#i wish i knew how to drive
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i must protect my baby at all costs
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#selfie bee#good evening friends!! how are you doing! C:#I'm very very sleepy I got a new ikea office chair and I build it all myself#I think it went okay! I don't think I pulled the back screw tight enough and now the back is a bit loose#I can probably fix it but I can also ignore it for the next 18 years#thats how long the old chair held up!! in germany it could now drink vodka and drive a car!!#not at the same time that is illegal! not at the same time!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*#but the day is not over yet my uncle asked me for a big art quest and I do not want to disappoint#he wants a muppet tattoo and asked me to draw it#my uncle has started to get tattoos a few months ago#as far as I know he has now gotten 3 note clefs 3 stars a flower and multiple birds#he also started getting piercings but so far I managed not to know exactly where#I think tattoos are super cool (´｡･v･｡｀) I wish I had a good idea for a tattoo but the last time I was very sure about getting a tattoo#it was heath ledgers face as the joker#at that point I was 12 and would not see the actual movie for two more years#a muppet tattoo is a way better idea!! he asked for the count van count! that is also one of my top 3 muppets ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡#I always thought I knew a lot about muppet lore but since I started looking up muppet pictures I think there are still a lot of secrets#can the muppets from the Sesame Street actually leave the Sesame Street?#I think Kermit is both on the Muppet Show and on Sesame Street but he is also like the boss muppet#he might have special abilities#I hope you're having a good day friends!! C:#I think I'll post a Sherlock comic later this week#miss you!! ♥♥♥
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my mind is a beautiful place full of love | last post :)
#in order of appearance:#mitch marner#jamie drysdale#trevor zegras#quinn hughes#connor mcdavid#leon draisaitl#sam bennett#matthew tkachuk#matt rempe#jack eichel#jake oettinger#devin cooley#nhl#aaannddd as per usual here:#drygras#mcdrai#whatever the fuck jack and connor are called#mattdrai#hockey textposts#shouldve def been tagging that before for muting purposes oops apologies hkyblr#kiers.txt#its so funny how long these take me. i consider every one so heavily. ive had the bamboo posts saved for so long for this#i dont even give a shit about trevor zegras man. i just knew what i had to do#ANYWAY! PLAYOFFS START DAY! WHOOOO UP!#wish i could get high in honor. sadly i live in a nightmare#i could elaborate about the fucked up driving posts i will keep giving leon. but i don't think i will#context is for me. And my wonderful mind
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if chibnall was the one writing this season you lot would be talking VERY differently
#anti rtd#oomfs ur so right#s14 is the kinda mid that people think his era was#and yet#you throw in that razzle dazzle written by rtd and all of a sudden there's no criticisms!#or worse somehow#is how its a polite and gentle reframing of chibs criticism#like with him it was hey he ate this singular one thing But I KNOW CHIBS IS BAD HE'S TERRIBLE DONT WORRY I KNOW IT#and with rtd its oh i disliked this nonsensical and objectively bad writing but ummm guys i lOVED LOVED everything else i swear#its soooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO#it must be studied#but i knew yous were a lost cause when we had 14/15 running around calling men hot bc yes totally something the doctor just does#not ooc at allllll#bc this is how we know the doctor is queer now guys#dont you know it#i have like a million other complaints i miss being like oh hey that was mid/bad and moved on with my life 😭😭#god i think 13 era killed me bc now i do care about u hypocritical losers#rip 15ruby i wish i cared and that you had any development#ncuti millie i would like to hang out with you though#15 maybe you'll cry less next season so that the emotional scenes have impact perhaps 🙏🏾🙏🏾#ramblings of an insomniac#god i just remembered the whole real mum antics#fuck i need to go i gotta go!!!!#ps the ncuti conundrum where he's the most charismatic dr in nuwho whilst also being the worst actor is driving me nuts#idk if its the characterisation or his lack of ability in creating that inner psychology that connective tissue between his louder acting#which he's great at btw!#idk maybe that one monologue in boom made me go yes okay here we goooo#but then every other moment has been like hmmmnnnmtgodhd okay whateve#i think he needed more acting prep before he got this role bc he's got Something he could be Great but the subtle stuff is lacking#sooo hoping he can grow into that but it's giving perfect actor wrong time.... and if ur white ur not allowed to agree with me shush go away
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it’s funny how things have gone full circle with malenia. she was so hated when the game first came out, but then people grew to like her. then the dlc came out and now people hate her again lmao
#i mean it’s hardly surprising given what we now know#she did all that awful shit and wasn’t even charmed#like i see people talk about how stupid miquella is because of this plan to essentially trap radahn#but that also makes malenia look stupid af too#‘go to caelid and kill radahn so i can marry him’ ans she was like sure#miquella wanted the one guy in the lands between who loves war and fighting to be his consort for his age of peace and compassion…#what a genius he is.#makes me wonder why he even needs some heavy weight to keep order for him when he can just charm people into submission#was radahn just there as a ceremonial position?#oh wait i forgot miquella thinks he’s super kind so that’s why he wants him#miq learnt about the gravity magic horse thing and swooned#honestly still can’t get over how incredibly stupid the twins look after the dlc#i think people like to imagine malenia was charmed just because it makes it all look slightly better on her part#like they are just making excuses for her#but holy shit the fact she was all but willing to fucking die so miquella could bag radahn..#what a thing to die for lmao#and he was apparently present after the battle? but didn’t do anything to help either radahn nor malenia?#instead he was helping a random redmane?#he obviously knew malenia had bloomed but ultimately didn’t care i guess#kind of like ‘oh well if she’s still alive when I get back i’ll deal with it then’#honestly wish miquella had just died in that cocoon at this point#tbh he doesn’t really do much in the dlc anyway they could have made it more about messmer and marika#hell bring melina into it please that would have been more interesting at this point#we didn’t need the dubcon incest plot micheal you could have left that one in the drafts#i gotta get this out of my head it’s driving me nuts#seriously need to move on from this game for my own sanity
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i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court
#im joking#i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture#and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet???#its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure#i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^#i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th#story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel#like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty#so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then#i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why#idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens#but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes#smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can#be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn#yapping#oc talk
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i might just be slow, but why would you have to evacuate?
Stay safe, though!
That’s because last year, during the summer, there was a forest fire so bad that my town, including a few others, had to be evacuated.
I had to leave my baby behind. 🥺🥺 And this time I’ll have two babies so we’re going to have to make plans if it happens again. 🤔
#the place that watched my dog made an announcement that they won’t be here if it happens again#so that’s got me worried#I wish I had a vehicle#and that I knew how to drive
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i miss living in a city where things are close enough to walk to. i can't just go to a coffee shop and read, i have to get someone to drive me there :/ i can't stroll around a park in the afternoon to get some air because there are no real sidewalks here :/ i can't stumble upon a cool new spot because every excursion here has to be planned since things are so gd far apart ://////
#personal#i wish i knew how to drive but given my general health. not a great idea to have me behind the wheel#its so suffocating
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Honestly a lot of the time, it's not even about people having to agree with me, it's about needing to know that they actually heard and listened to what I had to say even if it didn't persuade them
Just... some basic indication that there's enough respect to give a shit about what I said, and also to make sure that they disagree because they actually disagree and not cause they just didn't bother listening
It's all I really ask
#I forgot what this was about part way through writing about it; but then I remembered it's about Ukraine#like I just need to know that you actually understand what's happening there and what people are going through#you want me to care about your thing? show me you have any any any grasp of what's going on in Ukraine#it's uh... it's too many friends where if I'm just honest... this is about them#people I adore but people where... I don't know if they ever even once listen to what I have to say#...though maybe it's better this way... at least if they just ignore me I can say they just don't understand what's going on#that they're just being fed lines by other people or don't care#...if... they... knew the shit Ukrainians go through and still didn't care... would be a lot harder to respect them#would take a certain level of callous to do that and... these are people I care about very much so#...but I don't know; eats at me... you know#...and even on less serious topics... boy I wish you'd ever listen to me#if it weren't for the fact you say you like me... I'd be pretty damn sure you can't fucking stand me and I do nothing but annoy you#...I don't know if you've... ever... listened to anything I've said on any subject#when you do; you usually correct me... even though; brilliant as you are... you're erm... not always right#I don't get it... I don't get you... every word I say seems to be wrong... I'm so stupid and you're so smart#and yet you get real upset when I want to die... so you must actually like me and our communication styles don't match up#thank god you never seem to read my tags... or... much of anything else I say#truthfully I'd follow you anywhere; and you can treat me any way you want#but man I don't think my thoughts or opinions matter to you even a little... I think I just exist to be your rubber duck#...that's how it feels anyway#but all that aside... just wish you'd listen to me on Ukraine cause it actually matters#this post started out about some other people too... and sure... I like them well enough; and they're maddeningly wrong#like sputnik levels or wrong#drives me nuts; like you're not stupid and you're not cruel so why do you act so stupid and cruel?... turn you brain on#but uh... I actually just don't care about them that much#where as you... I could put it into words... but I won't#it's just a shame... like forget any of the stuff about me; it's just you're so kind... wish you'd care about what's going on in Ukraine#...I gotta stop or I'll go on all night; and I'm already too tired#mm tag so i can find things later
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i took my car to get fixed and was told what was wrong was $400 they had it for 5 days before it was ready and then i picked it up paid for it and within 3 days the same dangerous issue is happening and my check engine light is back on i was all excited to get off work early today it was totally fine driving to work and then on my way back its back to jerking super bad on acceleration and having a hard time going forward like i’m in tears rn dude
#i had put it off for awhile to begin with but wasnt driving it and i finally felt financially ready to do it#i was relieved it wasnt super expensive or the transmission and just glad i finally got over my anxiety of taking it#i told them how dangerous it felt and how i was pregnant and it was scary and ive taken my car to the same place before#i wish i knew something about cars man :(#idk if i should take it back there and be all confrontational or take it somewhere else
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#I did get to talk to a crisis counselor for an hour and it was more helpful than other hotlines I’ve used#what I rly need is for the structural issues to be solved n no counselor can do that. I face that on the other end of it as a social worker#and the interaction did feel v much like they were following a set of steps. but they personalized it enough to feel supportive#they validated me in ways I never rly get and I’m always saying I wish someone would just believe me n recognize what I go thru#we also talked abt how I’m like tired of always having to solve huge problems but that’s also smth im best at#like it sucks to have to handle all this but I’m good at handling it bc I have to be#the words they used were ‘drive’ and ‘independence’ which like lowkey meant the world even tho they don’t know me#n I told the person that. idk it didn’t make me feel better abt the situation but it made me feel better in that someone acknowledged it#n that I was even able to get a hold of someone competent n compassionate#it takes away that feeling of ‘and on top of it all I can’t seek help + a hotline will feel pointless’#idk. I may delete this and/or a bunch of my venting from today#not even as a shame thing but just. I need to be able to be honest Somewhere without being reminded of it too much after I’ve processed it#man it’s just like. it always feels condescending trying to help clients w Coping Strategies when what they need is money#and it’s like. if they only knew we have the same problem ourselves. would they trust us more or less#mine#txt#personal
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unfortunately the problem wasn't coolant but also i do NOT want to take my car back to the mechanic and pay to fix that issue while i am actively looking to replace the car. so. hopefully it doesn't die on me.
#driving a car with both transmission AND engine issues 👍#i wish i knew how to do shit on my OWNNNNN UGHHHH#but i'm too much of an anxious idiot and i am too scared to buy a car alone :((((((((#OUGH#but yeah i need a car.... SOON...........#sighhhh#shh ac
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Not to sound emotionally damagee, but my first ex did literally cheat on me 4 times to get back at me for trying to have a conversation with him in order to set up boundaries with our polyamory. N later left me for a guy he was seeing on the side (but the guy didn't want him lol)
#it has actually made my self esteem and trust tank so much#idk if i can handle another relationship#i tried to be so patient with him. to try to meet him where I was amd rather than talk to me#hed just text the guy he was cheating on me with n tell them.#n then that guy woul text me n tell me to kill myself for treating my bf that way#.... ways my bf refused to tell me#he'd literally lie to my face that it was okay#every time i checked on him#every time I tried to just trust n believe him hed be hiding something from me#n get mad that the things he never mentioned were problems kept happening#n of course if i mentioned this was bullshit n we need some level of trust n communication#hed run out on me. drive away. n cheat again#he was my first boyfriend#i dated him all through college bc I thought he was the one#n he dumped me 3 weeks after my dad died n the day after he met the person who raped me when i was a kid :-(#i just#I thought i could make it work#i just wish i knew what went wrong#he keeps saying he'll talk to me soon about it#but then he keeps blocking me or telling me how he now has a new boyfriend#want enough closure so i can trust myself again#or at least so i dont keep hating myself#but i guess thats just hopeless to want
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Nope, I'm still crying
#i wish literally anybody from school remembered me#literally only 2 people i was friends with hace talked to me in the past four years#i had the realization tonight that i was never given the choice to nurture most of my friendships#everytime i tried outside of school hours including trying to join clubs my mom would make me leave halfway through then lecture me#that she didn't have time to drive to town and get me#but as soon as my brother wanted to join junior air force she suddenly had all the time and energy in the world to devote to that#so what I'm getting here is that my friendships and interests weren't important enough or worth her time#i wasn't interested in Junior air force 1 cause it wasn't offered to me and 2 I'm not a boit licker#no#i was interested in the video game and board game clubs cause my friends were in them and they WANTED me to join#but after not getting to stay for more than one full session after a month i left the board game club cause it wasn't fair to the others#and i only went to the video game clu once and i don't remember much of it cause i was too anxious that she was gonna flip on me#i kept waiting for her text but instead she showed up at the classroom and made me leave#so when the same teacher that ran the board game club asked if i wanted to join the chess club cause he knew i liked chess#i told him i couldn't cause i was too busy because i didn't want to deal with begging my mom to let me join#she would have said yes but would have continued not letting me stay and being super passive aggressive#I'm not even in the year book for the year my friends graduated#the one thing she did let me do was drama and i hated every second of it. it was genuinely a bad experience for me#yeah i had friends in drama but it's not the same as hanging with my nerdy guy friends playing a star wars ttrpg#the worst part is she gets so defensive when i bring it up and won't give me a reason outside of 'I guess I'm just the worst parent'#it's in those moments i really remember she's the youngest in her family#OH!! it gets worse! she told me when i was younger that she had to be an honorary cheer leader cause HER MOM absolutely refused to#let her join cheer and she's alsways been bitter about it but then she turns around and did basically the same thing to me ffs#at least she was allowed to hang out with people after-school i wasn't allowed to do that either#no. instead i spent the hours after shcool alone most days and my weekends home alone in my room. and she wonders why my social skills are#maybe if I'd been allowed to work on my relationships outside of a classroom i wouldn't have felt so abandoned when everyone i knew#graduated without me. maybe if i didn't have to start back at square one socially again and had people to text and hang with after class#i wouldn't have dropped out. and i think only atlas knows i dropped out. idk how to text these people without spunding like I'm looking for#sympathy when they ask what I'm up to. like yeah I'm stuck at home with an anxiety disorder and unemployed trying to get on disability#prisma vents
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