#i will probably never talk to you again but you had a huge impact on my life
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Grief is funny.
Like, funny as in weird.
I went through a period of grief in 2020 when a pastor (worship pastor at my church) I was close to was fired abruptly.
Aside from him having invited me to the worship team in the first place (a very amazing answer to prayer) and the fact that I had been playing flute for him for 5 years, he had ALSO been counseling me for about a year leading up to that. We had taken a break during Covid, but I was scheduled to call him the day the email was sent out to the church. (This was before I knew I had OCD. I was just seeking spiritual/biblical help for all my questions and anxieties.)
I know why he was fired. I agree that it was right of my church to fire him.
But to this day, any reminder of him at my church is a punch to the stomach. He has a VERY distinct voice, and tonight I think I heard him on a track he must have produced for our church about 5-6 years ago. And almost started crying.
It’s been 4 years.
I agree with his getting fired.
I adore the worship leader they hired in his place. We all do.
It’s not like he died. He is a pastor still but moved to a different state. (Fun fact! You can go through grief even when death isn’t involved.)
But after all this time and even in these circumstances, I still am brought to tears when I am reminded of him.
Grief is funny.
#And then another pastor I was extremely close to was in effect fired 4 years later#Just me#my journey#Grief#I miss you Mike#i will probably never talk to you again but you had a huge impact on my life#Church hurt sucks#And I feel like I’ve had more than my fair share#Between this and feeling ostracized over Covid#It has honestly left me terrified that the two remaining leaders I’m close with will do something wrong too#I have a small notebook filled with funny church/worship team memories from when he was here and I keep it in my rehearsal bag#So a part of him/that era is always with me when I play at church
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Elena of Avalor is genuinely such a good show.
#Personal#You know I've never forgotten about this show for a single day even after it ended#Just thinking about it makes me happy already but I recently listened to all the songs again#and directly interacting with the show and rewatching the clips from it hits so much different#I really need to do a full rewatch someday I haven't watched the show in ages#Just episodes I love most or something random for the content making purposes which is certainly not the same as watching for pure enjoymen#I probably realized it long ago but I'm currently in the 'analyzing my life' state of mind#and this show means so much to me on a personal level too because it brings up so many important topics to me as a person#And it just does it so well it's clear to see that creators actually cared about the story they wanted to tell#And really EoA also has absolutely fascinating and unique worldbuilding#and in the combination of important not trivial messages and dynamic layered characters this is just such a solid show#It really deserved to get more recognition#I wouldn't even say attention because lots of attention may cause more harm than good#It's actually more about recognition and acknowledgement#Really I'm not even talking about what a huge impact being a part of the fandom has had on my life#it's worth the whole separate post#I'm just talking about the show itself and how great and meaningful it is#Anyway EoA warms my heart and I'm so happy I encountered this show
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Hello Neil!
Idk If you'll ever see this, but I really wanna say thank you because you and Terry made me fall in love with books.
Even if you talked to me a year ago about getting into reading, or how magical it can be, I probably would've totally shrugged you off, but after watching Good Omens season 2 and literally falling in love with the series (I watched the first series when I was 9 so didn't make the quite the same impact at that age) I ended up picking up the source material at my local bookshop. Imagine my surprise when I said to my friend what I was looking for, that two totally random strangers pointed at it immediately, and told me that as soon as they finished it they read it again straight afterwards. At the time I thought that seemed like a really weird thing to do. But anyway I picked up the book and went to buy it.
*sidenote during this whole interaction the friend I was with (who has never heard of or seen good omens) was being talked to by one of the nice people we met on who Michael Sheen was, sadly it was only when I googled him in a coffee shop afterwards she recognised him from twilight.
After reading Good Omens the book I had seen exactly why those people in the bookshop had read it twice in a row, because now I found myself doing the exact same thing!
Me from a year ago would never have believed, that for my 15th birthday last week, I asked for a graphic novel version of The discworld graphic novels because my maths teacher (surprisingly out of everyone) turned out to be a huge Fan on Terry Pratchett, and suggested it to me in class after talking about Good Omens.
This series and book have literally changed me as a person, so I just wanted to say again, thank you so much!!
That's Marvelous! Welcome to the fold.
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Health impacts of obesity, death feedee edition
TW: this is dark and very real, do not read if you are not ready to understand the consequences of feedism. And I really mean it. It may be f* scary.
You know I study physiotherapy at med school. And Im also a feedee, feeder, FA... Which means that mine internships in hospitals are pretty heavy and hard for me. I see all the impacts of obesity, or even morbid obesity on people and their health. On their life.
We are all talking about heart-attacks. Sure, your arteries getting clugged, atherosclerosis growing in your body and getting you closer to an early grave. But atherosclerosis does not cause only heart-attacks. It would be nice, wouldn’t it? Feeling your heart struggling, pain in your chest (which you deserve for being the pig you were), and pretty soon there is the end. Death.
But atherosclerosis can also cause strokes. And I don’t think you want that. Part of your brain gonna die, part gonna live. It can affect your motor functions, your ability to feel by touch, your ability to know where and how placed your limbs are, your speech, of course your ability to think. You may die, sure. Or you gonna survive and live way way worse life fully dependant on people around you… Did you know that?
You also might ruin your pancreas. Im sure that many of you already have insulin tolerance way higher than you should. Well diabetes mellitus is incoming if you will not change your lifestyle. It does not only mean that you will need to take insulin! It will also damage your nerves. Neuropathies are very common. DM can lead even to amputations of legs. And also an impact on eyes is very well known, you can become blind. Over all diabetes is a metabolic disease and it has huge impact on your whole body – nerves, organs, veins, everything.
Another effect of our feedee diet - your liver become fattier making it work less. And liver are very important organ! Liver steatosis can become cirrhosis, the organ will be very damaged. Btw it also gonna increase your blood pressure which has significant impact on probability of heart-attacks and strokes. Another thing – there can appear stones in your gallbladder. That is mainly caused by eating too greasy and fatty food. And this also can be very painful situation needing a surgery.
It is proved that obesity increases the risk of cancer, especially cancer in gastro-intestinal tract and urogenitals. One more thing that people do not want.
Not to mention your musculo-sceletal system. Arthrosis in joints (another painful thing restricting your daily life), unfit and stiff muscles, bones easier to break by your weight if you fall… And it will not hurt only when you move. But also when you lie in your bed getting stuffed to the brim once again. Who of you have never ever had back pain, mainly lower-back pain? It is not comfortable, is it? And it only gonna get worse if you don’t exercise.
There are also impacts on your skin but i'm not good in this field so can't say much about it.
I know it is a lot of fun to be a feedee. To gain, get fatter, heavier, softer. Getting out of breath easily? Oh f* yes please, it makes you so horny. But there is a huge impact on your health. Im sure you know it. But maybe you don’t know all the specific things that may happen. This is just a brief list of health complications that obesity brings. So if you are a death feedee, go on! Eat yourself to these diseases if that’s what you want. But be aware that your life probably will not end by a sudden quick heart attack. You will suffer many months and years due to many comorbidities till your body will give up on you. Are you ready for that long pain?
Wanted to let you know so that I can feel better when I actually encourage you to gain. You know, consent means that you agree while being aware of the consequences. If you want me to help you get morbidly obese I wanna be sure I warned you. And maybe (hopefully) this gonna help someone to stop gaining so much if they find out that they would not be happy. Because babes – I don’t want you fat in the first place. I want you happy.
That’s the reason why im drinking 700 kcal hot chocolate made of heavy cream while writing this article. It makes me happy to gain. It makes me happy being fat even though I know all of these things. And it also scares the s*it out of me. I fear it so much. I want it so much. Im not a death feedee in real life, will not let the kink kill me (I hope). But I definitely am a death feedee in fantasies, deep inside and sometimes it is really hard to find the difference between having fun and ruining your body.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I warned you it gonna be dark and real 🖤
Enjoy your life as you wish 💕 Give fully into hedonism or enjoy the parts of feedism that don't kill you - that is your choice. Your body. Your life. Your death.
~ Tessie
#dark feedism#dark feederism#death feedism.#death feedee#feedism health#health consequences#health concerns#feedee.#feeder.#feederism.#feedism.#feedee girl#gaining#fatter#getting fat#gaining weight on purpose#feederism health#feedism consequences
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I've already expressed my adoration of both designs of Telltale's Joker. But I just want to break down why they're so appealing to me.
In the game, John Doe goes through huge changes in his life that are expressed in his wardrobe. But the most dramatic change is at the last episode of the series. When he fully transforms into Joker.
Brian Matyas is a concept designer who had worked on both Batman Telltale games. He had posted some of his works on Artstation and Instagram.
[Brain Matyas Instagram Post]
https://www.instagram.com/p/BhucYx5lGCb/?img_index=1
(I suggest you read the entire post till the end.)
[John Doe]
As the game progresses in the story, players will probably take note of how John's wardrobe goes through the most changes compared to everyone else. But the key thing to note that stayed consistent in each episode was his half-fast way of buttoning/tucking-in his shirt and how progressively colorful his outfit was getting.
[Villain Joker]
There's a lot of things to break down about this outfit. First, Brian Matyas stated that Villain Joker was molded primarily by Bruce Wayne. Not Batman. Joker's business tie and fancy suit's purpose was to emulate Bruce's public persona of being a CEO (or, more simply, a person with power). Interestingly enough, Joker's gloves are basically the same kinds that Harley wears in game, as if it were to say now they're equals in their relationship (but obviously they're not). I've heard from others that gloves are symbolic of secrets, which describes how Joker has kept some information hidden from Harley.
The Villain Joker design is probably the most colorful one. His bright green hair, the 80 carpet patterns in his navy suit, the pop of hot pink, and the most disgusting looking dress-shirt I've ever seen. Jack Nicholas' influence isn't lost on me. This outfit screams bold and confident, and most importantly, free.
There are still elements of John Doe. The poorly done tucking and buttoning of Joker's shirt are there. But strangely enough, the strain of hair in front of his head is flipped. John’s was located on the right side while Joker purposely flipped it to the left. And that's not the only thing that's flipped. John's outfit consisted of a purple vest inside and a green/teal shirt outside. Now the pattern is switched with Joker, green shirt inside and dark navy suit outside. Subtle differences like this are led to believe that Joker wants Bruce Wayne to know that he's completely different from John Doe.
The last thing to talk about is his shaved eyebrow. I have no idea why he would do that. People have said it's because he wanted to express how much damage Bruce did to him. Personally, I thought it was like ‘girls making bad hair decisions after a breakup’ thing.
Although his design encompasses both Bruce Wayne and Harley Quinn's impact on his life. It's more leaning into Bruce.
[Vigilante Joker]
There's something about this design that always makes me feel so heartbroken. Not because it's a bad design but because of how much it reminds me how John had faith that if he lived up to Batman's standards that he would be able to maintain their friendship.
Brian Matyas said that he wanted the Vigilante Joker's silhouette to emulate Batman's. It's shown by how his hair and shoulders are curved to a point. Joker's makeup is a lot more gothic and is a lot more menacing than Villain's makeup. It also almost resembles the mask that typically Robin would wear.
Again, there are still elements of John Doe present here. But they are less noticeable than Villain's. Joker's left arm has stitches, (John has been seen wearing a vest that has a different color button then the rest) his shirt's collar isn't properly folded correctly, (John is practically never seen to maintain his dress-shirt collar properly) and he still keeps his vest unlike Villain route. (Although like Villain, there is a color swap with the green shirt and purple vest)
But one thing that jumps out to me is how dull in vibrate color he is compared to Villain Joker's or even John Doe's fourth episode outfit. I had to brighten up my screen in order to identify the smile patterns in his suit. Vigilante design is flashy, but it feels like he's being held back from fully expressing himself.
Joker never really understood Batman's moral code. For players to unlock the Vigilante route, they had to enable John's more violent tendencies. So his outfit only reflects the darker side of Bruce Wayne because that's what Joker believes to be what Batman wants from him.
Huge thanks to hemfbg. They were able to locate both Joker's concept art from Brian Matyas' Instagram.
[Hemfbg Telltale Community Post]
https://community.telltalegames.com/discussion/121009/concept-art-by-brian-matyas
#batman telltale#telltale batman#design analysis#Not really but who cares#sorry for any typos#wrote this at 2am
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Fell First & Fell Harder Pt. 2 - Blue Lock Chars.
you fell first, but they definitely fell harder
characters; oliver aiku, bachira meguru, gagamaru gin, shidou ryusei
tags; fluff, gn reader, no y/n
Oliver Aiku
"It's just you. I promise. No one else is in the picture."
He was faithful... to an extent. The most that he did, after all, was be too friendly with others—which could be mistaken for flirting. But all you could do was sit there and hope that he'd stop it soon.
Although, at some point you reach your breaking point. You bring it up again and it blows up into a huge fight. The conclusion was to have an indefinite break from each other.
In that time you were away from each other, he realizes how big of a fumble that was on his part. Now was the time he'd start missing you SO MUCH. It was so bad that he couldn't think of anyone else but you and he didn't even have the energy to entertain people that weren't you.
One day you two get to talking again and it leads to a mini reconciliation. He promises with his life that he'd take you more seriously and that you'd be the one and only person his attention would be on.
Bachira Meguru
"You're the cure to my boring life."
You quickly realize that he's not the type to be super serious about someone early on. He's not too experienced with dating, so he's complacent in the simple fact that you like him and he likes you.
Nevertheless, you love to indulge him with his whims. You were determined to be his ride-or-die and it showed. You supported him through every step he took, offering gentle pieces of advice every once in a while to keep him grounded.
There were rare occurrences when he'd be self-aware. He'd realize that sometimes he was going too fast without taking into consideration the feelings of other people. Then, he'd be hyper aware of what you felt towards him and your relationship.
Your impact in his life becomes more apparent in these moments. Bachira eventually begins to consider you more in his life—integrating you in everything that he does. In due course, football wasn't just an outlet for him, but also a way to make you proud of him.
Gagamaru Gin
"Love? Huh... I guess that's the word to describe it."
The falling harder part certainly took a while to happen. Similar to Bachira, Gagamaru doesn't have much experience in the world of dating. The idea never intrigued him, so he figured there was no point in entertaining it. But your persistent ass came along.
This would certainly be a first love type of scenario. The newfound feelings and experiences you had to offer him overwhelmed Gagamaru in a good way.
He had nothing else to compare this to; he believes your love is the one of the greatest things in his life (close competition with grilled meat).
Cannot get enough of you now. It's like a drug to him—addicting and it consumes it. Before you know it, he's absolutely worshipping the shit of you—doing everything in his power to make you the happiest human alive.
Shidou Ryusei
"You make it throb... my heart, I mean."
His previous relationships were also short-lived primarily because he was too intense (freaky) for his partners to handle. It was set in stone: starting now, he would never settle for anyone who cannot match his enthusiasm (freak).
Out of all of them, he's probably the one that falls harder the fastest. But it's no easy feat to achieve. You really need to capture his attention—make him fascinated by your very existence. Do those simple things and he's yours in a flash.
But here's the surprise—with him, there's another layer to it. Sure, he could be deeply interested in you. But can he be serious with you? Can he honestly say that he's committed to you? Those are important questions that pop up once you've been together for a while.
You only know that he's 100% serious about you when he can finally sit down and talk to you, heart-to-heart. His vulnerability is something that he would only show to the most special of special people in his life. That happens to be you.
o-sachi © 2024 pls do not translate/copy/reupload my work on other platforms
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Gavi asking the reader to be his gf (headcanon)
A/N: omg this is such a cute request
~~
Asking you to be his girlfriend would entail ...
Y'all want me to be honest?
Gavi is for sure most definitely the type of person to just assume that a girl he's been exclusive with is his girlfriend
He is not a huge fan of difficult conversations or uncomfortable situations, so he is never going to go out of his way to DTR (define the relationship)
You two had been going out for a while before he even asked about exclusivity
"So you're not like... seeing other guys, right? I mean it's okay if you are. Well not really. I mean I want you to stop if you are seeing other people, but like I won't be mad if you have done it before... right now I guess."
You'd giggle at his rushed out request, reassuring him that you weren't interested in seeing anyone else
"Everyone is too calm after being with you Pablo"
He had no idea whether he should be flattered by the fact that you liked him as much as he liked you, or insulted that you just called him hyper.
Six to eight months into the relationship, you would probably have to be the one to bring it up
"my roommates keep referring to you as 'the boyfriend'. They think they're funny."
This would be the most confusing sentence of Gavi's life. Was he ... not the boyfriend?
And that's exactly what he asked you.
"Why is it funny that they call me your boyfriend?"
"Because you're not my boyfriend?"
Pablo's phone clattered to the ground, and it took everything in you not to laugh.
"If this is your way of breaking up with me, it's not funny."
The look on Pablo's face was so heartbreaking that it made you get up from your seat, hugging his pouting face into your chest.
"I'm just messing around with you. You've never asked me to be your girlfriend, so I didn't want to jump to any conclusions."
Gavi: i am confusion
"You have to ask?" *eyebrow raise*
After asking his teammates (shyly and in private corners to avoid the teasing) it was true: he would need to ask you to be his girlfriend
"I don't know man, it just makes things seem more official." He complained to Ansu, who was absolutely not listening to a word he said, and Ousmane, who was engrossed in Pablito's love life
"But don't you want things to be more official? She's met the team, your parents, the la masia boys - I don't think the title will really impact things
Pablo didn't want to admit that the real reason he had neglected this question was just that he didn't feel comfortable enough sitting you down and talking about something this serious
So one night, while you were over at his house to watch the Argentinian national team play a friendly, he turned to you
He was in a hoodie, similar to you, with his feet propped up on the coffee table sharing chips from a bowl wobbling dangerously on the sofa
You had just finished yelling at the TV, a replay coming onto the screen
"Will you be my girlfriend?"
You blinked at Pablo slowly, processing what he had said to you
"What?"
"Okay I'll say it again. Will you be my girlfriend?"
"...what?"
"Please don't make me keep saying it I'm sweating bullets."
You restrained the smirk on your face, turning in your place to face him fully.
"Why do you want me to be your girlfriend, Pablo?"
A breath
He didn't think he would get this far
Or have to articulate something that felt so natural
It just felt so right to have you as his partner, to have you beside him, that he didn't think he would have to say that to you
"Well... I'm going to be honest, I have been thinking of you as my girlfriend since our like, second date. I just feel like we fit together. See like this, sitting here, being lazy with you, being around you, it just feels like... it's where I'm meant to be. Also it's easier to say 'hey I need tickets for my girlfriend' rather tha- why are you crying?"
The stretch of your cheeks with joy had prevented you from fully grasping the tears that rolled down your face
"I have no clue I'm really happy"
Hugs. Those ones where you grip each other really tightly like you don't want to fall into the abyss. The one where the lint of their shirt is literally your oxygen, and if you were any closer you would be one organism
Neck kisses. Y'all know the ones, but if you don't there's an example at the end
Hand holding with the thumb-rub for comfort. Yeah, y'all see the vision
"So, is that a yes?"
"Of course, stupid." which was said through sniffles
He literally stopped using your name after that
Only referred to you as 'my girlfriend'
"Oh me and my girlfriend went to.."
"My girlfriend said that..."
"Let me ask my girlfriend."
BONUS: when he won the Nation's League with the Spanish NT (sorry grandpappy Luka), he posted a million things onto his Instagram story, including the team singing along to Titi Me Pregunto by Bad Bunny
You swiped up on the story with: Si tengo muchas novia'?
His response: no, just one with múltiples personalidades
A/N: He just love a good smooch. Anyways it's 4:30am time ti go to bed. PLS Y"ALL i would rlly appreciate if you interacted with this post besides liking (comments/ reblogs) if you feel so inclined. Just a small thing that keeps people including myself motivated to write. JP9 in progress but not ETA due to Eid being next week. Love y'all <<33
#gavisuntiedboot#pablo gavi x reader#pablo gavi#pablo gavi imagine#gavi#gavi x reader#gavi x you#fc barca#gavi imagine#pablo gavi fluff#gavi fic#pablo gavi fanfiction#gavi fluff#gavi fanfic#pablo gavi x y/n#pablo gavi one shot#pablo gavi drabble#gavi barca#fc barcelona
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Long mickey and oswald talk.
love mickey and oswald because they are awesome brothers but truthfully i think they would be each other's best friend too. Yeah technically goofy and donald will always be mickey's best friends but more and more i notice that goofy and donald kind of stick together more often (kingdom hearts, ducktales, even a goofy movie implies donald to be goofy's best friend) and i think in-universe that's because mickey can be slightly more... unnaproachable? Mickey is either the super positive 'perfect' best friend or the most famous toon celebrity or a king OR all of the above. It IS a bit more difficult to be a normal toon and open up to him, and it's not Mickey's fault or even donald and goofy's fault, they all trust each other constantly, they are true friends, but it IS one of the reasons why i think he would end up being closer to Oswald
Oswald on the other hand is also really unnapproachable but for completely different reasons, Mickey is for reasons out of his control, meanwhile Oswald is like that because he constantly puts walls around himself. He isolates himself, he lashes out, his emotions and trauma impact his relationships constantly, he even decides to make himself king and tries to be a celebrity or a hero more than a person sometimes and ends up disconnecting himself from people even more. Oswald has friends and kids and wife, but it's not easy to really get Oswald, he has so much baggage that it's hard to know him, sometimes people might leave him alone because they might think that's what he would want?? Or what he needs right now?? He keeps being all alone not because of Mickey or the Blot or anyone, HE is doing this to himself at this point. And even after epic mickey i think he is still someone not always easy to connect with because he still struggles personally
This is why i think, yeah they kind of get each other perfectly. Mickey is not the 'perfect' friend to Oswald, he has seen him in one of his worst moments, he hated the guy, and he learned to love the guy, even when you choose the thinner path. He's had his whole life of acknowledging Mickey is a huge celebrity, it's not really something that would make him hesitant to interact with Mickey, it's something that he goes directly to Mickey and complains about (after epic mickey probably as a joke).
When it comes to Oswald, he kept venting and mocking and lashing out to Mickey, even almost betrayed him, and Mickey still stayed. He didn't hold resentment or is hesitant to interact with Oswald. I think Oswald is SO sincere all the time, for better or worse, that it makes Mickey more sincere too (that one part where he gets mad in the graphic novel is awesome, let him be mad at the rabbit). Oswald isolates himself and puts all the walls he wants, Mickey is the only one to climb up that mountain and still sticks around even when Oswald tells him to leave him alone
Like it's not just we want to see these characters together cause they are brothers and we like epic mickey, it's the fact that if Mickey Mouse ever needs to work as a duo, Oswald SHOULD be the guy. Oswald is SO essential to Mickey as a character, epic mickey told us the truth and now you can't try to hide it and never do anything with this again. I'm tired of them giving Oswald content without Mickey, you do NOT get this game at all
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lewis being interview by margot laffite for canal+ at the qatar gp '23
I act like a kid all the time. I’m not embarrassed about it; I love having fun. So that’s why, you know, I’m always skydiving, surfing or I’m skiing or I’m riding my bike or whatever might be, that’s me being a kid. And that’s something I refuse to ever let go.
transcript below :-)
So Lewis. I don't want today to talk about the World champion, the Formula 1 driver, I would like to talk about Lewis Carl Davidson Hamilton, if you don’t mind. Can you describe the kind of kid you were at home and at school? What kind of kid were you?
[Smiling] Did you ever had a show called Dennis the Menace?
Oh yes of course.
You did?
Of that kind, yeah. Denis la Malice.
I was like Dennis the Menace 2.0. [laughs] I was climbing trees, I was just always riding my bike down the fastest hill. Naturally super competitive in everything that I did and, uhm, my dad helped me concentrate that energy into racing and that’s where stability came.
We know you were a huge fan of Ayrton Senna, but did you watch like every single F1 race, documentaries about F1?
No, when I was a kid I only watched documentaries on Ayrton Senna, read his books. Anything to do with Ayrton I would have it, whether it was a coffee mug or, not that I drink coffee as a kid, but I was watching Gran Prix from like since I was like 4 with my dad on the weekends. Yeah, Sunday sitting with my dad watching races was one of the best times, I remember.
If you could go back in time, where and when would it be?
It would probably be when I was living with my mum, before I was 8, so, yeah.
You are running the world so, how difficult is it to build friendships?
Yeah, it’s definitely not the easiest I would say. My two closest friends are from school, yeah, they are my brothers. Places where I’ve found good friendships are obviously on my job, and then when I’m doing music, when I’m working with musicians, it’s just like a different realm and there I’ve built some incredible relationships also.
What does being a grown up mean to you? Is it like tiresome to be more conscious of the impact you have on things and people, rather than the pleasant innocence of being a child?
I act like a kid all the time. I’m not embarrassed about it; I love having fun. So that’s why, you know, I’m always skydiving, surfing or I’m skiing or I’m riding my bike or whatever might be, that’s me being a kid. And that’s something I refuse to ever let go.
When you play a game with some children, maybe your family, nieces and nephews, do you let them win?
No, I try to win! I just [laughs] and they are good, they are getting good, so I have to get my wins while I can. But, my dad never let me win anything when I was a kid. I think is good to learn how to lose anyways, so [laughs]
Are you always on time or sometimes you’re late?
No, I’m always late. The only time I’m ever on time is when I’m getting in the car to race. But like if I’m going for a flight, I’m always late. I don’t know, I like the limit, yeah. [jokingly] I like getting there around the limit, I like the rush.
What are your thoughts and feelings about Max Verstappen? The man he is, the kind of champion.
He’s done an exceptional job. I think the team has done an amazing job. Collectively they truly deserve the success. Max has been faultless this year, he’s not made any mistakes. I only hope that there’s a time when I’ll be able to put up a fight for him.
When you quit F1 would you still want race like Dakar or the 24 Hours of Le Mans?
I currently don't really have any, like, zero, like, feelings to do those things. I love motorbikes, I’ve always loved Moto GP, still love it today. I have 2 super bikes. I think I probably always just gonna take my bikes out. I won’t compete professionally in anything ever again. It takes 10,000 hours to be, you know, a master of something else. I wanna spend that 10,000 hours on being the best dad or something like that, you know, or running my businesses in the best way I can. Where all my energy and focus will go to. For now, I’ll continue to skydive, I’ll continue to surf, those are probably the, riding the bikes, surfing and skydiving, those are the 3 fun things that I’ll make sure I always do.
Merci Beaucoup, Lewis.
Merci.
It was a pleasure as always. Thank you.
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i guess it’s a little late for this but i have to say it anyway. not voting was never an option.
yes, the biden admin were a bunch of genocidal fucking maniacs, and kamala harris was a part of that administration.
but you are fooling yourself if you believe trump would be a "friend" to gaza or its citizens. his past policies and actions proudly tell us the story of why he’s a terrible fit if your concern is actually support for palestinian rights or humanitarian aid.
1. pro-israel bias: trump’s track record in the middle east is all about heavily favoring israel. he recognized jerusalem as israel’s capital, moved the u.s. embassy there, and stopped u.s. support for palestinian authorities when they opposed this move. he didn’t stop at leaders; he had no issue making life difficult for ordinary palestinians, as his administration also slashed aid to critical areas like healthcare and education. source
2. proposed “deal of the century”: the trump admin’s idea of a “peace” plan was, well, not actually a peace plan at all if you were palestinian. it offered palestinians limited autonomy and what could only be referred to as bribes, while allowing israel to colonize more of the west bank. this plan was entirely about satisfying israeli interests while refusing to address palestinian rights and autonomy. essentially, his idea was for palestinians settle for limited sovereignty in a state under israeli control… in exchange for money. source
3. cutting humanitarian aid to gaza: under trump, there were major cuts in humanitarian aid that massively affected life in gaza. basic needs like medical supplies, food, and education took a major hit. gaza’s already vulnerable communities saw conditions worsen because of these cuts, which came quickly after the opposition of palestinian authorities regarding his delegating jerusalem as the israeli capital. source
4. racist and anti-arab remarks: we all know trump has a long history of racist, anti-arab statements that add to why he’s probably not the person you think he will be for arab or palestinian causes. he has proposed enacting a muslim ban on multiple occasions, and actually attempted to put an executive order in place banning people from muslim majority countries from entering the question at one point. source
i could go on and on, but all in all, trump's past policies and proudly anti arab rhetoric lean overwhelmingly toward the fact that he has and would continue to support israel and blatantly disregard palestinian rights. he is not likely to change his approach.
let’s talk about what the decision not vote and to allow trump to win by default really means for marginalized communities. yes, there’s justified anger with the current administration’s actions regarding gaza. but again, trump, with his track record and policy history, isn’t the better choice for president. here’s why.
abortion rights: in his first term, trump appointed three conservative supreme court justices, which have direct correlation to the overturning of roe v. wade, which put abortion rights back in the hands of states. for millions of women, afab people, and people in need of reproductive care, this has put up huge barriers to essential health services. in some cases, traveling out of state for an abortion is the only option and yet, is often criminalized. source
lgbtq+ protections: trump’s policies put lgbtq+ rights at serious risk. he previously pushed for policies that limited protections for transgender people, from military service bans to “religious freedom” laws that made discrimination legal. some extreme and conservative justices are even willing to revisit obergefell v. hodges, which legalized same-sex marriage. i would strongly encourage familiarizing yourself with project 2025. source 1 // source 2 // source 3
environmental impact: trump’s environmental policy focused on industry over climate. he withdrew the u.s. from the paris agreement— and would do it again! he changed emissions standards and environmental rules, and has repeatedly brushed climate change off as a mere hoax. source 1 // source 2
there is undoubtedly blood on kamala harris’ hands. but do not fool yourself into thinking that donald trump will lift a finger to help gaza when he doesn’t even cate about the rights of minority americans. if either party will make an effort to change things in gaza, it’s harris, even if the effort is fucking half assed.
not voting is a privilege and it’s one we don’t really have if we’re thinking about the communities directly impacted by these policies. this election isn’t about being fucking happy. you can pick the lesser of the two evils and be unhappy with it. you can be pissed that we have to settle for an awful, genocidal person, but this isn’t the time to make your point because all it’s doing is harming people, and there is clearly a less evil side. this is about preventing harm, safeguarding rights, and ensuring vulnerable groups aren’t left defenseless against harmful policies.
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Why Caleb & Evelyn’s Absence is Good Writing
So if you don’t know me, I’m a big fan of Caleb and Evelyn (Clawthorne. Because I’m sure). I’m fascinated with their story -- I wrote an entire fic about them in 2022 before we even knew Evelyn’s name -- and I find them both incredibly interesting considering what is both shown about them and not. Despite that, I had a feeling that neither of them would make an appearance in Watching and Dreaming, and I was right.
Understandably so, some people were disappointed with that decision, that they were hoping for an entire flashback scene or something close to it. But while that also appeals to me -- oh my god does it appeal to me -- I also really enjoy the intangibility of it all.
So, I have three reasons as to why I like that Caleb and Evelyn didn’t show up again, which I’ll go through in no particular order. The rest of this post will be under a cut because it’ll probably get pretty lengthy.
1) Haunting The Narrative
Half of Caleb and Evelyn’s intrigue comes from the fact that in the end, we really don’t know all that much about them. Everything that we do know is from second-hand accounts at best and the rest of their story is up to your own singular interpretation; we only know the bare bones of their tale, but at the same time, they’re both extremely monumental to the main plot of the show.
They’re hardly ever shown centered on-screen (in Evelyn’s case, never), and again, despite their huge impact on the characters and world even 400 years later, it’s part of their charm that... they’re mysterious. You’re not meant to know much about them, not meant to perceive them as normal characters. Caleb never speaks in the show, Evelyn hardly even appears, and in the end, they’re not meant to be understood.
Caleb seems to have undergone some semblance of a redemption, but that’s only alluded to considering how he ends up dead; the implied is everything, and getting a concrete answer would, in my opinion, ruin part of what makes this story so fascinating.
Of course, the biggest argument I’ve seen against this idea is that casual viewers of the show, the ones who don’t care about combing the background of Hollow Mind for lore about Emperor Belos’ big brother, will be confused without the lack of context. And... I disagree.
Sure, maybe some people haven’t seen the portraits from Hollow Mind, but they’ve certainly seen Caleb when Gus went through Philip’s mind in King’s Tide. Maybe they missed the book about Grimwalkers in Labyrinth Runners, but they definitely caught Caleb in Philip’s diary during Elsewhere and Elsewhen. Then, in Thanks to Them, there’s an entire scene in which Masha very kindly gives an entire summary on the topic, tipping off both the main characters and anyone else in the audience who may be confused.
The story’s all there, both in the background and in the forefront of the show, and it’s weaved in so beautifully that it’s hard for me to believe that anyone would see Caleb in For the Future (of which is a scene I will be talking about soon) and have absolutely no idea who he is.
So in the end, I think having a more clear understanding of the going-ons that set everything into motion would be almost doing a disservice to the fans who have spent their time piecing things together and it’s also not really necessary in the first place. It’d be nice, and I’m sure I would have gone even more insane with more to analyze, but with the way this show has always portrayed Caleb and Evelyn, them fading into obscurity in the final episode just seems... fitting.
2) Philip Doesn’t Really Deserve Closure
It’s a simple fact: Philip Wittebane is kind of a fucked-up guy.
Besides a flashback scene, another idea for a potential Caleb and Evelyn appearance that I saw tossed around most was this: it’s the end, Philip’s about to be defeated, and in the interim, he sees his brother one last time.
Either he’s given forgiveness or not, Caleb being present at his lowest moment would undoubtedly mean something to Philip; over the centuries he’s spent a significant amount of time trying to remake his brother -- to make him better -- and no matter how you feel about him, Philip is a tortured soul. Perhaps Caleb could help him accept his inevitable death, perhaps he could have one last chance for Philip to have a moment of genuine vulnerability.
He’d die with the ghost of his brother and the ghost of his brother’s wife looking over him, and he’d die content... maybe.
Or you can go the other route:
On the other hand, maybe Philip goes to his death kicking and screaming the whole way, with Caleb and Evelyn staring him down as he’s ultimately annihilated for good. The tale of two brothers is over, and while Caleb is the one who perished first, centuries ago now, it’s Philip who is undoubtedly the one who loses in the end.
The last thing Philip sees is his brother’s hateful, tired face, and he dies with that image.
Of course, that’s the one that sounds better to me; Philip is not a villain you could ever redeem (a cruel upbringing will not excuse everything) and to even make an attempt at it would feel cheap and be completely unaligned with ToH’s core values, which actively (and correctly) condemn people like him.
The problem with both of these ideas, different as they are, is that both of them give Philip a sense of closure that he simply does not deserve to have been rewarded with. Either way, he knows for sure how his brother would feel about him -- or, at the very least, how he believes his brother should feel about him -- and it’s just that, the knowing, that rubs me the wrong way.
In the end, the last time Philip sees his brother is in this scene in For the Future, and it’s safe to say that there’s no actual closure or anything close to it here. Whether or not you believe this is actually Caleb or just Philip hallucinating him (personally I subscribe to the latter), it doesn’t really matter because the idea stays the same.
Philip spends this scene snarling curses at his unyielding brother -- who seems to be, notably, his younger self, given his hair length -- while also actively melting away in front of his eyes. Philip is the one who’s alive, Philip is the one who (he believes) is on the right side of history, and yet Philip is also the one on his knees, his entire body disintegrating slowly due to his own choices.
As the episode continues, it’s shown that Philip is seeing Caleb and the other Grimwalkers that he’s likely killed as well, and they’re clearly more of a taunt to his already-collapsing mental state than anything else. Again I reassert my opinion that they’re not actually there, that they’re simply Philip hallucinating in one of his weakest moments yet, and because of that, there is no answer given.
They stare; he tells them to “Shut up” and they don’t react in the slightest. They watch and they stare and they dare him to care about them in any way and the entire scene is just... a precipice. Eventually they disappear for good, and Philip moves on without even trying to process this phenomenon.
Basically what I'm saying is that Caleb appearing in Philip’s last moments would give him too much credit. And that actually leads us right into the final point I want to make, which is this:
3) Caleb Wasn’t Actually That Important To Philip
In the long run, at the very least.
Now hear me out. When I say ‘important’, I don’t mean that what happened with Caleb didn’t have long-lasting effects on Philip, because that’s simply not true; otherwise, my entire last point would be meaningless. Obviously, it’s Caleb (and to a lesser extent, Evelyn) who can be credited with initially setting Philip down this path; Caleb was probably the most stable thing in Philip’s early life, and losing him in a way that felt like abandonment -- and then killing him -- is undoubtedly something that would stick with you for a lifetime, 400 years or not.
But Caleb’s death is also largely an excuse.
Much in the same way that “saving humanity” is an excuse for Philip to commit the atrocities he does, Caleb’s betrayal pushing him towards that path and his subsequent attempts at bringing him back are also an excuse.
Here’s the thing: if Philip was genuinely passionate about remaking his brother -- but better -- then he’d care about the Grimwalkers more than he does. If Philip actually considered every Grimwalker a potential Caleb that he could just fix, then he would not have been able to dispose of them so coldly. There’s dozens of their corpses piled under the Skull, yet he only even commits to memory a rare few. Even Hunter, the closest to Caleb a Grimwalker’s ever gotten, was given a Sigil! A Sigil, which tells me that no matter what, no matter how perfect Hunter may have turned out, Philip was never going to let him survive the Day of Unity.
True, there’s definitely a part of Philip that hates the Grimwalkers because they can’t be Caleb, at least not in the way he thinks he needs (which is impossible, but I digress) there’s also a part that I think is just... carrying on because this is what he’s done for the past few centuries. It’d feel like giving up on himself to give up on the prospect of having Caleb beside him again, but there’s no passion anymore.
In the end, I think Papa Titan said it best:
“...That man doesn’t care about anything but his need to be the hero in his own delusion.”
That’s exactly it. Philip believes himself as the hero of the story, as someone who’s been suffering for centuries but will one day finally get the ending that he deserves. He goes through all of this not because he wants to go home and not because he wishes he could return to the life he and his brother once had, but because he so desperately wants to believe in the delusion that he is a person doing all the things he does for good.
You don’t live for over 400 years working towards a singular moment without at least having the thought that maybe what you’re doing is incorrect. But Philip has never let those supposed doubts stop him, and by the time the series is ending, nothing matters except his goal -- to see the destruction of every last witch and demon on the Boiling Isles.
Which is why, in this final scene of his, there’s not a single mention of his brother. His brother, who he’s spent the last 400 years trying to save; his brother, who, by learning to be better, essentially kickstarted Philip’s entire goal, but it became so twisted so quickly as Philip subconsciously decided that he was the only one who could ever fix things.
To put it simply: Philip’s only ever been concerned with himself. His idea of morality, his vision of the Boiling Isles, his opinions on the witches that live there. Nothing else matters; Caleb is a crutch to fall back on and so is the idea that Philip’s saving anyone, it’s all just more vindication to feed into his hero complex, because he’s the only one that really matters. He’s human and Luz is human and so they’re redeemable, but he stopped seeing Caleb as human the moment he saw him with Evelyn.
In the end, I feel as if it’s almost safe to say that Caleb and Evelyn as constructs are more important to the all-encompassing plot than they are to Philip specifically; they set him on his path, sure, but his descent into madness almost feels inevitable, death of his brother or not. He blames his own misfortune on them, and the fact that they're never quite seen makes Philip’s villainous qualities that much more emphasized, I think.
Overall, I loved Watching and Dreaming and I loved ToH and I think the characters of Caleb and Evelyn are some of the most haunting I’ve ever encountered, literally and metaphorically.
Their story is largely up in the air, but it still gets told, you just have to look for it. That's their charm, that’s why they’re interesting to me, and that’s why I am content with getting the amount we got of them.
#lmfao me jokingly putting this through a word counter like. 400 words or smth right???#[2095]......#thats probably fine#toh#toh spoilers#the owl house#the owl house spoilers#philip wittebane#emperor belos#caleb wittebane#evelyn clawthorne#luz noceda#smokey speaks#500
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another random question but what do you think would have happened if scully had never gotten abducted?
i love this question. i mean, long-term, it would have changed *a lot*. no cancer arc, which would be the biggest and most obvious change. but what would it have changed right then and there? the abduction definitely impacted their partnership and their friendship.
in one way, it brought things to the surface, especially for mulder. he wasn't unaware of her importance in his life before the abduction. telling his tape recorder that he could only trust himself and now he can only trust her? telling her that the only reason he could see to stay with the fbi was if they were working together? he was already relying on her presence in his life. a lot. but when she was taken from him, i think he felt a fear and despair that he would not have anticipated. it's one thing to know you need someone who is right there, and who will set up secret meetings in a parking garage, and who, even if you *can't* right now, is someone you know deep down you *could* reach out to. it's another thing to need someone who is gone.
so in that way, i think he did become aware that he was feeling more than he had realized. and that realization definitely had an impact on their relationship. but there's another side to it:
the abduction was the first time he became aware of *his* role in *her* life. and what he saw there wasn't good. because mulder being mulder, of course he takes responsibility, of course he blames himself. the fact that none of it was his fault doesn't matter. this is when he realizes that their quest, *his* quest, is putting her in real, life-threatening danger. and that thought never leaves him again. we see that guilt that takes root in his mind there all the way up into the revival. so that is a huge thing. he would have eventually found other things to blame himself for. mulder takes things personally and holds himself accountable for things that are completely outside of his control. so if it hadn't been this, it would have been something else. because things would still have happened to her. but being abducted and being gone for that long and coming back on the brink of death? that, for lack of a better expression, really fucked them both up in a big way.
so, what is my answer to your question? i don't know. i mean, for one, scully's side of the story is still completely missing from this. i find that a lot harder to unpack. if anyone wants to analyze that, i'd love to hear your thoughts! but also, both these things i talked about could have affected them in any number of ways. it comes down to likelihoods and probabilities. in the end you never know for sure how a person will react to a situation until after they've done it. and you don't know how not going through an experience might change them. and no headcanon any of us might have will tell the story as it would have happened with 100% certainty because human behavior is simply too complex and complicated to predict with any kind of accuracy.
if mulder hadn't been pushed through external circumstances to confront his feelings in that way, if he hadn't carried her cross, held her hand fearing it might be the last time, that would have taken a huge weight off both of them. there might have been a greater ease to their relationship. mulder wouldn't be feeling that guilt. scully wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath of all of that. the abduction, in my opinion, brought them closer to each other, but also served as an obstacle on their way forward, because it's quite something to move on from, more so since it brought feelings to the surface that neither of them was ready for.
*i personally* think the abduction strengthened the bond between them but weakened the foundation of their relationship. because of that added guilt and the fact that they were not ready to confront certain feelings. i think his fear of losing her is something that came to define him. and he kept almost losing her. if that hadn't happened? things between them could have progressed at an easier pace. their friendship, and the love they feel for each other. but honestly, i have no idea. but i had a lot of fun thinking about this.
#thank you for the ask! <3#i love those random asks so keep them coming if you want :)#adding because i didn't want to add it to an already long post:#i think the s2 abduction is already a factor in their breakup#throughout the years they keep having to run to stay ahead of their feelings#they never get the time to arrive anywhere at a natural pace#the love is there but the relationship is built on a shaky foundation#that's what they need to work on and what they do work on eventually
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The Widow - Chapter Eight (Finale)
Chapter Eight
Summary: Sam and Y/N are happily married, but everything changes after a fatal car accident leaves her a widow. The Winchester motto: "Family Don't End with Blood," takes on a whole new meaning for Y/N as she navigates her new normal with the help of her brother-in-law, Dean. But what no one can tell her, is what happens when she falls in love again?
Pairing: Sam Winchester x F!Reader (past) | Dean Winchester x F!Reader
Warnings: angst, language, feelings, heart-to-heart, fluff, kissing
Words: 2,641
A/N: That's all folks! Thank you all for reading and for coming on this journey with me. I appreciate all of you more than you know! 💖 I'm sure going to miss these two, but it was fun getting them to where they needed to go.
Huge thank you again to my gorgeous beta: @negans-lucille-tblr I’m not sure this would’ve even been posted without your encouragement, and thank you doesn’t seem like enough 😘
Now… go and grab those tissues!!
You can catch up here!
My Masterlist AO3 Ko-Fi
Y/N’s POV
The first few minutes in the car are spent in awkward silence and it kills you. The relationship you have with Dean has always been easy and to think it’s been damaged beyond repair makes you sad.
“So…” Dean finally breaks the silence between you when you stop at a red light. “Good lunch?” He glances over at you and you scoff.
“That’s where you wanna go here? How was lunch?” You laugh, but it’s not the humourous kind.
“If you don’t mind, I’d much rather we get to the point and just agree that last night was a mistake and won’t happen again. So let’s do that, let’s pretend it never happened, not talk about it ever again and try to go back to the way things were.” You finish and turn your head to look out the car window.
“Before we do that, I need to say something. Last night meant everything to me,” he looks over at you and waits until you turn back towards him and meet his gaze. “Everything, Y/N. I don’t know when it happened, but I do know when I realised I was in love with you.”
“Dean…” you mutter. His words shock you, that’s about as much as you know right now, and you’re glad Dean ignores the interruption and continues talking, because you have no idea how to respond.
“It was when your car broke down on the hottest damn day of the year,” he chuckles at the memory, “and you called me for a tow. I was driving down the road you were stopped on, and I saw you sitting on the hood of your car, and you looked so beautiful. I swear you were glowing in the sunlight. It was like you had a goddamn halo or something! And my heart just stopped, and I thought ‘shit, I’m in trouble here,’ since then, I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re the first thing I think of when I open my eyes in the morning and the last before I fall asleep. Fuck… I tried to stop, I swear I did…
“I know this is hard for you to hear and it’s probably the last thing you want to deal with right now and that’s okay. But, I need you to know you were not a mistake, sweetheart. I don’t regret what we did and I never will. I know we have something that could work if you give us a chance, because you can’t fake the kinda connection we had last night. But if you want to pretend last night never happened and go back to how things were, then I’ll do that for you… but if I’m right and you feel something more for me, please, tell me.”
You remain silent and take in his confession. He’s right, you do have feelings for him, the trouble is, you don’t know if you can trust yourself. Are they real feelings, or are you mistaking them for the comfort and familiarity Dean gives you?
And then you ask yourself where this can even go. He’s your husband’s brother; people will talk. And it’s not that you care what they’ll say necessarily, there are other factors involved here. Including how John will feel, and the impact such a “scandal” could have on the family business. More importantly, though, you don’t know if you can do that to Sam.
“You know what? Forget I said anything. Your silence says it all, Y/N. Let’s just sweep last night under the carpet and chalk it down to bad judgement,” you know Dean is hurt because his voice comes out weak and defeated and you despise yourself for it.
“It wasn’t,” it’s barely audible, but at least you got something out.
“Wasn’t what?” Dean asks.
“Bad judgement,” you clarify. “And I do feel something for you, I just…” you sigh, and let your thoughts hang in the air as you try and decipher what this all means and what the best thing to do is.
“Alright,” Dean nods his head. “When we get home, we’re going to talk about all of this, okay?” Dean fixes his gaze on you and you nod in agreement. “We need to lay our cards on the table and hear each other out. It’s the only way we’ll be able to get past this, whatever this is, or ends up being.”
Again, you know he’s right. You need to get it all out in the open and be completely honest with each other because it’s the only way you’ll be able to keep Dean in your life.
“Okay,” you agree with a nod.
You go back to spending the journey in silence, but it’s not quite as heavy and suffocating as before, and you have the tiniest glimmer of hope that everything will work out just fine.
Sitting on your sofa next to Dean, you hand him a tumbler with a decent measure of whiskey and untuck the bottle from under your arm to place it on the table. In a bid for more time, you take a long sip from your wine glass as you desperately try to figure out what the hell just happened and how you ended up in this position. Dean speaks first and you sigh in relief as you’re at a complete loss for words.
“I just wanna start by saying I meant what I said,” Dean begins. “All of it,” he adds before you can question him. “I have fallen in love with you, and last night did mean the world to me.” With that, he downs the whiskey in one gulp and refills his glass. Now, at least you have your first question.
“So why didn’t you stay with me? Why did you get up and drink all night?” you ask quietly.
“We got so caught up in the moment, and neither of us even stopped to think,” he looks down at the floor and you can see and feel the shame radiating from him in waves.
“When we were finished and you were sleeping in my arms, it was like everything came crashing back to reality. I felt guilty for doing that to Sam, I felt ashamed for taking advantage of you when you were upset, I knew I’d ruined things between us and I knew I had no one to blame but myself.
“I didn’t mean to stay away all night,” Dean says, looking at you for the first time since he’d started to explain himself. “I only intended to have one or two to help me sleep, but I got upset and… two became four, and well… you saw me this morning.”
“You know you didn’t take advantage of me, right? That if I didn’t want it to happen, it wouldn’t have?” you ask him, reaching a hand out to cup his cheek and pushing gently to make him look at you. “Dean, I swear to you, I wanted it too…” you begin, but a scoff from the green-eyed man next to makes you frown.
“So this morning was what?” He looks at you pleadingly, like he was silently asking you to tell him that he hadn’t been a mistake.
“One big miscommunication, apparently,” you chuckle sadly. “Dean, when I woke up this morning, the first thing I felt was guilt for doing that to Sam. And when I turned over to seek you out, to get some comfort and to be told we didn’t do anything wrong, I was met with a cold bed.
“Fine, I thought, maybe he feels some of the guilt I do and was awake early, or couldn’t sleep… but when I came downstairs and saw the empty bottle and the bloodshot eyes, I went to the worst thing I could think of. Regret. And I went on the defensive, and for that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left without talking to you.”
“And I should’ve never left you alone. I’m truly sorry, sweetheart. Not once did it cross my mind that you’d feel the way you did. You know, knowing that makes me feel worse than the guilt ever could.” Dean’s words are full of sincerity and you nod, believing everything he’s told you tonight.
“Okay, so we both agree we did nothing wrong and that it wasn’t a mistake, but I still feel like we haven’t resolved this,” you say looking up at him. Dean nods his head in agreement, but remains silent, staring at you intently. You know this part is up to you–he’s already told you how he feels–but you stall by taking a few more sips of wine.
“I know Sam is gone, and no matter how much I want it, he’s never coming back. I know he’d want me to be happy and to find someone to love and who loves me,” you glance up at Dean and see hope in his expression. “But I feel like I’d be cheating on him or something if that person is you. And,” you continue quickly, wanting to get everything out at once, “I don’t know if I really feel what I feel for you, or if I’m confusing your familiarity with Sam for real feelings.”
Dean nods and reaches his hand out to stroke your cheek. “I understand that, sweetheart. I feel the same way, but you’re right, he’d want you to be happy, and if that ends up being with me, then we’ll get through it together. And if it isn’t with me, then I’ll help you get through it.”
You think about what Dean said, your heart filling with hope that no matter what, he’d still have your back. “How do I know if what I feel is real?”
“Well, sweetheart,” he chuckles, “I can’t help with that, that’s gotta be all you. Only you know how you feel and what’s real or not.”
Placing your wine glass on the coffee table, you shift closer to Dean and tentatively place your head on his shoulder. You smile as you hear him sigh happily.
“C’mere,” he opens his arms and lets you cuddle into his chest before putting his arms around you and kissing your forehead. The warmth and safety of Dean’s embrace spreads over you like you’ve just lay down in a hot bath, and it makes you hum in pure contentment.
His arms squeeze you tighter into his body and you find yourself raising your head to look at him. Really look at him. His bright green eyes show you nothing but tenderness. You scan your eyes over the freckles that dust his face like a beautiful, undiscovered constellation; he truly is a stunning man.
Dean licks his lips, bringing your attention to them and your memories drift to last night and how those lips felt on yours and your body. Slowly, you tilt your head and move closer to him, gently pressing your lips to his.
Hesitantly, Dean opens his mouth and you take him up on his invitation, deepening the kiss and moaning as your tongues meet. The kiss is gentle and slow, neither of you in a rush to be anywhere but right here at this moment.
With your lips still attached to his, you straddle him and settle down in his lap. Feeling the beginnings of a bulge in his jeans, you grind your core into it, smirking at his groan.
“Y/N, sweetheart.” Dean is breathless, and you find the effect you have on him intoxicating. “If you want a repeat of last night, I’m all yours, but I need to hear you say it.”
“I want you, Dean.”
Six Weeks Later
“Hey, handsome,” you smile. “It’s been a while and I’m sorry for that,” you say as you sit cross-legged at Sam’s grave. “I’ve had some things going on that I needed to work out,” you pause and pick at the strands of grass around you.
“Something happened that I never thought would. I fell in love again. He makes me happy, Sammy. And I know he’s a good man and he’ll treat me right. If he doesn’t I’ll kick his ass,” you chuckle. “Then I’ll come here and beg you to haunt him!” your smile quickly turns to a sob.
“It’s Dean, Sam. I fell in love with Dean but I didn’t mean to. It just happened. And I need you to know that I never…” you need to stop talking to make way for the tears that won’t stop falling.
“I never felt that way about him when you were here. And I need you to know that. This is new and unexpected for both of us. I’ll always love you, Sammy, and I miss you. So fucking much every goddamn day! It’s just that I love him too. And I hope you can forgive me.”
You sit in silence for a while, just being. You know you should leave soon. Dean and John are waiting and you know they’ll be starting to worry about you. Movement catches your eye and you turn your head to see a butterfly fluttering nearby.
It lands on Sam’s gravestone and you smile, feeling a childlike joy at seeing the red admiral so close and so late in the year, even with the mild fall.
It remains perched and unmoving for a while longer before it flies over and lands on your knee. That’s when you know that this beautiful creature is a sign, and that Sam is with you.
You can feel him next to you, and you have the overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be alright and that he approves of you and Dean. The red admiral takes flight once again and circles your body.
You don’t know if it’s a laugh that erupts or if it’s a sob–maybe it’s a mixture of both–but it’s something, and you feel at peace with yourself and everything around you as you sit by his grave.
All too quickly, the butterfly takes off and flutters back into the nearby shrubs.
“I love you, Sam. Always and forever,” you say as you kiss your fingers and place them on his headstone before standing up and brushing the dirt from your jeans.“I’ll be back soon. I promise not to leave it so long next time.”
Walking away, you feel lighter than you have in a long time, and you know that finally, you’re at peace with your husband's death and with the path that has led you to looking forward to a life with Dean.
“Hey, sweetheart, you good?” Dean asks as you wrap your arms around his waist and hug him tight. You can’t bring yourself to speak, so you nod against his chest and once more you let the tears fall, knowing that this time, they’re happy tears.
“You’re alright, Y/N, I’m right here.” Dean murmurs, and you feel another hand stroking your back.
“Sam would be happy, you know that, don’t you darlin’?” John asks. “For both of you.”
Pulling away from Dean’s embrace, you wipe your tears away and smile, “I know he is.”
You saw a red admiral at every big life moment after that day at his grave. You saw one the day Dean proposed, and again at your small, intimate wedding. One flew in the kitchen window on the day you found out you were expecting your first child, and one appeared on the day you found out about the two that came next! On every birthday and holiday, on the day you gave birth to each of your children, and on their first days at school.
It gave you immense comfort, and though at first Dean, John, and Jody put it down to coincidence, after the first few times it happened, they started looking for the butterfly on the special days too.
THE END
@deans-spinster-witch @muchamusedaboutnothing @kazsrm67 @twinkleinadiamondsky @waters-2567 @leigh70 @waynes-multiverse @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @chriszgirl92 @stoneyggirl2 @marilynnlew @ilovedean-spn2 @deans-baby-momma @acitygrownwillow @xxsovereignsarayaxx @frozenhuntress67 @lacilou @rach5ive @iprobablyshipit91
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The Book Of Bill
This is kind of random, but I want to go on a little rant about The Book Of Bill. Fist off, I love the book. I haven't finished it since I really want to take my time with it, but it's so funny and gives us a lot of insight on Bill and his life. Also, toxic old man yao-
But what I really want to talk about is the fact that a lot of Christians and parents are freaking out over it. I am not in fact a parent (thank God) but I am a Christian. One who loves and follows God, but is also a huge nerd so I'm really into things like Gravity Falls. I'm also a 'young' Christian, but have been following God for years and years of my life, so I feel like I know enough to talk about this.
Fist off, the fact that parents are getting mad over the more 'mature' themes in the book. Baby girl, the book and Alex Hirsch said it was for older audiences. I understand people associating Bill Cipher as a kids character, since Gravity Falls is deemed a 'kids show', but if there's a content warning given by the book, you should probably listen. It wasn't really a surprise, since it gave a content warning. And above all, you should have been paying closer attention to what type of media your kids consume. Yeah, you're probably busy, but I somehow highly doubt your kid has their own debit card to buy the book on amazon, and even more so doubt that they went to the store by themselves to buy the book with pocket cash. Anyways, the point is, it has a content warning saying that it is geared towards older audiences, so don't be mad at the book or Alex Hirsch.
Now when it comes to the 'Christian outlook' on all of this, a lot of Christian have been debating on whether it's okay for Christians to watch the show since it has themes of demons, summoning's, and things of that sort. For me personally, I think if you're worried about it negatively impacting your kid, wait until they're older to let them watch it. Realistically, Gravity Falls probably would have scared the crap out of younger me since I was a little weakling lol. But when I got older and had a firm grasp on my own beliefs and watched Gravity Falls, I didn't suddenly become a Satanist or get possessed. And if you're a Christian whos a teenager or even a young adult and wants to watch Gravity Falls without compromising your relationship with God, I want you to keep some things in mind as you make your own decision.
First off, one mistake wont ruin your relationship with God. This I can promise. I've watched a lot of shows that I probably shouldn't have, and they've affected me in a bad way, but never has God pulled away from me or made me start over. If you start watching a show and feel like it's wrong, just stop watching it and move on. God wont hold a grudge. Secondly, Bill Cipher isn't a 'real' demon. He's a fictional character who is a demon in the fictional show, but he's not based off of a real demon from what I've seen. The fourth wall breaking where he talks to the reader in the Book Of Bill is just a fun twist to the whole thing. Yeah, obviously you don't want to give your blood or mind to an evil triangle Dorito demon in real life (even if he is super dapper with his lil' hat and bow tie), but again, it's fictional. I apply this rule to basically everything, meaning I'm gonna watch Beetlejuice Beetlejuice because he isn't based off a real demon, just a fictional one. Now, the last point is that ultimately it's your choice. Hate to break it to you and all those possibly controlling/judgmental family members, but your walk with God is- big shocker- between you and God. It's like how no one can really tell you have to have a relationship with your significant other. Whatever works for the two of you, works for the two of you, and might not work for others. I feel that it is okay for me to love Gravity Falls since I'm not doing anything bad, and I'm not letting it take the place of God if you know what I mean.
Anyways, if you made it this far, congrats. If you're wondering why I posted such a long message about Christianity on my blog about goofy video games/movies/shows/etc., then you're perfectly correct for wondering so. (More yapping ahead, please read this part).
Like I said before, I am a Christian. I've not always been a Christian despite being raised as one, because at some point in our lives we have to question all that we've been thought, and find our own footing. Now, one of the things I am extremely passionate about (besides good story telling and art) is correcting and calling out lies and faults in the church. 'But, Crisp! Isn't that going against church and therefore God!?' Uh, no. If someone was straight up lying about you, wouldn't you want your friend to correct them? And even more so, if you were being lied to, especially in a way that was harming you, wouldn't you want to be corrected?
I am by no means perfect, not even close, and I am nowhere near the level God is at. But I can say that I've spent many years of my life witnessing people who are supposed to be the carriers of love and hope, be the most hateful, fearful people on Earth. Like any group of people, there are good people, and bad people. I want those who want to try out Christianity to be able to see God for who he truly is, and those who are already following God to not be afraid as I was taught to be originally.
Now, worry not, my little buttercups, this isn't randomly going to change into a Christian blog where I'm beating you with the Bible since, quite honestly, that is the last thing I want to be doing. I just want to be super upfront with you all, and provide a place where Christians and none-Christians alike can just co-exist and talk about nerdy things. That being said, I don't care if you're not a Christian, I don't care if you don't agree with everything I say. Love is the most important thing to me, so I want everyone to be able to come together and nerd out about things like Gravity Falls and such. But every now and then I'll make a little (enormous, holy sweet pineapple baby I wrote so much) post like this.
That being said, my apologies for hitting you with such a big piece of text first thing in the morning, lol. But if you made it this far, thank you so much for reading my little (again, enormous) rant. I hope you don't see me as some brainwashed, Bible beating person disguised as a lore freak. I promise I'm not. lol. That being said, I will not tolerate any hate what-so-ever. I don't care from whom towards who, it's entirely wrong. If I find out you're hating on someone I will immediately try and figure out how to remove you (I'm new to Tumblr, spare me the glares).
Anyways, thanks for reading, folks. I hope to see you on a more 'light-hearted'/nerdy topic. I hope you understand everything I wrote here, lol, don't be afraid to ask me any questions, I love yapping as you can tell.
#bill cipher#gravity falls#my take#my thoughts#christianity#Christian advice I guess#yapping#just yappin#ramblings#im tired#dont hate me#Mr. Yappington#You don't have to read all this but if you did thank you so much here is your chocolate milk#the book of bill#book of bill#faith#ironic to put those two together lol#i have no life
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What are your opinions on each of the songs? (you can answer with as much or as little detail as you'd like)
Big shocker that the songs from the 2 good episodes are in S and the only one that isn’t is still B tier/sar
The first 2 songs in S made me either tear up/shake violently or cry, and therefore they deserve to be up there IMO. Out for love is also just genuinely catchy and had actual build up to it. Also God “Ready for This” just. OOUGGGHHH IT SCRATCHES MY BRAIN SO GOOD LIKE A WARRIOR CATS MAP. I like it a lot. You cant have multiple characters sing about working together and expect me to NOT cry.
“Stayed Gone” isn’t one I listen to often but it’s so peppy and fast and full of hatred I can’t help but enjoy it. Also everytime the song starts my brain does this
I dont know anything about Welcome Home
I have. Issues. With “Loser, Baby” but aside from those the song holds a lot more weight to it than I usually give it credit for. And for as cheesy as the start if it is, the line before of Angel talking about self destructing resonates with me a lot. Also Husk lays down in a puddle of vomit and no one talks about that ever.
I think the first song in B is “Happy Day in Hell” and I’m adding it there 1. Because it is the first song 2. It gets a reprise thing 3. Charlie almost gets hit by a truck. Other than that it’s not really my favourite but I respect the impact it has.
“Hell is Forever” just fucks. End of story. Alex Brightman killed it.
“Respectless” is good I love Velvette’s VA, but the sudden start of the song and the ending are so out of left field the first time me and my friends watched this show we had to pause cause we lost our fucking minds. Could’ve been better but I’d listen to it again, yeah.
“Hell’s Greatest Dad” is silly and funny and maybe I’m biased as a violin player and jazz enjoyer but a lot of the instrumental tickles my brain so nicely. I will say though it confuses me so much because why does Alastor care about being seen as a father figure?? My mom said it could just be him wanting to show up Lucifer and that’s it but I dunno.
“More than Anything (Reprise)” AKA “Charlie and Veggie Kiss Scene - Hazbin Hotel”
This song sounds like it’s straight out of Barbie & Th Diamond Castle and I’m honestly pissed the girls in the movie didn’t kiss so I’m coping with this. ALSO THE FACT ITS A REPRISED SONG ABOUT LOVE MAKES ME A BIT CRAZY. I never noticed this was the same song Lucifer sang to Charlie SOMEHOW but that’s actually really cute.
“It Starts With Sorry” Has a big part in Sir Pentious’s character growth and just his character in general. I’ve been working on this in my Pentious rant but I never see people mention how much this song probably meant to him. Yeah it’s super corny, but he was fully expecting to be killed and had just been told to kill himself. This was definitely huge for him and I’m not gonna be convinced otherwise.
“You Didn’t Know” is really good but Lute’s part is by far the best and I pray to GOD she gets her own song in S2 her voice actor can SING. GODDAMN! I am very interested in Lute’s character development and I love seeing what people do with close-minded characters like that and hopefully Vivzie doesn’t condemn her to Vivziepop Woman Syndrome. If she isn’t important in S2 I’m going to be pissed but I dunno maybe S3 if we get one.
“More Than Anything” Wish my dad was like this! This song is incredibly sweet and I appreciate it a lot. Honestly might go way higher on the list if I keep thinking about it.
“Whatever It Takes” Sorry you will never be Imagine Dragons. Vaggie doesn’t sound anything like herself cause her VA is making her voice so much more gruff for her character, which is fine! I like her voice (the voice direction is not very good but I digress) it’s just her voice is so high in this I can’t even tell it’s Vaggie.
“Welcome to Heaven” is boring, but we got a Molly cameo!
“Poison”. Read this and this and this. -10/10. I’d rather make out violently with Elon Musk.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin critical#hazbin hotel criticism#hazbin hotel critical#raimble#hazbin hotel song#hazbin songs#hazbin spoilers#hazbin hotel spoilers
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☕ MTOs & specifically what do you think they were going for with that?
MTOs are an interesting narrative thing to me in the sense that they really are so localised to only one part of the canon; they're very clearly Roberts' idea and only really matter, inasmuch as they do matter, in MTMTE. It's pretty clear to me that's the case for one specific reason: they'd actually fit SUPER well into the narrative arc of exRiD, especially early-to-mid RiD, but they basically never come up! You'd think 'neutrals and soldiers stuggling to cohabit socially and politically' would be prime fodder (lmao) for taking advantage of a narrative about mechs born of and into war coming back to a civilian life on a planet they really don't know. And yet.
What they're doing in that comic, in MTMTE, is a little headscratching to me at times. It feels, to be honest, somewhat like worldbuilding put in to make the texture of the backstory of the war feel grander than IDW had really managed up to that point in actual on-panel stuff, without a lot of thought when doing so in the moment as to the knock on implications going forward. MTMTE does this a few times, tries to use vague gestures at important sounding stuff to bring a greater sense of history and depth to the war in the face of the actual stuff we saw in phase one being. Mmmm. Basically just twenty dudes we already know shooting at each other across parking lots. LMAO.
(Sidenote: I know for a fact Roberts watched original flavour nuWho, and this is PEAK Russell T Davies doing worldbuilding when he was on Doctor Who, and I fully believe he was cribbing from that playbook. Every damn episode RTD would make them just sort of say stuff about the Time War that made it sound incredibly vast and textured and complex but which, crucially, never made any actual fucking sense. Good examples of stuff like this would be the Crucible, the Simanzi massacre, etc. This is, to be clear, a neutral observation, not praise or criticism per se.)
I say this because MTOs should probably be a bigger deal in terms of the impact on our cast, and their outlook on life and reasons for joining the quest, than they wind up being. An MTO is a character with no experience of living in peacetime at all, likely no experience of Cybertron, no sense of kinship or home necessarily to the planet they came "back" to. All of this provides a really clear motivation, given the implication most surviving non-neutral Cybertronians are now MTOs due to huge numbers of deaths, to join a quest like the Lost Light's! But it tends not to come up much, and I think it's because it wasn't really part of the plan. Later on, there's room to slot in some details here and there- Riptide talking about his experiences with being infodumped at by the 'training' comes to mind- but it takes a while for the comic to come back round to that.
The two big exceptions, of course, are Getaway and Brainstorm. The idea is definitely interacting with their characters more, though again, it... tends to come up later. Especially for Getaway, who I'm not convinced was originally conceived as an MTO, but had it slotted in a bit later as 'well that works' stuff tbh. (And it does, so that's fine!) Which leaves Brainstorm, who lies about being forged to throw off suspicion, who it's implied never got the time of day from Quark in a way I wouldn't be surprised we're supposed to assume is some kind of remaining bias, perhaps. Who didn't see a future for himself 'back on Cybertron' and so concocted a very weird plan to avoid having to. Who never got a choice about his 'side' in the war, and wound up with no real loyalty for anyone.
I think if there's any avenue I'd have liked to see more about MTOs via, it's Brainstorm. I wish there'd been more room to focus on that instead of (I'm so sorry shippers) his thing with Perceptor as the way to talk about his sense of inadequacy, tbh. What did it feel like, lying to Chromedome about remembering a pre-war life he never got a chance to experience? Being made to shoot people and be shot and escaping the fate of having that be the only thing he ever knew by the skin of his teeth? Not being able to imagine an end to the war, so all he wants to do is save one guy and run off with him as a pipe dream? That seems like the character where a lot of this stuff should naturally lie, to me. And I think it's a shame I've seen very little talk in fandom about it!
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