#i wasn't planning to go because i don't yet feel comfortable going to concerts

[youremyonlyhope]

.

[jinnie-ret]

Don't know if you're taking prompts atm but...

Can't believe I'm asking this but could you do a ninth member fic but they're Nuna to Bangchan as well instead of younger? Just wanna see all the boys taken care of, maybe like made casual dinner with their favorite foods or soft comfort after a hard concert or something. Just the boys and OC being good family.

let noona handle it

stray kids x ninth member!reader (platonic)

genre: fluff, slight angst

content warnings: flirty minho? (haha)

word count: 1k

summary: after a difficult, chaotic concert, you prepare a feast to take care of your beloved dongsaengs

Thank you for this request! Hope you enjoy! :)

MAIN MASTERLIST

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The concert you had just returned from was hell, and you hated to say that it was because of the fans. You nearly had a bit of deja vu, as the events that took place reflected those which happened at a past Indonesia concert. This time, you were in Seoul.

Fans had been constantly pushing each other back and forth, those who were standing scrambling amongst each other to get closer and closer to you and the boys. It was chaos.

"Guys, please! We want to do this concert but you have to move back!" Chan said into the mic, desperately hoping that the frantic Stays would listen.

"Move back, please," Han tried to help, using his hands to gesture them to do as he said.

"We don't want anyone to get hurt, please move back and we can carry on performing for you," Chan signed, and you saw how he was getting more and more frustrated.

You felt awful, that you didn't say anything to help. As their noona, you always wanted to look after your members, and you kicked yourself for not taking some of the weight off of your dongsaeng's shoulders, instead of standing there quietly. It wasn't your fault you felt overwhelmed though.

At least you weren't the only ones. As soon as you all returned to the dorms, wordless wishes of a good night's sleep was wished and you all fell asleep easily, the exhaustion hitting all 9 of you.

But you had other plans. Setting an alarm for 10am the next morning, you prepared yourself to get up early enough where the guys would still be asleep, but that you could go out, get fresh food, and prepare them with a feast for lunch time.

Yes, the shopping was very heavy, but it was worth it for the premium dining experience you had brought to the dorm. You were surprised they hadn't woken up yet from all of your clattering around and the smells of food, but it only made it far more worth it in anticipation of them seeing all of their favourite foods: sashimi, jokbal, yubochobap, kimchi jjigae, fried chicken, ramen with fried eggs, pizza. And of course for dessert you had some cheesecakes defrosting.

"Boys!!! Come in here!" you yelled at the top of your lungs, giggling to yourself when you heard the thumping of footsteps and mutterings of 'shit'.

"Noona?! Are you okay?" Changbin was the first to rush in, eyes zeroed in on you as he went to check if you were hurt or not.

"Wow..." Felix gasped, looking across at all of the food spread out on the dining table.

"I'm fine, Changbin, why don't you take a seat?" you soothed his worries, gently stroking his hands that rested upon your shoulders and diverting his attention to where you wanted it to be.

"Noona, did you-?" Hyunjin cut himself off as he entered the kitchen, feeling rather moved that you had done this all for them.

"It was a hard concert yesterday... I thought this would help cheer us up?" you awkwardly stood there, hands clasped behind your back. You felt your cheeks flush from their reactions, but they all stared on in amazement.

"You're the best," Jisung whispered as he engulfed you into a big hug. His arms wrapped around your waist and he buried his face into your neck.

"You all deserve it," you smiled bashfully, ruffling his hair as he pulled away, going to take a seat.

"You deserve it too, noona," Jeongin said earnestly, giving you a quick side hug before he went and sat down too.

"I just... I know yesterday was difficult, wasn't it?" you asked them all as you began talking once more. As you did so, Seungmin silently patted your back as he walked around you, his own way of letting you know he took was thankful. "So I thought what could be more healing then our favourite foods?"

"I think a kiss from noona would be healing as well," Minho bluntly said, wiggling his eyebrows at you as you facepalmed.

"Yah, Minho-ah! Don't tease her, she already can't handle all of the compliments," Chan scolded Minho before taking a seat too, gesturing you to sit next to him in the empty one.

"Noona is so good to us," Hyunjin said, almost as if you wasn't there and he was confessing his thoughts on you.

"I think noona should take the first bite," Changbin folded his arms, leant back in his chair with a proud smirk on his face as he looked at you approvingly. You could tell his mind was going 'jutdwae, jutdwae, jutdwae'. He was very proud of sticking to his principles.

"No, no, you guys eat first, I just want to see you be happy," you waved them off, arms resting in your lap. And it was true, you just wanted to see them eating happily.

"Come on, noona, we just wish to see you eat first," Jeongin pouted, and normally you'd cave straight away, your dongsaeng knew that, but you had a few principles of your own.

"Nope, I refuse. I wish to see all my precious members eat first. I want to see you happy because that's all that really matters to me, ok? We had a rough time of it yesterday and this is my way of showing you how I'm supporting you all. Yes I'm a member of this group just like any other one of us, but I'm also your noona, let me take care of things. Let noona handle it, ok?" you preached, rambling off all the thoughts in your head as looking them all directly in the eyes as you wore your heart on your sleeve.

"I'm going to eat before I cry," Felix took a mouthful of ramen, looking away from you, feeling warm from not only the food but from your sweet words too.

"There, we've all taken a bite now, noona should eat," Seungmin firmly said.

"Or do you need me to feed you?" Minho winked daringly.

"You're so flirty today," you take a bite of fried chicken, not giving him the opportunity to tease you more.

"He wouldn't be Minho if he wasn't flirty," Chan laughed.

"And noona wouldn't be noona if she wasn't so caring," Jisung heartwarmingly said.

"Well, speaking of, there's cheesecake for dessert," you smile as you take a bite of some sashimi.

"Noona you're the best!!!"

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @sakufilms @hanjiquokkaaa @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @cheesemonky

[romanarose]

Gift Giving with the Triple Frontier Boys

Triple Frontier Master List All fanfic masterlist

Thoughts on the TF boys expressing their love for you through gift giving, and you returning it.

Acts of Service Word of Affirmation Quality Time Physical Touch

Warnings: Mentions of smut, pregnancy, nightmares involving death, drinking problem, addiction/rehab, past child abuse (sorry Millers lolololol), Not very smutty this time, lo siento.

************

Santiago Garcia

After Santi and Fish went back for the money in the canyon, they split it with the Millers, but that still eft each with a hefty sum. Anyone who grew up poor like Santi knows its easier to make money when you have money, and after a few smart monetary choices, Santi found himself in a good financial position. He still considered what he has somewhat blood money, although you frequently remind him that it was Tom that fucked it all up, so Santi makes sure to donate to charities close to his heart. However, Santiago adores you, and he'd me amiss if he didn't use that money to spoil you. Maybe it's dresses, maybe it's leather pants that show off your ass, maybe it's you're clothing taste is more simple but he indulges you in t-shirts from Star Wars, Doctor Who, and what's the stupid Marvel show? Moon Night? Whatever, he'll get you the goddamn Moon Night back back. If you like make up, fancy head coverings or wigs, he's got you, anything to make his girl feel special. You go to a concert, merch tent is yours. You don't even bring it up half the time, he'll catch you staring at a dress at the mall or 'recently viewed' will pop up on amazon and he'll just get it, as a treat. And if you have a fancy event, a quince, you're nieces first communion, or an Afghan wedding with multiple clothing changes, you bet you'll have the best. Oh, and you BET your wedding dress or suit will be the one you want, and you're ring? On point.

*

You and Santi took things slow. Maybe it's for religious reasons, maybe it's because you have had bad experiences in the past, or maybe you just wanted too, but you hadn't had sex yet. You'd slept over, keeping things modest but intimate, him holding you close and yeah, you maybe had to ignore a boner or two. He couldn't help it, it was biology, but he was nothing but respectful. However, when the time came you found you were ready.... you had a plan. It was his birthday, and after a very loud, very fun event with all his family and his friends ending with Will half-dragging his brother out because Benny kept saying goodbye for 40 minutes, you found yourselves alone.

"I've got a surprise for you" You gently push Santi back, lifting up your dress to reveal a lingerie set that made you look good and feel comfortable.

The dumbfounded look on his face and immediate bulge in his pants made it all the more impressive that he gulped, and stuttered out an "are you sure? you're absolutely sure?" before diving in on you. It wasn't the only gift you had gotten him, of course, but your body might be his favorite.

Benny Miller

It had been a bad day, but when you called Benny on your break and asked how he was, it was clear Benny was having a rough day at the gym. Benny vented to you, you listened, offered advice where he wanted it and allowed him to complain about the little things that nothing could be done about where he needed. By the time your hour was up, your food was ate and both of you felt better. Even just talking to your husband brightened your day, even if you didn't tell him that you were frustrated. However, work continued to suck ass. When you get home, however, you start on diner because you know Benny had a tough day and food made him happy. When he came home, however, he had a few things. In one had was his keys, water bottle and barely gasping a case of beer (jesus christ his hands are large) and in the other, a Hostess fruit pie from the gas station that he handed to you. "What's this for?" You ask, surprised by the treat. Benny shrugged. "I saw it and thought of you. You said you used to eat them a lot as a kid?" You did... you said that... about 3 years ago you made an offhand comment, and he remembered. Benny was nearly tackled by the hug, and you could not imagine having a better partner in this life.

*

Benny was a silly lil guy. Not to say he couldn't be serious. He was there for Frankie through his addiction, but Benny's best support was offered through his shinning personality, like visiting Frankie in rehab and making him laugh. Likewise, he was there to listen and genuinely help you with problems, he was fiercely defensive of you, and was serious when needed, but what you loved about him was how much you genuinely had fun together. None of this is to say Benny doesn't have his struggles. You told him he needed to get him drinking under control before you would date him, (although you supported him with that even through the 'friends for now' stage), and Benny clearly had PTSD from serving and from his childhood that he tended to bury under her sunny exterior. You notice him slipping, his nightmares getting worse; nightmares of his dad killing Will, someone hurting you or Santi or Fish, Tom dying... you figured you needed to make him laugh. So, you sit him down and gift with him with a pair of boxers that say "this ass belongs to-" with your name on it. Benny's face splits into a wide, genuine grin. He laughs so damn hard and hugs you so damn tight you feel a little bit better. You tell him you got him a gift because you've noticed he's been struggling lately, and open up a conversation about what's been going on... and maybe, if he's up for it, talking to a doctor at the VA about getting on some anti-nightmare medication.

Frankie Morales

When Frankie came into your life, you knew before you ever dated that he had a daughter, and none of that phased you. She was a good kid, and you had gotten along well with her. Frankie was slow to introduce you, of course, not wanting women in and out of her life, but as you and Frankie grew closer you met her, and were thrilled to be spending more time with her as Frankie thought was appropriate. It was still early in your relationship when you came over to his house only to find Fransico Julio Morales Andala with a tiara on his head, covered in glitter, sitting at a kid sized table with craft goods stone across it... girl dad life. You smiled fondly at him, and chuckled as him and Adrianna yelled at you to wait in the living room until they were done. So, you sat on your phone listening to the father-daughter pair whisper and giggle and argue before they bring their finished product. A Valentines day card, ugly as all hell... but so clearly both of them. Franki drew a helicopter, Adrianna drew a castle, Frankie drew you and him holding hands, Adrina drew a dead "bad guy"... you weren't sure what that head to do with Valentines Day but oh well. And together, they had glued on dried flowers, lace, Star Wars stickers, and a fuck ton of glitter for you. It was entirely too much, would glitter-ize you and your apartment for weeks... but god dammit you were crying and now you had to frame it.

*

You were nervous, as far as fathers days go... Frankie wanted this, he said he did, but less than 2 months of marriage seemed... soon? You did the math, and he knocked you up your wedding night. Still, you wanted to give Adrianna a sibling... Frankie had spent the day with her, but you really wanted to talk to him alone, and you really thought today was fitting... so Santi took her for diner. He was a father figure to her, after all. It took a while, but halfway through diner was when Frankie asked, worried, 'Something wrong, hermosa?' You couldn't wait any longer, and told him you were pregnant with his child. You watched as the shock filled him, tears misting his eyes before he came over to your side of the table and pulled you to your feet. Frankie picked you up, making you squeal and both of you giggled as he spun you around before setting you down on the floor.

"Best father's day gift ever"

Will Miller

It was a military ball, and although you tried to keep it lowkey... you were thrilled. You hardly got a chance to dress up, and when was the last time you wore a dress this fancy? Will knocked on the door before entering when you called him in, a move you thought was a bit silly considering you were married and it was his savings that bought the house, but Will thought you should be allowed your privacy either way. You turn from where you sit in the vanity mirror, finding Will blue eyes and soft smile trained on you. 'You look beautiful, princess. I'll never get tired of telling you, every damn day.' He kissed the top of your hair, very careful not to mess up your up-do and walked over to his drawer. He began a preamble that you didn't have to wear it if you had other jewelry plans, but you but him off. Whatever he gave, you'd proudly wear. Will walked back behind you, and you are struck once again by how such a large man can manage not to look the slightest bit intimating. not you at least. But maybe that's because you know him, and despite whatever he had done on the military, he was the gentlest soul you had ever met in your life. He pulled out a neckless, stunningly sparkly and bright, with your favorite jewel and fucking hell it must've been expensive. He clasped it behind you, sealing the act with a kiss on your neck, a hint of what no doubt will happen later tonight... And you will, in fact, be showing this neckless of all night, just as Will is going to show off you.

*

"Honey, I'm home!" You call as you step in and Will beckons you to the guest room where he is fixing the closet door. Will turns around to greet you, setting the tools down so he could take you in for a kiss, something you two promised to try and do every day, when he saw what you were holding, flowers. Confused, he kisses your cheek. "Are we visiting your grandma today, honey?" He asked, and when you said no, he had a few more possible reasons for the flowers, even so far as to ask if this was your way of reminding him he forgot an important date. You laugh, as if he would ever. You finally tell him, "They're for you, silly." The man was too stunned too speak. "For me? Why?". You explain you don't need a reason, that he's your special man and he deserves it. You explain how you were driving home and saw a pop up flower stand, and realized that your kind, thoughtful, gentle, hardworking husband had probably never gotten a bouquet in his 30 something years of living. And what a shame that was! He deserved flowers. Pretty ones, too. Despite the strength he held, and the way his arms wrapped tight around you, he knew his strength and did not squeeze to hard... but it was a firm hug, and as he buried his face in your neck, you swore it was a little wet as he whispered "thank you, beautiful." Even in his childhood, no one had treated him with such soft kindness as you did, and he'd do everything in his power to not let you go.

*************************

SORRY THE LAST ONE TOOK FOREVER i was uninspired but the oscar isaac discord im in helped me get on my feet.

If you liked this one make sure to check out the other 4 love languages!

@whatthefishh @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @kittyofalltrades @luciannadraven33 @littlenosoul @jake-g-lockley @milkymoon2483 @howaboutcastiel @miraclesabound @bitchyglitterfox @missdictatorme

and bc

[parvulous-writings]

Hey! I saw that Bill and Ted were on the list that you write for, and I was wondering if you could do a Bill x Ted x gn!reader where y/n is autistic and they have a shutdown where they go nonverbal and everything feels uncomfortable (touch/sound/etc). Which in turn causes them to feel worse because now y/n feels like they're being a burden to their partners, but Bill and Ted will not let them believe that /Can be mostly fluff with a small bit of angst //you don't have to include this, but I do hc both Bill and Ted as neurodivergent, so if you want to input that you can 🌟

///This request does kinda stem from personal experiences, and I just needed some fictional comfort 😭

////Stay hydrated and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day/evening! 😊

Summary: Bill and Ted try to help you as much as they can whilst you have a shutdown

Warnings: Description of autistic shutdown, descriptions of overwhelming spaces. There's nothing too graphic or anything, though! Gender-neutral use of dude, that's just how they talk 0-0

Words:

Notes: I am so SO sorry this took so long - I was just determined to pour my heart and soul into this, as it struck me very deeply! I hope I can do this justice! Also trying out a slightly new format which is strange to me 0-0  My requests are currently open! My pinned post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist!  Original character list - please request for these too!

not my gif

Somehow, the pair of music-loving young men had managed to convince you to go with them to a local concert. How they had coaxed you into it, you weren't entirely sure - their voices had overlapped so much and so many times that you weren't quite sure who was speaking when. "Listen, it's all going to be okay! I mean, it'll be loud, but you'll be with us, we'll cover your ears if you need it!" The shorter of the two, Bill, assured you. He was already clearly ecstatic, practically bouncing as he shifted his weight back and forth on his feet. You hadn't even given a response yet, and he was already over the moon. "Yeah, you'll be with us!" Ted echoed, a huge, almost goofy smile on his face. Though the taller of the two seemed much slower in his movements, there was no doubt that he was just as excited as his best friend.

You had tried to explain that that wasn't always how it worked with your sensitivity, but no matter what you said, they always seemed to have an answer or a solution to every potential problem you presented them with. They were just so stoked at the idea you might join them to this concert - the event they had been waiting for months upon months to go to. The one thing that they had begged their parents to attend; that Bill had easily managed to cajole Missy to let him go to, and that Ted had somehow managed to convince his father that it wasn't anything nefarious, that he would be safe. They had already begun packing for you before you had a chance to properly consider - they were very sweet about it all, but your voice was very quiet compared to their overlapping chatter.

Three bags - backpacks - was what they ended up packing. "I think that should be enough..." Bill said to Ted, as the taller of the two was bringing more water into the garage from the house. "Are you sure?" Ted asked, "What if we run out of water? Don't want to ruin our throats, dude..." "I'm sure there'll be some there! Missy'll give us a bit of money, too..." Bill replied, starting to do up the backpacks, making sure everything was packed properly - maximising space whilst also ensuring that everything was at least somewhat secure, particularly the bottles of water. It simply wouldn't have done to have one of them burst in the bag, and soak one of your backs, especially when you were all going to be standing for so long. You stood there, awkwardly as the two friends rushed back and forth, making sure that everything was as they had planned. "Hey," Ted's voice broke you from a thoughtless daze. You blink a few times, and turn your gaze to him. "You okay?" He asks, his brows furrowed with boyish concern - he wasn't sure what was going through your head, but the worry was genuine, that much was clear to see.

You consider his question for a moment, before settling on your answer: "I'm... not sure...?" Ted is clearly puzzled by this response, so you fumble your way through a half explanation. "Well... I do want to go with you guys-" "You are coming with us!" Ted interjects, quite gleefully. "What I mean is, I... I'm really anxious about it- I've never done something like this before, I've never... been comfortable, with this kind of thing..." "Well..." Ted starts, trailing off for a moment. He must be trying to make some connections in his head. "Well, you'll be with us... " He repeats the mantra like statement that he and Bill had adopted since they broke the news to you that morning. "So, that'll help, right?" He asks - you had never been entirely open with the two about how some things would affect you in a drastically different way to what it affected them. Crowds overwhelmed you, excessive noise debilitated you and made you ever so irritated you, and change... Well, you had never let anyone but your family see the results and ramifications change had on you, but needless to say, it was unpleasant. Ted's quasi-reassurance came from a good place in his heart, but you weren't as sure that their presence alone would calm or aid you. You stay quiet for a moment, considering your options. Yes, you could refuse, and save yourself the potential overwhelming environment, but disappoint your friends... OR, you could risk it, make them possibly the happiest you've seen them in a long time, and it could all be okay. There was no way of telling. You sigh quietly, then offer Ted a tiny smile. "Yeah, I guess that could help...."

Before you had even entered the venue, there were hundreds of people, all swarmed together, bustling little bubbles of activity that you would rather avoid. Both Bill and Ted were in their element already, eyes widened with wonder and anticipation. This was what their whole lives had led up to so far. This moment - seeing a band in the flesh, and their excitement was starting to bubble up, with the evening barely started. You grab Bill's arm with both hands, pulling yourself close to him. He glances at you, and is about to say something - his mouth half open as the words begin to form - before he is interrupted by a cheer from one of the groups ahead of you, as the doors to the venue are finally opened.

Bill and Ted quicken their pace - they so badly want to get in there, find a good spot for you all. So eager are they, that they drag you head on into the flowing crowd. Bodies are pressed against bodies, all moving as one, never stopping. You're being pushed by people behind you, pulled by Bill, and by Ted. Your feet can hardly keep up - the minimal room to move not helping you at all. You stumbled along, with no choice in the matter. You feel your chest tighten - the night had only just set into motion, and already, it was starting to get to you. You tried to call out, to get the attention of one of your friends, but naturally your voice is lost in the sea of the rest. You try tugging at Bill's sleeve, and then Ted's - but because so many others had done the same in the last few minutes, that they didn't take any notice whatsoever. They keep pushing forward, dragging you with them despite your reluctance. It was all too much. You had no way to tell them, but it was too much.

You can feel your eyes start to almost glaze over as your voice dies in your throat. You can still see everything, but it felt... Far away, now. All of the noises that surrounded you blur and fade, becoming one distant and droning hum. You're rooted to the spot, though you're still somewhat aware of the fact that people are still knocking into your arms, shoving past you to make their way into the venue. It was a few minutes later, when Ted went to turn to you to say something about how totally amazing this was going to be, that they knew you had gone. Ted grabbed Bill's arm, shaking it violently to make sure he got his attention. Bill turned, brows furrowed, almost in annoyance as he pulled his arm away from his friend's grasp. "Dude, what-" "Listen - our trio's turned to two!" Ted exclaimed over the noise, grabbing Bill's wrist again. He dragged the curly haired teen back through the crowd, Bill struggling at almost every step. There was a flurry of questions from him: "What the hell do you mean, dude?" and "Why are we going back to the doors? We're going to miss it!" were the only ones that Ted managed to make out. He knew, that if Bill had realised you weren't with them, he'd be just as concerned as he was. Ted cranes his neck, scanning over the top of the crowd, looking for you. It's not as simple as it sounds: there are at least ten other people who he initially thought were you, but quickly came to realise they were not.

It took a few minutes, but eventually, they did find you. And, immediately, they knew something was wrong - of course, they didn't know exactly what, but, concert or no, they knew they had to help. "Let's try getting outside." Bill suggested to Ted, despite his earlier protestations that they would miss the show. When faced with the decision of your well-being and comfort, or a live show, it was a no-brainer. Carefully, trying not to startle you, they took your arms. You were almost like a ragdoll in their hands as they started to move to the back of the crowd, but suddenly you're pulling against them, resisting, trying to wrestle your arms from their hands. You'd snapped back to reality, feeling every sensation there was to feel; the overwhelming noise, the heat of so many bodies packed closely together, the tight grip of Bill and of Ted. You wanted none of it. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you struggle, and soon enough, Ted let's go, motioning for Bill to do the same. You draw in on yourself, holding your hands to your ears and looking down at the floor, trying your best to minimise the amount of stimuli your brain was taking in. It worked, to some extent. You feel a quick, but firm, tap on your shoulder - someone trying to get your attention. Your eyes dart up, mostly out of habit, to see Ted waving at you, his smile nervous and unsure. He beckons to you, silently calling you forward, and you shuffle slightly in compliance. It's difficult to move, but you register that both Bill and Ted are trying to help you get out of this situation.

Eventually, you're all outside, and Bill is trying to guide you to sit on the floor so you can rest for a moment, which proves extraordinarily difficult to him when he realises he can't touch you more than a tap. You both manage it though, and Bill and Ted sit either side of you, like they do ordinarily. You all stay quiet for a while - both of them expecting you to speak first, to say that everything is okay, that you're fine. But you don't. You just sit there, tears rolling down your face. Ted leans forward, waving a little to get your attention again, "You okay?" He asks, his voice quiet, unsure. You just turn your head towards him, unable to answer. You wanted to - oh how you wished to be able to! But... At the same time, speaking felt like it would be too much now. Ted didn't really know how to take your silence. Was it good? Bad? His eyes flitted to Bill, who instantly made eye contact; clearly they were thinking along the same line. There's a moment of tension, where the two boys seem to be mentally battling to see who should speak first. Bill eventually opens his mouth. "We're sorry..." He begins, "We.. We should have listened to you, about the concert and..." He trails off with a light sigh - not at you, but at himself. At Ted. They should have listened to you - should have arranged to do something else. You hear something rustle from beside you, and as you turn you see Ted offering you one of the bottles of water he and Bill had packed. "Drink, dude..." The dark haired boy urged. He knew you needed something, and that you may be in a state, but they both still want to take care of you, even if they were the main cause of the problem in the first place. Their hearts were in the right place, and now they wished to try and make up for their mistake. Bill wished that he had thought of your perspective a bit more, and sooner. He had been so wrapped up in his desire - which had practically become a need - to see this concert, that his mind could barely focus on anything else. His chest ached with the guilt of what he had brought on to you; he knew all too well what the overwhelm could feel like, and so did Ted. But their focus on the concert had thrown all other considerations out of the window, for both of them.

You shakily take the bottle from Ted, to find it already undone. You glance in thanks to him -unable to smile- before bringing the bottle to your mouth and taking the smallest of sips. It was all you could muster for the time being. "I have an idea!" Bill announced, a tad too loud for your liking, making you flinch. Bill notices, and winces too, giving you an apologetic look. "I was thinking..." His voice is softer now, more like a whisper. "We take you back to yours..." He points at you, "So that you can rest up... Y'know, sort yourself out and everything... We can stay if you want to, but-" He pauses, realising he's getting carried away with himself and starting to ramble. "And then..." He continues, back on his original train of thought. "When you're ready... You can come over to my place, and we can jam out." He gives you that trademark goofy little smile, all teeth and just reaching his eyes. There's a question teetering in your mind, bouncing around; one you can't yet voice. Ted, somehow manages to read your mind at that very moment; "Jam? You mean, we'll be using the guitars?" He considers for a moment, "I don't know... Your dad said he doesn't want to hear any bad playing anymore... and I'm not tryin' to say anything about your playing-" Ted turns to you, totally sincere, "But I don't think it's... Eddie Van Halen level yet, dude..." "Well, it can be with or without the guitars." Bill responds, "I mean, we've got the guitars to get to Van Halen's level." He shrugs, "And who cares what my dad says? It's not like he's there most of the time."

Ted considers his friend's words for a moment, his brows furrowed as if he had been posed with a very serious philosophical question, lips pursed in thought to complete the look. After a few seconds of this, Ted nods enthusiastically, seemingly satisfied with this answer, his grin returning. "It's settled then!" Bill announces with a grin just as wide as Ted's, and with the gusto of the old shining knights of yore. "We take our good fellow here," He gestures to you broadly with his hand, "Back to their dwelling for the eve. And then!" He points dramatically to the sky with one finger. "We shall wait to the morn... To jam!" You giggle quietly, and Bill's joyous face turns back to you, all teeth and smiles still. Ted's face lights up too, and the two boys meet eyes before doing their natural greeting to one another - an epic air guitar gesture that had become customary for them after so many years of being friends. It's not long after that, that the three of you are walking down the path to your home - taking up the entire pavement as you stand with all your shoulders practically touching, though the pair were careful to make sure that they didn't accidentally brush against you on the way back - they didn't want to upset you again. Bill actually nearly ended up falling into the road a couple of times because of this mindset, so ended up switching places with Ted. Then the same thing happened to him! The pair were laughing merrily at one another as they walked you down your drive. "I'll come see you at lunchtime tomorrow..." Bill says to you as you step onto your porch. "And then we can go pick up Ted on the way to mine, if you want to jam... If not, we could all hang out at your place, if you wanted?" Bill offered, and you nod slowly, "But you can tell us tomorrow, if you want, or later - if you can call?" Bill rambles a little, grinning at you. Though he still feels a bit guilty about the fact that his actions had upset you, he knew that you would all be able to work through it eventually; your reaction, to him and Ted at least, was perfectly natural. They may have had similar ones had they been put in a situation they had deemed unsuitable for themselves - Ted had certainly lashed out in the past because of the very same thing.

"But yeah, lunchtime tomorrow-" Bill repeats, "Don't forget!" He tells you, as if you ever would. With that, Bill and Ted scurry off into the evening air- the memory of the concert left behind and forgotten in favour of the plans the pair had started to make, in preparation for the next time the three of you got to spend time together, whether that be tomorrow, or even days in the future.

[taylormereditholivia1989]

I am still so grateful that @taylorswift liked the post of me and my sister Kate during the Lover era! For sure the most surrealist thing that's ever happened!

We are finally seeing Taylor live this year!! We have dreamt of seeing her live since we were young (7 and 4 years old). Money has always been tight for us. Our Mum and Dad knew how much we really wanted to go to the Speak Now tour in Belfast but unfortunately could not make it happen. ❤️

By the time 1989 and reputation came to Dublin, I eagerly watched videos of the tours on YouTube and posted updates on my tumblr. However, by then my little sister Kate was seriously struggling and repeatedly hospitalised with the (then undiagnosed) and vert rare connective tissue disorder that is Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Kate unintentionally lost a significant of weight during these years and stopped getting nutrition from her food. We were terrified and didn't know what would happen.

We were born with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and Dysautonomia, but these were only diagnosed last year. 🦓🦓💛💛

I have dealt with my symptoms from my early teens. My sister Kate has struggled since childhood. This has made socialising and forming solid friendships impossible as we are typically too ill to meet up.

Kate has a knee operation coming up soon. I have kyphosis surgery. We don't yet know if this will be before or after the eras tour in June. We hope everything works out and we can see Taylor live to celebrate all the eras.

To see Taylor right in front of us at Dublin Night One still feels too good to be true. This is what we have been waiting for all these years. I can't wait to sing and dance with Taylor and thousands of other fans for one magical night. I can't wait to have the best evening ever with my parents and my sister. This is what Kate and I have spent hundreds of hours sitting around the fire, carefully analysing verses and discussing hidden meanings. 🔮

Kate and I use a wheelchair part time. We do, however, plan to stand during the eras concert in the front right with our parents for a once in a lifetime experience. We will wear our braces and keep our pain medication topped up. We will get through the night. We know laughs and memories from the tour will last us a lifetime. We have many more tests and examinations left to carry out, but no doubt your jams (especially the tortured poets department as well as future music you are probably already working on). 🤣

We most look forward to hearing the song marjorie live. We both cried when we first listened to it. Taylor describes her grandmother beautifully. We feel especially connected to our grandfather when we listen to this. We discovered a few months back that we inherited our rare genetic condition from our grandfather. He passed young as it went undiscovered. We believe listening to marjorie helps keep his memory alive because we think of him. 💙☀️

We are lucky to have Taylor's music as a form of therapy. We relate to her quirks and her awkward and lovable sense of humour. We genuinely believe Taylor is the funniest person to ever live and we are entranced by how she is so unapologetically herself. Being 5ft 10 and seeing Taylor in the media has really helped me to be more comfortable and accepting of my height and my overall appearance.

@taylorswift if you just so happen to see this post or catch a glimpse of our sequin dresses, curly hair and ever-glittery eye makeup on stage please know: Kate and I are beyond ecstatic to celebrate at your concert. We are going to sing and dance like we have always dreamed of doing. Please ignore our clicking knees and hips if you just so happen to hear them up on the stage. I can say with almost 99% certainty any clicking will be our 22 and 19 year old bodies just doing their thing lol. 🤣

P.S. We can't wait to see your extremely sparkly outfits, shoes and makeup (we really REALLY love glitter in case it wasn't already obvious!!) in person. We love how unhinged you are with sparkles!! 💜

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

- Anna (and the slightly more monotone but equally as funny, Kate). 🩷🩷

[fairyniceyeah]

And I am here to light up your Saturday evening!

(although I should be working on my thesis as well)

I don't have a request, at least not now, but!

I wanted to know: how did you start liking this trope? What was your tell-tale? Anything in your past comes to mind?

And how do you usually write your fics? Planned or just go with the flow?

Lots of love 💜

You are the 🌞✨️ of my life 🥰

(... and yet - here we are lol)

Good question! I can't really remember when I started to actively search for sickfics but I think it was in my Percy Jackson phase (so maybe when I was like 12-14, about 10 years ago).

I've been writing since I could though, so it pretty quickly turned from just reading to writing;)

I know that as a child I never really "enjoyed" episode of cartoons or movies where a character was sick - because it felt so taboo? I don't even know why and I just remembered that recently. Maybe it was even back then that I liked it and felt like it wasn't socially acceptable for most people?

But well, then I was diagnosed with a lot of chronical illnesses over time and it brought me a lot of comfort to see my favourite characters of books, TV-shows, movies be "weak" too. Also, they received the mental and physical care I never really got?

I mean, I literally went to school with pneumonia once until my fever was so high I was begging to just sleep or there was the time my grandma had to beg my mom to let me stay home when I couldn't walk when I injured my foot... so I wanted my favourites to get what I couldn't have. So, yeah, I think that's how it happened!

Also a lot of educational purposes - many of my Les Misérables fics on Ao3 focus on explaining illnesses I have gone through or researched enough to feel comfortable to write about in a sickfic (education version) 😇

For your second question: I often have a scenario or maybe a dialogue stuck in my head that I build an idea around. Most of the time that's it. When I get stuck I do write down where I want to end up and turn that into a fic!

But yeah, I mostly work with short scene ideas/dialogue prompts 😇

For example, the upcoming Yeosang sickfic just started with these words (and only the first two lines was what I had in mind at first):

"Hyung, I don't feel well."

The five words every hyung-line K-Pop Idol dreaded to hear. Especially on the day of a concert. Especially when a few moments ago they had been asleep.

(So if anybody has a diologue prompt, please let me know!)

Thank you so much 🩷

Lots of love 🧚🏽‍♀️

[beneath-her-soul]

Time check: 0837hrs

Location: Train otw to work

I'm feeling a lil bit anxious right now. I don't know if I can make it on time to chase after the company's transport and also I'm still having dry cough and it's been like this for the past 3 days. I would also like to take my mind off by writing so I feel much calmer.

Over the last weekend, I spend my off days with Mr Husband by going to our first Halloween Horror Night at USS! I've never been to this event during my younger days as I never like crowds, horror, tickets are pricey and I was still schooling and it normally ends late at night hence, I need to have enough money so that I can actually pay for the tickets and taxi fare back home. In summary, it just cost expensive for me to pay for everything because I wasn't yet a working adult and I have curfew.

Mr Husband bought the tickets to surprise me as both of us are virgins for this event and since we're already married, why not right? He made sure I blocked off the date and told me not to make any plans. I was so excited and looking forward to it because it's been awhile since he come up with something for us.

After night shift, I slept for the entire 5hrs and woke up at 5pm to wash up and get ourselves prepared. H told me to wear something comfortable with my tokidoki bag and sports shoe as we're gonna be walking alot on that night. While I was doing my make up, I asked him if we're watching a concert lol 😂 Idk I just want to find out more to see if he's able to keep up with the surprise.

I was terrified at first bcs lol like I told you, I am never a fan of anything horror as it stresses the shit out of me and furthermore, it just makes me overthink when I'm alone. Almost every of the haunted house, I decided to walk infront and prefer H to be at the back bcs I hate it if the ghost starts to scare me from my back like I can't see but I can feel your presence behind me. I was laughing most of the time during the haunted house experience bcs of the other people in it as they were screaming and just trying to avoid getting scare hahaha it was hella funny. I was more fascinated by the works they put it on the set up. Every haunted house has a theme for it and it was well decorated it looks real. The cast look real and they didn't broke out of character.

During the journey to the destination, I somehow got a sense that we're going to go to Sentosa judging by the route we took. We parked our bike at vivo and took the monorail to Sentosa. It was crowded since it's Saturday. (And it's been awhile since I went out on weekends). And tadaaaa, we reached USS! It was crowded as heck and we were already perspiring. Bleargh. We brought our portable fan and it was a huge life saver for us. There were 3 terrifying haunted houses and 3 sinister scare zones. And btw, H also had another surprise by purchasing the express tickets. Homaigod how much have he spent in total just for these. Makes me feel guilty that he's spending so much just for this. But then again, it's worth it bcs the queue was insaneeeee for each of the haunted houses. I think I might just give it a pass if H didn't buy the express tickets.

The last haunted house we went to was The Weeknd: After hours til dawn nightmare. All you see was...... The weeknd, his chopped off head, everything of him. I'm just like 😮 I don't listen to his music but I knew who he was. I was really horrified and disgusted. The Botox face, just everything. But it was well executed I must say.

We did get to ride on mummy and transformers at least. The atmosphere was so lively as it's been such a long time since I attended something like this. Something that makes me feel alive. You know? I've been walking in circles over the last few months and going to this event at 29 years old, hits me differently.

We ended off our night at 0030hrs and head our way home. I kept thanking the husband for the surprise and it was memorable experience for first timers. Alhamdulillah, bucketlist ✅

Update: I made it to catch for my bus.

[lv-iceprince]

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR LIGHTSTICK!!!! I really want one, I was thinking of buying one, but then the rumors that they could finally come to my country so I decided to wait to see the ticket prices, because lately in concerts of other artists have put super expensive prices.

And I totally agree! Even if you're not there in the videos you can see how happy they are and how nice they treat Australia!!! 😭

And it's great because it means that also STAY treats them like home, meaning they always feel comfortable and are happy which makes the interaction WOW. So I understand perfectly!

Omg, you really loved working on my ship? It's a compliment that you enjoyed it! "Curious?" 👀 that's very interesting hahaha, I hope that song says rapapa hahaha, that Anton catches your heart! 😌

Oh, now you got me caught and excited waiting for the ship with Sungchan 🤭.

Anyway thank you so much for sharing your good experiences! It's always comforting to read them, by the way I scrolled down a bit on your profile to catch up and saw that I missed your birthday, but I hope you enjoyed your day and remember that you will always be a valuable person in this world, thanks for your effort and warmth!!!!

- 🍉😁

DUDE I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THE LIGHTSTICK EVEN EXISTS AND IS IN MY POSSESSION. I didn't save up as much money as I wanted for merch so I didn't get a shirt but I got the light stick, a key chain and this awesome randomized limited edition trading card (I pulled Seungmin). I hope the rumours are true and you get to go to see them. I think stray kids tickets are reasonablish with price for the experience but that might be different in your country. The light stick was $100 though and I questioned my whole purchase idea but by the time I went into the venue it was 10000000% worth it. I had been messing around with it in the venue and accidentally connected the bluetooth to the stage lighting thing so while I was waiting for the concert the lightstick started glowing red and kept turning on and off and I thought I broke it... I felt so dumb it just synced with everyone else and we were glowing together🙃

Honestly, lowkey I have beef with Australia even if I'm Australian so I don't know if we deserve it but man the niceness of them is so cute like they really want the best for Australia. An example is like my seats got moved because of "updated stage plans", so I was curious and when I got into the venue bro.... THEY HAD A BUBBLE TEA VAN WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SITTING😭 it was legit on the arena grounds, and they had special food for us Chkk Chkk Boom Chicken which was honey korean fried chicken and they also had a DominATE corndog. They also had like 4-5 different merch set ups so no one missed out on merch.

Also this wasn't skz related but the concert was in an official Marvel comics stadium so you walk around and there were just statues of the Hulk, Thor and The Hulkbuster as well as Moon Knight murals on the ceiling in the lobby part and Deadpool advertising everywhere. I just loved that that was the chosen venue it was fire.

I also got vip merch which was just sleep stuff, pillow cases, a sleep mask, socks, a robe and postcards of each member. It was just luxury and I haven't been to any kpop stuff besides skz because I always prioritize them but they set my standards, like Ateez are allergic to coming to Australia but if they did, don't even talk to me unless you have custom food and bubble tea (this is a whole joke don't take me seriously lmao).

Okay I'm currently working on your ship now and I liked it for an unexpected reason. I wanted to solve the mystery behind everything because slight spoiler it's got a lot of "negative" aspects but there are also a lot of good vital aspects and overlays so I haven't written the end part yet but so far I don't even know how to summarize this and it's so so long because so many dynamics are at play. I don't want to say it's a bad relationship and it's unhealthy but there are toxic parts but also you want to stay together apparently according to the placements and you will always come back to each other and you are just intense. It is literally so much to decode, understand and write but this is one of my favourite synastry ships because of how complex it is, man it even took forever for me to read the synastry chart I made.

And you got it that's literally the song! I wasn't even watching it for long and it was like 33 seconds in and I fell so hard for him. I felt bad because it wasn't even because it was Anton, he just reminded me of Hyungwon from Monsta X 💀 and I love nepotism babies who were born this way🤭

That's all good about my birthday though! I nearly missed my own birthday, forgot it was my birthday until my family said happy birthday lol

And I'm glad my good experiences or the stuff I talk about is okay like I don't wanna bore you at all but yes yes! nearly done with your ship so you can finally see why I love your ship!

[h-pelessly]

April 26, 2024.

I am actually writing this in May because ya girl had no time for personal stuff in April but here we are.

This day, we went to Hector's friend's band party. I was lowkey already hyped when Tim told me. Okay, hold on. So I started work the beginning of the week, and because the day before work I was stressing, I thought about it. And I was like we haven't gone to a party in awhile so like why not? It could be fun-- like who knows what will happen? And it'll be a band party so like if it is awkward, we could just turn to the music. So I told Tim that I was down, but at that point, he didn't want to go anymore because he was scared. I'm like ???? Like I get that he got anxiety, but he was literally the one that brought it up to me (I'm the more introverted one) and all of a sudden, I was hyped to go? Like it doesn't make sense, and he told me that he thought of bad things happening. Like ??? don't manifest that? AMNYWAY, so he made up his mind on Friday (which pissed me off bc I like to have plans in advance, but I mean, it was in the back of my mind the whole week.

So after my work day, we got ready and went over to the house. It turned out to be a "performance" in the backyard. I guess I was thinking it'd be like a house party, but I mean it is what it is. The area it was held was also fucking weird. It was on Fairview, but it was like a corner house? Yeah, super weird. But at least we got there early so parking wasn't complete ass yet. The entrance fee was $10+$7, but we got in for free. Tim thought it was because we knew Hector and were with him bc he was old friends with the band playing/person who owns the place, but apparently, it was because a transgender person got offended due to the flyer being inclusive. So they tried resolving the problem by making the entry fee free. So we won with that. The beginning of the event was fucking weird, not going to completely lie. We just all stood when it was still light out vibing to the shitty music. APOLOGIES, not shitty, but ya know.... Indie/punk music from locals. I remember feeling super awkward and felt like all those people were staring at me and Tim mostly because not only we're short and look like literal children, but we're also ASIAN. I was like I'm gonna pretend to vibe to the music, but also like I didn't know how to vibe because they're indie artists and idk the music.

Thankfully, we kept leaving to get stuff so we didn't just stand in one place for the rest of the night. There were cops at some point when we were walking out so we sat back for a while. Weirdly, the cops were there for a different reason so the party was fine. We went back and Hector's friend welcomed us (as if he didn't meet us earlier) but it was fun and cool. Thankfully, Hector was there also so we just stood there catching up with his friends.

Then, fast forward to the party. I wanted to stay to support Hector and his friends. Unfortunately, his friend's band was the literal last. That sucked. I mean Tim had fun, but I was kinda iffy about the whole thing. I don't know why I thought it would be fun, but it was not. The indie music was not fun or vibey. Because I didn't know it, I couldn't even pretend to have fun. The crowd was shitty. How are u gonna be black out drunk or roll??? AT AN INDIE CONCERT???/ I was like bro. People were shoving and stomping around which made me super iffy.

Well, I mean it is what it is. At least it's over and done for. New experiences and all.

Books I Read this Month;

Circling Back to You by Julie Tieu (7/10) I picked this one up because I saw it at B&N and it was Asian rep– written by an Asian author and both MCs are Asian, but the thing that had me starting was that there was an audio version available. When I first read it, it gave me very comfortable vibes, but then as I started reading on, I was not amused. This is a workplace romance where they were already workplace husband/wife and they bring it to life. Their chemistry was non-existent. Like just stay work husband/wife because bringing it outside of work made me roll my eyes. Cadence, the FMC, was weirdly jealous before they even got together which is understandable, but the standoff vibes she gave was like??????????? You are a middle aged corporate girlie. Please act more professionally. And their biggest problem was proximity like if that’s your biggest problem, you should not be together. And the ending is that they date when he is her boss??????? Yeah, no thanks I was so bored less than a quarter in.

Tutoring the Player (8/10) I loved this book. It had me giggling and kicking my feet. The way I was transported back to another Briar U kind of moment? Not exactly– I missed my off campus boys, but this shit was cute like that. I didn’t have a thing for Jordan like my obsession with Garrett, but it is what it is. Regardless, it was still such a cute story. Not gonna completely lie though, the FMC, Daisy and her friends being the “wallflowers” is such a stupid concept, but the love triangle piece is chef’s kiss. Sometimes, I had to remind myself that these are barely turned adults. I was highkey so annoyed with the cousin, Violet.

To Love Jason Thorne by Ella Maise (7/10) You can never go wrong with a best friend’s brother trope. SUPERIOR trope. I was kind of intrigued by the childhood friends to lovers which was the best part of the book in my opinion. It made me feel things like I wanted to hug little Olive when she felt like she was in love with Jason while he saw her as just her brother’s younger sister. Then it all went downhill. I absolutely loved Olive and her supportive friends (mostly just Lucy) but I loved how Olive is an aspiring/successful writer. But JASON. Jason threw me tf off. He was a known player and a bad boy? No sir, you are too innocent (bc we knew him as a little boy) to be acting like this. So the marriage of convenience trope was pretty good and the “my wife” microtrope is absolutely superior, but I was like this is so cheesy. Also, her friends being absolutely backstabbers????? Yeah, totally uncalled for. Anyways, my faves are Lucy, Olive being up there as well, then Jason (bc he’s a man and was honestly boring.)

Practice Makes Perfect by Sarah Adams (6.9/10) Will Griffin is my man. His tattoos in the cover???? Yes sir. And his bodyguard job? Yes please— I didn’t even know how attractive I found it until him. However, I was so bored. Like Will is super sweet to Annie, but there’s so much miscommunication and I felt suffocated by the small town vibe. Like EVERYONE was in their business. Annie felt like she was placed in a box by the town and her sisters which I felt for her, but I’m like you are literally a grown ass woman. If you can’t tell your sisters (who are so wrong for making you feel like this first of all) then how are you going to tell the town how you feel? And her dream for a white picket fence future like I felt so suffocated like Will. Yeah he’s super gentle and patient with her, but I felt like everything was so slow in the book that I genuinely wanted to gauge out my eyes for most of the book. There are some very emotional parts!!

The Inmate by Freida Mcfadden (7/10) Um, the twists and turns??? I was lowkey mad that my intuition was wrong because I thought there was something wrong with Tim-- he's too possessive. AND from my mystery/thriller shows, I feel like I know the fact that if you don't see something, you might be wrong so I was confused. Honestly though I was annoyed at the FMC so I was like honestly I don't care if you get your HEA if you act like this. I did NOT expect the ending like that shit was wild. How are u gonna drop the fact that Josh is a child of incest and just walk away????? He also killed his father (who was bound to kill him but hello??) Although this was not my fav, I'm excited to read/listen to more Frieda Mcfadden.

Bumps in the Road by Kat Paige (7.3/10) This wasn’t a bad read, but the miscommunication annoyed me. This is my first read from Kat, and this as her debut novel was amazing, but it just shows how young she and her writing is and how it/she can grow. I love the best friend’s brother trope, but I feel like it’s more of brother’s best friend being a superior trope. Also, the miscommunication makes absolute sense, but it just goes to show that both the people weren’t grown up enough to address it. The two were supposed to be in their late twenties, early thirties, but it felt like I was reading about teenagers/young adults. I understand that I think too highly of older people, but like why are you acting like we’re in high school? Also, the environment of Scotland made me very scared and overwhelmed. Also sad.

Calling it Safe by Lo Everett (7.8/10) This is the first book I’ve read of Lo’s, and I was in absolute love with the FMC, Mia. However, it’s Icebreaker, but make shit actually interesting. Smut is good, but too much just makes me confused like there is plot, but there’s just a lot of animalistic sex. Don’t get me wrong. Dean’s dirty mouth is everything, but also, DAMN. Can we talk more about feelings and just THINGS? The friend group was likable at first, but why does it support homie hopping within and sharing? Like it’s probably like that in the world, but c’mon just give me THIS!!!! They are NBL players. Let the other girlies fall in love with them too. But Lo’s writing is amazing.

[dylawas-reblogs]

I am ready to give up

ready to quit my job

ready to dump all of my savings into a gaming computer/vr and a trip to another country/a long distance friend

ready to hurry and outline the remainder of HLAL for my readers so they have SOME closure if not the full completed series

and then I'm ready to peace out of this existence by christmas (not before I make sure friends are in my legal will, there are things I don't want my family to have)

btw if you're gonna report this post this isn't a concrete 'plan' (no intent to put it to action yet)

but i don't know why the fuck I try anymore

i'm tired

i'm burned out

i'm depressed

people reach out to me and offer to help but idk how they can with the things i need help with

and maybe it's cruel of me but it's starting to feel like the equivalent of 'thoughts and prayers'

they'll feel powerless when there's nothing they can do; I'll feel powerless that there's nothing they can do. Everyone will just feel even more like shit if I try

emotional support's not enough anymore & I can't ask for money

I have enough

just don't have a guaranteed stable/sufficient income to confidently move out (I refuse to be a financial weight)

not to mention why the hell would I reach out when everyone else is floundering too

i can't find a job in my degree not even an unpaid internship

and i'm continuously being denied my graduation present of a high end gaming desktop because of it

(and because to my guardian it's not the 'right' kind of graduation present so he's spiteful)

i'm too anxious to network (and i don't even know what the point is when all these people i'm reaching out to aren't in positions to help suggest a position)

I open linkedin and burst into tears every time

In her defense she probably didn't know, but a recruiting person told me my skills were "better suited for an internship" when I have my BACHELORS

and most internships EXCLUSIVELY want college students which i'm not anymore

I can't find an alternative full time job that wouldn't make me want to puke or tear myself apart

I'm always told to go outside but go where? There are no Third Spaces within walking distance, and going places costs money

i'm paying half of my part time income in rent in my OWN GUARDIAN'S HOUSE while he fucks off to a new vacation/concert every third week

I was passed over for a promotion I was half counting on as an alternative to a new job

the job I'm currently working just stripped away extra hours because people were picking up too many so I can't work extra to offset rent

again I want to reiterate I HAVE MONEY but this greatly diminishes saving ability

and this whole vent was originally all gonna be in tags but this is the part where my tags didn't save because I had too many when I drafted this post

so oh boy I get to retype more than half of my grief from memory

so just know i'm probably forgetting something

My laptop wifi driver card was failing every hour for a while and no software troubleshooting resolved it

so it's probably a hardware issue (it's stopped for now but I know it will come back to bite me later)

Apparently my car's brakes need to be replaced and I was basically blamed for not knowing

but I didn't know that they needed replacing because I was never taught what to look out for and nothing seemed wrong to me

And these kinds of surprise expenses are EXACTLY why i basically have a phobia of spending money

anytime I think "I'm in a comfortable position I can treat myself!" almost immediately after something fucking breaks

it's a curse

speaking of shit fucking breaking, my whole body is in agony

went to a deceased relative's house to clean out everything yesterday and hated every second of it

(house was disgusting/family member was a smoker, which I have ZERO tolerance for)

but I went anyway, because it was the right thing to do and the immediate descendants would have been short handed otherwise

and my older brother ratted me out to The Overlord when I pointed out how shitty it was he wasn't going to be there when he was the favorite relative

And my brother did this KNOWING how this man will threaten to take away transportation/living arrangements/make you LITERALLY PAY if you don't kiss his fucking boots and grovel

the equivalent of telling on a shoplifter who was taking food because they're starving to the cops

so now I'm determined to not have a relationship with my older brother alongside the Overlord when I can finally escape

in the meantime i can't fucking write/draw/game/etc without feeling overwhelming guilt because I "should be working on a portfolio/job hunting"

so even when I try to relax, I can't, either through not enjoying the activity or not being able to start it at all

"You can't have fun" "okay let's do the hard stuff then" "no."

can't even do the portfolio part because of the burnout and general exhaustion from work anyways

And where the hell would I even "advertise" or gain a following when every social media is imploding either due to poor management or hostile AI takeover that will take your art/writing without a second thought to add to its Frankenstein algorithm

And the (in comparison) "moral" social media options are all niche to the point where you wouldn't be able to build a sufficient following anyways

this kind of self marketing shit is in and of itself a full time job, but oops! I'm already working!

Don't get me wrong I knew social media was a rat race before I graduated college, but nothing and no one could have prepared me for the way it is now. There was no AI competition until a year before I graduated, and that's going to change the entire field/process.

feels like my career coach and every job hunting site is wildly out of touch with how the market is now not just in my career but EVERYWHERE

And I want to try to start dating again, but there's no way in hell I can do that in confidence when I'm still living with a conservative fuckface

So there's another point for "can't move on in life if I don't get the fuck out of here"

Every single thing I do these days is "fucked if I do, fucked if I don't, and there's no reward for either option"

No social media is no exposure/followers, but social media is basically by default art theft now

working extra hours takes away more of your free time for recharging/portfolio, but not working means you're barely scraping by, and only if there's no emergency

Not saying anything to the people who are wronging you lets them think they can get away with it/think they're doing no wrong, but calling them out results in punishment and victim blaming

Nothing I do feels right, no matter if I kick it in reverse or drive, my wheels spin in every direction and everyone who IS in a position to help push the damn car just stands from afar and suggests, "Try turning the steering to the right for the fourteenth time!"

SOMETHING needs to change. But that kind of change can't happen unless the environment changes, and that can't happen because I have to make sure my income doesn't become a net negative, meaning nothing can change because I'm not in a position where asking for a rent decrease is an option.

And I KNOW most of this isn't my fault. I KNOW most of it is a side effect of a sick and decaying capitalistic society compounding on my own mental illnesses. It still feels like this has to be my fault anyways, because I'm being actively punished by it by the people closest to me (physically, not emotionally).

What is the fucking point.

Edit 8/14/23: Overlord, stop pressuring me to go to a "roast" for my deceased relative. I didn't hate him, but I disliked him, and me and my mother KNOW the "roast" is just a funeral service coated in clown paint-- which he didn't want.

[all-things-fandomstuck]

I'm over everything. When the people you're living with make plans without asking you, and you try to bring up your concerns but you get brushed off.

Ok, let me explain it a bit better. The people I'm living with have pets. And one of them is more in charge of taking care of them than the other. I don't really engage with them since they're not mine, and while, yes, said animals do come to me for snuggles sometimes, I'm not their main caregiver. Well, the other two people made plans to go off to a concert for two days while I was away visiting the rest of my family. When I got back, they told me to "make sure [I] took two specific days off, so that they could go to the concert."

This is where it gets annoying. I told them that I wasn't comfortable taking care of FIVE different animals that I don't normally feed and care for by myself. That got brushed off. I mentioned that I didn't know what I was doing and that I didn't know how to care for them. The answer I got? "We'll make you a list". My response, I'm not comfortable, and as such, I don't want to do it. "Well, we already bought the tickets".

So, now, I'm stuck taking care of someone else's pets, and I had to take time off of work to do so, because someone couldn't take no for an answer.

And, they've already scheduled another trip, but it was put in a way that made it clear that I wasn't wanted, and that this situation is going to happen yet again.

I'm really starting to get the feeling my life isn't my own anymore.

[astral-athame]

Cass had lived in New York for a handful of years when she was a teenager. From there, she'd move to Massachusetts for college. She was used to snow. But this felt like a lot. Travel certainly wasn't impossible, and once they got the roads better cleared up she was sure the flow of traffic would return to semi-normal; but she also knew there were likely cautions on the news, barring "unnecessary" travel because of the risk of iced out roads and snow building too quick to keep up with. It was coming down in vision-blurring sheets of white right now and it didn't look like it was going to let up anytime soon. But that was alright. As much as she wanted to do the concert, she'd rather hold it when it was a little safer to do so. Besides, snow days were few and far between as an adult, and she was feeling a bit nostalgic for the mornings school would be cancelled and she could snuggle up in the warmth of her bed a bit longer then spend the rest of the day playing video games or practicing the guitar or just... doing anything other than sitting at a stuffy desk, feeling restless.

"You're right," Both about it being better that people wouldn't be risking their lives just to make it to the show and about the fact that her vocal chords would be glad for the extra bit of rest. She held her gaze out the window for a moment or two longer before pulling the curtains shut again and turning her attention more fully to Danny. "A day off won't be so bad. We'll find something to do," She realized, after she'd said it, that it sounded like she was insisting that they'd find something to do together. She definitely wasn't opposed to the idea of that (in fact, she'd quite like to spend more time with him), but she didn't know if he already had plans. Or maybe he just wanted to relax for the day. She didn't mean to make it sound like she insisted that he join her for the day. "I mean separately. Or together. Whichever. If you already have plans, I don't want you to feel like you have to hang out with me or whatever..." She felt like she was digging herself an even bigger hole by rambling a bit. Worse, she could tell she was blushing in embarrassment, if only slightly. A part of her wanted to just hide behind the curtains. But there was the matter of breakfast to discuss, and considering she'd accidentally skipped dinner last night, she was starving. "I'd love some waffles..." Freshly made waffles, a little crispy on the edges, with fruit and whipped cream, maybe some bacon on the side... was there anything better? She gave him a small smile, knowing Danny well enough to be sure that, now that she'd mentioned waffles, that's exactly what he'd bring back for her. She felt like he spoiled her a bit in that regard. He was attentive to the boys, too, as much as he needed to be for his job... but she knew he had a tendency to pay special attention to her for some reason. Maybe it was, at least in part, because she was the only girl in the group- even their road manager and the tour bus driver were guys, after all. Or maybe it was because she and Danny had had some sort of connection from the start (at least, she'd kind of felt like they had).

Whatever the case, she was glad to have him around. She felt comfortable with him, knew she was safe. And after a handful of terrifying incidents that he'd helped protect her from, well, she owed him plenty. "Alright- you go get us breakfast," Just like he'd offered to do. "I'll get dressed and call Kevin-" She wasn't sure if their road manager, Steven, had called their actual manager, Kevin, about all of this yet so she figured it would be smart to give him a quick call to update him on the situation. "Then I'll get in touch with Steven about scheduling a new date for the concert." All in all, it shouldn't take too long- maybe 10 or 15 minutes. Surely both of the men had been in touch already and discussed what to do about moving the show date to keep them on schedule for the last month of the tour. But she liked to know what was happening. She should be done with all of it well before Danny got back with breakfast.

Being a Native New Yorker meant that being in the snow was sort of second nature whenever it came to the cold snow Mother Nature decided to cast upon their current location. Of course, Danny Ketch was also the type of person who rode his motorcycle through ice and snow thanks to his special abilities that no one was wise enough to know about him, unless you were his half-brother Johnny, but he was halfway across the country right now with some Southern belle, and quite frankly the calls between the two were few and far between. He had his own life, and Danny had his as an on-road security consultant for Cassia and her Phantom Overdose band. The more in popularity that they grew, the better the paychecks were for his own personal self and bank account, but that wasn't particularly why he signed on for the gig. The opportunity to travel across the country and have a reason to do it was one particular factor, but the other reasoning lied within Cassia herself. Her unique energy and the charisma that she possessed ( she probably didn't even realize how much of it she had ) had enticed him to sign on, even against his better judgment. At least she made these trips worth it.

"Blizzards suck, but they're not always a bad thing Cass. Means you just gotta find something else to bide your time and take a load off your shoulders. I'm sure your voice ain't complaining about the suddenly unscheduled day off appearing in your schedule. The people will get their show; they just need to wait a day or show. Seeing a show ain't worth the risk if your car ends up skidding off the road and they end up in a fatal accident. And uh, sorry. Didn't mean to get so grim with that example, but I'm sure you catch my drift," Danny apologized. Truth be told, even in the snow days that he did encounter, it didn't really alter the typical plans that he usually took part in. Could be drinking, riding his bike all over the place, maybe even reaping souls if there were any damned ones walking around. "Why don't you change out of your pajamas and get into something more comfortable while I head down to the ground floor of the hotel and see if the chef can cook up anything special for my favorite singer?"

[misaverawrites]

Beneath the Morning Sun (Kerry Eurodyne x Reader)

tags: bisexual kerry eurodyne, kissing, in that weird stage between dating and relationship, you both shower together but it's not sexual, reader is V, first-time use of "i love you.", kinda angsty lol

summary: it was a normal morning until Kerry said he loved you.

a/n: look, he's canonically bi, that's all I'm arguing.

The warmth from the intermingling of your bodies awoke you as the warm rays of sun lit the bedroom you were in. Kerry lies next to you still asleep and his arms wrap around you. You smile at his sleeping figure, you brush a lock of hair out of his face, kissing his forehead, before freeing yourself from the mishmash of limbs between the two of you to go get dressed and prepared for your day.

The two of you had been dating for just a few months, after Mikoshi. He had helped you through your trauma, you helped him with him and the both of you were taking everything slow in this relationship. His divorce had left a scar in his heart, dating-wise. You were the first real relationship he'd had besides a few flings in his later years.

You stepped into his shower, washing your hair and body, letting the hot water hit your body. It stung a bit against some of your more recent wounds from jobs. You hear the door open behind you and see Kerry, sleep still in his eyes as he flashes you a tired smile, one that you repeat back to him.

"Can I join you? In the shower?" He asks you quietly as you nod simply, he slides the shower door open and steps you, shedding his boxers. The two of you feel the tranquil energy of that morning, you run your hands through Kerry's hair a bit as you kiss his temple softly. Nothing sexual, just pure romance. You felt thankful for Johnny, bringing the two of you together in the way that he had. He'd be happy to see the two of you together, at least you thought so.

It was a quiet morning, Kerry seemed like he was mulling over something but you didn't want to bother it. The two of you had just decided to spend the morning outside by Kerry's pool, the sun was beating on Night City and you had been in a pool since you were a teenager.

"How is the tour planning, Kerry?" You try and make some conversation, he'd been quiet and it worried you a bit. You didn't want to think he was mad at you, you hoped he wasn't at least. Your question seems to bring him out of some sort of trance state. "Hm? Oh, it's fine. Should be getting around the N.U.S.A and a few other worldwide concert dates, you know..."

You sigh and nod a bit, something just feels off with him right now. It feels like something is bottled up inside of him and while you don't want to pry, you want to know what he's thinking.

"Hey, you know you can tell me if something is bothering you, Kerry." You know it's a heavy-handed statement, it was one that bothered you when you were a kid, yet here you were, using it. Kerry looks at you nervously as he pats the spot next to him on the edge of the pool, you join him.

"V... I haven't been with anyone romantically since Louise. I just didn't bother with it because the divorce was bad... But, V... I love you so much. I love you in a way that I haven't loved anyone at all in a long time and it... it scares me a little bit." He holds your hand, you don't want him to think you're upset about these feelings because you aren't but at this moment, you're still trying to stand on your own two feet.

"Kerry..." He watches you, almost expectantly. "I'm just not there yet, I care about you a lot but, right now. I just want what we've had... I want to tell you that I love you when I'm ready." He looks disappointed but, understanding at the very least. He wants the both of you comfortable in this relationship and he's willing to wait as long as the two of you need.

"Okay, that's fine, V," He presses a kiss to your forehead, tender, loving, "I'm always here for you." You felt your heart thump tightly at that statement, you knew you were going to love him... Even if it wasn't right now. His hand wrapped tightly around yours confirmed his statement as you leaned against him.

He's always here for you.

[liyawritesss]

Lost In Japan - Hawks (Takami Keigo x Fem!Black/Poc!Singer!Reader)

Hawks - the man that goes just a little to fast. You know him, you love him, and you're about to hate me for butchering him in my writing.

I've never written for Hawks before, so this can either be amazingly beautiful or a horrible disaster.

Listening to music from the early to mid-2010s again had me reminiscing on more simpler times, and when Lost In Japan by Shawn Mendes came on, the first thing to pop into my head was Hawks. I feel like, for someone he truly cares for, he'd fly a thousand miles to be in their presence. It's just the kind of man he is.

Warnings: suggestive tones, fem!black/poc!reader

Hawks was perched on a rooftop in some city he was assigned a mission in. He was to tired to remember, his body aching with exhaustion, weighing much more than he was comfortable with. Perhaps it was because of the villains he was apprehending just a few hours prior, or the fact that he hadn't been taking proper care of himself, or the fact that the facade he had been holding up for so long was starting to weigh down on him. It was starting to get harder to distinguish between the three.

The blond scrolled through his phone on current events happening around Japan. Mainly, the concerts that [y/n] had been holding for the past few days.

Despte both of you being in the public eye - he, the No.2 Pro Hero in Japan, and you, the No. 1 hottest musician of this generation - your little entanglement was kept as secret as possible. He'd be lying if he said the secrecy wasn't an adrenaline rush. He didn't appreciate having to share his song bird with the rest of the world, but beggers couldn't be choosers. As long as he was the last person you sang to at night, we was content with your secret relationship.

"Last concert day, aye?" He mumbled to himself as he scrolled past an article that praised the singer's sold out event. It was your last concert before you would return home, before you'd be leaving him. Although Hawks wasn't against the distance between the two of you - as it served as your protection - he will admit it came as an inconvenience when he had to go on a mission the week during your visit in Japan.

He looked at the clock on his phone, the numbers ready 10:58pm. You were probably just getting back to your hotel room. A gloved hand came to scratch the stubble of his chin as the pro hero dialed your number. The name songbird💜 popped up on the screen and the soft buzz of the ringing filled his earphones.

You stepped out the bathroom just as your phone buzzed on the hotel room nightstand. The name kei 💜 popped up on your phone, making a smile spread across your lips. You had been looking forward to spending time with the bird brain since you landed in Japan, but because of conflicting schedules, it proved to be harder than what you thought. Yet, Keigo left you with the words "I'll make a way, songbird. Trust me," and who were you to not give him the benefit of the doubt?

"Hi, Keigo," you spoke through the phone, and he could practically hear the smile on your lips when you spoke.

"Hey songbird. Missed me?" The blond replied, a teasing little smirk gracing his lips. Hearing your voice after such a hard mission was like music to his ears.

"Do you want the sweet answer or the smart-ass answer?"

"Ooo, a little fiesty tonight I see."

"Yes, I missed you, bird brain."

Your soft giggle sent his heart fluttering, and that smirk was replaced with a genuine smile. "Do you got plans tonight, baby bird?"

You hummed a no in response. "I have to leave at around noon tomorrow..."

"Well, I'm a couple miles from you," said Hawks. "I was thinking I could fly to your hotel tonight?"

"Kei, you know my managers like, right next door to me." You remind him, but you couldn't deny that the thrill of being caught with the pro hero hadn't crossed your mind.

"Don't act like it doesn't excite you, baby bird," mumbled Hawks in that low, sinful voice that had you weak in the knees, hardly breathing. "I just can't get you off my mind, darling. And I know its the same for you,"

He could almost imagine the exact reaction you were giving to his words - your cute lip bite, the fiddling of your fingers, oh what he'd give to see you right now.

"Dont act like the thought doesn't excite you," said Hawks In that low, sinful voice that had you weak in the knees, hardly breathing. "I just can't you off my mind, baby bird. And I know its the same for you."

There was silence for a moment, from what Hawks could imagine was another lip bite. "You bad, Kei?"

"Oh, I'm bad, baby," replied the blonde, his smirk having returned. "I'm despicable."

"Pull up then," you said, your sultry voice making his feathers ruffle with excitement. "You know my window's always open for you."

That was enough to make the pro hero forget about the ache in his bones, as he took flight into the cold night's air.

Jesus this is so horrible, but I love it still.

I hope you guys like this, not the best writing I've done but it is my first time writing for hawks, so it can only get better from here on out.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don't be shy to send in a request!!

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: You Always Meet Twice

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37455736/chapters/95735650

Chapter 8

Still enchanted by the night with Nick in the studio, Morrie nearly sleepwalked through the following days. Again and again, he recalled the very details of their conversation, every glimpse of his idol's movements, him purring, flirting and clinging onto him. The way he faltered under the weight of his loss. Morrie was flattered that Nick shared this secret with him. With that in mind, he began to rehearse with the Morg until it was stage-worthy. He completely changed his solo-part to match the new abilities of the instrument. The show was going to be amazing, he knew it. A little downside was that he felt more tense than before. But with the band's support, what could go wrong?

A few days later, the Make Believes arrived in another sold-out concert hall in the Parade District and Morrie tried to distract his pounding heart during sound check. He told himself he was rather excited than nervous. He definitely sensed a mixture of both. When he was content with the sound, he went into the backstage room to wait for their announcement. Brad was already there, Matt and Chris came after. Nick would usually hide himself away until the beginning. Morrie chattered with the others to distract himself and forgot the time until he froze, because he had the feeling that they should've been announced long ago. The fans' screams became louder, as if someone showed up on stage. Could it be Nick? But Virgil hadn't arrived yet to give them the sign.

“Should we go out?”, Morrie asked with furrowed brows, looking from one band member to the other. Brad only shook his head, eyeing the floor. “Virgil's the word”, Chris added. “Something is wrong!”, Morrie insisted. “How do you know?” Morrie fell quiet to think, what gave way to the fans' screaming. Since nobody came to help him, he said: “We're late.” He got a chuckle from the others for that.

“The Golden God is never late”, Brad pointed out. Morrie gave Matt a questioning look. “It's true”, the Make Believe said: “Everything is fine. Take a breath, Morrie, you're all tense.” The pianist crossed his arms to stop his fingers from fidgeting around. “I wish Nick wasn't so...unpredictable.” “That's part of his charm”, Chris said with a lopsided grin. Morrie gave up and continued to wait, but he didn't like how the screams became angry. Also, he hated to stand around to do nothing.

“Can't we go out and play an opener of sorts? Just to keep them entertained until Nick arrives”, he offered after a few minutes. Brad's answer was short: “Won't help. They want Nick.” Morrie sighed and cupped his face with his hands. “Where is he then?” Nobody answered him.

“I feel like they freak out if we don't do something!”, he begged. “They most likely will”, Brad answered just as coolly as before. “Yeah...Today might be one of those days...”, Chris muttered and lighted himself a joint he had produced from somewhere. Then he lit up Brad's. “Are you serious?”, Morrie shouted at the group that was starting to get comfortable. They returned uncomprehending looks.

Morrie spun around. “I'll go outside and save this!” “Whoa, there.” A strong hand grabbed him. “Easy.” The pianist glared at Brad who didn't blink an eye. “You're not going anywhere, man! It's not worth it!”, Chris warned him. “This gig isn't worth it? I had hopes for this!” “There'll be another! Don't flip your lid now, we still need you!” “Yeah, don't leave us now. You're fun, even if a little jumpy at times”, Matt added with a well-meaning smile. Morrie looked at the drummer again who still held him in his grip. He didn't like how his bandmates implied that going on stage was really dangerous. “So...what's your plan?”, he asked quieter. “Virgil is the boss”, Chris answered. “Well, technically, it's Nick, but you know what I mean.” Morrie didn't feel like asking what “technically” meant. He relaxed enough so that Brad let go of his arm. But he felt watched as if he would run away any second.

He felt awful, waiting for the manager to release him while the fans supposedly went rampage in the hall. The band didn't seem to care though. Also Matt ended up smoking a joint. Virgil was out of breath when he rushed into their backstage room and told them to leave right now. He looked sour, too. The band then hurried, seemingly glad to leave. “Our equipment!”, Morrie blurted out during their escape. “We have to save it!” “It's taken care of”, Brad assured him with a little push. “Just go!” They fled though a backdoor and used the smaller alleyways to reach the entrance to the underground. They could hear the fan's riot from far away. Morrie believed he heard glass break, metal too, or even bones. He felt sick the entire time while the others were already joking about it in the underground.

This night would be a headliner for sure. But for the wrong reasons.

“Virgil, where is Nick?”, Morrie whispered to the manager while the others were laughing out loud. Virgil kept his sinister look under the brim of his fedora. “Is he okay?” Turning to Morrie, the manager's features lightened up for a second. “He's at home and getting better.” “What happened to him? Is he hurt?” “Nothing you need to worry about. Let me handle him”, Virgil said firmly. “It's not the first time this happened, right?” Morrie's stomach tickled unpleasantly at that. “No harm done, Morrie. Just a matter of rescheduling the show. You smash them next time and nobody will remember tonight.” “Hmmm...” Morrie fell quiet. He was very tired now. He rarely listened of the other's banters and went home with them in silence.

When the band settled down before the telly, Morrie went back to Virgil. “So, Nick is here? Can I see him?” He didn't fancy waiting until days later to find out what was going on. He needed to see Nick, to ask him why he had to boycott this gig. The one especially that Morrie had been looking forward to. Virgil, who had been about to climb the stairs now stopped to look at the younger man. “Well...he might not be able to talk to you now...”, he answered carefully. “So, he's really hurt?” “I don't know yet...” Morrie tried to make puppy eyes at Virgil. “Could you let me know if he's alright? I'm worried and I really need to speak to him.”

To his surprise, Virgil pondered quite a while until he answered: “You know, you might be just the right person he needs to see. He's in his bedroom. Try your luck, but don't be loud and don't make any quick movements.” Dumbfounded by this outcome, Morrie hastened up the stairs. By now, he knew where the rockstar's bedroom was. He went to the second floor and then came to a halt in front of his door. Then he wondered if he should knock. It could be too loud. Knock quietly? He could overhear that.

Morrie chose to be half-polite, to knock first and to assume he overheard it when he didn't answer. He gently touched the door with his knuckles. As expected, nobody answered, so Morrie opened and waited. Since Nick didn't protest, he went inside.

He immediately noticed that his bedroom was in dire need of fresh air. The purple curtains were closed, so it was also rather dark. The big disco ball over Nick's bed cast a few light spots here and there. Morrie decided not to turn the light on because it could upset Nick. As a result, he stepped on something that almost made him fall. A glass bottle. He kicked it at a whim and it rolled away. A chair that lie on the floor stopped it. Now Morrie noticed that most of Nick's furniture was turned upside down and the paddings were ripped apart, as if someone had broke in and wrecked the room. Papers lay on the floor, some were new, some crumbled. Only the bed was still standing and the rock idol lay in it. He stirred when the bottle clanked against the chair.

“Virgil?”, he rasped, “Go easy on me, okay? I...I can't feel my legs...” His voice was like a flickering light in the darkness. Suddenly, the young musician felt sorry for bothering his idol this way. For judging him and expecting answers. “It's me, Morrie”, he whispered back, closing the door behind him. “Should I get Virgil?” “Morrie?” Nick's tone changed. He began to wave his hand. “Morrie! Come here!” The younger musician quickly followed and accepted the hand that reached out for him. Nick gave him the most tender look. “It's so good to see you,” he sighed and squeezed his hand. Morrie knelt down besides him.

“Nick, what happened to you? Did someone attack you?”, he gasped. “I had a nightmare”, Nick whispered. “But it's over now.” “A nightmare?” Morrie was confused. “Is there anything I can do for you?” Nick squeezed his hand gain. “Just stay”, he sighed. Then he closed his eyes.

Morrie remained kneeling on the floor, unsure about what to do. The warm hand didn't let go and Morrie actually liked to hold it. But would he hold it the entire night? Was that what Nick wanted?

He admitted it felt good to be so welcome.

After holding Nick's hand for a while, the rockstar opened his eyes again. “You don't have to sit on the floor, you know? There's plenty of room in here.” He patted the empty spot on the mattress next to him. Morrie's face heated up and he gulped. “You...you want me in your bed?” “It's softer than the floor, you know?” “I...I don't know if that's a good idea”, Morrie stuttered. He was glad about the darkness now. “You guys never come to bed if I ask you. What do I pay you for?”, Nick said weakly tutting. He couldn't hide how tired he was. “I...I didn't exactly say 'no'”, Morrie answered, his brain malfunctioning. Nick turned his head to look at him. His expression wasn't mocking, but full of curiosity. The sort that made it hard to refuse.

“But you could ask me nicer...”, Morrie went on, staring somewhere into a corner. “Oh, right...”, Nick answered. “Buy you flowers, serve you dinner, ask you out a few times...” “U-huh”, Morrie said, clutching the hand. Nick shook his head. “Where does Virgil get all these old-fashioned musicians?” “I have a classical education.” “I was afraid you'd say that”, Nick sighed. “A lonely night, then.”

Morrie was still unsure whether this was a joke or not. Remembering who would actually be here instead of him caused a lump to form in his throat. “Would Virgil do this for you?”, he tried to ask in a casual tone. “Ah, Virgil”, Nick dismissed the idea. “He's more old-fashioned than you. Wouldn't even come to bed if we were married.” He chuckled. “Okay...So you asked him?” Nick grinned. “Maybe. Why so nosey?” “Er...for no real reason...Forget it.” The silence came back, only filled with Morrie's inward screams.

Later, Nick was the one who spoke again. “Is Virgil...very angry at me?” “He...uhm...” Morrie wiped his chin. “He looked not amused. But he didn't mention you.” “Oh...” Another sigh. Morrie had an idea. “Will he...hurt you for this?” “Nah, he's a good man,” Nick quickly responded. “But normally he'd come to see me.” “He's not coming because I'm here”, Morrie explained. “So he sent you?” Nick turned his head to look at him. “No, I asked him if I can visit you.” “So, he did send you! And I thought you came here of your own free will!” “I did! But I had to ask him where you are because I didn't know that! I never know where you are by the way! And I had no idea what's going on! I still don't!”, Morrie blurted out now, suddenly blowing off steam. Nick fell silent except for a “fine” he muttered out between his teeth. He kept Morrie confused. He still held his hand.

“I had a nightmare”, Nick repeated himself after a while. “So, you've been asleep the whole time? And why can't you feel your legs?” A pause ensued. “You have so much to learn”, Nick then said. Morrie waited, but Nick didn't say more. “Is it about Terris?”, he asked since it would be the only way this made sense. “Did you dream about him?” Nick stirred, stretched out a leg what made Morrie lift an eyebrow. “Him, too”, the rockstar whispered. “If you...” “Again”, Nick interrupted him. “We'll do this!” He squeezed Morrie's hand. “I'll do this! We'll blow them away!” “But if...” “No 'buts'! We...I don't need Terris! I don't need anyone! I'm ready!” “Okay.” “Okay? This is all I get? Okay?” Nick looked him into the eyes. Morrie returned the gaze. “You get roaring applause if you really do this.” Nick deflated. “Right. Can't argue with that...”

“Morrie...”, Nick went on, slowly letting go of his hand. “I think I'm fine now...I can feel my legs again...If you have something else to do, I'd release you now...” Morrie missed the hand already. After looking around in the room he found he couldn't leave it like that, so he grabbed a chair and put it back up. Nick reached out for him again. “No, no, leave that where it is. It's okay.” Morrie eyed his idol. He still had so many questions but he realized he couldn't bother Nick more. Whatever happened between him and the former band member still tortured him to his day.

But his tender voice warmed his heart. How could anybody leave this man?

“So..okay, uhm...you need anything else?” Nick sat up, resting his chin on his knees in the same manner he had done it at their night in the studio. “I can't ask more from you...” When Morrie intended to protest, he went on: “I failed the gig. You should be angry at me, punch me and throw things, and...I'm just so glad you're here.” The look he gave him was so careful it broke Morrie's heart. The Golden God shouldn't be so hurt. “Now who's gentle?”, he tried a joke. “Gentle as your wife?” “I'm not married.” Nick fell back into his pillow. “You're doing it right.” “Good night, Nick”, Morrie said with a smile. He had to escape. Again. “Good night.”