#i will now pass away<3 gnight

[payasita]

hi. its my birthday

as a present to myself, i've released the first demo version of my visual novel, Psychopompous: Post-Mortem with Carlos Aron.

if you like my writing or art, please consider giving it a try! i'll be making an official post on the game's blog in a bit, but im tired and this blog has some followers and its MY birthday so. professional stuff later

[gailynovelry]

If you were to write a spin-off about a side character, which would you pick?

Unsurprisingly, I'm actually planning lots of prequels, short stories, and weird in-universe documents for Heralds of Rhimn. Two big ones center around specific side characters from the main series.

The first is Children of Snow, a Frostbiters-centered prequel. Gildhe is the main PoV character, but other Frostbiter kids like Karah, Delise Merlie, and Alevar are liable to get a few chapters. Mostly, it's about Lonnie's disappearance, how poorly Gildhe deals with it, and also about how Gildhe ends up pushing Mep out of the family. Funny enough, Mep will not be a PoV character.

(He's had enough time to bias the narrative through the main series!)

The second idea is a presently-untitled novel about how Inky got kicked out of his noble house. Features some of the older characters, like Atevia and Ainzel, plus Iriah and Lucketh back when they were alive. I've had this idea for longer, but it's not quite as fleshed-out as Children of Snow.

Other extremely undeveloped ideas for stories with side characters include;

Courtfather Snow and Charlan's relationship and breakup.

Tincre's life. Oh Tincre . . .

Evain becomes the first guy to become a wyfwolf after the war dies down, and I'm sure that'd be a fun tale to tell.

Maybe how Morekai met Silamir? Eh. Maybe.

Short story about Crislie's Ma and Da meeting each other.

Something to do with the other courts, especially the Mirthful Ones. I love inventing their jestercore puritan names.

In short; brain go brrrrrrr faster than the pen can. Rip.

[nxtsnw]

KISS IN THE RAIN

summary: a pure brainrot for wakasa

character: wakasa imaushi x gn!reader

genre: fluff fluff fluff!!

n.a: seriously I was doing something else, and I just tough about that🕴and it's 1am here, gnight<3

Several people believe in the magic of kissing in the rain. Wakasa doesn't. He never understand this pathetically romantic stuff; being in the rain was only a bother. Then imagine placing your lips on someone else's under the rain. Although, he had a friend, Sano Shinichiro, a "hopeless romantic" as he described him, who often told him how romantic it would be to kiss the loved one in the rain. Furthermore, Wakasa refused to believe him every time and began to make a list with a thousand reasons why it would be only awkward.

But every time, Shin repeated the same words: “We live only once, right? don't waste a good chance, if you ever happen it to you, enjoy that moment, okay?"

Wakasa had never realized why his tone suddenly became serious in these moments, but he never dared to ask him.

During an autumn afternoon, the boy got the answer without asking.

You two weren't engaged yet between you there was something more than friendship, but not yet something that can be described as love.

Unlike him, you loved the rain that much that you could have stayed for hours watching it or even dancing under it.

Still, your friend didn't understand this, so you decided to show him what you saw in that enchanting weather. One autumn day, as soon as you noticed the first drops falling, you texted him to reach you. He came to your house, but he didn't enter because he saw you sitting on a bench outside. Initially, he was annoyed, but it all passed as soon as he noticed that you weren't even aware of his presence cause you were intent on watching the rain falling.

So he took a deep breath and sat down on the bench next to you; the rain was slowly increasing.

"Okay dear, now please, tell me why you like rain so much," he asked you.

You winced at the sound of his voice, but you just turned to look at him smiling. In the meantime, the rain had begun to be very roaring, and the umbrella that Wakasa was holding was no longer of any use, but, even though he too was soaking wet, he didn't go away.

Thus you got up and waved him to follow you, and, without uttering any words, he did it.

There was only the sound of rain in the background, no people, no cars, just it and the two of you.

It was a very unusual atmosphere, but you surprised Wakasa by moving slightly next to him and then kissing him.

At first, he was perplexed, but immediately he kissed you back and held you close to him, slowly closing his eyes and finally taking your face with his hands.

A thousand thoughts wandered through his head, but one exceeded all.

It was just a moment that had to be enjoyed.

Maybe kisses in the rain were not so overrated.

[blacksteel-art]

Let me Tutor you, ma Part 3

Title: Let me tutor you, ma.

Author - Me (Blacksteel)

Fandom: Black Panther

Pairings: Erik Stevens x (modern-day witch) Reader/OC and Erik Stevens X The female race.

Notes: Smut. 

s/n : If you wanna be tagged let me know! Also! Reblog and tag it with anything, I read my tags. <3

Summary: Serina, a music major is absolutely failing Pre-Calculus because math has never been her strong point and who could absolutely help her out? Erik Mfin Stevens, and of course, she doesn’t want it, but she doesn’t have much a choice now.

Part 3 of ???

Part 1 Part 2

“And I said, Nigga, if I wanted yo dusty ass I would say it. Niggas get bolder every day.” She huffed from the kitchen as Erik chuckled as he thumbed through one of her books on her shelf. ‘A happy witch equals a happy Kitch?’

He rose an eyebrow and furrowed his brow, there was that word again, witch.

She didn’t seem to hide anything about her, her home reflected who she was. Lots of plants and little lights, he had to reiterate that it was well put together for a college student. There wasn’t much clutter anywhere but he did notice there was a good amount of water sitting in the window encapsulated in jars.

He shouldn’t snoop but,

He made his way to the water anyway. He leaned over and eyed the slightly gold shimmering water.

‘Sun water.’ The label read.

What did that mean?

Her dog walked up to him and sat down on its hind legs before nudging Erik's leg in the opposite direction. Erik found it funny, the dog obviously didn't like him snooping around her shit, he could respect that. He could hear the tongs she used in the kitchen and the running water. This wasn't the first time she cooked for him and in all honesty, he hoped it wasn't the last. Her cabinet opened and she frowned, she needed to buy more plates. At least for how frequently she was cooking.

Plating his and her own food, she balanced his plate on her arm and then hers on her fingers before grabbing some Snapple from the fridge and holding it under her arm as she attempted to grab two cups. Erik ended up turning his head at the right time before he snatched the Snapple and cups from her.

"You could ask for help ma."

"I'm a server, I can balance things, been doing it for years." She told him with a little huff as he placed them on the table and watched place their plates down. His eyes followed her as she walked away to feed her little princess dinner too.

He listens and waits.

"...And then there was Brandon or whatever his sad name is, I bumped into him today and  that little shit thought I should apologize to him."

The eyeroll she had with it, made him laugh, it looked like she had aged a hundred years.

He looked at her and cocked an eyebrow.

"I should have punched him."

He looked down at the pounded chicken with some type of sauce and capers? Mashed potatoes? Scratch? He cut into the chicken and put it in his mouth before he held back a groan.

Goddamn she put her foot in this chicken!

“Chicken Piccata! I learned it from work!”

She sat down across from him and cut into her own before beginning to eat. He poured the Snapple as he looked at her. She seemed enthralled with her own cooking, what made her different?

“So, how did your class go?”

Her face lit up and she exuberantly recounted how she shut her teacher down.

—

Erik has left with a smirk on his face as she waved him off, goodbye after dinner. His phone has chimed so much that she thought it was going to explode so she opted to ignore it for the time. It wasn’t her business, to be honest, she had absolutely no hold on him and he had no obligation to explain where he was going.

They weren’t together.

Just two students who had a mutual agreement, he taught her pre-cal and she fed him.

Nothing more nothing less, right?

The law of equivalent exchange.

Besides she didn’t want a man like that, someone who pretty much used women and then tossed them to the side when he was finished. Whether he was her friend or not, she could still understand that if she let him get close to her like that, he'd do the same to her.

Through all that thought she had started a bath and dropped a bath bomb in it. The water turned a sparkly pink and steamed. She stripped down and looked at Artemis who dragged her clothing to the hamper and dumped it before trotting back into the bathroom with her and plopped onto the toilet seat. She sank deep within the water before closing her eyes, she could feel the water pulling the impurities from her body. A heavy sigh left her lips as she felt her body sink under the water before she stretched out. Turning on her stomach she furrowed her brow.

Boys are stupid.

She didn't know how long she laid in the tub, pampering herself and cleansing her body of everything. But she enjoyed it. Climbing out, (pulling the plug from the tub) she dried off and looked in the mirror before tugging at her long curly strands. Walking into her room, she looked at Artemis who trotted behind her and curled around her feet. Chuckling, she put on some sleep shorts and a t-shirt.

No need for undergarments, hell she was home.

Her feet padded on the wood floors as she plopped on the couch and turned on the tv, dragging laptop into her lap. A disney movie was playing, just for Artemis. Her fingers ran over the keys so quickly as she wrote the lyrics that had been digging into her so heavily.

One time for the saints and the sinners You know you gotta put it down like a winner Chances taken, smile ’til you fake it My mind's running all the time And I don't really like anything I find Got time? 'Cause I'm out of mine Had my ducks in a row, now they're slowly falling out of line

Maybe three hours passed but she looked at her phone, shooting a quick text to Erik, she closed her laptop. She stretched, leaned down and kissed Artemis on the forehead before standing and walking into her room. Shutting off the lights, she went inside and climbed into her bed.

No need to think too hard on it anymore.

They were mutuals.

....

Right?

--

The male in question looked down at his phone as he pressed the females head into her plush pillow. She let out a cry as her nails tore through her sheets, her cunt clenching around his thick cock. She begged over and over for him to let her cum. He could barely hear her, as he tuned her out just a bit. His eyebrow cocked at the text message.

'I'm going to bed, if you're coming back to my apartment, the keys under the flowerpot, Gnight.'

She was offering and how could he turn down his friend? She's all he could see looking down at this woman who was pressed against the sheets. All she could do was take what he was giving her. Her whine of his name, made him smirk and absolutely stroked his ego even more so. He wanted to hear more of that. His hand wrapped itself into her plaits before pulling her back and wrapping his arm around her stomach.

This new position had her seeing stars, as he pistoning his hips into her drenched pussy.

"Say it." He growled into her ear.

She gasped as he hit that one spot. Her body trembling.

"I...Fuck...Erik~" God, thats how he wanted Serina to say his name.

He wanted to make her beg,

He chuckled and gripped her chin after letting go of her hair. Her eyes slid open to look in the mirror in front of her. She could feel her cheeks heating up.

"Again baby girl.."

She whined. He could see that blonde hair and those hazel eyes, clouded in lust.

"Say it."

"MAKE ME CUM, DADDY!"

Serina would sound delicious calling him that.

She wailed as he drove into her with a solid growl, watching has her body tensed and she clenched around him, drenching him with her cum. He drug his own orgasm from her body regardless of how sensitive she was. She fell forward and as soon as her head hit the pillow she was out. He didn't say anything to her as he redressed and left the dorm before making his way back to Serina's apartment. Looking around the front door, he found the pot before moving his fingers around it.

Aha.

The key.

Pulling it out, he unlocked the door before shutting it behind him lightly. He didn't want to wake her. It didn't matter cause she poked her head out at him.

"Erik...?"

"Mhmm. go back to bed..."She walked into her linen closet to grab a blanket before pulling a pillow from her room.

"Here...get some rest."

"....Serina."

"Hmm?" She turned to look at him.

"Let's sleep together."

[blissedoutphil]

Where You Belong Part 9

Sorry for the very long wait, I had to go on a writing hiatus but the semester has ended so I’m back :)

I wrote like 3/4 of this chapter long ago, way before Dan posted his depression video. So this is in no way related to real life Dan, I’ll never romanticise depression. WYB Dan was just having a bad time in uni (might have written it based on what I was going through in uni myself...lol)

And I added this prompt into the chapter, I hope you enjoy!

3995 words of Dom!Phil, sub!dan, fluff, pet play/neko kink, cockwarming, blowjob, handjob, praise kink

or read on ao3!

~Masterlist~

Dan hated life. He hated his uncooperative coursemates, hated his ruthless professors, hated all his unfinished assignments. He just wanted to go home to Phil. To cuddle with Phil, or sit by his feet perhaps. He missed Phil, just wanted to relive his summer.

He’d planned to continue living with Phil during the semester, but here he was, 5 weeks into university and having to bunk in his friend’s room in campus because he had spent the whole evening in school doing a group project and it was too late to go home.

“I’m sorry Peej, I promise I’ll leave tomorrow,” Dan sighed as he plopped onto the spare mattress on the floor.

“No worries, really. I’m always here if you need help. It’s nice having company anyway,” PJ replied.

Dan was so thankful he had a friend like PJ. He’d been staying over for almost 2 weeks now. Every time he thought he could go home, there’d be some new assignment or quiz that he’d have to burn the midnight oil for. Maybe I should’ve just stayed in dorm again this semester, he thought dismally.

Phil had been so understanding, it made Dan feel like crying. He’d miss Phil’s calls or take hours to reply Phil’s texts but Phil never got upset, just kept cheering him on and assuring him that he can ace the semester.

“Miss your boyfriend?”

Dan looked up from his phone to see PJ smirking down at him from his bed. He sighed, “Of course I do.”

“I really wanna meet this prince charming of yours,” PJ stated.

“Maybe one day,” Dan smiled, looking back at his phone, finally able to open the unread messages.

Phil (12:07am): thought i’d stay up w u but an Old Man needs his sleep. pls sleep soon too babe😴

Dan (3:42am): its alright, its the thought that counts lmao😙  yh finally gonna sleep now gnight old man👨

Phil was so excited for his boy to come back home, 2 weeks felt too long. They hadn’t been away from each other that long ever since Dan moved into his home at the start of summer. He briefly wondered if Dan would be up for some kinky fun. Not that he’d mind some vanilla sex either, or even just cuddles.

Dan was supposed to be home about 45 minutes ago, and Phil had texted him when he was 10 minutes late, but still hadn’t received a reply. Another 15 minutes passed and Phil was considering making a rule about punctuality for Dan, but he decided that Dan probably had a good reason for being late and not answering him. He honestly pitied Dan and how busy he was. He’d been to uni, so he understands what Dan’s going through. But still he couldn’t help worrying if Dan’s not okay.

He was pacing around the living room when he heard a knock on the door. He quickly went to open it, seeing a very tired Dan. Before Phil could respond, Dan spoke up.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” Dan said, lowering his head. He sounded stressed and almost panicky.

Phil wrinkled his brows in confusion. “Hey Dan, it’s okay, no need to be sorry,” he said softly, moving aside for Dan to step in.

But Dan didn’t move, even when Phil gestured for him to enter. “Dan? Come in,” Phil said, but before he could grasp Dan’s hand in his, he noticed a tear fall from Dan’s cheek.

“I’m sorry Sir,” Dan repeated, voice quieter, “sorry I’m late, sorry I never answered your texts, always ignoring you. Sorry I’m so useless and dumb, I don’t deserve you, I’m sorry I’m good for nothing.”

Phil had pulled Dan through the door and into a hug halfway through Dan’s monologue. He’d softly shushed him but Dan wouldn’t stop, he was sobbing as he carried on bringing himself down. Phil held onto Dan and stroked his hair, feeling Dan shaking slightly. Dan wasn’t returning the hug, but he buried his face into the crook of Phil’s neck as he whispered negative things about himself.

Phil’s heart broke as he heard Dan say such things about himself. Where was the confident boy he’d been with throughout the summer? He couldn’t take it any longer. He pulled away from the hug and held onto Dan’s shoulders tightly. When Dan wouldn’t look at him, he tilted his chin up with his finger.

“Dan, stop,” he said sternly, and Dan finally quieted down, save for a few hiccups.

Phil noted how dark the circles under Dan’s eyes were. He gently wiped the tears from Dan’s cheeks with his thumb. “What happened, Dan?” he asked, unable to hide the worry from his voice.

“I deserve to be punished, Sir,” Dan sighed.

“Why do you think that?” Phil asked, trying not to sound alarmed. He softly stroked Dan’s cheek.

“Because. I just do. It’s what I should get for being such a nuisance,” Dan wanted to cry again, but his master had told him to stop.

Phil was still confused as to what caused Dan to act this way, but he was clear on what he had to do. “Dan, I’m not going to punish you when I don’t see anything you did to deserve it. What you deserve right now is a warm bath. And what you need is to relax. You’re not any of the things you just said about yourself, understand? Let me take care of you.”

Dan was too tired to protest. He was convinced that he was all the things he said he was, doesn’t know how Phil couldn’t see it. But he was tired, so he let Phil take charge.

Phil gently held Dan’s hand in his as he led Dan to the bathroom. He drew a bath and while waiting for it to fill, he carefully undressed Dan. Dan stood pliantly, letting Phil move him as necessary to remove his clothes.

Phil helped Dan into the tub and when Dan had settled down, he moved to sit behind the tub.

“You’re leaving?” Dan asked, voice small, but Phil could hear the disappointment.

“I’m gonna be right here with you, darling,” Phil reassured. He scooped some water up and wet Dan’s hair, before getting the shampoo.

Dan relaxed into the massage Phil gave as he lathered up his hair. Phil massaged Dan’s scalp thoroughly before rinsing off the shampoo. When he was done, he moved on to massage Dan’s shoulders.

Dan closed his eyes and moaned softly when Phil kneaded at the tensions in his shoulders. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually felt relaxed and comfortable, and he was about to fall asleep when Phil broke the silence.

“Are you feeling better, kitten?”

“A lil,” Dan mumbled, suddenly embarrassed by his breakdown earlier. “Sorry if I scared you earlier.”

“No need to be sorry. I’m always here for you, okay? I don’t want you to think all those horrible things about yourself. You’re smart and confident, you’re not a nuisance or useless. I’m proud and so happy to have you, Dan. You’re not good for nothing.” Phil ended his mini speech by planting a kiss on Dan’s wet hair.

Dan sighed. He wished he could believe Phil as easily as he believed the people in university who brought him down. He splashed the water, angry at himself for being so affected by people who don’t matter, yet unable to accept what the most important person to him was saying.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Phil asked slowly, stroking Dan’s shoulders.

Dan gave a small shake of his head. “I just wanna play to be honest,” Dan said shyly. He was upset that his return home was ruined like that, he’d been looking forward to playing with Phil.

“Just relax a little while more. Need to make sure you’re in the right mindset if we’re gonna do anything,” Phil answered, he wasn’t going to push Dan about his meltdown if he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

After a little more massaging, Phil got up. “You okay being here by yourself? I’m gonna prepare some things for you to get ready with in the bedroom.”

Dan nodded.

“Just stay until you’re really ready to play, alright? And if you decide not to play, that’s fine too. Don’t have to pressure yourself, I won’t mind. Your wellbeing is more important.”

Dan nodded again, and Phil gave him a small smile before leaving the bathroom.

What did I do to deserve him?, Dan wondered.

When his skin started getting wrinkly and the water wasn’t warm anymore, Dan finally got out of the bathtub. He took his time drying himself off before walking to the bedroom.

Phil wasn’t in, but he’d laid out the toys on the bed. Dan smiled as he saw his outfit. Phil knew exactly what he needed to clear his mind from all the stress.

He got on all fours on the floor and quickly fingered himself open. Then he took the steel plug. Attached to it was a brown cat tail, long and soft and matching his own hair. He stroked the tail for a bit, feeling the smooth faux fur. He then pushed the plug into himself, biting his lip to suppress a moan from escaping. When the plug was fully in, he wiggled his butt a little, feeling the tail sway behind him, tickling his inner thighs.

Next, he grabbed the collar from the bed. It was a thin turquoise silk collar with a small black ribbon at the front and a silver bell that hung below the ribbon. Dan loved the colour of the collar, it reminded him of Phil’s eyes. He fastened it on and tapped the bell, letting it jingle.

Lastly, he put on the cat ears that matched the colour of his tail and his hair. He crawled in front of the mirror to take a look at himself. For a moment he contemplated if he should get some sharpie to draw whiskers on his face, but decided that’d turn him from sexy to cringey.

He was a little hard from fingering himself, and looking at himself like this just turned him on further. He turned a little to look at his tail, enjoying the feel of fur on his skin.

After a while of checking himself out, Dan finally crawled out of the room. He slowly made his way to Phil, who was on the sofa with his laptop. Phil immediately looked up when Dan entered the room. “Hey there, kitten,” he greeted.

Dan bumped his head against Phil’s shin, rubbed his cheek against Phil’s knee like an actual cat would. Phil chuckled and scratched Dan’s hair lightly.

“C’mon up, kitty,” Phil said, patting the space on the sofa next to him.

Dan managed to gracefully climb up onto the sofa, and he snuggled into Phil’s side, curling his body as much as he could. Phil smiled and played with the end of Dan’s tail.

“You must be hungry, kitten,” Phil said, moving to get the plate of sandwiches he’d prepared for Dan.

Dan hadn’t noticed the food on the coffee table, and he certainly hadn’t noticed how hungry he actually was, too busy having a breakdown and all. But at the sight of the tuna sandwich, his stomach growled.

Phil tore off a small piece and fed it to Dan, who gratefully accepted it. Phil stroked Dan’s hair as he chewed, making Dan hum contentedly.

They kept at it until the sandwich was gone. Every time Phil fed Dan the small bites, Dan kept Phil’s fingers between his lips just a little longer than necessary, looking up at Phil with big eyes and moaning softly in appreciation. He noticed how his actions were slowly making Phil hard, but Phil would just smile down at him and pat his hair and straighten his ears.

After the meal, Phil turned the tv on and continued patting Dan while he watched the tv, scratching under his chin sometimes and stroking his back other times. Dan purred, it felt so good. He felt so safe and cared for. He closed his eyes and just focused on the light touches he was getting from Phil.

“My kitty’s so pretty,” Phil commended, and Dan hid his face in Phil’s side to hide his blush, but he couldn’t stop himself from purring at the praise.

After a while, the pats slowed down and Phil just rested his hand on Dan’s back. Dan was happy being able to just lay there and be Phil’s pretty little kitty. In that moment, he didn’t have any assignments to stress over, no exams to study for, no grades to worry about, and absolutely no rude professors or coursemates to bring him down.

In that moment, the only thing that mattered to him was Phil. And his tail. He began playfully swatting at his tail, making Phil giggle.

They lounged like that for about half an hour, but then Dan got bored. His and Phil’s boners had both died down, and he wanted to change that. He propped his chin on Phil’s thigh and looked up at Phil.

Phil only responded by brushing his fingers in Dan’s hair absentmindedly. So, Dan slowly inched his face closer to Phil’s crotch. Phil finally looked down when he felt warm breath against his crotch.

“Mrow,” Dan tried to meow.

Phil smiled and tapped the bell on Dan’s collar. “Gettin’ bored, pet?”

“Mrrow,” Dan meowed again, and he nuzzled Phil’s crotch.

Phil couldn’t resist when Dan’s looking so cute like that, looking up at him with his big brown eyes in a cat-like manner. He smiled and unzipped his pants, but didn’t go any further. He wanted to see what his lil kitty had in mind.

Dan eyed Phil’s crotch hungrily. With his teeth, he pulled Phil’s underwear down just enough to get Phil’s dick out. It was barely hard, but that’s exactly how Dan wanted it. He wanted to feel it grow in his mouth.

Slowly, he took Phil’s soft cock in his mouth up to the hilt. He hollowed his cheeks. With his nose buried in Phil’s pubes and his lips meeting Phil’s crotch, Dan closed his eyes and hummed in content.

Phil’s breathing got a little shallower as he felt his cock twitch in the warmth of Dan’s mouth. But Dan wasn’t sucking on him, wasn’t trying to do anything to get him hard at all. He was just laying still and keeping Phil’s cock in his mouth.

Dan focused on breathing through his nose. Deep breaths that were made better as he could inhale his master’s scent with each breath. He rested his head on Phil’s thigh and felt the weight of Phil’s slowly growing cock on his tongue. He didn’t want to rush anything. He was glad Phil was taking his time as well.

Phil ran his hand through Dan’s curls softly. He knew what Dan was doing, so he tried his best not to get hard too quick so that Dan could enjoy cockwarming longer. Dan felt so calm and relaxed as he put all his attention on Phil’s cock. Every so often, he’d purr and feel Phil’s cock twitch and harden a bit more.

They continued lounging, Dan enjoying being a cocksleeve and Phil absentmindedly patting Dan’s head and stroking his back. After some time, Phil’s cock was almost fully hard.

“Enjoying yourself, kitten?” Phil asked softly.

Dan, who had been so still that Phil wasn’t sure if he’d fallen asleep, opened his eyes and blinked up at Phil. Batting his eyelashes, he hummed happily.

Phil let out a little moan. “Your warm mouth feels so good, pet,” he praised.

Dan felt Phil’s tip hit the back of his throat as it finally grew to full hardness. His lips were now stretched around Phil’s shaft, but he didn’t move, still content with just being a cockwarmer. His own cock was also hard, had been since he got Phil’s in his mouth, but he paid no mind. He briefly wondered if it was weird that cockwarming managed to calm him down, ground him and chase all his feelings of panic and stress away. God, does he love Phil’s cock.

Dan could hear Phil breathing heavier, understanding that he probably needed some stimulation. Yet Phil was still so kind, not rushing Dan to do anything, putting Dan’s needs first.

Without breaking eye contact with Phil, Dan slowly moved off, dragging his tongue along the underside of Phil’s cock as he did so. Phil let out a small moan and gripped Dan’s hair lightly, almost knocking Dan’s cat ears off his head.

Dan licked Phil’s slit, tasting a bit of precum. He swirled his tongue around the head before giving it small kitten licks.

“What a tease. Cheeky lil kitty, aren’t you?” Phil said almost breathlessly, and he felt Dan’s smile against his skin before he saw it.

Dan licked his way down Phil’s shaft to his balls. He got up on his elbows and knees and stuck his butt out in the air, swaying his tail about while he sucked on Phil’s balls. Phil stroked down Dan’s back and squeezed Dan’s ass, making Dan mew.

“Ah, good kitten,” Phil praised when Dan moved to finally properly suck on Phil and started bobbing his head.

Dan purred as he sucked on Phil, the vibrations making Phil’s toes curl. The bell on his collar jingled as he moved faster.

Dan sucked Phil all the way down til his nose poked Phil’s crotch, and he stayed for as long as he could. His gag reflex was long gone, he only moved up a little when he needed some air. Dan repeated his movements, deepthroating Phil who groaned in pleasure whenever he felt his tip reach the back of Dan’s throat.

Phil had one hand resting in Dan’s hair, and his other moved to Dan’s hard dick. Dan was so focused on pleasuring Phil that he was barely aware of his own erection. He didn’t even feel the desire to come, gaining pleasure purely from giving Phil pleasure.

But as Phil started stroking Dan’s cock, Dan couldn’t help the little mews he let out while he continued to blow Phil. He thrusted his hips into Phil’s fist while bobbing his head at the same rhythm.

“Good pet, so beautiful like this,” Phil praised again, moving his hand away from Dan’s cock to stroke his tail and push the plug into Dan further. Dan moaned in response, arching his back and wiggling his ass.

Dan pulled off of Phil and licked his red lips. He nuzzled Phil’s crotch, taking his time. He didn’t want to rush things. Ending the scene quicker meant facing reality sooner.

Phil had went back to stroking Dan’s cock lazily. He really needed to come, was so tempted to push his cock past Dan’s swollen lips. But he let Dan go at his own pace, nosing his balls, purring when Phil twisted his hand in his hair.

Dan licked up the stripe of precum leaking down Phil’s cock before sucking him again. He had begun leaking precum as well, and Phil stroked him faster, making him moan around Phil’s cock.

They were both so close to the edge already, moaning and panting as their movements sped up. Dan eagerly sucked on Phil while massaging his balls, feeling Phil tremble in pleasure.

“I’m close, pet,” Phil panted, stroking Dan quickly so they’d come together.

Dan meowed in agreement with his mouth full of Phil’s cock. He hummed as he bobbed his head faster, encouraging Phil to orgasm. His hips were thrusting urgently into Phil’s fist.

Phil came with a loud groan, and Dan followed almost immediately. Dan moaned as he came, but never took his mouth off Phil’s cock as he swallowed Phil’s cum. Phil continued stroking Dan albeit erratically, and Dan’s cum spilled all over his hand.

Dan only pulled off when he was sure he’d swallowed every drop of Phil’s cum. He looked down himself to see Phil’s hand wrapped loosely around his softening cock. He pawed at it until Phil brought his hand closer to his face, then he licked up his own cum, cleaning Phil’s hand.

Phil was panting, and he looked at his kitty lap up his own cum on his palm through half lidded eyes. “So hot, kitten,” he commented.

When Dan was done, he licked his lips then rested his head on Phil’s thigh, looking up at Phil with wide, adoring eyes.

“Love you, kitty,” Phil said softly, petting Dan’s cat ears. Dan purred, then he gave a light peck on Phil’s crotch and tucked Phil back into his pants using his teeth.

Dan wished he could stay in his kitten headspace forever. He was so comfortable, with his cheek resting on Phil’s thigh. He felt so blissed, so safe and calm. He closed his eyes and purred softly.

Phil pet Dan’s hair for a while, but he knew letting a sub go to sleep while in a different headspace is not a good idea. He nudged his thigh a little, making Dan grumble softly.

“C’mon kitty, let’s go to the bedroom. Better than falling asleep here,” he suggested.

Dan whined, but got up on all fours. He yawned and pandiculated his back just like a cat would. He looked up at Phil, who’d already stood up, sleepily.

Phil smiled fondly and tried to pick Dan up like he would a cat, but Dan was so big that he ended up carrying him bridal style. Dan nuzzled against Phil’s neck as Phil walked to the room.

Phil gently put Dan on the bed, and Dan stayed on all fours. “So good for me, aren’t you?” Phil praised quietly, nuzzling his nose against Dan’s.

He pecked Dan lightly on the lips and stroked his cheek. “I love you so much,” Phil continued, noticing how Dan’s eyes began to water.

“I’m always here to take care of you,” Phil whispered reassuringly as he moved behind Dan, “Let’s get ready for bed, yeah.”

He stroked Dan’s tail, and Dan swayed his hips a little. Phil heard Dan sigh as he slowly pulled the tail plug out. He stroked the smooth skin of Dan’s ass before moving back to face his boy.

Dan looked up at Phil with wide, glassy eyes as Phil removed his cat ears. Phil tapped the bell on his collar one last time before unfastening it. He quickly placed all the toys on the bedside drawer and undressed, then returned to Dan. He gestured for Dan to lie down.

Dan curled into Phil’s side as soon as they laid down. He didn’t want to leave his headspace, but he could feel Phil pulling him out of it. Phil held him close and he listened with his eyes shut to whispered praises and positive words, willing himself not to cry.

Phil stroked his hair, hugged him, kissed his forehead gently. “You okay, Dan?” he checked in quietly after a while.

Dan opened his eyes and looked up into caring blue irises. “Yes, Phil,” he gave a small smile, “thank you.”

Phil returned his smile. He knows his boy was strong, and he’d make sure to always be by his side to help him get through anything.

“I love you,” Dan whispered. He felt so so grateful to have Phil, to have someone who cared that much about him. Someone who wouldn’t take advantage of him when he was vulnerable, someone who wasn’t put off by his outbursts and breakdowns. Someone who would instead pick him back up and remind him of his worth. Someone who knew exactly what his needs were, and would act on them with no hesitation.

“I love you too,” Phil whispered back. He watched as Dan drifted off to sleep against his chest. He knows they’d make it through anything, as long as they were together, where they belonged.

This is probably the last chapter of Where You Belong. I had fun writing it and I’m glad many of you enjoy it too <3 Sad to end this series, but hey it means I can start on new stuff :)

If you guys loved this series, it’d mean a lot to me if you guys nominated WYB in phanficawards <3

[acanadianace]

Oh Boy

So I got my IUD on the 1st and it is now the 4th and some of the side effects are starting to kick in, I think.

It’s a weekend and my kid is at my parents so, as per usual, I am being a lazy blob (I’m currently curled up on my couch while I write this on my phone). Snacking most of the time instead of eating set meals, which could be be what set my tummy off. However combined with the extremely stiff neck, headache and dizziness, I suspect this is all from the implant since they are all common side effects. Common sense.

I’m also pretty emotional over silly things because of this thing, which is GREAT. Watching and crying over YouTube let’s plays is definitely my favourite way to spend a weekend.

This are all pretty normal side effects I mostly expected but lack of interest in doing really anything is probably going to the hardest one to deal with, aside from this nausea that just generally keeps me from doing anything because I don’t want to spew all over everything. Video games are basically my life and favourite pass time and I’ve played nothing at all this weekend except Friday evening competitive placement matches with the boys, which was very fun and we did very good. I did however feel quite nauseous afterwards and have to call it before everyone came back for casual games later on; I was pretty sad about that honestly, I love playing with my friends from the discord.

Every day this weekend I have gone to be early; even before the weekend my anxiety over the implant was putting me to bed fairly early. Now, though, I’m going to bed either because I feel sick or simply because I’ve no interest in doin anything and am bored. This is fairly unusual for me, but I’m not about to complain about extra sleep either.

Overall things are progressing normally and as expected, but nausea is always a pain in the ass.

I don’t blog normally or regularly but I have an awful memory and I want a record of how this goes and exactly what happens and when and whatnot. I apologize if my posts aren’t organized or well written, frankly I don’t give two shits for the grammatical composition or superfluous and redundant need to marshal my personal oeuvres. Exhausting. Rightly, this should probably have been at the beginning of the bolg but congrats to you for finding the opener in the middle of the blog. I’m rambling now.

With everything going on it’s been hard to focus on the spring cleaning that desperately needs to be done in my house. That, and the fact that there’s still about 3-4 feet of snow outside. Can’t get to my garage to store all this give away/yard sale stuff, so it’s just sitting in my living room creating more mess and clutter. Can’t get out past my garage to my garbage bin so whenever I go through and clear out trash the bags just sit until one of my parents can come take it with the truck. It is a hassle and a half but I’m determined to actually do something with this house since it seems I’m going to be stuck here for the foreseeable future. But it’s a lot of work, I didn’t inhereit a house, I inherited about 100 unfinished, half assed projects that my dad thought were a good idea at the time (almost none of them were, in fact, good ideas) and it’s hard to know where to start.

Anyway, I’ve completely lost my train of thought, something that’s been fairly common this weekend, so I’m gonna leave it here, gnight.

[the-little-red-noodle]

11/28/17 2:06am

So it's been a while since I've written anything on here. I've been in a weird mood lately, and i know everyone says 'weird mood' and it's usually just normal but feeling eh i guess, but today i mean weird.

Last night i had an almost? Anxiety attack with Ryan. We were driving to ramen, totally normal, and then i started getting those paranoia dissociative feelings. I overanalyzes the world we were passing, i was seeing color and concrete and ivy and rubber and so many mundane views the you might see at 11:17 at night, but worse?

It's really hard to explain my feelings of psychosis, because the reason that dissociation from reality is scary to humans is because we experience things that our minds can't comprehend. When we experience something that doesn't fit our adult brain's scheme of reality, we freak out, because the established scheme is what keeps us sane. Everything is in it's place, and that routine is comforting. More than just the sky is blue and grass is green, but the concept that we cant touch or feel the sky, the concept that gravity is everpresent, the concept that my face always has freakles and the space between my eyes does not change, and the webbing of my fingers doesn't grow or expand, and everyone walking around this eartch just accepts that, all the time. And i guess since my accident, my brain just doesn't sometimes. Sometimes i get very paranoid when i look in the mirror expecting my face to look a certain way and am caught off guard by what i really look like in the moment. It's a couple steps further than just 'oh i look bad today' or 'oh that was a long nap, my hairs a mess', it's to the point of straight up not recognizing myself, and it's scary.

I don't even know what i want to talk about, theres so much on my mind but my fingers typing are bothering me because my left thumb nail is too long so it touches the screen and makes a sound but my right thumb types at an angle and the nail is shorter and i get hangnails so easily i wish my nails we stronger and would grow normally. I haven't been taking my vitamins the past few days because on thursday i took 30mg of melatonin and my respiradone and i woke up at 4:30 with heart palpitations and chest pain. I called poison control, talked to urgent care, and had to cancel work that day so i could uber home and see my doctor. I had an EKG and a bunch of tests and yeah I'm fine but i mean i sort of overdosed.. so that's terrifying. And that makes my anxiety worse because I'm so afraid of taking my anxiety medication because i don't want to get dependent or to take too much or idk. It's a lot.

I've been in contact with my psychiatrist but i feel like she doesn't really listen to me, she just prescibes stuff. I guess that's her job but still. Ever since my official diagnosis with ptsd and psychosis and needing to see a trauma specialist, she just wants me to take antipsychotics but since the almost heart attack i haven't been taking them. I also just feel really hormonal and crazy. My skin is breaking out a lot worse than usual and my emotions are really up and down. I've been wanting more space from ryan lately too, which makes me sad, then makes me want to punch myself and be aloof. I find that any time i do reach out and text him or want to talk before bed, he ALWAYS can't. Hes usually tired and going to sleep or already asleep or can't hold a conversation, so I've resulted to just pushing him away. I know that doesn't solve things, but honestly I'm sick of feeling like i always need to be solving shit in this relationship. Like at some point shouldn't he step up and be like hmm you're not yourself lately? Or like hmm you don't seem into it when we're in bed? Or hmm you're pulling away? It's sad because usually around this time i would have something else set up waiting for me and id just leave, and I've been trying not to do that and just deal, hut honestly sometimes i need more attention and i don't want to always have to ask for it. I need attentivness and i need love from him. And when i don't get it freely, i start acting bitchy and upset and snippy with him and i start fights and i act cold and i make him feel worse.. it's a negative feedback loop. Idk what to do, but i feel like itsalways me starting those impotant talks so when is it gunna come from him? Idk, I'm bored right now. I'm not getting enough, and when we do get to important conversations he just waits for his turn to talk so he can interject and say his thing related to what i was saying.. i just.. idk.

I'm just in a weird mood emotionally from life especially the relationship, and from psychosis feelings coming back. I have a lot of work left these last 3 weeks and I'm not sure how to deal with it all. I just want it to be over so i can spend time with my family and be calm and get back to yoga which i miss so much. I've just been getting more depressed and then i stay in bed more and watch youtube and hate myself. So that's been great. I don't really have to energy for a gratitude list rn so maybe I'll write one tomorrow. Gnight

[followmetoyourdoom]

Words // Chpt 3: Answers

An awkward meal with Jim staring daggers at Strickler followed by what may or may not be an awkward question...

Only one more chapter after this one, the epilogue.

Read it on ao3 or below:

"Oh that'll be Walt!" Barbara called to Jim in the kitchen.

"Finally," was Jim's quiet reply as he set to reheating the chicken satay he'd prepared a couple of hours ago, and not eaten at his mother's insistence. She had wanted to wait until Strickler arrived.

Despite Jim's hushed tones, his mother still overheard and she frown on her way to the door. "Be nice, Jim."

"Sorry, Mom. Just tired."

Barbara sighed. It seemed Jim was nothing but tired, and had been for the past two years or so. Sometimes she wondered if she should have a word with that Mr Blinky fellow to cut back Jim's training hours.

Then again Jim would say the same for Barbara and her clinic hours.

Opening the door, Barbara hadn't quite managed to clear the worry from her expression, and Strickler noticed immediately.

"Is something wrong?"

"Just Jim being tired. As usual," she said quietly, discreetly looking over her shoulder.

Strickler chuckled warm-heartedly. "Like mother like son," he murmured with a smile, "you're both hardworking." Gently he stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, and she happily leaned into his touch.

"Sometimes I wonder if I should take over the cooking occa-"

"No!" Strickler said, far too quickly, causing Barbara to blink and take a step back. "I mean, it's his passion." This was a rather lame - if true - response. "He enjoys cooking."

Barbara bit her lip worriedly. "But what if he hurts himself because he's so tired?"

It took all of Strickler's self-restraint to refrain from a) reminding her of all the times Jim had been hurt thanks to trollhunting, and b) telling her that she would probably do more damage to herself by merely looking at the kitchen than a sleep deprived Jim would do to himself.

Instead he put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "He'll be fine, my dear."

Barbara nodded and seem to suddenly remember they were still stood at the door and shuffled backwards to allow Strickler to enter the house.

"Sorry I'm late," Strickler said loudly, for Jim's benefit.

"It's okay," Jim called back in a tone of voice that implied it very much wasn't okay, "Mom said you had to stay to do some repairs on one of the collections. Which collection?" he asked nonchalantly, knowing full well which 'collection' considering he'd noticed the missing diamond when putting the ring back.

Strickler cleared his throat. "Private museum business, I'm not at the liberty to discuss it I'm afraid," he said, sitting down at the table after holding Barbara's own chair out for her.

Jim made a sound of disbelief which was masked by the beep of the oven.

Soon the meal was on the table, though something about the chicken seemed slightly off, and the side salad was looking rather limp.

Barbara didn't seem to notice.

This however did not deter Jim from throwing Strickler under the bus once again. "Sorry it's not the best, it never is when it's left for almost an hour." He pointedly stared at the party member at fault.

"I texted your mother ahead of time," Strickler said curtly.

"Mom didn't get home until seven pm. The meal was ready and waiting by that time."

Strickler looked to Barbara for help. "You have Jim's phone number too," she said matter-of-factly. So much for that then.

"Next time I shall inform the chef in that case," he muttered, defeated.

They continued their meal in relative peace, and Strickler found his mind wandering to the ring box in his jacket pocket.

More than once, he found his hand drifting down to pat his pocket, checking if it was still there, before he even realised what he was doing. When he did, he quickly curled his fingers back up and rested his free hand on the table once more.

He sneaked a glance at Barbara.

How on earth was he ever going to ask this wonderful, beautiful, amazing woman to marry him? Him .

Said wonderful, beautiful, amazing woman was currently stuffing her face with as much lettuce as she could, occasionally leaving the corner of a leaf poking out of her mouth.

Such beauty and grace.

Just then Strickler happened to glance up and almost did a double-take.

Jim was staring murderously at him from across the table, viciously nibbling on the chicken satay sticks without breaking eye contact. At least there were no sharp knives on the table this time.

Even so, Strickler found himself wondering if there would be a repeat of the first time the three of them had sat down to a meal together.

He could practically feel the vibe of 'I know.' And Strickler knew he knew.

Oh Skaargen, it was exactly like that first meal.

And then Jim surprised them all.

He finished his meal, put his knife and fork together, and stood up.

"Gonna go to bed early," he explained, "I'll clean the dishes in the morning." Jim gestured to the kitchen.

"That's okay, I'll clean them later tonight."

Jim looked as if he was about to argue with her but then simply shrugged. "Gnight, Mom," he said as he walked towards and up the stairs. "Good night… Walt."

Strickler raised an eyebrow.

Barbara pulled a face and continued on with her meal.

Soon enough the pair had finished and retired to the sofa, cuddling up together.

This proved to be a mistake.

"What's in your jacket pocket?" Barbara muttered, wiggling and then sitting up. "It's digging in me."

Strickler swore he felt his heart stop.

It's okay, he could do this. He could be brave. What was that phrase he'd heard Jim repeated over and over? 'Fear is but the precursor to valor,' bravery, valor… same thing.

He took a deep breath.

"I've been making something for you for a while," he began, taking the small box out of his pocket. "I would say it's not much, but it is quite a big deal. Took me a few months."

He laughed nervously and stood up off the sofa before getting down on one knee.

So focused on getting this right, Strickler didn't notice how Barbara froze up when he opened the box to reveal the ring. He didn't notice her eyes widen and her pupils contract, how she began to tremble and shake. Barbara didn't even hear the words he spoke, didn't hear how his voice broke on 'marry me' or how it took him several tries to ask. She didn't have to - she knew exactly what was going on.

And she was terrified.

Still Strickler didn't notice, not until he finished his request and looked up that is. As soon as he did, the smile faded from his face and he was instantly concerned.

"Barbara are you-" She held up a hand stopping him, the other clenched against her chest.

Strickler was lost. He hadn't meant to upset her; he wanted to comfort her, but he wasn't sure his comfort was what she needed right now.

So, he waited, frozen in place.

Eventually, after taking deep breaths and closing her eyes, Barbara spoke.

"Walt… This is very... sweet," she said nervously, "but I'm afraid I'm going to have to say no."

Before Strickler's face could fall even more, Barbara rushed to continue.

"Let me explain myself."

She took his free hand and pulled him up off his knee, unfreezing him, and guided him back to the sofa next to her.

"I don't think I want to get married again. Not now, not ever." She took a deep breath. "My last experience wasn't a pleasant one. That's not to say the same would happen with you, but still I…" her voice faded out.

"You wouldn't want to take the risk?"

Barbara shook her head and laughed softly. "I would risk my life for you," she murmured truthfully, eyes cast down focusing on their joined hands.

Strickler himself felt very confused.

His heart had gone from stopping, to jittering, to breaking, to soaring, to trembling with worry; all in the span of a minute.

' I would risk my life for you, ' the words repeated over and over in his head in her voice, in the exact tonation she'd used with her soft laugh as a backing track. ' I would risk my life for you, '. It was the symphony to his heart gymnastics.

He would do the same of course, without a shadow of a doubt. But he didn't want - would never want - her to risk her own life for him.

Nervously, he told her as much.

And she smiled, and she answered, "You're worth it. You're too good to be lumped in with… with him . My husband left me," she said without a trace of emotion in her voice, though the hand that held Strickler's trembled. "What I need now is a partner, not another husband.

"I need you. But not like this."

Strickler nodded, finally understanding.

Barbara smiled, then gasped softly. "You said this took you ages!" She gestured at the box which Strickler had closed once Barbara had pulled him back onto the sofa. She'd never even focused on the ring itself.

"So?" Strickler asked, not seeing the problem.

"Well… I just… I've basically just thrown away all that hard work, haven't I? I mean, I didn't even look at the ring."

Strickler shrugged. "It doesn't matter, my dear, it's just a ring."

"Can I have a look at it?" Barbara asked timidly.

"Are you sure?" Strickler didn't want to upset her again, and if that meant getting rid of the ring, then he would.

Barbara nodded. "It doesn't have to be an engagement ring, right?"

"No it doesn't," he reassured her, passing the box - still closed - over. "It can just be a normal ring."

She opened the box, and was silent for a while as she studied it.

"This is incredibly beautiful for a normal ring," she murmured, delicately tapping the heartstone. "You made this?"

Strickler nodded. "All trolls and changelings are taught how to cut and set gems. Also-" he took her hand once again- "you don't have to keep it if you don't want to, if it's too… flamboyant for you."

"No, no. It's perfect. It can be a ring for us. Not an engagement ring, not a wedding ring-"

"Just an 'us' ring," he finished for her.

Barbara smiled warmly. "Exactly." She held out her right hand. "Care to do the honours?" she asked coyly.

Strickler chuckled and slipped the ring onto her finger. "I insist."

[sorcieresque]

nick and daisy and shittalking damian and their own weirdass version of affection

Today at 3:00 AM

nickatnightwalker daise, you good for the night?

sorcieresque Yes. Multidimensional chick is  nice. She let me touch one of her planes. It was sick. Are you safe?

nickatnightwalker yikes. sounds kinky im fine druantia couch had to pass up on damian's lmao

sorcieresque I didn't think you would. He's unbearably desperate.

nickatnightwalker like...dude, maybe perhaps dont ask for nudes from random people youve only met online?  man i dont even proposition people publicly online

sorcieresque That's because only pedophiles, the feds and perhaps ye old bronies would be so direct.

nickatnightwalker so which one is he?

sorcieresque He didn't think a joke about his children was funny despite referring to himself, I shit you not, as "Daddy," so we shall hope it is not the first one.

nickatnightwalker he did NOT

sorcieresque I am devastating to inform you that he did.

nickatnightwalker ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyygooood hes a fuckin tumblr daddy dom im gonna dieeeeeeeeeeee good bye, libido, see you never again

sorcieresque I wonder if he has ever worn a fedora.

sorcieresque What's your professional opinion, doc.

sorcieresque God, I can't believe you almost had an orgy with him.

nickatnightwalker me?? YOU were the one going over there pantsless! which, by the way, was such a great way to get yourself totally murdered

sorcieresque Please. Like you don't know what I can do.

nickatnightwalker HE clearly thinks he's a death machine

sorcieresque Most men do.

nickatnightwalker ya got me there

nickatnightwalker i just mean i wouldnt trust him with a fuckin taser in my hand, you know?

sorcieresque Do you truly think that if he was capable of crushing someone the way he desperately tried to make those girls think he is, he would flaunt it like that. I can take him. Beside, I'm not stupid enough to spend the night with a random guy. Specially not such a What's that term you used, the other day. Over coffee.

nickatnightwalker so desperately horny you can see how blue his balls are through his pants?

sorcieresque Yes.

nickatnightwalker yeaaaaaah and if he calls you my sister wife again i'm probably gonna grab a pitchfork and join the mob thats ready to fork him

sorcieresque Frankly, I have no idea where he pulled that one from. I was weaving a lovely fantasy where he and I were loving parents.

nickatnightwalker i feel like that makes it more fucked up, but im not sure how yet

sorcieresque Heterosexuality.

nickatnightwalker oh,nasty what the fuck

sorcieresque Frankly, I would never.

nickatnightwalker same?? no wait thats not true i like girls

sorcieresque It's like I don't even know you. What would your father say.

nickatnightwalker smoke a bowl nick, suck a dick.  youll get over it

sorcieresque Oh, disgusting. Too real. Too close for comfort.

nickatnightwalker hey, you asked

sorcieresque Hey.

nickatnightwalker hey?

sorcieresque I hope we don't hate it quite so much here.

nickatnightwalker yeah me too.  that would really suck

sorcieresque It would.

nickatnightwalker at least im not in california, right?

sorcieresque Your step-father was going to be gay Hugh Hefner.

nickatnightwalker i mean, i couldve gone for the money but eh

sorcieresque Yeah. Eh. Goodnight, Nick.

nickatnightwalker yeah night daisy dont fuck off in the wrong direction tomorrow morning, okay?

sorcieresque If I do, I will know.

nickatnightwalker so will i

sorcieresque Now that we have gone through that extensive exposition, I will retire to my temporary bedchambers.

nickatnightwalker oh my god whatever daisy gnight

sorcieresque <3

nickatnightwalker :/

sorcieresque Wow!

nickatnightwalker <.................................................3

sorcieresque Ha! No takesies backsies.

nickatnightwalker i can and will go away

sorcieresque Are you threatening to induce heart failure in both of us, because you are embarrassed by an innocent emoticon.

nickatnightwalker yes, absolutely i am i will kill us both

sorcieresque I would never expect less of you.

nickatnightwalker dont test me daisy

sorcieresque I can and I will.

nickatnightwalker then we both go down so be it rest in fucking pieces

sorcieresque We lived like we died. Holding onto our emotional invulnerability with nails and teeth.

nickatnightwalker at least on our gravestones itll say: they were never all mushy and shit

sorcieresque No more hearts. Ever.

nickatnightwalker thank god

sorcieresque Godnight, Nicholas. Severe punctuation mark.

nickatnightwalker Good night, Miss LeBlanc.

[internalstars]

LIT Retreat

Oh my, this is gonna be long but it was so fun!!

Friday (4/28)

so i didn’t go to coffee or micro and just came for work due to me needing as much sleep as i can get before the retreat, and i had to hand out some things to D and J and didn’t want to hold onto them for long. Went to work, J got the duffle, D bought and brought me some chick-fil-a :) E swung by and so did D but lets not get into that.... S passed by and asked if i’m excited about the retreat, moved to back booth, E came by and so did J, twas fun

got my stuff and had 30 min to chill, i forgot to charge my phone all the way tho :( started walking to car, i was riding w C!!! and J and J. got there first, we had small talk, J showed up, and talked to him for awhile, we were left in the car alone, wasn’t too awk, C came back and finally J came. 

we went to walmart, right when we got out of the car a woman approached C, and asked if we can buy her some diapers for her baby, C said sure and asked her to come w us, C was asking her about her life, and we walked around trying to find her some diapers and wipes, C went quickly to get something, so J just paid for S’s stuff, she wanted some food for her family so J and J went to Jack in the Box while J told me to find C and stay with him to get his things, he was like right there but they already left, so i went with him to find water bottles, J needed some as well, anyways, there was only a small section and then i was like wait theres more over there, we looked for quite a while until he was like yeah im gonna go back to the cheap ones lolol we also had to pick one for J and he was like pick one between red and neon yellow so i said red obv, we paid and then we saw some cardboard cutouts of a lady with a big dancing skirt and man with a sombrero and guitar, so C was like lets take a pic with those jokingly and i was like that is a good way to start off the retreat, and he was like yeahhh so we took pics, i was w the man and had to tiptoe and he took one w the lady staring off in the distance lol we went to go find J and J and lowkey was worried so i asked C if they were ok and he was like yeah yeah, went there and C got his snacks, apples and cookie butter and i was like omg i love cookie butter and he was like theyre amazing but nobody rlly knows about it, so when we were at the table he gave me a slice of apple and cookie butter on it and i ate it, it was v good, he gave some to J  too, and even handed me the snacks for me to get some more, but i was like nah im good, J was in the middle of talking to S about the gospel and we were just listening in and then she prayed for us and we all gave S hugs then went on our way

we just talked, getting to know each other, but J fell asleep and so it was quiet for most of the cafr ride, we arrived!

they were just sitting around the campfire (no fire yet) with their chairs, saw D and G and c so talked to them, grabbed my chair to sit w them, C asked for some of my hand sanitizer and i was like it smells rlly girly and he was like it has sparkles too haha you caught me irene lololol anyways, we just chilled, mostly talking about their piercings, finally introduced myself to J and she was hugged me, the campfire got started, and we started sterilizing the hangers on which we had to eat the hotdogs from, i stuck a hotdog in mine but forgot to wipe it off first so it was black on some parts, had a hard time cooking it lol, kinda got the tip burnt but that was it, just chilled, had a worship sesh led by A and W, then C talked for a lil bit, then we played werewolf! it was soooo fun! the first round i was the little girl so i knew who the werewolves are, and when it was time to accuse, i accused C lololol i forgot my first reason but the second was that all the dead ppl was pointing to him, so then he came to defend himself and was like if i was a werewolf i would kill the ppl next to me and i shouted yeah like toby! (who was right next to him) and everyone was like omgggg hahahhah so he got ousted, then i accused A bc he tried to nominate someone to divert attention from J, so he was out, then J was a team effort and so was M and T by me, M and W it was so great!! we won and W was like i knew yall knew what was going on and we were all just so happy omg it was just so great

 then the next round i was part of the couple which means if one dies the other dies w them, and lol so A called the couple out to know who they are and it was jsut me so everyone was like are they single lolol and C even volunteered to be the other one but it was handed to C, then somebody killed C so we both died p early but it was great to actually know everything that was going on, C was a werewolf (!!) 

that ended and then T and D and I were just talking, mostly them two, C cmame by to say gnight bc he was going to sleep, he said good game to me, then i just went over to the game going on, was so confused, and later C announced to clean up, D and I went to the bathroom, then to the tent, we changed and cleaned up, also no running water, so no washing hands or place to brush our teeth, we did it outside the tent and spat in the grass, was v uncomfortable sleeping that night, first bc i was just unsettled by the fact that i didn’t rlly feel like i belonged there w others, and i kept praying to God but i dont think i ever finished that prayer, it was cold and hot alternatingly, was afraid to hit M, kept rolling around, no pillow, and the wind was super loud, 

Saturday

woke up at 8 for breakfast, D woke me up, we got cleaned up, then i ate a banana, and one poptart from J, C was right across from me, D and I went to the bathroom, then just got ready for the day, we had down time, so I was talking to J and she was just trying to get to know me esp bc i said i was from the philippines, i got hit by a frisbee tho, J tried to warn me, but it was too late and it hit me in my ear and my cheek ish, dude it hurt bci t was hard, but it went away, i started tearing up and J was gonna get me a bag of ice, L was the one who threw it -.-, C came to joined our little group but turned around to watch the frisbee game so that he can protect us from getting hit lol, then we had worship led by K, and it was great, J talked and then we had 30 min to just have QT, so we each grabbed a chair and i prayed mostly and looked at some scripture and then prayed some more, after that, we had lunch, PB&J, dont rlly like it, was not in the mood, so i just ate some of my hot cheetos, J ate some too and J who hated spicy stuff actually tried a few, we were in a circle once again, i was w J and C and J then J joined as well as T and J and D and J, they just told some stories, and C came later with a sandwich and cheetos within it, he talked to me about my hot cheetos (sad he doesn’t like it) and said do you know what ive been craving? that filipino food truck, and i was like omg yeah theyre great but they dont come around often, and J was like you can track them on social media yeah lil thing but it was great, then we played games, so first we did the rope thing where we had to hold onto the rope and be fully supported bby tghe rope, i was next to J and C, we almost fell at one point, then we split up into 3 groups and did the human knot, we were the first ones out and it was super quick too, Z asked some team building qs, then our group tried it again but it didn’t work lol so we just played bang and that was super fun, never won but had fun nonetheless, then once the other teams gave up, we played this suepr fun game where we pretend that we were in an airplane crash and some got paralyzed, broken legs and arms, blind, mute, and healthy ppl, and basically the point of the game is to get everyone across the finish line within a certain time limit, i was picked to be paralyzed both times, so ppl had to carry me, L carried me the first time w M and D and i was the first one to make it there safely, it was sooo funny bc T was paralyzed and it took like 10 ppl to carry him it was so funny to watch, but we all made it in 3 min!! when we were given 10 min, so the next time, there were more paralyzed and unconscious ppl and more injuries and a lot more guys were picked and we were given 4 min, so we started complaining, but we made it in 3 min and 15 sec!!! A was the one who carried me this time, w J’s help, was one of the first to cross again, and when we finished they asked what was a struggle and successes and i said that there were always ppl ready to help me without me even having to ask, then we had chill time i think, or maybe this was before lunch idk tbh, but afterwards, J was just talking to me and asked me if my parents were believers, i told her my conflict about church and she said she wanted to talk about this more so she offered to have lunch w me, then lit team and lead team got separated and C talked to us and split us into groups of 3, i was w L who i met for the very first time, and C, we were supposed to be vulnerable and what to pray about, what you struggle w, and i told them about my feelings of doubt and fear, we prayed for each other, and after i prayed, C was apparently there, and talked lol idk how long he was there and if he heard my prayer, but he wanted to talk to C, anyways, we were just conversing afterwards, then got the whole group together and we discussed what have you learned from God this semester in which j was like to pace yourself and not take up everything even if they are all good works, G was like you are placed where you are for a reason, and some other ppl talked, then we all prayed one at a time and just waited for further instructions, the lead team was taking a really long time, so first the girls and i were just taking then i went to the pond and skipped some rock unsuccessfully w others, then just kept moving around, the girls finally found a table and just chilled there, B came by ad said that there has been some conflict and theyre just trying to talk it out now, so we were super hungry and thankfully C’s car was unlocked, so i went and grabbed my hot cheetos and gummy bears and baby wipes, we demolished all those and then we were finally called for what to do next, in which C was talking about how this is a serious time now, and the level of vulnerability from you is up to us, then we were told to get in a single line and my heart was beating rlly fast, i was not scared but anxious as to what it is, the lead team were all in a circle holding up cardboard signs, lit each had to take turns to read what was on it, and then write our own, if we want, then go back to the line, honestly i was tearing up before i read their signs and when i was in line again, i just kept crying, then we worshipped and then Z talked and it was in Luke when Jesus washed his disciples feet so the lead team washed our feet, E was the one who washed mine, and then C and B talked and we chilled til dinnertime, i hugged D and she was like we need to have monthly meetings next sem to just chekc up on each other adn we all agreed,we had chili, and then we packed up and headed home, the ride home was more enjoyable bc we were all just conversing and C asked what we wanted to do again in the lead team, and i was like coffee and C was like i just think that yall would make good small group leaders, and i told him why i didnt put that down (im not strong enough in my faith to handle all of them and schedule ofc), and C was like I accept the second reason but the first reason isn’t a reason (or somewhere along those lines), and honestly that struck me in the heart, i was like well that was what i thought... and he was like all the small group leaders though that way and probably still think that way, which was comforting to me, C asked about our music tastes me:none

then all BSM met at whataburger!!!!! omg it was so fun, we were the first ones to get there, all sons and daughters song played and C was like ive never heard of this song before and i was like really? even i have heard of this song and he laughed, then he was like im sorry guys my car stinks and i was like it was more of a group effort, and he was like thats comforting, anyways i sat w M and J and S at whataburger, got bbq chicken tender sandwich, D was supposed to sit w us but sat w J instead, we talked about majors and what we thought about this weekend, we extensively discussed the cardboard moment which everyone thought was heart provoking, then i was around G and L and C and A, L wants a piercing and T showed up but i was like nooo, D came to just rest on me, showed T my cartilage, then went to hbu, kinda dozed off on the way, hugged J and exchanged numbers, then hugged C, said bye to C, D, Z, and L as well. went home, showered and crashed.