#i went into starvation mode

[jaeducs]

almost died after two weeks in an acute ward in hospital just to find another tiktok account reposting my scans/edits AND also my rent has gone up $90 a month even though someone was murdered infront of my house barely 2 years ago and also-

[aftermathing]

.

[prettyboykatsuki]

I LIKE IT BETTER WHEN YOU CAN'T KEEP WARM | ODXNY

✮ tags ; heavy themes, gender neutral reader, mentions of past suicidal ideation, getting together, romantic tension, angst to fluff, extremely lovey-dovey ending, some implicit and suggestive content (lit one paragraph n non descript), themes of touch starvation, small height difference (reader is shorter)

✮ wc ; 6.3k (this is so shameful bye forever)

✮ a/n ; every time a semester ends i lose my mind and me writing this in several hours straight is evidence. if i had a nickel for every time i wrote a character study with the central theme of loneliness, i'd have two nickels - which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

i will spare you the insane rambling for the authors note at the bottom of this fic.

✮ synopsis ; he wants something. to live maybe. and if he could be a little selfish, to be with you. he wants that, too.

Bright.

Could just be the dark room he keeps himself in talking. His computer system and encrypted Internet browsers are all in dark mode - and his desktop set-up doesn’t have any L.E.D. strip lights to keep him company. He prefers it that way, the ambiance a better environment to work in  when he’s doing his usual rounds. Down to the programs U.I. - Odxny spends most of his time in perpetual darkness. Cozy and familiar - totally safe and secure. Nothing but the low whirrs of a computers fan and the faint blinking of routers to keep him company.

You’re the brightest thing he’s had on his screen in a long time. You’ve got white walls and no precaution, really. You’re sitting at your own desktop - and he can see everything of your life in the background of where you sit. There are photos of you graduating high school, being around unnamed friends, vacations and trips, and head shots like the kind you take for a resume. It’s all so personal. Bookshelves, trinkets, poorly made clay sculptures. Posters of musicians you like and Studio Ghibli movies. Evidence of life surrounds you like a halo.

Awful. Angel comparisons to someone he’s only known for a day make him wonder if he’s more pathetic than he thought. He probably shouldn’t think so hard about a stranger, a real stranger. Thrim generated randomly, though he thinks it sounds like a name. Finds it fun to say, for better or worse.

Natural light pours in from a window nearby, casting shadows in your room. He already knows you, in a way. He did the background search. Where you were born, raised, grew up.  The schools you went too, the career you seek. Bits and pieces of you are all scattered in his memory and are not at all thorough. He wasn’t really trying for that at the time, just needed to know if you were dangerous. There’s a cognitive dissonance. To know a life so thoroughly and to witness it is completely, and utterly different.

There’s miles between you. Must be thousands. He can’t remember the last time he’s really met someone, though. It’s hard not to notice that this feels akin to that. Like the embers of a campfire, glowing but not burning. A comfortable warmth.

Bright. His screen is very bright talking to you. Even obscured behind the mask, it’s a little difficult to look at it and leaves him on edge - restless and mildly painful.

When his vision adjusts though, there’s clarity. A person, a stranger - with an exceptionally nice laugh and who is exceptionally trusting. Odxny tries not to think too hard about the feeling of warmth that flutters at your overflowing sincerity.

The conversation is easy.

“Does that mean you trust me now?”

Odxny pretends to think on it. “Enough to keep you around.”

“See you later.”

“See you.”

You accompany your last words with a wave - short and sweet. Darkness pulls him in, back where he started. He has a mild headache from all the light.

__

You pick up on the language better than he thought you would.

He underestimated you. Can you blame him? Your choice is language is ArnoldC, for fucksake. Sure, he has limited knowledge on esoteric languages but can it really be in-depth enough to show you the basics.

(It can. Or at least, Od presumes this to be the case because you’re rather helpful in Incri’s hacks and Incri is hardly helpful to anyone in the world, no less the server.)

You pick up on things quickly with little guidance - always to the point and not usually making many errors. He has to commend your abilities and give you credit where it’s due. It’s not a hard language to learn, but for anyone with no familiarity with coding at all he’d expect there to be a learning curve. Even if you had coding language, it’s not like you knew SQL coming in.

You fit strangely well into the server somehow. You’re happy to learn and nonplussed about helping with small things, though you don’t know these people at all and have no reason to participate in their nonsense. You talk to Incri fine, and manage to get Pep to accidentally reveal telling information. Odxny finds all of this rather… entertaining maybe. More than impressive, really.

He has a hard time making sense of the feeling. He would hope you don’t think you’re under duress - given the fact your relationship in two days has been pleasant. Then again - maybe he’s missed some social cue and you do think that. It’s possible. After all, he doesn’t actually remember the last time he’s spoken verbally to anyone with very, very few exceptions.

He manages to call you again after the fact - opens the call with sincere and heartfelt congrats and feels pleasant seeing you take the compliment in stride.

You land on the subject of programming again, inevitably. He interrogates you a little more over your choice in language - almost like he can’t help himself. It’s basic curiosity. You had said you were the best in ArnoldC. A little research proved that to be true, presence of you in the forums of various esolang pages. He landed on many things. You’re the best at ArnoldC, but you also know Brainfuck for some ridiculous reason.

He thinks you’re a little ridiculous in general.

“It’s really for the love of the game, huh?”

You nod when he asks this. Smiling, bright and unbothered with a soft edge of smug pride that makes the muscles of his face twitch up. “Mhm. I like my little collection.

Odxny doesn’t doubt it for even a minute. He’s seen the proof, but perhaps he doesn’t need to mention that. “Your trophy case of ridiculous language?”

Your eyes come to life all of a sudden. “Wait. A real trophy case would actually be so cool.”

He pauses, blinking as the words sink before a smile breaks onto his face helplessly. “That was not to enable you.”

“Too late. I’m already looking up the ugliest wood trim display cases I can find.”

The laugh comes naturally. “You really are just like this?”

You look proud again. “What? Fun?”

Yes, Odxny thinks but doesn’t say. “Baffling.”

You ask Odxny to elaborate and he does. The conversation flows with frustrating ease. So easily that he mouths off about his plans to you without a second thought. He doesn’t know why he does it. Not really. He’s thought it through over and over - so it’s not like he needs to disclose it. He made his choice.

He thinks about moving it along. About ending the call or simply brushing past without going into any detail.

When he glances at the screen, you’ve got a pillow in your lap and your eyes completely focused on him. There’s that feeling again, alarming clarity in your gaze and brightness that causes him immense unease in the world he’s made of nihilistic, apathetic darkness. There’s a plan, always has been. He’ll do this and disappear and the world will soon forget him. If it happens that way, than at least this loneliness is a choice he’s made for himself and not something the world has cruelly decided for him.

His lips move faster than his head, than even his heart. Compelled by a nameless and brilliant force. “I don’t have any reason to stay. I’m just — tired. Of everything.”

“No reasons? Nothing makes you happy here?”

His response is measured. Quiet. It’s not secret. He finds his voice crumbles around the words anyway as if they’re a confession. “Not for a long time. I don’t feel much of anything, really. It is what it is.”

You frown. He’s seen it all before. Heard it all before. “That’s…”

He cuts you off quickly.

“We just met. And we’ll be strangers again soon enough.” He says with as much conviction and resolve as he can possible manage. Who he’s convincing remains unclear. “So, not to be cold but..you know.”

The disappointment in your face leaves an impression, but you relent. He tries to make amends for the depressing conversation of talking again and you perk up so genuinely it makes want to cry, in a distant and foreign way.

“Catch you later, then.” He says, and closes at out the call. The room falls dark for the second time. He blinks a few times to get rid of the light clouding his vision.

__

Wnpep is eager to teach you on the third day.

You’re eager in reply - matching energy with sharp wit and enthusiasm. Wnepep is a better teacher than Incri by several miles. Evident in how much faster everything falls into place for you. Not that you really need too much help in the first place. You break down the crumbling walls of an insurance scam with ease and come out of the other side more accomplished.

It’s a noble last hack, Odxny thinks.  Not unsurprising from Pep - unofficially the most sane and likeable member. He figured it’d be something like this less than a matter of personal vengeance.

You go back and forth for a bit in admin chat. Od types an apology about winding you up and tries not to read too much into the innuendo of it as you reply back with your own faux offended replies. He insists he’s somewhat sorry, and you’re far from believing him.

He finds himself grinning at his screen while he texts you mid conversation. When the realization hits, he almost curls into himself from embarrassment - a hand covering his mouth like it’ll do away with the grave sin.

The inneundo happens twice in one conversation, before you get to call under the premise of a victory toast.

A brief conversation about the last hacks barely leaves room for much else except Odxny plans of total isolation.

“Mm. I should’ve known it would come back to this. Why do you care what I choose to do with myself?”

That baffles you in a terribly genuine way. “Am I not allowed to care about another person?”

Odxny speaks honestly. “You are but I mean…” He trails off. He knows how he feels. “I’m not really a person anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m no one. I’m going to be no one. You have other things to fill your life with.”

There’s a vulnerable edge to his voice that he winces at when he hears it. It’s true isn’t it? All of it is true to Odxny, but especially where he says you have other things to fill your life with. You might share the same hobbies, but he’s seen it. He’s seen how different you are - your livelihoods, your existence. You’d be missed if you suddenly disappeared. Odxny knows the same isn’t true for himself. It’s been like that for a long while now.

(It’s crushing. That’s what makes your very ephemeral existence feel like a burden. Why it casts the shadows of doubt on choices he made, about how he would live so long ago. You care, don’t you? At least, more than anyone else in his life in the present. You care so undeniably, and so obviously and it is all so simple to you.

He almost envies it. Almost resents it, too. It’s such a small shred of humanity, the barest forms of sincerity but it is painfully raw. A split nerve. An open wound It’s not like the server, all of whom have accepted this distant fondness. It’s a delicate thread - spider silk accuracy and just as much strength. There’s conviction in your missing him and it haunts him.)

You think of what to say for a long time before landing on it. “I do. But I can care about multiple things at once,”

It sounds like I care about you too closely. He finds himself shivering. He’s truthful with you, unsure of how else to be when it comes to these conversations.

“That sounds burdensome.” He says. “Isn’t that exhausting?”

You don’t lie to him either. “Sometimes. But it’s worth the trouble.”

“Why?”

“Because I like your company,” You reply. Soft sincerity in your words. More clarity. More painstaking light.

“It can’t be that simple.”

“Why not?”

“If it was that simple then -“ Then it makes it seem like things could be different. He doesn’t say that. Stops himself before it can happen. “I don’t know why I’m bothering to argue. Why do I feel like I need to prove this to you?”

He’s almost afraid to look at your face, wincing when he sees how knowing you look. Not in a condescending way - but genuine, full blown understanding. Like you see through him.

He wonders if he knows you as well as he thought he did.

Your face is so sympathetic. “Are you sure it’s me?”

He cuts the conversation short on his own - making an awkward transition from the topic at hand into whatever he can manage. It’s an awkward fumble - a poor attempt at distracting both of you from this line of thinking. You’re kind enough to let him have it. He asks about your hobbies. You tell him about how you like to try the weirdest things and combinations you can find in a restaurant.

He finds it suits you.

A lot of things suit you. Even your piss poor attempt at the Terminator that he quickly mimics - possessed by god knows what.

You laugh when he does. Brilliant and bubbly and characteristically warm. You say the words through giggles.

“That was so bad!”

“It was a lapse in judgment,” He replies back defensively, smiling against his will. He finds himself laughing too.

“I like your laugh, by the way.”

He pauses caught off-guard. “Oh? My laugh. Oh, uhm. Thank you.”

You make a face that he can’t read. Knowing. In a different way than the last. He feels nervous.

“I have been laughing quite a bit, haven’t I?”

You grin. Smug and deliriously happy. “Sure have.”

He looks away from you. “Ha...Odd.”

You giggle again. Your eyes crinkle at the corners, nose scrunched in genuine delight. It’s a pleasant sound but not because it’s particularly wispy or floaty or delicate. But it’s real. Pleasant in the way the white noise of park during summer. Pleasant like the varied playlist overhead in a record shop. Pleasant like a moment of humanity tucked between everyday. He clears his throat.

“I like your laugh, I think.”

You laugh again, gasping with faux offense. “You think???”

He tries not to feel so grounded by that sound and fails. “Yeah. I think. Laugh again.”

He tries not to add please. You shake your head like you’re reprimanding him.

“No, no, you have to earn that. Make me laugh.”

“Nevermind. Shut up.”

You do laugh again that time. He joins you soon after. “And now you laugh? At me?”

The conversation moves again, comfortable like a tide. You ask about his favorite language and he tells you as much. You’re quiet and growing cheeky, listening to him talk.

“So you do like coding.”

“Maybe a little.” He replies, not giving in. “You remember far too much of what I say.”

The conversation comes to a close again. He thanks you for how nice its been and you make an off-handed attempt to get him to change his mind. You could always talk more. The implication delicate beneath it.

We don’t have to forget each other. Odxny brushes past it - but says he’ll see you tomorrow anyway.

__

Extorting Elimfs childhood friend (?) is an easy enough endeavor. Odxny texts you through out - to ask advice on what things to take when he leaves.

He calls you again when its over too. He can’t find a reason for it - nothing that makes sense. He just wanted to call you. He hasn’t wanted something like that in a while,  but he tells himself its fine. This is the last time you’ll ever know each other.

So its fine. He won’t waver.

He’ll just.. call you.

He asks you on your weed habits, mildly surprised when you tell him you smoke and take edibles sometimes too. The conversation loops back to the fund at one point. You don’t hide your displeasure about the whole thing today.

You’ve talked about it already. No need to keep bringing up. But you seem to feel so strongly and Odxny can’t figure out why. Can’t shake the feeling of wanting to know why every single time.

“Is it really so hard to believe I’ve come to like you in a few days?”  You ask, after probing.

“In a way that matters, yes.”

You frown at him when he says that. It’s the most upset he’s seen you look, if he can call it that. You’ve never been upset when he’s been rude or insulting - but this is bothering you. It doesn’t help him pull away from you.

He says it again. Reinforces how temporary this all is. He’s trying to convince one of you. Both of you, maybe, of his unimportance.

“I don’t think that little of you.”

He finds it hard to reply to that. It’s that feeling against. It makes him uncomfortable. It’s not empty platitudes or some vague sense of responsibility for his life. All of it is real, and all of it is meaningful in how plain it is. You make it seem easy.

“It’s life. It’s normal. People come, people go.”

You shake your head. “Not for me. I can’t forget you that easily.”

He wishes you would. He’s painfully, painfully relieved that you wouldn’t it. He voices neither thought.

“Then- try! You’re putting so much on yourself, and for what? You don’t stand to gain anything.”

You shrug. “Peace of mind. Knowing you’re still out there.”

It’s heavy. The implication is heavy. He’s not going to kill himself. He doesn’t want that anymore, though he thought about it. At the beginning. Loneliness is more painful when you have memories of what not being that way was like - he thinks. At the start of all that loss, the hollowness bared an almost painful gravity inside of him.

It’s like being told to breathe or blink - becoming conscious of what was once a natural function, how full life was once when it’s escaped. He doesn’t want to kill himself, but living is meaningless.

 These things aren’t paradoxical to him. They haven’t been for all this time.

(They weren’t until he met you at least. A mirror of wanting. Odxny looks at you and sees life reflected back. Despite it not being his, its moving. It’s beautiful in a human way, reachable. Tangible. Earned.

Wherever you are. Whenever you’re together, the black hole inside of himself seems to fade back into average planetary darkness. He becomes cruelly human again, feeling warmth and laughter.

He’s tells himself he’s not afraid of dying and that’s mostly true. He’s most afraid of living. Afraid he won’t be able to learn it again.)

 He manages to tell you some of what he’s thinking. He has no clue how to start over. He doesn’t know if it’s possible. You don’t feed him any false hope, but he tells you how he sees it. You’re feeling pity for him right? And you should figure that out sooner rather than later.

“Is it really that easy for you?”

You shake your head. You’re smiling but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “It isn’t. But I have to try.”

“Is that what you’re doing with me?”

“What?”

“Is this…?”

He cuts the call off when he hears himself, unsure of what answer he’s hoping for. The realization dawns on him too much, too quickly. The feeling of hope is loud in his chest but there is another feeling, embarrassing in it’s swiftness that follows shortly after.

Oh.

Oh.

__

The servers shuts down after a mildly sappy adventure to close up shop. The closest Odxny has gotten to flirting with you in his own way. He’s sad to see everyone go, despite there being no other choice.

It’s easier than he thought it’d be. To give you his number he means, even after shutting the entire server down. After leaving everything behind. He gives you the choice to make. Call me if you still want it - a silent promise.

 Maybe because deep down - some part of him always wanted to make this choice. Just maybe.

Your voice is different over the phone line. A little clearer, spoken softer. Just as lovely as it was the first time he heard it. Maybe more. Maybe.

The city beneath him is bright. So bright. It doesn’t hurt to look at, he thinks.

__

You call him every day.

You’ve been doing it for months.

He thought, at some point, you’d let up or start to forget. He’s been waiting on it to happen as horrible as it sounds. Like some self-fulfilling prophecy, he’d slip back into the background as is natural. A proof of his nonexistence, if you will.

You don’t forget though. He almost wonders if he’s dreaming when it happens. There’s a routine between you two, these days. You have your own life that you’ve been living the same as normal. When it’s night time for you, though - you hop onto your desktop and call Od like you’re two very average people.

There’s nothing solid to define your relationship aside from friendship as is. This is less frustrating than he expected it to be. Getting to know you better has only made him like you more. Your relationship is solid in a strange way. It’s been about six months total, and as corny as it sounds - Odxny feels like he’s known you for his entire life. You understand him in an intimate way, with vulnerable tenderness and radical acceptance.

He kind of misses the privacy of his old stomping grounds, but he doesn’t mind speaking though discord. It feels… normal. In a not displeasing way. You mostly talk to talk about whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it’s your job search, other times it’s  your part-time or friend drama. You’re vibrant as always. Without the wall of anonymity, Odxny gets to know of you like he’s just your average person. He finds he really, really likes that.

You play games together frequently. He’s never been interested in cozy gaming, but you play Minecraft and Stardew Valley together per your request. Odxny streams himself playing Ocarina of Time for you on Discord in the background sometimes too, and you keep it on when you’ve got work to do or you’re cooking or something else. There’s something very mundane to it.

You’re not doing anything with him today though. You’re calling him on facetime, rather than at your desktop. You’ve made the executive decision to laze around and Odxny has no problem joining you though you speak less than usual as a result of being sleepy. You had a long shift yesterday so perhaps Odxny can’t blame you.

“Need to get better shoes. For walking and stuff.” You say thoughtlessly. The corners of his lips twitch up.

“Yeah?”

You nod. Your face is smushed against your pillow at an unflattering angle. He smiles a little.

“Yeah. I’m on my feet for like nine hours when I serve and it hurts wearing flats. Need something sturdier even it diminishes my drip.”

He laughs at that. “Please never say that again.”

You continue onwards. “Decreases my aura, even. But alas, utility comes first.”

He snickers as he glances at you through the phone. You’re propped against one of his monitors as he does work on his computer. He’s getting back into programming for the love of the game, just seeing what he can do.

“Want help looking?”

“Feels a little ridiculous asking a super pro-hacker to shop Sketchers with me.”

“You seriously thinking of buying Sketchers?”

You laugh lightly. “Maybe I’ll get tipped more if I get the light-up ones.”

“Please don’t.”

“Hater.”

You break out into genuine laughter as Odxny shakes his head in despair. It’s something you’d do, no doubt. You sigh.

“I really do want a break from work.” You roll around on your mattress. Odxny can hear your rustling but can’t see you much. “The chains of capitalism shackle me in place. Woe is me.”

Odxny thinks on what you’ve said for a long while in silence. The question comes up every now and again though he’s never brave enough to ask it. His ludicrous amount of disposable income however is still sitting in his bank, collecting dust. It’s been six months and he’s hardly made a dent in it.

“Do you want to come visit?” He asks, cringing at the sound of his own voice. The words are strained and a little too eager. “I can pay the difference for expenses for wages and stuff. And, uh. Uhm,”

He loses his train of thought trying to speak, worsened by the way you pop onto his screen when he says that. Your expression is unreadable to him, comfortable and even. You smile a little as you lift the phone so he can see what you look like laying in your bed. Your face is in full view.

“It’d be a little weird to visit you before we start dating officially, no?”

His eyes go wide at the implication. You grin, mischief and mirth making your eyes practically beam. He can feel a blush crawl up his neck as soon as he registers it.

“Excuse me? Why are you saying that like it’s already been decided?” He bites back, not sure what else he could say.

“So you don’t want to date me?”

“I didn’t- you - damn it,” He groans at his own bluster as he giggles on the other side of the line. So cheeky. Damn him for liking it and damn you for being cute. “…You are saying you like me right?”

Your face softens. He can feel his heartbeat quicken. “Uh-huh. Just wanted to take it slow. But I’ve liked you for a long time.”

“How long is that, exactly?”

You shrug playfully and the fact he can’t be within reach to kiss you feels especially harrowing. “A secret.” You smile again, all trouble. “So. Wanna date?”

“Terrible confession. Zero stars,” He says petulantly. He leans back in his chair and finds himself smiling uncontrollably. “Fine. I guess.”

Your laugh fills his room. He doesn’t get tired of hearing it. His face hurts from smiling.

__

He manages to stave off on the anxiety of you coming to see him for a lot longer than he thought possible.

Making arrangements proves to be a little difficult. You have to tell your roommates that you’ll be gone for a while but promise to still pay rent and explain to your boss where you’re going. You have a good enough relationship and have been working long enough for them to agree to keep a spot open so you can start working when you come back.

After that, there’s the matter of Visas. Odxny goes out of his way to make that process go much faster than normal, though he doesn’t actually tell you. Once all of that’s sorted, there’s living arrangements. Try as you might to insist to live somewhere else, his place is too spacious for him to let you stay anywhere else. You can take the guest room.

He pretends that all of this is just happening in his imagination. He doesn’t even know the last time anyone came over, let alone lived with him. He does his best to make things presentable, and makes a guest room for you to live in should you desire. He even buys more decor (plants and things) to make it look… less like a cave and more like a home.

Nothing really feels real until the day arrives though. It’s a long flight and difficult trip. You refused to let him pay for the tickets so he moved it around to get you into first class both ways through other methods.

You text him the terminal, the arrival time, any and all delays. Still. None of it feels real until he’s already waiting for you near the bags. He can feel his heart race, his lungs short of air. He’s never experienced something so ridiculously contradictory in his entire life. He wants to run away while feeling stuck in place.

The anticipation nearly kills him.

He would recognize your voice anywhere though. Like he did for so many days alone in the dark. A hand waves high, shouting as loud as it can.

“It’s you!”

The sound of sneakers skidding across tile floors make his breath hitch. His eyes go wide as you stand still in front of him, luggage in hand and a million-watt smile on your face. He feels his heart beat so loud, he wonders if he’s going to throw up.

“Hey.” He says, dumbly.

“Hi!”

__

The adjustment period to living together isn’t what he expects.

It’s been a long time since he’s been so close to another human being. It becomes clear that you’re really living together though when your things end up in the bathroom completely incidentally. There’s something about finding your sleep shirt on a towel rack that makes reality settle in. You’re living together.

He’d be stupid not to notice the purposeful distance between you. An attempt to be thoughtful and not overwhelm him. It’s never awkward when you’re together. You eat together, watch movies and play games while sitting too close on the couch. You’ve been on a date in the two weeks you’ve spent, and it barely took any convincing on your end to make him go along with you.

Isolation aside though, Odxny is not clueless to the conventions of modern dating. You avoid touching him too casually. He doesn’t blame you, but he can’t help but crave your presence with a little more bittersweet longing as the days pass. He has to get past it or bring it up eventually, but it feels like something he’s never going to get over somehow.

The opportunity to do so gets thrown at him all at once. You’ve been living together for sixteen days. A conversation about love languages is what undoes it.

“Whats your love language, Od?”

He gives you a quizzical look. “Dunno actually. Never bothered to look.”

“I’d guess… hm. Quality time maybe? Or words of affirmation.”

He shrugs as he sits next to you on the couch, glancing at your phone as you read through the different ones. “What’s yours?”

“Physical touch. I’m super touchy. With anyone who will let me, honestly. Bad habits.”

Odxny gives you a long look as you say it. He debates if he should bring it up.

“You don’t have to be so careful around me, you know?”

You look up at him, startled by the comment. Several things pass over your face before you settle on an apologetic smile. “Sorry. It’s not like I don’t want to. I just don’t want to be too much for you.”

“That wouldn’t happen.” He says automatically. You laugh good-naturedly.

“Your confidence is assuring, but you underestimate how touchy I am. I’m afraid of I get my hands on you, I’ll never let go again,”

He thinks he wants that more than is normal. He shakes his head. “I don’t mind.”

You give him a long look, seeming struck by an idea, before humming and standing up. You turn around with your hand out towards him. His brows furrow in bewilderment.

“Have some faith.”

He takes your hand and stands up with you. He likes that he’s taller than you. Staring at you, he feels your fingers clasp around his hand and his heart thuds - loud and messy.

“Your room or mine?”

“What?”

You laugh. “Get your mind out of the gutter. Or don’t actually, but I don’t bear lewd intentions.”

He crinkles his nose at the word usage and laughs. “Shut up.”

“Just trust me, okay?”

He concedes with embarassing swiftness.

“Okay.”

__

You lead Odxny to the guest room you’ve been living in for the last two weeks. The bed is well-made and all the new furniture he bought is occupying so many of your belongings. It makes him dizzy. You shut the door behind him as you lead him in. It just feels especially surreal.

Wordless, you let go of his hand and hop up onto your bed. Once you’re laying down, you prop up on your side with your elbow and pat the empty space next to you, smiling at him as you do. Once it clicks what your asking, he can feel his face grow hot. He can’t refuse it though, and he doesn’t want too.

The sheets you bought together smell like you. Between there’s practically no distance between you at this angle. He’s gotten to look at you plenty through these few days but it’s different. You scoot impossibly close to him until there’s nothing separating you.

Your breath is warm - a soft exhale leaving your lips as you inch closer.

“What’re we doing?” He asks in a murmur, stone stiff. You smile, coyly.

“Touching each other.”

He frowns at the joke. Your expression goes a touch serious right after. The sincerity is debilitating. “Can I touch you?”

He nods. Can’t do much more than that.

He stares at you with impending, long-suffering longing as you bring a single hand to his face and cradle his neck. He flinches unintentionally, but pulls your hand back when you try to move it. He wants this. You relax a little when he does that.

Your hands are softer. Softer than a heartbeat. He can feel the various cuts and scars from years of working against his skin but they’re still so soft. He can feel how warm you in such a brief touch his chest aches. Your hands cradle his face tenderly, thumb brushing across his lip with a smile brighter than thousands of lights. Something in your expression wreaks havoc on his heart. Something so raw and so gentle and so full within it - all directed towards him.

It’s been so long. So long. He’s never wanted something so bad  he couldn’t remember needing. He’s never wanted to be closer to someone than he does to you in the moment.

“You’re handsome,” You say, so sweetly. Not a confession, but gentle appraisal. It’s rare he cries but he wants too. “I like looking at you. Can I kiss you?”

“Please.” He rasps, gravel in his voice unfamiliar.

You hum a little. Closing the space between you with a press of lips. It’s not chaste. Odxny is grateful for how long and how deep you linger. He wants it so badly. He wants you in some damning and unforgiving way. How could a human being feel so warm? Feel so pleasant with so little?

You press your foreheads together. His hand trembles when they grip onto your waist but you encourage him just a little. It’s just a kiss. His heart might beat out of him. It’s just a kiss. He thinks he loves you.

Your hand moves away from his face. You let it go underneath his loose shirt to touch his shoulder, running your palm down the plane of his chest. You squeeze his waist, and wrap your arms around his back and pull him to you until your bodies touch somewhere in the middle.

You guide his face to your neck and chest as you hold him. He grips onto you tight in response, a gasp in the back of his lungs at the sudden sensation. You coo above him, soft and light - your fingers threading through his hair and nails massaging his scalp.

Your voice sounds above him, despite how deep in a haze he is. He can’t do anything but cling to you with impossible longing. You speak softly as you pet him. Your heartbeat soothes his.

“I’m glad you’re here.” You tell him. There’s that familiar clarity that makes him want to cry. “I’m glad you let me come with you.”

He can’t think of anything to say back. It’s a soul-shattering emotion. “I love you.”

You laugh wetly above him. “I love you, too. So much.” And then much softer. “Let’s be together for a long time.”

__

You lay in each others arms until sunset. In small talk and silent murmurs. It takes him hours to work up the courage to kiss you again - but only minutes to take it further.

It’s desperate. Terribly. Inevitable. You’re beautiful in a way that is undescribable, best expressed through his teeth on your neck and his hands all over where he can reach - each grip and thrust and bite a reminder. You’re pretty when you’re pleased, warmth reaching up inside of him whenever you make the right face.

He buries himself in you. You’re soft and warm and beautiful and he wants to stay with you. Time is a thief. He damns the sun when it tears you from him come morning.

__

He decides to make breakfast when you wake up. Nothing complicated. You go to shower after him and he plates up toast and eggs and other various things. It’s half done when you come downstairs.

Your skin is still damp, and you smell of vanilla and soap. Your coffee sits in a cup on the table as you pad over to him. He turns to look at you as you reach your hand up and cup his face. You pepper a kisses along his cheeks stopping at his lips for the last one before you’re satisfied.

He fails in his attempt not to blush.

“Morning.” You grin. He tries not to be sick at the domesticity of it all and fails.

“Yeah. Morning.”

You sit at the counter and drink your coffee, glancing outside the window. “It’s bright outside.”

Odxny can’t tear his eyes off of you. “Yeah...” He agrees. He’s not torn his gaze away. “Very bright.”

✮ a/n ; i want all real life compsci men to kick rocks but odxny sweeped me off my feet in a way i can only describe as humiliating. he is a bit like astarion for me in that i see a lot of myself in him at least in the past. he is also incredibly babygirl and uhm . other things (fine. he's very gorjus.) but i truthfully was most compelled by his idealized idea of isolation. as the fic will show it resonated with me as a fellow compsci dork who also tends to isolate like crazy LOL

this fic was like a demon that possessed me. literally no meds, no caffiene - just balls to the wall demonic possesion of needing something out of my system LMAOO. and adhd of course. im working on all the other stuff too i promise. consider this a short interlude 👍🏾

[keferon]

Why’d monster hunter brainstorm timetravel to the specific era the story takes place?

Will the others ever see his alt mode?

The reason is the same as in canon - he wanted to save Quark.

Okay, I'll try and keep this short and sweet.

Brainstorm lives in the far future and is happy with Quark, until one day it turns out that Quark has a fatal spark disease that will kill him if nothing is done about it. They of course go to the hospital, but it turns out that only certain types of the disease are treatable and modern science still can't do anything about it.

Long story short, no one knows how to cure Quark's spark.

Brainstorm, as a true scientist and a good conjunx, naturally begins to research the subject himself and stumbles upon some strange information. All the sources, studies and records on the study of this disease go back a long fucking way. All that modern scientists have been doing for the last million years is just improving and refining the method of treatment, which was invented in absolute antiquity.

Brainstorm investigates further.

He discovers, all the original research records belonged to a mech named Perseptor, who amongst many other things was studying sparks. And it's when Brainstorm manages to get his hands on copies of these very original records that he finally realises why no one has been able to take this research any further. The records are very well structured, detailed and accurate, but half of the information is taken out of nowhere. The Perseptor specifies the types of sparks that certain substances affect in certain ways, but nowhere does he mention where he got this information from. He might, for example, write that certain types of sparks tend to develop internal micro-cracks when exposed to certain factors for long periods of time. And Brainstorm, having read that, can only stare blankly into space, because yes, micro-cracks in sparks is something that exists. But even in his time, there's no equipment that can detect them if they're INSIDE. So how the hell did an ancient mech with his primitive tools figure all this out???

His curiosity isn't satisfied. The research just cuts off in the middle, as if the mech that did it just abandoned it or died suddenly.

Brainstorm, like many scientists before him, tries to start his own research based on the information pointed out by Perseptor, but finds himself at the same dead end as all the medicine of his time. He just doesn't have the same mysterious way of collecting data that this...Perseptor had.

And Quark isn't getting any better

Eventually, Brainstorm comes up with a brilliant idea. What if, instead of trying to find a cure, he just (ha! Just.) went back in time and saved the dude who was definitely going to invent the cure but didn't have time? He decides it's genius and creates a time machine.

He goes back in time to find Perseptor and well, he gets a surprise. Turns out the dude who researched spark disease was a spark eater. And also on the verge of starvation, but Brainstorm finds a way to help him, it's all good:) It turns out that all this time, Perseptor didn't have any mysterious equipment to analyse the sparks, he was the equipment himself. In fact, he didn't specify the sources of his findings for the research, because the phrase ‘I figured it out because it tasted different’ sounds incredibly compromising and would have signed Percy's death warrant if his notes had fallen into the wrong hands.

Next, I'm not sure how it would have developed. I think as the story progresses, Perseptor and Brainstorm work together to invent a cure for Quark. And then, if you like to cry, Brainstorm goes back to the future and cures him, and Perseptor stays in the past.

If you want adventure, Brainstorm could take Percy back to the future with him. Quark would be really fucking scared and confused at first, but they'd figure it out quickly and conjunx Percy into their futuristic fluffy pairing. (Also, I have a lot of fun thinking about Brainstorm and Quark showing Percy the advances of future science, and the future world in general.

Also, I think Brainstorm would do a good job of hiding his alt mode while he was in the past, but a couple of times would use it to escape from someone. One time he'd also give Percy a ride, and I know Percy would be incredibly freaked out by the breakneck speed that jets can achieve ahahaha

——

That…wasn’t as short as I wanted…..my inner fic writer took control

[witchofthesouls]

We need more cultural/species clash, especially in the "humans into Cybertronians" scene.

The giant robots don't have hormones like humans, so anyone who's afab or going through hormone therapy will be like, "Hey, no more pms-ing symptoms, endocrine dysfunctions, or related conditions? Neat!"

The thing is, the Autobots and Decepticons went through a massive, catastrophic war that they're still reeling from the widespread health impacts, but any random human-into-a-Cybertronian-via-magic-tech-bullshit... didn't. They're healthy. They didn't enter a starvation mode or constantly function at the dregs for countless millennia.

Imagine that human-into-Cybertronian going into a heat because of that. Even the non-Seekekin or beastformers because the conversion is trying to make heads-and-tails with old human body and new Cybertronian frame. So reproductive heat it is.

I know heats are generally seen as "Help me uwu," but we're sleeping on aggressively raging cat/FIGHT ME COWARDS

Imagine that slow, creeping irritability and frustration. That deep yearning for things you can't have anymore, even when it's dangled in front of you. A strange, persistent "itch" all over the body. (They have already been cleared of a potential rust infection by the medbay. Multiple times. And their diagnostics are running as a mocking clear.) Temperature every so slowly increasing until they have to occasionally step away to just steam out like a self-made sauna. And enough frustration/anger to power a few cities.

Imagine the relatively mild-mannered or relaxed civvie, just suddenly breaks the basketball pole -as in the one that was built for giant aliens- to use it as impromptu swatter and yeets it into an incoming raid or does it to clear space between them and everyone else.

The resident Seekerkin: Alright, I see where this is going...

Everyone else: What the flying fu-

[blood-grove]

tws; blood, death, body horror , injuries, gore + bones, canniblism, unhealthy coping mechanisms??, no use of y/n, soap focused, this is like so much more horror ish that the first i think pls be safe

a/n: another thing for shapeshifter reader but child :3 had this scenario in my head this is completely different sort of scenario than from the first shapeshifter

Shapeshifter!Reader but everything that went down that first night went even worse two corpses lay on the floor you didn't mean for it to happen it was the Monster to young to comprehend what you'd fully just done wiping the blood off you as you clawed at your mouth trying to get rid the disgusting taste of iron in your mouth.

But it's been a year since then, A year since you've taste the flesh of another person, A year since you sunk your yellowed teeth into someone's face ripping apart any semblance of identity, And a year since you've been in containment you were found quiet easily after the Police were called to your home that faithful night you were sent a rehabilitation facility then to another one and another.

Switched from place to place because they could tell something was wrong with you but finding out what was hard since every test came back human you had no pointed ears, fangs, or tail.

Another year past and the facility had long shut down a month or two now but you still lived stuck in this room Shapeshifters can be killed of course at a age of what 10? 11? You didn't have many forms and you were still so confused to how your powers exactly worked you never shifted at all despite the itch that had been boiling over.

You had roommates of course in the room to keep yourself social.

They were also stuck when the facility went into lockdown mode abandoning its lower value patients.

You were the only one left in the room now.

The room smelt horrible.

You were horrible.

You didn't want to be.

Licking the flesh from there bones kept off starvation.

The illusion of there still breathing body as you ate at them chewing and crunching till there flesh was no more alone but apart of you.

They had kept you alive when there heart was still beating you couldn't remember what they were.

You forced yourself to forget the taste of your flesh fearing you'd dig in for more.

But you did.

Your a parasite.

"Someone's going to get us.."

"I'm sure."

You shifted as you caressed there skull gently idly picking at the last few remaining strands of hair.

You woke to noises the next day everything still all the same the opening of doors and footsteps a new sense of hope running threw you.

A tail unknowingly sprouted out wagging quickly as you clutched the skull tightly as you got us on shaky legs stepping over rotted pieces of the body you couldn't eat and over to the door stepping up on the tip of your toes to try and see out of the window in the door.

Flinching back one a large shadow over casted the door blocking your view.

Your tail wagging in excitement as you walked back from the door to the spot in the middle of the room you'd become accustom too silently wondering if you should move there bones into there spot next to you but the doors code was unlocked before you could.

A man now stared down at you seemingly shocked at either your appearance, the fact your alive, and or the skull in your hands.

Or all of the above.

Fucking hell.

Fucking hell.

This retcon mission was not at all what he expected.

Sure he expected the usually gathering intel, looking for not trashed files or papers, And or looking for new leads.

It always gave Soap the creeps when they went on missions like these in only a couple of months this facility looked like a shit hole.

Cracked tile, Bugs, old rusting equipment.

The mere thought of people being kept here before the places decay still disgusted him.

So it caught him off guard when he picked up scent unfamiliar but he chose to trust his nose radioing in he'd be moving to the east side.

He reached the holding cells even with the locked doors along the hallway he could smell the decay nearly overwhelming his senses.

With one of the keycards he opened a few of the doors at the rare chance of life.

He was foolish to think this of course, How could anything still be alive after been trapped for months.

Yet here he is staring down a very scraggly, dirty, bloodied kid.

Holding a skull.

A Skull?

He quickly pulled himself out of his thoughts as he shifting in place sliding his weapon back into his holster crouching down.

"Hey there—"

He fully expected you to be timid, nervous, and or scared about the random man unlocking your room that was eventually going to be your grave.

He didn't expected for you to barrel into him skull still in hand hugging his arm.

Now he was downright confused.

"It's uh..It's okay- Hey.."

"I-I know they didn't forget us!-"

You started on rambling about something Soap couldn't comprehend fast enough.

"Hey hey-"

You looked up at him with tired eyes still full of life.

"..I'm gonna get you outta here alright..? Me and my friends didn't expect to find anyone..Are you hurt?"

He gave you a look over lucky he had decent enough vision in the dark no serious wounds maybe just a few cuts that had luckily scabbed over already.

"Are you taking me home..?"

"..I don't know yet..But we'll get you warm and nice and clean how about that..?"

"I don't like baths.."

"Well ya' need one- Its gonna help you feel better.."

You huffed stomping your foot which amused him but you really did need a bath he could barely make out your skin color under all the grime, blood , and dirt.

"Mm..Can ye' walk?"

You nodded as you went back into the room for a moment starting to picking up bones off a corpse he failed to noticed was there.

"Wait wait- Don't touch those."

"Why?"

"Because you'll get sick touching..stuff like that."

"But how else are they supposed to come!"

He grimaced for a bit shifting on his feet as his tail flicked.

"I..Look that was your friend yeah?"

"Mhm!"

"How about..You leave them there..And I'll send some more of my friends to come get them.."

You mulled over the choice for a while looking down to the skull in your hands tracing over a crack before deciding to leave rest of the body tucking it in like a doll before heading back over to the man still holding onto the skull how else re they supposed to see the outside?.

"Whats your name?"

"John..But my friends call me Soap."

"That's a silly name!"

"Hmph..Alright what's your name?"

"[Name]"

"Now that's a silly name-"

"Nuh uh!"

He chuckled as you huffed.

But he quickly regained his composure, He radioed in his little discovery afterwards gently ask you if he could pick you up which you allowed you were scarily light for your age.

He sighed his tail slowly swaying quietly listening as you rambled on about something.

You eventually went still after a few telling yawns, He guessed you must be horrible sleep deprived being next to a corpse couldn't have gave you good rest.

So he just kept quiet as he could still saying vigilant as he updated his position every so often as you slept.

a/n; honestly im feeling so bad at so sorry it started to downgrade at the end i couldn't think clear it starts to fall off so bad cuz head empty </3 might post some old thoughts abt how my ver of shapeshifters work....

[lainekyuu]

~Lost~ Optimus Prime x (platonic) human child reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Summary: Reader was un aware of her mother abandoned her and decided to take a walk around the city but eventually got lost. Reader then stumble upon a Truck who is patrolling the area not knowing its a robot.

Warning: Child being abandoned

Part 2 ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Optimus have been thinking for the past few minutes if he could take the child or not, but knowing that she was abandoned and people these days have no care for a little girl who has been abandoned. He finally Decided to take her in, maybe Cade could have her as another daughter seeing Tessa was now in College. Optimus transform in to his Alt form.

"y/n get on, we will have a long ride to go" Optimus said with a gentle voice. "Okay.." reader didn't answer him with her usually high pitch voice as she was getting tired, She then climb the stand carefully so she wouldn't fall. After a few minutes of struggling to climb the stand she finally sits on the driver's seat, and as for her bunny bag she didn't put it in the other seat but cuddle with it her best friend. Optimus had close the door of the truck and said.

"y/n if you're tired go on sleep I'll have someone to carry you when we arrive." Optimus said but not knowing reader already fall asleep the time she cuddle her bunny bag. Optimus just sigh and finally drove back to the base where his fellow comrades are staying.

Optimus could have just leave the child alone but seeing a child on the street alone in a cold weather, she could have died of starvation or worse... Not to mention the child was too young to be alone maybe about 5 to 6 he was lucky the child was not very loud or annoying but still irritates him on why he brought her. Optimus was not interested on getting a Sparkmate let alone raising a child who is a human, that's non of his concern now as he will ask cade to take care of her simple as that because she was human and he probably miss his own daughter.

When Optimus arrived, everyone was already asleep except for cade who is above the roof again waiting for the radio signal to contact his daughter. Optimus drove near cade and carefully speak to not wake up the child sleeping inside his Alt mode.

"Cade...I have a request for you.." Optimus said and cade raise a brow to let Optimus know to continue his talk. "I found this child alone on the streets..she was abandoned by her mother...is it okay for you to raise her cade?" Optimus said Cade was shock a little that Optimus have brought a child with him but never questions him as he knows better than to do it. Cade still haven't answered Optimus but went down to take a look at her, she was in an uncomfortable position but still cuddling her bunny bag. Cade sigh and carefully carry the child out of the truck careful not to fall while doing it, once he succeeded on getting down without harming or waking the child he cradle her a little.

"well we should rest first prime.." cade is now feeling tired after seeing the child he doesn't know why. Optimus just agreed and drive off in his cabin.

<in the morning>

Reader woke up by the sun light through the small window, she also realize that she was laying on a bed that she didn't remember sleeping on until she look to her side seeing a man with long hair. Since she didn't know the man she carefully take her bunny bag and wore it on her back and carefully tip toe her way to the door. She successfully went out without waking the man on the room, when she went out she found a big green robot (Crosshair).

"WOW! another robot!" reader shouts at a big robot in front of her with a big smile. Crosshair turn around from the unknown voice only to see a child with a wide smile, he couldn't believe on what he was seeing. "what the- why is there child here".

[visibleclosedeyes]

hello hello vce. Do you have any khaenri'ah society/ every day life/ culture headcanons I can cry over.

This might not be tear jerking im sorry TT but this is the headcanon i can think of rn—there will be more in the future ( warning this is long)

Khaenri’ah everyday life headcanon go!

1. In Khaenri’ah society, poly relationships is more common overall (polyamory not polygamy i mean). It may not be super widespread but its more common that mostly because people die often in the abyss—missing person happened every day so to

2. Since Khaenri’ahn live mostly underground, most of their food are hard to come by therefore the majority if their food is actually fermented in some form

3. There are some Khaenri’ah who live on the surface before the cataclysm—they like to hide their eyes to avoid people questioning them

4. Khaenri’ah used fields tiller as an actual tool for carrying heavy objects as well. Actually before things got tensed—most fields tillers are actually tilling the fields.

5. Khaenri’ah toys for children are scary

6. People disappear into the night very often and never return—mostly because they fell into the abyss hole and die there.

7. Because the abyss have less lights than above ground, when they go to the surface for the first time they can have panic attacks from too much light.

8. Some Khaenri’ah went blind when they live on the surface.

9. Starvation can still happen from time to time in Khaenri’ah—so almost very one is somewhat in survival mode

[skincareroutine]

i have to go get chipotle today cus i started a calorie deficit like 3 weeks ago. n i put the wrong numbers to track the calories im meant to be eating everyday so ive been eating WAY lower than what im supposed to be. so i double checked the numbers today w a bmr calc n im supposed to be eating like basically an additional meal everyday. which i havent been doing um lost my period body went into starvation mode brainfog etc. uhhhh fucking idiot calorie deficit on my part. so im gonna get chipotle n re think what the meaning of this whole thing was

[aibouart]

can. can i request a red infodump perhaps? :3c ive seen them around a bit before but i have uh no idea what their lore/story is at all and im v curious!!!

WWWWWWWYAYYAYAYAYAYAYA !!!

i'm gonna gon on abt his species first cuz ........

i half jokingly refer to red as a "walking content warning" cuz he has a SUPER BAD home life. i made him to cope over 10 years ago, now, so he has a looong history of being used to get through my childhood and as such, his backstory is insane.

all you'd need to really know abt his backstory is like...

His father is a super shit person, his mother is basically missing but she was also not good in her own weird way, he has a sister he rarely speaks to because he's stuck at home and doesn't know how to leave, and he has a brother (red is the youngest) who is stuck in a baby's body and is usually being cared for by his sister (lore below explains why he's like that).

red lives primarily alone as his father is usually not home anymore, and he hates being a vampire or hurting people, and gets suuuper awkward around any pop culture vampire talk which is think is funny.

so red's vampiric species is very simple compared to human made vampiric lore and a lot of things are considered misconceptions, or things that could be attributed to *other* vampiric species that were blanketly attached to the concept of "vampire" by humans who are largely uneducated on them (and tbf most vampiric species aren't super knowledgeable abt each other either in my verse).

their primary biological traits aaare:

they are cold like normal vampire lore, and have fangs (retractable but doesn't need to be extended usually), and will often have very light coloured eyes. they can easily die due to illnesses that normally don't kill humans because of their lower body temp, to blood loss, and can only really be called immortal due to not dying of old age.

they also have a "starvation mode" where if they've been without food for too long, will become animalistic in nature and hunt humans. Red's hair turns near-black and his eyes become red when he is in this mode. they gain incredible strength and even heat vision to hunt down humans so they don't perish. after eating a meal (usually they do it with little care for the person's well-being while like this) they will revert back to their normal selves and have little memory of what happened during this state. although the state itself can store basic memories to help hunt later (such as if certain places are dangerous last time they went there, or if they got attacked for one reason or another). this separation of memories isn't meant to be an allegory for systems btw so i hope no one is thinking that i'm doing that!! ;__;;b!

these vampires start off looking and eating like normal humans, but eventually something within them hits a timer and they turn vampiric naturally (they can convert humans if humans drink their blood though). the process can be seen coming as their appetite lowers and they become a bit sluggish and lower body temp before the process kicks in full swing and they painfully turn to a vampire. after that, their body stops aging.

this specific species of vampires are meant to co-exist with humans and live along side them. humans provide a source of food, and the vampires can help provide protection and even mingle well socially. the vampire species can breed with humans and human-vampire babies on average will usually turn vampiric later in adulthood, but vampire-vampire children (especially vampires with little human lineage) tend to turn too quickly.

his vampiric species was doing well within small human communities and living how they're supposed to, before humans from far away locations came, saw the vampires and how they fed off of humans, and drove them away. plenty of vampires lost their lives to this invasion, and the other humans were too easily switched over to an aggressive mob mentality towards them, so they were forced to live isolated and prey on humans in the dark. it's def possible not all of them turned against vampires, but it was too dangerous for them to stay.

Red was born around the time this happened (he's abt 2000 yo usually)........

during the time humans and vampires slowly started to be reintroduced to each other, vampiric based pop culture started to become popular in human societies so the vampires weren't too keen on the whole, slay vampires thing media was doing a lot of. because of the focus on vampires as a pop culture thing, humans started applying a lot of concepts to them on a broad scale (unable to be in the sun, garlic allergy, etc). red typically only went into human cities or villages out of curiosity, but was terrified of saying anything to them in case he was found out (esp seeing as the whole.. kill vampire thing was a popular thing in media.......)

a lot of these ideas were applied due to sightings or findings of vampiric persons by humans, but were individualistic traits that were then applied to all vampires (my fav is like, the garlic thing straight up just being one guy's allergy). (the bat turning thing is not possible for red's species of vampires, but it is possible for a fey vampire combo species that dwell in the forest. they are shapeshifters that shift between an animal/furry form and a human form).

red's species, originally being a pretty small group in a small area, has a long history of vampires taking leadership positions and even being strict about their culture and stances on interaction between them and humans (especially after the drive to exterminate them, they developed a lot of strict rules to protect their kind and youth). red's father is part of these leaders, and red was supposed to be the heir as he's the only one who turned late enough to be an actual adult, but because of his pacifist nature and generally meek demeanour he was already on his father's bad side growing up.

the day of his turning was to be held with the other leader dudes, but when provided a person to have as his first meal, he refused to hurt them and was quickly labelled a disgrace and no longer allowed to be the heir.

red's father, and plenty of the other old guys appointed leader of the species, typically regard humans as nothing more than food things and to not be considered with compassion and especially not to be mingled with. red has made a number of human friends over the centuries but learned pretty fast to make sure his dad never. ever. finds out he has them.

despite the seemingly strict ruling on their vampiric society, a lot of young vampires (and especially those from turned humans) have a large disconnect from them and usually just know they exist and have these rules, but it's not like they can do anything about their spread out community doing what they want.

my favourite part of the modern age for them is that they have a vampiric social media and the only way to be able to sign up is to be vetted by a confirmed vampire of their species. they have their own memes and whatnot, and my fav one is "the vlad". the lovingly chosen name for the human stereotype of a vampire. a lot of them use it mockingly, but there's a tonne of them who also genuinely love the vlad and make groups for being fans of it. count chocula gets posted every halloween, ofc.

red isn't super active on vampiric facebook but he is signed up. he's not good at the whole technology thing in general, but he is aware of the vlad and will often mutter "a vlad..." when he sees one, mystified.

one time a guy who was signed up was found out not to be an actual vampire and it sent the community into a frenzy cuz how tf did they get on the site when it's so strict. it instantly became a classic meme for them, the one time a vampire kinnie joined somehow (obviously im not mocking kins, i am also a kinnie). they only found out cuz the guy actually confessed and was quickly banned. no one knows who vetted them, either.

i think im done w this dump for noooow even tho im sure it's not everything just cuz my net went down like 3 times while typing this GOD

if u wanna know more abt red himself tho i could rant abt his friends and their polycule tho hee hee hoo hoo

[iniheritt]

JoJos playing minecraft headcanons (I hope you enjoy it!!)

Jonathan- tried playing with a keyboard but his fingers are too big so he uses a controller. Refuses to kill the iron golems in villages and loves trading with villagers, even though he wishes they had dialogue. Killed a pig because he was on the verge of starvation and then decided to stock up on bread and potatoes right after because he felt so bad. Cannot figure out redstone for the life of him; can only work a lever and button. He prefers sleeping through the night because he doesn't want to deal with the zombies but can somehow deal with the skeletons and creepers. Jonathan likes to play on easy mode to explore and find pottery sherds to make at least a few pots to decorate his house. Has yet to get into the nether or enter the end. Has not started a raid and does not plan on ever doing so. 

Joseph- plays with the keyboard and has almost broken it multiple times due to how hard he accidentally presses on the keys. Can only do simple redstone and even then, he somehow messes it up to the point it works out in the end (he doesn’t know how he did it but pretends he knew what he was doing like always) Likes trading with the villagers and has made a mini villager trading hall so he doesn’t have to run to catch any villagers or worry about them dying in a raid. Yes, he had died a few times because he was not prepared for them. Would like to try mods but he can’t figure out how to install them properly. Once he went into a server and figured out how to get a multiple diamond glitch but got banned once the other players found out how he had so many diamonds without ever being in a cave. He’s still mad about it. Once died in a wooden mansion and got so mad he didn’t place down a bed in it to save his progress, he quit and almost deleted the game.

Jotaro- didn’t care about the game and only knew the basics until he heard about the aquatic update. Looked up everything that would be included in the update and tried to play it on the keyboard so he could figure out how the game works. Prefers the controller over the keyboard. Knows how to do some redstone but barely makes anything using it. He had accidentally made a fishing pole while crafting; immediately went to find the nearest ocean or river to use it. Gets disappointed when the fish he pulls out are dead and looks up how to keep them alive. Uses the last few iron ingots he had to make a bucket and capture a fish. Makes a temporary pond until he makes a huge aquarium that connects to the ocean so the fish are all free to swim along with the other sea creatures. Has named at least one of each sea creature with the name tags. Once played for almost 6 hours straight due to being super focused on building something and didn’t realize it until he looked over at the clock. 

Josuke- uses the controller instead of the keyboard. Only plays on multiplayer or different servers but has a few testing worlds so he won’t mess up as much (like his father, he does mess up quite a lot, even after perfecting whatever he’s working on in his testing worlds, but it always works out in the end) he loathes the skeletons to the point where he was searching for a mod on reddit and other sites at 2am to get rid of the skeletons in the game. Knows alot about redstone and has many redstone builds in his testing worlds. Has killed almost every turtle he sees in the game by pure accident and feels guilty everytime, even with his fear of them. He is the player to go afk and have dinner while he leaves one of his farms to fill up his chests. He almost died to a skeleton doing this but managed to save himself; that was the night he went hunting for a mod to get rid of the skeletons. Has named his pet cat and dog after his best friends; has also named every spider after another person (I’m sure we all know who we’re talking about) He has a custom skin and surprisingly, people like his skin. Starts raids so he can get totems, but has not realized he can turn it into a farm to make it easier; no one has told him yet.

Giorno- likes using a controller but can play on the keyboard as well. Made a huge animal farm for every animal he could get. Loves using the bonemeal to gather more flowers and make it look nice around his house. Can do some complex redstone but likes keeping it simple. He owns a server and had banned a player for using a multi diamond glitch; he probably would have allowed them to keep using it in private as long as he got a few out of it, but he and a few others had caught him using it when they went to surprise him with a bunch of food when they heard they didn’t have much food. Died a few times because he forgets he’s not in creative mode. Makes a ton of cookies and shares them with everyone once a week because he always makes too much. Has no weapon preference. Can never find a village without someone’s help. 

Jolyne- started playing once she found out about the nether and the end. Prefers the end because it’s easy for her to kill the ender dragon. Loves getting gold for her golden apples since she has amazing luck when it comes to finding resources. Once made a nether portal before getting iron armor and hasn’t been able to do it since. Really good at using the bow. Loves playing multiplayer with her friends and being stupid late at night until early morning. Watches playthroughs of the game during dinner at home (she’s so me haha) and uses any tips from said playthrough into her own worlds. The one to go to if it involves the ocean monuments; she has a strategy that she uses almost every time she needs to enter one. Really good at complex redstone and uses it for her hidden base in a server she has with her friends. Loves making the cookies and cakes since she always liked how they look; sometimes has to go grab a snack to feel immersed within the game.

[baguettes-and-biscuits]

who is:

your intellectual fav character of all time? the one who has great growth and means and motives?

your emotional fav character of all time? the one who gives you all the feels for no reason?

and your middle fav character of all time? the one who is an interesting character but still gives you a lot of emotions?

intellectual: this one stumped me for a few minutes because my brain isn't braining today but i think i'll go with sophie foster. she starts out as this young girl who knows nothing about her world and herself and as of what we currently have, sophie's grown into a strong person who's far less a pushover and more a force to be reckoned with who knows who she is and what she wants to do, following the fate that was written for her but also paving her own path.

emotional: alberto scorfano. is there a reason for him to give me all the feels that he does? yes. is the amount of feels i get absolutely unnecessary? fuck yes. (sorry i wrote middle before this one and you can clearly tell my brain got tired)

middle: RYLAND GRACE OH MY GODS. i love how he, in the beginning, knows nothing about why he was in a coma in outer space but, once he regains more memories, goes on, saving the world. and even though, closer to the end, he remembers that he was pretty much forced to go on the hail mary, he goes on and saves the world because he doesn't just have humanity to save, his students – his kids – to save, but he has a friend, an alien society, to save.

speaking of his students, i get hit with the biggest wave of emotions when ryland calls them his kids. he cares about them so much, and it's so genuine and kind and – as i write this i'm tearing up thinking about it help me – ryland is just the best person to be a teacher. he cares so much that he goes back to the project he was forced to, at first, just because he couldn't bear the thought of his kids suffering in such a way that they would. on page 68 (good gods is this an essay now), it says, "Thirty years. I looked out at their little faces. In thirty years they'd all be in their early forties. They would bear the brunt of it all. And it wouldn't be easy. These kids were going to grow up in an idyllic world and be thrown into an apocalyptic nightmare. ... I was looking into a room full of children. Happy children. And there was a good chance some of them would literally die of starvation," (Weir) (wow i really went essay mode). this guy- i just- *emotions intensify*

and of course, you can't talk about ryland without talking about his dog sized-alien-rock-bestie rocky. ryland grace made first contact with a sentient alien. ryland grace befriended said sentient alien. ryland grace worked with his new alien bestie to save both of their worlds. ryland grace sacrificed his return to earth to save his best friend when he found out they made a giant mistake. ryland grace is one of the most loyal human being i've ever read about – including percy jackson, whose fatal flaw is literally loyalty.

can you tell i like project hail mary :)

[fatcultureis]

Fat culture is having to get a new PCP because the old one COMPLETELY ignored you saying "hey I have no appetite, don't eat enough, and am nauseous all the time contributing to me not eating enough" and her going "I want you to lose weight. I'd normally prescribe a weight loss drug but you clearly don't need that. And your BMI says you're not malnourished"

Meanwhile you're new PCP goes "yeah your body went into starvation mode. You're clearly malnourished. Let's see how we can help you."

fat culture is

[ryuatewater]

I had a dream about a year ago where i got bullied and explained the bullying to my mom trough a capcut edit and went back to school to see jeff the killer saying "i killed those bullies lol also im gonna kill the whole school except you and ur friends" and i was like "ok" so he did what he said he would i found some girl i dont know at all and just because her hair was cool i lied to jeff saying shes my friend but then guilt hit me like man jeff killed everyone bc of me so i locked all of us inside the school inside the school there was a hot topic so i got a maid dress and cat ears which i wore till the end after some time we started getting hungry and i couldnt open the door i locked so we were starving some people died of starvation and i quickly typed in /gamemode friend creative so they wouldnt starve and eventually starving got to jeffs head and he tried killing me i was trying to give myself creative mode but i forgot how to so i ran and ran eventually i got out somehow and went home next day when i went back to school i went into class and jeff was teaching math to people who survived so as a lady in a maid dress + cat ears would so in this situation i hid behind a desk like a coward

[twinsimming]

Get To Know You - Sims Style

Thank you to @descendantdragfi and @bioniczombie for tagging me 💙💙💙

What’s your favorite Sims death?

I haven’t had any sims die recently, but I do have one wild story from several years ago.

When my 2nd Gen heir Maya and her sister went off to university, they stayed in the sorority house. The general university shenanigans were taking place (sims not cleaning up after themselves, piles of laundry everywhere, etc.), but I didn’t realize some of their roommates weren’t eating... until it was too late 😬

THREE (3) girls in the dorm died in one night! Two of starvation and the third from thirst (idk how she became a vampire). Since they all died so close together, the Grim Reaper just hung around the dorm until he reaped all of them. I had Maya collect their tombstones and take them back with her to Lucky Palms when the semester ended. Now they’re all resting in the mausoleum, hopefully in peace lol.

Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

Maxis-match with some alpha pieces here and there. Though I feel like the line between what’s considered maxis-match and what’s considered alpha in TS3 is way more blurred that in TS4.

Do you cheat your sims weight?

Rarely. Some of EA’s premades are just so skinny sometimes!

Do you move objects?

All. The. Time. I can’t remember a time where I’ve played or built without it on. It makes it so much easier to squeeze sitting chairs or plants or floor lamps into tight corners and make nice collages of different wall art that overlap each other a little.

Favorite Mod?

Gosh there are so many mods that I absolutely love, and lately the TS3 modding scene has been putting out banger after banger, but my most recent favorite mod is @thesweetsimmer111′s More Toddler Interactions! I love being able to feed toddlers outside of the highchair and actually give them baths. And Savanita’s animations are always so cute!

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

The Sims 3: Showtime! (crazy, I know lol)

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?

ALIVE. Idc if it’s the wrong pronunciation, I’ve committed to it 😤

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

Probably my test sim, Leia. I created her from scratch and use her to test my mods and any CC I download, but lately I’ve been thinking of actually playing out her life. She’s also the adult sim in my Yoga Mod cover photo. Here she is!

Have you made a simself?

I did a few years ago, but I never got around to playing her. I wonder if I still have my simself’s household somewhere...

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

I haven’t used an EA preset hair in 10,000 years, but I guess the black one isn’t too terrible.

Favorite EA hair?

The braids from The Sims 3: Island Paradise!

Favorite life stage?

I feel like Young Adult is a boring answer, so I’ll say Teens lol.

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

Mostly gameplay (and testing mods/cc :p). When I build, it’s usually remodeling the interior of an already existing build. 

Are you a CC creator?

Yes!! I started with TS4 to TS3 conversions, but I’m also a modder now 😁

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

The Sims 3 community on Tumblr is pretty small, and I feel like we all know, follow, or are in a Discord server with each other (shoutout to the TS3 Creator’s Cave members!!). So, in a way, we’re all in the same squad ✌

Do you have any sims merch?

Unfortunately, no.

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

No.

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I used to exclusively play with families and progress through a few generations, but recently, I’ve been playing with more single sims to experience parts of the game I hadn’t really touched on before. I’ve also gotten a lot better at avoiding “same face” syndrome when I give existing sims a makeover or make them from scratch. Getting more comfortable with custom sliders has definitely helped with that too.

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

There are a ton of creators whose content I absolutely love, so I won’t be able to name everyone, but here are a few:

@aroundthesims, @anitmb, @aisquaredchoco, @bioniczombie, @chazybazzy,  @deniisu-sims, @danjaley, @enable--llamas, @echoweaver, @faerielandsims, @franglishetchocolat, @flotheory, @givresims, @grandelama, @greenplumbboblover, @ifcasims, @ilvansims3conversion, @jamiegirlposts, @jazzysimlife, @joojconverts, @justmiha97, @kotajose, @lazyduchess, @martassimsbookcc, @monocodoll, @mspoodle1, @nectar-cellar, @nightospheresims, @ninaaposts, @olomayasims, @omedapixel, @pandelabs, @phoebejaysims, @pixelfrogslegs, @plumbdrops, @poisonfireleafs, @potato-ballad-sims, @potatobuttcheek, @puffkins2000, @rstarsims3, @simbouquet, @simsdeogloria, @sim-songs, @simtanico, @sweetdevil-sims, @tasteslikefridge, @technicallyswagpizza, @teekapoa, @theplumdot​, @thesweetsimmer111, @xiasimla, and @zoeoe-sims!

And that doesn’t even get into all of the talented TS3 creators over on Mod The Sims or NRAAS!

How long have you had Simblr?

Going on 5 years now. At first I was just reblogging other creators’ content so I could put it in my game, but then I started doing my own conversions in late 2019, so this blog became my simblr and I continued reblogging CC on @twinsimmingccfinds.

How do you edit your pictures?

Gimp 🧍‍♀️

What expansion/game pack is your favorite?

The Sims 3: Seasons! I love watching the seasons change, the holidays, the festivals, and the feeling of progression. I also love snow and the winter season in real life, especially when I was younger, so seeing my sims going about their day in a snow covered world is very nostalgic for me.

Most people have probably been tagged by now, but if you haven’t been tagged yet, I just tagged you 😉

[little-lily-w]

Thief part 3

<<Part 2                  You asked for part 4>>

When the light went off, all you could feel was overwhelming pain from the attack and a strong sense of dehumanization. The new man never even cared to speak to you, present himself, comfort you, hit you, anything. Just like you were garbage thrown inside his private space and that really told it all. Cause him any discomfort and you were out and not precisely to the new wild Tokyo. No, you were out where garbage belonged, inside a container.

So you stayed very still, not that you could actually move, resting your back against a wall. Counting hours didn’t last long because soon sleep reached you or maybe you fainted which, anyway, your body appreciated equally. By the time you felt light piercing your forehead, you were forced to open your eyes again. With clearer vision, you scanned your limbs. Boy, that didn’t look good in the slightest. Dark green and purple spots ran along them and once you brought your hand to your temple, you felt the crunchiness of dried blood. How many days did you have in your visa? Was it 5? You doubted it matter because you could die sooner by their hand or be locked inside this hell of a place unable to go play more stupid games.

You heard the subtle squeak of the door and your heart skipped a beat, trying to cover yourself with what you had left from your torn clothes.

Niragi.

This time, alone. But considering he had his familiar rifle resting on his shoulder, it was more than enough to make you go into fight or flight mode. Fly where? Fight how? He stood there, tip of tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek as he looked down at you.

“My, my… What are you doing all alone in here? Waiting for me?”, he sticked his pierced tongue out twisting it upwards in an obscene way and you tilted your head to the side, hugging your knees close to your chest even if that simple gesture made your bruised hips burn. “I’m sorry if yesterday I couldn’t introduce myself properly”, he said, sarcastic, stepping inside the room. “But now we can resume what we had”. Niragi walked to you as you tried to disappear through the wall behind you. “I haven’t forgotten how you bit me, little bitch.” His fingers brushed your ankle, walking with the tips up your leg till he grabbed your calf and pulled to make you lose balance towards him. “But I can bite back”. The brunette was about to lay his hands on your waist when he tilted his head to the side and saw Chishiya at the door. “Fucking hell, always ruining the moment”.

The blonde was holding something similar to a candy bar and a bottle on his other hand which he was throwing slightly upwards and catching it back again with perfect reflexes. “Aren’t you tired of violating the helpless ones?”, he said not looking at him, just minding the bottle.

“Where were you? You weren’t here. Someone had to keep an eye on her. It was your task”.

Chishiya caught the bottle one last time to talk to him face to face, smirking. “I appreciate your solidarity, Niragi. But I doubt she was in good condition to escape, steal or attack someone”, he looked at you for a brief second and you fearfully shook your head no when he already knew the answer. “Now, if my bedroom is going to become a place of public interest, I’d like to talk to Aguni to see what we can do about it. Maybe you can take care of her after all”.  Chishiya stated, hearing the tiny whimper you let out. Of course you didn’t like the idea.

Niragi looked at the blonde wanting to punch him in the face but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “I’m no babysitter”, he let out instead and walked away.

Then Chishiya stepped closer to you but seeing you get back into a little ball against the wall at his proximity, he stopped in his track, squatting down to your level to throw the bar and push the water bottle towards you. He didn’t wait for a reaction, though. He knew you were eventually going to take them unless you were stupid enough to die of starvation which in that case wouldn’t have really mattered to him considering your hypothetic lack of intelligence.

“I’m going to be clear with you”, the blonde said as he opened his wardrobe, looking inside. “I don’t like being held responsible over your actions. It’s inconvenient.”

You swallowed the sip of water as fast as you could to reply. “I…”

“I’m not finished.”, he cut you. “I’m not going to risk myself for you. If you try anything, if you attempt to escape my watch or attack me, you’ll die. I won’t find it pleasurable but I won’t find it repulsive either. Are you capable of understanding that?”.

You opened your mouth, shaky breaths ascending through your chest. “Y-yes”.

“Good.”, he said, then took a long white towel, a black t-shirt and a pair of masculine beach pants from the wardrobe to lay them on the bed. He pointed at them with his eyes and then at the bathroom door.

You understood the message very quickly and although your movements were slow and unsteady due to your overall state, you managed to get on your feet and walk to the bed. With the bigger distance possible between you and him, your fingers reached the items and you walked your way inside the bathroom, closing the door behind you.

Chishiya scanned the room, purposefully looking for anything out of place. Nothing. It seemed like this was the first time you stood up since you arrived here. Then he went to the empty bar packet on the floor and threw it inside a small bin in a corner, sighing silently.