#i wasn't very depressed the last few times gotta say

[tardis--dreams]

HELL YEAH that's what i call some good old post concert depression! This is how it should feel!!

[thelemoncoffee]

excuse me i'm just going to just copy/paste some rambling i sent on discord and call it a post. this is loooonnggg and kinda incoherent

stupid self indulgence is stupid but sometimes i think about an au where half way through his second year at HPA, Kokichi decides to drop out because he can't keep up with the image he made for himself. like he spends a whole year and a half being the asshole class clown of the class, but this is on top of having nearly dropped out of his previous school (hc: military adjacent) because they didn't like him there either due to his differing ideals for what a leader looks like. he's human and despite being very good at covering up his pain, there's still only so much he can take, so when he finally reaches that breaking point he drops out of HPA and just goes home

he told no one at HPA, just one day he was there and the next he's gone and never comes back again. he spends his time at home doing more with his families, both DICE and blood, as well as trying to find himself a job that doesn't suck major balls. he's lowkey depressed that he gave up so hard on his dream of becoming the best leader he could possibly be, but the road to it he'd been carving was insanely self destructive because he by nature can't follow the rules.

i can just kinda imagine the conversation he had with his parents about it before dropping out. his explanation is; 1) he isn't being taught new things on how to be a leader because HPA expects him to just figure it out on his own with the tools they give him. 2) he can't get but one person in the whole school to actually follow his lead (Gonta) and he thinks he's far too nice of a person to be dragged around like that. 3) because of his paranoia no one there really likes him so he's constantly fighting with people and digging his hole deeper- which he fully take credit for, he knows it's his fault- and if he were to ever stop no one would believe him at this point and it wouldn't change how they see him. 4) he's doing all of this just for a little paper that says he's the former ult leader, but really what the fuck kind of job would accept a vague ass title like that- and even if they did how many would his leadership actually be fit for?

to him, he's failed his mission to become the greatest leader, and he knows it's he himself who's to blame. DICE also can't last forever because while they may remain friends, they'll all grow up and get their own jobs they gotta focus on, some have already, and what little leadership he has to his name will fizzle away into weekend hangouts. he decides maybe he can go to a collage instead to get a degree in something he's good at, maybe a few different ones- just rummage through his bag of skills till he finds something that works. i really really like thinking about Kokichi's self image and how it affects how he handles being outside of HPA

i imagine he'd still have contact with only two people in total from HPA; Miu and Kaz (Kaz makes sense in my hcs i swear). Shuichi ended up finding out about what had happened to Kokichi from Miu and decided to try and get into contact with him again, which surprised the hell out of Kokichi because he thought Shuichi would be one of the people glad to see him gone- what with all the headaches and bullshit he put him through. little did he know- Shuichi's just as stubborn as he is……. and also he fell hard for him but that's totally beside the point

this is mostly about Kokichi's struggle, Shuichi prying his way back into his life is just a very pleasant bonus that makes Kokichi's life a little less hell. forces him to learn to open up to people again, something he failed to do with anyone at hpa in this au. the last time he opened up to someone that wasn't already in his close circle was when he was 16 and saved what would later become the final member of DICE, many got close but something usually stopped it before he could fully open up, making him want to open up even less

Shuichi's new. he stubborn, and really patient with him, and refuses to leave but doesn't push either. he's just there, waiting for him. he's not trying to forcefully help Kokichi better his life, but he's also not leaving him alone. he makes sure Kokichi knows he's always there for him, even if he doesn't take his help, so Kokichi can't just block him out like he tried before. luring him like a spicy kitten, he's got support, but Kokichi's gotta make an effort himself. the only thing Shuichi really ever makes any effort to push a little is trying to get Kokichi to come back to HPA, saying it's strange without him there and many people actually miss him despite what he thinks they think of him

i think it'd be wholesome if Kokichi decided to come back for the final year after both spending the last half his second year and the whole summer trying to fix his shit, and getting into contact with Kirigiri to confirm that yes he's allowed to come back without having to make up the lost time- if Rantaro can be gone half the year on trips Kokichi can be gone half a year for mental health.

actually imagine from the class's pov: half way through the year the chaos clown vanishes and it's not until like a month later everyone finds out via Miu and Shuichi that he's gone for good, then you spend the remainder of the year without him and it feels really off without his presence and some people kinda realize they didn't hate him as much as they thought, then finally you start your final year at HPA and THE CLOWN'S BACK!! but he's not the same, like some serious shit happened to him while he was gone and he's clearly not the same guy anymore… or he is, but you've never seen this side of him before, and he seems to be nervous to share it with everyone. he's the same, but totally different. he's still pranking people and telling jokes, but there's something broken and nervous there. he still lies but they're played more as jokes instead of the vile front they were before, and there's a noticeable decrease in their quantity. it's still Kokichi, but unlike before you cannot almost mistake him for a sunday cartoon villain in behavior- it's just too real, too lived, too human

but it really depends and i can see him not going back despite Shuichi's pleas too, im just a sap and i like the healthy wholesome stuff where he gets better instead of sulking in a puddle of depression

also not as important but if you want Kokichi can tell Shuichi he'll agree to come back to HPA if Shuichi pulls his shit together- ie; my hc Shuichi also has masking issues where he pretends to be a highly agreeable people pleaser and bottles all his anger and lets himself be a pushover, and Kokichi knows this so he only makes the deal if Shuichi can better himself the way Kokichi has been. mutual luring into healthier lives. it'd also mean Shuichi comes back from summer break a bit different as well and continues to become more different over the year

okay i'm done now

[kiankiwi]

⟡⋆˚✿˖°ִ ༘࣪⋆ Request! ⟡⋆˚✿˖°ִ ༘࣪⋆

I was wondering, can you make Cg!Elvis with newborn!reader who’s sensitive, clingy, struggles with anxiety and depression if you can!

(HC?)

⟡⋆˚✿˖°ִ ༘࣪⋆ thank you for you time! ⟡⋆˚✿˖°ִ ༘࣪⋆

- ( #cg!elvis )

Decided to do a fic this time instead of a headcannon!

*

Elvis had a feeling you'd slip today, over the last few days you were just not yourself. You have struggled with anxiety and depression for a while and he could tell you were headed for a spiral. It was inevitable and he knew it was soon. And usually to cope with it, you regress to a very babylike state. Even though Elvis knew you were going to most likely slip sooner rather than later, he had a lot of work to do that he couldn't get out of, despite wanting to just take care of you. But he made sure that Jerry could hang out with you and you wouldn't be alone whenever you did end up slipping.

Jerry has never had to deal with you upset. Mainly because he was the fun uncle that spoiled you and gave you almost whatever you asked for. But today you were just too upset. "Baby girl, I don't know what the problem is, you're gonna have to help me out." Jerry said as he was holding you chest to chest on the couch in the Jungle Room as you cried and pushed your hands against his chest. "Wan' daddy!" you screamed. "I know sweetheart, I know you do. But daddy's with the Colonel right now." You screamed. You hated the Colonel, he took your daddy away from you all the time, usually when you needed him. And it just wasn't fair. "I know. He's a meanie huh." Jerry kissed your forehead.

"Here, do you want to rock with Jer, hm?" Jerry took you over to the spare rocking chair in the Jungle Room and sat in it with you. You fought him immediately as you tried to cradle you. "Oh okay, you wanna sit up and look around?" You sat on his knee and pointed to the door of the room, "Daddy?" "No, sweetheart, daddy's not home yet, do you want to call him, talk to him?" You nodded. You were feeling like trash mentally and you loved Jerry but you wanted daddy. He made you feel safest. All you wanted to do was cry and cry to your daddy. That's all you needed.

"Hello?" You heard your daddy's wonderful voice on the line. "Jer, what's going on man?" You held back the scream you wanted to let out.

"Hey, E, I know you're busy but we got an upset bubba. She seems to not want anything to do with me and is really just missing you. Can you just talk to 'er for me? You're on speaker."

Jerry let you hold the phone as Elvis spoke to you. "Baby, what's the matter? What's got you so upset darlin'?" "Daddy! I got the scary feeling 'gain!!" You yelled, rubbing your tiny hand over your chest.

Elvis immediately knew from experience that the 'scary feeling' was your anxiety. You often slipped from feeling anxious or depressed. "It's alright sweetie, we've been through this before and what does daddy always say? You're at home. You are safe. And daddy and Jerry will never let anything happen to you."

"B-but--" Elvis cut you off. "Aht, baby, remember don't play the what if game, that just makes the scary feeling worse."

"Daddy come home? H-h-hold me."

"Baby, take a big breath for me. In and out, remember. You can do it." You and Elvis practiced a few rounds of deep breaths. "Good job lovie. I'm sure Jerry's holding you right?" "Want you..." You whined. "I know sweet girl but daddy's hard at work in the studio working on songs so I can buy you all your little things okay? But Jer is there with you and I'll be home so soon." He didn't tell you when more because he didn't want to break a promise and besides, you were too little to understand the concept of time anyway. "Daddy! Want my daddy!" You screamed. You began screaming again as Elvis revealed he couldn't come home.

He couldn't take it, you were upset and he just couldn't have that. He just couldn't. He was s"Colonel," He yelled. "I gotta go. YN is upset." "There's no way, boy, we still have work to do!" He said, blocking the door to the studio.

"I don't care, Parker. My baby is upset and won't calm down. That means she needs her daddy. So, I'm going. End of story. Now get out of my way!"

In his haste to tell the Colonel he was leaving, he forgot to end the call and Jerry and you heard every word of the Colonel being put in his place.

"Hear that baby, daddy's coming home to figure out what's wrong!" Jerry said as you whimpered on his shoulder. "You'll be alright sweetie."

Thirty minutes later, Elvis came home and searched his mansion. "Jerry? Princess?" He yelled. "In here!" Jerry yelled from the jungle room. "Daddy!" You yelled, starting to sob all over again now that your daddy was home and close to you. You could tell you were getting more fuzzy by the second; feeling yourself drop even more from your current toddler headspace into a babyspace.

Elvis ran in and opened his arms to you. "Hi sweet girl! Hi honey, what's the matter? What's got you so sad?" You just continued to sob as Jerry handed you over and you snuggled into your daddy's arms.

You were too little to tell him why you were sad and anxious in the first place. You barely knew the reason yourself. All you knew is the anxious feeling started when you woke up from your nap and daddy was gone and Jerry was watching you.

"Okay baby, if you can't tell me what's wrong can you talk with your hands please?" It took you a minute to get your shaky fingers to cooperate but you eventually signed Scary, Sad and Chest to tell him your anxiety was sitting in your chest.

"Okay so you still have that scary feeling and it's sitting in your chest?" You nodded, fisting his shirt in your hands. "Okay okay baby, you're okay, I promise you're okay?" You shoved your face into your daddy's shoulder, just holding on to him.

"Was she like this the whole time?" Elvis asked. Jerry nodded. "I think she just got anxious when she woke up from her nap and found you were home, not me." You nodded wordlessly into daddy's shoulder.

"Is that it?" He cooed to you. You nodded again. "I'm so sorry baby, I'm home now, I'm not leaving again." You hugged him tight and finally took a deep breath.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

I’m so excited for ur Jetiri au 🤭🤭🤭

Me fucking too. And just because you asked, why don't we move the draft I've been working on right over here for you. I'm assuming you mean my modern au wheelchair Jake jeytiri shit, so that's what this is:

Quick recap from the Tommy post:

-Tommy was on a four year job with Grace studying botany in the rainforest in Brazil when Jake was paralyzed. Jake knew how excited he was about this once in a lifetime experience, and basically threatened to end Norm if he tattled to Tommy.

-Norm's solution was getting Jake into Mo'at's free clinic on a favor. He'd volunteered there a lot while he was getting his medical degree and ended up liking it so much he works there when he's got a free moment between research and projects. So he has a tiny bit of leeway to beg for a spot for Jake from Mo'at and Sylwanin.

-Jake is not the normal clientele for the free clinic. They are on the edge of the reservation, and mostly only cater to the native population and those nearby. Sylwanin tells Norm this, but Mo'at is pretty sure this'll work out. She can just tell that for some reason they need Jake just as much as he needs them.

-When Jake first shows up, Neytiri has last minute replaced Sylwanin for the month because she had to fill in for a doctor who had to go on emergency leave a few counties over. Jake will later insist this was divine intervention, whereas at the time Neytiri was fairly sure she was being punished.

-Neytiri is eighteen and freshly graduated from high school, and completely sure she does NOT want to work in the free clinic for the rest of her life. She isn't exactly sure what she will do, but it'll be something big and life changing.

-Jake is twenty-two and his life is over. He went from being a promising young marine one second, to being a burden on everyone around him the next. And now even this girl at the clinic is forced to deal with him when she wasn't supposed to.

-They start of very slow, with halfhearted attempts at weightlifting that Jake's heart is clearly not in very much. Neytiri starts to get a little more invested. She insists that he needs more wheelchair dexterity training, and stands on the back of his chair and makes Jake cart her around to all her other patients for a week. At first it was a joke but it quickly becomes a floor is lava type situation, where if she touches the ground she looses. She takes them swimming in the pond, forces Tsu'tey to help her create a wheelchair obstacle course and then makes he and Neytiri take turns racing Jake through it, takes him to an archery range for the arm strength.

-They start to get more and more ridiculous as she becomes pretty sure what Jake needs is to realize he can still do everything he wants. They go skydiving, play paintball, and go on a hike when Norm manages to rig a chair with wheels that go outdoors better.

-O b v i o u s l y one of the most important tests/exercises they do regularly is just like, making sure his dick works. Just to check. Gotta be sure.

-When Sylwanin comes back and asks her mother where Neytiri is so she can say hi, Mo'at rolls her eyes. Sylwanin is then almost run over by the classic daily Neytiri and Jake wheelchair race, who both then start demanding Mo'at declare them the winner. Mo'at picks Jake because she loves bothering Neytiri (and her soft spot for Jake is as well hidden as the sun) and Neytiri once again blames his experience and they bicker as she jumps on Jake's lap for a ride to her next patient.

-Sylwanin: ...wha-

Mo'at: shhhhh. Let it happen.

-The not so secret reason that Jake was at the clinic was less for his recovery and more for the literal depression he clearly had. It was Norm's "I will not rat you out to Tommy" condition. Jake considers himself all cured of that shit now, Norm, but everyone else isn't so sure. They all have come to love (and be super annoyed by) Jake and Neytiri together, but it's important Jake is able to be not depressed without Neytiri there.

-Jake: psh, why do I need to be happy without Neytiri?

Norm: because it's normal and healthy, Jake.

Jake: okay but what you are asking for is literally impossible.

-They give him a week. A week at home, NO NEYTIRI. The week does pass, and it actually goes well for Jake. He takes some independent trips in his brand new Norm finagled (bc the real ones are crazy expensive) Jake drivable truck, he works out on his own, reconnects with his old friend Trudy from the marines. He feels competent. He can't help but feel like he owes that confidence to Neytiri.

-Neytiri is noticeably sulking around the clinic, to the point that Sylwanin almost ALMOST calls Jake for her. It's insane. They're known each other for like three months at this point. Sylwanin has known her fiance her entire life, and she loves Tsu'tey, but sometimes he drives her crazy. They survived her month away, and she has work trips often.

-When Jake pulls back up to the clinic on his own in his own truck, they have the most dramatic reunion ever. It's like something out of a romcom. The regulars HAVE to applaud.

-It's to almost no ones surprise that when Jake announces his intention to head out traveling, Neytiri announces she'll be going with him. They spend the summer sending pictures from Niagara Falls, The Great Canyon, Arashiyama Bamboo Grove, the black sand beaches in Iceland, The Great Barrier Reef, Vaadhoo Island and many other places.

-They return happy, married, and pregnant; again, to no ones surprise (although Sylwanin manages to muster up a little outrage).

-Norm is so close to ratting Jake out to Tommy at this point.

[doctorstrangereview]

0011: Mini-sode bonus! Fantastic Four #27

Cover Date: June 1964 On-Sale Date: March 10, 1964

As promised in the final caption of the previous Doctor Strange story, our magician guest stars in this issue of Marvel's flagship series, Fantastic Four. This is Doc's first appearance outside his own series establishing him as a presence in the larger Marvel shared universe. Make no mistake, this is a Fantastic Four story in which the good Doctor has a small, but significant role. We get to see Jack Kirby's interpretation of the character. I don't particularly like it.

The story begins as a typical FF yarn. Reed has invented and is testing some new gadget. Ben tries it out and hilarity ensues. Reed's mental projector has shown an image of Sue. Ben and Johnny chide Reed for not having popped Sue the question yet to which Reed responds he's going ring shopping that very afternoon.

Coincidently, Namor is brooding about Sue in Atlantis. If he had Sue as his queen, he could deal with the fact that his terrible personality has driven away nearly all of his subjects. Damn, Namor! That's some serious shit!

While Reed is out ring shopping, Namor invades the Baxter Building. Apparently Reed hasn't upgraded the security yet. After easily overcoming Ben and Johnny, he kidnaps Sue. Reed returns shortly after and wonders why his buddies are moping at the table. You see, Ben and Johnny prefer to sulk in their depression rather than immediately tell their best friend that Namor broke in and took Sue. You'd think that Johnny, an incredibly powerful hero, would immediately go after her, but sitting at a table with his head in his hands is a better use of his time.

Reed does jump into action immediately (both literally and figuratively) attempting to locate Namor. He tells Johnny and Ben all the things he should have been telling Sue over the last two years. "Uh Oh! Namor's gonna pulverize Reed if he goes alone!" says Johnny. "We gotta get there first! How we gonna do that?" replies Ben. "I got an idea!" says Johnny who flies out the window and leaves a giant flaming message in the sky for Doc. At this point, the FF aren't even sure Doc actually exists. Johnny thinks it's a good idea that this ultra-important mission be left to someone who is possibly a legend.

Fortunately for everyone, Doc does exist. He's gets Johnny's message. By looking out his window? No! He's looking into a crystal ball on a table. He immediately sits in a funky chair (Kirby and Ditko appear to agree on this point, even if Kirby's Sanctum Santorum looks nothing like Ditko's. The chair is mostly obscured by captions and dialogue so I don't know if this is a new chair or one of Ditko's previous designs.) and emits his ectoplasmic self. Kirby breaks with Ditko's convention of not having an astral version of the cloak and ghost Doc flies away, giant ghostly collar and all!

Doc sees Reed leave in a helicopter. As Reed isn't who summoned him, he walks through the walls of the Baxter Building. Fortunately, he's chosen to enter the building in the same room that Johnny and Ben are in. What Luck!

After some long-winded exchanges, Doc is aware he must locate Reed and Atlantis. He does this by reading the minds of fish. You go Doc! Give Aquaman a run for his money! He finds Atlantis and locates Namor and Sue. Being a ghost there's nothing more he can do except see Reed arrive and go "Oh, damn! I need to hurry or it'll be too late!" As Doc speeds to the surface, Reed and Namor have a funky battle.

Doc returns to the Baxter Building. He tells Johnny and Ben, "Wait an minute! I need my body to do what I need to do!" and returns a few minutes later, All-Purpose Amulet, flowing cloak, orange gloves and all! (Ditko is much better at drawing the cloak. In fact, Doc's whole look is simplified by Kirby. I guess he wasn't a big fan of the character.) "Well, you need to get there quickly! I know, I'll zap you there!" Johnny and Ben vanish in a puff of smoke and pop up in Atlantis a moment later to see Reed doing his imitation of The Legion of Superheroes Bouncing Boy evading Namor's soldiers. Ben and Johnny join the fray.

As Reed and Namor continue their battle/frottage, Johnny frees Sue. Namor attempts to drown them by flooding their chamber, but Johnny and Sue combine their wits and powers to stop it. Sue has to give a backhanded compliment to her brother. The battle becomes really protracted at this point and Namor seems to have the upper hand, but Sue is protecting her teammates with her newly discovered invisible force-field.

Doc has been watching all this time. As Sue declares that she loves Reed, not Namor, Doc zaps them away from the situation and then whisks Namor's palace to an unknown area of the sea. On their way back to the surface, Sue says cagey things about her feelings for Reed and Reed is not entirely confident about them. In a thought bubble she admits she loves Reed, but where's the drama in admitting that out loud?

It's kind of a mess, but we're here for the Doctor Strange. I think Kirby's portrayal is more or less faithful to Ditko's. I suppose it helps that Lee is involved in both to a degree. He seems to have an even larger rod up his rear than usual here. Visually, Kirby should do his best to avoid portraying Doc. I don't know if it was the colorist's choice or Kirby's, but coloring Doc green on the color was a bad idea. The issue is mainly a historical artifact that brings Doc into sync with his fellow costumed New Yorkers. It's an amusing curiosity where Doc is more of plot device amidst the ridiculous melodrama that was the earliest Fantastic Four.

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

I JUST FINISHED EPISODE FOUR AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Well technically I didn't JUST finish it I had to stressed-ly pace around my house for three minutes first xd

And then stare at a picture of an otter which was blessedly the first thing on my dash

Uh anyway :')

OVEIAIWNOHWNZLFKSMSHDBWKABWIDBAUWCNSMLQEZ????!?!!!? SOBBING SCREAMING CRYING SHAKING THROWING UP!!?!???!?!!!!!

SEB HOW COULD YOU D O THIS TO ME??? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO CARLOS?? MY BABY I LOVE YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO RIGHT NOW 😭😭😭 GIVE ME A CIRCUMSTANCE SEB I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LIKE DID SOMEONE KISS YOU AND WE'RE CALLING THAT IT BECAUSE IF IT NEVER GETS EXPLAINED THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING WITH AND I CAN MAKE WHATEVER I WANT CANON THANK YOU VERY MUCH

ALSO HOW DID THIS HAPPEN SEB YOU CAN'T LIE AND YOU WENT TO CAMP THE SECOND TO LAST DAY

AND JARRED???!?!!!!? SIR WHAT ARE YOU D O I N G HER!????!!?!!!

Okay I'm genuinely struggling to breathe a tiny bit so I'mma take a second lol

Okay I'm back :) did some breathing and a physical exercise to work some of this out lol

Anyway as soon as Seb said he had something to tell Carlos I got SUPER nervous and I was pausing so much but as soon as I started to say it and I saw the subtitles I literally screamed and his for like 3 minutes straight 😭 xd. Y'all I am living my worst life right now lol xd.

WHEN I ASKED FOR SEBLOS ANGST THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!!

But uh anyway I knew Seb was in a knight outfit (boy we had no idea what that promo pic meant 😭) so I was wondering if the pumpkin was someone he sent or MAYBE him, and then I was thinking a) it's Big Red (especially after interrupting Ashlyn and Maddox around the time I was thinking this) b) it's the person Seb cheated with or c) it's both (awful, worst possible option for anything about this situation). And THEN I was like okay so Jarred, is this the dancer, an ex, the guy he cheated with, or both Carlos's ex AND the guy Seb cheated with. Luckily it's just the dancer xd. Not great news, still, but, you know lol.

Frankie wasn't lying when he said these first few episodes were an episode of Housewives 😭

Boy those episodes really can Housewives 😭 xD

Anyway, uhh, I was depressed in the first half but hoping they'd talk and just not come to a total understanding yet, but then by the end I was screaming throwing up losing my mind :) also I'm pretty sure we don't get Seb next episode so :') because now I need to watch HIM beg lol, even it out xD

Also if we don't get Over Again till the last or second to last episode I freaking swear-

ANYWAY! This is not just a seblos post XD. This is an episode four post lol.

Rina is going THROUGH IT 😭😭. I gotta say Ricky I think you should make it clear that Miss Jenn wanted to switch Dani in lol, not you xd. And I also wish they'd both managed to tell each other about the various situations 😬. When Mack first mentioned it I thought Ricky overheard and I went o.o but xd. Also I know you were in front of everyone but Gina why didn't you just explain the mom thing DD:. Poor Ricky he's going through it for real :((. And with college and everything too :'( D':. Anyway they were cute for a bit this episode and they slayed but xdd 😭. I love them <33.

ASHLYN GIRLLL WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGG!!! Like lowkey 👀👀👀👀 but also girl Big Red 😭😭💔. Unless it was him and Seb in which case I don't think I or this friend group would ever recover but also idk if there would be a need to escalate nonetheless lol- aUAGH ESCALATE THAT REMINDS ME OF SEB-

Whoops sorry lol 🤪 that was so crazy wild 😌

Anyway :D that SONG THOUGHHH!! It was a bop :DD!!! Also not Ashlyn crying when she thought Maddox wasn't okay 😭😭😭💔. Y'all I'm not okay, thank you very much <333

And 😬😬 there's confirmation that Mad and Mad are down - or, as Maddox said lol, bad xd. Sorry guys :(((

Kourtney honey DD:. I swear that's how I start her part every episode XD. At least it's not multiple y's on either word this time lol. Anyway, I'm glad she went out 🥰🥰. I was scared she'd just stay in :((. But while she's CLEARLY stressing, I'm so happy she went to the party and had fun with them :D. And I do think she should look outside of Ivy Leagues, I think something will definitely come from that in some way :).

And speaking of Kourtney SLFKGFJSHDK JET!!! Man is trying his best but it was HILARIOUS lol xDD. Also his moment with Ricky was great xD. But seriously my guy, nice, smooth lol xd. ~Fabric~. Also, little sus over there calling Mack and Ricky hot one after the other xDD. Anyway lol. Also it's really sweet that he helped Maddox with the prank to make it up to her :')) 🥰❤️. I love them so much your honor, thank you very much <3. Another point to that is Maddox's reaction to Ashlyn saying Emmy probably has a crush on him lol xD.

Miss Jenn DD:. I'm sorry honey :((. I'm sorry to Ricky's dad too, he's been great this season DD':. And he's such a MOOD too lol xD. But yeah, honestly, they just don't work great together :'//. And I mean I've wanted them to break up but it was still sad :'( 😭 and I didn't wanna see it I didn't deserve it xD. But nah I'm glad we saw it lol, it's for the best. I'll miss y'all though <33. But not too much xD. Oh and her scene with Ricky and the end was amazing :'DD. I think she's calling Mr. Mazzaraaaa? Idk but I think so and anyway I really loved the scene :'D. Also slay costume lol.

Slay costume EVERYONE y'all were all amazing :DD!!! Everyone slayed so hard they brought the house down 🥰🥰❤️😍🤩✨🥰.

Missing you EJ, Mr. Mazzara, Nini, and Emmy :)). Love you guys <333. Though from the picture on the next episode bit after finishing episode four it looks like EJ's gonna be in the next one :O!!! We love that for us :DD!!!

Anyway yeah xD. Everyone's going through it lol. But I hate to break it to you guys, Carlos is going through it more 😭 xD. Like y'all his boyfriend's been icing him out supposedly because he thinks Carlos cheated on him and when he's finally willing to talk Carlos finds out that Seb cheated on him, and that the lowkey creepy person who bothered him a bit during the night was the person he was accused of, in a documentary that was streamed world wide, is there and wants to be with him. Just. Wow xd. Leave this man ALONE!! Like in the angst department 😭. I mena I love it but come on xdd. Anyway lol!! They seriously are all going through it though lol xD.

Anyway!! This episode was absolutely AMAZING and I loved and despised it :DD. How could you do this to me :')). The music was amazing (y'all that first song was SO FREAKING COOL!!! I loved it it was wild :DDD)!! Both songs were so good, and COMPLETE opposites lol. Despite partially being about the same thing xD. Like storyline wise lol (as in at least a bit about Ashlyn and Maddox being sus). Anyway! The drama was off the CHARTS and it was just a really good episode all around :)). I did genuinely enjoy it lol xdd. Still though, I am going to kill someone <3. I don't know who, but somebody :) xd. And Carlos is death so he's in on it, he'll help me with it lol.

Anyway xD. It was great. I am so freaking scared for the next episode and episodes, thank you :')). But SO EXCITED!! Still dying though lol <333.

NEXT UP IS EPISODE FIVE!!!

[storyofmychoices]

39. If your OCs has/had a child, who would be the stricter parent?

Hi, Nonny, thanks for the ask! ❤️❤️❤️

Bryce & Olivia:

When Malia is younger, definitely Olivia, but as she gets older, definitely Bryce. Bryce is the cool dad until Malia has her first crush, and then he's like, "Nope, you're grounded for life and don't leave the house." He kinda panics, and Liv has to calm him down. Both Bryce and Olivia are stricter with Malia than Makoa. By the time Koa was born, both Bryce and Olivia felt more comfortable being parents and didn't think they were going to fail every second so they could be take a little bit of a breath so they were a little less strict with Koa. But his aunt Keiki loves her little Koa, and the two of them get into lots of trouble. (I guess I gotta get on thinking about their third child. I haven't gotten that far yet 🙈)

Ethan & Ellie

Ethan is stricter with Hudson. He wants to protect him from all trouble in the world and all pain and heartbreak, so he definitely is a bit overprotective. Ellie isn't sure if this is because Ethan is naturally protective of his child or if it's her fault (it's not). Ellie had an easy pregnancy with Hudson but suffered postpartum depression that lasted a few months with lingering symptoms for a bit longer, so she had a hard time with Hudson for the first. Once it passed, she was a very active and protective mother. However, it was her postpartum that also led to her and Ethan waiting a few years before trying again. She wanted to make sure she got the help she needed, but also that her and Ethan had the time to enjoy Hudson and making sure he is safe and healthy (as well as Ellie) before trying again and welcoming their second baby boy.

Thomas & Alex

I feel like these two have a very good and balanced parenting style. Alex is fun and silly and will make sure they have fun without going too far. She knows when to give into the twins and when to say enough. Thomas who has always been more reserved, but when he met the twins, his whole life changed. A part of him he didn't know he had appeared. He found he had so much capacity to love, and these two precious babies took his whole heart and held it in their hands. His heart wasn't his anymore. He is strict but only to the extent of protecting them. He wouldn't let harm come to them. He is happy to play with them and give into their silly requests .

Whenever there is discipline, Thomas and Alex really try to have a united front. They don't want one of them to be the "bad" or "strict" parent. They want both children to know they love them and that they would do anything to protect them. They make sure they discuss anything important together and try not to make any rash decisions. This united front is really important to the success of their future careers where they alternate taking projects, which means that whoever isn't working is the "main" parent.

Mal & Daenarya

For them, it depends on the child, for Rayden and Lydo, definitely Daenarya. Lydo is such a mini-Mal that she knows he has the potential to find trouble even when not meaning it, so she is stricter with them. Mal kinda thinks they're just fun to hang out with and sees a younger version of himself in them (especially Lydo) so he sometimes wrongly encourages him to take some risks in the name of fun and adventure.

Once their daughter is born, Mal definitely flips because he kind of panics when he realizes he is now responsible for something so little , precious, and innocent. He had no idea he could help create someone so perfect and yet now be responsible for her.

Thanks for the ask! I hope I covered whichever OCs you wanted. If you're looking for anyone else, please let me know 💖💖💖💖

[OC Ask Questions]

[deeahhnuh]

2024!

I’ve done this year-in-review thing since 2007! 2007-2012 are over on my old LiveJournal, and 2013-on are right here on my Tumblr. :)

It's not quite the end of the year - but close enough! :)

What did you do in 2024 that you’d never done before?

I'm a predictable gal. Nothing new lol!

—

Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn't make any formal-like resolutions, but I do have a perennial "stay and/or get healthy" hope in mind at the start of each new year, so there's that!

—

Did anyone close to you give birth?

No new little ones. Just all of us getting older lol! :)

—

Did anyone close to you die?

Very thankfully, no.

—

What countries did you visit?

Lol none

—

What would you like to have in 2025 that you lacked in 2024?

A few things, but what I do have is wonderful. ❤️

—

What date(s) from 2024 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Well, December 21 marked ten years since I graduated from the University of Maryland! It lives in my heart as one of those precious, perfect days, filled with celebration and love. I loved my time at UMD and that day was a beautiful way to close it out! A few less-precious dates from 2024 will stick with me - health thingies, see below ugh! - but since December 21 was yesterday, I'll just talk about that, lol.

—

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Continuing to not completely mangle my bangs/hair is something I feel pretty good about, ha!

—

What was your biggest failure?

Lol no failures really, more like learning experiences!

—

Did you suffer illness or injury?

I managed to sustain a right ulnar nerve injury in early February, and let me tell you, I do not recommend it!! Pain, numbness, and weakness in my right hand and fingers ensued. Great care means I'm on the mend, but it could take a couple years to really heal. Keeping my fingers crossed - no pun intended! ;)

—

What was the best thing you bought?

I usually say "music," because true, and it is not gonna be any different this year!

—

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My mama! She always merits celebration, so duh. :) ❤️

—

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The saying "if you're not angry, you're not paying attention" kept coming to mind this year - even a quick watch of the news is sure enough to thoroughly appall and depress.

—

Where did most of your money go?

Health things ugh lol - but I made sure to spend a few coins on some fun things too!

—

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Love me some occasions, no matter how little - from Valentine's Day to the Christmas season, birthdays and more, it's nice to have an excuse to celebrate!

—

What song will always remind you of 2024?

Lots!! My "Deanna's iPod Hits: 2024" playlist (all the tunes I loved over the year) is long and, if I may say so, full of bops.

—

Compared to this time last year (2023), are you:

About the same I guess - fair to middling! :)

—

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Always want to listen to new music/movie/TV releases, but lately I keep going back to older faves. I do find myself listening to old releases that are new to me, but it's the new new tunes I need to spin too!

—

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worry! But old habits die hard. :)

—

How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas is in a few days and I anticipate much ham and fam. :)

—

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2024?

Wasn't too cringe-y this year, yay!

—

How many one-night stands?

Lol no

—

What was your favorite TV program?

I have trash taste so I gotta have my 'toons, like Family Guy and American Dad! (faves); then there's Bravo's smorgasbord of Real Housewives and other assorted silly shows. As for less stupid TV, I really liked Monsieur Spade (not just 'cause of Clive Owen, but...). Gutted that What We Do In The Shadows is dunzo!

—

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2024?

Put-together enough! :)

—

What kept you sane?

My fave media lol - all the music, all the movies, all the TV!

—

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Ain't nobody got time for that!

—

What was the best book you read in 2024?

Gotta do some good reading in 2025! :)

—

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Got really into '80s remix/extended/dance music compilations!

—

What did you want and get?

Like I said earlier here, the things I have are wonderful. Of course there are things that could be less "eh," but I have what I need right now!

—

What did you want and not get?

See above!

—

What was your favorite film of this year?

New stuff didn't really resonate with me this year, but I really enjoyed rewatching the ol' faithful holiday-time movies all year long! Ya got The Quiet Man for St. Patrick's Day, Harvey for Easter, Independence Day (it's a holiday movie to me!) for, well, Independence Day... I know I'm forgetting some... and then there's the Halloween binge-a-thon (including my fave Young Frankenstein) and finally - Christmas movies!!

Related: I love how there's a Jimmy for all seasons, or at least most of them. Jimmy Stewart stars in Harvey (Easter - the rabbit, duh) and Bell, Book and Candle (kinda Halloween, kinda Christmas, but we watch it for Halloween!) - and is of course king George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life!

—

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Not much lol - a low-key good time of tasty treats and watchin' movies! 38!

—

What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I can think of a few things but it's all a learning experience, and there's always next year lol!

—

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

—

I had never noticed Oliver Reed before this year but dude was hot!

What political issue stirred you the most?

"If you're not angry, you're not paying attention." Like I said - that kept coming to mind all year. Things are not good!

—

Who did you miss?

I really do like what I said here a couple of years ago: "Family - those we’ve lost, and those who are simply not near. ❤️" It's true and I feel it so much.

—

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2024?

Gotta keep hoping!!

—

What quote can be used to sum up your year?

It's from Family Guy, I'm afraid, lol! A woman turns a page in a library copy of Wuthering Heights and finds a booger wiped in it by Peter: "Oh come on, I want so little!"

On that note lol - Happy New Year, Tumblr!! :)

[taintedlxve]

Wild that this was posted when I wasn't around to defend myself. Apologies to the person who sent me this I feel like they were trying to reassure me but all it did was make me mad lol.

Anyways, I'm mentally ill and reading this shit kind of fucked up my day and since I just can't let shit go without correcting the record I'm just gonna go over some things rq and go back to my hiatus. You don't gotta read, but I was called a liar repeatedly and I'm not gonna let that sit.

A lot of Awoo's post screams out to me as "i'm taking accountability but not really" and I just want to point out places where I feel she's being disengenuous and go back to my hiatus bc I had a good vibe going until now lmao.

I'm skipping the really long explanation about why she never followed me, frankly as I've said before my problems with her extend past that entirely and at this point I don't think it matters that much.

I'll just say this, we had a private conversation in which I made it expressly clear it was okay to come to me about something if she felt she had a problem the LAST time she blocked me for no reason (to be clear to this day I don't know what the hell I was supposed to be sorry for?) after I decided to just unfollow her from her breedingacademy sideblog bc she was replying to other folks' stuff and seemed to just ignore mine. She apologized for this and said she'd do better and I believed her. This, primarily, why I didn't reach out at first.

Further in the post she mentions the vent I wrote that was, in fact, 1000% about her. Ngl I forgot I even wrote it and was surprised by how recently it was. I dunno if I'm really sorry about what I said, it's how I felt at the time and just given the context of how I've allowed you to treat me I simply don't trust you like that anymore.

To be clear I had a LOT of dropped threads at the time or wasn't getting responses at all and that was actively fucking with me and making me wanna quit entirely, but Awoo's behavior stuck with me bc she was one of the few whose responses flooded my dash and I just wouldn't be included. Not saying she's lying but frankly frankly even if it was true Idk what to tell you cause that wasn't the reason she gave at the time.

You very much did say "it's nobody's fault" and "my brain works differently" since you're accusing me of malicously taking you out of context and/or misremembering, but unfortunately I can't access the reply in the image attached bc it's been removed. I'll link it here, maybe something's fucky with my tumblr, I thought it might have been from the blog she ended up deleting but nah it takes me back to her current so -shrug-.

To go into further explanation about what she said (bc obviously I wasn't going to commit a post to photgraphic memory in a vent post) it was something to the effect of "sorry, that's just not how my brain works. once you tell me you're tired of something my brain just labels it as 'avoid at all costs'. It's nobody's fault but…" etc. etc.

She mentions she's autistic, which, I know?? She's mentioned it several times over the last 10 years. Most of my friends are neurodivergent with needs unmet. I'm autistic and soon to be tested for ADHD with needs unmet. I understand that life and socialization is extremely difficult for neurodivergent people.

My partner literally has avpd but she understands that ignoring people bc they make her anxious hurts those people and she takes steps to do what she's able to to circumvent those obstacles bc she cares about those people. I'm really over this self-infantilization people leap to to avoid being criticized the negatives things done because of their neurodivergence. Reminds me of when Sara would beef with everyone on dash and say 'Oh it's my depression'.

And it's not like you were unable to communicate. When I said I was playing fem!Izuku is like the ONLY time I've ever had you reach out to me in my DMs unprompted

Sure, maybe I missed the point of your callout post, whatever, but the point of my message was literally all I've ever asked of you was like, to talk to me and you blocked me without communicating again. The diff is I'm just over being gaslit into being nice and feeling like it's my fault.

You trying to push the responsibility back onto me with a "Oh well she never asked if she had a problem with me" in spite of the fact that I went SO far out of my way to accommodate you to the point of giving you different Cyr icons bc you were squicked out by hair covering eyes just puts the nastiest fucking taste in my mouth and it makes me mad tbh.

I cannot stress how much I'm always the one people expect to make the first move and how sick of it I am, that's why I didn't come to you. I'm not a 'coward', I just was done bowing and scraping for people who didn't like me.

If you cared, you had my discord, and it wasn't like I blocked you first. You had ways of contacting me, and you didn't. So the rigamarole of you 'being worried for me' just doesn't pass my smell test, sorry.

Maybe it does make me hypocrite to smell bs when I see it but it definitely doesn't make me gullible.

The rest is just her demanding an apology from me (nah, you first bitch) but, and I wanna be explicitly clear, the feeling is very mutual, I want nothing to do with this chick.

I wanna be very clear that the end result of this was never to rebuild a friendship with Awoo bc again, once she blocked me I realized this wasn't even the bulk of my problem with her, it was the last straw.

I'm don't wanna be friends with someone who publically calls me me disengenuous and makes me feel so bad I end up apologizing.

Or, again, someone who blocks me when I just say "oh, this person doesn't seem to want to interact on this sideblog so I'll just unfollow"

Maybe you're not like that anymore, or your neurodivergence makes you that way, but I just don't want people like that in my life anymore, and I'm done letting people make me feel small for standing up for myself.

I'll cop to calling you a bad person and saying you hate me bc a lot of that was me being in my feelings and I'm not a mind reader, nor do I know you well enough outside of the internet to make these claims.

But as much as you've tried to victimize yourself I 1000% stand by what I said before, I hope you don't treat you muts as shitty as you treated me.

Thank you for confirming tho that you're not sorry I think helps to know

[sleepyivoryrose]

i need to charge up my creativity...these last days I have quite a few ideas for stuff, but zero motivation for anything, spent a lot of time with napping or sleeping...

today I ate corn for lunch and now boiled potatoes with spinach...I'm still probably hungry afterwards, but I am working towards to at least eating a bit more healthy, even if it's not less.

(I am ashamed to say, that even as an adult, I am very picky with my vegetables. My grandma wasn't exactly someone who cooked a lot of it when I was a child, and my mother loves hotpots, but she cooked them on the other hand so often that I grew sick of it...my family says "Sae eats well!"...Sae eats well when the food is tasty for him. Sadly.)

But I'm trying to implement them slowly but surely in my diet (even though often I am too stubborn to eat the vegetables I bought and let them wilt. I hate when that happens, I'm such a manchild sometimes.)

And I hate wasting food. I did eat rotten food before, because I didn't want to waste it. Not very smart, I know. Actually, really fucking stupid. But when I think, that in meats case, an animal sacrificed himself so that I could live another day, I get really depressed and can't do it. It's like the animal dying was in vain, and it makes me angry.

I don't have the sheer will to turn vegetarian or even vegan, but the least I can do is honor the death of it, by making it a part of my own.

I heard that religion back in the prehistoric ages was all about being grateful for a good hunt, or having rituals so that the hunt might succeed. That included honoring the dying animal by painting it on the walls, or singing in the honor of its soul. That's also the reason why we like hearing singing with echo, like in churches or bathrooms- because the rituals were held in the caverns, and it reminds some primitive part of us of those ages. Don't quote me on that though, it's been years since I last heard of that theory.

Going back to the food talk...(sorta) It's going to be really hot again this week. I was hoping that it would be tolerable before my big appointment, but I don't seem to be in gods grace right now. Which is okay. He's already good enough with me as it is. Sometimes, you just gotta sack it up and endure.

Which means - I shouldn't go outside with this heat. Which means, of course- I can't go grocery shopping. Or at least, I got to hydrate properly before going outside, which is a giant pain in the ass (it's complicated, don't ask)

At the very least, I went outside a bit today. The sun was shining, and there were a lot of people (i was exasperated), annnd I bought a new shoujo manga. I didn't even notice it's from the same mangaka who created lovesick ellie. But I guess I was drawn to it, because it subconciously reminded me of it. "Definitly love", they call it in Germany. It's quite cute, the heroine is almost the same as last manga personality wise, but...it's kind of a guilty pleasure. You know it's not some revolutionary shit, but you keep coming back for more.

It keeps me at least a little bit sane. Inmersing myself in other worlds, I mean. I am fully aware that's it's very luxurious escapism, but...people scare me. A lot. I get half a panic attack only thinking about them getting displeased with me. Never learned how to deal with conflict I guess, only by shutting up and ignoring it.

Which most of the times doesn't make the conflict go away. Actually, most times, if it involves humans, it mutates into some atrocity. I am aware. Yet the fear is just too strong. Humans scare me so much.

Yet, how communities work, is through conflict and, generally speaking, talking things out. And I noticed that we suck in the peacefully speaking department. Our selfish nature doesn't allow us more often than not to consider other peoples feelings. I'm no different. But that's one of the many reasons why I try not to interact too much - I feel like a bother. And I am. I know it.

But as said, I need to work. I want to work, in a job, and have a healthy lifestyle and routine, and maybe even work on my self, physically and emotionally. For some reason, I never seem to change though. My advanced mental illness doesn't help to be strong, because it's a huge handicap, when you got a little monster in your head that inserts images and words in your head you don't want, and worst case scenario, materializes in form of mean, bullying voices. Thank goodness the later didn't happen for years now (As I am aware for now. Illusions are so real I can't differentiate it from the real thing.)

But yeah, I know, TMI.

Anyways, enough trauma dumping. I'm sorry if this text upset you, dear reader, and I hope you can forgive me. Hopefully this text is so long that you gave up halfway through.

At least...I hope there are no readers. I just want to be by myself. Sort things out, yknow?

But yeah. I'm getting drowsy, it's time to kick back and relax a bit.

[iridescentclaws]

x_x So many numbers to worry about. Anxious about seeing doctor again on Tuesday and also other appointments that haven't been arranged yet.

I think I'm doing okay so far. i think I'm mostly used to the needles/poking myself since it's not as bad as I thought it'd be. Fucking annoying I have to do it before every meal + before bed. At least before bed it's just for checking blood sugar but still. I miss not caring about what I had to eat. I wouldn't say my diet before was healthy but also wasn't the worst. I miss being able to eat comfortably, have sweets every now and then. I miss my microwave udon and ramen. Miss my hot cocoa. Didn't get to enjoy at least one candy cane before I got diagnosed

I did sleep okay last night, didn't wake up several times. But I still feel so tired. Feel like I have no time for anything because all this is taking up so much real estate in my head.

And I think I've been doing better to manage my feelings and stress over this. It had to have been impacting my blood sugar because I've been eating so little, doing my best to keep carbs, sugar, fats, and sodium down. Everything. Because of that it's also been a struggle to make sure I'm actually getting enough calories. It's such a headache. And all the advice I see when I google is just like "Cook a 20 ingredient dish that would take you easily an hour or more to make!"

And I know it's healithier and better that way but I just don't have the energy. I was depressed before, how do you think I feel now?

I keep telling myself to go look up recipes so we can get groceries to do so and every time I go and look I'm just feeling like "I can't do that.."

I've been having bell peppers with cream cheese and smoked salmon for the past 3 days I think it's been. I don't mind cooked bell peppers but I've been having them uncooked cause it's fast. also Idk I'm sure it would alter the nutritional values if I did. And it just sucks. Especially with such a tiny amount of cream cheese. It's the texture, a lot of foods if the texture is off I can't enjoy it. I can get it down but sometimes it's a struggle. Having shitty plain oatmeal sucked, was like eating cement. I added a bit of cinnamon but that barely helped. And I know there's more things I can add, like sweetner or fruit or whatever. but for me it's still a lot of work and thinking, and I didn't have anything like that around so that's what I had.

I've been trying to find apps and stuff to just plan meals for me but it's such a headache and a lot of them you gotta pay a subscription. I just want to be able to prepare everything without thinking so hard about it. I don't think I have dyscalculia but I'm often running numbers through my calculator over and over and over again + asking others to check my math on top of that. Re-reading over and over. I get so paranoid and its justt dfghdghhh

I just wish I could have something like dog kibble and just have that for every meal. would it still make me feel depressed just having the same shit over and over again? Maybe, but I'd KNOW for a fact I'd be getting all the nutrients I need and very easily and efficiently. So that fear is just eliminated. also sometimes watching like mukbang/food review channels while I eat helps. It makes me feel like I'm eating that instead of the fucking air I've been eating.

I'm trying so hard not to feel one way or another about this because like I said I'm worried about my stress levels affecting my blood sugar, whether or not that's something that can happen but i've been told by others it can. and ofc it was really bad those first few days and also the entire week. I feel scared to cry, to be angry, to have any kind of stressful emotions and it's making me feel so numb like I have to be a robot. having anxiety and paranoia on top of that, something I can't fully help it just makes things so hard

also i've had to take insulin every single time after I was given it. there has not been one time where it was not over 130, cause anything at that or lower I don't have to take it. But I have that and metformin and still it's been higher than that. doing my best to walk for at least an hour after every meal to help that.

i wish I could've somehow had a day to be like.. the last day I can just enjoy food and not care. I wish I could've gone to a seafood buffet one more time, had as much as I wanted. had as much sushi as I wanted, had as much dim sum as I wanted, as much soup and stew and ice cream and cake and fries and potatos.

oh well.

there's really no point in complaining about it

[beanswrites]

"My Valentine" Hawks x Reader, from MHA

I was writing the Valentine's day special MHA edition and it suddenly hit me that I wrote a super fluffy (with a bit of ✨spice✨) one-shot for Hawks a few months back. So here it is, a bit edited and modified from the last time!

masterlist | rules for requesting

Word count: 3478

Pairing: Hawks/Keigo Takami x fem! Reader

Trope: Fluff, Lemonish

Warnings: mature language, hints of depression, a bit spicier than usual my dudes

Requests are open! If you have a wish, check out my rules for requesting, or just pick something from my prompts list!

This date is the most important date the famous pro hero Hawks ever needed to go on. The most important date of his whole adult life, with the most beautiful woman he has ever met. But, who is she and how did he ask her out? That story goes a few hours back.

It's Valentine's Day! The birds are chirping, flower shops are the busiest they've been in a while, and the aroma of the ever-so-sweet chocolate is in the air. Even if almost all couples love this holiday, not a lot of single people can say the same. The second most popular hero in Japan dreaded the whole love fest. When Mirko, his best friend and co-worker, asked him why, he would usually reply with the same answer every time: "It's a waste of money". Even though there was some truth in what he said, the real reason the winged hero was grumpy every year on this holiday wasn't particularly the money people were spending. Maybe, somewhere deep down in his heart, Hawks knew he actually didn't like the idea of a holiday celebrating love, because he was indeed very lonely. It was now 5:20 in the morning, and Hawks slept in for 20 minutes. Honestly, he didn't even feel like getting up, not on the worst day of the year for him. Everybody's gonna be all mushy and lovey - dovey and cute, which they are of course gonna show off and brag about to him. The last thing he needed right now was to hear about everything he doesn't have. After unwillingly dragging himself out of bed, he went for a workout just like every morning. Today's workout, however, was way more intense than usual, since he was trying to take out all of his supressed emotions. Once that was finished and he had his morning coffee, the red-winged hero got ready and flew to work. As he flew across the big city, he noticed all the pink and red colored decorations that were hanging in the parks, on buildings, basically, everywhere he looked. That annoyed him so much that he flew faster, just to not be reminded that he never had someone to celebrate this day with. It really wasn't like it sounded. It's not like Hawks wasn't able to get a date, heck, he got a hundreds of dates and hook-ups almost daily, and it wasn't like he was shy, he loved talking to girls. But all those dates and hook-ups would never turn into anything more. Even though the blonde bird-like hero had many girls in his life, he never, ever fell in love. He finally arrived at his agency, when Mirko, the bunny hero, walked thru the door with a huge smile on her face. "Hey everyone! What a wonderful day today is!" Hawks rolled his eyes. How can everyone be so happy today? "Oh, yeah, that reminds me boss, I gotta go home earlier today! I'm taking my girlfriend out for Valentine's!" The white bunny hero added. Some other secretary laughed and agreed: "Hahha, okay Mirko, we all know the special surprise you've prepared her! You've talked about the ring for weeks! And you, boss? Who's your Valentine?"

Hawks wasn't in the mood for that. Everybody knew he didn't like Valentine's, or get a serious date he would wine-and-dine, so why did they even waste their breath asking?! It's not like he wasn't happy for other people. He was really happy for Mirko, for example, and her girlfriend, cause he knew about the whole 'proposing' thing that was happening tonight. It just wasn't for him. He wasn't the type of a guy to enjoy serious, love-dovey romantic dates like that. The whole day, up until lunch break, the winged hero desperately tried to avoid every and each couple in sight, 'cause he knew that if another hero couple started a conversation with him, he wouldn't hear the end of constant worried questions about him being single. Yeah, he was single, but he would probably call Rin tonight. She was a recent hook-up he used to call when he felt lonely. And in the past couple of weeks, he's been lonely quite a lot. Welp, it was lunch break now, and Hawks was eating his usual KFC order, when his favorite co-worker walked into the room. Okay, maybe you didn't technically count as a "co-worker" since you are only a journalist who worked with the agency and not an actual hero, but you are still a nice, familiar face he could rely on. "Hey Hawks! What's up with you? You seem a little bummed today" You said with concern in your voice. "Heh, hi to you too kid. Nah, I'm fine, just a little over with this whole love-fest" "Do you not like Valentine's Day?" He sighted. "No, not really. I don't really got anybody to spend it with, so I don't really enjoy it. And you? Who's taking you out for Valentine's?" You laughed at what he said, but the laughter died down as you realized he wasn't joking. "Oh, you're serious? No, haha, nobody's taking me out today. I guess everybody already has a date, plus I'm not really sure any hero would want to date their journalist!" He furrowed his eyebrows. "Why? I think there are a lot of hero's who'd date you! You are nice, young, pretty, I'm surprised they aren't already all over you, kid! Plus, haven't you got that boyfriend, I.. I don't remember his name.. You know, that one guy who once came here and brought you your lunch!" You sat down across him and put down your lunch tray. "Wait, you seriously remember that? That was like, four months ago, and no, we aren't together anymore. He just wasn't the guy for me, y'know?" Wait, was it really four months ago? 'How the heck do I remember something about my co-worker that happened four months ago?' He thought to himself. Which got him thinking: Why has he been so keen on getting to know you? Sure, you are nice and smart, and kinda beautiful. You are everything he isn't used to: comfort, smiling, and generally bright. But not his type. Definitely not. At least, that's what he told to himself every time the idea of your gorgeous eyes and that perfect smile crossed his mind. Which was a big portion of the time. He.. He couldn't be into you, right? "Oh, uh.. I don't know, really. I guess randomly? Anyways, so if your not going out, got any plans for the rest of the day?" He knew how it sounded, but that's not really what he meant. It sounded like he was asking her out, rather than being generally curious, since he didn't have any plans either. "Ohh, what's this, pro hero Hawks? Are you asking me out?" And it was that moment, where the poor guys' face turned completely red. The red-winged hero was known as a "smooth talker" and a "ladies man", but now he really didn't know what to say. Did he? Did he want to take her out? Well, maybe it wouldn't be so bad spending a Valentine's Day with somebody for a change.. "Well, since both of us aren't doing anything tonight, I thought we could go out and have some fun.. If by that you consider me asking you out kid, than so be it, I am. Not to be too sappy birdie, but do you wanna be my Valentine's date?" Now, it was your time to blush. After she agreed by stuttering a bit, they've both left the cafeteria and returned to some paperwork they had. Although there was a lot of work to be done,

Hawks couldn't concentrate one bit. Did he really just get a Valentine's date? At first, he played it cool. Nice and easy, still doing paperwork, he thought about how this happened. 'Well, she's clearly into me, and she clearly wanted to go, so this should be good, right?' And that's when it hit him. Where is he going to take you?! That's when his pre-date panic kicked in. He never experienced it before, but he was suddenly in a rush to finish everything about the date, rather than just lazily picking some shitty place and then return straight to his place. No, no, it can't be like that tonight. He quickly called the best restaurant in town to reserve a table, but it being the Valentine's day, it was all booked. Luckily, a pro-hero as sly as him knows his way around things, so even with this kind of a problem he managed to get the best table in the most romantic private spot in the restaurant. 'So food is checked from the list. What's next? Where and when to pick her up. That's easy, right? Just gotta dial her number and ask- OH SHIT, I DIDN'T GET HER PHONE NUMBER!' He thought in his panic. Luckily, your phone number was in the work group chat, so he easily found it. You've talked a bit and made a deal for 7 PM. Now, the only thing left on his list was his outfit. Usually, he didn't really care and would go in jeans and a T-shirt, and if he really wanted the girl, a white button up with those jeans. Now, this somehow felt more personal, more intimate, and more like a real date to him, so the usual outfits were a no-go. "Oh come on, I HAVE to have something in here!" He groaned as he searched his messy closet, throwing the stained shirts around as he shook his head. Finally, he found some tuxedo that Mirko made him wear to a work party. That should do it, right? It was now 6:40 and Hawks was kind of freaking out. Why? He didn't know. It was just you, his sweet co-worker, nobody too intimidating or anything like that. He was currently waiting in front of your apartment building, with a bouquet of flaming-red roses and a heart-shaped pack of chocolates. The address was familiar to him, since he was there a couple of times to bring some documents, but this was different. Now, it wasn't some work stuff or boring paperwork, he was waiting for you as your date for tonight. Somehow, that thought made him smile. Him, Keigo Takami, had a real date for Valentine's, the whole wine-and-dine experience! Who knew? His train of thoughts was interrupted by you coming out your home, followed by his jaw almost dropping on the floor. You wore a red dress that was in perfect synch with his wings, and a nice white cardigan, since it was a little chilly on such a February night. You had a slight blush covering your cheeks and a huge smile on your lips, since you were struck by how good your partner looked, just as much as he was. When he handed you the flowers and chocolates, you both sat in his car and drove to the restaurant, chatting a bit. Hawks was thinking about flying you to there himself, but quickly abandoned that idea because it could make you uncomfortable, and he certainly didn't want that. Once you've gotten to the restaurant, you were dumbstrucked by the place he picked. "Keigo! This is the most beautiful and the most wanted restaurant in the city! It takes literal months to get a reservation! How did you manage to do it so quickly?" He didn't know what, but something in him stirred when she called him by his first name. "Well, I wanted to take you somewhere special, and this seemed like a place with the best food and the best atmosphere for a Valentine's Day date! Plus, not a problem, I know my ways of giving a girl the perfect experience" He smugly replied. They sat down at their table, and the decorations around it were mesmerizing. There were lanterns and rosses as decorations on the sides, with a few romantic candles on the table, which were really setting the mood for their perfect date. Hawks didn't really pay much attention to the decorations though. Not because he didn't like them, more because he

was concentrated on the beautiful girl who was sitting across him. He was suddenly obsessed with everything about you. The way your hair fell and framed your face, the way your eyes sparkled when you laughed at some dumb joke he made, and that goddamn dress, which was making him think all kinds of things he definitely shouldn't be thinking about.

Oh hell no. This.. wasn't happening, was it? Suddenly, everything about you was perfect to him. He didn't know if that was the magic of Valentine's Day or just you, but something there was making him lose his mind. You've both ordered your meals and a bottle of champagne to go with it, and not long after, the waiter was back with your orders.

Keigo looked like everything was fine and he was cool from the outside, but actually, on the inside, his nerves were wrecking. From his point of view the date was going amazing, but how would he know?! This was his first "proper" date, he didn't know what they were supposed to look like!

"Hey, um, kid? Is this.. Is this okay? Am I doing this whole "date" thing right?"

No, he never was ashamed to admit that he wasn't exactly the "commitment" kinda guy, especially to you. You knew, didn't you? You even covered for him once after a huge hang-over he had from spending the night drunkenly with some girl whose name he forgot. You knew exactly what you were in for. "Hawks, this date is.. It's.. It's the best date I have ever been on, thank you so much for being my Valentine! The restaurant is the most romantic place I have ever seen, plus the food is incredible! I ordered the pasta to change a bit from the fried chicken I eat all the time! Hey, don't you like fried chicken too? Or is that like, forbidden, with you being half-bird?" This might just as well be his dream girl! I mean, someone who's gorgeous, smart, kind, funny AND loves fried chicken?! You've talked for the rest of the night, and then it was time to go home. "Wow, this date was amazing! Thank you so much for the wonderful time, it was very romantic.. I just got one more small request, tho.." You told him. "Yeah, sure, what's up?" "Umm, I know this is a bit weird, but I always wanted to ask you.. Can you fly me over the city a bit? I've always wanted to know what it's like seeing the city from a handsome bird's perspective!" "Hell yeah, kid!" After he paid for their meal, you just had to go to the bathroom real quick before you were going to leave for a romantic, night-time flight over the city. While you were in the restroom, somebody he completely forgot about appeared on his screen, calling him.

"Hey, Rin"

"Hello, handsome∼ Were you planning on calling me tonight at all? You know that I've been waiting for your call all day... So, got any frustrations to take out by ruining me? You know that you can just give me a call and I'll-"

He had to stop her before she continued. He had to. 'No more of this bullshit' he thought.

"Listen, I'm not gonna. I'm done, Rin. Done. I can't continue solving my problems with bottles of whiskey you always bring and.. you, in general. I can't. Look, it was nice having you at my beck-and-call and all, and I'm sure you're gonna find another guy to do the same, but I realized that I should probably focus on relationships that can actually go somewhere"

She scoffed offendedly.

"Don't tell me that some slutty secretary has you wrapped around her finger? HA! It's her, isn't it? The one from your hero agency, which you always mention even when you are with me? You think she could satisfy you? Please, Hawks, you're a playboy, you need a real woman and not a girl like that! Plus, you think you'll ever be ready for a "serious" relationship, like she wants?"

The pro-hero always cringed at the term "playboy". It was way too harsh and over-exaggerated. Yeah, maybe he did let himself indulge into way too many relationships and hook-ups, but it's been a rough couple of months. And he would rather feel wanted and loved for a few minutes or days with those girls, than to feel completely alone. A few moments of silence pasted, with Keigo thinking of what to say.

"No, I'm not sure I'm ready, but I want to try anyway."

"Whatever! Call me when you realize I'm all you'll ever need"

Just as she was about to hang up on him, he added:

"Oh, and Rin?"

The dark-haired woman smirked from the other side of the phoneline, certain that she already got him to change his mind.

"Yes, Hawksy?"

What he said left her so stunned, so speechless that she could barely think. Never in her life has she been that insulted.

"She's twice the woman you'll ever be"

And with that, he hung up, and blocked her number. Hawks believed that this moment right here was the exact meaning of the phrase "Good riddance". When you came out of the bathroom, oblivious of this conversation, he respectfully offered to carry you bride-style, as it would be the easiest for him to fly that way, which you of course accepted. You flew across the lights of the city that were slowly fading as it was getting darker. Everything seemed more beautiful from up high to you, you just couldn't believe he could see this view every day. Maybe the view itself wasn't the only thing that got you breathless. Maybe the way his golden eyes glowed even in the night and how his messy dirty-blonde locks moved with the wind also had something to do with the blush that was creeping on your face. Just maybe. To feel even more safe flying up that high (and because you wanted to), you put your arms around the pro hero's neck, holding onto him tighter, never wanting to let go. There was no doubt, you completely fell for the messy-haired winged hero. It first started as a simple crush a few months ago, but now, as you were carried across the sky in his strong arms, you knew you are in love with him. Hawks was feeling the same. Even though none of them spoke a word, everything was understood. Yeah, it's been a tough couple of months for Keigo, but maybe the upcoming months will be better with you around. Unfortunately, the flying tour had to end at some point, so you suggested that he put you down on your balcony. As soon as you were both standing with two feet on the tiles of your balcony, you said: "Thank you for the amazing date, Keigo.. I've had such an amazing time! You know, nobody ever did something as romantic as this for me.. So, really, thank you." He chuckled, not even realizing that his hand was still on your waist. "Heh, no problem, kid. And thank you, too.. For not leaving me hanging for Valentine's.. Oh, I hope I was a good Valentine, I'm not really sure how this whole thing works.. Well, if nobody did anything this kind of romantic for you, they've clearly didn't try hard enough to deserve you, kid." That sentence left you speechless. You couldn't take it anymore. Not while he looks so damn good, not while you've hid your feeling from him for way to long. Without another word, you've pressed a kiss on his lips, which he gladly accepted. Now, both of his large hands were holding your waist, pulling you closer to his chest. You've stood there for some time, under the stars, finally releasing the true feelings you've had for each other. "I was wondering... You don't really have to go now, do you?" You asked, pulling away from the kiss. "No, I really don't. Oh, what's this, are you asking me to come in, baby bird?" Today, Keigo Takami, the second most popular hero in Japan, realized three very important things. First, he realized that the only reason why he never seriously committed to a relationship is because none of the were true, and full of emotion.

Second, he learned that we seem to try harder for the people who we actually care about rather than for those who we don't, And lastly, third, that maybe, just maybe, Valentine's Day isn't so bad, especially when he has a girl as amazing as you to spend it with.

[windycarnage]

Hi! Feel free to ignore this if you feel uncomfortable talking about this / would rather not answer. I’m thinking of becoming a professional artist so I was wondering why you transitioned out. Again, sorry if this is a bit invasive!

Its not! Theres a few reasons why. Some personal and some experience based. Keep in mind this is all MY experience. Theres no right and wrong. And to be honest some of these things someone could have told me from the start and I would have still made the choices I made. Sometimes you gotta fail on your own to know what it tastes like, so that you know why you make different choices later on.

When you go into art you should be prepared that by and large you don't get to draw what you want. And I don't just mean like, your ocs or your blorbos. I mean, if you have an industry job, you draw what your manager or company tells you to draw. You can always go the patreon route or have your own IP, but its a lot of work, and is not stable. Also taxes are a nightmare. The amount of folks who get to have cool art jobs is very very small, and they can still get very discouraged by office politics that have nothing to do with art, and it usually takes a lot of grueling work and networking to get there. I'm definitely not saying that can't be you. I'm just saying that it wasn't a life I wanted.

And speaking of a life I wanted, I was starting to not even LIKE art. When you have to draw and create for other people, it's really exhausting. Everyone around me was exhausted too. I took such a long break from art because I was really burnt out! I think people really close themselves off from other work because they think they can't be happy doing something else. I love doing art so much that I realized I CANT be doing it all the time for other people, or I would grow to resent it. Also its, like, personal! Its really personal to apply for jobs with art! Art is super subjective. And remember how I said you will be drawing for other people? Well it doesn't matter how "good" of an artist you are unless you're "good" in the way other people want you to be. And that kind of sucked for me!

The last reason for my career change was personal: once I realized I liked building and writing software (which are essentially just big puzzles), I realized I was doing a job based on what I liked to do, not based on WHY I liked to do it. As an artist I was terrified and depressed, and when I was in between jobs I took rejection really personally. I became hardened to it, but it really hurts! It can be unstable unless you really grandfather yourself in there. But now, I don't fear that lack of stability. My home is made up of folks who are minorities as well. It was really really important to me that I am able to have secure and reliable housing and income so I could support us in any event. By selling myself out as developer, I can do that. Tech makes a lot of money! No one around me will ever feel like they can't live a safe and secure life ever again.

[missvelvetsstuff]

Miss Velvet

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Y/N is a disabled equestrian and therapeutic riding instructor who helps Tony Stark with his PTSD after returning from Titan. When the Avengers bring everyone back he hires her to work with Avengers and SHIELD hires her as therapist and teaching basic riding skills because you never know when a horse will be the best mode of transportation.

Bucky Barnes is a manwhore who is enjoying his freedom for the first time in decades and pays no mind to y/n when she meets the team because he learned to ride from Hydra and too busy pursuing his next conquest.

Post Endgame but everybody survived, because I said so. And Steve helped get Sharon Carter pardoned so they are together.

Notes: I lost my inspiration for a minute. Honestly the lack of response has been disheartening so I pondered it for a bit and decided I'll just go where my gut tells me and if it's too something or not enough something else, well I tried.

I am also making sure to like, share and comments on the fics that I enjoy. The writers here have helped me deal with the anxiety and depression that came with a pandemic so I want to make sure they know they are appreciated. I get it now.

I'm going to try to work on formatting if I can ever get some quiet time on the computer, this has all been on my phone.

Chapter 6

WARNINGS: Swearing, painful injury(yes its happened to me) animal death. I think that's it.

After Velvet left the barn, Bucky sat on the bales of hay she had been sitting on and dropped his head to his hands. All he wants is to go back before deskgate so he could ignore her and continue his life of casual sex with new women every week or so.

Seems like every time he gets close to Velvet he says or does something stupid. It's all too complicated. Bucky hears a groan and sees Matt starting to move, sighs and goes to call Steve to help him deal with this drama. Steve shows up a few minutes later with Tony and Sam tagging along behind, to see Bucky holding Matt to keep him from leaving.

"Geez Steve, you didn't need to bring back up it's just this one douche who tried to force himself on Velvet."

Tony's eyes flash "Is Barnes telling the truth Landers? Because that's reason for expulsion from SWORD, at the very least."

Matt scoffs "No, that little tease dragged me in here and then changed her mind."

Tony sighs "you absolutely sure about that?"

"100%" Matt replies.

Tony grins "ok, just give me a few minutes FRIDAY?" "Yes boss?" "Could you pull up the video from this stall for the last 30 minutes?" "Of course boss"

Matt looks shaken "there are cameras in here?"

"Of course, the horses here will be a significant investment so I'm not going to leave them unprotected" Tony replies casually

Matt stammers "maybe it was just a misunderstanding, I'm sure she wasn't meaning to lead me on."

"Yeah, I still have to check the feed. Landers, I'm sure Barnes and Rogers will be happy to show you to your room. I expect you in my office first thing in the morning to discuss the footage."

The next morning, while Velvet and Mi are feeding the horses and mucking out stalls, she gets a call from Tony, asking her to tell him what happened the evening before with Landers. She tells him what happened.

Tony asks, "so off the record, what happened with Barnes?"

Velvet scoffs, "Barnes is an idiot, I'm impressed he's lived so long."

Tony chuckles "I told him to watch his ass."

"Must be a slow learner. I gotta go, Tony, the rest of my herd is at the gates."

"Pretty sure that's my herd there, Miss"

"Whatever you say Tony, come check them out this afternoon."

Velvet and Mi head over to the new facility thru her barn, crossing the gate at the property line and into the new barn. 7 new horses of various ages, sizes and colors adding to Velvet's 5 and Pepper & Morgan's new rides so a total of 14 horses. The day passes quickly getting all the horses and their gear organized and put away, giving Velvet no time to think about starting work with Barnes or whatever the deal was with that kiss.

Monday morning

Velvet sits down for breakfast when Indy starts barking. She opens the door "Barnes, I thought I told you to meet me at the barn"

"Yeah but I brought you coffee"

"Thanks but I don't like coffee. Hold on to it in case you need it."

They head out to the barn and Velvet explains the program. "What we do here with Avengers and agents is different from your typical therapeutic riding program, like Mi runs at Serenity where we work with special needs and at risk kids plus veterans. Y'all have a different life here so I had to tweak things but it seemed to work for Tony who was my first Avenger rider. I'm a certified therapeutic riding instructor and know all the physical and mental health benefits of horseback riding so that's one aspect, you'll be riding at least 3 days a week. Sometimes it will be like a lesson with me on the ground instructing you, others we will go on trail rides. We are lucky to be surrounded by some beautiful nature and trail rides can be very therapeutic.

There is also on the ground mental health sessions with horses and our social worker, Lynne. You'll work with her a couple of days a week and I'll be there to wrangle the horses.

Last, there's the barn chores. Mucking out stalls, feeding, cleaning tack, etc are all good therapy. I've worked out a number of major life problems while mucking out stalls, horses are good listeners and can keep secrets. You'll need to be here at least 4 hours a day 4 days a week. We'll work around your training schedule but I really need you here in the mornings to help with feeding and cleaning before lessons and therapy start. Obviously you are excused when you are on missions, I understand how things work around here and know the priorities. Any questions?"

"Where do we start?"

"feeding the beasts. Follow me"

Velvet lead the way to the hay shed and showed Bucky the chart with all the info on the horses feed and supplements so they filled up the wheelbarrow with hay and buckets for each horse with their specified extras. Then she showed him the rakes and wheelbarrows for mucking out stalls and they got to work while the horses ate.

"When the horses are in here you need to pay attention to them, especially their backside. I always talk to them so they know where I am and either stay close enough to their butt that they can't get any force behind a kick or far enough away that they can't reach you." After Velvet's 5 horses were set they walked thru the gate to Morgans place next door and into the barn there. They fed and cleaned everything and then took the horses out 2 at a time and lead them around to stretch their legs and get a look at their new home. Morgan and Peppers horses were there plus a tall chestnut mare named Jeep, a bay gelding named Brownie, a dun gelding named Cherry, a mule named Mr West and a chestnut Arabian gelding named Romeo.

"Since the new horses arrived yesterday, I have no lessons scheduled today so we can help them get acclimated" After all the new horses were taken care of, meaning fed, groomed and walked, Bucky left to get lunch and train with Steve but promised to return around 3 since Velvet told him they would go on a short trail ride. 

While he was gone she took Duke out to stretch his legs only to see he still favored that same rear leg and was moving pretty stiffly. She cut his walk short and rubbed him down before she put him away, then marked his feed chart to include an anti-inflammatory to help with the stiffness and pain.

When Bucky returned they took Lexi and Laredo out for a trail ride. They started off chatting about nothing important until she looked back and signaled for him to stop and be quiet. She pointed to their left and when Bucky followed her line of sight he saw it, a doe and her fawn in a clearing a little ways away.

The deer walked away a moment later and Velvet looked at him with a big grin on her face "One of the things I love about this area, the beautiful woods and all the wildlife that lives here. Nature is so important to our mental health and we forget that. One of the reasons equine therapy helps us."

Bucky grinned and wondered how he could make her smile like that. Then he wondered where that thought came from and shook his head

"You ok there, Barnes?"

"Yeah, horsefly"

"Ok, some of the animals aren't so great, those fuckers hurt."

Over the next few weeks they developed a comfortable rhythm working together and Duke deteriorated steadily. One morning, Bucky knocked on her front door with tea but she didn't answer so he headed back to see if she got started early.

He saw the vet's truck in front of the barn and could hear the vet speaking softly and Velvet's sniffles coming from Duke's stall. He didn't want to interrupt such a personal moment so went to sit in her office until the vet was done. When he heard her sobbing he felt his gut clench, she knew this was coming but that's never any consolation. He heard the vet telling Velvet that he was sorry but had to leave because he had other patients waiting and his people would be there to pick up Duke's remains to be cremated shortly.

Bucky went to help her up when they arrived to pick Duke up and held on to her while she cried softly. "He was our first therapy horse, the first horse I rode after the accident and one of my best friends. I don't know what I'm going to do without him.'

Bucky wanted to help but didn't really know what to say so he just nodded "I know". He led her into the office and offered the tea he had brought, apologizing for it being cold.

Velvet grinned and drank it, "Still tastes better than coffee. We should get everyone fed and mucked before there's a riot."

Once the chores were done Velvet sat at her desk "you don't have to stay, I'm taking a couple of personal days. Already sent a text to everyone that was on today and tomorrows schedule. I'll have his ashes tomorrow so you're off the hook for a couple of days."

Bucky nodded "Do you want some company or to be alone? Isn't Mi coming?"

Velvet looked at him surprised "That's sweet of you but you don't have to, I'm sure you have better things to do that hang out consoling me. Mi is out of town visiting family but I spoke to him this morning so he knows."

Bucky replied "My day is clear, already planned to spend it here so it's no problem. I want to help. I've never had the same kind of bond with an animal except Alpine and I know I'd be pretty upset if I lost him. We could go for a ride or watch movies and order food or play checkers or whatever."

Velvet smiled and stood up "A ride would be nice. Lexi will be sad too, they were buds. Nature always helps."

On their ride they went from bouts of silence to chatting about books, mostly sci-fi and fantasy. Velvet told him about growing up with a dad who loved sci-fi so she was exposed to it at a young age. Star Trek being a family favorite and Firefly a personal favorite.

When Bucky asked what Firefly was, Velvet looked offended "seriously? The team is slacking in your pop culture education. Firefly is 16 hours of bliss and a lifetime of disappointment. One of the best and most loved sci-fi shows ever made. Now I know what we are watching when we get back."

Velvet was true to her word and they watched 6 episodes of Firefly while eating pizza before she started yawning and they decided to call it a night.

She went to bed after medicating and couldn't calm her mind down, thinking of all the times she had with Duke, one of the only horses in her herd that wasn't snapped and how she wouldn't be able to make any more memories with him. She ended up crying herself to sleep.

Velvet only slept a few hours and gave up, getting up to shower and eat. It was only when she was done eating and she couldn't sit still so went to the barn with Indy, to start chores.

As she was cleaning in the tack room she was crying as she wiped the dust off of Duke's saddle and sneezed hard, twice and as soon as she straightened up she felt it. Her back pulled and she felt a sharp stabbing pain and collapsed, legs giving out on her.

Velvet groaned as her back continued to spasm painfully and tried to reach her phone to call someone for help but it was in her back pocket and she couldn't reach it without making the pain worse. She tried to roll onto her side so she could try to get up but everything made it worse. After spewing a string of harsh expletives Indy left her side and ran out of the barn, barking at someone or something. A minute later she heard Indy whining and a low voice asking him what's wrong.

The voice called out "Velvet, you in here? You ok?" It was Bucky.

Velvet sighed and responded in a pained voice, "No, not ok and I'm in the tack room. I need help. I've fallen and I cant get up" she giggles then groans again because that hurts too.

Bucky walks into the tack room and sees Velvet on the floor in an painful looking position.

"What the hell? Should I call 911 or something?"

Velvet grunts "I appear to have thrown my back out. Sneezing. Sofa king stupid this back is bullshit. I could use some help getting up but I have to warn you, its not gonna be pretty. Its going to hurt me no matter what I do and I'm not exactly one to suffer in silence."

Bucky smirks, "yeah, that doesn't surprise me. What do you need me to do?"

Velvet closes her eyes "pick my up under my arms so i can stand but you have to go really, r-e-a-l-l-y slow and be prepared to adjust positions. Are you sure you're down for this? I can call Steve, he's helped me before"

Bucky snorts "Don't be ridiculous, if Steve can handle it so can I"

"Ok, ok, I don't want to argue and I need to get up. If I can get to my feet and walk with support back to the house I can get some meds and put some heat on it."

Bucky reaches for her, careful not to hurt her or touch any inappropriate spots. It was slow going and Velvet wasn't quiet when the pain got worse. Bucky could feel her heart racing and see how pale and pinched her face looked with a cold sweat dotting her face. It was awful hearing how much pain she was in but they made if back to her house where she changed into a big t-shirt and leggings and he helped her settle into her chair, adjust the heating pad and put her feet up.

Bucky looked at her concerned "Are you going to be ok? Do you need anything?"

Velvet smiled "could you grab me a brownie out of the big square container in the pantry, right of the stove."

"Sure, could I have one?"

she giggled again, and groaned in pain. "Fuck, I hate this! No, they are medicated with cannabis for my pain"

"Cannabis?"

"Yeah, better known as reefer in your day. It's good medicine and safer than most pain meds"

Bucky grinned, "I've tried it a couple of time, before the war. Wasn't bad"

Velvet smiled "Does your bff Mr Clean know about this, he certainly never mentioned it to me."

"Nah, with his asthma Steve wasn't smoking anything. It was only a couple of times when I met the band at the dance hall." Bucky gives Velvet a brownie and some water.

Velvet huffs, "I never would have guessed but I should have known, the whole bad boy ladies man vibe. Your welcome to have one but I don't know what it will do to a super soldier, I never could talk Steve into trying one."

Velvet tenses up, "Shit, someone needs to feed the horses" she tries to sit up but Bucky stops her.

"I've got this" and he texts the team to let them know what happened so they come over to finish her chores and see if she needs anything else.

By that time the meds have kicked in and Velvet is grinning and babbling about stoned super soldiers.

Steve looks curious "What is she talking about?"

Bucky laughs "it's just pain med talk, don't take it seriously"

The doorbell rings and Steve goes to answer it, it's Duke's ashes, Steve doesn't want to upset her now that the pain is better but she heard the doorbell so he takes the urn and hands it to Velvet. She holds it to her chest and starts to cry. Everyone tries to console her but Bucky holding her hand is the only thing she feels. After a bit she calms down and starts to doze off.

Once they see that Velvet is taken care of the team leaves but Bucky stays. Velvet opens her eyes and looks at him "I really appreciate your help Barnes but you don't have to stay. My walker is right here I case I need to get up and I have plenty of easy meals plus lots of tv I can watch"

Bucky sighs "You can call me Bucky, you know. I think we've made it to friends by now. And you don't have to do it all yourself, it's ok to let people help you. Besides, I really want to watch more of that Firefly show."

Velvet grins "Shiny"

Chapter 7

[alpona]

Geats episode 7 liveblog:

Quite a few interesting info revealed this episode! This liveblog almost became a theory section !

Let's begin, and spoiler alert!

- Keiwa revising the rules.

- ooo look at Ace-kun sit all sad n depressed hahaha! (No umm I'm not supposed to laugh here....)

- oho is there a tear on Ace-kun already? Knew he was gonna have emotional breakdowns, we're seeing a bit already yayyy! (Umm again, I shouldn't act so happy about this...)

- And we got such a huge piece of info?!! Ace is looking for his mother! And the flashback looks like ancient times in Europe, along with the ceaser coin, the fan theories seems true! Wah!

- hmm, most of the time it's the rider father giving such abondonment issues. This time it's the mom. Okay.

- ... But if searching for mother is Ace-kun's entire motivation, then things will sound too simple for me. Be more complicated Ace-kun!! (Really 😑?)

- oh hello bodyguards-san!...... Wait 🤣 oh poor Tom Constantine, my condolences! But this scene was very funny!! Good job.

- Let Tsumuri eat first, you Jamato.

- Aaand we continue the real Story of this season, "Keiwa and Boost buckle: the story of lost n found".

- boom! Another huge info! Ace has been playing DGP for 2000+ years? That was another fan theory we've seen around! Is today a field day for wild fan theorists, let's have a party! 😆

What's next then? we'll also get confirmation that Ace is an actual kitsune who took the form of human and have him jump off a mountain with 9 tails... (Ok I'll stop, sorry)

- Well well, it was clear he's been around for a looong time, but 2000 years is, ufff, man, too much! ouch my back hurts just from thinking!

But bro, I'm amazed how you're even sane after all this time!

- this info definitely brings up hundreds of questions, should I even begin....

Like how and why he's alive for this long... Why's DGP going on for this long... And Ace is Still testing out all the limits n loopholes even after 2k years?...

- And of course, if this info is even true in the first place. Among other possibilities, what if... What Ace thinks is 2000 ueats isn't actually that long because everything is a fake simulation... (Ok I need to make a separate theory post for this.)

- BTW Now's a good time to say I've been wondering about Ace's real name.

- yah give boost to Buffa now.. oh wow Keiwa's determined to use it this time, let's see.

- interesting conversation between Ace and Neon.

- Dining with 2 of your fav celebrities?

Screw desire grand Prix winners, Keiwa's sister is the Real winner here!! Fangirling intensifies!

- hmm, been feeling this since episode 1, and notice how it's like... There's more cracks on the facade Ace puts up? His emotional baggage and etc etc is peeking through more...

- let me just take this moment to appreciate Ace's actor's acting skills. He spoke twice as much with his expressions than words this episode.

- 'wasureta' 🙂 *sigh* why did this scene hurt so much?

- btw Ace-kun and Neon-chan, if this little sakurai sibling dynamic gives you the feels, wait till the Revice crossover! Igarashi family will kill you! Bwahaha!! (My goodness, stop laughing!)

- Keiwa seriously actually finally used Boost! Iwae! Everyone, we've come to the conclusion of the epic story of "lost n found part 7: finally together"!!

The end , bye, sayonara!

- Ah yes, return of the fox! Being nice for last few episodes got too boring, huh Ace-kun? Now you gotta do one trickery at least. I see I see. Poor Keiwa though.

- Kei-chan is angry now! Beware! (Eh New name? What happened to 'keiwa-kun'?)

Did Ace totally manipulate him? Kind of, but not entirely, the after dinner pep talk wasn't full lies.

- it's funny, I feel like I totally get what type of character Ace is, but can't put it to proper words to explain to others. Sigh...

Had too much to say about this episode and skipped many points actually.

And looks like I've only made myself sound like a psycho 😶.

Anyway, looks like Keiwa's sister will be rider within next few episodes.

[the-blind-geisha]

holy eff, that was 2 years ago? im so sorry, im absolutely unaware of the passage of time XD but yep! that's me! it wasn't very hard to find you tbh, i went to overlord tag one day and i found your art. this time i simply searched for demiurge and was pleasantly surprised that you changed your blog again (more like returned to your old one but yeah). don't worry tho, no need to hide from me! im a good anon, and a person you knew quite good (and also a person who, i think, triggered you once? with some depressing themes. im so deeply sorry for that) glad to hear you have everything under control now! but im more glad that you're enjoying yourself and grow the fandom. overlord is really amazing, both anime and light novel (that's it, if i ever decide to watch the new season or catch up with the novel). you did a very fine choice, dear, to get into it! (and, especially, to get into demiurge hehe) don't mention it truly! i've been wondering for a few weeks now how you're doing and all. and i'm really, really happy to see you're enjoying yourself and having fun.

I also wanted to say that, uh, i know how ac fandom treated you and please take no offence, but, i really appreciate that you didn't delete the responds to people's asks or the gifts that are ac themed. i know it wasn't an easy choice, and i really appreciate it. it sounds stupid but it means a lot as it brought some pleasant memories. so, yeah, thanks for that! <3 (also: your emmett is forever in our hearts) i hope you won't mind me being here from time to time (and not like, appearing after 2 years XD). you were always so lovely to talk to! you still are, of course, but yeah! lovely to talk to and you're lovely too! as always <3 - P

LOL to be fair, I think the pandemic really threw us all for a loop. X”D Heck, it being 2022 hasn't really come to my realization yet. I still keep thinking 2020 was just last year.

Haha, that is very fair. ♥ If you were able to hunt through the Demiurge tag, that is indeed where I kinda live now. ♥ Though I am working more and more on drifting my version of him out of the fandom and into my original works. But we'll see! I do love the character a lot!

Oof, I gotta be honest, anon. My memory got a bit scattered no thanks to anemia causing me a bit of brain fog/damage. So if you did anything that triggered me, it's quite alright. ♥ I've obviously gone past whatever may have happened now, and it is all water under the bridge as they say.

I adore Overlord, but my poor Albedo and Demiurge... I wish they were given more time to develop. ;~; They are my treasures next to Yuri Alpha. ♥ But I do hope you enjoy the new season! I love the animation has really been upped in quality! I'm still eagerly waiting for the movie!

Thank you! I have a lovely group of readers and friends who support me like yourself, and I appreciate every single one of them. I especially love the readers who have been with me since the AC days. The fact you guys will still follow me from one thing to the next is sweet, and I am always happy to see reoccurring names pop up now and again!

I will be honest, hon, in that I did delete a few things in my desire to heal away from the fandom years back, but not all of it is gone, no. ♥ The Fall is still on AO3, I just removed my name from it, and the Prostitute Series, while removed from AO3, is still on here too. I know those were the main stories people would have been upset to be removed from the net completely. I do still have the others on my hard drive (like certain love letters and The Dove Effect, Daddy Dearest, etc), but I just don't feel comfortable releasing them again to the public. Maybe one day. ♥

Aww, thank you! I actually did plan on bringing Emmett back into a Victorian setting but away from AC: S. ♥ I had a werewolf story in London kinda idea that I wanted him to be apart of, so he will return just—in a new way and away from Jacob being his dad. (He's gonna have an adopted dad/mentor instead.)

Awww, I adore when folks drop in to say hi every now and again! I still get people DMing me saying 'thank you for writing this super old fic from 2005' ever so often, and it's great! I hope people never think it's weird or annoying to talk to me about old times or just say hello. I promise, it's okay to do so. ♥

It's kind of why I never really ever change my name or at least, try not to. ♥ I want it to be easier for folks to find me.

It's always great to hear from you, anon! ♥