#i wish i had something more eloquent to add but nope

[misswoozi]

I have so many MiMo thoughts hold on 🎮

Momo carrying Mina and straping her

Mina licking Momos abs

Momo rimming Mina

Mina rimming Momo

Rough drunk sex

Sloppy makeouts on the couch

They just cant keep their hands off the others ass

[kuroos-moon]

with all that’s left, kenjirou

pairing: med student shirabu x hospital patient reader

summary: apparently, you’ve got limited time left. with that in mind, you don’t see a point to living through everyday, but changes in hospital rotations occur and a cold med student wounds up in your hospital room.

warning/s: hospital setting, terminal reader, pessimistic/apathetic thoughts

a/n: i might do a part two idk i lowkey could see this as a series just for the fun of it

wc: 3.4k 

Slowly blinking away the sleep from your eyes, you instantly recognize the absence of sunlight that’d normally leave you huffing and groaning by now. Your room was gloomy and dark, you realize, but it had to be daytime, as confirmed by the bland mechanical clock across from where you lay on your bed; you’ve grown accustomed to looking at it as soon as you woke up.

7:30 am, it read. 

Normally, you’d be up by seven sharp in courtesy of that psychotic nurse of a friend of yours, the room would be bright and sunny too unlike now. 

Plain white curtains were still over the window to your left, a few steps from your bed—it wasn’t wide, in fact, it was stupidly small considering that it was the only window in the room—but you’ve long ascertained that two people could stand together close enough and see through it comfortably.

Your days were uniformed. Your nurse would wake you up too damn early in the morning, try to radiate some happiness into you—not that you’re depressed—and then she’ll proceed with giving you your medication even though you could do it yourself, then she injects that stinging, numbing liquid in the tube that always made you feel sleepy, and lastly, she checks your vitals—your current state, your response to the treatment. 

You always loathe that part the most, although you appreciate her trying to ease it away with chitter chatter. She wouldn’t pass as an actress though even if her life depended on it, she couldn’t contain what she truly felt. It was painfully easy to tell you’re getting worse by the look on her face and her frightened, disappointed eyes—and it made you feel bitter, what else did you expect, Yui?

But of course you loved her too much to actually voice that out, she’s the only one who stuck around; and even if she denies it every single time, you know she gave up her dreams to live abroad to keep you company until your last breath. 

It’s neither a pro nor a con, but considering the lack of life in the room, you succumb to the emptiness, idly laying on your bed and getting stuck in a daze of nonentity as you stare up at the ceiling. It’s neither peaceful nor lonely either, it’s just reality. 

Hearing fast approaching footsteps getting closer, you know it could only be Yui, and for a split second you consider locking your door, her personality would only brighten up your room which was dark and gloomy for a change, and you wanted to leave it as it is.

Maybe she’ll let you keep the curtains closed if you begged enough. Maybe.

The door, which was to your right, slides open and you sigh—here we go. 

“Good morning y/n-chan!”

“Morning Yui,” you try to sound cheerful without looking at her. 

“Sorry I’m late! Had to take care of some things and I have sad news for you!”

You jokingly glare at her, “what do you mean you’re late? You don’t need to be here at all every 7 in the morning like a living alarm clock. I’m still a patient y’know, need sleep and all that.”

She only chuckles at you, heading for the windows to tie your curtains. 

“Can you leave them like that? I actually like it this way,” you mutter.

“Nope, let’s live in a vibrant environment shall we,” she muses, proceeding to open the curtains much to your distaste. Fortunately, even when she had them opened, the sky was covered with thick dark clouds—it would rain later on, but more importantly, your room remains bleak and lifeless.

“Why do you look so pleased?” She scowls at you and you grin. “My room reflects my withering life for a change.” It’s far too late the moment you realize you’ve said those words out loud. 

You don’t even need to sit up or turn your head to look at her to know she’s crying right now. Keeping your eyes closed, you listen to her mutter curses at you and how you should cherish the time you have left. 

It’s not that you’re depressed or bitter about how your life’s apparently fading away. But you’re much too realistic and you’ve long accepted that your life is fading away. There’s nothing you could do about it. You couldn’t bring yourself to be someone who appreciates every single second left or one who starts crashing out things from their bucket list either (you’re not even sure if you have one).

To you, your life is as good as gone. If it ends, it ends—it’s no big deal. And the fact that your mindset is so dull, your life painfully as monotonous, it’s not too much for you to ask for that your room should be the same. This sunless, dreary environment is greatly to your taste. Having it lit up so brightly, to add to that, Yui’s cheerful attitude, leaves you feeling like there should be more to your life than what it actually is: short and numbered.

“Said I was sorry,” you mutter, still lying on your back with closed eyes. She only sniffles, “try to lighten up the mood, will you? As I said I even have sad news.”

“Which is?”

“I’m not assigned to check on you anymore. There’s been a change in rotations with the increasing med students around.”

While it isn’t exactly sad news to you, it’s not pleasant either. It means that someone completely unknown to you would check your condition twice every single day.

“Who gets lucky enough to take care of me in your place then?”

She huffs and you could already tell she despises the person.  

“A fifth-year med student. He’s such a stuck-up, smart-mouth imbecile just because he gets stupidly good grades.”

“What? Don’t tell me you fought with him already or something,” you joke.

“Duh! Why else do you think I wasn’t here early? Like he’s apparently really smart, he undermined even his previous seniors that’s why they hated him and doctors here favor him too.”

“Thank you, though I don’t really think my wits and brains are as extraordinary as you make it out to be,” eloquently says a smooth, soothing yet distant voice to your right.

Your heads turn to the tall guy who stood by your doorframe. His disinterested eyes were on Yui and you could assume she was glaring back at him because that’s just the way she is—you’re simply too preoccupied with taking in the sight of him to confirm what Yui’s facial expression is right now.

His eyes are an even shade of brown, and brown was too warm a color for them to look so cold. The absence of any apparent emotion on his facial features made him appear so unapproachable and intimidating—not that you’re intimidated—and there was something in the way he carried himself and stood so upright that makes him seem so authoritative and composed.

“You!” Yui hisses, you slowly sit up, reminded of the awkward situation you’ve been put in all because she had to talk bad about someone without closing the door first. “Nurse Sato, was it? It’s a pleasure to be of your acquaintance again. Do you mind leaving so I could tend to the patient?”

Similar to his eyes, his hair was a coper brown, and you could tell he took good care of his hair from the way it seemed so well-combed and soft. How could one even look so good and smart in a white coat? And here you thought you’ve seen enough doctors in this lifetime to be at awe from the sight of someone with the same attire, holding a similar clipboard.

“You’re an annoying little br-

“I’m older than you, Nurse Sato. And professionally, you shouldn’t be losing composure in front of a patient, let alone be raising your voice.” He is simply so blunt and cold; you’re torn between snickering at Yui for getting dissed or remaining silent because he might have something to scold you for too.

Before Yui could say anything else, you intervene. “Hey, you still have your rounds to do, okay? I’ll be fine, go do your job or something,” you chuckle a bit as she grits her teeth, glaring at Mr. Icy Med Student by the door then at you.

“Are you taking his side?”

“If that means you’ll leave, then yes, I’m taking his side,” you grin at her. She leaves with a huff, attempting to bump his shoulder but he dodges with an unamused look pointed at her.

Now that you’re alone with him, you suddenly want Yui back. Why are you feeling so awkward anyway? You’ve met tons of doctors and hospital personnel. 

He closes the door behind him the moment Yui disappears, your eyes remaining focused on your hands at your lap as you hear the slow clicking of his shoes making its way to your bedside. The footsteps come to a halt, and you couldn’t tell if you were nervous because you haven’t seen much new faces for so long or because he himself just made you nervous like a natural law. 

“Good Morning, I’m Shirabu Kenjirou, a fifth-year medical student and I’ll be the one to monitor and tend to you on weekdays,” he says, and as you’ve observed, he had such a soothing voice, it could only be because he was training to be a doctor and patients had to be comfortable around him.

Right, why would you not look at him? He’s just another one of many whose job is to look after you until your last day. He isn’t special. Like it was some easy feat, you finally look up at him, a part of you wishing you hadn’t as you feel your breath getting caught up in your throat upon meeting such far-off yet captivating brown eyes. 

He looks at you expectantly, and you get that it was because he’s waiting for you to introduce yourself. “You already know my name,” you mutter, looking away from him. He slightly raises his brows in surprise, in fact, he does know your name already, but that was an unusual response said with an undoubtedly lifeless accent—not that he cares—he’s just observant and sharp-witted.

“Y/n L/n, is that correct?” He momentarily looks down on his clipboard although he memorized your name the first time he heard it; he’s gifted with ridiculously sharp memory too. You nod, looking outside the window, surprised that it was raining. 

“Then if you don’t mind,” he says under his breath, putting down his clipboard on the table beside you before grabbing an injection and some bottled stuff you still don’t know the name of from the metallic cart by the foot of your bed. Your eyes are locked on him, injecting that stuff from the bottle seemed like a small thing to do but he still looked so focused.

The same goes for when he injects it to the tube connected to the needle in your left hand and the liquid-containing bag that serves as your daily needed life savers so that you could still walk and move around. You wince a bit, feeling the all-too familiar sting of the process.

Normally, doctors or nurses would ask you if you were okay and if it hurt when you winced like that. Not him though, and you narrow your eyes at him in curiosity. “You’re not gonna ask it?”

“Ask what?” It’s crazy how his voice does things to you you can’t quite explain, and you reason that it’s maybe because he doesn’t speak much.

“If it hurts,” you shrug. “Don’t move,” he snaps, sharp eyes finding yours before they look down on his busy hands again. Even his hands were pretty, and for a moment you wonder if they feel as nice as they look.

There’s a moment of silence before he walks away from you, checking your vitals and scribbling who knows what on his clipboard. You eye the two extra pens in his pocket, and you reckon he really is uptight with himself as he looks and acts so disciplined. Why would he need that many extra pens? 

and why should you care? an inner voice asks.

He may be fixated on what he’s doing, but he could tell how intently you stared at him. Perhaps you were waiting for him to answer your question? He doesn’t want to. He’s not one to engage on conversations that are trivial—he knows better than to actually know more than what’s necessary of someone dying. 

Shirabu certainly gets the vibe off you that you cared about nothing anymore, and he’s not exactly empathetic enough to actually feel sorry about your limited time alive. 

Still, it was slightly getting to him how your eyes never left his figure though he never pegged himself to be easily self-conscious. “Why didn’t I ask if it hurt,” he mutters and you look at him in surprise. “I know that it hurts, and if I were to ask and you were to say yes, I wouldn’t know what to say other than meaningless encouragements. I don’t like saying things I don’t mean and I assume you don’t want to hear them either.”

“You’re right.” He looks at you from the corner of his eye for a while, you’re just staring out the window. “Do you want me to close the curtains?” He asks, but you decline and he doesn’t talk anymore after that.

“That’s it for now, thank you for your cooperation, Ms. L/n. If you ever need anything else, tell me now.” When you don’t say anything, he doesn’t spare you a second glance before he turns on his heel, about to make a leave.

“Wait,” you call, and he stops, turning around to look at you. “I’d prefer if you don’t call me miss.”

“Shall I call you mister then?”

You blink. “Is that what you call a joke?” 

You could make out the slight knitting of his brows. “I was being sarcastic. It’s only professional to address you formally as you are a patient,” he strictly says, a small frown on his lips.

So you do know how to make faces, that’s the only thing on your mind as you both look at each other in silence for a mere short seconds before you speak again.

“Then is it professional to be sarcastic, Kenjirou-san?” You don’t notice the small smile on your lips but he does. Are you having a kick out of prolonging his stay in your private hospital room? He somehow dislikes it here, it made him uneasy and deep down he knows it wasn’t because of the room itself and more so because of you.

“It isn’t. My apologies, Miss L/n.”

“I said not to call me that,” you unintentionally snap. There’s no reason behind not wanting to be called that really, it just doesn’t sound right. “If you say so, y/n-san. Anything else you need?”

A grin accidentally slips out, he sounded casual and that, plus his voice, was the most pleasant thing ever. You can’t explain why you’re feeling something other than emptiness, nor are you aware that you’re somewhat giddy—you’ve far long thrown away feelings in order to survive daily with your sanity intact.

“Could I borrow a pen?” You ask him. 

He sighs, stepping close to your bed and grabbing a pen from the pocket of his coat before handing it to you. You look at it for a few seconds before taking it in your own hand, your skins barely untouching but somehow, at the back of Shirabu’s mind, he ponders if your fingertips were cold to touch considering how cold your room is.

“Thanks, I’ll return it to you later.”

He nods, putting his hands in his pockets, only realizing how cold they were when he looked at yours and wondered the same. Upon much deliberation, he looks sideways, much too prideful to look at you. “Are you feeling cold?”

You could only smile, unconsciously that is, but it surprised him still. “Now that you say it, yeah, it is quite cold.”

Before you know it, he’s walked out the door and you scoff loud enough for him to hear before he closes it. “What was the point of asking me then?” You mutter under your breath, already feeling drowsy from the injected thingy. 

The moment he was out of your sight, he stands still, his back leaning to your door. You confused him somehow, because he did hear your conversation with Yui. You totally struck him as someone who’s come to terms with their fate however ill, you’re not exactly depressed but you’re not what he considers a living person either. 

He shakes his head, what am I saying? He’s training to be a doctor yet he thinks someone breathing isn’t living—it just doesn’t make sense. But except for the fact that it does make sense. He’s heard of your name a couple times before, nurses and med students like him preferred to be the ones in charge of you because you were neither depressed or too friendly—you didn’t take a toll on their energy, they say.

That’s entirely untrue for his case. Sure, you weren’t a talker nor were you especially gloomy for someone ill, but there’s something completely and inexplicably unusual going on from the moment you evaded his mind more than necessary. He should think about what he does after he finishes with one thing, he should think about what you need—what a patient needs. 

Instead, he secretly wondered why you smiled at him so genuinely when you seemed so disconnected and disinterested with everything. Deep down, he wanted to know what was on your mind when you were staring at the rain through that small window of yours. 

What’s more to that is he doesn’t know why he wasn’t as focused on the task on hand as much as he liked, was it because of your conversation? If so, at which point did he feel so compelled to ask you more—to ask you why you needed his pen? 

Looking at his watch, he grits his teeth, disappointed in himself. It took him way much more time than it should for him to be done with you, and to think he prided himself for being someone efficient.

The moment you wake up, your eyes land immediately on the clock. It’s a quarter past noon, and it was still raining outside, the rain only getting heavier and louder. Your room still looked as dark and bland as when you first woke up this morning and you’re thankful that the icky bright sunlight didn’t creep in while you were dozed off. 

Sitting up, you finally notice the thin blanket you slept in folded neatly at the foot of your bed yet you feel so warm—at peace and relaxed even. You clutch the thick blanket over your frame, looking at it in surprise and a long forgotten feeling—happiness.  

It feels weird but unknowingly, you had the urge to go out of your way and thank him for it. It is his job to do so after all, still, if you’re grateful, you’re grateful. 

In honor of the thick blanket, maybe you should eat on time. You’ve been far too rebellious and uncaring, at least for today, you should be good. As you were about to pick up your tray from your bedside table, something caught your eye. There were pieces of paper beside it, the pen you borrowed atop the papers.

You tilt your head in wonder. There was surely not a single paper in sight earlier, it’s the reason why you haven’t started writing yet. It’s not like the lady assigned to give you meals suddenly decided to give you papers as well as if she knew what you were up to.

Could it be Kenjirou? Just the thought of that possibility has your lips curled up in a smile all day—as you finish your meal, as you took a bath, changed clothes, and watched television on your bed.  

“Geez, you seem so happy today of all days when the weather’s bad,” Yui gives you a look, sitting on the small couch beside your bed because she was apparently on break. 

“Hmm?”

“Nothing. I’m saying you’ve been so dead lately—and I meant that figuratively—despite my best efforts to lighten the mood and let some sunlight in your room. Now that the weather’s bad, your room’s dark, and that annoying Shirabu replaced me I…”

“What?” You mindlessly glance back up at the clock at the mention of his name, the fuzzy feeling back at the pit of your stomach all over again. At 7 pm, that distant smart-mouth brown-eyed medical student would walk right in again. 

“I’ve never seen you look so alive, y/n.”

General Taglist [Open]: @noyasbitchh @dinablossom @haru-the-secret @strayczennies @lalisbitch @tinymidgetsstuff @animebs @astrealia @kittykitkatstrawberry @hajimesbbygrl @kellesvt @24hr7dysdizzy @arnxldss @elianetsantana @vicassa @floraraine @beanst0ck @leinnah @kageyamasgirl @deafeningart @minibobabottle   @franko-pop @moonlightaangel @throughtheinterstices @micasaessakusa @dixonsbugaboo @thevillagehiddenintheinternet @ultzuko @yappychan 

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Communication Issues (Alternative Title: Three Touch-Starved, Insecure, Metaphysical Beings Constantly Misinterpreting Each Other and Yet Somehow Falling in Love)- Chapter One

Ao3,  MasterPost,  Chap.2,  Chap.3

Relationships: Eventual Analogince, implied Moceit

I usually have new stuff up on Wednesdays, Sorry this is late. I hope the length and angst will make up for this slight :) Also, because of how long this fucker is, I did not go in and manually add italics, so you can just. Imagine them there when you need them. 

Warnings: Panic attack (?), overworking oneself, self-hatred and insecurity, Excessive Amounts of Hurt/comfort, eventual friends-to-lovers, slow burn, arguing, crying, angst w/ a happy ending, swearing, creative blocks, mentions of isolating oneself, excessive hugging. 

Word Count: 6,396

What do you do when you find someone crying, and it’s all your fault? What do you say when you hear the muffled sobs and frantic words behind the blood-red door? When you know that, no matter how much you never wanted to hurt him- never wanted to hurt anyone- you still did. Is there anything you can do to fix it, when you’ve spent so long pretending that nothing was broken? When you’ve spent so long pretending that you didn’t care if things were broken or not? 

Well, if you're Logan Sanders, a metaphysical representation of the logical thinking of one Thomas Sanders (and you are, for the purposes of this story), then you book it down the hall in a desperate effort to find someone more emotionally competent to solve the problem. 

The search is short, lasting just to the bottom of the stairs. As soon as your feet touch down on the living room carpet, your haste brings you slamming into just the side you were looking for. Hands wrap around your middle, narrowly stopping you from stumbling over. 

“Geez, L, what’s the-” Virgil doesn’t finish his sentence, his expression wrinkling in concern when he sees your face. He leans down to your level, his gaze flickering over you to search for injuries. 

You take a step back and shake your head, struggling to explain. 

“Roman- I- He-” you’re supposed to be articulate, intelligent, eloquent- but when it comes to feelings, you never are. You never have been. You try so hard nowadays, but God, do you still need help sometimes. Like these times. These confusing, awful times when you hear dear sweet Creativity sobbing self-deprications loud enough to be heard from well outside of his room, many of which are dramatized repetitions of things that you have said to him.

“Is he okay?!” Virgil, bless him, snaps you out of the oncoming mental panic before it renders you any more useless. 

“Physically, yes- as far as I know- but emotionally, well-” you cut off, terrified of choking up. He seems to catch your meaning, though. 

Virgil doesn’t ask any follow up questions. He grabs your arm and the room blurs. Static hisses against your ears and pricks at your skin, this form of transportation being mostly foreign to you. You don’t even rise up, merely popping into existence right in front of Roman’s door. Virgil throws it open before you have the chance to react. 

Roman doesn’t notice the increased population of his room, which is concerning. His back is to the door as he works fervently at his desk, but evidently not making progress, shaking as he is. He’s muttering under his breath, much quieter than what you’d overheard before, but you can hear distinct utterances like ‘unrealistic… overused… disappointment…’ et cetera, et fucking cetera. 

“Roman, what happened?” Virgil’s voice is distorted, loud and quiet all at once. You barely keep yourself from covering your ears. 

Roman clamps his mouth shut mid-wail, his hands spasming in surprise against his desk. His quill drops to the paper with a soft clatter, a sound that echoes about the walls. Then, the only noise left is his staggering breathing.

Slowly, Roman peers over his shoulder at you, eyes puffy and red with mascara practically dripping down his chin. 

A gasp draws from you, against your will, at the sight. 

Roman makes some strangled throat-clearing sounds before trying to speak. 

“Oh, hey-” 

“Nope, none of that,” Virgil is across the room in two strides, effortlessly taking the lead in this situation. You can’t push yourself any further into the room, but you do shut the door behind you. Probably best not to involve any of the more unpredictable sides in what was sure to be an… emotionally charged discussion. 

Roman looks absolutely mortified, jolting up from his chair and backing into the wall like a cornered animal. With distance between himself and Virgil reestablished, he then buries his face in his hands. He trembles like a leaf caught in the wind of fall, and he’d probably crumble just as easily. 

Many times in your life, you’ve wished that you couldn’t feel. You even had yourself convinced that you couldn’t, for a while there. Now, all you wish is to know how to feel correctly. You’re meant to know things, Logan, aren’t you?

“Alright, so I’ve been having a bit of a rough time,” Roman’s voice cracks and wavers when he speaks, “It’s just writer’s block. Sure, I got a tad bit frustrated- but I’ll be back on track in no time, I promise! You needn’t concern yourself with my momentary lapse, I’ll have a new story for you by Saturday at the latest!” 

He’s looking at you. Virgil is standing right next to him, but he’s looking at you, all the way across the room. He’s trying to… appease you? Reason with you? Give you what he thinks you want?

Say something, Logan.

“You need to take a break, Ro,” Virgil’s voice slips back to normal, “C’mon, you’re overworking yourself,” he tries to be nonchalant, but it’s obvious just how concerned he is. You can hardly blame him. When he reaches his hand out, Roman recoils, showing his face enough to see the guilt written across it. 

You need to say something, goddammit. 

“I can’t just ‘take a break’,” he spits, “I can’t stop now. I need to get this done first- I’ll stop when I finally do this properly. So, maybe never, right?” He laughs, horrible and twisted, and he looks at you because he’s really, truly asking you. Is he really expecting you to agree? Is that the impression you’ve left him with? 

You say something.

“This is all my fault.”

Clearly, neither of them expected that. You press on.

“Your worth as a side-” no, not quite right, “-Your worth as a person is not measured solely by your productivity. I know we’ve talked before about the damages of excessive perfectionism, but I know I may not have been effective in ‘showing not telling’ that your ideas don’t need to be flawless. My harshness. My Coldness. I thought I was doing better, but obviously... I was wrong.” Again. 

Virgil looks half-way to anger, but it’s unclear what he’s directing it towards. You aren’t sure of anything right now, really, except for the general upset tugging at your stomach.

“L, no, if this is anybody’s fault- it’s mine,” he turns to Roman, and what. “I didn’t know how hard you were taking all this. Dude, I had no idea. But I owe you an apology, I have for a while, for making fun of you about your insecurity. Like, kind of a lot. Long after you stopped doing it to me. Honestly, I can’t believe that I didn’t realize how much it was actually getting to you.”

“What? Virgil, I truly appreciate what you are trying to do, but I was clearly the one who pushed Roman too far,” you find the courage to step a little closer as you argue Virgil’s point, spurred on by how ridiculous you find this exchange.

“Well, I mocked his sensitivities. This is my responsibility!”

“But you didn’t know you were doing that- I acted like I didn’t care for him, and now he thinks I don’t! I am doubtlessly the one to blame.”

Virgil looks ready to snap back, and you’d be just as ready to retort, but a quiet sniffle alerts both of your attention to the matter still at hand. Roman, standing back against the wall, growing increasingly bewildered. He’s still crying, a surprisingly open display for a prideful trait such as himself, but you get the impression that he simply can’t hold it back anymore. You can see him squirm under Virgil’s and your gazes.

“It- It’s nice, that you both are attempting to take the blame for my failings, but you don’t have to. I can figure this out for myself. Then, I’ll finally prove myself to you, and no one will need to worry about anything. Which is why I need to keep working.” 

“You have proven yourself to me,” Virgil darts from the desk to Roman. He grabs the trait’s ink-stained arm, gaze fierce and unyielding. 

“Why, then,” Roman mutters, eyes downcast, “doesn’t it feel like I have?”

“I never tried to do right by you. Like you did for me.” 

You watch them sway, awkward, and finally, finally push movement into your legs. You step to Roman’s other side, much slower. It probably appears to be deliberate, but in truth you just feel unsure. You place your hand on his shoulder in a way that is hopefully comforting.

“The same, in a different sense, is true for myself. But if you would allow us to make it up to you…?” you aren’t sure where to go from there. Virgil nods, though, granting you a hint of pride. You don’t quite buy it when he says he’s part of the problem, but you’d rather not start any arguments at this particular moment. 

Roman won’t look at either of you for longer than a second, like he’s not sure if you’re serious. Just so he knows that you are, you gesture to your necktie, giving him the tiniest smile. 

He buckles to the ground immediately, a mess of sobs, the both of you letting yourself be dragged along. He clings to Virgil, and you try to keep an arm around him as well. He needs all the support he can get, really. 

“I-I’m so so-rry, I don’t- I-” 

Virgil shushes him and shoots you a deeply concerned look: This is really bad. I’m not letting him go. You rub Roman’s back as he shakes and return your friend’s gaze with a nod: I’m not either. We’re going to help him. Don’t worry. 

The three of you sit there for what feels like hours as he cries, and cries, and cries. None of you say a word, letting him get it all out. You let him hold onto you- you hold him as well, because you’re nearly as dismayed and unsure as he is. 

But eventually, you need to talk. Once he finally settles, his head resting against your collar and his legs splayed across Virgil’s lap, it’s you who gets the proverbial ball rolling.

“You already know that overworking yourself leads to exhaustion, which in turn leads to an overall drop in productivity and quality of work,” Roman’s eyes fill with guilt, but you’re quick to elaborate, “but that isn’t at all my primary concern. I won’t carry on acting like it is for a moment longer, now that I see how it’s hurting you. Hurting you is something I would never intend. You mean so much to me. There are so many arguments I could use to convince you why you need to give yourself a break, but I’ll settle with this: a hypothetical ‘perfect story’ is not worth your suffering, and it never will be.” 

Roman looks up at you, once more crying, so that was probably a very unhelpful thing to say. But he leans into you and hugs you close, recontextualizing his emotional display. Relief washes over you. 

“Thank you, Logan.”

Virgil clears his throat.

“I know I’m not as, um, articulate as Lo is, but- for what it’s worth- I care about you, too, and all.”

You stretch out the arm that you had around Roman’s back, pulling Virgil into the hug. Roman lets out a shuddering breath from where he’s cradled between the both of you. It’s the deep, relieved breath that means the sobbing is through with, leaving only tired eyes and silence. 

It is at this point of alleviated tension that the uncomfortable nature of the floor begins irking you. Like hell you and Virgil would live Creativity alone like this, so after brief deliberation you stand to move as a unit. An amoeba of facets making their way down the hall, in a manner likely comical (though thankfully no one is around to see). Your room is the optimal place to rest, as it eases emotions and calms overthinking minds, even if it is a little chilly. 

You let your fellow traits drop down onto the couch, passing Roman the TV remote. Yes, whatever you like to watch, you inform him. Yes, really, anything, you confirm, waving your hand to conjure some blankets for them. The smile he gives you, though small, is enough to boost your hopes considerably. 

You really can’t fix everything- at least not immediately. But perhaps, with Virgil to fill in your gaps, you’ll be able to make things right for the Prince. 

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>>

So looking after this insecure dumbass is totally your job now. Said dumbass, of course, disagrees strongly; he tells you he’s doing better, and thanks so much for the one afternoon of help, Virgil, but he can totally take it from here. You do not give a single shit about what Roman claims, because he is very obviously lying, because he doesn’t want to be a burden. Yeah, as if. 

You’re taking care of that idiot if it kills you.

Thankfully, Logan is on the same page as you (proverbial page, as he would specify). It almost surprised you that he didn’t make himself scarce as soon as he told you about the situation, but it’s certainly a pleasant surprise to have him by your side in this. Roman needs all the help he can get, and you can’t think of anyone better.

The pair of you only begrudgingly leave him alone after a sufficient several hours of Comfort Time, retreating to the hall so he can rest. He looked so fuckin’ tired, face a dull red and eyes puffy, but he was smiling. You count it as a temporary win. 

The first thing that you do, naturally, is slam your back against the wall and let yourself slide down to the floor out of sheer emotional exhaustion. 

Logan sits next to you, much less aggressively. It’s a nice gesture, considering how he absolutely despises sitting on the ground and this is the second time he’s had to do it in one day. You glance at him from the corner of your eye. He keeps trying to say something, before clamping back down on it. You bump your shoulder against his, telling him that whatever it is, you’re listening. 

“I feel-” which is already a testament to how serious he’s taking the situation- “horrible.”

“Yeah, same- I mean, big mood- no, that’s worse, fuck-” you take a deep breath, hitting your head back against the wall, “I mean, me too. So, at least there’s that, right?” 

Logan shoots you one of his patented Microscopic Smiles.

“I suppose that counts for something, yes.” 

You manage a laugh, leaning even more against your friend. You’ve got a whole contradictory bundle of feelings coiled up in your chest, and it sucks, but also it’s a relief, but also it’s the worst thing ever. You exhale slowly, your eyes falling shut. 

“I don’t wanna leave him alone, ya know?”

“I know. We’ve done all we can do for now, though.”

“I guess.”

“I’m just glad he let us help at all.”

  “Well, assuming we did help. Who knows, we could’ve made him feel a million times worse by confronting him, and now-”

He cuts off your spiraling immediately. 

“But we didn’t. He clearly needed intervention by that point. Besides, If we’d been making it worse, it’s unlikely he would’ve let us stay for so long. Nor would he have accepted your plan of ‘helping him deal with all this shit from now on, no matter what he says.’”

“Right,” you take another deep breath, “You’re right.”

“I usually am.” 

You elbow Logan in the side, playfully. He smiles again, wider and brighter in a way that most others probably wouldn’t notice. It could, from some angles, in the right lighting, possibly maybe be considered a little bit pretty. Not that you think about things like that, of course, that would just be weird. 

You stop leaning so heavily against Logan, only to find how much your back hurts from sitting in the hall. Come to think of it, the hall might not be the best place to calm down from emotionally charged interactions. The only issue is that your room is literally the exact opposite of a good place to chill out right now, and you’re reluctant to move.

“Hey, uh, would it be okay if I- like, my room isn’t the best for times like this, and I-”

Logan’s  already standing, taking your arm to help you up. 

“Come on. I’ll set up the Planetarium for us.” 

“Thanks,” God, you’re thankful for somebody like him. Such a simple word, when you aren’t crazy about spelling out all of the gratitude and nervous tension that lays behind it, and he picks up on the layers perfectly. He gets it- he gets you. 

Things will be okay. 

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>>

Once upon a time (ha), you felt appreciated. Of course you did, else how would you remember it so vividly? How would you long for it so desperately? Yes, you can safely say that you, Roman Sanders, had once been cared for. But that was countless screw-ups ago, before hundreds of your careless insults, your many vicious words followed by weak apologies and unchanging ways. The distant past of a disgraced royal- one far too imperfect, far too cruel to be forgiven without first proving himself time and time again. 

That’s what you’d thought, anyway. When you expressed such beliefs to other sides for the first time, just a few mornings after said sides comforted you in the midst of a breakdown, they told you it was the stupidest thing they’d ever heard. Direct quote from Virgil. 

It was stupid, apparently, because you were forgiven so very long ago, and you are actually considered to be better now than you were then. It shakes you up inside to think about. In a good way, for once. 

They hover around you almost always, offering you plenty more of those somewhat aggressive reassurances whenever you give the vaguest hint of self-deprecation. You were sure they’d brush it under the rug after those first few days, perhaps even tease you about it, but it seemed that was completely false. It’s been a good week. 

They’re with you this very morning, chatting idly while you wait for the kettle to shriek. You let the drone of Logan’s voice wash over you as you finish fixing your tea. You don’t believe all of their reassurances just yet, but God are you trying. You want it to be true- more than you’ve ever wanted anything- when Logan says their care is unconditional, or Virgil says that he likes spending so much time with you. 

You turn around, the mug in your hands warm against your chest, and stare at the sides on the couch. The three of you are in your corner of the Mindscape; they had already invited themselves in when you awoke. You quite like that they do that- you still aren’t sure how to express that you want to be with them, without prompting. You would feel clingy. Greedy.

“Thank you,” you settle down Virgil, smiling groggily. He waves his hand dismissively. 

“Don’t worry about it, man. What’s on the agenda for today?” 

That’s another thing. It’s not all crying and hugging, Lord knows how old that would get- but they just end up hanging out with you. Sometimes it’s just Logan, if Virgil’s having an off day, or sometimes it’s the opposite, when Logan’s particularly busy, but you really like it best when it’s the three of you. 

That didn’t used to be unusual; you used to spend all of your time surrounded by all of your family (or most, in light of recent acceptances), laughing and joking and working all together. Then, slowly, you stopped, just as things became more complicated for everyone. Camaraderie was a waste of valuable time, time that could be used coming up with ideas that would finally be good enough. They got the hint easily enough, allowing you to isolate yourself until you were perfect for them. 

No, you aren’t thinking about that right now! It isn’t the time to worry about how this will all have to end eventually. You’ll have to think about it soon, but not now, dammit!

You swing back a sip of scalding cinnamon tea, letting it clear both your throat and your mind. 

“I have a wonderful idea for today!” You puff your chest out and straighten your back. In actuality, you haven’t had a ‘wonderful’ idea in ages, but you hope the confident stance will give you one. 

It doesn’t. Logan notices this. 

“I sincerely hope that this is not yet another attempt to ‘cure’ your writer’s block and attempt to get ‘back on task’?” he chides you. You falter, letting the regal pose fall away. Logan tells you that what you need is rest. You do not want to rest. But you don’t want to get lectured, either.

“I do not have any ideas for today. Or in general,” you grind out, the second part tacked on bitterly. You don’t look at them, even as Virgil knocks your elbow with his. 

“Good, that means you can come play Scrabble with us.”

The hesitance must show on your face, because Logan sighs and adds:

“I will allow you to use your original- completely nonsense, meaningless, irrational- words, if butchering the English language makes the game more fun for you.” 

Now that. That is a tempting offer. You really would be a fool to pass it up. 

You might as well indulge yourself this much, for however longer they’re willing to let you. It’ll be a nice memory to draw from when you do get back to work.

 Good God, your ribs hurt. You can’t breathe.

“I’m just saying, you can’t prove that the earth is round,” Virgil claims, staring mischievously across the table at Logan. Logan fumes. It is fucking hysterical.

“That’s ridiculous! Putting aside the overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary for a moment, you can literally see the curve of the earth on the horizon!” 

“Uhh, it looks pretty flat to me. I’m not buying your government propaganda, Lo,” Virgil’s very clearly trying not to chuckle, and his resolve is impressive. You’ve already been reduced to unintelligible cackling at their interaction. This exchange has brought the progress on the jigsaw puzzle you’d been solving together to a screeching halt, but you couldn’t care less. 

“What do you mean ‘propaganda’?! This is common knowledge!”

Virgil cracks, bursting into raucous laughter. He grabs onto your arm as gravelly chuckles escape him, the both of you scrambling to keep upright. Logan narrows his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. 

“Unbelievable. Infuriating. Intolerable, the both of you.”

You compose yourself just enough to stick your tongue out at him teasingly, before hunching right back over into your giggle fit.

Then, you notice it as it happens. The aggravated expression etched across Logan’s face shifts, but he keeps staring at you. It’s inscrutable, and also weird. 

“What’re you looking at?” you challenge, voice broken up by subsiding laughter. You turn your head to Virgil, as if to say wow, what a nerd, huh?, only to find him staring at you with much the same expression. 

“Guys? Is something the matter?”

“It’s nothing,” Anxiety amends.

“I’m sure we were both just caught off guard, is all,” Logic adds, his attention redirected from you to the carpet hastily.

“In a good way, though. It’s nice to see you smile- ugh, that sounds so weird, I just meant- it’s been a long time since you’ve. Done that.”

You blink, taken aback, only to feel the dull ache in your face. You reach a hand up, pressing a finger to the corner of your upturned lips. It really has been a while since you’ve laughed like this, hasn’t it? 

A selfish, malicious creature that stalks around in your chest tells you to stop smiling. If you’re happy it means that their job is done, then you’ll be all alone again. Is that what you want, Roman? 

You almost listen to it. Before-

“Don’t think that I’ve forgotten what you said just because Roman laughed, V.”

“Nah, you never forget anything, O keeper of memories,” Virgil flicks a puzzle piece at Logan, smirking just enough to show off his sharp teeth. 

“Stop.”

“Stop what?” he flicks another puzzle piece. Logan’s face twitches in what is either a barely suppressed smile or a grimace, but likely a combination of the two. When Virgil finally aims a piece to hit his face, he snaps, throwing little bits of the jigsaw back at the anxious trait.

“Wow, L, you’re really just throwing away all our progress like that? Tsk, tsk.”

“I will end you,” he lands one smack on Virgil’s nose, earning a hiss. The puzzle continues to be destroyed by their squabble. 

You don’t think you could stop yourself from beaming at them, even if you wanted to. Toothy, confident, amused- oh, how you’ve missed this.

How you’ve all missed this.

 It hits you with the swiftness of a bullet, right when you least expect it. You’re just sitting in the living room, idly sketching as you half-watch TV with Patton beside you on the couch. You offer a laugh when he pipes up with a pun based on whatever’s on screen, but your mind is far elsewhere.

You’ve got an idea. A really good one. 

You’ve filled up a page with mindless doodling while the thought was still forming, for fear of jumping on it too suddenly and losing the inspiration, but you find it solid as you continue to mentally examine it. Perhaps a bit overeager, you flip the page, scrawling excited concept sketches across the thick, rough paper. The details flow and evolve in your mind’s eye, and it becomes something of a struggle to hold back your creative aura from infecting the common area. 

That confident smile, one you’ve been wearing more and more often these past few weeks, graces your face once more. The semi-subconscious expression brings a memory from just nights ago: Logan told you that your face was built to wear such a grin (‘Speaking architecturally, of course,’ he cleared his throat awkwardly, ‘The form that you’ve chosen for yourself is suited to it. Objectively.’). 

You find your smiling widening, just as it had when he first told you. 

So caught up in your art, half-listening to Patton, and also vaguely following along with the show he’s watching- you don’t even glance up when Virgil rises up and seats himself at the arm of the couch. It’s the way he huffs a laugh at something Morality says that first catches your attention, and suddenly he’s got all of it. 

“Virgil!” 

He grimaces at the volume, tilting his head to look at you. 

“Something got you excited, Ro?” 

“I’ve got a story! That is to say, I’ve got a premise, but also characters! Look- it’s- come here, let me show you what I’m drawing, it’s easier than explaining,” you chatter happily, shuffling your way to Virgil’s perch. You hold your sketchbook out to him and jump into explanations.

The drawing is messy, and not nearly finished, but it’s you and it’s good and it’s new. It’s a scene- heavily annotated to explain some of the more abstract concepts in the image- depicting an ent-like creature towering over a young woman, who holds a flower crown up to him. You tell Virgil about the story based around the two, some of the major plot points already planting themselves in your brain. You inform him that it just came to you, and you’ve got so many different ideas for what these two will do, what will happen to them, and how they’ll get out of it all. When you look up from your rambling, all the excitement slips off your face. It’s replaced by awe. 

Virgil is grinning, showing a good deal more of his fangs than he usually likes to, enthusiasm dancing in his eyes. You’ve never seen him emote that much ever, not for any purpose. You would be lying if you said that those huge chompers weren’t at least a little hot. 

“Okay, I totally wanna hear more, but pause for a sec. I gotta get Lo, ’kay?” And with that, he’s gone as quickly as he arrived, pausing only to toss the sketchbook back to you. You twist around, eyes wide with shock, to find Patton smiling softly at you. 

“You saw that, too, right? Or have I gone mad?” you ask him, earning a chuckle.

“I think Virge is proud of you,” he shuts the TV off as he talks, moving to stand, “I am, too! It sounds really cute!”

“Thank you,” Patton arches up to stretch, tossing the remote down on the couch. “-Er, where are you off to?”

“I think I’ll let you three have the living room, to talk all about your story.” 

“I’d hardly mind if you wanted to hear about it!”

His eyes dart to the side, an awkward smile stretching across his face. His noticeably pink face.

“Oh, I- I was planning on spending some time with Jan today. I was about to take off, anyhow.”

“Aah,” you start sketching again, if only to spare Patton your wolfish grin, “Well, if you’ve already got plans.”

He gives you a tiny wave, sinking out immediately. Thus leaving you alone with your thoughts. Fuck. 

It crosses your mind that- now you have an idea to work on, an idea you’re proud of- your slump is over. The creative block has been cured. Logan and Virgil won’t need to coddle you anymore. 

Your hand ghosts over the paper, and for a second you consider tearing it up. Pretending you lost the spark, pretending you need more time and help and companionship. Guilt rises in you at even the thought of being so selfish, the doubts and worries overpowering your former giddiness completely. 

You can’t imagine anything worse than that brilliant smile Virgil gave you turning to disappointment, if you pretended to lose your inspiration. Or the disdain that would surely flash in Logan’s eyes at having his work interrupted for absolutely nothing. Plus, if you did so, what’s to stop them deeming you a lost cause and abandoning you anyway? 

If you’re being honest, you need approval more than anything. And dear God, it is so close. You have to tell them, and hold on to whatever scraps of praise it earns you before the three of you revert back to normal. You’ll fall back into seclusion, as that seems to be one of the few things you’re good at, and they can actually get back to their own existences. 

There’s a whoosh behind you. You spin around, forcing the tension out of your shoulders. 

“Well hello there!”

“I want to hear about your story,” Logan cuts straight to the point. You couldn’t care less about his bland bluntness because he is watching at you in a way so unbearably fond. They both are. You push your reservations down and present him with your sketches, diving into what you’ve come up with so far (plus a few extra points off the top of your head, which isn’t an uncommon method for how you develop plotlines). 

When you’ve finished, not quite as exuberantly as earlier, Logan continues with the theme of surprising the fuck out of you that this day has established. 

He settles a hand on your upper arm, but really he might as well have swept you up in a hug. You blanch, the touch fuzzing up your brain, just like it has been doing so often now and God you don’t want to lose this. 

“I told you so,” he sounds playful.

“What?” you question, vaguely dazed.

“I think that L’s saying we were right about you just needing a break. Seems like the rest cleared up your burnout pretty well,” Virgil loops around to your other side, patting your shoulder awkwardly. 

The euphoria from being touched is broken once you actually manage to process the words.

“Oh! Right, yeah, I'm- I'm so excited to get back to work!”

Logan removes his hand and you burn cold. 

“No, you aren't,” you hear his confusion, like he's trying to unravel why that could possibly be and wow you are not as good an actor as you’d hoped. “What's upsetting you?”

You try to say that it's nothing, but your voice pitches up embarrassingly. You clear your throat, but you can't make yourself maintain eye-contact anymore.

“Dude, you can tell us what's up. Are you just overwhelmed?” Anxiety is worried and caring in a way you didn't know he was capable of and it hurts worse because you don't know how to tell him that you're just selfish. But you knew this was coming- and you aren't going to make these two waste their concerns on you any longer. The problem has been solved, Roman, get that through your skull! 

“I- I suppose I'm just- I’m lamenting the end of this. It’s unimportant.”

“You are upset about the end of your writer's block?” Logan tips his head to the side and gives you a bemused look. Frustration stabs at your skin.

“No! That's a good thing, obviously it's a good thing- I'm saying that I'm going to miss… I mean, I'd gotten used to spending time with you. The both of you,” Virgil's eyebrows shoot up, Logan squints at you, so you backpedal like there's no damn tomorrow.

“See? It was stupid, I know I can't always have all the attention, any-”

“You're right, that is stupid,” Virgil cuts you off with a grumble. You must deflate visibly, though, because his voice softens, “That you think we aren't gonna hang out with you, I mean.”

You feel something. You think it’s hope. It almost feels foreign- unbelievable, even. 

“What?” a murmur, too small and doubting for you to associate with it, though it must be yours. Pathetic.

Logan leans forward, as though he's studying you. Good God, who let him be so tall?

“Were you under the impression that we were going to cease contact with you once you resumed productivity?”

“Wha- I mean- when you say it like that it sounds… bad.”

“It would be bad. It would also be incredibly manipulative; being kind to you only so as to get you back in working order, rather than being kind to you to provide genuine help.”

Virgil nods his agreement.

“Yeah, you aren't getting rid of us that easy, Romano.”

You recall the first Big Conversation you had with the two left-brained sides. They'd insisted to help you, despite your lack of understanding in the beginning why they'd do so. Similarly to that talk, this is filling you with an almost painful fondness, almost too much to bear.

“But, you already helped me, just like you said you would!”

“Why did we help you, Roman?” Logan inquires, in a way that makes you feel like you should know the answer. You do not. 

“Because you were worried about me?”

“Why would we be worried?”

“Because you… felt bad for me?”

He groans, tapping Virgil on the shoulder. The anxious facet rolls his eyes.

“You're our friend and we care about you, stupid.”

You clear your throat, attempting to say that you knew that (even if that isn’t entirely true), but Logan interrupts you. 

“In case it wasn’t clear why, allow us to explain: one, as I’ve stated before and will likely state again, we don’t value you for your ability to create alone.”

“Two,” Virgil cuts in, “You’re, like, fun to be around. Way less stiff than us, and honestly we probably need that.”

“Three, we were never opposed to being around you even before the- this. You claimed to like being alone. And I’ll admit I’m not the best with subtext.” 

Virgil looks ready to add a fourth. You don’t let him, waving your hands wildly. If you verbalized what you meant to convey, you’d definitely start sobbing, and that’s just embarrassing. Thankfully, Anxiety seems to pick up what you’re laying down, giving you a moment to collect yourself. You take a few breaths and try to pretend that you aren’t being watched like a hawk.

Aaaand you’re already crying. That’s probably the point of no return, isn’t it? 

“Ha, and I thought that you two weren’t the sentimental ones,” the effect of your teasing is ruined by how much your voice wavers, “You’re just big softies, aren’t you?”

Logan’s expression is caught somewhere between concern and confusion.

“You are quite literally sobbing? How are we-”

“Shut up,” you retort. The effect is once again ruined when he comfortingly pats your back and you absolutely fall against him. 

“Wow, again? You’re really set on making a habit out of this,” Virgil hovers uncomfortably apart from the set of you, eventually landing on wrapping an arm around you. And it’s so him, that you can’t help the little chuckle that breaks through your crying. You really have been doing this a lot more than you’d like lately. 

“I- I’m okay,” you stammer, “I’m good- this is- just- I’m relieved. Why am I crying? I’m happy!” 

“It’s alright, man.”

“Yes, take as long as you need.”

You tear yourself away from them, scrubbing at your eyes, but grinning all the same. Your skin burns, you’re shivering, but you’re sick of clinging to them and crying and the desperation that tugs at you. You feel so many things, but there’s one that’s overpowering, one thing that’s so familiar and has been so distant. It’s a blur, a mash, but it goes something like this:

The people you care about, that you work so hard for- they aren’t going anywhere. No conditions. Logan repeats it plenty, Virgil shows it to you quietly, but only now-

Now you believe them. You feel looked after. Cared for. If you’re being bold, you could even say loved. 

You feel secure. 

“Thank you,” for being there, staying there, helping you, everything. You can’t thank them enough for everything.

Virgil shrugs. 

“You’re worth it.”

[malexfan10]

Vlamis, Malex & Roswell drama

Hope everyone in California is doing OK after the earthquake and aftershocks. 

This is kind of long. Sorry in advance!

So yesterday was one of those days. I was disappointed like many others but now a day has passed. Let’s just step back and take a deep breath. If we get ourselves completely torn up every time something new like this podcast comes out, we won’t last the month let alone the next 6 or through next season!

M&M is happening. I don’t like it. You don’t like it. None of us likes it. But it’s happening & there’s nothing we can do but suffer through. Some may choose to step away, others may choose to brave it out. Understandable either way.

Regarding the latest podcast, Vlamis called Alex a dick and thinks we’ll all fall in love with Candy.  

OK, first point. We will not fall in love with Candy. Sorry, Vlamis, but no matter how hard you or Carina try, we’re not getting on the bitter Candy bandwagon and here’s why:

- the buildup/foundation simply sucked

- the deep feelings sprang out of nowhere

- the story in general was a mess

- no one in their late twenties/early thirties indulges in love triangles (it’s not Gossip Girl or OTH for God’s sake)

- they’re dragging Alex under the bus to let M&M shine

Those above, plus others, are all reasons why we don’t support M&M and won’t fall in love with them either. We’re in too deep with Malex at this point. They’re permanently cemented in our hearts and there’s no going back (unless there’s some major character assassination of Guerin next year where we just won’t want Alex with him anymore). But we’re not there yet! Malex all the way!

Him calling Alex a dick was sad to hear. All of these characters have suffered in their own ways on the show. Isobel’s very foundation was rocked by Noah. She was violated and used. Kyle discovered his father not only had another child but was involved in the alien conspiracies as well. Liz discovered why her sister really died and who was involved covering it up. What she and her father endured in the wake of Rosa’s death was heartbreaking. Michael felt abandoned his whole life, first through foster care and then by the one person he truly loved. Alex having reasons to leave are a separate point – it doesn’t negate the fact that Michael was still left heartbroken. Let’s not forget Caulfield.  Finally, there’s Alex. The boy who was bullied, suffered through parental abuse, homophobia, ultimately forced into choosing a life in the military as his only escape, experienced years of war, became disabled and most likely has PTSD only to come back to his hometown and discover the man he loved was not human at all. Ran out of breath just writing that! 

To say that Alex has suffered greatly on this show is an understatement and to label the way he works through his trauma as dickish behavior is grating. People deal with trauma in different ways. Some shut down, detach themselves from anything remotely emotional in an effort to cope. Others talk through their problems with people they trust or professionals. Some lash out, others swallow their pain. We can’t blame someone for the way they handle and react to trauma as everyone experiences it differently. For Vlamis to call Alex a dick…I really wish he hadn’t said that. Words can be hurtful and leave bad impressions and both of his comments have done that (toxic is the other).

But do I think Vlamis should be “cancelled” or ostracized by the fandom because of a few choice words? No, I don’t. Sometimes our words run away from us. Calling the Malex relationship “toxic” and Alex a “dick” were both regrettable and insensitive. But should the man be dragged over hot coals because of it? I don’t think so. 

We have to remember that M&M is happening whether we like it or not. It’s the showrunner’s choice. We don’t agree with it. In fact, we actively dislike it but it’s happening none the less. Carina has shown us that this is her show (which I can understand, to a degree) and that her opinion is the only one that counts (I vehemently disagree). He has to promote what’s happening with his character. That part’s understandable as much as I detest the storyline. I just wish he would use a bit more tact when he speaks next time.

But I do think it comes down to not realizing what he says may leave a bad impression. I don’t think he’s a bad person. In fact, I think he’s rather lovely. Remember, he’s still that same adorable curly haired guy who keeps giving us these amazing Vlamburn moments. Just a few days ago, we had that “date” and “Tyler, will you hold my hand”. He’s loveable. Just perhaps someone should advise him to consider his words before he speaks and maybe sometimes put a cork in it!  Do I agree with him labeling Alex as a dick? No, nope, nada. Do I think the Malex relationship was toxic? I hate that word because of the negative connotations connected with it. But in the end, he’s still one half of a pairing I love with all my heart. I may not agree with some things he’s said or some of the character’s actions, but no one’s perfect, him included. 

Can I just add, it’s uncool to attack an actor on Twitter or some other platform. We can disagree with things people say, have mature discussions and provide criticism without swearing them out. We’ve been burnt before and don’t appreciate the run around, being lied to or having a carrot dangled in front of us. But we can also express our opinions in a more eloquent manner because ultimately, that’s how we want Malex and the Malex fandom to be seen. 

They can keep trying to paint Alex as the bad guy to prop Candy but look out, writers! It’s having the exact opposite effect! We’re standing even more united for Alex Manes and yes, Malex as well. 

So try to hang in there! Don’t let this show stress you out. We fell in love with Malex for many reasons. Let’s keep remembering what those reasons are. Let’s remember all the amazing Vlamburn content we’ve had. Let’s continue to use social media to show our dislike for this narrative, for M&M, for our irritation of Alex shouldering the blame. Hopefully, the more we discuss it, the more the writers will finally understand. Let’s also hope that Vlamis, as loveable as he is, takes a step back and realizes that words can have consequences and alienating the majority of the fandom to promote his latest storyline can be hurtful to his fans and ultimately not the best move.

Finally, one other thing that’s really annoying me is all the Malex moments going to M&M. Vlamis said something about him wanting to “play guitar for this woman” or some other nonsense. What happened to that moment being for Michael only? You can’t see me, but I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now! 

UFO Emporium, guitar...all these moments going to M&M and he thinks we’re going to fall in love with Candy? Buddy, love you, but what kind of Kool-Aid are you drinking? You guys are just giving us more reasons NOT to like them! 

Fingers crossed these next few months go smoother than the ones we’ve had since April. I keep thinking that once Tyler starts interviewing and promoting, we’ll feel more at ease. Also, what is this, the Guerin & Candy show? Why is no one else interviewing, like let’s say Jeanine? Is she not the main character? Didn’t Max die? LOL

P.S. On a totally different note, I recently started watching Shameless. 9 seasons have aired and season 10 is coming soon. Let me just say that I fell in love with Mickey Milkovich and Gallavich (Mickey & Ian). Not sure if anyone has watched the show but man, was I blown away. One of the best character arcs I have honestly ever seen was crafted for Mickey. Hate the showrunners for the terrible writing towards the end (what else is new) but at least the characters had a mini reunion last season & both are coming back next year. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend it!

[kurtty-drabbles]

Ocean au (part 6 act I)

N/A: The plan is in motion. Remember, two plot twists here. This is more for me than for you, reader.

@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling @bamfoftheundead

If there´s one word in all English vocabulary to describe this party right now it would be: grandiose, however, if you ask to Wanda Maximoff she would gladly tell that the word here is “pretentious” as the lights, the food and the music are in poor taste if you dare to ask White Witch about it. Wanda is nothing if a professional so she can pretend to enjoy herself alone as if she´s indeed having fun.

Columbina was right as Emma Frost seems really taken by Wanda´s presence and let her guard down or is what it seems. Right now, Emma is talking about her last trip to a familiar country that White Witch pretends to not know.

Ah, so that´s how she got those diamonds.

Meanwhile, a few miles away, the waitstaffs are getting more champagne to serve to the guest, of course, Emma Frost spares no expenses and of course, Lorna infiltrate in the list of employees and add two more.

Gwen Stacy did an excellent job as right now Jubilee is looking at the surface of an empty trail and can´t reconize her own face. As she puts the trail down to put the champagne she notices Kokoro Braddock dancing merrily with Angel. She never saw Kokoro that happy before…granted, Jubilee siding with Ryder, in the end, may have burned some bridges in regards the older woman, but, still is nice to see her so happy.

“Kiddo? Are you still here with us?” Felica asked in a fun tone “if you continue looking to a telepath she´ll read your mind” she mocks but her tone is serious enough to snap Jubilee from her muses.

“Felicia…how did you know…our kitten friend?”

“Oh, I used to do many jobs here and there and I saw her. She´s the best on what she does, kiddo, but, she has a big heart…which stills marvels me that she is in this profession” the two waitstaff have champgne ready and convenitonyl serve someto Kokoro blocking her view of Wanda Maximoff talking with Emma Frost. They didn´t block her view to Loki through. _______________________________________________________________________

The Norwegian man and his secretary (oh Amora loves to play with her nationality, she can be french if she wants or can be Danish and no one can´t say otherwise) are certainly here to dress to depress and as the gaze of many women and men can prove…the pair is being successful.

Loki frozen once saw one of the deadliest women of JLX coming to her way along with her boyfriend. Warren Angel may be a funny joke and meme for some but Loki knows that you don´t pick a fight with someone that can fly and sherd you to pieces(even now as his powers is cut 90%). “Amora, dear, be cool” is what he whisper to her as the couple is coming closer.

“Loki, I´ve heard about you” Angel replies in a semi-hostile tone. Loki is not a serial killer nor he wishes to rule the world, but, in his endeavours to have a comfortable life he did make enemies, steal, lie and killed one person at some point so yes the JLX is not very happy with Loki even if his goals are to live as rich as possible.

“Nothing good, I hope” Loki jokes back and introduces his lovely secretary but Kokoro has a smug smile on her beautiful face. “Nice try, but, I can read minds, and I know her name is Amora and she´s your minion” Amora resent that. “And I wonder…why you leave Norway to be at this party?”

“Oh, you get me!” Loki confessed. “in reality, me and Amora are in a relationship and I want to buy her one of Emma´s diamonds…are you going to tell me that is illegal here?”

Kokoro does not look convinced and neither is her boyfriend, but, no one wants to cause a scene …yet. As Loki and Amora leave as if nothing happened she almost stomp on his feet. “in a relationship? Really?!”

“Oh sorry, you wanna me to return and explain to Kokoro we´re not dating and we´re here to do illegal stuff?”

“Next time…I do the cover, by the way, is everything ready for the plan?”

Now Loki smiles and nods looking at his watch. “Columbina is nothing if a professional” _______________________________________________________________________________

Power, money and sex are magic words if you want to convince Sebastian Shaw to do your bidding and Emma Frost is an expert in speaking Sebastian Shaw´s language. Lately, Emma is getting a lot of diamonds and money and Sebastian is getting a nice paycheck to serve as a motor boy and deliver those diamonds to the shops.

Not a glamorous job, yet, the paycheck is perfect and sometimes Emma pays him in other ways that really make him love his work. Sure, ever since the JLX ladies and socialite Gwen Stacy made such campaign many people are cutting ties with Emma Frost´s diamond, still, no one can say no to her diamonds.

“I thought all women love diamonds” Sebastian mutters to himself smoking his cigar and now is ready to take the diamonds to its location, when, Emma Frost shows up. Sebastian is not really caring why she´s here (didn´t she have a fancy party to attend?) as Emma is wearing little as possible and Sebastian can smirk as he can guess Emma wants some fun.

“Wanna second round after all?” Sebastian asked and Emma offers a sultry smile. “Maybe, but, I have a direct order for you…those diamonds stay here for tonight, got it?”

Sebastian is ready to take his pants off when his cellphone rings and it went voice mail.  "Shaw?“ is Emma´s voice on the cellphone "Shaw? don´t forget to deliver the diamonds tonight, you lazy bun” and Shaw has no time to process what happened as the fake knock him down easily.

The cellphone continues to ring and Shaw answer and the real Emma Frost has no idea she´s talking with the fake Shaw.

___________________________________________________________________________

“So…how much does Emma Frost hates?” Columbina mutters to herself as she infiltrates in the security system of the diamonds. Fake Shaw delivers the diamonds alright…to their original point and is waiting for Columbina to take the rest.

“Lorna?” Columbina asked using her watch and once getting no answer rolls her eyes and tries again. “Oracle?”

“Oh, hello Columbina, what I can do for you?” Lorna´s tone is smug as always and she goes on about being her eyes and all that eloquent speech.

“Tell me about the newest security upgrade” Columbina is hovering in the air not letting the lasers touch her but it proves to be near impossible even for someone who is an acrobat to pass down through those lasers.

“Courtesy of our good friend Loki, those people really hate you, Columbina”

“Yeah, yeah, can you turn off?”

“Nope, but, I can give a space so you can walk with extra care”

“Ok is something”

She has to thank her lucky stars she has oracle and acrobats abilities and manages to pass down to the next level, until, she stumbles with magic itself, another courtesy of Loki to Emma Frost (“man…they hate you that much” “yeah, they do…any way to counter the magic?” “with science everything is possible” “don´t let Wanda hear you say that”) and now the diamonds are in her reach…except for one problem…

“Oracle, how many diamonds Emma had in this vault?”

“200, why?”

“Because the diamonds are multiplying right now… there are 400 diamonds if I’m not mistaken”

“ok…that´s new…better warm the others”

_____________________________________________________________________________

Jubilee and Felicia pass a piece of information to Wanda who is not happy with the results and is trying to contribute when someone else joins the conversation.

“I was hoping to catch you” Kokoro states calmly “Meggan, do you want to tell me why are you Wanda for tonight?” and looks at Jubilee and Felicia “and why two Waynes are working here?”

Wanda, now, Meggan has no time to offer an explanation time is against her in every way.

[fashion-noodle]

Voice Meme:  Itara Irispyre

Bold what applies to your muse italicize situational ones. Feel free to add your own suggestions and carry it on.

► ACCENT “country” │ “backwoods” │ “sailor” │ “noble” │ foreign speaker  | ishgardian | ul’dahn | gridanian | limsa lominsan | ala mhigan | garlean | thavnairian | dalmascan | doman | hingan  

Itara does the best she can to not have any accent at all.  But, when she’s been drinking (or is otherwise inibrated) it comes out.  And concidering her general state these days… that’s pretty much constantly.  The severity of the accent depends on the level of intoxication.  A mild buzz gets her with a slight country drawl, but once she starts getting properly sloshed she will start mushing words together like a really backwoods girl (full y'all'd've, style).  She’s also spent a significant amount of time in Limsa and around Pirates, so she can get a bit of that sort of inflection on some words, and has picked up a good deal of the slang.

► ELOQUENCE educated │ uneducated │ doesn’t use conjunctions │ shortens words │ just makes up their own words! │ old English │dependent on mood or setting

Itara doesn’t have a very expansive vocabulary and doesn’t often speak in a grammatically correct way (to the ever irritation of Grammerly).  She often mispronounces words (especially foreign words) or uses words with the wrong meanings. And as I mentioned before, she will straight up combine words to make new ones.

► TONE loud │ soft │ room volume │ high pitched │ low pitched │seductive │velvety │ speech impediment │ abrasive │ gruff │ shrill │ booming │ matter-of-fact │ toneless │ husky │gravelly │ breathy │ nasal │ barking │ chatty │ condescending │ musical │ suave │ world-weary │brash │ authoritative

Most are surprised when I tell them that Itara’s voice is supposed to be fairly… annoying.  She’s loud and shrill, and her voice tends more high pitched than the seductive velvety way most expect form a character like her. Especially her laugh.  We’ve all heard the woman laughing to loud at a restaurant and its like nails through the ears… That’s Itara.   And the drunker she gets the louder she gets.  Not that she can’t be seductive, and she often does take on a smoothness that dulls some of the sharp notes of her voice, its just not the default.

► HABITS refers to self in third person │ incorporates different languages/terms/sayings │ uses gender-specific terms │ adapts to audience │ changes pitch around animals or children│ shifts tone when lying │ gives others nicknames │ uses terms of respect towards others

Itara rarely calls people by their real name (unless she’s mad at them).  If she knows them well they’ll end up with a specific nickname usually.  And she has certain pet names she uses for different races in general (Au’ra girls are all “dolls”, Miqo’te boys are all “kits”).  At the very least a person is a “darling” or a “dear”. If she’s not using pet names, it’s a sure sign that she doesn’t like you, even if her smiling face says otherwise.

A few other fun habits Itara has:  She does not introduce herself unless forced.  She will dodge doing so as long as possible. And in general, doesn’t like talking about herself (but she loves it when other people talk about her). Itara doesn’t say “please” or “thank you” (A constant struggle for my ever-polite ass during rp) and as a general rule is void of any manners.  And she will say what could be said in one word in 15.  She likes to ramble and chatter on endlessly.

Itara’s speech has a very specific set of rules I have to follow and if we are ever rping and it seems im taking too long to reply… likely I typed something and then realized it was either 1) too fancy for Itara or 2) too polite  and thus had to re-write the whole damn thing.    I really wish I had a dollar for every time I typed something and then went “nope, that words too big for Itara” and had to think of something else XD

Voice Claim:  Krysten Ritter (specifically as Chloe form Don’t Trust the B in Apt 23) 

Tagged by: @sedatayuun and @mischiefandmystics  Thanks for the tag!  I enjoyed reading about your boys!

I’m going to tagggg.... (i never can think of people ugggg) @egrine @lazarusffxiv @shroudwayman @talysings @savothesewercat @danteredstonexiv and @carmen-ffxiv and everyone else who wants to do it!  and please tag me, i love reading these things!

[panelshowsource]

you are both silly! i am a goat! 🐐🐐🐐

well taskmaster has always had an art theme — you may have noticed the taskmaster’s portraits in past seasons:

so it seems this series has an “anime” kind of theme, hence the screen, for example. this is pretty standard — you can see in s4 when they did van gogh that there are sunflowers on the table behind hugh. just a little extra way to spice things up!

i thought it was fun! i definitely wasn’t as pessimistic as a lot of other people because i knew joe thomas, iain stirling, and paul sinha would definitely be endearing (i know people were/are on the fence about lou sanders, and i didn’t know sian gibson before tm) and 3/5 is good enough for me, so i’m glad it turned out the group has decent chemistry so far. i loved seeing iain get worked up about the puppets for example; this was the biggest downfall of s6 imo: they just accepted all of the decisions the taskmaster made without really caring how things turned out. i love when there’s a bit of competitive tension! probably why i liked s2 so much, since almost all of them were really points hungry >:) i think this will be a super pleasant series, i’m looking forward to the rest 🖤❤️

ps. it’s not new taskmaster season without a little thirst!! fly that freak flag anon!

that doesn’t surprise me at all, though i never thought of it myself. jen aniston has always been pretty hoighty-toighty, but maybe not in such an endearing way as victoria. but i really enjoy the comparison 😂

oh anon you fell into the pit...welcome... i think i have exactly what you need right now: just desserts!

i’m sorry too anons :((( it’s bittersweet but honestly i have been so impressed by his acting recently (especially journey’s end and howards end) and would be elated to see him really pursuing that more seriously as a matured actor. he really, really has the talent and the more effort he puts into it, the more we will hopefully get to be witness to that! plus this might mean another female host and i would love to see that! we were luck to get so many great years out of him 💙

i don’t anon, but why not use a youtube proxy? there are so many, i use this one on eu4

HAHAHA you think?? hmm interesting... he’s done so many programmes with dara, and i wonder if anyone would describe dara as “witless”? that said, dara was all over the place at that time. who knows, and dm may have even changed his mind since then! i could never imagine him being friends with someone like micky flanagan but alas! as he gets older, he becomes more and more unbothered...and i kind of like it :’)

have you seen james & jupp? sooooo fun and adorable, what an underrated brotp! (three of these files are .mkv so you need to download to watch)

hahaha i haven’t had time to watch it but i promise i’ll let you know when i do! maybe i’ll even make some gifs for it if it’s good quality? i’m so glad to hear you think it’s good! the cast is epic 💘💘

ps. inb4 where can i watch ghosts (oops too late)

live footage of me watching ass sandwich, roisin going in on piers morgan while he tries to defend himself, and ian hislop vs. john prescott:

i’m sorry to disappoint but i promise more vcm content is on its way! the queen reigns!

i will never close the floodgates but what you’ve written is honestly just plain sweet, not the perverted and sinful thirst that some of these animals think is appropriate to anonymously message me at 2pm on a tuesday

hahaha oh anon but he has been kissed! here and here for example, and who could forget a sweet peck from an original panel show otp

they’re quickly becoming my followers’ favourite brotp tbh 😂

oh you’re sweet anon, thank you 💛 i hope the new era of the news quiz can be just as witty and wholesome as it has been with miles, and i wish all the newcomers luck because it really is a welcoming and good programme!

no idea anon! it would surprise me if he hadn’t since he’s been an actor for a long time, but you’d have to ask him ;)

richard says a lot of things just because he wants to be the only one to have said them. of course no comedians came out and said the lineup for tm s8 looked like shit (comparatively), so richard did. of course no comedians asked an interviewee if they wanted a hand made out of ham, so he did did. this is really typical richard behaviour, and tbh i see why some people find it offputting. when it’s completely surreal, and he’s getting comedians to talk about things you could never imagine hearing them talk about, i’m all in and i think it’s a hilarious waste of time. but when it crosses over into the real world, where richard is giving out his political opinions or begging comedians to get him on tv, he just has no tact. sometimes he strikes a good balance and other times he doesn’t. i thought frankie hated him a while back and it might have resolved itself (like it may have with corden), but apparently not lmao (that is a great interview btw and i can’t get over how eloquent he is in his defense of female comedians...i love him...). but i’m glad your positive spin on this ask is that miles can save anything, because i agree and would like to add that spin to this response, hehe! i imagine the reasons frankie hates richard are the same reasons he loves miles ;)

well i’ve seen cold lasagna live three times, so what he said on rhlstp compared to what he explains in that show was really disappointing to me. i understand he couldn’t get into everything that had happened and is currently happening, or do the routine there, but it sounded like he only mentioned “i was suicidal lol” and didn’t really give any context to how he’s been doing (which is not great, unfortunately). obviously it’s not our place to demand information about his personal life, and i wouldn’t want to, but to just briefly mention something like that and then gloss over any details or context seemed like a big misstep to me — tonally and otherwise — and richard clearly didn’t know how to deal with it despite doing a half-decent job with stephen fry a couple of years ago. not that any of us have much faith in richard as a serious interviewer lmao. then they didn’t even brighten the mood much by talking about taskmaster (which richard berated), off menu, or doing many emergency questions... it felt really short and shallow, and i actually found it quite boring ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

you need to see this immediately as an induction into this blog’s official religion whose only deity is The Great Sandi Toksvig

i don’t see it coming up in the usual places — just go here and make a request, and i’m sure you’ll have it by the end of the night :)

anon i think about this EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! i think my first choice would be the same team on bfq tbh but seeing them on the same series of taskmaster would probably change my life. but honestly i’m SO thirsty for this i will take anything. even just david on the new heresy...please god......

lmaooo anon i still laugh about this to this day. i wish i could ask you a million questions about real life father sean lock but i’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate people harassing his kids’ friends for details about his private life lmao i’m just glad to hear he sounds like a good dad and he’s a nice guy!! you’re always free to let him know that we here on the interwebz love him to death

i can’t say for sure anon... i like that she’s so willing to speak up on big panels and take advantage of being thrown to, because a lot of women and/or newbies tend to be polite in this respect and speak briefly when it’s “their turn”. but i really need to see more before i could form an opinion!

hello anon, this is the new world order tag. to be fair, it’s not a panel show, so it’s not very high priority for me, though i do watch it. always been a big fan of frankie!

nope!

f.a.q. // tags // watch links masterpost

[pinkandgreenarepurpleandyellow]

Flowers

When Retsu comes home that fateful Friday, the last thing he expects is a bouquet of gorgeous flowers settled in a rectangular vase on the center of the kitchen table, but there they are. A closer look reveals the beautiful flowers to be concealing an array of throwing knives, his throwing knives, one’s he’d used in fights like the one against Doyle. He looks at the bouquet again, and a small bell goes off at the back his head as he realizes the flowers are Hydrangeas. There’s something important about this flower and what it means to receive them, but he doesn’t remember what it is until he’s almost asleep that night. Gratitude.

----

It’s been a week and the hydrangeas had begun to wilt, but now they’re gone, replaced by a bouquet of bright red flowers that Retsu cannot identify. A reverse Google search declares the flower’s official name to be Amaryllis. He looks up the meaning too, just in case. Beauty. When he looks under the vase (a smaller, almost circular one this time) there’s a small stack of bills, and a small note. The handwriting is unfamiliar to him, but it’s the words that really make this weirder. Your dojo was blown up. Use this money to help pay for repairs. What a strange kind of philanthropist. The bills total up to fifty million yen, which goes a long way to help rebuild the dojo later.

Who could have done this?

----

Retsu’s actually curious now if there’s a third bouquet. The previously bright hydrangeas appeared to be dying when he had left home, and he was curious whether or not the mysterious gift-giver would strike for the third time in a row. His suspicions are confirmed when he walks in and sees a striking arrangement of yellow flowers, ones that he recognizes, Ranunculus. Retsu’s now seriously considering buying a book of flower meanings, but there’s Google, which happily tells him that receiving a Ranunculus means the sender perceives you as attractive. Another oddly delivered compliment. The vase is even stranger when he looks at it, there are small notches cut into each angular wall, notches big enough to be housing small pieces of candy, which they are. Retsu’s favorite type of candy too, one that he had run out of a few days ago.

This is getting ridiculous, but Retsu’s beginning to enjoy it more and more, so he lets it go today in favor of an evening walk. Next time, he thinks to himself, Next time I will find out who is doing this.

----

It’s been ten weeks now, and Retsu has yet to even have seen a trace of the mysterious sender, but the flowers keep coming, always at the center of the table. He’d even taken the day off of work this week to sit at the table and see the person, but to no avail. He had gotten up at the sound of the door opening, but no one had been there. He’d been gone less than ten seconds, but the bouquet was already in place. This one is different from the ones before, the beautiful irises all in different colors. He looks up each one, and is still lightly surprised by the amount of compliments being given. Wisdom, faith, passion, purity,  and the general meaning of an iris, eloquence. Huh. But enough’s enough, and Retsu is tired of this game. He grabs a nearby pen and piece of paper and leaves a note.

 Whoever you are, person sending me flowers, Stop it. Either tell me who you are in person or leave me alone. I do not appreciate gifts from stalking strangers. He rests the note next to the vase and leaves the house.

----

The next Friday, as Retsu walks home, he hopes he will not find a new bouquet, and deeper down, hopes he does. Well, at least one side of him is happy to see the red chrysanthemums exploding outwards, but why? The note appears to be gone, replaced by one of the sender’s own for the first time since the money for the dojo appeared. Hang your answer outside the window, it reads and this explains the single aster and yellow carnation lying on the other side of the vase. Retsu already remembers that yellow carnations will symbolize rejection, so he immediately grabs it and ties a string around both it and one of the nails near the outside of his window making the carnation as obvious as he possibly could.

----

That Friday Retsu sees a bouquet and his vision goes red, grabbing the vase and throwing it out the window in rage before he realizes what he’s done. The sender shouldn’t have given him any more flowers after this, so why? He runs down the stairs to look at the flowers. A few photos and Google searches later he has his answer. Basil for ‘best wishes’, pink carnations as a way to say the sender won’t forget him, and cyclamen for resignation and goodbye.

Retsu should feel happy, he knows this, but for some reason he feels like he just lost someone he cared for, a feeling that’s only amplified when he sees the gift among the shards of the vase. A closer look at the gift reveals it to be a small cylinder, one that, when he press the button on it’s base, somehow extends into a beautiful staff of stainless steel, stretching around 20 feet in length. Then there’s the small scrap of paper that flutters out onto the pavement. ‘I hope you enjoyed the gifts.’

Rest flips the paper over twelve times in a vain attempt to find something, anything that would prove this note to be false. But it seems to be a foolish hope and a lost chance at love weighs down on Retsu as he walks back up the stairs and looks forlornly at the strangely empty table. The lack of flowers somehow hurts more than anything else at the moment. Even though it’s an empty hope, Retsu still hopes that next Friday he’ll still find a bouquet of gorgeous flowers on the table.

----

It’s fucking empty. Retsu looks at the empty table again, hoping that he just missed the vase, but nope. Nada. All Retsu has at this point are the flowers he took out of the vases before, and those two notes. He looks at the notes again and the first one, the one with the choice written on it, flutters out of his hand and onto the floor.

It lands face down, and Retsu practically falls off the chair trying to pick up the note when he realizes that there is incredibly faint writing on this side too. Almost invisible, the faded penciled scrawl is almost impossible to read after it’s been erased and re-written at least three times, but Retsu manages to decipher most of it. 

Hey, Retsu, the note reads, you say to want to meet me. I run by the park every day between two and two fifteen. If you’re too busy at those times, I go to the local bookstore every Wednesday at four in the afternoon. I’ve been the one pursuing you, so now it’s your turn. Catch me if you can. 

Retsu knows exactly who wrote this note now, and he knows exactly where to find the mysterious gift-giver. He has less than a day to prepare for their meeting.

----

He jogs slowly past him, and Retsu looks up from the newspaper to give chase.  His plan’s result slows him down, but that’s alright. Retsu’s target senses his presence and slows down, turning around.

“Hello again, Retsu,” Doyle warmly greets him, eyes glinting with both sorrow and amusement.

Retsu has many things he could say, but actions speak louder than words, so he simply hands the bouquet over to Doyle, who looks it over carefully. Purple violets, calla lilies, corianders, holly, and red tulips.  Thoughts of love, beauty, hidden worth, hope, and finally, confession of love. Well, that’s not exactly something that Doyle expected to see this Saturday, but it is what it is. 

“So.....” he awkwardly trails off.

“Doyle, we need to talk about something.”

“What?”

“Look, I appreciate the flowers, and I won’t deny that I fancy you, but I want to know more about you as a person, not just receive gifts from you, deal?”

“Deal.”

“.....”

“....”

“Why are you smirking?”

“You fancy me?”

“I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea,”

“Because I’m wonderfully charming?”

Retsu is sorely tempted to kiss the smug look off of Doyle’s face, so he turns around and starts walking away before he does anything too stupid that he’ll regret.

----

Now that he gave him his answer, Doyle seems to be much more willing to try and make an effort to get to know Retsu better, as well as let some of his own guards down. He shows up at the dojo to say hello and invite Retsu to a restaurant, they go on dates, and slowly the two men grow closer and closer. 

Six months after their talk in the park they find themselves back there again, this time both sitting on a bench and feeding the ducks some grapes.

Retsu gently taps Doyle on the shoulder, and hands the redhead a single red salvia when he turns. Doyle looks at him, smiles, and pulls Retsu into their first kiss.

----

No matter how long they’ve been together, no matter how many years come and go, there’s a beautiful bouquet of flowers on their table every week.

And every time someone asks them how they met, Retsu hooks an arm around Doyle and calmly says, “He bought me flowers,” and leaves it at that. Doyle always adds that his husband told him that he had to be properly woo’ed for them to be together, “and I think I must’ve done something right, cause he married me.”

----

End

(A/n: all flower meanings taken from https://www.almanac.com/content/flower-meanings-language-flowers# . Also, red salvia means ‘Forever mine,’ which is why I put it into the fic. Thanks for reading!)

[woebound]

so since i’ve been busy out of character lately, with the most horrific of situations, i haven’t really been paying the utmost amount of attention to anything on here, let alone my followers, and to check it today and see that i’m not far off 650 followers ? i almost screamed, and then proceeded to cry for about fifteen minutes. i honestly can’t thank you all enough, especially for sticking around when i disappear for weeks on end when life just becomes too hard for me to deal with --- i know this blog is anything BUT consistent and half the time i wonder why people continue to follow me because of my lack of activity on times, or maybe my own insecurities about my writing are a huge part of the blame for my questioning of it, but i am beyond grateful that people have followed me. this blog is like my baby, it’s an escape for me to just get away from life for just that short amount of time while my head feels like it’s going to explode. it’s that place where i can bring my ideas to life ? the plots that probably wouldn’t have ever been canon or the ones we were all going to explode. it’s everything to me, and i’m glad people have liked me and my writing enough to stick with me. THANK YOU SO MUCH, from the bottom of my heart <3333 so without further ado, this is just a post where i gush about the ones who have captured my heart by being close friends with me and also about the ones i’ve watched from afar and admired for their talent ??? and also fan girled over !!! thank you guys again, i love you all so much. 

FIRST OFF --- here are the babes who i’m close to, who i spend time talking to in real life, who i’m extremely good friends with or who mean a lot to me ( in no particular order unless stated ) --- 

@myricd/ @stilesism / @crownbeanie --- BECKS my loveeeeeee, my bestfriend, mY OTHER HALF AND ACTUAL EVERYTHING, is it even a surprise that you’re right at the top of the list ??? did you expect anything less because if you did umm ???? nope. most of the shit i’m about to say to you you’ve probably heard me say a million times because i’m nothing if not repetitive??? but screw it. you are honestly ONE in a million, it kills me when you don’t realize just how much of a star you are, or just how talented you are ??? because you deserve to know it. REAL talk okay, without you i wouldn’t still be here. you have talked me down from so many horrific ordeals in real life, you have been there to speak words of wisdom when you yourself are having a horrible time, you’ve put aside everything for me, and i’m just beyond grateful. in fact, just last night you helped me out of a horrible moment where i was falling apart. you’re my best friend, and i’ve never been as lucky as i am now to meet a friend who truly has my best interests at heart, a friend who ( i hope ) won’t desert me, or turn on me like past friends have. i have the utmost respect for you. it’s truly lucky too because what are the odds that we met in real life and then found out that we both have the same hobbies of roleplaying ? it’s like fate. as much as we don’t get to write often, when we do it’s fucking brilliant, and i don’t think there’s anyone i enjoy writing with more??? look at all our ships !!!, all of our babies and their incredibly complicated but intense relationships, and how we cry over them all the time. LET’S JUST TALK ABOUT HOW WE HAVE A MASSIVE LIST OF LOVES !!! ceffy being one, or stidney !! each of them having a massive range of ideas or head canons, i love how you capture each character with such ??? clarity, such talent. you are beyond brilliant, i have told you countless times i love your writing. i miss seeing you almost every day like we did in coll, and shouting over the endless possibilities of plots, it’s actually quite sad how much i value our friendship. until you i kinda lost hope in having best friends, because lets just be fair here, i’ve had a list of shitty friends who have completely fucked me over and made me feel like i was the reason, and then you came into my life and became the best god damn friend i’ve ever had and i honestly can’t ever begin to thank you enough. you actually made me feel valued, and like i was doing something right and i don’t have to worry that i’m going to lose you because i’m the worst ( i mean it doesn’t mean that i don’t worry because i do , that’s just me though . ) i’m blessed to have you by my side, you’re my other half practically, and i honestly can’t thank you enough for embracing me as a best friend, and a writing partner, it’s the best of both worlds. you have been there with me through so much in our friendship already, i don’t ever wanna imagine a day without you by my side which is why i treasure you so so much. we’ve been friends almost three years, and you are one of the best human beings i’ve met in my entire life. we’ve pulled each other through so much with both hands, and it’s great having a friend who understands me, who can communicate with me, by JUST a look, or who can listen when things are terrible. --- i love you becks, you keep being you because you’re fucking amazing !!!! thank you for being a god damn inspiration to me <3333 

@caelestiigne --- BRIANNA MY SWEET BABE !!! THE LOML ??? i honestly have no words to ever express my love for you ?? it honestly wouldn’t even come close. you’re just pure as fuck and the sweetest person i’ve ever met. i can’t begin to thank you for purely embracing me, my overbearing attitude on times, and my portrayal of characters, you are honestly one of my best friends in the roleplay community. you are so encouraging about ships, and you’re also one of my mains for skins, and also my exclusive for jace / izzy. i love how when we first spoke about jace and izzy we said we weren’t shippers of them that much ? and NOW look @ us, loving life and crying over their relationship ? i don’t regret a fucking thing i swear because they are adorable. i honestly love writing with you so much, it’s threads with you that i look forward to , i end up losing my mind when i see you’ve replied or that you’ve tagged me in a starter because i just know the thread is gonna end with me crying like a baby. what i love most about us is that you pretty much get me out of character too, you’re so understanding if i’m flaking a little when real life gets too much. or even if i’m just not feeling it ? even going as far as to be there for me and to speak to me, when i feel like tearing my hair out because i’m struggling to cope. i can’t thank you enough for your kind nature, your endless amount of ideas, the overflowing amount of feels and just for being you. i am blessed to have found such an amazing friend within the community like you, and i am astounded by how talented you are every time. you’re the freddie to my effy, the effy to my cook, the jace to my izzy and so many more muses ! i honestly almost cried because i found out you’d seen skins because of the endless possibilities, and i think it’s honestly damn hard for us to do a thread and not ship our muses ? because we just have chemistry as writers and i think it’s because i just fully respect you as an individual, but also because you mean a hell of a lot to me. i find it hard to trust people anyway, but you became a friend when i needed it the most, and i’m so thankful to you, you’re just ??? there aren’t words. you’re amazing ! i think because we have such a good friendship, writing with you isn’t a chore? it’s so enjoyable --- so much so that i’ve made a zillion ideas up in my head, or i’ve made us a pinterest board, or i’ve thrown my characters at you. you capture all your characters so perfectly, building on each of their weaknesses and all the aspects of their personalities. there are no words for me to even come close to expressing how talented you are, i wish you’d see how brilliant a writer you are ! you are beyond eloquent with your words, it’s another reason i can add to the zillion i have for why i love to write with you. we also never lose contact with each other which i’m grateful for, because we are constantly talking on discord, or writing there even if we haven’t replied over tumblr.  but above all, you’re one of the best friends i’ve had in this community, you’re a sweet angel who deserves the world and i love you to absolute pieces. thank you for being there when i’m falling apart and for understanding if i take forever. you are so appreciated by me, and i’m so glad we found each other and have this amazing friendship. THANK YOU BBY !!! <3  @voidworn --- CHELS MY BABE !!! is there even a way of me expressing how i feel about you and our friendship ? i honestly love you to pieces. first off, i spent like so long being frightened to even approach you as i died over you on my dash and your talent. i love how you capture stiles, i always have done and besides that you’re the sweetest person i think i’ve met. you make it so easy to just approach you and be over excited about ships, or yell at you about ideas of crossovers or the multiple possibilities of canon ships ? like lets just cry over stizzy, that ship is a damn masterpiece --- i just love how you capture each and every aspect of stiles’ personality, the vulnerabilities, the things that hurt him the most from his past. i just think you should know how brilliantly you capture him, you have been one of those blogs i’ve fan girled over --- you capture him that well that i constantly hear his voice in your writing and that’s something i don’t have with an overly large amount of people. i value you as a person because of your kindness, and how willing you are to help people, you send me psds because i couldn’t afford to buy them and that in itself is something i appreciate so much, you have such a kind heart --- thank you for continuously being there for me, it’s honestly so sweet of you. our ships kill me of all the time, stizzy as i’ve already mentioned and now stook ? if that works, brooke/stiles are beyond perfect and already have me crying every time i reply to you or look at my pinboard ? they even have their own playlist i’ve made. i wanna thank you for being so happy to embrace me, and my own interpretations of characters, for being so accepting of me and how i bug you ! also ??? for wanting to writing with me, it always makes me feel overwhelmed in a good way when i find someone whom i admire a heck of a lot wanting to write with me, so thank you because it means a lot. i wanna thank you for blessing me with your talent ! for allowing me to create two amazing ships with you, because not only do i love them beyond words, but i love writing with you, and the amount of chemistry we have as writers is great. i’ve also made a friend for life in you and i’m beyond blessed to say that ? i constantly look forward to your replies, and when you do reply i literally scream !!! everyone should follow you because you’re brilliant, a true sweetheart and an astoundingly amazing friend. thank you for sticking by me, throwing feels my way and being a darling ! you’re amazing. i love you lots <3  @coyoteache / @guiltache --- TAYLOR MY LOOOOVE !!! ONE OF THE BEST FRIENDS I’VE EVER FUCKING HAD !! you know what ? i’m beyond shocked at how it’s been almost three years since we met, since i wept over you on my dash and had the guts to message you and cry over your perfection ! i want to first off thank you for actually NOT getting sick of me and sticking by me this long, especially when i’m annoying as fuck. you’ve been there when i’ve had some of the hardest moments of my life ? i can’t begin to thank you enough for being there because i’ve messaged you when i’m sobbing over things i can’t change and you’ve been there, like the angel you are, presented me with advice when you, yourself are having a hard time and there is nothing more selfless than that. if there was one word i could describe you, it is definitely selfless because you constantly do things for other people even when you are struggling and that in itself makes you an amazing friend. i’ve constantly gushed over how blessed i am to call you a friend, especially after all this time, if i ever had to go into detail about our threads, i’d be here FOREVER because we’ve had so many threads ??? that i could never talk about all of them. there are a few that kill me off though, such as STANNA ! stanna are my babies. the multiple layers you bring to stiles, even things that aren’t mentioned in teen wolf, you have such an astoundingly intelligent mind that you think of things i’ve never even thought of that i am always shocked ! i am always happy to write with you, you know that, and i cherish every thread we do, no matter what the context, or the ship because you are truly talented. you bring such depth to every character you play, whether it be a teen wolf babe of yours or someone else from your multi ! i love our chats out of character too, you always make time to check in with me, and you also tell me about your ooc life and i’m so happy that you’re happy too because you deserve no less !!! i am so happy that we’re still friends after all this time, i can’t believe it’s been three years  !!! but i’m so beyond grateful for those years. i love each muse post you’ve sent over that time, how you’ve showered me with feels, how you’ve helped build my trust in people when it comes to friendships especially since i’ve had it hard making friends in the past, you’ve been a damn fucking good friend and i can’t thank you enough. i love you endlessly ! you’re a true star, and i wish you of all people could see how truly talented you are !!! you are so eloquent in your writing, the way you capture a character with your words will always astound me. KEEP being you because you’re fucking magnificent. and i love you to pieces <3  @donutshirt --- SEB MA BOI MY NERD --- okay so this isn’t your permanent blog home because you’re currently taking a little break from fully writing indie but there was NO way in hell i was writing a follow forever and not including you because i honestly love you to pieces and you mean too much to me. in all honesty, you’re damn important to me ??? let me first express my love for you by screaming about how fucking brilliant a friend you truly are !!! if it wasn’t for you, i’d never have applied for uni this year, you kept me calm, you helped me write my personal statement, i honestly owe so much to you and i don’t take this shit lightly. you are so good to me ? i can’t thank you enough. you have helped me through so much shit, you don’t even realize, you’ve been one of the best friends i’ve ever had in a matter of almost a year ? you’ve trusted me with some pretty personal shit and that means the world to me that you’d be so open with me, and i can’t thank you enough. our friendship is so special to me, because i hardly spend a day without talking to you unless things are hectic or very bad. i’ve cried to you over skype before now because things are so rubbish, and you’ve kept your composure and just been a class A friend and for that i will never be able to find enough words to thank you. through the shit going on right now, my grampa being ill, you’ve been there, no matter what even if you have other stuff to deal with. THANK YOU !!! from the bottom of my heart. LET ME CRY OVER OUR SHIPS NOW, and your talent !!! first off, you’re the scott to my allison, my other half of scallison !!! and also the spencer to my aria !!! sparia and scallison are our babies, we love them so much , and i love being able to develop them with you, because you are never short on ideas, you constantly astound me with your love for them too. you bring such depth to both of your characters, but also depth to their relationship with head canons, and little quirks each relationship has, like the nitty gritty ideas we’ve had, where spencer and aria clash over how spencer uses her for the anti anxiety meds. i can’t even describe the chemistry we have as writers or how talented and eloquent you write, and i can’t ever thank you for how amazing you truly are to me ! for how you check in on me when things are falling apart, how you’ve talked to me when you have stuff going on yourself !!! i love you to absolute pieces ! i am so glad i met you because not only am i inspired by your strength, but i just couldn’t even imagine my life without you ! i don’t EVER want to !!!! thank you for being an absolute babe, a cheerful light, and a true friend, because they are hard to find, but once again i have been blessed to meet one through writing !!! I LOVE YOU MA BOI !!! never change, because you’re a fucking masterpiece and inspiration to me, and i will never be able to thank you for how much you’ve helped me !!! <33333 @snakeworn​ ---- MIA MY LOVE !!!!! THANK GOD THIS ISN’T IN ANY PARTICULAR ORDER !!! because let me be frank here, you would be much higher, but i started writing this before i found out you were still around on tumblr because i didn’t know if you were still writing ! LET me just cry over how much of a phenomenal friend you seriously are, you deserve all the awards because not only are you consistently there when i need you which i am eternally grateful for, but you manage to be this ??? radiant light who is able to put aside her own issues, or troubles to give this outstanding advice, and i love you for that firstly, because it’s so selfless of you !!! I WISH i could scream on about how amazing you truly are, you deserve all the love, because you don’t realize how great you are and it breaks my heart !!! as we speak, you are typing up calming words to ease my mind of the recent heartbreak that is about to rock my family, and i can’t thank you enough. i am blessed to have found a friend like you !!! in fact, you’re not only a best friend of mine, you’re like a sister i’ve never had !!! a sister i’ll always want !!! i can’t wait until you come to the UK so we can meet and scream over all the shows we adore, and so i can personally thank you for being a diamond and give you a god damn massive hug. LET ME SHOWER YOU WITH SOME COMPLIMENTS. not only are you a fucking amazing human being but you have the most astounding way with words, especially when it comes to writing and being a friend. you’re able to bring so many characters to life, in such a unique way, but you give your characters so much love and i admire it so much because i’d kill for that talent. i hear the voices of cheryl when you play her, and toni especially !!! what i love is your characters become your kids, and you are able to delve into them with such depth and that in itself makes a writer truly brilliant !!! we’ve had so many brotp’s and ships, let me just cry over our layden because aw, they were so so so sweet !!! i can’t even begin to express how much i loved them, i loved how you were patient with me when i was finding my feet as liam, even when i felt like he was rubbish ! you gave me constant reassurance, ( another amazing thing about you !!! reason 1085837397839 why you’re the best friend ever !!! ) you threw headcanons my way, or we talked in detail about them and that’s something i love !! i love how we can just talk about characters, or shows so freely --- THE BEST kind of conversations because there’s no stress whatsoever, or me talking about my turbulent life. i also can’t express how much i loved sydette !!! our babies, the best sisters ever. they were so adorable !!! we had such freedom with them, but they brought tears to my eyes on so many occasions ! the good old days of OUROBOROS !!! i can’t thank you enough for convincing me to make this account, or for being an absolute sweetheart of a friend !! i wouldn’t be enjoying my writing so much if you didn’t play a hand in shaping me as a person, shaping how i write, or just being there to catch me when life knocks me down. i will continue to be a friend whom you can lean on, while you continue to keep me up from where you’re standing. i love you bb !!! thank you for being you. <3333  @lionkinged​ / @notapackanimal​ --- JELLIIIII MY SWEET ANGEL !!! okay, so first off, is there a sweeter person than you ???? nope. definitely NOT. you’re such an angel when it comes to understanding why i disappear for weeks on end, i’ve been a shitty friend to you honestly, but i love that you’re so nice about it, because you know how much i’m going through and i will never be able to even come close to thanking you for that, but THANK YOU. it’s not even close to how much i wanna shower you with love, but let me express my love through this mention. i am first off, so happy i met you because i was blessed to become friends with a girl with such a kind heart, but also with such a selfless nature. you take your time to message me every so often, to see how i’m doing and that in itself means so much especially when i disappear, life itself gets hard, but having friends who are fucking treasures like you are makes it a little more bearable. i wish you knew how loved you actually are because honestly you are !!! BEYOND TREASURED !!! it’s heartbreaking seeing you upset, because you mean a lot to me, honestly the absolute world, or when you think bad of yourself !!! I WANNA slap you silly because you should see yourself through my mind, you’re such a babe !!! BEYOND TALENTED and honestly ??? just amazing. your writing astounds me, i know we haven’t written in a long time because i’m the W O R S T ?? but i love how you capture theo and marek. while i have had more experience with your theo, i have to commend you for creating your own character and bringing him to life, with his own little quirks and your own interesting ideas, it takes some doing but you’re brave enough to put your amazing characters out there !!! i think marek is amazing and i can’t wait to write with him when i get back on my feet properly with the community !!! LET ME JUST CRY OVER YOUR THEO ??? honestly i can’t even come close to expressing my love for him. I LOVE how you capture both the vulnerability of him, and then the darker sides of him, his ticks, or his anger toward the pack on times ??? i think that is amazing. i love our threads, maleo have killed me off more times than i can count because they are heartbreaking and great at the same time --- the fEELS tho ?? they have messed me up i swear, i don’t write maleo with anyone really but you ? because i enjoy it with you. i love how you think of things to do with them, or how they act around each other, it’s brilliant. I WISH EVERYONE could see how amazing you are, how talented you are because i honestly hear theo’s voice in your threads it’s crazy !!! our maleo is special and i love them, the au’s have brilliant potential and dynamics that i love it --- especially when we did the h2O verse ?? how amazing !!! you thought that up and it was crazy good. i don’t remember how we even started talking, but i’m beyond glad that we did !!! you’ve made my life a million times better just by being there, i am grateful for you and being your friend and how you still wanna be mine makes my heart melt. i PROMISE to be a better friend. i will probably ALWAYS be awol, but having someone who understands, who is patient, and still amazing to me means everything. THANK you for BEING you !!!! we will write more, promise. i love you jelli, so so so much. <3  @hopelesswxnderers​ --- VICKSIIII BABEEEEE !!! MY GAL !!!! how has it been seven fucking years since we became friends ???? since we met through a skins roleplay we have remained a constant in each other’s life, don’t get me wrong i am terrible at continuing threads ? but life !!!!! life fucks me up a lot, but what i love is that you still want to write with me, and that means everything to me because i truly treasure writing with you. first off, we have had so many amazing threads over these years, we’ve actually had too many to count. but let me just name a few that i’ve personally loved so much !!! the first being liv / nick from skins and their dynamic and how our lil group with ashley and jennie was amazing !!! it was beyond dramatic, but i loved how we had this close knit group, i actually remember getting excited to get on and do some writing with you guys. then i joined your mmfd rp after watching it because you screamed about how it was brilliant and let me just commend you on how fucking astoundingly amazing you are at writing finn, you’ve not only captured his essence from the show, but you have built him as if ??? you created him. i can’t even remember a time where you haven’t played him. i love him best out of all of the characters you play especially when we have ships, alexinn was brilliant and even though i BUG the hell out of you about them !!! i have to say though !!! RECENTLY i loved fini and chlook ??? because they are beyond brilliant, the dynamics and how they care for each other always warms my heart. i know i don’t stick around to ever finish a thread with you but just know that writing with you means everything to me, because you are damn talented. i love you to pieces honestly. we’ve grown up together over the years, and i can’t wait for many many more threads, or when we finally get to meet because it will be amazing to finally cry over every single thread we’ve done, or the shows we love. i wanna thank you for putting up with me, because that in itself deserves a fucking award, i love our friendship. you’re like an older sister to me, you’ve been there for so long, i don’t ever want to be without you, E V E R. i don’t remember NOT writing with you, so therefore, i don’t want to ever NOT write with you. we’ll still be writing in years to come, i’m so very sure of it. you’re such a sweet person, with a heart of gold, and there are NO words to express my love for you babe. i am always here for you if you wanna write, because we are able to just throw ideas at each other and be like DO THIS W/ ME ??? and i love that we’re that comfortable in our friendship to do that. our friendship is the longest of mine on this list, and that is truly a testament --- because you’re a damn diamond. i can’t ever thank you for being the best friend ever, but i love you beyond words, thank you for being there, for remaining a friend, and a brilliant writing partner. <3333  @heartsofvalor​​ ---- BRODIE BABE !!! okay lets just start off by saying, i don’t remember how we even became friends, but i’m so grateful to have met you ?? i just remember following you and fangirling not only over your portrayal, but how incredibly sweet you are in real life. let me start this by thanking you for listening to me rant and rave over things that have hurt me, over life being a twat, or anything else i have cried over ? you’ve surpassed being a great friend because you listen, you take time to speak to me, to embrace me as a writer, and i’m so glad i met you. you also take time to make sure to cheer me up with ideas, words, pinterest boards, or just headcanons??? you’re such a sweetheart honestly and more people should recognize that because you’re one of the greatest friends i’ve ever had. can we just cry together over the perfection that is fiona / sam ??? like i can’t even begin to scream ENOUGH about how much i love their dynamic, about how incredibly compatible they are, about how much i enjoy exploring the relationship. i never even thought of them as a pairing before but honestly they are such an incredible match ??? i think they’re my favorite AU i’ve written ever by far because it just makes me damn excited to reply to ?? i mean i know i forget to reply because life constantly fucks me over, but i just love how sam protects fiona so fiercely, and how it’s like a forbidden fruit relationship because he’s having something he shouldn’t since he’s lips friend. i can’t wait to delve further into their relationship ? thank you for gracing me with your talent, i love how you bring EACH character to life in an incredible and unique way, especially sam. SAM is my son. i love when we cry over head canons, or send each other ideas, or anything to do with our ship !!! i am beyond blessed to have met you and be able to create such a monumentally amazing ship with you. i am grateful for our friendship, for you being there to offer advice when needed, or for you being there and making me feel appreciated, because that truly makes my day ?? and it’s so needed sometimes, i have had a hard time lately, and just by having conversations with you, it does take my mind off things so thank you. you’re truly a diamond, and i appreciate you so much. MORE people need to see just how incredibly talented you are because you honestly bring such a light to your characters. I LOVE how you have thought up to much background to sam, and how he’s involved with fiona, or the southside in our au because it shows how much you love your characters, but it also shows how brilliant of a writer you seriously are. here’s to many many many more threads together, and much more years of friendship, thank you for being there. i love you so so so much !!! and i appreciate you morre than words could ever express. you’re a fucking diamond, NEVER change, because you’re too precious. <3333 @perfectevil​ ---- KAZ ??? ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED HUMAN BEINGS I’VE EVER MET !!!! okay, first off, yeah we’ve not written in so long !!! but that’s because i’m the worst, i disappear and forget to reply but let me just express my love for you and for our threads that we have done whether it be indie, or ouroboros !!! so this year, it’s almost three years since we were in ouroboros together, and i was blessed to meet you !! you were so welcoming to me, when i played allison and then later, my daughter sydney !!! what i love the most about you is that you don’t realize just how incredible you are at writing theo. it’s like you’re ACTUALLY him !!! you bring such a depth to him, such life and you capture him in a way that is really commemorating to how he was written in teen wolf but you also develop the little that the show gave us, and make him your own --- the darkness in him that you touch upon a lot is something i love so much, or his motives for things, i just love how much you understand him or how you thoroughly look into him. IN FACT it’s like he’s YOUR character, and not created by jeff davis, that’s how truly amazing you are at him, and i’m proud to have said i have written with you ? i am in awe at your depth, your talent, and of you as a person. you are so sweet too ?? i love talking to you, i love knowing i can message you out of the blue and be like ??? OMG THIS IS SYDNEO. talking of sydneo, OUR BABIES, i miss them but i am still grateful for the heart we threw into their friendship, to the endless list of headcanons --- such as how theo protected syd from bullies when they were young, or especially when he came back to check on her in coyote form when he became a chimera !!! those things both warm but break my heart ?? we’ve explored so many dynamics of them ? them as kids, friends, teens, lovers, and even enemies !!!  i can’t thank you enough for your kindness,acceptance of my writing, because it means everything to me. we’ve had other gems when it comes to threads, such as mona/theo, or kat/theo, they were so much fun to do, to see our characters in different settings, and their reactions to other characters ? it’s honestly a pleasure to write with you. you’re a sweetheart, and one of the most talented writers in the community !!! i can’t wait to write with you again because i constantly miss writing with you but also miss the feels, the chemistry the characters have, or just the excitement i have to get stuck into nitty gritty threads with someone as talented as you are. i LOOK forward to writing with you again soon !!! hopefully, hmu after you read this and we can cry over possible ideas? but lets just say you’re a fucking credit, like i said theo is so eloquently written by you, so loved, and he’s truly like he’s your character, when i think of him, i think of you. you are so close to canon, but you also have delved from it, and made it your own, but also made sure to keep him in character !!! even when he’s breaking !!! you’re so special to me, thank you for embracing me as a person, embracing my characters and my portrayal, and for allowing me to send you ideas, shipping things or even to check in. you surpassed being a great writer ages ago. i LOVE love love you loads !!! thank you for blessing me with your talent. <333  @battleincarnate​ / @63l3​ --- MADELEINE ??? MY BABE. i remember how much i’ve fangirled over your blog since i started this tumblr, i don’t remember a time where i didn’t follow you ??? we’ve had a few threads over the time i’ve known you and they all meant a lot but the one that truly meant the world was bensler ?? BENSLER were my babies, and while we didn’t complete a thread, it did mean a lot to write them with you for that short time, because no one else in the community writes them !!! while i was devastated not to write them with you, i’m glad i got to at least once because the thread idea was so great !!! but i love how you bring elliot to life in such an incredible way, you are able to capture his anger over things, or his attitude toward olivia, or to his job, or even his kids. you put so much thought into it that it’s fucking admirable ??? you deserve so much recognition for how incredible you are ? i love how you delve into elliot’s dynamic with olivia, and how we’ve cried and screamed over discord countless times over the svu eps we love, or the moments between them we love, or how we’ve talked in depth about how much we love them and their backgrounds !!! i love that you take the time to think everything out, or give elliot the love that he truly deserves ! i’m glad i get to see you portray him and bring him to life in a way with such love that he didn’t get enough of when he was on svu, you love him so much and i love that !! i also love your creativity with ideas, you’re just beyond fucking talented and you are the best portrayal of elliot !!! i admire you as an individual, and a writer so much. you’re so talented, and i’m so glad you’re bringing such an underrated character to life because it’s honestly needed !!! i love bensler so much so it’s nice to see them on the dash, or to have played them because i personally love them heaps. thank you for blessing me briefly with your portrayal of elliot, and allowing me to pick up olivia in hopes of exploring them with you, it meant the world. i also love how brilliantly you bring alison dilaurentis to life, you capture both the soft side of her, but also the badass af side of her and it’s almost like every character you write ???? is ACTUALLY them. i can’t wait to hopefully delve into more ideas with you for future threads, for ideas of ships or aus !! i love writing with you because you’re so down to earth and incredibly sweet and i’m glad to have a friend like that. MORE people should follow you to see how amazing you truly are because it’s needed ??? you deserve all the love. thank you for being there, for allowing me to write w/ you and for being a sweet babe. i’m grateful for our friendship and that you’ve graced me with your incredible writing !!! i love you a lot ! never change because you’re amazing <3333 

----

THOSE I ADMIRE FROM AFAR, WHOM I HAVE POSSIBLY HAD FEW THREADS WITH OR WHOM I CRY OVER BECAUSE OF THEIR TALENT. I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN PEOPLE BC I’M THE WORST BUT ILY ALL !! i just have a scattered brain ! if you’re mentioned, come @ me bc i’m happy to write w/ all of you ok !!! <3 ---- @gibins​ ; @runegiven​ ; @starhaze​ ; @brutaely ; @mkvch ; @disregardsorders​ ; @helmot​ ; @millicnreasons​ ; @awesomegaydar ; @learnedskill ; @frdie​ ; @joneshead ; @petrovanity ; @petroeva ; @lodgeds ; @blsms ; @bittenrage ; @valicnt ; @mieczlw ; @deathrepeated ; @deathwritten ; @griefdefined ; @griefbuilt​ ; @umbraevenatores​ ; @russethued​ ; @stuartwcmbly​ ; @ldges​ ; @gngrdrews​ ; @bittenrage​ ; @drowngrief​ ; @drownrot​ ; @snitchsought​ ; @olympiclion​ ; @olympiclamb​ ; @gllaghrs​ ; @softlykept​ ; @aspiredlights​ ; @asphalted​ ; @chosenforthis​ ; @knifefate​ ; @softlykept​ ; @thorndroses​ ; @alwaysbleed​ ; @steeledwill​ ; @cruelety​ ; @wearsheadbands​ ; @bcckmarked​ ; @warsraging​ ; @govtdna​ ; @mysrybled​ ; @serpentfamily​ ; @serpenthand​ ; @vixenwidowed​ ; @corruptedgood​ ; @corruptbadge​ ; @corruptlines​ ; @kolhearted​ ; @ponytaled​ ; @wantsbest​ ; @callmefp​ ; @cryoconquer​ ; @lockwoodspecial​ ; @lovesjello​ ; @anchorled​ ; @mcplastics​ ; @soulhcart​ ; @souldragger​ ; @hellbitched​ ; @tobeblamed​ ; @andrewsnco​ ; @seesgood​ ; @benevolf​ ; @roseguided​ ; @breedsmisery​ ; @objectivelyhot​ ; @tragedyveined​ ; @kingkeeper​ ; @brightspells​ ; @traitorize​ ; @magicrot​ ; @ptrvas​ ; @troubledharts​ ; @southsideleader​ ; @southraised​ ; @fatalles​ ; @roseguided​ @roseswrit​ ; @orgnlptrva​ ; @assassinsgirl​ ; @knowntragedy​ ; @stormedchaos​ ‘ @divinedeaths​ ; @divineardour​ !! 

[jokocraft]

[more long meta] the real reason why nyma and rolo’s beauty was so extra and why hunk was 110% definitely lance’s foil in S1E6

(fyi this is sorta like an And There’s More part to this post.)

having nyma and rolo give off a “trustworthy” first impression was crucial to the writers’ basic moral of the story for S1E6: Voltron Gets Shanghaied. the moral is conveyed almost completely though hunk; in a previous episode, hunk initially judged shay as untrustworthy when actually her intentions were totally pure because she is pure. now that hunk has learned his lesson, he thinks twice before judging nyma and rolo solely by their first impression, and this gives him a clearer perspective on the situation than the others.

on the surface, the moral of the story is simply: always ask WWHD (what would hunk do?) don’t judge people by first impressions! yay! but. if that’s the moral, why are nyma and rolo, like, 10x hotter than they technically need to be in order to give off that “haha trust us!” first impression to facilitate that moral? they could have been average-looking freedom fighters, and the moral probably would have been even more powerful, because who do we already IRL prematurely judge as untrustworthy, just as much or even more than people who are shadowy and not-traditionally-attractive-according-to-our-culture? the answer: people who are Too Perfect. so if rolo and nyma had been more “unremarkable”, the cliche “don’t judge a book by its cover” theme might have held some more weight (rather than just validating that we should be suspicious of really attractive people).

I am remembering that this is a kids show, and this analysis is not necessary to appreciate the episode itself, but my point is that while there are obvious morals in this episode that no one would be wrong to say are intended, I believe these obvious morals are not the full picture. in other words, i don’t think these on-the-surface morals are the core of the episode. I went over this, sorta kinda, in my last post, but I want to go deeper this time and hopefully convey my point more eloquently and concisely comprehensively.

I think the vld writers are pretty smart, so I don’t think they made rolo and nyma extra attractive simply to add (problematic) spectacle to the “reveal” of their identities as criminals (which tbh even kids would see coming from a mile away what with hunk’s highly conspicuous suspicion and all, come on). and I definitely don’t think nyma and rolo were designed so attractive because the writers/directors actually believed the moral “people who are Too Perfect are out there and not to be trusted!!1!” made for quality storytelling.

so why then? why make their beauty so extra when average-looking character designs would have easily made the “first impression” moral more effective and less cliche?

I think is that the reason is three-fold:

the first and simplest reason that rolo and nyma’s beauty was so extra was to visually contrast as much as possible the first impression of shay and her brother. because from a visual storytelling standpoint, it’s just more thematically sexy that way.

the second reason assumes that the vld writers are perfectly aware of our tendency to distrust people who are Too Perfect and usedthat knowledge to give hunk a more easily believable (hunk is def smarter than us) relatable reason to not trust these guys.

and finally, well, let me preface some more: I think the vld writers are not only smart, but also pretty damn clever. too clever for the obvious morals to be the core message of E6′s Shanghaied plot, because like I explained in my other post, the entire Voltron Gets Shanghaied plot itself isn’t the core of the episode. rather, the Shanghaied plot exists the way it does (and at all) because it’s necessary for the core of the episode to effectively play out and its message properly conveyed.

and it’s core message? two-fold, this time:

it is wrong to punish someone just because they are not who you wish them to be

and

sometimes the people you fall for won’t fit any of your fantasies

maybe “you fall for” isn’t the best choice of words. the replacements “you have the strongest connections with” or “who are most compatible with you” are probably better, but they don’t sound like a Quote, you know?

a short elaboration on the first core message is near the end. a much longer elaboration on the second core message is thuss:

hunk is teased by pidge about shay being his new girlfriend, and I think there’s more to that offhand comment than just throwing hunk’s character a romantic bone. i think it’s very important, actually, how hunk’s relationship with shay is portrayed: rather than it being cast in an overtly romantic light, it’s respectful, genuine…downright wholesome, really. as usual, i believe this is a deliberate choice, made for reasons possibly not immediatley apparent: the nature of hunk’s relationship with shay (at least in E6 specifically) doesn’t reveal so much about hunk as does reveal a helluva lot about lance.

while revisiting E6, this time seeing hunk is lance’s foil, things start popping out: hunk’s easily made connection with Not A Fantasy Girl shay is in painfully sharp contrast to lance’s desperate effort force a connection with Fantasy Girl nyma. also, hunk may have brushed off the idea that he liked shay That way, but never once did he deny how important she was to her and how important it was for him to fulfill his promise to her. he embraced her exactly as she was and embraced the connection he felt with her by proudly making it known that while she’s in trouble, she is his top priority. this is the exact opposite of what lance is doing during this same episode, i.e. simultaneously, i.e. foils at their best). instead of accepting the connection unveiled between him and keith in E5, he’s rejecting it outright, and rejecting keith, too, because keith’s sure as hell no Fantasy Girl (arguable). and also-also, on the nyma/rolo planet, hunk can’t stop talking about shay while lance seems content to pretend keith doesn’t exist right now.

all this summarized: hunk embraces his new Non-Fantasy-Conforming connection while lance refuses to embrace his, probably on the basis that it’s Non-Fantas-NOPE

and then there’s keith. he’s chillin on this planet, not really reacting to anything, not really making any judgements about anyone one way or the other. the meaning of all this is not a show of keith’s coolness or don’t-give-a-fuck attitude or so shruggable. instead, how he acts on the planet is yet another very deliberate narrative choice.

if I’m not mistaken, it seems like rolo exists to serve as keith’s nyma, causing viewers like us to wonder, will keith let himself be taken in by this Fantasy Guy, like lance was with Fantasy Girl? will he want to restore his pride? get revenge??we narrow our eyes at the screen….hm…keith keeps being put in the same frames as rolo, that’s for sure….but……..

nope. well, keith probably acknowledged at some point that rolo was indeed pretty hot, but nope. he’s just not interested. why? maybe because keith isn’t as emotionally constipated as lance or he’s not nearly as likely to actually hit on anyone in a way that’s not literally hitting them.

or maybe the reason keith’s not interested in Fantasy Guy is because this boy gives zero fucks about fantasies.

even though keith probably feels spurned by lance in E6, and has every right to want to spurn lance right back (especially as he watches lance literally drool over some chick even after all they went through barely a day ago), keith doesn’t. he doesn’t even seem compelled to, and maybe that’s because he doesn’t see the point of giving special attention to someone he’ll probably never see again, or maybe because he’s already accepted the connection he has with lance as is.

you see, there’s pretty much no question that lance already had a fantasy or fantasies in mind of how finding his significant other would pan out (not that he or keith would actually think about their connection in those terms, of course), and because of these fantasies, when that telltale spark - that was probably, in some capacity, part of his fantasy - occurred, and it was with someone who absolutely did not fit the fantasy, lance decided to reject the whole thing as ever happening, as if doing that would somehow give him a do-over.

but keith….keith….keith being keith, I just don’t see him growing up with many fantasies related to a future “significant other”. did he even ever consider that such a person could even exist for him? if I were to guess, I’d say the answer is no, he didn’t think finding “that special someone” would ever be a Thing That Happened To Him. not because of any insecurity to do with his sexuality, but because of his insecurities to do with his interaction with others: he knows he’s a hothead, that he’s awkward, that he’s standoffish. he types himself as the loner, and really believes that’s just who he is. so he probably never bothered to wonder how that special connection could happen.

because, surely, it wouldn’t happen.

(but then, after a whirlwind of fighting and protecting and victory, keith knelt down and took the hand of his friend, someone who had brushed death to save a life, someone keith was glad to finally call a friend. they understand each other enough that there is nothing that really needs to be said, but then, this friend, someone fully aware of how hotheaded and awkward and standoffish keith was, told him something, with the upmost sincerity, with an unmistakable intimacy. something that, for a brilliant, brief moment, made keith feel like he didn’t have to be the loner anymore)

sob

as seen in the beginning of E6, keith clearly wants to embrace his new connection like hunk, but can’t because, well, when it comes down to it, actively embracing a connection with a person who doesn’t want to embrace it makes you look either like an idiot or a creep - or just pathetic.

while hunk has no reason not to declare to the universe that goddammit he’ll save shay if it’s the last thing he does, keith isn’t in the same position. he has plenty of reasons to keep how he feels to himself, but at least he’s learning to accept his own feelings. at least he accepts this connection for what it is, rather than wishing in vain it was something it isn’t.

at least, despite lance’s reluctance for something deeper, keith knows he can and should still be a valuable friend: he’s anything but reluctant or resentful or resigned to be the one to save the blue lion. if anything, he’s probably already as prepared to do anything to save lance as hunk is to save shay.

shay saved hunk, and soon hunk would save shay, and they so they earn themselves bond that lasts a lifetime. keith takes credit for saving lance’s lion, and it’s show of keith has his back. and so then it was lance’s turn to rise to hunk’s level and show some motivation in having keith’s back in return. which finally happens at the end of S3: at that point, he’s not afraid to tell keith that he’s proud to have his back, that he wants to. no other paladins are shown watching the exchange - lance’s words can’t be written off as meaning “look at me, i’m proud to have the back of all my teammates!”. it’s framed as something personal: “i’m proud to have your back, keith.“

I think keith deadass stopped fighting to smile at this because that’s, THAT’S, what he’s been waiting for, that unspoken reciprocation of “I want to defend you, not just because you’re my teammate, but because you mean something to me, personally.”

back to the point of all this….at least in terms of S1E6, not only is hunk a foil to lance, hunk’s relationship with shay is foil to lance’s relationship with keith.

hunk was suspicious from the moment they set foot on the planet, and lance completely gave himself over to blissful gullibility the moment they set foot on the planet. hunk honors his connection to shay by remaining confident and steadfast in his desire to fulfill his promise to her. lance could not be less confident about anything to do with his connection to keith. he doesn’t want to have to honor or promise anything, for fear of what that would mean.

“for fear of what that would mean”

hunk doesn’t care what embracing his connection with shay could “mean”. what if he falls in love with her or something?? whatever, that’s irrelevant! shut up pidge!

lance, on the other hand, does care what embracing his connection could mean. what if he falls in love withWHAT it could mean is unthinkable and Will Not be considered as something even to consider, because it’s not a thing. to consider. anyway where’s a Fantasy Girl when you need one? ah there’s one, let’s have a connection babe! also, could you stop doing things that remind me of a certain nobody, cause I want this to be all about us, you and me, and wow this is so romantic, us flying together over beautiful alien landscapes–I mean it’s NOT, except, like, it is in thiscontext, duh…

*smh at lance blushing to himself like ten times in one sequence*

hunk admittedly has it easier since he’s straight and shay is a girl and he has no emotional hold ups to stop him from telling the world how important shay has become to him after their…hm…bonding experience, you might say. even with romantic potential taken from the equation, he’s no less intent on acting on how much he cares about her.

to hunk, a theoretical seed of romantic love being planted in his heart or something is irrelevant to what his connection to her means to him. while his connection to her is definitely not as sterile as simply feeling obligated to repay the debt of his life being saved, it’s not defined by it’s Potential As A Romance! either. pidge acknowledges this by teasing hunk about shay being “a girlfriend” in front of everyone because pidge knows it wouldn’t affect his decisions or judgement.

in contrast: in S3, pidge is the first to look straight to lance when it becomes clear keith needs a pep talk. does she say something like, “he’s your boyfriend, lance.” fuck no, because that would be totally appropriate in the moment. but what about something more appropriate? even something innocuous like, “Lance, can you please set him straight?” wait… the point is, even if the situation weren’t so serious, pidge wouldn’t have teased him, and at this point, she’s not even going to dare acknowledge in words that keith sees him Differently from the others. in that S3 moment, if pidge had said anything along those lines, lance’s brain would have shorted and keith would NOT have gotten any needed pep talk that day or any day soon. instead, everyone lets the situation resolve itself, because sure enough lance steps up and it does the trick, and jesus if lance isn’t an oblivious motherfu

so chances are pidge - and shiro too - know lance’s decisions and judgement are absolutely affected when the nature of his relationship with keith is mentioned. because unlike hunk, he does care about that “nature” and what it means.  

hell, he almost managed to get out from under from nyma’s influence and stop the blue lion from being stolen, but then she mentions keith while he’s still in her arms and whoops, JUDGEMENT AFFECTED.

when it matters, hunk’s connection to shay is not clouded by any potential extraneous *coughromanticcough* feelings for her, and that makes it possible for him to be a hero. and since he’s a foil to lance, his unclouded heroism intentionally brings out how much lance’s connection to keith is clouded by potential extraneous feelings. rather than heroism, shit happens like lance getting his own lion stolen and being chained to a tree.

but S3 shows beautifully that lance isn’t meant to stay like that forever. even though he still majorly struggles with self esteem unrelated to keith specifically, his maturity (and exposure therapy, tbh) has caused any feelings related to keith specifically to no longer sabotage his performance as a paladin. he doesn’t feel the need to one-up keith so much anymore, and he’s actually willing to step down from being a paladin so keith doesn’t have to, acknowledging that keith is an objectively better pilot, or at least at piloting Red. since lance is more confident in his role supporting the team from the back instead of insisting on proving himself on the front lines with keith and the others, he’s able to use his bayard as a sniper rifle for the first time rather than his usual short/mid-range blaster. lance is more effective on the team than ever, and it’s a national tragedy that he doesn’t appreciate his own improvement.

hunk is by no means a character there simply to contrast lance’s issues, but i think that it’s intriguing how he’s used in E6 to identify lance’s issue without spelling it out. and lance’s issue isn’t that his good judgement is compromised by his flirty personality, it’s that his good judgement is compromised by the toxic subjugation of his own emotions.

finally, I want to return to the first half of the two-part “core message”:

it is wrong to punish someone just because they are not who you wish them to be

i’ll be concise with this elaboration. this message was presented three different ways:

the Voltron team didn’t kill or unnecessarily punish nyma and rolo for being “criminals after all”

at first lance punishes keith (by dismissing and ignoring him) even though keith literally did nothing other than bring up a touchy subject. but eventually lance sees sense and comes to accept that, regardless of how he still feels, it’s wrong to take his emotional upheaval out on keith.

keith could have been way more pissed at lance for all his shit on the nyma/rolo planet. but it seems to me he understood that there was no point in “punishing” lance (i.e. not being forthcoming, not cooperating with this whole connection thing, being his flirty self) for…being lance. after all, technically all lance has done wrong, considering nyma was receptive to lance’s advances, is make that one asshole comment at the dining table at the beginning of the episode.

conclusion

assuming we’re not all totally delusional about the trajectory of keith and lance’s relationship, we should be (and you probably already are) impressed that vld’s writers clearly understand that they have to be more crafty with lance and keith’s relationship development. in E6, they couldn’t show lance angst over keith directly. that would have been an unauthentic portrayal of lance’s character, not to mention it would have shown their hand too soon, which is not ideal (and maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’m assuming vld’s producers need the nature of lance and keith’s relationship kept on the down-low as long as possible while they continue to build their viewer base, but when the preferred ending of the series is not at stake, i.e. vld is renewed the X number of times necessary to greenlight the final season containing the intended “endgame state”, they can do whatever the hell they want in that final season, like, you know, casually make history). nevertheless, lance’s relationship with keith still needs to be developed, and it would also be unrealistic - and very poor storytelling on principle - for lance’s feelings to abruptly be made explicit without any evidence of them existing or developing in previous seasons.

examples of craftiness in just S1E6:

focusing on hunk and his behavior to directly contrast lance and his behavior

using nyma as a perfectly timed opportunity for lance to reveal his emotional turmoil caused by the bonding moment referred to in the beginning of the episode

basically using the whole Voltron Gets Shanghaied plot as the stage and set for the aftermath of the bonding moment to be properly recognized and realistically portrayed

bonus - this conversation exchange:

shiro: It’s our first big rescue mission. He’s excited.

pidge: Excited to see his new gIRLfriENd.

hunk: [gasps] She’s not my girlfriend! She’s just a rock that I met and I admire very much.  

…that I can totally see being used to parallel to some future conversation like, I dunno:

shiro: Recon missions are his favorite. He’s excited.

pidge: Excited to work with his pARtNER.

lance: [gasps] He’s not my partner! We just team up sometimes because our skills happen to be very compatible.

anyway i love my rainbow space nerds and smothering them in meta, thx for reading~~

[nehrwho]

Why The Kohinoor is Historically and Morally Indian

This is the fifth time that the Kohinoor Diamond is being mentioned officially on the international grapevines rather than lone Indians remarking upon it half-heartedly. Needless to say, the issue has split mindsets from within India, Indian-origins and Indians as well as the mildly irrelevant opinions of those without. Honestly, I’d been waiting eagerly for this international incident to happen, as perversely dramatic as it sounds. The greasy, smooth-sailing relationship between Britain and India these days often means that the former are not slyly pinched in remembrance of their colonial past, whilst white Americans are pinched all the time for similar reasons. 

naughty conquerors! one more time you enslave a race you'll go to bed with no diamonds!!!

The reasons we’ve failed to ask for it as often as we deserve to are plentiful. The current Indian government states that Nehru, whilst initially asking for the return, had said later it was not worth it as it would only irritate the already sensitive British-Indian relationship (more on this later). Another remains that the British response to any question relating to the return of stolen goods or colonial reparations has always been “nope.” In 2013, David Cameron spoke possibly the most decisive words he has uttered in a decade and said “it is going to have to stay put.” Eloquent.

Why does it matter?

This has been the question I’d been faced with the most from almost every angle. English, Indian, and American. Why does the Kohinoor matter, since its exchange had happened over a hundred and fifty years ago? The wise, wise fellows who take the trouble of a Google search also informed us pompously that the actual value of the Kohinoor was only around 200 million USD, which when compared to the ballooning value of the Indian GDP is merely a blow into the balloon from a pair of asthmatic lungs. Furthermore, the browner of these cynical members of the Internet point out that it would have absolutely no point in India, as the upkeep of our museums are apparently atrocious and hence it was not worth risking an international incident over it.

Firstly, for those disinclined to symbolic value and only prefer the cold hard values of money; let it be known that England charges 25 GBP for entry into the Tower of London and hence the exhibits of the Jewel House that include the Kohinoor. In terms of rupees, that’s about Rs 2400, and in ringgit, RM 140 at the current exchange rate. There are about 2.8 million visitors to the Tower yearly as of 2015, and a simple calculation leads to the icy monetary fact that the tourism department makes around 700,000,000 GBP (Rs 66, 783, 000, 000) yearly in regards to the Tower – give or take. Now, although of course the Tower doesn’t merely consist of the Kohinoor it is the biggest, shiniest and most attractive diamond in the crown – hence, no tourist would leave before gawking at it. It is certain that even at a far cheaper ticket price, the Kohinoor in India would attract a much larger proportion of tourists (and a larger number because let’s face it, our population multiplies like rabbits) both from within India and from international waters; hence in a handful of years it would far exceed its’ monetary value.

Is it a package deal?

Now for those who account for symbolic profit rather than physical, let it be known the high proportion of Indians in the U.K. Add to this the thousands of Indian foreign-students, their visiting families, and those who have achieved a long term visa. Let’s say all these people go to the Tower to look at the Kohinoor. Essentially, they’re paying the aforementioned 25 GBP to look at something that would have belonged to their country all along. Even more brutal, it is literally a symbol of colonialism – taking another country’s prized jewel, slapping it on their crown, and making the citizens of that country pay to look at it. Of course, most people’s thoughts aren’t of needless injustice when they first clap eyes on the twinkly one, and rather along the lines of “wow shiny” and “move aside, odorous fellow,” however I like to think that at the backs of our minds the sentiment still resides.

Historically, it is Indian

The primary argument from those who disapprove of the jewel being returned is that ‘it was gifted.’ However, if one traces the history of the jewel, it was not gifted by Maharaja Ranjit Singh as is commonly thought but rather given by his son, Maharaja Duleep Singh. What difference must it make? Perhaps the British had forgotten or switched the Indian names as they were so oft fond of doing, the fact remains it was still legally gifted. See, the difference is that Ranjit Singh had died ten years before the taking of the diamond, and when his son had given up the diamond to the victorious British army – he was twelve or so years old. An actual child, who was separated from his mother and exiled to England where he was Anglicized in the most stereotypical manner possible. Furthermore, the ‘gifting’ was part of military confiscation to reimburse the British Empire for the expenses they had wrought by conquering Punjab (must be difficult, being an Empire…). So not only was the diamond taken from a child-ruler, it was taken after the British had taken over Punjab, hence as a war spoil. If the Koh-i-noor seized in this manner is considered ‘gifted,’ I suppose there shall be no more complaints about bullying in schools, only lovely reports of children ‘gifting’ their lunch money to others.

If the Kohinoor was a diamond tossed around the world like a political pass-the-parcel, I’d at least somewhat understand a historical claim to it by Britain. However,  the first mention of the Kohinoor was from an ancient Sanskrit text where it was referred to by another name, and was transferred from the Rajas of Malwa to the Emperor of Delhi in 1304, hence there is no record of it originating anywhere other than India. It then changed hands throughout the succession of Mughal kings, mentioned by Babur, Aurangazeb and the likes. The Afghani Taliban had also requested the diamond, claiming it was Afghani – yet the Persians had only taken the diamond in 1739, and after the ruler’s assassination it fell into the hands of Ahmad Shah Durrani (the founder of modern Afghanistan). After the Kohinoor was returned to the aforementioned Ranjit Singh in India, the British had possibly set their blue eyes upon it; popular history was rewritten and the crown is a 109 carats heavier. Thus, the tracing of the antiquity of the diamond gives no doubt as to the origin of it, changing hands outside the country/empire only once other than the infamous British acquisition. 

Morally, it is Indian

Note that I haven’t written: legally, it is Indian. Truly, it isn’t ours by law; if that had been the case, we would have been exhibiting it at exorbitant rates for decades. Legally, it was given to the British as mentioned before, and little Duleep Singh had even been taken to England for the presentation (where, incidentally, Queen Victoria fawned over his eyes and pretty teeth). However, if you look at it with a pinch of perspective, do you recall what was also legally British at the time? India. It’s always been common knowledge that the winners write the laws and at the time, the Empire soldiers had been the victors who wanted the big shiny rock. So take it they did, with all the legal certificates, pomp, and circumstance involved. Thus when they finally were ripped out of the scene a century later, they conveniently produced aforementioned certificates. Accordingly, India was returned to the Indians, minus some ancient buildings and structures, self-confidence, resources, wealth – and the Kohinoor.

Look at this fine piece. Do NOT blame Vicky in the slightest.

Legally, it remains British. But until India clawed its way to independence in 1947, the country and its people were also technically British. Slaves were legal in 1840s America. Harijans weren’t allowed in temples in 1920. Laws will not change without argument and negotiation, and in this case whilst we have no legal claim, we do possess a moral and historical assertion to the diamond from which one could build up a sizeable campaign and argument.

Outcome

Will the Indian government truly try to get it back? In this scene of toadying and wishing for oily international relations with Britain, I’m not sure. However, ‘international goodwill’ isn’t actually an argument for not trying to return the jewel to its’ native ground. Recently, the ruling government had said the efforts weren’t pursued due to Jawaharlal Nehru’s mention of it possibly causing tension. The difference is this: time. Nehru had been at the forefront of the independence movement for decades and had been a major component in Britain losing it’s wallet. If Nehru had gone back to ask for the crown jewels it would have caused extreme international hostility – and even he had initially requested its return. India and Britain’s liaison at the moment is probably as good as it’s going to get: now is the time to challenge it, before they conveniently ‘forget’ they had ever colonized us and that the British Raj was ever a thing.

What Raj!? Raj Mehta? Raj Kulkarni!?

What else could it bring? Perhaps civil unrest, if states argue over where to display it. Perhaps Pakistan or Afghanistan may try to claim it again, leading to further tension. However, relinquishing the diamond to one of those countries would be highly unlikely. Tourism, obviously. The immense Indian population, a majority of which would not have travelled to England would certainly come to see the jewel as would citizens of other, closer countries. Even if India displays the Kohinoor at a lower price of entry than the Tower of London (as it should), the revenue would far exceed the value of the diamond itself. Furthermore, taking the Kohinoor off the British crown would possibly be part of a hair-of-the-dog remedy for colonial hangover.

I suppose all this is tentative and predicted, however – we need to get Cameron to go from “it’s going to stay put” to “oh, take it then you buggers,” not to mention the reaction of the Crown. Nevertheless, this has just been a hashing together of why the jewel is undoubtedly Indian, something even the Royal family understands. There is a ‘curse’ on the diamond after all - “He who wears this diamond will own the world, but will also know all its misfortunes. Only God, or a woman, can wear it with impunity.” Queen Victoria had written that the diamond was only to be put on the crown of a ruling Queen, the Queen mother, or any female monarch on the throne or beside it.  

So much for ‘native superstition.’

[xivu-arath]

It feels like she’s alive like never before, power and anger and duty all finally falling into place, and who could care about her origins or what she’s left behind with such conviction bearing her forward?

The question of her origins is one Rkorya is surprised to suddenly start fielding, after she becomes Sith. Before, it was never something to be considered. She remembers vividly one of the many political outings her family took part in, small gatherings to make connections and assess like-minded allies, and the double-edged compliments that flew back and forth. “You’ve done quite well for yourselves,” one noble had said, smiling thinly. “Given where you came from, of course.”  She – protected by her potential in the Force, the weighing interest in each message to the overseers – butted in, blunt and guileless and protesting that they came from their holdings on Dromund Kaas, where else?

Later she would learn all the delightfully myriad ways that one could say Zabrak without saying it outright, or worse, alien. Even though she had never set foot on Iridonia, it was obvious to anyone with eyes that it was where she was really from, her bloodline be damned.

And then suddenly, it isn’t. Korriban changes everything, is the crucible in which all the acolytes are poured into like seething molten metal. So many of them end up as slag, cooling and dead, and the rest are... reforged. Part of her is born there in the sand and amidst the tombs, drawn out of the dark whispers thick in the Force. This is what it means to be Sith: statues etched away by centuries, power that has seeped into every stone, names that make the air tremble with dread. This is her birthright, and at first she wields it like a hammer, flares her power because it must be acknowledged.

From Baras she learns restraint, patience, cunning. He sends her across the galaxy, and it is on one of those seemingly unending journeys that the question comes up, after Vette has finished singing bawdy songs to try and make Quinn blush.

(To his credit, he’s buried himself in some reports and has proven immune.)

“I can’t believe I didn’t ask this before, but... you have family, right? You didn’t just... I don’t know, walk out of a Korriban tomb sometime?”

“Of course I have family,” she says, surprised and uneasy. It takes a moment to pin down why – she almost hasn’t thought of them since Baras took her as his apprentice. She’d sent a message, of course, but... well, it had been brief, and that had been months ago. “Back on Dromund Kaas – a minor holding in the city, and a private compound.”

“I thought so,” Quinn says, breaking his vow of long-suffering silence. “You have the refined eloquence of a Kaas noble, my lord – I thought that was where you were from.” And where else would I be from, she wants to ask, but knows the answer – Iridonia lives on in the mere glimpse of her tattoo or horns.

“Who cares what she sounds like? You didn’t say a word about it when we were there! I mean, not that I want to be dragged around to some Sithy noble house but... you really didn’t want to stop in and see your family?”

“There wasn’t much time,” she says, and even she can tell that’s a stalling tactic. Vette scowls, turning to fully face her.

“Yeah, I’m sure you couldn’t take a break from going into ruins and squashing jungle rebellions, right?”

“Vette,” Quinn says, tone sharpening – a warning of edging on insubordination that Rkorya doesn’t care to wave off. She takes a breath, and when she speaks again, she’s softened, if not quite respectful.

“Sorry, I just... family is important. And I bet they’re really proud of you, for being an apprentice, and killing like, ten Jedi yesterday...”

“Six were padawans,” she points out, letting herself be soothed.

“They don’t have to know that.”

“You’ve been pushing yourself hard, my lord,” Quinn adds. “I’m sure Darth Baras wouldn’t begrudge a few days of leave.”

It sounds weighty and terrifying and tempting. Rkorya considers it, tasting fear and letting it unravel.

“Very well – after Taris, maybe I’ll return to the capital. For a short while.”

Of course, she never does. At first, it’s the war looming, her own need to prove herself mingling freely with a desire to strengthen the Empire. Baras’ orders are easy enough to follow, even if she chafes beneath his command, finds herself wondering how long before his pawns need to be replaced. When she does return to Kaas City, it’s a harried back and forth to kill Darth Vengean, and then she has to lay low lest the rest of the Dark Council think she’s bragging about her feat.

There is no shortage of excuses, especially once Baras tries to kill her. And then there is truly no time. The Emperor has spoken, and what is family or fulfilling her pledge to them when the Empire is in danger? Events cascade, blurring from one hasty victory to the next. She doesn’t regret any part of it, not after Voss. It feels like she’s alive like never before, power and anger and duty all finally falling into place, and who could care about her origins or what she’s left behind with such conviction bearing her forward?

Until, finally, she returns to Korriban. For all that she only spent a short, rushed time as an acolyte, the familiarity of coming back and setting foot on the sands hits her like a hammer blow.

“I’ve missed this place,” she murmurs, and Vette – who, despite her nightmares, had insisted on coming to ‘see this through, and maybe laugh at old maskface’ – scoffs behind her.

“That makes one of us, at least.”

“This is home, in a way. To a part of me – the promise of what I could become, if I survived.”

“You know, if you weren’t terrifying, you’d be cute when you get sentimental. Come on, greatest of Sith Lords – let’s fulfill that promise. I bet your weird Sith buddy will mope if you make him wait too long.”

She kills her master. It is everything she could have hoped for, and nothing she expected. It is a burden relieved, a weight dropping away – a grudge that can be cast aside. When she leaves Korriban, she feels she must be floating, unsure of her purpose, wanting to wait for another crisis to arise. But her crew has been pushed to their limits by the lengths they’ve had to go, the betrayals they’ve endured, and she can think of no truly safe place for them to rest.

Except, maybe, for one.

“There’s a message for you, my lord,” Quinn says, painstakingly precise as they pull into the Dromund Kaas spaceport. “It’s from... ah, Darth Vowrawn. A congratulations on your recognition in front of the Dark Council.” He pauses which, even considering his diminished standing, is surprising – he’s done his best to be even more faultless, to atone for his betrayal. “He... also says he went ahead and made some arrangements for you to take Darth – Baras’ old quarters in the Sith Sanctum. Until you have time  to adjust and move whatever you wish in, however, he’s sent some gifts to your hereditary holdings.”

The clever old man. As the new Wrath, information on her was likely at a premium – Vowrawn hadn’t needed much time to dig up who she was related to, and where they lived. “Some gifts?” she repeats warily. “Does he specify?”

“Only that it’s what anyone of your rank should possess. I’m afraid I’m as in the dark on this as you, my lord.”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out what loot he sent, right?” Vette chimes in, undaunted by the flat look it gets her in return. “What? You know me – always willing to go look at some weird Sith treasure.”

“Treasure that just so happens to be in my family’s holdings. I’m sure that has no bearing whatsoever on your desire to go see it.”

“Weeeell, it’s better than sitting around a Kaas cantina all day while Pierce mopes about not shooting things and flirts badly with everyone.” A pause. “No offence, Pierce.”

“Only some taken, Vette,” he shoots back, leaning on the back of a chair. Quinn looks wearily put-upon and Rkorya, for once, wishes she could join him. But the banter is sharper than it should be, even Vette, irrepressible as ever, is a little too brittle and quick with her words. She’s pushed them hard, for her goals.

“Seriously, my lord,” she breaks in again, perhaps sensing the change in her mood. “It’s just... you don’t talk about it at all – where you’re from, your family. You... know all about us. You’ve helped us, saved us... you know all our stories. And we barely know yours, in some ways.”

Sentiment, Baras had told her, is weakness. Surely it must be hers, to be so swayed by words alone.

“It’s not anywhere near as important as you must be imagining,” she says at last. “I grew up on Dromund Kaas. I’ve never been close with my family – they knew I would either become Sith or die in the attempt.”

“Cheerful,” Vette mutters, raising her hands when Rkorya glances at her. “Sorry, I get it. No interrupting.”

“I know you... value your family, Vette, and you cared deeply for your parents, Jaesa. That was always impossible for me. Duty to the Empire always came first – especially when, despite my bloodline, there still was... much to prove. I was pushed to test myself, to be stronger than all who had come before. To proclaim, without a doubt, that we were worthy.” She allows herself a dry smile. “I don’t think they ever thought of what would come afterwards, and... neither did I, until you started pestering me.”

“Well... sorry. Unless you’re... glad to be here, in which case, nope, not sorry at all.”

“Glad we cleared that up,” Jaesa says, crossing her arms. Her impatience flares through the ship and Rkorya shrugs it off like a momentary surge of heat. The others barely twitch, by now. With two Sith onboard, they’ve grown rather used to the occasional display of temper. More sentiment, but she can’t help feeling proud of that. They are a ragged group, more bloodthirsty than disciplined, but they are hers, loyal to the last, and toughened by the battles she’s led them through. “So are we going or not?”

“We’re going. Quinn, get a shuttle, and send word ahead that the Wrath –” Her title still feels new to her, and to say it so firmly, know it as truth, is a little like a killing blow. A taste of victory. “– will be arriving shortly. The rest of you make yourselves presentable.”

“Of course, my lord,” Quinn says, making himself scarce. Pierce and Vette follow after, only lingering long enough to make it clear that they’re not leaving at the same time as he is. Quinn will still have an opportunity to be smug – he’d been after Pierce to tend to his armour for weeks.

“...That includes cleaning your claws, Broonmark.” The Talz grumbles, aggrieved.

<We do this only because it is for Sith’s blood.>

“You do it because I’m telling you to. There’ll be enough battles to bloody them again soon enough, I promise you.” That certainty calms them both, and he lurches away with only one last grudging rumble. She isn’t sure of what to do with herself when resting, even when she can’t deny that they all need it. Time to regroup, to arrange her affairs...

Past time, perhaps, to see just what she’s earned with her struggles. To realize that, here, at least, she has nothing left to prove.