#i wish i had the actual prowess and skill to make this more realistic but alas

[couthbbg]

I think we all know what the M stands for 😏

[venusxstars]

𝐋𝐔𝐕 𝐌𝐄! 𝐋𝐔𝐕 𝐌𝐄! ⸻ sfw.

blue lock boys having a crush on you

( nagi seishiro & mikage reo )

keynotes ⸻ crush head-canons. fluff.

venus' note ⸻ this is how i think the blue lock boys would be like having a crush. i made it as realistic as possible based on their canon personalities.

nagi seishiro

based on nagi's personality and way of thinking, i think that even he himself wouldn't notice that he had actually started liking someone.

he just finds himself looking at you whenever you're around, just wordlessly and openly staring with that expressionless look. but on the other hand, his mind is in a slight buzz. he's wondering to himself as to why he was looking at you.

sometimes when he'd be playing games, his thoughts would suddenly just lead back to you. the way you looked today, or the way you acted, or the way you spoke and what you said. he'd think about that and he's suddenly groaning to himself about how it's so annoying that you're in his head. ( then he's silently groaning again when he realizes that he's died in the game he's playing )

he consults reo about this and his friend makes him realize that he likes you. and with this realization, thoughts of you become even more rampant and he wishes that he never even realized it in the first place. it's troublesome and it seems insincere if he's suddenly doing something so out of the ordinary for him.

after thinking about it so much, it gets troublesome for him to the point that he just talks to you out of nowhere and so randomly just to try and settle down his thoughts. he tries to be casual.

it's awkward between the two of you if you're introverted but he makes the effort to ask questions because he wants to get you out of his head as soon as possible. this plan back-fires when he thinks about the conversation between the two of you even after days have past since the event took place. he's also subconsciously berating himself for having zero social skills to lead the conversation and thought that the way he went about it was cringey.

if you're extroverted, he finds himself listening to whatever you have to say. his mind strangely doesn't drift off or his eyes don't droop sleepily unlike when he's listening to other people talk. he doesn't ask much questions; just a quiet "mhm" or "and then?" from time to time to let you know that he's listening. doesn't laugh or likely wouldn't understand if you made a joke, so it gets awkward. ( but days after, as he realizes that you actually made a joke, he's subconsciously berating himself for being slow and "cringey" )

he'd ask for advice from reo, but he probably wouldn't even try to do whatever reo told him to do. he's simulating the techniques that reo told him and he thinks that it'd be cringey for him to do. he can't even imagine himself flirting without wrinkling his face in disgust.

he'd probably confess to you out of nowhere. when he thinks that his mind's going to burst from thinking of you, you'll find him suddenly blurting out that he likes you. you could be entering the washroom that time, or drinking water, or opening the door. then he'll tell you that it was troublesome to try and keep it hidden while also trying to get close with you.

he sucks at dealing with feelings, but hey, it's part of his charm.

mikage reo

he's a confident guy. he's aware of the things that he has—money, power, academic prowess, and interpersonal skills—and he's not afraid to use it especially getting his crush to like him back.

based on his personality, i think that when he likes someone, he'd view it as some sort of challenge. he's making it his goal to make you fall for him just as much as he's fallen for you. he's using his money to buy you gifts that he knows you like. he's sweet-talking you; praising you even for the smallest achievements.

i wouldn't say that he thinks about you so much. he's much more emotionally-intelligent compared to nagi, so i'd say that you wouldn't be the center of his world. he likes you a lot, but he also pays attention to his own goals as well. he knows how to manage the thoughts of having a crush, basically.

if you're introverted, he'd be more careful in approaching you. he's making sure to take the lead in conversations if you don't know what to say. he cracks jokes here and there to get you to relax and he's bringing up topics that he knows you have an interest in.

if you're extroverted, he's going along with your vibe since he's quite extroverted himself. he listens to whatever stories you have to say and he's adding comments here and there based on what you're telling him.

i bet he talks about his crush on you to nagi. nagi's just humming mindlessly here and there, pretending to listen to reo while he's playing games, while reo's telling him about the conversation he had with you earlier in complete detail.

he has a plan for making you fall for him and it's pretty simple: be your special friend that you can rely on even with the toughest things. relationships thrive in trust and reo abides by this, so he firstly would want to be your closest friend more than anything.

once you're friends, he would flirt with you sometimes. he'd notice even the slightest shifts in styles that you have and he's complimenting you for it. he's basically sending you subtle romantic signals that he thinks will have your heart and head in a buzz.

he'd probably consult romance books. he'd nitpick at the scenes that he thinks are subtle and romantic enough but also not cringey. he'd be placing emphasis on pulling you towards the safer side of the sidewalk, or he's holding your arm when you're crossing the street together, or he's placing his palm on the edge of the table in case you're picking up something on the floor that you dropped.

he's very careful about when he'll be confessing. once he sees concrete signs of you liking him back, then that's the time he'd be confessing.

ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* hi, darlings! any requests on who i should do next?

[cantgetworsethanthistbh]

Can you give us some Ford x Pacifica headcanons?

God anon im so sorry this took forever and i hope youre still lurking on my blog because YES I CAN HOLY SHIT THANK YOU FOR LETRING ME INDULGE

pacifica is into ford because shes into smart badass nerds the way dipper was when they worked together and ford is basically all that BUT MORE. more experience, more skills, more physical prowess and like she said. is super hot lmfao

ford and pacifica meet that day when they got into the whole face stealer thing— ford appreciates that she covered herself in garbage knowing it was an effective disguise among the creatures in the black market. AND that she actually pulled off fooling them before dipper blew it. pacifica is like, instantly flustered and a blushing mess

both of them expected she would be super disgusted when she shakes his hand and sees the six fingers— ford never got over the way cathy crenshaw freaked out over his hands and well, pacificas a judgmental bitch— but honestly seeing how tiny her dainty princess hand was in his gigantic and calloused palm was sort of an awakening for pacifica for size differences. ford is already a creep via dipfording and is also mega into it, but actually manages to be normal about it in the moment

when pacifica works at the diner and the stan twins make their way there, pacifica ALWAYS wants to get ford order and has a pretty obvious hopeless crush and throws in some WAY too nice compliments about his dumb research, but ford has waitress trauma so he doesnt realize it lmfao stan does tho and just rolls his eyes all the time and is

adding my d*pcifica bias here but also cuz its the most realistic way the main two are gonna get it on: i LOVE the idea of pacifica knowing dipper has a weird intense crusb on his uncle while theyre dating and is like okay but can i get in on that. dipper is like ?????? and pacifica is like oh come on in not STUPID dipper, if you want to fuck your uncle at least let me join (because she wont admit she wants to be in on that too) its not like i care your family is already super fucking weird and im still here. also hes super hot so

ford would more or less agree for dippers sake more than not but like, he would get to live out SO much of his pent up frustration about girls from his adoloscence on pacifica that, he def had gotten rough with her in the middle. dipper thought it was super fucking hot and wishes ford didnt see himself in dipper so much so hed treat him like that too sometimes fr fr

honestly the northwest family is not a good family, so pacifica adjusts to this dynamic way too well. which is concerning. yet fascinating for ford. he wants to psychoanalyze pacifica like hes some kind of psychologist ignoring the fact hes not at all qualified for it because he has 12 phds so he can do that anyway

ALSO abbigail northwest being a former inventor would mean ford would def be interested in more of her family history— its just FAR too fascinating to not touch

[a-goumang-ripoff]

Confusion, Uncertainty, and Bafflement: A Rant About Goumang

So I've decided to move on to my next rant and thought that I might as well get my namesake out of the way. Funny enough, Goumang is only my favorite sol because she is such a weird character to think about, none of the sols can get my voice nearly as loud in a rant as Goumang does. She confuses me to no end, and I think that confusion is the most interesting part of the entire game for me to think about. Also, her design is so fucking cool, I love Nine Sols' character designs so much but to literally make this cat person into a harpy via genetic modification and prosthetics is such a badass idea, I wish I thought of it myself tbh.

So, to start off this rant: Goumang's position within Nine Sols. She is intended to be the second boss you face in the game, though can be the third (which I heavily recommend, I hate that fight without air dash) and I believe can be the first boss, but I am unsure about that. She is an early-game threat which we learn quite a lot about in her area, and the game holds back nothing by this point giving her what I would argue to be the most disturbing and gruesome end in the entire game, which almost none of the other sols can compare to. I do believe her status as Eigong's other student was stated in her area, but it was something that was lost on me as I wasn't sure what the game meant, I assumed she was one of several and they just happened to be at odds. However there are little features around the game which really paints her to be Yi's rival.

Beyond being Eigong's other student, she also has a passionate hatred for Yi which is far more intense than any hatred the other sols have with one another, and Yi clearly shares this hatred with how he decides to end her, though he keeps himself level-headed in her presence otherwise it seems. She talks to us about the plan she had if she was chosen over Yi, the way she acts in the holograms at the end of the game is painfully antagonistic, and even that picture Eigong has by her eternal sanctum of the two of them together. It weirdly feels like the game is trying to build her up as Yi's rival, but we know Eigong is the true rival fight in the game, not to mention Goumang is dispatched within the first half of the game. I have to ask why the game pushes this so hard. I understand she is realistically physically weak and lacks combat prowess; as Jiequan says, she's just a farmer. But I think I would have preferred her place in the game to get moved up and to treat her more like Yi's rival. It doesn't feel unrealistic for her to learn the same martial arts Yi did at Eigong's recommendation; if anything, it makes more sense for Goumang to take up the idea granted her past.

Another thing which confuses me about Goumang is the mismatch between her backstory and her behavior in-game. Her backstory consists of her growing up seemingly poor in a place that is already in constant famine, then being implied to pull herself up by her bootstraps and become one of the most skilled biologists in Penglai. Her motivations are shown clear to us: she wants to end world hunger on Penglai and had the means to do it with New Kunlun's aid. The servants she has she shows to have actual compassion for (though the way she views them is very much as lesser beings which is not great) and, in the Nine Sols prequel comic, she is shown to be quite a kind person, giving a little girl food and a ride for a mistake that is hardly even hers. And yet everything we see beyond her memories shows her to not only be a jealous bitch who thinks herself better than everyone and seems to pamper herself at any opportunity, but also hold fascist/fascism-adjacent ideologies.

"Optoberries, apemen, even our fellow solarians... they all need greenhouses and incubators. Sacrificing a little freedom and yielding to your superiors is the path to a perfect society[...] The truth is, the weak fear the truth and cannot make choices for themselves."

I know that having a shitty past doesn't automatically make you not become a shitty person, but to hammer in the idea that she had an awful childhood filled with suffering and holds a variety of selfless aspects of her character only to make her act childish and needlessly bitchy just doesn't feel right, it feels like there's really something that we aren't being told. I would be happy to shrug it off as potentially seeing Yi as someone who doesn't deserve the position he got because he had much kinder beginnings than her, but between her childish behavior before the game's confrontation and the fact that she doesn't bring that up in her monologue (instead simply mentioning that she wanted to be chosen over Yi, making it jealousy rather than simple hatred) makes it just feel weird.

On a lighter point, it feels quite a bit odd that she is The Sex Character in the game, especially with how heavy they lean into that. Everything about her just feels sexual. I mean, firstly, she is the only solarian I've seen to wear literally no pants, and her legs tend to be blocking her crotch in a weirdly intentional way. Like, it'd be one thing to do that but have her not have anything between her legs, but it makes it way weirder that her crotch is being constantly blocked, it feels like it's trying to imply her pussy is just out there at all times (and no one cares, which makes it funnier). The two times you can actually see her crotch, there is shading which makes it way too harder to discern anything (yes, I looked, this was a traumatizing realization and I needed to confirm it fully). She also is clearly dominant in both an almost hierarchical sense and a sexual sense, you can literally make Yi call her out saying "you just dominate people for pleasure," and she won't even deny the pleasure part, just corrects Yi on the fact that she's "protecting" instead of dominating. How much more on the nose can you get?

Also, I'm not sure if this is just me or not but doesn't her 'death' scene have a really odd vibe about it? The fact that it's a mind control collar is bad enough, but the way Yi tilts her head up and the gasp from her that plays all makes it even weirder.

The echoes of "mama" from her servants make it only worse. Normally I'd think it's a funny coincidence that ignores sexual contexts around the word, but that quote about dominating people for pleasure makes it feel intentional. The whole thing just feels like a Guro scene and it really twisted my stomach when that got combined with my own issues over leg injuries (I can't believe there's TWO leg injury scenes in the game, not a fun time for me).

Though the weirdest part for me is that I feel like there's a much more prominent candidate for being The Sex Character, that being Nuwa. The drug club she runs genuinely feels a step away from being a sex palace, especially with all the pink imagery (and those dancers). The instrument she plays looks genuinely phallic and the way it's played, with her mouth against the tip, doesn't help. Yet I feel like they leaned away from it quite a bit compared to Goumang. Though, I suppose the incest stuff that surrounds Nuwa and Fuxi may have pushed them away from doing that. Lady Ethereal even seems to have a bit of that stuff going for her... okay I'm starting to realize most of the prominent women in this game have sexual stuff related to them.

Moving on from that startling realization, the last thing I want to talk about is some of the reasoning I've gathered on why a lot of these choices may have been made and how I think Goumang could be improved as a character. One of the major reasons why I think there's such a mismatch in backstory and personality is that I believe they started to write her character and backstory, but then determined how they wanted to use her afterwards. Her fascist ideas and the literal slaves she owns makes her especially gruesome death feel like a jab towards fascist governments and more than likely directed towards the Chinese government (see my previous rant for more context on this). Another reason that mismatch might be present, potentially in combination with the previous one, is that RedCandleGames may have realized that she was being made too good of a person to be one of the sols that are killed, so a sudden shift occurred to make her seem just as crazy and evil as the rest of the sols are.

As for her odd implications of being Yi's rival? My main theory is that it was unintentional, obviously Yi's mentor should be his actual rival, Goumang may have just been placed as her other student to give more reason for her gruesome death or as another way to put her in a more evil position, and then an unintentional rival dynamic was built from that. It also possible she may have just be intended to be a rival fight or have more presence than she does (though, the sols seem to all have a pretty equivalent presence overall). But this is just speculation pretty much.

I think there's quite a few ways to improve her character. For one, I think she could be leaned over towards a less evil standing. I feel as though Yi could have started the game off a lot more evil than he did, it feels like a major portion of his character growth occurs with his time in peach blossom village before the game starts, we don't really get to see him go from hating humans to wanting to protect them, it's an implied shift. I'll likely touch more in depth on this when I rant about Yi, but if he were to be placed in a more evil position, he would have better reason for deciding Goumang is worth killing if she is put in a better standing. Alternatively, go a little more in depth on her backstory, it feels like it's only one step away from being fully believable, if they showed us something which actively made her change ideologies or gain new ones that orient her where she is in the game, I wouldn't feel that mismatch would be as strong as it is.

Overall, I find Goumang's writing to be quite shallow, her personality in-game doesn't feel like anything unique, it feels like a character I've seen several times in the media I've consumed (ignoring the whole fascist thing). If her backstory and personality weren't so mismatched, I believe her writing would have a lot more depth to it and I would feel much less confused about her. I also feel as though she could have been utilized very well as a rival to Yi, though that is a much farther-reaching concept than the changes I've suggested for her writing.

I'll be honest I didn't think I'd talk for 3 paragraphs purely about sex, I was intending to leave it at one but it's just so weird to me that she's used that way. Not that I'm complaining, check my blog's title. More than likely I'll post a follow-up rant on this one which is more about a lot of my less serious thoughts on her, ideas I have of remaking her character and such, just fanon/headcanon bullshit.

[c-aureus]

How I think Hyrule would respond to Zelda's return, after the end of BotW.

Wall of text incoming.

TL;DR: I think they'd be very cruel.

Please remember that these are all only my interpretations and opinions, and should be treated as such.

A while ago, I made a post saying that I do not believe that Zelda or Link should be in any way 'happy' after the end of BotW. Imo, they've both lost too much for that, and I worry that the sequel will not give this grief or loss the focus it deserves.

Now, I plan to expand on that, by explaining my interpretation for how i believe Hyrule would respond to her after her return, which would only further compound their misery.

Now, I'd like to preface this by saying that I actually like BotW Zelda as a character a lot, and that I'm very sympathetic to her.

However... well.

The consequences of her failure are simply too big to ignore imo.

Firstly, as a general overview: Zelda was the ONLY person capable of stopping Ganon. Without her Divine sealing power, there was simply no way for Hyrule to survive Ganon's assault, no matter the preparations, or skill of the warriors. The best example of this is the Champions and Divine Beasts. They were all the best of the absolute best, and yet none of them were able to survive Ganon's assault, simply because they were not Divinely favoured to succeed, the way that Link and Zelda were. Even despite their incredible skill, prowess and dedication. There are other examples too, notably the fall of Hyrule's military outposts, and the annihilation of central Hyrule's civilisation and infrastructure.

To put it simply, with Zelda's power, they won. Without it, all of the preparations were for naught, and everyone would die. Zelda herself even says as much in a cutscene in AoC.

(Also, as a side note, in all of those levels in AoC where you relieve the Akkala Fortress, Great Plateau, and Hateno fort, remember that in BotW, they all fell, and the soldiers would have been slaughtered.)

So, in light of that...

The fact that Zelda only unlocked her power after it was already too late means that I don't believe that the shattered remnants of Hyrule's civilisation would be kind or sympathetic to her.

Link and Zelda were literally born by divine influence to protect Hyrule from Ganon. And, well...

Again, my point comes down to the fact that Zelda only unlocked her power after it was too late for the Champions, Link, and thousands of other Hyruleans who had either already been killed, or who would later die in the aftermath.

Now, again, I'm HIGHLY sympathetic to Zelda here. Indeed, she had lived her entire life with this Sword of Damocles hanging over her.

However. The sword fell.

And, crucially, Zelda avoided it, whilst it went on to kill literally thousands of others. They all died for Zelda's failure, whilst she herself survived.

Furthermore, those 'lucky' ones who did survive had to live in BotW Hyrule, which, if I'm being honest, is an absolute wasteland. So, so much was lost in the Calamity, the land was overrun by monsters, and even the tiny remaining pockets of civilisation suffer. I could go on for hours about how infrastructure, agriculture and trade were all annihilated, but I'll try to refrain for brevity's sake.

The long and short of it is that Hyrule is fucked.

I think my worry about this comes from BotW's post credit scene where Zelda tells Link that she thinks that if everyone works together, they can rebuild, and make Hyrule better than it was before.

And, this line really annoyed me. Because, quite simply, Hyrule has simply lost too much to rebuild. Infrastructure, agriculture, trade, population... Hyrule would be reeling for generations after Link and Zelda's death. To expect any kind of quick recovery is just... foolish beyond words.

(Another side note: I'm extremely grateful to AoC showing just how developed Hyrule is pre-Calamity. It helps give scale and scope to the devastation in BotW even more.)

So, Zelda's naive optimism here annoyed me. However, far more than that, there is another issue that this overlooks:

Namely, I cannot fathom why anyone in Hyrule would want to follow her, or would accept her as their sovereign.

Now, this is going to get extremely cruel to Zelda, and that saddens me, because I like her. This is just what I think the realistic response would be to her, given the circumstances, because people are cruel and like easy targets of blame. There are many examples of this kind of blaming behaviour in history, if anyone wants to look, lol. So apologies in advance:

BotW tells us through the memories that Zelda's reputation is AWFUL Pre-Calamity. Rhoam says that the people call her 'Heir to a Kingdom of Nothing' etc.

Now, perhaps poor parenting aside, this gives more context. Do you really believe that the 'lucky' few survivors of Central Hyrule would be kind, given that Zelda fulfilled their terrible expectations in the WORST possible manner?

No. I believe that that generation, which already disliked her, would spend the rest of their lives cursing her failure, and the death and destruction that came as a consequence. And, they would pass that down to their children and grandchildren.

This comes to another point: Zelda is (for the most part) out of living memory. The only thing Hyrule knows of her is her failure to prevent the land from being devastated. Furthermore, the 4 tribes of Hyrule might even have a decent cause to blame her for the deaths of the Champions.

(Cause and effect are tricky, but well... people are irrational. Maybe if Zelda had unlocked her power straight away, the Champions still would have died. However, perhaps they could have held on long enough for Link and Zelda to force Ganon to recall his Blights to protect himself, as he does in BotW if you attack him without liberating the Divine Beasts. Who is to say? The point is, people get hung up on these kind of 'what ifs', as I am doing right now, lol.)

I'd like to make a special mention of the Zora here, who not only have Zelda (and all of her failures and inadequacies) in living memory, but are also xenophobic towards Hylians.

We see how they blame Link in BotW, after all. I think that they would feel similarly to Zelda, who is 'technically' more deserving of blame.

From a Zora-centric perspective, Zelda may as well have stolen Mipha from them, to make her take the fall for Zelda's failures. She literally set Mipha up to die, she sacrificed Mipha on the altar of her own survival, etc.

To elaborate: Princess Zelda personally requested Mipha, the beloved Crown Princess of the Zora, to become Champion. Despite Dorephan's hesitance, he allows it. Then, Zelda fails her, and Mipha dies in the Calamity that Zelda failed to prevent, but also that Zelda manages to survive.

Like... as harsh, cruel, and unfair as this is to poor Zelda... do you think that the Domain, which is STILL mourning Mipha a century later, would just... wave that away?

Now... how much Zelda is truly to blame for the Calamity is another matter, one that I will explore in a post hopefully shorter than this one. Suffice to say, I have many opinions, and some of the conclusions are perhaps unkind to her, which only further justifies my interpretations of Hyrule's blame, and Zelda's guilt and grief.

The point is that... Hyrule would see an easy target to dump their grief on. And I I don't believe they would just let it go.

Furthermore, Zelda has no political influence anymore. She can't force anyone to listen to her, or obey her commands, since all of that was destroyed in the Calamity. Moreover, with Zelda's reputation being that of colossal failure, I doubt that anyone in Hyrule would wish to submit to her, to give her the chance to fuck everything up again.

God. I feel really horrible typing all of this out, lol. And yet, I genuinely believe that this would be the reaction to her. So, if in the sequel, everything is being rebuilt and everyone is totally happy with Zelda, well...

I'm gonna be very upset. Because, in my opinion, if all of Hyrule just forgave Zelda's failures, and ignored their disastrous consequences, that would be extremely unrealistic.

As much as this headcanon hurts, and would hurt me to see, I'd be very vindicated by it, lol.

If anyone has any opinions, feel free to let me know.

Just please keep everything civil lol. This is only a random person on the internet's opinion.

[cody-rauh]

This is the continuation of a post I made in response to a recent school assignment, which felt kinda like was the final straw in staying silent about my feelings. The assignment felt like just another class/assignment that failed to really help me be better at my Digital Marketing Degree.

What would I have done differently...

I would have started programming at a much younger age and cashed in on Silicon Valley, would have gone the route somehow of Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk. Maybe if given the choice born into a wealthier family that both had a bachelor's degree as statistically those with opportunity accrue more opportunities.

Maybe I wouldn't have graduated from high school during the recession, only to not recover 100% before the current recession driven by the pandemic. I would have bought a house during 2010 even if I couldn't afford it at the time.

Truthfully...

The odds are never in your favor if you haven't been paying attention to the trends then you aren't getting the bigger picture. The "Bank On It"assignment will not give you the competitive prowess to overcome systemic issues in our society atm regarding racism, inequality, and a group of politicians that can't/won't put aside their power struggle for the benefit of the American People.

I am a day late and a dollar short, pun intended... on playing nice, getting my degree to be a good little employee for some company that will extract value from me and cut my job at the first sign that it could cost the company a dime to keep me or won't benefit pockets of investors. Only speaking from experience here.

So what would I do differently? Not a thing.

I respect the teacher, and the effort here to make a dry topic for many much more engaging. It is a good effort to use this resource, however, I don't think it hits the mark in making the information clearly applicable or useful. I am not working to become a CPA, especially when it would be easier to hire one.

I only wish this class was formatted in a way that made sense to my degree, I don't see what/how this makes me a better digital marketer.

I just want to clarify where the post is coming from. Seriously, no qualms or issues with the instructor, no disrespect intended.

I find it frustrating that I am paying thousands upon thousands of dollars for a degree that is supposed to help me be more financially stable in life by providing more opportunities in employment.

The barrier though is artificial as a requirement, it doesn't improve me as a person or as an employee, and now we have millions upon millions of people many even with degrees who are unemployed due to a pandemic, with a forecasted economy that will take years to recover, and have a long-lasting impact.

Even more frustrating, I am only a year away from graduating with a Digital Marketing degree, and I should have learned something new, anything by now that would have helped me market my own businesses, and I haven't. Instead, I am taking filler classes like this one, while still being completely ineffective in applying marketing to help improve my situation.

What is worse is I have a 3.72 GPA so I know it isn't that I am too dumb or don't get the information. How do you have that GPA and less than a year from graduation still be so useless in the field you are supposed to have a degree in?

Isn't something wrong or broken here? How do you have such a high grade, and so ineffective at applying the skills to your own work, and if you can't market the value of yourself, how will you ever effectively market the value of some company you don't care about cause you need a job to eat and pay bills?

I just feel really upset by all of this, I will get this degree, be in huge debt, and will have gained nothing in return of tangible value.

Super upsetting to work this hard and still be losing, and dealing with filler classes when I should be taking classes that actually make me GOOD AT MARKETING.

Once again no disrespect intended towards the school or this instructor, I just feel burnt out, upset, and seriously concerned that I made such a huge mistake with this degree program, as something, I don't know what it is, isn't working, and I don't see a positive/realistic/optimistic way to salvage this situation.

What is worse is all the calling the school and expressing these concerns to different staff has really done nothing to resolve, improve the situation. I am just too tired to keep making calls and get more empty promises, more placation, and continue to be strung along with no tangible solutions.

I just feel these frustrations, and there is nowhere left to put them, and assignments like this infuriate me, as they are a harsh reminder of how screwed up everything feels at the moment.

Sorry for the rant, I just want to be good at Digital Marketing, I want to be good at what I do, I don't want to be spitting up blood every morning from ulcers, or not be able to afford to have dental work done and the constant fear of losing my teeth, fear of worse conditions cause I have chest pains and doctors can't figure those out after thousands of dollars tests which is now pointless medical debt, cause they couldn't find anything.

I hate living in an apartment in an area of town where people get shot, raped, robbed and I had a guy pull a knife on me in the park a couple months back, cause I can't afford for me and my wife to live somewhere better.

None of it from lack of effort or trying... Isn't any of it anyone's fault, it is just broken, and I work hard, and things aren't getting better. Just tired of pretending that this is all okay, and that things aren't messed up, and that people with and without degrees aren't both getting shafted these days.

[swimmer963]

Growth mindset or whatever

So there’s a trait I seem to have, best encapsulated by an anecdote: 

I currently sing in a choir with a bunch of my friends. I do this even though I am by no stretch of the imagination a particularly talented singer. Not the point. I love singing, it’s good for my mood and wellbeing, it gives me an endorphin high and makes me feel warm fuzzies for the people I’m singing with. 

Recently, there was an invite for a small-group extra rehearsal, where there was some expectation that you might be the only one on your part. I eagerly volunteered myself even though I *know* from past experience that the last time I did this (I was in a church choir and had to hold a part alone during one sunday service due to an unexpected failure of all the other sopranos to show up), it did not go well and I was basically told to leave the choir by the new director. Singing is great and I wasn’t about to turn down an extra opportunity to sing. 

I also volunteered myself to sing alto, even though I *know* I have a harder time getting my notes if they’re not the highest note in a chord - how am I ever going to improve at this if I don’t practice when I have the chance? 

I ended up having one friend join me on alto, and we showed up early to practice just our part together, and were starting to get it mostly-down while it was just us. Then the rest of the group showed up, and we tried to do a sing-through, and I very quickly had my face shoved in the fact that my sense of relative pitch is *shit* and I was approximately guessing my notes. We went off to do sectionals and practice just with the soprano singer, and I *still* couldn’t get it – my brain was refusing to give me any feedback except ‘???’ about whether I was singing the right note. 

I was feeling stuck, frustrated and self-conscious and humiliated, not knowing how to make progress...and then my friend suggested I sing with my pitch-detection app open (which I’d done while practicing stuff alone but hadn’t pulled out in a group rehearsal before). And suddenly I sang it through 80% correct on the first go, because I had all the *other* skills involved (reading music, quickly self-correcting to match the right note), I just needed a feedback loop to replace “person next to me confidently singing the right note.” No one can stop me from using a pitch app all the time! Maybe it’s cheating but cheating is just strategy! 

It was an exhilarating experience and I am 100% going back next time. 

---

Growth mindset is a common phrase in my social circles. I also hear people talk a lot about perfectionism and social anxiety, and the damage done to children when they are praised for inherent traits like intelligence, incorporate "good at X” into their self-image, and end up demoralized and too afraid of failure to try hard things. 

I won’t claim to have none of this problem, but it’s specific to a couple of areas, and I think it’s more of the form “negative updates would hurt a lot” than “I’m afraid to try hard things.” My response to fears like “what if I’m just not smart enough to X?” is a combination of “[shrug] I know I don’t have the raw talent to be a Nobel-prize-winning mathematician, tell me something new” and “well, no one thought I had enough innate musical talent at 11 to learn how to sing, and I sure showed them.” 

Maybe part of this is that for just about everything I’ve done, it’s not important to be the “best”, just to show up and do it at all. I was a nurse, and I didn’t need to be the *best* nurse in order for hospitals and travel agencies to fight over employing me. I’ve done ops work, despite all the skills I’m missing and all the weaknesses I’m trying to compensate for, like sucking at data-entry-type attention to detail. Sometimes I fucked up in embarrassing ways, but I was still an extra person being helpful, in a place where that was desperately needed, and that was enough to get *so much* social validation and reward. 

I do have, I think, a pretty good sense of whether my strengths and weaknesses lie on “innate” traits – where I can improve with relatively little effort. Wrapping my head around abstract systems is easy for me, relative to your average human (if not relative to my current social group). Learning fine motor tasks is not. Just means I needed to proactively hunt down every single opportunity to practice putting in IVs. I eventually did become pretty good, or at least had a reputation for it – maybe just because “jumping on any chance to practice” becomes a *habit* and I was the first to raise my hand if someone needed an IV on a “hard stick”. I was also goddamned stubborn, and would take ages to set up and carefully hunt for that one good vein, and try the max number of allowed sticks even if I didn’t expect to get it [EDIT: if the patient was okay with it, the max number is usually 2 and even very good nurses often can’t get an IV in 2 tries, and I think 80% of my IV prowess came from measures like heat packs and careful positioning that took longer to set up but made it nicer for the patient. Also, I ended up willing to try even when I didn’t expect to get it because like 25-50% of the time I *would* get it.]

(The more relevant question I ask myself for “can I realistically be excellent at X” is whether I will practice it obsessively enough. I could definitely learn programming, I just don’t enjoy it enough to end up getting good – not the way I enjoy writing, where it’s more “good luck stopping me”.) 

There are definitely areas where, looking at the balance of my innate talent, I would decide not to compete – not to show up at all. I’m calibrated enough to know where I’m not wanted, and where getting it perfectly is high-stakes enough that I shouldn’t risk it. I’ve sometimes “decided not to compete” in cases I don’t endorse on reflection, like having intellectual opinions and models of the world – my friends are smarter than me! They have *better* opinions and models!

I also pay attention at all to the social dynamics around this – the places where eagerly volunteering yourself will be taken as a claim that you “think you’re so good”, and you’ll get social punishment if you turn out to be mediocre. (I think there’s a way of navigating this where you make it clear that you *know* you suck, and are sort of earnest and puppydog about it, so no one reads it as you making a status claim.) 

If it was something I wanted badly enough, I suspect I would poke my nose in anyway. I have. I doubt the actually-good singers in the choir I joined at age 14 were very pleased by my showing up and singing the wrong notes next to them. 

Still, they let me get away with it. There are a *lot* of areas where the world has let me get away with trying new things and sucking at them; the only thing actually stopping me is embarrassment and self-consciousness, and man do I feel those sometimes, but I don’t endorse letting it get in my way. I can *act* shameless, even if I don’t always feel that way on the inside. 

(I’m aware that I may just be *lucky* to have had this experience, to have repeatedly found myself in groups that didn’t mock and shun me for having the audacity to make a claim that I could do X. Lucky that I have good enough social perception to play it right, and not look like I think I’m better than them. Lucky that I *do* have enough innate ability in enough areas that my practice usually pays off. Lucky that I’ve landed on things that were *fun* to practice obsessively. Idk.) 

This got really long and I’m not sure what my point is. Maybe just that this feels really core to who I am, and to the extent that I am good at some things as an adult, it’s because I’ve done this over and over and over again. And I wish everyone could feel that way deep down? I wish the world was such that no one was ever punished for loving something they weren’t talented at. 

(Also, if you see me doing a thing badly in public: trust me, I know I suck. I’m doing it anyway.) 

[ahumanfemale]

Consider, if you will…

In law school students have to participate in mock trials, where they separate into groups like defense/prosecution/jury, etc. Which means that at some point Sonny Carisi would have to wear the appropriate clothing, prep for the case chosen as an example, and realistically and effectively BE a prosecutor. And he’s not nervous about it per se, but it will be the first time he puts his theoretical skills into practice so he talks it over with Rollins in the squad room, even going to far as to mention that it’s this coming Tuesday night. Probably in the hopes that she would remember and wish him good luck.

It’s not his fault that Rafael overhears, but he does.

It’s also not his fault that Rafael’s curiosity is well and thoroughly piqued at the prospect of seeing the lawyer in Carisi rather than just the detective. He has his suspicions based on knowing the man professionally but those suspicions meant nothing in the long run so he keeps them to himself.

He tries to forget, he really does.

He’s already very busy, he has four arraignments the next day and the opening arguments for a separate case the morning after that, and still Rafael finds himself calling an old colleague from Fordham to inquire on the time and place of the mock court session taking place later that day. The professor suspects nothing, gives the information out with hardly a second thought as to why a infamous prominent Manhattan ADA wants to attend mock court for a program other than his alma mater.  It likely hasn’t occurred to him that Rafael works with one of his students.  

Which is how he ends up at Fordham late on a Tuesday night, footsteps echoing in an empty hallway as he looks for a particular room number.  

He slips in the back so no one sees him other than the professor, who gives him a subtle nod.  Rafael is considerate enough to know that seeing him would throw Carisi off his game so he sits in the far back of the gallery and keeps his mouth shut.  Even when he wants to tell a student juror to quit texting and wants to tell the defense to consider acting lessons to get rid of his stage fright.  He watches Carisi gives opening statements as lead for the prosecution and he can’t help the swell of pride in his chest.  The man is confident, affable.  Leaning on the jury box with all the likable ease that Carisi seems to inhabit naturally.  He sounds intelligent, looks professional.  Is clearly prepared and obviously mentally engaged with the proceedings.  The jury is comfortable with him, are receptive to what he was saying.  

None of this is news to Rafael, who expected no less of a detective skilled at deciphering human behavior and adopting the likenesses of characters used for undercover operations.  

It’s not until the first instance of a cross that Rafael is taken by surprise.

It wasn’t hard to tell the smug asshole in the room, from the moment he was led in.  He took the stand reproachfully, as though this wasn’t the part of the assignment he had his eye on.  Since his glare was very obviously at Carisi it wasn’t hard to tell the position he’d wanted.  It didn’t bother the detective at all, treating the other student with passive disinterest to start.  Standard questions, nothing spectacular.  At least until the first objection, which Sonny backs up with a case tried fifteen years before - in Brooklyn, of all places.

One of Rafael’s cases, a homicide.

He wins the motion.

Which the witness didn’t seem to care for at all because then he started acting up, giving petulant non-answers to throw Carisi off.  To affect his performance.  It doesn’t work. Instead, when he refuses to answer for the third time, Carisi turns to the professor and asks permission to treat him as a hostile witness - at which time Carisi turns on a dime and decimates him.    

With logic, with the kid’s own words.  For the first time since the mock trial started Rafael is reminded of the capable detective, strong enough to compel confessions out of suspects far more intimidating than a petulant jerk in a mock trial.  By the time he’s done the kid is blinking and dazed and Rafael doesn’t think his chest feels tight out of pride.  When he watches Carisi smooth his tie and dismiss the witness his mouth is dry and he can feel his heartbeat significantly lower than his actual heart.  

It’s then that the professor chooses to conclude the trial for today and everyone stands up to start collecting their things, chatter starting up again while they make plans to grab drinks.  Carisi is the only one who declines, stating he has an early shift in the morning.  Slowly everyone filters out and Carisi has stayed behind, exchanging words and a smile with the professor.  Finally the professor says something significant and Carisi jolts, turning slowly and searching the chairs in the gallery before finding Rafael.

He swallows hard, bracing.

Probably to be mocked because he doesn’t realize that he’s done nothing worthy of being mocked.

The professor claps him on the back once and leaves the room while Rafael finally stands, descending the steps until he reaches the courtroom floor.  Hands in his pockets, expression neutral.

“Counselor,” Carisi starts amiably.  “Didn’t expect to see you setting foot here willingly.  Who blackmailed you?”

Rafael chuckles.

“No blackmail necessary.  I overheard you telling Detective Rollins,” he says, approaching the table.  “I hope it doesn’t bother you.”

Carisi grins.  “Not at all, counselor.  Now I get to look forward to a whole new category of jokes at my expense.”

“Jokes about what, detective?” he asks seriously, still feeling the secondary thrill from discovering that Carisi’s legal prowess was unbearably attractive to him.  “That you’re more than capable?  That you’re talented, even?  Quick on your feet, intuitive?  Every one of those is a terrible punchline.”

Carisi looks at him like he sprouted a second head.

“You used one of my cases,” he points out as well, just because it needs to be said.  “Creatively, I might add.  I wouldn’t have thought to apply it here.”

The detective chuckled but Rafael didn’t miss the color creeping up his neck.  

“Impressed, counselor?”

“Very.”

Carisi’s eyes jerk up to meet his, to judge his seriousness, and seems to trust what he finds because his shoulders finally relax and his smile is suddenly genuine.  A beaming, bright thing that makes Rafael wonder why he’d wasted so much time making him roll his eyes when this was a much better alternative.

A thought for another time, and Rafael still has more to say.

“You might let your classmate, the defense, know that he needs some extra attention in public speaking.  Acting classes help, I’m told,” he adds, just because the thought sticks with him and he doesn’t want to see a talented lawyer go to waste because he doesn’t know how to perform for a jury.  Judging from the way Carisi grins at him it was a bad move because now he’s looking at Rafael with unobstructed interest, a hint of heat low in his gaze.

“You thinking about teaching, Barba?”

He scoffs.

“Oh, you don’t want that Carisi,” he replies with a hint of a smile.  “Besides, would you willingly subject any of your classmates to being at my mercy?”

“Nah,” Carisi denies, closing his briefcase and sneaking a glance at Rafael.  A glance that lingers long after it should have ended had this been a professional discussion between colleagues.  “I might get jealous.”

Rafael pauses, calculating.

Carisi doesn’t back down.

Interesting.

“Do you have somewhere to be right now, Carisi?” he asks before the question has fully formed in his head but he doesn’t back down either.

“Nope.  I took the whole night off because we’re never sure how long these things will last,” he replies as they start toward the door.  “You?”

“Only if you want to get a drink with me,” Rafael offers mildly and doesn’t miss the flicker of surprise on Carisi’s face.  

“Yeah,” he says slowly, getting accustomed to the idea.  “Yeah, I’d like that.”

They reach the door and Carisi steps forward first, opening it for him.  Something Carisi has always done for him but this time Rafael takes advantage, moving just a little closer than necessary as he passes through it.

“Thank you, counselor,” Rafael says kindly and Carisi’s jaw falls open for real this time, heat flashing high on his cheeks.  He makes it several feet down the hall before he realizes that Carisi is frozen in place, looking at him with open awe on his face.  

“You coming, Carisi?” 

The words snap him out of it and he lets the door close, walking quickly to catch up to him, and Rafael allows himself to smirk. 

Rafael still has the upper hand.

For a little while.

[thekoreanlass]

I used to believe that period movies weren’t really my style, but Korean movies with historical genre entirely changed my perspective. Now, I crave such movies. I’ll definitely watch it as long as it’s worth it.

And while at this topic, I have been actually watching the drama ‘The Crowned Clown‘ which is based off the movie ‘Masquerades‘. Both stories happened during Gwanghaegun’s time on the throne, when strangely there was no entry in the records for 15 consecutive days. And the writer’s imagination basically centered on his theory that Gwanghae actually hired a clown that looked so much like him as his replacement while he’s out of the palace. The clown, named Ha Seon, ruled Joseon for 15 days with threat to his life, but with compassion for his people.

Prince Gwanghae’s life and legacy and the mystery surrounding him actually intrigued me so much that I took the time to read about him and stumbled upon another piece of work that depicts another period of his life. ��Warriors of the Dawn‘ is a movie from 2017 that mainly focuses on the proxy soldiers who went on a really long journey to bring the Crown Prince to his destination to look for volunteer soldiers that will fight alongside them against the Japanese soldiers who were trying to take over Korea at that time.

Read below to see if this movie is somewhat your taste! I’ll give you reason why to watch it 🙂

The Story

To avoid Japanese forces, King Seonjo escapes to the Ming Empire and abandons his people in the process. In his place, Prince Gwanghae (Yeo Jin-goo) leads the royal court and confronts the enemies with the help of proxy soldiers led by To-woo (Lee Jung-jae). Proxy soldiers consist of those who are paid to serve in the military on behalf of others.

Review:

To be honest, after watching big budget period movies with heavy CGI like ‘Monstrum’ or zombie-thriller ‘Rampant’, I have lost expectations for period movies. So, I didn’t really set high standards for ‘Warriors of the Dawn’, thinking that it won’t also live up to its name.

Thankfully, though, I’m happy that I am wrong.

The movie greatly delivers, especially with it’s nice plot, sequence, as well as the battle scenes that are both heart-stopping, emotional, sometimes poignant, but also moves something in you to the point that it makes you cry.

Proxy warriors or men who were paid small wages to serve in the military in replacement of someone else are the center of this movie. It depicts their long journey and hardships as they join the royal court in delivering Prince Gwanghae to his destination in order to convince volunteers to join them in their fight against the Japanese.

Gwanghae is the son of a concubine to the King, therefore, making him an illegitimate child who should have not the right to be the heir to the throne. All thanks to an incompetent older brother and his father, King Seonjo, who fled to Ming to evade the Japanese force as well as put his illegitimate son at a spot where he would be easily killed and later blame the Japanese for his death, Gwanghae is installed to the throne to rule Joseon. Though deemed incompetent for the role as Gwanghae has not shown preparedness or huge interest to it, he is thrown into a long and dangerous journey together with a royal court that supposedly will serve him with loyalty and some proxy soldiers that actually hates the royal court and the Prince for how poorly they are treated.

Gwanghae’s entourage and the proxy soldiers, led by To Woo, go on a long journey filled with ups and downs that eventually cost them lost lives and supplies. Most of Gwanghae’s servers die from the ambushes that they experience until most of what’s left are the proxy soldiers that he does not truly trust.

Through this journey though the highlight of this film that truly moves me is how these characters from two different worlds evolve in such a harsh world full of deceit. Gwanghae who is once insecure and thinks he cannot be a good king, dances to thank his people he just met in the mountains for the food that they shared to him. He continues a journey that gets him nowhere, but fights his own battles and picks up a bow once he realizes his purpose, which is to stand up for his people and become a true King that will lead them to safety.

On the  other hand, because of To Woo, his team learns to dream of a better world and learns to value their job not just because it’s something they have to do in order to earn their keep, but it’s something they have to do to protect the greater good. To Woo has learned to trust that Gwanghae will definitely become a different King. He will be a good leader and because of that found a reason to protect Gwanghae and his people until their last breaths.

I must admit that the deaths of these heroes during the last part of the film made me feel dismayed. It’s so sad that I thought of the dreams and fears of these proxy soldiers and how it will never come true now. I wish for a better end for them, but I realized that not all wars end the way we want it to be. There’s always something that will inevitably go wrong. There are a lot of sacrifices that must be made in order to achieve a bigger goal. In this movie, they are the sacrifice so more people gets saved and eventually find refuge. Prince Gwanghae truly has a more important role and I think making sure to keep him alive is the best decision in a situation wherein they have to choose who to save from a sinking ship. Gwanghae, in return, keeps to his promise to keep the flag safe and show it as proof that Joseon is going to rise again from the ashes through his rule.

Lee Jung Jae has shown such great acting and chemistry with Yeo Jin Goo, who is still a household name, whom have shown progression with his acting skills in time. Yeo Jin Goo, though only second to Jung Jae’s role also displayed his prowess in acting by perfectly portraying a flawed but compassionate ruler that puts his people first before him. His youthful face did not hinder him from making the character his. He’s so good at it that you also feel his emotions through his acting. The other minor characters are nonetheless at their best, greatly contributing to the momentum at which the story is going. I don’t see why I wouldn’t like them though I feel a little awkward meeting Esom in the film with a role I have never seen her in before.

Visually, the movie has utilized such picturesque settings from nature that made the movie even believable. The fight scenes did not need any kind of wired stunts to make it look grandiose. These fight scenes are the life of this movie and has actually had me at the edge of my seat for the most part of it, making me often curse at the Japanese for getting my team short on number. But eventually, I am happy as help arrives. Sadly, this help isn’t enough to contain the enemy and eventually they catch up to the escaping party. Though I gripe about that part a lot, it’s no saying that the movie sucks because the protagonists and main reason for this movie ends up with a sad fate. It so happened that it’s more realistic, though I was hopeful that each of them will reach the day all their dreams would come true.

All in all, the movie is perfect in all sense. It mixes action, history and drama in one movie. Add familiar and great actors to get the story going and an emotional rollercoaster ride and you’re really out for something worthwhile. Just be prepared with your tissues beside you, because I have bawled my eyes out for the second half of the film. I’m sure you also will. lol.

Rating:

The real Prince Gwanghae’s story has me intrigued so much that I currently fancy most movies and dramas about him. ‘Warriors of the Dawn’ has truly lived up to its title as well as to my expectations that I would like to recommend it to everyone as well.

Rating it, I’ll give it a 4.7 out of 5.0.

[Film Review] ‘Warriors of the Dawn’ I used to believe that period movies weren't really my style, but Korean movies with historical genre entirely changed my perspective.

[dondake]

[josuro] vicis

rating: t summary: Rohan knows the theory, not the practice behind it all. 

[=]

Kishibe Rohan had romantic experience. If pressed, he might reluctantly admit to having these experiences vicariously, for the sake of his work. Pink Dark Boy was by no means a fluffy, sweet shoujo manga series, but intimate personal relationships were very much woven into the fabric of a realistic, gritty society that he wished to capture and anyway, Rohan hated not knowing something others did. He had little interest in participating in these kinds of activities directly, the thought of wasting his precious time and energy on people who were not worthy of his attention churning his stomach, so he stopped couples on dates in remote areas and took to reading about first kisses and steamy encounters, taking notes methodically. Some could say that writers had no business writing about things they had no background in, but his audience wasn’t the type to be interested in erotic makeouts and anguished confessions of love anyway. He kept it brief and vague enough to feel believable and continued spurning the advances of faceless fans and the young girls he had the misfortune of making eye contact with when he rarely ventured outside.

In retrospect, he really ought to have also actively spurned Josuke’s advances, which he caught onto fairly early because he was observant and not oblivious to meaningful long looks and uncharacteristic favors done with contradicting explanations. He had no idea what he had done to make Josuke so enamored with him, but it brought him great satisfaction to know that someone so insufferable and big-headed had been brought down by his prowess and inmate charm. The only reason why Rohan did not utterly destroy him was because he was Koichi’s precious friend, and even someone as gifted and peerless as Kishibe Rohan could acknowledge strength when he saw it. So he allowed Josuke’s increasingly frequent visits to his house and the boy’s slow creep closer into his space and said nothing when eventually Josuke laid a tentative hand on his knee and continued saying nothing when his seemingly blasé reaction about the whole ordeal emboldened Josuke to bring his conventionally handsome face with his rugged features closer to kiss Rohan on the mouth.

So he was finally feeling firsthand the phrases like ‘nibbled on my bottom lip’ and ‘put his tongue in my mouth’, and admittedly, they were not all that unpleasant. Josuke followed the procedures faithfully, so those kinds of actions were as accurately commonplace as his repeated readings of them suggested. Rohan had not read much about the intensity of the ‘heat pooling in my stomach’ and the feeling of the ‘grip of his hand on my thigh’; some things one had to actively seek out, it appeared. He had closed his eyes to best immerse himself in the whole experience. Josuke brought up a hand to cup his face and he felt the infamous ‘heart skipped a beat’.

When Josuke eventually stopped, Rohan contemplated invoking Heaven’s Door to read about the other perspective in the act of ‘making out on a couch’. Doing so might not match the mood, though, and an artist was an expert at reading the mood.

“No offense,” Josuke said, “but you’re kind of a terrible kisser.”

(“Whoa man!” Okuyasu said to Josuke on their way to school the next day. “That is one serious bruise on your face. Is there a new Stand user around? Do you need my help giving them an ass whooping?”)

[=]

“Koichi, I need your help,” Rohan said. “Introduce me to Josuke’s ex-girlfriends.”

Koichi sputtered.

“Or ex-whatevers. That’s all irrelevant. I just need to know who he has made out with in the past.”

“This kind of retaliation is a little too intense for me,” Koichi said. “I don’t know if I can help you with something like that.”

Explaining that he had no intention of dating the girls that Josuke had dated only helped to confuse Koichi even more. Rohan decided to switch tactics. “Never mind about that idiot then. You’re going out with that Yamagashi girl, aren’t you? Tell me about your sex life.”

Koichi let out an unrestrained gargle scream. “I’d really prefer you just Heaven’s Door me without my approval if you really want to know about all that,” Koichi groaned. “I mean, I don’t actually want you to know but if you’re going to-”

Rohan used Heaven’s Door on Koichi.

It proved to be a fruitless exercise, as Koichi’s pages on Yukako were filled with decadent explanations of ‘Yukako’s hand, lily white and soft like a pebble smoothed by years of traveling in the ocean to reach the grasp of a fair maiden, was gentle and loving in mine’ and ‘her lips, trembling and warm, touched mine and I heard the choirs of the heavens open up and sing’. Rohan thought Koichi might be a useful consultant to write some of the dialogue in Pink Dark Boy when his editor suggested that he needed more flair.

(Though he had promised Koichi that he would never interfere with his thoughts again, Rohan erased a recent memory that read ‘is Rohan-sensei interested in dating Josuke?’)

Reading the stories of the girls that he saw most often with Josuke also did not prove to be very relevant. Not every girl had an entry about kissing Josuke, and those who did told nothing about technique that could help in his predicament. In any case, unlike the inaccurate conclusion Koichi had drawn about Rohan’s interest in Josuke’s personal life, Rohan was not particularly eager in dating Josuke (though he’d think about a ‘first date’ if Josuke ever brought it up, which would not happen in the near future during his current imposed solitude from the boy), but his pride was put out from being unskilled at something. Making out was such a trivial past time, but the thought of Josuke knowing he was not good at it was humiliating. Still, it seemed that there was no helping the situation beyond turning back time (currently impossible) or inviting Josuke back to change his mind (difficult, considering he had not yet found or had honed a method to indicate that he was actually a great kisser).

“Look,” Josuke said, after arriving quickly following Rohan’s sudden summons, “I get it was random and I guess I should have said something first, I didn’t even tell you how I felt yet so…”

Rohan used Heaven’s Door on him right then and there in the foyer.

He found the entry in Josuke’s head: Kishibe Rohan doesn’t kiss well. It was sandwiched between things like ‘he’s arrogant as all hell and can’t say things nicely but Rohan has a nice face’ and ‘I don’t know anything about manga but Koichi’s right that his manga is pretty good’. Rohan contemplated his options. He certainly could erase the thought and the memory that they had kissed, but Josuke would most definitely get it in his head again to try and kiss him and then they would back at this point. He could revise the thought to say that Kishibe Rohan kissed well, but a next kiss would prove it wrong. Making Josuke think that all of his kisses were good seemed counterproductive to the goal of being a generally good kisser; Rohan didn’t want people to just think he was skilled - he needed to have the proof behind that conclusion too.

“Did you just use Heaven’s Door on me?” Josuke asked, blinking as he felt something odd about himself and stared at Rohan’s back to him. Josuke touched his coif - but gently, as not to pull a hair out of place - as if it represented his mind. “I don’t really feel any different. I don’t think I like you any less.”

“I didn’t add or remove anything from your book.”

“Then what did you do?”

“Nothing; I didn’t do anything to you.”

Josuke would get no concessions. “If you were trying to check if I’m trying to trick you or anything - I mean, I’m sure you’ve seen it. I don’t know why myself but I think I like you or something.” He sounded bashful even if Rohan wasn’t looking at him. “It’s totally weird, I know, and I’ve been trying to figure it out and wondering if I should make you change my mind or something…”

“Unlike students, I don’t have the leisure time to do silly things like think about pubescent crushes and improving my kissing technique.”

Josuke followed him into his studio. “Erm, I know it’s a little presumptuous of me to think this, but since you didn’t mess with my mind to make me hate you or anything…” Finally armed with a paper cutter he used to cut his screen tones, Rohan turned to face Josuke with the full intention of finally decimating him and his beautiful face, Koichi’s friendship be damned. His bloodlust must have been palpable, since Crazy Diamond was now hovering behind Josuke and watching him carefully. “But I don’t really care if you’ve got no talent at kissing. I mean. It’s not some kind of thing you’re just born with and have no control over.”

Rohan’s grip on the blade in his hand tightened. “Get to the point, Josuke.”

“What I’m saying is…and you can totally erase this thought from my mind…you can definitely get better at making out. And, uh, I can help you with it if you want.”

“You can - help me?”

Josuke, for all his youthful bravado and confidence, was squirming. “If you’re going to make me say it, I mean I’ll volunteer to be the person you make out with. Obviously, I have ulterior motives here.”

“And you’re saying you’re an expert at it, aren’t you?”

“Ack! Well, when you put it that way. I’m not terrible at it, but it’s not like I’m the best kisser in all of Morioh, much less the best in Japan. I don’t go around kissing everyone, you know!”

Rohan let his hand flatten on top of his desk, although he kept the paper cutter right underneath. “If I have to learn something, I don’t take lessons from anyone who’s only second best.”

Josuke immediately straightened up and puffed out his chest. “Then actually I’ve been called the best kisser in the region. I’m pretty sure my ability could make anyone fall in love with me in no time.”

This was typical ‘flirtation’, this kind of unfounded boasting. “I don’t believe everything I hear.”

Josuke came closer, and Crazy Diamond disappeared, a good peace offering and an offering of his neck as any. “Then I’ll prove it to you. If you’re okay with that, obviously.” When Rohan did not say otherwise, he came right up and put his hands on the desk on either side of Rohan’s waist and kissed him quickly, testing the waters and ready to pull back if he got burned. The paper cutter was cool under Rohan’s palm but it was left on the table, and the feel of Josuke’s neck behind the collar of his jacket was red hot.

[sockslikesmusik]

Contemporary Civilization: Machiavelli’s The Prince

Niccolò Machiavelli’s The Prince provides a practical guide for rulers who wish to rule their principalities well. Because of the weakness of traditional Christian ethics, Machiavelli argues that modern Christianity and a strong nation state are mutually exclusive. He supplements this argument in The Discourses on Livy, in which he explores the weaknesses and complacency conjured by Christianity in both the ruler and the ruled. Machiavelli does not discuss the validity of religion, but rather examines its use as a political tool. Machiavelli’s ultimate goal in both The Prince and The Discourses on Livy is to cognize how Christianity and its tenets can be reconfigured to be useful for the leadership of an effective republic. At the time that Machiavelli penned his works, Italy was in shambles. The country was divided into many small city-states that were ineffectively run and completely corrupt. The lack of political stability led Machiavelli to write a guide on how to sustain a successful state, with the necessary component of a powerful and intelligent ruler. Machiavelli longed for the unified leadership of the Roman Empire during antiquity. Hence, many of the “great men” he admires and uses as examples are ancient rulers such as “Moses, Cyrus, Romulus, Theseus, and others like them” (The Prince, 18). The unifying trait between these leaders is virtú, which is a characterized as a mixture of drive, strength, and cleverness. By describing these men as great leaders, Machiavelli begins to draw a distinction between his weak contemporary Christian leaders and the pagan (or, in the case of Moses, Jewish) yet effective leaders who exhibited virtú. Indeed, these rulers were able to apprehend and take advantage of their situation, as “these opportunities made these men lucky; but it was their remarkable political skill [virtù] that enabled them to recognize these opportunities for what they were” (19). Machiavelli is quick to undermine the notion that religious authority and exhibiting virtú are incompatible. For example, Moses, while being able to use his political acumen and intelligence to lead his people out of Egypt, is still revered as a religious prophet. Thus, it is not religiosity that is yielding ineffectual leadership, but rather the current interpretation and use of Christianity by the church. One aspect of an effective leader as described by Machiavelli is the ability to discern when it is necessary to employ “well-used cruelty”. He contends: “Well-used cruelty…one may call those atrocities that are committed at a stroke, in order to secure one’s power, and are then not repeated, rather every effort is made to ensure one’s subjects benefit in the long run” (30). Accordingly, at certain points, it is necessary for rulers to assert their dominance and perform acts of violence. As long as the ruler asserts his dominance sparingly, he will remain in good graces of the people and still be able to control uproar. He provides the example of Agathocles, an ordinary citizen who rose to power by holding a civil meeting with the richest and most powerful senators during which he had them all massacred. Machiavelli states that while this act was not exactly one of virtú, there was “no reason why he should be judged less admirable than any of the finest generals” (28). By including an examination of necessary violence, Machiavelli grounds his reasoning in a realistic and practical view of the world. In practice, people are selfish and a leader with virtú will need to adapt to his circumstances. Indeed, “anyone who ignores everyday reality in order to live up to an ideal will soon discover he has been taught how to destroy himself, not how to preserve himself. For anyone who wants to act the part of a good man in all circumstances will bring about his own ruin, for those he has to deal with will not all be good” (48). This teaching is diametrically opposed to the Christian virtues of kindness and gracious suffering. In the Discourses on Livy, Machiavelli provides more explicit arguments against the preaching and control of the church. He immediately blames Christianity for the “weak state to which the religion of today has brought the world” and an “ambition conjoined with idleness” (Discourses, 98). As in The Prince, a major instrument in his argumentation for the potential benefits of religion is a harkening back to the ancients. The author provides the example of Numa, who “turned to religion as the instrument necessary above all for the maintenance of a civilized state” (139)”. Numa cleverly manipulated religion and pretended to have “private conferences with a nymph who advised him about the advice he should give to the people” (140). Because the populace was “more afraid of breaking an oath than of breaking the law”, this was an effective mechanism for creating effective policy. Further, another benefit of invoking a sense of divine authority was the ability to create long-lasting political stability. Machiavelli repeats the importance of retaining the state after the death of the ruler: “the security of a republic or of a kingdom…does not depend upon its ruler governing it prudently during his lifetime, but upon his so ordering it that, after his death, it may maintain itself in being” (142). Thus, an immortal divinity is useful to instill values and myths that will last long after the death of a particular ruler.   Machiavelli then proceeds to provide several reasons for the ineffective dominance of the Christian church. He first claims that the church had not worked to ensure a religious and cultural unity amongst the people, stating “If such a religious spirit had been kept up by the rulers of the Christian commonwealth as was ordained for us by its founder, Christian states and republics would have been much more united and much more happy” (144). The reason for this loss of religiosity was the corruption and lack of values evident in the church. When the church itself fails to appear religious, there is little motivation for the public to uphold a reverence for Christianity. Thus, Machiavelli reaffirms the importance of appearances: if not actually religious, any effective leaders must still appear religious in order to develop a sense of trust and unity with his subjects. Another issue Machiavelli grasps in the rule of the church is the fact that it “has kept, and keeps, Italy divided”: “neither its power nor its virtue has been sufficiently great for it to be able to usurp power in Italy and become its leader; nor yet, on the other hand, has it been so weak that it could not, when afraid of losing its dominion over things temporal, call upon one of the powers to defend it against an Italian state that had become too powerful” (145).  Thus, the church did indeed exert some influence, but was overall weak and ineffective. Machiavelli’s final criticism of Christianity is the weakness and complacency it breeds in the followers. In the church’s interpretation of Christianity, it is far more important to focus on being in God’s grace in order to reach heaven after death. Thus, the indifference to the temporal “leads us to ascribe less esteem to worldly honour” (277). This indifference leads to an extremely disadvantaged military in which “our religion has glorified humble and contemplative men, rather than men of action”(278). The lack of military prowess would obviously leave Italy susceptible to attack from invaders, barbarians, or domestic traitors. Machiavelli also defends what he claims is “true” Christianity, one that actually focuses on human valor and freedom: “religion permits us to exalt and defend the fatherland…it also wishes us to love and honour it, and to train ourselves to be such that we may defend it” (279). It is important to examine that Machiavelli is directly attacking the priests and church’s interpretation of Christianity, not the religion itself. In fact, Machiavelli implies if the Christian religion is reinterpreted and reinstated as a source of unifying strength within the republic, it can serve as extremely advantageous for Italy. Rulers will be able to establish a fear of divine authority, make people remember the oaths of religion and their relationship to God, and make the military mighty and virtuous. Our contemporary society is far more religiously diverse than either ancient Rome or sixteenth century Italy. Despite the United States being secular nation with a belief in the separation of church and state, the influence of religion in our political system cannot be underestimated. Today, a politician’s religiousness is inextricably linked to his moral character. Politicians are still sworn in on a bible, and an appeal to religious authority is still commonplace during speeches and debates, especially by conservative politicians. Currently, I believe presidents have excelled at crafting their own images of religious and reliable authorities without, for the most part, alienating their subjects. As society becomes less religiously unified, however, perhaps an appeal to a Christian ethos will not be enough to develop a sound relationship between rulers and ruled. I would expect that as society develops and more people become educated, people will participate in and value a stable society without the need to appeal to a Christian God.