#i will probably delete these posts tomorrow maybe

[lurkiestvoid]

other things I wished I could fit in that poll:

- made eye contact with a spider at age 4 and never really recovered

- that weird dream where I am sobbing and feebly attempting to beat up a doll with my grandpa's face that won't stop cackling

- that other weird dream where I am just. straight up eaten by a t-rex but it's all like 2D stopmotion sidescrolling papercut style

- that other other weird dream where I am trapped in my childhood bedroom while it slowly floods with scorpions and/or lava

- fourth grade teacher was a kind old lady to everyone else but inexplicably Hated Me Specifically for some reason

- fell down a flight of stairs in 5th grade, broke three bones in my foot, and limped around for nearly a week before telling anyone. Got crutches and immediately faceplanted on ice

- didn't (couldn't) figure out I was hella gay until grandpa died

- [crime]

[frenchfriedgiraffe]

would have liked to see more of the consequences of dirks time at blackwing pls :((

[creationsabyss]

My thoughts on the Aventurine drama

I've been inactive for a while, I was (still am) busy in real life but coming back online to post and seeing discourse about a newly crowned favorite character is disheartening. Even more so, that people are harassing other writers over a drama I feel is overblown.

I have thoughts regarding it but I'm unsure if my opinion would be appreciated. But if you'd like to peacefully talk it out with me, I'd be happy to lend an ear. I'd like to hear both sides, as meager as my opinion may be.

Oh boy, here we go.

Aventurine is a character, a fictional being born to entertain the players. He is not real. He can not be offended by what you create of him. There is no point getting upset on the behalf of a character and prioritizing fiction over a person who does actually exist.

If we do want to condemn slavery fics, why not also cancel slave reader fics? Or ones that include things such as dead dove (including yanderes in general) fics because those topics are equally terrible to condone and write about from that point of view. Or how about other characters that have similar topics in their lore. Should those also be canceled too?

*There are also folks who make problematic pieces to help cope with their own trauma. Does that mean they should be canceled too? (On that note: making a piece that holds problematic content does not always mean the person condones it in real life. Fiction is fiction for a reason.)

In the end, I think everyone can have their own opinions, but I would like to say that your opinions do not justify terrible actions. Just because you disagree with something does not justify you bullying someone into deleting one of their works, whether it is art or writing or anything else, I do not think that is justifiable. Harassing someone or calling people to harass them is not right either.

*If you did disagree with it, why not message the author about it instead of making accusatory posts? Even when done with good intentions, all it does is cause harm when it's practically inviting people to go harass someone over a fanfiction. A very mild fanfiction at that.

If you disagree with a piece, cool. That's your opinion. Just don't interact with it then. Block that creator or that tag or whatever it is that led you there. Or if you're curious, ask that creator.

Also, to reiterate, in my opinion, fiction is still just fiction. Especially when it's a fanfiction about a fictional character. Yes, his canon lore exists, but people can use that basis in fanfiction, something that will inherently warp canon because we are not the original writers and can not capture him in the exact way he was created. In case that doesn't make sense: Fanfiction does not have to comply with the original lore. Also since some of you seem to be forgetting: fiction does not mirror real life.

If you are truly that concerned over sensitive topics like that, directing that energy towards projects that involve such topics in real life would be much better than attacking people on the internet.

[beedelia]

i thought i was getting better, but i couldn't have been more wrong. i'm constantly hypervigilant, i dissociate, i have nightmares, i panic at the slightest trigger, i feel like i'm a problem and an annoyance. i'm so tired. i feel like an utter failure right now. i know healing isn't linear, that there will be times where it'll get bad again, and yet i'm mad at myself for not having the strength to fight the thoughts, to fight the trauma responses. i know it's stupid, especially given my physical health is bad and not helping, but the thoughts...

it's always that little voice at the back of my head that repeats over and over how i'm a failure, i'm unloveable, i'm a burden, i'm an annoyance. and i don't have the strength to fight it. i know it's linked to my ptsd and right now it's bad. therapy has made me cry more in the past few weeks than it has in months because i'm realising things and because it's bad, it's just bad.

so i shut down, i hide, i make myself as little as possible. because i don't know what else to do. i get triggered so easily that i feel like i'll just be a burden if it happens during a conversation. i barely go outside because the hypervigilance is so bad, i'm so tense that my muscles are sore afterwards. and then there's that voice that doesn't leave me alone so to avoid being any of the things it tells me i am, i just stay away from people. i cannot annoy them if i don't talk to them, right?

people expect trauma to have made me strong and often it's the case, but sometimes — like right now — i don't feel strong. truth is i need a hug and/or reassurance because i'm tired and i cannot fight the voice, i cannot fight the trauma. i'm not strong, i don't feel strong. i feel exhausted and alone. my own fault for feeling alone, but i don't dare to ask for reassurance. i'm too scared to do it.

sometimes i wonder what did i do to deserve this? and there's no answer. there's never an answer...

[strangerhands]

ohmygodddddd i am a fucking genius...👁️ the fic idea i just came up with. the Specific Line i thought up. its such a random idea but its so so cute and sweet and ugh its gonna plague me forever. kinda proud of myself to be honest so lets just hope i can Actually write it soon🧎

[pyrriax]

hi everyone remind me to never look at deviantart again

[arolesbianism]

So I may or may not have spent a good chunk of my day trying to learn how to look into onis code and while I may not have yet succeeded I will likely keep fucking around with shit tomorrow and if I manage to succeed it'll spell great doom for my sanity as oni becomes the interest I've officially poured the most effort into analyzing

[stereax]

woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way

but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D

anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎

[buckleyseddie]

...

[voiceshearingyouloud]

Paranoia got me walking shiftily, glancing around and talking to myself meanwhile I’m just trying to get groceries

[chatterbox-juice]

yo i made a different blog to make it more organized i'll post some of my old shit there but yeah it'll be more [insert synonym for organized here]. i'll also talk more about my OCs, concepts, diff rewrites, etc. @unauthorized-author yeah i decided to make a new one bc the aj rewrite has expanded A LOT since i learned about AJPW being an alt universe or something like that. it's basically become a reconstruction from the ground up for not only worldbuilding but to make the lore make more sense (to me lmfao) also bc the constraints of sticking inside canon lore while revamping it makes me want to throw my head into a wall cause it's kinda convoluted and there's a lot of cool shit i could do if i just inch outside of that line (i ran a marathon outside of it) but yeah

[abigal-ln]

Daily Styling: 144

The final outfit. What more can I say?

[vse-kar-vem]

hihi vent post incoming (tldr im pretty sure everyone hates me and also im gonna fail all my exams)

[axolotlclown]

I deleted my post about the DSMP because a friend messaged me and let me know that Wilbur actually only worked on some parts of it, while the rest was mostly written by Tommy.

I would have left the post up, but I sat with it and decided that it's distracting from all the other posts I've made. I want to focus on what's happening now.

While I still agree with what I said, and I think we need to reevaluate content that Wilbur was involved with. Poking the DSMP bear was not the move. Not now, at least. I want to focus on other things for today.

[arolesbianism]

Y'know now that I'm seeing a small handful of ppl actually giving a shit abt oni lore it's making it so much harder to not become a nerd emoji every five seconds anytime I see someone talk abt oni because I forget that every source of oni information is comically outdated

[falazaria]

First time posting something drunk on tumblr so here just that spinning gif I posted a while ago but deleted because I got embarrassed

probably gonna delete this tomorrow again but idk maybe not