#i went to a sleep doctor one time. showed them a year's worth of sleep records where my sleep was CLEARLY free-running.

[confinesofmy]

it's so funny how many therapists i went to when i was a kid when where i needed to be!! was in a sleep clinic!! because ofc i was mentally ill, 3/4ths of my life was spent in severe sleep deprivation! but insurance didn't pay for a sleep clinic, it paid for therapy. so. super cool that i wasted all that time i guess. 😑

[notlhecxzsa]

Accidents - Scarlett Johansson

Hiii, this is a very very sensitive fic and everything is not a real happenstance. Hope you enjoy!

WARNING ⚠️: Forced sex, super mean drunk Scarlett, physical abused, mental abused, hurt reader.

~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~

You never had a very good past relationships.

But, that was before Scarlett.

At the age of eighteen, you started having boyfriends who did nothing but to hurt you, mentally, and sometimes... physically. You had 3 boyfriends inside of 5 years, 18 to 23, and that was it, you are now 29.

You were done with love, you've always been saying that to yourself after the last relationship you had, which very far much more toxic that the two just broke you mentally, but the last one didn't just broke you mentally, he physically hurt you.

You were a broken chaotic mess for almost 3 years, not believing in love anymore and the other things along that word, but everything changed when you met Scarlett. Scarlett changed everything, so willingly, she badly wanted you to be hers, just as she will be yours that she didn't gave up on courting you even though it took her 3 years, almost 4.

You two met, instantly clicked on, became best friends till she caught feelings for you, which she soon confessed. She knew about your past relationships, hell, she knew about everything. She became your shoulder to lean on, and you became her new found hope to continue on living inside her dull world that is full of toxicity with having sex with random girls, or random artists and going off to the club as her rest.

To say the least, she understand why you were very scared on letting her in to you romantically, though, you would be lying if you said that you didn't caught any feelings for the woman. Ever since the two of you developed your relationship, you felt it, you saw it, you're not an idiot to not see her obvious movements and steps that is screaming the words; "I Like You."

You knew it from the start, and then she confessed, but you weren't ready for anything. But, Scarlett being the charming woman she is, and ofcourse, with all her wealth, she did everything just to get you.

She changed, for you.

She changed you, just like how you changed her.

She stopped sleeping around, she focused on her work, but the rest of her time was spent on you without fail. Though, being a doctor can be a really busy job at times, it didn't stopped Scarlett to woo you and was determined to wait hours and hours until you're free. Most of the timesz she would always find herself outside of your footsteps, outside the house that your parents brought for you for your 25th birthday, wanting you to stop renting. She would always have something in her hands that she brought for you, most of the times, it was foods and anything that she thinks you might like, or anything the she likes for you to wear.

God, everything she'd done for you.

You guys are now 7 months in a relationship, everything was going well, no fights or anything bad has happened between the two of you, fortunately. Until, now.

You went to a party, a friend of hers, she wanted you to tag along, she always wanted you to tag along, being this cocky woman she is, wanting to show everyone that she got the most beautiful girl, it was no lie though, you are a very beautiful girl, a worth giving everything up for.

Along the years, you glowed up, becoming into this woman that looks so well written by a goddess, everyone wants you but, mostly for pleasure, nonetheless, it was no lie that anyone could easily fell for you.

But, being described as that brought some cons to you.

Being sexualized here and there, recieving so many catcalls, some would get have the pass cards, but not when you're with Scarlett, who will definitely punch the shit out of them not even a second.

But, right now, someone's making you feel very, very uncomfortable, and Scarlett's not here, infact, she's nowhere to be seen, which you mentally cursed her for taking so long to wherever she went.

"Come on, don't be such a stranger, sweet face. Why don't we go and have some fun, I'm sure it's lonely to be alone..." A drunken, beefy man from your side, who is invading your personal space already, said drunkenly.

You wanted to get up, maybe punch his face if you would get a chance since he's been bothering you for what felt like an hour already, then run to Scarlett, and get enveloped in her beefy arms.

But, this man got you caged in his arms, almost caged in his arms. And you were scared, you're not really that good in socializing, and running from him would for sure will bring some audience to look at you, and Scarlett might come looking for you in just a few seconds already, so you just scooted as far as you can, only for the man to pull the stool you're sitting on closer to him, almost making tears welled up in your eyes, thankfully, you girlfriend is just in time.

"Hey!"

~~~~~~~~~

You don't know where she was going with her hurtful words.

She was a bit tipsy. A little bit tipsy for your liking.

It wasn't your fault. You know it wasn't your fault. You tried your best to make him go away, she might now saw that, but she saw how you scooted away from him before a fight between her broke out. Leaving the man's face bleeding before she practically gripped your wrist while her other hand went to your waist possessively.

She was almost carrying you out, she guided you to your seat in the red sports car she owned out of many. She slammed the door in front of your face, too harshly for your liking, it made you flinch, it made the beats of your heart became fast than it already was.

God, you know, it wasn't your fault. But, right now, it feel like it is. With all the words being thrown at you as soon as you both stepped inside the house, you following after her, wanting to know what's gotten her upset, wanting to know why she didn't hold you like she does whenever she sees you like this, in fear.

You were very scared.

Now, you felt more scared with her actions and confused with the way she's treating you right now.

Maybe, she wasn't just a little bit tipsy after all.

"I told you that I would get back immediately. I went to get us some drinks, but then you decided to whore yourself around behind my back. What were you thinking, Y/n?" She shouted, throwing the set of keys on the coffee table as you followed her to the living room.

You watched as she paced around the room, while you just stand there with your arms around yourself, as if it will protect you on what is coming. As if it would give you the comfort that you lack off, the comfort that Scarlett could only give.

She rubbed her face up and down with both of her hands, before the both of it raked her pixie hair. "Fuck, Y/n!" She stomped her foot on the ground, before turning around to look at you appropriately.

Her suit is messy and her sweats are a around the place. You don't know where she was being mad and upset about. Her words hurt. It was the first time she called you that, this was the first time she acted like this around you.

You didn't like the way she is acting.

The way she cursed your name in a harshly manner.

The way she was so mad at you for no complete reason.

"Wh-why are- w-what are you saying-" You couldn't even get to finish your sentence when she was again, shouting at you.

"Oh please..." She laughed as if it was funny, but now, tears were already streaming down your face as your heart started to hurt badly. She was drunk, maybe she can't see you clearly, she can't see the tears and how you started shaking so badly. "Don't act so innocent now. God, fuck!" She shouted once again, pacing around the room.

"How- god, Y/n. You don't- you don't know how that hurt me-" You couldn't help but to cut her off. What did hurt her? Did something hurt her the way you were hurting right now?

"What did? Did- did I do something-" Once again, it feels like you weren't allowed to talk when she cut you off, storming towards you that you couldn't help but walk backwards in fear.

"Who fucking told you to interrupt me?!" She was screaming straight to your face, before you felt her strong hands gripping your small biceps.

"Ah, Scar-" You whimpered, and she seemed to snapped out a little as she took her hands back before turning  around, her hands on her head as if she's going crazy.

You think so too.

She's going crazy.

She's hurting you.

You were sobbing when you heard her sniffles. 

She once again turned around to face you, there was something dark and dull in her eyes. You knew, in that moment, she's not the Scarlett you know. And, you could only pray to the gods above to bring that Scarlett back to save you from this woman in front of you.

She walked towards you until she was towering over you already. You couldn't help but to bow your head and tighten your arms around yourself.

"Do you know him?" She asked in a very darkened voice, you can't tell if it was just the alcohol speaking or it was really her. Your Scarlett.

"N-no, I don't..." This time you looked up at her, while you felt ome of her arm coming up to one of your biceps gripping it just as tight as earlier, that you tried to get away because of how much it hurts.

"The truth, Y/n. Tell me thr truth." Now, one of her hands was gripping both of your jaws, you couldn't help but to hold her wrist with both hands, but she was strong.

Much more stronger than you.

You couldn't get away because she was holding you bicep tightly.

Can't she hear your sobs? She once said it hurt her to see you crying, in pain, but now, she seems like a very different person.

Maybe, this was just a dream. A bad dream that you need to awake.

"It's the truth, Scarlett. P-please, believe me..." You tried to take deep breaths because you felt you chest tightening along with your anxiety starting to kick in. "Please..." You begged to the unknown shakily.

She only chuckled a little before harshly taking her hand off of your face, making your face turn to the other side, before she once again, dragged you up into the stairs, then to your room.

Your feet was barely touching the floor as you tried to keep up with her big and heavy steps.

"S-Scarlett, it hurts..." You tried so hard to take your arm back, but to no avail, you didn't. Your heart is beating so loudly, it feels like it wants to get out of your chest as your mind started to spiraling into the darkess unknown where you found yourself being into years ago.

You don't want to get back there.

Oh god, you don't want to go back.

Moments ago, you found yourself trying to be set free from her painful grasp, but now, you found yourself being so defeated that you just conceded to the defeat and just let her have you in ways that you didn't know she'll have you.

You found yourself being forced down on the soft king bed, both of your wrists were gripped tightly by one of her hand on top of your head, her other hand forcing one of your legs apart.

God, she was so strong while towering you over.

She was ripping you apart with her manhood, she already taken you while being bent over to the bed, your feet was barely touching the floor, it was now the second time that she forced a climax in you.

You felt your body getting in and out of consciousness as you continued receiving hittings everywhere her hands chose to land on.

You just know that tomorrow, you will be black and blue. Bruises will be littered on your skin. God, how did you go to this?

You pleas and begs seemed to be unheard by her. Your loud and broken cries was muffled by her bruising kiss whenever she would put her lips on yours.

"Scarlett! P-please... Stop! R-red! Red! I-I can't- I can't anymore. It hurts!" You started, only to be smacked in the face.

"Isn't this what you want? Huh? I'm giving you what you want, Y/n! Or, you like it more when it's that man who's doing this. Do you like that? I bet you do." There comes her sinister laugh, before you knew it, she was already throwing you to the floor before continued to rutting in you.

Your vision started to become blurry, until your voice started to become slurry. You felt wet liquid started to stream its way down on your face starting on your forehead down to the floor.

You were laying on your stomach, she was moving so harshly and so fast behind you. The pain was too much that you starting to feel numb.

You felt your chest becoming more tight, and before you knew it, darkness have already swallowing you over.

[potionsprefect]

Where It All Began

Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x Victoria Clarke

Word Count: 860

Summary: Victoria makes a return to Hopkins

Rating: General Audiences

Category: Fluff

The view was still the same, the circumstances for her visit this time were however different. Victoria hadn’t been back to Hopkins since she had graduated but today, she was there to deliver a speech to future doctors.

It felt strange sitting in a hotel room when she had gotten so used to looking out towards campus grounds. But she wasn’t in Baltimore for long. It was only for two night and tomorrow, she would be on a flight back to Massachusetts and back with her young family.

Victoria hated being away from Ethan and Luke and Lily but she kept reminding herself that it was only for one night. The job was important but so was spending time with her family and Victoria always made sure to never prioritise work over what was the most important.

When the offer came to speak at her old university, she wasn’t sure if she should accept it but after discussing it with Ethan, she decided she could not pass it up. Whilst Luke and Lily were not old enough to understand the job, they were however, at an age where they would realise when Ethan and Victoria were not around.

Victoria pulled out her phone and looked at the pictures of her family on her phone, her smile growing wilder as she scrolled through them. She missed her family so much, the goodbye at the airport was hard but it would not be for long and that’s what she kept reminding herself.

She looked out towards the Baltimore skyline, tiny balls of light brightening up the city, the moon shining highly above the skyscrapers. This was her home for years and it felt like she had never left.

She was ready to inspire the next generation. Just like she had been all those years ago.

Victoria straightened her jacket and looked at herself in the camera of her phone. She took several deep breaths in a bid to regulate her beating heart. She kept reminding herself that this was a big honour and that opportunities like this do not come around often.

She thought back to all those times she was in and around campus. The early morning lectures, the late night study sessions, creative revision notes and trips to the library. Just being back here made it seem surreal that she was here to talk to those inspiring to be just like her.

Victoria recalled someone coming to talk to her intake once and how it had inspired her. She used it as motivation to get through the rest of her degree. And looking back now, it had all been worth it.

Victoria’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She saw Ethan’s name flash up on her phone.

Good luck! You’re going to smash it!

Victoria smiled at the message. With newfound confidence, she pushed through the double doors to the atrium.

“So how did it go?” Ethan asked.

“It went so well! Everyone seemed really interested and I got a round of applause!” Victoria smiled. She was currently back at the hotel, having had room service and was now FaceTiming Ethan.

“Nothing less than you deserve. Do you think you’ve inspired some people?”

“I hope so. I remember being inspired. I hope someone feels inspired by me.” Victoria replied.

“I have no doubt that you have. We’re all very proud of you.” Ethan smiled. He held the phone over the sleeping figures of Luke and Lily.

“I miss them so much. And you. How have they been?”

“Missing you. Lily is being extremely fussy. I think she knows you’re not here.” Ethan chuckled.

“I’ll be home tomorrow. And I’ll be looking forward to lots of cuddles.”

“We’ll have plenty for you. Did you talk about all the things you said you would?” Ethan said.

“I did. I mentioned how I was where they were. I wasn’t sure if I was scaring or impressing them. But I think the round of applause said it all.”

“It’s not an easy career but they knew that when they decided to take it on in the first place. Hearing from people like you will show them that the hard work and commitment is all worth it.” Ethan said.

“I agree. And who knows. We might just motivate those closer to home.” Victoria gestures to the twins.

“I thought we weren’t going to pressure them in the future to follow in our footsteps.” Ethan laughed.

“I know. It would be good though wouldn’t it? Do you ever think about what it would be like if we saw them doing what we did? It would be amazing.” Victoria said.

“I do. Maybe one day, they’ll be sat in the same atrium as us. Maybe we’ll be giving speeches to them.”

“If they do then I can’t wait for the speech.”

Being a doctor was no easy job but it was worth the late nights and early mornings. And if Victoria could inspire those to keep working hard then she considered herself doing a good job.

She was proud of all she had achieved and hopefully, upcoming doctors would also get to feel the same pride she felt.

Tag list: @ohchoices @swiftiexstarwarssimp @queencarb @genevievemd @choicesaddict5 @schnitzelbutterfingers @gryffindordaughterofathena @sophxwithers @romewritingshop @coffeeheartaddict2 @mm2305 @nikki-2406 @maurine07 @nishas-paradise @replayfootsteps @mainstreetreader @lsvdw-blog @kiara-36 @quixoticdreamer16 @headoverheelsforramsey @shanzay44 @itsjustamesshonestly @josiesopenheart @mysticalgalaxysstuff @custaroonie @ireneadlerisseggsy @takemyopenheart @kachrisberry @rookiemartin @jamespotterthefirst @a-crepusculo @natureblooms24 @jerzwriter @wanderingamongthewildflowers @rosebudde @lucy-268 @liaromancewriter @bex-la-get @writer-ish @toadfrog26 @tessa-liam @peonierose @cariantha @kyra75 @openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations

[writingonesdreams]

Sortinghatchats - Doctor Slump

For details on sortinghatschats analytical personality system, see @sortinghatchats and @wisteria-lodge

Doctor Slump is about two brilliant doctors who used to be biggest rivals in high school. They meet again years later when they both hit rock bottom for different reasons and help patch each other up, falling in love on the way.

For it being a show with a very realistic depiction of depression, trauma, PTSD, insomnia, betrayal and forgiveness, it's incredibly heartwarming with lots of funny and fluffy moments.

Hannul Nam is such a fun Lion Bird. I have rarely seen on being a main character like this. Even funnier, she fits the Bird stereotype of being studious and smart because that'd her Lion goal—to study. Hannul enjoys studying, collecting, preparing and she loves it in such a feeling way, she adjusts her whole life around it. It's her ultimate goal without any higher noble or deeper motivation. She enjoys studying, being prepared, being the best with the grades, and aims for a professor of medicine career because that will allow it again—she will be studying and reading articles with all the prestige that comes with it.

While the acknowledgement seems to play a role for her on the surface, Hannul is willing to sacriface everything for her goal. Not just free time, hobbies, friends and sleep, but also her own self-respect. She is so blinded by her passion and what feels right, she is willing to let her supervisor steal her work, put her down and yell at her, if that makes her closer to her goal, her career.

Except she takes it too far for too long and burns herself down. The show excellently shows her depression, her realisation during an almost accident when she thinks she will die and scares herself with the sheer relief of it being over. When she goes to the doctor, she goes because the feeling is wrong. She can't explain it, she doesn't know when or what went wrong. It felt so right and it still does, so why is she so unhappy? Burn out and depression. It turns out to be too much, she ends up leaving work and works through it with her family that fame and success and respect indeed aren't as much as being in good health.

I think the feeling Lion primary makes the depression so confusing. Because Hannul trusts her gut, ready to back it up with her research and studying and prep. But what if she can't trust what feels right anymore? She burns her primary down at that point, unable to trust what she loves and feels.

That's when Jeong Yo comes into play. Her long year rival, goofy and childish and playful and overestimated teaser who couldn't take second place next to her...who is actually a Badger primary. While he was immature still back then, he was the only one actually capable of creating a bond with Hannul where everyone else failed. He didn't know what she wanted but he became what she needed. As her rival he was the closest and most caring about her at the school and the one who knew her the best.

Goofy and carefree as Jeong may be, he always puts people first. He became a famous as a doctor during his volunteering work in Africa and it wasn't for the fame, but because "people found me interesting for some reason so I rolled with it." They wanted interviews and YouTube videos of him working and inside info and for him to make ads for them, so he did it. He doesn't care about the fame or the money, he likes being what people need him to be.

Even in high school when he blacks out after Hannul beats him in maths for the first time, it's not his pride or excellence that takes a hit— it's his integrity. This is who he is supposed to be, this is what he understands his environment wants. Starting from his parents who demand excellence for him to have worth to his school teacher and his friends. If he isn't the coolest one around, who needs him?

But it's the most obvious during the lawsuit. Jeong loses a patient during a plastic surgery and gets sued for murder, that is all a setup, but that costs him reputation, money, his clinic and friends. And the first thing Jeong does when he realizes the full scale of the damage is to pay his coworker friends first, cause they will lose their jobs because of him. Car, house and clinic don't matter half as much as paying his sponsors and all the people that will lose as side-effect.

The lawsuit and false accusations turn out to be Jeong's personal hell only after he realizes nobody believes him. His integrity, his role in the community, what he was needed for suddenly...vanishes. Everyone blames him, turns him down or kicks him out and he takes it in quiet desperation. Hold out a facade till the last minute. Was it not for Hannul's mother's kindness, no one would have even let him rent a place to live.

Jeong lights up when he is with Hannul. Slowly worming his way to her, he knows instinctively what she needs and becomes this. It's his idea to go from former classmates to friends, it's him who realizes Hannul missed out on having a life and interests for her obsession with studying, and therefore works on giving it to her. Takes her to play games, karaoke, on an improvised bus trip. He does all the playful childish things with her and riles her up with the competitive banter from their teen years. He makes her smile and relax and feel stuff.

Hannul doesn't reciprocate until she realizes this is indeed the answer. This is helping. No one understood, nobody helped as much and as successfully as he did. Nobody understood that well what she needed even if everyone was trying. Once she feels herself getting better because of him does she start caring in turn. She becomes his biggest defender, studies his case - in her wonderful Bird secondary way - and finds him a crucial study similar to his own that helps him in court. She studies his sleep patterns and behavior and devises ways how to help with his insomnia and trauma and fears. He becomes a sort of her project, and she builds him up step by step.

For Joeng's secondary I'm guessing Snake. He is defined by change for me. His demeanor changes completely depending who he is with and with his feels about what each person or group around him feels and expects from him. It's quite powerful. He is the friendly doctor with shining smile from the ads. He is the serious and sad suspect on the trail. He is the polite and shy neighbour and renter, but he can switch to being the goofy high school rival in split second. The way he can completely change when around Hannul and then her family, with his friends vs other friends...and he is good at it. Enjoys it. It's playful and fun and creative and it depends on the situation. He is very expressive and emotional when he is alone, so he doesn't loose touch with himself or his feelings. The way he is helpful and always puts others first without realising he is doing it is so Badger, but the playful personality switching depending on what's needed or when he can relax and when he can't is so Snake.

Jeong tells Hannul to put herself first instead of just her goal. Hannul tells Jeong to think of himself and not everyone else and what they want from him. She often becomes the main defender of his interests. No, he won't take the interview, cause he finds it uncomfortable, even though he would say yes to the reporter if pushed. No, he won't forgive you that easily, although Jeong has a habit of forgiving about anyone who actually apologises (giving second chances is very Badger of him).

It's very fun to watch them take care of each other and be and say what the other needs as they slowly accept that for themselves as well.

In the end, Jeong gets a family in Hannul's family, forgives his friends that betrayed or were jealous of him (under Hannul's careful inspecting supervision) and Hannul learns to stand up for herself, even if it's not profitable for her goals. It feels good, in the end.

Hannul Nam - Lion/Bird

Jeong Yo - Badger/Snake

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Restless Man (Part 3)

Summary: Things aren’t good when Frisch shows up at the station with some men but the reader isn’t going anywhere with him...

Pairing: Beau Arlen x reader

Part 1 Part 2

Word Count: 1,600ish

Warnings: language, angst, bodily injury, kidnapping, threats, mentioned minor past minor character deaths

A/N: Spoilers for Big Sky season 3! This will be the final part of this impromptu little series. Enjoy!

_______

To say things had gone to shit would be an understatement. It turned out a police station really wasn’t all that safe when there were no cops in it. Nearly every officer was at the craftsman on the way far edge of town. Frisch had definitely been staying there and planning to have taken you there. 

Unfortunately, with everyone gone, that left the station vulnerable which was exactly what he’d been planning on.

You, Beau and Pop were currently hunkered down in Beau’s office, you and Pop on either side of the door while Beau was passed out on the couch. He was out cold and was not waking up anytime soon. The doctor had prescribed a mild sedative to help him sleep and, well, his timing couldn’t have been worse.

“Pop,” you whispered as you heard Frisch’s hired goons search through the station. “Can you carry Beau?”

He stared at you disapprovingly, furrowing his brow. “Y/N, you can’t go out there.”

“He wants me. You and Beau? He’ll have no problem killing the two of you. If I go out there, can you get him out through the window?” 

“Yes but giving yourself up-”

“I said I’m going out there. I never said I’m going anywhere with him.” You winked and cracked open the door. If Pop could have stopped you before you stood, you knew he would have. Quickly you reached over to Beau’s bookcase, grabbing an item off the shelf. 

This needed to end before they got to Beau and Pop or the people in the back of the station.

You ducked outside with your weapon, three men before you. Two of them you didn’t recognize but smack dab in the middle of the room was Frisch. For some reason, he didn’t seem as frightening as he once did. Maybe it was fifteen years of aging or the training you had but all you saw was the man who tried to hurt someone you cared about. Again.

“Y/N-” You didn’t let him finish before you took a shot at the two men closest to you. The man on the right went down, Frisch diving behind a desk and just barely avoiding you. “You know, I was expecting you’d be angry. But you’re making this more complicated than it has to be.”

You held up the canister and pulled out the pin with your teeth before tossing it across the room. All three men groaned when the flashbang went off. From a far hall, one of the officer’s in the back ran out, helping you get a gun on Frisch and the other man. You kicked away their weapons, cocking your own when Frisch tried to move towards you.

“Why don’t you just do it,” he growled. “Get it over with.”

“You’re not worth the paperwork,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “You got no idea what kind of shit storm you made for-”

“Do it!” he shouted, reminding you for a moment of the man from your home all those years ago. You only cocked your head though and smiled.

“Nah. I want you to live, Henry. I want you to live for a very long time, knowing I love someone very deeply and that that person isn’t you.” Pop came out of the office, helping to secure Frisch before you went over to the man you shot, currently clutching his leg.

He glared at you while trying to put pressure on his thigh, his resolve breaking when you knelt down beside him. “You know he’s a sack of shit, right?”

“I didn’t know you guys were cops when I took this job, I swear,” he said. You nodded, pretending to mull it over. “I’m so screwed.”

“Probably. You talk, I’m sure some kind of deal can be made, though. Think it over while you’re in the hospital. That sicko’s going away for life. I’d advise not following in his footsteps.”

“You,” grumbled Beau. You stood, finding him partially sedated, leaning against the doorframe of his office. He huffed, slipping and sliding down to the ground, clutching his ankle in pain. 

“Better make that ambulance for two.”

“You’re so stupid,” muttered Beau for the thousandth time that evening. You just hummed, flipping through an old magazine in his hospital room. “This is all your fault!”

“I told you to use your crutches,” you sang song. He grabbed your wrist from the bed beside you, green eyes full of fury. “You’re just mad because I used your lucky flashbang.”

“I’m mad for a whole lot, missy,” he growled. You raised your eyebrows, smirking back at him. “Stop making that face.”

“I’m not doing anything,” you teased, still smirking as his nostrils flared. “I knew what I was doing. Risky? Yes, but so was letting three armed men run rampant in the station with people locked up in cells and you out cold. I made a call, the same one you would have made in my position.”

He grumbled and got in your face, hot breath fanning over you. “Never do that again. Swear.”

“I pinky promise.” Beau grumbled, kissing you roughly as he kept you close. He sighed when he inched back, closing his eyes. “I’m okay. Question is are you?”

“I’m better now that he’s locked up and not getting out,” he said as the doctor walked in wearing a frown not too dissimilar to the one Beau had been sporting. “What’s the verdict?”

“You fucked up your ankle, Beau, that’s the verdict.” You crossed your arms, Beau trying to brush it off.

“It can’t be that bad-”

“You need surgery. Then I’m shoving you in a cast until I know your ankle is healed. I told you not to walk on it and it looks like you’ve done nothing but ignore that direction since you’ve left. Your body went through a major trauma. You’re lucky you’re young and healthy and you should have no problem making a full recovery.” The doctor turned to you and sighed. “He won’t be able to stay by himself that first week. You said his home isn’t suitable for crutches?”

You glanced at Beau, seeing his puppy dog eyes. “Alright, Arlen. You can stay with me until you’re better. Don’t think this means we’ve moved in together or anything though. We’re still new to this.”

“Your surgery is planned for the morning. Do me a favor and don’t leave the fucking bed for the rest of today,” he said, his beeper going off. “I’ll be back soon to explain the surgery in more detail. And Arlen? Next time you damn well listen to me.”

Beau gave a mini salute, chuckling after the doctor was gone. “Surprised he wasn’t more pissed at me.”

“I’m guessing you know him based on that wildly unprofessional interaction.”

“Oh we go way back,” said Beau, scooting over on the bed. “Sit with me.”

You crammed yourself in, Beau sliding his arm over your shoulders. “So you’re all better cause Frisch is locked up, just like that.”

He shrugged, waggling his hand. “Maybe not all better. I promise when I am stuck at home on my ass or on desk duty because of this fucking ankle, I will make time and talk to someone too.”

“Good. I don’t want you to try and do it on your own like after what happened with your old partner. It’s not good for you,” you said, massaging his scalp, Beau’s eyes fluttering closed. “I’m going to stay tonight.”

“You don’t have to. I’m sure the station is going nuts.”

“They can survive. We need a moment,” you said, Beau absently curling into your touch. “So. I know last night’s dinner wasn’t amazing but if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?”

“Man, I could go for a greasy burger and fries. And a strawberry milkshake. And some of your mashed potatoes. Those were, despite what you may think, the best thing I’ve ever eaten in my life.” 

“You were literally starving for a week.” 

“But the were so good,” he laughed. “Would you mind running home and getting me some?”

“For you, bud? Sure,” you said, kissing his temple. “I’ll get your other food and bring you some clothes since I’m sure you’ll be here a few days. Apparently you’re a troublemaker who doesn’t listen.”

“I wonder who I got that from,” he teased, resting his head on your shoulder, closing his eyes. 

“Take a nap while I’m gone,” you whispered, sliding out from beside him, tugging his blanket up over his waist. “We’ll call Emily when I get back, okay?”

“Oh crap,” he said, running his hand over his mouth. “Is she okay? I haven’t talked to her-”

“I know. I called her yesterday after we found you, let her know you’re safe. As far as she’s concerned, you’ve been resting today and will call her tonight.”

“Thank you,” he said with a soft and sleepy smile. “You know your relationship with her will change when she finds out.”

“She has a mother Beau. I will be what she needs me to be. She’s old enough to make that decision for herself,” you said. He nodded, leaning back in bed. 

“I love that you care about her,” he said, almost as if to himself. You gave him a quick kiss, Beau smiling when you crossed the room for the door. “Hey, Y/L/N. Soon as I’m back on my feet, I’m taking you a proper date like a gentleman.”

“I’d like that,” you said, lingering by the door. “Beau?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad you’re home again.”

“Me too, baby.” You shook your head, Beau laughing. “What I’d say?”

“New pet name, I don’t do baby.”

“Missy?” 

“I’m drinking your milkshake for that,” you said, walking out the door, gratefully to the sound of his laughter.

_______

[cawdra]

Good question, @avvielalame-blog

GATHER 'ROUND, FOR I HAVE A STORY TO TELL ABOUT MY WEIRD HOSPITAL OPIOID TRIP THAT MADE ME HALLUCINATE NEW GOOD OMENS EPISODES:

Last year I went to the hospital. It was some cyst (idk the medical lingo), and it was painful af. They gave me some sort of strong opioid (again, no idea what the medical lingo is, but I think it was Buprensomethingsomething). Mind you, I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, but I hadn't taken them for almost a week, cuz I couldn't get out of my bed the whole time (before I eventually went to the hospital). I told them I was off that medication, and because the prescription is pretty old, they gave me the painkillers. TURNS OUT THE FUCKING MEDS WERE NOT OUT OF MY SYSTEM YET!!! So uhhh... yeah.

(If you don't know, mixing these two things can be very dangerous because they can raise dopamine levels too high or something, which is INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS!!! I'm a pretty large person, so this didn't hit me that hard (and also I was off the meds for longer than 24 hours), but if I was slightly less of a fatass and more of a responsible medicine taker, I might have actually been comatosed.)

Anyway, I was riding high that night. I didn't have anything else to do, so after seeing a good omens edit, my first thought was, "That seems gay. I'm in." So I turned on Prime and watched it all in one night. It's not like I was going to sleep in a ward full of screaming people anyway, so might as well make the most of it. The nurses told me to sleep, but I told them I wasn't sleepy, so they just gave me my antibiotics and, whatever else, took my temp and walked out. Did they care about the gay shit I was watching on my phone? No, they've seen worse.

Anyway, I watched the show, ugly cried for like an hour (harder than I did from the cyst that was torturing me for about a week), and then went to sleep at around 2 pm. When I woke up, I, as a responsible queer, decided to rant about it to my friends. After telling them all those things, one of my friends (who actually watched the show with his sister) said, "Are you sure the anesthesia didn't scramble your brain, cuz none of that happened lol."

When I tell you I was DEVISTATED!!! Literally a "You... you serious?" moment. Cried almost as much as I did at the ending.

Also, if you want to know: I had a dream about how the Ineffable Husbands teamed up with some nun (who was as much of a nun as she was a saint - only on a technicality) and they made her carry the Second Coming, which eventually got her kicked off the nunnery of whatever cuz 'These days, if you get pregnant as a nun, you won't be called ‘The Virgin Sarah’ or ‘The Virgin Linda’. You will be called ‘a common whore’. So much for being a virgin.' (Quote from my fanfic (and the weird opioid trip).

I don't know what the rest of the dream was because Mr. Party Pooper (aka my friend JK Juno ily (^з^)-☆) cut me off because I was talking nonsense.

Long story short, the painkillers got out of my system, I took my meds, renewed the prescription, and went on my still-on-going recovery journey.

Did I suffer two heartbreaks in less than 12 hours? Yes. Were they worth it? Eh. I mean, it inspired my fanfic, but wasn't THAT worth it. Did I enjoy my trip? No, I threw up, had diarrhea, and then constipation for two weeks.

I still get an awful surprise when I rewatch Good Omens for a specific scene, only to find out AGAIN that I was just hallucinating.

Moral of the story - don't do drugs and be honest with your doctors and nurses cuz you might actually die.

Anyways, TOODLES!!1!!111!!!

~ CAwdra

[lhecxzsaisgay]

Accidents - S.J

Warnings: Forced sex, Physical abuse, A very mean drunk Scarlett, A very angsty chap.

Soooo, this is the very first time I'll be writing something like this. Someone requested is to me weeks ago, and this is the only time I found enough courage to do this. Bare with me, enjoy reading!

For more angsty books of s.j and n.r, this is my watty account @lhecxzsa, thank uuuu! Let me know if you would like a part two, and aftermath for this! Mwuahh.

You never had a very good past relationships.

But, that was before Scarlett.

At the age of eighteen, you started having boyfriends who did nothing but to hurt you, mentally, and sometimes... physically. You had 3 boyfriends inside of 5 years, 18 to 23, and that was it, you are now 29.

You were done with love, you've always been saying that to yourself after the last relationship you had, which very far much more toxic that the two just broke you mentally, but the last one didn't just broke you mentally, he physically hurt you.

You were a broken chaotic mess for almost 3 years, not believing in love anymore and the other things along that word, but everything changed when you met Scarlett. Scarlett changed everything, so willingly, she badly wanted you to be hers, just as she will be yours that she didn't gave up on courting you even though it took her 3 years, almost 4.

You two met, instantly clicked on, became best friends till she caught feelings for you, which she soon confessed. She knew about your past relationships, hell, she knew about everything. She became your shoulder to lean on, and you became her new found hope to continue on living inside her dull world that is full of toxicity with having sex with random girls, or random artists and going off to the club as her rest.

To say the least, she understand why you were very scared on letting her in to you romantically, though, you would be lying if you said that you didn't caught any feelings for the woman. Ever since the two of you developed your relationship, you felt it, you saw it, you're not an idiot to not see her obvious movements and steps that is screaming the words; "I Love You."

You knew it from the start, and then she confessed, but you weren't ready for anything. But, Scarlett being the charming woman she is, and ofcourse, with all her wealth, she did everything just to get you.

She changed, for you.

She changed you, just like how you changed her.

She stopped sleeping around, she focused on her work, but the rest of her time was spent on you without fail. Though, being a doctor can be a really busy job at times, it didn't stopped Scarlett to woo you and was determined to wait hours and hours until you're free. Most of the timesz she would always find herself outside of your footsteps, outside the house that your parents brought for you for your 25th birthday, wanting you to stop renting. She would always have something in her hands that she brought for you, most of the times, it was foods and anything that she thinks you might like, or anything the she likes for you to wear.

God, everything she'd done for you.

You guys are now 7 months in a relationship, everything was going well, no fights or anything bad has happened between the two of you, fortunately. Until, now.

You went to a party, a friend of hers, she wanted you to tag along, she always wanted you to tag along, being this cocky woman she is, wanting to show everyone that she got the most beautiful girl, it was no lie though, you are a very beautiful girl, a worth giving everything up for.

Along the years, you glowed up, becoming into this woman that looks so well written by a goddess, everyone wants you but, mostly for pleasure, nonetheless, it was no lie that anyone could easily fell for you.

But, being described as that brought some cons to you.

Being sexualized here and there, recieving so many catcalls, some would get have the pass cards, but not when you're with Scarlett, who will definitely punch the shit out of them not even a second.

But, right now, someone's making you feel very, very uncomfortable, and Scarlett's not here, infact, she's nowhere to be seen, which you mentally cursed her for taking so long to wherever she went.

"Come on, don't be such a stranger, sweet face. Why don't we go and have some fun, I'm sure it's lonely to be alone..." A drunken, beefy man from your side, who is invading your personal space already, said drunkenly.

You wanted to get up, maybe punch his face if you would get a chance since he's been bothering you for what felt like an hour already, then run to Scarlett, and get enveloped in her beefy arms.

But, this man got you caged in his arms, almost caged in his arms. And you were scared, you're not really that good in socializing, and running from him would for sure will bring some audience to look at you, and Scarlett might come looking for you in just a few seconds already, so you just scooted as far as you can, only for the man to pull the stool you're sitting on closer to him, almost making tears welled up in your eyes, thankfully, you girlfriend is just in time.

"Hey!"

~~~~~~~~~~

You don't know where she was going with her hurtful words.

She was a bit tipsy. A little bit tipsy for your liking.

It wasn't your fault. You know it wasn't your fault. You tried your best to make him go away, she might now saw that, but she saw how you scooted away from him before a fight between her broke out. Leaving the man's face bleeding before she practically gripped your wrist while her other hand went to your waist possessively.

She was almost carrying you out, she guided you to your seat in the red sports car she owned out of many. She slammed the door in front of your face, too harshly for your liking, it made you flinch, it made the beats of your heart became fast than it already was.

God, you know, it wasn't your fault. But, right now, it feel like it is. With all the words being thrown at you as soon as you both stepped inside the house, you following after her, wanting to know what's gotten her upset, wanting to know why she didn't hold you like she does whenever she sees you like this, in fear.

You were very scared.

Now, you felt more scared with her actions and confused with the way she's treating you right now.

Maybe, she wasn't just a little bit tipsy after all.

"I told you that I would get back immediately. I went to get us some drinks, but then you decided to whore yourself around behind my back. What were you thinking, Y/n?" She shouted, throwing the set of keys on the coffee table as you followed her to the living room.

You watched as she paced around the room, while you just stand there with your arms around yourself, as if it will protect you on what is coming. As if it would give you the comfort that you lack off, the comfort that Scarlett could only give.

She rubbed her face up and down with both of her hands, before the both of it raked her pixie hair. "Fuck, Y/n!" She stomped her foot on the ground, before turning around to look at you appropriately.

Her suit is messy and her sweats are a around the place. You don't know where she was being mad and upset about. Her words hurt. It was the first time she called you that, this was the first time she acted like this around you.

You didn't like the way she is acting.

The way she cursed your name in a harshly manner.

The way she was so mad at you for no complete reason.

"Wh-why are- w-what are you saying-" You couldn't even get to finish your sentence when she was again, shouting at you.

"Oh please..." She laughed as if it was funny, but now, tears were already streaming down your face as your heart started to hurt badly. She was drunk, maybe she can't see you clearly, she can't see the tears and how you started shaking so badly. "Don't act so innocent now. God, fuck!" She shouted once again, pacing around the room.

"How- god, Y/n. You don't- you don't know how that hurt me-" You couldn't help but to cut her off. What did hurt her? Did something hurt her the way you were hurting right now?

"What did? Did- did I do something-" Once again, it feels like you weren't allowed to talk when she cut you off, storming towards you that you couldn't help but walk backwards in fear.

"Who fucking told you to interrupt me?!" She was screaming straight to your face, before you felt her strong hands gripping your small biceps.

"Ah, Scar-" You whimpered, and she seemed to snapped out a little as she took her hands back before turning  around, her hands on her head as if she's going crazy.

You think so too.

She's going crazy.

She's hurting you.

You were sobbing when you heard her sniffles. 

She once again turned around to face you, there was something dark and dull in her eyes. You knew, in that moment, she's not the Scarlett you know. And, you could only pray to the gods above to bring that Scarlett back to save you from this woman in front of you.

She walked towards you until she was towering over you already. You couldn't help but to bow your head and tighten your arms around yourself.

"Do you know him?" She asked in a very darkened voice, you can't tell if it was just the alcohol speaking or it was really her. Your Scarlett.

"N-no, I don't..." This time you looked up at her, while you felt ome of her arm coming up to one of your biceps gripping it just as tight as earlier, that you tried to get away because of how much it hurts.

"The truth, Y/n. Tell me thr truth." Now, one of her hands was gripping both of your jaws, you couldn't help but to hold her wrist with both hands, but she was strong.

Much more stronger than you.

You couldn't get away because she was holding you bicep tightly.

Can't she hear your sobs? She once said it hurt her to see you crying, in pain, but now, she seems like a very different person.

Maybe, this was just a dream. A bad dream that you need to awake.

"It's the truth, Scarlett. P-please, believe me..." You tried to take deep breaths because you felt you chest tightening along with your anxiety starting to kick in. "Please..." You begged to the unknown shakily.

She only chuckled a little before harshly taking her hand off of your face, making your face turn to the other side, before she once again, dragged you up into the stairs, then to your room.

Your feet was barely touching the floor as you tried to keep up with her big and heavy steps.

"S-Scarlett, it hurts..." You tried so hard to take your arm back, but to no avail, you didn't. Your heart is beating so loudly, it feels like it wants to get out of your chest as your mind started to spiraling into the darkess unknown where you found yourself being into years ago.

You don't want to get back there.

Oh god, you don't want to go back.

Moments ago, you found yourself trying to be set free from her painful grasp, but now, you found yourself being so defeated that you just conceded to the defeat and just let her have you in ways that you didn't know she'll have you.

You found yourself being forced down on the soft king bed, both of your wrists were gripped tightly by one of her hand on top of your head, her other hand forcing one of your legs so it would part as wide as it could to other.

God, she was so strong while towering you over.

She was ripping you apart with her manhood, she already taken you while being bent over to the bed, your feet was barely touching the floor, it was now the second time that she forced a climax in you.

You felt your body getting in and out of consciousness as you continued receiving hittings everywhere her hands chose to land on.

You just know that tomorrow, you will be black and blue. Bruises will be littered on your skin. God, how did you go to this?

You pleas and begs seemed to be unheard by her. Your loud and broken cries was muffled by her bruising kiss whenever she would put her lips on yours.

"Scarlett! P-please... Stop! R-red! Red! I-I can't- I can't anymore. It hurts!" You started, only to be smacked in the face.

"Isn't this what you want? Huh? I'm giving you what you want, Y/n! Or, you like it more when it's that man who's doing this. Do you like that? I bet you do." There comes her sinister laugh, before you knew it, she was already throwing you to the floor before continued to rutting in you.

Your vision started to become blurryuntil your voice started to become slurry. You felt wet liquid started to stream its way down on your face starting on your forehead down to the floor.

You were laying on your stomach, she was moving so harshly and so fast behind you. The pain was too much that you starting to feel numb.

You felt your chest becoming more tight, and before you knew it, darkness have already swallowing you over.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics With Titles That Start With B (4) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three

Baby, I'm Yours (ao3) - katiemorag

Summary: Dan's parents are trying to set him up with their friend's daughter at a dinner, totally unaware that he's been sleeping with their waiter, Phil, for months.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside (ao3) - howell_slide

Summary: The heating’s out.

Or, Dan would do anything to get Phil to get his furry blanket for him.

baby, you put a spell on me (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Magic is common in Phil's world. But even spells and potions can't explain his seemingly supernatural affeciton for his roommate...

Babylon (ao3) - ottertrashpalace

Summary: Just a little story about two boys realizing that they can make their own rules, and even if it's hard, they are worth it.

Back to December (ao3) - trancelover99

Summary: Dan and Phil previously had a fight that resulted in a breakup, but after not seeing each other for a year, Phil agrees to meet with him in a coffee shop to talk things over. Will the two finally make up, or is their relationship done for good?

backstage, baby (ao3) - baroquen

Summary: Dan's a theatre kid doing his first show at university, Phil does theatre tech, and they fall in love backstage.

Backyard Bliss (ao3) - milfbilvy

Summary: Dan and Phil spend some time in the backyard of the phouse, enjoying some quality time together under the shade of their beloved cherry tree.

Bear (ao3) - Mysticallykai

Summary: As a child, Dan was easily frightened and needed comfort; that was when his Nana first gave him his Pooh Bear plush, as something that could keep him safe. Over the years, the plush became his absolute comfort, even into adulthood. When Phil comes into the picture, he makes Dan even more comfortable; through the good times and bad.

because none of it was ever worth the risk (ao3) - howell_slide

Summary: Dan arrives home from Phil’s, and the house is empty.

begin again (ao3) - damidragon

Summary: he just has to wait this out. sitting outside the doctor’s waiting room whilst his soul doesn’t so much as get pieced back together than it fades back in.

behind the curtain (ao3) - resurrectdead

Summary: Dan adores pink and is playing Satine in the school production of Moulin Rouge. Phil cherishes black and just happens to be good at doing some bombass makeup. Fate brings them together.

Benefits (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: They never talked about it.

"It" being those nights where one or both of them just needed a release and they helped each other out.

Maybe they both secretly wished they were more than friends, but friendship did have its benefits.

bet on love and let it ride (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: For once in his life, Dan decides not to overthink it.

Better Off (ao3) - tellsfromhale

Summary: Dan's relationship with his family has been getting better, but when his mum drops the bomb that she's seeing someone and wants Dan to meet him, Dan doesn't know how to handle it.

Blonde hair and broken lamps. (ao3) - TheWolfWithinMe

Summary: If you've watched the mukbang, you'll know where this is going.

Blondes just wanna have fun (ao3) - harrysbabyboo

Summary: Phil just dyed his hair bleach blonde and this is how I think the conversation with Dan went.

Blood On Your Skin (ao3) - Absolutefilthimsosorry

Summary: Dan has something of a blood kink. After filming the slime crafts video, Phil decides to indulge him.

It’s fake blood smut y’all. Idk what else to say.

Boom Chicka Wow Wow Time (ao3) - Scuddleduck

Summary: "Phil wants skinny jeans back. Not me. Those things are hard to take off when it comes to the boom chicka wow wow time, you know what I'm saying?"

-real life Dan Howell revealing yet another thing about his and Phil's real sex life that I Didn't Need To Know

a skinny jeans mishap threatens to ruin boom chicka wow wow time

borrowed (ao3) - dan-whoell (infiniteseriesofhalfways)

Summary: Dan borrows an outfit to go down to the corner shop.

bragging rights (ao3) - wednesday_ukiru

Summary: A hot doctor sits down next to Phil as he’s coming off anesthesia.

Buffy Movie Nights are Life Changing (ao3) - angelicsam

Summary: Things get steamy between Dan and Phil during their nighttime Buffy streaming session in 2010; featuring a confident yet bashful Phil and a shy Dan who learns how to drive Phil crazy.

Burning Bibles (ao3) - cherryheartz

Summary: phil lester loved curly headed boys with tattoos on their arms and a joint made with torn bible pages between their soft lips.

and dan howell was exactly that.

but home is just a room (full of my safest sounds) (ao3) - blueshirt

Summary: In which things fall apart, and then back together.

Or, the one where they break up in 2012 and stumble across each other three years later. Featuring Dan as a radio show host and BBC presenter, and Phil as a weatherman on the Isle of Man.

[forest-hashira]

omg fallon!! i’m so dumb i mean to respond to ur reply but i would love some podcasts recs!! i like listening to scary stories ones (like personal anecdotes / folklore etc) and true crime ! or any just good nonfiction ones! i will say i can’t really get into the ones that are fictional >< ik a lot of people recommend some of the fictional horror ones, which is what i always stumble upon when looking for ghost stories… and then i get bummed they’re not real HHAHA. but if you have any suggestions i’m always open :)

AHAHA no it's ok!!! also i do want to say i saw this like right after you sent it but if this answer isn't up right away it's bc i went overboard with the recs whoops. but i have a friend from college who used to refer to me as "the podcast queen" and also i'm never chill about anything ever so. prepare yourself.

i'm gonna separate these into true crime & not, just for your ease of picking something! i'm also including the app(s) i use to listen to them. these are in no particular order btw

True Crime

Serial - this is probably one that you've heard of/had recommended to you before, but if so there's good reason. i've listened to season one, about adnan sayed, at least a dozen times. i skipped season 2 (about bowe bergdahl), and season 3 (about the justice system of a city in ohio, i believe it's cincinnati?) was lower stakes but still interesting. season 4, about guantanamo bay, is also really good so far. on spotify.

Cold - three seasons, each about a different case of different utah women who went missing and whose body has never been found. i've listened to season 1, about susan powell, probably 6-7 times. i never finished season two, about joyce yost, but as i'm typing this i'm listening to the season 3 finale, about sheree warren. seasons 2 & 3 include descriptions of sexual assaults in varying levels of detail, but the whole show is worth a listen. i love the journalist who narrates it. on amazon music & spotify (s1 & 3)

Beyond All Repair - about sophia johnson, who was accused & convicted of murdering her mother in law when she was 6 months pregnant, pretty much solely on the word of her brother. i won't say anything else so i don't spoil it, but it's a case i never would have heard of without this podcast. on spotify.

Dr. Death - about a spinal surgeon that really should not have been allowed to operate on people. i haven't listened to season two (about a different doctor), but season one is NUTS. another one i've listened to multiple times. on spotify.

Your Own Backyard - about the disappearance of Kristin Smart. the host was born & raised in the same area Kristin was from, and it bothered him that her disappearance was never solved. the show brought the case back into the spotlight and helped get convictions. on spotify.

The Clearing - about a woman who realized later in life that her father was a serial killer while she was a child. another one that's absolutely bonkers and i have listened to multiple times. on spotify.

The Shrink Next Door - same production company as dr. death, about a psychiatrist that completely took over a patient's life & finances, told by the patient after he got out of the situation. you can listen to episode 1 on spotify, but the rest has unfortunately been put behind a paywall 😭

Heaven's Gate - about a cult that committed the largest mass suicide in north america at the time (i believe it was pre-jonestown). on spotify.

Supernatural/Etc.

S-Town - same production company as serial, but only one season. about a small town in alabama and one man who lives there. sort of true crime, kind of not. on spotify.

Let's Get Haunted - they cover true crime occasionally, but mostly do conspiracy theories or stories about ghosts/cryptids/folklore. the hosts are hilarious. this is the podcast that helps me sleep at night and that literally got me through my last two years of uni. there's like. almost 200 episodes so if you want a few specific episode recs lmk i will dm them to you!!! on spotify.

Myths & Legends - the title is pretty self explanatory, but the whole show is about myths, legends, folklore, and fairytales from around the world. it's like if a friend read the story and then recounted it to you in detail, i love it, but i am Very behind. on spotify.

Lore - about various ghost stories & the history behind them, mostly in the usa but from other places too (mostly like. canada & europe from what i remember). i am also years behind on this one but i remember really enjoying it. on spotify.

National Park After Dark - about true crime cases/disasters/supernatural stories in national parks from across the globe. i've only listened to a handful of episodes but it's pretty good! on amazon music & spotify.

ok beyond that what i listen to is either fictional or it's not worth a recommendation AHAHA. sorry if this was overwhelming but i cannot sit in silence and you asked for recs!!! thank u for giving me an excuse to talk about this 💜💜💜

[north-blue-hearts]

Family Practice

CisFem Reader x Trafalgar Law

CW: sex, language, violence

Summary: Modern Mafia-coded AU starts in last semester of College

Chapter 7: Twist

The next couple of days you returned to the manor with Law. He and Pops talked for hours at a time, and you were the only one that dared to interrupt them with drinks or reminders of the time. It left you with plenty of time to visit with your brothers, and while Luffy was sad that Law was busy every time he came over, even your selfish little brother knew better.

Ace, Sabo and Luffy were playing a racing game in the living room while you, Marco and Thatch were tidying up after lunch in the kitchen.

“Really seems like he really is, doesn’t it?” Thatch prompts and you and Marco nod.

“I saw the picture yesterday morning.” You admit drying a plat and handing it off to Thatch, “His dad certainly took after the mother instead of Pops, but the resemblance is uncanny.”

“I wonder what they’re talking about, yoi.”

You snort. “So even you get curious.” You grin, teasing him a little. “I imagine they’re talking about the past. There was a whole side to his dad he didn’t know about, and I’m sure Pops also wants to be able to do as much as he can. I doubt Law will join the Family though.”

“Oh?” Thatch’s brows raise. “Straight arrow then?”

“Eh, I wouldn’t go that far. But he wants to be a doctor, he’s almost there, and the next step is opening his own clinic. Doesn’t really line up, y’know?”

“Well, hopefully he’ll let us at least help get the clinic up and rolling, yoi.” Marco says, finishing up the dishes and draining the sink. “You like him, and that’s worth more’n the blood in my opinion.”

Thatch raises an eyebrow after a moment. “Hmm.”

You can feel his eyes on you as you turn your back to the sink and keep an eye on the boys in the living room. “I can smell the gears in your head overheating, Thatch.”

“I just expected you to smack Marco,” He imitates a higher voice, “Oh I don’t like him like that!”

Despite yourself you grunt a laugh. “I’m not a teenager anymore, give me some credit.”

“Then… you do? You know, like that.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t turn him down.”

“But?”

“He’s in the last year of his doctorate. His stress has stress. I dragged him off campus in the hopes he’d at least sleep. Instead, who knows what this has done. Nothing bad, as far as I can tell, but… I don’t know. I had a plan.” You laugh a little and shrug. “I don’t know, maybe I’ll…” Your laughter fades as you realize that Law will likely start his clinic wherever Rosinante is. Some city, or some nation, far from the Metro. “Maybe I won’t think about it for now.”

“… woof.” Thatch ruffles your hair, but there’s a comfort to it. “He’s not from the Metro.”

“He’s not.”

“Chances are his clinic won’t be here either.”

“…”

“It’s a hard call either way, but if you decide to leave us over some tattooed emo doctor, we’d forgive you, yoi.” Marco assures you, and his choice of words at least makes you laugh.

“You guys know I can’t leave the Metro.” You say as your laughter fades. “Think about what Pops went through just so I could attend college outside of it.”

“I think you’d be surprised how much the underground would move if you decided to leave the Metro.” Thatch admits. “I mean, we say it as a joke, but half of the guests that showed up for Christmas would go to war if something happened to you. It’s that damned aura of yours.”

“So, you say,” you grin.

“Traffy!” You heard Luffy yell and leap out of his seat on the couch, practically launching himself off of Ace. There was swearing from Ace, laughter from Sabo and a wrecking sound from the game that lifted your spirits before you walked out of the Kitchen.

Law had adapted to Luffy’s admiration of him quickly. He managed to side step the initial lunge at him and was holding the youth at a decent distance.

“Stay a little longer and play with us, there’s room for one more in the game!” Luffy offers excitedly. He’s already trying to stretch enough to get a better grip before Law can shake him off again.

Law looks over at you and you shrug with a small smile. “We have to head back tomorrow by lunch time, so there’s no rush for today.”

There’s a defeated sigh that comes from Law as he stops trying to hold Luffy at bay. “Alright, Mugiwara-ya.”

Luffy drags Law into the living room, and a small squabble breaks out between Luffy and Ace over the younger’s earlier use of Ace as a springboard. Law starts up a new race while they’re still squabbling and Sabo laughs before catching your gaze and giving you a thumbs up before going back to the race.

“For better or worse, seems he’s already been adopted.” Thatch admits.

“I haven’t seen Luffy latch onto anyone like except you,” Marco adds.

“Haa… yeah, I,” you thought you had a better hold on your feelings and suddenly were feeling overwhelmed. “I’m going to step outside for a bit.”

“Ah, (Y/N), I didn’t-.”

“S’alright, I’ll be back.” You wave dismissively as you cut Marco off and head outside.

The cold air felt good against your face and after you got far enough away from the front door you let yourself just bawl. You weren’t even entirely sure why you needed to cry, but there was a strange relief from doing so, so you just let it happen. You couldn’t pinpoint what was causing it, but your mind wandered over a lot of things that caused more tears to overflow.

You didn’t have anything against crying, so it wasn’t like you had been holding in tears for years or anything equally silly, but your heart hurt. Like someone had reached in and just squeezed it.

After Duval you hadn’t let anyone who wasn’t already a friend or family member get too close. That wall had probably prompted Brownie to spike your drink even though the two of you were barely even officially dating. That event caused you to have to take someone’s life to protect your own, and after that you had practically sworn off all manner of letting new people in, friend or otherwise.

You had only helped Law because you didn’t want Nutmeg to turn desperate like Brownie had.

And now, here you were. Neck-deep in feelings for a guy who you probably weren’t going to see again after graduating. Sure, you’d call and chat or text and keep in touch, but you already had odd jobs lined up, and he was going to be opening his own business. Daily texts would become weekly, then monthly, then eventually you’d get a new phone and decide to clean up your contacts and his name would slide off with a dozen other numbers you hadn’t heard from in over a year.

Your tears had stopped as your mind had wandered and chuckled at yourself. Cold and jaded and not even old yet.

With a final sigh you head back in, taking a minute to pat snow on your face and cover up the traces of your outburst a little before heading back in. Pops was waiting for you when you came back in and the hug he gave you almost made you cry again, but he didn’t say anything and neither did you.

The afternoon rolled into evening, and after dinner Marco took the two of you back to your hotel. The car ride was quiet. Marco didn’t prompt anything, and both you and Law seemed to have something on your minds, because you were both staring out a window watching the world go by as your thoughts swirled.

Going from the hotel to the morning, back to campus by evening, the last 24 hours almost seemed to have gotten away from you. It wasn’t until you were at your apartment door, having been escorted by Law, that his hand on your arm pulled you into being completely aware of the world around you.

His fingers were hot on your arm, which was unusual – the few times you and he had any contact he always felt cooler than he should feel. Right now the tips of his fingers seemed to burn into your skin, or at least they were warm enough to pull you back into reality, out the haze of your own scrambled thoughts.

“(Y/N)-ya.” Law’s voice snapped you out of your focus on the feel of his hand on your arm. “You’ve been out of it for hours, are you okay?”

“Huh? I… yeah. Yeah, I guess my mind just wandered off and I didn’t realize. Sorry.” You apologize, and then laugh a little. “It’s a good thing you were around, I could’ve wandered onto the plane. I… don’t really even remember the flight. Wow, I was really zoned out.” Realization sinks in and you feel fully embarrassed. “I… can’t think of the last time I spaced out that bad, I’m sorry I must’ve been a handful.”

There’s a slight smile on Law’s face and he shakes his head. “Not really.” He lets go of your arm and his fingers slip across yours as he steps back. “I was going to ask if I could come in to talk about some stuff, but you should probably get some rest.”

“Ah, no, I mean, come in. The least I can do is listen to what you need to talk about after you basically babysat me all day.” You assure him, unlocking the door and stepping in. You made a face, reminded that your apartment was still done up in reminder of your lost bet.

“Besides, I didn’t realize how hungry I was, so I can order something.” You add, nodding toward the hallway. “Come on, you know the hookah vibe’s drawing you in.”

You catch the slight smile and grunt of a chuckle as Law follows you in. You don’t get far from the door after taking your shoes off and stepping up into the apartment when Law grabs your arm again. Stepped up from the entryway you’re closer to being at eye level with him.

“I have to say something now, before I can stay, because what I say might cause you to ask me to leave.” He says, and his bright golden eyes are holding your gaze. You can feel the heat rising in your face, and you’re having enough of an off day that you can’t think of some sort of snappy retort to break the building emotion.

You didn’t know what he was going to say, but some small part of you was worried that after three days of being around a Mafia family he had realized it wasn’t something he could handle. Something he didn’t want. Something that would hold him back, and you didn’t have a defense against that.

Even the best of relationships had splintered for far less.

“(Y/N)-ya. I want to kiss you.”

What.

“… huh?” You were certain you had heard him incorrectly.

“Even if it’s just once,” He continues, his voice less sure than before, his hand tugging you closer just a little. “I can leave if I’ve made you uncomfortable.”

You step forward, you mind is spinning, but you’re keeping up. “You don’t have to leave, I mean, I’m not uncomfortable, and… y-you can… but,” you let him pull you closer, the small smile playing on his lips catching your attention before you look back into his eyes. “why?”

“Why do you think, (Y/N)-ya.” Law’s fingers slip along your cheek before his hand goes into your hair, just under your ear, tilting your head a little as he pulls you in. You can’t think of an answer in your boggled state, but he doesn’t give you time enough to answer even if you could.

His lips press against yours and your eyes close as the soft pressure spreads a gentle pleasure through you. His other hand is around your waist, pulling you closer as your hands mirror his. One threading through his hair, the other holding onto his side. The soft kiss was enough of a rush, little lines of electricity stealing your breath, and you both lean back to catch your breath.

Law’s face is flushed, and he looks rattled, covering his mouth for a moment. “Sorry, I didn’t expect such a rush.”

“Did I take your first kiss, Pre-Med?” You muse, trying to mask your own reaction with a smirk.

“First one that ever felt like that,” He admits, kicking off his boots, and stepping up into the hall. You step to the side to give him room but not wanting to step away and feel the wall behind you. The brief ratted look is gone, and bright yellow-gold eyes are holding you in a sharp gaze. “Again.”

It’s not a request, more of a warning as he pulls you into another kiss. There’s another electric rush, a pleasure that floods down to your chest as your lips part and his tongue pushes into your mouth. You barely realize the moan that’s filled your chest until his hands flex against you pulling you even closer.

The statement that had started this had caught you off guard, but the passion coming from the usually cool and stoic soon-to-be-doctor was even more surprising. He had never talked about any past relationships, but to be fair, you hadn’t ever asked either.

The heat and taste of the kiss are making your head spin, and there’s brief moments of air before the kisses resume, but you’re not sure who leans into who after a while. You can only think that you want more, that the delightful sensation that keeps skipping through your heart is addicting and kissing hadn’t ever felt quite so good. It was almost scary to realize that you’d follow this sensation out of the Metro and into the desert if those golden eyes asked you to.

By the time you both stop you’re breathing heavy, your face is hot and you’re barely keeping your feet under you. Law’s breath is heavy too, and even though he’s turned away a bit you can see the red in his ears.

“Holy shit,” you huff, walking by him and going into the kitchen. You get a glass of water and down it in one go. “You want something?”

“I mean -.”

“TO DRINK – To drink, Pre-Med.” You interrupt almost laughing.

“Water’s fine.” You can hear the smile in his voice and hand over the glass you had emptied and refilled.

“I’ll, uh, make some tea, after… after I order some food.” You explain. You can feel your face heating up all over again, so you turn to the sink to get another glass and have another drink. There’s a soft clink of glass against the countertop and you realize that Law’s standing behind you.

There’s a tug that prompts you to turn toward him, so you set your still empty glass down and turn around. You aren’t sure what he’s going to do for a moment, until he lifts the glass and takes a sip before leaning down and kissing you. The extra bit of water feels like a flood you’re barely able to contain, cool against the hot kiss, and the small squeak of surprise is replaced by a moan as you’re holding onto the kitchen counter behind you to keep your feet.

Law’s hands are on the counter, caging you in place. You can feel his eyes on you even if you can’t pull your gaze up from his lips. There’s a strange sensation as he swallows before breaking the kiss, wiping the back of his hand across his lips before taking a step back. You swallow as well, but it has almost nothing to do with the bits of water left in your mouth.

“I…”

“Sorry,” Law interrupts, running his thumb across your bottom lip lightly before taking a step or two back. “You were trying to cool off.”

“Was… yeah… am.” You manage the words, putting an arm out between the two of you. “We have to talk this out.”

“I agree.” The knowing grin on his face is almost too much. “I just needed to do that first.”

[starseneyes]

"I wish I could write 'weird sh*t' as a diagnosis"

I love my General Practitioner. My last one retired, and it took me over a year on a wait list to get into this one a girlfriend recommended, but it was so worth it.

Today I received my formal Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome diagnosis. Not vascular, in my case, but does cause me quite a bit of daily pain and I'll be off to PT shortly.

But what is often my least favorite part of visiting the doctor became a revelation today—the weigh-in.

TW: miscarriage, bleeding, pregnancy

The year was 2020. It was late February and I was getting ready for what would become my last Tae Kwon Do belt testing before the Pandemic shut the world down. I didn't love my weight, but I felt strong.

See, after I had my twins, I went back to pre-pregnancy weight in 17 days. Yup. 17 days. And for a 30-year-old, I was shocked and pleasantly surprised!

But after my daughter, three years later, I had 20 extra pounds that I couldn't shake. This was partly due to a rough pregnancy (almost lost her at 12 weeks, placenta previa, couldn't work out) and then complications after her birth (trapped placenta, bled for 5 months, hemorrhaged, etc).

I started Tae Kwon Do in 2019 mostly because I'd been told my whole life that I couldn't do it. I wanted to prove that person wrong, but also show myself that I was capable. I had to work hard, but I wasn't bad. That last belt test, I earned my blue-stripe (mid-level belt).

And I was strong. I didn't lose a single pound doing Tae Kwon Do, but I turned it into strength. Into muscle.

It was when I stopped weighing myself. I realized that the number on the scale didn't reflect the body I had.

But, when the world shut down, everything shifted for all of us. I was sick for 10 months of 2020. I lost 40% of my income. I had to balance working from home with homeschooling three children, and I barely ate.

Now, I am not one of those people who loses weight when they don't eat. My body goes into preservation mode, and it all goes to my stomach, arms, butt, and hips.

I gained 20 pounds, and since 2020, I haven't been able to get them off.

Six months ago, I went for a weigh-in as part of my physical. I tried to ignore the number, but I knew it well. No changes. Today, I went in for a follow-up—and 18 of those 20 pounds are gone.

I knew I felt different. I felt stronger. I felt healthier. My clothes felt different. But I don't get on scales anymore, so I didn't realize the difference of having the stress gone.

You see, 5 months ago, our lives changed. After a year of trying to keep up with medical debt by taking every extra job I could, working all hours and not sleeping, I finally put up a GoFundMe in shame and desperation.

In 48 hours it raised $8,000 and we erased all but two medical payment plans—one that is now down to $300, and the other has a few thousand to go for my braces.

I went back to working normal hours. I started being able to afford groceries again for me and not just for the kids. Everything shifted in a beautiful way.

I haven't gotten into a workout routine, yet, but I started walking several times a week for Mental Health Walks.

Life changed for us radically because a bunch of people (some of whom I've only met online) rallied around us in our darkest hour.

And for the first time in years, I am getting back to a healthier me. I cannot express my gratitude. There aren't enough words.

It's a reminder that sometimes we can't do it alone. We need our community. We need people who love us. And I am humbled and honored by the love showered on me.

And you. Yes, you! If you don't feel loved today, I hope you know that I love you. I value you. I am proud of you. You are beautiful. And you are loved.

[heymeowmao]

2023.01.23 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324861142718873967

Xiao Ning is here to wish you a Happy New Year!!

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. Xiao Ning is here to wish you a Happy New Year! LYN: Happy New Year, Happy New Year.

C: How come you’re only here now? All the food’s gone cold. LYN: You can eat first, don’t wait for me. Just eat a nice meal with your family.

LYN: It’s been 26 days since I last streamed? That’s terrible- 26 days?? I haven’t been attending to my proper duties (不务正业). In that case, it really HAS been a long time since we last met (by stream).

C: My mom and dad are waiting for you so we can eat together. LYN: You’re overthinking it. Friends, it’s the new year, please have mercy on me. Let’s not make trouble for each other during the holidays. Let’s all be happy. Just spend your new year happily with your family. Have “A Good Year”.

C: Ning-ge, I’ve gone crazy thinking of you. LYN: OMG. Don’t. You’ve thought of me so much that you... gave yourself a mental illness? It’s not worth it- and I’ve been making appearances, haven’t I? I was at Jiangsu’s Spring Night last night, even.

C: You’re wearing so little, aren’t you cold? LYN: You mean the short sleeves? There’s something in this world that’s called an “air conditioner”- if you don’t know it, you can look it up. A heater. Do you.. not know that such a thing exists? Also, Ning-ge is young and hardy- I can stand the cold.

C: Why does it seem like your voice is a little hoarse? LYN: Uh... I don’t know either. Maybe it’s because I just woke up. Well, I didn’t JUST wake up- I woke up in the afternoon. I’ve just been sleeping in lately. Earlier I was filming so much there was no TIME to have a good night’s sleep; It made me so sleepy. But these past couple of days it’s the New Year Holiday and I have a few days of rest, so I’m getting my sleep in. So these dark circles get smaller. I’ve been sleeping in. Someone earlier said my voice was hoarse- why? Is it thrilling?

LYN: Many of you are asking if my foot’s alright? Honestly, I don’t even know. It’s still attached? I’m not sure what the situation is, because they didn’t give an x-ray. When they open up again, I’ll get it checked out. For now, it’s the same- the bone’s broken so I should take care of it, what else can I do? The doctors told me- you know what’s strange? Each doctor tells you something different. The first one I went to told me that I could start trying to walk on it after three months. I could use a crutch and slowly start to recover my ability to walk. The next doctor I met told me that it would take at least 6 months. “You can’t mess around with this. You should only try walking after 6 months, otherwise it will leave you with aftereffects, if it heals incorrectly.” That scared me! If I were out of commission for 6 months then that would mean all my future projects will fall through. I met yet another doctor, and they told me I needed pins. I asked them what would happen, and they said after the pins I would need three months to recover before I could walk normally. At that time I had already been resting it for half a month, and this would require me to restart at three and that’s... much. So I gave that up. After that I met ANOTHER doctor, who told me I should continue the conservative treatment and just keep it in the cast and it should be no problem. It’s all about the same- about 100 days/3 months of recovery. Because it’s true that the bone’s broken, and it’s not just a simple matter of having twisted my ankle. I broke one of the bones into three pieces. How scary. C: Does it still hurt? LYN: It doesn’t hurt anymore. I don’t really feel anything. But now my right leg is losing its ability to functionally walk. The only thing I had going for me in this industry was that I had long legs. My face, singing, and acting is all not outstanding. I only had my legs as an advantage, and now I’m currently disabled.�� C: It sounds like it hurts. My heart hurts for giegie~ LYN: That’s enough of that. Don’t say useless things. What the heck is “my heart hurts for giegie~”.

C: Are you drinking milk or coconut milk? LYN: Coconut milk. I don’t much like (cow’s) milk. Usually I’ll drink yogurt.

C: Ning-ge, when you attended the Weibo Music Awards and saw the kazoo, how did you feel? [t/n: there was a short kazoo/kazoobie segment, and INTO1 were learning how to play it] LYN: I didn’t feel much of anything. They just brought out a bunch of kazoobie/kazoo on the stage. /playing with them/ I didn’t feel anything. It was... nice to see. C: Ning-ge, blow both at once. LYN: My mouth isn’t that big. There’s a distance between the two mouth holes. Sorry, my mouth isn’t big enough. LYN: That doesn’t mean I can’t try, though.

LYN: Forget it. C: Ning-ge, use a nostril to blow one. LYN: Do I have to try so hard for a stream, now? I have to start doing tricks? You want me to use my nostril to blow a kazoo. Well, how about I attach a tube to it and blow it from a distance? Have you seen those videos? They attach a tube to the suona and blow- such a long distance!- through that? Why don’t I try that, instead? Alright? I’ve got to pull out some tricks otherwise I can’t make you stay and subscribe to my weibo??

C: When will the new drama be announced? LYN: The topic changes so quickly?! You were just asking me to show you some tricks, and now you’re asking about the new drama? The new drama will be announced really soon. Of course I’ll go (be in the crew). Even if my leg is broken, I have to go. At first, like any normal person, I thought of taking some time to for my foot to heal. I didn’t NEED to pack my schedule so tightly and suffer any side effects from not resting it. But after being cursed at online for so long now, I HAVE to take whatever work comes my way, broken foot or no. If I don’t do the work, then that means I’ve been yelled at for nothing. I’d be losing out. I have to accept the work, and I have to do it well.

C: Ning-ge, what’s this bg music? LYN: Don’t butter me up. This is clearly one of my fans trying to pander to me, by asking me what this background music is. Isn’t there a rolling caption up there that keeps reminding you what the song is? This request comes across as a little fake. Next time try to make it more realistic. XD It’s auto-scrolling up there, “Modern Brothers Liu Yuning - A Good Year is currently playing.”

LYN: ! The Carnation Music Festival... I know I said I would hold another one, but you know there was a pandemic situation in Hengdian, and then I had to go to Macau. I was leaving, so I didn’t ask them (bandmates) to come over. Also, Ah-Zhuo had COVID, at the time. I didn’t want him to come over and give it to me, and then I wouldn’t have been able to go to Macau. After that I came back, before the new year and had some filming and events to do... and now it’s the new year. The day before the new year, I even recorded an OST. But this (new) drama should be ok. I won’t be as busy as I was when filming YNGS. I had too many scenes in that, I almost died. This one should be about half the amount of scenes than I had for YNGS. I’ll have time to stream and make some songs, maybe do a variety show. It’s possible, but I can’t say for sure. C: How come your voice changed? (it got gentler) LYN: Is it because we haven’t met in too long? You’ve started missing me, so you feel like I’ve changed. Maybe it’s because I haven’t spoken in too long, so you think my voice has changed? But also my voice is just a little hoarse. Just a little.

- /commenting that the special b-day drone performance they made for him was very nice/ LYN: Anyone who was in Hengdian all sent me messages about it. It gave me a lot of face. Thank you, everyone. The directors, actors, anyone who was in Hengdian at the time all sent me messages about it- “Liu Yuning, look what your fans did for you.” It was cool. You made me look good.

C: How many dishes do you eat for new year’s? LYN: /sigh/ The new year.... I ate bullfrogs (??). I bought a pot of bullfrogs to eat. I hope everything that happens in the year to come will come “gwa gwa” (smoothly).

C: Ning-ge, do you have any skin brightening tips? LYN: Am I a makeup streamer?? Why are you asking me how to get lighter skin on at this time, during the holidays? If I had a method, do you still think I would be so dark?? For lighter skin, just remember to supplement with Vitamin C and try not to go out. Close the curtains so that you’re not getting hit by the sun. If you go out make sure to wear enough clothing to cover up. The more you wear, the whiter you’ll be. Another method is to... rely on the beauty filters. The fastest way to be paler is to turn on a beauty filter. You’ll be a celebrity in an instant. Don’t think about those beauty products- this way you’ll see results much faster!

C: Ning-ge, I’m a student-fan and I want to cross the oceans to see you. LYN: Since you’re a student, you should just focus on your studies. My last batch of student-fans all graduated already. They all already graduated, so I guess you must be part of a new group of fans. Study hard and then get a good job. After you find a job and are making a decent amount of money to support yourself, then you can come and see one of my concerts. You’re in school now, so why do you want to see me? Am I a monkey? Don’t come. You can watch my dramas and variety shows when they air, and listen to my songs when I release them- that’s enough. You can come to see me when I’m holding a concert.

C: Will you have a concert this year? LYN: I really want to, I do, but with this type of thing it’s really too hard to say. If I can’t hold one this year then next year... I’ll hold one? Let me tell you why. For the current drama, I’ll probably be filming until June and by then half a year’s gone by already. If I don’t accept another drama offer for the second half of the year... then that means I’ll have to have been working on releasing my album while I film the current drama, since I can’t hold a concert without having done that first. Then there are the rehearsals and the logistics of it all, which would take until October to finish, and I can only hold a concert then. Just... we’ll see. We’ll see, okay? LYN: I was originally planning on holding my concert this year, because right now- to say it plainly- I have five dramas waiting to be aired. I was thinking I could take a year to rest, and shoot one drama this year and leave the rest of my time to my concert. But then I heard news that all five of my pending dramas will air in 2023. The YNGS producer jiejie told me she thinks YNGS will air this year. What?! ALL FIVE of my dramas will air THIS YEAR?? If that’s the case then I don’t have any backup stock. I would only have the one I am currently going to shoot, and then nothing else. Isn’t that- that would ruin me. It took me two years to shoot five dramas, and they’re all going to air in the same year. So then I was thinking I should probably accept another drama for the later half of the year, and then at least I would have two dramas as backup. That seems a little more rational, to me. LYN: In this industry if you don’t show up in front of people, you’re likely to be forgotten. So you have to think your plans through.

C: Ning-ge, you were sitting next to rappers at the Weibo Music Awards. Did you make friends with any of them? LYN: I didn’t really speak with them all that much. I only spoke to GAI, who was sitting next to me, briefly. I didn’t really get to converse with any others. Other people are up on stage performing, and you want me to sit in the audience making friends? That’s no good. LYN: When I went initially I didn’t feel much, but later I started to feel like a monkey. I don’t really like people to see me when I am vulnerable- it’s not because I want to save face or because of my idol burden- I don’t have such a burden. I just don’t like people to see me in such a poor state. Everyone else there is wearing nice suits and pretty gowns and I’m over there in a wheelchair. I’m just cruising around in my electric wheelchair, and every artist who sees me stops me to ask what’s wrong. I say, “It’s nothing. I just broke my foot while filming. It’ll be fine in a couple months.” And when I turn around it’s someone else asking me what’s wrong. It was a weird situation, because we’re all here at a MUSIC awards ceremony. I go, and I’m telling them I got hurt while ACTING. LYN: What am I (singer or actor)?? If I said I got hurt while holding a concert, it wouldn’t be as strange. But here I am at a music awards ceremony, surrounded by singers, telling them I hurt myself while acting. That’s strange. The second thing is- everyone is looking at me, and they see me and they’re very polite- wishing I recover soon. The third thing is my own projection- how must they see me? “How much did this kid want to attend this awards ceremony, that he comes even with a broken foot?? You’re already in this state. You should be home resting, what are you doing here??? How narcissistic are you, that you have to come here and bask in the honor of receiving your award?” That was just too awkward/embarrassing.

- /Daimi is barking/ LYN: ... What do you want?! LYN: She’s outside. I’ll let her in later.

C: Ning-ge, you make the boot look so fashionable. LYN: What are you talking about? But also- my old fans all know- no matter what I do/buy it has to be the best. I’ve always thought that I even if I am not that skilled, I should have the best equipment to make up for what I lack. For example, when I was learning how to play the guitar, I bought an expensive one... even though I can’t play it. Even if I broke a bone, I bought so much equipment for it. My friend sent me a chair you can sit in, in the bath. I also have these.. crutches... that you can set your elbows on, like a walker/frame- my friend sent me this, too. I have crutches (under the armpit)- two sets. The first set was a little short, it came from the hospital and did not match with my physique. At the longest extension it only reached my waist. So I went online and bought another pair- it can extend all the way to 2m, so it’s enough for me. I also have a wheelchair, two actually. When I first broke the bone I had bought a wheelchair, but after using it for a bit I didn’t like how it felt. When I was on set and my bros were pushing me around it felt like a struggle. So I went online and bought another one- an expensive one, for 3,000+ RMB. The frame was lighter and the wheels better, so it felt more convenient for me to get around set with. And then, I have to go out, right? I didn’t want someone to have to push me because I’d look really miserable, so I got an electric wheelchair. LYN: Then, I have this on my foot. When I was at the hospital, the doctor gave me this boot and I spent 600RB on it. After it was on... I thought it was cool. XD I was wondering if there was any talented individual online who had this boot, but made it look like Iron Man’s boot or something? So I went online to search if there was anyone with this creativity and sense of fashion. It’d be cool and it would protect my foot/leg- I wouldn’t need to feel embarrassed for the Spring Night Galas. I was searching and then discovered a problem. This boot that I have on, the hospital sold to me for 600RMB. Online, it’s 149RMB. I had a mental break. Suddenly I felt as if this thing wasn’t as reliable as I first thought it was. If it was 600RMB and could guarantee the safety of my leg I wouldn’t complain, but it’s so cheap I could just go online and find a better one! But there wasn’t any Iron Man boot. So I was searching and found something online for 500+RMB... if that’s the case I’m sure the hospital would have sold it to me for 1000+RMB, right? Anyway, I bought it... but it wasn’t comfortable. It’s sitting over there, like new. So what could I do... I went back to the original one I got from the hospital. But this thing, wearing it every day, it gets dirty. Also, you know, your foot’s bundled up in it, so... (it smells). There’s no way to wash it, because if I do I wouldn’t be able to use it the next day, and I need it to get to work. I can’t wash this one, so I thought of getting a replacement so I could use them interchangeably. I looked online... and that’s how I have the one I’m wearing now. This is the brand that all the big athletes use when they get injured. The imported brands, you know? So I thought it would suffice and I bought it. I’m full-up on equipment. I even bought a single forearm crutch, the kind that old folks use. And then... I bought the wrong thing. Everyone, crutches are categorized into left-handed and right-handed support. I don’t know if you buy crutches, but they’re separated by left or right. So, my right foot is hurt and I bought the right-handed crutch, to make my hand work in place of my foot. But when I got back it was then that I realized that if it’s my right leg that’s hurt I should have gotten the crutch for the left hand. I bought the wrong one, and I haven’t returned it. It’s just taking up space in my house, now. Later when I’m fully healed I’ll take all this equipment and raffle it off to you. Friends, when that time arrives, you have to come and participate.

C: Ning-ge, talk about the purple thermals. LYN: What’s there to talk about? They’re just purple. That’s normal. In Dongbei we have all sorts of colors. Usually when I’m shooting a drama, I’ll be wearing the character’s wardrobe. But for some time prior to that I kept recording douyin videos- I mean videos to upload to weibo, right? The drama’s pr department asked me if I could stop wearing the drama wardrobe, because I had been essentially leaking the look. Paparazzi are one thing, since it’s taken without our permission, but we can’t actively reveal the details ourselves. I thought that logic was sound, so I respected their request. So when I recorded that video I had taken off the robes and was wearing the purple thermals underneath.  C: Did you get them from HZT? LYN: Yeah. // No, really though. That was just a coincidence. I didn’t even learn about it until after I had uploaded the video.

LYN: Wait for me a sec, I want to change my cup. Or, let me go wash this one. Hold on. I’ll play you a video. Let me go wash my cup. It feels like it’s sticking in my throat. So there it is- I’ve found the reason why m voice sounds different! It’s because this thing (coconut milk) is sticking in my throat. Wait for me; I’ll wash my cup. LYN: I’m back! C: Drink less soft drinks. LYN: This is sugar free.

C: Ning-shushu (uncle), I start school on the 30th. LYN: Who are you calling “uncle”?? Even if you call me that, I’m still not giving you any money. School starts on the 30th? Then, study well. That way when you leave the house you’ll have learned how to interact with people and the ways of the world. School may not be able to teach you these things but your Uncle Ning can- worldly wisdom. When you see someone who obviously looks much older than you, first call them “ge” or “jie”. When they start to seem annoyed, then you can change to calling them something else. Whenever I see a woman who is older than me- I don’t care by how much- I always call them “jie”. If they are slightly older, I will call her “da jie”; if they are just normally older than me, I just call her “jie”. LYN: They’re all “jie” to me, because I used to be in the customer service industry. I was a waiter at a restaurant, and then later a clerk in a clothing store. You can think about it- if you have a group of older customers walk into your shop, are you going to say, “Hey, Uncle. What will you be having today?” If it’s a woman- “Auntie, what will you have today?” You’re going to make them lose their appetite! Do you get it? They’re going to lose their appetite, turn and find a different establishment. When I was working in the clothing shop and a woman comes in, do you think I would say, “Hello, Auntie. What type of clothing were you looking to buy today?” Do you think she would buy anything from me? I must be crazy. You’re in school now, so I completely understand why you don’t have this etiquette, but you must understand how the world works. If a woman walks in, no matter how old she looks, you say, “Jie, what type of clothing are you looking for today? Jie, you look to be in good spirits! Jie, try this one- I guarantee it will make you look slim. With an aura like yours, only you could pull off this color. Really, jie. It’ll look so good on you. It’s really nice. Why don’t you buy it?” See- this is worldly wisdom. C: What if they’re younger than you? LYN: Then I don’t call them by any title. Do you think, if someone younger than me walked in, I would say, “Meimei, what are you looking at today~?” No way. Also, I don’t like to call anyone “美女 (mei nu)” (beauty/pretty lady). People who are trying to sell you clothes will often call you “pretty lady”- I have never called anyone that. It’s too difficult for me. I don’t call them any title, but use “您 (nin)” (polite form of “you”). We’re on equal footing- I don’t need to make myself any lower than them. -- C: Meimei is watching you today. LYN: Go on, then. -- C: Call them “Miss/Lady (小姐)”. LYN: I don’t like that either. Other people can use that term as they like, but for me it seems improper. If I were younger I could call someone “Young Lady”, but I’m so old and for me to call a young girl “young lady”?? What do I want?? C: Call her “Old Miss (老妹)”. LYN: I don’t think anyone would use that, right? It’s like this- “老妹” is used as a more casual term, but as someone who has to represent the shop, we have to- to some extent- raise the profile of the shop. If you call someone “老妹”, it’ll be like they came into our shop to buy a cotton-padded jacket. It feels like, “Hey, sis. Come into my shop- take a look at the cotton-padded jackets and thermals.” So if you are a salesperson, you have represent your brand and give it a higher profile- even if not by much. You just can’t let the profile fall (lower than that of the customer’s). So then in this case we would use the term “女士 (Madam/Ms.)”. You can take her to look at some furs. XD C: Then just call her “woman” (女人) LYN: LOL. Women can call each other that among themselves, but me- as a male- calling a female that... is extremely off-putting. I don’t think “woman” should come out of a man’s mouth. It feels like, “Woman. This is a notice, not up for discussion. Give me all of your information in three minutes.” “Woman, you’re playing with fire.” /laughs/ “Alright- you’ve got my attention.” // “Woman, you’re playing with fire, but you’ve successfully gained my attention. Have dinner with me tonight. This is a command, not a request.”

- /BGM: Mosaic Band’s 霓虹甜心 (Darling)/

LYN: I’m drinking a soft drink, not wine! Who would be crazy enough to drink wine on a live-stream? I’d be insane. My alcohol tolerance is already bad enough as is, I don’t want to drink and say the wrong thing. I already have to watch what I say. I’m having a soft drink; it’s sugar-free. 

C: Ning-ge, did you go to Li Gengxin’s salon for a haircut? LYN: I really did. I told you before, right? That I had gone to a place in Changsha for a haircut and it happened to be one of his shops? When he found out that I went, he sent me a (membership) card. I hadn’t finished using up the funds on it, so I went to exhaust them a little. I can’t waste his good intentions. C: How much money do you have left on it? LYN: Why, are you going to use it?? You want me to tell you the number and you’ll go get your hair washed? You’ll get a perm, using my card?? As if! “Woman, you’re dreaming. I suggest you end this line of thought early.” LYN: How would I know how much money is left on the card- where would I even look that up? Look- this is another part of worldly wisdom (人情世故) that you don’t understand. You really need someone like me in your life (to teach you these things). Someone gave you a (gift) card, and you turn around and look up how much money is on it?? Do you know how to conduct yourself?? No one does that. When you enter society and your coworker gives you a gift, PLEASE do not look up how much that gift cost them. Don’t do that, there’s really no need. It doesn’t have anything to do with how much the item costs. Someone gave that to you with their good intentions. Someone gives you a card, and you’re going to look up whether they gave you 1000RMB or 2000RMB? That’s very strange. Don’t look it up. Later on when I want to get a haircut and they tell me that there are no more funds left, all I’ll have to do it add more funds to it. End of story. C: I have to give them something back. // I’ll look it up secretly. LYN: A return gift? That’s okay, then. If you’re going to give something back, then you DO understand the concept of worldly wisdom. If you’re not going to give anything in return then don’t bother looking up the cost. If someone gives me a card, what am I going to do? The most is send them a box of strawberries. If your friend gives you something and you look up the price of it in order to give them back something of equal value, then that’s okay. If it’s a birthday present though, there’s no need.

C: Ning-ge, if you see my comment, make a “V”! LYN: Do our interactions have to be so strong, now? The participation is so intense?!

C: Ning-ge, I want to ask- is the boot that’s supporting your foot breezy? LYN: It’s fine. The air doesn’t really get through to it. Because it has to wrap around entirely- I don’t know if you’ve seen racing seats? If it wraps around the driver it’s safer. Or.. you know when you go snowboarding, you have snow boots- it’s like that. It has the same function, in that it does not allow your ankle to bend. It limits your movement up and down, left and right. You’ll know what this feels like if you’ve ever gone snowboarding before.

C: Ning-ge, have you seen my house’s remote control? LYN: /looks around/ I haven’t. For my part, I suggest your call the police. Make sure they catch who stole it.

C: Ning-ge, did you buy your “young king young boss” (YKYB) cap on your own? LYN: This brand is HZT’s, and someone is asking me if I took the initiative to buy it on my own? Do you think our relationship as friends is so terrible, that I need to go out and make this purchase? Of course it is great to go out and support his brand, but we’re pretty good in that when he has new products he will remember to send me something- like a cap or jacket.

--

C: Man, will you sing? LYN: Woman, what song would you like to hear. Tell me within three minutes.

C: Ning-ge, respect winter. LYN: I’m at home! I have an air conditioner, so I’m not really cold. If I were cold I would put something on. I’m alright. I’m not cold.

LYN: I discovered recently that my Ten album is up on QQ Music. That was my first album. Friends, if you have time you can go on QQ and listen to it. It’s a very nice album. Let me look it up. I’ll see if there’s any song I can sing. 

LYN: I’ll sing one of my own songs. It’s called “A Ray of Light in the Darkness”. I hope that this year everyone can meet their “light”. Be your own light. - 黑夜的一束光 (A Ray of Light in the Darkness/Praying) LYN: Another! What should I sing? These are all songs on my first album... // I’ll sing this for you. This song is called “Contrary” (lit. = “Obviously”). - 明明 (Obviously/Contrary)

C: Man, you’re playing with fire. LYN: /chuckles/ Alright, then. You sure do learn things from my stream, don’t you? Even though this thing is not useful at all, but you sure can follow along.

LYN: Did I not sing some of the lyrics properly? Then that just proves that I’m really singing. Sometimes when you see my performances and I make a mistake in the lyrics, I do it to prove that I’m actually singing live. Even though I sing just averagely without proving myself, I still need to prove it.

C: Will there be a Carnation Music Festival this year? LYN: Yes. I had big plans for this. I wanted to make a home-style music festival. It would be at my house and I would call a bunch of instrumentalists over. I would hold a little concert in my house and stream it to weibo. It’s just that the problem was that there were too many things going on before the new year. I was thinking of doing it on January 8th, for my birthday. But then... then I had too many scenes to shoot for YNGS. I thought I had better focus on my acting. If I can, I still want to make it happen this year. When my foot’s better too, I need to take you to Shanghai Disney for a stream. I’ll give back everything I owe you. C: Look at this pie! LYN: I see a lot of you are commenting that I’m drawing another pie, that you have too many of my pies in your fridge already and that they’re starting not to fit. XD BUT! If I give you enough pies, then at least SOME of them have to come true, right? We can make it happen. LYN: “Man, you’re making empty promises again.”

C: Ning-ge, can I bring my baby? LYN: ?! Wh- which part are you referring to? I was talking about two things earlier: one was the concert in my house- you don’t need to bring your baby for that. You can watch that from the comfort of your own home, just watch my stream from your phone. The second thing was the Disney stream, and by that I didn’t mean that I was going to (physically) bring fans to the park to play. I meant I was going to stream myself- which you can watch from your phone. You can watch it with your baby, though. My stream does not contain any adult/illegal content. People 18 years and under can still watch my stream. You can watch it with your baby, that’s okay.

--

C: Have you heard any news about ALZ? LYN: I’ve really got to hand it to you. Of course, I know you all ask because you’re interested in me, and at the very least you know that I am a part of the drama. But, I still have to say: I don’t know if you’re my fan or not- but as an actor, I really don’t know much more than you do. That is- I don’t know. I don’t know when it will air. I can tell you that I’ve already finished recording the OST and I’ve finished my voice-acting for it; I’ve even gone in for some post-editing OS. My part is done. As an actor, I’ve finished my job. But on this same note, taking all this into consideration, my guess is that it should be airing soon. I can’t say for sure though because again, my part is done. From my past experience, after the OST and voice-acting are finished, the air date is not long after. C: Ning-ge, what’s the difference between OS and OST? LYN: They’re two different things. OS (voice-over/narration) is- for example if you’re watching a drama and in this scene a lone person is sitting with a letter in front of them. They pick up the letter and at this moment, there’s a voice: “Hello, Liu Yuning. By the time you see this letter, I will have already left.” This sound is called the OS- the sound you hear in the background.

--

C: Ning-ge, it’s Hei Ye’s birthday. LYN: It’s Hei Yanjing’s birthday today? I can’t represent this role- and people online have been saying this too. I’ve only had the honor of being a part of this role, to bring him to life a little, but I can’t say that I /AM/ him. I’m not worthy. LYN: I said I wasn’t worthy and some people are saying, “You’re right.” /laughs the pain away/ ARE YOU REALLY MY FANS?? You can choose not to say anything at all, just don’t reply. I said I was honored to be a part of this character but I wasn’t worthy of representing the role and people agreed with me. Just don’t say anything at all. LYN: You all are brutally honest, aren’t you.

C: Ning-ge, sing 冥冥有声 (Ming Ming You Sheng). This is an order. LYN: You mean it’s Hei Ye’s birthday today, so you want me to sing a song, is that it? If it’s my birthday, shouldn’t someone else be singing for ME? Or is it because I said I wasn’t worthy? Didn’t I already sing it earlier-  你是黑夜的一束光 (you are a ray of light in the night) --> 你是黑爷的一束光 (you are Hei Ye’s ray of light).

LYN: Let me see if there’s the accompaniment for it. - /searching for the track but finds that QQ doesn’t have it and the other site does not have copyright/ LYN: Where’s the copyright for it?? This is strange, what’s happening. They won’t let me listen to the song. Sorry, friends. I was going to sing it for you but it’s just not in the stars. They won’t let it play. Really. How terrible. I don’t know how this happened. I guess something happened with the copyright- it’s not important. I can play the MV... C: It’s because you’re not a member. LYN: 去你的! Friends, you don’t know but my Kugou Music account will be open until I’m 90. If I can’t live until then, it will be passed down. My old friends all know that I’ll have it until I’m 90- that’s how much I love music. But there’s nothing I can do for this situation. I really did want to sing it for you.

C: Sing it without accompaniment. LYN: /laughs/ You’re like my second aunt. C: Ning-ge, you’re a singer aren’t you? Sing it without accompaniment. LYN: Let me see if I have it on my computer. But I’ve changed it recently- this one is not the same one as before- so I don’t know if I do, but I used to. // I don’t have it. I really wanted to sing this for you, but I can’t. I know I have the track on a USB; I’ll have one of my staff bring it to me. Let me ask.  LYN: Alright, then I won’t sing it. Maybe next time.

LYN: Let me use the restroom and I’ll come back and continue chatting with you. Wait for me, three minutes.

--- break #1

C: Ning-ge, you’re so funny when speaking the Northeastern Dialect. LYN: Actually, I can speak Standard Mandarin- I speak it when I’m filming don’t I?

- /flaps his hand to prove he’s washed them/ C: Man- have you washed your hands. LYN: Woman, you’re playing with fire. What business is it of yours if I’ve washed my hands or not? LYN: Are we role-playing a dominating CEO now? You’ll find that all dominating CEOs have to have a rising tone. /showing the difference between normal speaking tone and lowered tone/ Once you raise the intonation you’ll feel like it’s dominating. You can’t only think of the lines (but also the execution). /demonstrates again/ Do you know why this is? It’s because it comes across as a sort of command. It feels like the everyone in the world owes you something. -/playing around with it more/

C: Ning-ge, did you sing the OST for Chong Zhi? LYN: Of course. Chaoyue gave me the opportunity, didn’t she? Then as a return gift, I sent her a box of strawberries. In order to show my gratitude. LYN: The song is really nice, though. I heard the demo and thought it was really good. You can look forward to it. // I’ve sung quite a few OSTs lately- all of the dramas are quite good as well. LYN: If I had a small wish for this year it’s that one of my drama OSTs can make it big this year, too. I’ve found out that my own songs aren’t really popular, but my OSTs don’t do too bad. I have a few popular ones- Rang Jiu, I don’t even need to mention. Of course I know that the song is popular, not me. I’m only the singer- the song was good to begin with. There’s Rang Jiu, and then the year before last was Tian Wen. Last year was Searching for You. My OSTs tend to be more popular. For OSTs, as long as the drama does well, the soundtrack won’t rate too badly. - /also mentions Fireworks and Stars, Colored Glass, A Dream of Splendor/ LYN: For this year I’ve sung for Chong Zhi and ALZ... I’ve sung for mostly good dramas, up until now. Let’s all look forward to when those air. C: What about Zi Chuan? LYN: I sang for ZC, of course. Anything I’ve been in, I’ve pretty much all sung for.

C: Ning-ge, I haven’t finished my homework yet and school is about to start. LYN: Get working, then. But isn’t it early for school? Doesn’t it start in March? Do your homework.

LYN: Am I trending? “Woman- am I trending?” “Really?” “Oh, my goodness. How unbelievable.” “I never thought a day like this would come for me, LYN.” LYN: Someone had asked me before, if I had an English name. I didn’t, really. My English name is “LYN”- shorthand for “Liu Yu Ning”. Then... I’ll be “LYN” (pronounced: li-en). LYN: In the Entertainment tab? /this is not a .jpg/ What’s wrong with that?? // That’s okay, too. It’s alright, it doesn’t matter. I’m happy to be trending at all, given it’s the new year.

C: Ning-ge, have you fallen into a role? LYN: No, sometimes I just like to imitate other’s voice acting productions. Just playing around with it. A long time ago- do you remember, I went on a variety show called My Brilliant Masters? We went around to a lot of amazing seniors. At the time I had only just started acting- I was shooting my second drama- I think it was around the time I was filming for Ultimate Note. I forget. We went around to a lot of different laoshi, and one of them was Wang Gang. He’s an amazing actor, you know? So I asked him, what did I need to do if I wanted to be a good actor? They’re seniors in the industry, so I asked for advice. We talked for a long time and he told me a lot. But there’s one thing that I remember the clearest. He told me, “As an actor, the script is the most important. As long as your lines are good, your acting will not be bad.” That’s what he told me, and since then I’ve spent a little more effort on my lines. I came to enjoy it. He told me he was working at a broadcasting station, and every night he would tell a story- that’s how he practiced reciting his lines. That’s why when you watch him, his lines sound so great. It came from those years of experience for him. That’s why I came to like voice-acting. LYN: I’m still not good enough yet. I still have to practice. Standard Mandarin is the first hurdle. My Standard is not that great yet. After that it’s even more complicated things. The only thing I can do for now is to voice-act for myself, and take it slow. His is one of my more favorite stories.

C: Ning-ge, you’re making an EP with five friends? LYN: You all saw that interview, huh? I really am planning on making one with five friends. But I’ve only thought of four so far. I want to make an EP with five friends... but I think this project will be long in the making. I haven’t even found enough songs for my own album, let alone finding songs I can sing with others. I’ve already discussed it though, and reached out to five friends. You know I only have so many. I’ll collab with them and make five songs. I think we can do it. C: Which five friends? LYN: I only have so many, you can ponder on this yourselves. I only have so many. LYN: Right now, releasing a song means having to pay money (not make money). So I just want to make something for fun. It’s not for the money. I just want to do something fun with my friends and leave something behind that you all can listen to. It’s not to make any money, this is a losing venture. This is the reason why singers don’t release albums- it costs too much money. Singers used to make money by... forget it, I won’t tell you.

C: Ning-ge, I’m also your friend. LYN: Right. I always say that my fans are my friends. So by this you mean that you want to make a song with me? It’s not impossible. We can do it. How about this. You don’t have to sing, I’ll just add your name to the credits. You can pretend that your voice is in there, but you don’t have to sing. I’ll add in your name. C: We’re your friends from all over the world. ( 五湖四海 = five river and four seas) LYN: That’s right. In my next song I’ll have it down as “Singers: Liu Yuning & LYN’s Fans from All Over the World”. I’ll put your name down, and you can brag to your family about it. “Look mom, I collaborated with LYN on a song!” And when she asks you which word you sang, you can tell her it’s not important. “I’m the sound of the guitar.” XD

C: Ning-ge, what should I do if I don’t want to get out of bed? LYN: You must be sick! You’re going to come ask me about any mundane thing now?? I can’t cure you. What should you do if you can’t get out of bed? Go to sleep earlier. If you go to sleep earlier, you would be able to get out of bed easier. If you’re sleeping 12 hours a day I don’t believe you would still be able to stay in it. Go to bed earlier- if you don’t have enough sleep you won’t even be able to lie down, then you’ll just get up again. Don’t stay up at night.

C: Is TXJ going to air soon? LYN: That will be slower to air. It’s still early for that one, because I haven’t finished my voice acting for it yet. I owe them so much work... The other time I went I only did five episodes, because I just so happened to be there for work on ALZ. After I finished up with ALZ I still had some time so I asked if I could work on TXJ a little. I finished five episodes. There are... still a lot to go. Let’s not rush.

C: Is your foot alright now? LYN: It’s not healed yet, not that quickly. It’ll take at least another month and a half. In another month and a half I’ll try walking on it normally. I’ve also discussed with the drama director, if we could arrange all of the fight scenes for later so we can shoot those when my foot is better. I was given the ‘OK’ for that, so we’ll just shoot the lighter scenes to begin with. Guzhuang dramas can’t really do without any fight scenes, though. They always fight. It could be a lot of fighting or a little, but they always fight. My best role was Luo Mingxi’s (ALZ)- he was a scholar, and couldn’t do martial arts. The whole drama he didn’t have a single fight scene. I was so happy, to be in a guzhuang where I didn’t have to fight. 

--

LYN: I’ve been shooting dramas for a few years now and as time goes by I’ve realized that I really didn’t respect my own appearance before. Before, and even when I was doing the voice acting for ALZ, I was thinking, why was I so... how should I say this... so lax with myself. Even with Heroes- you’ll find that in some scenes I look pretty handsome, I actually look pretty decent. But then in other scenes I look truly ugly. When I was watching ALZ (while voice acting for his scenes) I even had that impression of myself. I look good in one scene, but ugly in another. So then I was wondering how this happened- why does it happen and when? It really has to do with your own condition that day. For example if you wake up in the morning after having stayed up all night you’ll have dark circles and be puffy from fluid retention. Your jawline won’t be as prominent. Through the camera this all looks even worse- it emphasizes your flaws. I keep saying I was swollen, but the truth of it is I had eaten too much (read: he was fat). LYN: As an actor, you can’t really show yourself in a healthy state. That’s my own personal opinion. If you want to be on camera and look pretty and refined, you really have to show yourself in an unhealthy state. It makes you seem like you have a thin face and thin body, like you’re lacking in water. If you’re on the camera glowing and healthy, then you tend to look a little plump through the lens. It’s terrible.

LYN: At the time I was “swollen” every day. I forget who told me- a way to remedy this was to tie my ears with a rubber band. That if I held my ears it would lessen the water retention. Have you heard of such a method? There are all sorts of artists’ rumored beauty tips. So I tied my ears, every day, so much so that I thought that my ears would fall off! But did it work? It actually did. Let me tell you why- I’ve thought about the reasoning behind it. LYN: It’s because when there’s a band on your ears it has the effect of making your face look slimmer. Watch. /demonstrates/ It makes your face look slimmer because it’s lifting your skin a little. Since you’re tying it fairly tight it lifts the skin, and then you think it’s working because your face looks thinner. But this is extremely temporary. After some extent it won’t work anymore. You’ll be fat either way. LYN: That’s why for Ning Yuanzhou I really have to thank all the people who complained that I was ugly in the early days of filming. I thank them, truly. From the first day of filming there were people complaining that I was ugly. They cursed at me daily, as if I had never appeared in this capacity as an actor, or on a variety show, or had ever attended a gala, or had EVER shown my face outside of this one acting appearance before. It’s as if they had never met me. Like, “Wow, it turns out that LYN was THIS ugly??” So I thank these small friends for cursing at me, because their constant cursing made me hyper-vigilant. When I got to the makeup room in the morning, I would first put on a hydrating face mask and then follow-up by massaging (with a roller) my face. First make it big. Then, follow that up with a scraper, and watch the water retention slip away. After that, a cooling eye mask- to reduce the swelling of my eyes. After all this, twenty minutes have passed and the wig application is pretty much finished, so they can then start applying the makeup. For the first twenty minutes of every day, I went through this routine: massage for 10, scrape for 5, and cool for 5. C: Did it work? LYN: I don’t dare to say that it did. You can watch the video later on and let me know. Of course, there were some times that I was lazy. When YNGS airs, if you think Ning-ge looks handsome for this episode, and this scene, then you can be sure that I scraped my face in the morning. If in some other scene his face is lacking, then he was lazy that day. You can use this method to tell the difference.

--

LYN: I really want to thank those who cursed at me, from the bottom of my heart. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have felt so wary. I would have continued thinking, “An actor is an actor- the performance is what matters.” But the appearance... if I am comparing with others then there is always going to be someone out there better looking. Also, there are so many good looking people online and people say even THEY’RE ugly. So I thank these people for making me focus on my own appearance- not only in the drama. If I hadn’t experienced this for myself, I would not have had this growth, and would have continued on in my lackadaisical ways. C: Will you get angry if I curse at you now? LYN: What’s there to be angry about. People have already cursed me out, you came too late.

LYN: Also, do you know why I’ve debuted for almost four years and in those years have not really had a break? I’ve never said I wanted a break or that I would take two months off to rest. I have never said I wanted that. Even when the pandemic first started, I just entered into a drama crew. That was when I was shooting for The Long Ballad. Why (have I never taken a break)? It’s to thank those people who cursed at me. (t/n: Out of spite, you mean? XD) From the very first day, when I said I was a singer and they didn’t think I was worthy, until the day I started acting and they said I wasn’t worthy. It’s because they cursed at me and looked down on me, that I have the determination to keep moving forwards and upwards. These four years.. have gone by awfully quick.  LYN: If it were just my fans buttering me up every day- telling me I that I’m the best and the most handsome, that my acting is superb and my singing is great- if it were just my fans complimenting me all the time, I’m sure I would have drifted. I would be out there playing around instead. Why would I still be filming, when my foot is broken? Right? So I thank the haters. If they hadn’t told me I wasn’t worthy, I wouldn’t have had the strength to keep fighting without a rest. I haven’t taken a rest- you all know this.

C: Then, should we (fans) leave? The fans’ compliments aren’t important? LYN: That’s not what I meant. I’m sure if I ONLY had antis cursing at me I would have lost my mind by now. This is just like life- you can’t have shitty days ALL THE TIME, right? Let’s say you like to eat sweets. But if you add in something bitter every once in a while, you will appreciate the sweetness all the more. Right? You can’t only eat bitter things all the time! You would have thrown up, in that case. It’s like this. I really do want to thank my fans. If it weren’t for your encouragement and support, I would have had a breakdown in the face of all this hate. I’d have depression. It’s possible.  But it’s thanks to your encouragement, in hand with all the hate- that allows me to keep moving forward. LYN: I was thinking about this a couple days ago. I’m really thankful for all my fans, and I’m not just saying this. The great thing about you all is that you actually listen to what I say to you. When I tell you not to do this or that, you really do listen to me. You respect me. But because I’ve met fans that don’t listen, that makes me like you all the more. I’m grateful that I have you fas my fans. When I tell you something, you’re really willing to listen to me. Some fans don’t. They seriously, don’t. But you all respect me, and I appreciate it. Even my staff members, they think you’re all great. It’s because we have something to compare you with. LYN: Including when I’m at the airport, and I’ve told you to be conscious of being in a public space and not to come greet me, you listened. Or when I’m online and I’m trying to have a heart-to-heart and discuss something with you, you all know that I’m being serious. You all respect me. I think this is great. Because I respect all of you. If I have any news, I always tell you in the group chat. I hope that I can be transparent with you. If there’s something going on I want to be able to tell it to you straight; all you have to do is trust me. So, I’m really grateful for you.

LYN: In this industry, I don’t really have a competitor- because I’m not worthy of having one. I was chatting with a jiejie the other day, and she was wondering if there was anyone in this industry that overlapped with me. Someone that could be seen as my competitor. She didn’t think there was one. Because I’m not even in the same race track as everyone else. I stream, I sing, I act- there’s pretty much no one else out there doing all three. I don’t really have any competition, so I am a bit of a unique existence. But I don’t want to be like everyone else. I don’t want to interact with you all or work in this industry the same way as everyone else does. That’s why I wish for my fans to be different from everyone else’s as well. Let’s not carry any ill-intent. If there’s something that makes others happy, we can learn from it. But please, let us not become malicious. I don’t want us to become like them. If that happens, what will make us different? LYN: Also, I’ve been a cook!

- /sneezing/ LYN: Who’s talking smack about me? When I was little I heard the grown-ups say that if you sneeze twice in a row then that means someone is cursing you. I was being so honest with you, and you have the gall to curse at me?! What the heck... C: It means someone is thinking of you. LYN: THREE sneezes means someone is thinking of you. I remember hearing the elders said: 1 sneeze means someone mentioned you, 2 sneezes means someone is cursing you, 3 sneezes means someone is thinking of you. I think that’s how it went. C: Then, sneeze again. LYN: No~ LYN: “Woman, you’re playing with fire. I suggest you restrain yourself.”

C: Those are some feudal superstitions (foolish behavior, not backed by science; baidu) LYN: What are you- you’re trying to ruin me, is that it? Are you even my fan? This line of thinking makes you absolutely qualified to be an anti-fan; this ability of yours to take my words and twist them to a higher level of intellect in order to discredit me. I said that if you sneezed once then someone mentioned you, if you sneezed twice then someone is cursing you, and if you sneezed three times then someone is thinking of you. And then someone comes out and says, “Liu Yuning is spreading feudal superstitions during his livestream!” I think this burden might ruin me- what are you doing?? Stop trying me. LYN: I’m sure everyone is living under a lot of pressure nowadays. Be a little more tolerant. Don’t waste your energy. We can all live nicely. Work well. Study well. Live well. Treat people with kindness, because kindness begets kindness. Evil begets evil. Ill-intentions are always met with retribution. Is that also a feudal superstition? Kindness begets kindness and evil begets evil?

--

C: Ning-ge, is the beauty filter on? LYN: Of course it is. I’ll tell you honestly. It’s on. ... But not high. Normally when I stream I’ll turn on the options for blur and brightness. I don’t really turn on the other ones. Look at my eyes- they’re so small. They look especially small today because I don’t have any eye makeup. today I woke up and washed my face, and then came to stream. Okay, I didn’t wash my face- I put on some BB cream, and THEN came to stream.  C: It’s polite to turn on the beauty filter. LYN: Right! It’s the New Year and everyone is coming in to see me stream, so what point is there in showing a very haggard appearance? Freshening up is out of respect to my viewers. If someone on the street walked up to you and it was clear they didn’t shower in days... wouldn’t you feel disrespected? C: Givenchy’s foundation? LYN: Oh, my mistake. I put on some foundation earlier.

C: Ning-ge, you’re trending at #22. LYN: I don’t believe you. ~I don’t believe what you’re saying is real. Woman- don’t trick me. Well, since I’m already trending, then I’ll sing a song and see if I can climb up in the ranks at all. Let’s see if I can use music to make people stay. I’ll sing a song.~ C: Man- this is real. LYN: ~Oh~ Is it truly real? I don’t believe it.~ C: This man’s voice sounds like Siri. LYN: /Siri voice/ I’m here.

LYN: Hey Siri. Siri: Hm? LYN: Oh, I actually activated it. Hey, Siri. Siri: Hm? LYN: Happy New Year. Siri: Happy New Year. I hope in this new year you as as bright and alert as a rabbit. LYN: Thank you. // I just exchanged New Year’s greetings with Siri. LOL.

C: My mom is asking when you’re going to come over and spend the New Year. LYN: Have you tricked your mother and told her that I’m your boyfriend? Is that how it is? Let me tell you, try not to use this lie. Because, once Auntie sees a young kid like me, her expectations will be raised. Then later when you want to bring a REAL boyfriend home, she won’t like them. This lie is likely to influence your future marriage prospects, understand? Don’t do this. Don’t lie to your mother. Your mother will say, “This one isn’t as good as Xiao Ning was.” That’s no good, right? This influences your future. Don’t do this. Be honest. Just tell her I’m your idol. “A super idol’s smile is not as sweet as yours.” Just tell her straight that I’m your idol. C: Ning-ge, on this you’re so manly. So confident. LYN: That’s right, I am the legendary “Pu-Xin Nan”- the “most trustworthy man in all the world.” (普天之下最适合信任的男人) LYN: I am also the legendary “Ma-Bao Nan” (sounds like: Momma’s Boy, 妈宝男) = “Oh my goodness, a treasure boy!” (哎哟妈呀! 宝藏男孩.)

LYN: What song should I sing? I should sing something... // Let me sing this. This is a theme song made for the Palace Museum, sung by Modern Brothers’ Liu Yuning. It’s called “Heritage.” I gift this song to each and every friend who is with me right now. - 传承 (Heritage)

LYN: I was trying to make a joke earlier, and some of you have taken it seriously and are calling me a “momma’s boy”. I said “Ma-Bao Nan” and by that I meant “Oh my goodness, a treasure boy!” But you totally missed the point. Friends, I’m currently trending right now. A lot of people are seeing that I am trending and may just so happen to click into the stream. But if you keep spamming “momma’s boy” in the comments, they’re going to think there’s some sort of story here. You’re going to make me infamous. They’re going to think there’s a story here and they’re going to start digging. What happens if they start liking me? :) Whose fault is that? Initially they liked a different artist, but because they wanted to get to know me in order to dig up some dirt they started liking me instead. How am I supposed to explain this to my friends in this industry? So that’s why we shouldn’t take jokes too far, alright??  C: Whose fault? Liu Yuning’s. LYN: XD C: What is a “pu-xin nan”? LYN: “The most trustworthy man in all the world.” 

C: What about “xia-tou nan”? LYN: “xia-tou nan?” (下头男) [t/n: opposite of addicting “上头”; so... “off-putting”?] That is.. “one of the many other no.1 men in the world.” C: “Xia-Tou-Nan” is the “man who cuts his hair downstairs”. LYN: Do you own a hair salon??? This friend must own a salon- they live on the second floor and the shop is on the first floor downstairs. I’m guessing this fan is a girl, and her husband is a hair dresser who cuts customers’ hair downstairs. She calls her husband a “xia-tou-nan”- the man who cuts hair downstairs. XD C: Cutting your hair in the first month of the year? LYN: What’s wrong with that? Are you not allowed to? You really want to spread feudal superstitions here in LYN’s livestream?!? I’ll leave you with this burden instead. What’s wrong with cutting your hair in the first month? Are you trying to spread superstitions? Please leave. XD

- [t/n: this type of word pun goes on for a couple more examples, but I don’t want to translate bc I don’t understand them and my brain hurts, lol. But basically they are trying to make him give ah... alternate meanings to some common (non-pg) expressions. Chinese semantics.]

C: Ning-ge, how did you know I lived in a villa. - [t/n: got to this topic tangentially from one of the previous examples of word play//explanation.] LYN: Are you trying to show off your wealth? I’ve met two types of people who do this. The first kind are doing it purely as a bluff. The second are the kind of people who may really have a villa at home, but are the type of person who are the target of multiple types of scammers. If you have a villa, I want you to be wary, because I’m sure that there is someone on weibo sending you a private message to click into some link as a ploy to steal your savings. Because they see you have power. Or, it could be someone who changes their name to “Liu Yuning” and will pretend to have a conversation with you under the guise that I am on a secondary account. Because, since you have a villa, it means that your family must have quite a bit of financial prowess. If someone called “Liu Yuning” adds you, and you ask them “Are you Liu Yuning?” and they say, “Yes. This is Ning-ge’s secondary account.” and they start having a conversation with you, don’t rush it. Three months later they’re going to start asking to borrow 200RMB from you. They’ll say, “Ning-ge is having some trouble, can you wire me 200?” At that time just take a moment to think. It doesn’t matter if this Ning-ge is real or fake, they still chatted with you for three months. If you were paying them a salary, I’m sure you would still give the 200RMB. So, just be careful not to get scammed.

--

C: Ning-ge, I’ve run out of guazi. LYN: You’ve watched my streams so much that you ran out of guazi? What, should I go out and but 2kg and send it to your house? I should go out and find guazi for you? Should I add in some peanuts, too?? LYN: You event ell me when you’ve run out of guazi... you’re really... Really treating me like your waiter.

C: Ning-ge, I feel like your neck is a little short. LYN: I’m a cook. Friends, you should know that my neck is short because I’m a mess cook. Big face and thick neck, makes me a cook. It matches up. [t/n: this is some other word play]

LYN: ! ... :O ... >.> ... <.< ... Friends, my neighbors are fighting. It’s the new year, it’s not worth it. Do you hear it? C: I hear it. LYN: I don’t even hear anything. You must be having auditory hallucinations. Get that checked out. But anyway, they’re really fighting. Let me go take a look. Maybe I can get them to stop fighting. This is no good. I’m going to go take a look.Wait for me a sec, don’t go anywhere. If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please subscribe. I’ll play you a video. Wait for me. -- break #2 LYN: Wait for me a little bit longer, I forgot to grab a bottle of water. LYN: !! My computer froze. No way. LYN: Let me grab some water. -- break #2.5

LYN: Alright friends, cheers. Wait, no. This music isn’t right, I need something more elegant. We can cheers. Friends, get some water.  - /plays 祝酒歌 (Toast Song)/ C: Is this elegant? LYN: No. But I’ve had such a big glass of orange juice, can you all have mercy on me? Thanks. C: My dad said this song is from his generation. LYN: What are you saying, bro? We’re of all of the same generation. Next, I’ll sing you something from our generation. Uh... what songs are there from our generation. Um... let me think. C: Searching for You. LYN: A song from our generation is “Searching for You”?? No, it’s not. Er... let me think... This is from our generation. - 上海灘 (Shanghai Bund) LYN: That’s from our generation, right? Hehe. C: Your Cantonese is so good. LYN: Well if you’re going to say that, then I’ll sing another. - 千千阙歌 (Thousands of Songs) LYN: Oh, it’s so high. Let me lower the key an octave and see if I can pull it off. LYN: Now I sound like an old man singing. I can’t do it. - 倩女幽魂  (A Chinese Ghost Story) - /sings the first verse/ LYN: That’s enough. - /lip syncs badly to his own song instead/

C: My Cantonese is as good as yours. LYN: Well, I am from Dongbei... it’s still a bit of a distance to Guangdong.

--

C: Fake singing. Get out! LYN: Didn’t think there would be a day you would catch me lip syncing. Was it really so fake? Because the mic wasn’t even near my mouth? - /sings for real/ LYN: /sigh/ Lip syncing. Actually some people can make it look really real. Usually there are a few different kinds of lip syncing. The first is that you’re just moving your mouth. /demonstrates/ It looks fake, right? It’s actually not like this. There are other ways, one of which is: play the music, mute the mic, and sing for real. I’m still singing my part, but the mic isn’t picking up any audio. That’s one way to make it seem more real. /demonstrates/ C: You can still tell. LYN: Oh no. I can’t trick you anymore, in the future. C: I knew it was fake. LYN: Because you KNEW it was fake. C: Ning-ge, you didn’t mess up the lyrics. You must be lip syncing. LYN: If I didn’t sing it wrong then I must be faking. That’s true. There’s nothing wrong with that logic. LYN: No- it’s because the audio and video don’t quite match up, right now. Watch me speaking. It doesn’t quite match up with my lip movement because there’s a bit of a delay in the stream. All online streams have a bit of delay. It’s because mine is too HQ. My stream setting is high, so it takes bit longer to transmit. This is normal. 

--

LYN: Alright, I’m here to chat and sing a little. What time did I come today? Let me see how long I’ve been streaming for. 2 hours and 55 minutes. LYN: I saw they released statistics of my streaming for last year. I found out that ever since I started in the YNGS crew, there’s a big gap. My streaming time got short. I wasn’t quite awake enough. But it’s okay. It’s still early. It’s 9:44p. Be honest, guys, are you sleepy? If you’re sleepy then I’ll leave. Are you sleepy? It’s the second day of the new year! I want to wish you a happy new year. I hope you are all healthy and everything goes as you wish. It’s rare that you are able to take this time and spend it with your family. I’m going to enjoy this period of time as well, and then it’s back to the grind. C: What are you saying? I’m not sleepy. / High school late classes haven’t even let out yet. LYN: ?_? Are you serious. School is that hardcore now? You’re at school on the second day of the new year and late classes aren’t even over yet? Are you for real? Or are you talking on a normal day. You can’t mean right now, right?? LYN: Why don’t I believe you? I mean- it’s not that I don’t believe you, but... Oh! I see high school USUALLY lets out at 10p, but not today- the second day of the new year-, right? Normally- okay, I can understand. I was thinking you were going to be at school this late even today- that’s TOO miserable. It’s good that’s not the case. C: School starts on the 6th day of the new year. LYN: Students are under a lot of pressure, too. It’s like you’re going to work already. You are all the future of society. And, I always say this, because I didn’t go to college and I’m not that educated- but when you really enter into society and start working then you’re really going to cherish the time you spent in school. You’re going to cherish that forever. You may be thinking that it’s difficult to keep going, but once you get over it and you really start working then you’re going to miss the days you were in school. Cherish the time you have now, friends.

C: Ning-ge, you’re 30+ and haven’t had a break, no one is working as hard as you. LYN: I still take a break. But I’m working today. Originally, the crew had planned to start filming on the third day of the new year. But a few days before the new year they told us that we would start at the end of the month instead. In that case I have a few days to rest. It’s the 23rd today, so I still have two days.

C: I just noticed you’re wearing short sleeves. LYN: I have an air conditioner. I’m not cold. You don’t have to worry about me.

LYN: Some of you want to see my foot. My foot’s alright. It will still take a month and a half to heal. Thanks for worrying about me. I’m okay. And anyway, men fight, right? (爷们要战斗) I can do it. It’s just another month or so.

--

- /grabs Daimi/ LYN: A lot of you want to see Daimi. She hasn’t had a bath in a few days, so she looks a little messy. I didn’t want to let her on camera because she looks a little worse for wear. I wanted to preserve her artists image. Well, anyway. LYN: /to Daimi/ Greet everyone for the New Year.  - /delivering Daimi’s greetings/

LYN: Here, why don’t you sing? /tries some “ventriloquism”/ You sing so well! /continues/

C: Daimi only has eyes for you. LYN: Not so. You all just like to make everything sound so wonderful. Today, I’m going to have to burst that bubble. You like to make a lot of things so nice, but really my dog looks down on me. Of course I have a lot of people in my group and among them she is the closest to me- to her, I’m a one of a kind existence. But I used to have a rule. I used to have a dog, before- Youmi. This is Daimi. I wouldn’t let my dogs sleep on the bed. They can be in the house, but not on the bed. I used to think that a grown man petting a cat and hugging his dog wasn’t... I don’t know- wasn’t doing anything proper? Since I grew up with my grandparents- it’s an old way of thinking that I grew up with. So I didn’t hold or let my dogs sleep on the bed.. but not this one. I must be under her spell.  LYN: She’s pretty foolish; her IQ’s a little low but her EQ is high. Sometimes I grab her onto the bed, and then sleep with her. But not in the blankets- I’m in the blankets and I put her on top and pet her as I go to sleep. She has something against me. The longest shell stay is an hour, before she leaves. It used to be that I didn’t let my dogs on the bed. Now I have a dog that doesn’t WANT to be on the bed. She goes to her room; it must be more comfortable for her there than on my bed.

LYN: You can tell with one look into her eyes that she doesn’t have a high IQ. I’m not trying to diss her or make fun of her or anything. She’s just really cute. She doesn’t have those bad habits- like other dogs will chew on your shoes or rip things apart and break things- she doesn’t. If you GIVE her a shoe to chew on she doesn’t like it. She won’t chew on electrical wires, either. She’s just a really foolish puppy and doesn’t have any bad habits. LYN: But she does have one lately- and it’s that she likes to bark. She’s a little older than two now, and for the first year and a half I thought she was mute. She had never barked before. At most she would growl, but not bark. But in the recent year and a half she must have drifted. After she realized she was an artist she got spoiled. She barks every day. She barks at whoever’s at the door. Sometimes when I’m on set the director or other actors will come to see me- she barks at them. She used to be good, which is why I said her EQ is high. When I am filming sometimes a drama, company, or platform director will stop by and monitor. They’ll stop by and have a rest in my RV. She used to know her manners. If four people got on the car, she would greet whoever was the leader. For example, if four people got on the car and one of them was a woman from the company’s platform, very amazing... She’ll climb right into her lap! She’ll hug her leg and pretend to be cute. Normally they all like dogs so they indulge her. She’s such a good puppy. She’s helping me make connections! I’m guessing some of the jobs I even got were BECAUSE they liked her. She’ll greet all four but in the end she will go found the leader. C: She in estrus? LYN: But my dog is female, what would she be going around hugging people’s legs for?? LYN: Anyway, she’s not the same now. She barks at whoever comes. She doesn’t care about the platform or producers anymore. It’s gone to her head. XD Artists, man. I see in the past year and a half she’s becoming famous in her own right. She even has her own SuperTopic. So her attitude is changing. But the good thing is that she only barks and never tries to bite anyone. Sometimes she goes wild with barking and I think, “It’d be nice if you actually bit...”. Sometimes the person who comes will know her already, so they pick her up while she’s barking... and she continues to bark in their arms. Who is she barking at?? Maybe she’s barking at the outside? - /Daimi barks/ C: She heard you talking smack about her. LYN: I’ve ruined her reputation. Her market value is dropping. - /looks at Daimi on the floor... points at her./ LYN: What are you looking at??

LYN: She doesn’t even care when I call her name. So I call her something different. My dog has two names now. The first is “Daimi”. The second is “Want a sausage?” If I look at her and say “Want a sausage?” she’s so happy she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

--

C: Are you still going to stream next month? LYN: You’re already onto next month? I was planning to stream again this month.. You already want plans for next month??  LYN: If I’m not that busy with filming for this drama, I’ll go back to streaming how I did before. I used to so at least two-three streams a month, at the least. If I’m not too busy... but I will be busy at the start! Because I’m just entering the crew and need to get used to the character and read the script and things like that. I should be less busy later, though, When I’ve acclimated. It should be no problem.

C: Wasn’t filming going to start at the end of the month? LYN: Yeah, but I’ve got to make preparations before that. We have to do a script reading, set costuming and hair and makeup. There are lots of things to do. Just hair/makeup- I think last time for YNGS it took two days. I was trying on clothes for three. But I think that the look for YNGS- in my personal opinion- is the coolest I’ve looked of the drama’s I’ve shot in the past couple years. I think I look a bit more handsome in this than the others, because I’ve already told the producers to add some beauty filters for me. “I’m begging you. I’ll do really good in for my voice-acting, so please add in some post-editing for me.” C: Ning-ge, that’s not professional. LYN: No, you don’t get it. It’s because every drama edits in post-production anyway. If you think about my past dramas you’ll find that in any scene I am in the same frame as an actress I have a beauty filter. But when I’m in the same frame as an actor then it’s lacking. You can ponder on the reasoning for that yourselves. Isn’t it? Whenever I was in the same frame as an actor there was pretty much no filter, so I looked so terrible that it was hard to keep watching. But when I’m in the same frame as an actress there’s a filter. This time around I asked the production jiejie if she could add the filter whether I’m with a man or a woman. It doesn’t matter if I’m with an old guy or a great auntie, please add the filter for us all.  C: It looks more textured/realistic without it. LYN: You’re not wrong. ...But you must be an outsider. Where do you think “texture” comes from? Do you think it comes from not adding a beauty filter? As long as there’s no filter, there’s texture? Then, if I record something with my phone does it have texture or not? Having a filter and having texture have nothing to do with each other. Where does texture come from? One of you said it right. It comes from the Thermage. If your face looks good then anything looks textured. 

LYN: I didn’t know this before, but I recently realized that whether you look good or not is very important, for an actor. It’s not extremely important, but for a young actor I think it tends to be more important than most. I say this because... sometimes a person won’t need to do anything and they’re successful, because their face already captured my attention. That’s why I feel like it’s important to have good looks.  C: You’re good looking, too! LYN: I’m just average. In terms of appearance I’m really just average.

C: I went out to play for a bit and came back, but you’re still streaming. LYN: See? This is what it’s like to like LYN. It doesn’t matter if you go out and play, when you turn back I will be here waiting. Even if you go and move on to liking someone else- you can go out and play around- when you come back, I’ll still be here. How romantic is that?

C: Have you determined any variety shows for this year yet? LYN: No, I haven’t made a decision on any of them. Do you think this industry OWES me??? You think I have resources backing me?? Who do you think is pulling the strings in order to get me drama roles AND variety show appearances? Honestly, there are a lot of companies who want to make variety shows, but whether those shows can become come to fruition depends on whether or not they can find sponsors. If they can’t find sponsors, then they can’t make the show. If we had someone just throwing money at shows, we could definitely make them happen, but... now we’re just waiting for those money throwing bosses to show up in the first place.

C: Are you still streaming this month? LYN: Didn’t I just- I don’t know whether I’ll stream again this month or not. We’ll see. I’ll start to be busy again in a couple days. If I’m not too tired I’ll come to stream. It’s not like my stream is some big event that I have to prepare for. I just have to grab my computer and start a stream. At the most it will only cause me to waste a little foundation. XD It’s just that simple. It’s not as if I have any staff support- I don’t. There’s no one else here with me. My staff work well with me- when I’m streaming they’re either outside or not here at all. If there’s someone in the house with me, I can’t stream. I’ll be thinking of too many things. Streaming is easy for me. If I feel like it, I just get on my computer and start. It’ll only cost me in electricity. All it needs is one person and one dog, and we’re ready to go. C: Are you shy? LYN: It’s not that I’m shy, I just want a space where I am alone to stream. I’m just more relaxed that way.

C: Has Modern Brothers Liu Yuning Studio had a change in personnel lately? LYN: I’ve seen that too. They say I’ve changed staff, so they think I’m doing well for myself. Another thing they say is that the boss (himself) must have given year-end bonuses. Because I’ve done some photo shoots. It’s not that. I didn’t used to post any photos like this because I just don’t like taking them. I really don’t. They always tell me, “Boss, let’s take some photos” and I always tell them no. I find it bothersome. LYN: The new year, for example- I went to Jiangsu and sang three songs. 魔法药水 (You are my Magic), 笑红尘 (Laughing at the Mundane World), and 寻一个你 (Searching for You). I sang them all live. I know I’m a singer but singing three songs live had me panicking too! If I sang one wrong lyrics it would be live broadcast for everyone to see. Singing live is fine, but singing for a live broadcast makes me nervous too. If I sang badly just once it would just be out there, with no way to stop it. So all through that night I was really nervous. I was already nervous in the dressing room- my hands were ice cold and I was shaking. It’s not as serious as it sounds, but in any case I was a mess. This event only happen once a year, I didn’t want to embarrass myself on New Year’s, of all days. If I embarrass myself on the New Year it’s like embarrassing myself for two year’s worth of time. (the year going and the year coming). LYN: So I was nervous, and my staff were asking if they could shoot some photos. Previously, I would have said, “Let’s not take any photos. You’re making me more nervous than I need to be. I’m already THIS close to wetting myself, and you want to take photos?? Don’t bother me!” This includes other events, too- artists always take pre-carpet photos, right? I didn’t use to like those. First of all, it costs money and secondly, in order to take those photos I would need to get up an hour and half earlier than I would need to. Why would I take photos when I could use that time to lie down for a while- take a nap or watch a movie? For should I wake early to get into hair and makeup, and then to take pictures?? Taking photos is the thing I dislike the most. Why do you think my studio doesn’t have photos? It’s because I don’t want to take any. Some of you fans actually curse at my studio because of that. My staff are wronged for no reason. I’ve said this before as well- it’s just that /I/ don’t like taking the pictures. LYN: But this year I’ve had a bit of an epiphany. It’s just because I don’t have much to do this year. Rather, I haven’t shown my face outside ever since I entered into the YNGS crew. A lot of galas and events invited me, but I didn’t go. The truth is I’m afraid that my fans have seen too little of me. That’s why for these end of the year events I’ve tried to take pictures while I could. I’m thinking one year (since the last photo shoot) has been long enough. LYN: You may get the feeling that my studio has changed staff because it’s been too long since we posted photos. This time we went a little hard with it. It’s like starving you for half a month. I guarantee you’ll be happy with whatever I put in front of you. You’ll be full and satisfied.

LYN: Also, at Jiangsu I sang You are My Magic, right? Did you hear what other song we put in there? I sang a bit of 帶我去找夜生活 (Night Life. Take us to the Light). Did you watch it? I was watching the playback, and there was a comment saying, “Jiangsu is too unprofessional. This song is clearly You Are My Magic AND Night Life, but they only wrote the title of one. How unprofessional.” I was thinking, “Friend, you’re too naive.” If I had tacked the second song title on there, the performance might not have been able to air. You want Jiangsu Satellite TV to tell you that they are broadcasting a song called “Take me to find the Night Life”?? You have to take that into consideration, child. There are problems with that. LYN: Also, originally I was only planning on singing Magic, but after I heard it, I felt like it would fall a little flat because the second half of the song pretty much repeats the same verse. I asked them if we could add a song into the middle. They asked me which song, so I suggested another one of the band’s songs. Just stick it in there and be done with it. Jiangsu didn’t blink and eye, and spent a lot of money to buy the copyrights to just four lines of the additional song. And you still think they’re unprofessional?? Jiangsu is so good to me, really. They have never held back when it came to musical performances. C: Which four lines? - /doesn’t fall for the bait/

C: What about the camera shots? LYN: Now we’re on a different topic- I really don’t want to talk about this one. Let’s not. - [t/n: Fans of Liu Yuning and Zhang Yifan were fighting because LYN was singing Searching for You, his song, but the camera mostly focused on ZYF, who was featured as a dancer. LYN had to make a statement telling fans to delete their malicious comments about ZYF, and ZYF also stepped up to tell her fans not to fight with LYN’s.]

C: Which four lines? LYN: Just those four, you know. How does it go? - /plays the lines: If you have not yet slept; If I have not stopped chasing. If being sober is a crime, then I’ll take my oath and exchange it for a promise not to return./ - /prepares to sing it, suddenly stops/ LYN: Feels like I’m missing something if I don’t have my guitar. Let me get it. Everybody get hyped! -- 帶我去找夜生活 (Night Life. Take us to the Light)

C: Ning-ge, can you sing one of Wang Sulong’s songs? LYN: WSL’s copyrights are too intense. You can’t find accompaniments for his tracks anywhere online. I really would like to sing one, but there are no accompaniments so I can’t really sing them. There’s nothing I can do.

C: Any fun stories from the New Year’s galas? LYN: No? It was normal. Other than the fact that I was pretty nervous. The other thing I was nervous about was if I attended the event and then later got sick. Everything else was pretty normal.

C: Were you happy to sit next to Mao Buyi? LYN: Are you MBY’s fan?? You must be. That is- how happy would two friends be to sit together? That’s how happy we were. I’d just like to ask, how happy did you expect me to be? That’s normal too. Did I have to be happier because I’d seen a celebrity? LYN: It was pretty mystical too, though. He just happened to be wearing a long white coat. It was a windbreaker, but it just so happened to be white. From the back he really did look a lot like a doctor or nurse. He used to be a nurse, I think. Then my leg happens to be crippled. We went up on stage together- he with his white coat and me with my broken foot- and it looked like a doctor helping his patient. That was so strange, and purely coincidence. We didn’t discuss our outfits beforehand at all. Also, I didn’t know that we would be getting our awards together.

C: The sound is too loud. LYN: Which sound? Do you mean the music? Are you using headphones or are you just playing from your phone speakers? If you’re using speakers you might think it’s a little loud because of the noise. Wearing headphones is better. Here in my stream- look at those flashing lights back there. If I just had these in my house normally, would you think I were insane? I installed these lights to bring up the mood of my stream. The music and lights is to create the sense of atmosphere. The sound of the music is to give you the feeling like you are at a bar. Not only does it close the distance between us, it also serves to surround you with the mood. C: Ning-ge is this your study (book room)? LYN: I don’t read books. There is no “study” to speak of. This is a computer room. As a “pu-xin-nan” our houses don’t have book rooms. There are only computer rooms. 

C: Can minors watch Ning-ge’s stream? LYN: Yeah, just turn on your child-monitoring. You should be asking this question to your parents. I advise, if you are a minor, that you should have parental supervision while watching. Still, have a guardian watch you while you are watching my stream. First of all, though, I have my gifting options closed so you don’t have to worry about your child accidentally spending money here. Secondly, I don’t sell anything, so there are no ways that I can take advantage of you. My stream is here purely as a material benefit to you all. So when you turn on child-monitoring, if I happen to say something that happens to be sensitive, it will automatically censor me. For example, earlier I said that I sang a song called “Night Life. Take us to the Light” at Jiangsu TV- with the monitoring, minors can’t hear those words at all. Just turn the function on and you’ll be fine.

C: My mom doesn’t let me chase stars, so she doesn’t want me to watch at all. LYN: Then, then what can you do? If your mom doesn’t want you to chase stars, then don’t. Have you ever heard the song, “Listen to your mother. Don’t let her get hurt.”? ( 聽媽媽的話 | Listen to Mother’s Words) “I want to grow up quickly, so I can protect her.” If your mom doesn’t want you to chase stars then don’t, I guess. Don’t make it seem like we’re meeting up secretly behind her back. She doesn’t want you to chase stars, and yet here you are. That makes it seem like our relationship between idol and fan can’t be seen by the public.

C: My mom said you’re noisy. LYN: /sigh/ Yeah? What did you want me to turn on my stream and we would pray together (in silence)? Do you want to have a staring contest? Here, let me play some soothing music for you. LYN: ~Alright. Follow me as we breathe in deeply. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Until the end.~ LYN: You’d be sleepy in no time!

LYN: Oh, I almost forgot. Are you watching Choice Husband (择君记 | Ze Jun Ji) at all, friends? There’s a song in there... that I sang. I heard that this drama is pretty good, and it’s one of my good friend- Zhang Xueying- ‘s works. The first drama I shot, Hot Blooded Youth, I worked with her. I was just a little idiot at the time. She had already debuted and become a prominent actress way before that. She was a child actress. She was the first female actress I worked with and working with her was great. She took good care of me, being a rookie actor as I was. Even though I was old in age. But in front of her I was just a rookie actor, so she looked out for me. Anyway, this is her drama called Choice Husband and I have a song in it called 愿重逢 (Wish to Reunite). You can go listen- I mean, go watch it. -  愿重逢 (Wish to Reunite), Choice Husband OST C: You sang so well I feel emotional. LYN: Aiyo, that’s unlikely.

C: Heroes, Choice Husband, A New Life Begins, and A Dream of Splendor. LYN: I sang for them all, right? Thanks. You must not be my fan. LYN: /mocking himself/ “LYN, just stick to singing. Stop acting.” LYN: I should still act. I still have to act... C: Your acting-fans don’t accept (that you stop acting). LYN: I’ll act. I still have to. I’ve got some OSTs down for the next year, and if I have time I’ll still accept more drama roles. C: Singers should stick to singing. Stop acting. LYN: A lot of actors are starting to sing now too, though. Right? Be more tolerant. It’s the same. Whether you’re an actor or a singer, I think ability is a large part of it. Only when you have the ability to do something, should you do it. Not just tacking on useless titles.

C: It’s been so long since I watched one of your streams. LYN: Because I haven’t streamed in a long time. But it’s the new year now and I have some time to come stream. Mostly because I’m afraid you would miss me too much.

C: Ning-ge, you’re trending at #2. LYN: Stop saying nonsense. There’s no way I could be at #2. You must be subscribed to me, so you accidentally clicked on “my topics” and not “recommended”. I’ll believe you if you said I’m second among those you have subscribed to. Don’t mess around. You can’t even work weibo? LYN: I was trending earlier, but not now. There are so many people in the world, there’s no way I could be up there for so long. LYN (anti): LYN, I’m telling you, you should be happy that you are even qualified to be trending in the first place. Don’t be picky. It’s good enough that you were up there. Don’t get full of yourself. LYN: Thank you to everyone watching. You gave me a trending topic today. So if you haven’t subscribed to my weibo yet, please do so.

C: My mom wants me to go to bed at 11p. LYN: Why do you keep telling me what your mom wants? Do you think I can save you?? Earlier someone told me that their mother didn’t want them to chase stars. What could I say?? I told her not to chase stars. Now you’re telling me your mom wants you to sleep at 11p- do you think I can tell you NOT to go to sleep? If she wants you to sleep at 11p, then go sleep. If you’re sleepy, go to sleep. There’s still the playback. Just watch this tomorrow. There’s that song, right? Listen to Mother’s Words, don’t let her get hurt. You want to quickly grow up so that you can protect her. /continues reciting the lyrics/

C: My mom told me not to play with the opposite gender. LYN: Well, by that logic- I’m not playing with you. Who’s playing with you? Secondly, she probably means in real life? But it depends on what you’re playing. Normally, if you’re playing a game in school it should be fine. You mom probably just doesn’t want anyone bullying you. This is not an all-encompassing statement, though. You’ve got to find a husband eventually, right? She’s going to make you not like boys...

C: Is Chong Zhi going to air soon? LYN: Don’t ask me when a drama will be airing. I really don’t know. Honestly, I can ASK but there’s no real NEED to. Are you’re making me out to be a gossip blog and I should tell you whenever a drama is about to air? I remember I saw one that said ALZ would air in October of last year. Because the interest in ALZ is pretty high, right? So last year I saw a blog saying that they predict ALZ would air in October. I saw that and I wanted to punch them in the mouth. I wanted to say, “I haven’t even done my voice acting yet. X’D You say it’s going to air in October, you must be crazy!” They had just sent me the OST, and you’re telling me it’ll air in October?? LYN: It’s true that I recorded the OST fairly early. But I hadn’t done any of my voice acting yet. The gossip blogs aren’t accurate. For a lot of dramas whether it will air or not... /doesn’t continue/ C: When’s ALZ airing? LYN: I don’t know. It should be soon. 

LYN: The other day I was having dinner with my next director and they said to me, “Yesterday I saw some gossip online that said you have a drama with Jing Tian? It’s said to start in March? I took one look at our contract and said, “That’s fake news.”” Because in March I’ll be with HIS drama crew. LYN: I think of it like this- the fact that gossip blogs even deign to mention me means that they look highly upon me. Right? Let’s look at this from an objective standpoint. I’m not thinking of myself as an artist who’s all that- honestly speaking, I’m doing well for myself. The fact that gossip blogs are willing to mention my name mean that they look well upon me. By this, I mean in two aspects: 1) they think I’m good enough to participate in such an amazing project, or 2) they’re just mentioning me so that people can come curse at me, and that way their account will see traffic. That’s a second kind of recognition, but it’s recognition all the same.  LYN: That’s why I’m a “pu-xin-nan”- “the man most easily trusting of other people in all the world” (普天之下最容易相信别人的男人) C: They’re trying to ride off your tears. LYN: If think you were trying to type “fame” (liulang) but typed “tears” (liulei) instead. Also, I don’t have any fame

C: What’s your next drama? LYN: Don’t rush. You’ll know in the next couple of days. Then when the time comes, all you have to do is watch. C: Is it modern or historical? LYN: Guzhuang. C: The script is in for a big change. LYN: Why does the script have to change? Because my foot’s broken? No- it’s long been settled. They’re not going to change the script just for me. I’m not worthy of doing so. I can still shoot everything. I was still shooting for YNGS, even! For more than a month. It’s all the same. Even if you’re disabled you can still shoot dramas, still do fight scenes, still ride horses. It’s just that the horse can’t be running. For YNGS I had a few later shots that had to be done with the horse. I can get up onto it but since my foot has this on it- /shows his foot in its boot again/- this boot- we covered it a little with the clothes- but the problem is that I can’t put this foot into the stirrup. My left foot can go into it, but my right foot is just hanging. I can still ride slowly, but not gallop because for that you need both legs giving strength so you can control the horse. But anyway, I can still film all the same. I can still do the fight scenes, still do the wire-work. It’s not problem. I can still shoot the drama.

//

C: Does Daimi get any red envelopes? LYN: Daimi? No. But I gave her a lot of tasty things to eat. Yesterday I had dumplings and gave her two. It counts as having celebrated the new year. We had dumplings on the new year, too. Last night I felt a little hungry so I cooked more dumplings, and gave some to her. She doesn’t get red envelopes. She won’t know how to spend the money anyway. Little kids don’t know how to spend money. C: Can dogs EAT dumplings? LYN: In moderation. You just can’t feed it to them all the time. C: She’s not a “little kid” she’s a “little dog”.  LYN: Same difference. She’s still small. It’s just an expression, oh my goodness...

C: Are you male lead or second lead? LYN: Technically speaking I’m third male lead. I’m playing the male lead’s brother. I come out on screen... and then I immediately die in battle. That’s my situation... and then I can wrap up! But, this scene is so complex that I need four months to prepare for it. I have to work out how this character should die: every breath, every drop of blood, and how I should die. What words should I say before my death? All of those require months of preparation. C: He’s not taken away by aliens? LYN: Here’s the thing- I play the male lead’s brother and die on the battlefield in the first episode. After I die, I come back in the last episode on a UFO. Actually I’m not dead, I was just taken by aliens. I participated in an intergalactic war and after two battles I was brought back. I return in glory. C: What’s the book called? LYN: The book is called... “Fun Tales of an Alien and I”. Does this book have fans? LYN: “The Days I was Abducted by Aliens” is also a good name. This book has two names. It’s a good book. Look it up immediately, it’s the drama I’ll be shooting next.

C: Ning-ge, is that a Hogwarts pin? LYN: No, it’s Donald Duck. It says, “Get rich” *(发财). LYN: I hope that this year the group of friends watching my stream right now can all “get rich”.

LYN: I’ve been thinking of watching a movie lately. A lot of my friends said they went to watch a movie during the new year. I kind of want to watch The Wandering Earth II. Maybe when I have some time in the next couple days.

LYN: It’s about time, friends. Someone earlier said their mom wanted them to sleep at 11p. I guess they already went to sleep, then. It’s about time for me, too. I have’t eaten yet and so I need to make something to eat later.

C: Eating late night snacks isn’t healthy. LYN: Let’s discuss this topic of “late eating”. This friend says that eating late at night isn’t healthy, but there’s also a saying that goes “A man is not rich without external wealth, and a horse is not fat without night grass. (人无外财不富，马无夜草不肥) So from a certain aspect man and a horse are the same. Why are some people prone to being fat? Because they eat late night snacks. But if you say it’s not good (healthy)... I don’t agree. It depends on circumstance. For example, if you’re going to get abducted by aliens for it, that’s bad. But to me, as someone who lives on the Earth, who just woke up this afternoon, a “late night snack” is actually my “breakfast”. It’s my first meal, so it’s “breakfast”. Are you going to tell me that breakfast is bad for you?? This is reasonable, right? So we can’t say that late night snacks in and of themselves are bad, rather the TIME that you eat them determines whether they are good or bad. If I woke up this afternoon and still haven’t eaten, but you tell me that late night snacks are bad so I skip the meal and go straight back to sleep... I’d have gone a whole day without eating. Tell me, is not eating all day good for you or is eating late snacks good for you? LYN: If it were any other topic I wouldn’t chat with you about it. But since you brought up the topic of food I HAVE to chat about it, as a cook myself. I have officially learned for two years and worked for two years as a cook. So once you start talking food with me, I get excited because it has to do with my profession. If you were to try to talk to me about aliens I won’t try to carry the conversation. But as soon as you talk about eating and food I have to put a word in, because it’s my job. Also, us cooks have a course on Nutrition and Wellness. We have a book- though I didn’t read it- but I have it. But maybe because I have this book, I would know more about this topic than most. So I want to talk to you about it. I won’t argue about any other topic.

LYN: I’m thankful for everyone who is still here and who have watched my stream. If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo please do so. You can come watch me the next time I stream. If you have time, of course. If you’ve got something going on, continue with your business. You can still subscribe, though. It’s not shameful. It’s not shameful to subscribe to Modern Brothers Liu Yuning’s weibo.  LYN: Thank you to everyone who kept me company tonight, even if you came and spent only a little bit of time. I’m grateful for your company. Let’s meet the next time there’s an opportunity, alright? I wish everyone a happy, relaxing, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I’m happy you came. Let’s meet the next time. Good night, everyone~

[all-the-gory-details]

Whumptober Day 4

Cattle Prod / Shock / “You in there?”

TW: Electrocution, creepy whumper, objectification, torture

Alexei didn’t know when he decided Georgia would be staying with him for longer than most others. Perhaps he had known it all along, known it the first time they’d stayed up chatting online until the early hours of the morning. He didn’t usually put such a copious amount of effort in reeling in a catch, but for Georgia, it had always seemed… worth it.

The plan was solidified by the end of her first night in his basement. She made such cute faces when she was scared, such alluring squeaks and whimpers. He wanted to know what she sounded like screaming.

Years ago, when he had first started to capture, train, and sell his living playthings, he had distanced himself from the industry as much as possible, unable to see the joy people found in another’s pain. There had been nothing to his business but a fortune to be made. Even when he decided to take on a few permanent projects to offer to those who couldn’t afford to buy or keep their own toy, money was the only thing on his mind.

As the years went on, however, he couldn’t deny he was beginning to enjoy training sessions and punishments more and more. There was a certain allure to having another being fully under your control, whimpering under your touch, desperate and yet too terrified to do anything but wait for the next blow.

He paused as he unlocked the deadbolt on the door, savoring the anticipation. He had just finished mealtime for the trainees he was housing; there were 4 of them, at the moment; and his fingers flexed as the itch for action grew stronger.

He pushed the door open, and there she was. She was still seated in the corner, eyes blurry from sleep; she must have woken when he unlocked the door. He saw her moment of confusion, then the sinking realization and the fear that followed. He drank it in, leaning against the wall and turning the bolt again so the door wouldn’t close behind him.

“Morning, Georgie. Good sleep? Fever gone yet?”

“Al… Alexei.”

He clicked his tongue and shook his head. “That’s sir to you, love. I’ll let it slide this time, because you’re new.” She looked so confused, it made his heart pound.

“How… how long has it been?”

“Since you got in my car? A little over a day. I gave you something to help you sleep with the tylenol yesterday. Doctor’s orders and everything.”

She nodded, almost absentmindedly. He looked on with amusement as she tried to muster up the courage for another question. Finally, she cleared her throat.

“Why am I… here? What do you want with me?”

He smiled. “Would you like me to show you?”

She hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly.

It only took a moment for him to slip out of the room and find a suitable tool. This time, it was a cattle prod, charging on a rack on the wall. The power was about halfway, more than enough for what he had in mind.

It took another moment for him to return with the instrument of pain.

Another moment for him to watch as Georgia’s face changed from curiosity to fear.

Another for him to cross the room and crouch in front of her, placing the prongs of the rod on her sternum.

One more moment and Georgia was screaming.

The sound was glorious. It sent shivers up his body. One glance told him he had actual goosebumps. It had never been quite this strong with any of the others, but he wasn’t sure if that was due to Georgia’s personal qualities or his own growing addiction.

He didn’t care.

She was pressed against the wall again, trying to get as far away from him and his weapon as humanly possible. It was endearing.

“Wh-what,” she gasped, “the fuck-”

“Ooh, that’s not a very kind word, now is it?” Her eyes widened in fear and realization, right before her body convulsed once more.

She laid limp when Alexei spoke again. “Anything you’d like to say?”

She took a moment and a few deep breaths. “S-sorry.”

He smiled. “Sorry what?”

“Sir?”

“Wonderful, darling. You’re learning so fast. However, there’s one more thing I’d like you to learn today.”

Her breath hitched, but she stayed perfectly still, even when she felt the metal prongs, now slightly warm, come to rest on her back, now exposed from all her squirming.

Alexei took a moment to savor her shivering form, her obedient silence. He knew he had made the right decision. People would pay to see this, to cause this. But first, the girl had to be trained, and not only in basic respect.

He leaned closer to her, voice barely above a whisper. “Pain. You need to learn what it is to truly hurt.”

Georgia choked back a sob, and the fire continued. 

[limetameta]

Only a few people can understand that visceral disgust when you're looking at a person who's meant to mean you well and all you can see reflected in their eyes is the epitome of evil. If they could tear me apart and build me to be an exact replica of them, they would. If they could feed me acid day in and day out until nothing that makes me me remains, they would. If they could kill me and blame it on me and get away with it, they would. But of course, they hide their intentions behind well-meaning words and snide comments about how if only i changed one tiny thing, I would be worth more (it is never just one tiny thing) (and it is never just one tiny thing)

Like i am a commodity, and perhaps to them I am. To them who only see me as a tool that costs to maintain and doesn't give them enough value back, I am a dangerous thing to have. My words and my behaviour and my thoughts are much too ugly. They speak of a person they did not have a hand in moulding. In forcing into their fold. They see a stranger. Or worse. They see my mother in my stead. So they make sure to say how much I look like them. How if it were not for them I would not be half the person I am today. If one did not know them, one would believe they mean well. I know them. I know them well. If they could bill me for everything they’ve ever done for me, they would.

To feed me and to give me a place to sleep these four days proves too steep of a price so they must see a return and they must see one quickly. To see their only relative in so long, in ten years! It's only a reason to attack. Since they have to buy me a meal and since I'm not paying them to stay over in a stale bedroom with dusty decor, with claustrophobia inducing suffocation, then that means that I have to pretend to be their perfect replica. But my glasses are wrong you see I look so much nicer without them. I need to start wearing contacts. But my voice is too loud, why do I need to raise it? Why am I so annoyed? Why am I so neurotic? This is all my mother's fault. She poisoned me against them, yet why is it that they continously fill my blood with shit? Why is it that now that I am an adult and can see the situation clearly, they are even worse than what my mother shielded me from?

I went on vacation to visit a friend and then to be kind, to be polite and well behaved I only made the mistake of telling you. So you invited me to come, and I took you up on it, not thinking that every waking second would be an attack or a battle of some kind. Against enemies who, to be fair, have not changed at all since I was a child. Who, to be fair, still think I am that same child.

My friends made me sick. It wasn’t their words. The train to them made me sick. It wasn't their hate wrapped up in sarcasm. All intellectuals use sarcasm, of course, didn’t I know? But family is supposed to be kind. Where is your kindness, intellectual? Must my body resort to fever just so I can sleep and not listen to you? Must the only times you show concern be when I may die.

It keeps rising. It doesn't go lower. They don't mention the hospital or the doctor, because it might go down and it might not be another unecessary cost.

And the fever doesn't break and I keep hoping it'll last throughout the night and throughout the day and just so I don't have to hear them. That they can't infect me with their words, if they’ve already succeeded with their illness. And they are ill, because I saw a whole dresser shelf lined top to bottom left to right with medicine packages. But when it's time for them to give you medicine to lower your fever they deliberate, they debate, they all but fight between themselves because they have so few packages of the stuff. Can they waste it on you?

So you say, just barely, just hoping to survive one more night with them, hoping that your fever will break and you can go on your plane home: I'll pay for it. I'll give you money. Just get me meds.

Oh, they take such offence. Because you read them to filth. You know they would charge you the stale air they have if they could, but they are prisoners of politeness just as much as you are. So it is a crime and an insult to ask for someone to go buy you meds. They will buy it. They will give me everything they have.

The fever breaks after days. I am leaving tomorrow morning.

They are pretending to be sick now. That i have infected them. Yet you remember while you were sick how delighted they were that your plans changed. You had some friends you wanted to see in their city also. But you couldn't on account of dying. So they smirk and they laugh and they tease with words that sound so putridly villainous and cliche you think a child has written them: You wanted to see your little friends? You wanted to go out and have fun on the town? Well, you can't :) You're stuck here now, hee hee.

As if it's their greatest wish materialized. As if spending time with them 24/7 is what they crave. To hollow me out into a husk to burrow deep inside me and puppeter me. To steal my strength and my youth.

The fever breaks and I see them.

My lungs still wheeze. My strength is not yet back.

You have not had a problem with your lungs in ten years. The doctor is baffled as he conducts tests to check for covid and it's negative. Your blood is fine. Perfect. Your lungs are not well. Have you had problems with them in the past?

Only as a child, you answer. And what a surprise that is. That you were always at your weakest when they were around.

Cutting them off had been the smartest thing you'd done. Why did you come back? What possessed you to think that it was smart?

Oh. You think. Ten years had passed. I am an adult, perhaps they will see it as such, too. And we can mend our ways.

It's a victory to survive and to leave. Not really.

I have not won, but I have survived against your greatest attempts to kill me. I have left and I am home and I will never let you in. I will never file my teeth down for your benefit when your teeth remain, broken off because you are sick, you are decaying, you are old , sharp in my lungs. If you had only had more time with me, perhaps you would have even found my heart and you would have struck.

But I am home now. I am away. You send me messages telling me you miss me already. I am covered in sweat and blood and my lungs wheeze. And you say you miss me. But be sure, I am no longer the child who believes you. And i am no longer the adult that forgot what you were capable of.

I do not miss you.

[henrysglock]

finally got the time to read chapter 3 of ptolemaea…. MISTER NIFTY AND MISTER NEAT JSKSBSJSNS CRYINGGGG SOBBING

Bob and henry have my whole heart I love them so muchhhh and young Scott is exactly how I’ve envisioned him, I also love how u write henry in regards to his trauma n how it can warp your perspective of situations, I relate so hard to how he downplays or twists things in his head because of what he’s been thru like being excited by hearing that Scott liked him to deciding it must just be fascination or something and settling on that. And I like how u don’t hold back w him still being triggered by the actions/words of ppl who have good intentions, that’s v real. And his pang of fear at the mere mention of doctors, also v real.

I felt it IN MY SOUL henry would take to sleeping in an oversized t shirt that’s why I always draw him it one !!!! I started kicking my feet when I read that

THE WAY I GASPED WHEN THEY WENT TO THE LIBRARY AND READ THE EDWARD TIMELINE PAPER DJSKSNS not bob calling it all a big coincidence lol

I also just love the small touches of references from the show like Henry’s insistence on “it’s not safe” and a bunch of others I noticed while reading like that

The pacing of it all is rlly satisfying too Im so intrigued

<3<3<3 shsksnsj

THEY'RE A PAIR!!! DO NOT SEPARATE!!!

The Bob-Henry dynamic has been so fun because like. Bob's in kind of this Steve-like role? Where he's a teenager himself but he's just got this kinda batshit kid attached at his hip and he has NO idea what the hell is going on. but he's here for it 🫡 Which is kind of akin to his role in ST2. Mans has NO idea what he's getting into, but dammit he's going to be helpful!!

Young Scott is my sweetie pie pookie little guy. He's got so much enthusiasm. He's dramatic and a little over the top sometimes which...looking at the dramatics he uses in canon as an adult? Yeah. 15 year old Scott feels like an absolute goober of a kid. He puts so much energy behind his interaction with Henry, it's just natural for him to. He's kind of puppy-like in that way; he charges forward with so much enthusiasm, only to realize a bit later that he may have come on a little strong and that he needs to be a little gentler. He's learning how to interact with Henry in a way that isn't overwhelming, but he's doing it without framing that change as burdensome (like we see with Max in canon, when she corrects him on her name and he just goes with it like it's no big deal). I adore him. He's such a good kid.

Young Henry has been a joy to write honestly. There's a delicate balance between capturing the fact that he's just some snarky teenager and having that trauma come in with a steel chair every once in a while. Because like a lot of the time that's how it is with trauma. Henry's got baggage, sure, but it's not everything all the time. He can still be and think about so many other things outside of his experiences in the lab. It just means his perception of himself is a little warped and certain settings/phrases make the hurt kick up a little dust.

Like that's how trauma goes! It's the lights going on in the foyer, something Bob doesn't think twice about re: the Creels, and Henry being hit hard with the last time he was there. It's Henry having a nightmare about something that was done to him, or a mistake he made that had disastrous consequences, and that turning around to color his self worth, making him go from expressive and present to completely shut down in a matter of seconds. Like you said, it's Bob with the best intentions (Bob, who's 100% correct), trying to get him to see a doctor for his concussion and him getting snappy about it out of fear.

And that's something that follows Henry, too, into adulthood. His mother still haunts him. Brenner still haunts him. The self-esteem issues still haunt him. It all just happens less frequently/with less intensity. It never goes away, he just...gets used to it. He gets better at pushing it away.

But anyway moving on!! Yes!!! He's such an oversized t-shirt guy. Personally I was thinking about that John Mulaney bit about the ghost of the little girl vs him in the too-big sleep shirt, because that's SO Henry. (Was there ever a ghost? Or was it just me all along?)

And okay like. As one of the main timeline theorists on this hellsite, I had to include my baby Edward in here somewhere. Yes, he is going to be plot important. It may or may not end up being canon compliant. We'll see how it fleshes out!! But yeah Bob doesn't know what he's getting into lmao he's seeing the Surface. Hell, even Henry doesn't know what's going on with that, but he knows that every "coincidence" has something more to it, even if he doesn't know what that something entails.

Okay okay and finally. I'm a slut for direct references to canon. Henward/El/Will are all canonically very similar to each other, it's just that they're shaped by differing circumstances. That is to say, 15 year old post-lab Henry would react to things in a mixture of El and Will: shoving hurt down/turning it inwards while also taking matters into his own hands and refusing to let others help. So...I would die before missing chances to make references!! (there's also a Robin-Steve reference, in chapter 2, I think, about being friends with 15 year olds pfft)

Gougjhfghjf I'm so glad the pacing is coming across alright!! I have No idea how long this fic is going to be so I'm just. writing how it comes and seeing how far it goes!!

<3 <3 <3

[fratboykate]

Hola! I came upon your post regarding someone asking you about the industry and speaking about the unions.

As someone who used to work for SAG-AFTRA and left after a year. It’s in shambles. I left SAG due do to it’s mistreatment of staff and being underpaid. The Union reps don’t get the best negotiating for those who work in SAG and mind you that organization represents over 160K people in the industry! The advise I would give that person wanting to get into the industry is DON’T! Run away and find another passion. And like you said, you have to know people’s aunts or uncles or some odd networking that doesn’t apply to normal folks.

People want to get into this industry because they think it's all glitz and glamour. Let's break it down.

Sure, the most famous actors and musicians are rich and famous but they're often lonely and isolated af. You've seen the documentaries. I'm not lying. You just saw Selena's documentary. We're not even going to talk about toxic ass fandoms because you know how I feel about them.

Unless you're Shonda, Ryan Murphy, JJ, or some famous showrunner with an overall deal that the studios value you're probably getting paid shit as a writer. Rooms are getting smaller. Series orders are getting shorter. With streaming you're also not getting paid residuals. Syndication isn't happening anymore. All the ways in which writers could make a living are disappearing. Oh oh oh...and the moment a fandom doesn't get their way they think they're within their right to harass, stalk, and abuse writers because they have no idea how this industry works and the fifty seven layers that go into decision making beyond just the name on the "written by" on an episode and because they think they know how to do our jobs better than we do.

Crews work literal criminal hours for less than stellar pay. 16-18 hours days, 6 days a week, in inhuman conditions to make your favorite shows only for you to turn around and BITCH like children when you don't get your way. There is NO work life balance. People miss their children being born on the regular. People get severely injured and have to go back to work the next day because they're essential to the functioning of the set. Look up any of the stories that were coming out when IATSE almost went on strike over the pandemic so you don't see I'm exaggerating. What Hollywood does to people isn't borderline criminal. It's criminal. Full stop. We're treated like animals half the time. People are forced to lie on their time cards constantly so they don't pay us for overtime or to skirt union turnarounds.

Yeah, I do this because I love this and at this point I'm way too deep but I wouldn't recommend anyone else getting into this. I've seen what this does to people. By age 45 the bodies of people who work on crew can be battered and destroyed. Why? Because you often don't even have the time to go to the doctor. Why? Because you work 16 hours, 6 days a week. When would you have time to go get checked out if you feel something wrong? You want to know what is one of the most common ways film crew members die? Car accidents. They fall asleep driving back home. Exhaustion. After working for weeks or months on a production. 18 hour days. They don't get you a hotel close to set so you have to drive an hour back to your house to sleep for two hours before you have to drive back then you fall asleep behind the wheel and you die. It happens more often than you'd think. We do this shit because we love it but I wouldn't wish the conditions we work under on anyone.

Don't do it. It's not worth it.