#i was wary of it to begin now this just solidified it for me

[butchvamp]

i need sapphic vampire authors to STOP with the retellings. enough. original characters NOW

[lizzybeth1986]

Hana and Madeleine: When You Reward Your Favourite Bully with One of Her Victims

Series - TRR's Alternative LIs: The "Romances" That Didn't Happen

Previous - Maxwell and Penelope: When You Like the Side Character So Much, You Gift Her A Shiny New LI

A/N1: Apologies, again, for the length of this. There was so much damn retconning to wade through that it felt like a rollercoaster to write. There is also not going to be a lot of Hana in this, as I needed to unravel so many inconsistencies in Madeleine's writing. I also didn't want this to become a repeat of my essay series on Hana (which you can read here).

CW: Descriptions of bullying and intimidation, as well as dismissiveness of the same both in canon and from fandom. A mention of the 'infertility' plotline written for Hana in TRH1. Mentions of parental abuse and neglect.

In every other essay in this series, it's been important for me to analyse the potential of the pairings TRR went for. No matter how badly PB handled them later on, one could find promise in the possibilities of these pairings, and if written well they could result in a sweet, happy ending for the LIs we didn't marry. With a better sense of balance from the writers and less vitriol and double standards (in some cases) from the fandom, they could have worked.

Not so for this pairing.

In the case of Hana and Madeleine,it would have been far far better if this pairing had never happened at all. The problem wasn't just in the development; the roots of such a pairing itself were rotten.

(White) Female Antagonists

Before I delve into the characters involved in this pairing, it's important we take another deep dive into a narrative practice we often see with PB. Their blatant favouring of specifically white female antagonists.

Now, it's not as if white men in antagonistic roles don't get favourable writing from their teams and adulation from sections of the fandom (one has to only look at some of the posts Gaius Augustine of BB, Caleb of Hero, and Kane of TE got - just to name a few). But we also often see fans of such white women decry the (very little compared to their black counterparts) condemnation that their faves get for their actions in comparison to both antagonistic and romanceable white men. Such readers often neglect to acknowledge exactly how much the narrative bends over backwards to accomodate them, in a way that they never have done for even mildly hostile/wary black and brown women. And often this is with ample support and encouragement within the fandom itself.

One cannot even pretend this is a recent development. The early books had their fair share of white-woman-adulation and you can see some of the patterns that would solidify in PB discourse already take shape in their early books.

One excellent example of this is TCaTF. Compare the treatment that white women like Helene Leventis, Hex and Zenobia Nevrakis are given, to what Rowan Thorn - a black woman - gets. Helene is allowed to escape never to return, or join Kenna, despite being the woman who killed her mentor and close friend Gabriel. Hex is well known in the series for her sadistic torture devices and for destroying an extremely prosperous kingdom. Yet, she is captured - alive - and there are two options that allow her a bit more mercy, and only one that recommends the harshest of punishments. Rowan in the meantime only betrays Kenna if the latter is an absolute tyrant to her, and letting her go if she betrays her is touted as a failure. Her loyalty doesn't ensure she will live like Diavolos' does - you can in fact leave her to die if you don't have enough diamonds/prestige points.

The Freshman was an improvement on this: even if Becca Davenport started out as a classic college mean girl, her redemption arc involved her needing to work to regain trust with the group and her best friend Madison, regardless of the MC's fondness of her. Her housemates immediately set her straight when she lashes out at them at the beginning of TS, and Becca has to plan for almost a-book-and-a-half to get her friendship with Madison back to normal again.

Sadly, this is something that rarely ever happened again. Discrepancies in character treatment became more and more obvious as the years passed. Books where black and brown women behaved even mildly unimpressed or catty with the MC, showed them either suffering grievous fates or written out of the narrative (eg. Scarlett not even getting a proper future in the VoS bonus scene) or being mistrusted and misunderstood constantly by the MC and their friends (Aurora). Books where white women could cause grievous harm depicted them being let off without so much as a slap on the wrist (eg. Aunt Mallory of RoE being rewarded with a happy life, a man and reconciliation with the niece she tried to kill and the daughter she emotionally abused).

(Screenshots from SavageLordBarlow's YouTube channel)

Perhaps the worst and most obvious case to date was that of Vanessa Blackwood of MoTY, who called a young child "guttersnipe" within minutes of encountering her, outed a lesbian teacher, encouraged her son's bullying, provided legal counsel to the MC's ex husband just to see the woman suffer, and engineered a plot to frame the MC for theft so she could lose her job. Once Vanessa had crossed her limits, PB ensured they laid on the sympathy narrative thick, having her show sad faces when the MC scolded her in a paywall scene, punishing only her brown lackey (both the white people involved - Vanessa and Guy - are never named when Tallulah is exposed, even though she literally stole jewellery and framed the MC for them). In the series finale, Vanessa was rewarded with a cushy diamond scene where the MC can choose (in what is the understatement of the century) to call her "classist and a little bit racist" - all she is given at the end of the book is an extremely softball form of criticism.

Compare this to Xanthe of ACOR, who had far less power, who was repeatedly slut shamed by the MC and others for doing her job, and whose end was met in a "comical" scene that implied she'd been sold into sexual slavery while two black members of her scholae gloated over her plight (in a manner so uncharacteristic of them that even players who didn't necessarily like Xanthe were shocked. I would highly recommend you read @cassiopeiacorvus' excellent essay on her, "Xanthe: Courtesan, Rival, Pawn").

In an essay I'd written years ago, I'd noted the following:

"Check out who the narrative rewards you for treating well, as opposed to who will be made to support you either way.

You're allowed to show basic decency to a black or brown woman. But you're expected to show kindness, understanding and empathy to a white woman, and richly rewarded if you do. In some cases you will also face consequences if you don't. (Fandom - take note of the difference, and be sure not to forget it)."

Madeleine Amaranath is probably one of the best examples of this - with blatant retcons, unfounded adulation and obvious pandering lasting over five books.

Rules of Engagement

When we look at the full cast of TRR, we find at least six characters who are callbacks to its sister series, Rules of Engagement. Leo, Constantine, Regina, Bastien, Madeleine and Rashad (the last one was an addition from TRR2 onwards). Part of TRR's appeal as a series was its ability to reference the earlier one through these characters, but this time from the PoV of Leo's younger brother instead.

Madeleine appeared in only 2 chapters in RoE. She was Leo's fiancée, in an arranged match that not only their parents but their citizens expected, unfazed by the "commoners" Leo brought to his bed and secure in the knowledge that no matter who he slept with she would eventually become his Queen. Leo dashes these expectations, however, by abdicating his claim to the throne - whether the RoE MC chooses him or not.

At this point - when TRR was barely even a concept - Leo was a clear fan favourite. Players liked the idea of romancing a rogue prince from a fictional European country; it meant they could revel in the luxury of touching royalty, while being away from all the hard, unsavoury parts. The Madeleine angle provided them with a rival to fight off, and at the time that was all that mattered.

Was Leo's behaviour in RoE, towards both the RoE MC and Madeleine, dishonest? Definitely, but not many seemed to care much at the time and it hardly created a dent in his fanbase (most of the criticisms against him and his cheating ways and irresponsibility would emerge later - when the Leo stans became Drake stans, and it was more convenient to badmouth Liam's family).

Jeffrey Herdman, a Junior Game Writer with Pixelberry for over 7 years, was a part of both the RoE and TRR teams, and proudly admitted in the TRR2 pre-release interview, to being the one in charge of writing Madeleine:

Q: Very funny. (Just so we're clear, Jeffrey is joking. Sort of.) Out of curiosity, who's your favorite character to write in The Royal Romance?

Jeffrey: Madeleine. It's fun to write someone who's constantly trying to spin a situation to their benefit, and making power plays along the way. I've actually been writing for Madeleine since her appearance in Rules of Engagement: Book 2, so we're practically besties.

Excerpt from The Royal Romance: Book 2 Interview

(If we were to compare this adulation of the character from Jeffrey, to the person who wrote Hana - head writer Jennifer Young, you'd find a surprising difference. In this very interview Jennifer talks about enjoying the process of writing Hana, but pointed to Drake as her favourite LI - "In my personal game, my love interest is definitely Drake, and I totally make Kara write him just so I can read his scenes and enjoy the romance. =)".

Perhaps if Jennifer had spent less time fawning over Drake, and more time doing Hana's story justice, that LI wouldn't be stuck in a situation where the team constantly erased her experiences and history to benefit their favourites)

When you look at Jeffrey's open admiration of Madeleine, and trace her fairly choppy and largely incoherent narrative journey through the books...a lot of things begin to make sense.

TRR1 - Would a TRR1 Madeleine Have Been A Better Fit for Hana?

When you look at the first book, you can tell that the possibility of any of the other alternative pairings besides Liam and Olivia wasn't really entertained. There is no buildup at all for Maxwell x Penelope, Drake x Kiara - and not even a single direct interaction between fellow competitors Hana and Madeleine. In fact, TRR2 often had to cover up for the lack of interaction in certain cases by making the alternative LI come up with justifications for why they weren't approaching the LI before.

There is maybe one implied interaction between Hana and Madeleine, that I don't think even the writers paid much attention to at the time. In the pie baking scene in Applewood, Hana is assigned to Madeleine's team if the MC doesn't take her along. Whichever group Hana is in, she is in charge of the pie design.

In the diamond scene, she takes the MC's suggestions and gives her advice on the amount of apples required for the filling. Given that she gives credit to the MC (in front of Queen Regina) in this option, and doesn't not do the same for Madeleine, it is likely that she was allowed to decorate for the other team, but not with much input from the captain.

This pie has a rose design, which is beautiful but lacks the intricacy and the challenge of the Cordonian Royal Seal, which the MC can suggest in the diamond scene. It's possible that by default, Madeleine handled the baking herself (since Penelope couldn't even boil water and in fact is so distracted she unwittingly helps sabotage the pie), and Hana was assigned strictly decoration duties. But even these possibilities rely on conjecture and guesswork, with no real dialogue or interaction shown.

There are no other scenes where the two women talk or do anything together. Hana may be present in one or two scenes where Madeleine is speaking (such as the dining scene in Ch 17 where Madeleine tells the court ladies about the upcoming Engagement Tour), but the two never directly engage with each other. It's more likely that (like Maxwell and Penelope, or Drake and Kiara), the writers may have thought of Hana and Madeleine only in the second or third book - more likely the third, but there are possible hints in TRR2 if you squint.

Hana is an interesting anomaly among the cast of TRR. She is both Cordonian and foreigner; the ways of the Cordonian court are, in equal parts, both familiar and confusing to her. This serves as an double-edged advantage to the MC - Hana is both skilled and knowledgeable enough to ease her into the culture, and isolated and vulnerable enough for the MC to step up as a hero on occasion. We also find out in Lythikos (TRR1 Ch 7) that she was so deep in the closet that she couldn't fully articulate her struggle to love the romantic English noble who wanted to marry her, in the presence of the woman she was slowly beginning to love. Within the competition itself, Hana is shown having a hard time finding people who will associate with her, often shown left out of events and her yacht party abandoned during the Regatta. The broken engagement could have a hand in making her appear to be struggling in the competition, but tbh Olivia is the only one who brings it up. Overall, she does well in the competition, but gets little credit for the same.

Madeleine is the polar opposite of this. Even though the ladies of the court initially view her with a mixture of pity and respect (due to her broken engagement with Leo, and her position as a Countess and winner of the previous season), their views on Madeleine once she enters the competition range from anger (Olivia), to speculation (Kiara and Penelope), to indifference and later suspicion (the MC).

Madeleine comes into the social season with several advantages: her pedigree and her years of experience at court. Both Bertrand and the MC note that Madeleine hails from a "powerful family" and "is immersed in the intrigues and maneuverings of courtly life", and therefore the MC is cautioned by Applewood to pay more attention to her than to Olivia. If the MC fails to win court favour, both Penelope and Kiara show allegiance to Madeleine. Where Hana is shown to be vulnerable despite her skills, charm and intelligence, Madeleine is meant to be viewed with respect even by her peers - and expected not to return that respect to others unless they're the king and queen.

I often view the Madeleine of Book 1 (and early TRR2), and the Madeleine of the latter half of Book 2, as two separate people (more on that in the next section). Early Madeleine was depicted as a clear threat. While she does nothing too out-of-pocket during the competition, her threats to the MC once she is (optionally) the favourite frontrunner, her singular focus on only the king and queen (and largely ignoring the Prince), and inability to respectfully lose, ensure that the reader registers her as a figure of danger early on. The first time she (optionally) faces an obvious loss and sees the MC crowned as Apple Queen, Madeleine tells her to "savour these moments. You may never hear the phrase again".

Her very extreme attempts to belatedly win Liam's favour after ignoring him the entire season (we later find out that she barged into his sleeping quarters the previous night and suggested the arrangement that Liam speaks about in TRR2), earns her speculative looks from the MC and wariness from Liam himself. Given that the outcome was so different in TRR2 but the buildup to said outcome was so rushed and chaotic, there is a 70/30 chance that Madeleine's buildup in Book 1 was meant to highlight her as someone with the capability to harm the MC, rather than just as a red herring. At the very most, Book 1 would highlight her as powerful, with the intention that Book 2 would follow through with showing her as a cog in a very vicious machine.

But because Madeleine's actions in TRR1 don't result in any direct harm, it's honestly hard to envision her as dangerous beyond the subtle threats (that people could brush off as basic rivalry) and rank classism.

Would Hana's pairing with the Madeleine of TRR1 have worked? It's equally hard to say. If we take only Book 1 into account, and ignore the very real possibility of a threat that Madeleine represents, there's a sliver of a chance that such a pairing could work...if Madeleine works on herself. At this point she hasn't manifested as a direct threat to Hana in a way that, say, Olivia has - and all the MC has at this point are theories and speculation. You'd have to probably change half of Madeleine's characterization, but it could be workable if the foundation for such a pairing was mutual respect from the start.

Still, when you take into consideration that Madeleine being involved in the plot against the MC was a very legitimate possibility, it's hard to see any opening for this pairing. Even Penelope - whose coddling from the narrative knew no limits - was no longer entertained as a potential alternative romance for an LI the moment her role in the plot was uncovered. If any harm was done to the MC, and Madeleine was found to be behind it, there is no way Hana would even be allowed to entertain the thought of her as an alternative LI at all.

You see - hurting Hana is no big deal. But hurting the MC and still getting an LI to show interest in you? Now that would be beyond the pale!

Madeleine: A Red Herring...Or A Villain Retconned?

As I have mentioned earlier, there is one writer - who has seniority in the company because of his many years there, who has always been in charge of Madeleine's writing, and who has always loved writing her. On close inspection one can say for certain that Jeffrey Herdman had a fair bit of sway in the team itself, especially from the fact that one of his weirdest writing suggestions - the MC's supposed obsession with hats - was retained in the books as a gag for a very, very long time (TRF finale livestream interview). When you take both Jeffrey's sway in the team, and the writing of Madeleine in TRR2 and 3 (and beyond), one can make several educated guesses about what Madeleine was built up to be, and how that changed midway.

Plenty of fan posts written in the gap between TRR1's finale and TRR2's release, took for granted that Madeleine would have some role to play in the plot against the MC. While one may assume this was due to "jealousy" from players or "hate for a bitchy character", there were enough signs in TRR1 and 2 that this was the route the narrative was initially planning to take with her.

The MC does voice suspicions of Madeleine in the first book - mostly after Madeleine herself voices threats to the MC during the Apple Queen ceremony. Madeleine also looks apprehensive at the (optional) public support Liam shows towards the MC at the Beaumont estate, and even shows him a suspiciously huge amount of attention at the Coronation. The MC even confronts Madeleine during the Coronation festivities when she gets a note threatening her to withdraw from the competition, believing it was sent by the latter. But beyond this, Madeleine's own words in TRR1 often sound ominous and laced with subtle threats. Still - going by just TRR1's evidence, Madeleine could still work as a good red herring, since she's not exactly crossed a clear line with anyone yet.

TRR2 seems to go in one direction when it comes to Madeleine's arc, then makes a sharp pivot in the opposite direction post Chs 7 and 8. The first half of the book has both the MC and Liam regard her with doubt and suspicion, especially when the MC learns that Madeleine had come to Liam's rooms the night before the Coronation, and insisted he continue the relationship with the MC on the sly while making her the queen. The book presents several contrasts between Madeleine and the MC, presenting their possible ruling styles and envisioning how each woman would fare as a future queen.

In a diamond scene in TRR2 Ch 4, Liam asks the MC how she would handle a plate of curry chicken falling on someone - an incident that has already occurred in some playthroughs to Madeleine (who got recognizably frustrated and called the whole episode "a disaster"). In contrast, the MC can claim she would either defuse the situation with humour or help clear the mess - both of which establish that unlike Madeleine the MC knows how to adapt to different situations, and prefers to find a solution rather than take her frustrations out on everyone else. Liam points out the differences between the two women as the MC "having perspective... every gaffe isn't a disaster".

Multiple scenes in the story focus on Madeleine's rigidity, her inability to adapt, her hunger for power, her belief that becoming queen gives her a free pass to be a tyrant, her hubris that allows her to outright harm some of her ladies in waiting and believe she will never face consequences, and her overall lack of real impact during her own engagement tour (only if the MC fails miserably does the Italian statesman Francesco even mention Madeleine). A lot of this buildup indicates that she won't be as effective a queen as other characters claim she will be.

Her overall behaviour in the first half of TRR2 seems to highlight overconfidence, and a willingness to overstep every possible boundary in the belief that nothing will now prevent her from getting what she wants ("the best part about being Queen is that I don't have to explain myself to anyone. Including you."). Even though she isn't queen yet, both Madeleine and everyone around her behave as if she has already been crowned! That kind of overconfidence - especially from someone who should know better than anyone that winning the competition doesn't necessarily mean she'll be crowned - makes more sense when she is aware that there are powerful people (like the former king and her aunt, the former queen) to back her.

There is also the fact that Penelope's involvement in the plot never got any proper buildup. There is just one scene, in TRR2 Ch 6, where she speaks about feeling uncomfortable at parties and balls, and how much she hates crowds. The reveal of her being the culprit is in Ch 7; the reveal of her social anxiety is in Ch 8. Before this, you have zero indicators of her being involved in this level of deception - even though her history of "social anxiety" should have ideally made that kind of subterfuge difficult, and she should have been able to leave a few tells, signalling her guilt. It is very clear on rereads that Penelope's involvement in the plot was a last-minute narrative decision.

But perhaps the strongest evidence that TRR2 was originally meant to establish Madeleine as part of the plot against the MC, is a line from the very first scene of the book. When a confused MC asks Bertrand how it's possible for Liam to break his engagement, Bertrand mentions a constitutional provision:

"The king is able to change his selection in specific cases for the good of the nation". The MC being proven as framed and unfairly disgraced achieves very little in this context, because the focus is clearly on the king's final choice. This means that the engagement cannot be voided on the basis of the MC being innocent, but on the basis of Madeleine being unfit for the role.

What happens to this "constitutional clause" once Penelope is declared the culprit among the court ladies rather than Madeleine? It disappears completely. If she was really meant to be a red herring from the start, the team would never have added this line in the first place. Nor would they have left the "buildup" for Penelope's anxiety till Ch 6, just one chapter before her reveal. If Madeleine was really meant to be a mere red herring from the start, there would have been more than just one crumb presented for that trail.

It is highly possible that the team had plans for Madeleine to be involved in the plot, or in something shady enough to justify breaking the engagement. It is just as highly possible that Jeffrey, the writer in charge of her character, allowed his favouritism for that character to dictate his writing of her, and convinced the team to change the trajectory of the story to benefit her.

Hana and Madeleine - The First Half of TRR2

Most of the interactions between Hana and Madeleine in TRR2 are overshadowed by one incident in Ch 7 - the one most popularly known as "the chocolate incident". Madeleine was already not too popular as a character when this scene came out, but her admission that she wanted to break Hana crossed enough of a line that a number of players would bring it up as a reason for why they couldn't ever like her, no matter how often she was retconned in canon.

A common misconception made about the "chocolate incident" from Madeleine lovers and haters alike, is that it's viewed as a singular episode rather than as an escalation in an ongoing pattern of threats that Madeleine was already making to Hana.

Viewing it as an isolated incident is precisely what allowed both Madeleine stans, and the canon narrative itself, to severely downplay what Madeleine did, and what she openly declared she would continue doing to Hana. Therefore, it is essential to look into Hana and Madeleine's interactions before Ch 7, as well as the context behind Hana's return to court and the very real and grave threat that Madeleine represents to Hana specifically.

To do this, we must first look into how Hana's return to court (after her parents forced her to leave post Coronation) is depicted. There are two versions of this story - Madeleine's version...and the truth.

Madeleine's Version: "If it wasn't for me, she'd still be on the other side of the world. I've heard dogs remember those who feed them. I hope you'll keep this in mind and remember that dear Hana is here by my personal invitation". This is a half-truth at best and ironically, this is the version Hana sticks to. She is never allowed to tell us differently.

The truth, as said by Liam to Hana post Coronation: "I am the King of Cordonia. I'm sure Lady Madeleine knows that if she wants to keep our engagement, she'll have to give me something. Perhaps I can convince her to make you part of her court". Hana never gets to tell us this. That honour is given to Drake!

Even after the MC (optionally) gets to know this truth, she never talks to Hana about it, and Hana is never allowed to veer from Madeleine's narrative even in private. In the process, Madeleine gets to use her half-truth as a form of blackmail - threatening Hana at least twice to send her back to China if she paces even one toe out of Madeleine's arbitrary line.

In TRR2 Ch 4, Madeleine is shown antagonizing her entire court (ordering Penelope to get lemonade and comparing her to dogs, telling Kiara to exoticize herself by not speaking in English [which itself has colonial/Orientalist connotations]). But none is more ominous and disturbing than her subtle threat to Hana before introducing her to the two suitors:

Being sent back to her parents is a terrifying prospect for Hana...for two reasons. For one, Hana is committed to being there for the MC, to contributing to her investigation (and she does! Massively. Perhaps more than anyone else in the group). For another, she is just beginning to realize what a damaging environment her parents' house is, and she also knows they are already growing suspicious that she hasn't found another suitor yet. By the end of this conversation, Hana is visibly distraught... to the point of needing moral support (something she rarely asks for herself).

Remember - this is an arbitrary rule Madeleine comes up with, that applies only to Hana. In the same conversation, neither Kiara nor Penelope are placed under this kind of pressure. Though Penelope claims in Ch 6 that her parents won't allow her to come home if she doesn't get a suitor, Madeleine doesn't levy any other threats of this nature on her (she harms Penelope in other ways).

Madeleine is aware that Liam was the one responsible for Hana's return. It is implied that she is also aware that neither Liam nor Hana can say this in public. By this coin, she'd know that she shouldn't be the one who can take a call on sending Hana back - Liam is. Yet she issues this sort of a threat, and worse still...is allowed to get away with it through Hana and the MC's silence, both in private and in public.

Unlike the MC and Olivia, the other three ladies of the court are present in official positions to the future Queen, and are expected to publicly pledge loyalty to her. The narrative of TRR2 alone seems to give the King's fiancèe powers and influences similar to an actual Queen Consort's. And Hana, Kiara and Penelope aren't just random "court members" - they are Madeleine's ladies-in-waiting. They cannot even speak to certain people unless she approves of it (Ch 1), she orders them around with the disrespect that many in that nobility reserve for their servants (Penelope in Ch 4), she publicly humiliates and insults them if they make a single mistake (eg. Penelope not getting a metallic dress in time for the bachelorette), and she can get away with causing them grievous harm (Hana). There is no actual point to any of this behaviour - it achieves nothing and (by the narrative parameters of the third book) is actually foolish, because Madeleine's actions could cost the royal family their relationship with the Great Houses. Neither the MC nor Liam (the actual monarch), would be allowed by the narrative later to abuse their power the way Madeleine can, in a position that isn't even hers yet!

It is easy to view Madeleine's interactions with Hana and Penelope especially, as just some regular mean-girls shit, with all the excuses, justifications and crocodile tears that the fandom can shower on said white/white-passing mean girls. Canon itself encourages this reading when they use the word "hazing" to describe what Madeleine put Hana through. But when we speak of Madeleine's behaviour in her engagement tour that way, we miss a very important aspect of her dynamic with these two women. They are no longer competitors or mere allies. They are not just people she knows in court.

They are not Madeleine's equals. They are her employees. She is directly in a position of immense, unquestioned and unchecked power over them. Publicly, she has the authority to invite them into her court, and to throw them out of their jobs. It is from that lens, that we must view her behaviour, especially in Ch 7.

The "Chocolate Incident" and Its Aftermath

Another reason to believe Jeffrey's favouritism for Madeleine allowed for an actual change in the story, is the way this above scene - and the ones preceding it - were handled immediately in both the immediate and long-term aftermath.

Often dubbed "the chocolate incident", this scene takes place in Italy (the first stop of the engagement tour) during Madeleine's bachelorette. For anyone who has forgotten the incident, Madeleine's ladies-in-waiting are supposed to organize different fun activities for her bachelorette, and the MC uses each event as both a PR exercise and an opportunity to check the credit cards of the ladies.

The final activity is Hana's, an intricately-planned chocolate fondue party complete with chocolate-themed games and treats. If one reads too much between the lines, one could maybe notice the tiniest sliver of a romantic hint in Hana's conversation with the MC over her confusing an actual bachelorette party with the show The Bachelorette (It is just as possible tho - if not more - that this is a comic aside pointing to Hana's lack of exposure to modern media).

However, things take a turn for the worst at this juncture. Madeleine heavily berates Hana for not knowing that she is "allergic to chocolate", accusing her of an attempt to murder and even threatening to remove her from her position in court. This leaves Hana so distraught that she ruins her own dress in the process, and is damn near inconsolable. The MC can - if she chooses - comfort Hana along with their friends. At the end of the night, a heavily drunk Madeleine gleefully admits she lied about the allergy and gloats about wanting to keep hurting Hana till she breaks, because she "wants to have a little fun".

She claims, when asked why, that it's because "everyone wants something, but the nice ones like Hana don't even have the decency to act like it". Which sounds like the sort of sick logic that fandom often happily accepts from their favourite white antagonists, where they can project whatever sob story they want to make such a reasoning palatable. Such attempts ignore the fact that Madeleine is torturing someone for supposed "duplicity" when she is herself well-known for being insincere.

Later, when it was convenient for the fandom to hate on Hana, she would be either blamed for the torture Madeleine put her through (because she was "weak" or "too nice", or that she was "spineless and deserved this treatment". I even saw posts that claimed it "wasn't that bad" (in the case of one particularly memorable instance, a Madeleine stan went so far as to say, agreeing with a post expressing a fondness for Madeleine: "...before anyone mentions the chocolate prank: Did Hana die, tho?"). Some also tried to reason that it was fair for Madeleine to target Hana, either to showcase her "wiles" or because of her sad sad childhood.

As I pointed out earlier, every single one of these takes tend to downplay Madeleine's bullying/abuse so that it sounds more like a schoolyard squabble that happened only once, rather than a person in power consistently placing their employee's job under threat, with the stated intention of harming them mentally and emotionally on a regular basis, until they experienced a breakdown. The center of this conflict isn't about different people with different approaches. Nor is it about court maneuvering or wiles because honestly, nothing worthwhile was achieved through Madeleine's abuse, and she had no purpose for doing those things beyond deriving a sick pleasure from other people's suffering.

It isn't about nice vs tough, nor ambitious vs generous, nor "naive" vs "jaded". It is about a gross power imbalance. An imbalance that results in the exploitation of the more vulnerable party...which is later brushed aside by the one who claims to be the latter's "friend" like it means nothing.

Structure wise, one can see striking similarities between this chapter, and TRR1's Ch 7, where the MC can view Olivia in a new light in the first half of the chapter, but be disturbed by her vindictive nature by the end of it. Here too, the MC comes into the investigation of the credit cards fully expecting to see Madeleine as the culprit. Over the course of the evening she finds Madeleine treating her ladies-in-waiting badly, but also calling out the press for targeting only the MC but staying silent on Tariq's involvement (ironically, Madeleine herself didn't exactly believe the MC if she tells her she was set up). She is also shocked when she realises Madeleine isn't the culprit at the club. Still, the court is given a rude shock when Hana is accused of putting Madeleine's life in danger.

Clearly the aim of such a chapter was to make the MC soften a little towards Madeleine, while still keeping some of the antagonistic tension. However, the more direct impact of Madeleine's huge ego trip on Hana made the harm far more visible than Olivia's jibes towards a woman who was far away...plus the scenes that followed in the former sequence centered Drake, far more than the ones in the latter that involved comforting Hana.

Madeleine's bullying also clashes - quite conveniently - with the reveal of Penelope's betrayal, so that the latter overshadows what Hana went through altogether.

It is important to note at this point that the MC is the only person not directly tied in an alliance to Madeleine (besides Olivia and Maxwell, who are then missing at the fashion show backstage scene in Paris) who knows Madeleine's intentions towards Hana. She is the only person present at the event in Paris, who knows that Madeleine intended to continue harassing her until she broke. Hana herself is never made fully aware of this, and if she is left in a vulnerable, dangerous position while on her mission to support the MC's investigation - then the fault lies to a large extent with the MC for keeping silent, rather than protecting her friend from someone who fully intended to hurt her.

I say this because in France (Ch 8), the MC's exposing of Madeleine is by choice, rather than default (this essay has a full breakdown of said scene). Moreover, the option where the MC can "expose" her will result in Madeleine lying about the act being an "official hazing" she does for all her ladies-in-waiting. Not only does the MC neglect to contest Madeleine's claims (or even tell Hana the full truth in secret), she also parrots Madeleine's lie in a conversation with Adeleide in NY, as if it were the truth (Ch 14).

Remember how I mentioned Jeffrey - the writer who was in charge of Madeleine's scenes and sang her praises in TRR2's pre-release interview? His influence here is obvious in the way the narrative sharply pivots away from Madeleine's characterization so far, to engage in a full-blown pity party.

The abuses of her power (towards Hana and Penelope in particular) stop. The parallels that canon makes between Madeleine and the MC as future Queens, stop. No reference, ever, is made of her actions before Ch 8.

For over seven chapters, Madeleine largely fades into the background - sometimes there will be scenes where she is present, but without any dialogue or actions. Sometimes she may make a catty move like getting the MC to pick up her wedding ring, but from a safe distance. Because she doesn't openly antagonize anyone or show up much in Chs 9-15, the sense of distance could allow some to soften in their memories of her. Especially when the only strong reminders of Madeleine in these chapters come from Adeleide, her mother.

Adeleide is an important cog in the machinery that resulted in the retconning of Madeleine's character in TRR2. Without her, Patriotic!Madeleine wouldn't have become canon. Adeleide sets the stage for this extremely inaccurate reading of her, with complaints on two occasions about how Madeleine is "putting too much pressure on herself" and working too hard. Which contradicts her very real actions in Applewood and Italy, where she regularly antagonized her entire court and where she doesn't get much notable approval from foreign dignitaries (Signor Francesco) unless the MC is that bad.

The narrative, at this point, expects us to view her with sympathy, as someone who could have been "an excellent queen" (Adeleide's words, not mine). The stage is clearly set so that we pity her when Liam calls off the engagement and she loses this position, that we can see her loss as "unfair". It ensures that there is an overflow of sympathy for Madeleine's plight, especially since she had already lost her chance to become Queen once before with Leo. By this point, many readers had actually forgotten the "chocolate incident" altogether, and were more than willing to view Madeleine as a patriot who wasn't given her due. A description that, ironically, more accurately fits Hana.

Is Hana Really Just A Nice Girl who Never Fights Back?

As I mentioned before, Hana's "niceness" and "weakness" were sometimes presented in fandom as justifications/reasons for Madeleine's bullying of her, often in an attempt to shift blame or make it sound like Madeleine's stated "reasons" (in TRR2 Ch 7) to hurt her were legitimate. Almost as if to say that Hana was targeted because she presents herself as an easy target.

To be clear, I don't subscribe to such a train of thought myself. Different people react to bullies and abusers in different ways - and not being able to push back aggressively in tense situations doesn't make anyone a lesser person. In fact, canon itself doesn't mind providing a "weaker" person protection against someone like Madeleine...as long as that person is Penelope. So we cannot even claim that Hana's "weakness" is why Madeleine targets her, or why the MC shouldn't have to protect Hana better.

Canon also doesn't help much in this respect, especially with their preferences for the meaner white women. In fact the narrative doesn't even allow Hana the chance to speak up in private against Madeleine's half-truths about her return, and she is made to easily accept Madeleine's "hazing" excuse. Let's not even get into how she speaks about Madeleine in TRR3. Additionally, no one in Hana's own friend group provides adequate protection or support - they stay silent where it counts.

But is Hana really that incapable of fighting for herself? According to the finale of TRR1, no.

Even though the scene is hidden behind a paywall, Hana's pushback against Olivia's treatment of her during the social season is strong, decisive and done entirely on her own initiative, with no prompting or involvement from the MC. She is honest about the ways in which Olivia has hurt her, but also makes it clear that Olivia's opinions and vitriol no longer matter - effectively reclaiming her own power in the process.

Such a scene is a clear indicator that Hana is capable of pushing back, and isn't afraid to speak truth to power - as early as TRR1. While one could say that as a diamond scene, it is possible that it can't be fully shown as canon - there are ways the writers know how to incorporate such things. Often, they have managed to write in similar scenes or the same information into free scenes later on (eg. the selling of Liam's bachelor party photos, which wasn't even that important to the story of TRR2). Hana could have had a free pushback scene with Olivia if the writers really wanted to give her one.

That aside, it's safe to say that there is a precedent for Hana being able to fight back before TRR2, and canon could have found ways to ensure that she could safely do so with Madeleine too. Or at least have more protection and care from her friend group, if her position as lady-in-waiting prevented her from speaking out. Penelope got to demand protection later on, after all - and she wasn't even our friend.

We must also take into account the positions of power that Madeleine, Olivia and later even the MC hold. Madeleine is a countess in line to become queen in TRR2. Olivia is a duchess, and the MC herself is given this honour in Book 2. Hana - despite her skills, knowledge and charm - never gets lands, nor a title unless she marries the MC. Hana's experience in Cordonia isn't just about "other women" being mean to her with the MC being "not like other girls" - all three of the above women are in positions of power over her, and even the nicest of them uses her more often than she helps.

TRR2 doesn't exactly build Hana and Madeleine as a pair. In hindsight one can read romantic hints into Madeleine's mocking usage of the word "darling" around Hana, Hana's attempt to replicate The Bachelorette for Madeleine's bachelorette party, and read parallels into both their toxic family histories (particularly Hana with her mother and Madeleine with her father). But there is no actual romantic content there that one could find with the other three pairs, which leads me to believe that Hana and Madeleine was only taken seriously as a romantic prospect in TRR3.

How did Madeleine become the final romantic choice for Hana, and no one else? Because the relationship was never made Hana's benefit - it was for Madeleine's. Given all the evidence laid out about TRR1!Madeleine, TRR2!Madeleine and including hints that she may have actually been written as the villain at some point, it's more likely that Madeleine's main writer ensured some changes in the writing of his favourite character midway into the story, resulting in her staying longer in court and several retcons that painted her as a tragic heroine and completely erased any actions that contradicted such a narrative.

This specific narrative also seems to draw upon a narrative trope that is seen sometimes in certain stories featuring queer couples - the Armoured Closted Gay. It is employed often enough, mostly to show the pervasiveness and immense pressure heteronormativity can have on some queer people - that sometimes, they hate themselves for not adhering to the norm and therefore project that self-hatred onto people like them. PB had done a similar kind of story in TF and ILITW - with Zig and an aggressive teammate Manny (but with discussions on sexual harassment and about being closeted) and with Lily Oritz and her crush Britney. Unlike Zig's and Lily's cases though, this sort of narrative hardly centers on Hana.

Hana is hardly treated as a person in her own right in this narrative. She is treated as a "consolation prize" for Madeleine's "good behaviour" and "hard work". Which is still a really, really hard story to sell when one of the characters states outright that they'd abuse their power over the other till she breaks.

So how does PB get back from that kind of cruelty, and convert it into an actual romance?

Madeleine in TRR3 - The Royal Retcon

(In order: MC complimenting Madeleine to Godfrey (Ch 3), response to Madeleine's "send my regards to Hana (Ch 9), Madeleine asking for a dance (Ch 16), Optional response about memories of Madeleine's bachelorette in Hana's Vegas diamond scene (Ch 16))

By gaslighting an entire fandom, of course.

TRR3 requires us at the very start to do two things - to recruit Madeleine into replacing Justin as our press secretary, and to convince her family to join the Unity Tour so that Cordonia knows its nobility stands with the Crown. Until this point, we've only had hints of Madeleine's so-called "patriotism", mostly from Adeleide. TRR3 Ch 3 goes full force on this reading: having Madeleine claim (in the most positive option) that all her efforts to become queen was "for my people...it was always for Cordonia", having Hana claim that Madeleine "would mostly likely take a bullet for Liam... because you'd never leave Cordonia without a King". Coupled with Godfrey and Adeleide's toxic family dynamics, the story is set to push forward a narrative where we are meant to sympathize with her and preferably downplay her behaviour from the previous book.

Throughout Madeleine's tenure as press sec, we are expected to laud her "work" - even though the truth is that she makes our work harder by giving us heavy folders and 100 note cards of materials just minutes before our meetings, and leaving out important information (like Zeke) for us to scramble about and find. Where during her time as future queen, her ladies-in-waiting were expected to have every detail perfect as per her desires otherwise face her wrath - as our employee, we are expected to appreciate efforts alone, and be lenient when she doesn't follow our rules (eg. wearing gold for our bachelorette when she was supposed to wear muted colours, trying to sneak in a white dress to our wedding). Most of our responses to her "work" involve fulsome praise, or at most a very light criticism that still claims she's good at her job (she isn't). And it isn't just the MC - even Justin (who recommended her) and Hana are made to sing her praises.

Having canon claim Madeleine does a good job when she actually doesn't is... frustrating, but not as awful as the retconning they do for her past behaviour. But it is part of a pattern that whitewashes Madeleine altogether so the readers can consider her deserving of the rewards that the narrative so badly wants to give her, whether her actual conduct matches up to these fulsome praises or not.

One clear tactic that is used to achieve this, was to have the person she harmed the most, speak of her in glowing terms. In TRR3 Ch 3, you have at least two instances during the "Cordonia's Most" game where Hana uses the game to compliment Madeleine. Here, she compliments Madeleine on knowing how to "charm a crowd...her confidence and poise", and claims her to be very patriotic. If the MC refuses to coddle Madeleine during their private conversation, the onus to be kind to her rests solely on Hana's shoulders, where she is required to say, "maybe it's time to see if you can catch more flies with honey". Hana is also shown wanting to include Madeleine in group activities (TRR3 Ch 6, before going to the spa), in the same way she tried to include Olivia in TRR2. When we're shown a Hana who is not only willing but enthusiastic to speak to Madeleine, it further encourages the reader to befriend her - almost as if to say, "if Hana doesn't mind being friendly with her, why should you?".

And this wouldn't be possible at all if canon was honest about Madeleine's conduct in TRR2. So much about Madeleine's advice to us in TRR3 directly contradicts her own behaviour as future queen in TRR2 ("having an entourage isn't about vanity...it's about support"). Had canon actually been honest about her conduct, this statement would be viewed as extremely ironic, a huge portion of the blame for Penelope's reluctance to return to court would be (rightly) placed on Madeleine's shoulders and we would be able to call her out specifically on her tyrannical behaviour as future queen, as well as her inability to adjust her work to suit her client now. We would not be placing Madeleine on a pedestal ad nauseum, or paying much attention to her childish complaints that her "efforts" are going unappreciated.

Whenever the early part of the engagement tour is referenced, it is spoken of in the vaguest, most milquetoast terms. The narrative will speak vaguely of "meanness", but never actually specify what Madeleine did. The closest we get to any sort of confirmation of this is in the Costume Gala (Ch 9) if the MC warns Madeleine to stay away from Hana...and even there, the MC just says she did "mean things". Which is the mildest possible way I have seen of someone describing a person who gloated about breaking Hana. Like the word "hazing" from the previous book, all these vague references leave it to the readers' faint memories, or imagination, to figure out what Madeleine did.

But all of these are just hints at best, and most of what we could assume of the writers' intentions came largely from guesswork. There was constantly a sense of something not being right, but many of us at the time couldn't completely articulate it. That is, until Ch 16, and only if we pressed a specific option in the Vegas diamond scene, in just Hana's playthrough:

Unlike the previous scenes - which were mostly attempts to obfuscate the events of the previous book - this scene replaces what actually happened with blatant lies. Not only does it wipe out entirely what Madeleine did, replacing it with a casual comment from Hana about her "fun side", it also smears Kiara for something she didn't do at all during the bachelorette (for clarity, Kiara found out she was a great dancer, and looked quite annoyed if the MC chose a wrong dialogue option as an excuse to see her card. The MC never saw her lashing out at Penelope during this event). Even if the MC and Hana were so drunk that night that they wouldn't remember events clearly (which isn't how they're depicted at all when the "chocolate incident" took place), it wouldn't be replaced with things that never actually happened. The writers were more than ready to throw Kiara under the bus to make Madeleine look better, and have those lies come out of Hana's mouth (and mind you, Hana liked Kiara so much she chose her to be her MoH in Ch 18 of her playthrough, so it can't even have been spite towards Kiara on her part).

In contrast, Penelope is allowed to be open about Madeleine's mistreatment of her. In fact she cites it as the main reason for her reluctance to return to court, and even complains at the MC if the latter asks her if she didn't get the memo on the bachelorette dress code in TRR3 Ch 16 ("oh no, no, it's like Madeleine all over again!"). The group is required to protect her from Madeleine; in Ch 4, when Penelope is upset at the very sight of Madeleine, Drake comes to her rescue and reassures her ("She's with us, Penelope. We won't let her bite."). While Madeleine herself is protected from any consequences for what she did to Penelope (besides an optional tiny jibe in Ch 4), the MC and her group are required to reassure her that they will never allow it to happen again. In a very disgusting contrast, the narrative pushes Hana at the forefront of the diamond scene with Madeleine, without ever considering her comfort or safety around the person who wanted to break her. Not only does the group involve her without ever asking her if she wants to be part of it - Drake and Maxwell safely distance themselves when the time comes for Madeleine to speak personally about her troubles, and the MC can choose not to be sympathetic in certain dialogue options. Which means that the onus to comfort and persuade her is largely on Hana's shoulders. We must also remember that, unlike Penelope, Hana is deprived of the full truth of Madeleine's intentions in the last book too.

Where the writers were ready to at least admit that Madeleine's behaviour affected Penelope deeply, they went to the extent of completely rewriting the narrative of her TRR2 bachelorette to erase what she put Hana through.

The "Romance" in TRR3

(First four screenshots from my playthroughs, next four from the Adventure...Romance...Thrills YouTube Channel, and the final row's screenshots from the Annabelle Lee YouTube channel and the Skylia YouTube channel)

The Hana and Madeleine "romance" is hinted at in 5 scenes (4 in other playthroughs, and just one in Hana's own). As with most of the other romances, Madeleine's feelings are the most prominent. To the more romance-coded overtures, Hana's reaction is usually shock and disbelief, with a small suspicion over whether Madeleine is doing this to trick her into humiliation later. But the narrative gives her very little opportunity to even talk about anything related to Madeleine, especially anything negative. You do have a scene at the finale that is meant to provide closure, but not in a romantic way. This scene is very different from the others, and in some ways puts an end to the possibility of this relationship happening anytime soon.

How did we get from those scenes to this final one in Ch 22? It would be useful to look at the scenes, within the timeline of TRR3's release and with the context of fandom reactions.

1. The "Cordonia's Most" Scene (Ch 3)

This diamond scene is written to give the MC/reader a bit of background on Madeleine's past and family, which will prove useful later when she has to convince the Amaranths to fix their relationship with each other. It is set against the background of a drinking game where an asker can quiz everyone else about who would be the most likely to do a particular action. Hana references Madeleine twice in the game (in a very complimentary manner), and Madeleine references Hana once. It was her comment about Hana being "stupidly sweet and perfect" that caught the attention of some readers and made them wonder if that was the route PB was planning to take with Hana. This dialogue shows up in Hana's route as well.

In later chapters, we see instances of Hana trying to include Madeleine in group activities...such as in Ch 6 where she invites the latter to come with them to the spa after the football match with Jiro and Camellia.

2 and 3. Cross-Referencing Each Other at Costume Gala (Ch 9)

This is a very interesting development, at an equally interesting time. Around the time Ch 9 released (end-April 2018), PB announced that TRR's team would be taking a hiatus, mostly to work on "some exciting stuff" during that break. It also gave them the time to work on certain things the fandom was demanding, and do away with others due to stan vitriol (Kiara's attraction towards Drake being one of them). The next chapter would only appear a month and a half later (mid-June).

Ch 9 sneaked in a scene that hinted at Hana and Madeleine as a romance option, but in a way that made it very hard for players to notice on a casual read. The scene is split in two parts: the MC can choose to speak to either Hana and Olivia, or Maxwell, Justin and Madeleine. Hana and Olivia's scene shows the two commenting on Gala outfits, which kickstarts a conversation about diplomacy vs bluntness. The latter option explores a variety of topics, mostly revolving around an appreciation for Madeleine's "great work".

Both Hana and Madeleine reference each other in their scenes. Hana's dialogue depends on whether the MC is her fiancèe or not; in other playthroughs, she admires Madeleine's costume, the compliment on her good looks very personal. In her own playthrough, she compliments Kiara's outfit but in a more distant fashion ("subtle and clever, just like her...very well-chosen"). In Madeleine's scene (which is the same across playthroughs), the ending involves her telling the MC to "send my regards to Hana", in response to which she can choose a line of questioning (which ranges from "protective towards Hana" to largely indifferent. In all three options, thankfully, the MC can close with "don't let me catch you antagonizing her", but that really is one small mercy in a pile of blatant retconning.

What marks Hana's dialogue about Madeleine as an LI-specific option, is that she says something entirely different if the MC is getting married to her. This is an indication that the dialogue was intended to be read as romantic, and that it couldn't be said by an LI who was already in love and ready to marry the MC. Pretty much in the same way that Olivia in Liam's playthrough cannot hold his hand in Applewood or dance with him in Vegas.

I wrote an essay on this at the time - both on the possibility of the pairing and why it was a bad idea - and the overall response I received at the time was mixed. Those who remembered exactly what went down at Madeleine's bachelorette and weren't her fans hated the prospect, but some weren't as convinced and some refused to believe it would happen. So there was some pushback for it, citing Madeleine's "chocolate incident" (thankfully, since there were players who had forgotten about it), but it was very low-key and didn't gain much traction.

4. An Offer to Dance in Vegas (Ch 16)

The most obvious indication of Hana and Madeleine being a romantic possibility was in the Vegas chapter. It was impossible to miss for people who didn't romance Hana. This scene, again, featured only in playthroughs where Hana wasn't getting married - which meant that many Hana-romancers didn't get to know of this pairing unless they were told by a friend or saw any such posts on their dash (some even found out years later, to their shock and dismay).

The mild pushback from Ch 9 resulted in a scene where the writers could be emboldened to continue writing this pairing, but confirm (in the vaguest possible way) that Madeleine treated Hana badly. Madeleine's non-apology "apology" really reads more like an attempt to get into Hana's pants than actual regret, and is followed by a reaction from Hana that is confusing in its mildness. Hana is surprised at the offer to dance, asking Madeleine whether she's trying to trick her. While the mild suspicion is a slight improvement from Hana's fulsome praise and enthusiastic attempts to involve Madeleine in group stuff in previous chapters, it still downplays what Hana suffered at Madeleine's hands by making her present the weakest, most milquetoast examples of "fooling someone", examples that pale miserably in comparison to what Madeleine actually put Hana through.

With both the "stupidly sweet and perfect" dialogue and this scene, you'll notice that Madeleine is not only the one who initiates the conversation, but is also the only one with an actual voice in these exchanges. Forget having an opinion on whether she wants to have anything to do with Madeleine or not - the narrative doesn't even give poor Hana the opportunity to properly react beyond mere shock.

There was a stronger reaction to this scene than to the Ch 9 one, because it was way more visible (though you could avoid it just by letting Madeleine stay in her hotel) with Madeleine's romantic intentions on full display. Her asking Hana for a dance immediately after the no apology made it pretty obvious. Players who didn't see the Ch 9 scenes or who didn't believe the divergences meant anything, now couldn't deny that this was positioned as an alternative romance. Additionally by this time, those who forgot about the "chocolate incident" did get reminded of the exact scene, so the vagueness with which Madeleine "addressed" her actions in TRR2 felt criminally inadequate for a number of readers.

Most of us, however, didn't know about the retcon in Hana's Vegas scene, until years later. Those who didn't do Hana's playthrough would have had no idea, and those who did more likely chose the more romantic options.

5. "Jealous?" (Ch 20)

This scene is unique in that the option shows up across all playthroughs, but the specific reaction only shows up in two of them. It's understandable that Hana stans would have missed this - the dialogue is an option, the response is very fleeting and you would have to look through the same option in other playthroughs to recognise the variations.

In the cases of both Drake and Maxwell, Madeleine's response to this jibe from the MC is "ugh, please". Dismissive, almost mocking the idea that she would have any interest in them. In Liam's and Hana's cases, she appears shocked for a minute, then composes herself and gives a more neutral response ("I...I refuse to dignify such a ridiculous question with a response"). In Liam's case, one can safely assume that even though she had no romantic interest in him, she was still on the verge of marrying Liam and that alone would make the situation awkward. In Hana's case there is really no other reason for her to feel that awkward besides having lingering feelings that she cannot suppress.

While this version of the scene doesn't feature in playthroughs where she is single at all, it's still a very strong indicator of authorial intent. Even in the face of backlash against the pairing, the writers clearly wanted to continue hinting at the possibility, if they were slipping in hints of Madeleine's feelings for Hana as late as Ch 20 (just two chapters before the finale). The most plausible theory for this inclusion would be that the backlash was a lot more than it was after Ch 9, but not entirely enough to do away without the pairing completely...yet.

6. "I Wanted To Break You" (Ch 22)

No one knows what happened between Chs 20 and 22, and there's little I can think of that would account for such a quick change in such a short span of time. The finale has a scene featuring Hana and Madeleine, that begins by drawing more obvious parallels between the two women and their families (until now, the parallels were not as pronounced. It's not exactly a great parallel to begin with, since Madeleine has at least one supportive parent and doesn't get punished to the extent that Hana has been, if she openly protests against her parents' methods. But in TRR3 the narrative sometimes does use Hana's toxic parental situation as a parallel to garner sympathy for Madeleine's).

However, once the parents are out of the picture, the attention then turns to Hana and Madeleine, setting the stage for either a romantic confession or a full apology. This time, canon opts to go for the latter.

Unlike all the others, this scene is bluntly specific not just about what Madeleine did but what exactly her intentions were. It has her use the word "break"; it has her actually say the word "sorry". It allowed Hana, for the first time, to fully hear the truth about the harm Madeleine planned to wreck on her. And most importantly, it also allowed Hana her own voice in response to Madeleine's revelations, making it very clear to her that her forgiveness needed to be earned, over a period of time.

The dialogues used to talk about Madeleine's bachelorette in the finale are poles apart from the language they'd used earlier ("hazing", "put my ladies through their paces", "mean things", "refuse to coddle", "wronged"). The finale scene was a more accurate return to the original language and purpose of that bachelorette scene. In fact it sounds less like what canon had been attempting to gaslight their readers into believing thus far, and even seemed to borrow verbatim from the language of the readers who closely followed this issue.

One could call it a good closure scene on the surface level...but there are many, many problems with it.

One was the reaction of the MC. Her angry "excuse me?" in response to Madeleine's confession is still a very obvious retcon. It may have been done to preserve the myth that the MC is a good friend/wife to Hana, but reads as extremely dishonest when you remember that canonically, the MC knew the truth about Madeleine's intentions the whole time and just chose to leave Hana in the dark. It's an attempt to make the MC seem protective that ultimately rings false.

Another is the excuse Madeleine gives for why she targeted Hana. "I wanted to push Hana too far, and for her to drop the nice-girl act once and for all! Only, it isn't an act, is it?" My response when I first read this was "if Hana was faking it...so what. So fucking what. Who was she harming". Coming from the reigning queen of duplicity herself, Madeleine is really not in a position to be judging anyone for putting up a front. This also ties into the hollowness of the motives PB tried to belatedly cook up for TRR2 Madeleine's bullying - no matter what canon says to whitewash her actions, her attempts achieved nothing, did no good for Cordonia, and would likely have led to a very fractured court if the Unity Tour was held while she was queen.

Ultimately, the possibility of this pairing becoming canon was laid to rest in the final chapter. One could interpret Madeleine's promise of a starting gesture ("know that if anyone at court gives you trouble, I can make them regret it") as a possible opening to something more, but considering the earlier backlash, that was unlikely.

TRH - Madeleine Gets The Penelope Treatment, Hana Gets Her Entire Childhood History Retconned.

An interesting development that came up when TRH dropped was the departure of Jeffrey Herdman from the team, most likely because he was heavily involved in the writing of its Renaissance-era spin-off The Royal Masquerade. He would return, by TRF (he is part of their finale livestream), but by then his pet favourite character was likely gone.

TRH has a different set of circumstances, and different power dynamics. The MC is settled into marriage and trying for a child, the LIs are working in the council, Olivia is upgraded to cosplaying spymaster and the side characters go on with their lives. The first book of TRH seemed to do a surface-level recognition of some of the complaints certain readers had in previous books, but their favourites and the people who wouldn't get much attention or appreciation, remained the same.

TRH1 was a time when the writers praised Hana and claimed in a livestream that she was the kind of LI they would love to marry, but also where they gave her a condition that (inaccurately) made her unable to safely carry children (just for the MC to be the mother of the heir) and forced her to be immediately okay with that fate. As the sequel series progressed over the course of 4 books, the erasure of all that Hana was in the past was subtle and insidious - the narrative often compared her to Olivia and found her lesser, she was never allowed to even mention her home place China and worst of all - the writing completely retconned the emotional abuse she suffered at home by claiming it emerged from loving protection, from wanting to keep their daughter away from a cult. And even though Hana's discovery of her sexuality was described by Kara as a "journey that she's still on", no attempts were ever made to show her exploring what she likes romantically, or to show her dating. We don't know if she's involved with anyone, we don't know where she lives, we learn very little of her interests beyond what benefits the MC at any given moment, and the narrative never fails to remind us that they like Olivia more than they like her. Hell, they still encourage Olivia to keep insulting and degrading Hana! Hardly the behaviour of writers who love a character so much they would marry them irl, honestly.

On the other hand, Madeleine wasn't very prominent in TRH1, but gained notoriety in the next two books. The first book has her occasionally engage in inappropriate, invasive badgering of the MC to get pregnant quickly, and she continues to pretend that her doing whatever she likes without ever consulting the person in charge is professional behaviour (eg. Setting up the presscon about the MC's pregnancy announcement. She never even considers whether the MC would be comfortable announcing this pregnancy or not at this time). She gets to deliver a small bit of foreshadowing in the second half of the book (an early hint about Queen Eleanor's pregnancy, though Madeleine's awareness of it hardly makes sense when you look at the entire TRH series, and it never comes up as a point again). Her father being exposed as the traitor who poisoned the former queen builds up to a storyline that benefits her the most in the long run.

Hana is given one chapter where she can call Madeleine out on her entitlement (Savannah's bachelorette). She doesn't insult or berate Madeleine in TRH1 Ch 7, but is refreshingly no-nonsense and will not put up with Madeleine's constant whining about an event she had invited herself to. It's a small, cold comfort, since Hana's actions here are tied to making Savannah's bachelorette a success rather than for herself - but it's still gratifying to see Hana in a position where she can call people out without having to worry about the repercussions. Especially when the narrative disrespects Hana in so, so many other ways for the rest of the series.

In the same chapter, the ladies of the court are given an opportunity to talk about their love lives. Of the four, two women can speak about the people they like (Penelope about Ezekiel by default, and Olivia about Liam if you choose), and one only mentions him by name if the MC is married to someone else (Kiara, about Drake, if you choose to ask her over Madeleine). Madeleine doesn't mention anyone at all, insisting that marriage is something she will only consider for the benefit of her country or estate. This was a relief to players who feared that PB might attempt to push the possibility of romance between Madeleine and Hana again.

Though Madeleine doesn't get the romance that PB so desperately wanted to gift her in the last series, and she isn't given any further romances...the narrative clearly wasn't done pandering to her, even though Jeffrey was not officially a part of the team.

Remember how in the previous essay, we explored the levels to which PB encouraged players to coddle Penelope? Entire chapters would be spent just making her feel comfortable and safe, in encouraging her to help us. No actual initiative or enthusiasm from her end, even if her actions caused the problem or there were lives and reputations at stake. No, Penelope's comfort and happiness should be front and center.

Now think of that treatment, but on steroids and lasting for two whole books. That's what Madeleine's story - starting from TRH2 - looks like.

TRH1 ends with the reveal that Madeleine's father, Godfrey, was involved in the assassination of Liam's mother Eleanor. So a certain amount of narrative focus on Madeleine was expected, perhaps. But the second book doesn't stop at just that.

We are not merely asked to be kind to Madeleine. No, kindness towards Madeleine is expected of us. The warning issued in TRH2 Ch 4 promises "consequences", which means we know straight off the bat that we will be punished if we're not nice enough. It insists we take note of her "fragile state", and give her the mercy and compassion she had never given to anyone in her court.

To give Madeleine the smallest of credits, she acknowledges this just two chapters prior to the oath ("in the past, our positions were once reversed and I was...unkind to you. I had no reason to expect any kindness from you..."). However, this admission does sound disingenuous in the face of the narrative's implicit demand that we treat her nicely. Because if she did recognise her own past behaviour in TRR2 esp as hurtful, and herself as not exactly deserving of kindness, then it makes no sense for her to judge people for behaving exactly as she expected. A genuine redemption arc would have been one where she understood no one owed her kindness after what she'd done, and still determinedly forged ahead to do good for her country. After all, the narrative wanted us so badly to believe this woman was patriotic, right? If her "patriotic spirit" was so tied to her ego that you needed to pamper and praise her every five minutes, just for her to not support such an obviously-foolish tyrant as Bartie Sr, then it can't have been as strong as canon so vehemently claimed.

TRH tracks our "treatment" of Madeleine over 2 books and 10 distinct scenes. Of these, 6 scenes allow us to choose between kind responses and unkind ones, 2 others require the player to choose one among multiple options of people, and 2 scenes are check-in dialogues rather than actual choices (which means that the player doesn't choose an option, they just find out through such scenes whether they are winning Madeleine's favour or not). I imagine that the first category is the most important, with the second being options that you don't necessarily need to choose Madeleine for if you want to go for one of the others, as long as you pressed enough "kind" options.

To elaborate, here's the breakdown:

Kind/Unkind Responses

- House Amaranth's pledge (TRH2 Ch 4). Notably, the "most hurtful" one doesn't even accuse her of anything - it just tells her that the family needs to earn back the Crown's trust. Compare that to Madeleine's accusations to Hana that she was trying to kill her and deserved to lose her position in court. You know, the cruel treatment that some Madeleine stans claimed "wasn't that bad".

- Carrying the Heir's train at Anointing Ball or not (Ch 5)

- Deciphering Madeleine's conversation with Godfrey on his boat (ie whether she is betraying or helping the MC) (Ch 6)

- Acknowledging Madeleine's help in capturing Godfrey, at the Gratitude Ball (Ch 7)

- Gently encouraging Madeleine into being Penelope's bridal attendant, rather than mocking her (TRH3 Ch 2). There is no longer any need to acknowledge Penelope's earlier fear of Madeleine - we are expected to forget entirely that she was the main reason why Penelope didn't want to return to court in TRR3.

- Trusting Madeleine to help with investigations at Fydelia (Ch 6)

Choosing Among Multiple People:

- Speaking about loyalty before making a pledge to the Heir. Other ladies of the house are also presented as choices (TRH 2 Ch 14)

- Babysitting the Heir during Fox Hunt. Other choices are Regina and Savannah (TRH3 Ch 10)

Relationship Check-in:

- The way Madeleine greets you at Fydelia (Warm Welcome/Cold Front) (TRH3 Ch 6)

- Whether Madeleine helps you escape with the Heir in Ch 13, or allows the child to get kidnapped by Godfrey in Ch 15 (Desparate Times/What Goes Around)

The ending of TRH3 has Madeleine either thriving and inheriting her mother's estate, or being merely fired from her job in Royal Communications (a better punishment would have been to strip the entire Amaranth family of their lands, but I digress). She is notably absent in TRF, possibly because she wasn't entirely very popular to start with and two whole books of coddling her didn't exactly help matters either. As one of the junior writers in the TRF team said, "some people exiled her so..."

The first few opportunities to win her over, notably emerge from attempts Madeleine makes to assure the Crown/MC of House Amaranth's loyalty, and you will find that even at an early stage she expects to be included in sensitive discussions that call for discretion, and to be constantly praised for her efforts. Let me give a reminder, again, that she hardly ever gave any praise to the women working for her, and in fact punished them just to keep them constantly in fear of her.

I know it sounds like I'm labouring too much on this point, but it's important to understand just how much effort the narrative had put into coddling this one woman. Chapters and chapters of branch coding, writing two routes, title cards, dialogues, rewards and consequences.

This is similar to the way the narrative encouraged kindness and sympathy towards Penelope, but it's now over a lengthier period of time and with more drastic consequences. We were required to coddle Penelope over a chapter each in three specific books, or be deprived of her support/help. We are required to constantly shower Madeleine with praise and sweet words over the course of 31 chapters, or she will help an unscrupulous Regent-Elect kidnap our child. She will even openly accept that the only reason she put a mere child through that, was because we weren't nice to her ("Wouldn't you have done the same to me? You've made it abundantly clear you see me as the enemy").

But if the MC deserved a punishment this cruel for just mocking Madeleine at every turn, then what punishments should Madeleine get for what she put her own ladies-in-waiting through? What should she get for planning to "break" one of her courtiers? A second broken engagement doesn't seem entirely enough by such parameters.

Then again - as I said before, the narrative deliberately shifted the goal posts for what a potential royal could and couldn't get away with, in the time between Madeleine's engagement tour and the MC's marriage, for this very reason. So that Madeleine would never have to face the kind of constant censure the MC and Liam would face regularly. Among characters in canon, or among largely biased stans in the fandom. Speaking of which...

Fandom

Madeleine's popularity has always been a mixed bag, ever since TRR2. By TRR2, there were people who loved her for what they thought were her craftiness and wiles, some who suspected her to be involved in the plot against the MC, and a number of Liam stans had reactions that ranged from stanning, to indifferent (after all, both Liam and Madeleine showed a mutual disinterest towards each other), to slightly jealous (after all, she was still his fiancée).

But it was Madeleine's treatment of Hana in Ch 7 that definitely crossed a line for quite a few. It was so unwarranted, and her justification for this act so inarguably cruel, that it turned several people off her immediately. The way canon dealt with this was to make her feature less in the story until the memory of the "chocolate incident" was faded and almost forgotten, and then encourage fans to sympathize with her.

The gamble definitely worked, with plenty of help from hardcore Madeleine stans who often downplayed what happened to Hana ("a prank", "making Hana cry just once" were some of the terms used to describe it). By TRR3, I recall having to remind some of my mutuals what actually happened in this scene - their own recollections of it were that vague. The Hana and Madeleine ship would have died a far quicker death if more people remembered this incident as it was shown, and not as narrative wanted us to remember it (and also, if more people cared that it was Hana being hurt, rather than their fave white girl/boy).

Madeleine gained some popularity among the wlw crowd - a couple of them did have a soft spot for stoic, aggressive or women often labelled as "bitchy" (I know a few who also showed a similar amount of love for ACOR's Xanthe or BB's Priya, to be fair...but the adulation for the white female antagonists was a lot more), and Madeleine clearly fit that bill.

A point that often came up from Madeleine stans who were wlw (and reiterated with other mean-girl characters) was that grey-shaded and villanous male characters weren't subject to as much censure as their favourites were. While there is truth to such an argument, it fails to take into account the role race often plays in the way some "mean" women are loved and certain others are scorned. Madeleine clearly did not have the scale of hate that a Xanthe or even a Kiara (who isn't even on the same level) got. In fact when it suited them, many in the fandom were more than ready to view Madeleine as a victim when Liam broke his engagement with her.

Madeleine's "patriotism" - as I've now clearly established - was a retcon made to erase the worst aspects of her characterization. Sometimes it was used to make people feel sorry for her losses, other times it was made to cover up her actual behaviour in TRR2. But there were very few readers who didn't consider it an undeniable fact. Even among those who were indifferent towards her. For instance, in an anon ask that compared Madeleine and QB's Poppy, a poster responded that "the difference between the two was that Madeleine had a sense of duty, and Poppy was just petty". In TRH3, players who claimed that "we can all agree Madeleine is fully redeemed" when she worked with the MC to protect the child from Bartie Sr, stayed mysteriously silent when the other consequence (her helping in the child's kidnapping because she didn't like the MC's pettiness) showed up.

And while these responses could be attributed to the way canon gassed Madeleine up in TRR2 and 3, some of these players had no problem nitpicking the political savvy or work of certain other (CoC) characters, esp Liam (often bashing them for "throwing parties every day", even though the general populace was depicted as being happy with their rule and influence. Mind you, no prompting from PB was necessary to bash these characters). So why were these parameters never applied to Madeleine? Why was practically no one asking what the political relevance of her bullying (as future Queen) was, or why we were expected to sing her praises for poor time management or terrible work ethics towards her boss, or ask what work she actually did in canon as Royal Comms Director? (There is a reference or two to the position, but you aren't shown that many instances of her doing much work). For quite a few, the fact that she walked around with a job title in TRH was more than enough (somehow Kiara never got this kind of fandom treatment despite being part of the Diplomatic Liaisons department).

How does this adulation for such a heavily retconned character, affect the way the Hana and Madeleine ship was viewed? For one, it meant that readers bought into the retcons easily enough that Hana's pairing with her was seen as an extension of her "redemption arc" by some.

Take the example of the various posts that argue in favour of this pairing, or fic that features them as a couple - a lot of them center Madeleine: her pain, her history, her reasons, the correctness of giving her a reward. Hana is barely mentioned or given much attention in these arguments - and often when she has any sort of voice, it is only there to humanize Madeleine. Supporters of this pair often took stances that were either ready to throw Hana under the bus, act like she hardly mattered, or treat her like some sort of blank slate to scribble their adulation for Madeleine over.

Hana is often viewed as less worthy of a focus - she is often the benevolent saint who forgives Madeleine because she "worked so hard to be better". Often it never matters to get into detail why Hana thought Madeleine earned her forgiveness, what Hana's perspective was, what journey she went through to get such a point. Because if Hana's journey really mattered in such a ship, the most pressing questions would revolve around why Hana should ever trust a person who wanted to break her in the first place. Why she should feel safe around such a person. Why her own friend group wouldn't want to protect her from such a person.

Some readers would bring up their parallels as daughters brought up in families that didn't value them, but neglect to take into account the nuances of those dynamics (Madeleine's mother at least wanted to be supportive, and no matter how bad things got, Madeleine was never in danger of being disowned. Hana was, repeatedly). Nor is it fully honest about how Madeleine was comfortable being a perpetrator of abuse, in contrast to Hana's own deep discomfort with the idea of controlling her partner.

In certain cases, I can maybe see this attitude in fandom emerging from an acceptance of the narrative's retcons as truth. But I also think there were as many readers who were just inclined to liking the mean white girl, and finding justifications and excuses for her behaviour.

Fandom's attitudes towards Hana herself often played a small role in how Hana's end of this story was ignored too. When TRR3 fucked up her arc phenomenally (by rushing her parents' turnaround from disowning her to supporting her in Ch 15), it became popular to view Hana as a lesser character, and the "meaner" white women as better. People who wanted other options for female LI often took their frustrations out on her, calling her "weak", servile and submissive, dismissing her honest accounts of the treatment she faced even from her own parents as "whining". If that was the way people preferred to view her emotionally abusive childhood...then what can one expect from such a fandom when she was being outright bullied?

Fandom was already comfortable with the idea of erasing Hana in their content, or replacing her with either their fave white girl (or an equally white OC esp in their fanfic - but more on that in a future Hana essay). So neglecting to center her in what would have been her only canonical alternative romance wouldn't be too difficult for some people.

Which merits the question...is there a way to write about (or write fic for) such a pairing, in a way that centers Hana, respects her story, makes it clear that she has the right to never forgive Madeleine no matter what she does to "earn" it - if that was what she wanted? I highly doubt it. You'd have to completely change Madeleine for that to happen, and that would more likely result in a situation where you were too busy working on her as a character, to give Hana the attention and focus she deserved.

And that's a real pity, because there's plenty to explore about Hana if you actually take the effort to look.

Conclusion

In a lot of ways, once the team had decided upon making Madeleine into a more positive character, they tried to draw a little from Olivia's arc to replicate its success. You can see some of these parallels in the way TRR2 structured the bachelorette as a semi-callback to the childhood- reveal-mocking-Savannah sequences in TRR1 Ch 7. Both chapters gave you reasons to start seeing these women in a different light, while still feeling free to dislike them. In both chapters they also targeted LIs - the only difference was that Drake's diamond scene post that confrontation centered him, and Hana's parallel diamond scene a book later...centered everyone else.

That attempt in TRR2 didn't work for several reasons - the timing wasn't right, Madeleine's cruelty had gone too far for some, the retconning hoodwinked quite a few people but not enough.

So when they tried to pair her up with the victim of her bullying, and twisted canon to make it happen - enough readers emerged to call it out, enough people pushed back by Ch 16, and the possibility of this alternative pairing garnered enough dislike that not only did the writers have to backtrack, but they also had to wipe away their past retcons and write in a scene where Madeleine gave Hana the full, unvarnished truth about the "chocolate incident". Hana was, thankfully, given a chance to give Madeleine her most polite "no".

And although that ship would never be brought up again, the team (even without Madeleine's top writer Jeffrey) still attempted to make pampering and uncritically praising her a narrative priority. She gained a bit more popularity during this time period - quite a few were inclined to feel sorry for her (especially considering the way her father's crimes affected her social standing) and saw only what happened if you were consistently nice to her.

But there was also a significant section of people who were tired of the constant coddling, and who didn't like that it was demanded of the player (when there were far more deserving WOC in the same book, who didn't get this level of kindness). It was significant enough that Madeleine wasn't given any scenes in the final book, and the writers cited her lack of popularity as a reason why.

As a Hana fan myself, it was a relief to see Hana not be paired up with her bully. But it was also immensely disheartening for me to see that "ship" get as far as it did, and to see the narrative do so much more work for Madeleine, than they did for Hana even in the follow up series. It was even more disheartening to see so many in fandom follow suit.

--

By now, we have explored 3 out of the 4 alternative pairings that TRR put forward for the LIs. They all vary in terms of buildup, attention, and payoff. But there are several things that are common about them. They all have either significant histories with the LI, or the narrative thinks they share something in common. The moment an "alternative" option ends up harming the MC, they are no longer suitable as an option because of the LI's loyalty towards her.

But perhaps the most common factor among the three women we have explored so far is how the LI is expected to treat the alternate, no matter how jealous the MC is allowed to get, no matter what the alternate themselves may have done in the past. The alternate is supposed to be treated well. With respect, with kindness, with compassion.

Betrayal doesn't allow an LI to treat their alternate badly. Bad behaviour doesn't allow an LI to treat their alternate badly. Disregarding consent doesn't allow an LI to treat their alternate badly. Classism doesn't allow an LI to treat their alternate badly. Not loving them back doesn't allow it either. Not even extreme levels of bullying...allows an LI to disrespect them.

In the next essay, we will see if any of these rules apply to our last alternative LI - Kiara.

Next: Drake and Kiara.

[i-luvsang]

song for the dead — kang yeosang

pairing : hecate!yeosang x gn!ghost!reader ➖⟢ genres : angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, fantasy, strangers to lovers ➖⟢ cw : murder & death, drowning, mythological inaccuracies, nightmares ➖⟢ wc : 2.5K ➖⟢ for : the elysium falling collaboration event !

bonus : inspo pinterest board & playlist

about hecate : hecate (often pronounced heh . kah . tee) is the greek goddess of magic, witchcraft, the night, the moon, ghosts, necromancy, and is the protector of entryways/crossroads. she is closely associated with dogs, torches, and liminality.

if you were an idiot, you’d think the strikingly handsome man with a doberman at his side could see you. he’s all the way across the street, looking right in your direction, but you know it’s the old stone wall behind you that he’s really seeing. you turn your head to look for anything interesting, maybe a plant growing in the space between the rocks.

there’s nothing, just grey, boring stone, lit by the yellow-tinted street lamps lining the road.

when you turn your head back in his direction, you nearly yelp aloud. he’s staring straight into your eyes.

the thought that he’s like you flashes through your mind, and then a pedestrian who’s distracted by the phone in their hand swerves at the last moment to avoid crashing into him. that means they can see him. people who are seen are alive and people who are alive can’t see ghosts.

but the way his eyes stay trained right to yours sends a shiver crawling up your spine. as if he’s challenging you, telling you that he can see you.

you're convinced he can when his gaze never falters from you as your dead feet carry you to him. the solidifying factor is the way his dog’s eyes follow your figure too.

“you can see me.”

“i can.” the doberman doesn’t move from the man’s side, but its gaze is somehow wary and calculating. you’ve never seen that kind of look in a dog’s eyes before. you turn your attention back to the man in front of you.

“but you’re not a ghost.”

“no, i’m not.” it’s almost disappointing when he says that. you think it would have been nice to have a gorgeous ghost friend to wander the streets and coffee shops with. he would perfectly fulfill the “gorgeous” part of the application.

“so what are you?” you’ve found yourself to be far more brazzen in death now that you reckon there’s nothing else for you to lose. 

“a god,” he answers simply, no conceit to the word, just honesty. that’s what convinces you it’s true. a human who thinks they are a god thinks they are better than what they really are. a god is a god, you suppose. he certainly looks like a god, his features sculpted to perfection and dark attire immaculate. the combination of his turtleneck, dress pants, oxford shoes, and long wool coat compliment his dark hair and eyes perfectly.

“not the god?” you question further, both of you easily ignoring the strange glances that people passing by throw at the man, or god, rather. he appears to be having a conversation with the air in front of him.

“not the one you think of.” he’s keen to giving answers that are straightforward, and yet they beg the asking of more questions. “there are many gods.”

“so which god are you?”

“i’m the god of many things. magic, the moon and the night, necromancy. and you, among other things.”

“me? how so?” you can’t lie and say he doesn’t intrigue you. it’s interesting that he can claim to be your god without sounding like he thinks he’s everything better than you.

“you’re a ghost.”

“so you’re the god of ghosts. and what, you’ve come to collect me and bring me to the underworld? seems like quite a menial task for the god of so many grand things.”

when he says your name aloud without ever having asked for it, you begin to wish you could take back the sarcasm you put into your words just moments ago. and yet, the tone of his voice is not threatening, more chiding than anything else. “you are right, it is not my duty to collect lost souls who still roam the earth. but the world is far different now than it once was for gods such as i. in the modern era, most ghosts do not know that i see them. evidently, you can tell. thus, you fall under my protection.”

a sort of warmth is planted in your chest at these words, a warmth you’ve been missing since the moment you realized that you were dead. you’re always, always cold. you’d think physical discomfort would leave you in death, but you can’t escape the chill that’s settled all the way down to your ghostly bones.

“but i’m already dead. what’s there to protect me from?” you keep up the cold front regardless of the way he made you feel just now. his gaze softens.

“your human life is over. your consciousness, clearly, is not. i think you’ve forgotten that you can still feel. ghosts are haunted too.” this time his words make you want to cry. you didn’t forget to feel. you simply choose to ignore it all and now he’s pulling it out of its box and showing it to you. you tear your gaze away from the sincere look on his face.

“can i pet your dog?” you make eye contact with the animal instead. he sighs.

“you may. she doesn’t bite unless i say.” talking about her he doesn’t sound so stern anymore, despite the vaguely threatening nature of the words he says.

a small smile finds its way to your face as you crouch to be more level with her. she’s stunning, her look just as god-like as her companion.

“hello,” you say, voice soft, but full of respect. reaching out, the feel of her fur and the warmth of her very living body sends a shiver through you. you forget you haven’t touched anything alive and breathing since you became a ghost until you feel her move underneath your touch. it’s exhilarating and comforting all at once. a breath you didn’t realize you were holding falls from your lips in a heavy, heavy sigh. as if she knows the way you feel, she steps closer to you and rests her long snout on your shoulder. it’s the closest thing to a hug that you’ve received since the night of the dark new moon and the dark eyes and the dark water and your breath catches in your throat as if it’s been stolen from you.

a hand on your shoulder startles you and breath comes rushing into your lungs in the form of a gasp. suddenly, you’re not dying anymore, like you were just a moment ago. then you realize you were dying over again in your head, that you’re already dead, and the god is calling your name softly.

you look up at him and the hint of melancholy in his eyes. the dog’s comfort is still there.

“you see now? i’m not forcing you to come with me or accept my help, but there are things i can provide you that no one else can. and i’d like to help if you’ll let me.” he’s genuine. who knew a god could be so kind.

when he holds out his hand, you are quick to take it. his flesh is not warm like that of his dog’s, but there’s comfort in his grip notheless. you stand and let your hand fall from his.

“thank you.” your voice is barely audible, but he hears it. you let your eyes meet his and realize you don’t know his name.

“you may call me yeosang.” he gives you the answer to the question you didn’t even ask aloud. then he does it again. “and, no, i can’t read your mind. but i can read enough from your eyes.”

“thank you, yeosang.”

“you’re welcome,” he says with that velvety deep voice of his. “i’d like to take you to a place for you to call home from now on. is that alright?”

it sounds lovely, but you hesitate. you think of the people you loved, the one’s you’ve been searching for. somehow, you can never find them, like they’re the ghosts and not you. you’re almost grateful, barely able to acknowledge how much seeing them would hurt.

your hesitance speaks loud enough for yeosang to know. “you will not ever be able to see them. just as they cannot see you, the people you loved in this life will not appear to you again until they too are dead. i’m sorry.” you sigh at the confirmation of what you already expected.

“then yes. take me there.” anywhere but here.

he nods to you, then to his doberman and she takes the lead, down the cobblestone road.

that night is the first time that you see magic. you see it now everyday. first is the moon, almost full, and following you as you walk. really, it’s following him, forever hanging right over his head no matter which direction you turn. you’re sure no one else can see it, but you can’t stop watching it move through the sky, completely disregarding any laws of science.

then, you get to see the way sparks fly from the palms of his hands and cast flickering shadows on the walls of a darkened alleyway. this time, when he grabs your hand, it’s so searing hot that you shut your eyes tight and almost yank yourself away despite the warning he gave moments ago. then, there’s wind whipping at your hair and a numbing chill in the air that wasn’t there moments ago. you open your eyes and it’s clear that you’re no longer in that alley. of course, he warned you about this too—the fact that you’d be teleporting halfway across the globe to the edge of the human world and walking into the prison turned paradise of the old, forgotten gods such as himself.

that night is the first night that you sleep in his home. you sleep there every night now. he gives you a room in the house that he claims is far smaller than anything he lived in during his prime, but is grander than any building you think you ever set foot in during your life.

slowly, he introduces you to friends of his. some gods, a few other ghosts or servants from the old underworld.

and slowly, he introduces you to feeling again. sometimes, it’s a nightmare. literally. you’ll wake in a cold sweat, the kind you thought you could avoid after departing from your physical body. but still, even in front of his warm hearth, you can’t rid yourself of the cold that soaks you through. those nights are the ones where you forget how to breathe for a moment, the ones where he started with holding your hand to calm you, the ones where, now, he’ll pull you right into his arms and tell you that it’s alright. that it’s over. 

other times, feeling isn’t too bad at all. nice, even. because he’s learned how to make you smile, with a joke or a clumsy mistake you didn’t know a god could make. he gives you books and flowers for your room. his dog, basillea will curl up next to you by the fire and fall asleep with her head in your lap. he shyly taught you an oddly comforting lullaby called song for the dead, and he’ll press a kiss to your forehead and hum it when he thinks that you’ve finally fallen back asleep after your nightmare. you’re glad that you can feel all that too.

but every time, you reject his suggestions to find out how it happened. how you died. he thinks it will help you move on. you think you’d rather not know. 

you haven’t told him that you remember some of it; you know why you feel soaked in coldness, why you can’t breathe when you wake up. but you don’t want to know how it came to be, because it feels like there’s something horrible lurking in the deep end of your memory, waiting to be uncovered.

but you’re insistent on ignoring that. until it can no longer be ignored.

this time, there’s a scream, so raw and terrified that yeosang uses his magic to be by your side in an instant.

“what’s wrong?” he demands, convinced of an active threat. you’ve never woken from nightmares with a scream. but it takes him less than a moment to see that it’s just you, gasping and clawing at the blankets like you’re drowning in them. soft and careful, his voice calls your name and begins a mantra of “it’s alright” and “i’m right here.” when his hands meet your shoulders to pull you up and into his arms, you bolt upright with a start before melting into his embrace. your tears are already wetting his shirt and he feels his own eyes well up at the sight and sound of you so afraid.

“breathe,” he reminds you, hand rubbing up and down your back to mimic the rhythm of “in” and “out.” when you can finally breathe properly, you’re still crying, clinging to him like he’s your lifeline. in that moment, he is.

he doesn’t speak once you’re still in his arms, save for the rise and fall of your chest. he just holds you close, for so long he thinks you’ve fallen back asleep without saying a word. and like he always does, he presses the gentlest of kisses to the crown of your head and whispers, “goodnight, my love.”

“don’t go,” you whisper back, before he can begin humming your song, voice pleading and broken. there’s a long moment of silence. “i- i drowned. in the lake.” he doesn’t say anything because he knows there’s more. you try to speak again, but the words get caught in your throat. “it…it wasn’t— yeosang, it wasn’t an accident.” your voice is so quiet that he can barely hear it. his heart drops. he feared it before, as the reason why you were trying so hard not to remember it. but he certainly didn’t want it to be true.

he wanted to protect you from the moment he saw you, out of duty and the natural role of protector he’s always been in. but it’s different now that he’s in love with you. it fuels a deep, deep despair and the kind of rage that he’s never been prone to have. for a moment, his heart seeks revenge, before it recenters itself to you.

for once in his immortal life, he’s a god at a loss for words. he’s seen murder and treachery far more brutal than yours, and yet nothing could have prepared him for this. he feels so humbled when he can only hope that his words will be enough.

“you’re safe now. i’m sorry, my love. i am so, so sorry. you did not deserve a death like this, or death at all—” he means it, even though it means you would not be his had you been given a fraction of what you did deserve, “—but i promise, no one will ever hurt you again.”

you nod and bask in his words. while you don’t think you can even begin to process your death all over again with this gruesome detail added, you find comfort that it will be with him by your side.

and with your throat ragged from crying, you begin to sing, still curled up in his arms. he joins you on the second line. and you sing until your voice gives out, and he sings until long after you’ve fallen asleep, the song for the dead.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Yandere Imposter: Tomura Shigaraki

He’s often a subject of suspect during meetings

Always backed up by one of his groupies

With the white or cyan suit, you have every right to be wary of him

He’s the heir to a massive galactic crime syndicate

That needs the majority of this crew gone

Whether they’re ejected or eliminated by him and his team

It will be done

But he’s allowed to have a prize for himself

The cute and haughty navigator who he wants nothing more than to see you crying his name out will suffice

Since you met he’s wanted to break you down

To put you in your place next to him as a power

To own the bossy navigator that has no problem telling him how you feel about his work ethic

Always nitpicking in that adorable bossy voice of yours

Wagging your little finger in his face teasing him to no end

He’s always felt especially steamy in his suit when you’re critiquing his tasks over his shoulder

Just reach over and kiss him, why don't you

But he thinks it’ll feel even better when he’s the one calling the shots

With permission from his father, you are his reward 

As long your not working for the enemy you’re all his:

“Geez could this night get any worse!?” 

You called out to the echoing chamber of the control room. Awoken in the heat of the night by your captain you rushed to try and fix the malfunctioning system. Your crew was dwindling leaving the few of you to divide and conquer. Splitting apart to fix the most vital inner workings of the Innersloth ship which conveniently have all begun to malfunction at the same time. You were given your original station–Navigation, only for the adjacent system of communication to also be glitching. Trying to manage both systems you're running back and forth throughout the room you were so frazzled you almost missed the entry of your assistant. 

“Shigaraki?! Good, I’m glad that your here. I need help stabilizing communications and navigation, take your pick.”

You continued working, stopping to yell at him when you heard no movement or response. But when you turned the confusion of his appearance was enough to make you stop.

“What are you wearing? And why are you smiling like that?”

He indeed was smiling as he continued to walk into the room; wearing a red-hooded cape over a black skintight suit that reminded you of the elite space heroes uniform. He moved to the communication panel took out a flash drive and plugged it into the port. You opened your mouth to reprimand him for this bizarre behavior but you were stopped by the feedback from the public announcement system. 

“As of now we have control over all communications and in a bit, we will have….navigation. In three...two...one.”

At the mention of the word the red blinking lights changed to green, indicative of the remote access that was apparently being used. You wished that was the end of it but it was not. 

“Done! Oh and in a lil’ bit we’ll begin our little,” the speaker laughed before continuing,” firing squad courtesy of Dabi!! Would you like to hear from the lucky contestants?”

“Mmmf agh No please you can’t do this, please–mmmmf”

The voice of your captain pleaded to shrink as she was pulled away with a hand covering her mouth. Listening you could hear similar silenced noises of the remaining crew struggling.

“And that’s all from them! We’re going to have a great show! Do you want to join us Shiggy-boss man?” 

The click of a walkie-talkie from behind you and the smug response of your former assistant solidified any doubts that might have lingered on.

“You guys can start without me. I’ll just be getting my prize…”

Hollering and muffled screams on the PA were the last you heard before it was clicked off. A cold sweat formed on your neck and a bubble of fear formed in your mouth. You refused to turn, to look the man in his blood-hungry eyes. 

“So are you going to kill me now…?”

“You know that’s not what I want.”

“Than the prize you want…?”

“It's you. It’s always been you.”

[jmoonjones]

OK, so this story really ballooned in my mind and it started to become clear that drawing it all out would be a pretty big undertaking, especially since much of it is exposition.

I made the pivot to writing most of it out because as a dyslexic person, it does me good to practice writing (I tried for the style of a history book? Maybe?). Prior warning on any typos, just roll with it. 

In post-war Illyria, the land finds itself ensnared in a web of adversity. A dwindling population hampers agricultural endeavors, while power struggles over vacant leadership positions sow discontent among the people. Whispers circulate, advocating for Illyria's right to select its own leader from someone who lives within their own borders. 

This chosen person would safeguard the interests of Illyria and its inhabitants from being used as a military power but ignored in times of peace. Progression is overdue, trade is being stunted, and the now-largely female population (due to the losses during the war) is eager for equality. 

And thus enters Emerie, a Carynthian and a Valkyrie, as well as a small-business proprietor. Practical and resolute, Emerie begins to garner support from the predominantly female populace, with her Carynthian status creating male allies as well. She envisions a future of thriving trade, using her own experience running her shop, and dreams of Illyria never being lacking in spices and salt. 

She envisions cultivating an economy based on tourism, enticing other courts to partake in Illyria's small shops and enterprises, and this will help build new businesses like hotels and guided tours.

As the movement gains traction, the final piece of the puzzle falls into place: Devlon. Possessing the wisdom of age and name recognition she lacks, Devlon bridges the divide between the disparate camp factions and gives her 'legitimacy' to the wary males by standing as Emerie's second-in-command. 

Devlon wants independence for Illyria and is smart enough to see that getting on board with Emerie and her group would give the movement more traction and more likelihood of success. 

(It helps that Nesta, ever vigilant, casts an ominous witchy glance at Devlon whenever he looks to be up to no good. He will eventually establish himself as a trusted confidant to Emerie and her government. )

In a collaborative effort with their loyal companions, Emerie and Devlon meticulously pen a declaration of independence so thorough and thoughtful that even Rhys, the High Lord of the Night Court, accedes to its terms. Acknowledging that the most advantageous course of action for Illyria is to empower it, Rhys pledges financial aid as seed capital while the newly independent nation gets on its feet. A special bond endures between Illyria and the Night Court, now operating as sovereign entities with far less strain than before.

Emerie becomes the Prime, with Devlon as her Second-in-Command. There's an initial forum with citizens to share their worries, followed by a celebratory party DJ-ed by Nesta's ipod-egg and featuring singing by Gwyn. 

Rhysand employs this secession as a catalyst to deepen his involvement in the Hewn City, but this time with benevolent intentions. Bereft of the Illyrian army, he endeavors to gain control over the Darkbringers and seeks to enhance the quality of life therein, offering the possibility of migration to Velaris for those who desire it.

With Nesta and Cassian at the helm of two formidable armies—the Valkyries and the Illyrians, respectively—Illyria solidifies its status as a force to be reckoned with in Prythian. This commands immediate respect from the other courts, who are intrigued at this new country for them to trade and visit (but not dare to take on in battle). 

Oh, and did I mention that our trailblazer Emerie secures a seat at the High Lord table being the first female and elected leader to sit there? Because she does. 

Gwyn, bravely venturing forth from the confines of the library, champions the cause of non-High Fae rights. As a part-nymph, she has personally encountered bigotry, which resonates with the plight of other marginalized fae and Illyrians. (Remember all that 'lesser fae' bs from ACOTAR?)

Gwyn assumes the mantle of their advocate, bolstered by Nesta, who desires a future where her part-Illyrian child will never experience such animosity. Several priestesses get involved and their 'safe haven library' mission expands to other courts (becoming a quasi-embassy) run by a priestess-ambassador. Helion and Meallan are invaluable as transportation while they get set up. 

In this shared mission, Nesta stands as Gwyn's steadfast second, while Gwyn reciprocates as Nesta's second within the Valkyrie army. Together, they dedicate their efforts to train any woman who aspires to be empowered and thrive.

Emerie bestows a position of authority upon one of her close friends in Windhaven; a fellow small-business owner, who becomes the Chief of Trade. She begins by establishing a robust import framework, laying the groundwork for future exports and imports. Initially targeting the Night Court as a trade partner, their aspirations eventually extend to encompass all of Prythian.

Azriel becomes both emissary for the Night Court and shared spymaster. This mutually beneficial alliance allows Illyria and the Night Court to share confidential intelligence. By being more involved in Illyria, Azriel begins to reconcile his own long-held prejudices to his people and heritage. He splits his time evenly between the two courts (when he's not spying). 

Nesta and Cassian live in Illyria full-time, training their armies and raising their family. Nesta also dedicates time to creating a night life by helping establish several clubs/bars with dancing and music for all to enjoy. Eventually talented Illyrians will form schools dedicated to the arts. Speaking of school...

Devlon's cause is education. Too proud to ever admit he's wrong, he realizes he needs to be right more often than not to make that work. He sets up schools in each camp, many of which also serve as boarding schools for the orphans. He claims it because it's because he doesn't want to deal with wild children running about, but he becomes very invested in education and it gets really dusty in here whenever a child hugs his leg. 

This emancipation advances Illyria and the relationship with the Night Court is forever made more solid now that there's mutual respect and admiration between the two. 

Are you still reading? Oh my goodness, thank you. As you can see, this idea would have been tricky to draw out since most of it is exposition. 

[yujeong]

hiiiiii, i just found your blog and saw you talking about how pete and porsche aren't the besties in the show that so many people see them as which is a thought i've had for some time; like, don't get me wrong, i like peteporsche being besties (and maybe being besties that kiss each other) and i love when people write them that way (especially post-canon) BUT i personally just never thought that they were that close in show-canon, idk......i have trouble putting my thoughts into words but when i rewatched the show at the beginning of the year i was actually kinda surprised by how these two don't really feel like bffs, and yeah i know pete went into hell specifically for porsche but then again, porsche just kinda forgets he did that? and then the bathroom scene(s)? idk i just feel there is so much complicated mess.....so yeah, my thoughts are pretty much jumbled and difficult to parse, lmao, i'm sorry

also sorry for just coming into your inbox like this, lmao, but i would love to hear more of your thoughts on them and how they interact in the show (if you are willing to share, of course)!!!

Hi there! Firstly, thank you so much for reaching out to me. I love talking about KP in general - VP and Pete more specifically - so your message was very welcome. Now, Pete and Porsche's relationship is such a fascinating thing, I could really talk for hours about it. On the surface level, they seem close but upon further inspection, it turns out that - as @therealblessedaffliction mentioned - Porsche is closer to Vegas of all people than to Pete. There are reasons for this of course. Pete is part of the main family, the family that basically forced Porsche into working for them. He's loyal to Kinn, a person Porsche was at first wary of/mad at. He doesn't believe Pete when he tells him he's the most normal person in the house and he generally ignores his advice until the incident with the minor family happens, when Pete tells him about how Kinn saved his life and to basically get his head out of his ass. They have their cute moments throughout the show but even in those, it's all surface level; Porsche doesn't trust Pete with the information of kissing Kinn or of what Kinn did to him. He doesn't trust him with the information of being in a relationship with Kinn. He doesn't think twice about him when he's rescued by Kinn and the gang in ep 10 and when Kinn is worried about Pete due to his odd behaviour, Porsche doesn't even consider the possibility of sth being off, even though he should have. Cue the Hum Bar scene, in which Porsche just brings Pete along to give to Vegas as a bargaining chip without (evident) remorse and that solidifies the belief I have that Pete and Porsche are colleague buddies, not actual friends. They work well together, they have good platonic chemistry, they totally understand each other, even if they don't show it, but they aren't friends. (Porsche is oblivious to this, just as he's oblivious to the fact that punching the guy who caused his supposed friend physical and psychological harm, as well as threatening him to not do it again, means jack shit when he's the one giving Vegas the chance to hurt Pete once more) That brings me to Pete who, god bless his kind soul, decided to risk his life for Porsche when it wasn't even that necessary? One thing that had confused me about ep 10 and Kinn's plan is that he said he needed the proof of Tawan and Vegas cooperating but in the end it was kind of pointless? Maybe he needed the proof to give it to their partners or sth but whatever the case, it doesn't matter. What matters is that Pete embarked on a mission with high probabilities of failure (and death) because he trusted Porsche and he wanted to help him. We're talking about a man that gave his grandma's food to a stranger the first time he saw him, a man who tried to push back against Tankhun to spare Porsche of his humiliating punishment, a man that risked angering his scary boss by giving him advice to help fix their relationship. What I'm trying to say is, Pete is empathetic af and for those he deems worthy being a sacrifice for, he'll gladly do it. Porsche was one of them.

Btw, I totally believe Porsche thinks him and Pete are friends. His attitude towards him is friendly, he's teasing him and their conversations are those you have with friends, not someone you're not that familiar with. He calls him everyday in the 1 month we never saw to ask how Vegas is doing, encouraging Pete that he'll get better. I just don't think Pete believes the same. Porsche has shown that he's oblivious about many things in the series and this fact, I believe, is one of them. I hope my answer satisfied you, I'm just rambling at this point and I repeated myself a couple of times. They're so fascinating though so my enthusiasm got the better of me haha. P.S. It would have been cool if Pete and Porsche had actually kissed in episode 4 but that would kind of go against Pete's philosophy of "Kissing is for people that we like only" and it would go against the headcanon I have that Pete doesn't like being touched/isn't intimate with anyone before Vegas (sth I'll write meta about soon :3)

[bebe-tatsu]

It's SaiTatsu headcanon time once again (aka delusion time for me yay ) ( ˶ˆ⤙ˆ˵ )

So we've pretty much established a very strong parallel between Saitama and Blast at least within the Blast/Tatsumaki/Saitama mini subplot, right? And we pretty much at this point confirmed Blast is NOT Saitama (lol)

If you're still wary, I'll show you these direct panel callbacks between SaiTatsu and Blasumatsu

Exhibit #1 Saitama doing this Hero Thing for Fun. Ever since webcomic btw, this alone has fueled the HUNDREDS of theories regarding whether Saitama is Blast.

Exhibit #2: Giving our Tatsumaki the well-deserved head pats :")

Exhibit #3 Peppering and spoiling our little angry gremlin with the best compliments :)

Exhibit #4 and possibly one of the MOST important moment that solidified the Saitama/Blast parallel. My last exhibit is THE panelling in Chapter 182 which is JUST pure GENIUS STORYBOARDING by ONE. I kneel in front of the master honestly.

As you can see, Tatsumaki reverted back to the lost little child she was in her mind.

She kept asking Blast for guidance but he's turning away from her as his face is being shrouded by blinding light....

...and as he walks away further, his face turning away from Tatsumaki, his back turned towards us

.. and then as Blast is engulfed by the shining light do we FULLY see Saitama's face gazing on her (with the light bouncing off from his bald head LOL what a poor guy) This is in opposition to us (in Tatsumaki's POV) not seeing Blast's face and him moving away from us to which we then cut to Tats seeing Saitama's face in full VISIBILITY and HE IS SO CLOSE TO US

As Blast exits the frame, Saitama comes in literally BLINDINGLY shiny. Like the light that would show Tatsumaki the right way. (Corny way to put it, whatever)

And that is such a CHEF'S KISS way to show that Saitama HAS NOW replaced Blast completely in the mind (and hopefully the heart) of one Tatsumaki.

Now that is established, What now? (WEBCOMIC SPOILERS btw)

& also this is just crazy headcanoning/theorizing so if that's not your drift, please ignore

And here is where the fun part of being in a fandom begins, the headcanons.

At this point we're already expecting Blast's son to arrive anytime soon right? LE GASP. Blast has a SON? He has formed... a family??

I also want to presuppose that there must be a reason why Tatsumaki and Saitama was placed in an age-group that is so close to one another, 25 and 28. In Tatsumaki's age as well, she's already at the right time where women in Japan begin considering marriage or making a family. NOW..

How do I make that connection to SaiTatsu? Once Tatsumaki learns about Blast having a son. It has to at least, subconsciously, make her connect the possibility of having a family as well and then thereby connect it with Saitama (which is, in HER MIND, has now replaced Blast)

However, in the webcomic, we are not given that POV

(ONE is suspiciously keeping that type of reaction under wraps. In fact, it was so underwhelming in the webcomic. TATS idolized Blast ALL HER LIFE. he IS her defacto father. To learn about Blue, we must get a more substantial reaction from her, right??)

Anyway that's all. peace ( ˶ˆ⤙ˆ˵ )

[ardenssolis]

continued from [ x ] || @blackhardtt

DESPITE HOW HIS FATHER had been gone for years, Ozymandias was still attempting to solidify his control as a ruler. Six years was hardly anything in terms of experience to established kings. Those first initial years were what was most important, thus he spent the majority of his time attempting to form alliances with others, as well as trying to alleviate whatever unease older officials might have about the direction of the kingdom. A transference of power was, after all, always met with some form of wariness. It was to be expected. All Ozymandias needed to do was further prove himself until all those uncertainties became distant memories not worth recalling. Who better to reach out to than the Kingdom and Indore now that it had a new ruler as well? The tyrannical king of the region was gone, and with it, any potential threat that it might have caused also seemed abysmal…or so he liked to think. He needed to further observe King Cyrus himself in order to get a better picture of whether it was trustworthy, or whether he needed to keep a close eye on its movements.

     How surprising it was, that Cyrus had accepted his invitation to see his kingdom. He had expected him to be much like his father had been – preferring that other rulers see him; not the other way around. A good sign, if anything. It was even better that when he arrived, that he was extremely personable and polite. Now, Ozymandias only needed to gauge intentions, and seek out any cunning attempts at manipulating him with honeyed words. Making his way over to the other man, he chuckled softly, pleased with the polite bow in greeting as he came to stand beside them by the balcony (noting, again, just how large the other was in comparison to himself). ❝Ah, yes, it has been especially lively today. A festival is taking place, so that’s why it is even more vibrant than usual. You came to visit at a good time.❞ The other’s latter words, though quiet, were noted. Surprise flickered for a moment within those golden eyes as they shifted from the joyous sight below, to Cyrus once more.

     Hmm…a most curious statement.

     Since he had first met the other king, he had been attempting to figure them out. Those who approached him with arms extended and mirth in their gaze were the ones who needed to be watched. He knew this game well. There were often always ulterior motives behind such gestures. However, he had a hard time finding anything suspicious from Cyrus. He seemed…rather open, really. Not once had Ozymandias sensed any deception from him. It was bizarre for a man like him who was always on guard, always one step ahead of someone else. At first, he assumed that the other was merely skilled at knowing just what to say to put another at ease so that they could chip away at defenses bit by bit. It was just that the longer he was around the other, the more he was beginning to question whether his thoughts were more or less wrought from wariness than learned fact. ❝You honor me with your praise. I have heard that your kingdom is magnificent as well. Tell me, what is your kingdom like? I only know some things from books, or from the occasional merchant's tale. However, such things are better heard from one who lives there.❞

[strdstd]

[ @dutybcrne ⸻ cont. from ★ ]

Bounty hunters don't make for good spouses. That being all he'd heard, so much so that he'd grown to believe it. After all, rarely did he run into any married bounty hunters or heist partners. And those that were, well... they didn't last long according to local legends. That belief solidifying into something firm and unshakeable the very moment he resigned himself to his

fate of dehumanization and ruthlessness in the name of vengeance after his world went up in flames. To put a spin on his long-held belief which felt more accurate to his circumstances: cyborg Galaxy Rangers that'd sooner detach from any potentially deeper connections than delve further into that daunting chasm of uncertainty, wariness, and fear of even more loss... wouldn't make for good spouses.

It really had been a punch square to the jaw. Nearly knocking him out cold with the realization. Kaeya being the one strike he just couldn't dodge for the life of him. Going from someone he thought well and truly wanted to kill him so he wouldn't cause anymore trouble, to the person he threw all caution to the wind in order to save. Someone who'd earned his utmost trust, someone he could let his iron-clad guard down around.

All the fears that clung to him like burrs stuck in his hair, faded the moment he knew and understood Kaeya's reasoning. Hell, he related to that sentiment heavily. Desperately trying to salvage the remnants of his long-gone home, no matter the cost. Still, the Abyss be damned, he was gonna saunter right in and make the promise of a lifetime. Wound up not making the dramatic rescue of the man he just now realized he loved, but- It was enough at the time to make that promise. A little indirect confession.

"You ain't gettin' rid of me that easily, Kaeya."

And that promise held true. Especially now. Further sealed by a ring, one littered with blemishes. Covered in scratches and far from professionally made. Yet, Kaeya'd accepted it all the same. Accepted him. That being the most he could ask for.

Strands of dual-toned hair were already beginning to loosen from the long braid it'd been styled in, his face in its entirety finally visible thanks to the held back bit of hair. Leaving it exposed, something he knew Kaeya was taking full advantage of at this moment. Boothill himself certainly wasn't complaining, following Kaeya's lead in their little impromptu dance into the room. Downright reveling it in, signature whirs of his body sounding suspiciously like a cat's purrs. To think he staunchly declared time and time again that physical affection meant nothing to him now, how he could live without it, how only having the ability to feel sensation above his neck was enough. Well, for now at least, it was.

An awe-filled laugh ultimately petered out into a sigh, briefly shaking his head in disbelief. Yet the smile was not and could not be wiped from his face. A hand rose to rest against Kaeya's cheek while the other remained at his waist. "Well, shit, as if I was gonna ever say 'no' to any of this."

With each utterance of the three-word phrase, it honestly felt bullets to the chest, for lack of a better term. A iron chest, but still enough to leave an impact. Strong enough to leave him temporarily speechless, as though struggling to fully process the sheer weight of them being told to him. Especially when told to him. It'd probably always be that way, still generating even a minuscule shock to the system. "Damn, it's like you're tryna turn me into a ghost rider early, ain't ya?" he managed with a (dare he say) shy chuckle, hand falling from Kaeya's cheek to his shoulder. "But! Don't go thinkin' you'll shut me up either! I love, love, love you. That enough for ya?"

Gaze then drifted away a slight, expression dimming a little, even with the smile remaining.

"Y'know... I never thought I'd have this. Gettin' married 'nd all that. Hell, I can hear what my folks, siblings, friends would say 'bout it. The jokes they'd make..."

[revserrayyu]

2.3 Penacony thoughts [part 1]

***SPOILER WARNING*** for the beginning of the 2.3 story update up until Jade’s solo conversation with Old Oti. At this moment in time I’ve already finished the whole story, so be wary that I may reference later scenes as I ramble on.

Starting off with how glad I am that we get to see more interactions happen between the Stellaron Hunters. This one is especially great as Silver Wolf comments how Firefly is typically donning the SAM mecha suit instead of working as herself.

I also find it sweet how Silver Wolf hacks all the systems so Firefly can further enjoy this special occasion without her worrying about getting caught so she can feel normal just a while longer.

Okay first off, their height difference? Hilarious. Secondly, Firefly didn’t actually experience her third “death,” did she? I mean, she took the Sparkle bomb doll high up into the air and fireworks went off, but then after we get knocked off the ship, she catches us in her SAM suit so like.. she’s fine, yeah? Unless something happens after we return from reality and we just don’t know yet? I dunno, like I said I finished the story all in one go and there was lots of info to take in all at once so chances are I forgot something.

They chat more about buying something for Kafka, Blade’s eerie message about temptation and eating sweets and it all just solidifies my desire to see the four of them actually share a scene together someday like the crazy, dangerous found family they are.

I wasn’t really expecting us to get a POV switch with Topaz. All patches before had a moment with the new Penacony characters, sorta giving us a sneak peak for their banners, so to get a switch with Topaz, who already had her banner and isn’t new or really associated with the land of dreams is a surprise, but I’m not mad about it. Also, Jarilo mention! Let us go back, please!

Now this scene.. oh boy. It had me with my mouth hung open when the 2.3 trailer dropped and seeing the whole cutscene here was quite a treat. I’m not even in a ship kind of mindset right now (surprisingly); it’s just after being teased with simple phone calls from Jade and a single flash back of her to finally seeing this woman in game that made me so ecstatic!

I did of course take notice how scared Numby looked, (and Topaz trying to calm it down, aw!) and while Topaz does have a small smile, it feels a bit forced to me? Sure she could be happy to see Jade and to get the chance to work with her, but if Numby’s shaking like that then obviously Jade is someone we should be cautious about. Or it could just be hiding itself since pets aren’t really allowed at the IPC as far as I remember.. who knows why this little guy is frightened.

Listen here, I don’t mind all the chatter about these two ladies being an item. I’m all for it, even AvenPaz or literally any other paring you can think of in this game. If I adore the characters enough and can make sense of it, I’m in, so while this sudden caress of the face is quite surprising to see for this game and highly intrigues me, I don’t think it’s done in an endearing kind of way? I have the same feeling whenever Jade calls Topaz “little Jelena.” It gives me condescending vibes, like Jade isn’t using Topaz’s real name to be affectionate or show how close and trusting they are of each other but as a reminder that she’s her superior and her orders should be followed perhaps? They aren’t even supposed to be using their real names anymore and I doubt someone as high ranking as Jade would break such rule just to be cute.

I didn’t think too much about this one shot at first other than how beautiful Jade is and how she has her own cornerstone in hand again, but later on during the quest Topaz mentions that not all of the Ten Stoneheart’s abilities are as flashy as Aventurine’s and some could “read your thoughts” or “grasp your desires” and to be cautious of them, so I have a feeling that Jade was using whatever kind of ability she has the way her cornerstone is glowing like that. The whole “you can tell me anything, just like old times” makes me think that maybe she’s the one who can read minds, or force you to tell the truth or perhaps even control your actions in some way. I dunno for sure but with how little we truly know about her she’s definitely someone to be feared.

And to all those saying their relationship is like mother and daughter or master and student, here: equals. To those who will bite back and say she refers to Topaz as her junior during the conversation with Old Oti, I’m sure it was to just prove a point. They’re different in ranks and experience in the IPC, that’s for sure, but the respect is still there.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who thought Old Oti looked like a Legend of Zelda character. It’s definitely the ears. The long beard and green outfit doesn’t help either. Also, golden-haired boy. I miss him. (Aventurine, not Link.)

Bro her face is the definition of “don’t test me,” like how dare he even think the IPC will back off without gaining anything.

Makes me wonder if they’re using Aventurine’s near-death experience as leverage for Old Oti to take the deal with them, like they knew our dear gambler was gonna push himself to the edge, do something dramatic and come out unscathed due to his fabulous luck, so now they’re using the incident to gain some sort of compensation to sweeten their probability of succeeding in regaining some control back over Penacony. If so, then bravo. Can’t say it wasn’t well planned.

Thank you Aventurine for helping out your new fuh-riends.

For a moment I thought we were going to break the news to her about what happened to Gallagher but Siobhan seemed to already know, or at least get the idea that he was missing and wouldn’t return. And I don’t know why I noticed now, but her necklace seems to be painted onto her model instead of actually.. I don’t know, stand out as an accessory, compared to Jade’s or Serval’s or anyone else who has something hanging from their neck of some sort.

I adore smug Himeko.

As I said, I’m a shipper at heart and this conversation is making the little AvenPaz vibes I feel go nuts because yes entrusting someone else to look after something so valuable as your own cornerstone is huge and probably the idea that made me so fond of this pair in the first place. You can argue that Topaz only did so because it was part of the plan that Aventurine invited her to be a part of and she wanted to follow Jade’s example, and I agree wholeheartedly, but it still sets off a light bulb in my mind. We learn that this kind of job isn’t the kind Topaz usually goes for and surely there’s other Stonehearts that could’ve offered up their own cornerstone for the task, but it was still Topaz who was asked among the rest and she who still decided to participate, so it’s like the trust goes both ways, even if Topaz doesn’t wanna acknowledge it because I do remember how her voice sounded during this conversation and she also actively try change the subject from Aventurine back to the task at hand.

We learn later on how serious the deals people make with Jade are, so I’m scared to think of the kind of wager Robin had to give up to fulfill her wish, which I assume was to save Sunday because our idol certainly doesn’t look happy here.

She went from glare to smile so quick here that’s it’s scary. Definitely not a happy face that I’d trust.

Jade keeps saying that patience is one of her greatest strengths but we gotta add determination onto that list as well. Gotta love the confidence.

And using someone’s own words against them.. I love when that tends to happen as well.

I’m not entirely sure why, but I love whenever someone’s eyes are hidden during an intense conversation, whether it’s because we’re behind them, their hair is in the way or in this case, a giant hat. Eyes can showcase so much emotion so whenever they aren’t visible, your mind kinda has to envision the express they could be making based on their words and tone of voice alone. I don’t exactly remember how Jade sounded during this one line, but from the smile on her face you might think she’s acting smug by mentioning how much control the IPC has over everything..

And yet there’s that persistent glare on her face again showing that she’s willing to do anything to make this deal over Penacony, even if it means she has to play dirty.

Oh, shame on me for hearing the word “leash” and thinking about it in a sensual way.. but coming from a woman who sorta steps on you during her ult and uses a whip to attack, can you blame me? (Goes without saying, but I did very much enjoy the brief moment we switched to her POV. Just wish we could’ve entered a battle with her to test stuff out.)

It really is ridiculous how much power money has over people, huh? I get that everyone needs money to survive and that coincides with the idea of Preservation and keeping everyone safe, but extending their reach to so many places would be an impressive feat indeed. (And my mind is a little hazy about this, but Belobog was basically cut off from the rest of the universe for 700 years due to the stellaron, so did they even have credits back then? I know they have shields as their own currency but I don’t really remember if someone in game questioned why they still needed both forms of currency or to use one over the other. Maybe I’m making stuff up, I honestly have no clue anymore.) 

Now color me wonderfully impressed when Jade called for Topaz to bring in Himeko as the special guest. I suppose Jade did mention earlier that Topaz did manage to gain the Astral Express as an ally as a result from the Jarilo-VI case, but I didn’t think we’d team up so soon like this.

So this is the nice surprise mommy Himeko was being all hush about, becoming a member of the board of directors for this deal between The Family and IPC, as if she truly needs more money. She doesn’t though, clearly, and doesn’t want fame or fortune from all this either, just a promise that this tragedy won’t happen again. We truly love our faithful navigator.

I believe I’ll stop here for the moment. I believe the rest of the 2.3 will be another three parts of various lengths but this is probably the longest.

[insertmesoftly]

Had a dream that solidified it. I'm a moon/sundrop animatronic ho.

I was already sold on Moon especially. Cuz of the voice,

But then this dream comes...

And makes Sun more of that obnoxious little kid clinging to get your attention (as you're the security guard) and maybe even pushing some stuff that can be taken as romantic because he doesn't understand and just wants a way to stand out from the others in being your favorite and my heart went

Boom.

And like I'm OK then suddenly I black out and am thinking about how long and nice his fingers are or a scene where you're both in a cramped closet and he's wrapped all around you nervously.

Or cute stuff like he was nervous to get out of his Daycare area when he's not Moon because other animatronics like Roxy and Monty would bully him but he braves it after a day of you being too busy to go to his area like usual. He sneaks and finds you still trying to do some stupid task for someone else and clings to you, pouty but happy that you're atleast in the building, and stays by your side the rest of the night. After this he gets braver and no longer waits for you to come look for him, he just gets out, looks for you and clings. And he's gotten sassier too with the other animatronics. Like if Roxy is being too pushy, Sun picks you up, insults her, and runs away (cue looney tunes chase scene).

But really also, for Moon I got that you met Sun first. You'd continously visit him and keep the lights on for him. He started feeling like you were a good friend after a bit, and so you stayed a lil longer with him one night, but there was a storm and suddenly the power cut out. And Sun freaked, trying to tell you to run away.... but it's too late and he's the Moon. Moon tries his threatening routine, telling you that adults aren't welcome here and that it's time for you to sleep. You just keep brushing him off. "I'm being responsible and doing my job. I can't sleep until I get home." This was true. It makes Moon pause. But you go a lil further. "Looks like the whole building's power is out... could you please be a good boy and help me find the generators? It would be so helpful." And now he's stuck. He helps you and realizes you're not someone he needs to be wary of. So he'll let you be for now... when the lights are back on and Sun comes back, he's worried about what happened but you pat him on the back. "Moon sure was helpful. I like him. I'd like to see him again another time." Sun can hardly believe what he heard. "You- do?" So a few days later, you both sit down as you slowly turn off the lights to talk and get to know Moon some more. And he begins imprinting on you a bit too, making it so that in either version, he's always next to you as your helper. Though Sun is clingier and Moon prefers watching from behind.

[tartagluvr]

i think i'll regret this.

so you want to know what this fic is? funny story i dont fucking know ... i just started writing with one single line of dialogue in mind and then suddenly it was 5 am and not midnight anymore. if there are any errors...no there aren't

warnings: angsty as fuck. what is wrong with me. implied death, swearing, vague gore descriptions, God is like. evil AND a they/them user so if ur a christian maybe skip this one HAH

word count: 9.2k

brief synopsis before you begin, you are lucifer's lover (not a important plot point so replace the name with another demon if you wish!) and a low level demon has been given a task to capture you and bring you somewhere. to where? well, to God. and God is not like the stories you've heard.

-

life in the devildom was suspiciously good. as in, the kind of good where there just absolutely has to be a catch.

all seven demon brothers adored you. at this point in time, you shared a pact with each of them. they treated you as if you were real family, not just found family.

as did the lovely angels, simeon and luke. they both loved you to the ends of the world and back, especially luke. he really needed a mature and older person in his life that wasn't an angel. teach him how the world really works, all that beautiful coming of age stuff.

solomon was just, well, solomon. you two were very tight knit as friends, allies, humans trying to survive the devildom. he was only two or three years older than you, yet he treated you equally. your relationship was as close to being real brother and sister as it could be.

but alas, you had been on edge lately. something was coming. none of the demon brothers agreed or understood what you meant. the only explanation you could give is that, as a human from the human realm, you are taught from a very young age how to use your senses. your parents engrave safety and 'stranger danger' in you as a child, and solidify those ideals as you grow. humans are by nurture and nature trained to become afraid of everything they don't know.

when walking home from rad, you always had at least one of the brothers wait on you so you could walk home safely. and on one instance walking home with lucifer, you sensed the low level demon approaching before he did. not only did that shock lucifer, but it worried him. maybe you were being truthful when you spoke of how extreme humans senses to danger are.

nonetheless you made it home safe that day. and the next day, with mammon. and the next day, with satan. now it was thursday, and there was to be a rad council meeting. since it was a specific meeting to discuss how the humans are progressing in studies, you and solomon were to just go home. diavolo wanted to ask the brothers when you two were not present, which was understandable.

solomon had to leave school early regardless, so that just meant you were to walk home.

alone, that is.

lucifer was especially wary of this after the whole exchange he experienced with you knowing danger was present before he did. but diavolo managed to reassure him you were safe, that no one would dare to lay a finger on you. with or without the brothers by your side, everyone in the entire realm knew you were off limits, punishable by death.

some demons just aren't afraid of death, i guess.

you stood at the gated entrance to the house of lamentation, d.d.d in hand to text the group chat saying you were home safe.

to the brothers surprise though- whence they arrived home you were in fact not there. but your d.d.d was. and in that exact moment, lucifer felt even greater fear then when he fell.

immediately half of them are back at the lords castle, the other half at home searching and calling for you everywhere.

diavolo is of course distraught by this news, but keeps his cool. if he is to step up and announce your missing status with a grimm reward if found, someones going to end up turning him or herself in for the money.

but then a day goes by.

and there is simply no you.

diavolo widens the search, to essentially the entirety of the devildom. nearly every demon and succubi ever is out during day and night, searching for you. lucifer had even brought out cerberus at one point, having him sniff your items with all three heads. that strange mangle of a dog sure did adore you, so he could find you no matter where you had gone.

on day three...lets just say hope wasn't lost, but diminishing. there was only around a 5% chance you were still alive, considering humans are so fragile when it comes to food, water, pain tolerance.

and yes, of course everyone practically begged barbatos to look into the timeline and try to spot where you were now, but there was a large blank space from the time you texted the boys to the time they arrived home. someone had been very clean and meticulous in taking you, now it was just a race against time to catch them. and hopefully, bring you home alive.

meanwhile, as brothers and demons alike are tearing the city apart, your eyes blink open.

it is incredibly bright. it stings like when you sit in a dentists chair and accidentally look directly into the overhead light without glasses on.

"ah, you're awake my child. good afternoon."

someone is speaking. the words are hitting your ears but you are getting confused and disoriented more and more by the light.

a large, warm hand comes down over your eyes, and you go to fight the person but instead feel instant calm and peace upon their skin touching yours.

"i do apologize for this being how we first meet, but nonetheless i am pleasured to meet you mc."

"who...? who are you?"

finally, you can get the words out. this demon must be extremely powerful, with how quickly they calmed you with their magic.

"aha," the person laughs, frightening you for a second. "my apologies again, this time for reading your thoughts. it is a bad habit i need to break from- and i am not a demon."

mind reading. are we sure right now that barbatos isn't behind this that confusion aside, you ask for a name, making sure to sound polite. you've watched so much true crime, you know that you can definitely stockholm syndrome your way out of here if needed.

"my name? michael."

a soft 'ahhh' leaves your lips. "like the archangel."

michael does not respond. instead, he moves his hand from your face and moves you to be sitting up.

"darling, i am the archangel. again, pleased to meet you."

almost immediately you blink around in the brightness, sitting up farther. confusion scribbled across your features.

"why am i in heaven? did i die? i kind of always thought i was enough of a hardcore sinner to go to hell, you know."

you joke in the awkwardness and surprisingly the jokes land. michael laughs again, deep and rich. he walks from behind you, coming into full view now. he is beautiful, his tanned skin glowing and shining, his wings- his wings are the most beautiful pair you have ever seen besides lucifers.

"you are not dead, no. you are just on a little field trip at the moment."

it seems there really isn't a time right now where you don't look confused, because michael speaks again.

"you were summoned. by God themself, amen."

it takes every ounce of strength in your body to not start cursing out the literal archangel michael. why the hell did...GOD kidnap you? this must just be a really weird fever dream, you did feel a little sick when you had gotten back to the house-

wait. wait wait, you never made it inside. now you can remember it clear as day; you walked home alone, the boys all stayed for a meeting. you had a pleasant walk, enjoying the breeze. once at the gates you sent a quick group chat text that you were home. you can still clearly see the cheering emoji lucifer sent back, it being the first time he used an emoji in front of everyone to you. but then as you opened the tall gate, you stumbled. a wave of sickness overtook you, and you fell to your knees in pain. glancing down at your legs, you finally notice you are no longer in your school uniform and that your knees are bandaged. after you had fallen...you don't remember much else. but you were so sure you had gotten home that day. so what the hell happened to bring you to heaven?

"i don't think i understand, michael. why do they want me here? the demon brothers must be worried sick about me right now."

at this michael shows an expression you hadn't seen on him yet- annoyance. oh, yea. you had kind of forgotten the whole demon brothers were once angels blah blah. michael can be as petty as he wants, you have your mind set on going home.

"i think i should really go back home. i can just, reschedule. yea?" michael does not seem to like these words either.

"i wish this were under different circumstances, but i must keep you here. i apologize, yet again. they shall arrive soon."

soon? how soon is soon. you don't even know how long you've been here, but michael quickly interrupts your thoughts to tell you you've been here three days. you don't even process the number because all you can think is that he is invading your privacy after having just kidnapped you and expects you to be respectful. and just casually say hi to God.

it isn't long after, maybe only a few minutes, that michael tells you they are here. they, being God.

another overwhelming lapse of brightness covers you, almost burning your bare arms with its intensity.

"hello, my dear child. michael, i will take things from here."

without a word, michael is gone. he just...vanishes into the light.

"so why am i here? wait. is that impolite to ask you?"

the being's presence is overwhelming. they are tall, maybe even taller than beelzebub. their skin is lightly tanned, and their hair is tied back gracefully. somehow, their eyes seem to flash every eye color at differing angles.

"i have called upon you to ask a favor, child. one that only you can succeed at in all the realms."

"cool. thanks for thinking so highly of me, but i really do need to go soon. what is it i have to do?"

there is a pause. the silence is chilling, as God themself stares into your tired eyes.

"you must do what an angel cannot- devastate and destroy. but do not fear, you will be secured a place in heaven upon your passing in life. this will not be written off as a sin, i assure that to you. think of it as a favor, and ill return it when you pass."

man, everything in heaven is just so confusing. why can't anyone talk like a normal person. you shut off your brain quickly though- if michael can read minds whos to say God can't, and you really don't want to be on this being's bad side right now.

"can you explain that in a way i would understand?" a beat of silence. "...please? sorry, this is new to me." God does not laugh like michael had. they continue to bore holes through your eyes with their own before speaking again.

"you must tear those demon brothers apart. you must be the one to devastate them. only you, are capable of this."

"no, i'm so sorry your honor, i don't think i can actually do that. besides- they would kill me if i even tried. no can do, God."

they finally change expression- an annoyed look, akin to the one michael wore when you mentioned the brothers to him as well. you just want to leave already, this being could erase your entire existence without even lifting a finger. and you kinda are starting to like the whole 'existing' thing.

"i must be going, my child. if for any reason you are not to complete this task, i will have michael do it himself. though that is a last resort, and you are well capable of this. goodbye."

"wait what? wait God no i don't get it-"

and they are gone. yay. now you sit alone in the blank white scenery, not sure how you are supposed to leave. why couldn't literal God have told you where the exit was at least.

but as you unfold your legs and begin to step off the platform you were upon, you fall through. the white light surrounding you was not actual light, but a mere illusion made by the clouds. you should have realized- you had been to the angels realm once with simeon and luke, and it wasn't just blank colors. that place you are now free falling from must have been just a temporary place, keeping you hidden from the brothers. no wonder they hadn't found you yet- none of them would think to search that high.

falling fast and heavy, you try to adjust your eyes to the blurry surroundings around you. its slightly purple, and dark. so you conclude you must be falling into the devildom. is this what it felt like when..?

before you can finish that thought, somebody is yelling, and you are unconscious.

the next time you wake, you jolt up and search the room panicked. lucifer stands up from beside your bed, trying to calm you. it takes a little while for you to adjust and ground yourself that you aren't back in heaven having a chit chat with God.

"mc, where were you? were you hurt?"

the words take a bit to find you, but as you are about to speak you realize the gravity of the situation. you were just ordered by God, your beloved demon's father, to destroy them. and you can't exactly just tell them about that. so, for the first time ever, you lie right to lucifer's face.

"i don't know. what do you mean where was i? did something happen?" perfect execution, pretend to be confused and unaware. lucifer and satan at least should know what amnesia is, and they will write it off as that.

"your outfit, do you know anything about this?"

it was then you realized that even in that weird heaven chamber you hadn't noted what you were actually wearing. you were just aware it wasn't your rad uniform. looking down at it now, you didn't even bother faking confusion because it was real.

you were no longer wearing a grey skirt, but rather a pair of silk white shorts. your top half was no longer adorning that awful green button up and jacket, but rather a plain white tank top. seeing how pristine and clean you appeared, you wondered for a moment if they had done anything to you and that was the reason to redress. you almost go to run your hands along your back, feeling for any scars, but are abruptly reminded lucifer is right in front of you.

"i haven't seen clothes like this in the devildom before. of course i don't know all about fashion, asmodeus can probably trace this garment to somewhere. that isn't the issue here," he pauses and takes a deep breath, in and out. "what the hell happened?"

your eyes fill with tears before you can even try to push them away, and lucifer is immediately hugging you to his chest as you cry out. he may think you are stressed, confused, upset. but you mustn't tell him that you are crying because you are scared. terrified, even. God themself has given you a task you don't know how to complete, and ordered that if you wont then michael will step in. what does that mean? is michael going to hurt you?

you cry out against lucifer's warm chest, getting your tears all over his shirt. neither of you care. he is just so thankful to hold you again, and feel your heartbeat. when you can finally calm down, he pulls away and puts a hand to your face. his thumb wipes away stray tears, and his eyes just look so tired. you can assume you look worse for wear as well, but you have never seen the hard working demon so drained.

"can you bring satan in, please? and maybe asmodeus too?"

lucifer slowly rises, hand coming to sit atop your messy head of hair. "i will go get them, i promise on my life i will be quick. you won't even know i've left."

and boy was lucifer telling the truth, because he was only gone from your room for what seemed like ten seconds.

he reenters, satan and asmodeus shuffling inside after. then, the door is closed. satan looks incredibly frustrated, asmodeus like he's been crying for three straight days. you almost laugh to yourself before you finally understand God's words.

'if for any reason you are not to complete this task, i will have michael do it himself. though that is a last resort, and you are well capable of this. goodbye.'

before you can even register what satan is saying you are back to crying. hysterical this time- you finally understand. and now you know you really cannot do what God is asking of you.

my dear reader, the brothers have been a mess for five whole days because of your absence, and the two days where you did not wake.

beelzebub actually managed to lose weight from not eating. asmodeus hadn't washed his hair in five days. leviathan was having panic attacks every day. mammon went out and spent all his savings on private investigators, and people who could track you down. belphegor didn't leave his room for even a second the entire time. satan was lashing out at every demon he saw looking suspicious. and lucifer, well. lucifer cried. for nearly two days, whenever he would go back to his room for the night, he would sob.

God wanted you to destroy all seven brothers? well congratulations, now you know how.

lucifer is quick to have you back in his arms again, holding your head. it should be comforting but it only makes you cry harder knowing the brothers will probably suffer greatly if michael steps in and does the job. but you doing it, isn't an option either. at least, right now it feels like a nightmare.

satan and asmodeus say they can come back later, when you are more rested- you all but scream out for them to please stay. so they come and sit on the bed with you and lucifer.

"satan," you manage through cries. "can i ask you a weird favor please?" immediately he says he will do anything. "is there a way you can see if there is any magic on me? like if someone cast a spell on me, i don't know."

the three demons seem to sit up a bit straighter as you ask this. of course they are practically dying to know what happened, you asking such a big question just threw them off. they must be thinking that some extremely powerful demon who hides from everyone had taken you.

satan scoots closer, and asks if you can stand up. lucifer and asmodeus go to stand behind him, as you stand on your fuzzy rug. and then, he begins chanting something softly, all while circling your body. you can see trails of gold and white starting to wrap around your arms, your chest, your legs. as satan sees them, he gets louder. angrier, even. lucifer just looks pale, like he has become ill.

with his palms facing upwards, satan slowly moves his hands into the air in an attempt to pull the magic binding you off. he quickly stops when they don't budge, and you wince in pain. if looks could break spells just like that, you're sure satans death stare would be enough.

but alas, the magic binding you is something they cannot touch without hurting you. whoever has done this has practically engraved each word of the spell into your skin, and you may be at risk of actually dying if they try to remove it right now.

"asmodeus, please go get the others. and tell the boys at purgatory hall. all three of them, especially those damned angels."

his words are scary, filled with a rage you had never experienced from him before. satan lets go of his hold on the bindings, and watches as they slowly sink back into your skin.

"what was that?"

of course you understand. but you can't let them know that you do.

"i would like to discuss it with everyone here, i'm sorry my love. just wait a little bit longer." lucifer answers you before satan can, and they both usher you to sit back in bed. lucifer brings your head into his lap, as satan sits with a hand on your leg. you know they are trying to console you and keep you safe, but the pure rage coming off of their auras is almost choking you.

you are on the very verge of sleep when asmodeus comes back with everyone in tow. you sit up a little too quickly after seeing everyone, and wince at the pain in your head. lucifer is quick to bring your head back down, telling you to just rest. you can hug and greet everyone when you're feeling better.

"so boys, we have a very large problem."

lucifer's voice is stern, commanding. his sin is definitely controlling at least half of him right now.

"and by very large, i mean otherworldly, simeon. luke."

the angels move from by the door to come closer to the bed, and see you. simeon goes such a shade of white you think he might be the one needing to lay down right now. luke just tilts his head. "huh? why is mc wearing that garment?"

lucifer snaps back at the poor child with a "you know damn well, don't you?"

you are quick to shut down the possible fight though, knowing already luke and simeon have nothing to do with this. its just a matter of how long you can hide who is responsible.

"lucifer, he's a child. please don't accuse them of what ever i just went through."

he looks down at you for a second, stares into your eyes, and then sighs. he knows you are right, but there has to be an explanation for this and it is strange the angels wouldn't know of it.

"mc, would you mind standing up again? i need the others to see it as well, yes?" you nod from his lap, his arms reaching down to straighten your body out. and then, you are standing on the rug as satan begins circling you again.

the demons, angels, and the sorcerer watch in disbelief as once again the gold and white lines begin tracing your body, as if veins suddenly coming to the surface. satan stops for a moment, turns to solomon. he is holding the bindings in place, not too tight and not too loose to hurt you again.

"what do you know of this? because to me, it looks like an ancient binding spell made to capture the angels that turned on Them."

satan doesn't even need to say their name, everyone knows who he means. luke gasps, finally putting it all together in his little brain.

"i'm...not so sure. it does appear that way, yes, but only beings like archangels or Them can control it to this extent, let alone cast it. do we know where mc was?"

"see, thats the thing," lucifer begins, the rage bubbling up again. "mc doesn't remember a thing. and we tore apart the entire realm. does it not make sense they were taken to the celestial realm? and that is why we could not pinpoint them?"

you start to feel guilty for hiding all the actual truth, so you let just a tiny bit out. "actually," everyone turns to you, startled to hear you speak after so long. "i remember clouds. i thought it was a white room, but when i stepped to the floor- i fell."

solomon seems to know exactly what you are speaking of, as does simeon. they both move closer to your body, circling around it themselves while satan still holds the bindings up. its beginning to sting just a little, but you want to appear strong. you can't let them know anything actually relevant to your kidnapping.

"that to me sounds like a heaven chamber, something i've been summoned to multiple times before." simeon speaks gently, worry and concern written all over his features. "i'm of course no archangel, just plainly an angelic being. so while i cannot create one myself, i can be summoned to them if something is urgent and we have no time to meet in the celestial realm."

all of the boys seem to just be repeating everything simeon said to themselves. solomon reaches out a steady hand and traces one of the lines with his finger. "satan, let them go." in an instant satan drops the bindings, and looks to see if you are okay. you put up a smile on your face, but all the boys watch as the golden lines disappear, leaving red burns in their place.

"shit, damn it," satan curses to himself in frustration, and quickly attempts to put a healing spell over you. solomon is quick to cut him off yet again. "depending on how strong this seems to be attatched , if we are to add any more spells on top it will just soak them up like a sponge. it will steal the power, and we will be doing nothing but making it worse."

even with the forced smile across your face, everyone seems to see how afraid you truly are. so deciding its no longer worth it to act strong- you let yourself go. right as your body is about to hit the floor beelzebub is catching you in his arms, cradling your head as if a child.

"they feel really hot, mc, are you sick? why didn't you tell us?"

as beelzebub speaks all of the others come closer, lucifer crouching down to feel your forehead. he concludes you do in fact have a fever, and orders everyone out, except satan- who will be bringing back medicine and some food.

"how…" lucifer begins. "how did i let them get you…?" the usually prideful and stern demon has a look in his eyes you can only describe as deep worry.

"i'll be alright, i know i will be. this isn't the end of me, you do realize right? we can fix this!"

another smile forces its way onto your face, but your lover sees straight through it. he knows you are strong, he knows how tough of a fighter you are. but some battles just aren't in your favor, and you both have become aware of that now.

you lay with him, head on his chest and arm around you tracing shapes on your shoulder. satan comes in every now and then to either bring medicine, bring or take food, and talk quietly with lucifer. its funny, in a completely unfunny way, that this is the first time you've seen them talk for so long without fighting. maybe God was right, that you are the only one in all three realms with the power to make or destroy them.

but you would rather not think of that right now. so you fall asleep in your lovers arms, praying to anyone but God that you wake up alive the next morning.

<3 drink water checkpoint <3

lucifer paces back and forth in diavolos office.

you had been brought to the lord's castle to see if barbatos has any way of treating you, and diavolo was contacting sorcerers from all around the realms. he was nearly as frantic as lucifer in the race to get this thing off of you.

back in a private guest room, barbatos has tried at least four different ways to break the binds. but each time he tries, it only causes you pain.

"i am so sorry dear, i think i must try something that isn't magic related. just a moment," he turns his back to you, lifting a book into the air with a finger and turning pages with his head turning. its fascinating to watch such a powerful demon in action, but you must not forget the reason you are here. tired and hungry, you decide to start listing off your own ideas.

"barbatos, sir-" "no need for honorifics dear, i am but a servant to the lord." you would laugh if this situation was anything but what it is now. "what if...what if i died? no don't look at me like that, i mean," you pause for a second. "remember when you sent me into another timeline to deal with the belphegor issues? and i died, but since you had sent me me into another timeline i could continue life?" barbatos shows no sign of emotion, but does nod his head along to what you are saying.

"but the thing is, if we do that, i don't want the brothers to know. so if you think my plan isn't batshit crazy and i've lost it, we can't tell anyone. we will just simply do it."

barbatos is silent still. yet his eyes seem to be thinking, processing the idea and perhaps even playing it out in a timeline in his mind.

"the issue is, dear, if i were to send you into another timeline, you would have to kill that version of yourself and then just stay in that timeline. and as you know," he approaches the bedside you sit upon, "timelines always have something slightly different about them. you could be walking into one where a different brother is in belphegor's situation, or one where you reside at purgatory hall, or worse, one where the exchange student is not you."

you mull it over for a few seconds. "wait, thats easy then, we just have to not go into a timeline where the exchange student at the house of lamentation isn't me! this could actually work, right?"

the tall man seems like he really wants to tell you that this isn't a smart idea, but sees the determination and excitement on your face. you think you've found your own way out, and must be so incredibly proud of yourself. so barbatos agrees.

"that will be risky. i cannot go with you, but the barbatos in the timeline you will enter should be able to see this coming and help you."

"great! oh lord, i can't wait to be rid of these awful bindings. couldn't they have at least been a cooler color?"

and he laughs. he laughs so hard he is nearly in tears, and suddenly the lord and lucifer have come in the room.

"what happened?" diavolo asks, almost on the verge of being out of breath.

"this dear human is just, well, so unique. i have no doubt that with their personality and soul they will get through this."

the two other demons look relieved, and lucifer's eyes meet yours.

"i'm going to be okay." you say.

"i know." he replies.

barbatos does not speak. for he knows you are both lying.

and that fact becomes apparent to the others when you get dizzy suddenly, hands on the bed to stabilize yourself. your chest burns, it almost feels like what you imagine being stabbed to feel like.

lucifer is at your side now, as is diavolo, but you can't make out faces or voices. everything is on fire, and as you shut your eyes, a scream leaves your lips.

the bindings begin to race around you once again, this time brighter somehow. tighter, more intense.

and apologies dear reader, but you have just passed out in front of not only your lover but the lord of hell.

<3 drink water checkpoint <3

you are getting really tired of waking up somewhere new.

its been a week and two days since your spontaneous kidnapping by God (which- in hindsight, you can't help but laugh randomly when you remember and it scares the brothers).

sorcerers have come and gone, witches have come and gone, even luke and simeon have tried their hands at removing the celestial bindings. of course, nothing works, and you are becoming increasingly more and more aware that there is only one true out of this situation.

another day that you had been with barbatos, you both discussed the possibility that even if you entered a new timeline, that doesn't mean this won't happen a second time. when beings like angels and demons have their eyes set on something, they will never let it go until it is theirs.

and you were getting weaker and weaker as time ticked by, slowly becoming afraid that the bindings could kill you. simeon and luke reassured you many a time that no celestial being would ever cast a spell that resulted in death. you had almost slipped up a few times out of anger, biting your tongue to not tell them their beloved God was who did this, and it was with intent to harm.

nonetheless, bindings aside, you knew what you had to do. it was just a matter of when at this point. you needed to be alone, yet discreetly say goodbye to everyone beforehand. you needed an execution plan, but couldn't settle on one because the thought of it made you feel physically ill.

there was too much going on. all you ever wanted was a little bit of everything all of time- but having your wish granted has made you go back on that ideal.

so you settled into bed, in your lover's arms, mentally planning. you decided to start right now.

"i love you," soft words barely above a whisper. he was most likely asleep by now, so at least that saved you from the embarrassment of saying it outloud to him.

lucifer was however not asleep, and a single tear of anger left his eye as you, his fragile beloved human, slept peacefully in his arms.

the next morning was beelzebub's turn. you got up extremely early to cook breakfast- for everyone, but mostly beelzebub. you arranged all his favorite breakfast foods, from devil pancakes to poison apple donuts. he was so thankful he looked like he wanted to cry as he hugged you.

"i'm just so glad you're back, i think your home cooking reminded me how hard it was without you." a sniffle. "sorry, i didn't realize how much you mean to me."

you wanted to cry with him. you did not.

leviathans room was your next destination, considering you were on house arrest with him watching over you until they could get the bindings off and find the culprit.

"levi-chan! can we play games together today? i'll do your school work for you too if you want, i kind of miss being at rad."

leviathan just about broke for three seconds there. he looked as if he was simultaneously pale as a ghost and red as a devil chili. and sure, he stuttered through his words telling you he would love to game, and that you don't have to do his work if you don't want to, but he got there eventually.

so you hugged him gently with a genuine smile- just not a happy smile. this was a goodbye smile, and thanks to leviathan's love of only happy anime, he had no idea this smile existed.

you spent nearly the entire day doing his work, playing games, cleaning up a bit, watching animes. exactly how you wanted this day to be.

when the other boys returned from rad, you had been in the kitchen preparing dinner. after being with leviathan earlier you had akuzon ordered some groceries and asked solomon to sneak back to the human world to grab your favorite books.

books in hand, you skipped up to meet satan as he came through the front door.

"satan! i'm so glad you're back, i ordered these for you."

he froze up, confusion on his features.

"it's just a few of my favorite books from the human world, i've always wanted to gift you some."

satan still had not moved. he didn't even flinch when mammon came running in the door, hitting his shoulder. when it was only you and him standing at the door still, he turned to shut it, then grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the music room.

"mc."

"please don't say you won't take them. i know you don't like gifts without reciprocating but these are just because i wanted to."

"mc."

"hm?"

"why does this feel like a goodbye."

his words were finite. it was not a question, it was a statement. it was a fact.

"why would you think that? i've still got like, six more months here."

satan saw right through your words. you couldn't risk anyone finding out your plan, especially not satan. it would only anger him, and he would of course tell lucifer. so you now had to do some serious damage control.

"if you don't take them i'm giving them to solomon."

quickly the books were snatched from your arms, and you laughed. it was a real laugh for once in a while, and satan knew that. so he kept this strange gift giving thing to himself, and went off to his room.

now it was time to go find the wild one, mammon. it had taken you a really long time to decide what to do for him, and him not freak out or hate it.

originally the idea was grimm- your savings from working at the devil library were quite large. but that wasn't meaningful enough, not for you. yes it was tangible, but it was also spendable. you had to find something for mammon that he wouldn't dare to ever sell or spend.

"mammon? you in there?"

you knocked softly on his closed door. your other hand behind your back held a dark velvet box.

after some shuffling from inside, the door was opened to reveal mammon. his hair was damp, as if he were just showering. "oh sorry, i can come back later." you were mistaken to believe him to be busy, as he pulled you inside his room and closed the door.

"so? whatcha doin in my room?"

you smiled up at him. beaming, actually.

"i got you something, um. here." you pulled the box from behind your back, mammon going slightly red seeing it. but he still took the box, and opened it.

"it's a locket," "no shit dumbass." mammon cut you off, laughter erupting from your body. lord, you really haven't laughed so much in one day for so long. these boys really did give you infinite reasons to smile.

"open it." mammon sets the box down to hold the small gold chain in front of his eyes, opening the small gold heart. inside was a picture of you two, dancing at diavolo's ball. asmodeus had taken a picture because of how sweet you two looked, like highschool sweethearts dancing together. he hadn't posted the image anywhere- keeping it to give to you for a moment just like this.

"i...jeez. wow. thank you, aha," mammon closest the locket, holding it tight in his fist. you skip over to his bed and order him to sit on the edge. carefully, you take the locket from his hand and clasp it around his neck.

"now even in six months, when i'm back in the human realm, you'll have me still here with you."

like hell you wanted to cry. you wanted to break down and have your first ever protector hold you, telling you everything will be alright. but then he may realize as satan did, that this is significant of an earlier than planned goodbye.

mammon's hand comes up to hold the locket, twiddling it with his fingers and thumb.

"you know, i actually thought i lost you. a second time."

he lifts his head to meet your eyes, your lips parted in an 'o'.

"and there was nothin' i could do about it. i just had to sit and wait for you to come back. alive."

you sit down on one of his thighs, stretching your arms around him. he hums in contentment, and you sigh into his shoulder.

"as long as you have this necklace mammon, you will have me. please don't ever lose it, okay?"

mammon nods against your neck.

so you chat for a bit longer, but leave right before the tears are actually about to fully spill out. you still have two more demons to speak with before the day ends, so you head to asmodeus room.

unfortunately for you, asmodeus has gone out for a modeling job. you will just have to catch him tomorrow morning.

now you head towards the twins room, the door being slightly open. you still knock, and wait for a response.

"mc? whats up, you in pain or something?"

belphegors words bring a true smile to your face. he is referring to how for the past week if you were in too much pain, he would lull you to sleep with his magic.

"no, i actually just want a good ol nap with my favorite pillow."

now its the demons time to smile, he really was like a pillow in the shape of a demon. silently he scoots over to the side of his bed, laying an arm out dramatically for you. happily you jump onto the bed, and into his arms. he holds you like he wants to keep you locked away and safe for the rest of your life, which now is funny to you considering what his ideals on humans used to be.

"ah, this is exactly what i needed."

belphegor agrees, pulling you closer. his body is so warm, just the right temperature to keep you from waking up cold.

"thank you for this. for everything."

"even for killing you once?" belphegor jokes.

"yea, actually." his arms go stiff for a moment. "i was reborn with a new understanding of life, demons, of you. and i'm so thankful that i got a second chance at being your friend."

belphegor lay speechless now, soaking in your words as if water when dehydrated. he may never be able to speak it outloud, but he adores and loves you the same way he loves beelzebub. the same way he loved lilith.

belphegor would be a lost mess without you in his life. but you aren't aware of that.

you end up waking up at dinner time, beelzebub coming to get you and belphegor. you had been on prep for dinner, so after you prepped it all- beelzebub was to cook it and put the dishes together. his food was always so amazing, you couldn't wait.

after dinner ended peacefully, you retreated to your own room this time to grab the box you had prepared for asmodeus. it had skin care, hair masks, some cute little hair clips, and a special note from you- for his eyes only.

he had texted the group chat at dinner that he wouldn't be home for a while, the shoot was taking longer than expected. that he would eat on set and to not wait up for him. signed off with a 'beauty sleep is important! <3'

so you went to his room, placed the box down carefully on his bed, and returned to your own.

tomorrow's the day, you tell yourself. its time to face this head on.

<3 drink water checkpoint <3

in preparation for this day, you had been looking for tickets to a live ruri-chan idol concert for leviathan. everyone else but him would be gone from the house for school, so you really needed him to go somewhere as well. it took at least 48 hours to find the tickets and them not be over a million grimm each. but you secured a front row one, center stage. and it was to happen today, so leviathan was sure to go even if last minute. i mean come on, thats his absolute idol.

lucifer really didn't like the idea of you getting leviathan tickets somewhere when he is supposed to be the one watching you at home, but gave in when he realized you weren't going to relent.

so with all the boys gone at school, leviathan off to a three hour concert, you began.

starting with the front door, all the way around the house you placed locking spells. you hadn't just straight up offered to do leviathan's homework for fun, you were doing it to gain access to his professor. you were secretly emailing him, posing as leviathan. asking him about certain spells, how to cast them, all of it.

and sure enough, it paid off. you even tried throwing a chair at one door at the back of the house, the chair breaking to pieces against the door. and not even a scratch was left behind. with somewhat of a sadistic smile across your face, you moved to the next step.

it was time to make the potion. one that wasn't instantly lethal, but would make your pain tolerance so incredibly high that even if you were hit by a bus you would feel nothing.

two parts ginger, one part fae wing, one part bats blood. mixed in with a bit of slime, and spit of a dragon. that last one took you at least three days to track down and order inconspicuously damn it.

while it boiled inside the pot, you began to cast a spell over it. this would not only enhance it, but hell it would taste better this way.

smelling it off the pot, it seemed as if it were becoming ready. so you set the stove to simmer, and went to change. you wanted to be comfortable, so you put on some sweatpants you had stolen from mammon months ago (take that, a notorious thief getting thief'ed) and a plain black hoodie from back home. you had washed it with your own detergent, your favorite one from the human realm. it smelled amazing, and was soft as a cat. maybe satan will want this when you're done it. eh, maybe not. considering your idiotic and crazy plan.

now comfortable, you waltzed back to the kitchen and put on some oven mitts to carefully pour the potion into a glass without it burning your skin. after enough was poured, you tossed out the pot to make sure no one else gets contaminated.

"woooh," you sighed deeply. it was time.

you blew on the dark red liquid a few times over, before lifting it to taste. it wasn't extremely hot, just the right amount of warmth. "it will be like drinking a nice tea. okay," you wiggled your legs and free arm around to shake off the nerves that were unfortunately getting to you.

without giving yourself another moment to second guess, you drank it. it tasted lightly of the ginger, but mainly like a blackberry due to the spell you cast on it. you were going for strawberry but hey, blackberry is okay too.

once that was empty you coughed with a quick shake of your head, before disposing of the contaminated glass as well. now you would have about 5 minutes to kill time while you wait for it to fully take effect.

into the music room you went, glossing your fingers along all the records on the shelf. seeing one familiar to you- it was a favorite song from the human world, lucifer had it brought here just for you, immediately you chose to play it. careful as ever you place it onto the player, and set down the head.

and for the next four minutes, you have your last dance alone in the music room to apocalypse by cigarettes after sex.

time seems like its slowed, as if barbatos has done that thing where he freezes time. it feels magical, like you are the last person on earth and never have to worry about worldly struggles again.

after that slowly comes to an end, you head back to the kitchen. once there, you see what you want. beelzebubs meat knife. its comically large, but looks so small when the giant man is the one holding it. you look it over for a moment before just going to your room already. there was no reason to stall for any longer, that would only bring about regret and resentment at yourself. and you make sure to put the same locking spell on your own door after you enter, just to be safe.

to test the potion just once, your finger gently slides along the sharp tip. and at first, you think you haven't actually cut yourself, until you see a small drop of blood. so this potion, however strong it is, is definitely blocking all your pain receptors.

you can't feel a single thing.

"okay, okay. woooooh." you try to stop mulling it over for maybe the fourth time. this is the only way, you remind yourself. there is genuinely no other way except for me to die, either by my own hands or michaels.

the knife is pointed at the middle of your stomach.

the knife is pressing against your skin, yet all you feel is just that. slight pressure.

with one final deep breath, as you breath out the knife makes a home inside of you. i mean, that thing is truly comically large yet you have somehow plunged more than half the blade through yourself and still don't feel a thing. even once you pull it out, and collapse to the floor, you don't feel any of it.

you do feel something though- fear. your d.d.d is ringing.

with hands covered in red you frantically reach around for your d.d.d, finally snagging it off the top of your bed. the caller id says 'catboy'. satan is calling you. and you fear both your choices here- if you don't pick up, he will know something is wrong and everyone will rush home. if you do pick up, you aren't sure how easily you can convince him you're okay right now.

eh, fuck it. you spell bound every door including your own. you watch as the call ends.

satan was rightful to call you, even if his timing was awful. all day he had this weird, sinking feeling in his stomach. he had felt it ever since you have him the 'not a goodbye' gift. so when you didn't pick up, he shot up and looked over to belphegor, who woke up all the way at once when he saw the look in satans eyes. without excusing themselves, they began to run. run straight into solomon actually, who immediately joined them once he felt the energy. it took no more than thirty seconds for satan to have all the brothers, solomon, and simeon rounded up. satan purposefully stopped luke from coming along- knowing there were so many things that could've gone wrong. for the first time ever, satan was protecting luke. you would have been so proud.

if you weren't sitting against your bed in a pool of your own blood, that is. as you lay, and your found family all but teleports home, something finally begins to hurt. eyes barely staying open, you look to the side at your right arm. those damned golden and white lines are beginning to trace you again, but way slower this time. and for some reason, the spell and potion you had aren't stopping this kind of pain. it burns, it itches like an ant bite, it feels like needles puncturing you over and over and over again. your entire body is starting to be traced now, and the lines dare to dance upon your face.

you scream. guttural, ear piercing.

and the now nine boys at the front door hear it. but they are too far and you are too tired to hear their screaming.

one binding line decides to draw itself straight across your left eye, another awful scream leaving your lips as it glides. you now only can see out of your right eye- if you can manage to keep that eye open. you try to rationalize in your mind that this is the spell breaking, thinking about how this is an amplified version of how it felt when satan tried to remove them by force.

and as if today couldn't get any worse, you forgot about the damn windows. you only remember you should've locked them when you hear a loud crash and someone yelling your name.

"hmm," you laugh to yourself. "my room doesn't have windows, jokes on you."

there are now seven (leviathan literally left the concert for you) demons attempting to unbind your door, while two angels chant prayer and healing through the wall. solomon you can't hear, because he isn't speaking. he is focusing everything he knows and has into disintegrating that damned door, a spell he has been working on for at least two years.

and today it seems is the day his hard work pays off.

"mc, PLEASE mc, why?" lucifer is the first one by your side, his gloved hands pressing down firmly on your stomach to hold back on bleeding. you wish you could tell him why- wait. you stop thinking for a moment and tune everyone out. you're bound to die anyways, right? so there's no more harm in telling them.

"I met God," you hiccup.

the entire room goes quiet, spare for satan gathering up medical equipment from your bathroom.

"They said I have to destroy you. all of you. and that," you pause again, this time to sigh. "if i didnt do it myself, michael would do it."

simeon doesn't even look like he wants to protest. when your single eye meets his, he knows shamefully you are telling the truth.

"the only way to destroy you all at once would be through me, my life. and i am not going to sit here waiting for some crazy archangel to decide its my time. my life, MY choice."

no one dares to speak. what would they even say? how do you tell someone who was told to die by God that you're sorry? you don't.

satan comes into view and begins working around lucifer's hands, but when satan's hand brushes against one of the binds he jumps back in pain.

lucifer, concerned, tells satan to come press down on your stomach so he can feel. so the gloves come off, and he touches your bare skin. he does not have the same exact reaction, but he does recoil his now burnt hand in confusion.

"why did you hide this? we could've helped you."

no, no you couldn't. you want to speak but your lips are so dry. they feel so stiff. so you just continue to blink with your only working eye left.

satan finishes wrapping you up, pouring a healing potion over your arms where they are burning.

it doesn't hurt that he is pouring something on you, but it does hurt that the binds seem to grow tighter, shrink up as he does.

when you begin to cough up what smells like your homeade potion mixed with blood, lucifer does not hesitate you pick you up and run for the door. his brothers and everyone are yelling, asking where the hell he is going, but they follow regardless.

lucifer takes flight, his four beautifully dark wings gliding the two of you through the windy sky. he does not speak a single word, only holds you like its the end of the world.

and for you, perhaps it is.

you aren't aware of how long it takes to get to the castle, everything just becomes a giant blur. you know you are now inside diavolo's office, his entire desk cleared off before you are set down on it. satan makes lucifer roll you on your side so you do not choke on your own blood.

"what in great hell happened? is this the work of the binding spell?" diavolo is engraged. furious that his program is going to fail, but more so that you, one of the brightest friends in his life, are bleeding out on his office table.

no one seems to want to answer diavolo, so you cough hard a few times before trying to speak again.

"its kind of a long story, God-" you are cut off by lucifer, who tells you to not speak and make yourself more ill. he then decides to explain all that you have told him to diavolo.

and diavolo looks as if he wants to go kill God himself.

you cough again, determined to still speak. "no one could have stopped this." but lucifer silences you again. it feels reminiscent of being a young child, trying to talk to adults and them telling you that 'the adults are speaking, go play'.

they continue talking on and on and you just start tuning out. focusing on your breathing, the way your chest rises and falls. every few seconds you can blurrily see what looks like satan applying more pressure to your stomach, or speaking another healing enchantment.

you want to reach out your hand and grab lucifer's, but you can't seem to get your arm high enough. it just keeps falling back down. and once you start to see the red of your own body had stained his pale hands, you give it up. you're already about to destroy them, exactly as God wanted. you will add no more fuel to the fire.

speaking of God-

"damn it," the smallest mumble leaves your lips, and everyone turns to you in shock that you are still coherent somehow. it has just now in your most likely last moments dawned on you that God is sending you to the celestial realm, and probably won't let you fall to the devildom. and it is very clear you are no simeon, no luke.

"i think i'll regret this."

_

[ ahahaah ... thoughts? (and prayers damn) i want to write a part two about the reader being in the celestial realm, how that would be, and their eventual escape from heaven to go back to hell. if you liked this i totally will so let me know! <3 ]

[incorrect-yumary]

Uhm...

Some might say that I shouldn't take Kari seriously but in this ted talk I will...

'Cause I totally called it!!!

Told ya'll Mary had a crush on Sakura.

The girl fits the description and Mary's actions towards her throughout the manga really clue us in.

1. Wanting to prove herself to the older girl.

2. Blushing whenever Sakura shows her mature side.

3. Losing her control and getting angry towards Aoi on behalf of Sakura.

4. Supported Sakura all the way in stopping Aoi despite the risks.

And...

Mary, your crush is showing 🙄

But I'm loyal to YuMary so I'm going to be really honest.

This is just my opinion, okay?

I think that Mary is really attracted to people she can look up to. The big breasts part is true but not the most important.

Mary likes people she can respect because they are genuine and noble. It doesn't matter if what you believe in is very questionable or if you are weak, as long as you have honesty and honor, Mary can respect you.

I think what Tsuzura really meant is Mary likes people who are more "matured" than Mary and have big breasts. Because if it's literally just someone serious with big boobs then Itsuki better not let Mary meet Miroslava Honebami. 😅 (but I saw them met on Kari and Mary was speechless so

ㄟ(▔ ,▔)ㄏ)

What I'm trying to say is Mary has a thing for people who, in her standards, are naturally better than her/out of her league. If you read Kakegurui Futago then you'll see how Mary kept on insisting that Sakura is stronger than her, and even though Sakura admits that because of Mary she learned that she's actually weak, knowing Mary, I'm certain that this only solidified her belief that Sakura is someone she can look up to.

Now, where is Mary's other half in all of this?

Even from the start, the author already wanted to establish that Yumeko is not your typical oujo-sama chic, but despite that she's also true to being a kakegurui and firm in her belief in gambling.

We can see her being genuine here

Notice that Ryota here is on the verge of discovering what kind of person Yumeko really is. We will also find out that Yumeko is not like this towards Ryota alone but she is like this towards the people she thinks are worthy AND she is like this because of her love for gambling.

We can see her being noble here

The gambling that Yumeko loves is the one where everyone is at risk of losing, she loves the equality gambling gives. She wants all players to have a fighting chance. The shipper in me wants to focus on the part that Yumeko might be very pissed off at Yuriko here because she hurt Mary but knowing Yumeko, I am certain that even if it was not Mary who was there before her our main protag will still call Yuriko out because Yuriko's ways rob gambling of the fun that always excites Yumeko. This is how we know that Yumeko values honor.

Yumeko is effortlessly herself, at least that's what the author revealed to us so far, and most characters in Kakegurui didn't like her or were wary of her at the beginning because of this. But this is also something they envy about Yumeko and later appreciated. Because after getting to know her, they also gained the will to be more true to theirselves.

So...

Yumeko is serious/matured. CHECK.

Yumeko have big breasts. CHECK.

The conclusion is that our dear Mary LIKES Yumeko.

If you think about it, this really explains Mary's fixation on Yumeko.

[dear-mrs-otome]

As someone who can’t read Japanese, could you please spoil Faust’s route? I’m really curious!

I can, sorry this took me awhile to get all down!

I’ll give you a summary of Faust’s route below the cut, so for those zooming past BE WARNED. SPOILERS FOLLOW.

SPOILERS AHOY!

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HAVE THE WHOLE ROUTE SPOILED IN DETAIL???

I MEAN IT - A GIANT WALL OF TEXT EXISTS BEHIND THIS CUT, ALL SPOILERS…

Faust’s route begins as all of the ‘Act 2’ routes do - just as MC is attempting to return home after her month vacation in the past, the door to the Louvre appears to malfunction and she’s forced to remain in the 19th century until Comte can figure out what is going on.

Life carries on much as usual for her, as she tries to keep her spirits up, when one day in town she stumbles across a church on the edges, presided over by a kindly priest (Faust) who seems impressed by her generosity towards a poor woman he’s given medicine to whose son is suffering from a mysterious epidemic that’s begun circulating the city. One night she attends a party with Comte when a critter of some sort steals her hair ornament. Chasing after it, she winds up in a graveyard, where to her horror she sees a figure digging up a fresh grave. She tries to run, is caught by said figure (Faust), and bitten until she faints. (First CG)

She wakes up in the church from earlier and the kind priest who claims he was merely a Good Samaritan seems willing to help her get home. Soon though it comes to light that she is the woman staying with Comte, and Faust drops his ‘nice’ mask and reveals himself as a vampire - biting her once more to observe the effects and proclaiming he will abduct her to be his new guinea pig, curious about her as a person both from the future and who has been living with vampires.

Waking up in Vlad’s castle now, she meets the Terrible Trio and struggles to deal with her situation now - Faust feeds on her for the purposes of observation again, and she goes on a hunger strike briefly, defiant and unwilling to accept being captive. Only when Faust threatens the other residents of the mansion does she reluctantly settle down, and they butt heads over their wildly different philosophies on life - Faust’s mission to grant humans eternal life, her proclaiming God gives us only that which we can handle, and Faust’s disagreement.

To prove his point he begins bringing her to the church with him disguised as a nun, where she witnesses firsthand the cruelties of fate in ways her 21st century self had never encountered before - children orphaned senselessly, people coming for confession bearing the crushing weight of guilt over their own poverty and misfortune. She begins to realize how she may have been wrong, but she and Faust continue to disagree over their different viewpoints. MC still believes that hope is real and necessary, whereas Faust is a committed cynic.

She slowly comes to lose her fear of the other residents of the castle as well, as they are nothing but kind and welcoming to her, though she still is unsure of what to make of everything and remains defiant.

The arguments between her and Faust come to a head when the son of the woman MC met that very first day outside the church comes around, seeking Faust’s blessing to send him on to the next life and refusing the medicine and help offered him. Faust reacts harshly to the man’s willingness to quietly acquiesce to his fate, to MC’s horror, and when she asks him if he has nothing of hope left Faust assures her it’s long gone. When she spots Napoleon and Sebastian later, she dithers for a bit but eventually tries to call out to them, only to have Faust intercept. Still unsettled from their argument earlier, he reiterates to her that she belongs to him and bites her on the church altar, as if to prove that bad things happen to good people no matter what.

Things are strained between them after that, not helped by MC’s increasing suspicions that the strange rumors of ‘resurrections’ going on around the city in the wake of the disease are somehow Faust’s work - an accusation that clearly wounds Faust upon hearing. She meets a young university student, Alex, who desperately wants to be Faust’s assistant and is studying the epidemic. Days pass as they continue working at the church and the orphanage, until one day the disease strikes even there - and finding Faust’s medication is running out, over his protests and concerns MC volunteers to help him make more, the two of them working day and night together to develop and manufacture enough to save the children.

They’re successful, save for one girl Lina who is still very sick that they bring back to the castle to finish nursing to health. They succeed, but afterwards MC falls ill with the same sickness and collapses...only marginally coherent of a desperate Faust doing all he can to save her life. (2nd CG)

She has time and evidence to rethink some of her assumptions about Faust, realizing that despite his best efforts to crush whatever heart and kindness he has it remains. There’s more to him than just icy logic. And when she asks him about his past he finally tells her some of it - that he was abandoned as a baby, raised in an orphanage by a kindly nun, and that when she fell ill he sold himself into slavery to provide her with money for medicine. It made no difference in the long run though, the woman still died...and Faust remains the cynic when they discuss hope and happiness and how MC still clings to these things.

Rumors abound about Faust’s miraculous work stopping the epidemic at the orphanage, as things return mostly to ‘normal’ for them both, working at the church and such. They’re each grappling with changing feelings for each other, Faust suffering his first bout of bloodlust, when one morning Faust collapses in agony bleeding from his mouth horrifically, falling unconscious for days.

Everyone at the castle is fretting, Faust growing weaker and weaker, as Vlad explains his theory that Faust has altered the timeline too much by stopping the plague at the orphanage and the universe is attempting to set things to right again by erasing him from existence. He claims the same thing has happened to him before when he tries to change world events too drastically - the difference being that as a pureblood he can’t die. Faust, however, can. 

He proposes traveling back in time and attempting to nudge humans here and there, make tiny alterations to the timeline to achieve the same goal of saving the children without the backlash falling on Faust, and MC insists on going along - realizing now that she’s faced with his death, she can’t bear the thought of losing him.

Going through the door in the castle with Vlad, she ends up first back at the mansion shortly after her own disappearance (where she assures Comte she’s doing well, thereby explaining why the mansion wasn’t losing their minds this entire time) and recruiting Comte’s help fiddling with the timeline. Upon the next passage she’s ripped from Vlad and dumped far in the past - where she witnesses firsthand little Johann’s heart and faith breaking upon the death of his beloved mother-figure nun, and then the natural disaster that crushed a town he frequented as a young man. This was the moment that solidified for Faust his determination to fight against God and Fate with all he had, and kicked off his obsession with discovering eternal life. (3rd CG)

After one more timey-wimey meeting with the Past!Faust at the point when they were nursing little Lina, where she offers him some much-needed words of encouragement, MC finally finds herself in the recent-enough past to travel around Paris with Vlad and encourage people to be more aware of the spreading plague. She even urges Alex to be more wary, prompting him to start developing his own medication from notes he’d taken from Faust.

Back in the ‘proper’ time, their efforts seem to perhaps have paid off...they return to find Faust gone, and after searching frantically around the city they find the orphanage has been set aflame on the strength of rumors that the plague spread from there. (As if the universe has manufactured some new tragedy instead for it, she realizes) Faust had gone into the blaze to save the last child, but comes out horrifically burnt and near death.

They take him to the church, where things appear dire...but Faust admits to finally seeing hope and accepting this outcome, just glad that something good has come of it all. MC refuses to accept his death though, and after Faust nearly dies again she cuts herself and he eventually revives. After he recovers, Faust corners her into confessing her feelings for him and admitting his own in return, before they finally consummate their love.

MC returns to the mansion as she had promised Past!Comte she would, happy to see all her friends again. A few days pass before Faust and Charles come to collect her, setting off an amusing set of interactions between the Mansion Boys and the Dastardly Duo, but it culminates in a scene where Faust thanks Comte humbly for his assistance with the timelines and for his consideration of MC. The couple then has a late-night conversation at the church where they’re both working again about the future of their relationship.

In Faust’s dramatic end, he asks MC to accompany him as he returns back to the place of that town that was destroyed, Faust making peace with his feelings surrounding the situation and reiterating his love for MC and how she’s helped him to see hope - before he asks her to help him with a different sort of ‘eternal life’, AKA having babies with him.

In Faust’s romantic end, he explains a bit about what motivates him to take on the role of a priest, and then he takes MC back to the castle where he intends to make love to her - saying that he can’t ever lose her but can’t stomach the thought of anyone other than himself ever biting her so he will have to work all that much harder to achieve his dream of eternal life so that they can continue to thumb their noses at God and Fate for all time together.

------

Even long as this is I’m clearly glossing over things - it’s a very busy route! And it’s complicated by the time travel stuff, which thankfully doesn’t get TOO complicated. If anyone’s interested in hearing my thoughts on Faust himself I’m happy to share, just let me know...I think he’s a fascinating complex character that definitely won’t be for everyone, but I am happy he exists in the IkeVamp cast and glad for this route.

[anonquack]

| Take Care |

Alex Quackity x Reader, Oneshot!

Word Count: 3501

Warnings: None, a little bit angsty. This takes place in the past !! so technology is not necessarily available yk?

Summary: Being with Alex means sneaking out, it means risking getting caught, it means, lying to your parents.. but it's worth it in both of your eyes. After getting caught, you two must find a way to keep in touch and keep the relationship thriving.

You'd been staring out the window for what felt like hours now. Watching as the dark blues morphed into oranges and light blues. The idea of being able to see him soon kept you up the whole night. Last you'd seen him had been about 3 days ago, before he told you he'd be off at his grandparent's house, and wouldn't be back until the weekend.

That's why you watched the sunrise with such urgency. As soon as there was light outside, it meant he was back home. It meant seeing him again.

The bright light that slowly infiltrated your room brought a light sting to your eyes. Perhaps staying up late enough to see the sun rise wasn't the best idea, but there was no other way to calm your nerves.

As the sun found its place in the sky, and the sound of nearby roosters filled your ears, you couldn't help but feel tingles throughout your whole body. The clock was ticking, and it was ticking fast. You'd get to see him before you knew it.

Once you deemed it a reasonable time to be out of bed, you got up and headed to the kitchen in search of something to eat. Something to truly help get the day started.

The food you served yourself wasn't even properly enjoyed, far too focused on what you'd wear once you headed back up to your room. How you'd dress yourself in preparation for seeing him again after what felt like an eternity.

After breakfast and a quick look through your closet, you found yourself patting and dusting yourself off to ensure you looked presentable, pleasant to the eye. One look in the mirror and you deemed yourself ready to head out and towards where you and Alex usually met.

On your way to the front door, a loud voice demanded your attention, asking where you were off to in such a hurry. You excused yourself, telling them you were on your way to meet a friend. And yes, you'd eaten breakfast already. After a quick nod of approval, you were on your way out of the house.

-

You didn't think you'd ever speed walked somewhere as fast as you'd done just now. Urgency in each of your steps, eagerness pouring out of you with each exhale.

But the tree was empty. He was nowhere in sight. Perhaps you'd gotten here too fast, eagerness leading to you being too early. That made sense.

Taking a seat on the grass, you waited patiently to see if he'd show up. Of course he would. Meeting up at this tree had become your thing. If he ever needed to find you, he'd find you here. Vice versa.

It didn't take long before he appeared before you, in all his glory. Your eyes scanned him shamelessly. You'd missed the sight of him. And it had only been three days.

Clean slacks, suspenders resting nicely on top of his white button-up shirt. The three buttons left undone at the top allowed his collarbones to be on display, even if just a little. It also exposed his honey-like skin to the world. And his shoes, slightly dirty from the dirt path he'd taken to get to where you two found yourselves now.

Truly a sight to behold. You stood to your feet, smile growing instantly. He smiled back before you found yourself engulfed by his arms, head tucked neatly under his chin.

"How was the visit?" You finally asked after minutes of staying in the embrace. He began to tell you, later slipping into different conversation.

"I missed you." He mumbled into your hair, to which you responded by nuzzling your face into his chest.

He was leaning against the tree with you placed between his legs, back resting on his chest. His fingers moved slowly against your hair, and you worried sleep would finally catch up with you after staying up all night.

"How'd you manage to come out here?" He asked, sending a smile your way and breaking you out of the relaxing trance his fingers had left you in.

You couldn't help but smile back before shrugging slightly. "Just told them I had to meet with a friend."

"Lying to your parents, hm?" He raised an eyebrow, making a small 'tch' sound and shaking his head. "What if they find out?"

Your body visibly stiffened at that. "They won't, unless you tell them." You carefully positioned yourself so you were sitting facing him now. Perhaps your tone came out more serious than you'd intended, considering the conflicted look that now rested on his face.

"Why can't we just tell them we're together?" His tone was telling of how he felt. Exasperated, tired of hiding. You wanted to laugh at how insane the idea sounded, but his face told you it wouldn't be appropriate. He was serious.

"You know how they'll get." You stated softly, reaching for his hands and gently beginning to play with his fingers.

He bit the inside of his cheek, not moving his hand away, but clearly still upset.

You hated this as much as he did. Having to sneak around just to see him, lying to your parents about your whereabouts, it was all so tiresome. But it was necessary.

Your parents had freaked out at the idea of you two even being FRIENDS. You imagined they'd die of a heart attack or send you off if they ever found out.

Once you two had clearly understood that your parents weren't fond of it, he offered to meet at his place instead.

Turns out his parents weren't very fond of you either, and you never went back. It simply wasn't working out, but neither of you were willing to put an end to the relationship.

And that's how you ended up here. Lying to parents, meeting up at a tree, hands entangled and gentle whispers of the near future where you'd be able to be together, without any worries.

Even if seeing his pouty face broke your heart, you knew you couldn't tell your parents, or vice versa. It wouldn't end your problems, but rather create more. He didn't seem to understand that though, and it led to these conversations every single time.

"Soon." You stated firmly, hands moving to cup his face and leave a small kiss on his cheek. "I promise."

-

Although the reality that your relationship was forbidden hung over your heads daily, you both still tried to enjoy your time together as best as you could. And yes, that meant dates.

He'd come up with the idea of painting together, and you couldn't really refuse after seeing how proud of himself he was. He'd suggested you two meet by the tree with paint supplies and some extra cash for an ice cream cone or a snack after. It seemed perfect.

When the day came, you found yourself seated by him with your fresh canvas and the small containers of paint located beside you two, small brushes ready to do as your hand commanded.

The paintings had started off fairly well, him drawing what seemed like a street in town with people passing by and a pretty sky on display.

"Is that where we got our ice cream?" You asked curiously as you stared at his painting. It felt oddly familiar and warm. It amazed you how well his art was able to portray and give off such emotions.

He smiled and nodded. "That street is really pretty, so colorful." He explained, setting his brush down momentarily. "Plus, I have a lot of good memories there."

You smiled back, "Me too. It looks so pretty, Alex." You reached over to gently squish his cheek, which only made him let out a laugh before he began to question you about your own art.

After some time, both paintings were set aside to dry and you two were left with one blank canvas and an abundance of red paint. It'd been the least used in both of your creations.

You both looked at each other, and you instantly recognized that mischievous look in his eyes. "What‐?" You asked, to which he only smirked before pointing at the canvas.

"Well, we wouldn't want the canvas to go to waste.. right?" He received no response beside your wary stare. "How about we paint our hands red and put them on there? Wouldn't that be cute? We could add our little signatures on it as well."

The idea was extremely incriminating. Red paint. A canvas that had BOTH of your names on it? It was never a good idea. But he had his ways of getting others to say yes.

"If you're worried about getting caught, we can wash our hands really good to get it off. And one of us can hide the canvas in our rooms." He was so convincing, and he looked so so cute.

"Fine. But we can't wait around too long or else the paint will dry! So let's hurry." You finally responded, to which he let out a celebratory yell before coming closer and grabbing the red paint and pouring it onto his hand carefully. You did the same, and soon both of your hands were plastered onto the canvas.

It was cute, just like he'd said, and it was even cuter once he'd lazily written his name and yours under the handprints. You couldn't help but stare as he focused on adding a small little heart between the two handprints, his tongue sticking out in concentration.

Once he was done, he sat up properly and shot you a smile, to which you responded by impulsively pulling him in close for a kiss. He responded almost immediately, arms carefully wrapping around your waist as to not leave paint on your clothes. You'd done the same once you gently wrapped your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.

Every single date you two went on only solidified your feelings for him, and made them so much stronger. He was lovely, full of ideas, and so kind. He was perfect, but your parents would never see that. You pulled away from the kiss, only for him to pull you back in after letting you both breathe. No complaints from your part.

But definitely from your parents. You both heard a loud gasp, which had you pulling away from him within seconds. To your demise, your parents were both stood a few feet away with shock and disappointment plastered on their faces.

You both stumbled onto your feet, the words failing to leave your mouth as you tried to explain what they'd just witnessed. You felt lightheaded. How was any of this real?

"You know, the neighbor told me you'd been snooping around with a nobody, but I never took them seriously. I trusted you knew better." They spat angrily.

It suddenly made sense. The stares from the neighbor everytime you left the house and sneakily made your way to the tree. Or when he'd 'carefully' come drop you off at your house after being out all day, hidden by the night sky. Or so you two thought.

You felt numb, unable to create any sort of excuse as to why you were with him. Saying you two were friends wouldn't work, considering they'd walked in on you two kissing. And the canvas that lay between you two with handprints, signatures and hearts. There was no fixing this.

"We were going to tell you, but we knew you wouldn't approve." You finally mustered up, voice trembling in fear of the consequences. Alex was frozen in shock as well beside you.

"You've completely lost my trust." One of them said, shaking their head before looking directly at you, as if giving him a single glance would kill them. "I don't want you near this young man again, do you hear me?"

He looked hurt, but most of all he looked angry. Angry that they wouldn't just let you two be. Who were you hurting by being together?

"Not as long as they live under my roof. Now let's go." They stated just as firmly, a strong grip on your wrist and pulling you towards home, daring him and you to deceive either of them. You two were fighting a losing battle.

"They have every right to make their own decisions." He tried to state firmly, but the slight tremble in his voice was too noticeable.

"Wait. At least let me say goodbye." You pleaded, knowing they wouldn't hesitate to send you away as soon as you got home.

They let go of your wrist and you made your way over to him. You couldn't help it as the tears began to well up in your eyes. This was exactly what you feared, and it had come true.

"I guess we got caught.. red-handed." He stated after a moment of silence. His comment took you by surprise, and you couldn't help but laugh at his ability to crack a joke no matter the situation.

The tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes became more noticeable the closer you got, frown etched onto his beautiful face. Unacceptable, really.

Your eyes fell down to both of your hands that had red splotches all over them, along with the accidental red drops all over some of your clothing. "I guess we did." You finally responded. Red hand reaching for his. "I love you so much, okay? This isn't the last you're seeing of me."

"I wouldn't allow that anyway. I'm not giving up on you." He whispered back, knowing there was curious ears nearby. It was a promise neither of you would break.

Even if you were getting pulled away after too long of a goodbye. Even if the canvases were left forgotten on the grass to dry. Even if it was prohibited.

No matter what.

-

It had gone just as you thought. You were prohibited of meeting with him, and stripped from multiple other privileges. It made no sense why they cared so much, but they did.

A promise was a promise though, and you'd managed to sneak out a few times to see him during the first few months. Each second of the meeting was bittersweet, a reminder that the moment would end sooner than later constantly there. On edge of who was nearby or if anyone had spotted you two. Horrible.

After a few of those, they'd gotten stricter, and it was harder to leave the house. It led to you resorting to writing letters. It was the only other form of communication. The house phone was an absolute no, far too risky. So you often found yourself in your room, writing letters to him about missing him and how it didn't feel the same without him around.

Everytime the mail came, you were the first to receive it. Looking for any letters from him. Taking it before any curious eyes could notice your eagerness to check the mail.

Your days were spent in bed, reading and re-reading the letters he had sent. Waiting for the next to come in the mail. It made you yearn for his company, his touch, him. The days passed with only letters from him and your own memory to remind you what he was like.

It was painful being away from him, and you couldn't really remember exactly how long it'd been since you last saw him, but one thing kept you sane. Kept you from losing faith of seeing him again. It was the promise you two had made the night your parents found out.

He wasn't going to give up on you, and you surely wouldn't give up on him either. Even if it'd been months since you last saw him. Many repetitive months of writing letters, busting missions just to get to them before your parents did, and spending your time daydreaming about him.

It would all work out in the end. It had to. You'd both make it work.

No matter what.

-

You really didn't know how long it'd been at this point, since you'd last seen him. But you knew exactly when the letters stopped coming.

It'd been exactly 6 weeks and 4 days since the last letter of his came in the mail. You'd sent one back not too long after, but he hadn't returned one to this day. Usually his letters came 3 days later, the latest.

You couldn't help it whenever your mind wandered to the possibilities of why the letters stopped coming. Every sick idea that entered your mind seemed possible. It'd been far too long since you'd last seen him.

You had no way of knowing if he was healthy and thriving, if he'd gotten sick recently, or if his parents had found out about the letters. Even worse, if he had moved on by now.

It made you sick to your stomach just thinking of it all. Had you done something to upset him? Maybe you were bitching too much in your letters and he'd grown tired of you. Maybe the tone of your words were far too longing for him.

You had no way of knowing. No way of confirming your thoughts.

No matter how many weeks passed, you desperately clung onto the hope that a letter would come. Surely, eventually, and it would explain his absence. It would come if you believed hard enough.

But 6 weeks became 10, and then it became 15. 15 weeks without him, without any response. No knowledge of his whereabouts or well-being.

"What about the promise we made each other?" Is something you'd asked yourself frequently over the last 15 weeks, but no answer. At least not one you wanted to hear or even acknowledge.

You sat at your desk now, fresh sheet of paper ready next to your pen. You couldn't keep living like this. In suspense and longing.

The guilt was eating at you as you wrote 'Dear Alex,' onto the page, but the reminder that he was the one that hadn't written back helped ease the growing pain in your chest.

He hadn't kept his promise. He'd broken it after 15 weeks of not responding. You'd waited around for so long, but who knows if he'd moved on and left you behind, or whatever else could've happened.

Your hand froze, gently biting at the inside of your cheek, too scared to truly put an end to this. But it was necessary. It's what you needed in order to be able to breathe properly again, to sleep well at night, to stop the ache in your chest.

The times you'd been out in town with your parents, there was no sight of him. You'd visited the tree a few times since the last letter came in, and nothing.

You had to let him go, just as he had let you go.

'I don't know what happened to cause you to stop writing to me, but I've had enough time to speculate and overthink the answer to that.'

You paused. If this would be the last letter you wrote to him, you didn't want it to sound so bitter. You still loved him, and he was your first love. You could never truly hate him. But you had to let go. How to convey that in a single letter?

'I can only hope that you're holding up alright. I've missed you dearly since the last letter you wrote to me, and I hope you know that I truly do love you. Far too much for my heart to handle.'

'Which is why this is the last letter I'll be sending you. For my wellbeing, for my mental health. I can't sit here and worry for you every single day. I tried waiting around for you, but it seems you've given up on me before I could even think of giving up on you.'

'I will keep the memories we made in my heart and mind always, and I hope your memory of me is fond, and that you loved me as much as I loved you.'

'Thank you so much for making these the most wonderful years of my life. I'll forever remember you fondly. I wish you the best in life and in health.'

You paused. Was this enough? You didn't want to overwhelm him, if he even did end up reading your letter. One last look through the letter and you let out a small sigh. This was it. You just had to sign it, package it nicely into its envelope, and send it off to him.

In hopes that he'd receive it, read it, and that it would bring peace to your heart. Even if it meant not knowing of him anymore. You could only hope.

You wiped your eyes, a small smile on your face, a hushed "Thank you" escaping your lips as you finally signed near the end of the page,

'Take Care' .

[aceinspace691]

Giant Dream is Scared of Humans Sapnap and George

Hey! This is a little story thing based on this post by @giant-tiny-squid! 

I thought that it was a super interesting concept and I wrote a little more than I probably should have haha! Anyway here it is!

Warnings for: fear and swearing (I think that this is it, but please let me know if I missed anything!

Word count  ~1700 words

When Sapnap and George had set out to visit the Badlands on the other side of the forest, it had been a nice and sunny day. They’d been laughing and cutting up with each other, banter passing easily as they walked along the forest. Sunlight danced through the leaves and provided a pleasant atmosphere as they travelled. But about a fourth of the way through the forest, they could see dark storm clouds gathering in the sky at an alarming pace. They decided to pick up their own pace as well, hoping they would make it through the forest or that the rain would simply pass them so they could make it through the forest safely. Like most things regarding these two, it didn’t go their way. “Holy shit!” George let out a startled exclamation as boom reverberated to the forest, loud and quick to follow the flash that preceded it. Sapnap let out a sharp laugh, nudging George’s shoulder. The armor they wore made a clinking sound as it connected. “Awwww, is Georgie scared of a little thunder?” “Shut up,” George’s cheeks turned a bit red as he shouldered Sapnap back, “let’s just keep moving and try to find some shelter.” A few moments later, it started to pour down heavy rain, and they were soaked. The both of them room out their weapons as mobs began to spawn, George with a sword and Sapnap with an axe. It wasn’t long before they spotted a cave ahead and made their way to it, trying to shake off the water that dripped from them. “That was crazy! That came out of nowhere, like, holy muffins.” “You’re starting to sound like Bad.” Sapnap chuckled, playfully rolling his eyes. “And seriously? You wanna talk about the weather of all things?” “What else would we even talk about? This dark cave?” George retorted. “Well, if you want to talk about the weather, I guess I could just make fun of you for your fear of thunder.” “What? No, it just caught me off guard.” “Sure,” Sapnap dragged it out with a smirk, not noticing how George went stiff. “I mean, seriously—“ “Sapnap, I—“ “No George, seriously, thunder? I mean I get if it was—“ “Sap—“ “Why do you keep trying to interrupt me? You know—“ “SAPNAP!” His voice echoed around the cave and Sapnap fell silent, finally following George’s gaze further into the cave. Right where they could see the silhouette of a giant. They couldn’t see much, just barely able to make out that it was likely male. Their attention was taken up by what little of him they could make out. But even then, they couldn’t see much other than a white smiling mask that covered a good bit of his face. There was a beat where no one moved, simply staring at each other, everyone in the cave tense. Anxiety pooled in the humans’ guts, intimidated by the being that could easily overpower the two hunters. And then lightning flashed, and oh. Oh. He was massive. And he was moving. As soon as there was any sign of movement from the giant, the humans let out a startled shout, Sapnap moved protectively in front of George, raising his axe defensively. But to their shock, the giant had moved further away from them. Not that there was much further he could go anyway from them; the cave itself wasn’t insanely large to begin with. The humans were stock-still, feeling confused as hell. Wasn’t the giant upset that they were in his cave, or whatever? Instead, as they examined the massive being not too far across the cave from them, George was first to notice how wide the green eye, which was just barely visible to them behind that smiling mask, was. The giant was... scared? But why, he was so much bigger and could easily defeat anything, so why...? Another flash of lightning was followed by a crash of thunder, which was then followed by a whine from the giant. George’s eyes softened. He must be scared of thunder. “Hey it’s okay, big guy.” He ignored the warning that Sapnap hissed under his breath as he stepped closer to the giant. His heart ached as the giant pressed himself further against the wall. “Thunder can be a bit scary sometimes. I know.” Sapnap, while George had though that the giant was scared of thunder, had connected the dots a bit better. He’d seen the way the giant eyed them and their weapons. And now that the giant was shying away from George of all people only further solidified that for him. Sapnap took a hesitant step forward to test his theory, the giant’s eyes snapping over to him at the movement. “Are you...” he licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry.  “Are you scared of us?” He was met with a whimper from the giant, and Sapnap shifted his grip on the axe as the giant moved slightly. “Don’t hurt me.” The giant pleaded, green eye wide and watery with fear. Fear of the humans. “Please leave.” Now, both humans were utterly confused, especially George. However, their thought processes were a bit different on the situation. George wanted to immediately reassure the giant that they weren’t going to hurt him and was hoping he could convince him to let them stay. He himself was wary of being there with the giant, but it didn’t seem like he meant them any harm. Besides, there wasn’t really anywhere they could go. With the storm and mobs outside, it wouldn’t be a smart move to leave the cave. Sapnap, on the other hand, was thinking about how they could use the giant’s fear to their advantage. They could have a guard for the night, maybe longer. And that would mean that George would be safe. Unfortunately for the giant, Sapnap spoke first. “We won’t.” He told the giant, watching closely as the being seemed to relax a bit. “If,” and just like that he was tense again “you let us stay here tonight and keep us safe. And take off the mask.” “I—uh. Yeah, for sure, uh, deal, deal.” The giant was quick to agree, licking his lips as the slipped the mask off of his face. This, he hesitated with quite a bit, but he seemed to accept defeat as he removed it, revealing a lightly freckled face with a few scars. “Sapnap,” George hiss under his breath, “what are you doing?” “Just trust me.” He returned with a small smirk, looking back up to the giant and clearing his throat. His voice was louder as he addressed the giant again. “Tell us about yourself.” “I, uh, of course!” And just like that, desperate words began to spill out of his mouth. “I’m Dream. There’s not much to say about me, really. I just live out here. Well, not here here, but, uh I got caught out in the storm. That’s about it.” Dream was met with silence and chewed on his lip anxiously. He continued to ramble on, breathing picking up a bit as one of the humans shifted closer. The one with the sword, his mind helpfully informed him. “A-and I’m alone now and I won’t bother you if you leave or just let me leave and-and I haven’t hurt anyone, I swear, and so you don’t need to kill me. Or tell anyone about me. Or-or send anyone to hunt me down, just please.” This eyes were wide, and earnest, and damn his face was just so expressive. It made guilt worm it’s way into the humans’ hearts. “Woah, hey, nobody’s hurting or killing anyone.” Dream’s eyes snapped to the one with the sword. The one with the accent. “Why would you think that? Is that why you’re...afraid of us?” George looked up at the giant with big eyes, following the giants a panicked gaze to his sword and then to Sapnap’s axe. Realization finally clicked and he tucked it away, urging Sapnap to do the same. “Wha—George!” He whined. “Sapnap,” George warned. “But, I really think that—“ “Sappitus. Nappitus.” He was met with a groan before the other finally out his axe away, raising his hands and walking a bit further away to sit on a rock, murmuring under his breath. “Don’t worry about him,” George offered a small smile up at the giant, heart warming a bit at the tentative smile he got in return. “He’s just really protective of his friends. But you’re not going to hurt us. Are you?” Dream quickly shook his head. “No, and, uh, if you let me leave—“ “No.” George backtracked at the look on the giant’s face, and he shivered as a gust of wind blew into the cave and chilled his still-soaked body. “No, no, I just mean that we should all stay. You were here first, but me and Sap wont be safe if we leave either. Maybe we can work something out? I’m George, by the way.” He ignored the way his heart hammered as Dream hesitantly leaned closer, or tried to anyway. He still took an instinctive step back, and he could see something akin to recognition flashed in those big green eyes. “You’re scared of me too.” Dream breathed, the warmth washing over George. It took everything in him not to back away from the giant more as the breath gently ruffled his hair. He gave a slow nod, waiting for the giant’s reaction.

Would he realize that he could simply get rid of them? But... no, Dream just offered a small smile to the human and a soft, considering hum. “Uh, obviously.” Sapnap had stood up from where he was sitting, watching the scene carefully. “You’re kind of huge, dude. That’s why I didn’t want to put my axe away.” The three of them dissolved into a conversation, hesitantly at first and then getting a bit more comfortable as they worked out the details of their time in the cave. They came to the decision that they’d all stay for the night and then part ways, and they’d light a fire to warm up the drenched humans. “Wait, wait,” Dream was saying, choking back laughter as he shifted a bit closer to the humans by the fire. They were comfortable enough around each other now, but he still moved slowly, cautiously. “You guys were bashing me for being afraid of humans, who could kill me if they tried, but Georgie here is scared of thunder?” “Exactly!” Sapnap’s grin was wide as he laughed. “And he wonders why I teased him for it.” “Shut up!” George groaned, rolling his eyes. “I’m not scared of thunder. And even if I was, like, it’s loud and lightning can hit you.” The three bickered for a bit before they fell asleep. And if the humans came back after the storm had cleared? Well, no one needed to know that, did they?

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And there it is! let me know what y’all thought, and feel free to send my asks if you want! my box is open :D