#i went to see luke hemmings yesterday

[tteokdoroki]

breathes really heavily on the dash

[heartache-otbs]

daylight - lrh (songfic)

an: this song is stuck in my head and i figured it'd be an ouchie fic so im sorry

summary: songfic, daylight by maroon 5 (first verse / chorus)

pairing: luke hemmings x reader

warnings: angst maybe? it's sad.

word count: 767

Here I am waiting, I have to leave soon. Why am I holding on?

Luke lays under the cool silk sheets, your body close to his as he lightly caresses your face under the moonlight. He can't sleep.

He hasn't been able to sleep for weeks. He's been stressing about going off on tour, without you. He loved his job, he loved travelling the world and he loved his fans.

But he also hates his job, because it takes him away from you.

Tomorrow is the day he has to leave, you had fallen asleep pretty early, tired from helping him back and prepare. So Luke had been staring at you for hours, memorizing what your face looked like and touching every square inch of skin he could, trying to hold on to you.

We knew this day would come, we knew it all along. How did it come so fast?

Luke doesn't know why he's desperately trying to hold onto you when this day was inevitable, how could he be so upset when this day had been coming for months? Shouldn't have he accepted it by now?

He thought it was just yesterday that he came home to you, announcing that he could finally go back on tour after the pandemic. How happy you two were and how proud you were of Luke. There was so much love and happiness in that moment, yet that memory in Luke's mind has faded into a blue hue of hidden regret.

It's too soon. Luke begins having second thoughts. I can't leave.

This is our last night, but it's late. And I'm trying not to sleep. Because I know when I wake, I will have to slip away.

Luke has hit the point of exhaustion, he can barely keep his eyes open but he refuses to go to sleep. The moment he wakes up he has to get in the car and get on the road, you couldn't take him because you had a school priority that you couldn't get out of.

"That's okay," Luke had sighed when you told him that you wouldn't be able to see him off "you need to do what ya need to do YN"

Inside he was torn to shreds, knowing he couldn't kiss you at the gate made him not want to go through it.

So Luke kisses you now, soft kisses all over your face while you sleep, his soft lips lingering on your warm skin every few seconds as he makes sure to kiss every inch.

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go, but tonight I'm gonna hold you so close. Because in daylight we'll be on our own. But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close.

You actually cried so much before bed. Once Luke got in the shower, you lost it. You were in such hysterics that Luke heard you from the bathroom and came out to comfort you, tears escaping his face as well.

As you held each other, Luke kept promising that he was never going to let you go. That he'd never let anything come between the two of you, that he'd hold you forever if he needed to. He made a slight joke that he wouldn't go if it made you stop crying.

Was it really a joke though?

What the big thing was about the next day, was that you two had never necessarily been separated for each other for a long period of time. You two had gotten together right before the pandemic started, so you spent all of your time at each other's houses. Moved in together pretty quickly, he hadn't gone anywhere for work and if he did you went with him, because of the pandemic you had online school.

But now with societal normalities back in place, you and Luke had to be separated from each other. Something that you both would have to learn how to deal with.

You two really didn't know how to exist without the other one on hand, some would say it was an unhealthy codependency but you and Luke were just happy.

What would you even do without Luke? It'd be so quiet. So empty. You'd no longer have his comfort coming back from class. No more making pancakes for him on Saturday mornings. Your routine will be all out of sorts, what will make up for it?

You tried not to think about it once it crossed your mind, instead, you let Luke hold you as you drifted off, sinking into the last night you had him next to you, dreading the daylight.

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 4/5

What am I feeling today?

I’m feeling alright, I was quite productive yesterday which was good! I’m a little anxious of what today will bring but I look forward to it anyways! Hope to be in the OR this morning but whichever unit I’m floated to is sure to be enjoyable🤗

Luke 19 NIV

(v. 8-10) “But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.””

Zacchaeus was a tax collector and some people were judging that Jesus would be eating with a sinner. But here we see that he was willing to give up his possessions and Jesus rewarded him. Also the last line is so crucial! Jesus came to seek and save the lost!!

(v. 35-40) “They brought it to Jesus, threw their cloaks on the colt and put Jesus on it. As he went along, people spread their cloaks on the road. When he came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen: “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!” “Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!” “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.””

I really like this last line. Because obviously that people of the crowd are praising him as we are His creation and meant to give praise. But Jesus is here saying that even if the people were quiet, the stones (and I interpret this as all of God’s creation) would cry out! I just think that’s powerful, that all things are meant to praise the Lord!

(v. 41-44) “As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.””

he wept :( I appreciate these moments because it humanizes Jesus. He was human, he had emotions, he cried, he did all things that we do as well and we’re so lucky to have the Lord know what it’s like to be us. He loved the perfect life and our aim should be to imitate him in every way.

(v. 47-48) “Every day he was teaching at the temple. But the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the leaders among the people were trying to kill him. Yet they could not find any way to do it, because all the people hung on his words.”

It’s just really intense when you think about it. They wanted to kill him. They were set on that. Every really early on and it’s quite disturbing really for them to pursue it so much to the point that they finally made it happen. And what a gruesome death it was :(

[bloodhoundluke]

motion ⎮ luke hemmings

description: luke is experiencing a tough time mentally; every day feels the same. what is his way out of the darkness?

pairing: she/her x luke hemmings

warnings: anxiety, depression, self-loathing, angst, cursing (let me know if there's anything else).

word count: 600ish.

a/:n: this is a bit short, i guess. it's pretty sad at first, too :( this is an angsty one, so i'd recommend maybe skipping reading this if you aren't in the best mental state. if there's anything you'd like to talk about, i am always here <3 ps. if you can find any mistakes (e.g. grammar), please do let me know!

this is pt. 3 of when facing the things we turn away from series. the parts are not related to each other; rather, i'd call them blurbs.

The pressure to finish the album. The hate. The self-loathing.  It became all too much to Luke; he had let everything bad consume him. He couldn’t even trust what he was seeing, as if his eyes were lying to him. Two months had been the same everyday: wake up, take care of Petunia, studio, come home, walk and feed Petunia, open a beer, sit in the darkness, go to sleep. Was that really what life had to offer? The same shit everyday. Numbness, sometimes pain. Why couldn’t Luke get it right? His life?

As time went on, time became an obscure concept to him. Tomorrow would be like yesterday, and yesterday had been like all the days before. Was there a way out for me, he wondered. The days were filled with regrets, anxiety and darkness. Sometimes it was blank. He blamed himself for everything wrong he had done in his life; sometimes he couldn’t even care less. What was the point, anyway?

Then it hit him. He needed to take action. If he moped around all day, what would that lead to? Nothing particularly good, as he had witnessed. So, he booked a therapist appointment after contemplating about it for a few weeks. It helped him to see what he could do in his life in order to be happier. So, he took mindful walks everyday in his neighborhood, hung out more with the boys and called home more often. He practiced being more mindful of his thoughts and did mental health exercises.

Luke felt alone, even though he had told his loved ones about his mental state. It felt like no one truly understood him. Or was it just in his head? He wanted to get better and started to cancel on parties and some other social events since his anxiety was at its peak. He felt selfish for that; he had always been to every social gathering he could go to. Luke knew he had been thinking about other people’s opinions for far too long. He wanted to please people, even if it meant his own suffering. But not anymore, Luke decided. 

His focus was on the future instead of the past; there was something he needed to find. Something that would make everything make sense. He knew there were some things he would never know, but still he was searching for some type of miracle. There had to be some sign from the universe, right? Luke needed to know what was his purpose. What he was supposed to put his energy into. A few months went by quickly and Luke was still stuck inside his own head. What was this miracle he was supposed to find?

And there she was standing in a flowy pale yellow maxi dress in the California sun. As Luke laid his eyes on her, he knew she’d be something special in his life. Even if it was just being acquaintances with her, he knew she was the one he wanted to find. Three coffee dates and four dinners later, he knew he had fallen hard for this woman. After one and a half years of dating and five months of living together, he knew she’d be the only one he would want to spend the rest of his life with. Her generous giggle, the habit of leaving doors and cabinets open, her urge to be physically close, the nervousness when meeting new people. He loved all that there was to her: the good, the bad and in-between. 

The couple lounged around in their living room, watching some romantic comedy Luke had picked. After a while of silently watching the movie, he decided to speak.

“I think you are my miracle, petal”, Luke caressed her cheek and looked at her with his eyes full of admiration. 

“I am not the miracle here, remember that. You helped yourself. You are your own miracle”, she smiled gently.

© 2022 bloodhoundluke.

[tjsplace]

aug 26

4.55 pm

i can't stop listening to the same ep over and over again today. boy by luke hemmings. it fits the mood. i haven't been super depressed, but i've been sick with a cold. it's super annoying and of course because of my fibromyalgia, it hurts me more than other people. but whatever. today therapy was rough though. i made the exercise of recalling all the traumatizing events that led to my first suicide attempt. i cried, so much. it felt like i had a whirlwind inside my head and i couldn't see clearly. i felt like a horse with blinkers. yesterday i was sad because i felt like a failure in my career. my mom told me over and over again i'm talented. i wanna believe her. but what if i'm not? what if i'm not all the things she says i am? i'm not obsessive with music production. am i? i literally have no idea. it's because i spend maybe 1 to 2 hours a day on ableton. sometimes. a few times a week. sometimes every day. it depends on what i have to do. but i don't know, it doesn't feel like a hobby yet. it feels like work. because i'm not talented enough to not get frustrated when my songs don't work. it's the sounds, the mix. structurally i'm good. lyrically, eh. maybe. i don't play guitar super well because i don't practice enough. it's my stupid hand injury from two years ago. i gotta warm up every single time i gotta pick up a guitar, for ten minutes. it's annoying. i just wanna listen to music. today, right now, i'm sick and i'm high. i bought two grams. i hadn't bought any weed in over a week. maybe therapy today was too tough for me. also, it was online. i couldn't bring myself to my therapist's office. too tired. too much snot. i wanna write about leon and salem, but mar hasn't given me permission to write salem yet. i don't wanna overstep her boundaries. i know it's her character. i didn't create it, she did. i wish i could write her in a way that made mar proud. a version of a similar salem maybe. my own perspective on salem. maybe i should tell her that.

6.24 pm

i'm so overwhelmed with emotion right now. listening to i'm still your boy feels surreal when i'm high and watching videos from california. being at the beachwood café. laurel canyon. west hollywood. when i went to the recording studios. westlake, eastwest, sunset sound and henson. they all said i needed an appointment to check out the place if i was planning on recording there. i was like, i'm from chile, this is my last day here, i can't make an appointment. i said only half of that. i went to do that too late. but i couldn't do it the other day, when we went to disneyland and i had a panic attack. i went back to the inn, took a shower, went to an atm in a grocery store, bought a joint. got high, took a nap and went to visit inglewood. it was really cool. then i went to buy makeup at ulta beauty in west hollywood. maybe i should do yoga, i'm all contractured. my neck, my back. i haven't done yoga in ages. my mat is probably all dirty. i'm sick. why do i want to do things that are good for me just when i'm sick? like, what the fuck.

6.52 pm

i'm getting anxious now. i know it when i feel like i absolutely must talk to someone, tell them everything, otherwise i'll lose my mind. i don't know if i got into a fight with mar. shit. maybe i shouldn't have written her long messages explaining why i thought writing about leon and salem would be a good idea. and that i understand if she doesn't want me writing salem in any way. which is totally valid. and now she's not replying, she's most likely busy, and i NEED to talk this out with someone.

[obxthornton]

Chapter 5

wc: 3304

There were only two people who I didn't want to see today and somehow I saw them both minutes from eachother.

To clear my head from all the crazy things that were said yesterday I went on a walk. Walking was nice, it allowed me to clear my mind, which was exactly what I needed.

That was until it became stressful on the walk home. I was about 3 houses away from mine when I saw my dad's car parked in the driveway. Not only was his car there, but also him, unloading his suitcase from the back.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, I did not want to see him at all right now. I did not need to see him right now. My breath hitched as I thought of the same conversation we would have every time he'd come home.  Dad always gave me anxiety and just the thought of him sent me into an anxiety attack.

I looked around quickly for somewhere to hide or someone I knew so they could hide me but my eyes just landed on Luke hemmings house. "I'm going to regret this," I mumbled walking quickly across Luke's lawn to the side of his house where his window was. His room was on the first story so I just banged harshly on it.

The blinds went up and an annoyed half asleep shirtless Luke stood there.

"Please." I mouthed lightly causing him to sigh and open up the window. I sighed in relief as I climbed in and slid down the wall underneath it.

"I was sleeping so fucking good." Luke grumbled closing the window, "You better have a good fucking reason why- what's wrong?"

I had gotten pretty good at calming my own anxiety attacks since I was normally.. alone. 

I held up a finger to him closing my eyes as I leaned my head against the window seal. Luke sat down in Infront of me, "Hey hey, it's alright." He said. "You can stay here if you want till your dad leaves. Or I'll call Ash or Kiara to pick you up."

"I just- I just need a second okay?" I huffed probably more aggressively than I needed to be and probably more aggressively than I could be. It made me lose my breath again and squeeze my eyes alittle harder trying to count my breaths. Just breathe Georgina this is embarrassing.

Luke tapped the floor anxiously, I couldn't see him because my eyes were closed but he used to always panic when I had anxiety attacks when we were dating.

A soft play of a guitar caused me to open my eyes. Luke strummed some random cords lightly on it looking at me with a concerned face. He used to always sing to me during anxiety attacks because it seemed to be the only thing that would calm me down.

'I like the summer rain

I like the sounds you make

We put the world away

We got so disconnected 

You are my getaway

You are my favorite place 

We put the world away

Yeah we're so disconnected

And by the end of the course, I was always fine.

So Luke and I sat in now silence that was boarder line awkward staring at eachother.

"Thanks," I said barely above a whisper.

He didn't say anything back, didn't move a mussel, just stared back. I debated whether to say it again alittle louder in case he didn't hear me. 

The sudden trance broke as he threw his guitar softly on the bed. "I'll call ash." He said reaching into his pocket to grab his phone.

"No no, it's fine." I said, "I have to go home eventually." I pushed myself off the ground and stood up leaving Luke on the ground, his hands rested together around his knees.

"Thanks," I mumbled. "I'll see you at school." 

He gave me a tight smile and a lift of a hand before I climbed out the window. I turned around to watch him close his window slowly meeting my eyes once more.

~~~~

"Georgia!" My dad called as I walked through the front door. He wrapped his arms around me hugging me tightly. 

"Hey, dad," I mumbled lightly hugging him back.

"I'm making dinner." My dad said, "Come sit down and tell me all about school." He said pulling away and walking to the kitchen.

"I have plans," I said. I didn't but I'd make some.

"Well, can't you cancel them for some time with your old man?" He asked turning around and giving me a half smile.

"No, it's important plans," I stated.

Dad messed with the wedding ring on his finger. It made me smile that he was wearing Mom's again, "actually I can stay for alittle bit." I said lightly walking to the kitchen.

"How long are you staying for?" I asked my dad ready for his usual answer of a week or days.

"Few weeks." My dad said smiling catching me by surprise. "I should be here for the rest of your school year." 

I nodded lightly.

Dad sent me a smile and sat across from me at the table. "So? How's school?" He asked.  I nodded lightly, pulling strings out of the rips of my jeans. "It's fine. Sucks." I laughed awkwardly, it felt like I was talking to a stranger. It always felt like I was talking to a stranger.

"I bet. Hey, the year is almost over, and then university. Got any plans for that?" Dad asked. I shrugged, "Not sure I really wanna go. You know I'm doing my thing with music and after Willow, Kiara, and Willow are all going away so I have to find something new to do."

Dad tapped his finger on the table the other hand on his face, thinking. "I know a guy. Um.. a music guy. Producer, I think? Or maybe it was a manager? Anyways I can uh get him to come to one of your gigs. If you wanted to stick with music."

I scrunched my eyebrows, "really?" I asked surprised. I mean throughout all my life the most my dad has ever done for me was leave.

"Yeah when's your next gig I'll give me a call," Dad said pulling out his phone.

"Friday. 7:00 At Jordan's." I smiled lightly. "Uh, thanks."

He nodded and typed some stuff into his phone. "Of course. Go do what you need to do. Well, go out for dinner one date his week."

I nodded and stood up, almost feeling guilty for leaving now since he was so nice. But my mind went back to the wedding ring causing me to give my dad a smile before walking towards the door.

Maybe it would all go back to normal.

----

"Oh, you didn't." Luke's amused voice rang throughout the hallway as I walked into school. He stood there with my friends, laughing and clapping in disbelief. "She did it! You actually took orders from that asshole!"

I gritted my teeth at Luke as I tightened my hand on my backpack walking up to my friends.

"This is new," Kiara said holding a hand out to touch my brunette hair.

"My hair was dead. That's why I dyed it back." I stated more to Luke than anyone else. "No other reason."

I didn't meet Michael's eye contact, however. It would have been easy for me to call him up yesterday and dye our hair back naturally together as we had talked about. But I didn't. And now I could feel his eyes shooting daggers into the side of my head. For once in 4 years, me and Michael Clifford did not have the same color hair nor did we dye it together.

"Where's your piercings," Willow asked me grabbing my face with her hand and moving it around to look at the now empty holes in my face. "Open." I opened my mouth lightly and she looked at the empty hole in my tongue. 

"No lip ring. No nose rings. No tongue piercing. No dyed hair. What the hell is wrong with you." Maddie asked.

Luke's hand now went to my face instead of willows as he stared at my lip, eyebrows scrunched. "You took out the lip ring?" 

I pushed his hand off of my face and held up my hands in surrender. "Yes! I dyed my hair back and took out my piercings okay? It's not a big deal."

"It's a big deal when you don't do that sorta thing," Ashton said. "This hasn't got anything to do with Liam does it?"

I shook my head, "of course not."

Luke scoffed, "Of course it does. At dinner that's all he would talk about was what he wanted to change about you."

I huffed, "And all you talked about was my head game! So you have no right to talk. Your girlfriend was right there. What kind of asshole are you?"

"At least I'm honest. At least I don't change who I am for my partner." Luke said.

I rolled my eyes and held up my hands, "I'm going to class. I'll see you guys later." I turned around and walked in the direction of my class.

"Gigi," Kiara called after me walking briskly after me. "Talk to me, babes."

I sighed and stopped turning around, "there's nothing to talk about. It's just hair."

Kiara looked at me like I had 7 heads and 3 eyes. "It's never been just hair to you."

I laughed "You guys are blowing this way out of proportion. I dyed my hair. Not shaved it."

"Now I know you guys aren't sticking with the band during university because, well, we can't. But I still want to stick with music. A music producer... manager.. someone is coming to our show on Friday. If you guys don't mind." I messed with the hem of my shirt lightly, I mean it was a kinda big thing I expected them to be okay with. A producer for me, not the band. 

Kiara smiled lightly and nodded, "I'm sure that won't be a problem."

I smiled at her and hugged her. "Thank you," I mumbled into her ear.

"But you gotta put at least one piercing back in for it!" Kiara said sternly pulling away. "It's... freaky."

~~~~

The doorbell rang causing to me push myself off the couch and walk to the door.  Luke Hemmings stood on my porch looking through the window at me.

I opened up the door and stuck my head out"I thought we were working on the project at your place." 

"It's your turn this week." He said pushing the door completely open and walking in. He threw his backpack on the floor and walked towards the kitchen.

"Luke my dad's here," I grumbled walking after him. 

"Luke Hemmings! Is that you?" Shit. Luke stood frozen in the kitchen as my dad made dinner. The last time Luke and my dad saw eachother, me and Luke were still dating and it didn't go well.

"Uh yes sir. How are you, sir?" Luke immediately straightened his posture, pulled up his pants, and pulled down his shirt. Luke never earned the dad's approval but that had been the least of my concerns.

"Great. Sit down, son. Dinners almost ready." Dad said motioning to the table.

"Oh no sir-" Luke stumbled over his words trying to come up with an excuse.

"Sit."

They always say your dad and your boyfriend will be the two most important men in your life. But when your dad was gone half the time and your boyfriend was your ex and an ass, they barely earned the title of men in my life.

Luke sat down more quickly than he'd probably liked to admit. My dad was a 'big scary man' as Ashton would describe him, and the feeling my mutual with Luke.

"So. Luke." Dad started, "how's school?"

"Uhh, good sir. I just came to work on a project with your daughter." Luke stumbled over his words lightly making me sigh and sit down diagonal from him at the 4 person table.

He snapped his fingers at me trying not to let my dad see as he motioned to any other seat, I had left the one across and next to him open for my dad. I rolled my eyes at him flicking him off out of Dad's view.

Dad set food down on the table that looked like way too much for 3 people. 

"Just a project huh?." Dad said to Luke, eyes narrowed at him.

"Dad." I groaned rubbing my temple.

This dinner couldn't get any worse.

That was until the doorbell rang. Luke let out a breath of relief as it broke the tension and my dad's eyes away from Luke.  Dad walked to the door and opened it.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath as my dad pushed the door open revealing my boyfriend. My head fell to the table in utter humiliation. Dad, ex, current boyfriend. And me. 

"Georgina! You could have told me about this lovely man Liam." Dad said clasping Liam's Shoulder and pulling him into the kitchen.  Liam had about the same face as Luke as their eyes met.

my dad pushed Liam into the chair next to Luke causing me to groan again.

"Stay for dinner," Dad said to Liam sitting down from of cross of him.

"I really can't- I just came to talk to Geo," Liam said

"Georgina," Luke grumbled to Liam.

"Geo," Liam said back.

"You're staying." Dad insisted. "Georgina get your head off the table and say hi to your boyfriend."

I sighed and lifted my head, running my hands over my hair. "Hey, Liam."

He didn't pay any attention to my words, he was glaring at Luke. 

"Dad, please. Let them go home." I begged my dad but he just shrugged at me.

"I'm not going anywhere if he's staying," Liam said averting his eyes from Luke making Luke smile lightly as if he had just won. "Same," Luke said raising his eyebrows for a second as he reached and grabbed some food from the table.

"Liam, would you say grace?" Dad asked Liam causing him to choke lightly on the water he was drinking.

We weren't religious, nor had we ever said grace at dinner but I think Dad just wanted to see Liam squirm.

"What?" Liam asked.

"Grace. Bless the food?" Dad asked raising his eyebrows suspiciously.

I grabbed my phone from my pocket and sent an SOS text to Ashton.

"Oh uh.." Liam said looking between me and my dad.

Luke's cocky smile was plastered across his face, "I'll say grace, sir."  I glared at Luke trying to mentally wipe that smile off his face. Dad smiled at Luke nodding at him lightly.

"No, I got it." Liam interrupted Luke.

I let out an audible sigh before bowing my head.

"Uhh... dear Jesus." Liam started earning a stifling laugh from Luke. "Jesus, son of G- a bitch!" 

Luke's stifled laugh was heard again and my dad's head shot up and glared at Liam. "Excuse you, sir?" He said.

Luke's hand was over his mouth I assumed he had done something to cause Liam to call Mary a bitch. 

"He stabbed me with a fork!" Liam said staring at Luke accusingly. 

Luke glared at Liam, "I did no such thing." It was the most unbelievable counter-answer I had ever witnessed.

The doorbell rang sending me standing up this time. "I'll get it," I told my dad quickly before he could leave me alone with the two boys.

I quickly walked up to it and opened the door revealing Ashton who stood there waiting. I sighed in relief and stepped out of the house and closed the door.

"Woah what's wrong," Ashton said.

"Will you stay for dinner?" I breathed out earning a confused stare from Ashton. "Sure? I'm starving."

"Great. I can't stand another second with my dad, Luke, and Liam."

Ashton's face fell and he looked at his wrist like a watch would appear suddenly. "Wow look at that time. Actually, I have to get home. I have a.. thing."

I rolled my eyes at him grabbed his bicep and pulled him into the house. The bickering from my father, Luke, and Liam filled the air as Ashton tried to squirm from under my grip.

"I'll never forgive you for this," Ashton muttered.

"I can live with that," I muttered back pushing him into the kitchen. 

"Irwin!" My dad said smiling at Ashton. Dad loved Ashton but Ash hated Dad. Ash gave Dad a small smile rubbing the part of his arm I was holding.

"Great. Another one." Liam grumbled under his breath causing me to hit the back of his head, "Sorry."

"Hi Mr. Summer," Ashton said as I grabbed a bar stool and smushed it in between Luke and Liam's chair, pulling Luke's down farther just a tad. Ashton sent me an unamused look as he stared at the chair.

"Sit sit," Dad said motioning to the chair.

Ash sighed and sat down, barely elbows apart from Liam and Luke. At least they were separated.

Let's just add Michael and Calum to the mix, then, it would really be just amazing.

The doorbell rang.

Gosh, I was joking.

"Nope. Nope, leave it." I told Dad as he pushed himself off the table. He sat back down at the table causing me to sigh in relief.

"So. Liam do you go to school with my daughter?" Dad asked.

"Uh, no sir. We met at a restaurant." Liam said moving his chair away from Ashton.

Dad grabbed food from the table, "you're in university?"

"No sir. I'm in a band." Dad hated bands, I didn't think he liked me being one even if he helped me out with.

Luke snorted lightly taking a bite of his food. Luke was an expert on what not to say to my dad. Three main things my dad hates, 1.) cursing  2.) bands  3.) Long hair.

And Liam was batting zero.

At least Luke only was a cursing band member. 

Dad's face looked unamused at the 19 year old failing musician. 

I almost forgot for a moment that the 19 year old failing musician was my boyfriend.

"A band," Dad stated raising his eyebrows for just a second. Liam just nodded, "Yeah we're performing on Friday... I'd love it if you'd come."

"Mate," Luke mumbled almost trying to help him.

"I'll be there." Dad said, "Watching my daughter get signed to a label."

Liam just chuckled thinking he was joking. I was honestly surprised to hear those own words come from my dad's mouth.

"Why are you laughing son?" Dad asked Liam shutting him up. "Think you deserve it more?"

"No no sir I didn't say that. I would of course be happy for her. But I wouldn't get her hopes up." Liam spat out.

"Excuse me?" I asked dropping my fork on my plate.

"No, no. You're taking it wrong," Liam said to me.

"Then what did you mean," Luke asked.

"Stay out of this." Liam and I said at the same time.

"I'm just saying.. that there's a lot of bands performing." Liam tried to reason.

"Oh like you?" I spat.

"Yeah like me." He said back.

I raised my hands up in the air and pushed my seat back standing up. "I'm leaving. I-I can't handle this dinner anymore."

"Yeah walk away like always bitch." Liam huffed standing up also.

"Don't you dare speak to her like that?" Dad said slamming his fist down on the table. Luke and Ashton had stood up as soon as the word bitch had come out of his mouth.

"I think it's time for you to leave mate," Ashton said grabbing his shoulder.

"I think it's time for all of you to leave." Dad countered standing up.

I wanted Ashton to stay, maybe even Luke. I honestly only wanted Liam to leave just for a minute. Just so I could wrap my head around everything. Just to get a breath of fresh air.

But as they all walked out the door, I leaned up against the wall gnawing on the inside of my lip. Liam's words hadn't hurt me, but they were so familiar. They left a bitter taste on my tongue as they repeated in my head.  Suddenly, just suddenly I realized why I liked Liam and why the words were so familiar.

Even if he was the version of post breakup, and not during the relationship , it was the only version of Luke I could find in someone else.

Luke Hemmings turned back to look at me as he was pushed out the door, something Liam didn't dare to do.

[kindahoping4forever]

Tweet link // YouTube link

[spencer-reid-in-a-pool]

Room For Dessert

anon requested- Can you do a smut where rossi has a dinner party but also has his Niece staying with him because her apartment is being fumigated. Her and Spencer hit it off and go at it.

anon requested- smut 54: you better be quiet or everyone is going to know what a naughty little slut you are. and 59: such a needy little thing, aren't you? with Spencer

Contains: fingering (female receiving), hand job (male receiving), mention of pregnancy/breeding kink, name calling, slight degradation, unprotected sex, swearing, sexual acts in a public setting

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had never met my uncle David's co-workers before. He had always talked about introducing us, but it just never seemed to be the right time. It seems that today though, the world decided it was the right time.

He was having a dinner party tonight and my apartment needed to be fumigated. What luck!

I figured I would be staying with him for a couple days, so I packed my things after work yesterday. Now it was Saturday, the day of the party, and time to head over.

I had to admit I was nervous. A dinner party with people I didn't know? Talk about awkward. But I decided to make the most of it.

Once I was at his house, he took me to a spare room that would be mine for the next few days and showed me where everything was. Not that I would remember since we're in a mansion.

A few hours passed and it was time for people to start arriving. As I was getting my party clothes on, I could hear voices downstairs. Guess I should hurry.

Once I was done with my hair, makeup, and clothes, I made my way slowly down the stairs. The voices got progressively louder as I got closer.

A few people were scattered around the immediate area. A dark-haired woman stood talking to a blonde woman over near the far side of the room. Uncle David was talking with an Asian man and a dark-skinned woman by the entrance to the kitchen. And lastly, a well-built Hispanic man sat talking to a blonde woman in colorful clothing and a tall, slightly unkempt man.

I wasn't sure where to go first so I just kind of stood on the bottom step without saying anything. Then Uncle David noticed me.

"Ah there she is! We've been waiting for you. Come on and mingle while the food is finishing up."

At his words, the room full of people all turned their heads toward me.

Slightly taken aback by all the eyes on me, I gave a small wave and a smile before making my way down to them.

"It's nice to meet you guys! I'm (Y/N). Uncle David has told me about all of you."

The woman wearing bright colors made her way over to me first, a glass of champagne in hand.

"It's so nice to meet you! Your dress is to die for!"

She then enveloped me in a one arm hug. I hugged her back and accidentally made eye contact with the tall guy in the back. He quickly looked away. What was he staring at me for?

"I'm Penelope by the way!"

She pulled away and smiled at me once more before making room for the next person.

Emily, JJ, Luke, Tara, and Matt all introduced themselves. The last guy must be...

"Dr. Spencer Reid," he said as he stuck his hand out to shake.

Oh. Oh wow.

Now that I got a closer look at him, I could see why his nickname was "Pretty Boy." If we hadn't been in front of so many people, I would've had to jump his bones right then.

I shook his hand shyly.

"It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you. Aren't you a little too attractive to be in the FBI? How does anyone get their work done?"

Spencer cleared his throat and glanced around the room to see people start walking to the kitchen. The food must be almost done.

"Well, why don’t you sit next to me at the dinner table? I’ll make sure to tell you all about my...work,” he murmured as he made no attempts to hide his eyes roaming my body.

Did-did he just...?

Before I could think anything coherent, he began walking away. He was probably just messing with me. I’m just being stupid.

Still, my legs felt a bit weak as I made my way into the kitchen. They were all sitting down and the only empty seat was next to Spencer. As I approached, he jumped up and pulled out the chair.

“Here let me.”

He gave me a bashful look, not at all like the look he gave my body moments ago in the living room. What is this guy’s deal?

I gave him a small smile and took a seat. He pushed me towards the table and sat down next to me.

Uncle David did his toast thing to be thankful for everyone being here, and then we started dishing up our food. There was so much to choose from that my plate became full almost immediately.

“So tell me,” I said to the man next to me, “What’s it like to be the BAU’s resident genius?”

Spencer glanced at me as he gathered food onto his plate.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that an IQ score or any amount of knowledge makes someone a genius. Not that both of those aren’t high for me, but I don’t like to quantify the term genius.”

He paused for a moment before continuing.

“But between you and me, it feels pretty good.”

I giggled and he smiled at me. He has a nice smile.

“Hey I made you laugh and it wasn’t at me. Maybe I’m getting somewhere with women.”

I traced the rim of my champagne glass before looking at him. I know I’d like to go somewhere with him...

“I don’t see how women aren’t all over you, Doctor. I mean. Have you looked in a mirror?”

Spencer chuckled and smiled, almost nervously.

“I’d rather look at you.”

My cheeks got hot and I blinked rapidly. Oh no. This is it. It’s happening.

But I hadn’t forgotten that look he gave me before we sat down. I hadn’t forgotten the way he undressed me with his eyes. If he wanted to mess with me then I would mess with him too.

I leaned over slowly so no one would notice and began talking in a low voice in his ear.

“What parts of me would you like to look at, Doctor?”

Spencer choked on his drink when I finished speaking. I leaned away feeling accomplished and with a painful twitch in my chest from trying not to lose my shit at him sputtering like an idiot.

But it would seem that karma is, in fact, a bitch.

“How about I start with those pretty tits of yours?”

It was my turn to choke on my drink this time. This earned me a few glances from the people across from me at the table.

“You two okay over there?” Emily asked us, having no clue what was really happening on our side of the table.

Spencer gave me a fake confused glance and then met Emily’s eyes.

“Of course, why wouldn’t we be?”

She shrugged and seemed to leave it at that, turning back to her conversation with JJ.

“How about...,” Spencer began next to me in a low voice so that no one would hear, “We have a little fun?”

I raised an eyebrow at him, not really sure what he meant by that.

He widened his eyes and looked me up and down in response as if to say, “You know exactly what I mean.”

I tried not to smile as big as I wanted to, so I settled on a sly grin in his direction to let him know I was game.

His body seemed to relax in relief almost, something I wasn’t expecting. Was he genuinely interested in me or was he just messing with me because I happened to be here?

I tried distracting myself from these thoughts and started actually eating, since we were at a dinner party after all.

A few minutes went by of idle conversation, although I wasn’t really listening. I responded in short sentences and nods in between bites of food, but my mind was elsewhere.

It wasn’t too long though, until my mind went straight to my thigh, where a hand could be felt slowly making its way up.

Trying not to make it obvious, I turned towards Spencer with a shocked look on my face. He wasn’t even looking at me, he was looking ahead and having a full conversation with Matt and Luke. How is he multitasking this well?

His hand- his very large and warm hand- made its way even farther up, snaking towards my center with a painfully slow pace.

I knew what he was planning, and I was ready for it. At least, I think I am.

His finger brushed against the edge of my panties and he paused. When I looked over at him, he had his chin casually resting on his other hand and was looking at me sideways. He raised an eyebrow to ask me if it was okay.

In response, I took his hand that was so close to where I wanted it to be, and brought it down so that he could feel the wet spot forming just from thinking about what he was getting ready to do.

I think this shocked him a little, so he cleared his throat and looked ahead, picking up another conversation with Tara.

He made his way back to where he was and began slipping fingers past the hem of my panties. They were warm and soft, but still, I shivered.

I tried my best to continue on as normal while people talked to me, but as soon as I felt the pad of his pointer finger stroking my folds, I choked on my words.

No one seemed to notice, so I continued on like nothing happened.

He was teasing me now, touching around my entrance but never going in it. How irritating.

I’m sure he sensed my frustration, since he chuckled under his breath and immediately shoved a finger inside me.

I inhaled sharply, not expecting the force or suddenness. This seemed to please him; at least I’m assuming he was pleased based on the grin that graced his features.

He continued working while he talked, never stopping the motions of going in and out of me. He even began rubbing my clit with another finger while he fingered me. He must be really good at piano. And guitar, for that matter.

It was starting to get a little warm, and my body began reacting to the way he was relentlessly rubbing my clit in hurried circles.

“Spencer,” I hissed so that no one else could hear.

“Hmmm?”

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I believe I’m trying to make you cum on my fingers.”

My breath hitched in my throat as I felt my core tighten. I looked around to make sure no one had heard us. The coast seemed to be clear.

“You’re gonna pay for this, asshole,” I choked out.

This seemed to only fuel him. His fingers began relentlessly attacking my swollen bundle of nerves and they did not stop. Not even close. He only got faster and faster, and I have no idea how that was even possible to begin with.

I wanted to smack the smirk that appeared when I tightened around his fingers right off his stupid face.

His eyes roamed my sweaty, slightly red face and he slowly pulled his hand from my panties.

Spencer then turned back to his plate and picked up the last bit of his dinner roll that was left. He placed it in his mouth, along with the tips of his fingers that were just in my panties. He pushed the roll farther in his mouth so that his fingers were halfway in. Then he slowly withdrew them, his lips never leaving those damn fingers.

“Mmm Rossi,” Spencer began, turning away from me and to the man he called, “These rolls are really good. Did you make them yourself? I don’t think I’ve ever tasted anything like it.”

This time I choked on my own saliva. So of course, I had a coughing fit that drew everyone’s attention to me.

“Oh my gosh, (Y/N) are you okay? Take a sip of water!” Penelope told me in honest concern for my well being.

I finished coughing and took a long gulp from my glass. I only wished it was whiskey instead of water right now.

“I’m okay, really,” I said, holding my hands up in front of me, “Just... swallowed my food too fast.”

This seemed to satisfy everyone so they all turned back to each other, Spencer’s comment about the rolls forgotten.

“That’s what you get for calling me those mean names, princess,” Spencer murmured next to me.

I stayed silent in response. Two could play at this game.

Without hesitation, I placed my hand against his crotch. And it was... something. I’m not sure if he was that hard or just- that big. Either way, my heart skipped a beat. But I didn’t let that stop me.

I slipped my hand beneath the waistband of his pants and made contact with what I was looking for. I felt him twitch under my touch, but his face gave nothing away to the others at the table.

So I started working. Tracing the length of what I could reach, and rubbing along his shaft with precision.

He took in a sharp breath as I made my way closer to the tip, and he quickly cut a glance my way.

I paid him no mind as I continued, making sure to eat off my plate like normal so as not to draw suspicion. Looking around, I could see that most people were finishing up their food, so I didn’t really have a lot of time left. I started going faster, putting more pressure onto his dick as I went. 

When I looked up to check the scene, I saw Spencer gripping his fork with white knuckles. He was holding on for dear life. Good. 

It was then that a few people began to excuse themselves from the table to go mingle some more before dessert. Shit. I had to hurry. 

I kept picking up speed, probably too much to be honest. But it worked. Spencer stiffened under my touch and a warm, wet spot was now forming in his pants, coating my fingers. He cleared his throat to try and drown out the noise he wanted so badly to make instead. 

I took a deep breath, satisfied with my work, and slowly removed my hand from his pants. It was just us, Penelope, and my uncle left at the table. They were in the middle of a conversation anyway. Luck was on my side tonight.

Spencer excused himself in a hurry, and I waited a few minutes before doing the same. I had no idea where he went, so I just had to walk around and find him somehow. We had unfinished business. 

A few minutes went by of me searching the halls, hopefully not drawing attention to myself. And then I found him, leaning against a wall and looking out the window in front of him. 

When I approached him, I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could get any words out, he grabbed my wrist roughly and pulled me into a closet. Spencer shut the door quietly behind us, though I could tell that he wanted to slam it. Uh oh.

“What the hell was that?” he hissed through gritted teeth.

“I was just playing along! Isn’t that what we wanted to do from the beginning?”

Spencer ran a hand through his hair. Oh, how I wanted to do the same thing.

“Obviously. I’ve been wanting to fuck you senseless since I laid eyes on you.”

My heart skipped a beat and the pulse suddenly went down into my core instead.

“Well do it then,” I murmured while gripping onto his forearms. There was enough space in this closet for many different positions. I just wanted to be as close to him as possible.

“I don’t know if you know what you’re getting yourself into,” Spencer groaned while palming my ass roughly.

“Mmm, I don’t care. I’m on the pill, by the way. So I wanna feel you. All of you. Although I have a pretty strong feeling you’d get off on putting a baby in me, Doctor,” I whispered into his ear before pressing my chest against his. I felt his breathing stop for a split second.

“Shut up,” he growled. It seems I pushed a button.

“Make me.”

Without a word and without hesitation, Spencer shoved me against the wall behind me and locked his mouth onto mine.

It was better than I could’ve imagined. And I had imagined it a lot over the course of tonight.

His tongue immediately shoved past the barrier of my lips and teeth, finding shelter in my mouth. The groans that came from him could have undone me right there, so I held onto his shoulders for dear life. His hands found his way to my ass, and he pushed me against his erection. His very large, very intimidating erection. And then all too soon, he pulled away, a string of saliva and swollen lips the only evidence of what had just happened.

“Who said you were allowed to tease me, huh? You've been pushing my buttons all night, and now look at you. A writhing mess underneath me. Such a needy little thing, aren't you?"

I shivered as his words reached my ears. So he had noticed I was already falling apart once again.

“God,” he moaned into my neck as he pushed me against his dick.

I couldn’t help myself- I moaned with him. The friction of him against my pulsing core was almost too much to handle.

“You sound so good,” he growled in my ear.

We stopped suddenly when footsteps could be heard nearby. I glanced at Spencer in a panic and started to move away from him. But before I could, he hastily shoved his hand over my mouth.

"Oh no, we're not stopping. Not when it’s getting this good. So you better be quiet or else everyone will know what a naughty little slut you are. Understand?"

I whimpered against his fingers and nodded at him. He gave me a wicked smile in return.

"Good girl. Now take off your panties and wrap your legs around me so I can feel just how tight your cunt really is. I have a feeling my dick will feel a lot better inside you rather than my fingers.”

With shaking hands, I slid my panties off and kicked them away.

Spencer must have enjoyed what I did because he licked his lips eagerly, never breaking his gaze towards me. Before I made my way back over to him, I couldn’t help but notice how hard he already was. This wouldn’t take long. Less of a chance we would get caught, thankfully. 

He pulled down his pants and boxers roughly, quickly stepping out of them like I had done moments ago. He made no motion to remove the clothes on his top half, solidifying the thought that this would be over quickly. How bittersweet. 

Without another word, I practically jumped into his arms, our mouths meeting immediately and moving against the other ferociously. But all of a sudden, he pulled away, and it pissed me off more than it should have. 

When I saw why he did though, I wasn’t angry anymore. 

He had picked up the belt he had been wearing from the floor, and was holding it in front of me with a dangerous look in his eye. 

“I don’t trust you to be quiet. Open,” Spencer said in a gravelly huff. 

I did as he asked without hesitation, and he roughly shoved the leather belt into my mouth, commanding me to bite down on it. 

Oh shit.

Without missing a beat, he picked me up and laid me down on the floor, extremely gently compared to how he had previously put the belt in my mouth. 

“Good thing you’re already so wet,” Spencer purred, looking down at my exposed core. “Otherwise, this might hurt a little. We don’t have a lot of time.”

Unfortunately, it did still hurt. But God, did it hurt so good. 

[mandos-sluts]

The Visit Part Two

This is Part Two of a three-part series

The Visit Part One

The Visit Part Three

The Mandolorian x Fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 3k

Warnings: Smut, dubious consent, fingering, dirty talk, alcohol consumption, hint of voyeurism, mentions of sex work

Summary: All you want to do is forget about your encounters with Din, so you go out with your friends in search of a quick hook-up to take your mind off of it. Upon seeing Din at the bar, you decide to try and give him a taste of his own medicine.

A/N: Please message us or comment if you want to be on our tag list!! Also we love feedback <3

You awake feeling well-rested. The sleep helped. You don’t feel as bad as you did last night, but you still basically want to crawl under a rock and die.

You can’t focus during your combat lesson with Luke, all you can think about is how much you want to erase the prior day from existence. Sensing your anxiety and distraction, your Master cuts the lesson short.

The two of you walk side by side out of the arena and down the corridor. Your sweating, your hair is a mess, and all you have on is a sports bra and spandex. All you want to do is get back to your room and shower.

You're walking beside Luke, looking down at your feet, barely registering what he is saying to you. You bring your head up and you almost faint at the sight of Din walking toward the two of you.

Panic engulfs you and you feel like turning around and sprinting in the opposite direction, but you’re stuck, stuck walking next to Luke, watching Din stride tall and confidently closer and closer.

“Din!” Luke says cheerfully as the three of you stop in your tracks.

“Hello, it’s nice to see you two again.” Din responds in his low voice as he brings his hand out and shakes Luke’s hand. You put on the saddest fake smile and shake Din’s hand, looking anywhere but into his visor.

“How was your visit with Grogu today?” Luke asks.

“It was great, thank you.”

“Well I’m very happy to hear that.” Luke says as the three of you continue your separate ways.

Your heart breaks at Din’s indifference toward you, and it makes you want to cry. It’s truly as if nothing happened between the two of you. He didn’t get the chance to fuck you yesterday so he went out and got a sex worker, and now, your existence means nothing to him.

Ugh why was he even here? Ever since you were a child the “no attachments” concept was drilled into you. Why is Luke letting this guy visit Grogu? Whatever. You need to do something to get your mind off of the situation.

*************************************

It’s Saturday night and your friends are forcing you to go out. At first you really don’t want to; your experience last night at the cantina was horrible, and you would prefer to avoid it all together. But you sip a few drinks with dinner and have a change of heart.

Instead of dwelling on this horrible situation, you figure that you should do something to distract yourself. Going out with your friends, letting loose, and hooking up with someone else will relieve your tension and hopefully make you forget about your regrettable encounters with Din. Screw him, you shouldn’t let yourself be sad over some random guy who didn’t give a second thought to you.

You decide to pregame the night, and are already quite tipsy by the time you and your friends arrive at the cantina. You look good, like, really fuckin hot. You’re wearing a simple, short, light pink silk dress.

The cantina is not as crowded as last night, but it’s still pretty busy. Your friends grab a table and you walk up to the bar to get a drink.

“Hey, y/n, how you doin tonight?” The bartender greets you.

“Great, thanks.” You say with a soft smile, thinking about what you want to order.

The bartender shifts over and continues talking to someone on the other side of the large Twi’lek standing next to you. “But yeah, wow, that’s really cool. You must get hot wearing all that–”

Just then, the Twi’lek grabs their drinks and walks away from the bar. You turn your head to see who the bartender is talking to, and it is none other than Din Djarin, standing just a few feet away from you. You don’t freak out as much as you think you might, and you have the alcohol in your system to thank for that.

“–Hey, y/n, do you know Mando? He’s visiting the Academy up the hill.” The bartender asks.

You turn to look at Din. “Mando? What’s th– ohhh. I get it. Mando as in Mando-lorian. Clever. Kind of. I mean, not really, but….Later!” You say to the bartender as you stutter your way out of that situation.

Fuck. That was so awkward, you didn’t even order a drink. You're embarrassed, but also hurt. Din didn’t say a word to you, not even a hello. His disregard for you makes you all the more determined to find a hot guy who can distract you from that beskar-covered jerk.

You do a lap around the bar, surveying your options. You spot a tall, handsome boy in a group of guys, probably tourists. Had you not been buzzed, and had that uncomfortable situation not just transpired, you would be very reluctant to just blatantly walk up to a stranger and introduce yourself. But you really don’t care; you know you’re hot and bagging him shouldn’t be any trouble at all.

His back is to you as you make your way to him, he’s talking way too loudly with his frat-boy friends. You gently run your hand down his bicep.

“Hi.” You say sweetly.

The boy turns around and his eyes widen as he looks you over. “Hey.” He says with an eager smile.

You grab his arm and get on your tippy toes, leaning in close to his ear. “Can you buy me a drink?”

“Yeah, a-absolutely!”

You and he walk up to the bar. Din is on the other side, and you notice he’s watching you. You do your best not to look at him, still you can’t help but glance at him every so often, and when you do, his visor is patently on you.

The boy you’re with puts his hand around your waist as you order your drink. “I’ll have a spotchka, please” You tell the bartender.

“Make it a double.” The boy says as he winks at the bartender.

You put your elbows on the bar in order to push your boobs up slightly. Gazing at you, Din observes one of the silky spaghetti straps of your dress fall from your prominent collar bone down your smooth shoulder. You make a point to leave it there a while before pulling it back up.

The bartender brings you your drink and you bring the glass up to your lips. Din watches as the boy puts his hand on the bottom of your glass and tips it upward, trying to get you to drink more. You swallow as fast as you can, trying not to choke as his hand continues tilting the bottom of the cup higher and higher. Din’s fist clenches at the sight of you coughing while some of the liquid falls out of your lips as your mouth overflows with the drink; it dribbles along your throat and runs down your chest. Coughing and trying to catch your breath, you set the drink on the bar as the boy looks at you with a satisfied half smile.

What a dick move. But honestly, you don’t care that he’s a asshole trying to liquor you up, you just need to get laid. In fact, if you’re going to be fucking this pretentious kid, you’ll need to be a little drunker.

“C’mon. Finish this and then let's go dance.” He says picking the glass up and bringing it back to your lips.

You chug what’s left and then, walking behind you, the guy guides you to the dance floor with his hands on your waist. You’re a little nervous as you realize that this area of the bar is closer to where Din is sitting, allowing him an even clearer and more direct view of you. His eyes stay glued to you the entire time you move through the cantina.

The boy pulls you against him and the two of you start grinding to the beat of the music. You can feel the alcohol warm your insides and ease your apprehension. Instead of trying your best to avoid looking at Din, you decide to do the opposite, and stare directly into his visor while you dance on this guy.

His hands are all over you. They make their way from your hips to your stomach, and they dance around your tits, pulling your soft silky dress as they explore your body. His lips are against your hair and he’s mumbling things in your ear that you’re not at all paying attention to.

It’s not too long before you feel his boner poking your ass. You bite your bottom lip promiscuously as you stare into Din’s helmet, the alcohol fueling your staring contest with him. *see gif* You’re relishing in this moment— in the fact that he is watching you dance on this hot guy.

To be honest, though, you really have no idea what Din is thinking or feeling, his helmet and his laid back position don’t tell a thing about where his head is at. It’s not even clear that he’s looking at you, but you can tell he is. You can tell that his eyes are locked on your form.

“Maker you’re so fuckin hot.” The boy whispers in your ear.

Din stands there watching you; watching this guy's skinny fuckin hands roam all over your pretty figure and smooth skin. He watches his hands run down your body and tease your inner thighs, right at the hem of the dress.

Then, Din observes him flick his head up, and turns to see that he is gesturing for his friends to watch. The kid's buddies are standing at the edge of the dance floor, elbowing each other, laughing and smiling, watching the drunk hot girl grind brazenly on their friend. Din looks at the stupid boys. He could kill them all so easily.

As he’s watching them, Din notices a few of their mouths drop, and looks back at you to find the guy you’re dancing on slowly lifting up your dress, exposing your black lace underwear as he nods at his friends and smiles.

Grinding on this guy, you feel slightly discouraged as Din breaks the staring contest to look elsewhere in the room. But then you see him abruptly get up and walk toward the dance floor. You lose him in the crowd, and then feel a large hand grab your upper arm and yank you away.

You trip over your feet but Din's hold on your bicep keeps you from falling forward. He doesn’t even look back at you as he drags you through the mass of people. Most move out of his way as soon as they see him coming, and those who don’t are shoved aside. He drags you out the door into the cold, dark air. Din finally propels you upward onto your feet after he turns into the dark alley next to the cantina.

“Din! What the fuck!” You’re finally able to yell.

“That fuckin guy was lifting your dress up in front of the entire bar.” He informs you in a frustration-laced voice.

“So?”

“So, you're okay with that? He was putting on a show for his friends.”

“….whatever.” You mutter looking down at your feet as your face turns red and shame creeps into your chest. You didn’t even realize the boy was doing that; you were so focused on keeping Din’s attention.

“Pfft, okay, if you’re fine with being paraded around by scummy guys–”

“I don’t need your slut shaming, Din. And speaking of sluts, why don’t you go find yourself one?”

Din pauses for a moment and you can feel the energy around you shift. He creeps closer to you, and you instinctively step back as he closes in on you until you’re against the brick wall, unable to move.

He lowers his voice. “Speaking of sluts, you said you were only one for me. So why the fuck are you letting that guy put his hands all over you?” Din says slowly as he grabs your shoulders and pushes you against the wall.

“Get off of me.” You return, trying to shake free from his grip and push him away.

Din grabs your wrists and slams your arms into the wall by your head, and he positions his knee tightly between your legs, inhibiting your movements completely.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Din purrs in your ear. “Were you jealous seeing me with that other whore? Aww, you left too soon, pretty girl.” He says as he begins rubbing his leg against your crotch.

���N-no...but I will say that it’s very audacious for you— a guest at the Jedi compound— to bring a sex worker back to your room.”

Din scoffs. “I’m not an idiot.” He spits out. “I didn’t bring her onto the estate. She sucked me off in the bathroom and then I left.”

“Well, congratulations.” Is all you can think to say

“I imagined it was you.” Din utters as he brings his helmet just inches away from your face. “Yeah, I imagined it was you on your knees on that filthy bathroom floor, gagging with my cock down your dainty little throat.” He says as one of his hands wraps around your neck.

You let out a whimper at his words, arousal shooting straight to your pussy as he continues to drag his thigh against your crotch.

“And then today, I jerked off the second I got back to my room after running into you and Luke. I couldn’t fuckin help myself, baby. It made me so fuckin hard seeing you like that. It was so fuckin cute how nervous and shy you were. You were panting and sweating, your hair was so messy, you were barely wearing a fuckin thing. I know that’s how you would look after I fucked you.”

His words turn you on more and more, pulses of arousal twitching your cunt.

“And I know that your Master thinks you’re a good little girl, huh. He doesn’t know how much of a fuckin whore you are, he doesn’t know that you asked me to tie you up and fuck you.”

A high-pitched moan flees your mouth, prompting you to take your bottom lip between your teeth as you try to keep it together.

“Come on, pretty girl.” Din growls as his hand slides down to your waist and grasps it tightly. “I said I’d show you how Mandalorians fuck, and I’m a man of my word.”

“Th-that why you hired a sex worker last night?” You say quietly, not wanting to let him off the hook for it just yet

“I didn’t know you were gonna be there, princess. I didn’t even know if I would see you again. I was ready to toss that bitch aside as soon as I saw you, but you fuckin bolted.”

Din moves his hand that was on your throat down to your groin, bringing his knee down slightly to make room for his fingers. You gasp as you feel his gloved digits rub your wet panties around your cunt.

“Come on.” Din breathes in your ear. “You’re dripping wet. You need to get a cock in this desperate fuckin pussy.”

“Ah-I have options.” You counter, trying to hold out for a little longer.

Din scoffs. “That boy in there can’t fuck you like I can and you know it.” He says as he pushes your panties to the slide, exposing your bare, wet pussy to the cold air. Din starts circling your clit as he picks up his head to watch your expression. Your mouth falls slightly open as breathy whines fall out.

“HEY!” You hear someone yell in the distance. “Mandalorian, what the fuck are you doing with my girl!”

Your head turns to see that guy you were grinding on approaching you and Mando. Great.

Just then, Mando starts pumping two fingers in and out of your hole fast. "Ah!" You inadvertently moan out.

“Get lost, kid.” Mando says casually as his arm clearly drives up and down under your dress.

Your mouth falls wide open at the sudden stretch and pounding of your hole, and you try your best to stifle your moans as you dig your nails into Din’s arm. You regrettably make eye contact with the kid as Din conspicuously continues his brutal finger fucking.

“N-no fuck you, we– we were dancing. Who do you think you are taking her from me?” Anger and offense cover the boy's face, pride shaken at the scene in front of him.

Din lets out an annoyed sigh. “If she wanted to go with you, she would. Now get the fuck out of here. Unless you want to watch her suck my cock.”

The guy grunts and turns around to walk swiftly out of the alley.

Din’s pace slows down just a tad, and you’re able to catch your breath. He leans his helmet against the wall next to your head. “Fuck. I wanna break that kid’s neck.” He whispers.

“Ah. You should.” You purr.

Din removes his hand from your cunt and takes a small step back. “Come on, baby girl. Let’s go back to my room” He says. Din walks to the center of the alleyway and then stops.

You take a few steps toward the street. “Okay...let's go.” You say softly, noticing that Din isn’t following.

“Come here.” He says holding his arm out.

Confused, you walk into his arm and he wraps it around you tightly.

“Hold on tight, okay?” He says as he motions for you to wrap your arms around him. Why is he taking you in for this awkward side hug? He just said he wanted to leave.

“Wha–”

Just then you’re lifted into the air, grasping onto Din for dear life as he jet-packs towards the Academy.

TO BE CONTINUED

The Visit Part Three

*************************************

Masterlist

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Taglist:

Permanent:

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The Visit Series:

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[parkerslatte]

Wish That Were Me [part two]

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of cheating

Word Count: 3.8k

Summary: After staying with Y/N for longer than planned, Spencer's overwhelming urge to tell Y/N how he feels is stronger than ever. However as he comes to notice, she may just begin to feel the same.

A/N: There will be a third (and probably final) part. This part ended up being longer than I originally expected and I didn’t want to write the other things I had planned as it would be double it’s length. 

Part One // Part Two // Part Three

MASTERLIST

Requests Open

***

Spencer had stayed at Y/N’s for longer than originally planned. He was only meant to stay for the night but two weeks down the line, he was still there. Y/N didn’t mind, in fact she loved that she wasn’t alone. Spencer, however, was getting nervous. Staying with Y/N for two weeks was enough for his love to grow. It all felt so domestic to him. They woke up and ate breakfast together, they went to work together, they ate dinner together. Spencer couldn’t help himself but fall in love with her even more. To him it was selfish. She had just gotten out of a seven year marriage and here he was wishing that he could wake up and spend all his time with Y/N everyday. 

Spencer was relaxing on her couch as she walked into the room, and an all too familiar cardigan wrapped around her shoulders. 

“Hey, I stole one of your cardigans, it’s a bit cold and all mine are in the wash. You’re okay with it right?”

Spencer looked up at Y/N. The cardigan was too big for her causing the hem to fall down to just above her knees. The colour complimented her skin tone making her look radiant. Spencer’s mouth fell open and closed trying to find the words to say. When he couldn’t find them, he simply nodded. Y/N gave him a smile before slipping down on the couch next to him. 

She sat crossed legged on the other end of the couch. Spencer was glad for this since he didn’t want to be in an extremely close proximity to her, at least not at that moment. Clearing his throat, Spencer went back to his book, although he wasn’t reading nearly as fast as before since he was slightly distracted. 

Feeling a gaze on him, Spencer diverted his eyes away from the words on the page to Y/N who was looking at him with wide eyes. 

“What?” Spencer questioned, repressing a grin.

“Nothing, you just look really concentrated when you read - it’s cute.” Y/N responded before reaching forward and grabbing the television remote from the coffee table. 

Spencer felt like his heart was going to burst at that moment. The words Y/N spoke - she had no idea what effect they had on Spencer. A slight red tinge spread across his face, as much as he tried to suppress it. Spencer was embarrassed, he was nearing forty and Y/N made him feel like a teenager. He let out a quiet sigh before returning to his book, now reading at an even slower pace than before. 

***

It had now been nearing three weeks since Spencer said he could stay a night at Y/N’s. As much as he loved being around her, he felt like he was intruding. A lot of his clothes were now packed away in drawers in Y/N’s spare bedroom and he stayed at her house even when she wasn’t there. It felt as if he had moved in. Spencer had barely been back to his own apartment, only stopping by to collect clothes. 

The rest of the team were beginning to grow suspicious. Everyday the two had arrived together and left together and they rarely left each other's side (which wasn’t as unusual but still drew suspicion nonetheless). Y/N still hadn’t told the rest of the team about James, it wasn’t that she didn’t trust them, she just wasn’t ready. Spencer respected that however he did give her a small push to tell them occasionally. 

No one said anything until Spencer was called into Emily’s office one morning.

“What did you need me for?” Spencer questioned, placing both of his hands in his pockets. 

“I’m just going to cut right to the chase,” She said, “What’s going on with you and Y/N?”

“What?” Spencer exclaimed, “Nothing is going on with me and Y/N.”

“Reid, you know I trust you but you and Y/N, you’ve been acting strange around each other, you more than usual,” Emily began to explain, “If there’s anything I need to know about, you need to tell me.”

Spencer shook his head, he was annoyed by Emily’s accusations. She never explicitly stated it but she thought him and Y/N were having an affair. Spencer didn’t know if he should have felt insulted or not. 

“I’m only helping Y/N with something personal, if she wants to, she’ll tell you in her own time.” Spencer responded before exiting Emily’s office. 

On his way out, Y/N tried to stop him as she had noticed his facial expression was completely contrasting the one he wore when he first entered her office. Spencer brushed her off before sitting down at his desk. Y/N headed over to him.

“Hey, you okay?” She questioned, perching herself on the edge of his desk.

“I’m fine.” He responded bluntly. 

“Are you sure?” Y/N responded, going to reach for his hand but he simply moved it away, causing her to frown.

“Yeah, it’s just,” Spencer wanted to choose his next words carefully as to not offend Y/N, “I think that I should go back to my apartment.”

Y/N’s face dropped, “Oh.”

Immediately, Spencer felt bad. The smile and happiness was gone from her face, replaced with a look of disappointment. He wanted to reach out and grab her hand but he knew that it would only cause even more rumours to fly around.

“I’m sorry, I just think that I’m intruding, I was only meant to be there one night and it’s been three weeks.” Spencer explained.

“I like having you around, it’s less lonely.” Y/N stated, a hopeful expression on her face.

“I’ll come and collect my things later.” Spencer said, avoiding all eye contact. 

“Oh, okay then.” Y/N lingered at his desk for a moment before heading back to her own and started going through files. 

Spencer looked at her and he felt as if his heart would break. She looked disappointed and sad. It caused Spencer physical pain to say those words to her. Of course he wanted to stay with her, even if he left like he was intruding, if she wanted him to stay he would've stayed as long as she wanted. With a sigh Spencer got back to his work, stealing glances toward Y/N all day although she never returned them.

***

Two weeks later, the team were called away on a case. Spencer sat as the briefing commenced, however he noticed that the seat always occupied by Y/N was empty. His eyebrows furrowed, Y/N was practically always here, even when she was ill she would come in and Hotch had to force her to go home and rest.

“Where’s Y/N?” Spencer questioned.

“She called in sick this morning.” Emily answered before they started the briefing. 

Spencer paid attention although his mind was also occupied with thoughts of Y/N. He knew that she was perfectly fine yesterday and it was possible to contract an illness overnight, but he couldn’t help but think that something was wrong. 

Once the briefing ended, everyone got up from the table to collect their go bags. Spencer remained seated. 

“You coming?” Luke questioned.

“I think I’ll stay and help from here, if Y/N needs anything I can help her.” Spencer said. It was mainly an excuse to go and see if Y/N was okay - he knew that Penelope could check up on Y/N.

Emily agreed to it without an argument before everyone left, the team to the jet and Spencer to Y/N’s apartment. On his way there, his mind was constantly thinking about Y/N. There was a possibility that she was really ill but a gut feeling in Spencer told him that she wasn’t. He didn’t know how Y/N would react when he showed up at her door. The two hadn’t spoken a lot within the past two weeks, Y/N spent most of her time with either Penelope or Tara. Spencer felt bad about leaving her at her house alone. He never meant to offend her, he just didn’t want rumours to fly around the workplace. 

When he finally got to Y/N’s house, he rushed to the front door and knocked on it. Thirty seconds later, Y/N opened the door with a confused look. Spencer’s gut feeling was correct, Y/N in no way looked ill. She looked perfectly healthy. 

“What are you doing here Spencer? You should be on the case with the others.” Y/N stepped away from the door allowing Spencer to come inside. 

“I just heard that you’re ill so I stayed behind in case you needed anything.” Spencer explained.

“I could’ve asked Penelope.” Y/N replied bluntly, going to sit down on her couch, Spencer trailed behind her. 

“I know that but-”

“Why don’t you ask Penelope to book you a flight and go and meet the others on the case?” Y/N cut him off, avoiding all eye contact with Spencer.

“What?” Spencer asked, circling around the couch to sit on it, “No, I’m not going to do that, I can help from here, you’re sick so I’m here to help.”

Spencer knew she wasn’t sick but he wasn’t going to ask bluntly what was wrong with her. She was getting increasingly defensive and blunt.

“I’m clearly not ill Spencer, it’s obvious.” Y/N replied, fiddling with the blanket she had laid over her legs.

“I know that,” Spencer replied softly, “But there is something bothering you.”

Y/N was quiet for a moment. Spencer watched her facial features change as she contemplated telling him or not.

“You know I’m here for you no matter what.” Spencer said, shuffling closer to her on the couch, it was then when he noticed what she was wearing over her shoulders. It was his cardigan. Spencer had been looking for that cardigan ever since he left Y/N’s two weeks ago, it never crossed his mind that Y/N had taken it.

“I know,” She replied, wrapping the cardigan tighter around herself. “I just know that if I say it aloud, it becomes real.”

Spencer moved even closer to her so the side of his body lightly brushed hers. Spencer felt Y/N press herself against him a little more so her arm was firmly pressed against his. Her head fell onto his shoulder. Internally he was freaking out. In all the years the two had known each other, they had never sat like this. 

“I saw him kiss another girl, James I mean,” Y/N said, “He looked happier than he ever did with me.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Spencer said, resting his head on top of hers as a form of comfort. 

“That’s not all,” Y/N said, “He saw me, and he came over. I don’t know why he did, there was no need for him to. He asked how I was and I said that I was fine, wanting the conversation to be over. It was until the girl he was with introduced himself. I knew that while we were separated James had seen other women, it should have bothered me at the time but it didn’t, I knew that our relationship was too far gone to repair.”

Spencer heard Y/N sniffle. Removing his head from the top of hers, he looked down. Tears began to pool in her eyes. “Y/N, you don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, I’m going to continue,” Y/N replied, as she took Spencer’s hand in her own, “When the woman introduced herself, I wasn’t really paying attention, I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could. What I did pay attention to was when she said they were celebrating their one year anniversary. He was cheating on me six months before we even split up. I should have seen the signs, I’m a fucking profiler.”

Spencer pulled Y/N against his body as she cried. He cradled the back of her head with one hand while the other rubbed up and down her back. Y/N’s arms wrapped around his torso and her head buried itself into his chest. 

The two sat there until Spencer’s phone rang, knowing that it was most likely Emily, he took the call, still holding onto Y/N. Spencer wanted to get off the call as quickly as possible so he could go back to comforting Y/N, who’s cries were muffled by his chest. 

“And Reid, how’s Y/N?” Emily questioned.

Spencer looked down at Y/N, who by now looked exhausted, “She’s fine, she just needs some rest.” 

Spencer bid goodbye to Emily before all his attention was returned to Y/N. Her cries were now resorted to small sniffles, her eyes were red and puffy from crying and her face was flushed red. But to Spencer, she still looked like the most beautiful woman in the world. 

“You should get some rest.” Spencer said quietly.

“I don’t want to.” Y/N mumbled. 

“Y/N, you should, at least a couple hours.” Spencer said, brushing a piece of hair that had fallen into her face, once he realised what he did, he quickly retracted his hand. 

“Okay,” Y/N sighed, “But can you stay with me?”

“Always.” Spencer replied. 

Spencer, expecting Y/N to head back to her room, was surprised when she gently pushed him back on the couch. She situated herself so her head was rested on his chest and the rest of her body was pressed up against him. Spencer felt his heart beating out of his chest. Her breath fanned his neck slightly, causing his face to heat up. At this point he was glad that her eyes were closed. He wrapped one arm around her waist to stop her from falling off the couch and pulled her closer to him.

Spencer waited until he knew that Y/N was asleep before looking down at her face. In her sleep she looked peaceful, the worry lines on her face were non-existent and a small smile was present on her face. He moved his head forward slightly, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, letting it linger there for a moment. 

Never had Spencer ever thought that he would be in this position with Y/N. To him, he always thought the closest he would ever get to her would be a hug. Now he could feel her entire body pressed against him. Her hand that rested on his chest burned the skin through his clothes. To him, everything about Y/N was perfect, even the things that were deemed as imperfections were perfect in his eyes. 

Before Spencer drifted off into an unconscious state, he muttered three simple words but Spencer meant all three of them, “I love you.”

***

A couple of hours later, Spencer awoke to his phone ringing again. Opening his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the brightness,he grabbed his phone. Y/N stirred on his chest.

“Shhh,” Spencer muttered, “Go back to sleep.”

He answered the phone and offered as much information as he could before hanging up again. Y/N was now fully awake on his chest, however she had no intention to move. Spencer rubbed up and down her spine gently, not even realising he was doing it. 

“Are you okay?” He muttered against her hair. 

“No, but I will be,” Y/N answered, “I just feel stupid. I’m a profiler and I didn’t see the signs.”

“Hey, you’re not stupid okay? Don’t ever say that about yourself.” Spencer said. 

“I just...am I really that unloveable? He was cheating on me for six months. I’m thirty-four and I thought I found the person I would spend the rest of my life with and he found someone new a year ago.”

Spencer gently pressed Y/N closer to his body. He couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. She wasn’t unloveable, she was far from that. For as long as Spencer knew Y/N, he had loved her and he was still in love with her. 

“That’s not true,” Spencer said, “That is far from true, Y/N. You are the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You’re strong, kind and selfless. You are loved, I love you,” Spencer said, there was a small pause, “The whole team loves you.”

Spencer looked down to notice Y/N looking up at him with a small smile on her face. However he also noticed how close their faces were, more specifically their lips. There was only a couple of centimeters between them and it took a lot for his gaze not to drop down to her lips. 

“Thank you Spencer, I love all of you as well,” Y/N spoke, “You’ve all been there for me no matter what. You even stayed with me for three weeks, I love each and every one of you individually,” Y/N paused for a moment to lean up and pressed a small kiss to Spencer’s cheek, “And I’d like to thank you for that.”

“You shouldn’t thank me, you shouldn’t thank anyone, I’m always going to be there for you Y/N, no matter what.” Spencer said, his hand played with the ends of her hair. 

“I think I’m ready to tell the team about what happened between me and James, they deserve to know.” Y/N said.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

“I’m sure.” 

Y/N got up from the couch and stretched out. Spencer remained laying down on the couch as he watched her walk away. She still had no idea how much Spencer really loved her. 

***

When the team returned from the case a few days later, Y/N waited with Spencer and Penelope in the bullpen to greet all of them. Penelope was confused as to why Y/N had returned to work after having an illness but Y/N only told her to wait until the team arrived. Spencer stood by Y/N’s side as the rest of the team filtered through the doors. They greeted them one by one. 

“Y/N? You weren’t meant to be back yet.” Emily said. 

“I know but I need to tell you all something, it’s something I should have told you months ago,” Y/N said before taking a deep breath, “James and I split up six months ago.”

“What? Why?” Penelope asked.

“We just fell out of love, I was here everyday all day and was away for a lot of the time, we didn’t get to see each other much,” Y/N explained, keeping her composure, “The vacation we took was to try and repair our relationship but it didn’t work. The divorce papers came through three weeks ago.”

“Is that why you requested a sick day?” Emily asked.

“No,” Y/N stated, “The day I phoned you and told you I was sick I bumped into James and his new girlfriend who were celebrating their one year anniversary.” 

“Y/N…” Luke said, his eyes filled with sympathy.

“I’m okay, I promise,” She said, “But there’s one thing that I need you all to do for me.”

“Of course, anything.” JJ said.

“Just tell me you love me, I just need to know that I feel loved.” Y/N stated.

One by one, each team member said I love you to Y/N and hugged her tight, of course when they said it they meant it in a friendly manner. Once it came to Spencer however, it was more than friendly. He had already said it a couple nights previous but Spencer knew that she needed to hear it from him again.

Spencer looked into Y/N’s eyes and moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in the crook of her neck, “I love you.”

Everyone standing around the two hugging knew that Spencer meant it in more than just a friendly way - everyone but Y/N. The hug lasted for longer than it should’ve, surprisingly Spencer was the first to pull away. 

“We’re here for you Y/N, anything you need, don’t be afraid to call us.” Tara said. 

“Yeah, and Kristy and the kids are dying to see you again.” Matt added. 

“I know what this calls for!” Penelope exclaimed, “A party at Rossi’s. It can help Y/N get her mind off that scumbag James and it gives everyone a chance to see each other again.”

Everyone looked toward Rossi as he nodded his head in agreement. Penelope threw her arm around Y/N as she let out a cheer. Spencer watched as a wide smile spread across Y/N’s face. It caused one to spread across his own. 

“Spencer, can I talk to you for a moment?” Emily questioned. 

“Of course.” Spencer responded as the two stepped away from everyone else.

“Was James the reason why you two were acting the way you were? Arriving together and leaving together?” Emily questioned.

Spencer nodded, “I was staying at hers for a few weeks, after we went out that night and we left early, she told me everything. I was only meant to stay one night but she didn’t want to be lonely.”

Spencer’s gaze drifted towards Y/N who was laughing and joking with everyone. It was the happiest he had seen her in a long time.

“You still love her don’t you?” Emily questioned.

“Sorry?” Spencer responded.

“You love her,” Emily said again, “The way you look at her, Reid. You don’t look at anyone else that way.”

Spencer looked down at his feet, “I do love her, I always have. I thought that these feelings would eventually disappear but it’s been years and these past few weeks have only strengthened that feeling.”

“You should tell her.” Emily stated.

“What? No,” Spencer said, “I’m not risking the friendship we have over that.”

“Reid, she deserves to know.” Emily said.

“She doesn’t need to.” Spencer shook his head and wandered back to the group. 

Once he made an appearance, Y/N put one of her arms around his torso, pulling him into a hug, “I wondered when you were going to come back.” 

Spencer gave her a smile before looking up and making eye contact with Emily. He didn’t need to tell Y/N his feelings. It wasn’t worth risking his friendship for. However, every minute he spent with Y/N, especially recently, he could feel himself fall deeper in love with her (if it were even possible). Like now for instance, with her arm slung around his torso, Spencer could only pay attention to her and only her. Maybe it was time for him to tell her how he really felt.

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[blush-and-books]

sun's gone // but you always liked this time of day

angsty, hurt/comfort with a happy ending, juke canonverse. title from Place In Me by Luke Hemmings. special shoutout to my dear @unsaid-emily who loves this lyric as much as i do.

warnings: luke is just going through a lot and its scientifically proven that anger destroys brain cells so just be ready

----

Finding out that Rose's death day was on the same day as his mom's birthday was... Not easy, for Luke.

Him and Julie both mourning different things. Both of them felt different things surrounding their mom situations, and Luke knew that his job as Julie's "Luke" was to be there for her. He had been there for Reggie when his dad was leaving home every night to go sleep wherever his mom wasn't, and when Alex's parents turned into apathetic losers post-coming out.

He should be a master at all of this parent shit.

Unfortunately, there's a difference between losing love for or from your parents, and losing that parent to a force out of your control. Luke was used to the tension that was easy to complain about; to criticizing what his friends' families were doing wrong.

From how Julie talks about her, it doesn't sound like Rose Molina was doing anything wrong.

He can't help the way that rage smolders in a deep pit of his stomach. He hates that Julie's sad, and he hates that he didn't have a mom like Rose Molina, and he hates that the universe was cruel enough to give his favorite person such a wonderful mother and take her away before Julie was even an adult.

Sometimes, especially today, he's reminded of the hate he felt for his mom. When he was fifteen and wrote her a real song, one of his first when he started to improve his writing skills, and he could see the twitch in her eye of disdain.

That night, she told him to start looking at jobs. He was old enough, after all.

He went to the closest place he could find - a local diner - picked up an application, and cried.

She didn't care about his art; she didn't realize how his art meant more than anything he could buy with money. What was starting to sting was the fact that she probably would never care. And as he got older, she made it increasingly clear, and...

Yeah. Emily's birthdays were bitter.

Luke was bitter.

Julie was depressed.

He went to see her that day, it was a Saturday, and tried to talk to her. His hand softly ran up and down her side as she curled under the comforter, and when she invited him under the blankets he gratefully accepted the invitation.

Maybe Julie, the girl that made them whole again, could heal this little extra wound, too.

They talk. Julie cries; he avoids it.

"It's just really hard to be without her, you know? Sometimes shit just happens and it feels like a time she needs to be here, and she's not, and I don't know what to do."

Luke misses feeling like that. But it stopped about a month after he left home.

"Well, I mean, I've gone this long without a mom, and I'm fine. You can live without her. You're gonna be fine."

He says it with the same apathetic tone he always uses when he shifts into Emily-mode, and it isn't supposed to be like that, but it is.

Painfully.

And his mistake is obvious when Julie's frowning lips part open in horror, and her eyes are welling fresh with tears that illuminate the red around her irises.

Carelessly, with his eyes wide open, he's torn her apart.

Under the comforter, he feels cold. Even Julie's body next to him feels cold, and-

"Julie-"

"Get out. Please."

"I'm sor-"

"Luke, please- Leave me alone."

When Luke finally sobs, he's alone. It's dark outside and the garage is empty because the boys respect that it's a rough day for many people in this household, but the sadness and anger overcome him until he's opening his mouth to scream and nothing comes out, and when he's so dehydrated that his body is void of any tears, he sits on the couch with a damp face and plucks the chords of Emily's birthday song from 27 years ago.

He tries not to feel the numbing depression very often. But you can only push down such strong emotions for so long before they choose to ignore your fighting attempts.

Julie made it easier to battle the fury he felt towards his mom. That woman will always have a grasp on him, a place in him - probably because he never properly processed it. He's stuck with all of it now. The internal playlists of songs that remind him of how mad he is or sad he is, for him to listen to whenever his temper towards Emily seethes.

Tonight, he doesn't have a choice but to face it.

----

The next morning, there's a note for him.

Please give me the day to myself.

No author claims their identity, but the loopy "y" is a dead giveaway that Julie wrote it, let alone the content. His chest does that shitty thing where his ribs feel as though they are compressing against his lungs and breathing is hard.

He feels like that all day, but he still waits.

But he barely makes it to sunset before he is poofing to the hallway and standing before her bedroom, fist raised to knock.

The sunset was pretty tonight. He hopes she enjoyed it. Her favorite time of day is dusk, when the air only feels fresher because it carries a chill with it, and the world begins to slow down.

Luke knocks.

Julie answers.

"I'm sorry," he rushes out before she has the chance to interrupt or he has the chance to say something stupid. "What I said- That was my stupid, stupid anger at my mom. It was her birthday yesterday." Julie looks surprised to hear this, of course she didn't know, but she doesn't say anything.

"I don't know what it's like to go through what you did. I wanted to support you yesterday, and I didn't, and I know that. My feelings got the better of me, and that isn't fair. And I am so, so sorry, Julie."

She remains still in front of him, but only for a beat. Eventually, she moves aside, wordlessly, and stares at him expectantly.

He takes exactly four steps inside, and plants his feet once again.

"It's not stupid," is the first thing she says. Her voice has a piercing edge to it that he rarely hears, and he hates it, but stays quiet. "How you feel about your mom. Don't call it stupid. I don't think it's stupid."

She takes a deep breath. A tear slips through her lashes.

"But what you said was really fucking insensitive. All I needed from you was to be there and hold me and let me ride this wave, not try to relate or compare our problems. How would you feel if I tried to guilt you for running away because 'at least you had a mom'?"

Shitty. He'd feel shitty, because they are two different situations and she has no right to speak on something that she hasn't gone through.

He answers with that, verbatim. And he throws in another apology for good measure, making it clear that he understands where he went wrong.

"Good. You understand. Thank you."

Her eyebrows twist together. It's a tell that she wants to say something too.

"If you ever need to talk about your mom, you know I'm here for it. I didn't know her birthday was yesterday."

Understanding, he nods. He didn't tell her it was Emily's birthday, because the day was supposed to be about Rose, and then it wasn't.

"Thank you."

The two of them fall silent.

Luke doesn't want to leave, but feels like he should; Julie hasn't asked him to leave, but he doubts she wants him to stay.

They're just two kids with gaps in their hearts, left by the absence of their mothers.

Sometimes - all the time - Luke feels Julie filling that gap. Not as a mom, of course, but as another person; someone to love him and support him and make him happy.

Emily might not ever go away in his head. But Julie Molina, over anyone, will always have a place in his heart, in his head, and in his soul.

She's just magic like that.

So magic that she finds it in herself to step forward, and he is roped in by her gravitational pull, and they're falling into each other's arms.

Luke imagines that if he ever went to a heaven instead of coming back to the modern day, that this, Julie's arms around him, is the feeling that would greet him at that end.

Everything feels better here.

----

tags: @bluefirewrites @lydias--stiles @sylphrenas @wlwcarries @ruzek-halstead @willexx @sirena-de-lunas @babydagger28 @phantomsandsunsets

[karajaynetoday]

i'll be honest, it's better off this way | luke hemmings

image credit 

hello pals! long time no writing! i know it seems a bit weird to post a luke break up fic just after he got engaged but to be fair, I already had this in the works before the news broke yesterday, so soz not soz. It is kind of a happy break up story though... kind of? this one features lyrics from our song by niall and anne marie that are in italics throughout the piece (you know i love a song lyric incorporation lol) and i’m a bit rusty, so any feedback is welcome! a big shoutout to my dearest @notinthesameguey​ for beta-reading this one for me, you’re a gem blanca! enjoy xo

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings:  mentions of a break up and a car accident/hospitalisation (minor/non-graphic)

(This is a fem reader insert)

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

I'll be honest, I'm alright with me

Sunday mornings, in my own bedsheets

The break up with Luke had been easier than you’d first thought. It’d been months of growing apart, feeling like a stranger in your own home, before you finally worked up the nerve to utter those four words: We need to talk. He’d been spending most days and some nights in the studio, and you’d been working overtime at your job too; you were ships in the night who barely had time to say hello and goodbye, let alone have any sort of proper conversation. You’d spent an entire evening rehearsing a script in your head, and as soon as Luke walked through the door and greeted Petunia, you mustered the courage to stand up and speak your truth. 

It turned out that you weren’t alone in feeling stagnant in your relationship, and although you could feel your heart breaking as you said the words, Luke’s hand on your knee was all the gentle reassurance you needed. Just like always, even when your relationship was falling apart, Luke was there for you. And that’s what he promised, that night in the living room. It didn’t make sense for you two to become strangers overnight after 3 years together, but you also both knew that you needed space to grow and heal, and that space needed to happen sooner rather than later. 

You could tell that part of Luke wanted to fight it, wanted to raise his voice, wanted to convince you to stay. But part of Luke also knew that it was time to walk away, no matter how much his heart was feeling like it was being ripped out of his chest, because he did truly love you, and if he loved you, he’d let you go. 

Even though Luke insisted you could stay in the spare room for as long as you liked, it only took a week or so to find a new place. An apartment in KayKay’s building opened up for rent, and thanks to her help, you secured the lease and started moving in as soon as you could. Ashton accompanied you to Ikea and then helped with assembling a new bed and dining table for you, while KayKay helped unpack some of your boxes. You could tell that they were trying to be sensitive, but at the same time were desperate to know what went down in the break up, and after a few slices of pizza and half a bottle of wine, you felt the emotions rushing to the surface.

“It feels dumb to get upset, after all, I was the one who suggested we should break up.” You sniffled, smiling sadly as Ashton handed you a tissue.

“Just because it was something that needed to happen, doesn’t mean you can’t be sad about it. You two shared a lot in the time you were together, it’s only natural that it’s going to take you a while to untangle yourselves from one another and to get your head and heart back on the path that’s right for you.” KayKay spoke softly, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

You knew she was right, and the healing would come; it was all part of the rollercoaster of walking away from someone you thought was the love of your life, but had turned out not to be. Time to adjust and find some independence, and re-shape the life you found yourself in until it was the life you wanted. 

But every time I think that I can get you out my head, you never, ever let me forget

Once you’d completely moved out Luke’s house, your reasons to contact him became few and far between. A few occasional texts to advise that he’d let his family know about your split, and a link to a new cafe nearby that he thought was your kind of vibe (and it absolutely was). Everyone in your friendship group was trying their best to help you both cope, but it was hard to avoid the awkwardness that came with a break up of close friends.  

You felt like you were walking on eggshells for a while, so you started to say no to invitations out. You threw yourself into a new work project, and barely replied to any group chats. Whenever your friends called, you had the perfect script rehearsed, about how you were going to be up for promotion, and after the next month or so, you’d have plenty more time for catching up with everyone. You were fairly certain that no-one believed your story, but you were sticking to it nonetheless. You’d seen photos online of Luke out and about with various beautiful women amongst the partying crew, and even though you knew better than to torture yourself with doom-scrolling through the internet, you couldn’t help yourself. You had to keep reminding yourself that it was YOU that wanted the breakup, and that it was for the best. Or something like that.

It was coming to the end of your big project, and the entire office decided to head out for celebratory drinks. You only stayed for a couple, because after a month of overtime you were ready for bed. Your boss took you aside to assure you that the promotion was yours and the new contract would be on your desk on Monday, and as you reassured him you were excited to take on the role, a song playing over the bar’s speakers made you stop in your tracks. You’d spent many a Sunday morning dancing around the kitchen making pancakes with Luke and singing these words; something you’d completely forgotten until this moment. As you stepped outside to await your Uber, the first person you wanted to call with the news was Luke. Your fingers hovered over his name for a good few minutes before your Uber driver honked and broke you out of her trance, and you settled for texting the group chat instead to share your exciting update. Lots of confetti and heart eyes emojis started popping up alongside congratulatory messages, and you let out a giggle when you saw that Luke had sent a photo of Petunia with “congrats!” scrawled across it in purple font. It was the last thing you remembered, before the squealing of tyres and your vision going black. 

Just when I think you're gone, Hear our song on the radio

Just like that, takes me back, To the places we used to go

The rhythmic beeping of the hospital monitors was the first thing you noticed as you stirred awake. The second was a dull pain across your skull, and the third was that your arm was in a sling. Fourth was the large, warm hand that was holding your own and gently squeezing; without opening your eyes, you knew it was Luke’s. You felt too weak to say any words, so instead you tried your best to squeeze back as you slowly opened your eyes. You heard a sharp intake of breath, before Luke’s smiling face came into view.

“Hey there, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” Luke asked, reaching up to gently brush some hair out of your eyes.

“Like I was in a car accident.” You managed to croak out, shooting him a wry smile and earning a laugh in return.

“You are correct, you can pass go, and collect $200. A pretty gnarly accident, the car’s a write-off, but thankfully everyone’s injuries are relatively minor. Some dickhead ran a red light.” You could tell Luke was trying to remain calm, but under the surface he was pissed.

“Not ideal, but at least I get a few days off work.” You joked, grimacing as you tried to sit up. Luke stood and gently maneuvered your pillows to support your back and shoulders better, and you felt a zap of electricity as his hands brushed your arms in passing.

As Luke sat back in the chair next to the bed, you suddenly realised that it was just the two of you in the hospital room. 

“No offence, Hemmo, but what are you doing here? Considering we’re no longer significant others, and all…” You said awkwardly, looking down at your arm sling with sudden great interest.

“Very observant, dear. Glad to see the concussion hasn’t affected your short term memory, I was worried you’d forget me entirely. You did, however, forget to update your emergency contact details, so I guess I was first on the list for the hospital to call. Ash, KayKay and I have been taking shifts but they’re out getting food right now - “ The rest of Luke’s explanation was cut off by a gasp and a cheer at the door, signalling Ashton and KayKay’s return and subsequent delight at you being awake.

The days that followed were uncomfortable physically, but kind of heartwarming emotionally. You got home to your apartment thanks to KayKay’s assistance, and found that your friends had stocked your fridge and freezer full of ready-made meals and your favourite snacks. They’d also made a roster so not a day went by without someone popping in to check on you, although you noticed that Luke never came by. 

Your recovery was slow but steady, and soon enough the doctors gave you the all clear. At this point, it was nearly 6 months since you’d broken up with Luke, and you could feel your mindset shifting. He was no longer the first person you wanted to call with good or bad news, or the first memories that popped into your head when you needed cheering up. It almost felt like… relief? Because for the longest time, even though you knew the break up was for the best, detaching yourself from one another seemed almost in possible after so many years of so many memories. 

I've been waking up alone, I haven't thought of him for days

I'll be honest, It's better off this way

The tipping point came at Calum’s birthday party, a month or so later. Ashton had invited you out for coffee and nonchalantly mentioned that maybe, possibly, well actually extremely likely almost definitely Luke was bringing a date to the gathering at Cal’s house; a girl he’d been seeing for a month or so. Everyone wanted you to be comfortable, and everyone, Cal especially, wanted you to be there, but they also understood if you wanted to avoid any potential awkward encounters with Luke and his new love interest. You assured Ashton that it would be fine, that you honestly weren’t bothered, and laughed off his suggestion of setting you up with a super hot blind date to help level the playing field.

The night came along, and you found yourself stumbling along Calum’s front path in the dark as you tried not to drop the gift you’d bought for him (a new cookbook and a collection of various hot sauces).  “Bloody 5sos and the “no good party starts until 11pm rule”, you muttered to yourself as you almost tripped over again, and you heard an indignant shout that sounded very Ashton-like behind you.

“Oi! Don’t be mad at us, you know that rule has never let us down!” Ashton bellowed, as he came forward with his phone flashlight switched on, KayKay not too far behind him.

“Damn girl, you like fiiiiiine!” KayKay said, letting out a low whistle. You rolled your eyes, knowing she was exaggerating. Your outfit was essentially a denim skirt and a t-shirt - maybe you’d sexed it up a little bit with some thigh high boots, tousled hair and a red lip, but all’s fair in love and war, right?

The three of you made it inside, and a very tipsy Calum greeted you with open arms and a lot of excitement at your gift of hot sauce. It felt so nice to be back with all your friends at a house party, like the old days, and you found yourself stepping out onto the back patio for a moment of quiet reflection and to share some pats with Duke.

You’d exchanged a wave with Luke when you’d entered the house, but hadn’t quite worked up the confidence to go up and speak to him, especially when he had his new girl in close proximity. She looked really friendly, though, and you could tell from the spark in both of their eyes that their relationship was blossoming in the best possible way. Part of you thought you’d be upset about it, but all you truly felt was content. Content in your life as it was, surrounded by friends that loved you just as much as you loved them, and actually quite proud of how far you’d come over the past year. You’d learned to stand on your own two feet, and you’d grown into a much more settled, independent human as a result. 

You were lost in your train of thought when you heard the song change on the speakers inside. Duke’s ears perked up and he licked your hand attentively when you stopped patting him as the song registered - it was your song. Or at least, it used to be. You felt a smile creep onto your face when you remembered the Sunday mornings of pancakes and singalongs, and the smile grew wider when you saw Luke’s girlfriend dragging him onto the dancefloor, much to his (fake) protests. You made eye contact with your kind-hearted, softly-smiling, gentle-eyed ex-boyfriend, and for a split second you saw a flash of concern cross his face. In response, you raised your glass in a cheers and shot him a wink, which earned a smile and a small laugh from Luke before he turned his attention back to the beautiful girl in his arms. You took a sip, and smiled to yourself. It truly was better off this way. 

When I hear it, I just can't stop smiling, I remember you're gone

Baby, it's just a song on the radio, That we used to know

Taglist: If there’s a line through your name, I couldn’t tag you, so please message me to let me know your new URL or what the go is!   @suchalonelysunflower @blackbutterfliescal @redrattlers @loveroflrh @spicycal @notinthesameguey @metalandboybands @cheekysos @ashton-trash  @another-lonely-heart @queenalienscherrypie  @becihadshawn  @allthestarsandthemoon  @oyesmendes​ @andrianawinchester @333-xx  @findingliam-o @hoodhoran @rbforsmileycal @myloverboyash @myhappylittleyoutubee @saywhatnow07 @secretsicanthideanymore @ar1analara  @killmywildflower​

[shammah8]

RHAPSODY OF REALITIES DAILY DEVOTIONAL ~ PASTOR CHRIS

SAME GOD—SAME TESTIMONIES

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5TH

Insomuch that they brought forth the sick into the streets, and laid them on beds and couches, that at the least the shadow of Peter passing by might overshadow some of them (Acts 5:15).

The Bible tells us in Hebrews 13:8, “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and forever.” Some have wondered if what we read of Peter in the opening verse above is still possible in our day. Absolutely! We see the same miracles and testimonies today because it’s the same God.

The Bible says handkerchiefs and aprons that had touched Paul’s body were placed on the sick, and the diseases departed from them, and the evil spirits went out of them (Acts 19:12).

Similarly, we’ve received countless testimonies of how this very devotional you’re reading—Rhapsody of Realities—was placed on the sick and even the dead, and there were miracles: the sick got healed and the dead were raised back to life! This has happened multiple times in different parts of the world, because this material is from God.

Think about the story of a lady whose husband had died. She said to someone, “I heard that when people use Rhapsody of Realities, they raise the dead in your church. Please come with a copy to the hospital; my husband is dead.” The lady whom she had called took a copy of Rhapsody to the hospital and placed it on the dead body, and the man came back to life. Hallelujah!

You can immediately see the similarity between this and the story of the woman with the issue of blood in Luke 8:43-48: “she heard”, and because she heard, she pushed her way through a teeming crowd to touch the hem of Jesus’ garment and was healed instantly.

The difference is the book Rhapsody of Realities is afar better repository of the power of God in that it contains God’s Word that you can study again and again, rather than the handkerchiefs or aprons on which nothing is written. Praise God!

CONFESSION

I’m a carrier of the blessing; everything that’s connected to me is blessed, grows and multiplies. I’m a dispenser of the Lord’s goodness to my world, the extension and manifestation of His manifold graces to all those I come in contact with today, in Jesus’ Name. Amen.

FURTHER STUDY:

Acts 19:11-12; Acts 5:15 MSG; Matthew 14:35

[suchalonelysunflower]

I’m gonna love you (l.h)

Pairing: Luke Hemmings X Reader

Requested: Yes!

Summary: Songfic based on POV by Ariana Grande. A loving relationship with Luke is all that you need.

Warnings: Puuure Fluff! One or two bad words, mentions of alcohol (almost nothing) Grammar mistakes, probably (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 1.9k

Author’s Note: A small piece for the writing challenge created by @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof I love writing this so much and I really hope you like it ✨ Reblogs, comments and feedback are always welcome and encouraged 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading🦋

My materialist // wanna be part of my taglist?

Anon: 4 the writing challenge, can u do Pov by Ariana grande with Luke?

“It's like you got superpowers

Turn my minutes into hours

You got more than 20/20, babe

Made of glass, the way you see through me”

You woke up when the sun started peeking through the window, slowly shaking you from your now long forgotten dream.

Nuzzling your nose in your pillow, you opened one eye to catch the time on your phone, quickly celebrating that it was still early for you to start your day and that you actually had time to go back to dreamland.

You felt a shuffling movement in the sheets behind you and you couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you turned around and found your boyfriend’s sleeping figure.

It has been so long since you had Luke all for yourself, long days turned into nights in the studio kept him from you lately, making it almost seem like you lived in two separate timelines. However, today was not one of those days. He had longed for a weekend off for months now and now he finally has it.

You were tempted to wake him up, to start the day off early and enjoy every second of it with him by your side. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, one because he really needed the sleep and two, you can’t bring yourself to stop staring at him.

The way the white sheets did almost nothing to cover up his broad shoulders, leaving half of his naked back for the dim sunlight to caress as the sun went up in the sky, slowly rising and falling at the calm rhythm of his soft breathing. Or the way his bleach blonde curls fell on his face, almost covering his eyes, giving him the classic angelic aura that surrounds him with every move he makes. You couldn’t help but to push some of them away to see his face a little more clearly.

Even after all these years that you’ve been together, it amazes you how easily he could leave you breathless.

You watched him sleep and tried to memorize every detail, almost like if today was the last time you’d ever see him. You counted every little mole and freckle, and took in the shade of pink of his lips that were partially parted due to his ability of heavy sleeping wherever he was. His eyelashes rested carefully on his cheeks, bringing a sense of ultimate peace to the whole image.

Peace is not something you get often that it sometimes hurts to know that these kinds of moments were just that: moments, and that at some point everything will have to go back to normal. If you could call this normal, that is.

Oh, how you wished he’d stayed like this forever.

“You’re staring” He mumbled with his eyes still closed.

“Am not” You spoke softly, not wanting to disturb him more “And how could you know? Your eyes are closed”

“It’s my superpower, love” He said, opening his eyes “I can sense everything you’re doing, even in my sleep”

You chuckled as you brought your eyes to meet his, letting out a sigh as you got lost in his sea of blue “I’m sorry, you should go back to sleep. I won’t bother you with my stare anymore”

Luke shook his head, stretching out his arm to you and pulling you closer to him “It’s never a bother if it’s you, my love” You hummed and placed a little kiss to his chest “Besides, what time is it anyways?”

“I don’t know. Wasn’t really paying attention to the time” You said, cuddling up closer to him “I got you for the day, so time is not one of my concerns as long as you’re here. Just wanna feel you close today”

Luke kissed the top of your head “Your wish is my command” He said, drawing patterns with his thumb at the side of your arm until you both drifted back to sleep.

“You know me better than I do

Can't seem to keep nothing from you

How you touch my soul from the outside

Permeate my ego and my pride”

You heard the front door close with a bang, making Petunia jump from her seat next to you to go see what’s happening.

“Luke?” You asked looking over your shoulder just in time to see him walk inside the kitchen without saying hello to you like he always does.

You could tell the stiffness of his shoulders from a mile away and how his haired seemed to be completely out of place. Something was wrong. You got up from the couch and followed after him.

Luke was crouched down with his head almost inside the fridge, looking for something frantically “Are there any more beers?” He called, not acknowledging you.

“We ran out of them yesterday” You said softly. Luke murmured a ‘for fucks sake’ before slamming the refrigerator door “I’ll go to the supermarket tomorrow… Luke is everything-?”

“Yes, Y/N! Everything is fine” He said throwing his hands up in the air and passing them through his curls, messing them up a little bit more.

You tried to say something but he quickly walked past you “I’m gonna take a shower” He said as he walked up the stairs.

You waited exactly five minutes before following him.

As you entered your shared bedroom you found his clothes piled up at one corner. You grabbed them softly and folded them, knowing that he’ll appreciate that gesture tomorrow when things are more cooled down. Then you walked to the bathroom and thanked the gods when you found the door was unlocked. Slowly, you took your clothes off and hopped into the shower next to him.

Luke had his back to you, already so immersed in his thoughts that he didn’t hear you come in. However, he didn’t find it surprising when your arms wrapped around his waist and your head was pressed onto his back.

He sighed as he brought one hand to cover yours “Bad day, love?” You asked. He only nodded “Wanna talk about it?”

Luke stayed silent for a while, but you were in no rush. You knew that he would want to talk about it later on if not now. That’s just who he is, always trying his best to communicate.

Finally, after for what it felt like an eternity, he said bitterly “Ashton was a total ass today”

“Oh?” You asked, waiting for him to expand on his statement.

“He just won’t cave!” Luke said, letting his frustration take over “We talked about this idea for a song and we almost got it ready, but he keeps changing it and saying we should drop it and that it’s not a good idea and-“

“And probably you are both just being stubborn?”

Luke turned around with a confused face “Are you on his side now?”

You shook your head “Babe, I’m on your side. Always” You brought your hand to his cheek, softly caressing it as you spoke “But I know how you can get when you’re tired, and this is not the first time you clash with Ashton for a thing like this, right?” He nodded “You two are just so passionate for what you do and it’s easy to get blinded by that sometimes. Maybe you’re just not hearing each other's views on the song because you’re so immersed in your own ideas that everything seems like an attack. You should just talk it out… and if that doesn’t work you could always challenge him to a duel and fight to the death”

Your comment made Luke chuckle, bringing you a sense of victory as you watch the smile come back to his face.

“How are you always right?” He asked, placing his hands at the sides of your waist, caressing it softly.

“It’s a talent” You said nonchalantly, making him laugh again “Now come, baby boy. You are still stressed and I can’t let you walk out like that. Let me make you feel better”

“You love my lips 'cause they say the

Things we've always been afraid of

I can feel it startin' to subside

Learnin' to believe in what is mine”

You walked hand in hand through the front door, still a little tipsy from the last remains of alcohol that subsided in your system.

You let out a moan when you took your heels off by the door, not bothering to look at them till tomorrow morning.

Luke couldn’t stop staring at you as you murmured something about being thirsty or hungry while walking to the kitchen. He was absolutely smitten by you and he couldn’t believe his luck of having you by his side.

As he walked into the kitchen, he watched with a gleam in his eyes as you sip on your bottle of water, holding your hair in a messy bun while the zipper of your dress was already half way down. It was just a mundane act after a party, but he was completely enamoured by you.

“Do I tell you that I love you enough times a day?” He asked, bringing your attention to him.

“Well, I’m not complaining, am I?” You smiled at him “Why?”

“I just feel like I don’t tell you enough. I don’t know if I could ever tell you just how much I love you and if that will be enough one day”

He walked over to you and placed his hands at your sides. His blue eyes were fixed on yours and you could not -nor did you want to look away.

“When we first started dating I was so afraid to say it, but I knew I loved you from the first moment I saw you. Maybe I should’ve started saying that then, but it still won’t be enough. Would it?” He said, bringing one hand to caress your cheek “I still don’t know how I manage to get that first date”

You chuckled “You were lucky I had my eye on you from the beginning” You joked, making him laugh as well “I still don’t know how are you mine? Why are with me while you could be with literally any person in the world?”

“Because I love you, Y/N” He said, thoroughly convinced “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are an amazing person, lover, friend… You are the whole package and I believe you’re the one settling for me. You are perfect in every way and I love you more than life itself. Why is it so hard for you to believe?”

You felt tears threatening to escape your eyes at his words. Good tears as he made your heart fluttered with love.

“'Cause nobody ever loved me like you do, Luke. Before you I couldn't believe it or see it for myself, my baggage being too heavy for anyone to understand till you came along. Now all that baggage is fading and I know what true happiness is” You smiled, bringing his hand to your lips and giving a kiss to his knuckles “I wanna love me the way that you love me. I'd love to see me from your point of view. Maybe that way I’d learn to love you better than I already do. Cause baby, you deserve the world and I’ll do my best to give it to you”

Luke smiled as he cupped your cheeks and brought you closer to him, lips almost touching as he said “I already have my world right here. I love you”

“Even with all of my ugly?”

“With all of your beautiful. All of you, Y/N” He said before bringing your lips together in a long awaited kiss.

“Now I'm out here, fallin', fallin'”

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

The Hard Things

Doing the right thing is never easy. Calum and Freya have a lot going for them. But what happens when fear gets in the way.

Inspired by I Follow Rivers by Marika Hackman and Starting Line by Luke Hemmings.

Calum X Black Female OC.

I cried once writing this. 7.4k words. Angst. Just angst and sarcasm.

@notinthesameguey is personally responsible for this. So blame her.

The Hard Things--Alternative Ending

Masterlist (on semi hiatus)

___________________________________

If Freya were going to be honest, she would admit that the second she saw Calum and his friends walk into the building she knew things were going to be bad. But Freya’s not being honest. Because being honest would almost include admitting just how too easy it was that day. How if those particular sequences of events hadn’t happened that specifically, then she wouldn’t be here--trying not to watch the quiver in his chin or the way he blinks rapidly. Then she wouldn’t be trying to forget the way his voice quakes.

But they did happen in that particular order. On a Thursday afternoon, he and his friends walked through the door. And here, here at this part, it’s easy to be honest.

Honestly, she is staring--way too hard and way too long at the rag-tag gaggle of people, but especially the man pulling up the rear of the group with a bright red hat snug on his head and covering his eyes, though not even the brim can hide the plump full lips pulled up into a tiny grin at something that must’ve been said. Because another guy, this one fairer-skinned in a hat too and a baggy t-shirt is also laughing. And of course, this group would enter just as Tre stepped away to check on the lanes already throwing. Vanessa wasn’t too far from the desk, but she was trying to help some parents figure out when they could schedule an event for someone’s birthday in the coming weeks.

This only leaves Freya as the only person available right now until rounds were completed to handle any new patrons. With a glance down to the clock on the computer, she could see that a couple more folks would be coming back to the front at any point. But clearly, that point wouldn’t come quick enough.

“Hi,” Freya greets flicking her gaze back up to the group with a quick smile. It’s the training. The fact that more than once she’d been told that customers liked her, especially the way she gave instructions but she needed to smile more. And if this weren’t the job keeping her afloat during her time of getting her degree, in addition to the administrative desk work she did at the university, she would leave here in a heartbeat. Possibly even in the blink of an eye. Whichever was faster.

“Hey! We were hoping you had a couple of lanes for us.”

Freya counts the head. “Just you seven?”

The guy that spoke initially turns the man in the back with the bright red hat on. “Still no word from her?”

The guy shrugs. “Don’t sweat it.” And Freya clings to every syllable. The almost sleepy drawl to his voice lined with a twinge of an accent. She can’t place it at first. But all of them share slight variations in it. The man in the red hat’s voice is low but smooth.

“Yeah just the seven of us,” a taller man pipes in.

“Okay, we can only have two people throwing on a lane at a time. I can put you on neighboring ones but we’ve got very strict rules about how many people can throw at a time.”

There’s a murmur amongst the group but eventually, it comes back to Freya that they’re okay with it. She runs down the safety rules, the forms they have to form out, and checks their IDs. She notices the man with the red hat’s name is Calum and though she knows she shouldn’t, she tries to commit it to memory. It won’t last long. She forgets names all too fast, but she never forgets a face.

“Nessa, watch the desk for me!” Freya calls out as she collects the cases with the axes and directs the party to their lanes. There’s a table for convening and a separate for the axes to rest. “Alright,” she starts with a quick whistle to settle the group. They get chatty but are quick to turn their attention back to her. “I don’t want to kick anyone out, but I will. So one last recap of the rules.”

When Freya finishes, she has the entire group repeat the rules back to her. When they return it to her all correctly, she smiles. “I appreciate y’all already. There are several range officers. They monitor carefully from several posts,” and she points them out as she speaks. “The shift rotates out in an hour. Meaning you’ll have to pause let the old shift go and let the new shift jump in. You’ll hear beeps to signal you to stop and start. If you have any other questions or concerns, you can find me at the front or a range officer. And we’ll be happy to help. Let’s keep all fingers, toes, extremities, and eyeballs intact and we can have a great day together. Enjoy.”

Usually, in her safety spills and best way to throw, Freya makes sure to keep eye contact with everyone in the group. However, she places a purposeful gaze on Calum when she tells them to enjoy. It’s reckless--she knows that. A little flirting hasn’t hurt her. Besides, she knows the moment she walks away, he’ll forget about her. They always did and she likes it like that. Flirty enough to keep good reviews, but never too flirty to insinuate anything more.

In her departure, Freya feels eyes on her, lasting longer than usual. And maybe she put more emphasis behind the swish of her hips and maybe she hoped it was Calum watching her walk away. But she doesn’t dare turn around. No matter how much she hopes in a fleeting second that maybe she had flirted just a little too much, Freya does not turn around to confirm or deny anything.

Back at the front desk, Freya takes a look at the cameras. Anyone at the front can see the lanes too--it’s for safety when you have live blades. Her gaze travels over each one though just out of the corner of her eye she catches the bright red hat. A few guys clasp him on the back but she can’t hear whatever else is said. The rest of the afternoon goes by slowly. As people leave, few come in to replace them. The weekend will be busier--it always in. And Freya knows that soon too, once the afternoon becomes evening things will pick up just a little.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here. Everything okay?”

Freya barely sees who it is talking before they’re out of the door. Calum, phone pressed to his ear. She watches him for a beat as he paces near the front windows of the establishment. Her gaze doesn’t linger long before something on the floor catches her eye. She sees it’s black and square. When she gets closer it looks like a wallet. Clearly used and loved by the creases in it. She glances back up to Calum to see him still on the phone and peeks at the ID just to make sure who it belongs to.

With the blank stare of Calum’s ID photo looking up at her, Freya takes it back behind the desk. She’ll wait until he gets off the phone. A minute or two later, the door chimes again with Calum reentering.

“Hey, you dropped this,” she calls out, stepping out from the desk to hold out the wallet.

Calum pats his pockets and a split second panic causes his eyes to go wide. “Oh shit, thanks. I-I didn’t even realize it fell out of my pocket.”

“No worries. Just glad to get it back to you.” Calum takes it and slips it into his pocket, hands patting the outside to make doubly sure it’s secure. “You guys doing okay back there?

“Yeah, we’re good. Though I think somehow the girls are kicking our asses.”

Freya smiles with a small tuft of laughter escaping her. “It’s power and finesse. You can tear down brick buildings but if you don’t get the release right so it’s not twirling over the axis too many times, you’ll come up with nothing.”

“So says the expert?”

Her cheeks heat for a second at the raised eyebrow Calum gives her. Running her tongue over her teeth to hide the smile, Freya nods. “Yeah, I’ve thrown an axe or two in my lifetime. So I guess that counts as me being an expert.”

Calum laughs. Whether it’s at her or not, Freya’s not sure. But she likes the sound of it. “Tell me what else the expert suggests.”

A moment passes where Freya’s watching his gaze. Wondering if an anime glint will twinkle over his brown eyes because it’s a smooth delivery. Smoother than some of the stuff she’s done. There’s no way he’s fucking real.

Freya takes a half step back, slipping through the threshold that separates the front desk from the main lobby and the hallway to the back where the lanes are set up. “This expert suggests that you try her advice and impress all your friends.”

“More finesse. In the wrist, right?”

“In the wrist.”

A shy smile is shared between the two of them. It borders telling everything and saying nothing at all, borders on giving away on how much Calum might’ve considered concocting a ruse just to get her attention and how much he did backtrack on his plan because it was his sister calling and that shocked him. The smile borders on Freya twirling the Havana twists around her finger and her rolling her eyes at Calum’s thinly veiled attempts at flirting.

Both of them are saved by the front door chiming and Freya gives a nod to Calum before turning her attention to the person now entering. But Calum watches the way she leans into the counter and smiles down at the small child standing next to their parent. “Oh my god, you’re getting so big,” Freya comments and then walks back around to settle next to them.

“No, Fre, I’m not bigger dan yesterday,” the kid responds.

“Huh, could’ve fooled me. Your dad will be out in just a second. Shift change had to wait for one more person. Anything cool happen at school today?”

Calum leaves then, though he can catch the small boy gush about the races he won at recess. It’s probably crazy of him to try and find some sort of way to come back here again soon, but Calum’s already trying to put together an excuse.

When Calum heads back to the front with the group, laughing at Michael’s utter disgust at the way the last few throws went, he does look for Freya. A girl with red hair is sitting at the desk instead. And though a little bit of disappoints settles into his stomach because he wanted to tell her how well her advice worked, he finds himself resolved and it wouldn’t be broken.

******

Calum told himself whatever Freya had to say during this talk wouldn’t break him. Hell, if he were honest, he didn’t think it would go like this. “You know, I used to say I was no good for people all the time,” Calum laughs. He sniffs hard and wipes his noses on the back of his nose. “It was a clean get-away line.”

“I’m not giving you a get-away line. I’m giving you the truth,” Freya returns.

“No, I’m-I’m not saying you’re giving me bullshit. You’re setting a boundary and a good one at that. I respect it. I’m just saying the irony. The same thing I used to tell others is coming back my way.”

“Karma’s a bitch.”

“I don’t regret it.” Calum shakes his head, not because he’s lying. But to emphasize his point.

*****

Calum doesn’t regret going to the Yelp, Facebook, or Instagram page of the business to see if she had liked it or appeared anywhere on their social media. And luck would have it, he manages to find her. The owners like to show off their employees. Their preferred form of employee appreciation appears, in Calum’s investigation, to be a quick bio of new employees along with a video of them throwing. He nearly misses Freya’s post because of his quick scrolls. The bottom of the page comes up quicker than the app could handle and just as the new page loads that he notices it. The thick twists and black lipstick sitting on her cool dark brown skin.

He doesn’t regret it when he followed the account that was tagged, or the message he sent her from his finsta, or the messages they exchanged for a few days. And he for damn sure can’t find himself to regret it when he came back to the place a couple of weeks later to see if Freya was working.

There’s no regret when she smiles at him and laughs. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to test your theory yet again. It worked last time. But I want to make sure that it wasn’t beginner’s luck.”

“You doubt me. You dare doubt me? I’m offended.”

Calum laughs briefly as he leans into the counter of the front desk. “It’s more like I’m testing a theory. Making sure the results can be recreated.”

“Oh, I promise you my results are valid.” She reaches out for his ID and every so gently their fingers brush. Calum can’t tell if that’s intentional or not, but it doesn’t the slight shiver that runs down his spine. “So just you today, huh?” Freya continues on, grabbing a clipboard, some forms, and a pen.

“Just me.”

“Rest of your friends scared.” Her gaze falls to the stack she’s gathering, checking something off on the top page and then sliding the ID back to Calum.

“They’d probably laugh at me if they knew I was here.”

“Laugh at you?”

“Tell me--why do you think I’m here?”

A moment passes between them. Though it takes up more like several seconds, time feels froze as Freya studies his face. Calum wants to reach up and readjust his hat out of a nervous habit. He wants to take it back. But more than anything, he wants to know if he has a shot. If it’s worth really pursuing.

“I think you’re here to test a theory. Maybe, just maybe you’re here because of Vanessa too,” she smiles as it says. Like she knows that isn’t the truth but she doesn’t want to give into Calum.

And while it’s not the answer he was hoping for, Calum takes it. She wants to play a game and he can be down for that.

*****

She wants to reach out for his hands. They sit next to each other in the lounge chairs Calum keeps lined around his pool. But Freya thinks twice about it. The bulbs dangle above them casting an amber hue onto the water, a stark contrast to the twilight pressing evening closer to night’s full darkness. Freya does regret it. She regrets not leaving her teasing response just to testing a theory. She knew what Calum was fishing for, what he was hoping to confirm when he came back by himself.

Maybe it was just where she was then. Then she thought she could give more. Now she realizes she can’t. She likes it when she’s dating someone and they can decide on a random Sunday for errand runs. She likes having them around. And not that Calum wouldn’t be around. Tours didn’t happen all the time. But they did run long. And who the hell knows where she’d be in eight months after she graduated. Her life wasn’t stable--she wasn’t tied to the West Coast like Calum was.

Her life was full of variables. Ones that she didn’t really plan on trying to solve until closer to Christmas in the spring right before graduation. And she didn’t want to give Calum any more false hope. It wasn’t set in stone that she’d be staying in LA and it wasn’t set in stone that she could handle the long departures. Calum deserved someone that was more sure of themselves.

“I think having regrets is no good anyway,” Freya says, finally breaking the long silence between them. “Having them doesn’t change what happened anyway.” But that doesn’t change the fact that you still regret this, Freya thinks to herself.

“I used to believe love could overcome any obstacle.”

Freya turns to look to Calum and catches thhe way the stubble on his chin from the few weeks he’s gone without shaving halos just a little in the lights. “Used to? The right person, the right love--”

Calum shakes his head. “Now I think people loving me means that they love themselves and they can tell me what they want or need. No guessing. No games.”

“Still sounds a lot of a hell lot like overcoming obstacles.”

“But it’s not a dream. It’s tangible. It’s not me daydreaming up in the clouds. It’s me--right here. Right now. Knowing seeing what it means more than anything else that all the shit I was thinking of as a kid really needed just to be put on the ground level for me.”

“What-what do you mean?”

“I mean as much as it fucking sucks that you’re telling me no, I know you’re doing it for the right reasons. I-there’s like this thing with me. I watch people. I don’t walk into a room of strangers and become the center of attention. I don’t like people all that much, but I care. You know? I care about the people I put into my life and I want them to do well and succeed. I want what’s best for them. It’s not always easy to want that, but innately, I do, I think. Deep down I want what’s good for people. And maybe love is doing the hard things, you know.”

He pauses. Freya watches the way he drops his head, fingers threading through the curls. She keeps quiet. There’s something more, something deeper to the words. “And you’re doing the hard thing. Whether it’s for me or not is debatable,” Calum continues. “But I think love is doing the hard things.”

“You said that having some space was important to you. And while I understand that, like you do need to be your own person in a relationship--”

“Your reasons or how you want to justify it to yourself for me isn’t something I need. You already said that you know what you expect and like out a relationship and that the touring would be too hard for you. Set boundaries for you. What good does it do to justify it to me?”

“So you know I’m not being an asshole, Calum. For fuck sake.”

“No, no, I-shit. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant--who are boundaries really for? What do they do?”

“I guess they do protect the person making them. But I’m not trying to be an asshole to you. I swear.”

Calum looks up from the cement of his background lining the pool to the glossy sheen coating Freya’s eyes. They’re black in the settling night. But Calum knows they’re more like a medium brown--dark enough to get lost in them, but when they catch the light just right, they can feel like an enchanting spell sucking him in.

“Freya, you are a sarcastic son of a bitch. But an asshole to those that don’t deserve it, never.”

She sucks on her teeth, swatting at his bicep. “Take that back.”

Calum leans onto his left elbow, closing the gap between them just a little. A smile lifts his lips gently. “Never.”

“We’ve both been burned. Is it bad I didn’t want that again?”

“No. I used to say love is a scam. So I don’t think I’m necessarily the poster boy for relationships.”

“But admit it, you hoped this was the one so you wouldn’t be the odd man out.” His brows furrow at her comment. Freya gives him a soft smile. “Two of the guys are engaged. But all three of them are in a relationship.”

He sighs, gazing dropping from her face. “Maybe I was hoping so. Is it bad of me to want to be in love?”

“No. I told some kids that my boyfriend was Shermar Moore,” Freya admits with a laugh. “I was working at a summer camp and one girl saw his picture on my phone. It was my lockscreen for the longest time. So I just went with it. Well, I was spurred in part because of Drew who was a fucking creep and wouldn’t leave me alone. But I did fantasize about it. Dream of being in love with some famous and the limelight. Shit at that point, I hadn’t even dated anyone either. So another part of it was a desire too.”

“Is that part of it too? Worried about what trolls and whatever will say?”

“Oh, no one who doesn’t know shit about it can make me get outside myself.” Freya laughs but reclines into the cushions of the chair. “But maybe it’s a little bit of it. That’s too many voices talking all about you. It’s a lot of noise and some of it has to bleed through you know. Even if you’re careful and you work not to take it in, some does, right?”

“I don’t think humans were created to be able to handle that much criticism or even love and adoration. Our brains can’t handle it. So yeah, a little bit seeps in. But you keep that door closed as much as you can. You talk to people that also get it. Fuck, you even get a therapist.”

“Or a dog,” Freya says before turning her head to watch Duke laying inside next to the back door.

“And a dog,” Calum corrects.

“Excuse me, you get a therapist and a dog.”

“Tell me something.”

“I’m listening,” Freya returns, looking back to Calum.

“Before you go tonight, tell me the thing you’re going to cherish between us.”

“Will you do the same?” Calum nods at the question but doesn’t respond verbally as he gazes at her.

“Do you want to answer now?”

“Are you leaving now?”

“I-I didn’t think you wanted me to stay.”

“I want you to stay as long as you feel comfortable. And then when you leave, the parting thing we have is the good, the best of us.”

“What if I stay until dawn?”

“Then you stay until dawn. Though, I think it’s safe to say both of us will pass out by 3 AM.”

“That was the most ridiculous thing I think I’ve ever done,” Freya laughs. Remembering the same she spent a Friday night after a shift at Calum’s place. He had a birthday party on Saturday along with a vet appointment with Duke. And then Sunday, Freya had we weekly lunch with her friends that she couldn’t miss. So Calum asked her if she wanted dinner Friday night at his place. Which she said yes to, but then it turned into them doing a movie marathon. Which then turned into Calum betting her that he could stay up longer than her. But they ultimately passed out around 3 in the morning on Calum’s couch.

“Thankfully, I did not miss Duke’s vet appointment that time,” Calum tacks on.

“Yeah, no thanks to me waking you up half an hour before it.”

“That darlin’ is what I call details.”

“No, I call that a very important fact,” Freya defends sitting up. “Duke would’ve been late twice if not for me.”

Calum giggles at her incredulous look. She always got heated fast, though she knew when it was serious things and when it wasn’t. “It wasn’t him paying for the visit.”

“So you ought to kiss the ground I’m standing on right now because you didn’t have to pay anything like a cancellation fee.”

“You’re not standing on any ground right-” the sentence doesn’t get the wind to complete itself when Calum watches her stand up. “Or maybe you are standing up.”

Freya hears him, but she gazes up to the sky. Trying to look past the twinkle of his backyard lights. There’s not much to see due to the light pollution. But the sounds capture her attention next. His neighborhood’s almost been mostly quiet. But with the twinge of the summer’s heat fading, Freya can hear the last bit of people outside. A dog barks into the night and there’s the crunch only tires on gravel and asphalt can give. There’s a hum in the night that Freya can feel in her bones.

It’s hard not to fall in love with the sounds of the night. It’s hard not to romanticize this, how possibly if things were different she could find herself at some point always standing in the middle of this backyard listening to the sounds of the night, having Calum beside her or maybe Duke when he’s gone and just letting herself go to the buzz. In all honesty, Freya craved stability. Always having something to come back was her dream. But in that dream it was a partner who would be there for every dinner. A shared space that was full with both of their presences.

“When you think about coming home what’s there?” Freya asks. “Like, in ten years, what’s in your home when you walk inside?”

Calum closes his eyes, bringing the picture to his mind’s eye. “Like, the truth of what I see?”

“The truth,” Freya confirms.

“Two kids, a dog for sure. Maybe two. A wife. A lot of laughs. Being knocked over with hugs. Maybe a movie that hasn’t quite been paused catches my ears. Maybe it’s summer and my mum’s over too. Because she wants to be around the kids as much as possible. And my sister--she comes over when she can too. So we have to figure out what to cook because it’s a family dinner night. I’m mostly likely in Australia. But I could be somewhere else. Just not LA. I don’t think I could have kids here.”

“That sounds lovely, Calum.”

“But I am scared. My parents divorced. What if it doesn’t work out?”

“That wasn’t your fault. And if we heal from our trauma before having kids then maybe some of our fears won’t come to reality.”

“And if it does.”

“Then we know the boogeyman is real and sometimes we can do our best but things that are meant to happen will still happen.”

“Your parents are divorced too, right?” Calum remembers her mentioning a distinction between her mother’s house and her father’s house. But she hadn’t outright stated that her parents were divorced, just alluded to it.

“Yeah. My dad remarried. He seems happy.”

“What about you? If you closed your eyes and thought about yourself in 10 years, where are you?”

“I technically asked what do you see in your home when you walk inside 10 years from now.”

“Oh, come off it,” Calum laughs, throwing a dismissive wave her way.

“But,” she giggles and then closes her eyes. The breeze blows across her face and she lifts her chin up to catch as much of it as she can. Then she speaks, “I don’t know. Home’s full of the people I love. And I feel stable. I’m not worried about what I’m going to do weeks from now when something inevitably has to change. Because nothing’s going to change. Or at least, I’m not anticipating change. I think that’s what I’m sick of. I’m sick of dealing with change and constantly moving around and not knowing what the next year is going to look like. I’m tired of looking over my shoulder and planning. I just want to be still.”

“You did the whole back and forth between houses, huh?”

“Yeah. I always felt like I was playing two versions of myself when I was younger. I had to be one way around my mother and one way around my father and according to my therapist, the constant games of charade fucked me up a little.”

“How often did you go between their houses?”

“Every weekend.”

Calum sucks in air through his teeth, “Yikes. Yeah, no wonder you want stability.”

“Oh, thank you Dr. Hood. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Well this is a question so it’s not something you don’t know, but is the thought of me being gone for months at a time remind you of that? Like, you’d have to be one way while I was here and then another way when I was gone?”

Freya shrugs. But it’s right on the nose. “I’d have to learn to be with you and then be without you. And all I have are switches. No dimmers. I’m either on or I’m off. And I-I’m working on it. But I’ve got a long way to go.”

Calum scoffs, whispering mostly to himself. “All I have are switches. No dimmers.” It’s not a taunt to her. It’s not him blowing her concern off. It’s recognition that colors his tone. It’s the sigh when hearing something that connects so deeply it takes all the oxygen from lungs with it.

“And I swear to Christ, Calum, if you make a Lowe’s or Home Depot joke, I will extract your ankles from you right here right now.”

“Extract? What the hell?” Calum laughs.

“Broken ankles heal,” Freya returns with a smirk. Her face is lit mostly from above due to continued standing position but Calum catches the way her lips move.

“Remind me to really never piss you off. Between your ability to throw axes and the time you told me about putting ham on a girl’s car, I don’t think I want that kind of trouble in my life.”

“I only put the ham on the car because my friend was heartbroken and she was a cunt for cheating.”

“Yeah, see that’s what I mean,” Calum points out, his index finger swirling in a circle in front of her.

“I could’ve slashed her tires too.”

“I think ruining her paint job was more than enough.”

Freya places her hands on her hips, looking down at Calum. “I’ve got some anger issues too. Did I mention that?”

They laugh but Calum recovers first to speak. “I hadn’t noticed it before. Thank you for telling me that. But in all seriousness, Freya, the boundaries you have make sense. I hope you continue with therapy as well,” he states with a giggle. “But it’s not easy to look back at yourself and realize ‘Oh shit, maybe I don’t want that thing again because that actually fucking hurt’. And do something about it. That takes a lot of strength.”

“Thanks, Calum. And I will continue with this therapist for the rest of the school year because it’s free. Shoutout to some universities for having really accessible mental health resources.”

Freya finally sits, facing Calum. He keeps his gaze averted. But it doesn’t bother her. “What’s the intention behind telling me I can stay as long as I want? Is it to get me to change my mind? Just earlier both of us were near tears and now we’re walking down memory lane. Sharing things we hadn’t shared yet.”

“I want as much of you as I can get before you’re gone. Selfish, right?” The tears are back, she can hear them in his voice.

“No. A bit of your masochism showing, certainly.”

“You ever know something’s bad for you, but you want it anyway? You want the pain anyway?”

“I mean considering both of us are littered tattoos, pain’s not something we’re too worried about.”

Calum wishes he didn’t laugh, not even the short burst of laughter. “Someone’s coping with humor.”

“Someone’s self flagellating.”

“Can I be honest?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t want you to go. But I don’t want you to hurt yourself either.”

“Maybe love is doing the hard things. You said that yourself.”

Calum swallows hard and his voice only comes out in a whisper. “I know I did.”

Freya blinks away the blur of tears. But as soon as they clear, more replace them. Her voice is tight as she speaks. “Doing the hard things suck though. Don’t think this is easy.”

“It’s because it’s the hard thing,” Calum returns. He wants to smile and manages to get a small one but he knows. Freya’s going to leave. She won’t stay.

“My favorite thing,” she starts and Calum exhales hard. There it is--the confirmation. The sentence gets caught in her throat so she pauses to clear it, work the tears down to at least speak. God, why couldn’t it have been easy. “My favorite thing between us, about us, whatever you want to label it as, is that we could also be honest. And even if it was burning waffles or ducking paps to watch a movie for an anime that you had no idea anything about because I wanted to go desperately and you had to Google a summary during the previews, we were always honest with each other.”

“I want to put it out there that you only told me that it was for an anime as I was buying the tickets. So I had zero time to prepare beforehand.”

“I told you the name of it the Monday before we saw it.”

“And admittedly, I forget it the second after you said it.”

“Fair enough, Calum. Fair enough.”

Calum spins in the chair and takes her hand. The first time they’ve touched today. Normally, Freya was more than happy to give out hugs but when Calum opened the front door, she have a half smile and stepped inside. If he could go back to earlier, he’d tell himself that was the first sign.

His thumb passes gently over the butterfly on her left hand. “The thing I’m going to cherish is that you made me feel sixteen again. My entire life changed at sixteen and I felt pretty invincible. I was also scared and excited. I was going to be in a band, like a one with lots of records and I don’t know--I only had that dream to believe in because I damn sure did not have a back up. It was before the downs. And I don’t regret the hard times either. But you’re the first person in a long time that gave me those butterflies. Assumed I was just never going to feel them again and I wasn’t a good person before, not as good as I could’ve been. But you gave me something to be good for again. Getting your text made my whole fucking day. And you-god, you cared about so many things. I bought books you recommended and couldn’t wait to talk about them with you. I remembered the kind of person I want to be. So thank you. For making me feel sixteen again in the cheesiest way possible but also in the best way possible too. That things are worth giving a shit for and that we can let people in and it won’t always burn.”

“Just a little sting.”

Calum nods. “Just a little sting.”

Freya brings his hands to her lips, pressing a soft kiss to the right one. Her sniffle is loud amongst the hum of the night. “If it weren’t for the fact that my eyeliner is tattooed to my face it would probably be running. I’m sorry it has to hurt at all. But-but I’m hopeful.”

“Hopeful?”

“Hopeful that we’ll get what we need out of life.”

He nods again, watching the tears track down her cheek. “We will.”

Her hands gently slip back out of his grasp and she uses the back of her wrist to press under her nose. The tremors shake her hands, so she shakes them before standing. Calum cranes his neck up, words about to fall from his lips. But she cups his cheek and smiles at him. “Don’t. There’s nothing else to say.”

It happens just as he blinks. He sighs, eyes closing to steel himself. Because there’s always so much else to say. And then her lips are pressing to his forehead. It last long enough for Calum to take hold of her thighs instinctively want to pull her in closer to him.

Then she’s gone. His hand slides down the rough denim and Freya’s walking to the edge of the backdoor. Duke picks up his head but doesn’t move much else. “Oh yeah, you don’t need to move. You know everyone comes to you, huh?” She gives him a few pats and scratches. “I’ll send you something for your adoption day, okay, love? And you might hate wearing it or you might love eating it. But be on the lookout for the mailman. He’ll have something from me.”

Calum doesn’t say anything as she says her goodbyes to Duke. She kisses the top of his head too and he thinks she might’ve whispered something else but he’s not certain from his spot on the chair. The swish of the tassels on Freya’s jeans signal her and the click of her heeled boots tell Calum she’s walking farther from him. The latch in the fence clicks and the wood around the hinges creak as she presses into the door. There’s a soft thud as the door shuts and then Calum can’t hear anything over the cough he uses to try and cover the tightness in his chest, can’t see anything in the blurry vision of his tears

She’s just gone.

******

When the front door bell sounds, Calum doesn’t think much of it. It could be a package or someone selling something. So he pushes up from the kitchen table and heads to the door. There on his porch is a light blue box with white bones on it. The subscription box that Calum gets already came. But then he notices an index card with a handwritten address on it. He picks it up. Right there in the return address is Freya’s name. He sucks in a breath and then looks to see who it’s addressed to: Duke Hood + Calum.

“Duke,” Calum calls out, stepping back inside to the house. He closes the door with his foot. The click of paws let him know the old man’s heard his call. “A little early birthday present has arrived just for you.”

He walks deeper into the living room and sets the box on the coffee table. Inside holds an olive green harness, treats, and a card. Calum laughs as Duke presses his snout against the bag of treats. “Alright, alright. I get it.”

Duke happily munches on one of the chews from the bag and Calum opens the card. A different letter slips out into his lap. He can see the ink and lettering pressing through to the other side. His heart hammers, but he forces himself to turn back to the card. “Dear Duke,” Calum pauses to see if Duke responds but his investigation continues on the treat. “I mean, fair enough.” Calum continues to read the card written by Freya, “Even though only the universe knows your true birthday, this card, harness, and bag of treats is meant to mark you sticking it out with your pops for yet another year. To spare you the grumps about a very cute hawaiin shirt I, instead, got a badass harness. Now you’ll be the coolest guy on the block. Happy Birthday/Adoption Day. With Love, Fre.”

Duke, done with the treat, looks to Calum and settles next in front of his folded legs. “Oh, so much work eating a treat.”

But Calum reaches down to gently pats at his tummy. The front of the car is cute, Calum finally recognizes. A cartoon white dog is drawn on it with large pink glasses against a yellow background. There’s no telling where she found it at. Calum looks down to the handwritten letter on printer paper. What would Freya possibly have to say?

Calum hadn’t had the guts to press send on any of the texts he drafted in the three months since they last talked. He wasn’t sure if he could. He is sure that if Freya hadn’t wanted anything to do with him, she would’ve said so, and she wouln’t have sent this box for Duke. His fingers tremble as he unfolds the letter.

Calum,

I figured you heard me tell Duke he was going to get a gift. And I knew I couldn’t not deliver on my promise to him. But I do apologize if it crosses any line. Please let me know too--if it crossed any boundaries.

I hope you’re well. Congrats on the latest album too.

With Love,

Freya.

P.S. I saw you a couple times drafting a text to me but never seeing one go through. And if you’re asking why I hadn’t sent a text either, know it was fear too. And me not being sure if keeping it open like that between us would only do more harm than good. So I’m sorry. But I am here, in the sense that to the best of my capacities, I can try to be here.

*****

Her bag’s slipping off her shoulders but she finally gets the key into the lock and gets her front door open. She sighs as she falls into the ugly blue apartment door and all but flings herself into her place. The stack of mail in her hands barely makes it to the edge of the kitchen counter too. It was just one of those days and Freya couldn’t be mad at herself. Everyone had days like this.

Putting her keys up and getting her backpack next to the couch, she settles into the stools at the kitchen counter to sort through the mail. One’s a bill from the dentist she visited a few weeks back. The one thing her student health insurance didn’t cover. But she couldn’t complain.

There are few junk flyers that she immediately tosses. And it’s her name scrawled in a almost all caps that catches her eyes before she even gets finished with the rest of the pile. In the top corner for the return address she catches the name: Calum Hood + Duke

“Mail from Duke, what a surprise.”

But the real surprise is Calum’s name. It’s just a plain white envelope with a stamp and the city mark it was mailed from. Freya pops it open and sees a sheet of legal pad paper folded up.

Freya,

Thank you for Duke’s gift. The chews are a hit. The harness is much appreciated for our walks. Though, I think they’re more like walks for me. And Duke gets a little exercise in before he tuckers out. But I don’t fault him. No lines were crossed. So no need to worry about that.

I think I like the idea of mailing letters more than I do like texting. But I understand. Doing the hard thing sucks. It always has and always will. Do what you need to for yourself.

Thank you. I wouldn’t normally do this. But there’s a couple songs--they’re about you. I wanted to give you a warning before you listen to it. If you listen to it, I guess I should say.

Best of luck with your last year of school. You’ll have that Master’s in no time and then maybe soon you can take over the Library of Congress like all your evil plans have laid out. (I know, I know. Not what your Library Studies degree does. But I still think you should.)

With Love,

Cal

Freya chuckles at the Library of Congress comment. She picks up her phone and finds Calum’s thread. It’s easy to want to tell him that she can’t take over the Library of Congress and that she’s glad the treats went over well and that the harness was really more of an accessory to make sure Duke looks like a badass.

But she knows--she knows the ease got her into a pickle before. It’s why she stopped things before they got more serious. But was fear going to always predict what she was going to do in her life? Maybe the ease of things was a sign to continue. But if what if things got too far? WOuld be able to handle Calum being gone? Would she inevitably get her heart broken? And sure no amount of contemplation can predict things like this, but she did want to play with that risk no matter how fucking easy it was in the moment.

With a frustrated sigh, Freya drops her face into the forearms. Her phone is still in her grip with the movement. “It’s never fucking easy is it!” she shouts into her apartment.

There’s silence that engulfs her but it gives no response.

[jejecchi]

and she was none the wiser

tears of themis. luke/rosa.

a.n. from this idea i had yesterday about luke really leaving rosa and changing his appearance.

"Luke!"

The tug on the hem of his shirt was not that stopped him dead on his tracks and froze his bloodstream, but it was his name, his old name, spoken in a voice that he had only heard in his dreams for the last one year.

Her eyes were still the same as he remembered, a beautiful pair of emerald that put stars into shame. They're widened upon seeing his face, blinking repeatedly as she realised her 'mistake'. "S-sorry! I got the wrong person!"

He could feel his skin prickling at her voice, lips quivering at the sight of her, heart skipping its beats from how much he missed her. The name of his beloved was on the tip of the tongue, and he chewed the inside of his cheeks to stop himself from slipping. Pulling the corners of his mouth up by force, he gave a practised smile and uttered, "It's alright," in a voice that was so alien to him.

This is all this for her, he reminded himself, nails digging into his palm. So she won't know. So she won't cry. So she won't be sad.

But upon hearing his words she knitted her eyebrows and stared instead of leaving. A mixture of panic and fear gripped his heart in a vice grip. Her eyes were searching, scrutinising—a sword that's cut everything in her path to the truth.

He... he must go. He had to go. From here, from her, from her life.

Clearing his throat, he said, "I... am in hurry. Could you please... let go of my shirt?"

She jumped noticeably and promptly let go. "Ah! I'm sorry once again." Bowing, she turned around, walking away in a hurry, and he had to gripped on his other arm so he wouldn't chase after her, even though he's worried she might trip on her feet by how fast she was walking. It was to ground himself to the path he had chosen, the path of her happiness.

A buzz from his pocket called him back to reality. An incoming call from a certain nagging doctor.

"Luke, where are you? You said you'd be here fifteen minutes ago."

"... Stop calling me that. I am not Luke anymore."

A momentary silence from the other side before the caller said, "Sorry, sorry. I've known you for almost a decade as Luke, so it's hard to switch. Anyway, where are you?"

He sighed and turned around, steps wide and quick. "Close. I should be there in a minute."

.

.

.

She looked back, watching the man she had mistaken before as her childhood friend with narrowed eyes. It was the same. The way he walked was exactly the same as Luke. So much that she was about to chase after him once again.

"But he's not him..."

Their appearance was completely different. His eyes even more so. That stranger's eyes were deep brown colour, a total opposite of the warm coral colour of Luke she loved so much.

Still, a nagging feeling remained in her heart that made her stop and watch, especially after hearing the young man talked. If not for the completely different, she would've been convinced that the one who had stood before her was Luke in a disguise.

The sound of her ringtone snapped her out of her thoughts, and she picked it up. After a few exchanged words, she tapped the red button to disconnect the call, and eyed her screen. It was a shot of her and Luke after they finished an escape room, taken one year ago before his sudden departure for a 'classified mission in another country'.

Shaking her head, she muttered with a helpless smile to herself, "I guess I just miss him."

Her thumb hovered the lock button, but she perked up before opening her notes and tapped on one particular note with a long list.

"Meeting someone who has the same gait as you," she recited what she typed, and skimmed the list briefly.

Passing bar exam. Winning a big case for Marius' acquaintances. New escape room puzzle. An gelato shop that sells unique flavours — we have to try the chili flavour. Funny story from Celestine about chicken.

On and on the list went, making her sighed. There were so many things she wanted to talk to Luke about, so many stories to share, and she's determined to go through every single one in the list once he's back. Slipping the phone inside her bag, the young lawyer continued her walk to her office, all the while wishing earnestly in her heart, I hope he comes back soon.