#i will always appreciate the friendships made because of the fandom and seeing gatherings like this

[accio-victuuri]

95 celebration video by 王铁牛之母 ❤️💛💚

"The stars are shining in the sky, and I am not alone when I am illuminated" ✨

[breezypunk]

How do you get so much love for your Cyberpunk 2077 screenshots? I spend hours posing, setting up lights etc etc but I get 0 love. Ok, I'm definitely not a professional photographer, but 0? Teach me, plsssss.

Oh my goodness, I need to gather my thoughts for this because as someone whose struggled with this for a long time, I understand 100% how you feel right now and I just want to give you a bit of advice.

I'm not a professional either, and what I mean by struggle is that when I first came into this fandom I came in with nothing. I hardly got any notes or any recognition for my posts as well.. Granted I was on console and console users sadly don't get the love they deserve, and I think they deserve just as much love if not more from people, and that doesn't happen, it's a fact.

When I started using mods and got on PC, I still barely got anything, and it started becoming a struggle for me because I fed off of validation and approval from others, and that is something I still struggle with to this day, maybe not as much, but I def still do and I think most people in this fandom do. No one can say they don't crave validation, we ALL do, if we didn't we would post n o t h i n g. And while I do agree that we should post for ourselves, we also post because when we do something we are super proud of, we want others to see it and enjoy it as well and there's NOTHING wrong with that at all. We reblog our things multiple times to push it out so other's can see (and because the algorithm truly sucks, just my opinion).

I was desperate for validation because I craved interaction and friendship, that's all I ever wanted, and I wanted to bond with people I have the same interests in and because of my desperate need for it I made enemies, still to this day. It only makes you feel icky on the inside when you're constantly trying to appease others, and while it's normal to want validation, it's not normal to only do it for that and that alone. I don't know who you are anon, and I cannot "teach" you, simply because what you're doing right now is good enough, not even good, it's great & regardless of how many people interact with your VP, you are good enough and you shouldn't stop, because if you love it that's the #1 most important thing. But also don't be afraid to reblog your stuff! Reblog it as often as you like.

Also, P.S.. I am still not always proud of what I do. I still get a little envious, it's human nature, I'm on a shitty laptop with horrible graphics and I can't do much with it, but I love taking VP, it's a passion and I will do it no matter how it looks. You should do it too, the best part of doing it is doing it because you enjoy it with no regrets. Sometimes this fandom will make you feel like you have to be the very best or at the very top for people to interact with you or enjoy your VP/art, and sometimes that's true, mostly it's true... but there are still good people here who genuinely appreciate all forms of VP, whether it's console, modding, gorgeous lighting, no lighting at all, etc. It's all beautiful, and at the end of the day, that validation is gonna come and go anyway. But you will continue to look at your art and go "yeaaaaah, I did that :)"

So please don't feel upset for getting "0" love, cos I promise someone loves it.

[numericalbridge]

Title: Shards

Fandom: The Owl House

Rating: G

Word count: 2967

Characters: Darius, Odalia, Alador, the previous Golden Guard (Luca)

Summary:

My take on the friendship break-up between Darius and his friends.

*

He whirled around, his new cloak billowing in a swoosh of fabric. And in the mirror his reflection whirled around, colours bright. Neat. Darius stopped and stroked a gallant pose, just like he’d seen his grandpa do in the old Crystal Ball recordings. Almost right. But for the play he’d need to be even more dramatic.

“Like Flexor the Brave, the hero of Ulna...”

“You mean the loser who threw away his life in that one battle?”

The voice nearly made Darius jump.

“Odalia!”

She stood in the doorway of the prop room, arms crossed, looking smug. “If you ask me, it was a pity his family had to suffer because of him. What a waste of magical talent,” she sighed.

“Do you need to be such a cynic?” He wanted to show off his costume, but he doubted she would appreciate it.

“A cynic?” She put her hand over her heart. “I just payed attention during the class.”

She strolled into the room, and a moment later Alador trudged in after her. He looked kind of uneasy, Darius noticed when they did their special handshake. Odalia raised an eyebrow at the prop swords that gathered dust in the corner, “And here you are, playing pretend in this filthy room like a kid.”

“It’s called acting, Odalia,” Darius scoffed. “You can pretend to be sooo grown up and like everything is beneath you, but guess who got the lead role? I did.”

“Sure. Anyway...” she crossed her arms again, then uncrossed them. “We…” she shot a pointed look at Alador, who had wondered over to the other side of the room, “wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Really? Is this about your future wedding?” he winked at her.

“Darius, please,” she blushed deep crimson. “I swear, you’ve been so unusually childish lately! This is a serious conversation. And I mean it!”

Wow, forceful. For a moment she sounded almost like her grandmother.

Darius looked questioningly at Alador, who squirmed, but nodded and then turned away to inspect some carvings on a small worktable. Strange.

“Alright then, what’s the matter?” Darius relented. He put his hand on his hip, checked the reflection in the mirror. The pose was sufficiently graceful and unbothered. But he just wanted to try on his costume and rehearse the role, and then he wanted to play abomination battles with Alador. He barely had time for anything since his training with Luca had started! Sometimes he even had to skip his walks with grandpa. But Luca would say that avoiding a serious conversation with his friends was immature.

“This is about the Golden Guard,” Odalia's voice was terse.

“Luca?” Why would she bring him up?

“Yes, this Luca... You’re always busy training with him, talking about him, how great he is…” She rolled her eyes. Was she... jealous? So weird. “You even missed my Oracle Convention,” she continued.

“And you never have time for our abomination battles anymore!” Alador chimed in. He created a small shaggy-looking abomination and made it run circles on the table.

“I… Well, OK, I’m sorry,” he supposed he could see why his friends were unhappy, even if he always warned them that he would be busy. It isn’t Luca’s fault, though. “I won’t miss your Convention next time, I swear! And I’ll find time for our battles too.” He pointed a finger and created a small crew of little guys to chase Alador’s abomination. “This whole thing with the mentorship is just a rare opportunity to see by myself how the Emperor's Coven works, Luca says. But I won’t miss another time when you need me to cheer for you…”

“Yeah, there might not be another time,” Odalia interrupted him.

What? That came out of nowhere… Is she… Darius’s stomach dropped.

“Are you, like, fatally ill?!” he blurted out. This can’t be real!

“What? No!” she sputtered. “Of course not!” Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t tease me like this, Deamonne,” she sounded like her grandmother again. “I am thinking about what is best for you here, even if it’s unpleasant to hear.”

“Alright, alright, sorry!” I really thought… his ears burned. “I’m glad you’re OK.” The embarrassment was going to eat him alive.

“And you know what is not good for you? That Golden Guard!” She caught Alador, who was clearly trying to sneak out of the room, by the elbow. “Everyone knows it!”

What?

“My aunt mentioned it too,” Alador whispered.

“What are you two talking about?” Darius clenched his fists. They were surely annoying him on purpose! “Stop being so vague and just explain!”

“We are telling you! My parents, my uncles, Alador’s family – they all say that the Golden Guard has fallen out of the Emperor’s favour, and everyone with connections to the Castle knows it. They say he has angered the Emperor, and his position within the Covens is extremely perilous.”

Was that true? She wouldn’t lie like that, of course, but did Luca know? He promised to show me his favourite fishing spot, he looked happy… Darius’s hand gripped the hem of his cloak. Did he miss the signs of his mentor’s troubles? Just like that, so caught up in the excitement and the novelty of the mentorship...

“If, if it’s true, then we need to warn him!”

“Oh, I bet he knows,” Odalia suddenly leaned in and touched him on the shoulder. “He displeases the Emperor constantly, so he probably doesn’t care, thinks he is irreplaceable. Or... or maybe he believes he is stronger than the Emperor. Won’t surprise me if he thinks himself invincible, that brute...”

“Don’t call him that!” Darius swatted her hand away. How dare she? She liked to tease and was at times judgmental, but not like this! He looked over at Alador for help. His best friend since preschool. Alador was staring at the abominations, mouth downturned like he was solving a difficult equation.

“Luca is smart, and he cares,” Darius insisted. “And all you do is repeat some stupid gossip!”

Odalia groaned. “Listen! This is serious. When he falls, he’ll take you down with him.”

Darius shook his head. Luca would have a plan... Would he? He insists he is a humble soldier, not a politician… Darius’s hand found the side of his cloak again. The fabric was rough to the touch.

“And, maybe it’s just a gossip for now, and maybe he does care,” Odalia shrugged. So confident, even smug. But her speech was getting faster. “Or maybe he won’t hesitate to throw some high schooler under the falling blimp! He is the Emperor's Coven personified, they say, and everyone in the Emperor's Coven is cut-throat.”

“You don’t know him!” Why can’t she just leave him be?

“Well, even if not, he is a danger – to you, and your future career, even to your family’s prosperity! Do you understand, Darius?” she grabbed his shoulders again. “You have to cut your ties with him, until it’s too late!” She shook him. The nerve!

“Ah, stop this, just stop!” He freed himself from her grasp. “He’s my mentor, I can’t just abandon him!”

“And I am your friend!” Her voice became shrill, “Please, I don’t want to… My father was talking about you too.” Her mouth trembled, “You’ve changed, Darius. First you endanger yourself with that transformation-into-abomination nonsense... and I bet your Luca encourages it! It’s like you’re self-destructive or something. Even my parents noticed. So stop all this nonsense, right now! Please, I don’t want to…”

Darius twisted the fabric of his – prop, fake – cloak. “You don’t want to do what, Odalia?” he whispered.

“Well,” she blinked like she was going to cry, “well, my parents say you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. Soon they will start talking about forbidding me to hang out with you!” she stomped her foot for emphasis. “And I don’t want to…”

Twisting and twisting. This feels so weird.

“But will you?” His temples were pulsing with sudden pain. “Will you just stop being friends with me if they order you?” What was this sinking feeling he was experiencing? “Like I’m nothing to you? Eh?”

“I am your friend,” she insisted. She pointed at Alador, who still stood with his head down, “We are friends! But do you want to drag us into your mess? All because of him?”

“Answer me!” The abominations jumped up and liquefied. Alador flinched.

“If you insist on endangering our future and the success of our families, then perhaps I will.” She jutted her chin out. “If you don’t care about us anyway!”

No crying.

His lips curled into an unpleasant grimace, “You do look just like your dear old grandmother right now.”

She sputtered like an angry cat. Ha, didn’t expect that!

“How dare… well, you know,” she collected herself, “at least she cares about her family’s legacy. You just want to throw it aaall away, like one of those ‘heroes’ from your play pretends.” Odalia shook her head. “But I don’t know what I expected. You were always weird, treating your abominations like pets and clinging to your grandfather like a baby. Bet you’ll be lucky not to get petrified!”

“Well, then,” his voice broke only a little, “maybe then I’ll spare you the trouble and cut ties with you right now!”

She recoiled, shocked. Then she remembered herself.

“Fine, fine,” her smile was a tad too forced. “When you have no future, and you are broke, don’t come begging for my... for our... help,” she hissed.

Darius didn’t grace her with a response.

“Come on, Alador, he’ll regret it!” Odalia turned, and, heels clacking, stormed out of the room.

And good riddance! A wave of abomination hit the wall. Splat! Darius’s anger suddenly dissipated, and he felt exhausted. Purple goo dribbled down the mirror.

Ugh. At this rate he would need to take anti-headache potions like some elderly witch. And what will grandpa think about all of this? Everything is changing so fast... In the dirty mirror the boy drooped his shoulders.

Darius felt sad, and he was anxious about Luca too. Luca was strong and very serious, but he always cared. He wanted to help, even when Darius acted out in frustration. It would be unthinkable to betray him. Of course, Darius wouldn’t know how to explain it to Odalia. She would call me childish again. She just can’t see… More and more she was absorbing her family’s attitudes.

Well, when – if – Odalia calls him, he won’t even answer. Fine by him, if she would just do whatever her parents ordered her to do!

A movement startled him.

Alador froze, his hand near Darius’s shoulder. “Sorry. Odalia didn’t mean it about petrification, I’m sure. And she doesn’t really want to stop being friends with you.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Darius twisted the fabric of the cloak. Fake, just so fake... “But you know that she will, if they tell her.”

Alador looked at him reproachfully. “Still, you shouldn’t have, ugh, insulted her either. Comparing her to old Mrs Blight was too much.”

“Then she shouldn’t act like that.”

“Why are the two of you always so difficult,” Alador muttered under his breath.

“She’s acting like her family put an earwig spell into her brain or something,” Darius summoned a handkerchief to wipe the mirror. “She will stand by them whether they are right or not, and they can’t be right about Luca! You should talk to her later – you are closer, maybe you can talk some sense into her…”

“My family talks about the Golden Guard too.”

Just stop.

Alador sounded like he was reading the news on the Crystal Ball, “Being close to him has the potential to be dangerous.”

“Oh, come on, Al! You were with us during the trip to the Knee. You actually know him. I can’t betray him!”

“I... well... Still, I think maybe Odalia is right. And he isn’t the only way to get those Coven connections...” Alador wasn’t looking in his direction. “I don’t want to stop being friends with either of you.”

“What?” Darius felt like his throat was constricting. Like he couldn’t breathe. Friends since they were six. “Not everything is about your Titan-damned connections...”

He didn’t even shout, but Alador took a step back. Coward.

“You… is this whole mentorship thing really so important to you? If you won’t stop... being like this, Odalia will be angry with me too! And my parents might also see this situation as a problem. They’ll stop liking you! Maybe you’re right about the Golden Guard, but it’s not like he is your family or anything!”

Why does this feel so heavy? Why is everything happening so quickly?

Alador lifted up his hands, as if to plead with him, “Ah, I’m not explaining it right... All this is so much trouble!”

“And you can’t be bothered, right?” Darius wondered. “Too much distraction from your precious studies...”

“Come on, Darius! You should just make up with Odalia and stop the mentorship thing, at least until it’s safe again! Then everything will be just like before,” Alador bobbed his head up and down, like it was so simple.

“What a smart plan,” Darius sneered. The abomination matter around the room was bubbling, and his temples were throbbing.

“Yes!” It was Alador’s turn to stomp his foot. “I just don’t like trouble between my best friends! It’s simple!”

“You don’t even have your own opinion on Luca and whether he is dangerous,” Darius shook his head. Heavy. He still wasn’t crying. “You just want to stay in your little safe bubble like a coward... No trouble for Alador! And I know you won’t break up with Odalia if she cuts ties with me. Admit it! If I were in Luca’s place you would’ve already abandoned me… You are worse than her!”

The abomination matter boiled up and erupted into whirling columns all around the room, scattering the props around. The mirror cracked.

“Please, why are you so mad…”

Why? Well, Odalia was a heartless bitch poisoned by her family, and Alador was a spineless hack with no opinions of his own! Why should he care about them?

Darius darted towards the exit, and when Alador tried to grab him, shoved him away.

“Don’t touch me ever again!” Darius spat. More like sobbed.

“Fine then! Run! Odalia is right about you and your... theatrics!” Alador tried to shove him back. No matter. Darius ran.

He wanted to go back and punch Alador, but he wasn’t crying. He wasn’t acting immaturely! They wanted him to just abandon Luca… It hurt.

He ran out of the school building, tore the – stupid, childish, fake – cloak off and threw it to the ground.

It hurts.

*

Luca found him an hour later at the back of the school grounds, hunched down under the char tree, head in hands. The Golden Guard watched in silence, until Darius reluctantly raised his head.

“Bad day?”

Darius sighed. He didn’t feel so angry anymore. Odalia’s betrayal didn’t seem real now, yet – unlike their previous spats – he couldn’t imagine simply making up with her next day. And Alador… oh, that Alador... Darius’s head still hurt.

“It’s nothing… just my stupid so-called friends,” he muttered.

Luca sat down beside him. “Alador and Odalia?”

Darius nodded, “She can be so stubborn and forceful, but he… he just follows her around, always choosing what will trouble him less so he can quickly return to his abominations. I don’t know... we were friends for so long, but it’s like we are from different worlds…” Like they were always ready to throw me away.

“Then, do you want to try and reach out to other kids? Find new friends?” there was an uncertainty in Luca’s voice.

Darius couldn’t help but snort, “I don’t think it’s that simple. Sorry.”

As if those other kids won’t be the same.

“Oh, was it bad advice?” Luca wondered. “I am not very familiar with, um...”

“Teenager drama?” Darius rolled his eyes. “I know, I know it’s stupid...”

They wanted him to betray Luca…

But was Luca really in danger? And what does it mean? Would he simply be dismissed from his Guard position, and then they’d still be able to train together? “Or he just won’t care about you anymore,” Odalia’s voice offered smugly. Darius dismissed it. He wanted to question Luca, but he didn’t dare – Luca always evaded any talk about his relationship with the Emperor and the Emperor's Coven. He isn't your peer like Al and Odalia.

“Darius?”

Ah, yes, friends...

“I don’t know,” he said bitterly. “We had fights before, but now it seemed deeper, somehow. I just don’t know…”

Luca reached out and hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder, “And it’s scary?”

“I.. guess,” Darius admitted. They made me feel small and useless...

Luca patted him on a shoulder in an almost gentle manner. “It’s alright. You don’t have to find the answer immediately. Talk to your grandfather, he can probably give you better advice,” Luca smiled ruefully. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. And whether you want to mend your friendship with them or not, I’ll support you.”

“Thanks,” Darius replied weakly. Luca was really trying.

He always cares.

“I’ll stand by you too, no matter what! I swear!”

“Oh,” Luca barked a laugh. “I appreciate the sentiment, but it is my job to keep you safe, you know. Not the other way around.”

Darius blinked. Luca was in a rare sentimental mood. Or you look that terrible. But it sounded nice. Safe.

“It’s getting late,” Luca got up to his feet. “You should go home before your grandfather gets worried. I'll move our training to another day.”

Darius was tired. He hesitated. "Can you walk with me to the town?" I just don't want to be alone.

Luca nodded. "Of course," his voice was almost soft.

Safe.

[thatscarletflycatcher]

Little Women: that novel that has the most extremely unsubtle narrative and yet manages to have such a case of "!this sign can't stop me because I can't read" between its readership.

Jo's situationship: are we talking about the guy she rejects not once, not twice, but many, many times through a decade of narrative, in which the character makes it abundantly clear that she has never ever thought of Laurie in any other way than as a brother?

I can never understand why people buy the "she didn't marry Jo to Laurie TO SPITE HER FANS". Girlie, Jo met him and one of her first ideas was "oh, I'm seeing the future he should marry Meg and make her rich and comfortable all her days", and when he tries to kiss her she goes "WTF, dude, never try that shit on me again". That's all book one, waaaaaay before there could be a fandom shipping the two.

The boring asshole thing is another one of those. We truly are basing all this on one line of one surviving letter ambiguosly calling it "a funny match". A letter from Louisa May Alcott, person known for her secretiveness, and for her adapting her discourse to her audience (and having A LOT of her personal correspondence and writing burned). It is the same person who was a big fan of Jane Eyre and Charlotte Brontë, and identified with her.

It's also a weird case of, instead of "the author is dead", "the text is dead": the text might describe Bhaer as having "the kindest eyes I ever saw", as being "neither rich nor great, young nor handsome, in no respect what is called fascinating, imposing or brilliant, and yet he was as attractive as a genial fire, and people seemed to gather about him as naturally as about a warm hearth", "he was poor, yet always appeared to be giving something away; a stranger, yet everyone was his friend; no longer young, but as happy hearted as a boy", "there were lines upon his forehead, but Time seemed to have touched him gently, remembering how kind he was to others", "the pleasant curves around his mouth were the memorials of many friendly words and cheery laughs, his eyes were never cold or hard, and his big hand had a warm, strong grasp that was more expressive than words", "his very clothes seemed to partake of the hospitable nature of the wearer"... that people will insist he's crealy written as a joke or as a bad, bad party pooper (I mean, for a lot of people the issue is that he's poor, fat and "old" (late 30s-40), but it's not polite to say that out loud).

We can discuss to death what was Louisa's actual appreciation/judgement of pulpy gothic fiction, if she made distinctions between the more "literate" stuff and the penny dreadfuls, etc, but as for Jo March in the book itself, the first time she sees it -before she becomes friends with Bhaer- her reaction is "people do read this garbage? People pay to read this garbage? huh". Then she starts writing it out of need rather than positive enjoyment, editors cut out things she wants to say and push for more of what she doesn't want to write, she starts getting into a bad mental place, etc. When the episode of Bhaer saying "this is garbage and nobody should leave it where children can find it" happens and she recalibrates and comes to terms with what happened. We can, too, discuss if that moral commentary is genuine or if it is valid, but the framing in the text is that it was a good thing, an honest act of friendship (the chapter itself is, very unsubtly titled "Friend").

In the end, of course, everyone is free to like or dislike the choices she made in the book, and to create whatever headcanons they want. But we should really stop trying to make the book say what it doesn't say, or treat as FactsTM things that are at most "arguable" theories.

[crystalartsandanimation]

Animator vs. Animation Franchise Hug Collection - Part 2 (*Comes with Personal Headcanon about Hugs for Four Characters*)

♥ Would you like to check out the first part? Then click here! ♥

♥ Would you like to check out the third part? Then click here! ♥

"There's something in a simple hug that always warms the heart. It welcomes us back home and makes it easier to part." -Johnny Ray Ryder, Jr.

Here are some more hug screenshots I've gathered.

Also, while I was creating this post, I've begun to think of a personal headcanon on how King Orange, The Dark Lord, The Chosen One, and Victim would react if they got a hug, because we've never actually seen them receive one.

(Now, keep in mind that I don't usually come up with theories, headcanons, etc.; I just enjoy reading them, and this is my first time sharing one of these topics with a fandom in general, so please bear with me.)

King Orange, or King (or, as you people like to call him, Mango Tango, or MT for short): There are a couple of possibilities. He's definitely feared in the Nether, while at the same time, he's beloved in the Titan Ravager village, though it's mostly because the villagers are currently unaware of his true nature. If I had to take a stab at it, I would headcanon that anyone who knows King Orange's actual personality and / or serves him wouldn't attempt at, let alone even dare, to give him a hug. Of course, bows would be the appropriate gesture. Regarding his reaction, if the interaction was based on him continuing his facade of a good publicity to others who meet him or don't know him enough, he would appreciate the gesture. If the interaction was based on those who are aware of his real image and / or serves him, he would harshly push the hugger off and warn them never to do it again, or else he'll harm them.

The Dark Lord: A little similar to King's reaction regarding one of the options, he wouldn't like someone hugging him, but this stems from a different reason. Considering that he was abandoned by noogai, even when he was at the mercy of the Chosen One, and that the Chosen One, his enemy-turned-only friend-turned-enemy again, was at opposition with him about his plans to destroy the internet, saving noogai from the ViraBot and working with him to defeat him, any genuinely nice gestures he's given, Dark will initially start to accept, but then quickly push them away in fears that he'll be betrayed again. If ever Dark's given a redemption arc (and if he's still alive, even after the Second Coming's final attack on him, which I would like to believe so), it's going to take a long while for him to regain some sense of trust and realize that there are people who would actually care for him (I think Chosen still does, despite all that's happened in Animator vs. Animation V). However, with the right people, it could be possible for him to attain this goal... hopefully...

I thought this quote might be a little fitting for him:

"How you gonna forget with me around? I'm the source of all your problems! Don't pretend you want me here. What's your plan for me, huh? You gonna put me somewhere? You gonna leave me alone?!" -Spinel, Steven Universe: The Movie

The Chosen One: Chosen... hmm... assuming that he's working at bettering himself since the events of Animator vs. Animation V, I think he would just have a neutral reaction for the time being if he received a hug: no pushing away or harming others, no expressions of happiness or gratitude, just... yeah... plain reactions. Maybe he'll respond with something like, "Okay, thanks for the gesture," in a neutral tone.

Victim: And last, but definitely not least, Victim, our beloved. I really enjoyed seeing a few posts about him, a couple of thoughts about how he's still alive in a void after being deleted in Animator vs. Animation I, about him trying to find some way to return to the computer world, about his attempts to interact with the other living stick figures...

(Side note: seeing these posts made me want to attribute this song to Victim.)

Ohhh, he absolutely deserves all the love and friendship in the world. There is no doubt from me saying that he would always appreciate a hug from anyone.

So, if you had a chance, which of the four characters would you like to give a hug to?

[ladybookstan]

Nestaq Appreciation✨

Synopsis: A post entirely dedicated to Sartaq and Nesryn, presenting the facts that show that these characters, this couple, deserve more recognition and love.

Those who "know me" know that I am the Captain of the Character Defense Squad. So far I have only made one other post like this, one in Appreciation to Viviane, if you want to see it, I'll leave it here.

And now I am focusing on Tog's most overlooked couple: Nestaq.

⚠️ Throne of Glass Series Spoiler Alert!!!

The basis of this post will be mainly Tower of Dawn, and a bit of Queen of Shadows, I haven't finished KoA yet (I'm on chapter 21) and Lord knows I won't finish that book any time soon. BUuUt, I won't try anymore. The TOG fandom literally sleeps when it comes to this couple and I'm like: 🤡HELLOOOOO🤡

This post is huge and I apologize in advance for any spelling mistakes or anything like that.

Let's start with Nesryn✨

Balruhn, where Nesryn’s own people had originally hailed, before curiosity and ambition drove her great-grandfather to drag his family over mountains and grasslands and deserts to the god-city in the arid north.

The Faliqs had long been tradesmen, and not of anything particularly fine. Just simple, good cloth and household spices. Her uncle still traded such things and, through various lucrative investments, had become a moderately wealthy man, his family now dwelling in a beautiful home within this very city. A definitive step up from a baker—the path her father had chosen upon leaving these shores. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 2)

A daughter of Adarlan (on her mother's side, Cybele) and a daughter of the Southern Continent (on her father's side, Sayed Faliq).

We meet her in Queen of Shadows, the fifth book in the series.

“I heard what happened this winter. That you went to the warehouse and killed so many of us. You slaughtered rebels - my friends.” That cool, calm mask didn’t so much as flinch. “And yet I’m now supposed to believe you were on our side all along. Forgive me if I’m not forthright with you.” — Nesryn Faliq to Aelin Galathinyus (Queen of Shadows chapter 6)

Nesryn Faliq is shown to be a quiet woman who prefers silence, intelligent and a guard in the city of Riftfort, she was one of the rebels who were working with Ren Allsbrook. We also find out that Chaol Westfall and she were once lovers and at that point retained something of a "friendship".

He’d needed it—the distraction and release—after Lithaen had left him for the charms of Roland Havilliard. Nesryn had just been bored, apparently. She’d never sought him out, never asked when she would see him again, so their encounters had always been initiated by him. A few months later, he hadn’t felt particularly bad when he’d gone to Endovier and stopped seeing her. He’d never told Dorian —or Aelin. And when he’d run into Nesryn three weeks ago at one of the rebel gatherings, she hadn’t seemed to be holding a grudge.

“You look like a man who got punched in the balls,” she said at last.

He cut a glare in her direction. And because he did indeed feel that way, because maybe he was again feeling a bit shattered and reckless, he told her what had happened. Who it had happened with. He trusted her, though. In the three weeks they’d been fighting and plotting and surviving together, he’d had no choice but to trust her. Ren had trusted her. — (Queen of Shadows chapter 7)

Regarding Nesryn and Chaol, from what I understand, the two were fine with what they had, but there came a point where Nesryn had feelings for Chaol that he didn't have for her. I'm not saying that Nesryn was crazy in love with him, but she was starting to fall in love, however, the feelings that Chaol had for her were trust, admiration, friendship and obviously, attraction. Just that. (Also, let's face it, we are talking about Nesryn Faliq, the woman is perfect). And he might even love her, but the kind of love that is more on the side of friendship.

Nesryn knew. She knew it hadn’t been mere interest that had prompted Chaol to ask her to talk to him last night, but guilt. She was fine with it, she told herself. She had been a replacement for not one, but two of the women in his life. A third one… She was fine with it... - (Tower of Dawn chapter 24)

And still in Queen of Shadows, Nesryn Faliq won my heart when she saved Lysandra's life and Dorian's life. Being the absurdly amazing Archer that she is.

The blade dipped as she (Aelin) decided, and— Impact slammed into her father ’s sword, knocking her off balance as Aedion shouted. The arrow ricocheted into the garden, hissing against the gravel as it landed. Nesryn was already approaching, another arrow drawn, pointed at Aedion.

“Strike the prince, and I’ll shoot the general.” - (Queen of Shadows chapter 19)

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Lysandra leaped. The closest guard fired a clean, spiraling shot right for her chest. She knew, with that leopard’s senses, that it would hit home. Yet Lysandra did not slow. She did not stop. For Evangeline. For her future. For her freedom. For the friends who had come for her. The bolt neared her heart. And was knocked from the air by an arrow.

Lysandra landed on the guard’s face and shredded it with her claws. There was only one sharpshooter with that sort of aim. Lysandra loosed a roar, and became a storm of death upon the guards nearest her while arrows rained on the rest. When Lysandra dared look, it was in time to see Nesryn Faliq draw another arrow atop the neighboring rooftop, flanked by her rebels, and fire it clean through the eye of the final guard between Lysandra and the castle.

“Go!” Nesryn shouted over the panicking crowd. - (Queen of Shadows chapter 75)

One thing that makes me admire Nesryn so much, besides the fact that she is a strong woman, is that even when she suffered a huge loss when she was 13, experienced prejudice throughout her childhood for her origins, suffered prejudice at work for being a woman, she didn't give up. She didn't stop fighting. Never. And if that is not an admirable story, I don't know what is.

“I wouldn’t?” A cold question. “You think that I don’t understand what’s at stake? I don’t care about your prince—not the way you do. I care about what he represents for the future of this kingdom, and for the future of people like my family. I won’t allow another immigrant purge to happen. I don’t ever want my sister ’s children coming home with broken noses again because of their foreign blood. You told me Dorian would fix the world, make it better. But if he’s gone, if we made the mistake today in keeping him alive, then I will find another way to attain that future. And another one after that, if I have to. I will keep getting back up, no matter how many times those butchers shove me down.”

He’d never heard so many words from her at once, had never… never even known she had a sister. Or that she was an aunt. Nesryn said, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stay the course, but also plot another one. Adapt.”

His mouth had gone dry. “Were you ever hurt? For your heritage?” Nesryn glanced toward the roaring hearth, her face like ice. “I became a city guard because not a single one of them came to my aid the day the other schoolchildren surrounded me with stones in their hands. Not one, even though they could hear my screaming.” She met his stare again. “Dorian Havilliard offers a better future, but the responsibility also lies with us. With how common people choose to act.” True—so true. - (Queen of Shadows chapter 22)

.................

“Adarlan is not as … open as the khaganate when it comes to embracing the role of women in the ranks of its guards or armies,” she admitted. “While I might be skilled, men usually were promoted. So I was left to rot on patrol duty at the walls or busy streets. Handling the underworld or nobility was left for more important guards. And ones whose families hailed from Adarlan.” Her sister had raged anytime it happened, but Nesryn had known that if she’d exploded to her superiors, if she’d challenged them … They were the sort of men who would tell her to be grateful to be admitted at all, then demand she turn in her sword and uniform. So she’d figured it was better to remain, to be passed over, not for mere pay, but for the fact that there were so few other guards like her, helping those who needed it most. It was for them she stayed on, kept her head down while lesser men were appointed. “Ah.” Another beat of quiet from the prince. “I’ve heard they were not so welcoming toward people from other lands.”

“To say the least.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 29)

The huge loss that Nesryn has suffered:

Nesryn said quietly, “My mother died when I was thirteen.” She gazed up at the near-glowing Torre. “The old king … you know what he did to those with magic. To healers gifted with it. So there was no one who could save my mother from the wasting sickness that crept up on her. The healer we managed to find admitted to us that it was likely from a growth inside my mother’s breast. That she might have been able to cure her before magic vanished. Before it was forbidden.”

She had never told anyone outside of her family this story. Wasn’t sure why she was really telling him now, but she went on, “My father wanted to get her on a boat to sail here. Was desperate to. But war had broken out up and down our lands. Ships were conscripted into Adarlan’s service, and she was too sick to risk a land journey all the way down to Eyllwe to try to cross there. My father combed through every map, every trade route. By the time he found a merchant who would sail with them—just the two of them—to Antica … My mother was so sick she could not be moved. She would not have made it here, even if they’d gotten on the boat.” Sartaq watched her, face unreadable, while she spoke.

Nesryn slid her hands into her pockets. “So she stayed. And we were all there when she … when it was over.” That old grief wrapped around her, burning her eyes. “It took me a few years to feel right again,” she said after a moment. “Two years before I started noticing things like the sun on my face, or the taste of food —started enjoying them again. My father … he held us together. My sister and I. If he mourned, he did not let us see it. He filled our house with as much joy as he could.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 13)

...............

Yew, ash … She plucked up one of the yew bows, testing its weight, its flexibility and resistance. A solid, deadly weapon. Yet familiar. As familiar as an old friend. She had not picked up a bow until her mother’s death, and during those initial years of grief and numbness, the physical training, the concentration and strength required, had been a sanctuary, and a reprieve, and forge. She wondered if any of her old tutors had survived the attack on Rifthold. If any of their arrows had brought down wyverns. Or slowed them enough to save lives. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 30)

In Tower of Dawn we are shown what an interesting character Nesryn is, and like every SJM character, she has also experienced trauma and grief.

An excerpt that sums up Nesryn's personality for us:

Last night, talking with him (with Sartaq) at the party, even talking with him in the alley outside the Torre a few nights before that … She had not felt quiet or aloof or strange. She had not felt cold or distant. He’d done her an honor in giving her such attention, and in escorting her and Chaol back to their rooms. She did not mind company—quiet as she could be, she enjoyed being around others. But sometimes… - (Tower of Dawn chapter 24)

Something that fascinates me about Nesryn is her development in the series. In Queen of Shadows (and in the beginning of Tower of Dawn) it is as if she is in a cocoon. Closed off to the world and preventing anyone from seeing the beauty within. Because this is one of the best descriptions for Nesryn Faliq. Hard on the outside and sensitive on the inside.

Wind-seeker, her mother had once called her. Unable to keep still, always wandering where the wind calls you. Where shall it beckon you to journey one day, my rose? - (Tower of Dawn chapter 25)

The Modern Nesryn Faliq

Now, let's talk about her prince: Sartaq

We met him in Tower of Dawn, Sartaq is Khagan's second eldest son and the Commander of his father's ruk riders. The Rukhin.

The northern aerial cavalry of his people had long dwelled in the towering Tavan Mountains with their ruks: enormous birds, eagle-like in shape, large enough to carry off cattle and horses. Without the sheer bulk and destructive weight of the Ironteeth witches’ wyverns, but swift and nimble and clever as foxes. The perfect mounts for the legendary archers who flew them into battle.

Sartaq’s face was solemn, his broad shoulders thrown back. A man perhaps as ill at ease in his fine clothes as Chaol. She wondered if his ruk, Kadara, was perched on one of the palace’s thirty-six minarets, eyeing the cowering servants and guards, waiting impatiently for her master’s return. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 2)

Several excerpts about Sartaq and his personality

She yielded a blink. His brown skin was darker than the others’—perhaps from all that time in the skies and sunlight—his eyes a solid ebony. Depthless and unreadable. His black hair remained unbound save for a small braid that curved over the arch of his ear. The rest of his hair fell to just past his muscled chest, and swayed slightly as he gave what Nesryn could have sworn was a mocking incline of his head. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 2)

...................

“I’ve heard the stories.”

“Even in Adarlan?” He lifted a brow. A warrior and a charmer. A dangerous combination, though she could not recall any mention of a spouse. Indeed, no ring marked his finger.

“Even in Adarlan,” Nesryn said, though she did not mention that the average person on the street might not know such tales. But in her house hold… Oh, yes. The Winged Prince, they called him.

.................

“I was twelve when my father brought us all to the mountain aerie. And when I snuck away and climbed onto the captain’s own ruk, soaring into the skies and requiring them to chase me down … My father told me that if I had splattered on the rocks, I would have deserved to die for my stupidity. As punishment, he ordered me to live amongst the rukhin until I could prove I wasn’t a complete fool—a lifetime, he suggested.”

.................

“Thankfully, I did not die of stupidity, and instead came to love the riding, their lifestyle. They gave me hell because I was a prince, but I proved my mettle soon enough. Kadara hatched when I was fifteen, and I raised her myself. I have had no other mount since.” Pride and affection brightened those onyx eyes. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 6)

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“Only Fae blades could remain this sharp after a thousand years,” said Sartaq, setting down the knife he’d been inspecting. “Likely forged by the Fae smiths in Asterion, to the east of Doranelle—perhaps even before the first of the demon wars.”

A prince who had studied not only his own empire’s history, but that of many others. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 33)

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Nesryn smiled. Charmer. Beneath that unfailingly sure exterior, Sartaq was certainly a shameless flirt. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 29)

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Borte had insisted that if she, as Houlun’s heir, was to stay, then Sartaq, as the khagan’s potential successor, should remain as well.

To that, Sartaq had merely stalked off into the interior hallways of Altun, saying that if being his father’s successor meant sitting idly by while others fought for him, then his siblings could have the damn crown. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 41)

In order to understand Sartaq further, it is important to know what situation he was in, more precisely, how the Khaganate works. Is something complicated, because in brief, a Khagan has to kill his siblings and their descendants if they might pose any danger or resistance to the Khagan rule. Example: If a Khagan has three siblings, none of whom have had children, all of whom swear loyalty and submission to him, the Khagan may decide to keep them alive, but the three siblings and their companions will be sterilized. Thus making it impossible for anyone to stand up against Khagan.

Unlike Adarlan or Terrasen, inheritance of the empire was decided by the khagan—not by birth order or gender. Having as many children as possible to provide him or her with a wide pool to choose from made that choice only somewhat easier. And rivalry amongst the royal children… It was practically a blood sport. All designed to prove to their parent who was the strongest, the wisest, the most suited to rule.

The khagan was required by law to have a sealed document locked away in an unmarked, hidden trove—a document that listed his or her Heir, should death sweep upon them before it could be formally announced. It could be altered at any time, but it was designed to avoid the one thing the khaganate had lived in fear of since that first khagan had patched together the kingdoms and territories of this continent: collapse. Not from outside forces, but from war within. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 1)

And Sartaq's opinion about it:

Sartaq shrugged. “Kadara is my family. The rukhin, they are my family. My bloodline, though… It’s hard to love one another, when we will one day contend with each other. Love cannot exist without trust.” He smiled at his ruk. “I trust Kadara with my life. I would die for her, and she for me. Can I say the same of my siblings? My own parents?”

“It’s a shame,” Nesryn admitted. “At least I have her,” he said of the ruk. “And my riders. Pity my siblings, who have none of those blessings.”

He was a good man. The prince… he was a good man. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 24)

In fact, Borte and Houlun are more Sartaq's sister and mother than his blood family. Their relationship is quite beautiful. (Borte and Houlun are Sartaq's hearth-sister and hearth-mother).

The Modern Sartaq

Now, finally, let's talk about the couple!!!!

One of the things that makes me love Nestaq so much is that Sartaq is Nesryn's first and biggest fan. He encourages, supports, and admires his woman without reservation.

Nestaq is made up of a wonderful, independent woman, and a perfect man who is not intimidated by his woman's power and doesn't need to do anything over-the-top to make it clear that he is totally a fan of hers.

And I love the fact that from the beginning it was written in the stars, sea and earth that Nesryn and Sartaq had to be together.

Nestaq Moments:

First flight together in Kadara and, as a bonus, we can see that it was already decided: Nesryn was the perfect woman for Sartaq; she loves the Southern Continent and pay attention to how she describes this flight with the prince. (She will make an amazing Grand Empress, get this).

Nesryn had watched the sunrise from the skies. She’d found Prince Sartaq waiting in his aerie in the hour before dawn. The minaret was open to the elements at its uppermost level, and behind the leather-clad prince … Nesryn had braced a hand on the archway to the stairwell, still breathless from the climb.

Kadara was beautiful. Each of the ruk’s golden feathers shone like burnished metal, the white of her breast bright as fresh snow. And her gold eyes had sized Nesryn up immediately. Before Sartaq even turned from where he’d been buckling on the saddle across her broad back. “Captain Faliq,” the prince had said by way of greeting. “You’re up early.” Casual words for any listening ears. “The storm last night kept me from sleep. I hope I am not disturbing you.”

“On the contrary.” In the dim light, his mouth quirked in a smile. “I was about to go for a ride—to let this fat hog hunt for her breakfast for once.” Kadara puffed her feathers in indignation, clicking her enormous beak—fully capable of taking a man’s head off in one snip. No wonder Princess Hasar remained wary of the bird. Sartaq chuckled, patting her feathers. “Care to join?”

.................

“I am not particularly skilled with heights, but it would be my honor, Prince.”

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Sartaq had buckled and harnessed them both into the saddle, triple-checking the leather straps. Then he clicked his tongue once, and— Nesryn knew it wasn’t polite to squeeze a prince’s arms so hard the bone was likely to break. But she did so anyway as Kadara spread her shining golden wings and leaped out. Leaped down. Her stomach shot straight up her throat. Her eyes watered and blurred. Wind tore at her, trying to rip her from that saddle, and she clenched with her thighs so tightly they ached, while she gripped Sartaq’s arms, holding the reins, so hard he chuckled in her ear. But the pale buildings of Antica loomed up, near-blue in the early dawn, rushing to meet them as Kadara dove and dove, a star falling from the heavens— Then flared those wings wide and shot upward. Nesryn was glad she had forgone breakfast. For surely it would have come spewing out of her mouth at what the motion did to her stomach.

Within the span of a few beats, Kadara banked right—toward the horizon just turning pink. The sprawl of Antica spread before them, smaller and smaller as they rose into the skies. Until it was no more than a cobblestoned road beneath them, spreading into every direction. Until she could spy the olive groves and wheat fields just outside the city. The country estates and small towns speckled about. The rippling dunes of the northern desert to her left. The sparkling, snaking band of rivers turning golden in the rising sun that crested over the mountains to her right. Sartaq did not speak. Did not point out landmarks. Not even the pale line of the Sister-Road that ran toward the southern horizon. No, in the rising light, he let Kadara have her head. The ruk took them floating higher still, the air turning crisp—the awakening blue sky brightening with each mighty flap of her wings.

Open. So open. Not at all like the endless sea, the tedious waves and cramped ship. This was… this was breath. This was… She could not look fast enough, drink it all in. How small everything was, how lovely and pristine. A land claimed by a conquering nation, yet loved and nurtured. Her land. Her home. (Ana's Note: You're going to be the Grand Empress there, girl, you just don't know it yet😏)

The sun and the scrub and the undulating grasslands that beckoned in the distance. The lush jungles and rice fields to the west; the pale sand dunes of the desert to the northeast. More than she could see in a lifetime—farther than Kadara could fly in a single day. An entire world, this land. The entire world contained here. She could not understand why her father had left. Why he had stayed, when such darkness had crept into Adarlan. Why he had kept them in that festering city where she so rarely looked up at the sky, or felt a breeze that did not reek of the briny Avery or the rubbish rotting in the streets.

“You are quiet,” the prince said, and it was more question than statement. Nesryn admitted in Halha, “I don’t have words to describe it.” She felt Sartaq smile near her shoulder. “That was what I felt—that first ride. And every ride since.”

“I understand why you stayed at the camp those years ago. Why you are eager to return.” A beat of quiet. “Am I so easy to read?”

“How could you not wish to return?”

“Some consider my father’s palace to be the finest in the world.”

“It is.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 12)

This conversation took place during their first flight and I think it was very important for the outcome of the story itself.

“And are you? Willing to hear us out?” Sartaq didn’t answer for a long moment, only the screaming wind filling the quiet. “I would listen. To you and Lord Westfall. I would hear what you know, what has happened to you both. I do not hold as much sway with my father as others, but he knows the ruk riders are loyal to me.”

“I thought—”

“That I was his favorite?” A low, bitter laugh. “I perhaps stand a chance at being named Heir, but the khagan does not select his Heir based on whom he loves best. Even so, that particular honor goes to Duva and Kashin.” Sweet-faced Duva, she could understand, but—“Kashin?”

“He is loyal to my father to a fault. He has never schemed, never backstabbed. I’ve done it—plotted and maneuvered against them all to get what I want. But Kashin... He may command the land armies and the horse-lords, he may be brutal when required, but with my father, he is guileless. There has never been a more loving or loyal son. When our father dies… I worry. What the others will do to Kashin if he does not submit, or worse: what his death will do to Kashin himself.” She dared ask, “What would you do to him?” Destroy him, if he will not swear fealty?

“It remains to be seen what sort of threat or alliance he could pose. Only Duva and Arghun are married, and Arghun has yet to sire offspring. Though Kashin, if he has his way, would likely sweep that young healer off her feet.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 12)

Nesryn agrees to go with Sartaq to the Tavan mountains (where the rukhin live). And anyone who has read Tower of Dawn will remember that the time Nesryn spent with them was very good. I will try to make a compilation of all the times Nesryn felt at home in Eridun.

His face remained neutral, even as he added, “I’m sure your family will have my head for offering, but … would you like to accompany me?” Yes, she wanted to breathe. But she made herself ask, “For how long?” For time was not on her side. Their side. And to hunt for answers while so many threats gathered close… “A few weeks. No more than three. I like to keep the riders in line, and if I go absent for too long, they pull at the leash. So the journey will serve two purposes, I suppose.”

“I—I would need to discuss. With Lord Westfall.” She’d promised him as much last night. That they’d consider this precise path, weighing the pitfalls and benefits. They were still a team in that regard, still served under the same banner. Sartaq nodded solemnly, as if he could read everything on her face. “Of course. Though I leave soon.” She then heard it—the grunt of servants coming up the aerie stairs. Bringing supplies.

“You leave now,” Nesryn clarified as she noted the spear leaning against the far wall near the supply racks. His sulde. The russet horsehair tied beneath the blade drifted in the wind weaving through the aerie, the dark wood shaft polished and smooth. Sartaq’s onyx eyes seemed to darken further as he strode to his sulde, weighing the spirit-banner in his hands before resting it beside him, the wood thunking on the stone floor. “I…” It was the first she’d seen him stumble for words.

“You weren’t going to say good-bye?” She had no right to make such demands, expect such things, tentative allies or no. But Sartaq leaned his sulde against the wall again and began braiding back his black hair. “After last night’s party, I had thought you would be … preoccupied.”

With Chaol. Her brows rose. “All day?” The prince gave her a roguish smile, finishing off his long braid and picking up his spear once more. “I certainly would take all day.”

..............

Sartaq was still watching, his face carefully neutral as the last of the servants bowed and vanished. His sulde had been strapped just below the saddle, within easy reach should the prince need it, its reddish horsehairs trailing in the wind. Trailing southward. Toward that distant, wild land of the Tavan Mountains. Beckoning, as all spirit-banners did, toward an unknown horizon. Beckoning to claim whatever waited there. Nesryn said quietly, “Yes.”

The prince blinked. “I will go with you,” she clarified. A small smile tugged on his mouth. “Good.”

.............

She found Sartaq atop Kadara, waiting for her. The prince extended a callused hand to help her up into the saddle. She didn’t hesitate as she took his hand, his strong fingers wrapping around hers, and let him pull her into the saddle before him. He strapped and buckled them in, checked all of it thrice. But he reined in Kadara when she would have soared out of the minaret. Sartaq whispered in Nesryn’s ear, “I was praying to the Eternal Sky and all thirty-six gods that you’d say yes.” She smiled, even if he couldn’t see it.

“So was I,” Nesryn breathed, and they leaped into the skies. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 24)

OK, I HAVE NO DESCRIPTION FOR THAT MOMENT. “So don’t be surprised if there’s now a story or two about you already finding its way across the world.”

“And what are the tales they tell about you, Nesryn Faliq?” She chewed on the salted pork. “No one has any stories about me.” It didn’t bother her. Fame, notoriety … She valued other things more, she supposed.

“Not even the story about the arrow that saved a shape-shifter’s life? The impossible shot fired from a rooftop?” She snapped her head toward him. Sartaq only swigged from his water with a look that said, I told you my spies were good.

.............

“Neith’s Arrow,” Sartaq said after uncounted minutes, leaning back against the rock. Nesryn dragged her gaze from the stars to find his face limned in moonlight, silver dancing along the pure onyx of his braid. He rested his forearms on his knees. “That’s what my spies called you, what I called you until you arrived. Neith’s Arrow.” The Goddess of Archery—and the Hunt, originally hailing from an ancient sand-swept kingdom to the west, now enfolded into the khaganate’s vast pantheon. A corner of his mouth tugged upward. “So don’t be surprised if there’s now a story or two about you already finding its way across the world.”

Nesryn observed him for a long moment, the howling mountain wind blending with Kadara’s snoring. She’d always excelled at archery, took pride in her unmatched aim, but she had not learned because she coveted renown. She’d done it because she enjoyed it, because it gave her a direction to aim that wind-seeking inclination. And yet …

Sartaq cleared away the last of the food and did a quick check that the campsite was secure before heading off between the boulders himself. With only those foreign stars to witness, Nesryn smiled. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 25)

That conversation...... Without words. Nestaq is the serious couple that knows how to be hilarious.

“Were you ever—”

“It’s not worth talking about.” Not when she could sometimes still feel that rock as it collided with her head, hear the taunts of those children. She swallowed and added, “Your Highness.” A low laugh. “So my title makes an appearance again.” But he didn’t press further. He only said, “I’m going to beg you not to call me Prince or Your Highness around the other riders.”

“You’re going to beg me, or you are?” His arms tightened around her in mock warning. “It took me years to get them to stop asking if I needed my silk slippers or servants to brush my hair.” Nesryn chuckled. “Amongst them, I am simply Sartaq.” He added, “Or Captain.”

“Captain?”

“Another thing you and I have in common, it seems.” Shameless flirt indeed. “But you rule all six ruk clans. They answer to you.”

“They do, and when we all gather, I am Prince. But amongst my family’s own clan, the Eridun, I captain their forces. And obey the word of my hearth-mother.” He squeezed her again for emphasis. “Which I’d advise you doing as well, if you don’t want to be stripped and tied to a cliff face in the middle of a storm.”

“Holy gods.”

“Indeed.”

“Did she—”

“Yes. And as you said, it’s not worth talking about.” But Nesryn chuckled again, surprised to find her face aching from smiling so often these past few minutes. “I appreciate the warning, Captain.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 29)

"Emissary or bride?" “Sartaq never brings such pretty ladies home—from Adarlan or Antica. Be careful walking around the cliff edges, Captain Faliq, or some of the girls here might give you a shove.” Borte, you are of my clan, girl.

A faint gleam of approval entered Borte’s dark eyes just before the girl jerked her chin toward Nesryn. “A Balruhni woman in the leathers of a rukhin. Now, there’s a sight.” Sartaq didn’t answer. He only glanced in Nesryn’s direction. An invitation. And challenge. So Nesryn slipped her hands into the pockets of her close-fitting pants and sauntered to the prince’s side. “Will it be improved if I tell you I caught Sartaq filing his nails this morning?”

Borte stared at Nesryn, blinking once. Then she tipped back her head and howled. Sartaq threw an approving yet beleaguered glance in Nesryn’s direction before saying, “Meet my hearth-sister, Borte. Granddaughter and heir of my hearth-mother, Houlun.” He reached between them to tug one of Borte’s braids. She batted his hand away. “Borte, meet Captain Nesryn Faliq.” He paused for a breath, then added, “Of the Royal Guard of Adarlan.” Silence. Borte’s arched dark brows rose. An aging man in rukhin leathers pressed forward. “But what is more unusual: that a Balruhni woman is their captain, or that a captain of Adarlan has ventured so far?” Borte waved the man off. “Always the idle chatter and questions with you,” she scolded him. And to Nesryn’s shock, the man winced and shut his mouth. “The real question is...” A sly grin at Sartaq. “Does she come as emissary or bride?” Any attempt at a steady, cool, calm appearance vanished as Nesryn gaped at the girl. Right as Sartaq snapped, “Borte.”

Borte gave a downright wicked grin. “Sartaq never brings such pretty ladies home—from Adarlan or Antica. Be careful walking around the cliff edges, Captain Faliq, or some of the girls here might give you a shove.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 29)

I didn't know whether to smile or scream.

Sartaq’s smile grew. “Perhaps we could also do a bit of archery practice.” He looked her over with a frankness that made her shift in her seat. “I’m certainly keen to match myself against Neith’s Arrow, and I’m sure the young warriors are, too.” Nesryn pushed back her own plate, brows lifting. “They’ve heard of me?” Sartaq grinned. “I might have told a story or two the last time I came here. Why do you think there were so many people gathered when we arrived? They certainly don’t usually bother to drag themselves here to see me.” “But Borte seemed like she’d never—”

“Does Borte seem like a person who gives anyone an easy time?” Something deeper in her warmed. “No. But how could they have known I was coming?” His answering grin was the portrait of princely arrogance. “Because I sent word a day before that you were likely to join me.” Nesryn gaped at him, unable to maintain that mask of calm. Rising, Sartaq scooped up their plates. “I told you that I was praying you’d join me, Nesryn Faliq. If I’d shown up empty-handed, Borte would have never let me hear the end of it.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 29)

"They didn’t mention that you’re beautiful." huh huh!!

“Pick a mark,” Nesryn told Borte. The woman smirked. “Neck, heart, head.” She pointed to each of the three dummies, a different mark for each one. Wind rattled them, the aim and strength needed to hit each utterly different. Borte knew it—all the warriors here did. Nesryn lifted an arm behind her head, dragging her fingers along the fletching, the feathers rippling against her skin as she scanned the three targets. Listened to the murmur of the winds racing past Rokhal, that wild summons she heard echoed in her own heart. Wind-seeker, her mother had called her. One after another, Nesryn withdrew an arrow and fired.

Again, and again, and again.

Again, and again, and again.

Again, and again, and again.

And when she finished, only the howling wind answered—the wind of Torke, the Roarer. Every training ring had stopped. Staring at what she’d done. Instead of three arrows distributed amongst the three dummies, she’d fired nine. Three rows of perfectly aligned shots on each: heart, neck, and head. Not an inch of difference. Even with the singing winds. Sartaq was grinning when she turned to him, his long braid drifting behind him, as if it were a sulde itself. But Borte elbowed past him, and breathed to Nesryn, “Show me.”

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But then Sartaq said, “You’re a good teacher.”

“Thank you.” It was all she could think to say. He’d kept close to her side while she walked the others through her various positions and techniques, but had said little. A leader who did not need to constantly be filling the air with talking and boasting. He blew out a breath, shoulders loosening. “And I’m relieved to see that the reality lives up to the legend.” Nesryn chuckled, grateful to be back on safer ground. “You had doubts?” They reached the landing that would take them to the great hall. Sartaq let her fall into step beside him. “The reports left out some key information. It made me doubt their accuracy.” It was the sly gleam in his eye that made Nesryn angle her head. “What, exactly, did they fail to mention?” They reached the great hall, empty save for a cloaked figure just barely visible on the other side of the fire pit—and someone sitting beside her.

But Sartaq turned to her, examining her from head to toe and back again. There was little that he missed. “They didn’t mention that you’re beautiful.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 30)

Nesryn saving Sartaq's life.

“Don’t.” He gave her an incredulous look over his shoulder. Nesryn kept her own face like stone. “Your ej said these towers were laid with traps. Just because we have yet to see one does not mean they are not still here.” She pointed with her arrow toward the open archway to the levels belowground. “We keep quiet, tread carefully. I go first.” To hell with being the rearguard, if he was prone to plunging into danger. The prince’s eyes flared, but she didn’t let him object. “I faced some of the horrors of Morath this spring and summer. I know how to mark them—and where to strike.” Sartaq looked her over again. “You really should have been promoted.” Nesryn smiled, releasing his muscled bicep. Wincing as she realized the liberties she’d taken by grabbing him, touching a prince without permission—

“Two captains, remember?” he said, noting the cringe she failed to hide. Indeed. Nesryn inclined her head and stepped in front of him—and into the archway of the stairs leading below. Her arm strained as she pulled the bowstring taut, scanning the darkness immediately beyond the stairwell entrance. When nothing leaped out, she slackened the bow, placed her arrow back in the quiver, and plucked up a handful of rocks from the ground, shards and chips from the felled blocks of stone around them. A step behind, Sartaq did the same, filling his pockets with them. Listening carefully, Nesryn rolled one of the rocks down the spiral stairs, letting it bounce and crack and— A faint click, and Nesryn hurled herself back, slamming into Sartaq and sending them both sprawling to the ground. A thud sounded within the stairwell below, then another. In the quiet that followed, her heavy breathing the only sound, she listened again. “Hidden bolts,” she observed, wincing as she found Sartaq’s face mere inches away. His eyes were upon the stairwell, even as he kept a hand on her back, the other angling his long knife toward the archway.

“Seems I owe you my life, Captain,” Sartaq said, and Nesryn quickly peeled back, offering a hand to help him rise. He clasped it, his hand warm around hers as she hauled him to his feet. “Don’t worry,” Nesryn said drily. “I won’t tell Borte.” She plucked up another handful of rocks and sent them rolling and scattering down the gloom of the stairs. A few more clicks and thumps—then silence. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 33)

Sartaq saving Nesryn's life.

Click. Nesryn was so focused on the wall ahead that she didn’t consider where the click had come from. Not in front, but below. One heartbeat, she was crouched on a step. The next, it had slid away beneath her feet, a black pit yawning open beneath— Strong hands wrapped around her shoulder, her collar, a blade clattering on stone— Nesryn scrabbled for the lip of the nearest stair as Sartaq held her, grunting at her weight, his long knife tumbling into the blackness beneath. Metal hit metal. Bounced off it again and again, the clanking filling the stairwell. Spikes. Likely a field of metal spikes—

Sartaq hauled her up, and her nails cracked on stone as she grappled for purchase on the smooth step. But then she was up, half sprawled on the stairs between Sartaq’s legs, both of them panting as they peered to the gap beyond. “I think we’re even,” Nesryn said, fighting and failing to master her shaking. The prince clasped her shoulder, while his other hand brushed down the back of her head. A comforting, casual touch. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 33)

We know who's in command in the relationship

Nesryn caught him before he could eat dirt, and snapped at Sartaq, “If you don’t get him bandages and supplies right now, I’ll give you a wound to match.” The prince blinked at her, mouth falling open. Then he whistled through his teeth, sharp and swift, while he strode for Kadara, his steps clipped. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 35)

This is more how Nesryn felt among the rukhin than a Nestaq moment. I'm going to kind of open a giant parenthesis to leave this here.

She’d never seen anything so great and unforgiving, so vast and beautiful. And even though she was as insignificant as a mayfly compared with the size of the mountains around them, some piece of her felt keenly a part of it, born from it. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 30)

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It was the warm welcome that still surprised her. The smiles of the rukhin who asked, some shyly, some boldly, for demonstrations with her bow and arrow. But for all she showed them, she, too, learned. Went soaring with Sartaq through the mountain passes, the prince calling out targets and Nesryn striking them, learning how to fire into the wind, as the wind. He even let her ride Kadara alone—just once, and enough for her to again wonder how they let four-year-olds do it, but … she’d never felt so unleashed. So unburdened and unbridled and yet settled in herself.

So they went, clan to clan, hearth to hearth. Sartaq checking up on the riders and their training, stopping to visit new babes and ailing old folk. Nesryn remained his shadow—or tried to. Anytime she lingered a step back, Sartaq nudged her forward. Anytime there was a task to be done with the others, he asked her to do it. The washing-up after a meal, the returning of arrows from target practice, the cleaning-out of the ruk droppings from halls and nests. The last task, at least, the prince joined her in. No matter his rank, no matter his status as captain, he did every chore without a word of complaint. No one was above work, he told her when she’d asked one night. And whether she was scraping crusted droppings from the ground or teaching young warriors how to string a bow, something restless in her had settled.

She could no longer picture it—the quiet meetings at the palace in Rifthold where she had given solemn guards their orders and then parted ways amongst marble floors and finery. Could not remember the city barracks, where she’d lurked in the back of a crowded room, gotten her orders, and then stood on a street corner for hours, watching people buy and eat and argue and walk about. Another lifetime, another world. Here in the deep mountains, breathing in the crisp air, seated around the fire pit to hear Houlun narrate tales of rukhin and the horse-lords, tales of the first khagan and his beloved wife, whom Borte had been named after… She could not remember that life before. And did not want to go back to it. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 37)

“Another tale to spread of Neith’s Arrow.” I didn't cry here. And beautiful, smart, excellent archer, and sings well. Nesryn Faliq, the complete package.

“But I can sing for you.” Silence. Houlun set down her whetstone. “A song would be appreciated.” A scowl at Borte and Sartaq. “Since neither of my children can carry a tune to save their lives.” Borte rolled her eyes at her hearth-mother, but Sartaq bowed his head in apology, a crooked grin now on his mouth. Nesryn smiled, even as her heart pounded at her bold offer. She’d never really performed for anyone, but this … It was not performing, as much as it was sharing. She listened to the wind whispering outside the cave mouth for a long moment, the others falling quiet.

“This is a song of Adarlan,” she said at last. “From the foothills north of Rifthold, where my mother was born.” An old, familiar ache filled her chest. “She used to sing this to me—before she died.” A glimmer of sympathy in Houlun’s steely gaze. But Nesryn glanced to Borte as she spoke, finding the young woman’s face unusually soft—staring at Nesryn as if she had not seen her before. Nesryn gave her a small, subtle nod. It is a weight we both bear. Borte offered a small, quiet smile in return. Nesryn listened to the wind again. Let herself drift back to her pretty little bedroom in Rifthold, let herself feel her mother’s silken hands stroking her face, her hair. She had been so taken with her father’s stories of his far-off homeland, of the ruks and horse-lords, that she had rarely asked for anything about Adarlan itself, despite being a child of both lands.

And this song of her mother’s … One of the few stories she had, in the form she loved best. Of her homeland in better days. And she wanted to share it with them—that glimpse into what her land might again become. Nesryn cleared her throat. Took a bracing breath. And then she opened her mouth and sang. The crackle of the fire her only drum, Nesryn’s voice filled the Mountain-Hall of Altun, wending through the ancient pillars, bouncing off the carved rock. She had the sense of Sartaq going very still, had the sense that there was nothing hard or laughing on his face. But she focused on the song, on those long-ago words, that story of distant winters and speckles of blood on snow; that story of mothers and their daughters, how they loved and fought and tended to each other.

Her voice soared and fell, bold and graceful as a ruk, and Nesryn could have sworn that even the howling winds paused to listen. And when she finished, a gilded, high note of the spring sun breaking across cold lands, when silence and the crackling fire filled the world once more… Borte was crying. Silent tears streaming down her pretty face. Houlun’s hand was tightly wrapped around her granddaughter’s, the whetstone set aside. A wound still healing—for both of them.

And perhaps Sartaq, too—for grief limned his face. Grief, and awe, and perhaps something infinitely more tender as he said, “Another tale to spread of Neith’s Arrow.”

She ducked her head again, accepting the praise of the others with a smile. Falkan clapped as best he could manage and called for another song. Nesryn, to her surprise, obliged them. A merry, bright mountain song her father had taught her, of rushing streams amid blooming fields of wildflowers. But even as the night moved on, as Nesryn sang in that beautiful mountain-hall, she felt Sartaq’s stare. Different from any he’d given before. And though she told herself she should, Nesryn did not look away. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 37)

I can't be the only person who is passionate about the conversations Nestaq has in the sky.

Nesryn chewed her lip. “Why—why is it that you haven’t married?” She’d never had the nerve to ask. Though she’d certainly found herself wondering it during these weeks. Sartaq’s hands flexed on the reins before he answered. “I’ve been too busy. And the women who have been presented as potential brides… They were not for me.”She had no right to pry, but she asked, “Why?” (Ana's Note: because them were not you, duh.)

“Because whenever I showed them Kadara, they either cowered, or pretended to be interested in her, or asked just how much time I’d be spending away.”

“Hoping for frequent absences, or because they’d miss you?” Sartaq chuckled. “I couldn’t tell. The question itself felt like enough of a leash that I knew they were not for me.”

“So your father allows you to wed where you will?” Dangerous, strange territory. She waited for him to tease her about it, but Sartaq fell quiet. “Yes. Even Duva’s arranged marriage … She was all for it. Said she didn’t want to have to sort through a court of snakes to find one good man and still pray he hadn’t deceived her. I wonder if there’s something to be said for it. She lucked out, anyway—quiet as he is, her husband adores her. I saw his face the moment they met. Saw hers, too. Relief, and … something more.” And what would become of them—of their child—if another Heir were chosen for the throne? Nesryn asked carefully, “Why not end this tradition of competing with each other?” Sartaq was silent for a long minute. “Perhaps one day, whoever takes the throne will end it. Love their siblings more than they honor the tradition. I like to believe we have moved past who we were centuries ago—when the empire was still fledgling. But perhaps now, these years of relative peace, perhaps this is the dangerous time.” He shrugged, his body shifting against hers. “Perhaps war will sort the matter of succession for us.” And maybe it was because they were so high above the world, because that dim land swept ever closer, but Nesryn asked, “There is nothing that would keep you from war if it called, then?”

“You sound as if you are reconsidering this goal of yours to drag us into the north.” She stiffened. “I will admit that these weeks here … It was easier before to ask for your aid. When the rukhin were a nameless, faceless legion. When I did not know their names, their families. When I did not know Houlun, or Borte. Or that Borte is betrothed.” A low laugh at that. Borte had refused—outright refused—to answer Nesryn’s questions about Yeran. She said it wasn’t even worth talking about. “I’m sure Borte would be glad to go to war, if only to compete with Yeran for glory on the battlefield.”

“A true love match, then.” Sartaq smiled at her ear. “You have no idea.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 41)

It was all too intense here, damn spiders, Kadara hurt, Nesryn and Sartaq almost dying, the confession... And no, I didn't cry. Again. You realize how important Kadara is to the Sartaq.

Sartaq pivoted them, his body a solid wall around hers as Nesryn realized where the sky was, where the pass floor was— He roared as they struck the shale, as he kept her atop him, taking the full brunt of the impact.

.................

“Not broken,” he rasped. “Not broken.” It was more to himself than her. But Nesryn managed to keep her fingers steady as she freed the buckles. The thick riding leathers had saved his life, saved his skin from being flayed off his bones. He’d taken the impact for her, moved her so that he’d hit it first— She clawed at the shale covering his shoulders and his upper arms, sharp rock cutting into her fingers. The leather strap at the end of her braid had come free in the impact, and her hair now fell about her face, half blocking her view of the forest behind and rock around them. “Get up,” she panted. “Get up.” He took a breath, blinking furiously. “Get up,” she begged him. Shale shifted ahead, and a low, pained cry echoed off the rock. Sartaq snapped upright. “Kadara—”

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The mighty ruk tried and failed to rise. “FLY,” Sartaq bellowed. Slowly, so slowly the ruk lumbered to her legs, her scraped beak dragging through the loose rock. She wasn’t going to make it. Wasn’t going to get airborne in time. For just beyond the web-shrouded tree line… Shadows writhed. Scuttled closer. Nesryn sheathed her sword and drew her bow, arrow shaking as she aimed it toward the rock the hatchling had been hauled behind, then the trees a hundred yards off.

“Go, Kadara,” Sartaq begged. “Get up!” The bird was barely in shape to fly, let alone carry riders— Rock clacked and skittered behind her. From the labyrinth of rock within the pass. Trapped. They were trapped— Falkan shifted in her pocket, trying to wriggle free. Nesryn covered him with her forearm, pressing hard. “Not yet,” she breathed. “Not yet.” His powers were not Lysandra’s. He had tried and failed to shift into a ruk this week. But the large wolf was as big as he could manage. Anything larger was beyond his magic.

“Kadara—” The first of the spiders broke from the tree line. As black and sleek as her fallen sister. Nesryn let her arrow fly. The spider fell back, screaming—an unholy sound that shook the rocks as that arrow sank into an eye. Nesryn instantly had another arrow drawn, backing toward Kadara, who was just now beginning to flap her wings— The ruk stumbled. Sartaq screamed, “FLY!”

Wind stirred Nesryn’s hair, sending shards of shale skittering. The ground rumbled behind, but Nesryn did not dare take her eyes off the second spider that emerged from the trees. She fired again, the song of her arrow drowned out by the flap of Kadara’s wings. A heavy, pained beat, but it held steady— Nesryn glanced behind for a breath. Just one, just to see Kadara bobbing and waving, fighting for every wing beat upward through the narrow pass, blood and shale dripping from her. Right as a kharankui emerged from one of the shadows of the rocks high up the peak, legs bending as if it would leap upon the ruk’s back— Nesryn fired, a second arrow on its tail. Sartaq’s. Both found their marks. One through an eye, the other through the open mouth of the spider. It shrieked, tumbling down from its perch. Kadara swung wide to dodge it, narrowly avoiding the jagged face of the peak. The spider’s splat thudded through the maze of rock ahead. But then Kadara was up, into the gray sky, flapping like hell. Sartaq whirled toward Nesryn just as she looked back at the pine forest. To where half a dozen kharankui now emerged, hissing. Blood coated the prince, his every breath ragged, but he managed to grab Nesryn’s arm and breathe, “Run.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 42)

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Nesryn just pushed onward, the pass becoming a fraction wider, counting her breaths. They were likely some of her last— Thinking that way helped no one and nothing. She’d stared down death this summer, when that wave of glass had come crashing toward her. Had stared it down, and been saved. Perhaps she would be lucky again, too. Sartaq stumbled out behind her, breathing hard. Water. They desperately needed water—and bandages for his wounds. If the spiders did not find them, then the lack of water in the arid pass might very well kill them first. Long before any help arrived from the Eridun rukhin. Nesryn forced one step in front of another, the path narrowing again, the rock as tight as a vise. She twisted sideways, edging through, her swords scraping. Sartaq grunted, then let out a pained curse. “I’m stuck.”

She found him indeed wedged behind her, the bulk of his broad chest and shoulders pinned. He shoved himself forward, blood leaking from his wounds as he pushed and pulled. “Stop,” she ordered. “Stop—wriggle back out if you can.” There was no other way through and nothing to climb over, but if they removed his weapons— His dark eyes met hers. She saw the words forming. You keep going.

“Sartaq,” she breathed. They heard it then. Claws clicking on stone. Skittering along. Many of them. Too many. Coming from behind, closing in. Nesryn grabbed the prince’s hand, tugging. “Push,” she panted. “Push.” He grunted in pain, the veins in his neck bulging as he tried to squeeze through, his boots scraping on the loose rock— Nesryn dug her own feet in, gritting her teeth as she hauled him forward. Click, click, click—

“Harder,” she gasped. Sartaq angled his head, shoving against the rock that held him.

“What a fine morsel, our guest,” hissed a soft female voice. “So large he cannot even fit through the passage. How we shall feast.” Nesryn heaved and heaved, her grip treacherously slippery with sweat and blood from both of them, but she clamped onto his wrist hard enough that she felt bones shift beneath—

“Go,” he whispered, straining to push through. “You run.” Falkan was shifting in her pocket, trying to emerge. But with the rock pressing on her chest, the passage was too tight for even him to poke out his head—

“A pretty pair,” that female continued. “How her hair shines like a moonless night. We shall take you both back to our home, our honored guests.” A sob clawed its way up Nesryn’s throat. “Please,” she begged, scanning the rock high above them, the lip into the upper reaches of the narrow pass, the curving horns of the peaks, tugging and tugging on Sartaq’s arm. “Please,” she begged them, begged anyone.

But Sartaq’s face went calm. So calm. He stopped pushing, stopped trying to haul himself forward. Nesryn shook her head, pulling on his arm. He did not move. Not an inch. His dark eyes met hers. There was no fear in them. Sartaq said to her, clear and steady, “I heard the spies’ stories of you. The fearless Balruhni woman in Adarlan’s empire. Neith’s Arrow. And I knew…” Nesryn sobbed, tugging and tugging. (Ana's Note: here I was almost creating a new ocean with so many tears)

Sartaq smiled at her—gently. Sweetly. In a way she had not yet seen. “I loved you before I ever set eyes on you,” he said. “Please,” Nesryn wept. Sartaq’s hand tightened on hers. “I wish we’d had time.” A hiss behind him, a rising bulk of shining black— Then the prince was gone. Ripped from her hands.

As if he had never been. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 47)

Coming out of hell at last.

Another cry split the night, one she’d learned as well as her own voice. And there was Kadara, sailing hard for them, two other ruks in her wake. Sartaq let out what might have been a sob as one of the other ruks broke away, diving to where Borte swept and lunged and shattered through the kharankui ranks.

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Borte was not done. A light sparked atop her ruk. A flaming arrow. Borte fired it high into the sky. A signal, Nesryn realized as countless wings filled the air around them. And as Borte’s arrow landed atop a web, flame erupting, hundreds of lights kindled in the sky. Ruk riders. Each bearing a flaming arrow. Each now pointing downward. Like a rain of shooting stars, the arrows fell upon the darkness of Dagul. Landed on web and tree. And caught fire. One after another after another.

Until the night was lit up, until smoke streamed, mingling with the rising screams from the peaks and wood. The ruks veered northward, Nesryn shaking as she clung to the talons holding her. Across the way, Sartaq met her gaze, his now-shoulder-length hair rippling in the wind. With the flames below, it made the wounds to his face, his hands, his neck all the more gruesome. His skin was wan, his lips pale, his eyes heavy with exhaustion and relief. And yet…

Sartaq smiled, barely a curve of his mouth. The words the prince had confessed drifted on the wind between them. She could not take her eyes from him. Could not look away. So Nesryn smiled back.

And below and behind them, long into the night, the Dagul Fells burned. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 51)

She loves him, yes. No one can tell me otherwise. Look at this relationship. Look how they interact. Only one thing: perfection.

When Nesryn faced Sartaq, it was in time to see him sway. She lunged, her aching body protesting as she caught the prince around the middle. Someone shouted for a healer, but Sartaq got his legs beneath him, even as he kept his arms about her. Nesryn found herself disinclined to remove her own arms from his waist. Sartaq stared down at her, that soft, sweet smile on his mouth again. “You saved me.”

“It seemed a sorry end for the tales of the Winged Prince,” she replied, frowning at the gash in his leg. “You should be sitting—” Across the hall, light flashed, people cried out… and then the spider was gone. Replaced by a man, covered in slashing cuts and blood. When Nesryn looked back, Sartaq’s gaze was on her face. Her throat closed up, her mouth pressing into a trembling line as she realized that they were here. They were here, and alive, and she had never known such true terror and despair as she had in those moments when he had been hauled away.

“Don’t cry,” he murmured, leaning down to brush his mouth over the tears that escaped. He said against her skin, “Whatever would they say about Neith’s Arrow then?” Nesryn laughed despite herself, despite what had happened, and wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she dared, resting her head against his chest. Sartaq just wordlessly stroked her hair and held her right back.

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Nesryn had slept the entirety of the day before. Not in her room, but curled in bed beside the prince now standing with her before the assembled group. They had both been patched up and bathed, and though Sartaq had not so much as kissed her… Nesryn had not objected when he led her by the hand and limped into his bedroom. So they had slept. And when they had awoken, when their wounds had been rebandaged, they’d emerged to find the hall full of riders. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 57)

In this scene, I really see them as the future Khagan and future Grand Empress. And together, leading, the two do not complete each other, they overflow each other.

All eyes shifted between them, some warm and welcoming, some worried, some hard. Sartaq said to the group gathered, “The kharankui have stirred again.” Murmurs and shifting rustled through the hall. “And though the threat was dealt with bravely and fiercely by the Berlad clan, the spiders will likely return again. They have heard a dark call through the world. And they are poised to answer it.” Nesryn stepped forward. Lifted her chin. And though the words filled her with dread, speaking them here felt as natural as breathing. “We learned many things in the Pass of Dagul,” Nesryn said, voice ringing out across the pillars and stones of the hall. “Things that will change the war in the north. And change this world.” Every eye was on her now. Houlun nodded from her spot near Borte, who smiled in encouragement. Yeran sat nearby, half watching his betrothed. Sartaq’s fingers brushed hers. Once—in urging. And promise.

“We do not face an army of men in the northern continent,” Nesryn went on. “But of demons. And if we do not rise to meet this threat, if we do not rise to meet it as one people, of all lands… Then we will find our doom instead.” So she told them. The full history. Of Erawan. And Maeve. She did not mention the quest for the keys, but by the time she was done, the hall was astir as clans whispered to one another.

“I leave this choice to you,” Sartaq said, voice unfaltering. “The horrors in the Dagul Fells are only the start. I will pass no judgment, should you choose to remain. But all who fly with me, we soar under the khagan’s banner. We shall leave you to debate amongst yourselves.” And with that, taking Nesryn by the hand, Sartaq led her from the hall, Falkan falling into step behind them. Borte and Houlun remained, as heads of the Eridun clan. Nesryn knew how they would side, that they would fly north, but the others… - (Tower of Dawn chapter 57)

Back to Antica. Finally, Nesryn and Chaol are resolved. The Rukhin ready to go to war. Sartaq ready to marry.

“I know,” Sartaq said quietly. The prince turned to Nesryn, and as she held his stare … Chaol saw it. The glimmer between them. A bond, new and trembling. But there it was, right along with the cuts and wounds they both bore. “I know,” Sartaq said again, his fingers brushing Nesryn’s.

Nesryn met Chaol’s eyes then. She smiled softly at him, glancing to where Yrene now asked Hafiza about whether she could stand. He’d never seen Nesryn appear so … settled. So quietly happy. Chaol swallowed. I’m sorry, he said silently. Nesryn shook her head as Sartaq scooped his sister into his arms with a grunt, the prince balancing his weight on his good leg. I think I did just fine.

Chaol smiled. Then I am happy for you.

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Nesryn wiped away her tears as Chaol closed the distance between them and embraced her tightly. “Thank you,” he said in Nesryn’s ear. She squeezed him back. “Thank you—for bringing me here. To all of this.” To the prince who now looked at Nesryn with a quiet, burning sort of emotion. She added, “We have many things to tell you.” Chaol nodded. “And we you.”

They pulled apart, and Yrene approached—throwing her arms around Nesryn as well. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 64)

And honestly, I love the fact that Nesryn and Yrene get along. There are people who wanted the two to hate each other and I'm like: people, why?

This is not a Nestaq moment either, it is a point about Nesryn and Salkhi, which in a way, Sartaq was the one who gave it a little push to happen.

“That one over there,” the prince said at last, pointing to a reddish-brown ruk sitting by the opposite wall. She’d seen the ruk often—mostly noting that he was alone, never visited by a rider, unlike some of the others. “His rider died a few months back. Clutched at his chest in a meal and died. The rider was old, but the ruk …” Sartaq smiled sadly at the bird. “He’s young—not yet four.”

“What happens to the ones whose riders die?”

“We offer them freedom. Some fly off to the wilds. Some remain.” Sartaq crossed his arms. “He remained.”

“Do they ever get new riders?”

“Some do. If they accept them. It is the ruk’s choice.” Nesryn heard the invitation in his voice. Read it in the prince’s eyes. Her throat tightened. “Our three weeks are up.”

“Indeed they are.” She faced the prince fully, tilting her head back to see his face. “We need more time.”

“So what did you say?”A simple question. But she’d taken hours to figure out how to word her letter to Chaol, then given it to Sartaq’s fastest messenger. “I asked for another three weeks.” He angled his head, watching her with that unrelenting intensity. “A great deal can happen in three weeks.” Nesryn made herself keep her shoulders squared, chin high. “Even so, at the end of it, I must return to Antica.” Sartaq nodded, though something like disappointment guttered his eyes. “Then I suppose the ruk in the aerie will have to wait for another rider to come along.” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 37)

......................

Nesryn murmured to the bird, guiding him toward the Runni Quarter while they flew on a salt-kissed breeze as fast as his wings could carry them. She had claimed him upon leaving the Eridun aerie.

Had gone right to the nests, where he had still waited for a rider who would never return, and looked deep into his golden eyes. Had told him that her name was Nesryn Faliq, and she was daughter of Sayed and Cybele Faliq, and that she would be his rider, if he would have her. She wondered if the ruk, whose late rider had called him Salkhi, had known the burning in her eyes had not been from the roaring wind as he’d bowed his head to her. Then she’d flown him, Salkhi keeping pace with Kadara at the head of the host as the rukhin sailed northward. Raced to Antica. - (Tower of Dawn chapter 66)

I SIMPLY HAVE NO WORDS. I am completely in love with the Sartaq (with all due respect, Nesryn). And guys, here's a big Appreciation to Nesryn's family too. I love them. Her father, her sister, her nephews and nieces, her uncle and aunt, her cousins....... What a people..... They are one of the funniest families I have ever seen in my life.

How Sartaq found her two hours later, Nesryn didn’t know. Though she supposed a ruk sitting in the street of a fancy quarter of Antica was sure to cause a stir. And be easy to spot. She had wept and laughed and held her family for untold minutes, right in the middle of the street, Salkhi looking on. And when her uncle and aunt had called them in to at least cry over a good cup of tea, her family had told her of their adventures. The wild seas they had sailed, the enemies their ship had dodged on their voyage here. But they had made it—and here they would stay while the war raged, her father said, to the nods of her uncle and aunt. When she emerged from the house gates at last, her father claiming the honor of escorting Nesryn to Salkhi—after he’d shooed off her sister to go manage that circus of children—Nesryn had halted so quickly her father had nearly slammed into her.

Because standing beside Salkhi was Sartaq, a half smile on his face. And on the other side of Salkhi… Kadara patiently waited, the two ruks a proud pair indeed. Her father’s eyes widened, as if recognizing the ruk before the prince. But then her father bowed. Deeply. Nesryn had told her family—in moderate detail—what had befallen her amongst the rukhin. Her sister and aunt had glared at her when the various children began to declare that they, too, would be ruk riders. And then took off through the house, shrieking and flapping their arms, leaping off furniture with wild abandon.

She expected Sartaq to wait to be approached, but the prince spotted her father and strode forward. Then reached out and clasped his hand. “I heard Captain Faliq’s family had at last arrived safely,” Sartaq said by way of greeting. “I thought I’d come to welcome you myself.” (Ana's Note: meeting his father-in-law 😏😌)

Something swelled in her chest to the point of pain as Sartaq inclined his head to her father. Sayed Faliq looked like he might very well keel over dead, either from the gesture of respect or Kadara’s mere presence behind them. Indeed, several small heads now popped behind his legs, scanning the prince, then the ruks, and then—

“KADARA!”

Her aunt and uncle’s youngest child—no more than four—screamed the ruk’s name loud enough that anyone in the city who didn’t know the bird was on this street was now well aware. Sartaq laughed as the children shoved past Nesryn’s father, racing for the golden bird. Her sister was on their heels, warning springing from her lips— Until Kadara lowered herself to the ground, Salkhi following suit. The children halted, reverence stealing over them as they reached out tentative hands toward the two ruks and stroked them gently. Nesryn’s sister sighed with relief. Then realized who stood before Nesryn and their father. Delara went red. She patted her dress, as if it would somehow cover the fresh food stains courtesy of her youngest. Then she slowly backed into the house, bowing as she went.

Sartaq laughed as she vanished—but not before Delara gave Nesryn a sharp look that said, Oh, you are so smitten it’s not even a laughing matter.

Nesryn gave her sister a vulgar gesture behind her back that their father chose not to see. Her father was saying to Sartaq, “I apologize if my grandchildren, nieces, and nephews take some liberties with your ruk, Prince.” But Sartaq smiled broadly—a brighter grin than any she’d seen him give before. “Kadara pretends to be a noble mount, but she’s more of a mother hen than anything.” Kadara puffed her feathers, earning squeals of delight from the children. Nesryn’s father squeezed her shoulder before he said to the prince, “I think I’ll go keep them from trying to fly off on her.”

And then they were alone. In the street. Outside her uncle’s house. All of Antica now gawking at them. Sartaq did not seem to notice. Certainly not as he said, “Walk with me?” - (Tower of Dawn chapter 66)

The end is only the beginning. One of my favorite scenes, I literally screamed with happiness.

They headed toward the quiet, clean alley behind her uncle’s house, walking in silence for a few steps. Until Sartaq said, “I spoke to my father.” And she wondered, then, if this meeting was not to be a good one. If the army they had brought was to be ordered back to its aeries. Or if the prince, the life she saw for herself in those beautiful mountains… if perhaps the reality of that, too, had found them. For he was a prince. And for all that she loved her family, for all that they made her so proud, there was not one noble drop of blood in their lineage. Her father shaking Sartaq’s hand was the closest any Faliq had ever come to royalty. Nesryn managed to say, “Oh?”

“We… discussed things.” Her chest sank at the careful words. “I see.”

Sartaq stopped, the sandy alley humming with the buzzing bees in the jasmine that climbed the walls of the bordering courtyards. The one behind them: the back, private courtyard belonging to her family. She wished she could slither over the wall and hide within. Rather than hear this. But Nesryn made herself meet the prince’s eyes. Saw him scanning her face.

“I told him,” Sartaq said at last, “that I planned to lead the rukhin against Erawan, with or without his consent.” Worse. This was getting worse and worse. She wished his face weren’t so damn unreadable. Sartaq took a breath. “He asked me why.”

“I hope you told him that the fate of the world might depend upon it.”

Sartaq chuckled. “I did. But I also told him that the woman I love now plans to head into war. And I intend to follow her.” (Ana's Note: SARTAQ, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU TOUCH MY HEART, WHAT A MAN)

She didn’t let the words sink in. Didn’t let herself believe any of it, until he’d finished. “He told me that you are common-born. That a would-be Heir of the khagan needs to wed a princess, or a lady, or someone with lands and alliances to offer.” Her throat closed up. She tried to shut out the sound, the words. Didn’t want to hear the rest.

But Sartaq took her hand. “I told him if that was what it took to be chosen as Heir, I didn’t want it. And I walked out.” (Ana's Note: oh my Holy God)

Nesryn sucked in a breath. “Are you insane?” (Ana's Note: Yes, friend, for you)

Sartaq smiled faintly. “I certainly hope not, for the sake of this empire.” He tugged her closer, until their bodies were nearly touching. “Because my father appointed me Heir before I could walk out of the room.” (Ana's Note: I collapsed.)

Nesryn left her body. Could only manage to breathe. And when she tried to bow, Sartaq gripped her shoulders tightly. Stopped her before her head could even lower. “Never from you,” he said quietly. Heir—he’d been made Heir. To all this. This land she loved, this land she still wished to explore so much it ached. Sartaq lifted a hand to cup her cheek, his calluses scraping against her skin. “We fly to war. Much is uncertain ahead. Save for this.” He brushed his mouth against hers. “Save for what I feel for you. No demon army, no dark queen or king, will change that.” Nesryn shook, letting the words sink in. “I—Sartaq, you are Heir—” He pulled back to study her again. “We will go to war, Nesryn Faliq. And when we shatter Erawan and his armies, when the darkness is at last banished from this world … Then you and I will fly back here. Together.” He kissed her again—a bare caress of his mouth. “And so we shall remain for the rest of our days.”

She heard the offer, the promise. The world he laid at her feet. She trembled at it. What he so freely gave. Not the empire and crown, but … the life. His heart.

Nesryn wondered if he knew her heart had been his from that very first ride atop Kadara.

Sartaq smiled as if to say yes, he had. So she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. It was tentative, and soft, and full of wonder, that kiss. He tasted like the wind, like a mountain spring. He tasted like home. Nesryn clasped his face in her hands as she pulled back. “To war, Sartaq,” she breathed, memorizing every line of his face. “And then we’ll see what comes after.”

Sartaq gave her a knowing, cocky grin. As if he’d fully decided what would come after and nothing she could say would ever convince him otherwise. And from the courtyard just a wall away, her sister shouted, loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear, “I told you, Father! (😂😂😂😂😂)

This is another giant parenthesis to let you know that Sartaq deserves appreciation, yes.

“My sulde still blows northward. Who knows what I may find on the road ahead? Especially now that Sartaq has the burden of being Heir, and I’m free to do as I please.” The city had been in an uproar about it. Celebrating, debating—it still raged on. What the other royal siblings thought, Yrene did not know, but… there was peace in Kashin’s eyes. And in the eyes of the others, when Yrene had seen them. And part of her indeed wondered if Sartaq had struck some unspoken agreement that went beyond Never Duva. To perhaps even Never Us.

Bonus: An excerpt of Nestaq in Kingdom of Ash.

A soft spot—her ruk had developed a soft spot and an undimming admiration for Sartaq’s mount. Though Nesryn supposed the same could be said about her and the ruk’s rider. Nesryn tore her eyes from the swirling gray clouds and glanced to the rider at her left. His shorn hair had grown out—barely. Just enough to be braided back against the wind. Sensing her attention, the Heir to the khaganate signaled, All is well? Nesryn blushed despite the cold, but signaled back, her numbed fingers clumsy over the symbols. All clear.

A blushing schoolgirl. That’s what she became around the prince, no matter the fact that they’d been sharing a bed these weeks, or what he’d promised for their future.

To rule beside him. As the future empress of the khaganate.

It was absurd, of course. The idea of her dressed like his mother, in those sweeping, beautiful robes and grand headdresses… No, she was better suited to the rukhin leathers, to the weight of steel, not jewels. She’d said as much to Sartaq. Many times. He’d laughed her off. Had said she might walk around the palace naked if she wished. What she wore or didn’t wear wouldn’t bother him in the least. But it was still a ridiculous notion. One the prince seemed to think was the only course for their future. He’d staked his crown on it, had told his father that if being prince meant not being with her, then he’d walk away from the throne. The khagan had offered him the title of Heir instead. - (Kingdom of Ash chapter 6)

And this shouts out Nesryn as Grand Empress!!!!!!!!

Sorry, Nesryn, but I've lived to see you in a dress like this.

It was great to make this post about that amazing couple, it was great to reread some of their scenes, and most of all, it's amazing to be able to bring this Appreciation to Nesryn and Sartaq. These two strong, interesting, brave characters, who have known pain and loss, but have not become victimized or angry at the world. Sartaq and Nesryn made a difference in Throne of Glass, yes. And Tower of Dawn is one of the best books I have ever read in my entire life.

Seeing Nesryn smiling more, even feeling her face hurt from laughing so hard.... That was priceless.

Nestaq is the couple that has respect, admiration, trust and equality as the basis for their relationship. At all times Sartaq treated Nesryn as an equal, always showed the admiration he felt for her, never underestimated her or put her aside, on the contrary, Sartaq took Nesryn ahead of all the clans of the rukhin, and made it clear to his father that she was worth more to him than the crown of one of the largest empires in the world.

Nestaq will always have a special place in my heart.

✧*。Wind-Seeker and her Winged Prince✧*。

✧*。The Commander of the rukhin, the future Khagan and his Neith's Arrow✧*。

Thank you for reading this far, you are welcome to add more, just don't forget to be respectful!!!

[angelasscribbles]

Hinge: Thanksgiving Part 2

Series: Hinge.

Fandom: The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir

Pairings: Drake x Riley x Liam

A/N: See author's note on Polyamory and more.

Everything else: Master List.

Once they all gathered around the table, Riley insisted everyone say something they were thankful for.

Olivia leaned toward Leo, “I told you she was going to make us do the thing.”

Leo smirked, “Of course she is! She’s Riley!”

Riley stood, holding her champagne flute in front of her, “I’ll start! I am so thankful for all of you! I have so many wonderful people in my life and sometimes I think I don’t deserve it! I know for most of you, thanksgiving isn’t even a thing, so I appreciate so much your being here with us today to celebrate my favorite holiday!”

“And I’m thankful for you and our daughter.” Liam brought her hand to his mouth. “I never thought I would be able to marry for love and I will be eternally grateful that you came into my life and changed that.” Everyone oohed and ahhed while Liam gazed adoringly at his bride.

Regina cleared her throat, “I’m thankful for the family I got when I married Constantine. He gave me two sons, and now I have Eleanor as well. And I’m grateful for the amazing king you turned out to be Liam, as I always knew you would. Your father would be proud of you.” She dabbed at her eyes.

Savanna was next, “I’m thankful to get to eat this amazing stuffing again. I’ve been dreaming about it since last year, but Riley won’t share the recipe!”

“Maxwell,” Bertrand began, “I am thankful for all of your help with the Beaumont estate this past year. I have come to depend on you. You have become….adequate at the job.”

“Oh Bert!” Max sniffed, “That may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!”

Bianca raised her glass next, “I’m thankful that my children are happy and that I get to spend Thanksgiving with them both! And I’m thankful to Riley for making it happen.” She smiled and nodded at everyone.

Riley smiled around the table then her gaze fell on Olivia, “Liv? What about you?”

“Oh, is it my turn?” Olivia held her champagne glass up, “I’m thankful these toasts are almost over.”

Riley gave her a look.

Olivia sighed, “And also for friendship, yadda ya.”

Riley smiled as Olivia jabbed Leo in the ribs.

“Oh, bloody hell.” Leo glared at Oliva then straightened up and looked around, “I guess I’m thankful for all of you bastards too, there worse ways to spend the day!”

Drake groaned as Riley looked at him expectantly, he knew he wasn’t getting out of it. He tried to maintain his grumpy façade but as he watched her face, he just couldn’t. He was happy and sometimes that made him sappy. He had accepted it.

He looked first Liam then Riley in the eye and said, “I am thankful for this family we’ve made,” turning his head, he continued, “and yes Max, before you say anything, that includes you and Hana!”

“O.M.G! I’m soooo thankful for this tradition because Bert and Drake both just said nice things about me!” Maxwell was vibrating with happiness, bouncing in his seat like he might explode at any moment.

Hana laughed softly, “Love you Max. Of course they said nice things about you!” She looked over at Xinghai and Lorelia and beamed at them, “I’m thankful that my parents could be here today.”

Hana and her parents had mostly mended things between them. She hoped today would be an end to any lingering awkwardness.

“And we are thankful for you, daughter.” Xinghai responded.

“Yes, we are.” Lorelai echoed.

“That’s everyone, time to eat!” Leo announced reaching for the platter of turkey.

As the food was passed around, Hana’s mother moved closer to her.

“Hana, we are so pleased to see you happy and thriving.” Lorelai began, “And we totally understand that you want to marry for love, not duty or position.”

“But…?” Hana eyed her mother suspiciously.

“But nothing dear! It’s just that……we were wondering if that might be imminent any time soon?”

“What?” Hana blinked.

“Marriage, darling. To someone of your choice, of course! Seeing how happy Riley and Liam are…we just want the same for you, right dear?” She implored her husband.

“Yes, quite.” Xinghai chimed in, “And grandchildren! We want grandchildren!”

All other conversations halted as everyone tried, and failed, not to listen in. Hana shifted uncomfortably in her seat and Maxwell reached out and took her hand comfortingly.

“I haven’t decided if I want children yet.” Hana said levelly. What she didn’t add was that she had no idea how to be parent because of the horrid way she herself had been raised and wasn’t sure she wanted to subject a child to her parents as grandparents. It was a valid concern in her book.

“Oh, but sweetheart! Look at how charming little Eleanor is! Who wouldn’t want that?” Lorelai beamed over at Ellie as she flung fistfuls of mashed potatoes to the ground, sending the dogs running around, tails wagging, trying to beat each other to the splatters as they landed on the floor.

“Uh….” Hana loved Ellie, she delighted in being her aunt. But that wasn’t the same as being a mother. She looked at Maxwell in distress.

Maxwell cleared his throat and attempted to change the subject, “Hey, did anyone see that…game…the other day? Football, or… something?”

Lorelai glanced meaningfully at their clasped hands and asked, “Maybe your future husband will convince you. Do you have anyone in mind?”

Hana followed her mother’s gaze and jerked her hand out of Maxwell’s, “Oh, no, no.” She shook her head vigorously.

“Why not?” Her mother persisted, “You two seem to get along very well, you’re always together, he was just holding your hand. He seems very nice.” She gave Maxwell a smile and he choked on the drink he was taking.

Hana handed him a napkin while she pounded on his back, “Are you ok, Max?” she asked in concern.

He nodded while holding the napkin to his mouth, eyes watering. When he had recovered, he turned to her gratefully, “Thank you.”

“See?” Lorelai pointed to them, “See what I mean?” She directed her question to Xinghai who nodded in agreement.

“Absolutely. It seems quite obvious to us that you two are in love.”

“No, no, no, that’s not- just no!” Hana resumed her head shaking.

Max gave her a look, “Well you don’t have to sound so horrified by the thought!”

“Max! Come on!”

“Yeah, no, I know, I’m just saying, I’m a catch, that’s all.”

Hana smirked at that, “You absolutely are. For the right guy!”

Max turned his attention to Hana’s parents, “She’s right. She’s not my type.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lorelai demanded, “She’s funny, smart, attractive-“

“And she’s a girl.”

Lorelai blinked, “What does that mean?”

“It means I’m gay.”

“Gay?” She asked, as if she’d never heard the world before.

“Yes, gay. As in queer, you know? A flaming homosexual. I like boys, men, people of the male persuasion. I like the D, I like to suck co-“

“MAXWELL!” Bertrand was standing, his face beet red.

“What?” Maxwell asked innocently.

“A little decorum please! You can’t say things like that at the king’s home!”

Maxwell glanced around the table, “They don’t seem to mind.”

Liam had pushed away from the table and was leaning over, napkin pressed against his mouth as if he were choking, but his shoulders were shaking with laughter. Riley had turned toward Liam and her head was pressed into his shoulder, her shoulders also shaking with silent laughter.

Savannah was doing her best to keep a straight face but tears of mirth were streaming down her face. Drake was the only one not bothering to hide it, his head was back as he roared with unconcealed laughter. Even Regina was biting her lip and pretending to be extremely interested in the contents of her plate. Leo and Olivia were both snickering as they held onto each other, Olivia biting into his shoulder in the attempt to keep quiet.

Bertrand glanced around the table then murmured, “I see.” And resumed his seat. Glancing at his wife, he mouthed, “Really?” Which only made Savannah laugh harder.

“Sorry Bert! I…can’t…help…it!” She gasped out.

“What’s so funny mama?” Bartie asked.

“I’ll explain it later sweetie.” She promised.

“Mr. And Mrs. Lee, I apologize for my brother’s crassness.” Bertrand inclined his head toward them.

“It’s quite alright your grace.” Xinghai replied, “We had no idea.”

Lorelai wasn’t giving up though. “Ok, fine, maybe not lord Beaumont, but surely there’s someone?” Her gaze drifted over to Drake.

“No!” Riley, Drake and Liam chorused together.

“I mean….it’s just that…..” Riley stumbled over her words.

“What Riley means is-“ Liam interjected.

“Hell no.” Drake interrupted, “No offense Hana, you know I love you.”

Hana smiled back at him, “I know.”

Lorelia looked confused, “But… you just said you loved her.”

“Like a sister.”

“Hmph.”

“Mom, please, just stop.”

“But dear, he’s single and attractive-“

“MOM!”

“What?” Lorelia dropped her fork, throwing her arms out in the universal gesture of what did I do?

Hana sighed. This was not how she had envisioned coming out, but it was clear that her mother was not going to let up. She glanced up at Maxwell who nodded and took her hand again.

She drew in a deep breath and blurted out, “Mom, dad, I’m also gay!”

“What?” Xinghai exploded.

“You’re what?” Lorelia asked in shock.

“You know, gay, as in a lesbian, I like girls, women, people of the female persuasion, I am not saying the rest, Max!” She swatted at him as he chortled in response to her outburst.

“Oh sweet Jesus!” Bertrand muttered under his breath.

“Bert!” Savanna admonished him.

“What?” He looked at her indignantly, “I have no issue with them being gay, but a little decorum at dinner would be appreciated!”

Hana looked around the table in desperation, willing someone to change the subject. Her eyes fell on Savannah who took pity on her and blurted out, “I’m pregnant again!”

“What?!” Bertrand spit out the mouthful of sweet potatoes he had just put in there.

“Sorry babe, I was going to tell you tonight, I just….I just thought maybe everyone could use some good news right now.”

“Oh my God! I’m gonna be a grandmother! Again!” Bianca pushed out of her seat and ran over to embrace her daughter.

“Savannah, my darling, I didn’t mean to sound like that, I was just surprised, that’s all. I…I’m going to be a father again?”

She nodded as she bit her lip, “You ok babe? You look like you might pass out.”

“I have never been more ok in my life! I can’t wait to be a father again!” He declared as he pulled her into his arms.

Everyone congratulated them and talk turned to nursery decorations and birthing plans.

“What about you guys’ Liam, Riley?” Leo asked.

“What about me, what?” Riley asked.

“Any plans for a spare?” He waggled his eyebrows at Liam just before Olivia’s elbow connected with his gut, hard.

“Ooof! What was that for?” He shot her a long-suffering look.

“For being an insensitive cad!” She stated coolly as she fluffed her hair.

Liam looped a protective arm around Riley’s shoulders and responded, “We do want one more, but we’re waiting for a couple of years at least. Riley had a really hard time with Eleanor’s birth, as you’ll remember.”

“Ah shit. Fuck, Livvie’s right, I’m an ass. Sorry Riles.”

“It’s ok,” She gave him a smile, “The doctor doesn’t anticipate any complications next time, the odds of pre-eclampsia happening again are low, but this time they’ll be watching for it and of course, I’ll stay away from locking palace barricades. But in general, she recommended spacing children three to five years apart. Apparently, that increases the odds of positive outcomes for mother and child.”

Murmurs of “I didn’t know that.” And other similar comments erupted around the table and the talk went back to nurseries and baby showers.

Drake leaned over to whisper in her ear, “You’re amazing, you know that?”

She smiled at him, “Why do you say that?”

“The way you can diffuse any situation, turn it around, make people smile.”

Liam leaned in to join the conversation, “He’s right you know. You’re a natural born diplomat.”

“Oh stop! Both of you!” But she glowed under their adoration. It was the thing that fueled her. She felt like she could take on anything, do anything with the two of them by her side.

From the other end of the table, the Lee’s voices drifted over, and Riley stifled a giggle. Poor Hana. Her outburst had only put a stop to her parents for a moment.

“Surely you’ve met a nice girl by now?” Lorelai said.

“You know, with all the advances in in vitro fertilization today-“ Xinghai was about to launch into a whole thing so Riley decided it was time for a rescue.

“Who wants pie? Mr. Lee?” Riley interrupted the conversation and Hana threw her a grateful look.

The pies were brought out: apple, pumpkin, pecan, chocolate silk, key lime, cherry, there was even a cake and of course freshly baked baklava for Liam.

“I thought I smelled baklava!” Liam exclaimed, “I’m sure this isn’t a traditional American thanksgiving item.”

“No, it’s a traditional serve it because I love Liam item.” Riley replied as she leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“And Leo, right? Because I’ll fight you for some little bro!”

Liam laughed at that, “There’s plenty to go around!”

After dessert had been eaten and everyone swore they wouldn’t be able to eat any more for days, Hana and Savannah pulled Riley aside.

“I’m so sorry for my parents-“ Hana started.

“Riley, this is the second time Bert and I have used an event of yours-“

“Oh hush, both of you!” Riley exclaimed, drawing them into a double hug. “I love you both and neither of you did anything wrong!”

“But my parents-“Hana tried again.

“Are mostly just annoying to you! Everyone else was fine! As for you,” She turned to Savannah, “I know you’re not apologizing for Bertrand proposing at my wedding again, because I’ve told you a million times, he had my permission! Also, I’m gonna be an aunt again and I couldn’t be happier for you!”

“So….you’re not upset?” Hana asked.

“We didn’t ruin thanksgiving?” Savannah sounded hopeful.

Riley threw her head back and laughed, “Coming out to your family? Blurting out major personal, unplanned announcements? Sounds exactly like a good old fashioned American thanksgiving to me! Not another word about it! Now come on and let me introduce everyone to American football!”

Drake overheard and whooped out, “How ‘bout them cowboys?!”

“What about them?” Hana asked, confused.

Drake responded with, “We dem boys!”

Hana blinked, “Am I supposed to know what that means?”

Savannah laughed, “How have you been living in the same house with Drake for the last three years and not watched at least one cowboys game?”

“I don’t know….”

“Because I don’t tie people to chairs and force them to watch football with me?” Drake gave Savannah an exaggerated ‘duh’ expression as he walked past her, sticking his tongue out like he use to do when they were kids.

She laughed and slapped him on shoulder, “Ok, smartass. But how do I know you haven’t just been ignoring them all season? Maybe you’ve forgotten your Texan roots!”

“How dare you!” the sound of their playful banter faded as they made their way to the media room, Hana in tow.

“The meal was wonderful.” Lorelai said as the dishes were being cleared.

“Quite,” Bertrand agreed, “this is a lovely tradition.”

“It is. Thank you for inviting us this year.” Xinghai said.

“You’re welcome!” Riley chirped, “Thank you for coming.”

“Our pleasure, dear. I only hope we didn’t upset Hana too much.” Lorelai looked worried.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine, but you have to let her find her own way, in her own time.” Riley replied.

“I suppose.” Lorelai sighed, “Where did she go? I should probably apologize.”

“To the media room!” Riley showed them the way.

As the day wound down, Regina excused herself back to the palace, the Lee’s went up to their room to sleep while everyone else settled in the media room. Riley couldn’t help the warm happiness that stole over her as she looked around the room. She watched Drake and Max as they chased Bartie and Ellie around while both children shrieked in delight. She watched Savannah and Bianca as they huddled together looking at nursery decorations online, she watched Bertrand and Leo as they had an animated discussion about the finer points of sabering champagne and Hana and Liv while they both yelled at the TV. It hadn’t taken long for Hana’s competitive side to kick in once she’d picked a team.

Riley peered up at the man next to her, amused at the intent expression on Liam’s face as he tried to follow the game. She snuggled into him and sighed in contentment. He glanced down at her and smiled, he leaned back and wrapped an arm around her, dropping a kiss onto her head as he observed, “You look happy.”

“I am.” She replied, “Thank you.”

“For what?” Liam asked, “You put all this together, all I did was get home a little early to enjoy it.”

“I mean thank you for loving me, for taking a chance on us, for giving me Ellie, for bringing Max and Hana and Leo and Liv into my life, for being the one to see that Drake belonged with me as much as you did, that none of the three of us would have been happy any other way. You are the most amazing man on the planet, you know that, right?”

He laughed softly at that. It was an ongoing thing between them. Her thinking she was the lucky one when clearly it was him.

“Thank you,” he said, “for bringing every person in this room together. That was you. That was all you. You’re the one that brought Hana into our circle, you’re the one that broke through Livvie’s defenses, you’re the one that found Drake’s sister for the love of God! This, all of this, is all you love!”

“Drake and I found Savannah together.”

“Always so modest.”

She punched him playfully in the arm. “Stop.”

“Never!”

“You’re incorrigible, you know that right?” She giggled.

He bent down and whispered in her ear, “How about after Ellie goes to sleep, I take you back up to our bedroom and show you just incorrigible I can be?”

She shivered, “Oohhh, I like the sound of that!”

He snuggled closer as he continued to murmur, warm breath tickling her ear, his voice low and vibrating against her skin, “Maybe Hana or Max can take Ellie duty for the night and Drake can join us.”

“Mmmm. I like the sound of that too.” She looked up at him with heat in her eyes, “See? I told you that you’re the best!”

“What’s going on over here?” Drake inquired as he dropped in the seat on the other side of her. He was winded.

“Ha! I told you she was fast!” Liam crowed triumphantly, “She wore you out too!”

“Yeah, yeah, fine, ok. I concede your point your majesty, now kindly fuck off while I lay here until I regain my dignity!”

“Ah, my poor marshmallow!” Riley teased as she leaned over and kissed his cheek.

Without warning, Ellie was in her lap, having launched herself from the across the room and gotten a running start before leaping onto her stomach.

“Oof!” Riley laughed as she wrapped her arms around her baby girl.

Suddenly Drake jumped off the couch, arms in the air screaming, “TOUCHDOWN!”

Half the room was up, jumping and yelling. A popcorn bowl went flying. Riley laughed as she hugged Ellie to her chest. She looked around the room and realized she couldn’t have asked for anything more.

She had her baby girl in her lap, Liam’s arm around her, the sound of Drakes voice rumbling in her ears, and all of her friends under the same roof. It was by far the best Thanksgiving she’d ever had. She smiled and sighed, “Happy Thanksgiving everyone!”

[lostinfantasyworlds]

HELLO MY FRIEND 🖤

FOR YOUR AMA:

What are your top 3 favorite parts about being in the Inuyasha fandom?

ILYYYY 💙✨

AHHH HI ILY @goshinote!! ❤️ 🖤❤️

GREAT QUESTION ASKDFJ;

Of course the amazing friendships I've made! I won’t get overly sappy on here, because YOU ALREADY KNOW (insert that crying hugging ‘I love you’ gif here) but obviously our friendship means the world to me!! And I’ve “met” and made friends with so many other beautiful, amazing people and we all share the same obsession with Inuyasha and it has just been so so so great and such a freaking lifesaver during a really dark time 🖤. I can never put into words what a great experience it’s been to get to know so many of you in the fandom! (and I’m always happy to make new friends, too!! sometimes I suck at initiating the first contact, but I love love love making new connections and getting to know more of you lovely people ❤️)

The endless amount of quality content being churned out by said wonderful people! Like...the amount of talent in this fandom is just off the charts, and we are all so lucky to be able to enjoy it on such a regular basis!! I’ve read so many beautiful stories, and have an endless list of fics to read that I’m sure will be incredible, and the art and everything else being constantly made just blows my mind with how great all of it is!! And we somehow get to enjoy it foR FREE!??! WHAT????

The sense of community. I had never written a full fanfic before this fandom. I NEVER thought I would publish fanfic, even if I decided to write one. But because of seeing how welcoming and sweet and encouraging this fandom is to new authors/creators, I finally gathered up the courage to start creating and it has been an immeasurable source of comfort for me. That, plus the fact that the fandom is so active in general and hosts all of these fun events to participate in, really make it feel like a comforting type of home that I have loved being a part of so much.

I actually feel really guilty a lot of the time because I’ve missed other AMAs/have so many fics I want to read and appreciate/etc etc etc but I get so overwhelmed with life/caught up in my own stuff sometimes, that I suck at responding and/or staying on top of fandom stuff😔. But just know that I appreciate all of you SO SO SO MUCH, and I am constantly astounded by the level of talent and creativity that this fandom has to offer ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN MY FRIEND!!! ILY!!! ❤️

[krreader]

BTS scenario → falling for you, their newest make-up artist.

pairing: bts x make-up artist!reader fandom: bts warnings: mentions of sex ; language genre: fluff ; smut ; hints of angst word count: 2.4k+

a/n: heeeey @yuu95line​, I really hope this is how you had imagined it to be and I hope you like it ♥

kim seokjin

The first thing that Jin noticed about you was how hardworking you were, desperately trying to prove to everyone that you were here for a reason and that you were serious about this. An attribute that he appreciated greatly.

However, there was also this other side to you that he loved even more. He loved how bubbly and cheerful you always were, even if they didn't have a good day, you always tried to keep the mood up and make everyone happy (again), something that he could relate with.

But it was also your kindness and that youthfulness that made him fall for you.

“What's that?” he asked with a chuckle as you had handed him a drink.

“They call this the 'volcano of flavors'. Honestly, I'm not 100% sure what's in it, but it looks freaking cool and so I thought of you and wanted to know what you think.”

“You value my opinion that much?”

“Are you kidding me? You're the only opinion I can trust when it comes to something to eat or drink. You're the master of that.”

He was flattered. More than that, he loved compliments such as this one. And he wasn't sure whether you were just really good at making someone feel good about themselves, or if you genuinely meant it. Whatever it was, he was just really glad that BigHit had decided to hire you.

Life would be extremely dull for him these days otherwise.

You waited to apply his base so he could try it first, beaming happily when he obviously liked it.

“Yes! Mission successful!”

My god.. he really found his soulmate, huh?

min yoongi

Sometimes the artists liked to pretend as if the make-up artists were invisible when they did their make-up.

They never hid what they were doing on their phones when you guys were around, because most knew not to say anything.

But you were new and you couldn't keep your mouth shut when you saw him play a mobile game and fail at it, again and again and again.

“Shit, you're bad at this,” you muttered, mostly to yourself.

But he heard.

Yoongi was so perplexed, looking at you from under his eyelashes through the mirror, “Excuse me?”

“I said you're bad at this. Wasn't tongue technology one of your verses in a song? Guess 'finger technology' isn't in your skill book.”

Yoongi wasn't used to this anymore. Someone talking like this, so straight forward and brutally honest, without holding back. He was used to being pampered and people lying to him to make him feel good, people treating him like he was special, so instead of taking offense to it, he actually decided to play this game with you.

“So you want to talk plainly, yes? Alright then,” he straightened his back, looking directly into your eyes when you applied some blush, “How about I show you my finger technology? There's a really quiet room next door we could go into. I’m sure I could convince you how good I actually am.”

“Oh yeah? Sure,” you shrugged, “I'll be nice to show you the ropes and how it’s done these days. My generation has a lot up their sleeves, you know?”

He loved this. Oh, he loved this more than he could say.

“I don't think you'll show me anything. It'll be the other way around. Experience comes with age, you know?”

“You'd wish,” you snorted.

That was probably the moment that Yoongi had found his favorite make-up artist ever. And... fell in love a little. It’s been too long since he’s had a relationship like this and he immediately never wanted to lose it.

“Where's Yoongi and (Y/N)? They should be done by now,” a make-up artist asked into the room at one point.

“Don’t know. They walked out fifteen minutes ago and haven’t come back. Maybe gone to eat something.”

“Hm, must be.”

Yeah.. must be.

jung hoseok

It was the annual BigHit party that every staff member and artist was invited to.

It was spread out over every floor, the party was in full motion, with people playing games on some floors and just talking on others.

And then there were those few on the rooftop, that including you and Hoseok as you were sitting on a bench next to each other, watching the stars with the music faintly being audible.

Suddenly, you could feel his hand on yours, you whispering, “Not here.”

“Why? Let them see.”

This wasn’t the first time the discussion had come up and you were sure it wouldn’t be the last.

However, your answer hadn’t changed since the last time you talked about this.

“And then what? They will make up rumors, how I only got to the point where I am because I'm sleeping with you.”

Hoseok sighed heavily and turned his body to really look at you, “Or maybe they will be happy for us. Have you ever considered that?”

“I can't. Not when there is so much on the line for me and so little for you,” you sighed just like he had, “I know you mean well, Hoseok, but right now, at this time, I can't risk my career, not even for you. You know how much you mean to me and I know how much I mean to you, it is not something I take lightly. So just.. leave it like it is for now. Because I don’t want to lose what we have. Career and relationship wise.”

He loved you. Not just a little, but very much.

And he wanted to tell the world just that.

But that was selfish, especially when what you had said was true. It would probably cost you your career, but it would cost him absolutely nothing but – at worst – a scolding.

If he really loved you as much as he thought and you said, then he'd accept that and do what you asked.

"I promise you, my love.. one day,” you smiled at him.

“I’ll hold you to that,” he smiled back.

kim namjoon

Out of all the members, Namjoon would have been the last person you had suspected to do this. Not that you had suspected any of them to pull a stunt like this, but him? The most responsible one out of all of them?

No way.

“I.. don't know what to say,” you were holding the strap of your bag tightly, staring at him with wide eyes as he was standing in front of you with a bouquet of flowers after just having come clean about his feelings for you.

Feelings, that he had developed over the last couple of months and the many deep and heartfelt conversations that you two have had. After he had opened up to you and you to him, he started to realize that this wasn't merely a friendship anymore. He wanted.. more.

“You don't have to say anything if you don't feel the same.”

“No, that's not what this is about. I just don't know.. how you think this is going to work out. I'm your make-up artist and probably not even that yet. I'm just someone who helps out when one of the others is busy. I'm a nobody that worked really hard for this position, even if it sucks sometimes. If we were to date and they'd find out.. I'd be fired immediately.”

Namjoon nodded, immediately understanding your concerns, placing the flowers on a table nearby and then approaching you slowly, gently taking your hands into his and looking at them, “I've spent the last few years hiding my relationships and my feelings for people. I've become quite good at it and so has everyone else in this company. It is.. one of the skills that you’ll have to develop once you start working in this industry,” he finally looked up into your eyes, “I wish it weren’t like that, but that’s the truth.”

“I’m scared, Namjoon.”

“You don’t have to decide right now. I just wanted to be honest with you about my feelings,” he hesitated for a second, but then he settled for a small kiss on your cheek, “Think on what I said. I will wait for you.”

He didn’t pressure you that night. He gave you the choice on what would happen next. And you couldn’t thank him more for that.

park jimin

This was extremely unprofessional in any situation, with you working for him and not just that, but having only started working for him four months ago. You were the rookie that still had to prove herself. And to top it all off, you were seriously doing this on concert day.

“Don't!” you stopped him when he wanted to kiss you, “I just applied your make-up, don't ruin it.”

Jimin chuckled darkly, “You'll need to re-apply it anyways,” he turned you around, pushing you against the stall in the bathroom, “I don’t intend to go slow.”

You wished you could resist him, but you simply couldn't.

This attraction between you two had started out the moment you walked into the room and introduced yourself as the new make-up artist and had only grown within the last few months.

Now, it had come to the point where you couldn't keep your hands off of each other anymore, not even on concert day.

And so here you were, having sex in a bathroom stall with Jimin for ten minutes, because he had to go up on stage soon and if you turned up any later, people would be angry at both of you.

“Where the hell were you two?!” one of the make-up artists asked, inspecting Jimin's make-up and being.. rather impressed.

“He needed some.. touch-ups. I finished it real quick, so that you wouldn’t have to.”

“Hm.. not bad, rookie. You were good.”

And as she walked away, Jimin whispered into your ear, “So fucking good, baby girl.”

And you got chills all over your body.

kim taehyung

You looked absolutely gorgeous.

That was the first thing that he noticed when you walked into the room, bowing to every single person in the room, because you were the youngest and wanted to be respectful.

Taehyung beamed happily when it was his time, “It's nice to see you.”

“It's nice to see you too. Did you have a good weekend?” you smiled as brightly as he did, taking off your sunglasses and brushing your hair out of your face to get ready for applying his base make-up, so that the older and more experienced artists could do wonders to his eyes.

“I did. Very relaxing.”

“Ah, that's good to hear that you actually didn't work for once,” you chuckled.

Taehyung watched you silently as you gathered everything that you needed, but that smile never faltered. He just let out a dreamy sigh, like a teenager that was in love.

Which was exactly the case, minus the teenager part. He had fallen hopelessly in love with you, or maybe just with the idea of you. He made up scenarios in his head of what the future might look like and even more of ways of telling you what he felt for you.

But as of right now, they were only imaginary scenarios. 

“Okay, here we go,” but even as you continued applying the base, he never looked anywhere other than your eyes, until you eventually asked, “Do I have something on my face? Is it.. mascara?”

“No, just.. I really like your eyes.”

“Oh..- well, uhm. Thank you,” you could feel your cheeks heat up and quickly turned around so he wouldn't see the effects his words had on you.

As the newest and youngest member, you had to prove yourself to everyone. That you weren't just here to get with one of them. Them letting you do Taehyung's make-up, the one that everyone yearned for, meant they trusted you a lot. You didn't want to break their trust.

However, you've noticed that this had become harder and harder in the last few weeks. He'd make you compliments, he'd stare at you and what you thought was simple niceness at first, had made you wonder nowadays, if maybe, he had something else in mind.

“You're welcome,” he smiled once again when you turned back around to look at him.

Maybe one day, when your position would be more secure, then he could figure out how to make this work. Until then, he’d just keep showering you with compliments to see your beautiful smile that brightened his day.

jeon jeongguk

Normally, Bangtan would get their make-up done at the BigHit building if they had a mere video conference, but one of the staff members had shown symptoms of the virus and now no one was allowed into the building for the next week, until everything and everyone was cleared.

But because Bangtan hadn’t been to BigHit in a while and they had a video conference scheduled today, some of the make-up artists had to go to their dorm to do their make-up there, you being one of them.

And as the youngest, you were assigned to do Jeongguk's make-up.

In his room.

Alone.

While the door was closed.

And he could feel how nervous you were.

“It's this room, isn't it?” he asked with a cocky smile, “Gives you flashbacks.”

“Don't,” you just continued applying his base with a slightly trembling hand.

“What furniture is it that makes you most nervous? The bed? The chair? The rug?”

“I said stop.”

Jeongguk let out a chuckle and leaned back when you walked over to his desk to grab something else, cocking his head to the side, his eyes on your butt.

“I bet it's the rug. It's still ripped by the way. And you haven't paid me back for it.”

“I tried giving you money, you didn't want it, what else do you want me to do?”

He was quiet for a moment and when you could feel his arms around you from behind and his mouth right next to your ear, he whispered, “I want you to stop lying to yourself and admit that you loved it as much as I did.”

You had started out as colleagues, then friends, then you blurted out that you liked him and the next thing you remembered was being in his bed. That had continued on for weeks, with you two not really dating, but not being nothing either. Until you had called it quits because you just couldn't focus on your work anymore whenever he was around.

Not that it was any easier now.. actually just harder. But you tried telling yourself that it was better this way.

“I still like you. A lot,” he whispered when you hadn't answered him, “And that won't suddenly go away. And I know you feel the same way.”

You turned around in his arms, his eyes had become a little sadder, hoping you'd say what he wanted you to say.

But just as you tried to, a knock on your door from one of the other make-up artists interrupted you, both of you jumping away from each other.

One day, you'd talk to him about this. But today was clearly not the day, even if he wished it were.

[thebookreader12345]

750 Followers Celebration - Q&A

Thank you so much for supporting me through this journey! You guys don't know how much this means to me. Every single one of you is amazing.

Below the cut are my answers to the questions that you all submitted.

Q: Do you think Jay is going to become Sergeant this season? A: There has been a lot of debate over this question because of the past few seasons and all of the "Easter eggs", like the sergeant exam poster hanging in the background of the show. In my opinion, I do not believe Jay will become Sergeant. Yet. I think it won't be until the beginning of next season because, if this is a possible storyline, I would expect that the producers and writers would make the finale of season 9 about Voight stepping down/getting promoted, etc.

Q: Did Chicago Justice deserve more episodes? A: I'm sort of split with this question. I loved the fact that there was a big episode involving Kevin, and they always included people from Med, Fire, and PD in some of the episodes. However, the whole plot of the episodes was kind of slow because it wasn't like they were police officers and could go out and chase suspects and arrest people and what not. Their job was just to gather the evidence and then present it in court. I think for many, the show fell flat because there wasn't much action, and part of me does agree with that, but the whole idea of the show itself was kind of cool.

Q: What would make you stop watching each Chicago show? A: This is a tough question because I've only ever dropped one show that I can think of, and it was only because the plotline got really dumb. Maybe if some major characters died in each show I'd stop watching it? But then again, I love the One Chicago universe so much that I don't think even that would stop me from watching. So yeah. I really don't know.

Q: Do you believe in magic? A: As much as I would love for magic to be real, I don't believe it is. But I feel like everyone thinks that way. Cause lets be honest, Harry Potter and Disney make magic look so cool. However, we all know deep down somewhere that it's almost impossible for certain things to be real, and magic just so happens to be one of them.

Q: Are you superstitious? A: I'm not the most superstitious person out there, but I do somewhat follow a few superstitions. Whenever I find a penny on the ground with heads facing up, I pick it up because I believe I'll get good luck. Doing the whole "fingers crossed" thing is something I do a lot. I believe you shouldn't open an umbrella in the house or else you'll receive bad luck. Broken mirrors are bad omens. Those are the top 4 I believe in, but other than that, I'm not really too superstitious.

Q: Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? A: I mean, I would hope so. I appreciate my level of smarts, and whenever my friends acknowledge them or compliment me on them it makes my day. However, with that, people think that I'm always only doing things to boost my intelligence. For example, I love to read. So whenever I say that I didn't do much over the weekend, people always assume that I read a bunch, when I really didn't. Or that I always study for tests or do homework like a week before it's do. That is not the case. But for the most part, I believe my perception of myself is the same as how other people perceive me.

Q: Who is your favorite couple on each One Chicago show? A: Okay, so for Med, there aren't really any couples at the moment besides Maggie and Ben, whom I love but they aren't my favorite, so I'm gonna pick a past couple. When I first started Med, Manstead was my prime ship, so I'll choose them. Will had been pining after Natalie for so long so I was glad when they finally got together. For Fire, it's gotta be Kelly and Stella. They were literally made for each other, and they support each other with everything. Also, they are so cute together and all of Firehouse 51 ships them as well! And for PD, while I do love Burzek, Upstead is my favorite ship at the moment. I've seen the connection between Hailey and Jay since season 5. You don't understand how angry I was in season 7 when Hailey was so close to confessing her feelings. So season 8 made me very happy when Jay and Hailey finally got together.

Q: Jay and Lindsey or Jay and Hailey? A: I respect everyone's opinions on this matter, so hopefully you all respect mine. I thought that Erin was almost toxic in a way for Jay. She continuously broke his heart when all he wanted to do was help him. But what really does it for me is that she left Chicago without telling him goodbye. Hailey, on the other hand, has pushed Jay to seek out help when he needed it, like when she recommended he take seeing a therapist seriously to help with his PTSD, and she is always there for him, no matter what. That's why I believe Hailey and Jay are the better pairing.

Q: Which character death got to you the most? A: There have been too many sad deaths in the One Chicago world. But if I had to pick one, I've gotta go with Otis on Chicago Fire. Otis was always one of my favorite characters, even way back when I watched Fire with my dad when it was first coming out. He was witty and funny, and his friendship with Cruz was everything. So, when I watched the episode where he died, I was full on balling. I had to pause the episode for 10 minutes because I couldn't stop.

Q: Who is your favorite character on each show and why? A: I'm gonna do favorite male and female character because I've got too many favorites from each show. On Med, my favorites are Will and Natalie. Will has been my favorite since day one, and I like that he will go out of his way to help patients, even if it means he could get in serious trouble. Natalie, even though she's not in the show, always pushes for the best of care for her patients, and whenever she dealt with kids it was always the sweetest thing. On Fire, I like Kelly and Sylvie. Kelly is so headstrong and driven, and he will do anything to protect the other members of Squad 3. Sylvie is such a hard worker and you can tell she is passionate about her job. I feel so bad that she's had to go through so many partners. On PD I love Jay and Hailey. Jay has not always been my favorite male character. Back when I watched the show for the first time, I adored Adam. However, I love that Jay has such good morals and is always pushing to do the right thing even when Voight disagreed. Now, it took a few episodes for me to warm up to Hailey, but after seeing her be so badass, it was hard not to like her.

Q: Where do you get inspiration for your stories?/How do you get inspiration when there's not a request? A: This question is always hard to answer because I really don't know. Most of the time I'm fulfilling requests sent in by you guys and I just write what comes to the top of my mind. If there are requests that are not requested and I come up with them on my own, chances are I saw the plot somewhere else, like in a book or show or movie, and I just tweaked it a bit to fit the One Chicago universe. Either that happens, or while I'm trying to fall asleep, I make up random scenarios in my head, and if I find one that I really like, I'll make a note of it on my phone so I don't forget it, and then I'll write about it.

Q: Do you think Brett and Casey are endgame? Why or why not? A: I'm gonna go with yes on this one. Now, Brettsey is not one of my top ships in the universe. However, they are cute together, and I've been expecting them to get together for a while. The two of them, even when Gabby was around, had a great relationship and always cared for each other. Plus, Matt jumped out of a firetruck to go help Sylvie when the ambulance flipped. He was willing to risk an injury just to make sure she was okay. And now that they are officially together in Chicago Fire, you can see that they really love and care for each other.

Q: What inspired you to start writing? A: I always seem to get this question whenever I do a q&a, but that's okay because I don't mind talking about it. I first got into stuff like this as a reader. Basically, I went on to Wattpad and Tumblr to read other people's stories. I had no intention of creating my own. And then, one day, I started imagining myself in some of the fandoms I was apart of, and I thought, "If I'm imagining myself in these fandoms, chances are others are too," and I began creating stories that followed the plots of movies and shows exactly, just adding Y/n in it. However, that got tiring after a while because I wasn't able to have much freedom because I was following a set script, and that's when I remembered I had a Tumblr account I never used. So, I revamped my account just a little bit and started posting story ideas I had that I couldn't post on Wattpad because either they didn't fit with the stories or they were for someone I didn't write for on Wattpad. And now, here we are. For anyone interested, I've posted this before but I'll post it again, my Wattpad handle is @Writer_Reader05.

Q: Jay or Will Halstead? A: I'm sorry, but I really can't choose between the two of them. I love them both so much. Will and Jay are two of my favorite characters in the whole One Chicago universe. While they do have some qualities that I'm not the fondest of, at the end of the day, I adore the both of them, and I could never choose between them.

Q: Who would you rather date: Jay or Will Halstead? A: Why do you guys do this to me? I love them both so much! But, if I have to choose, I'm gonna pick Jay. The only reason is because I like the characters in PD more than Med, so if I'm dating Jay, chances are I'm friends with Hailey and Adam and all of Intelligence. Will is just as awesome as Jay though and I feel like sometimes people sleep on that.

Q: Which of the requested fics you’ve written is your favorite? A: I think I'm gonna have to go with a Jay Halstead x reader I wrote titled Two Becomes Three. Something about the plot just makes me smile. And to think of Jay being a father......So yeah, while I have so many amazing requested fics thanks to you all, that one has to be one of my favorites.

Q: What’s your favorite series you’ve written so far? A: I love all of the series I have written. Something about creating a whole story that's more than just one part is always fun. If I have to pick one series, I'm gonna pick On the Loose. It was the first series I wrote on Tumblr and the plot of it is something I'm really proud of. However, From the Big Apple to the Windy City, Identity Loss, and Difference of Opinion are all amazing! The first two are finished series and the last one still has a few chapters left to go. Go check them out if you haven't already.

Q: What's your favorite imagine you've come up with and why? A: I don't have a lot of fics that are solely my ideas. Most of my stories have plots that were sent in by you all. However, if I had to pick a favorite out of my stories, it'd be Back Home for Christmas, a Halstead Sister fic I released when I was somewhat new to the platform. Something about writing sibling fics always makes me happy because I get to express the familial side to the characters.

Q: If you had to be roommates with 5 of your mutuals/fellow writers, who would you pick and why? A: I love all of my fellow writers/mutuals so much! I know how much work we put into whatever we post, and most of us are very active on this site. As for who I would pick to be my roommates, I'd choose @hereforhalstead @fighterkimburgess @halsteadlover @resanoona @sylviebrettsey because I feel like we'd all have great conversations, mainly over One Chicago. And every Wednesday night we'd all watch the episodes live together and experience them as a group and then freak out over what happened..........Now watch me fantasize about this all day.

Q: Do you listen to music when you write? A: It depends. On some days when I plan that I'm gonna write, then yes, I do put on some music. When there are days that I have a few minutes to spare, I don't put on music just because I'm only writing for a few minutes and I don't want to waste time. But mostly when I'm writing I do play music in the background.

Q: Do you know how your fics/stories end before you finish writing it? A: This is a really interesting question. The answer is no, I do not know how I'm gonna end a fic before I finish writing it. The only story I had a set ending for was my series On the Loose, but that one wasn't even fully planned out until I got a chapter or two in. Obviously, if I get a request that includes a set ending, like two characters get together or something like that, then I know what the ending will be. Otherwise, I have no clue.

Q: Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? A: You know, I can't say that I have. Everyone is different in their own way, and that's what makes us all unique. I would imagine if I did meet someone with a similar personality we'd get along because we'd basically be a carbon copy of each other, but who knows. Maybe our similar personalities would cause us to clash.

Q: Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? A: Not really. I know myself more than anyone else so I know what my limits are and when I've reached them. With people, on the other hand, I always feel like they can be doing more with themselves and their lives. So I do not hold myself to higher standards than others.

Thank you to all of you who sent in questions! I never thought I'd reach 750 followers on this platform. The only reason I have is all thanks to you wonderful people out there!

@winterberryfox @maximeevansblog @scarletsoldierrr @i-like-sparkly-things @dreamingmanip @soph0864 @ryliegh8 @lorenakaspersen @wanniiieeee @nevertoofarfromivar @securityfriendly-jay @pinkbay-love @stephie123

[savnofilter]

FLF Day 6

𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨 𝐱 『𝐆𝐍』𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

↬ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ(s): Merinthophobia — The fear of being tied up or bound. mentions of ptsd and counseling.

↬ ʀᴍ: february love fest

↬ ᴀ/ɴ: ahhhh i was really conflicted on writing this one! maybe spoilers if you are super behind in the fandom/series for it be considered spoilers lmao. decided to just to go with hcs since i will be posting dabi & hawks fics! this is more bakugo centered but i tried my best dnvjkfnjv- as always, if there is anything that needs to be fixed, let. me. know. ASAP!! thank you for reading. ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙

we all know the sludge villain attack right? well ive got sumthin for you.

may or may not have seen this around but i hc heavy that bakugo just does not like anything near his neck or anything that could restrict his neck area.

~ complementary bakugo pics to demonstrate what i mean? say less.

(and i think that him with a loose neck cover on his winter suit and a scarf are just general but him wearing a tie after the spoets festival is symbolism hmm)

now you may be thinking, “but he wears a tie like once or twice” shhhh we finna keep the hc rollin.

how this intertwines with you is that you had coincidentally had the same phobia and you two met because you both had interned at Best Jeanist’s agency.

like every Bakugo relationship, it took you some time to get in his good zone.

oftentimes with your friendship (at least what you liked to call it) you initiated the conversations, and on the off occasion he would start something too.

Best Jeanist being the mentor he is, had counseling or something to that degree so you two would be at the best shape you guys could be.

most times there was nothing for you to talk about and sometimes it would just be about school and stress overall. in sessions he didnt talk much but in the back of his head, he still appreciated it even without saying it outloud.

before you guys had separate ways was when you had opened up about your phobia, and surprisingly it was like it made sense to him. hearing you wearily speak about how a spar match had stressed you out felt so familiar to him.

Bakugo had been sitting on his realization as it took long late nights to actually process and access his emotions and gather his thoughts.

when it's a day of the week for him to be at his agency, he has fully prepared himself to open up about his own weakness and sort out his feelings.

when the pro-hero suddenly goes missing and you two cant intern with him anymore, so many mixed emotions enter within him.

when you two go on your separate ways to go to other internships was so frustrating to him. the only person he had ever been able to actually help acknowledge with couldnt even see him anymore.

just like he always did, he kept it to himself anyways. Deku (derogatory) or Kirishima would ask him to see whats up and he would never budge. 

the few weeks where he goes to Endeavor’s is fine but it was nothing like his experience before.

randomly when hes getting ready for bed, he gets a text message from you. 

for the first time in forever hes surprised, startled almost. 

how in the hell did you even get his number-?

that question didnt linger as he was just happy that you guys were talking again.

your conversations were casual and it surprised you on how he was able to keep up a decent conversation versus how curt and uninterested he used to talk.

Bakugo contemplates heavy on whether or not he should to talk about what he wanted to share before you guys parted ways.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You already did”

“Shut up I’m being serious.” Bakugo rolls his eyes at your sarcasm, texting you back. 

Your brows raise at that, shooting him a message back as well. 

“Sure”

talking about it wasnt easy for him. you waited patiently till he was done, responding accordingly to the texts that seemed appropriate enough for a response.

you share that youve taken up counseling outside of the agency you intern at and invite him to it. he tries to seem like he thinks the idea is cheesy but he agrees to come with you anyways. 

for some reason hes nervous but  chill with the fact that youd be there as well. you encourage him to take it slow at first, reminding him that he doesnt have to go to every session feel be about the phobia and healing past experiences takes time.

ultimately, his mood changes and even the people around him notice as well.

Bakugo stays the same as he usually is (duh) but the slight changes as what makes him feel lighter on some days.

because you supported him about getting help, he doesnt feel alone. 

it's such a new feeling to him he doesnt even know how to process his emotions. 

without having to admit it, hes glad that you were here to help and relate to him.

and with every step he takes, he feels more confident with you beside him.

[my-mt-heart]

Hi, there. Your review of 'Find Me' was enlightening in the best way. When I watched it for myself (not looking forward to it) I judged you to be right. This episode was cathartic for me. Can you believe after your review and watching the episode, that shroud lifted from me? I had no notion an episode can cause and remove that much anxiety within me. I can truly say I enjoyed the episode. I wanted to know if you would be interested in my review of the episode? I just feel like you work double time for the Caryl fandom and I would like to write something that reflects my appreciation of your insight. Though not as good as yours, and I will not hit on everything as I cannot catch everything, I hope my review adds positivity to your heart the way yours has done for many here.

Okay, here is my review of 'Find Me' @my-mt-heart

1. Daryl prefers whole milk (Carol) but used condensed milk (Leah) for a time. He understands that you cannot substitute whole milk with condensed milk. Sure, it is good for putting in a few recipes, but for regular consumption? Whole milk. Condensed milk is reportedly reduced milk with too much sugar (not healthy). Why is Leah unhealthy for Daryl? More on that later.

2. This episode taught me (and I hope it reminded us all) that spoilers do not translate well onto our emotional state. Whe the spoilers came out, I was among many who felt cheated out of my investment. From now on, I will look at spoilers from the POV that serves my beliefs about the narrative in general. The fact of the matter is, I did not only NOT hate this episode, I actually rather enjoyed it. Why? Let's explore...

3. To me, this episode does not change who I thought Daryl to be. Rather, it showed me how I held onto an idea I had of him that made me dismiss Daryl's emotional, and mental and spiritual intelligence and maturity. In other words? I thought he was sort of like a child that needed to be told and taught what he wanted. Daryl knows what he wants. I just dismissed it because he is reserved, reticent. I mistook it for obliviousness. And what this episode showed me was that Daryl does not truly want Leah. He was a filling a large void.

4. Daryl's core character trait of being the one trying to fix everything is indirectly revealed to be the reason he was 'with' Leah and temporarily 'chose' her in writing that note. Daryl's self worth is tied to his own perceived notion that he HELPS someone SUCCESSFULLY. Carol calls him out on this and I for one was like, 'You tell him, girl!' Daryl is a bona fide good man and he needs to let that old notion of his worth -that only he holds himself to- go. Leah said 'Always playing the hero' meaning she sees this about him, but does not challenge it. Carol does. And I said 'Finally!' Anyway, from the beginning of him meeting her to his recount of his relationship with her was that he thought he could "help her". Whatever romantic implications their relationship/friendship had was not greater than Daryl's own reason for engaging with her. As you rightly stated Daryl is a very layered character.

5. Remember my condensed milk metaphor? Okay, I made a statement that said regular consumption of that stuff is unhealthy. Leah is unhealthy for Daryl (from what I gather) for the following reasons: (1) bonding out of loneliness and grief. Guys and girls, forming relationships/alliances is all well and dandy. But for the right reasons. Loneliness and grief (while part of daily human life) are meant to be overcome and moved on from. Would you want the foundation of your bond with someone to be based on, for example, you both having resentment for another person? NO. Hatred is not the ideal norm for a relationship; love is. It is universally accepted that loneliness and grief are not the mental/spiritual/emotional homeostasis in people. Belonging and peace ARE. Which CAROL wants him to find, whereas Leah wants to keep the hurt alive in him because that is where they connect. (2) That blasted note further substaintes my stance on Daryl's character and reason for his involvement with Leah. The note says "We belong together. Find Me." I did not witness the desperate actions of a man in the throes of love writing that note (nice handwriting btw, Daryl), after supposedly realizing his feelings for Leah. Nope, nuh-uh. Pfft. This goes back to a nuance in Daryl's character which Carol way back when dubbed as 'his code'. Daryl used the term later when explaining to Rick that The Claimers had 'a code'. Daryl wants to BELONG where he can help someone. Leah made him that offer. It has nothing to do with implied or overt romantic feelings. I actually find the note to have an aromantic tone to it. Remember he would have chosen to go with Michonne to help her. Connie with finding her sister? This is just who Daryl is and I need to stop forgetting that point. New characters can dust off parts of an old character that have been shelved over the seasons. Leah reminded me a LOT about Daryl's functionality. (3) I, as a viewer, have to do a better job of taking Daryl at his word, which had been long established as sure. Daryl basically swabs over the issue of Leah with Carol by saying 'it was a long time ago' and he 'THOUGHT' he could help her. 'Thought', not 'think'. Past-tense. He recognizes and accepts Leah was in the past. And part of his past. This is to be taken for what it is. He is not conflicted about this matter. He is not confused. No, I do not make decisions about the show and I also do not write which ways the scenes will go. But I want to do better at supporting my own long-standing beliefs about this show and my two favorite characters (Guess who? :P). My emotional state about spoilers can lead me astray but what I know through the 'tried-and-true' experience that comes from sticking with anything, always leads me back to what I believe: Caryl is Endgame. (4) Now perhaps I missed it, but the Daryl/Leah relationship from a romantic standpoint is mainly contributed by Leah's point of view, not Daryl's. I never see him hold her, touch her, comfort her, tell her something becoming of a lover in a romantic relationship. Kiss her. Nothing. Now this may or may not be further extrapolated in season 11. But what I see to be the meat and potatoes of their relationship is all revealed in this episode. When they look at one another, they recognize the kindred grievances in the other. You can NOT sustain a relationship longterm with that. AK to my knowledge never heavily hinted at strong romantic feelings they had when they look at each other. It is a grief and loneliness-based relationship. Carol and Ezekiel had the same, based on having to put on a mask to hide their insecurities/self-doubt for the people that rely on them. This is also unhealthy. With them, also, I did not feel Carol's sense of belonging and being in love with Ezekiel. I did not see Daryl in love with Leah. To me, Daryl's character remains 100% in tact and undamaged. *phew*

6. Next point is Carol. And Leah. Both women who care about Daryl, but there is something exquisitely different about the way they approach a struggling Daryl. Leah confronts him about his inability to not commit 100% and it sounds confrontational. Carol longs for him to find peace and she makes her request to him with the tone that says "it's okay to let go". Carol wants Daryl to be 100% in control of how he lives his life, not bound to what he feels his obligations are to Rick or anyone else. Leah also wants Daryl to choose but it still feels like she is trapping him....but Carol wants Daryl to be free. In the different shots of them, Leah is close and Carol is farther away. Carol often looks like an ethereal figure offering wisdom in Daryl's time of need. There is a longing in Carol's features that cannot be ignored and there is a frustration in Leah's that is obvious. What Daryl really want seems so out of reach (Carol, marked by the physical distance between them) and what he has is so close (Leah).

7. Daryl does not choose Leah. After her plea to Daryl about making up his mind, trying to steer him to her with the way she worded her argument, Daryl still says "uh, yeah, so three days? Got stuff to do." He STILL needed to see Carol. And to search for Rick. Boom, he made his choice and Leah saw that. That could be one of the reasons she left. *clears throat* women known when a man is not fully committed to them or a relationship. Leah definitely took the hint. When Daryl said 'I walked away', he is saying his choice was not to be with Leah or not to just be with Leah. It's the little things.

8. The argument. There is no need to feel threatened by the Connie remark. This scene is not about that character. This is about Carol beginning a character transformation. In order for her to do that, she needs to be called out by the one person she listens to: her best friend, Daryl. And where they placed their argument is everything. At the place Daryl had his relationship, and at the end of the episode. Means that Carol and Daryl's relationship underneath is a romantic one. There would be no need to create Leah for Daryl to tell Carol about otherwise. No need for Carol and Leah parallel scenes.

9. Daryl sounded salty when he said "you askin' my permission? Cause you don't need my permission to move on with your life." The contingency of Daryl being with Leah rested with Carol. And because Carol thinks the absolute highest of Daryl, she would never think she is worthy of him. She wants to support him the way he supported her. Daryl sounds miffed because he is. It feels like she is saying he does not belong with her anymore. So he rebounds to Leah. The fact is: Daryl needs Carol's permission. When he said "I'm glad you found your peace". He is asserting something Carol never said. He said that because he was hurt at not being part of Carol's peace, seemingly. Notice the issue in communication with them. He is afraid of what he thinks Carol thinks, so he is short with her "tell me why you're really here?" and fills in sentences with his own mind's perception of how Carol sees him: like she doesn't want him as much as Ezekiel in whatever capacity that is. When he said "you won't lose me" he will always remain loyal to Carol, even if he feels hurt.

10. "It's getting dark, I'm going to fix the door" is a total sneak-peek of what Carol is going to do to fix her relationship with Daryl before it is too late. They will be somewhere different in their friendship if Carol fixes it. Which they will. Because Carol will do anything for Daryl, even fix herself. ^_^

Yeah, hope you enjoyed my review!

I never expect my reviews or anything I say for that matter to influence anyone, so I’m glad you found this one motivating enough to not only watch the episode, but make a wonderful analysis of it on your own. I agree with everything you’ve laid out wholeheartedly. Condensed milk is a great analogy for the underlying toxicity in Daryl’s and Leah’s relationship. Even though I hate that damn note with a passion, mainly because of the perceived decisiveness, it still comes across loud and clear that Daryl chooses Carol. 

[anakinthetrashking]

BnHA One-Shot Fic Recs (pt1)

Making some fic-rec posts has been on my to-do list for a while and I’m finally doing it, yay! Currently I have 6 word doc pages full of just BnHA recs. So I’m splitting them up by length and completion, so first up is (part one of) one-shots! Let’s go!!!

Lets start with some classic Izuku and DadMight!

Pictures, Posters and Tender Beauty by ProPinkist (tumblr: @dazais-guardian-angel ) Rating: G    Category: Gen   ~4,400 words Summary: Izuku has virtually every All Might-themed item out there, and prides himself on all of it, as Toshinori is well aware. However, somehow, the boy still decided that there was something vital missing. This is fluffy and very cute. No one truly appreciates All Might as much as Izuku does, but 1A comes close. All Might deserves all the love, and this fic truly provides!!!

Dear Mr. All Might by QuizzicalCrow (tumblr: @quizzicalcrow​ ) Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~5,000 words Summary: As the #1 hero for decades, All Might has collected a lot of fan mail over the years. Toshinori tracks down a series of letters that only now, years later, does he appreciate for their significance.  I always love the thought of All Might looking through his fan mail, even if he can’t get to all of it. This was a wonderful glimpse into that AND it was made to be so, so personal and sweet. Go have some heart-healing fluff.

Growing Pains by LordofLies (tumblr: @theangelofchildren ) Rating: G   Category: Gen    ~5,900 words Summary: Izuku finds himself changed by his encounter with the Hero Killer, but changes of a more physical kind are in store for him as he begins to truly accept One for All as his own. Once, he would have been thrilled to look more like All Might, but now those connections are as much a source of anxiety as they are of pride.Or, Izuku wakes up one morning and sees the world through different eyes. Izuku having anxiety and Toshi being there to help him through it and calm him down? Sign me UP. Its also a pretty cool take on how One for All is able to change things about it’s holder. Could this happen in cannon? Who knows.... Regardless, it was a great read!

I’ll Carry You Home by Renesvetta Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~2,700 words Summary: While training with All Might, it wasn’t uncommon for Izuku to be so exhausted at the end of the day that he unwittingly fell asleep without regard for where he was. It consequently became part of All Might’s routine to help his young protégé home. During that time, Izuku may have let loose more than one sleepy confession towards his mentor.  Yes, it is as adorable as it sounds. Its tagged with “self indulgent Dad Might fluff” which is both accurate and appreciated. In other words: Superb you funky little writer!

Simple Gifts by QuizzicalCrow Rating: G    Category: Gen   ~6,700 words Summary: One year ago, Izuku received the greatest gift he could ever imagine. Now he’s determined to return the favor for the one responsible for it all with a gift of his own.  First off, I love the idea of Izuku and Toshi quietly celebrating the anniversary of passing on OfA from All Might to Izuku. Even just taking the day to hang out with each other. It’s a really precious idea. But there’s not just fluff! Izuku finds himself in a fight, again. (cool villain quirk, too!) I love all of the small details that are in this fic (and in Crow’s other works, too!) anyway its exciting AND very heartwarming, so go read it!!!

Affectionate by Sevi007 (tumblr: @sevi007 ) Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~2,600 words Summary: Toshinori starts to show affection very easily around his students. The  reactions he gets for that are not quite the ones he had anticipated - well, not all of them, at least.  Toshi is LOVED, APPRECIATED, and 1A feels like HOME. how many times can i say “cute” and “heartwarming” on this post?? bc these are some amazing writers, whom I adore, and their writing makes my heart WARM. AND. FUZZY. i mean, even just the first few paragraphs of this one just, really sets the scene of what i like to believe the 1A dorm is (on a good day, lol). its a really nice read, so go treat yo’ self by reading it.

paint me in trust by dinomight Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~6,400 words Summary: The first mark Izuku gets is a slight brush of green across his temple. It’s the soft touch of a mother holding her son for the first time. Inko has one to match, the same shade of green staining the tips of her fingers. Hers is more noticeable; Izuku’s tends to blend into his hairline. He loves it anyways. He has to. It’s the only soulmate mark he has. (Or: how Izuku goes from just green to a rainbow, UA-style.)  Ok, so this fic sort of plays off the idea of soulmates, and does not fit in with soulmates in the usual form of the trope. First off its completely platonic. Its categorized as Gen and sticks to that. Also it doesn’t seem to be as obligatory and permanent as you would think it would be. It seems to be more of the universe telling you who has the possibility of being important in your life. I really really loved this, it was so adorable and gives you that sweet, sweet Izuku angst, before healing your heart with the power of friendship and found family!!!

The Die Has Been Cast by ChiwiTheKiwi (tumblr: @chiwithekiwi​ ) Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~5,400 words Summary: “There’s something about that kid you aren’t telling me, isn’t there?”When no answer meets him, Shouta tries again.“You know something about Midoriya’s quirk that you haven’t shared with me. Is that right?”(Or: A canon "What If" surrounding the latest manga events and focusing on Aizawa finally making a connection.) First off, this fic has spoilers for the manga, so dont read unless you’re past chp212! I loooooooove OfA reveal fics, especially when it’s Aizawa that finds out. He deserves to know!!! its kind of important!!!! This fic chooses a great moment to work off of, and does a great job with Aizawa’s character. I really enjoyed it and couldn’t keep myself from going back and reading it just now LOL

These last two are actually two-shots, but it makes it an even 10! also Izuku and dadmight, so we can continue the theme here...

Some Unspoken Thing by LittleKy Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~7,900 words (2chps) Green, Toshinori has always thought, is the color of life anew.(Or: It's time for Yagi Toshinori to finally accept that he has a son, now, in all but blood. It's time for Midoriya Hisashi to accept that as well.) YES ALL MIGHT! ADMIT THAT IZUKU IS YOUR SON! great portrayal of the characters and really hits the nail on the head for DadMight. and Izuku in this story is just the smallest green floof that you wish to give a hug. NEVER MIND ALL MIGHT, YOU TOOK TOO LONG SO IZUKU IS MY SON NOW AND IM NOT GIVING HIM BACK ( no but seriously i want to hug this fic its so cute TTuTT )

LAST BUT NOT LEAST! I See You by BirdAntlers (tumblr: @aarymk )

Rating: G   Category: Gen   ~15,400 words (2chps) Midoriya Izuku is a quirkless child, blind from birth. Yagi Toshinori is the most powerful man in the world, loved by millions. They could not be more different, and yet their loneliness is the same.   (From a pair of AU posts on Tumblr that got way out of hand; I wanted to put it here because it turned into more of a fic than a "what-if." Basically a vessel for me to vomit as much Dadmight as I can.) Hey, you! Yeah! You! Do you want to cry? Do you want to start sobbing in a public space?? Do you just want to be destroyed with words and be left there kneeling at the feet of a writer who has torn out your heart and stomped on it before they gently wipe the tears from your face? Yeah?? y oU Wan NA D IE??? READ THIS AND GET REKT.  you’ll thank me later

(under the cut is just me rambling, i kept all the important stuff up here, ur welcome)

Now that the actual recs are over I can rant here- look i really tried to slim my recs down, but i have almost 300 bnha fics bookmarked,some of them are “to read” or theyre in progress, etc but i managed to get this list sorta slimmed down? a little?(to only 58!!!) but as i was gathering this post together it felt like i dont have very many Dadmight recs on that list??? but i havent rechecked all the other fics i was just going through the oneshots. i... kinda read a lot more fics with AIzawa in it instead. it be that way. DadMight content is SO GOOD. but my fav is aizawa im sorryyyyy anyway i have another SEVENteeN oneshots to put in rec posts and that does NOT include the mulitchapter and friikin series and stuff... and like i said this is aaaaaaallllllllllllllll BnHA. batfam fic posts will come after, and then star wars, and then maybe star trek? we’ll see. i have a very specific taste in ST fics and that is Tarsus IV whump. which. i have not read in a while. when they say “that trope came from ST” for sooooooo many tropes, you WISH other fandoms had tarsus as a trope, holy crap it is TOP TIER angst fodder. if you love to write/read whump, angst, and h/c i would HIGHLY recommend that you take a bit of time and explore the content and stories there. heck maybe i will make a ficrec post for just tarsus angst. ok.

my INTENTION is to edit these posts later with little links to the other fic rec lists so that itll be easier to find. but., its me, so itll either happen in painful detail or not at all

asdjkdgh its 2:30am and i need to sleep and not be rambling incoherently again I WILL SAVE THIS AS A DRAFT. 

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Vickie Moseley

Vickie Moseley has 252 stories at Gossamer, some of which have also made their way to AO3. She has obviously contributed a ton to the fandom over the years! I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Giving Thanks, Stunned, and a bunch of post-eps for particular episodes, including “Firewalker” and “Pine Bluff Variant.” Big thanks to Vickie for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Not really. Well, actually, it has always surprised me that anyone would read my stories even during the heyday of the series, but that’s my self-consciousness talking. That people are discovering The X-Files is not at all surprising and that they are stumbling on fan fic is a natural extension and I find that wonderful. My husband and I never watched Grimm when it was on network TV and we’re currently going through that series, so it’s the streaming-on-demand-there-isn’t-anything-new-on-TV times we find ourselves.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

Friendships. I have a group of women that I’ve been friends with for over 20 years. Until this year we gathered in person every year. We are in contact on Facebook messenger all the time and a conversation will start up just out of thin air when we haven’t conversed for months! It’s been wonderful knowing these women from all parts of the country (and the world for that matter).

And strangely enough, medical research. My writing tended to focus on ‘injured Mulder’ (or Mulder Torture as we termed it) and I also liked reading that in fan fic. Two years ago this managed to help me in real life. My husband experienced a bilateral pneumothorax (both lungs collapsed spontaneously). One of my favorite stories that I have read and reread is “Short of Breath” by the incomparable dee_ayy. She did some serious research while writing that story and it’s all in that fan fiction. I’m not saying it’s the same as a medical degree, but I knew what was happening, why the doctors where performing certain procedures and it really eased my mind as we went through the whole experience. I never would have known what was going on if I hadn’t read that story so many times.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Email was the ‘social media’ for the day. That, and newsfeeds. There were two newsfeeds in the beginning: the official FOX website had a message board, and there was one on ‘alt.tv’ which was an internet newsfeed where fans posted spoilers and discussed episodes. The alt.tv newsfeed got tired of the fan fic writers posting stories so a separate newsfeed was formed just for fan fic. EMXC, which was an AOL mailing list, was invite only and somewhat exclusive at first, but opened up to everyone. When the old OSU (Ohio State University) mailing list turned into Gossamer and Ephemeral, the fandom, and fan fic just skyrocketed.

But what you lived for the most, as a writer, was actual feedback. Emails from people all over who read your story. It was nice to get a quick ‘Hey, read this and really like it!’ but the wonderful emails, the ones you kept in folders on your inbox, were the ones that went into detail, sometimes critical, sometimes grammar related, but always showing where you could improve, or where you touched someone. Every friend I have from the fandom started as feedback, either to me or from me. I’m on AO3 and I appreciate ‘kudos’ but I really love getting comments.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Confidence in my writing. I learned a lot from other writers. Constructive feedback was a gift! I may never write the great American novel but I don’t think I’m afraid to give it a shot after all my years in fan fic.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

They had me at ‘aliens’. I’m a sucker for UFO shows. Was front row center at Close Encounters of the Third Kind, read many of the UFO standards, still watch Ancient Aliens on History Channel. I was waiting for The X-Files based on the tiny blurb in the 1993 Fall Preview Guide from TV Guide.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I kinda got fired from a job I loved and couldn’t go back into that arena for a long time. I was so depressed I was cleaning out my kitchen cabinets. My husband ‘gave’ me the internet for my birthday just to get me out of the dumps. I went straight to ‘yahoo’ and typed in X Files. After reading all the character bios I saw a ‘hyperlink’ (yes, that’s what we called them in 1995) to something called ‘fan fiction’. It was the OSU tree directory of about 100 fan fiction stories. I was instantly hooked.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I still love the show and all the fans I run across. I was not happy with S8 or S9 but I did watch The Truth. I was on Haven for a while during the reboots (S10 and S11) but it wasn’t the same. I’ve got all the seasons on DVD or blu ray and both movies. When I hear from fans, I’m so happy to connect but I don’t go out and look for new stories anymore.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

None. My heart belongs to Mulder ;)

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Captain Kirk, Spock, Captain Picard, Will Riker, Luke, Han, Leia, Poe, Rae, Kylo at the end. I like strong characters but it’s OK if they have flaws. I’d like to see more strong female leads in science fiction (Gammora and Nebula are favs of mine, too). I love Brea Larson’s portrayal of Captain Marvel!  

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Sure. When the Pandemic hit we started going through the series for maybe the 20th time. It’s nice to watch them on a larger TV screen. Kim Manners was a genius with lighting and showing just enough of the ‘monster’. I suspect he will be better appreciated in the future than he was at the time he was alive.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I still go back and read my favorites from XF. I read Blood Ties by Dawn about once a year, the whole series. I go back and read the Virtual Season X seasons. We had some really good stories in those years.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Too many to list! Dawn, of course. Susan Proto (I co-wrote with her), Sally Bahnsen, dee_ayy, Suzanne Bickerstaff’s Magician Series was the first (and only) fantasy I ever truly liked! I loved all my co-writers and there are plenty of writers that I wish we’d gotten around to collaborating.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I’m proud of Out of the Cold because it’s Mulder before Scully. I’m partial to the Flight Into Egypt series because I like ‘righting’ what I thought Carter got wrong in the end.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I keep trying! I’m working (have been working for almost a decade now) on a Flight Into Egypt story set at Christmas. Each fall I drag it out of mothballs, write a paragraph or two and get busy doing Christmas stuff. Funny, but it was easier to find time to write when I was a working mom of 6 than as a retired grandma of 3.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I’m putting together a cookbook for my kids and grandkids of all our family recipes. It’s not just the recipes, but the stories behind them. It’s a WIP (work in progress).

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I had a book, just a cheap paperback of unexplained events—all true stories, supposedly—that I got a lot of ideas from. Or, like Carter, I would see something in the news and it would turn into a story. One time I had a dream about our Pur water filter and it turned into a fan fic.

What's the story behind your pen name?

My older sister named me because my Mom and Dad let her. I never used a pen name. That’s my real name, you can google me and find out all about me. I used to have a wiki page or so my kids told me.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My kids used to tell their friends that ‘Mom is famous on the internet’ as a joke. Most of my friends know. My other life is in politics and the two lives usually don’t cross but once on a campaign I was asked by a reporter if I was the ‘same’ Vickie Moseley who writes fan fiction. If I had lied, that would have been the story—that I lied about this hobby of mine. Like it was something to be ashamed of or I was ashamed of my writing. So instead of ducking the question I said ‘yeah, have you read any of my stuff?’ Fan fiction was not mentioned in the finished article.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I’m on AO3 but only a partial list. My website is still up thanks to Mimic.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Back when I started writing (1995) it was a sort of commune. We all loved reading fan fiction, we didn’t want the story to end with the credits. So if you wanted to read, you were encouraged to write, too, so that others had stories to read and share. It was a cooperative arrangement very much like the old Literary Societies back in the 19th Century.  I really miss that, so I hope that on some level that is still going on.

(Posted by Lilydale on November 10, 2020)

[harry-sussex]

A Note... and A Big Thank You

Gather ‘round, my friends.  This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me as I write all of this out.  I’d appreciate it if you would read until the end, if you’re interested.

It’s been a few weeks now, and I’ve had time to settle my thoughts and almost come to terms with what’s happened with the British Royal Family over the past month or so.  It was difficult for me in a very, very real way.  I don’t know The Duke and Duchess of Sussex or their son, and they will never know me, but I care for them in a way I can’t really describe.  I can only hope that you all know what the feeling is like, as lovers of royalty yourselves.  It’s hard enough to explain to people in the real world.  I’m glad I won’t have to explain to you that the feelings - of affection, of pride, and of disappointment - are very real, very tangible... even with respect to complete strangers who live thousands of miles away, working for a country in which you do not live, with privilege and a lifestyle you could only imagine... the feelings are very real.  

On January 8th, I was at work.  Typing away, doing my thing, more or less minding my own business.  I saw the Instagram notification - SussexRoyal made a post - and when I saw the little thumbnail image next to the notification of their engagement photocall, I literally thought oh my God, Meghan is pregnant.  I clicked that notification faster than I’ve clicked anything in my life.

As you all know, that’s not even close to what they were saying.  Ultimate high to ultimate low in a second flat.  I remember my stomach dropping.  And I remember the panic.  Or at least my sheer, unadulterated panic because let me tell you - I was panicking.  In a very real, heart pounding, head spinning, caps lock, oh my God no this isn’t happening way.  My Harry was leaving and taking with him some of the best parts of who he is - a wife and child we’ve only just gotten to know, with whom we’d already fallen so in love, after waiting so long for them to appear in his life - and I. was. panicking.

Once we had a few moments as a fandom to wrap our heads around the Sussexes’ proposal as outlined on SussexRoyal.com, to develop some semblance of understanding, the second bomb dropped - HM was unaware of their decision to go public.  Charles and William weren’t in on it, either.  The discussions were preliminary and were far from adequate enough for the public’s questioning and demanding gaze.  Harry did what Harry has always been prone to doing... he didn’t like the way things had to be, so he made his own rules.

It didn’t look good for my Harry, who I’ve always loved, always defended, even when the worst parts of his personality overshadowed the best.  And for the first time in all the years I’ve been following him, I had nothing to defend him with.  Nothing.  He was wrong in my eyes - plain as day, he was a stubborn, spoiled, petulant brat who didn’t get his way immediately, and retaliated.  He had his reasons, sure, and they were (and are) legitimate.  But I couldn’t find a single way to defend the way he went about making it happen.  And let me tell you guys - that was not easy for me to wrap my head around.  I’d always found room in my thoughts to understand Harry’s relatively infrequent grand lapses of judgment.  This time, I had nothing.  My Harry was wrong.  Wrong.

Not only was he wrong, but he seemed so lost, so desperate to get out.  It was absolutely heartbreaking imagining my Harry - my strong, cheery, dedicated Harry - feeling so desperate for the sake of the safety of his wife and child that he went to this extreme.  Abandoning the only life he’d ever know for a chance at peace.  The only reason for such a move was sheer desperation.  As infuriating as it was... it was equivalently, if not more, heartbreaking.  He sought peace in the only way he thought he could, blindly fearful of the same forces that took his mother, now coming for his wife and son, clawing his way out so he could finally rest... heartbreaking.  I don’t know this about him, but just imagining it was enough for me to feel sick to my stomach.  My poor Harry.  My poor, stubborn Harry.  

Within minutes, this place was at absolute war.  A war that has been building for several years finally hit its breaking point.  I saw people turn on each other, turn on the royals, change their points of view.  I saw language I’ve never seen in all of my years here.  The blame game, finger pointing, complete dissolution of real relationships, friendships breaking, two factions violently clashing with every new piece of information released... it was awful.  It was like a train wreck, or a dumpster fire.  I’ve seen a lot happen in this fandom over the past six years, but I’ve never seen anything like January 8th.  Never.  I couldn’t sit around and watch it happen but I couldn’t bring myself to leave.  I had to be involved for the sake of this blog and for the sake of William, Kate, Harry, Meghan, the kids, and the rest of the British Royal Family, but I hated my involvement.  It was an awful feeling.  Combined with how awful I was feeling already about the idea of the split alone... I felt terrible for days.  Weeks, even.  Even now, just thinking about it, seeing photos of Harry and Meghan plastered all over every media source... even seeing William and Kate out and about, still doing their royal duties... I still feel absolutely awful about the whole thing.  Lost, and sad, and lonely... just awful.

I was losing and gaining followers every minute.  Some people I thought were friends vanished in the blink of an eye, because they didn’t like what I had to say.  Some - violently so.  My inbox and messages blew up - some agreeing with me, more screaming at me, and even more asking what the hell was going on.  It’s been more than four weeks, and I still haven’t gotten through even a third of the messages.  My head was spinning in the worst way, and I couldn’t shake it.  I couldn’t believe it.  All of these years of loving my Harry, waiting for him to find his partner, watching him find her, fall in love with her, propose to her, bring her into this unique world of his... traveling 3,500 miles to see the wedding in person, falling in love with Meghan for the simple reason that he loved her, crying for their pregnancy, and falling in love with the bump that became Bubba that became Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor... just for it to all get ripped out from under my feet not two years later.  I didn’t know what to do.  I couldn’t handle it.  I was heartbroken and completely blindsided and lost and so, so immeasurably sad.  I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t know what to do.

People were coming at me in droves, mocking my longtime defense of the Cambridges and my omnipresent denial of the feud.  Screaming about William, about how I’m awful for caring for him and his family after what he’s done to his only brother... screaming about the Royal Family and how I’m terrible for loving them despite what they did to Harry and Meghan... telling me to go focus on my “perfect” future King/Queen and leave the Sussexes out of my life, calling me the worst names for having the audacity to open my heart to more than Harry/Meghan/Archie... and worse.  Much, much worse.  My inbox was absolutely atrocious after this whole thing first happened.  A lot of the messages have been since deleted, but just reading them once was more than enough for me.  

I was so ashamed, knowing that this place that I often love so much has eroded to this.  Violence, cruelty, arguing, slinging real insults, cursing the existence of some of my favorite people on the planet, cursing each other... it was so awful.  So awful.  There are no words to describe how it felt for me - a William girl, a Kate girl, a Harry girl, and a Meghan girl, through and through - to be a part of this fandom during these past few weeks.  But mostly, it was absolutely, heartbreakingly awful.  I’m strong enough to know that this stuff doesn’t matter, not really... but it does, in its own way.  It does.

When the split was finalized with a quick, heartfelt, and ultimately quite succinct message from The Queen, I genuinely cried.  Real tears, real heartbreak.  That was it - the end of something many of us waited years and years for, gone after not even two.  Never in my wildest dreams did I even entertain such an idea.  The end of six years of following my Harry... done.  Harry was one of the highlights of my day for so long and now... that’s it.  It’s over.  I was not ready for it, not even remotely prepared for even the idea of it (a split never once even crossed my mind as a possibility to begin with), and now... it’s over.  And it hurts now, just as it did on January 8th and every day of every announcement since then.  It hurts, in a very real way.  It hurts.  And Harry’s last speech sealed the deal.  In ten minutes, he seemed to confirm the sheer desperation with which he acted.  He reminded the world of his reasons for doing what he did - ultimately, to protect that which he holds most dear.  He promised that he wasn’t bailing, but he couldn’t live this way anymore... I’ll admit, I bawled while I was reading it.  I still haven’t listened to the audio; I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.  It broke me completely.  Shattered me.  My Harry, the light of my life, broke my heart that day and I honestly believe things will never be the same for me with him.  I’m heartbroken.  Truly, honestly, even after all of these weeks... utterly heartbroken.

I’ve been called extra, dramatic, pathetic... both here and in my real life.  I can live with that; that doesn’t bother me.  The feelings are real.  The pride, the disappointment, the heartbreak, the panic, the fury, the excitement, the joy... even though we don’t know these royals, the feelings are real.  I’ll go to my grave saying that.  Most of you guys understand that, I know you do.  Dramatic?  Maybe.  But the way I felt, and feel, about this situation is very, very, agonizingly real.

I’m not sure if it’s apparent, but I’ve taken a bit of a break around here since the last statement dropped.  I’ve been online, sure - occasionally reblogging, chatting, liking, commenting, and whatnot - but I haven’t been nearly as active as I tend to be.  There’s a big hole in this place that the Sussexes left behind when they split from the Royal Family and it’s taken some adjusting for me to grow accustomed to their absence on my dashboard.  I love William and Kate with my whole heart, you guys know that, but there’s just something missing right now.  A little bit of spark, a little bit of my Harry magic is missing, and his absence from my day-to-day blogging dims the allure of this place significantly for me.

I’m still not sure what’s going to happen with this blog.  A blog called Harry-Sussex is hard to keep up if there’s no more Harry Sussex to follow, you know?  I’m not sure how to cover Their Royal Highnesses the future King and Queen alongside Mr. and Mrs. Sussex, regular people.  This blog has been and always will be about royalty... what do you do when half of the royals you cover and care about decide they don’t want to be royal anymore?

I’ve been here for almost six years and I don’t really want to leave just yet.  I think there’s a lot left to see, a lot left to say.  I always wanted to stick around as long as I could, until William’s investiture as Prince of Wales at the very least, but the Sussex split has made that idea much less appealing.  Maybe it’d be easier to follow these people I love so much from afar, instead of so closely.  Maybe I could return to the blissful ignorance of the days before I had this blog, when I got excited over outfits and babies and tiaras instead of getting frustrated over finances and security and engagements.  I’m not sure.  What I do know is that this isn’t as fun for me as it used to be, and truly, I never thought I’d say that.  But in all honesty, this... this has been different.  Way different than anything in my wildest dreams. 

I’m not leaving - please don’t mistake that.  I’m not leaving, not yet, but I just want you all to know that my heart truly isn’t in this right now, and I want you to understand why.  The Sussexes took most of it with them, and whatever’s left has been completely shattered by the way this fandom, this place turned on itself and absolutely imploded... destruction, violence, and cruelty, shattering it from the inside out.  This place is fractured, it is damaged, perhaps irreparably.  And it is very, very real.  It may be an online space, but behind each blog is a real person with real feelings towards these very real royals, and the words one says and actions in which one partakes can have very real consequences.  

That being said... the consequences do not always have to be negative.  There are some truly wonderful people involved in this fandom, without whom I’m not sure how I would have made it through.  It was hard, it still is hard, navigating this new “blog normal.”  

There are quite a few people that I have met or interacted with over the years, and particularly since the split, who have made navigating this new normal much easier.  It was so hard, I was so upset that I cannot adequately vocalize the feeling... but there are some people who went out of their way to cheer me up, however inadvertently.  Through a quick message, chatting, sheer knowledge, or just making me laugh... I really struggled with this place for a bit.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to bow out or not.  I wasn’t sure if I could handle the malice, the negativity from the fandom compounded with missing Harry and Meghan more than I could stand.  

I’m not, at least not now, and I truly believe I owe that to these people.  In the weeks between the first statement and the last, the worst parts of this place were on full display for the world - and me - to see.  I almost let it get to me; I almost let it win.  The best parts, though - nearly overcome by the sheer magnitude of what was happening - revealed themselves to me in a time when I really, really needed it.  My feelings regarding the split were tangible.  The help these wonderful people provided to me was equivalently real, equivalently tangible.

So, with that, I’d like to name and thank more than a few people publicly who really, really made this place a place worth staying in during and in the immediate aftermath of the Sussex split:

@acaffeinateduniverse​ - Someone I’ve never spoken to before the split.  You saw my posts about how heartbroken I was and sent me the absolute sweetest message, understanding and empathizing and generally just being very, very sweet.  For worrying, and for understanding the reality of these feelings.  You are a surprise bright spot in a place that can so often be dark and the world is better because you are in it.  I’m so sorry that you’re equivalently upset by this new arrangement, but we will make it through together.  You’re an absolute angel, thank you for being you.

@avidroyalfan​ - We’ve been through a lot on this website together, haven’t we, Debby?  Thank you for always bringing it back down to Earth and for always coming out swinging - especially when anons are involved.  For always caring about what I have to say.  Sometimes I feel like I’m screaming into the void, but never if you’re around.  Seeing your name always brightens my day.  Thank you.

@cambridgemadness - We have almost nothing in common from a royal-watching standpoint and yet you took time out of your day to message me in the peak of this mess.  We don’t even follow each other but you saw what was going on and put aside our differences and dissimilar preferences to reach out a hand.  This place needs more of that.  The problem here isn’t dissenting opinions; it’s the malice often associated with finding out someone feels differently than you do.  You never did that - not with me - and I really appreciate it more than I can put into words.  Thank you, Vanessa, for reaching out to a complete stranger so kindly.  Seriously.  Thank you.

@catherineandmeghans​ - What can I possibly say, Rach?  We’ve been through a lot together over the years and there’s nobody out there who handles the ins and outs of this hellhole better than you do.  For always being a bright spot in anyone’s day and for always speaking with understanding, level-headedness, and a (figurative) smile.  For knowing when to take a step back.  You are an angel.

@claireofluxembourg​ - It’s a rare thing when someone is a fan and a critic of the same royal, given the development and preeminence of stan culture - especially in this fandom.  For not letting your love of Henry cloud your judgment.  For always being hilarious (hello, Henry’s bald spot) and for always, always owning your shit.  For never being afraid to speak your mind.  For reaching out and understanding (even when I’m being dramatic) and for everything.  You know, friend.  You know.  I love you so much ♡

@crownprincesses​ - For a rational brain, the sweetest disposition, and equal-opportunity-representation of everyone’s favorite royals.  For understanding what was happening and responding so calmly.  For never letting it get to you.  I could learn a thing or two about that from you, Chiara.  Thank you for it.

@defend-mm​ - For your passion, dedication, and availability.  For your involvement.  For the regular positivity in my notifications that I regretfully have taken for granted in the past.  For your openness and enthusiasm and eagerness to defend.  For your engagement with the broader community.  We should all enjoy passion and excitement the way you do.

@duchessofostergotlands​ - The Queen herself.  For knowing everything and never balking at sharing your knowledge.  For being the most rational and thorough person I know.  For level-headed understanding and never, ever judging - even and especially when I deserve it.  For your openness and willingness to talk.  For never letting your preferences get in the way of what others are feeling.  For your understanding and patience.  For RuPawl.  I could go on, but I think you know.  Thank you, Jessica.

@gloriousglorianas​ - One of the most level-headed people I know.  Cece, I don’t know where this place would be without your calm, forgiving, and rational insight, but I’m glad I’ll never have to know.  You are a steadfast pillar of rationality mixed with a heavy dose of excitement and passion and I appreciate it so much.  Thank you for reaching out as kindly as you have and thank you for sticking through the mess and coming out stronger on the other side.  For your nuanced understanding of anything and everything.  

@grandmotherofeurope​ - Thank you for understanding, for loving him and knowing the heartbreak that came with the split.  You reached out - again, without knowing me from a hole in the wall - without judging and with understanding and compassion and I’m forever grateful for it.  I’m truly so, so sorry that you’re so hurt by what’s happened.  I sympathize, and I understand.  You’ll get through it, I promise.  Thank you for being so sweet.

@harryandmeghansussex​ - My best girl.  Becky, I don’t know how we made it through, but we did.  It’s going to be an adjustment but if anyone’s going to be alright, it’s you.  Harry and Meghan would be thrilled to know they have someone like you out there in their corner.  These days, they need it.  For the positivity, all of the challenges, and never letting the negativity get through.  For the updates and the pictures and always keeping me (and everyone else) in the loop.  I wouldn’t have known anything about the Sussexes beyond what was posted on Instagram without you.  Thank you for keeping on top of it when the rest of us can’t.  For understanding and valuing my points of view without bailing on a friendship because we differ.  Another valuable commodity, a true rarity around here.  Thank you.

@hollylite - The very first person to reach out when I was in the middle of having a nervous breakdown.  Thank you for your consistent reassurances, your sweet demeanor, and for your understanding.  Our conversation reminds me of the very best this place has to offer; you are most certainly a part of that.  Thank you.

@hrhatbat​ - Morgan...  Morgan Morgan Morgan.  I swear you’re like a Texas-living, design-savvy, stylist clone of myself.  We have so much in common it literally scares me, but I love it.  Thank you for keeping things bright and airy around here.  It felt so dark for a few weeks, but you never let that get to you or through you, and you never let it get past you to everyone else.  Thanks for never judging and always having something else to talk about.  

@lizisaroyalist​ - You know how much I adore you, but it needs to be in writing.  For always making me laugh and for always coming out swinging.  For the best insults (”cold slice of ham”) and for never taking yourself (or anyone else) too seriously.  For always being in my corner.  For laughing at the ridiculous messages I get, especially now.  I could go on for hours.  There aren’t enough words, but I think you know.  Thank you for being you, Liz.  I love you so so so much ♡  It’s come to my attention that you’ve chosen to leave since I started writing this, which is okay.  We’ll be here if you ever want to come back.  I hope you see this.  You deserve to know how wonderful you are and how thankful I am for your friendship.

@lorising​ - Lo.  What can I say that hasn’t already been said about you?  For the love, the positivity, and the understanding.  For defending anyone and everyone - royal or not.  For the laughter, and the incredibly unique and invaluable optimism and enthusiasm.  For reaching out with a hug and for being so warm and inviting to anyone and everyone.  For your “infinite support.”  We could all learn a thing or two from you.  

@meghanscatherines​ - For being so willing to start new communities within this larger community.  For your positivity and optimism.  For being as sweet as pie.  For understanding, empathizing, and being so compassionate.  You’re a sweetheart, Bia.  Thank you.

@middletonmarkle​ - The sweetest girl.  Mackinley, seeing you in my notifications and on my dashboard always puts a smile on my face.  For bringing me back down to earth with the smallest, sweetest comment.  It’s the little things.  Also, for being on the “William is attractive as all hell” train.  I respect that - you know I do.

@mrmrswales​ - Our resident genius.  I have no idea how someone like me and someone like you get along so well, but I’m thankful that we do.  For always being willing to share your information.  For the sheer breadth of knowledge and expertise you bring to the table.  For being willing to have a conversation, even when that conversation involves someone you categorically cannot stand.  For your drive, ambition, your attitude, and for always playing the Devil’s advocate.  I wouldn’t know half of the things I do without you.  May we all love and appreciate and take pride in our favorites the way you do yours.

@princeh3nry​ - The other fandom OG Harry girl.  For understanding what it’s like to love him and for understanding what it’s like to love the rest of them, too.  For never letting the atmosphere cloud your judgment.  For years of Harry content.  For (inadvertently) dragging me into the mess that is following Prince Harry all those years ago.  For a nuanced and established point of view.  Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one still in this thing for Harry.  Thank you for making me feel a lot less alone - especially now.

@princessanneftw​ - A seriously underrated person around here who never gets involved in the drama (and who seriously makes me laugh with every post).  Thank you so much for reaching out when I was about to lose my mind.  I know I haven’t answered your message (I’m terrible at that, notoriously) but I do go back and read it over and over when I get overwhelmed with this situation, which, even now, weeks later, is still quite often.  It was so sweet and I am so grateful that you took the time to write it.  You are an angel.  You always crack me up - seriously, all the time - and that’s such a valuable commodity in this community.  Thank you for your kindness and for your sense of humor.  

@princesscatherinemiddleton​ - Our resident positivity guru, Duchess of Cambridge extraordinaire, fashion Queen.  Grace, every community - online or not - deserves a person like you.  From making it your personal mission to spread positivity among the darkness, to your calculated and fervent dedication to The Duchess of Cambridge, to welcoming The Duchess of Sussex with open arms... I don’t know what to say.  It takes a special kind of person to willingly do what you do around here.  I hope you never leave - we could use someone like you.  Thank you for doing what you do and for reaching out directly.  For understanding the bigger picture.  So much love to you, my friend.

@queensonjas​ - I feel like you always understand what I’m trying to say even if it makes zero sense.  Thank you for making me feel like a little bit less of a lunatic.  Thank you for always including anyone and everyone.  This place can be so ostracizing - thank you for never letting that happen, especially during this mess.  I appreciate it more than I can say.

@riffraffrouge​ - I intentionally left this one last to write because I didn’t know how to put it into words, but I’ll try.  Melissa, if I am grateful for anything that came from this disaster of a place, it’s you and your friendship.  I had no idea that anyone on Earth loved both the Yankees and the Duchess of Cambridge the way I do... let alone someone who lives less than an hour away.  When I made this blog six years ago, I didn’t think I’d get anything in my real life out of it.  Fortunately, I was wrong.  Thank you for everything you are and everything you do.  For your kindness and for reaching out to anyone and everyone who needs a friend.  For your enthusiasm (in everything) and for your willingness to speak, engage, learn, and teach.  For freaking out with me when we signed Gerrit Cole and Brett Gardner.  For laughing at the future of the Houston Astros and the Boston Red Sox.  For never, ever, ever judging, especially for my hysterics during the split.  Generally, for being the sweetest person on the face of the planet.  There are no words, but I think (hope) you know.  I’m so thankful that you’re you.  Let’s get brunch again soon.  I love you so so so so so much  ♡

@rosegirl1416 - Another person I’ve never spoken to until the split.  Your comments have not gone unnoticed, dear.  Thank you for your patience and understanding.  For your positivity and for the light you bring to this community.  I’ll never forget your reply to one of my posts, telling me to breathe and take my time with getting back to everyone when I was in the middle of an outright breakdown.  I needed to hear it.  I really appreciate your kindness and generosity and humanity.  This place lacks that kind of substance a lot of the time, but you don’t. 

@will-make-more-mistakes-tomorrow​ - Your presence has not gone unnoticed, my friend.  I see you day in and day out and I appreciate you so much.  Thank you for your involvement, your generosity, your interest.  It is rare to feel so seen and heard but you make it effortless.  We all need someone like you in our corner.  Thank you.

--------------------

I’m not sure when my activity level will pick back up again.  Writing this whole thing over the past week has been extremely therapeutic, so maybe it’ll be sooner rather than later.  I know I have a ton of unanswered messages, both in my inbox and in my personal messages.  I know I owe answers, especially to many of you tagged above, and I promise they will come.  I’m still feeling so overwhelmed with this place and with the new status quo of following and loving the British Royal Family.  I’m still furious at the situation and I’m still so, so, so damn sad.  

I still care for them, and I always will, but the allure and luster of following the royals has dulled significantly for me now that half the people I care about aren’t working for the family anymore.  I’ve tried to get into other families, other royals, and I just can’t.  It’s William, Kate, Harry, and Meghan for me, is and will always be.  With half of them on the other side of the globe... what else am I supposed to do, you know?  How do I keep this thing going?  I’m not sure, but right now, the hole is just too big for me to actively work through it.  Maybe the weight will lessen as the new norm becomes old news, but for now... the absence is just too big.  It still hurts too much.  I can’t bring myself to get excited over the future for them right now because it just hurts way too much.  Ultimately, I’m happy for them, but I’m not happy about it.  I’m not excited to see what the future holds because it isn’t what it used to be.  I still adore them both, but right now, the excitement that many Sussex fans are feeling about the prospect of future projects is foreign to me.  I hope that changes, but for now... I’m just not into it anymore.  I’m just not.  Not the way I used to be.  It breaks my heart, but it’s the truth.  It just doesn’t hold the same magic for me anymore.

What was the point of me writing this mammoth essay?  A few reasons, I guess.  I first wanted to acknowledge my comparatively lackluster activity since the final statement was released.  I wanted to acknowledge that I know I owe many of you answers, and I wanted to promise that they are coming - because they are.  I wanted to acknowledge specifically the people who reached out to me during the events and days leading up to the final statement when I made it loud and clear that I was not coping well.  I wanted to be perfectly honest about what I’ve been feeling, about the heartbreak and disappointment and feeling lost and alone.  I wanted to recognize my reasons for taking a step back and the reasons for my diminishing interest in covering the royals... despite the fact that I’d never thought that day would come.

Mostly, though, I wanted to acknowledge the completely toxic culture that is associated with this fandom.  Many people have written pieces about how our little niche of the Internet is the worst one to be in, and on January 8th, for the first time, I really felt it.  The way people treated each other was not right.  Period.  We’re all culprits, but most people make an effort.  Some people do not, and it infiltrates the entire place.  There are real people with real feelings - yes, even about these royals that we do not and never will know - behind these blogs.  If you’re not thinking about how what you’re writing would come off if you were saying it out loud instead, then you’re not doing it right.  We can differ without being cruel.  We can have a conversation without slinging accusations.  We can be civil in the face of differences.  The mute, block, and blacklist functions are there for a reason.  Use them.  If you don’t like what someone has to say, then make sure it can’t come across your dashboard.  If you’re going to react, do it fairly.  Things are difficult enough in this world without having a space that’s supposed to be fun and interesting become a dark cloud over your day.  If this isn’t fun for you anymore, then maybe think about why.  And do whatever you can to change it.  This is your space.  You and you alone have to make sure that it stays positive, or else it won’t.

I’ve unfollowed 16 blogs since the split.  97 to 81.  My blocked list is double that.  I’m not thrilled about it, but this needs to be about me, just like your space has to be about you.  I truly believe that’s the only way to keep this fun for everyone.  This isn’t enormously fun for me anymore, but it doesn’t need to be that way for everyone.  If you don’t like reading something, make sure you can’t read it.  It’s really that simple.  

Anyway... I’m sorry for the long post.  I really am.  If you’ve stuck around this long, then I seriously applaud you.  Thank you for caring about what I have to say and the way I’ve been feeling.  It really helped to get this all out in writing.  I’m hoping I’ll be back to normal soon.  I love you guys, you know that.  I really do.  And I love them still - aggravating as they may be.  I’m hoping this feeling doesn’t last forever, because I’m not done here just yet.  I’m not ready to throw in the towel on six years.  But it might be a little bit before things go back to normal around here for me.  Thank you for understanding, and thank you for caring about them, and about me.  I love you guys endlessly ♡

[best-enemies]

For the fandom ask meme thing can I request the whole damn alphabet or is that not very cash money of me? I’m nosy lmao I wanna know all of them!

AHDKAJSDKJAHSKDA JACK YOU’RE THE BEST

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

I’ve had my current OTP for like almost 8 years and it’s, obviously, Thoschei (Doctor/Master). My other current obsession is the Gallifrey OT4 hehehe

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

It’s funny because I didn’t ship Hannigram at first... I’d thought the idea of a cannibal having a relationship was terrifying because what if they had sex and Hannibal got hungry in the middle of the act? Lmaoooo 

But yeah they’re my endgame now. I watched the show when it first aired and I was about 14/15 years old so now you see why I thought that. Although I’m still afraid I’m gonna be reading a fic and Hannibal will suddendly bite Will’s dick off or smth AKJHSAKJSAHSASKAJ

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

Uhhh Doctor/Clara. Mainly because I don’t like to ship the Doctor with companions (there may be one or two exceptions but I don’t ship them enough to actually say I ship them lol) and I don’t know I just never vibed with it

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

Doctor/River. I mean, I did like it for a while years ago but now it’s just... eh. I think she has a waaay better chemistry with the 12th Doctor, but still don’t ship it. I might give it a try once I listen to the River audios but so far meh. I’m not much of a multishipper anyway.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what

God. I’ve written a couple of Academy Era (focused on the Deca) crack fanfics and I still have to translate them to English. They’re pure garbage but I love them. I have a lot of fun writing crack fics because they’re easier and I can ignore whatever piece of canon I want just for the laughs

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom

Guess it’s Doctor Who, been here (in and out of the fandom) for over 8/9 years

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

Uhhhh I think it was Han Solo and Leia, since I was a kid really. I wanted to marry both of them lol

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)

I had to google what a source text is and still don’t know

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

I don’t think so, but Twitter definitively has. I remember a couple years ago I was curious to see what voltron was about and watched a few episodes, it was ok, fun and cute but the fandom was so annoying I stopped watching it for good and don’t care about it enough to pick it up again

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr

I had definitively forgotten about supernatural until I saw it all over my dashboard in the year of our lord 2020 lmao like in my wholock days I tried to watch the show because everyone on my dash (is it still called dashboard?) was talking about it and I watched about 8 episodes before dropping it. But seeing it again on the dash was actually a happy surprise because the memes are too funny hahaha

K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms

I’m extremely shy irl and on the internet as well but I wanna say that  @janeturenne is one of the best authors ever and her fanfics are a blessing in my life; also @thebraxiatelcollection who brings awesome content to my dash and is also one of the best authors. And of course, you, Jack, also one of the best authors god I’m so BLESSED

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)

Uhhh I guess I’m neutral about the current companions. They’re not my favorites but I don’t really dislike them - they had a lot of potential and chibs came up with some good storylines but did not develop them well in my opinion. I think Graham is a fun grandpa whom I’m going to miss when he leaves; Ryan is cool and could’ve done a lot more if the writers had kept a few things, it’d be awesome if he vlogged all of their adventures. He’s like the one I was curious to see more but sadly didn’t feel a connection; and Yaz, I hope she’ll keep growing and that her friendship with the Doctor will finally be developed to a level we can connect to her.

It sounds weird because with the fam it’s always ‘what I wish could have been’ because I never felt really connected to them :(

M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you)

Ok... I don’t really ship Rey/Finn but I think it’s one of the sweetest ships ever, and if they ended up together I’d be happy. They love each other and are there for each other always so, yeah :D

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

I don’t know if I got the question right but it’s three things I wish I saw more in my main fandom? Well, if it’s that, then, 3 things about the Doctor Who fandom: 1) people having more civilized or light-hearted discussions about things. Like, I genuinely disliked an 8th doctor audio I listened once that my friends loved, and they made fun of me and we joked about it. Also once we were in a live twitch video playing among us and discussing doctor who, and then we got into a ship “discourse” as a joke and nobody really cared and just laughed because everyone knew it’s fictional shit so why get mad over it? 2) Doctor Who has a titanic amount of content, it’s all canon but at the same time it’s not, so who cares? If you want to listen to Big Finish audios and if you can afford it, then lisiten; if you can’t, it’s okay, no one has the right to tell you you’re less of a fan. Just tell them to fuck off; 3) The best way to keep fandom alive is by creating content. Here in my local fandom we have several podcasts dedicated to all areas of the whoniverse (the show, the expanded universe, the audios, etc), those old fandom websites who do serious work to bring news to the fans, people who make subtitles for the classic series (we don’t have it available here so they do their best to make it accessible to other fans), accounts dedicated to promoting dr who fans who create content, and we even have people making their own audiodramas with dw characters and writing book-lenght fanfiction to help explain the show to people who’ve never watched it, and a great variety of things. I’ve seen a few of these things in the international fandom, mostly by older fans, so I wish younger fans about my age who have the means to make this kind of stuff would make it too. Maybe there’d be less twitter drama out there lol

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

“the killing moon” by echo & the bunnymen reminds me of thoschei. yep it was totally random

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

The fact that we don’t have a pride and prejudice AU for brax/romana yet is driving me insane

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why

I’ve mentioned it before but doctor/river, don’t really remember why idk I just don’t vibe with it anymore. But also because thoschei has so many different pairings in 1 ship that I don’t really feel the need to ship them with anyone else lol

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

GOD I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT’S SO SPECIFIC ok fellow academy era stans gather around if you have read Divided Loyalties there’s a scene where it SHOWS that Magnus had a crush on Ushas. And NO ONE HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT THEM and the power couple they would’ve made. I write them into all my fanfics in hopes of making other people ship them but I’ve had no success so far

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

The Master is a big fan of musicals and in the 77 years he spent on earth he watched every single one ever. I’m gonna be bold and say that when he was young, still Koschei, he was an artist, and thought about dropping everything to become an actor on Gallifrey. Time Lords do appreciate art, and have their own plays, but it’s just the same old and boring ones the young people don’t care about. The Master then created a shocking performance that was way ahead of its time and the older Time Lords were so appalled they banned him from writing and presenting plays and that’s his villain origin story

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

1) The Doctor and the Master married on Gallifrey and the entire show is just them having the most litigious divorce in the universe (still isn’t final because the Master has killed all the judges); 2) Ushas/The Rani is ace; 3) The Deca was a 10 people polyamorous relationship; 4) Romana and Livia were girlfriends at the Academy and they hate each other now because the break up was baad; 5) Romana writes fanfiction; 6) Romana/Leela had a thing in Davidia I KNOW it; 7) Leela pegs Narvin; 8) Brax has a life-size painting of Romana at his collection or a statue or smth; 9) Brax’s dream in Reborn is actually REAL and he’s married to Romana, Leela and Narvin all at the same time

U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms

I don’t even think I’m in 5 fandoms but

Doctor Who: The Master, The Doctor, Romana, Leela, Sarah Jane, Bill (this was the hardest thing ever)

The X-Files: Mulder, Scully, Monica, and can I add The Lone Gunmen too?

Star Wars: Leia, Obi-Wan, Finn, Poe Dameron and honorable mention to Din Djarin and Grogu

Hannibal: Hannibal, Will, Bev, Alana, Chiyoh

V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms

That’s hard

Doctor Who: thoschei ofc, gallifrey ot4.......... uuhh as you can see i don’t ship many pairings in the show

The X-Files: Mulder and Scully. And whatever Scully and Monica had going on because they definitively flirted

Star Wars: Poe/Finn, Han/Leia, whatever Han/Lando had going on too

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

WHATVASHAJSKAJSA ok this is a little embarassing but I don’t have a lot of kinks for many ships... I guess I have some for thoschei like, choking, whipping, blindfolds/gagging, bondage, begging, biting, sem-public, phone sex, dirty talk, body worship, praise kink, etc. Alright alright I know it’s a lot but in my defense they've shown half of these on the show

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM

The Master, Romana, Leela, Brax, Narvin, Bill Potts, Martha Jones, Sarah Jane, Donna Noble, Lucie Miller. No particular order for most of them but the Master is my precious baby and I will die for this mf

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

Not many, usually the people I follow are in the same fandoms as I am but I’ve seen some mutuals reblog some Hadestown stuff which is a play that I’ve never seen but definitively would because the protagonists look hot 

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT DOES IT MEAN

it took me three hours to do this but it was fun!! thank you bb <3