#i will make more edits eventually! gonna take a break and do other stuff (aka this is v time consuming lmao)

[crow-of-paradise]

Emmrich Kisser • Harding’s BFF • #1 Solas Hater ↳ ALESSIO "ROOK" DE RIVA

[spooky-ghost-boi]

Vacation

Words: 1892

Tom Nook x Reader

Warnings: Feederism, feeder/feedee dynamic, mentions of smut, fatass Tanuki, bad writing because I’m tired and too annoyed to edit this properly.

Description: Tom thinks he has to lose weight but his job doesn’t really do him well so he chooses to take a vacation but ends up coming back fatter and you love it.

A/N: what this shit, tumblr could you possibly be any slower? Mentally I am beyond Spain without an S, so if any Twitter bitches see this. Fight me.

_

Tom sighed as he sat at his desk at the resident services.

He had been trying out various diets that Isabelle had recommended to him, after trying low-carb and Keto he was trying intermittent fasting and he lost about 5 pounds so far but it was making him extremely hangry most of the time. Considering that Isabelle snacked and ate lunch while being in the same room as him.

It was all alright until that damned Kitsune had the guts to appear at the Island and try to sell some faux painting to the Resident Representative, aka you.

Tom was furious and of course, kicked Redd off the Island but in the heat of his fury he tried to calm himself down but it didn’t work especially since the fucking kitsune teased Tom for his weight, which would’ve been fine, if they were alone but you had to witness that.

As soon as Tom came home he.. Well, let his anger out by binging until he couldn’t move.

He actually liked the feeling of being stuffed but he choose to ignore it although it was quite hard and he realized it was better if he took a break from work to focus on his weight loss.

The reason for his weight loss idea was quite simple; he wanted to impress you, the resident representative, he had a crush on you and told Isabelle who suggested that losing weight could help him in winning your heart.

She couldn’t have been more wrong, but it wasn’t like they both knew your kinks.. Although it was obvious. Haha idiots.

Of course Tom had told Isabelle about his plan and she agreed to do the resident services stuff.

Tom had two months of, well, vacation.

He stayed at his house and the first two days it all went great before he started binging. Constantly. To his dismay he actually enjoyed it. He didn’t know w h y or h o w but he actually disliked that he liked feeling stuffed to the brim.

So the thicc Tanuki visited another island in hopes that it would motivate him to lose weight.

(Spoiler: it didn’t HAHAHA FAT TANUKI)

During his stay at another Island he ended up discovering lots of different foods that made him feel better about the whole Redd situation and since his coping mechanism had always been stress eating he piled on a lot of weight. He was in denial, but that didn’t stop him from trying to rationalize as to why he needed bigger clothes.

Of course you were part of his racing thoughts most of the time and he liked to fantasize about you in several different ways.

So he soon returned home.

His vacation seemed to have ended too fast for him but he also wanted to get back to work so he could see you.

He stepped on the scale the evening before he had to return to work again and was surprised when it had said that he gained 30 pounds in two months, including the 5 pounds he had lost. But that couldn’t be, could it? After pondering about as to why or how he could have gained that much weight over mindlessly eating a box of half a dozen doughnuts and two cheeseburgers. He had come to the conclusion that he was too tired and that the scale must be broken.

After dumping the wrappers into the trash, he held his stuffed gut and walked to his bedroom and got onto his bed which creaked under the weight of the tubby Tanuki. Tom eyed tge stash of mini cakes that he had beside his bed, despite feeling full and heavy he decided to have a few since ‘they couldn’t do much damage, hm?’

He didn’t notice that he dozed off and woke up in the morning, surrounded by wrappers.

Tom sat up and grunted, rubbing his still rather bloated belly that sat in his lap whenever he attempted sitting up. It wasn’t really like he noticed or minded, he didn’t even notice how snug his work shirt was. He noticed the bit of rain and put on his jacket and zipped it up, completely obvious to the belly poking out from under the rain coat.

He just sighed softly, before walking downstairs into the kitchen and having some pancakes with lots of syrup for breakfast. For some reason he felt like this wasn’t exactly enough for him and looked at the clock just to see that it was still early as shit and he had t i m e.

As you can imagine the phat Tanuki had binged to the point of being exhausted by breathing but he did have places to be at so he got up anyway and walked to the resident services.

You were there with the Nooklings and Isabelle, you were excited to see Tom again after the two of you didn’t talk for so long. However nobody told you why he was gone.

Eventually Tom entered the Resident Services and Isabelle was quite surprised.

Timmy and Tommy also were surprised.

You were surprised and horny.

Tom could see the surprise in the faces of everyone. But it also made him horny. Not to mention he was a little surprised and shy to see you there and he was blushing a little.

“Ehm, good morning.” Tom responded, he needed a cigarette or some cake.

Isabelle stayed quiet and you smiled at the Tanuki.

You decided to break the awkward moment and walked towards Tom to give him a hug, because yiu had missed him and you wanted to feel all that chonk pressed against you.

Tom hugged you back instinctively, his big belly did push the two of you a bit apart but it was hot regardless.

“I made you some cake! I thought you would like it.” You said shyly as Tom nodded.

“The thing is, I forgot it at home so if you’d like to come by after work.. You could take it home? I mean.. We could have dinner at my place.” You blurted out the last part, keeping your voice so low you weren’t sure whether he had heard you.

“That’d be splendid, hm.” Tom said, then gently let go of you.

You nodded and the two of you returned to both your respective j o b s.

Tom tried to ignore Isabelle’s comments about his weight, he was sure he lost weight. Which probably was due to his lack of physical awareness.

He had spent his time snacking during work and he comfortably filed out papers and drank his coffee. Some Animals teased him but Tom didn’t really mind, in fact it was almost kinda arousing to him and he didn’t understand why.

Eventually he closed off the shop and got into his car and made his way to your house, he was a little tired and actually quite hungry.

He knocked on your door and you opened it, smiling softly at him as he was a little out of breath.

“Come in! I already made dinner.” You said, then led him to your kitchen.

“You have an eye for interior design, hm?” Tom remarked as he sat on a chair which creaked a little under his weight. He blushed, “oh- uh.”

You noted this and smiled sheepishly at him. “It’s fine! Make yourself comfortable, it’s just you and I afterall..” You said. Maybe it wasn’t the most reassuring thing to say, if you took it out of context it could have been maybe a little weird to say that. Almost sounded like you were trying to fatten up the Tanuki and eat him.. Maybe you were but more like in a sexual way.

(A/N: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

However Tom looked a little more relaxed after you said that.

“Well, how was your day, hm?” Tom asked, as you put some food on his plate.

“It was fine, just the usual things.. I went fishing and helped out some villagers. How about you?” You asked, you had put quite a lot of food onto his plate.

“I’ve had some annoying customers, but that’s just normal.” Tom said, as he ate some of the food you had prepared, “this is really good.” He said.

_

After a few hours of talking the two of you warmed up to each other and you eventually told him how you felt about him and as a surprise, he felt the same way.

At that point Tom had packed away quite a few plates and snacks, the two of you sat on the couch and you straddled his lap.

He cupped your face and kissed you gently, before you fed him a tray of cupcakes. He obediently ate.

A couple snacks ago his shirt button seemed to have popped off and his sweater vest had exposed around half of his pretty chubby belly.

“You’re fat, I mean this in the most loving way possible.” You said and pinched his love handles.

“I’m just bloated-“ he said, jokingly.

“Sure.” You laughed.

“Alright, maybe I am. Happy? Hm?” Tom said as he unbuttoned his too tight pants and pinned you underneath him.

“You’re definitely fatter than before.” You remarked as you patted his overstuffed belly.

“Mhm.. You like it as much as I like it. Am I right?” He smirked.

_

Anyways it was a very delightful evening for the both of you and I ain’t gonna write smut because that’d be awkward as shit so just imagine it, aight?

_

Two ‘fucking’ months later.

You woke up next to Tom, who was still asleep and snoring quite loudly.

He had been eating quite well the past two months making him look pretty chubby, he was waddling now most of the time and his belly was s o f t^2.

You walked downstairs and made him some breakfast.

It didn’t take long for him to wake up because he smelled delicious food, he sighed and waddled his way downstairs and sat on a chair. “Good morning.” He said, smiling a little despite looking still pretty tired.

“Good morning! How’d you sleep?” You asked.

“Pretty well.. Well, until I woke up because I’m starving. I wouldn’t know what I’d do without you, dear.” He said.

“Starve.” You said jokingly. “You have quite the big appetite, I give you that.” You said as you placed a stack of waffles.

“Mhm..” He yawned and ate his breakfast, “I’m still.. So tired, feed it to me? Hm?”

You couldn’t tell whether this was a suggestion or order from him, but you wouldn’t be Y/N if you turned down feeding the lazy Tanuki.

You nodded and fed him, you would straddle his lap.. If you could. Tom’s belly was taking up most of it and he didn’t mind.

He ate all of it and sighed when he felt your hands rub his bloated big belly.

Eventually the two of you got ready for work and he waddled to his car, tried to wiggle into the drivers seat which didn’t work out as his tummy was in the way of the wheel.

“Need help?” You asked.

“I would appreciate it, yes yes!” He blushed as he moved to the passenger seat and you drove the car to the Resident Services.

You had gone to work for the day.

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S2 EPISODE 9 RECAP AKA THE KYORU CHRONICLES PART I

Look... I’m gonna be honest. I wasn’t really in the mood to do a Fruits Basket recap this week. The world’s always a mess but this time it was definitely a personal attack and I’m still dealing with it but this episode was a needed mental break. A bit triggering at times... but it was golden.

Let’s goooo...

-------------------------------------------

Lol, I love how the creators right out the gate were just like: “Look... you know what time it is...” 🤡😺

- I love Kyo in that green jacket, I don’t even know why 😂It definitely fits in well with the autumnal scene and his hair... He gets outfit appreciation this week again for the same outfit... just because.

HEART EYES, MOTHERFUCKER

*grooves to the opening song like an AC character*

- Tohru’s so happy that Kyo was invited that she’s in tears? On one hand... SO sweet! On the other hand... girl. 😩

Another adored moment between these two. Even though this episode is all about Kyo’s feelings for Tohru. I adore seeing how easy things are between him and Tohru now. At allll timesss. Gimme bucket loads of kyoru content, mannnn

Even though I’m still frustrated at these kids fighting each other, I really appreciate that this moment (and even previous episodes) has shown that Yuki has slowly been figuring out how to play the game of appeasing Akito but also trying to figure out how he can be better and stronger and more clever than the shitty situation that he’s been given. The walls are crumbling, indeed... Yuki wins Best Boi this week. I would’ve given it to Kyo but I lowkey give it to him every week so...

Tee hee... 😺✨💖

...Right, I genuinely don’t know what to say on an emotional front about the Akito and Kyo scene besides “this moment is gross and awful and Akito is a terrible, disgusting, manipulative person” so I’m just gonna talk about my appreciation for how the scene was displayed and edited.

That anime fish eye lens used for intense situations? Classic.

I really did like the flashback scene though. It starts when we see Kyo literally physically threatening Akito and yet Akito through words alone bests him... easily. The colour toning is great, it gives a slightly underwater feel which just increases the suffocating feeling. The way the scene flips from this scene to present day showing how Kyo, despite the time gap and despite all the personal developments, is still in Akito’s suffocating and entrapped position. 

I love how inhuman the designers and animators make Akito through their movements and body poses. I’ve gone into it before but I thought it was worth saying again-again.

HEARTBREAKING. But, this is some visually stunning content. I love this full on visual representation of Akito’s curse. Seeing how different it is from the other zodiac members (obviously) but also how it could be interpreted as a metaphor for how tied Kyo is to his fate in his position in the zodiac. The stuff of nightmares! Chilling!

- Kyo saying ‘please, stop’ broke. my. heart. Yuma Uchida, as always, was great. I love how different he sounded when he said that. So hurt and weak, it’s almost alien for Kyo...

- Dickheadedness aside... I really find Akito’s view on perfection being monstrous an interesting viewpoint... (even if they are mostly saying it just so they can have the upper hand)

THIS IS THE MOMENT, GUYS...

I ACTUALLY SQUEALED. 😍It hurts so goood....

- I’m glad that Momiji’s question from ‘The Foolish Traveller’ moment was brought back again to bring a full circle as to how Kyo felt about Tohru. Such a great throwback.

- But wow, Kyo having to say he hates Tohru to protect her from Akito. Aka the ONLY MEMBER OF THE ZODIAC WHO DENIED THEIR LOVE FOR ANOTHER PERSON TO PROTECT THEM, CAN I JUST SAY. Golden. Heartbreaking. Kyoru.

- STOP HITTING, KYO!!!

Not so much of a comment on what was said in this scene but more so the position of Kyo’s body. I’m sorry, I’ve turned into one of those yoga heads right now and there’s no going back. 

I noticed his position is somewhat between a ‘child’s pose’ and one of the variations of a ‘cat-cow pose’. Child’s pose is known for showing vulnerability and surrender. And the cat side of the cat-cow pose is known for tensing everything up for eventual release into cow pose (as well as it easing out your spine). Also known as by cats... getting ready for attack.

I feel like this winds back to what I was observing about Yuki earlier in which he’s pretty much playing the game that Akito has set up but he’s approaching it in a smarter more clever way. And I think through this visual representation, it shows Kyo is doing the same. 

I wouldn’t say that both Kyo and Yuki are at the point where they feel they are worthy of happiness and believe in themselves and are ready to tear the wall down but you can see... they’re kinda getting ready to do so... whether they’ve noticed or not.

Lol. Ohhhhh, the times that we’re in...

- Yuki and Kyo working weirdly in sync is always my favourite <3

Oh... kid... 💔 All of Kyo’s thoughts of whether he deserves to live and questioning why he keeps going on is... a lot... to say the least...

- I do really love the way Kazuma’s VA delivered the speech of how hope will always bloom again even if you crush it. Toshiyuki Morikawa pretty much nailed how Kazuma would say it in a frank and stern way but also making it seem gentle enough to accept as advice. We stan.

Also, this!!!! 👆🏾

KYOKOOOOOOO 😭(I envy anime only fans sooooooo bad rn, hee hee heeeee)

At first, I didn’t really love the fact that Kyo and Yuki knew (or knew of) Tohru before the beginning of the Fruits Basket story as it kinda ties into my disdain for the ‘tied together by fate’ plot line. But as time goes by, I can’t help but just be swayed by how cute the younger versions of the trio are and the uwu feels. Whatever... it cute. For the most part anyway...

I was literally hitting my chair arms by how frustratingly bittersweet this last scene was. Kyo’s ‘I’m putting up a happy front so the love of my life doesn’t worry’ face?! <3

Tohru’s genuine happiness to see Kyo?! <33

<333!!!! Look, I was already dead by this point but THEN

👀... 

AND THENNNNNN

💔🤬

BUT THENNNN!!!!

Like what am I meant to do with my heart at this point, dude? Do I mend it? Do I guard it? Like... what?!?!

That was a hell of a last few minutes. I love this episode.

----------------------------------------

This was really fun! A great way to take my mind off current things. It wasn’t all smiles but it showed pretty much how a glimmer of hope is enough to keep going and that’s exactly what I needed to hear this week and probably for the rest of my life :) 

Hope you are all keeping mentally as well as physically well and #blacklivesmatter. ALWAYS. 💜

See you next week!

[mcrmadness]

I'm trying to continue editing a (Bela/Farin) video and this is what my (self-diagnosed) adhd is like for me:

I open the file and I have already imported most of the files I need and put them on the timeline for a closer look. There's still work to do because that's not all of the videos.

I have written down on text files info about every video. I have a file FOR my videos aka it lists what all I need to have or go through and for which part. Then I have two different files, one listing every Bela/Farin interaction (or other important/funny stuff) from live videos and dvds, and one listing that same stuff from interviews.

Yet I sit here, cycling between these files and the video editor because I just don't know what I'm doing. I can't seem to be able to grab that one thing that will lead me to the right direction. I always eventually find that tho, but this is why it takes so much time to get anything started. I use so much time on just trying to find ny thoughts and I feel like i should be writing them down, making even more text files and lists, but I know it's not gonna help. It's just gonna be exactly same as when I tried to solve some math problems at vocational school: I was asked to count something and I came up with a formula and got a result but I had no clue what the result was for and the formula wasn't even right in the end. I still can't understand the formula my teacher explained to me - I could count as I finally had the formula, but coming up with that was something I can never wrap my head around.

I've sometimes tried to start writing down things when I've felt like that but I always end up being even more confused and feel like breaking all that down into smaller and smaller pieces and in the end nothing makes sense and I just discard everything and go back to where I started from. Still being confused af.

Well anyway, I try to get some sense to this now. I'm eating at the same time so maybe getting some food will clear up ny thoughts as well.

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 15

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Leo and Calypso talk about Leo's fear a bit (and get dorky).

A/N: Sorry for the wait! Here's finally a new chapter. I know it's a short one, kind of 'fillery', but that's because I am extremely lazy at editing. Originally this whole chapter was supposed to be 4000+ words long but then I decided 'nope, not gonna edit all that at once', so I cut it in two parts. That's also the reason why this chapter ends a bit abruptly. But don't worry because you'll see the rest of the silliness in a week and I promise there will be a lot of Caleo goodness in it (before some drama goes down, dun dun duu).

I hope you guys enjoy!! And I really, really, really do love all the comments I get!

Characters in this ch: Calypso, Leo

Words: 1300+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

...

You… what?” Calypso asked, genuinely surprised after hearing that Leo was considering quitting his studies. “I thought mechanical engineering was your dream career? And you’ve been doing well at the university?”

Leo turned to her. Calypso didn’t remember seeing him this upset, not even when he had told her how he had ended up living with his adoptive parents.

“For the most part, I guess I have,” he sighed. “Okay, I’m not the best at writing essays and I’m a slow reader because of my dyslexia and I get distracted easily, but I don’t have trouble remembering formulas or solving some mathematical problem. The problem is I’ve been skipping lab classes because I can’t…” His gaze flicked towards the candle in a glass holder on the sofa table that Calypso had burned earlier.

“Because you don’t want to be in contact with fire.” Calypso understood without Leo finishing the sentence.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I really tried this time but I ended up panicking. I ran away when I was supposed to use the gas burner.”

“I’m sorry,” Calypso said, genuine sympathy in her voice. She squeezed his shoulder briefly.

“Nothing I can do about it anymore. Tomorrow I’ll probably get a phone call saying they don’t want to see me anymore.” Leo couldn’t look at Calypso, instead taking some random machine parts from his toolbelt and starting to twist them in his hands to try to calm his nerves.

“Don’t you think that’s overthinking it a bit?” Calypso asked. “Surely there must be something you can do.”

“Not unless I can show that I am capable of doing lab work. And soon we’ll start doing welding and all that stuff. No way I can do it in my current state.” Leo sighed.

“But there are ways to fight the fear, remember,” Calypso tried to encourage him.

“What do you know about that, anyway?” Leo snapped suddenly. “You are not afraid of fire.”

“I know more than you realize,” Calypso said, her voice getting cooler and her eyes gleaming angrily for a moment. “I may not be afraid of fire but I had to fight my fear of driving a car. It took a few months but eventually I did it.”

“Which goes to prove that you’re a way better person than I am,” Leo shot back.

“Oh, stop it with your inferiority complex!” Calypso raised her voice. Leo seemed surprised by her outburst but he didn’t protest. “Listen,” she said then, this time quieter. “I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s a long process and sometimes painful too. But based on what I know about you, you don’t seem like someone who gives up that easily.”

Something about Calypso’s words put Leo back on the right track. He was quiet for a while as he took them in, clenching his fists a couple of times.

“Yeah. You’re right. I’ve gone through too damn much to give up now. Do you think that the thing we started – you know, with the candles – would help in the long run?”

Calypso realized something about Leo’s incident at the university. “Today in the class when others were using their gas burners… did you pay attention to them?”

“No, not much,” Leo admitted, surprising himself. “Was too busy panicking about my own.”

Calypso seemed encouraged by that piece of information. “But that’s good news; it means that distraction does work.”

“So you’re saying it’s worth trying again?” Leo asked.

“Yes.” Calypso nodded. “But it alone might not work. I should remind you I’m not a professional but based on my own experiences you also have to come to terms with the reasons behind the fear. Which means, talking about it – with family, friends, a professional, even me if you want to - would be helpful. When you’re ready, of course.”

“I can’t really afford to spend any more time waiting,” Leo said. “I’m already this close to failing everything.” He put his thumb and index finger so close to each other they almost touched.

“Remember that you shouldn’t push it, though. That won’t help you erase the negative association.”

“Right,” Leo nodded, and Calypso had to admit he seemed surprisingly attentive in that moment, even if he was still fiddling with his toys. Usually he gave her the impression that his mind was in several places at the same time.

“Based on your story you’ve had enough contact with fire for one day, so maybe we’ll continue with that another time” Calypso decided, “But I have one question: how long has this been happening?”

“Since I was a kid. Probably eight” Leo answered. Calypso counted 1+1=2. Like she had suspected, the fear must have gotten its start when that fire had happened. Calypso couldn’t help but wonder if there was something more that had happened that day, something that Leo wasn’t telling.

“I see,” Calypso said. “That’s… a long time to be dealing with that fear.” She bumped her knee lightly against his as a sign of affection.

Leo seemed surprised by Calypso’s reaction. She wondered if he wasn’t used to people expressing sympathy towards him.

“Yeah,” he said, focusing on his fingers that had started to tap a certain rhythm against his legs.

“Listen,” Calypso said surprisingly softly. “I believe you can do it. In your language, you can kick the fear’s ass. Just… be nice to yourself.”

Calypso’s comment made Leo smile slightly.

“I can’t believe you just said the word ‘ass’ because of me,” he teased, making Calypso puff her cheeks.

“You’re such a kid sometimes, Valdez. And maybe I am not quite as sweet mouthed as you think I am.”

“You so are.” Leo nudged her leg. Calypso stuck her tongue out at him, making him chuckle. “Who’s the kid now?”

“Speaking of kids,” Calypso said, “ I was kind of thinking that since a mental break would probably do good to you, we could do some Pokémon team preparations for the game night? Saturday is soon.”

“Oh, yeah!” Leo said, sounding a lot more confident than a few minutes earlier. “We’re gonna build the most badass team ever! Lightning Boy and Beauty Queen won’t know what hit them.”

Calypso was happy that at least on the surface Leo seemed to be recovering fast. “If you say so,” she smiled.

…

A little bit later the flatmates were scrolling through Bulbapedia, an online Pokémon encyclopedia, as they were trying to choose which Pokémon would be the most suitable for their team. Turned out their opinions differed quite a lot from each other. Calypso liked grass, psychic and fairy types while Leo seemed to be drawn to steel, and perhaps ironically, to some fire Pokémon.

“Everyone knows Charizard is better than Venusaur! It even has two mega evolutions! Venusaur can’t do a lot of damage in one hit.”

“Yes, but look at its defense stats. It can tank a lot of hits Charizard can’t,” Calypso argued.

“Fine, why don’t we have both on our team then and see which one does better,” Leo suggested and to that Calypso agreed.

The rest of the choosing went without bigger hiccups as the two decided to give each other two more picks. Leo was already feeling a lot better when Calypso told him that the dishes don’t do themselves and they ended up doing them together so they could get back to catching and training their Pokémon faster. Calypso was amused to see how seriously Leo, who usually was all about jokes, took that task. He seemed particularly into the damage calculator that told him how many hits his Pokémon would need to take down Jason and Piper’s. When she pointed that out, he said:

“Uncle Leo always has a plan, Sunshine. I won’t be doing things the conventional way.”

“Of course you won’t,” Calypso snorted, wondering if the plan would end up working.

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

Bioshock Rebirth Playlist

I made this edit 4 days ago(That I recall. I tried to make it as professional or fitting as possible.) and it’s in a different draft. Being inspired by seeing some people make playlists. While I don’t have Spotify and I don’t know how to link songs showcasing the songs and titles. The only person I’ve told about this idea is @feckinatlas​ who I am grateful to discuss a lot of Bioshock with and other things. 

While I do think this playlist may be a bit too serious. Yet you will get the feel for this AU or you ever wanna check it out. Hopefully you don’t mind some of these choices. Including I listen to a lot of stuff .But I wanna chose the ones I feel that are fitting here. Including some ones I looked for while making this.

I took a break from this once and it’s 5:29 am....a bit nervous to post this. I’m gonna add the keep reading thing. Be warned it’s long. I even looked to see how long Feckinatlas’s Atlas playlist was before then. Hope you folks enjoy this if you wanna check this out.

1. Beyond The Sea by Bobby Darlin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8OlDPqYBLw

2. Something In The Way by Nirvana. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXFiaJr9los

3. I Am by Digital Sons. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5SF4mt-xmU

4. I Am Machine by Three Days Grace. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flq30E6LI9E

5. The Dark Of You by Breaking Benjamin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc_S9jqXb5Q

6. Papercut by Linkin Park. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y-RmfB4hY4  Archie’s theme for part 2 in this AU.

7. Tourniquet by Breaking Benjamin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wahmfx54lhU

8. Torn In Two by Breaking Benjamin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyTIT0Bt-0Q 

9. Gravity Lies by Red. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ6nUKNpJfg

10. Wasting Time by Red. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_rE2Z1gw64

11. Who We Are by Red. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxPX3dOEHo4 Delta and Archie’s theme for part 2 in this AU.

12. Not Alone by Red. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXwTCG6zAqI Delta and Eleanor’s theme for part 2 in this AU.

13. I’m Alive by Disturbed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqlbDMLBArs Johnny Topside/Subject Delta’s theme.

14. Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysho2xTWUYo Despite whatever my plans are for Booker. Let’s just make this his theme.

15. And Your World Will Burn by Cliff Lin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyF2XTAgqos

16. Bong Squad by Blues Saraceno. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLVyTR6ckQU

Instrumental songs. 

17. The Ocean On His Shoulders by Garry Schyman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp6QpMWaKpE

18. Welcome To Rapture by Garry Schyman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEFIZh_Zscc

19. Elizabeth by Garry Schyman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JO8MqT4cCE

20. The Songbird by Garry Schyman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wojIYpwUpmM The theme of Bluto, the Proto-Daddy.

21.  Big Daddy Level 3 Super from PlayStation All Stars Battle Royale. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koMyj3TX9ZU

22. Lost Soul by Garry Schyman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ0-aIt_DrM A Man Chooses. A Slave Obeys. A broken slave has no purpose.

23. Coup De Grace by Lorne Balfe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_5-Y2B7E-Y Atla’s betrayal and true identity.

24. Revelations by Sean Murray. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TkgNEYtwVU Nearly dying because of the Code Yellow command. Archie’s life flashes before his eyes, hallucinating and seeing things. While Tenenbaum, Elizabeth, and others try to save his life. Archie starts remembering EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that changed the course of his life forever. Along with remembering certain characters he met along the way. But also remembering the man who was responsible for him being what Ryan called him, “A broken slave.” That man was Johnny Topside.

Bonus. “I Need To Know” by Hans Zimmer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8CNAc8GW-4 And, “Beautiful Lie” by Hans Zimmer and Junkie XL. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9BL59uiAz8 I feel these tracks are better to capture the emotion of Archie discovering the truth of what happened to him. Especially finding out who Johnny Topside was and how he changed his  Jack’s fate.

25. Sandman Confesses by Christopher Young. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwp1SYeghs8 Enraged by Tenenbaum lying to him and taking part in ruining his life. Finding out he’s Jack Ryan. He wants to kill the woman. With Elizabeth desperately trying to stop him. Despite Brigid telling him his gun was empty because she thought this would happen. Brigid tells the truth about Johnny Topside. That all he wanted was for Jack to live a normal life. Because he saw Jack as a human being. Including Brigid admitting she was involved in Jack’s rebirth. Despite not asking for forgiveness, Archie forgives Brigid. Because throughout his life, she was the closest thing he had for as a mother. Afterwards with Brigid and Elizabeth embracing him as he breaks down. Because they see him as a human being as well.

Bonus. “The Rest Of My Life” by Hans Zimmer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdEoP7swYdU Another fitting yet emotional track to highlight the feeling of Johnny risking his life for Jack to some how have normal life. And that Jack had lost the one person that was basically a REAL father to him. Especially since some of Johnny’s personality traits passed on to Jack during his, “rebirth”. With the two women comforting him. This shit makes me tear up.

26. Retreat And Reveille by Lorne Balfe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKZRl32PAJk On a mission to kill Frank Fontaine AKA Atlas and save Elizabeth. End the Rapture Civil War. Showcase to Fontaine his greatest mistake was his, “Ace In The Hole” going against him.

27. Protocol by Lorne Balfe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMNov4oWNHs Archie vs Fontaine. The Ace In The Hole vs Rapture’s Boogeyman. The brutal fight between a super soldier and a con man who is half transformed by injecting himself with lots of ADAM. Granting Frank powers to stand a chance against Archie. Fontaine fights and tries to kill the one man that was the closest he can get to having a son. But also hating him because Archie represents everything he despises. The fact Jack had become similar to Johnny Topside. Including Archie admitting that Johnny was more of a father than Frank of Ryan ever were which angers Fontaine. The fate of Rapture and it’s citizens is decided by whoever wins.

28. End Fight by Lorne Balfe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDM5WnHxcMU The death of Frank Fontaine. The end of the Rapture Civil War.

29. Pairbond by Garry Schyman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DV9kg-M1RJw The theme of Delta and Eleanor. But also the overall theme of Johnny/Delta himself. The sadness and outcome of Johnny’s life in Rapture.

30. Two Worlds from King Kong the 2005 video game. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjEMedxfvUQ The tragedy of Johnny Topside. Leading into his eventual transformation into Subject Delta.

31. Eleanor’s Lullaby by Garry Schyman. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8rmU0PDS2o The end of the conflict between The Rapture Family and the Vox. With Eleanor freed and Delta saved. But also Sofia being allowed to live, and Archie winning over his internal battle with the Atlas hallucination with the help of his family.

32. Victory Big Daddy A from PlayStation All Stars Battle Royale. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYYtC1yJqCw

Bonus Tracks.

33. Afterlife by Magnum Opus. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6Iytor-qbk

34. Rise Of A Hero by Sonic Symphony. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWlwRiDTbOE

35. Rapture Rising Reimagined by JT Music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvI9JmC7TkU

36. Daddy’s Home by JT Music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gq5PMJ-pn48

[thefloatingstone]

Last time I made a playlist of recommended youtube channels to enjoy while in lockdown or self quarantine, I focused on individual videos while also recommending other videos from the same channel.

I thought I’d make another list only this time I’m going to be recommending playlists or series on youtuber instead of just individual videos.

This is gonna go exactly like last time, so check out any of these that might seem interesting to you, and hopefully I can give you something to look into if you want something to watch but don’t feel like watching a Netflix or Crunchyroll show.

Last time I tried to put this under a read more break but it didn’t work and I ended up posting this long-ass post on everyone’s dash. Well I decided to do so again here. hit J to skip to the bottom of the post if you don’t feel like reading this whole thing. If you’re on tumblr mobile; why?

In no particular order;

Cinemassacre movie reviews and topics

All of you already know James Rolfe as the AVGN. I started watching him before Youtube was even a thing, before he was even signed on with Screwattack. Back when his videos could only be seen on his own website (or for some reason included on the free DVD you got with the local video game magazines). However, I eventually outgrew the outrage style humour of the AVGN episodes... but then James started doing Monster Madness where he would talk about his love for horror movies, and this where I learned about his vast knowledge about movie history and even films I had never even heard mention of before! I think it’s safe to say, he got me to be interested in movie history just as much as movie production and film as a viewing experience.

I recommend this playlist which is a hodgepodge of James talking about old horror movie franchises, talking about his first experience with Power Rangers as someone who didn’t grow up with it, or how Bob Ross is a childhood hero of his. It’s an excellent play list that’s really laid back but you learn a lot of stuff from it. James is very informed for the most part and it leads you to wanting to check out a lot of these things too, just because he’s so passionate about it.

If I ever get over my weird hang up about speaking out loud, these are the kinds of videos I’d like to make.

Vinesauce Vinny: The Neverhood

Vinny is by no means a new Let’s Player, having been on Youtube for over 10 years now, but I only started watching him a few months ago. I started with this playlist when I saw he was doing The Neverhood, a game I had heard about but never seen played before. The Neverhood is a bizarre game, as a point and click PC game from the 90s where the entirety of the video game was made with stop motion and clay. Something that sounds so insane you would say it’s impossible if not for the fact that it exists. The claymation itself is extremely well done, and the game has a really weird and absurd sense of humour. Just the strangest things happen in this thing. Now couple that with Vinny’s very dry and straightforward delivery and you have probably one of the funniest Let’s Plays I’ve watched in a long time.

This is also “short” for a Let’s Play series. With only 4 parts to it, the longest video only being a bit under and hour and 30 minutes. It’ll still take up a good chunk of your time, but it’s not as daunting as some of the other Let’s Plays I’ll mention on this list.

Team Four Star: Pokemon Shield Nuzlocke

Exactly what it says on the tin. The guys from Team Four Star play Pokemon Shield with Nuzlocke rules. They’ve done several Nuzlocke runs in the past, but I find the Pokemon Shield is the best one they’ve done. Especially since a lot of the needless fluff and grinding has been edited out. So unlike some of their previous series you don’t see a lot of Kieran and Grant running in a circle for an hour trying to catch a specific pokemon or trying to get to a certain level.

It’s also hilarious as they have a lot of “house rules” for the Nuzlocke often involving the exercise bike they.... have..... for some reason.

It’s very good and the gym battles become SUPER hype with the Nuzlocke rules and the music.

Baywatching

Having been going to a few years now, watch Allison try her very best to go through and do a video series where she talks about summarises every episode of Baywatch.

.... Ever. Single. Episode.

She’s not even close to done yet (and now she’s introduced Baywatch Nights AS WELL) but her trying to explain the batshit insanity of this show, it’s over the top characters, it’s insane plots and behind the scenes weirdness with all the enthusiasm and love for this slice of 90s is amazing. Please enjoy a good thick chunk of inside jokes, silly character voices, and a whole lot of ?????

Brutal Moose: Shenmue

Probably one of the most chill channels on all of Youtube, Brutal Moose aka Ian, prefers playing games you wouldn’t think would make for good Let’s Plays. And maybe they don’t, objectively. A collection of playlists covering Truck Simulator, Nancy Drew, Hidden Object games etc etc, spliced in with old commercials from drive in theaters from the 50s,60s and 70s. Ian’s Let’s Play channel is great for just putting on and letting play for company while you’re drawing or grinding in a video game or playing Stardew or something.

I recommend his Shenmue playthrough as Ian completely fell in love with the game and went on to play both the sequel and the newly released third game. Ian genuinely adores the weird voice acting and all the menial tasks and mini-games you can do. I watched this a lot in 2018 when I was going through a rough time, and it really helped me in a strange way to just put Ian on and listen to him talk to the chat and drive a forklift around for like 4 hours straight before going to Tomato Mart or wasting all his money on the gacha machines.

A Measured Response to “In Defense of Dark Souls 2″

At some point, big name youtuber Hbomberguy made a video called “In Defense of Dark Souls II”. I’m not subscribed to Hbomberguy but I enjoyed his video on why Sherlock (the BBC show) is trash. (come to think of it I should have added that to the first list). And it seems the video on Sherlock was really good and well argued.... and it seems his “In Defense of Dark Souls 2″ video... was not.

Using subjective language, bad representation of facts, or simply outright getting certain information wrong, Hbomberguy′s video on Dark Souls II is, at best, a man trying to argue that he likes Dark Souls II because it is “Objectively good”, rather than simply accept he likes it... because he likes it.

MauLer is kind of an asshole, but I have learned more about dissecting someone’s argument and deconstructing what they have said watching his response series than I have in any english or debate class I have ever had.

The response is over 10 hours long, but this is because MauLer takes time with each and every statement he takes umbrage with, discussing what is being said, discusses why it is false or dubious, and then compares with actual facts and research.

If you ever want to know how to to distinguish subjective opinion from objective fact in someone else’s argument regarding... ANYTHING really, I highly recommend this series.

I may not like MauLer as a person, but DAMN if he doesn’t know how to deconstruct an argument in a logic, emotionless way.

John Wolfe: Maize

Maize is a stupid game. a Stupid stupid game.

It involves sentient corn, and underground secret genetics lab, a Russian bootleg teddy bear that hates everyone, sentient corn, and a crumpet.

This game IMMEDIATELY went on my wishlist after watching this playthrough. Please watch John try and figure what the actual fuck is going on in this Monty Python-eque weird black comedy. It’s stupid, it’s weird, it’s bizarre and it’s honestly one of the funniest games I’ve seen streamed.

Hollywood: a Celebration of the Silent Era

This is not a youtube playlist. I mean it IS, but what this actually is, is a TV series released in the UK in 1980 covering the Silent Film era. As it was made in 1980, it includes interviews with many of the silent film stars who were often still alive during this documentary’s production. Each episode covers a specific theme of the silent movie era. One episode is about comedies, one is about WWI, one is about Westerns etc etc.

It’s a fascinating series, because it focuses on the silent era which, in modern day, I think many people unfairly think of as “those first few years of movies before movies really became a thing.” And that’s such a shame and really not true. The artistry, camera tricks, and raw nature of this early era of film making is so important and produced films which can still be watched today easily, possibly even easier than a few modern movies as often the very fact that the films are silent means they are universal, regardless of what language you speak.

I think an episode or two might have been turned to private or copyright claimed in this playlist, but I know if you do a search on youtube you can find the episode uploaded by someone else.

Diamanda Hagan: Bonekickers

Bonekickers is the show Mathew Graham made before he went on to work on the new Dr. Who. It is about archaeologists and it is God-fucking-Awful.

It is.... look. Ok. I like Archaeology a lot. But this isn’t a show that’s bad “if you like history” or “if you know things about archaeology”. This show is bad because it doesn’t make a single fucking lick of sense, all the characters are awful and terrible, and even if you understand what’s going on in the story you’re still going to be screaming “WHY????” at the screen as each new baffling stupid piece of the puzzle slots into place.

Diamanda Hagan has 0 time for this garbage and she’s going to walk you through each episode to show you how truly horrible this piece of garbage is.

Cry Plays: Ori and the Blind Forest

With Ori and the Will of the Wisps releasing recently, now is a great time to go and watch Cry playthrough the first Ori game. an absolutely gorgeous piece of work with a beautiful soundtrack and really likeable character designs and a sweet story, Ori is a great game to put on, sit back, and just let it wash over you. Cry’s playthrough is also great because although its a Metroidvania game, Cry fast forwards the parts where he backtracks for a long period of time, so you don’t get stuck watching him run back and forth as he tries to figure out where to go next or anything like that.

Cry also recently started playing the sequel as well!

If you enjoyed this list at all, please consider tipping me for a coffee

☕️ Ko-fi ☕️

[orionsangel86]

I was the one with the ask. I want to apologize. I didn't wanna come across as rude. I love your blog. It was an honest question, since I haven't seen any spoilers which indicate that Cas and Dean are gonna make up. Also I have only seen spoilers where they said that the conflicts goes on after ep 9. Last thing was that Jensen didn't mention Cas as a reason for Dean being sad. But I saw ppl saying that Dean is gonna be shedding tears over Cas. I'd like to know if there's any reference material.

Okay so the first thing I need to stress here as in all cases is this: PR is not showrunning. I know I know, we say it all the time. You can’t really rely on small soundbites from the actors taken from interviews and put into clickbait articles usually to satisfy a specific writers agenda depending on the article they are writing. 

The second thing to remember: People are going to hype up and sensationalise things on social media to gain attention, likes, notes, etc. You cannot rely on this information either.

What we actually know:

Misha said this: “Cas will return to the bunker and the boys. He’ll be sort of driven back into collaborating with them because we’re still confronting the big bad, which is God. But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”

This quote is from this article.

Then at DCCon the other weekend, the last question asked by Mel aka @/mishasdiary on Twitter, was basically to know if Dean and Cas patch things up and Jensen answered this:

“I will say this, there is an answer to your question in the show. It will be in episode 9 which we just finished. Let’s just say that Dean has a moment by himself, where he prays to Cas. That is a bit of a confession on why he feels the way he feels and why he treated Cas the way he treated him.”

You can see the answer here at about 58 minutes in (last question).

In your ask you sent me yesterday, you also referred to another article (link here) written with soundbites from Jensen. I believe you were referring to this:

"I think the state of his brother always worries Dean. That's who he fights for," Jensen Ackles told TV Guide. "When that support, that base strength in his life starts to waver and [he] starts to second guess himself, that will certainly affect Dean in a way of, 'I can't let him go down this road' or 'I need to figure out a way to help him out.' So it'll be a struggle, not against each other, but for each other. Sam is struggling to find a purpose and Dean is struggling to help Sam find purpose."

But this is standard talk from Jensen and it is also correct so I don’t see why anyone would read this and feel threatened about Dean’s relationship with Cas? Come on now, we aren’t like Bronly’s threatened by Cas’s mere presence. This is very true what Jensen is saying because the brothers are toxically codependent. But there is a true bond between them which has been poisoned over time. Yes Dean will be worried about Sam because Dean is always worried about Sam, but Sam is not part of the Dean and Cas break up narrative.

Jensen also had this to say which I thought was interesting:

[about Sam hypothetically dying] "That would have to be a bridge crossed when he came to it," Ackles said. "Right now, and for a long time, Sam's been the reason that Dean keeps fighting. If you take that away from him, then what does he have? Is there a will to keep going? I don't know how that would shape up from Dean's perspective. Maybe he finds something to fight for or maybe he finds somebody to fight with. Maybe he calls it quits."

So this is Jensen contemplating what life would be like for Dean without Sam, and he’s hardly saying “well if Sam died Dean would also want to die” because Jensen most likely knows that isn’t the case anymore. Bobo has been picking apart that particular arc ever since he wrote Red Meat. 

So anyway, brushing off Jensen’s interview aside as nothing even remotely alarming or concerning for DeanCas fans (because we do NOT see Sam as a threat to our ship), lets talk about the prayer. We got Jensen’s spoiler first, and given this was fresh in Jensen’s mind, only shortly after he filmed it, I reckon we can safely assume that what he has told us is at least somewhat accurate (though we cannot of course account for how this may be cut in the editing room).

Episode 9 is Bobo’s episode. Bobo is basically holding the mantle for the DeanCas emotional arc this season (and last season) so I fully expect this to be the next big turning point in Dean and Cas’s relationship. Jensen has confirmed that when Dean is alone, he prays to Cas.

This is already setting a super intimate scene. Dean rarely prays as it is. We haven’t seen him pray to Cas since season 9. The fact that he is alone and not with Sam also confirms the level of intimacy. We can assume that Dean sought privacy for this prayer.

Now, Jensen goes on to say that Dean will explain how he feels and why he treated Cas how he did. This is already sounding like a proper explanation and potentially an apology. We will learn the mystery of why Dean (in Misha’s words) has been acting like such a prick. I never had any doubt that they would eventually explain it. I trust Bobo has planned this all out and knows what he is doing. He likes exploring Dean’s emotional responses - anger comes from fear and worry. Dean is terrified. That is usually why he acts out. Bobo has previously confirmed this and it was even stated in the show itself in Bobo’s episode 14x09 via Kaia. I think that Dean’s treatment of Cas is based on fear. This is why we are so excited (when I say “we” here, I mean me and the general group of wonderful people I scream with daily about this dumb show aka a bunch of meta writers or at least meta literate people). So Jensen has confirmed that we will get a proper explanation of WHY he treated Cas and also HIS FEELINGS on the matter. 

The MOST interesting part of Jensen’s spoiler, is that he called the whole thing a CONFESSION. Dude. The last time Dean confessed to anything was in a church and it almost gave me a heart attack. Since that scene was the closest this show has ever come so far to Dean actually coming out of the fucking closet.

So not only is this an intimate prayer to Cas, an explanation of his bad treatment of Cas and an admittance of his feelings over the whole thing, its also a confession. 

Interesting choice of words Jensen. Confession to what exactly? Because this is starting to feel suspiciously like a very profound moment between our two boys. It’s clearly an important scene. 

Then Misha on top of this, has confirmed that Cas hears the prayer. Which yay for starters, and also think about how he explained the situation:

“But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”

You have to read this entire paragraph as one: 

The tension will play out for sometime but Cas and the audience will understand what the deal is in episode 9. So we are a way off from that arcs resolution.

When Misha was talking about the resolution being way off, he was talking about the time between now and episode 9. He confirms that it is at least somewhat resolved in episode 9. That’s what I interpret as being implied here anyway. 

This plus Jensen’s entire answer was to the question “when will Dean and Cas patch things up?” Jensen answered “episode 9″.

Like??? How are people misunderstanding this and blowing it so far out of proportion? Bitter people are so desperate to cling to their negativity that they are totally misinterpreting the information they are being given. It’s extremely frustrating.

Anyway, the one other gripe you had was about Dean’s prayer being about Sam or because he is worried about Sam. Okay except that has come out of absolutely nowhere other than bitters who are actually threatened by Sam which I find utterly ridiculous. So what if the prayer is triggered by Sam? Maybe Sam is in a perilous situation and Dean doesn’t know what to do so he prays. I mean, is that really so bad? Dean usually IS motivated by Sam, so it’s not exactly a huge deal. The main thing to focus on here is that the prayer will be about Dean and Cas and THEIR issues. It will resolve THAT ARC. The arc that doesn’t involve Sam. 

Honestly, I don’t think that Dean’s prayer will be triggered by Sam though. Because Sam has never been part of this particular arc that Bobo has been writing. I mean maybe its possible that the whole thing could be triggered by Sam yelling at Dean to sort out his shit with Cas because they are stronger together and Sam is fed up of being stuck in the middle in which case GREAT because I would LOVE to see more exasperated Sam telling his brother to talk to his estranged husband. 12x10 is one of my all time favourite episodes BECAUSE OF SAM.

But again, I don’t think that an intimate private prayer confession from Dean to Cas will have anything to do with Sam because quite frankly, I can’t see how to fit him in a way that makes sense outside of my own 12x10 repeat above. 

So please, stop panicking over things we don’t know. Stop making negative assumptions. Focus on the good stuff and enjoy what the show is giving us right now. I’m still riding the DeanCas break up scene high because that shit was romantic AF and no one can tell me otherwise. I’m still amazed that in this shows final season Dean and Cas’s emotional arc is getting pushed into the A plot. In all the years of watching this show this has only ever been the case once before and that was in 13x01-13x06. This is a huge deal. Enjoy it and stop letting negative Nancy’s drag you down.

[eloarei]

1, 2, 3, 7, 9, 13, 17, 23 (some of these are random and some aren't)

Thanks for the many questions, Socks! Sorry I didn’t answer them earlier; I decided answering asks on mobile sucks.  ALSO, this is going to be super long haha sorry.  1.  Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?       Well, my most current project is one I just started brainstorming. It’s (hopefully gonna be) a Fallout 3 series, with my latest fic being the starting point. LW/Fawkes is a ship I liked immediately when I played the series some years ago, but I never got around to writing for it, probably in part because there’s already a super good longfic about them, and I just didn’t think there was much else I could say. But my LW is different from Choco’s LW, and lately I wanted to start something self-indulgent. Although I have enough ideas for this to maybe be a single 30k fic, I’m choosing to do a series of shortfics instead, so that I’m not burdening myself with another long project. Fic series are great in that way, because it’s basically complete with every new fic.       On top of that, I have... probably 3 other things I want to make significant progress on this year. First is another Fallout fic: Same Heart. I’ve posted 8 chapters already and have almost 2 more done, but due to the slow-build nature of it (and my tagging) I don’t expect to have almost any readers until at least chapter 10 (when the ship characters finally meet). I’d like to at least get that far this year.       A project I’d love to finish by fall is the unreleased “The Wilderness”, a Venom zombie AU that I started for NaNoWriMo 2 years ago. It’s about 55% written, and my goal is to have as much of it done as possible before the sequel movie comes out. If it’s not done by then, I still plan to post whatever I have.       And lastly-ish, my novel... thing. Rogue. I’m in the process of editing it, although I’ve taken kind of a break lately. And as soon as I’m done with the edits and can get a couple of people to read it (just so they can tell me if certain parts are stupid and need changed) I plan to start the next book in the series... which will probably end up being book #1, actually, if I do them modern-era chronologically. It’s... gonna be a process. ^^;  2.  Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project.       In my upcoming FO3 fic series, I’m honestly just kind of weirdly looking forward to... how do I put this? Exploring my own vaguely-traumatic experiences through fic. I’ll always do a happy ending, if possible, but before we get there I really want to run these two through the ringer of... being given something they were led to believe was impossible, being judged for it, having it taken away, and then being told “well maybe it’s for the best”.       When it comes to future projects, I guess I’m really excited about writing the new Rogue book. “Reaper”, I guess, is its unimaginative working title. I’m anxious about it, because I thought Rogue had some really deeply emotional scenes, and I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to accomplish that as well with this new one, simply because the characters don’t have the same level of desperation about each other. I need to figure out what’s unique about their dynamic and push that. I guess I’m looking forward to the challenge.  3.  What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)       Hmm gosh. Technically there’s a scene in the later chapters of Mobius that I already wrote, but it wouldn’t take place until probably chapter 3 or later, and I just lost all steam on that fic, sadly. But every time I poke through my notes I make myself cry reading it. It’s a scene where one character knows it’s going to be the last time he sees the person he loves most, and he can’t explain his pain to anyone. I really just want to get there so I can see if it makes other people cry like babies haha.       But on a completely unrelated note, there’s also this ZADR fic I started writing in like 2009, and I absolutely didn’t want to do the work to get to the fun middle scenes, but basically it was an AU where young adult Dib went to live/work in the thriving multi-species space community, where he’s... I dunno, studying alien biology I think?, and he ends up with Zim as a roommate. The scenes I really wanted to write were about the two of them getting into like a bar fight with some tough types, and Zim gets his pak ripped off/damaged in the process, and Dib has to sort of take care of him through a horrible fever. But then it turns out that the pak was not a life-support system like they thought, but actually a growth inhibitor so they (the people in charge of the Irkens) could choose who became the Tallest (the leaders). (And also it hindered reproduction, etc.) So basically the two of them accidentally start to unravel a galactic conspiracy which also involves corruption in the Earth government, etc, and Zim gets taller but spoiler alert, he still doesn’t get tall enough to challenge the Tallest lol. Sadly, I doubt I’ll ever actually write that fic. Sounds like too much effort lol.  7.  What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?       That’s such a hard question. Ummm. How do I put any of that into words? ...I think one of the things about my writing is that a lot of the time nothing really happens in a scene, and the story mostly focuses on a character thinking. Like, enough happens so there’s something for them to think about, but I think I tend to put a lot of emphasis on POV character’s thoughts, to the point of sometimes seeming stream-of-consciousness. I’ve been told that this makes my stories feel alive though? So I think it appeals to some people, though I’m sure others would find such stories boring.       Oh also, somewhat along these lines, I like to add commentary that is only somewhat relevant, usually in parenthesis at the end of a sentence or paragraph. (Honestly, it’s not unusual to see one in every paragraph if I’m writing something slightly humorous.)  9.  Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?      I would LOVE to write primarily longfics! However, I just don’t have the time or energy for it, and I don’t write fast enough. So I end up with a lot of oneshots under 10k. I had to challenge myself to learn to write short things though, and then it’s really about writing something short, not about writing a specific story.       Generally, I’m both pantster and plotter. I tend to write the first chapter/few scenes/maybe as much as 10k, just by the seat of my pants. After that, I look at what I’ve got and write out a plot to continue from there. Plotting everything out before I start just doesn’t work for me, but if I try “pantsing” anything longer than 15k I know I’m gonna have an absolute torturous hell of a time.  13.  Do you share your writing online? (Drop a link!) Do you have projects you’ve kept just for yourself?      Lol I think anyone who’s reading this knows I share my stuff online. Primarily on my AO3, though there’s some other stuff floating around here on tumblr too.  Most of the time if I keep something to myself it’s only because it’s not finish enough to share. So, sure, there’s plenty of that, but the goal is always to share it eventually. If I ever get around to finishing a novel, those will probably be the only things I don’t just post online. (Though I do post most of my OC stuff currently.)  17.  Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?       I think that inevitably my readers will always perceive me and my writing a bit differently than I do. That’s just... interacting with people. Nobody knows you entirely. However, I am as open and honest in my writing as possible, and I actually think that reading my fic is the best way to get to know me. I like to hope that I am an open book to anyone who has read many of my words. =] While you may not know the details of my life, I think you would have a good insight into my personality.    23.  What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?       Like... my oldest fic/story that I’ve never written or posted? Not counting stuff I’ve consciously abandoned (things from middle school, mostly), my original fic series, “Damsel and Company in Distress” aka DamselCo. is definitely my oldest story. I think I started fiddling with it in 2006-- which makes it pretty disappointing that it’s gotten next to nowhere. XD; But the story is my baby, and it’s been my baby for so long that anyone who’s followed me ever is probably at least vaguely familiar with a few of the characters.  Now maybe one day I’ll actually give it the attention it deserves, though I’m sure it’ll need significant revamping. After all, a lot has changed in 14+ years. Ideas that were new and subversive then are probably already stale. 

[artnerd1123]

DTRH!AU Masterpost

Moving into a new post since I’ve got stuff actually organized!!! It’ll likely get an update from time to time. Apologies to those whom the read more breaks for ‘^^

Everything to do with this au will be tagged #dtrh!au or #down the rabbit hole au Individual characters are tagged with #dtrh![name] 

Here’s an AU PMV for starters! 

Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?

Putting this up here so it doesn’t get super buried- Here’s the fic(s) set in this AU! All Moving Pictures End 

The AU crash course: The premise behind the au is that everything takes place in a pocket dimension controlled by a black magic script. Joey Drew is the one who’s writing/editing this script, and his rewrites affect the world and the characters within it. His constant reshaping eventually twists the world from a sitcom genre to a horror film- hence the horror esque setting, creatures, and plot. The characters didn’t escape the rewrites’ effects either. They’re warped into corrupted versions of themselves. However, these characters end up becoming sentient after awhile. The first one of these to become entirely sentient is Henry. He’s currently the only one who’s all the way out of alignment. A toon gone rogue, if you will. He still goes along with Joey’s “plot,” but it’s more so he can try to reach the other characters than to keep Joey happy or unaware of his actions. His goal is to basically “wake up” the other characters, so they can all stop living in a hellish nightmare studio and actually try and make something nice out of their home. He’s extremely dedicated to his goal. 

Character time!!! toon trio refs / corrupted refs  butcher gang refs / corrupted refs  toon henry ref  toon sammy ref / corrupted sammy ref  toon susie ref / corrupted susie ref  toon allison and tom refs / corrupted allison and tom refs  joey ref / toon joey ref  toon norman ref / corrupted ref  toon bertrum ref / corrupted ref  toon and corrupted grant refs  toon jack ref / corrupted jack ref  toon wally ref / corrupted wally ref  toon and corrupted lacie refs  toon and corrupted shawn refs 

Character relationships/orientations 

Concept art, anyone? toon trio concept work (w/ bonus corrupted bendy n alice) corrupted boris/alice concept work (ft bonus hen) butcher gang concept work (w/ corrupted forms) henry concept work sammy concept work (and more henry) susie concept work joey concept work corrupted norman concept work toon norman concept work  throwing around lost ones ideas 

Misc stuff Henry, but Goop™  Susie and Studio Tea™  Hey Henry, how do u feel about Joey?  Yo hold up, hen and polk are a thing???  Henry’s glasses saga  Regular studio shenanigans 

FAQ: 

How many of the employees are gonna show up? Hopefully all the named ones in the game! Once they’ve got a design, they’re guaranteed to show up somewhere.

Are they really carbon copies of the employees? Is there nothing different about them and their irl counterparts? They started as carbon copies! Latching onto their old traits and their old selves does help them come to their senses. However, different character development happens in script than IRL, so they end up different. Henry, for example, takes up the last name “Ross” when he wakes up (instead of his IRL counterpart’s “Stien”) to differentiate himself :0

So is everyone corrupted on purpose? Yes and no. Yes, because Joey chose to rewrite the script so much that it mangled characters, but no, because he didn’t intend to mangle them in the first place. It just kinda happened.

What makes them corrupted? Corruption is what happens when you can’t hold onto the core of what your character is, and get dragged into what the new script is telling you. It’s when you lose sight of who you are among all the chaos. People who are drawn farther away from their actual selves end up more monstrous. Susie (aka “alice” angel) is a great example of this. Bendy is too! Far be it from his real nature to be a murderous monster.

So can the toons be uncorrupted? Yup! Henry’s our model citizen this time. He looks more like a toon than a normal person, sure, but there’s nothing monstrous about him. That’s because he’s latched onto what makes him Henry. He’s not letting the instability of the world around him shake him up. Otherwise he’d be a goopy mess of ink.

Why’d Joey write everyone so differently that they corrupted? He’s actually very out of touch with people once he starts rewriting the script. Since his memories are getting foggy, he fixates on details that he can remember, and exaggerates them as needed. In fact, he’s hidden tape recorders around the script studio as built in reminders of these character traits.

How’d Henry wake up? And how does he plan on waking everyone else up? Ok… this is a longer answer. It all comes together, i promise. Jus hang with me. Whenever henry dies, he gets sent back to a sort of “first draft” stage. In order to get back to the world he’s supposed to exist in, he has to get through all the layers of ink Joey put down to get to his current script. As one can imagine… there’s a lot. So much so that Henry has to essentially swim to the surface. As he passes through all this ink, he can hear whispers of previous scripts. The deeper he is, the closer these whispers are to what the world used to be like. Seeing as Henry is the protagonist, he ended up dying… a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Joey had a lot of snags in the script to work out. All these times sent into the draft-y ink soup made made Henry slowly realize what was going on. He wasn’t mindless anymore. He knew what was up. After realizing that the world wasn’t right, it didn’t take him long to push for the rest of his consciousness. He plans on using what whispers and memories he can gather to bring everyone else back. He’s not dying on purpose, mind you, but he gathers as much information as he can to help everyone else realize that they’re not who they’re supposed to be.

Wait, memories? Does Henry remember the past scripts now? Not quite? He’s got a good enough memory stockpile to keep himself centered, but he doesn’t always know what’s up ahead as he heads through another studio loop. If Joey happens to rewrite or change around the script, those patches of Henry’s memory blip out of existence. Or at least get hazy. Hen can often tell if Joey’s changed something by how many holes he has in his memories.

Can anyone in the pocket dimension get out? Henry’s the only one who can get out! Joey literally wrote him a back door to the script. It used to be so he could talk to Henry whenever the “story” was over, but nowadays it’s just to judge how fast plot goes via how quickly Hen gets back. All Henry can manage to do is walk around and stare silently. And he can’t even stay out very long. Ink’s unstable in the real world. Gotta go back in n start the horror show over if u wanna live :/

Can Joey go in? Nope! Since he’s not made of ink, he can’t go in. He can watch tho!!! He does so via writing POV shifts into the script, and watches through whatever character it shifted to. Who needs cameras when u got the eyes of black magic toons n inky monsters ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Does Joey know Henry is sentient now? Nnnnot quite? He thinks the magic is being screwy with him. He can’t switch POV to Henry anymore, since the toon’s taken control of himself, and that’s real confusing since the writer doesn’t know what’s up. Plus, like mentioned above, Hen can’t exactly give Joey a sign once he gets out of the studio. Bummer :/

Is Joey gonna majorly rewrite the script any time soon? Nope. He’s to attached to his current plot to change the genre or anythin, so it’s gonna stay as is. With some changes here and there. One musn’t underestimate how many times u can change the order of scenes, or improve dialogue... 

AU Background:

((this is long as shiz, so get some popcorn slfkjs))

Y’all probably wanna know how this whole horror show started. I’ve got two words for ya: Joey Drew. Unsurprising! But he’s our starting point nonetheless. Joey Drew is the retired owner of Joey Drew Studios, a cartoon studio that ran itself into the ground after a decade or two of fantastical cartoons. Money problems aren’t kind to the entertainment industries. However, the studio was still his pride and joy! As are the friends who stuck by him or met him during the time it was open. He kept up with all of them through the years. They were like a little family. Unfortunately, time has a way of changing things. With his friends drifting away, living their own lives, getting up in years, or a combination of the three, Joey wasn’t doing too well. He was lonely. Feeling washed up. Missing the glory days, where he helped work on cartoon scripts instead of submitting horror and mystery shorts to local magazines. Not all that surprising that he turned to something else to cope. This thing being none other than occult magic. Because… of course it is. It’s a habit he’s had for years. Nothing like some demonic rituals to spice up the life of the creative mind behind kids’ cartoons! Especially fun when you’re a man with poor impulse control and a wild imagination. In any case, Joey summons the three main characters of his beloved cartoon series. Bendy, Alice, and Boris! (I refer to these three as the “toon trio.”) He was just as happy that he’d managed to bring them to life as he was to have them around the house. It was like having slightly unruly grandkids with toony superpowers. In other words, they were absolutely delightful!!! He took care of them and admired their antics. It was a great time. … until. Well. It wasn’t. Turns out things that don’t belong in this world get rejected eventually. After a few months, things started go go wayward. The toon trio had difficulties maintaining their forms, moving, engaging in tropes, and a ton of other things. They were miserable. Joey was understandably heartbroken to see this happen to his poor toons. So, like any good person, he tried to do the right thing: put them back on the paper they came from. It didn’t end up working exactly how he’d expected. Everything comes with a price when you mess with demonic ink. The magic not only created a stack of paper instead of a series of drawings, but latched onto an old fountain pen and Joey’s closet. If the closet thing seems odd, it is. But it’s a convenient place to hide ritual pentagrams! So, closet it is. Upon frantic examination of the papers, Joey discovered it was a script. A black magic infused script. Three names up top told him the toon trio were the only characters. A bit of experimentation led him to discover that the magic-infused pen was the only thing that could interact with the script properly. Further experimentation showed him that the script had made his closet into a pocket dimension. The contents? Whatever was in his new script. This is where the real fun begins. The new magic script practically floored Joey with awe. He had a world he could shape however he wished! He could run all those scripts he’d never gotten to put in production! He could watch his toons frolick! He could even use it to play with ideas he’d never gotten to explore. The possibilities were endless! 

((Of course, you might be wondering if Joey… y’know. Knew the toons were still alive. Because they were, they were just living in a pocket dimension now. In short? No. He didn’t. He carefully tested a few things with the script, just to make sure. All the toons did was what he wrote down. They moved like they were alive, but didn’t act that way. Plus, the dimension made them blank slates. They didn’t have any characterization in there to make them truly alive. So! For all intents and purposes? He saw them as you would any other character you write. A visual extension of his imagination. Ok mini rant over, back to the story--))

Playing with the toons was amazing. Joey hadn’t had fun like that in years! It was his little secret world, populated by his cherished toons. He could make believe whatever he wished. Eventually, though, loneliness started to catch back up to the old man. His friends… his family… life… it all went on. He just felt left behind. And what does Joey do when he doesn’t feel good? Not cope healthily, that’s for sure. Onwards to more occult magic! Only this time, he tries something… different. The toons were lonely. They deserved company. They deserved someone to take care of them. A familiar face. Maybe someone who helped Joey create them in the first place. Someone who’d just sent Mr. Drew an old letter and a card, since he hadn’t seen him in awhile… … someone like Henry. Using the magic pen, Joey traced over Henry’s note. Far from ruining the precious letter, it transferred “Henry” into the script. It’s not the real one! Basically a carbon copy, fresh from the time period that Hen first wrote the note in. Seeing as Henry’s letter came from around the time the cartoon studio was going strong, it’s an old version of him. But it was still Joey’s old friend. Just… toony. Toon Henry reacted just as his living friend would. If he wrote dialogue? He spoke it like Henry would. If he wrote some action? The toon put a classic Henry twist on it. Delighted, Joey returned to his script with renewed vigor. Toon Henry got to spend plenty of quality with the toon trio as the days went on. Thus began a trend of toonification. Missing one of his old friends? All Joey had to do was grab something with their old handwriting on it, and trace them into the script! There’s a carbon copy that acts just like the real deal! A fine compromise, right? … Right? Not exactly. It was fine at first. Joey made what could probably qualify as a sitcom-style story for the toony world to run on. His friends, at this point, all populated the studio. The premise was that the toons (now including the butcher gang!) had been summoned while he was still running the studio, and got up to hijinks with the rest of the employees. A hefty dose of actual studio drama- turned comedic, of course- kept the whole thing almost real. Joey even featured himself once or twice, but only in allusions, or a disembodied voice. He wasn’t about to let a carbon copy of himself have all the fun. It made him feel less lonely. More included. A fantasy world of never ending fun and heartwarming moments. How unfortunate it is that life doesn’t follow this pattern. Morality is a hard thing to come to terms with. So is sickness. Especially that of a friend. … it was just one rewrite at first. One alteration on a bad day. After all, using writing to cope is perfectly acceptable. One bad episode in the midst of sunshine doesn’t discount it all. One uncanny occurrence, though, doesn’t usually stay singular. It didn’t take long for the solitary rewrite to become two rewrites. Then three. Four. Six. Ten. Twenty. Fifty. More and more and more. Until the happy honey colored studio slipped into sinister sepia. This wasn’t the old script anymore. Not by a long shot.

The setting? A studio of shattered dreams.   Your protagonist? Henry. His goal? Survive long enough to escape.

~It’s quite th͝e̵͞͏ ͠M̕a͘sţe̛̕r͘p̕i̵͝e̡ḉe̡̨͜~̡̛

[tropesaretools]

Character Sheets: The Good, The Bad, and the Messy

I am not fond of character sheets.

I actually actively avoided using them for about seven years because they were a hallmark of 13 year old me’s perfectionism, trying to craft the Ideal Character that was Most Definitely NOT A Mary Sue. They were messy, and inaccurate, and boxed in character traits in a way that stopped them from being organic. I just needed memory to keep track of everything I ever needed! (It helped I was prolific enough that I was churning out 50k every month or two. No, I did not have a life as a teenager)

Then I started slowing down, because adult life takes up a lot of time and mental space.

Cue an endless string of “what had I been working on, again?”

Part of it was I spent a few years (still ongoing) with a cowriter. Suddenly, nothing could stay in my head, because if it didn’t get verbalized, then it wasn’t ever going to make it into the story. So we started keeping plot notes. And character notes. Because when you have two adults with inattentive-heavy ADHD with lives that take up most of our waking hours, those things vanish and it’s annoying to go through hours and hours of chatlog to find what we’d originally said about it (thank god for enough memory to even do that).

So I’m going to tell you what I stick into a character sheet, in the hopes it will give you some insight into crafting living characters.

#1: Objective, Physical Things

Aka, those things that exist, with only one meaning, and are not going to change based on context.

This includes:

Physical description (eye colour, height, identifying marks, skin tone, hair colour/style)

Gender

Job title(s) and education

Hobbies

Magic powers and any notes

Orientation

Illnesses (physical and mental, chronic or not)

Disabilities (physical and mental)

Relationship status

Any other important facts, like languages spoken and proficiency in

Notable possessions and status symbols (like if they wear a ring that was given to them by their now-dead grandmother, or a journal that they write everything in)

This should be where the bulk of your character’s info is. This is what you’re going to be referencing all the time. The solid, hard facts about the character. The things you really don’t want to forget about, so you avoid the mistake of a character’s eye colour changing.

Important note: some of these things are flexible if you’re writing a coming of age or self-discovery story (ie- orientation, gender, some disabilities— especially ones with high teenager-and-adult diagnosis rates like autism and ADHD).

If that’s the case, write down the end result and note that it’s the end result. You can then plot out the discovery milestones that lead them to that result, without losing sight of where you’re going to end up.

#2 Subjective, Personality Things

This is where it gets fun.

My biggest gripe with this section of character sheets is they’re too neat. The example I often use is honesty— a “virtuous” trait that is listed in every positive checkbox.

Except honesty is only useful in a handful of situations— among close friends, namely. How many times have you lied on a job application? Or what about trying not to share your whole life story with a stranger?

Honesty is a detriment to many, many situations. An honest character in a political circle is a dead character. An honest spy will never get the job. Writers, in a sense, lie for a living while also telling the truth about humanity.

So where does that leave you?

Write the trait, then put it in context. Protective of loved ones becomes being loyal to a fault, staying in bad situations way longer than you should; saving people who hurt you later. Confidence becomes arrogance when somebody takes that smirk to mean the skills are all hot air. Honesty becomes cruelty, becomes a Way To Break It Hero because now the villain knows something they shouldn’t.

Remember how I said you need to strip down your character’s emotional reactions to their body language so you can figure out who they are? You want to do the same with this.

#3 Narrative Instructions

Skip this for any character who won’t be a point of view character, but do take the time to work it out for characters we will be seeing the world out of.

Gonna be honest: one of my most-often-said critiques is “this character sounds generic.” My exact words are usually lined up with the author’s age and education, because we all have a tendency to make characters sound like us or our friends. We are, after all, the primary people who experience our lives, and rarely do we have to stray from our own mind.

With writing, you have to, because we are actively trying to create a new person. They might have shades of us (self inserts, after all, exist, and this is no disrespect towards them), but in the end, these people are not us, and we want them to feel 1- real and 2- relatable.

So write down how you’ll construct their narrative.

Will they notice the set of a person’s mouth first, or will they scan for feet placement and not trust what’s on their face? Are they prone to making judgement calls on a person’s fashion choices? Do they try to be Sherlock and deduce a whole personality and backstory by the smallest of clues? Do they err on the side of a large vocabulary, small, or specialized for a certain trade?

While it’ll likely take multiple drafts for these details to truly come out, having at least a general sense of them will help create more fleshed out narration with more building blocks for you to play with.

Nothing Can Replace (Re)Writing

As helpful as character sheets are (and I hope this list is helpful!), every single character you write will be flat at first. Every last one. You won’t find a shortcut that gets you a Passable First Draft anywhere.

Nobody has a good one. Every character starts off flat, and does things they would never do in the final iteration, and is built the more you stick them in situations.

Keep editing, and keep polishing.

Thanks for reading! If you liked this content, please consider supporting me on patreon. It’ll get you access to a bunch of cool stuff! (including an eventual character sheet... once I write it)

[glorious-sea-pancakes]

To people wondering why Captive Prince is beloved

Alright so I know a lot of people think that captive prince, the book series, is problematic. The whole thing is hotly debated. 

As someone who loves the series fiercely and doesn’t think that it is problematic, I wanted to put in my two cents to the debate... because a lot of people who explain why it is a good series often fall short and don’t really explain adequately in my opinion. If I were someone on the fence that read a lot of the explanations I've seen, I wouldn’t be particularly convinced or happy. So I’ll do my best to articulate what I mean.

EDIT: wow this is long. Sorry? 

EDIT EDIT: And in retrospect the only thing I see with Captive Prince that actually does bother me is the lack of female characters. This is very much a male dominated story. But you know what? That’s a pretty small gripe because I’m cool with a boy-focused story. Plus it has an awesome gay power couple as the main characters.

HOKAY so first: A lot of people try too hard to avoid any kind of spoilers that they keep it TOO vague. So, without spoilers, I’m gonna be a little clearer 

Thing One: The premise.

Damen is a warrior hero to his people, and the rightful heir to the throne of Akielos. But when his half brother seizes power, Damen is captured, stripped of his identity, and sent to serve the prince of an enemy nation as a pleasure slave. Beautiful, manipulative, and deadly, his new master, Prince Laurent, epitomizes the worst of the court at Vere. But in the lethal political web of the Veretian court, nothing is as it seems, and when Damen finds himself caught up in a play for the throne, he must work together with Laurent to survive and save his country. For Damen, there is just one rule: never, ever reveal his true identity. Because the one man Damen needs is the one man who has more reason to hate him than anyone else…

With this alone, I can see why people get the wrong idea. At a glance you think it’ll be a Stockholm syndrome kinkfest with tons of rape and Fifty Shades of Grey consent issues--hence it being problematic.

However, I am telling you right here and now, the two main characters hate each other’s guts. Laurent would sooner break his own fingers than touch Damen. The two main characters have sex and a romance eventually, but it isn’t until they develop real respect wwwayy later. Ridiculously later. By the time those two hold hands you’ve been screaming for entire books kiss already!

Sooo, the first thing that I assumed when I picked Captive Prince was that there would be immediate hate sex, but I am halfway book 2 and the sex is nowhere to be seen and instead I am so caught up in the political intrigue that I don’t even care-- cosetteferaud

They are physically attracted from the beginning, true, but they hate so strongly that they couldn’t be bothered to take much interest in pretty faces.

Damen frowned. Laurent was a nest of scorpions in the body of one person. Torveld looked at him and saw a buttercup.

So, no, this isn’t a stokholm kinkfest.

Things in this summary you should focus on: Not just the pleasure slave thing.

The real focus is on the political intrigue and twisty politicking with EXTREMELY slowburn romance on the side.

The first book is widely known as the darkest of the three. In places it is hard to read but you DO have to read it to fully appreciate the second and third books. You must know what is at stake, get plot threads going, really see what they’re working so hard for. Gotta meet the villain and understand why they’re so bad. You need that dark first book understand why they end up loving so deeply. You need to see them at their worst. And on that note, their worst…

Thing Two: Their hatred.

I mean it when I say they have anger and hate. The chasm yawning between them is an ugly one.

So Laurent haaaAAATES Damen. He treats Damen like garbage. And Damen hates him because of it. Laurent is actively TRYING to be a dick. He’s aware that he’s doing things that are mean. Laurent is trying to put down someone he genuinely sees as an enemy. So, yeah, Laurent does Problematic things. However that’s… to be expected? When you hate someone’s guts? If your goal is to make sure someone hates you there are some pretty clear ways to achieve that. He doesn’t want to like Damen. If you wince and think that, ouch, that was cruel and charged with a lot of ugly implications: know that Laurent is fully aware and is eyes open trying to create distance between them by using those things deliberately. You won’t completely know the why until later in the series. 

A thing to remember: you don’t yet know his motivations.

To me, the most important thing is not what the characters say or do but how the author frames those things.

When Laurent does something conniving or insults people: the reader, Damen, and the author all understand he’s being a dick. The author isn’t glorifying Laurent’s behavior. That means everything. She NEVER excuses them for what they do. You’re meant to look on the bad things that happen and agree that oh, no, that was a bad thing.

Characters should be able to do bad things otherwise what is the point of the story? Not every book can be conflict free coffee shop aus. If you only want to read problem free stories like that, this is NOT the series for you.

More than that, there’s value in discussing the dark things like the ones that this book discusses. There’s value in seeing people hate and attempt to destroy each other. I’m serious!

When Laurent says something nasty you’re meant to be like OOF LAURENT OW not ‘Oh the author believes this and wants people to be like this.’ Because that would be dumb? People should be able to talk about real life issues and problematic stuff without being equated as sermons. Because if you believe that even depicting the Bad Thing is gonna spread it, then you’re silencing education about the Bad Thing that could allow people to avoid and learn from it. Censorship does not encourage equality, it encourages ignorance. Censorship and purist ideology just denies that people, good people, can do bad things. It also denies the knowledge that Badguys are human.

One of the reasons I love storytelling so much is because it is the number one way to think about and discuss difficult topics that happen in the real world all the time. I’m sorry, you can’t escape reality. It is out there. Constantly. We need to think about and see these bad things and create a conversation about them to understand them. On a cultural level, storytelling is how we learn and frame opinions. We started out telling myths through oral tradition around campfires to explain and teach—what makes novels any different? Novels are one of many modern-day oral tradition adaptions. You must appreciate that for what it is.

Captive Prince is no exception.

Thing Three: The Virtues (AKA why you should read it)

-Srslyarts

This is a mature book. It discusses sex and has graphic smut. It discusses rape. It discusses pedophilia. People die. The author condones NONE of these things. But, more than anything, she also managed to capture delicious, thorny, complex, hard to explain pain of emotional conflict. Which is so hard to write. And that emotional pain and complexity is so interesting and beautiful.

This is a book about hurting others the way you’ve been hurt. It’s about abuse, recovery, redemption, forgiveness. Its about privilege, growing up too quickly, entitlement, sexual objectification, slavery, having no choice, responsibility, putting your past in perspective, realizing the people you hate are human, realizing you were wrong, realizing people aren’t who you thought they were, that you’ve made mistakes, realizing you don’t like the person you used to be, learning how much you’re willing to give up. It talks about abuse survivors who don’t get sad but become angry instead. It’s about the long-term effects, the vulnerabilities, of abuse. It’s about good people doing bad things. It’s about falling in love with someone who has done the unforgivable and being terrified of it. This novel does not take the easy way out on anything.

The emotional complexity in this book is gorgeous. I’ve heard so many people say they were moved deeply by Laurent because they saw themselves in him.

More than that, this book is intelligently written. All the political intrigue, the focus of the story, is SO SMART. Seriously. I predicted so little. Normally when I crack open a book I can generally see where a story is going and what is implied way before the reveal. But these characters are wickedly smart and four steps ahead of you as a reader. And you get to see their thought process!! I’ve noticed a lot of authors will tiptoe around the How of characters outsmarting people because they can’t figure it out themselves. Myself included. Not this story. You see every step of Laurent’s spider web being woven and the hand Damen has in it. Pacat is incredibly intelligent and it shows through her characters.

Laurent is quick as a whip and sees through everything—I never would have noticed half of the things he sees. Nor would I be able to prepare and respond so well. It is so cool seeing him explain what is happening politically.  

Its even better because you’re reading from the perspective of Damen. Damen is a prince and a strategist. Damen is a master military man. However social subtleties aren’t his forte and a lot goes right over his head but not yours. Damen is notoriously honorable and oblivious. He thinks he knows what is going on but you will stop and squint. Even still, in the end both you and him are shocked silly by what actually happens. Moreover, Damen is a wonderful person and it is really cool being in his head. He’s every bit the noble prince who is quiet, thoughtful, serious, and honorable to a fault. He’s also a brat and inwardly very snarky despite being so good natured. 

The writing style is delicate and eloquent. She remains consistent with lingo fitting for the time. And, honestly, the humor is super dry and I flipping love it.

Lastly. It is a truly good love story. For how ugly their relationship started Lamen ends up becoming one of the healthiest most loving and sweet I’ve read.

PS: We don’t deserve Charls the Veretian Cloth Merchant or Damen’s left cheek dimple.

-typohime

And, finally, a word from the author:

[one-soul-two-brothers]

one-soul-two-brothers’ ultimate fic recs: j2 non au edition (part III)

why I chose these: J2 non au are my absolute favorite fics to read Happy endings are a requirement A fic doesn’t have to have sex to be good (but it doesn’t hurt) They have all been thoroughly vetted (aka I’ve read them all at least twice, and will definitely be reading them all again)

ENJOY!

best ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP

title: Second Chances rating: explicit word count: 6800 summary: Jared and Jensen have a ‘friends with benefits‘ relationship the whole time up until they marry the girls. They try to stop; really they do. excerpt: Jared hates gossip, he really does. It’s part of the whole acting thing - the need to keep his life - and the lives of the people he loves - private. Jared bites his lip to keep from telling her that this isn’t their business, that’s it’s between Jensen and Danneel. Which isn’t entirely true. Jensen is having an affair. Granted, he didn’t know that his friend hadn’t had sex with his own wife in damn-near three months. And he refuses to acknowledge the warmth that spreads through his stomach and heart at the thought that it might be because of him. Unless, Jensen’s sleeping with someone else as well. Huh. So apparently jealously is another emotion that he needs to learn to ignore. anna’s notes: It takes Jared and Jensen having to break up their friends-with-benefits relationship to get married (to other people) to realize that maybe it was always more than just friends with benefits. Even with the infidelity storyline, this fic is sweet and heartwarming.

title: The Death of Jensen Ackles rating: explicit word count: 10k summary: Jensen and Jared are friends with benefits until something happens that changes everything. anna’s notes: Okay obviously Jensen does not die, just want to get that out there. Jensen is allergic to kiwi and Jared finds out the hard way, then proceeds to be cute and funny while freaking the fuck out (even though Jensen is fine) and it forces them to face their true feelings. Actually a very sweet fic with hardly any angst.

title: Black Ice rating: explicit word count: 7400 summary: Jared returned from a promo trip, Jensen wanted to pick him up. But he didn't throw the weather into the equation... anna’s notes: This has a little bit of everything: hurt!Jensen, mild angst, a very adorably concerned Jared, and some humor (Jensen passes out after sex and it’s kind of funny how Jared reacts). This is definitely one of the more canon non-aus, and it was written in 2016 so I like to assume it takes place during one of the later seasons (not that it really affects the story or anything).

best SELF HARM / ED / ETC

title: In a Mirror Distorted and Indistinct rating: mature word count: 38k summary: They keep calling him beautiful. Pretty. “Come on. Look this way. Give us a smile, Jensen.” He smiles and blinks against the flashes, fighting the urge to lower his eyes, to hide the blush burning under layers of makeup. Sweat runs down his back, his hands tremble. He’s not pretty, not beautiful. He’s small and weak and pathetic and one day they’re all gonna figure it out. One day… anna’s notes: Okay I put off reading this for the longest time because I did not really like the summary. Which annoys me because it immediately became one of my favorites. I mean, I love this one, it’s kind of sad but I read it every few days, especially after I’ve read a not-so-good fic. Anyways, here’s a different summary: Jensen develops an eating disorder after an accident when he was 14. Moving to LA and trying to make it in the entertainment industry doesn’t help. Then he lands a role on Supernatural, and meets Jared, and kind of falls in love with Jared, and everything eventually comes spilling out. (Also, the writing style is a more standard than the author’s summary makes it out to be.) (There are also two timestamps.) Basically if you haven’t read this yet, go do it right now.

title: Intervention rating: explicit word count: 46k summary: It takes an accident for everyone to become aware of exactly how serious Jensen’s problem has become. But how can Jared and the Ackles family help when Jensen is so in denial? The only way they know how. author’s notes: This story is slightly AU in that it is set at the end of filming for Season 6. J/G have been married for one year, J/D are coming up on their one year. It also suggests that at one time, Jared and Jensen had been together in a relationship, but broke up due to PR pressures and other outside influences. anna’s notes: This story is sweet and moderately angsty and not too heartbreaking, and it’s well-written, the characterization is great, and the ending is really satisfying. Just a warning (for those who care, I don’t one way or another), it does not paint either D or G in a positive light. At all. If you want a long, solid fic with good storyline and a happy ending, this is for you.

best HUMOR / CRACK

title: Assumption Is the Mother of All Fuckups rating: explicit word count: 19k summary: Jared couldn’t resist playing a practical joke on Jensen. He just wasn’t prepared for the consequences. This is about how he saw an opportunity and ran with it hoping to pull off the ultimate practical joke and beat Jensen once and for all and how it didn’t quite turn out like he had planned. It is a story about why Jared decided to stop playing jokes on Jensen and instead joined him with playing jokes on everyone else. anna’s notes: I. Cannot. Explain. To. You. How. Fucking. Hilarious. This. Is. I’ve read it twice in like three days, I just...it’s so good. And yes, it’s crack in a sense that it’s ridiculous and probably would never happen, but the kicker is that I could almost actually see this happening. I mean, that would be amazing if it did. Everyone is written slightly OOC because it is crack, but it’s done in a way that honestly just makes it that much better. Just, please go read this, and be prepared to laugh out loud for like three hours straight. (It’s especially amazing if you read it at 4 in the morning while slightly sleep-deprived, like I did the first time.) Also, there’s a sequel which I haven’t finished yet so I can’t vouch for it, but I’ll link it here anyways (and edit this once I do finish it): Two Wrongs Make It...Right?

title: Two Times Jared rating: explicit word count: 25k summary: There aren't many things that make him lose his poise. He's not one of those guys that regularly freaks out, when their favorite NBA team gets knocked out of an important competition or make that NFL or MLB, pick whatever you want. No, most of the time Jared Padalecki is a pretty laid-back guy. Right, so maybe he did freak out when his Dad almost caught him making out with this girl from High School in their backyard when Jared was 16 because the family was home from church early all the while Jared was supposed to lie in bed, being "sick", but that's an entirely different story. What really freaked him out, though, was when Jared met his "gay" self. Well, his other self that was more than a little gay for his best friend. It happened something like this… anna’s notes: Jared meets a physical manifestation of his inner (gay, apparently) consciousness who is there to help him realize his deepest desire...which just so happens to be Jensen Ackles.

best PORN WITH PLOT

title: The Ultimate Gay Test, or Whether or Not to Lick Jensen Ackles & The Ultimate Gay Test 2, or the Padalecki Plan of Penetration rating: mature & explicit word count: 5600 & 21k summary: It's not as if Jared's gay. He thinks. It's just that Jensen's so goddamn pretty; Ok, so there's been kissing and... other stuff. But if Jared's gonna go gay he's going all the way, baby. Now how to get Jensen's dick in his ass... anna’s notes: First Jared has to figure out if he likes Jensen; then there’s lots of porn with some actually kind of heartbreaking plot in between, because Jensen is scared of getting hurt and is scared of hurting Jared because of something that happened in his own past, and it ends up being about way more than just sex.

For all my other ultimate fic recs (j2 non-au and wincest), go here.

[enderoftheend]

5 Things Thing

Tagged by the one and only @five-foot-a-b1tch​! (I’m stealing your number symbols, they look fancy.)

5 things I keep in my bag ① Laptop: Windows 10 Acer laptop in prime breaking down condition! This thing is a few years old. I hope it lasts until I get a new one, lol. I’m a bit attached to it, though... I have fond memories of me playing games in class when I’m supposed to be working. (I’m a high school student, okay? It’s what we all do.) ② 3DS XL: Okay, not ALL the time, but... I do bring it a lot. I take my Pokemon very seriously. All I need to do to have caught ‘em all is to finish the Alolan Dex and then gotten a Diancie. One day, I’ll be a real Pokemon master... ③  Sketchbook: I try not to think about the fact that it has my sister’s ex boyfriend’s name on it. I’m pretty sure it was his when he was in year 9 art, but... he left it here, so yoink. ④ Books: Lots of books. My bag is heavy... ⑤ Laptop charger: The battery on my laptop is warped, so the charger is like a lifeline for it. Well, it has crappy battery life, basically.

5 things I keep in my room ① Birb statues: My dad bought them for me. One of them is a macaw that’s drilled into my wall. The other is a bald eagle that’s sat on my shelf... my bird sits on the eagle, sometimes. He has no fear. ② Plush animals: Most of them are different types of birds... I have an elephant, cheetah and Fennekin one as well though. I also have a really old robotic cat toy, which has been out of battery since forever. It’s furry, though... and again, my bird likes to sit on it. I’m still a kid, so I have a bald eagle plush that I still sleep with. I love bald eagles, y’know? They’re my favourite animal. ③ Assassin’s Creed Special Edition boxes: More specifically, the Notre Dame edition of Unity and the Buccaneer edition of Black Flag. I used to be obsessed with Assassin’s Creed, but now my love for it is more nostalgia for how much I used to enjoy it. I still stand by my opinion that Connor’s the best character, though. ④ Merchandise: Of the Attack on Titan and Undertale variety. I have a Survey Corps uniform, and though... poorly made, I still very much so enjoy it, because I’m a freakin’ nerd. The Undertale merch I got a few days ago from Fangamer. It came with two shirts, one of which is too big for me, but that’s not gonna stop me from wearing it. ⑤ Feather box: I collect feathers. Most of the feathers I have in there are from my bird, since he’s... usually the bird at closest proximity to me in most hours of the day.

5 things I’ve always wanted to do with my life (oh god) ① Concept Art: Getting the obvious stuff out of the way. I enjoy digital painting moreso than doing lined art. It’s just fun to work with colours and lighting and shapes more freely. ② Animate: Probably not gonna happen... especially compared to my art skills, my animation skills are subpar (I know because I tried, I have a YouTube channel with crappy WMM animations in it), and I’m not patient enough to spend days upon days animating a 5-minute video. I have immense respect for animators. Not to mention, every good animation program costs like $500??? What the hell???? ③ YouTube personality: Again, probably never gonna happen, but I want to feel important to a wide range of people. ④ Make a game: It’s not just Undertale that makes me like Toby... Everything he says and does inspires me in some way. He’s my biggest role model at the moment, and I’ve had an idea for an original story for quite a bit. What made me sure that I wanted to do this eventually was a quote he had on his (inactive) Tumblr, when Undertale had its first Birthday. ⑤ Cosplay: Yes. 5 things I’m into  ① Attack on Titan: AoT AoT AoT AoT AoT (it’s always been my most favourite thing ever. I have a place in my heart specially dedicated to it.) ② Undertale: Coming second only to Attack on Titan. I love this game so, so much. I joined the fandom a little late but was immediately charmed by the game the moment I met Flowey. It didn’t take me long to start obsessing over it... by the time I stepped out of the Ruins, I already lost myself to this world. Look at me now. Haha. Ha. ③ osu!: osu! is an Australian-made rhythm game where you click the circles... to the beat. (No, it’s not Japanese, like I initially thought it was. It was actually made by some guy in Perth.) I’ve only been playing for about 9 months and I’m ranked 46k globally out of over 9 million players. Something about seeing you grow out your skill in such a short amount of time is so rewarding. It’s great for improving stamina in my arms (which I’ve always had trouble with, thanks to a certain disability that I was born with) and perhaps the greatest thing about this game is the culture surrounding it. There’s kind of a poetic balance between beauty and elegance, intenseness and frustration, and just... utter weirdness. I love it. ④ Touhou Project: I only recently got into it, but boy, did I get sucked into it. It’s just so damn difficult that it’s impossible not to play it over and over. And, I’ve watched Memories of Phantasm, the fanmade anime... the only good thing about it is the animation quality. And that’s not just me complaining like a hipster... it actually sucks so badly it’s funny. My favourite character is Cirno, in case anyone’s curious. ⑤ Warriors: The one and only book series that I actively follow. The writing’s horrendous in some books, but I love the ideas in it anyway. Plus, Jayfeather is to live for. My favourite book would be either Bluestar’s Prophecy, which was the first book I’ve ever read, Tallstar’s Revenge, which made me shed a manly tear at the end, or Path of Stars, which ACTUALLY made me cry, because that death scene was so emotional. I loved Gray Wing, man...

5 things on my to-do list ① Improve my art: ok. ② Get on top of my schedule: I swear I love my comics... ③ Catch ‘em all: You don’t get it... I take my Pokemon VERY seriously. ④ Actually beat Touhou 6: IT’S. HARD. ⑤ Become a 4-digit player on osu!: Because the community gives 5-digit players like me enough smack for being mediocre... 5 things you may not know about me ① Well, I guess you know NOW, but I was born with a disability. Low muscle tone, AKA Hypotonia. It’s not actually that bad, I think... it does get in the way, but it’s liveable with. ② My earliest memories involved me being a selective mute. This was when I was 4 years old. I only felt comfortable talking at home, and even then I didn’t do it much. I also had OCD, apparently, which I think I can remember a little bit of at the back of my mind. Not too sure, though. ③ I like flowers. For symbolism, partly. But picking flowers has a sort of childish innocence that appeals to me, as well. I don’t think I have a favourite flower. ④ I interacted with Markiplier before I knew who he was... Everyone else on the server at the time knew, though. I was one of the few people on who was very confused. My exact thoughts were, “Who the Hell is this loser?” I was like... 12 or 13, maybe? It was back when he still played Minecraft. And I’m preetty damn sure it wasn’t a fake, seeming as I recall him typing in the chat with words that correlated exactly to what he recorded on his first episode of Drunk Minecraft. I didn’t say anything until after he finished recording and hung out for a bit because I practically just got on the server. ⑤ I’m half Italian. Have you ever been to an Italian Christmas family reunion at midnight? Because I have. It’s loud.

[thehopefulraincoat]

Artist Problem #1

Keeping track of and managing time.

Okay, maybe that’s not the number 1 issue for every artist, but it’s certainly one that’s up there for me. And honestly, who doesn’t struggle with this in some way? But there’s no magic solution to it, so where do we start?

Let’s start here: you’ve got to find something that works for you. I’ve tried so many things that I quit after a short time because it just didn’t fit into my flow of work. Now, I don’t mean that if it doesn’t immediately click, then just give up. It’s said 30 days to form a habit. But I’ve also realized the importance of finding something that fits me. 

For this topic, I’m going to go through the things I use and tell you what they are, how they work, and how I use them.

Scheduling: 

Firstly, I use Google Calendar. Obviously, it’s a calendar and in this instance, I probably don’t need to explain how you use it, but a few reasons I like to use this calendar particularly is that it syncs between my phone and my computer (and sends reminder to both), and because it makes it easy to get the overarching view of the month as well as a close up look at the day.

Now, I use it to keep track of birthdays, things that fall outside of my normal schedule, and recurring stuff like my Bible study (or to keep track of when I don’t have it, more so, or when it’s not at the usual time). It’s not just for art, but by keep track of the other areas of my life, I can better keep track of my time doing art. For example, if I know I’m busy all weekend, I probably shouldn’t plan anything additional Monday-Friday because if I don’t have enough time to finish things, I know I certainly won’t over the weekend. Other things I do to make it work for me is coloring coding events. Church stuff is purple, art stuff is blue, birthdays are green, appointments are red, etc. Since I’m a visual thinker, my stuff has to be visually organized and colors allow me to look at things and at a glance know what’s what.

Trello is the other tool I use for scheduling. It’s designed to let you keep track of tasks for a variety of big/complicated projects. You can create “boards,” in each board you can create “cards” (essentially lists), and each item can be modified via comments you can leave on them, color labels you can add, and checklists. 

I probably don’t use Trello quite the way it’s actually designed to be used. Mainly I use one board (though I have a second one where I dump notes about art ideas) where I have 1 card for each day, 1 card to serve as a misc to-do-list for things that just need to be done eventually, 1 card for things that have to happen this week but not necessarily on a particular day, and 1 card for overarching tasks (each item on this card has a checklist, so long term goals can be checked off one task at a time, completed over weeks or months as necessary). 

Why I really love Trello is that I can color code, create sublists for items, and easily drag items from one list to another as needed. As I go through a day, I’ll complete, say, my daily art practice/sketching. I’ll have written it as “ART: Practice” and when I finish it, added a blue label, signaling that it’s done. Misc tasks are labeled pink when finished, orange is for chores when finished, and green for self-care, etc. This allows me to see at a glance how my day is getting used and by adding the color labels, I can see my items being “checked off.” The To Do list cards (as opposed to the Monday through Sunday ones) also allow me to sort things and keep a running list of stuff without having everything I ever need to get done on one big To Do list for the day. 

Because I’m very visual, long chaotic lists can leave me overwhelmed, but if I don’t write everything down, I forget things. Having my lists broken up makes them seem more manageable, and checklists and color labels allow me to see that I’m getting things done. 

(And yellow is reserved for “God time,” aka my personal Bible study, as opposed to my group Bible study, for those who might wonder.) If I’m having a particularly bad day, I can add in tasks to encourage me to feel like I’m getting things done (which helps me actually start getting things done). Like maybe I’m having a hard time focusings, but I did finally message that one friend back and I also finally got dressed. I’ll add those to my list and color label them. Feeling like you’re getting something done is really important when you’re overwhelmed or struggling with motivation. The trick is to move into actually getting things done. 

Another trick, which I haven’t stuck to using, but might work for you, is rating your tasks. You can actually see it on the item “To promote my art.” You add plus signs to rate how important a task is (+ meaning unimportant & +++++ being VERY important) and you add divider symbols for how hard a task is (| is easy and ||||| is hard). This way you can 

A good alternative to how I use Trello+Google Calendar is something called bullet journaling. You can look up how to do it with a simple Google search and all you need is a pen and a journal. I highly recommend it if something like what I do might work for you, but you’d rather have it all in one place and do it analog-style (though maybe an online equivalent exists?).

Goals: 

Obviously, I use Trello a bit for goals, as I have that “Overarching Tasks” list where vaguer things like “Promote my art” are divided into more practical (but still too big to be considered a single step) sub-headings, like “complete my new website.” 

This is where MS Word comes in (or really anything you can write out lists of goals on). I’m pretty sure you all know how Word works so I won’t explain, but I will give you a screenshot of some of my goals.

(Sorry, I’m too lazy to resize them)

This is just a sample of the whole list, but keeping track of big goals and then making do-able or “bite size” tasks for each goal is really important. It makes what is overwhelming seem possible and gives you a way to know what step to take next. If you know what you need to do next without having to try to remember what you’ve done and what you’ve yet to do, then you’re gonna save yourself a lot of time.

Time Tracking:

Everyone’s favorite section! Literal keeping track of time! (Or am I the only one excited here?) Anywho, Snaptimer is a simple free downloadable count-down timer. I use it for when I want to take breaks, which usually are on the computer. I’ll set it for however long I want and it goes off when I’m done. Plus it can be set to remain “on top” so you can see it counting down or it can be set to have a pop-up when it reaches zero, so it can alert you that your time is up both audibly and visually. Some nice little bonuses are that you can change the color, size, and font of the numbers and that you can customize the timer sound too (mine was a teapot whistle for a while).

RescueTime is a tracking timer. By that, I mean that it tracks how long I spend on what sites and in what programs (because I’ve downloaded it to my browser, phone, and to my desktop). Then if it can figure out what type of site it is (such as it knows that Facebook is social media and social media is distracting, generally), it categorizes it from Very Productive to Very Distracting (with Neutral in the middle for things it can’t categorize or that can’t be considered to be mostly productive or mostly unproductive). With this, I can get a snapshot of how productive my online time has been. It also lets you change the status of a site (like I’ve used Craigslist for job hunting in the past, but at first Rescuetime listed it as Distracting because it thought it was a shopping website and thus that I was shopping, so I changed it to Very Productive), it lets you delete time (for things like if you left Facebook open while you were away from your technology doing something productive), and finally it lets you set goals, like spending less than 4 hours a day on “Unproductive” things.

This is what the main part of the RescueTime dashboard looks like. I’ve only logged 2 hours and 23 minutes, but of that, only 40% has been productive (Note that the 40% ignores what is neutral - In this case, most of the neutral section is Youtube, which normally I use to listen to music, so it’s not a distraction but something that helps me work. Some days though, it’s just a distraction, like today.). 

Lastly, for this section is possibly my favorite tool: Toggl. It’s a count-up timer that is just set up so nicely. You can use the online page, the desktop app, or the phone app and they all sync up to each other. Mostly, I use the desktop app, as I spend a lot of time on or near my computer. Toggl allows you to time a task, assign that task a project (which can be color coded - seeing a theme yet?), and add tags to the task. The tags and the projects allow you to go on the website and look at charts of how you’re time is divided up and they’ll email you weekly a breakdown of your time. 

Here’s a glimpse at the Toggle Dashboard (Ugh, this last week has not been the best week for me, due to a few things that came up. This also doesn’t include the time I was at my job.). It’s really good for someone who needs visual aids and flexible structure. Here’s a quick breakdown of how I track things for art: admin work (this I use purple for and it includes tasks like working on making my website, designing and buying business cards, learning about HTML to do some edits to my site, etc.), practice work (This is a light blue and includes Sketch dailies, figure drawing, etc), misc small projects (these arecurrently a radder purple and can be anything that’s just a one-off image that will be more work than a sketch, but less than a multi-image or large project that takes a lot of planning; a task in this category might be labeled by what I think I’ll name the piece or simply a short description), and big projects (these will vary in label color depending on the project and can be anything like my Fairyland project which took months and was multiple images; a task in this group might be named by the title of the chapter I’m illustrating, for example). 

Accountability:

Finally, the last thing I’m going to list is Discord. 

Discord is a chat/messaging system designed largely to be used by gamers, but I use it, along with a group of friends, as the home to a critique group. Because Discord allows you to not only message people individually or in small groups, but also to set up servers that can permanently house large groups and then allows you to break those servers down into channels, it makes a nice set up for a crit group. We have a channel for us to post goals and make reminders, a channel for serious critique, a channel for sketches and things we may only want some light crit on or that we don’t care for crit at all, a channel for sharing art that inspires us, and a general channel for anything else. These people can pester me if I haven’t posted in a while and give me advice and encouragement to keep going. 

Really, this can be done on numerous other platforms or with in-person meetings, but because many of my friends aren’t super close, transporting art can be a pain, and Discord has a nice multi-channel set up, I recommend it if you want to try something like I’ve discussed.

Don’t discount being held accountable by friends and family that aren’t artists too, though. Sometimes those people will be the best at holding you to things you need to get done!

Final Notes:

Find what works for you! Experiment. When something doesn’t to seem to pan out, take note of what worked and what didn’t. It’ll help you move towards something that works best for you. 

Tough it out! You need to remember why you love art. You need to think about what you’re trying to achieve. Something I read once that helped me was, “The next time you feel like giving up on a project, do this instead: close your eyes, take a deep breath, and imagine how great you’ll feel when you finish the project. Because our subconscious minds are often unable to tell the difference between real and imagined, visualizing the final result can help us stay focused on completing it.”

Have accountability! Be that your best friend who loves your art, your mom who doesn’t get it, your art teacher you’re really close to, or your classmate in art college, there’s someone who can help you. Better yet, have that person find something you can hold them to so that it’s mutually beneficial.

ALL OF THESE PROGRAMS ARE FREE! (Well, except for Word, I suppose, but that or an equivalent comes with pretty much every computer) Some of them have paid premium options, but honestly, I think that they work fine without the premium stuff. 

So good luck and I hope maybe something I’ve discussed will be of help to you~

[youremyonlyhope]

Children of Earth: Day 5

AKA: Torchwood just loves to hurt of its fans.

OR: Some of the most upsetting and disturbing stuff I’ve ever watched.

Why why why why why am I watching this? I don’t know? But I don’t know when I’ll have time to, so I’m watching it now. Before i chicken out and avoid it for months.

I’m gonna press play. If I remember correctly, the episode opens with Gwen on camera right? Giving that chilling speech? I hope I’m wrong because I’d rather work up to that and not just be thrown into it. Too painful.

Ok the preview played. Are those doors airtight? The ones the people were banging on before they died? Shouldn’t the virus have gotten out? NOOOO IT’S GWEN’S VIDEO WHY. “The Doctor must look upon this planet, and turn away in shame.” Just... That line hit me so hard the first time and I still think about it and it still hurts. I’m so so so stressed out. I hate the Prime Minister so much. I love Rhiannon so much. I love her taking in all the kids. I hate that her taking in all the kids leads to the most upsetting scene I’ve ever had to watch. I’m emotional already, my eyes are wet. No. She said “My brother works for the government” and she has no idea about Ianto wow I am in pain. I still like the American General, for now. “Any soldier refusing to do his duty will make his own family liable” YEAH SO ME STILL LIKING THE AMERICAN GENERAL LASTED ALL OF ABOUT 2 MINUTES. Ok Unit Colonel, please, please don’t disappoint me. You’re the only one left that I like. Oh, I still like Dekker since he’s at least smart. Glad he survived since he was the only one who actually believed they’d be back and prepared for it by keeping track of the 456 frequency. Honestly, UNIT should have been on this a long time ago. I wish I could remember my exact reaction to finding out they use the kids to get high. This time around, when 456 said “We need them for the hit” I just kind of rolled my head back slowly because I forgot that that was the way they worded it. “Let’s not forget, your government started this trade. You opened the market over 40 years ago.” I don’t like the American General anymore but he’s still right, and still better than the PM. Oh god we got the World Health Organization in on this too. Frobisher’s too smart. Frobisher really deserved better than being sucked into this. Better than having all of this on him. LOIS DESERVES BETTER TOO. I can’t remember if Torchwood gets her out of jail and gets her record cleared, but they better. Jack. Jack Jack Jack Jack Jack I hate everything I love you and I love that you love Gwen so much that you want her away from this but I hate everything that’s about to happen I hate everything and I hate Torchwood especially. I LITERALLY FORGOT GWEN’S EVEN PREGNANT AT THIS POINT. AND THEN I JUST REMEMBERED. Oh poor Lois. Also, I think this jail cell set is the same one from Small Worlds. I can’t breathe. I literally can’t breathe. This when PM tells Frobisher his kids will be taken, isn’t it? “Terrible day.” Understatement of the century, Frobisher.

I’d forgotten that his kids had been picked as a way to show the public it was all ok. The PM didn’t have to have his kids actually go through with being taken. He could have had them be given a flu shot in their home, or even in some other location after Frobisher lets them go off with the soldiers, and be like “look it’s just a shot.” BUT NO. HE TELLS FROBISHER TO HIS FACE “YOUR KIDS ARE GOING TO BE GIVEN TO THE 456 TO BE USED AS A DRUG.” IT COULD HAVE ALL BEEN FOR SHOW. BUT THIS EVIL PM IS LETTING THEM BE TAKEN. WHY? WHY?!?!?!?!? FROBISHER’S DONE NOTHING BUT BEEN LOYAL TO A FAULT. A HORRIBLE FAULT. BUT HE DID EVERYTHING HE WAS TOLD. AND YOU REPAY HIM BY TAKING AWAY HIS KIDS? AS A WAY TO REASSURE THE PUBLIC?

OOOOH IT’S SO “THE GOVERNMENT MUST BE SEEN AS A VICTIM OF THE 456.” HIS KIDS HAVE TO GO MISSING AND “DIE” TOO. SO 1/10TH OF ALL KIDS ARE TAKEN, BUT ONLY ONE GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL’S KIDS END UP BEING PICKED? OUT OF HUNDREDS OF GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS, OR AT LEAST THE 20 THAT WERE IN THE PLANNING ROOM, ONLY 1 HAS THEIR KID BE PART OF THE 10%? AND IT’S THE ONE GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL THAT ALL OF THIS BLAME IS BEING PUT ON IN THE FIRST PLACE? I HATE EVERYTHING.

“If you put me on camera, I will tell people the truth.” YES FROBISHER. I mean, I’m mad it took you specifically being affected to start fighting back, but at least you came around eventually. And you did kind of rebel just the tiniest little bit last episode in a subtle way. “But then your daughters would know where they’re going. Best not.” SO HE’D STILL FORCIBLY TAKE THEM FROM HIM. I HATE HE’S SO CALM. “I’m sorry John.” You’re not sorry at all. You’d let your own kids or grandkids be taken if you were truly sorry. “And I’m really very busy” OH. OH. SO NOW YOU’RE BUSY. YOU WEREN’T BUSY BEFORE WHEN YOU WERE MAKING FROBISHER DO ALL THE HARD STUFF. Andy. Andy my baby I want to cry I’m so happy to see him. Oh I guess Gwen’s trying to protect Andy’s family by not telling him, since the stupid American General said anyone who didn’t follow orders would have their kids picked. He doesn’t have kids, so I guess maybe any children in his family. “That’s what Torchwood does, you see. It ruins your life.” Truer words have never been spoken. The paparazzi. No. IT WAS BRIDGET WHO GOT HER OUT. I never hated Bridget. Sometimes she frustrated me, but I never was actually mad at her throughout this whole thing. I hope I wasn’t mad at her the first time... Oh god they filmed the girls going up the stairs through the front door window, like paparazzi.

God I’m like... shaking. I cannot describe the feeling, it’s not even shaking it’s different. I almost feel like I want to throw up. And Bridget already using “John Frobisher was a good man.” in the past tense. I had to pause and stretch to try to get the feeling to go away. Oh my god. It’s still there in my shoulders.

Never mind, Bridget doesn’t get her out. I still don’t hate Bridget though. Oooohh Rhiannon doesn’t know Gwen. Oh no. Do these soldiers know what they’re doing when they hand off the kids? Because the first time around, they got Jack to do it since they thought he wouldn’t care. But I guess the “you family will be picked” threat is what’s making them do it. This teacher fighting for the kids... my heart. God. I’m just an assistant dance teacher and work at an after school, but if they tried anything like this to my kids I’d fight tooth and nail. Wow I’m emotional. The boy running to his mom and being grabbed by a soldier. Wow. God just... Gwen probably treasured the moment where Ianto gave her a new wedding dress... and Rhiannon kind of took the memory away in her grief. “Then we better go and get them” AMERICAN GENERAL, I HATE YOU AND I HATE THAT YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ON THE PM’S LEVEL OF AWFULNESS. “He’ll be fine. The nice kids are safe.” THEY’RE ALL NICE. THERE ARE NICE KIDS AND BULLIES OF ALL LEVELS OF “VALUABLE” OR WHATEVER YOU GUYS ARE USING TO PICK THE KIDS. SO NO, NOT ALL THE NICE KIDS ARE SAFE. Oh god poor Lois again. My baby Andy. Deciding to help distract the guards and buy more time. I love Andy so much. Breaking into houses... why why why. My baby Andy. He should have kept on the armor since it’d protect him, but I understand the metaphor of him shedding his police uniform to fight the soldiers. Johnson, girl, I love you at this point since you’ve officially flipped sides and you were always awesome even when you were bad, but Dekker did not deserve to be shot. Gwen was holding the littlest girl while making the video. Oh god I hurt. Oh Rhys. 80% Ughhhhh whyyyyyy Oooooh Dekker. Dekker no. Dekker. No. No no no. I was remembering this as Jack’s idea. As something Jack thought of reluctantly. But no. It was Dekker. AND I SPENT THE ENTIRE SEASON SAYING HOW MUCH I LIKED YOU. I know you’re on our side, but it was easier to blame Jack for sacrificing his own grandson, a child that he has at least some sort of custody of. NOT YOU SUGGESTING SACRIFICING SOMEONE ELSE’S KID. AND HE LAUGHED ABOUT HIM “FRYING.” WHYYYYY. No background music while Alice screams “Steven.” I hurt. WHO IS THIS LADY WHO RATTED OUT WHERE THE KIDS WERE? I GOT SO CLOSE TO CRYING JUST NOW. IF THE SCENE OF THEM RUNNING LASTED 10 MORE SECONDS I WOULD HAVE BEEN SOBBING. THE MOST HORRIFYING AND UPSETTING SCENE IN TORCHWOOD. I FORGOT ABOUT ALL THE CHILDREN SHRIEKING. “We can say that today’s events were in American hands.” I. HATE. YOU. SO. MUCH. PRIME. MINISTER. OH MY GOD. YOU THINK OF NOTHING BESIDES SAVING YOURSELF. YES BRIDGET CALL HIM OUT. MY. GIRL. BRIDGET. YES. Ok Denise just because you’re a better person than the PM does not make you a good person. But thanks for looking out for my girl Lois. HIS VORTEX MANIPULATOR. I forgot that that could have gotten destroyed, I was focusing on his coat too much.

I hate Jack and his stupid habit of running off. Stop it. Please baby stop it.

Ok. Gotta get in a car for an hour. Will edit and add thoughts later.

Aaaaannnddd I’m back!

Children of Earth probably is Torchwood’s best season. But Season 2 is still my favorite season. But I appreciate Children of Earth so much more now since honestly over this last year or so sometimes I’d be like “Was Children of Earth REALLY that good? So good that everyone has to say Season 1 sucks and Season 2 is only ok?” and yeah COE is pretty fantastic, people aren’t exaggerating I just had blocked a lot of it out because it was so painful. I still love Season 2 more. But that’s because I’m biased and love Owen and Tosh too much.

God Ianto. Poor Ianto. And poor Rhiannon, losing her brother and then nearly losing her kids. Why why why must Torchwood kill all of my babies. All of my loves. Torchwood, STOP KILLING OFF MAIN CHARACTERS. And give Owen and Tosh shrines too.

Children of Earth is way too relevant right now with Trump’s zero tolerance policy separating families. Especially Day 4, that was hitting wayyyyyy too close to home. People always say that Children of Earth is so good because it’s exactly what would happen in that situation, and yeah after this month that’s pretty much confirmed. And the worst part is that you can’t even be completely mad at the people begging for their children not to be picked because we just naturally want to keep our families safe above everything else. It’s understandable, but still horrible. It’s selfishness but... almost not since it’s because you care for others? It’s just that the others that you care for are related to you. It’s such a complicated and messed up situation.

But the Prime Minister was just plain selfish. Not even motivated by his love for his children like the selfishness of other characters. He just wanted to keep his image clean. I hate him SO MUCH. I THINK I HATE HIM THE MOST OUT OF ALL THE CHARACTERS IN THE WHONIVERSE. Literally I cannot think of anyone else I hate more. Not even Daleks. Not even Cybermen Not even the Master since at least when the Master’s being evil they are also lovable. Or at least Simm!Master and Missy were lovably evil, I haven’t seen any Old Who episodes with the Master.

Lois Habiba. Girl deserves to be the new Prime Minister. Just, give her whatever job she wants. She’s so fantastic. I love her so much. She deserves everything. I’m glad Denise at least got her out of jail and pardoned.

Peter Capaldi. I cannot put into words. How much I love Peter Capaldi. He blew me away. I’ve told the story many many times, but it was mid-August, 2013, and everyone and their mother is being listed as a potential 12th Doctor. The announcement’s either a day or 2 days away, and I’m scrolling through tumblr and see someone say “Peter Capaldi’s name has popped up on a lot of lists of who could be the next Doctor.” and I got “Who’s Peter Capaldi? Why does that name ring a bell?” So I google him. And I see he was in Torchwood. I had just finished watching Torchwood barely 2 months earlier. So I go “HIM. I WANT HIM TO BE THE NEXT DOCTOR. PLEASE TELL ME IT’S GONNA BE HIM.” because he blew me completely away as Frobisher and I was sure he could blow me away as the Doctor. The day of the announcement comes, but I have to go to lunch with my grandpa and my step-uncle while it’s supposed to be airing. Right before we leave, I go to the bathroom and check my phone, and my tumblr has blown up with gifs of Peter Capaldi being revealed as the Twelfth Doctor. And I was so happy because I knew the Doctor was in good hands. And I loved Capaldi as the Doctor. He’s honestly my second favorite Doctor after Nine. Apparently, I love my Doctors to be a little grumpy. And Twelve was sooooooo grumpy and I loved it. And he was also so kind and caring. I loved every second of it. I loved everything about Twelve. I LOVED his guitar, I joked that Capaldi leaving was like a bad break up for me because in the days after Christmas, if I looked at a guitar I’d end up sobbing because it reminded me of Capaldi. I even loved the sunglasses that half the fandom hated, I thought they added to his older-Doctor-who’s-kind-of-punk-and-doesn’t-know-people-think-he’s-old thing that he had going for him. I thought they were perfect. And I loved that Twelve being a “good man” was an overarching theme for his run. I’m honestly still mad they didn’t acknowledge Frobisher in the show (and my ultimate dream was Jack coming back and seeing Twelve and FREAKING OUT thinking Frobisher was still alive) but I’m glad that the “good man” theme was probably definitely a little subtle reference to Frobisher.

John Frobisher was a good man. A good man in a very horrible situation. I hate that after all that, he not only died, he killed his family and himself. Because death was a better fate for his daughters than being drained as a drug for aliens. And he and his wife could never live without their daughters so he had to kill her and himself too. AND THEN IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING. BECAUSE JACK MANAGED TO SAVE THE WORLD IN THE END. FROBISHER DIED FOR NOTHING. HE KILLED HIS FAMILY FOR NOTHING. And the 3 quick shots, followed by one a few seconds later. Because he had to look at what he had done before he killed himself. Wow. TORCHWOOD HURTS ME SO MUCH. PETER CAPALDI, YOU ARE AMAZING. And finding out that the Frobishers dying was like Time’s way of correcting Caecillius’ family surviving Pompeii just completely RUINED ME. I think I literally felt my soul leave my body once I figured that out. And sure enough I looked into it and saw that RTD and Moffat confirmed it.

Jack killing Steven. I get why he did it. It was the only way to ensure that he would be the only one to suffer. Except, Alice had to suffer too. But it was the closest thing to Jack being the only victim of what he did to save all the other children. If he had picked another child it would have hurt that child’s family. Jack would rather he and his daughter be the only ones in pain. And Alice looking at him one last time before leaving forever. Wow. It hurts. I wish there had been another way.

Yep. So. That was a painful journey. I don’t know if I’ll watch Miracle Day. But yeah. That’s it for Children of Earth. Lois Habiba is the best. John Frobisher was a good man who deserved better.

OH GOD THAT WAS ONLY 5 DAYS FOR THEM. WHY IS THAT REALLY JUST NOW HITTING ME?!?!?!