#i will be suffering over here tho

[queerhoodies]

seeing all those pictures from the young royals fan event and i want to kill myself

[soapysudz]

Posting a close up just because :D

[ra-vio]

Miguuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

[phantomsies]

getting all the education/degrees I can and planning so I can get the fuck out of this country >>>>

[sabu123098]

I'm thinking of writing a fanfiction where Violet does not get hurt at Resson and Liam and Soleil are alive. . .

Or one where Violet, Xaden and the rest don't go to Resson at all . . .

[plumdale]

the way I have to pioneer every group project because I need the sense of control that it’s being done correctly although I can’t think of anything worse than leadership. so… that’s contradictory of me 😖

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[faaun]

pls i need to provide updates

[spoondoodles]

Do you see my vision yet?

[ccasey0]

OKAY. I did it. @thr-333 i finally did it. i made your lil guy. AND i gave him lore.

but before i show you i want you to see the mass amounts of concept sketches i came up with cuz i couldnt figure this guy out for the life of me.

haha this went in so many different directions. i wanted him to look young, but any time i drew him like that he looked weird. so i tried a teenager. that just looked terrible. eventually i got it right tho :)

oke, lore time! i gave this boi trauma so brace yourselves! also, imma try to make it mostly as a fic cuz i wanna see if i can actually write like that. oh, btw for context go here :)

The altar was beautiful. A tiny hut with no front wall. a large cork board on the back wall with pretty charms hanging from it. and a solid stone table in the center with lavender growing around the edges and corners. it would have been a wonderful sight.....if it wasn't Tommy's final resting place. two large men in black robes and masks covering their faces ushered Tommy forward. His hands were bound, and he was too weak to get away. the men shoved him to his knees, their hands gripping his shoulders hard and mercilessly. the priest stood behind him, speaking out to the crowd. nobody seemed to care that Tommy was just a child who didn't want to be here. he knew he would die one day. but he expected it to be from starvation or some sort of sickness from living on the streets. not like this. not as a sacrifice for some stupid Moon God. The priest finished his speech. shit. Tommy struggled against the ropes. please. i don't want to die. let me go. i know i wasn't good. just please don't kill me. i wont do anything bad again. i promise. please. don't kill me. i don't want to die. tears ran down his face, as he tried to plead with the people all staring at him. words failed him. he couldn't speak. suddenly his whole body went numb with shock as the priest poured a bowl of freezing cold water over his head. the man chanted some words in a strange language as Tommy coughed and tried to reorient himself. he opened his eyes and looked up, trying to see the priests face and plead with him. all he saw was the dagger coming down on his head. the world went silent. time seemed to slow down as the blade reached the space between Tommy's wide, teared up eyes. blood splattered onto the stone floor below them. people cheered, all chanting the same words the priest had spoken. Tommy fell limp. he was dead. his body slumped and flopped onto the ground. the priest picked him up, raising his dead body up for everyone to see. he then laid him down on the altar. saying a prayer and then turning back to the people to preach to them again.

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the two stars frantically tried to tell their story to Casey. two farmer stars. Casey had no idea what either of them were trying to say, as they were both talking over each other. He raised up his hands, gesturing for the two to stop and back up. "okay, okay, slow down. uh, you." he pointed to the one on the right. "what happened?" the star began to recite what she had seen. a boy. dead on an altar built by an obsessive cult village. the small star finished her story and casey folded his arms. "well shit. both of you stay here. tell the others what happened and have Ally and May meet me at the Tree Shrine." There were a few stars that Casey knew the names of. but that's only because they usually followed him around everywhere they could. Casey then looked up at the small owl sitting on his head. he sighed, already dreading the convrsation he and his sister were going to have in the future. "go tell Dellta." the small owl, Abby, nodded slightly and flew away. Casey then held his hand out over the blackness under his feet. he was standing on the barrier between the Night and the Mortal World. a hole formed below him and he fell through, the other side leading to the woods surrounding the Cult Village. he looked around. it was dark out. Casey's time. the Nighttime. perfect. he walked through the forest, moss and mushrooms growing everywhere he stepped. it was cloudy tonight. the moon wasn't out. Casey moved quickly, just a blur through the trees to anyone who might see him. finally, he reached the altar. it was built up on a short cliff, and casey was at the bottom behind it. he jumped up to it, the wind blowing carrying him upward so he could land on top of the structure. he then hopped down to the stone floor below, drifting slowly until his feet reached the cold surface. he turned to see the boy. there he was, laying dead on the glossy stone table. a small incense fire had been lit on his chest and had already begun to burn him. Casey immediately brushed it off of the child, putting out the fire and dusting away the ashes. he stare down and the boy, whose face still had blood stains running down from between his eyes and splatters all over his skin. Casey brushed the hair away from his forehead. he then wiped off some of the blood with his thumb and pressed it to his forehead, painting the mark of the Night. Casey whispered the same words Celestial had spoken when they made Casey and Dellta spirits. the mark glowed and turned from blood to a permanent tattoo on the child. Casey then carefully lifted the boy up in his arms, holding him gently and making his way back to the spirit tree.

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The boy opened his eyes slightly. everything was blurry and way too bright, and he had a horrible ache in his head. his gaze drifted upward as he tried to figure out who was holding him. his vision was still too poor to see them clearly. whoever it was, they seemed gentle. and their hands were very cold. their figure was dark, although their eyes seemed to be glowing yellow. the child tried to speak, but he couldn't even open his mouth. all that came out was a muffled "mmmm....mfff..." The figure slowed down for a second, looking down at him. "ah. you're awake. don't worry, Konton. you're safe now." their voice was tired and draggy, yet somehow warm in a strange way. wait...Konton? is that....my name? Konton. I like it. Chaos in japanese. wait, how do i know that? i don't speak japanese? what is going on?? The boy- Konton squinted his eyes to look at the person holding him. fur, ears, four eyes. what the fuck?? his vision was ever so slowly coming back to him....and his memory. he hadn't even thought of trying to remember what happened until now. it came in flashes. the men. the altar. the water. the knife. He didn't even realize he was crying until the person stopped next to a tree and set him down. the knelt down, reaching forward and brushing a tear off Konton's cheek. "hey. you're okay. no one will hurt you now. but i need you to listen to me for a bit, can you do that?" Konton nodded, bracing himself for whatever this strange person had to say. judging by their face, it was going to be long story.

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To be continued..

Holy shit that took forever. Fics are very time consuming. hope you guys liked it tho! please tell me if ya'll want more of this! i know i should work some more on posting HBT, but the Spirit Au is just so much fun! this kid was originally just a lil guy i made for @thr-333, but i liked him enough to make him canon, just like the stars! also, @allyheart707 @kitmay05 and @icequeenabby have all been included in this as their stars! sorry to the other stars, i just felt like these guys would fit best for the roles i had for them.

also! i was doobling the other day and made this :D

onii mask cuz why not? it's not a canon mask, i was just messing around :) that side profile looks like shit lol. but if you look closely you can see the scar from the incense fire on his chest. Konton doesnt remember the fire since it happened while he was dead. although he remembers everything else about his life except for names. even his. he can remember faces, but no names whatsoever. not even pets.

there is a lot more story to this and i might even continue it if y'all are interested. i also have a funky lil comic cooking in the background that i definitely haven't been procrastinating all weekend haha why would you ever think that :D

[shiawasekai]

give me strength because today is editing day

[mathias-wanabe]

Decided to go back to reading jash fics again

Since I’ve last checked… there have only been only 2 new fics

Two…

Only TWO new gw fics…since AUGUST 14…

AT THIS POINT IMA HAVE TO START WRITING MY OWN GODS BE DAMNED😭😭😭

[bodymachine]

the disgusting way israel is like ‘it’s not our fault that we bombed so many homes and hospitals bc we had to do it bc hamas is hiding under there.’ and ‘we’re not committing genocide bc we decided at one point during this…whatever-you-call-it to let civilians evacuate. now since we’re displacing people we can continue destroying everything they rely on for survival…in peace.’ and ‘we were so fucking shaken by that day where over 1,000 people were killed so can you really blame us for killing over 23,000 people over the course of 100 days? and thank youuu for choosing not to see all the oppression we did over the last 75 years. clearly if anything it’s hamas that’s doing genocide.’ like. and you believe that?!!? it’s so bad it’s so so so so so so bad that people are nodding along and sympathizing with this stuff. i’m genuinely so confused as to how people can be swayed by any claim or argument made by israel.

[nexus-nebulae]

why does my youtube recommended always tend towards videos of people talking about terrible things that they hate. i want to watch people talk about things they like

[mimiatmidnight]

Will you be commenting on the Taylor drama?

I love the way this was worded, like I'm one of the siblings on Succession and the press has cornered me outside my penthouse to ask if I'll be releasing a statement on my family's latest scandal. Hehehe anyways.

Sorry but I just don't understand how anyone is shocked. Truly what has that woman ever done to successfully convince people that this is out of character for her. Like I don't want to diminish anyone's pain or anything but I see all these stans on here and over on Twitter in all this distress, having their very first epiphanies like "Hold on . . . does Taylor . . . suck??" And I kinda just have to chuckle at them cause like bless your hearts babes, but omg catch UP 😭

Lol because 1) she is a severely emotionally stunted person who thinks edgy British "bad boys" are hot like she's 12 years old, 2) she has no true deeply-held moral principles outside of issues that directly affect herself, and 3) truthfully, she seems to be suffering from a serious crisis of identity after the end of the longest and most significant romantic relationship of her life, and in my opinion is pretty clearly desperate to prove something to the world/her ex/herself.

The first reason is cringe but not news to longtime viewers, the second reason is pathetic but also not news (to those who can be honest with themselves), and the third is . . . understandable in some sense, but not pitiable enough to make me willing to humor this insufferable little episode she's having. I wish her luck on this humiliating rebound journey, but she is gonna have to walk that road on her own.

Normally, I always roll my eyes when people make these kinds of jokes, but given the circumstances I feel justified in saying: I can't wait to hear the breakup song about him, sis 🤡

[afniel]

God damn I'm tired and extra dizzy today, which I've figured out some of why that happens. Evidently that's my reaction to overstimulation fatigue. Good to know, explains a lot. No idea what to do about it and I did expect to have some sucky days after going to San Francisco anyway so it's whatever, but it's nice to have figured out a specific trigger.

Except that's cool and all but I almost couldn't fold laundry today because it involved a lot of looking up and down and that was unnecessarily rough. This was after sleeping like 11 hours because my shit-ass tired-ass brain demanded a hard reboot more or less, and I'm still kind of gross today even so. Kind of glad they rescheduled the root canal I was gonna have Tuesday for like two weeks out, because I am probably not gonna be quite recovered for another week at least and dental work fucks me up also so that would have been an Everything Hurty Syndrome 2x Combo.

Bleh. At least when I'm writing chronic illness/disability it's some own voices legit type ass shit, but does it have to be, because I could do without this. My whole me hurts and nothing seems to help and also turning my head too fast will knock me the hell over. Good times. ✌️😔