#i will just assume no one is going to read/comment/like things and whatever happens outside of that

[cinewhore]

gonna start treating my works on here like A03 where i write them, send them off to war (upload them), tell them to be with god and forget about it immediately after.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Hi. Read you post about the dead three's chosen, and I was wondering about the "We got the threat of sexual exploitation (assuming it didn't happen), there's a subtle undercurrent of incest to some interactions" part. Is this something in the game that I missed? Is it a dnd lore thing?

I also looked through some older posts about Bhaal/Durge stuff, and... Jergal is ruthless and manipulative?! How bad is he? Like, what can a Durge who is free of Bhaal and may be protected by Jergal expect, both in life and afterlife? Are there no good options for Durge (except maybe becoming immortal)?

Also just wanna say thank you for all your dnd lore posts. I've mostly just played in homebrew games, so wotc dnd lore hasn't come up much, and I'm learning so much from your posts!

The good news about Jergal is that he has at least shifted from Lawful Evil to Lawful Neutral, so he's probably somewhat less of a jackass...? We hope. He also tends to prefer subtler manipulation, and seems to let people's own personalities steer them (because they'll take them where he wants them to go naturally); Bane in particular is his unwitting puppet, apparently, but Jergal hasn't directly pulled the strings at all yet, for whatever reason. Jergal's faithful usually 'live' in the City of Judgement on the fugue, or he has them as undead scribes working in his temples on Toril (I imagine it's the same paperwork whichever plane you're on). It's a quiet, but not terribly interesting existence. I doubt he's steal Durge from Bhaal to use as a scribe though. Usually if he needs a servant on the Prime Material plane for some task or other he sends them back as an undead of some kind if/when they die (he likes mummies, usually). He might also be manipulating them into becoming some kind of powerful outsider he can subtly puppet like the Dead Three, or Kelemvor, or Cyric... I really don't know.

(Also I think we're supposed to take Jergal being the 'good guy' at face value in-game.)

Durge could move planes to escape the divine shenanigans. The Dead Three in current times are bound to Toril, and Jergal cannot directly bother you in the city of Sigil at the centre of the universe (which all gods are forbidden to enter on pain of total annihilation courtesy of the Lady of Pain. He can send pawns to bother you, but can't go there or do anything himself.)

No problem. (Unsurprising; homebrew is much easier to manage. I can't imagine how people who are obsessed with the lore of multiple DnD settings cope.)

-

And Durge's other 'duty' as Bhaal's Chosen, and their extremely normal relationship with their father is going under a cut.

There's nothing in tabletop lore, past a disturbing Bhaalist spell ('attraction') that can cause love/lust in targets, which is built into Bhaal's avatars and manifestations; some gods having a tendency to sleep with their followers; and a comment from Ed Greenwood that many clergy encourage people to have kids (more people raised from birth within the church = more souls and power for the deity). Also apparently having a tattoo of a god's holy symbol is often a turn on for that god's priests... for some reason...

This stuff mostly comes from the BG3:

The exploitation:

Durge is expected to provide more Bhaalspawn for Bhaal's plans, and always has been. It's most obvious in the feral ending, where Bhaal destroys their mind and puppets them directly, but it's still on their to-do list if they keep his 'love' and become his Chosen:

Sarevok Anchev: 'You failed to bring forth issue while you helmed our cult. It is a mortal sin for a Chosen. I even hoped you and my daughter might one day create a new blood-lamb for us, but it is not to be...'

Durge: 'When I bring ruin to the world, will Bhaal allow me to spare my beloved?' Sceleritas: 'Of course Master! We will always need to sire more Bhaalspawn! Although if they are not up to the task we may need to find you a breeding-mate. Or ten.'

As with anything else in Durge's life, they have no say in Bhaal's intentions for them. They start that conversation off by asking permission to keep their lover and don't even get to respond to being told that they're expected to be breeding stock, probably with a wider range of 'partners'. Just silent acceptance.

The incest:

As ever I could be reading into this, but I'm not the only person who picked up on it so maybe not.

The most overt instances of this implication crops up in the original feral ending and the current, where Bhaal is subjecting Durge to constant rape by inflicting sexual hyperarousal on them and forcing them to have sex in order to breed an army of Bhaalspawn by cross-breeding them with various monsters... which they don't actually remember, because it's not the monsters they're thinking of during the act, where it's implied that Bhaal is forcing them to think of him:

*Your memory of last night's act is absent. In the moment of mounting, your mind emptied itself, and you could think only of Bhaal. The gnoll's rump seemed to become his Temple's graven altar where you once led worship.*

"Father, I love you. I'm a good spawn. A good little spawn."*

Alternatively: "a good boy/girl."

And in one of the Bhaalist religious texts you can find in game that describes how Bhaal basically gives his followers orgasms when they murder:

"Once Bhaal's favour has quickened within one oh his beloved murderers, the bliss of his love is nigh-indescribable. For he blesses his loyal with a new sensation: a mindless, instinctual, primal sensation that comes within the bowels, an erotic spasm that washes over the killer, in the moment of murder. It is said that in that instant, his Divine Essence can almost be tasted. Forsake all other hedonisms, acolytes, for nothing can compare. Until the true ecstasies of murder wash over you, initiates, this scroll contains a prayer, you may say after a kill, calling for the Lord's disgrace to find its course in your body."

The Urge - which is Bhaal as much as it's Durge- does/can cause sexual arousal, which indicates that Bhaal does do this to them or is at least inflicting his own 'pleasure' on them by experiencing the kills through them.

*Your body feels aroused imagining a broken twisted neck, and a thrill thinking of a trailing intestine.*

'I feel the most intense pleasure [when killing]. Arousal, even.'

*The masterful painting [Minthara] depicts of the massacre awakens you hungrily.* Durge: 'Stop! I'm growing aroused!' or Durge: 'How delightful, I'm very eager to begin.' Nightwarden Minthara: 'Control yourself - you are as uncouth as the goblins.'

Notably Minthara responds the same even if Durge doesn't flat out say it, so I'd assume they're having the same response to that 'hunger' regardless.

In the same area you find that text, if you become the 'Chosen' of the Redcap masquerading as Bhaal to the kuo-toa, you get this:

*Mad guilt swills in your swooning, sick body. Today you became the tart of a false God, and your evil pride revolts.*

'Tart' being the polite way of saying 'whore', which on its own might just be a poetic way of calling them unfaithful to their religion, but with the extra context is beginning to form a potential pattern. I don't know whether Durge is referring to themselves, or if it's Bhaal calling them that. Or which is worse.

Similarly, the dream where Bhaal summons you to the duel with Orin to become his Chosen is labelled 'BloodWedding'. Again, wedding has more than one meaning, but it's most common usage is of the marital kind, and *gestures at the context of the fuckery above helplessly*

And if you go through with the whole thing and accept Bhaal, Sceleritas will tell you this:

'You and the Urge are wedded, now. One body, one mind.'

Oh, and if you have a love interest they're your 'false bride.' Let's not ask who the real one is.

Also this is a possible dialogue option if you sleep with the drow guy at Sharess' Caress and is meant to be humorous, but apparently Durge does take their daddy issues into the bedroom:

Player: 'I'm a disappointment to my father. Maybe we can work with that.'

I feel like I've forgotten some parts, but that's the gist of it.

[acourtofthought]

People saying Gwyn and Az could not possibly be sexually compatible given Gwyn's past and because SJM once said in an interview that Az is "kinky" are forgetting a few things.

First, SJM hadn't even written the next ACOTAR book at that time. An offhand comment made to her friend while joking around is not the same thing as SJM sitting down, preparing to write the book and seeing where her character takes her, what feels like a fit for their personality, so basing what you think you know of Az off that is a reach.

Second, and this is not to sound snarky, but are those people confused on the meaning of kink? Kink is really anything outside of that which is considered vanilla, Rhys having sex with Feyre inside their minds would be considered kink.

There's a great big world of kink out there and the above is just a small list.

Do you know what's listed under M in the link?

M Is for Melolagnia

Melolagnia is a fetish that involves being turned on by music. This doesn’t simply mean having a go-to Spotify playlist when you have sex, but rather experiencing strong sexual reactions in response to music and also fantasizing about certain songs or genres. The arousal can derive from a combination of the musical elements including the singer’s voice

Do I think that's what SJM was referring to when she said Az was kinky? Probably not especially because that's considered a fetish more than a kink but she did address Az and Gwyn being singers so maybe that's his thing.

The point is we don't know what she meant by that comment, it could be any of a long list of things.

For all we know, Az himself likes being tied up as a way to take back his powerlessness while in the dungeon, a chance to control the narrative of what happened to him all those years ago.

The list of what she meant when she said that he was kinky is endless but I think some automatically assume Az is into whips and chains and there's nothing to suggest that. I think some fixate on him having the biggest wingspan, being "too much for Gwyn" while forgetting Feyre said that jokingly to Rhys with Rhys later remarking he was about to show the world who actually had the biggest wingspan.

Some try to elevate Az to some unholy sex god who could never be right for someone's official first time while ignoring what we actually know of Az.

For all that Az does to his enemies, think of how he is with the females he's around. He's gentle with Elain right? Gentle when he felt Feyre's wings. He has always been disturbed by the treatment his mother received and his treatment of women greatly contrasts that of how he acts with his enemies. For all we know, Az's kink is being a submissive.

But even if he isn't, we've got actual evidence proving Az would have no problem being gentle with Gwyn if that's what Gwyn wanted. Pairing her off with a random high lord she's never met because some assume he'd be better suited for her in the bedroom is???? I don't even know what to call that. Just because someone seems like a nice guy doesn't mean he's the same behind closed doors with a partner.

Lastly, why are people convinced that Elain would be into whatever Az's kink is? Elain slept with Graysen, her fiance a month before they were to be wed. To me that shows she was only willing to have an intimate relationship with him once they were prepared to make a lifelong commitment to one another. Also, wouldn't the better storyline for Elain be proving she's got no problems handling her mates fire?

Nearly kissing Az is not the same as sleeping with him so it seems a lot of assumptions are being made about both Elain and Gwyn in order to twist the outcome of a specific ship (surprise, surprise).

[menofchaos]

Coco

Part VI: His Eyes

Note: I’m not sure when I hit 1k followers but I wanna thank all of you from the bottom of my heart! Thank you for reading my stuff and loving these boys with me. In other news, I'm back with our favorite jailbird and her journey with our favorite sniper. If anyone wants more, please reblog, like, comment or let me know in my ask! I love hearing feedback on my stuff and talking about Coco ofc. Gif credit to the talented @thesewickedhands and divider credit to @spideyspeaches.

Part V

Coco,

I’m so sorry our visit got cut short. I was so fucking pissed. When I first got in here, I would cause trouble all the time. I don’t really have a life outside so I didn’t care if I got extra time. I haven’t really been rolling like that for a while because I’m fucking tired of doing time. I wanna drink and fuck and be outside. Do whatever I want, you know? But one of my bunkies allegedly got in a fight on the yard and the cops assumed I orchestrated it which is fucking stupid. They suspended my mail privileges “as a precaution.” Pendejos. You’re literally the only one I talk to. They just fuck with me when they can. We were just getting comfortable :( Hopefully those dickwads didn’t put you off to another visit? Or put you off me in general? I liked seeing you. Did you ever cut that girl off? How’s your daughter? I’m working on another tattoo for you. I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever and I don’t like it. 

Nyx

PS I miss those beautiful eyes

Nyx,

Ma I’m not gonna lie. I was worried. I’m glad you’re okay tho. COs are always shit. They definitely didn’t put me off you or another visit. I’ll check work tomorrow and let you know when I can come back. My first stint I felt the same way. No family who gives a fuck, friends who forget about you as soon as the cop car is around the block. When you get out, we’ll meet up and I’ll help you do all the things you missed. If you’re down. My kid is good, she thought it was so hilarious that I was worried. I don’t usually get worked up over women like that. I did cut the one chick off, sorta abandoned the whole roster now that I think about it. What are you drawing me now? I’m definitely missing watching you squirm from just looking at you. Be good so I can come back for a full visit.

Coco

PS and your drama ain’t a burden. I got you. 

Coco,

Your last letter made me feel more than my entire last relationship. Fuck. I’m good, I promise. All in one pretty little piece where you left me. Where do I even start? I believe you just offered to fuck me and the thought of your eyes during sex? I’m tingling. You were worried about me? Worked up about me? I have a feeling that doesn’t happen at all and that makes me happy. Because I don’t usually get attached easily either but I think I am. At least I feel it with you. I don’t wanna ruin this though, for once in my life. You’re saying all the right things which scares the shit out of me but in the way that makes me wanna keep going. Does that make sense? I might be rambling. I’m just happy that you’re still wanting to be around at all. You abandoned the roster?? How come? The new drawing is a surprise.

Nyx

PS you say that now. Wait till I fuck up.

Nyx,

You’re funny. Your ex really ain’t shit if one letter from me made you feel more than his whole time with you. But I like that. You really into my eyes baby? Cause I liked watching you. I’ll make you feel more than a tingle when I get my hands on you for real. You’re right, I don’t get attached. But you made a lot of sense because I felt like I was reading my own thoughts. I wanna be careful with this. With you. I’m not going anywhere. We just gotta go with it for now, see where it takes us. I got a brother who can teach you how to handle a tattoo machine if you wanna learn. Won’t treat you like a shitty apprentice or anything either. I checked my work schedule. Three weeks and I’ll be back. I promise. I didn’t abandon the roster on purpose. I guess I just got bored of them.

Coco

PS I fuck up too. So I get it.

Coco,

My ex definitely wasn’t shit. Storing my shit while I’m locked up is the nicest thing he ever did for me. Fuck, getting your hands on me? That’s what you’re gonna say to me? Remember tho, I told you no dude has ever got me off. I’m glad we’re on the same page about this. For once, it feels nice to give a fuck. Especially since I know you get me. I’ve always wanted to be a tattoo artist and learn how to tattoo the right way. I’ve done a few tattoos when I was locked up but that’s it. You don’t have to ask him if you don’t want to. I can figure something else out. THREE WEEKS?!!! :) I can’t wait. Can we hug this time? I wanna cop a feel ;)

Nyx

PS you always do.

Coco walked into the clubhouse, looking around quietly. Taza walked out from the bathroom, “Hermano,” he smiled, “You good?”

He nodded, “Yeah, man. You?”

Taza squeezed his shoulder, “All good. You looking for someone?”

“Hank?” he asked.

“He’s in the office,” Taza told him before heading to the bar.

Coco walked back outside, lighting a cigarette as he headed up to the office. When he opened the door, Hank was standing over Chucky’s shoulder with a stack of papers in his hand.

Chucky looked up and grinned, “Coco.”

Coco nodded, “Chucky. Hank.”

Hank glanced back at him through a pair of black rimmed glasses, “Bishop need me?”

“No, I uh…wanted to ask you something. Alone,” he added after a pause.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Hank said and turned his attention back to the computer.

Coco went back outside but stayed close to the building, hiding from the harsh sun. He listened to Hank and Chucky go back and forth, a fond smile on his face. The door pushed open to reveal Hank, glasses off and no papers.

“Sorry, this customer keeps calling in, wanting impossible shit. Next time he starts demanding, I’m telling him to deal or I’m gonna beat his ass,” he shook his head as he lit a cigarette, “What’s up?” 

“I just had a favor to ask,” Coco murmured, “I have this…friend. She’s a dope artist and she wants to learn to tattoo.”

Hank smiled, “Have her come in, I’ll teach her.”

Coco put out his cigarette, “She can’t yet. She’s uh…she’s serving time.”

“This the girl I keep hearing about from the other guys?” Hank asked, “Why you were so upset a while back?”

He glanced over Hank’s shoulder at Gilly and Angel, cracking jokes and fixing a bike together. He nodded, “Yeah, she wrote me again. She’s alright.”

Hank followed his gaze and looked back at Coco, “You like this girl?“

Coco was smiling before he realized it, “Yeah. I do.”

“Good for you,” he pat Coco’s back, “Bring her in when she gets out. Teach her everything I know.”

“Thanks man,” Coco smiled, “I appreciate it.”

Hank nodded and went back in the office.

Nyx,

Would you rather me hold your stuff? We can hug this visit. I wanna cop a feel too. I can’t wait to see you baby. I remember you telling me no guy has ever gotten you off, bet I’ll be the first. I’ll come pick you up when you get out. Get you some tequila, take you to a beach house and make you cum all night. Order room service for whatever food you want. Sound like a good first day? I did a few things and you’re probably not gonna like them because I know you don’t like asking for shit. But I did it anyway. My brother said he’s down to teach you to tattoo when you get out. I also put money on your books. Not a lot. Stop glaring at me, I can feel the dirty look from here. Trust me, it’s for a selfish reason.

Coco

PS I gotta head out of town for a minute so I probably won’t be able to respond to your next letter until after my next visit. 10 days.

Coco,

You did not just offer to hold my stuff for me. And you sent money! Why? You’re right, I don’t like asking for shit. I don’t deserve you. What’s the selfish reason? That description of a first day made my nipples hard. Can it be a private beach so we can spend the whole time naked? Also thank your brother for me. My bunkie and your brother (same one?) are planning on meeting when she gets out. She has way less time than me. I don’t think I could’ve waited that long, not with the way those eyes made me feel when I saw them the first time. Ride safe, come to the visit in one piece please. 

Nyx

PS you’ll get your new drawing at the visit! 5 days!!!

Coco felt much different as he went through the motions for their second visit. He knew her better. He knew she felt something too. Something more. He sat down at the table, his eyes trained on the door. They swung open and he leaned back when a different inmate walked in. He heard a loud laugh from around the corner and his heart skipped. He stood up as Nyx walked in, a huge smile on her face as she joked with the woman in front of her. Her eyes found his while she was being uncuffed and her face lit up even more. 

“There you are,” she rubbed her wrists as she walked over.

“You okay?” he asked, stumbling when she threw herself into his arms.

Coco pulled her into a tight hug, smiling softly when he felt her tremble. He rubbed her back and closed his eyes, holding her close until a CO called her name. She sat down and looked away, bringing a hand up to her eyes.

“You okay?” he asked again, a little softer as he took her hand. He felt remnants of tears on her fingers, still watching her intently.

“Even your concerned stare makes me feel squirmy,” she joked, squeezing his hand, “I’m okay. I’m happy to see you. How was your trip?”

He smiled softly, “Long, too hot. Boring. Missed you.”

Nyx pushed some loose hair out of her eyes, “I missed you too. Now tell me why you put money on my books.”

“Cause I want you to call me,” he smirked, “Don’t wanna just hear your voice when I can make it over here.”

“You’re a secret romantic,” Nyx grinned.

He held up a finger to his lips and winked. She laughed and reached into her pocket. She set a folded piece of paper on the table.

“For me?” he asked, glancing at a curious CO.

“The drawing, remember?” she murmured, “I finished it. I mean, this one’s not really a tattoo. I just…started thinking about you and this came out.”

“Really?” Coco took the paper, “Should I look now?”

She nodded, “I didn’t get to see your reaction to the first one.”

He let her hand go and unfolded the paper, his eyes wide. It was a drawing of the two of them, Nyx in a bikini, Coco in swim trunks. It looked like a photo from a beach day. He looked up to see her fidgeting nervously with her id bracelet.

“This is crazy, baby,” he murmured, “You did all this from memory?”

“Yeah,” she smiled softly, “I kinda guessed on your tattoos and shit since I’ve only seen you dressed. So far,” Coco smirked, “But yeah.”

“Good enough till we get a real one,” he smiled and folded it back up, “I love it,” he tried to play it cool but it felt like his heart was about to fly out of his chest.

Her eyes lit up, “Really?”

He nodded, “Hell yeah,” he put it in his shirt pocket, “Thank you.”

“It was inspired by your offer on my first day out,” she admitted, lacing their fingers together when he reached out again.

“Just let me know the date and I’ll be here,” he said, squeezing her hand.

“I still have a while to go,” she told him, “I get it if you don’t want to wait.”

Coco watched her body language change as she offered him an out. He tightened his grip on her hand, “Hey, what’d I say?” he murmured, “I got you. I’m not letting you rot in here. Not anymore.”

Nyx looked away before he saw the tears pooling in her eyes. He squeezed her hand again and she smiled uneasily.

“You gotta stop saying all the right things,” she joked.

“So I shouldn’t ask if you want me to hold your stuff again?” he smiled.

She laughed and wiped her eyes, “I can’t even help you move it, so no. It’ll be fine.”

He shook his head, “Nah, I didn’t ask for help. I don’t want him to pull some shit but if you don’t want to, I won’t.”

She frowned, “I just don’t wanna be a - “

“You aren’t a burden, baby,” he murmured, “I offered. And I got a team of brothers ready to help.”

“It would be nice to be done with him,” she admitted, “I just…what if something bad happens to us?”

Coco laced their fingers together, “I won’t take it out on your stuff, I swear,” he crossed his heart with his free hand.

Nyx smiled, “Cross your heart?”

“Hope to die,” he winked, grinning when she laughed.

Nyx,

Replaying the way you clung to me during our second hug. How you felt in my arms. It’s been a long time since I felt anything like this. I got all your stuff. I wish you could’ve seen his face when I rolled up 6 deep. He was pale as fuck. It was hilarious. It’s in my garage for now. My kid won’t stop making fun of me and my brothers aren’t any better. But you’re worth it ma. Gonna start coming up to see you more. I showed my kid the drawing, she loved it. She said she’s gonna ask you to draw for her too. Would you be cool if she wrote you too? You can say no if you want. I miss you.

Coco

PS I figured out why I abandoned the roster

[majaloveschris]

“Do I still like him? Yes. Would I still do so if this turned out to be real? Probably not.”

And that right there is why you can’t accept reality. You just gotta let him go, girl. It might hurt for a bit, but it will be so much better for you in the end. There are better things, actors and men out there.

It's bold of you guys to assume my whole life revolves around Chris, and letting him go would be the worst thing that could happen to me.

I say I think this is PR because I think it is. Period. Not because I "don't want to let him go" or because it would "hurt a little bit." Why do we act like this is some kind of breakup or whatever? It's not that deep.

I like him; I always liked the fragment of his personality he showed us. I watched some of his movies that I thought would be interesting to me. I saw his interviews, and that was it. I never really cared about his love life until Alba showed up. The only reason I came to Tumblr was because of that LV video and the argument that was going on under the post in the comments. And the reason why I made this blog was because, at the very beginning of this whole thing, I remember thinking I'd also like to talk about my opinion and about what I think. Or about his movies or projects I've seen. And I'm still here. But this is not my life and never was. I have a life outside of this, which is much more important than Tumblr. I have problems that are much more important than whether he is truly with Alba or not.

Would I be disappointed if this turned out to be real? Sure! But I wouldn't be crying about it, and it definitely wouldn't be world-ending. There are some movies I like of his that I'd still rewatch because I'm capable of telling the actors and their roles apart. Life goes on, and we all have one that we need to live. The same goes for me. His being together with her wouldn't have any effect on my personal life. I'd still have my family, my partner, and my friends. The same goes for everybody.

Yeah, one of the reasons I think this is PR is because I don't think he would date someone who seemingly embodies everything he's ever stood against. But this is one of the reasons, and the only one. The most important one is their behavior and how this whole "relationship" has been handled. I have tons of posts explaining why I think this is PR, and if you read those, you can see it's not about me wanting to think he doesn't like them.

But maybe it's time to let go of trying to convince people otherwise. Let them think about what they want, and have a healthy conversation with them about their different opinions if it's something that you are open to. If not, then let them be.

[crashingmeteor3]

MSM Breakout Stars Reaction

So this is my first time seeing a trailer/premiere or whatever it is for MSM since getting into the fandom (specifically Ethereal Workshop) and

I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling, everything was just so cool and I love it. So for this I decided to write my reactions to stuff and yeahhhh so I'm gonna write them here too.

Don't expect this to make much sense XD

Spoilers(?) below the cut!

Okay so seeing Ethereal Workshop at the beginning made me very excited, I love love love Ethereal Workshop. But honestly I had no idea what Vhenshun was doing at the beginning.

Also, the Down in the Workshop music in the background? My jaw dropped, MSMTubers like Ashvee and Treblestroke got me into MSM so hearing this was actually really cool! I've listened to DITW dozens of times by now and it's only been out for like a month?

Haha, Auglur facepalm funni, also Meebkin bonk funni.

Okay, so they've made some contraption thingie and plugged Nitebear into it. Amazing. I had no idea what was happening right now. But it's an SOS signal I think?

Hoola being what I assume is a DJ was also pretty epic, I didn't know what to expect here but it looked neat.

AND THEN THE ETHEREAL WORKSHOP MONSTERS SHOW UP? The squad is here let's goooo!!

What were Auglur, Piplash and Gaddzooks doing and why did it remind me of those inflatable guys that flop around when it's windy?

Poor Nitebear has only been here for like 10 seconds and they're already in the corner. Kind of relatable though.

Pentumbra doing what I think is the stick bug dance? Awesome sauce.

THE MEEBS ARE BEING TOSSED AROUND WHAT.

Vhenshun is escaping to... somewhere.

Oh wow what is that suspicious green stuff, doesn't look like it's from Flasque.

WHAILL HI WHAILL :D

(Yes Whaill is my favourite and the CILOTFNR (Character I latched onto for no reason.))

X'rt is in the disco ball, how the heck did they get there.

VHENSHUN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

Were those Omatones(?) next to Blarret??

Dang Gaddzooks and Rhysmuth going wild, although it's hard to tell when Rhysmuth is so Minecraft-coded and has no facial expressions.

Oh wow who is that, they look cool though. (Don't kill me for not knowing my MSM monsters I've only been here for a month)

NOW THEY'RE CROWD SURFING WHAT THE HECK

Okay, so Teeter is light enough to be carried by the Meebs, cool. Makes me wonder if it'd be the same for Tauter? This also makes me realise you only really see Tauter for one small scene when they first appear at the disco place thing.

POISON QUAD REVEAL!! It's like... A squid with duck feet? The top reminds me of bat wings kind of? I think it looks cool, especially the mouth. I have no idea what the thing at the back is though. I enjoy it when they experiment and make crazy-looking monsters like this, although I suppose that's the point of Ethereal Workshop!

And Vhenshun finally gets to see the sunset, which is an oddly nice moment. It got to escape the workshop for a little while and see such a small piece of the outside world.

But in the end, they do return back 'Home' (If I read the screen right) Which I suppose makes sense. The Workshop is their home.

So overall that was AMAZING. But also makes me wonder, does this make Down in the Workshop canon? I've seen multiple comments saying that but I'm not sure. It'd be cool if it was but it also raises questions.

But those can wait, this post is getting long. So thank you for those who read my rambles and reactions this far. You are awesome!

[bibliophileiz]

2023 in Books, Part 2

(posting a day late, oops)

This was a pretty great literary year for me. Even the books at the end of this list I enjoyed reading. I left out an anthology I read for class (Peach Pit is ... interesting) and a book of poetry written by someone I know, just because I don't know anything about poetry and don't want my personal feelings about the poet (she's great) to muddle it even further. I also already posted a separate list ranking the six children's/YA books I read. That still leaves thirty-one books to rank, though.

As usual, this is based entirely on personal preference/enjoyment and not necessarily on quality of writing or story. I reserve the right to change my mind about this ranking as soon as I post it because I am fickle like that. (Although I don't think I'm going to change my mind about my number 1 choice.) Here ya go.

31. The Ex Hex by Erin Sterling Dates Read: Dec. 12-13 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: A witch accidentally curses her ex-boyfriend, and by extension her small magical Georgia town. She and her ex have to lift the curse without falling in love (which of course they do anyway). One-sentence review: (directly from my GR review) Cute and witchy, just the thing to get you through finals week.

30. Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld Dates Read: April 28-May 7 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: A musician and comedy writer seem to hit it off when the musician guest stars on the comedy writer’s late-night show, only for the writer to blow it by assuming the musician is a shallow womanizer. A few years later, they rekindle their connection during pandemic lockdowns. One-sentence review: I liked the characters, but as usual Sittenfeld is more interested in commenting on whatever she saw on Twitter while she was writing this then she was on, like, writing a dramatic plot.

29. The Murder of Mr. Wickham by Claudia Gray Dates Read: Aug. 19-27 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: All of Jane Austen’s beloved couples (except the Tilneys), plus the Darcys’ son and the Tilneys’ daughter, attend a house party at the Knightleys’ where Mr. Wickham turns up and is immediately murdered. One-sentence review: This is what P.D. James’ Death Comes to Pemberley SHOULD have been.

28. Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus Dates Read: May 24-27 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: It’s the 1960s, and chemist Elizabeth Zott was kicked out of her Ph.D. program for reporting her supervisor for rape, and then loses her job after she becomes pregnant outside wedlock, and ends up starting her own STEM cooking show and some other stuff happens, look, I know you already read the reviews of this one. One-sentence review: It was fine, I just thought it was overrated.

27. The Paris Deception by Bryn Turnbull Dates Read: Aug. 23-Sept. 7 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: Two women immersed in the French art world in the 1930s and ‘40s defy their German occupiers by hiding, documenting, and sometimes copying “degenerate” art to keep it from the hands of high-ranking Nazi officials and sympathizers, or to keep it from being destroyed. One-sentence review:  The main characters were great and I really like the focus on protecting art and culture from extermination, but the constant time jumps drove me nuts.

26. Forever, Interrupted by Taylor Jenkins Reid Dates Read: April 3-5 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: Less than two weeks into her marriage, a young woman is widowed and only meets her mother-in-law at the hospital. The two strangers find a way to navigate their grief together. One-sentence review: While the grief could be gut-wrenching due to Reid’s fantastic writing, the characters were nothing spectacular.

25. Hell’s Half-Acre: The Untold Story of the Benders, America’s First Serial Killer Family by Susan Jonusas Dates Read: Jan. 29-31 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: The Benders were a creepy family in late 19th Century Kansas who murdered people who stayed at their boarding house and then disappeared before they could be arrested. One-sentence review: I’m not super into true crime—it has to be historical for me to even start it--but I did like the look at life in the Midwest.

24. Galatea by Madeline Miller Dates Read: Jan. 6 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: Madeline Miller retells the Pygmalion myth in a way that doesn’t suck. One-sentence review: Miller smartly skips the gender misery by making this a short story and then delivers an extremely satisfying ending.

23. My Sister, the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite Dates Read: July 26 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: Korede and Ayoola are sisters who fall for the same man. Ayoola is hot and a serial killer, and Korede is getting pretty tired of covering for her. One-sentence review: Despite (or perhaps because) all the characters are awful, this book STAYS with you, and I feel like it would be a blast to talk about in a drunken book club. Note: I listened to the audiobook and want to give narrator Adepero Oduye a shout out.

22. The Weaver and the Witch Queen by Genevieve Gornichec Dates Read: July 24-Aug. 17 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: Three friends in Medieval Scandinavia find themselves in the middle of a Game of Thrones-esque rivalry for the crown and a deadly battle between supernatural forces. One-sentence review: Good story and I liked the characters, but it moved too slowly sometimes.

21. The Wedding Dress Sewing Circle by Jennifer Ryan Dates Read: May 7-10 GoodReads Rating: Four stars (I was feeling more generous about Grace marrying Hugh than I am right now) Summary: A sewing circle in a small English village in the 1940s decide to pool their talents and resources to help English brides wear the perfect white gown to their weddings, clothing rations be damned. One-sentence review: Ryan excels at writing about women and civilians in wartime, and I would have ranked this so much higher if it hadn’t ended with the best character marrying the worst one.

20. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid Dates Read: Jan. 31-Feb. 8 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: Aging actress Evelyn Hugo (who is not Elizabeth Taylor, by which I mean she absolutely is Elizabeth Taylor) invites a young journalist to write her life story. One-sentence review: The plot was engaging and thought-provoking, but I never could decide how I felt about Evelyn.

19. A House with Good Bones by T. Kingfisher Dates Read: Oct. 28-Nov. 1 GoodReads Rating: Three stars Summary: An archaeologist visits her mother at the family home in North Carolina only to find that her grandmother’s ghost is haunting it. But how do you banish a ghost once you learn it’s keeping something far worse at bay? One-sentence review: Of all the haunted house books I read this year, this one was the worst, and yet it was still great.

19. To Swoon and to Spar by Martha Waters (That’s right, I ranked a trashy Regency romance above both Romantic Comedy AND Lessons in Chemistry) Dates Read: May 17-24 GoodReads Rating: Four stars (Objectively, this was too many, but I also don’t care.) Summary: When Viscount Penvale’s uncle promises to sell him back the family estate for a steal if Penvale marries his uncle’s ward Jane, Penvale reluctantly agrees. He and Jane make an agreement to leave each other alone, but Penvale didn’t expect to fall in love with her. Nor did he expect his family house to be haunted. One-sentence review: The Regency Vows series just keeps getting better, honestly.

17. A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson Dates Read: Aug. 31-Oct. 13 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: Humor writer Bill Bryson and his on-again-off-again friend Katz decide to hike the Appalachian Trail, and Bryson tells you all about its history and natural resources along the way. There are moose, but no (confirmed) bears. One-sentence review: This book got me really into nature and hiking again.

16. The Shining by Stephen King Dates Read: Dec. 1-4 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: I know you know what this book’s about. One-sentence review: Super tense, riveting look into the mind of a toxic, self-absorbed abuser who doesn’t need to be anywhere near blizzards, haunted houses, or children.

15. Carrie Soto Is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid Dates Read: July 12-23 GoodReads Rating: Five stars (Objectively, this book probably deserves that. Subjectively, I like Regency romances and journalists better than sports stars.) Summary: A retired tennis star full of rage and ambition makes a comeback to keep a younger player from breaking her record. One-sentence review: An absorbing, balanced take on the pressures women athletes face, plus a heart-warming father-daughter story, with some romance and female friendships to round it out.

14. Swamp Story by Dave Barry Dates Read: Dec. 30 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: There is actually too much going on to summarize this book, but suffice to say it involves a desperate single mom, her shirtless fame-hounding ex-boyfriend, a failed journalist with a drinking problem, and a lot of people in the Florida Everglades looking for a cryptid OR Confederate gold OR pythons. One-sentence review: Dave Barry writes about Florida like it’s a drunk, eccentric relative who everyone hangs around at the family reunion even though he smells bad, because he has the best stories.

13. Vampires of El Norte by Isabel Cañas Dates Read: Oct. 15-28 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: During the Mexican-American War, a Wuthering Heights-esque couple learn their homeland is being stalked by vampires. One-sentence review: You root for the couple, you root for the Mexicans, you even root for the vampires once or twice, but you never root for the Texas Rangers. Note: The couple is Wuthering Heights-esque in the sense that he is poor, she is rich, they were childhood sweethearts, and then they were separated—not in the toxic incest way.

12. A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall Dates Read: July 12-23 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: A trans woman believed to be dead at the Battle of Waterloo reinvents herself and returns home to England, only to find that her best friend has been consumed by grief over her death. As she helps him heal—and he slowly falls for her—she battles with whether to tell him who she really is. One-sentence review: I'm a sucker for love stories in which the couple are torn asunder, believe they will never see each other again, and then are reunited unexpectedly. Note: This actually would have ranked a lot higher if all the main couple’s angst wasn’t basically resolved in the first half. The second half is fine but not as good.

11. The Lover by Silvia Moreno-Garcia Dates Read: Dec. 26 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: A young woman must choose between two potential “lovers” who come from the woods in this dark fairy tale novella. One-sentence review: Finally, a good werewolf book.

10. The Dark Queens: The Bloody Rivalry That Forged the Medieval World by Shelley Puhak Dates Read: April 4-14 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: Puhak writes about the feud between rival Merovingian queens Fredegund and Brunhild in sixth century western Europe. One-sentence review: It’s like Game of Thrones, but real, shorter, and with more women and less sexual assault.

9. Lafayette in the Somewhat United States by Sarah Vowell Dates Read: Dec. 14-25 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: Vowell writes Lafayette’s biography, focusing on his and the larger French role in the American Revolution, all while musing on our country’s inability to agree on anything. One-sentence review: Vowell’s irreverent essay style is just the tone needed to tackle the oft-romanticized American Revolution.

8. The Hacienda by Isabel Cañas Dates Read: July 23-26 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: In the aftermath of the Mexican War for Independence, a young bride moves to her landed husband’s country estate, only to find that the house is super haunted and her new in-laws super racist. One-sentence review: Your standard haunted house story, except the ghost is colonialism.

7. Under the Whispering Door by T.J. Klune Dates Read: Oct. 29-31 GoodReads Rating: Five stars (was probably generous, but the ending had just made me cry, so) Summary: When workaholic Wallace dies, his spirit is sent to a teashop for transition to the afterlife. But after a few weeks of hanging around teashop owner and “ferryman” Hugo, his reaper, and the ghosts of Hugo’s dog and grandfather, Wallace realizes he doesn’t want to leave what he’s coming to think of as his family. One-sentence review: A lovely mixture of funny and sad, this book is a nuanced look at death and found family.

6. Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia Dates Read: Nov. 1-6 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: A debutante from Mexico City visits her cousin’s haunted house in the countryside where she’s pulled into a mystery surrounding her cousin’s eugenics-obsessed in-laws. One-sentence review: Noemi is a fantastic character, and the plot is engrossing, which is good because you will hate all the other characters.

5. Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer Dates Read: Aug. 9-29 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: In 1996, Outside magazine sent Jon Krakauer to cover the burgeoning commercialization of Mount Everest. When Krakauer climbed the mountain himself, he and his team got caught in a freak snowstorm that resulted in what was then the worst disaster in the history of the mountain. One-sentence review: Apart from being a really tense and riveting account of a brutal natural disaster in an already brutal environment, Krakauer’s account of the 1996 storm on Everest raises questions about who should be on the world’s highest mountain and whether money and fame have blinded guides and climbers to the risks of tackling the summit.

4. The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty Dates Read: Nov. 20-30 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: Amina al-Sirafi, a retired smuggler and single mom on the Arabian peninsula, has to get her old band crew back together for the promise of more money than they’ve ever dreamed of when wealthy grandmother hires Amina to rescue her kidnapped granddaughter. But things go awry when the crew learns the girl is with an evil crusader with plans to unleash dark magic and monsters on the world. Inspired by the rich mythology, religions, and history of the Middle East, East Africa, and the Indian Ocean. One-sentence review:  I have not had so much fun reading a fantasy novel since I was a kid reading Harry Potter and I can’t wait for the sequel.

3. Lone Women by Victor LaValle Dates Read: Oct. 5-12 GoodReads Rating: Four stars Summary: In the early 1900s, a woman burns her parents’ mangled bodies in their California farmhouse and flees to Montana with a secret locked in a heavy trunk. One-sentence review: Frankenstein meets Calamity Jane in this horror Western about race and female friendships.

2. We Could Be So Good by Cat Sebastian Dates Read: Oct. 28-Nov. 9 GoodReads Rating: Five stars Summary: Two men reporting for a progressive newspaper in 1950s New York fall in love. One-sentence review: I mean, it’s journalists in love in the 1950s, and one of them is investigating police corruption and the other covered a Civil Rights meeting in DC, so of course I loved this book.

1. The Correspondents: Six Women Writers on the Front Lines of World War II by Judith Mackrell Dates Read: Nov. 27-Dec. 26 (during finals and holidays with family—I don’t think I could have finished the book if it wasn’t so good) GoodReads Rating: Five stars Summary: Mackrell covers the WWII careers of six journalists—a correspondent in Berlin who ingratiated herself in the Nazi Party to tell America about Hitler’s plans for world domination; a photojournalist for Vogue who took pictures from the Blitz to Dachau; a young American whose coverage of both sides of the Spanish Civil War catapulted her to journalistic stardom; Martha Gellhorn whose fury at her husband (you’ve heard of him) compelled her to illegally stow away on board a hospital ship and cover the invasion of Normandy from Omaha Beach while helping wounded soldiers; a rogue freelancer who broke the story of the invasion of Poland and whose thrill-chasing career took her from there to Greece to North Africa and beyond; and Helen Kirkpatrick, who covered the liberation of Paris while Hemingway was getting plastered at the Ritz.

Review: There is too much to say about this book. Mackrell did an incredible job. These journalists’ triumphs and tragedies play out alongside the triumphs and tragedies of the world’s biggest conflict. Each woman had different motivations and goals, from thrill-seeking to career-making, from spite to idealism to simply a love of journalism and dogged search for the truth. While Sigrid Schultz’s Chicago editor applauded Hitler’s control of Germany, Sigrid warned his readers of Hitler’s ambition. When the world turned a blind eye to Hitler’s military build-up and annexation of half of Europe, Virginia Cowles and Helen Kirkpatrick wrote furiously against Chamberlain’s policy of appeasement. And while the rest of the world celebrated the end of the war in Europe, Lee Miller swept through Dachau taking pictures and refusing to ignore the human cost of fascism and war.

All of this was at great personal risk. The Nazis tapped Sigrid’s phone and searched her house until she was finally forced to flee to America in the early 1940s (where her editor promptly benched her for three and a half years). Virginia dodged bombs in Madrid, and Helen dodged bullets in Paris. And Lee Miller defiantly washed off the stink of Dachau in Hitler’s own bath, which was immortalized in a photo her equally defiant boyfriend took in the days after the Fuhrer’s death. Mackrell’s prose also gets into the nitty gritty of correspondent life, how the reporters all camped out in hotels and spent their days chasing stories and their nights drinking whiskey. She discusses the friendships and rivalries—Marth and Virginia became great friends in Spain and eventually wrote a play together satirizing the misogyny they faced during the war. And while the stars are the six I mentioned above, cameos include Mary Welch (Hemingway’s wife after Martha), Dorothy Thompson, Vogue editor Audrey Withers, and “Maggie the indestructible” who convinced an American commander to let her go on a bombing mission over North Africa, paving the way for other women correspondents on the front line after the US entered the war. Plus there are appearances from Picasso, both Randolph and Winston Churchill, Eleanor Roosevelt, Dwight Eisenhower, David Lloyd George, the Duke of Windsor after he abdicated, Hemingway of course, and half the Nazi high command. Mackrell uses the women’s own words to describe the bombing of Madrid, the mass evacuation from Paris, the refugee crises in Eastern Europe, and the Night of Long Knives in Germany. Every moment is riveting as Mackrell and the women she writes about pull you into Europe of the 1940s.

[anthroparis]

I'm going to continue this bit because honestly the way people are interacting with me is getting significantly more and more annoying.

thinking about tti occupies like, half an hour of my total day, and I didn't even think about it at all when there were no updates.

this blog represents a very tiny, insignificant part of my life and making judgments based off of how I post here is extremely weird. even making assumptions about me based on my main is weird!

I once had a complete stranger reblog one of my joke posts and literally tag it as "no offense op but I have learned everything I need to know about you as a person" like you guys realize why that mindset is extremely creepy and weird, right?

would you say those kinds of things in a conversation with a classmate? a cashier? a new coworker? a distant relative? no! you wouldn't, because that would come off as extremely invasive and stalker-y!

so when you send this blog weird jokes on anon, I can only assume they're jokes, because again, you might joke around with your friends about being homophobic but I don't with mine. so I can only guess that you're kidding and referencing an internet humor thing I don't understand because I'm an adult and don't really use social media anymore.

and what happens in these parasocial relationships you build with internet personas is that you put someone on a pedestal as this untouchable force, you start believing that you are entitled to their time and kindness when these people don't owe you anything. you crave their attention so badly you start sending them dumbass asks either kissing their ass or trying to provoke them because it makes you feel better about yourself, I guess?

but then when the person in question does something that catches you off guard, or that offends you, or that you just don't like, you feel betrayed and hurt, and you turn to attacking them or vagueing them or whatever it is.

this kind of behavior is what leads to these incredibly uncomfortable situations like what happened with mod courtney.

like when I was around 16 years old on an old personal account, I started receiving some pretty inflammatory comments getting mad about the way I was criticizing a piece of media I didn't like. eventually, over private message, a mutual IN HER 20'S admitted to sending them because she felt personally hurt that I was criticizing something she liked. this grown ass woman, who I had never had a conversation with before, had grown such an attachment to me that she took me not liking one of her interests as a personal attack. I was 16 years old and expected to be responsible for the emotions of an adult woman because I made her feel rejected.

this also goes the other way around btw like I have been idolized by minors and it makes me so uncomfortable. PLEASE be safer online, you have no idea who's going to turn out to be a terrible person.

anyway. just because someone is online does not mean it's okay to act like an asshole? I'm so sick of you freaks thinking it's all fine and good to be dickheads because it's words on a screen. you understand that you're talking to real people, right? they're probably reading your asks while taking a fat dump on their grandma's toilet. they have faces. people faces. and lives outside of the internet. and it's disturbing watching you treat other people like entertainment just because they post sometimes.

there's a certain threshold of time between following someone and becoming friends that you need to learn to be respectful during. it's perfectly okay to mess up sometimes and it's okay to feel upset when someone sets a boundary because of you. rejection sensitivity is hard, but expecting everyone else to cater to you instead of working on your internal reactions to perceived rejection and social slights is manipulative.

also purposefully sending people annoying asks to get a rise out of them really isn't funny. are you my five year old little brother now. are you going to sign off each anon with "problem, officer?" can you just call me fat like the good old days. can we just bring back rickrolling instead.

no tldr you read the post or you don't.

[sociallyawkwardseal]

Had a dream that I got an email about a comment on a fic; whenever I get emails, it shows me the little title that they have, so from AO3, they're like... "Comment on (ao3 title)". The one in this Dream Email was on a specific SBG fic I have.

Gonna put the rest under a cut because, initially I wasn't going to type out the full dream because I figured it would be kind of boring, but considering the reaction the people I already told was "What the fuck? What the fuck", well.

I noticed that the text for the preview was... Wrong and it weirded me out. I was just kind of like "...? That doesn't look right...? Did they change how these are sent out?"

And I opened my phone to see what the comment was. Very quickly, I started losing the ability to read; the letters of the AO3 email became jumbled, they would "dance" around and jitter, and eventually just fully glitch out until my phone went dark with the weird little restarting circle that it's been doing on and off for the past year or so at... Pretty much random. I swore and tapped at the back of my phone (as if that would do anything; it doesn't irl, why would it do anything in a dream?), and when I looked up, it was pitch black inside my house. My phone turned back on and I was greeted with the BSD layout I have--which was reassuring; it meant everything was normal. I checked my email, and the email itself was still there, but now it didn't have a title line to it, it was just the sender information, "Archive of Our Own".

I didn't reopen the email out of fear that it would cause my phone to crash again--I kind of desperately needed the light. Despite living next to a highway, everything outside was perfectly quiet. Both in my house and outside of it.

Which is weird. Because when you have the pets that I do, there isn't usually a quiet moment. Someone is always making some kind of sound. Even right now, one of my cats is just crunching on some food. Very audibly. Anyways. Yeah, so. Pure quiet? Incorrect. Uncomfortable.

And that's when I realized two things in my dream; 1) This is a dream 2) I was dreaming about the Otherside from Otherside Picnic (I assumed this because of the weird circumstances+the text on my phone getting messed up, though tbh lore-wise I shouldn't have even been able to read "Archive of Our Own" once my phone got back but what does that matter, it was a dream, I don't make the rules, my brain gets to do what it wants, and since most of my dreams are pretty lucid, I usually get to make decisions based on whatever environment it crafts for me), which I was reading right before bed. I was at a part where Sorawo had gotten back to the Mayoiga alone after one hell of a bus ride, and couldn't find any sign of anyone else--then she woke up and saw an Incorrect Toriko in her bed, and then it jumped to Runa.

Remembering the part I had been reading before going to sleep, I was like "Okay, then... Surely I'm at the Mayoiga? But like, the Mayoiga is where I live? What the hell. Would be a little funny if the Mayoiga in the thing were an American trailer park." and I kind of just sat there in the light of my phone. Thinking about what to do, how the Otherside in the series is implied to be impacted by the culture of those experiencing it, how it's impacted by the urban legends and stories that the person there had, and what this meant for my brain and the dream that it's conjured up. I mean. If I was going to just dream about Otherside Picnic, what could I do? I could encounter horrors beyond my comprehension, that'd be cool--but would they be like, the scary stories I grew up hearing, the ones I researched for fun, the creepypasta I read as a teenager (admittedly, I think it would have been a little funny to encounter Certain Creepypasta Entities in my dreams as an adult--I don't think that I would be able to stop myself from being like "Dude, you have No idea what happened. Do you know how excited I was as a kid for a movie about you? Yeah, that went to shit. Repeatedly. Sorry. Sucks for you."), would my brain just pull the experiences straight out of the novels (I haven't seen the anime or manga)...? Regardless, my thoughts would keep going back to one fact: I just couldn't look at the owner of the place. Which is a complex rule that I had to think over for god knows how long.

But I moved on from it and tried to figure out what percent my phone was at. I couldn't make out the numbers at the top of my screen, but thankfully it looked like it was pretty decently charged. So, I turned on my light and crawled out of my bed and set out to look around the place. I debated going outside to explore the full trailer park, but I kind of felt the dream "slipping", if that makes any sense? And reasoned that I would wake up before I had time to do that. Just the trailer itself would be enough.

I didn't even get that far, though. I just... Woke up. Before I could even leave the bedroom. Saaad. I wanted the Appalachian Otherside Picnic experience. It would've been fun!!! (<- Loves to experience The Horrors and has Little To No Fear involving them)

Anyways, the only reason I'm sharing this dream here is because it involved a fanfiction of mine/a comment (that doesn't exist and didn't exist in the dream either) being left on it.

[bthump]

This isn’t specifically about you and more about the anons, because I’ve noticed that you sometimes get requests to respond to meta posts other people make and something about that makes me a bit uncomfortable. Since your meta posts are widely liked by a big part of this community, it sometimes feels like you’re being kinda requested to „debunk“ other meta posts. Diversity in opinions is so important for a good fandom atmosphere and some of the anons you get seem to wanna stir up hostility and I don’t like it. Since I like some of your meta posts, but also find myself agreeing with other people, I just feel weird about this dynamic, you know? How do you feel about it?

I think that's a fair concern but honestly, I don't see it as inherently a problem. This might be my 00s internet bias here lol, but I tend to view meta on a public platform as fair game for response or external commentary - which includes my own posts. My meta is here to be read by anyone who wants to, and to provoke thought and discussion, and that's generally what I assume of others' meta as well.

Like I recognize that attitudes have changed in the era of mostly unmoderated spaces and reblogs and the lack of diverse comms with their own norms and discourse running rampant lol, and so it's often considered automatically rude to disagree with people now, but I think that can only extend so far. Like, I don't reblog posts just to disagree with them (unless they're a friend and I know they're cool with discussion) because I know it sucks when you keep getting notes from people who are liking or reblogging the take you disagree with, but I don't think that should mean not discussing other people's meta at all, as long as it's done respectfully of course.

And I understand why someone might want a second opinion on something they read. I think everyone should think for themselves and form their own opinions, and I completely agree that diversity of opinion is important in any fandom. But not everyone has confidence in their own analysis, or the learned skills for criticism, and I think it's reasonable to seek out other viewpoints and decide which seems most correct to you, or use them as boucing off points to figure out what you believe. I definitely don't want to be the only Berserk meta blog out there, and I'm more than happy to agree to disagree with most people. I'm not an authority on the story lol and people are free to agree or disagree with me however they see fit.

That said, I'm always a little wary about tone and intent, especially in Berserk fandom, because I'm not here to get into arguments and I try to make that clear. But I take most asks in good faith. Sometimes I might go a little too far with that lol, but honestly I'd rather come across as naive than hostile. If I found out that someone was trying to start a fight between me and someone else, or was using my posts to dunk on someone else, or if followers of mine took it as a cue to harass someone, I'd absolutely say something and stop answering those asks. (Hopefully we're all chill enough over here that this doesn't happen, btw. As far as I'm aware I've never incited anything like that and I've personally only ever seen fandom arguments started by people mad about Griffith fans existing, but tbf I also don't pay attention to whatever's happening outside of my dash.)

But yeah I don't think that's what's happening here, and I don't want to assume someone's trying to start shit unless there's clear evidence for that. Like in the last ask I got like this, the anon did specify that they agreed with the post they wanted me to comment on, and were just seeking more opinions/wondering what my own take was, and I think that's reasonable.

Idk, this is definitely one of those things where I know there are different valid opinions about etiquette. But I generally abide by the 'do unto others' rule, including here. I blog with the expectation that anyone can read what I write and agree or disagree, and that I might inspire other discussion. Sometimes I get nervous about being linked to notably hostile fan spaces, like the berserk reddit, but it has happened with virtually the same motivation as those anons (what do you guys think of this person's take?) and ultimately I'm fine with it, and even a little flattered.

All that said, at the end of the day I do think that it would be best for anyone who sends an ask referencing someone else's analysis to be specific about what they want to know, rather than a general 'what do you think of this?' question. Both because it shows why you're asking and what you're interested in and leaves less room for doubting your motivation, and because it makes it easier to answer.

[soulsxng]

"Our Voice of Truth...? I've heard of similar things, but without looking over what's written in the records you managed to salvage, I'll have a hard time narrowing it down. If I had heard that from anyone else, I might have assumed it was a deity, but given what else we know of him..."

"Tch. Please. I think Irazor more than showed that he doesn't care in the slightest for deities in general, let alone enough to actually speak of one in such a manner. Though...there definitely was something that was influencing him. I didn't see him too often, but when I did, there was a good deal of times that he would start talking to...something. I had assumed it was telepathic, but wasn't able to confirm it."

Though Eleare's comment was immediate, Niesal could tell by the way their gaze was still settled on the slowly growing wreckage of the facility they had been in not an hour before, that they were distracted. Worried after Darrow, no doubt...and deep in thought about the situation they'd been caught up in, to boot.

"We were, to a point...after all, look at what happened to Zahine when he tried to charm Irazor."

Enoch nodded toward the doctor in question, who sat in the grass a short distance away, being watched after by Io. Though he was listening, he appeared to still be somewhat dazed. Brows furrowing ever so slightly as if processing that his name had been brought up. Eno didn't wait for him to speak up; rather, he continued on to explain whatever theory he had come up with.

"His powers were effecting Irazor, after all. It wasn't until he was about to be overtaken by it, that whatever this Voice of Truth retaliated. Which suggests that, while telepathic, it wasn't the same as what you might normally imagine from such a thing. Instead, it may have been more that his mind was linked to that of another. When the influence from Zahine's powers becan to encroach on this being's own mind, it then chose to lash out."

"Or, it could be similar to what you said, Eleare. That it was more an influence, than anything. I know of a few different types that would reject that of another being-- like that of the Demon Princes, or Hell's Sins. There are also a good deal of Horrors whose influence effects their prey in such a manner."

The resulting silence was a heavy one, as each member of the group tried to sort through the scraps of information and speculation that they had managed to scrape together.

"I wish I was able to give you more insight, but...it really wasn't like anything I had ever experienced, or had even really heard of having happen before. It felt like...like there was something inside me. Not just my mind, but my whole body. Something rotten, or...corrupted. It's gone now, but I can feel...I can still feel--"

Zahine grimaces, and Io is quick to jump in, shaking his head. "Maybe this isn't the best thing for you to be focusing on, right now. You need to rest. So do the rest of us, I'm sure...once Aro and Baphomet come out, we should head out. Luvi and Nyl already went ahead with the few researchers we could grab when they tried to escape, but they're just holding them for now."

"Actually, I wholeheartedly agree. Especially with the Void being involved, this is most likely going to be a complicated matter. Outside of reading these notes, interrogating the researchers, looking through the rubble for anything else that can be found, there's a few other people that I want to speak with...Lerato included. I also want to have someone take a look at Zahine's mind, and Eleare's memories, just to make sure we don't overlook something."

Eleare looked like they were about to speak up, when a blast back toward the facility had the five of them looking up. Baphomet and Aro climbing up from the resulting rubble, and while the former looked completely unscathed, the latter was comparatively worse for wear-- and looking to still be in a horrible mood, as well.

"Fine. But at least give me some sort of warning before you decide to just drop by, Enoch. Preferably with the name of whoever it is you'll be bringing with you. Now if you'll excuse me...Aro! Let's go. You too, if you're coming, Nesa."

[spider-xan]

Wicksteed Murder anon here. I should have clarified, I was referring to chapter from The Invisible Man. I don't who thst other anon is.

No worries, and I apologize for being snappish and you unfortunately catching my grumpiness through no fault of your own!

Anyway, it's been a long time since I last read the Invisible Man, even though I've been meaning to re-read it for years, so I went and re-read just the Wicksteed Murder chapter - therefore, my preliminary thoughts are based on this one chapter and whatever else I remember about the rest of the book, so I might be missing important context that might make a difference in my reading.

So the impression I got is that Griffin grabbed the iron bar as a means of self defence rather than deliberating setting out to murder someone who isn't Kemp, but Griffin being impulsive as he is, he forgot that, you know, an iron bar floating in the air and moving in its own would look suspicious, even to someone with no knowledge of his existence; at some point, Wicksteed's attention was caught by this, and his curiosity got the better of him when he realized that smacking whatever it was got reactions, not unlike how people cruelly play around with insects; eventually, he cornered Griffin at the pit, maybe without a true awareness of what was going on, and Griffin, being impulsive and prone to anger, initially struck out in self defence and fear in a cornered animal sort of way that's understandable given everyone being out to get him, but got carried away as his rage took over; as for his crying later, it could be due to stress or remorse, but we don't know bc on the one hand, Griffin is definitely not a good person by any means, but at that point, I don't think he's a cold-blooded killer or a wanton murderer who gets off on brutally killing people either.

The chapter and the book in general is interesting bc we never actually get Griffin's point of view outside of him recounting his backstory, and even that is told through the eyes of someone else, I think, so what really happened at the pit and how Griffin felt about the killing (assuming he did it, but the evidence seems to point towards that he did and it's a matter of intent and motivation) is ultimately ambiguous; I think Wells was possibly commentating on the nature of second-hand accounts and the press as well by structuring the story as he did with a non-omniscient narrator.

Lastly, one thing that struck me that didn't the last time I read the book was how now that I've actually read Jekyll and Hyde, there are a lot of similarities between the Wicksteed and Carew murders, in how both Griffin and Hyde beat an older man to death with a stick undeservedly, which they later cry over, and in both cases, we first learn about the story from a second-hand report; of course, there are differences too, like how we later get Jekyll's perspective of the incident, Wicksteed was more provocative than Carew was, and Griffin was already a wanted man while Hyde wasn't yet, etc.; if I recall correctly, Wells described to his editor wanting the Invisible Man to be like a Jekyll and Hyde, possibly in the sense of being a short horror thriller, but who knows what he meant by that exactly.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

i get what you mean, and i say this without having read the comments so i can be completely wrong about this, but: isn't being frustrated with a character part of being immersed in a story?

generally speaking, when we watch something and the main character does something that seems stupid or that frustrates us we do react to it

or are people just commenting on your fics telling you they'll stop reading because the reader is stupid? because then surely that defeats the whole purpose of being immersed into something

to an extent I definitely understand what you mean

but there is a difference between like - saying that you are more big brained than a horror protagonist because you would find a good weapon and stab the bad guy instead of just hiding and crying

vs - what is happening in my comments

one - the comment I got this morning specifically was someone telling me that they literally flat out refuse to finish reading the fic on CHAPTER TWO (of six) because they think the reader character is mean, stupid, and a terrible mother (when the fact of her keeping her son away from Spencer is stated in the series summary. so if you didn't like that part, why the fuck did you even start reading the fucking fic?) - and they said that they didn't understand her 'reasoning' for doing so. I strategically waited to reveal her reasoning until Chapter Five. it's not my fault you're a rude, impatient reader, and you're gonna bitch about it in the comments instead of reading on (or instead of just clicking off/closing the fic. you don't have to tell me why you hated the fic and why you stopped reading. you can just stop reading it.)

two - if these people were actually immersed in the story, they would sympathize with reader character instead of continually calling her stupid. because I spell out her mental reasoning for the things that she does (which are emotionally based) - they just conflate stupidity with emotional based decisions, and so they keep calling her stupid for being emotional

the fic: "I don't want to be around my ex boyfriend Spencer because I resent him and because we have a yet unrevealed past conflict that makes me very angry at him. Also, I have no solid reasoning to believe that there is actually a serial killer after me and if I were to actually acknowledge that fact, it would be terrifying, so I don't want to face that terror. So instead, I will be in denial because denial is a much easier, comfortable emotion." (this is all clearly spelled out in the narration of the fic)

people in the comments: "she is SO STUPID. I trust and love Spencer because of outside sources and outside reasoning, so she should trust and love him and kiss him and believe whatever he says about the killer. she is SO DUMB for not doing so. DUMB BITCH. also she's mean to him for being angry because of their past yet unrevealed conflict. STUPID DUMB BITCH"

just because Spencer is your uwu blorbo doesn't mean that the reader character is automatically going to hug him and love him and suck his dick because that's not how CONFLICT GOES. when they first meet up again, he is the enemy in her story (and not even 100% the enemy - there is yearning and longing as well as anger).

if people were actually emotionally invested in the story, they would be questioning why she is so angry at Spencer (which yes, a lot of commenters did) - instead of just assuming that she's wrong and saying that Spencer can do no wrong.

and I also did go along with a trend in the show - because a lot of side characters in the show say that profiling is not 'real evidence', that it's not a real tool they can use to catch criminals - and when Spencer shows up at her door saying that she is being targeted by the killer, the profile is the only real 'evidence' that he has to speak on this. so she doesn't automatically believe him, because she doesn't think that this is enough evidence to support that

[wigglebox]

hello i am having thoughts TM

and yes, these are cockles thoughts, and yes it’ll probably get a little tinhatty, but i don’t care. we’re doing what we’re doing tonight, aren’t we?

anyway, first of all, a label doesn’t define a relationship. 

okay that’s out of the way. 

onto what i think it’s going on. 

i think... 

that in the course of his marriage and experimentation and all that, over the years, it's mostly been with another women, by vicki's own words in her book. it feels like that was the trend. [...] ETA: i have changed this sentence to take out indications in the book that he may have been with men. i typed it odd and realized i implied that. [...] idk if it ticked enough boxes for him. labels mean different things to different people personally when presented with them. 

time goes by, meets jackles. things hit off. a friend mentioned men in woods sounded tentative, and i agree, and i’m sure plenty of y’all felt that too. i am also one of those little monsters that thinks it’s about jackles, personally. 

like he did not intiate anyhting in that poem. something happened in that poem for it to be included at the end of that section of love, especially when the first poem in that section is about someone else making, i assumed vicki, happier than misha made her feel. i’m free for different interpretations on that, since i’m admittedly not that great with poetry lol.

so the last poem to me, MIW, is about someone who makes him feel happy.

but god as my witness i don't think he thinks a a few trysts as part of a threesome or whatever with a dude over the course of his marriage and then one relationship that's really deep in several kinds of ways with one other man is enough to convince misha he's anything but straight with some fluidity thrown in there.

i think he's been opening up more, however. i and a lot of others, maybe you reading this was thinking that too. that cas and pride month post, wearing pride merch outside of pride month etc etc. 

one thing from his thread that stood out to me was this 

i think he needs to talk about it. Or wants to talk about it even. last week, or so, there was an article published by Natalie Fisher. in there she talked about that little cas essay thing that we always hoped he’d publish. in there he said this:

so i don’t think he thinks he’s queer enough to get a queer label or talk in these spaces. 

before I go on, i just want to preface this by saying i do respect where he wants to land. if he says he’s something, by golly i’ll salute and say ‘yes sir’ because it’s his life and that’s what he wants. but straight doesn’t mean the frat bro down the road who has a massive pick up truck and will constantly tell you that it’s only boobs babes and beer in his brain. like that’s not everything. 

there’s a no mans land between what someone can perceive bisexuality or pansexuality to mean, and what they perceive straight to be. i don’t know his definitions. i don’t know how he looks at these things. but we know he’s been kissed by another man, been on a camping trip with them, skinny dipped in a ‘shallow stream’. we also know his other little quips over the years that have indicated more or less why we thought he’d land in Queerland USA. 

clearly that didn’t happen. and personally, and i’m not saying this to invalidate him, but personally i think what he needed is to talk to people about this. idk maybe he’s doing it IRL and we’re naturally not privvy to it. but again, i go back to this part of his tweet

and how he brought up even bisexuality in a little comment about being introverted or extroverted. he didn’t have to do that. and he didn’t have to make the other comments too. 

i think he wants to discuss it, or wanted to. 

but his quip [adhd is a curse] flew too close to the sun. i absolutely do not think the media would have picked up on it if we weren’t parading it around everywhere. but i also fault the media as well, publishing these articles about him without speaking with him, even getting facts wrong about his personal life. everyone has skin in this horribile game so we may as well own up to it. there’s no different between a reporter assuming what his words meant, and us assuming what his words meant. 

so again, i do think that he wanted to talk about it but it’s been a hard conversation to have. 

and now idk if we’ll ever get it. 

the press got ahold of it and once it hit people magazine, i think this is what happened [warning, tinfoil on!]:

1) he now realized he couldn’t really talk about it anymore. 

2) i truly think those articles were a little scary and was getting out of hand. the articles named his children and his ex wife. he has to make sure they’re okay. his kids are getting older, they’re online now. idk if they have twitter or anything but peers may, and peers may see his name trending and click on it wondering what’s going on. protect the family. 

3) any confirmation that he considers himself slightly off the path of straight now opens up people to pry into his private life. you know what’s just beneath the surface of ‘is misha bi????’

cockles shit. you don’t think the press can find this stuff? someone posted about them living together after that tweet last summer, based off of information they had received [which, unrelated but slightly related, very not cool at all wtf]. you don’t think a journalist won’t find misha’s poly comments? his wife’s book? dig up old gossip on jensen of all people? and i bring him up especially because that man has already had gossip columnists accusing him of being gay since early in his career. there were gossip blogs claiming j2 were a thing so much — why would misha want him to go through that again? takes maybe a night of digging through things and receipts. we documented that shit well. 

so that leads me to 

4) protect friends, but especially jensen. like okay again, very VERY tinhatty, but if we’re taking an objective eye to this, it’s clear that even if they’re just friends, they’re pretty damn good friends. with all the jokes over the years, all of our own receipts and speculation, all of the past context a journalist needs to dig up rumors that jensen is, once again, ~*gaaay! oooohhh!!!*~ that’s not great news. 

and from there that’s how Dee gets roped into it, that’s how THEIR kids get roped into it. they’ve had to deal with these allegations before, and they’re pretty private as a family. don’t want to drag people through that. 

so

if misha decided to yoink a label that he didn’t feel comfortable yoinking in the first place, but decided to yoink a queer label without meaningful discussions with people about his sexuality, like he clearly has on his mind, then that would have opened up family, friends, family OF the friends, his whole life up, others’ whole lives up...

and we know what hollywood does to men when this happens. 

no, i don’t think misha intentionally sabotaged himself in the name of cockles or whatever, but i do think this is a multi-faceted thing. 

he’s straight, by his own definition. but it still doesn’t feel like the whole story. and all we can really do is just keep holding hands with him and hope one day there are things he can tell us.

[godbirdart]

can confirm twitter is basically pre-2018 tumblr hell right now and it’s why i’ve been heavily leaning away from it as of recent

this is based on my personal corner, but over the years it’s gone from a [remotely] humble platform filled with aspiring artists just trying to vibe, to a cluttered hellscape of callout posts, drama, with a light sprinkling of unrelated perfectly fine fandom art. it feels like i see at least one callout near-daily for things ranging from petty art theft to actual accounts of abuse and you’re almost Expected to react to it no matter if it merits the reaction or not

people i’ve followed for years who used to just vibe and post cute art or photos are now ALWAYS involved in the comments section of something that had nothing to do with them to begin with, as if they have to prove “hey look how nonproblematic i am!” and it’s... really uncomfortable to see. i’ve watched people tear creators with huge followings apart over very literal baseless callouts then smugly gossip about them all over my timeline, as if they were WAITING for the person to slip up. shit’s fucked.

twitter has reached a point where if you follow a person who got called out, and you weren’t there for the great unfolding of events to get the memo, YOU YOURSELF may now be considered a shitty person simply by following them still. twitter shows you if people you follow follow a person on the person’s profile, and if you haven’t checked your twitter app in a hot minute, it’s possible you’re going to get a passive aggressive “uhhh hey you’re still following them :/” ping, as if other people have any kind of say as to who you follow to begin with

in a strange way you almost feel obligated to post a “hey i don’t agree with [xyz content]” in your bio or pinned tweet or whatever, and not solely just because you’re against those things but because if you DON’T post that, people may assume otherwise about you if you just so happen to interact with the wrong person. i know this isn’t exclusively a twitter thing, but it feels Especially bad on twitter

i’ve had people forward me callout posts, and while i’ll still read them [because yeah some posts can be merited], i always ask the person who sent it: what’d they do? is it recent? are they harming people? are they trying to be better? and i’ve been met with “oh i didn’t read it” or “how can you defend them?!?” or “oh so you think [xyz thing] is okay??” and i just

i fucking Just

maybe i’m just old now but after years of having drama after drama hitting my timeline, being expected to react to every little thing with the same level of outrage, i’m so tired. twitter has numbed me to a point where i say: if it’s not recent or related to present behavior + actions, not someone i know personally, not harming irl people or animals, and the person in question has either long since stopped doing the thing or is actively trying to be better, i do not fucking care. do not send me that shit. go away, go outside maybe

[youknowwhoiamassbutt]

Norman Osborn’s many different abuse tactics

I’ve watched quite a few Spiderman things in my lifetime, not as much as many, but a fair amount.  Every single time I watch something with Norman Osborn in relation to Harry Osborn, I notice a pattern of abuse.  It isn’t a consistent pattern, because Norman’s character and motivations shift and change as all comic characters do, but the pattern is still there.  The pattern is that Norman Osborn, implicitly or explicitly, is abusive to his son.  

Norman’s abuse presents in different ways depending on the story and his development, which means each version is a correct representation of the character, whether it’s our interpretation or not.  I’m not here to explain why one version is more accurate than another, or here to call out his character arc in any particular instance as right or wrong. I’m simply here to talk about the aspects of Norman’s abusive behaviors that I have noticed and liked to see in the media I have seen him in.  

It might sound odd that I love watching a character (Harry Osborn) go through similar trauma’s that I have gone through, but I do.  There are probably many complicated reasons as to why I’m this way, but I have a feeling I don’t need to explain myself to any Harry Osborn fans that feel intrigued to read this, as they probably feel the same.

Full disclosure: the type of parental abuse I experienced was Narcissistic abuse, which means, there was a lot of *gaslighting*, manipulation, and verbal abuse (there will be a terminology glossary at the end).  This means that I am drawn to the more narcissistic versions of Norman, as I understand that type of abuse, and it helps me relate to Harry on a deep level.

One last disclaimer:  I may misremember a few details here and there when talking about these shows and movies, so please forgive me.  I don’t have time to sift through every scene just to get everything exactly right.  As long as I’ve got the basic gist, I think we’re good.

Raimiverse (spoilers ahead!)

The first depiction of Norman Osborn that I ever saw was in the Raimi trilogy.  There are quite a few pieces of emotional *neglect* and verbal abuse that were sprinkled in to those movies.  First of all, Norman blatantly favors Peter, Harry even acknowledges that in the first 40 minutes of the first film.  When Peter meets Norman outside of the museum, he tells Harry how amazing his father is. Harry makes an offhand comment about Norman only appreciating geniuses.  

During the thanksgiving scene, we see Norman angrily storm out.  Harry quickly follows behind him.  They have an argument about Mary Jane and Harry’s mother.  While there isn’t much to pull from this scene’s dialogue, there is a lot to say from Harry���s non-verbal reactions.  Harry sticks up for MJ as much as he feels he can, which, isn’t very much (which is sucky).  The fact that Harry doesn’t feel comfortable to say anything more than “You’re wrong about her, dad” lets us see that they have probably been in worse altercations. Harry keeps his voice level and calm at all times.  He tries to keep the conversation from escalating while still sticking up for himself and his girlfriend.

The Goblin’s first attack, shows us how little Norman really cared for Harry.  He attacks the ledge that Harry and MJ resided on overlooking whatever event/parade was going on (I was never quite sure what was happening right then).  He shows a disregard for Harry’s safety here.  He throws deadly weapons right next to his son.

Later in the trilogy, in the third one to be exact, Emo-Pete/Venom-Peter has a fight with Harry.  He tells Harry how much of a disappointment he was to Norman and how little Norman actually loved him.  This rings true.  While we didn’t get to see much of it due to (I’m assuming) the writers intentions to make Norman a sympathetic villain, the words would not have been uttered if there wasn’t a grain of truth to them.  We don’t see Norman neglect Harry’s emotional needs, we don’t see Norman verbally berate him over his grades or his life choices, but we don’t need to see it.  If you’ve experienced abuse, you will have already spotted it.

What I really enjoyed about the dynamic in these films, was that we saw Peter, a complete stranger to Norman before the museum, become Norman’s *golden child*.  We see how Norman would have preferred Peter to be his son, and we see how much Peter looks up to him as a father figure.  Because of Peter an Norman’s dynamic, Peter implicitly gaslights Harry.  He sees nothing wrong with their relationship, because he’s blinded by his own want for a father figure.  Peter only sees the version of Norman that Norman presents to him, and he accepts that presentation without question.

The Amazing Spiderman (spoilers ahead!)

In the Amazing Spiderman 2, we are introduced to Harry and Norman in the same scene.  Norman is on his death bed when he informs Harry that his disease is hereditary.  He seems to find glee in watching his son realize his impending doom.

There wasn’t much there in terms of Norman Osborn, so there isn’t much to talk about. Obviously, Norman never really cared to have Harry, as the moment he became difficult to care for (after Emily, Harry’s mother, died) he shipped Harry away to another country.  The detachment to his son shows us just how emotionally neglectful Norman was.  

Ultimate Spider-man (spoilers ahead!)

Ultimate Spiderman is my second favorite depiction of Norman Osborn to date, but it also frustrates me the most.  The show focuses less on Norman’s abuse and more on the impact it’s had on Harry.  This is fine, I love that!  We’ll get to why it frustrates me later (if you’ve seen the show, you probably know where I’m going with this).

First of all, Norman places an immense amount of value on Harry’s grades, and he rewards good performance with his attention. This is a problem because Harry never lives up to Norman’s expectations.  Now, I don’t believe that Norman was intended to be abusive in this show, but that’s exactly what he was.  If Harry didn’t meet his expectations, Norman would pay him no mind. He wasn’t worth Norman’s attention or energy if he couldn’t provide Norman pride.  Harry struggled with his grades, he had little interest in athletics, and he had no unique talent, therefor, he was worthless to Norman.

In a flashback to the time Harry and Peter became friends, we see the Raimiverse pattern reemerge.  Harry and Norman give Peter a ride when his bike is broken down by the side of the road.  Norman makes a comment on Harry’s grades in comparison to Peter’s.  Harry passively complains to Norman that he wishes Norman would stop micromanaging his life.  Peter, of course, sees only what he wants to see.  Peter is blinded by his desire for a father figure.  Peter steps in where he doesn’t belong, and he sides with Norman.  He tells Harry that he thinks it’s great that he has a father who cares so much.  He gaslights him.  Peter’s words reinforce the ideas that Norman had established, the ideas that he is a good father trying his best, and Harry is just misunderstanding and being insensitive to Norman’s situation as a busy single father.  

I love seeing that dynamic, the one where Norman favors Peter, and Peter accidentally gaslights Harry.  It’s one of my favorite versions of these characters, because it’s so relevant to real-life situations.  

When Harry is infected with Venom, we really see the extent of the damage Norman’s neglect has caused him.  He lashes out and continuously tries to attack Norman. When Harry realizes that there’s something wrong, that he can’t control the symbiote, he goes to his father for help. Norman immediately shuts Harry down. He tells Harry that he doesn’t have time for his teenage drama.  He brushes Harry off when he’s told that it’s not about Harry’s grades improving.  This is when Harry lashes out and tries to kill Norman.  

Obviously, Norman is Harry’s father, so, in this stage of Harry’s life, he still loves his father and simply wants the attention and care that every child deserves from their parent.  Once Peter helps Harry “purge” Venom, Harry continues to try and chase Norman’s approval.  Peter even states that Harry is always searching for Norman’s approval, but that he’ll never get it.

For the longest time, the only time we see Norman proud of Harry, is when Harry is Venom.  When Harry is an uncontrollable weapon that Norman designed.  When Harry is no longer Harry.  Norman prefers his son as a dangerous killing machine to be used however Norman pleases, rather than the human he helped raise.  

We see a lot of emotional neglect.  Norman frequently neglects Harry’s emotional needs, however, he provides him with money for his other needs.  This only makes children of abuse more confused.  Clearly Norman cares for Harry if he’s keeping up with his basic needs, and even spending lavishly for his son to have entertainment, right?  No.  He’s not a present presence in Harry’s life, which leads to Harry being fairly isolated when MJ and Peter aren’t around.

One of my favorite lines in the show is “I just wanted to make you proud.  But since that’ll never happen, I’ll just make you go away.”  This is really where we see the full extent of Harry’s pain.  This is where we see how much Norman has affected his life negatively.

A moment that ties into why I get so mad at this show is in the same exact episode as the line above.  Harry had just rescued Peter from Carnage by taking the Venom symbiote out of his friend and he faced his father with the help of Spiderman.  The battle was about to be over,  Harry and Peter were about to be safe, when Norman takes Harry.  He says that they have unfinished business.  So, out of spite that Harry tried to kill him, Norman tries to take his revenge, by dropping Harry from a large building, Gwen Stacey style. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love this scene and I’m so glad they put it in here.  But…now I can talk about why this show frustrates me.  

In my opinion, from dealing with abuse and researching it for probably around 6 years of my life, they should have kept their relationship at that level, or escalated it.  There should be no coming back from that.  A disregard of someone’s life or a blatant murder attempt is not something you can work through.  Ultimate Spiderman let me down the moment they started Norman’s redemption arc. Having an abuser in a kids tv show change for the better, in my opinion, can be very damaging.  A common lie that children of abuse tell themselves is “If I loved my parent more, if I showed them how hurt their actions make me. Their love for me will win out and they will change.  If I work hard enough, my parent will love me enough to not hurt me anymore.”  By giving Norman a redemption arc, the show reinforces this very dangerous lie.  

Marvel’s Spiderman (2017-2020) (spoilers ahead!)

This is my absolute favorite version of Norman Osborn.  He is so accurate!  The show focuses on Norman’s abuse, rather than Harry’s response.  As apposed to the neglect Norman showed Harry in the other versions of his character, he micromanages Harry and manipulates his son’s life behind the scenes.  

The show starts off slow, only showing us snippets with ominous camera angles and suspenseful music.  We’re supposed to feel unease around Norman, but we don’t yet have the information to figure out why.  He is framed above Harry and Peter, he towers over them, a looming threat.  This is a way to show us that he holds the power in these scenes.  Harry is meant to look small and weak against him.  

As the show progresses, we quickly see more interactions with Harry and Norman.  A perfect scene is one where Harry is preparing for his return to school party at Horizon High.  His father calls him into his office to speak with him.  Norman starts with manipulative questions designed to guilt Harry.  He tells Harry that he never believed Harry to be at fault for the mishap that caused Harry’s suspension from Horizon high.  This is incredibly nefarious when we learn later that Norman had orchestrated that suspension to get his son into the school he wanted to build, so that he could use his son’s suspension as a reason to build the school, and therefore, provide him with even more ammunition against Harry.  Harry tells his father that he knows Norman believes in his innocence.  We watch Harry’s body language change throughout this scene.  The moment it becomes clear what type of conversation this is, Harry avoids Norman’s eye contact for as long as possible, until Norman crouches in front of him.  Norman takes Harry’s bowtie off, and replaces it with his own.  A gesture that could be taken as innocent and even sweet, but it could also be taken as an exertion of power and ownership.  Norman tries to control Harry’s life so closely, that Harry’s bowtie isn’t even good enough.  

Norman tries to convince Harry to stay at Oz academy, Harry explains that he wants to make a name for himself, independent of Norman’s legacy.  Norman gets upset by this and grabs Harry’s shoulders in a threatening manner.  We see that Harry is scared by this from the expression on his face and the way his body tenses.  Norman warns Harry that he will never be able to escape the name Norman provides.  Harry backs away from Norman to “check his tie in the mirror”  but we all know he just doesn’t want to look directly at Norman, but he needs the safety that knowing where Norman is provides him.  We watch Harry watch Norman through the mirror for the rest of the interaction.  Harry’s body language throughout all of his interactions with Norman, prove that he has been dealing with abuse his entire life.  We often see him go into a *trauma response* when interacting with Norman. He keeps himself fairly still, he avoids eye contact to prevent a challenge, and he keeps his voice steady and calm to avoid escalation.  

Eventually, after spider island, right when you think they’re about to make the same mistake Ultimate Spiderman did and give Norman a redemption arc, Harry strays from the path Norman had envisioned for him, Harry is booted from being the golden child.  While in Ultimate Spiderman, when Harry and Norman’s relationship is at it’s worst, Harry is the *invisible child*.  In MSM, Harry becomes the *scapegoat*.  Norman takes matters into his own hands when Harry no longer wishes to believe Norman’s manipulations.  

Norman gaslights Harry into believing that he has been attacking Spiderman.  He uses his son’s ill health to convince Harry that he’s going insane and trying to murder his best friend.  He goes as far as to dress Harry in his Hobgoblin gear and place him on the floor to convince his unconscious son that he is doing what Norman wanted him to do.

Once Harry figures out that Norman is the person framing him, everything comes to a head.  There’s a battle in which Harry chooses Peter over Norman.  Norman angrily shouts to Harry “You’ve failed me, and deserve what you’ve wrought.”  We can assume from the look on Norman’s face that he was willing to kill Harry if necessary. There is an explosion which Norman is caught in, and Harry and Peter get away.  

I love this scene, and specifically that sentence within the context of the whole story.  The season, and their relationship is ended on such a violent note, and yet…when they bring Norman back in season 3, Disney XD doesn’t shy away from this. They pick things up right where they left off.  Norman is still just as angry and heartless as he was when he “died”.  

I must say though, my favorite part of the entire show is that Harry not only got to live out a revenge fantasy by accidentally killing his father, but he also got to have a healthy ending, where he cut Norman out of his life and can try to move on and heal away from the influence of his abuser, and without the need for punishment as justice.  

In the finale for these two, Peter introduces Harry as the one person Norman always underestimated.  And I think Peter couldn’t have been more right.                      

  To gaslight: To make an individual or group question their perceived reality.  It is often used by abusers to make their victims feel insane and therefore their feelings unjustified.  An individual can be gaslighted by one or more people.  Societal gaslighting happens when others outside of the abusive system reinforce the false reality an abuser has established, further forcing the victim into that false reality.

Golden child:  a golden child is the child of an abuser that “can do no wrong”.  This is the child that the parent/parents proudly present to others and shower with attention and praise.  It is important to recognize that the type of attention a golden child receives is not the fulfilling kind.  A golden child receives attention for their outward accomplishments, the things that look good to others.  They have high expectations placed upon them.  In some family systems, the title of golden child can be given and taken away at a moment’s notice.  It can bounce between children depending on who the most outwardly impressive child is at the moment.  Or, a golden child can be a permanent golden child.  The child that gets away with everything and can truly do no wrong.

Invisible child: The invisible child is the child that is often overlooked in abusive familial systems.  The name is pretty self-explanatory.  They are not as scrutinized as either the golden child or the scapegoat.  They get away with more things than the scapegoat, but they don’t receive the amount of attention or praise that the golden child does, infact, they tend to receive none.  The invisible child is the forgotten child.

Scapegoat:  A scapegoat is a child that is blamed for everything.  If something goes wrong, it is blamed on the scapegoat.  The scapegoat is always in trouble and often picked on by the abuser to instigate a fight that will eventually be blamed on the scapegoat.  The scapegoat is the punching bag of the family system and is often labelled as a problem child, no matter how docile or pleasant that child truly is.

Neglect:  It is important to remember that neglect is not just physical.  A parent can provide for the financial and basic needs of a child, much like Norman does, but still be emotionally absent from that child’s life.  Emotional absence is considered neglect, and it is considered a form of abuse.  

Trauma response:  An automatic response the body/brain have to a situation that reminds the person of past trauma.  A trauma response is different than PTSD.  They can be mild behaviors that one does not notice, such as freezing and making oneself as small as possible (trying to go invisible if you will) because they’ve been taught that engaging makes the situation worse. It is any unconscious, learned response to a triggering situation.