#i wish i could let go of other people's perceptions of me like who cares if someone else thinks i'm smart but no

[dead-core]

idk how i expect to be functional or avoid brain fog with the way i'm eating (and drinking bc i don't really do great with water). it's so frustrating but i also can't fix it because increasing my intake just leads to like. obsessive meltdowns.

[tarotofhope]

PAC: Self-Care Tips For Your Own Well Being

(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)

Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.

Pile 1:

Cards: Father Of Wands, The Hermit And Politics- 7 Of Swords.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 1. Beware of snakes in your own garden. You need to stay away from people who are controlling, manipulating, taking advantage of you, those who are not grateful for you being there for them. It also seems like you're not able to tell good people from bad ones, because of this, you might also sometimes have a wrong judgement of certain people. Your self care tip would be to keep yourself away and safe from people who seem to be your friend/good towards you, but is actually a backbiter. Some may be rude towards you openly as well, people/friends/family who use you or talk to you only when they want something from you and then they leave you, people who always treat you as a second option or a bystander. So, the card 'Politics' which is the '7 of Swords' card in tarot fits well here because people might be playing politics with you, backstabbing you, tricking you and what not. I'm also hearing defame, so, for a few of you, it could be that you're a popular person, famous for your work, and some people whom you consider friends might actually be slandering you behind your back. One advice is, try to observe certain patterns in people's behaviour, try to observe closely and decide for yourself. See, I'm not trying to scare you. It's just what I felt from the cards.

So I wish you good luck. Love, Light, Peace and Hope to you.

Pile 2:

Cards: 6 Of Wands, Ace Of Swords and Morality-Queen Of Swords.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 2.

You're someone who is in the process of awakening. Your intuition is at point, you're hunches are mostly correct. You're aware of your body needs, what it likes and what it doesn't, your mind and soul. People might perceive you as awkward, weird or they might also think that you're out of your mind, irrational even, but it is so because you have unique thoughts and ideas. Let them have their own perceptions. You just need to know that you don't need to fit in. Your ideas are gold, don't let others let you down. You just need to keep standing out and fight to remain there. You feel like executing a weird plan/business idea or project, do it. Fight for your passions. Your words, yes, your words have a lot of positive effect(either written or oral), speak them, write them, live them. Fight until you succeed, it's not going to be easy but it's going to be worth all the effort.

So I wish you good luck. Love, light, peace and hope to you.

Pile 3:

Cards: Death, The Emperor and Awareness-The Chariot.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 3.

I can see 2 phases here. It's going to be different for everybody. 1st phase is, some beloved one of yours, someone very close to you might have passed away, so you feel like the world has come to eat you, you feel so small, like this is the end of the world but no my dear, let me tell you one thing, only if you allow the universe and open up your heart shall you receive something better. Remember that change is essential no matter how heart breaking or soul wrenching. You need to grow physically, mentally and emotionally. Your life needs a lot more organisation, de-cluttering and changes here and there. Your body is your home, if you don't try to heal yourself, if you resist change, you'll not be able to function properly in the long term. 2nd phase is, you went through a huge glow up, you took care of your body and your mental health. Somehow, you look much better, much healthier, meaning you already went through change and put the required effort. You are much calmer and serene now. If you've gone through this phase, nobody would be able to break you.

So, that was all. I wish you good luck. Love, light, peace and hope to you.

Pile 4:

Cards: 9 Of Wands, The Moon, Breakthrough-Justice.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 4. It seems like you've got a lot of trust issues, my dear pile 4. You've build a wall around you and you don't let people in. You might be secretive and don't like to expose yourself in the fear that people might harm you or take advantage of you. You might also be very picky and have very few people that are very close to you. This all could be due to a heartbreak for some people while others are like that by nature. Someone here is also rejecting proposals and not giving love a chance. For a few of you, I'm also hearing guilt, you might also carry a guilt within you, it could be a past mistake, a wrong decision, a fault, a lie or anything which had harmed you or anybody else. Forgiveness is necessary, for yourself and others. There is a lack of balance here but you need to know that you will be fine. Not everybody is here to hurt you, so you can open up and as far as guilt is concerned, do things which bring positivity in yours and others' lives. Help people as much as you can. Fill the void. Be that hope for somebody, a helping hand for another and so on.

So, that's all.

I wish you good luck.

Love, light, peace and hope to you.

Pile 5:

Cards: 10 Of Cups Reverse, The Moon, Stress- 7 Of Wands.

Welcome to your reading Pile 5. You seem to want to have everything under your own control, which is not healthy either for you or others. You are either over-protective or very possessive or both. There is a lack of balance. You need to calm down a bit and let go of things because the universe has not burdened only you to take all the responsibilities of yourself and others as well. So, start surrendering things to the universe/God/ whatever power you believe in. It might be like a strong urge to do things by yourself and not taking the help of others. For some of you, this could also be a toxic habit of imposing your way of doing things on others/deciding for others unnecessarily even when not asked for. This pile especially needs to meditate a lot. Looks like you guys have strong leadership qualities which is a really good thing but using authoritative power correctly is very important. Some of you also have a habit of clinging to toxic people/your own possessions, which needs to be changed. I'm getting very maternal/nurturing energy from your pile. Remember it's an energy that I'm talking about which applies to both the genders. You're like mommy/daddy of your friend group. If this is not you then this could be your parent or your guardian. Either way, this habit needs to be controlled and balanced, even if you're the victim of such issues, you need to talk to that other person and create your own healthy boundaries.

So, this was all I got.

I wish you good luck. Love, light, peace and hope to you.

Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.

———————————♡ ♡ ♡———————————

[quitealotofsodapop]

Imagine how double heartbreaking it would be for the Noodle Gang + Macaque to watch the memories of how Wukong finds and then takes the stone egg back to his hut. The Monkey King had no way of knowing what this mysterious egg is or what creature will come out of it. Yet, he loved it immediately regardless and took it in. He would keep it clean, swaddle in blankets and pillows during cold nights. Sing and talk to it, telling it "I can't wait to get to know you once you get here!" Like a parent talking to a baby still in the safety of their mother's womb.

He was so excited, and gentle. A complete juxtaposition to how Peaches thought/feared his past self to be like. Peaches only had stories to go off of, as well as the biased perceptives of his past enemies. As he "grew up" under the care of Dadsy and Papa Tang, the Monkey King seem like such a distant figure that his baby brother was obsessed with, but he personally didn't worry about. Like, yeah, folklore figures do messed up stuff but those are all legends. No big.

Even if he never admitted it out loud, he had this fear in the back of his mind. That his past self truly was bad, a monster. All the people who knew the Monkey King personally are all unreliable narrators, so that didn't help his anxiety. And perhaps, he was scared, and maybe even unwilling to gain his memories back.

Because what if he becomes that person again. And loses his identity as Peaches. He loves being Peaches. He loves his family. What if gaining back his memories means he loses that loving family?

Prev.

All of this! ^

btw shout out to @soniclozdplove cus we be busting this au out in the dms

Peaches sees so many of his worries about "old him" get tackled inside the Scroll.

Because although Sun Wukong was hesitant to share his issues with others, he shared them with The Egg.

Wukong, watching the Egg: "You know I've been wondering... would you even like me if you knew who I was? I have done some stupid stuff in my life. I don't want any of that to affect you." Stone Egg: (*silent. Tiny brief pulse of magic glows from within*) Wukong, climbing up to curl around it: "You're right. I shouldn't let my past control my future. And you are my future." Wukong: (*rubs face against Egg affectionately*) Wukong: "I've been thinking about names recently. It's a big decision. The Stalwarts gave me my first, and Subodhi my second, and Macaque well... I've already told you how many he gave me-" Stone Egg: (*makes an almost annoyed "kick" of energy*) Wukong, laughing: "Ok, ok! I won't go off on a tangent like last time. Just know that *Peaches* is already taken, so you can't have it. Let's see..." Wukong, thinking hard: "There's one name I think would be perfect, but I want to run it by you first. I focused so much in trying to secure Heaven for my loved ones that I failed to see the Heaven before me... wish I had known that back then so you could have met him..." Wukong, wipes tear from eye: "So! How do you feel about Xiaotian?" Stone Egg: (*pulses happily*) Wukong, fond smile: "I knew you'd like it. My Little Heaven. I can't wait for you to get here. This world is so beautiful, I want to share every piece of it with you. Nothing matters more to me than that." Stone Egg: (*humming pulse of magic*) Wukong: "You're right, I'm getting sappy again... I love you, bud."

The Noodle fam stare wide-eyed at how the Monkey King had dubbed the Stone Egg the same name Peaches would suggest for his baby brother - the name MK was legally known by. How he treated the mystery egg as softly as one would a newborn baby.

The scene turns to the raging king ready to rip the Not-Mayor limb from limb - the Stone Egg held precariously in the Thrall's hand.

How the memory-stealing soup had been forced down the King's throat, the Monkey King distracted by the sounds of the egg's shell cracking prematurely.

And how he made good on his threats to the Thrall the second he heard the first cry of a newborn monkey.

How even with his memories failing; how he crawled over to shield the baby from the rain, cooing in-between worried calls for his long-lost friends and beloved.

Wukong, golden eyes streaked with tears: "Mihou! Please don't let me forget my Yuèhuā! Please! Yuèhuā!"

Macaque gasp at those words. To think he'd believed his mate willingly forgot him when the names he'd given him were the last on his lips?

The family sees how the Monkey King's last act of lucidity was to rip the royal cape from his back and wrap the little one in the red fabric. His golden eyes scanning the horizon for familiar souls.

When his mental slate had cleared, he immediately held the baby close and wandered for hours looking for someone in the direction his gold vision pointed him.

How the monkey demon suddenly paused on the road like a deer in literal headlights as a delivery truck hit the brakes to avoid collision. And how Peaches seemed to recognise the spirit of the driver before him...

Pigsy, getting out of truck: "The Diyu are you doing in the middle of the road, kid? You trying you get yourself killed?!" Peaches: (*scared/hopeful monkey noises*) Pigsy, expression softening as he inspects them: "Wait... are you... gods you're hurt. Do you got anywhere to go?" Peaches: (*thinks hard and looks down at baby in his arms, cooing sadly*) Pigsy, trying to hide worry: "Crap... look, I got a place nearby. You and the little guy need to get out of this rain and get some warm food into ya. Then we can figure... whatever the hell this is about." Peaches: (*hoots happily, following the pig man to the truck, limping from an earlier injury.*)

The memory ends, leaving the Scroll's explorers inside a vision of Pigsy's restaurant.

The memories of thousands of warm mornings and hugs, and meals rush past them. Bright and happy and oh so normal.

Sun Wukong fought for centuries to give young demons the chance to live amongst humans and celestials as equals. And that effort was not in vain as Peaches and MK grew to experience a rich childhood impossible for demons of the King's time.

So many happy memories are playing all around them that the Noodle Family are able to slow down and get a look at one another.

Peaches can't stop crying as he turns to his little brother, someone he'd thought he'd never even consider if he had kept his memories. Memories of a Him that he'd feared was an unfeeling monster. Regained memories showing a side of Sun Wukong that Peaches had not considered - that he had always been the sweet, shy, nerdy, family-driven monkey he was now.

And that he had loved his family from even before the start.

MK can't stop crying either as he slams into his big brother in a mortal-crushing hug. He had feared that Peaches wouldn't care for him if he could remember being the Monkey King. But now he had seen his goofy bog brother singing and caring for him long before MK had ever been born. That the song the Monkey King sang to the Stone Egg was the same one Peaches sang to MK when he was a baby.

Following after them is their parents, the two souls that raised them into the happy demons they are today. Turning to Pigsy and Tang, he asks something thats been plaguing him for a long time.

Peaches/Wukong: "Am I... can I still call you guys baba and dadsy?" Pigsy and Tang: (*pull their son closer to them, both teary-eyed*) Pigsy, looking Wukong in the face: "Kid, immortal monkey superhero or nothing, you're my son. My stubborn, brilliant, son who'd do anything for his family. I am proud to be your and your little brother's father." Tang, unintelligible blubbering: "I can't believe you still want to be ours! You're so wonderful! I thought you would have abandoned us after you learned who you were!" (*blows nose into tissue*) Peaches/Wukong, also blubbering: "I would never leave you! I love you guys so much!!"

Both sons and their fathers join together in tight hug. Not even godhood or the powers of the Underworld could tear them apart.

To the sidelines of this sweet scene is a shadow monkey feeling conflicted

Macaque hesitates. Although his heart ached from seeing how much Wukong still thought about and grieved for him, he still hurt him terribly. Peaches is a good man, why would he have anything to-

Peaches extends his hand out towards Macaque.

Peaches/Wukong, smiling in a painfully familiar way: "My beautiful Yuèhuā. I'm sorry I made you wait so long."

Macaque leaps forward to grasp the open hand in his own. The mated pair rub their faces against one another, cooing and chirping as they did as young loves without a care in the three realms. Regaining his memories did not quench the love in Peaches's heart, but set it aflame with the love Wukong had fostered for his lost mate for thousands of years.

Their relationship is not fully repaired no, but healing - and thats all they can hope for.

MK's indignant *chirp!* Interrupts the lovebirds' song. He empathetically points at the cracks in the universe, averting his gaze from the sappy pair.

So much joyous crying and hugging had taken place that they need to be reminded that there's still a world to save and a Lion's butt to kick.

[seramilla]

Okay so I’m on a SeraMilla binge rn. And it is mixing with my hyper fixation of Vaggie. So I know you do a lot with them but could you imagine. Sera being sort of mother figure to Vaggie while in heaven. In a way that Sera is a mother figure to all of the exorcists being aside from Adam she is the only one who knows about them.

So Vaggie grows up with an absent mother in Heaven that checks in with her every few years. And then goes to hell to then forge a mother daughter bond with Carmilla. Though this is still in the beginning stages.

So one day Vaggie comes over with another training session and sees her absent mother and new mother being a little to friendly with each other and just has to sit there with this information.

Idk how the interaction would end so I’ll leave that to your creativity.

A Seramilla binge with a Vaggie binge is a combination of the best binges to be in, hehehehe. Let me see if I can help...

Growing up among the Exorcists had been a lonely existence for Vaggie. Even with all of her other "sisters" around her, and the forced sense of camaraderie Adam imposed upon them every day, Vaggie never really felt that she...fit in with the other soldiers. She was great at what she did; fantastic, even. She had some of the highest kill counts among anyone in her squad.

But everything about it was so cold. Unrelenting. Unfulfilling. It was seeing the same faces day in and day out, having her body pushed around and shoved face-first into the dirt during their training drills, and eating the same boring, unchanging meals on the same schedule every week. She hated Taco Tuesday. Before she even met Charlie, she almost wished she'd never have to see another fucking taco for the rest of her immortal life. That slop in the cafeteria could barely be called food, let alone meat!

The only respite Vaggie got from the monotony was when the Seraphim came to visit. Every year or so, High Seraphim Sera and her sister Emily would stop by to make sure the Exorcists were being cared for. Vaggie liked Emily. The other girl was easy to talk to, and Vaggie warmed up to her much quicker than her sisters ever did.

Emily's sister, Sera, while a little more aloof and standoffish than the younger Seraphim, was kind once she got to know her. None of the other Exorcists ever bothered to do so...so Sera would sit and talk with her, and ask her how she was feeling. Vaggie can't even remember if anyone had ever asked her that before. Certainly not Lute. Certainly not Adam.

Maybe it's because Vaggie has always been a little smaller than most Exorcists. Nothing can help that. It's how she was made. But when Sera showed an interest in her, and returned every year to catch up with her, gauge how the Exterminations were going, and ask if she was getting enough to eat, it was almost like a reunion with an absent parent. Just asking the barest of questions, but enough to make Vaggie feel that at least someone cared about her. Even if only marginally.

After Vaggie fell, Charlie had kind of taken up that roll in her life. Not to say that Charlie behaves like a mom; she is very maternal in the way she fusses over people, but she does that with everyone, not just Vaggie. It took Vaggie a while to get used to her girlfriend's...intense feelings for basically everyone she ever meets. But that's just Charlie. She cares so much. And that's what Vaggie loves most about her.

And then Vaggie had met Carmilla. Now that had been an interesting turn of events. Carmilla Carmine reminded her of a taller, older version of every other Exorcist she'd ever met in her squad. She's got the same ramrod posture, the same eyes that could kill a person with just a glare, and that same stubborn will to protect those she cares about, like Vaggie possesses. She's also taken a particular interest in Vaggie lately. Like something shifted in the overlord's perception of her after that first "training" session. That first one had led to more, and more training led to Carmilla opening up a bit.

There had been something very...familiar about Carmilla in the beginning. Vaggie had chalked it up to her battling her sister Exorcists down here for so long, that she's just become Hell's resident angel expert. But boooooy, had Vaggie known the actual source of Carmilla Carmine's angelic knowledge, she might have been more prepared for the absolute spectacle that was about to play out right in front of her.

It's just a day like any other. Carmilla has gotten used to Vaggie just popping in when things are slow at the hotel, so Vaggie hadn't seen the need to call ahead. It's the end of the week, so Odette and Clara are likely out in the warehouses getting ready for weekend shipments. Those two work their asses off, and honestly, she kind of admires them for it. It reminds her of Charlie.

Carmilla can usually be found in her office on Friday afternoons, so that's exactly where Vaggie goes. The path to the office is now so familiar, she doesn't even need to ask directions anymore. She makes her way there on her own. When she faces the door, she knocks lightly to be polite. When Carmilla doesn't answer, she knocks again. Still no response.

Wondering if Carmilla is just having trouble hearing her, Vaggie lets herself in, because she's done it before. That's probably her first mistake. Familiarity breeds complacency, and that's a trap she vows to never fall into again. Not after what she sees in that office.

Carmilla is seated at her big executive desk in her big executive office chair, right where Vaggie had expected her to be. What Vaggie hadn't expected, however, is the tall (very tall) woman with hair like clouds and wings like fluffy down sucking face with the esteemed Carmilla Carmine. The woman is practically sitting in Carmilla's lap, and the two of them are necking like teenagers hiding under the bleachers after school. Vaggie is standing there, with the door open, gawking at the two women because she's simply too stunned to move.

That had been her second mistake, and the one that ultimately sealed Vaggie's fate.

Carmilla must sense she's being watched, because she looks up, and then immediately pulls away. Once her eyes meet with Vaggie's across the room, she launches the other woman out of her lap, who falls backward onto the desk in surprise, making a little "Oomph!" noise as she makes contact with the hard wooden surface. The woman's not hurt, but she definitely lets Carmilla know exactly how that felt.

"Carmilla!" the woman shouts. "What in the Hell did you do that for?!"

That voice. Vaggie knows that voice. Her brain works like a supercomputer trying to recall old memories, working out where she knows it from...

The barracks in Heaven. The training yard, during the semi-annual Exorcist inspection. Her conversations with Sera, when she'd felt like an actual person for once in her immortal life...

Vaggie's fears are confirmed when the woman stands, reaching her hands around to rub at her wings where they'd gotten squished beneath her when she fell, and then turns to face the door.

Golden eyes first meet the grayish blue of the other woman's, and then Carmilla's red eyes as Vaggie looks between the two of them, back and forth, over and over like her brain is still desperately trying to work out a complicated puzzle.

Except this puzzle isn't that complicated. It's 64 pieces at the absolute fucking most. Child's play.

It's Carmilla, and it's Sera, in Carmilla's office, kissing like love-struck teenagers at Carmilla's desk, as if this is just something that they do on a Friday. Like it's just normal.

"Carmilla?" Vaggie asks, speaking to the arms dealer with so many other questions implied in her voice. "Sera?"

The former Exorcist's vocabulary has been stunted to only a first-name basis. Vaggie pleads with them in name alone. The anguish with which she says their names...and all the confusion and frustration she feels at seeing her former, and current, mentor together, like this...without her knowing...

Both older women realize exactly what must be transpiring in Vaggie's mind at that moment. Carmilla stands, and starts moving toward the door, perhaps to try and explain herself, or justify whatever Vaggie saw before she gets the wrong idea...

"Vaggie," Carmilla pleads. "I can explain."

Vaggie doesn't know why she runs. It's the exact opposite thing that she should do, if she actually wants answers. Which she does. But it's almost like instinct. Nothing in front of her own eyes makes sense anymore. And when the sense is lacking, all Vaggie can do in the moment is escape.

She hears Carmilla, and then Sera, both calling after her. It isn't her choice to run, but her body forces her, like it has a will of its own, with so many of her other problems.

The last thing Vaggie hears as she practically leaps to the bottom of the staircase is Sera's voice shouting. "Vaggie, please stop!" are the last words her ears can catch, before she's out the front door and running down the street. Forgetting for a moment that she even has wings, she bolts back to the Hotel, and the safety of Charlie's arms, like the little pathetic coward that she is.

This was getting long. Let me know if you want more.

[thesummerpetsalamander]

Don’t get me wrong, I’m living for Frenchie and Colin but I wish they’d explored a different aspect of Frenchies back story this season. like how he finally escaped from his dad (did he kill him in the end or run away?) or being homeless and having to become a prostitute to survive when he first came to the states.

I’m also convinced that Frenchies dad actually killed his mom but he’s blocked it out due to trauma. If they went down that route then that would have been an interesting way of linking his and Colin’s storyline.

THISSSSSSSS!!!!!!

when little nina mentioned his abusive father, and when he mentioned turning tricks’ in a flashback, i instantly wanted to know so much more about his backstory. those were two story arcs that were already set up for him to explore! but instead we get him and colin, which feels a bit rushed and kind of pointless anyway since we know nothing about colin. we know frenchie is going to lose colin, there’s no way this will work out. but we don’t care if he loses colin because colin has no emotional weight on the story. maybe if we got to see colin and frenchie’s relationship develop from the start we’d care more about them, but it was thrown at us just for it to be taken away immediately in an attempt to force the audience to pity frenchie. but we already know frenchie feels regret for his kills. i want to see how other aspects of his past shape him as a person.

we could still delve into frenchie’s guilt for being a hitman — but let’s explore what drove him to become a hitman. like you said, anon, did he have to kill his dad to finally be free? did this + turning tricks in america make him feel like the only thing he was good for was his body — his physical form, only made to please or hurt others, only made to follow commands. we see how he yearns for true individual freedom, but he struggles so much to actually free himself from those who hold the end of his chain. why is that? why does he not let himself to decide his own fate when that is all he wants? does he not trust himself — after a life of listening to others, does he not feel he can think for himself? does he think that if he tries to make his own decisions he’ll fuck up, so he only lets himself do what others tell him? or does he think he doesn’t deserve it — after killing so many people, does he think he deserves to be kept on a short chain for his sins?

frenchie is SUCH an interesting character, and they could be doing so much more with him. i’ve loved how they’ve explored his character over the past three and a half seasons, but i wish they would keep going further. clearly he has issues with his perception of his own autonomy. how did an abusive, controlling father affect this? anon, if your theory about his father killing his mother is true (it makes sense to me), how would that knowledge affect frenchie? how did turning tricks to survive in america impact his own self image and worth. how does selling his body for survival — first as a prostitute, then as a weapon — affect his perception of autonomy and identity? who does frenchie think frenchie is? these are all the paths i want to be explored with his character. if the writers wont do it, give me the pen.

all my kudos to the writers and the actor for creating such a great character. to leave the audience wondering more about your character like this is a compliment — it means we’re invested and we want to see more!!

also anon, feel free to message me to talk more about the show!! having the boys brainrot rn and id love to discuss it. or you can keep sending anons!

[skyloftian-nutcase]

“Have you ever wished you were dead?”

Legend abruptly stopped in mid motion as he was getting ready to sip some of his cider. He glanced at Warriors worriedly, a million thoughts blazing through his mind and choking in his throat before they could be spoken.

What ended up coming out was, "You've had way too much alcohol."

Warriors barked out a tired laugh and downed another sip just to seemingly spite his friend. He glanced at him from the side. "You didn't answer the question."

Slowly, Legend glanced away, getting his bearings. “…Yeah. Once or twice.”

Warriors hummed, his eyes unfocused again, staring off somewhere Legend couldn't reach. The travel nurse felt his stomach knot at the sight of it, and he put his drink down, growing nauseous.

"Hey," Legend piped up awkwardly and worriedly. "I... you... have you thought that?"

Warriors didn't speak. Legend waited. His friend stayed mute.

Growing more agitated, Legend pivoted so that he was facing his friend fully, one leg tucked under him while the other hung off the sofa where they were sitting.

"Look," Legend started, unable to keep the sharp edge out of his tone, unable to keep his own emotions under control at the turn this conversation was taking. "We've seen some shit, both of us. I'm not about to tell you how you should feel. I don't know what you've been through. But you'd better be damn sure I'll get on your sorry ass if you start thinking of different ways to die.

"I've had days where I wish I could just stop breathing. But you know what kept me going? Every damn shift in that blasted emergency department. Because as much shit as we see, we see why we do it, we see so many people dying but we see how precious their lives are too. Remember the fifteen family members for that one lady who died? Remember how many lives she touched? You... you remember that one guy, the one we all fought so damn hard to save and died anyway? You remember how he had no one, how we'd known him for all of a couple hours and it still hit us like he was our own? Don't you fucking dare for one one second think your life isn't important. I don't give a fuck if you think it doesn't matter, or you think you're worthless because you're fucking not."

Rising up from the couch, face flushed, he continued, "I don't care if your brain doesn't accept what I'm saying. I don't fucking care. Your perception of reality isn't mine, you got that? If you think you're worthless that doesn't mean the whole world does. It just means you need help. Because nobody should be thinking like that about themselves, okay? Like we all have dips and that's just life, but you should never want to die, you got that? If you're feeling that way you'd better fucking listen, because I'm going to--"

"Legend," Warriors interrupted quietly with a soft smile. "I'm not feeling that way right now."

Legend froze in mid tirade, mouth agape as he was about to continue ranting, and then he let out a shaky breath with a defeated, embarrassed, "Oh."

There was a long pause, and then Legend said, "Well, good. Thanks for scaring me, idiot."

Warriors laughed, reaching forward and grabbing Legend by the shirt and dragging him into a hug. Legend yelped and spluttered, but sighed in defeat and hugged his friend in return, melting into the embrace.

"You're right," Warriors said as he squeezed Legend even tighter. "No matter what our minds whisper in the dark, we shouldn't listen to it. There's too much at stake. Every one of us matters, and if our heads are ever in a space where we can't accept that, I also know there are others who care about me. I can live for them, if nothing else... until I can make myself a little better."

Easing up, he pushed Legend away just a hair so he could look him in the eye. "You know that you have so many who care about you too, right? It's not just everyone's life is precious except mine."

Legend rolled his eyes dramatically. "For the love of--I'm the one who just told you--"

"I'm not talking about what you said to me, Ledge. I'm talking about how you feel about yourself."

The travel nurse sobered and then sighed. "I know. I know others care about me. And I've seen what happens when people don't think that way, what happens to their loved ones who are left behind to pick up the pieces that you can never pick up. I never want to go through that."

His voice cracked and he snapped his mouth shut. Damn alcohol. He shouldn't have had so much. Pushing away, he rose and took a step from his friend to get some composure back. Then he let out a sad laugh. "Aren't we just a fucked up pair?"

Warriors chuckled at that, rising and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah, but that doesn't change how amazing we are. Naturally, I'm a little more amazing than you--"

"Like hell you are."

"I'm clearly the better nurse."

"The only thing you have in spades beyond me is your fat ego."

"Nonsense, your head's pretty inflated, too."

"Maybe so," Legend relented, the fight draining out of him. He glanced at Warriors, suddenly open and vulnerable. "You... you do know I love you, right?"

Warriors' smile faded, just a hair, just enough for the gentle surprise to take hold as his eyebrows rose slightly. Then it returned, soft and relieved and so, so warm. "Yeah. I know."

[neptunes-sol-angel]

Single Since Birth ♡

This is a pick a card reading containing short messages of guidance for those who have been single since birth.

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Pile One

You could be feeling as if you'll be stuck in this beginning stage of having no experience with romantic relationships forever but the message here for you is to not make yourself available to everyone out of impatience. There's so much love out there for you, and it will come when the time is right, but be careful with your desperation to avoid a situation that'll make you wish to feel stuck in this phase of not being tampered with. Your lessons right now that the universe is dishing out to you right now is to weed out the charmers that take your lack of experience as leeway to give you a false perception of what to accept out of love. I'm getting that you're highly vulnerable to those who tend to love bomb and make their exit in the nastiest and coldest way. Take this time of being single to learn more about what's actually healthy for you. Love is not something that you should "work" for in doses or be overwhelmed with for a day, some weeks, or some months until it declines to nothing. You're being guided to discern what is love and what is infatuation. You understand that you're someone that can give love in abundance and romanticize the feeling of love exuberantly, this stagnation is happening so that you don't get sucked of that enthusiasm dry from a person with malicious intent before you even get a glimpse of individuals who have the potential of being your life partner but most importantly someone that will love you in the way that you deserve.

Pile Two

The "Money vs Love" card popped out. I don't think that this message strictly is about finances though, this is more so about value. I understand that you really want someone, but your desire is going into extremes to the point to where you don't have any boundaries, or you're severely lacking them. You need to raise your standards. I feel like you're drawn to people in a way that you're throwing out your specific wants and needs in order for someone else to feel appreciated because you feel it will be reciprocated back—but it's not effectively leading you anywhere into a committed relationship. I'm getting that this is pulling you towards unrequited love situations or people in general trying to play you as if you're beneath them. You need to be more conceited about yourself and know your worth. It is absolutely okay to admit that you're better than someone or that you require more. Let me tell you why. Kindness, patience, and hyper-humility is not something that can be given for love, or make someone love you because love is not bought. Regardless if you have an outlook that's positive or more on the negative side about yourself, people are never going to see you the way that you do. The beautiful things that make you shine is definitely seen by others and it can either make them admire you or envy you. Being in a relationship with someone who's intimidated by your being and what you have is a painful thing that burns you in the end. Your love life is stagnant because spirit is redirecting you from the people that are not for you—you cannot have a healthy and genuine relationship with someone that doesn't see you as their equal. People can only give to you what they already have. Don't be patient for the wrong people, be patient with yourself , your journey and its pace so that the right person will come. You deserve your dream person you know? Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Do not settle.

Pile Three

You need to stop blocking your blessings by thinking that they don't exist 🙃 Love exists and it will be packaged and delivered on divine express timing right at your doorstep, but how will you recieve it by not opening up that door? Be more optimistic about your love life and take that leap of faith with opening your heart again to the idea of being loved by someone else and you loving them. Stop self sabotaging yourself by believing that you're unlovable or that love doesn't live where you reside. I see you indulging in your career and education and believe me I understand. What else can you focus on if you can't have what you want right now? I get it, it's definitely frustrating, but balance yourself to a point to where you're active in all facets of your life instead of purposefully missing out. When a tree is in its dormant state, it may be asleep, but it's still alive. Allowing yourself to sit and be in receiving mode doesn't mean that you have to wait for it, they key is to still be open to it. When I say that there's a package out there right now for you, I mean that. Just sit tight because "the one" is on their way to you and the way that they'll make you feel is going to make you thankful that you didn't decide to shut this opportunity out. Never let the idea of heartbreak or time cuff you into fear, there's this specific part in the song "room for happiness" that I'm thinking about. "Sometimes it's worth to have lost than to have never had at all".

Pile Four

There is someone that you're probably invested in right now or in separation with someone that you never got to be in an actual relationship with yet. The "Atlantis" card popped up for you guys. I'm seeing this as history being lost to distance both physically and spiritually, but because of the history, you're using this as an excuse to cling onto what's in the past to prevent yourself from creating a new addition to your future. This pile is weird. I feel like you could have suspicions about this individual being your person and you are right. But the message that I'm getting is to continue to keep looking at your other options, do not wait for this other person to get themselves together so that you two can be together. There is so much more for you to experience in this life and other people to love, you don't want to miss that opportunity by putting all of your eggs in one basket. Continue to put yourself out there and be more spontaneous with your love life. There's more to life than holding yourself back to reserve yourself to just one person who isn't doing the same with their own free will. Mirror that. Not in a way that's petty, but because you have a life to live to.

[furiousgoldfish]

When abused children get bullied at school it sends a slightly different message to them.

Bullying in general, can be terrifying because of the violence, destruction, toxic social hierarchy that is imposed on the bullied child, the humiliation and the social abuse can be traumatic and scarring, and there's a lack of protection, social isolation and knowledge that even in the public setting, you can be hurt and others will do nothing to help you, nobody will stand up for you. That is, ultimately, rejection from your entire social circle; you're unwanted among your peers, they don't find you worthy of saving, or physical safety. It makes you distrust the society, and the good in people.

But abused kids also get this at home, so it's nothing new; for those abused extensively at home, bullying can even seem like not such a big deal. It was like that for me. When life at home would be a constant death threat, few kids at school destroying my things and mocking me in public seemed like a minor inconvenience. Nothing short of life-threatening violence would even upset me, and the kids at my high school weren't looking to go that far.

Looking back though, I understand that it did more than upset me, it let me know that I'm unwanted everywhere. For those abused in their homes, the only hope is the escape in the outside world, where we could dream, that someone would care enough to make sure we're safe, that the don't die from lack of resources, that we could possibly be loved and protected. But bullying puts an end to that hope before we can even start. It tells us, no, public is just the same as home. There's nothing for you anywhere, we don't want you either. It's going to be the same for you everywhere. It's because you're different and weird and unlovable that this is happening to you; you can see it's not happening to other people, so it must be your fault directly that everyone hates you.

I haven't realized for a long time, how far it reinforced the message of the abusive parents, that I deserve this. That in my case, it was normal, and that I'm ultimately unlovable and nobody could possibly want or protect me. 'Something is wrong with you so we're going to hurt you' is the mantra both of the bullies, and the abusive parents. It goes hand in hand. And having no space where I could relax or feel like I'm not going to get hurt, made the world a worse place for me to live in. Regardless of whether I fought back or not, it didn't change the fact that I was surrounded with people who wished to hurt me, and would take any chance to do so. It made me feel that there is no escape. I was just too weird and something was deeply wrong with me, and everyone could see it and agree upon it.

Except it's not true. Nothing was wrong with me, I was only unprotected. I would have been just fine left alone. Nothing I did was any incentive for any of these people to do harm to me. It was their choice to do so, to make the world less safe for those who don't have anyone standing in their corner, and nowhere to turn to.

What society tells us about us sticks with us for a long time. A message repeated long enough, from enough sources, will end up etched in our brain, without us having the ability to scrub it off. We're sensitive to how we're being perceived, and out perception is affected by what other tell us about us. So when people tell us the worst possible things, no matter how untrue, they stick. We can't know immediately, that they're saying it only to excuse and rationalize their own gross actions. We can't know that they need to say it, in order to frame their crimes against us as just and normal, when they're anything but. It takes intense and conscious training to link people's spoken opinions of us, to what they're intending to do to us. It takes a lot to realize that when they're talking with hatred in their voice about us, they're doing so only in order to create a fake scenario in which they are allowed to hurt us. They don't know or perceive us at all, they only perceive a situation where they can get away with causing harm. Our only crime is existing, unprotected.

[ryuyejiho]

"Let's keep it a secret" - Lee Know

Pairing: Lee Know x Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff

Warnings: 18+, Smut, Fingering, Sex

Summary: After break up with your boyfriend, Minho finally has the opportunity to get closer to you and you will finally get a taste of his other side.

Word Count: ~3 k

Part 2 - "Understand my own feelings"

________________________________

I have always loved movie nights where evenly every month my friends, my boyfriend and I would watch a variety of movies from the evening until the morning.

However, now it was different.

Hyunjin who had been my boyfriend for over three years decided to break up with me and Minho who is his best friend started to take advantage of this and make dirty jokes in my direction. Recently, he even went a step further and started touching me in a way he certainly shouldn't do as just my friend.

And the worst part of it all is that I like it even though I don't want to like it. I just can't stop thinking about him, the way he looks at me, the way his voice changes when he tells me something dirty and the way his hands touch my body.

Every night before bed I even uncontrollably start imagining what it would be like if we got closer to each other. I wish I could feel him closer, his hands on me, his lips on mine. To hear him whisper compliments in my ear, he often does but I want it to be more intimate than it is now.

I want to feel the weight of his body on me, the way his member pushes my insides apart....

My contemplation was interrupted by a feeling as if someone was watching me. I pulled my eyes away from the TV and looked to the side. I immediately saw Minho who was looking at me with squinted eyes and smirking like he always do.

I rolled my eyes and looked away from him but I could still feel him looking at me.

Just as I was about to give him my attention he suddenly stood up and, saying he was going to get more beers, left the living room. I breathed deeply which did not escape the attention of Hyunjin who sitting on the floor, looked at me out of the corner of his eye but I decided to not care about him.

After a while Minho came back with a bunch of beers which he placed on the table in front of the TV and without even looking back sat down next to me.

He was so close that our thighs rubbed against each other at his slightest movement, especially when he began to pull his hoodie off. I wanted to gently move away from him but then he put a blanket over our legs. I looked at him surprised and my eyes widened when I felt his hand on my thigh under the blanket he covered us with. He put his other hand behind his head and watched the movie as if nothing ever happened.

I tried not to pay attention and watch as well, but when he started squeezing my thigh I couldn't stay indifferent. I looked at him warningly but he smilingly started stroking my thigh, each time higher and higher.

I could feel my breathing becoming uneven which he noticed because he brought his face closer to me and blew lightly on my cheek.

"You're blushing honey. Try to act normal then no one will notice," he whispered right into my ear and kissed its lobe. In shock I started to look around at all the people in the room but fortunately no one noticed anything. We sat on the sofa behind everyone who decided to spread out on blankets on the floor.

I bit my lip and turned my head away from Minho when he began to kiss my neck in a barely perceptible way, along with squeezing and stroking my thigh.

I could feel the excitement growing in me, but I became to chase away all the thoughts that were going through my head at that moment. I wanted to move away from him before it was too late and someone saw us. I looked at Hyunjin who was not paying attention to anything around him at all, everyone was focused on the movie. I also became focused but then I felt Minho's fingers teasing my pussy. I grabbed his wrist and wanted to push his hand as far away from me as possible but then he looked at me and shook his head with an angry expression.

"Minho stop, someone will notice it soon," I whispered close to his ear so that no one else would hear. He, however, only smirked and massaged my sensitive spot harder through the material of my pants. I clenched my teeth tightly not wanting to make any sound but then he grabbed my hand and placed it on his thigh.

I had never even hugged him so touching his muscular thigh that I thought about every night made me instantly hot. Willing not to, I started breathing faster and heavier, my thoughts immediately overshadowed by the image of how close my hand was to his penis.

All this time he was looking at me with his characteristic smirk, his gaze going from my eyes to my lips, my breasts which were obscured only by a thin top. I involuntarily began to look at his lips which at that moment seemed even plumper than usual. I had a great desire to kiss him and just as I was about to start moving closer I heard Felix's voice

"everything okay there with you two?" I immediately became stressed and looked at him and when I was about to say something to explain myself Minho quite comfortably said

"I think she may have a fever. She's all lit up and even this morning she said her throat hurts" at his words everyone looked at us. I didn't know what to do so I was just sitting quietly.

"you are indeed all red in the face" spoke up Felix

"maybe go to the bathroom upstairs, there is a thermometer there then measure the temperature and if you want to Y/N you can go to bed now. You can spend the night in my bed" Chan knew perfectly well that parting with Hyunjin equals no room for me in their dorm.

Minho nodded and got up quickly, pulling me up by my hand. I only had time to say short goodbye when we quickly climbed up the stairs to the floor where the guys' rooms were located.

Minho was still holding my hand and pulling me along. We passed the aforementioned bathroom and went to the very end of the hallway where his room was located. We went inside and I was immediately pressed against the door making it close with a loud hit.

Min pressed his hips against mine, locking the door shut and putting his hands on two sides of my head. I could feel his erection perfectly but I didn't pay attention to it, or at least I didn't let it show. I raised my hand placing it on his chest and wanted to push him away but he, as if reading my mind, caught it and pressed it against the door above my head.

"Do you think you'll escape from me?" He asked grabbing my other hand and placing it in the same place. He raised an eyebrow and looked at me with a smirk. I involuntarily started looking at his lips again which he noticed and moved closer so that our lips were almost touching.

We were both breathing fast, looking into each other's eyes. I was busy thinking about how beautiful his eyes were when I didn't even feel his one hand let go of mine and began to rub it along my side and hip.

I took a deep breath at which he tilted his head slightly to the side as if he was thinking about something. After a while, he kissed my neck in the sexiest way, alternately kissing, biting and licking my skin. He went lower and lower and when he reached the material of my top he looked into my eyes and gently pulled it down with his finger. Without breaking eye contact he went back to kissing my skin and when he went to my breasts, the lowest my top allowed him to go, he went back up and gently licked the skin behind my ear.

"I want you. I want you so much. But can I have you?" he whispered into my ear between kisses. In response to his question, I began to move my hips from side to side wanting to let him know that I wanted him too.

Feeling me rub my hips against his penis he groaned and looked at me. For a long moment we looked into each other's eyes gently rubbing against each other, but when my gaze landed on his lips again in the blink of an eye he started kissing me.

Finally I could feel his beautiful full lips on mine, he kissed so wonderfully that I momentarily forgot about the whole world. I forgot that our friends were sitting below us, that my ex-boyfriend whom I still loved was there.

The only thing that mattered at that moment was Minho and how wonderfully he kissed me. His two hands were already stroking my entire body, getting bolder and more intense with each passing moment. I placed my hands on his broad shoulders and played with his lengthy hair weaving my fingers into it and pulling it.

We both whimpered between our kisses which also became more and more passionate by the moment. When Minho moved away a little to get some air I looked into his eyes

"You can have me Minho" was all I whispered and within a second he picked me up and walked to his bed laying me on it.

He quickly pulled off his shirt, it was the first time I had seen his naked torso. I tried to remember as much as possible. His muscular chest, his slight belly on which there was a barely visible scar that he had talked about several times.

He knelt between my legs and bent over me smiling. However, it was not his smirkly smile that I always got from him but a beautiful wide and charming smile. He put his hips on mine, placed his hands on the sides of my head and raised himself up on his elbows. Before a while he just looked at my whole face and started kissing it all over.

I started chuckles and raised my legs so that I could wrap them around his waist. Saying nothing he positioned himself more comfortably between my legs, pressing his member against my pussy and started kissing my neck again this time lifting my top up and exposing my breasts which he also started kissing.

"As soon as you came I saw you weren't wearing a bra," he said satisfied at which I wanted to hit him but then he caught my nipple between his two fingers and gently teased it while still looking at my face.

"it's movie night so I came dressed comfortably as if I were going to sleep" I said breathing harder and harder

"too bad you don't sleep naked" I shook my head and bumped his hip with my thigh which wasn't a good idea because by the movement he rubbed against my clit quite hard at which I uncontrollably let out a rather loud moan.

Minho was surprised but after a moment he smiled broadly and did it again. I covered my face with my hands out of embarrassment and not wanting to make any more sounds. However, he pulled my hands off my face and kissed my lips.

"You don't even know how much I want to hear you moaning so beautifully longer and louder beneath me," he kissed me again this time more passionately and lifted himself off my body. Pulling away from my mouth he pulled off my top and grabbed my pants earlier looking at me waiting for permission.

I nodded my head at which he immediately quickly pulled down my pants without even waiting for me to lift my hips to make it easier for him.

Smiling, he lay flat on the bed between my legs and began kissing my thighs at a fairly rapid pace. For a long moment he just looked at my pussy and when I slightly clenched my thighs embarrassed he spread them back and kissed my clit. I threw my head back as a wave of pleasure went through my body, feeling his single finger moving up and down between my down lips made my body tense up which he must have seen because with his other hand he began to massage my belly.

I looked down at him, just at the time when he brought his lips closer to me and licked me from the entrance to my clit. He looked into my eyes as he took my clit between his lips and began to suck gently. I couldn't help myself and began to moan quietly as we kept looking into each other's eyes and the way he sucked my pussy.

When he pulled away from me he spread my juices all over my pussy and putting his finger inside, at the same time starting to suck again. I stuck my head into the pillow behind me and clenched my fingers tightly on the quilt as his movements became more intense and faster. I moaned louder and louder, and although I had my friends in my head who could hear me I couldn't help myself.

Minho added his second finger, bent it inside my pussy and massaged my most sensitive spot faster and faster, alternately sucking and licking my clit.

When I was close to orgasm I started moaning his name. At that moment I had only him in my head, him and what he was doing to me. As if he guessed that I was already close he increased the pace of his fingers and raised himself so that he was flush with my face.

I looked at him with squinted eyes of pleasure at which he smiled slightly and kissed me deeply wanting to drown out my moans as the orgasm shook my body. Although I had already come he continued to slowly play with my pussy and kissed me passionately.

When he pulled away from me he pulled his fingers out of me and put them in my mouth. He raised one eyebrow letting me know I was about to do something so I started sucking on his fingers, savoring the taste of my own juices.

He was looking at me so intensely that it made me even hotter and I felt like I was about to reach orgasm once again from just him looking at me. When he pulled his fingers out of my mouth he moved closer to me at the height of my face

"Can I have you?" he whispered into my mouth to which I only nodded. I wanted to feel him, I wanted him to do anything he wanted with me. I wanted to give myself to him. I wanted everything I dreamed of to become a reality.

Minho, seeing the lack of hesitation in me, got up from the bed and quickly pulled down his pants along with his underwear. He reached into the cabinet next to him from which he pulled out one condom and returned to me. I, by this time, was looking in another direction being embarrassed by his nakedness which he noticed and caught my chin in his two fingers directing my gaze to him.

"Don't be ashamed," he laughed lightly and kissed my cheek. I took a deep breath as he pulled away again and started rubbing his penis a few times to put a condom on it after a while. Embarrassed I still tried not to look at him but it was stronger than me.

He leaned over me and grabbed my leg lifting it and placing it on his waist, directed his penis at my entrance and pressed lightly so that a few millimeters went inside.

"May I?" I answered him with a nod, stressing about what was coming in a moment. I wanted it very much but I was afraid.

Minho seeing my nervousness began to massage my thigh which was on his waist and kissing my lips passionately began to slowly enter me.

I arched my back slightly in delight at which he smiled between kisses. When he entered all the way in, he waited a while for me to get used to the spreading sensation that was caused by his size. He may not have been one of the biggest, but he certainly wasn't small either. He was medium in length but made up for it with his thickness. It felt like it was perfect for me.

After a moment when he started to move I momentarily squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. It was such a very pleasant feeling that it felt like it was the first time I had experienced something like this.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't my first time but with Minho it was quite different. I didn't know why I felt that way but I didn't think about it now. Not now that Minho's movements were getting faster and more confident.

Minho is a principal dancer so his hips never fail, even now when his torso was lying all over me and he continued to enter me faster and faster moving only his hips. I put my arms around him tightly as the pleasure became more and more intense. Finally I dared to do more than moan and spoke to him

"You're so good Minho, you do it so well," I said between moans which was totally enough to make his ego rise to a high level. Suddenly he got up from me and lifting my legs up he started pounding into me even faster and harder.

"Do you like it? Do you feel good? Huh?" I was only able to answer with a short "yes". I put one hand over my mouth to drown out my increasingly loud moans, but Minho took it.

"I want to hear you, your lovely moans. Ah, you are so beautiful" he said without changing the pace of his movements. I had never heard such words from him in my direction. We always argued and challenged each other, we were like Tom and Jerry.

I looked at him all the time and couldn't stop thinking about how handsome he was. I had always thought of him that way but now it was even more so when his hair was wet with sweat on his forehead which was the result of how well he fucked me. His beautiful big eyes, perfect nose and facial profile. Muscular arms that held my legs up solidly and a muscular chest that was going up and down at an incredibly fast pace. He was simply perfect.

I started stroking his torso and shoulders still moaning with pleasure but when I heard his moans I momentarily felt that I was close to orgasm. They were at the same time soft, hot and so awesome sexy that I myself tried to be quiet just to hear him.

"Minho..." I started to whine his name at which he looked at me and licked his lips "I'm close now, I'm about to come."

"are you close? me too baby, just a moment more and you will feel blissful" he said at which I clenched my eyes. In addition to his sexy moans, suddenly his voice became just as sexy and low, that my pussy tightened on him at which he let out the most erotic and sexy moan I have ever heard.

Suddenly I felt my body spread a wave of pleasure, my pussy becoming even wetter than it was before. I almost squealed at the sensation, I had never felt anything like this before especially since it was only triggered by his moan.

I non-stop moaned his name as I felt like I was in heaven and after a while I felt him himself tighten his whole body and bury his face in my breasts wanting to drown out his cries moans of pleasure

We both tried for a long time to calm our breathing and hearts beating like crazy. Minho lay on top of me still being inside me, not having the strength to move at all but I didn't mind. I didn't want the moment to pass, I felt very comfortable in his arms.

However, as if out of spite, just then he got up and looked at me

"I hope you won't regret this," I looked at him surprised.

"why should I regret it? It was amazing" Lee smiled but added

"you still seem to be in love with Hyunjin" after these words I began to wonder

Is the person I love is actually Hyunjin?

________________________________________________________________

[genshinfanboy]

His Enchantment

|Hello everyone who sees this. This will be a modern au. Where you've been long time friend's with the twins from Fontaine. I love Lyney since he came out and been waiting for some free time to write something for him. I have another thing planned for him as well as some other Fontaine characters. The reader will be taller then Lyney as well as super perceptive. I'm also no longer burnt out on genshin. Anyways as always feel free to change the pronouns to fit your own. Please enjoy and have a lovely day or night everyone.

Scenario: You've known the twins for a long time. Long before they were adopted by their "Father" and gained a younger brother. After being friends for so long they part ways for a bit. After you finish college you both reunite in an unexpected way.

Lyney x A Male Reader

Warnings: minor story, character spoilers, minor angst with comfort, mentions of being followed, mentions of a creep and long.|

Lyney:

Lyney was preparing a new trick. It was taking some time to prefect so his dear sister offered to go and get them some lunch. His only hope was it wasnt going to be something super oily or fatty. He pulled out his lucky charm that he was given by his best friend. He looked at it fondly it helped him calm down when he stressed about a new trick. His friend was able to see through most of his tricks but the taller male always acted surprised.

He was in the first orphanage with Lyney and Lynette. The three were a trio until (Name) was adopted. They managed to keep contact all that time. Most people have a distrust towards Lyney but he knew (Name) would trust him without hesitation. It warmed his heart. It always helped that the taller male had a good relationship with his younger siblings as well.

Lyney frowned a bit thinking about how long it's been since they talked. "I hope you haven't forgotten about me while you're away." He muttered to himself with a sigh. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Freminet and quickly put on his happy face greeting his brother.

Meanwhile while Lynette was walking with her and Lyney's lunch she caught sight of someone following her. She was being careful but still felt unease in her stomach. She started figuring out a plan of action. As she was walking a taller male approached her. "Lynette! Long time no see." Was heard from the man. "Are you ok? You look a bit uneasy." The man leaned down and said quietly.

Lynette shook her head. She was surprised to see (Name) back. She didn't wish to worry him at all. (Name) observed her reaction which to most people would seem stoic or uninterested but he noticed the minor changes. He scanned the area and noticed someone hiding not that far from her. "Let me walk you home then" He said giving her a warm smile. He held out his hand as to offer to carry her items.

After he made his statement the person following his friend came out and over to them. He noticed his friend's tail tense and ears twitch. "Miss Lynette seems to be uncomfortable with you sir. You shouldn't be so familiar with her either. She maybe famous but you can't approach her so nonchalantly. Not to mention i was just ensuring she got to her home safely." The man stated. His high and might attitude ticked (Name) off a bit.

It also set off more unease in Lynette. (Name) made a face at the guy's comment. It seemed like more likely he wanted to know where Lynette lived than ensuring her safety. He knew Lyney would lose it if he ever met the creep. He knew Lynette could handle herself but didn't feel right leaving her alone. He guessed it was time to put his acting skills to the test.

(Name) rolled his eyes. He reacted quickly after accessing the situation. This person had his eyes on Lynette after one of the twin's shows. He wrapped an arm around her pulling her close. To ease her worries and making sure she was aware he wasn't going to let this creep near her. She tensed before relaxing into the touch. It felt almost as natural as having her brother's arm around her.

"You're very mistaken sir. Lynette and I are together romantically. We're high school sweethearts. I can back to town recently and was planning on surprising her and her brother." He quickly stated. He could tell his violet eyed friend was surprised for a moment before nodding in agreement. Hopefully this lie would get the guy to leave her alone.

This made the person's eyes widened. "Well how come I've never seen you in the audience of any of their shows? What a terrible boyfriend!" The dude shouted. (Name) held Lynette closer glaring at the dude. He didn't want to get into a fight but would if needed. "As I said I was away at college. Also who do you think their very first audience member was? So you no longer have to make sure she gets home safely after all I'm here and she actually knows me." He stated matter of factly.

The guy got upset huffed and left angrily. (Name) looked down and met with violet eyes. "Let's get you a small treat on me. That situation was stressful for me I can only imagine for you." He suggested giving her a smile. "Also I assume you don't want me telling your brother about this?" He got a nod as a response.

"Got it. Guess you don't want him being super overprotective. I'll walk you home. Also sorry about my excuse I used it was the quickest way to make that dude leave without getting into an argument or a fight for now." The tall male said. Lynette noticed he had grown since he left. He also seemed more mature.

It has been awhile and so she'd like to catch up with him later. "You still owe me a treat." She stated looking up at him as he released her. He gave laugh. "Well lead the way to what you want and I'll get you it. Nothing big and you have to be able to eat it on the way. I don't want Lyney yelling at me." His face turned a bit pink thinking of the other.

The two walked walked together in a comfortable silence. The male was relieved that Lynette didn't seem tense anymore. The two got her a small dessert. They then made their way to her house without any other issues.

"Do you think it'd be possible to see your twin or is he too busy for me?" He said with a smile. To Lynette it felt as if he never left to being with. His presence just felt normal to have around. She gave a nod. "Wait here for a second. I'll go get Lyney."

After a few minutes of waiting he heard someone shout in surprise. It was definitely Lyney's voice. There was then muffled banter heard between the twins. Then he noticed a small shy blond hiding behind a wall. "Hey Freminet. No need to be afraid. I won't make you come out and talk or anything." He greeted with a gentle smile

Freminet hid his face even more. "Hello (Name)." He quickly and quietly greeted before running off. Which made the taller male give a small shake of his head and a smile. He never knew why the blue eyed male always ran away. He was at least always willing to greet the taller male. He hoped one day him and Freminet would be able to talk comfortably with out the smaller male feeling too shy.

It seems nothing has changed at all. Though (Name) knew a lot had changed. He wasn't aware of much about their "Father" but while away he learned bits and pieces. Now the twins he grew up with will always hold secrets from him.

Soon Lyney came down. "Hey now's no time to be distracted. After all you have a great magician standing right in front of you!" Lyney stated with a pout. "After all I can't be captivated by those beautiful eyes of you're looking away distracted. He hands were placed on his hips.

The taller male turned his attention to his best friend. He held a fond smile on his face. His face became a bit red about the eyes comment. "Hey Lyney. You made a mistake with your signature phrase. You said a great magician instead of my favorite magician." He corrected.

Lyney felt his face go a bit red. "But of course. How could I make such a mistake. After all I've left a deep impression on you for so many years. I made sure you couldn't forget me even after choosing to leave me, poor Lynette and Freminet by ourselves." He stated holding a hand to his chest. He noticed a pink hue dusting the taller male's face.

The other looked away from him again. The action reminded him of his shy brother's actions. As if the taller male was embarrassed or something. Lyney found it the perfect opportunity to tease the other for a bit. It's been a few years. Not to mention somewhere along their relationship the young magician had fallen in love with the other.

"Oho what's this I see did you happened to have fallen for me and leaving made you realize it?" Lyney teased slightly. He noticed he got no response back and noticed his best friend become a dark red. He avoided Lyney's gaze more adamantly than before.

"It seemed Lynette was in energy saving mode when I ran into her. Do you have a show later?" (Name) asked ignoring Lyney's teasing. Trying to quickly changed the topic. His face was already on fire. What more could Lyney want? He was sure it didn't mean much after all this was just how Lyney was.

Lyney leaned forward startling the other a bit. He was standing close almost in the taller male's personal bubble. "We do. However I'll only give you a ticket if you answer my question." He said. His heart was racing but he couldn't help himself. The reactions he was given were too cute. He also found relief as if there's a bit of hope for the other to return his long time crush.

His dear sister would call him madly in love for the other but he always denied it. He thought it was just a small crush. If anything she was simply over reacting. He denied it more vigorously once Freminet started agreeing with her. There was no way he'd be madly in love.

Lyney noticed their now very obvious height differences. There was no way (Name) had grown so much. He ruined the shorter male's confession plans. He was supposed to be the one to grow taller than the other. They made a promise of it too. Lyney was supposed to grow taller than him and then (Name) promised to marry him when and if that ever happened.

Lyney gave a pout for a moment before returning his attention fully on the other. He was now fully aware he'd never grow taller. There goes that promise they made as kids. He patiently waited for a response yet got nothing. He wanted all of the other's attention but wasn't getting any of it.

He pouted slight and moved so the other couldn't avoid his eyes again. He moved into the other's personal space. "Did my dear (Name) come to hate me? So much you won't answer a simple question. Do my performances bore you so now? I know you've always been perceptive but to this point." He said looking down. He was overexaggerating a bit.

"No! Why would I be here if I hated you? Lyney don't joke about that! We promised to trust each other no matter what." Lyney was captivated by the taller male. He felt a flutter in his stomach. He noticed that he looked sad at the mention hating the smaller male. Lyney could see the truth in his eyes. He'll have to make tonight's show perfect.

"Fine fine I'll stop teasing. Show up early tonight and I'll have a seat ready for you. I'll see you then dont worry it's going to be perfect." Lyney grabbed the other's hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. "I'll see you later I still have much to prepare."

(Name) was given a wink before Lyney walked off back into the house. His face was on fire from the smaller males actions. Was he that obvious? He just got back. He covered his super flustered face. He did fall for Lyney and he did realize it while being away from the other. After all how could he not. He went from being around the blond all of the time.

He loved when they'd do homework together and he'd catch glimpses of lovely violet eyes. He had definitely become enchanted by the other. At the times he wished Lyney would rely on him rather than taking everything on himself. He gave a sigh as he reminisced. His blush had become darker. It was refusing to disappear.

His brain was still catching up with what just happened. He was sure it was just the other being his normal self. Which didn't help his racing heart. He uncovered his face. His blush darken as he looked at the had his best friend decided to kiss before leaving him there.

He quickly shook his head and was about to walk off but pulled out his phone. He didn't wish to forget to message the other. His wallpaper was a picture of Lyney with Lynette and Freminet on the day he left. He smiled at the picture. Then pulled up Lyney's contact.

'I have no idea where or the time you are performing tonight. Also it was good to see you. :)'

He smiled down as he saw the sign that Lyney was typing out a response. He was about to head off but saw Lynette come back out. "So you've fallen in love with Lyney." She stated as though she had been watching the entire thing.

"That obvious? Hopefully he didn't notice. I don't think my acting skills can save me if he did." The taller male asked rubbing the back of his neck. His face still covered in a dark blush. He hid his face with a hand looking away. Lynette gave him a blank look.

"Why don't you bring him a bouquet tonight and just confess?" Lynette stated. She was tired of her brother's pinning. She also thought the two would never confess if left on their own. At least not direct enough for the taller male to get a hint. He tends to be oblivious when it came to Lyney.

(Name) thought about it for a second. It would be a nice surprise to receive a bouquet but he was unsure about confessing. "I'll bring a bouquet for both of you tonight. See you later Lynette. Try not to waste anymore energy." He said with a wave and a smile.

The tall male walked away. He made his way to a flower shop. He got two small bouquets. He made sure to get Lyney some rainbow roses. He hoped the other still didn't know what certain flowers symbolize.

Lyney had gone to his room and fell onto the bed. His gloved fingers going to his lips. Why couldn't the other see how clear his feelings were. He sat up and quickly arranged to get his best friend his front roll ticket. He got a burst of new energy. He was determined to perfect the new trick with in the hour.

Time seemed to drag on for Lyney. He perfected his trick and still had a lot of energy. Perhaps it was nerves Lyney couldn't tell. What he did know his how much he wished to see (Name). He had to distract himself or he'll over think and things may become a disaster.

Eventually time passed but not soon enough for Lyney. Though (Name) arrived just like he told the other. His eyes enchanted the shorter male. Lynette looked at her brother. His staring was pretty obvious he was completely in love. "Looks like you arrived right on Time. Any later and we would have had to let Freminet give you the ticket and take you." He teased a bit.

(Name) held out the flowers. "I was going to give you both these after the show but I didn't want them to get crushed." He said quietly. He seem to have been avoiding Lyney's gaze again. His mind was still hung up on how the shorter male kissed his hand. The twins grabbed their bouquets.

Lyney intentionally made his hand graze the other to see his reaction. He saw the other jump and another blush appearing. Then he noticed the flowers. He knew the other loved flower languages. He recently learned himself because of the Reporter from the Steambird always pestering him.

The show went super quick. Now the grand finale was about to begin. Lyney was up on the opera's roof to perform it. Perhaps this trick would actually surprise (Name). He got into the box his anticipation rising. He did the quick switch with the dummy.

(Name) was in the audience watching nervously. When he saw Lyney falling his eyes widened in fear as if the trick had gone wrong. By instinct he called out Lyney's name in panic. Then his friend disappeared into a burst of flowers. He stared in awe at the flowers while his heart pounded in anxiety. He placed a hand on his chest realizing it was a dummy that switched places with his best friend.

He placed a hand on his chest. He ignored all the eyes staring at him for calling out. As if they weren't all worried too and gasped when the dummy had fallen. With the show being over he pulled out his phone to contact Lyney. He saw a message of where to meet the other. He made his way over to the area.

He felt his body relax fully when he saw those beautiful violet eyes. His body reacted on it's own. He rushed over and wrapped his arms around Lyney's shoulders. He held them tightly. "I don't like that trick at all. My heart stopped when I thought you fell. I'm so glad you're safe. The flowers were beautiful but my mind was too panicked at the thought of you falling." He muttered in Lyney's ear.

Lyney looked surprised. He hugged his best friend back. "I get it I won't perform it at shows you attend again. How about you allow me to take you out to make up for it?" He said ears had become red. "Just let me hold you for a bit and that will make up for it." Was his response. Lyney felt the hold tighten slightly. That trick must've really scared him a lot.

Lynette soon appeared and saw the two. "I told you he wouldn't like the trick Lyney. He shouted your name when the dummy fell out of the box." She stated. Lyney looked surprised. He really scared the other. He pulled away from the hug to see the other's face. He noticed some tears and went to wipe them.

"You twins are going to give me heart attack today." He saw looking away from both of them wiping his eyes. "What did Lynette do?" The violet eyed male asked. He noticed the taller male stiffen. He noticed his sister give a reaction too.

"Hey Lyney that trick made me realize something. Though you never grew taller than me I want to try a relationship with you if you'd give me the chance?" (Name) said. He grabbed Lyney's face so he was the shorter male's sole focus. He was trying change the topic quickly.

Lyney looked at him love struck until his brain realized the diversion. "Hey Hey we will come back to this topic later. What happened with Lynette earlier?!" He demanded to know. He was given a kiss on the cheek before the taller male grabbed his sister and quickly started running off. "Nothing bye Lyney. I owe her a dessert. Love you." He called off as he picked up Lynette so he wasn't dragging her along.

Lyney huffed running after the two. "You both better tell me now! Doesn't matter how much I love you both I won't give up on this. You both need to tell me keeping secrets isn't cool!" He called out quickly chasing them. They were working together against him with Lynette directing (Name) and his best friend/ now boyfriend was running away with his long legs.

[mari-lair]

Thank you so much!

I used to really like Tsukasa at the start of the manga but his story went in a direction I hate, so I don’t think I’m the best person to ask about him....

I do have some things to say about the red house, his most ‘completed’ arc, though. So I’ll try my best, just this once.

First thing first, let’s get this out of the way:

Kou’s theory that there are two Tsukasas (one who was stuck in this house forever and “another” that pretended to be Hanako’s brother and was consequently killed) was proven wrong in the end of the very same chapter. The red house Tsukasa is the only one that exists, and he went back home after Kou told him about the future.

He only spends half a year in the Red House.

Tsukasa acts weird, and every adult blamed his behavior on the mysterious entity in his body that Tsukasa had named 'god’, but god isn’t in control: Tsukasa was the one that decided to stay in the house because ‘Amane hates him’, just like he was the one that decided to burn down the house when he changed ideas.

This god had to ask what Tsukasa was doing, so it have no access to his thoughts, and it seem to either be unable to fight against Tsukasa’s decisions, or give him full control. 

From the start, Tsukasa was the one who influenced god’s behavior, not the other way around:

Tsukasa doesn’t care about this god: He doesn’t ask it any personal questions, even childish ones “Who are you?” “Are you a good god?” “Do you have a house in there too?” “What do you look like?” and so on. He never tries to reach this god either. Is not like he is scared of the darkness out of reach, he just doesn’t personally care.

His view is very limited. He treats it as he would any ‘cool thing he finds’ and go straight to Amane to talk about it.

I’m sure he would only reach out to this god if Amane asked him to: Literally every thing he asked from ‘god’ have been for Amane. He is a four years old toddler who loves to play, yet he does not have any wishes or goals of his own.

The very reason he was in the house wasn’t to have his wish granted, it was to have Amane’s wish granted. And he wasn’t even stuck, he could leave whenever he wanted, but “Amane wouldn’t be happy to see me because he hates me”, so he stayed in the house, believing it too, was Amane's wish.

His only wish is to make Amane happy.

And when I say he only thinks about Amane, I mean it: He didn't spared a single wish to his parents, didn’t share that there is a god under the floorboard with them at any point. Is like they are an afterthought.

Even in the red house, alone with no adults, all he wants to do is play.

He never implies he misses his parents even when he tries to lure Kou by using Kou's dead mom.

It does not matter how loving and kind and worried his parents are, Tsukasa is indifferent about them. He has no interest in how they are feeling or to learn more about them.

His life revolves around having fun, which he mostly connects with Amane, so he always finds ways to make things about Amane.

His mom worry, and hugs him, and cries of joy, and Tsukasa does not spare her a glance. Nene shows interests similar to his own, but he doesn't want to learn more about her, just seeing it as an opportunity to talk about his brother.

He connects interest with love too. 

Ask him questions and he’ll assume is love. Show him worry. It’s love. Everything is love. So he doesn’t have a good concept of what love is.

People do affect him even if he doesn’t realize it though, because of such loving parents, he grow to genuinely love physical contact and trust strangers easily!

But he is usually very apathetic about individuals.

This “horror child” framing when he delivers the news is Kou’s perception of his behavior. He has a negative bias against Tsukasa so the kid feels eery and almost malicious.

Tsukasa’s mom also gets negative bias when ‘god’ start inhabiting Tsukasa’s body and gives him the knowledge to both know people’s wishes and their future, (something a kid shouldn't have) telling people how they’ll die and such with a smile.

Amane is smiling by his side in the same frame the mom sees this ‘monster that inst her son’, and it is pretty clear Tsukasa isn’t hurting anyone, as weird as he has always been. The mom just assumes the worst after he went missing for half a year.

So back to the scene with Kou: Tsukasa isn’t being malicious, he doesn’t want the people to be trapped in the house, or to see them hurt. He doesn’t care about the people at all: He is disconnected from it.

Kou is panicking, but Tsukasa doesn’t see anything wrong with what he said, or show any worry about Nene missing, mostly confused by Kou's behavior.

He shows nothing when trying to help the house lure people with their wishes either. No pride. No joy. No malice. Just a detached “Is this what you want? I can give you.” like a kid trying to give someone a toy they have no interest in.

The only time he showed genuine interest in someone without trying to connect his joy or amusement with Amane at all, was with Kou, after Kou explained his wishes.

And what does he call him? Silly.

He is a child, so when Kou was rejecting all his wishes, Tsukasa took things at face value “So this isn’t your wish? That’s weird the house doesn’t usually get things wrong, but okay. So is this other thing your wish?”

He believes if someone asks for something, that’s what they want, and that’s what they need. And if someone says no. They mean no.

Think back to his situation to Amane.

Take a look at how many toys are in Amane’s bed, toys that are abandoned and cast aside because Amane can’t play with them.

Tsukasa keeps giving him things Amane would ‘want’, unaware it just makes Amane feel worst for being too sick to play with any of it. He is too young to have nuance, not paying attention to what may make Amane worried, just shoving cool things Amane used to play with in his face cause “amane like these things”

Living in the red house only increased this belief, since the house revolves around wishes, giving this idea that following your desires and doing what you want, what you wish for, is natural, something every person does.

This greedy mentality is not natural for Kou, he is different from anyone that would seek the red house.

Tsukasa probably already had a “people should do whatever they want and not hold back!” view as a kid, but he assumed that wasn’t a personal view, it was just how the world work.

Kou is the first person that explicitly challenge this idea, explaining that everything the house showed is something he does want but that he is fine not taking. Making it clear he is holding back even for a child like Tsukasa.

Is actually really interesting that he saw all of Kou’s ‘wishes’ and when Kou straight up asked about his own wish, Tsukasa did not go in detail about Amane. He doesn’t bring him up, he just talks about his situation.

And idk what it means exactly? Maybe he thinks Kou won’t relate, much less understand his wish. Maybe since Tsukasa considers showing interest as a show of love, he is happy Kou ‘like him’ despite Kou's constant show of distrust him, and opens up a bit about himself. I am unsure.

Regardless he seems relatively intrigued by Kou, so Kou being the one to tell him Amane will die young, and challenging his view again, this time about the brother he is obsessed with hit hard.

“Just because you’re twins doesn’t mean you know everything about your brother,” Says the guy that entered the red house and rejected all his wishes, breaking Tsukasa’s idea of how “every person works”

The idea he doesn’t understand Amane sparkles the same kind of intrigue and excitement!

But since he is obsessed with Amane, his interest is way stronger than with Kou, he is delighted!

We have no insight of what he started doing after this, or how he changed while alive with Amane, but we do know something happened and Amane killed him. We also know he is Hanako’s yorishiro and that he is at least in part stuck to the past, still not good at understanding his brother considering he keeps calling him ‘Amane’ after death when everyone else knows he no longer identifies as Amane, but as Hanako. 

We also know his belief people should do as they please, regardless of wrong or right, hasn’t changed.

Though who knows what his goal is as a ghost, after all... Losing pieces of yourself is a very important part of becoming a supernatural.

[zv5x]

Yandere Riddler with a Reader who has a strong moral compass just like him? They believe most of the things he does, believing in stopping corrupted people, etc while not having Ed's delusions. So, when Edward actually kidnaps them, they aren't afraid to point out how morally messed up he's being and point out flaws in his plans and how contradictory they are, further breaking Ed's image of his love and of his pre-perceived perception of himself.

Welcome back, ZV5X!

Pairing : The Riddler (The Batman 2022) • Gender Neutral reader Warnings : USE OF THE YANDERE TROPE , kidnappings, toxic mindsets and abusive situations, mentions of yelling and raising of tone, psychological intimidation

"To me, calling this love is almost an insult." You clicked your tongue, letting your morality hold power over your better judgement. With a brain as fragile as this man's, confrontation was a near death wish. However, you poked onwards, picking at his delusions as ifit was cheap, chipping paint. "I'm not going to sit here and justify this behavior-"

"Shut up." His tone was flat, almost as if he was trying his very hardest to hold himself together.

He was warning you, and he would only warn you once.

"If anything, it's a display of power you feel you don't have. Whatever it may be, don't you dare tell me this is love!" At that, the man before you picked up a glass on the table and chucked it at the wall. It shattered above you, glass shards coming down onto your head and causing small bursts of pain to run throughout your scalp. You shut your eyes tightly and looked down, hoping that would shield your sensitive eyes from what would no doubt destroy them if contact was made.

"Shut the fuck UP! You don't know the last thing about love! You're a brainwashed puppet, only existing to fill your place in a society that wouldn't even care if you were gored on the streets! Do you really think anyone cares about you as much as I do? Loves you as much as I do?" He laughed, but not a laugh of entertainment; it was a laugh of pure lunacy. "No, no baby, that's not true and you know that." He walked up to you, kneeling down to your level and letting glass crunch underneath his boot. "You don't know the last thing about love." The man was incredibly gentle now, tilting your head upwards so he could look you in the eye. His glasses were gleaming, the eyes behind them half-lidded with affection. "But that's okay, my love. I can teach you."

"W-what? What do you-?"

"You have so many flawed ideas about this world. Like how it's changeable with non-violent methods, and how people like us live in a world where we don't need to fight back." He held up air quotes to accompany his words, giggling at your perceived foolishness. "I can fix that, my dear. I can fix you. We're both gonna be okay. All it's gonna take is a little focused effort, and I'll have you right where I am right now. You'll be fine, we'll be fine; and nobody will ever be able to hurt us again."

As much as it disgusted you, he leaned inwards and kissed you on the cheek. "It's okay. I understand you're wired differently than I am; that you're less likely to see the world in the way that I do. That's why I have to help you, so you can finally love yourself as much as I love you. You can't love yourself unless you come to despise the people that hurt you, (Y/N). Did you know that? It's a hard pill to swallow, isn't it?"

You didn't respond. How could you? There wasn't anything that could be said to convince this sick man that his ideals were incorrect. If you tried, you'd get another glass thrown at your head. You'd let him speak, while also scowering this room for any kind of useful objects or information.

There was a window right in the middle of many other buildings, which was nice. Perhaps you could come loose from your restraints and scream out of it for some sort of help. You couldn't help but smile to yourself at the thought of leaving, a gesture your captor immediately took to heart.

"I know you're just as happy as I am, love." Once again, he kissed you, and you had to refrain from gagging as his lips pressed against yours. "We'll start with that scummy public defender who lives about 10 minutes away. Teaching him a lesson would be a good lesson for you too, don't you think angel?"

[jasmyluv]

have you ever wished upon a star?

kazuha and scaramouche x gn!reader | wc: 1163 | you were their forever but they're not yours

~ Mentions of blood and death

Kaedehara Kazuha ♡

death has always been a familiar face to kazuha, having seen it once or twice. it’s been months since his friend's passing, he thought he finally let go of the past and it’s chains on his hands.

when he met you, you won’t believe how confused he was, asking anyone and everyone about this feeling, the urge to keep writing about you. he didn't understand, until he heard three words that changed his perception on life.

“i love you.” the phrase rolls off your tongue, as if it’s natural. as if you’ve known him all your life. he stares at you looking at the horizon. for a man with a vocabulary and a mouth like no other, it was truly a rare occurrence that you see this wandering samurai speechless.

the sunset in the background makes this vulnerable moment even more alluring. his eyes couldn’t leave your figure, why? he wanted that moment to just freeze and last forever.

well, just as a very charming kitsune said, nothing lasts forever.

kazuha has always loved the stars, finding its pristine white color and interesting constellations as captivating as the land he once called home. maybe, just maybe, these stars could compare to your entrancing looks.

on a summer night, an astrologist once told him, “kazuha, did you know that, if you're just so unfortunate, you’ll be wishing on a dead star? it’s unlikely you’ll see one just floating around in the night sky, but be careful. there are still stories here and there about dead stars and their effects on people. even i can’t see if these stories are fake or not through my scryglass.” she said, sighing as she looked over the waves of the ocean.

why tell him this? was he destined to do so?

-

he’s never wanted to beg for a divine being's assistance more than now.

he hopes anyone that could help would hear him. anyone. he wishes upon a star. something he's been trying to avoid. anything could be better.

why did it have to be you who died, trying to save some kid? why you? why now?

he prayed to someone, anyone.

"please…" he whispers under his breath, trying to stop the already flowing tears. he's never wanted to scream more than he did now. can't he just have someone he deeply cared for in his life? or is this just some curse he has to live with?

he sees your body, cold and not breathing. he's frozen.

"no…" he didn't mind the multiple footsteps running towards him, he didn't care for the screaming of that kid, he didn't give two shits for beidou's call. he didn't care for anything at that moment. he wanted to disappear from the face of teyvat.

"p-please. don't leave me. not again." his voice, barely heard by the wind. why was he crying? isn't he stronger now? isn't he tougher now?

look at him. such an embarrassing sight to see, a samurai crying over some person he thought was his.

could you imagine what his friend, who died by the sword of a god, must be thinking?

he really can't get a break, huh?

he thought he could face this phase in his life called death. he thought wrong.

archons, he wishes he didn’t greet you with such a welcoming smile, he wishes he didn’t meet you.

he wanted to run, he really did. to run to you. but, why couldn't he?

why couldn't he run to your arms, why couldn't he cry into your chest? why were they stopping him from doing so? can't he just love you again?

…

no, he couldn't.

he wasn’t supposed to be feeling these emotions called love. but, why was he?

you were gone.

so was he.

he was nowhere to be found, one with the wind, far away from liyue.

he wishes he didn't love you.

hah, so were these the effects of a dead star?

Scaramouche ♡

scaramouche has never cared for the stars, or gods, nor does he care for people around him. now, he’s praying to all the gods that they could hear him, all the stars that could see him, to just let you live, just a little longer, please. he can’t bear to witness another person he’s longed to be with, die in his arms.

“fuck… please. don’t-don’t go.” he stutters as your blood mixed with the rain flow down his arm. please.

that damn ruin grader, it wasn’t long until a surge of electro energy struck that robot, hitting the ground in the process.

he didn’t care. why would he? no. why would he believe that some lowly being like you would even love, not to mention care for him. more importantly, how could he let himself even think that you’d stay with him. tch, how foolish.

he cradles your head, caressing your cheek as more blood spills from your forehead, dripping down your face as his tears are mixed.

what is this, tears? why is he crying? he's not supposed to feel anything. right?

"…haha. this isn't funny, [name]. please, wake up."

he doesn't do anything, he knows you've already left and he hates you for it. but, he can't bring himself to leave you in the dust. why can't he?

he hugs your body as if it's his, crying into your shoulder. no one was there to hear his screams, not even a god. he knows he's done wrong things in the past. he doesn't regret what he's done, he never has.

perhaps his only regret was parting with you so early.

scaramouche doesn't know how to deal with feelings such as love. that's why you taught him how to. no one is allowed to be stripped away of what you want and your freedom, not even a god. but if you were stripped from your dreams, he'd do anything to get it back.

if you asked him to kill everyone in the nation where he was born, he wouldn't hesitate, not even thinking.

that's how important you were to him, and he to you. you've been through everything, from mountains to valleys, from the peak of dragonspine to the deep mines of the chasm. how could you just leave him like that?

even if he had to say, it was cruel, but he was used to it. he just still doesn't know how to deal with loss.

"please… wake up…" his words, interrupted by his sobs.

scaramouche, even if he thought the sky was fake, could and would describe you as a star. divine and pure, so to say.

he always wished that you two would stay together. he wished from stars to the people he once called family. the god of dust to the god of salt, he was desperate to stay with you.

well, maybe his prayers weren't enough.

if someone ever heard scaramouche call you a star, he'd be reminded of the many dead stars only he could see in the sky, you joining the many.

[faux-ee]

A Theory about Abilities in BSD, and why Fyodor wants to rid the world of Ability users

Originally, I want to delay making this post until I finish reading irl Dostoevsky’s Demons, because I personally find a lot of parallels between BSD’s Fyodor & Nikolai and Pyotr & Stavrogin in Demons, and I truly wish to elaborate on that. However, I just finished the 2014 TV Show Demons and let’s just say I’m moved to the core and nothing except writing about BSD Fyodor could give me peace. I will still be discussing briefly the connection between BSD fyolai & Demons characters in this post, but that discussion wouldn’t be so detailed because I tragically haven’t finished the book yet. 

Sorry I’ve rambled a lot. Anyways, here we go. 

In addition to the theory that Ability symbolizes trauma response, I want to speculate that Ability also translates one’s negative perception of themself into physical existence. In fact, in irl Atsushi’s work, the Tiger is none but a representation of the self, plagued by vanity and inferiority, that a person has to fight in order to not hurt people around them. Dazai’s ability No Longer Human is portrayed in the 15 manga as a hollow, dark being that only wears his skeleton — that is what dark era Dazai see himself as: non-human, empty, a walking ghost. Sigma believes that he is used as a tool by different ppl, so his Ability was information exchange — a tool for procuring info. 

I can list out much more, but basically, I think Ability is an outward manifestation of how BSD characters pessimistically perceive themselves (that’s why Ranpo doesn’t have an ability: he’s confident and in many aspects a child having not yet lost his innocence, protected and loved by Fukuzawa and the ADA). Or rather, the sad, violent, unpredictable self other ppl told them to be. Like Kyouka, who was told that her Ability made her a natural killer. This is why Ability is a pain: it’s the dark side of oneself; it makes Ability users believe that what makes them powerful, useful to other ppl, is this Self that wallows in existential despair, in its own insufficiency, and in the guilt of causing death. 

In Dead Apple, our main characters have to fight their own Abilities to achieve growth. In the ADA, Fukuzawa’s Ability keeps all other Abilities under control, creating an ideal environment for ADA members to grow into the better version of themselves. All of these point out Abilities to be trouble rather than strength. 

And Fyodor sees that. He sees that for people, Ability represents a past and ongoing pain. No, I’m not trying to justify his cause by presenting him as an all-knowing being. I’m referring to his uncanny ability of seeing into the heart of people’s struggle — his empathy with Sigma, Goncharov, Gogol and even Karma attested to that. And he thinks the only salvation from such darkness is Death. 

We already know that Crime and Punishment doesn’t prevent Fyodor from touching ppl, which means he has no reason to hate his own ability to the point of wanting to eradicate it. It is actually just the opposite case. In Dead Apple, Fyodor declared that he himself is the embodiment of both crime and punishment, which are a pair of good friends. He has made peace with the dark version of himself, has accepted his Ability as part of the truth of what he is. Inseparable with his existence. This is why he wants to kill ability users, rather than simply writing away Ability (if that is the purpose he can come up with a convincing story on that one page he already has): his Ability is inevitably linked with his existence; therefore he thinks the only way to take away this twisted, suffering side of oneself is to end their lives. 

Now, the second question is that, are Abilities an entirely bad thing? Like everything in BSD, it isn’t a black-and-white matter. We have seen many times our Stray Dogs use their Abilities to protect themselves, and the people they care about. We have to accept that there’s a side of us that feel insecure and unhappy from things we experienced, but this is also the side that help us sympathize & establish in-depth connections with people who are also suffering (see Lucy, Atsushi and Kyouka; Akutagawa and Atsushi; even Teruko’s understanding of Fukuchi may be a result of that). 

One of Fyodor’s traits that contributed to his extremism personality is that he doesn’t, or rather refuses to, connect with people. He sees people as mindless chess pieces who live under the lies they tell themselves, easy to manipulate once you grant them the fulfillment of their desires. See? On the surface level he’s on better terms with his Ability — his dark side — than anyone else, and thats why he seems to understand the desires and conflicts in everyone he comes across. But in truth, Crime and Punishment stood with their backs to each other; what seems as reconciliation is actually Fyodor refusing to come face to face with himself. He exalts his pain. He celebrates non-existence. He attributes all his actions to the god — yet as we can see in the two-page spread before his confrontation with Ace, “if god doesn’t exist, then I am god”. He turns his back on his human self, and instead chooses to obsess with the image of a god that is actually how others perceive him to be: the bringer of fear and death, murderer of children, dangerous force of destruction. He takes it in and flips it around, worshipping his darkness, his human suffering, as a source of power. 

I’m not saying, however, that Fyodor feels any pain or guilt I have implied here. He is not taking his revenge on the world because he is pained inside, no, let’s not go into that YA dark haired emo boy stereotype. Instead, he is wreaking havoc in the world precisely because he cannot feel this pain. Next will be some spoilers on Demons: one of the main characters, Stavrogin, confessed to a priest about causing a child’s death (won’t go into the nasty details; I’m still shaking from that), and yet he didn’t do it out of guilt — he did it because he wanted to feel proud and noble again, exposing his own sin to let others punish him with their malice, since he didn’t make an effort to repent and couldn’t forgive himself. Stavrogin doesn’t want to move on and trust his own ability to become a better person; instead, he tries to set the whole world against himself, in order to keep avoiding confronting his own conscience and continue to adhere to the false belief of his righteousness. [Spoiler Ends]

This might be a little confusing, but in simpler words, it’s similar to what Fyodor is doing: he doesn’t feel guilty for killing ppl; he hardly feels anything at all. He is a psychopath beyond redemption, that is what others see him as and what he willingly believes. He is excluded from the human world, he has fused himself with his Ability, turning himself wholly into an unfeeling, murderous monster. He forces himself to believe he is doing the right thing in destroying the world because he’s a coward. (Remember that Fyodor is supposed to be a foil of Dazai, and in No Longer Human Dazai calls himself a coward who’s afraid of happiness?) If he steps back and looks at what he did, all the children he killed, he would be forced to feel guilty, which he fears; so he frees himself of his humanity as well as his conscience to avoid accounting for his own darkness. He views the rest of the world as a sin because he doesn’t want to see himself as a sinner. 

OK let’s talk a little about Gogol here then because I’m fyolai trash: “In opposition to god, you’re fighting to lose sight of yourself” what does this mean? 

This is not actually a very accurate translation. The direct translation from Japanese should be: you are fighting to oppose god and lose sight of yourself. This line also kind of implies Gogol being associated with the military, since the word used for “fighting” here is heavily implied to be war-related. [Spoiler Again] Now, in Demons there is literally a character that resembles Gogol in every way: Pyotr Stepanovich is greatly fascinated with putting on an act, is a master of faking different, often ridiculous personalities to achieve his goal, and he is raising hell all over because he wants to uproot all previously established social systems, calling for a revolution that leads people into decadence and depravation. (AND he even also places the blame of somebody’s murder on an innocent person - while Pyotr is the murderer - as part of the plan!) [Spoiler Ends] This character in Demons is abandoned by his father, so he was always plagued with the belief that he was born wrong, and when his father sought him out only to exploit him further, he lost all belief in god and believed that chaos was the only answer to his empty, unloved existence. This shall provide an answer as to why Gogol thinks human feelings is a thing he ought to transcend: for some reasons his humanity might have been exploited to put him under the control of someone else. Even the person he’s closest with, Fyodor, sees him as a chess piece and he is well aware of that. AND the most deadly thing is that he is comfortable in this relationship because he is used to not receiving anyone’s good will. 

Gogol is many things, but perhaps the one thing that draws him constantly to his demise is the fact that he is unloved. He wants to free himself from humanity for an entirely different reason: he feels the constant need to prove that it’s the world that’s wrong, that what he sees is the truth - his actions are controlled, he is trapped by human feelings that never get acknowledged or responded, and these morals/feelings give people power to walk all over him, to use him as a tool. His Ability, which connects spaces, means that his dark side is exactly this need to escape deterred by his fear of being forever trapped by his own limitations. 

If I were to put this in a more religious light, since we’re talking about god and russians here, I would quote something from Nietzsche: The demand to be loved is the greatest of all arrogant presumptions. To want god’s love is to give yourself nonexistent sins for Him to forgive — this self-assigned sin is what controlled one’s actions, made one feel guilty. The futile outcry for love, and specifically for god’s love and forgiveness, is what makes people crazy and absurd in Nietzsche’s view. Gogol is sane, and is trying desperately to convince himself that he is so, by seeing through the lie that is called love. He denies himself faith and love in exchange for full control over himself. Why pursue something that he has only known to chain him down? Fyodor understands him, and plays along with his jokes, his games; he isn’t afraid of Fyodor’s understanding, no. He is afraid that he will grow to love his dear friend more until he is consumed by this human lie and forgets how much of a danger it is to his freedom. He trembles in his adoration of the man-god.

I have earlier put out a crack theory that Gogol is a foil of Chuuya. However, in this context, Gogol truly is similar to Chuuya seeing how they are constantly being used by other people, Gogol in a more literal sense since even his speech was pre-written; Chuuya allows himself to forgive and forget, and carry on with life focusing on the present, while Gogol becomes haunted by his hyperawareness of his situation and inability to be free. Neither of these attitudes are healthy and I say it’s no coincidence Asagiri decided to put Dazai, Fyodor, Chuuya, Nikolai and Sigma in the same arc. I look forward to everyone figuring out their problems with equally mentally ill enemies in prison. 

[eternalfarnham]

The core of Aigis's crisis, in The Answer, is that she has exactly two invested human relationships, one of which only half-counts because it's with a dog, and the other just died.

Note that in the post-Nyx "epilogue" month, where relationships formed via SEES kinda-sorta persist (MC-Yukari-Junpei trio, Ken and Shinjiro, etc.), no one remembers Aigis besides the protagonist, or even mentions her unless she's right there. She's some girl in their dorm. This influences her self-perception and indecision in the Abyss – Metis is the way she is, fixated on a single person and incapable of caring about anyone else, because Aigis was that way.

Compare/contrast Yukari – she ends up putting herself back into the position of "enemy of SEES," contesting them for the sake of achieving (the truth behind her father's death/the MC's resurrection), failing to acknowledge her relationship with Mitsuru (who takes her side partly due to the history between them, and who reminds her of that fact).

Aigis... just genuinely doesn't have anyone in the way she had the MC, not like Yukari does. The question of suicide via sacrifice is a real and legitimate one for her; it's why she gets Metis in the first place! Metis is both her capacity to care (the part of her that wasn't mechanical and rote) and her fatal flaw, her failure to recognize that there are other people to care about in her life, represented pretty directly by Metis insisting on being Aigis's "sister" and living exclusively to protect her. Aigis turned herself into an Arisato (complete with Wild Card!) and generated an Aigis to never, ever let her go like she wished she could've in the first place!

This is part of why I think Junpei's point, that they are nowhere near guaranteed a win in a rematch with Nyx, is so much more thematically potent than Akihiko's "respect MC's decision to sacrifice himself, because changing the past is wrong!" The world is full of people. Everyone's alive. "Accept loss" falls flat for me, considering the whole Great Seal thing and also, just, my entire understanding of life, but "there is no quantity of losing others you can experience that can make life stop mattering as a general case, because the world is full of people, and the best way to keep going is to keep caring about people and finding people to care about" works for me.

And this is absolutely not a tack any other Persona game could take about its MC! It's been noted that SEES aren't quite friends as a group, just psychodrama paramilitary coworkers, but it's that awkwardness and growing into imperfect relationships with one another that lets them live without the MC. Yu Narukami is more of a "most important person" to the Investigation Team – Yosuke, obviously, and Teddie, and arguably Rise – but they do at least have dynamics with one another, kinda, Chie-Yukiko and Naoto-Kanji.

Joker is the person who matters most to every single Phantom Thief, absent dead family members and NPCs who spend most of their time offscreen, and Royal makes it clear that they don't have the same "any cost" dedication to any of those dead family members or NPCs that Aigis and Yukari had for P3MC. Does Ryuji even hypothetically have more important dynamics with anyone? Certainly not Akechi. Not Yusuke. The Phantom Thieves would risk killing the world for Joker's sake. It isn't even really a question!

P3 was just so thematically aberrant compared to the rest of modern Persona that I can't help but admire it. I disagree with many of its takes, but by god does it have them.

[outrunningthedark]

I hope this doesn't come off as a homophobic ask, but as a viewer who hasn't rewatched the earlier seasons for a while I feel like it is in Season 7 where Eddie is the 'straightest' he's ever been. Like his whole 'bro' demeanor in Ep 4 took me by surprise. Then we have the scene with Marisol in Ep 5 where it is clearly implied he likes fucking her. Then of course those multiple dates with two different women. I just don't see how this could lead to a gay Eddie arc in the near future especially when all these happened on the first season with a new audience. I know he can still be bisexual and I wish he really were, but we just had that arc and I don't really see this show and network doing it again because let's face it this is still America and a lot of people will definitely think that it's too much. Thoughts?

First off, let me reassure you that you’re not alone in your perception. We (the people who interact with me and my blog) were ready for Eddie’s heterosexuality to be reinforced after 7x04 - and that’s exactly what happened.

I’m about to ruffle some feathers, probably, but I just have to say I find it verrrrry interesting that Tim initially thought about confirming Queer Eddie, was shot down, and this is the Eddie we’ve got now.

Eddie isn’t supposed to be queer in canon (so far)? Here’s The Straightest Dude you’ve ever seen, just in case there was any confusion!

The problem for this fandom is that they decided Ryan was playing Eddie as queer on purpose YEARS ago and they don’t know how to unsee it, which, as I said yesterday, speaks to an even bigger issue re: Ryan’s choices, his body language being labeled as repressed despite his own explanations for what story he’s trying to tell.

(Basically…they think he “acts gay”. But they know they shouldn’t say that part out loud, so they hide their feelings behind Eddie and Buddie.)

As far as Queer Eddie in the future goes, my opinion has been that it’s probably not something ABC would be prioritizing until they get closer to (what they decide) is the end of the series, assuming both Ryan and Oliver are still with the show when that day comes.

I think everyone knew they were taking a risk confirming ONE of the guys as queer, and while (thankfully) the response has been largely indifferent to positive (some viewers probably don’t really care about Buck’s bi journey, but it’s clearly not hurting the ratings), deciding the other half should go down the same path, especially so soon after, feels like someone is just ASKING for serious pushback because, unfortunately, homophobia still exists! (Just look at our fandom 🫠)

At the end of the day, though, it’s Ryan’s call whether Queer Eddie is the right choice for the character he’s played for six years, and as we’ve heard multiple times this season, his focus remains on normalizing close relationships between men without turning it into a commentary on sexuality. (Could things change? Yep. Will they? Only he knows.)