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I simply do not seek medical services unless I feel I have no other choice because I have multiple phobias and trauma and I have never met a medical professional willing to work with me on my issues. I am an adult and I'm just overreacting and if I really needed help I'd just get over it.
Also on topic of Consent: whenever somebody says "Kids should have bodily autonomy!" some guy always is like "You are too unrealistic. What will you do when a kid is seeing the doctor and doesn't want to get a shot? Would you just let them refuse the shot?"
Yeah I probably would. You're straight up asking the wrong person if you want the nice normal answer here. Doctors and nurses forcibly doing (relatively routine) things to my body against my protests when I was a small kid fucked me up so bad that as an adult anything medical related is a huge trigger for me, I've had persistent intrusive thoughts and recurring nightmares about medical procedures, and I can't have even the most basic tests and health checks done on top of it.
I hate talking about it because I can't get comfortable calling it "trauma" and I don't have any other words that are useful, but it's made my life so much harder and really scary since if I start having a weird symptom, there's nothing I can move myself to do about it.
I figured out a loophole where going to a pharmacy instead of a doctor's office for vaccines reduces some of the stress, but I was still in stress and misery for days before I went to get my tetanus shot. The repulsion is so intense it feels like I literally don't have control over myself, it feels like I can't make appointments or plans about such things out of my own free will, and so every year I have guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt about how I should get the flu shot, and it does nothing but ineffectually hurt me.
Vaccines save lives and all that, but when it comes right down to it, I don't think it's actually a net benefit to public health to give any percentage of kids lifelong psychological scars so deep and painful they're almost completely barred from accessing health care as adults.
I know I'm not the only one, far from it.
#last time I went to the ER the paramedic was very judgemental because I kept saying ow whenever he poked me#because it hurt#i did not stop him#i wasn't moving in any way#i wasn't asking him to stop#it just hurt#and he was like “how can that hurt. im literally just poking you. what are you going to do once i insert the iv?”#im going to continue sitting here saying ow sir#also very confusing because doctors get annoyed with me usually because I don't tell them when things they do to me hurt#like okay#am i supposed to tell you when you're hurting me#or not
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Recovered photo of Joey Drew. Taken December 31, 1944, during a New Year's Eve party at the Arch residence, photographed by George Parker. Photo depicts Mr. Drew shaking hands with an unknown man in a hat. Attempts to identify the man and his whereabouts have been unsuccessful. -The ArchGate Preservation Society.
-Record-
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Alternatively: 'Unknown' - Return to the Studio AU.
Even though he was the one who personally invited every guest at the party, when Joey later asked him who the "strange man" was, Nathan had no idea who he was referring to, even with Drew's specifics.
After several years have passed, looking back at the photo, Nathan still has no idea who this man is or how he got into the party.
Joey described the encounter as something that "started out pleasantly, and ended on a very uncomfortable note."
#bendy and the ink machine#batim#bendy and the dark revival#batdr#the ink demonth#joey drew#bendy oc#batim oc#return to the studio au#bendy au#crookedsmileart#also ALSO alternatively: ''I put Joey in yet another uncomfortable situation because I like putting him in misery#cuz that's what he deserves <3'';#fellas; I'm not gonna lie; I'm feeling the drive to do Ink Demonth prompts dying#I think I'll do two more prompts; and after that? time to throw in the towel#I'll be able to reach/surpass the number of prompts I did last year; which was 10. which I'm fine with to be honest.#I also want to move on to drawing other things so I think this is the best decision#it was fun; and as always; it was obvious that I wasn't going to finish the event#but I did what I could and wanted to do#any other ideas I had for the event maybe I'll do another day when I feel like it#but besides the two I'm still going to do? that's it.#let's end the event in a good way (and better than last year)#and yes; one of those two prompts will be putting Joey in a bad situation. again lol.#look the ideas I have are the only ones I can do in the timeframe I've put myself in#one of them coincidentally involves putting Joey in a bad situation again; can you really blame me for that GBAWOERBGUWP
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trying to draw fanart for the first time in 89235 years like "what do these people I stare at all day every day look like again"
#seriously whennn did their faces start doing all those things.#all jokes aside I really want to get back into drawing and this is a good way to do it but it's been so fucking long#like I've dabbled with pencil here and there over the last few years but nowhere near like I used to#and I literally haven't touched my digital pad in. forever? to the point that it was visibly dusty when I pulled it out of the drawer#and even when I did do any of it it wasn't a very dedicated effort#so even holding a stylus/pencil now feels so awkward. how do I move my hand!!! how do normal human bodies sit and move and behave again!!!#help#seriously if anyone has any resources for people starting out/getting back into drawing esp digital#i'd be eternally grateful#max.txt
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Between Sonic and Tails, who do you think would end up confessing their feelings first?
Good question. Definitely depends upon the iteration and context, but for the most part (at least in my head) getting either of them to confess (and in some cases even ruminate on their feelings and admit to themselves the nature of them) is hard
Like, for example, I personally think that game!Sonic (and post sgw Archie Sonic and IDW Sonic) kind of take Tails' presence for granted in a way. To them, it will always be the two of them (Sonic and Tails). The ideal future is that they keep on hanging out and still fight side by side sometimes and that even if Sonic goes it alone he can always come back from his adventures to chill with Tails or crash at his place. In other words, in Sonic's fantasies of the future, things like getting married or raising families or anything like that are just kind of tacked on as something that will just kind of be true at best and ignored at worst. If he even considers a future where things are a bit different because Tails is together™ with someone, to him it's only natural that Tails would be in his life the same way and nothing would really change. And so to that end, even if Sonic DOES realize his own feelings, he probably wouldn't see any good reason to confess. It would make things more complicated, especially if Tails doesn't share those feelings, and he doesn't have to worry anyways because Tails will always prioritize the two of them and be at his side, right?
And then it's even worse for versions of Sonic more akin to, say, pre sgw Archie Sonic. This is because in addition to the already existing unwillingness to change things and the assumption that he doesn't ever have to worry about no longer being the center of Tails' world (or a major figure in it at least), there is some palpable internalized homophobia within that hedgehog with an added complexity. For Archie Sonic in particular, I think even if he realized that he wanted to even be with Tails forever in a strictly non brothers fashion, he would feel mixed feelings about that (perhaps that coming out about it would ruin things or make things weird, or that getting together with Tails at any point would deprive him of "normalcy", or that he'd pressured Tails into it, or even just weird or a bit creepy).
As for Tails, I actually think that most iterations of him have figured their feelings out by this point. In all honesty, there's only so long you can go on fixating on someone and admiring them, and structuring your life around them before you realize your "I want to be with them" isn't just about simply admiring them. It's just that Tails' main obstacle to me is the avoidance of ruining anything.
On one hand, there's Sonic's avoidance to being tied down. We've seen time and time again Sonic rejecting people who pursue him openly or looking uncomfortable with them. Archie Sonic in particular made it clear that this version of Sonic couldn't stand the idea of not being able to freely be himself or adventure. He couldn't stand the idea of having to tie himself down and taking on extra responsibilities and expectations simply because he's with someone. I can see Tails being afraid that by confessing, he could scare Sonic away. If he happened to confess and Sonic thought Tails meant to stifle him or Sonic felt uncomfortable by that open expression, wouldn't that risk their relationship? Even if Sonic wouldn't go so far as to drop him as a best friend (which he never would do that for the record), there's still real fear in making things weird or different between himself and Sonic.
And that feeds right into the other hand. On the other hand, Sonic probably doesn't see him that way, right? Though Sonic is special to him and Sonic also cares for him back, at best Sonic has never thought about it and never will, or he just wouldn't feel the same (in Tails' eyes). With Archie Tails in particular, even if Tails gets over his own interlized homophobia about it and recognizes his feelings for what they are, he probably feels that there's no way to be anything different than a brother to Sonic, and thus confessing would be a terrible move. If Tails confesses and Sonic doesn't feel the same, it also runs the risk of making things weird between them or (in Tails' eyes) ruining it.
All this to say that my general opinion is that as long as things stay exactly the way they are forever, even if they start spending even more time together, I find it hard to believe either of the two will opt into confessing on purpose
But, with that being said, a confession is not an impossibility. I don't think either of the two are immune to being put in a position where they finally confess (and no, with the state of things for them, simply saying "I love you" will not count as a confession). And if we barred situations where like. They're literally about to die or one can do anything they like without the other (or themselves) remembering the outcome, I actually can give you an answer
And honestly, if one of them had to confess eventually, I believe it would probably end up being Sonic.
Why? Well, out of the two, Tails actually sits back and thinks about his emotions more often than not. I think even before he figured out the exact nature of his feelings he knew he felt very strongly for Sonic. But, no matter which media you're touching upon, I feel as if Tails fits into that archetype of "person who has been in love with their best friend since literally forever, but knows their best friend will never feel the same". The longer Tails ruminates on these feelings, the stronger he feels them, the more he watches Sonic (especially as someone who cares about plenty of people other than him), the more time he spends with Sonic, the less incentivized he feels to actually confess. Especially if Sonic would never feel the same, the best Tails can hope for is that things stay the same between them and Sonic never replaces his role.
Or in short, Tails is so in his head about it at this point, it's very hard to convince him that confessing is ever a good idea or necessary.
But while Tails is more obviously attached to Sonic, Sonic is much less obviously attached to Tails and other people as a whole. With him being "free as the wind" and the kind of figure he is, he kind of benefits from having the persona of a guy who doesn't need his friends but (nevertheless) can be assisted by them. He probably seems cool for being so strong and independent while equally caring that people live. But this doesn't mean Sonic doesn't have attachments (far from it). Rather, for Sonic, his attachments to others seem to naturally grow. And the more time he spends with them, the more he grows used to their presence. And especially with someone like Tails, who has been around as his companion the longest, he doesn't sit around long enough to consider that Tails would ever leave his side. Once he grows used to that person, he doesn't have to recognize his attachment or even think about the nature of his own feelings because it is and always has been whatever it is. So, in other words, even if he becomes more and more reliant on the fact that Tails will always be around or that Tails will always assist him, he doesn't have to admit more than "This is what our best friendship is. This is what it's like"
All of this is to say that while my idea of present Tails would be trying to do anything in his power to stay with Sonic (as long as Sonic is willing of course), even if that means never confessing the exact nature of his feelings for the hedgehog, Sonic isn't already thinking about these things. This means that while Tails has very few pathways to confession, Sonic has plenty!...if you scare him well enough.
For example, Idw Sonic has been more clearly spending more time with Tails (even baseline just. Crashing at his place more often) after the metal virus arc. Couple this with post neo metal incident 2 electric boogaloo idw Sonic who just wants to have a break and live peacefully for a minute, this is a Sonic who has become scared enough to want to indulge in spending more time with Tails. I also think that post Sonic Prime Sonic is also a version of him who would start to spend more time with Tails than before after having already lost him and having to deal with the Tails shaped hole in his life once.
So, if you got a Sonic to the point where he'd fully accepted his feelings and he felt like confessing them would be necessary to secure the future he wants, then he'd confess. Honestly, the easiest way I'd see this going about would be a story where Tails is framed as leaving him to go do something or be somewhere else, away for Sonic, possibly indefinitely, or if Sonic actually has to spend enough time without Tails after initially telling himself his own feelings wouldn't matter so long as Tails is happy wherever he is. But, if it came down to confessing being something that might actually bring Sonic to his desired future (especially if Tails rejecting him is no different from prolonging the separation they already have if he says nothing), then I think he could work up the courage to do it.
And in the end...I think it has to be Sonic. Although I on occasion enjoy fantasizing about moments where Tails can't take it anymore and confesses, only for Sonic to realize his own feelings in the process, I think that Sonic would have to be the one who confesses his feelings/wishes for the future for Tails to even believe that his pipe dreams are a possibility. I think it's Sonic who would need to pull Tails out of his head, because the probability that Tails works up the courage to confess is more unlikely.
So...yeah. In my head, Sonic is driven to a point where he confesses and pulls Tails out of his head about it.
#sonic the hedgehog#tails the fox#miles tails prower#sontails#unbreakable bond#i just be ramblin#flashoneonetwo interview#long post#In all honesty#I think what's most likely for them (best case at least) is a kind of future where they're more domestic partners who also go on adventures#than anything#Or basically...things are kind of as they are now they've just been growing closer still?#And without intervention or conflict in the form of moving on or adding other people to the mix that may replace the other's standing in#their lives any way‚ I can honestly see them never truly confessing or recognizing their relationship for what it is#But then again perhaps if the stars aligned and they borderline had a married with kids relationship and Sonic started joking about them#being together only to realize the truth™ then maybe a confession is in order?#Yeah.#On the bright side‚ even if they never confess‚ at least the two of them could be happy and also be happy and content being as they are as#best friends as long as they're by each other's sides and have each other's back forever#And with this as a possibility‚ even I would not be sad if there wasn't an outright confession#After all...who needs words when you're living your truest life without them?#Anywho#Thank you so much for the ask!#I must admit that I initially was gonna talk about different iterations of them and how a confession may go‚ but in the end I ended up#explaining my sort of collective sontails thoughts/the general interpretations I have of them#While it is my interpretation/opinion at the end of the day though it does touch my heart that you'd want to know😂😊#If you do end up having any other questions pertaining to these two and my opinions/readings or anything else‚ do always feel free to shoot#me another ask!!😊
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Dream if you don't give me the weed paint in TWO SECONDs i'm gonna BEAT Y
- ALT - DREAM: Look, I understand you wanted it DREAM: But you really shouldn't take stuff that isn't good for you BILL: NUH UH!!! DREAM: (i'm going to fucking kill this bitch one day)
- IDK - Moving my rambles in tags, also depending on if I finish another ask today I might double post!! AWESOME!!! (the next post I wanna do might be a bit difficult cuz I wanna make it a gif BAJFBH)
MAIN: @inkyu
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#Silly Ask#I'm almost finished with another ask and then I'll move onto another ask that made me go “holy shit I need to do that STAT!!”#Not really proud of how I drew front facing this time but WHATEVER!!!!#I struggled too hard on Dream's hands to the point where I said “fuck it we ball” and just decided to not re-drew anything and keep it as i#you're welcome... *sobs*#OMG Bill sans jumpscare!!! also AHHH sorry any recent asks I got#Also I like the idea of Dream absolutely HATING Bill#I think it's funny BAJHFBD (and also sense in ATDV Dream is a bit less positive (NM is passive but yeahh))#BY THE WAY#In case I ever stop doing daily posting just know that this blog wasn't intended for daily posting!#I just draw what I have time for (and I have a LOT of time)#But sooner or later I'm gonna have less time </3#I'm working on them RN!!! I just finished this one earlier#ask the druggieverse#atdv#dream#dream sans#bill#bill sans#undertale#undertale au#utmv#utau
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we truly do need to talk more about how fucking insane achi is like okay yes karan is karan but achi literally moved in with the first person he ever dated after TWO (2) dates and was like wow 10/10 best life decision I ever made I'm so glad I did that I love my boyfriend
not to mention that he bought a ring and then presumably carried it around with him???? just waiting so that he could propose after karan did like. he literally bought a ring. after dating him for like a couple of months ????? maybe ????? absolutely fucking unhinged they're perfect for each other. who does this.
#I do genuinely love that there really isn't any drama at any point about this rlshp moving at lightning speed#or karan being too much and too intense and him needing to chill out in order for their relationship to work#a lesser show would've made that a source of drama but NOT CHERRY MAGIC TH#like is achi shy sometimes? not sure how to respond? sure#but he clearly loves how insanely obsessed karan is with him#look how overjoyed he was when he found out karan was stalking him a;skldjf;lasdf and how sad he was when he thought he wasn't#it's not an issue or something he just puts up with to make karan happy he clearly basks in how much karan loves him#and the insane way he shows it#thank you karan for being my smile and energy etc etc#like yes it is nuts to ask someone to move in with you after two dates but IT IS ALSO NUTS TO SAY YES AND BE LIKE WOW BEST DECISION EVER#WHEN PONDERING IT LATER#who is doing it like them!!!!!#karanachi#cherry magic th
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no one would notice if i ever vanished // if bodies could sustain // this never-ending army // like blood pumping through a vein
(click for better resolution!)
:OOO hello. anyway since these are all posters i'd have in an ideal world or smth and i'd like to store the high res versions somewhere,,, here's the google drive folder for them? hehe ''
close up!
#adamandi#vincent aurelius lin#i'm back with the posters! or smth! idk!!#i'm maybe just a bit obsessed with vincent. such a Character.#where can i run is sustaining me single-handedly through this exam season (<- has cried thrice in the last two days; alas; but moving on)#my stress response was that in a fit of apathy i shut myself down from academia and stopped to paint this#six hours total? on this funky little thing! had to push myself to finish the magnifying glass but!! looks so cool. i'm impressed with my e#fun fact: all the shades are hand-coloured. aka everything is digitally hand painted hooray!! i havent painted for a long time (ish)#smth about this musical makes me want to paint. it's very lovely that way#it's also a miracle i haven't gotten carpal tunnel or any wrist injuries so far... i'm a lucky person! hooray#i had so many thoughts to ramble about and now i don't recall any of them.#-! about this piece: inspired specifically by that one line that i doodled in the margins of a math practice last night#the diagonal slant was very. thinky. the rendering and angle were kinda contradictory to do but it's fineeee (draft was diff. pov)#i liked the red abstraction. and the way that people (misc) gave same vibes as red blood cells.#green for vincent because contrasting colour!! considered a spotlight that was more obv bc. again theatre lighting is so cool. but that was#a bit too literal? i think. so just fun little highlights. no one look at the accuracy of anything here though.. shadows do Not do this#also like hehehe lin. forest. forest of people. i really liked thinking about that. hehehe#i didn't know the font to use!! or quote!! so i slapped on the name of the musical and called it a day... the blank one is in the google-#-folder if you want to add your own stuff :') also also i wasn't sure about cropping at all. so again high res in google drive link#which is under the keep-reading sign! kind of a choose your own adventure because i'm lazy :3#ajhshdhfhfhfhf i think i've been fuelled by the tags under each post so far. so intensely. so very nice.#also when the cast or creators drop fun facts... serotonin right there.. they're all so nice waaagh it's so cool that they like my stuff ><#<laughs> really grateful that the whole fandom's so sweet <3 thank you for your support TvT#alright!! off to mess about with chemistry. jiayou me.#oh yes. a post script about the cropping crisis: i wasn't sure how small i wanted to make him. in proportion to the crowd. so if you see it#on mobile ig it's tiny and on laptop it kind of makes sense ...
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and they were singin', bye-bye Miss American Pie // american oldie i think kuwabara unironically listens to
(low effort lyric edit im queueing here in May cos im probably gonna forget it exists otherwise)
#qeued post#for June cos hey pride#the idea of kuwa seeing his friends in a holy almost godly light namely yusuke#and having them all leave unexpectedly#cos before that night at Genkai's i feel like it was solidified in kuwa's brain DESPITE the sidekick complex#DESPITE the fact that he's human and the least powerful member they are still decidedly a team#A team he has a place on. But then all suddenly springing this... YUSUKE springing this departure on him. shatters that belief#yusuke says he'll be back and it seems to make things better but even so kuwabara's face still looks so solemn when he leaves#Likely cos he knows yusuke is just saying shit and doesn't even know if it's possible to come back#this wasn't supposed to be a kuwameshi post it's really not but there's always that undertone when i talk about them so#He just admires them all so much yusuke above all others only to be left behind and that's gotta fuckin hurt#The way we don't see the resolution to this feeling. The lack of belonging the abandonment#next time we see him he's just supposed to be over it but we don't really know if it actually happened#So I like to play with the idea of like . Did he really like healthily accept things or#did he just repress it and deal. Cos like eng dub he tells yusuke ''forget all that stuff I said'' immediately taking back#his harsh words bc it's either stay mad stay upset or quickly forgive and move on cos this could be the last time. or even the jdub#where he doesn't even allow the vulnerability to show enough to trail off he just spouts the normal shit bc it's what they DO he immediatel#tries to get back to the normal dynamic and push himself to being fine with it right now bc he doesn't have the luxury of being upset#when it doesn't matter cos yusuke's leaving. the last thing he hears from him shouldnt be reckless shit he was saying when he lashed out#aka i dont think kuwa's feelings get seriously addressed enough and this episode haunts me cos of that very fact#Im not making any sense. Nico as my witness I swear I was more eloquent yapping to him about it#kuwabara kazuma#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi
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ohhhh my god just remembered i'm 20. was reading the website from the last post and it was talking about informed consent hrt and it was like u need to be at least 18 to do this and in my head i thought haha that's fine i'm 18 and then i realized i'm not eighteen it's been two YEARS since i was eighteenTWO YEARS and the time is just going to keep passing. girl from i saw the tv glow voice Time wasn't right. It was moving too fast. And I was 19. And then I was 20. Like chapters skipped over on a dvd.
#i wasn't like feeling any way about it i felt a little weird earlier this year abt being not a teen anymore but very soon was like that's#stupid but just realizing how im moving away from 18 how it feels like one blink away how im like being pulled away from it and no matter#how hard i try i can never reach it again and i'll just keep getting older until i dont anymore and it's my life it's mine. and there's no#magic switch that's going to flip where it feels like mine where it feels like i can make the big decisions im too tired and unaffected to#whadda hell -_-#alex talks
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Thinking thoughts about Abuela being back and with this backstory about her being taken in by charlatans and Eddies whole catholic guilt thing and how the two things kind of play into one another as an exploration of faith and being taken in by something.
Abuela giving all her money to the tarot card readers etc because she was searching for something - for connection (with Abuelo) - trying to recapture what she had lost, and How Eddie has spoken about trying to re-find the magic he had with Shannon - how Eddie hasn't actually fully reconciled the Shannon of it all when it comes to relationships and how his Catholic guilt connects into that.
How Marisol as a physical representation of Catholicism is part of that narrative - how Eddie is entering a place where he has to chose his path - in order to move on from Shannon he needs to fully square the hole - catholic or non catholic. And how that needs to happen first - before he can begin his queer journey!
#this is so incoherant#I'm also thinking about how Marisol fits into this narrative and how this idea of being taken in or fooled by a person plays into what we#know of her - how she wasn't upfront with Eddie (not saying she had to be right from the off but before moving in!!!) - how she is kind of#representative of secrets - especially around faith and ones connection with faith because she is essentially a stand in for catholicism#which (sorry to all the catholics out there) peddles in magic and secrets in order to keep the mystery of faith alive and therefore keep#people believing. How Eddie's reckoning with himself and the ghost of Shannon ultimately means choosing either to follow the path of#catholicism or non catholicism#How Marisol is a tie to religion and therefore his reasons for not having successful relationships after her (or even with her) and how#Eddie letting go will ultimately mean letting go of Marisol - how he can never fully move forward while catholicism still lingers#how I don't' think we'll be seeing the queer aspect of this narrative this season - that dealing with this first part is key and only once#he has figured it out can he then be free to know himself - is true self better - and accept and move into his full self as a queer man#so yeah - catholic guilt arc 7b and 8a - as its really a two parter - finally dealing with the remnants of Shannon - and its connection wit#his faith and then when truly free of that exploring his queerness!#So yeah - Marisol will possibly be here until towards the end of the season because she is meant to be the trigger point for Eddie in#relation to Shannon - its why they made the difference (and similarities) between S and M very obvious in 7x01#they have the time to build this story arc more fully now with the s8 renewal - to do it justice and unfortunately as part of that it means#she'll probably be around longer than any of us would like!#I don't know if I even make sense at this point#but I do want to reitterate that the show is goig out of its way to contrast her with Buck as well#to really show how close and right for each other Buck and Eddie are so no one needs to panic - she's here for the narrative not forever!#911 abc#911 spoilers#eddie diaz
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i feel like there's no way to say it without sounding Insane and attention-seeking but i Do wish that there was language that existed for talking about being traumatized by delusions/hallucinations without sounding like you're just saying "i made up something in my head and got hurt feelings about it"....
#N posts stuff#the popular post-psychosis narrative always seems to be 'okay you don't Believe it anymore so it's all done and you're#not affected by it in any way (unless you Stop Taking Your Meds and have another episode)' like it's Contained within itself#there's not really room for the 'well. it still Happened so it can still Affect you even if you recognize it wasn't ''Real'''#like there's no good way to speak about it w other people because it feels like a tightrope line difference between#'well it Wasn't traumatizing bc it wasn't Real so it didn't Really Happen' dismissal#or attempts to validate that just risk triggering another episode bc there's a veritable Minefield in 'it was real to you / it Was Real'#but it's HARD bc like. i can See it. i can Observe in myself that the like.#the home life situation i was in when i was younger Was traumatizing; and some of the delusions i've had have been#Equally traumatizing... i can See that. but if you try to Talk about it it's like 'okay. but it didn't Really Happen and you Know that#so Move ON stop trying to make yourself seem special' hhhhhhhhh#HOW do you square the knowledge that you were being abused with the knowledge that your abuser does not exist and never has?#WHERE do you put those conflicting realities? how do you get to make it make sense?#you should move on because it didn't happen. but it Did happen so you can't move on. WHERE do the pieces fit together?????
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the one thing i really miss is how there was a fan run dsmp wiki where they live updated during lore everything that was happening and interwove all the povs. That shit was the only reason I could understand what had happened
#i distinctly remember despairing when i found out the ls wiki was just who was in the server and like actually nothing else#i really feel you new members joining ls s6#the threshold for understanding lifesteal is not only way higher bc s5 but s4 alone was like three times longer than all of dsmp#it is absolutely worth it though#also omg i just realized i went “binging dsmp isnt even that hard” as if it wasn't like 100 hours.#and like binging a season of tv is sooooo light work. like 9 hours? bro that's not even a long zam vod#my perception of content consumption is so skewed omg#but if you never watch everything it really isnt the end of the world you just maybe dont get the full story behind some inside jokes#but you'll be able to gather the gist just by watching the current stuff#but also the number of lore heavy vods in any season i'd say is like 50 hours max. like there's a lot of setup and small convos that matter#but in terms of conversations that moved the lore forward it's not that many
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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People really need to give Steel Wool a break sometimes, man- They messed up with Security Breach and now people act like EVERYTHING wrong with modern fnaf is all exclusively their fault when it's really not.
#Chip Chatter#especially when the issue literally WASN'T ATTACHED TO THEM AT ALL!!!#People really just say shit I stg#there's probably one person who'll think this is about one particular post#this post is a culmination of things#the twitter bs going on right now about modern lore and some people pinning all the blame on steel wool even though they don't write the#lore. A conversation I had yesterday with some people where one person kept blaming and shitting on SWS for the smallest of things#The fact that any time I try to talk about a small issue with modern fnaf in any fucking way I'll have people tell me shit like#“it's steel wool what were you expecting” regardless of if the problem was even their fault#and just generally people giving Steel Wool so much shit and most of the time it being over fucking nothing#Like I GET that Steel Wool fumbled with Security Breach oh my fucking god that was almost 2 years ago can we MOVE ON!!!!#They're improving!!! They fumbled one game and a lot of the factors involved weren't their fault anyways!!! Can we give them a fucking#break and just move on with the rest of the series already!!! I'm so sick of hearing people complain about SB when it's been almost 2 years#and Steel Wool is showing nothing but signs of improvement#Cough uhm anyways#of course you can criticize Steel Wool and I'm not saying they've never done anything wrong ever#just don't needlessly shit on them especially if the problem was out of their hands.#Rant over I'm going to bed
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the whole tiktok ban situation is super crunchy and I'm conflicted. Because on the one hand...it does feel startlingly close to a kind of censorship and I think the whole 'chinese government links' thing is pure scaremongering. But on the other hand I genuinely think that tiktok has accelerated the rate of enshittification of so, so many things. Like it has been a net harm in basically everything. Even the publishing industry is suffering now. As someone who wants to get novels published, the entire state of the publishing industry catering to tiktok and the quality of even bookbinding rapidly deteriorating in the past couple of years, I've been reconsidering and thinking about simply setting up a website/archive to self publish my work.
So...I don't know. It's not as if other social media sites (X, Facebook, etc.) haven't done harm, and it's not like huge media giants like Google haven't caused possibly irreparable damage to how things work now, but...I just distinctly remember a pre-tiktok, pre-covid world and things legitimately weren't as bad online then as they are now. Tiktok actually feels uniquely bad. The change happened so rapidly, too. At what point do we decide that a product causes enough visible harm that it needs to be removed? Because that's what tiktok is, at the end of the day. It's a product. We don't have the same clear measurement as we do with, say, lead paint on children's toys, but idk idk idk...
#i don't know what I'm trying to say here.#i'm yelling into the void#i know a lot of people are concerned about what this will do to grassroots political movements but...#forums still exist#and so do your local communities#i don't know that tiktok 'grassroots organization' does anything meaningful#the way that going to protests and organizing locally does#and we've actually seen in real time how easy it is for people to get radicalized via the way the tiktok algorithm feeds you information#it genuinely moves too fast for us to even process what's being thrown at us#idk I've never used it because i've never wanted to#but all the effects i see have been pure and complete harm to the way people act and think#but idk if that's just a boomer instinct or like...the fact that the only social media i ever use is tumblr lol#it's not like tumblr is any better re insular radicalized communities#but tiktok is like video twitter - the format just isn't long enough to have any meaningful interaction#at least on longerform sites you have space to write things out and think#you know?#current events#it's just so weird to me to see people panicking and acting like there wasn't a world before tiktok#like people weren't organizing and sharing their thoughts and starting small businesses#we can do that withOUT an app that is uniquely good at radicalizing people and accelerating late stage capitalistic consumption no?
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My coworker (football bear) was in my department all day and he kept picking up his shirt hem to wipe his sweaty face and his entire fuzzy tummy was out every single time 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 life is full of wonders
#he did it once while talking to me and I almost swallowed my own tongue#q if you're out there i PROMISE that looking away from your tumy wasn't revulsion. i was trying to not pass out and also to remember words.#also tho q if you're out there i don't date coworkers and I don't wish to make you uncomfortable at all#i do think you're very handsome though. if nobody has told you so recently then I'll say it. you're gorgeous. it isn't fair for me to lead#you on in any way#so i won't#hope this doesnt make u uncomfortable buddy you're a good coworker and you communicate what you're doing and you look for whatever needs#help and then you do it. i will be normal about you at work.#anyway phew let's all move past this#except the fact that tummies are cute#tummy hair is a gift from God#and I want this to be a widely held societal belief. too many people are sad about their tummies and it must end.
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