actress?idk man97. Favourite actor?“98. Do you tan a lot?not rly99. Have any pets?dog bodhie!100. How are you feeling?kinda overwhelmed101. Do you type fast?yeah102. Do you regret anything from your past?so many things!103. Can you spell well?yeah104. Do you miss anyone from your past?yeah105. Ever been to a bonfire party?yeah106. Ever broken someone’s heart?yeah107. Have you ever been on a horse?yeah108. What should you be doing?school project109. Is something irritating you right now?my relationship w 2 of my friends110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?ya111. Do you have trust issues?ya112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?jude? almost cried in front of a psychiatrist today113. What was your childhood nickname?emenator or em114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?ya115. Do you play the Wii?used to116. Are you listening to music right now?yeah117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?yeah118. Do you like Chinese food?yeah119. Favourite book?hard question!120. Are you afraid of the dark?not rly121. Are you mean?sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay?sometimes123. Can you keep white shoes clean?no124. Do you believe in love at first sight?not rly125. Do you believe in true love?idk!126. Are you currently bored?kinda127. What makes you happy?climbing128. Would you change your name?mm idk129. What your zodiac sign?gemini130. Do you like subway?it’s fine131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? im lesbian and lets not get into this132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?prolly jude133. Favourite lyrics right now? h134. Can you count to one million?hypothetically bruh it takes literally days135. Dumbest lie you ever told?idk136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?closed137. How tall are you?5′6.5″138. Curly or Straight hair?wavy139. Brunette or Blonde?in between140. Summer or Winter?summer141. Night or Day?night142. Favourite month?june143. Are you a vegetarian?no144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?dark145. Tea or Coffee?coffee146. Was today a good day?it was fine147. Mars or Snickers?snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?idk it’s all the hard questions ig149. Do you believe in ghosts?sort of150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? an unfamiliar city and get home through the wilderness, in case

[falconsandfishes]

platonic relationship

i have a bone to pick with plato. see the socratic method is basically the scene in montynpython in which a woman is weighed against a peice of wood to determine if she is a witch. and this is pretty much also the measurement system women use for me judge a cardio junkie by his ability to withstand smoke fumes. ive been up all night listening to eminem because i wish that i had the mysogny that he had because logically i should be mad at these females who lie to me but apparently developmentally theyre limited. 

so pretty much i just want my neck not to hurt and my side and platonic love isn really the kind which could support my lumbar spine but if you think im angry you are right and maybe if i rhyme my brain will work this time and ill finally be able to explain was never targeted at my objects of affections at all i like to walk around the mall see a cutie with a skirt on and she sees me looking at her tells her grandmother to leave her there because this place looks fun as she smiles at me there comes abu my friend who judges me and judges you and as i stare at her i can tell she wants me too probably more emotionally mature than my mom and a virgin with her skirt on and its workun but i have the confidence of a plastic bag floating in the wind shes cheesing while i hide behind her even though shes 4 11 and im 6 4 and because he was there i didnt pass because i dont cross paths but even thinking about having a girlfriend makes him mad. if shes too young for me i would have figured that out but it doesnt help that no matter how young or how old even the weather lady im told shes not right for me so will you make up your mind please can someone define maturity because apparently there is a reverse correlation between it and age and socrates was no sage im not really impressed that he drank poison similarly i smoke weed which takes me back to age three and birthday parties then i think about how much my life failed but only because everyone always stood in front of me. so snitch on me when i talk to you when youre in front of me at your desk and say your story about butterflies is the best begging middle and end. meawhile i havent even gotten to the first page of my legend of the sword it had a much more compliated plot which was cut off. then tell me i didnt count to tenthousand while you were listening to the teacher say the is spelled t h e and put me in a remedial reading class with a bunch of girls and address us as the girls so we can read books about a mouse who lives with his family in a house but if girls and boys are the same how can you explain i was the only one in that group to be bumped up to the advanced on by 2nd grade. i guess reading the encylopedia of animals wasnt a wase memorized their latin names bufo sativa phylobates. so by third grade i was getting so good at math that they took me out of class and had me testing material meant for 5th graders and it was really lame how can i explain all the flaws in the system to all the other people who were also ruined by it.

finally one girl who was definitely old enough for me waved at me when i looked at her and i got a boner and walked over to the ladies at the tea shop who looked at me with a disgusted look on their faces then some gangster looking dude older than i am replaces me with his hand on her shoulder.

before i was 18 i could beat up my dad and ever since then i knew not many people in my generation had much of a chance against me but i looked so thin they were not understanding. high iq causing depression have anothe smoke session even though you have athsma everyone remember to complain that i prefer to get high off one big hit i stayed in high school till i graduated but i left.

unfortunately with brain damage i could still make straight as which made me think i was ok gpa jumping above 3.68 when i only show up an agerage of 3 days.

practice your sky hook do your pushups get embaressed when an asian princess sees you do them 20 hanlaps perfect form and im not even a jock wow id better stop. next thing the girl i like is sitting on my lap in class telling me she likes me back shes sitting on my desk shes rubbing my face my life isnt gay justnsaynsomehing and youll get laid.

nah ill let some kid with adhd steal her seat and ill help him with math instead because i didnt tell her this but im alread braindead. my soul probably died with my pet lizard or my kitten perhaps it was internet addiction. 

what makes you think youll be make it as a porn star? you know im hot. well maybe i just didnt want you to act like a slut. i still remember the blonde who waves at me and smiled my freshman year it was clear that the world was my oyster the only problem was i couldn make my own choices.

i wanted to be an actor but i was so good at acting nobody got it. was so good at debating everyone liked to argue. was so succinct couldnt get the last word. so fast nobody would pass me the ball so dominant in wrestling i had to pretend i couldnt win just to have a friend.

pretty much i feel like the last cro magonon stuck on an island without charlotte saisselin bounce baby bounce three story house you look so cute in a blouse. hey look theres charlottes stalker i think il wave my arms around.

bounce baby is a reference to eigth grade i was watching a 100 meter race and then some black guy said that she never raced again. weed turned her from a goth into a wigger and after that i figured id become one too but it wasnt till 2009 i started to dress like you. what happened was i got some clothes from olympia sports to wear as warmups on the basketball court and to work as a salesman i shaved my head smiled knowing i was dead but still i couldnt even say i wanted to kiss  girl without that not being cool enough for my nephew and her bowl broke too

it fell from her car on the pavement and she said that he didnt even get to hit it.

so now im living in my dads room on the floor and finally my back isnt sore i have a well paying job im away from mom i have iron lungs and dad still doesnt approve because now i play too much basketball.

hi im interested in going to california. i meant connecticut but califonia will do since its warm there. sure steve come on out west but read the fine print your 20s are dead.

prove you wrong shame on me. dont prove you wrong brag proudly. stay out west and let your dad die. watch him act like an asshole at home back east one more time. your reward for having surived on the street for years as a middle clas kid

your friend says he thought you were dead. by the way he has this girlfriend in connectiut. oh you were the one who set him up with her? theres a whole website or three centered around her? 

better get you to spend your money on heroin and make you seem like a jerk in front of my dad. my excuse is im skitzophrenic.

all because my dad shamed me for growing up even crazier than him. thats why i called up my friend and asked him to date my girlfriend. 

there must have been something in those amphetamines which made me keep stopping at her house. i found them up on the shelf years after i tried to spill them out.

it was the first time an adult had ever called me immature. he also said my handwriting was bad and i needed a cure. talking to him i began to get red where even to begin? i have a lot of prblems at home and this isnt fair. see my dad camps in the yard and gets drunk watches us through windows andmy sister punches me in the head. mom pretty much works till shes in bed.

every day she watches the same soap opera and oprah which i record for her on tape. my sisters friends call me gay so i go over and play with the kids from the other neighorhood all day. 

one of them listens to a lot of eminem. his favorite song is if you dont like it you can suck my dick. hes in reform school and proud to be off his meds. when i talk about biking down a steep hill and blending into traffic he thinks i meannliterall blend in.

two gay twin brothers end of the road honor roll kids. play baseball and have alcoholic parents. hey ill tell the girl steve likes he likes her then she will never talk to him again. accept his chalenge to a fight and he will bang my head into a tree which is the same thing i did to another kid who tried to jump me but got sperated from his friends. 

refuse to dance with the only girl in middle school who has hips. make fun of the girls intelligence who sits next to you in math and has giant tits. refuse to eat candy off the first girls tounge then your science teacher who pushed pills on you flips on the tv its 911

stare at a girl all day and say you dont like her. girls think youre gay if you have a boner. telll me a calculator doesnt mattrer for a test but i do worse without one. make a flag pencil it isnt cool enough for the other kids.

sit with the retarded kids timmy and jimmy. watch nick all night fresh prince and bill cosby.

your sister wont stop torturing you so hold her at knife point. buy knives at school try to resell them and for the first time ever the kids you sold them to ge caught witth knives.

stay in the program with three teachers who gave up on you. one leaves to become a dean suddenly your grades go up. kids are jealous because you dont do homework. girls smile at you knowing that your test scores are high despite that.

throw shotput as far as a high school kid without any exercise or practice. run around the track dozens of times in pants you still arent good enough yet.

go to an alternative program reluctantly in high school its sort of like jail. everyone smells like cigarettes the air is stale. this isnt good for you but we will make you think if you leave you will fail.

[nialler-imagines21]

So Long - Niall Imagine

Hey guys! I think I am finally back with my writing! Niall performed his first concert of the Flicker world tour last night and he sang a song which didn’t make it on the album. I am so in love with this song and honestly it deserved better. I will link the performance here, for you to watch, anyway the song inspired this imagine, hope you enjoy xx

You and Niall used to date when you were younger, 17 to be exact. When you first met he just turned 18. Both of you had the best time, sometimes you guys struggled a little when Niall was touring constantly but he was worth the wait. You guys were in love, you couldn’t imagine living without each other and soon you guys hit your 1 year  anniversary. During the whole time you were struggling with some problems at home, which caused some mental health issues but Niall was worth the fight, you wanted to be happy for him and you were with him. Sometimes it got really rough because timezones didn’t make it possible to contact Niall when you needed him but you tried to manage it on your own, which you sadly failed. 

After a year and a half you felt like your problems killed the butterflies in your stomach and everything became such a routine. You felt like you were falling out of love because of all the pain your problems were causing you. It wasn’t fair, Niall tried his best to make you guys work. He somtimes didn’t sleep a whole night just to be there for you and you? You felt like you were slipping away.

Nowadays this was a few years ago, Niall and you eventually broke up and you could tell, it hurt him, a lot. Your were the first one who showed him what it really meant to be in love and it destroyed him to let go of you. 3 whole years you haven’t talked to him. And now that you were grown up yourself and had your own stable life, you missed him. The small cute things he did for you like sending you some flowers randomly or chocolate when you were feeling horrible. By now One Direction seperated and Niall had his own album. You were incredibly proud of him but you could tell that many of the songs were about you. You realized in how much pain he actually was in back then. And you felt so guilty for it, he didn’t deserve to be in so much pain just because you were struggling. He deserved to be loved, by you. 

And then a drunk mistake developed into something incredible. On new years eve you were pretty drunk because you were partying with friends. When it hit midnight you called all your loved ones to wish them a happy new year and before you knew it you called Nialls old number, hoping he wouldn’t have changed it, he didn’t because your call was going through. 

“Hello?” You missed his voice and wow he sounded older but the voice you haven’t heard in years made your heart melt. “Hello?” He obviously deleted your number because he had no idea who was on the phone. 

“Happy new year Niall” 

“Y/N?” he sounded confused. 

“Yep, hi. I don’t really know why I called, maybe I missed you I don’t know, maybe I tried to  call someone else or I don’t know what I am doing in general” he probably could tell that you had a few drinks too much. 

“Are you drunk?” 

“Noooooooo. I need to go, I don’t know where but I have to”

“Y/N? Please stay on the phone until you sobered up a little bit so I know that you are safe.”

Since that night you guys talked every day and became really good friends again. You could feel all your old feelings coming back, the butterflies which died years ago were coming back to life. You haven’t met since the call but you planned on doing so in the next few days, you were scared, scared about developing feelings again, he might not return anymore. 

“Y/N?” you were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t realize Niall standing in front of you. You sat on a bench in hyde park because it was quite a neutral place to meet at. 

“Oh hey” You said, stood up and hugged him, Niall quickly wrapped his arms around you and gosh you missed the feeling of you being in his arms. Your stomach was going crazy which proved that you didn’t fell out of love all these years ago, your thoughts just were consumed by all the hard times in your life. That day you talked until the middle of the night and wow you missed him more than anything. 

The next few weeks Niall was reharsing for his upcoming world tour and you were hanging out with him, listening to him playing his new songs live and to be honest, you felt more than a friend kind of love, you fell for him all over again but you couldn’t tell if his feelings came back again, you were too scared to talk to him about this, if he would tell you that he didn’t feel the same, it would break your heart as much as you broke his years ago. 

“Are you coming to the show tomorrow?” Niall asked you out of the blue.

“Yeah, sure I don’t have any plans” you smiled at him.

Then almost 24 hours later you were standing backstage with Niall listening to the first few seconds of On The Loose and thousands of screaming girls, waiting for him to walk on stage and then he did which made the screaming of the girls increase. You loved every second of the concert, you were so in love and so proud of him. Half way through the set he announced that he would play a song which didn’t make it on the record because he shortly wrote it after but he would have loved it on the album. The fans obviously were going crazy and you were so excited to hear a song, even you haven’t heard before. Niall sat down on the piano and started the first notes of the song.

Looking back, through changes where we started from,

Don’t know about you but I knew it wasnt wrong. 

You know i kept a place for you in my mind,

I know you did the same ‘cause you’re just that kind.

So if you knew all along why did it take so long?

Knew you since we were young, so why did it take so long?

You know you make me feel loved, make me feel like I am home.

So if you knew all along why did it take so long?

Moving on, you and I, started looking back.

Now we’ve got to make up for all the wasted time.

You know I’d never let you just walk on by.

From the day that I met you, I knew you’d be mine.

Yeah, so if you knew all along, why did it take so long?

I know you since we were young, so why did it take so long?

You know you make me feel loved,

make me feel like I am home.

So if you knew all along, why did it take so long?

It just started, it just started, never sure you believed it is true.

It just started, it just started, now we know the truth.

So if you knew all along, why did it take so long?

I know you since we were young, so why did it take so long? 

You know you make me feel loved,

make me feel like I am home. 

So if you knew all along, why did it take so long?

Why did it take so long?

By the end of the song you were a sobbing mess, this song literally answered all your questions. As soon as Niall got off stage, you ran in his direction and jumped in his arms. He caught you surprisingly. 

“Don’t let me go anymore no matter whatever I do” you whispered. 

“I won’t” Niall said smiling. “You make me feel like home” 

“I am so sorry Niall” 

“Don’t be, I luckily got you back” 

[voidselfshipp]

A Match Made In...Hell?

Ok to rb

Cw:mentions of beer, intoxiaction And injury mentions.

The morning went off without a fuss, however the feeling of forgetting something was eating jerico up.

--donde esta?!(where is it?!)donde carajo esta?!(where the fuck is it?!)--Jer threw clothes around-- vica!--her black cat perks up-- you havent seen the jacket scarlett gave me right? The one with the red feathers?--The cat shakes their head and she sits on the floor knees against her chest.

" I cant Belive I lost It! Im such an idiot!"she thinks.

A sudden knock however distracted her from her thoughts, she tried to ignore it but the knocking grew louder and louder.

She opened the door with a slam--what do you wa-shes cut midsentence when she sees Hellboy holding her feather jacket.

--You forgot this at the showers coming here was giving me allergies -- ey!

Jeri hugs him tightly hiding her face on the crook of his neck he blushes--thank you so much...!

--eh...youre welcome?--his hand softly presses against her waist.

She grabs the coat and sighs looking away,ashamed-- Sorry its just that...this was the last gift one of my sisters gave me before I left, I cant lose it, it means a lot to me you know?thank you

--ah,Its nothing really--he said shrugging noticing the cloth bags she had in her hands--were you going somewhere?

She nodded--i was going to buy some stuff to make pancakes, why?

Red perks up --pancakes?Man I love those...

--I can make some for you--she said.

--No no you dont have to---

--nonesense,take It as a thank you gift form me! Anyway I should leave before the store closes, thank you again red--she kissed his cheek and Walked away.

Hellboys hand presses against the cheek she kissed and smiles Sliding down the wall to the floor with a huge dorky smile on his face and lets out a lovestruck sigh.

The intercome however interrupted his loving thoughts.

--Agent Hellboy!go to the training area inmediatly!--he sighed.

-- what a Fucking asshole...-he stood up stomping down the corridor with anger.

But what a nice surprise when he came back after a shower, and found a fresh Plate of pancakes on his bed with a note

"enjoy!

--J"

One of his cats sit on his lap as he eats.

God, his mind wasnt able to stop thinking of her,what was wrong with him?.

But the way she made him feel had no way of describing it.

She was just like him,he still however couldnt figure out how she got that coat,what was the brand,he had seen it before somewhere.

Nevertheless, that small act of kindness, had warmed up his heart.

--youve got to be kidding me!--he growled as the emergency alarm sounded off--i cant have nice shit!

Hes about to board the van when somebody stops him by the tail,he freezes and he turns around with dark red cheeks.

Jeri smiles playfully with his gun in her hand, how could he forget it?! --forgetting something red?--She said.

--Dont you ever yank me by my tail again--he snatched his gun off her hands,trying to play off the sudden blush

She stopped him again tugging at his tail, and yanking him closer-- what?what are you going to do huh? Im not scared of you

Tired,annoyed and with that warm feeling in his chest, he grabs her waist and pulls her closer-- dont try me

She starts to laugh and slaps his chest, he chuckles a bit--hey be carefull okay?

--Yeah dont worry about me--he said.

Krauss Walked by ruinning the moment--zhats vhy I am here,hurry up you two,we got things to do.

They said their goodbyes and off he went.

Jerico was on her own, in an old library of sorts.

Something flies around her suddenly with a current of air sweeping besides her.

--Another one of me...--a dragon sits infront of her, behind him his hoard of books--yet no so alike,the stench of demons dont suit you

--my family is quite the thing,didnt realize their magic would cling too me so much

--Well they do seem to miss you, but tell me what are you doing here?

--i was sent here because people know you are here, you need to leave this place

The dragon deep in thought looked around his hoard--if my Next to kin says so, then ill leave, ill show you to the exit.

As both Walked, the dragon seemed to notice something off,his eyes see through her chest, her beating heart radiated a soft Pink aura,he chuckled and nuzzled his companion--who is it then?

--Who?

--ah dont lie to me young one,I know a heart in love when I see one

She chuckled shaking her head-- hes a demon, a very nice one...though I can see the fear in his eyes when our gazes cross, hes scared of being alone, scared of people fearing him, I wish I could do something about it

As both stand in the dead of the night outside the old tattered library the dragon hovers over the ground batting his wings--well you can.

--How?

--by loving him,young one,till we meet again

The clouds hid the dragons body perfectly, as he left,uncertainty fills jericos chest sighing,cluthing the locket of her necklace tighter.

Reds mission wasnt complicated yet he had come scratched up, but all went smooth.

Of course he celebrated by having one too Many.

He slumped and tripped towards jeris quarters, thinking it was abes he knocked three times and stood there trying to not fall ass first to the ground.

The smell of cheap beer was obvious as soon as she opened the door.

--Can...can I come in?--He asked.

Normally shed shut the door on his face,but slightly curious and amused she let him in.

Hellboy fell on the bed as she closed the door and went to sit with him

--ive...ive got something to tell ya--he slurred.

With a playfull smile she raised her brows arms crossed-- oh yeah?

--yeah Man but dont tell jerico I told you this,I think shes really...really hot,not not because shes a literall dragon, shes so pretty Man...so beautiful, when she talks all I want to do is shut her up with a kiss, have..have you seen her training?, I wish shed kick my ass.. Of course though shed never be with a freak like me...-- he yawned-- but if I had one chance...id take it.., do you think she likes me?

Jerico was taken back,but nodded--she told me she thinks youre so hot too-- she sits more comfortably-- she says your sassy remarks towards krauss makes her laugh, she told me she finds your voice very relaxing, and that shed love to brush your hair

Hellboy Is impressed for a moment-- Man...i should tell her how I feel...maybe tomorrow when im less....drunk...

He then blacked out and fell asleep.

Jeri chuckled brushing a stray lock of hair off his face.

--Night..., red

[xsunflowerkid]

1-100 - for the unusual game!

1-Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

♧ spotify!!

2-is your room messy or clean?

◇ messy well if I have to be honest my room is messy and clean at the same time if that makes sense lol.

3-what color are your eyes?

♡ my eyes are light brown and I love them.

4-do you like your name? why?

♤ I hate when people call me by my full name, but I love it cause it means lilac in Bulgarian and I really like lilacs - they smell really good!

5-what is your relationship status?

♡ ??

6-describe your personality in 3 words or less.

◇ a baby, emotional, caring.

7-what color hair do you have?

♧ I'm usually a brunette, but atm my hair color is a mix between dark purple and brown.

8-what kind of car do you drive? color?

♤ I dont drive.

9-where do you shop?

♡ lots of places actually, but I dont really know the names lol

10-how would you describe your style?

◇ I dont even have a style lol, I just love clothes that are comfy.

11-favorite social media account?

♧ tumblr and Instagram.

12-what size bed do you have?

♤ I dont really know the size of it but it fits just 1 person.

13-any siblings?

♡ I have an older sister.

14-if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? Why?

◇ Spain, Russia or UK, just because I love them.

15-favorite snapchat filter?

♧ I dont have one.

16-favorite make up brand(s)?

♤ I dont really wear make up, so I dont have one.

17-how many times a week do you shower?

♤ I shower everyday and wash my hair every 3 to 4 days.

18-favorite tv show?

♤ switched at birth

19-shoe size

♤ in depends on the shoes, but anywhere between 39-41.

20-how tall are you?

♤ 166cm (5'5)

21-sandals or sneakers?

- sneakers all the time!

22-do you go to the gym?

-yeah, sometimes.

23-describe your dream date

-on the beach.

24-how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

-my money are not in my wallet rn, so none haha

25-what color socks are you wearing?

- one white and one black.

26-how many pillows do you sleep with?

- one or two.

27-do you have a job? What do you do?

-im a cashier at a grocery store.

28-how many friends do you have?

-idk I dont count them? Lmao

29-whats the worst thing you've ever done?

-i'll keep this to myself.

30-whats your favorite candle scent?

- I dont have one, they make me feel sick.

31-3 favorite boy names?

- August, Santos, Miguel.

32-3 favorite girl names?

-Mia, Lilian, Cara.

33-favorite actor?

-i dont have one.

34-favorite actress?

-chloe grace moretz

35-who is your celebrity crush?

-chloe grace moretz and Billy eilish.

36-favorite movie?

- lost and delirious.

37- do you read a lot? What's your favorite book?

- yes and the book thief.

38- money or brains?

-brains!! I dont care about the money.

39-do you have a nickname? What is it?

- уиуи(idk how it's spelled in English lol) and Lil.

40-how many times have you been to the hospital?

-lots of times. Let's say it's more than 20 haha

41-top 10 favorite songs?

1. Halsey- nightmare

2. Skillet -hero

3. Skillet - monster

4. Skillet - Feel invincible

5. Hayley kiyoko- what I need

6. Panic! At the disco - hey look ma I made it.

7. Gabbie hanna - butterflies

8. Gabbie hanna - pillow case

9. Gabbie hanna - perfect day (a True story)

10. Gabbie hanna - Medicate/broken girls.

42-Do you take any medication daily?

- yes I do.

43-whats your skin type? (Oily,dry,etc)

-oily

44-what is your biggest fear?

-dark, rejection, death, ghosts.

45-how many kids do you want?

-2or 3

46- what's your go to hair style?

- dont really have one, depends on my mood and how lazy I am haah

47- what type of house do you live in? (Big,small,etc)

-i live in an apartment.

48-who is your role model?

-my mom and gabbie hanna

49-what was the last compliment you recieved?

-umm I think it was that I'm beautiful, idk.

50-what was the last text you sent?

-"Happy birthday you old bitch. Thank you for everything you've done for me, I'm so lucky to have you as my bestie, don't forget that I'm always with you, right by your side, and don't you dare finding a new bestie in Germany. Wish you all the best and ilysfm ❤❤❤🍰🍰🎂🎂🎂🍰🎂🍰"

51-how old were you when you found out Santa wasnt real?

- I was pretty young I think - somewhere between 6-8 years old - I recognized my grandmother's handwriting on one of the gifts haha.

52-what is your dream car?

- range rover.

53-opinion on smoking

(Ghh I'm getting tired of answering those questions haha)

it's bad, dont do it kids (I smoke, but still)

54-do you go to college?

-nope I dont.

55-what is your dream job?

- a writer or a photographer.

56-do you rather live in a rural areas or the suburbs?

-maybe a rural area idk.

57-do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

-ive done it just once, haha.

58- do you have freckles?

-yess, really small one around and on my nose, but I want more.

59-do you smile in pictures?

-yes, even tho I hate my smile.

60-how many pictures do you have on your phone?

-3780.

61-have you ever peed in the woods?

-mhm.

62.do you still watch cartoons?

-yes I do and I love them.

63-Do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy's or McDonalds?

-ive never tried chicken nuggets+we dont have wendy's in Bulgaria.

64-favorite dipping sauce?

- ketchup.

65-what do you wear to bed?

- a tshirt or just my underwear.

66-have you ever won a spelling bee?

-whats that??

67-what are your hobbies?

- writing, reading and taking pictures.

68- can you draw?

(I'm already bored and I have to finish cleaning my room ooof)

no-no, I can't.

69-do you play instruments?

-nope.

70. What was the last concert you saw?

-i dont really remember tbh.

71-tea or coffee?

-coffee of course!!!

72- Starbucks or dunkin donuts?

-never been to dunkin donuts if we even have them in bulgaria and I dont like Starbucks soooo...

73- do you want to get married?

-yes.

74-what is your crush's first and last initial?

- 🤫🤫🤫

75-are you going to change your last name when you get married?

-im not sure cause I love my last name!!

76-what color looks best on you?

-black? Idk.

77-do you miss anyone rn?

-yes I do.

78- do you sleep with your door open or closed?

-closed.

79. Do you believe in ghosts?

- yeah and I'm afraid of them.

80-what is your biggest pet peeve?

-loud chewing

-people who chew gum loudly.

-people who talk on loudly on the phone.

-noisy eaters.

-tapping, clicking oens.

And a lot more

81-last person you called?

-my mom.

82-favorite ice cream flavor?

- chocolate.

83-regular oreos or golden oreos?

-regular.

84- chocolate or rainbow sprinkles.

- I hate sprinkles.

85- what shirt are you wearing?

- a crop top t-shirt

86- what is your phone background?

87-are you outgoing or shy?

-shy asf.

88-do you like when people play with your hair?

-i absolutely love it!!!

89-do you like your neighbors?

-i like some of them and hate some of them.

90-do you wash your face? At night? In the morning?

- and night and in the morning

91-have you ever been high?

-yes, a few times.

92-have you ever been drunk?

-yup, I have.

93-last think you are?

- chocolate.

94- favorite lyrics right now?

- "You like broken girls because they make you feel put together.Broken girls, rip it open then you'll kiss it better"

95-summer or winter?

-spring and autumn haha

96-day or night?

-night.

97-dark, milk or white chocolate?

-dark and milk.

98-favorite month?

- August 🥰😍

99-what is your zodiac sign?

- pisces.

100- who was the last person you cried in front of?

- I think it was my aunt.