#i was trapped in the hatred and your life seemed so awesome i never thought for a second my voice was in your head

[sneakycauliflowers]

rip lila and lenù you would have loved The girl, so confusing version with Lorde

[shisogelee]

you always say let's go out but then i'd cancel last minute i was so lost in my head and scared to be in your pictures 'cause in the last couple years i've been at war in my body i tried to starve myself thinner and then i gained all the weight back i was trapped in the hatred and your life seemed so awesome i never thought for a second my voice was in your head

[lonesomedotmp3]

well honestly I was speechless when I woke up to your voicemail you told me how you'd been feeling let's work it out on the remix you'd always say let's go out but then I'd cancel last minute I was so lost in my head and scared to be in your pictures cause for the last couple years I've been at war in my body I tried to starve myself thinner and then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in the hatred and your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second my voice was in your head girl you walk like a bitch when I was ten someone said that and it's just self-defence until you're building a weapon she believed my projection and now I totally get it forgot that inside the icon there's still a young girl from essex people say we're alike they say we've got the same hair it's you and me on the coin the industry loves to spend and when we put this to bed the internet will go crazy I'm glad I know how you feel cuz I ride for you charli. GIRL!!!!

[miffyisms]

⋆࿐໋˖𓍢ִִ໋ charlie xcx - brat , ♡

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i'd go back in time to when i wasn't insecure.

wondering 'bout whether i think i deserve commercial success.

i'm just living that life.

i never thought for a second my voice was in your head.

no style, i can't relate.

i'm so scared i'm missing out on something.

people say we're alike.

it's running through my mind.

i watched you dance online.

you told me how you'd been feeling.

think she already knows that you're obsessed.

you've been disrespectful.

i just laughed when the bodies went splat.

put the camera flash on.

always gonna lose to people playin' safer.

you say she's problematic and the way you say it's so fanatic.

you wanna put 'em in your mouth.

are you thinking 'bout me?

l've been getting nervous.

now they both know these things that i don't.

i don't know what's going on.

well, honestly, i was speechless when i woke up to your voice note.

do that little dance, without it you'd be nameless.

guess how much money i just took from this deal.

'cause i ride for you.

four generations make up a family.

i think we're totally different, but opposites do attract.

i hope they break up quick.

got my finger on the detonator.

now i really wish i'd stayed.

but i can't help but get so angry you don't listen.

guess i'm a mess and play the role.

already know what you've got goin' on down there.

you know i ride for you too.

i was trapped in a hatred and your life seemed so awesome.

we had a conversation on the way home.

nowadays i only eat at the good restaurants.

she believed my projection and now i totally get it.

meet me in the bathroom if you're bumping that.

i've been looking at you so long now i only see me.

maybe you should run right back to her.

i think you're getting closer.

i've been lookin' at you.

your star burns so bright.

now i'm all up in my head replaying all my worst regrets.

wish i'd tried to pull you closer.

i don't fucking care what you think.

the ones i picked out for you in tokyo.

guilty feelings leave me fractured.

you're all in danger.

i feel all these feelings i can't control.

i don't wanna feel fearless.

i'm your number one.

used to sit in my bedroom putting polish on my toes.

are you obsessed with me?

legacy is undebated.

i wear these clothes as disguise

it's so confusing sometimes.

i was so lost in my head and scared to be in the pictures.

i think about it all the time, that i might run out of time.

wanna turn back time to a different time.

shall we do a little key?

they say we've got the same hair.

i was petrified.

this one's for all my bad girls.

push my hair back.

you're all about writing poems.

what i find is kind of scary.

it's okay to just admit that you're jealous of me.

i don't know if i belong here anymore.

don't sleep, don't eat, just do it on repeat.

maybe we're so meant to be.

when you're surrounded by friends, i'm just wondering what they know.

but honestly i'm always thinking 'bout my weight.

talk to me in spanish.

talk right in my ear.

once you talk to me, i'll talk to you.

let's work it out on the remix.

who cares?

now i'm on the news with the dui stare.

maybe just a little bit.

she's in her mid 20s, real intelligent.

i think i know how you feel.

i wanna be blinded by the lights.

when i was ten, someone said that.

i was walking around in stockholm, seriously thinking 'bout my future for the first time.

who the fuck are you?

you hate the fact she's new york city's darling.

i set the tone, it's my design, and it's stuck in your mind.

i saw them when you sat down, they were peekin' out.

no, i'll never go home.

would it give my life a new purpose?

most of the time i'm out my mind.

put your hands up.

i'm feeling like i'm on fire.

i wish you'd talk.

i went to my friend's place and i met their baby for the first time.

think you already know her but you don't.

i talk to myself in the mirror.

used to burn cds full of songs i didn't know.

you won't fuck 'less he's famous.

i swear i'd be so nice.

took a long time breaking myself down, building myself up.

you wanna guess if i'm serious about this song.

why do i wanna buy a gun?

i guess the apple don't fall far from the tree.

my career feels so small in the existential scheme of it all.

i'm kind of thinking you are.

lookin' like an icon.

it's 4 am and she's out there with a razor sharp tongue stuck to skinny cigarettes.

why did i push you away?

it's that lacy black pair with the little bows.

recently, i've been thinking 'bout a way simpler time.

this one's for all my mean girls.

that's what i'm talking about.

one day i might.

i don't wanna share the space.

hi, it's me.

can i fit it?

used to live just for the party.

i'm opposite, i'm on the other side.

i'll always be the one.

you walk like a bitch.

never get invited 'cause i'm such a hater.

wear 'em.

i don't wanna fall right back to us.

i was scared sometimes.

play the track fast, not slow.

should i stop my birth control?

i was too scared.

would it make me miss all my freedom?

it's 2 am and she's out there.

dial 999, it's a good time.

wish you'd just talk to me.

i know your little secret.

sometimes i just wanna rewind.

just you and me.

you wanna guess the address of the party i'm at.

it's obvious, i'm your number one.

everything is romantic.

is it showing off my brand new lower back tattoo?

she's kinda fucked up but she's still in vogue.

we've been talking for months, but never in the same room.

there's no one i wanna thank out there.

i look perfect for the background.

yeah, i don't know if you like me.

i used to never feel embarrassed.

i couldn't even be her if i tried.

i shot myself, i'm born to lose.

i'm so apprehensive now.

can't tell if you wanna see me falling over and failing.

i snag my tights out on the lawn chair.

how do you feel being a girl?

you're obsessing, just confess it.

now i wanna approach ya.

i knew i'd end up with my hands behind my back.

i'm embarrassed to have it but need the sympathy.

for all my tear his shit apart girls.

i might say something stupid.

we've been keeping this a secret.

i get money, you get mad because the bank's shut.

you wanna turn this shit out.

when i'm on stage sometimes i lie.

i'm glad i know how you feel.

man, i don't know, i'm just a girl.

i'm your favorite reference, baby.

crazy girl shit, gonna go spring breakers.

they're exactly the same but they're different now.

talk to me in french.

i know there's lots of different nuances to you and to me.

think you should come to my party.

i don't know if it's honest.

why i can't even grit my teeth and lie.

when you're in the mirror, do you like what you see?

wanna go real wild when i'm bumping that.

why do i wanna shoot myself?

i finally met my baby.

i followed you to the bathroom.

i'm a brat when i'm bumping that.

put your hands up and dance.

try it, bite it.

you pushed me hard, made me focus.

i wanna know where you go when you're feeling alone.

you can't tell what you're feeling.

i hate these doubts that keep running through my mind.

you'd always say, "let's go out," but then i'd cancel last minute.

all this sympathy is just a knife.

wanna guess the password to my google drive?

would you like this one?

sometimes it feels a bit awkward 'cause we don't have much in common.

no, i'd never misbehave.

i know you always said, "it's okay to cry".

you're a hero and a human.

sometimes i think you might hate me.

this one girl taps my insecurities.

i don't feel like nothing special.

fall in love again and again.

now all i do is think 'bout you.

but now i've started thinking again.

is it pretty in pink or all see-through?

i'm parked outside watching all the girls strut.

and when we put this to bed the internet will go crazy.

i go so cold.

why is all this sympathy a fucking knife?

this one's for all my break your boyfriend's heart girls.

got a phone call after christmas, didn't know how i should act.

sometimes i think i might hate you.

i went my own way and i made it.

why you lying?

hey, let's get out of here.

it's you and me on the coin the industry loves to spend.

maybe you just wanna be me.

feels like you never understand me.

what the fuck is up?

i don't wanna go back.

i make it so outrageous.

for the last couple years, i've been at war in my body.

when i go to the club i wanna hear those club classics.

i think about it all the time.

you had a power like a lightning strike.

i panicked quietly.

i'm famous but not quite.

i'm gonna tell you right now, they're all i'm thinkin' about.

you wanna know what i got going on down there?

talk to me in your own made-up language, doesn't matter if i understand it.

don't know if it's real or if i'm spiraling.

i heard you talk about me.

shall we have a little line?

i tried to starve myself thinner and then i gained all the weight back.

it's just self defense until you're building a weapon.

that's the word on the street.

it was ice cold.

i'm everywhere.

you wanna guess the colour of my underwear.

i wanna throw the apple into the sky.

yeah, it's so obvious.

she's a radiant mother and he's a beautiful father.

might change my whole damn life.

i'm gonna dance all night.

don't have to guess the color of your underwear.

i'd say that there was a god if they could stop this.

you really are not invited.

when you're in the mirror, you're just looking at me.

i think the apple's rotten right to the core.

maybe if you give me that prize you might see a tear from my eye.

pull it to the side and get all up in it.

felt a little fear and some anxiety the second you arrived and kind of smiled at me.

i guess the apple could turn yellow or green.

shall we go back to my place?

always on my mind.

tell me your secrets and fears.

i don't wanna force a smile.

come on, stay for dinner.

it's alright to just admit that i'm the fantasy.

i get nervous.

[bryqe]

i started ugly crying with Lorde’s verse, so vulnerable & relatable 😭

I was so lost in my head and scared to be in the pictures ‘cause for the last couple years,

I've been at war in my body

I tried to starve myself thinner and then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in a hatred and your life seemed so awesome

I never thought for a second my voice was in your head

Girl, you walk like a bitch, when I was ten, someone said that and it's just self defense until you're building a weapon

She believed my projection and now I totally get it

[bugsonpluto]

well honestly i was speechless when i woke up to your voice note you told me how you've been feeling let's work it out on the remix you always say let's go out but then i cancel last minute i was so lost in my head and scared to be in the pictures 'cause for the last couple years i've been at war in my body i tried to starve myself thinner but then i gained all the weight back i was trapped in a hatred and your life seemed so awesome i never thought for a second my voice was in your head

[aspiringhexgirl]

well honestly I was speechless when I woke up to your voicemail you told me how you'd been feeling LETS WORK IT OUT ON THE REMIX!!! you'd always say let's go out but then I'd cancel last minute I was so lost in my head and scared to be in your pictures cause for the last couple years I've been at war in my body I tried to starve myself thinner and then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in the hatred and your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second my voice was in your head GIRL!! YOU WALK LIKE A BITCH! when I was ten someone said that and it's just self defense until you're building a weapon she believed my projection and now I totally get it! forgot that inside the icon there's still a young girl from Essex! PEOPLE SAY WE'RE ALIKE THEY SAY WE'VE GOT THE SAME HAIR ITS YOU AND ME ON THE COIN THE INDUSTRY LOVES TO SPEND AND WHEN WE PUT THIS TO BED THE INTERNET WILL GO CRAZY I. GLAD I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,

CAUSE I RIDE FOR YOU CHARLI!

[maserid]

Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl Girl, how do you feel being a girl? Girl, girl, girl How do you feel being a girl? Girl, girl, girl Man, I don't know, I'm just a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl

Yeah, I don't know if you like me Sometimes I think you might hate me Sometimes I think I might hate you Maybe you just wanna be me You always say, "Let's go out" So we go eat at a restaurant Sometimes it feels a bit awkward 'Cause we don't have much in common

People say we're alike They say we've got the same hair We talk about making music But I don't know if it's honest Can't tell if you wanna see me Falling over and failing And you can't tell what you're feeling I think I know how you feel

Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl Girl, how do you feel being a girl? Girl, girl, girl How do you feel being a girl? Girl, girl, girl Man, I don't know, I'm just a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl

Well, honestly, I was speechless When I woke up to your voice note You told me how you'd been feeling Let's work it out on the remix You'd always say, "Let's go out" But then I'd cancel last minute I was so lost in my head And scared to be in your pictures 'Cause for the last couple years I've been at war in my body I tried to starve myself thinner And then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in the hatred And your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second My voice was in your head "Girl, you walk like a bitch" When I was ten, someone said that And it's just self-defence Until you're building a weapon She believed my projection And now I totally get it Forgot that inside the icon There's still a young girl from Essex

People we're alike They say we've got the same hair It's you and me on the coin The industry loves to spend And when we put this to bed The internet will go crazy I'm glad I know how you feel 'Cause I ride for you, Charli (Charli, Charli)

Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl Girl, how do you feel being a girl? Girl, girl, girl How do you feel being a girl? Girl, girl, girl Man, I don't know, I'm just a girl Girl, girl, girl, girl Girl, girl (It's so confusing) Girl, girl, girl, girl You know I ride for you, too (It's so confusing-ing)

[drivestraight]

Well, honestly, I was speechless when I woke up to your voice note you told me how you’d been feeling let’s work it out on the remix you’d always say, “let’s go out” but then I’d cancel last minute I was so lost in my head and scared to be in the pictures ‘cause for the last couple years I’ve been at war in my body I tried to starve myself thinner and then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in a hatred and your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second my voice was in your head. Girl

[kminjeongg]

Well, honestly I was speechless When I woke up to your voice note You told me how you'd been feeling Let's work it out on the remix You'd always say, Let's go out But then I'd cancel last minute I was so lost in my head And scared to be in your pictures 'Cause for the last couple years I've been at war with my body I tried to starve myself thinner And then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in the hatred And your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second My voice was in your head "Girl, you walk like a bitch" When I was ten, someone said that And it's just self defence until you're building a weapon She believed my projection And now I totally get it Forgot that inside the icon there's still a young girl from Essex People say we're alike They say we've got the same hair It's you and me on the coin The industry loves to spend And when we put it to bed The internet will go craz I'm glad I know how you feel cause I ride for you, Charli

[cuntdestroyer3000]

This song is so nesta and feyre it HURTSSS. The charli verses are feyre and the lorde verses are nesta. So many of the lyrics align with their relationship. The ending of Acosf made me so emotional, they fr worked it out on the remix😪

I was trapped in a hatred and your life seemed so awesome I never thought for one second my voice was in your head

Girl, you walk like a bitch when I was 10 someone said that. And it’s just self defense before you’re building a weapon. She believed my projections and now I totally get it. Forgot that inside that icon there’s still a young girl from Essex

This is so nesta bro, she didn’t realize how much she hurt feyre. And the “you walk like a bitch line” omgggg. I imagine that her mother said something like that to her and she built up these defenses until they became a weapon. Feyre became this high lady and nesta felt like she was just nothing. But she forgot that feyre is still her sister from that shitty cottage.

[ericwenninger]

Anne Lamott's book, Bird by Bird, is a helpful and honest guide for writing fiction. She pulls back the curtains to confirm what we all already know about writing. It's hard! Lamott paints the writing process as one riddled with insecurity, self-doubt, and despair. But she does so with a light heart and a whole lot of humor.

Her chapter on jealousy stood out to me as one of the most insightful and one of the funniest. In it she describes a severe bout of jealousy she experienced when a less-skilled writer friend started to have a lot more success than her. She writes:

My therapist said that jealousy is a secondary emotion, that it is born out of feeling excluded and deprived, and that if I worked on those age-old feelings, I would probably break through the jealousy. (...) She said it was once again that business of comparing my insides to other people's outsides. She said to go ahead and feel the feelings. I did. They felt like shit.

She goes on to detail the small pieces of advice that strung together a solution for her jealousy. I would summarize this string of advice as follows:

Show grace to yourself and others, knowing that we will all die someday

Practice mindfulness to get a little better day by day

Use humor to make negative feelings funny

Accept negative feelings and defuse their impact on you

Talk and write about your feelings

I'm a big believer in using strategies from Stoicism (see "7 Stoic Lessons on Living Life to Its Fullest") and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to overcome any negative emotion that is preventing you from experiencing more fulfillment in life. This is exactly the stuff Lamott used to move past her jealousy. After putting these strategies into practice, she was able to reach a point of compassion for herself and for her friend, with whom she graciously decided to part ways. She writes:

And finally I felt that my jealousy and I were strangely beautiful...

The very day I read this chapter I learned of another resolution to a conflict involving shades of jealousy. In early June, Charli xcx released her album, BRAT. On the song, "Girl, so confusing," she addresses an unnamed artist and the struggles she experiences in their relationship. Immediately following the song's release, many speculated that the artist she was referring to was Lorde. This was confirmed when just two weeks later, Charli xcx released a follow-up single, "The girl, so confusing version with lorde." On the remix, Lorde actually has a verse in which she responds to Charli's lyrics about their relationship. She responds, in part:

Well, honestly, I was speechless When I woke up to your voice note You told me how you’d been feeling Let's work it out on the remix You’d always say, “Let’s go out” But then I’d cancel last minute I was so lost in my head And scared to be in the pictures ’Cause for the last couple years I’ve been at war in my body I tried to starve myself thinner And then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in the hatred And your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second My voice was in your head

This is still pop music. Such a public display of resolving conflict is going to promote the work of both artists, and as the song suggests, "make the internet go crazy." But I hear the dialogue between Charli xcx and Lorde as being vulnerable and honest. The very act of putting your work out into the world makes you vulnerable. The song's subject matter brings me back to what Lamott's therapist told her about jealousy:

She said it was once again that business of comparing my insides to other people's outsides.

I try to remind myself on a daily basis that everyone I encounter is experiencing some kind of suffering, even those who appear to be happy and successful. Often times their sufferings are internal and go unnoticed, maybe even to the closest of friends. Knowing this can help us all give one another a bit more grace, reconcile the conflicts that divide us, and ultimately, reach the potential that each of us carries.

[00nutritionalvalue]

girl, how do u feel being a girl?

yeah i dont knowif u like me, sometimes i think you might hate me, sometimes i think i might hate you, maybe you just wanna be me

i was so lost in my head & scared to be in your pictures, cause for the last couple years i've been at war in my body, i tried to starve myself thinner and then I gained all the weight back, i was trapped in the hatred and your life seemed so awesome, i never thought for a second my voice was in your head

[re-frigeratorlight]

did you know it’s so 😵‍💫confusing 😵‍💫sometimes to be a girl! 👯‍♀️ i don’t know 🤷‍♀️ i’m just a girl! 👯‍♀️ well honestly i was speechless 🙊 when i woke up to your voice note 🎤 you told me how you’d been feeling 🥺 let’s work it out on the remix 🎶 you’d always say let’s go out 💃 but then i’d cancel last minute ❌ i was so lost in my head 💭 and scared to be in your pictures 🖼️ cause for the last couple years 🗓️ i’d been at war 🤺 with my body 💪 i tried to starve myself thinner 🔻 but then i gained all that weight back 🔺 i was trapped in the hatred 😡 and your life seemed so awesome 🤩 i never thought for a second ⏰ my voice was in your head 🧠🤯 girl you walk like a bitch 🚷 when i was 10 someone said that and it’s just self defense 🤺 until you’re building a weapon 💣 she believed my projection 🎥 and now i totally get it💡forgot that inside that icon 😎 there’s still a young girl from essex 👩‍👧🐤👩‍🍼

[sorcerel-flurry]

binging & depression

Well, honestly, I was speechless When I woke up to your voice note You told me how you'd been feeling Let's work it out on the remix You'd always say, "Let's go out" But then I'd cancel last minute I was so lost in my head And scared to be in your pictures

'Cause for the last couple years I've been at war in my body I tried to starve myself thinner And then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in the hatred And your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second My voice was in your head

"Boy, you walk like a bitch" When I was ten, someone said that And it's just self-defense Until you're building a weapon You believed my projection And now I totally get it Forgot that inside the icon There's still a young girl from back home

People say we're alike They say we've got the same air It's you and me on the coin The industry loves to spend And when we put this to bed The internet will go crazy I'm glad I know how you feel 'Cause I ride for you, baby

[gelatinatremolante]

I was trapped in a hatred and your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second my voice was in your head