#i will push through bc being insufferable is what i'm best at!!!!!!

[teddybeartoji]

i hate whining on here abt my fear of being annoying sm bc it feels like i'm dismissing all of you hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i really really promise that i am not and godddd i'm so fucking happy to have you all here with me but sometimes just sometimes the feeling just creeps up on me and i hate it so fucking bad

[facefullofsadness]

Can I request reader eating hanni out like the same thing you did with the Sakura fic

precious baby hanni I love her sm 😩

content - highschool!au, smut (virginity taking/first time, cunnilingus, gagging *not throwing up but stuffing the mouth to suppress sounds*), fluffy

wc - 1492

a/n - I have a gf!hanni hc that she calls her s/o darling with her sweet lil aussie accent and that her s/o loves calling her honey bc well, hanni!

hanni is suchhh a high school sweetheart.

I think it's a cliché heartthrob, oblivious, teen love story where you two became best friends overtime after meeting each other in class on the first day, your seating arrangement forcing you to talk to each other. and the more you got to know her, the more you started to fall. her smile, her aura, her personality, her voice, her talent, everything attracted you to her.

and she's sooo in the same boat with you. she lights up at the mention of your name, perks up when she sees you from across the room, runs after you and suffocates you in an adorable embrace. everyone around you two roll their eyes because neither of you can see how fucking in love the other is, too scared of rejection. so expect groans and "finally!"s to come out of your friends' mouths when you guys get together (minji and haerin were sick and tired, but dani and hyein were fangirling).

it took some time to build up to anything sex related. you both were young and inexperienced virgins, being each other's first kiss and everything, and even that was really hard and awkward to get over. even just talking about it made hanni's cheeks flush red, and you would just nervously laugh (how insufferably adorable hmph). BUT, being young also meant being unbelievably hormonal and horny, so eventually, when it got too much to handle, you made the first move.

a sleepover at hanni's. you and all of your guys' friends having a cute lil girls' night filled with games, movies, and snacks! you and your girlfriend cuddling on the couch as the night goes on and each girl knocks out one by one, dragging themselves upstairs to sleep in the guest bedrooms, leaving you and hanni left in the living room. a random chick flick plays on the screen as you pull her even further into you, nestling your face into her neck and planting kisses.

she squirms slightly in your grasp and giggles at your actions, lacing her fingers through your hair with one hand, another hand gripping your thigh beside her.

"darling, that tickles! what are you doing?" she questions.

"hanni... I don't know how much longer I wanna beat around the bush with this," you mumble against her skin, your eyes closed and your hands slipping under her tank top.

you feel her stiffen slightly in your hold, making you stop your kisses. she knows what you're talking about, but she panics slightly at the thought.

"darling, I don't know... they're just upstairs," hanni states hesitantly.

"I know honey, but just be quiet for me? yeah? can you do that?" you whisper sweetly.

her face looks distressed when you look up at her, wanting to say yes but too scared to go through with it. you pull away slowly, accepting her silence as a rejection like the respectful girlfriend you are, but she pulls your arm back, burying her face into your shoulder and mumbling.

"okay..."

you smile and kiss the top of her head, "we don't have to do it if you don't want to, my love."

"I want to!" she expresses a little too loud before lowering her voice again, "I want to, I'm just nervous."

you hold her face in your hands and place a soft peck on her lips, "It's okay, I am too. we'll learn together, right?"

she nods and grins slightly, leaning in to start making out with you, her hands in your hair pulling you into her. you reciprocate her needy kiss and push her backward to lay on the couch. your lips travel down her jaw to her neck, kisses gentle but passionate, leaving marks in discrete places, hanni biting her lip to suppress her whines.

you whisper into her ear, "turn the volume up."

she nods and reaches for the remote, increasing the sound of the movie on the tv, immediately releasing a small whimper when she feels your thumbs around her nipples. you travel down and undo her shorts with your mouth, sliding both articles of clothing off of her legs.

"we're gonna have to be quick if we don't wanna get caught, okay?" you tell her.

her eyes plead with you to keep going, but she responds anyway, "okay, that's fine. what about you?"

how sweet, always thinking about her gf.

you smile back, pecking her lips, "maybe next time, it is YOUR sleepover after all."

she rolls her eyes and pushes you back, giggling, "stupid."

you return back to before, sliding down her body and pushing her legs apart gently, your hands caressing her thighs. you look up at her for approval and she nods her head at you, anticipating your next move. so you move in, tongue swiping against her puffy pussy. you hear her breath hitch as the wet muscle between hanni's legs twirled and licked at her clit and cunt, clutching your wrists in pleasure.

"does that feel good?" you gasp out against her pussy lips.

"mmf, fuck, yes darling, feels s-so good..." she pants, your tongue going back to work.

she tries to bite down on one of her hands to suppress how good your mouth feels around her, your lips sucking at your clit while your tongue flicks at it, sometimes going and repeating the action to her entrance, your tongue darting inside and massaging inside her walls. but the pleasure was just too much, she couldn't stay quiet.

suddenly, you pull away and pick up her panties from the floor. hanni panics and worries that you stopped because she was being too loud, resulting in you making her get dressed again. but before she could speak up and apologize for her volume, you ball up her underwear and stuff it in her mouth, making her whimper when you do.

you kiss her cheek and look into her eyes, locking your gaze with her wide one, "you need to be quiet for me hon, be a good girl for me."

she gulps and you can see the lump travel down her throat before she nods and grips the material of your clothes on your shoulders. you lower yourself against her entrance before drinking in her essence, coating your tongue and drinking it down. her grip on your clothes tightens and she bites down on her gag, clamping her eyes shut and panting into her underwear.

her hips are moving uncontrollably, her stomach twisting and turning with pleasure at this new feeling. of course she's masturbated before, but she's never felt this good. with you eating her out like a pro below her, she swears she could get addicted to the feeling of your mouth on her. and she feels so warm, you're so gentle with her and treating her with the utmost care, but giving it your all to make sure hanni feels fucking amazing, and she does.

even through the loud movie and her panties in her mouth, muffling her moans, you can hear her tiny whimpers escaping her throat with every stroke of your tongue. the way her hips jolt and her legs shake, her upper half squirming in your hold, you know you're doing good and you smile against her core.

with a final suck of her clit, you feel her body tremble, her back arches into you, and her nails sting as they dig into your shoulders through the material. you open your eyes to look up at your girlfriend as her head is thrown back against the armrest and eyes clamped shut, biting down on her underwear for dear life, you're scared she might hurt herself.

you stop your movements and lick gently against her pussy, helping her ride out the high, pulling away as soon as she jerks from overstimulation. crawling up to face her sweaty forehead and hazy eyes, taking her panties out of her mouth. her mouth hangs open as you feel her hot breath panting against your lips. you kiss her sweetly and smile against her.

"good?" you ask simply.

"really good," hanni replies, her blinks slow as she passes out on the couch.

you melt at how adorable she is, slipping back on her clothes onto her limp sleeping body before finding a blanket and draping it over the both of you, laying your head on her shoulder before drifting to sleep too.

the next morning, you're both awaken to loud groaning. you rub your eyes of exhaustion to find an angry minji.

"god guys, if you're gonna fuck, PLEASSSEEEEE let me NOT be here," she huffs, pouting in her pajamas and plopping down on the other sofa with a bowl of cereal.

"they were fucking? I'm never coming back to this house," haerin echoes in the kitchen while you blush, feeling your gf bury her face into your shoulder.

"I told you to be quiet," you whisper into her ear, making hanni hit your shoulder.

a/n - I LOVE HANNI SO MUCH MY BABY MY BABY MY GF MY SWEET POOKIE PIE I LOVE HER

[timechaser]

i let this thought go tonight and it will never see the light of the moon ever again so here goes every thought in my mind abt the poppy war trilogy. mind you, a lot of this is just nonsensical dabble and incoherent babbling bc i cant ever form coherent thoughts but whatever.

id pay big money and wage a thousand wars to go back in time and yank every material object out of my hand and out of my reach to ensure that i never even wondered abt the trilogy's existence. it's not that i regret reading them because they sucked--no, far from it. it's not that i led myself blind and didnt take the extra precautions to make sure that i was in the right mindset to read them. i knew what i was going into, what ch21 was withholding, i knew how graphic and how heavy they would be to read. i retreated to my room and poured a stupid amount of hours staring at a screen, at a bunch of words, and feeling such bizarre emotions.

that being said, i love runin. i love how bold she was and how persistent she was despite having her bones kicked inwards from quite literally every person she has let into her life. i love how she was a proper morally grey character, a heroine led astray and betrayed by her very own thoughts. i love her bc even though she was the anthropomorphic personification of a god, she was still human. at the end of the day, what killed her wasnt a higher being, it was the self. that part of her arc cemented her place in my top list of female book leads. i love rin because she was human through and through, all the sides of it, she was everything. reading her was a tough pill to swallow, but a necessary one because she is proof of how dangerous the mind can be to itself, to how dangerous humanity is to itself. and sometimes id wish i could reach into their world and pull her back to ground bc of her recklessness. i love and hate rin at the same time, never one more than the other.

i love kitay even more. never once have i faulted him, he knew what was best, a moral compass for readers really. especially after primarily reading from rin's violent and often irrational perspective, it was relieving to have a voice of reason. theres not much i can say abt him other than the fact that he is my favourite out of the trio, id see it through no matter what. yes i wish he'd said no to bonding himself to rin, to put himself on a compromise, but at the same time i'm glad that he did. kept rin grounded, gave her a sense of purpose other than vengeance, instilled her a sense of duty and obligation--to survive, not only for herself but for him as well. will always defend him no matter what, this boy is clean and he is faultless.

nezha nezha nezha. i tried for three books (and tdf) to like him, truly, but even after all those pages i still dont know how to feel about him. he was insufferable in the first book, honourable for most of the second, and downright pathetic in the third. but if i say that i hate nezha then id have to say that i hate rin as well. they were both children of war, born under humiliating circumstances and forced to take the wager of compromise, they share the same faults. its not fair of me to defend one and leave the other open, they forced the ugliness out of each other. they were tragic. i saw his betrayal from kilometres away, but anticipation did not make forgiveness easier. but i know what it feels like to be brought up as a pawn for ur own family's benefit, to be subjected to so much responsibility when you barely know the world and its wonders, feels like a push to the edge. i cant blame him for that.

in short, im devastated. ive had my tears ricochet on loop since i started the first book. i am but a hollow shell of the person i was before this book. it has altered my life (/hj) and i cant go a minute of my day without thinking abt it. it's incredibly tragic, it's flawed in its own ways but it is also three incredible pieces of literature. rfk did well, im glad i read it while at the same time hate myself for reading the entirety of the trilogy in the span of 36hrs. i dont think its once u can read almost immediately, u need to pace yourself. 5 golden stars from me nonetheless.

[fellasleepinbaltimore]

it's just like I'm struggling bc in a sense it feels like a surrender like ghtjyju I would be fine with being a man if like it was a meaningless category like if it was actually okay to be something other than what is expected as the ideal if it was the actual like... "just be an effeminate man" like if it really meant nothing and if my body didn't automatically push me down someone's mental conveyorbelt of social interaction in a way that forced me to participate in this dance where I'm aspiring to do the best in part that is not suited to me and I never asked for if people could like see me as I am in my brain and not always looking at me and what I do or say through the lense of manhood like saying I don't id as man or woman would be enough, it would be enough to say I'm person before I'm any gender if it changed anything like I know it about myself but how I do convey that to everyone else? how would they know? how does one convey personhood in a non gendered way 😭😭 like

it feels like a surrender to a society what will only judge and ridicule nonconformity but also as making peace with the world as it is and maybe the most responsible choice to make for one's own sanity.

it eats me up inside bc I really like never asked for it. to be this way and I'm not trying to shit on it like there's something wrong with it it's just so much work. it's already so much work to figure everything else out I'm literally unemployed uneducated constantly living off of others I'm struggling to like build a basic life for me add on the fucking sisyphean task of jailbreaking your genetic code like I literally don't know how im going to do this. I don't want to keep living the life I lead before but I don't know that I'm brave enough to go forth with the path before and I'm so serious about it.

if I was rich and independent it'd be different but I'm not I'm poor and surrounded by people who simply don't get it and likely never will even if they love me.

having to be a man is not something I can swallow I need to be allowed to be soft but I don't know how to go from me here what my life with look like it's so much pressure and I don't know if I can do it it's so much fucking work constant shaving and voice training and clothes and money and laser removal and extensions and makeup and indignity and shame and fighting it's a constant fight and it sounds exhausting and I'm already fucking tired bro like this has already been so fucking much I'm so fucking tired already I already have shit I have to fucking carry it's not woe is me I know everyone does but I'm kind everyone else people have limits and I feel like I'm fucking at mine it's constantly grating at me but I can't fucking do shit about it!!!

so much fucking fighting for something I don't want!!!! I don't want to pass!! or be a woman!! but I'll have to be if not maybe I'll end up fucking dead!! bc regardless I have to conform! I have to be beautiful, I don't get to be, I'll have to be.... it's literally trading one thing for the other and it makes mad I can't stay where I am and maybe I'll like where I go better but it still will be insufferable!!

this is why I think regardless of how I was born id still feel nonbinary and like there's just something wrong with me and gender for some reason idk and tbh gender doesn't matter most of the time but when it does it hits and it feels sicklyyyy like free me fr!!!

I feel like I can't decide bc I genuinely don't want to I literally wish with all my heart to shapeshift at will like I wish I could walk the line between the two worlds and be perfectly acceptable as I am

[i-logophile]

The Glass Pawn Update/Ch 14 Sneak Peek

Y'all, I swear I'm still working on TGP (EPIC: The Musical is doing its best to take over my life tho 😩 as evidenced by the three Polites-centric fics I've started over the past week). I've been going back and rereading the whole story to make sure I don't forget anything (bc I'm just anal like that 💀). I'm gonna start editing Ch 14, tho, so I can get that posted sooner rather than later. I'm not even gonna try to guess when the next update will be bc it'll end up not being my guess just to spite me

In the meantime, have a sneak peek at Chapter 14: Hold On

Leo might have laughed if the sound wasn’t liable to give away his position hunkered inside the cab of one of the vans. Here he was yet again, waiting desperately for his brothers to pull him out of peril. Self-deprecation scuttled through his brain like the beginnings of a roach infestation. His Ninpō wavered in response, the blue warmth retreating. Leo quickly pushed the thoughts away. It wasn’t like he had done nothing, he reminded himself. He activated his Ninpō! After months of disuse, that had to be an accomplishment. 

His Ninpō brightened again. 

Who’d’ve thought the power of positivity would be what gets me through this? he marveled. If Mikey ever hears about this, he’ll be insufferable.

[mywheelieweirdlife]

I realised tonight that I struggle telling my new partner about my disability despite him being the most loving, supportive, wonderful person and one of my closest and best friends who is absolutely amazing with my conditions and already just automatically takes initiative to look after me before I'm even worried about my symptoms... like he goes 'that's not normal and okay' and just goes and does whatever I need, sometimes only asking permission because he knows I need something but can't do it and I don't like asking for help.... because my ex boyfriend was so ashamed of me that I literally can't wrap my head around the fact my current boyfriend can love me this much.

Because I was too loud, too bouncy, too much, too weird, because people stared when he kissed the person in the wheelchair and they made comments and because I was disabled and needed help and he didn't know what to do and wasn't able or willing to do it and refused to listen.

To the point where I'm surprised that my boyfriend got me a glass of water when I was in pain and he looked at me and went 'Ashley, that's lower than the bare minimum and you deserve so so much more than that' and then I cried about it for a week.

And that tonight, he took care of me with low blood sugar, and once we got home and I said it was definitely a wheelchair night because my legs were absolutely about to go, he undid my shoes and took them off for me and set up my wheelchair and then once I was in my chair, he just stood there cuddling me and playing with my hair for a minute and told me that I was beautiful and he's so lucky to have me.

He kisses me in public, he holds me in public, he pushes me around when I'm tired and flirts with me and tells me how cute it'll be when our little polycule has kids and he makes me feel beautiful and good and I laugh when I'm with him like I haven't in a relationship since fucking 2017.

And this absolute dork of a human, who loves me and I genuinely don't think he could ever be embarrassed by me based off the chaos we are together and how much he genuinely worships me (and it goes both ways)... I can't get myself to tell him everything that I hide about my disability.

The things only my best friend knows. The things I say in-front of him to friends in medical terms bc they're also disabled and we nod and get it and we lowkey discuss symptoms, but like, how do you just tell someone the symptoms of 'I have a weak pelvic floor because of an injury that my body decided to shut down from and now half the muscles in my pelvic floor have lost muscle tone and I'm trying to learn how to use them again but my condition also just turns them off sometimes' and that 'I deal with an injury that ruined my gut bacteria so on-top of that and muscle problems, sometimes my digestive system just stops for ages but I have a hormonal condition that fucks with insulin production so I still have to have something so I mostly have liquids and occasional solids until it turns back online and that has some not fun side effects.'

Or the good old 'I have cramping through my entire body during some flares that sometimes makes me an insufferable bitch to be around because I'm in so much pain I literally can't function or breathe through them and all I can do is try to sleep for a few days until it ends and I will not want you anywhere near me or my bed during those flares.'

And that maybe some of my conditions and concerns will change with treatments, but some of these are from the physical symptoms of traumas long term after effects because even if I can stop what caused the damage doesn't mean it'll 100% fix the damage.

I might be able to stop the automatic stress response that starts creating muscle tension so extreme it literally paralyses me... or I might have actually caused some nerve damage through that over the year and some of the sensation in my body may have been lost a little or be hypersensitive because my body is terrible with limits.

Like there was a time when I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed by this, because it's human and it happens and I was hurt and this is what happened from it... but that one ex who would constantly fight with me because he was so embarrassed of me and who I am, completely broke my sense of self and my self esteem by deciding my normal didn't matter.

That my body and my disability was too hard for them so they did very little to protect or help me and even when they did, they complained about it and I felt like a burden.

And my boyfriend doesn't make me feel like that ever, he's struggled to get my wheelchair in his car, but his response to that was about working out what he needed to move in the car. I had a seizure while out, a really bad one, and he carried me to my best friend's car, carried me inside when we got home after getting me coffee and put me on my bed and stayed there looking after me and cuddling me and we played CAH with my best friend and my niece.

Like this man has never given me a reason to doubt that he would do anything for me, he held my drunk ass up in the shower at my cousins after I got a smidgen too drunk to be safe on my own. And he also reminded the entire time that I was okay and safe and he loved me and wasn't there for anything but to get clean with me and make sure I didn't fall on my ass again that night.

And I trust him with everything I've got, I've always felt physically safe with him and as we've grown older and he's grown tf up a little (because guys in their early 20's are stupid, he's a few years older than me, but like, in the 2-3yr older range, not the creepy range) we've finally matched maturity and life points really well and everything just aligned perfectly for us and we realised we were more than friends... I trust him with more and more, including some of my biggest secrets and traumas and my dramatic personality.

But I can't wrap my head around how to trust him with the full extent of my disability, not because I don't want to, but because I'm really scared to after my ex shamed me and made me so uncomfortable and embarrassed with the surface level of my disability that I don't have the words for the harder more private parts of my condition anymore.

And that just hurts. I want to let him in fully and I want someone to see all of me and all my struggles and challenges and everything that I am and that's a part of me and love me not despite or regardless, but through it and with it all.

I want to be seen and heard and loved… and he would immediately, without a single doubt, I would be shocked if he reacted in a way that hurt me because at this point I'm finally learning to not be anxious saying things that would start fights in old relationships because he'll just say he's proud of me for telling him and that he loves me and that it's okay and he's here for me and ask what he can do to be supportive during the hard times.

But that fear and the look on my ex's face when I anxiously showed him videos by another wheelchair user who created entire YouTube series on disabled living and my ex asking 'do I have to watch and know this' with a look that honestly haunts me to this day and is burned into my memory and soul because it's also the look my father has when someone mention periods or starts playing WAP... it stopped me from being proud of myself for the last 3 and a bit years.

And now I want to share myself with someone that I love and trust and I can't yet and I hate it.

It's also why I'm writing my book. Because fuck we all deserve to feel good regardless of our disabilities and no one should be hurt like this because someone said stupid shit projecting their insecurities and bullshit onto us. I want to feel beautiful and sexy and passionate and be open and honest and optimistic about sex and living and working on this book (slowly af but it's still being worked on.) is helping a bit. The rest is shadow work, my friends and my partners.

But god I wish I could be more open and honest with myself and them about my struggles.

[futurefind]

[ KARAOKE ] : for our muses to sing karaoke together (sa & zaya bc he dragged her here uvu)

first meeting prompts / relevant notes / @metrictita

She's going to kill him, she thinks, not for the first time (ignoring the lack of malice and about as much heat as a soft serve ice cream). When she'd 'agreed' to come here with him, she was expecting his usual song and dance— his peacocking about the stage with at least one pair of eyes (begrudgingly) guaranteed to be set on him.

Absolutely not traipsing like a fool along with him...!

Except to say no would be to let that smug fucker win, give him something to hold over her head 'til the cows came home and back again. She'd be lucky if he let her forget it this side of a decade (if she even lasted longer that that, but regarding him or being this side of alive was hard to say).

So. Sasume ignores the freezing electricity of mortification pouring through her veins and screaming at her to get anywhere where the eyes won't follow her and bites back a Fuck You. Not because he didn't deserve it, but because she didn't deserve the resulting... quips.

"You're insufferable," she hisses as she walks past, mindful to make sure no one can overhear despite— or maybe because of— the nervous flush already painting her face.

For perhaps the first time, she's thankful for her job. Where else, after all, could she have such a finely tuned experience for ignoring adrenaline and her screaming flight responses?

To say her mind eases when the song is something... heavier? More active? Fuck if she knows— but it's harsh enough to not have to linger on her own sounds too much and instead just focus on the most distance corner she can find as best as she can.

"God, I don’t know ‘bout the reason why I met you, I’m only counting the scars—"

...Mostly. What parts of her that aren't screaming with dread keep half an eye on Zaya's own eccentricities. Not to mimic him (awful), but instead to weave around him and out of his way. It ain't a spar, but physical back and forths are familiar enough to take the edge off.

"We cut into each other, it’s obvious that I knew The reason right from the start."

It's hard not to chuck the mic back right at him once it's over, but she's not sure if it's because of her prioritizing her haste or keeping him from getting as much ammunition as she can.

She speeds back to her seat, deftly avoiding anyone and everyone, and resists the urge to start gulping for air or burying her face into the tabletop. Maybe she'll use the bathroom as an excuse for the... weirdest instance of using Shinrei to clean herself up.

"No," she says, as soon as he rejoins her, stabbing a finger right into his face. "I ain't doing that again!" And, before he can start pushing in this or that direction, "I'm done for the night."

[rivalsforlife]

i'm holding myself back from asking commentary on almost every scene from the catch up game bc i love so much how you wrote phoenix in that fic!! that said, could u do commentary on the last 2 scenes from the first chapter (party + gumshoe), if that's not too long or on parts of it if it's too much?

Sure thing!! The scenes on their own are already over 2000 words so I’ll put them under a keep reading for everyone’s peace of mind.

Alright let’s start then...

The bachelor party was beyond Phoenix’s expectations. He’d been expecting Edgeworth to be much stingier with the spending, considering his general attitude towards Gumshoe’s salary. But he’d agreed to rent the bar out and pay for one drink for everyone, plus transportation home for those who couldn’t do it themselves. Phoenix… was surprised, actually. He’d known for a long time now that Edgeworth appreciated Gumshoe much more than he let anyone know about, but it was still surprising to see in action.

this paragraph brought to you by My AAI2 Feelings, particularly the parts where Gumshoe really does come through in the investigations, so much that Miles actually gives him a salary raise at the end... it did a great job developing their friendship, I loved it a lot.

(Also I headcanon that after aai2 but possibly before that... every “I’m going to cut your salary!!” that Miles says does not actually result in a salary cut. poor gumshoe can barely feed himself as it is. but Miles can’t be, like... Nice about it so he’s just going to pretend. Gumshoe understands. it’s like an inside joke now.)

And honestly figuring out this whole party scene was such a pain. I still feel like it could be better but I’m not sure how? I just had the goal of “get someone to let it slip that Miles is in love with Phoenix” but then there was the issue of a) who knew Miles well enough to know this, and b) who knew Phoenix well enough to talk about it, and c) what circumstances would let them slip up and say it. The answer was Gumshoe because he can’t resist leaking information to the defense... even when it’s information about his boss’s personal life. oops.

Athena dropped by for a movie night, since Pearls was too young to attend. Phoenix wasn’t worried about them; he was sure they wouldn’t get into any more trouble than he and Maya could at the party.

OOF AWKWARD PARAGRAPH this is a remnant from when I shifted a lot of scenes around in this chapter. I thought it would be cute if Athena and Pearl were friends. And I think there was more to this but then it was distracting from the overall topic so I cut it out... resulting in this.

“Pals!” a familiar voice boomed at the entrance to the bar, and Phoenix soon found himself and Maya swept up in a bone-crushing hug. “I’m so glad you both could make it!”

“Gumshoe!” Maya returned the hug enthusiastically. “It’s been forever, man!”

“Sure has!” Gumshoe released them, allowing Phoenix the opportunity to wheeze and clutch at his ribs, while Gumshoe ruffled Maya’s hair. “Been keeping yourself out of trouble?”

“You know it!”

“Uh, I had several sleepless nights last year suggesting otherwise,” said Phoenix.

“Shut it, Nick.” Maya elbowed him, not helping with the situation with his ribs, and beamed.

a little bit of banter that really just serves as a transition thing. most of the party is actually both “transition scene to indicate that the party did, in fact, happen before I get to the important stuff” and “introduce some important character stuff while I have time to fill”. 

and of course these sleepless nights are in reference to pretty much the whole plot of SOJ... 

One last note that I think Gumshoe probably gives great hugs, if you can survive your ribs potentially being crushed in the process. he doesn’t mean anything by it. he’s big and strong and likes hugs so much he forgets how big and strong he is.

... ps I love Gumshoe

“But congrats, Gumshoe! Seems like just last decade Nick and I were wandering around trying to pass your lunches over to Maggey.”

“God, it’s been that long, hasn’t it?” Phoenix reminisced. It was odd, thinking back on cases he took before he was disbarred, before he became a father to a daughter who wasn’t even with him today.

Gumshoe chuckled. “Guess so, pals. You two’ve really been there since the beginning, huh? Maggey and I wouldn’t be here today without you.”

Phoenix smiled. “Aww, Gumshoe…”

“And that’s why I get to be maid of honor, huh?” asked Maya with a sly grin.

“Maid of honor?!” Phoenix looked to Gumshoe, who didn’t object, before rounding back on his best friend. “You didn’t tell me that!”

“You didn’t ask!” Maya sighed. “If it weren’t for me eating Gumshoe’s beloved bento box in front of Maggey, who knows if we’d be here today?”

“I don’t think that was a deciding factor at any point…”

Gumshoe clapped Phoenix on the shoulder. “Sorry, pal. Would’ve made you the best man, but, y’know… Mr. Edgeworth.”

“Yeah, of course, no hard feelings, pal.”

“What’d I tell you about stealing my trademark, huh, pal?” Gumshoe laughed before stepping back into the bar. “C’mon in, you two.”

REALLY just more awkward transition scenes haha. Maya is the maid of honor in this fic mostly because I went to Maggey’s profile page and she was the only woman listed under the “friends” list... and we don’t know much about Maggey’s personal life. plus more “Miles and Gumshoe friendship” agenda pushing in here!

There were more people there than Phoenix was expecting, and many of them he hadn’t met. Edgeworth had mentioned that he would let Gumshoe select the guest list, but he’d kind of expected this to be people the two of them knew. Or, at least, that Phoenix knew — Edgeworth seemed to recognize more, which was rare, and was currently speaking with someone Phoenix vaguely recognized as an Interpol agent he’d worked with on a few cases back when Phoenix would help him out in Europe.

Ema ran up to them and made small talk before she and Maya got caught up in discussion about some show Phoenix had never heard of, so he wandered off to find someone else to talk with.

And there was… no one, really. Gumshoe and Edgeworth were talking with strangers, and Phoenix didn’t want to butt in on that conversation — he thought he saw Larry lurking about but couldn’t find him right now — and anyone else Phoenix recognized he either hadn’t talked to in years or was sure didn’t recognize him.

Phoenix hadn’t realized just how much his disbarment affected him, in these little ways. He looked out over the crowd of people Gumshoe or Edgeworth spoke to and had no idea who they were. It had been eight years out of touch with the rest of the legal world — eight years to fall behind.

It was… oddly lonely. Eventually it was just Phoenix standing there at the bar with a glass of grape juice in his hand. He was beginning to wish he’d ordered some more euphemistic “grape juice” instead.

You know that feeling when you go to a party and your one (1) friend leaves you and then you have no one to talk to and don’t know what to do -- maybe? That’s kind of the thing. slight Lang cameo in there.

ORIGINALLY Ema and Maya were going to talk about Lana and Mia and kind of hint at some Lanamia stuff in there, but then I thought about it and really why would Phoenix pass up an opportunity to gossip about his boss’s past relationships. 

And this also tries to kind of go for one of the general... “themes” of the fic? More of an exploration into Phoenix’s loneliness/how he copes with not having people around him. RFTA and JFA in particular kind of really entrenched that he Does Not Do Well without people to take care of -- which comes up a lot during this fic. And part of getting to explore those issues is essentially me trying to make Phoenix as alone as possible. ... sorry Phoenix! 

Also in here is a lot of “disbarment should have messed up Phoenix more than DD and SOJ would lead you to believe” -- he essentially spent seven years completely disgraced, it’s unlikely he made a lot of notable legal connections, aside from maybe Miles and Miles’ social circle. He probably missed out on a lot.

The last paragraph there is just referencing the “grape juice” thing - I do believe it is literal grape juice and not an alcohol euphemism, and I believe it was also literal grape juice in the original, so that’s what it ends up being.

“Hey, Niiiick…”

… But Phoenix supposed that just when you’re feeling down, the Butz arrives to drag you down further. “Hey there, Larry.”

Larry slumped against the bar beside him with a sigh, a glass of what definitely wasn’t grape juice in his hand. “Y’know Franzy didn’t even show up to this?”

“I’m not surprised. Being whipped half to death during your own bachelor party isn’t anyone’s idea of a good time, y’know?” In truth, he knew Franziska couldn’t make it down until just a few days before the wedding because of work — or so Edgeworth had told him — though he couldn’t help but wonder if Gumshoe was grateful for it.

Larry muttered something under his breath that sounded like it might’ve been contradicting Phoenix’s last statement, which Phoenix decided he was certainly not going to press further on, before Larry cleared his throat and continued. “But why’re you out here by yourself, Nick? Maya ditched you?”

“No, not at all,” Phoenix lied. “Just… taking in the scenery.”

“... Huh. Never took you for the wallflower type.” Larry frowned. “I mean, we did use to spend school dances in the corner by ourselves… guess some things never change.”

“Please don’t remind me of middle school ever again.”

“I’ll drink to that,” said Larry, who then did. “But I get it, dude. I was kinda hoping for some more excitement here… more ladies…”

“Don’t worry Larry, I’m sure you’ll find someone else to pester tonight,” Phoenix commented dryly.

... enter Larry Butz.

I really did try to explore the relationships of all the important people in Phoenix’s life... Larry though is so insufferable in canon I didn’t really have the heart to fit him in, so he falls out. (Apollo also doesn’t show up much, aside from the bit in chapter 5, that’s because he’s in a different country and I couldn’t come up with much of a role for him.)

And I also do believe that Larry and Phoenix were super unpopular in school. Larry was... Larry, and Phoenix was probably very sensitive up until the Dahlia Incident, and together they had enough unlikable traits that anyone who could spend time with one wouldn’t want to hang out with the other, but the two of them were loyal to each other. It’s my headcanon that Phoenix’s only real close friends throughout his childhood were Larry and Miles, which is part of why he got so attached to Miles to change his career for him.

“Yeah.” Larry’s eyes scanned the crowd before landing on a woman with dark hair in a high ponytail, and his face brightened. Phoenix cringed preemptively.

“Little miss Kay!” Larry called out, as the woman looked their way. “Looking as cute as ever! And more grown up, too…”

Phoenix tensed, suddenly feeling the wrath of hell creeping up behind them.

“Larry Butz,” a deadly voice boomed, “if you go anywhere near her, I will sue you for everything you are worth, little though it may be.”

Larry jumped and spilled half his drink over his jacket. “Geez, Edgey,” he grumbled, scuttling off to find a napkin. Phoenix, hoping it was safe now with the target gone, turned back around to meet the glare of his other childhood friend. “Hey, Edgeworth.”

Larry being gross but more importantly: me pushing the Dadworth agenda! 

“You didn’t have to do that, Mr. Edgeworth,” said the woman with a laugh. “I’m an adult. I know how to effectively break someone’s kneecaps if they bug me.”

Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. “Though I don’t necessarily disapprove, do we need to talk about avoiding criminal records again, young lady?”

“Sheesh, you’re still treating me like a kid,” she huffed, before noticing Phoenix and extending a hand. “Sorry about that! Kay Faraday. I’m Mr. Edgeworth’s assistant.”

Edgeworth gave an exasperated sigh, though Phoenix could detect a note of fondness to it. “You haven’t been my assistant for over ten years, Kay.”

“So you finally admit I was your assistant at some point!”

“Ngrk…”

Phoenix laughed and took her hand. “Pleased to meet you. I’m Phoenix Wright, attorney at law.”

Kay grinned. “Oh, I know! Gummy debriefed me on you, Mr. That Man.”

“Kay,” Edgeworth warned.

“Plus I kept up with the news,” Kay continued, before Phoenix could say anything. “I’m a big fan of your work! Anyone who can take Mr. High-and-Mighty over there down a notch or two is a hero in my book.”

“Ha, I appreciate that.” Usually the first thing people said to Phoenix after saying they saw him on the news was much more negative.

I really still can’t believe Kay would be 27 here. that’s just so weird. she’s permanently seventeen in my mind. --- said by miles, probably

Even though this was supposed to be a fic about Phoenix’s important canon relationships Kay just wormed her way in here. I love her so I didn’t make any particular effort to take her out of this. Plus it gives me the opportunity to write my favourite things: Dadworth, and also Kay bullying Miles.

And yeah the part about people seeing Phoenix on the news is a reference to disbarment... can’t imagine anyone would have had anything particularly nice to say to him, especially those first few years.

“Kay has been assisting some of the prosecutors and myself through some tricky crime scenes lately,” Edgeworth informed him.

“Technically I’m a P.I., but Mr. Edgeworth said they’re really short-staffed these days, so I thought I’d lend him a hand,” Kay elaborated.

“Oh, so I might be running into you at the crime scene someday.”

“Probably!” She grinned. “Though I’m not gonna go easy on you just ‘cause Mr. Edgeworth likes you.”

“Kay.”

“Oh is that Ema over there?” Kay said loudly. “I’ve gotta run, see you around!”

She dashed off. Edgeworth sighed.

At first I made Kay just a straightforward detective, but I changed it pretty last minute. I feel like she’d want to do her own thing, plus this way she can assist from the outside when dealing with Dark Age of the Law Corruption-type stuff. Miles hires her because canon says he was left pretty short-staffed in SOJ. I’m not... totally sure what the laws are regarding private investigators working with police, but this is a fictional universe with fictional laws so I will do what I want.

Aside from that... more Kay making fun of Miles.

“She seems energetic,” Phoenix commented.

“Indeed she is.”

“... Why did she call me ‘Mr. That Man’?”

Edgeworth coughed. “I’ve not the slightest idea,” he said, turning his head to the side. “That aside, this whole affair is going much smoother than I expected, aside from that slight mishap.”

“Yeah, murder’s not really the best way to kick off a bachelor party, huh? Even if it is Larry. But I think we did alright.”

“Indeed.”

As if on cue, a loud cheer rose up from the crowd at the far corner of the bar.

“... Do you smell something?” Phoenix asked, and true to form, the swaying form of Larry crawled on top of a table.

People making fun of That Man is one of my favourite tropes regarding the AAI characters.

I don’t actually know how bachelor parties work, but if anyone can make them into an overly dramatized super wild party... it’s Larry.

Edgeworth groaned and began to storm off, but Phoenix grabbed him by the hand to hold him back. “Edgeworth, it’s a party, let them have their fun.”

“I… suppose so,” Edgeworth relented, but his hand was still tense in Phoenix’s.

Phoenix released him. “C’mon, we can chaperone from a safe distance.”

Edgeworth nodded wordlessly, but Phoenix could sense that same feeling of unease from him again. He opened his mouth to ask about it but a loud shout took up his attention — this was something that could be dealt with later, he thought, as he and Edgeworth rushed over to the scene.

Miles internal monologue: Wright is holding my hand. Wright is holding my hand. Wright is holding my hand writgh is holding my hand wright is holdin g my ha--

Phoenix: uh. edgeworth?

So in this fic... Miles is gradually working up the courage to confess to Phoenix. He finally worked out his own feelings at some point prior to this fic starting but can’t quite admit them yet, so every time Phoenix does anything that can be remotely construed as romantic he just goes “!!!” and it’s probably all he can think about for a week. Poor guy! I’m sure that when he finally confesses all will be well.

Hours later, as the party wound down and various taxis came to take people home, Phoenix found himself crowded in a booth with a tipsy Maya and a drunk, gushing Gumshoe.

“... and I know she’s gonna just be so beautiful, pals, and what if it’s too much?” Gumshoe asked, lying sideways against the table. “What if they don’t let me see her and then the day of the wedding I look’t her and… I die?”

“People have gotten married without dying, Gumshoe,” Phoenix consoled him.

“But they don’t marry Maggey, pal…”

Maya snorted. “With her luck, I wouldn’t be surprised if something like that happened.”

“Hey, don’t tell him that!” Phoenix hissed.

really this wedding should have had way more disaster than I wrote about... probably at least one murder.

“No, no, don’t mention her luck, she’s already so worried,” said Gumshoe. “We’ve checked off every good-luck wedding charm in th’ book… but she still thinks somethin’s gonna go wrong. I love her, I really, really love her, pals…” A far off look crossed his face, and Phoenix wondered if anyone would ever speak of him like that, “... but she worries so much…”

“What’s she worried about?” Maya asked, slumping over against Phoenix’s shoulder.

“Ceremony, reception, if people’re gonna show up, if we’re gonna lose somethin’ important… even ‘s far as the bouquet toss. I told her, if you’re not sure, just toss it in th’ direction of you,” he pointed at Phoenix, “or at Mr. Edgeworth, and maybe it’ll work.”

Phoenix frowned. “Why me?”

Gumshoe let out a burst of hearty laughter. “I’m thinkin’ if you or Mr. Edgeworth catches it, it’ll give ‘im the courage to finally ask you out, pal.”

Maya shot straight up. Phoenix froze. “... What?”

probably not the smoothest way to get to the entire reason why this bachelor party exists, BUT. 

Also it’s implied that Miles DID actually talk to Gumshoe about this at some point. probably Gumshoe caught him pining at a bad time haha.

“Y’know the old tradition, whoever catches it is the next to get married and all…” Gumshoe stared at them for a moment, before his eyes widened and a look of absolute horror crossed his face. “O-Oh! Crap! Pal!”

“Edgeworth wants to ask Nick out?!” Maya shrieked.

“FINALLY! IT’S ABOUT FREAKING TIME!”

originally Gumshoe used a much stronger word than “crap” but idk Gummy doesn’t seem like the type to curse much...? Maybe it’s a stretch haha. also “pal” as an exclamation is my favourite little Gumshoe speech tic

“Shh, shh!” Gumshoe reached over to clamp a hand over her mouth but fell, collapsing on the table. “You heard nothin’ from me, pals, got it? Mr. Edgeworth’s gonna kill me if he finds out… worse, stop funding the wedding…”

Death is one thing but the WEDDING...

And I can’t remember if I mentioned at any point that Miles was also funding the wedding haha but it’s probably also something he wouldn’t want to tell anyone. Gumshoe with his perpetually terrible salary (which is also Miles’ fault) plus Maggey with her inability to hold down a job before being fired in a murder-related incident probably means they don’t have a lot for a nice wedding so Miles offered. secretly and evasively. because he’s a nice person but also doesn’t want anyone to know that.

Maya stared at Phoenix, her mouth agape, as Gumshoe continued mumbling to himself under his breath about the various consequences of Edgeworth’s hypothetical wrath. Phoenix, meanwhile, felt like his brain had short-circuited.

That wasn’t possible. He must have heard Gumshoe wrong. Edgeworth didn’t think of him that way. Edgeworth didn’t think about anyone that way, Phoenix had thought, for the longest time.

Little do you know, Phoenix! 

Touching on the aroace Miles headcanon here because it’s a very valid interpretation of his actions even if it’s not my own...

… Even if Edgeworth had been acting strange lately, even if something in his expression softened when he looked at Phoenix, even if…

No. Phoenix quickly shoved that thought to the back of his mind. There were many things he knew about Edgeworth, and one of those was that Edgeworth saw him as a part-time friend and part-time annoyance, but never a romantic interest of any kind. The thought of it was just… just unbelievable.

Phoenix craned his head around, catching sight of a familiar pink jacket across the room and watched Edgeworth in the middle of some phone call. He would know if Edgeworth was interested in him that way… wouldn’t he?

At first “the back of his mind” was “the overflowing mental trunk of repression” but that seemed a little too on the nose. Just know that’s essentially what he’s doing.

Another thing I wanted to establish throughout the fic was how close Phoenix and Miles are now -- they essentially know each other really well. And thinking about that part in Turnabout Goodbyes where Phoenix declares that “I’m the only one who knows the real Edgeworth”, I kind of interpreted that Phoenix Knowing Things About Edgeworth is an important part of their relationship to him. And the occasions where Miles did surprise him (with some aspect of his personality) weren’t always very good things... realizing he’d turned into a “demon prosecutor”, then the “choosing death” part... it’s a lot of my headcanons running away from me haha. Basically in this fic, Phoenix thinks he knows Edgeworth so well because he’s so close with him so an indication that there’s something about Edgeworth he doesn’t know or has completely wrong kind of... connects to him /not/ being as close to Edgeworth as he thinks he is? Maybe? And being close to him is something very important to Phoenix.

(This is not my personal opinion though haha, people can and will surprise you no matter how well you know them... but this fic is Phoenix’s Relationship Issues: The Fic, so.)

And no one else has mentioned the scenes where it comes up yet so I’ll talk about it here -- a lot of my editing process involved going through the fic and cutting out every instance of Phoenix either talking about him hypothetically being in love with Miles, or of Miles being in love with him. I just ctrl+f “love” and cut out whatever fit the criteria. Phoenix’s interpretation of Miles’ actions up until the end of chapter 5 isn’t exactly that Miles is Capital-L In Love with him, more that it’s like... a little crush? Mayyybe some physical attraction. Misconstrued admiration. Not anything so severe that Miles would willingly initiate a conversation about Feelings. so “He would know if Edgeworth was in love with him” changed to “He would know if Edgeworth was interested in him that way” because part of Phoenix’s issue here is that he can’t actually directly acknowledge the possibility that he’s in love with Miles or that Miles is in love with him. It’s a whole complicated thing I’ll probably talk about in the next commentary I do?

This got long but there’s the end of the chapter! I’ll answer more later...? These take up a lot of time haha.

[faejilly]

Not to be suddenly serious on your completely justified salt re: Jace -> my salt was bc s1 Jace was insufferable and frustrating!! Every time I really truly wanted to let it go or maybe cut him some slack bc I'm not entirely unsympathetic to him, he somehow managed to double down on his bs :/ Like I was willing to move on from him acting pissy when werewolves took Clary and the infamous 'maybe your mom..." in 1x05, but he, no, he dropped "yes, you did. you lost her" when Alec said he didn't do

anything Jace hadn't done before. What is worse this shit was followed by his entitled self-righteous behavior in 1x06 like you don't get to treat Alec crappy and then demand his help and act as if he's supposed to simply come around (unpopular opinion but I don't like their scene at the end of 1x06). And this is only one example! Thus, I'm like Alec's punches, verbal and actual ones alike, were lethal and brutal and I'm not unsympathetic to Jace but his stupid dumb ass had it coming

[re: this post]

I mean

I agreed with your salt the first time nonny, but

Like

The show tells us that Jace loves Alec and would die for him. It tells us that he’s a good Shadowhunter, an excellent fighter and a valued soldier. That means that for everyone to believe such things (and they clearly do), historically he gets the job done, values the parabatai bond itself (we see that he was the one who pushed for it, in fact) and regularly protects Alec to the best of his ability. The show explicitly tells us all these things, makes it clear that’s how everyone else views their relationship, that that past is both well-known and well-supported by the other characters’ behavior.

Does the show actually show us any of that beyond a few brief moments in s1? No. But. It’s not, on a technical level, a very good show. It frequently says one thing and shows something else and clearly never notices the disconnect.

SO

This means, if we’re stupidly invested in the characters (like I am, obviously) we need to look at the show and decide what we think canon was trying to say, whether that’s actually what it said or not.

Where does that leave us with Jace?

You can absolutely look at canon and decide Jace is a spoiled asshole who they’d mostly be better off without. (Obviously that’s not where I ended up, but you do you, darlings. It’s ok to hate the fictional character, god knows there are a ton of them I think their assorted media would be better without.)

Is he a con artist who wants to be thought of as a good man and has somehow fooled the entire NY Institute with his charm and ability to kill things? (Jace would say yes, he has several moments where he refers to himself as irredeemable, or monstrous, or dark, or useless. He believes he’s a terrible person.) This is, tbqh, supported by a lot of his behavior towards Alec, he’s lashing out and cruel and dismissive in a way that is very hard to watch, and doesn’t seem to actually have much to do with Clary at all, even though she’s positioned as the reason for this behavior. (I think, instead, she is, as usual, the catalyst for change rather than the cause.)

But Alec and Izzy clearly adore him, and they’re not generally tolerant of cruelty.

So what the fuck is he doing?

Jace was an abused child, who’s still very young, and is aggressively against any sort of self-assessment or self-reflection, because he’s sure if he looks too closely he’s going to see that he’s a monster, that his father broke him, that there’s no coming back from that. (And in some ways, he’s right, he’ll never know what it’s like to be a person who wasn’t abused, and for as long as he tries to pretend it doesn’t matter, he’s never going to be able to set it aside.) So he doesn’t, on any deep level, know who he is. He relies on other people to define himself. (He relies on Alec, and then Izzy, and then the rest of the Lightwoods, and after that maybe everyone else, but clearly they’re not that important.)

I think, based on how angry he is when Simon tries to call out his behavior towards Alec, how confused he is when Alec isn’t just always there at his shoulder for whatever insanity he’s trying to do next, Jace’s entire life is framed around an idealized version of Alec as his center.

He doesn’t really relate to Alec as a person. Alec is his proof of humanity. Alec is his parabatai, they share souls, Alec is the reason Jace isn’t entirely a monster.

Just mostly.

Now, Jace knows Alec is gay. Jace cannot deal with that fact, because Shadowhunters are not allowed to be gay. Jace seems aware of this in a way that Isabelle isn’t, seems aware that if Alec is forced out of the closet that he could lose his brother, his anchor, his soul-bond.

And I like to think it’s because of Michael Wayland.

The show never addresses this, but the books do, and we know everyone making the show read the books, so. We have Jace, who knows his “father” was Robert’s parabatai, (that’s why he got sent to the Lightwoods after his father’s death, after all) and also that, despite being parabatai, they weren’t together anymore. Their bond was so weak Robert didn’t even know when Michael died. (He can’t have, or Valentine’s masquerade never would’ve worked.) It’s not an entirely unreasonable leap to assume Jace would’ve wanted to know why, how such a thing happened to a literal soul-bond... and that he found out that Michael was gay, and that was probably why he’d been “exiled” away to his estate. Whether Michael self-exiled to get away from Robert’s reaction, or Robert discreetly ‘encouraged’ him to get away from The Clave kind of doesn’t matter... the end result was that Jace was alone in the Wayland Estate (with a monstrous father) for the first ten years of his life, and he can’t let that happen again, not to himself, and not to Alec.

(Is this in canon anywhere? No, but it fits, and I like it, so.)

If Alec admits he’s gay, Jace will lose him. So Jace can’t let him do that. Which means he clearly can’t ever address Alec’s infatuation with him, either. Which means a lot of conversations about emotions or friendship or personal beliefs can’t be had, because Jace is always almost as much on guard against Alec’s secrets as Alec is, and every time they don’t talk about any of the things they know about each other, that’s another layer of armor between them and the truth (and a better relationship).

But that’s ok with Jace because he’s doing it for Alec. (Whether it seems like that to Alec himself or not.) Alec is the one who made sure the Lightwoods were Jace’s family, not just a place to stay. Alec saved him, from his father, from his past, from a future where he never did anything right.

There’s a line when they’re outside the City of Bones, when Alec is asking Jace why this girl? and Jace says something about Lightwoods take in strays, don’t they? And he is so clearly trying to be a Lightwood, (not just Jace Wayland), trying to do for Clary what Alec did for him, making that behavior an explicit compliment to Alec. (I am being like you.)

And instead of affirming that, yes you’re a Lightwood, yes you’re doing the right thing, yes you’re saving someone, I’m so proud of you, Alec says you’re nothing like her.

Now, Alec says “you were never a stray” because protecting Jace & Izzy is important enough to him that he’s afraid of protecting Clary, because it’s going to put Jace & Izzy in danger. He’s saying you’re better than her, you’re more important to me.

But what Jace hears is you’re not doing the same thing, you’re not doing the right thing, you’re not like me.

And for all there’d been sniping and aggravation earlier, for all Jace met Clary and went ooooh, shiny, and made a whole slew of reckless decisions, I really believe that that moment outside the City of Bones is when their relationship broke. (Which makes the fact that the physical conflict in their relationship breaks free outside the City of Bones as well several episodes later surprisingly poetic.)

So now, for the first time, Alec disagrees with Jace, and Jace can tell he’s serious about it... and Jace thinks he’s wrong. And Jace doesn’t know what to do with that. (If Alec is an ideal rather than a person, than Alec can’t do anything wrong, and Alec going along with all of Jace & Izzy’s shenanigans must mean they weren’t that wrong either, not that Alec is too over-protective and has massive issues regarding responsibility and self-esteem and personal value.)

When someone falls off the pedestal you’ve put them on, it’s only human nature to blame them for failing you, rather than realize that pedestal wasn’t fair and you’re the one who put them up there, and pushed them off again when they couldn’t meet your impossible expectations. So Jace lashes out, because how dare you, the only person I could trust and respect unconditionally, be wrong!

Which is egregiously unfair, so I agree, he deserved Alec practically trying to kill him, though it’s obviously horrifying that that’s how far it had to go for him to realize what he was doing.

But it’s not surprising, both because of his inability to look at himself and that pedestal he’s got Alec on... it would take something cataclysmic to break through both those mindsets.Which is why it took Clary breaking the entire Shadow World to also break their issues out into the open. They were both too well-guarded to do it themselves.

[stennnn06]

1. Sten, first I want to say that I appreciate & give you many kudos for - your kindness & cheerfulness & positivity in general (&toward the show as well) You once mentioned that the people ranting about the show are the ones who don't watch the show (it might certainly be true for some people) I am NOT ranting & I'm trying to be fair & give them a chance. (English is not my first language so I sincerely hope I can convey what is on my heart) I am also not one of these aggressive intimidating

2. shippers (actually I think KaraMel do have chemistry, well how couldn't they if they are a couple in RL & James is a good healthy bf) it's just that SC tops them all LMAO sometimes I look at Kara & then at Lena on screen & I'm thinking it's like the universe made them to be together (regardless the nature of their relationship, whether it's best friends or lovers) they just fit together so well, like every key belongs to one special lock. I'm not taking Lena's side here, seriously this woman has issues! and she has certainly done some questionable things HOWEVER Kara's reaction (3x17) seriously surprised me, I didn't see it coming from her side (maybe I shouldn't call it ooc) so what did I expect from Kara? 

You know, my favourite K/L scene is - NOT the fan favourite so called gay SC moments, the bridal carries, these two being disgustingly sweet to each other - no my favourite scene between Kara & Lena is when Kara CONFRONTED Lena in 2x08. When Kara (ironically in her SG persona) confronted Lena straight forward, OMG I could see, I could feel the honesty, the genuine, the pureness AND the pain in Kara's eyes when she spoke those words:"I know what it’s like to be disillusioned by your parents. But I’m a pretty good judge of character. And you are not like your mother. She is cold & dangerous" And then - my most favourite scene ever - it gives me so many feels: Kara is hurt, you can clearly see it in her eyes but she steps forward to Lena (who is doubting herself & being dramatic) declaring WITH EACH STEP: "And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own hero" Jesus, that scene was so POWERFUL! I don't have the words to describe how I feel: There is just so much honesty, the scene feels so INTIMATE, so genuine, so pure. and I don't mean any of these words in a romantic way! (I think I just love genuine, honest healthy relationships, regardless of their nature)I think I kind of wanted/expected Kara to confront Lena about her feelings/worries instead of going behind her back - in 3x17, bc I thought that's the kind of person Kara (SG or not) is. I always thought of Kara being honest, honorable, genuine, relentless.I wouldn't have a problem with Kara being directly hurt & angry at Lena, directly confronting her & showing it. (These two idiots would still be hurting & everything. And it would also take time to get out their "mess" but there would be no betrayal bc they tried to be honest & truthful to each other). imho, concerning honesty & truth Lena - in that case - was trying (at first) to be honest & truthful. And given the the history with other TV shows, I'm sure I could name you endless shows where the writers let go a wonderful potential which could have been great to waste. Therefore please understand that I was kind of bitter thinking "oh history repeating itself again. We know where it goes now" I was already seeing the writers making Kara an insufferable hypocrite (clone of Smallville's Clark) & Lena downward spiraling towards madness & evil bc she got so disillusioned & hurt.But yeah, there is still a chance that the writers are NOT pulling a Clark/Lex à la Smallville stunt right? There is still a chance that Kara & Lena are gonna get out of this mess even STRONGER THAN BEFORE, this incident bringing their relationship on a deeper level. I think you've said it once: we can't tell yet which direction SG's gonna go & all we can do is sit & wait how it all unfolds (staying hopeful & cheering for KZE to be the relentless, steadfast unconditional loving person we got to know)That was a long post, but I needed to write about this, since it has been constantly on my mind. Please let me know what you think. I'd appreciate your opinion.

hi anon sorry it took me SO LONG to answer this. i didn’t want you to think i was ignoring you. i liked your points :) and i totally agree, the 2x8 scene was one of my favorite supercorp scenes of all time, it was just so... MUCH, for all the reasons you said. i’m pretty sure that’s when i just REALLY sold my soul to them, honestly, haha. so i’m with ya there. the two of them are iconic and legendary in literally every way - and while i have no issues with some of the other relationships on the show, i do acknowledge the fact that when compared to supercorp, they will always fall short. that’s just a fact, no matter how healthy or how well written the others can be. there is so much complexity, so much passion, so much chemistry and so many implications to supercorp that it’s just impossible to compete. 

and honestly i agree in the sense that kara’s reaction was a tiny bit surprising in 3x17, however, i think taking into context the entire season as a whole, and how this has been kara on a very specific journey to find herself -- and what exactly THAT means, as she’s juggling MULTIPLE identities and responsibilities -- it makes it easier to understand. we’ve seen kara have to shoulder the supergirl mantle MUCH more this season, more than ever, really, and as such, i think it’s pulling her away from center. that is, she’s skewing more towards the side of kryptonian legacies and responsibilities currently, vs her human persona and what THAT means. she’s still empathetic, and passionate, and strong, but she’s approaching things from a different angle than she might have before. not to mention, this season’s major villain is FROM krypton, and that brings with it so much heavy baggage for kara beyond just the fact that the earth is in danger. so for her to suddenly be shouldering a lot more pressure, and have to start acting more kryptonian than ever, it does lend itself to the argument she makes against kryptonite. while i don’t agree with her completely, when i take the story fully into consideration, i see why kara is reacting the way she is. 

i also think, as hard as it may be to watch, since supercorp has always handled conflict very maturely and admirably - it’s kind of GOOD to see them make mistakes and act like flawed characters. as much as we adore kara and lena, they aren’t perfect -- they’re stubborn, and brash, and reckless sometimes, and that lends itself to MAKING MISTAKES. they love each other, and we know this, but sometimes people lash out and don’t think through their actions. and that’s what we’re seeing here. they’re both in this high stress situation and focused on their own agendas while doing their best, and so its really hard to fault them for not sitting down and discussing everything rationally right away. i mean, there’s a worldkiller on the loose who happens to be their friend. who has time? sometimes you just act off your instincts and deal with consequences later. unfortunately, in this case, its their friendship that has to be put under strain. i still have complete faith they’re going to manage to come to a place of understanding, but the tension is believable so i’m a fan of seeing how it all pans out.

as for lena’s “downward spiral” - that’s a hard sell. if they were to go there and actually have a reveal between kara and lena, i can see lena being broken emotionally, but i still don’t see her becoming the next lex luthor. her motivations, agenda, and entire spirit are completely the opposite, and it just doesn’t lend itself to make sense in the narrative at this point in time (or ever). more likely, with or without a reveal, they’re going to have lena and kara push the envelope and really test them with not always seeing eye to eye but having to work through it; as katie recently said in her interviews, that doesn’t make lena EVIL or dark, it just doesn’t lend itself for her to always be best friends with kara, or for everything to be sunshine and roses. but so far, lena has been her own character, and the relationship between kara and lena hasn’t been a copy of smallville whatsoever. obviously i have no answers but i’m convinced they’re going to surprise us, just like they’ve been with lena’s character this entire time. and at the end of the day, i think supercorp will always manage to pull through.