#i will write this fic. i swear i will. because i mentally wrote most of it and have a doc adn everything.

[junkissed]

taste like gold

★ | member — bf!mingyu x bf!woozi x f reader ★ | genre — smut, established poly relationship ★ | word count — 2.8k

★ | synopsis — jihoon's favorite way to unwind? a shower. mingyu's favorite way? a shower with jihoon.

★ | warnings — descriptions of female anatomy, dom!jihoon, sub!mingyu, sorta sub!reader. shower sex (no piv), blowjob (m), masturbation (m), edging (m), kissing (reader x gyu), cum in mouth/on face, some praise, nicknames (gyu: puppy, boyfriend, baby / reader: darling, girlfriend, baby). this is a poly fic so all three of them are in a relationship ★ | notes — a very late birthday/very early xmas present for my wonderful @onlymingyus ! i've been teasing her with this for a while so i hope you like it <3 if i had a nickel for every time i wrote a poly mingyu bathroom smut fic for mars i'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but weird that it happened twice? this fic contains mxm themes. you are responsible for the content you consume: don't like, don't read. if you're not comfortable reading then this isn't for you. i wrote this for mars because she is poly; if you do like it, she writes a lot of poly fics so i highly recommend checking out her blog! as always: feedback, asks, and reblogs with comments are super super appreciated and help me keep writing :) merry yaoi-mas everybody

it’s been yet another long day for mingyu.

he spends his precious time running around, errand after errand, phone calls and emails and meetings, and he despises it all. he has a better place to be: at home, with the two people he loves more than anything in the world. he hates being away, because every second spent away from you and jihoon is a second wasted. 

every day it gets harder and harder to leave in the morning knowing he has another tiresome, monotonous schedule ahead, with the only reprieve the promise of returning home to both of you in the evening.

he tosses his coat over the back of the couch and flips on the kitchen light, the warm yellow glow spilling into the hallway. it’s been a longer day than usual, so he’s not surprised that dinner was eaten without him. without even having to check the refrigerator he already knows you’ve saved him the leftovers: the same worn red tupperware container and a sticky note on top with a sweet message, because that’s what you always do for him. he makes a mental note to update the calendar on the fridge with his dinner reservation for three this weekend, because that’s what he always does for you.

the next things he notices are the bedroom light on, the glow coming from the crack in the doorway, and then the hum of the shower running. he know better by now than to think he’d come home to a quiet house. no matter how many times he tells you not to, even after he protests and pouts because he wants his wonderful boyfriend and girlfriend to get their beauty sleep, he always find at least one of you still awake, patiently waiting for him to join you in bed.

he wanders down the hall, gently tapping on the bedroom door before he creaks it open. you look up from your laptop in bed, and your smile when you see him lights up the room far more than the lamp in the corner.

“jihoon’s in the shower,” you let him know, and he bites his lip, leaning against the doorframe. he doesn’t miss the way your eyes wander over his body, the tight black t-shirt he always wears when he wants your attention, the one he knows makes you jealous even though you swear it doesn’t.

“should we join him?”

jihoon runs his hands through his hair, pushing the long blond strands of his bangs backwards out of his face. his shower at the end of every day is what he looks forward to most, a time to de-stress and prepare himself for another busy day. he’s never been the type of person to enjoy morning showers, but he can’t lie and say that’s the only reason he takes them at night; at night, there’s a better chance that you or mingyu will be home. and although he loves the time alone to think, company never makes it worse.

steam fills the room, surrounding his body in heat and fogging up the mirror. it’s been too long since he’s had you and mingyu all to himself, and the bathroom feels too quiet. it’s hard to coordinate schedules, but he misses the warmth of your voice filling his ears and the bubbly tone of mingyu’s giggles. he needs more than the cold, apathetic sound of water hitting tile.

but then, as if he’d conjured you from a dream, the door suddenly opens and he lifts his head at the noise. his dark eyes settle on your figure as you stand next to mingyu, dwarfed by his larger one.

droplets of water collect in jihoon’s eyelashes as he stares at you, his expression kept neutral as he tries to hold back a smirk. he knew mingyu was working later than usual tonight, so like every other night he wasn’t expecting much. but the sight of you both standing there is a welcome surprise, one that he will never turn down, and he can tell exactly what you’re asking without saying a word.

it’s silent for several seconds as his gaze locks with yours and mingyu’s, as if he’s tempting you to break the eye contact and walk away, to wait for him to cuddle you to sleep like he always does. neither of you do.

“coming?” he finally addresses you both, unable to hold back a grin in anticipation. the look on your faces is almost adorable, how blatantly eager you both are.

you’re the first to respond. you slip off your clothes and let them fall, collecting in a pile on the floor as jihoon slides back the glass door to welcome you in. your movement spurs mingyu into action, and his clothes join yours piece by piece as he strips bare, nearly stumbling over himself in his eagerness to follow you into the shower.

jihoon moves out of the way so mingyu can stand under the stream of water, sandwiching you in between them. your heart races as mingyu draws you in, rivulets of water trickling down his toned chest as his eyes silently roam over your body, and you can’t help but study him in return. 

your gaze drifts again to jihoon, who’s now standing in the corner of the shower looking pleased. you can see the flash of lust in his eyes as mingyu grips you tightly, pulling you closer until you’re standing flush against his body, and the proximity sends a shiver of desire down your spine at the knowledge that jihoon is watching.

“why don’t you take care of him, baby? i’m sure he’s had such a long day.” his tone is low and smooth as he turns his attention to mingyu, who’s been awkwardly pouring soap on a loofah but freezes at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. jihoon’s head is tilted downwards, his eyes lifted to look up at him through his eyelashes, and even though it’s not directed at you it still makes you shiver with how powerful the look is. “haven’t you, gyu?”

mingyu whimpers at the attention, unable to find the words to responds, and it only confirms in jihoon’s mind how badly he needs this. he glances back at you, your eyes so focused on mingyu that it almost makes jihoon laugh— you need this, too, just as much if not more.

you feel jihoon’s gaze on you, and you manage to pull yourself away from staring at mingyu long enough to catch his nod. you start to reach for him, your hand trailing down the defined muscles of his abdomen, but jihoon tsks out a disapproving noise before your hand can find mingyu’s cock, holding in a bated breath as you wait for instructions.

“you can do better than that, darling. don’t be shy. let him use your mouth.”

you look up at mingyu for confirmation as he nods quickly, unafraid to let his eagerness show, and without another word you drop to your knees in front of him. his eyes widen a little bit in excitement as you position yourself on the floor of the shower. his body blocks the stream of water from the shower, keeping you mostly dry as you watch trails of water race down his thighs.

mingyu reaches down in front of you and uses his hand to pump his cock to full hardness, although he was more than half hard already. jihoon just continues to smile from his spot at the other end of the shower, letting you get situated the way you like.

“go on,” he says once you’re both finally ready, two needy sets of eyes pleading at him and waiting patiently. “make yourself useful, baby. show him how much you love him.”

you turn your gaze back to mingyu with a grin, taking him in your hand as you begin to guide him into your mouth. his cock is thick, so much that you can barely wrap your hand around him, and you have to open your jaw wide to fit his tip inside your mouth. gently, gradually, you sink down further and further on his length, pausing every few seconds to inhale shakily through your nose.

you haven’t even started moving yet but mingyu’s already panting, his hands clenching and unclenching into fists as he struggles to adjust to the warm, tight feeling of your throat around his cock. after a second of turmoil he puts one hand on your head, tangling his fingers in your wet hair with a gentleness that seems out of place compared to his size. he’s always gentle with you, sometimes a little too gentle, but it only takes a word from jihoon to have him roughing you up the way you love.

behind you jihoon lets out a sigh, his gaze fixed on the scene in front of him. he takes his own cock into his hand, his fingers loosely gripping his length as you bob your head over and over again down his boyfriend’s shaft. as much as he likes to actively participate, he’s also content to just watching the two of you please each other, going round after round while he keeps control, relishing in the way both of you hang on his every word. 

you’re both so good to him, and he tightens his hand as he watches you gag around mingyu’s cock, half pretending that it’s your mouth on him instead. but he doesn’t need this as much as mingyu seems to, and to him, watching is more than half the fun. besides, there’s plenty of time for himself later, after you’ve taken care of gyu. next time, maybe he’ll bury himself deep in your pussy and make mingyu watch instead. or maybe he’ll let him take you too, because your moans always sound so much sweeter when both your boyfriends are inside of you at once.

mingyu thrusts his hips once, shallowly, experimentally, and you open your mouth wider to let him slide between your lips with ease. you reach up to put your hands on his thigh and squeeze a little, giving him a signal to continue. the veins in his biceps bulge as he squeezes his fingers around your hair, a constant stream of whines pouring from his lips like the shower water that pours down his back. 

“look at him,” jihoon commands, almost in amusement, and you swallow and crane your neck up so you can lift your eyes. the image above you is truly a sight to see, and you can’t help but preen at the sight of mingyu's fucked out expression, his eyes closed and his brows furrowed deeply in concentration as he bucks his hips into you faster.

“he loves your sweet little mouth, doesn’t he?” jihoon urges you on. your fingers dig into mingyu's thick thighs harder in an attempt to stop him from moving so much, but you're useless against him. he's practically fucking your throat, panting out breaths with both hands firmly tangled in your hair to hold your head in place. “whose mouth do you think is better, puppy? mine, or hers?”

“fuck—” mingyu stutters, and you feel his grip on your hair tighten as he struggles to concentrate enough to organize his thoughts. “both. fucking love this mouth, god… hoonie, please—”

“please what?” jihoon says, his voice dominant yet still calm as he watches. “tell her what you want, baby. use that pretty head of yours, hm? use your words, you can do it.”

mingyu groans and scrunches his nose, trying to focus. “wanna— ah, please can i cum? can i cum in your mouth? shit, baby, i'm so close…”

you hum out a sound of acknowledgement around his cock as you glance up at jihoon, but it only makes mingyu groan louder as he feels the vibrations from your throat surrounding his sensitive, aching length. he loves the way you’re both so obedient for him, always asking permission, always being so well-behaved when he’s in charge.

jihoon stays quiet for as long as possible, drawing out the moment until mingyu looks like he's about to cry from the effort of holding back, but he finally breaks and nods. “go ahead, puppy, fill up her mouth. you've earned it. you've been such a good boy for us, love.”

at his words you let out a moan simultaneously as mingyu does, snapping his hips into your mouth a few more times as he chases the high. you try to swallow the spit that’s pooled in your mouth, but the sudden tightening of your throat is what finally sends mingyu over the edge. he pushes his cock as deep into your mouth as he can, gasping and groaning and grunting praises scattered in between cries of your name and jihoon’s.

you can feel his tip throbbing on your tongue with each rope he releases down your throat, filling your mouth until you’re forced to pull away to breathe. the rest of his cum ends up on your face as you lick your lips and swallow the thick substance in your mouth, letting out a gasp of your own as you finally inhale a full breath.

mingyu’s hands in your hair tighten for just a second before he releases you to let you sit back, bracing himself with one large palm flat against the shower wall and the other gripping your shoulder. his neck rolls backwards as he stares up at the ceiling, letting out a whine that reverberates off the tiled walls of the shower and fills the room.

as he leans to the side his body moves from the shower spray, and you shiver as the warm water hits your lower half. drops of water trickle down your neck and between the valley of your breasts, but it’s hard to tell if it’s only from the shower or if it’s sweat.

jihoon releases his length with a wince, letting out a shaky exhale as he offers you his hand. his cock twitches in sensitivity, still fully hard and now aching at the release he denied himself. but he knows you’re not done, and he knows it’ll be well worth it later. mingyu pulls you the rest of the way up, helping you balance against him after kneeling on the hard shower floor for so long.

with barely a second to let you breathe, mingyu leans forward to capture your lips, his deep voice groaning out your name as his arms slide down to sit firmly around your waist. you melt into him, automatically moaning into the kiss, and he greedily swallows your noises until it feels like he’s going to suck the breath right out of your lungs.

he kisses you harder, one hand falling to your hip while the other reaches up to cup your jaw and guide your mouth further into him, his tongue prodding between your lips in a way that makes you feel warm from the inside out. he can taste the remnants of salty bitterness on your tongue, and it only makes him whimper into your mouth in delight.

his eyes are hazy when you finally pull away from the kiss. he pulls you into his chest and holds you tight, your cheek pressed against his warm skin as you feel his heart pounding. his arms are strong around you, his thick muscles sliding around you easily from the water and sweat, one hand holding the back of your head to keep you against him.

mingyu waves his arm and then you feel jihoon behind you, brushing your wet hair off your back so he can leave kisses across your shoulder before moving in closer. jihoon’s hands glide between your bodies, cupping your breasts as he holds you between him and mingyu.

you can feel how hard he still is pressed against your ass, but before you have a chance to say anything, jihoon reaches to flip the water off with a flick of his wrist. the temperature in the bathroom instantly falls at the loss of the hot water, but with the two men around you it’s barely even noticeable.

jihoon is the first to let go, sliding back the glass door and stepping onto the bath mat to start handing out towels, and mingyu is suddenly very, very grateful that he doesn’t have work tomorrow because it’s clear that none of you will be getting any sleep until dawn. but there’s nowhere else in the world he’d rather be right now, clean and comfortable and happy with the two people he loves more than anything.

© junkissed 2024. do not repost or translate. ── ⊹ ˙ . 𖥻 want to be notified when i post new fics? join my taglist!

i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, please reblog or leave a comment or an ask! it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! i put a lot of time, love, and effort into my writing, so feedback is really appreciated and motivates me to keep posting :) thanks for reading!!

taglist — located in the replies

[ririleil]

vampire!suna and witch!reader headcanons

a/n: these hcs are actually related to a fic i wrote write right here but they could serve as a standalone! there are more hcs under the cut so feel free to check them out! i might make a pt 2 for these hcs because i still have a whole lot of stuff for vampire!suna and witch!reader. im so sorry if this was too wordy i tried to make it as short as i could but anyways, pls do enjoy!!!

cw: mentions of death, blood, and implied sh (very mild but still, do take caution!)

masterlist

you both first met on a quiet night at a library when you stayed behind to help sort through books. you saw a sleeping suna in one of the reading alcoves. he was too still, too pale, with hands that looked too cold to be alive. you also sensed no living mana emanating from him. 

without knowing he's a vampire, you immediately assumed the worst. you thought he had died, or someone had murdered him and left his corpse to rot alone in the library. to make sure of it, you reached down to check for a pulse but felt nothing at all.

instead of calling for help, you took this chance to try out on a resuscitation or revival spell (you had a let-me-do-it-spell-first mentality)

you were halfway through the spell when he opened one eye and with cold hands, suddenly grabbed you by the wrist. 

"could you not chant a necromancy spell directly into my ear while im sleeping? thanks"

startled, you jumped back and smacked him with the nearest book you could grab (he dodged and funnily enough, the book you grabbed was about vampire anatomy and physiology)  

“you were just lying there! dead and cold!”

“uh, im literally a vampire? thats kind of my whole vibe” 

you guys had a mini back and forth banter. you were kind of embarrassed by the encounter so you scowled at him the entire time while he just smirked at your reactions. he liked how unshaken you were. most people would've just ran away from him.

and that’s where it all started. he kept showing up lately after that night. around closing time when you’re there.  

at first, you thought suna visiting the library every night was him being annoying. eventually, you realized it’s one of the only places he feels calm enough to fall asleep.

suna is that one vampire who will still and always ask for permission to come inside your house (except for that one time when he desperately needed your blood) everytime he visits without fail. he won't get in until you let him. even though vampires can enter and exit someone's property freely once already invited, suna still has the need to put distance. he even does it to mess with you for shits and giggles. in a teasing tone, he'll say something like:

"aren't you gonna let me in? or will you just stand there blocking the door?" "suna, stop messing around and just get in, will you?"

you guys banter like two roommates in a very “old couple way”. he called you a hag one time because you speak like an old witch sometimes and you retaliated by calling him nosferatu

you guys share the same humor in morbid things. no one else laughs at it. but you guys crack up everytime.

“if you bite me in my sleep, i swear i’ll curse you to puke slugs for a month” “bet”

asides the library, vampire!suna sleeps in weird places. the attic, his basement, crypts, your couch (his favorite). he dislikes coffins—claims that they are too outdated and too last century.

one of your specialties is making magical tea blends, whether it's for calming or for boosting effects, etc. you occasionally add drops of your witch blood to suna’s tea blend for him to recharge but not enough to satisfy his hunger. you didn't tell him about it but he knows. and he's silently thankful for that.

suna can turn into a bat but refuses to unless it's absolutely necessary. you once pestered him to turn into one because you haven't seen that form of him before. you already did though. once. when you saved what you thought was a regular bat but it was actually suna transformed into one and you tried to “adopt” him. 

you cast quiet wards around his resting places so no one could stumble across him or disturb him while he's asleep. suna, without your knowledge, shadows you in town at night time when you're out searching for magic items or ingredients. he just wants to make sure you're safe and doesn't want you to be alone in dark alleys (you're capable enough to defend yourself, he just wants to be there). 

suna is annoyingly fast. he moves soundlessly and appears beside people without warning, it startles them. you're the only one who doesn't flinch anymore (unless you're hyper focused with something else);

whenever he tries to scare you in that way to mess with you, it always ends in failure with you saying “you don't scare me, suna. let it go.” in a blunt tone. he's glad though, that you don't find him scary at all.

despite being dead for years, something about your exasperated sighs and your passion and dedication in spellwork make his unbeating, dead heart flicker. he likes watching you while you work and pretends not to be fascinated by you (you know he's staring but you pretend you didn't).

suna once half joked about watching everyone around him fade and die. you calmly and seriously replied “i know a few spells and rituals to stop aging or slow time if you ever get tired of being alone.” he didn't reply, but he noticed the look you gave him. it stuck with him forever.

a/n: if you've reached this part, thank you sm for reading until the end. also, did you guys catch the sinners reference?

photo credits: pinterest

dividers: @/cursed-carmine

© ririleil 2025 | do not copy, modify, repost, or translate without my permission

[idyllic-affections]

to be quietly loved.

summary. what would dan heng be like as an older brother?

trigger & content warnings. mentions of injury and nightmares.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff, found family, very slight angst if you squint. dan heng (including il, towards the end) & younger sibling figure!reader. 1.1k words. they/them pronouns used for reader.

author's thoughts. i just remembered i have free will and can write fics about who i want to whenever i want to (/lh) so i wrote platonic dan heng content!

dan heng would be very quiet and subtle in his care. he is undoubtedly a fantastic brother! but his love language is very quiet, only noticable to those who pay close attention.

his gestures of care are quiet, and his words even moreso, but... well. it's fitting for someone like him.

he pays attention—very close attention, actually.

if his sibling seemed interested in something (perhaps their gaze lingered somewhere too long), or if they offhandedly mentioned a potential new interest to him, he would make a mental note of it.

his sibling might find the book they've been wanting to read or the cool ring they saw in a shop's window sitting in front of their door on the express a day later. <3

he's not the kind of brother to bully his younger sibling LMAO

he would rather do things for them—little acts of service to show his love in a wordless way—rather than bully them into doing things for him.

another way dan heng subtly expresses his care is in battle. he always has their blind spots covered. it's... a bit more obvious than his other displays, but really, it doesn't matter. what matters most is his sibling's safety.

and if they haven't left their room in a while? whatever the reason may be, mental health or physical health or any other reason, he's leaving meals by their door. he sends them little texts throughout the day, giving them the opportunity to seek support if that is something they need while also not forcing himself into their safe space if they just want to be alone for some time.

of course, his quiet nature does not mean he doesn't verbally express his affection. he does, but only in the soft moments in which he is alone with them.

(march would relentlessly tease him otherwise.)

late nights spent reading together in the archives, observing the stars together when everyone else is asleep or otherwise occupied... moments like that.

additionally, moments of hurt.

especially moments of hurt.

if his sibling happens to have nightmares about their own past, much like he does, he will offer them the security of his comfort and support. he'll always be there; that is one thing he can safely assure them of.

(maybe he'll live longer than they will. maybe he won't. either way, he will be there for as long as he is able.)

he offers to reassure them over text if they aren't really comfortable or ready for physical contact, but he will also offer to let them spend the night in the archives with him. whatever puts their mind at ease.

dan heng is always willing to hearing their story if they are willing to share. maybe he isn't quite ready to reciprocate that same vulnerability yet... but he does reassure them that his lack of openness is not because of them or something they did. it has nothing to do with them. they'll be the first to know when he is ready, he swears it.

or if they get physically hurt... he's there in an instant, finishing off whatever monsters dared to harm them and then rushing them back to the express to get their wounds treated, even if it really isn't that serious of a wound. he sees blood and goes into worried mode immediately.

he spends a lot of time with them while they're recovering, to the point where welt and himeko will teach him how to clean and rewrap their injury.

if it was preventable, something they could have avoided with just a little more patience and awareness, he will absolutely scold them for their lack of care, but...

he thinks they've already suffered the natural consequences of their actions, so his lecture on safety is very short.

"...Sorry, Dan Heng. I know I should have been more careful."

"You should have," he agreed, gingerly rewrapping the gauze on their arm. The gash, as a consequence of taking a rather brutal hit from a member of the Antimatter Legion, was healing well. "...I forgive you, though."

They smiled, leaning their head on his shoulder. He adjusted his position slightly for the sake of their comfort. Their weight provided a soothing reassurance that they were alive and well. He still recalled the sheer terror that had struck his chest when they cried out for him in the midst of battle.

"I mean it, [Name]. Be more careful next time. What would have happened to you if I wasn't there?"

"Probably something bad," they admitted, reaching over to his freehand and mindlessly toying with his fingers. "Thank you for being there."

Dan Heng sighed, freehand tenderly raking through their messy hair. "I will always be."

'It is the least I could do for you.'

he's very protective in that way. he genuinely doesn't know what he'd do with himself if something happened to them when he could have done something to keep them safe. he would never forgive himself, really.

he'll also teach them to fight for their own safety, if they don't already know how. if they do? he'll spar with them and help sharpen their skills.

dan heng does his best to not leave his sibling unprepared. he knows deep down inside that he cannot always be there. he wants them to be prepared to defend themselves, to be able to survive without his presence and support.

and when he does finally ackowledge and accept his past...

man.

he's even more protective, if that is even possible. it's some kind of instinct within him, like the way a mother feels inclined to protect her child, or how a lion does to its young. he feels an inexplicable pull, a need to keep them away from harm.

dragon instincts, basically.

he would literally obliterate anything that posed a threat to them fr. he also hates seeing them wounded in that form. he hates it normally, but in his vidyadhara form? it ignites some kind of deep-set anger and worry in him.

aeons forbid they were ever seriously injured.

the things dan heng would do in their defense would... not be very pretty.

on a fluffier note, i just know he gives really secure, safe hugs, especially in his vidyadhara form. if something happens to frighten them? well. his arms are always open. he's always there to comfort and reassure them, even if it happens to be something silly that scared them.

he'll also let them braid his hair in his nonhuman form if they ask nicely enough! he doesn't even try to hide the style when its done. he just walks around the express with it, even if march and stelle and himeko all giggle a little about how cute it is or how well it suits him. welt just smiles knowingly.

overall 10/10 he is a wonderful older brother <3

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[actualbird]

"hey zak how's it going writing fanfic?" [LOUD SCREECHING]

but actually okay here are some updates

prior to last week, i went through a horrendous writing slump. basically after i wrote "one day at a time" in advance back in april, i stopped writing and have been unable to write ever since then. it just doesnt look like it because i posted "one day at a time" in may for mariluke week and then i posted "perigee" in june, but bOTH THOSE FICS WERE WRITTEN WAY BEFORE

in reality i havent been able to write new fic for MONTHS and it was driving me CRAZY

this led me to looking through my old tot outlines looking for something, anything i could write out without starting from scratch and i found!! a lovely little mariluke fic outline from 2023 about luke being drunk and marius taking care of him

However, That Fic Was Intended To Be A Christmas Fic. It Is Set During The NXX Investigation Christmas Party.

It Is Currently July

the mariluke server told me that it's more than fine to post a christmas fic in july so im gonna do it, HAHA. once my beta reader is done fixing it up, it'll be off to ao3!

here's a peek!!

this fic only ended up at around 1.5k words though so it's very much a baby fic and also.....if im being honest, finishing writing it didnt make me happy 😭😭😭 like not because i thought the writing was shit, like. it's not my BEST but it's not BAD, it's fine. i just didnt get that satisfying feeling of fulfillment when i finished it 😭

that lack of joy and fulfillment is most probably definitely the Mental Illness but also i feel like it's because i wrote this fic from an outline i had for years. it's basically like i reheated the dinner i made last night, if that makes sense? like it wasnt from scratch

so if i wanted joy, i needed something New

mariluke server comes in to the rescue again because a conversation this morning led to a wonderful wonderful fic idea: fudanshi luke and fujoshi kiki coming together and forming a beautiful yaoi-ful friendship while luke is still coming to terms with his sexuality

here's a peek!

this idea is making my neurons fire like crazy and i hope i can sustain the Sparks im feeling so i can write this fic to completion!! FUDANSHI LUKE AND HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH FUJOSHI KIKI MUST HAPPEN!! I SWEAR IT

anyway yeah! look forward to that christmas fic and please pray for braincells as they tackle this new fic!!

[luddlestons]

i saw your tags on that one post about fanfic dialogue and i locked tf in immediately so can you pls tell me about kingsley's speech patterns? :)

Of COURSE I can!

So, of our 3 purple tiefling iterations, Lucien sounds the most different, bc he’s voiced by Matt, and using a stronger accent. This actually works, I think, bc Lucien had a lot more history, and we know from Molly’s comic that he basically had to learn to speak again, so it follows that he’d only retain a touch of Lucien’s accent. The difference between Molly and Kingsley, however, is interesting to me.

The thing about Molly is, he talks incredibly fast. This is there from the jump, he rambles his introduction so quick that Tal slips on his NAME, that’s how fast he talks. It’s a showmanship thing, a carnival barker type thing, and it works for someone who “grew up” in the circus.

While Kingsley retains more from Molly than Molly does from Lucien, he speaks at a much more measured pace. Like Molly, he doesn’t frequently use filler words (compared to Caduceus, who says “um/uh/yeah” a whole lot to fill space when he’s thinking—and of course Cad talks to slowest of all Tal’s characters) but he also doesn’t ramble as much as Molly.

So the interesting thing about writing dialogue for characters is that tone/pitch/accent/other audible effects aren’t there. Sure, you can describe a character’s voice, but for fic, we all know what they sound like, so a character’s voice is more based on cadence and word choice. THEREFORE: Kingsley sometimes ‘sounds’ more like Ashton when I write them, because his pace of speaking is similar to Ashton’s—the only difference is Ashton uses more filler words (usually swearing) and occasionally drops understood nouns. I only realized this when I wrote Kingsley and Ash interacting!

I think another big reason for that similarity is that although actors modify a lot for their performances, in extended improv acting like dnd it’s hard to change your vocabulary. Ashton just swears a lot more than Kingsley, because no other character has as intimate and long-standing a relationship with the word ‘fuck’ as Ashton Greymoore.

When writing, that difference in pace gets displayed by more description or dialogue tags within a line of dialogue, so the reader mentally takes a breath. Molly has very little of that when he really gets going—he talks for long sections at a time without breaks, because he’s not taking a breath. On the opposite end, caduceus tends to have full lines of description/mental narrative in the middle of his dialogue bc he pauses longer, bc he’s thinking a hell of a lot more than Mollymauk

This isn’t always the case, of course, because that would make for a very monotone fic, but it’s often enough that I could find a good deal of examples! Fortunately or not, the only dialogue-heavy thing I’ve written all three of them doing is seducing Caleb Widogast. So that’s what these all are.

Molly:

“My dear, I am an awful roommate, but I am not in the habit of laying stark-naked on the bedcovers and getting myself off while looking at the only other person in the room when I don’t intend to fuck him.”

“I want you. I always want you, anything you want to give me. Hells, if you decided to bend me over the cart and have me during the middle of a watch in front of whatever bandits came sneaking up on us, I’d let you.”

“Most of them, yes. There was a fellow in the circus—he was tattooed on every inch of his body and, excepting the areas he couldn’t possibly have reached, he did a majority of them himself. I told him if he wanted more canvas space I would gladly oblige— oh, fuck—“

Kingsley:

“Gotta warn you, if you brought me here for magical research, you’ll be disappointed,” Kingsley said.

"Let's get a fuckin' drink," Kingsley said. "I'm going to need a strong one to manage this place."

"Ah-ah-ah." Kingsley's tail insinuated itself between Caleb's legs, looping around his calf. "You’re not getting away without telling me that story."

Ashton:

“I can also be your pet theory if you want,” Ashton said, blaming the extra stupidity on headache plus horny somehow.

“I don’t care either way,” Ashton said. “I’m not particularly squeamish about being naked.”

“Holy shit, fuck me,” Ashton said, fully aloud.

For comparison, Caduceus talking with Caleb about physical intimacy (Caleb brushing his fur):

“I’m not. I’m very comfortable, actually.” He settled back in, watching Caleb with a soft smile. “I like this.”

“That’s nice.” Caduceus leaned his head against Caleb’s leg. “That’s really nice. Let’s just be together, as close as you want to be.”

“I’m probably shedding a bit.” The Menagerie Coast and even Xhorhas were warmer than the Greying Wildlands. “As long as it doesn’t bother you, that’s fine. Probably needed a deep clean.”

[mememydid]

Okay. Uhm. I am having a small mental breakdown, because I think trauma memories just surpassed ACTUAL memory and I knew of things before actually learning of them.

Just-Okay, so there's a Gaston fictive in our system. And yesterday he was going on about typical Gaston things, but we were writing it down as we are working on a Decendents Fan Fiction, and why not get backup fodder for the character in said fic.

Anyways, I wrote down earlier this morning about Gaston's favourite thing, which he considers the most important. It is, as he says, seeing your reflection in someone's eyes. Because it means they're looking at you.

JUST NOW, I decided to watch the live actions deleted scenes. I have never watched them before in my life, and guess what the fuck was a deleted scene.

.........What the fuck.

Like, I understand having source memories from the source any alter watches prior to a split, and I of course understand having different source memories than "canon". But I swear, we have NEVER watched the deleted scenes for this movie. So HOW did our Gaston know about it? Was it also said in the animated movie?

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

Author Interview

thanks for the tag @veryinnovative you already all my life story but let's go at it again

How many works do you have on AO3?

47. Because I have no chill whatsoever.

What's your total AO3 word count?

818,546.

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes: Collars and Croissants 

Runaway Groom 

Le Mange Dieu et le Dévoreur de Mondes 

The Brew 

Goldeneye 

Do you respond to comments?

Not really… I don’t know, I feel like writing my story is my comment and the readers’ comment are their reaction to the work ? I tend to build friendships tumblr more so that ao3 (which I don’t consider to be a social media per se).

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Heartless. It was not planned like this at all, but when it came to write it, that’s what needed to be done.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Most of my smutty oneshots I would say. It’s harder to have a happy ending when you put your characters through horrors…

Do you write crossovers?

Haven’t yet, but I’m not opposed. I love the idea of a Jayvik/Jegulus story set in Harry Potter where Jayvik from Arcane timetravel like in episode 8.  It just makes so much fucking sense. God I would like writing that so much.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A few people strongly hate I am the moved on. 

Do you write smut?

I’m a theoretical whore 🥳

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not exactly.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep ! The Dark!James one shot is available in Russian. And someone is working on Runaway Groom in French.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yas. Love a co-writing baby. I have co-written a few published ones, a few unpublished ones, and I am currently writing with 3 people, 4 different fics. I just love a cowrite. There’s nothing like it. With the right people, it just ✨makes sense✨.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Nothing will ever beat Naruto/Sasuke. Although BKDK is really hitting something in me as of late.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Echoes in Eternity. I have been toying with the idea of writing a bullet point final chapter with what I had planned. But if I do then I fully give up… and I don’t know if I am ready.

What are your writing strengths?

My singularity. I don’t write traditionally, and people either love me for it or can’t stand it. I don't mind being a divisive writer. I don’t want to appeal to everyone, but I want a few people to stumble upon my shit and I be blown away. I want everyone else to think « wtf » and click out. The more I learn, the crazier I want to experiment. 

What are your writing weaknesses?

Description of people and things. I’m into the mental a lot, and I forget to tell people where they are. How they look. Mostly because it’s something I personally don’t care for while reading

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don’t have a real opinion. It depends on whether I feel like it’s necessary or no. But then I’m not really bothered either way.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Arcane and My Hero Academia. I wrote a really shitty mha start, but since then I had an idea so I need to rework it.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

They’re always my favourite when I’m writing them . But if I had to pick, then Heartless.  Which is also imo the most underrated one. I re-read it and I still think it slaps. It's not perfect but it's my baby. It's my fav. It's the one I would save in a fire.

I wrote it during a special time in my life and rereading it is always an emotional adventure

I don't necessarily know you all very well, but I enjoy you guys as writers, so....

@twisted-tales-told (I know you very well obvi, my couch has your name on it whenever, you know that right?)

@sophsicle (I don't know you, but your writing is very special to me)

@suixcausa (we have bonded over bookbinding (I swear imma send you your copy of SEMI, it's just cold outside and I have to go to the *post office* and I don't like itttttt)) and also mha dragon fucking... I mean what's not to like. Can't wait to physical meet you one day)

@majjale (we spoke on tumblr briefly but your immortal baku AU fic ended my life and re-started it, and I am endlessly curious).

Cheers

[tf2heritageposts]

Headcanoning mercenaries (and other TF2 characters for that matter) with actual mental illnesses is honestly interesting to me but I swear to god this fandom just... can't do it properly. Especially with NPD, BPD, and DID

Like there's so much insensitive shit I see that even though I have my own headcanons, I purposely try my hardest to never mention it or even code them in my drawings/writing because I don't wanna be grouped with those people..

anon you literally speak my mind. i fucking hate people who completely misrepresent stigmatized disorders in tf2, especially ones we have. if i ever see an “evil alter” headcanon for medic again i am going to kill someone

the aspd sniper fic i wrote today was just basically a writing of my own experiences with aspd and also some npd accidentally mixed in, but i know most people writing sniper with aspd would not be at all gentle or good with it

[heartstringsduet]

dearest Michelle 🪐 📚🦷🌿 please

Dearest D, 🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now ugh it's been a week but: I can sit on my balcony again and write in the sun. I'm creative in new ways and made a little clay wiener dog today. I'm blessed with good friends, a roof over my head and I'm mostly healthy. woah more than three, someone stop her 📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?  LOL. A list of things I wanted to say at my psychiatrist office on what I needed help with, because I tend to not be able to express that...guess who didn't again. 🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on What helps me sometimes is to imagine me in the vast universe, in the history of Earth. A microscobic dot. Because I feel so huge some days. Like all I am is my unhealthy thoughts. But then I zoom out not to think: see other people have it worse!! You ungrateful bitch. But to think. oh. Maybe it doesn't matter if I cancel plans with a friend because I feel sad. Maybe I should take a week off to take care of my mental health even if it inconveniences people. Maybe the mistake I made today is really irrelevant. Maybe it matters most that I'm here and I share the love I have with my friends and family. Maybe writing fic is irrelevant, but so is everything so I might as well enjoy my time the way I want. You are huge. You are tiny. It's all a matter of perspective and finding the one that will make it all feel a bit better. 🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity Just answered this but here is more. Dare to go through your wip fics. Read it. Don't allow sadness about not working on it to be bigger than the joy of reading exaaactly what you want to read. You made that. Maybe start by changing a word here and there. Maybe do a timed challenge. 5 minutes. 5 minutes to finish the scene you most want to work on. One word is more than you had yesterday. You don't need to return to a former you who wrote xyz amount. You should go and play with words, and it doesn't always have to be new ones, when editing is also engaging with words. And maybe even publish a half-finished fic and see if it gives you motivation in seeing that people read it to write more. But that is just an idea. You wrote before, but you don't have to measure up to that. you have to be proud of what you already done and be curious what else can be.

[the-six-that-thrive-if]

PLANS FOR 2024!!

IT IS A BRAND NEW YEAR!! WITH SO MUCH TO DO!!

In truth, I'm unsure of what I want to do for 2024. I'm not a good plan in advance and far more of a "this'll be fun to do" type of person. Especially when it comes to writing. So I am going to share what I want to do in the moment and my current feelings.

One Thing: I hate The Six That Thrive.

That is the ultimate looming threat, I'm facing, and want to put this out there, not because I'm going to scrape TSTT. I simply want to make it better. Working on other IFs has just made me realize how much I could add especially seeing that TSTT is my first ever IF, and if you were there when I first began, it was an utter mess.

Chapter Six has been in production, but I cannot work on it with a clear conscience, knowing how much I hate the previous chapters, and if I cannot somewhat like the old, I can't move forward. So as of right now, I think I am going to go on hiatus.

So now, you might ask. "What about the Patreon?" The Patreon is a mix of those who want TSTT content and mainly that, while others are down for supporting me in general. I am still going to be posting TSTT content. Sharing fics, drabbles, backstories. I may as well drop new and improved chapters.

So, what will I do in the meantime? As ridiculous as I am, I'm going to be posting new demos for unreleased IFs. Mainly to have the option to jump around and not feel guilty for it. I've realized that I've been sorta holding myself back from doing the things I enjoy in fear of what others felt and thought as well with overworking myself. But I am coming to realize what is best for me as a writer and it's the ability to write when and wherever. So I've planned to move forward without feeling guilt.

Things I've been facing and fear for the future. The amount of access everyone has to me. As in a sense online and how easy it is to reach out to me. For one, I'm not upset or bothered by those reaching out and haven't received harassment or hate. But there are subtle demands from strangers that I have noticed and simply expect me to do, because I want to be super inclusive. Which is a huge difference from suggestions and asking kindly. They just demand it, and I'm still learning to regulate it.

With School. Right now, I'm fantastic at balancing school and work, simply because most of the chapters I've wrote and write happen in a large chunk so that's not something I'm worried about. I also don't got a job so there's that.

ON MORE POSITIVE NOTES:

—The Dragon's birthday past. Jan 1st. Now when they get a little drabble, idfk.

The One Year Anniversary of TSTT is a day before my birthday so that's also exciting!

I turn 19 next month!! (Which I feel a lot of people are unaware of.)

More IFs! More genres! I have a pretty much horror track record, that's definitely ain't gonna change, but with my future IF that I plan to share hopefully by the end of this month, I'm EXCITED.

FINAL NOTES:

I truly don't know what I have in store for 2024! But I do want to make the best of it. As always, I want to thank you for your neverending support and patience and I'm excited to share this year with you all!! Please do not worry about my mental or physical health, I swear, that I am an 100 out of 10.

[corneliushickey]

❌⛔️🎶 (^^)/

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

hmmmm i'm not a big trope writer i don't think! i don't often work within established fandom conventions/templates. i can swear to you that i will never ever write kidfic or pregnancy fic that doesn't end in messy late stage abortion.

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. ha. ha ha ha. i have dozens of these, yes. the one i'm most bummed about wrt it being in the permanent not-a-wip-anymore pile is a long david 8/elizabeth shaw gap filler fic between the end of prometheus (2012) and the backstory included in alien: covenant (2017). the premise was shaw refusing to re-attach david's head to his body, and david's mental functions slowing down and breaking and becoming unstable as he continued to drain fluid and exist as a severed head. shaw told him that she had to be able to forgive him before she put him back together, and the fic focused on the conversations they had about faith and consciousness and forgiveness as she mulled over her decision. all the while david's narration (it was his pov) was breaking into more and more cerebral and hard to follow image association as his more complicated processing routes shut down. i wrote a good chunk of it at the end of 2020 when i was going through a lot of personal crises and re-watching covenant basically every day. i wish i could finish it because i'm still very proud of the concept and the execution (of the part that exists) but it was a very technically dense fic that required a lot of research (david is way way way smarter than me) and though i still have the same amount of love for the franchise + the prequels specifically, i've never been able to get back into the headspace

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

i cannot listen to music that has any words/lyrics in it when i write so i usually end up looping the score to whatever fandom i'm writing for, since it's usually for movies or tv!! i listened to the substance score so much every track ended up in my spotify wrapped top tracks lmao. if the fandom doesn't have a score i'll usually throw on brown noise or nature sounds. for humoralism i listened to rushing river water and insect song since that was the background noise of the fic itself.

[stealingyourbones]

Ask the writer ask game! Tagged by @gremlin-bot

1.) how many works do you have on ao3?

8!

2.) what’s your total ao3 word count?

50k!

3.) what fandoms do you write for?

Primarily DPxDC but I enjoy writing DC and I greatly enjoy writing D&D campaigns!

4.) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Falling in Love (In the Most Literal Sense)

Short DPxDC Prompts

I've Grown a Mouth So Sharp and Cruel (It's All That I Can Give To You)

What the Hell?! (UP FOR ADOPTION)

Dream of a Peaceful Slumber

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I’m simply too busy with my tumblr to respond to people on ao3. If I try to focus on more than one website at a time I’ll lose my mind 😅. I promise I Look at each and every one!

6.) what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending

There’s a sander sides fic i wrote like 8 years ago that had all of the sides get slowly and very brutally murdered one by one in hella graphic detail. I was trying to experiment with descriptors and visuals at that time. Definitely that one. I don’t think it’s on ao3 but it’s somewhere on my old Wattpad account

7.) what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Definitely Falling In Love (In The Most Literal Sense) or an unpublished eldritch smut horror DeadOnMain fic that’s forever staying in WIP hell. Falling In Love first and foremost has an ending, secondly they get along and it’s cute :)

8.) do you get hate on fics?

Not really. I occasionally get questions or criticism on my tumblr but that’s either advice or someone wanting answers and that isn’t hate.

9.) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have tried my hand at smut before. Mostly smutty scenes with kinda sorta fade to black, solely because I’m terrible at painting a mental picture for the reader so it always flows terribly. I’ve written that eldritch DeadOnMain thing as I said previously, and some of Jason’s matches Malone persona OF ideas.

10.) do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one?

Somewhere in my WIPs there is a homestuck AU DPxDC fic where DP kids are the humans and DC folks (primarily the teen titans) are the trolls. Definitely that one.

11.) have you ever had a fic stolen?

No fics but I’ve been sent asks that are word for word one of my prompts. I just delete those and go on with my day. Idk I don’t have a tiktok and someone’s probably imitating me on there with my prompts so possibly????

12.) have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13.) have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes!! I’ve Grown A Mouth So Sharp And Cruel (It’s All That I Can Give To You My Dear) (eventually I’ll get around to working on it I have so much stuff going on like preparing to move and finals creeping up aUGH)

14.) what’s your all time fav ship?

Ooooo It’s a solid tie between Kon/Tim and Dave/Karkat. One is my current favorite and the other is one that’s been my favorite ship for the longest time.

15.) what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I have a WIP in my files that’s a DPxDC Dash/Danny fic where Dash is a bomb disposal tech and Danny just moved into Gotham. I have the entire outline written and almost a solid chapter done but I heavily doubt I’ll have the motivation to touch it again.

16.) what are your writing strengths?

I don’t think I have any, (I haven’t written a full length fic in so long I can’t really tell 😅) but I’m very good at setting tone. Idk what do y’all think?

17.) writing weaknesses?

Dialogue. 100% dialogue. It always feels clunky and unconversational whenever I read it back. I swear the second I start writing talking I forget how conversations work.

18.) thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I’d probably throw a simple word here in there of the other language if I’m writing a bilingual speaker or ask a pal to help me with translations because I only know English and I know damn well that friends are better translators than google.

19.) first fandom you wrote for?

Sander Sides! I wrote a solid 500ish prompts for that fandom and like 70k worth of fics. It was what got me into writing and for that I’m so very glad.

20.) Fav fic you’ve ever written?

Definitely my Batman mermaid au. I love it to bits and I’m so proud of the designs and I’m always kinda sad that I’m the only one as enthused about this work as I am. None the less I reread it at least every 3 months and it always makes me smile doing so.

Ooo who to tag… @chromatographic @halfagone @susiron

[fairydares]

Reminiscing on the Hard Road (A Gruvia Fic)

Rating: M

Summary: While on his way to a mission, Gray reflects on the hardships, tears, battles, and triumphs which led to him and Juvia finding their happiness together. (Or: the story of how they finally, officially got together told through memories).

AO3 Link ; FFNet Link

Words: ~8,000

Warnings: Please read with caution as this contains adult themes & situations (though nothing explicit). Also swearing and allusions to mental illness, dissociation and depression symptoms especially. Man this feels like the end of a drug commercial. Enjoy!

AN: I realized how long it'd been since I updated Chasing Tails and was feeling really bad about it. I'm so sorry, guys! I've just been really busy! I don't have time to get Chapter 5 up tonight, but I do have the time to share this Gruvia piece I wrote a while ago as a karmic sort of apology.

With that in mind, this is a bit of a rough, long one-shot. It comes from a chapter in a larger, mostly Nalu-focused fic which I may or may not ever actually finish writing. Sooo it's not even really a one-shot so much as it's, like, a segment of a chapter from one. I also barely had time to clean it up ever so slightly.

However, I thought Gruvia fans would appreciate anyway. Maybe one day, I'll write the whole thing because I honestly think it could be a story, or maybe a series of drabbles? This is all you kids get for now, though, lol. no fucks given (just kidding this will keep me up nights.)

o(O)o

Ignoring Natsu's whining about still being motion sick from beside him, Gray buried his hands in his pockets and let his eyes engage in their favorite past-time: roaming the curves of the blue-haired woman walking in front of him.

Him and Juvia had officially been together for over half a year, but his eyes still snagged on the same places they always had. The sway of her blue hair, now long enough to partly obscure the pinch of her waist and flare of her hips with each swish. The pretty, cute flush that lived on her cheeks as she listened attentively to Erza, who was chattering about a famous desert shop in the area. The way shadow and light shifted over the curve of her rear. And—forever his most favorite—the exposed skin of her legs. Long, toned, moon white...and fucking perfect.

Gray felt his cheeks heat, but couldn't find it in himself to drag his eyes away. The solidness and length of their relationship did absolutely nothing to diminish the novelty of her beauty, like he might once have feared it would. Instead, it hypnotized him more surely than ever. Noticing all the men drooling over her figure as they walked past, Gray was aware of the sting of possessiveness and annoyance which rose in his chest, but was also easily able to ignore it.

He was as comfortable as any guy with a stunning girlfriend could be in his own jealousy, these days. More shockingly, so was Juvia, a fact that was plain from the way she shot only perfunctory glares at the women eyeing him and whispering to each other as they passed.

As he stared at her back, his lips quirked ever so slightly. It had taken time, tears, and work—more work than he could ever have anticipated—to get to this point in their relationship. But work had never been more worth it.

His mind wandered to reminiscence. To where it had all started, when they had started, after the 100-Year Quest had ended and he'd finally—with Lucy, Levy, and Erza's help—managed to ask Juvia to be his girlfriend.

"Not just 'yours'," Levy had insisted, explaining that phrasing would confuse her. "Your girlfriend."

He'd actually fought them on it. Not really because he had a problem with commitment anymore (okay, it was a little embarrassing, but not too much) but because the words "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" felt ridiculous, considering everything they'd been through. How deeply he cared about her. For crying out loud, they'd tried to kill themselves for each other. He'd kill for her, die for her, and—most importantly—he would live for her. Beyond making his ears feel like they were going to melt off, the word "girlfriend" felt trite.

But when Lucy and Levy demanded to know if that meant he was going to propose, he'd balked. Actually, having the m-word shoved right up against his nose kind of made his soul flee his body. As ready as he was for a romantic relationship, he wanted to go through the actual experience of having one. Like, with all the steps involved. In order. He was at the point in his life that he wanted it more than anything.

More importantly, he wanted to give Juvia that experience. He was determined to do right by her.

With the girls' reality check, and the point they'd made that ambiguity might make Juvia jump to the wrong conclusion or even hurt her, they'd convinced him. He'd been committed to making his long-awaited confession as special for Juvia as possible, complete with saying any embarrassing words she wanted to hear.

Gray still hadn't felt worthy of the love she gave him. He still struggled to believe he was a man who could protect her. But after everything he'd been through during the 100-Year-Quest, seeing how much she'd missed him the whole time, and his talk with Juvina-sama, he'd understood it was completely unfair to ask Juvia to wait for him to decide he was worthy enough to love her openly. He also wasn't above admitting that Juvina-sama's suggestion that she wouldn't wait forever had disquieted some irrational part of him enough to make him antsy, impatient to make absolutely sure they were exclusive.

He'd been completely flustered throughout his confession, but known it had gone as right as it could. Lucy, Levy, and Erza—who thought they'd been slick, hiding in a nearby bush to watch him confess—had agreed. (Lucy had annoyed him to no end by teasing him over how "adorable" he'd been.)

And yet...Juvia's response hadn't been quite what Gray hoped. Lucy hadn't noticed it, but he had. He didn't know exactly when it had happened, but at some point, he'd learned to read the Water Mage like an open book. For how sincere a person she was—a trait he was all too familiar with—Juvia could also be surprising, even mysterious. As transient as water, with hidden depths you'd never know a thing about unless you were willing to dive beneath the surface.

When Gray confessed, he'd braced himself for joyous screaming. He'd planned to freeze a literal flood of tears before it could wash them both away. He'd been prepared to get a concussion from how hard she'd glomp him in the street. But while she had said yes, demurely accepted the roses, and hugged him plenty tight...her response had been subdued. In hindsight, he could see the pattern her reaction fit: the way her gaze had dropped to the street despite her happy flush, the hesitant, nervous gleam in her eyes, the limited verbal response.

The only times she'd ever acted that way had been when he actually reciprocated some of her affection. When he'd promised to give her a straight answer, after he defeated END. When he'd given her a one-armed hug and said he was glad her "body" was safe, after he'd saved her from that wood bastard.

Something had been wrong. But when the girls who'd spied on him only gushed afterwards, not seeming to have noticed anything off, he'd shrugged off his concerns, assuming it was his own lack of romantic literacy. He'd been nervous, but also really excited to learn.

But as their relationship officially began...it quickly became obvious that there was a problem, and that a one-sided approach to fixing it just wasn't going to cut it.

Juvia had always been prone to mood swings severe enough to make Gray's head spin, but as soon as they started dating, her mood seemed to sink. He'd try to ask her about it only for her to put on an obviously fake, cheery front and insist she was fine.

At first, he was sure it must be his fault. He'd had no idea what he was doing wrong. At that point, the guilt he felt for not taking Juvia's feelings seriously for so long, for abandoning her in Amefurashi Village, and for nearly letting her die in an attempt to save him had been taking a serious toll on him. The guilt had sometimes left him ragged. Every time she seemed down, he beat himself up and tried to do better. Talking, dates, spending time together (even when it meant ditching missions he really wanted to go on with the team), accepting her gifts and acting happy about them (no matter how much they creeped him out).

But the more he'd tried to make up for everything, the worse it seemed to get. He watched her frustration rise as he tried to be more openly affectionate, her denials that she was frustrated getting louder. More and more, she gave, but when he gave back, she'd look ready to explode or burst into tears.

What had made everything come to a head was the sex. A surprise in itself. For all the ways their relationship had suffered, sex had never been one of them. It'd started back in the cabin they shared in Amefurashi Village. From the first night they'd moved in together, Juvia had not-so-surprisingly tried to edge her way into Gray's bed constantly. She'd use excuses of cold weather, make puppy eyes, and sew nauseatingly pink coupley bed sheets to try to lure him (when, he still had no idea).

Meanwhile, he struggled more and more to pretend he didn't find (most of) her antics adorable. Not to mention incredibly tempting. Things escalated to where he'd feel his excitement rising towards the end of their daily training sessions, to the point his body became conditioned to react when he saw the damn sun set.

He also felt increasing dread at the notion of having to turn Juvia down—and for having to sneak out in the middle of every night to "take care" of the problem she always left him with (cold showers didn't exactly work for an Ice Wizard).

Finally, one night, she'd pouted and whined that she was sore from training and begged for a massage. Gray didn't know if it was the fact she was asking him for something instead of offering; the unbelievably cute, sparkly-eyed, hopeful glances she kept sneaking at him; or the fact he could tell she actually was sore from the way her face would pinch as she attempted to stretch provocatively in front of him, but his resolve had shattered.

Before he could think and without a word, he'd lifted his covers and held her gaze, not bothering to hide the dark promise in his eyes.

Her reaction had been priceless. He'd never forget it.

His acceptance seemed to knock the breath straight out of her. Her eyes had gone round as saucers, staring into his eyes like she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her cheeks had darkened. She'd stood stunned for so long that he'd started to get nervous, wondering if she'd only been being playful all this time, not really meaning to come on to him or maybe not expecting him to ever accept. But just as he'd been trying to field the disappointment sinking his heart and trying to think of how to promise he wouldn't do anything she didn't want, she'd hesitantly approached the bed, trembling.

After giving her the massage she'd asked for, he'd rewarded her bravery three times over.

After that, for the very first time, the dynamic of their relationship shifted in one, important way—the one which would force him to finally confront his own heart:

In terms of their physical relationship, he became the more dominant one. In this one aspect of their shared life, he chased. Gray flustered Juvia. He hadn't been able to get enough. What had once been a relentless, one-sided pursuit (one where she had, admittedly, been gaining on him without his notice) became a dance which had addicted him before he knew it.

The notion of reciprocating her feelings had once had him running for the hills. So it had been a huge shock to learn just how much he liked it.

She was so obviously happy and disbelieving that first time he slipped her clothes off in the moonlit dark, cursing over her beauty. Utterly awestruck when he'd seen to her pleasure (twice, he still liked to remember proudly) before even considering his own. Sex was the first time he heard her speak in the first-person, the first time she said his name without adding "-sama" (since that battle in the rain, anyway.)

It was when he lost himself in her soft skin, her passion, and her pleasure that some part of him was able to accept the truth she'd had the grace to surrender to from the very beginning.

The shift in their sex life was also when he'd started to twig something wasn't right between them. After Alvarez was when he'd started it back up. His plan had been to wait until he was able to reciprocate her feelings verbally, like he'd promised, but almost losing her had broken him in a way some part of him would never truly recover from. Between that and his final, full acceptance of his own feelings, there'd been no restraining himself. He'd come onto her with all the subtlety of a freight train the second they were alone.

Even then, something hadn't been quite right. She hadn't been herself, quiet enough that—even as...compromised as his critical thinking skills had been, at the time, and even in his heightened emotional state—he'd noticed. He'd pulled back and asked if she was okay, but when her response had simply been to drag him back in for a kiss that made his knees weak, he'd taken it as a yes and matched her passion enthusiastically.

She kept staying quiet in bed. It bothered the hell out of him, and he badgered her about it more than once, but would ultimately let it go when she insisted she was fine. In his defense, there had been a lot of reasons she could've become subdued. They had just fought a war. They were all exhausted from fixing the town and working to build peace in Fiore.

But after the 100-Year Quest and after his confession, she got even weirder. He noticed it all the time, in every aspect of their relationship, but it was especially noticeable in bed, when they were so close to each other, both completely vulnerable.

When they'd cohabitated, he'd almost always been the one to start something. He'd enjoyed that. He'd even (hell, especially) enjoyed the way she'd flirt, pretend to be oblivious to his advances, pout and blush and make him impress her, coax him to the brink of losing his mind before finally caving to both of their desires. Those times where he went from prey to predator had balanced their entire relationship, satisfying both of them.

Gray wasn't some slimeball who needed sex, but he did need some balance in their dynamic. The private, physical side of their relationship was just where it'd happened to play out. It could've played out anywhere in their relationship, if they were off sex for a while for whatever reason.

But as soon as they became official, it became clear she'd fight tooth and nail to make sure that never happened.

She came onto him. Every. Single. Time. He'd been a little surprised, but happy enough. At first. But as he pushed her to talk to him harder and she denied louder, he'd started to guess that something was genuinely, really wrong.

She didn't speak in the first-person when they were intimate, any more. She didn't drop the "-sama." Even worse, he started to suspect she was seducing him even when she wasn't really in the mood. Almost like she felt like she had to.

It had been one such time when he finally flipped his shit. Even now, walking behind her and appreciating her curves, the memory made his mood falter a little.

He regretted how he'd handled things. It shamed him to remember how he'd all but shoved her off him and refused to do anything else with her until she was ready to tell him whatever the hell was going on inside that crazy, watery head of hers. It was an ultimatum. A cruelly-put one, at that. He hadn't realized just how hurt and angry he was until the words flew out of his mouth.

Juvia had opened up, alright.

In fact, she'd exploded.

They'd screamed at each other, horrible things Gray could hardly stand to repeat even in his own head. She'd demanded that he quit wasting both their time and leave her again, like they both knew he would. He'd asked how stupid she could be to think he'd do that, when he was obviously dedicated enough to put up with her psycho stalker gifts. She'd retorted that her "psycho stalker gifts" didn't seem to have any affect on his libido. He'd yelled that she was the one jumping his bones, ever since he'd asked her out. She'd said that was because she actually cared about his happiness, implying that was something he'd never understand.

She'd ended the black, ugly fight with four hoarse words that ripped his heart out of his chest: "This is over, Gray-sama!"

His apartment door had slammed behind her.

He'd been too shocked and devastated to do anything but watch her go, not even managing to stagger to the door and chase after her until she was long-gone. Black curse power had swirled across his skin as he pelted to the guild, growling in frustration when he didn't find her there. Then he'd run all the way to the female dorms at Fairy Hills only to be deterred by Erza, who met him at the gate. She hadn't known anything about his and Juvia's fight, but she'd been drawn by his yelling.

His older sister figure had knocked him out "for his own good."

The next afternoon, Gray had woken up in his own bed. Not bothering to see if he was dressed (it would turn out he wasn't) he'd booked straight to the guild only to be devastated by the news that Juvia had taken a long-term S-class quest just that morning, news which was delivered by a sympathetic Mira.

Sure that it was over, that he'd ruined everything, he'd drunk himself sick—then kept drinking, swinging fists at anyone and everyone who tried to console him until, finally, in the wee hours of the next morning, Gajeel managed to knock him out of it.

The hostility, Gray had expected. Gajeel was Juvia's best friend; of course he was angry to learn that Gray had done something to upset her so much, she'd left for a Quest that could take months or even years to finish without so much as a word to Gajeel or any of their other comrades.

What did surprise Gray was the understanding Gajeel eventually showed.

Gray got his ass knocked flat by the Iron Dragon Slayer. From his back on the ground, he started to spit out what happened. With each word, the larger man had visibly calmed. After enough had come out, he'd awkwardly helped Gray to his feet (his own, gruff brand of apology.) He'd helped Gray sober up, then he'd given him a pep talk.

He'd refused to explain his own guesses as to what was going on with Juvia, insisting "who knows what goes on in that water witch's head." But he'd also insisted that whatever was going on, it for damn sure wasn't what Gray thought, which was that he'd hurt her too badly for her to love him anymore.

"She's obsessed with you," the man had said, scowling in disgust. "She's always been obsessed with you. She's way too stubborn to let it go that easy. It's annoying."

By six AM, Gajeel Redfox—of all people—had talked Gray into chasing after the love of his life. He'd even used his Iron Magic to create a lockpick which got them into the archive room, where they'd found Mira's records...and Juvia's location.

He'd barely had the time to register the irony of her quest's location before he was gone, shooting Gajeel a gruff "thanks" over his shoulder and running home to pack.

It'd been raining when he finally walked into Amefurashi Village.

He hadn't consciously known where to start looking when he arrived, but his feet—following some combination of muscle memory and the fate he'd fought for so long—had carried him to the place where the word "home" had changed for him: the cabin he and Juvia had shared. Where they'd grown together. Taken care of each other.

Where he'd left her. Hurt her. Even if most of the reason to do so was because he wanted to protect her, he couldn't stop hating himself for that.

She was standing outside the place, drenched and shivering, when he got there. As if sensing his arrival as surely as he'd known where to find her, Juvia had turned to look at Gray with eyes that were glassy above flushed cheeks. She'd wavered on her feet.

As soon as she'd whispered his name, she'd toppled. Gray's bag had landed in a puddle with a splashy thunk. He'd lunged to catch her like his life depended on it.

Shouting her name had earned him no response, but pressing the back of his hand to her forehead had been enough to convince him that she had a seriously high fever.

Strangely, as worried as he'd been about her, he hadn't even thought to bring her back to Wendy or seek a nearer healer. In hindsight, he was sure that deep down, he'd realized it would do no good; she wasn't physically ill, but heartsick, just as he was. He'd felt lower than the mud gathering around his boots.

He'd been surprised to discover that he had to break into their old home, and rapidly deduced that Juvia hadn't been staying at their old cabin even though she'd been standing outside of it, both from that fact and the fact that none of her stuff was there.

As soon as he lay her in the bed which had once been his before becoming theirs, she'd begun shivering. For the first time in his life, Gray cursed that he was an Ice Wizard instead of a Fire Wizard.

He'd run outside, grabbed his bag, then come back in—only to curse again when he unclasped the bag only to discover that all its contents were soaked. Thinking quickly, he'd stripped his wet clothes, then hers. He'd climbed into bed with her.

"'M sorry, Gray-sama..." she'd slurred her sleep. "Juvia's so sorry...Juvia had to...I just had to..."

He'd shushed her, rubbing her arms to try to warm her up. "It's okay, Juvia. I know, my love. It's okay..."

He'd kept holding her and whispering soft comfort to her until she'd finally stopped shivering, at which point his frantic worry had abated enough that he could fully admit to himself how good it felt to have her in his arms, her skin against his. How warm she was. How perfectly she fit against him. How much he missed her. She was right there, as close as another person could ever be to him. Yet with how things had been between them lately and how lost she was to fever, he'd never felt further away.

Apparently, he'd fallen asleep at some point, because when he awoke, it was to the rising sun blazing at him from the center of the cabin window. Ignoring his body's reaction to waking up in the arms of the very naked, beautiful woman he happened to be in love with, Gray had instantly dropped his hand to Juvia's forehead, sighing in relief when it became clear her fever had reduced. She wasn't better, but she was getting there.

Quickly figuring out what needed done, he'd dropped a tender kiss to her warm forehead, murmuring a threat against her sweaty hairline: "You'd better not even think of running away again, crazy woman. We are going to talk when I get back."

Gray had dressed, glanced back, and left. He'd met up with he client—a rich and unfortunately good-looking asshole about Gray's age who was way too disappointed Juvia, herself, wasn't the one who'd shown up. Through gritted teeth, Gray informed the bastard it would be a couple days before he and his partner (he was sure to emphasize those words several times) would be able to begin investigating the dark guild threatening the area, as she'd fallen ill.

It annoyed him to no end that the creep seemed genuinely concerned about this, trying to insert himself, demand to see her, and attempting to coax Gray into revealing her location (Gray couldn't help the pleasure and hope which rose in his chest, when he learned she hadn't told this guy wherever it was she was staying; obviously, she'd had no interest in sharing that information.)

The client had thrown a rich boy tantrum when Gray refused to tell him anything, but ultimately let him go when Gray promised Juvia would be there in a couple days (not bothering to mention that he would absolutely be there, too.)

He'd gone to pick up medicine and food. He'd grabbed all the ingredients he could remember for something hearty, mild, and delicious she used to make him when they lived together, a chicken stew that tasted like something he could remember from childhood. Those ingredients, medicine, ginger tea...anything he could think of that might help her feel better, he purchased, barely noting price.

Juvia had been waiting on the porch wrapped only in a blanket when he returned, flushed with both fever and anger.

They'd both been pissed at each other. While Gray locked horns with Juvia's amorous creep of a client, she had apparently been discovered by the landlord who owned their old cabin and only barely managed to talk him out of his anger, ultimately having to pay double their old monthly rent to keep him from calling the authorities—all while wrapped only in a blanket.

A brief yelling match had ensued. It ended when Juvia began coughing rather violently, Gray dropping his groceries in the mud to run to her. Even as she insisted she was fine, he'd ushered her into the cabin, forcing her to sit before he went back out to grab the food he'd bought.

Her face had gone funny when he began grouchily unloading chicken, rice, broth, veggies, and herbs. When he (somewhat defensively) asked what the hell she was staring at, she'd haltingly asked if he'd bought all of that for her. Exasperated, he'd told her of course he had, she'd had him worried sick.

The groceries had been abandoned when she burst into tears.

It had taken several minutes of heart-wrenching sobs on Juvia's part and coaxing on Gray's for the conversation to actually begin.

During their ugly fight in his apartment, she'd exploded.

Here, in the lonely home they'd once shared, she imploded.

While the groceries thawed and dripped on the kitchen counter, Juvia sobbed the whole, messy, painful truth into his chest. She told him everything. She told him how, deep down, she'd always known she wasn't worthy of having her love reciprocated by him. It had been true from the moment they'd met, when she'd been part of Phantom Lord, but remained true no matter how long she'd been at Fairy Tail. That was how she'd put it: "I always knew I wasn't worthy of Gray-sama's love." Not only because of her past, but because of how annoying she was. How gloomy. How creepy and obnoxious.

Gray hadn't even had time to express his horror at the fact she thought those things before she'd been plowing on, her tears only getting thicker and her words only making his heart sink lower.

She said knowing she didn't deserve his love had turned to knowing she didn't deserve to love him at all, when she'd killed Keyes to free Gray's father from his undead life. But even though "Gray-sama had been wonderful enough to forgive Juvia," she'd continued to hate herself, deep down.

She told him that sharing a life in the cabin they were currently in had, for her, been the sweetest kind of torture. That she'd never been so happy—and never felt more undeserving. For the first time, she told him that she'd only had one lover before Gray, some piece of shit named "Bora" who'd never cared about her or her pleasure. Gray had been nothing like him, attentive, caring, and as invested in her pleasure as he was in his own. At first, feeling so cared for had been as overwhelming as it was amazing, but by the time Gray started to pull away from her for his mission, the overwhelmed feelings had slowly begun to fade, letting her forget everything but the happiness she felt with him.

Juvia told him that the day he abandoned her to infiltrate Avatar, everything which she'd started to believe could feel right began to feel wrong, and everything which had felt wrong began to feel right. She'd never felt she deserved to be loved by Gray the way she loved him. Being left by him had, in a horrible way, made her feel like the world was how it was supposed to be.

But it had also ripped her apart.

It had destroyed any confidence she'd begun to gain in herself.

She told him that she resented being abandoned. Resented not being told about his mission to infiltrate a Dark Guild, not just because of their relationship, but because she had once been in a Dark Guild, and could potentially have helped his and Erza's Mission. She'd not only felt betrayed on a personal level, but disrespected as a Mage with no small amount of skill and experience.

It was a side to the issue which he had, shameflly, never considered.

He was mortified when she'd finally let herself chastise him for this—especially when he'd tried to defend himself by bringing up details of his mission only to be instantly struck down and ripped apart by someone who was, in fact, very obviously more knowledgeable about the inner workings of Dark Guilds than either he or Erza ever had been. Hell, Juvia could probably have run the mission almost as well as Jellal had.

For the first time, he saw just how beneficial it would have been to have her on board, despite Erza urging him not to get her involved. He should've gone against her orders, asked forgiveness instead of permission. Over the course of that one conversation, it was clear that having her on board would have shortened the length of their mission by probably several months.

But worse than the benefits they'd missed out on, in infiltrating Avatar, worse than the fact that she resented him, was her admission that she hated herself for that resentment.

She'd apologized. So many times. Too many times to count. Each apology was another crack in Gray's heart. He'd tried to ask her to stop, but they'd just kept slipping out anyway. It was like she couldn't help it.

She'd told him that over time, as she got to know the other women in Fairy Tail—Lucy, Cana, and Levy—she'd realized just how unworthy she was of the care Gray held for even just his friends. She just hadn't been forced to confront her own lacking sense of self-worth...until he openly reciprocated her feelings.

She said that the second he confessed, part of her felt wrong. Like she'd donned someone else's skin—someone who was worth being loved by Gray. Her guilt, her knowledge that she wasn't worthy of him, her bitterness, her self-hatred...all of it had come rushing to the surface.

She told him that, as unworthy as she'd felt, she'd been too selfish to reject him. Too angry at the thought of him being with someone else. Her own selfishness made her feel even worse than before. She'd been determined to be worthy of him, and so she had sought to pay every ounce of love he gave her three times over. At least.

It hadn't made her feel any better. No matter how hard she tried to be sure to pay him back, every time Gray took her on a date or made love to her, it made her skin crawl, because she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve his love, his affection, or even his attention. He deserved better, and she was nowhere close to deserving him. She never would be.

If there had been even one last, single sliver of a doubt as to how he felt about this woman, it died then and there. Nothing—not his own guilt, being screamed at, or being broken up with—nothing could hurt worse than being made aware of what a hard time she was having. Learning just how badly she'd been dissociating during all their most precious moments. How much pain she was in. How little she thought of herself. How deep her scars ran.

He'd have given anything to take her pain away. He'd have given anything to change it. Right then, he couldn't think of a single thing he wouldn't have done to make her see herself as he saw her: the energetic, caring, fierce Mage he'd come to know. The woman who always eclipsed everything else for just a second, the first time he saw her every day.

He'd wanted to tell her all that, and more. He wanted to apologize. He'd wanted to tell her how badly he missed her after he'd left her here, that this place had been home for him, too. He'd wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, that no day without her smile even felt real, but his voice had been stuck behind a lump of misery and all he'd been able to do, for a very long time, was lay in their bed and hold her while she cried the rest of it out. He wasn't too ashamed to admit he lost a couple tears in her hair, too.

Over the twilight of time it had taken for her sobs to turn hoarse, then to whimpers, then sniffles, guilt, emotional exhaustion, an anguish washed over Gray in their turn.

Until finally, he hardened all of those feelings into resolve.

"I'm really thankful that you're here. For always being beside me..."

Those were the words Gray had said to her before Alvarez, and he'd meant them. For years, Juvia had done nothing but be there for him. Even when he didn't want her there, she stayed right next to him, quietly piecing together his heart and his trust. It killed him that the woman who'd confronted him with her love, made him face down his own weakness, always thought of him, and helped him so much more than he could ever truly thank her for had been hiding so much of her own pain. He wished she would have told him any of this all the times he'd pushed and asked.

But he couldn't blame her for that. Maybe she hadn't opened up to him before then, but her mentions of her days in Phantom and of that shithead ex of hers had driven home, with stark clarity, a realization he wished he'd made a lot sooner: Juvia didn't know how to open up like Gray had tried to demand, because she hadn't grown up somewhere like Fairy Tail.

Unlike Gray and Natsu and the others, she hadn't been taught to bare her pain, hadn't always known there would be someone to listen to her, cry with her, be on her side. While Gray had been fought, teased, and accepted for exactly who he was (more often his whole self than not) Juvia had been abandoned by every single person in her life except Gajeel and those who'd wanted to use her for their own ends. Gray abandoning her had only confirmed what she'd been taught was inevitable.

But the Ice Mage wouldn't linger on that. He wouldn't give any more time to despair.

It was his turn now, he realized. His turn to stay beside her even when it was hard, and do the work. Now, he just had to figure out how. But while he'd been trying to do that, had been gathering his words, Juvia had recovered enough to speak once more.

She'd apologized again. She'd told him that she knew this was too much, that all of this was too much...that she was too much. For the times they'd shared, she thanked him quietly, eyes bright with yet more tears and refusing to meet his as she continued that she'd had to let Gray go because she wanted him to be happy, and she'd finally, finally realized she could never do that for him, not really. Then she'd tried to push him away, and as Gray had tightened his grip, he'd realized he didn't need to figure out what to do, what to say, or how to love her.

She'd been showing him all along.

After a deep breath, the words had come low, and easier than he'd thought. He told her she was right, all of this was a lot...but also that he was so, so happy she'd finally told him what was really going on. He'd been as gentle as possible when he told her he could see how difficult and scary it had been for her to open up about all this and that he was proud of how brave she'd been for doing so, but she'd started crying again anyway, so he'd had to carry on with a shakier, hoarser voice.

He'd apologized. For everything. For not taking her feelings seriously for so long, for not seeing her when she needed to be seen, for leaving her behind and hurting her so badly she'd gotten sick. He hadn't been dismissing her abilities as a Mage so much as he'd been trying to protect her, but that was no excuse. "High-handed and cruel" was a generous way to describe his behavior, and he finally saw that. He'd told her that if he could take it back, he would. But he couldn't. He could only promise to never, ever leave her like that again, and he was more than ready to make that promise. He had been for a long time, since well into the 1oo Years Quest. If she'd only give him another chance, he'd show her.

At this point, Juvia had obviously started to twig that this conversation wasn't going to go how she planned, with Gray accepting she was too burdensome and unworthy for him and leaving her alone like everyone else had left her, because she'd started kicking up a fuss, forcing him to hold her there again.

"Let Juvia go, Gray-sama!" she'd demanded shakily, sounding like she was barely clinging to her determination. But Gray had refused. He refused to let her go like this, not until she'd heard him out.

As brief as the ensuing argument had been, it was also one of the most frustrating conversations Gray had ever taken part in (and he'd fought Natsu on basically every cock-and-bull-ass plan he'd ever come up with.)

He'd tried desperately to insist that while Juvia could be creepy and he did find rain somewhat gloomy, she was not worthless or annoying or obnoxious. He'd tried to tell her that she did make him happy. He'd tried to tell her how he felt about her.

Juvia had not responded well.

A wall had slammed up in her eyes, the same blank one he'd met on that fateful, rainy day so long ago. As she'd kept denying, and he'd kept pushing, their voices had gotten louder. Eventually, Gray had realized it was raining outside the window next to their bed again, and that was the one thing that had forced him to take a step back from his own frustration. Lucky, because if he hadn't, he might have flown off the handle and ruined everything all over again.

Looking down at her, he'd forced himself to cool off and realized he was being unfair; he was asking her to take an entire journey in one leap, to unlearn a lifetime's-worth of lessons about her own worthlessness over the course of a single conversation. No one could do that. It was an unreasonable thing to ask.

And so, when he'd finally gathered his wits and perspective enough, he'd said, "You don't have to agree with me. You don't have to agree with my feelings for you. But you have to believe that they're real...and you have to at least consider my side."

Juvia's eyes had gone wide. As they regained their sparkle, he'd refused to break eye contact. Slowly, the rain had stopped, leaving them in the silent hut.

After what felt like years, she'd shakily whispered, "O-okay."

And Gray had known that they were finally, finally getting somewhere.

Quietly and slowly, with their hands intertwined between their chests and their foreheads pressed together, they'd pieced together a fragile plan. They would stay together and be as they had been, but from now on, they were both going to make a concerted effort to be honest and rebuild trust. Gray started by admitting that missing out on Quests with his team had really started to bum him out, and while this seemed to sadden Juvia at first, she admitted after some thought that in being with Gray, she hadn't been nurturing her own friendships with her friends like Gajeel and Meredy. Lucy had also asked for help training her in Water Magic, and Juvia had declined so far even though she was interested in having someone to teach.

Gray had encouraged all of this...and he'd encouraged her to visit Porlyusica, too, when they got home. The old lady was hardly a Mental Healer, but she'd hopefully be able to help them find someone who was, someone objective and removed from the situation who Juvia could talk to openly. One thing which had sunk in fully for Gray over the course of Juvia's heartrending speech was that it was going to take a lot of time, work, and love to get Juvia to a better place. There was no way the two of them could do it alone.

They'd talked and planned until their voices were hoarse...and then they'd not talked for even longer. Juvia once again dropped the "-sama." She let him come to her. She didn't just surrender herself to him the way she had when they had each other before in their cabin, she'd given him even more—in his arms, she'd bared a small and precious part of herself Gray had never even realized she hid from him.

Over the course of the month they spent in that cabin, he'd cherished everything she gave him more than most men could've in twice the amount of time. How they'd managed to deal with that Dark Guild months and months ahead of schedule, he would never understand, because his head had never been less in the game. Neither of them had been able keep their hands off each other for more than an hour when they were alone together.

Neither had been particularly disappointed when that crotchety old landlord refused to give them back any part of their months' rent. Instead, they'd stayed till June was up breaking the place in thoroughly.

"It's payback for him being a jackass to you!" Gray had once playfully defended against her neck, pinning her against the kitchen counter and grinning as she gigglingly scolded him.

He only prayed no one ever took a UV Lacrima to the inside of that place. They'd go blind. He'd taken her on the couch, over it, against the walls, on the counters and tables, and in more positions than he'd previously known existed in that bed. When they returned home, a bunch of people had pointed out that they both looked like they'd lost weight. Gray didn't doubt it, after all the—

"...seriously, none of you know what it's like, every time we travel...OI, STRIPPER, YOU MAYBE WANNA QUIT EYE-FUCKING YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHEN WE'RE IN PUBLIC, YOU GODDAMN PERVERT?!"

The absolute last voice Gray wanted to hear when he was thinking about such great, intimate things yanked him out of his reflections in the most unpleasant of ways. An expression crossed between a scowl and a grimace consumed his features.

"Gray-sama!?" Juvia spluttered, craning her neck to peer at them over her shoulder with wide eyes. She looked half-scolding, half...affected as her cheeks went rose red.

Gray felt his own face grow hot as he turned to glare furiously at the pink-haired, disgusted-and-disgusting-looking bane of his existence.

"Would you keep your voice down, Dragon Boy?! I was not 'eye-fucking' Juvia!" His cheeks burned hotter as an elderly woman passing by shot him a deeply disapproving look.

"The hell you weren't!" Natsu snapped, drawing even more attention. "I could see all your gross, perverted thoughts right there in those droopy eyes of yours!"

"ARGH! So what?!" Gray just wanted this fight to be over, and figured that sort of admitting to what he'd been doing was the quickest way to make that happen. "Can't a guy even look at his girlfriend without pink-haired, flame-brained losers getting involved?!"

"THE HELL YOU JUST CALL ME?!"

"OH, SO YOU'RE DEAF AS WELL AS BRAINLESS, NOW?!"

"THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD IT! YOU'RE DEAD, YOU ICY BAS—"

"That's enough."

Uncharacteristically subdued and uninvolved though Erza's command was, it was enough to have both Natsu and Gray cringing and sweating in fear almost instantly.

"A-aye!" they squeaked, then sighed in relief as she shot them one last glare and clanked away.

"Ah, it always goes this way." Happy folded his little blue sausage arms over his chest and tsked. "If only Gray had kept his perverted eyes on himself, we wouldn't even be talking about this."

"And just how the heck is one supposed to 'keep their eyes on themselves', huh?" Gray growled up at the floating Exceed.

"By not being you, apparently!" he cackled back, Natsu soon joining him in his obnoxious guffawing.

"Why, you—! Get back here, you little shit!" Gray made a random grab at the little creep only to curse as he missed his tail by about a centimeter.

Meanwhile, Juvia clasped her still-red cheeks with her hands and donned an all-too-familiar, starry-eyed expression. "Juvia does not mind at all if Gray-sama...covets Juvia in public! How Juvia adores Gray-sama's passion!"

Gray flinched as if he'd been whipped in the back. In a second flat, he was blushing again. "O-oi, Juvia—!" he started, scrambling to find a way to get her to calm down before she came onto him in public.

(Again.)

"However," she continued before he figured out how to distract her, turning to look at him with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "If Gray-sama is going to covet Juvia on a public street, Juvia thinks he should at least wear clothes."

"Wha—?! CRAP!" Gray shouted as soon as he realized he'd stripped down to his boxers. "When did that happen!?"

Juvia wrinkled her nose cutely and giggled while he scrambled for his clothes. When he was finally yanking his jacket on, he shot her a playful glare only for his lips to quirk when she winked and sauntered after Erza.

That little...she'll get it later, he thought with a huff before shoving his hands in his pockets and strolling after her. He was well aware that he was full-on grinning, now, and didn't care in the slightest.

Little interactions like that...those were the fruits of all the hard work they—especially Juvia—had done when they got back from that S-Class mission. Gray had been prepared for it to be grueling and difficult, to fight. "Relationships take work" was a piece of advice he'd heard plenty, since he started asking for advice about how to love Juvia.

But what he'd never expected to find was that, while it was hard sometimes, it was work he was all too willing and capable of doing, because it was for her. For them. And what no one had told him was that, while loving someone meant their pain became yours, it also meant that their triumphs became yours, too.

Some days had been worse than others. Even though she'd been talking to a friend of Porlyusica's and made an impressive effort to spend more times with her friends, there were moments where Gray had felt like Juvia was back at square one. But he'd been there beside her, encouraging her every step of the way while she healed, learned that he wouldn't leave her again, learned that she was worth all of it. And slowly but surely, she'd healed.

That was what no one had told him: that every time she huffed at him to do his own laundry, teased him, sassed him into taking her on a real date, and even turned him down for sex, that he would feel such a huge rush of pride and triumph.

It was true that the road had been hard, but Gray had walked it with Juvia, and that had made every step worth it.

o(O)o

AN: Ah, sorry I don't have the time to edit this now and make it more cohesive! Also that I can't publish my next chapter of Chasing Tails just yet! I definitely, definitely will come back to edit this piece one day and make it better after I've done that. In the meantime, Happy Belated Gruvia Day!

P.S.: Fun Fact! I named this partly after one of my all-time favorite fics from a completely different fandom. The Hard Road by wthtonibelle, a Kacchako fic (from the My Hero Academia fandom) which is written in a similar way and has similar themes, only it's longer and better lol. check it out if you're so inclined!

[zerolostwalks]

For the writer's truth or dare: 🍓🌵🎲🦷

Thank you Thank you!! ^_^

(Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game)

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

There are two origin stories (because I took a bit of a hiatus)

So the first time I started was back when I was into Invader Zim and was getting frustrated at the ZaGr fics I was finding. So I wrote a couple of my own. (Screw it, gonna go ahead and link them, why the hell not?) Anyway, life happened. Moved, had a kid, etc etc. The drive to write fanfiction sort of disappeared and I focused on original ideas though most of those didn't head anywhere Then, I discovered Julie and the Phantoms, and I got an idea that haunted me for weeks(months?). However, I was adamant I wasn't going to go back to writing fanfiction(for some reason). But then I got some time off work, and decided to let myself indulge for only that period I was off work. Needless to say, this was not what happened.

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

It's not a spotify playlist but this one.

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time? 

Right now? My own brain mostly. A lot of life stuff has happened since October. While I was already dealing with burnout before then, things got a whole heck of a lot worse these past few months. For almost a month I legit had like no creative ideas coming to me. Started doing more mental health stuff, but still struggling with some serious negative thinking (a lot of 'what even is the point?' etc etc) that's been a big hurdle.

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

Keep a positivity quotes notebook. I put all sorts of good quotes and mental health advice in mine. It's great for just day to day mental health preventative maintenance. Then on more dire days it's extremely helpful to review and look back on.

[sarcasticsciencefictionwriter]

Hey! emoji asks game, 🙌🌠🍎🥘 (❓for this one I’m really intrigued with your As Below, So Above fic and would love to know more, you can share anything you want (e.g. how you came up with the idea, a snippet, was you listening to music at the time when you wrote it, anything like that.)

Hi! Thanks so much!

🙌What's a line or paragraph of yours that you're proud of?

Oh no, this question again! 😆 I swear, every ask hit this one today.

From Enigmatic Confections, because it's my favorite and I'm tired and lazy.

"No wonder you hate me." Nikola said bitterly. "Not anymore." Helen insisted. "Hating you--" "Which I deserved." "Was easier. Then I built more on top of it, with our rivalry."

It's a favorite because it was a huge emotional journey and reveal up to this and one of the original bits that I wrote for the story. It was really the springboard for Helen and Nikola's dynamic in the entire story, so it's a favorite.

🌠What are your top three most commonly used tags on AO3?

Fluff, Alternate Universe, Friendship (Flufftober 2023 is 100% responsible for the fluff tag)

🍎What's something you learned while researching for a fic?

Hmm. Off the top of my head, I can't actually think of a lot that I've researched for a fic. 😅

I did learn that it's possible to have excessive amount of amniotic fluid during pregnancy and that can be harmful, but not necessarily. (I was researching pregnancy complications)

🥘What wip are you most excited about?

I'm torn between "Hold My Hand (It's A Long Way Down)" aka Henry + the Cabal is a cult and my long Ranna fic.

The Henry one is newer and is very intriguing for me to tackle and it's going to be painful at points, but I'm really looking forward to really delve into. I'm also writing it in the present tense, which is something I don't usually do.

My Ranna fic is a very big passion project of mine and I've written lore for Praxis and how life is there and I really like what I have. And I love Ranna's character a lot, so it's a very interesting piece to explore.

❓(for this one I’m really intrigued with your As Below, So Above fic and would love to know more, you can share anything you want (e.g. how you came up with the idea, a snippet, was you listening to music at the time when you wrote it, anything like that.)

As Below, So Above, thank you!!! (I do fully intend to continue and finish this story, it's just kind of taken the back burner to other stories and my mental health recently)

I came with the idea through a series of things. I love Ranna's character and the Pavor Nocturnus and the line that started it came from this ask game. I brought those things together after seeing the "colorless" prompt for AU-August.

I was probably listening to music when I wrote the first chapter, but for the life of me I can't remember what it might have been. I think I was looking for songs for it and I never settled on anything. (This is actually really bugging me, because I *know* I was listening to something, but for the life of me I cannot remember what it was).

Here's a snippet from chapter two, which I've been working on on and off for a while!

They were both silent, Ranna stepping more confidently through the darkness than she did the streets above, feeling herself relaxing because this felt more like home than anything else, even though Praxis's streets hadn't been all that different than the ones on the surface. But knowing that she was underground was comforting, even if she thought about the men behind them, the men that had wanted to do things so horrible to them that Ranna knew she couldn't even conjure everything they would have done. Fallon was flagging, that taste of danger robbing her of strength, though it was no where near the first time they'd faced deadly danger. Usually it was rabisu, admittedly. Rarely had it been a pack of men. But they couldn't stay here and Ranna had never been one for much comfort towards anyone. Fallon was her chief council, emissary of Kali, one of the greatest forces of their world. She needed to remember that and she needed to act like it. Those things hadn't gone away since their city had fallen and they had come to the surface. Perhaps if Ranna had said those words, they would have been helpful. But she didn't, instead pressing her lips together tightly as they continued to the next station. She did boost Fallon up on to the platform when they reached it, because the platforms were high enough to be difficult in general, then clambered up herself. She surveyed their options. "Shall we continue underground or return to the surface?" she asked crisply, looking at Fallon's pale face . She didn't think that Fallon was going to be able to make herself go much further without a break, but she wanted to put as much distance between them and the men as possible. And she needed Fallon to remember her place as her council. "Underground for another station or two." "Which way, then?" Ranna prompted. There were three options open to them, since the platform was double sided. "Which way is north?" Fallon finally asked, after far too long in silence. Ranna pulled the compass out and Fallon a flashlight, shining it on the face so she could see. "That way." She snapped it shut as she gestured, tucking it away again. "Then we go that way." Fallon hesitated for a moment and Ranna had the feeling that she wasn't going to get anymore decisions out of her right now, so she walked to the other side of the platform and dropped down.

__ I could ramble about my half-formed ideas for this story, but as stated above, kind of tired at the moment. But it's really going to delve into Ranna's character, her and Fallon's relationship, and survival, which I am very pleased about.

I am also going to include flashbacks to show what things were like in Hollow Earth and Praxis before they left.

But getting this question really makes me want to review what I have and maybe start working on it again soon, so thank you!!

[angelanimedesaray]

🍄🍓🎲

AAAH!!! HELLO!!! I always see you in my feed, I wasn't expecting you in my inbox, but I'm happy to see you here XD

Sooo, the questions. Yes. I am so sorry these are so long, I can't be short and sweet and to the point for anything, I swear, it's always just word vomit and -- I'm rambling again, let's get to it hahaha XD

🍄 A Headcanon for one of my favorite ships/Pairings. Sooooo I don't have a favorite ship/pairing, not really, for the AOT fandom, I'm just kind of vibing over here with most of them XD I'll enjoy Erwin/Levi Content one second, scroll two more posts down and oogle over a Hange/Levi, and then gasp and jealously drink in an OC/Levi art the next second while scribbling down the artist for future reference for the day I can finally afford to request some Levi and my OCs art (I have an OC in mind for every Levi x Reader Fic I've written that I imagine while I write). So it's more like a Levi x Anyone kind of headcanon:

I have always been a sucker for the thought that when Levi get's really comfortable with whoever he's with, and he's letting his guard down more and is cuddling regularly with his SO, that this is a common and favorite position:

Just, the hand running gently through his hair at the nape of his neck, arms wrapped tightly around one another, head pillowed on n their chest, it looks so comfy and warm and comforting for him and uuugggghhhhh I'm a sucker for it, it's my comfort soft thought/headcanon and I love it.

🍓 How did I get into fanfic. Soooo I was already known IRL for loving writing, mostly poetry at the time, and being a huuuuge star wars fan (I was usually the one people went to if they had a character or event question cause I KNEW MY STUFF). And a friend of mine came up to me one day at summer camp and asked for some help with a star wars fanfic she was writing since i knew character and canon/EU stuff so well, and she explained WHAT fanfic was to me, and after talking for a while we wrote it together, though we kind of parted due to creative differences/complete opposite styles, but I'd created a fanficnet profile putting the original character names from the story together with plans to post the fanfic we were writing, and I decided to just keep it and start writing my own stories, and that's how I started writing fanfic--and also how I got the penname AngelDesaray, two OCs that didn't really see the light of day. Well, Desaray got revamped into Zelina for my Star Wars fanfiction baby I still work on slowly to this day, but that's besides the point, heh.

🎲What stops me from writing more in my free time? I usually get in my own way a lot. My attention span has been really shot since college, it's hard for me to focus on one thing for a long time--it's part of why I started having multiple things going on at once, it helps me to focus if I have a video running or music playing, and three or four word documents and a social media website I can easily jump away from again open, because then there's enough going on that I oddly enough can focus (I used to get teased all the time by my parents for having my laptop open on my lap, texting someone on my phone, playing a NintendoDS Game, and watching a show all at once). Another issue is that I think I haven't 100% bounced back from my college burnout, but I really really miss my writing and stories, which puts me in this weird catch 22 where I'm just mentally tired and don't want to do anything, but i've been daydreaming of my story for literal hours and really want to get something on paper. Also sometimes I'm cursed with wanting to write plot heavy stuff but I'm in the middle of relationship building, or wanting to write action but I'm doing dialogue heavy chapters, or wanting to write relationship steamy stuff but there's a lot of plot stuff going on--etc etc. Its usually me and my attention span getting in the way, pretty much. Doesn't mean i don't want to really really bad or that I'm not thinking about it 24/7, cause I usually am, it's just hard for me to FOCUS these days once I have the white sheet in front of me.

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