#i will always be very very anti- makeup

[iceyrukia]

anti-makeup long rambling under the cut

Whenever even some rfs or GCs try to downplay the bad effects that wearing makeup has on women's psyche and just say it's bad because women are forced to wear it but otherwise it wouldn't be harmful (and they cite like human history of humans decorating each other) I can't help but disagree because I think there is something distinctly damaging about painting over your facial features.

Your face is something that gives of strong indicators of human emotion, people look at your face so the slightest clue in how to read you, it gives people first impressions of you as a person and to always have a "beautified" version on display, whether for art or sex appeal inevitably makes the "neutral" bare-face seem like an inferior downgrade. Your "bare" face suddenly becomes undecorated or a blank canvas when it shouldn't be. The term "bareface" even existing without question from many women proves it, even if some women do in fact walk around makeup-less and it's not actually that uncommon.

Not to mention makeup is used to express something and it's not always a good thing because humans use items and beauty standards as class signifiers - and painting your face is one of them....Which is why I don't think that even if we (by whatever miracle) get to a point where woman are never pressured to wear it -whatever that tangibly means - it would still be damaging because it will ALWAYS be remembered in HISTORY and we will see these images of women as beauty standards to emulate as they are symbolic and are inherently tied to some form of beautification. The damage is already done and individual women are bound to like their "makeup face" better so I don't think there is any way it won't be damaging. Even a non-male influenced version would cause harm as even in this current patriarchy women are enablers (gotta be honest) and invent new forms of competition via appearances. Men have very little complexes about "barefaces" (it's not even a concept to them) because they is NOTHING to compare their "bare" faces to in the first place. Young boys do not have an absurd right of passages where they feel the need to become "men" (and bloom into these sexual beings via appearances) like young girls transitioning into women go through. The libfem "expressing my sexuality" via wearing hyper-sexualized clothing (and other aesthetic modifiers) mentality is a perfect example of how women pick up appearance as an expression of sexuality, something men aren't socialized to do or perform. So saying makeup is harmless is pretty shortsighted IMO as it will delve into something women are tacitly pressured via trends to participate in - the only thing that changes is male control of these social pressures.

I just think women are better off not messing with their faces to enhance features and shouldn't be common practice PERIOD.

[rotzaprachim]

minx is interesting. It’s interesting and it’s interested in things in a way that I find a lot of current media about feminism not to be. There’s an active interest into poking into some of the uncomfortable areas without simple conclusions when it comes to how feminism should relate to sex and the market/capitalism.

also really appreciate the unapologetic 70’s ness and the use of 70’s events, catchwords, buzz etc in a way that doesn’t always feel tee hee

[chekovsphaser]

My hair has started coming in wavy again (it does this every couple of years hormone changes or smth idk) but it's just at the roots and since I am growing out my hair rn I went looking for how I could even it out (either wavify the whole thing or straighten it). And uh. People don't really use all those products right? I feel like I'm reading some high level alien chemistry homework. However stupid wavy roots and straight ends look I think it beats spending all that money time and effort. idk maybe I am just lazy.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

big question. i'm cis (afab) and my gf is trans (amab) and i'm sorta having a hard time reconciling something. i've been a hard line feminist since i was about 8, by 12 i was a practical library on everything and anything womens lib. i'm spending a lot more time around trans people especially my gf now and i'm sorta struggling to reconcile the trans experience with my feminism. like- i'll see trans women being like "i hate my body :(" "my voice is awful" "i need [x thing to try to pass] ugh" and like my first thought is always "NO! THATS HOW THEY FUCKING GET YOU!!! THE PATRIARCHY WANTS YOU TO HATE YOURSELF SO YOU ENSLAVE YOURSELF TO CAPITALISM AND LIVE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF NEED FOR NEW PRODUCTS TO WARD OFF THE EVER PRESENT SELF HATRED BROUGHT ON YOU BY SOCIETY" and they go "well then how do i pass/transition?" and i honestly don't know and i also don't know how far it goes before its no longer dysphoria but instead the intentional subjugation of women by patriarchy for profit. i wanna help my fellow ladies but i honestly don't know how to like- apply the feminism i was taught as a child to trans women and i want to learn as soon as possible so that i can start doing it like yesterday

hi there,

I'll be honest: if it feels hard to apply the feminism you learned as a kid to your trans friends, that's probably because the feminism you were taught didn't have trans woman in mind.

luckily, the answer to this is something that I consider to be feminism 101: what a woman does with her body is, ultimately, her fucking business.

listen: I agree with you that the beauty industry(TM) is evil. it's misogynistic, it's exploitative, it thrives by making women feel bad enough about themselves to make them spend money on shit they don't need, etc. we all know this.

now, having said that: women who like makeup or wear heels or get laser hair removal or whatever other asinine thing are not my oppressor, nor are they my enemy. dare I say, we have bigger problems.

we also need to consider that many trans women are coming to these choices from a VERY different place than many cis women are. while I think my fellow cis women really benefit from reminders that they're allowed to stop shaving or wearing eyeliner or dieting or whatever, that's because most of us have had those actions forced on us from very young ages and may genuinely need a hand to feel secure breaking out of those behaviors.

the majority of trans women are not coming from a background where they were encouraged to partake in the same personal grooming habits and modes of presentation as cis women; many of them have, in fact, been ostracized, bullied, threatened, and otherwise hurt because of forays into forms of presentation that are considered feminine. no matter how good your intentions may be, approaching your advice indelicately can, unfortunately, make you come across as no different than any transphobe on the street trying to enforce cisnormative societal expectations. it also must be said that, for many trans women, the ability to "pass" is a matter of security - for having their status as women recognized at all, and to avoid harassment and abuse in public spaces. if you live in America, like I do, politicians in power currently have an extremely explicit anti-trans agenda that can make it harrowing to be visible as a trans person, and trans women in particular are frequently targeted for violence.

there are absolutely critiques to be made the way the many trans women are expected to perform hyperfemininity. the notion that someone is duty bound to drastically change their appearance in order to transition at all is itself extremely rooted in cisnormativity, and "passing" is often contingent on being young, thin, able-bodied, reasonably wealthy, and hewing as closely to Eurocentric standards of beauty as possible. that's not awesome! but that's also not the fault of any individual; no trans person asked to be born into a world where gender norms are so narrow and failing to pass can come with a very real risk of physical danger.

also, if I can circle back to this: again, women who participate in aspects of the beauty industry are not our enemies. there are always going to be some number of women who enjoy doing their makeup or like spending time fussing over their little outfits or want breast implants or whatever. some of those women are going to be trans. my official feminist stance on this is that I don't give a shit, because I believe in bodily autonomy even when it involves things I would not do personally and the choices that individual women make about how they want to style their little meat body don't even crack the top 100 things that I'm worried about right now. it's actually kind of vitally important, politically, that trans people be able to safely pursue their preferred gender expression; while it's not particularly revolutionary for a cis woman to go outside all dolled up, whether a trans woman can do that safely is a pretty basic litmus test for how safe a given space is for queer people. it's a ridiculously low bar, and many places will still fail to clear it.

so, yeah, I don't know, dude. be there to talk to your trans girlies if they want to start unpacking some of the pressure they feel to conform to a very rigid idea of womanhood, but whether or not they can walk down the street in your neighborhood safely is a WAY bigger issue than whether they decide to do voice training or not.

if you really want to cut to the root of the insecurity and vulnerability that the beauty industry thrives on exploiting, your time is much better spent working to ensure the trans women in your life feel safe and supported and have a community where they can find support regardless of how they look.

necessary disclaimer I'm a cis girl, any transfemme folks please share your voice here and feel free to clap my ass if I've said something out of line.

[michelle-is-writing]

Prom Night, Eddie Munson

Word Count: 1.2k~

Dustin loved hearing Eddie Munson’s stories. He had countless stories about anything and everything, none of which were ever boring. In his mind, Dustin could only hope he’d be as cool as Eddie with his guitar and never ending knowledge over dungeons and dragons one day. Because of his love for the man, Dustin imagined how prom must’ve been for Eddie, and with one question, he got Eddie to recall the entire night.

“How was prom for you?”

Eddie had been putting off anything that involved prom. He didn’t even care to look at suits or ties as he had already decided he wasn’t going to go. He didn’t have a girlfriend, and the girl whom he wanted to go to prom with was way out of his league, according to him. She was his best friend, and everyone knew that, but they also saw the longing look he had in his eyes every time he looked at her. Eddie felt like he loved her like no other - but how could he tell her that?

The day of the prom, most of the girls were absent toward the end of the day as they were all allowed to leave early to get ready. However, there was one girl Eddie was surprised to see still at the school. As much as he loved spending time with her, he questioned her as to why she was still there and not using the time the school had surprisingly allowed them.

“Why not?” She retorted, leaning back in her chair with a small shrug. “No one asked me, so why bother.”

Her words made his eyebrows quickly go down in confusion. How could no one have asked her out?

Instead of asking her exactly that, he sat back in his chair. “I’m not going either,” he sheepishly admitted, rubbing a hand against his arm as he bit his lip nervously. In his head, he pondered if he should just ignore his hesitation and worry, and just go for it? He always tiptoed around letting (Y/n) know about his true feelings for her, but there would be no tiptoeing now.

“Hey,” her voice broke him away from his anxious thoughts, causing his head to snap to hers. Immediately, his eyes were locked on how pretty she looked at that moment, making his mouth move before his thoughts.

“Yes, pretty girl?” Eddie asked her, making her cheeks turn to a deeper red as her lips unfolded into a huge smile. He had never called her that before, but she liked it - she liked it a lot.

“Why don’t we go to the prom tonight? And see all the moron football players try to bust a move to Madonna,” (Y/n) suggested to Eddie, making him laugh loudly in the school’s library they were sat in. No one was around to care though, and (Y/n) certainly wasn’t going to complain about Eddie.

“I would love that.”

Eddie’s response to her invitation to prom would leave a forever lasting mark on their relationship, a good mark though. Before picking her up, Eddie sat in his van, clad in an old suit of his uncle's while anxious thoughts raced through his head. "A beautiful girl going out with the weirdo, what could go wrong?" he questioned himself, the worries of other people's reactions to seeing them together flashing through his mind.

However, once he arrived to her home and went inside (with a hastily made-corsage he put together with a rose and couple strands of baby's breath, no less), all of his fears and worries simply disappeared after seeing her in the (f/c) dress she wore that night. Sure, Eddie had seen her dressed up a few times for picture day at school, but this was a sight he never witnessed before. Her hair was pinned and curled, her dress looked perfect, she wore makeup that only enhanced her features, but most of all, Eddie couldn't look away from the bright smile she had while staring back at him. In that moment he knew he would never regret his decision.

“I wasn’t going to go,” Eddie explained to Dustin, leaning his head back against the chair with a small huff. “I was very anti-prom since I couldn’t grow a pair and ask a certain pretty girl out,” he further added, a smirk curling at his lips as memories of him and his beloved before they started dating flashed through his head.

“What pretty girl was that?” Dustin asked, making Eddie throw his head back in dramatics and roll his eyes. However, just as he did that, his brown orbs caught sight of the woman he loved walking toward him. Taking the opportunity laid out before him, Eddie quickly leaned up from his slouching position before throwing his arms around (Y/n) as she came up beside his chair and pulling her to sit sideways on his lap. His actions only made the girl giggle as she situated herself in his hold, used to her boyfriend’s antics by now.

“This one right here,” Eddie pointed out to Dustin, his arms now wrapped around her waist. To get more comfortable, she reciprocated his actions and wrapped her arms around his neck, causing their gazes to meet each other. Eddie’s smile only grew at the sight of her (e/c) orbs shining back at him as he lifted a hand to push her hair back, something he often found himself doing out of habit. “but thankfully, she came and asked me out.”

Before she could ask what their conversation was about, Dustin quickly interjected with a question of his own. “You asked him out?!”

Immediately, realization flashed across her face as her mouth formed a small 'o' shape. “Oh, are you talking about prom?” She reaffirmed, turning back to face Eddie. Still smiling, he nodded dopily at her as he remained entranced by the way her hair happened to fall that day.

Now smiling warmly, she turned her attention back to Dustin. “Well, technically, yes,” (Y/n) explained, letting out a small laugh afterward. “but it was more of a ‘hey, you wanna go crash the prom with me?’ kind of deal, and he totally went for it.”

“I couldn’t have asked for a better prom date,” Eddie stated, making (Y/n) giggle once more while she leaned farther into his hold.

“I think I’m more than just your old prom date at this point, right?” she murmured to him, making him flash his teeth at her with a bright grin. In front of them, Dustin turned away from the sight of the two as a warm feeling spread over him. He wondered if he had that same lovestruck look on his face when he gazed at Susie, or vice versa.

“Oh, most definitely, love of my life,” Eddie clarified, leaning down to press a kiss to her arm currently resting against his shoulder. At the same time, (Y/n)'s grip on him only tightened as she moved forward to connect their lips in a slow, small kiss, still careful not to do too much in front of the kids. Pulling away after a few moments, the same entranced look came over Eddie’s face as he spoke up once more. “You are so much more than just an old prom date.”

With that, (Y/n)’s smile only grew more before she moved to rest her head on his shoulder, looking up at him. “I’m glad,” she murmured, their eyes remaining locked on each other as giggle fell from her lips. “Because you're so much more than just a prom date to me, love of my life.”

[thelesbianpoirot]

I really despise how people try to skirt around any kind of basic feminist praxis by saying their race or culture or other marginalized identity makes it different somehow. Yes, intersecting identities add nuance to feminist theory, not in the way you people view it. "Actually being feminine breedable and submissive may be negative for white women, but actually it is really empowering for black women." "It may be empowering for white women to work, but brown women have worked to long, we deserve to be dependent on men for a while." "It may be empowering to white feminists to be anti-makeup, cosmetic procedures and other frivolous female suffering for trends but black women NEED MAKEUP more an anyone else!" "Divorce may benefit white woman, but us brown women value family, and self sacrifice, so we counsel abusive men of color, so we can keep families together. They are always trying to breakdown brown families. We will not be calling the police when he beats her. We don't send another men of color to jail."

"Abortion may be for white able-bodied women, but my people are facing genocide so women of race/disability must keep the children they don't want, abortion for us is sterilization!"

"This lesbian pornography is actually very important to Queer culture! This lesbian porno was directed by a woman! And it stars actual queer actresses. So even though porn is usually bad, in this case, it is okay." "Controlling every aspect of a woman's life is wrong, unless it is my religion, then it is fine, atheist women may not approve, but my situation is different, a different kind of feminism but equal." "High heels are usually torture devices, but on a femme it just feels right, it is important to her femme identity!" We ain't never getting anywhere if women can just pull out a permission slip (race, sexuality, disability) to get them excused from practicing or honoring feminist praxis that will benefit ALL WOMEN.

[minsh0e]

mini astrology observations 2/?

hi hi ! i am back with another mini astrology observations. I want to thank you all for such an amazing reaction to my “work”, and for all your positive/negative comments that you left for me. these opinions make me realize a lot and will definitely make me grow further in the future… before you move on to the reading, i want to say, that I am not a professional, so take everything lightly. as always, have fun reading <3

p.s. - photos are mine :)

...

☆ people with empty 1st house may lack life guidance or be less aggressive while voicing their opinions. on the contrary though, they might judge people based on their personality and manners, not appearance or first impressions.

☆ libra risings literally don’t have to wear makeup as they look/feel better without it

☆ in my first/last observations, i talked about the mars and/trine venus synastry and how it can be the first thing that pulls you in. in this case, mars represents the man and venus represents the woman. last time, i talked about how i got attracted to the men, who have mars in the same element as my venus but i haven´t mentioned, that all of them had virgo mars...

i have a theory of mine (that i observed on me and others) in which venus mostly gets attracted to the mars sign of same element that is positioned clockwise (e.g. scorpio -> cancer) and mars mostly gets attracted to the venus that is positioned anti-clockwise (cancer -> scorpio)…i have, however, observed this on people who are attracted to the opposite gender not the same gender, therefore, i can’t really tell you nothing about how this works for homosexuals.

-> please let me know what you think about this/what are your experiences if you have time :)

☆ this is a very random observation that you can skip if you want to…our dog it considered to be beautiful by most of the people we met/meet. he has shiny, colorful fur, symmetrical face and body color placements. i decided to check out his natal chart for fun and found out, that he has libra venus in 5th house…interpret this as you want, but i guess, that you can really apply astrology to anything :)

☆ people with sagittarius mars are the ones, who love the sports/movement the most. they are amazing at doing anything physical, so you can literally see them being great at any sport…even if they do it for the first time. they may be interested in a lot different kinds too.

☆ those with lilith in 8th house get sexualized/objectified a lot. if you have lilith (or any other lilith) in this house, you were most likely introduced to the “sexual” more early in your life and matured more faster then your other peers. also, you might be randomly called/shouted at by other disrespectful people on the streets…i was really surprised to find out, that this is not really talked about that much, so here i am…

☆ another observation i talked about in past were pisces/12th house placements. i talked about how sleepy and tired they can get without any specific reason but let me tell you…all the water signs/house placements get like this and it's mostly because of said no reason or when they get tired just by thinking about working on something/having to describe something to the other person. they treasure their energy and how they spend it.

☆ degrees are a very important part of reading an astrology…if you have time, please learn/read about them

…

the end.

these observations were slightly shorter, so i am sorry about that :(

again, feel free to leave your feedback :)

[rainbowsky]

Sorry I've taken so long to address this, I've had a very busy day and didn't have time to finish this post (which I started yesterday).

I'm talking, of course, about the incredibly controversial situation surrounding DD right now. I've gotten some messages about it so I figured I'd give my thoughts in a bigger post so that I don't have to keep repeating myself.

(CW: racism, spoilers FPU)

I know that by now most people are aware of the situation, but I'm going to start from square one for those who are just catching up on the topic.

There is a scene in Formed Police Unit where Chinese UN peacekeeping troops need to rescue a group of citizens who are surrounded by terrorists. In order to accomplish this they disguise themselves as people from the community. This being Africa, the troops were disguised using blackface.

Yes, I am saying that DD and his castmates appear in the film in blackface.

I am not going to post a picture of that here. It's just something I can't post on my blog. I understand that many of you will want to see for yourself so I'll link a clip of the scene, which was posted on Weibo. Please be aware before clicking - this is full-on blackface. Always take care of yourselves, and if you think it might be upsetting to you don't click. You don't need to see it to be a 'good fan'.

Background

For those who may not know, this movie was filmed years ago, in 2021. During those years I have seen many anti attacks against DD, claiming that he is racist and has worn blackface. Here's the photo that was circulating back then.

At the time I thought the makeup that he was wearing was likely anti-reflective black paint or camouflage paint such as is used by snipers (which he played in the film). I assumed that he was wearing his own hoodie over part of a military costume, because he was wearing a cammo shirt and what might have been combat trousers.

I was certainly not expecting full-on blackface from this movie.

There's no getting around it - this is extremely difficult to look at.

Blackface is widely viewed as offensive and racist. It shouldn't be hard to understand why. Putting on another person's ethnicity like a costume is deeply insensitive, particularly when you consider that BIPOC (black, indigenous, and other people of color) are so frequently targeted, exploited and marginalized. For those in positions of privilege and power to put on the appearance of the people who they oppress and exploit... it's just shocking and awful.

Blackface is most frequently talked about in an American context, but it's actually a problem globally - including in China. More on all that here.

The film

I have not actually seen the film, so I don't know much about the context beyond what is being discussed in the fandom. As I said earlier, in the film a group of UN police officers need to infiltrate an area in the community, and they take on disguises in order to do so.

In promotional media this film is being presented as based on true stories from real missions*. It seems the situation in question really happened on a Chinese peacekeeping mission, and the UN troops disguised themselves as black citizens in order to infiltrate and extract the endangered captives.

*I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt on this because it doesn't change how I feel it should have been handled.

This is important context that is being conveniently left out of much of the backlash about this situation. People are outright claiming that DD plays a black person in the movie - that he wore blackface to perform a role that a black actor could have played. This simply isn't true, and people making these claims are antis and liars. There's simply no excuse for not knowing the full context.

Having said that, I don't really think it matters how it ended up in the film. I do not think there is such a thing as a palatable or appropriate use of blackface. In this day and age it is nearly universally understood to be racist, and it's extremely controversial.

I can understand if they were trying to be accurate to the mission that they were portraying, but surely there are other ways they could have accomplished this scene (perhaps with the clothing but not the blackface). 'Historical accuracy' isn't as important as cultural sensitivity, not by any stretch of the imagination. In the interest of respecting audiences they could have adapted the scene to make the use of blackface unnecessary.

I really see no excuse for anything like this in 2024.

Audience reactions

Chinese sensibilities around these topics are very different from what we are used to in the West.

According to fan repos audiences initially didn't recognize any of the actors, and once it became apparent that they were in disguise, laughter erupted around the room. In fact, most fans are laughing a lot at the photos and video even on social media (although some Chinese netizens have been upset by it and have voiced complaints to various stakeholders).

It is also being widely discussed on Chinese social media as an exciting scene of heroism in the film.

I feel the need to point out that the laughter and mockery is a huge part of the harm, here. As if it's not bad enough that these actors are performing in blackface and presenting a perversion of black ethnicity, it also becomes an opportunity for audiences to mock and disrespect black people. It's become an opportunity for social media to be filled with racist jokes and mockery.

Roadshow statements

There have been some clips circulating of PR and roadshow moments with black cast members and some black audience members who have spoken up in support of the film and to thank the cast and crew for telling the story. Here's one example.

International fans have been dismissing those statements as ignorant or coerced, which I think is offensive and deeply fucked up. There's no planet on which I'm going to - with a totally straight face - say that a black person's response to the movie is not legitimate just because it doesn't comport with my own view.

This is a complex issue and there are inevitably going to be a lot of different perspectives. I hope people won't exacerbate the problem by supplanting black voices on this issue with their own, no matter what's being said. If there's any manipulation going on, let's assume it was in their choosing supportive black figures to speak for the film rather than claim that the black spokespeople are insincere.

China has a lot of issues with racism, there's no doubt about it. It's a huge part of why so many people try to whiten their skin, or why they mock each other when their skin gets tanned/darker. There is a lot of sinister, fucked up stuff going on in China around race - both in the country and in their dealings with other countries.

But we can't claim to speak for black people in China, particularly when they are speaking for themselves! I would hope this is extremely obvious!

Where's DD in all this?

It's understandable that bystanders will react to what they're seeing and might immediately deem it unacceptable - and DD along with it. Their reactions are valid, but as fans I hope that we can look at him with a bit more empathy. I hope that we can take a moment to try to see things from his perspective.

DD has been interested in and an avid fan of black culture since he was a small child. We've all seen how much he immerses himself in hip hop, street dance and the accompanying music and fashion. And yes, he's been accused of cultural appropriation in the past for wearing locs and durags.

However, I think fans need a bit of perspective here to get a sense of where DD might be coming from. Here's a guy who loves black culture, who has close friends who are black, who regularly works with black artists and who supports black artists, in a culture where racism against black people is prevalent and often extreme.

I think DD would probably be amazed to hear the accusations of racism against him. He likely has very few people in his orbit who are anywhere near as supportive of or as closely connected to black people as he is. He likely stands out in his circle as being particularly into black culture and connected with black artists, and probably regularly faces ignorant questions or digs from people around him about his close association with black artists and culture.

Not just because of racism alone, but also due to the racist parallels the government tends to draw between black culture, street dance, hip hop, etc. and criminality/moral degradation*. It's likely that ignorant people in his orbit have expressed concern or wariness toward him because of these associations.

*That is, until breakdancing became an Olympic sport, then they were suddenly onboard with some of it.

I'm not saying that he doesn't have a lot of learning to do (and if this situation becomes what I think it might become, he'll have a big opportunity to do so), I'm just saying that his ignorance isn't mean-spirited. He's coming at this from a totally different angle than any of us are, and he is immersed in a totally different cultural perspective than our own. In his world, his interest likely makes him a bit of an anomaly.

So those painting him as a horrible racist... it's just not how I see it.

The element of choice

I've heard many people say that DD 'didn't have any choice' about this role, that turning it down would not have been an option or that he would be under some kind of threat if he didn't take this role. I don't agree with that characterization of things. I don't think it's quite as 'gun to the head' as a lot of fans paint it.

I think it's more likely that he simply didn't realize that the role would involve blackface when he accepted it, or that he thought that blackface in this context - to infiltrate a terrorist cell and save civilians - would be fine. We don't need to depict China as forcibly compelling actors to take unwanted roles if we want to make sense of this. There are simpler, more logical explanations.

DD wouldn't have been the one deciding how to depict the scene - he didn't have that power in 2021 - but I also doubt he would have had a major problem with it given everything we know.

We must overcome our Western tendency to see things only from our own perspective. This has a totally different cultural context in China, and the voices we listen to about it should not be issuing exclusively from white faces that are not at ground zero of this situation.

Final thoughts

This film has had me worried from day one. I think most people have been expecting it to be full of offensive portrayals and propagandistic fuckery. There are so many ways in which a Chinese film about the UN is potentially a sticky, tricky mess. This blackface thing is likely just one problem on a towering pile of problems.

However, I'm not going to sugarcoat this - this has the potential to be a real shitshow for DD, and I am concerned. Especially if this film gets an international release.

We need to brace ourselves, because I don't think this is going to just disappear. DD has endorsements with international brands, and this could definitely cause backlash for those brands unless the issue is addressed and the scenes removed. There's no planet on which brands like Chanel and Lacoste can afford to have one of their spokespeople plastered everywhere in blackface.

If this film gets an international release and those scenes are left intact, it's possible he will lose some brands.

Let's hope it doesn't come to that, but let's face it - things like this have consequences, and that's why it's so important for producers and artists to be sensitive about what they're portraying.

While I think there's some endorsement risk here for DD, and the potential loss of some international fans, I want to be clear about one thing: I don't think this will threaten his career overall. In China this just isn't an issue in the way it is internationally.

I do hope the film team addresses this issue in some way, ideally by removing the scenes. They just finished doing a massive edit to remove ZZH from the film, surely they can handle something like this. But let's not hold our breath...

Everyone has the right to make up their minds about DD. As I've often said, being a turtle isn't for the faint of heart. That's not just because turtles are frequent targets for bullies, or because we have to constantly live with uncertainty and doubt.

Being an international turtle also isn't for the faint of heart because there are a lot of cultural and political minefields to navigate, and many ideological differences to adapt to. There's a huge learning curve and a lot of unknowns, and turtles who want to survive have to make peace with the fact that we and the boys are from different worlds in many ways. We may never know where they really stand on issues that are important to us.

However, in this case I feel confident that I know where DD's heart is on this issue. He simply doesn't hold hatred, disrespect or disdain for black people. Quite the contrary.

I think we'd all just feel a lot better if he had a good grasp on how to be a better ally.

And while we're waiting for that, I think we should put our money where our mouths are and learn more about these issues ourselves, both in China and locally at home. We want DD to be a better person; let's be better people too.

Edit: more on this here.

[scarletlizzard]

Hummingbird

Pairing: wanda x reader (I don't think I used any pronouns in this? I could be wrong)

Tags: angst, fluff, alcohol (R has a bit of a drinking problem), R has powers

A/N: Hi anon 😊 Please forgive me for taking so long. I wrote this about 10 different ways before I could finally settle on one! I hope this is good enough and thank you thank you so much for the request 🩷🩷

Masterlist

As you sit in the pew in the middle of friends and other familiar faces, you smell the flowers that litter the alter, and listen to the quiet chatter as you feel a body sit next to you.

"Maximoff is getting married, huh?" Bucky asks, you remove your eyes from Wanda, who was standing at the alter, to your best friend.

"I guess so... finally," you say with a chuckle, looking down at your hands. You pick at the skin of your nails anxiously and think back to one of the first days you met the Maximoffs.

***

"Would you stop being so anti-social?" Natasha insists as she leans in the doorframe of your room. You remove your headphones with a pout on your face.

"I'm not being anti social, I'm just... here," you shrug and stand from your bed. She laughs and shakes her head, stepping inside.

"Ten minutes, or I'm dragging you down. If I have to be there, so do you," Natasha hits your shoulder playfully and rolls her eyes as you fake being hurt.

"Ten minutes!" She commands before heading back to the party.

With a sigh, you do as she says, changing into a dark pair of jeans and a plain white shirt. If you absolutely had to go, you would at least be comfortable. So ten minutes went by, and you found yourself, as always, at the bar in the large room filled with people. You recognized most of the people, the same ones who always show up to Tonys parties. As you sip your second drink though, the sight of the twins walking by catch your eyes.

You make eye contact with Wanda Maximoff, the witch who almost drove you to commit heinous crimes the day she put herself in your mind. She gives you a soft smile, and you have to look away because you want to hate her.

You don't want to feel a warmth spread in your chest as she looks at you with those gorgeous green eyes surrounded with dark makeup and those silver rings on her slender fingers and her long, smooth legs in that skirt and that beautiful smile and - fuck it.

"Maximoff," you say, suprising her and yourself as you had walked up to her with a drink still in hand. "How are you enjoying the life of an Avenger so far?" You ask and raise an eyebrow.

"Y/N!" She says with a small blush on her cheeks.

In the short time Wanda had been here, you were the person she wanted to get to know the most... you were also the one person who wouldn't give her a second look, at least not that she knew of. She couldn't believe you were standing here.

"I um, it's very different from what I'm used to," she says and smiles again. You might fall out right there if she does it again with the way your knees weaken.

"I bet it is," you sigh and take a sip of your drink. The two of you stand in silence for a moment. "It's kind of... distracting in here. Wanna go someplace and talk?" You ask. She looks up at you and nods.

You down the rest of your drink and sneak behind the bar, grabbing a bottle of whatever you could reach, which turned out to be tequila. Wanda giggled as you shrugged while reading the label on the bottle and hid it under your arm, telling her to follow you. You led her down a few hallways and up to a balcony, being far enough away that you could only hear a little bit of the muffled music.

"The stars are so bright tonight," you say as you sit on the edge, letting your feet dangle off of the side. Wanda follows suit and sits next to you, flattening her skirt. You take a sip from the bottle without a flinch, watching as she looks up at the sky.

"My brother and I used to try to count them when we were little," she laughs and takes the bottle as you hand it to her, sticking her tongue out and shivering after she takes a big sip.

"You would've been counting forever," you chuckle and feel your skin ignite as her shoulder touches yours.

"Thought we had forever," she says and looks to you. "Then on Sokovia when he got shot I-I thought he was gone." You furrow your brows, taking in her now saddened features.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. But hey, he's here, making shitty jokes and flirting with some girl from Shield," you try to joke, feeling that same warmth from earlier when a giggle leaves her lips.

"I'm the one who needs to apologize. I-" You interrupt her by holding up a hand, taking a big gulp from the bottle.

"Here's the thing. We've all done bad things, every single one of us," you nod in the direction of the party. "Including me... which you know obviously," you mumble and look away from her, thinking back to the feeling of her inside your head. "You do good, try to wipe it clean, you know? It's all we can do. Now what I'd really like is to finish the bottle and know all about you," you say with a smile and look to her again.

"You already know about me?" Wanda says and lifts her eyebrow as she takes another swig from the bottle. You shake your head.

"No, no. I want to know what makes you tick. Your favorite movies, shows, songs, your favorite thing to do on a rainy day. Why you wear so many rings," you laugh and point to the rings that adorn her fingers. She grins, and there goes that feeling again.

The two of you spend the entire night on that balcony, finishing the bottle and swapping stories about all your favorite things. There wasn't a cell in your body that could ever hate Wanda Maximoff.

Towards the end of the night, now early in the morning, in fit of laughter you lean too far over the balcony. Wanda gasps in fear as you fall forward.

"Y/N!" She gasps loudly, and you look to her scared reaction in suprise, looking around the two of you as if something had happened you were unaware of.

"What? What is it?" You ask as you stand still in the air, floating in front of her.

The hand that covered her mouth moved and revealed a drunken laugh that escaped her lips. She leans forward and punches your arm.

"I didn't know you could fly! I thought I'd have to jump off, and oh god," Wanda shakes her head and rubs her eyes. You give her a cheeky smile and continue to stand there mid-air effortlessly.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me," you shrug drunkenly and put your hands in your pockets.

"Oh yeah, like what, hummingbird ?" Wanda jokes, giving you the nickname before she watches you step through the air was if you were walking.

You stood directly in front of her now, face almost where hers was. "I happen to be a fantastic kisser," you say with a chuckle, your heart enjoying the smile on her lips and the blush on her cheeks.

"Is that so?" She questions, her tongue wetting her lips. You nod and lean in.

"I mean, you're more than welcome to prove me wrong..." You whisper, lips hovering over hers. When you look in her green eyes for any signal to stop or uneasiness, you find none. Her eyes flutter closed, and her breath hitches as you lean in and connect your lips.

Wandas hands move to wrap around your neck, her fingers tangling with the strands behind you while yours moved to her hips. It's a soft kiss at first with shy lips, but soon turns into a sloppy drunken kiss with not so shy tongue. She can taste the tequila on your tongue, with a hint of lime from your drink earlier. Wanda sighs into the kiss as the wind blows her hair and squints her closed eyes tighter as a bright light suddenly shines between the two of you.

You frown as you feel her lips disconnect from yours, and when you open your eyes, you see her emerald eyes widen, a golden tint highlighting her features in the darkness.

"Uh, Y/N? Do you usually um... glow?" Wanda asks, and it's your turn to blush. In the kiss, you had gotten lost in Wanda. The way her soft lips tasted against yours, the way her fingertips brushed the nape of your neck. You had forgotten to control yourself.

You realized you were holding onto Wanda, now high above the balcony, while a golden white light radiates off of you.

"Oh god, I-I'm sorry," you laugh and take her back down, landing gently back onto the balcony while no longer glowing. Wanda shook her head, nothing but amazed with you.

"No, that was.. that was perfect," she whispers and reaches up to cup your cheek. In your drunken state (you didn't know from what more the tequila or Wandas lips), she kisses you again, and you can't help the light that shines off of you.

After that night on the balcony, the two of you grew closer over time. You'd stay up late doing anything and everything to make her laugh. Wanda would sneak in your room and kiss you randomly in the middle of the night just to see if you'd let your guard down and shine for her. You always did.

"So what's going on with you and Maximoff?" Bucky asked one day during a training session. You punch the pad he was holding up and shrug.

"What do you mean?" You ask back casually and try to ignore the heat that rises on your cheeks.

"Right, right. So that wasn't you leaving her room this morning," he laughs and shakes his head, groaning as you punch the pad hard near his stomach while he is distracted.

You look over through the glass wall and see Wanda talking to Vision again. "I don't know, Buck. I really like her," you sigh and watch as she laughs. You turn back to your best friend.

"Then you need to tell her, before someone else does," he nods to the direction of Wanda and Vision, knowing what he meant.

You weren't the only one growing closer to Wanda, vying for her undivided attention. Vision had been there too, and it seemed like the pair were talking more and more. Though as far as you knew, she was only kissing you, and the smile on her face wasn't the same grin she always gave you. You had nothing to worry about. She would always pick you... at least that's what you thought.

The time came when you finally wanted to tell Wanda about your feelings, that you wanted more than stolen kisses in the moonlight. You approach her room, mumbling the words you had been practicing all night.

"It's fine, you're fine," you tell yourself. "Tell her how you feel, ask her on a date. She'll say, 'Of course, hummingbird'... you're fine," you continue to convince yourself.

You take a deep breath and see the door to her room cracked open. With a shaky hand, you go to knock, but pause when you hear two voices speaking. Curiosity getting the best of you, you lean closer to listen.

"Wanda... I know you feel it, too. We're connected somehow, in here," Vision says in a soft voice.

"I feel it too, all the time," she replies, and you can hear the smile on her face.

"So we can give this a try then? Us?" He asks her. Wanda is silent for a moment, and you feel your stomach rise into your throat, your heart beating out of your chest. She wouldn't. There was no way.

Don't say yes.

"Yes. I would love to," she says.

"And what about Y/N?" He asks her, tone clearly annoyed.

"We were just... having fun," she sighs, and you feel your heart break. You don't stay a second longer.

Wandas head turns to the door, almost sure in the corner of her eyes she sees a flash of light, but when she gets up to look in the hall, it's empty. You had retreated to the safety of your room and a bottle of whatever your hand touched first.

After that night, you avoid Wanda for as long as you can. Finding excuses to leave the room every time she enters, taking on extra missions with Natasha across seas, extra training sessions with Pietro, and you put in more time at the gym with Bucky. He didn't ask why your punches were almost knocking him down, but when he saw Vision holding Wandas hand, he knew why the gym was suddenly a golden hue.

Another night, another party, another drink.

The room was filled with familiar faces and similar music, another drink in your hand but a frown on your face as you glared at Visions hand on Wandas lower back. Great.

"Guess whose got another date?"

"Hmm, is it someone who can't take a punch?" You ask and sip your drink, turning in your chair to look at Pietro.

"Ha, ha. Very funny," he fake laughs and shakes his head. "You know some of us are lovers, not fighters," he laughs for real this time, and so do you.

"Well, when we're done training, we'll see where you stand. Things are going well with her, huh?" You ask him, nodding to the girl from Shield he had somehow won over with his cheesy jokes.

"Yeah, great, actually..." He turns to smile at her, giving her a small wave before turning back to you. "Hey, I bet she knows some more hot spies. Wanna go on a double date?" Pietro jokes and watches you sigh, eyeing the brunette and the synthazoid.

"Why not? Might as well," you slur your words a little and finish your drink, leaning over the bar to grab a bottle. "See you in the morning?"

"Yeah, see you then," he says and gives you a sad smile.

The campus was quiet now. Everyone had long gone to bed, and you decided what better company than the stars and a now almost empty bottle of vodka. Perks of being super, you could drink as much as you wanted while getting as drunk as you wanted, with no bad mornings after or alcohol poisonings.

You hear the sound of a door opening and closing, and you sigh, knowing it could only be one person.

Wandas body sits next to yours at the edge, shoulder to shoulder, feet dangling high above the ground. You don't say anything, because really, what did you have to say anymore?

"What's going on, Hummingbird? Pretty late for a flight," she tries to joke, eyeing the bottle that was in your hands.

"Nothing wrong with a little fresh air," you shrug and take a large swig from the bottle, subtly moving your shoulder away from hers. Wanda frowns at the feeling.

"You've been avoiding me... Wanna tell me why?" She asks in a soft voice. You let out a loud laugh, to which she furrows her brows in confusion.

"I'm sorry, it's just so fucking obvious isn't it?" You slur and jump off the balcony, pacing in the air in front of Wanda. It's not your actions that make her flinch, seeing you walk in the air was something she was accustomed to by now, it was the tone in your voice. You had never spoken to her like that before.

"Obviously not if I'm asking you," Wanda speaks, continuing her best to keep her tone soft with you. You stop in the air and look at her with red and glassy eyes.

"Obviously not," you repeat and watch as she gives you a sad look. Her fingers twirl the rings on her fingers anxiously.

"Y/N..."

"It wasn't just fun to me, Wanda," you interrupted her, watching her lips part in suprise. "It wasn't just some little crush, I wasn't just some second choice when you weren't getting enough attention from him. I thought we - " You stop yourself and look away from her, running a shaky hand through your hair. "I loved you."

Wanda was happy with Vision. She felt a connection to him that she couldn't understand... But when you spoke those words, she felt her world shatter right there.

"Loved?" She asks.

"Past tense," you mumble and turn your back to her, not wanting her to see the few tears that roll down your cheeks.

"It wasn't just fun I-"

"You said that to him, I heard you. Don't lie to me!" You slur again, this time raising your voice and feeling your body heat up.

"I'm not lying to you! It wasn't just fun for me, it was..." She sighs and wipes her eyes. "Y/N, you mean everything to me. But with him, I don't know how to explain it. I can't explain it..." Wanda lets her tears fall as she watches you shine brighter, hating the fact it wasn't out of joy. Hating the fact that you probably hated her.

"You can't say that I mean that much to you and still be with him." You finish the bottle and toss it casually onto the balcony away from her. It cracks in half against the wall, then shatters on the ground.

"Look, hummingbird... you're drunk. Let's talk about this in the morning when you're coherent. Just come inside with me, please? I know it's selfish, but I-I can't lose you," Wanda looks at your back with pleading eyes, extending her hand out to touch you.

"You already have. The day you chose him," you cry with a sniffle and finally turn to face her, seeing her sad, teary eyes shine in your golden brightness. You don't give her the chance to say anything else. Instead, you fly off, going as far away as possible.

***

"Suprised you came back for this," Bucky says and nudges your shoulder. Your hands nervously run over the creases in your pants.

"Well, I couldn't really miss this, could I?" You sigh and look up again, only this time you see Wanda is already looking at you. Her green eyes were wide with suprise, and you could make out a smile on her lips. You balled your fists up, willing yourself to control your powers and stay calm.

"No, I don't think any of us expected Pietro out of all people to get married before half of us," he laughs quietly. "It's good you're here, Y/N."

Your eyes move to Pietro, who nervously talks to Wanda. Her hands were fixing his bowtie and whispering what you assumed calming words to him. As the music started, she turned him around, eyes moving to you as the crowd stood.

As his bride walked down the aisle, your eyes stayed glued to Wanda. Even after all this time, she was still stunning, taking your breath away as she stood next to her brother. Of course, she was his best man.

Throughout the ceremony, Wanda would look to you occasionally, checking to make sure you hadn't flown away from her again. Each time you made eye contact, you gave her a reassuring smile, letting her know you wouldn't be going away this time.

At the reception, Wanda sat at a table, drinking a glass of champagne and watching her brother slow dance with her newly appointed sister in law. A body suddenly blocks her view, and when she looks up to see your face, her heart stops.

"May I have this dance?" You ask, extending your hand out to her. She blushes, and you're reminded again that you would literally do anything for her.

Wanda sets her glass down and reaches her hand out to take yours, just as soft as she remembered. You led her to the dance floor and rested your hands on her hips, letting her arms rest on your shoulders while her hands were entwined behind your neck.

"I like the red," you utter quietly, eyeing her soft auburn curls. She chuckles as the two of you begin to sway, the tension slightly awkward between the two of you.

"I dyed it a while ago.." Wanda shrugs casually.

"It's been a while since I've seen you," you add. She hums in response, looking into your clear eyes.

"I expected to find you at the bar..." She half jokes.

"I uh, I stopped drinking," you reply with a smile, to which she gives you a proud smile back and nods.

"That's fantastic, hummingbird," Wanda whispers and scrunches her nose. Your heart swells at the nickname you hadn't heard in too long.

"Listen, Wanda. I've done a lot of thinking, a lot of trying to better myself, my emotions. I'm sorry I didn't just... talk to you. I'm happy that you're happy," you say with a smile, and she knows you mean what you say by the way it reaches your eyes. "I don't want to miss out on being a part of your life... as long as he treats you well," you say jokingly at the end to ease the heaviness of your words, and you spin her slowly around.

She returns to her previous position with a grin and pulls you closer, taking in your words as you both sway to the song. Wanda had missed this, missed you more than anything else in the world. Being in your arms again, she felt happier than she had in a long time.

"You have nothing to apologize for... I'm sorry things happened the way they did. I should've talked to you too," Wanda says gently. "We aren't together, you know?"

"Oh?" You say, trying to hide the excitement in your stomach, but Wanda can see it in your eyes.

"Yeah," she giggles at your reaction. "Turns out we're connected through the mind stone... but that was about it. He didn't know what made me tick. Didn't care to know my favorite show or what I liked to do or a rainy day." Her tone is playful as she looks up to you, smile still bright on her lips.

"Dick Van Dyke, watching the rain drops race down the window. Even though you pick the losing drop every time," you answer and smile back. She rolls her eyes jokingly at the last part, but Wanda can't deny the way her heart sped in her chest that you still remembered.

"I meant what I said that day... you mean everything to me, Y/N. You still do," her tone is serious, and you nod as you gaze into her eyes.

"I lied to you that day..." You whisper, watching her smile begin to fade. "I've never stopped loving you."

You lean down, face close to hers as your heart beats on your ribs like a butterfly trapped in a cage. Her eyes search yours as if she had been waiting for you to say those words, as if you were going to fly away right there.

"Are you going to glow if I kiss you?" Wanda mumbles the question, her lips ghosting over yours as she speaks.

"Probably..." You answer honestly.

"Good," she smiles and closes her eyes, feeling the warmth on her skin from the light that you radiated as she kisses you. You did your best to hold back, but the way her lips melted into yours and her soft tongue slipping against yours, you didn't stand a chance.

Even after the song had ended and everyone around you jumped to the quick and heavy beat, on the dancefloor, you and Wanda stayed like this. Foreheads together and swaying to your own beat, holding eachother close, neither of you knowing you would be in the same spot a year later for your first dance as a married couple.

[mactiir]

ranking baldur's gate characters by how i think they smell

#9) Minthara. Because she’s a corpse, next question.

#8) Lae'zel. You know this woman has never bathed. Washing is for the weak, is'tik. She says this is because needs her musk to attract mates but mostly it's cuz Gith education doesn't exactly make time for personal hygiene. Once it got so bad that Tav dragged the whole party through a chest-deep stream and stood there for 20 minutes to take a "breather" while Laezel stared daggers at them the whole time.

#7) Karlach. I want Karlach to smell nice so badly, and Karlach probably wants Karlach to smell nice too, but you know this woman smells like brimstone and engine exhaust and sweat. On good days she smells like the fine char you get on burgers on a summer day. On bad days she smells like a truck stop at peak hours, and the truck stop is also on fire. She's not happy about this either.

#6) Gale. Gale tries to keep himself groomed, he really does. But he looks like he is perpetually just a tiny bit smelly. Like he hyperfocused on a book slightly too hard for slightly too long and as a result he forgot to shower for a week. He acts like he bedded Mystra because of his towering intellect but really it's cuz gods don't have human senses of smell. His nightshirt looks velvet, too, and you KNOW it can't be easy to get smells out of that shit without a washer. He is one of those poor guys who is cursed to always stink a little bit no matter how much he showers. When Tav confronts him about this he decides, on the spot, that deodorant is for anti-intellectuals, actually, which he wouldn't have expected Tav to know but it's okay, we can't all be enlightened.

#5) Minsc. He doesn't reek exactly, but you know he's 100% man musk, hamster bedding, and butt-kicking

Tied for #5) Jaheira. You know 100 years of living in forests and adventuring with Minsc has endowed her with exactly the same level of manly perfume as Minsc (except with notes of cedarwood).

#4) Wyll. He used to be the best-smelling until Mizora pulled him through every level of hell in rapid succession, and now he smells a little bit like brimstone all the time. He sometimes rubs fragrant herbs on his horns to counteract it, which doesn't get rid of the smell, really, but it gives his smell an interesting dimension. Otherwise, he has enough experience with adventuring, and is well-bred enough, that him and his things are usually well-groomed (and also because his dad was a freak about it).

#3) Shadowheart. This woman puts on tragic makeup every morning and changes her hair to reflect her religion. Appearances are EVERYTHING (especially when it comes to keeping secrets). Shadowheart smells exactly like she thinks she needs to smell to be religiously pleasing to her goddess and/or coMplEtE thE mIsSioN. She does get anxious sweats though, which are very distinctive if it's been a long day of adventuring. She never admits this, though. Ever.

#2) Astarion. Okay, so, sometimes, he smells just the teensiest, tiniest bit like dried blood. But mostly, he smells like baby powder and potpourri. It is a waste of good fashion sense and his pretty face to go about stinking like a beggar. (He does go through a brief 'Cazador can't tell ME what to do' phase where he stops bathing for a day, but he grosses himself out so much that he resumes his normal routime before anyone notices.)

#1) Halsin. You'd expect him to stink, with his whole smelly-hippy free-love vibe, but nah. The man smells heavenly. He spends all his time frolicking through fragrant herbs and lounging in scented hot springs with whomever strikes his fancy. He probably has a whole ass medicine cabinet full of stuff he uses to freshen up. His breath probably smells like mint and his hair like cedar. He probably puts coconut oil or smth in his hair. He knows how to smell good as literally any animal in the realms. Wanna know why? Dogs have a sense of smell several thousand times better than people. I bet bears do, too. You do Not Fuck As A Bear without understanding not only how to WASH your ass, but also perfume it. Halsin also knows: thou shalt not give yeast infections. And if you got bear dick, that means HYGIENE. It's a point of pride for him, actually.

BONUS: WITHERS. Withers smells like nothing. Like, freakishly, unsettlingly like nothing. Like, you expect him to smell like dust or pitch or smth. Nope. He's a black hole of smell. You come near him and if you ask, he resets your entire hygiene routine for 100 gold and leaves you smelling like roses.

[amirasainz]

okay okay i love the jealous alexandra!! but what about a continuation where it’s bff kika and amira vs alexandra and miss kika throws some hands!! maybe they were out on a girls day like they have kika and amira days and alexandra was there with her bff an iv and they got to shit talking and kika threw some punches, and amira was yelling in spanish like two very jumpy bffs, and pierre and charles are very much like it’d be painful if we hurt them, cause they may just kill us!! love the better girlfriend fic! this series is so so fun ❤️❤️ ( oml and kelly being very proud of her 2 younger wags when she find out )

I'm so sorry but at the end I had to laugh so bad. Please be aware that this is just a fic and not hate towards any persons mentioned.

I hope you enjoy reading and send me some requests.

-XoXo

The better girlfriend (Part 2)

Amira and Kika, inseparable as ever, embarked on another girls’ day in Monaco. Their bond was more than friendship—it was sisterhood. Kika played the role of confidante, makeup lender, and partner-in-crime during hungover mornings. Sweet “girl-dates” were their specialty, and Kika’s shoulder was always there for Amira to lean on.

But Kika wasn’t just a soft touch. Like any true best friend, she’d throw a punch or two if needed to defend Amira. Loyalty ran deep between them.

On this particular day, they indulged in a four-hour shopping spree, treating themselves to manicures and a relaxing spa session. To cap it off, they settled into a cozy restaurant for lunch, sipping delicious mimosas.

Seated at the back, they paid little attention to the other patrons—until a familiar voice reached their ears. It was one of those moments when fate intervened, weaving their lives together with unexpected threads.

"I honestly don't know what he sees in her." the annoying voice of Alex reached their ears. Amira and Kika shared a look, both of their faces looking unimpressed. "Yeah" was the weak reply from Alexandras best friend, Sarah. To be honest, Sarah wasn't Alex biggest fan at the moment. The whole stunt she did with kissing a man that was not her boyfriend wasn't ok. But going to said ex-boyfriends job and offend his new girlfriend publicly was just borderline crazy. In her opinion Amira is a sweet girl and a good girlfriend to Charles. No wonder that they are Sarah's favourite celebrity couple, but don't tell Alex.

"You should have seen her, she stood there like an idiot. She dresses like a whore. Hell, I bet she even behaves like one" Alexandra continued. "And of course little perfect Amira Sainz had to play the angel again and tell the media that she didn't take my words to heart. Does this bitch even know who I am? My word is law." For gods sake why couldn't she stop talking, thought Sarah.

Meanwhile, Kika and Amira listend to the one-sided conversation. Both girls started getting angrier the more they heard. While Amiras rage was the "I can destroy your life with one sentence" rage, Kika's blood was boiling. "Who does this stupid bitch think she is" muttered Kika.

But when Alexandra confessed she started the internet rumor of Amira having an eating disorder, all rational thoughts left her head. During those horrible rumours, Amira started really struggling. Anti-Ferrari fans and Anti-Charles fans took the presented possibility to write her online hate. Besides, starting rumours about serious topics like that is never alright, no matter who it is about. It was a very dark time for Amira.

Before Amira could even comprehend what was happening, Kika stood up and went to the neighbour table. "Hey, girlie" she said to Alex sweetly, before taking her hair and dragging her out of the chair. Alex screeched like an wounded animal, which gained the attention of the other guest and staff. One young waitress recognised the girls and started filming.

Kika pushed her to the floor and started ripping of her fake nails. "Who the fuck do you think you are talking about my best friend like that?" Alex and Kika started ringing on the floor. Obviously Kika had the upper hand. Amira, who was still angry, decided to encourage her besties behaviour. "Vamos, Kika. Acaba con esta estúpida zorra." she yelled. Kika shot her a little smile while Alex looked at her in horror. "Eso es, zorra. Toma tu puta opinión y a ver a quién le importa. " Amira said straight to her face, raising an eyebrow.

Kika slapped her one last time across the face, stood up and said loudly: "Can we get our sandwiches to-go, please?" Amira and Kika turned to the filming waitress who answered excitedly: "Girls, it's on the house for you." After paying their mimosas and taking their food, the two left.

Inside the car, Amira hugged Kika tight. "Thank you" she whispered tearfully. Kika didn't say anything back, just hugged her tighter. What the two girl's weren't aware of, was, that at this exact moment, their little video fight went viral. And boy, did the fans stand on Kikas and Amiras side.

Bonus (+):

Max and Kelly stood in front of the girls, the video on in the background. They knew Charles and Pierre wouldn't say anything against their behaviour, so they took it upon themselves to be that bad cops.

"I am very disappointed in you two. Instead of talking it out like an adult, you hit her, Kika. And you shouldn't have encouraged her, Amira. As a punishment you both are not allowed to have any girl-days for two weeks." explained Max tiredly. Instead of arguing, both girls silently nodded their heads.

After a moment of silence Max spoke again: "Kelly, don't you want to say anything as well?" "….Bad girls." was her only reply. While Max held his head in his hands, Kelly shot the two of them a secret wink.

[oliversrarebooks]

corporate retreat 3/4

Previous > Masterlist > Next

tw: brainwashing, drugging, dehumanization, hypnosis, amnesia

"Quinn? Can you open your eyes for me, please?"

Somehow, they managed to get their eyes cracked slightly open. The lights in the room had mercifully been dimmed, and everything seemed fuzzy and indistinct.

"Good. Follow the penlight with your eyes, please."

Quinn did their best, but it all seemed like a big confusing blur.

"Reactions very slow but perceptible. Subject just barely able to respond to stimuli. Twilight sleep state achieved. Based on the results of the tests and their psychological makeup… recommend… and fifty milliliters… around two hours…"

Quinn felt the mask being taken off their face, and the cool rush of fresh air untainted by sedatives was a relief. They cracked their eyes open again as their arm was grasped by one of the assistants. She wiped the inside of their elbow with a cotton swab soaked in cool liquid, and then began to insert an IV line. They were still far too out of it, their limbs much too heavy, to resist.

The IV line was attached to a big bag of light blue fluid. Quinn watched as the drug went drip-drip-drip down the tube and into their arm. The assistant used the IV port to inject a dose of what looked like the same drug.

"We'll give you a little time to adjust to the new medication," said Dr. Moon. "You can just relax."

They assumed they were going to be put back to sleep, but instead they just lay there, staring at the slow drip of blue liquid, in a kind of tranquilized daze. Whatever this new drug was, it wasn't bad. They couldn't remember the last time they had felt so peaceful. Actually, they were feeling pretty good. The all-consuming sleepiness they'd felt from the gas had melted away into a drowsy calm, and their thoughts were gradually returning.

"Quinn? Are you awake? How are you feeling?"

Quinn turned lazily to Dr. Moon. "Good. Really, really drowsy… but good," they said.

"That's excellent to hear," Dr. Moon said. "You're on the good stuff now. We gathered enough data to understand how best to adjust your mind."

"The good stuff…" Quinn's gaze traveled back to the IV line. "What is it?"

"We like to call it cleaning fluid -- but don't be alarmed. It's a nickname, because it's for washing your brain." She laughed. "We have many different components we can use to make it. It's highly customized for the individual, their needs, and our needs."

They really couldn't have been alarmed even if they tried. "What's in mine?"

"Cleaning fluid always starts with Influence Serum. That's our proprietary control medication that removes your mental defenses and inhibitions and increases suggestibility, leaving your mind delightfully pliant and malleable. Then we add Liquid Lullaby -- that's what's keeping you drowsy and docile," she explained. "Your custom mixture also has Pacifier, our anti-anxiety agent, and a little False Paradise, to induce mild euphoria. Plus a few interesting other traces."

"That seems like… a lot of drugs."

"Don't worry, it's especially formulated for you, and completely harmless," she said. "You were so anxious coming here, weren't you?"

"Yeah," they agreed without hesitation.

"And you seem so exhausted. Aren't you exhausted from all the work you do?"

"Yeah, I am."

"And I bet you're so tired of thinking, too. Solving problems. Making decisions. Your poor, tired mind needs a break from all of that."

She was right, that sounded heavenly. What had they even been so worried about? The Brainwashing Department was so nice, and Dr. Moon was so friendly and helpful. "Yeah, I guess I really did need a break." They relaxed into the comfortable chair, resting their arm with the IV on the armrest. Dr. Moon was right. These drugs really were the good stuff.

"Well, it's a good thing you've got a month long vacation, then, isn't it?" said Dr. Moon.

Quinn smiled. "I can't believe it, but I'm actually glad I came here."

"Oh, that's just so lovely to hear you say! I really do think we do great work here. We help people," she said. "And I've got another treat in store for you."

"Oh? What is it?"

"I'm going to turn on the screen and you're going to watch a fun movie for the next couple of hours. It's going to hypnotize you and help you be so obedient. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Um…" Quinn furrowed their brows. They dimly remembered that they hadn't wanted that, but they didn't really feel like making a fuss when instead they could just relax in a blissful daze.

"Great, let's get you all situated." Dr. Moon reclined their chair a little bit more, then turned on the screen and placed it in front of Quinn's face.

The screen burst to life with a pulsating rainbow spiral, one that drew Quinn's eyes right to the center as the colors shifted and swirled. They couldn't look away. They didn't want to. Something about it was so, so… compelling… like it was the greatest and most fascinating thing Quinn had ever seen, like they could watch it forever.

"There we go. Just watch the spiral. You're too sleepy to resist, aren't you?"

"I'm… I'm not…"

"Oh yes you are. You're much too sleepy to resist."

"I'm… too sleepy to resist…" Quinn heard themself agree.

"The spiral is going to open your mind up very nicely," she said. "You're going to keep your heavy eyes open and watch the spiral, but your mind is going to go to sleep, okay? Deep, deep sleep… a deep hypnotic sleep where you can listen and absorb everything."

They could feel it. They could feel themselves falling asleep in the heart of the pulsating spiral. "I can listen…"

"So obedient, aren't you? Just like you should be. What an excellent subject."

Quinn couldn't help but smile. "…Thank you…"

"Oh, you like the praise, don't you? You're the type that wants to get a good grade in being brainwashed."

It felt like so long since they'd done anything right, really. "Yeah…"

Dr. Moon draped a warm blanket over Quinn's body. "Then be a good little test subject for me, stare in to the pretty spiral, and let yourself be hypnotized."

Quinn nodded slowly. They didn't want to do anything else. They felt a pair of headphones being slipped over their ears. Through them, they could hear soft music playing and Dr. Moon's voice coaxing them to fall asleep, to be obedient and docile, to love the experience of being brainwashed.

They were much, much too sleepy to resist. Besides, they wanted to please Dr. Moon.

They should just listen, let Dr. Moon do all the thinking for them, and fall deep into trance.

"Sleep and obey…" they heard their own voice saying. "Deeper asleep and deeper entranced… too sleepy to resist… I love being brainwashed… I must obey Dr. Moon…"

Their eyelids were getting heavier again, the entrancing spiral a colorful blur, as they repeated the mantras and fell so deep into hypnotic sleep.

They weren't sure how long they remained there, eyes half-open, staring into the spiral. Time seemed to have no meaning. It could've been five minutes and it could've been five months.

"…so happy that you were brainwashed. Three. You'll be docile and obedient. Two. You'll be relaxed and refreshed. And one. You can open your eyes and wake."

Quinn opened their eyes just as the screen turned off, yawning and rubbing the sleep from their eyes. They felt so, so utterly relaxed, like they'd just had the world's finest spa treatment. Like that was the first really good sleep they'd had in years.

They were still in their chair in the clinical room. The machines were quietly beeping, and the bag of drugs attached to the IV looked mostly empty. They were more than content to just rest for a while and see what would happen next, floating in a cloud of bliss.

It didn't take long before Dr. Moon entered. "Why, hello Quinn. Welcome back to the waking world. Did you have a good nap?"

"The best," they said. "I feel amazing."

"Oh, I'm so glad. You really needed that sleep and mental readjustment," said Dr. Moon. "Here, have some water and a nutrition bar."

Quinn eagerly took the food and water. It hadn't really been something they had thought about, but they actually were hungry.

"Did you enjoy the movie?" asked Dr. Moon.

"It was wonderful," said Quinn. "It feels so right to be hypnotized and not have to think for myself. I didn't realize how badly I needed that."

"Oh, you're such a model subject. I think you might be one of my favorites," said Dr. Moon as Quinn beamed in pride. "You're taking to the brainwashing so, so well. I agree, I really think it's exactly what you needed. And you're going to get another round with a new movie -- but first I wanted to give you a little break."

"Thank you," said Quinn through a mouthful of nutrition bar. They couldn't wait to see what the new movie would be like.

"First, though…" Dr. Moon nonchalantly pulled a capped syringe from her lab coat pocket, injecting the contents into the IV line. "We call this one Loose Lips. It's a truth serum. You're probably too hypnotized to really need it, but I want to make sure you're completely honest with me when I ask you embarrassing and invasive questions about your personal life."

Quinn nodded. "That makes sense."

"First off, how do you feel about your boss?"

They frowned, annoyance just barely managing to push through their drugged calm. "She's driving me insane with their unreasonable demands. She's constantly calling me in to work on nights and weekends because we're so short-staffed, and then she acts like it's my fault that I'm burned out. She wastes my time with boring, pointless meetings, and when there's some kind of problem, she micromanages me and keeps asking for status updates when I just need to concentrate on fixing it." The grievances poured out of their mouth easily.

"That sounds really rough," said Dr. Moon sympathetically. "You should tell me everything you know about your boss. I'm very interested. And after that, maybe you can tell me all about your insecurities, secret fantasies, and embarrassing fetishes."

"Sure!" said Quinn, so eager to be obedient and useful.

Dr. Moon questioned Quinn for a while, and Quinn found that they could answer all of their questions easily and in great depth without a hint of shame. It was really nice to be able to speak so freely. Dr. Moon was such a kind, understanding person.

"You've done so well for me," said Dr. Moon. "I couldn't ask for a better test subject. I think it's time for you to get another round of brainwashing, don't you think?"

"Yes, please!" said Quinn with a big smile. "I'm so lucky that I get to spend an entire month in the Brainwashing Department. Do you think I could transfer permanently?"

"I think that would be an excellent idea. We'll see. But for now, I need to change out your IV medication, okay?" Dr. Moon switched the nearly empty bag for a full one. "This formulation is a little different. I've reduced the Liquid Lullaby and added a little River Lethe. That's our best and most gentle amnestic -- a medication that interferes with memory formation and produces amnesia."

"Amnesia…?" said Quinn, feeling a strange bit of anxiety, the first they'd felt since waking.

"You'll be less sleepy this time, but don't worry, you'll be every bit as hypnotized and blissed-out. You're not going to remember the next few hours, though. You probably won't remember much of this conversation, either," said Dr. Moon. "This new medication will leave you feeling pretty fuzzy for a while after your treatment, too. Is all of that okay with you?"

The anxiety was dissolved by their desire to please the doctor. "Of course it's okay. Whatever you think is best." The new drug was already dripping steadily into their veins. It was strange to think that it was already at work in their brain, that they wouldn't be able to remember any of this.

"Then you can just sit back and enjoy your new favorite TV show," said Dr. Moon, turning the screen on again. This time, it was a scene of slow moving clouds floating by.

Quinn barely noticed when Dr. Moon dimmed the lights and left the room, the drugs and the voices in their headphones already turning their mind into useless mush, fit only to listen and obey. After all, they were so sleepy, and the hypnotic program was far too good to resist.

Previous > Masterlist > Next

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

got any silly voxval headcannons? (Maybe velvette too idk)

like for example who cooks out of the three of them

Of course you can <3 I'm a really angsty girlie so I don't know how silly they actually are but there you go:

None of them can cook, but that's not really a problem for Vox and Velvette. Vox could survive on plain bread and black coffee for eternity, while Velvette could eat only candies. Val, on the other hand, is the ultimate hedonist. He's all about the tasty, full-fat fast food or gourmet stuff, and he's always pushing for takeout. Come on, guys, we're fucking rich, let's order something. Sure, they could hire someone to cook for them, but Vox is too paranoid to let an outsider near their food. He's still on the hunt for a chef who can match Val's extravagant tastes and is willing to sign off soul. If they had to pick someone to cook, Vox would probably be the best bet since he's the only one who can actually follow a recipe.

Velvette is the smartest when it comes to managing finances. Vox technically doesn't like to waste money but he has a taste for luxurious stuff, he can't resist an expensive car, fucking show-off. Valentino basically burns money on every useless shit he likes, I bet those crystals he badazzled his gun with were real diamons.

Velvette helps Val maintain his fluff, and he styles her hair. It's a cute little trade-off they've got going on.

Valentino has a habit of breaking electronic devices and downloading malware. Vox hates him for it.

Vox can easily go 72h without sleep, fueled by coke and rage. Valentino occasionally drugs his coffee to put him down to sleep, because after 68th hour all electronics in the tower starts malfunctioning.

Val used to be a full-time performer, but now he's more like a RuPaul—lending his face to the brand and only occasionally gracing the stage. But every time he does perform, Vox makes sure to be there front and center.

Their schedules are very incompatible and they have to spend a lot of time managing their businesses but they have weekly appointments to do catch up and discuss strategy. Those are usually very unserious, they end up hitting the bong and playing Mario Cart.

There was this one time Vox tried hitting on Velvette because she's totally his type. It was awkward as hell, and they both agreed to never speak of it again. Valentino has no idea about it.

Valentino would really want to have a dog but Vox really likes dogs so he doesn't allow him to get one by imposing strict anti-pet policy in the tower.

Val knows all of Vox's and Velvette's kinks and sometimes produces custom porn for them as gifts.

As much as they love spending time together, Val and Velvette can't stand watching TV with Vox because he gets overly emotional and doesn't allow to skip commercials because he enjoys them

Vox occasionally invites Val to be a guest judge on reality shows, which always skyrockets ratings but sometimes ends nasty for the contestants.

Val's obsessed with textures, especially nice fabrics. Give him a nice fluffy blanket and he will shut up for 15 minutes fixated on touching it.

Vox, with his business and strategic management degree, sometimes tries to pitch these ideas to Velvette and Valentino, he's like Guys, have you considered using the BCG matrix? Ever heard of SWOT analysis? We should discuss KPIs. They mock him relentlessly for it.

Val once tried putting drag makeup on Vox's face, and let's just say the result was... less than glamorous.

During their honeymoon phase, Vox and Val fucked everywhere. At first, Velvette found it amusing, but eventually, she grew to hate it. She finally snapped when she found out they'd fucked on the dinner table and she set it on fire.

Val "secretly" ghostwrote some trashy smut novels (they are absolutely horrible, worst Wattpad shit you could dig out). Vox secretly bought and read every single one, finding plenty of references to himself along the way.

Vox loves it when Val wears stripper platforms, even though it makes their height difference even more ridiculous.

Valentino's wardrobe takes two entire rooms and still expands. Vox doesn't know how to stop it.

Vox owns a few lingerie sets, only because Val loses his fucking mind whenever he wears them. Velvette designed them herself and keeps photos of Vox wearing them as blackmail material, just in case.

[polkadotpenguin16]

The Five Stages of Grief: Prologue

Broken promises and unspoken words bring your relationship with Sonny Carisi to the edge. You both mourn what was lost and wonder if you can find each other again.

A/N: waaaay back in like March, I came to @misscharlielulu with a silly headcanon, and she helped evolve it into a full-fledged story. Massive shout-out to @escapingrealtiylovinginsanity who so kindly reviewed my drafts and gave me excellent notes. Extra huge thank you to both these lovelies <3

Pairing: Sonny Carisi x female reader

Tags: much angst; super brief mention of SVU-related violence; anti-Rollisi content; I am not a writer - this is literally the first story I’ve ever written, so read at your own risk

Word count: 3K+ (I know it’s long, I’m sorry!)

This was it – tonight was finally date night. It was long overdue. Two months and five days to be exact. Whenever you and Sonny tried making plans to spend some quality time together, things just never worked out. The first night, you two were supposed to see a movie and get some gelato. Sonny called around noon saying he wouldn’t be back in time. “No big deal,” you told him. You wanted to make him feel better since you knew he felt bad about canceling. The second night, you were going to try a new Chinese restaurant that opened near the Brooklyn apartment you shared. You had almost finished your makeup when he called to say a case just came in and it was all hands on deck.

“I’m sorry, doll. I know I’m letting you down again.”

“Don’t worry about it, Sonny.” You tried to keep your voice light. You didn’t want him to hear how disappointed you were. “You’ve got people who need your help. I get it. Your job’s more important than some greasy Chinese food.”

“It’s not more important than you.” You believed him, although a small part of you was beginning to have doubts. “I’m gonna make this up to you, I swear to God.”

Tonight was attempt number three, and he wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to make it up to you. He made reservations at a very nice restaurant in Midtown. “Only the best for my girl,” he told you earlier this week. “And I wanna see you in that red dress I love.”

That’s exactly what you were wearing. A velvet, off-the-shoulder dress with a skirt that whimsically twirled as you moved. You spent more than an hour curling your hair and putting on your makeup. You felt like a million bucks and couldn’t wait for him to see you.

You sat in a cushy booth, nursing a glass of rosé while waiting for Sonny to arrive. You really needed this time with him, and you were sure he felt the same way. Your paths had barely crossed recently between his late nights and early mornings. During the few moments you were able to connect, you noticed how distant he was. His furrowed brow was becoming a permanent fixture on his face. You were worried about him, afraid he was spreading himself too thin. His job seemed to be taking a toll on him.

That’s actually how you met. You were a receptionist at a small bank, and he showed up one day to interview your colleague. When he came back a week later for a follow-up, he asked you out for coffee. You knew the broad strokes of the kinds of cases he investigated, but anything he shared with you was surface-level. He told you he felt fulfilled helping the victims. He had gone to law school and passed the bar to become a better cop. He liked his colleagues: his lieutenant, the ADA, but especially his partner, Amanda.

From the few times you’d met, it was easy to see why Sonny was so fond of her. He told you she was one of the best detectives he’d ever worked with. She spoke very intelligently about her work. Her southern accent made her voice incredibly engaging, even if you didn’t completely understand the intricacies of the conversation. She was impressively quick-witted. She and Sonny were always cracking inside jokes that flew over your head. She was also very beautiful. Stunningly tall and her blonde hair was always perfectly primped.

Sonny also told you she was a single mother who didn’t have any support system here in New York, which is why he tried to help her out as much as he could. He’d offer to watch her kids or help her with errands. They often went out for drinks after they’d closed a case, whether it be a good one or bad one.  Sonny and Amanda were exceptionally close…

And you would be lying if you said that didn’t make you feel insecure. You and Sonny would be having dinner together and he would be texting her on his phone, focused on a completely different conversation. She’d call evenings and weekends needing help and he’d drop everything to assist.

It made you feel inadequate.

You felt like you weren’t interesting enough to keep his attention. Weren’t smart enough to talk with him about his work. He didn’t trust you enough to confide in. Not like he did Amanda. All the things you felt like you lacked, you saw in her. Not that you would ever mention any of this to Sonny. How could you? She was his partner, his friend.

Best friend.

No one likes a jealous girlfriend. No, this was a “you” problem to sort out. You should just enjoy whatever time with him you have. Like tonight.

You took a break from picking apart your sourdough roll to check the time. 7:45. You tried not to worry – it wasn’t unlike Sonny to be a little late. You decided to wait a little longer before checking in. You didn’t want to nag.

8 o’clock rolled around and you couldn’t help it any longer, so you decided to shoot him a text.

Hi sunshine, let me know when you’re on your way :)

Another 30 minutes passed when your game of Candy Crush was interrupted by his reply.

Hey doll, I’m gonna be home late. I’m taking Rollins home and helping her get the kids in bed. You don’t have to wait up for me, I’ll see you in the morning.

You read the text again, and one more time to be certain. Because you must’ve been mistaken. He couldn’t have forgotten tonight, and he would never stand you up. Date nights were so important to Sonny. He used to text you all day about how excited he was, and he’d always show up early because he couldn’t wait to see you. Yet here you were. He ditched you for Amanda.

Again.

You asked the waiter to bring you the check for the drink you had. Utterly sick to your stomach, there was no way you would be ordering anything to eat, no matter how good the place smelled. You held back your tears and walked out of the restaurant to go home.

You kicked off your shoes when you arrived, then walked into the bathroom. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and paused. You saw your hair that you’d done up so nicely, your makeup that you spent so long trying to get just right, and your dress…that goddamn red dress.

You finally let yourself cry. The tears came hard and fast. You not-so-gracefully wiggled your dress off. It felt like you were in a straitjacket. Once you managed to get it unfastened, you chucked it into the hallway. You collapsed on the floor, overwhelmed by all the emotions you’d been holding back.

Disappointment, anger, betrayal. But more than anything, loneliness. And honestly, you’ve felt alone for a while. So many questions were floating in your head. Did he still love me? Did he ever? Or was Amanda always there between you? Did he…did he love her?

Your body began to shake. You were confronted by all the insecurities you’d been repressing. The walls of the bathroom felt like they were closing in. It was suffocating. The air was wrenched from your lungs as they squeezed tighter and tighter around you. You needed to get out of there.

You shakily stood up and started pacing frantically around your apartment. When you made it to the living room, you stopped in front of the fireplace. On the mantle were a dozen or so framed photos. Some of just you Sonny had taken, but most with both of you. At the park, at an Islander’s game, and your first anniversary. Seeing all these memories made you grieve the relationship you thought you had had.

Was it all a lie?

You weren’t sure anymore but knew you wouldn’t be able to figure anything out while in that apartment.

Through your tears, you scroll through your phone to find your best friend’s number. It was late, but she was a night owl, you knew she’d answer.

“What’s up, girlfriend?” You could hear her munching on chips and what sounded like a Star Wars movie playing in the background.

“Um, hey…” You tried to keep your voice even, but she saw right through it.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She knew you too well.

“Nothing, I-I just…I hate to even ask…can I stay at your place?”

“Of course you can,” she soothed immediately. “You always have a place here. What’s going on?”

The story came out in a depressing, uninterrupted stream. You thought you’d feel lighter getting everything off your chest, but you didn’t.

“Oh, my God, that’s…wow.” You heard the shock at how Sonny had been acting turn into a sympathetic wince. “I’m so sorry, babe.”

“I don’t even know what to do anymore,” you muttered, fighting back your tears.

“You’re coming over here and we’ll sort things out. Want me to pick you up?”

“No, I can get a ride. Just…thank you.”

“None needed, you’d do the same for me.”

You pulled your duffel bag out of the closet and started chaotically packing. Grabbing things haphazardly off the bathroom counter. Pulling clothes out of drawers without paying attention to whether they matched. You didn’t care. You needed to put distance between you and that apartment so you could clear your mind and think about the future of your relationship.

Sonny was starting to get a little worried. He hadn’t heard from you since his last text, which you didn’t respond to. He always worried about you, but this was different. Stirring a pot of marinara with one hand, he pulled his phone out of his pocket with the other.

He just had to check one more time.

He was interrupted by two tiny, blonde tornadoes running laps around his legs. He had to admit that while Rollins’ girls were adorable, they could be a bit distracting. He sat his phone down and playfully chased them back into their room so he could get back to finishing dinner. He didn't even think about it again until after they finished eating. By then, it was too late to call since you were probably sleeping.

It had been such a long day. He was up before 5 and didn’t clock out until nearly 8. They’d been working on a difficult case that left the team feeling torn. A little boy disappeared in the night, kidnapped by his nanny. Once they found him, it sadly appeared that the boy would’ve been better off with his kidnapper than his irresponsible parents. As everyone left, he noticed something was up with Rollins. When probed, she said that the case had gotten to her. She was having doubts about whether she was a good enough mother and if she could take care of her kids alone. So, he offered to give her a ride and cook dinner for them. How could she say no to that?

He thought Rollins was a great partner and admired her. When he first joined, he even had a crush on her. However, she made it clear she was not interested. He had since moved on from those feelings. He still cared about her, but in a brotherly way. She didn’t come from a tight-knit family like him. His Italian genes wouldn’t let him sit back and not help when he saw her struggle. That was Sonny’s job: helping people and fixing things.

After herding the girls into bed and making sure Rollins ate, he made his way home. He could barely keep his eyes open as he drove. God, was he tired. Not just from today. They’d been understaffed for months, so he’d been picking up extra shifts. Between the mandatory overtime, dealing with his sisters, and trying to support Rollins, he felt like he didn’t have much left to give. The only thing keeping him going was you. He couldn’t wait to lay in bed and cuddle up beside you. Somehow you made all the bad things in the world right. You didn’t even have to do anything. Your presence was enough to chase away the demons that haunted him.

He quietly closed the front door to not wake you. He heard rustling coming from the bedroom. Looking down the hall, he saw light peering from the ajar door. You must’ve been awake. He was delighted he would have a few minutes to chat with you before falling asleep. Walking down the hallway, he noticed a small pile of red fabric on the floor. Confused but too tired to care, he walked past it to the bedroom. Opening the door, he saw you rummaging through the closet.

“Hey, doll, glad you’re still up,” he mumbled. He then noticed the half-filled duffel bag in the middle of the room. “What’s with the bag? Going on a trip?” He asked with a chuckle.

You hesitated for a second before turning to face him. His stomach immediately dropped when he saw your eyes were rimmed with red, and mascara was streaking down your cheeks. It was clear you’d been crying.

“Oh, my god, what happened?” He quickly approached you to check if you were alright.

You dodged his advance and returned to packing, leaving Sonny puzzled. He paused to take stock of the situation in front of him. He didn’t see any blood or bruises, so you probably weren’t hurt. You were obviously upset about something. Was it because he came home late? And why were you packing a bag at this hour…

It finally clicked what was happening and alarm bells went off in his head.

“Hey, slow down!” He started taking things out of your bag. “Look, I’m sorry I was home late. Rollins—she was having a hard time, and I was trying to help—”

Without acknowledging him, you picked the bag off the floor and moved it to the bed, out of his reach. You didn’t want to hear excuses, nor did you want to hear about that woman. The air in the room felt painfully thick, making it hard to breathe. You wanted to get out of there, to clear your mind.

Sonny’s confusion spiraled into irritation. He was practically dead on his feet. The last thing he wanted was to deal with you having some kind of tantrum. “Come on, doll, aren’t you being a bit dramatic here?”

You finally stopped and stared him straight in the eye. “Well,” your voice was deceptively calm, “getting stood up by your boyfriend can have that effect on you.”

“Stood up? What’re you talking—”

Date night. Shit. The reservations. Oh SHIT. The red dress in the hallway…

His eyes went big, and his heart hit the floor. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry—”

You felt tears starting to well up again. You bit your lower lip and went back to packing.

Sonny just stood there, rubbing the back of his neck. His first instinct was to go and touch you, but he knew better than to do that right now. He just wanted to hold you. To make all this go away. He hated seeing you cry, and knowing he was the reason? He wanted to puke. If he could just get you to listen, he could fix this.

“What’re doing? Doll, please stop,” he frantically asked.

“I’m going to my friend’s place.” You didn’t even look up. “I’m tired of being an afterthought, Sonny. I need some time to think.”

“Think about what? Sweetheart, please just talk to me.” He was grasping at straws trying to get you stop. “I-I’m sorry, just—I can fix this—will you please just stop for a second—"

But you weren’t stopping, and he was getting frustrated. Why wouldn’t you just talk to him?

“So that’s it then. You’re solving this by walking out on me?” He accused with venom in his voice. “If I hadn’t come home just now, you wouldn’t even be here!” His arms started flailing and his voice got louder and louder with each word. “Is that all this relationship meant to you? That you’d just pick up and leave after a mistake? No discussion, no talking, NOTHING?!”

His shouting startled you, making you stop dead in your tracks. You clench your eyes shut and your hands begin to tremble.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He immediately softened his tone and held his hands in front of him, trying to look less intimidating. “I shouldn’t have yelled.”

He regretted raising his voice as soon as the words left his lips. He didn’t mind getting loud and angry at a perp, but he always tried to leave “Detective Carisi” at the precinct. Home was sacred, where he could be soft and gentle. With you, he was just “Sonny” or your “sunshine.” He hoped he still could be.

“Listen to me, please,” he begged. “You’ve got every right to be mad at me. I screwed up, big time, and I couldn’t be more sorry about that.” You looked at him, still shaken, with tears rolling down your cheeks. He realized there was nothing he could do to fix this tonight. It was too much. “Look, it’s late. You’re tired, I’m tired—let’s sleep on this,” he proposed. “I understand you need some space, so I’ll sleep on the couch. The room is all yours. Just…please don’t go.”

You were on the brink of losing control, too overwhelmed by everything. You couldn’t stay. You shook your head. “I have spent too many nights alone in this bedroom, Sonny. I-I need to go.”

That shattered him.

“Okay, I hear you.” He was trying to figure out how to salvage this. “Just for tonight. You’ll come back tomorrow, and we’ll work this out.”

Your phone pinged from where it sat on the dresser. “My ride’s here, I’ve gotta go.”

“You’re coming back tomorrow, okay?” He pleaded. But you walked right past him. “Will you please text me when you get there so I know you’re safe?”

The closing of the front door echoed throughout the now silent apartment. Sonny stood there dumbfounded. He looked at the chaos of half-opened drawers and things thrown about. Something caught his eye in the corner of the room. His gray Fordham hoodie.

It was your favorite and you had claimed it as your own. It was left folded on the chair. You didn’t take it with you. He picked it up and stared at it. You wore it practically every day because it smelled like him and comforted you, and you didn’t take it with you. Somehow this hurt more than anything else that night. He wadded the ratty sweater up and hurled it across the room.

[saraannereads]

On the portrayal of Illyrian culture in ACOTAR

I’m Sara - by ethnic origin, I am Arabic and Turkish. I was othered my entire childhood and dealt with seriously atrocious racist attacks.

As I got older, those things lessened and people started assuming I was white or biracial in part due to my having dyed my hair blonde.

Since then, I’ve experienced racism of a different kind - I get told I am a “shallow white girl” who doesn’t have the right to speak about issues facing POC by people from all different ethnicities.

I’ve had enough of that. I may not look like your typical WOC but I am a woman of color. And I will not be silenced.

Why I am not offended by the portrayal of Illyrian culture in Sarah J Maas’s books:

1. I’m from a Muslim family and grew up going to mosques in the Western World, where some of the very oppressive and sexist ideals about women and their place in society were preached from the stands and actively shared by members of the community.

2. I was chronically shamed by my peers in the community for being into my education and for wearing makeup or for daring to speak to boys.

3. The above happened in the United States in the community I grew up in because oppressive, sexist ideals travel across immigration. I clawed my way out of this community and will never look back.

3. Honor killings still happen where I’m from. To this day.

4. Genital mutilation still happens in the regions where I’m from to this day.

5. Women are not allowed to drive in some countries in the region where I’m from to this day.

6. Women are publicly beaten or stoned to death in those regions to this day.

7. Women have to be fully covered up when they leave the house in the region where I’m from to this day.

8. Women are silenced and told not to speak in public - even just to talk to someone - and not to leave their houses without a male chaperone in the region where I’m from to this day.

9. Women are glorified birthing vessels and it is socially accepted for men to have multiple wives to have as many children as possible in the region where I’m from to this day.

10. Women do not have full equality or even basic, fundamental human rights in the the region where I’m from to this day.

How does this relate to Illyrian culture and ACOTAR?

Do I really need to explain the answer to that? I realize that some people may have grown up in Middle Eastern families and not had the experience I had. Some of my experience is also due to Islamic religious ideas and not simply cultural ideals. And there are some people who may love where they came from and have had a radically different experience than my own. That does NOT make my experience less valid, nor does it make my criticisms of the culture and countries I’m referring to less valid or accurate.

To me, the portrayal of the Illyrians is an accurate representation of what goes on in some pockets of the mid east, and for that very reason, I’m not offended.

In fact, wing clipping is essentially the fictional version of genital mutilation, which still happens in the cultures that people say Illyria is inspired by.

It is not racist to look at something and call it out for what it is. If I were to say, every single ME person I’ve ever met adheres to some of the more fundamentalist and sexist rhetoric I heard and continue to see, that would be racist and untrue.

The reality is there will also always be people who attack Sarah J Maas because she’s Jewish, especially at this time with conversations about Zionism running rampant. I married a Jewish man. I’ve seen anti-semitism firsthand. I also saw it growing up among the more nationalistic people I grew up with who hated the idea of an Israeli country.

What you can do:

Stand up for women around the world who don’t enjoy the same freedoms you do, and quit picking fights about a book series. Look to solve real problems instead of making some up.

Note - If you attack me in the comments, I will not respond. I will immediately block. This was not an easy post for me to make in any way, and I feel vulnerable having shared so much.

[deakyjoe]

Do you mind if I ask a question about the band Ghost please?

I’m (very confused) around the numbered what seems like lead singers? Are they all the same person but different times/phases? Not sure if it makes sense. I find it so interesting when you post about them but I just can’t figure it out!

Oh my god, my time has come… here is a guide to the Papas (lead singers) of Ghost:

So first off let me start by clarifying that the band members of Ghost (Papas as lead singers and Nameless Ghouls as instrumentalists and backing vocalists) are all characters. They’re a group of folks in masks and makeup. There’s a lot of lore and backstory around the band but we won’t touch on that too much here. I’ll just talk about the Papas - the anti-pope leads. (Also the following will contain Rite Here Rite Now/Ghovie spoilers!!)

Ok so the lead singers we’ve had in Ghost so far have been Papa Emeritus I (Primo), Papa Emeritus II (Secondo), Papa Emeritus III (Terzo) and Cardinal Copia who was eventually promoted to being Papa Emeritus IV. These lead singer characters are all half brothers (their father is Papa Nihil who we’ll discuss briefly later) and all pretty much have their own albums (few EPs and live albums in there too but I won’t bore you with those).

All the lead singers of Ghost, all Emeritus brothers, have been played by this guy - Tobias Forge!

He writes and sings all of the songs, does the majority of studio work too from what I understand. So whilst there have been several “different” lead singers of Ghost due to the role being taken over by new Papas, technically they’re all Tobias in masks.

First Papa we had in the early days (around 2010 - 2012) was Primo (Papa Emeritus I). He’s the hardest to find photos/footage of since it was the beginnings. I always affectionately refer to him as “The Old One” since he was supposed to be about 80. His album was Opus Eponymous.

Next up we had Secondo (Papa Emeritus II) for a couple years (around 2012 - 2015). His face is the one that makes an appearance on a lot of Ghost merch I find. I think of him as “The Bald One” (lovingly of course). His album was Infestissumam.

Then we had Terzo (Papa Emeritus III) for a while (around 2015 - 2017) before he was dramatically ripped off stage and (maybe) decapitated. He’s only supposed to be 3 months younger than Secondo. I call him “The Hot One” because he’s fine as hell. His album was Meliora.

Then there was a dramatic shift in the way things worked. We were out of Emeritus brothers as they kept “retiring” (supposedly according to the lore) but it’s okay because a lovely little Cardinal came along to save the day! Introducing: Cardinal Copia!! To me he’s “Just A Little Guy” which is the most accurate description of him you’ll ever hear I promise you. (Also when Copia took over it was revealed that the previous Papas had been “killed”.) His album was Prequelle.

Eventually Copia was promoted to being Papa Emeritus IV (it had been pretty heavily implied up until that point that he was also an Emeritus half brother) which meant he could wear the Papa paints now. Also Copia is my personal favourite. Copia got a second album with Impera.

We had Copia from 2018 - now (he’s just been promoted again to Frater Imperator so will probably no longer be frontman for the band). This means Papa Emeritus V will be introduced at some point (probably Copia’s twin which was a detail revealed in Rite Here Rite Now - the recent Ghost concert movie).

But going back to Papa Nihil (the father of all the Emeritus brothers). I would like to make it clear that Ghost formed in 2006 and released their first demos in 2010 but according to their lore they go back to at least the 1960s. Which is when Nihil was frontman for the group. Nihil is not played by Tobias Forge, he’s had different actors for both his old and young versions, but his songs are sung by him (e.g. the hit song Mary On A Cross). Nihil has not been lead singer for the band on stage at any point (though he does make appearances and play the sax at some of them). Nihil has an EP called Seven Inches of Satanic Panic (“originally” from 1969 and then “re-released” in 2019) which features Mary On A Cross and Kiss The Go-Goat. (Also has an additional song revealed recently - The Future Is A Foreign Land.)

So essentially all the Papas are different characters but all played by the same guy. They have different faces (masks) and makeup, different personalities, different mannerisms, and slightly different singing voices (Tobias switches up the way he sings songs slightly between Papas) as well as talking voices. There’s way more to it all (which you can read about on any fan website, or even Wikipedia,) as the lore is pretty extensive for a silly little satanic band. I’d recommend watching The Chapters on YouTube if you’re interested in more. Also Papaganda Parts 1 and 2 which are pretty funny. There’s also a few helpful videos on YouTube that discuss the Ghost timeline in way more depth.

Sorry if this was a little too much rambling but it’s difficult to be concise with Ghost. Hope this all makes sense. Thanks, anon, for the question as I love to talk about anything I’m interested in!!