#i wish i could include the tone here. which was bitchy

[doctormage]

having MANY thoughts abt this btw

[thismaydestroyme]

Little Did I Know

Summary: In this short story Harry is famous, and he moved into a town during the summer to relax and potentially write some new songs for his upcoming album. I’m not sure if I’ll include some song lyrics, but if I do, I will take a piece of a lyric from a different song and pretend it’s his. 

Word Count: 2,272

“Sweetie, can you walk Cosmo?” Y/N hears her mom shouting from downstairs. 

“Yes, mom!” She says.  

Y/N is on her bed with her headphones on due to having a neighbor who’s living across her street who just moved in. For the past weeks there’s been a lot of moving trunks and ruckus because there’s a musician living among them. 

Y/N is a 21 year old girl who wants to be part of the music industry, but she doesn’t know shit. All she knows is that she loves music, and music is part of her. It was her dad that introduced her to music, like music that was before her time. Like Billie Holiday, Frank Sintra, The Rolling Stone, Queen, Otis Redding, Nirvana, The Knack, Elton John, The Doors, The Clash and so many more. That’s all she knew and all she wanted was to find a way to have that without having to know how to play the instruments, knowing how to sing. She simply just wants to go wherever the music takes her. 

She finally drags herself out of bed and starts putting on her sneaker and throwing on an oversized hoodie. She swaps her earbuds to her airpods and off to walk her dog. 

She walks down the stairs heavily which alerts her mother, and before she gets to the last step her mother hands her Cosmo’s leash. 

“Ugh. Couldn't you do - sorry mom.” She reaches for the leash that’s in her mom’s hand. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, darling.” She says giving her daughter a peck on her left cheek. 

Y/N bends over to put the leash on Cosmo’s neck, which Cosmo gives her a lick on her face. Y/N loves this dog of hers. He provides her safety and security, which she needs because let’s just say she has a breakdown every couple of days. 

Y/N stands back up and gives Cosmo a nice tug so he knows he’s ready for his next adventure. By adventure it means walking around the block she’s been doing for the past three years since Y/N got him. 

It’s around 3 o’clock which means the summer heat is hitting hard right about now. But it’s too hot to harm Cosmo in any way. Cosmo is the love of Y/N life. 

Cosmo and Y/N went on their typical route which they go past their new neighbor's house. Y/N realizes the new neighbor door is a jar, and she can smell bacon, which isn’t good for Cosmo because he’ll tend to escape and run towards the delicious smell he knows so much about. To Y/N not so surprise Cosmo started tugging on his leash that has Y/N being yanked and pulled. 

“Cosmo. Stop it right now!” Y/N shouts to Cosmo which she knows that wouldn’t help a damn thing. When he has something in mind there’s no stopping him. Cosmo has to be on something because it’s like he’s on some x game mode. Y/N starts tripping on her own feet and losing her own balance. 

They were running in the middle of streets when they received some honks and screams at fellow drivers on the road. Which Y/N give them a nice finger and simple “fuck off.” Y/N let’s go Cosmo leash because she isn’t in the mood to eat shit, so when she felt safe nothing could happen to Cosmo she let him go.

Cosmo went straight towards the slight jar front door, which I had to pick up my steps. Before Y/N could even be on the same street as the house, the new neighbor came out his house, holding Cosmo’s leash quite aggressively which had Y/N switch her mode to attack mode. 

“Hey, what the fuck? you didn’t have to pull him like that?” Y/N says aggressively while walking towards the house, when she gets in a hand reach, she pulls the leash so the neighbor doesn’t have his grubby hand on the leash. 

Oh you want to know Y/N neighbor? It happily to be Harry Styles. Forgot to include that in, sorry. 

“Are you getting mad at me? your dog happened to be in my house without any guardian. Your dog jumped on my couch, which I’m not too fond of. So anyone here who should be a little bit bitchy, it should be me.” Harry says hostile. He’s wearing a wife beater shirt that has his arms tattoos on display. For his lower part he’s wearing a nice black booty short which shows off that magnificent tiger tattoo. “Are you just going to stand there?” He snaps back. 

Y/N brought her eyes back to him which Y/N doesn’t approve of his tone. Y/N scuffs and rolls her eyes to the back of her head. “Sorry for your inconvenience. Enjoy the rest of your day.” Y/N plants a fake smile on her face. “C’mon Cosmo, let’s go, but this time I'm walking you.“ Y/N whispers to Cosmo while turning around to continue their walk with a small intermission they encountered. After a couple of steps Y/N turned her head around and when she did Harry was still standing there with annoyance on his face, which Y/N turned her head back around. 

“He’s going to be fun.” 

***

It took Y/N twenty minutes to walk her dog today. She wanted Cosmo to enjoy himself which he did because he saw a lot of squirrels today, and on top of that she didn’t want to ‘run’ into Harry again. Y/N should be excited to have a big celebrity living among them, and hopefully she could get reinspired about her future, but unfortunately that isn’t the case. Probably Harry is just having a bad day, and last year and the beginning of this year he had a lot of things going on. He’s officially a grammy winner, he filmed two movies, his latest album Fine Line has been doing phenomenally well, he was the first male to have appeared solo on Vogue magazine,  he was announced Hitmaker of the year, and so many more. So maybe he just needed to get his energy back, which Y/N understood. But man, it really had to be their first impression. 

When Y/N and Cosmo took a turn to walk to their front door, Y/N couldn’t help but to look across the street to see if Harry was there or not. Surprisingly he was, and he’s looking right at her. Y/N looked at his lips while he blew out a smoke. Fuck, he smokes?! 

Y/N doesn’t understand why he’s looking at her, but she doesn’t give a shit because the way he’s looking at her was his way of trying to figure her out. Whatever that fucking means. 

She broke eye contact and flipped her head around to her front door. She starts digging her hand in her pocket to fetch her keys out. Cosmo starts barking because the keys jiggles so he thought it was a new toy. “Oh you hash it.” She got the keys and shove it in the lock. Thank god, her mother didn’t lock the top of the door. 

The door finally releases and Cosmo immediately runs through, probably heading to his water bowl. “Thanks sweetie for walking Cosmo for me.” Y/N hears her mom in the kitchen probably smothering Cosmo. “Yep. I would say anytime, but I would be lying.” She says while walking up the stairs to head to her room. “Fuck off.” Her mother giggles. “I love you too.” That was the last thing Y/N said before she shut her door.

Y/N takes off her beat up vans and soon after plops on her unmade bed. Y/N stared at the few holes on the ceiling due to having a young Leonardo DiCaprio poster on her ceiling when she was younger. Young Leo hits different. 

Y/N couldn’t help it, but her brain went back to her small and rough interaction with Harry. She wished she met him on a  better note, but fuck it. But how could she move on from him? She’s a fan of his music and his viewpoint on the world. He’s a man of few word, but when he does talk, it’s fucking loud and impactful. He’s the main reason she took a few steps back off of social media. She’s barely on it, but when she does go on it, she isn’t on there for long like she used to. 

An hour went by and her mother started knocking on her door and then she came in. “You know mother, the purpose of knocking is to see if you're welcome to enter the space.” Y/N says nonchalantly sitting up to see her mother, but at the same time trying to hold in her laugh. 

“Well, if you want to contribute to paying the bills, I’ll happily reconsider waiting to be called on.” Her mother threw back. “Nope. You’re good.” Y/N says shaking her head. 

“Mmmmhh. Well, I’m going to hang out with the girls from work. Do you want me to make you something before I go?” That’s one thing Y/N loves about her mother, she is so selfless and she always makes sure I’m good before she wants to do something for herself. 

“I’m good. Enjoy your night.” Y/N gave her mom a smile to know she’ll be alright. “If you’re sure, then I’m off,” Her mom says all happily. “If you need anything just text me. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Y/N got up to give her mom a nice, strong hug. “love you.” Y/N whispers. “Love you more beautiful.” We pull back and she’s off to the race. 

Y/N walks to her window to pull the blind. She sometimes likes looking out her window and just stares off into space. Something about watching people live their life comforts her. She loves people watching. 

Y/N found herself mumbling some words, while people watching, but she couldn’t help but stop her little rampage. Y/N feels heavy and she’s unable to even grasp the concept, so when she starts feeling that way she tends to start saying random things. It could be something she could use in the future. To make sure she doesn’t forget she whip out her phone to go to the notes app where she has a folder filled with random words and sentences. There are things in there that could potentially be useful like, “More or less a painful experience. Only ever real if you're delirious. the summer before you,” “I think you're gonna be my biggest fan.” So on and so forth. That’s what the folder is filled with fragments and potentially some song lyrics. 

Y/N tossed her phone to her bed, and left her phone to bother Cosmo downstairs. Y/N loves that sucker. Before Y/N could even smother him with love, he’s currently sleeping on his bed in the corner of the living room. 

Fucking great. 

Y/N just wanted something to do, and her damn dog couldn’t give her that. She looks at the clock on the wall in the living room and it’s currently 6 almost to be seven. Y/N could go upstairs and ask one of her friends to hangout, but she doesn’t want that. The best alternative could be taking a walk and seeing where her feet take her. She likes that option better, so she quietly went upstairs so she doesn’t wake up Cosmo.

Y/N changes her attire to ripped oversized mom jeans, an oversized graphic tee she bought on Depop and once again her infamous black and white vans. She grabs her airpods, and her keys. She’s finally ready for the evening. 

Y/N went back downstairs to check on Cosmo and make sure he has food and water ready for him just in case he wakes up while she’s still gone. When she felt everything was in order she ended straight to the door. 

The weather feels astronomically better than before which had Y/N feel much better with her decision. Y/N isn’t sure if she should take the right or left. If she decides on taking a right she’ll pass Harry’s house, but if she does decide to take a left she wouldn’t. Y/N starts going back and forth, but she decides on going left. 

There was a nice breeze in the summer air, and she’s listening to “I’m a Slave 4 U” by the one and only Britney fucking Spears. “What's practical is logical. What the hell who cares. All I know is I'm so happy. When you're dancing there. I'm a slave 4 U.” Y/N finds herself singing to herself. She’s been walking around aimlessly and rocking out to her songs for about thirty minutes. She’s aware she’s probably creating attention to herself, but she couldn’t find herself to care. Y/N is enjoying herself. 

“I’m a SLAVE FOR YOU!” Y/N shouts out with her eyes pinch shut, when she finally opens them she finds herself in front of Harry’s house. The worst part wasn't that she was walking in a circle. It wasn’t that she belted out to her songs. It wasn’t she was flinging her body around like she was the balloon thingy at the cars dealership shop. Nope. None of those. 

The worst fucking part is, Harry Fucking Styles is currently outside watching her. Fucking watching her. Once again fucking smoking. Again.

[sylvie-writes]

Petty Golfers

Warnings: Swearing, but what can you expect with a Ransom fic? Some cheesy, real bitchy moves. Bad depictions of golfing. Some suggestive material, but not rlly? Dad Ransom! There’s so much affection that I might have diabetes from all the fluff.

If you can’t tell, I suck at writing summaries and warnings. Please just take a leap of faith and read. It took me a week to write this and we are at a whopping 7k word count. So please leave some feedback, ik I sound desperate. Love y’all! 

Summary: A trip to the country club with Ransom and his aristocratic friends goes south.

“Ransom! Your mother is on the phone!” 

You were curled up on the sofa when Ransom’s phone rang, a picture of Mrs. Drysdale herself showing up. She rarely ever called, except to bitch at you or her son. Out of curiosity, you had answered the call, unknowingly becoming an victim to her demands.

“Get Ransom for me.” 

“He’s on his way down.”

“Tell him to make it quick.”

Who the hell did she think she was? You rolled your eyes, annoyed at her demand. The phone that was once pressed against your ear, was now pulled away from your face. 

“Ransom! Your mother is on the phone!” 

A quick huff from your mouth made you regain composure, continuing your ‘conversation’ with the woman. 

“Why did you answer my son’s phone, anyway.”

Linda’s tone was cold, just as when you had first met her. In the five years you had been with Ransom, not once had she shown you any form of kindness. 

Sick of her impertinence, you shoved back a snarky remark.

“Well, I don’t know if you know this, darling, but I’m dating your son! Actually I’m even engaged to him!”

Her end of the line was silent except for a loud scoff. 

It was about time that Linda learned you weren’t some obedient dog, cowering down to her like Richard or Walt would.

“That’s my girl!”

Ransom, thank the heavens.

Turning your gaze to the stairs, you saw Ransom wearing a smirk, sauntering his way over. 

The man bent down to kiss your lips before swiping his phone. You could practically imagine Linda’s screeching fit to her son and husband about what just happened. Clearly, it was actually happening as you heard Ransom nonchalantly reply, “That's not my problem.” 

You took this time to get cleaned up and ready, seeing Ransom was currently occupied and would be for at least the next hour. 

This was the first time you were gonna go golfing with Ransom and his friends. It was pretty obvious they were all gonna show up in Castore golf clothing, while you opted to wear a coral Columbia polo shirt and navy skort, caring less about the name of the brand and more about its versatility. 

After applying some minimal makeup, you walked out from the bathroom to take a peek in the bedroom mirror.

The coral polo was neatly tucked into the navy skort, stopping mid-thigh. Taking your hands, you slowly smoothed out the shirt, stopping on your small baby bump. About 22 weeks in, and you were already in love with this child. 

“Hi, little lemondrop. Oh goodness, are we gonna have a long day, honey.” 

As you talked to your baby, Ransom quietly snuck into the room, smiling at how great of a mother you are already turning out to be. In his mind, he figured at least the child would have one good parent figure.  

“Hey Sweetheart, sorry to interrupt, but I found you some golf shoes that should be comfortable.” 

You looked up into the mirror to see Ransom behind you, with a big grin on his face and a pair of white golf shoes in his hand. 

“Thanks, Ran.” 

A bashful smile spread on your lips as you took the shoes. A part of you felt guilty for him getting you these shoes, but you knew he didn’t mind. Unfortunately, your feet and calves had already started swelling due to the pregnancy induced edema. 

A quick trip to the bed, and you sat on the edge, struggling to get your shoes on, while Ransom was in the closet getting changed into his own golf attire. 

Ransom confidently stepped out in all his glory, a navy polo and some light khaki shorts, that clung to his muscular physique. Your eyes were glued to him in awe and like the cocky asshole he is, a smirk grew on his face.

“Like what you see, Babe?”

“Oh shut up, Drysdale.” 

You threw your shoe at him which he so expertfully caught. He gave a teasing smile and raised his hands in surrender before making his way to the edge of the bed where you were sitting. Getting down on one knee, Ransom gently picked up your foot and put it in the shoe, tying the laces, but not too tight. 

“Hmm, this feels vaguely familiar.” 

Yup, Mr. Silver-Spoon Fed, was down on the ground, putting on your shoes. In his own words he’d only do the “Helps” part for you.

Once Ransom was done tying your shoe, he motioned to himself on his knee, trying to provoke the memory of when he proposed months ago. 

Leaning forward, you placed your hands on his shoulder, and pecked his lips.

“I do.” 

With a wink, you got up and left the room, also leaving Ransom on the floor, as he just chuckled to himself. 

In all honesty you were dreading the day’s agenda. Ransom was taking you to the country club for a few holes of golf with his friends and their newest set of girlfriends.

Even though you had met Ransom’s friends and all, you could tell they had never liked you from the beginning. Eventually, with some work, Bently and Dylan warmed up to you. Without doubt, you understood why they were Ransom’s friends. They were exactly like him in every way, lifestyle and all.

In the years you had known the two men, Mallory and Samantha were the longest to stick around so far. Five months to be exact. This was an outstretched time of fidelity for the life-long playboys.

Maybe the men were trying to somewhat settle down like Ransom had.

The two women were standoffish from the start, always talking about things you never really cared about. Their lame attempt at trying to make you feel like an outsider was just straight-up annoying. When they did include you, it was a constant conversation about Ransom. You loved him and all, but if you were gonna be friends with these chicks, they might as well like you for you and not your fiance.  

Out of all the ‘lady friends’ the guys had brought, Mallory and Samantha were total bitches in comparison to the rest. And no, you weren’t jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about these women. Life had given you a fair share of bullies back in your day. 

This whole ordeal could be marked as the most uncomfortable thing you’ve done in your life. 

Mallory and Samantha were anything but friendly, going on and on about a Versace fashion show, and some model, from last month. Inwardly you reminded yourself that you were doing this for Ransom, who was having the time of his life with Bentley and Dylan. How they could have this much fun golfing, was beyond you. 

The three guys golfed while you three ladies stood watching and chatting. In a more accurate account, the three guys golfed while the two ladies stood watching and chatting about purposeless things in life, deliberately leaving you out.  

Well, come to find out all along you really weren’t gonna play golf, you were just gonna watch. Yay, so exciting. 

You would’ve played golf with the guys had Mallory and Samantha not opened their opinionated mouths and made the decision for you. 

At this point Mallory and Samantha were now blabbering about some new type of leather purse and you really wished Ransom’s club would have hit your head at that moment. Anything to relieve you from having to hear their pathetic whining. The two women didn’t care to include you. Surprise, Surprise.  Apparently, you weren’t good enough to be in their aristocratic circle.  

What the hell was this, high school? 

“So how are you doing, (y/n)?”

It was odd how Samantha was actually trying to engage in a conversation with you. You just hoped that maybe this was her olive branch. These were Ransom’s friends' significant others and you were gonna try your damndest to impress them, not really wanting to stir up any drama if it weren’t necessary. 

“I’m doing pretty well, thanks for asking. How about you two?” 

Now both women were fully turned to you, their attention no longer on the men, more so Ransom. 

“Dylan and I are gonna take a trip to Europe, not exactly what I wanted, but good enough I guess.” Samantha rolled her eyes and heartily laughed along with Mallory.

Her simple statement made your eyes almost bug out of your head. It was like an expensive trip to Europe to her was just nothing more than a drive across the state line. You swallowed harshly in an attempt to figuratively stomach Samantha’s words. Ransom regularly offered those luxurious things to you, but as always, you turned them down, claiming he was just enough. It was very true, though. You didn’t have high standards which took Ransom some time to get used to. Most women he was ever with, wanted things, extortionate commodities. 

You didn’t want to ruin your only chance at a somewhat blossoming friendship, so you trepidatiously giggled along with them. 

“Oh honey, did you gain weight? I know a great personal trainer, really cute too, maybe not as cute as Ransom though.” Mallory’s perfectly manicured hand motioned towards your growing stomach.

You just stared in utter shock at what she just said. To most people that would be offensive but then you remembered the crowd you were with. Judgemental. 

“Umm, no-well, uh, I’m expecting.”

Sheepishly, you looked down at your feet, now noticing the difference between your choice of shoes and theirs. 

Samantha was wearing those white oasis Hermes sandals she had mentioned earlier, while Mallory was sporting some gaudy rockstud Valentino stilettos. Yeah, they definitely did not come here to golf. 

“That’s why Ransom kept someone like you around!” 

And that was definitely not the answer you were anticipating. If anything, you figured they’d be gushing over your pregnancy like any normal person would. 

“Oh Sam!” You saw Mallory nudge Samantha who looked at her in shock, immediately stopping her obnoxious laughter. 

A breath of relief left your mouth as you looked to smile at Mallory in gratitude. 

“I should’ve known it would take a fake pregnancy to get him!” 

“Yeah, he can’t have a bastard child running around, now can he? He would never get laid again!”

Your smile collapsed.

Samantha and Mallory grabbed each other’s hand, careful of their bubble-bath groomed nails, yet laughing so hard that they had to support each other. 

The three men looked over in the direction of the women’s giggles and smiled, returning back to their game, completely unaware of the real situation.

Of course they didn’t see you, because your back was to them. If they had, your impression of a deer in headlights would have most certainly piqued their attention.

Your jaw dropped and you couldn’t even comprehend what you just heard. 

Holy hell, they were just egging it on, weren’t they?

It was then that you realized Mallory wasn’t trying to stand up for you just a minute ago. 

So apparently the two women weren’t trying to become your friends at all. You were just their little toy to ridicule. 

“Aww hon, don’t get upset! We are just joking around.” 

Samantha gripped your shoulder tightly and you gave a tight lipped smile, in an attempt to show that you weren’t hurt by their idiotic antics. 

As Mallory and Samantha turned to continue to stare at the men, you saw them roll their eyes, for the nth time. 

“Joking, my ass.”

You just stared daggers into their backs, slightly wishing the daggers were real. How dare they insult you by saying you were “faking” it? They could joke with you, but definitely not your baby. 

The motherly instincts were already kicking in apparently. 

“Hey girls, wanna try?” 

Dylan waved his driver club in the air trying to get your attention. You were in such a trance, anything anyone said was just tuned out, that was till two arms wrapped around your waist. 

The simple action made you jump out of your own skin, ready to strike whoever was behind you. 

“Jumpy, much babe?”  

When you turned to be met with Ransom’s grin, a wave of relief swept over your anxious body. 

“Huh, yeah. Sorry I kinda zoned out.” 

“I definitelyyyy couldn’t tell.”

Crossing your fingers, you had hoped that Ransom wouldn’t question your edgy tone that came out with the sentence. 

Luckily, he didn’t notice and instead unwillingly dragged you over the teeing ground where the rest of the group was standing nearby. 

“So, who wants to go first?” 

Bentley spun on his heel to face the caddy and pulled out a gap wedge, handing it to Samantha who giddily volunteered herself first.

“I’m not really sure what position, I should be in.” 

Samantha held the club, elbows bent, and performed a lazy test swing, striking the grass. 

“Ransom, could you help me? After all, you are the one winning.” 

Her flirtatious wink made you wanna vomit. You practically held back the gag, not wanting to cause another scene. Ransom’s water bottle was in the cart. Deciding you couldn’t watch anymore you walked to go get the water that seemed life saving at the moment. 

“Ok, so first off you are gonna want to spread your legs a little.” 

Samantha moved her hips suggestively as she got into the proper stance.

“Is this the correct position?

Ransom nodded, not catching her drift at all. The way she said “position” was absolutely flagrant. 

As you turned from the cart and back to the group, you saw Samantha pushing her hips into Ransom, her Prada dress, lacy, white, and most of all short, slid up just a hunch. 

“Oh, good god I’m gonna be sick.” 

Briskly, you semi-jogged towards the country club, not wanting to catch anyone’s attention.

No one had noticed your disappearance as expected and just continued on with the game.

Of course, you came back just in time for Mallory’s turn, who was also getting coached by your fiance. 

“Don’t get mad, don’t get mad.”

The navy skort you were wearing, had to take the hit as you clenched your fists tightly, balling up the smooth fabric. 

Mallory swung the golf club clumsily, her arms way out of whack. You just grimaced, these women were supposed to know how to golf for goodness sake. After all, golfing was a sport for the rich, at least in Mallory’s own words. 

“Oh Ransom. I think I might need your help. How do I swing again?” 

Ransom politely nodded and strode away from his previous conversation. He situated himself behind Mallory, her back resting against his chest, his arms encasing around her sides. The golf club was positioned in between Mallory’s long legs and the two of them slightly bent at the hips, Ransom’s hands over hers as they slowly swung the golf club a few times. 

It finally came time for Mallory to actually swing. She insisted that Ransom help her, and of course he did. As they swung their arms over their shoulders, Mallory twisted her head and kissed Ransom’s cheek. The ball teed off and Mallory thanked Ransom once more.

“Thanks for all your help, Ranny.” 

Mallory then leaned in to hug Ransom tightly, smirking when she saw your belligerent attitude.  

You swore to yourself that you were living a movie because my god, was this so fake. No one in their right mind would ever have the guts to accomplish anything that had happened so far today. Quite the lucky streak you have, if I might say so myself.

“You wanna go, Momma?” A teasing offer came from Bentley, one you wouldn’t pass up. 

Confidently, you smirked and walked over to grab a pitching wedge from Ransom’s golf caddy. 

You were really ready to knock these women off of their damn high horses, it was time they joined you all in the corral. 

“Gladly.” 

The straight up sarcasm that dripped from your sneer thoroughly confused Ransom.

Straightening his posture, he quickly walked over to help you tee off too. 

Normally, you wouldn’t have minded Ransom’s help, but at this moment you were fuming, striking the ball on the tee with great vehemence. 

Shamelessly flirting with Ransom, even when they knew you were right there. The deliberate actions of your so called friends really was the last straw. You could normally handle the level of pettiness Ransom’s friends propounded, but you couldn’t take it anymore. It all flowed through your blood and into your swing. 

Ransom’s eyes widened when he saw how you hit with a perfect form, swing straight and all. Your ball even landed on the green, closer to the end, unlike the two women who landed on the rough, even with his help.

“Well looks like Ransom got a good start, now.” Dylan shook his head in disbelief as Ransom winked at you, a token of his appreciation. Unfortunately, you were only seeing red and completely missed his action of affection. 

“That’s impossible!” Samantha had a look of repugnance on her face. Visibly upset that she wasn’t beating you in this game of cat and mouse, insult edition. 

Mallory then discreetly flipped you off, the guys too busy packing up in order to move further down the course.

“I’m over this shit.”  You walked away from the teeing ground and towards the swarm of people. 

“You ready to move on ladies?” Bentley pointed towards the golf carts that were pretty much all packed up, except for the club in your hand. 

“Sure!” Mallory’s overly peppy and fake voice was the last straw.

The two women started to walk away with the men, swaying their hips, every step taken with aplomb.  

“No, you know what, Sam, Mal, who gives two shits about a Versace runway model standing three inches off center, because I sure as hell don’t.” 

Bentley, Dylan and Ransom stood gaping with confusion at your sudden outburst. From their point of view, nothing extreme had gone down between you and the girls all day long. 

You turned from the outraged women, disregarding their insults thrown your way and meeting the faces of the befuddled men. 

“Sorry boys.” 

“Oh and one more thing, girls. If you say one more shitty thing, so help me, I am gonna take Samantha’s Hermes heels and shove them so far up both your asses, you’ll be able to cough them up.”

You ever so gracefully returned Mallory’s kind gesture and flipped her and Samantha off. 

In typical Ransom fashion, you turned away once more, basking in their shocked looks and ignoring their pitiful attempts at being the victims.  

With that you handed Ransom the golf club which he gripped angrily, as you stormed off towards the women’s locker room. You could feel him practically burning holes into your back.

 It was almost impossible to put in the combination to the lock for your eyes were welling up with tears. What made the whole thing worse was that Ransom didn’t even say a word, and he was angry at you?!

With a swipe of your hand, you wiped away the tears before grabbing your purse. You looked at Coach logo laughing when you thought of the Celine and Louis Vuitton purses Samantha and Mallory had. 

When you had gotten to the country club, Ransom handed you the keys to the Beamer to put in your purse. His car was the only other thing he loved more than himself, you, and the baby. In reality, it was his first child. 

Seeing the Beamer in the parking lot was like light at the end of the tunnel for you. Into the driver seat you plopped and the keys turned to the ignition. At the moment you could care less where you ended up, you just wanted to run for the hills and get far from here. 

Sure, you were embarrassed, but you were more angry than anything else. 

As you drove past the golf course you didn’t miss Ransom’s appalled look when he saw the Beamer leaving without him in it. 

Back at the course, everyone stood around giving each other confused looks. 

Dylan bravely broke the silence first. 

“What just happened, man?”

Ransom just huffed and shook his head. 

“No clue. Hormones probably.” 

Samantha full on giggled while Mallory took the next step and grabbed Ransom’s bicep as she laughed. 

“Thanks for making me laugh Ran, I really needed it after what just happened.” 

Mallory looked up into Ransom’s deep blue eyes with her sparkling green ones and batted her long eyelashes at him seductively. 

The clueless men took no mind in what was unfolding in front of them. 

“Oh that’s right. Congrats dude!” Bentley supportively patted Ransom’s shoulder, before returning back to his own caddy at the cart. 

Another shaky breath left Ransom’s mouth. 

“Yeah, thanks.” 

As Ransom headed back to the golf cart, he couldn’t shake the weird feeling inside. 

What was it, you ask?

Concern. 

He was concerned about (y/n). 

A cloud of vexation and offense floated around in the car with you, that when you arrived at Harlan’s estate you had not even registered it quite yet. 

The keys of the beamer were clenched tightly in your hand as you knocked, waiting patiently for Marta or Harlan himself to answer. 

As the door swung open, it revealed a surprised and smiling Marta.

“Oh hi (y/n)!” 

It was then that the weight of the prior events came crashing down on you and sobs were the only thing you could manage.

Marta quickly ushered you inside and enveloped you in a hug. 

For the few minutes that passed, you had finally calmed down. Taking a deep breath you explained everything to Marta while she led you to the guest room you and Ransom normally stayed in. 

“I’m so sorry for your terrible day, love. Why don’t you get cleaned up and you, Harlan and I can have some dinner?”

At the offer, you returned a small smile, but a genuine one nonetheless. 

A hot shower would hopefully help clear your mind a bit. You padded over to the bathroom, starting the water and then returning to rummage through the wooden dresser. Thankfully, Ransom had left his maroon sweater and your leggings. Your first win of the day after a colossal shitstorm, maybe things were starting to look up.

The last thing on your mind at the moment was Ransom, who was supposed to be here with you. Just the mere thought of him, irked you.

When you returned from the long and much needed shower, you checked your phone.

Ten missed calls from Ransom Drysdale

Five text messages from Ransom Drysdale.

You just scoffed, turning off your phone. He definitely didn’t deserve an answer from you and you most certainly didn’t want to hear his lame-ass excuse. Was he even calling to apologize or was he calling to pester you? 

Whatever.

The cell phone just rested on the bed, while you scurried downstairs to the smell of lasagna, tending to yourself with Ransom in the very back of your mind.  

It had been about an hour since you left and Ransom couldn’t get in touch with you. Bentley and Dyaln had just left the table to get some more drinks at the bar, something Ransom clearly needed. 

He called your phone once more, but to no avail, it went straight to voicemail.

Your sweet voice rang through his phone, oh how he wished you were here.

“This is (Y/n) Drysdale, I’m not here at the moment, please leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a great day!”

Ransom felt a sense of pride that emerged when you used his last name as your own. Never in a thousand years had he assumed he’d ever be married, until you came along. You charmed him with your humbleness and patience for his antics. So many things about you were good for that man. Long gone were the days of shunning off a committed relationship with his pinky ring that now rested upon your index. A small diamond engagement ring, another symbol of Ransom’s love, made home on your ring finger too. You, a beautiful vision in white, walking down the aisle, and he can already imagine it. 

An annoyingly squeaky voice broke him from his enchanting daydream of you as his wife. 

“Oh Ranny, just give up.”

Long fingers wrapped around the glass flute, bringing it up to the red lips of the vanilla-blonde woman. 

“Excuse me?” 

Mallory moved her drink away from her lips, resting her hand on Ransom’s right forearm that laid on the table.

“Well it’s no use to get in touch with Betty and the bastard. She isn’t gonna answer, clearly, but I will.”

Now he could see why you were upset. 

They must’ve said something to you. What was really surprising though is that you’d never take shit from anyone. Why would you cower down now?

He mentally scolded himself, that was a question to ask you later. First order of business was to give these two lovely ladies a taste of their own bitter medicine. Revenge was practically the man’s middle name, unfortunately. 

Ransom couldn’t lose the only thing in life that mattered to him. You brought him light in the darkest of his days. Family get-togethers always put him in a terrible mood, but when you were linked into his arm with a bright smile, things seemed a little bit more bearable. 

Who cared about the consequences at this point, Ransom madly grabbed the bellini and spilled it across Mallory’s black Dior button-down dress.

“Don’t ever talk about my wife and child like that.” 

The two women cried in disgust, popping up from their seats, prompting Samantha to drag Mallory to the ladies’ room.

Bentley and Dylan came back to the table, cackling, three Malibu sunset cocktails in hand. 

Ransom was practically seething at this point, his jaw clenched as tightly gripping the glass Dylan was handing him.

“Woah man, what’s up with you?”

“Your petty ass girlfriends, that’s what.”

Many drinks later, Ransom had finally finished his story, Bentley and Dylan not believing anything the brunette spoke about.

“You’re bullshitting us, Drysdale. Maybe we should take your drinking privileges.” 

Ransom’s signature smirk curled onto his face as he found his evidence. 

“Look over a few tables, fellas.” 

There was Samantha, her tongue down some guy's throat, Mallory wearing the other man’s large polo. 

“Shit, man!” 

Dylan dropped his glass onto the table in complete shock. He had really just assumed that Ransom was drunkenly hallucinating.

“I’m not here to listen to both of your problems, now help me go win my wife back.” 

Bentley and Dylan weren’t even phased by Ransom’s forwardness, for they were both too caught up in their own drunken sorrow. 

“Why? Can’t you see I have plans tonight with some rum?” Bentley motioned to the bar before chugging his own drink down.

“She-” Ransom hung his head in shame. “She-took-my-beamer.” In one quick breath the man made his embarrassing confession.

“Fine, it’s only because I like your wife. She’s good for you ya know.”

“Yeah, yeah, just get your drunk asses out of here.” All three men doubled over in cachinnation due to Ransom’s quip.

Like expected, Bentley and Dylan continued to tease Ransom before going off to get some water in hopes of sobering up, coming back with two women instead. 

A small snicker left Ransom’s mouth. He could remember the days when that was him, but now was much happier and satisfied to always come home with you. 

You were ecstatic to be greeted with Harlan’s large and welcoming smile. The man was basically your grandfather. 

“Well there’s my favorite granddaughter and soon to be great-grandchild!”

“Hiya Harlan!” 

Your crappy day suddenly brightened at the appearance of your favorite Thrombey. 

“Something’s wrong isn’t it?” 

Harlan rested his hands in yours offering a reassuring smile. You chose not to deny the correct accusation from the man, instead going to sit down with him and Marta, once again explaining the story. 

“I just wish Ransom wasn’t mad at me.” 

A dejected sigh fell from your lips as you looked down at your growing stomach.

“My dear, if you tell him what you just told me, I am positive he would understand.”

“But I feel terrible for not being able to handle those girls. I mean he was having such a great time with his friends-.”

Harlan abruptly stopped you from spiraling into a depressive cloud. 

“No buts, (y/n). Ransom’s friends are a crazy crowd of people, well, then again you have dealt with the rest of our family. Besides, Ransom’s friends deserved to be shown a bit of what you are made of. They need to understand that it’s not about the money or title, but the character within the person.”

You chuckled at Harlan’s exquisite speech. 

“Wow, so this is why you are a best selling author?”

“I guess so, just remember (y/n), stay humble and who you are. Don’t change for Ransom or his friends because in the end that boy really needed a girl like you.”  

A beautiful smile graced your lips at his encouraging words. Harlan always gave advice with much equanimity. 

You finished the sapid and delectable lasagna with Harlan and Marta, often stopping to talk about the baby, who was to make an entrance in a few months.

After dinner was finished, you helped Fran clean up the dishes which she greatly appreciated. It was surprising to anyone that someone with your kind and caring personality would end up with a bonehead like Ransom. If only they all knew, Ransom was rarely ever an ass to you, occasions like these didn’t occur frequently. 

By time you were done cleaning, Harlan had retired for the night, but not before playing a round of Go with Marta, who happily obliged and Fran gave you some clean sheets and then headed home herself. You were all alone now, only hoping when you’d see Ransom again. The two of you were both stubborn knuckleheads, who never wanted to surrender to the other. 

Step after step, the wooden staircase creaked loudly as you slowly climbed to the second floor. Hand on the knob, you leaned against the bedroom door, tiredly pushing it open. A glance at your cell phone told you it was only a little after nine o’clock. It was an emotionally tolling day and you only wanted to curl up with your fiance, oh who are you kidding, your husband. Unfortunately, the closest thing you had to him at the moment was his maroon sweater, casing your body. All of this made the silk bed sheets even more comfortable, entrapping your exhausted body and lulling you to sleep. 

Shooting up from your slumber, you made sure your phone was not on silent, just in case Ransom called again. Content, a void of darkness littered your sight, and you were out like a light. 

RING! 

The loud ringing emitting from your phone startled you, making your head shoot up from the pillows. 

Bentley Livingstone

The bright light from the screen awoke you fully. Squinting to look at the time, you scoffed.

10:14 pm

“What the hell, Bentley.” Your voice raspy from sleep, it was evident that he had woken you.

“Sorry Momma Bear, but can you let us in?”

“Us? And if you are at the house, I’m not there, Benny boy.” 

The last thing you wanted now was to be talking to him, you practically ripped apart his girlfriend, who he was actually committed too for once. You felt awful for ruining Ransom’s day with his friends, but quickly reminded yourself that those women were even worse to you. The men probably thought you were a total bitch, after their girlfriends had played the victims. 

“Cut out the sarcasm, will ya? I’m not mad at you, and actually I’m here at Harlan’s.” 

You felt so relieved that you could almost cry, damn hormones. 

Bentley must’ve known something had happened which meant Dylan knew and hopefully Ransom too. 

“Fine.”

You went to the bathroom to hurriedly tame your messy hair and brush your teeth, ridding the final taste of lasagna away. 

Harlan was asleep and Marta had left by this time, so as you opened the front door, you made sure to make it as quiet as possible. 

“Hi (y/n).” Bentley was the first to walk in, giving you a hug which shocked you before reciprocating the action. Dylan did the same and you were bemused at the men’s kindness. 

“So… what’s up.” Nervously, you crossed your arms over your chest, resting them on your small, yet protruding bump, all while awaiting an answer.

“We’d like to apologize on behalf of Samantha and Mallory.” Dylan stepped forward, placing his hand comfortingly on your shoulder. 

“I’m so sorry guys. I didn’t mean for all this to happen.”

“Hey don’t be sorry! I’m glad I found out Sam was in it for your hottie.” 

“Yeah. I’ve dated plenty of women but not anyone that cold.”

“Thanks, guys.” You looked up to be greeted with their bright smiles. It was nice to be so trusted. 

“Dude, those babes said they were free tonight.” Dylan held out his phone to text said woman, Bentley doing the same. 

Without second thought, you quickly put your hand between the two men, still having a very animated conversation. 

“As much as I’d love to hear you guys babble over some girls, do either of you know where Ransom is?” 

“He’s right here.” 

A very familiar voice sounded from behind you. 

There he was. Your hormones were through the roof and you couldn’t stop the happy tears that fell. 

You ran to your fiance, throwing your arms around his neck, while his one free hand wrapped around your waist. Ransom placed a sweet kiss on your neck, laying his head there for a while, relishing in your love. How could he be so deserving of someone with such patience? 

Too caught up in the moment, you didn’t even notice Dylan and Bentley sneaking out the front door. 

Ransom held out a bountiful bouquet of exquisite light pink roses. With his free hand, he took both of yours, placing a few kisses to your knuckles. 

Turning your hands over, Ransom kissed your wrists and then handed you the bouquet. You couldn’t help but giggle at all his affection.

“Pink roses, for you and our baby girl. I owe you both an apology.” Like a scolded puppy, he held his head in shame.  

“I owe you an apology too-”

Your fiance’s index finger came up to shush you.

“No you don’t, I do.” 

Ransom took your left hand, your ringed fingers intertwined with his now bare ones and led you up to the bedroom.

You went to go flump on the bed, observing as Ransom shut the door, and wordlessly sat next to you.  

“I’m sorry that I, of all people, upset you. I should have been there for you, but I wasn’t.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, full of remorse. Truth be told, you had never seen Ransom like this. Taking your left hand, you lifted his chin gently, the cold metal of the rings somewhat startling, making Ransom turn his solemn face to look at you.

“How did you know?” Gazing into his gorgeous and endless eyes, you saw his sorrow, a large pang to your heart. 

“Well, both girls tried to make a move on me. Mallory called our little lemondrop,” Ransom took a deep breath, saying the next word like it was gonna summon the devil himself,  “a bastard.”

You were so desensitized at this point, you just accepted the vile words. There was no use in letting their locutions affect you, because if they did, you’d be letting them win. 

“Yeah, they both kinda said that to my face too.”  In hopes of lifting the mood, you let out a dry chuckle to let Ransom know that you were somewhat okay. Especially, that he was here, next to you. 

“You girls were laughing and everything, I truly thought you were having a good time. I am so sorry, Sweetheart.” 

Ransom was so upset, he buried his face into your chest, while you slowly and soothingly rubbed his back. Instead of telling him about your other banters with the women, you just kept your mouth shut. The poor thing was already so unsettled, you didn’t want to make matters worse for him.

It seemed like an eternity that Ransom was in your loving hold. His sobs were quieted and he examined your look of content. First, he softly pecked the corner of your lips then placed his warm hands on the small bump of your baby. 

“Hi little miss, I owe you an apology too. Today I was not a great father at all. You and your mom will always mean the world to me. I can’t wait to meet you, honey.” 

Ransom ended his heartfelt confession with a slow kiss to the unborn baby, that even you could feel through the sweater, making your heart flutter. For many months, Ransom worried about being a terrible father. Well, if what he just said didn’t prove that he was gonna be a great father, then you don't know what would. 

Your hands flew up to your fiance’s face, once again holding him close, so close that your noses bumped. Both of your eyes were closed in bliss, that was until Ransom quietly spoke up. 

“The beamer’s fine right?”

Believe it or not, but sometimes Ransom could be a comedian around those he cared about. A few giggles left your mouth as you pulled away from the man who was also laughing himself. 

“I-I’m...serious, babe!” It took a few tries for Ransom to get the sentence out without cackling. For years it had been a running joke that Mr. Drysdale loved his car more than himself which was quite the revelation, if you ever heard one. 

Getting up from the bed, you leaned down to kiss between Ransom’s eyebrows that were knitted with concern. 

“Yes, your other child is fine.” 

“So now that the air is clear, are you hungry?” 

Don’t judge, just because you may have eaten lasagna just a while ago, didn’t mean you’d pass the golden opportunity for more food. You eagerly nodded your head before sitting on Ransom’s knee. His arms were wrapped around you in a protective manner, while his hands held the phone with the menu on screen. 

“Ran, what Chinese place is gonna be open this late?”

“Trust me, I know this place.” 

Half an hour later, a man showed up on the doorstep holding a plastic bag hopefully filled with your late night smorgasbord. To your surprise, the bag was actually filled with all its content which needless to say didn’t last long. Between your endless stomach and Ransom’s growing hangover, the greasy meal trays were soon empty. You and Ransom had taken the food up to the bedroom, devouring it all, while laying on the bed enjoying the time together. 

Even when things were rough, you and Ransom always found a way to get through. 

[samanthadalton]

Star crossed lovers (au) part 2

pairings: poppy x mc (bea)

warnings: throughout this fic there will be mentions of substance abuse, homophobia, sexual abuse, violence, NSFW, mentions of abandonment, depression and death including suicide

reader discretion is advised

(i apologise for any spelling/grammatical mistakes, i’ll fix them later) 

taglist: @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @cloud9in @stanzoeywade @ognenniyvolk @thepotatobleh @crazzyplays @rxssians (i’m pretty sure this is my taglist, if you wanna be tagged in future posts just reply or message me 😊) 

word count: 6.2k

read part 1 here: 

Part 2: First day jitters

BEEP BEEP BEEP 

Bea groans and puts her alarm on snooze momentarily silencing the deafening noise. After finding difficulty in falling asleep on time, the brunette found herself feeling zombified this morning. With great difficulty she forces herself to sit up and reaches over to her dresser to check her phone.

A snapchat from Poppy, 

a miss call from AJ

And 5 unread texts from Zoey

She opens the snapchat from Poppy who had sent a selfie of her with an adorable bedhead, lips slightly puckered, captioning the picture, ‘good morning babe 💋I love you’. Bea decided to send a selfie back, hands raised in a peace sign captioning her post, ‘I love you too, see you at school ❤️’. She decides to give AJ a quick text since he called her at 4:34am and Bea is worried he might’ve gotten into some trouble overnight.  

AJ Baxter, one of the few friends Bea has at Belvoire. He’s younger, a sophomore now, but has a heart of gold. His family is more middle class but his father is good friends with the superintendent which means his place in Belvoire is secured, he could practically get away with anything without risk of suspension. He hangs out with Bea and her friends who live in the south, but recently he’s gotten caught up in a bad crowd, a gang called ‘Southside nation’ who causes nothing but trouble. Bea’s taken it upon herself to look out for him and make sure he doesn’t do anything illegal because he’s a good kid, just a little lost. 

She then decided to check her texts from Zoey who just wants to wish her luck at her fancy school and to let her know if any preppy rich kid tries to bully her to call Zoey who would beat their ass. Zoey was one of Bea’s best friends, they had met when Bea moved into her neighbourhood after leaving the northside of Greensburg, and she practically taught Bea how to survive in the south. She often discloses her opinion about Bea and Poppy’s relationship, warning Bea that it will only end up with her getting her heart broken. Bea tends to ignore Zoey’s criticisms, and anyone else’s really, no one could understand their relationship, Bea and Poppy were soulmates, or at least that’s how they saw each other. Bea usually retorts to Zoey’s criticisms arguing that no matter what life threw at them she and Poppy were destined to be together and no one could ever ruin that. 

After a few more moments of scrolling through her phone, she forces herself to get up and moves over to the other side of the room to wake up her little sister. 

“Hey sleepy head, you gotta get up” Bea gently shakes the younger girl who in response groans loudly and pulls the covers over her head. 

“Go awayyyyy” her voice rasps, as she’s evidently still in sleepy mode. 

Bea grins and decides to jump on her sister’s bed and shake her awake, earning a hard shove from her Aria who sits up on her bed rubbing her red eyes, “Bea whatthehell, what’s wrong with you”, for a 11 year old she sure as hell had a lot of attitude, a trait she definitely acquired from her mother. 

“Sorry kiddo” she leaps off the bed and turns back to look at her sister, “I want you ready for school in 40 minutes, that means you’ve brushed your teeth, brushed your hair, wearing your school clothes and eaten breakfast, all in that order okay?” 

Aria just drags her hands down her face and moans, “okayyyy, relax Bea, let me at least fully wake up”. 

Bea smiles and stalks towards the bathroom and turns on the tap blasting the cold water. She cups her hand and splashes the water all over her face, gasping as if she had been holding her breath for hours. Well, that definitely woke her up. 

After brushing her teeth and going through the steps of her basic skincare routine Poppy practically forced upon her, she advances to the living room and sees that her mother is still in the same place she left her last night. She takes a minute to analyse her mother’s facial features, a few grey hairs peaks out of her hair, threatening to showcase her ageing, her slightly creased forehead, and the small wrinkles which edged on the corners of her eyes. Her nose was similar to Aria’s, a petite buttoned up nose, except she had a silver nose ring. Her lips were thin and wide, red lipstick smeared on her chin a little and all Bea could do was frown. Her mother used to be so beautiful, she remembers the time she stumbled across a photo album in which Bea’s mother had documented almost everything in her life, she used to be so full of life, so happy but now, she was different. She hated her life, ever since her husband left her she resorted to alcohol and drugs, the only way she knew how to numb the pain. It killed Bea to see her mother destroy herself piece by piece, she often questioned to herself why she or Aria were never enough for her to want to live. But Bea would never say anything out loud, not wanting to upset her mother or sister or the more likely answer, she was afraid of the truth. 

Bea shakes herself out of her thoughts and moves towards the kitchen which is connected to the living room. She decides to make scrambled eggs for breakfast as she definitely needs the protein and it was pretty easy to cook. A few minutes later, Aria emerges from her bedroom, dressed in her school clothes, Bea begins to assess the girls outfit from head to toe, disproving the slightly cropped t-shirt Aria decided to wear and forcing her to change into something more appropriate for school. 

“No, turn around and change your top now,” her tone commanding with a hint of discontent. 

“It’s just a t-shirt, why are you making a big deal out of it, god” she retorted as she walks back to the room and moments later she walks into the room wearing an oversized hoodie. “There, happy?” 

“I’m practically jumping for joy, A, now hurry up and eat, the bus will be here soon” Bea moves towards the stools while Aria pours herself a bowl of cereal. Behind them they hear a series of moans and groans, guess their mother is finally awake. 

“Could you girls make any more noise, goddamn” she clutches her head in agony and begins rubbing the temples of her forehead with her fingertips. 

“We’re eating breakfast, maybe if you managed to make it to your bedroom we wouldn’t have woken you up,” Bea quips, turning back to focus on eating her breakfast while her mother just glares at the back of her head and rolls her eyes. 

“I’m your mother, don’t be a bitch with me especially when I’ve just woken up” she reaches over to the table and takes a huge swig of the vodka on the table while Bea silently berates herself for forgetting to throw the drink away. “Anyways where were you yesterday, you didn’t leave any money for dinner so I had to pay for a pizza” 

“I saw” Bea says unaffected, she’s used to her mom’s bitchiness and attitude. 

“Don’t tell me you were with richie rich’, she downs the rest of the drink and slams the empty bottle on the table. 

That agitates Bea and grabs her attention, she shifts in her seat to glower at her mother, “Don’t call her that”

“Looks like I hit a sore spot” her mother waves her hands dismissing Bea’s anger, “next time be here for dinner or leave some money because I don’t have enough money to be worrying about feeding that one”, she nods her head towards Aria. 

Bea clenches her fist and takes a deep breath, ‘Aria go get your school bag”, Aria’s about to respond when Bea just glares at her expecting her to follow through, Aria reluctantly gets up from her seat leaving her almost empty bowl of cereal on the counter. Bea quickly gets up and stomps towards Isabella, her voice is low and sharp, “Do you have to speak about your daughter like that when she’s around? I don’t give a shit about a $13 pizza, she’s your kid, she comes first no matter how much you despise her, she’s not to blame for your own mistakes”. Without waiting for a response she goes towards the bedroom and finds Aria lurking in the hallway looking dejected. 

“She hates me doesn’t she?”

Bea sighs, the relationship between her mother and Aria has always been so strained, her mother viewing Aria more as a burden and a physical embodiment of her biggest mistake in life. One of Bea’s biggest worries was what would happen once she moved to New York for college, she’s the only thing that is keeping the peace in the house but once she leaves she’s apprehensive about how her sister would fare around their mother. 

“She could never hate you, you’re her daughter, mom’s just….” she struggles to find the words, “mom’s just sad, she just doesn’t know how to properly control her emotions, but don’t worry you always have me here”, she feels guilty as she says the words because her mind drifts to college and New York but she musters a smile and hugs her sister, “now come on I’ll walk you to the bus stop just let me grab my bag”. 

After grabbing her bag, she quickly goes to the kitchen to put the dirty dishes in the sink, making a mental note of remembering to wash them when she gets home from work, since she knew her mother nor Aria would. She looks over to the living room to find the sofa empty and the door of her mother’s room, which was connected to the living room, slightly ajar, guess she’s gone back to doing nothing productive..again. 

After walking her sister to the bus stop, Bea insists on waiting with her to make sure she gets to school on time because she cannot afford having the principal call home about Aria being late, not if she wanted to piss her mom off more. Bea leaves Aria as soon as the  bus arrives, running back home to get her motorbike after looking at the clock on her phone and realising school begins in 30 minutes, “crap”. As soon as she makes it to her bike, she practically throws on her helmet and drives as rapidly as she can. The motorbike was a present from Poppy who had bought it from one of Bea’s co-workers at the diner at the beginning of the summer. Bea, at first, was apprehensive about the gift, she usually disdained Poppy for spending a lot of money on her but once she got on her new bike it was her second favourite thing in the world, the first being Poppy of course. Poppy secretly loved riding on her bike because it gave her the excuse to feel Bea’s abs (not that she needed one) but also because of the ephemeral ecstasy she would feel at every ride. It was a little taste of the freedom she so badly craved. 

The brunette is almost sweating at every red light because it means that she has to drive even faster and she did not want to be late on the first day back. Bea’s plan for senior year is to draw the least amount of attention to herself as she can, and coming late to homeroom is just basically like putting a huge kick me sign on her back. 

As soon as she parks her bike in the school’s parking lot she looks down at her phone, ‘7 minutes to spare that must be some new record’ she thinks to herself. She looks around at Belvoire, the school’s pristine building hasn’t gotten any less intimidating over the summer. She hears a bunch of shrill voices booming behind her and one of them in particular was almost like a banshee, the high pitched voice ringing in her ears which could only mean one person, Chloe St James. 

Chloe was one of Poppy’s best friends and one of Bea’s worst enemies. She was captain of the volleyball team which meant that she practically owned Bea on the court during practice but she was also incredibly irritating and very stupid. Once in class, her maths teacher asked Chloe what pi is, and she replied with “I don’t eat foods with a high fat content”. Everyone laughed at her until she cut them all off with a silent but deadly look. No one really messes with Chloe because she is secretly a very aggressive person which is exemplified by her plays on the volleyball court, Bea hated to admit it but Chloe was their best player. However, Chloe is the epitome of a classic dumb blonde rich girl who has to depend on her money and looks to get her somewhere in life, she practically has half of the football team worshipping her at her feet. Bea could never really understand why but Chloe has had it out for her since she’s come to Belvoire, maybe it was a classist thing but in the last year especially, Chloe’s antics became an everyday chore for Bea, who was getting sick of the constant harassment. It’s almost as if she swore to make Bea’s life a living hell. 

“Omg look who it is”,Bea rolls her eyes so hard they could get stuck in the back of her head, she turns to face the dumb blonde, “hey strip tease, how was your summer in the slums?” 

Bea balls her hands into a tight fist, ‘god this bitch is annoying’ she thought. “Is it true you whored yourself out so you could get that bike of yours?... Like mother like daughter I guess?” She giggles a little, triggering the girls around her, whose names Bea could never remember, to start laughing along with her. 

“Do you know what Chloe?” Bea takes a step forward a scowl etching on her face, “You’re all talk, I guarantee I’ll be able to take you”, Bea lowers her voice so only the blonde can hear what she’s saying, “You know I grew up in the South which means I was taught how to fight, so unless you want me to mess up that pretty face of yours back off.” Bea thought she was threatening enough for the dumb blonde to recede but her threats only aggravated Chloe more. 

“Listen up here you little tramp,” Chloe’s eyes were shooting daggers at Bea, even though she felt a tiny bit daunted by Chloe’s cold demeanor, Bea stood her ground when suddenly she could see Poppy in her peripheral vision sauntering up to the group and decided not to engage with Chloe since she promised Poppy she would be good. Before Chloe could obliterate Bea using her words, Bea holds up her middle finger at the blonde and counters, “go fuck yourself Chloe”. 

Chloe’s eyes flash with anger and just as she’s about to retort Poppy lays a hand on her shoulder and greets the girl with a squeal and Chloe delivers a bone crushing hug. Poppy doesn’t bother to spare a glance at Bea which means they’re back in the real world. 

After having the entire summer to themselves, riding around Greensburg, going to parties in the south, stealing moments in each other's rooms and going on secret weekend long trips to New York, being two teenagers completely in love, it was now a closed chapter. Now, the girls were in two different worlds, Bea took a quick second to appreciate Poppy’s outfit, she wore the cute pink bomber jacket Bea loved so much and her legs looked so long in her jeans, Poppy wore that specific outfit to catch Bea’s attention, but it was doing a lot more than that. Bea just wanted to reach out and kiss her so bad, the gloss on Poppy’s lips were shining so bright, almost as if she wanted to tease Bea, knowing she could only stare and not touch. 

“Come on Chlo, we’re gonna be late,” she drags the blonde away and as she breezes past Bea she spares a quick glance, their eyes locked for a brief moment, Poppy’s gaze softens for a second, her big brown eyes bore into Bea’s in the most tender way. If only the students at Belvoire, were less self absorbent and paid attention to the girls instead of themselves, they would’ve already felt the sexual tension just through the intense stares. After all the eyes are the windows to the soul. 

Bea takes a second to breathe, leaning on her bike, she knew today was going to be a long day. After hearing the warning bells she grabs her bag and practically runs the last 50 feet to homeroom and is grateful to see an empty seat at the back of the classroom. She slips in as their homeroom teacher, Mr Jennings quietens the class for the morning announcements, and as all the students direct their attention to the tv in the corner of the room, Poppy’s angelic face brightens up the screen with her adorable smile while she stacks the papers in her hands and turns to look at her co-anchor Carter Jackson. 

Carter Jackson, he’s devilishly handsome and the school’s golden boy. Captain of the football team, on track to being the school’s valedictorian, prevailing against the stereotypes of jocks all being dimwits, his resume is impeccable, any college would be lucky to have him. Bea always felt a pang of jealousy whenever she saw Carter within the same breathing space as Poppy since it was obvious he had the biggest crush on her. The whole school is already expecting for them to date since traditionally in movies and books the football captain and head cheerleader always get together. There were already existing rumours that they were secretly dating or they’ve had sex and many others which made Bea envious.  Bea was never the jealous type but subconsciously the thoughts of her not being good enough for Poppy would regularly infiltrate her mind. Poppy usually had to subside Bea’s fears whenever she felt like Bea was worried about Carter, promising her that she would never actually be into him but Carter is a gentleman and is practically harmless. 

‘Look at this stupid goofy smile and his stupid awesome hair’ Bea clenched her fists so hard her nails were digging into her palms which are definitely going to leave some marks. The announcements went on about the new school year and something about the sports teams and school spirit but Bea’s blood begins to boil when Carter makes a dumb joke earning playful slap on his arm from Poppy. She knows she can trust Poppy around him, it’s just Carter she couldn’t trust. He would always openly flirt with Poppy who would just give a little laugh or change the subject or sometimes indulge in his flirtations, just enough to throw him and the rest of her friends off from the truth. 

After the morning announcements Mr Jennings begins talking about the importance of senior year and how the students would have to start thinking about college and their futures. Bea has her whole future planned out with Poppy, get into Columbia, live off campus with her and eventually Poppy would tell her father about them and he will have no other choice but to accept them and if not then Poppy could take out some loans and eventually use the Min Sinclair name to build herself a brand. Bea wants to go into law, first into corporate, so her and Poppy can work together, so when Poppy takes over her father’s duties as the official CEO of the Min Sinclair industries, Bea would work the legal angle until she’s made a name for herself. If Poppy’s father wouldn’t pass the companies down to Poppy then she’ll go straight to being a general practice lawyer. Then she’ll open her own law firm to help those in need, money won’t be an issue for clients as she just wants to help people who are suffering from legal trouble but have no sufficient funds, because if we are being honest, the public defence system in America is a joke. 

Once the bell went off Bea checked her timetable to see AP science class first thing in the morning. ‘Kill me now’, she heeded she loved science but on a monday morning? It was a different kind of torture. She walks into the class to see all the students glaring at the projected screen and sees that a seating plan has been put into place for them. Miss Acker, is one of the strictest teachers at Belvoire, she’s a straight to the point no BS kind of teacher who would never let students walk all over her so the students in the AP class knew better than to challenge the seating plan. Bea looked for her name to see her being placed at the back corner of the class and her seating buddy is, no way… It’s Poppy. Bea felt a sliver of enlightenment fill her chest, an entire year of sitting next to Poppy and no one would say anything because they had no choice but to be next to each other. 

As Bea makes her way to the back she sees Poppy stride into the class, she gives Bea a quick wink, so quick that you would’ve missed it within a blink of an eye as she promptly took a seat in a random seat near the front of the class, her focus is on taking out her books from her bags until a stern tone catches her attention. 

“Miss Min Sinclair, if you bothered to look at the screen you would see there’s a seating plan, you’re supposed to sit with Miss Hughes at the back”, Miss Acker raises an eyebrow waiting for Poppy to oblige. 

“I-”, Poppy’s face flushes red, either from the embarrassment of being called out or the thought of sitting next to Bea all year, it wasn’t clear. She picks up her notebook and bag and as she’s walking to the back of the class a hand reaches out to touch her elbow. 

“Good luck sitting next to the freak all year” Carter’s voice smooth and his tone jesting at Poppy. 

“Uh, thanks,” Poppy lets out an awkward laugh and sits at the back daring not to look at Bea as the lesson begins. 

“So, looks like we’re science buddies,” Bea leans over and whispers as Miss Ackers goes over the rules of the lab. 

“Not here Bea, please,” Poppy almost pleads as her attention is fixated at the front of the classroom. 

Bea huffs a little, “well we do have to work together Pops, you can’t exactly avoid me since we go to the same school and everything”. 

Poppy doesn’t answer Bea, as the class continues. As Miss Acker addresses the class, Poppy’s attention shifts to the notebook in front of her, doodling across the blank page. She draws a little bumblebee and a heart around it and nudges Bea slightly with her elbow, directing her focus to her drawing. A small smile graces Bea’s face as she runs a finger around the heart and the bee on Poppy’s notebook. 

Bees were part of an inside joke between the two girls, Poppy used to call Bea her ‘little bumblebee’ when they were 14 and although Bea pretended to hate the nickname she found it a little sweet and gave Poppy the nickname ‘Popsicle’. 

The lesson carries on in full silence between the girls as they begin to concentrate at the lesson at hand, and when the lesson ended Poppy quickly packs up her things, grabs her bag and leaves the class with Carter and a few other girls in tow. Bea sighs and places her hands in her jacket pocket suddenly hearing the rustling of a piece of paper. She brings it out and sees a little folded note, and when she unfolds it, she sees a cartoon drawing of two girls kissing and the words ‘I love you’ written underneath it. She has no idea when Poppy even put the note in her pocket but she’s grateful she did. It was the little things like that that made Bea smile, and reminds her why she loves Poppy so much. To the rest of the school, it seems like the girls don’t even care about each other but Poppy’s a secret romantic at heart and usually leaves little tidbits around Bea as a reminder of her love. 

She pockets the note and goes to her next class with a little more pep in her steps. Lunchtime soon rolls over and Bea sits on one of the tables alone enjoying her sandwich. A few tables over, Poppy and her friends are laughing and sharing stories about their summer. One of the girls who’s sitting next to Poppy, catches Bea staring their way and gives a little wave. 

“Veronica who are you waving at?” Chloe’s voice blares and she turns her head looking around the lunch hall to see who’s gotten her attention now. 

Veronica Lombardi, Poppy’s other best friend and one of the very few people who actually treats Bea like a decent human being. She is one of the prettiest girls in school, excluding Poppy, and last year she made the decision to dye her hair a really cool greyish ombre which makes her look ever hotter. She’s also on the cheer team, and is also a vlogger and has over 30k subscribers on her growing youtube channel. Veronica’s family moved to Greensburg when she was 12, and she became quick friends with Poppy after being introduced at a work dinner since Veronica’s dad is one of the COOs for one of Poppy dad’s companies. Veronica also grew up with a lot of money and privilege but it never once deterred her from making friends from all sorts of places. She’s also the only one of Poppy’s friends who knows the truth about her and Bea’s relationship after accidentally walking into one of their make out sessions in the locker room last year during cheer and volleyball practice. She was super understanding and completely supportive of the relationship and often joins the girls when they would go to parties in the southside, arguing that they were tons more fun than the regular highschool parties her peers hosted. She loves to tease Poppy about Bea and insinuate that Poppy may or may not be in a secret relationship which would make their friendship group ask Poppy all kinds of questions about her ‘secret boyfriend’. 

“I’m just waving at Bea” that earns a hard eye roll from Chloe who just shifts her focus on her salad. “Is it me or has she gotten hotter over the summer?” she nudges Poppy with her elbow giving her a playful smile. Poppy’s jaw tightens as she stealthily kicks Veronica’s shin under the table. 

The rest of the people on the table have disgusted looks on their faces at the mention of Bea until Ford, one of the boys on the football team and a perfect example of classic dumb jock says, “I heard she got chylamidia or something because her mom pimps her out to get money or drugs”. 

Poppy takes a stab at her salad and gulps uneasily, “Can we talk about something less disgusting you’re making me lose my appetite.” 

Another girl, Tasha, who surprise surprise is also a cheerleader chimes in, “Like you ever have an appetite Poppy” the table bursts in laughter while Chloe sits in silence lost in thought. 

“What the hell are you plotting Chlo? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you think so much” Veronica laughs. 

A devilish smile appears on Chloe’s face, “I have a little surprise for that little tramp at the end of lunch, I’m just thinking about how hilarious it’s going to be”, the rest of the table reciprocate a similar smile on their faces except for Poppy and Veronica who just lock eyes confused at Chloe’s revelation. 

Poppy clears her throat, “so, uh, what are you planning?” Her tone is steady attempting to keep it as monotone as she can so no one suspects she cares. 

“Lets just say she’s gonna get the stripper treatment real soon” and with that the conversation swiftly changes. 

All the while an unsuspecting Bea sits at her table, after acknowledging Veronica’s wave with a swift nod of her head, Bea silently eats her lunch until she’s interrupted by two scrawny hands clamping onto her shoulders. 

“Dammit AJ you’re gonna give me a heart attack”, Bea sputters while her mouth is full of food. The young boy breaks into a wide grin and sits opposite Bea and swipes the cookie off Bea’s tray, “Hey no!” Bea grabs the cookie before he can shove it into his mouth, “not my cookie, I need my sugar”. 

AJ sulks a little, giving Bea a strong puppy dog look until she gives in and breaks her cookie in half giving him the larger piece. “Thanks Bea, I’m starving and all the good food has already run out, they’re just handing out apples for dessert” he sticks out his tongue making a ‘blergh’ sound and shudders. 

Bea doesn’t laugh, instead she stares intensely at the sophomore with a small frown outlined on her lips’, she leans in her voice low and serious, ‘AJ I want you to tell me the truth, where were you yesterday and why did you call me so late?” 

AJ gulps and places one of his hands on the back of his head and rubs it sheepishly, “I wasn’t doing anything bad I swear, it’s just that dad came home late last night and started fighting with my mom, it woke me up and I guess I just needed someone to talk to. I’m sorry i should’ve texted you back or something.” 

“Yeah you should’ve, AJ I was worried sick, you can’t pull that kinda crap on me okay? If you can’t reach me at least text me or leave a voice message or something.”

The boy nods but Bea isn’t entirely convinced he’s telling the truth but she decides to let it go since AJ is usually not someone who likes to dwell on the bad stuff. The conversation moves to a lighter one as the two reminisce about the summer and the parties they went to and how they were looking forward to the party on saturday. 

“I heard Razor’s getting a bunch of fireworks for the party, it’s gonna be so lit”, AJ is almost jumping out of his seat while Bea looks stunned. 

“Fireworks, really? Poppy would love that, I gotta remember to invite her.” 

AJ rolls his eyes slightly not that he had anything against Poppy, he adores her, he just hates the lovey dovey crap, “yes, yes she’ll love it,” he looks down at his phone and abruptly stands from his seat, and tells Bea he needs to fill up his water bottle but before Bea can even open her mouth, AJ moves out of her line of sight and sprints out of the dining hall. ‘Well he’s most definitely lying’ she thinks but she doesn’t want to press the matter in case AJ closes off on her, she trusts that he wouldn’t do anything too stupid. She begins to clean up after herself and throws her rubbish into the trash can and walks towards the courtyard. Just as she’s leaving, Chloe, Carter, Ford, Tasha and a few of the others on the table share a conspiratorial look before standing up and going after Bea. 

Poppy pulls Veronica to the side, her face filled with worry, “What the hell are they planning?” 

Veronica simply shrugs in response, her face looking exasperated, “I don’t know P but it’s not gonna be good”, she grabs Poppy’s elbow and pulls her towards the doors, “let’s catch up before something bad happens”. 

Bea peacefully walks in the courtyard, one of her hands inside her jacket pocket fiddling with the note Poppy left for her, a small smile gracing her features. Behind her, she hears a loud cough and stops in her tracks, she automatically knew it was Chloe, she softly sighs and turns to see a group of Poppy’s friends encircling her. Her face twitches into a scorn as she uneasily looks around to see the preppy kids staring back at her, all greeting her with a smile which unsettled her. 

“What the hell do you and your stupid cult want Chloe?” She tries to look unbothered but her fingers deceive her, as they fiddle with the straps of her backpack. Behind the group she sees Poppy and Veronica almost running and stopping in their tracks when they see the group surrounding Bea. 

“We all want a show,” Chloe spreads out her arms smiling, god her smug face is so punchable. She walks towards Bea until she’s standing directly in front of her, “well strip tease? I got a paying audience here, why don’t you show us what you mom taught you?” 

Bea shoves Chloe back, and Tasha steps forward and suddenly moves her hands so quick Bea for sure thinks she’s going to be punched. Instead she brings out a bunch of one dollar bills? ‘Oh shit’ is all Bea could think before the group began throwing one dollar bills at the brunette, drawing the attention of all the students in the courtyard. Some took out their phones to record the ordeal while some started cheering and whistling. 

“Come onnnn, don’t be such a tease Bea, show us something” Tasha forces Bea back into the middle of the circle as Bea struggles to leave. 

All the colour drains from Bea’s face as she takes in the faces of the laughing students all publicly humiliating her, it makes her so mad, especially at her mother, who’s at fault for the nickname ‘strip tease’. Bea looks over at Poppy who is frozen in her spot, her face falls when suddenly Veronica pushes herself into the circle and grabs Chloe by the arm, “End this now Chloe, it’s not funny,” Veronica’s eyes are filled with fury, Bea’s heart slightly drops because she secretly hoped that it was Poppy standing up for her. 

“Chillax V, Bea’s used to people throwing their money at her,” she laughs and bends down to pick up some fallen one dollar bills from the floor and throws it in the air. Carter moves towards Bea and places a folder one dollar bill in the loop of her jeans and winks at her and just when Bea pulls her hand back to deliver a blow, a sharp whistle sound infiltrates the ears of all the students who begin clasping at their ears. 

“What the hell is going on here!” the voice bellows over the entire courtyard. 

“Principal Steinhelm, I-” Chloe struggles to speak. 

Principal Steinhelm quickly assesses the situation, seeing Bea’s hands balled into fists and on the verge of tears, with one dollar bills thrown all around her while the rest of the students are surrounding her, some still holding money in their hands. She raises a hand and points at the crowd encircling all the guilty students and simply says, “All of you detention, if any of you do not show up today, there will be consequences. Get to class. Now”. All the students begin to disperse, Veronica places a hand on Bea’s arm and comfortingly rubs it for a few seconds before she walks towards Poppy who is still staring at Bea, her eyes filled with sadness, she looks away and trudges off with Veronica and the rest of her friends who are laughing cruelly in tow. Principle Steinhelm advances towards Bea, eyes filled with concern, “Miss Hughes would you like me to call your mother?”

Bea shakes her head no, her voice dissipated, scared that if she tries to speak, she’ll just burst into tears. Principle Steinhelm gives Bea an awkward pat on her shoulder before telling her to make her way to class as the bell rings. For the rest of the day, students around Bea were staring at her, sharing whispers and covertly laughing at the brunette, so much for not wanting to draw any attention today. Her phone buzzes with texts from Poppy but Bea puts her phone on silent not wanting to think about everything that just happened at school. 

Once the school day is over, Bea runs over to the parking lot and speeds off to work, not waiting to give Chloe a third chance to annoy her today. Poppy sees the girl rushing to leave and feels a pang in her chest. It kills her to see her girlfriend being mistreated but she couldn’t do anything to help her. Right? 

read part 3 here: 

[procrastinatorimagines]

REQUEST:  Hey! I love your imagines, they’re perfect.... would you mind write an imagine with hank? It would be nice if you could write something like how he fell in love w y/n and finally express his love, and it gets all cute and lovely...or something like that... ❤️

Word Count: 1,761

You’d fought your way to where you were now, they’d called you too bossy, too bitchy, too full of yourself, but the men in your law practice? Confident, in control, leader material. But you persevered, you always did, and soon you found yourself prosecuting some of the worst of the worst in your city of Chicago, a job that ended up getting you involved with Chicago’s Intelligence Unit. It wasn’t a straight forward case, the perp was well connected, but their sergeant, Hank Voight, was determined to see him brought to justice, and you couldn’t have agreed more. In the end you’d managed to do what multiple lawyers had failed to do, and you put him behind bars.

After that you’d worked along side Intelligence on numerous cases, they even started calling you specifically when they needed help on a case. A more recent one had gotten a little out of hand, however, as a witness who had been in the protection programme for six years was finally able to testify against the man who killed her family. How the guards had missed a gun entering the court room was beyond you, but you’d seen the muzzle out the corner of your eye, the defendants brother you were told later, trying to silence the only person who could put his brother away. One minute the gun was coming out, the next you’d had him on the floor, flipping him over your shoulder and disarming him before the guards could even reach the two of you. 

Needless to say it had been quite impressive, and after sentencing you’d joined the Intelligence Unit at Molly’s for the first time, Sergeant Voight putting your drinks on his tab. You’d talked long into the night, and many nights after that when you’d helped them on cases, and even when you didn’t. A lot of men, ex-boyfriends included, had thought you were a little too much to handle, intimidating even, but the more Voight seemed to learn about you, the more he had been drawn in, not pushed away.

But he had always held back, never quite telling you what he meant, or how he felt, there was still a wall between the two of you that you didn’t think you could break through, it was one he had to take down himself. You were prepared to wait, the way he looked at you, how relaxed he was around you, you knew he was starting to realise he had feelings for you, and you had feelings for him too. You were like equals, you matched each other, understood each other, he wasn’t put off by the others sides of you, and you weren’t by the other sides of him. It was a good match, but you could tell he wasn’t ready yet, and that was fine by you, you enjoyed his company and certainly weren’t about to make him uncomfortable.

Today was different, however, you’d spent the day working another case with Intelligence, trying to flip a robbery crew, and you and Hank had ended up being the last ones upstairs, sitting at his desk finishing off the last of the paperwork.

He’d been glancing up and you while you worked for a while, and you did everything you could to pretend you didn’t notice, trying to focus on your work, which wasn’t easy when he kept looking at you like that.

Finishing off the last line you glanced at your watch and shook your head, “god is that the time?” It was definitely later than you’d thought, and Hank stopped what he was doing to properly look at you now.

“Finished?” He asked, ordering his own papers and neatening them up.

“Yeah finally, trial shouldn’t be too bad next week with this done though,” you told him, “DA’s office has been chasing these guys for a while, without you guys we’d have been no where, so thanks.” He laughed at little at your remark, like you had it all backwards.

“Are you kidding? Sure, we catch the guys, but without you they’d just be right back on the streets,” he said.

“I’m not the only decent lawyer in Chicago you know,” you replied.

“Maybe not, but you are the best,” he grinned as you shook your head, a little flustered by the way he was looking at you as he spoke.

“How about we just say team effort?” You suggested and he nodded.

“Still calls for a celebration I think,” he added, “grab a drink? Could probably use one after how long this day has been.” You’d been out for drinks before, but the way he asked you this time, his tone, if felt different some how.

“Yeah,” you answered, “Molly’s?” That was where you always went, so you looked a little confused when Hank shook his head.

“I was thinking maybe some place different? Somewhere a little bit quieter, more relaxed?” Was it you or did he almost sound nervous now? Hank had never been one to be unsure of himself in all the time you’d known him, so you regarded his carefully as you answered.

“Where did you have in mind?” You asked, thinking about the implications of his words.

“There’s a place not too far from here, a liquor bar, best whisky in the city,” he explained, looking at you intently to gage your reaction.  Was he asking you out? You thought, wishing he’d just come out and say it if he was.

“That sounds nice,” you replied, noting how he relaxed a little, giving him the answer he was clearly hoping for. “I just have to go drop these off at my office, but I’ll meet you there in like 20.”

“Great, I’ll message you the address and grab us some drinks,” He stood up as you did, grabbing the things you needed before heading out of his office and down to the exit. You were heading in separate directions so you paused outside.

“See you soon Y/N,” he told you after a moment. 

“It’s a date,” you said with a wink, hedging your bets as you prepared to turn away, catching Hank grinning out the corner of your eye as you took off towards your office, glad you hadn’t been reading the situation all wrong.

The janitor was cleaning up as you let yourself in, quickly dumping your paperwork at your desk and applying just a little bit more make up before you went to go see Hank.

It was a nice bar, you thought as you approached, not that Molly’s wasn’t, but this was definitely higher end, and definitely where you took someone on a date. Took him long enough, you thought to yourself as you entered, spotting Hank sitting at the bar as you went in.

“Hey Y/N,” he greeted you with a small hug as you took a seat at the bar, removing your coat and looking around. It really was nice in here, not packed like Molly’s, but not empty, it was a lot quieter too, almost romantic even. He slid you your drink as you settled in.

“Well this is a nice place,” you commented, taking a small taste of your drink, “and this is definitely good whisky.” No wonder Hank liked it here, though you couldn’t imagine that he came here often.

“Found it a little while back on a case,” he explained as you took another sip, savouring the flavour as he continued, “not the most well known, but I figured it’s a change from Molly’s.” 

“So if I was to assume that you didn’t just ask me here for the whisky?” You asked suggestively, watching the way his expression turned soft.

“Figured it was time I asked you out for a real drink,” he explained, but you could tell there was more to it than that.

“Why now?” You pushed, wanting to know what had changed between the two of you, wanting to know where exactly you stood with each other.

“I’ve been thinking about it for some time, probably since you took that perp down at the court house,” you didn’t say a word, realising he still had more to say he was just trying to figure out how to say it, “but I don’t really date, I haven’t for a while.”

“How come?” You tried again, smiling gently, trying to let him know what he could talk to you, trust you with whatever it was that he was holding back, whatever was keeping him from fully being with you.

“I lost my wife to cancer a while ago, and losing my son the other year, then Erin leaving and Al... I never really felt like I deserved to try and find some kind of happiness again,” he told you at last, more open and vulnerable than you’d ever seen him. You swallowed, barely daring to breath as you considered this new information, your heart aching for his loss.

“But you do now?” All that loss, and he’d decided to open up to you. You realised just how much that meant to him, how closed off he usually was about anything personal, and you were happy he’d chosen to share it with you.

“Getting to know you, spending time with you, you’ve seen a lot of different sides of me and you haven’t looked away,” he said and you realised you’d felt the same way about him, that you’d both opened up to each other in ways that weren’t entirely familiar.

“And I won’t,” you reassured him, wanting to take his hand but not sure if he’d want you to right now. Hank had certainly never seemed like the kind of guy who’d want anyone’s pity, so you gave him some space to finish.

“I know that, I felt like asking you on a date, seeing if we could start something- it was something I didn’t deserve, but you make me feel like I could have a second chance.” He was sounding less sure of his words as he finished, looking at you a little expectantly for your reply and definitely looking like a weight had gone from his shoulders a bit, telling you something he’d probably never said to anyone else.

“You deserve one,” you insisted but he didn’t look entirely convinced as he replied.

“I don’t know about that, but I’d like to try, if you’d have me,” it was nearly a question as he stared at you, so you took him hand in yours and smiled as he squeezed it back, glad to be looking to the future.

[songsoomin]

Begin Again Part 1 (A, F)

Word count: Around 10k

Idol! Jongho x Fem Reader, Best friend! Hongjoong. Reader has serious body confidence issues due to a past relationship but Jongho will help her through it. First two chapters will be angst with some fluff but a little smut will appear in chapter 3.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, both emotional and psychological, body shaming, anxiety issues. 

Authour’s note: Reader is overweight but not as massive as she thinks she is. She has been conditioned through psychological abuse to believe she is very fat and unattractive. This is not intended to be the kind of story where reader becomes thin and is then happy and gets male attention (although, due to reader’s warped sense of self she does equate being thin with being happy). Even after losing some weight (for her own health and happiness) she is still somewhat overweight and curvy but the more important part is that she gets her confidence back and that is what makes her happier and more attractive. 

Part 2 Part 3

Posted 16th October 2020

This was a bad idea, you were sure of it. Meeting new people never worked out well for you and you could already feel the anxiety creeping up on you. But Hongjoong was with you, he had told you he'd look after you and you trusted him - not something that came easily to you, these days. Still, the little voice in your head kept telling you you were stupid to think anyone would like you.

As you both approached the restaurant you froze, pulling him to a stop with you.

"Hongjoong...I'm not sure I can do this." You looked at him, clearly nervous.

"Y/N. I know it's a lot of people to meet at once but they're the best bunch of guys you could ever meet - and I'll be here with you the whole time."

"Okay." You were still skeptical that they would like you - great guys or not. The problem wasn't them...it was you.

In school Hongjoong had been one of your closest friends but you fell out of touch with him when your lives started taking different paths. Looking back at the last few years you had actually lost touch with almost every friend you had - a byproduct of the toxic relationship you had been in - and now your self-esteem was so low that it felt too scary for you to make any new ones.

You had run into Hongjoong while shopping some months ago and he had asked you to have a coffee with him. He could see you were very different to how he remembered you and asked how you had been. It was a particularly difficult time for you and you couldn't keep it all in anymore. You broke down in front of him, frantically apologising for burdening him with all this. You were sure he was going to think you were crazy and you'd never hear from him again...but he stuck around. He kept texting, asking you to meet just to make sure you were okay and, gradually, he pursuaded you that you deserved better than how you were being treated. That your boyfriend was abusing you...even if he wasn't physically hurting you. It was psychological and emtional. You had lived walking on eggshells all the time - what was fine one day would cause him to get angry and lash out at you the next - or to spend days ignoring you completely. You never knew what to do or say to please him. Hongjoong helped you gain the strength to leave him and promised to help you start afresh.

So here he was, trying to get you back out into the world and make some friends because, if left to your own devices, the depression would make you sit inside your flat all alone, convincing you not to try in case you get hurt again.

The restaurant wasn't too crowded, which was good because you weren't comfortable around lots of people. Your red-haired best friend led you to a big table occupied by seven of the most attractive men you had ever seen and you froze up again.

You don't belong here.

The mean voice in your head taunted you.

Look at these guys...they're perfect and you're just...well, a fat mess.

You tried to ignore the voice as Hongjoong introduced you to all of them,

"Guys, this is my friend Y/N that I told you about. Y/N this is...." He reeled off all their names but you knew you wouldn't remember them all. You just tried to match names to the various hair colours, hoping it would be easier that way. They all greeted you warmly, Hongjoong pulled a chair out for you next to the big, blue haired one - Yunho - and sat on your other side. He was right, they were all very friendly and a few of them very loud.

"Y/N, how old are you? Can I talk comfortably?" You think the one who asked this was called Wooyoung, he was the loudest by far. Cute, with short black hair, parted in the middle but it had a dark bluish tinge in the light. His laugh was so high-pitched you thought your ear drums would burst before the end of the meal.

"What do you do, Y/N? Do you work or go to college?" Seonghwa was next, he was so attractive you almost forgot how to form coherent sentences. Big, dark eyes, a beautiful smile and darkish-blonde hair that almost covered his eyes. He seemed the most mature of the lot and looked a bit intense sometimes - he was a little intimidating, really.

"What kind of music do you listen to? What kind of fashion do you like? Your trainers are really cool." The big one with brown hair threw questions at you next. He was dressed really well so you guessed he must like clothes a lot. He was big, like Yunho but he didn't look so friendly, at first. You thought he might be a bit cold when he was just sitting there but when he smiled it lit up his face. He was easily the cutest, despite his size.

"I'm not into clothes much...I just wear whatever, really."

Yeah, whatever you can find to fit you - which isn't much. You look awful in everything.

I mean, he has eyes...he can see how fat you are. Does he really think you can wear the new fashions in the shops? They're all made for skinny girls, after all.

You tried your best to block out the voice because you knew he was just being friendly but the voice was always there reminding you how awful you were. Making you feel even worse.

Even before you had become withdrawn you had never been outgoing - always shy and only talking to people once they'd spoken to you first - but now outgoing people were so opposite to you they actually made you feel a little uncomfortable and you couldn't help shying away from them.

Hongjoong recognised it - probably because you were clinging on to his sleeve - and asked them to tone it down.

"Guys...stop bombarding Y/N with so many questions. You really are a bit too much sometimes." He chided, although affectionately.

They got the message and switched to general conversation after a chorus of sorries. You calmed a bit once you weren't the centre of attention, just enjoying their chatter and the way they were with each other. They had a closeness you'd never experienced yourself with friends. You had been good friends with Hongjoong but, as far as girlfriends went, you'd always felt left on the outside.

You'd had some bad experiences and knew that girls could be very mean. In the past some had pretended to like you but talked shit about you behind your back. Sometimes you'd feel you were left out on purpose - once even listening to girlfriends plan a night out, knowing you were there but not inviting you. These kind of things happened more than once, with different groups, so in the end you decided it was you. You must be unlikeable in some way. It was after that you became friends with Hongjoong and his friends in the last two years of school, prefering the honesty of boys. They weren't usually two-faced and bitchy like the girls. In your experience, if a boy didn't like you he would either tell you or show it in some other way.

That was why you had agreed to come out with Hongjoong today, you felt more comfortable with boys and you knew he was a good judge of character. If this had been a table of girls you'd have been way too scared to come...and god knows what that voice would be saying to you now. Most of the girls he knew were idols like him - and it was fair to say you were on the larger side - so the inferiority complex you'd develop sitting with girls that thin and pretty didn't bear thinking about.

Despite your discomfort you were truly enjoying being with the group and litening to their stories and friendly jibes. It's hard being around a group of friends who have a long history because they will talk about their shared experiences but they were all kind enough to explain the stories to you and include you as much as they could. You appreciated their kindness.

They're probabbly getting sick of you by now...having to explain everything. You're just an incovenience to everyone. I bet they wish you weren't here.

The waiter came over to take the order and you asked for a diet Pepsi.

"Diet?" Yeah, right. They're probably laughing at you for ordering a diet when you look like you don't even know the meaning of the word. One look at you and they can see you don't do 'diet' anything.

The voice was often stronger in your mind when you were already anxious or in an uncomfortable situation. Right now it was really being mean. You also ordered something relatively light and healthy to eat and that spurred the voice on more.

Really? You know they can see you, right? They won't think you usually eat this way. You're not that fat because you've been eating salads.

You tried your best to drown it out and just listen to the guys' chatter again. You knew you'd probably still be hungry after so you'd eat back at home.

Yeah...too much. Like always.

You knew in your heart that they wouldn't think you ate that healthily normally but you didn't like eating in front of others. Other peope judged you for how you looked, what you ate. You'd rather they inwardly laughed at you for trying to pretend you were healthy than look at a fat girl eating junk food and be more disgusted.

The thought brought back old memories of the daily nagging your ex subjected you to...

"Y/N? Do you really think you should be eating that? You eat far too much."

"When are you going to start losing some weight?"

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

"A salad would probably be better for you than that."

"I just think you should get rid of that dress. It makes you look awful."

"I'm not trying to upset you but I just want you to be as attractive and beautiful as you used to be. Everyone knows fat isn't sexy."

He never outright called you names or said things anyone would consider insulting so it was difficult to see that what he was doing was emotional abuse. What he did was gradually strip you of any shred of self-confidence. Everyday the things he said were carefully designed to remind you that you weren't as thin as you were when you met him and therefore you weren't good enough. There were certain clothes he disliked because they didn't flatter your size as well as others and if you wore any of those he would withold hugs and affection. You could see him purposefully not looking in your direction anytime you were changing because seeing you naked was so repulsive to him. But he didn't leave you to find someone better. He carried on gradually demeaning you, trying to force you into becoming what he wanted you to be. He thought if he made you feel bad enough, you would eat better and go to the gym but it didn't work that way. Your self-worth became so wrapped up in what you looked like that you began hating yourself. You couldn't go to the gym because people would laugh at you. You stopped going on nights out with friends because you hated how you looked in everything you owned and didn't want people looking at you. Laughing because the fat girl thought she could make herself look good by putting on some make up and a nice dress. It was logical to think that if you didn't like your weight you could just eat better but the depression kept you down and just made you eat more. A vicious circle. The more you ate the more you hated yourself until you just got used to it. You might have got rid of him but the voice remained, constantly demeaning and mocking you.

You were close to tears now but didn't want to embarrass yourself further so you made an excuse to leave the table.

"Joong, I'm just going to the bathroom."

"Okay." You'd learned in the previous months that Hongjoong could always see through you but everyone was around so he didn't comment on it. He knew you wouldn't want anyone else to see you were upset. You appreciated his sensitivity but how he also wouldn't let you bottle things up until they were really hurting you too much. You knew it was his mature and caring nature that made him perfect as the group's leader.

You calmed yourself down and went back out before anyone would wonder why you'd been gone too long.

You think anyone but Hongjoong would even notice you were gone?

When you got back to the table they were all still engrossed in conversation but Hongjoong lightly squeezed your hand under the table and Yunho broke off to talk to you. A few seats away another boy smiled at you shyly, noticing your return. You hadn't spoken to him directly and he seemed one of the quietest of the group. He had light brown hair and a cute smile. You wouldn't have thought he was the youngest because he was a bit stockier than the rest and seemed more mature than Wooyoung and Mingi but he called each of them 'Hyung' so you guessed he must be. In any event, he had seemed to notice when you returned so maybe the voice wasn't always right. You felt hopeful but you also knew how quickly hopes could be crushed. You guessed you'd just have to see how this went.

As the meal went on you really were enjoying yourself but couldn't get rid of the fear of judgement completely, despite how nice they seemed. You felt so self-conscious as you ate in front of them that you took tiny bites and didn't even finish it all. You noticed the same boy - who you'd now learned was called Jongho - looking over at you every now and then and it made you feel a bit anxious.

He's probably judging you. He's clearly very fit and active, whereas, you get no exercise and clearly eat too much...what must he think?

You tried your best to shove it to the back of your mind and enjoy the afternoon.

You had had fun but were glad once you got home, where you could relax and know no one was watching or judging you. You went to the freezer and took out a full tub of ice cream, ready to eat the whole thing by yourself. Food used to comfort you - something you'd learned a long time ago and had now become a habit - but these days you didn't get the same feeling. Eating had become robotic, almost. You picked up food even when you weren't really hungry and, although you still enjoyed the taste and the action of eating, you couldn't say you paid much attention anymore and the whole tub would be gone before you knew it. You thought it might be like drugs, where you needed more all the time to get the same fix. Or maybe it was just that you'd had to disassociate from your feelings that you didn't get the same pleasure you once got because inside you were actually ashamed of yourself and, as long as you weren't feeling anything, you wouldn't feel that either.

You did want to change because, if nothing else, you knew overeating wasn't healthy. It wasn't that you thought people needed to be thin to be beautiful because you knew beauty was subjective and came in all forms but you knew you were much happier in yourself when you were slimmer. How much of that was due to the mistreatment from your ex-boyfriend, it was impossible to know. Maybe if he had embraced you as you were you could be happy at whatever size without hating yourself but it was done now.

You weren't completely sure why you felt ashamed of yourself because you never judged other people for not being thin. You could only imagine that it was another side-effect of the emotional abuse. He was always gaslighting...making it seem like it was your fault.

“I'm only trying to help...don't you want to look good?”

"You know how unhappy it makes me. Don't you care about saving our relationship? If you did you'd be down at the gym doing something about it."

If you ever tried to point out how his behaviour made you feel or how he could change how he treated you so you were happier together he just turned it back on you.

"I'm not the one who needs to change. The only problem in our relationship is your size so it's you that needs to fix it."

Deep down you knew that wasn't true, though. His behaviour wasn't right and shaming someone was not an incentive for self-improvement. On the contrary, it only made you eat more but now you did it in secret where you couldn't be seen and, therefore, couldn't be judged. At least until they could see the results of your overeating.

                                                     ********

A few days later you and Hongjoong were watching a few more episodes of the Netflix drama you'd started together in your apartment. You'd just finished the second and were having a break to get more drinks before beginning the third when he seemed to remember something.

"Oh, Y/N! I forgot to tell you...the guys all said they like you. Said it was nice to meet someone new, for a change."

You leaned back against the kitchen side, abandoning the hunt for drinks for a moment, "What do you mean?"

"Well...we get so few chances to meet anyone who isn't part of our industry or who isn't a fan." Hongjoong continued on, lifting himself up onto the opposite counter-top. "The people in our industry are like us where they don't get to do much real-life stuff so mostly we end up talking about idol life and work. We adore our fans and love getting to meet them but it is still a big part of being an idol so it's nice when we meet someone not linked to that at all."

"Really?" You asked. You liked hearing about Hongjoong's life but never pressed him for too much information. He did talk about it but was usually more concerned with how you were doing. You'd never pressed him too much about being an idol because you wanted him to be able to be himself with you and talk about whatever he wanted.

"Yeah, it's nice for us to have friends who we can talk to about other things and get some time to switch off from work. That's probably why they bombarded you with questions the other day." He laughed thinking about it and you had to join in. Hongjoong had such a bright smile that it made you happy just seeing it. You knew he used a lot of his free time trying to help you mend yourself and you had worried he'd get sick of your drama but it felt like a relief to know he liked the distraction.

He'll get sick of you one day. He may be helping you now but he'll soon realise you're not worth it.

"I really liked meeting them, too. It was a bit overwhelming at first but they seemed just as nice as you said they were. Thanks, Joong, I had fun for once." You smiled at your red-haired best friend, still sitting up on the counter.

"They liked you, too...they even suggested I bring you over to the dorm sometime."

"They liked me? I thought they'd have seen how boring I am. I'm too quiet and shy."

Hongjoong sighed, "Y/N...you are a wonderful person and being shy doesn't make you boring. You're different to the other kinds of people we know and that is refreshing."

You looked down at your hands awkwardly, not used to hearing anything good about yourself from anyone but your parents and they had to say nice things about you - they were biased.

"It's understandable that you're reserved around new people given what you've been through. That arsehole made you feel like you're not worth anything and you've nothing to offer anyone but it's just not true. I've got to know you again and once you let me in I could see how great you are. You're funny and caring and they'll see it soon, as well, if you let them."

"Stop it Joong, you know how uncomfortable compliments make me." You said, blushing.

Hongjoong hopped down from the counter and slung an arm around your shoulder, "That's because you don't believe any of it yet and I'm not going to stop until you do."

"Thanks, Joong...I don't know where I'd be without you."

                                                      ********

You stood outside the door to the boys' dorm, anxiety flaring. Slowly you took some deep breaths in an attempt to calm yourself. Hongjoong had told you they had liked you and wanted to see you again but you still doubted it.

Over time you had come to believe that people never really liked you - you weren't worth it. You were too quiet and boring, not attractive enough so what did you really have to offer? Thinking this way meant that you had trouble believing Hongjoong even though you knew he was a good person and wouldn't lie to you. He could've been mistaken, though.

They probably just told him they liked you because you're his friend and they didn't want to hurt his feelings.  

But he said they had suggested I come over...so that can't be true. You told the nasty voice in your head and hoped you were right. Finally feeling a little more calm you knocked timidly on the door.

Jeez...even your knock is boring.

You heard a small comotion on the other side of the door before you heard the click of the door opening.

"Guys, stop crowding! She doesn't want you all in her face straight away."

As Hongjoong opened the door with a sigh you saw three of his members standing behind him looking excited and you had to laugh a little. Thankfully you remembered their names - Yunho was easy because he had blue hair and you remembered San and Wooyoung as they had been the ones to talk to you most at the restaurant.

"Hi." You felt a little overwhelmed again but not as much as last time. True, it was a new environment and those added to your anxiety but the three guys seemed genuinely pleased to see you again so you felt much more comfortable already.

"Hi, Y/N!" Hongjoong greeted you with a hug, then, turning to the other three commanded,

"Guys...give Y/N some room to breathe before you attack her."

San looked slightly forlorn, like a small child who's dad just told him he couldn't go out to play yet and you smiled because he just looked so cute.

Wooyoung, however, ignored Hongjoong completely.

"Y/N, what kind of pizza topping do you like? We're ordering a bunch for all of us."

"Uh, I like Hawaiian best."

"Yes! I knew someone else but me must like pineapple on pizza."

The tall brown haired one, Mingi you thought, yelled from his spot on the sofa with a tone that said 'I told you so' to the others.

"Fine," Wooyoung replied, "You and Y/N can share that one and the rest of us will get the usual order."

Mmmm, pizza. That'll help you to not be a massive fat cow. The voice chimed in sarcastically and you sighed.

"Are you okay?" Yunho asked, bringing you out of your own thoughts.

"Oh...yeah, I'm fine."

"Let's get you a drink. We got Pepsi, Fanta, juice...."

You followed Yunho to the kitchen while he carried on talking to you and asking how you had been. He was really easy to talk to and, although he seemed like he could be quite hyper and chaotic - especially with Mingi, as you witnessed at the restaurant - he also seemed to have a more perceptive side, like he could read how people were feeling. You appreciated how he was chatting with you more calmly, without making you feel overwhelmed by attention.

You made your way into the living area of their dorm and looked around. Not all the boys had been there to greet you when you came in, which was good as it meant you didn't have the focus of eight people on you all at once.

Yeosang, the quietest of the group, was sitting on the couch by Mingi and he smiled and said "Hi." when you came over and took a seat on the other couch. Mingi, happy to have found someone who let him order pineapple pizza started chatting to you, asking if you wanted to watch a movie or play games first. They seemed to have the evening planned out but it was nice he was asking what you wanted to do - it made you feel included.

Seonghwa was getting snacks together in the kitchen and when he brought them out to the living room the boys all descended on him like they were starving. He tutted, grumbling about how uncivilised they were but you could see the affection he held for them. Hongjoong had told you Seonghwa was the oldest so you presumed he took on more of a caring role like Joong did.

Jongho was the last to enter, coming from down the hall where their bedrooms must be. He paused slightly when he saw you there and gave you a small smile. You weren't really sure what that meant. He didn't seem as pleased to see you as the others but didn't seem unhappy either...more awkward, maybe. Hongjoong had been trying to help you stop and think through the negative thoughts you had and to actively think kinder thoughts about yourself so you tried not to think it was anything personal, like you normally would. Maybe Jongho was just awkward around new people like you were.

As you were contemplating that you reached for your drink on the coffee table, completely missing the target but managing to knock the glass over, spilling all the liquid inside over the table and the floor.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I'll get something to wipe it up!"

You rushed frantically to the kitchen looking for paper towels or a cloth to clean the spill but Seonghwa was already on the case and getting everything he needed for the job.

"It's okay, Y/N, I'll get it."

"I should clean it, it was my fault." You mentally kicked yourself for not being careful enough.

"You're our guest, it's fine. Don't worry." Seonghwa said with a kind smile.

A memory of your ex looking at you with disgust played through your mind...

"You're so useless. You can't do anything right.”

"I'm sorry, it was just an accident."

"It's only ever me who cares about keeping this place clean - you just go around messing things up. You'd probably be just as happy living in a pigsty. At least that would suit you more."

 You must've looked like you were on the verge of an anxiety attack as Hongjoong came over and placed his arm around your shoulders.

"It's okay, Y/N. Breathe."

"I'm sorry, Joong. I should've been more careful. I'm just so clumsy."

"Y/N..." He faced you with a hand on each of your shoulders and looked you straight in the eye, "No one is upset about this. It happens, don't worry."

Seonghwa was already done cleaning up the spill and wiping the area down with a wet cloth so it didn't get sticky. He smiled as he passed you on his way back to the kitchen. You peeked past Hongjoong to the others and no one looked angry or annoyed at your clumsiness...just a little confused at the exchange between Hongjoong and yourself.

They're probably wondering what kind of crazy person they've let into their dorm by now.

"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom." You moved quickly to avoid the curious gaze of the others while Hongjoong called out,

"It's the last door on the left."

Once locked in the bathroom you sat on the lid of the toilet, head in your hands and trying not to let all the panic take over you. You thought it might help to splash cold water on your face except you had make up on.

It doesn't help, though. You might look slightly better with make up on but you'll still look ugly.

At least that's what the voice tells you each time you try to make yourself look more presentable. You might not think you're that attractive in make up but you sure as hell know you look like crap without it.

"Aren't you going to wear make up today?"

"We're only going to see your mother...I'm sure she doesn't care if I don't have any make up on."

"It doesn't seem like you care about how you look either."

That was just one of the many snide comment your ex would make if you didn't feel like wearing make up every now and then. Comments that let you know that he would only find you acceptable with make up and nice clothes.

Sometimes it was something like, "Well, if you don't want to make an effort for me..." that made you feel like you didn't love him enough, that you didn't care if he was happy with you. You'd always end up either going back to put on make up to make him happy or spending the day with him virtually ignoring you just so you knew just how displeased he was with how you looked.

You took a few deep breaths and sighed, forcing yourself up and out the bathroom because it wouldn't do any good to hide in here. That would make them all think you really were a crazy mess.

You paused as you walked down the hall upon hearing one of the guys ask, "Is Y/n okay? Her reaction to spilling her drink was a bit...odd."

"Uh...it's not really my place to say but...it's because of her ex. He wasn't good to her. In fact, he was quite cruel a lot of the time."

There was a pause as you listened but then noises of disgust came from some the boys.

"Oh my god!"

"What a bastard!"

"But she's so sweet...how could he do that?"

"I know." Hongjoong said, "She's come a long way but don't bring it up, please. I don't want her more upset."

You smiled, Hongjoong was the one who was so sweet. He really was your rock and the only one you'd ever really opened up to about it all. Your parents knew your ex wasn't always good to you but you hadn't wanted to upset them by telling them how badly he treated you. Whenever you had been around them or his parents he had been the master of pretending your relationship was great and showing how much he 'loved' you.

As you walked back into sight, the guys went back to chatting or looking at their phones. Mingi and Jongho were arguing over what movie to watch. Jongho wanted horror but Mingi was outright refusing.

Only Joong and Seonghwa took notice of your return as you walked over to them in the kitchen.  

"Sorry for making you clean up my mess, Seonghwa."

Seonghwa looked at you with a smile - he really was painfully attractive.

"Y/N...Joong and I live with six massive children. You think these boys aren't constantly making a mess for me to clean up?"

"Okay, I suppose..." You laughed, "...but I'm still sorry that I made you."

"It's nothing, really."

Seonghwa quietly exited the kitchen, leaving you alone with your best friend.

"You okay now?" He asked, concerned.

"Yeah. Just my normal reaction to messing up."

"You don't have to live like that anymore, Y/N." You felt Hongjoong's arms wrap around you comfortingly.  "It was his reactions that weren't normal. No one deserves to be made to feel like shit every day and certainly not over silly things like a spilled drink or forgetting to put something away."

You let out a big breath and relaxed into Hongjoong's embrace. Once he felt you had calmed down properly he spoke again.

"Do you wanna go join the guys again? The pizza must almost be here."  

                                                    ********

"You can't do that, Woo!" You exclaimed.

"I can! I've always played like that." the dark-haired boy retorted.

"That is not how you play. I'm not having it." You replied, setting your cards down and picking your phone up to Google the official rules of Uno.

"Y/N, I've been trying to tell him this for six years but we always end up arguing." Yeosang said wearily.

"Yeah." Yunho added, "That's why we never play Uno anymore."

You found the official Uno page and read over the rules until you found what you were after.

"When a person places this card the next player will have to pick up two cards and forfeit their turn." You read word-for-word off the screen. "You have to pick up two cards. You can't just put another plus two card and make me pick up four!"

"Well...that's not how I play." Wooyoung replied stubbornly but you could be just as stubborn.

"Okay then...I just won't play with you if you cheat."

Wooyoung gasped dramatically at the implication of cheating while the others all laughed at your childish interaction.

It felt so good having fun for a change. Spending time with people who seemed to genuinely like you and have fun with you, too. People who weren't constantly looking out for any mistakes you made so they could make you feel like shit.

You'd spent quite a few evenings at the dorm with Hongjoong and the boys and you were slowly starting to relax around them - enough to start arguing over game rules, certainly, but you still had a lot of doubt. Despite your last relationship you still had a tendency to trust too easily because you were desperate for warmth and friendship. The voice in your head had taken the place of your ex, constantly telling you you weren't good enough, that no one could ever want you, you weren't funny or pretty or interesting in any way. So, even though it had the potential to destroy all the progress you'd made so far, you felt yourself trusting them more and more because they seemed so nice and kind. They appeared to accept you for who you were and not judge your looks or size. Laughing at how you and Woo were playfully arguing it appeared like they really liked having you around. You just hoped the voice was wrong and you weren't setting yourself up for more pain when you found out they were just pretending to like you for Hongjoong's sake.

                                                      ********

You were sitting on the couch in the boys' dorm for another evening of a Netflix series and pizza - Yeosang and Jongho had won the battle this time, it was a horror and Mingi was not happy. Despite your original impression of him being big and intimidating he was actually just a big baby who loved affection just as much as you and right now he was holding on to your hand and squeezing his eyes shut every time the music that signalled something bad was about to happen started playing. You couldn't blame him, though, you were holding his hand just as tight and watching the tv through half-closed eyes so you could shut them quicker if something scary did appear on the screen. Your best friend, Hongjoong, was sitting on your other side, hand lightly resting on your leg in a comforting way because he knew you didn't like scary programmes.

"I still enjoy the storylines even if they do scare me." You'd told him after the episode ended, when he asked you why you still wanted to watch them.

"Do you want the last slice, Y/N?" Mingi asked, holding up the pizza box from the Hawaiian you'd shared again.

"I really shouldn't." You sighed, "You have it."

"What do you mean?" The tall brown-haired boy asked, confused.

"Well..it's alright for you guys to eat a lot because you all dance all day and work it off. You don't get fat from it. I'm just getting bigger and bigger so I need to lose some weight."

"That's stupid." San said, matter-of-factly, "There's nothing wrong with how you are."

You knew San meant well and didn't judge you but when he said 'how you are' it just cemented in your head that 'how you were' wasn't good at all. It was the same as being told you look good 'for your size' - if you weren't overweight he would surely have just said there's nothing wrong with you.

"Thanks, San but I don't feel like I'm fine like this." You said feeling awkward as everyone was looking at you now.

"I can teach you to dance, if you like. It's really good exercise." Yunho offered.

You know their practice room is upstairs, right? You'd probably go through the floor. The voice in your head mocked you.

"You do not want to see me trying to dance." You grimaced at the thought of your clumsy, uncoordinated body lumbering around a practice room.

"You could always come to the gym with me." Jongho said.

It surprised you as Jongho didn't usually talk to you that much and your face must have shown your surprise as he quickly added on, "If you want to, I mean."

From the corner of your eye you saw Wooyoung and Yeosang share a look and smirk and you couldn't help but wonder what that meant. Were they laughing at the thought of you exercising...or how you'd look in gym clothes? You didn't think on it too long, though as Jongho was still waiting, looking awkward.

"I guess?" You answered, except it came out more like a question. "I don't think I'll be very good at it, though. I've never really been to a proper gym."

"That's no problem..." the youngest said excitedly, "I can coach you."

"I don't want to use up all your time, though. You must have other things you want to do and you guys don't get a lot of time off."

"Don't worry, Y/N," Hongjoong told you, "Jongho spends most of his time off at the gym anyway."

"Well...okay then. When do we start?"

                                                    ********

You stood looking at yourself in the mirror, sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt left over from your last failed attempt at losing weight through exercise. You didn't like the way you looked but there was only one way to change that so you would just have to suck it up and go.

On getting to the gym doors you stopped to take a deep breath. It surely wouldn't be that bad but you couldn't help but worry in case people judged you or laughed at you. It didn't make sense for people to laugh because you were at least there making an effort but you'd seen your fair share of larger people being laughed at for exercising and trying to get fitter but you'd long ago realised that people were cruel. You'd be mocked for being bigger but mocked even more for trying to change it.

At least Jongho would be there to support you... Unless... the voice in your head started...

You don't know him that well...what if he thinks it's funny, too? What if he stands you up and you're left here looking stupid all alone? He might even -

'STOP IT!' You shouted silently at the voice in your head, 'You can't keep making me feel this way! Jongho wouldn't have offered to help if he was going to be mean...Hongjoong's friends aren't like that.

You were going to have to overcome this voice if you were ever going to be able to accept yourself and be happy. You knew that but it was easier said than done because these were all your thoughts about yourself and how people thought of you. If someone like your ex was being cruel and saying derogatory things about you, you could cut them out of your life and their voice would be gone but when it's your own 'voice' degrading you...how do you cut your own cruelty out of your life?

You cut that train of thought short as you could see Jongho inside the gym - surrounded by a vast array of intimidating looking machines - and you didn't want to keep him waiting. This wasn't the time for an personal crisis. It was the time, however, to force yourself through those doors and try to take the first steps towards liking yourself again.

"...five...four...three...two...one. You did it!" Jongho exclcimed happily, grinning at you. You were exhausted already because you just weren't used to this type of activity and you knew you were gonna feel it in the morning.

You and Jongho had only done twenty minutes on the treadmill before he had you using the weights. The machines had looked scary and complicated to you but he assured you he would do all the prep work and help you position yourself right. He helped you test out how much you could lift without causing damage as your muscles weren't used to the strain but he said he didn't want it to feel too easy or there would be no benefit.

"Are you sure I shouldn't be using the cardio machines if I need to lose weight?" You asked Jongho uncertainly, "I don't want to build myself up."

"No." The light brown-haired boy answered sounding very sure of himself, "Too much cardio won't help. You need to stress your muscled to make them kick into burning fat effectively. You won't build lots of muscle because you won't be lifting that much and we'll just be doing short high intensity bursts on each different machine but you will tone up."

You looked at him in awe of his knowledge, Hongjoong must be right, Jongho must spend a lot of time here. You looked over his physique as he was talking to you, he was just in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt but it was enought to hint at the muscled he had underneath that were usually hidden under his  normal clothes. You could see that Jongho had a bigger build than the others but you'd not been able to see how well-defined it was before now.

"You'll need to do some cardio before and after, of course, as your warm-up and cool-down or you could damage your muscles...and you don't want that because it could put you out of action for a while and you'll have to build your fitness back up again."

"Oh, okay. Well, you seem to really know what you're doing so just tell me what I have to do and I'll do it."

He seemed pleased at your assessment of his knowledge because he smiled, allbeit with a slight blush - maybe you'd embarrassed him a little. It occurred to you that this was probably the longest you'd ever spoken to Jongho for so maybe it was just the slight awkwardness that still lingered between the two of you.

"Good, then get yourself settled into the bicep curl and we'll continue with your arms."

                                                    ********

"Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three...two...five...four-"

"Hey!" You cried, "You can't do that!"

"Do what?" Jongho asked innocently.

"You can't go back to five when I just got to one...it's not fair!"

Your 'instructor' laughed a little, "It's a standard training technique. You've been doing so well over the last month that I wanted to increase your reps but if I say do fifteen from the start you'd think it too much."

"I would." You agreed.

"But...if I just add another few on while you're already working you'll just continue - well, that's what most trainers find works." He gave you a questioning look and you wondered what he was thinking.

He's thinking you're a lazy, fat cow who can't see hard work through.

'That's not true!' You answered the nasty voice in your head silently, 'I have been working hard.'

"Okay, I'll try." You we're skeptical but you really wanted to show him you could try hard.

Jongho smiled at you and you couldn't help but want to do your best when he flashed you his cute, gummy grin.

"Great, let's go again! Ten..."

                                                   ********

Your muscles were so tight the next day after Jongho had increased the workload and you groaned lightly as you shifted position on the couch in the boys' dorm.

"You okay, Y/N?" Hongjoong wondered as he heard you grumbling to yourself.

"Oh, it's just my legs. Jongho made me work harder yesterday and my muscles are really achy." You looked over to see said boy looking a bit sheepish.

"I'm really good at deep muscle massages." Jongho was already next to you by the time he'd finished his sentence and reaching for you. Alarm bells instantly went off in your head - you didn't want him to touch you. It was enough that he saw you sweating and looking less than dignified at the gym, you didn't want him to be able to feel your flabby legs, as well.

"No!" You virtually shouted as you pulled your legs up under you so fast, ignoring your muscles' complaints.

"I'm sorry." You said in a small voice as Jongho looked confused and - maybe -a little hurt. The other boys were all looking at you, too, having been surprised by your outburst.

"I just...don't really like people touching me much." The apologetic look was clear on your face as you tried to explain so he knew it was your problem and nothing against him.

"It’s okay, I understand that. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." He smiled slightly but you could still see the hint of hurt on his face.

You felt awful. You didn't want Jongho to feel bad about something that was all you but you didn't know how to make it better so you just smiled apologetically back at him. The night continued on but you couldn't deny it felt a little awkward - especially when you saw Jongho look at you out of the corner of his eye when he noticed you let Hongjoong take your hand to hold while you were all watching TV. The gesture was to comfort you because your best friend knew you well enough to know you'd feel uneasy about the unwanted attention you'd brought on yourself.

Out of the eight boys, physical contact was something you only let Hongjoong do because you trusted him not to judge you. You didn't know them well enough yet and trusting people didn't come easy. Again, though, you had to admit that it was nothing to do with what kind of people they were because they really did seem genuinely lovely people. The problem was completely within you. You thought they'd judge your size because you judged it yourself. Thought they might secretly dislike you because you disliked yourself. Wondered why they wanted to hang around with a boring, unattractive girl like you because that's how you saw yourself. Thought they'd be disgusted if they saw or felt how you looked under the baggy clothes you wore because that's exactly how you felt when you saw or touched yourself. If you couldn't even like yourself, how could anyone else?

                                                    ********

"Jongho..." You panted, struggling to catch your breath, "I can't...do anymore...I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologising?" He asked confused.

"Because I'm failing." Not wanting to meet his eyes you looked down dejectedly. It had been a week since Jongho had increased your workout routine and you were exhausted. You dragged yourself off the treadmill and sat on the seat of the nearest weight machine.

"You're doing great, Y/N."

"No. I'm failing like I do everytime I try to lose weight." You felt tears welling up and were about ready to give up.

You always give up. You're lazy and useless so you might as well do it again.

Jongho frowned and placed one of his hands on each of your shoulders; you went to stand up off the seat and move away from his touch but he wouldn't let you, he was holding you too firmly. He crouched down so he was on your eye level.

"Y/N. Don't be so hard on yourself. This is a really tough workout and...I may have pushed you a little too far."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"I'm really not." He was trying to get you to look at him but you wouldn't. "We've been here almost every day this week and it's probably too much straight after increasing the workload."

"Really?" Looking up you looked Jongho in the eyes trying to guage if he really meant it or was just being kind to you. His dark brown eyes were staring straight back into yours and you could only see sincerity. It made hope swell a little inside you.

"A lot of people think that the more they do, the fitter they will become but if you take on too much at once you will exhaust yourself. If you're struggling, it's probably your body telling you to slow down and allow yourself to rest."

"You think so? I'm not just a massive failure?"

"No." Jongho chuckled.

But you are massive.

"In fact," he continued, "it's me who should be apologising for letting you do too much. You could've hurt yourself."

"It's okay." You smiled, just happy he didn't think you were useless.

"How about we make sure we only do every other day to allow you resting time inbetween. We'll finish up for today and get showered."

"Sure, thanks Jongho."

You were just turning to go shower when you heard him call out to you in a softer voice than normal.

"Uhh...Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to get a coffee or something when were done here?" He looked a little unsure of himself, which was unusual because here in the gym he always seemed very confident.

"Oh...Uh, sure. I guess we could." You felt quite awkward yourself and you realised again that, although you were spending time with Jongho, you weren't really socialising - too busy concentrating on training. Nerves started to rush through you at the thought of trying to have a conversation with just the two of you but he'd been so kind to help you, you didn't want to say no.

Not wanting to keep him waiting you showered as quick as you could and towel dried your hair, leaving it to dry on it's own. You put on the same kind of baggy clothes you always wore and headed out of the women's changing room to meet him.

Your 'training instructor' smiled warmly at you when you walked over. "I know a nice coffee shop not too far from here, we can go there if you like?"

"I'm fine with wherever you want to go."  You told him, smiling shyly.

The two of you walked mostly in silence with just a bit of small talk between you. You weren't sure if Jongho was shy like you or just quieter than the other boys - some of them were so loud they didn't give the others a chance to say much. Maybe he was just the kind of person who didn't feel the need to fill the silence.

Every now and then as you were walking you saw him steal a glance at you from the corner of your eye. You tried not to think it was because he was judging you but that was always your first thought whenever anyone looked at you. You weren't always like this, in fact you used to be confident and get a lot of attention from boys. How you were now was the result of the systematic destructuction of your self-esteem over years. Being constantly told you weren't good enough, attractive enough, thin enough, pretty enough.  Being made to feel like no one else would ever want you. You used to like the attention you got but now whenever anyone looked at you, you were sure it was because they were judging how you'd 'let yourself go', as your ex would so often put it. But you'd been doing well with trying to see the positive side so you dismissed those thoughts because why would he ask you to get coffee if he was embarrasssed to be seen with you?

The cafe was one you'd not seen before and you could already see it was pretty just from the outside. It looked more like an independent shop than part of a large chain with old-style signage and the cafe name in italics.

Jongho held the door open and you walked in to find small tables with a little vase set on each one. Inside each vase was a pink flower which complemented the colour of the cushions on the ornate chairs. There were fairy lights hung aroung the cafe which gave it an almost magical feel.

"Wow, this place is really pretty." You breathed as Jongho led you to a vacant table and held out your chair for you. Shyly you thanked him and sat down on the plush seat. It was just as comfy as it looked.

"What would you like?"

"Oh, no, you don't have to get it - I can pay for mine." Before you could even get your purse out of your bag Jongho had reached out to stop you. His hand was warm on yours and - surprisingly to you - you didn't immediately pull away.

"Please, it's no problem. Let me get it." His tone was soft but you could see from the look in his eyes that he had no intention of letting you pay so you reluctanly gave in.

"Okay, if you must. A hot chocolate, please."

"Cream?"

"No, thanks."

Jongho went to place the order and you sighed, you didn't like other people paying for you, especially if you didn't know them well. You remembered all the times your ex would pay for things but then make you feel bad about it. Complaining that you didn't earn enough and that he had to help you out. You had never asked him to and he didn't need to. It was just another way for him to belittle you and make you feel worthless.

As you waited for Jongho you thought about your 'realtionship' with him. At the moment it was only at the gym that you interacted. At the boys' dorm the louder members usually dominated the conversation so, although you did sometimes speak with him, you hadn't had much of a real conversation together. You didn't think you could call him your friend yet but you wanted to be able to. Maybe if you were brave and made the effort you could make a good start today.

The clink of the mugs being placed on the table startled you out of your thoughts.

Jongho laughed a little, "Sorry, did I make you jump?"

"Yeah," A sheepish look crept onto your face, "I was lost in thought."

"Oh? About what?"

"Well...we only really talk at the gym. I was thinking it would be nice to get to know you better outside of exercising."

It wasn't easy for you to put yourself out there even this little bit. In addition to judgement you always expected rejection. Except for Hongjoong you'd never had any good friends. You'd had people who you hung around with but not that you'd call real friends. You'd never felt accepted by the other girls. Rejection was what you feared every time you tried to make friends now.

"I'd really like that." You looked away shyly and blew on your hot chocolate as Jongho smiled brightly at you. You didn't really know where to go from here because it was so unlike you to even start a conversation let alone try to make a friend.

"I'd also really like you to share this red velvet with me." He said, indicating to a ridiculously-sized piece of cake sitting between you on the table.

"Oh, no...I really shouldn't." The cake did look amazing but you'd been so good lately, for once managing to stick to a healthier diet that didn't include your usual excessive amounts of cake and ice cream. You hadn't cut them out completely, just reduced to a normal amount. In addition to exercise, Jongho had helped with dietary advice; telling you not to forbid yourself anything but to balance your intake better. In the past when you cut out treats completely, it had always gone badly. You'd stick to it for a few months then crack and go on a binge. Jongho advised to make sure you get the proper amount of carbs, protein and nutrients to keep a balanced diet and stay healthier.

"Don't make me eat this all on my own...pleeease?" The pout that accompanied his plea was possibly the cutest thing you'd ever seen and definitely not something you could win against.

"Oh, alright. I'll have a little bit." You sighed, giving in to him again. "But only because you looked so cute. Pouting like that is a really dirty tactic, you know."

"I know," Jongho smirked, "...but at least you think I'm cute."

He flashed his signature gummy grin at you and you blushed, looking away. You wondered where on earth that confidence to call him cute even came from but as you sat talking to your training partner you found it amazingly easy to talk to him - comfortable, even. You had thought him shy because he didn't say much around you when the other boys were there but he didn't seem that way now it was just the two of you. He talked about so many different things and carried a lot of the conversation so confidently. He made you feel perfectly at ease and despite your fear of eating in front of other people he even managed to make you forget that, too. He was making you laugh with his terrible 'dad' jokes so much that when he held his fork out for you to take a bite of the moist red velvet cake, you were just too distracted to feel self-conscious.

Even when Jongho guided you out the door with his hand on the small of your back you didn't flinch away, you felt so comfortable with him.

"Wow, I didn't realise we'd been in there so long." Looking around the darkness outside confused you. It hadn't seemed like you were in there for that long.

"It is pretty dark now. I can walk you home...I mean, if you want that, of course." Jongho really was being quite the gentleman today; you idly wondered if this was what he was normally like or if he was just offering out of politeness because of the dark.

"It's okay, I'll be fine. My place isn't too far from here." You didn't want to put him out any more. Your apartment was in the completely opposite direction to the boys'.

"Oh." You weren't sure but he looked almost disappointed. Most likely just worried about you walking alone in the dark. "Well, get some rest before our next session. Be careful walking back."

"I will. Thanks for the hot chocolate...and cake." You smiled and waved before turning and making your way home, feeling really happy for once.

In bed that evening you found yourself going over the days events in your mind again. Not worrying over any errors you made that might make you look stupid, like you normally would but being thinking about Jongho and hoping you could think of him as a proper friend now. He was so kind and patient with you when you were working out at the gym but you had to admit you had much more fun with him afterwards.

You found yourself replaying the meeting in your mind; the silly jokes he made, how he looked so cute when he was trying not to laugh at them himself as he delivered the punchline. His smile really was so pretty.

As usually happened, though, the self-deprecating thought crept back in as you pondered just how good-looking he was and wondered what people must have thought seeing someone like you with someone like him. You really weren't in the same league as him. You could see just how easy it would be to fall for him but that didn't make any difference; it's not like he'd ever like you back. Why would he when he had tons of perfect-looking girls around him to choose from. Backing dancers, other idols, you couldn't compete with a single one of them. Your ex loved to remind you that no one else would ever want you looking like you did but at least if you remembered that and didn't get your hopes up, you couldn't get hurt again when the inevitable rejection came.

[itsthe-neo-zone]

Wands and Potions: NCT dream & WayV 

Please read the Masterlist before continuing ahead with the chapter, thank you.  

Chapter 18:

[02:16PM]

[20th of October]

“Do you even know what he was using the tentacle juice for?” 

The huffs became frequent and the more Lyra questioned the more Selene became tired. Was this really necessary? And why was she being so unbelievably nosy?

“No, and frankly I don’t need to know.” the walking stopped halting the trail the two created in the thick fluffy snow that covered the earth. “because I don’t care.”

“You should, Liu could be plo-” a snicker stopped Lyra’s chapped lips from blurting her thoughts. “Plotting? Is that what you were going to say? He’s plotting against me. Or maybe its against you? Or even Jinsoul.” The words spat back at Lyra.

The brunette took her lips between her teeth, her fingers took the red and golden threads of the scarf wrapped across her chest, fiddling with the bare edges. Selene was already on edge and the change of demeanour pushed her off.

“Hey, I’m not going to feel sorry for you, so don’t give me that pathetic look.” Her fingers ran through her golden roots, her hair had turned a shade darker with the coming of winter making it lose the fiery glimmer in it.

“You all need to stop telling me how to act or feel.” She rolled her eyes leaving the brunette standing there stiff and alone, the only speck of colour on a blank sheet of white for miles.

 The creaking door slid open letting a gust of cold biting chill mix in with the heated warmth of the shop. The three broomsticks was a place where the youngsters could chill and relax. The ancient and rustic feel made it close to home for some.

It wasn’t the same for Selene.

“You need to start talking to her again, Scorpius you can’t just igno-” “Oh but he can,” she shuddered, the witch dropped the scarf and slid the robes off her shoulders setting them next to her. Sparing a glance at Albus, Selene sympathised with the blonde boy before her.

“And why is that?”

“She’s being awfully nosy, quite bitchy too.”

“Just because you aren’t on good terms it doesn’t mean he has to ignore his own sister.” Albus shuffles closer his tone drops to a minimal whisper. Selene rubbed her hands trying to heat up the ice cold blue tinted flesh.  

“Also, what happened to innocent sweet Selene?”

“Oh her?” her arm lifted to signal the server, “she’s usually what most see if they don’t know me too well. Ask Scorpius.”

The glance left Selene and moved towards the empty blonde boy next to him. No response came. His head lulled above his fist pushing the skin upwards, hair covering his glacier orbs.

“You ok?” the ginger placed her hand upon his, she felt his fingers twitch, there was no warmth in his touch. Inside her chest, the breathing became a little harder, an exasperated sigh left her.  

“It’s hard, I know. but you have to believe your father did this for a good reason. And now you can let her move in, you’ve always said you wanted a sister.”

“Move in? After my mother’s death?” his voice dripped with poison. It was a little loud gaining attention from the tables nearby. Jisung sent the most blood curdling nape shivering stare at Selene from across the bar.  His eyes were hard-rimmed and fixed, so much so that it was as if he was not able to move his eyeballs.

If looks could kill. The ginger would have disintegrated instantly.

So would Albus have with what Scorpius was sending him.

“Keep it down a little.”

“I am not going to replace my mother any time soon.” He spat back.

“You need her, Scorpius think about it, she will help you and your father get through this. Lyr-” the death glares the two sent made him rethink his choice of words. “Ehem… I- mean she is a girl after all.”

Selene sipped the jug of glowering orange liquid letting it sting the back of her throat slightly. She needed it. Secretly, it was the only thing she was feeling nowadays.

“Rose Weasley can take her in. After all, the two are half-sisters.” His voice was stiff and cut at the end, it was like his throat was clogged. Scorpius hated this topic. He didn’t want to talk about it.  

The others sensed that.

“And you, cut the long night walks with that German Durmstrang boy.”

“Whys that? Am I bothering you in any way?”

“No actually, its not me you’re bothering but-” A hand slapped the two lips that were moving of their own accord. Selene didn’t think nothing of it, but she missed the alarmed state that Albus was in.

“You shouldn’t be walking around he grounds late at night. Its dangerous.”

“Did little miss snitch tell you I was sneaking out late? I knew it!” she turned to the deflated boy. “This is why you shouldn’t talk to her just yet.” She finished her words with another gulp taking in the tingling sensation.

“Selene, I’m being serious, it shouldn’t matter who told me, this is for your own safety.”

“Why does everyone hate him so much?” the witch continued taking larger gulps the farther she got towards the bottom of the cup.

“Can you calm down; you must be really thirsty.”

Selene chuckled but before a word could be uttered, she lifted the closest free hand towards her head, she felt dizzy and her eyes were going blurry.

“Why’s everything spinning?” a murmur left her lips. It was mumbled aloud. A chair dragging across the wooden polished floor was heard in the distance and someone’s figure made their presence known next to her.

“Did she drink from this?” snatching the cup from the table Chenle grabbed it sniffing the few sips left in the cup.

“Yeah, why?”

Selene didn’t see the glare sent towards the table chenle was situated at before he came over, she also didn’t see the way he dropped the few paper bills on the table.

She did feel his strong hand grasp tightly onto her arm and shoulder helping her out of her chair. The daze she was in was getting stronger. Her knees felt week from the sudden force of standing but she pushed through on his command.

“Whats going on?” the question was left unanswered as she was dragged out tumbling next to him as they ventured into the freezing cold.

She had left her robe and scarf at the bar, shivering and dizzy Selene moved to lean onto his arm. Sliding the other across her waist he pulled her to a nearby stable.

“Why did you drink it knowing its full of poison?” he strained. She wasn’t on good terms with him. Actually, she despised the blonde mixed boy.

“Answer me!” his voice rose. Selene couldn’t really see that well her head was pounding, and it was starting to get even worse.

“I-I can’t see clearly. My eyes…” “What… whats going on?” she lifted her fingers to eyes level but all she saw was a messy blur of what used to be HD clear vision. Thin strips of cream-brown against white.

“You took a morbus potion. From your symptoms only a few drops, too much could have killed you.” A silent pause registered between the two, she was confused and the last few words he had said really hit clear. I could have died; I never finished the glass. I could have…

“I’ve taken no such thing.”

“It was in the drink,” his voice was hard, it was like he had a rock lodged in his mouth. “Someone must have slipped it in.”

“I feel like I-” holding her lips shut with her hands she felt something sinister crawl up her throat it blocked her breathing and restricted her normal body flow. Defying gravity and her disaccord of its appearance. Please no, not here…

“Get it out of your system.” His tone lightened slightly, or maybe it was her hearing things. Why would his tone change anyway Selene was over listening into things that didn’t matter right now.

“Take this.” He handed her a bottle it contained a liquid of some sort that didn’t look too familiar, she stared at it cautiously as if it would transfigure into a centipede.

“I don’t want to.”

She was able to push down the thick trickling of crimson blood

“It’s already gone this far, how do I know this isn’t going to kill me?” Selene didn’t move her head she just lifted her eyes staring him up, the trust was gone. It was hidden, locked away until he took the key out. But she didn’t expect the answer he gave her…

He sighed dropping his hand before looking away his eyes glanced anywhere but her face. The breath that left his dry, chapped lips evaporated into smoke coalescing itself into the air.

“Good point,” he pressed his lips into a thin line. “Why would I stop you from drinking the rest of the jug back then?”

Selene glanced down, his face had no show of remorse and it had a blank expression plastered onto it. She couldn’t maintain eye contact at all. It felt pointless.

His words made sense though…

“Drink it all.”

Listening to him, she took the first sip hesitantly, not minding the bitter taste. It felt heavy on her tongue but she too it in accepting it was good for her.

“You’ll be alright.” he muttered the words, in the wintery cold that surrounded them Selene felt her heart warm up slightly. She would never admit it now but it felt nice having someone look out. Even if it was with a frown and a dry response.

 [09:15PM]

Selene felt drained. Absolutely exhausted and while she did love nothing but a good rest she still had to do her night duties before she finally could rest this included the lengthy check and route of the whole 2nd floor and near the library.

It would have been 10 times easier- not to mention faster- if it wasn’t for the bratty 3rd year that refused to help her out. The job was specifically made for two yet she never showed up. But the ginger couldn’t bring it in her debilitated self to spend any longer than necessary looking for the young student.

“For fuck sake…” selenes face fell completely. She was aggravated to the max now, which can be added to the list of emotions she was feeling. The last thing she’d expect to see was the young student supposed to be helping her helping her own needs.

The sound of lips against lips filled the air and half of her internally cringed, the lewd sounds filling the air too fast to comprehend. God did she wish to wash out her ears with soap. But as she left a figment of her imagination removed the figure of the male student much older than the girl and placed a charming and devilish German student that had been taking up to much of her mind lately.

For a short second, it was barely comprehensible. his light caress and soft touch was all she yearned for. She shook her head continuing all the rounds she needed to finish. The guilt inside her built up daily but she pressed it down.

During the cold and wintery days. The gloom that was slowly being foreshadowed around the castle, Yangyang was the only source of happiness and joy she found. He filled her with something so intangible and sensual it was so difficult to describe.

And Selene felt herself change bit by bit, she tried to subconsciously hold back. Avoiding him on certain days and cancelling scheduled meet ups but it was inevitable, Yangyang was slowly yet voraciously devouring every inch of her being. She could feel it in the way she looked at him. The way her thoughts where changing. Her desires were developing.

Something once so innocent – a touch from him – a simple sensory fondle. Turned into a carnal and instinctual hunger that he had awoken in her. What was I turning into?…

[Selene Pov]

I felt that relief I craved for when I entered the dorms. Red or green it never mattered when I was weak in the knees. I looked at my bed like a man who was stranded in the dessert looked at fresh water.

“Look who’s here...”

“Please don’t start.” I knew this was going to be rough getting past the two crow-like girls at their beds but I didn’t expect their beady eyes glaring in the pitch dark the cool toned shadow casting harsh shapes across their faces.

“What?”

“We know what you borrowed.” A sigh left her lips as Jinny finished speaking, but the sly raven next to her muttered “She really stole it…” “Ravelle!”

“I didn’t do anything.” A frustrated exhale left my own lips. They wouldn’t know a thing because I never let them know about anything. It wasn’t their business.

“Does this ring a bell to you?” Ravelle stood up waving a slither of tentacula its sticky residue dripping from its end.

“Yeah.” I simply muttered, shrugging and to Ravelle’s shock. She probably thought I was going to deny everything.  

“It’s what you mix every morning to slap” I lightly tapped my fingers onto her cheeks “onto your face, what was it for again- oh right. Your beautiful visuals… right?” I rolled my eyes after feigning thought.

The sniggers didn’t go unnoticed from Jinny who had rolled back onto her bed fully. The glimmer in her beading eyes was picked up by the light rays of moonlight sheathed inside.

“Don’t you dare make fun of my natural face masks and answer me truthfully.” Her voice picked up in volume.

“You’re pathetic.” Ravelle spat back after no response from me.

“You’d really love to know what was in that wrap I held before, don’t you?” I edged coyly. I loved having her on edge like this. But it wouldn’t last too long…

“Sit down.”

I motioned to sit down pointing for her to do as I say.

“There’s no point in getting mad now since it’s already over. There is nothing you could do about it.” I couldn’t help but stop myself from giggling slightly. It was too good.

“I gave the wrap of tentacula away. It wasn’t for me anyways.” I smiled

Ravelle started feeling uncomfortable, she shifted from her position awkwardly. Blinking multiple times.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean Gryffindor or any house for a matter of fact is going nowhere. This year belongs to Durmstrang and I just made sure they got a head start.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Ravelle’s eyes went as wide as saucers, “What have you done? Selene!” Jinny’s voice piped up for the first time, the shriek in her voice prominent.

“You’ll find out soon.” I sniggered, a smirk coming up to form at my lips.

 “Shit shi- Guys! You won’t believe this!” the doors to the main dormitories slam open and in came a breathless and beyond petrified Irene, the young girl held her posture against her shaking knees.

The worry evident in her chewed dry lips and pale yellow face. A few more moments and it looked like she was about to throw up.

“They, the- oh god.” It’s like realisation flushed her face, Irene was gobsmacked she frowned glancing at the two girls that were accusing me. Jinny flipped over to see the ghastly expression Irene adorned.

“What is it, spit it out already!”

“James. And uh- Well James potter and his friends they got severely injured.”

“WHAT?” the screech was pitched so high I was surprised it didn’t shatter the clouded glass of the window. All three of us flinched.

“Calm down Ravelle,” Jinny pushed past, fixing her hair. She smiled gently towards the terrified girl. “How did they get injured, tell me what happened clearly” after a few seconds of sharp breaths, Irene spoke shuddering the words I had wanted to hear since I gave the plant to him.

“Well, they got injured last night in the pre battle for the lead in the tournament. Someone had put a certain strange plant in their soup.”

“It was- uh… it’s almost fatal for some.” The last few words were muttered but I heard everything as clearly as I could.

At some point I doubted myself, my ears had to be making up sounds for me to hear and feel accomplished. It couldn’t have worked that well.

“It wasn’t just them. The other houses reported similar symptoms to them earlier.” Another young Gryffindor peeped through the wooden door squeaking quietly.

“Get lost pipsqueak!” Ravelle threw the remains of tentacula at the doorway, “I’ll deal with you later. You’ve done something!”

Her eyes screamed anger she was Enraged, Ravelle hit boiling point. Her body buzzing with a fury that could only be calmed with the sight of her secret lover safe.  

“Yeah yeah,” I waved my hand swatting her as she stormed off. She couldn't do a thing.

 This was only the beginning of things…

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[cartoonfangirl1218]

Give them what they want ch. 2

Jordan leaned against the gym lockers as she admired the swim team leaving the pool from their meet especially a cute boy that she suspected to be the son of Merida considering his wild curly red hair.

”Hey" Dina poked her side, "What are you looking at?" "Him" Jordan pointed at the red head and Dina mock-gasped "Are you trying to make your girlfriend jealous?"

"Girlfriend?" Jordan stuttered uncertainly. Ever since her break up with Pierce she had been determined to move on. Aziz kept telling her it was a bad idea to repress the event like it never happened.

But Jordan knew she was right. She had to deal that those kind of things would always happen to her so she might as well continue on with her life. After all her parents were able to do that just fine after centuries of abusive masters.

So she just tried to keep her mind occupied enough as not to let unsavory thoughts remind her. And that included dating. Few dates here and there, one night stands at the most. Then she met Dina.

Dina was bubbly and fun, a nymph and follower of Dionysus whose partying had disturbing similarities to her parents. (Not that she wanted to explore any more of that. She would leave those complexes to Oedipus.)

Her go with the flow attitude was so refreshing compared to the other classmates who were so concerned with their reputation. Royal or popularity-wise. So far, Dina had been casual during their dates so for her to mention that she was her girlfriend all of a sudden was surprising.

"Did I stutter?" Dina laughed, "I want you all to myself, babe."

"O-okay" Jordan pressed a kiss to her cheek. "So do you wanna go out tonight? I was thinking going to this new club run by Calix. You know, Circe's son. He said he would get us into the VIP room."

"Sure" Dina twirled a strand of her purple hair, "You know that dress you gave me yesterday would look so good on the dance floor."

Jordan bit her lip to keep from grimacing. As sweet as Dina was, she was about as subtle as a brick to the head in what she wanted. When Jordan had asked her out she saw Dina's eyes light up with the all so familiar gleam of a person that won the lottery and was thinking of all the things she could buy.

All through their date Dina kept mentioning how "cool" it would be to have her genie powers. Hinting at things she would like but didn't have money to buy. How nice Jordan was, that she was probably so generous.

Usually Jordan would have shut those hints down right away and ditch her date but that day she was tired of it. She was tired of fighting with people about getting wishes. Making a scene as she explained why she hated being objectified and how used she felt while the other person just yelled at how selfish she was. She was tired of people's nice acts stopping in a second flat when she refused. So she granted her wish. And the wish after that.

And the wish after that.

Okay, Dina may not be dating her because she had actual feelings or any interest of starting a romantic attraction. She wanted wishes like everybody else. But Jordan reasoned to herself it was better this way. She didn't have to have any high expectations or heartbreak that Dina only was sticking around for more wishes.

She knew what Dina really wanted and she was fine with it. In return she got some semblance of romance as Dina pretended she was dating her for any reason but wishes. She just gave the wish quickly and moved on.

"But.." Dina started "I was thinking I would look really cute in that kind of dress only in teal and possibly while in a limo. I mean I just got my license and I would really love to drive a limo first."

"Done" Jordan said quickly trying to make the whole talk of the wish of the day go as fast as possible. "I'll see you at your dorm later."

"You are the best girlfriend ever!" Dina squealed, kissing her passionately on the lips. Jordan gave a thin smile in return. Dina, she tried. She tried to play off hee wishes as nothing and then would start piling on the compliments and affection the rest of the day. Jordan secretly hated it. It was so fake. It made her feel cheap and undeserving.

"Jordan don't overthink it. Just let her do it." She told herself as Dina strutted away.

Sometimes it was okay when Dina did that even though she tried waaay too hard. The focus was always on how generous she was with her wishes, that she "spoiled" her, she was too good. If Jordan had a wish, she would wish that Dina's compliments would be based on something like her personality, maybe how hot she was. Yeah, how attractive she was, that would be nice.

"Jordan?" She heard the familiar huse, slightly nervous tone of Jane.

"Yeah" Jordan snapped out of her mental reverie.

"I saw what you did for Dina. Why?" Jane sidled closer to her so the few left in the deserted gym hallway would hear. Not that they would bother. If wishes and magic weren't being offered, students generally tend to ignore them.

Jordan decided to go for the usual direct approched. She didn't usually sugar-coat things but with Jae she was more honest than usual. At least she didn't have to lie through her teeth about how totally fine she was with the magic ban. Besides Jane had a way that seemed to see through your soul or at least pester you until she heard the truth. "She's dating me for wishes. I give them to her. Then she tells me how amazing and great I am."

Jane looked absolutely befuddled at her blunt answer. "But but you always said you hated that. People dating you for wishes I mean."

"Yeah, I still do." Jordan said simply, "But I can't stop that. So I decided to go with it. I mean at least I have the choice of who I give wishes too."

"But..but that's so unfulfilling." Jane murmered

Jordan was surprised that Jane hit what she had been feeling on the spot. She had been feeling unfulfilled. All the bitterness and hatred she felt with her failed relationships had transferred to this relationship. Instead of hating herself for being stupid enough to believe someone would date her for her. She hated herself for giving in juse so she could be "loved."

"Sometimes but you know, we do have some nice moments." Which was true. In between the complimenting for wishes, and giving wishes they did have fun together. They did danced and partied and acted like a couple before the moment was ruined by Dina's sudden need for a wish.

"You don't need a relationship to be happy. Especially since you don't even have feelings for each other." Jane said

"I know that. I know that I should live myself and be happy. But you of all people should know how hard it is to take your mom's advice to heart." Jane shrank a little and blushed in remembrance of her actions during Coronation.

Jordan crossed her arms, thinking to herself. It was hard to be happy with her when she sometimes wondered if the fact no one seemed to see past her powers was that there was nothing there. She was nothing special or pretty or interesting. Maybe even a horrible person. A horrible, slefish, bitchy person no would hang out with. That her powers were the only thing at all redeeming of her. That kept people from shunning her or from snubbing her. That maybe..she dared to think that even her own adopted family kept her around as an friend for just that reason.

"And I don't need a friendship to be happy either. It should all be myself. But know what? I want someone else. I actually want to have that fairy tale romance that this whole place I built on with dreams and rainbows but I know I will never have it. So Dina and I may not love each other. She may be totally usng me but at least in the way she is using me I can pretend she likes me."

"But" Jane stammered

"Yes pretend. In reality I will never get it but at least if I let my mind drift I can pretend that she actually means what she is saying. Pretend she loves me. It's just so simple. It is so small. Everyone seems to have it but me."

"You can't substitute reality." Jane protested, eve the voice of reason.

"Jane, why are you being so unreasonable about this? Let me be! Let me be in my lying illusional bubble of happiness and pretend." Jordan hissed "Let me be happy for once."

"Jordan I don't think this will help at all in the long run. You'll just be unhappy and bitter."

"I'm already unhappy and bitter!" She snapped "I've stopped being truely content a long time ago. It's all lies but trust me, it is better."

"Nothing could be better than this. I understand what it's like that no one seems to see you beyond.." Jane began but Jordan put a hand up to interrupt her.

"You. Don't. Understand." Jordan annunciated, a habit when seething. "You barely knew or used you your powers since the VKs came. I've been dealing with this my whole life. And I am going to deal with it for the rest of eternity. We are not at all on the same level. You never will understand what it feels like when everyone asks for a wish before asking my name. You will never understand the pain of people insulting and rejecting and abandoning you at every turn that I don't give them what they want.“

“You don't understand how much I hate myself for giving in. How much I hate being needy enough to want to be complimented and kissed. You don't understand the exhaustion that no matter what other accomplishments I do no will see past my powers. And you especially don't understand the nightmares and the pain of someone using your own powers against you. And you should pray that you never will because I will tell you. It feels like they are trying to rip out your powers and mesh them for their own use. You will never feel that utter despair and brokenness and know that it will not be the only or the last time you'll feel it. Nor the haunting thoughts of when and who might do it next.”

So my reality is bitter. My reality is unhappy. I know my relationship is a utter lie. That it will be short and end with another one testifying my selfishness and how unreasonable I am about one simple wish. Those "teensy weensy" wishes that just only further prove that I am nothing. I'm just an wishing credit card to be desired and objectified. I'm not human. I don't have feelings."

"Jordan.. I.. maybe you should talk to.." Jane attempted to say something else. Perhaps take her to the guidance counselor or her mom.

"Spare me. I'm fully aware of what's happening and the state of our relationship and my own desperation. Don't pity me. And don't bother trying to fix it. There is no use. Accept it. I have."

All there was left to do was listen to Dina's sweet nothings and pretend that there was a possibility for her to live happily ever after.

[last-of-the-jaded]

After having willingly given the last month of my life over to MDZS and it’s Live Action counterpart I wanted to compile a list of my favorite aspects of both (including spoilers). Both the original Chinese Novel and it’s stunning 2019 Summer Release counterpart are breathtaking in different manners, but if you are looking for a quick recommendation, I do recommend going for the drama first as it will simplify the further consumption of content if you decide you want to partake in more.

What I love about THE UNTAMED:

The symbolism of the cliff at Nightless City, and how that entire scene marks a clear shift in Wuxian’s mental state as well as the overarching story. Similarly, how in the end it is Wuxian who throws himself off that precipice to sure death. This detail provides a direct comparison between his mental state at this moments and Cheng’s after his core was squashed, while also touching on an unique level of disparity and regret that is unrealized in the novel at this point (considering how this isn’t how Wuxian dies in the written version)

Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo. I’ve made posts about this already so I’ll spare you another essay (Here and Here)

Jiang Cheng’s entire character arc. Seeing him fully fleshed out, utilized, and properly human within the drama made it hard for me to swallow how shallow he often felt on paper, especially in the early chapters. I get that this is partially due to the youth sequences in the book being written completely from Wuxian’s POV, but for me there is something incredibly human and genuine just lacking from the version of Cheng on paper that stood out so gorgeously for me in terms of his drama counterpart. Wang Zhou Cheng did an amazing job bringing out his raw emotion and anger on screen, lines were delivered in a manner that truly solidified this characters growth and vulnerability to me. For such a new actor within his field he did a brilliant job, and is the reason I have so many damn emotions concerning Jiang Cheng’s character arc. (I have a million analysis pieces typed up on my blog if that interests you)

The sequential order for the flashbacks was incredibly easy to consume. It helped to keep events and motivations clear. I understand why the book was able to skip around in a more winding mysterious manner, but from a drama standpoint I massively appreciated being able to consume the events leading up to Wuxian’s demise in consecutive order. The first few episodes were initially extremely confusing to me as a new watcher, and it’s only when the flashbacks hit that the plot-line solidified as well.

The female leads! Yanli, Qing, and Mianmian having larger roles and development was absolutely a plus. Everyone had the same intentions and feel as they did in the original, just more fully fleshed out since they were given time to interact within the world. As a bonus note seeing Madam Yu and hearing her bullshit on screen, said out-loud in the bitchy tone her actress gave her, made her 10X worse and from an antagonist perspective I massively appreciate that they were able to make me despise her so damn much.

Everyone important to the past storyline being involved in the Gusulan Study Sessions under Lan Qiren. This was a simple and effective manner of introducing everyone and having characters feel involved and interactive from the get-go. I was honestly a little disappointed that not everyone was included when I went on to read the novel.

Ning and Wuxian’s interactions early on. Their dynamic in the show was given life, and felt genuine in how it shifted over the course of Wuxian’s trails and misfortune. I love how they included Ning in the early on portions of the series, especially the Caiyi Town waterborn abyss debacle where Wuxian saved his life. It just added more layers to an already intriguing dynamic that plays a massive role overall.

The wolf torture scene. This added a whole new layer to Wuxian’s fear of dogs, while still completing its job of giving Ning and Wuxian a reason to interact and grow. Not to mention the example of Wen Sect Torture Tactics really added to the inhumanity of the sect while sparking our main character’s growth and self-sacrificing nature.

The symbolism behind Yanli’s and Cheng’s dreams. These dream sequences give a glimpse into the heads of two complex character’s and honestly added so much background motivation to their storylines. I loved these details and how much analysis us all as viewers can put into them.

The rain scene. Wuxian telling Wangji he would prefer to die by his hands. The first tears watchers see from an incredibly strong and willful young man who has always appeared stoic. (I cannot express to you enough how sad I was that this scene didn’t take place in the novel)

Wuxian’s mask. I understand logistically why they had to do this from a filming perspective (I mean if you have someone as good looking and Xiao Zhan, damnit you are going to let him look like him as much as you can) but I honestly really enjoyed the smaller details they included to make it work plot-wise. I also appreciate how it was designed as a prop considering it actually altered Wuxian’s features in a manner that made him harder to recognize due to its bulky and carved nature.

The secret underground cave in Cloud Recess under the bathing pool. The whole meeting between Wangxian and the female sect leader. I enjoyed this detail and how they expanded upon it when it came to the burning of their sect home and the survival of their people.

Wangxian’s relationship. Their subtle, trusting, gentle way of showing love. On an additional note I appreciate how it never once felt like I needed to discuss consent with the characters (coughNOVELcough) because everything between them was healthy and playful.

The soundtrack, costuming, and bts. I understand that this was a low budget production (compared to the majority of traditional dramas) and honestly I appreciate what we were given taking that into account. They stayed true to the essence and message of the story. I love the manner in which the costumes became a part of the characters and everyone had a clear style. The soundtrack flowed amazingly well with the scene and tone shifts (this is disregarding how fake their instrument playing looked because I’m still not over how off the finger movements appeared at points). The behind the scenes content on its own could win an award - it made completing the show a million times more satisfying because I do believe that the people working on set had fun (somehow even while filming during the hottest time of the year)

The name of the drama. When you reach that moment when you understand why it is called such - it’s a tale of the rise and fall of Wuxian.

The ending scene. I know it’s not the ‘stereotypical happy ending’ fans wanted, but it perfectly fit the tone and message of the piece as a whole. I love the ending. It felt right.

What I love about MDZS (NOVEL):

The Yi City Arc. It’s worth reading for this part alone. Motivations, logic, and everything just hit so much harder. I do appreciate what the drama gave us, but like, once you’ve tasted this version it’s really hard to go back.

Empathy. In general seeing Wuxian use empathy within the novel just works so much smoother. His little anecdotes and analysis while in stasis reliving ghost’s lives gives it a realism that it’s lacking on camera.

Second Siege of the Burial Mounds. The way the novel sets up this part and actually makes it feel scary with hoard mentality makes it work so much better. It feels like there is a weight to this moment. The waves of corpses are terrifying, and the exhaustion of fighting for hours gives it a level of humanity that makes what Wuxian and Wangji selflessly do stand out even more. Not to mention, the leftovers of the Wen Sect fucked me up. I bawled. This is another detail that I would legitimately read the entire novel over for just to experience.

Wuxian being fucking terrifying at points. Playing with demonic energy and losing control is supposed to be scary. In the novel it honestly felt that way. Seeing him slowly get worse was heartbreaking. Watching how people’s opinions on him skewed, and how he dealt with looks, pressure, and weight on his shoulders, took this arc to a whole new level. The way demons and ghosts flocked to and around him in public added a level of horror that was unsettling and necessary.

Wuxian actually losing control. In the drama they added another flute player to sort of work around Wuxian having to accept the result of his failure. In the novel, there is no such thing -  and I love it. It’s another dowsing to the pain and suffering Wuxian has to accept and learn to overcome.  It makes him coming back a decade later - to live and achieve and get revenge - feel different.

Action scenes and gore. If something is called “The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation” you expect some blood, and damn do I appreciate that the author made stuff have impact. I wish the drama had a bigger budget so they could have done the wounds and cgi more justice.

Wangji rescuing Wuxian after the first raid on yiling, and choosing to suffer together, hated by the world, rather than lose the love of his life. I love the use of the cliff in the drama, especially the imagery of Wangji trying to hold Wei Ying up before ultimately falling, but the route the author took in the novel is so much fucking worse. Like I cannot even imagine the pain Wangji went through.

Lan Xichen opening Wuxian’s oblivious eyes. Best brother ever. This entire scene, leading up to the final battle, is like downing a shot and waiting for it to hit. It deserves a standing ovation.

The details in the Xuanyu of Slaughter cave sequence. Every little tell that Wangji gave - he really did fall in love young.

Mingjue’s corpse. The separated limbs, angry spirit, holding bags, and everything made sense because of description.

Wangji explaining how he got the brand mark over his heart. All of his scars. Fuck. There’s inferring, and then there is having it described to you from the person directly and feeling as your own heart dies.

Lan Zhan’s insane arm strength. This is a detail that deserves recognition.

Wuxian’s inner analysis of Nei Huaisang at the end. This was fully formed and actually had some payoff.

The clear comparisons between Mengyao’s fate and what happened to Wuxian himself. Once again you can infer in the drama, but having it clearly implied in the book hits different because when someone becomes a public pariah it’s easier to go with the public outcry than try and defend them. “Nobody knew with more clarity than Wei WuXian that nobody would care and nobody would believe”

Ning protecting Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng in a manner directly parallel to how he killed the people they cared for.

Jin Ling’s realization about being unable to hate anyone in the end. You feel for this kid. You want to see him grow up well.

The beginning set up chapter. Hearing what happened in the past vaguely through spreading rumors and small talk without seeing it for yourself adds a level of intrigue. It has greater mystery than just seeing the scene play-out and cutting away.

Everything making sense in general with no plot holes. It’s one of those things where in television no matter how well you do, you can’t possibly include all the needed details. With the drama you have to infer a lot, and sometimes you will get it wrong. In the novel it really is just much easier to make sense of. This also included the pacing as well. Timeskips make sense.

Kissing. Smut. Damn, it’s so nice to have actual payoff for the slow burn.

[demoncryptspanties]

Time After Time

Part 7 - Finale

Masterlist, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 

A/N Thank you so much for sticking with me the whole way through. I’m not sure what I’m going to do after this but if you have any ideas please share. Thank you for the comments and likes I really appreciate it, so yeah basically thank you, and enjoy. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>

You threw on a kimono robe on from the back of the closet. As a force of habit, you didn’t throw on any clothes above underwear underneath your robe and walked downstairs. Selene wrapped herself around your wrist, just slightly obscured by the sleeve of your robe. The table in the kitchen was already filled with the other people in the house including Luke. For some reason a feeling of light-headedness overtook you making you stop and hold onto the nearest surface. It felt like you had gotten up way too quickly. The black in your vision disappearing as quickly as it came.

You missed the look of concern on Sabrina’s face when you straightened up and refused to look at Ambrose taking the empty spot in between Sabrina and Zelda instead.

“Morning Aunties, Sabrina, Ambrose and of course Luke,” You gave Luke a tight smile and reached for the cup of tea and an apple.

“Are you alright Y/N,” Hilda asked a look of concern gracing her face. You were craving one of her cinnamon brews.

“Yes of course, but I wanted to ask you. What is the best way to get rid of a hex?” You asked loudly in order to gain the attention of the whole table. Your tone gave way to clear annoyance bordering anger, you had to fight the urge to give Luke a pointed look.

“You got hexed?” Ambrose joined Hilda with his look of concern, while Luke had a small smirk which he quickly covered when you looked at him.

“Yes.” You turned back to your tea sipping it gently.

“Well it depends on the hex, what has it affected.” Hilda sat down in front of you, halting her movements at the stove.

“My sleep. I’ve been hit with waves of fatigue for 2 days now. I guess that what was also making me lightheaded.” You smiled sweetly.

“Well a bath of milk and a chant should do it, but we don’t have enough milk,” she seemed to already be planning something sharing a look with Zelda and then moving back to the stove.

“I can go to the store on my way back home and get some.” Sabrina offered from her spot next to you. Her tone was slight, she was confused, she hadn’t figured it out yet. Were you the only one who saw it?

“Yes, that would be fantastic Sabrina. Do you know who hexed you Y/N” Zelda said. She had finished her tea and was quietly observing the conversation. It was characteristic for her; you could tell she was already plotting.

“Yes, I do.” You had a twinkle in your eye knowing exactly where this was going.

“Perhaps I could help you with a little revenge,” She shared your twinkle and you nodded lightly. Zelda seemed to already have an abundance of plans to torment whoever hexed you. Her and Lilac would make a completely unstoppable team, chaotic but calculated if one could be.

“Well I am going to bed; someone wake me when Sabrina has the milk.” You moved to leave, downing your tea and giving a small wave.

“You literally just woke up,” Luke muttered just loud enough that you caught it. He was annoyed, he wanted more from you.

“Did I fucking stutter,” You didn’t turn around to look at him. Perhaps you shouldn’t have been so harsh but now that he actually did something it felt justified.

A small hiss filled the kitchen. No-one could place the sound until Selene ghosted over the table stopping right in front of Luke baring her fangs and preparing to pounce. Ambrose scooped her up lightly and called after you.

“Selene really doesn’t like Luke does she” He cooed lightly at her. You walked back to collect her, offering your hand to the snake. Selene coiled around to her previous spot and hissed at both the boys, snapping at Ambrose’s fingers. Ambrose seemed hurt by the action and cocked his head at you.

“Are you angry at me?” He asked earnestly. His voice was soft, now that was sincerity.

You gave him a genuine smile and sighed lightly, “No I’m just tired.” You began to walk away again until his voice stopped you.

“Is that my robe,” his tone was teasing but Luke’s face seemed to illicit a feeling from you that you didn’t recognise.

“Oh, I suppose it is,” you cocked your head to the side and pulled it off yourself handing it to him. The sharp intake of breath from Ambrose and Luke’s flustered cough were worth the disapproving look from Zelda. You shrugged and finally went back to your room the peach coloured walls offering a little comfort.

You knew what jealousy felt like and it sure wasn’t that, sort of. Maybe it was but it wasn’t just that. Whatever you were feeling had you frustrated making you groan slightly, even more, frustrated when tears started welling in your eyes. You weren’t upset. He was happy, he wanted this, and you wanted him to be happy. It was fine.

It was the evening when Sabrina came back with the milk, it was almost instantly that you felt better. You had more energy than you had in months, the amount of sleeping you did finally catching up with you. Zelda had offered an array of ideas for you to pick from, but you eventually and reluctantly declined. It wasn’t needed, you wouldn’t stoop to that level over something stupid.

For a while after, you made a conscious effort to avoid whatever males were in the house. It seemed to be a running thing. First Ambrose’s uncle Edward and then eventually both him and Luke. You didn’t want to, but you felt the distance would be good for you. Although he did seem a little sad when you would leave a room that he was in. You probably couldn’t keep this up for much longer.

You not being involved in everything worked fine, you seemed to conveniently be visiting your sister when large events happened such as Tommy’s death and the ritual. It was like you were less involved with everything, more didn’t like you were looking in on a story. You didn’t feel like family anymore and it was weird, and you didn’t know why. Sabrina made the effort to fill you in on everything but it wasn’t enough, you were so separate with nothing to do and no real purpose.

One thing you didn’t miss was Ambrose being pardoned though. You should have been happier than you were. You just wished it happened earlier. When you were a bigger part of his life. You were jealous, now this was jealousy. Luke got this part of him and you didn’t and to be honest it was your fault, if that day you had just pushed him to say something, you knew he would have. If you pushed harder but then again, as you said, you wanted him to be sure and he wasn’t. You celebrated with everyone and then Luke had to leave and so you dragged a drunk him to bed. This was the perfect opportunity to ask him something, anything, anything you wanted the answer to. But would you take advantage of the situation like that and how bad of a person did that make you if you did.

You stopped thinking which was probably the worst idea and just asked him. “Ambrose, what happened with Batibat.” You felt guilty instantly, but it was too late now.

He stilled but his expression didn’t really change, it was like he was somewhere else, but he did answer you. “I got pardoned, but it was too late, and she was dead. I couldn’t go anywhere with her. It all happened on the same day. She was at the door burning.” It was pretty obvious that he was talking about you, you decided not too to push.

He was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. You decided to ask another question. “Do you love him. Luke?” You hated your own nerve, and, in all honesty, you didn’t want to know the answer.

“Yeah I do. In a way. Not like I love her, but I still love him.” He giggled lightly at his own words and again during the silence. You heard soft snoring from him after and chose to take your leave.

You shouldn’t feel sad, you do know that. He was happy and you were jealous. You had finally admitted it to yourself, but you wouldn’t ruin this for him. It wasn’t fair. You left town to stay with your sister which is why you missed the 13, you did come back just in time for Lupercalia though, which was purely by accident. Something had changed with Ambrose but again you didn’t know what it was, you didn’t know him anymore. Although you held onto the belief that you did, you knew in your heart he was a different person.

It was clear in weird ways. You weren’t sure how it happened, who was changing him but slowly his attitude changed. It was first obvious when Sabrina said she wanted to be top boy. Normally you would have thought he would be supportive, but he wasn’t. When he mentioned that it was called top boy for a reason you frowned and shook your head at him, your opinion didn’t seem to matter anymore. He looked away from you.

The next time it became glaringly obvious was during Lupercalia. The mostly monogamous Ambrose had instead technically decided to cheat on Luke with the extremely beautiful Prudence. You got the appeal, you really did. If she wasn’t so bitchy to put it lightly you would probably be all over her. At least that’s what you told yourself. You told yourself a lot of things, you explained a lot of things away. How separate you are from everyone, how you were losing your place here. You weren’t sure if that was just you or if you really were, but Sabrina stopped asking you for advice a while back. The aunties had their own things to deal with, Hilda being her new relationship and Zelda being her growing relationship with father blackwood.

You of course decided not to participate, you weren’t sure what Hilda was doing but the other three in the household were participating. The house felt sickly, you just smelt wine and lust and the overwhelming feeling of being lonely. You avoided everyone for a while and only came out when needed or asked for. That wasn’t often. You made plans to go back to Central America, but something halted them. Luke had died according to father blackwood. Ambrose had put up a front, but he came in the middle of the night to your room. You weren’t asleep, you weren’t really sure why and he cried.

He cried softly at first and then it became more desperate and you could almost feel how hard it was for him to breathe. It took a moment, the surprise of him standing in your room and the sobs that were coming out of him but once you registered what was happening you leapt up and pulled him towards you. He wasn’t expecting you to pull him so harshly and fell into your arms and therefore you onto the bed. You both stayed like that for a moment, then shifted that he was lying facing you. You had a leg over his and you both cling to each other like it was saving a life. You didn’t talk about it the day after, when you woke up in a similar position or even after that. You decided to avoid each other for a while, but you didn’t leave. Whether that was a good decision would reveal itself later but now there was something unspoken between the two of you. An understanding.

You were glad that you stayed since Ambrose seemed to make a habit of getting himself into trouble. Father Blackwood had allowed him to work at the school, once you found this out things started to take a lot more sense. Every father figure Ambrose seemed to have is always a bad influence. So, it came to no surprise that he was accused of murder. You hadn’t seen him or run into him the entire time it was all happening. Everything reminded you of before, when you were helpless, when you couldn’t do anything. It made you break down a lot. You didn’t even try to see him once he was imprisoned and then Sabrina happened.

You tied to help when you could, but it was mostly patching people up, providing relief of sorts. Not many people there even knew who you were. Angels and witch-hunters were people you were familiar with all in bad ways. You wouldn’t be useful on the front line in that sense. Not with what happened to your brother and your aunt, uncle and cousins. It was too much.

It all went downhill from there, it always went downhill. Everyone was so focussed in their own business, rightfully so, that they didn’t realise how badly you were actually doing. You needed him, you needed something, which you weren’t getting but you were too afraid to ask. You hadn’t left your room in days and as Selene got sicker you did as well. You felt like before, when you thought he was going to die, when things were a mess. When nothing worked and it wasn’t getting better. Nobody noticed, nobody cared.

The best thing you could have done was move on, go home back to central America. Leave go somewhere but you were in no shape to leave the house until you were. It was the aftermath of the Satan situation and you made your way to the school You saw him with Prudence. You listened to him saying that he was leaving, you were breaking, and you weren’t entirely sure why.

“You’re going?” You said softly. His eyes were wide like a deer caught in headlights.

Prudence took this as her cue to leave, giving Ambrose a soft smile and you a light touch on the shoulder.

“Yes, you see. The twins are in danger and I don’t want.” The look on your face shut him down, his words dying in his mouth.

“I know I’m not angry about that by all means go but Ambrose without any warnings.” You stepped close to him, eyes both sad and confused.

“I know that it seems, and with Prudence, I know.” He made a move to touch you, but you stepped back to your original place.

“I really don’t care about that Ambrose. It’s just. Years ago, when you were sleepy and maybe a little drunk, I made a promise. That I would come back to you time after time. And I did,” you were rambling by this point, the suddenness of it making you look away from him as if talking to yourself.

“I don’t see where this is going. You don’t think I’m coming back.” He eyebrows were set in a confused stare again. A nervous sigh escaping his throat.

“No will you let me finish for once in your life. I came back because I loved you. And even though the love we shared has obviously dissipated. You made a promise to me. The same night you proposed, sort of, that you would never leave me, and you are. Without even thinking about me. I don’t know what to do Ambrose. I don’t know where to go, where I belong anymore” Your eyes were watery by this pointing turning to hold his stare.

He took a deep sigh before saying, “Look I’m not leaving for good I will come back.” He didn’t know what to say, what he was supposed to say.

“I know that, that’s not what is hurting me. It’s the fact that the love we shared and the promises we kept was not enough, that I was not enough for you to do something simple as call and tell me you’re going. What about your aunties and Sabrina were you just gonna call when you were halfway across the world?” Tears were free-falling by now.

“It’s not about that is it.” His voice softened along with his face to almost a whisper, again reaching out to touch you but you shrugged him off.

“Of course, it’s not about that. I mean it is, but it isn’t.” You started to fidget on the spot, unable to look him in the eye. “When you broke up with me, I never spoke about anyone I had met romantically or slept with. Because I wasn’t with anyone, ever. I didn’t want to be, but then I find you having an orgy.” You were just saying anything that came to mind now. You didn’t want to admit everything, admit that you need him. Your sister had her girlfriend, Lilac her coven, Jude his own coven. You just wanted someone to want you, to need you around. You wanted to feel like you were worth something, it was selfish and wrong but your relationship with everyone had changed and you were being left behind. Everyone had grown, done things and moved on without you.

He started to interrupt you, but you cut him off “I found out through Sabrina that you were in a relationship, that you had a boyfriend who you were very much cheating on with Prudence. Dick moves by the way. You didn’t have the heart to tell me that.”

Your eyes finally met his with you both unable to look at anything else. “I am in love with you, I always have been. I probably always will be. With Lilith as my witness I wish I could stop. I want to hard to stop, to let you go but I can’t. I want you in any way I can. I let you break up with me because I thought it would make you happy, that you were just going through something that we could work out. You thought you were setting me free, but you just hurt me instead.”

You took a moment to compose yourself, too deep into crying to carry on. Once you calmed down you continued, “It was me, who comforted you when Luke died, it was me who was completely distraught after you were arrested, not Prudence. I may not have seen you but that is literally because I couldn’t, I couldn’t bring myself to. It was me making teas after your fun nights and talking through the shit decisions you were about to make.  It was me who tried to protect you no matter the cost. I was the one who was there, who showed you love, beyond everything but I wasn’t enough. I never am.”

“I don’t know what to say.” He seemed stunned and guilty in a sense.

Something seemed to change in you after he spoke, it was like any trace of emotion had left and your face went blank. You sniffled lightly before replying “It doesn’t matter. It was unfair of me to spring that upon you. You cannot help your feelings. Just go you have twins to find.” You gave up.

“Y/N. I’m sorry. I love you.” He tried to offer but again you shut him down.

“No, you don’t Ambrose. You’re just saying that because I burst in front of you. That was unfair of me. Please by all means go. Be happy and find those twins.” Sighed deeply and turned away from him, walking towards the exit.

“Y/N please.” He asked weakly. He was still shocked and a little confused not having time to process your feelings before you shut down on him.

“Please go Ambrose. Prudence is probably waiting for you. You have to go.” You didn’t give him the time to reply, wiping your face with your sleeve you offered him a soft smile and left the room.

He didn’t chase after you rooted to his spot and when he finally left the room you were gone. Prudence put a hand on his shoulder saying something that he didn’t quite hear still in a daze.

You had teleported yourself back to the house, throwing everything you could into a trunk desperate to leave before he figured out where you were. You didn’t mean to let out all your feeling but the combination of Prudence, the stress of the last couple of days and your own internal feelings had pushed you to admit that.

You scrawled a note addressed to Hilda saying that you were going to your old coven for a bit, and that she could contact you any way she wanted after a week had passed. You also left one for Sabrina, congratulating her and wishing her good luck until you came back. The one for Zelda wished her fortune and happiness as the new high priestess. The one for Ambrose was shorter, an apology and promise that you would always come back.

You didn’t know where to go, who to stop by on your way but somehow in the shortest amount possible, you found yourself at home. In front of your old childhood house, somewhere you knew your mother would be. Ambrose would be okay, and if you saw each other again it would be fate but right now you knew where you needed to be. You needed somewhere that felt like home, so you went to the beginning. Maybe you would end up back in Central America, but when your mother opened the door the thought of after left, you were when you needed to be for now.

[vampirrediaries]

Enemies Of The State : Dark!Klaroline {4}

summary:

This fiction follows the events of just how Klaus Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes lost everything that tied them to their humanity, leading them into something neither of them can come back from.

———————

{10 years ago}

She was bloody. Sweet, red ecstasy dripping from her mouth as her fangs protruded, swiftly sinking them into another helpless victim once more. She felt nothing but satisfaction as it ran down her throat, hungry for more. Humanity was nowhere to be found. He stood beside his queen, proud as she cracked her victim’s neck, staring at her with love and lust. He was always insatiable for power as they made it rain blood. He kissed her bloodstained lips when she looked at him, whispering with a deathly tone “It’s you and me, my sweet Caroline. You and me ruling the world forever,”

Caroline suddenly woke up with a jolt, heavily breathing.

“What was that,” She whispered to herself, trying to wrap her head around what had just happened. That was the first time she dreamt of him. It was also the first time she’d dreamt of her bloodlust.

The events of yesterday rushed into her mind quickly. The phone call with Klaus, Rebekah’s house...how she threatened Damon so much he fled her house in an instant. Caroline shivered as the memory of her actions came to her. It confused her. Caroline figured out she liked what she did to Damon, and it terrified her. This wasn’t her. She was good. Sweet, bubbly Caroline who needed to be good.

Yes, she needed to be good. But what did she want to be?

Caroline shook her head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. Get yourself together she thought as she got up from her bed. Looking outside her window drearily, the heavy rain matched her mood perfectly. School was the last thing on her mind, and it was Monday. Caroline only wanted to remain in her room after yesterday, and she felt as though she deserved a break from the hysteria that was surrounding her constantly.

What she did want was blood, and even then she felt irked to go near it after her dream. When did life become so difficult?

The door to her room opened as Caroline was about to get something to eat. Her mother looked tired, leaning against the doorframe “Hey, honey”

“Long shift at the office last night?” Caroline gave Liz a weary smile, to which she returned. “We were working on a case late, animal attack”

“It was probably Stefan,” Caroline joked. Liz raised an eyebrow. She forgot how her mother didn’t find vampire jokes funny, trying to change the topic quickly.

“So, what’s up?”

“I wanted to tell you Elena called. It seemed urgent so you might wanna call her back,” Liz said as she backed out of the room. Caroline groaned. She did not want to meet her friends today, not after being emotionally and physically drained yesterday.

She quickly makes her way to her phone, turning it back on to find Elena had given her four missed calls. She couldn’t help but feel annoyed, Elena had probably gotten herself into another vampire mess and needed help. Hastily pressing down on the contact, she brought it up to her ears. Elena answered immediately.

“I’ve been trying you all morning, Caroline” Elena said sharply. She simply rolled her eyes, falling back on her bed.

“Sorry, I just woke up”

Elena breathed heavily through the phone. “Can you come around in a few hours?”

“I’m not feeling great today” She groans, hoping her friend would say that they could meet some any time other than today.

“It’s important, Caroline” Elena said with seriousness. She knew she couldn’t get out of it at this point, hesitantly telling the doppelgänger that she’d be there before hanging up.

Caroline sighed, running her fingers through her blonde locks in thought of what Elena could’ve gotten herself into that she needed her. I really cannot catch a break, can I? Maybe she should just disappear. She’d never been to Paris before. Her mind immediately drifted off to the night of the Mikaelson ball when Klaus showed her his paintings. I’ll take you. Wherever you want. Rome, Paris...Tokyo?

Caroline felt a deep pang in her chest. It was as though every memory she had of him hurt her just as much as his call did. They were nice ones, her favourite being the time he stole her Miss Mystic application. She smiled faintly, that being the start of when she slowly fell for him.

Caroline shook her head. That phone call was the last she’d ever hear from him. She repeated herself this often when she started to miss him a little too much. It was times like these when she wished she was human, missing not feeling such emotions at a heightened degree.

“Well this is quite depressing to watch,”

Rebekah Mikaelson stood in Caroline’s room with a bored look on her face. The young vampire jumped at the intrusion, groaning when she found the Original leaning against her bedroom wall.

“Has nobody told you to knock?,” Caroline hisses. Rebekah shrugged nonchalantly, pulling herself off as she looked around her room. “I like your room. Very human.”

“Can you tell me what you could possibly want at ten in the morning?,” She got straight to the point. Dealing with Rebekah was the last thing she needed right now.

“I wanted to ask you about your rather alarming visit yesterday, but it seems by your attitude you’ve already dealt with your issues with my brother”

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Caroline said sharply “But I’ve handled it”

“So you do have a thing for him,” Rebekah chuckled. “I didnt know you liked sociopaths, Caroline”

“Kindly get out if there’s nothing else you want to talk about” She angrily diverted the conversation. If she wanted Klaus out of her life for good, she needed to avoid his family members, including his bitchy sister.

“You should be nicer to me,” Rebekah said sharply “I even delivered your little message this morning”

“That wasn’t necessary-”

“I’m sure he won’t be a bother to you or your little group anymore,” Rebekah hastily cut her off. Caroline felt her face drop. She wanted him to not be a bother, right? She wasn’t the best at knowing what she wanted, even as a human. Rebekah noticed Caroline’s sudden expression change, rolling her eyes as she sat down on her unmade bed.

“Nik only cares about himself,” She tried explaining. “He’ll break you. Tear you apart. I think the only person who’d be suitable for him is someone without humanity”

Humanity.

Caroline often thought about turning it all off sometimes. More times than usual following the events of the day before. She wanted to when she broke down in the middle of the street, when her father died....when she liked the power she felt attacking Damon. She’d never done it before, which had made it all the more tempting. Especially since the predatory nature she bore was coming out of her more than usual.

“Humanity is a vampire’s greatest weakness,” Caroline murmured to herself. Klaus had said that once, whispering it in her ear on the front porch when he had shown Tyler mercy. She inwardly smiled at the thought.

“Right well i’m going to school,” Rebekah got up, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. “I have a dance to plan. You coming?”

“I’m skipping, actually”

“You really are changing,” The Original scoffed as she made her way out of the bedroom. Caroline fell back on her bed in exasperation. Even Rebekah saw it, and she wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

She spent the next few hours by taking a shower and snacking on blood bags. She even took out one of her favourite things she’d ever received, the drawing that Klaus had left on her bed. Thank you for your honesty, written on the bottom right corner on the parchment in his neat handwriting. Her heart clenched. No, she wouldn’t ever throw it away. Not this.

Her phone rang a few minutes later, Elena’s name shone on the screen like it was taunting her in some way. She put down the drawing beside her, hastily picking up her phone. “Elena, i’m coming okay?”

“Everyone’s just waiting for you Caroline. I told you to be here in a few hours?” Elena heavily sighs on the other end. Why would all of her friends be waiting on her? They usually pay no mind and start talking about whatever trouble they’ve gotten themselves in without her. She wasn’t important in any means.

“I’m on my way,” Caroline says before cutting the call, but as she reached for her purse, the drawing caught her eye. Caroline was paranoid, and she knew Liz snooped in her room sometimes. Her drawer didn’t have a lock on it either. Hesitantly, she carefully placed the parchment into one of the pockets of her purse. It was small, nobody would know unless they looked into it.

At least you haven’t changed being paranoid as hell. Pulling on her shoes hastily, she walks out the door eager to get Elena’s thing done with so she could go back to being invisible.

She reaches Elena’s house in a few minutes, standing outside on the porch as she peers into the window that looked into the living room. Her friends were all there, including Damon. She felt anxious, gathering her will to knock on the door.

Elena immediately opens up, her face sullen and serious, she doesn’t greet the vampire as she simply steps aside. Caroline walks in confused. Her friend had never acted so deviant towards her before, and it was for this reason her nerves went through the roof. Surely it wasn’t because of her, right?

She began questioning this when Bonnie, Matt and Stefan all stood next to the fireplace, a serious expression painted on their faces when she reached the living room. Damon Salvatore gave Caroline a glare as hostile as ever. Her anxiety was heightened at this point, dreading what she knew was inevitable, yet holding on to hope that it was not what she thought.

“So, what’s this about?” She asked tiredly, not knowing the storm that was about to happen shortly after. Elena calmy walked towards the blonde vampire, arms crossed.

“We know, Caroline”

She froze instantly. No.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Elena”

“Seriously?” Elena says with a raised voice “Damon told us everything. There’s no point in denying it”

They weren’t supposed to know. They were never supposed to know.

“What exactly do you think I did?” Caroline asked, her voice wavering.

“Let’s start with how you went all Barbie Klaus on me,” Damon spat out, referencing his name on purpose. She could see it in his eyes. He longed to call her out. She stiffened.

“Because you threatened me! You followed me around and had the nerve to show up thinking you could mess with my head-”

“Wait,” Stefan interrupted in the middle of her sentence “ What exactly did he threaten you with Caroline?”

Damon smirked with a merciless look in his eyes. The same look he gave Caroline the day before. The one that said got you. She quickly figured it out. Damon hadn’t told them about Klaus. Damon was waiting on her so he could tell the truth in front of everyone, making her suffer just as she wanted him to.

“Well that’s the fun part of this whole thing,” Damon clapped his hands tauntingly, turning his amused gaze towards Caroline. “Should I tell them or should you?”

She felt her heart in her throat, wordlessly pleading him not to as she remained still, knowing what was inevitably coming. “Blondie has been lying to you all,”

“Damon. Please,” Caroline’s voice cracked weakly. She couldn’t move. The older Salvatore brother merely gave her a sadistic look.

“What is he talking about?” Elena asked sharply. The air was thick with tension as her friends waited impatiently for some clarification. Caroline felt faint, wishing she could disappear in the moment more than ever. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to forget about him, without letting the people she cared about know her betrayals against them. The room felt at a loss for words with the next that followed.

“Caroline,” Damon spat out mercilessly “Is in love with Klaus Mikaelson.”

—————

There was a storm going on when Klaus went over to the cemetery in order to finish what the Deveraux witch had started once and for all.

It all looked very diabolical when the lightening cracked above, the rain heavy as Klaus took Sophie Deveraux roughly by the arm, dragging her towards the grave he had dug for her when he was done with the deed.

“You shouldn’t have meddled with my life Love,” Klaus spat out venomously as Sophie looked hopeless as ever dangling by his grip. “This is the fate my enemies meet, and it will now be your own.” Klaus swiftly pulled her up, his hand against her chest, ready to take her heart when Sophie weakly said her next words.

“You can’t stop what’s coming,”

Klaus narrowed his eyes at the witch, interested in what she had to say before he killed her, he roughly asked what she meant.

“I saw it,” Sophie meekly said “I saw what would happen if you lived another day. I couldn’t let that happen.”

“What did you see?,” He demanded sharply. Sophie looked terrified now, the type of look that he’d expected her to have when she was brought here to die. The witch looked as if a horrible memory came back to her.

“Your humanity, Klaus” She said shakily “It wasn’t there. T-The both of you are going to start something you can never come back from,”

“What do you mean the both of you?,” Klaus growled with impatience. “Answer me, you incessant witch!”

“I’d rather die than to live in the world you’ll soon create.” Sophie coughed, rain mixing with the blood staining her mouth as she whispered her last words.

“You can’t stop what’s coming.”

Klaus had enough at this point. The witch obviously wasn’t going to give up what she knew, and it was for this he ravenously plunged his hand in her chest.

Sophie Deveraux went wide eyed, blood filling her mouth as it dripped on her rain soaked clothing. Klaus left his hand against her rapidly beating heart, evidence that she was fighting for her life. He chuckled mercilessly wanting her to suffer before giving her the peace of death.

“You witches truly are the bane of my existence,” He said, shooting daggers with his eyes as the dying witch begged for him to end her suffering, choking on her blood. He finally complied, swiftly grabbing ahold of the organ as he ripped it out.

Sophie went limp with death in his hands. Klaus felt satisfaction as he roughly tossed her body in the shallow grave, along with her heart. However, he couldn’t help but feel conflicted with what little information he’d been given about his future. Perhaps she was just trying to antagonise him. Klaus scoffed, uncertain yet satisfied he dealt with the reason he came here for in the first place.

You can’t stop what’s coming. Your Humanity. It wasn’t there.

Klaus calmy walked away from the scene, wiping his bloody hands on his jeans as he thought about it. Yes, he knew things would escalate on another level with his humanity gone. He had never turned it off for this very reason. He had gone through horrific events, yet he kept it intact.

Caroline Forbes was one of the things that tethered him to his humanity, the reason he helped Katherine to live. Rebekah had surprisingly called him that morning, letting him know that she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He expected it after the phone call, but it didn’t hurt less either.

He shivered thinking about what he would do if Elijah killed Caroline, had he not given a damn about his vain lover. His family was another aspect to his humanity, he loved them unconditionally, even though they were placed in a box for centuries on end.

Yes, Klaus knew the consequences if anything were to happen to either of the two, which is why he went to great lengths to protect them. The witch was right, but the future she’d told him was a future he would make sure would never happen if he had anything to do with it. The question remained on his mind, however.

Who was the other person?

——————

masterlist

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 56

Chapter Summary - Sarah asks Danielle's opinion on something, sometimes being brutally honest has a risk of going against people, other times, it can be fun. Tom talks to his niece about her ideas of himself and Danielle as well as more talking between the loving pair themselves and plans for the future as the family sit down to a lovely Christmas dinner, but Christmas can have it's ups and downs in the best of households, including then Hiddleston's.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @damalseer​ @hiddlesbitch1​ @winterisakiller​ @fairlightswiftly​ @salempoe​ @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

"Elle, I need your opinion on something," Sarah called over.

"Will you ever just be honest, I know that tone you are using. What you are really saying is 'Elle, I want to say something incredibly bitchy, but haven't the balls to do it myself, so I am hoping you will do it for me'." Danielle laughed as she came over. "Right, what is it?"

"Listen to this." Sarah handed her headphones, while she, Emma and Jack waited, seemingly with bated breath. After Danielle put them on, Sarah pressed play and no one said anything.

"I like the backing music and singers, but your man is no great shakes," Danielle stated as she listened to the song. "God, it's shit."

"It's the title song for the new Fifty Shades movie," Sarah informed her.

"Well, at least they're honest, starting with a shit song for a shit movie, I..." She froze for a moment before taking off the headphones, wincing. "Who is that attempting to sing?"

"Zayn," Jack informed her.

"Huh?"

"Guy from One Direction," Emma explained further.

"One of them was Irish, wasn't he?" Danielle tried to recall. "Well, like, he's still Irish, obviously, never mind. Someone send this guy some help, they seem to have crushed his balls. Is that part of the movie?"

"Put on the headphones again." Sarah laughed.

Warily, Danielle did as she was told. "Right, so some generic chick now."

"Opinion?"

"I am not sure she's actually good or is it after crushed balls she sounds good, no wait, she's shit too." she looked around at the grinning faces as she took off the headphones. "It's Taylor, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Sarah admitted.

"I knew it, it's genius, have some fella get a crushed bollix so for once, she actually sounds mediocre as opposed to all-out shite. You've to give it to her, she knows how to work it."

"You are evil," Jack shook his head.

"Are you saying you actually like her music? I mean, whatever you're into but, you know, you may need to get a doc to check your oestrogen levels if whiny 'I can't get anyone to put up with me' songs is your thing." Danielle stuck tongue out through her teeth as she smiled at him, knowing she was irking him.

"You are such a bitch." Sarah laughed.

"This is known," Danielle shrugged. "Where's Tom?"

"He, Yakov and the Duchess are out bringing Mac for a small walk," Emma stated. "Speaking of which, why is she 'the Duchess' now?"

"Because she acts like one, she stole Tom's room." Sarah rolled her eyes. "It actually suits her."

"I shall take credit, as per usual." Danielle beamed. "Your mam is in mine, isn't she?"

"Yeah, getting up the pudding and stuffing," Sarah stated. "I better call Yakov and tell them that dinner is nearly ready."

"I better go get the rest of Tom's present." Danielle walked out of the room and to her home.

"Are you two alright again?" Sarah asked her younger sister as she unlocked her phone to call her husband.

"I think so."

"What did she get you?"

"That jacket I couldn't find anywhere that sold out on fashion week." Emma swallowed, readying herself for what she knew was coming.

"And what did you get her?" Emma did not respond, instead, she looked guiltily at the floor. "Are you serious, you got her nothing? What did you get Tom?"

"A new suitcase."

"Wait, you got our brother, the same brother who declined a huge film because they weren't going to give him time to go to your wedding a fucking suitcase and your supposed best friend you got nothing for?" Sarah growled angrily. "What the fuck, Em?" Emma said nothing and meekly left the room. Sarah stated at Jack for a moment. "You knew about this?"

"No, I just asked if she got everything she needed for Christmas and she said yes." He sighed. "I didn't realise she had done this."

"This has to stop, seriously, I know Danielle is not the sort to care about presents, but that is a slap in the face to anyone." Sarah declared.

"Look, they are clearly sorting things out, so I am not going to say anything," her brother-in-law stated. "This got blown out of proportion, yes, but I am there for Emma, no matter what."

"We all are, but we cannot condone her being like this either. Danielle is the only decent woman Tom has looked at as a long-term partner since he first stepped out on a Hollywood red carpet, and I am not letting some spoiled brat ruin that for him, or for this family."

"Tom nearly caused a lot of issues last summer." Jack reminded her.

"Tom was in a desperate place last summer, we all thought he was losing his mind, especially when he brought home the fucking Prom Princess and threw my daughter in front of camera's like a show dog, but he has copped on, all because of Elle, and she cares for him, not his money, not his name, him and that is what matters here. She was there for my daughter, she defended my daughter, listened to her woes when she would not open up to me, and as a mother, I will never forget that. And if you and Emma have kids, there front and centre to protect them from any of this bullshit, will be Elle. Tell me I am wrong."

Jack barely took a moment to respond. "Even if we tell her not to, she will be."

"She cares for this family, she sees it as her own, she was always part of it and now, with Tom, even more so. When this all hits the newsstands, she will need us, and we have to be there for her."

"They are going to try to tear her apart." Jack shook his head.

"She's too normal for them." The pair turned to see Emma in the doorway of the room again. "She's not Hollywood pretty, Hollywood skinny, Hollywood rich, she's too normal, they will want to cause her to break."

"Is that what you want?" Sarah asked her younger sister.

Emma shook her head, tears in her eyes. "Never."

"Then cop on and make sure you make her see you are her friend because you are acting like you are going to be leading the charge against her. If anyone ever found out, they would run that story before we even sat to dinner." Sarah ordered. "That she used you to get to Tom and tore the Hiddleston family apart, that is what it would say, and your behaviour would act as the confirmation. It could not be further from the truth, but trust me, I have seen the cesspit that is the journalistic world and to get ahead, they will try and make destruction, and the summer and subsequent bullshit with Taylor just confirmed that lower than some normal journalists are the paparazzi ones; we make sure that doesn't happen, agreed?" Her sister and brother-in-law nodded their agreement.

*

"Uncle Tommy?"

"Yes, darling?" He looked around, watching as his niece held onto the fur on Mac's neck, the dog slowing his pace to keep in step with her.

"Are there going to be cameras around again?"

"I really hope not."

"Oh." There was more than a hint of disappointment in her tone.

Her father and uncle looked at her. "Why, do you want there to be?" Tom asked.

"Well, before, with Tyler."

"Taylor." her father corrected.

"Yeah, her, they were here and all wanting to take photo's of you and her, but not with Ellie."

"Well, Elle doesn't like camera's."

"No, Aunty Emma gives out that she never likes them, she has to force Elle to take photo's with her."

"Why would you want to have Elle in front of a camera?" Tom asked.

"Because I like her and you do and you are always smiling now, and that is what you should take photo's of; except yesterday, what happened to her yesterday?"

"She fell off her bike and hurt her hand."

"Was she wearing her helmet?"

"She was, and that is why her head is okay," Tom stated. "See why your mum and dad get you to wear yours?" The child nodded enthusiastically at him.

"Ellie would be mad if I didn't."

"Elle would lose her life if she thought you were going to get hurt." Tom agreed.

"Are you and Ellie getting married like Emma and Jack?"

Yakov simply laughed. "That is officially everyone making comments about that topic in the past two days, I think you are under some pressure, Tom."

"I am not even thinking of anything like that at present. Poor Elle would run like a racehorse in the opposite direction." Tom shook his head. "Not yet sweetheart, perhaps in the future, I am not able to say now."

"I'd be the flower girl again like with Aunty Emma's though, won't I?"

"It's good to see her staking her claim in early." Yakov laughed.

*

Tom brought Mac back to Danielle's as his brother-in-law and niece went into his mothers, walking into her kitchen, he was somewhat startled to find Elle there. "Hey."

"Hi." She was facing the window, looking out on the garden.

"What are you doing over here by yourself, has Emma said something?"

"She said a sincere sorry and explained herself," Danielle informed him. "But no, that's not why I'm here."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just came to get something and got sidetracked by birds."

"Birds?"

"Yeah, look." She indicated to the garden, where sure enough, due to the few bird feeders Danielle had placed out there, there were several birds foraging for food. "I forgot how nice it is to have some around."

"Well, how about we get a few feeders for London and put them in the back garden?" Tom suggested, kissing her neck.

"I actually would really love that, you don't mind?"

"Elle, it's a few bird feeders, not a six-story extension." Tom chuckled.

"You forget how many pretty colours they are."

Tom looked at her for a moment. "How strong of a painkiller are you on?" She nudged his ribs with an elbow.

"Stop it, I just miss seeing little animals, they are just so nice and calming to look at."

"Do we have these sorts of birds in London?" Tom had never really paid proper attention to such a thing before.

"Yes, of course." Danielle laughed. "It's not exactly a million miles away, though, I'd say they are tougher, like the Underground mice."

"Underground mice?" Tom looked at her with concern. "Are you sure you are not after taking too many tablets at once?"

"No, I have not. Wait, you never noticed the mice?"

"Mice, on the Underground? No, I cannot say I have, what do they do, take the Northern line to Camden to the street markets, hop on the Central to get to St Paul's?"

Danielle giggled. "No, they scuttle around on the platforms, usually black with dirt from the trains and look for tidbits of food. How have you not noticed them?"

"How have you?" He retorted.

Danielle merely shrugged. "I just love watching them all."

"Did you ever want to be a vet?"

"Yeah, sort of; I wanted to take dad's practise for a bit when I was in school, but I never excelled in Chemistry and that is a requirement for Veterinary in Ireland." She explained. "I know my weaknesses, so I just decided to enjoy animals instead."

"They really are therapeutic to watch actually," Tom noted as he too became somewhat transfixed on the birds too.

"The Great Tit over there is a bollix, watch how he is bullying them all." She pointed out.

"I'm sorry, the what? That's actually a real thing?"

Danielle rolled her eyes. "Yes, there is actually a bird called a Great Tit."

"I thought that was just a joke. How do you know it's male?"

"Boys are bright coloured to attract females, didn't you speak at a thing to commemorate Richard Attenborough, haven't you watched any of his brother's documentaries?"

"Only a few."

"Shame, shame." she joked. Tom just chuckled back. "I got you something, by the way. The other part of your present."

"It's not new shoes?" Tom asked warily, "I was given a new jacket from Sarah with the comment, 'For a change'."

Danielle laughed, "Well..." She handed him a small bag, somewhat perturbed, Tom took one look at the content. On seeing what it was he gave her a scowl, to which she grinned proudly back.

"Really?"He asked holding it up.

"Could be worse, could be an 'I Heart DH' tank top, or what else do they call them, 'wife-beaters', but I thought to myself that you lost enough dignity with that crap earlier in the year." She laughed. Tom looked at the t-shirt in his hands and nodded, knowing there was actually some truth in that statement. "It's actually sort of funny." He grinned, looking at the t-shirt which had a picture of a pencil saying 2B, then an 'R' a picture of a knot and another pencil saying 2B.

"Glad you like it." She smiled, kissing his cheek and walking off. Tom frowned for a moment, looking at the t-shirt as he did. A few moments later Danielle came back into the room and began to laugh. "You poor thing, you honestly thought that was the second half of your present." she got out between fits of giggles. "You are so cute." Tom gave a bemused grunt in return. "Here." she smiled, handing him a small bag.

"So this isn't the present?"

"No, you twit. I just did that to get a funny reaction from you." She laughed. "Open your real one."

Tom opened the bag, took out the little box inside and frowned. "I..."

Danielle grinned. "I took time off from paperwork a few days ago to get a fresh coffee and you were on the phone ranting to someone about how hard can it be to find one decent pair of cufflinks to match your burgundy suit, that you searched everywhere." She smiled. "So, due to no designer having one to match, because of the shirt, you were going to have to try and scrap the idea to wear it, but you were effectively dying to wear, so I thought if I got something that would match it, you would be happy, since you like it."

"I....I was not ranting."

"You were being your version of it, you don't rant like others do." She grinned. "I know it's not as nice as anything you got me, but I wanted to get you something that actually had a use, they are personalised" She smiled, showing the engravings of 'TWH' on them. "And there is one last thing." she reached into the bag and took out a little envelope in the bottom of it, handing it to him.

"Is this another spa weekend?"

"Nope."

He took it and opened it, as his eyes skimmed the lines and he processed the words, his brow raised, "Really?"

"Yep."

"That's absolutely wonderful, exactly what I wanted." Tom beamed, folding over the piece of paper again. "And thank you for the wonder cufflinks, I am so delighted with them. You are too good."

"I know, I know." She laughed in false modesty.

"So, when do I get to see the item that this receipt is for?" He asked cheekily.

"Well, it was going to be tonight, but considering," She looked at her wrist. "It's sort of hard to pull off sexy underwear when you are wearing this."

"Well, I mean, your left hand is still functional..." He grinned.

"Tom!" She laughed. "Incorrigible."

"Oh, darling, that is nothing new." He gripped her ass as he leant down to kiss her again. "I am dying to eat you up."

"Okay, throw some cold water on this, right now," Sarah ordered as she walked into the room. "Dinner is ready, so come on Elle."

"What about me?" Tom asked indignantly.

"You need to make sure you can walk into a room with our mother and my daughter present before you consider coming back over." She made minor hand gestures to him without looking at specific areas. "And the best way to do that is to remove the eye-candy."

"I have too many strong women in my life, I'll never catch a break." Tom shook his head, embarrassed by his sister's comments.

"Nope." Both women responded simultaneously before they looked at one another and laughed, then left the room. Tom followed after grumbling to himself.

*

"I am stuffed." Jack declared as they finally finished the pudding. "Where are Elle and Tom?"

"Commandeered by the Duchess to watch a DVD I think," Yakov answered. "Elle got her Zootopia for Christmas, so she is demanding that Elle stay with her and watch it, and Tom seemed interested in joining them."

"I haven't seen that it's up for a load of awards so it has to be good." Emma grabbed the last of her wine and rushed to the sitting room before she missed anything. "Ooh, it's just starting."

Diana looked at the washing up for a moment. "I'll help you with that later mum, come on." Sarah smiled, knowing what her mother was thinking. With a nod, the two women grabbed their own drinks and followed.

"I think we are watching Zootopia." Yakov chuckled, grabbing his drink.

"It would appear so." Jack agreed.

The sitting room was considerably packed with seven adults and a child, but on seeing they were being joined by the rest of the family, Tom got up from where he was sitting and went to Danielle, taking her out of the armchair she was sitting in before sitting down himself and pulling her down on top of him. The pair getting comfortable again immediately. Diana was the only adult to get any bit of comfort as the others found different ways to fit in the room, Sarah instructed her daughter to get her beanbag from her room to relax on the floor with. In five minutes, everyone was watching the movie and relaxing.

"She's unconscious." Yakov pointed to his daughter at the end of the movie.

"Since half an hour in," Tom informed him.

"So why did we still watch this?"

"Because it's good." His wife stated. "Get her up to bed."

"It's only half eight."

"She had the house up at six, I think it is safe to say she is tired." Emma reminded her brother-in-law.

"Tom." Yakov requested. Danielle got to her feet to let Tom off the chair. Between the pair, they gently were able to manoeuvre her into her father's arms and upstairs to bed.

"What about her pj's?" Tom asked as Yakov put her into Tom's old bed since Tom had said she could take the room while he stayed in Elle's.

"She'll wake then, we'll just take off her shoes and she will be comfortable, that's all we have to worry about." He stated, doing as he said and placing the covers on his daughter. "Do you honestly not mind taking her for the conference?" He inquired when they had left the room.

"Danielle was going to mind her here, but in London, there is so much for her to do. She will have a great time, and regarding suggesting it, I wouldn't do so if I did not want to see her. I barely get any time with anyone these days, I have to take what I can get."

"You will be a good father, someday."

"Just someday?" Tom asked, slightly hurt at Yakov's words.

"You spoil her too much, wait and see, my daughter will be sugar filled and spoiled the entire time at your house."

"Elle won't allow that."

"Look me in the eye and tell me you will not sneak her some sweets when Danielle is not looking because I know you enough to know you will. Sarah told me of that time in your cousins where you stole the entire cake."

"Sarah saw nothing, snitch." He growled, not liking that his sister was still reminding him of his childish messing.

"Who's a snitch?" Danielle asked as the two men reentered the sitting room, the three other women gone.

"Sarah."

"Older siblings, I hear that's a trait of them alright." She smiled, getting out of the chair.

"Where are mum and the girls?" Tom asked.

"Kitchen, doing dishes."

"And you're in here?"

"I was booted out because I kept trying to help. I have a fracture, not an amputation," She declared indignantly.

Tom chuckled and kissed the side of her head. "I'll give out to them for you, shall I?"

"You, give out to your mam? I need to watch this." she walked passed him into the kitchen.

"Out you get, you are not to be trusted," Sarah ordered.

"See what I mean," She turned to Tom. "I'm not wanted."

"You keep trying to use your hand," Sarah stated in defence.

"Well, if she is not wanted, we are going to bow out," Tom stated his arm around Danielle's waist. She looked at him offended. "She is still not caught up on sleep and is recovering from injury, so I am taking her home." He pulled her to the door.

"You are trying to get out of your portion of the cleaning up." Emma pointed out.

"Yep, and this is the perfect excuse," Tom grinned.

"You are on duty tomorrow so," Diana ordered before something caught her eye. "Elle..."

Danielle figured out what caught her eye. "Tom found it and got it for me for Christmas." She beamed, pulling the necklace out properly to show her. "Just like mam's."

"It's perfect." Diana smiled, noting the happiness in both her son and his girlfriend's features. "What else did he get you?"

"A book I have been searching high and low for, bath bombs, and a gorgeous scarf."

"What did you think of Elle's presents?"Sarah smiled.

"You are not stealing my spa weekend." Tom declared, having been warned by Danielle of what Sarah had said.

"Well use it so," Sarah warned. "Did you give him the t-shirt?"

Elle began to laugh, "He honestly thought that was a proper present. It was so funny, he looked so dejected."

"Poor Tom." Sarah laughed. "And the cufflinks?"

"Perfect," He grinned.

"Who would have guessed I had such good taste?" Danielle grinned.

"Anyone that has seen that hidden section of your wardrobe knows you have taste, you actually just need to wear something other than jeans and hoodies for fifteen minutes to see it." Emma joked, flicking sud bubbles at her.

"You make that sound so dodgy, I don't have a hidden section in my wardrobe, it is just towards the back."

"Narnia is closer than those clothes, I said it a thousand times, you need to wear them more, they are really nice on you."

"I don't like dresses, you know that." Danielle dismissed. "Anyway, I am going to bed, I am seriously tired," She walked over to Diana and hugged her tightly. "Thank you for dinner, and letting me invade your home for another Christmas."

Diana swatted her arm gently. "Stop it, you know I could never leave you over there by yourself at the best of times, this year even less so. I think Tom would have boycotted dinner if I did, not that I ever could." She cupped the younger woman's face in her hands. "You mean so much to us, darling; all of us."

"Thank you." Danielle smiled and when she turned to Tom again her brow furrowed. He and Sarah seemed to be silently discussing something with facial expressions.

"Is there something you two wish to share with the rest of the room?" Diana asked in a motherly scolding manner.

"Sarah knew about something I had planned to ask Danielle over Christmas and was wondering if I chickened out," Tom explained. "Elle never mentioned it, so Sarah thought it had been either shot down or not asked, the answer is neither." Danielle looked at him curiously. "The key."

"Oh, right."

"Key?"

"I asked Danielle to stay with me in London rather than a hotel while she is working there for the next few months," Tom explained.

"So, wait, now you're moving in together? After what, three months?" Emma asked in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?"

"Emma!" Sarah snapped.

"Tom doesn't live with people, he gets pissy after a week sharing this house, his home with others, much less someone from outside it."

"Well, we lasted nearly three before this and no issue," Tom interjected, Emma stared at him, confused. "Elle has been in my house in London for the past what, two and a half weeks, and we are staying together here too, and there has been no issue, we are actually very comfortable around one another, so I asked her to bring Mac and stay with me in London." He took a step forward, his anger rising. "If you actually meant any of your apology, then you would be happy about this, Elle will be a forty minute Tube journey away from you, meaning you could actually meet up more."

Emma swallowed hard. "Em," She turned to face her friend. "I know you're still not comfortable about all of this, but..."

"It's not my business." Emma declared. "I, um...I need to go to the bathroom, excuse me," she walked out of the room without a backwards glance, causing everyone to say nothing for a moment.

"I think it a good idea." Diana smiled, as though nothing had occurred. "Sensible, and who knows, if there is one woman in the world that can train Tom in the art of a washing machine, it's you," Diana stated to Elle.

"Wait, you still can't use your washing machine, how have you been washing your clothes?" She asked him.

"Dry cleaners," Tom stated as though very obvious.

"Well, that's about to change." Danielle declared, much to Tom's concern. "Come on, before I get annoyed enough at that little tidbit of information to do a lesson here and now about it. Good night."

"We'll see you both tomorrow, good night." Diana smiled, watching as they went through the two gardens to Danielle's.

Tom left the door open long enough for Mac to come back in after going to the bathroom before closing and locking the door and following Danielle upstairs. On reaching her bedroom, he noticed her sitting on the bed and staring at something in her hands. "Do you regret it?" He suspected what it was she was looking at.

Danielle placed the key on her nightstand and took off her clothes and got into bed, Tom following suit. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"This necklace, did you only get it because it was like my mothers?"

"I don't follow."

"When the store clerk told you it was a Celtic love knot, you researched it, didn't you?" Tom nodded. "It that make you feel odd or anything, getting me something with such a meaning?"

"It was odd, sure."

"Not exactly a word I wanted to hear you say."

Elle, I want this to work, and it is not going to if I am always overbearing."

"Tom..."

"When he explained it to me, he told me what it meant, and I thought to myself that yes, I now want to get this for you for two reasons, happy?" He asked, slightly flustered at having admitted that. "I knew your parents were married a long time, and I hoped getting you that would perhaps be a good omen for us and this relationship." Danielle looked at him, her face emotionless. "Is that the sort of answer you were looking for?" He waited, somewhat fearfully, for her answer.

Danielle remained silent for another moment before leaning over and kissing him chastely. "I love you, Tom." She declared quietly before kissing him again more passionately. Tom, for his part, kissed her back, before pulling her against him.

[piracytheorist]

My Notes on Rewatching “Call Girl”

I amuse myself by thinking that watching this film is an important rite of passage for anyone who’s an all-in Colin fan, as in, one who’ll watch anything and everything he’s in, no matter the content, theme or quality.

I actually used to think that this was a pretty bad movie... but, as you might have seen from my last few posts, I recently realized this isn’t the case. Sure, it is not your average short film, but breaking it down you realize it’s doing most things right from a filmmaking point. I mean, you don’t have to love it, but it does a great job overall.

And I mean, it’s got Colin in it. How bad can it be? ;)

Beware of spoilers, if you haven’t seen the film. And if you do wanna see it, here it is :D

~

I'm still surprised that... this is it. That's Colin freaking O'Donoghue right there. The pirate. The cowboy. The astronaut. The man the myth the legend.

Ah, early 00's.

Wait. Ok let's make a breakdown of the decoration here. There's: 1) a heart anatomy poster 2) a frame with an undiscernible picture 3) IS THAT AN ASTRONAUT FIGURE? dun_dun_dun.mp3 4) a small penguin (?) plushie with a nautical (?) hat on it 5) are those... mantis figurines stuck on the sides of the screen????

Oooooh boy you sure have some very specific decorations on your desk.

The music stops abruptly when Brendan's mother calls out to him to not close the door because she wants to see him studying. That's interesting. Also how old is Brennan supposed to be? Is he supposed to be in high school, or an adult in college? What was the age of consent in Ireland in 2003?

This vibe, though. White perfect shirt and dark vest...

The look of "I'm gonna look at hot girls with my bedroom's door open while my parents argue across the hall" ALSO YES THAT'S A MANTIS

This just makes me laugh so much. Can you imagine sweet innocent (mostly) virgin Brendan typing it and his heartbeat skyrocketing?

Seriously though, that "Welcome back Brendan" thing. With one small addition you add a whole point in his backstory about him trying to deal with his urges.

Jesus I have forgotten so much. As soon as Brendan hears his mother coming, he immediately clicks "Dump her" on the "Virtual Babe" and it just... explodes. 

With a full low-quality boom sound effect to boot. Like seriously if you were trying to hide why the f have your speakers on. You had one job, Brendan.

A rare glimpse into Brendan's room, and I'm trying to understand what the pattern on his sheets are. Maybe I'm just confused by the astronaut figurine, but it looks... vaguely... about space? Like, if you squint, the circular thing on the top left looks like Saturn's rings. No?

Also, Brendan's mom being obsessed with disinfection. That was 2003.

"I don't want filth getting into my house while I'm gone." And two hours later, her son has sex on her bed.

Oh wait, his father says "The only contact [Brendan] has with the outside world is through that bloody computer of his," in a... weird, tone? Like he's trying to placate the mother's fears of any rave party suddenly taking place in the house, but also with his tone (and maybe by using the word "bloody"? idk I'm no native speaker but it piques my interest) it doesn't seem like he's very... understanding and/or supportive of his probably very shy and/or socially awkward son.

Mom: That reminds me, block off the internet, will you? Dad: *scoffs* Why not lock him in a tower while you're at it?

He is sassy though!

Lookit him though! So sad he won't be able to create and look at Virtual BabesTM while his parents are gone.

The parent's accents strike me more towards a British one and I got confused for a bit, but then I remembered that we see Brendan use euros later, lol.

*hatching the plan to search in his father's briefcase for any cards for escort services*

This is where I started feeling that this movie is better than I’d remembered. Like, it does the job of delivering Brendan's guilt over "tresspassing" into his parents room and disobeying his mother, as well as his fear of being discovered, even though he watched his parents drive away, so he'd hear the car if they came back, in a pretty well-done and clear way.

I love how he immediately knows exactly where to look. His father's such an organized fella. Also those pills that he seems to not need immediately (thus leaving them behind for the weekend) are... something. They're put there for a reason and I wonder what that could have been.

There's not even a moment of hesitation, once he opens the briefcase. He doesn't put the card back in, he only looks briefly at his parents' photo but then he's like "Yeah. I'm doing it."

That smile as he sees the card though, lol. 

Casual reminder to have safe sex, lads.

And then the phone operator is like, full business mode. Brendan stutters for one (1) second and she's immediately like, "You want a girl?" She's like, I've had tons of people like you, lad, can't waste my time waiting until you find the courage to ask. You wanna hire or not?

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED The operator asks for the address, Brendan gives it, then asks how much does it cost. Then the operator says "Same as usual." BRUH she knew the address from how often his father used the service!

And then poor Brendan checks his savings and his "Uh..." says it all about how he wishes he could hire someone for longer than an hour. Bro, calm down. It's your first time.

And then he's like, waiting all anxiously by the door. I've never hired an escort service but I feel ya dude.

And of course Barbara the nosy neighbor, here to bring us to the edge of our seats, lol.

Look at how organized their fridge is. Why is that chick suddenly so eager to cook something for him? There looks to be so much food already prepared in there.

And dude. This movie has set-ups. Barbara tries to open a cupboard to like pick up ingredients to cook something, and Brendan, with a sudden "No!" rushes in and closes it. It only makes sense later, when we see that that's where he hid the money for the call girl.

Yikes she booped his nose as she left... what is he, ten? I mean even if he's supposed to be a teen here it's still... like... he's not a little boy to fucking boop his nose. No wonder her mother seems to trust her with taking care of him, with how both treat him like he's a child.

Hi there! You're gonna die :D

Shit I just noticed the portrait on the wall. Is that a... is that a fucking ruff collar his mother is wearing???? (btw I had to search to find that term with "shakespeare collar" XD)

I mean... you can't help falling for it. At first you're like, she seems too... simple for a call girl. But then you're like, who else could it be who also knows his name?

I wonder what would've happened if she hadn't asked to use the bathroom, which prompted her to look at his parents' bedroom and him to... initiate contact. Would he have mustered the courage to actually ask her about it or would he have been so flustered until she'd say something? What would she say? "You know, your mother said you would [something]" and he would FREAK THE FUCK OUT because how does his mother know? Would they have stayed there in awkward silence long enough for his mother to call, him to pick up and find out what she was really there for?

I mean, look at that! I'm speculacting the "what-ifs"! Good fucking movie!

That look, though. You suddenly go from "Aw you cute" to "WTF I know you're thirsty for it but that's... creepy"

Look at that smile, though! She is pretty nosy!

I just... I love everything about this. The way she's smiling at nosing in in her boss' bedroom. Him creeping behind her like the future killer that he is, actually scaring her. The way he says "This is my mother's room," so shy and collected. The fucking music, too. How it slowly builds up from the moment she spots the bedroom and it starts developing when Brendan kisses her.

And that kiss. So chaste and shy and yet she's like, wow yeah let's have sex now.

"You're not as shy as you look." LOL

For the pre-sex scene I just wanna link y'all to @killian-whump 's post about it, since it says it all.

Also dude the voicemail is set up from that moment too, but we've yet to hear what it includes, aside from his mother being bossy about the smallest things. "I hope you haven't gone back to bed." IF ONLY YOU KNEW. Not only what bed he's gone to, but also what he's doing on said bed.

"You don't waste much time, do you?" Lol if only you knew. And again his first response is to apologize if he did anything wrong.

And you know what? Plot twists are a hell of a lot of fun and well made when they make you go back and see things with the new perspective. Like, how chill and simple she was, why she said the last line I mentioned, the newly-known reasons why she said it was kinky to have sex in his mother's bedroom... *slams hand on table* That's a great way to do a plot twist! A fucking plus!

Like seriously, this convo: B: Have you met my father? M: No, but a lot of the other girls have though.

Pre-plot twist viewer: Wow whAT how do you say it like that Post-plot twist viewer: Yeah makes sense

M: I think he gets sympathy from them, like, you know, cause his wife's such an old witch... *realizes* Oh, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that! *more failed excuses and then THAT face*

And like, that's a bit inappropriate in any case but pre-plot twist you're like WTAF. And then you're like eh makes sense for frustrated employees to pity their bitchy boss' seemingly calm husband...

And there's that set-up from before. Job well done, film.

And then their argument about the money. Brendan being confused about the amount, Mandy saying she'll come back and speak to his mother about it...

Seriously though what if he'd found out the voicemail after he'd had sex and before the "confrontation"? Would he like, have sent her on her merry way with all the money and then had more sex with the actual call girl?

And then his instinct, to try and make sure his mother won't find out, is to fucking threaten the woman with a knife. Wow, a little too much, Brendan. And then his first instinct, when they're fighting, is to search and grab the knife and fucking stab her. Lbr though that's just baby Colin finding his call for playing messed-up characters.

Also how did she die so quickly. Guess I found one weakness in the plot XD

And now you're like Jesus he just murdered her but when Barbara comes a-knocking and he looks at her and exasperatedly calls her name, you're like... same, bro.

And the stupid bastard didn't even wash the blood off his arm. Like seriously, Brendan, either do a murder correctly or don't do it at all. At least you can't say he wasn't dedicated, bro sliced his own arm open. *pats head* you'll learn, my little murderous bean, you'll learn.

Brendan: I was doing the dishes. Barbara: Did your parents leave them for you to do? They must have left in a rush this morning.

Yes, Barbara, he can do the dishes, he's in an undetermined age between late teens and-

Barbara: They didn't even make their bed.

Wtf you nosy bitch.

See what I'm saying? Full character development for a character with like, two minutes of screentime.

And then the voicemail drops like an anvil. My first thought when his mother said that Mandy is nothing but trouble I was like "Yo look who's talking" but then I thought that... yeah she did creep in her boss' bedroom, actually had sex with her son in it, then pretty much talked dirt to him about her... I mean she definitely didn't deserve to die, but maybe his mother was a good judge of character for one (1) moment.

And then Lorraine appears.

And Brendan's like "Now I have money for like, three hours with her. Maybe I'll even convince her to help me hide the body too."

“OR MAYBE I’LL JUST KILL HER TOO.”

In conlusion, yup, I’m pretty glad I spent a good hour and a bit watching, analyzing, writing this review and screencapping this film. 10/10 would rewatch and review again.

[cards-onthetable]

Okay but what in the actual fuck...?

I just watched 9x03 and I have a lot of Thoughts. Spoilers ahead I guess.

For the Minor (read: non-Jamko) Issues that I hated... let’s just get these out of the way:

Wtf @ Erin in this whole episode. Misunderstandings/communication failures with coworkers happen all the time. But she was so unnecessarily bitchy to Anthony. And then she blamed him for making her look like an asshole in front of everyone else. Nope, that’s your own fault, gtfo. And don’t even with their ~sweet reconciliation~ with booze at the end. That doesn’t excuse Erin for acting like a terrible person.

Wtf @ Frank/Garrett’s whole storyline. Garrett acts like some butthurt 7th grader who didn’t get invited to the cool kid’s sleepover birthday party. “I may not be a cop but I’m still important!” Ugh. Quit the whining. And also what was even the point of this story existing? Cool @ the secret bunker but centering the story on Garrett’s Feelings was dumb.

....I actually liked Danny/Baez’s story for once. You know it’s bad when I just want the next Danny scene to curtail my misery.

OKAY BUT THE REASON WE’RE ALL HERE: Wtf @ Jamko. I hate everything. Let me elaborate:

Jamie seems so indifferent to Eddie when she brings him lunch. I could almost excuse that in the name of Looking Tough as the boss at a new shitshow precinct. But then Eddie sits down like she’s going to hang out and chat and he actually sighs and rolls his eyes like she’s this big imposition. Eddie, sis, you deserve so much better than this clown.

He also tells her during that scene that the 2-9 is “much busier than the 12th” with a gross undertone of “...so can you go so I can get back to work?” Ugh. Fine @ being professional at work but... really? Act like you like her a little.

Can Eddie give Jamie a compliment other than “you look good in stripes” every episode for the rest of our lives? I mean look at that jawline.

I’ve had Feelings about Eddie’s wardrobe this entire season so far, and that continues here. Why does she look all dressed up to bring Jamie lunch at the precinct? Dresses at Sunday dinner are one thing, but normal, Off Duty Eddie would be in a t-shirt and jeans, not all fancy like here (and in that bar scene with the yellow dress). It’s some kind of intentional Choice, I think, to make her softer and more ~feminine~ as if that’ll win over the Eddie Haters who are probably pissed about their engagement. IT’S OKAY HATERS I AM TOO. LET’S BE FRIENDS.

Though I also think there are new wardrobe people all around. Like what’s with Jamie’s clothes this season? I can’t handle these chinos and iced macchiato colored Pumas. Bring back the dorky dad New Balances and dark jeans.

Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyway.

This diner scene. I had mixed feelings.

Pros: Jamie looks hot af. Eddie has a 10/10 ponytail. Apparently Jamie is putting off sleeping post-night shift to eat with her, which let me tell you as a night shift nurse, this is a Big Deal. So maybe he does actually like her or something.

Cons: it makes me sad that Eddie is less than up front with Jamie. Like you’re going to marry this guy but you don’t want to tell him some info that’s honestly probably not new to him? Odd. Also why does Eddie say she’s “dating” Jamie? That was weird. Him correcting her was kinda cute and their conversation was less forced in that scene than it has been this season but still, really?

Also wtf @ this weird hand holding situation? Jamie looks like the Claw in one of those stuffed animal vending machines at the bowling alley.

OH SIDENOTE: Somewhere In here, Anthony calls Erin “sweetheart” in this gross demeaning tone and it was gross. Moving on.

OH COOL WE’RE... mini golfing? Okay this might be cute?

WAIT JAMIE FUCKING PROPOSED AT THE MINI GOLF PLACE? Oh my god kill me now.

Who..... who thought that was a good idea?

It’s like the writers are trying to throw fans a bone since they know everyone wants to know more about how he proposed. But it comes off as ridiculous satire and/or them almost making fun of the fans. I look forward to reading all the coming fics of this Putt Putt Proposal™️ and making fun of everything 5ever.

Also LOL @ the idea of Jamie and Eddie at this mini golf place on a Sunday morning before family dinner. Who the fuck goes mini golfing (...and proposes there) on Sunday morning?

OH NOW WE CAN TALK ABOUT THESE SHOES:

Okay and the pants also showcase Jamie’s Assets nicely. That’s a trend in recent episodes I can be on board with. So maybe I shouldn’t complain. But also bring back his jeans plz. Like what are we, on vacation at the country club?

What’s with Jamie grabbing Eddie’s wrist all the time? But also 👀 @ his grip here like can we see this in another context next week? 🌶

WHAT IS GOING ON? Does... does Eddie just carry a copy of their ~vows~ around in her purse? Or did she just jot those down real quick as they’re chatting? Either way, wtf?

It’s a little sweet, I guess, that Eddie wants to transfer to the precinct where everyone hates Jamie to be a friendly face/change everyone’s minds about their new boss. But I am seriously sick of this will-they-won’t-they back and forth as far as working together. The will-they-won’t-they was more fun when it was will they or won’t they fuck.

And them working together is a terrible idea anyway. Would it even be allowed for an officer’s fiancé to be her direct superior at work? That seems even more professionally compromising than an engaged couple riding together. Cool I hate it.

Do all married/soon-to-be married couples settle disagreements by just... reciting their vows? What is this, a recap of the S8 finale? WHY?

Oh hey they’re kissing. Oh that’s nice. But why are we looking up from underneath their chins?

OH LOOK EDDIE’S AT THE 2-9 making major Heart Eyes at her sergeant/fiancé. So I guess this settles the last 3 episodes of uncertainty as far as their Work Future. COOL I HATE IT.

That dinner scene was... something.

I’m surprised the Reagans were so fine with Eddie and Jamie’s little practical joke centering on grace. The show could’ve accomplished a similar result without turning the prayer into a joke. And I don’t think fucking up the prayer is going to endear Eddie to any Haters. So that was an interesting choice.

I’m also tired of this drawn out Transition of Eddie fitting in at family dinners. When I imagined Eddie integrating into the Reagan family I saw maybe one awkward, best-behavior instance and then fast forward to next week and she’s going at it with Danny and Erin, requiring Frank to intervene and remind everyone of dinner table decorum.

But I guess playing tricks on the fam means she’s One Of Them now?

Here’s my official vote for a Normal family dinner next week, which just happens to include Eddie in a seamless way, as if she’s always been there. No more Big Events at dinner.

In conclusion, why do I watch this show?

There was one Redeeming Factor — the cop at the 2-9 at the beginning who says “Is that a stick up your butt or are you just happy to see me?” Jamie wishes he had something up his butt. @ontherockswithsalt I hope you’re on that. I need Something To Believe In.

[the-bombs-are-killing-me]

So what do the TM1 girls think of each other?

Obviously, because of the inherent design of the game, we do not know much about the relationships of the girls. Because, when it comes down to it, it really is not important to the player.

But the thing is - they probably have some sort of opinion on each other. For one, they literally go to the same school. They are also all the same age (well, except Yumi, but you know what I mean) and are included in the list of “cute girls” Yoshio writes about.

They also visit the same events - two girls will hang out with you at the amusement park, and three(?) will be at the Christmas party. And of course, it is suggested that they gossip together, sometimes about you.

There is also the fact, that they are technically rivals. Surely, Shiori must feel some way about seeing several girl blush at you, considering the fact she secretly loves you the whole time. Yumi could be quite intimidated by competing with all these older girls who already have a year long relationship with you.

And in general, can you even imagine having a massive crush on a guy and planning to confess, only for him to start ignoring you and then flirt with some girl he just met? Surely, that could create some antagonistic relationships, right?

So basically, we have evidence that the girls may be friends in some way. But there is also the fact that they are technically competing with each other. And I think this idea goes well with the inherent design of the game. It is all about your stats and if they are high enough. Are you fit enough for this girl to notice you? Are you smart enough to get a good place on the scoreboard? Are you pretty enough to be let into the Christmas party?

The world of the game can sometimes feel pretty cruel and cutthroat. But if you, the player, feel that way...what if it is the exact same for the girls?

Random thoughts aside, here are some possibilities I can imagine for their relationships

1.

They are all friends who talk to each other regularly. They absolutely hold no ill will towards each other and if any girl starts dating you, all the others wish her the best. The idealistic ideal of girl friendship.

2.

They have a relatively realistic teenage girl friendship. Most of the time, they get along, but when it comes down to it, they can be pretty cruel. If one of them starts dating you, the others feel a certain amount of jealousy, but they try their best to move on. Maybe a boring option, but it makes sense.

3.

American Psycho.

This may sound weird, but hear me out. American Psycho, much like this game, is all about competition. A big part of it is about fashion, which obviously concerns the TM1 girls. The people in American Psycho all just fake-smile at each other, while internally freaking out about being better than each other. It surprisingly fits, combining the inherent smiley nature of the girls, and the underlying competition.

It is a weird thought to merge together the movie business environment and the cute girls, but I think it could work as a concept. It would be a really big departure from the tone of the original game, though.

If you do not know the movie, just check out this scene and imagine it is about hair ties or something:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cISYzA36-ZY

4.

Heather/Mean Girls

If you know either of those movies, you know what I am talking about here. One of those stereotypical, bitchy,fake, nice-but-not-actually types of relationships. It is a pretty well established stereotype by now, but it can be fun to watch. And again, it goes well with the inherent competitiveness of the game. Also kinda interesting, since it also leans away so strongly from the original tone of the game.

Here is a scene from mean girls, just to illustrate:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVN7TJRRskQ

In the end, it comes down to how mean are you willing to make the girls and m´how much do you want to play up the competition aspect of their relationship. And of course, how much you want to stray away from the original tone of the game.

Now, this probably does not even need to be said, but it is perfectly fine to just take things as the game suggests and not have any tension between them. I just randomly thought about these things, and needed to type it out!

Thanks for reading :)

[fanforthefics]

35. Things you said at the top of your lungs, Claude/Sid

“We’ll have to leave soon,” Sid says. Claude rolls his eyes. He’s always so practical, Sid is; Claude definitely hates that about him. How he can take the romance out of anything, except maybe hockey. “Go back home.” 

“You think?” Claude asks, stretching out on his bed. He is definitely going to miss these beds, once he’s back at the dorms. The training facility the hockey camp is in did not skimp on their athlete’s beds. The dorms, on the other hand, definitely did. He wonders, offhand, if Sid’s dorm bed is as uncomfortable. Maybe that’s why they win. Maybe he wants to know for other reasons. 

“Shut up,” Sid tells him, not like he’s actually annoyed but like he knows he should. It’s not a tone Claude knew about, before this summer. Before this summer, he thought that Crosby’s only tone was the flat one he talked to cameras with, the tight one he used to chirp on the ice, and the whine he used to argue with refs with. He didn’t know Sid could laugh like he did in practice, when he hooked a shot past the goalie and crowed with sheer glee at being on the ice; he didn’t know Sid could sound fond and easygoing, like he did teasing teammates after practice; he didn’t know Sid could sound breathless and demanding and babbling, like he did when Claude lay him out in these wonderful beds and took him apart. 

A part of Claude wishes he’d never known that. That Sid was still the bitchy, whiny, petty, too good, brat of a captain of his college’s biggest rival, who Claude could hate with the single-minded distaste of someone whose face he barely knew. That would be easy. 

Instead, Claude looks over. Sid’s lying on his back on the bed next to Claude, in just his boxers because it’d been too hot to pull on anything more after they’d finished fooling around. He looks irritatingly good, all muscle and pale skin and the marks Claude had bitten into him, more vicious than was maybe healthy, but it did something to him, to know that Sid let him. To know that he could do that, to the precious star of the league, that he could bite at his skin and make him moan. 

Experimentally, he reaches out, presses at one of the bruises on Sid’s hip. Sid squirms, and Claude laughs. 

“You’re the worst,” Sid complains, and then he’s rolling onto his side to look at Claude better. There’s heat in that gaze, a hint of the focus he brings to everything including bed. Claude’s had that focus on him in a game, wanted to smash it to piece; he’s had it here, where it’s taken him to pieces. 

“No I’m not,” Claude retorts. Sid smiles crookedly. 

“No,” he agrees, more thoughtfully than seems right for someone Claude’s been hooking up with for two months. “You aren’t.” He pauses, then. “Should I pretend you are, when we get back?” 

“That’s a week away.” 

“It’s soon enough,” Sid replies, because he’s a worrier. He’s still looking at Claude, with those big hazel eyes. “Is that the plan? That we’ll just–go back to hating each other?”

Claude shrugs. “What else is there?” he asks. Their schools are rivals. Their teams are definitely rivals. They’re rivals. Once they get on the ice in orange and gold, then–he’ll just be Crosby again, and Claude will forget the ease of the power play between them, will forget how Sid bit at his lip when he was working, how they went to the pet store and played with dogs for hours, how bad Sid is at video games and how much he hates that. 

Sid’s gaze is still fixed on him, and it’s getting the look Claude’s seen a few times, when he’s outlining a play he thinks might just work. “What if we don’t.” 

“Don’t what?” 

“Don’t hate each other.” Sid sits up, which jostles Claude on the bed. Claude sits up too. He doesn’t like Sid being taller than him, looking down at him. “I mean, our schools aren’t that far away. We could keep going.” 

“What, keep hooking up?” Claude inserts, trying to sound as casual as his words. Sid ignores him. 

“What’ll they do? It might be dramatic, but no one really cares.” 

“Everyone cares what you do.” It comes out more than a little bitter. Sid flushes, ducks his head. Great, and now Claude feels bad. “Come on. You know they’ll care.” 

“Fine then. What’ll they do?” Sid asks, lifting his head again. He’s got his jaw set stubbornly. Claude’s seen that look from across a rink, and hated what too often came next. “Fire us? We’re students. They’re not going to do anything to us.” 

“They won’t do anything to you,” Claude corrects, because this is the thing he knows and hates–Sid is Sidney Crosby, and that means he can date–see–hook up with–not hate anymore–his rival. Claude doesn’t have that luxury. 

“As long as we play hard, it’ll be okay,” Sid insists. Too hard. He knows he’s lying. Claude stares him down. Sid stares back, determined. 

“No.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because–” Because Claude doesn’t know who he is in Philly, if it isn’t hating Sid. Because Claude’s not sure he can play hard and not hate him. Because they aren’t just hooking up, and neither of them have said it but Claude knows it, and if he lets it go on too much longer it’s going to turn into something more. “Because it’s not worth it, okay? What are the chances it works out? We’d be doing long distance, and there’d be hockey, and who knows what our teammates would say. We’d probably end things and be right back where we started.” 

“That’s bullshit.” 

“Is it?” Claude retorts, his back up at the condescension. “How many people do you know who made long distance work, even without all the other shit?”

“We’re not other people,” Sid snaps back, a hint of that brattiness Claude always knew was there back in his voice. “We can make it work.” He leans forward, gets a hand behind Claude’s head, and tugs him in to kiss him, long and slow, in all the ways he’s learned in the past months get right to Claude’s core. Claude’s a little dazed when Sid pulls away, he’ll admits. “We will.” 

Claude swallows. He wishes they didn’t have to do this now. It would be easier, if they could leave right away. “We can’t,” he says, and waits for Sidney to leave. 

Instead, Sid flops back down onto the bed, and crosses his arms behind his head. “You’re wrong,” he says, and closes his eyes. 

Claude stares. “Are you staying?” 

Sid opens his eyes again, confused. “Are you kicking me out?” 

“No, but–” didn’t they just break up?

“But what?” 

“But–aren’t you mad?” Sid gets mad at the weirdest things and is easy going at others, Claude’s learned, but he thought this would get some anger. 

Sid shrugs. “I’ve got a week to convince you,” he says, sure, and closes his eyes again.  

Claude stares. “You are so weird,” he tells him, because he is. 

Sid shrugs. “Are you napping, or do you want to go down to the weight room?” 

Claude laughs, but he scoots over instead, so he can lean down with a hand on either side of Sid’s head. He only gets this for a week more. He’s  not going to give it up. “This instead,” he suggests, and kisses the sleepiness out of Sid’s face. 

He bites more marks into Sid’s skin, digs his fingers into his side, drags his face across his thighs until he knows there’ll be beard burn. Sid pushes back, muscling Claude onto his back, taking his time over Claude’s skin until Claude’s aching and demanding and Sid’s being a bitch about it until Claude gets his hand on him. 

Claude barely gets to bask at all before Sid bounces back up. “I need to shower,” he says, pulling his sweats back on. Claude watches, regretfully. He wonders how weird it would be to take a picture. You probably shouldn’t have pictures of your rival’s ass on your phone, he supposes. “I’m getting dinner with Segs, then I’m calling home, and then I have some ideas I want to write out before I talk to coach about them. Are you doing anything this evening? You could come too.” 

Claude blinks at him. “I’m sleeping,” he says, because they’d just had a full day of practice and will have another one tomorrow. 

“Oh.” Sid looks surprised by that, like he hadn’t considered that possibility. He’s so weird. “Well then. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow,” Claude agrees. Sid hesitates for a second, then he walks back to the bed, leans down, and kisses Claude again, quick and surprisingly sweet, for someone who wouldn’t know romance if it bit him in the ass. Then he walks out the door, to head back down the hall to his room, apparently. 

Claude watches the door close, with the taste of Sid still lingering on his lips. Sid has no romance in him, but he wants Claude, but he’s going out there to work on more hockey because he is single minded and obsessive and brilliant, and he’s helping the kids because he does that too, and he’s picky and whiny and gets angry over the weirdest things but he’s calm and steady and has the worst sense of humor too. 

Claude rolls onto his side, sinks into the bed. It smells like Sid. His dorm room bed won’t. Sid wants it to. Sid thinks they can do it. Sid thinks he’s brave enough to do it, and it sticks in Claude’s craw, that Sid might be braver than him. 

Fuck this, he decides, and gets up, goes to to the door. “Croz!” he calls. Sid’s at the end of the hallway, far enough away that Claude can just make out the vague impression of his face, that he has to yell. “Fine. Let’s do it, when we’re back.” 

“That took less time than I thought!” Sid yells back, his smile bright enough that Claude can see it from here, and Claude flips him off before he goes back into his room. Yeah, he thinks. They can do it.