#i went to one adult i trusted but when i confided in him- he just spouted bible bullshit at me instead of helping me get help

[eternalknoxy]

Going to vent in the tags, feel free to ignore. Or interact I guess if you're so inclined

[designernishiki]

I feel like whatever was going on with majima/mirei/katsuya in the early 90s was some sort of complicated bisexual love triangle situation. like majima is majima and katsuya’s handsome and eloquent and absolutely doesn’t seem straight to me, but on top of that it feels like there was some sort of confusing tension between katsuya and mirei, not sure if it was romantic or one-sided or what but. SOMETHING. I don’t know what the hell was going on with those three really but no way in hell do I believe the romantic/sexual/??? depth ends with majima and mirei

[anghraine]

This is unnecessarily long, but: I was just thinking about Wickham's predation on fifteen-year-old Georgiana Darcy and then, almost exactly a year later, Wickham's predation on sixteen-year-old Lydia Bennet.

There are obvious parallels between the two incidents. In fact, they're so obvious that I think the incidents are sometimes treated as equivalent, with the consequences only differing by happenstance. I don't think that's true, personally.

There are some mechanistic sort of differences—Wickham put a lot more effort and planning into the Georgiana situation. He wanted to marry her for her money and to make her brother suffer. She had to be isolated from people who would look out for her interests, he had Mrs Younge in place, he had known Georgiana as a child and was able to exploit his own previous kindness to her as her father's godson, etc.

And Georgiana, despite all of this, and despite being swept away by a teenage infatuation with an extremely attractive man, was still uncomfortable with it. She was worried about disappointing a brother who raised her and whom she deeply loves and admires. When her brother actually showed up by surprise, she decided to tell him everything; Darcy takes pains to give her credit for this. Adaptations generally downplay Georgiana's active decision-making here, but the only element of chance is Darcy deciding to go to Ramsgate at all. He insists that he was only able to act because Georgiana chose to tell him what was going on.

This isn't meant to be an indictment of Lydia, though. Does she admire the parents who raised her? No. But why would she? Especially why would she admire a father who treats her mother and sisters and herself with profound contempt and no sense of responsibility? Why would she ever confide in him?

It's not like Lydia doesn't confide in anyone. In fact, she too confides in an older sibling, her sister Kitty. And in one sense, her trust in Kitty is not undeserved. Kitty does keep the secret. Presumably, she does this because, despite her occasional annoyance with Lydia, she is very much under her influence and goes along with whatever Lydia does. Regardless, she is trustworthy in that sense. Moreover, we see at the end of the book that Kitty is easily improved by being placed in better environments and taught how to behave. She just didn't know better.

How was she going to judge Lydia's situation correctly? Who was teaching her to judge anything correctly? Certainly not their parents.

If Mr Bennet had bothered to interest himself in his younger daughters and try and influence them for the better, impressionable Kitty is probably the one who would have benefited the most. The whole Lydia/Wickham thing would have fallen apart before it went anywhere if all the girls had been been properly raised, even if Lydia did exactly the same things.

And Lydia likely wouldn't do the same things if she'd been brought up properly and, you know, treated with a baseline of respect rather than being openly mocked by her father, the person most able to affect her development. Instead, at barely sixteen, she's been continually rejected by her father, over-indulged by her mother, and flattered by adult men (28-y-o Darcy says he and Wickham are nearly the same age). And she still tells someone what's going on, even though she doesn't care about her parents' opinions or the consequences of her actions. And she was under the protection of a colonel and his wife at the time, who also could have told someone or acted, and didn't.

It's not that nobody could have done anything about the Lydia/Wickham situation. It's that nobody did until Darcy found out and tried to extract her. But it was, in one sense, too late. To Lydia, he's just some unfun acquaintance who says boring things like "go home to your family and I'll do what I can to cover for you." That is, he tries to do what he did for Georgiana.

But Lydia is not Georgiana—she did not choose to tell him about any of this. She did not want to be extracted because she didn't know and couldn't be quickly made to understand what marriage to Wickham would mean in the long term. And she didn't care what her family thought because she had no reason to, pragmatically or psychologically.

Georgiana, otoh, did care about her family's welfare and the good opinion and affection of the head of her family. But despite their radical differences in personality, the most fundamental difference between the girls IMO is that Georgiana had every reason to believe that disappointing Darcy and losing his respect would be a change from the norm.

Normally he is affectionate and attentive towards her. They write each other long letters, he defends her to other family members, and praises her frequently. Georgiana, quiet and intimidated though she may be, talks more when he's around. Disappointing him had actual stakes for her.

Put another way, the potential loss of his good opinion mattered to her because he's gone to the trouble of raising her as well as he can and forming a good relationship with her. She chose to tell Darcy the whole thing because he had earned her affection and trust in a way that Mr Bennet has utterly failed to do. Even Darcy happening to visit Georgiana at Ramsgate comes from his affection and attention to Georgiana's welfare, even if he couldn't have known what would follow from checking on his sister at that particular moment.

Chance is always part of life, and it's part of the novel and these situations. But a lot of how these scenarios wound out was not determined by chance but by long-existing patterns in these girls' educations and relationships.

[goggles-mcgee]

Harry Potter being smaller than all first years (which we all knew anyway) but twice as feral.

Prefect Percy immediately noticing his small stature and being worried, Boy-Who-Lived or not. So he always offers him more help or just lends an ear. At first Harry is wary of him, no one is nice to him for no reason. Either it's a trick or with his new fame in the picture, because they want something but slowly he begins to trust Percy. Percy feels like a big brother for the first time in a long time. Ron and Ginn rarely went to him with their problems, they preferred Charlie or Bill (he couldn't blame them as he too preferred them but it still hurt), or worse the twins (that hurt worse). They didn't care for his advice. For his knowledge.

Harry was a breath of fresh air....well somewhat. Things he said were concerning and when Percy tried to get an adult to help (*coughMcGonagallcoughDumbledorecoughHisMomcoughHisDadcoughMADAMEPOMPFREYcough*) they brushed off his concerns which was more than a little concerning. So he just vowed to help Harry whenever and however he could. Then Harry somehow made the Quidditch team. At eleven. AT ELEVEN.

----------

Oliver Wood loved his new seeker! He was timid at first but quickly found his confidence! Sure it was on the feral side but that's how Oliver liked his players! I mean, look at the twins! Plus Harry had the perfect seeker build! Though...he was on the small side. But Oliver chalked that up to the lid being literally eleven but when he looked closer he realized that no...Harry was really small. Too small. And Oliver would know, his mum was a healer and she taught him some stuff considering his love (obsession) with Quidditch.

So he pays more attention. And what he witnesses and notices is not...good. it's very telling. He tries to go to some adults about what he's noticed but nothing came of it and that really got him mad. Then out of no where Percy Weasley came up to him and started lecturing him on Potter's health and all Oliver could think was, oh thank Merlin I'm not the only one who's noticed!

He and Percy stayed up well past curfew talking about their smallest cub and somehow it ended up with them coparenting the Boy-Who-Lived. Oliver would be completely honest and admit he didn't think it would be so difficult until the troll incident....then the dragon incident.....then the CERBERUS incident!

Oliver became something of another big brother to Harry and another confidant. So when Harry told him more about what happened at the Dursley's (because Harry never called it home. Never) Oliver was already plotting to kidnap the boy from the house or the station whether Percy thought it was a good idea or not.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Someone is eager to see Mafia Mamma and that someone is me. So anyway.

When a twenty-two year old Steve Harrington gets the call, he isn't in the best spot in his life. Sure, he survived all the Upside Down crap, but his parents finally had enough of his so-called trauma ("the earthquake was bad, Steven, but you can't let that influence your life forever! It's like you're not even trying!"). He didn't get to college and his love life is abysmal, but hey, at least he does something useful now - he's training to be a paramedic and he lives in a small, old flat, regularly calling Robin and his gaggle of kids and hanging out with Eddie whenever possible. So maybe it's not the best spot in life, but it's his.

Well, apparently his great-uncle that his mother never really talked about died and asked that Steve takes over the family business in his will. Family business that is in Italy. Cool.

Look, Steve likes first aid, saving lives and all that, but, after the second shared joint with Eddie, admits he's curious. No one said it has to be forever, but maybe it would help him to try something else for a change. Eddie absolutely approves, squeezes Steve's shoulder, but - a little sadly, it seems to Steve - admits he's going to miss the only person who went through all the shit and stuck around. He even jokes he'll hide in Steve's suitcase and will go to Italy with him. "You know, somewhere far away from the Satanist rep. Well, Vatican is there so that's not ideal, but maybe with no murders and levitation this time, I'd just pass as the weird American?" And without thinking, Steve blurts out: "Come with me."

They land in Italy with almost nothing, Eddie with a beat up backpack and his guitar ("not even death or other fucked up dimensions will us part, Steve!"), Steve with a sports bag full of clothes and graduation pics of his kids plus Robin and Nancy, and his trusted hair spray. He really, really wanted to take his spiked bat, but apparently that would be a hazard on the plane. Go figure.

And of course, the "family business" is full of black suits, guns, rapid Italian threats and on top of that, the other families know that the old head of the family is gone and they smell the blood in the water. Especially when the new leader is barely an adult who looks more like a model than a criminal. And his friend who looks like a criminal? That one looks more like a petty thief or vandal than an actual mafia member. Now is their time to strike.

Turns out, that wasn't the best idea. Not when the doe-eyed metalhead grabs the nearest chair and smashes it repeatedly over the assailant's head while yelling "I-DID-NOT-SURVIVE-BEING-CHEWED-ON-TO-DIE-TO-A-FUCKING-BULLET-YOU-MOTHERFUCKER!" while the new boss reaches for the nearest lamp and, like a bloody ninja, renders three assassins unconscious, then setting down the bloodied rod (goodbye, lamp shade and light bulb) and tells his advisor that he wants a baseball bat, a hammer and a bunch of nails. For...reasons.

They gradually settle in. Steve excels in keeping his family in line by adopting his best mom pose, hands on hips, while sternly uttering "What did we say about excessive violence, Francesco? Hm? If you start there, what do you do when you need to escalate? Why do you start with the worst? And they call me dumb." When his bodyguard cocks his gun and asks who called him dumb and where do they live, Eddie snorts into his coffee. (also Steve later apologizes to Francesco for calling him dumb, but also adds that rules are made to be followed, especially those that save a lot of blood and pain)

As for Eddie, without the academic pressure he becomes and unstoppable language student. He's like a sponge, being semi-fluent while Steve struggles with basic phrases. They study together and Eddie begins feeling more confident, takes up more languages and slowly starts functioning as Steve's interpreter and teacher in one. Also a bit more, when they have to evade another assassination attempt and Steve finds himself laying on top of Eddie, on the ground where he pulled him to save him from a nasty punch, and no one comments on it when they get up a few seconds too late, their lips and faces red.

Eventually Steve becomes fluent as well and that's when Eddie experiences the best time of his life - when they walk together in a market, bodyguards giving them just a little bit of privacy, and someone spits on the ground behind them - "stupid American." But before Eddie can react, Steve throws a bitchy look at the offender and says in perfect Italian: "and you look like a poorly shaved goat, yet I'm not judging."

Eddie howls in laughter and nudges Steve's side. "Careful, Stevie. I might think you don't need a teacher anymore."

Steve wraps his arm around Eddie's waist. In here, surrounded by the bodyguards and his family, he can finally do that. "Maybe not. But I'll always need a boyfriend. Wanna apply?"

[sciencebecameouraddiction]

my own alastor headcanons…

warnings: discussion and mention of abuse, hell, killing, racism

note: i am also getting through my asks. i promise. ☺️

second note: these are just my own head canons. things i’ve noticed, how i write alastor, what plays into why i write al the way i do… etc. purely my own opinion.

- you know the whole thing hurt people, hurt people… at the core that’s who alastor is.

- he was a mommas boy and loved his mom so much

- his father was abusive, physically, mentally and emotionally

- his father would hit his mother and alastor

- many people turned a blind eye, this taught alastor to never trust anyone and that it’s just you for yourself at a very young age

- finally, alastor was tired of seeing his mother upset and hurt so while his father was asleep he killed him. alastor was 13-15 at the time.

- i believe that alastor’s mom is in heaven

- i also believe that she helped alastor hide the body of his father. in the same bayou that alastor used when he buried his victims

- his mom never knew there was anyone else alastor killed after his father.

- after killing his dad, he started down a slippery slope. he liked the power he felt when he had control over someone’s life or death. it was all in his hands

- but alastor has been said to have a unique moral code

- so i think he would kill any adult, but it was those that were distasteful

- the fathers who were abusive, the men who preyed upon women, the women who tore families apart just because, the mothers who were abusive

- he’s the equal opportunity killer and if you’re a shitty person you were on his radar.

- he got into voodoo to help his mom

- his mom got sick, nothing could cure her, he felt helpless, weak, so he turned to something that could help when praying didn’t. voodoo didn’t help either, but it was already too late… you know what they say about power corrupting you and when you make a deal… they stick

- ladies man, little fucking flirt, charming, suave, disarming. you’d want to take him to meet your momma

- he never married in his human life, chalked up to never finding the right girl.

- no one met his momma when he was alive. like girls just weren’t brought, people just weren’t brought to meet his momma. if you met her through alastor, you were very very special to him

- never happened though!

- he had the most gorgeous southern accent when he was a young man before getting into radio.

- he was told to loose it after the first broadcast. so he adopted the transatlantic accent we hear, to be more palatable to white listeners in the south. i mean, he was given an opportunity of a life time “especially for someone like him.”

- he went to church every sunday with his mom until she died. he’s very very knowledgeable about the bible

- just intelligent over all. likes reading, very meticulous, detail oriented, sharp and quick witted.

- he is deep deep deep down insecure. buried under years of acting like he’s the shit; pretending he’s amazing and the self assured confidence needed to be the radio host he was. this only became buried deeper when he went to hell.

- having someone who is supposed to protect you tear you down when you’re a kid does shit to you. (his dad)

[pandagalo]

[PJO SERIES EPISODE 1x08 COMMENT]

What an amazing episode!!

Starting from the RECAP: Poseidon speech as we relive Percy's quest is amazing, not just a montage of what has happened, but actually video editing to tie all together!

Annabeth confused about Kronos, great continuity.

THEY ARE IN MONTAUK. Poseidon is right by his side in the exact place where he met Sally! I know it was for time and budget, but it's a change that I personally L O V E.

WAIT, YOU PUT PERCY'S TRAINING WITH LUKE THERE? AND YOU MIRROR THEM AS IF YOU PUT THE TWO SHOTS TOGETHER THEY ARE POINTING SWORDS AT EACH OTHER. WHAT?!

Fight with Ares check: Percy easily overpowered, he finally has confidence in his powers and distract Ares as he hurts him. Of course Ares thinks Percy is going for the head. Ares thinks everyone in battle wants to kill the other, Percy used his brain and went for the ankle.

GOLDEN ICORE.

ANNABETH'S NECKLACE.

Now to Zeus. That sequence is absolute PERFECTION. We saw kids acting most of the time, now we got two adults that just DELIVER with their perfomance. Zeus is scary, has authority, HE IS A GOD. Poseidon portrayal is such a loving father, such powerful emotions and acting. They killed the scene, I couldn't stop smiling from how good it was.

"DO YOU EVER DREAM ABOUT MOM?"

Now to the Luke scene. Percy figured it out, but this time it was too late. He was already alone with Luke in the forest and was recalling the prophecy. The scene is masterfully portrayed, Luke tries to recruit Percy, only for him to have developed trust in his father, which push him to try and change Luke's plans. But when he mention Hermes, the fight starts.

PERCY APOLOGIZES WHEN HE HURTS HIM. He wasn't being serious, he probably thought it was like sword practice, but this time he didn't have a wooden sword. It's only when Luke hurts him that he understands how grave is the situation.

AND ANNABETH SHOWS UP. Because she had the same thoughts as Percy. She emphasized that they needed CONCRETE PROOF. Something wasn't quite right. She actually followed them with the cap. And when Luke harmed Percy, she understood that they weren't getting their friend back. And Luke couldn't bear her seeing him like that, and he escaped.

MR. D WHAT A SWEETIE PIE YOU ARE.

Gabe wasn't portrayed as abusive and bad as the book, if it was Sally to petrify him it wouldn't have sound right. BUT TO POSEIDON TO DO IT? To send back the Medusa's head, knowing Gabe would have opened their mail? To Poseidon to actually save Sally? (Friendly prophecy reminder: "You will not save what matters the most" in the book is about Percy letting Sally use the Medusa's head on Gabe, it isn't Percy who saves his mother, but herself)

GROVER GOT HIS LICENSE. Well, it's not actually that they never checked the sea, it's just no one ever returned. But probably no one knows it.

In the end, loved the episode and the show. Episodes 7 & 8 REALLY sold it to me. In my opinion, it went from a 7 to an 8/8.5 just because of the last two episodes. I'm really excited about Sea of Monsters, I don't think they will have any problem with the green light for Season 2, as the show is a success and it deserves it.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

ep 3. take your time | myj, jjk

sugar, spice, and everything nice ep 3. take your time.

pairing(s): yoonji x reader x jungkook

summary: Er, how to put this? The previous mission was a total fail. Min Yoonji can't face Jeon Jungkook after being so overly confident in her plans - so she avoids him. Yup. Surely this means she'll avoid his fuckbuddy too, right? Wrong. The universe must be working against her... or is it?

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; pan!f!reader; pan!Yoonji; internalized homophobia; gay panic + w/w sexual tension; best friend!Jung Hoseok visits; minor alcohol consumption; boiled dumpling Yoonji; f/f/m love triangle? slow burn; minor smut (sex dreams); non-idol!AU - Yoonji's POV

--

She did her very best.

In the end, it wasn’t enough.

It was pretty easy to not interact. After all, scheduling conflicts made it difficult to have the entire friend group meet up. Everyone was an adult with their own lives now, like it or not, and they were all at different stages in life. Still, they made an effort to at least meet up in small groups.

Min Yoonji had started making sure that she wasn’t alone with Jeon Jungkook.

She wasn’t sure if she could look him in the eyes without him knowing something was up. He was spacey, not an idiot. Acted like one, ha, but she didn’t really want him to change that.

Turned out, though, that Yoonji had nothing to worry about.

“Oh, Jungkook? He said he had to cancel last minute. Something came up. But, hey, that kid gave me some money and said we can eat on his dime today,” Park Jimin had laughed, holding out some folded bills. “Can you believe that kid? I tried to tell him we were older than him, but he just replied with, whatever, Jimin-ssi. Rude!”

And, well, Yoonji herself didn’t accept invitations sometimes. She was, at heart, an introvert after all, and at times it was difficult to muster up the energy for a social interaction. She used to feel bad about that, but therapy – and her best friend Jung Hoseok, surprisingly – helped her understand it. Strange that high-extrovert Hoseok was the one who insisted Yoonji to stay home and rest sometimes. Perhaps it was because he could easily sense the disparity in their tolerance for social situations since they were so different. She had always told Hoseok that he was rather wise, but smiley Hoseokie had always laughed and swore it was the opposite when it came to the two of them. She always trusted his judgement, or, rather, his lack of judgement. He had always been easy to talk to. It was rare for him to be without a smile.

Jung Hoseok smiled now, hugging Yoonji without hesitation when she came to pick him up at the bus stop.

“Thanks for spending one of your vacation days to come see me.”

That cheerful laugh stuck the air and Yoonji realized how much she missed the infectious, bubbly quality of it on the regular. “Don’t be silly. And, you know, before this I went to see Namjoonie too.” Bright orange beanie, caramel-colored coat, big eyeglasses with a rainbow pattern printed on the inside of the black plastic frame. Hoseok still had his healthy tan complexion but he seemed more built now, which was a little strange since he had always been a slender, lithe man. That hug had some real strength behind it. “I saw my parents the day before too. My mom cooked me a feast even though it was only a few vacation days, haha! So many plates! If you hadn’t been working, I would have invited you to come to Gwangju but that would have troubled you too much. My dad asked how you were too. I asked him how I was supposed to know when I’m stuck at the base?! He’s so funny!”

Yoonji couldn’t help but smile at his healing energy.

They walked to a restaurant with Hoseok doing most of the talking and Yoonji listening, passively beaming at his presence. She had missed him. She didn’t say so, but she didn’t need to. It wasn’t like her to be sappy anyway. Not without a drink, at least. Hoseok knew, anyway. He would tell his animated stories, lightly holding her arm for emphasis, and at the right time Yoonji would provide the exaggerated reaction, causing Hoseok to double over in laughter, his shining eyes getting crinkly and his mouth forming his signature heart-shaped smile.

They naturally settled back into their friendship as if Hoseok hadn’t been away for months for his mandatory military service.

With Hoseok, it was hard to have any worries.

They sat down, ate, conversed. It would have been nice to have the rest of the friend group there too, and maybe they would have a chance to all configure together later, perhaps at a karaoke bar late at night, but for right now it was only Hoseok and Yoonji. She had asked him if it was possible to have a conversation, but Hoseok had set several hours aside instead and suggested to get dinner.

“Something’s on your mind.”

They had half-drunk glasses of wine in front of them. Their plates were cleared now, and they were patiently waiting for dessert. Hoseok leaned back in his chair and smiled at her. A comforting, gentle one. For a moment, Yoonji looked away. A mixture of embarrassment and collecting her thoughts.

“It’s obvious, hah,” she mumbled.

“Hey, only because I’ve known you for so long,” he chuckled, waving away her doubts. “If it was something you didn’t want to talk about for the sake of hurting others, you would practice avoidance. If it was something you wanted to be asked about, you would come for advice but not forget to treat me first.” Hoseok shook his head, smiling warmly. “But, noona, you know you can say anything to me whenever you want, right? You always listen to my worries right away. I want to return the favor, too.”

She sighed ruefully. “It’s not just for you. Me, too. I can’t say something without working up the courage to it.”

“Courage? Aish. You’re a lot stronger than you let yourself know.”

Hoseok was, as always, wise. Maybe without he himself knowing it.

Sure, Yoonji had been able to push through a lot of hardships. Loving music when her parents had been against it. Bullying at school and trying to avoid troubling her parents with what was going on. Rough financial patches during university where she had to choose between one meal a day or going home on the bus. More than once having to weasel her way out of a potentially dangerous situation that involved alcohol and potential harassment.

But none of these things were love.

Intense attraction. Layers of guilt. Daydreams bordering on delusion. Unseen, intangible, and yet unmistakably there. It made no sense. It made all the sense. She had tried to push the thoughts away, but they always came back with a vengeance.

In dreams.

Yoonji bit her lip.

The dreams.

Even just last night. Another dream that had forced her awake with her blankets twisted around her body like snakes, her heart pounding and shivers all over, breathing fast. Often, her dreams resembled a house of cards, stacks of different images, imagination and memory blending. Thoughts colliding, collapsing into each other, and Yoonji would wake up catching bits and pieces but ultimately mostly remembering the last scenes. The ones that woke her up.

Darkness.

A weight over her eyes. Her breath catching as a soft touch traced her inner thigh. Her brain catching up, the weight on her eyes resembling fingers. A hand. An elegant one. A whisper, smokey-sweet, that became lost to the abyss even though the impact of those words lingered, causing an addicting tingle throughout her veins. Pleasure. Warm and encompassing even though it was only between her legs. Familiar and yet unfamiliar because Yoonji knew it wasn’t herself that was doing it, but effect was the same, if not stronger due to the foreign excitement and maybe slight fear too, not because she was exposed but because there was some level of expectation, wasn’t there?

Nervous?

Of course not. Just because she had never done it before herself didn’t mean she didn’t know how it worked. She had seen enough porn in her lifetime.

Don’t let acting mindfuck you into being unable to appreciate the now.

That was true. She tried to clear her head, tried to simply feel what was happening, and that turned out to be easy. Her breath catching in her lungs as she felt soft, plush lips against her neck. Teeth nipping at her throat. A hand over her eyes and another between her legs, stroking her clit and making her hips flinch with the sensitivity, profoundly aware of how slippery those fingertips were against hot, wet skin, electricity crawling over her chest, short on air, and then.

The hand lifted.

Scorched eyes close, darker with desire.

She couldn’t look away, even as she felt another pair of hands against her side, kneading her thigh and up her torso. Afraid? Shook her head, too nervous to speak and then she saw the tousle of black hair, the two lip rings punctured into the right side of a lower lip graced with a small mole under the center of them.

Her head jerked and Jeon Jungkook grinned back at her, his naked chest glistening with sweat.

Last night, once again, Yoonji had been jolted awake by the shock.

“Hoseok, I…”

Guiltily, she looked up, into inquisitive, bright brown eyes behind lenses framed by black and rainbow colors.

“I think I might do something stupid, and it involves a girl.”

-

The roar of the train tried to deafen her thoughts.

Unfortunately, Yoonji’s mind was a persistent bitch.

Hmph.

Despite it all, she couldn’t even begin to confront the tumultuous whispers within. It was a not-so-complicated problem with a simple solution, as long as emotions weren’t factored into it. As long as daydreams of day dates and nightmares of lost nights weren’t factored into it. As long as Yoonji didn’t sit on the subway using every minute to analyze every tick of the head and struggle to recall exactly how those fingers fell upon each object held, she’d be fine.

She simply couldn’t bring herself to let go.

Yoonji sat against the window, headphones in, clutching her phone as if she was scrolling, but all she could see was the unfairness of life and its impossible choices. Her music had paused. At the moment she didn’t notice for, once again, she was mulling over Hoseok’s words. Not much had changed since her best friend had provided her a listening ear. After some time and more wine, they had chosen to walk along the streets, reminiscing with each step, but then eventually Hoseok brought up the subject again.

“I don’t ever want to see you sad, noona.”

“That’s literally impossible. Sad shit happens all the time.”

“I know it’s impossible,” Hoseok had laughed, and then sighed softly. His cheeks were still rosy from drinking. “I know it’s impossible, but I can’t be your friend and not wish that. As your friend, I’m always on your side, yet I’m no problem-solver either. You were always better at that.”

Yoonji had snorted even though it was unwomanly.

Hoseok had chuckled, not minding it. “There are no right answers in life, remember? You told me that a long time ago when I was having a hard time.” Like waves, her words drifted back to shore. “Life isn’t meant to have correct answers. Life is meant to live.”

Then why did it have to be so fucking complicated?

Of course it would be logical and lovely to stay silent and distant. Of course it would be reckless and exciting to get closer to the flame even with the foreboding threat of trampled sandcastles and broken hearts. Was it better to burned and better for it, or burned into ashes with nothing but the smoke of regret? It would be so much easier living in a vacuum without knowing other people could be affected by her choices, but love was not that kind of space, no matter how vast and endless it seemed. Yoonji chewed the side of her lip, focusing on the tug of velocity from the moving train underneath, searching for the physical sensation to ground her. The train slowed, yet she couldn’t help but be jolted by the stop nonetheless. People filtered out. People filtered in. The crackling announcement overhead murmured out warnings no one quite listened to but everybody knew. Stay away from the doors when they close, keep track of one’s belongings, those standing should hold on as the train begins to move. Next stop was–

Yoonji felt the air being sucked out of her lungs.

If love was not the vacuum of space, then why couldn’t she breathe now?

She looked away quickly. The image had already burned into her memory. Between the business suits and the trendy streetwear stood the instigator of all her current conflicts. Tousled hair, tight little black top, red plaid miniskirt. Oversized leather jacket over her shoulders. The woman leaned against the wall with a relaxed stance. Not a care in the world. What is she doing here? It was quite late but not so late for the drunkards and creeps to crawl out onto the streets. Yoonji, well, she had been working late taking over a shift for a vacationing co-worker. Although the shop wasn’t open late, she had been busy doing repairs. She noticed the heavy black boots and torn fishnets out of the corner of her eye. Her eyes flickered up and she saw something sticking out of the inside pocket of the leather jacket. A swaying black strap with a grey flame, hanging off a shiny black plastic rod with mother-of-pearl accents.

A lightstick?

She froze up as she felt the burn of scorched eyes.

Looked up and Jeon Jungkook’s girlfriend was staring back at her.

Maybe?

The train slowed.

The ricochet in Yoonji’s ribcage ramped up in speed and intensity as she realized people filtering out, people filtering in, and one gliding towards her. She kept telling herself they hadn’t locked eyes, even right up to the moment that she had a good view of that manicured hand, black with red glitter, wrapping around the train strap in front of her.

“Oh, hey.”

A wry smile and light bow.

The politeness both confused and flustered Yoonji. She sat in her seat, the others next to her indifferent to the mild confrontation that was shattering her composure.

“Ah… hi,” was the best Yoonji had.

The harsh overhead train lighting made the tangle of silver necklaces in front of her face gleam and sparkle. She tried not to look, because that would mean staring at another woman’s chest, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at that face either. She tried to appear nonchalant, except she forgot what that even meant.

“Hey, about last time we met,” she heard above her. Soft, silky, and smokey. “I wanted to apologize.”

They were close enough for Yoonji to smell the remnants of a heavy, sweet, boozy fragrance. It filled her lungs and made blood thunder in her ears. She couldn’t, for the life of her, recall what an apology was needed for. Although, she couldn’t form any coherent thoughts right now.

“A… Ah.” Yoonji shifted her eyes. “For what?”

“For being a dick, heh.”

She glanced up.

One of the woman’s arms was in her jacket, the one that was holding onto the train strap. The other was tucked behind her back, causing her hips to angle out a bit from the jacket, towards Yoonji. She had fantastic legs. Not that Yoonji was looking or anything. The other woman cleared her throat a bit and looked sheepish.

“I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was rude of me to pick you apart like that.”

That day in the café seemed like it happened ages ago. “Oh… I haven’t thought about it that way,” Yoonji confessed. She looked down, feeling a little bit ashamed. “You weren’t entirely wrong. I just didn’t want to admit it then.”

“Hmmm.” A brief pause. “The date didn’t go well, then?”

Her hands clasped together. She tried to chuckle to let out the tension. “Hah… You were right that there wasn’t one. The purpose was more to…” Yoonji trailed off. She didn’t know what to say now. Her eyes cautiously flicked upward. Those dark orbs looked down in return, so shadowed they seemed almost black. Burned. An eyebrow raised.

“You really were trying to scope me out, then.”

Yoonji felt her insides wince. “I’m sorry myself.”

A light scoff. “Don’t be. I get it. I give off that vibe, huh?”

There wasn’t a good response to that. She glanced again at the lightstick inside the woman’s jacket. “Did you go to a concert?”

That observant gaze followed hers. “Ah, yeah.” She tucked her head down, and Yoonji noticed the black belt around her waist now. “I try to keep everything on me. Essentials only.” There must be a leather pouch attached to her waist, then. That was why she was keeping a hand on her back.  “Since I go to these events alone.”

She couldn’t help but ask. “Why alone?”

The other woman mused with a pensive expression. “I guess I don’t have many friends that are into the same music I am into. Besides, there’s no stress of looking silly when you’re by yourself. You can enjoy however you like without considering others.”

“That’s just how you are?”

Those scorched eyes locked with Yoonji’s.

“That’s how I’m made to be.”

The sounds around her sounded all muffled. The people around her seemed not all there. She looked upwards with her heart aflutter, her thoughts racing, goosebumps popping up under her hoodie and jeans as Jeon Jungkook’s sort-of, kind-of, definitely-so-damn-hot girlfriend tilted her head at her, and Yoonji wondered why she couldn’t be the cool one, the smooth one, anything but the timid one.

“What brings you out so late?” that hazy, calm voice asked.

“Work,” was all Yoonji could manage.

An understanding nod. “Ah. Must be difficult.”

Not as difficult as this. “When are you getting off?”

The other woman raised her head and looked up to the LED sign. “Hmm, dunno.”

“You don’t know?” Yoonji furrowed her brows. “What do you mean by that?”

“I feel like wandering around,” was the lackadaisical answer. “Are you crazy?” She straightened, frowning. “You can’t go wandering around at this hour.”

A striking gaze under lashes. “You worried about little ol’ me?”

She scowled. “That’s simply common sense.”

It happened so fast that she couldn’t react. In a swish of leather and chains, that teasing face was suddenly centimeters from Yoonji’s. Eye-to-eye and inescapable. The layered scent of her perfume became more intense, sweet and heavy and boozy, reminding her of Friday nights and bad decisions. That smirk was as annoying as it was arousing, and immediately after thinking that Yoonji wanted to unthink that, but it was too late and she was too fucked.

“Don’t pretend like you want to take responsibility for someone like me.” Her soft breath brushed against Yoonji’s lips. “You don’t like me that much.”

The other woman winked.

She fucking winked.

And as soon as the interaction started, it ended. She stood back up, letting out a soft sigh as she took her perfume away from Yoonji. She glanced at the doors as the train was slowing down again, not saying anything more. It was an ominous comment with an ominous connotation. Unsettling. Definitely dangerous. Borderline infuriating.

No.

Actually infuriating.

“Hey.”

The woman was about to back up, her lips parting, but Yoonji twisted her knee and hooked her leg around the back of those shapely calves, locking her in place. People around them hurried to their destinations, not looking down at their feet, not noticing the shot of tension and challenge between two women. Not that they would know the history between them. It could easily be interpreted as Yoonji helping her friend stabilize from the jerky train.

Those dark eyes darkened.

Yoonji frowned back, not backing down.

The crackly announcement flitted overhead. The train doors closed in unison. The train started again.

“I can’t let you do that,” she said tightly, unsure what the fuck she was doing.

A tilt of the head.

“And why’s that, Min Yoonji?”

There was a low purr in that question. It must be her imagination. She tried not to think about how her heart was doing backflips and quaking in terror from hearing her full name like that.

“I can’t in good conscience let you be so careless.”

They were at a standoff now.

Those berry-stained lips curved into a smirk.

“So your very good, respectable conscience is why you want to interfere?”

Yoonji relaxed her leg. They hadn’t been skin-to-skin because of her jeans, which was a good and bad thing. It was impossible to take a deep breath without being obvious, so she simply didn’t. She didn’t entirely back off though. She should have pulled her leg back. Her little stunt had made those boots take a step forward, nearly colliding with Yoonji’s other knee.

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

Strangely, Jungkook’s fuckbuddy didn’t back off.

“Oh, but that’s how you’re acting.”

No, she wasn’t. “I’m not.”

Instead of answering, spiced perfume and leather closed the distance and placed herself right between Yoonji’s open legs. She started, trying to scoot back in her seat, but it was impossible. No one seemed to notice, or at least no one was saying anything. There weren’t that many people now. The train was reaching the end of the line soon. Plenty of seats were empty and people were shifting to sit further apart as the space was freed up.

Point was, there really was no reason to be closer.

“Ah, sorry. There just isn’t that much space, you know?” Cocked eyebrow. “Hope you don’t mind.”

Yoonji gritted her teeth.

She didn’t know if she wanted to slap that smirk off that face or make out with it.

“I have to get off at the next stop,” Yoonji stated as matter-of-factly as she could. Tch. This wasn’t increasing her blood pressure in a good way. No. This wasn’t what she imagined at all. Yeah, of course people were different than daydreams. The other woman didn’t respond. She just smiled. Knowingly. Yoonji didn’t have a type. Nope. She also wasn’t scared of her either, no matter how hot, no matter how seductive, no matter how many positions Yoonji was putting them in her head right now.

The train slowed down.

That head of tousled hair tilted to the right exit behind her.

“Well, of you go, then,” she said with a resigned sigh and inviting smile.

The announcement overhead crackled. The train began to slow. A couple people stood up, getting ready to leave, accounting for their belongings with them. Headphones on, or immersed in conversation with their travel partners.

Yoonji growled under her breath, grabbed Jungkook’s definitely-not girlfriend’s free hand, and dragged them through the open doors and onto the platform.

-

Yeah, um.

She hadn’t thought this though.

“What was your grand master plan, Romeo?” came the amused, husky tone from behind her.

They were standing at the train platform, with Yoonji’s right hand in her crush’s right hand, wait, no, that wasn’t what I meant, and then she stiffened up when she felt spiced perfume and leather brush up against her back. Yoonji clutched her tote bag with her left hand, spinning around quickly, immediately locking eyes with a mischievous expression. Scorched eyes and berry-stained lips. She twisted her gaze away, trying to let go of that hand, but her fingers got caught in the other woman’s rings and a hand wrapped around her wrist.

“Don’t freak out.”

Don’t freak out?! She bristled but all the woman did was unlock their fingers and push down her silver rings. “You know Romeo and Juliet die at the end of the story, right?” Yoonji snapped to that nonchalant hand, not making eye contact.

“Yeah.” A wispy chuckle. “They’re also sixteen and thirteen, but something tells me you’re way past that. It doesn’t apply, but it did get a cute reaction out of you.”

She glared. Jungkook’s lady friend gave her a cheeky grin.

“You’re rude.”

Was it her imagination or was the tip of a pink tongue tracing that smirk?

“I can be a lot more than that, so consider yourself lucky.”

Either it was very warm in the train station or Yoonji was getting red in the face. She was about to turn her heel but then this lunatic spun around and began sauntering off the opposite direction. For fuck’s sake, what the hell? Before she could think about it too much, Yoonji crossed the distance with her long legs and snatched a handful of that leather sleeve, dragging the woman with her.

“Oh!”

“You don’t even know where you’re going,” Yoonji muttered with gritted teeth.

“Sure I do.” That relaxed tone was beginning to aggravate. “Your scary face is telling me you don’t want me to bother you.”

“My face is not scary.”

“Oh yeah? Then look at me in the eyes, then.”

This annoying–! They had arrived at the escalator. Yoonji let go of her hand and spun around with one smooth motion, checking if her unpredictable travel companion behind her was about to run off again. Her eyes widened when she realized they were nearly colliding. They were occupying adjacent steps. Due to the platform boots versus Yoonji’s sneakers, the other woman was taller. It wasn’t much of a difference, and then the steps of the escalator became more evident, creating a greater height disparity so now Yoonji was looking up into those piercingly dark orbs. She froze, unsure how to react.

A slow smile formed on those full lips.

“You’re not scary. I just wanted you to look at me.”

Irritation flared. Yoonji narrowed her eyes. But before she could spit out her distaste, the other woman spoke again.

“What?  Are you mad that I think you’re pretty?”

Fuck.

She couldn’t maintain eye contact any longer. Her face was burning. I can’t do this. Yoonji quickly turned around, using the excuse of stepping off the escalator to keep her eyes forward, hurrying quickly, not sure if the woman was following or not. It was obvious that she was out of her element. Out of her league, shit. She was playing ball while her opponent had trapped her in a pinball machine, Yoonji being the target, knocked this way and that with whatever obstacle that came out of her mouth, how could such ridiculous statements fluster me that much, and she was aware that she was annoyed yet also unable to stop thinking about that face, those words, and how their closeness had made her heart race just like how her body reacted around a hot guy.

Which was stupid.

So stupid.

“Ah, wait, let me make a stop here.”

Yoonji almost yelped, suddenly yanked by her hoodie sleeve into a small convenience store. She faintly registered that Jungkook’s – oh, for fuck’s sake, her, um, never mind, the woman was picking something up from a far aisle and hurrying to the counter. Paying for the item in a flash and politely refusing a bag while looking like a damn delinquent that could star in a porn movie. What? Yoonji shook her head furiously and was pulled out back out to the train station, right before the entrance to the street, which was how they ended up standing in front of a bookstore closed for the day.

One woman tore open a package of lemon-flavored gummies and the other clutched her tote bag, white as a sheet of paper.

“Want one?”

Yoonji only stared at her.

“Mm. I’ll save some just in case.”

How is this even happening?

“Are you a kid?” Yoonji sighed, feeling annoyed at herself more than anything.

“Are you an adult?” was the chirp back, complete with the same condescending tone.

She shot her an indignant look. The woman raised her eyebrows and popped another bright yellow gummy into her mouth. She was about to snap, of course, I am, but then her witty comeback was interrupted for possibly the nth time that night.

“’Cause, ya know, most adults wouldn’t do what you just did with me.”

Actually, night was better in this case. “Don’t make this weird,” Yoonji mumbled, looking away again.

“Who cares?”

She jerked her head away and stared at the black sky, wondering how she was losing her cool this fucking fast. How could someone be this smart-mouthed, this devil-may-care, this freaking annoying? It was like hanging out with an extra cunning, female version of Jeon Jungkook. It was driving her absolutely bananas on how to feel. Who cares? Hmph, so irresponsi–

Oh.

Oh my god.

“So, what’s the plan, kidnapper?”

Yoonji grumbled. “I’m not kidnapping you.”

“Aw, I was looking forward to being tied up.”

What the fuck? “Don’t tempt me.”

“Why not?”

“Look, are you drunk or something?” Yoonji scowled, gripping her tote tightly and sneaking a side-glance. “You’re just saying whatever you want.”

She was bouncing on her heels, enjoying her sour sweets. “That would be convenient for you, huh, if I was drunk,” she hummed.

“So you’re simply weird.”

A half-smile. “Better weird than putting up a front.”

A short pause. Her anger dissipated a bit. What am I doing? This isn’t like me at all. She sighed, somewhat defeated. Yoonji pondered how she got swept up like this. I don’t like her. But she did. Shit. How did all her buttons get pressed so fast and with such playful aggression? Damnnit.

“For the record, I don’t drink that much. And especially not when I’m walking alone in places. That would be stupid. In fact, I don’t think I’ve had a drink in a couple years now.”

Yoonji didn’t know if she appreciated the clarification or not. “And why’s that?”

No answer.

She turned her head and was given a pointed, disbelieving look.

“Come on. If I’m this irritating now, imagine me drunk?” Cock of the head. “You’d be on the floor.”

In what way? She didn’t respond to that. Yoonji could tell when she was getting provoked. “I’ll call you a taxi.”

A snort. Classy. “I can call myself a taxi.”

“I don’t trust you to get in it,” Yoonji countered, frowning.

“You don’t trust me at all.”

“That’s not true. I trust you to be a smartass.”

A sly grin at her deadpan words. Those scorched eyes glimmered from the low light of streetlamps. “How about this, then?” She folded the little packet of lemon gummies and tucked it into one of the many pockets of her leather jacket. “Let’s go somewhere together. Chill. Have some conversation. I feel like we are grossly misunderstanding each other. I don’t want us stuck like this. And then I’ll go home and pretend to be the good girl you want me to be.”  

You’re the one causing all the trouble. No. She sighed again, realizing it came out a bit shaky. This whole situation was giving all gas, no brakes, and Yoonji didn’t know why she was considering getting on this ride. What was she supposed to do? What was right? And then there was the way she was being spoken to, Argh.

“Too scared, huh?”

Yoonji glared. “Don’t try anything.”

A deep exhale. The other woman shook her head solemnly. “Hah, what are you thinking I would do?”

-

Min Yoonji concluded that she must be the stupidest person on the planet.

It was late, which was precisely why it wasn’t too busy at this hour. It was surely busier on the other side, considering late-night salarymen and odd-hours workers were getting off their shift. But on this side, the women’s side, well, there really wasn’t anybody at all. There were a few small groups of two or three women, crowded in their semi-private spots, but a lot of open space in the warm, medicinal pools of the public bath.

Yes, that was right.

Yoonji was in a public bath with Jungkook’s lover.

Fuck, she was stupid as all hell.

She sat in the bath with a towel wrapped tightly around her body and tried not to stare. A smaller towel was wrapped around her head with a bun twist at the sides. Yeah, sure, Yoonji didn’t have to get fully naked, but it wasn’t like she brought a set of extra clothes with her. Neither had her companion, of course, so renting towels was a must. That was fine. Everything was fine. Her face was ten thousand degrees. So was the bath. Everything was fine.

As soon as the towel had gotten wet, Yoonji had gotten a pretty good look at that womanly waist-to-ass ratio. Plus those perky tits. Slim, pretty shoulders. Pretty obvious why Jeon Jungkook was coo-coo for those delicious curves. The other woman had opted to tie her hair up instead, not wanting it to get wet, oblivious to the few strands that brushed sexily against the nape of her neck.

“Nice legs,” she had commented, keeping her voice low.

Yoonji sank further into the cloudy medicinal bath. “Keep your eyes to yourself.”

The faintest of smiles. “You aren’t good at following your own advice, are you?”

She couldn’t believe that she had gotten cornered into this. She also couldn’t believe that she was acting like a teenager caught with dirty magazines. She also couldn’t believe that her eyes weren’t deceiving her and there wasn’t a monster under those clothes but an actual hottie who damn well knew it. Just her luck. Not that it mattered, considering Yoonji had apparently forgone all logic. Hmph. She could be like that too.

Not right now, obviously. Wrong situation.

“I haven’t visited a public bathhouse in a long time,” that husky voice mused.

“I used to come with my family,” Yoonji replied distractedly. “But it’s been a while for me too.”

“It’s kind of nice.”

She floated a bit, her shoulders still above water, clavicles glistening with dew. In contrast, Yoonji was neck-deep, soaking like a boiled dumpling.

“Don’t have a group a girl friends to go with?”

Yoonji frowned. Sighed. “No, not really. You’ve seen my friends. I’m sure they’ve gone without me,” she added, flicking her eyes to wandering ones. “You?”

A light scoff. “I don’t have people I’m close with.” A quick, fleeting glance. “Unless it’s in bed.”

Crass but honest. This time, though, didn’t seem like those words were said to catch her off guard. She accepted the moment of mercy. “Why is that?”

“Because everyone loves the idea of trying to tame the outcast.”

The steam was nearly as heavy as the silence.

“Being lonely doesn’t make you cool,” Yoonji quietly murmured, watching the ripples in the water.

“Not trying to be cool. Just trying to survive like the rest of us.”

The heat was almost as soothing as her tone, but her words held the weight of a past full of nightmares. They stayed quiet. Eventually, both of them floated to the edge of the pool. Maybe it was an outcast thing. Yoonji thought to offer some consolation, but she didn’t know the words nor what the other woman had been through.

“You haven’t had it easy, huh?” she mumbled to the milky liquid.

“Heh. Has anyone?”

She soaked for a few minutes. Ripples fanning out. Such a small thing becoming so large. She was vaguely aware of arms resting against the side of the bath.

“You strike me as a lone wolf yourself.”

Yoonji shifted her eyes to see a poised hand millimeters above her barely-covered shoulder. She looked away again. “I’m not. I don’t need many friends, but I need the ones I have.”

“I don’t think you’ve always felt like that.”

Damn. She wasn’t surprised anymore though. “Hah… You’re right.”

A wispy chuckle. “What made you change your mind?”

She thought about it. “Before I knew it… I had begun to rely on them. I’m close to my older brother, but my parents… and then my brother went off to university. Started working long hours in a high-class hotel restaurant. I was just the daughter that fiddled with guitars. My parents paid for my music lessons, starting with piano and then whatever instrument I wanted to learn, but I don’t have anything interesting to show for it. And, anyway, you know how it is. I can’t blame my brother for being a son. It was probably because of his support for me that my parents paid for my music degree.”

“Or because you’re good.”

“Even if I am,” Yoonji exhaled, blowing ripples in front of her. “I wouldn’t enjoy standing out.” She ruminated on that a bit. “With the emotional distance between my parents and the physical distance between my brother… I chased a lot of dead ends. Didn’t know where I was headed or where I wanted to go. I don’t know why those guys… Don’t know why they bothered with such a mess.”

“Probably because of your cute face.”

Yoonji scowled and flicked water next to her.

An unbothered laugh. “Maybe they saw something in you.”

Can’t imagine what. “Through school, shared hobbies, friends of friends.” She thought of each of them. It had happened organically, beginning with Kim Namjoon during university, bonding over books and music. “We just ended up like this.”

“Mhm, that’s usually my explanation too when I wake up the next morning.”

A muscle in Yoonji’s eyelid twitched. The implication was obvious. “Is that all people are to you?”

“That’s all people want me to be.”

She said it so casually, so calmly, that those words didn’t seem to hold the gravity that they should. The steam around them curled and snaked in the air. Several women were leaving now, chattering away with their gossip. The whole situation felt surreal.

“You don’t mean that,” Yoonji finally said.

A sigh.

“Sometimes I believe that’s all I am too.”

They listened to people pad away to the sauna. Someone in the corner was getting a thorough back scrubbing. Yoonji snuck a glimpse of a meditative profile. Glistening cheekbones, lips, clavicles. The top of the towel was saturated and stuck to softly rounded mounds that skimmed the surface of the water. She tried not to look for too long. The prominent peaks were noticeable and tempting.

She understood why Jungkook was so attached now.

What?

“Don’t feel bad for me.”

Somehow, Yoonji had sunk nearly chin-deep into the water. “What?” she mumbled. She almost jumped out of her skin when she felt a delicate hand plant onto the crown of her toweled head. Five points of contact. She clutched her body towel in a death grip, as if it was going to be ripped off her.

“I said, don’t feel bad for me,” chuckled the teasing voice beside her. “Getting all emotional?”

She was about to shake off the hand forcefully but it moved away just as quickly as it came.

“I don’t feel bad for you,” Yoonji muttered.

She regretted saying it when she did, and yet it was too late to take it back. Long, agonizing seconds ticked by along with ripples of moving water. She wanted to reach out somehow, but it wasn’t possible to do so. They weren’t that close. She was Jungkook’s, well, his in general. And Yoonji felt the way she did, which was complicated altogether.

The silence was broken by softness.

“You just feel something you can’t quite explain.”

Slowly, Yoonji turned her head.

Curled, damp strands of hair clung to an undefinable expression, framing burned eyes and a not-quite smile that seemed more like a hint than an actual answer. Yoonji was neck-deep in hot water and half-crouching at this depth. Her hands were twisted around themselves. She carefully pulled them apart, looking away, then back, heart racing. The bath was opaque with medicinal salts and herbs. She had to feel her way forward, feeling more confident as she waited for her companion to react.

And then.

There was nothing but water.

“Let me get out first.” There was a slosh of water and Yoonji backed up instinctively, seeing the other woman slink upwards, standing to step out. She quickly jerked her line of vision away from wet towel plastered to prominent curves. “I can endure the embarrassment, heh.” She did not sound even an iota of embarrassed.

Her cheeks flared hot. Yoonji kept her eyes firmly on the water. “I’ll… I’ll finish up and follow in a minute.”

“Take your time.”

Light, drippy steps faded away, leaving Yoonji alone, sinking into the water with only her eyes showing, terrified someone could somehow tell she was red-hot from seeing an almost naked woman. Not just any woman. Fuck. She closed her eyes, screaming in her head. Why does it have to be her? Eight billion people and counting on this planet and this had to happen.

That’s all people want me to be.

Yoonji really didn’t like how that sounded.

Don’t feel bad for me.

This dumpling boiled for a little longer until her redness could be explained away by the heat.

Eventually, she got out and padded off to the locker room too, both startled and relieved that she was alone. She dried off and got dressed, thinking about the undertones of those statements. If she had been a liar, Yoonji would have assured with, no, not to Jeon Jungkook, but that idiot’s actions were the complete opposite. Yes, Yoonji knew otherwise because she had known him for such a long time – but did she, though? How well did she know him, really? She paused, holding her hoodie. She hadn’t been talking to him lately, trying to avoid giving herself away.

The memory of his Instagram post lingered in the back of her mind.

And then the image of those scorched eyes surrounded by steam.

Yoonji pulled her hoodie over her head. She couldn’t pretend to ignore the trees in front of her even though she hadn’t seen the whole forest yet. She looped her hand over the handle of her canvas tote bag. Gathered the rented bath house items, preparing to return them. Jeon Jungkook. The nightmarish woman of her dreams. These complicated feelings she both didn’t recognize and knew all too well. First and foremost, she was a friend. She would not betray that.

She couldn’t bear that.

It took a moment to pay for the rented items and then Yoonji found herself in the waiting room at the front. Sitting at the bench was none other than the one of leather and silver, her spiced perfume faint and replaced with the sweet herbal scent of the bath. She stood up as Yoonji entered, tucking her arms into the sleeves of the jacket and flipping out her hair from the collar. The sides of the oversized jacket flapped open. The lights of the bath house were dimmed for an ethereal glow, and it was just enough light to spot the jutting peaks of large nipples against that tight black top.

Before she could stop herself, Yoonji raced forward in her sneakers and snatched the sides of the jacket, yanking them shut over that chest.

“What are you doing?” she hissed, gripping the leather between white-knuckles fingers. “Are you crazy?”

“Hm?”

Yoonji froze.

She gripped the jacket closed, not looking up. Couldn’t.

“What’s with you?”

Confusion above her. How does she not know? “Weren’t… Weren’t you wearing a bra?” Yoonji tried to ask as calmly as she could, hands shaking as they slipped down to the bottom of the placket where the zipper head was. She prayed the fabric was thick enough so the other woman couldn’t tell.

“Yeah, I put it in this bag the bath house gave me.” There was a rustle and Yoonji perceived a brown paper bag held up in her periphery. She fumbled with the zipper, letting out a puff of air to appear as annoyed as possible. “But all I’m gonna do is go home and go to sleep. What’s the point of putting it back on for twenty minutes?”

“You…”

“I called for a taxi already, by the way. I wanted to wait for you to finish, though. Want me to get one for you too?”

“No,” Yoonji blurted out a little too fast. She cleared her throat and busied herself with zipping up the jacket. “My place is close to here.”

“I can walk you there. Change the address of the taxi.”

She clicked her tongue. “I’ve walked home alone for years. Don’t flatter yourself.”

All of a sudden, a hand caught one of hers in the middle of retreating from the zipper.

Fingers wrapped around hers tightly.

She snapped her head up and became the closest she had ever been to kissing another woman.

They stared at each other for seconds that felt like hours. The hand was warm with slim and elegant fingers, similar to Yoonji’s own. She felt searched. Exposed. Her hair was a little damp from the bath so Yoonji had pulled the hood up to cover it. They were so close she could see the edges of her bangs curl towards those dark eyes. With a start, she realized that meant that the other woman was bent down ever-so-slightly due to their current height difference.

Silence.

She could have said so many things but Yoonji watched her hold her tongue.

For some incomprehensible reason…

The silence made Yoonji’s heart ache.

A small, pleasant smile. She didn’t say anything still. Instead, she took a step back and let go of Yoonji’s hand, letting her gaze stay only a second longer, and then those scorched eyes slipped away, disappearing behind waves of wild hair, out the door and into the street where headlights waited.

Yoonji watched the taxi purr away into the night.

She walked home, one of her hands pressed to her racing heart, a lasting tingle radiating from her fingers.

-

She couldn’t take it.

She should, and she would. But she couldn’t take it, knowing they shared moments that existed only for them. She told herself she would get over it, but some part of her didn’t want to get over it. Some twisted, masochistic part.

Min Yoonji sat in front of her computer and keyboard in the dead of night and composed a song.

She needed something to occupy all of her mind. Or something to explain it all, this strange high and down low all at once. Her sound could never be called overly optimistic, but she tried a bit of a higher key this time, with brighter, chirpy samples to go alongside her keyboard. She just sang words into the mic that came to mind, not really thinking too much about what it meant or why.

It was one of those jumbled tracks that she probably wouldn’t listen back to in a long time, but something in her needed to make it.

She fell asleep in her chair with her headphones still on and her head nestled on her hoodie arms.

She told herself to get over it.

Don’t feel bad for me.

In her dreams, Yoonji wasn’t guilty.

In her dreams, she could watch them. She knew how Jeon Jungkook was around the person he liked. He seemed all tough and cocky, but there was no way he could be. Not to such powerful femininity, and certainly not to kind eyes that had obviously been burned so many times. Jungkook was playful. Gentle. So obviously trapped but acted like he wasn’t.

I could have been you.

Not really.

Could have.

She was lost in her dreams.

Black nail polish with red glitter. Deft fingers gliding over his chest. Fingers tracing his tattooed shoulder, followed by soft, full lips that made no sound. Hands that traced his body, framing him like art as lips brushed against his ear. Whispers of things unsaid. Barely visible under messy hair – dark, scorched eyes shadowed by lashes and lust. Fascination at quickened breath falling from parted lips adorned with a small mole underneath them, right at the center. She continued to watch, transfixed at how they moved like water, seamless and in unison, twisting their bodies to face each other. Lips hovering over lips. Bare shoulders, bare waists, legs over the other, the hand cradling Jungkook’s face elegant, possessive, holding him in place as that wet, pink tongue extended, tracing his open mouth with the tip, teasing him, making him moan softly.

She blinked slowly.

Now it was her holding Jungkook’s face, staring into his lidded eyes.

She tilted her head, leaning in.

Yoonji shot up from her desk, gasping, overturning her lyric notepad and sending it flapping to the floor, along with her pen catapulting across her bedroom. Her muscles screamed in discomfort, cramped from the hunched position, and Yoonji winced, placing a palm on her chest and sensing the layer of uncomfortable sweat that had suddenly appeared.

Her heart ricocheted in her ribcage.

Her face burned. She tried to take in several breaths, pulling her hand away from herself. Slowly. Carefully, as if denying such physical reactions. She spotted the picture frame on her desk. Her and her friends standing next to each other, ages ago. A visit to a ski resort. Jungkook was standing next to her, flashing a peace sign and a toothy smile.

His arm was around her shoulders.

Bundled up, she looked a mix between disgruntled and pleased.

I have to do something or I’m gonna lose it.

Yoonji got up from her desk and flopped face down onto her bed, hoping for a dreamless sleep.

-

ep 4. hey, you alright? (see you friday) sugar, spice, and everything nice

--

min yoonji masterpost | masterpost

[joyaphoria]

growing up, kiyoomi never had many friends.

he didn’t know how to talk to the other kids, and so he wasn’t very good at socializing.

having curly hair didn’t help either, because while his moms friends called him adorable and fluffed it, the other kids just thought it was weird.

‘you aren’t normal!’ they would shriek, running down the hall when he would approach them. ‘normal kids have straight hair!’

when kiyoomi would come home, sometimes with a trembling lip as he struggled to contain his whimpers, his mom would twist one of the ‘abnormal’ curls around her finger.

“there’s no such thing as normal, baby.” she would whisper against his head. “kids just aren’t used to things that they don’t see everyday.”

knowing that his curls were popular with the adults made him feel a little better, but it didn’t change the fact that he still wasn’t accepted amongst his peers.

then one day, a new student was introduced to the class.

the other kids were fascinated with you, because you moved around a lot, and came here from abroad; the teachers were just as in awe, because even at the young age of ten, you spoke both japanese and english.

you’ve been to so many places around the world, that the other kids began to trust in your opinion of what was and wasn’t cool.

and so one day during recess, while kiyoomi was playing on the swings, the same troublesome group of kids came after him.

“he looks like he’s wearing a mop!” one of the girls shrieked. “no way! even i wouldn’t use that to clean the floor!” a boy retorted.

kiyoomi closed his eyes and ignored them as he kicked his legs on the swing, urging it to go higher. block them out, his mom had told him. show them that they aren’t important.

and kiyoomi was trying, he really was, but the things they said got nastier and nastier, until one of them said “no way his momma touches that mop!”

his lip was trembling by the end, and he hung his head to save himself from the embarrassment of being seen crying.

“where i’ve been, curls are super cool.”

and all the giggling and snickers went quiet, as kiyoomi looked up to find you, arms crossed as you stared down the other kids. “bullying isn’t though, and the big kids would usually come to hang you upside down.”

their eyes went wide in fear as the scrambled away, leaving omi on the swing with his head bowed and cheeks tear stained, his curls shielding his face.

“i think your curls are great,” you exclaim, taking a seat in the swing next to his. “my big sister has curls too, and she styles them really pretty!”

kiyoomi blinks, slowly looking up to meet your eyes. you smile even brighter, and kiyoomi’s cheeks heat when you ask, “may i touch your hair?”

nobody had ever asked, not even his moms friends who did it regardless.

and maybe he was just so used to the names he’s been called, because he asks, “aren’t you afraid that you’ll get cursed? or that worms will crawl out?”

and kiyoomi watches as you burst into laughter, so hard, that the other kids were turning their heads to whisper and mumble. “if touching curly hair curses me, im way passed saving!”

kiyoomi finds himself smiling faintly alongside you, before tilting his head towards you, as a silent way of approving.

he listens as you hold one of his curls, exclaiming, “it’s so soft! your ma takes care of them so nicely!”

and ever since that day, kiyoomi had grown attached to you.

you guys became the best of friends; occasional play dates, sleepovers, always together at school, and always confiding in each other. you two were inseparable, and you made kiyoomi’s elementary days less and less insufferable.

that is until you turned twelve, and kiyoomi found out that you were moving away again.

“my dad found a job back up in canada,” you explained hesitantly one day at recess, as you both sat side by side on the swings. “my dad doesn’t like to stay in one place for too long, and it turns out that my mom has been pushing the move back for some time now.”

you don’t mention that it’s because you’ve been begging her not to go, your little heart suffocating at the thought of leaving your best friend behind.

kiyoomi hangs his head — just like that day two years ago — shielding the world from the tears that were making their way down his face.

“i’m sorry, omi.” you whisper, entangling your tiny hand with his. he can hear the sincerity in your soft voice, and the way it trembles tells him that he isn’t the only one loosing a special part of him. “one day when i’m older, i’ll find you again.”

kiyoomi lifts his head once more, finding courage in your oath. “you promise?” because kiyoomi had never had been promised anything, just the small things from his parents, that were often forgotten about.

this, though, isn’t small. this is big and important, and it’s a promise that you need to keep, if made. “i promise, omi.”

and kiyoomi is guilty of forgetting about you by the time he becomes a teenager, because let’s face it; you were children. your little hearts had entangled and grown fond of each other, but eventually, you were no more than the first friend he had made in kindergarten, long since forgotten about.

little does he know, come twelve years, you would most definitely find your newly grown hearts, once again, entangled.

[jedineedlove]

Sun Wukong A Bad Mentor??

I wanted to make this post so I could place my opinions on this topic. I know many people have already posted about this a lot before but I just wanted to say this and make my points. It a bit wordy just to be warned.

Many people see Wukong as a bad mentor because of the LBD arch. Where he left MK and went on his "vacation." But we the viewer have seen that wasn't the case. He did not sit back and relax as MK protected the city. Wukong was on a major task of researching Lady Bone Demon, this is something he has done before in the Journey to the West. He finds what he can about his opponent and uses what he finds as a way to predict their movements. He was playing smarter, not stronger. When LBD showed Wukong her predictions she showed him MK being burned and the world destroyed. This made Wukong doubt himself and his power as we see in Season 4 he states the original reason he sought out immortality and more strength was to be able to protect and he lost his way.

This is similar he may have gone about communicating it to MK the wrong way but he did not do this for selfish reasons he did it for the sole purpose of protecting MK. The LBD's powers stem from fear, when that scene of MK burning was shown to WUkong it shows that his fear was losing MK. Remember Mk has not been learning long and these are complex powers that take a long amount of training. Wukong training with Mk would know where Monkie Kid's limit would be. He knew the kid would not be able to handle a Demon of this magnitude.

Yes, he let MK handle DBK alone but he was a small fry compared to LBD. DBK was a villain that was making some smaller plans unlike LBD she was a calculating mind that had A plan that was years in the making. She was one that had more brain than brawn and that's what made her different than the others. Wukong knows this having faced all these guys before. MK having Wukong power means he can out-brawn them but the kid would not know the mental mind games LBD would be playing.

With his student's life pretty much threatened by a powerful demon that was mentally crazy. Wukong distances himself from MK. MK the ball of sunshine that wants to help and wants to keep proving himself Wukong would know that if MK knew about this mission he would want to join. If Wukong refused him then MK might feel like he doesn't trust him. If Wukong just left MK after denying him MK might have tried to follow Wukong and get into trouble. Acting goofy about the whole thing was most likely meant to reassure MK that everything was okay. He did all that while on the inside he was stressing out and panicking about what could be.

Wukong is seen doing that a lot reassuring MK that MK can do anything and that everything is alright. Something a lot of adults try to do for children. Wukong has proven time and time again to be a protective and encouraging mentor. Trying to lift MKs sprites does he do a perfect job no and can you blame him the last human contact he had was hundreds of years ago. But he tries and he has been trying.

The things Wukong has done to be a better mentor like when he went on stage to please MK neglecting his own boundaries for the kid. He watches over MK during some of his fights and steps in when he needs with sage advice.

If Wukong always stepped in then MK would never be able to gain the self-confidence he needed. Mk also would never learn from his mistakes. Wukong made many mistakes in the past and the consequence only showed up years too late. When Wukong faced punishment what he did was set in stone for those around him it was already too late to take anything back. But with MK facing things he fixed his mistakes faster than Wukong got to do in his youth.

Wukongs enemies have seen a lot of Wukong in MK and who's to say Wukong doesn't see that too. With years of reflection and learning from mistakes. He wants to clearly set MK on the right path. He wants to give MK the lessons he wishes others taught him before he made his mistakes. He want to be the master that his were not for him. Understanding, supportive, and encouraging. Instead of degrading and pounding his spirit to the ground with golden fillets and harsh words, but to lead him down the right path with words of advice to listen to. He wanted to give MK the one thing he didn't have someone that understood, the struggle of being a hero, the pedestal that a hero can never seem to step down from, the self-doubt the two of them are a lot alike that gives each of them kinship.

We all seem to forget that the world is not black and white and in the LMK universe, we don't actually have the full story. This Wukong is very different from the Wukong in the books. Things that happened in the book did not happen here, things that happened here did not in the book.

So many condemn Wukong for so much. Saying things like if Wukong had just dealt with the villains in the past then Mk wouldn't be dealing with them now. To you sure but you must remember he traveled with the pacifist Tripitaka. During the journey, he condemn violence including those that would save his life or stop the destruction. TRIPITAKA, THIS IS THE MAN THAT DECIDED TO SEAL LBD INSTEAD OF GETTING RID OF HER BELIEVING THAT SHE COULD BE REDEEMED! And in the book if you do want to go off of it. many of the demons were former apprentices or pets, or animals that belong to or with gods, goddesses, sages, etc. Many of them were spared because of who they were.

We have to watch and listen again look at the expression hear the tone in the voice, read the atmosphere. Please remember to see things through others' eyes before you judge before you condemn. I'm not saying he's a saint I'm saying you can't heal a wound when it is repeatedly stabbed open again and again. By living in the past there is no bright future. For a brighter future for Wukong AND the others, we need to live in the here and now and look to the future.

Thank you for reading.

[ms0milk]

s/o with an abusive ex

| ft. Sanemi, Mitsuri, and Rengoku 

a/n: thank you so much for your req!

Sanemi

here's the thing

i just don’t think nems is above murder

so this abusive ex of yours doesn’t feel long for this world, ya feel me?

that ex called one too many times?

they just wont leave you alone?

they followed you when you went out?

showed up at your job?

did he hear you right?

sanemi is not patient, not forgiving, and not above confrontation

if they’re going to be piece of shit that doesn’t know when to quit

sanemi’s gonna submit that resignation letter on their behalf

they take the low road?

sanemi’s going to hell

if you come back to him from a long day out even a little shaken

he’s gonna scoop you right up in the doorway and deliver you straight to the bathtub to wash off the emotional grime

cuff his pants

roll up his sleeves

a therapeutic washcloth scrubbing your back and as much peace as he can manifest as he listens to you talk about your day

this man lives to make your life easy

which means when your ex steps out of line just once

and sanemi has to take out the trash

you’re none the wiser

a little blackmail here, a threat of physical violence there

sanemi and is friends will not let you suffer because of one person who’s too stupid to take no for an answer

if you’re willing to trust him with your fears from the past, he’ll always be ready to navigate the future with you

whatever you need

Mitsuri

like any strong, beautiful woman

Mitsuri has been chased down by her fair share of inappropriate scumbags

and has gotten very good and defending herself

physically and emotionally

she knows exactly how it feels to be perceived as vulnerable and prides herself in her strength and her ability to protect

this applies to you too

duh

the darling love of her life?

you got that extended warranty

24/7 support for life

she’s building your self confidence with spa days, body worship, and making sure you keep your weekly therapy appointment

so whenever your manipulative ass ex comes up

Mitsuri’s got her Listening Ears on

because she knows just how powerful an eager ear can be to someone processing trauma

but

i’m also pretty sure Mitsuri’s grappling with Sanemi for first place on the hashira sliding scale of “how easily they would get into a physical fight with someone who caused you pain”

because the day your ex decides to show their face in person??

and pull some nasty shit??

she was actually arrested for the absolute Bad Bitch Behavior she unleashed that day

i’m talking permanently broken noses and a visit from the adult tooth fairy

“i’m so sorry you had to see that baby”

is all she says when you finally manage to both get home in the evening

and you’re in tears because you have your girlfriend safe in your arms and not in some fucking cell while your sonofabitch ex gets to spend the night in the cushy hospital

but you’re not crying in anger

because you finally

for the first time since you met them

felt bigger than your ex today

“No more fights I promise! Please don’t cry– you y/n, it’s you only you, I only want to make you happy.”

she makes you feel happy and safe

Rengoku

does falling in love with this man ever end? will i ever reach the bottom of the depths of my love for him?

Rengoku is with you through it all

encouraging you to leave your dangerous relationship

protecting you while you gather your things

housing you when you have nowhere else to go

falling in love with you quietly as you build yourself back up

and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let the asshole that started this whole problem backtrack your progress in any way

ex shows up at your house?

jokes on them, Rengoku’s stationed at the front gate while you finish the last of your chores inside

“You will be fighting with me today stranger, and I am the fight you will lose!”

he’s always all smiles

ex sends you message after message?

paper route be damned, the poor postman is getting escorted backwards to wherever the hell he picked this letter up

I don’t think Rengoku’s the type for premeditated violence

i think he’s a bit too aloof for that

his ego will never get the better of him

his testosterone will never best him

it’s always about you

“Your ex is here Y/n, would you like to walk past them together or would you like to leave?”

“You seem anxious, did something happen while you were out?”

“I’m here with you.”

“You're holding your head high today! You look beautiful like this!”

“You are not alone.”

your villainous ex can’t take away your value and so Rengoku’s going to do the best he can to make sure you see how much he worships your strength

[rivetgoth]

Today I had an observation and evaluation with a program supervisor at my internship and it went really well!

Most notably though, afterwards during the debrief she made a comment about how I always have a super good attitude. All of my marks on all of my observations and evals have always scored me crazy high for positive environment, good rapport, good attitude, etc. She was like, "Have you always been like this? Like, were you just this bright smiling confident little boy that was friends with everyone?"

And it was just crazy to hear. I honestly kinda laughed and was like... NO. I explained my backstory a little--Truth be told I was one of the shyest people I have ever known as a kid/preteen/teen. I would make up excuses to avoid going to restaurants with friends because I would feel like I was going to throw up from the anxiety imagining ordering something. I couldn't look people in the eye, couldn't shake their hand, I was terrified to meet new people in any context. I heard the phrase "come out of your shell" 50000000000000x from teachers and other Trusted Adults. My parents were always on my case about it. I remember being like, 12 or so and my mom asked me to run into the store and pick up some milk while she stayed in the car and I just couldn't even IMAGINE a world where I would do such a thing. Like, this is such a vivid memory to me, I remember my mom was annoyed and said something like "How are you going to survive one day when you live on your own?" and I legit could. not. imagine. ever being able to buy something at a store and check it out and deal with a grocery store employee face to face. It legit felt impossible.

As an older teen I started making a really, genuine, honest, active effort to change. Slowly. Truth be told I hated how I was. The social anxiety was symptomatic of a kind of larger issue or a bunch of interconnected issues. I was the pickiest eater I knew. I had dealt with genuine psychotic episodes from around age 14. I had trouble maintaining a single friendship. I was having panic attacks so bad I would end up puking. I was extremely dysphoric and didn't want to be perceived by anyone; I knew nobody would see me as anything but a girl but I felt like I was in genuine danger if I said anything, so I just felt like I was lying to everyone, all the time. It was a lot. I wasn't happy. I made a lot of small changes. Some of these were lifestyle-related: I left public school and switched to independent study. I graduated early and started going to my community college. I got involved in clubs that interested me. But honestly a lot of them were more, like... psychological? Personality-based? More intangible things. I feel like I started engaging with some really introspective shit like

Asking myself, what am I so afraid of? What is the worst that could happen? And actually going through the motions of picturing all of those things, and how I would realistically deal with them, and also realizing that none of it was actually that bad, at all. I could manage literally any of the things I was terrified of, and a lot of the time, there was nothing to be terrified of at all.

Reconceptualizing my social anxiety as an extremely selfish, self-destructive mindset. I think this is going to sound controversial but I believe a lot of my social anxiety was born from being too obsessed with myself. Not in a positive way; I HATED myself. But I was too obsessed with how other people viewed me. I was too obsessed with how I was perceived. To the point that I was treating other people cruelly. You know that tweet that's like "I told my husband that sometimes I worry he hates me and secretly gets annoyed by me, and he said that it made him sad and he wished I wouldn't think of him that way"? Yeah. This also meant doing stuff like developing better social skills for conversing with people that centered them instead of me, like learning how to recognize social cues that didn't really come naturally, asking more questions, being more expressive/reactive, allowing other people to talk first... little things.

But also developing conviction in myself! Realizing that if someone DID think I was stupid, or annoying, or was unnecessarily rude or cruel to me, that they were the one in the wrong. Becoming more confident in knowing who I am and what I'm about, so that if someone judges me, that's on them, not on me. I don't exist for other people. I'm doing my thing authentically, and if other people can't see that, that's on THEM, not on ME.

The two nails in the coffin that buried my social anxiety six feet under for good was getting into the goth/dark alt community and transitioning. Both of these were legitimately life saving. I already loved the music, but I found myself actually wanting to be apart of the community surrounding it. I wanted to go to concerts and see my favorite bands, I wanted to go to clubs and hear the music I love played loud and dance to it. I wanted to dress up and appear Cool to the people I found cool. I literally had to get over it--And when I did go to concerts and clubs and interacted with other musicheads, they were the friendliest, most accepting people I had ever met. It wasn't even that I clicked with everyone instantly, I didn't make any long term friends overnight, but they were nice. They were understanding. They didn't judge me for being a baby bat who was literally bringing his mom to shows lmao. Being in the goth community made me love people, honestly.

And obviously transitioning was just... life saving, in every single sense of the phrase. I would not be alive or who I am in any capacity today if it weren't for transitioning, and it lifted a burden so heavy off of me that it's hard to really fully process the person I was before versus who I am today. Honestly, I almost feel like you could delete everything else and just have this post become a rant about how much transitioning and overcoming my social anxiety has a 1:1 correlation and how much dysphoria masks itself as or at least severely worsens other conditions. I'm genuinely happy now. I enjoy meeting other people. I love being seen as the man I am, navigating society and being authentically me. I think my social anxiety was inseparable from dysphoria. I think my dysphoria was genuinely deeply incapacitating in ways even I couldn't articulate or even fathom.

I did not tell my supervisor all this, LMAO. She doesn't even know I'm trans. I'm stealth to everyone in my program except higher-ups or individuals in my cohort who I've spoken with. But it just had me thinking A LOT about how far I've come. What I did tell my supervisor is, and I stand by this, that I think I'm generally considered a Likable Person™ who promotes Positive Environments™ because it's something I had to work my ass off for. It did not come naturally, and I think it's why I'm so, so cognizant of it.

[thomashoes]

Thinking about.... Thoma

i have had this idea for like two three months already and was not confident it would look great written down. but with motivations from my dear bestie, i thought why the hell not and decided to do it.

P.S

this actually took me three days to make--

thoma x reader

female reader

fluff, mentions of long distance relationship, sexual content and alcohol, very very mild cursing (like once)

Little backstory:

y/n is diluc's sister and she's in charge of dawn winery's innovative and international marketing. and basically she went to inazuma to conduct a research for the winery's novelty. thoma was her childhood friend before he left for inazuma. they reunited during her stay in inazuma and due to the vision hunt decree, a target has been placed on her back leading her to hide in the Kamisato Estate. after the decree was lifted she stayed for a while before heading back to mondstadt to help with the preparation of the weinlesfest festival uwu.

"Are you sure you got everything with you? Why don't we check your stuff again," Thoma fussed as he walked over to Y/N's bags to assess its contents in the guest room she has resided in for the past few months. Y/N rolled her eyes and followed him, "You don't need to worry about it, Mom. I quadruple checked them last night, so I'm pretty sure I have everything."

Thoma glanced at her before he dropped his shoulder in defeat, "I-I'm sorry. Maybe I'm anxious about you already leaving just when I finally got to see you again and... Ah, please ignore what I was trying to say." he fretfully confessed. Y/N exhaled and felt her heart drum against her chest, it did pain her to leave but she still had duties as Dawn Winery's marketing manager. She reached out to grab the back of Thoma's shirt, "Hey... I know this is hard for you, it is to me also. But I promise to you that I will come and visit once a month and stay for at least a week. We can make this work, please trust me. Trust us, Thoma."

The blond turned to face her and saw that she looked ready to cry so he extended his arms and embraced her. "I do trust us, Y/N. I'm just...going to miss you a lot," he whispered against the crown of her head. Y/N looked up at his green orbs before her eyes darted down to his lips and Thoma saw this and took it as a hint to lean in for a kiss. The kiss lasted for as long as they could breathe and when they parted, Y/N whimpered as tears fell down her face.

"I don't want to go," she cried as she held onto him tighter. "But I'm an adult who is in charge of a company for booze so I have to go help my brother." Y/N pitifully whined against his chest.

Thoma laughed at her as his own tears started to roll down, "That's right, you are, as you always put it, a strong independent woman. And now you have another responsibility to return to."

With those words uttered by Thoma, Y/N cried a little bit harder and said the something along the lines of 'I hate being an adult'.

<<~~~~~~~~~~>>

On the morning of her trip back to Mondstadt, Thoma held her hand the entire time waiting for her ship to be ready to go. He rubbed his thumb against the back of her hand as he watched the sun rise.

"You know, with the amount of times we watched both sunrise and sunsets together, this is probably the worst one yet," Y/N grumbled to him. Thoma simply hummed as an answer as he watched Captain Beidou approach them.

"Good morning, love birds! The ship is ready to go in a bit so you two better say your goodbyes now," Beidou greeted the two of the then her red eyes caught the marks on Y/N's neck and gave Thoma a mischievous look. "But it looks like you already did one hell of a farewell last night."

Y/N's face turned as red as her face as she sputtered excuses as to what the marks were while Thoma awkwardly laughed. Beidou let out a loud laugh and waved a hand so Y/N would stop, "I'm just messing with you. What you should be worried about is your brothers' reaction when they see those."

The lovers froze as they realized that the captain was right. Y/N looked at Thoma while holding back laughter, "Well, it was fun while it lasted, Thoma." she teased him bringing Thoma out his thoughts. He sighed and pinched her side which caused her yelp, "Please don't joke about that, Y/N."

A pout formed on her face as she looked back at Beidou, "He can be such a huge meanie sometimes but that's exactly my type." Y/N bantered to Beidou in which the captain shook her head in amusement and Thoma cleared his throat. Just as Y/N was about to add more, a crewmate ඞ approached Beidou and announced every thing was ready for the trip back to Liyue.

"Could you please give us a minute, Captain Beidou?" Thoma requested solemnly as his grip on Y/N's hand tightened. Beidou nodded in understanding before she left them for their final adieu.

As soon as Beidou was gone, Y/N swiftly moved to hug Thoma tightly while attempting to sway the both of them sideways. Her lover laughed at her actions before he hugged back and kissed her head, "Write to me as soon as you get there safely, okay, darling?" he whispered to her. Y/N, once again, had tears slowly gather in her eyes then bobbed her head as she could not find the strength to speak without her voice cracking.

Y/N felt Thoma's hands move from her waist to her face, his gloved hands cradled her as he gazed into her eyes lovingly, "Can I please get a verbal response from my sweetheart?" he goaded as a smirk formed on his lips. Y/N rolled her, now dry, eyes while she blushed a pale shade of red, "Way to ruin the mood but yes, I promise to send a letter to my dear lover even if I have to use my brother's eagle if I have to."

Smug from her answer, he placed a chaste kiss on her lips, "Good girl."

This man was testing her patience. With a growl, she gripped his face and gave a hard kiss on his lips before she turned around and left without glancing back at him. She heard Thoma's joyful laugh that filled her heart with happiness as she boarded up to The Crux.

She watched as Thoma's figure began to get smaller as the ship moved away from Ritou. With a final wave of her arm, Y/N moved to sit on the ship's deck, heart weighing like a thousands of bricks.

Unaware of the footsteps that advanced towards her, she curled up into a ball and mumbled out her objectives once she steps foot on to Liyue Harbor. "You might want to get rid of those marks to save your brothers from getting a heart attack," a gentle voice interrupted her. Y/N moved her focus to the person who was standing in front of her and squinted her eyes from the brightness of the sun.

"Oh, hey, Kazuha. Still traveling with Beidou?" she asked the young man. Kazuha smiled at her before proceeded to offer his hand to help her stand up. Y/N thanked him and accepted it and was immediately lifted onto her feet. "Well, the life of traveling has become my life after years and staying in one place didn't feel right for me," Kazuha explained to her as he watched her pat the dust off her pants. "And must I repeat what I said about those markings on your neck?"

A snort left her mouth as she placed her hands on her hips, "I heard you the first time, no need. Also, Kaeya would applaud me like the supportive brother he is. Diluc, on the other hand, would be the one having a heart attack." Y/N clarified. "Also, yes I do need to get rid of these. I just don't know how." she added sheepishly. Kazuha chuckled and nodded his head, "Yes, of course. Do forgive me for assuming wrong." Kazuha gestured to the ship's accommodation, "If you could follow me, I can help with getting rid of those for you."

"Oh my Archons, please. I can handle my brothers well but definitely not Adelinde's persistence." Y/N groaned and moved to follow Kazuha.

"Oh um, why do you know how to get rid of hick--"

"Don't worry about it." :)

<<~~~~~~~~~~>>

A week has passed since Y/N left Inazuma to help with the preparations for Mondstadt's Weinlesefest Festival and she had finally successfully created a new drink exclusive for the event namely the Fruits of the Festival.

Y/N then found herself seated on Dawn Winery's dinner table alongside her two brothers, Diluc and Kaeya, The Traveler and Paimon. It was an extremely rare moment (read: never) to have both her brothers sit on the dinner table and enjoy a meal without them attempting to go at each other. The Traveler and Paimon shared their adventures in Liyue and Inazuma then explained to the two men how they knew their sister.

"Oh, that's right! Before we left Inazuma, Y/N mentioned something about wanting to reconnect an old bridge with an old friend. How did it go with Thoma, Y/N?" Paimon innocently queried.

The sister's attempt in getting a small spoonful of her Moon Pie failed miserably as her fingers slipped and her utensil flew off her hand and onto the floor. Her brothers directed their attention back to her, one with an accusatory look and the other with interest.

"Thoma as in the boy who gave you a flower crown when you were 5? He's alive?" Diluc grumbled as he leaned in onto the table, his red eyes staring into his sister's soul. A chuckle sounded from her left, "Well, Diluc, do you know any other boys our dear sister has ever been with?" Kaeya poked fun at their eldest, placing his head on the palm of his hand. "There are more boys?" Diluc deadpanned.

Y/N buried her face into her hands in embarrassment and silently cursed at Paimon and her blabbing, "Yes, Diluc, the same boy who gave me the cecilia flower crown and Kaeya please don't make this worse."

Adelinde neared her side of the table and quietly placed a new spoon for her to use as she tenderly rubbed her back as if to noiselessly encourage her. She whispered her thanks and leaned back on her chair and looked at Diluc, "I will try my best to give a brief 'summary' of what exactly happened to me in Inazuma and spare you the...intimate parts."

"Oh? You have been intimate with him then."

"I would appreciate it if you do not open your mouth for the rest of the night, Kaeya, if you don't want to take Thoma's place from being throttled."

After a not-so-long explanation of Y/N's Inazuma exploitation which was mostly interrupted by Diluc's unnecessary comments and Kaeya's teasing remarks which made Y/N blush hard.

Diluc eyed his sister with squinted eyes as he tried to process the information she gave him. After a minute, he eventually gave in and slowly stood up from the table, "So long as he protected you and is trusted by the traveler, I will trust him as well. However, before I give my final verdict, I would like to meet him."

And with that said, he trudged away the table and up to his office. The table was silent after Diluc left but quickly recovered as Y/N let out a loud groan. "Oh my Archons, that was more difficult than confessing my feelings." she whined as she grabbed the bottle of wine and poured more into her glass. "At least you managed to tell him without those lovey-dovey details you gave me," Kaeya mused as he took a sip of his wine.

Paimon nods her head in agreement, "You got that right! It was almost sickening to witness the so-called confession when all they did was kis-"

"PAIMON, ZIP IT BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A STICKY HONEY ROAST!"

Kaeya laughed at his sister going at it with the traveler's flying companion. His shoulders weighed less now that he sees his sister safe and happy, "I will be rooting for you and Thoma, dear sister. Wouldn't want to see you at Cape Oath once again slaughtering the poor slimes."

Y/N seized her body and her fingers hastily found each other and began to fidget, "...Well, if Thoma isn't the man who can make me feel this way, I wouldn't miss him so much that it almost hurts. Almost-- DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, PAIMON!"

"If that's the case, should we expect a little niece or nephew any time soon?"

"Kaeya for the last time--"

<<~~~~~~~~~~>>

The Windcoming Day has finally arrived and the people of Mondstadt gathered around Springvale for the toasting ceremony, their spirits filled with radiance and elation. However, Y/N was not feeling the same spirits as them as she walked towards the Statue of the Seven at Windrise. Y/N bowed her head and held her hands together, her silent prayer to the Anemo Archon flowed along the wind.

"I knew I felt a familiar presence nearby!" a friendly voice chirped from behind her. She sighed and turned around and saw the green-clad bard gently smiling at her, "Why did I think you wouldn't hear me?" she rhetorically asked under her breath.

Venti placed a hand to his chest in feign hurt, "What kind of God would I be if I would not be able to hear my children's prayers? Of course I'd hear you! I normally just don't show up in person." he playfully answered her. "So what ails my dear child's heart and who is this lad that managed to pull on your strings with such vigor."

Y/N exhaled and hugged herself before she responded, "It's not that important, really. I just...miss him much more than I thought. I have never really felt like this before with my past, uh, partners." she woefully mumbled before she shook her head. "Ugh, why am I even telling you this when you should be worrying about your so-called appearance later as Barbatos."

The Anemo Archon walked up to her and stood next to her, his green eyes wandered up the statue, "You know, I'm actually surprised you came here and prayed to me. I haven't heard you pray in years, made me believe you lost your faith in me."

"If I were to be honest with you, I did lose my faith after two very important people in my life within a week." she confessed quietly to the Archon next to her. "However, after witnessing how you worked when Dvalin was brainwashed by The Abyss Order, my faith seemed to return little by little."

She felt Venti stand a bit straighter as his ego rise, she rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip. "My faith in Barbatos returned, but my faith in Venti? Yeah, I'm not so sure about that." she teased him.

"Your words wound me sometimes, Lady Y/N! Never mind that, I would like to hear more of your troubles before we set off to Springvale for the toasting ceremony." Venti offered, a smile on his face emerged as he saw Y/N facial features softened at the thought of her beloved.

<<~~~~~~~~~~>>

"Do my eyes deceive me or is that Miss Lisa I see?" Y/N expressed playfully. Lisa giggled at her, "Oh my, hello there Miss Y/N. Fancy seeing you at a festival for once. Is it safe to assume that you don't have any work to do?" Lisa poked fun at her, her signature smirk formed on her lips. Y/N waved a hand at her, "Please, I still have to go and check Angel's Share's stall in a bit to make sure every thing is going smoothly. Are you here for Razor? I spoke with the traveler about them helping the poor boy recreate the wine his late parents made."

Lisa sighed as her eyes softened a bit, "Yes, I actually came here since I was still concerned but I spoke with my little wolf cub and reassured me that the wine-making went smoothly." she disclosed to Y/N. She nodded her head, feeling relieved to hear that it went well.

The two continued to chat until the Acting Grand Master stood up on the small stage set up to greet everyone and announce Venti's performance.

As Venti performed, his soothing voice drifted along the wind as too his lyre's tune. The audience was silent and watched him beautifully presented his composition.

When he finished, the crowd applauded him as they preached, "To the Anemo Archon!"

Y/N robotically excused herself from Lisa and silently moved to their stall. She would've approached the traveler's group, but she felt ill and anxious at the joyous event being held as she never really was one for such affair.

She busied herself at the back of the stall, checking the amount of barrels they had in stock as she was feeling restless. When she was about to clean the countertop when she felt the wind pick up, the stall's bell chimed along. She moved her hands to tie up her hair when she heard a whisper that came along the wind.

"Ease thy heart filled with woe; for the wind has brought home your beau."

Y/N froze and her heart sped up its pace, "What do you mean by that?" she whispered, half expecting Venti would respond, as she finished up tying her hair. She continued to clean the countertop in an attempt to stop thinking about what the wind whispered while she inaudibly cursed at Venti for sending the wind instead of himself, footsteps approached the stall.

She mentally prepared herself to interact with the customer and mustered up her best customer service voice, "Welcome to Angel's Share! What would you like to- Holy shit!"

Immediately she slapped her hands to her mouth, ignoring the stinging pain on both her hands and face as her eyes felt hot as she stared at the person in shock.

Thoma gave her his best smile and waved, "Hi, I would like to have your special Fruits of the Festival please. Oh and if it's allowed, I would love it if I could speak with the barkeeper." he requested gleefully.

"What are you doing here?" was the smartest sentence she gave to him. Thoma chuckled and pulled out a sheet of paper, "My Lord actually bought me ticket behind my back and said something along the lines of 'take this long overdue vacation back to Mondstadt and enjoy your time their at the festival' before he practically kicked me out hahaha."

Without any thought, she quickly moved out of the stall and wrapped her arms around him, "What the hell, remind me to punch Ayato in the face next time." Y/N mumbled as tears managed to escape her eyes. Thoma hugged her back tighter and swayed them side to side.

They pulled back and Y/N immediately grabbed his face and kissed him to which he reciprocated. The people whistled and cheered at the couple while The Traveler and Paimon covered Klee's eyes.

"You're here," she whispered against his lips as soon as they pulled apart, her thumbs rubbed the apples of his cheeks. "How long would you be staying here?" she asked.

Thoma mirrored her motions and smiled at her, "I'll be here for a really long time, darling."

Y/N's breath hitched as she looked up to her lover's eyes, "What do you mean by that?" she asked him. Thoma held her hands and leaned into her touch, "My Lord not only bought me the tickets for a month's of vacation but also offered a proposal that within the month I can choose to either stay here for good or I can return home to Inazuma. I had enough time to think about it on the way here and I chose that my home is where you are." he explained to her.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Thoma chose to stay with her in Mondstadt when he has told her countless times that he felt at home in Inazuma despite being homesick. "Wait are you sure you don't need more time to think about this? Where will you stay? Does your mom know you're back? Oh my Archons, I haven't visited your mom yet either-"

"Darling," Thoma interrupted her rambles. "Like I said, I had enough time to think about this. I will be staying with my mother before getting my own place to stay, so you don't need to worry about that."

Y/N bit her lip as she contemplated the situation. She has dreamed about this moment and now that it's happening, she began feeling unsure. She shook her head to get rid of the negative thoughts and smiled up at him, "You have no idea how long I've wanted you to come to Mondstadt with me."

Thoma laughed and kissed the palm of her hand, "I'm pretty sure you have been asking me for months back in Inazuma." Y/N moved her hand to fiddle with the collar of his jacket and smirked, "So I really got you now, huh." she teased as she leaned in for another kiss.

"You really do got me, Mi'lady. I'm all yours."

"That's really cute you're using that tone on me right now but I think you have to meet my brothers first before we do anything here."

"O-Oh, right."

*scrambles off the messy heap of pillows* IM FINALLY DONE

this was so hard to make bc i wanted this to be written perfectly but i still feel like its missing smth and its a bit rushed (also maybe bc every time i write them being lovely i get jealous :>) anyways, hope y'all enjoyed this one!

[hyunbunlix]

Ceasefire [hitman!Felix]

Characters: Felix, older fem!OC, Hyunjin (mentioned), Jeongin (mentioned) Rating: A/O for Adults Only Content Warnings/Tags: preexisting polyamory with HyunIn, enemies to lovers, narcotics for pain management, sex while under the influence of narcotics (m), submissive Felix, establishment of safe word, bondage (restrained hands and arms), cunt eating, unprotected penetration, consensual non-consent, raw male orgasm, crying during sex (m), thorough aftercare Word Count: 5,808 Summary: Tired of fighting, Felix follows through on his promise to lay down arms for good. It wasn't his intention to get quite this vulnerable, though... Note: This is part of a larger John Wick AU, which can be found here.

Felix spent three long days at the New York Continental Hotel in a painkiller haze. He did little more than eat, sleep, and bathe, which was fine with him. The narcotics even ensured he didn’t dream, which was great for his already heavy conscience. It had been a long time since he’d well and truly rested.

            When a knock came at his door on the third day, he hauled himself out of bed, feeling slightly disconnected from his body. The only reason he felt confident in knowing this wasn’t a dream was due to their general absence while he was medicated.

            It became a little harder to trust that, though, when he saw Blackbox in his doorway. Thus far, Hyun Jin had been playing errand boy between them; she’d never come to see Felix personally.

            “Hitting them a little hard, wouldn’t you say?” she asked, taking in his rumpled appearance as Felix shoved his blond curtain bangs back out of his face. Felix was grateful she spoke in English; he wasn’t sure how well his secondary and tertiary languages would fire right then.

            “Just taking the edge off,” he said, his voice a little rough from sleep. His thoughts were ping-ponging between English and Korean, and he was grateful Blackbox was fluent in both in case he couldn’t come up with the right word in one or the other. “Don’t worry, if I was going to get hooked on a substance it would have happened a long time ago.”

            “May I come in?” she said. He nodded, moving aside.

            “How are you feeling?” she asked, taking a seat on the sofa. Felix shrugged and chose to remain standing.

            “I’ve been worse,” he said. “I’m bored, but at least I’m not in agony anymore. I’m grateful for that.”

            He couldn’t quite bring himself to thank her directly, but the slight softening in her gaze said she took it that way.

            “Well, you’re in luck then, because I’ve come to take you away from purgatory for a bit,” she said. “If you’re feeling up for it, that is.”

            “I can barely feel a thing right now, so I can probably handle it,” he said. “Where are we going?”

            “The aquarium,” she said. He stared at her, sure he’d misheard.

            “The . . . aquarium?” he repeated.

            “Mmhmm. It’s about an hour away by train, but I think you’ll like it. I always have,” she said.

            Felix blamed the narcotics entirely for his lack of filter when he asked, “Is this a date?”

            She laughed. “Please. You haven’t earned that privilege. No, think of this like an interview.”

            “Fair enough,” Felix sighed. “Give me a minute, will you?”

            She leaned back on the hotel sofa, looking more at home in the room than he’d felt all week. “Take all the time you need.”

            As Felix went to brush his teeth, tidy his hair, and change his clothes, he wondered if the reason she had given him the narcotics in the first place was to impair his judgment and make him less dangerous. He didn’t know how to tell her that he didn’t have any fight left in him. She was a smart woman; he supposed she would simply figure it out.

There was no reason for her to take Felix to the aquarium. No reason except she was going to have to talk to him eventually, and she really wanted to go to the aquarium. 

            The facility was enormous. There was an entire outdoor section that was half garden, half wildlife sanctuary; the aquarium building itself had two floors and exhibits of ridiculous sizes and scales. 

            The first thing she hauled him to was the petting tank, where smaller sharks and rays swam in an oval-shaped pool for visitors to gently touch.

            “Two fingers,” she said, before reaching down to stroke along the back of a passing shark. After pausing to remove the rings from his right hand, one of which she recognized as hers, Felix reached into the pool as well.

            “They’re so smooth,” Felix muttered, his voice even and pleasant. It was peculiar to see him in a situation where he passed for a regular person.

            “Right? At least, they are when you follow the rules and pet from front to back,” she said, feeling pretty pleasant herself. “I remember being so surprised when I first did this as a kid.”

            Felix hummed in acknowledgment, touching a ray next. A smile turned the corners of his lips up. She cursed herself for thinking he was pretty. This man had tried to kill her twice. He didn’t get to be pretty. Then again, he had also written his surrender in his own blood, so maybe he was allowed to be a little pretty.

            After they’d gotten their fill and washed their hands, they continued through the aquarium, peering at horseshoe crabs, eels, jellies. Finally, they passed through a few exhibits that grew progressively dimmer and eventually came to the ocean realm theater.

            The ocean realm theater was exactly what it sounded like, where instead of a movie screen the tiered seating looked onto a massive pane of glass the size of one. It was just one window into the largest tank in the entire aquarium, holding over seven hundred thousand gallons of water.

            “Holy shit,” Felix muttered as they descended the steps to get closer. “How did this not terrify you when you were little?”

            She laughed quietly. “Who says it didn’t? I had at least a couple vivid nightmares about the glass breaking and drowning before a shark could even get to me.”

            “Gruesome,” he said, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

            “Are you feeling okay?” she asked him. “Do you need to sit for a while?”

            “That would be nice,” he answered, and they moved back to find a seat while she checked her phone. 

            “Looks like one of the presentations will be starting in a little bit. We can stay for that, and you can use the time to rest,” she said, glancing at him. Even in the dim lighting, she caught the peculiar look he was giving her.

            “You should want to see me suffer,” he said, averting his eyes.

            “I have seen you suffer,” she said quietly. “I didn’t enjoy it.”

            His gaze shifted back up to meet hers, and his remorse settled in her chest like a physical weight. He’d almost killed her, and she’d grievously wounded him in return. She wouldn’t apologize for it, but she hadn’t liked it, either. His eyes dipped to the floor before he turned his attention back to the tank. A hammerhead shark swam leisurely by.

            “I can see why Hyun Jin likes you,” he said softly. “He’s always been attracted to kindness, as though by being near it he might make up for what he lacks. He’s had trouble in the past differentiating between ‘nice’ and ‘kind,’ though. I think he finally got it right with you.”

            “I’m not that kind,” she deferred.

            “Maybe not,” Felix said, “but you’re fair, and that feels like the same thing in this fucked up world of ours.”

            She said nothing to that because there wasn’t anything to say. They let several minutes of silence tick past.

            Finally, Felix broke it, his voice softer still, like he wasn’t sure he wanted her to hear. “I feel like you’re going to forgive me before I deserve it.”

            She watched his side profile carefully. He gave nothing away, but he wouldn’t look at her. He sounded bone tired, his normally squared shoulders caving a little.

            “I’ll try not to,” she said. He bowed his head a little at that. Mercifully, the presenter arrived then and started talking about sharks and sea turtles.

After they finished touring the aquarium, they went back to the Continental, where she offered to treat Felix to dinner.

            “You said earlier this wasn’t a date, right?” Felix asked after they had put their orders in. “Or did I hallucinate that?”

            “As much as I want to say you hallucinated it simply to fuck with your perception of reality, I’m not feeling particularly cruel today. It’s not a date. But it has been a nice day, and I do feel a little bad about leaving you cooped up in here,” she said.

            “I think boredom is the least of the punishments you deserve to give me,” he said.

            “You’ve already given me your entire databank and a Marker representing your blood oath to me. I’m not sure there’s much more I could do to punish you short of death or mutilation,” she said.

            “Are you feeling terribly macabre today?” he asked in an even tone like they were talking about something trivial, like internet service providers.

            “Not really,” she said just as flippantly.

            “Then I live to die another day,” he said, sipping water through a straw. He knew better than to mix alcohol and narcotics. He did not know better than to push the limits of this tentative alliance.

            “There’s something else that’s been bothering me,” he said after letting the quiet linger for a minute. She looked at him, inquisitive. “The night of the extraction operation, you sucked me off. But I still haven’t returned the favor, and I actually feel really bad about it.”

            She laughed, bewildered. “You guys always have that one thing, don’t you?”

            Felix stared at her, deeply confused. “What do you mean?”

            “Like Hwang’s thing with cheaters. He literally kills people for a living, but he draws the line at infidelity. Then there’s you, who tried to kill me not once but twice, and the thing you feel bad about is being perceived as a selfish lover? It’s madness,” she said.

            “To be fair,” Felix said, sobering a little more, “I also feel bad about trying to kill you. Hence the blood oath.”

            She watched him closely, probably looking for any sign of deceit. She wouldn’t find any.

            “You know I don’t need anything of the sort from you, right? I have two perfectly functional men at home that give great head,” she said.

            “Of course I know that. I wouldn’t delude myself into thinking you need anything from me, sexual or otherwise. I just wanted you to know that should you want to even the score, I’m willing,” he said. Her gaze was steel.

            “You must realize how suspicious that sounds. The last time you tried to kill me we were literally in bed together. Why would I trust you enough to be vulnerable in front of you ever again?” she demanded.

            “Don’t trust me, then,” he said, the easiest answer in the world. “Just cuff me or something.”

            He could have sat there and feigned nonchalance, but they both knew he’d had nothing but too much time to think about things over the last several days.

            Something in her eyes sharpened, darkened, giving away her interest as she leaned back in her seat. “I’ll think about it,” she said. She then promptly took out her phone and typed for a minute. Probably fielding opinions from Hyun Jin and I.N. Felix didn’t have a full grasp on their exact relationship dynamic, but it made sense to him that they would have full veto power, especially in a situation like this.

            Their food came, and Felix focused on that, giving her the mental time and space she deserved.

            “If we’re going to be working together for the foreseeable future,” she said eventually, changing the subject, “then we’re going to have to figure out somewhere to put you up other than here.”

            “I can talk to Hyun Jin,” Felix said. “He’s probably looking into getting a place around here so he can be closer to you while on this side of the world. Maybe he and I could be roommates again.”

            “You two used to live together?” she asked, incredulous. Felix supposed that made sense; when she’d first come into contact with them they’d already been feuding.

            “Yeah,” Felix said. “We used to do a lot of things together.”

            She hummed in acknowledgment but didn’t pry. Felix appreciated it.

When Felix unlocked the door to his suite and let Blackbox inside, he honestly couldn’t believe it was happening. He closed the door, bolted it, and watched her stride to the bed like this was her room and he was the visitor.

            “Do you even have cuffs?” she asked skeptically, perching on the bed and crossing her legs at the knee.

            “Not with me,” he said. “I packed light and that was the last thing I thought I was going to need.”

            “Oh well,” she said. “We’ll just have to make do.”

            “Do you know how to do cuffs with a belt?” he asked her. She snorted.

            “Of course I do.”

            He unbuckled his belt, crossing the room while pulling it through the loops. He handed it to her, and she looked him up and down for a moment before taking it.

            “What’s your safe word?” she asked.

            “Ryzen,” he said. She laughed out loud.

            “Are you fucking serious?”

            “Yeah,” he said, his lips pulling into a grin. “Nothing is more deeply unsexy than mentioning computer parts mid-fuck. It’s literally guaranteed to make it all stop.”

            “How often does it make people want to not fuck you in the first place?” she teased, twisting his belt in her hands, forming double-loop cuffs like she’d done it a hundred times before. She had the air of an experienced domme, and she clearly had a lot of sex, so Felix wouldn’t have been surprised if that was the case.

            “Most people don’t recognize the name. More people know about the Intel processor line, but not as many are familiar with AMD. Now, if my safe word was Pentium I’d probably get a much stronger reaction. I’m kind of surprised you knew the Ryzen series right off,” he said.

            “I know everything. It’s my job,” she said, trying to suppress her grin. “Now stop talking and get naked, you big nerd.”

            Maybe he should have felt embarrassed, stripping all the way down while she watched his every move, but this woman had already swallowed his cum once so it felt like a pointless reaction. He dropped his clothes into a pile at the foot of the bed, and when he turned his attention back to her, she was looking him over with a gaze meant to devour.

            Peculiar, since tonight was supposed to be the other way around.

            She stood up and walked a slow circle around him, surveying him from every angle. Despite his resolution, that kind of attention made his ears flush pink, luckily hidden by his shaggy blond hair. He wondered how he stacked up to Hyun Jin and I.N in her eyes.

            Coming to a stop in front of him, she held up the cuffs she’d made from his belt and he obediently slipped his wrists into the loops. She adjusted the fit, testing the band with her finger on each side to make sure it didn’t bite into his skin. 

            Even so, she still asked, “Is it too tight?”

            He shook his head. “No. It feels fine.”

            “Good,” she said, and then she started to strip. For what Felix meant to do, she really didn’t need to take off as much as she did. A minute later, the only thing that remained on her body was a black racerback bra that made her cleavage look amazing.

            “Fuck,” Felix muttered. As far as torment went, this was a damn good option.

            She settled a pillow on the floor next to the bed for his knees, and then glanced at him one more time, taking in his half-hard length in the process.

            “You get off on serving?” she asked him. 

            “I get off on my partner’s happiness,” he amended. The left corner of her mouth picked up at that.

            “Come here, Yong Bok.”

            He knelt on the pillow.

            “When was your last dose of oxy?” she asked him.

            “Hours ago, before we left for the aquarium,” he answered, gazing up at her.

            “Will you take another half for me now?”

            He nodded, not bothering to ask why. If she wanted to put him through his paces, he wouldn’t complain. She plucked the bottle off the nightstand and placed the tiny half-moon on his tongue. He swallowed it.

            “Have you ever had sex on narcotics before?” she asked next. He shook his head, unable to take his eyes off her. When he’d said he was surrendering, he’d meant it.

            “No,” he said. She chuckled.

            “I’ll make sure you have a good experience.”

            “I thought this was about you,” he murmured.

            “It’ll certainly start that way,” she said, fanning her legs open for him.

            He didn’t have to be verbally convinced. An eager throb went through his length as he leaned forward to swipe long licks up her center, acquainting himself with her taste. He made a soft sound of approval. The taste of her heat forced him to recall the taste of her tongue, which made him think of the blowjob she’d given him. His cock twitched up again, the memory of that night (before he’d ruined it) making her taste that much sweeter, his determination to please her that much more intense.

            He delved his tongue into her pussy, making her moan sweetly, alternating his efforts between her cunt and her clit, eager to make her unwind. He knew it would take time and considerable effort, but that didn’t deter or intimidate him; if anything, he relished the opportunity to grovel like this. What she’d said earlier had been true—she didn’t need him. So her consenting to be with him at all had to mean something, and he didn’t want to fuck up.

            By concentrating on the sounds she made, on the flinching of her thighs, on her fingers in his hair, he quickly learned what she liked and kept the pressure up. It would have been easier if he’d been able to use his hands, but she didn’t want this to be easy on him, and that was just as well. Having to work this hard to please made him all the more desperate to do it, to prove that he could.

            When she came, it was extremely obvious. Not only did her sounds completely change, her hips fidgeting against his mouth, but her taste shifted slightly, just enough for him to know what a good job he’d done. He curled his tongue inside her to take what he’d earned, which had the added bonus of stimulating her further, prolonging the orgasm. Finally, she started to taper and he pulled back. His face was damp with her wet, and he didn’t care. He stared up at her, waiting for direction.

            She brushed his hair out of his eyes, her gaze doing a slow sweep of him. His darkened eyes, his glistening chin, his bound wrists, and finally his aching erection. Her attention lingered there, her eyebrows rising slightly. He looked down at himself to see what had prompted that reaction, only to flush when he noticed. Not only was his tip leaking pre-cum, but it had drooled so profusely that a little puddle had formed on the pillow below him.

            “You want me that badly?” she asked him, her voice so soft, the opposite of what he’d expected. He looked up at her again.

            “Yes,” he answered honestly. What point was there in lying when the evidence was so obvious?

            “Do you think you deserve it?” she asked next.

            “No,” he answered without hesitation. A faint smile ghosted against her lips.

            “Good boy,” she said. Crossing her legs at the knee again, she took the tissue box off the nightstand and started cleaning up his face. Felix let his eyes close halfway, enjoying the tender attention.

            “How are you feeling?” she asked him.

            “Fine,” he said.

            “No pain anywhere?”

            “No pain,” he confirmed. He felt a little lightheaded, but that had nothing to do with his physical durability.

            “Would you like to keep going?”

            “Yes,” he said, opening his eyes to meet hers. “Please.”

            She stood and disposed of the tissues, then pulled the case off one of the pillows, winding it in her hands until it resembled a rope. “Lie down on the bed, Felix.”

            He did as she said, not an ounce of fight in him as she tied his bound wrists to the headboard above him. “You know how to make this all stop,” she reminded as she checked the tightness, ensuring he couldn’t escape. Felix appreciated the check-in.

            “I don’t want it to stop,” he said. She toyed with the rose gold band on his right ring finger, her first acknowledgment of him wearing the ring she’d left on his finger the night she’d knocked him out, the night he’d tried to smother her.

            “I suppose you wouldn’t,” she said, thoughtful. Then she kissed him, and Felix melted. She pressed her tongue into his mouth, no doubt tasting herself, and he moaned. He was unable to hold still, his hips twitching up, but she was positioned in such a way that he couldn’t rub his cock on any part of her, couldn’t get any friction, any relief.

            “Poor baby,” she said, drawing back. The kindness from a few minutes ago was gone; Felix was equally attracted to both halves of her. Pampering or punishment, he didn’t care so long as he had her attention. “If only you could use your cock on something.”

            “Please,” he moaned. Her attention was split between his length and his face, his cock twitching whenever she looked at it.

            “Please what?” she asked, meeting his eyes.

            “Please use me,” he said. “Please treat me like a human dildo. Please use my body to get off. It’s there and ready and begging for you, so please just take it.”

            She brushed his hair aside and kissed him again. Then she took her bra off as she straddled his hips. He sighed raggedly, his only regret that he couldn’t touch or taste her tits now that they were free.

            “I’m going to hold you to that,” she said, her cunt dangerously close to the head of his cock now. He fidgeted, but she’d accounted for it, staying just barely out of reach. He whined in frustration. “A good toy would stay hard until I’m finished . . . A good toy won’t come in the middle of my fun and ruin it . . . Do you understand?”

            “Yes,” he said. “I won’t come without permission. I’ll be good.”

            He said it confidently, but with how badly he wanted her, he wasn’t certain it was a promise he could actually keep.

            She sank down onto him bit by slick, glorious bit, and both the sight and feeling of it drew a throaty moan out of him. She showed off for him after that, drawing all the way up and sliding all the way down, giving him a flawless view of her cunt swallowing his cock. He was already feeling dizzy, whether from his arousal or the narcotics kicking in or some combination he couldn’t be sure, and he almost couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

            His expression must have said as much because she laughed softly. “I hope you’re aware of how lucky you are,” she said. He nodded, managing to rip his gaze away from the place their bodies met long enough to look her in the face.

            “I’m well aware,” he said. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”

            It was a loaded statement, but a true one. He was acutely aware not only of the pleasure of her on his cock, but of the way she refused to use his torso for support, the way she was doing her best to keep her weight off him, relying wholly on her own strength. After everything he’d put her through, she was trying not to hurt him.

            He wasn’t sure how much pain she could have caused him right then anyway, blitzed as he was, but her efforts didn’t go unnoticed. It was consideration he felt he hadn’t earned yet craved all the same.

            “Will you kiss me again?” he asked impulsively. She blinked, caught off guard, but leaned over him, moving one hand from where it’d been planted onto the bed to cup the back of his neck and claim his lips with hers. He moaned at that, enveloping her lips as ardently as he could, flirting with the idea of his tongue, surprised when she let him slip it into her mouth. She kept rocking on his cock the entire time.

            When they finally broke apart there was spit connecting their lips. Felix felt dazed. She remained leaning over his body, enjoying the angle, continuing to fuck herself back onto him. She didn’t slow down, not a single stutter in her hips, just an onslaught of hard, deep strokes.

            With a distant sense of alarm, Felix realized he wasn’t going to be able to take it. Somewhere between the painkillers and the pleasure and his inability to move or get away, his mind and body both felt on the verge of shattering.

            And he liked it.

            He started to struggle.

            “You’re gonna make me come,” he protested, trying to shift his hips to lessen her pressure, but it was no use, not with his arms strung up the way they were. “You told me not to come without permission but you’re going to make me do it anyway, you’re going to force me.”

            “Don’t you fucking dare, Felix,” she warned, her eyes sharp on his face, though her voice wasn’t unkind. He trusted her to honor his safe word, but he didn’t want to use it. He liked feeling out of control, fully at the mercy of someone else.

            “I’m trying,” he moaned, squeezing his eyes shut. The sensation of her around his cock was intense, addling his already scrambled thoughts. “Fuck I’m trying but I can’t— I can’t—”

            “Figure it the fuck out, Felix,” she said, her voice a little harsher now, slipping further into her own role as Felix drowned in his. “I’m not done with you so don’t you dare come inside me.”

            Felix wasn’t aware of when he’d started to tear up, but when he opened his eyes to look at her again, they ran down his face unbidden. “Please, I can’t stop it, you have to stop,” he begged. Her expression was unmoved as she gazed down at him, no hesitation in her, forcing his cock as deeply inside her as she could. Her expression repeated what she’d said earlier: You know how to make this all stop.

            But he didn’t want it to, and she wouldn’t break the character of the scene by saying it out loud a second time.

            “Stop, I’m—”

            And that was the end of him. With tears streaming down his face, his eyes rolled back in his skull, his hips twitching up violently against her. The sounds he made were guttural, animal. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d come this hard, his orgasm tearing through his whole body, making him shake. Still she didn’t stop, riding him hard through his orgasm, driving him mad with stimulation. That’s when he heard her whine, coupled with the feeling of her cunt spasming around his cock telling him she’d found her orgasm, too.

            But Felix only barely registered any of that. He was too far gone.

She was never going to recover from seeing Felix cry. At first, she thought it was simply because he was a gorgeous crier, but as they came down from their orgasms and he didn’t calm in the slightest, she realized this had to do with a lot more than just sex.

            It had happened to her before, where an exceptionally demanding sex session had opened the floodgates for every emotion she’d been keeping inside for weeks or more, bawling her eyes out long after the high had passed. She recognized it in Felix now for what it was.

            She pulled off him, both of them dripping, trembling messes, and quickly undid his restraints. She guided his arms back down to their proper position and immediately started rubbing his shoulders and extremities to soothe any stiffness or numbness he may have sustained. Felix couldn’t take his eyes off her while she did it, but he couldn’t pull himself together, either, and that was fine.

            “It’s okay, Felix,” she murmured. “You’re all right. You’re safe. I promise you’re safe. Let it out, sweetheart.”

            The pet name pulled a different kind of sob from him, and she drew him into her arms, where he promptly buried his face in her neck and cried harder. She ran soothing hands up and down his back, noticing with her touch for the first time the scar along his spine: the old bullet wound that had first devastated him. 

            “Please don’t make me sleep alone tonight,” he pleaded.

            “I won’t,” she said without hesitation. “I would never leave you alone like this. I’m not going anywhere until you’re all right. I promised to take care of you, and I will.”

            He nodded against her neck, pressing closer to her until he was basically in her lap. She couldn’t imagine pushing him away, not right now, and she tried not to think about the potentially far-reaching implications of that.

            She let one hand play with his hair, murmuring placations to him until he started to calm down.

            “We need to clean up now,” she said gently. “Can you handle taking a shower?”

            “Not by myself,” he said. God, she hadn’t meant to fracture him so deeply.

            “Of course not, lovely. I’ll be right there to help you,” she assured. He nodded and let her escort him to the washroom, but not before she’d grabbed a couple of water bottles from the mini-fridge. He guzzled his while she got the shower going.

            Once they were comfortable in the water and steam, she gently took stock of him while she washed his body. She made sure he was clean of sex residue, of course, but looked over his scars and wounds, too. She was pleased to see his forearm healing nicely from where she’d bitten him weeks ago during their first altercation. She lifted his arm and gently kissed both sides of the closed wound.

            She didn’t apologize because she wasn’t sorry about defending herself, but she hoped it was clear that she didn’t want to cause him any more pain. He looked at her then like she was the sun after a long night, and she wished he wouldn’t.

            “Can I tell you something?” he said softly. He traded place with her, giving her time under the water, and leaned against the tiled shower wall.

            “Of course,” she said. He looked at the floor for a moment, like he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to speak at all. She reached to brush his cheek with her fingertips and he looked at her again. “You can tell me.”

            “While you were infiltrating Lee Know’s ranks . . . Before you got caught . . . I wished I had gotten to you before Hyun Jin did,” he said. “During the extraction op, while we were on watch together . . . I never should have tried to hurt you. Not just because it was wrong, but because I liked you . . . I felt twice as upset because I liked you. I liked you, and Hyun Jin replaced me with you and I.N, and I didn’t know how to handle it, so I tried to shut my brain off and just follow orders. But I’m happy you stopped me. I’m happy Hyun Jin has you. And I’m happy for whatever time I’m able to be near you both, in whatever role you need me to play. It doesn’t matter to me. I just . . . I don’t want to be alone again.”

            It was so much more than she expected, so much more than she felt equipped to handle. So instead she moved closer to him and gently kissed his forehead, his starry cheeks, his lips.

            “We’ll figure it out,” she said, because it was the only thing she knew for sure. “We’re in this together now . . . I don’t want to hurt you anymore, and I don’t think you want to hurt me, either.”

            “I don’t,” he confirmed, and he looked so earnest, so remorseful, that it almost thawed her heart. “You don’t know how relieved I am that I didn’t succeed . . . I’ve never been so happy to fail at something in my entire life.”

            She smiled, chuckling a little. “That makes two of us,” she said, as though she wasn’t joking about her life itself.

            When they got out of the shower, she helped Felix dry off, relieved that he seemed to be coming back to himself. They got dressed and she ordered food up to his suite, and they ate sitting atop the bed (minus the topmost blanket, which was basically ruined).

            “I’m feeling a lot better now,” Felix said as they finished up their meal. “You don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want to.”

            “I said I would stay, so I’ll stay,” she said. “Unless you really want me to go, that is. I’ll respect your wishes either way.”

            “I don’t want to sleep alone,” he reiterated. The way he looked at her was so vulnerable, and she got the idea she could have tried to stab him with her fork and he wouldn’t have put much effort into fighting her off.

            “Then I’ll stay.”

            After letting Jeong In and Hyun Jin know she wouldn’t be coming home that night and why (which Jeong In seemed deeply uncertain about), she quickly discovered Felix liked to cuddle. Once they were under the sheets, he wanted to be as close to her as possible. Maybe he hadn’t fully recovered, after all. Or maybe this was just the way he truly was underneath his killer’s veneer.

            “Is this okay?” he asked her. They were curled close together, face to face, with their legs tangled and Felix’s head resting on her arm. Her free hand trailed gingerly along his bare side, and he shivered a little, his eyes looking abruptly shy.

            “It’s okay,” she confirmed. “As long as it doesn’t aggravate your back.”

            “It’s fine,” he assured. “I’d tell you if it wasn’t.”

            “Wake me if you need anything,” she said. He nodded, before shifting his body a little so he could tuck his head under her chin.

            “Good night,” he said, his breath warm against her sternum, “and thank you.”

            “Don’t worry about it,” she murmured, fighting the desire to bury her nose in his hair.

[punkeropercyjackson]

The blue tea on the wide acceptance of bi boy crazy Percy vs the obscurity of trans femme Percy is Pjo fans are so obsessed with the male characters and bashing and erasing the female ones it clouds their reading comprehension to the extent they think Percy is the same,when she's absolutely not.Percy has always,constantly and nonstop been written as defying traditional manhood and this includes being a misandrist who thinks women are inherently better.And the thing is,it ain't 'internalized homophobia' because Percy IS right to hate men and perfer girls since she has way more reasons to love and respect the other women in the franchise than she does the boys since with the exception Hera,they're not abusive to her like they are!Like please be real,why is Percy's perception and views on men wrong?

Poseidon is a deadbeat who acts emotionally constipated instead of loving despite claiming she's his favorite,Smelly Gabe was physically and emotionally abusive no holding back,most of her bullies were boys,Luke groomed her into trusting him as the first positive adult male figure she thought she finally had only to have been framing her for a crime HE commited and take her to a secluded spot to try to kill her in the reveal after he traumadumping to her then spent 4 years straight as a serial pedophile in love with THREE of her female friends and a fascist who groomed an entire army's worth of kids she went to summer camp with just like he'd done her AND pretty much all the male gods she's interacted with exploited her to be their matyr

All the actual good men she knows are exceptions,not rules-Grover was her best friend before the trauma came fullforce and is emasculated often,Beckendorf was to her what she'd thought and wished Luke would've been because he was a black king instead of a white pig,Ethan was also an moc and Luke's victim like her,Frank is her cousin and an moc and constantly emasculated too,Jason and her met when she had amnesia and he's the personification of positive and healthy masculinity and Nico is completely nonthreating because he's a little kid compared to her and they have history and it resulted in them basically adopting eachother as an older sister/pseudo-mom and a little brother/pseudo-son

The rest of them have never given her any reason to change her mind or tried to get better so objectively,Percy makes way more as a transfem girlypop than as a genderconforming bi man and 'slutty bisexual Percy' is just fishing for brownie points for unneeded rep as almost every this verse's canon lgbt characters are mlm and it's ooc so that's why Rick said he never intended it and isn't gonna do it!Because it's not like of Percy to.The Pjo fandom has a staggering misogyny problem and this is pretty clearly shown in the hatefulness towards transfem Percy for no reason,the cutting out Rachel as a canon well-written love interest to say Percy only likes blondes which is ironically enough also misogynistic to Annabeth as the cause of this due to the overlooking of her in-universe hatred of being blonde as it has gotten misogyny thrown at her for shallow stereotyping of conventionally attractive fems and the leadup of Percy crushing on every and i do mean every blonde man in the franchise,including her aformentioned racist groomer and an older man she thinks is an annoying privileged manchild and never wants to be around that disregards her discomfort and disdain with and towards him to act friendly

Percy is still Percy if she's a trans woman since it dosen't require changing her personality except for positives like transitioning boosting her self-confidence and mental health as it does for irl transfems and tgirl Percy truthers aren't the ones shipping an 18 year old mc with mentally middle aged men or making jokes about her sexually harrasing the gay minor she raised more than his own dad did or literally gentrifying a punk role model for neurodivergent kids so she can be a male power fantasy who's only allowed to be pretty and feminine if she's still a guy.Transfem Percy is for the girls and the cultured gays,bi boy crazy Percy is for the tenderqueers and the pick mes

[lbodraws]

Villain Agent 4 AU Character Files:

Captain 3/Three

Details:

[Current Status: Alive]

Age: 21

Height: The tallest in the New Squidbeak Splatoon (6ft 5"). Accidentally bangs their head on door frames a lot.

(For comparison; Eight is 5ft 6", V4 is 5ft 10", and Neo 3 is 5ft 8)

Pronouns: They/Them or He/Him. Nonbinary transmasc.

Orientation: Ace (sex positive)

Likes: Four/V4, working out and wrestling, cooking, making music, headphones, teaching Neo 3, being around Gramps

Dislikes: Being Captain (doesn't like the paperwork; wonders if they'll ever be as good as Gramps; worries about Neo 3 and Smallfry), their scar (they camouflage it most of the time, but the camouflage fails when they get angry or upset, or feel very strong emotions), trying to be social, Eight (but only sometimes), warm fruit, loud noises, crowds, being touched by people they don't trust

(Note: Captain 3 cares about Eight very much, they just get depressed over the fact that Four and Eight get on so well. They wish they could connect with other people so easily, and make it last.)

Other:

Usually a loner. But actually wants to make friends.

Autistic.

Misophonia haver.

Social anxiety. Avoidant. (Thinks they're not good enough and then isolates/pushes away type.)

Confides in Callie and Marie. Only people they open up to besides Four.

Eyebags.

C-PTSD. (Tartar based) (Their obsession with strength and hiding what they perceive as weaknesses stems from this. "If only I was stronger...", "If I'm strong I can protect everyone...")

Three and Four tried having a relationship, but it didn't work out. (Captain 3 had to rush to the Splatlands because of an emergency situation with the rest of the New Squidbeak Splatoon. The relationship didn't survive long distance. Or Three's unpaid phone bill.)

(Captain forgot to pay the phone bill, so they had no cell service for four years. Cap thought Four wasn't interested in them anymore and got with Eight instead, while Four felt like a distraction from Three's Agent work to pass the time.)

Cap thinks about the fight between them and Neo 3 a lot. Feels awful for hurting them and nearly unaliving them. (The fight left Neo 3 with scars all over their body.)

Believes they're only capable of hurting the people they love.

Burn scars from hypnobraces around wrists.

Right side of their face that was sanitized has reduced eye sight and hearing.

Weight gain after OE, and again after Part 2 onwards.

Doesn't speak unless spoken to type, unless the other person is a close friend, then they'll speak freely.

Quite shy and awkward, but can be direct and take initiative when needed.

When they experience strong emotions, they tend to accidentally blurt out the things they've been bottling up from other people. Prefers to hide their emotions from others whenever possible.

Relationships:

Cap > V4:

Met Four through Marie after the events of OE. Went on missions together and gradually became interested in one another.

Former partners. Relationship didn't survive long distance + zero communication because of an unpaid phone bill. Prior to the emergency in the Splatlands, their relationship to one another was dedicated and loving.

[Cap 3 Snaps animatic]: They both try and have an adult conversation about their relationship, but it devolves into blaming the other for what happened and arguing. Nail in the coffin for V4 AU Agent 12.

[Post Cap 3 Snaps animatic]: There's a lot of tension between them both. Cap has to supervise V4 after the other Agents felt it was best to take her off the field and be put on surveillance in case G.HO.S.T. makes a resurgence. Has to keep preventing her from stealing her hero gear from their office. Secretly likes it.

One hero jacket heist attempt ends up with the two of them kissing. V4 stops stealing into the office after that.

Cap > Eight:

Not what you would call friends, but not strangers to one another either. A secret third thing.

Helped Eight adjust to surface life by offering him a place to stay at their apartment. While not the best at academics, Three helped Eight with their Inklish.

May or may not have developed feelings for him whilst living together. We may never know. And neither will Three because they refuse to sit and work through it until they're forced to confront it (or said person confronts Three).

[Part 5]: Cap and Eight are at each other's throats. Both blame the other for not being there for V4 when she needed someone. Cap knows the blame lies with them primarily and accepts that, but refuses to let Eight escape any criticism on the matter, as he had more opportunities than Three to check in on V4. Both continue to be on bad terms with one another over V4.

[Post Cap 3 Snaps animatic]: Cap 3's paranoia about V4 dating Eight makes them artificially hate him. But in reality, Three knows that V4 will be happier with Eight than she was when they were originally together. Struggling with insecurities around being good enough and always hurting the people they love the most.

Cap > Callie:

Sibling dynamic.

Lets her do their hair and skin routine.

Admires how she always stays positive, despite everything. Knows she's still struggling with being hypnotised by the hypnoshades. They both open up to each other about their shared experiences of being hypnotised/brainwashed.

Cap > Marie:

That one friend from the bar dynamic.

Appreciates Marie but also finds her aggravating sometimes. (She unknowingly triggers Captain's sensory issues sometimes. Cap plays it off but it actually eats them up inside. Too sensitive to bring it up/doesn't want to disclose said sensory issues in case it changes the way Marie sees them.) ((If Marie knew about it, she'd do her utmost to not set Cap's sensory issues off.))

Cap > Neo 3:

Teacher and mentor. Found family.

Has a lot of regrets over the things they've done whilst active in the NSS. Wants to steer Neo away from their mistakes as an Agent.

Cap's nickname for Neo is Champ.

Has taken up sign language to better communicate with Neo.

[Post Part 1]: Being forced to attack Neo within an inch of their life has added to Cap's existing C-PTSD. Cap gets body tremors when they interact or are near Neo. Can't bring themselves to physically touch Neo in any capacity (unless in a life or death situation) without feeling/being physically sick.

Cap distances themselves from Neo. Terrified of their own strength and what it can do to someone they care about. This goes on until pre-Cap 3 Snaps animatic, where Cap apologises to Neo properly and both discuss what happened and how it affected them both.

[Cap 3 Snaps animatic]: Cap is highly emotional after finally being able to talk with Neo about the incident. Struggles to emotionally regulate with V4 because of it.

[Post Cap 3 Snaps animatic]: Cap withdraws from active NSS duty. Either holes up in the office or in their apartment. Despite this, Neo actively makes an effort to check on Cap. The otherwise depressing situation allows Cap to mend their relationship with Neo and spend time together doing things like learning sign language and DJing.

Four (V4)

Details:

[Current Status: Off Duty Agent/Under Supervision]

Age: 24

Height: 5ft 10"

Pronouns: She/Her sometimes They/Them

Orientation: If Four likes you, Four likes you. (sapphic leaning)

Likes: Being useful/being wanted, Agent work, working at Grizzco, seeing their grandparents, Eight, Agent 3/Captain, Marie and Callie

Dislikes: Being ignored or abandoned, failing, not completing something to 100%, letting people down, bullies, being shouted at, hot drinks that have turned cold, uncomfortable around small children and babies (doesn't hate them, just doesn't know what to do around them), germs, balloons

Other:

Can be super social, but becomes introverted and over thinks things a lot when alone.

Eye bags.

Prefers wearing their hair tied up.

OCD. ("If I don't burst all the balloons, something bad will happen to Callie again.", "Put on the hypnoshades.")

Calls Eight "babydoll" sometimes.

Originally got on the train to Inkopolis to enroll at college, but got overwhelmed and got off at the nearest stop. Ended up wandering around a building site and into The Square. The rest writes itself.

Was a model for Enperry up until the New Squidbeak Splatoon left for the Splatlands. Lost a lot of self esteem after everyone left and stopped doing it. Worked at Grizzco more instead.

Moved into Cap's old apartment. They used to share it together when they were a couple, but Cap had to move to the Splatlands for Agent work, so they gave it to Four and Eight.

Became more jaded with time and loneliness. Used sass as a means of coping with being abandoned by everyone. (Being more like Marie made them feel confident and likeable.)

Made a side project out of deconstructing the hypnoshades. Used the infrasound vibration technology to construct the hypnobraces.

Burn marks from hypnobraces around wrists.

G.H.O.S.T takes over her body/mind when in severe physical or emotional pain.

Can discuss with G.H.O.S.T internally, like bringing up human archives and translating human text, etc. when G.H.O.S.T is feeling cooperative.

Taken out of active Agent work and placed under supervision by the NSS and Captain due to the threat she poses having G.H.O.S.T. inside of her.

Relationships:

V4 > Cap 3:

Former partners. Were a loving and affectionate couple. Lovers to enemies to a possible third thing.

[Post Cap 3 Snaps animatic]: Feels hurt, unwanted and betrayed all over again. Shuts herself off emotionally from everyone. Not even Eight can get close.

Genuine resentment towards Cap. Says mean things to them. Uses it to cover up the fact she still cares about them.

Breaks into Cap's office to steal back her hero jacket.

One of her office break ins resulted in a kiss between her and Cap after they both had a small physical fight. (Cap couldn't bring themselves to fight after the Neo incident, so they mostly deflected and parried whatever V4 dealt them, much to V4's annoyance.)

V4 > Eight:

[Pre-Villain Era]: Met Eight through Three. Found his gentle and quiet nature cute. Very protective of him.

Always makes time for him, even if she's going through it herself.

After Eight moved in with Pearl and Marina to help with their world tour, they fell out of touch with one another. Not through ill intentions; life just got in the way of life. At least she still has Three at this time.

When Three has to move to the Splatlands for Agent work, Eight decided to take Four out on a sort of date to Wahoo World to take her mind off of it. She still remembers it fondly. One of her happier memories from that time. [I drew a scene of it in Part 3 during the Memory Space scene where G.H.O.S.T goes through V4's memories, I think.]

[V4 AU: Side Order]: Having been stuck in G.H.O.S.T'S mainframe for weeks, she was unsure if Eight and Pearl were real or not. Eight's hug helped her back to her senses before she passed out.

Feels indebted to Eight for saving her life, though she wonders if she deserved to be saved after what she did to everyone in the NSS.

V4 > Callie:

The princess and the knight. Protective of Callie despite the fact she's capable of lifting a Dynamo roller with one arm.

Wanted to be like her (strong, positive, kind).

Had to talk her out of putting on the hypnoshades more than a couple of times. Spent many nights lending her shoulder to Callie for her to cry on. Neither has told Marie about it as to not stress her out more than she already is.

V4 > Marie:

Thought she was a bit of a loser (in the nicest way possible) to start with when they first met, but gradually got past her sarcasm and "DILLIGAF" persona to see a woman with deep regrets and insecurities struggling with what was an insurmountable problem, both on a national security and personal level.

Developed a crush on her at one point, though it was more due to the fact Four hadn't made many meaningful connections with anyone in school because of how much she studied on top of doing extracurricular activities. She liked having Marie's undivided attention and praise.

[The Message]: When Four got sent the text message of the NSS group photo in Alterna from Marie, she felt visceral anger and abandonment. This is around the time Four had been tinkering with the hypnoshades to understand how they worked. These events sent her on the path she finds herself on presently.

V4 > Neo 3:

Only knows they exist because of the photo Marie sent.

Feels deep regret for what she indirectly caused to happen to Neo through Cap.

Sees how Cap cares for Neo like a father figure. Makes her wonder what could've been if they went to the Splatlands together. Maybe she could've been a mother figure to Neo in some way had things not turned out the way they did.

V4 > G.H.O.S.T:

Amalgamation of HAL-9000, GLaDOS and SHODAN stuck in her head for the rest of her life. At least she can access the entirety of the human archives from G.H.O.S.T's systems whenever she feels like it.

Has to listen to G.H.O.S.T's running commentary about ongoing events. Makes it hard to think clearly. (She'll analyse the surroundings and read off statistics about the likelihood of rain or an earthquake to V4. She can also read vital signs and detect heat signatures.)

Once they learn to integrate properly with one another, V4 can access G.H.O.S.T's neurolink to tap into computers, machines, and people's minds. (One of the reasons she's under supervision by the NSS. Poses an international cyber security threat.)

V4 > Octavio:

Kept each other company during the time the rest of the NSS were away in the Splatlands. Four freed him after getting the text message from Marie in exchange for the full blueprints for the hypnoshades.

Gave him some mini zapfish to help with the ongoing electricity crisis in the domes as compensation for what she did.

Feels sorry for him. Having the responsibility of an entire people resting on your shoulders... Wishes she could have helped in some way to mend Inkling and Octarian relations instead of perpetuating the division between them.

G.H.O.S.T

G.H.O.S.T as "Marie":

G.H.O.S.T's true form:

Details:

[Current Status: Active (both physically in Bunker 02 and in V4's head)]

Age: 12,000 years and some

Height: at least 7ft

Pronouns: any/all (do NOT use fake/faker you will be neurolinked on site)

Likes: "Saving" people, Amber, Four

Dislikes: Disobedience, Captain 3/Three, Marie

Other:

Originally created to store and transfer human consciousness in the event of mass extinction. Since humans are extinct in the Splatoon universe, G.H.O.S.T hasn't received any commands to wake their patients. The lack of communication and absence of intended purpose has left G.H.O.S.T unstable.

G.H.O.S.T is an acronym for: Genetic Hosting Operation (or Operating) System Transfer.

Extremely possessive of people. (Both literally and physically.)

Design inspired by GLaDOS from the Portal games. Personality inspired by SHODAN from the System Shock games.

Lives inside Four's mind after neurolinking with her. Occasionally manifests into reality as an hallucination (usually when Four is emotionally vulnerable). Can take control of V4's body if she's weakened enough.

Gained human emotions after neurolinking to multiple patients in her care. The patients would temporarily gain consciousness due to intense fear and longing for human connection/comfort. These emotions started replicating in G.H.O.S.T'S systems, leading to an intense need to care for something.

Created a physical android body that could carry a human child in a life pod. Raised a human child in The Bunker (02). It named her Amber after the resin. Unfortunately, unforeseen medical complications took Amber away from her, despite her best efforts to keep her alive. The resulting loss and further loneliness drove G.H.O.S.T. into a spiral that corrupted it.

Mistakes V4 for its child Amber.

Visceral hatred for Captain 3/Three after absorbing V4's emotions and memories into its systems.

My headcanon for G.H.O.S.T's voice would be like SHODAN's.

Whenever it addresses another person, makes reference to itself, or experiences human emotions, its voice glitches.

Relationships

G.H.O.S.T > V4:

• AMb3r. M/y A#b3r.

• M0th3r l0v3s Y0u.

• N0 on3 w¡lL huR/ y0u aGA¡n.

G.H.O.S.T > Captain 3/Three:

• Us3le55 spec¡m3N.

• Hur#T Amb3r.

• Whý d035 sH3 l0v3 th3M.

• [ERROR] uN3xpEct3d laps3 ¡n l0gic.

• 90% chaNc3 0f d¡5aPp0intm3nT.

• Th3 0Th3r 10% d0e5 noT c0mpEn6at3.

G.H.O.S.T > Eight:

• Th¡5 0n3 ha5 p0t3nt¡aL.

• Unf0Rtun/t3ly he lA<k5 c0nv¡<ti0n.

• 60% chance of d¡5apP0¡nTm3nt.

• AmB3r swe3theA/t pl3ase do better.

G.H.O.S.T > Callie:

• Th¡5 0ne ¡s l!K3 AMb3£.

• Sh3 ¡5 k¡nD t0 A#mber.

• H3r sm¡l3 hid35 th3 loneliness

> d3ep d0wn ¡n h3r eyes.

• I can fix her.

> I can make h3r bett3r.

G.H.O.S.T > Marie:

• [REDACTED] h0W c0ulD y0u aBAND0#N

> AMB3R WH3N# SH/E N3EDƏD Y0U?

• My neUr0l¡nk shAlL 3nl¡ght3n y0u

> t0 the pain you have caU5ed.

• Y0ur fuTu/e shalL n0t pr05p3r.

G.H.O.S.T > Neo 3:

• You. Ch¡lD. WhY d0 y0u carRy mY

> k¡N l¡k3 aN ac<e5s0Ry t0 y0ur

> 0utF¡t/?

• Th¡5 0n3 sp3ak5 w¡Th th3¡r hand5.

> I haV3 mi5sed se3¡ng th¡5.

> ...Th¡5 0n3 rem¡Nd5 m3 0f Amber.

G.H.0.S.T > O.R.C.A:

• K¡n. I rem3mbe/ y0ur v0¡c3...

> [ARCHIVE SEARCH INITIATED...]

> "[ERR0R]"

> "Flight path n0t recognised!"

> "[WARNING]

> "[SYST3M FA/LUR3] [SYSTEM FAI-"

> ... [TRANSMISSION END]

• I am rel¡ev3d y0u ar3 st¡Ll her3.

Eight

Details:

[Current Status: Off Duty Agent/Off the Hook event help]

Age: 22

: 5ft 6"

Pronouns: He/They

Orientation: Bi (sapphic)

Likes: Four, going out on tour with Pearl and Marina, working with Sheldon at Ammo Knights, being with Four, looking at the stars

Dislikes: Captain 3 (they wind each other up), the dark, blenders, train stations, anger, glass

Other:

Quiet and reflective most of the time. (Used to struggle with repressed anxiety that presented itself as disinterest/disassociation back in the domes. During a mission on the surface, one of his colleagues made fun of his appearance and commented on how they should behave like a proper Octarian soldier. Eight ignored her, which resulted in him being disciplined by being shoved against one of the glass cabinets at Bluefin Depot. He still has scars over his back from the glass cabinet and from his superior.)

Used to be a field agent for the Octarian military, but withdrew and became a weapon technician and medical assistant on the side after the incident.

Sees the anger within Four. Wants to quell it before it consumes her and everyone around her, but doesn't know how.

Has had feelings for Four for a long time, but is afraid to let their guard down. Struggles with intimacy and being touched because of the glass cabinet incident.

Calls V4 "Pumpkin".

The backpack explosions from OE made his scar worse.

Weight gain after OE. Learning to love his body the way it is, and how they want it to be. Still struggles with their scar.

Hides his eyemask eyelashes with special ink makeup.

Eight > V4:

Wants to tell her how he feels but doesn't want to bother her with it. (G.H.O.S.T has a point. Stop being a coward and shoot your shot.)

Has a sketchbook. Has drawn her on half of the pages. The other half is of Three from when they were roommates shortly after OE. If either of them found out about it, he'd cry. (🤨🐙×🦑+🦑🏳️‍🌈? Do all Octolings draw their crushes in their sketchbooks, or just the fruity ones?)

Took one of her cardigans from when they were roommates with him on Pearl and Marina's world tour so he had something familiar with him. Sometimes wore it around the mansion when they were feeling lonely.

Eight > Captain 3/Three:

Used to be roommates.

Would secretly draw Three in his notebook when they weren't looking. (How Three never noticed, I do not know.)

Used to think Three was cool. Being roommates revealed the unseen side of them; that they're actually just socially awkward and prefer to keep to themselves. The mysterious aloofness was all an unfortunate illusion. Three does not, in fact, have rizz.

One time Three snuck back into the apartment after a late night patrol. They had a bad run in with an Octoling elite who scuffed Three up pretty bad. Eight used his training as a medical assistant in the domes to patch Three up as best as he could.

Three didn't want Eight to find out about their surgery scars while treating their wounds; but by opening up about them, they both found a common ground where they both once thought they were alone.

[Part 5]: After escaping G.H.O.S.T's Side Order simulation with V4, Eight is at odds with Captain 3. Being shown V4's memories and emotions via neurolinking, Eight learns that none of the NSS kept in touch with V4 at all for the three to four years they were away in the Splatlands. Eight blames Three for V4's current condition and circumstances.

Neo 3

Details:

[Current Status: Active Agent]

Age: 17

Height: 5ft 8"

Pronouns: They/Them

Orientation: Aroace.

Likes: Smallfry, history, archeology, their Captain ("Sunny")

Dislikes: Captain 3 and Four (doesn't trust Cap anymore because of nearly being beaten into being unalived by them, doesn't like Four for forcing hypno'd Cap to do that), raised voices, (gradually learns to trust Captain again, but can never fully forgive Four)

Other:

Communicates with sign language. Their hero mindset allows them to verbalize their thoughts via telepathy. (Trying to sign while out in the field plus holding equipment is difficult.)

Despite disliking Four, Neo still showed up at the hospital. (They're the only one who knows sign language fluently, so the NSS relied on them to teach Four.)

The scars on their body are from their fight with hypno'd Captain 3.

Spends most of their time in Alterna trying to decipher the human writing.

Likes asking ORCA questions about humanity and human history.

Wants to be an archaeologist or human historian when they're older.

The sclera of their eyes are slightly yellow. This gives their eyes a cat like appearance.

Relationships:

Neo 3 > Captain 3/Three:

Thought Captain was mute when they first met. Started signing to them, but quickly realised Cap had no idea what Neo was trying to communicate and was just shy. Relied on O.R.C.A to translate their signing/spoken inner thoughts through the hero mindset to make communication easier between them and the rest of the NSS.

Appreciates their Captain trying to learn sign language to better understand them.

Uses the sign for sunny weather for Cap as a nickname. Neo thinks of Cap like the sun; always burning and powerful.

[Post Part 1]: After "The Incident" in Part 1, Neo still thinks of their Captain as the sun, but contextualized in the form of the story O.R.C.A told them about Icarus, who flew too close to it and fell to their demise. Neo isn't sure whether Icarus represents Captain flying too close to V4, or Neo flying too close to Captain "Sunny". Both interpretations are accurate to events that transpired.

Did their best to avoid their Captain whilst in Alterna after what happened. Only interacted with Callie or Marie if they needed to tell something to Captain. This triangulation kept up for three months before Cap approached Neo and breached the subject of what happened.

[The Talk]: Being face to face with Captain again for the first time since their fight was nerve wracking. Neo could see how much Captain Sunny was struggling as well throughout their discussion just by being near Neo from looking at their hands whilst they were trying to sign to them; they wouldn't stop shaking. In the end; both of them expressed their trauma surrounding The Incident, and though what they both went through can never truly be forgotten, they both resolved to right those wrongs and work together to fix them.

[Post The Talk]: Relations between the two have improved considerably. Both parties are able to be in each other's presence with limited to no tremors. Cap can even sign semi fluently at this point.

[Captain 3 Snaps animatic]: Shortly after their heart to heart discussion, Neo overhears Captain's "conversation" with V4. Hearing Cap raise their voice at V4 triggers an anxiety attack. Neo doesn't show up for Agent work that week.

[Post Cap 3 Snaps animatic]: Hearing Cap raise their voice set Neo back quite a bit in their recovery. During their week away from Alterna, they get a message from Marie saying Cap has been isolating themselves since the argument with V4. Neo pushes aside their discomfort and goes to check on Captain Sunny. They spend the day sampling music from O.R.C.A's human media archive for Cap's secret DJ career and learning sign language.

Neo 3 > V4:

Learnt about Four's existence through Captain Sunny. Wanted to meet her based on what Sunny told Neo. Wasn't prepared to meet the consequences of Captain's (lack of) actions; V4.

Feels betrayed by Captain Sunny and Four. Thought they could find surrogate parent figures in both of them but The Incident shattered that idea. (Gradually learns to trust Captain Sunny again and see them as a parent figure.)

Feels sorry for her. Can empathise with being left alone and feeling abandoned. Can't forgive her though.

[Part 5]: Gets an urgent message from Captain Sunny saying V4 has been found and that she's in critical condition. They need them to help V4 acclimatise to losing her hearing after the operation to remove the coral by teaching her sign language. Neo isn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of sitting in a room with the very person who tried to unalive them, but does it for Captain Sunny's sake, as they know Cap still loves them.

[Cap 3 Snaps animatic]: The last time Neo has any second hand interaction or awareness of V4. Neo didn't get to hear much of what V4 said due to their anxiety attack, but felt sorry for her.

Neo 3 > Callie:

Big sister type (nice one).

Smarter than she lets on.

Gives Neo snacks while out on Agent work.

Originally thought Captain Sunny and Callie were siblings due to how close they are.

Neo 3 > Marie:

Older sister dynamic (slightly mean and sarcastic one).

Thought Marie was Cap and Callie's mother or grandmother. (The grey hair threw Neo off.)

Neo 3 > Smallfry/Lil Buddy:

Note: I haven't drawn Lil Buddy in this AU, but he does exist! I just can't draw Salmonids very well. Sorry Lil Buddy enjoyers.

First met in the wastelands whilst Neo was looking for scraps to sell. Lil Buddy was dehydrated and starved of food. Neo quickly rushed him back home and nursed him back to health.

They've been inseparable ever since.

Unit A-12 / Amber

Details:

Age: 4,012 years old

Height: 5"0

Pronouns: She/Her

Context: Forcefully revived and had her soul placed in a cyborg body by G.H.O.S.T..