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Episode 3.1 Transcript: The One Thing in the Galaxy God Didn't Have Her Eyes On

[Good Omens GarageBand theme song plays]

C: Hello! My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show too many times…

G: And I, someone who only knows this show through Crystal, discuss every single episode of Good Omens.

C: For today’s episode, we are discussing Season 1, Episode 3: “Hard Times.” What if we all just died forever and ever? [laughing]

G: God! Literally, what if we just all cancelled all of our appointments, and just wailed at this time for eternity. "Eternity!" as Crowley would say. [C laughs]

C: Indeed! What if we just ran out into the streets and rent our clothes publicly? [G laughs] Like, what if we did whatever besides any of the things? [screams] Oh, okay, well. This was an episode of TV show!

G: Well, context first, I guess. We have to- we have to. So we we record every Sunday.

C: Yeah. Wow, that's so Biblical of us. [G laughs] Sunday morning, so this is our church.

G: [laughs] No, it's Sunday night for me so, this is like, Aziraphale and Crowley drinking at the bookshop levels of divinity for me. We recorded Sunday. And then, immediately after, I watched Episode 3. And I promptly completely lost it. [both laughing]

C: As I hoped you would.

G: No but, the thing is, it was Sunday, and literally like, I finished watching around 1AM. And the entire time I was thinking, "Oh, well, should I rewatch it? Should I rewatch it? [laughs] No, I shan't. Like, that's too- that's too much! I should just calm down and try to sleep. I have classes tomorrow." And then, like, I slept at 3AM. I woke up at 5AM literally shaking. [C laughing] I was shaking. I was like, "Oh my god! Oh my god!" And then, like, at around 9AM, I was like, "I have to do it." And then I just ended up watching it again. [C laughs] And that was the state of being I was in, like, almost- not almost. Every single day, I watched at least the first 30 minutes of this episode [laughs] for the entirety of this week.

C: Yeah. As you should

G: And like, at some point I was like, "I'm just going to watch the Soho scene of Aziraphale saying, 'You go too fast for me Crowley'"-

C: No, don't!

G: On repeat on YouTube over and over again for like, an hour. [laughs] So yeah. It's truly- it's truly been an eventful week for me, but the only event is this.

C: Yeah, yeah. And I guess, I mean, from my POV, it's just, we record episode 2. You're like, "Good show. Don't know how invested I am in them as a romantic couple." [G laughs] And I like, go shaking and trembling through my day like, waiting for you to watch Episode 3, and I don't have to wait very long. About like, five minutes in, you send me, "I get it now. They're gay as hell," and I can breathe easy. Except I'm also not breathing easy because I've watched this episode this week, so instead, I am screaming, shaking, crying, tossing about in my bed at all hours.

G: What is all this? Literally, what's all this? What's all this, then? [both laughing] That's my main question. What the fuck is all this then?

C: They weren't gonna have a Season 2! This was just gonna be- like, they were gonna never kiss, and this is just gonna be here!

G: I doubt it. I doubt it! Like, Neil Gaiman must have been like, "No, we're gonna have a Season 2!"

C: I don't think so. Like, he wrote all of this like, way back when.

G: Oh, yeah, there's a 20-something scriptbook or whatever.

C: There's a script of Episode 1 from 2015, and there's a slightly updated scriptbook that he has sold. [G breathes shakily] I don't think that he was planning to make a Season 2 until after Season 1 was released and it made so much money, so. Well. I still wish he hadn't made a Season 2, even after all this. [G laughs]

G: I have to read the fucking Good Omens-

C: Synopsis.

G: Synopsis. Yeah, okay. So the synopsis for Season 1, Episode 3: "Hard Times" is, "First, a walk through history looking at Aziraphale and Crowley's friendship down through the age. In the present, Anathema unwittingly befriends the Antichrist, and the two celestial friends put their agent to work finding the boy, unaware that it's the same agent."

C: Uh-huh. And then they broke up. But I guess that wouldn't be in the synopsis. [both exhale]

G: Well, let's start. We need not delay it further.

C: Mm-hm. So we start back in Eden, 4004 BC. And I guess before, I was saying the Apocalypse was happening in 2019. I can't do math. It's in 2016. That's 4004 BC plus 6000. But yeah. So we return to Aziraphale before(?) he's met Crowley or after, I can't tell. Can you tell?

G: This is after. This is after.

C: Okay, after.

G: Yeah. Because I feel like if it was before, Aziraphale would have mentioned that the Almighty has asked about the sword. But like, that, conversation comes in Mesopotamia, so I'm ssuming this comes in between the first ep meeting and this.

C: That's true. That sounds correct.

G: You know what I mean.

C: Yeah, yeah. I get what you mean. Okay. And the fact that this opens on Aziraphale sort of establishes all the flashbacks as being from Aziraphale's point of view [G exhales], and sort of this whole episode as well, so that's fun.

G: Yes! Yes! We barely see Crowley- well, not barely, but you know what I mean.

C: Episode 1 was like, definitely [both] Crowley point of view because we see her get the baby, and then, like, do all the nun swap shit. So yeah, we're switching it up.

God like, shines her light over him and asks him where the sword is, and he goes, "Uh-huh. Oh yeah. Big, sharp, cutty thing. Uh... I must have put it down here somewhere." [G laughs] And then the light disappears, and then he continues going, like, "Forget my own head next." And then he notices that God has already left, and he goes, "Oh dear!" So the thing is like, he lied to God.

G: He literally straight-up fucking lied.

C: Like, that's what Adam and Eve got kicked out for! [both laughing] Like, he just watched Adam and Eve be so funny, and he decided to be hilarious. It's just so- like, okay, it's not necessarily what Adam and Eve got kicked out for. Like, they probably just got kicked out for eating the apple in the first place. But I guess my interpretation of Genesis 3 has always been like, God asking like, "Where are you?" after like. Admin Eve had hidden themselves was like, a chance at redemption or something.

G: Yeah. I mean, that's also the vibe with Cain and Abel, right? Like, it's like, the real straw on the camel's back with Cain and Abel is God asking Cain, like, "Where's your brother?" and him going, [overlapping] "Am I my brother's keeper?" It's still lying. Like, that is very much like, you can interpret it as the "chance of redemption but you didn't do it, so now you're off to be cursed forever."

C: Yes. Right. So Aziraphale lies to God.

G: Hell yeah!

C: God like, doesn't even stick around after like, his first lie to hear the rest of it.

G: [laughing] She was like, "It's Crover. Aziraphale has already lied."

C: [laughing] She literally was like, "It's Crover." But yeah, okay, so why did he do it? Like, was he so like, just worried in the moment that he was just like, "I'm about to commit the sin of all time, and also the only sin that's happened so far-" though I mean, I guess the demons Fell already. So there was other shit. But like, yeah. why'd he do it?

G: Well, he was feeling silly and goofy.

C: He sure was feeling silly and goofy. Okay, God like, knows he lied, but he doesn't Fall or anything. Like, what- Why did She ask? And why didn't She do anything when he lied?

G: Those are interesting questions. I don't really know how to answer them.

C: Yeah. This was a test of some sort. But like, maybe he passed the test?

G: Yeah. Well, She's ineffable, as we constantly hear.

C: Yeah, but this seems sort of like he passed the test if She didn't do anything about it. Because it's like, "Oh, well, I need an angel stationed on Earth to watch over the humans. Like, I was just like, super mean to them, but like, maybe I want someone who believes in them or like, will protect them over their faith to me in like, moments of need." Like, maybe he passed.

G: Yeah. Maybe he did pass.

C: Yeah. But he doesn't know he passed, which gave him an anxiety disorder for the rest of time which is ruining my favorite character's life [G laughs], so God should have been a better communicator.

G: This is true!

C: Okay, book fact: The way that this appears in the book is that-

G: Wait. I thought you said the flashbacks are not in the book.

C: Yes, the flashbacks are not in the book, but this information is conveyed to us in the book that this exchange happened. And the way that it happens is that Aziraphale was like, across the street from a printing press that did Bibles and shit, and one of these, like, the early practices of this printing press was that they would hang their proofs out to dry, and then passersby could correct typos and things. And Aziraphale went over to their pages of Genesis, and he wrote this out on there. And that conveys a very different vibe than Aziraphale in the show because that means that book Aziraphale was like, "I'm proud of this happening. And I want everyone know. I want these Bibles to be printed to have this scene of an angel lying to God and getting away with it [G laughing] right after Adam and Eve and the serpent all get fucked to hell about it."

G: Hell yeah.

C: Like, [laughing] what did he mean by that? It can't just be like a "nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh, I got out of it, and you didn't get out of it." Like, I mean this feels like he's fully encouraging people who read this to give disobedience a go and see if they get lucky.

G: Maybe after years and years and years, he started to think of it the same way you did. That maybe it was the right thing to do.

C: Yeah. I think that that's true of book. Aziraphale. Especially because the way the writing goes is like, there's no Aziraphale going, "Oh, dear!" or saying like, "Big, sharp, cutty thing." He's a lot more assertive in the book. He just- well, he still is nervous, but he says, "I had it here only a moment ago. I must have put it down somewhere. Forget my own head next," and then the next line in the Bible thing is, "And the Lord did not ask him again." And that's just the end of Genesis 3 in this version of the Bible being printed.

G: I wuv it.

C: So like, there's no like, light leaving. There's no whatever. It's just like, "And the Lord did not ask him again."

G: Hell yeah.

C: Hell fucking yeah. And also, this was the same printing press that tried to print Agnes Nutter's book of prophecies, so like, it's like, the same time period as the witch burning [G laughing] that he was like, "I'm gonna tell everyone that I lied to God."

G: I was imagining, like, 1800s, you know, but this is way funnier!

C: Nope. They were burning witches, and he was telling everyone to go fucking lie to God and that he was proud of it.

G: No!

C: God! Book Aziraphale's so hot. Anyway.

G: Yes. Well, we proceed to a thousand years later in Mesopotamia.

C: A thousand whole years later! Have they even seen each other since then? It doesn't seem like it.

G: No! Because the first thing Crowley asks is, "What happened to the flaming sword?"

C: Right, right. So this is them picking up their 1000 years ago conversation.

G: Yeah. So at the beginning of each era, we're going to do like, a looks evaluation. And in general, Aziraphale doesn't really change much, looks-wise.

C: He changes a decent amount. But his hair is always exactly the same.

G: His hair is always exactly the same except for when he gets sideburns later. But like, in general, [laughs] he looks the same, you know? It's Crowley who, like, really transformed every iteration.

C: Yeah, she really walk walk fashion baby-s her way through the millennia.

G: Yeah! I think the song for Crowley is, in fact, "walk, walk, fashion, baby," and the song for Aziraphale is "he's living in a material world, and he is a material girl." This is so fucking true for me.

C: I don't know I've ever heard those songs. I think I only know the lyrics 'cause they're referenced in textposts.

G: You don't know "Material Girl"?

C: No. I know "Immaterial" by SOPHIE. I think that's enough material songs to know. [G laughs]

G: Well, all you have to know about material girl is Aziraphale is one.

C: Got it.

G: Yeah. So we're in Mesopotamia. Crowley shows up, in the most beautiful voice goes, "Hello, Aziraphale." [laughs] I am so enamored by Crowley, and I think it is hugely because this is Aziraphale POV episode, and so we see Crowley from Aziraphale's perspective.

C: And they're just like, way hotter now to you because of Aziraphale thinking they're so hot?

G: Yeah, I think so. [laughs]

C: I think that this is just what Crowley's like 'cause they're my special little princess. But yeah.

G: Crowley asks about the sword and Aziraphale says, "She's never mentioned it again. So..." This sword definitely will be relevant. I am sure of it.

C: Yeah. Maybe it's already been relevant.

G: Has it? Okay. Well, as they talk, it is revealed that this is when Noah's ark happens, so it's The Great Flood and everything. So right now, all the animals and all of Noah's family and blah blah blah are being loaded up to the ark, and in explanation of this, Aziraphale says that "God's a bit tetchy," which I have viciously added to my vocabulary.

C: Tetchy's a great word.

G: Tetchy. Yeah, I love it. And so She's sending a big storm. Crowley's asks if everyone is going to die, and Aziraphale says, "No, just the locals. God's not angry with the other people of the world."

C: "God's not upset with the Chinese." But as you, Grey, said, if God's not upset with the Chinese, why am I suffering so much right now?

G: No, for real. If God isn't upset with the Chinese, Aziraphale and Crowley should have kissed by the end of Season 1 and not in a miserable Season 2.

C: Exactly.

G: Crowley looks around and sees children, and-

C: Specifically, he sees goats and children-

G: [laughing] Oh yeah! Oh my god!

C: - goats and children in the same shot.

G: No, that's funny as hell because the next line is, "Not the kids. You can't kill kids." and it could very well may be the goats.

C: [laughs] Exactly! Okay. So the thing about this scene is, I think, [laughing] the first time I cried while watching this episode, when Crowley says that line. Just, okay. She's been here for 1000 years right? Like, they were here before childbirth.

G: Way before.

C: Yeah, they like, were here before humanity. They were here before Eve. They were here before Eve gave birth and like, before they like, witnessed Adam and Cain in some way which, like, is in a lot of fanfictions. Go check them out. And-

G: Who the hell is Adam and Cain?

C: Sorry, Cain and Abel. [G laughing] I don't give a shit.

G: Okay, okay. Anyway.

C: And like, yeah, okay, he's been here for a thousand years, and in that time, like, he's learned to love children more than any other thing on earth. Because, like, someone asked Neil Gaiman, "What is Crowley's favorite animal?" And he replied, "Kids." And that works so well, 'cause like, children do ask questions all the time and are disobedient and like, irreverent, and like, of course Crowley would like that. And yeah. I don't know. It's so, so good. Also, if you wanted to read a kidfic- a book fic that is a kidfic is "A Glittering Instrument" by malicegeres, and it's about Crowley having a daughter, and everyone should read it.

G: Crowley points out that this is all so horrible, and it feels more hellish than it does heavenly. And Aziraphale's like, "Yeah, but, you know, the Almighty is going to put up a 'rain bow' [both laugh] after all this, so it's not that bad." And the words "rain bow" has been playing in my head constantly since I watched this episode. And he almost says, like, Aziraphale almost says, you know, "God's plans are-" and Crowley goes, "Are you going to say ineffable?" And that stops Aziraphale from saying it. And, you know, it's just Crowley pointing out that like, "Isn't this all so horrible?" and blah blah blah. Anyway, a unicorn runs away [laughs], which I thought was funny. And yeah, it starts raining. RIP.

C: Okay. So I would say that Crowley does point out, but I think Aziraphale knows the whole time like, that it's fucked up.

G: Yeah.

C: I don't think he means a single thing that he's saying out loud. Like, in the scriptbook, they have taken out a line where Aziraphale's like, "Oh, I really shouldn't be telling you this because you're a demon, but-" before he goes into the explanation of the Noah thing, and even before that happens, he's like, wringing his hands and like, pinching his mouth and stuff, and it's like when Crowley arrives, I feel like he's so relieved that he can finally tell someone who he knows will be sympathetic about this.

G: Yeah.

C: 'Cause he can't tell the humans 'cause like, he can't. And he can't talk to Heaven about it because all of them are like, "This is great. What do you mean?" And like, he sees Crowley, and he's like, "I haven't seen this person in a thousand years, but like, he thought that God was punishing the humans too much when She kicked them out of Eden, so like, this is like, maybe the one person I can talk to who will go like, 'No, you're not crazy. This is fucked up.'" And like, Aziraphale won't voice that out loud himself, but he is like, giving Crowley ins to just like, criticize God out loud, so that Aziraphale can just like, have that around. [both] Yeah. And also, I think Aziraphale also says, "Crowley, you can't judge the Almighty" before the "God's plans are ineffable thing," which I guess is gonna be relevant when they break the fuck up. [laughs]

G: Yeah. I mean, a repeating thing that Crowley says in the St. James's Park in the breakup scene is that, like, he says, "We have a lot in common, you and me." And then later, he goes like, you know, "It's our side. We're more similar" and like, etc etc. And this is very much like, "Oh, this is where it starts," you know? Like, they are more similar [laughs] than Aziraphale would care to admit.

C: We cut to- I have no idea how to pronounce this. Golgotha? Golgotta?

G: I think it's Golgotta. The thing is, little aside about the name, I was actually surprised that they usde the word Golgotha because in every prayer, every like, gospel, every station of the cross that I've ever been to, attended anything, it's always Calvary. It's never Golgotha. Ad like, I know, the word Golgotha, but like, it is constantly always Calvary. And then like, sometimes there's an aside of "aka Golgotha," you know. So when it showed up, and I was like, "Huh! That's interesting. What are the difference between those two words?" And Golgotha is an Aramaic word, and Calvary is Latin. I don't know what the implications of that are. I really don't. I just like- it caught my attention and I thought it was interesting.

C: Which one came first or whatever?

G: I don't know what language came first but I think I am to assume that the Golgotha is what they called it there, and Calvary is kind of like, the translation to Latin.

C: That makes sense. Interesting. So we're in Golgotha, 33 AD, which means it's been 3037 years since the last scene. [G exhales loudly] That's half the lifespan of the earth. What the hell? Do we think they've seen each other since? Probably. In fact, yes, so.

G: Wh- is that a spoiler? Or like, does it happen later, or- Okay, well, whatever. But I do think that they've seen each other before this. But there's no like, proof in this episode. It's just vibes to me.

C: Yeah, it is just vibes. Right, so their looks. Aziraphale’s wearing like, a turban and white robes, and Crowley has like, black robes on, and sort of like, a looser, like, scarf as like, a hood over her face. And it is confirmed by Neil Gaiman, and also just people studying their clothing styles that, like, Crowley is female-presenting in this scene, and that does make me crazy and insane. So yeah. God. Good for her.

G: Crowley looks so good in this scene. Can I just say that, like, I'm sorry, Jesus. [both laughing] I know you're being crucified right now. But have we considered that Crowley looks so good in this scene?

C: While you were spreading your arms, I was spreading my legs, etc, etc.

G: No, for real. Yeah! [C laughs]

C: But yeah, okay. And also, like, her hair looks really good. Because I feel like in earlier ones, like, I feel like, I've heard people describing her earlier hair looks as like, "hair just got invented." Like, the wig isn't that great.

G: Literally- do you know that post that's like, "After trans people start presenting like, more masculinely or femininely or whatever, like, give them some leeway because they're just figuring this shit out. Like, you didn't have perfect hair in middle school, so fucking let them be. Let them figure it out." That's how I feel about Crowley in the beginning. Like, literally, let her figure it out!

C: Yeah, yeah. But here, her hair is like, beautiful and wavy.

G: It's been figured out.

C: Yeah, it just looks very, very nice. Very groomed.

G: Yeah. It's like, swooped a little bit to his side. Ah! So nice!

C: Yeah, yeah. Hello! Aziraphale's watching the crucifixion, and Crowley comes up to him and asks, like, "Oh, you've come to smirk at the poor bugger, have you?" And Aziraphale's like, "What? No. Why?" and Crowley is like, "Well, you- like, Heaven did this." And Aziraphale goes, "I'm not consulted on policy decisions." [laughs] Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. Also, like, I don't know. It's nice that Crowley is like- that both of them are hurt a little bit during this conversation. Like, both of them care about Jesus a lot or whatever.

G: Yeah.

C: Aziraphale calls her "Crawly," and she says, "Oh, I've changed it. Crawl just wasn't really doing it for me. It's a bit too squirming at your feet-ish." And she says that her name is now Crowley, and [laughs] I think I started crying again [G laughs] 'cause I love trans people so much. Like, the fact that this is like, her first female-presenting form coinciding with her first name change is really really nice. It's really nice.

G: Yeah! I know, yeah.

C: And- tell me more about your name, babygirl? Like, is it because of like, crows like the animal like? Do you like those? Like, what's up? I would like to hear. Aziraphale proceeds to get to deadname Crowley for like, 500 years after this.

G: [laughs] I know.

C: But you know. We'll get to that. [both laugh] [both] God. They talk a bit about Jesus, and Crowley says that, you know, "He seemed a very bright young man," and she showed him all the kingdom of the world just because his travel opportunities are limited, and she wanted to give him a shot at that. You're Catholic.

G: Hell yeah.

C: Wasn't it the devil or something who did that? Who did that?

G: I think it was the serpent in the garden of something.

C: Oh, okay. So this is just her continuing her role.

G: Yeah, like, Jesus prays for a bunch of days in a garden, and the serpent comes in and is like, "Ooh." I think maybe that was it. I may be completely fucking wrong, but you know.

C: Okay. I thought that the tempting Jesus was like, part of what God wanted. Was it just like, a solo policy decision on Hell's part? I don't know. They have like, a joke thing that I thought it was boring, who give a shit, that was just like, Crowley being like, "What was it he said that got everyone so upset?" "Oh, it was 'be kind to each other.'" "Oh, yeah, that'll do it." Okay, man. Whatever. Who give a shit?

G: [laughs] That's not what Jesus said! But okay.

C: [laughs] That's not what Jesus said. He would not fucking say that.

G: [laughing] I mean, he would probably say that, but that's not the reason why he got crucified. Come on, man!

C: Yeah.

G: We go to Rome.

C: Only eight years later!

G: Eight years later, yeah. And [laughs] this is a scene.

C: Okay, yes, but outfit review first, right? Okay, they're both in togas, right? I have two notes about the togas. First, Aziraphale's a crew neck and Crowley's is a v-neck in the draping, so like, eternal slut since like, 25 BC- or, sorry, no, we're already in AD, so-

G: [laughs] The notes are fucking wrong.

C: - eternal slut since 41 AD. Secondly, like, they both have clasps on their togas, and Aziraphale’s is like, an angel wing, and Crowley has, like, a black- or sorry, a silver snake clasp that's also sort of shaped like the letter omega.

G: Hell yeah.

C: So. Something to think about.

G: [laughs] Make of that what you will.

C: Make of that what you will.

G: Yeah. So in here, Aziraphale is at a tavern in a table playing some like, stone game by himself when he overhears Crowley by the bar, ordering "a drink." Any drinkable thing.

C: With the worst hair that he's ever had.

G: Well... Well, "ever had," but I think he gets worse hair later. It well may be.

C: Huh! Interesting. I think I am a big fan of the Rome hair because of how stupid it looks, but one cannot refute that it looks really stupid.

G: I love it.

C: It's just like, David Tennant's regular hair, like, close-cropped, but like, they've just like, glued ringlets, like, around at the bottom. Like, there's not even a blent-

G: You know what I want to say?

C: What?

G: I think the worst hair Crowley's ever had is his hair in 2019.

C: [laughs] For real!

G: So miserable.

C: God. Grow that thing out again or so help me god. He gets even worse hair in Season 2.

G: No! Well, sad! But yeah, Aziraphale is so excited to see him!

C: I know.

G: He is so excited. And, you know, he approaches him and then goes, "Fancy seeing you here! Still a demon?" which is so, like, "Do you come here often?" [C laughing] Okay. He literally- this is flirting. They're flirting. Am I delusional? I don't think I am.

C: Well, first, he deadnames him.

G: Oh, yeah, that's true! [laughing] Peak flirting.

C: Well, at least he self-corrects. Yeah, he goes, "Crawly? Sorry, Crowley. Fancy running into you here."

G: He doesn't bother to do it later.

C: Yeah. He doesn't. What's wrong with him? It's been 8 years, and I understand that time works on a different scale for them, so like, I'll let this one go, but 500 years later? [both laugh] Girl.

G: No, it's funny, because, like, at the beginning of this scene, Crowley seems like, a bit pissed off. Like, he's like, snarky and all that, 'cause, you know, Aziraphale asks, like, "Oh, still a demon?" and he goes, "Oh, what kind of stupid question is that? What else am I going to be? An aardvark?" like, he's very snarky, and it's not delivered in a kind, comedic way. Like, he's like, irritated. Aziraphale, completely unfazed by the snark. And he asks, like, "Oh, are you gonna be in Rome long?" And Crowley goes like, "Oh, I'm just here for a quick temptation." And Aziraphale volunteers the information that he is here to have some oysters in Petronius's new restaurant and that Petronius does remarkable things with them. And Crowley goes, "Oh, I've never had one." And Aziraphale [C screams quietly] goes, "Oh. Well, let me tempt you-" and Crowley, like, does a dramatic turn of the head at him.

C: Yeah. And they look so amused. There's such a fond smile on their face.

G: Yeah! Like, Aziraphale very coyly goes, "Oh, wait! That's your job, isn't it?" And Crowley, like, softens up. And, you know, because he was snarky earlier, but this comment makes him smile a little bit, and they smile. [laughs]

C: They are going to fuck each other so raw and so hard. [G laughs]

G: It is so wild to me that they literally were like, Aziraphale literally was like, "Hey, I want to eat the most notoriously aphrodisiac food there is," and Crowley's like, "Never had it." And Aziraphale's like, "Oh, wait. Let me tempt you." Hello? Hello? Is anyone here? [C laughing] Is anyone here? [C screams] They're literally- it's crazy. As I said earlier, this was the scene where I was like, "I get it." And unbeknownst to me, I will get it further later on. But at this moment, I already did get it.

C: Yup. Yup. You sure did get it so raw and so hard.

G: [laughs] Yeah.

C: So we cut to Wessex, 537 AD.

G: Isn't it Wuhssex? I don't know.

C: I have no fucking clue. Sure. It's Wuhssex. Why not? Probably.

G: I'm so sorry, British people. Is this in England? I don't know.

C: I don't- Yeah. King Arthur, right? So yeah. Okay. Aziraphale is slaying. He's in like, this silver armor thing, and he's wearing like, this white cape with like, fur on the shoulders, and like, he looks great. Crowley's outfit later is just like, regular black armor, no embellishments that I could see. Like, this is like, maybe the one century where Aziraphale looks better than Crowley does outfit-wise.

Yeah, he's here to meet the Black Knight, and like, one of Crowley's like, henchpeople sort of beckons him forward, and then Crowley shows up, and, like, is all dramatically like, "You have sought the Black Knight, foolish one. But you have found... your death." [G laughs] And Aziraphale's immediately like, "Hey, is that you under there?" But, specifically, he goes, "Is that you under there, Crawly?" And Crowley, at this transphobia, takes his entire helmet off and goes, "Crowley!" [laughs] Which is so-

G: He is just like me for real.

C: Yeah, he is just like me for real.

C: One more thing, Heaven refers to Crowley as Crowley in the present day, right? So like, I really wanna like, see the episode where like, Aziraphale finally, is like, "Okay, I've gotten used to the new name," and, like, goes up to Heaven and tries to register Crowley's name change with them [G laughs] without revealing that they're friends. Gabriel's like, "Okay. So like, they're using a fake name, 'cause like, they're on Earth doing trickery." And Aziraphale's like, "No, it's like- they seem like they were like, really into this one, like, for real though." [both laugh] And it's just that back-and-forth for like, an hour.

G: Aziraphale's like, "No no no, it was Crawly that was the ruse [C laughs] and Crowley is the real name." Like, he would do that.

C: Exactly! Exactly! "In his wiles, he had Heaven record the wrong recording so he could hide from us better." Yeah. So, you know, they start talking a bit, and Crowley says that he's here to spread foment, fomenting dissent and discord, whereas- I mean, Aziraphale says, "What is that? Some kind of porridge?" which is pretty funny. I do remember that line pretty well.

G: Aziraphale starts being insanely funny here. [laughs] Like, every every scene after this, he is comedic genius of all time.

C: Yeah. Aziraphale has been- he's a Knight of the Round Table, so he's working with King Arthur to foment peace [G laughs] as he puts it. And Crowley's like, "Okay, so what's happening is that we're both in like, this terrible damp place, and everything we do is just canceling each other out. So like, we should just stay home and tell head office that we did everything they told us to do." Aziraphale's like, "Well, [both] it is a bit damp."

G: And I think about it constantly. The way- I- he is sooo... I wuv him.

C: I understand. And at this suggestion, he's like, "But that would be lying!" Like, he's so so shocked.

G: Bro, you lied so hard and so raw in 4004 BC. [both laughing]

C: You lied to God! Yeah, yeah. But, you know, he has to at least put up the front. Because, like, immediately after "But that would be lying," He goes like, "Oh, but they'd check!" Like, [laughs] he goes straight from "Lying is wrong" to like, "Oh, but we could never get away with it." [laughs]

G: Literally.

C: Which like, so real. But Crowley, seems to imply that Hell is less surveillance-y than Heaven, so like, at least like, she'd be able to get away with it, which I mean, I guess, turns out to be mostly true. Crowley keeps trying, and Aziraphale's like, "Absolutely not. I am shocked that you would even imply such a thing." He stalks off and like, it's just such a- it's such a silly little breakup argument ending. Like, the whole like, "We're not having this conversation." "Right." "Right!" Like, god bless.

G: Yeah. But, also, I mean, this is- like, the more I thought about it, I was like, "That's probably not what happened," but when this first happened, when Aziraphale left, I was like, "Well. He's leaving." Like, Crowley said, "Let's just leave," [laughs] Aziraphale left. So like, he just did the thing! [C laughs] It was like, my first reaction, so I thought it was actually like, a funny bit of like, whether Aziraphale agrees or disagrees, it's the same result. Yeah. Now that I think about it, I'm like, "No, no, no. Like, they're fomenting somewhere else. But they're still fomenting." But at that moment, my kneejerk reaction was that, and I thought that was pretty fucking funny.

C: It is pretty fucking funny. Book fact: The Arrangement starts in 1020, so it takes 500 more years before Aziraphale agrees to this. But, I mean, I guess it also means that they hung out a lot during those 500 years to get that to happen!

G: Yeah. 'Cause our next scene is Globe Theatre, London, 1601. Nine years before Caravaggio died. [C laughs] This is a famous theater, right? Like, until now. It's still up?

C: Yeah. I think it's been like, rebuilt and things. Yeah.

G: Yeah, of course. But you know, it's still an establishment.

C: Yeah, it's like, where Shakespeare performed his plays, so.

G: Yeah. There is a performance happening, but there are very very few people in here.

C: Aziraphale is slaying outfit-wise, I must say.

G: Oh, hell yeah.

C: It's like this silvery-

G: This is the one with the collar, right? The frilly collar?

C: Yeah, he has a ruff.

G: Yeah. Love it so much.

C: Whereas Crowley shows up with a fucking goatee. Also, sunglasses. I mean, he also had them in Rome. They were slaying. These ones are also slaying. He looks great. His hair is luscious and beautiful. His like, sleeves are puffy. Love that.

G: There's very few people in the crowd. There's like, maybe, like, three people watching and like, two people selling stuff to the three watchers. Like, it's that kind of crowd. But Crowley shows up, and we learn that they were supposed to meet up here because they expected a lot more people, and they expected to blend into the crowd.

C: I'm curious about the circumstances of their meetup.

G: No, yeah!

C: Because it's like, Aziraphale decided where they were gonna meet. But he also asks Crowley, "Hey, what are you up to?" which implies that Crowley was like, "Let's meet," and Aziraphale proposed the place?

G: Yeah, it's was a bit weird for me. Because when I was rewatching this scene, and I forgot how like, the conversation pans out later in terms of Aziraphale asking Crowley what he's up to, I thought solemnly that Aziraphale asked him to come here. And then in my head, I was like, "But Aziraphale doesn't want to do the thing, and he wasn't the one who suggested it. So did he just ask Crowley to like, watch Hamlet? [laughs] What is this?"

C: Yeah. And yeah, also, 'm also confused because Aziraphale tells Crowley about his Edinburgh assignment, and like, it seems like Aziraphale at least thinks Crowley doesn't know about it. So why would Crowley have asked him here to like, consolidate assignments if he didn't know that they were going to the same place?

G: No, yeah, exactly. So were they just going on a date? What is this?

C: Was this just hanging out? Was this just to hang out? But like, Aziraphale’s like, “Oh, you've gotta be up to something.” I think maybe they're just hanging out.

G: Yeah. Crowley goes, "Oh, the reason why nobody's here is like, because this is one of Shakespeare's gloomy ones, isn't it?" And me and Crystal looked up [both laugh] the timeline of publication of Shakespeare. So this is Hamlet. And before Hamlet, there were only two tragedies published at that point. So it's Julius Caesar and Romeo and Juliet.

C: Uh-huh! It sure fucking was Romeo and Juliet.

G: [laughs] The way this conversation is going, we kind of assumed that Aziraphale has seen all of Shakespeare at this point-

C: Yeah, he's a big fan.

G: - and Crowley has seen at least- at least one tragedy. So 100% chance, pretty much, of Aziraphale having watched Romeo and Juliet and [both] 50% chance-

C: - that Crowley has done it. Yup. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. So, you know, just something to think about. Just something to fucking think about.

G: Is anyone else going insane? Something to think about! Literally, what if the J stands for Juliet? Like, have we considered this?

C: Yeah, no, yeah. Earlier, we were talking about- Yup. Maybe the J stands for Juliet! What if it fucking does?

G: What if it does?

C: God. It's so corny, like, I don't even wanna ascribe myself to having said that. But like, what if does?! [G laughs]

G: What if it literally does?

C: Imagine if the one that he'd watched was Julius Caesar, so the J actually stood for Julius, and he has no clue about Romeo and Juliet.

G: [laughing] And it was Anthony Julius. God. [overlapping] It was literally Anthony Julius Crowley. [both laughing]

C: God! What a loser!

G: Well, anyway. Shakespeare is there and goes up to them and like, Aziraphale's like, "Oh my god! He's coming here." And then asks them to be more engaged in the production. And the Aziraphale was like, "Oh, like, when the ghost of his father came on, and I said, 'He's behind you!'" [both laugh] God, he is so fucking- like, this is so funny to me. 'Cause, well, let's get into it when we get to the other line. But Shakespeare's like, "Yeah, just like that." And then he orders the performance to continue. But the guy who plays Hamlet is like, upset that nobody's here. So he expresses this upsetness, and Aziraphale's like, "Noo! You're good. I love all the... [both] talking!" And Hamlet goes like, "Well, what does your friend think?" [C groans] And Aziraphale very quickly goes, "Oh, he's not my friend. We've never met before. We don't know each other!" And Crowley is like, right beside him, just smiling and being like, "Oh, I think you should get on with the play."

C: Yup. Is it anecdote time?

G: Should we talk about it here? Exactly.

C: Yeah, it's anecdote time.

G: Okay. I mean, this scene, this specific line is presented to us in a comedic way. Like, it's funny. And it is. But the way it continues on in this story, it becomes, you know, evident that it is something that bothers Aziraphale a lot and etc etc.

C: And it also hurts Crowley.

G: Yeah. So with all that in mind, let's talk about this running theme of Aziraphale denying Crowley and his friendship. [both laughing] Me and Crystal are gonna share personal anecdotes. Should I start?

C: Yeah, do your thing.

G: Okay, well, so my anecdote is that when I was in high school, my girlfriend at the time was very touchy. She was very like, oh, she'd hug everyone, and she'd like, when she's walking down the hall with her friends, she'd cling to their arms and all that. But she was also closeted, and I was, well am, whatever. I was very visibly - and known by everyone as - queer. So like, she would hug everyone anywhere. But me, I only get a public hug when it's time to say goodbye, and we're in the car park lot, and we've made sure that nobody can see us, and we're hidden by all the cars. And even then, you know, it's with much nervousness. And the thing is like, of course she couldn't treat me like a romantic partner in front of everyone due to the closetedness. But also, she couldn't treat me as a friend. She couldn't treat me the way she would treat all her other friends. Because here, even just the friendship, even just the association, even, is already too revealing. It's already like, "This is too much. This is telling the world too much." And Aziraphale denying Crowley the friendship, the term "friends," like, reeks of that feeling. Like, when this happened, like, my mind was immediately transported to that experience.

C: Yeah. Sure was. I guess my anecdote, that one actually came up for me in Episode 1 when Gabriel was talking to Aziraphale, and he's like, "Wow! It's so lucky that you two never ran into each other," and like, that was my first like- God, even having talked to each other is too much, is too revealing for the two of them. And it was exacerbated by this scene. So okay, my anecdote is that after Danica and I broke off our engagement, we went to Claire's and we shoplifted best friends forever necklaces to wear in lieu of an engagement. And one of the necklaces especially- well, there was one that was, you know, the half heart magnet one, and the other one was like, a ring that had, like, "best friends" on it, and so, I mean, we were feeling great. We'd done it. We got out. We were sitting in the car, we had our necklaces on. And then it was time to go home, and I took my necklace off, and I shoved it to the bottom of my backpack. And Danica was like, "Oh, what's up?" And I said, "Well, my parents already think I'm in love with you, so." And she was like, "But it's a best friend's necklace. Like, it explicitly says best friends on both of those things." And I was like, "Yeah. But still." And like, the "but still" is just like- first off, like, I am closeted to my parents, but I also look the way I look.

G: [laughs] Yes. The closet is glass, yeah.

C: So like, they're on the verge of suspicion at all times. They suspected that I was into girls before I was into girls because of the way that I talked about Danica in sixth grade, like, after I'd just met her. They asked me like, a lot of follow up questions that, looking back are like, "Oh, that's what that was about." But luckily, my ignorance protected me during that time. So it's just like, again, it's about the mere act of friendship being too revealing. It's about how like, just saying that- like, showing that I valued her enough to like wear a friendship necklace, like, it was just very clear that for her, like, with me and her, like, it could not be like, a non-romantic gesture. Like, it had to be something that they would question and that I wouldn't be able to explain properly because I can't talk about her like I do my other friends to my parents, unless I like, [laughs] really hastily compare to my sister. So like- yeah. I don't know. It's- yeah. That's more about like, Aziraphale and Heaven. Well, yours is also about Aziraphale and Heaven, but also everyone. So yeah. I don't know. I get it, and it sucks. It's very queer.

G: I think it's important for Neil Gaiman [C laughs] to acknowledge, like, whether in text or in Word of God that Crowley and Aziraphale are queer. Like, it is a queer relationship. Like, they are gay. [C laughs] But even without that acknowledgement, it is undeniable that that is the story here.

C: That's what is happening.

G: It's about a relationship that has to be hidden in this way because of its inherent nature, which is that it is gay. And it's not even just like, it's like, queer in the human sense, like, it's queer in Heaven, in Hell, on Earth, you know? Like, from every single elevation that you look at it from, it is gay. So [C laughs] that's my statement. Yeah.

C: It sure fucking is. Also, you don't have to be a man to be gay, Neil Gaiman. Like, even if they don't identify as men, they can still be gay, Neil Gaiman. You have such a limited view of gender, as the "Rainbow Dress" TikTok person said. [G laughs]

G: No, literally like, I've been saying this, but the statement, like, "Aziraphale and Crowley are gay men" really is very much a case of like, "Aziraphale and Crowley are men." Okay, I'm not completely sure about that. But "Aziraphale and Crowley are gay"? Like, [both] this we cannot possibly not possibly refute. We cannot possibly refute it.

C: It's not possible to refute it! Jesus Christ! There's so much.

G: Anyway. [laughs] Whew! Anyway, so the play keeps on going, and Hamlet goes, "To be, or not to be. That is the question." And Aziraphale [C laughing] pipes up so, so, so joyfully, "To be! I mean, not to be! [C screams] Come on, Hamlet, buck up!"

C: [laughing] "Come on Hamlet, kill yourself!"

G: He literally said, "Kill yourself, Hamlet!" God, he's so funny.

C: I can't believe Crowley invented saying "angel" as an endearment but Aziraphale invented saying KYS. And, also, he directs the first half of "Come on, Hamlet, buck up" to like, Burbage, like, acting on stage, but like, midway through, he turns to look at Crowley, and he's just looking at him, smiling so joyously, and Crowley's like, looking back with like, a small smile on his face.

G: Yeah! And it's so sick and twisted.

C: It's soo sick and twisted! Who let this happen? Who let them have eyes?! Ah! [screams]

G: Good lord. You know, Aziraphale says that the actor is very good, and Crowley, while while Shakespeare is right beside them, Crowley goes, "Age does not wither nor custom stale his infinite variety," which is a line in Antony and Cleopatra-

C: Yup. Said about Cleopatra, though, the pronouns do change, which is interesting.

G: Shakespeare overhears this and write it down. What I find interesting is this is like, the one time that he or both of them really speaks in the way people of that time would speak, and it does make me wonder whether they're like, how are we supposed to interpret this? Have they always spoken this way or is this like, a there's a filter going on? And we're seeing it in this way, but the way they would have said it at the time would be completely different? Like, during this time, did they just speak in like, Shakespeare English? Or did they speak in this way? And, you know.

C: I just thought Crowley was like, doin' a bit of like, improv poetry.

G: [laughs] I see. Well, okay.

C: But it is possible that there's a filter, because, like, people would not understand them. But I also think like, like, Crowley shows up, like, her first words are like, [both] "Well, that went down like a lead balloons" before balloons were invented. So like, I feel like they've always been a little bit out of time, out of touch, etc etc. And I am losing my head when they're not around.

G: This is true. Anyway, as they watch, and Hamlet keeps on being performed, Aziraphale asks what Crowley wants from him. They have some banter on like, Aziraphale always thinking that Crowley's up to something, but eventually Aziraphale says that he has to go to Edinburgh for a blessing. And Cr-ow-ley goes- sorry. [laughs] I'm so sorry [C laughing] to everyone for pronouncing Crowley "Cr-ow-ley."

C: [laughing] The person that sent that ask is just rubbing their hands and adding another tally.

G: Literally. And Crowley goes, "Oh, me, too. I'm going there to tempt someone."

C: This is the first time we hear that Aziraphale has ever had a job. [laughs] Do you know what I mean? Like, in Episode 1, like, we know what Crowley's up to. She's out here taking down phone lines, like, etc etc, like, she's in Rome for a temptation. But like, it's like, what is Aziraphale's job, even? What is "Going to Edinburgh for a blessing"? What is a blessing? What does he even have to do?

G: I mean, he was fomenting peace! [both laugh] So that was a job.

C: You're right. I'm sorry. He was fomenting peace. I should have recalled. But, you know, some things are so difficult to remember even after 500 years!

G: [laughing] This is true.

C: God. I do wanna make it clear that I think both of them are trans. Like, I don't think this is a fail ally moment from Aziraphale when he gets Crowley's name wrong. It's just like, some trans people never change their name, and they're also like, terrible at changing other things.

G: For real. Anyway, Aziraphale acts offended by all this. He's like, "Oh, you cannot possibly be suggesting what I infer... you are implying." [C laughs] Which is truly a way to word it, and truly a way to say in a show such as Good Omens Season 1. [C laughs] Literally, [overlapping] you cannot possibly be suggesting what I infer you are implying, Neil Gaiman.

C: And he, like, lowers his voice and sort of turns away a little in this one.

G: Yeah, yeah. One of them should do the blessing and the tempting, both of them. And we learn that they have done this dozens of times now.

C: So, if 600 years- 581 years, so I think it's about one every six years is what that looks like.

G: What's this? Like, how many did you-

G: I just assumed a hundred because they wouldn't say hundreds until it got to like, at least 200.

G: Yeah, that's true.

C: So dozens seems like, maybe like, a hundred.

G: Crowley is on the side of "Nobody give a shit." [laughs] But Aziraphale says, "If Hell finds out, they won't just be angry, they'll destroy you." [C makes pained sound] Which is fascinating. Because again, anytime from here on onwards, like, the, you know, the last scene when they were in Wessex, Aziraphale's first response is, "Heaven's gonna get me into trouble." But now, it's like, "No, Crowley, you're gonna get into trouble." And we see this consistently throughout a lot of the other scenes. Like, with the holy water shenanigans, this is kind of Aziraphale's main point always. And the thing affecting Aziraphale is pretty much always secondary, and that sure is something! Anyone else here gay as hell no matter what, this we cannot possibly refute? [C laughs]

C: Yeah.

G: So eventually, Aziraphale agrees, and they do a coin toss, and Aziraphale has to go.

C: Do we think that this was a fair coin toss? Because we hear like, a sound when it happens that's either like, a coin toss sound effect or a miracle sound, in which case, that means that Crowley, like, purposefully made Aziraphale lose.

G: I think it's fair. I'd like to think it's fair.

C: You have such faith in love. I don't think it's fair.

G: I literally do. Shakespeare on the side is talking to a vendor and goes, "Ugh. It would take a miracle to get anyone to come see Hamlet." And Aziraphale and Crowley hears this, and Aziraphale, like, glances knowingly and expectantly at Crowley, and Crowley goes, "Agh, fine. Okay. I'll do that one." And yeah. Now, Hamlet is probably the most famous play of all time.

C: Yeah. They're crazy. Yeah. The way that Aziraphale looks at him so hopefully and like-

G: I know!!

C: They're soo. Oh my god, yeah. And like, it's also just about how like, this isn't like, just for Aziraphale. It's about how Crowley like, wants to be a nice person, but needs an excuse to do it, and, like, this is like, a flimsy-ass excuse, but it is at least something that he can hold on to for a reason. And like, I think I read a post about this that was specifically about like, how, Aziraphale saw like, Crowley like, recite poetry- or like, come up with poetry just now, and is like, "Oh, like, this is like, something that they care about. Like, they're a theater person. Like, this is like, something that they'd want to do, and like, they like Shakespeare." And that's- agh. I don't know. That's so nice. I really like their dynamic here, where, like Crowley, is tempting Aziraphale into harmless sin, and Aziraphale is tempting Crowley into like, harmless doing good because it's just what they both want, but they need an excuse to do it. Aghh. Yeah. Also, Crowley does say at the end, "I still prefer the funny ones," which, I mean, okay, like, according to the timeline, I think he's seen Much Ado About Nothing. So yeah. Everyone stream Tennant and Tate Much Ado About Nothing right now. And also, stream Tennant's Hamlet while you're at it.

G: Hell yeah.

C: Hell yeah.

C: So we cut to Paris, 1793. It is the Reign of Terror, and Aziraphale is in an outfit.

G: He sure is.

C: You said you had feelings about this outfit. Hit me with the feelings about this outfit.

G: No, I have positive feelings about this outfit.

C: Okay. It's pretty good. He has pink satin shoes on. Good for him. And basically, he's like, manacled and is about to get executed, guillotined, and all that for being so clearly a rich guy. And like, I mean, my whole thoughts about the handcuffs during this scene were like that, like, Tumblr screenshot of a Discord image that's like, someone sending in all caps, "WHAT WOULD YOU USE A GUN FOR OTHER THAN SEX ??????????" And then, like, fifty crying emojis. But like, that's me about the handcuffs here. What would you use handcuffs for other than sex???

G: Literally.

C: What's happening? But yeah. so he meets Jean-Claude, who is his intended executioner. And Aziraphale is like, immediately, like- I don't know how to do it, but he's like, he can't speak French, and he's like, "Blah blah blah, this is a grande... mistake. Uh. Erreur." [G laughs] Adorable. Great.

G: Yeah. He is so important to me.

C: He is pretty important to me also. Like, last episode when you were like, "And they speak every language, right?" And I was like, "Yeah." And then this episode, it's like, "No. Actually, no."

G: No, I think he could, though, right? He should be able to.

C: Yeah. He said he's out of practice at the French. Well, we'll learn more about that. But the executioner, I mean, you know, they just have an exchange where he's like, "Oh, I love executioning so much. I can't wait to execution you." [laughs] I know that the word "executes" a thing. And Aziraphale’s just- I'd say he's tetchy about the situation. [laughs]

G: Pretty tetchy.

C: Jean-Claude is like, inspecting his neck, and, like, Aziraphale pulls away, and he's like, "No! Dreadful mistake discorporating me. Oh, it'll be a complete nightmare."

G: And also, this is the first time we hear the word discorporate, I think.

C: No, we hear about it when we-

G: No, like, in this history.

C: Okay, yes.

G: But yeah, we hear about it in-

G: Was that in the car?

C: Episode 2? Yeah, when he was driving.

G: Last episode, yeah. God. It was just last episode? It feels like a lifetime ago. [C laughs]

C: It was 6000 years ago.

G: I think it's interesting 'cause yeah, like, they set it up here, discorporathing, and then later, they have conversations about "destroying you completely," and like, I feel like this line is here to separate it from that.

C: Yeah.

G: To be like, "No, no, no. Like, that's different. Like, what Crowley is asking for will legitimately kill him." So yeah.

C: It's gonna send his ass to the Empty. Time freezes. Crowley freezes time. Or he just freezes Jean-Claude, but I'd like to believe that he freezes time. And shows up. And like- [G laughs] Okay, so firstly, Aziraphale is like, "Oh, like, you're all animals." And like, he hears behind him, "Animals don't kill each other with clever machines, angel. Only humans do that." And his face lights up, like, so much! Like, so much. And he goes like, "Crowley." And then he like, turns around, and it's like, what- what's happening here? What is going on? Can anyone hear me?! [G laughs] So Crowley is sprawled on the ground in a pose that I know she was practicing in the mirror for 15 minutes. Like, she wanted to be here earlier, but she was like, "No, okay, so and then I'll say- and then, like, he'll turn around, right? And I'll be like, on the ground, like, sort of like, leaning back with like, my knee propped, and like, blah blah blah blah," like, god bless. Also, her hair is very silly, and I'm a fan.

G: Aziraphale turns around, and upon seeing Crowley and Crowley's outfit, goes, "Oh, good lord!" Like, in a like, "eugh" way.

C: That is not my interpretation, but you are free to do that.

G: Okay, what was your interpretation?

C: He's so horny that he can barely walk?

G: No he wasn't! He was like, "God! You're ugly as hell no matter what, Crowley." [C laughing] Well, that's what I took from it, and it reminds me of that one Gianmarco Soresi bit where he says, like, "If you're a guy and you want someone to accurately, like, honestly tell you how you look, you should ask a gay man, because they have two traits that you need for an accurate judgment, which is that 1) they're attracted to men, and 2) like, they have the absolute lack of empathy that only a man can possess." [both laughing] And that was my immediate thought when this scene happened. Literally Aziraphale going, "Oh, good lord!" was so fucking funny.

C: Okay. I personally saw that, and like, him like, giving Crowley like, a once-over, and then like, turning away as like, a "Oh, you look positively indecent" sort of thing-

G: No!

C: - in that he is so horny he can barely walk, which I think is like, the fandom interpretation. But honestly, yours might be more fun. Especially 'cause Crowley is dressed as like, a French peasant, but a stylish one in order to like, blend in. You know, Crowley asked what Aziraphale's doing here, and he goes. "I thought you were opening a bookshop." Which also makes me emo because it means they're like, in contact, like often! [G screams] 'Cause Aziraphale doesn't start building the bookshop until the 1790s, so like, they've been talking like, regularly. Like, they ask each other about their weeks maybe. You know what I mean? Agh!

G: [shakily] Yeah! [laughs]

C: And then Aziraphale says that he got peckish because you can't get decent crepes anywhere but Paris. We don't know how he got here. Yeah. So Aziraphale either took a boat over, which I don't know how long that would take, or he mirrored himself here, which I think the second one is a lot funnier, but like, honestly, both of them are funny.

G: No, I think it is the second one because, quote-unquote, he got "peckish." Like, that's not like, that's an instant, quick feeling, you know? Are we supposed to think that he spent- what? Week-

C: The English Channel doesn't look that thick on the map. [G laughs] But it would probably be a while, yeah.

G: Yeah. He has to go to the port? Like, are you fucking kidding me?

C: Yeah. He does not have the patience. Well, that's incredibly funny of him. Also, I love that he said that he got peckish because, like, they don't feel hunger, I'm assuming. Like, he can't actually feel peckish. Like, this isn't something that he needs. He just wants it. Which is a fun distinction with the two of them.

And, you know, Crowley goes, "You came over here dressed like that?" And Aziraphale goes, “I have standards.” God bless. We learn that Aziraphale says that he didn't miracle himself out of this because he was reprimanded last month for performing too many frivolous miracles. I mean, I don't know if it's bad writing, or like, he's just like, lying. [G laughs] 'Cause like, he miracled himself over here, and later, he miracles himself an outfit- or he doesn't miracle himself an outfit. He miracles instead of just like, swapping clothes with someone. That's frivolous. So that's that's what he says. Okay. I think that it is just like, a writing inconsistency. But the idea that is just fucking lying so that Crowley can rescue him is pretty fun.

G: Yeah. Based on the deleted scene that [laughs] we will discuss here like it i an actual scene, I think it is true that he got reprimanded.

C: Yeah, yeah. Good point. Well, sorry, Aziraphale. And Crowley says that they're here because Hell sent him accommodation for outstanding job performance. And Aziraphale, like, very offended, is like, "So all this is your demonic work?" But no, the humans thought it up themselves. Yeah, Aziraphale says that, like, you know, "Maybe I should say thank you." And Crowley, like, gets up, very intense. "Don't say that. If my people hear I rescued an angel, I'll be the one in trouble, and my lot do not send rude notes." So I guess this is supposed to be like, our "maybe the wall slam wasn't so unprecedented" moment, but I still think the wall slam is stupid as all hell, and that she would not fucking. But yeah. This is like, something that they're quite intense about, like, yeah. Can't say thank you 'cause it makes it real, etc, etc. [G exhales shakily] Yeah. Yeah. Ya. [G laughs]

G: Ya.

C: Right, you know, also, Crowley's undone the handcuffs and Aziraphale's sort of like, rubbing his wrists. Why would you use handcuffs for anything but sex??? [G laughs] Anyway, I do say that I found the "my lot do not send rude notes" line sort of annoying just from a book reader perspective because they do have the exchange where Crowley is talking about how Hell's going to punish him for losing the Antichrist, and she goes, "You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you down there," and Aziraphale goes, "I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to one up there." Like, there's a lot more Heaven and Hell equality in like, how bad they are and how aware both characters are of that in the book. So it does annoy me for this to be portrayed as like, "Hell will punish Crowley worse than Heaven will punish Aziraphale" because they're taking an equal risk.

Because Aziraphale can't say thank you, he decides that they should get lunch together. And this is something that they mentioned in Episode 1 as something that Crowley has to pay him back for.

G: The thing is, in Episode 1, I said like, "Oh, it's just work for them, and that's why they don't even remember it, like, who was who's side or whatever." But like, actually, it was not work. [laughs] It was Crowley saving Aziraphale's ass. I don't know. Like, this, for me, changes the like, "them forgetting" part of it from like, "Oh, they've forgotten it because it's just work, and it doesn't matter" to like, "They are forgetting it because this exact scenario has happened countlessly many times already" that it's common now. And like, I find it so endearing that Aziraphale doesn't remember that but remembers that they had crepes.

C: Hm. I think my interpretation of that would be more like, "Here are the parts of our relationship that are safe to talk about, and here are the parts that aren't." Like, I don't actually think that either of them forgot. I think that when they say Paris, 1793, they know all of it.

G: They both know what they're talking about.

C: Yeah. But they will just mention the crepes, because that was like, the safe part of it.

G: Aww. Awww. Okay. Yeah.

C: And then Aziraphale fucking kills a guy.

G: [laughs] Literally. He kills a guy.

C: He fucking kills a guy! Oh, later at the bandstand, "Oh, I can't kill anything! I'm nice!" You killed Jean-Claude. You murded Jean-Claude. You killed him! He does a miracle to swap their clothes, and new guillotine people come in. They see Jean-Claude in Aziraphale’s fancy aristocrat clothes, and they take him off to the fucking guillotine.

G: Exactly. Like, this reminds me of that one famous like, Trixie and Katya clip that I think I've sent you where like, Katya asks Trixie, "What's the straightest thing you've done?" And Trixie like, sits down and thinks about it and goes, "I killed a guy." [C laughs] Like, literally, this is the straightest thing Aziraphale has done. He killed a guy.

C: Yeah, he sure did. But like, they don't treat it like it is a thing, so I guess it just isn't. We shouldn't treat it as a thing. But, like, come on. He killed a guy. He 100% killed that guy. And like, after Aziraphale kills that guy, Crowley is like, "Well, dressed like that, he was asking for it." Like, she's like, "You just killed a guy, and I'm backing you up because he wanted to hurt you." [G laughs]

G: I mean, also, I want to point out that like, last episode, you were talking about how Aziraphale was just making his acts of service boyfriend acts of service him. And at the time, I was like, "Okay." But like, I get it. I fully get it now. He literally is asking his acts of service boyfriend to acts of service him.

C: Yup. He sure fucking is.

G: Well, before we get to the actual next scene in the episode, we shall talk about the deleted scene-

C: Seven years later-

G: From the scriptbook. Yes. So it's seven years later, and we are at a bookshop.

C: We will reblog this onto our Tumblr because it's okay in a special edition of the scriptbook that isn't available online.

G: Why? Ohh.

C: Someone scanned it and put it online.

G: We are at the first few days of construction, or maybe like, the last few days of construction of Aziraphale’s bookshop, and like, he's getting the sign done, he's putting books on the shelf, all that, when Gabriel and Sandalphon shows up. And they're all like, "Aziraphale, we have some excellent news. You're being assigned back to Heaven!"

C: Specifically, "You're being promoted back upstairs," which, you know, tells us that his current job [both] is a demotion. Maybe as punishment for the Garden of Eden.

G: They're expecting Aziraphale to be very happy about this, but all he says is, "But I'm opening the bookshop on Friday!" Truly a moment. But yeah. It's a whole thing. They give him a medal. And Aziraphale just straight up goes, like, "I don't want it." And as this is happening, he looks over Gabriel's shoulder and he sees, quote, "the worst possible thing that he could see." And it's Crowley, and he is holding a package and waving "cheerily." And upon seeing this, Aziraphale goes, in a way, I think, to warn Crowley, that like, "This is Gabriel and Sandalphon. Like, don't do anything." He goes, "But only I can thwart the wiles of the demon Crowley!" And, like, Crowley in the back, his face falls, and then he points at the package and mouths, "Chocolates!" [C screams] He bought chocolates. He bought chocolates for Aziraphale.

C: I just- this a housewarming gift for the bookshop, I'm assuming, but it's also like, this isn't for Friday, the day that it opens to the public. It's like, for like, I'm assuming that this is like, Thursday or Wednesday or something. This is like, "We've talked about this privately and like, let's hang out. I'm very happy for you, blah blah blah." God! He literally brought chocolates!

G: Gabriel says, "Oh, we're sending Michael down here, so you don't have to worry." And like, in the back, Crowley is going, "Michael? Michael's a wanker!" which I love. And Aziraphale tells Gabriel that Crowley is cunning and brilliant, and has been here for as long as Aziraphale has been also. And Gabriel's like, "What? Do you like him or something?" [C screams] And Aziraphale says, "No, no, no. I loathe him. But I respect a worthy opponent, [C laughs] which he isn't, and I don't respect him. Or like him."

C: "Because I cannot respect a demon and I cannot-" like, I'm not allowed to. [groans]

G: Yeah. And Gabriel's like, "Okay." And then goes, like, "We're gonna go to Heaven, but before that, we're going to the tailor shop. So, bye." So they go to the shop, and as Gabriel is putting on the outfit or whatever he hears Crowley talking to a "creature from Hell." [C laughs] And, you know, the conversation is like, "Ah, my evil plans, thwarted again. Has Heaven sent a champion here on Earth who thwarts... thwartingly?" [C laughs] I love it. And then we see that Crowley actually just set up a bunch of mannequins, and like, put hoods over them and is doing some voice modulation shit [C screams] to pretend that they're like, other creatures.

C: I need her.

G: First of all, transgender. Second of all, I would have loved to see this scene!

C: I know!

G: So fun. And there's a line there that you pointed out, which is that, he is acting accordingly to the acting style of the time. Yeah.

C: Which is so cute, I think. Like, he and Aziraphale go to shows together, and sometimes, like, she goes to shows alone because, like, she likes the arts, and like, she's acting in the style of the time!

G: Yeah. Anyway, the creature is like, "Oh, Master Crowley, I've heard that your nemesis Aziraphale is being sent back to Heaven!" And Crowley's like, "Oh my god! That's amazing! I was going to drink holy water [C laughs] because the angel always thwarts me so hard and so raw, [C laughing] but like, now I won't!" And he goes like, "Only he knows my wiles well enough to thwart them." And so we go back to the shop, and Gabriel is now telling Aziraphale that, "Oh, no, no, no. You're staying, actually. Keep the medal." And before Aziraphale can even say anything, Gabriel and Sandalphon have left.

C: Yup. And Aziraphale never knows why they left.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, just the fact that Crowley is able to express like, "Oh, I don't want Michael here, like, she sucks," but like can't or won't tell Aziraphale "I want you to stay bad enough that I did this very silly thing." Yeah. Whew.

G: Whew. Yeah. We're not even to the big parts yet. [both laugh] Well, we're about to be.

G: Our next scene is at St. James's Park, as in the part that they frequent in Episode 1, and it's 1862. And Crowley pretty much looks the same. [laughs] Like, there are some choice differences in his look right now, and his look in 1941. Was it 1941? onwards. But like, this is the look. Like, he's found it, you know? And I am so sorry everyone and God, but I have actually watched this spoiler, which is- it came across my YouTube recommendations, and it was a- what's it? A behind the scenes alternative take on a scene of Aziraphale dancing. The description said that it was from 1880. So in that video, his outfit is exactly the same as it is in '41 and now. So like, between 1862 and 1880, he found his style, and he just didn't let it go, ever.

C: This scene is the first instance of his waistcoat, which is his favorite thing ever. 'Cause it's like, kind of ratty, but he has it, and he'll always have it. I love him.

G: Yeah, I don't know. I really like that he found like, an era, and was like, "I belong here." Do you know what I mean? And he lived there, and even if the era has passed, he's like, "I belong there." And, I don't know. I like that. I like it. I wike it. I like it.

C: And I also like the era that he's chosen is like a period in which he and Crowley didn't talk after this fight. Like, this is like, his self-actualization, like, decades or whatever

G: Did they really not? Like, is that a legitimate- is that an assumption, or-

C: The scriptbook in in the 1941 scene has a stage direction that I will read aloud later.

G: Okay. Well, we're at St. James's Park, as I've said, and-

C: Crowley has terrible, awful sideburns. Sometimes gender euphoria comes out of cost to me. Right now, he's living it up as a guy with the worst sideburns.

G: Anyway, Crowley is depressed. I don't think that's a misinterpretation.

C: I don't- that's not how I interpret it, but I don't think it's a misinterpretation.

G: How would you interpret his actions in his scene?

C: Holy water can kill any demons. It could just be to like, kill other demons that come after him or- What do you mean?

G: Well, he is so sad!

C: He's- I guess so. He is an amount of sad.

G: Okay. Let's get into the scene. So Crowley says, like, "Oh, I'm worried that things will go wrong." And he goes, "If things do go wrong, you and I, we have a lot in common." And, Aziraphale says, like, "Oh, well, we both started out this angels, but, you know, we've since diverged paths due to the you Falling thing."

C: He's like, really judgy and mean when he says it. Like, both of them are like, in moods today.

G: Yeah. They're tetchy. Yeah. Crowley says, like, "I didn't really Fall. I just sauntered vaguely downward." And, you know. Crowley says, "If things go wrong, I want insurance." And then he hands Aziraphale a note. And we don't see the note immediately, but we see that Aziraphale’s face is like, he's upset. And he declares that what Cr-ow-ley- [both laugh] he declares that what Crowley is asking is out of the question. And he says, "It would destroy you. I'm not bringing you a suicide pill." And this is what I mean, like, I think it's curious how this scene, Crowley is so different from how he usually acts. I think that's what I- he's completely different. And he has been like this long enough for Aziraphale to genuinely think that he wants the holy water to kill himself.

C: Yes. Though, I mean, again, this is like, an insurance thing. So even if it was to kill himself, it would be like, you know, like, when you're getting tortured and like, you take like the pill so that the information doesn't get tortured out of you kind of thing. It isn't like, a "he's actually suicidal."

G: Yeah, I mean, I don't think he's actually suicidal, but I think it's curious that he's so so so worried when all the scenes before this has been him being like, "Ah, it doesn't matter. Ah, it's fine."

C: Yeah. I agree that that is so different.

G: Here, it's such a- yeah, it's such a vast difference. And, yes or no. Do we figure out what happens between chocolates scene and this for this to be the case?

C: I think there's stuff in Season 2 that could help you interpret things. Yeah.

G: Ah. Okay. Well, Aziraphale goes, "Do you know what trouble I would be in Heaven if they knew I was... [both] fraternizing?" And like, he says other things too, but what the camera really focuses on is Crowley doing the most dramatic head turn ever seen in the history of the world, and goes, "Fraternizing?" And Aziraphale says, "Well, whatever you wish to call it."

C: Well, I'd say before that, like, when Crowley says like, "That's not what I want it for. I just want it for insurance." Aziraphale goes, “I'm not an idiot. Crowley.” What does that mean? Like, "You are obviously suicidal"? Like, what does that mean? Or is the "I'm not an idiot" regarding the like, "I'd be in big trouble with Heaven" thing, in which case, is he accusing Crowley of deliberately endangering him?

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah?

G: I don't know. No, no, no, not yeah as in "yeah," but like, "yeah" as in I get what you're trying to ask, and I also don't know the answer, but I agree that it's a fascinating question. This is surely a scene

C: What's happening? Yeah. Aziraphale's panicking, I think, and I think the way that he reacts when he's panicking is to just pull out the old "You're an evil demon trying to hurt me" or some shit.

G: Crowley goes, "I have a lot of other people to fraternize with, angel."

C: They're not even fucking. What is this about?

G: [laughs] Yeah.

C: Can you believe they're having this exchange, and they haven't even fucked once?

G: And Aziraphale goes, "Of course you do." And then he starts walking away, and Crowley goes, “I don't need you!” [C screams] And Aziraphale turns away to say, “And the feeling is mutual! Obviously!” And Crowley just stands there looking at the note that Aziraphale threw into the water burning up and then mockingly goes, “Obviously.” [both laugh] A scene. It is a scene. Also like, this, in my head, for some reason, Crowley has just been in there, saying lies, and the lines that are being said are, "Lord, heal this bike," and "Obviously," and- what's that? The "Eternity!"

C: And the "Shaddup."

G: And the "Shut up!" Literally. He's just in there.

C: So we cut to London 1941, and like, this is the scene of all time, but first I do have to be like- Okay, what my thing is, I feel like, okay, there's no historical scenes in the book, right? And I think part of that- I don't know if that's part of that, or just like, why I wouldn't put historical scenes in a book like this- is that I think it begs the question like, if they were here-

G: Why didn't they do anything?

C: - during, yeah, some of the worst things in human history, and they're powerful, like, they have powers, why didn't they do anything? And like, sure, Aziraphale's like, doing something here, but like, the most nothing thing. Okay, like, it's not nothing. If he was a human, this would be a very brave thing for him to do, but like, as someone who cannot die, this is like, kind of nothing at all.

G: I think the reason why that thought- like, it did cross my mind, but it wasn't as egregious as it would be if it was in something else is that they very obviously handicap Aziraphale and Crowley in terms of powers.

C: Right, like, they get reprimanded and things for their miracles. Yeah, I mean, that is something that I've thought about. But also, like- I feel like I'm not like, mad at them. It's more that-

G: It's curious, yeah.

C: Why, you would even write a scene that provokes that question without really bothering to answer said question. Like, write it in a way where it seems like you yourself were not even thinking about the question when I feel like the question is so obviously there. I feel like if this was in the book, if there was just like, a sentence in there that was like, you know, like, "Because of like, limitations and stuff, they could only do what humans could do and what humans could do was like, very little, but also like, a lot sometimes," or just like, something about like, Good Omens general humanism and how like, Aziraphale and Crowley are citizens of Earth, blah blah blah blah blah, it would be fine. But I feel like, here, it's just like, "Okay, but why did they do anything?" But yeah, I mean, whatevs. Like, it's not even something that I think about that much until I'm taking notes because this scene is so fucking romantic that sometimes you forget that there are like, literal Nazis here? And like, maybe that's- yeah.

Anyway, Aziraphale's here. He has a cute fucking hat on. Good for him. Also- like, the worst thing that could possibly happen to the world - Mark Gatiss is also here. But sometimes we have to live with such things.

G: He sure is. Yeah, you know, I think I know Mark Gatiss from Sherlock only, but I understand that he is relevant in the British media economy.

C: He wrote a lot of episodes of Doctor Who that were bad. And, you know.

G: I mean, I didn't even know that he is involved in making Sherlock for a long time.

C: Oh, you thought he just played Mycroft, and that's it.

G: Yes, yes.

C: No, he fucking co-wrote that thing, and boy, was it not a good show. [G laughs]

G: I don't have no feelings for Sherlock whatsoever. It's just a show that I watched with my sister when I was younger.

C: Good for you. You escaped a lot of- a lot of time spent on Tumblr saying things that made absolutely no sense.

G: Well, I'm making up for it now! [laughs]

C: Yup. So Aziraphale shows up with books, and he greets two people, one of whom is Mark Gaitas with a German accent. And supposedly, he's been obtaining books of prophecy for Hitler.

G: Also, he gets called Mr. Fell, which, I think- is this the first time

C: Well, yeah, I mean, if you look at his bookshop at any point, like, it does say A.Z. Fell.

G: Yeah, but I didn't really do that.

C: But yeah. That is the name he goes by.

G: He is Mr. Fell. Yeah. I was asking Crystal, like, is it "Aziraphale Fell" or is it "Azira Fell," and Crystal was like, "A.Z. Fell," and I was like, "Oh my god! Just like T.S. Elliot for real." And you know what? He may as well be like T.S. Elliot for real.

C: He may as well. They mention Agnes Nutter, 'cause it's the only true prophecy book, but Aziraphale says that, I mean, he just can't get it.

G: Apparently, there's only one copy of it in the world. Like, the Anathema copy, and that's it. 'Cause all the other copies were unsold and therefore burned by the publisher.

C: So, you know, they put the books into a bag, and then, like, one of them, goes like, "Oh, like, thanks a lot. But also, we have to kill you now."

G: Oh, anyway, I want to mention a fun little journey that I went through. At some point, Aziraphale goes, "Oh, but we preserved one prophecy, and it's that in 1979 or whatever, do not buy Betamax." And I was like, "Wait. That's an actual word?" Because in the Philippines, betamax, as we say it, is a street food. It's like, coagulated blood, and then you cut it in squares, and then you grill it. It's pretty good. And I was like, "Wait, what?" And so I Googled it, and apparently Betamax is a brand of cassette tapes, and they're black, and betamax, the food is, you know, it's cut into squares that are dark, so it looks like a cassette tape, so they named it after the cassette tape.

C: That's so fun! That is so fun.

G: Isn't that so cool? I know. I love it. And you know what? Agnes Nutter, I will buy betamax. [C laughs]

C: So, upon the gun being drawn on him, Aziraphale just like, does a little head tilt, and like, a pout-ish thing, and he goes, "Well, that's not very sporting." Which is soo cute.

G: He literally is like, pouting. Yeah, he's so. Agh. Somebody needs to get their dick sucked, and it's not gonna be me. [C laughs]

C: This woman appears behind Aziraphale, holding a gun pointed at the Nazis. And Aziraphale is like, "She is like, Captain Rose Montgomery of British military intelligence, and like, she is here to imprison your entire Nazi spy ring. She recruited me to work for you." Which, see, that also bothers me that like-

G: Yeah. There's no initiative on your part?

C: Aziraphale was, what, just chilling in the book shop until someone came up to them and was like, "Hey, help us." Like, I'm sure he could have been doing other things, and like, maybe it would have been like, trivializing, if like, they like, threw in a random line about how he's like, helping shelter people or whatever. But like, this is like, "Okay, so like, you didn't even take initiative, bro."

He's like, "Okay, and like, Captain Montgomery, like, all her agents are here, they're surrounding the building. And you two have been- What is that lovely American expression? Played for suckers." But then it's revealed that, in fact, she is also a Nazi, and this was a setup, and she turns the gun on Aziraphale, and he does the most dramatic gay gasp of surprise! And that gif is present in a post that goes, "When you're a miniature poodle and it's time for your nightly anxiety medication and your owner drops an extra pill pocket on the floor." [G laughs] Like, yeah. That's that face.

G: Literally.

C: Fraulein Greta Kleinschmidt says in German that it was very easy to fool the shithead bookseller because he's very gullible. Which, no, he's not! Okay, you know, I think I need to stop hoping that, like, Aziraphale will be like book Aziraphale and just think of both of these characters as new characters, but I just do have to say that there is a scene in the book where, like, it says that basically, like, mafia guys and things would come to Aziraphale’s bookshop-

G: Oh yeah. I've seen this too.

C: - and suggest that he'd like to sell the shop. And either they would bribe him.

"Or, sometimes, while they were talking, other men in dark glasses would wander around the shop shaking their heads and saying how inflammable paper was, and what a fire trap he had here. And Aziraphale would nod and smile and say that he'd think about it. And then they'd go away. And they'd never come back. Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you have to be a fool." So they slandered my boy. They slandered him. They slandered him to death. God.

G: They did. Yeah. I mean, like, the double-cross, it's unessential. Don't particularly- yeah.

C: Yeah. I don't know what the deal is. This entire-

G: [laughing] Well, I guess if they didn't do the double-cross, Aziraphale really is just helping Hitler. So maybe the double-cross is essential.

C: Well, I'm saying that Captain Rose Montgomery in quotes didn't have to double cross him. I think they're just having.

G: Yeah, but then she would die, and they won't have their romantic moment, because there's another person in there. [both laughing]

C: God. Put her in the Victims of Yaoi Poll. But yeah, this is all played funny. But like, this must hurt. Sorry, Aziraphale. [G laughs] Like, he thought this whole- like, he was probably spending this whole time being like, "I really wish I could do something, but I refuse to take initiative 'cause I'm afraid." And he did a thing, and now this is what the result is. F. He does his whole, like, "You can't kill me. There'll be paperwork!" thing. And then, behind him, he hears sounds of the silliest person in the entire world coming down the aisle towards him coming down the aisle towards him! The aisle of a church! [both laughing] In case we cared about that at all! You know. In case we cared! 'Cause this didn't have to happen in a church! It didn't have to happen in a church. Just gonna say that. So-

G: I mean, it did have to happen in a church, 'cause he needs to see the holy water and the ground thing.

C: Sure. Sure. I guess. I guess.

G: I mean, he didn't have to see the holy water, really. I don't fucking know. None of this ever had to happen. Like, why was this book even written? [both laughing]

C: None of this is even in the book or the Bible. So Crowley's hopping down the aisle towards Aziraphale because this church is consecrated ground. "It's like being at the beach in bare feet!" Aziraphale's quite angry that Crowley's here at first, and Crowley goes like, "I'm stopping you getting into trouble." And then Aziraphale goes, "I should have known. Of course. These people are working for you." Huh? Huh?

G: What do you mean "huh?"?

C: Okay, like, the two interpretations are- I think- The thing is, in Paris, 1793, Aziraphale goes like, "Oh, so all of this is your demonic work. Like, you did the Reign of Terror." And Crowley goes like, "No." So that's why it seems like Aziraphale is saying here that Crowley is working with Nazis? Like, he genuinely thinks that that could be a thing? So okay, that's one interpretation. I think the other one, that like, upon a few rewatches, I would like to believe is what's happening instead is just Aziraphale being like, "Oh, like, this, entire, like, crossing, double-crossing, triple-crossing shit has been like, so theatrical, like, I don't think any of these people are spies or anything. They're just like, actors that you paid to play an extended prank on me." Which, like, I don't know. I don't think- I don't know if that's what he's saying. It's what I would like to believe he's saying because the alternative is quite disturbing to me

So Crowley's like, "What? No, they're just some stupid Nazi spies running around London, blackmailing and murdering people. I just didn't want to see you embarrassed." Which, aww! Like, I know it's also an insult, but like, they have to speak through layers, and it's like, "Aww!" Like, he can't say, "I don't want you to get discorporated because it'll take forever for Heaven to give you a new body or whatever." Like, yeah. She's just there to save his ass. Kleinschmidt goes, "Mr. Anthony J. Crowley. Your fame precedes you." So okay, first off, like, what has he been doing? What is he famous for?

G: What has he been doing?

C: Crowley, what are you famous for? What's happening? I'd like to think that its he's been working against them, and that's why he's famous. But like, it's hard to tell, and we don't know.

G: And he is a demon.

C: Yeah. I mean, I don't think that means that much. But yeah. And then, okay, secondly, advent of the name Anthony, and then I started crying again as soon as the next lines happen, which was- Aziraphale goes, "Anthony?" and Crowley goes, "You don't like it?" And Aziraphale goes, "No, no, I didn't say that. I'll get used to it." And... agh. Ahhh. Okay, wait actually, first, before we get into that, the fucking stage- stage thing is that after someone says, like, "The mysterious Anthony J. Crowley. Your fame precedes you." What the script says is, "Aziraphale is softening. They haven't spoken in a hundred years. He's realizing they are still friends."

G: Oh, good lord. [C lets out several pained laughs]

C: Hi! Hello!

G: So after that breakup, they didn't speak for-

C: They didn't speak for- it was 80 years? Yeah, they didn't speak for 80 years. But like, Crowley had to have been keeping tabs in order to know to be here tonight.

G: Yeah.

C: That's something.

G: But Aziraphale just- I mean, Aziraphale, king of repression for first and foremost, so like, he would very well be like, "I've forgotten about you."

C: Yeah. Also, like, "He's realizing they're still friends." is just like- Like, we know that Aziraphale considers them friends, even if he won't say it out loud yet. But like, it's nice to see that. Like, yeah. [screams] Okay. Anyway. So as soon as, you know, this following exchange happened, I went crazy cuckoo bananas forever and ever. Like, let's just go- Okay, so I went and read the Wikipedia page for the name Anthony, and also like, okay, first off, why do we think he picked that name? Like, I think the immediate response is like, the line he came up with in like, 1601 was from Antony and Cleopatra, so like, you know, maybe that's why he picked it.

G: What other things about the word Anthony did you find?

C: So the thing is in Shakespeare, it's spelled with a T and without the H at first. And in the seventeenth century, the letter H was added into the spelling on the belief that the name derived from the Greek word anthos, meaning flower. So, I mean, that's meaningful to me just 'cause I feel like plants and The Garden are a very important part of Crowley's life. And I also, like, as someone like- since he's someone who went from like, Crawly to Crowley, like, changing one letter and like, redefining that name for himself, I think he would like a name whose spelling has changed over the years to like, redefine the meaning of it also. So I think that that is part of it also.

The Wikipedia page also says that Anthony as a Christian name comes from Saint Anthony the Great, who's like a saint who, apparently his two things are that there's a lot of art of him being tempted, [G laughs] and that he protects people with infectious diseases, especially skin diseases. So yeah. It's like, I don't even have like, reasons. It was just like, more me reading everything about the name Anthony, thinking about a way it could apply to Crowley, and then going like, batshit for an hour.

And then the last thing is that it started off as a family name for a Roman family, and the first one of them claims that the name came from a son of Heracles, which I think is very interesting, given like, the story of like, Heracles being tested by the gods, and also like, being forced to betray and kill his own children. Like, these all feel theologically relevant to Crowley and to religion in Good Omens. So, you know, these are these are the three things that I read about.

G: It very well may be just the way I just chose my name, which is, "Yeah. [both laugh] Gotta have a name!" [both laugh] And you know what? You've gotta have a name.

C: Yeah. And I am also curious about how long he's had it. Like, this is the first time it's come up.

G: Yeah. 'Cause it's been 80 years, yeah.

C: It's been 80 years. It's also possible that he had it before that, for all we know.

G: Yeah, and just never bothered to mention it.

C: Yeah, I mean, given Aziraphale's track record. [G laughs] But like, yeah. I just- I also just think that the act of like, having a first name is like, very like, humancore of him. Or just like, you know, it's something that he chose so that he could like, interact with people more, and it's also just like- I don't- it's such a soft name also, in my opinion. I don't know. I just feel crazy at all times forever and ever. And I do think that he probably did come up with it while they were parted because I like the idea of like, when both of them parted ways, they both had a bit of a self-actualization journey, and both of them hung out with humans more, which would necessitate having a first name, and like, with Aziraphale also involved, learning how to dance, and like, pinning down his clothing style. So yeah. I don't know. It's nice, the ways that they have changed when they are away, and it's also so nice when you are the most transgender demon in the garrison, and I have to kiss you so so bad.

G: Yeah.

C: And then Crowley also like, tips his hat for a second. Very cute. And Aziraphale asks, what does the J stand for? And Crowley goes, "Just a J, really." I mean, we've already discussed "What if it's Juliet?"

G: What if it's Juliet?

C: I feel like the main thing I think about during the "Just a J, really" scene is a footnote in the fic "Mutual Aid" that says, "Crowley liked to imagine that the J carried the same radical, transgender spirit as the P in Marsha P. Johnson's name, but in reality, it was more like the lazy S in Harry S. Truman." Very fun. God. I love trans people so much! [both laugh] I'll move on. I'll move on. But I like that the Crawly to Crowley thing is like, during a time when she was like, clearly, like female-presenting and it felt like a transfem thing, and like, here Anthony J. like, feels like, a transmasc thing, especially 'cause like, in the book, Crowley's really into like, James Bond and all that shit, and I feel like a lot of what he's doing right now in the church is like, him having his James Bond euphoria moments. And like, I don't know. It's so fun that they didn't start with a gender, so they can be trans in every direction. Like, he is transfem and transmasc. Like, good for him. Good for him.

G: You can't see me right now- I mean, the audience can't, but like, I'm smiling so goofily. [C laughs] Like, yeah! He is transgender in every direction! It's so lovely.

C: Yeah. He sees the holy water and sort of gets entranced by it for a second, but then the Nazis decide that they're gonna shoot both of them. And at this Crowley, goes like, "Hey, so like, in a minute, there's gonna be a bomb dropped over this church, and if you run away, you might not die." And the Nazis don't believe him. I guess it's nice that he's giving them a chance to run, but also, like, girl, let it happen.

G: Yeah. And like, they say, like, "Oh, it was supposed to drop at the East End, so you're lying." C: And he goes, "It would take a real, like, a last-minute demonic intervention to throw them off-course." And then he says, like, "And if a bomb does land here, it would take a real miracle for my friend and I to survive it." [G screams] It's so casual that I didn't even notice it the first two times I rewatched this episode. He'll just say it! He'll just say it! 'Cause they're friends, and he knows that they're friends.

So, you know, the Nazis don't believe him. And then, you know, bomb- the bomb fucking drops. And honestly, this is maybe a risky thing for him to have done 'cause like, he knows they're going to die and go straight to Hell, where they could like, tell a demon, "Hey, do you know how we died? There was like, this fucking guy with sunglasses, and this, like, other guy like, dressed in a white suit thing, and like, they like, redirected the bomb somehow, and they said they were friends." But like, you know, whatever, not a big deal.

So the smoke clears. Somehow, the bomb puts Aziraphale’s hat back on his head. [both laugh] Slay. And Crowley is like, leaning to the side, cleaning off his sunglasses so that we can see his eyes for like, a brief second when Aziraphale goes, "That was very kind of you." And Crowley does like, this smile that makes me insane crazy, and then goes like, "Shut up" as he puts the glasses back on.

G: I want to point out, you can hear [laughs] distant screaming while this scene was happening.

C: Oh, 'cause of the bombs?

G: Yeah, there's literally this deeply romantic moment happening while alive, innocent locals around them are like, buried in rubble or like, running away or whatever. [laughs]

C: Right, so Crowley redirected the bombs to kill the Nazis, but also like, regular people? [G laughs]

G: I mean, there's gotta be people here, right?

C: Yeah, I guess so. I mean, if they were gonna fall on the other end, I guess people would have died anyway, but like- [laughs] Great point. Girl, what?

G: Screaming! Girl. [both laugh] It was very faint, so maybe I'm like, mishearing it or

whatever, but I think it was there.

C: Maybe. Maybe it was just the Nazis? [G laughs] Huh. Okay. What an interesting thing.

G: What's funny is like, it stops pretty much the moment the Disney Princess falling in love music starts because the music drowns it out. [both laughing] Which I think is crazy.

C: I just love that like, the "Shut up" is just so clearly like, fond, and like, with no bite to it at all. After Paris and after we have to see the horrible wall slam, it's nice to finally have a moment where it's like, they're like so caught up in happiness about seeing each other again for the first time in 80 years(!) and being okay, that, like Crowley's not even thinking about Hell, like, for a second.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. Aziraphale, he makes a joke about how there's no paperwork to like, calm the situation down a bit. And then, well, you all know this scene. "Oh, the books! Oh, I forgot all the books." And then Crowley wrenches the bag out of a dead Nazi's hand and hands it over to Aziraphale, and goes, "Little demonic miracle of my own."

G: And then- [C screams] the corniest Disney princess falling in love music starts. And it literally is. Like, it sounds like a Disney princess falling in love music.

C: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's just so clearly- yeah. And like, Crowley just walks off without looking back, and Aziraphale just stands there, like, stunned.

G: Specifically, Crowley goes, "Lift home?" And like, so they they drove together after this. [laughs] Through the rubble in which people are stuck in and dying. [laughing]

C: Yeah. Jesus. They suck so bad. [G laughs] Tthey don't give a shit.

G: They don't give a single shit.

C: Yeah. Aziraphale stands there, stunned, as the fucking Disney princess falling in love music plays, and he looks after Crowley with this, like, sick, hopeful, I would even say, kind of look.

G: I would say beatific look. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Do you get that reference?

C: Of course I get that fucking reference. [G laughs] No one should think about it.

G: It literally is a beatific look, though. I'm being fucking for real.

C: Yeah. And Michael Sheen has stated that he plays this as the moment Aziraphale either fell in love or realized that he had fallen in love with Crowley. Well. That sure was a fucking scene.

G: I want to point out that- so I watched the YouTube clip of this several times, repeatedly. And I took a look at the comments, and one was, "Saving the books was sweet, but walking on scalding, consecrated ground to save Aziraphale paperwork. Now, that's friendship." [both laugh] And I felt so strongly opposed to this idea. So strongly opposed. Because, like, the saving him in the church, it's like-

C: A generic thing.

G: It's nice. But also, if Aziraphale was any other being that Crowley is trying to save, this is what he’d do, you know? He would do this. But it's the book that screams personalization. The saving is nice, but saving the box is like, Crowley screaming, "I know you! This is for you! Like, I'm doing this specifically for you!" And I like that so much. Like, I've said this to you, but the music, even. The music when he enters is like, "Haha! It's so funny! Look at him tippy-toeing!" And then, as the bomb falls, nothing. There's no music. And then the book music is like, "Hey, guys, look at this. Like, this is love in all the ways that we know it and some that we don't." [C makes pained sounds] Like, it's so deeply, deeply, deeply romantic, it's crazy

C: Yeah. Yeah. They're in wuv.

G: They're in wuv.

C: I have one last thing, which is that- Did you notice the, like, bird statue in the church, like, the big ol' stone eagle?

G: No. But what's with it?

C: It's a set piece. It's behind the Nazis when they talk. When the bomb explodes, it is a little bit on fire and behind Aziraphale, for, like, you know, the good ol' wing motif. The idea that his wings are burning as falls in love sure is a thing.

G: Okay, slay.

C: And secondly, that statue is in Crowley's flat. It is in his apartment. In Episode 2 at minute 3:01, you can see it right next to his television. It is the same one. And if he's leaving right now to give Aziraphale a ride, it means that, like, sometime during the night, he was filled with such sick longing that he went back to to the church and like, fished that out as a souvenir and put it in his fucking flat. So.

G: What if they are in love in all the ways that we know it and some that we don't? Have we considered that?

C: What if? What if?

G: What if? [C screams]

C: Yeah. Also, while I was doing my rewatch to find the right timestamp for the set piece, I also- There's a statue that's like, behind Crowley during the plant scene that's like, two angels or perhaps an angel and a demon wrestling, and like, shirtless. [G laughs]

G: Good for him.

C: And fucking Neil Gaiman posted about it on Instagram. Like, he said he was talking to the set designer, and they were like, "Oh, it's a statue of like, evil triumphing over good, like, they're wrestling." And Neil said, "Are you sure they're wrestling?"

G: Slay.

C: So slay.

G: Okay. It's been two hours, I think. But let's go on to the last scene of this flashback sequence.

C: Let us.

G: We are in Soho, 1967, and we open the scene with like, a very nice like, psychedelic pop, as the subtitles called it, electric guitar music to signal that we are in the modern era with modern music. And I'm so bitter because I tried to look for this song in the Spotify soundtrack. It's not there.

C: Oh, would it be on Tunefind, then?

G: No, I mean, it's the theme, but it's psychedelic pop electric guitar. And there's like, a song in the album that's like, guitar-ish, and it's what plays at the end of the episodes, I think, except for this one, 'cause in this one they played this version. But like, that one is different. It's more like, a heavy rock guitar, not like [sings theme in style], like, you know. And I'm very bitter and very sad, but anyway.

C: Something about this scene is that it's the first Crowley POV in the entire flashback sequence.

G: Oh, yeah. Oof. It is.

C: And, it just feels like as soon as Aziraphale realizes he's in love, he's like, "I can't be telling this story anymore. It's too dangerous." or something. It feels like that. And it's also just it's also just such a moment of like, you come back to Crowley POV, and you're like, she doesn't know. Like, maybe she knows, but like, she doesn't know. Like, she doesn't know that this is the story of them that Aziraphale has in his head. Yeah. Anyway. Back to heist.

G: Oh my god. Oh my god. [laughs] Anyway, back to the heist. So Crowley is sitting in this like, secluded booth in a restaurant with two people-

C: And controversial hair.

G: I love this. I love this hair.

C: I think the first time I watched it, I was like, "Eugh. That's not right," but like, upon rewatch, it's fun.

G: It is right.

C: And she's wearing like, a fun little black turtleneck. It's great.

G: Hell yeah. A guy enters the booth, and we realize that this guy is Shadwell, but like, in '67, so much younger. And if you're like me and you don't recognize the name Shadwell at all, it's the witchhunter, like, Newton's boss.

C: Wait, when did you realize that? So you didn't know?

G: Yeah, I didn't. I realized it when- you know what's so funny? 'Cause when later, Shadwell was like, "Oh, and we have a Witchfinders Army," like, still in '67, I was like, "Oh, this is like, related to the witch hunter." [both laugh] I didn't realize it was him. I only realized it later when old Shadwell tells Crowley, like, "You look like your dad." And I was like, "Ohh! Okay." So, yeah.

C: Well, remember last episode when you were like, "I'm so intrigued about these human agents that they supposedly had. What did Crowley mean by 'They're not sophisticated politically'?" Well, here's your answer.

G: No, it's so funny to me. They literally are not sophisticated politically, you guys.

C: Both of them are getting scammed to hell and back by the same guy.

G: [laughs] Yeah. So with these three people, we realize that Crowley is setting up a heist in a church, and he doesn't say what the thing they're heisting is yet, so. But, you know, we know it's the holy water.

C: Aziraphale literally saved him from getting embarrassed. Imagine like, these people have $200, like, down in their pockets, and she's like, "Oh, yeah, just like, go over to that fountain and scoop something in a cup for me. Thanks."

G: So when Crowley heads out, Shadwell stops him and tells him like, "Oh, I'm- as I've said earlier, I'm Lance Corporal of an enormous secret army that battles the forces of witchery." And Crowley is like, "Oh, yeah, okay." And Shadwell goes, "It's the Witchfinder Army. Perhaps you've heard of it." And the thing is, throughout this entire scene, Crowley has been speaking in a different way than he usually does. 'Cause throughout history, and now, in recent times, like, he usually like, slurs his words, or like, stutters and like, makes you think that he's finding it hard to find the word in his head. He like, repeats syllables, you know? But in this scene, he has spoken straight. Like, he's spoken with much exuding of confidence, and like, it's obvious he's trying to command the room and all that crap. But the moment Shadwell was like, "Oh, yeah, I have this secret thing, and now I'm just saying it to you like, willy-nilly," he loses his cadence, and he goes, "Wh- wh- I thought you said it was a secret." And I just think that's like, a wonderful acting choice that like [C laughs], he's like, so taken aback that this guy's just telling him things that he's like, "What?" Yeah. I think it's wonderful

C: If we go back to the heist scene for a second there, like, two very unimportant things. One, I love how Crowley pronounces, like, "schtum," like, when he's like, explaining the last $100. It's so cute. And secondly, Shadwell is asking like, "Hey, is there any witchcraft involved in like, this whole thing?" And he asks, like, "You yourself are not a witch, warlock, or someone who calls your cat funny names, right?" And Crowley goes, "Not a witch. Don't have any pets." So he's skipping the warlock part of the question, which I think is fun, because it's either like, he's like, lying by omission, because, like, currently, if he is male-presenting, like, he is a warlock 'cause he does use magic, or it's like, if she currently feels more girl mode, then it's like, "The warlock question isn't even applicable to me right now." It feels transgender. It's fun.

G: Yeah! Anyway, Shadwell offers the services of the army to Crowley, and then I realized that Crowley's people are, you know, this guy and the army. His not-so-sophisticated, politically-speaking people. So when all that's done, he walks to the Bantley, and as he enters, Aziraphale appears there in the passenger seat.

C: Yeah. He couldn't just walk? He literally lives here.

G: The thing is, this scene starts off with Crowley being a bit antagonistic. Like, not antagonistic, I guess, but like, he's like, "Oh, what are you doing here?" Like, that, you know. And Aziraphale tells him that like, "Oh, I live here in Soho. I work here. And I've heard things, and I've heard that you're planning to rob a church."

C: This does beg the question, why did Crowley set up the heist in Soho?

G: You think he's asking for Aziraphale's attention?

C: I don't know. Because it doesn't feel like it.

G: I don't think so.

C: Aziraphale showing up, Crowley has no sense of like, "I did it. It worked" in her, so like, I don't think so. But it could have been like, subconscious or something.

G: Where does Crowley live? Where is his flat?

C: Mayfair?

G: Where the hell is that?

C: I don't know. Let's go on Google fucking maps. I mean, everything in England is like, two hours' drive away from each other, like, max.

G: It's an eight minute situation. It's very near each other.

C: [laughs] It's an eight-minute drive? Oh, yeah, I'm getting a five-minute drive, 13-minute walk. [both laugh]

G: Literally, he can walk there. I love that.

C: That's so nice.

G: So maybe he was just like, "Let's go over to the other town. Why not?"

C: Yeah. I think Soho is more of like- right, you said it was like, more of like, a red light district or whatever at one time? So yeah, I guess it'd be easier to find someone to do a heist for you there.

G: Yeah. Well, anyway, Aziraphale tells him like, "Oh, it's too dangerous." And Crowley's like, "Yeah, you told me that 105 or so years ago, and I didn't change my mind." And Aziraphale's like, "Yeah, I've not changed my mind, but I can't let you do this. Like, I can't have you risk your life in this way."

C: Specifically, he says earlier, like, "Holy water won't just kill your body. It will destroy you completely," which is the exact same sentence structure as 1601, where he tells Crowley, "Hell won't just be angry. They'll destroy you." which yeah, yeah. Something to think about!

G: He hands Crowley this thermos of holy water so Crowley doesn't have to rob the church anymore. And Crowley like, looks at this and goes like, "Wow. After everything you've said to me?" and Aziraphale's like, "Yeah." So he puts the thermos down, turns to Aziraphale, and goes, "Should I say thank you?" And Aziraphale is like, sitting so nervously on the seat, and he goes, "Better not." And Crowley asks, "Can I drop you anywhere?" [C screams] And Aziraphale goes, "No, thank you."

C: Ah, it's just about like, Crowley can't say thank you, so like, "Here's a service that I can provide instead of saying thank you," and then Aziraphale rejects it with a voiced "thank you" 'cause they're back in a safe zone where they can say things in real words again. And it's so much! It's a lot.

G: Yeah.

C: Also, I love that the thermos is like, tartan, 'cause like, that's Aziraphale's whole like, visual motif thing. I'm like, curious about if this is something that he had that he like, brought over, or if, like, he bought one specifically that was like, customized or something. Do you know what I mean? Where did it come from?

G: Yeah. I mean, to be fair, every thermos that my grandmother [C laughs] is also like this. So I think maybe it's just of the era.

C: Yeah, perhaps so.

G: Crowley is still looking at Aziraphale, and Aziraphale looks at him and goes, "Oh, don't look so disappointed. [C screams] Perhaps one day we can... I don't know. Go for a picnic. Dine at the Ritz?" [C screams] And Crowley, in the softest voice he has ever put on this entire time, goes, "I'll give you a lift. Anywhere you want to go." [C screams] And Aziraphale just looks at him and says, "You go too fast for me, Crowley." And then he leaves. [C screaming] Is anyone else seeing this? Anyone else here? [C makes pained sound]

C: Who up throwing up and screaming and crying and sobbing? I.

G: I mean, what you said, of like, "Should I say thank you?" and it's like, "No," and then, "Can I drop you anywhere?" And it's like, he's extending this hand of gratitude and affection, you know, or whatever. And Aziraphale goes, "No." to both. Don't say thank you, don't drop me off. And the next thing Crowley says is like, basically, it's like, "To make it clear, I am willing to do it. Like, I will give you a lift, and I will do things for you," and like, it literally is like, "You did this thing for me, 'cause, you know, you do things for me. And I will do things for you." And Aziraphale basically just goes, "Well, don't." And it makes me- [laughs]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: It makes me so upset. And also, after saying, "No, thank you." like, Aziraphale could have just left. He could have just left. Like, that was the end of the conversation, pretty much. But like, he didn't. And you can see in the way he's acting, the way he's holding himself, he's glancing over and over again, he had to explain himself, because this is- like, he has thought about this. He wanted to say it. Like, he wanted to say this specific thing. It's a confession in a way, right? It's like-

C: You can only reject a thing if the thing is already there. Like, this is a "Yes, there is something between us" moment.

G: Yeah, like, it's a confession of like, "I will do this thing because, you know, I care about you" and etc. God, [laughing] I can't even say like, "I love you" in Aziraphale voice because it's like, it's too much! It literally is, though. But like, it's also a rejection in the "You go too fast for me." And like, it's a rejection, for now. I mean, the way it's, you know, said, it's like, "Perhaps one day." But also, it's not a promise. Like, "perhaps one day" is not "definitely one day." It's "It may happen, and it may not, but not right now."

C: Yeah. You said to me once- you were like, "It suddenly hit me that like, they really are immortal, and 'perhaps one day' means-" like, they can always have hope because, like, there will always be days that like, maybe something can change, and perhaps one day we can be together that way. And then, like, Armageddon hits, and it's like, "Oh. Those days are fucking limited. And we can't. Ever."

G: Yeah. Yeah.

C: And there's also the fact that they do fucking dine at the Ritz! They dine at the fucking Ritz in Episode 1. They dine at the Ritz in a way that implies that they've done it before. And like, god. First off, like, hilarious moment when Aziraphale first invites Crowley to the Ritz, and Crowley's like, “Holy shit, it’s happening. I can finally fuck that fussy old boulder,” [both laugh] and then nothing happens. Oh, for context, there is a fic called-

G: [laughs] That fussy old boulder, yeah.

C: Let me find the name of the fic because I don't remember the name of the fic. The fic is by spocklee on AO3, s-p-o-c-k-l-e-e. Okay, the fic is called "a German song famously covered by 21 year old Wayne Newton in 1963," and it has the line, "Didn't Sisyphus ever win? Didn't he ever get to fuck that fussy old boulder or what?" from Crowley's point of view, and it's just been running on a loop through my brain, or like, I've been running on a loop through that line, for, like, the last week after reading it, 'cause it's so fucking funny, and like, every time something, like, crazy sexual tension happens this episode, I do think, like, "When will he get to fuck that fussy old boulder?"

C: What do you think the "you go too fast for me" means? Like, what is he trying to say? And also, what do you think Crowley got from it? Like, what do you think he think of it? 'Cause there is the aspect of like, "Let's slow down," you know. But there's also the whole, like, "You are fundamentally too fast for me. It's never gonna change." And I do wonder, like, how they meant it and how they absorbed it, both of them.

C: Yeah. I mean, it's hard to- because, like, Aziraphale looks so, like, despairing when he says it. Like, it's not just like a "Let's have a nice communication about pace in our relationship" sort of look. It's like a- I don't- I mean, but there is the "perhaps one day," and it's hard for me to know how much he even means the "perhaps one day," either. Like, the tone, is very like, "This is just wishful thinking, but I want it, but we can never, ever, ever have it" is like, the vibe that I get from, just like, how fucking depressed both of them look at this conversation. But like, I don't know what he meant. I think it was just like, I don't even know if he knew what he meant. I think it was just that like- 'Cause you said that you thought that this was something he'd sort of like, thought through and wanted to say for a while. I don't know if I really got that vibe from him. I feel like he was just like, in a moment of like, complete and abject misery.

Like, okay, first of all, he just gave Crowley the thing that he thinks is a suicide pill, right? Like, that colors the scene immensely. Like, this is like, a moment when he's like, "I have just given her the tools by which she can leave forever."

G: Destroy herself, yeah.

C: Like, that's part of it. He's like, upset about that. And it's like, "Our time is even more limited than I thought it was, because before, I thought it was forever, but like, now it might not be. And also, I'm just like, so abjectly miserable right now, and you are like, here and offering me something, and I just can't do it. I just can't do it. Like, I'm not even thinking about the future. I just in this moment am so sad." is sorta just the vibe I got.

G: When I said that, like, he had to explain himself, I think it's less of like, he thought about saying it. I meant like, he thought about this. Like, it's in his head. I do agree with you that like, it's kind of like, a spur of the moment situation. Like, he wanted to say it, but he didn't like, go in thinking, "I will say it." But him staying there and being like, "I'll stay here after the 'no, thank you.'" Like, that hesitation comes from like, "But there's gotta be more, right?" you know? Like, that feeling. "I have to say more, right? I have to make clear. I have to explain myself."

C: Yeah. Yeah. As for what Crowley got out of it, I know what book Crowley would have gotten out of it because book Crowley is an optimist. I don't think show Crowley is an optimist, but I think there would be a moment of like, "Shit. Like, it isn't just me. Holy shit." which-

G: I don't think it happens here.

C: Hm. Okay. We can discuss that. [G laughs] But I think that- I don't know. It is like, the same thing as it's always been. It's just like, that, like, they said it out loud a little bit more than they usually do, but not even that much either. So I feel like there's the moment of like, "Okay, I wasn't just imagining things," and then the like, "But it doesn't change a single fucking thing, does it?" So I think this is where the four questions-

G: [laughs] Yeah, sure. Let's fucking go through the four questions. Me and Crystal-

C: Grey and I independently, while we were rewatching this sequence, were like, "There are four specific questions that we have to ask each of these characters separately." And they are-

G: And then we sent it to each other like, at this same- [laughs] like, literally same, like, within five seconds of each other, we listed out these four questions.

C: We didn't even say there are four questions first. It's just like, we both knew what we wanted to say. And the four questions are: When did you fall in love? When did you know that you were in love? When did you know that the other person was in love with you? And when did you know that the other person knew that they were in love with you? [G laughs]

G: What is this? Let's not- it's too complicated to get it in here, all. So maybe one day-

C: Mm-hm. Perhaps one day. [laughs]

G: Perhaps one day, we can dine at the Ritz. Or make a special episode where we discuss all this shit. But- 'cause the thing is, I don't think I have enough of the picture yet. Like, it's still a big story. So maybe this could be a question reserved for after we finish Season 2.

C: Sure. But you think that all of these timestamps have happened before the present day, at least, right? Or have they not?

G: I think the falling in love and realizing the love for Crowley has happened.

C: Oh, absolutely.

G: For Crowley, "When did you realize that Aziraphale is in love," probably betwixt '41 and '67, right?

C: Between, you think. So you think it happened before this?

G: Yeah. I don't think necessarily it happened before, but I think it may well have happened before. And Crowley thinking that Aziraphale knows that Aziraphale is- has feelings. [laughing] What is it with me? Did you notice that? I was saying like, "When did Crowley realize that Aziraphale blah blah blah," and when it was, Aziraphale, saying that Aziraphale is in love, I stopped myself, and went, "Has feelings?" [both laughing] I'm in too deep! I'm in too fucking deep.

C: I mean, it really is, like. Yeah. Yeah.

G: Yeah. I don't think he's known it yet. For Crowley. I don't think he knows it yet.

C: Yeah, I think I go back and forth on that one. But yeah.

G: You agree with me generally?

C: I think I agree that he realized that the feelings were returned after '41. I mean, honestly, it could have been earlier. Like, Aziraphale didn't know he was in love, but he has been in love.

G: It well may be.

C: It well may be. [makes pained sounds]

G: For this general section, I have a thought that I want to share, and it's about the fact that there is no God narration in the entire scenes of the past. Like, we hear God at the beginning asking, but that's not a God narration. That's just God is part of the story, and God is there. But the fact that this is the only part so far in the story that doesn't have God saying anything, like, it made me think, like, "Why? Was God not here? Did she not take any interest?" Like, God narrates Aziraphale and Crowley's story now because the apocalypse is happening, and they’re central to it. The fact that She doesn't bother to narrate this history juju parts is that 1) It makes it seem like She wasn’t looking at all this. Like, She doesn’t give a shit. And 2) it makes the show, at least to this point in the story, very explicitly not about Aziraphale and Crowley’s feelings for each other or relationship. The scenes we see that are related to the plot and narrated by God and all that are the scenes that are relevant to God. And these aren't. So it makes you go, "Oh. So what are we not privy to? Like, what are we not seeing?" And the answer is these moments. You know, it's moments of connection. Moments where either the sole or most prevalent importance is to show us their connection. And like, the fact that God, here, doesn’t care to tell this story is so stark in comparison to Supernatural, which- in Supernatural, for example, it deals with the God question in a "God is completely obsessed with our main characters, sees them all the time, knowledgeable of their every move," all that. But like, not here. In here, God just doesn't care to tell this part of the story. And there's this song by The Mountain Goats [C laughs] called "Jenny"-

C: Yup.

G: - and there’s a lyric that goes, "We were the one thing in the galaxy God didn't have his eyes on.'' And the thing about Crowley and Aziraphale is, this was true. God didn't have Her eyes on them for a long time. [laughs] This is so earnest! This is so earnest! But I hope by the end of this season, it gets to be true again, and I hope that this time, they realize that God isn't looking, and that that's a good thing, and that they're able to savor it.

C: [teary laugh] I'm like, tearing up?

G: Great! [both laughing] I hope I die. God, it's so earnest. What is wrong with me? Well, it is what it is.

C: Yeah. It really is what it is. I guess from my perspective, it's like, I know that none of this was in the book, so like, there wouldn't be narration because the narration is just lines from the book, but like, I love the way that making the narrator God and adding scenes like this in makes that interpretation that you said very viable. It's a good time. And I guess, as someone who's like, "This isn't in the book," my thoughts around the flashback sequence is more just like, "I wonder why this is here in this episode. Like, what purpose does it lend to the present day plot for us to know that this is their history?" And like, it can't just be to make Aziraphale look so bad. [laughs] Like, that can't be all of it. But it is like, my automatic emotional response as a Crowley guy. What do you think this adds to like, the later scenes?

G: I don't know. I don't know. 'Cause like, it really does feel like, just, "This is who they are." You know? It's like, it doesn't- when we get to it, we will talk about it further, but I do not understand Aziraphale later. What is he doing?

C: Okay, you know what, I was basically banking on you being an Aziraphale understander and like, being able to explain what the fuck is happening at the bandstand to me, but, like, clearly, neither of us know! What was that? [both laugh]

G: What's going on inside of his mind? I don't know. Like, why is he so desperate now to be on Heaven's side? Like, what is it? [both]` I don't know.

C: Okay, well, we're gonna have to have a very confused discussion then. But yeah, okay, I don't- Maybe another way to put it is like, if, like, you had up to three takeaways from the flashbacks, like, what would they be?

G: One is- Well, prior to this, I don't think I knew about the arrangement.

C: They mentioned it in Episode 1, but you weren't paying as much attention in Episode 1.

G: That's true. IDGAF back then, but now I GAF so hard and so raw. [C laughs] I don't know. What do I take away from this? They're in love?

C: Yeah. [laughs] They are in love.

G: I woke up shaking three hours into my sleep because they're so in love it's unreal? What is your takeaway? You answer it first.

C: Okay, I think my takeaway is first, just like, a continued thing of like, "Here's their history where Aziraphale won't say things out loud. Crowley also won't say things out loud, but like, in a way that covers up that he won't say things out loud." And like, he's always the one who's like there to say the thing that Aziraphale won't say or to like, get him to do like, something that he wants to do but like, can't do himself, and that's also what Aziraphale's there for. Like, both of them like, generally know what the other person wants, and then allows them to do it. I think it's that like, I think- Aziraphale's fear for their safety. I mean, both of them's fear for their safety, but especially Aziraphale's fear for their safety is like, really expanded upon here. And like, we see how, throughout time, they would have to like, meet secretively and like, all that shit. So I feel like that gives their collaboration more weight in terms of the risk.

G: Oh. I've realized- I've realized my takeaway.

C: Okay. Great.

G: They broke up before, and they're breaking up now, but they'll be fine. I think that's a takeaway. Honestly, that's my takeaway.

C: I think that's also a thing. I think that St. James's Park was like, a "Yeah like, they've done this before." Like, they fight about things, and they don't really communicate afterwards, but they do come back together in some way.

G: Except now there's a deadline because end of the world and whatnot.

C: Crowley always saving Aziraphale also feels like a takeaway. Also, totally new thing that they added to the show. I feel like they're like- I know this isn't about making Aziraphale look bad, but a lot of it does feel like it's making Aziraphale look bad because it's like, a lot of like, "Crowley knows better" sort of scenes. Like, it could have been like, a rescue and then a rescue the other way around, but it wasn't.

G: I think that's actually very important to me that it's Crowley who's always showing up for Aziraphale. So when the last scene happens, it's like, "Oh. Okay." Do you know what I mean?

C: Hmm. In what way?

G: [laughs] So you don't know what I mean. This is so sad. Well, I think it makes it more like, all this time, Crowley has been saving Aziraphale and all that and all that, and it's always shown to be like, something you can brush off. Something that's like, "Oh, it's not a big deal" to Crowley, at least. But most of them are big deals to Aziraphale. And specifically, Aziraphale always either refusing or attempting to refuse, like, in, you know, 1601, like, he's like, "No, no no no. Okay, fine." Like, that attitude makes it that when he does eventually go, "Okay. I'll do it." like, that makes it more like, a realization for Crowley, that like, it is a big deal, and yet he's doing it because- something. [laughs]

C: Yeah. I feel like all the loud, flashy, acts of service are Crowley like, rescuing Aziraphale, but it ends with Aziraphale doing something for Crowley, like, giving her the holy water. And that's like, we don't really understand the details of that. But that's like, clearly a big deal because it's like, something that Aziraphale could get into a lot of trouble for, and that, like, Crowley wouldn't even be able to say out loud in the park, where they have all their secret meetings. Like, it is like way more taboo than like, maybe anything else that like, they've ever done. So like, I feel like that is like a- I think they could have framed it a little better to make that clearer. But, like, that is the like, moment of like, Aziraphale doing his part or whatever the fuck. And also, like, they're allowed to show their love in different ways, also.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, Aziraphale agreeing to the Arrangement is like, a big deal, as you said. Everything that he agrees to, like, when Crowley convinces him to do it is a big deal. Like, that is a huge act of love and trust on Aziraphale's part. So, yeah, Yeah. They're so in love, it's unreal!

G: In all the ways that we know it, and some that we don't.

C: Uh-huh.

G: Okay, so that's it for the first part of the episode. So what we're going to do is we're going to cut this podcast into a Part 1, Part 2. So we'll have 3.1 releasing today and then 3.2 four days from now? I don't know.

C: Yeah. Something like that.

G: It's gonna be there. It's not gonna be a the next week situation 'cause we want- Well, I want to watch [laughs] Good Omens already, so I'm not gonna wait a week for that. So yeah! Follow us on social media! We interact through the account set up for our Supernatural commentary podcast, Busty Asian Beauties. So we are on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. And email us at [email protected]. Please do it. Please talk to us. 'Cause, yeah, as you can see, we have a lot to say. [laughs]

C: Yeah. And if you have other interpretations or other takeaways for the flashbacks and all that, would love to hear them genuinely. Yeah. Thanks to everyone who’s donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod! See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[theme song]

[beep]

[C screams]

G: Shall we start?

C: I mean, sure, let's start. [laughing] Yeah.

G: [laughing] I'm losing it.

C: What? Yeah, I- This is either gonna be the worst or the best episode of a podcast we've ever recorded, because, like, we care so deeply-

G: I care so much!

C: - but also, we're bonkers to the fucking wall. Like, I'm having a nervous breakdown. I'm gonna start eating wallpaper. Okay.

G: [laughing] I dreamt about them constantly [both laughing] this week. It's crazy.

C: Do you wanna drop the timeloop dream, or do you wanna keep that to write? [G laughs]

G: Well, we can add this section at the end, you know, like, as a- But like, I had this timeloop dream, like, immediately after- As in, like I said, I watched it on Sunday. 3-5AM, I had this dream. It was so vivid in my mind that when I woke up, like, you know you have a tendency to be like, "Is that a dream or a memory?" And like, I was just like, "It just happened, I guess, in the show." [laughs] But the dream was that Aziraphale keeps- they're stuck in a timeloop, and Aziraphale keeps getting into trouble-

C: In 1941.

G: Yeah, in the 1941 with the Nazi spies. And then, like, Crowley would, every single night, have to redirect the bomb somewhere else [laughs] so to save Aziraphale's ass. Which like, I mean, the concept is good, actually. Like, that's a good concept for something.

C: I agree.

G: But like, I literally woke up, and I was like, shaking and everything. And then I rewatched the episode, and I was like, "That didn't fucking happen." [C laughs]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: That's literally not what happened!

C: It's not what happened.

G: But the brain is an imaginative thing.

C: I mean, it could have been what happened.

G: It could have been.

C: We just saw the last iteration of the timeloop.

G: Yeah.

C: Yep.

G: [sighs] Let's start.

C: Yeah, okay. Let's start. Wait [laughing], okay, I have to breathe. [both laughing]

G: Let us go, baby

C: Okay.

G: Also-

C: Yeah?

G: This is like, the first episode in our history of podcasting that I have put in this amount of effort pre-recording. Like, I have 11 pages of notes, [laughing] which is crazy.

C: I have 22 pages of notes if anyone's counting. But, yeah, no, my entire Good Omens notes document is 43 pages long [G laughing] for these three episodes, and pages 21-43 are this episode.

[beep]

C: I wanted to tell a really long unrelated anecdote here, but I don't know if I want to anymore, so I guess we can move on, maybe.

G: You can if you like, but okay. It's okay.

C: Okay. No, you know what? You know what? I'll do it. I'm brave and strong. Why am I saying it like that? It's not even an anything anecdote. Okay, so the thing about like, this is that it means that for the last 500 years, Aziraphale's thinking about Crowley with the wrong name. You know what I mean?

G: Yeah.

C: It's not like, just a slip of the tongue sort of thing. Like, it means that like, when he corrected himself in Rome, it was like, that was like, the first time in 8 years he'd thought of Crowley with the right name, and here, it's like, "Wow, for 500 years, he just got it wrong." And like, an opposite story in my life is, okay, so like, I told Danica that, like, my pronouns were changing to they/them in like, high school at some point, right? And then, our situations are such that, like, we really only hang out one-on-one, so there's never-

G: Another person, yeah.

C: - a time when she would have to use my pronouns, right?

G: To refer to you in third, yeah.

C: Yeah. So we spend like, two years like that, and like, the whole time, it's like, good, but like, I guess I am thinking like, "Well, like, when I'm not here, does she get it right? Is she thinking about me correctly? Or like, am I always going to be her girl best friend from sixth grade?" And then like, okay, so like, first, like, okay, someone getting your pronouns right is like, a sign, potentially that they are viewing you correctly in their brain, but it could also just mean that they have a really great, like, brain-to-mouth filter, and that each time, like, while you're there, they're like, on alert, or whatever, so they can translate in the moment, but they're still thinking of you wrong, right? So I was like, "Okay, like, I guess I'll probably just never know." But luckily I did end up knowing, and how I ended up knowing is that the first time I hung out with Danica in a group, which was like, two years after the new pronouns, it was also like, a few days after another friend of ours had recently come out and changed his name and pronouns. So like, we were all together in a group. And sorry to our other friend, but Danica got all my pronouns right, and then fucked up on his name and pronouns a few times, so that was like, simultaneously like a [G laughing] "So she doesn't have a good brain-to-mouth filter, and she is getting my pronouns right," so as a result [both laughing], yeah, I win. I did it. I'm correct in her brain. Hell yeah!

G: God.

C: And again, really sorry to that other guy. Like, she corrected herself, and like, we're good now, obviously, but like, [laughing] it made me really, really happy. And you know what? Aziraphale, do better.

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