#i was watching the sunrise one from 2016 this morning

[slashingdisneypasta]

Me when watching an old Robert Englund interview and he says 'I have a couple of projects I'm working on at the moment- but I can't talk about it' and I'm trynna figure out what it was he was working then from how he looks and the date of the interview XD

[eirianerisdar]

Hiiiii I’ve only just seen it but if youre still doing the directors commentary thing I was gonna ask about Icarus? :) and the ⭐️ for whatever part you choose

(and just wanted to say your writing is so beautiful, I’m loving reading it so much thank you for sharing <3)

Oh ye I'm going to go on an absolute rant about Brocedes

An excerpt from chapter 30 of Icarus, when Lewis has just strained his newly regrown wings on a highly unadvised first flight after having grown out his primaries again for the first time in sixteen years, and runs into Nico by chance on an old clifftop haunt of theirs above Monaco. It's purely mutual pining in that uniquely Brocedes way

For the uninitiated, Icarus is an F1 wingfic that covers most of the grid, with the theme of wing trimming as a representation of unhealthy practices in motorsport forced upon drivers.

=====

A shape appears out of the rising sun, brown-white sparrowhawk feathers silhouetted against the dawn.

Unlike Lewis’s haphazard landing a minute earlier, Nico’s is elegant and precise; he comes out of his dive twisting in a perfect diagonal to the clifftop, one wingtip brushing the ground and the other pointed towards the sun, and lands on silent feet. He is wearing a tailored flight-suit that fits him as well as his race suit used to; the small backpack slotted between his wings has a molded plastic shell for better aerodynamics.

Nico folds his wings, and stares.

“Lewis?” he says, shocked. “What are you doing here?”

Lewis is suddenly all-too aware of the dirt ground into his skin, smeared over his t-shirt and ratty running sweats. His wings are caked with sand and grime from his less-than perfect landings; his palms are smarting with a dozen shallow cuts from hauling himself back up onto the clifftop.

He finds his voice. “What are you doing here?”

It comes out more accusing than Lewis intended. Nico’s face closes; his sparrowhawk wings flatten against his back.

“I come here often,” he says. “I fly up here every morning.”

Lewis doesn’t miss the implication that he is the intruder here, not Nico.

Lewis doesn’t know why that hurts so much. Maybe because he shouldn’t feel so out of place here, in this little sanctuary tucked against the Monaco cliffs where he and Nico had watched the sun rise and set so many times.

Nico ventures closer. His eyes are on Lewis’s wings. “You really did it,” he says oddly. “You grew out your wings.”

Lewis sets his jaw, raises his chin. “Yeah,” he says challengingly. “What about it?”

Nico flinches and looks away. His chest rises and falls faster than usual.

It would seem that even after all this time, Lewis still knows how to get a rise out of Nico. Lewis should feel vindicated, but he doesn’t. Something about the way Nico is holding his wings makes Lewis feel sick.

Nico crosses over to a flat-topped rock a careful distance away and sits. The two of them face the sunrise like they have done so many times years ago. The wind that ruffles both their feathers brings with it the scent of the sea.

Lewis closes his eyes. The sun sears his skin, turns the backs of his eyelids orange-yellow. There is so much he wants to say, but he doesn’t know where to begin. He could start at Abu Dhabi, at that awful Sky interview. He could go back to 2021, when he had finally admitted to himself and to the press that he could have been a better teammate to Nico.

He could go back to Barcelona 2016; the ache in his shabby wings in the garage, and the brief moment of blessed, cool relief when Nico had brushed a hand through Lewis’s wing.

It was the last time either of them had touched each other’s wings. Their crash and DNF at Barcelona had snapped the last threads that held them together as flock.

Lewis waits for Nico to say something, but Nico stays silent. It stings.

Lewis sneaks a glance at his former flock, finds Nico already looking at him – not at his dirt-smeared face or messy braids, but at his wing plumes, pooled carelessly in the dust at the base of the rock he is seated on.

In the dawn light, Nico’s clean, well-brushed feathers are painted in peach and ochre. Lewis bristles, waits for Nico to make an unsavoury comment.

But Nico just clasps his hands together in his lap, tight enough that the knuckles go pale. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.

“Your wing plumes are longer than I remember,” he says hoarsely.

Oh. Lewis looks down at them, at his draped double-cloak of gold, white, and maroon.

“Yeah,” he says. A gust of wind blows dirt over the end of one of his plumes; he nudges it carelessly with the toe of his trainer, but only succeeds in matting the feather ends with even more dirt.

Nico makes an abortive motion towards Lewis.

Lewis looks at him sharply, watches Nico fold his hands into fists on his knees. Nico’s face is pinched.

Lewis breathes through the bitterness. He knows he is intruding on Nico’s space by being here. It’s just that a part of him thought that he would still have a place here, where they had shared so many happy memories.

He can’t even leave; his wings still hurt too much to chance anything other than a glide.

Nico’s feathers rustle as he stands. “I’m going to head back,” he says quietly. “You coming?”

Lewis shakes his head. “Nah,” he says. “I’m going to sit a while longer.”

The flight muscles of his right wing ache dully; he shakes it out carefully, fighting a wince.

Nico is suddenly standing within arm’s reach, blocking out the sun. “Your wing,” he says, frowning. “You’ve got flyer’s cramp.”

“It’ll pass,” Lewis snaps, folding his wing back against his spine even though that makes it hurt worse. “I’ve got it handled.”

“You shouldn’t fly back alone,” Nico says seriously. “Come on, let’s go. I’ll even let you get there first.”

Lewis tenses at the implication. He hates competition not treating him seriously – Nico most of all.

“I’m fine,” he says testily. “It’s just the thermals. I rode them up, I’ll find a way between them to glide back down again. I’ll manage.”

“The thermals?” Nico frowns over his shoulder at the dizzying drop down towards the sea. “Where did you fly here from?”

Lewis works his jaw. “The beach,” he says.

Nico turns on him instantly. “The beach?” he exclaims. “Are you fucking – you can’t have unsheathed your feathers more than a few days ago!”

Lewis doesn’t reply, but Nico reads him anyway.

“Oh my God,” Nico stares. “It hasn’t even been a few days, has it? This is your first fucking flight.”

Lewis jerks his chin. “What about it?”

Nico puts his face in his hands. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Are you insane? Who flies up a cliff for their first flight in sixteen years? Do you want to die?”

Lewis hates to admit it, but laying it out like that puts it into perspective. He isn’t usually one to take such risks. He let his hunger for freedom override his common sense.

“That’s it,” Nico says. He jerks his head towards the cliff edge. “I’m making sure you get back without killing yourself. Let’s go.”

Lewis looks at the edge of the cliff. The wind has picked up even more now that the sun has fully risen; bits of rock and dirt swirl in the wind to tumble off the lip.

He doesn’t want to name the feeling that roots him in place.

Lewis Hamilton has never been one to admit fear.

Nico strides over to the cliff edge, draws a sharp line in the dirt with the toe of his flight boot. “Come on,” he snaps. “I’m not leaving unless you’re with me.”

Something about that phrase twists Lewis’s stomach, uncovers a bitter wound.

Because Nico had left. He’d left Lewis to race on alone.

“What is it?” Nico says. “Is your wing still cramping?”

Lewis shifts his wings. “No.”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

Lewis opens his mouth, closes it again. Looks away.

If there’s anything he hates most in the world, it’s looking weak in front of Nico Rosberg.

“I don’t think I can make it,” he admits.

Nico stills. “What?”

Lewis breathes a bitter laugh. “I know what it sounds like,” he says, looking down at his dirt-splattered wing plumes. “But I’m gonna be honest with you, man. I don’t think I can make it.”

Nico doesn’t respond. He looks like a statue stood on the cliff edge, his golden hair a halo around his head, his wings of carven marble.

Lewis runs his scraped palms together. “I don’t know the thermals,” he says, swallowing the shame. “They’re so different from what I remember. I keep getting pushed higher. My flight muscles aren’t strong enough to fight my way out if I get caught in one.” He gestures at himself, at the dirt ground into his wings, his clothes. “I barely made it out of the clouds and back here.”

Silence, save for the cry of gulls in the harbour below and the whistling wind.

Flight boots stomp against dirt and rock as Nico stalks over, grabs Lewis by the collar, and shakes him, hard.

Lewis’s hands come up automatically, but Nico has already let go. Lewis watches as Nico turns in a flare of sparrowhawk feathers to pace the dirt of the clifftop.

Nico snaps to a halt, glares down at Lewis. “I can’t fucking believe what I’m hearing,” he hisses. “You’re not some damsel in distress. You’re Lewis fucking Hamilton.”

Lewis stares up at Nico’s furious face. This isn’t what he expected at all.

“Lewis Hamilton doesn’t back down from a fight,” Nico snarls. “What the fuck happened to you? You always said you could do anything as long as you pushed hard enough. So get up. Push.”

Lewis bristles. “Easy for you to say,” he spits. “You’ve had six years to learn the air patterns and train up your wings. Don’t pretend we’re on equal footing.”

Nico’s face whitens. For a moment Lewis thinks Nico will punch him; but Nico only exhales and looks over his shoulder at the cliff edge.

“It’s not as complicated than it looks,” he says abruptly. “It’s just that new building down where the road splits, and that paved road cutting through the trees there. It breaks up the current that used to flow down from–”

“Thanks, Nico,” Lewis says sarcastically. “I’m sure that’ll be really helpful when I’m trying to navigate something I can’t see.”

“Just–” Nico closes his eyes briefly. His voice softens. “Just stay on my wing,” he says quietly. “I’ll guide you down.”

Lewis looks at the cliff edge. He swallows.

Nico’s eyes are a clear, intense blue. “I won’t leave you,” he says. “I promise.”

Like that fucking meant anything the last time you said it, Lewis thinks. Some of his thoughts must show on his face, because Nico’s eyes shutter.

Lewis grits his teeth. He feels like an arse.

He feels the wind run through his still-aching wings. “What if I fall?”

Nico’s face hardens. He looks for a moment like he did when he met Lewis’s eyes across the garage as they got into their cars in Abu Dhabi 2016. It is a look that says try me, and I will prove you wrong.

“Then I’ll fucking catch you,” he spits.

The promise settles in Lewis’s bones.

Nico’s anger and determination is something Lewis knows too well. This, he can trust.

Nico’s straightens. The sun suffuses his hair, outlines his wings with gold. He holds out a hand to Lewis.

“Come on,” he says. “We’ve got this. Clear air all the way down.”

Lewis looks at Nico’s hand before him – the familiar grooves of his palm, the finger-webs turned pink in the sun. The hand that Lewis had once thought nothing of holding in his own.

He reaches up, and takes it.

======

Director's Cut:

I had this scene planned very early; I held on to it for a solid four months before the plot progressed to the point that this happened. The thing I most wanted to get across in this scene, the first proper scene where Lewis and Nico are properly speaking face-to-face instead of just pining, is just how much they both care about each other even if it all comes out toxic.

The way I planned this conversation is that every single thing that comes out of Nico and Lewis's mouths is misinterpreted as hostile. Even body language is misinterpreted.

A few examples:

1. When Nico says, “I come here often. I fly up here every morning," he means I often return here, to this place of good memories with you, because I miss you.

Lewis takes this to mean that Nico thinks that Lewis is in his space, and that Lewis doesn't have a right to this shared space they used to have as teenagers.

2. Nico ventures closer. His eyes are on Lewis’s wings. “You really did it,” he says oddly. “You grew out your wings.”

Lewis sets his jaw, raises his chin. “Yeah,” he says challengingly. “What about it?”

Nico flinches and looks away. His chest rises and falls faster than usual.

It would seem that even after all this time, Lewis still knows how to get a rise out of Nico. Lewis should feel vindicated, but he doesn’t. Something about the way Nico is holding his wings makes Lewis feel sick.

Nico's trying to find some common ground here. He never thought Lewis would give up speed to regrow his wings. Nico had been harbouring hope that maybe they'd be able to heal if both of them weren't dead-focused on racing anymore; but Lewis is so used to Nico using everything as an insult he takes it badly.

But he still cares about Nico enough that he can tell when he's gone too far. Nico at this point in the story has gone through a full wing crisis because of Lewis, and Lewis isn't aware of it.

3. But Nico just clasps his hands together in his lap, tight enough that the knuckles go pale. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.

“Your wing plumes are longer than I remember,” he says hoarsely.

Oh. Lewis looks down at them, at his draped double-cloak of gold, white, and maroon.

“Yeah,” he says. A gust of wind blows dirt over the end of one of his plumes; he nudges it carelessly with the toe of his trainer, but only succeeds in matting the feather ends with even more dirt.

Nico makes an abortive motion towards Lewis.Lewis looks at him sharply, watches Nico fold his hands into fists on his knees. Nico’s face is pinched.

Lewis isn't used to having full-grown bird-of-paradise plumes. He nudges them with his foot because to him they're just his feathers; he'll go and clean them later. for Nico, he's positively screaming to preen Lewis's wings. He's sitting there going insane with yearning while Lewis mats his feathers in dirt.

4. Nico turns on him instantly. “The beach?” he exclaims. “Are you fucking – you can’t have unsheathed your feathers more than a few days ago!”

When Nico finds out Lewis has got flyer's cramp and that Lewis isn't sure if he can make it back home without falling, he defaults to anger. He's actually furious because he's terrified that Lewis could have fallen to his death, but Nico, like Lewis, defaults to anger to mask his fear. Lewis does the same.

5. Flight boots stomp against dirt and rock as Nico stalks over, grabs Lewis by the collar, and shakes him, hard.

Lewis’s hands come up automatically, but Nico has already let go. Lewis watches as Nico turns in a flare of sparrowhawk feathers to pace the dirt of the clifftop.

Nico snaps to a halt, glares down at Lewis. “I can’t fucking believe what I’m hearing,” he hisses. “You’re not some damsel in distress. You’re Lewis fucking Hamilton.”

Lewis stares up at Nico’s furious face. This isn’t what he expected at all.

“Lewis Hamilton doesn’t back down from a fight,” Nico snarls. “What the fuck happened to you? You always said you could do anything as long as you pushed hard enough. So get up. Push.”

This is something integral to Nico Rosberg: he has absolute faith that Lewis Hamilton will back down for nothing. That no matter what the world throws at him, Lewis Hamilton will push. All Nico's anxiety about Lewis still hating him or overstepping and snapping this fragile connection that's forming evaporates because this is Lewis fucking Hamilton who Nico knows through and through and Nico will die before he lets Lewis be anyone other than himself.

6. He feels the wind run through his still-aching wings. “What if I fall?”

Nico’s face hardens. He looks for a moment like he did when he met Lewis’s eyes across the garage as they got into their cars in Abu Dhabi 2016. It is a look that says try me, and I will prove you wrong.

“Then I’ll fucking catch you,” he spits.

The promise settles in Lewis’s bones.

Nico’s anger and determination is something Lewis knows too well. This, he can trust.

This is Nico saying I'm with you until the end of the line. It's a declaration of if you fall I will fall with you. Lewis doesn't fully get the emotion behind it yet - there's still too much ingrained hurt there - but he can see Nico's anger and determination. The same anger and determination that allowed Nico to beat him in 2016. This, he can trust.

7. Nico straightens. The sun suffuses his hair, outlines his wings with gold. He holds out a hand to Lewis.

“Come on,” he says. “We’ve got this. Clear air all the way down.”

Lewis looks at Nico’s hand before him – the familiar grooves of his palm, the finger-webs turned pink in the sun. The hand that Lewis had once thought nothing of holding in his own.

He reaches up, and takes it.

I swear I had this section planned out almost word-for-word for four months. The image of Nico with his blond hair and sparrowhawk wings offering a hand to Lewis, offering to parlay, offering to help. It's the first time neither of them have been fully alone. It's the first moment that shows there might be a possibility of healing.

Clear air. Flying in formation, like they used to drive in formation on victory laps. Nico is Lewis's guide back to flight and freedom. They'll push each other higher, like they did when they raced each other.

Lewis lets go of his hurt and bitterness for the first time this whole conversation. He lets himself trust again. He reaches up and takes Nico's hand.

I wanted above all to show how toxic and hurt their dynamic was, but how enmeshed it was - how if both of them decided to take a little step forwards, healing was possible.

It's just the first little step towards the healing we've been seeing in the rest of the fic.

You can read more Icarus here.

Send me an ask with a scene or set of lines from any of my fics and I'll give you a director's commentary! Or, send in a ⭐star⭐ to have me select a section I've been dying to talk about!

[seoul-bros]

Jikook Week 24 Complete ✔️(21 - 28/05/2024)

Their twenty fourth week in the military is now complete and time to celebrate this milestone with a look back at this week in 2016.

This was The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Young Forever era with BTS promoting Epilogue: Young Forever, Fire and Save Me from when the album was released on the 2nd May 2024.

In mid-May, BTS began filming Bon Voyage 1 with a trip to Scandinavia to celebrate their three year anniversary. The adventure began on the 15th when they were told their destination and that the staff would not be on hand to help them to organise tickets and food. They would also be assigned a budget which they could not exceed for each country. They asked for a student backpacking like trip and that is what they got.

First was Norway followed by Sweden (19/05) and then Finland. They did a live from their first stop in Bergen, Norway on the 17/05/2016. It was the day after their arrival and Jungkook's coming of age celebration. This was the party where it was suggested they play rock paper scissors to see which one of them would give him a congratulatory kiss and only Jimin was up for it.

On the 19/05 they took a train trip and Jimin posted these photos on TwiX. Tired Kookie asleep on the train, que guapo!

Next they flew to Sweden and Jimin posted these photos looking handsome on the streets of Stockholm. They also did a group live.

On the 22/05 they were in Finland after cruising from Stockholm to Helsinki.

Unfortunately, RM losing his passport meant that he was unable to remain in Finland and had to take the first plane back to South Korea. It was not the way anyone wanted to finish the trip.

J-Hope and Jimin did a seven minute live in which they asked for suggestions on what to eat that night. Someone suggested lamb skewers and Jimin immediately thought Jungkook would love that.

They spent the afternoon in a sauna and playing games that ended in the loser having to jump into the cold water of the lake. Jimin ended up in the lake twice once accompanied by V and once by Suga.

Luckily there was a hot tub where they could all recover afterwards.

The next day it was JK and Yoongi's turn and lamb skewers were mentioned again, this time as a possible souvenir from their trip.

JK also talked about his early morning camera shoot and this is the amazing picture he took of the sunrise over the lake.

They arrived back in South Korea on 25/05/2016 and wow Jimin looked so cool walking through the airport.

I had so much fun watching the Bon Voyage 1 episodes and would recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen them yet. There were so many famous jikook moments that suddenly all slotted into place on the timeline.

Also these guys are the most forgetful group I've ever seen.

Jimin leaves his case on the airport bus and has to retrieve it

Hobi loses the ticket to the cable car which was luckily picked up a tourist and returned to him.

RM leaves his bag behind (but the staff actually retrieve it and give it back to him)

RM loses his passport and the replacement travel papers will only allow him to fly back to South Korea and not continue the vacation in Finland. He was so disappointed and the last leg of the trip wasn't the same without him.

V gets lost in the middle of nowhere after getting on the wrong bus from Stockholm airport and then getting off the bus at a random stop.

Post Date: 28/05/2024

[m1kemedeiros]

FIJI ~ THE RETURN

(Yasawa islands & the Coral Coast)

🎶 “One the road again” since the dreaded global pandemic. I left Canada at the end of 2016, now it’s 2023 and may the travels continue. Currently living in Brisbane Australia with my partner in crime. Zach and I travelled 5 hours to Fiji, only to be met by the warm weather and musical greetings.

Nadi: Hustling to find a taxi we made it to smugglers accomodation. Just as I remembered 6 years ago, smugglers is somewhere to crash for a night and nothing much has changed. The following morning we hopped on a bus and headed through Nadi to Port Denarau where we met our boat, the south sea island cruiser. Aboard the vessel we road the roof top, 4.5 hours all the way up the Yasawa islands to the famous Blue Lagoon Resort.

Blue Lagoon: White sandy beaches fringed in coconut palms, cobalt blue and turquoise coloured ocean. Blue lagoon is home to an endless natural beauty and the loveliest of islanders. Located near the end of the Yasawa chain of islands. Fun Fact: Blue Lagoon is known and named after the 1980s film, “Blue lagoon” (starring Brooke Sheilds). We spent our time here free diving the “Sawai-Lo” caves on the neighbouring island. Snorkelling with turtles, sea life and a vast display of ancient colourful corals. After a scenic hike accompanied by the village dog we named, “Nipples” our evenings were plentiful. Kava rituals, an endless buffet, traditional song and dance that even we were sure to partake in. Blue lagoon was one to remember.

Manta Ray: Onto the next one! After the Lagoon we ventured down to Manta Ray Island, an island I had once visited 6 years prior. Friendly and laid-back, this island will forever leave its mark in my mind. Scenic views of neighbouring islands and known for its flocks of majestic manta rays that soar through the current like birds in the air. Often the locals will sound a conch-shell and as if it were a Black Friday sale, everyone then races like a group of warriors to the boats. Prepared to battle the current in hopes of seeing these majestic Mantas. We swam like hell in attempt to see them but ended up being the 2 of few who were unsuccessful. We enjoyed a lovely meal with an evening in our seaside villa just steps from the ocean, the waves lulling us to sleep. The following morning we watched the sunrise and enjoyed a beach stroll, playing with hermit crabs along the shoreline. We were met with slight disappointment as the island pump had broken, running us out of clean water. Unfortunate and uncommon but not the end of the world, we had to quickly re-arranged accomodation to another island further south.

Naqalia: Travelling from Manta Ray we headed down the Yasawa to a small island called, Naqalia. With the change in accomodation we managed to find a small home stay with a local family on the island. Unique and rustic, the family ran a lodge that was completely hand made and everyone played a part in accomodating us. With little cost Zach and I had a roof over our heads and met handful of fellow travellers, open to experiencing Fiji locals like few tourists ever get the privilege of having. The family cooked a meal that I strongly attest was the best food we had the entire trip. However Zach wasn’t feeling great so the following day he stayed back while I did something I’ve never done before. The teenage boys from the Fijian family of Naqalia had driven an older couple and myself kilometres from land to a large reef in the open ocean. After getting past some large waves we jumped in the centre of the reef where we snorkelled above large trumpet fish and schools of white tip reef sharks. The young boys who brought us even hand fed the sharks right in front of us which seemed dangerous yet thrilling.

Barefoot Kuata: After a short stay at Naqalia lodge we were brought over by a small boat to Barefoot Kuata. Over the shallow beach and endless colourful reef, tucked away in the towering palm trees is a hidden gem. Barefoot Kuata resort is a luxurious stay where Zach and I had an amazing boho-beach inspired accomodation with an outdoor shower and bathtub. After exploring the cave and sunset lookouts with endless views. We kicked back with great Buffett dinner and night snorkel. The following morning we both went diving for the first time in 3.5 years. Unlike any other dive this particular one was with 3 meter long bull sharks. Known for being an aggressive breed of shark species, we still did it. Watching 10+ of these fascinating animals swarm in a feeding frenzy as one of the locals fed them at a depth of 22 meters. Barefoot was a memorable stay and a place I’d love to visit again.

South Sea Island: Six years ago I had a very memorable, laid back stay on south sea island. Taking only minutes to walk the perimeter of this island, and accomodating no more than a handful of people. I had connected with a group of travellers I still occasionally keep in touch with. However it seemed this island had a subtle facelift and is now a popular destination for other travellers looking to spend the day from neighbouring islands. Still very enjoyable, we slept in a small cabin steps from the sea. Watching the sunset change, as it went from a small amber glow to filling the sky with touches of magenta and cotton candy pink. After saying goodbye to the Yasawa islands and the few fellow people we met along the way we carried on to the mainland.

The Road Trip: Embracing spontaneity, we met a local worker on south sea island who agreed to driving us 2.5 hours for $200. Even though it was very much out of his way, it was the best way to educate ourselves. Before starting the road trip into the night, we first stopped by his village where we had the privilege of meeting some of his family and local animals. Zach, the driver and I spent this time indulging and comparing cultures and ethnicities before picking up a fourth. We pulled into a village to pick up the drivers cousin and the 4 of us carried along driving. Like the beginning of a bad joke, an Australian, Canadian and two Fijian men drove across mainland Fiji comparing stories and sharing riddles.

Pacific Harbour: After the long and winding roads, we said goodbye to our fellow Fijians. Ending up at our final destination…The Pearl Resort. Located in Pacific Harbour, The Pearl is a beautifully landscaped resort with all the comforts of home. This did not end the adventurers in us! We managed to squeeze 2 more dives in with a local company. These exploration dives were stunning! An array of sea life, lion fish, sharks, trumpet fish, nudibranch and soft corals. My particular favourite part was the ship wreck at a depth of 23 meters with large over hanging fan corals cascading off the sides of this rusty, old vessel.

After our final experience scuba diving we headed back to The Pearl. This location is a great way to stop and rest before heading back to the hardships of reality. Here we lived the highlife, indulging in food, spa treatments and poolside cocktails. Amazingly, to my surprise I even bumped into one of my south sea “fellow travellers” from 6 years ago. However this time she came with family too, not the lonely traveller who I once met a long time ago. So happy for her! (Laura)

First time overseas since the global pandemic, first time travelling with Zach, second time in Fiji and it’s just as wondrous as I recall. Home to 333 islands, 120 of those islands inhabiting the loveliest of local people. With its main source of economy being tourism you can understand why Fiji is an oasis for those wanting an escape. A tropical paradise scattered amongst the Pacific Ocean, Fiji will always hold special unforgettable memories.

Bula and Vinaka Levu

“Life and Thank you very much”

Until next time,

Michael Medeiros

June, 10, 2023.

[mattjournal]

Entry 2

As mentioned in my last post, I felt stuck and already committed to something. Besides, I was already financially struggling and stuck in low wage jobs.

In April 2016 the family and I went to Florida for a winter holiday. I was in the middle of my crisis- staying or leaving. I remember I had a hard time sleeping and would often go grab a coffee at 5am and sit in the pier and watch the sunrise.

In February 2016 my wife and I had a massive blow up. I spent the past year and a half working on starting my business of a small brewery. I bought some real basic equipment, tried making beer myself, created a business plan to secure some financing. I saw creating a brewery as two birds with one stone. It would give my life meaning, and secondly, if I was to work hard, at least the risk and profits would be mine and no one elses, and finally, would be able to hopefully help the community but also myself during this craft beer boom. Even if it struggled, I believed it would stay afloat. In February 2016, my wife said she didn’t support my decision, never read my business plan (even though I gave her two copies and asked her several times to read it), and wouldn’t help me use one of her family’s vacant storefronts in town to run the brewery. This is something I talked about doing for almost two years. She knew I picked up shifts at other breweries just to be trained on their processes so I could open my own. I was devastated. I remember I literally felt so betrayed. I had a full on- toddler level melt down in the basement. Throwing stuff. Smashing stuff. Swearing. It was immature but very cathartic. After struggling for years, feeling neglected, and now betrayed and unsupported - I felt I should leave but I had nowhere to go and nothing to really support me.

Those morning sunrises on the pier didn’t bring about any great enlightenment. In fact, it left me feeling a sense of - this is it. A feeling like I should make do with this and just adapt to this severe change in the road. You can settle with a sense of comfort or settle because it is like you are sinking into glue like substance. I felt it was both. I felt screwed but at least someone is there for me.

At some point in 2016 shortly after my trip, my son was conceived. We weren’t trying, but things happen and at least my daughter would have a brother. My son was born a week after a started my new job with social services with Nicole.

During this period of great uncertainty, I developed severe health anxiety. Which makes sense. Stress, anxiety, and now fixated on death. I was under a lot stress.

Financially, I was poor. I was lucky to make $2500 a month. And had to work 2 jobs to make that money. My wife had a decent job but it was in no way able to cover the household expenses. We had a young daughter. Day care bills, house bills. It wasn’t good. My anxiety showed up and I started having panic attacks.

I had stomach issues, both with my bowels, and indigestion. The pain my stomach caused often gave feelings of chest pain. My repeated injuries at work on my left shoulder, from lifting boxes of wine or repeatedly lifting cases of beer caused pain in my left shoulder. I was constantly concerned that I was dying or in such bad health I would die.

I started taking antidepressants. I started doing CBT. I read the stoic. I was particularly interested in the teachings of Marcus Aurelius. His practice of imagining one’s own death so to become accustomed to the worst thing that can happen and by default anticipate the worst and be pleasantly surprised with a more positive outcome. I would find fascinating images on tumblr of soldiers moments before death. I brought death close to me to no longer fear it. But I still feared death. In fact, I fear it more now than ever.

So when I met Nicole, I was about to have another kid, stuck in a relationship that I was not happy to be in but felt a sense to stay out both obligation and fear of starting out on my own. I was disappointed, but always found a reason to stay (my daughter, scared to start over at 35 as a loser with no money, scared about my anxiety, or my partner wasn’t so bad - I just have unrealistic expectations), who had anxiety and health anxiety, and was lucky to make $33k a year.

I sometimes feel like Nicole was brought into my life. She moved from her hometown 4 hours away to shitty rural underpopulated area and met me. She had many similar interests as me, politics, fashion, music and I feel like those sorts of people are few and far between. She was ambitious and smart and pretty. I feel like something pushed her into my life. And before I met her, I was a afraid of dying, and here I had to watch her decline and die. Like it had all come full circle. If she was put into my life for a purpose, but I wish she didn’t die.

why did I cheat?

[supernovafics]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇

pairing: dylan o’brien x best friend fem!reader

summary: in which dylan has been your best friend for as long as you could remember. your busy lives and schedules may have pushed both of your lives in vastly different directions as you’d gotten older, but somehow you two would always be led back to your hometown, and each other, during the holidays. however, one moment causes all of that to change. 

warnings: angst (what else is new), some fluffiness, mentions of past trauma (the maze runner incident), existential crises, explicit language

word count: 3.6k words

author’s note: idk why i decided to write something christmas related in the summer but it happened lmao (also i feel like it’s slightly important to mention that this takes place in 2016)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The rocks being thrown at your window were not what woke you up. Instead, you had been lying awake for hours; getting little to no sleep was something that you had become used to at this point.

However, on this specific night— or morning, depending on how one looked at it— you were glad that your sleep had been restless once again because it made it easy for you to get out of bed and walk to your window when the rocks began hitting it.

There was really no need for you to push open the curtains and check who was doing the throwing because, of course, it was Dylan. Ever since he moved onto your street in Hermosa Beach in middle school and the two of you easily became friends, he was the only person that would ever wake you up in the middle of the night with the soft pings of rocks, especially on this specific day at this specific time.

You waved at him and gestured that you would be down in a moment. You slipped on a random pair of sweatpants along with a hoodie and then placed the Christmas gift that you bought for him in the pocket. The item was small enough to fit in the not too big pocket of your hoodie; however, it did awkwardly protrude a bit.

All of this was a sort of unspoken tradition that the pair of you had developed over the many years you’d known each other. Meeting at five in the morning on Christmas day, walking to the beach that was only a few blocks away from your respective childhood homes, and exchanging Christmas gifts with each other as you both watched the sunrise. It started when you were in ninth grade, and you hadn't missed a year since, not even when the ending of high school pushed your lives in vastly different directions, especially since Dylan graduated a year before you and was almost immediately thrust into his acting career.

But, it didn't matter that Dylan's career took off, and you eventually decided to go to college in Santa Barbara, because, no matter what, you both would always come back for the holidays.

When you opened your front door and saw Dylan lingering by the sidewalk no more than ten feet away, you were quick to go toward him and pull him in for a tight embrace. It actually hadn't been too long since you’d last seen him, maybe only five or six months, but for some reason, it still felt as if the last time he was in front of you was last December.

"Hey," Dylan breathed out in a short greeting, his arms wounding around your waist.

“Hey to you too," You responded, a small smile gracing your features when you both pulled away, and you looked up at him. "How have you been?"

It was quiet for a few moments as you waited for him to answer the question, but eventually, you were met with no verbal response, and instead, Dylan simply shrugged. The short action made your heart constrict in the most painful way, and it was then that you noticed the light remnants of a scar peeking out from behind his dark hair that covered the majority of his forehead. You were quick to peel your eyes away from the scar and instead cast them down at your Converse-covered feet, but that didn't stop the memories from quickly coming back.

The Maze Runner accident had happened back in March, but to you, and you knew to Dylan as well, it felt as if it was just yesterday, especially considering the fact that he was still dealing with the unavoidable repercussions from it.

"Wanna walk?" You asked, finally looking up at him once again.

Dylan nodded. "Yeah."

A silence that could only be deemed as comfortable lingered between them as the two of you took the five-minute walk to the beach and sat down side by side on one of the random empty benches.

"Merry Christmas, Y/N," Dylan said as he handed a present over to you. The present was messily wrapped, something that was not at all uncommon when receiving gifts from Dylan, and the sight of it made you smile.

Before you unwrapped the gift, you pulled out the one you had for him and handed it over. "Merry Christmas, Dyl."

The nostalgic sound of wrapping paper ripping could be heard as you tore into your gift. A simultaneous shocked and happy yelp emitted from your lips when you held up a Harry Potter t-shirt. But, it wasn't just any Harry Potter t-shirt; it was one with a version of the Goblet of Fire movie poster on it, which was your all-time favorite movie in the series.

"Holy shit."

"It's the original merch that was sold when the movie came out," Dylan told you. He hadn't opened his gift yet, and instead, he was playing with the green bow placed on top of it; he always liked to see your reaction first.

You looked at Dylan and then back down at the shirt as you processed his words. "Wow, double holy shit. I would put it on if it wasn't freezing right now."

Dylan laughed a bit. "Very understandable."

“Why haven't you opened yours yet? I'm dying to see what you think of it," You said. You were now holding the t-shirt to your chest, genuinely feeling like a little kid on Christmas morning again.

Dylan finally began unwrapping your gift to him, and when all of the paper was peeled off, there was a square box. "Aw, a plain white box. Thank you so much. This is what I've always wanted."

You rolled your eyes and playfully bumped him with your shoulder. "Ha ha. Please save all of these bad jokes for your stand-up act; I can't wait to boo you off the stage along with everyone else."

"So, what I'm hearing is you don't think that becoming a comedian is going to be the next best career move for me?" Dylan asked. He attempted to make the question sound as serious as possible, but there was a joking undertone to his words.

You bit back your laughter. "Please just open the box already so I don't have to hurt your feelings by truthfully answering that question."

"Okay, we'll circle back to that topic later," Dylan smiled and then finally opened the white box to reveal a slightly faded baseball. When he picked it up, he ran his thumb over the black signature written on it. "Now it's my turn to say holy shit."

You could feel yourself smiling at his awestruck reaction, and you wondered if that was what you looked like when you saw the Harry Potter shirt. The baseball was signed by one of the players of the New York Mets that had been Dylan's favorite player when he was younger, and he'd even caught a ball hit by him when he went to a game before he moved to California.

"I've had this idea for years, but I could never find a baseball signed by him," You began explaining, the excitement clear in your voice. "But, last month, someone named Paul Todd posted this on eBay and I immediately bought it. God bless that old man. It's completely authentic and everything."

Dylan was quiet for a few moments as he simply looked at the baseball in his hands, a small joyful smile on his face, and it made you happy to see him so genuinely elated with the present.

"This just made my gift look like shit," He finally said, a light laugh falling from his lips.

"I have always been the superior gift giver. I think that's my hidden talent," You responded with a playful smirk.

Dylan placed the baseball back in its box and then looked at you. "Next year you will receive the best gift ever from me. It will completely top everything that you have ever given me."

"You're saying that as if I should feel upset about receiving a trip to Italy as a Christmas gift."

"A trip to Italy?"

"In my strong opinion, that would be the best gift ever," You said with a smile and then looked down at the t-shirt, which was now in your lap. "But, anyway, I don't think this gift is shit. I'm in love with this shirt already."

Dylan let out a joking, overexaggerated sigh in relief. "Phew, okay, since you think this gift is great, that means I don't have to do the trip to Italy next year."

"What? Did I say I like this t-shirt? I hate it! Harry Potter actually su— Fuck, I can't say this with a straight face," You laughed, and Dylan was quick to join in with you.

The joking statements leading up to the laughter hadn't even been the funniest things ever, but it didn't matter because this was probably the hardest you had laughed in a while, and you were both glad and unsurprised that it was with one of your favorite people in the entire world.

You missed joking around and laughing with him. You missed simply being with him.

Eventually, the laughter died off, but there was still a smile planted firmly on your face. You looked ahead at the darkness in front of you and the ocean that looked completely black; it was still kind of early, so the sun hadn't begun to rise just yet. Your back pressed against the wooden bench, and you let out a small sigh, your head finding Dylan's shoulder as you leaned against him.

"How have you been?" You asked him, your words coming out both soft and slightly quiet, and before the mood became too serious with your question that was nothing but serious, you attempted to lighten it. "And please no shrugs as a response this time. I don't wanna get a headache due to my head bouncing off your shoulder."

Dylan let out a breath of a laugh at your final statements but refrained from answering the question for a few moments.  

After what felt like forever, he sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "I honestly don't know. My mind has felt so fucked lately, thinking about everything. I swear I've been feeling every feeling known to man these past months."

"What are you feeling right now? In this moment?"

"I'm really happy with you. This is probably the only normal and familiar thing I've experienced in a while. But, of course, there's still that confused feeling in the back of my mind revolving around everything else." He paused for a brief moment before continuing, his next words came out quieter. "I don't even know if I want to go back to acting."

You lifted your head off his shoulder and looked at him as you pulled his hand into yours and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze.

"No matter what you decide. I'll be right there to support you," You told him and then added a "bro" at the end of her sentence along with a small smile. Whenever things became too deep in a conversation you two were having, one of you would always throw a "bro" or "dude" in there to bring some playfulness to the mood.

The corners of Dylan's perked up a bit. "So, you'll support me when I decide to become a comedian?"

You were unable to stifle your light laughter. "Yes, fine, fuck it. I'll be the loudest one laughing at all of your shows."

Dylan squeezed your hand back because he knew exactly how reluctantly true your words were. "Don't worry, I promise not to put you through that."

"Thank you."

"So, how have you been?"

"No."

"Oh, come on," Dylan said as he playfully poked your side. "I'm not gonna be the only one exposing my feelings."

You sighed and then hesitantly nodded. "Okay, okay."

The truth was you had been far from good lately. Your life was moving, but for some reason, you felt like you weren’t moving with it.

You felt stuck.

Stuck in a confusing mindset where you had absolutely no idea what you wanted to do with your life. You thought that identity crises usually happened in high school, but apparently, yours had come five years late. But, you knew that this delayed identity crisis had been your own doing because you had convinced herself that you would figure everything out once you were in college; and you were both lucky and smart enough to receive a full ride to UCSB.

And although you were finishing up your Master's degree in Creative Writing and had a TA job at the university with the department, which was the reason behind why you could even pay for the Master's program, something in your "should be great" life simply did not feel right.

However, you felt absolutely terrified to say any of that out loud because admitting it would only finally make that statement a wholehearted truth, instead of just a spiraling thought in your mind. And even though Dylan was your best friend and you knew you could tell him anything and not receive any sort of judgment, it still felt hard to let the words leave your lips.

You thought about the way to perfectly word everything, but nothing felt right. You pulled your hand away from Dylan's and covered your face as you let out an exasperated breath. "I can't figure how to say it all."

Dylan placed an arm around you and then mimicked the same question you had asked him not too long ago. "What are you feeling right now? In this moment?"

You would have both laughed and smiled at the fact that he was using your exact words if the current circumstances were different.

"Scared," You finally said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know what the fuck I wanna do anymore, and actually, I don't think I really ever did. I only went to college because of the scholarship, and I convinced myself that I would figure my life out when I got there. And for a while, things felt right because I found creative writing and genuinely enjoyed it, but something doesn't feel right anymore. And I actually do like school. Because it's stable, and I am doing things, even if it's taking a dumbass test. But, it's about to be over soon, and I have no idea what I'm gonna do."

Your words were coming out like vomit, and nothing could stop it because finally, everything you had been feeling for so long was out of your head and put into the open.

"And don't get me wrong, I do love to write, but I don't know, I just can't see myself doing it for the rest of my life," You admitted and then let your next words come out quietly. "Honestly, I can't see myself doing anything. I'm so unhappy here."

You did not say it aloud, but you didn't think you were ever fully content there. Aside from Dylan and your parents, you never truly liked California. You had grown up there all your life, and although there were millions of people that adored the state, you felt the exact way someone from a state like Wyoming probably felt.

Dylan did not verbally respond to your long confession at first; instead, he simply pulled your confused and stressed self in for a hug, and you let out the simultaneous sigh and breath that you had been metaphorically holding in for years at this point.

"Maybe you should take a break," Dylan finally said; his arms were still around you, an action that made you feel completely comforted. "Right after high school, you went straight to college, and I don't think you've ever really taken a break to really think about what you actually want. Like, maybe, it's becoming a zookeeper."

Your laugh was slightly muffled by the fact that your face was pressed into the warmth of Dylan's chest. "Zookeeper?"

"I don't know," He laughed too. "You said you would support me in whatever the fuck I decide to do, and I'll do the exact same for you."

Somehow a smile found its way on your face. "A zookeeper and a comedian. What a fucking dream team."

Another laugh fell from Dylan's lips. "The best fucking dream team."

"But, honestly, I wish I could've known sooner that this is how you've been feeling. I would've been telling you to slow down so long ago, but you seemed content with everything," Dylan told you and gave you another light squeeze. "Please take a break and don't stress yourself out over the future when your next semester is over. Just relax for the first time. You can even come stay with me in LA for a little bit if that's where you wanna take your break. I'll be here for you, Y/N. Always."

Something about his words hit you hard. The wholehearted honesty and sincerity behind his statement shouldn't have surprised you, but it did. And the worry he had for you resembled the same concern you had for him when the accident happened. You two were best friends, so it should not have been a shock that you would worry about each other, but still, in that moment and for you, it was shocking because it felt like so much more than just that.

"Me too," You whispered, finally responding to his previous statement.

The long embrace came to an end with you being the one to pull away; however, you did not pull away far enough for you both to become completely detached from one another. Dylan's arms were still around your waist, and yours were still around the nape of his neck, and your faces were dangerously close. Your hand somehow took on a mind of its own as it reached around and cupped Dylan's cheek. The miniscule confusion and tickle of panic that began to prick at the back of your mind because of the action were not enough to make you pull away.

The slight way that Dylan leaned into your soft touch was the catalyst for you to take the leap and lean in the tiniest bit to close the small distance between the two of you, your lips almost too easily finding his. The inward sigh of contentment you emitted when Dylan almost immediately kissed you back made you realize that kissing him was the one thing currently happening in your life that actually felt right.

Later, when thinking back to that specific moment, you would wonder if that "rightness" had always been there between you both.

However, that right feeling, which was both comfortable and familiar, was quickly replaced with dread and angst, at least on your part. Your mind was beginning to fully catch up with your actions, and it immediately told you that the current action was both bad and stupid, and there were many, many reasons that proved that.

Maybe there were moments where a younger, and even present-day, you did want more to happen between you and Dylan, but you would always push that thought away because you knew that your and Dylan's friendship was so much more valuable.

And then it was the fact that your lives were nothing alike. Even though you were immensely confused about where your life was going, you could say for certain that it wasn't going in the same direction as Dylan's; an acting career that he genuinely loved and enjoyed too much to truly give up. Something deep down told you that, and you could feel the truthfulness behind the thought. The holidays were the only time your lives would truly intersect.

You abruptly pulled away, not just from the kiss but from Dylan's body entirely, moving to the edge of the bench you were on. Your hands covered your face in nothing but pure embarrassment and regret, and you wished that you could take back the last minute and a half of your life. And you also absolutely hated that you couldn't help but notice how much colder your body felt now that it was away from Dylan's.

"Oh my God. I'm sorry. Fuck. That kiss— it was a mistake. I'm really sorry." Your words came out rushed and fumbled, and it probably did not make much sense, but you just hoped that there was at least a little bit of coherency with them.

As much as you wanted to look at Dylan, you refused to do so because you knew that you would only see the regret you were feeling written clear across his face.

"Hey, it's okay, Y/N. Everything's fine. Don't worry," You heard him say but could hear the uncertainty in his voice as if he really didn't know if everything truly was fine. And you knew that it wasn’t. It really wasn’t.

The holidays were the only time your lives would truly intersect, and you had just completely ruined that.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

let me know your thoughts <3

((((already potentially thinking about doing a part 2 to this….. but idk…))))

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in May

Sadly, I kind of skipped writing a post for April. It was a mad month with so much going on: lots of emails sent and lots of stress. I started a new job so I’m getting to grips with that... and even then, I still watched a bunch of movies. But this is about what I watched in May and, yeah… still a bunch. So if you’re looking to get into some other movies - possibly some you’ve thought about watching but didn’t know what they were like, or maybe like the look of something you’ve never heard of - then this may help! So here’s every film I watched from the 1st to the 31st of May 2021 Tenet (2020) - 8/10 This was my third time watching Christopher Nolan’s most Christopher Nolan movie ever and it makes no sense but I still love it. The spectacle of it all is truly like nothing I’ve ever seen. I had also watched it four days prior to this watch also, only this time I had enabled audio description for the visually impaired, thinking it would make it funny… It didn’t.

Nomadland (2020) - 6/10 Chloé Zhao’s new movie got a lot of awards attention. Everyone was hyped for this and when it got put out on Disney+ I was eager to see what all the fuss was about. Seeing these real nomads certainly gave the film an authenticity, along with McDormand’s ever-praisable acting. But generally I found it quite underwhelming and lacking a lot in its pacing. Nomadland surely has its moments of captivating cinematography and enticing commentary on the culture of these people, but it felt like it went on forever without any kind of forward direction or goal. The Prince of Egypt (1998) - 6/10 I reviewed this on my podcast, The Sunday Movie Marathon. For what it is, it’s pretty fun but nowhere near as good as some of the best DreamWorks movies.

Chinatown (1974) - 8/10 What a fantastic and wonderfully unpredictable mystery crime film! I regret to say I’ve not seen many Jack Nicholson performances but he steals the show. Despite Polanski’s infamy, it’d be a lie to claim this wasn’t truly masterful. Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) - 8/10 Admittedly I was half asleep as I curled up on the sofa to watch this again on a whim. I watched this with someone who demanded the dubbed version over the subtitled version and while I objected heavily, I knew I’d seen the movie before so it didn’t matter too much. That person also fell asleep about 20 minutes in, so how pointless an argument it was. Howl’s Moving Castle boasts superb animation, the likes of which I’ve only come to expect of Miyazaki. The story is so unique and the colours are absolutely gorgeous. This may not be my favourite from the legendary director but there’s no denying its splendour.

Bāhubali: The Beginning (2015) - 3/10 The next morning I watched some absolute trash. This crazy, over the top Indian movie is hilarious and I could perhaps recommend it if it weren’t so long. That being said, Bāhubali was not a dumpster fire; it has a lot of good-looking visual effects and it’s easy to see the ambition for this epic story, it just doesn’t come together. There’s fun to be had with how the main character is basically the strongest man in the world and yet still comes across as just a lucky dumbass, along with all the dancing that makes no sense but is still entertaining to watch. Seven Samurai (1954) - 10/10 If it wasn’t obvious already, Seven Samurai is a masterpiece. I reviewed this on The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, so more thoughts can be found there. Red Road (2006) - 6/10 Another recommendation on episode 30 of the podcast. Red Road really captures the authentic British working class experience. Before Sunrise (1995) - 10/10 One of the best romances put to film. The first in Richard Linklater’s Before Trilogy is undoubtedly my favourite, despite its counterparts being almost equally as good. It tells the story of a young couple travelling through Europe, who happen to meet on a train and spend the day together. It is gloriously shot on location in Vienna and features some of the most interesting dialogue I’ve ever seen put to film. Heartbreakingly beautiful.

Tokyo Story (1953) - 9/10 This Japanese classic - along with being visually and sonically masterful - is a lot about appreciating the people in your life and taking the time to show them that you love them. It’s about knowing it’s never too late to rekindle old relationships if you truly want to, which is something I’ve been able to relate to in recent years. It broke my heart in two. Tokyo Story will make you want to call your mother. Before Sunset (2004) - 10/10 Almost a decade after Sunrise, Sunset carries a sombre yet relieving feeling. Again, the performances from Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke take me away, evoking nostalgic feelings as they stroll through the contemporary Parisian streets. There is no regret in me for buying the Criterion blu-ray boxset for this trilogy. Before Midnight (2013) - 10/10 Here, Linklater cements this trilogy as one of the best in film history. It’s certainly not the ending I expected, yet it’s an ending I appreciate endlessly. Because it doesn’t really end. Midnight shows the troubling times of a strained relationship; one that has endured so long and despite initially feeling almost dreamlike in how idealistically that first encounter was portrayed, the cracks appear as the film forces you to come to terms with the fact that fairy-tale romances just don’t exist. Relationships require effort and sacrifice and sometimes the ones that truly work are those that endure through all the rough patches to emerge stronger. The Holy Mountain (1973) - 10/10 Jodorowsky’s masterpiece is absolute insanity. I talked more about it on The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) - 10/10 Another watch for Grand Budapest because I bought the Criterion blu-ray. As unalterably perfect as ever. Blue Jay (2016) - 6/10 Rather good up to a point. My co-hosts and I did not agree on how good this movie was, which is a discussion you can listen to on my podcast. Shadow and Bone: The Afterparty (2021) - 3/10 For what it’s worth, I really enjoyed the first season of Shadow and Bone, which is why I wanted to see what ‘The Afterparty’ was about. This could have been a lot better and much less annoying if all those terrible comedians weren’t hosting and telling bad jokes. I don’t want to see Fortune Feimster attempt to tell a joke about oiling her body as the cast of the show sit awkwardly in their homes over Zoom. If it had simply been a half hour, 45 minute chat with the cast and crew about how they made the show and their thoughts on it, a lot of embarrassment and time-wasting could have been spared. Wadjda (2012) - 6/10 Another recommendation discussed at length on The Sunday Movie Marathon. Wadjda was pretty interesting from a cultural perspective but largely familiar in terms of story structure.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001) - 2/10 A truly terrible movie with maybe one or two scenes that stop it from being a complete catastrophe. Tom Green tried to create something that almost holds a middle finger to everyone who watches it and to some that could be a fun experience, but to me it just came across as utterly irritating. It’s simply a bunch of scenes threaded together with an incredibly loose plot. He wears the skin of a dead deer, smacks a disabled woman over and over again on the legs to turn her on, and he swings a newborn baby around a hospital room by its umbilical cord (that part was actually pretty funny). I cannot believe I watched this again, although I think I repressed a lot of it since having seen it for the first time around five years ago. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 - (2011) I have to say, these movies seem to get better with each instalment. They’re still not very good though. That being said, I’m amazed at how many times I’ve watched each of the Twilight movies at this point. This time around, I watched Breaking Dawn - Part 1 with a YMS commentary track on YouTube and that made the experience a lot more entertaining. Otherwise, this film is super dumb but pretty entertaining. I would recommend watching these movies with friends. Solaris (1972) - 8/10 Andrei Tarkovsky’s grand sci-fi epic about the emotional crises of a crew on the space station orbiting the fictional planet Solaris is much as strange and creepy as you might expect from the master Russian auter. I had wanted to watch this for a while so I bought the Criterion blu-ray and it’s just stunning. It’s clear to see the 2001: A Space Odyssey inspiration but Solaris is quite a different beast entirely. Jaws (1975) - 4/10 I really tried to get into this classic movie, but Jaws exhibits basically everything I don’t like about Steven Spielberg’s directing. For sure, the effects are crazily good but the story itself is poorly handled and largely uninteresting. It was just a massive slog to get through.

Darkman (1990) - 6/10 Sam Raimi’s superhero movie is so much fun, albeit massively stupid. Further discussion on Darkman can be found on episode 32 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast. Darkman II: The Return of Durant (1995) - 1/10 Abysmal. I forgot the movie as I watched it. This was part of a marathon my friends and I did for episode 32 of our podcast. Darkman III: Die Darkman Die (1996) - 1/10 Perhaps this trilogy is not so great after all. Only marginally better than Darkman II but still pretty terrible. More thoughts on episode 32 of my podcast. F For Fake (1973) - 8/10 Rewatching this proved to be a worthwhile decision. Albeit slightly boring, there’s no denying how crazy the story of this documentary about art forgers is. The standout however, is the director himself. Orson Welles makes a lot of this film about himself and how hot his girlfriend is and it is hilarious.

The Mitchells vs. The Machines (2021) - 4/10 More style over substance, Sony’s new animated adventure wants so much to be in trend with the current internet culture but it simply doesn’t understand what it’s emulating. There’s a nyan cat reference, for crying out loud. For every joke that works, there are about ten more that do not and were it not for the wonderful animation, it simply wouldn’t be getting so much praise. Taxi Driver (1976) - 10/10 The first movie I’ve seen in a cinema since 2020 and damn it was good to be back! I’ve already reviewed Taxi Driver in my March wrap-up but seeing it in the cinema was a real treat. Irreversible (2002) - 8/10 One of the most viscerally horrendous experiences I’ve ever had while watching a movie. I cannot believe a friend of mine gave me the DVD to watch. More thoughts on episode 32 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast. Don’t watch it with the family. The Golden Compass (2007) - 1/10 I had no recollection of this being as bad as it is. The Golden Compass is the definition of a factory mandated movie. Nothing it does on its own is worth any kind of merit. I would say, if you wanted an experience like what this tries to communicate, a better option by far is the BBC series, His Dark Materials. More of my thoughts can be found in the review I wrote on Letterboxd.

Antichrist (2009) - 8/10 Lars von Trier is nothing if not provocative and I can understand why someone would not like Antichrist, but I enjoyed it quite a lot. After watching it, I wrote a slightly disjointed summary of my interpretations of this highly metaphorical movie in the group chat, so fair warning for a bit of spoilers and graphic descriptions: It's like, the patriarchy, man! Oppression! Men are the rational thinkers with big brains and the women just cry and be emotional. So she's seen as crazy when she's smashing his cock and driving a drill through his leg to keep him weighted down. Like, how does he like it, ya know? So then she mutilates herself like she did with him and now they're both wounded, but the animals crowd around her (and the crow that he couldn't kill because it's Mother nature, not Father nature, duh). Then he kills her, even though she could've killed him loads of times but didn't. So it's like "haha big win for the man who was subjected to such horrific torture. Victory!" And then all the women with no faces come out of the woods because it's like a constant cycle. Manchester By The Sea (2016) - 6/10 Great performances in this super sad movie. I can’t say I got too much out of it though. Roar (1981) - 9/10 Watching Roar again was still as terrifying an experience as the first time. If you want to watch something that’s loose on plot with poor acting but with real big cats getting in the way of production and physically attacking people, look no further. This is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen because it’s all basically real. Cannot recommend it enough. Eyes Without A Face (1960) - 8/10 I’m glad I checked this old French movie out again. There’s a lot to marvel at in so many aspects, what with the premise itself - a mad surgeon taking the faces from unsuspecting women and transplanting them onto another - being incredibly unique for the time. Short, sweet and entertaining!

Se7en (1995) - 10/10 The first in a David Fincher marathon we did for The Sunday Movie Marathon, episode 33. Zodiac (2007) - 10/10 Second in the marathon, as it was getting late, we decided to watch half that evening and the last half on the following evening. Zodiac is a brilliant movie and you can hear more of my thoughts on the podcast (though I apologise; my audio is not the best in this episode). Gone Girl (2014) - 10/10 My favourite Fincher movie. More insights into this masterpiece in episode 33 of the podcast. Friends: The Reunion (2021) - 6/10 It was heartwarming to see the old actors for this great show together again. I talked about the Friends reunion film at length in episode 33 of my podcast.

Wolfwalkers (2020) - 10/10 I reviewed this in an earlier post but would like to reiterate just how wonderful Wolfwalkers is. If you get the chance, please see it in the cinema. I couldn’t stop crying from how beautiful it was. Raya and The Last Dragon (2021) - 6/10 After watching Wolfwalkers, I decided I didn’t want to go home. So I had lunch in town and booked a ticket for Disney’s Raya and The Last Dragon. A child was coughing directly behind me the entire time. Again, I reviewed this in an earlier post but generally it was decent but I have so many problems with the execution. The Princess Bride (1987) - 9/10 Clearly I underrated this the last time I watched it. The Princess Bride is warm and hilarious with some delightfully memorable characters. A real classic!

The Invisible Kid (1988) - 1/10 About as good as you’d expect a movie with that name to be, The Invisible Kid was a pick for The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, the discussion for which you can listen to in episode 34. Babel (2006) - 9/10 The same night that I watched The Invisible Kid, I watched a masterful and dour drama from the director of Birdman and The Revenant. Babel calls back to an earlier movie of Iñárritu’s, called Amores Perros and as I was informed while we watched this for the podcast, it turns out Babel is part of a trilogy alongside the aforementioned film. More thoughts in episode 34 of the podcast. Snake Eyes (1998) - 1/10 After feeling thoroughly emotionally wiped out after Babel, we immediately watched another recommendation for the podcast: Snake Eyes, starring Nicolas Cage. This was a truly underwhelming experience and for more of a breakdown into what makes this movie so bad, you can listen to us talk about it on the podcast.

[dangerousstrawberryshark]

I Can Do Anything I Want

Requested from no one.

Tom Holland x Male Reader

(Tom be looking sexy)

Warning: Violence, kidnapping, psychotic Tom, mention of nudity, all character are above the age of 18

Background: March 21st, 2030, 7:00 PM, you were getting ready to bunker down with your mom and dad. You hoped that nothing would happen tonight but someone decided to come in and give you a visit.

Tom is 20 and you are 18

M/n: Male name.

L/n: Last name.

F/n: Friend's name

Word count: 2900

I hope you enjoy it!! Sorry if it is bad! And there are probably many mistakes and grammar errors. 

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DISCLAIMER: I MEAN NO OFFENSE, DISRESPECT, OR HARM TO ANY OF THESE CELEBRITIES! THIS IS JUST FICTION.

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MINORS DNI. FEMALE READERS… I’LL ALLOW YOU TO READ MY FICS BUT DO NOT FETISHIZE ANY OF MY STORIES

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You were sitting on the couch with your mom sitting on the left side, and your father on your right side. You were waiting for the announcement to come on. ‘It's almost 7:00 PM…” you thought to yourself. The holiday you hated the most was about to begin.

Just then the emergency broadcast came on with that ear-shattering sound. And the screen on the TV turns blue with the symbol of the NFFA in the background.

“This is not a test.”

“This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the U.S. Government.”

“Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted.”

“Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed.”

“Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours.”

“Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7 AM when the Purge concludes.”

“Blessed be our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn.”

"May God be with you all.”

Then the air horn sirens blared meaning the Purge officially began. Your family has already set up defenses. You, of course, never participate. Your family put out blue flowers to show that they don’t want to participate but they support the purge.

You know your parents, they didn’t support this “holiday” at all. Come on now, 12 hours without any laws. Your parents spoke out against it.

Some (well most) Americans find the Purge to be successful. Unemployment rates plummeted down to 1 percent, crime rates decreased, and the economy was revived.

If you are wondering how this came into reality, it all started back in 2014.

(little history of how the Purge became a tradition in American society.)

In 2014, the United States was facing economic collapse, rising social unrest, and multiple wars. The economic collapse was worse than the Mortgage Crisis of 2008. Neighborhoods across the country were destroyed by an opioid epidemic.

Then a party was founded as a substitute for the Republicans and Democrats, they called themselves the New Founding Fathers of America or NFFA.

In 2016, the first experimental Purge took place and it proved to be successful. Then in 2017, the second experimental Purge began this time it was Nationwide.

Not long after that, the 28th amendment to the US constitution was ratified meaning that Purging is now an American right.

The Purge starts on March 21st at 7:00 PM and it ends at sunrise, March 22nd, 7:00 AM. all crime is legal for 12 hours, no killing high government officials, and don’t use explosives or bioweapons. Those who don’t follow the rules will be hanged.

This resulted in crime and unemployment rates dropping down 1 percent, government spending down 37 percent, and the GDP soared to 37.21 trillion dollars.

Still, many people disagreed with this because it was believed that the Purge was used as means of population control, and to decrease the poor population but they couldn’t do anything about it.

(little history lesson over. I just wanna include that part for those who have never seen the purge.)

We got off the couch and went to go do our own things. “Sweetie do wanna eat dinner?” my mom said, I smiled. “Yes please.” she smiled at me and went to go cook dinner. You went upstairs to chill in your room. Your window was boarded up but you could easily remove it when things go down.

————————————————————————————

Time skip (8:00 PM)

————————————————————————————

It's been one hour since commencement. You were up in your room just watching YouTube videos. Your mother was downstairs cooking Lasagna (or whatever your favorite dish is) your father was downstairs watching the news.

The news would keep up with things happening tonight. Were watching a live stream showing what was happening on the outside. Building on fire, people killing each other, and parties. All of this was caught on drones.

You would hear the occasional screams and gunfire in the area but you and your family were secure.

Then you heard banging on the front door. The door and windows were boarded up with wood planks. ‘Who is that?’ you thought, you were worried it was one of your bullies who decided tonight was the night they get to get rid of you.

You went downstairs to see your parents. They had fear in their eyes, then the door busted one. Three men wearing tuxedos with masks on walked in. then they pulled out their guns, that’s when you dashed and went up into your room.

Your parents tried to run but they were quickly gunned down. You could hear gunshots go off and their screams filled the house.

You locked your bedroom door and ran to the window to remove the wood plank blocking it. You could hear the footsteps coming up the stairs. One of them called out to you, “M/n⁓ where are you⁓? Come out from hiding… are you in your room?”

You recognized that deep British accent, it was Tom! Tom Holland from your class! ‘What did I do to him? I never did anything wrong to him!’ but that didn’t stop you from removing the plank. You jumped out the window and ran for it.

Tom busted through your door to see that you have escaped. He gritted his teeth and went downstairs to see his twin brothers sitting down on the couch with their masks off.

“So he got away?” the older twin said. “Yeah, he did. We’ll find him though. He isn’t stupid enough to go downtown. He’ll probably head to his friend's house.” Tom said a little anger that his precious lover had gone away.

“We already took care of his friends. But we couldn’t get to one of them.” The younger twin said, Tom nodded and went out to go find you.

(Btw Tom's parents live in the UK and they don’t know what he is doing. Tom’s brothers are just helping him catch you)

————————————————————————————

Time skip (9:00 PM)

————————————————————————————

You were running to your friend's house hoping they would help you. You had to be careful while running through the streets, there were purgers everywhere. The city of Los Angeles was crawling with them, especially in the downtown area.

Thankfully you took your phone with you to see what time it was. ‘9:00 PM.’ you turned off your but you made sure it was on silent mode so it wouldn't bring attention to you.

You had a little encounter with Purgers but they were quickly gunned down by a machine gun attached to the back of a car. You saw vehicles on fire, dead bodies, and an old lady just watching a body burn.

‘This is all crazy!’ you thought as you ran faster just to get off the streets but what you didn’t was that someone was following you.

After running for 30 minutes you finally arrived at one of your friend’s houses. You didn’t realize that their barricades were broken until you twisted the knob on the door.

You walked in to see the whole place trashed. You walked through the rooms to see F/N parents dead, lying on the floor. Their eyes were open, you see nothing in them. “Please don’t be dead…” you said putting your hand over your mouth as you tried not to cry out loud.

You slowly walked up the stairs and approached F/N’s room. There you saw it, F/N lying on the floor dead as well. You burst out crying but that ended when you heard a car pull up.

“Find him!” you knew who that was immediate. You couldn’t run anywhere because they were downstairs, and the window had steel as a barricade. So, you hid in F/n’s closet.

You knew they had a pile of clothing in the corner, so you buried yourself in their clothes. You heard their footsteps walking up the stairs, and them breaking down the door. Then you heard them in the room.

You could see a figure walking through a small hole in the clothing pile. You covered your mouth so you wouldn’t breathe too hard. “CLEAR!” the figure yelled and went back downstairs. You heard their conversation from downstairs because of how the walls were thin.

“I thought he would be here!” Tom yelled, and out of anger shots one of his own men. The twins and the other weren’t fazed by this. They knew Tom had a few screws loose.

Then you heard them leave but you didn’t believe they actually left so you decided to stay where you were for the 2 to 3 hours.

————————————————————————————

Time skip (3:00 AM)

————————————————————————————

While waiting you accidentally fell asleep (why? because of plot purposes and I'm the author)and you realized that it was 3:00 AM, 4 hours till the Purge ends. You thought you could stay here but then you smelt something burning.

You got out of the pile to see the room was on fire. ‘What?! How?’ you quickly got and ran before the roof caved in on you. The backdoor was barricaded but due to the fire, it melted the steel allowing you to escape. (is that possible?)

You were on the run again but before you left, you noticed a group of people watching the house burn. ‘Are those my teachers?’ The group was your teachers from different classes. You knew they didn’t like F/N at all.

‘What has this country become?’ if this keeps happening, if more innocent people keep dying, then the nation will become the “Nation of Murders.” you decided to ignore them and run.

But one of them saw you, “M/n? Is that you?” one of them yelled. You froze, ‘how did they--?’ you turned around to see them walking towards you. “Hey don't worry we ain’t kill you. You are our favorite student!”

You looked at them shocked. “Why are you out here? Aren’t you supposed to be with your parents?” you looked down and began to cry. They noticed and said they didn’t need to know.

“Do you wanna come with us? There’s a neighborhood block party.” you nodded and decided to go with them. ‘So I guess they kill the kids they hate.’ they then took you to one of the nearby parties.

But one of Tom’s men noticed and decided to alert the big boss.

(just to be clear, in the Purge series there isn’t a legal purge. Meaning that you can kill someone who is 18 or younger. Now that’s fucked up.)

You and the teachers arrived at the block party. You see everyone partying, some had creepy masks, and others were naked grinding against each other. You lost your teachers in the crowd so you decided to just hideout.

————————————————————————————

Time skip (6:00 AM, one hour till the Purge ends.)

————————————————————————————

(if you are wondering why Tom didn’t show up early, it's because he was busy doing something else….. Or maybe its because I was too lazy to put anything during that time skip)

You checked your phone and noticed it was 6:00 AM. ‘One more hour!’ you smiled as the night was finally coming to an end. The sun was rising in the distance but people were still partying. ‘I survived the night.’

You even began to party yourself in celebration of surviving. You had a couple of drinks but not enough to be completely drunk. You danced with some people. Overall you were having a good time

But that happiness was short-lived when the gunfire began to go off. People were screaming and tripping over each other as they tried to run away. You already knew who it was. Tom fucking Holland and his group arrived

He noticed you in the crowd and smirked as he can finally have you before the Purge ended. You ran away from the crowd to one of those large garbage containers. You hid behind them hoping Tom won’t find you.

You could still hear the screams of people and more gunfire further down the street. You creeped out from your hiding place and walked back to the street.

You were horrified by what you were seeing. Dead bodies everywhere, your teacher’s dead bodies, and some people you were dancing with. All dead.

Then you heard footsteps behind you, you turned around to see Tom there smiling sadistically at you. You admit he was kind of hot but that doesn’t matter right now. “Why are you doing this? I never did anything to you! And did you find me?! ”

(6:55 AM)

“Why’m I doing this? Well, it's because of M/n…… I love you M/n! You never did anything wrong. And how did I find you? Well, remember there's an app where you can track down certain people’s phones? Well, that’s how I found you, that and one of my men told me.” Tom sounded proud of what he just said.

(6:57 AM)

“I thought I could use this Purge night as a way to finally have you to myself! I hope you share the same feeling like me.” you couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“Tom…. look, you’re a cute guy, hell I would probably have dated if you just came up to me like a normal person would. But no, you went ahead and killed everyone. You killed my family and friends, and you think I share the same feeling like you! No!” you yelled the tension was thick and Tom was angry.

(6:59 AM)

“I loved you! And they were getting in the way!--” Tom took a pause, “If I can’t have then no one will!” Tom charged at you with his knife. ‘What happened to his gun?’

But you quickly snapped out when he charged at you. You dodged his attack but he stabbed you in the arm. He was about to finish when…

(7:00 AM)

*INSERT SIREN NOISE*

The siren went off meaning the Purge had come to an end. Tom was still going to attack but was stopped when a voice came on, “Stop what you are doing! I repeat stop what you are doing! The Purge has concluded. If anyone does a crime, you will face the consequences.”

Tom stopped what he was doing and looked at you, “Next Purge, I’m going to get you.” Tom then got into his car and drove off.

You felt like you were going to faint from blood loss but then someone drove up to you. “Hey, okay?! Oh my God, we need to get you to the hospital!” they picked you up and carried you into the backseat, and drove you to the nearest hospital.

The radio was on and began to report on tonight’s events. “Just after 7:00 AM, March 22nd Pacific Standard, the Annual Purge was concluded. Reports are coming from all over the nation that this was the most participated Purge yet….

364 days until the next Purge...

THE GOOD ENDING

Bad Ending.

Time skip (6:00 AM, one hour till the Purge ends.)

You checked your phone and noticed it was 6:00 AM. ‘One more hour!’ you smiled as the night was finally coming to an end. The sun was rising in the distance but people were still partying. ‘I survived the night.’

You even began to party yourself in celebration of surviving. Yo had a couple of drinks but not enough to be completely drunk. You danced with some people. Overall you were having a good time

But that happiness was short-lived when the gunfire began to go off. People were screaming and tripping over each other as they tried to run away. You already knew who it was. Tom fucking Holland and his group arrived

He noticed you in the crowd and smirked as he can finally have you before the Purge ended. You ran away from the crowd to one of those large garbage containers. You hid behind them hoping Tom won’t find you.

You could still hear the screams of people and more gunfire further down the street. You creeped out from your hiding place and walked back to the street.

You were horrified by what you were seeing. Dead bodies everywhere, your teacher’s dead bodies, and some people you were dancing with. All dead.

Just then you felt something being injected into your neck. You passed out but before you completely passed out, you got a glimpse of who it was…. It was Tom.

“You're finally mine M/n. I’ll keep you forever…. No one will take us apart….”

PART TWO CAN BE FOUND HERE

[montrealmadison]

jack zimmermann’s guide to falling in love; or, his country playlist

in 2015, jack falls in love for his own sake. his playlist is for trying to notice the little things before they’re gone: the smell of a fresh black coffee from annie’s, the sound of shitty’s laughter, the warm crush of his friends’ bodies against his, the way the sunrise looks on the ice at faber. it’s for growing up and into a version of himself that he’s proud to be at last. it’s for throwing his cap at graduation. it’s for watching somebody he loves walk away from him and thinking, i’m not ready for you to go, and then doing something about it.

in 2016, jack falls in love at a distance. his playlist is for long roadies when he’s waking up in a different hotel room every morning. it’s for resting his head against another window on another plane and going to sleep, dreaming of a home that’s as much a person as it is a place. it’s for appreciating each text, each skype call, each stolen weekend. it’s for living his biggest and most impossible dreams with someone in his corner. it’s for knowing that i want the whole world to know how happy i am, and then doing something about it.

in 2017, jack falls in love with the future. his playlist is for appreciating all the things he didn’t think to ask for and never thought he’d get to have. it’s for looking around at his life one day and realizing, i’m so glad i stuck around to see this. it’s for waking up first and smiling at the person he loves asleep on the opposite pillow. it’s for wondering how it would feel to spend every morning of the rest of his life feeling exactly this happy, and then doing something about it. 

listen on spotify here

[savoies]

i don't know you yet - anthony beauvillier.

summary: soulmates. they exist right? y/n and tito live their daily lives doing activities thinking if the right person will ever come.

word count: 2k.

warnings: maybe a few bad words. hopefully angst. 

a/n: i think this might be my first "angst" so please let me know what you think. i am so proud of this work and honestly probably one of my bests. loosely inspired by idk yet by alexander 23. thank you so much to @puckbuddies for all the help, love ya!

taglist + tagging a few folks: @quintnsbyfield @vincecdunn @bigboigritty @ana-maa @puckshitbitch @alxvlasic @stfukie @laurenairay @damn-dunner-29 @kaitieskidmore1 @thelionkingpw @aria253264 @hartsyhart @boesxr @mitch-slap @frostythegoalman @teenagekook @barzysthighs

tagging some lovely folks: @laurenairay @konecny-s @bestestbenn @vinceduhn @folkloreflyers .

(*credit to gif owner.*)

Many people imagine their dream person or think of the person they want to date or marry from a young age. Y/N remembered going to sleepovers and her friends talking about how they wanted a boyfriend with blue eyes and blonde hair or brown hair and brown eyes. But when Y/N's turn came around she always said the same thing "I don't care what they look like as long as they are the right person for me." And that's when the game would end. Because twelve year olds could not fathom that everyone had their person and at some point they'd meet and everything would work out. Her mindset was set as growing up her mom would always tell her the same story. When I met your dad I just knew she'd say.

Tito had dated his fair share of girls. Blonde, brown haired, a red head, and a spontaneous colored haired girl here and there. But none caught his attention. Not that they weren't pretty or anything but Tito was not really one to date and dump. He liked forming connections and really getting to know them. But being a hockey player was not really quite helpful. They'd be invited to a party here and there and of course Mat begged Tito to go with him because he needed a wingman and Tito could not really say no to his best friend.

~~~~

Y/N had believed she had met her special person her second year into college. A tall lanky boy with brown hair. They had both met in the library when they reached for the same book. Might seem cheesy but she took it as a hint. After "considently" bumping into eachother in the library many more times he had asked her out. Most of their dates were pretty basic just like her. Maybe that's why she enjoyed them so much. Two years. Two years is how long she dated him for. But sadly people fall out of love. She had heard about that happening only in movies. Never really thinking that it could happen to her. But then she heard some of the worst words anyone could ever hear. "I don't love you anymore." 

Her heart was sad. Her first real relationship. Who she believed was the one. But she understood. This wasn't her fairytale. But she was broken. Her still being in love. Thoughts invading her mind. What did she do wrong? What could she have done better? So after that it took her time to open up again, to bring those walls down to handsome looking strangers. She wasn't one just to date for fun. So she rarely did bring them down. Sometimes she'd sit in her dark room late at night letting her thoughts consume her. How maybe she'd never find the one, how she was unlovable, how she had way too high of expectations to believe there was someone for everyone. 

~~~~~

Every Monday morning Y/N would go to the same coffee shop and get the same order, a medium coffee with sugar and cream. To her it was a nice way to start the week. She had been doing it since she moved to Brooklyn in 2016. 

Tito had been begging Mat to go with him to this coffee shop in Brooklyn that apparently had great coffee. Tito was what you could call a food and drinks connoisseur. Having cooked many times for his teammates and best friend.

" Come on Mat, Grace and Anders said it the best they've had and they've lived here much longer than us. Plus you owe me for getting you that girls number last week, don't forget to call her." Tito wasn't one to get acquainted with Mat's hookups but he did feel bad when the next morning Mat was kicking them out before sunrise.

Mat finally agreed and here they were on a Monday morning way too early for Mat's liking for a straight black coffee that was "rich in flavor" according to Tito. It was quite busy for it being Monday but they patiently waited in line.

Y/N gathered her stuff and exited the crowded coffee shop, careful not to bump into anyone and headed her way to work.

After waiting for about fifteen minutes they ordered two medium coffees and headed out to the busy New York streets.

She had walked about ten minutes away from the coffee shop before she realized that she forgot her phone. Y/N checked her watch and noticed that if she was gonna make it on time she had only five minutes to retrieve her phone. So she quickly but carefully dogged through people as she made her way back to the coffee shop.

Tito and Mat were casually walking back to the car having parked it a few blocks down when they saw someone running their way. Tito wasn't paying much attention due to savoring his cup of coffee which to him was totally worth the twenty minute drive and six dollars.

"Dude she's hot." Mat turned around and checked out the girl that somewhat seemed like she was running away from something instead of for something. 

"Mat that's gross. You literally didn't even see her face and are labelling her hot just by seeing her ass, I understand why you need a wingman now."

"Hey!" Mat slapped his best friend's shoulder as Tito drank his coffee trying to stifle a laugh (which he failed) since Mathew knew it was true.

~~~

Y/N had heard it many times from her friends, family, and probably even a few strangers. It was time to get a date. She wasn't desperate to really get anywhere. She was a 22 year old living in one of the most populated states in the country. She has time right? Deep down she knew that if she didn't get out there her person would probably not come by themselves. Which brings her to present day staring at her  phone screen at 1am. Earlier in the day Y/N's friend texted her that she knew someone who deemed specific qualities the young romantic wanted. 

~~~

Y/N met Grace in the coffee shop. She had come in a little bit later due to having the day off and sleeping in. Grace and Ruby sat in one of the corners of the small spaced coffee shop and Y/N sat next to them trying to stay in her own space but finding it quite difficult when there was a cute baby trying to get her attention a few feet away. After Grace apologizing for invading her space and Y/N saying it was really no problem they continued to meet in the coffee shop every once in a while. And a friendship blossomed later having exchanged numbers.

Grace was great. She listened to Y/N's tall tales of soulmates and love and she even told her about how she found her love (which she referred to as anders, y/n never having met him before) and how they had a beautiful baby girl together. She knew Y/N wanted someone who was sweet and kind and liked forming deeper connections so when she had an encounter with Tito she knew she should text her.

~~~

It was a late Friday night and the boys were celebrating a win in a rowdy club somewhere in downtown Brooklyn. The single guys trying to get the attention of some girls by buying them drinks. Grace had been standing at the bar with some of the other girls when she saw that Tito sat alone at the booth that occupied their stuff.

"Seems like our stuff doesn't really need a bodyguard, why aren't you out there buying a girl a drink or dancing?" She spoke somewhat loudly due to the pounding music and shouting of people.

"Not really my thing." He smiled softly back at his captain's wife. Tito was not fond of clubs or bars. He felt as though it was way too loud to actually have a proper conversation with someone. That's when it clicked. Of all the times the team had gone out not once had Tito really smiled or joked around with a girl. Grace connected the dots and decided to text Y/N in the morning.

~~~

A simple message was displayed across Y/N's screen. Simply reading "hey i know dates aren't your thing but i know someone who i think you might like."

After sleeping on it for quite a few more hours than she needed to, she decided to bite the bullet and text Grace back. "Why the hell not." 

Not even two minutes later Y/N's phone dinged indicating a response. "Perfect, I'll let him know."

There she sat on her bed over thinking if this was really a good idea.

~~

Tito was way over his head. Grace had texted him that she knew of a girl who was quite exactly Tito's type. At least she loosely stated it that way. He had agreed only on the condition that Mat was having a girl over later tonight and he wanted to be as far away from that as possible since they did have pretty thin walls. So exactly five hours later here he stood outside the infamous coffee shop which held the secret ingredient to the best coffee he had. Grace didn't tell him much other than her hair color which was quite difficult to find in New York since every once in a while a sea of same colored haired girls would come by. He waited outside deeming it more on the gentlemenier side. Whatever that meant. Ten minutes later wrapping his coat on tighter and checking his watch for what seemed to be the five time. Maybe she stood him up. I mean he didn't have too many redeeming qualities. I mean hell he lived in New York and didn't like clubs, parties, and sometimes hated big crowds which were what seemed to be a big part of where he lived. Rocking on the back of his heels he decided to wait a bit longer thinking that hopefully she was just running late.

~~~ 

Indeed she had been running quite late. Her cousin had pleaded her to take care of her baby because she had some errands to run. She didn't mind at all since she did in fact love babies. But when four thirty rolled around and still no sign of her cousin she began to worry. She didn't have this mystery dudes number (which Grace referred to him as Anthony) so she couldn't really text him that she was gonna be a bit late. She really hoped he would wait because all throughout the day her excitement grew more and more. Finally five rolled around and Y/N quickly handed off the baby and changed into something more date worthy rushing out the door in the cold breeze of the afternoon. She rushed to the coffee shop and as she arrived she could see a tall stranger looking down at the ground presumably freezing since it was pretty cold. She dodged a few people hoping that this was indeed her date.

"Hi uhm are you Anthony." She spoke up and she stood awkwardly pulling the sleeves of her sweaters. "Gosh please be Anthony or im just gonna look like an idiot." She whispered.

Tito turned around at a soft voice and was faced with one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. Her baby hairs were sticking out and her nose and cheeks were red from the cold, she seemed to be somewhat out of breath.

Y/N looked up and caught sight of some of the most memorizing eyes she had ever seen. This handsome stranger who she presumed  as Anthony had amazing features.

Tito cleared his throat and reached out his hand. "Hi uhm yeah im Anthony but you can call me Tito, or at least that's what my friends call me." He began to ramble.

"Nice to meet you im y/n." They shook hands and a soft electric shock was felt between the two. They both glanced up and she knew it was too soon to tell since she had just met him but she felt an extra special connection with him.

[milehighchameleon]

Jesus Did It

I was born to two Brazilians in a small beachtown in Florida. I was blessed to be gifted a baby brother along my early years of life. We lived happily until 2009...

We had to move to Brazil. Due to financial reasons my dad decided to stay in America to raise more income and my mother flew with us to the country side of São Paulo. I was 9 years old and my brother was 5. Life was good in America. I hated the idea of going to Brazil. I cried heaps. I am not sure my brother knew what was going on.

Being close to my grandparents (from mom's side) was some sort of blessing in disguise. My grandma had a school of languages (very common in Brazil. it's more for the folks that want to study English in depth in hope of becoming fluent. There were other languages too. Like Spanish.)

My mom fell for the only male of that school who so happened to be the Spanish teacher. She cheated on my dad. Life became hell. My father was being cheated on while he was hustling in America to provide for our family.

I believe I have always been an intense child. I couldn't stand the betrayal. I called my dad one night and told him everything. When he finally flew into São Paulo he knew it all. He didn't speak to my mother about it. Of course she continued to cheat on him. The fire in hell started burning more and more. One day it all broke down and my mother left with her new partner leaving nothing but a "a fila anda" (essentially meaning "thank you next" or literally "the line keeps moving").

In the midst of my frustration we were left behind with no money (for she had burnt everything with the dude she took off with), my dad didn't have a job yet, and we had no support from my grandparents. To this day I don't understand why but my dad made sure we had all we needed: love. It was the three of us. My dad, my brother, and I. We had each other and that's all we needed to survive.

Me and my brother were foreign kids in a foreign country. We were hugged by many but mistreated by many more. I was made fun of for being too tall, too skinny, for my teeth, for my accent, and mostly because I was born in a place that wasn't Brazil. I was cussed at, accused, and beat up. Physically and emotionally. Hell continued to burn.

I met great friends as the years passed. I found hobbies I was passionate about. I fell in love with the idea of happiness but I was still empty. I would question why there was so much suffering in the world, so much lying, so much betrayal, so much negativity; I just couldn't understand. As I grew older, many were my aspirations: counseling, social work, being less of me, more of others, etc. I wanted to help those in need. I found love in the simple things. Watching the sunrise, smell the wet grass, say good morning to strangers I walked by, smiling, and spending time with my family.

[...]

There was more out there for me. My dad talked me into playing volleyball. I got into it. With a lot of hesitation but I kept going. I was good at it. Way too good: in 2015 I hit my first year of being a volleyball athlete; in 2016 I was playing professional volleyball; in 2017 I received a full scholarship to play for a college in America. All very fast. But a lot happened during those three years.

In 2014, I found something to be passionate about. After winning my first championship, I knew that I wanted to play for the rest of my life.

In 2015, I lived a great experience of playing for one of the hardest competitions in the state I was living.

In 2016, however, hell broke lose. New season. I was 16 years old and I was curious. I was comfortable in my new team. Knowing I was the best player, I thought "why not try other things"? My friends invited me to parties, alcohol and weed included. I did it. My friends talked about kissing guys. I did it. My friends talked about sex. I had to do it and on top of that, be the first one of my group to do it. Why? Because I needed a reason to continue to be the best. Not just on the court but in life. I clearly wasn't living for myself. So at 16, I was the chill girl that was always "good vibes only", played amazing volleyball, and did whatever she pleased because... why not? My ego was rocket high. I needed attention. I was hiding my demons. No one knew. Neither did I.

[...]

During team workouts, me and my teammates would watch the basketball boys practicing. (It was all in the same athletic facility). I used to joke around saying that one of them would be my boyfriend one day. And he did but he was also the dude who first manipulated me, threatened me, lied to me, and...

raped me.

Molested, abused, and abandoned. I was so broken I kept feeding my demons. I would go to parties and knock myself out in alcohol and kiss everyone I bumped into. Boy or girl, it didn't matter. I would hang out with drug dealers, would go to dangerous parties with them, smoke weed with them, and all that searching for identity. The desperate search to "fit in". I didn't know who I was. I wanted to experience freedom. It was so bad that the same dude who raped me broke into my house. He said he was going to kill me. All this while he had another girlfriend for ages and the poor girl was pregnant.

I couldn't sleep for days. I lied to my dad. I didn't care about my brother. I couldn't take care of myself. I was a deception to my family. I was so broken, I had to break the ones around me. Soon the only thing that brought me joy began to fade away. My game started to suck. I got locked into smoking weed every night and eventually stopped playing volleyball. I was convinced I would just become a hippie and live in communes. I had dreads. All my friends were stoners. We were one love.

My dad wasn't a fan. At all. I am sure I made him sick. I couldn't help but think of the great deception I was burrying on him. After all he had done to keep our family alive and well. I lived like none of that mattered.

I was fighting many demons. I carried the weight of bringing pride to my family. I never wanted to be like my mom and make my dad go through that great disaster again. But I did it for far too long. It hurt but it didn't make me stop. I continued to live for myself. I partied, dance, and did all drugs under the sun. I continued to submit to toxicity and triggers. I knew it wasn't good but I would drink too much, kiss too many people, sleep around, and forget the pain. I didn't respect myself.

I eventually missed volleyball. I knew how much it made my father proud. He knew I loved it too so I came back.

Coming back was great. My coach missed me, my teammates were excited, and soon enough I'd be getting an email with a proposal to go back to America. That was my golden ticket. I accepted it. End of 2017 we won the championship and I had all I needed to leave Brazil. January of 2018 I moved to Tampa, Florida.

"Ready"-I thought. My demons were subdued. A few months in, I began to realize that all that time I was idolizing things of low value (eternally speaking). My focus was on the things I could grasp with my own hands. I had everything I thought I ever wanted: full scholarship, financial assistance, new apartment, America, volleyball, and a proud family. None of that mattered because I was empty. Depression was evident. I had no desire to be alive. That's when my suicidal thoughts met me. I was planning suicide and reaching out with my goodbyes. People banged on my door. I couldn't speak. I was sent to counseling. It was at a church. I wanted it to help. But. It didn't.

When my first opportunity to go back to Brazil came around, I took it. It had only been five motnhs but I was sick, tired, and extremly overwhelmed. At this time, my dad had a new partner and to say the least she was/is like the evil step mother from Cinderella. They tried to convince me to stay in america but I went anyway.

In summary of all things that happened in Brazil, I so happened to break my finger. And. Lost my scholarship. I stayed at my dad's house. Hell was risen again.

My depression slapped me in the face. I was paper-like white. I didn't want to eat. I looked sick. I was stuck. I lost the love. I lost the will. I hated myself so I went all out. Slept around. Fooled around. Faked around. Then fell again: abused, intoxicated, and manipulated. In the end, weed was my only friend. Real friend.

I ran away from home. I looked for my mom. She didn't want me. My dad didn't want me.

I was sent to live with my grandparents (from my father's side). I had to get myself together. I got clean. I stopped sleeping around. I stopped going to parties. No more drinks. No more drugs. I served my family well. I started working out. Started playing volleyball again. I was chosen.

After a few months, I was invited to live in the capital of Rio de Janeiro to play the state competition. I was 19 years old at the time. I was stoked. I was noticed by the athletics director and he asked if I wanted to go to America. I was given a second chance. I took it.

July of 2019, I took off to Melbourne, Florida. Everything was different. Everything was beautiful. I was convinced I would make my family proud this time. I was majoring in Athletic Training. I loved my new team, my teammates, and my coaches. I was a starter and I was feeling strong. Life was great. Until... August 2019. With only one month into my new life, I felt a stabbing pain in my lower back during a team workout. After countless doctor's visits, x-rays and MRIs, we found out. I had a disc herniation and I'd have to be out (on the bench) for the entire season. I was broken but I was focused (or I like to think i was).

After six months of agressive physical therapy and bench warming, I hopped into my first practice. At my first serve, same pain from the first time. That all meant no more scholarship. No more volleyball for Nikole. I was so lost. I was devastated. I was...broken. My entire life was volleyball.

[...]

Covid-19. March of 2020 the journey into lockdown began around the world and all international athletes were sent back to their countries. Because I first moved from Brazil to the school, I was considered an international student. Although I hated it, I left, and stayed with my dad.

Me and my brother had the time of our life. Three months together. We couldn't ask for a better time. On the other hand, my step mom and I didn't have as much fun. It was a radical dispute over my dad's attention. Of course, I couldn't fight because she's always all over him. I accepted my failure. I was content in my defeat.

When Mother's Day came around, I wasn't feeling good. Everyone left the house to celebrate. I was left alone. I don't think I ever felt so alone. I had made up my mind that no one would miss me if I left so I did some research and started popping pills. This time I didn't reach out to anyone. It was time to end it. I couldn't care less. As I continued to watch YouTube videos on different testimonies of family members who lost loved ones to suicide, a music video popped up. The music video was for a song called "Blinded by Your Grace" by Stormzy. (A British rapper I really liked at the time). The words were "Lord I've been broken. Although I'm not worthy, You fixed me and I'm blinded by Your grace. You came and saved me." I didn't know what grace and salvation meant but I knew and felt there was something special about that song. That song saved my life. I spent the rest of the day crying but the pills finally kicked in.

Fortunately, I woke up. (Not so fortunate because it was my stepmom who had waken me up but I was alive). Something was different.

[...]

After those three months of lockdown, I moved back to Melbourne at my own expense. I was determined to finish school and see where life would take me. I then requested a student loan and got myself a job.

During my first week back in Florida, a friend of mine invited me to play volleyball by the beach with her church friends. I was like "heck friggin yea let's go!" From the beach, she invited me to join her on Wednesdays for midweek services at her church, and then small group on Sunday nights. I was still partying, drinking, doing weed occasionaly, and sleeping with a dude that wasn't my boyfriend. Therefore, I started feeling conviction. All those worldly things began to matter less and less. I continued to attend church often with my friend and every time (every single time!) I was there it felt like the pastor was looking me in the eye and saying "Nikole, this is for you."

(Now I know the spirit of God was working on me all that time.)

One night during volleyball, the outreach pastor started talking about Jesus and my heart started racing just like it's racing now as I type this. My heart was beating in desperation. I HAD to know who Jesus was. At the end of the night, I spoke to the pastor. He told me everything I needed to hear. I left the church with many thoughts and a full heart. I spent the rest of that week contemplating and talking to others. I just couldn't comprehend why God would want such a sinner like me. My tattoos, my mistakes, my virginity, my identity, and my personality out of many things made me second guess the love of Christ. But a friend of mine confronted me with this "Nikole, in Christ you are born again. Nothing you have done in the past matters anymore. For once you are saved, you are made new." That was it! I had no where else to run. God had found me and I saw the light. I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior on September 13 of 2020. I followed the Lord in baptism exactly seven days after that and on September 20 of 2020 I celebrated my salvation with the church.

[...]

Now here I am. To say it has been quite the journey is an understatement. God is so SOVEREIGN! He makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him. In my weakness He is strength. He is the God who grants me true freedom. The God who redeemed, renewed, and restored me. I had no idea that I could (EVER) step out of death and bloom into choose life in Christ everyday. He died on that cross and rose on the third day to bring, not just me, but ALL of us joyful good news. He brings hope and a future! He turns mourning into dancing, sorrow into gladness, and graves into gardens! He brings love, He brings joy, and He brings peace!

Today I confidently share these things because if He did it for me, He can do it for you! I have tasted and seen...Beloved, hear the good news: Christ died for us and we are forgiven. All battles are won because the Lamb won on the Cross! HALLELUJAH!

Dive in! Be encouraged! Do not fear!

As I walk in faith, I continue to learn that to live for Christ is to not know all things but to have the certainty that I am a beloved child of God and that I am. Never. Alone.

[skenvs3000]

Week 7: Majestic Markings of Art

     Music and nature are both forms of art. They create heartwarming emotions, which can help build and strengthen relationships within yourself, and with others. Music can be heard and found in nature endlessly. Such as the sound of birds chirping in the morning as the weather starts to warm or the sound of crickets outside late at night. Music can be heard within the leaves rustling through a windy autumn day or even through the echo of a pebble skipping across a pond. Music is whatever heals your soul and makes you feel at peace. There are so many examples and forms of those sounds of harmony within nature; it is almost impossible to write it all out in one post. 

     According to Beck et al. (2018), “Music is a form of art and the arts move our minds from the ordered and sequential logic into the deeper, more cyclical world of imagery, values, metaphor, and symbolism.”  When I think of music and nature, I think of the serenity that I can find when I can feel both. For example, merely watching a sunset while listening to the ocean waves or listening to the sound of a bonfire crackling on a warm summer night - is enough to create peace within my soul. Don’t get me wrong; I love listening to actual music! I am one of those people who have different playlists for different moods. I love music so much; it has helped me overcome many hurdles in my life, mostly when I have felt alone. However, in my opinion, relating (back) to the quote, there is nothing more calming than associating those beautiful sounds of nature with those beautiful images, such as sunsets, sunrises, mountain tops, seasonal changes, ocean views, and so on. On that note, I feel I should mention that is also why I am that person who lives for outside music festivals! I have been to multiple outdoor concerts in Wasaga Beach, Toronto, Guelph, Kitchener and I attend Boots and Hearts music festivals every summer! I love being able to dance, sing, and enjoy myself outside in the sun! 

(PERSONAL PHOTO: LOCATION: Boots & Hearts Music Festival, Oro-Medonte, Ontario. DATED: August 11th, 2017, 2:38 pm). 

(PERSONAL PHOTO: LOCATION: Boots & Hearts Music Festival, Oro-Medonte, Ontario. DATED: August 12th, 2018, 7:47 pm). 

(PERSONAL PHOTO: LOCATION: Bingemans, Kitchener, Ontario. DATED: September 8th, 2017, 7:56 pm). 

     Now moving onto nature in music, where is nature found in music? I believe nature is found in music naturally. It is located within talent, lyrics, music videos, and so on. I do not mean that nature is found in everything related to music; I just mean that there are deeper meanings behind the art of both music and nature. 

     One of my favourite songs to listen to within adventures outside is Sleep On The Floor by The Lumineers! This song reminds me of the saying, “seize the day.” The lyrics express how people move on to bigger and brighter things in life to fulfill their dreams. This song moves me in a certain way because I also feel that once I complete my degree, I will have to pack up my things and start my life outside Canada; an exhilarating but nerve-wracking experience! Also, if you have never heard of this song before, I will place a youtube link below in case you guys wanted to have a listen! :)

SONG LINK →  https://youtu.be/v4pi1LxuDHc (The Lumineers, 2016). 

QUESTION FOR YOU GUYS:

Have you ever thought to yourself why some of us sleep better through a thunderstorm or rainstorm? Or why some of us find calmness in nighttime playlists like rainforest sounds and ocean waves? Or why smells like lavender help some of us feel relaxed? There are just some things that are stronger together, and music and art are one of them. 

QUESTION → Do any of you use any of the examples I provided above to help you with anything? Whether that be for sleep or relaxation purposes. Let me know! I would love to see if I have some relatable followers :) 

References:

Beck, L., Cable, T.T., & Knudson, D.M. (2018). Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage (First Edition). Sagamore-Venture Publishing LLC. 

The Lumineers. (2016). Sleep On The Floor. [Recorded by The Lumineers]. On Cleopatra [YouTube]. Decca Division, Universal Music Operations LTD. URL: 

[anotherbeingsworld]

Maututine

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Casey Valentine) 

Book: Open Heart 

Word Count: 1826

Warning/Rating: *minor* Mentions of death/G.

A/N: Hi! I am back with a new fic, and its a fluffy one! Its a make-up for all the hearts I broke from my last fic (which I still feel bad for, but I loved all the feedback! Thank you!) I somehow insert some real-life events in this fic, I feel like.. its something, I want to write for a while. I lost my grandfather in 2016, and in this story, all those experiences and memories mentions below about him, is true. I just felt, I want to open that part of my life. I am not an open book, but somehow, it felt right to write about it in this fic. Its been 4 years, and writing this help me sort out my feelings for it. ( ended up getting emotional (indeed crying) writing it, but.. i feel happy writing it.) Hope it makes sense lol I hope all of you enjoyed it! (I know the gif aint related to the hospital, but... that’s the vibe I am looking for! // Also, the mentions of medical school is to refer to Casey’s character and they were some changes from the real life events that I did to fit the theme of the book, and Casey’s character.) 

Tags: @bitchloveskcbaseball​ ; @brycelahel​ ; @annekebbphotography​ ; @n-whas​ ; @dcbbw​ ; @jaxsmutsuo​ ; @lahellacute​ ; @mvalentine​ ; @mrsbhandari​ ; @soederberg​ ; @choicessa​ ; @aylamwrites​ ; @kacie-0156​ ; @storyofmychoices ; @lovealexhunt

LINK TO MY MASTERLIST

Maututine -  Of or relating to early morning; occurring in the early morning.

Edenbrook Hospital was quiet at 4, in the morning as her shift is finally done. An emergency had occurred earlier, which involving numerous victims from a fire. All of them managed to survive, as only a few of them had major injuries. Casey felt herself let out a yawn before making her way to a coffee vending machine that Dr. Ramsey shared with her and her colleagues after losing a bet that was made by June.

She inserts the amount of money needed and gets herself a cup of mocha. It was one of her comfort drinks. The heat from it jolts her awake, as she feels herself about to pass out in the middle of the floor. She took a small sip, as the hot beverage gives her an energy boost at that moment.

The hallways were quiet, as a few nurses were seen working. All of her roommates had gone back home since their shift ended earlier than hers. In her mind, she was debating on going back home, or perhaps stay at the hospital before the daily routine starts. As she was making her way back to the on-call room to get some rest, she bumped into a familiar face making her smile.

'Bryce!' She shouted from a distance as she makes her way to him.

His smile widens at the sound of her voice, he had slowed down his pace as she was catching up to him.

'Fancy seeing you here.' Bryce winks as Casey smiles from the comment.

'A long night as well?' She asked as she took another sip from her drink.

He nods, 'Carotid endarterectomy, remove the blockage from carotid arteries. It was a challenging one, but we all did it pretty well!' Bryce replied with a dash of excitement in his voice.

'I am proud of you, party boy.' Casey lets out a compliment as he raised an eyebrow from the comment.

'Is your head too big for another compliment Lahela?'

'Nah, my head is perfect. But, why so sudden?' He asked with full of curiosity in his voice.

'I just, with everything going on in our lives now; all the chaos and insanity. It’s good to see you happier, more in your element.' She took his hand and give him a light squeeze. He leans forward as he placed a small kiss on her cheek.

They walked together slowly, before Bryce's face had turned into a devilish smile that she knows all too well.

'I know that face, what are you planning?'

His eyes full of mischief, as he lets her on the idea.

'Let's change our view for a bit. I haven't seen sunshine in a few hours and honestly, there is a sweet spot to watch the sunrise.' Bryce spills the idea of earning an earnest smile from Casey.

'Colour me intrigued. Let's do it.' Casey agrees as they made their way to a set of staircases leading up to the hospital roof. They were stealthy, being as silent as possible to avoid any attention.

After a long five minutes of climbing up the stairs, they finally arrived at the infamous rooftop of Edenbrook Hospital. It was still dark, as the stars above them were shining. Both Bryce and Casey made their way to the edge as they took a seat on the cold tiles. They kept their pager with them, just in case of emergencies.

The environment around them was silent except for a couple of cars on the road, and the light from the city is their view for the night.

'This is a pretty sweet view.' Bryce said as his eyes darted everywhere from the rooftop.

Casey placed her drink down, as she took a deep breath inhaling the night air. It was calming and it somehow makes her smile. She felt herself scoot towards Bryce, as he was still observing the view. She makes her way to him and places her head on his shoulder.

He was startled, before pulling her into his embrace as he puts his arm around her.

'This is an amazing idea.' Casey said as their feet were a few feet above the cold pavement below.

'You are welcome, I am a man of ideas after all.' Bryce replied with a smug expression on his face.

She lets out a laugh before the silence took over once more. It was almost sunrise in Boston, as they decided to take a breather from their work. The silence was comforting, as they were charging their own energy with the environment around them until Casey speaks up.

'Let's play plead the fifth.'  Casey said excitedly.

Bryce smiles as he felt familiar with the game from a patient named Dakota, who invited him for a game before his major surgery.

'Lay it on me, Valentine.' His confident smile appears at her suggestion.

'All right. My first question, tell me a random fact about you.' Casey lets out a small smile earning a chuckle from Bryce.

'What is that about?'

'Nothing, I feel amused by all of this. To answer your question, I love to go on random walks in the evening at the beach back at home… It is one of the things that I missed about it.' Casey seems to be studying him before she nods in approval of the answer.

'What's with the look?'

'I just…never thought that you would be a 'enjoy the moment' type of guy.'

'Hey, I love to party hard… but, sometimes you just need to step back and get some real air.' Bryce explains as the noises below are getting louder, but it's still not loud enough to ruin their time.

'Hm, that is interesting. Maybe one day, you can take me to these places of yours? I would love to see it.'

He takes one of her hands and placed a kiss on her knuckles.

'Let's make it a trip soon.' He winks before they proceed on enjoying the view around them.

It was silent once again before it is his turn to ask.

'What do you regret the most in life..?'

Casey's eyes widen from the sudden question, but she knows… regrets live with her for as long as she lived. She went quiet earning a few 'I'm sorry' look from Bryce before she starts to speak.

'I have some regrets in my life, but one really stood out to me….' She starts before feeling the lump on her throat as she continues.

'It was when my grandfather passed away, four years ago. I remember, during medical school. I was studying for an exam and there is this phone call from my brother, Dan. He told me, he had passed away a few hours before. At that moment, I don't know how to feel. It is my first major loss in my life, and it's something that I will never get used too…' she went silent once more as Bryce quietly listens to every word she said with his hands held hers as comfort.

She lets out a breath she was holding before she continues on,

'I was super close to him, he is like one of the people who makes me happy. I remember going back home to visit him, and just… it brings a smile on my face honestly. He would always take me on his motorcycle and just, spoiled me rotten…'

Bryce lets out a chuckle at the comment.

'Who wouldn't want to spoil you? You must be an adorable kid.'

'Yes, I am proud to say; I am in fact adorable as a kid but as an adult.' She stops observing herself before saying, 'not so much.'

'You are beautiful Cas, I mean it… and you are adorable too especially when you smile.' Bryce replies as he took an imaginary picture of her in his mind.

She pulled him into a sweet kiss before she continues,

'As I was saying, he would often spoil me rotten with ice-cream, sweets, chips.. every kid's dream. It is really a wonderful time to be alive, and somehow… when I get older, we kind of lost contact. He would still take me out on a trip on his bike, and somehow he would be like… the best friend I never had…' Casey felt tears coming out slowly, as she continues.

'Take your time Cas..' Bryce calms her down by rubbing her back slowly as she regains her composure once more.

'We kinda lost contact, or maybe... I suddenly become distant towards him. Honestly, looking back… I really don't deserve him. I didn't even call when we visit; I would just shrug his invite by saying, 'I'm too busy', or just… I ignored it. I feel like a villain, and after he passed away, those memories really hit home. I just, I regret the way I act towards him, he didn't deserve it and….'

'I just… I wish we had more time together you know… its been four years and somehow, the regret is still there. I wished he knew, how much I really loved him before he leaves us.' She felt herself wiping the tears that have fallen down with her free hand.

'I am so sorry Casey, I shouldn't have asked if that's how it gonna go.' Bryce felt guilty for the question.

'No worries Bryce, I am okay. It's been four years and I think you deserve the right  answer for introducing me to this magnificent view.' She said as she squeezed his hands.

He showcased a wide smile, on his face as he said.

'For what it's worth, I think your grandfather knows how much you love him. He would be proud of the woman you become today. You are a badass doctor, and I know… he is cheering you on, smiling proudly at all you have become today. I am proud of you too Dr. Valentine.' Bryce said with a million-dollar smile on his face, as he looks at her with a proud expression on his face.

'It feels good to let this story out. You are an amazing listener.' She replies as she glanced at him in adoration.

'I am your boyfriend after all. It's a part of the whole package, including these guns.' He said gesturing his body as Casey lets out a laugh.

'Just shut up will you.' She said as she leaned forward, their lips meet as the sun starting to set behind them as a backdrop of their moment.

They pulled away as their pagers started to beep, bringing them to the real world.

'Duty calls. Let's go.' Bryce said as they stood up, making their way down the stairs. Casey stopped them in front of the metal door, earning a questionable look from him.

'Thank you for bringing me here, we should do it again sometimes.' Casey said before leaning forward once again.

'It's a date.' He replied with a happy expression as they walked hand-in-hand to start their new day together.

THE END.

A/N #2: Hii! I hope you all enjoy it!! Its one of my favs that I write (I love all of them lol, but this one hits home so.. its a top favorite of mine!) Thank you for reading it, it means a lot! Don’t forget to leave a like, reblog and leave a comment too! It really means a lot, and thank you for reading again! Hope all of you have an amazing day!! 💖

[sincerelyreidburke]

Taddy drabble!!!!!

Okay, remember this post from yesterday about how @hockeysometimes and I accidentally created 3 OC tadpoles for the frogs’ senior year? I accidentally ficced. And it got sort of long.

May I present, tadpole number one: Sebastián “Nando” Hernandez!!!! This started because I said, you know what, there should be a baby gay tadpole when Nursey and Dex are seniors and then they love and cherish him like their adopted child. Thus Nando was born. As promised, I’ll make a post telling you more about Nando and his fellow two tadpoles soon. For now, have this sickeningly soft random fluff, in which Nando comes across some gay shit going down at Annie’s between his captain and said captain’s assistant-captain-slash-best-friend.

Nando loves his classes.

He picked his schedule last spring, at the Samwell admitted students day, and, like, okay, he was a little nervous about it, because how are you supposed to pick classes for a major that determines your job for the rest of your life when you haven’t even graduated high school yet?— But. He did a good job. Because his freshman fall semester schedule is the shit.

Tuesdays are the best, and today is Tuesday, so his spirits are high. He gets out of Soc 101 at 10:30, and he has an entire, like, six hours before he even needs to start thinking about hockey practice. Hockey practice is one of the best parts of any day, by the way, because he gets to see his friends.

He can’t believe it. It’s the middle of October, and he still can’t believe it. Walking across Samwell’s main quad after class, he takes it all in. He’s really here. He’s really in college. He’s almost two thousand miles away from home, and he misses Mama and his sisters a whole boatload, but he’s here. He’s in college, and he’s studying sociology, and he’s playing D1 hockey, and he’s not sure he’s ever been happier.

He’s in such a good mood today, actually, that he thinks it necessitates Annie’s. He’s only been at Samwell for two months, but already he’s perfected his order. They make a mocha frappe with cinnamon that’s honestly the drink of the gods.

Okay, he reasons with himself. Annie’s it is. And then homework. Later. But first, Annie’s. He deserves this.

He’s going to gain his freshman fifteen solely because of Annie’s.

And then Dex will kick his ass. Nando isn’t scared of his captain, exactly; he’s been in enough settings with him to know that Dex is a really nice guy, and he’s been instrumental in welcoming Nando to Samwell. But he’s also seen him on the ice, fiercely debating linesmen on bad calls and getting in scuffles and doling out checks to the members of opposing teams with particularly hateful chirps. He’s a great leader. Nando just isn’t so sure he’d want to get on his bad side.

He just. He really wants to impress the seniors, okay? They’re, like, the coolest guys ever.

Nando reaches into his pocket for his phone, but there are no new messages. He checks his thread with his boyfriend, but Nate left him on read at 9:21 this morning and hasn’t gotten back to him yet— which he never used to do, really, not before Nando left for Samwell. He’s trying not to read into it too much. Nate is busy, after all. He’s at U of Arizona, much closer to home, doing big things. He doesn’t have as much time to text, and that’s okay.

Or— at least that’s what he’s been telling himself.

It’s okay. He tucks his phone away. Nate will get back to him eventually. Even though the gaps between his replies have been getting larger… and larger… and larger.

He knew coming to college with a long-distance boyfriend would be hard, but. Jeez.

His team doesn’t know about Nate. Not really. He would be lying if he said that his decision to come play for Samwell wasn’t influenced at least a little by Eric Bittle and the 2016-17 team, being in the news so much for the first openly gay NCAA captaincy. He was reading the stories before he even got his acceptance letter. He’s not sure he’s ever felt more inspired by another hockey player.

And besides, this is Samwell. It’s one of the queerest colleges in the country, on top of the hockey team’s reputation for acceptance. So really, he shouldn’t be afraid to tell his new teammates he’s gay.

It’s just. Hockey is hockey. And Eric Bittle graduated.

He has some surviving memories from, well, an entire childhood of being a queer, Latino hockey player, and it wasn’t a fun time.

He’ll get there. Eventually.

And besides, he tells himself, he isn’t worrying about that today. Today he’s going to Annie’s, and getting a frappe. The sun shines on his face, and the trees are turning every color.

It’s a good day.

*

Nursey loves his boyfriend.

For a number of reasons, but especially right now. He’s about three sweet-talking sentences away from getting Dex to share a bite of his French toast. They’re tucked into the corner booth at Annie’s— their booth, really; they’ve staked a claim to it every time they come here ever since they got back to campus for senior fall. It’s tiny, and barely spacious enough for two 6’2 hockey players to squeeze themselves into, but Nursey sits across from him and their knees press together under the table, and all is right in the world.

“Look, babe,” Nursey says, spreading his hands out on the table. “All I’m saying is, that little crust right there with the powdered sugar—” He points to the bite of toast in question on Dex’s plate. “I’ve got my eye on it.”

Dex rolls his eyes at him. There’s a smile on his freckly face, and in the warm light of the dining room, he’s every autumn color imaginable, fiery red hair to plaid, maroon button-down to amber eyes like pools of sunlight. For the past three years, Nursey spent his entire friendship with Dex trying to train himself not to stare, to rid himself of the wants for a boy he never thought he could have. This summer, that changed. Now he can have him, does have him— so he can look. Why not look?

Dex is a fucking catch.

He’s pointing with his fork toward Nursey’s own plate. All that remains of what once was there are a few whole-grain breadcrumbs. “I don’t know if you’d noticed,” Dex says, “but you had your own food.”

“Will,” Nursey groans. “I’m still hungry. I just want to taste it.”

Dex cuts into his last stack of toasts, and Nursey glues his eyes to them. Annie’s does French toast right— brioche bread with just the right amount of egg wash, pan-fried and then dusted with powdered sugar and drizzled with syrup. Nursey is pretty sure his mouth is watering.

And Dex is right. He did have his own food. But—

“It’s not my fault,” Dex continues, between bites of toast, “that you insist on getting hipster toast every time we come in here.”

Nursey puts a hand on his heart, like he’s been shot. “Dexy, avocado toast is part of my aesthetic.”

“Jesus Christ.” Dex sighs. “Why am I dating you?”

Nursey grins, rubbing his foot against Dex’s sneaker under the table. “Because you love me.”

Dex rests his cheek in one hand, and Nursey is suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to lean across the table and kiss each of his freckles, one by one. He watches Dex pass judgement over him, eyes lingering on him bemusedly, mouth curving up to the dimple on the left side of his face. For a few seconds, he’s quiet, and Nursey doesn’t break eye contact. He’s in love with that look in Dex’s eyes.

Then, finally, Dex stabs the crust Nursey has been eyeing with his fork, holds it across the table, and announces, “I hate you.”

“I know.” Nursey beams. Through the power of his charm, he’s getting exactly what he wanted. He knew it’d come to this, all along.

Dex feeds him the little nugged of powdered, syrupy crust, and it tastes just as overly sweet as the gesture is, and Nursey has never loved anything more. “Mmmm,” he groans as he swallows. “That shit is delightful. Thanks, baby.”

“You’re a sweet-talker,” Dex mutters, still grinning, as he returns to his plate to finish it off.

“But you fall for it,” Nursey points out. “Every time. So who’s whipped in this arrangement?”

“Both of us,” Dex replies. His cheeks are flushed pink, but his smile remains.

“I tend to agree,” Nursey says, then reaches for his free hand and takes it in his own. He pulls it across the table, then plants a kiss on each knuckle, plus one, two, three of his favorite freckles. Dex’s hand, like the rest of him, is covered in them. Nursey has written enough poems about them to fill a book.

In fact, he maybe feels one coming on right now. He tucks the idea into storage in his brain for later, when he’ll inevitably wind up scribbling all over a notebook in a pile of leaves outside the Haus for two hours before practice.

God, he fucking loves this place.

He presses Dex’s palm to his own face; Dex’s fingers curl into the touch and caress his cheek. “Ah, my Will,” he hums. “Where would I be without my stolen bites of your French toast.”

Dex points his fork at him menacingly. “Don’t even think about it,” he says. “That was your ration for the day. This is my breakfast.”

“Hey!” Nursey beams, still holding his hand to his stubbly cheek. There are callouses all over Dex’s fingers. Before this, before Dex, he didn’t think it was possible to fall in love with a pair of hands. “Did I say anything about asking for another piece?”

“No.” Dex mops up the last of his syrup with the very last piece of his toast. His eyes twinkle like the sunrise as he looks up at Nursey. “But I know you were thinking it.”

Nursey kisses the inside of his palm. “Rude.”

Dex laughs into his hand, smiling from ear to giant ear, and Nursey really fucking loves his boyfriend.

*

Annie’s is crowded.

It always is. Or at least that’s what Nando has inferred from his two months on campus. The line stretches almost, but not quite, to the door. He weighs the merits of long line versus mocha frappe— is it worth it?— but then watches two girls go by him holding their drinks, each with tall stacks of whipped cream atop them, and he decides, yeah. Definitely worth it.

So he waits in line. He should have texted Rhodey to ask if he wanted to come with him, but then again, Rhodey is still probably asleep. He’s pretty sure his roommate-slash-teammate is nocturnal.

The coffee shop is buzzing with students, a sea of maroon Samwell merchandise, groups of friends clustered around tables or piled into booths.

Nando grins at the scene. It’s such a postcard of college. Some are hunched over homework; others scroll through their phones or laptops, and still others are just talking, laughing, enjoying each other’s company. There are art kids, and jocks, and fierce academic types, and— oh, wait— is that Nursey?

Nando squints. Yes, it is! There’s no mistaking that green hat. It sits atop his teammate’s familiar head of undercut curls; Nursey is in the back booth, and he’s— oh! He’s sitting across from Dex.

Nando almost waves at his teammates, but a.) they’re not looking at him, and b.)... something he’s never seen before, he realizes, is happening.

Because the thing is, they’re not looking at him, but they’re not looking at anything else, either. In fact, their eyes are all each other’s, as they sit mere feet apart across the small booth. Dex is resting his cheek in one hand, looking across the table at him, and Nursey is beaming at him, eyes crinkled and face soft, like— like—

— like he’s looking at the love of his life.

Nando widens his eyes. All of a sudden, he feels like he’s seeing something he isn’t supposed to be seeing. Nursey says something to Dex, who rolls his eyes but smiles at the same time. He proceeds to fork something off of his plate and hand the fork across the table to Nursey, who eats the bite of whatever Dex is offering clean off without hesitation.

Nando blinks.

This looks gay.

Really gay.

His theories are confirmed when, a few seconds later, Nursey picks up Dex’s hand and kisses it several times. Nando looks away, lest he catch one of their eyes, but then again, it’s not like either of them seem to be planning to look anywhere but at each other anytime soon. His awkward aversion of his gaze only lasts a second, because when he sneaks a glance back at them, he has to marvel at how soft Dex looks— his cheeks are freckled and pink, and he looks so at ease with Nursey, like he has no other care in the world. It’s an extension of the dynamic Nando has already observed between them— they’re best friends, and he knows this. He just had no idea that they were more than best friends.

Nando pauses in line. Logically, he knew that Nursey was queer. He’s open about it, proud of it, and he gave Nando and the other tadpoles the no homophobic bullshit, this is Samwell, have your teammates’ backs speech on day one of preseason. It was a breath of fresh air for Nando, and he’s sort of been looking up to him ever since.

But Dex?

At the table, Dex has his hand pressed to Nursey’s face, like it’s a prized possession. Nando has never seen that soft smile on his captain before.

“Hey.” Someone nudges him, very lightly, in the backpack from behind. “Dude, you can move up.”

“Oh.” Nando snaps out of it— the line has moved on without him, and he’s left a gaping, empty space in the middle of it. “Sorry,” he says to the person behind him, and then steps forward.

He can still see Nursey and Dex from his new spot in line.

His stomach turns. He misses Nate, watching them together.

His phone still has no new messages, just Read 9:21 AM.

But here are Nursey and Dex, in plain sight at Annie’s, canoodling— there is no better word for it— with each other, being a couple, despite all the odds, all the stereotypes, everything everyone thinks hockey players are supposed to be. Here are his captains, the team leaders, seniors, sharing something that even in this brief glance Nando knows is precious beyond words.

He wonders, for a split second, if he should say something, the next time he sees them. Tell him he looks up to them. That he’s grateful to feel so safe here.

But watching them with their breakfast, he decides against it. He’s seeing this before they’ve chosen to reveal it to him, and that should happen on their own terms.

Nursey throws his head back in a laugh. Dex grins like he’s just won the Stanley Cup.

No, Nando won’t say anything. This is something too precious to intrude on.

For now, he smiles, and he waits in line for his frappe.

[florenc-ia]

These are my last reads, took me some time but oh well. Enjoy

Give Me Truths 110k

Louis is a psychology student with a tattoo count as high as his genius IQ. Harry is in a (sort-of) relationship with a homophobic man and hates himself a little more every day. Things fall apart and Louis puts him back together.

Or, the one in which Louis falls in love with a fragile boy and tells him every beautiful truth in the world, as long as it makes him happy.

chances under the purple sunrise 28k

“You’ve been taking my shoes?” Louis asked, scoffing. “I paid a lot for them!”

“How unfortunate for you.” Harry smiled bitterly. He peeked over Louis, eyeing the hook that still had the worm.

The red box was open right next to him. Harry saw that inside, it had a couple of transparent containers that were filled with worms, too. He eyed Louis skeptically before nodding. “Right. I’ll give you your, er…. little boats back if you let me have the tub of worms.”

A groan crawled out from Louis, his head falling back and his eyes landing up at the clear sky. “I need those.”

“They’re food for myself and others, not to be used as bait.”

*

Or the one where Harry is a merman, prince of the Atlantic Ocean, whose curiosity and healthy envy takes over him and he steals Louis' shoes every time he fishes.

Absolutely amazing it’s so beautiful and cute I loooooved it

Oh Glory 21k

Tomlinson looks Liam over, tilting his head. “Are you a swimmer as well?”

“Yeah,” Liam says, a little cautiously. Harry wonders if it’s Tomlinson’s fame or the unimpressed eyebrow that’s making Liam wary. “Distance, I’m doing the 1500m. Harry here’s a sprinter.”

“Ah,” says Tomlinson, turning his glinting eyes back to Harry. “So you’re not an endurance man.” A beat passes, and his grin grows, wide and filthy. "Shame."

Harry Styles is Team Great Britain's newest swimmer, and has spent his whole life training for this moment, a chance at the gold medal in the Rio 2016 Olympics. All his training, hard work, and dedication to no distractions is tested when he's assigned to the same Rio apartment as Louis Tomlinson, British gymnast and Harry's childhood crush.

Torn On The Platform 27k

AU where harry and louis are strangers but they always get the same train to work in the morning and one day harry falls asleep on louis’ shoulder. louis wants to be annoyed because harry just broke a least seven rules of tube conduct but he looks so soft and peaceful that he just lets him sleep and wakes him ever so carefully when it’s his stop. it happens again and again until it becomes a regular thing where louis will let harry snooze and then gently nudge him awake, hand him the cup of coffee he took from him so it wouldn’t slip and spill everywhere and send him off with a “have fun at work, love” and after the tenth time harry isn’t even embarrassed anymore.

In a sky full of stars, be my Northern lights 13k

It's one of those nights there's nothing on the telly that Louis absently scrolls through Tinder. After swiping left on a bunch of profiles he comes face to face with a picture that stops him in his tracks. The picture is..almost sweet. It’s a boy with brown curly hair, wearing a very low cut yellow blouse, paired with a black jacket. He’s got a smile on his face and his tongue sticking out, but it’s not in any way lewd or suggestive. He just looks like he’s having a good time, and something about the innocence of it has him swiping right rather than left.

He’s barely checked the other pictures on the boy's profile before Tinder confirms that he’s got a match. The shots are so different from the pictures Louis is used to on Tinder - half naked boys who are smoldering at the camera - that he can’t help but smile.

It quickly turns into a frown when he opens up the message he’s just received.

Harry: Hello!

Harry: Thank you for swiping right

Harry: I have a proposition for you

baby we could be enough (I’ll make this feel like home) 52k

“Did you clean the table?” Harry asks Louis once Rose is done speaking, now occupied with trying to see if she can reach over and touch Harry’s hair from where she’s sat. At Louis’ nod, Harry frowns. “You didn’t have to do that. You’re my guests here, I could’ve dealt with it later.”

Louis just smiles easily, though, adjusting Rose on his lap so that she’s facing Harry better. She manages to tug on a loose wave of hair, and she makes a noise of triumph that both Louis and Harry smile at.

“I don’t mind,” Louis murmurs to Harry, even though he’s looking at Rose. “This one here seemed very excited to talk to you.”

And, okay. Harry can’t help but think of how domestic this feels, all of a sudden.

[harry is a photographer who's trying to find his place. louis is a single father with a smile that feels like home.]

That’s How I Know 19k

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

Never Too Late 18k

Harry’s confused for a moment before it hits him: the little boy is signing. Harry squats down to get to the boy’s level again and mirrors the same action.

“Dad?” He inquires. Harry learned basic sign language after having met a fan who was deaf. He made it his mission to learn signing so that he’d be able to communicate with other fellow hearing impaired fans.

The little boy smiles brightly, his tears now long gone. He goes on to extend both hands, palms up as if he’s asking where? Followed by the previous sign which means Dad. Harry smiles to himself at the amazing little guy standing in front of him.

He stands up taking the boy’s hand, “Let’s go find your dad,” he tells him making the motion with his hand.

Just having come out of the closet and recovering from vocal surgery, famous recording artist Harry Styles needs to get away from LA to work on new music needing to prove to his label that his career isn't over. Little does he know that his life is about to change forever when he runs into an old friend at the city he's decided to escape to.

Truth Be Told (I Never Was Yours) 76k

Harry watches Louis as he scrunches up his nose and bites the end of a pen in concentration. He’s been working on seating arrangements for the past hour and getting more frustrated by the minute. Louis huffs out a breath and glances down at Harry with a soft smile on his lips before he returns to the task at hand. It’s easy, right then, for Harry to let himself believe that they’re planning a seating chart for their own wedding and bickering over who is going to sit where from a list of their own family members. He can let himself daydream about a white picket fence and a dog that they could have within the next year.

It’s like a cold slap in the face when Harry looks to the top of the page to see “Aiden and Louis Grimshaw” at the head table, and Harry has to mentally remind himself for the thousandth time that Louis is not his. Never was, really. He’s just the wedding planner that’s been in love with Louis since he was sixteen.

(or the one where Louis and Harry have a complicated past, Louis is getting married to someone that’s not Harry, and the universe has decided to have a laugh and make Harry the wedding planner.)

Even Angels Have Their Demons 53k

Louis is appointed the role of Guardian Angel, and his first mission is a boy named Zayn Malik. Unfortunately, it seems that a certain Demon has gotten to him first.

Or... an Angel/Demon AU where Angel Louis hates Demon Harry, but somewhere along the way that stops being so true.

Three French Hems 20k

In which Louis is a designer at Burberry and Harry spends December wearing Lanvin… and Lanvin… and Lanvin.

In Dreams 23k

AU. When Harry moves to a new city, his new flat come with a number of sweet, anonymous gifts and surprises that brighten his days. Could it be a friendly ghost? Another friendly presence in his new building is his tattooed neighbor, Louis, who seems determined to put a smile back on his face.

Say It Somehow 129k

Louis Tomlinson may be one of the most respected actors on the West End, but he's terrible at knowing how to act around Harry Styles.

The story of two people who find each other at just the right time, featuring first dates, sleepovers, heartbreak, lots of sex, baked goods, overpriced bedsheets, and musical theatre references galore.

A Darker Shade of Love 750k

Louis is a 30 year old multi-billionaire with a very dark past. He is violent and is a sadist with a taste for pain.

Harry Styles is a 19 year old student who sets out to London after being kicked out by his homophobic father to follow his dreams. He wants to go to the best University to study but he needs a lot of money so he starts to work as a part time stripper at a gay club to support his studies and his life.

The club he works at, Garland's, is part owned by Louis Tomlinson. When they meet, its life changing for the both of them.

Ok so this one has very sensitive content. It’s very well written but if you can understand this is all fiction then you’re good. Be careful reading it if you think you might get triggered

A Sea Without Water, A Compass Without Direction 84k

”Tell me, Louis,” Captain Styles said, leaning forward a little. ”D’you think I’m an idiot?”

”I—what?” Louis asked, surprised by the blunt question. He had expected something different, something along the lines of how he learned music, or how he ended up as a prisoner on the other ship.

”Do you think I’m an idiot?” The captain repeated, putting emphasis on each word as though Louis couldn’t understand him otherwise.

”Of course not,” Louis said, shaking his head. He’d be a fool for thinking such a thing, and an even bigger fool for saying it out loud. ”Captain.”

Captain Styles nodded slowly, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands in his lap. ”Then why did you lie to me?”

”L-Lie?”

”Out on the deck. You lied to me,” he said. He held up his hand, three fingers up.

”Three lies total. I hate liars.”

Waiting for the tides to meet 59k

Louis lets out a deep breath, thinking about Harry’s soulmate. Thinking about how Harry’s soulmate is probably as beautiful as Harry, some person that Louis cannot compare to, and how the universe has chosen them to be Harry’s. Fuck the universe. “Fuck you,” he calls out to the universe. He’s aware of how crazy he sounds.

Maybe he is crazy, with how he’s falling for Harry. And fuck that, too.

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

Featuring a lovely cup of OT5, a road trip down the coast, and a scene where Harry eats a whole head of lettuce. Don't ask why.

[ruluxe]

First Line Tag Game II

tagged by @spaztictwitch 

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening lines then tag 10 of your favorite authors.

Tagging Sam because if this is the only way to get more fic out of you then believe I’m gonna exploit it. Also @hadenxcharm @kuroosden bc I know there is more fic ya’ll are holdin out on us

1. Just the One [wip/shinoyama]: The news of Shino’s death devastates Yamagi and the conversation with Eugene he has afterwards doesn’t do anything to help ease the painful ache in his chest. [2017, Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron Blooded Orphans]

3. Beyond Event Horizon [abandoned/klance/past!sheith]: Bixby’s limit ends on a long and winding dirt road in the middle of nowhere with nothing but dry desert plains and mountains that pierce the sky in the far distance. [2016, Voltron Legendary Defender]

2. Grind the Dirt [marker/wip]: This isn't how it’s supposed to go, Marco thinks as Striker's tonfa clips the edge of his jaw and the taste of blood explodes across his tongue. His shoulder's been dislocated, his lips are cracked and bloodied and every bone in his body suddenly feels as fragile as glass. [2016, Gangsta.]

4. Anemones & Agony [wip/picture perfect verse!imahana]: The thing about rules is that they're made to be broken. At least, that's Hanamiya's defiant outlook on everything, rebellious in his form with every task he's made to execute. [2016, Kuroko no Basuke]

5. What the Night Knows [klance]: He comes to Lance in the still of night, when the entire ship is quiet save for the surprisingly soft whir of its engine. [2016, Voltron Legendary Defender]

6. Within Reach [aokaga]: As a child, Aomine had always been entranced by the stars in the sky. There were so many of them; so many constellations and far-off galaxies that always held endless possibilities for his imagination to run wild. [2016, Kuroko no Basuke]

7. Save the Last Dance [8059/yamagoku]: Weddings were never Hayato’s thing; the expectancy of socially interacting, having to keep the same false smile plastered on his face and having drunk girls asking him for dances he cannot refuse. [2016, Katekyo Hitman Reborn!]

8. My Dream Was Actually You [aokaga]: The crowd’s roars and cheers for their victory are deafening. So loud that Aomine can't hear the sound of his own heart thudding against his chest or the rush of adrenaline pounding in his ears. When he looks up at stands, he can see Satsuki giving him a thumbs up alongside Tetsu. It makes him roll his eyes but his mouth slides too easily into a grin nowadays. [2016, Kuroko no Basuke]

9. Tides that Bind [matsuhana]: Everything goes still. For a fraction of a second it’s like Issei is suspended in a timeless space, giving him a moment to stop and take a breath. The sun has begun to disappear into the ocean, the thin crest of orange light bleeding out into the purple sky, streaking it with hues of yellow. The clouds are still, cotton swirls of pink against the backdrop of serenity. The water beneath is calm and rippling shimmering gold tides that kiss the sand to the same tune of Issei’s breathing. [2016, Haikyuu!!]

10. Untitled [wip/aokaga/some kind of royal/medieval knight au]: It begins with the warmth of the sun beaming on worn bodies pressed against one another wrapped in unnecessarily extravagant satin. There are scars spread across skin, mapped out like fissures and crevices of ancient and forgotten battlefields. [2016, Kuroko no Basuke]

11. Untitled [wip/matsuhana/Purge au]: Takahiro has always marched to the beat of his own drum but today, March 22nd, he marches to the beat of the drums signifying the countdown to commencement. [2016, Haikyuu!!]

12. If the World Fell at Our Feet [iwaoi]: The atmosphere is dry and static-charged like a spark at any given time would set the air aflame. The wind picks up, kicks sand into a hurricane that spins across the baron wasteland. It smells of heat and sulfur and iron like a volcano on the verge of eruption. [2016, Haikyuu!!]

13. Home for the Holidays [zhanyi]: Zheng Xi once read somewhere that the warmth and joy of Christmas brings people closer to each other. He's always been close with his family, so he's never really known what it feels like to be alone on Christmas, never known the true depth in the meaning of those words. [2016, 19 Days]

14. Saying Goodbye [zhanyi]: He smells nice. It's a thought Jian Yi shouldn't be having — not now — not when he's trying to forget, not now when he's asking for forgiveness and forgetfulness from the boy that holds him in an embrace that Jian Yi has already etched deep into his memory. He smells nice and he's warm. [2015, 19 Days] 

15. The Most Beautiful Sight [wip/sourin]: Sousuke's back is to him when he enters the waiting room; the large hospital window and the glow of the rising sun frames him in an almost holy divinity. From Rin's vantage point, Sousuke looks like he's staring out at the sorbet streaks of the early morning sky contemplating their existence. Rin knows that Sousuke doesn't see the beauty of the sunrise, he's likely brooding, trying to mask the nervous fret that has noticeably drawn tension in the other's shoulders. [2016, Free!]

16. Simplicity [saigenos]: The gold of Genos' eyes flicker under the dim flood of the orange street lamp. They seem to almost glow through the fog like headlights, and Saitama finds himself staring — but admittedly that's all he can do right now. [2015, One Punch Man]

17. Don’t Need an Excuse [aokaga]: “Hey… Tai.” “Yeah?” Aomine pauses his game and glances over his shoulder. Kagami’s lying on the couch absorbed in an article he’s reading in a magazine. He’s chewing on his bottom lip the way he does when he’s concentrating. He sounds a million miles away. “I love you.” This gets Kagami to shut his magazine, turn his head in Aomine’s direction, enough for Aomine to see the look of perplexity scribbled across his face. “What did you do?” [2015, Kuroko no Basuke]

18. In the End, It’s Enough [aokaga, past!/unrequited!aokise]: It's not as warm in the stadium as Kise had thought it would be when he slips through the heavy doors quietly as not to disturb the audience. The screeching of rubber against laminate echoes through the space as do the bellowing voices of the players on the court. It's been a while since he's been to one of these games. [2015, Kuroko no Basuke]

19. Entwined [marker]: It seems fitting that things would end like this; Striker can't say he expected any other outcome. The heat of Spas' breath at his cheek is fading, each billow of breath gets more shallow with each exhale. Striker's limbs are starting to give out, he can feel the exertion in his legs as they struggle to keep him and Spas' added weight upright. The warmth of the other's blood seeping through his skin is comforting; his own beginning to congeal in the corners of his eyes and along the line of his nose. The sharp tang of metal is all Striker can smell, even with his nose pressed to Spas' skin. [2015, Gangsta.]

20. The Game [galahau]: The ropes aren't tight enough to cut into his wrists, but they burn friction along his skin when he struggles against his restraints. Galahad watches Hausen with bated breath, watches as the other drags a lube-slicked finger down the length of his cock. 

WAY LONGER THIS TIME OOPS also, here... I noticed that my writing style is so fucking inconsistent :’)