#i will probably never talk to you again but you had a huge impact on my life

[awfullybigwardrobe44]

Grief is funny.

Like, funny as in weird.

I went through a period of grief in 2020 when a pastor (worship pastor at my church) I was close to was fired abruptly.

Aside from him having invited me to the worship team in the first place (a very amazing answer to prayer) and the fact that I had been playing flute for him for 5 years, he had ALSO been counseling me for about a year leading up to that. We had taken a break during Covid, but I was scheduled to call him the day the email was sent out to the church. (This was before I knew I had OCD. I was just seeking spiritual/biblical help for all my questions and anxieties.)

I know why he was fired. I agree that it was right of my church to fire him.

But to this day, any reminder of him at my church is a punch to the stomach. He has a VERY distinct voice, and tonight I think I heard him on a track he must have produced for our church about 5-6 years ago. And almost started crying.

It’s been 4 years.

I agree with his getting fired.

I adore the worship leader they hired in his place. We all do.

It’s not like he died. He is a pastor still but moved to a different state. (Fun fact! You can go through grief even when death isn’t involved.)

But after all this time and even in these circumstances, I still am brought to tears when I am reminded of him.

Grief is funny.

[lieutenant-amuel]

Elena of Avalor is genuinely such a good show.

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Neil!

Idk If you'll ever see this, but I really wanna say thank you because you and Terry made me fall in love with books.

Even if you talked to me a year ago about getting into reading, or how magical it can be, I probably would've totally shrugged you off, but after watching Good Omens season 2 and literally falling in love with the series (I watched the first series when I was 9 so didn't make the quite the same impact at that age) I ended up picking up the source material at my local bookshop. Imagine my surprise when I said to my friend what I was looking for, that two totally random strangers pointed at it immediately, and told me that as soon as they finished it they read it again straight afterwards. At the time I thought that seemed like a really weird thing to do. But anyway I picked up the book and went to buy it.

*sidenote during this whole interaction the friend I was with (who has never heard of or seen good omens) was being talked to by one of the nice people we met on who Michael Sheen was, sadly it was only when I googled him in a coffee shop afterwards she recognised him from twilight.

After reading Good Omens the book I had seen exactly why those people in the bookshop had read it twice in a row, because now I found myself doing the exact same thing!

Me from a year ago would never have believed, that for my 15th birthday last week, I asked for a graphic novel version of The discworld graphic novels because my maths teacher (surprisingly out of everyone) turned out to be a huge Fan on Terry Pratchett, and suggested it to me in class after talking about Good Omens.

This series and book have literally changed me as a person, so I just wanted to say again, thank you so much!!

That's Marvelous! Welcome to the fold.

[tteessiiee]

Health impacts of obesity, death feedee edition

TW: this is dark and very real, do not read if you are not ready to understand the consequences of feedism. And I really mean it. It may be f* scary.

You know I study physiotherapy at med school. And Im also a feedee, feeder, FA... Which means that mine internships in hospitals are pretty heavy and hard for me. I see all the impacts of obesity, or even morbid obesity on people and their health. On their life.

We are all talking about heart-attacks. Sure, your arteries getting clugged, atherosclerosis growing in your body and getting you closer to an early grave. But atherosclerosis does not cause only heart-attacks. It would be nice, wouldn’t it? Feeling your heart struggling, pain in your chest (which you deserve for being the pig you were), and pretty soon there is the end. Death.

But atherosclerosis can also cause strokes. And I don’t think you want that. Part of your brain gonna die, part gonna live. It can affect your motor functions, your ability to feel by touch, your ability to know where and how placed your limbs are, your speech, of course your ability to think. You may die, sure. Or you gonna survive and live way way worse life fully dependant on people around you… Did you know that?

You also might ruin your pancreas. Im sure that many of you already have insulin tolerance way higher than you should. Well diabetes mellitus is incoming if you will not change your lifestyle. It does not only mean that you will need to take insulin! It will also damage your nerves. Neuropathies are very common. DM can lead even to amputations of legs. And also an impact on eyes is very well known, you can become blind. Over all diabetes is a metabolic disease and it has huge impact on your whole body – nerves, organs, veins, everything.

Another effect of our feedee diet - your liver become fattier making it work less. And liver are very important organ! Liver steatosis can become cirrhosis, the organ will be very damaged. Btw it also gonna increase your blood pressure which has significant impact on probability of heart-attacks and strokes. Another thing – there can appear stones in your gallbladder. That is mainly caused by eating too greasy and fatty food. And this also can be very painful situation needing a surgery.

It is proved that obesity increases the risk of cancer, especially cancer in gastro-intestinal tract and urogenitals. One more thing that people do not want.

Not to mention your musculo-sceletal system. Arthrosis in joints (another painful thing restricting your daily life), unfit and stiff muscles, bones easier to break by your weight if you fall… And it will not hurt only when you move. But also when you lie in your bed getting stuffed to the brim once again. Who of you have never ever had back pain, mainly lower-back pain? It is not comfortable, is it? And it only gonna get worse if you don’t exercise.

There are also impacts on your skin but i'm not good in this field so can't say much about it.

I know it is a lot of fun to be a feedee. To gain, get fatter, heavier, softer. Getting out of breath easily? Oh f* yes please, it makes you so horny. But there is a huge impact on your health. Im sure you know it. But maybe you don’t know all the specific things that may happen. This is just a brief list of health complications that obesity brings. So if you are a death feedee, go on! Eat yourself to these diseases if that’s what you want. But be aware that your life probably will not end by a sudden quick heart attack. You will suffer many months and years due to many comorbidities till your body will give up on you. Are you ready for that long pain?

Wanted to let you know so that I can feel better when I actually encourage you to gain. You know, consent means that you agree while being aware of the consequences. If you want me to help you get morbidly obese I wanna be sure I warned you. And maybe (hopefully) this gonna help someone to stop gaining so much if they find out that they would not be happy. Because babes – I don’t want you fat in the first place. I want you happy.

That’s the reason why im drinking 700 kcal hot chocolate made of heavy cream while writing this article. It makes me happy to gain. It makes me happy being fat even though I know all of these things. And it also scares the s*it out of me. I fear it so much. I want it so much. Im not a death feedee in real life, will not let the kink kill me (I hope). But I definitely am a death feedee in fantasies, deep inside and sometimes it is really hard to find the difference between having fun and ruining your body.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I warned you it gonna be dark and real 🖤

Enjoy your life as you wish 💕 Give fully into hedonism or enjoy the parts of feedism that don't kill you - that is your choice. Your body. Your life. Your death.

~ Tessie

[mr-butter-face]

I've already expressed my adoration of both designs of Telltale's Joker. But I just want to break down why they're so appealing to me.

In the game, John Doe goes through huge changes in his life that are expressed in his wardrobe. But the most dramatic change is at the last episode of the series. When he fully transforms into Joker.

Brian Matyas is a concept designer who had worked on both Batman Telltale games. He had posted some of his works on Artstation and Instagram.

[Brain Matyas Instagram Post]

https://www.instagram.com/p/BhucYx5lGCb/?img_index=1

(I suggest you read the entire post till the end.)

[John Doe]

As the game progresses in the story, players will probably take note of how John's wardrobe goes through the most changes compared to everyone else. But the key thing to note that stayed consistent in each episode was his half-fast way of buttoning/tucking-in his shirt and how progressively colorful his outfit was getting.

[Villain Joker]

There's a lot of things to break down about this outfit. First, Brian Matyas stated that Villain Joker was molded primarily by Bruce Wayne. Not Batman. Joker's business tie and fancy suit's purpose was to emulate Bruce's public persona of being a CEO (or, more simply, a person with power). Interestingly enough, Joker's gloves are basically the same kinds that Harley wears in game, as if it were to say now they're equals in their relationship (but obviously they're not). I've heard from others that gloves are symbolic of secrets, which describes how Joker has kept some information hidden from Harley.

The Villain Joker design is probably the most colorful one. His bright green hair, the 80 carpet patterns in his navy suit, the pop of hot pink, and the most disgusting looking dress-shirt I've ever seen. Jack Nicholas' influence isn't lost on me. This outfit screams bold and confident, and most importantly, free.

There are still elements of John Doe. The poorly done tucking and buttoning of Joker's shirt are there. But strangely enough, the strain of hair in front of his head is flipped. John’s was located on the right side while Joker purposely flipped it to the left. And that's not the only thing that's flipped. John's outfit consisted of a purple vest inside and a green/teal shirt outside. Now the pattern is switched with Joker, green shirt inside and dark navy suit outside. Subtle differences like this are led to believe that Joker wants Bruce Wayne to know that he's completely different from John Doe.

The last thing to talk about is his shaved eyebrow. I have no idea why he would do that. People have said it's because he wanted to express how much damage Bruce did to him. Personally, I thought it was like ‘girls making bad hair decisions after a breakup’ thing.

Although his design encompasses both Bruce Wayne and Harley Quinn's impact on his life. It's more leaning into Bruce.

[Vigilante Joker]

There's something about this design that always makes me feel so heartbroken. Not because it's a bad design but because of how much it reminds me how John had faith that if he lived up to Batman's standards that he would be able to maintain their friendship.

Brian Matyas said that he wanted the Vigilante Joker's silhouette to emulate Batman's. It's shown by how his hair and shoulders are curved to a point. Joker's makeup is a lot more gothic and is a lot more menacing than Villain's makeup. It also almost resembles the mask that typically Robin would wear.

Again, there are still elements of John Doe present here. But they are less noticeable than Villain's. Joker's left arm has stitches, (John has been seen wearing a vest that has a different color button then the rest) his shirt's collar isn't properly folded correctly, (John is practically never seen to maintain his dress-shirt collar properly) and he still keeps his vest unlike Villain route. (Although like Villain, there is a color swap with the green shirt and purple vest)

But one thing that jumps out to me is how dull in vibrate color he is compared to Villain Joker's or even John Doe's fourth episode outfit. I had to brighten up my screen in order to identify the smile patterns in his suit. Vigilante design is flashy, but it feels like he's being held back from fully expressing himself.

Joker never really understood Batman's moral code. For players to unlock the Vigilante route, they had to enable John's more violent tendencies. So his outfit only reflects the darker side of Bruce Wayne because that's what Joker believes to be what Batman wants from him.

Huge thanks to hemfbg. They were able to locate both Joker's concept art from Brian Matyas' Instagram.

[Hemfbg Telltale Community Post]

https://community.telltalegames.com/discussion/121009/concept-art-by-brian-matyas

[o-sachi]

Fell First & Fell Harder Pt. 2 - Blue Lock Chars.

you fell first, but they definitely fell harder

characters; oliver aiku, bachira meguru, gagamaru gin, shidou ryusei

tags; fluff, gn reader, no y/n

Oliver Aiku

"It's just you. I promise. No one else is in the picture."

He was faithful... to an extent. The most that he did, after all, was be too friendly with others—which could be mistaken for flirting. But all you could do was sit there and hope that he'd stop it soon.

Although, at some point you reach your breaking point. You bring it up again and it blows up into a huge fight. The conclusion was to have an indefinite break from each other.

In that time you were away from each other, he realizes how big of a fumble that was on his part. Now was the time he'd start missing you SO MUCH. It was so bad that he couldn't think of anyone else but you and he didn't even have the energy to entertain people that weren't you.

One day you two get to talking again and it leads to a mini reconciliation. He promises with his life that he'd take you more seriously and that you'd be the one and only person his attention would be on.

Bachira Meguru

"You're the cure to my boring life."

You quickly realize that he's not the type to be super serious about someone early on. He's not too experienced with dating, so he's complacent in the simple fact that you like him and he likes you.

Nevertheless, you love to indulge him with his whims. You were determined to be his ride-or-die and it showed. You supported him through every step he took, offering gentle pieces of advice every once in a while to keep him grounded.

There were rare occurrences when he'd be self-aware. He'd realize that sometimes he was going too fast without taking into consideration the feelings of other people. Then, he'd be hyper aware of what you felt towards him and your relationship.

Your impact in his life becomes more apparent in these moments. Bachira eventually begins to consider you more in his life—integrating you in everything that he does. In due course, football wasn't just an outlet for him, but also a way to make you proud of him.

Gagamaru Gin

"Love? Huh... I guess that's the word to describe it."

The falling harder part certainly took a while to happen. Similar to Bachira, Gagamaru doesn't have much experience in the world of dating. The idea never intrigued him, so he figured there was no point in entertaining it. But your persistent ass came along.

This would certainly be a first love type of scenario. The newfound feelings and experiences you had to offer him overwhelmed Gagamaru in a good way.

He had nothing else to compare this to; he believes your love is the one of the greatest things in his life (close competition with grilled meat).

Cannot get enough of you now. It's like a drug to him—addicting and it consumes it. Before you know it, he's absolutely worshipping the shit of you—doing everything in his power to make you the happiest human alive.

Shidou Ryusei

"You make it throb... my heart, I mean."

His previous relationships were also short-lived primarily because he was too intense (freaky) for his partners to handle. It was set in stone: starting now, he would never settle for anyone who cannot match his enthusiasm (freak).

Out of all of them, he's probably the one that falls harder the fastest. But it's no easy feat to achieve. You really need to capture his attention—make him fascinated by your very existence. Do those simple things and he's yours in a flash.

But here's the surprise—with him, there's another layer to it. Sure, he could be deeply interested in you. But can he be serious with you? Can he honestly say that he's committed to you? Those are important questions that pop up once you've been together for a while.

You only know that he's 100% serious about you when he can finally sit down and talk to you, heart-to-heart. His vulnerability is something that he would only show to the most special of special people in his life. That happens to be you.

o-sachi © 2024 pls do not translate/copy/reupload my work on other platforms

[a11ia]

Charlotte’s Lore Ꮺ ָ࣪ ۰ ͙⊹

For starters this might be long.

After Code Veronica and Operation Javier Claire and Leon got a time to catch up, she thank him for responding to her email and get Chris, to distract themselves they find a carnival pass the time.

This it’s where the first photo of Claire and the Mr. Raccon big plushie gets taken

Keep in mind I see their friends as the solid base of their relationship

Well they kinda hook up and turn to be friends with benefits for a while, keeping the friendship part strong, they still had Sherry as someone to take care of and talk about her, trying to continue their life’s in their own paths catching up every now and then.

When Claire gets pregnant with Charlotte she’s 24 and Leon it’s 26.

To make it clear I do not see Claire as a baby machine or stay at home mom, in her character being an independent woman who fights for the innocents it’s a huge part of her persona so I’ll never forget that part of her. The fact she’s a motherly woman would never change her independence.

As adults they would talk about it, have doubts, fight, considerate how a baby would impact their life’s— since both are starting their careers and own paths— and decide the best. If it takes two to tango, takes two to decide.

To try to match it with the canon events by the time he leaves for Spain (r4r) Charlotte it’s a newborn, two months probably.

On Spain, having to deal with the plagas, rescue Ashley and meet Luis and find people from his past it’s rough. Pretty rough. He passes a very bad time there but I do like the remake where he seems to grown mature about life.

Taking Charlotte on consideration, being a new dad and still having to a hard mission like saving the president daughter he could switch to see Ashley like Charlotte and Sherry, someone innocent, someone who needs protection, it’s on a risky position and for most important a chance to save someone, something still torment him from Raccoon City.

If he can save Ashley and fight with his past he can move on, hard, but he can move on and continue.

Here can fit the moment he talks about Claire :)!

So after the mission on Spain he for sure crumbles at the sight of Charlotte again. After all he missed a few milestone so he makes up time with her and Claire.

Quality time of Leon and Charlotte after R4R

By the time of death island Charlotte it’s 11 years old. I haven’t figure out much of her childhood yet but I’ll eventually, thanks for reading! And do ask if you want to <3

That’s all for now. 💓

[gavisuntiedboot]

Gavi asking the reader to be his gf (headcanon)

A/N: omg this is such a cute request

~~

Asking you to be his girlfriend would entail ...

Y'all want me to be honest?

Gavi is for sure most definitely the type of person to just assume that a girl he's been exclusive with is his girlfriend

He is not a huge fan of difficult conversations or uncomfortable situations, so he is never going to go out of his way to DTR (define the relationship)

You two had been going out for a while before he even asked about exclusivity

"So you're not like... seeing other guys, right? I mean it's okay if you are. Well not really. I mean I want you to stop if you are seeing other people, but like I won't be mad if you have done it before... right now I guess."

You'd giggle at his rushed out request, reassuring him that you weren't interested in seeing anyone else

"Everyone is too calm after being with you Pablo"

He had no idea whether he should be flattered by the fact that you liked him as much as he liked you, or insulted that you just called him hyper.

Six to eight months into the relationship, you would probably have to be the one to bring it up

"my roommates keep referring to you as 'the boyfriend'. They think they're funny."

This would be the most confusing sentence of Gavi's life. Was he ... not the boyfriend?

And that's exactly what he asked you.

"Why is it funny that they call me your boyfriend?"

"Because you're not my boyfriend?"

Pablo's phone clattered to the ground, and it took everything in you not to laugh.

"If this is your way of breaking up with me, it's not funny."

The look on Pablo's face was so heartbreaking that it made you get up from your seat, hugging his pouting face into your chest.

"I'm just messing around with you. You've never asked me to be your girlfriend, so I didn't want to jump to any conclusions."

Gavi: i am confusion

"You have to ask?" *eyebrow raise*

After asking his teammates (shyly and in private corners to avoid the teasing) it was true: he would need to ask you to be his girlfriend

"I don't know man, it just makes things seem more official." He complained to Ansu, who was absolutely not listening to a word he said, and Ousmane, who was engrossed in Pablito's love life

"But don't you want things to be more official? She's met the team, your parents, the la masia boys - I don't think the title will really impact things

Pablo didn't want to admit that the real reason he had neglected this question was just that he didn't feel comfortable enough sitting you down and talking about something this serious

So one night, while you were over at his house to watch the Argentinian national team play a friendly, he turned to you

He was in a hoodie, similar to you, with his feet propped up on the coffee table sharing chips from a bowl wobbling dangerously on the sofa

You had just finished yelling at the TV, a replay coming onto the screen

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

You blinked at Pablo slowly, processing what he had said to you

"What?"

"Okay I'll say it again. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"...what?"

"Please don't make me keep saying it I'm sweating bullets."

You restrained the smirk on your face, turning in your place to face him fully.

"Why do you want me to be your girlfriend, Pablo?"

A breath

He didn't think he would get this far

Or have to articulate something that felt so natural

It just felt so right to have you as his partner, to have you beside him, that he didn't think he would have to say that to you

"Well... I'm going to be honest, I have been thinking of you as my girlfriend since our like, second date. I just feel like we fit together. See like this, sitting here, being lazy with you, being around you, it just feels like... it's where I'm meant to be. Also it's easier to say 'hey I need tickets for my girlfriend' rather tha- why are you crying?"

The stretch of your cheeks with joy had prevented you from fully grasping the tears that rolled down your face

"I have no clue I'm really happy"

Hugs. Those ones where you grip each other really tightly like you don't want to fall into the abyss. The one where the lint of their shirt is literally your oxygen, and if you were any closer you would be one organism

Neck kisses. Y'all know the ones, but if you don't there's an example at the end

Hand holding with the thumb-rub for comfort. Yeah, y'all see the vision

"So, is that a yes?"

"Of course, stupid." which was said through sniffles

He literally stopped using your name after that

Only referred to you as 'my girlfriend'

"Oh me and my girlfriend went to.."

"My girlfriend said that..."

"Let me ask my girlfriend."

BONUS: when he won the Nation's League with the Spanish NT (sorry grandpappy Luka), he posted a million things onto his Instagram story, including the team singing along to Titi Me Pregunto by Bad Bunny

You swiped up on the story with: Si tengo muchas novia'?

His response: no, just one with múltiples personalidades

A/N: He just love a good smooch. Anyways it's 4:30am time ti go to bed. PLS Y"ALL i would rlly appreciate if you interacted with this post besides liking (comments/ reblogs) if you feel so inclined. Just a small thing that keeps people including myself motivated to write. JP9 in progress but not ETA due to Eid being next week. Love y'all <<33

[mar64ds]

Long mickey and oswald talk.

love mickey and oswald because they are awesome brothers but truthfully i think they would be each other's best friend too. Yeah technically goofy and donald will always be mickey's best friends but more and more i notice that goofy and donald kind of stick together more often (kingdom hearts, ducktales, even a goofy movie implies donald to be goofy's best friend) and i think in-universe that's because mickey can be slightly more... unnaproachable? Mickey is either the super positive 'perfect' best friend or the most famous toon celebrity or a king OR all of the above. It IS a bit more difficult to be a normal toon and open up to him, and it's not Mickey's fault or even donald and goofy's fault, they all trust each other constantly, they are true friends, but it IS one of the reasons why i think he would end up being closer to Oswald

Oswald on the other hand is also really unnapproachable but for completely different reasons, Mickey is for reasons out of his control, meanwhile Oswald is like that because he constantly puts walls around himself. He isolates himself, he lashes out, his emotions and trauma impact his relationships constantly, he even decides to make himself king and tries to be a celebrity or a hero more than a person sometimes and ends up disconnecting himself from people even more. Oswald has friends and kids and wife, but it's not easy to really get Oswald, he has so much baggage that it's hard to know him, sometimes people might leave him alone because they might think that's what he would want?? Or what he needs right now?? He keeps being all alone not because of Mickey or the Blot or anyone, HE is doing this to himself at this point. And even after epic mickey i think he is still someone not always easy to connect with because he still struggles personally

This is why i think, yeah they kind of get each other perfectly. Mickey is not the 'perfect' friend to Oswald, he has seen him in one of his worst moments, he hated the guy, and he learned to love the guy, even when you choose the thinner path. He's had his whole life of acknowledging Mickey is a huge celebrity, it's not really something that would make him hesitant to interact with Mickey, it's something that he goes directly to Mickey and complains about (after epic mickey probably as a joke).

When it comes to Oswald, he kept venting and mocking and lashing out to Mickey, even almost betrayed him, and Mickey still stayed. He didn't hold resentment or is hesitant to interact with Oswald. I think Oswald is SO sincere all the time, for better or worse, that it makes Mickey more sincere too (that one part where he gets mad in the graphic novel is awesome, let him be mad at the rabbit). Oswald isolates himself and puts all the walls he wants, Mickey is the only one to climb up that mountain and still sticks around even when Oswald tells him to leave him alone

Like it's not just we want to see these characters together cause they are brothers and we like epic mickey, it's the fact that if Mickey Mouse ever needs to work as a duo, Oswald SHOULD be the guy. Oswald is SO essential to Mickey as a character, epic mickey told us the truth and now you can't try to hide it and never do anything with this again. I'm tired of them giving Oswald content without Mickey, you do NOT get this game at all

[creedslove]

DESERVE IT - PART THIRTEEN

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: some insight on your relationship with Javi, where everything is going perfectly, until his secret with Los Pepes is out

Warnings: fluff, but the like the level of fluff is too much it will probably make you OD on fluff, smut (nipple play, fingering, unprotected p in v, creampie), a little bit of dirty talk, mentions of pregnancy and pregnancy talk, a little bit of angst

A/N: besties... Where do I start? I don't even know, I've been writing this chapter for two days and it's made me feel so many things, I was so emotional and so into it, like i felt i was buried deep in the story because more than once I ended up writing my own name when I was talking about reader lmao, this has happened so many times during this story... Anyway, I'll continue my considerations on my second author's note at the end of this chapter so there won't be any spoilers, I just hope you guys enjoy this huge dose of domestic!Javi as much as I did 🩷

• PART ONE TO TWELVE ON MY MASTERLIST

6.3k words (I got carried away, sorry)

You felt yourself waking up slowly at the same time you tried focusing back into your sleep. You didn't want to wake up just yet, the blankets over your body felt so comfortably warm, the mattress underneath giving you the complete relaxation you craved as you buried your face in the pillow and tried returning to the dream you were having.

You didn't remember much about it, but you did remember you were in a big house, you didn't know where exactly, but at the same time everything seemed familiar.

You walked through the hallways of it, taking in all the details that were so different and yet so known to you, picture frames on the wall, that passed by as a blur though you had the feeling you'd seen them many times.

You followed your instincts, going down the hallway and finding the kitchen, immediately a small little girl rushed to you, hugging you as tight as she could and giggled "mommy!!!!" she squealed happily and pointed at the counter, where Javi was standing, placing the dough inside the small, star-shaped baking pans "daddy and I are making cookies!!!" The little girl you quickly learned was none other than your daughter informed you with the happiest smile on earth.

Javi smiled too, leaving the cookies on the counter and walked to you, kissing your lips gently and caressing your stomach, that much to your surprise was round with a baby bump "we missed you and our big boy too" he told you and held your hand, taking it to his mouth and pecking it as well, just as you could see a wedding band around your finger.

Your heart raced and you thought air was lacking from your lungs when you immediately got up and looked around, rubbing your eyes and looking for any traces of the scenario you were just experiencing.

You gasped as it had been such a real dream, but now that you realized you were finally awake, you could tell the images were already fading. Suddenly, the house didn't seem so familiar anymore, you didn't remember any longer what shape the cookies were, and the little girl's face was nothing but a fog, and god, it hurt because she was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. Your heart clenched at the realization she was just a product of your memory and you would never see her again. It was so upsetting to realize that and you wished you had the ability to draw, at least you could maybe try to get a picture of her pretty face. You were clueless to why that particular dream made such an impact on you, distractedly thinking of it as you jumped startled when you felt a hand brushing against your hair.

"You okay cariño?" Javi asked you, staring into your eyes as he sat on the edge of the bed and watched as you looked at him with the confused fog of sleep. You then nodded, smiling gently at him

"Yeah, I just had a weird dream, that's all…" you bit your lips and ran your hand through your messy hair before wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tight. You took a deep breath, inhaling Javi's post shaving cream's scent and closing your eyes at how warm he was against you. It always soothed you to have him so close to you.

Javi on the other hand didn't actually get why you were clinging so tight to him, you were whimpering in your sleep and he worried you were having nightmares about him. He knew how much you've been worrying about him and his connection with Los Pepes now that Pablo's situation was getting unbearable and he felt both guilty and concerned that he was putting you under unnecessary stress.

"It's okay princesa, I'm here… your breakfast is ready" he whispered to you and kissed your neck gently. He smiled at you, loving your sleepy face and cupping your cheek, you laughed softly

"You know what? I was just having a dream about a very domestic Javier Peña and now I wake up to you making me breakfast?" You raised your eyebrow and got off bed, stretching your body and not bothering getting dressed at all.

The way you moved your naked body caught Javier's attention immediately and whatever thought he might have had in his mind just disappeared and everything went blank. He didn't have any other reaction but get up and follow you, his hand on your hips as he tried pulling you to him,

"Don't be a bitch, mi amor, I always make you breakfast" he purred, kissing your shoulder but groaned as you got into the bathroom and locked the door. He sighed and went back to the kitchen table, knowing you would only return after your shower and much to his disappointment, fully clothed.

He poured himself a cup of coffee as he thought of the morning routine the two of you established. You had been officially dating for a little over a month now, after nearly a year of playing a cat and mouse game and Javi would be lying if he said that was the happiest he'd ever been. He just loved to have someone to come back home to, someone he could actually talk to, be affectionate with, someone who understood him and didn't demand things he couldn't give. It was different this time, all the times he'd been in a relationship he was often frustrated, or uncomfortable or feeling suffocated, but now? Javier Peña was a house cat who loved waking up early to make his girlfriend pancakes even if he pretended the pancakes were for him.

He just loved waking up to you all tangled around him, your smell on his sheets, his pillows, your hair all over his face, he didn't care. He liked waking up next to you, he liked seeing you smile at your breakfast plate ready for you, he liked how great you smelled after coming out of your shower, if there was something he didn't like, however, was how you teased him every single morning by leaving bed naked and walking past him, knowing how much he wanted to touch you, but then, you would leave your morning shower and sit right on his lap, and that could lead to many other things.

Even if the two of you would arrive late at work almost on a daily basis, it was still worthy. You hadn't actually announced your relationship to anyone, but people figured it out eventually, the first ones being obviously Connie and Murphy, and you actually liked it, especially after you and Connie started hanging out more when the boys were out at work, and that led the four of you to some double date nights, and it was nice. You liked that coziness of the situation, how the four of you could act like friends and forget about work while sharing a nice meal and some drinks.

And of course, that bitch you called Colleen walked on you and Javi making out during your lunch break and made it public to everyone else. At that point, Pablo Escobar himself probably knew you were banging each other.

What he didn't know - and no one, really did it - was that you and Javi weren't just banging. You were dating, for real, because you two were in love, you were in love for real but it was actually best no one cared for these details, it was none of their business at all, it was the part of your relationship that was only about you and Javi and you two were happy like that.

You finally exited the bathroom, only one of Javi's work shirts over your body. You loved how he eye fucked you whenever you wore any of his clothes.

You pretended you hadn't noticed it and walked to him, ignoring your own chair and sat on his lap

"Buenos días, agent Peña" you said and watched his frown. He wasn't agent Peña to you, he was Javi, your Javi. You pecked his lips and quickly sat straight, pulling your plate of pancakes and dug into it with a big bite.

Javi wasn't a great cook, in fact, he was terrible, but there was something about his morning pancakes you just loved. Nothing tasted better to you than them, just to think he made them for you, it was enough to make you drool for it.

His arms wrapped around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder as he sighed "do we really have to go to Murphy's tonight?" He mumbled and nuzzled your neck, making you squirm softly at the sudden shiver

"Yes Javi, I already told Connie we're going, besides, it's lasagna night and you know no one makes that better than I do…" you said and tilted your head to the side, so he could have better access to your neck.

You closed your eyes as his mustache tickled your skin, before his lips got closer and you whimper. Your hand went for the side of his head, fingers tangling into his hair as you pressed him against you a little more.

"Why? You don't wanna go?" You asked feeling suddenly so bothered to be still and moved your hips unconsciously. You felt him shrug against you

"I just wanted to stay with you tonight… but fine" he said in a low voice and then frowned "I can't fucking believe you took the shirt I was going to wear to work today! I gotta see Messina" he said though he felt a pit of guilt at that last part. It was a lie, he wasn't seeing Messina, he was going to see Judy, the head of Los Pepes, but he often hid that from you. He knew it made you anxious and worried, and he didn't want to ruin another day for you. Besides, he was sure nothing bad would happen, he would go over her place, listen to that bitch's claims and return to the office as if nothing had happened.

You chuckled and shrugged "well, your shirt was lying there, and you are shirtless now… I figured if you wanted to wear it, you should have claimed it first" you laughed.

His mind snapped back from the concern about his later meeting and smirked, you were such a little tease.

"Ay princesa, eres tan dulce…" he said as his hands went up and unbuttoned the shirt, one by one, opening them slowly and letting your breasts spill out of it "... Pero también eres mi puta" he whispered against your skin and quickly massaged your breasts. His fingers toyed with your nipples, pinching them gently as his big hand ran it's way down your stomach, obviously finding you completely bare.

"Fuck, Y/N… you didn't even bother putting on clothes… are you trying to kill me? Or is it just your way to beg me to fuck you, cariño? Uh? You like to be such a filthy slut for me, don't you? You like when people call you Javi's puta, don't you?" He whispered into your ear while you only whimpered.

His right hand found your warmth between your legs, cupping it softly, feeling as you parted your legs with no resistance so he could touch you. His left hand ran up again, wrapping around your neck, holding you in a firm grip

"Come on, use your words, I asked you a question.."

"Yes…" you whimpered.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I like when people call me your puta, Javi…"

He only groaned into your ear, at the same time his hand sank deeper towards your core, being welcomed by your slippery slit, always so sinfully wet for him. Javi's long fingers parted your lips, the wetness already coating their tips as he moved them up and down, finding your clit and applying pressure to it. He could feel how your ass rubbed against his crotch, his shirt being barely able to cover it for you. His rough jeans burning softly, in a tempting torture, your body responding to his immediately, his touches always descending you to madness at how well he knew you, how well he could manipulate your pleasure. There was never a lover like Javier in your life, and there would be another one. Good thing you didn't plan on leaving him, because if you ever did, you knew you were doomed.

You threw your head back at the same time his fingers went further into your pussy hole, you gushed over his hand, feeling the pleasure build up, he could play you like a fucking doll, no wonder he called you muñequita, you were completely his to be played with and you loved it.

He removed his fingers off you, the disappointed whimper that came out of your lips was a lot louder than you intended, which made him chuckle.

His left hand went for your chin, holding it in place as you obediently opened your mouth to welcome his coated fingers. You sucked on them, licking them clean and watched as Javi finished unbuttoning the shirt, finally revealing your entire naked body "here's what we're gonna do, cariño, you'll be a good girl for me, got it? You'll lift your hips and you'll sit down on me nice and slowly, eating your breakfast while I'm shoved balls deep inside of you, got it amor? You know you can do it, mariposa…" he teased, helping you lift yourself up, waiting as Javi opened his jeans and freed his hard cock. Then, he helped you lower yourself on him, moaning at how your slippery walls clenched around his girth. You, on the other hand, called his name, every time he got inside of you, felt like the first time. You were so drunk in his cock, but it was more than that, you were drunk in love and you couldn't even hide.

You tried moving your hips, but his hands held you in place, not allowing you to make any moves. He meant it when he said you would have your breakfast while he was buried deep inside of you, however, you couldn't bring yourself to actually eat anything, not when you had that aching need of being touched, of bouncing up and down onto his cock, it was too much for you. You asked Javier for mercy, tried to explain how much you needed him, and though he tried not showing how his cock twitched each time you purposely clenched your cunt around him, he wanted you to be a good little puta for him.

Javi handed you some fruit he kept on the table though they were never eaten in the morning, but it didn't matter. He got some grapes, taking one to your mouth, your clit twitched at the same time he gently rubbed it against your lips, before finally allowing you to chew on the sweet grape. Repeating the steps with the remaining others he had in hands.

And only when you were finished with them, Javi's palms went for your hips, gripping them and helping you to move. Now, he was tired of waiting, he was twitching inside of you and he helped you up and down faster and faster, only stopping when you had come for him and he finally spilled his thick load deep inside of you.

You relaxed your back against his chest, feeling tired but happy, also very thankful to remember it was your day off. You had plans of maybe cleaning up the apartment a little bit, as you often spent more time at his place than yours, but after he rocked your little world during the most important meal of the day, you figured it wouldn't hurt to maybe go back to bed and take a quick nap. You just wished you could drag him back with you, you hated to have to say goodbye in the morning like that. Not when you wanted to rest your body against your boyfriend's and fall asleep in his arms.

"You're amazing, princesa" Javi praised you and once more sank his face into the crook of your neck. You still had him inside of you, though you could feel him softening. Javier inhaled your scent again, he never got enough of how good you smelled and if it were up to him, he would spend the rest of his day… no, the rest of his days like that.

And after that feverish, erotic need for each other, he was back to being your sweet Javi. This was another thing you loved about your relationship: the hunger you had for each other wasn't just sexual, though it represented a big part of it, the hunger you felt was physical, emotional and sentimental.

You smiled and turned your head to him, kissing his lips, your heart was nothing but a puddle of love at that moment.

Javi's hands went for your shoulders, sliding down the shirt off your body and helping you get up. As much as he hated it, it was time to go to work, so he had to face his morning torture, which was leave the safehouse you had built together and go outside and face reality. It just didn't feel worse because he knew that at the end of the day, you would be there, waiting for him.

You went to the bedroom and returned fully dressed, this time wearing your own clothes and smiled as he put on the shirt that just a few minutes before was still on your body. Javi could even pretend to be impatient about you stealing his clothes, but the moment he put his shirt on and saw it smelled just like you, he smiled. It was one good thing to get him through the day.

You walked Javi to the door and kissed his lips goodbye, reminding him you loved him and couldn't wait until he was safely back home.

You got under the blankets and sighed happily, thinking of your life and how good things were at that moment. A part of you was still skeptical, not believing things would work out for you and Javi, you sometimes worried he would grow tired of you, maybe he would fall into old habits, the temptation of having to get information from the women he often did, but you immediately shook these thoughts off and reminded yourself that wouldn't happen, because you trusted him, you showed him he was worth of love, he was worth of having a life with, that he was a good man, who deserved a partner to support and love him no matter what, and that man, in return, was at your feet. Connie's words, not yours.

But you felt it, you felt Javi cared about you, you felt he cherished you, he longed for you, you just felt he loved you, and that always made your heart flutter. You were lucky to have each other, no one believed Javier could have a connection with someone like he did with you, maybe, at some point after meeting him, you wouldn't have believed it either, but there you were, being his, just as he was yours.

You took his pillow and sniffed it, loving his to sink deep into his scent and smiled, you thought of the weird dream you had had, recognizing the elements of it, as everyday things you talked about. The place you were was clearly the ranch he lately had been telling you so much about. It was the place he was born and grew up, owned by his dad and some day in the future, it would be his. As far as Javier had told you, his dad didn't have a lot of money, but life was good in the ranch, and after he retired from the DEA, he would be able to provide you in case you didn't want to get a job.

You had jokingly discussed that, like you always did, like the very first time he suggested moving into the ranch and leaving Colombia behind. You sensed there was some truth to his words, but you didn't want to read too much into it, these were huge plans, and you were still pretty recent, even if you were so drunk in love.

He had talked about baby Peña a couple of times too, both times you two ended up laughing, as it was clearly just some amusing daydream, some inside joke that was part of your make-believe future together.

The only time this joke got a little out of hand was about after a month you two made it official and you had to leave your desk several times during the morning to throw up. You just couldn't keep anything inside, and during your lunch break, when you were sat at Javi's desk, sipping some water, looking pale and sweaty, Steve chuckled at the two of you "seems like baby Peña is on its way" he said and made both you and Javier stare at each other in shock and annoyance. You were nearly passing away out of dehydration and he was insinuating you were pregnant. Neither you or Javi said anything, but you could tell the nervousness in his actions. It hadn't even crossed your mind, and probably it hadn't crossed his either, you knew you weren't pregnant, it was just food poisoning, not your first in Colombia and definitely not your last one, but still, it felt like Murphy's comment threw some kind of tension towards the two of you.

That night, after Javi got tired of hearing you throw up to the tenth time, he drove you to the hospital, hating to see you sick. He had to wait by the reception and when you exited the doctor's office with a prescription, he raised his eyebrow.

"So… baby Peña?"

"Baby Peña happens to be last night's fish you insisted on having for lunch" you told him, showing him the prescription to the few meds the doctor recommended you.

The two of you laughed together, deep inside, you knew a baby wasn't exactly a possibility. Well, technically, it was. You were on birth control, but contraception could fail like anything else in the world, but at that moment it just felt like it wasn't a possibility, you two weren't there yet, you hadn't even discussed the possibility of getting there, but it didn't matter anymore, it had just been a misunderstanding.

Javier stared into your eyes for a while, he opened his mouth ready to say something, but he quickly changed his mind. He wanted to have said he would be by your side if you were actually pregnant, he wanted to have told you he would take care of you and your baby, but instead, he just rolled his eyes

"Steve's really a dick"

So that was why your dream puzzled you, even if the baby talk was present in your life, a baby was just a blurry idea, but seeing an actual child, a little girl and feeling her wrapping her little arms around you and calling you mommy, brought a warmth to your heart you just couldn't explain. It felt so honest, so beautiful and so pure. You figured it wouldn't hurt to just dream of it, no one needed to know about it, not even Javi, not now, it wasn't the right time.

You shot your eyes open when you were hit by the sudden realization of where you'd seen the pictures that appeared in your dream. If you remembered correctly, they were scattered on the walls of the hallway you walked through and you knew you had seen them before. They were all pictures of Javier's family. You knew he kept them in a box somewhere in his wardrobe, you'd seen them briefly when he was looking for some extra ammo for his gun but couldn't find exactly where they were. He didn't exactly show you the pictures but he didn't hide them either and a suffocating feeling of curiosity began growing in your chest. What if you got the box and watched the pictures? He wouldn't get upset, would he? Well, for starters, you didn't even need to tell him you went snooping through his stuff.

Sure, they were personal stuff and you would probably be upset if he did the same to you, but it was not like you were trying to find something to frame on him, or steal anything, you wanted to take a look at the pictures and that was all. After all, it was just a weird coincidence they happened to randomly appear in your dream.

You decided to just go for it, it wouldn't be too big of a deal, you would leave everything organized afterwards so if Javi needed to check anything there, he wouldn't even notice.

You got off bed, folding the blankets and leaving everything organized, just like you and your boyfriend liked it.

Boyfriend.

It still made you chuckle at times.

You didn't take much longer to find the box Javi kept his personal things, it was just in the bottom of the wardrobe, under a couple of folded bedspreads Javier had but usually never used. It wasn't a big box, but it was heavy and you would be lying if you said you weren't excited and curious to dig into Javier's memory box. Sitting comfortably on the floor, you crossed your legs and removed the lid, taking a peek inside and saw the many pictures you recognized from your dream.

You carefully took them and watched them, taking your time as you were so entertained by it. There were pictures of his father at his young age, his mom, whom he never spoke a lot about, but when he did, it was always with so much love and admiration. She was truly beautiful and your heart skipped a beat when you saw Javier had taken his mother's eyes.

A picture of them on their wedding day, another one where his dad had his hand around his wife's pregnant bump. And the next picture made you squeal out loud, you gushed and couldn't help but acting like a silly little girl when you saw a picture of baby Javier Peña. It was the original, naked bum, baby Peña! You thought you would die of love at the picture of Javi as a baby, he was so adorable and yes, he's always had the stray puppy's eyes. You were loving each passing second of that activity. You went through all the pictures of Javier's childhood, he was such a cute boy, his hair was a lot lighter back then, and his smile was always bright, funny to think he would become a grumpy DEA agent just a few decades later.

You saw some other pictures of his extended family and another one of his group of friends. You could tell it was his friend group from highschool, mostly because he had his arm wrapped around the waist of a blond beauty. You rolled your eyes at the realization it was Lorraine, probably from the time they still dated. You knew it was kind of stupid, but you still felt a sting of jealousy. You hadn't even met her, and if you did, you would probably sympathize with her, you two had been through very similar things in life and Javier had broken her heart in a horrible way. Even if he had apologized to her, after all the years, it was still a real bad situation. If you ever met her, chances were she would hate him for having Javier and not the other way around. Besides, Javi had left her at the altar, if he ever regretted breaking things up, he could have gone after her, but he didn't, he was with you, he just kept a picture of his friends, it wasn't like he kept a picture of his ex and himself.

You felt a little shy for being jealous for a moment as you put the photographs back in place when your hand accidentally hit a smaller box. You frowned curiously and took it realizing it was a jewelry box. You opened it and found a beautiful ring inside, the one you immediately recognized it as his mother's ring.

You knew he had inherited the ring so one day he would give it to the woman he loved and had plans to spend his life with. No wonder Lorraine got the ring when they got engaged, you remembered when Javi had a few drinks one night and told you between laughter she got so pissed off she refused to return him his mother's ring, and the only reason they managed to recover it was because Chucho had to personally go to her house and have an honest chat with her dad, who then, made her return the ring.

You didn't know Chucho trusted his son with the ring again and you didn't know he had brought it to Colombia.

Then suddenly, a thought occurred to you. Would you ever get his mother's ring?

You didn't know, but it was time you stopped snooping around his things, so you took one last time at the beautiful golden band, adorned with a gorgeou red gem. It was simple, but so heartfelt. You smiled at yourself and placed everything back into place.

•••

"Fuck this, I'm out!" Javier said angrily as he stared at Judy's cynical face. He was done working with those people, they were as bad as Pablo Escobar. They were a cartel, who brought as many problems as Escobar did, just because their power wasn't as extent as their common enemy, they were still criminals. They were a cartel, they produced, sold and profited from drugs, they killed people everyday, good and bad people and they only acted upon Pablo, because they wanted to take his place in the drug cartel chain. When you use a plague to exterminate another one, it doesn't mean they aren't plagues anymore.

Judy on the other hand just laughed as she nodded at her sicario, who immediately grabbed Javier and shoved it against the couch

"I think it's too late for that, what would people say if they knew a DEA agent had an agreement with Los Pepes? Do you think the american press would be pleased?" She asked calmly taking a sip of her drink and watching as Javier stared at her.

"Besides, we know you have a girlfriend, you make a cute couple, I'm sure you as an agent would do whatever it takes you to protect her, wouldn't you? Of course, Los Pepes would never do anything to her, but we can't assure Pablo's sicarios wouldn't… you know what I mean, Mr.Peña?"

Javi went pale at the mention of you, which didn't go unnoticed by Judy who chuckled and shook her head "I'm just joking, agent Peña, you know how family is important to me, and I would never risk anyone who matters to my alleys… as long as they remain my alleys" she said.

Javier understood it perfectly and calmed down, nodding at her as they continued their meeting. He wanted to grab his gun and shoot her in the face, he figured he would be able to take down the men in the room but then, it would only take the men who stood outside maybe thirty second or less before they could burst in and shoot him to death.

It wasn't worthy, he wanted to go home at night, he wanted to go home to you. He wanted to leave that place, go back home, find you and forget about the world, about everything else. He wanted to keep you safe, he wanted to hop on a plane with you, take you to Laredo and initiate his retiring plan, but he couldn't. He was too deep in it and could only hope Judy kept her mouth shut until they captured Escobar and Javi could find something else to do with his life.

He was just worn out, stress pouring through every single pore of his body and he just needed to get home to you, he needed you. Javi knew that was probably not healthy, not once in his life he had such a deep need for a woman, but he wasn't in the mood to fight that off. He groaned as he remembered you would have dinner at Steve's, checking his watch and seeing you were probably there yet, but at least that'd give him time to shower, cool down and try to get Judy and her threats out of his mind.

He walked into his building and distractedly looked for his keys in his jacket pocket. He knew they had to be there, but for whatever reason he was taking long to find them, he didn't see when Steve approached him and only felt when the other agent shoved him against the wall. Javier frowned pissed off and his first reaction was to fight back, even if it was his friend, he didn't hesitate before backhanding Steve just as hard "what the fuck man?" He groaned at the other agent.

"I should be the one asking you, Javi. What the actual fuck? You had a meeting with Judy Moncada?"

Steve saw the way Javi widened his eyes at his words and couldn't help but laugh at how stupid he looked

"You really thought you would be working with Los Pepes and no one would find out? You thought I wouldn't find out?" He pinched the bridge of his nose and waited for Javier to get his key, so they could talk inside.

Steve sat through the whole explanation Javier gave him. It didn't matter if it made sense or if he seemed to be right at some level, he didn't agree with that. They'd been discussing the actions of the death squad through their latest meetings with the CIA and some people insisted the problem was getting bigger and bigger. He could tell Javi was in deep shit, the kind of shit he couldn't just break free, because if Los Pepes didn't try to kill him and that was a long shot, he would certainly face legal actions from the US government.

"What about Y/N? Does she know?" Steve asked and couldn't help but feel disappointed as his partner nodded, confirming the information "I bet she's fucking proud of you, Peña" he groaned, but Javier immediately frowned.

"You can bet your ass she's prouder of me than Connie is of you, at least Y/N doesn't run away when shit gets worse" he spat completely in the defensive and though Murphy's blood boiled, he knew it was a stupid idea to bring the misses into the fight. Both you and Connie were not to blame if both of them were a mess.

"You know, the girls are upstairs now, they're probably laughing as they share a bottle of wine and talking about our dicks or the fact we are both morons…" Steve said "just let's have dinner with them and pretend nothing happened and we deal with that in the morning" Steve sighed and stared at his partner until Javier nodded in agreement.

When you saw Steve entering the apartment alone, you frowned softly "where's Javi?" You tilted your head, curious to know why he wasn't there yet, and not hiding how eager you were to see him.

"He's showering, he should be here soon" he simply said and pecked Connie's lips.

You could tell something was bothering Murphy, but you didn't actually think it was your place to worry about that at all. Instead, you finished assembling the final layers of the lasagna before putting it in the oven.

Another ten minutes passed, before Javi finally walked through the door. He had just got off shower, you could tell by the way his hair was still humid. He glanced at Steve with certain anger, and you were sure something went on between them, bur before you could actually worry about it, Javier's arms immediately snaked around your waist, he placed a kiss to your neck, as you had your back to him, while you washed some dishes in the sink.

"I missed you princesa" he whispered against your ear and made your heart turn into a puddle of love. You had been away from him less than twenty four hours and yet, it felt too long.

You turned around and smiled big, the same smile that made Javier's poor heart skip a beat. Kissing him immediately as you wrapped your arms around his neck. If it were up to you, you would have just ditched dinner and went back to your place, or his place, or even his Jeep, you didn't care, so you could be just the two of you together.

But Olivia's soft tugs on your pants made you break the kiss. You looked down at her and chuckled as she extended her little arms to you so you gladly picked her up, nuzzling her cheek and making her giggle. She looked at Javier curiously and gripped his hand tight.

"See princess? That's uncle Javi!! Do you like him? He's handsome isn't he?" You cooed at her, who gave you both a sweet smile and continued holding his hand with her tiny one.

At that moment, nothing in the world disturbed Javier, no cartels, no violence, no uncertain future in your job due to his poor decisions, because all he could think of when he saw you holding that little princess in your arms, was the only thing he was sure, the only thing he was proud of and the only part of the future he knew it was certain: his future with you and the family you two you build together.

_____

A/N: okay besties, so I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter because I honestly loved it! It was one of the chapters it felt like I was under a spell, everything was just flowing and I was so into the story, like my heart was melting and beating so fast just to imagine the scenes, it was like I could watch them before my eyes, I don't know how to explain but it felt special to me. I was also really dying for some domestic javi but i wasn't sure I was going to be able to write it, and then suddenly it all came to me. I just love how in love Javi is with reader, it soothes my heart. I like to see the strong bond they have and i just wish javier peña was real 😭 also, smut wasn't planned for this part at all, but it just felt so right, so erotic and so beautiful I had to add it to the story. I hope you all liked it and pls let me know what you besties think 🩷 💬

[luchitohamilton]

lewis being interview by margot laffite for canal+ at the qatar gp '23

I act like a kid all the time. I’m not embarrassed about it; I love having fun. So that’s why, you know, I’m always skydiving, surfing or I’m skiing or I’m riding my bike or whatever might be, that’s me being a kid. And that’s something I refuse to ever let go.

transcript below :-)

So Lewis. I don't want today to talk about the World champion, the Formula 1 driver, I would like to talk about Lewis Carl Davidson Hamilton, if you don’t mind. Can you describe the kind of kid you were at home and at school? What kind of kid were you?

[Smiling] Did you ever had a show called Dennis the Menace?

Oh yes of course.

You did?

Of that kind, yeah. Denis la Malice.

I was like Dennis the Menace 2.0. [laughs] I was climbing trees, I was just always riding my bike down the fastest hill. Naturally super competitive in everything that I did and, uhm, my dad helped me concentrate that energy into racing and that’s where stability came.

We know you were a huge fan of Ayrton Senna, but did you watch like every single F1 race, documentaries about F1?

No, when I was a kid I only watched documentaries on Ayrton Senna, read his books. Anything to do with Ayrton I would have it, whether it was a coffee mug or, not that I drink coffee as a kid, but I was watching Gran Prix from like since I was like 4 with my dad on the weekends. Yeah, Sunday sitting with my dad watching races was one of the best times, I remember.

If you could go back in time, where and when would it be?

It would probably be when I was living with my mum, before I was 8, so, yeah.

You are running the world so, how difficult is it to build friendships?

Yeah, it’s definitely not the easiest I would say. My two closest friends are from school, yeah, they are my brothers. Places where I’ve found good friendships are obviously on my job, and then when I’m doing music, when I’m working with musicians, it’s just like a different realm and there I’ve built some incredible relationships also.

What does being a grown up mean to you? Is it like tiresome to be more conscious of the impact you have on things and people, rather than the pleasant innocence of being a child?

I act like a kid all the time. I’m not embarrassed about it; I love having fun. So that’s why, you know, I’m always skydiving, surfing or I’m skiing or I’m riding my bike or whatever might be, that’s me being a kid. And that’s something I refuse to ever let go.

When you play a game with some children, maybe your family, nieces and nephews, do you let them win?

No, I try to win! I just [laughs] and they are good, they are getting good, so I have to get my wins while I can. But, my dad never let me win anything when I was a kid. I think is good to learn how to lose anyways, so [laughs]

Are you always on time or sometimes you’re late?

No, I’m always late. The only time I’m ever on time is when I’m getting in the car to race. But like if I’m going for a flight, I’m always late. I don’t know, I like the limit, yeah. [jokingly] I like getting there around the limit, I like the rush.

What are your thoughts and feelings about Max Verstappen? The man he is, the kind of champion.

He’s done an exceptional job. I think the team has done an amazing job. Collectively they truly deserve the success. Max has been faultless this year, he’s not made any mistakes. I only hope that there’s a time when I’ll be able to put up a fight for him.

When you quit F1 would you still want race like Dakar or the 24 Hours of Le Mans?

I currently don't really have any, like, zero, like, feelings to do those things. I love motorbikes, I’ve always loved Moto GP, still love it today. I have 2 super bikes. I think I probably always just gonna take my bikes out. I won’t compete professionally in anything ever again. It takes 10,000 hours to be, you know, a master of something else. I wanna spend that 10,000 hours on being the best dad or something like that, you know, or running my businesses in the best way I can. Where all my energy and focus will go to. For now, I’ll continue to skydive, I’ll continue to surf, those are probably the, riding the bikes, surfing and skydiving, those are the 3 fun things that I’ll make sure I always do.

Merci Beaucoup, Lewis.

Merci.

It was a pleasure as always. Thank you.

[smokestarrules]

Why Caleb & Evelyn’s Absence is Good Writing

So if you don’t know me, I’m a big fan of Caleb and Evelyn (Clawthorne. Because I’m sure). I’m fascinated with their story -- I wrote an entire fic about them in 2022 before we even knew Evelyn’s name -- and I find them both incredibly interesting considering what is both shown about them and not. Despite that, I had a feeling that neither of them would make an appearance in Watching and Dreaming, and I was right. 

Understandably so, some people were disappointed with that decision, that they were hoping for an entire flashback scene or something close to it. But while that also appeals to me -- oh my god does it appeal to me -- I also really enjoy the intangibility of it all. 

So, I have three reasons as to why I like that Caleb and Evelyn didn’t show up again, which I’ll go through in no particular order. The rest of this post will be under a cut because it’ll probably get pretty lengthy. 

1) Haunting The Narrative

Half of Caleb and Evelyn’s intrigue comes from the fact that in the end, we really  don’t know all that much about them. Everything that we do know is from second-hand accounts at best and the rest of their story is up to your own singular interpretation; we only know the bare bones of their tale, but at the same time, they’re both extremely monumental to the main plot of the show. 

They’re hardly ever shown centered on-screen (in Evelyn’s case, never), and again, despite their huge impact on the characters and world even 400 years later, it’s part of their charm that... they’re mysterious. You’re not meant to know much about them, not meant to perceive them as normal characters. Caleb never speaks in the show, Evelyn hardly even appears, and in the end, they’re not meant to be understood. 

Caleb seems to have undergone some semblance of a redemption, but that’s only alluded to considering how he ends up dead; the implied is everything, and getting a concrete answer would, in my opinion, ruin part of what makes this story so fascinating. 

Of course, the biggest argument I’ve seen against this idea is that casual viewers of the show, the ones who don’t care about combing the background of Hollow Mind for lore about Emperor Belos’ big brother, will be confused without the lack of context. And... I disagree. 

Sure, maybe some people haven’t seen the portraits from Hollow Mind, but they’ve certainly seen Caleb when Gus went through Philip’s mind in King’s Tide. Maybe they missed the book about Grimwalkers in Labyrinth Runners, but they definitely caught Caleb in Philip’s diary during Elsewhere and Elsewhen. Then, in Thanks to Them, there’s an entire scene in which Masha very kindly gives an entire summary on the topic, tipping off both the main characters and anyone else in the audience who may be confused. 

The story’s all there, both in the background and in the forefront of the show, and it’s weaved in so beautifully that it’s hard for me to believe that anyone would see Caleb in For the Future (of which is a scene I will be talking about soon) and have absolutely no idea who he is. 

So in the end, I think having a more clear understanding of the going-ons that set everything into motion would be almost doing a disservice to the fans who have spent their time piecing things together and it’s also not really necessary in the first place. It’d be nice, and I’m sure I would have gone even more insane with more to analyze, but with the way this show has always portrayed Caleb and Evelyn, them fading into obscurity in the final episode just seems... fitting. 

2) Philip Doesn’t Really Deserve Closure

It’s a simple fact: Philip Wittebane is kind of a fucked-up guy. 

Besides a flashback scene, another idea for a potential Caleb and Evelyn appearance that I saw tossed around most was this: it’s the end, Philip’s about to be defeated, and in the interim, he sees his brother one last time. 

Either he’s given forgiveness or not, Caleb being present at his lowest moment would undoubtedly mean something to Philip; over the centuries he’s spent a significant amount of time trying to remake his brother -- to make him better -- and no matter how you feel about him, Philip is a tortured soul. Perhaps Caleb could help him accept his inevitable death, perhaps he could have one last chance for Philip to have a moment of genuine vulnerability. 

He’d die with the ghost of his brother and the ghost of his brother’s wife looking over him, and he’d die content... maybe. 

Or you can go the other route: 

On the other hand, maybe Philip goes to his death kicking and screaming the whole way, with Caleb and Evelyn staring him down as he’s ultimately annihilated for good. The tale of two brothers is over, and while Caleb is the one who perished first, centuries ago now, it’s Philip who is undoubtedly the one who loses in the end. 

The last thing Philip sees is his brother’s hateful, tired face, and he dies with that image. 

Of course, that’s the one that sounds better to me; Philip is not a villain you could ever redeem (a cruel upbringing will not excuse everything) and to even make an attempt at it would feel cheap and be completely unaligned with ToH’s core values, which actively (and correctly) condemn people like him. 

The problem with both of these ideas, different as they are, is that both of them give Philip a sense of closure that he simply does not deserve to have been rewarded with. Either way, he knows for sure how his brother would feel about him -- or, at the very least, how he believes his brother should feel about him -- and it’s just that, the knowing, that rubs me the wrong way. 

In the end, the last time Philip sees his brother is in this scene in For the Future, and it’s safe to say that there’s no actual closure or anything close to it here. Whether or not you believe this is actually Caleb or just Philip hallucinating him (personally I subscribe to the latter), it doesn’t really matter because the idea stays the same. 

Philip spends this scene snarling curses at his unyielding brother -- who seems to be, notably, his younger self, given his hair length -- while also actively melting away in front of his eyes. Philip is the one who’s alive, Philip is the one who (he believes) is on the right side of history, and yet Philip is also the one on his knees, his entire body disintegrating slowly due to his own choices. 

As the episode continues, it’s shown that Philip is seeing Caleb and the other Grimwalkers that he’s likely killed as well, and they’re clearly more of a taunt to his already-collapsing mental state than anything else. Again I reassert my opinion that they’re not actually there, that they’re simply Philip hallucinating in one of his weakest moments yet, and because of that, there is no answer given. 

They stare; he tells them to “Shut up” and they don’t react in the slightest. They watch and they stare and they dare him to care about them in any way and the entire scene is just... a precipice. Eventually they disappear for good, and Philip moves on without even trying to process this phenomenon. 

Basically what I'm saying is that Caleb appearing in Philip’s last moments would give him too much credit. And that actually leads us right into the final point I want to make, which is this: 

3) Caleb Wasn’t Actually That Important To Philip 

In the long run, at the very least. 

Now hear me out. When I say ‘important’, I don’t mean that what happened with Caleb didn’t have long-lasting effects on Philip, because that’s simply not true; otherwise, my entire last point would be meaningless. Obviously, it’s Caleb (and to a lesser extent, Evelyn) who can be credited with initially setting Philip down this path; Caleb was probably the most stable thing in Philip’s early life, and losing him in a way that felt like abandonment -- and then killing him -- is undoubtedly something that would stick with you for a lifetime, 400 years or not. 

But Caleb’s death is also largely an excuse. 

Much in the same way that “saving humanity” is an excuse for Philip to commit the atrocities he does, Caleb’s betrayal pushing him towards that path and his subsequent attempts at bringing him back are also an excuse. 

Here’s the thing: if Philip was genuinely passionate about remaking his brother -- but better -- then he’d care about the Grimwalkers more than he does. If Philip actually considered every Grimwalker a potential Caleb that he could just fix, then he would not have been able to dispose of them so coldly. There’s dozens of their corpses piled under the Skull, yet he only even commits to memory a rare few. Even Hunter, the closest to Caleb a Grimwalker’s ever gotten, was given a Sigil! A Sigil, which tells me that no matter what, no matter how perfect Hunter may have turned out, Philip was never going to let him survive the Day of Unity. 

True, there’s definitely a part of Philip that hates the Grimwalkers because they can’t be Caleb, at least not in the way he thinks he needs (which is impossible, but I digress) there’s also a part that I think is just... carrying on because this is what he’s done for the past few centuries. It’d feel like giving up on himself to give up on the prospect of having Caleb beside him again, but there’s no passion anymore. 

In the end, I think Papa Titan said it best:

“...That man doesn’t care about anything but his need to be the hero in his own delusion.” 

That’s exactly it. Philip believes himself as the hero of the story, as someone who’s been suffering for centuries but will one day finally get the ending that he deserves. He goes through all of this not because he wants to go home and not because he wishes he could return to the life he and his brother once had, but because he so desperately wants to believe in the delusion that he is a person doing all the things he does for good. 

You don’t live for over 400 years working towards a singular moment without at least having the thought that maybe what you’re doing is incorrect. But Philip has never let those supposed doubts stop him, and by the time the series is ending, nothing matters except his goal -- to see the destruction of every last witch and demon on the Boiling Isles.  

Which is why, in this final scene of his, there’s not a single mention of his brother. His brother, who he’s spent the last 400 years trying to save; his brother, who, by learning to be better, essentially kickstarted Philip’s entire goal, but it became so twisted so quickly as Philip subconsciously decided that he was the only one who could ever fix things. 

To put it simply: Philip’s only ever been concerned with himself. His idea of morality, his vision of the Boiling Isles, his opinions on the witches that live there. Nothing else matters; Caleb is a crutch to fall back on and so is the idea that Philip’s saving anyone, it’s all just more vindication to feed into his hero complex, because he’s the only one that really matters. He’s human and Luz is human and so they’re redeemable, but he stopped seeing Caleb as human the moment he saw him with Evelyn. 

In the end, I feel as if it’s almost safe to say that Caleb and Evelyn as constructs are more important to the all-encompassing plot than they are to Philip specifically; they set him on his path, sure, but his descent into madness almost feels inevitable, death of his brother or not. He blames his own misfortune on them, and the fact that they're never quite seen makes Philip’s villainous qualities that much more emphasized, I think. 

Overall, I loved Watching and Dreaming and I loved ToH and I think the characters of Caleb and Evelyn are some of the most haunting I’ve ever encountered, literally and metaphorically. 

Their story is largely up in the air, but it still gets told, you just have to look for it. That's their charm, that’s why they’re interesting to me, and that’s why I am content with getting the amount we got of them. 

[thursdayinspace]

another random question but what do you think would have happened if scully had never gotten abducted?

i love this question. i mean, long-term, it would have changed *a lot*. no cancer arc, which would be the biggest and most obvious change. but what would it have changed right then and there? the abduction definitely impacted their partnership and their friendship.

in one way, it brought things to the surface, especially for mulder. he wasn't unaware of her importance in his life before the abduction. telling his tape recorder that he could only trust himself and now he can only trust her? telling her that the only reason he could see to stay with the fbi was if they were working together? he was already relying on her presence in his life. a lot. but when she was taken from him, i think he felt a fear and despair that he would not have anticipated. it's one thing to know you need someone who is right there, and who will set up secret meetings in a parking garage, and who, even if you *can't* right now, is someone you know deep down you *could* reach out to. it's another thing to need someone who is gone.

so in that way, i think he did become aware that he was feeling more than he had realized. and that realization definitely had an impact on their relationship. but there's another side to it:

the abduction was the first time he became aware of *his* role in *her* life. and what he saw there wasn't good. because mulder being mulder, of course he takes responsibility, of course he blames himself. the fact that none of it was his fault doesn't matter. this is when he realizes that their quest, *his* quest, is putting her in real, life-threatening danger. and that thought never leaves him again. we see that guilt that takes root in his mind there all the way up into the revival. so that is a huge thing. he would have eventually found other things to blame himself for. mulder takes things personally and holds himself accountable for things that are completely outside of his control. so if it hadn't been this, it would have been something else. because things would still have happened to her. but being abducted and being gone for that long and coming back on the brink of death? that, for lack of a better expression, really fucked them both up in a big way.

so, what is my answer to your question? i don't know. i mean, for one, scully's side of the story is still completely missing from this. i find that a lot harder to unpack. if anyone wants to analyze that, i'd love to hear your thoughts! but also, both these things i talked about could have affected them in any number of ways. it comes down to likelihoods and probabilities. in the end you never know for sure how a person will react to a situation until after they've done it. and you don't know how not going through an experience might change them. and no headcanon any of us might have will tell the story as it would have happened with 100% certainty because human behavior is simply too complex and complicated to predict with any kind of accuracy.

if mulder hadn't been pushed through external circumstances to confront his feelings in that way, if he hadn't carried her cross, held her hand fearing it might be the last time, that would have taken a huge weight off both of them. there might have been a greater ease to their relationship. mulder wouldn't be feeling that guilt. scully wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath of all of that. the abduction, in my opinion, brought them closer to each other, but also served as an obstacle on their way forward, because it's quite something to move on from, more so since it brought feelings to the surface that neither of them was ready for.

*i personally* think the abduction strengthened the bond between them but weakened the foundation of their relationship. because of that added guilt and the fact that they were not ready to confront certain feelings. i think his fear of losing her is something that came to define him. and he kept almost losing her. if that hadn't happened? things between them could have progressed at an easier pace. their friendship, and the love they feel for each other. but honestly, i have no idea. but i had a lot of fun thinking about this.

[keithsandwich]

First, on the phone

Pairing: Alter Keith/Maeve (OC)

Word Count: ~1.6k

Rating: NSFW

Tags: Phone Sex, Modern!AU, Country!AU (just for context, but it's still more porn than plot), Dirty Talk, Teasing, Language, Guided Masturbation, Alter being a bit of a perv.

Summary: Maeve received a call from someone determined to enjoy every single moment with her to the fullest.

Notes: I don't usually write fanfics heavily based on dialogue, but here we are. Quick context: in this AU, Maeve and Nice Keith were childhood friends until he lost his brother and moved to finish high school in a boarding school. After years away, he has returned, and Maeve is now getting to know Alter Keith properly.

Huge thanks to @bakersgrief for beta reading! 💕

Divider by @/saradika-graphics

“Aren’t you a silly girl?”

“And aren’t you an annoying guy? Gosh! So what if I’ve kept his Muse t-shirt all this time? It’s… It’s a really good shirt!”

“It’s not just the shirt, it’s ya sneakin’ into that guy’s room after he’s gone. Bet ya cried all over his stuff ‘cause ya missed him…”

“Oh my God, shut up!”

“Heh. Too bad ya can’t throw anything at me right now, huh?”

Keith heard Maeve huff in frustration over the phone. If he was honest, it was bad for him too. He missed the sight of her nostrils flaring, her cheeks flushing, and the soft impact of her pillow hitting him. He would take it into his hands, bury his face in it, and fill his lungs with the sweet smell of her hair before tossing it back as they engaged in a pillow fight.

All those sweet moments, ones he had never truly lived but only glimpsed in faded memories that weren’t even his own.

“This ain’t fair, ya know.”

“What isn’t?” Maeve asked lightheartedly, as if she hadn’t been mad at him a moment ago.

“The other guy spent more time with ya than I ever did. And now that we’re talkin’, it’s all about him. You're even wearin’ his shirt while we talk.”

“It wasn’t planned! I didn’t know you were gonna call… Besides, you were the one curious about what I usually wear to sleep. You wouldn’t know if you hadn’t asked.”

“And ya answered so eagerly, didn't ya? Why is that? Could it be…”

“There’s nothing much about an old t-shirt!”

“Not for you, maybe. Ya don’t know how my mind works…”

Silence. Two seconds of it, probably. Enough for Keith to let out a sigh as he laid back on the bed, wondering if she was still there.

“And how does your mind work?” Maeve sounded nonchalant, as if she was naive enough to just shrug and ask the obvious question following what he said. As if his mind was like the old, stolen t-shirt to her: nothing much. Not something covering the most delicious and sinful fantasies.

“I’m not good with words, Mae… I’d much rather show ya.”

“Make an effort. I really wanna know what you’re thinking right now,” she pleaded.

Fuck, he thought. She knew exactly how to use her voice to get what she wanted from him.

But not so fast.

“You curious little bird…” Keith whispered quietly. He was so sure that if he did that in her ear she would shiver; he couldn't help but imagine her doing just that alone in her room. “If ya wanna know that badly ya should let me come over.”

“Nah. But think of it this way: if you tell me, I might be convinced to…"

“Ya wouldn’t…”

“I wouldn’t have gone for a surprise night swim at the lake with you either, and yet I did. Remember?”

“How could I ever forget, Mae… Do you miss it already?”

“Hm, maybe… But right now, I really want to know what’s on your mind.”

“Ask nicely, then.”

“Pretty please?”

Again, that voice.

“I’m thinking you’re so damn cute I wanna tease you more.”

“Keith…” she murmured his name so softly it sounded like a moan.

He wondered if he was the one being teased.

“Can’t I tease ya ‘til ya wanna toss a pillow at me again?” He paused, waiting for her to sigh and keep insisting. Or to admit defeat. Whatever came first. But when the sweet little sound of her breath hit his ear, he couldn’t wait any longer. “This is what I’ve been thinkin’, silly girl: teasing you into a pillow fight while ya in this old t-shirt… Making ya jump on your bed, making ya laugh, making ya tackle me just so that I can grab you and pin you down on the mattress. That’s what’s been on my mind.”

“Well, that is… Not so bad?” She giggled in little huffs against the phone.

“Not so bad ‘til I hold your wrists above your head with one hand so I can use the other to check what’s beneath the shirt, Mae…”

“What if I kick you?”

“Giggling all cutely like this? Not sure if it’s gonna work…” He laughed along. “C’mon… It would be better than what we did at the lake…”

“Would you kiss me too?”

“Always…” Keith’s voice dropped, turning lower and more serious. “I’d kiss ya every chance I get. Especially when ya look at me with those pretty eyes of yours… Makes me wanna devour you whole.”

“Keith…”

“Can I touch your thighs as I fill your little mouth with my tongue, Mae? Can I run my hand up until I find out if you’re wearing something underneath this t-shirt ya love so much?”

“...Of course I am…” Her voice sounded so hot and heavy Keith could see her blushing in his mind.

“Of course you are. You’re such a good girl, aren’t you? Is it a white panty like the one you were wearing at the lake?”

“Oh, shut it…”

“Are ya gettin’ all shy now? Did ya think I didn’t have that image burned into my mind? That wet little mess… So sheer I could see the shape of your pussy perfectly…” His voice sounded more throaty than he intended, but Keith couldn’t control it anymore.

“I didn’t think you were looking… so closely…”

“I’ve got an eye for detail, miss. The perks of having to watch stuff through someone else’s eyes. But what about you, hm? I believe my hard cock wasn’t just a detail ya could’ve missed, was it?”

“Oh, gee… How can you be so… so…”

“Cocky?” Keith let out a quiet and low laugh, and Maeve soon followed. “Ya like it, dontcha?”

“What? Your cock?”

She was being bratty again, teasing him like that. He bit his knuckle. It was becoming harder and harder not to get in his truck and run to her.

“Yeah… That too,” he murmured when he recollected himself. “Have you ever imagined it… stretching your tight little pussy, hm, Mae?”

She sighed.

“Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself now? You were still using your hand to feel my panties…”

“Our imagination can run free while we feel each other, can’t it? But we can go back to it… My hand on your panties, my thumb… My thumb can rub your clit in little circles, can’t it?”

“Maybe…”

“Are ya losing your breath there?”

“Oh, shush… Don’t…” Another loud sigh. Her voice turned a little more husky, a little more quiet, as she went on: “Keep going.”

He hummed.

“You’re already so wet, aren’t you? I want ya leaking on your sheets, tho. Can ya do it for me, Mae? Can ya think of me pushing your panties aside and playing with your entrance a little with the tip of my finger? Don’t worry, I gotcha… I’ll keep my thumb on your clit all the time, hm?” His voice turned into a mess of labored breaths as he fought the urge to touch the length throbbing inside his sweatpants.

“When you… Say it like this…”

“What? Tell me…”

“It feels nice.”

“Hmm, I know… Ready to let me slide that finger inside you?"

Maeve swallowed her breath. This answer was satisfying enough.

“I won’t go too deep, not now anyway. There’s no need to. I just want to… To feel you, silly girl… Getting all hot and wet and… And clenching around my finger…”

Fuck.

“Keith…” she moaned. She downright moaned.

Fuck.

“Then I would go harder… I would find just… Just the right way to touch you, Mae. To touch your sweet spots… And I would go faster… Mercilessly… Faster… While stuffing your pretty mouth with my tongue… Until you can’t breathe, okay?”

“Okay…” she replied promptly, between hot huffs of air. Without thinking, without teasing, without caring.

Fuck.

“Mae… Cum for me.”

“I, ah…”

“I know you’re close. Don’t be shy now. Let it go, Mae… Cum for me, I need to hear it…”

She moaned again. Keith bit his knuckle again. His erection throbbed again.

He would go crazy.

“Give it to me, Mae. I… I can’t take it anymore…” He paused. The only things that existed were the sweet sounds she made and the overwhelming desire taking over his whole body. Keith held his breath. He thought he could hear wet sounds through the phone, and it would be the death of him. “I need you… Are you listening to me?”

Maeve made an incoherent sound as a reply.

“I… need… you…” Keith groaned like a beast.

She moaned louder. And this time, she didn’t seem able to stop it.

It was… Heaven.

“Attagirl… Enjoying yourself, hm? Go on, take your time…” he whispered softly.

“Hey…” Little by little her breathing started to settle down, and she laughed quietly. “Don’t tease me! I… I did not do anything! I was just… Playing with you!”

“Playing with me, hm?”

“Yes!! Only with you…”

“So, if I come over right now you’ll be all calm and composed?”

“Absolutely!”

“Heh. Let’s see what I’ll find, then.”

“...What?”

But it was already too late for her. Keith had already hung up and was grabbing the keys to his truck without a second thought.

There were many things he had lost because of the circumstances of his existence. He wouldn’t waste another second. He would take Maeve, and all those sweet moments of pleasure and need. All those sweet moments of teasing and laughing.

He would have them all.

Fanfic (all) taglist: @bicayaya, @floydsteeth, @solacedeer, @jozhenji, @scummy-writes

@lorei-writes, @mxrmaid_poet, @bakersgrief, @candied-boys, @aquagirl1978

@valkyyriia, @queengiuliettafirstlady, @welp-back-on-my-bs, @ludivineikewolf, @fang-and-feather

Taglist forms if you want in.

DM if you want out, or if you no longer want to be tagged in NSFW posts.

[pink-sparkly-witch]

The Widow - Chapter Eight (Finale)

Chapter Eight

Summary: Sam and Y/N are happily married, but everything changes after a fatal car accident leaves her a widow. The Winchester motto: "Family Don't End with Blood," takes on a whole new meaning for Y/N as she navigates her new normal with the help of her brother-in-law, Dean. But what no one can tell her, is what happens when she falls in love again?   

Pairing: Sam Winchester x F!Reader (past) | Dean Winchester x F!Reader

Warnings: angst, language, feelings, heart-to-heart, fluff, kissing 

Words: 2,641

A/N: That's all folks! Thank you all for reading and for coming on this journey with me. I appreciate all of you more than you know! 💖 I'm sure going to miss these two, but it was fun getting them to where they needed to go.

Huge thank you again to my gorgeous beta: @negans-lucille-tblr I’m not sure this would’ve even been posted without your encouragement, and thank you doesn’t seem like enough 😘

Now… go and grab those tissues!!

You can catch up here!

My Masterlist     AO3    Ko-Fi

Y/N’s POV

The first few minutes in the car are spent in awkward silence and it kills you. The relationship you have with Dean has always been easy and to think it’s been damaged beyond repair makes you sad.

“So…” Dean finally breaks the silence between you when you stop at a red light. “Good lunch?” He glances over at you and you scoff.

“That’s where you wanna go here? How was lunch?” You laugh, but it’s not the humourous kind.

“If you don’t mind, I’d much rather we get to the point and just agree that last night was a mistake and won’t happen again. So let’s do that, let’s pretend it never happened, not talk about it ever again and try to go back to the way things were.” You finish and turn your head to look out the car window.

“Before we do that, I need to say something. Last night meant everything to me,” he looks over at you and waits until you turn back towards him and meet his gaze. “Everything, Y/N. I don’t know when it happened, but I do know when I realised I was in love with you.”

“Dean…” you mutter. His words shock you, that’s about as much as you know right now, and you’re glad Dean ignores the interruption and continues talking, because you have no idea how to respond.

“It was when your car broke down on the hottest damn day of the year,” he chuckles at the memory, “and you called me for a tow. I was driving down the road you were stopped on, and I saw you sitting on the hood of your car, and you looked so beautiful. I swear you were glowing in the sunlight. It was like you had a goddamn halo or something! And my heart just stopped, and I thought ‘shit, I’m in trouble here,’ since then, I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re the first thing I think of when I open my eyes in the morning and the last before I fall asleep. Fuck… I tried to stop, I swear I did…

“I know this is hard for you to hear and it’s probably the last thing you want to deal with right now and that’s okay. But, I need you to know you were not a mistake, sweetheart. I don’t regret what we did and I never will. I know we have something that could work if you give us a chance, because you can’t fake the kinda connection we had last night. But if you want to pretend last night never happened and go back to how things were, then I’ll do that for you… but if I’m right and you feel something more for me, please, tell me.”

You remain silent and take in his confession. He’s right, you do have feelings for him, the trouble is, you don’t know if you can trust yourself. Are they real feelings, or are you mistaking them for the comfort and familiarity Dean gives you?

And then you ask yourself where this can even go. He’s your husband’s brother; people will talk. And it’s not that you care what they’ll say necessarily, there are other factors involved here. Including how John will feel, and the impact such a “scandal” could have on the family business. More importantly, though, you don’t know if you can do that to Sam.

“You know what? Forget I said anything. Your silence says it all, Y/N. Let’s just sweep last night under the carpet and chalk it down to bad judgement,” you know Dean is hurt because his voice comes out weak and defeated and you despise yourself for it.

“It wasn’t,” it’s barely audible, but at least you got something out.

“Wasn’t what?” Dean asks.

“Bad judgement,” you clarify. “And I do feel something for you, I just…” you sigh, and let your thoughts hang in the air as you try and decipher what this all means and what the best thing to do is.

“Alright,” Dean nods his head. “When we get home, we’re going to talk about all of this, okay?” Dean fixes his gaze on you and you nod in agreement. “We need to lay our cards on the table and hear each other out. It’s the only way we’ll be able to get past this, whatever this is, or ends up being.”

Again, you know he’s right. You need to get it all out in the open and be completely honest with each other because it’s the only way you’ll be able to keep Dean in your life.

“Okay,” you agree with a nod.

You go back to spending the journey in silence, but it’s not quite as heavy and suffocating as before, and you have the tiniest glimmer of hope that everything will work out just fine.

Sitting on your sofa next to Dean, you hand him a tumbler with a decent measure of whiskey and untuck the bottle from under your arm to place it on the table. In a bid for more time, you take a long sip from your wine glass as you desperately try to figure out what the hell just happened and how you ended up in this position. Dean speaks first and you sigh in relief as you’re at a complete loss for words.

“I just wanna start by saying I meant what I said,” Dean begins. “All of it,” he adds before you can question him. “I have fallen in love with you, and last night did mean the world to me.” With that, he downs the whiskey in one gulp and refills his glass. Now, at least you have your first question.

“So why didn’t you stay with me? Why did you get up and drink all night?” you ask quietly.

“We got so caught up in the moment, and neither of us even stopped to think,” he looks down at the floor and you can see and feel the shame radiating from him in waves.

“When we were finished and you were sleeping in my arms, it was like everything came crashing back to reality. I felt guilty for doing that to Sam, I felt ashamed for taking advantage of you when you were upset, I knew I’d ruined things between us and I knew I had no one to blame but myself.

“I didn’t mean to stay away all night,” Dean says, looking at you for the first time since he’d started to explain himself. “I only intended to have one or two to help me sleep, but I got upset and… two became four, and well… you saw me this morning.”

“You know you didn’t take advantage of me, right? That if I didn’t want it to happen, it wouldn’t have?” you ask him, reaching a hand out to cup his cheek and pushing gently to make him look at you. “Dean, I swear to you, I wanted it too…” you begin, but a scoff from the green-eyed man next to makes you frown.

“So this morning was what?” He looks at you pleadingly, like he was silently asking you to tell him that he hadn’t been a mistake.

“One big miscommunication, apparently,” you chuckle sadly. “Dean, when I woke up this morning, the first thing I felt was guilt for doing that to Sam. And when I turned over to seek you out, to get some comfort and to be told we didn’t do anything wrong, I was met with a cold bed.

“Fine, I thought, maybe he feels some of the guilt I do and was awake early, or couldn’t sleep… but when I came downstairs and saw the empty bottle and the bloodshot eyes, I went to the worst thing I could think of. Regret. And I went on the defensive, and for that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left without talking to you.”

“And I should’ve never left you alone. I’m truly sorry, sweetheart. Not once did it cross my mind that you’d feel the way you did. You know, knowing that makes me feel worse than the guilt ever could.” Dean’s words are full of sincerity and you nod, believing everything he’s told you tonight.

“Okay, so we both agree we did nothing wrong and that it wasn’t a mistake, but I still feel like we haven’t resolved this,” you say looking up at him. Dean nods his head in agreement, but remains silent, staring at you intently. You know this part is up to you–he’s already told you how he feels–but you stall by taking a few more sips of wine.

“I know Sam is gone, and no matter how much I want it, he’s never coming back. I know he’d want me to be happy and to find someone to love and who loves me,” you glance up at Dean and see hope in his expression. “But I feel like I’d be cheating on him or something if that person is you. And,” you continue quickly, wanting to get everything out at once, “I don’t know if I really feel what I feel for you, or if I’m confusing your familiarity with Sam for real feelings.”

Dean nods and reaches his hand out to stroke your cheek. “I understand that, sweetheart. I feel the same way, but you’re right, he’d want you to be happy, and if that ends up being with me, then we’ll get through it together. And if it isn’t with me, then I’ll help you get through it.”

You think about what Dean said, your heart filling with hope that no matter what, he’d still have your back. “How do I know if what I feel is real?”

“Well, sweetheart,” he chuckles, “I can’t help with that, that’s gotta be all you. Only you know how you feel and what’s real or not.”

Placing your wine glass on the coffee table, you shift closer to Dean and tentatively place your head on his shoulder. You smile as you hear him sigh happily.

“C’mere,” he opens his arms and lets you cuddle into his chest before putting his arms around you and kissing your forehead. The warmth and safety of Dean’s embrace spreads over you like you’ve just lay down in a hot bath, and it makes you hum in pure contentment.

His arms squeeze you tighter into his body and you find yourself raising your head to look at him. Really look at him. His bright green eyes show you nothing but tenderness. You scan your eyes over the freckles that dust his face like a beautiful, undiscovered constellation; he truly is a stunning man.

Dean licks his lips, bringing your attention to them and your memories drift to last night and how those lips felt on yours and your body. Slowly, you tilt your head and move closer to him, gently pressing your lips to his.

Hesitantly, Dean opens his mouth and you take him up on his invitation, deepening the kiss and moaning as your tongues meet. The kiss is gentle and slow, neither of you in a rush to be anywhere but right here at this moment.

With your lips still attached to his, you straddle him and settle down in his lap. Feeling the beginnings of a bulge in his jeans, you grind your core into it, smirking at his groan.

“Y/N, sweetheart.” Dean is breathless, and you find the effect you have on him intoxicating. “If you want a repeat of last night, I’m all yours, but I need to hear you say it.”

“I want you, Dean.”

Six Weeks Later

“Hey, handsome,” you smile. “It’s been a while and I’m sorry for that,” you say as you sit cross-legged at Sam’s grave. “I’ve had some things going on that I needed to work out,” you pause and pick at the strands of grass around you. 

“Something happened that I never thought would. I fell in love again. He makes me happy, Sammy. And I know he’s a good man and he’ll treat me right. If he doesn’t I’ll kick his ass,” you chuckle. “Then I’ll come here and beg you to haunt him!” your smile quickly turns to a sob.

“It’s Dean, Sam. I fell in love with Dean but I didn’t mean to. It just happened. And I need you to know that I never…” you need to stop talking to make way for the tears that won’t stop falling.

“I never felt that way about him when you were here. And I need you to know that. This is new and unexpected for both of us. I’ll always love you, Sammy, and I miss you. So fucking much every goddamn day! It’s just that I love him too. And I hope you can forgive me.”

You sit in silence for a while, just being. You know you should leave soon. Dean and John are waiting and you know they’ll be starting to worry about you. Movement catches your eye and you turn your head to see a butterfly fluttering nearby.

It lands on Sam’s gravestone and you smile, feeling a childlike joy at seeing the red admiral so close and so late in the year, even with the mild fall.

It remains perched and unmoving for a while longer before it flies over and lands on your knee. That’s when you know that this beautiful creature is a sign, and that Sam is with you.

You can feel him next to you, and you have the overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be alright and that he approves of you and Dean. The red admiral takes flight once again and circles your body.

You don’t know if it’s a laugh that erupts or if it’s a sob–maybe it’s a mixture of both–but it’s something, and you feel at peace with yourself and everything around you as you sit by his grave.

All too quickly, the butterfly takes off and flutters back into the nearby shrubs.

“I love you, Sam. Always and forever,” you say as you kiss your fingers and place them on his headstone before standing up and brushing the dirt from your jeans.“I’ll be back soon. I promise not to leave it so long next time.” 

Walking away, you feel lighter than you have in a long time, and you know that finally, you’re at peace with your husband's death and with the path that has led you to looking forward to a life with Dean.

“Hey, sweetheart, you good?” Dean asks as you wrap your arms around his waist and hug him tight. You can’t bring yourself to speak, so you nod against his chest and once more you let the tears fall, knowing that this time, they’re happy tears.

“You’re alright, Y/N, I’m right here.” Dean murmurs, and you feel another hand stroking your back.

“Sam would be happy, you know that, don’t you darlin’?” John asks. “For both of you.”

Pulling away from Dean’s embrace, you wipe your tears away and smile, “I know he is.”

You saw a red admiral at every big life moment after that day at his grave. You saw one the day Dean proposed, and again at your small, intimate wedding. One flew in the kitchen window on the day you found out you were expecting your first child, and one appeared on the day you found out about the two that came next! On every birthday and holiday, on the day you gave birth to each of your children, and on their first days at school.

It gave you immense comfort, and though at first Dean, John, and Jody put it down to coincidence, after the first few times it happened, they started looking for the butterfly on the special days too.

THE END

@deans-spinster-witch @muchamusedaboutnothing @kazsrm67 @twinkleinadiamondsky @waters-2567 @leigh70 @waynes-multiverse @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @chriszgirl92 @stoneyggirl2 @marilynnlew @ilovedean-spn2 @deans-baby-momma @acitygrownwillow @xxsovereignsarayaxx @frozenhuntress67 @lacilou @rach5ive @iprobablyshipit91

[foxwitchaine]

Question

Which characters from other media, do you think is a better version of miraculous ladybug characters?

I'm gonna take this question with a huge pile of salt. Because there's more than one show that does this concept better than what MLB does. That also includes how they handle the cast. I'm also gonna sound like a broken record with the upcoming "buckle up", but buckle up and hold on tight, everyone. It's gonna be a rollercoaster.

1.) Mr. Freeze

I know for sure I'm cheating just by mentioning him, but Mr. Freeze is what Gabriel Agreste should have been in regards to his quest for Emilie. Mr. Freeze isn't just a sad man mourning for his wife. He is broken. Shattered. Screwed over by people higher on the corporate ladder than himself (doesn't that sound familiar). Thing is, Mr. Freeze's story resonates with people and is part of the reason why he is still talked about today. He's also shown a kinder side, like the time he made it snow during Christmas in one issue of The Batman Adventures comics. All for the simple reason his late wife would have been sad if there had been no snow that year.

His demise in Batman Beyond left many viewers heartbroken, as we're left wondering what could have been.

Gabriel Agreste, on the other hand, is utterly and thoroughly selfish and thinks of no one but himself. This is best seen in how he treats his son throughout the show. Disregarding Season 5 (I have no idea how they thought they could pull it off), Gabriel has not shown one ounce of humanity. Not towards Nathalie, not towards Adrien, not even towards his wife, who he supposedly loves. Other than the show telling us how much he loved her (this is a recurring problem with MLB's writing), we never would have known.

Gabriel's death in Season 5, as a result, is much less impactful than Mr. Freeze's death in Batman Beyond.

2.) Madoka Kaname

Now this is a more recent show that I still think holds up. For those not in the know, Puella Magi Madoka Magica is a 12-episode anime series that aired in 2011 and, for lack of a better word, changed the game in magical girl anime. While one could argue that it tears down rather than celebrates women in power (as magical girl shows are supposed to do, Astruc), and it's not the most original concept (what is, nowadays), one thing most can agree on is the character writing, especially for Madoka.

Madoka, just like Marinette, is a selfless sweetheart who performs the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good. What separates her from Marinette, tellingly enough, is how her sacrifice is written. Throughout the anime, Madoka watches helplessly from the sidelines as her best friend Sayaka sacrifices herself for a boy. And then Sayaka gradually loses herself as the truth about magical girls comes to light. We aren't just told how Madoka feels about it. We see and feel it ourselves. I could write an essay on how well-written Sayaka's tragedy is, but that's beside the point. The point is, Madoka chose the sacrifice rather than having it forced on her by the writers.

Sound familiar?

It should.

Gen Urobuchi, despite his reputation, took the time to respect Madoka's agency as a character. Thomas Astruc tears down Marinette every chance he gets. You can't get more telling than this.

3.) Prince Zuko

You're all probably gonna get tired of hearing me talk about Avatar: The Last Airbender. But then again, I'm pretty sure every ATLA fan has heard that in the years since the original show ended. I've mentioned him before when talking about Chloe's botched redemption, but I feel this is the perfect place to expand and discuss more.

Prince Zuko is what Chloe Bourgeouis should have been in the show. And no, his redemption didn't come out of nowhere. It was consistently foreshadowed throughout the show all the way from the very first episode. This is an essay all in itself, so I'll refrain from diving into detail. But the fact of the matter remains that Zuko is the gold standard for writing a villain redemption. I could point out Darth Vader as another example of a villain redemption. But where he had to die to redeem himself, Zuko didn't.

Zuko also had a better-written backstory that explained (not excused, there's a difference) his behavior at the start of the show. I can't claim to know what the MLB writers had in mind when writing Chloe, but I'm pretty sure Audrey Bourgeois was supposed to be the Ozai figure in Chloe's backstory. Which leads me to my next point:

Zuko wasn't forgiven right away.

Yes. You heard that right.

Zuko had to work to be forgiven by the people he had wronged. And guess what? He failed. If anyone remembers when Azula critically injured Aang and Zuko betrayed Iroh to the Fire Nation, you'll all know what I'm talking about.

Zuko fell during his redemption arc. But he got back up again. And he apologized — genuinely apologized — to the man he betrayed.

4.) Odd Della Robbia

Code Lyoko is a relic from the early 2000s eras of cartoons. And boy, could I write essay after essay on this show. But since we're talking about characters and such, we'll be focusing on this lovable jokester from the show.

Odd Della Robbia is what Chat Noir should have been if he had been in the hands of competent writers. Odd isn't just the perpetually hungry jokester of the group who chased the first pretty girl who caught his attention. He pulled his weight in the battles against the malevolent AI X.A.N.A. Be it through helping Aelita reach the Towers, fighting Specters in the real world, heck even fending off Sissi during her worst moments. Perhaps even more damning is how Odd, despite his less pleasant actions and habits, was more of a true friend to his group than Chat Noir is to Ladybug.

Yes, writers. You can write a jokester character beyond what comes from his mouth.

No, this doesn't mean you can let them harass everyone they come across.

Perhaps, I'm gonna say this a lot, even more damning is how Odd responds to the rejections from the various pretty girls he chases. He actually takes no for an answer. Shocking, isn't it. He chases a skirt, they say no, he moves on. And no, this isn't portrayed as romantic or heroic. It's portrayed just as it is. A hormonal teenage boy being prone to doing stupid things.

What teenager hasn't done something stupid thanks to their hormones?

5.) Susan Ashworth

(Content Warning: mature themes such as suicidal depression)

I'm venturing into mature video games here, admittedly. I couldn't quite find one from my childhood that stood out, so I browsed through some game playthroughs I watched years ago. Ultimately, I settled on Susan Ashworth from the 2012 game The Cat Lady. Astruc being a man shouldn't be an excuse for him writing Marinette and other female characters so poorly. Why? Because Susan Ashworth, and by extension the game she is from, was written by a man.

Funny. I know.

What's even more amazing is how the developer Remigiusz Michalski, who publishes his games under the label Harvester Games, tackled such serious topics such as depression and suicide. No, he didn't use them for shock value, as that's very commonly done very tactlessly. He handled them with maturity and grace. Susan isn't defined by her depression even though she successfully committed suicide in the opening of the game. She has moments of humor and snark, like in the scene where Mitzi is showing her how to use social media. It also helps that Michalski... actually knows what he's talking about, as it's stated in interviews that he worked as a nurse before he created the first game Downfall in 2009.

I can't stress enough the importance of research before writing. Astruc clearly has a lot of ideas he wants to shove into Miraculous Ladybug, but they all fall flat due to a glaring lack of research and preparation. I'm not saying go do gruesome things for your craft and stick to "write what you know". I'm saying know what you're getting into before you dive in. One glaring example I think everyone can agree was poorly handled was Qilin, thanks to plot with the racist ticket inspector.

Michalski clearly knew what he was doing when he wrote Susan's story. Astruc continues to flail in his attempts to keep Miraculous Ladybug relevant.

Honorable Mentions:

Ratchet and Clank, Jak and Daxter - This is how you write snarky hero and sidekick duos

Jerry, from Totally Spies - Come on. You all knew as soon as I mentioned Code Lyoko that this guy would come up

Mandy, also from Totally Spies - She's very entertaining despite being the high school queen bee archetype. It also helps that she consistently faced punishment for her actions

Sissi Delmas, from Code Lyoko - I was gonna use her in place of Zuko just for the fact she showed other traits, such as her protectiveness of Milly during the zombie episode

Uncle Iroh - Do I even need to say it out loud?

KOS-MOS, from the Xenosaga trilogy - She's an excellent example of how to slowly unveil a character throughout the story

Tidus and Yuna, from Final Fantasy X - A really good example of how to write a romance into the story without dragging the plot down

Fiona Belli, from Haunting Ground - A bit polarizing, I know, but Fiona's friendship with Hewie is so heartwarming and grounding. Basically what Chat Noir should have also been to Ladybug