#i went from listening to him stage kiss someone else from the pit band to having him be *my* first kiss

[imthatqueerkid]

CRUSH BLOGGING DAY 365!!!!!!

[tpwkxxangel]

Side A: Track 2

//hi! so i have finals this next week, so i thought i’d updated sooner rather than later! thank you for the kind comments on the last update too!! Okay, now onto the story! here is the masterlist//

~~~

June 2018

"Jeffery!?" Harry calls from his dressing room.

It's been two weeks since Harry meet his kiwi girl again for the first time in two years, and she has not left his mind since. The morning of the sunrise, they grabbed breakfast before she dropped him off at his hotel. He got a total of two hours of sleep before he had to get to the airport to fly down to Houston, but he couldn't complain at all. He was so happy to finally feel something other than sadness again. He slept the rest of the day after getting to his new hotel. His dreams were filled with the intoxicating green-eyed girl.

With Harry being back to his happy self, everyone has taken notice. Jeff of course has been asking about the mysterious girl and why Harry seems so much happier after their night together. Harry hasn't said a single word about that night, just that she's an old friend that he is thankful for running into her. Everyone can tell she's a little more than just an old friend to the singer by the way his attitude lifted from spending one evening with her.

The moment the sun rose into the sky that morning, Janis brought a light into his life that he never knew he needed. And today was the day Harry would see his sunshine again.

They have been messaging back and forth for the last few days. He's learned a lot about her. She got her undergraduate degree from Columbia in mathematics and was placed in an accelerated program that is allowing her to get her masters at the end of December. He now can confirm that she is full of intellect. She's from the Dallas area and her parents are socialites who own a business that has many locations across the US. They wanted her to take it over, since she is the oldest of three, but it was never her calling. Her twin brother takes after their father and is following in his footsteps instead.

Harry talked about his life too. He told her crazy stories about the times he spent in one direction goofing off in hotel rooms. He also talked about how his life was pure chaos for five years but how he wouldn't take it back for anything.

One night when they were on the phone, they opened up about past relationships. They both are starting to let their guards down and Harry couldn't be happier. He wants to get to know more about Janis every time he talks to her. There is no rational reason why this girl would make him feel the way she does, but it's amazing.

"Most people are intimidated by my intelligence. People had this idea of who I was before they even knew me," she scoffed, "They often underestimated me when I was placed in the more advanced classes, so when I open my mouth and add to the conversation, people will get turned off by someone like me," she continued nervously answering Harry's question of why she hasn't been in a real relationship before. There was something else in her voice that told him there was more to the story than she was leading on.

"To be honest, I've had some of the same issues. I think everyone believes that I am just a pretty face that can kind of sing," he chuckled.

"You are a pretty face, and you can sing, but you are so much more than that Harry," J giggles softly into the phone.

"Thank you love," Harry felt himself blushing at her kind words. "Knowledge has been something that I value above all else. Since I never went to college, I try to read as much as I can. That way, I can participate in deep conversations with people and expand my mind," he responded. Just because Harry left school a little early doesn't mean he doesn't value intelligence.

Her golden laughter tickled Harry’s ears and made him smile. "That's so wise, Mr. Styles." Every time she talks to him, she sounds just like a melody. Her voice is beyond sweet and he will never get enough of her giggles.

A knock on the door pulls Harry out of his thoughts.

"You alright, Hersh?" Jeffery walks into the dressing room breaking Harry out of his thoughts.

"Do I look okay?" He looks towards his manager. This will be the first time Harry is performing for J and he wants it to be absolutely perfect.

"You're missing your jacket," Jeff points out while sending off an email on his phone.

Harry’s eyes grow big as he lets out a big gasp. That's what's wrong! Where did he set it down? The last time he had it was in the green room. Maybe it's still in there?

Harry quickly rushes out only to bump into someone. He quickly reaches around the person's waist to stabilize them. The girl lets out a laugh and Harry's face flushes knowing exactly who that giggle belongs to.

"'Ello, love," he smiles shyly.

Janis smiles while bringing her arms up and around his neck. "Hello, Harry," she hums back, touching their noses softly together.

Harry's eyes flutter shut for a moment before he meets her eyes again. "Sorry for running into ya, I'm a bit of a mess before the show," he admits with a sigh. He has performed some of the biggest venues, but nothing compared to his nerves now. He wanted to impress this girl between his arms. The way her perfume consumes his senses makes him feel a high he never want to come down from.

She looks at his flushed cheeks and can see how embarrassed he is starting to get. "It's okay. I'm a bit of a mess too," she whispers as if it was their little secret, and her words instantly dissolve his nerves.

He glances down at her lips wanting nothing more than to kiss her. Just as he starts to lean in, Jeff walks out causing both of them to freeze and look at him. The manager's eyebrows are raised, and Harry instantly drops his arms from around his sunshine's waist. He misses her warmth already.

Janis looks between the two before recognition crosses her beautiful features. She unhooks her arms from around his neck slowly. "You must be Jeffery," she holds out her hand to shake, "I'm Harry's friend J." Harry doesn't like that term. Friend. Maybe that will change soon?

Jeff finally places where he's seen her before. In the dark club, he only saw her dress and hair. "Ah, so you're the girl that's got H so distracted lately," he rolls his eyes playfully before moving out of the way from Harry's shove, "You can just call me Jeff."

Her laugh sounds through the halls of the stadium. It instantly brings Harry a fuzzy, warm feeling. "To be honest, he's occupied my mind just as much," she smiles at the blushing boy.

"I'm so glad you made it," Harry turns to her with a relieved sigh. Jeff takes that as his cue to give them a moment.

Harry finally takes in what she's wearing. She's in a white two piece, accented with golden jewelry. The color complements her tanned skin. Her blonde hair is straight tonight and frames her face just right. Instead of her red lipstick, she has pink gloss on that makes her lips that much more intriguing.

"I'm excited to see you perform," she replies.

"You'll be in the VIP section. I know you said that you can't be in super crowded places, so having you there will be less people." He was a little nervous about her being at the concert when she told him about not being able to be in the pit at a concert. She promised him it wasn't as serious as it sounded, but his sunshine was slowly growing on him so he was bound to worry.

"That's very sweet of you," she says with a soft look crossing her features. She has never had someone listen to her as intently as Harry has the past few days. It's a nice change to feel heard.

They both look down the hall where his entire band is laughing and heading their way. Adam stops short and looks at the girl standing next to Harry. He can't place where he knows her from. He looks over to the singer’s face and sees him cringing. When it hits him, he lets out the loudest cackle which makes Janis jump slightly.

"Isn't that Kiw--" he starts, but Harry talks over him.

"This is J! She's super cool!" he shouts. This couldn't be more awkward for him. He's going to tell her about the song, but maybe after they start dating so he doesn't seem as desperate. Imagine having a song written about you by a complete stranger who is trying to start a relationship with you…it sounds a little stalkery.

Everyone looks at him oddly before J breaks the silence. "Hello. It's nice to meet you all. I've heard a lot about you guys from Harry." On one of their late night calls, Harry went on and on about his bandmates. They both ended up in tears from laughing so hard after Harry told her about their adventure on the road so far.

"Hi, I'm Adam the bassist. We just came to get Harry. We’re going on soon."

"My name's Mitch," the long-haired guy waves slightly. He seems more quiet than the others.

"I'm Sarah!" the beautiful brunette waves, "Are you ready H?" she asks turning to Harry. He knows the look she’s giving him. It’s the ‘you have a lot of explaining to do’ kind of look.

He nods and turns back to Janis. "Patty, my bodyguard, can show you to your seat," he pulls her closer once again, not caring that his bandmates are watching them. "I'll see you after the show?" he gives her a small pouty look.

"Absolutely," she kisses his cheek before giving him another hug and taking off with the muscled man, "Good luck!" she throws over her shoulder with a wink.

The band walks over to the stage entrance shortly after. Harry can't stop smiling and it's not because of the screaming fans calling his name. One of the staff members helps Harry into his white jacket.

Is it strange that he misses her already?

"Is that the same girl from that bar we went to before going to Jamaica?" Adam raises a curious brow at the lovesick boy.

Harry nods with a pink making its way to his cheeks.

"Does she know the song is about her?"

Harry shakes his head as the pink grows into a deeper shade of red.

Adam booms with laughter. "This concert is going to be so awesome!"

~~~

The concert was one of his best. The crowd was louder than ever. He looked at the VIP section often and could see Janis having a good time. After numerous songs, he finally gets to the one he's been the most nervous to play tonight.

"Alright everyone. I need you guys to be serious for a second," he says into the microphone, "We are having such a good time tonight. I want you guys to keep the same energy especially because I'm about to tell you that I'm having your baby!" The stadium erupts in cheers so loud he’ll be surprised if they have their hearing tomorrow.

The rock song starts of strong. The heavy beat sounds through the whole stadium as all the fans sing along. As the song goes on, Janis notices the familiarity of the words. She knows the song played at the club but that's not why the lyrics are bouncing around her head. As Harry gives his all to his performance, he makes eye contact with her when it finally clicks.

Normal people might be put off at the fact that someone wrote a song about them without knowing them at all, but Janis isn't the average person. She starts laughing hysterically and singing along. She's going to tease him about this later.

As everything starts to wrap up, Janis follows Patty back to the green room. She goes to the restroom before the night continues and by the time she enters the green room, all the band members are there except Harry. She goes up to a few of the people she hasn't met to introduce herself.

Harry walks into the room after a few minutes. He made sure to shower and change right after the show so he didn't have to part from his sunshine for too long. He sees his girl laughing with all of his friends and he couldn't help but feel a warmth spread through his entire body. He can see himself falling for this girl very easily.

A small smile pulls at his lips before he begins approaching her with a timid look. What if she didn't have fun? What if she didn't like any of the songs? What if--

All his worries went away when he met her eyes and they grew bright with admiration. "There's the Rockstar!" she exclaimed while throwing her arms around him. He grabbed her tightly and spun around.

He laughs slightly at how happy she looks. "I'm so glad you liked it, love."

She pulls back but he holds his arms around her firmly, so she won't get too far away. "It was truly a sight to see. You have this way about you that draws all attention to you. You're mesmerizing, Harry," a blush covers her cheeks, not meaning to say that last part.

"Thank you," he kisses her cheek lightly. He loves the slight pink that coats them. "What was your favorite part?"

"Probably when you held up the handcuffs," she smirks. Now it's Harry's turn to blush. Before they could continue talking, they got sucked into conversation with everyone in the room. Everyone planned on going back to the hotel and hanging out until the adrenaline of from the performance wore off, but Harry and Janis had other ideas.

"I think we were just going to go back to J's apartment for a little bit," Harry tells them. With that said, they say their goodbyes before exiting the venue with some security. Janis already had a car waiting for her outside, so Harry just tagged along.

The ride was relatively silent. It was comfortable and definitely not overrated. Harry had talked to her every day since he met her again, but he loved being able to physically pull her closer to him. Touching her was almost like a drug to him. He couldn't get enough of this woman and for the life of him, he didn’t understand why.

When they pull up to a tall building in the city, they both step out. She thanks her driver before taking Harry's hand and leading him into the lobby. From the golden tiling and pearl accents, he could tell that this place is very posh.

"Good evening, Ms. Rogers," the man at the door greats. He seems to be in his late forties with the graying of his hair. For some reason, her full name plays through his mind like he should know where it's from, but he just pushes that thought away.

"Hello, Mason! How's Lily?" she asks him with a kind smile.

"She's great! She loves the books you sent her. Can't stop reading them before bed!" he laughs.

"I'm so glad she likes them. They were some of my favorites when I was younger. You'll have to bring her by sometime soon so we can all go for lunch," she touches his arm before she grabs Harry’s hand again.

"I'll be sure to bring her by soon," he smiles kindly. J nods before bidding goodbye.

As step into the elevator, Harry turns to her with a fond smile on his cherry lips. "You're so adorable," he kisses her nose as she bursts into giggles.

"You're so sweet," she kisses his lips lightly before the elevator doors open, signaling they have arrived. There were only 4 doors in the long hallway. She walked over to the last one on the left and pulled out her key. When she opened the door, Harry faltered slightly.

She told him before that she comes from a wealthy family, but he thought that just meant she came from some money. The apartment that she is staying in is easily one of the most expensive places in New York. The decorations were filled with every color under the rainbow. Surprisingly, nothing was obnoxious. The more he looks around, the more he knows this is exactly what he expected her apartment to look like. There was nothing dull or boring on her walls. Painted pieces, flowers and photos cover the entire place.

"This place is amazing," Harry says under his breath.

"Thank you. Would you like something to drink?"  she offers.

"Some water would be lovely," she nods, taking his hand and leading him to the giant living room before heading to the open kitchen.

He takes this moment to really look around. There is lots of artwork around on the walls and sculptures scattered around. There's a large television in front of an all-white couch. The kitchen is behind the couch without a wall closing it off. This place is so open and vibrant that it just makes sense that this is where she would be. She's always been open and honest with Harry, and it has scared him a little bit at first. Even with that fear in him, he is determined to push himself towards being like her. Open and free.

"Here you go," she hands him the water before guiding him to the patio overlooking New York City. Her presence is so consuming, and he knows he could never get enough of it.

Once they settle on the outside couch overlooking the city, Harry finally asks the question that has been on his mind since they left the venue. "So, how did you like the show honestly?" he takes a sip of his drink.

"I meant everything I said before. You were meant to be on stage, Harry," she responds with a soft smile.

"Thank you, love," he says. He has been using that term of affection more and more lately because every time he does, a light pink coats her cheeks, and he can't get enough of how beautiful it makes her. "What was your favorite song?"

She thinks for a moment before smirking. "I really enjoyed that unreleased song 'Medicine'! Why wasn't it on the album?"

"You and everyone else," Harry chuckles lightly looking down at his lap. "It just didn't feel right putting it with all the other songs," he shrugs noncommittally.

She rolls her eyes. "I need a studio version, Harold."

Harry cackles at the nickname before sipping his drink again. "That's not my name, love, and you know it. But I'll see if I could find one for you."

She smiles cheekily at him. "I know. I did really like that song, but I'd have to say the one about 'Kiwi' was my all-time favorite," she giggles. Harry starts to fidget slightly. "Very creative with the words there. How did you come up with that one?"

"Um, well you know, I-" he starts to stutter, "You know, I d-don't like putting a definite meaning behind my songs just in case someone has their own meaning behind a song, uh," he stops himself cringing slightly at his rambling.

Janis laughs at his discomfort and she sounds just like a song. Her head throws back and her eyes squint closed. Harry couldn’t find her more beautiful. Once she settles down, she breathes out a sigh. "You know how I said I got into the wrong crowd a while back?" she waits for him to remember one of their late-night conversations. "Well, that guy was one of them. He was good fun and could take my mind off somethings that happened," Harry inwardly cringes about how he would do that exactly, "We went out that night because I'd just gotten back from visiting home, so I needed to relax somehow. While we were out, his girlfriend showed up. When she confronted me, those words just popped out of my mouth. I told her 'I'm having your baby, it's none of your business' as in, 'I'm with your guy now, what are you gonna do about it?'" she smiles at the memory.

Harry couldn't help but laugh at how crazy the story was. "R-really?" he gasps out.

She nods slightly. "Yeah. I won’t have used those words if I wasn’t drunk. Then later that night, I found out he was just using me to get to his father to release his trust fund. She was his actual girlfriend, and he was just a sleazeball using me," she shrugs, but Harry could tell the situation affected her more than she let on.

"So, you guys aren't friends anymore?" he asks curiously.

"No. I quickly dove into my studies and got back on the right path. I'm a good girl now," she giggles, "I even told his father about it, so both of them don't like me very much."

Harry shifts closer to her and pulls her onto his lap, "Well, I like you lots," he smiles feeling so lucky to have this girl in his arms. Her returning smile stuns him from being so bright.

"You do?" she confirms. He nods. "Well, Rockstar, I like you lots too," she kisses his lips gently. It was meant to be a small peck, but once he tasted her strawberry lip gloss, he couldn't let her get too far away. "Wanna know something really funny though?"

Harry hums, just wanting to hear more of her voice. He has no alcohol in his system, yet he feels just as tipsy as he would after a few drinks.

"I'm allergic to kiwis," she whispers to him.

"No shit?" Harry bursts into fits of laughter. She nods truthfully, join in on his laughter.

The rest of the summer evening was filled with giggles and stolen kisses. He made sure to keep her in his hold, within kissing distance. Every time their lips touched, he felt a high like no other.

~~~

Harry left in the early hours of the morning to get some rest before their breakfast date they decided on. Harry planned a perfect date for them. They were going for a picnic in one of his favorite places.

Harry picks her up from her apartment around nine in the morning. He texted her he was in the lobby. He's distracted on his phone when the elevator gets to the main floor.

Janis walks out and sees him standing there. She admires his beauty. It's an unusual feeling of being wanted by such an amazing man. All her life, she has been loved, but she found out rather quickly who her real friends are. Some people only found her interesting because of who her parents were. No one ever really cared about what she was like, so to have Harry not know exactly who she is, is quiet refreshing.

"You're so cute when you smile," her voice startles him. He looks up at his sunshine. She's sporting a lovely pastel green sundress and a pink sun hat. Her perfume drifts around him causing that familiar fuzzy feeling. He breathes it in an out.

"I've got a lot to smile about when I'm around you," he coos and greets her with a kiss on the cheek. Color flushes Janis’ face as she giggles, trying to not show how much his words affected her.

"You're too cheesy sometime," her voice is soft.

"Anything to make you blush like that," he grabs her bag and carries it out as they head to the car.

She laughs at how cute he is. He makes a funny face in response to her musical laughter, causing more fits.

The picnic was set up by the time they got there. He'll have to thank Jeff for setting everything up. They are hidden from the public by a few trees, just like that first night they spent together. They sit down on the blanket and take out some of the food that's packed. He made sure some of her favorites were in there. On a light night Skype call, she told him she could never get enough berries.

"Oh! Strawberries, gimme!" she makes grabby hands for the fruit. Harry laughs and gives it to her. She opens the container and grabs a bright red strawberry. Harry watches as she brings the fruit up to her mouth. It's the cutest thing when her tongue peeks out to guide the fruit into her warm mouth.

Harry's brain goes empty as she takes a bite and closes her eyes to savor the flavor. Her eyes close for a moment and her head lulls back. Oh God.

He looks back to the picnic basket, so he doesn't turn this date into something it isn't. He hands her a pre-made sandwich and grabs one for himself too. They get to talking about everything under the sun, wanting to get to know each other better.

"What's your favorite book?" she asks while popping in another grape.

"Um, that should be an easy question, but I've read so many," he thinks out loud. He found himself doing that so often with her. He knew she would never judge him, so he felt free to speak his mind whenever she was around. There are only a few people that make him feel that way.

"Well, which one are you reading right now?" she prompts him after a few seconds of silence.

"I'm reading 'Love is a Mixtape' by Rob Sheffield," he says. He is about to elaborate, because it's not a well-known book when she speaks up.

"I love that book," she says before drinking some water. "Rob's actually a friend of mine. He's a brilliant writer and definitely someone who is overlooked." Harry's jaw goes slack slightly. She looks at him oddly. "What?"

"You're friends with Rob?" Harry can't wrap his brain around how they would be in the same circles.

She nods. "He's actually friends with my father. My dad is...well, influential so Rob actually interviewed him in the early 90s. Ever since, they became friends. He's a sweet guy, very genuine."

Harry booms with laughter. "He's a good friend of mine too! That's how I got onto the book. On tour, I need something to occupy my mind sometimes, so I started reading his book."

"That's awesome! Maybe if we didn't meet at the bar, he would have introduced us," she smiles.

"That'd be pretty funny," he takes a sip of his water. "What book are you reading right now?"

"Well, it's not my favorite," she cringes slightly, "But it's called 'Watermelon Sugar' by Richard Brautigan." She makes a sour face at the mention of it. When she looks up to Harry, he is frozen in thought.

That book used to be Camille's favorite. This is the first time he has thought of her in the past few weeks. Oddly enough, it doesn't hurt as much as it had before. Spending time with Janis has opened his mind to new things and a brightness he has never known.

"Are you alright, Harry," Janis breaks him out of his thoughts by touching his arm gently.

"Um, yeah, sorry," he shakes his head. "My, um, my ex used to love that book," he shrugs.

Maybe she should have been uncomfortable with talking about the guy she like's ex, but she's not the jealous type.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asks while finishing off her sandwich.

He thinks about it for a second. Does he want to talk about her? No. It's not because he is avoiding the pain. It's because he truly doesn't find the need to. He shakes his head and looks at the girl in front of him. She's not who he thought she'd be. She is so much more. He pulls her closer to him.

"I'm okay. Thank you though," he kisses her temple. This feeling inside him is rising through his chest. He's felt it on more than one occasion with her. It's so wonderful and warm. "Why don't you like it?"

Her bottom lip pouts out slightly and her eyebrows draw together in thought. Harry can't help but find her absolutely adorable. "Originally, I thought it would be good because it has one of my favorite fruits in the title, but I was wrong. It's just a really weird story. I do like actual watermelon sugar though," she laughs, "It's sweet and delicious, just like you," she kisses his lips slowly before pulling back.

Harry's eyes are still closed from the taste of her on his tongue. He needs to change the subject quickly before he creates a scandal in the middle of this park, "So, you said that you have plans at the end of this month?"

She nods her head, popping another grape in her mouth. "I'm hosting an event for the charity that I run."

"Huh?" Can this girl be any more perfect?

"When I was younger, I always wanted to make some kind of impact. I saw so many people not using their voices to stand up for the right things or being completely selfish,” she scoffs while rolling her eyes at the memories, “One of the things I am most passionate about is learning. I want everyone to be able to learn whatever their heart desires, so I started a fund to sponsor children who want to learn about things that schools might not teach them. I’m working with art galleries, recording studios, research labs, and a few other companies to mentor these kids. They will have a chance to really see how things they are passionate about work."

"Oh my gosh, you're literally a saint, no wondering I'm falling--" Harry chuckles before he realizes what he was about to say. "Uh, I mean, uh--"

"What was that?" Janis asks while placing her arms around his neck to play with the baby hairs at the bottom of his neck.

Harry looks down blushing before looking up through his lashes. "I really like you Janis, and I, uh, I can see myself falling really hard for you. I don't know if I'm reading the signs wrong or something--"

Instead of letting him ramble on, she interrupts him with a kiss. Every word that is unsaid between the two seems to flow through them in that moment. She tastes like strawberries. His breath is minty from the gum he was chewing on after he ate. Their lips move in perfect sync. Harry feels like it’s so natural to be with her on this summer morning. Her perfume surrounds his senses. He breathes her in and out. Janis is the one to pull back first. She leaves one last peck on his awaiting lips and smiles.

"I can see myself falling for you too," she giggles.

Harry lets out a breath of relief. He grabs onto her disposable camera and takes a picture of the two of them smiling. They take turns posing for each other causing them both to fall into fits of laughter.

After a while, they pack up the rest of the picnic and take it to the car before going on a walk down the street. Harry doesn't have to be at sound check until two hours before the concert, so he has plenty of time to spend with his sunshine. They walk for a few hours, going to the little shops or the small bakeries along the street. They never let go of each other, that is until he hears an eerily familiar person call out his name.

He turns around to be met with the familiar icy blue eyes. "Camille?" There was no reason for her to be in New York, unless...

"Hi Harry! I was in the states and thought I'd catch your show," she shrugs with a grin. "Theo and I were thinking about going to DC for your show there in a few days," Camille notices the girl standing behind him and gives her a smile.

No one talks for a second, so Janis takes the opportunity to use the skills she learned when she was younger to defuse the awkward tension. She assumed this was the ex they were just talking about.

"Hello," she smiles genuinely at the obvious model, "I'm J." She didn't want to introduce herself as anything to Harry just in case Camille took it as her being aggressive. They just admitted their feelings for goodness sake.

"Camille," Janis goes in for a handshake, but the model pulls her in to kisses her cheeks, "It's lovely to meet you!"

"You as well. I love your top by the way," Janis says conversationally. She can't help but notice the beauty of the woman in front of her. It makes a lot of sense how this woman could be Harry’s ex-girlfriend.

"Thank you! I love your dress," the compliment is a little over enthusiastic, but luckily Harry broke out of his silence before Janis could think too much about it.

"So, you guys are coming to the show in DC?" Harry asks nervously. In his silence, he really thought about his emotions. He knows he is over Camille, but if her and her new boyfriend come to the show, he might have a harder time performing. The wound still hurts where she left, but he has Janis now.

Camille nods and looks down at the watch on her wrist. "Oh! I'm late for a lunch meeting. I'll see you in DC," she looks over to Janis and smiles, "I look forward to seeing you again."

"Absolutely!" she replies as the model walks away. The pair walk slowly down the street again. "Are you okay, Harry?" Janis asks after a few minutes of silence.

Harry laughs softly and pulls her to his side kissing her temple again. "Yes, love. It's just a little odd I guess."

"I bet. Will you be okay at the DC show?" she questions. She isn't sure when it is, but she's hoping she will be free to go. The reason she wants to be there isn't the fact that his ex will be there. It's the fact that Harry seems a little shaken by just one conversation with her. As someone that cares for him immensely, she wants to be there for him even if he might not need her.

"I think so," his eyebrows crease in thought. This is vastly different. Camille was very jealous when they were together. That was one of the reasons for their fights. Janis seems oddly content with the fact that his ex is talking to him. "Would you like to come to the show?"

She can sense that he isn't asking for her benefit. He wants her there. "What day?"

"It's this next Sunday."

Her charity even is on Monday, so she should be able to make it as long as she leaves in enough time. "I'm free. I've got the benefit the day after, but it should all work out," she smiles up at him.

"Lovely," he says. He's not talking about her being able to come, he's talking about her in general.

[lemon-boy-stan]

paparazzi problems - kim seokjin x reader

genre: fluff, angst. warnings: none, mentions of anxiety, suicide. also i diss the us the star wars fandom? so sorrynotsorryi’minittoo pairing: kim seokjin x reader.  (AU where jin writes ‘Magic Shop’, guys. Also I changed a few lyrics around but you’ll see.)

There was no doubt that there would be many grey aspects to making your relationship public. You’d been dating for two years even though you’d known him for much longer, the year being 2020, and ARMY was expecting it, you were the eighth and only female member of the group, after all, something like this was bound to happen.

Ever since it’d been announced on BTS’ account (you weren’t permitted your own Instagram and you perfectly understood why), the amount of interviews you and Jin had attended multiplied by double the amount more than the six other band members.

Which was fine, just tedious and mainly uncomfortable because these interviews weren’t about music, the rest of the band wasn’t with you, these interviews were about your private life together - your love life.

It was fun at first, just the two of you answering questions and taking photos and being in separate magazines but it soon became pressuring and even a little annoying. Although you didn’t get a lot of hate (mainly because when and if you did BigHit would shut it down or one of the other guys would Tweet something fiery back in return) the problem with not having any drama whatsoever was that people tried to make drama.

If they saw you and Jin together, frowning at each other because you were halfway between sharing a look and rolling your eyes something stupid someone (probably Jungkook) said, someone would put a photo of the frown on the internet and the supposed-to-be-interesting interview the following day or week would be laced with questions about why you were supposedly arguing when everything was going so well.

If people saw you getting too close or touchy with one of the other band members the faces of you and said band member would be all over the internet and said band member would become ARMY’s chosen flavour to hate on, even if Jin would speak up about it and you wouldn’t be able to joke around with said band member for at least a few months until something else blew over.

Pretty soon, the two of you learned to loathe these interviews and you were now sitting with the rest of the band (who were already in pajamas) in your new outfits and makeup. You were the one who brought up the subject, lifting your head up and off it’s resting place on Jin’s lap with a miserable groan as he looked down and blinked at the space where your head had once been before bringing his attention back to whatever you were going to say.

“Can we just say we broke up or something? I’m tired and I want to play Mario Kart, too!” you crossed your arms and made a grouchy face, making Jin frown before remembering why he was in clothes and the others were in pajamas; he agreed lazily with a sheepish noise and shrug.

Jin didn’t seem to be offended about it, in fact, he looked like he completely and genuinely understood why you’d said such a thing. You could not say the same for the rest of the boys; apparently your words had been an instant mood killer because someone muted the TV and their cheery conversation came to a dead end. 

The six of them turned around in-sync, staring at you with blank, shocked faces and round open mouths before Namjoon repeated what you’d spoken with a frown, “why would you want to fake break up with each other?” Jungkook, who was still watching the silent TV and had only just started paying attention, choked on his drink and span around. “What?” he turned to Namjoon, using a panicked voice, “Seokjin and Y/N are breaking up?! But, why?”

Everyone, including yourself, groaned, but it was RM who groaned the loudest, shaking his head. “Aiyho, go back to school and take extra classes in paying attention.” He said this in such a serious tone that it was hard for anyone listening and watching not to try and hold back a laugh.

Jungkook scowled as Namjoon continued on like what he said hadn’t been, “Y/N and Jin are just discussing that they want to fake break up.”

“It’s actually a really good idea,” Jin said this with such lust in his voice that the others were also scowling, giving him disapproving and disgusted glares. “What?!” he exclaimed, throwing his arms up. “You guys just don’t get it. We can’t go anywhere without being grumpy, without having photos being taken of us and stories made out of them….”

“Yeah!” you agreed much more loudly than you imagined you would’ve used, “I can’t steal any of Jimin’s noodles without people taking a photo and talking about it and hating -” you began. “You shouldn’t be taking my food in the first place!” Jimin shot back hotly, scowling again. 

“Yeah, that’s boyfriend stuff,” Jin grumbled, making you hit his arm loudly. “Really, mister ‘buy your own food’?! If I took a single spoon of your congee you’d drop me like the mic Taehyung was holding in Mic Drop,” you hissed, making Jin grin proudly at this.

“Anyway,” Namjoon cleared his throat, desperate for peace to be restored, “it’s your decision. I’m not saying it’s a good or a bad one but -”

“No, it’s a bad one and even Jesus knows it!” Jungkook contributed to the banter, “ARMY’s going to blame everything on Seokjin because he was the one who kissed her that night at the concert on stage in the song -” 

“People didn’t see that, though,” you began desperately, “so no harm done, right?” when you did not get the response you wanted you raised your voice and said, “Right?!” again, leaning over the table to stare down the person who was currently on their phone (Hobi) so that he would scramble to find a clip of the concert, guilty.

“Here’s a bootleg of -” he began, only to be interrupted by yours truly, you’d grabbed his phone from his hands and scrolled the red line down to where you’d imagined the kiss would be. You were right. Jin, the hopeless romantic he turned out to be, had been keeping his eyes on you the entire way through Magic Shop. 

You could still hear it, with or without the audio of the video, you could still hear the words. Don’t forget that in the end, I found you, you were standing on the edge of the cliff. It’s my last reason, LIVE. The day you hate being you, the day you want to disappear forever, let’s make a door in your heart. If you open that door and enter, this place will wait. 

Then he’d grabbed you, and you were the one crying, not Jimin, you were. Because Jin had told you Jungkook co-wrote that song. But it wasn’t Jungkook, you understood now,  as Jin’s lips were against yours, it was Seokjin who’d co-written the song. Who’d co-written...

Magic shop.

And the crowd was screaming, ARMY was screaming, some were crying… because Seokjin had breathed into the kiss, the magnifying screens for those who weren’t in the mosh pit had been zooming in on the kiss, bringing the entire world’s attention to his love, to the two of you.

Even the person who was filming with their phone was screaming.

You were still crying as Jin breathed the words “IloveyoubemygirlfriendI’llalwaysloveyouandneverletyougo,” into the kiss quietly, forgetting that he still had his headset on. 

ARMY was screaming again at the words, they were happy that you were happy. Because ARMY was not a toxic fanbase, ARMY was not Star Wars. ARMY could see the kiss and relationship coming from the day you were put in the studio, they’d supported the relationship from the day you were put in the studio together. They didn’t pressure you to break up like how they pressured Rose out of the movies so that Rey and Finn could get together.

“Why do you have to be so romantic, Seokjin?” you slapped his finger away from the tear he’d been trying to wipe, glaring at him. “Because look where it got you, right?” Namjoon rolled his eyes. “But maybe just wait until this interview to decide, ‘kay?” he said this in the same breath and now you were the one who rolled their eyes. “Because you’re gonna be late.”

Namjoon, as usual, was right, the numbers on Hobi’s phone (still in your hands) had flicked from nine twenty-eight to nine twenty-nine, the interview was at ten o’clock and it would take you twenty minutes for the cab to get there in time.

You sighed, rolling your eyes again, slapping (or sliding) Hobi’s phone back across the table, grabbing Jin’s arm violently, getting up, about to hiss a backhand comment at the others before noticing the smirks they were giving your boyfriend, “what?” you nearly growled the words at their stupid smirks before turning to Jin himself, glaring at his blank face. 

“Can I - just let me - you still have -” I hadn’t even noticed that tear was there. “Oh,” you breathed, the tension thick. “Yeah. Um.” no-one laughed or snickered even though you didn’t know why, you half expected Namjoon to at least grin but he didn’t. “Thanks.” you muttered, grabbing one of Jin’s scarves from the rack, almost choking yourself gently with it (thankfully RM saved you from it’s deadly clutches, rolling his eyes and loosening it). 

“Well,” you said, your earlier words still having no plausible effect on the other boys, you started to stomp out the door, ignoring more of Namjoon’s huffy eye-rolling before Jin took control and ushered you out. 

Always early, the drive to the interview had given you a good ten minutes to spare (which you admittedly agreed was enjoyable, you’d made sure to bring your camera, learning your lesson hard, and took photos of Jin with the water fountain.) and soon you were in the studio, spraying silly string at each other in expensive clothes.

Okay, so, maybe when you mentioned interviews being absolutely boring and repetitive or something like that earlier you’d used a very generic term for the word interviews. Because there were very rare occasions where the interviews you and your boyfriend went to were incredible, and today was one of those days.

This interview wasn’t just an interview. It was more like the much more enjoyable activity ones like the group ones you’d done on the Jimmy Fallon Show, Late, Late Show with James Corden, VLive, and other Korean/American channels. 

The studio was huge and empty and there were several cans of bright silly-string scattered around the place. The leader of the interview group told you what you’d be doing and you were all of a sudden very pumped up to take part in this.

You’d be answering questions while spraying each other with the neon silly string. Being a mature duo, the studio echoed with laughter and shrieks and snorted replies to the questions (which really weren’t that bad after all). 

Except, of course, you always seemed to jinx yourself right when things were getting good. “So, Y/N. BigHit makes a big deal about how you donate a lot to anti-bullying, anxiety and depression organisations. There’s been talk of you having depression, is this true? Or is it all just a plea for attention?”

You blinked, thinking maybe you were in a dream, because there was no way an interviewer would question something like that. 

Silence reigned and only when Jin’s sleeve brushed past yours did you realise you were not, in fact, dreaming, you closed your open mouth.

The silly string war had lightened Jin’s foul mood (he’d lost the cap of his camera and didn’t want to buy another one because it was ‘too expensive’.) but now it’d gone back to what it was before. He looked right about to punch the guy in the face and ruin his social life and the rest of his career.

Jin remained calm as always. Instead of losing his cool like one of the other boys would if they were with you, Jin breathed through his nose and a clenched jaw. You shot him a pleading look from the corner of your eye but when he didn’t even register it you knew that there was no stopping whatever would come next.

“When people break an arm,” he began coolly, “you can see the broken arm in the cast. You can see it, you know it’s there. You don’t question it. It’s the same with religion, only different. People don’t know if the gods they believe in really did exist. But they believe the words. They don’t question it. So, if you can see her donating to, talking about, raising awareness for, depression and anxiety, I suggest that you take her word and believe it. Because hypothetically, even if it wasn’t true, if it looked true you’d believe it. It’s just like your company, isn’t it? On the media, it looks like people enjoy themselves in these interviews. You capture the good parts and take out the bad parts, you wash out the black into a grey illusion. We’re all on the same page here; we should keep it that way.”

You looked away and down, trying your best to avoid all forms of eye contact. The tension in the  studio had shifted from joivial to awkward and angry. Even after the interview had ended and you’d taken the silly string off the atmosphere was still uncomfortable and you couldn’t bear to be in it any longer so you nodded quickly at the strings of apologies from everyone in the studio with you.

Just like back at the apartment, Jin took full control, ushering you out with a firm hand on your upper back, walking swiftly out the door. 

Once you were in the taxi out of earshot away from your paparazzi problems, you exhaled loudly with a sort of groan, resting your head on his shoulder, looking up into Jin’s endless black orbs. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” you began softly, making him roll his eyes. “But thank you,” you looked up to him again, “I mean it, Jin. That meant a lot.” now he smiled softly, kissing your head, “Anything for you, Jagi. I love you.” you closed your eyes and said, “I love you too,” quietly back.

BTS MASTERLIST - bts requests are open!

[siyeonjisoo]

AVATAR GOING HUNTING NYC 9/3

It has finally happened, y’all!  Concerts are back in my life and I am more than thrilled about it.  Last night was the first concert I’ve been to since February 13, 2020 so over a year and a half when I’m used to maybe 3 months at most between concerts.  Felt so SO good to be back at it and see concert fam folks again!

My comeback was with the incomparable metal band Avatar who I first saw in 2019 when they toured with Babymetal and I had no clue who they were.  How things have changed since then.  Now without any further ado, I give you how the day went.

I sadly had to go to work in the morning but I left at noon and made it to Irving Plaza around 1:40.  I was really worried that I was going to have a horrible spot in line and thus have to hide in the back or along the walls to avoid the mosh pits but I ended up being only the 7th person in line.  I had GA ticket and was the first person in line for that. Between already knowing some of the folks there and spending the next 6 hours making friends with them, I ended up being promised they would help me get as close to front row as they could get me which was AMAZING.

Doors opened actually on time and we were able to get into the venue pretty quickly!  I ended up SECOND ROW for this show DEAD CENTER.  An intense place to be but so very amazing.

Touring with Avatar are two other bands, Tallah and Magic Sword.  Tallah performed first with about 5 songs.  I’m always completely unfamiliar with the bands touring with folks so I didn’t know this group either.  And they aren’t bad but not a group I will go out of my way to listen to again.  Drummer kicked ass though, apparently he only joined the band as a replacement drummer 2 months ago and he killed it.  The singer has the ability to do splits but that’s the only thing about him I think I like.  The other members of the band were just as memorable as their songs, which is to say, not at all.

Next was Magic Sword.  That group is a trio, of drummer, guitarist, and keyboardist.  They were amazing, 10 out of 10.  If you can get the chance to see them in concert, I beg of you to do so.  That said, I can’t say I’ll be listening to their music again unless it’s live because they don’t have a vocalist and I like to be able to sing/rap along with music unless it is loud enough I can feel it in every single cell of my body, which is what Magic Sword delivered.  Only bad thing to happen here was the crowd was starting to be...less than sober...and the person behind me spilled a quarter of their beer down my ass, right into the pocket where my phone was.  I was less than thrilled with this person and was thankful they traded places with their friend for Avatar’s set because the second person was kinder and actually made conversation with us a little bit and apologized for how drunk they both were.

The stage was cleared after Magic Sword performed probably 6 or 7 songs? I can’t tell for sure since their songs do seem to run on the longer side so I may have split a song that is actually one into two.  And then it was time for the reason I was there, the main event: AVATAR.

The roadies came out and set up the stage for them with a very different setup than ANY of us expected. There was a projector screen blocking most of our view but we could see three mic stands set up in the front middle, the usual lights and drumset in the back, and then another drumset on stageright next to the microphones.  

After many attemted Avatar chants and false alarms from the crew, the band came out.  They all lined up, John at the front drumset, Henrik, Johannes, Jonas, and Tim in that order filled in the microphones set up.  They all stood looking dead ahead, barely blinking, for a few moments of us screaming before jumping into the first two songs of the night, Colossus and Let it Burn.  They performed Colossus without moving or smiling or anything, they looked like robots so so perfectly.  They held the positions for what felt like a full minute or two with Henrik trying so so hard to not smile, I could see the corner of his mouth twitching.  He looked so happy to be here the whole night!

The lights went down after those 2 songs and they took off the front drumset and changed the microphones back to the usual ones that they can kick up and spread them to give them all more space.  When they did, a drumstick dropped on the ground and got left behind so a friend of mine got the venue staff to pick it up and hand it to her! She got a drum stick from Tallah, too I believe.

Next came SIlence in the Age of Apes, Bloody Angel, (Johannes said he thinks of all of us as his) Child (ren), and The Eagle Has Landed.  This is where things started getting a LOT more intense in the crowd.  I could feel the crowd moving more behind me in Apes so I could tell that there was a mosh pit that was at least starting out by then and by Bloody Angel, people were crowd surfing.  At least one person per song would come crashing over us for the rest of the show and I didn’t really love it.  I was scared the whole time a foot was gonna come crashing into my head or a staff member was gonna punch me in the nose AGAIN to keep me from getting a foot in the head. which yes, the dude full-on punched me in the nose to catch a foot that swerved away from my head and into the person in front of me instead.  An adventure of a moment.

Everyone went off-stage for a few minutes except for Johannes who took a moment to greet us and thank us all for coming  He was in his full glory the whole night, that cocky grin glued to his face and a manic joy in his eyes that was genuine happiness to be back in front of a crowd after so long.  He gave us some kind of witty (but obvious if you know song names) intro into the next set of songs and the rest of the band came back out.

(Insert quirky pun her) Paint it Red, Secret Door, Swarm, Torn Apart.  This was the period of time when I could barely keep my eyes off of Tim because he looked so giddy half the time.  Either making faces to tease us or just looking around himself in amazement.  More moshing pushing us around and crowd surfers kicking us in the head but oh-so amazing.

Then came the grand piano being carried on stage.  No, it wasn’t actually a grand piano, it was a keyboard put into a wood frame to look like a shrunken down grand piano so it looked real but was able to be lifted by three or four people and carried on stage.  Johannes sat down and seranaded us with Gun and I have not hated being in an American crowd so much before in my life.  Every time I would start to get into the emotions of the song, someone would shout something hardly intelligible because they were so far away or it would be someone screaming “I LOVE AVATAR!” Made me so so so annoyed but Johannes was smiling so I tried to ignore it and let it go.

The piano was taken away and the rest of the band came back to perform Going Hunting.  And lemme just tell you that it was an honor to be in the third ever audience to hear that song performed live.  It hits all the right feels to kick ass live and at home so I hope people are loving it.

Johannes thanked us for tuning in and making their streamed Dream concerts happen in Avataruary.  He said it gave them all a chance to reflect and think about the songs they haven’t performed in years, leading them to their self-titled album, leading us Deeper Down.  This song was actually one I don’t know if I’ve listened to before, I’ve kind of stuck with the 4 albums I really like and haven’t branched out much.  But it slaps hard.

Next it was time for us to worship our king.  Everyone but Kungen left stage and he looked at us like we were ants beneath his feet, barely worthy of being acknowleged while the roadies came and changed his guitar and gave him his royal attire.  Kungen slowly started playing the intro and Tim joined him, standing back to back and both of them looking gorgeous while everyone else slowly joined them on stage to build up A Statue of the King.  They followed that with zero comments jumping immediately into The King Welcomes You to Avatar Country.  Both of those songs are so effing hype that when they all just walked off stage after, I was shook.

I think this was when Johannes started getting a little sappy with us in his comment.  He said they’d all agreed that they wouldn’t get emotional on us but he had to take a minute and thank us all for being back here with them.  And the way he knows that we’re really back together is because even though we all look so different we all *snifs armpits* smell the same.  We all Smell Like a Freakshow.  I don’t know if it’s just me but it felt like we were all saving up energy for this song and went absolutely feral.  I used up almost all the energy I had left so I just did the bare minumum for Wormhole right after.  Moved just enough to avoid getting hit in the head with someone else’s head.

Then for what I think was only the second time all night, everybody went off stage.  Every other time, Johannes has stuck around and chatted while the others were gone but he left too.  They did a quick little outfit change behind the scenes I think, Johannes came back on with his overalls undone so clearly he was hot.  And, you know, a warm temperature as well. Yup.

And just like that, as though 3 hours hadn’t passed since the first band started, it was time for the last song of the night.  It was time to Hail the Apocalypse.  This song is the only song I know for sure they performed the last time I saw them live and I feel like it only gets better the more I hear it.  They could make a 10 minute version of it and I would still be asking for more.

They went off-stage for a second and everyone put down their instruments and came back without anything and just let us cheer for them.  They gave us a little bow and then started saying thank you and waving good bye.  I saw Tim say “I love you” at the crowd and I think John and Jonas both blew kisses at us.  

And then it was over.  They left the stage, the lights came up in the house, we all made sure everyone was okay from all the flying feet that came at us, and the venue staff told us it was time to go home.  I had friends going the same way I was so I was able to keep the magic going for a little while longer before I started my journey home alone.

These guys are all so amazing and I am so lucky I got to fall in love with them the way I did.  And I am so happy to have the friends I’ve made at this show and every other show I’ve been to.  It was an amazing way to get back to concerts, starting it off with a bang.  I have blisters, bruises, and sore everything but I would do it all again tonight if only I could.  It is now time to start counting down the days till I follow Miyavi around for a week on tour in October!

THANK YOU FOR TAKING ME HUNTING, AVATAR! Glory to Our King!

The setlist was given to my my friend. All other photographs are taken by yours truly

[caritobbg]

Secret Love Song (Part 4)

A/N: So.... this is the end!!!! Hope you like it guys!!  Sorry for my bad grammar, writing in English was never easy for me (even though I studied the language for almost 11 years HAHAHAHAHA) If you want me to write something else, feel free to tell me and I will try!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

--------------- Spencer POV’s

Rossi called me to speak at the bar, he was nervous. He had been talking to (Y / N) when the show started. I walked over and he asked me about what had happened with Kiara ... I was sorry I went out with her, she was a cute and sweet girl, we dated a few times but ... I couldn't do it ... I felt like I was betraying a part of me that He said "you are a fool, you do this only to forget how you feel about (Y / N), you are hurting her". I told him everything, I couldn't fool him, David Rossi was one of the best profilers in the world ...

"Do not worry child. Today is your chance to fix things ”he said smiling and looking back at the small stage that now had a black keyboard with yellowish keys from constant use. “… She will sing two incredible songs: one by the famous English band Little Mix, the second, an indistinct song that we will hear for the first time here live. Please give (Y / N) a loud applause !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ” "But... That’s... Is that..."

"Thanks Joey" she said smiling

(Y/N) began to talk a little with the whole audience and explain a little the first song that the girls talked about so much before. She looked beautiful in that burgundy dress, her black glasses ... she was beautiful! There are over 414,800 words in the English language and none came out of my mouth

"Speechless?" I heard Rossi say "Shut up ..." I said feeling a burning in my cheeks.

The music began as soon as the phrase ‘This is a shout out to my ex’ came out  we looked towards where our unsub was. His face said it all, he knew that song was for him ... I was glad, on the one hand, that that idiot got the hint, why? He deserves it, he deserves everything he did to her and more! I'd like to put my hands around his neck and… what am I saying ?! Come on Spencer, control yourself, you can't do that ... take a deep breath ...

"He's enraged" I heard him say over the intercom in my ear "After the second song he will attack" said Emily "he will not stand idly by" "As soon as you do something we will stop it" I said moving a little closer to the stage and closer to the range of vision of (Y / N).

She danced, sang, ran through the room with a timing and harmony unmatched by any of the previous participants. Once it was over, I could hear Penelope yelling and clapping with all of us, it had really been impressive, I had never heard her sing.

"WOW!" I said surprised "What ..." "Thank you all!!!! That was fun, ”she said smiling and laughing; she started talking about the last song, there was something in her voice that she couldn't decipher. Desperately searching her gaze, she wanted to understand what she meant by everything she was saying, until ... "I dedicate it to ...".

Me…

With a few gentle movements on the keyboard, she began to sing. With every word she said, that came out of her mouth, my world was collapsing. I shouldn't have told her about Kiara, what's more, I shouldn't have dated her, my whole being belonged to (Y / N), my heart, my mind, everything. Tears began to flow from my eyes as soon as I heard the last verse and our eyes finally met among the entire sea of people.

“Why can't we be like that? Wish we could be like that”

The kiss… our first kiss… was the only thing I could think about right now. I told him it was a mistake and I convinced myself that it was just that, a simple mistake, an impulse of stupidity. I wanted to reach out and kiss her again, tell her that that kiss made me realize that I loved her.

"YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE"

Cameron put his arm around his neck and pointed his gun at his head, while we took aim at him and Hotch, Rossi, and Garcia pulled all the customers out of Joey's bar. We started talking to him and we had the "plan" to try to come to terms, but he kept saying that she hurt him, left him to pieces and things like that, he was really OBSESSED with (Y / N) and had no intention of letting her go. I could see she was up to something to get out of her mooring, I panicked realizing she wasn't going to get out of this unscathed once she started talking to her about Si Me Falta Tu Mirada, one of her favorite songs by the Italian band. Il Volo.

“Tengo en pausa el corazón, abrazado a nada, aferrado a nada… tengo ciega la ilusión, ya no hay mañana...” 

Cameron started to drop her, we kept pointing; I managed to get (Y / N) to look at me and I felt my blood freeze when I could read that her lips said "I'm sorry"

"NO!"

Everything happened in slow motion. Three shots rang out: one from David's gun, the other two… from Cam's gun. I held her up before she hit the floor with a wound to the pit of her stomach and one to her chest.

“AGENT DOWN! SEND AN AMBULANCE! " I heard JJ say over the communicator.

“Please, stay with me (Y / N), stay with me” pressing to stop the bleeding “Hey, you'll be alright. Just… stay with me, ok? " "S ... Spence ..." closing her eyes "Open your eyes ... do not close them" "I ..." she started coughing letting a trickle of blood run from the corner of her mouth "Save your strengh, the ambulance is on it's way ..." she only smiled and closed her eyes saying i love you ... "Nonononono, please no !!!" putting a hand on her cheek "(Y / N) please, wake up, open your eyes"

"The ambulance is here !!" I felt someone screaming and grabbing my shoulders away from her when the paramedics approached. "Spence, she’ll be…" "I'm going with her" I said decided "Derek, I'm ..."

"We're loosing her!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 3rd POV’s

"We're loosing her!"

His world came to a complete stop when she heard that phrase: we are losing her. Derek and Emily took Spencer by the shoulders to slow him down as they tried to get into the ambulance with Penelope and Rossi. We are losing her. Losing ... if they didn't get to the hospital on time ...

Spencer was in automatic mode, she got into the truck covered in blood, her blood.

Derek climbed up with Emily and they started for the hospital. Her gaze was on the window, repeating the scene over and over again in her mind: her eyes were no longer full of life, her face pale as snow, her smile, her voice ... everything about her was fading.

"We're here" he heard and got out of the car almost running to later meet JJ and Hotch, who were already with Rossi and Penelope.

"How’s she? She’s ok? " Spencer said in a whisper "She is in surgery," Rossi mentioned, observing him carefully, "they will try to stabilize her." "Will they try?" while he sat between them with teary eyes and moving her leg "She lost too much blood"

Time passed slowly once the agonizing wait began. JJ, Derek and Rossi practically forced Spencer to get up to wash up and change the shirt he was wearing.

"I know what you're thinking" said Rossi taking a clean T-shirt out of his travel bag "it's not your fault, none of us knew that she would do that" "Nor that Cameron would shoot" Derek put a hand on his shoulder "I know it will be fine" "The last thing she said to me before closing her eyes was 'I love you'" closing his and crying "and I couldn't tell her" "Hey, she's going to get out of this and you'll tell her" Rossi said, standing in front of him next to Derek "and..." “Guys, the doctor’s here” the three of them ran after Hotch to find Dr. Yennefer Silva talking to the rest of her teammates.

"We managed to stabilize her, the chest wound was slight, the ribs managed to stop the impact ..." reviewing her papers "at the moment she is in the intensive care room until she wakes up ..." looking at them all "Can we see it?" Penelope said grabbing her bag "if that ..." "Sure, but only two persons at time" he finally said to guide them to the room where he was (Y / N)

Their gazes began to blur when they saw her on the bed. Pale skin, weak breathing, cables and machines around her, the sound of her heartbeat was the only thing that filled the ears of her friends.

The first to pass were Hotch and Rossi, then JJ and Emily, Derek and Penelope, and finally Spencer, who stared behind the glass for a few minutes trying to gather the courage to enter with (Y / N).

"Guys ..." before entering "did any of you record the song?" almost in a whisper “Yes, I did. I'll send it to you now ”Penelope said and then saw that she slowly entered the room and sat next to her.

Once with her, he took her hand caressing it with his thumb and little by little his eyes began to water again. He felt helpless, anguished, full of fear.

* Come on Spencer, it's now or never. It doesn't matter if she listens to you or not, if you have to repeat it again. You have to tell her that you love her, that Kiara is like a sister, no romanticism ... don't be a coward *

"20% of unconscious patients after surgery or induced in a coma can hear what the other person next to them says, since their brain still has a minimal functional consciousness. I hope you are part of that 20%, although I would not mind repeating it again "he said with a small laugh" what I meant by that is ... that I need to tell you something very important to me and I want you to know it. " he paused for a bit before continuing "remember ... when I said I was dating Kiara? Well… she confessed that she had feelings for me… at first I felt happy, then confused and overwhelmed, I told her that my heart belonged to another person with whom I had a very special bond ” a lump came to his throat before move on with his confession “that person is someone I started working with 1095 days, 4 hours and 20 seconds ago, who makes me laugh with his silly little jokes, who loves coffee, books, classical music and Queen so much like me." * Don't be a coward, say so. Do it at once !!!!!! * “It's you (Y / N). Your personality, your voice, your simplicity, intelligence, the joy that you radiate in each room you enter, your smile… all that and more was what made me realize that you are perfect for me. I'm in love with you. I love you more than anything in this world "on his cheeks he felt the tears that since he entered had been containing" I wish you were not in this state, I would give everything to go back in time and have avoided all this "he took out his phone, checked her messages without letting go of her hand and she found the video that she had asked Penelope for "the song ... the song you wrote made me realize that I am a great stupid, how much I hurt you when I told you about Kiara, how much I love you…"

The hours passed and he did not move from her side at any time. It played the song over and over at a low volume so that he could listen to it without having to be shut up by the passing nurses.

"Hey, Spence, why don't you go rest and eat a little, I'll stay with her" “Don't worry JJ. I'm not hungry." She said almost in a whisper. "Are you sure?" "Yes ..." JJ sat on the other side looking at her; her skin stopped being pale and began to acquire a little more color "I think in a few more hours she will wake up, she is no longer pale" her friend just looked at her "Emily told us she wrote that song on the jet" "If I had spoken before, none of this would be happening" still crying "it's my ..." Interrupting “Don't say that. She will wake up and they can be together "getting up and letting Rossi sit once they stopped talking to the doctor to let them all in" she is strong, she will get out of this, I know Reid "

A slight grip on her hand made her look away, she was waking up. Her heart was beating millions per second, the love of her life was fine! A smile crossed his lips when he saw her open her eyes.

"Hey guys" she said smiling and hoarse voice "Hey little kid" Rossi took her hand "you gave us a big scare" "You were brave trying to get Cameron to put down the gun" Derek stood at the foot of the stretcher "(Y / N / N) !!" Pen said entering with Emily "Oh God !!! I'm glad you woke up !!! " giving him a little hug "Guys, we should go to see the doctor and tell her that she's awake" said Hotch smiling at Reid

"Hey" said (Y / N) once everyone left "Hey ..." taking her hand again "I thought ... I would never see you again" "Spencer" wiping one of her tears "I would never leave your side" "(Y / N) I ... ammm ... I would like to tell you something" "I heard everything" leaving him speechless "R... really?" "Yes" as she tried to sit up with her help "and I must admit I feel silly to have been jealous of Kiara" feeling her cheeks burn Spencer let out a small laugh “So… after you are discharged… do you want to go out for coffee? I know a small bookstore with a cafeteria near my apartment that I had never told you about " "I accept" he said smiling and laughing; she paused when noticing how close they were to each other "Spence ..." "Shh ... don't say anything" and then press his lips next to hers.

The world stopped for a few moments. They looked forward to that kiss, it was as if the sun and the moon collided in a perfect eclipse of the sun on an autumn afternoon.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD" they both turned to see Penelope along with everyone standing at the door. They both let out a small laugh and we looked at them smiling.

"I guess they should make it official, right?" Hotch said entering with everyone and congratulating them both.

----------------------------------------------------

[chemiste]

Foresight ~ ch.3

a/n : here’s chapter 3 :)

masterlist

A couple cheers were thrown from people.

Mr. Azoff twiddled his fingers together for a moment then stood up, “Great! Let’s get Hélène to take a couple pictures of you with the band that can be posted later tonight on Harry’s story and also get you a tour shirt! We’ve got to make it seem like you’ve known him forever right? Get to chatting in the dressing room and I’ll find our photographer.” Jeff zipped out the room with the other crew hot on his tail.

Maggie exited first and told you she was going to find the bathroom, which left you and H to walk the dressing room.

“Thank you, for this.” You spoke up, smiling to the man before you. “I know it must be a lot of work to cover for me but I really appreciate it.” “I know what it’s like to be pressured to tell eve’yone something you’re not ready for the world t’ know and ‘m happy I could protect you from it.” The statement was endearing, but made you a bit sad for the boy walking alongside you.

 He never got to do stupid teenager things without the media breathing down his neck, you thought somberly as you both approached the dressing room.

Before he could open the door, you put your hand on his arm and in a quiet voice said to him, “I’m sorry about the pressure you face from the public, it’s not fair to you or anyone associated with you. But, I want you to know that your strength made it easier for me to make this decision. I’m glad you’re the celebrity I fell into an E!News scandal with.”

Harry laughed at your jab to the article and pulled you in for a hug. “Thank you Y/N,” he mumbled into your hair that his face was buried in.

You both entered the dressing room and were met with the other band members. Sarah smiled when you came in and stood up to give you a hug, “Hey Y/N, sorry about all the commotion but we’re happy to have another girl on the trip with us!”

The door opened and Jeff came in with a pink TPWK sweatshirt. “Here,” he wanted it to you, “you can wear this during the show and stand either in the pit again, or balcony, or where I think would be best, the side of the stage.” “Why?” You asked as you quickly slipped your turtle neck off under the sweatshirt so you wouldn’t get too hot.

Thank god I didn’t get stuck like last time trying to do that.

“Because it will help sell the whole ‘long time friend’ thing for Harry, you can stand just a tiny bit in view during a couple songs so that fans take a picture to post seeing you here at another venue and then the speculation will go away.”

He then motioned to Harry, “You also need to follow her on Instagram and quickly, then after he does Y/N, you can answer a comment from someone asking about the follow thing and just say you didn’t want the public eye on you so much but now there’s no reason for him not to follow you, do you understand so far?”

You nodded and Jeff seemed satisfied.

He clasped his hands together, “Alright, Harry you need to change and get hair and makeup done—” “only hair!” “—and then it’s time to rock and roll.” Y/N, just follow Hélène out once Mabel ends and she’ll show you where to stand.” The manager left and Harry was circled by dressing assistants and his hairstylist/makeup artist.

As he was being pulled away he turned to you, “Hey where’s your friend…” “Maggie.” “Yeh, where’s Maggie?”

You moved to get comfy on the couch as he was forced into the makeup chair. “She’s in a hallway 3 hallways down from us, but in about 4 minutes and 23 seconds she’ll come through the door saying something about the bathroom being too far away from the dressing room.” You said causally, keeping eye contact with the British heartthrob through the mirror.

He looked forward to his own reflection and mumbled, “that’s so cool.”

Exactly 4 minutes and 23 seconds later, Maggie comes bursting through the door exclaiming, “Famous people use the dressing room! Why is the bathroom so far away from it! Terrible terrible I tell you!”

Harry and you both made eye contact as she threw a mini tantrum and then bursted out in laughter. Maggie stood there clueless, “What’s so funny? Guys? Stop laughing— guys!”

You could hear the thunderous screams as you followed Hélène to where you’d be standing. Maggie tagged along as well but was told to not step out into view with you or else they’d have another scandal and didn’t want to deal with it.

“Here we are!” She announced over the crowd to you, from your spot on the stage you could see the rubric’s cube on the screen above and the first few rows of fans at the barricade.

Hélène motioned for you two to come closer to her, “If you get tired of standing, there’s to fold out chairs over there. Y/N, step out a little after Harry asks for lighting in the crowd, this is will help them notice you a bit. I’ve got to get in position but I’ll see you girls after!”

You gave the photographer a thumbs up and she ran out to take the beginning shots of the crowd. Maggie squealed next to you, “This is so cool! We get to see him right in front of us!” “We were in front last time though Mags.” “Yes, yes but this time we’re on the stage!! It’s like our personal booth at an opera!”

Before you could respond, Only Angel started to play and the crowd really cheered then. You watched in awe as the screen lifted and there stood Harry Styles.

The songs were spectacular just like last time, you danced with Maggie and sang to your heart's content. It was great to watch Harry from this angle, you could see the joy in his face from all the smiles he was receiving.

“Can we get the lights up ’n ‘ere?” He asked into the microphone, you knew this was your ‘moment’ to shine. You gave a quick look to Mags who gave you a thumbs up.

Then, little by little, you shuffled into the direct eyesight of the crowd, still on the side of the stage. You lean on the wall to try and relax.

Y/N come on, look like you’re here for your friend and that’s your only concern!

With that thought in mind, you allowed your body to relax and enjoy watching the poster interact with fans. You’d always thought of him as a pretty chill celebrity but looking at him now, you could see how much he appreciated his fans and it was humbling.

Click! Click!

Flash!

Click!

Tiny bursts of light started appearing in your peripheral vision, you turned your head slightly to see a couple people had taken notice to your presence.

This is good Y/N, keep calm, everything is falling into place correctly.

“Y/N! Y/N! How do you know Harry Styles?!!” Shouts at you started to attract more attention away from Harry who was talking to the opposite side of the crowd and over to you.

Oh no, this is a bit much now. You looked up to Harry with a startled expression as you saw him watching the crowd looking to wear people were pointing.

You both made eye contact and he smiled with a tip of his head. “alrigh’ alrigh’, quit your whinin’. That’s m’ friend Y/N in case yeh were wonderin’ ya snoops.”

You let out a big breath as the crowd laughed with him, you mouthed thank you to him and he tipped his head in your direction.

“Let’s start another song shall we?”

Watching the finale song was very energizing, harry was giving it his all and the crowd was eating it up. Once it ended, the band took a bow and started to head off stage in your direction.

A sweaty Harry came darting right at you and with no time to react, he picked you up and swung you around. There’ll definitely be pictures of that on social media.

“You were fantastic Harry!” Maggie said as he put you down and started to walk back to the dressing room with everyone else. You followed alongside him with Mags and she continued to gossip about the whole concert.

“Did you see the girl in the front with the pink hair?! It was so cute when you sang medicine she turned to the girl next to her and confessed her love for her!! They kissed and everything, it was like a movie moment! And then—“

You zoned out Maggie’s rambling to glance at the rockstar next to you, even dripping sweat he still looked effortlessly handsome.

Stop that right now, no thought’s about licking the sweat from his brow or—hey! No-one of that Jess!

You shook your head and returned to the conversation at hand as you entered the dressing room. Celebratory cheers engulfed the room as Harry entered. Mitch and Sarah had a champagne bottle which they popped and dispersed into paper cups.

Once the cups were passed out, Harry lifted his into the air. “Here’s t’ new friends and a killer performance!” Everyone let out a cheers! and took a drink.

You chatted with Maggie for a bit before you heard your phone ringing on the table in front of you.

I must have left it here during the show. You went to grab it and saw a bunch of missed calls from your mother. Oh Lucy… What? You clicked call back and left the room to speak in the quiet hallway.

“Y/N? Y/N! Oh my gosh we were so worried—“ “Mom! What’s wrong? What about Lucy?” “Darling, she called us while we were out gardening and I only listened to the voicemail she left but she’s sounded confused! She said you were trending—“

“Trending.” You said at the same time as your mother. “Yes— what does that mean sweetheart?!”

You loved your parents, but they were a bit behind with technology slang. “Mom everything is fine, I’m sorry I haven’t called you sooner a lot has been going on.” “Like what Y/N?”

You took a breath, “You know texted you about the concert Mag’s Dad got us tickets to?” “Mhm” “Well, I uh, knew somethings that I shouldn’t because of my psych stuff—“ “Y/N! diD YOU GET ARRESTED?!” “wHAT!—No mother!! I did not get arrested!” A few interns that had been passing by gave you a strange look but continued on, you whispered into the phone.

“Basically I knew lyrics to a song that hadn’t been released and to keep the internet from exploding and my secret getting out, the singer has graciously let me tour with him for some shows.” “And when did you think you were going to tell me this young lady?!” “I’m sorry mom! Everything has just been so hectic that I forgot.”

A deep sigh came from the other side of the phone, “And they’re doing this to protect your special skill?” “Mhm, they are momma.” “Well, alright, what band is it anyway—“ “It’s Harry Styles.” “Styles? Wasn’t that the boy in that small band called wrong direction?”

You stifled a laugh, “One Direction, and they broke up a while ago.” “Really? Oh dang, I thought they had so much potential.” “They did have— oh never mind, I’m going to need to transfer my poetry and photography class online, and get more clothes oh god I didn’t think about clothing.”

“I can pack a couple extra suitcases to be sent over but where would they need to go and I don’t know how to get them to you.”

“Okay, I’ll ask Harry’s manager about. I love you mom but I’ve got to get back to Mags and pack up for tomorrow.”

“Alright, we’re sending our love to you!”

After hanging up, you thought about the clothing situation. I mean, I have my checked suitcase with about 15 outfits (thanks to Maggie’s insistence) but it would be nice to have some nicer stuff since I’ll be with a top list celebrity for the next month so… hmm.

You went back to the dressing room to find everyone packing up to go back to the hotels to get ready for the 5am wake up tomorrow.

Maggie walked up to you with a goodie bag of merch over her shoulder. “Ready to go?” You nodded and headed to the door. “See you guys later!”

Various versions of bye were voiced to you. As you walked down the hallway, Jeff came out of a different room. “Oh, Y/N great I caught you before you left. I’ll email you where to meet tomorrow, be there at 4am or a bit before since we want to get a move on.”

“Alright, oh one thing, my mother wanted to have a suitcase sent over for me with some more clothes?” He nodded and pulled his phone out, “here, put her email in and I’ll sent an intern in the area to pick it up tonight to be shipped over in time.”

Your eyes widened at his casualness to get something shipped abroad for you. You typed in her email address to his phone, “Thank you so much!” He bid you adieu and you girls took a cab back to the hotel.

“I’m sorry I’m leaving you two days before you’ve got to go home. You sure you don’t want me to ask if you can tag along?”

You said to Mags from your sprawled out spot on the bed across from her as she put her clothing back into her luggage.

“No worries girl! I’m gonna meet up with dad in Germany and have some Dad and Daughter time.” She zipped the bag up and put it on the ground and crawled into bed. “It’ll be good honestly, we haven’t had time together in a while.”

You smiled at your best friend, happy that the weird situation you were in wasn’t leaving her stranded. Maggie reached up and turned out the lamp.

“Good night Y/N.”

“Night Mags.”

ding ding ding! bing! ding bing! ding!

One of your arms wiggled out from under the covers to turn your alarm off. You let out a quiet groan and got up from the comfy bed.

You had been smart and wore what you were gonna wear on the bus to bed so you didn’t need to change. You had on high leggings and the pink sweatshirt from last night over a tank top in case you got hot.

Making sure you didn’t disturb Maggie until you were to say goodbye, you headed into the bathroom and closed the door quietly before fumbling your hand on the wall to find the light switch. You went pee and brushed your teeth, then did your skincare routine and put your hair up out of your face.

As you packed up the stuff you had left out for the morning you saw your eyelash curler at the bottom of your compact bag.

Might as well.

You curled your eyelashes a few times so you didn’t look too horrible for 5am but honestly would blame you?

You left the bathroom and put the last few remanned things in your suitcase and zipped it shut before pulling the handle out. Grabbing your phone and wallet from the table, you unplugged the charger and shoved it into your backpack before putting your tennis shoes on and going over to Mags.

“Hey, I’ve got to go now but I love you and I’ll see you soon kay?” The brunette rolled over to face you and gave a sleepy smile, “I love you Y/N, have fun.”

You gave her a quick kiss on the nose, “Love you too Mags.”

Then with one last sweep of the room to make sure you hadn’t left anything, you grabbed your bags and left.

ch. 4

<3

masterlist

[pirlaemeritus]

First Ritual Experience: taint tickling in Mantova.

Two days ago I finally got the chance to see Ghost live for the first time. I had such a great night, it was really an outstanding concert, which I had been waiting for for months, so I was super excited about it. My boyfriend offered to come with me to Mantova (Italy) to see them, and it was really nice of him, since 1) he had never heard of Ghost before, and 2) Mantova is about a 3 hour drive from where we live. I was a little afraid that he would have gotten bored, since he didn’t know any of the songs or anything about Ghost in general, so I tried to give him something to listen to, to see if he liked it. Though he fell in love with Prequelle, going to a Ritual was still a pretty daunting experience for him, but I really appreciate that he came with me anyways. 

We both ended up having a great time! He was really curious about all the lore around the Cardinal, the Papas and the Ghouls and I did my best to explain to him without sounding like too much of a dork or a weird ass cult member. But besides of this, I was excited to see what reaction could a full Ghost concert cause on someone like him. Therefore, I collected all the best moments from the Ritual, as a kind of a social experiment (?), but also because I don’t want to forget any of them. 

Here we go:

- before going to the show, he saw me putting on makeup and asked me to help him apply some eyeliner, saying “I already have enough dark circles to look like the cardinal, I might as well copy his look properly”.

- when the lights turned on at the beginning of the concert, he didn’t notice the presence of the Ghouls at first, because they were standing still on the stage and got scared when they started moving around because he had no idea they were there.

- when Copia came out on the stage with the red suit on, the first thing he noticed was literally his thiccness, saying that “it’s just not fair”.

- “Is... is he trying to finger the microphone stand?”

- he felt sorry for Aether when Dew started bullying him and called Dew “a mean grasshopper”.

- he kept asking me where the female choir voices were coming from, and when I pointed out the presence of the Ghoulettes (they were kind of far from us, and you couldn’t really see that their masks were different), he was absolutely astonished to find out that there were also girls in the group.

- we were not close to the stage enough to see Copia kneeling down to Cirice someone, so I decided to be a romantic dork and Ciriced my boyfriend. I’m sure I’m not half as charming as Copia or Papa III, but I swear I have never seen anyone looking both so flustered and confused at the same time. It was absolutely adorable.

- he screamed “YES GRANDPA!” during Nihil’s saxophone solo. He had no idea who Nihil was before this.

- when Copia came on the stage wearing the white suit, he claimes he looked “unsettling yet charming”. I’m pretty sure the Cardinal would have appreciated.

- he saw the Plague Doctors roaming on the stage before Dance Macabre started and with the most serious voice, he said “Amazing. I guess we’re going to die”.

- he took a shit ton of pictures during Dance Macabre’s performance, because of the rainbow-colored lights, which he said fitted with everything that I had ever told him about Ghost.

- since he had never heard Year Zero before, he was totally not expecting the crowd to explode screaming “HAIL SATAN!” , and after trying to get over the shock, he stated “My grandma would be so proud”.

- he got scared by the pyrotechnic stage effects and said “I could feel my eybrows catch fire, how are they not dead yet”.

- “I have never met this Sister Imperator that you keep talking about, but she sounds terrifying”.

- he had the most confused look during Copia’s speech about taint tickling, ass wobbling and nipples in general, but he kept laughing as well, so I guess it’s not a bad thing.

- (Referring to Copia)  “I love that he’s so obsessed with nipples. I want to have a conversation with him”

- during Kiss The Go-Goat, he asked me what Dewdrop and Aether could be bickering about, and when I told him about the meaning of the song, he said he would definitely go for Aether, since “that other one looks like the spawn of Satan”.

- he hugged me super thight during He Is. I don’t really have a reason to add this moment to the list, but I want to share it anyways, because it felt so special to me.

- when I introduced him to every band member, I told him to keep an eye on Swiss, since he is so fun to look at when he’s performing. After a while, he stated that he’s “a little slutty, but like, in a really intimidatory way” and I guess he’s right.

- he was super hyped up for the Ghoulettes, and screamed “YOU GO BEYONCE!” during Mummy Dust’s keytar solo. I honestly don’t know what he was trying to say, but I appreciate the enthusiasm.

- he was really sad that I wasn’t able to catch the guitar pick that Aether threw at us (it hit my arm and fell on the floor, but the guy that was next to me picked it up before I could find it), so after the concert was over, he went around the pit, trying to find something else. He ended up finding two Ghost dollars, which made me really happy.

- after we had come back from the concert venue to our hotel, he kept looking at his own butt in the mirror and asked me if I will ever love him as much as I love Copia, even if he’s not as thicc as he is.

- when I told him about how, according to the lore, Sistor punched Nihil and gave him and his sons a white eye, he nodded and said “If she’s badass around to fuck up your genetics, you know it’s going to be a damn strong marriage”

I guess that’s it! I’m sure there are a lot of things that I forgot to add, but this is everything that I can list off for now! I’m so glad that my boyfriend enjoyed the show as much as I did, it was nice to see the ritual from a different perspective. I am also super grateful to him for choosing to come with me, and I’m so happy to hear that he had fun too. We had an amazing night in Mantova, and I can’t wait to see another Ghost concert as soon as possible!

[angelicspaceprince]

Dewey x Crafter Reader Headcanons

Ive fallen down a rabbit hole of crafting and I can't get up. Help me. I write hcs to help save my soul

I'll also edit when I have computer access so then there is a read more button or whatever they're called, I can't find it on mobile

Wrote directly onto the tumblr app so if there are any mistakes that's why. No betas, we die by our spelling and grammar mistakes here

You were a crafter before you met Dewey, having taken up most crafts by the time you were 17

Sewing, needlepoint, embroidery, cross stitch, knitting, crocheting

You'd experimented with them all and even though each one had its merits, you definitely had your favourites

Then life happened. You had to start working, unable to attend college, and soon you had no time to craft. If you were awake, you were working

Mostly low paying jobs to cover rent, bills etc, taking on as many shifts as possible

It was actually during one of your shifts you met Dewey

You started working at a local music shop, mostly serving and organising CDs when a very excited Dewey rocked up, wanting to find the newest release for one of his favourite bands

You got to talking and realised that you had similar music tastes and, even though you really wanted to get to know him more, you had to remain professional. You were still on the clock

Luckily for you, however, you were invited to go see a group of local bands performing to celebrate your friend's birthday

You recognized Dewey the moment he stepped on stage and was in awe at his musical skill

You figured it'd be weird to go up to him and start talking because a) if he didn't recognize you then having a stranger come up to you and say that you remembered him from work would be odd and b) if he DID recognize you from work that'd be even odder

You didn't want to give off stalker vibes, so you stayed at the bar, content just to leave it

Dewey, however, saw you in the crowd and had a different plan in mind

Still riding the adrenaline high from being on stage, he walked straight up to you

"I don't know if you remember me, bu-"

"I remember you."

"Oh."

You both blushed heavily as you shift in your seat. "Drink?" You offered. "I....I liked talking to you earlier, I'd like to talk some more."

Dewey positively beamed at that, sitting down next to you as you effectively start ignoring your friend's birthday party celebrations in favour of talking to the man in front of you

The rest, as they say, was history

You ended up dating pretty quickly after you first met, moving in with each other after only dating for 6 months

It was an accident, you had your power cut off (again) and it was the middle of winter. Dewey offered you a warm place to stay temporarily and after 4 weeks of looking for a new apartment, he just said "you're already living here, just move in with me."

It made things easier, now there were two people contributing to bills

Rent was never paid in full, but something was always sent in

Patty wasn't impressed by that but Ned wasn't as fussed, just happy to have something coming in

It helped that he really liked you and felt that you were a good fit for Dewey

Even though things still remained tough, you were happy just to have a roof over your head and someone who loved you

When Dewey started working for Horace Green, things became easier

Bills were paid with his paycheck, yours became groceries and fuel money

Even then, for the first time in a long time, you had spare cash

Most went into savings but being able to afford your own Netflix account? Felt amazing

Despite having a bit of extra money, some habits were hard to break.

You rarely bought clothing from anywhere but thrift stores and Walmart, Dewey prefering Walmart but essentially doing the same thing

Unfortunately, that meant the clothing you had bought wasn't always the best of quaility, especially when Dewey was the one wearing it

Just the nature of his jumpy, clutzy, accident prone and slightly messy self meant you were constantly buying him new shirts and mending his sweater vests

To be honest, it was getting old

You'd also been missing crafting for a while so. Two birds, one stone

The next time you were in Walmart alone, you grabbed yarn and knitting needles and on the few days a week you were home alone, slowly you started to knit him some new sweater vests, using an old one that was beyond repair as the template to make sure each one fit

The first one was just a plain, fadded red to get yourself back into practice before slowly beginning to add simple designs similar to the few he owned now

Then a couple of weird themed ones, a couple of his favourite bands, one with music notes in the design, one that was birthday themed, one with mini guitars, whatever amused you and you thought would amuse him, you knitted onto the sweater

Each vest took three weeks to make. By the time his birthday came around, you had made him ten new vests, having kept it a secret the entire time

You were super nervous when he opened up his present, but the giant smile on his face was worth it, excited with the concert tickets you managed to get for the two of you (in the pit, of course) and with each new sweater, he got more and more excited

"These are amazing babe! Where did you get them?" He asked as he got up to try his favourite (the one with a replica of his Gibson knitted around the bottom) on

You go quiet. "I....uh.....I made them."

He looked over at you like you just admitted you had found a cure for cancer

You'd neglected to tell him of your crafting past, it never came up so you never said

Now, however, he was keen to see you craft

He never even dared to try it out for himself, but enjoyed watching you knit or crochet without looking at your work, watching TV or chatting to Dewey as you just continued to work

Every year, he got at least two sweaters from you, and you made sure to knit a sensible one and a silly one

What amazed you was the fact that Dewey seemed to have fewer accidents

He took extra special care of all of the stuff you make him, never spilling so much as a drop of coffee on them and tried his best not to get them snagged on the one sharp part of the doorway into his office

One day he came home, nearly in tears

You were folding up laundry but you dropped everything and came rushing over, thinking the absolute worst but instead he simply pushed something into your hands and said "I'm so sorry"

Turns out, he took off his vest when he came in to play a song with the kindergartners, something he now does daily as part of his role as music teacher

He didn't notice one of the kids grabbing it and wandering off with it

It was covered in paint, one of the Gibsons were cut out and the yarn was beginning to unravel, despite clear attempts to keep it from doing so

It was ruined

You hush Dewey as you pull him close and reassure him it's ok, you can make him another one

It took a while to settle him, he treasured everything you made him and he allowed one to get ruined

But once you assured him it was fine and you knew it was an accident, you ended up spooning in the couch as you mentally start planning the new sweater

A month passed when he found a wrapped up parcel on his desk

He was running late, didn't have time to grab a coffee and accidentally grabbed his vest with a massive hole in the back rather than one of your handcrafted ones

Still, he made it to the classroom before any students arrived, so he quickly opened it up and a huge smile plastered its way onto his face

A new sweater vest that was near identicle to his ruined one, a bit cleaner and better designed than the old one

You'd also made him a pair of socks, something you'd been experimenting with, with the AC/DC logos on the side

He found the note at the bottom 'Hope you have a good day. I love you. Y/N. P.S. These are not allowed near the kindergartners ❤'

He quickly changed into the sweater, feeling so much better than he did 5 minutes ago

The socks became his lucky socks and he'd wear them to his gigs, stating that it was like you were up there with him

He shushed you when you pointed out that it meant he was technically stepping on you, telling you "you know what I mean" before giving you a kiss

He'd give you requests for scarves, beanies, the lot. Socks were for bed or performances only, apparently, but everything else was worn whenever

You even made beanies and scarves for members of the band who wanted them, each having the School of Rock logo on it plus the kid's name

Dewey loves wearing and telling everyone about the stuff you make because he thinks it's absolutely incredible you're able to create something like this

And he treasures everything you make him

Most importantly, he's there to listen when you rant that the yarn isn't working like it should, or just about crafting problems in general, and be an ear as you problem solve an issue and is there to celebrate the victories when it finally works

Gets really good at yarn shopping too, picks up the brands you prefer and learns to read the packaging labels

Just

He loves the fact you can create something just like he can

[let-me-love-you-loki]

Out Too Late (Nick)

A/N: I’ve never been to an FOB concert, but not for lack of trying, so I’ve mismashed a few things. The songs specifically referenced in the story are Phoenix, A Little Less Sixteen Candles, Sugar We’re Going Down, and I Slept with Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got was A Song Written About me. 

   “I still don’t know how you convinced him to go,” Matt said as he changed RJ’s diaper on the changing table. “He hates Fall Out Boy.”

           “You know, you two aren’t the only ones who can grin and bat your eyes and get your way,” I replied, leaning against the door frame.

           Matt laughed and hoisted our freshly changed son up onto his hip. “He’s going to complain all night, you know that, right?” He let RJ get a hold of his finger and bounced him back and forth. “Dada’s going to be grumpy when he gets home tonight.”

           I leaned over and kissed the top of RJ’s head. “Dada will get over it.” Matt’s dark eyes watched me as I smiled up at him. Every time I saw him with one of our kids… I couldn’t help but fall in love with him all over again. It was such an easy thing, giving him my heart over and over again. He curled his fingers around the back of my neck, drawing me close and pressing his lips against mine in a sweet, lingering kiss.

           “Go have fun, Mama,” he said a moment later, his smile making his cheeks round in that wonderfully adorable way. “I’ve got the kids handled.”

***

           The arena was loud in the concourse as we walked through toward our seats, fingers threaded together. Nick had the brim of his ball cap pulled low. I grinned as we went down the steps toward our floor-level seats.

           “Are you afraid someone’s going to see you,” I teased, reaching up to tip the brim up.

           He scowled down at me, though his blue eyes were playful. “I’m afraid I’m going to see me. Seriously, Y/N, you couldn’t have picked AC/DC or something? Hell… Fozzy. I’d pay money to see Jericho’s vanity band rather than see this.”

           I rolled my eyes. “You aren’t here to enjoy the music, Nick. You’re here to enjoy having some fun with your wife.”

           Nick sighed, his lips tipping upward. “When you put it that way…”

***

           The seats we’d gotten were pretty good—third row center. The opening act was a local band that I’d never heard of, but they were talented. Nick spent almost the entire opening set on his phone, alternating between texting Matt about the kids and watching NBA ticket. I wanted to be frustrated with him, but I couldn’t. The truth was, I was getting bored waiting for the band we’d come to see.

           Half an hour later, the lights went down and the huge LED screen behind the stage lit up in throbbing black, red, and white lights. A red line skimmed over the bottom of the screen. On its second pass, it blipped like a heartbeat. With every pass, it got faster and faster. Stage lights came up as the arena filled with the sound of electric cellos and drums. The lights snapped back off, the sound swelling until it reached the ceiling.

           Time crawls on while you’re waiting for the song to start… the heartbeat line multiplied on the LED board… so dance alone to the… the lines peaked higher, blurring together… beat of your heart… a bright red heart throbbed on the screen. And then, a swirl of orange and yellow swallowed the heart, rising back in a burning bird.

           “Put on your war paint!” The stage lit up as the band appeared from beneath. I screamed and hopped to my feet, hopping back and forth as I danced to the tune.

           The first song sped by, bled into the second and the third. For a moment, I forgot that Nick was even there. I turned to check on him, and was surprised to find him standing beside me, eyes bright in the flashing lights, a half smile on his face.

           I leaned over and up onto my toes. He bent so I could scream in his ear. “You hate Fall Out Boy,” I reminded him.

           His hand settled on the small of my back as he put his lips to my ear. “But you love them,” he replied. “So I listen to them.”

           I pulled back and grinned up at him. My heart skipped a beat. I poked him in the chest. “You like them!”

           You can make all the moves, you can aim all the spotlights… Nick grinned and bounced on the balls of his feet, turning to face the stage, bass and drums thumping… She said, she said…

           “Why don’t you just drop dead!” he shouted, bobbing his head to the beat.

           I felt the smile spread over my face as I turned back toward the stage with him. He headbanged and threw up a too sweet into the air as he danced around. At the end of the song, Nick grinned down at me and grabbed me by the hand.

           “Come on,” he shouted into my ear. Then he tugged me down the line of our row. I went running, slipping and sliding and tripping behind him. He rushed toward the barricade at the front of the rows that separated the floor seats from the stage pit. People bounced and danced and screamed as the music swelled to deafening heights at the speakers.

           He grinned down at me and hopped the barrier, reaching back over and wiggling his fingers at me. I put my hands on his shoulders and let him pick me up by the waist. Before anyone could say anything about it, he had me by the fingers, tugging me into the throng of people, elbowing his way through fans dancing and singing at the top of their lungs.

           Nick cleared a space for us near the front of the pit, tight against the barricades at the foot of the stage. He grinned and threw another set of too sweets into the air. I grinned and laughed and bounced and danced at his side. I watched his blue eyes go bright as he tried—desperately but unsuccessfully—to sing the chorus of Sugar We’re Going Down.

           The lights went down and back up again, the show finally over. The encore had been a massively fun speed-demon of a song spree. Nick and I flowed out of the pit with everyone else, sprinting up the stairs to the concourse with adrenaline in our veins and smiles on our faces.

           “Thanks for coming, Nick,” I said, slipping my arm around his waist.

           “You’re welcome, Sunshine,” he said, kissing the top of my head. “Just don’t tell Matt I knew the words.”

***

           It was almost one when we pulled in and, surprisingly, the lights in Matt’s living room were still on. I saw Matt’s face appear at the window, RJ cradled against his shoulder. He waved one hand, gesturing for us to go on over to Nick’s place. I grinned and blew him a kiss, happiness slipping through me when he beamed back.

           Nick went into the kitchen while I went back to the master bathroom to take a quick shower. I slipped back into the living room in an old bullet club tee and a pair of sweatpants, damp hair hanging against my shoulders. Nick was stretched out on the sofa, a pint of moose tracks ice cream balanced on his stomach.

           He sat up, and I plopped down, tugging the back of his shirt until he settled back in with his head pillowed on my thigh. “Thank you again.”

           Nick’s blue eyes swept my face as he grinned. “I had fun,” he replied around the huge glob of ice cream he’d just eaten. “Just don’t tell Matt.”

           “Your secret’s safe with me.” I crossed my heart. “But only if you share that ice cream.”

           He gathered some on the spoon and held it up. Just before I got to it, he moved the spoon and popped it into his own mouth. I scowled. “You sneak!”

           His lips curved in a smile. He opened his mouth a little, so I could see the ice cream melting on his tongue. “Come get it,” he mumbled.

           “Gross,” I replied, even though I was grinning.

***

           “Come here,” Nick whispered in the dark. He gathered me in his arms and swept me against his chest, his nose brushing against my hair. I felt his lips skim along my forehead as his fingers brushed lightly up beneath my shirt. My skin tingled at his touch.

           He tipped my chin up, our lips meeting in a slow, languid sort of kiss. His palms smoothed along my back, every sweep pushing my shirt further up. Drawing away, Nick tugged my shirt off over my head and tossed it behind me as he dipped his head. His mouth traced the line of my throat, the dip of my collarbone, the soft swell of my breast. My fingers dug into his hair, scratching against his scalp, making him hum darkly against my flesh.

           His hand traced a line up the inside of my thigh. I shivered and pulled his mouth against mine as he pushed the edge of my panties aside. He ghosted the tips of his fingers along my flesh teasingly before parting my folds and circling my clit slowly.

           “Nick,” I whimpered against his mouth.

           Firecrackers skipped along my nerves as he slid one finger inside me, stroking my clit with his thumb. I sighed and rolled my hips and breathed in the scent of him as I held him against me. My heart skipped a beat in my chest as he added a second finger and curled them along that wonderful spot deep inside me. He picked up his pace, his breath coming in faint little pants against my throat.

           Every touch sent flashes of lightning through my limbs. I whimpered his name as he teased me to the point of near pain. That coil tightened in my stomach as he drove me toward an orgasm. I was there, teetering on the edge of it when he stopped, pulling his hand away and bringing it to his lips. I watched as he lapped at his fingers, sucking the taste of me from his skin.

           He dropped kisses along the curve of my throat. “Take those off and turn around,” he murmured, his voice deep and deliciously dark. I could feel the heat running over my face as I wiggled out of my underwear, all while keeping my eyes on Nick as he stripped off his shirt and kicked out of his sweatpants.

           Nick crawled up onto his knees and pulled me up against him, my back flush against his chest. He nipped the skin of my shoulder and smiled against my skin as his hand slipped down my belly and curled against my thigh, pushing my legs apart. I smiled at him over my shoulder as I leaned forward, bearing my weight on my elbows.

           He growled at the sight, his blue eyes going wild and slightly dangerous. Nick gripped my hips and pulled me back against him, his cock pressing into me slowly. A tremble ran through me as he stretched me open, pushing deep until he was buried as far as he could go. I focused on the feel of his skin against mine and the sound of his barely controlled breath as he gave me time to adjust.

           The second my hips began to writhe, he splayed his hands on the curve of my waist and rocked back, pulling almost all the way out of me before easing slowly and deliberately back in. Nick took his time, his rhythm deliberate and teasing and just this side of enough to give me the release I needed.

           “Nick…” I whimpered into the pillows, fisting my hands in the sheets. “Please…”

           He picked up his pace, moving faster and thrusting harder. I let out a whine of pleasure. Every stroke hit that perfect spot inside me, the coil in my center beginning to tighten painfully. Nick planted his hand in the center of my back, skimmed it up and tangled in my hair, pulling lightly. My back arched, his fingers circled my clit, and I fell apart.

           I panted into the pillows as I came, every inch of my body going warm and fuzzy. The pleasure drew out, every wave of sensation rebounding back stronger than before as Nick continued to thrust through my orgasm. My vision went blurry. Static buzzed in my ears.

           A moment later, Nick’s fingers dug into my hips, holding me tight against him. I sighed contentedly when I felt the warm throbbing inside me and then the feel of Nick’s fingertips along my spine.

***

           I propped my chin on my hand as I looked up at Nick a while later. He had one arm tucked behind his head, the other wrapped around my back. “You know, it’s kind of sad really.”

           Nick quirked a brow. “Well that hurts my ego.”

           “Oh that wasn’t sad at all,” I replied, grinning. “What’s sad is that I’m sleeping with both of the Young Bucks and I don’t even get a t-shirt.”

           He dropped his head back against the pillow and groaned. “I hate myself because I know that’s a Fall Out Boy reference.”

Tag List

@mox-made-me-do-it​ @lilred91​ @imagineall-the-fandoms​ @lakamaa12​ @waywardstrong​

[jawnjendes]

can’t see in the stormy weather | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

NOTE: this is NOT the new series. this is a one shot that takes place during the early stages of their relationship... you’ll find it in the Season 1 section of the masterlist :) 

goth gf playlist | masterlist

When Shawn asked me to make a playlist describing who I am, I almost threw myself back to California. I don't know what it is about people wanting to know things about me, but it's annoying. I detest it.

It's not like he made me a playlist full of sappy love songs. He just wanted to hear songs I identify with. That was borderline terrifying because Shawn is a musician. He lives and breathes music and analyzing lyrics and melodies. What's he going to think if he finds Halsey's "Without Me" or 5SOS's "Invisible?"

Oh yeah. I deeply project whatever bits of me I discover onto songs. Then I stick to those songs and keep them on repeat and I make sure no one knows about them because then people would know things about me. It's irrational and unrealistic but that's how my stupid brain works. Anyone who's ever known me needs to disappear! They can't have the luxury of knowing me and all my secrets! What the fuck would I do if Shawn and I broke up? I'd have to kill him, that's what.

"What, are you gonna kill me too if we stop being friends?" Stella asked. "Seriously, it's just a playlist. It doesn't have to be that deep."

"I told you what the prompt was, right?" I replied.

"Yeah. And that is because Shawn knows you don't verbally express yourself about… anything. So he gave you a different outlet."

Fuck, I thought I was the psychology major here.

Yes, it was easier to let Shawn in through ways where I didn't have to say things out loud and explicitly. I had to admit that. But he was still going to find out things I had yet to tell him. Important things apart from the anxiety and semi-regular therapy sessions.

"Why don't you just pick generic songs you like, and not the ones that reveal too much?" Stella suggested.

I scoffed. "I'm closed off, I'm not a liar."

"It's not lying. Everyone's favorite song means something. I was listening to Big Time Rush when I touched down on Toronto for the first time. Everytime I hear Boyfriend I think about how I successfully made it out of my parents' house."

As nice as that sentiment was, I couldn't bring myself to find ways around the prompt. I had to do what Shawn said: compile a bunch of songs that I feel represent who I am. Besides, making playlists is… really fucking fun.

~

It took an hour of adding, removing, and very specific placements, but I was happy about my playlist to the point where I was nervous. I sent the link to Shawn the next morning when I knew he was on the way to the gym. Figured he’d listen to it during his morning workout and get it overwith. But no.

No.

Basically, I’m a fool who forgets she’s dating a musician.

So here I was, thinking that Shawn would make of what he will about the songs I chose and we would never talk about it. Wow, was I fucking wrong. How did I not expect Shawn to want to know the why?

He was a little sneaky about it too. Shawn invited me over to his place after my classes, and why the fuck would I say no to that? Of course I went over, internally cursing myself for not shaving my legs the night before. He usually had the TV on and a steaming mug of chamomile ready for me whenever I came over no matter the circumstance. Today there was only tea, and a stupidly excited Shawn.

“We have music to listen to you today!” he said when he had me on his couch.

He knew I wouldn’t play dumb either. And because of the fact that I was looking at his stupid beautiful face, I couldn’t move away from this topic.

“Cool…” I said stiffly.

Jet Black Heart - Live

He pulled up the playlist, which I had titled with the black heart emoji, and hit shuffle. Completely going against the very intricate order I put each song in. He was surprised to hear an audience screaming at the first song, but he recognized the tune that came shortly after.

“Why’d you pick this one?” he asked, his arm going around the back of the couch, watching me with his stupid pretty eyes.

I chuckled. “It’s a goth joke! Everything about me is dark, even my heart!”

“And there’s a hurricane underneath it?” Shawn guessed. He really was going to pick apart the lyrics and apply them to me, huh? “Any reason why it’s the live version?”

The answer wasn’t anything too telling or cheesy. It was still hard to maintain eye contact as I explained. “Stella introduced me to this band. She dragged me to a 5SOS concert and now it’s our tradition to see them whenever they tour.”

“Is this your favorite song?”

“Live, yeah. It just reminds me of feeling so alive. Concerts are the only times I feel that way.”

Shawn grinned at the sentiment. He seemed happy with that answer and sang along to the rest of the song.

“And there’s your deep shit of the day,” I said when it ended.

“I want more.”

What I’m Made Of…

I felt a tiny pit in my stomach. I knew this song, and I knew that Shawn did not know this song. He was looking down at the album cover on his phone, thinking to himself. Then, he turned to me expectantly.

“So…?”

“Just enjoy the lyrics and the sick guitar solo.”

He was quiet for a minute. “Well, I do get your vibes from it. But you’re also reluctant to show me what you’re made of.”

I hesitated. “It’s uh, a battle song. I’ll fight someone for trying to forcibly take anything from me.”

“Like if somebody jumped you?”

“Physically, mentally, emotionally. Yeah.”

Again, silence. “You gonna fight me?”

I knew he was joking, and I cracked a grin. “Jury’s out.”

“Any reasoning behind this soundtrack?” He showed me the cover, and I internally tried not to panic.

I had plucked the song off the wrong album, and now Shawn knew I was a fan of a certain speedy blue creature.

So much for being cool and mysterious. I’m just a fucking nerd now.

“Nah, not at all,” I casually replied.

Honestly, I enjoyed this song. I love this song. Why else would it be on this playlist? But just this once, I wanted to skip to the next one.

And when the next one came, I wanted to skip again.

I Am… All of Me

“Do, do you kin a certain hedgehog?” Shawn asked, once again amused by the album cover.

“No…” I resisted rolling my eyes.

“This song definitely sounds like you. Tell me, am I dating a hedgehog?”

Suddenly, this felt less nerve wracking and more annoying. I sighed heavily.

“I thought you wanted to know more about me.”

He chuckled. “Hey, I’m trying. I’m interpreting all these songs in whatever way I can because you won’t explain them to me. Plus, this song is from a video game.”

“Did it occur to you that maybe I like the game this song came from? Maybe I casually like this whole franchise because-” I stopped myself upon seeing Shawn’s face light up, like he wanted me to go on.

But no, he made fun of me. This song is now void, and he will not get an answer.

“Because?” he coaxed.

“Because nothing.” I grabbed his phone out of his hand and skipped to the next song.

Without Me

“Oh, who hurt you?”

“You already know that story. Next!”

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)

I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.

Shawn looked at me for a moment, still trying to analyze the fuck out of my song choice. “I gotta say, I was expecting more goth music. You listen to a lot of mainstream artists.”

“There’s no rule saying I can’t. Mainstream artists are popular for a reason.”

“Touche. So why this song?”

“It’s what people think I am. Grumpy, bitter, always in black.”

"But that's not all you are." Shawn held his hand out to me, and I took it. He looked down at my chipped polish, running his fingers over my nails. "I mean, you are grumpy. Bitter? No, I'd say realistic. Always in black? Yeah, and you look beautiful all the time because you feel good in it."

That last part struck me. At least I didn't look odd to him. He didn't fall for the tough exterior I've built for myself. That little fact was both touching and terrifying.

"I know there's more to you than the way you dress yourself. It's why I like you so much." He grinned.

Cry With a Smile

"There's the goth metal you were looking for!" I exclaimed.

"Mm, your sense of belonging, as you put it. I know all about this already."

And he skipped to the next song.

A Little Too Much

Shawn perked up a little bit, a smile growing on his face. Then he looked at me, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Is that me?"

Now my cheeks burned. "Yeah. This song feels like a callout."

"Babe…" He was still smiling as he leaned in to cup my face and kiss my forehead.

"Yeah, can you believe? I get tired of being a hardass sometimes." I was only half joking.

Not a lot of people knew my deal with anxiety and depression, much less why they intensified over the last couple of years. The urge to tell Shawn everything was beginning to form in my throat but I kept pushing it down. He looked too happy, and I didn't want to bring that down.

"You don't have to be a hardass around me," he said sweetly. "Actually, please don't be a hardass around me, okay? Everyone has their limits."

Then, he skipped to the next song, because he was sick of his own voice.

Fist Bump

Shawn looked at me once again, a grin on his face. Here we go again.

“I’m noticing a trend here.”

“I like this franchise, okay?”

“Okay, kinnie.”

I rolled my eyes and sat back, scrolling on my phone to diffuse the frustration. What was the point if he was just going to make fun of me?

“Hey.” Shawn gently placed his hand over my phone, getting me to put it down. “I’m only kidding. You can laugh.”

My eyes narrowed.

“I’m serious! Look, maybe if you just tell me what these songs mean to you, I’ll understand better. Just give me a chance.”

His eyes didn’t show any bit of deceit… But that’s how they all are. And everytime, I’m always a fool. So I sighed and tried not to cringe at my own words.

“It’s lame… and stupid… and really stupid. But all those silly little video game songs? They…” I exhaled, and chipped at my nails. “You know I deal with… anxiety and everlasting sadness…”

“You mean depression?” Shawn corrected.

“Yeah, whatever,” I went on. “The world is full of some real shit, and, and the songs and the games…” I made a face and looked down. “They’re comforting.”

It was silent for a minute before a hand went and cupped my chin. I was met with Shawn’s eyes and glowing smile. But then he opened his mouth and the most baby baby voice came out.

“Does Sonic make yew feew bettew?”

I smacked his hand away. “I swear to-”

But I didn’t finish that statement because he tackled me in a hug.

“Kidding, kidding! I’m sorry, baby, that was the last one, I promise!” He kissed the side of my head before leaning back to look at me. “I think it’s really cute you like this series.”

“It’s not cute, it’s self care,” I mumbled.

Head Above Water

“Finally, a song I know!” Shawn exclaimed, and he dove into singing along.

I forgot I put that one on the playlist. I meant to take it off. It only made me more nervous that Shawn already knew this song. He was one step closer to unlocking the big one.

He sounded beautiful as he sang, lost in the melancholy melody. I watched him, trying not to give anything away through my face alone. It was getting harder to keep it together, just from the little things I had already told Shawn.

And so came the inevitable expectant look. “So? Depression? Religion?”

Part of me wanted to let him think that. Depression is common, it’s easier to explain than the real reason. Besides, it’s not a lie. I do have my dark days, and even darker periods. But depression isn’t the reason for this song.

“Nope,” I replied.

“You know, Avril Lavigne wrote this when she was really sick.”

Dammit, he does know what this song is about.

I sighed heavily. “How do I put this in a way that doesn’t sound scary or pathetic?”

“You’re sick,” Shawn guessed with a chuckle. But the look on my face changed the mood, and he went serious. “How bad are we talking?”

“I get sick… every so often,” I explained. “It’s nothing scary, it’s just… chronic IBS. I can manage it, I just have to be careful with what I eat.”

He nodded as he listened. “So it’s not that bad, but it’s enough for you to have a whole song about being sick?”

I hesitated. “There’s another song, actually.”

“Two?” Shawn shifted in his seat. “So that must mean it’s a bigger deal to you than you’re making it out to be.”

And he thinks he doesn’t know me well enough.

I didn’t like talking about my health problems, unless it was with my doctor. I didn’t talk about how annoying all this shit was outside my therapist’s office. Anytime I felt frustrated about food, I talked myself down because it could literally be worse. Why would I whine about something so mundane?

“You know you don’t have to tone it down for me,” Shawn added when I stayed quiet for too long. “And, if it helps… now I understand why you read restaurant menus so carefully.”

“Like I said, I have to be careful.” My voice went thick for a moment, so I coughed. “I eat the wrong thing, and I end up sleeping in the bathroom til the wrong thing is out.”

“So it’s frustrating to deal with this all the time?”

“Yeah… and I spent two and a half years not knowing what was wrong with me, two and a half years going to the doctor more times than a young adult should for their age… two and a half years thinking I might die…”

Shawn’s eyes widened. “Years?”

“We went to a doctor in Mexico, and he finally diagnosed me with IBS,” I explained. “But that was after the words ‘lymphoma’ and ‘tumor’ were thrown into the mix. It’s not really something you forget. Oh, and I hate vomiting. I hate it so much that I can’t be in the same room as someone who might be queasy. So that’s annoying.”

“Wow…”

I suddenly felt a little self conscious. “I know it’s stu-”

“If you say stupid one more time,” Shawn cut me off. “This is the least stupid thing you could be talking about right now.”

“My anxiety links back to food, too. Think that’s important to mention.”

“Is that why you always want to go back to your dorm after a dinner date?”

Oof, so he noticed. I stayed quiet, so Shawn continued.

“I can take care-”

“No,” I said immediately. The last thing I needed was my boyfriend seeing me have a meltdown because I ate something spicy. The last thing I needed was for anyone to see me have an anxiety attack after vomiting. “It’s not your job.”

Shawn reached over to cup my cheek. Only then did I realize I had been tearing up, and he was wiping it away.

I turned my head away, dabbing at my eyes with my sweater sleeves. I didn’t want to look pathetic and I failed.

“I have to ask,” he said after a moment, “have you gotten sick at all since we started dating?”

“It is a chronic illness that I have.”

“And you just… you just took care of yourself? While you were sleeping in the bathroom?”

“Like I’ve always done since I left home.”

“Impressive. I always call my mom when I feel sick, and she comes over every time.”

I was honestly surprised. I was expecting him to be upset because I never called him in my time of need. And that alone, made more tears well up in my eyes.

“Hey,” he said, scooting closer to me. “It’s okay. You probably went through a lot before you got diagnosed. It’s frustrating, I can see it weighing on your shoulders. Just tell me if there’s anything I can do for you.”

I could feel him looming over me, waiting for me to fall back in his arms. The song had long since ended, and it wasn’t about the playlist anymore. Shawn was just waiting for me to do something. I couldn’t bear to look at him, because his kindness and understanding would make me break even more. He really was too kind, far more than I expected.

Even when I said nothing, and he took out his phone. I thought he got bored, but his next prompt made me look up at him.

“Okay, so that barbeque restaurant we went to the other night, we had spicy buffalo wings for an appetizer, so we won’t have those again. Any other food that might make you sick?”

I stared for a moment before I caught another tear with my sleeve. “Um… can we skip that whole restaurant? Barbeque and my stomach don’t mix.”

Shawn typed, and the only sound in the room was his clicking keyboard. “Got it. No more barbeque. Any other place or food to avoid?”

“It’s a long list…”

“That’s why I’m writing it down.”

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @ruinhoney @calyumthomas @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss 

[trashforhockeyguys]

I’ll Always Remember Us This Way -Tyler Seguin

A/N: everything that is italicized is a flashback. Highly recommend listening to I’ll Always Remeber Us This way, from A Star Is Born. nothing but angst to be honest, so enjoy. Oh and this is the longest thing I’ve ever written on here. 

Stepping out onto the stage, you didn’t expect to feel an empty pit in your chest. You’d done more than a hundred shows without him. You’d been all around the world without him by your side, without so much as a single text or phone call. You’d done this so many times before that you could do it in your sleep. You knew every song, every pause in the music, everything, but you also knew that he wasn’t there.

You took a deep breath and plastered on a smile as the lights came up on the stage. You tried not to down and to you right, where he always used to stand. It didn’t feel right to be doing a show here without him. It didn’t feel right not to be wearing his jersey while on stage.

It hadn’t felt right without him for a while now, but standing on the stage that was set up in his arena, just feet from where he’d been the night before, slammed into you with the force of a semi-truck.

It was ironic to you really, every song on this album was about him. Every song had a memory of the two of you attached to it. Yet here you were, singing them to everyone but him. He was just a few miles away, close enough that you could walk. But he wasn’t here.

I hit the first chord in the piano, everyone cheered. You forced a smile, hoping you’d settle in and be fine in a few minutes. But you might as well have been playing in an empty arena because that’s what it felt like to you. He wasn’t here….he wouldn’t be here.

                                                                   *

You ran down the street, trying to make it to your favorite coffee shop before you were absolutely soaked by the rain. You should’ve listened to George when he told you it was going to rain. Your stylist would probably kill you when you got back to the arena. But going out right before the show was your thing, especially when this coffee shop was just around the corner.

The only good thing about the rain was that there weren’t any paps trying to get a picture of you. Instead, you were able to make it into the small coffee shop undetected. Something so simple as that felt like the biggest victory to you. Only, the floor was slick from the rain, causing you to slip and almost bust your ass, but someone caught you.

“You okay?” He asked.

“I think my ego is a little bruised, but I’ll survive. Thanks for the quick reflexes.”

“Having fast reflexes is kind of my job.”

“Right, well, thanks. I guess I owe you one.”

You started to walk towards the counter when he stopped you. You slowly turned to face him, he had a huge grin on his face like he knew something that you didn’t. Fear suddenly started to creep in, he knew who you were. Your cover was blown, the ratty old baseball cap you’d been carrying around for years couldn’t hide you anymore.

“You’re Y/N Y/L/N aren’t you?”

“Do you have to say it so loudly? C’mon man,” You hissed.

He looked so smug, I almost wanted to punch him. But he did save me from landing flat on my ass, which would’ve somehow managed to make the front page of some magazine so I could only be but so mad at him.

“Sorry, guess you’re trying to hide?”

You tugged on your hat, trying to cover just a little more of your face, “Pre-show tradition, I always stop here when I’m in town.”

“At least let me buy you a coffee? Or something?”

“Fine, but then I have to run back to the arena,” You sighed, “I didn’t plan on the rain and my team will have their work cut out for them.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you look beautiful, even if you do have a Hurricanes hat on.”

“Oh? Not a fan of them huh? What, do you like another team or something?”

He just laughed, “Something like that.”

                                                                    *

You stood from the piano and grabbed your microphone. The band was still playing, almost like background noise. I felt stronger, a little more like I was home. This stage had been my home since I was fifteen, but this city…this city meant more to me than words could ever say.

“How’re we doing tonight Dallas?” Cheers rose up from everyone in front of you, “Good, good, glad to hear it. Now, you guys know that you have a special place in my heart. So, I figured I’d bring back an old song that I wrote not long after I moved here, I hope you all remember it.”

The intro started, your guitarist Mike winked at you. He knew what this song meant to you, the whole band did. You’d written it about your then boyfriend, and how for the first time since you’d started this journey he’d made you feel at home. You rarely sung it anymore just because it hurt since you’d lost that feeling, but you couldn’t be in this arena without singing it.

You’d started writing it here, in between periods of a game. It started off being about his smile, how happy he was during the game, then it was about how happy watching him made you, then just about the two of you. That’s what most of your songs were after that point. Especially the last album you released, which was the one you were currently touring. Part of you wondered if he knew the whole entire thing was about him….for him.

You’d always told him you’d write him as many songs as he wanted, but you’d never dream of releasing most of them. You’d also told him the only way he’d get a full album was if he broke your heart bad enough to warrant it. You’d begged him never to give you a reason to ever have to do it. Yet, here you were.

“It started out as something simple, a little bit of life, a little bit of love, a hand to hold onto,” You sang. But you could feel your heart cracking as you began to think about a time, not so long ago.

                                                                    *

“What are you working on?” he asked, resting his chin on your bare shoulder.

“Oh just something that popped into my head.”

“I like your pretty little head,” he mussed, kissing your neck.

“Babe, I need to finish this.”

You didn’t want him to stop though. You wished he’d take away your guitar and lay you back down. Worship you again like he had the night before. You weren’t sure if you’d ever get enough of him. Not just in bed, but in general. The way he made you smile and laugh was almost unreal. You hadn’t felt this comfortable in years.

“Take a break? Please?” he begged.

“I have to finish this verse,” you sighed, “But then I’ll make us some food, how does that sound?”

“You always make things I shouldn’t eat, like that fried chicken last week.”

“You never complain, so don’t start now.”

He groaned and got up, knowing he’d lost this round. But you also knew that he’d go sit in the hallway, just outside the office that he’d allowed you to turn into your music room, and listen. Him and the dogs would be there until you finished writing. When you’d asked him about it before he brushed you off, claiming the dogs just wanted attention. But you’d caught him sitting there several times after that. It took him a while but he finally admitted that he liked hearing you work on new songs, the rawness of it seemed beautiful to him.

“Hey, wait a second,” You reached out for his hand to keep him from walking away, “I love you.”

He leaned down to kiss you, “I love you too. You keep working, I’ll make dinner for us.”

                                                                 *

You had to fight back the tears as the song ended. You wouldn’t cry on stage in front of all of these people. You couldn’t give him the satisfaction. But you didn’t even know if he still kept up with you the way you kept up with him. You watched almost every game that you could. You knew of every point he got, watched every interview. You still talked to a few of his teammates, the guys you’d once considered to be your family. When you’d lost him, you never really expected to really lose them too.

You danced around the stage during the next few songs. You played some of your first singles, the tried and true that everyone seemed to know and love. You were able to forget for a brief time. You’d forgotten that you weren’t in Dallas, you’d forgotten that he wasn’t here.

But it seemed like as soon as you were able to get him off your mind, the next song would start and you’d go right back. You were now sitting on a stool, center stage. You felt bad for being glad that the concert was almost over. Your throat was starting to hurt from singing for so long, your body was starting to ache.

You jumped around with some of your musicians and interacted with some of the people in the first few rows. You joked about the hockey game that went on the night before, hoping one of the guys were secretly hiding up in one of the boxes.

For the last song of the night you returned to the piano. This was the last song you wrote for the album, the song that broke your heart the most. Only seemed right that it would be the last song you sang here.

“You guys should know this one. I wrote this about an old friend, who I loved for many years, I think you guys know him too. I wrote this for us, just as a way to say that I wouldn’t forget. Thank you, guys, for being so wonderful tonight, this one goes out to all of you too.”

You couldn’t stop the emotions that came when everyone started singing along with you. Little did they know you wrote this very song after you’d left everything you knew behind after you’d been forced out of a city you loved.

                                                             *

It wasn’t even raining. You’d always thought that it would be raining in a situation like this. For some reason, you’d always thought that the day that you’d have to leave it would be dark and stormy. Instead, it was crystal clear.

Your eyes burned as you shoved all the clothes you could into your suitcase. You hoped he didn’t get home earlier than he should, you didn’t want to fight again. You couldn’t fight again. You had to get out, that was your only option now.

Your guitar was the last thing you grabbed. Everything else in that music room could be replaced, but not the guitar. It was the first one you bought when you were in high school. It had been with you everywhere. You’d written everything on it. Out of everything in the house, that was the one thing you couldn’t leave.

You were almost done when the garage door opened. You’d run out of time. He was back. You crouched down to pet the dogs for what could be the last time and then grabbed your bags. You were going to do this one way or another.

You took one last look at all of the pictures in the bedroom that you’d shared for three years. You had too many memories wrapped up here, but nothing could make you stay now that he’d all but said it was time for you to go. You wouldn’t humiliate yourself like that.

“What are you doing?” He questioned the second you came into view.

“I’m leaving. I told you my label wants me to come out to LA for a bit, but I think you made it clear you don’t want me to come back.”

“Stop twisting my words, I didn’t say that,” he argued.

“Not in so many words, but I’ve known you long enough to know what you meant,” You hissed, “I love you, I really do, but it’s all one-sided now and you know that. You know it, but you don’t have the balls to admit it. Because you stopped seeing me as me, and started seeing me as Y/N Y/L/N again.”

“Stop acting like I’m the only one who’d changed!” His voice changed.

“I know I’ve changed, but that’s only because I stopped playing everyone else’s game. You’re the one who wanted me to stay the scared little girl. So don’t even try to blame this on me.”

“You know what, you’re right. I don’t want you to come back if you’re going to be like this. I’m done having to coddle you. We’re all on a stage Y/N, you aren’t the only one who had standards they have to live up to.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were having to live up to anything. You sure as hell haven’t been acting like it.”

“You’re such a fucking bitch! I can’t believe I wasted three fucking years on you. You’re just another spoiled brat. A fucking diva who’s so used to getting what she wants. I should’ve let you fall on your ass that day.”

It was like a punch straight to the gut. He said he wasted these last three years. He’d once told you that you were the best part of his life, better than hockey even. He’d promised not to hurt you, or break your heart, but you were so sure it had broken loud enough that even he could hear it.

“Well, if that’s how you really feel.”

You bit your cheek to keep from crying and picked up your bags. You wouldn’t go back for anything else. You had all you needed. You left him standing in the living room, you didn’t even look back. You’d never know what might’ve been between the two of you.

You drove far enough away that he couldn’t easily come to find you if he wanted to, and then you broke. It was like opening the floodgates, your whole body shook so violently you didn’t know if it would ever stop. It suddenly hit you that you had nothing now. You’d have to drive all the way to LA, because you didn’t want to go through having to get a plane ticket. Plus, the time on the road might be just what you needed.

Two days later, while sitting in a hotel room somewhere along the way, you pulled out your guitar and started to write. You didn’t stop until the sun was out and you had the makings of a new album, full of everything you were feeling.

                                                                      *

“Thank you so much Dallas! Until next time!”

You ran off the stage, feeling your chest starting to tighten up. George was right behind you as you ran into your dressing room. George was the closest thing you had to actual family while on the road, he was a father, brother, and a friend.

“George, can you stall crew for a while, I just need some-“

“Already done,” he assured you, “ I figured you’d need some time to decompress and do your whole post-show thing. The crew is fine with hanging around for a while. So, shower and then you can go do your thing in the locker room, just like you always do.”

You sighed, feeling your whole-body sag. There was no way you would’ve been able to force yourself on a bus after that. You loved performing more than anything, but tonight was harder than you’d expected.

So half an hour later you found yourself in his old hoodie, with little holes on the ends of the sleeves, sitting in the middle of the locker room. You hadn’t been in here since before you’d broken up. Nothing had changed though, other than a few names on some of the stalls.

You sat in the middle of the logo and put your earbuds in, needing to cancel out the world for a while. You put on the most calming playlist you could find and laid back. You’d just give yourself a few minutes and then you’d be good as new. You didn’t need long. All you needed to do was calm back down, stop thinking about him.

Ironic considering he’d been in that very room the night before. He’d skated on the ice underneath the stage. He was everywhere. Which was one of the reasons you couldn’t bring yourself to come back to Dallas until now. Something about the tour made you feel stronger, yet so much weaker at the same time.

Over the sound of your music, you could hear someone walking in. You weren’t exactly sure who it was, or how long you’d been in here. But you assumed it was George. You didn’t sit up or take out your earbuds. You assumed he’d nudge you if he wanted to talk. But instead, you could feel them sitting next to you.

But the vibe you were getting wasn’t George. Your whole body started buzzing. You were terrified to open your eyes, because you somehow already knew who was sitting across from you. You knew it would be him.

Slowly, you reached up and took out your earbuds, he didn’t say anything. He was waiting for you to make the first move. You found yourself slowly sitting up.

“You’re here.”

“George said you’d be in here.”

“Post-show ritual,” You mumbled.

The way he was looking at you almost made your skin crawl, but in a good way. You hadn’t been looked at like that in forever. He was looking at you like he saw you, the real you, not the star that was on stage or doing interviews. You tugged the sleeves of the sweatshirt over your hands.

“You look good,” He said truthfully.

“I’m in a ratty old sweatshirt with wet hair and no makeup.”

“Last time I checked it’s my old sweatshirt. But I always loved you like this, you’re more you.”

“What are you doing here? You told me you never wanted to see me again.”

You were afraid of his answer. But you couldn’t not ask. He’d broken your heart in a matter of minutes the last time you saw him. If he was planning on doing it again, you needed fair warning. You needed to be able to brace yourself.

“I made you write and album.”

“Well you-”

“I promised you that I’d never make you do that. I promised that I’d never hurt you like that,” He explained, “but I did anyway because my head was too far up my own ass to realize what the fuck I was doing.”

“We both said and did a lot of things. We’re both to blame.”

“Let me own up to this one Y/N, because you were right. I was holding you back, but only because…well I guess I was scared shitless of what it would mean for us. Because I loved you, I really loved you.”

“Past tense. Which means that there’s no reason that I still need to be here,” You sighed, pushing yourself off of the floor, “I need to go anyway, we should’ve left already.”

He caught your arm before you could make it to the door, “Please don’t walk out on me again. Please.”

“What else am I supposed to do? You broke me! I had to claw my way back from that! You were my home, and you made me leave. So give me one good reason why I shouldn’t walk out that door and never look back!”

“Because I’m still in love with you. I never stopped, I wouldn’t have been able to if I tried,” he admitted, “I love you. And I see you for you. I don’t see the glitz and glamour, I never did.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I promise you I do. And the second my season is over I’ll be out on the road with you, if you’ll let me. I don’t want to lose you again. If we don’t work, then fine, but I won’t quit this time. I’ll fight for us.”

“Tyler…”

His hand cupped your cheek. The way he was looking at you made you want to melt on the spot. You were pretty sure you were shaking where you stood, but you couldn’t move. Not when this was all you’d thought about for almost two years.

“Please,” He seemed to beg, “Please.”

Your head was screaming at you to pull away, to turn around and walk out that door. Your heart, however, was going to win this battle. You’d been so lonely. No one seemed to understand you the way that he did, as cliché as it was.

You leaned into him. You couldn’t stop yourself, you didn’t want to stop yourself. He started to twist a strand of your hair, something he used to do all the time. Sometimes you’d wondered if he even knew he was doing it.

“Tyler I really should go.”

“Just, stay a few more minutes,” his voice was soft.

You were screwed, you knew that now. He’d pulled you back in and there was no way you’d be able to walk away this time. It took all of your strength to do it last time. You didn’t have anything left now. You couldn’t fight him, you didn’t want to. So gave in. You buried your head in his chest, and for some reason began to cry.

You could try and blame it on the emotions from the show. And the fact that you were coming off of the adrenaline high that you always got. When you crashed, sometimes you crashed hard. Which is why you liked to have time for yourself after shows.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologized again.

“I know.”

“I tried to come after you, but I didn’t know where to look.”

“I know,” You whimpered, “Jamie told me.”

“I love you.”

You pulled back, just enough to look him in the eye. He wasn’t lying, his eyes were glossy too like he was trying not to cry. You’d never really seen him emotional like this, it wasn’t his thing. But you knew, without a doubt, that he was telling the truth.

“I love you too,” You took a deep breath and the rest of the words flew out before you could stop them, “But don’t come on the road with me. I can’t have you here, I don’t think clearly. If you love me, then wait for me. I’ll come to Canada or wherever you are when this is over. But please don’t come with me.”

“Y/N, we always talked about doing this.”

“We were different people then. I need time to sort some things out. Just, please, wait for me.”

You wiggled out of his grasp and moved towards the door. You loved him, but you couldn’t be around him right now and think clearly enough to really finish the tour. You just needed to get through the next two months. Then maybe the two of you could figure the rest out.

“I have to go, I’m sorry.”

You only looked back once the door was shut behind you. You hoped that the two of you could figure everything out after your tour. You hoped he’d wait for you. But you also knew that you couldn’t ask him to wait forever. What was going to happen would happen, whatever the outcome might be.

As you traveled to the next city, you couldn’t help but think back on your relationship, and for the first time since the breakup, you smiled. You couldn’t help but smile at them. Even if nothing good would come from seeing him again, you couldn’t deny that he gave you three of the best years of your life. That was something you could never forget.

When the sun goes down, and the band won’t play, I’ll always remember us this way.

[bdluejay]

TWRP + The Protomen Concert

So I just wanna infodump about the TWRP concert tonight before I forget everything (walls upon walls of text under the cut, youve been warned)

So it was a 1hr 45min drive up to Richmond and it was a fairly nice drive aside from the inevitable traffic. I listened to TWRP’s discography minus TTT because time. About 30 minutes into the drive I’m singing along, dancing a little, and then I realize. I forgot. My fucking. Tickets. Left em right at home. Fuck. So it takes me 20 minutes to overcome the shock and try to figure out what to do. I didn’t have enough time to turn around and drive back, but the interstate was too narrow and going too fast for me to pull over and figure out what to do so I kept driving and hoping that I was gonna figure it out when I got there. So the rest of the drive goes smoothly, not too much traffic, and I didn’t get lost after I exited the interstate! I got a spot on the lot right next to the venue so I didn’t have to walk at all which was awesome. So I get down to the end of the line and say, “Is this where the cool people are? Haha!” y’know, like a nerd, and I start talking to the people in line with me. And I shit you not, before I even get to say much, the person in front of me goes, “Hey, do you need an extra ticket?” Like, holy shit, really? How fucking lucky was I! I get in line right behind a person who has an extra ticket and they offer it before I even say anything. What a godsend. So I relax finally and enjoy talkin to the folks in line and try not to piss myself because I’ve had half a bottle of water and a smoothie in the past 2 hours.

So it turns 6 and the doors open and we come flooding in, I get to use the bathroom and the head over to the stage to secure a spot. I get about 3 or 4 people between me and the stage and I’m pretty content because it’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to the stage at a concert before.  Then I feel a tap on my shoulder and this guys says hi and gestures to my shirt (I was wearing the shirt for NSP’s Tour de Force tour) and asked which show I went to. Apparently we both went to the one at silver spring which was sick and we started talking about our mutual love of TWRP and a bunch of other stuff. He (collin was his name, im pretty sure?) was super sweet and nice and easy to talk to and we both went hoarse because we talked for the whole hour we were waiting for the show to start lol. He actually had some cough drops bc he was overcoming a cold and gave me one which was super nice.

SO the lights dim and the boys come out one by one, Havve, Meouch, Phobos, then Sung on his stupid hoverboard that I love. And they start playing Back in Town and I’m like o FUCK and they play generous dimensions and im like fuck yeah and they do their dumb schtick that never gets old “that was song #5, and next is song #11, and song #11 goes out to all the ladies out here tonight” and like a sucker i laugh and cheer every time. the setlist is super fuzzy for me but they played life party and i kinda almost cried cause god i really love that song a lot. and they played this like, holy shit amazing medley of a bunch of their songs all the way from 2nite to TTT and i totally wasnt expecting it at all but it was really amazing, i wish i had recorded the whole thing (fingers crossed that someone else has) but they played parts of pale blue dot which is my fave TWRP song and thats all i wanted and needed. ladyworld was awesome, and ending it with all night forever was absolutely perfect, kinda tying the whole set together with the beginning and end of return to wherever. TWRPs whole set was phenomenal and i had so much fun dancing and singing along. i didnt wanna blink the whole time because i wanted to see everything i could and they were just great and i gotta stop talkin about them cause im just gonna end up in a loop saying how much i love TWRP and how amazing they were tonight. 

but then. the protomen come out. and they play phantom racer. and just. holy. fucking. shit. twrp has such a chill vibe and their energy is good but the second the protomen came out the energy went from 100 to a MILLION. twrp and protomens performance of phantom racer was just. amazing. no, amazing is an understatement, but theres really no words to describe just how fucking fantastic they both were together. i wish i could relive that song over and over again forever. the feeling of absolute joy and excitement and happiness i felt during that performance is something i wish i could bottle and experience forever.

so onto the protomen. i had never listened to any of their music before the concert other than phantom racer. but holy SHIT. they fucking rocked it. i was blown away by how talented everyone was. the two lead singers were powerful and amazing, the music was just, *italian finger kiss* MWAH that good shit, like, tomorrow i gotta listen to all their music because every single song they played i immediately loved. and i cant neglect to mention their stage presence. these guys were so cool and intense and their whole vibe was so fuckin rockin. i mean, the metallic gray facepaint and bandanas and sunglasses and masks and helments and robot gun arms????? fuck YEAH!!!!! like i had hopeful expectations for the protomen but they blew me outta the fucking water holy shit. seriously i regret that i didnt listen to them beforehand or i woulda been headbanging so hard. also at the end one of the guys stage dove and i almost got to touch him but i was scared to get under him cause im not very strong and i didnt wanna drop a whole man onto myself. but yeah they were sick.

oh and speaking of headbanging there were a few dudes in front me who were SO energetic and pumped for the protomen like, it was infectious. they danced so hard and they like did this little dance with a couple other people that kinda reminded me of a ska dance?? like yknow the one where you just kinda kick your legs?? idk but they seemed to be having a lot of fun and it made me smile. they also had a 4 person mosh pit and i got knocked around a few times (its okay, i know how it is getting really excited and a lil too rowdy, i was fine) but like those dude were so fun and their excitement was so infectious i couldnt help but smile and have more fun. i got to talk with them some while we were in line for merch and since i was there for TWRP and they were there for the protomen we both gushed about how much we loved each band with all our hearts. they were also super sweet and walked me to my car because i was anxious to walk alone in a city that id never been to before.

so yeah!! tonght was an amazing experience that i hope to never forget. i met some super nice people and talked myself hoarse and had such an amazing time and im so glad that everything turned out how it did. thank you to twrp, the protomen, the broadberry staff, that one person in line, collin, and those two rockin protomen fans for making tonight a wonderful and perfect night.

[distanceiskillingmetoo-blog]

Brighter - Shawn Mendes (1)

Juliette Petit is a 25 years old French artist, who’s performing at the grammy’s. After meeting one of her best buds after her performance, she met someone new. Everything is history after that.

At first, I wanted it to be a one shot. But I got carried away. English isn’t my mother tongue, so I’m sorry if I made mistakes.

________________________________________

PART 1

I couldn’t be more stressed about what was going to happen later. I’m currently getting ready for tonight. Because tonight I will have to perform at the grammy’s. And to even think about performing was so surreal to me but walking the red carpet was more stressing than everything.

“Juliette it’s going to be ok honey.”

It was my manager Sarah. She’s been with me since my first day in London to record my first EP 2 years ago. Back then, I was just a 25 years old french girl, coming from Paris. And 2 years later here I was, in a fabulous hotel room in the US getting ready for what could be one of the most important night of my career.

“Am I crazy if I say that I am more stressed about the red carpet than performing my own song?”

Sarah looked at me without understanding why I could say that.

“I know performing should be more nerve racking, but… how do you expect me to not fall on my ass wearing those shoes…”

“Juliette I know… I know you don’t like wearing high heels because they make you feel uncomfortable about your height but it’s not like you can wear your vans.”

“But I could !”

“No, you can’t, it’s the grammy’s!”

“Please Sarah… If I fall, I’ll be so mortified. I can’t be in that state. Not tonight, not ever.”

“If I ever go to the oscars I’ll wear high heels, but please not tonight!”

“Juliette I can’t tell you what to do, all I can is saying what would be the best for you, for your image. But at the end, it’s your choice.”

“I know what I am going to do then. Thank you S !”

And I kissed her cheeks.

*

We were in the car driving us to the staples center for the ceremony. A man opened the car and I went out. People were cheering for the celebrities walking the carpet. And I was starstruck. Never in my life I have been to anything that huge. I went to europeans ceremonies but it was something else.

“Sarah, that’s so huge !” I whispered into her left ear.

“Just enjoy yourself ! Take everything you can from tonight but just enjoy and relax, it will be a fun night !”

“Yeah fun… especially with those heels.”

Sarah made me go to the first reporter. It was Ryan Seacrest.

“Juliette you look beautiful in that dress wow!” I blushed and thanked him with a smile. “First time at the grammy’s, huh. So how is it so far?”

“Ryan it’s crazy by just being here. I am still the same girl who loves going to shows of bands she likes and getting into circle pits and stuffs, but I am at the grammy’s right now. Seriously it’s so good so far ! I just wish my family could be with me or at least in the audience to see me.”

“Might be a bit hard to almost being 9 hours behind them. So If you could say anything to them, what would that be ? Just say that to them to the camera.”

“Je vous aime et j'ai hâte de vous revoir vite à la maison ! And Ryan just so you now I said that I love them and I can’t wait to see them back home. And yes it’s hard, but it’s worth it. I mean, look at me at the grammy’s!”

“That’s sweet! So you’re performing tonight, that must be huge for you. But a lot of great artists are performing as well, which one are you the most excited to see?”

“I’m dying to see them all… but the most, I would say Kacey Musgraves and Camila Cabello. I love them so much so I just can’t wait to lip sync and move along to their song.”

“Anxious about performing?”

“Not anxious, obviously I’m a bit stressed, but I’m way more stressed about walking in those heels right now than performing. I just can’t wait to be able to put my vans on. I even have gold vans to match my dress but I had to wear those high heels!”

“But Juliette if you want to put your vans just go with it!”

“You think I can Ryan?”

“Of course you can! Plus they’re matching your dress, not it’s not a faux pas!”

“I think I am doing this on live!” We laughed while I put my heels off my feet. “Sarah, just give me my socks and vans!”

“Yes people, Juliette is really changing her shoes live, I love that girl!”

“I love you too Ryan, but I have to tie my vans right now so don’t make me laugh.” Ryan laughed. “I am done. Well, Ryan I am more myself right now. And people at home, at work, or wherever you are. Wearing a dress and sneakers is my go-to. Everyday. All day. I like that.”

“You still look beautiful even without your heels Juliette.”

“Thank you Ryan!”

“Can you tell us, which song you’re going to perform tonight?” I smiled.

“You’ll have to wait and see!”

“You’re a tease Juliette!” Ryan laughed. “Thank you, everyone it was Juliette Petit, you’ll see her perform later! Now time for some commercials, see you in a bit!”

The camera went down, and Ryan faced me once again.

“Thank you Juliette! Always a pleasure talking with you! Enjoy your night!”

After that conversation, a lot of others happened, always the kind of questions. But it was great and obviously I didn’t fall on my ass on the carpet so I was glad. It was ceremony time. And I was performing in a little while, so I didn’t have to get ready yet.

Camila Cabello was on stage and I was living my best life, singing and dancing along to her song. After her performance, someone from the crew of the show came to me saying it was time for getting ready. Sarah and I followed him into a dressing room where my clothes were. I changed into my black and rose gold dress and put my rose gold vans as well and I was ready.

I took my guitar and went backstage. Luke, Tony and Alex are with me as well. We warmed up a bit and Alicia Keys announced it’s my time to go on stage.

“Guys I love you so much. Thank you for being with me!”

“It’s your time to shine” Tony said.

“No Tony, it’s ours. I know that she said my name, but if I didn’t have you, it wouldn’t be the same.”

We went on stage all together, I had my guitar with me and they went to their instruments and the first notes of Brighter began.

Its a brand new day, it’s never too late to start Can’t live this life with an empty heart

At the end of the first chorus, I stopped playing the guitar and put it against the guitar stand to put my all energy on performing for everyone. People in the audience, people at home watching us, people who would watch us on the internet if they were any. Literally everyone.

“Thank you everyone, but thank you to the guys behind me, that would only be fair if they were next to me to say thank you! Guys come back!”

And they came back. And we all said thank you. It was over. We rushed off stage and I was so happy.

“Guys that was so good! Damn I’ll never recover from this shit! Thank you thank you thank you!”

We were hugging as a potato when I heard someone said something I haven’t heard in a while!

“Where is my favorite Juliette?!”

“Josiaaaaaah oh mon dieu! Oh shit, oh my god sorry!”

“That was phenomenal Juliette!”

I hugged my friend Josiah! We met at a festival three years ago, but really bonded on twitter right after, because we listened to the same kind of music!

“Dude, I missed you! It’s been way too long!”

“Juliette, I’m in a rush right now, but I’m in town for a bit, Maybe we could see each other before you either go back home, or I’ll go on tour or you or whatever!”

“Yes yes yes! I’ll text you after tonight!”

“Are you going to an after party?”

“Don’t know yet, I want to party, but I think as soon as it’s over, I’ll want to sleep for days thanks to the stress!”

“Always a sleeper!”

“I am in love with my bed, or at least, with whatever bed I can have!”

“You’re so weird, I love you! If I’ll go to a party or something, I’ll text you!”

“And I’ll do the same! Bye J!”

The grammy’s kept getting better and better. People won trophies. Some made me cry during their speeches. Not my fault I love happy people, and they can make me cry of happiness.

At the end of the ceremony, I received a text from Josiah.

FROM JOSIAH:

don’t know if you’re still up for a party tonight, it’s not an official one, just a little one at my friend’s house if you want to come.

TO JOSIAH:

Yeah sure, no problem! I would rather have a little something than a big anything. Can my dudes come as well?

FROM JOSIAH:

Obviously, you know I love those dudes!

TO JOSIAH:

If you want me to come, you have to give me the address J!

He then texted me the address and Luke, Tony, Alex and I went to in and out first before going to the party.

*************

So that’s the first part !

I hope you like it, as much as I liked writing it.

The song brighter is from Against The Current. Just so you know, I’ll probably use more songs from this band, or Paramore, or female artists. But I will always tell you guys at the end of each chapter.

I don’t have anyone in my head for the character of Juliette, because I don’t really want to label her as a brunette/blonde/ginger or something. But she will eventually bleach her hair because I’m dying to do it all over again hahaha

I also post this fanfic on Wattpad ;)

[distanceisdestroyingme]

Brighter part I

Juliette Petit is a 25 years old French artist, who's performing at the grammy's. After meeting one of her best buds after her performance, she met someone new. Everything is history after that.

At first, I wanted it to be a one shot. But I got carried away. English isn't my mother tongue, so I'm sorry if I made mistakes.

________________________________________

PART 1

I couldn't be more stressed about what was going to happen later. I'm currently getting ready for tonight. Because tonight I will have to perform at the grammy's. And to even think about performing was so surreal to me but walking the red carpet was more stressing than everything.

"Juliette it's going to be ok honey."

It was my manager Sarah. She's been with me since my first day in London to record my first EP 2 years ago. Back then, I was just a 25 years old french girl, coming from Paris. And 2 years later here I was, in a fabulous hotel room in the US getting ready for what could be one of the most important night of my career.

"Am I crazy if I say that I am more stressed about the red carpet than performing my own song?"

Sarah looked at me without understanding why I could say that.

"I know performing should be more nerve racking, but... how do you expect me to not fall on my ass wearing those shoes..."

"Juliette I know... I know you don't like wearing high heels because they make you feel uncomfortable about your height but it's not like you can wear your vans."

"But I could !"

"No, you can't, it's the grammy's!"

"Please Sarah... If I fall, I'll be so mortified. I can't be in that state. Not tonight, not ever."

"If I ever go to the oscars I'll wear high heels, but please not tonight!"

"Juliette I can't tell you what to do, all I can is saying what would be the best for you, for your image. But at the end, it's your choice."

"I know what I am going to do then. Thank you S !"

And I kissed her cheeks.

*

We were in the car driving us to the staples center for the ceremony. A man opened the car and I went out. People were cheering for the celebrities walking the carpet. And I was starstruck. Never in my life I have been to anything that huge. I went to europeans ceremonies but it was something else.

"Sarah, that's so huge !" I whispered into her left ear.

"Just enjoy yourself ! Take everything you can from tonight but just enjoy and relax, it will be a fun night !"

"Yeah fun... especially with those heels."

Sarah made me go to the first reporter. It was Ryan Seacrest.

"Juliette you look beautiful in that dress wow!" I blushed and thanked him with a smile. "First time at the grammy's, huh. So how is it so far?"

"Ryan it's crazy by just being here. I am still the same girl who loves going to shows of bands she likes and getting into circle pits and stuffs, but I am at the grammy's right now. Seriously it's so good so far ! I just wish my family could be with me or at least in the audience to see me."

"Might be a bit hard to almost being 9 hours behind them. So If you could say anything to them, what would that be ? Just say that to them to the camera."

"Je vous aime et j'ai hâte de vous revoir vite à la maison ! And Ryan just so you now I said that I love them and I can't wait to see them back home. And yes it's hard, but it's worth it. I mean, look at me at the grammy's!"

"That's sweet! So you're performing tonight, that must be huge for you. But a lot of great artists are performing as well, which one are you the most excited to see?"

"I'm dying to see them all... but the most, I would say Kacey Musgraves and Camila Cabello. I love them so much so I just can't wait to lip sync and move along to their song."

"Anxious about performing?"

"Not anxious, obviously I'm a bit stressed, but I'm way more stressed about walking in those heels right now than performing. I just can't wait to be able to put my vans on. I even have gold vans to match my dress but I had to wear those high heels!"

"But Juliette if you want to put your vans just go with it!"

"You think I can Ryan?"

"Of course you can! Plus they're matching your dress, not it's not a faux pas!"

"I think I am doing this on live!" We laughed while I put my heels off my feet. "Sarah, just give me my socks and vans!"

"Yes people, Juliette is really changing her shoes live, I love that girl!"

"I love you too Ryan, but I have to tie my vans right now so don't make me laugh." Ryan laughed. "I am done. Well, Ryan I am more myself right now. And people at home, at work, or wherever you are. Wearing a dress and sneakers is my go-to. Everyday. All day. I like that."

"You still look beautiful even without your heels Juliette."

"Thank you Ryan!"

"Can you tell us, which song you're going to perform tonight?" I smiled.

"You'll have to wait and see!"

"You're a tease Juliette!" Ryan laughed. "Thank you, everyone it was Juliette Petit, you'll see her perform later! Now time for some commercials, see you in a bit!"

The camera went down, and Ryan faced me once again.

"Thank you Juliette! Always a pleasure talking with you! Enjoy your night!"

After that conversation, a lot of others happened, always the kind of questions. But it was great and obviously I didn't fall on my ass on the carpet so I was glad. It was ceremony time. And I was performing in a little while, so I didn't have to get ready yet.

Camila Cabello was on stage and I was living my best life, singing and dancing along to her song. After her performance, someone from the crew of the show came to me saying it was time for getting ready. Sarah and I followed him into a dressing room where my clothes were. I changed into my black and rose gold dress and put my rose gold vans as well and I was ready.

I took my guitar and went backstage. Luke, Tony and Alex are with me as well. We warmed up a bit and Alicia Keys announced it's my time to go on stage.

"Guys I love you so much. Thank you for being with me!"

"It's your time to shine" Tony said.

"No Tony, it's ours. I know that she said my name, but if I didn't have you, it wouldn't be the same."

We went on stage all together, I had my guitar with me and they went to their instruments and the first notes of Brighter began.

Its a brand new day, it's never too late to start Can't live this life with an empty heart

At the end of the first chorus, I stopped playing the guitar and put it against the guitar stand to put my all energy on performing for everyone. People in the audience, people at home watching us, people who would watch us on the internet if they were any. Literally everyone.

"Thank you everyone, but thank you to the guys behind me, that would only be fair if they were next to me to say thank you! Guys come back!"

And they came back. And we all said thank you. It was over. We rushed off stage and I was so happy.

"Guys that was so good! Damn I'll never recover from this shit! Thank you thank you thank you!"

We were hugging as a potato when I heard someone said something I haven't heard in a while!

"Where is my favorite Juliette?!"

"Josiaaaaaah oh mon dieu! Oh shit, oh my god sorry!"

"That was phenomenal Juliette!"

I hugged my friend Josiah! We met at a festival three years ago, but really bonded on twitter right after, because we listened to the same kind of music!

"Dude, I missed you! It's been way too long!"

"Juliette, I'm in a rush right now, but I'm in town for a bit, Maybe we could see each other before you either go back home, or I'll go on tour or you or whatever!"

"Yes yes yes! I'll text you after tonight!"

"Are you going to an after party?"

"Don't know yet, I want to party, but I think as soon as it's over, I'll want to sleep for days thanks to the stress!"

"Always a sleeper!"

"I am in love with my bed, or at least, with whatever bed I can have!"

"You're so weird, I love you! If I'll go to a party or something, I'll text you!"

"And I'll do the same! Bye J!"

The grammy's kept getting better and better. People won trophies. Some made me cry during their speeches. Not my fault I love happy people, and they can make me cry of happiness.

At the end of the ceremony, I received a text from Josiah.

From Josiah:

don't know if you're still up for a party tonight, it's not an official one, just a little one at my friend's house if you want to come.

To Josiah:

Yeah sure, no problem! I would rather have a little something than a big anything. Can my dudes come as well?

From Josiah:

Obviously, you know I love those dudes!

To Josiah:

If you want me to come, you have to give me the address J!

He then texted me the address and Luke, Tony, Alex and I went to in and out first before going to the party.

*************

So that's the first part !

I hope you like it, as much as I liked writing it.

The song brighter is from Against The Current. Just so you know, I'll probably use more songs from this band, or Paramore, or female artists. But I will always tell you guys at the end of each chapter.

I don't have anyone in my head for the character of Juliette, because I don't really want to label her as a brunette/blonde/ginger or something. But she will eventually bleach her hair because I'm dying to do it all over again hahaha

I also post this fanfic on Wattpad ;)

[valisi-clark]

The first time that Erwin saw him, they were both children. They were in different schools, and they were both touring the capital building on separate field trips. But they found each other at the water fountain. They both stared. They forgot to drink any water. Neither of them moved until their teachers insisted. And they swapped glances over their shoulders while they were pulled away from each other.

Erwin remembered him and didn't understand why. He thought that the boy must have lived near him. That wasn't the case. He couldn't find him again.

Twelve years later, Erwin was in a concert venue that was so crowded that he sweated through his shirt before the first band finished playing. The liquor that had been poured down the back of his shirt made him feel sticky. He couldn't get a good breath with so many people around him, but he helped to pass along crowd surfers anyway. He could feel the music in his bones. The shared adrenaline of the room made his entire body throb. The headliner stepped onto the stage, and the crowd pushed forward.

Erwin felt someone pressed harshly into his right side. He lifted his arm to give the person room to move. When he looked down, Levi looked up at him. They stared again. Then, Levi leaned towards him and yelled something. Erwin couldn't hear him. Before he could lean down, the hardest part of the best song began. The crowd began to part. Levi grabbed Erwin's bicep so hard that sweat squeezed from the cotton of his shirt. Erwin grabbed a fistful of Levi's shirt. Someone else wrapped their arms around Levi's waist and pulled him away. Levi slipped out of his shirt. Erwin dropped it to move after him. The crowd was faster. Erwin watched while Levi was picked up and put on top of the crowd. Levi fought. The crowd carried him anyway.

A mosh pit began, and Erwin pushed away from it, keeping his eyes on Levi. The music increased to an impossible volume. He watched Levi float on top of the crowd around the mosh pit. When he saw Levi fall down into the crowd on the other side of the pit, he forced his way past three layers of people. He moved into the pit. A man threw a fist at him, and Erwin put his boot into the man's ankle. No one took another shot at him while he moved through the pit. On the other side of the parted crowd, Erwin searched for him. He was gone.

After the concert, Erwin insisted that his group of friends wait with him outside of the venue. They stayed with him for an hour before they ditched him to go to the bar. He smoked half of a pack of cigarettes waiting for Levi to find him. Levi didn't come. When there were only a few sparse groups of people left outside of the building, Erwin felt a pain in his right arm. He put the cigarette between his lips to hold it while he lifted his right sleeve. Levi had left fingerprint bruises and shallow, bloody scratches on his skin. Erwin exhaled smoke.

That night, at home, he took off his shirt and looked at the marks in the mirror. He searched for Levi online until the sun came up. He couldn't remember everything. But he could remember the nights Levi would come to his room. He remembered the desk in his office. The lingering scent of black tea. He remembered the way Levi's hair looked when it was stuck to his forehead with sweat. He knew the way Levi tasted. And that was enough to keep him hopeful for a year. Then, he stopped looking.

Three years later, Erwin leaned over and snorted the line of coke on the bar. When he stood upright, the bottle of Rush was pushed under his nose. He closed his eyes, pressed his other nostril shut, and inhaled until he felt himself stop thinking. The flood of heat in his face made him smile, and he leaned back in his chair. Erwin grabbed his boyfriend by the hair and shoved his tongue into his mouth. His hips bucked involuntarily, and they were laughing when their mouths parted. His boyfriend leaned over the bar. Erwin saw Levi on the other side of the room.

Levi's mouth was pressed against another man's, and both of his hands were pulling on the man's belt buckle. Erwin stood from his chair, and his boyfriend caught him just before he fell. He heard laughter, and he felt himself being moved. He pushed. The man kissed down Levi's neck. Levi leaned his head back and opened his eyes. Levi's lips parted. His hips moved. Erwin tried to be seen. He needed Levi to see him. He opened his mouth and no sound came. He felt himself being picked up. He felt drool running down his chin.

Erwin watched the ceiling pass by while he was carried out of the bar. Outside, he waited for Levi to find him while he counted stars. Then, he was being pushed into a cab.

The next night, Erwin went back to the bar and asked the bartender about Levi. No one had ever seen him before. Erwin went to the bar every night, with and without his boyfriend. His boyfriend hated it. Erwin ended the relationship. He kept looking.

For three more months, Erwin went to the bar every night. Levi never showed. He stopped looking again.

A year later, he finished his Master's degree. He met his future wife.

Four years later, he had a wife and a son and a daughter. They had his eyes and her hair. He was working on his doctorate, and he had a small office in the University. His days were routine and scheduled. He loved helping to bathe the kids and put them to bed. He felt an ache in his chest with every goodnight kiss. His favorite part of the day was having a glass of wine with his wife after the babies were in bed. Her laugh made him smile. Her head on his chest made it easy to sleep.

One evening, Levi's mugshot was on the news. Erwin almost knocked his wine glass over  when he grabbed the remote to increase the volume. She complained that he would wake the kids. He memorized Levi's legal name.

“Do you know that guy, Ellis?” she asked. Erwin shook his head.

“No,” he said. He turned the volume down again. “I thought I did.”

“You don't know anyone like that,” she said. He smiled at her.

“Like what?”

“I hope you don't know anyone who's dumb enough to try and rob a bank,” she said. He kept smiling, but he felt the resentment take root. He wanted to start a fight with her. He wanted her to regret the words. And he hated it. He resisted it. He tried to force himself to forget. He changed the subject. They watched her favorite movie. He rubbed her feet. He took her to bed and kept her awake all night. She spent twenty minutes combing the knots from her hair the next morning. The makeup that he wouldn't give her time to remove was smudged all over their wet sheets.

Erwin sat on the edge of the bed, listening to the water running while she showered. He thought about Levi while he rested his head in his hands.

His routine helped to distract him. Erwin didn't deviate from his normal schedule. That's how he was able to resist for so long.

In December, Erwin couldn't stop himself. He looked up the address of the penitentiary. He researched how he should address the letter. He read all of the rules about things that might stop Levi from receiving mail. Erwin put pen to paper. Over and over again.

Hello

Dear

My name

I've seen you so many times

Do you believe

I think I know you

I have to try

Erwin threw all of the crumpled pieces of paper in the garbage. He pulled out a single index card and wrote on the lined side.

Is your name Levi Ackerman?

-Erwin Smith

He sealed the index card in the envelope and sent it out with the mail that day.

Two days later, Erwin flipped through his mail at work. He ripped open the envelope as soon as he saw it. The same index card that he had used had been sent back to him. A response was written under his own words.

I can get visitors on Sundays from 13:00 to 17:00.

-Levi

Erwin pulled a sheet of notebook paper from his desk. He put his pen to the paper and stared at the response. Levi's handwriting was just the same. It was beautiful. Erwin looked away from the index card, and the pictures in frames on his desk caught his eye. He stared at his wife's image. The pictures of his children stung. They had his eyes and her hair. His jaw went slack. His heart broke painfully. He imagined going to the prison to see Levi. He imagined living with his wife until his children were older. Levi could get out of prison in fifteen years with good behavior. He imagined the entire betrayal. The divorce papers. His mouth felt dry, and his eyes felt wet. Erwin closed his mouth and swallowed. He blinked until he could see clearly.

I can't

Levi, I tried to find you but

I'm marri

I want

I have two

I didn't think you were real

I want to murder every man who has ever seen you orgasm

I'm so sorry

I can't wait

Why did

I shouldn't have written

Erwin looked at the sheet of paper with broken words. His eyes turned to the index card.

I'll see you on Sunday.

- Erwin

[littlebtswriter]

jungkook / you have a dumb argument

request: Can you do an angst/fluff, where jungkook says something mean while your fighting and instantly regrets when he sees your face. But after like 2 days you finally talk about everything and you end up forgiving him?

a/n: omg this turned out to be so dramatic and great. I changed up a few things, i hope you don’t mind!

Yugyeom: tell jungkook I said good luck on tonight’s show! he’s gonna make that show his bitch

BamBam: lolol my mind was going somewhere else with that.

You: bambam stop being such a perv all the time. That doesn’t even make sense.

BamBam: yeah it does. You can make anything into a perverted joke.

Yugyeom: nothing he does makes sense.

You could feel Jungkook’s eyes on you as you texted. You tried not to look at him as you typed away a reply, keeping your head down. It took everything in you not to laugh at Yugyeom's reply. You hoisted your legs up onto the couch and continued to have your little text conversation with them as the room around you was busy with stylists giving the seven members last minute touches.

BamBam: It’s so hard living with a perverted mind. I’m so oppressed.

You: wtf it’s your fault you’re like this

BamBam: no, it’s jackson’s fault for listening to porn too loudly in the dorms and making me curious

Yugyeom: I’m not included in this conversation. I’m a pure child.

A laugh escaped your lips as you pressed the palm of your hand to your mouth. Jungkook gave you a steady glare, sinking further into the couch. “Hey, I’m right here you know,” He pouted, trying to seem like he was okay with a small smile.

You put your phone down, feeling flushed. You’d been so caught up with talking to your best friends you’d forgotten about the concert starting in less than an hour. “Sorry babe, the boys were just wanting me to tell you good luck on the performance.” You offered him a reassuring smile to which he replied with a frown as he sunk even further into the couch.

“Jungkook, there’s no need to act like a child over this,” Namjoon said, having seen the whole issue from the chair he was sitting in. “She’s allowed to have other friends than us.”

“I’m fine with other friends, but she talks to them all the time! And she’s always hanging out with them and talking about them. I like got7 and all, but this is just ridiculous.” Jungkook said, his jaw set as he grew more and more upset.

Your eyes widened in shock. “I just think you’re just being jealous, Jeon Jungkook. I’m allowed to have other friends just like you are.”

“Yeah, but I have guy friends, not a ton of girl friends I text all the time and hangout with. How would that make you feel if I was like you? Always talking to other girls and spending time with them instead of my girlfriend?”

You were shocked and embarrassed for him to put you in this situation here and now infront of all his band members and all his staff. The whole deal with having the members of got7 as best friends never had been a problem, you had thought. You’d always been able to make guy friends a lot easier than girl ones, and got7 were so much fun to be around.

Now that you really thought about it, you could see how your friendship with them would make your boyfriend uncomfortable. You’d even spent the night at there dorms a few times when you made dance covers with Yugyeom. You never went close to cheating with them, except for that one time Yugyeom tried to kiss you while in the steamy hot studio against the mirrored wall.

“I have a boyfriend, remember?”

“I know, I just forgot myself for a second.”

That was it though. Nothing else had happened. Even though you had stopped it from happening in the first place, sometimes you wondered what it would be like to have your lips pressed against his and his hands exploring your skin.

Those thoughts always came back to haunt you all the times Jungkook couldn’t spend be with you because of work or video games or practice or photoshoots. You know he loved you and he always did make some sort of time with you, but sometimes you got lonely.

However the relationship was, where you both are right then was not healthy and something had to change.

“Jungkook, I don’t think here is the best place to talk about this,” You said slowly feeling the eyes of a dozen people burning into you. Jungkook stood immediately. “Then, let’s go somewhere private.”

You nodded your head in agreement, following Jungkook out into a private lounging area. He ran his fingers through his dark hair, taking in a deep breath as he turned to face you. “Look, I’m sorry for getting angry. I’m just tired of you spending so much time with them and not a lot of time with me.”

You shrugged. “I do spend time with you. All the time I can. But, you’re always so busy with your schedule and I don’t want to bother you.”

“Babe! You never bother me. I always want you. I wish you would come to our dance practices like you used to and skype me while I’m gone. I really miss that.” There were tears welling up in his eyes as he spoke.

“But, I do!” You wanted to shout. “Look where I am now! I’m on tour with you guys so I can be with you.”

“Yet you’re out there on your phone texting other boys instead of talking with me. And when you aren’t talking to them, you don’t want me. I feel like I’m not good enough for you.” His glossy bottom lip was trembling as he spoke, the tears continuing to build.

You felt awful. You really had been trying your best to be there for him and love him. But, all the times you had thought he needed space and to be alone, apparently all he wanted was you.

You walked towards him, talking him into your arms with a hug. He wrapped his arms around your waist his fingers rubbing up and down your hips. “I just really miss you. I don’t want to lose you.” He whispered. You nodded, rubbing circles on his back.

You wanted to try harder for him. You wanted things to be okay before the show started. Jungkook pushed your chin up, so you were looking into his eyes. You felt a burning sensation in your stomach and a fluttering in your heart at the way his eyes darkened.

“I really want you, now.” He whispered desperately. You shuddered, knowing extremely well what he meant. “Jungkook, it’s thirty minutes before you have to go on stage.” You hissed.

He shut you up with a kiss, his warm lip gloss covered lips pressing against yours. You could feel your head spinning as he deepened it, his body pressing against yours and your hands tangled in his hair.

You could feel him pushing you back, the both of you stumbling until he had you pressed up against the wall. “Jungkook, this isn’t the time-” you gasped between kisses, pleasure causing your body to shiver.

“But, we haven’t for so long and I’ve been so desperate.” He nearly moaned, breathless from your love. You weren’t completely opposed to quick sex in the privacy of the locked room before a show. But, you didn’t feel in the mood right now, especially after an argument that wasn’t resolved.

There were still tears in Jungkook’s eyes that had begun to trickle down his makeup caked face, leaving little trails down his cheeks. “I just miss you so much in so many ways.” He choked as he pressed his forehead to yours. You let your hands wander up his thighs and abs and chest as you kissed him gently all over his face.

“I do love you I promise.”

Jungkook’s breath hitched as you kissed a sensitive spot on his neck and he gripped your hips tighter, unentenually grinding his crotch into you. You could feel his hard bulge against your leg, and you groaned in frustration.

“Jungkook, you can’t! We don’t have time.” You gasped, looking down to inspect the growing problem.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He said, his eyes wide. He looked up at you expectedly. You really didn’t want to help him with this. You did love him and you did want him, but not now after an argument you still weren't happy about. You weren’t going to apologize for having got7 as your friends.

“Why are you being so hesitant with all of this?” Jungkook asked, his breath heavy from the pain starting to grow in his lower regions. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Your heart jumped as your mind went back to the steamy scene of Yuegym’s body pressed against yours as he leaned in to kiss you.

“N-no!” You said back, but he had heard your hesitant tone and unsteady gaze.

“Have you been doing more than just hanging out with them?” He asked, licking his lips. Your heart dropped.

“It’s none of your business!” It came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. “So what if I hangout with them and something happened? It’s not like our relationship has been that serious anyway.” You spat, anger boiling the pit of your stomach.

Jungkook’s eyes were wide and his jaw set in anger.  

“It is my business if you’ve been hoeing around with other guys. Is that way you have been avoiding me?”

Your face went pale in shock, your shoulders sagging. Had he really just called you a cheater to your face? You could tell he was already regretting his words by the way he was biting his bottom lip and shuffling uncomfortably.

Setting your jaw, you let the anger inside you control your next words. “You know what? Fuck you, Jeon Jungkook. You can go jack off by yourself.” You spat angrily, stomping away from him and leaving before he could say anything else.

You made sure to slam the door behind you, not caring if everyone could hear. You already felt stupid for how this whole fight started. Why couldn’t you have just put the phone down and focused on your boyfriend? He obviously was nervous about his performance and needed someone to ease his discomfort.

Shame started to build up in your chest leaving Jungkook alone, but you were too flushed to go back. Instead, you went off to find somewhere quiet for you to gather your thoughts.

You didn’t watch the concert. But, you could hear the screaming through the walls of thousands of adoring fans. You felt like an idiot for not treating your boyfriend how he deserves. You did love him. But, you’d just been distant since he was so busy.

You already felt terrible for what happened since you could now see a way out of both of your dilimas. But, once the concert was over and you finally gained the courage to go out and talk to him, he walked past you without a word.

All the members were sweaty and exhausted from the lively concert, immediately collapsed onto the couches in the dressing room and gulping down water. You tried to make eye contact with Jungkook but he avoids your gaze. Namjoon looked between you, obviously seeing the tension going on, but he said nothing.

The silent treatment continued all that night and the drive back to the hotel. You were curious to see if he would actually come to bed with you. But, at 1 AM he still hadn’t come to bed. Grabbing your phone from the nightstand, you texted Taehyung to see if he knew where Jungkook was.

Taehyung: He’s in bed with me tonight. He said he doesn’t want to talk to you right now. I’m sorry. Hopefully Namjoon can help us sort through this tomorrow.

Hot tears streamed down your face as you read it. Jungkook never went to bed without you. He was so clingy and always had to have his arms wrapped around your waist and his legs entwined with yours. It felt weird without him there. Swallowing down the lump in your throat, you set the phone aside and turned over in the bed.

All the members were uncomfortable with the fight that happened. So, it was no surprise the very next morning Namjoon had everyone gather in the living area of his hotel room so they could talk.

“So, that fight that happened yesterday before the show,” Namjoon started, sitting cross legged on the floor. “That wasn’t professional at all. I understand you two are going through some stuff right now. But, talking about it right before a show is just bad timing. Jungkook was unfocused during the whole performance and we want to give our best to our fans. They were lined up outside waiting for days for us and we couldn’t let them down.”

The shame you felt the other night came crashing back down and then some. You looked up at Jungkook who was sitting across from you and managed to catch his gaze for a brief second. “I’m sorry, hyung.” He said scratching the back of his neck.

“We should have talked about it afterwards.” He looked up at you. “Look, if you want to have other guy friends, I get it. Maybe I’m just sensitive. But, I just want you to realize how I feel about it.”

“And I think it’s okay for her to have these other friends. I love got7, they’re great.” Jimin said, leaning forward in his chair. “But, I do get what Jungkook is saying about remembering to spend time with him and including him since he is your boyfriend.”

You nodded, your cheeks growing warm from all the discussion about you. “I’m sorry, Jungkook.” You said, your voice quiet. “Really, I realize now how dumb it was of me to spend so much time talking and hanging out with them and pushing you away. You don’t deserve that at all.”

You paused, feeling awkward when no one said anything. “I love you,” you said, catching Jungkook’s gaze. He gave you a small, lopsided smile back.

“Well, hopefully we’re all better now.” Yoongi said with a yawn, still not totally awake. “I’m going back to bed, we have a few days off before we leave for the next concert.”

Everyone slowly began to leave, the conversation turning light hearted with laughter filling the room. Soon, it was just you and Jungkook sitting across from each other.

He looked at you, blushing slightly. “Well, that was . . . weird.”

You nodded. “Yeah, let’s not fight like that again. I couldn’t sleep last night without you next to me.”

“Oh my god! Me too! Taehyung kept mumbling in his sleep and grabbing onto me.”

You both laughed as you got up and held hands as you walked back to your hotel room. “I wouldn’t mind talking a nap.” Jungkook admitted as you went back into the room. He pulled you into his arms and pressed a kiss to your lips.

You smiled up at him. “Sounds good to me.”

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