#i was trapped in the hatred and your life seemed so awesome i never thought for a second my voice was in your head

[sneakycauliflowers]

rip lila and lenù you would have loved The girl, so confusing version with Lorde

[shisogelee]

you always say let's go out but then i'd cancel last minute i was so lost in my head and scared to be in your pictures 'cause in the last couple years i've been at war in my body i tried to starve myself thinner and then i gained all the weight back i was trapped in the hatred and your life seemed so awesome i never thought for a second my voice was in your head

[warriorprincesstramp]

well honestly I was speechless when I woke up to your voicemail you told me how you'd been feeling let's work it out on the remix you'd always say let's go out but then I'd cancel last minute I was so lost in my head and scared to be in your pictures cause for the last couple years I've been at war in my body I tried to starve myself thinner and then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in the hatred and your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second my voice was in your head girl you walk like a bitch when I was ten someone said that and it's just self-defence until you're building a weapon she believed my projection and now I totally get it forgot that inside the icon there's still a young girl from essex people say we're alike they say we've got the same hair it's you and me on the coin the industry loves to spend and when we put this to bed the internet will go crazy I'm glad I know how you feel cuz I ride for you charli. GIRL!!!!

[miffyisms]

⋆࿐໋˖𓍢ִִ໋ charlie xcx - brat , ♡

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i'd go back in time to when i wasn't insecure.

wondering 'bout whether i think i deserve commercial success.

i'm just living that life.

i never thought for a second my voice was in your head.

no style, i can't relate.

i'm so scared i'm missing out on something.

people say we're alike.

it's running through my mind.

i watched you dance online.

you told me how you'd been feeling.

think she already knows that you're obsessed.

you've been disrespectful.

i just laughed when the bodies went splat.

put the camera flash on.

always gonna lose to people playin' safer.

you say she's problematic and the way you say it's so fanatic.

you wanna put 'em in your mouth.

are you thinking 'bout me?

l've been getting nervous.

now they both know these things that i don't.

i don't know what's going on.

well, honestly, i was speechless when i woke up to your voice note.

do that little dance, without it you'd be nameless.

guess how much money i just took from this deal.

'cause i ride for you.

four generations make up a family.

i think we're totally different, but opposites do attract.

i hope they break up quick.

got my finger on the detonator.

now i really wish i'd stayed.

but i can't help but get so angry you don't listen.

guess i'm a mess and play the role.

already know what you've got goin' on down there.

you know i ride for you too.

i was trapped in a hatred and your life seemed so awesome.

we had a conversation on the way home.

nowadays i only eat at the good restaurants.

she believed my projection and now i totally get it.

meet me in the bathroom if you're bumping that.

i've been looking at you so long now i only see me.

maybe you should run right back to her.

i think you're getting closer.

i've been lookin' at you.

your star burns so bright.

now i'm all up in my head replaying all my worst regrets.

wish i'd tried to pull you closer.

i don't fucking care what you think.

the ones i picked out for you in tokyo.

guilty feelings leave me fractured.

you're all in danger.

i feel all these feelings i can't control.

i don't wanna feel fearless.

i'm your number one.

used to sit in my bedroom putting polish on my toes.

are you obsessed with me?

legacy is undebated.

i wear these clothes as disguise

it's so confusing sometimes.

i was so lost in my head and scared to be in the pictures.

i think about it all the time, that i might run out of time.

wanna turn back time to a different time.

shall we do a little key?

they say we've got the same hair.

i was petrified.

this one's for all my bad girls.

push my hair back.

you're all about writing poems.

what i find is kind of scary.

it's okay to just admit that you're jealous of me.

i don't know if i belong here anymore.

don't sleep, don't eat, just do it on repeat.

maybe we're so meant to be.

when you're surrounded by friends, i'm just wondering what they know.

but honestly i'm always thinking 'bout my weight.

talk to me in spanish.

talk right in my ear.

once you talk to me, i'll talk to you.

let's work it out on the remix.

who cares?

now i'm on the news with the dui stare.

maybe just a little bit.

she's in her mid 20s, real intelligent.

i think i know how you feel.

i wanna be blinded by the lights.

when i was ten, someone said that.

i was walking around in stockholm, seriously thinking 'bout my future for the first time.

who the fuck are you?

you hate the fact she's new york city's darling.

i set the tone, it's my design, and it's stuck in your mind.

i saw them when you sat down, they were peekin' out.

no, i'll never go home.

would it give my life a new purpose?

most of the time i'm out my mind.

put your hands up.

i'm feeling like i'm on fire.

i wish you'd talk.

i went to my friend's place and i met their baby for the first time.

think you already know her but you don't.

i talk to myself in the mirror.

used to burn cds full of songs i didn't know.

you won't fuck 'less he's famous.

i swear i'd be so nice.

took a long time breaking myself down, building myself up.

you wanna guess if i'm serious about this song.

why do i wanna buy a gun?

i guess the apple don't fall far from the tree.

my career feels so small in the existential scheme of it all.

i'm kind of thinking you are.

lookin' like an icon.

it's 4 am and she's out there with a razor sharp tongue stuck to skinny cigarettes.

why did i push you away?

it's that lacy black pair with the little bows.

recently, i've been thinking 'bout a way simpler time.

this one's for all my mean girls.

that's what i'm talking about.

one day i might.

i don't wanna share the space.

hi, it's me.

can i fit it?

used to live just for the party.

i'm opposite, i'm on the other side.

i'll always be the one.

you walk like a bitch.

never get invited 'cause i'm such a hater.

wear 'em.

i don't wanna fall right back to us.

i was scared sometimes.

play the track fast, not slow.

should i stop my birth control?

i was too scared.

would it make me miss all my freedom?

it's 2 am and she's out there.

dial 999, it's a good time.

wish you'd just talk to me.

i know your little secret.

sometimes i just wanna rewind.

just you and me.

you wanna guess the address of the party i'm at.

it's obvious, i'm your number one.

everything is romantic.

is it showing off my brand new lower back tattoo?

she's kinda fucked up but she's still in vogue.

we've been talking for months, but never in the same room.

there's no one i wanna thank out there.

i look perfect for the background.

yeah, i don't know if you like me.

i used to never feel embarrassed.

i couldn't even be her if i tried.

i shot myself, i'm born to lose.

i'm so apprehensive now.

can't tell if you wanna see me falling over and failing.

i snag my tights out on the lawn chair.

how do you feel being a girl?

you're obsessing, just confess it.

now i wanna approach ya.

i knew i'd end up with my hands behind my back.

i'm embarrassed to have it but need the sympathy.

for all my tear his shit apart girls.

i might say something stupid.

we've been keeping this a secret.

i get money, you get mad because the bank's shut.

you wanna turn this shit out.

when i'm on stage sometimes i lie.

i'm glad i know how you feel.

man, i don't know, i'm just a girl.

i'm your favorite reference, baby.

crazy girl shit, gonna go spring breakers.

they're exactly the same but they're different now.

talk to me in french.

i know there's lots of different nuances to you and to me.

think you should come to my party.

i don't know if it's honest.

why i can't even grit my teeth and lie.

when you're in the mirror, do you like what you see?

wanna go real wild when i'm bumping that.

why do i wanna shoot myself?

i finally met my baby.

i followed you to the bathroom.

i'm a brat when i'm bumping that.

put your hands up and dance.

try it, bite it.

you pushed me hard, made me focus.

i wanna know where you go when you're feeling alone.

you can't tell what you're feeling.

i hate these doubts that keep running through my mind.

you'd always say, "let's go out," but then i'd cancel last minute.

all this sympathy is just a knife.

wanna guess the password to my google drive?

would you like this one?

sometimes it feels a bit awkward 'cause we don't have much in common.

no, i'd never misbehave.

i know you always said, "it's okay to cry".

you're a hero and a human.

sometimes i think you might hate me.

this one girl taps my insecurities.

i don't feel like nothing special.

fall in love again and again.

now all i do is think 'bout you.

but now i've started thinking again.

is it pretty in pink or all see-through?

i'm parked outside watching all the girls strut.

and when we put this to bed the internet will go crazy.

i go so cold.

why is all this sympathy a fucking knife?

this one's for all my break your boyfriend's heart girls.

got a phone call after christmas, didn't know how i should act.

sometimes i think i might hate you.

i went my own way and i made it.

why you lying?

hey, let's get out of here.

it's you and me on the coin the industry loves to spend.

maybe you just wanna be me.

feels like you never understand me.

what the fuck is up?

i don't wanna go back.

i make it so outrageous.

for the last couple years, i've been at war in my body.

when i go to the club i wanna hear those club classics.

i think about it all the time.

you had a power like a lightning strike.

i panicked quietly.

i'm famous but not quite.

i'm gonna tell you right now, they're all i'm thinkin' about.

you wanna know what i got going on down there?

talk to me in your own made-up language, doesn't matter if i understand it.

don't know if it's real or if i'm spiraling.

i heard you talk about me.

shall we have a little line?

i tried to starve myself thinner and then i gained all the weight back.

it's just self defense until you're building a weapon.

that's the word on the street.

it was ice cold.

i'm everywhere.

you wanna guess the colour of my underwear.

i wanna throw the apple into the sky.

yeah, it's so obvious.

she's a radiant mother and he's a beautiful father.

might change my whole damn life.

i'm gonna dance all night.

don't have to guess the color of your underwear.

i'd say that there was a god if they could stop this.

you really are not invited.

when you're in the mirror, you're just looking at me.

i think the apple's rotten right to the core.

maybe if you give me that prize you might see a tear from my eye.

pull it to the side and get all up in it.

felt a little fear and some anxiety the second you arrived and kind of smiled at me.

i guess the apple could turn yellow or green.

shall we go back to my place?

always on my mind.

tell me your secrets and fears.

i don't wanna force a smile.

come on, stay for dinner.

it's alright to just admit that i'm the fantasy.

i get nervous.

[bryqe]

i started ugly crying with Lorde’s verse, so vulnerable & relatable 😭

I was so lost in my head and scared to be in the pictures ‘cause for the last couple years,

I've been at war in my body

I tried to starve myself thinner and then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in a hatred and your life seemed so awesome

I never thought for a second my voice was in your head

Girl, you walk like a bitch, when I was ten, someone said that and it's just self defense until you're building a weapon

She believed my projection and now I totally get it

[cuntdestroyer3000]

This song is so nesta and feyre it HURTSSS. The charli verses are feyre and the lorde verses are nesta. So many of the lyrics align with their relationship. The ending of Acosf made me so emotional, they fr worked it out on the remix😪

I was trapped in a hatred and your life seemed so awesome I never thought for one second my voice was in your head

Girl, you walk like a bitch when I was 10 someone said that. And it’s just self defense before you’re building a weapon. She believed my projections and now I totally get it. Forgot that inside that icon there’s still a young girl from Essex

This is so nesta bro, she didn’t realize how much she hurt feyre. And the “you walk like a bitch line” omgggg. I imagine that her mother said something like that to her and she built up these defenses until they became a weapon. Feyre became this high lady and nesta felt like she was just nothing. But she forgot that feyre is still her sister from that shitty cottage.

[bugsonpluto]

well honestly i was speechless when i woke up to your voice note you told me how you've been feeling let's work it out on the remix you always say let's go out but then i cancel last minute i was so lost in my head and scared to be in the pictures 'cause for the last couple years i've been at war in my body i tried to starve myself thinner but then i gained all the weight back i was trapped in a hatred and your life seemed so awesome i never thought for a second my voice was in your head

[kminjeongg]

Well, honestly I was speechless When I woke up to your voice note You told me how you'd been feeling Let's work it out on the remix You'd always say, Let's go out But then I'd cancel last minute I was so lost in my head And scared to be in your pictures 'Cause for the last couple years I've been at war with my body I tried to starve myself thinner And then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in the hatred And your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second My voice was in your head "Girl, you walk like a bitch" When I was ten, someone said that And it's just self defence until you're building a weapon She believed my projection And now I totally get it Forgot that inside the icon there's still a young girl from Essex People say we're alike They say we've got the same hair It's you and me on the coin The industry loves to spend And when we put it to bed The internet will go craz I'm glad I know how you feel cause I ride for you, Charli

[ericwenninger]

Anne Lamott's book, Bird by Bird, is a helpful and honest guide for writing fiction. She pulls back the curtains to confirm what we all already know about writing. It's hard! Lamott paints the writing process as one riddled with insecurity, self-doubt, and despair. But she does so with a light heart and a whole lot of humor.

Her chapter on jealousy stood out to me as one of the most insightful and one of the funniest. In it she describes a severe bout of jealousy she experienced when a less-skilled writer friend started to have a lot more success than her. She writes:

My therapist said that jealousy is a secondary emotion, that it is born out of feeling excluded and deprived, and that if I worked on those age-old feelings, I would probably break through the jealousy. (...) She said it was once again that business of comparing my insides to other people's outsides. She said to go ahead and feel the feelings. I did. They felt like shit.

She goes on to detail the small pieces of advice that strung together a solution for her jealousy. I would summarize this string of advice as follows:

Show grace to yourself and others, knowing that we will all die someday

Practice mindfulness to get a little better day by day

Use humor to make negative feelings funny

Accept negative feelings and defuse their impact on you

Talk and write about your feelings

I'm a big believer in using strategies from Stoicism (see "7 Stoic Lessons on Living Life to Its Fullest") and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to overcome any negative emotion that is preventing you from experiencing more fulfillment in life. This is exactly the stuff Lamott used to move past her jealousy. After putting these strategies into practice, she was able to reach a point of compassion for herself and for her friend, with whom she graciously decided to part ways. She writes:

And finally I felt that my jealousy and I were strangely beautiful...

The very day I read this chapter I learned of another resolution to a conflict involving shades of jealousy. In early June, Charli xcx released her album, BRAT. On the song, "Girl, so confusing," she addresses an unnamed artist and the struggles she experiences in their relationship. Immediately following the song's release, many speculated that the artist she was referring to was Lorde. This was confirmed when just two weeks later, Charli xcx released a follow-up single, "The girl, so confusing version with lorde." On the remix, Lorde actually has a verse in which she responds to Charli's lyrics about their relationship. She responds, in part:

Well, honestly, I was speechless When I woke up to your voice note You told me how you’d been feeling Let's work it out on the remix You’d always say, “Let’s go out” But then I’d cancel last minute I was so lost in my head And scared to be in the pictures ’Cause for the last couple years I’ve been at war in my body I tried to starve myself thinner And then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in the hatred And your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second My voice was in your head

This is still pop music. Such a public display of resolving conflict is going to promote the work of both artists, and as the song suggests, "make the internet go crazy." But I hear the dialogue between Charli xcx and Lorde as being vulnerable and honest. The very act of putting your work out into the world makes you vulnerable. The song's subject matter brings me back to what Lamott's therapist told her about jealousy:

She said it was once again that business of comparing my insides to other people's outsides.

I try to remind myself on a daily basis that everyone I encounter is experiencing some kind of suffering, even those who appear to be happy and successful. Often times their sufferings are internal and go unnoticed, maybe even to the closest of friends. Knowing this can help us all give one another a bit more grace, reconcile the conflicts that divide us, and ultimately, reach the potential that each of us carries.

[re-frigeratorlight]

did you know it’s so 😵‍💫confusing 😵‍💫sometimes to be a girl! 👯‍♀️ i don’t know 🤷‍♀️ i’m just a girl! 👯‍♀️ well honestly i was speechless 🙊 when i woke up to your voice note 🎤 you told me how you’d been feeling 🥺 let’s work it out on the remix 🎶 you’d always say let’s go out 💃 but then i’d cancel last minute ❌ i was so lost in my head 💭 and scared to be in your pictures 🖼️ cause for the last couple years 🗓️ i’d been at war 🤺 with my body 💪 i tried to starve myself thinner 🔻 but then i gained all that weight back 🔺 i was trapped in the hatred 😡 and your life seemed so awesome 🤩 i never thought for a second ⏰ my voice was in your head 🧠🤯 girl you walk like a bitch 🚷 when i was 10 someone said that and it’s just self defense 🤺 until you’re building a weapon 💣 she believed my projection 🎥 and now i totally get it💡forgot that inside that icon 😎 there’s still a young girl from essex 👩‍👧🐤👩‍🍼

[sorcerel-flurry]

binging & depression

Well, honestly, I was speechless When I woke up to your voice note You told me how you'd been feeling Let's work it out on the remix You'd always say, "Let's go out" But then I'd cancel last minute I was so lost in my head And scared to be in your pictures

'Cause for the last couple years I've been at war in my body I tried to starve myself thinner And then I gained all the weight back I was trapped in the hatred And your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second My voice was in your head

"Boy, you walk like a bitch" When I was ten, someone said that And it's just self-defense Until you're building a weapon You believed my projection And now I totally get it Forgot that inside the icon There's still a young girl from back home

People say we're alike They say we've got the same air It's you and me on the coin The industry loves to spend And when we put this to bed The internet will go crazy I'm glad I know how you feel 'Cause I ride for you, baby

[charles-simmons-fanfiction]

Well honestly I was speechless When I woke up to your poem You told me how you'd been feeling Let's work it out on a reunion

You'd say “let's go to the cave” But then I'd cancel last minute I was so lost in my head And scared to be in more trouble

'Cause for the last couple years I've been at war in my ideals I tried to lie for all of us And then lost you in the process I was trapped in the hatred And your life seemed so awesome I never thought for a second My voice was in your head

maybe charlie and cameron just needed to work it out on the remix

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Impressions from TTM

Spoilers, spoilers everywhere. Just a big bulleted list of thoughts as I read through the graphic novel. Not a lot of detail included, so it’ll make a lot more sense if you’ve already read it yourself!

looks like Moonshadow elves cross the arms of the dead... when they have a body to bury

it’s nice to see that Rayla imagines Runaan with all his shirts, the way she last saw him

kinda looks like Rayla changed into her jammies right on her bed and dumped her clothes on that little table. maybe she’s afraid of letting the few things she actually possesses out of her sight

listen we get one little panel of Opeli in here and it’s great

Soren’s cape smacking Callum in the face, 10/10

Lujanne’s appearance out of nowhere, along with Allen’s is just adorable, she’s so sparkly. And also she can apparently just turn totally invisible with an illusion spell? Even at a new moon? Probably because of the Nexus I guess

Lujanne’s “Big strong man with big strong feelings.” She and Runaan have exactly the same type and I support them

Allen’s face when Lujanne says it aches to miss Phoe-Phoe

Callum eating off Rayla’s plate and wondering how Lujanne suspected they were a couple, hmmm

Soren and Allen bonding

Rayla warning Lujanne about hand disguises, as if that was something Runaan made very sure she knew

Rayla’s cute chaos grin when Callum’s Aspiro spell goes off is my favorite pic of her in this whole graphic novel

Lujanne’s “Oh.” afterward is my fave pic of her, too, she does not seem to handle reality well!

Bait’s tongue will never get old

Lujanne’s whole speech during Phoe-Phoe’s rebirth ritual is so touching and beautiful, my heart

Lujanne putting the newborn Moon Phoenix into Ezran’s hands, like she knows he’ll have the best connection with her

Callum’s tears as he reminds Rayla that Runaan killed Harrow, he’s trying to move on, but it hurts

Rayla’s self-soothing behavior when she has her second nightmare in the book--she must have these most every night :((((

the big symbol on the Moon Temple doors looks like a stylized Moon staff, like it’s a building for mages

Lujanne saying Rayla might not want or need the truth right after Callum mentions Runaan’s name to her, he sassily asks about her husbands and she turns it into a compliment

Callum’s big reaction to the moon opals is adorable. The only other one he’s seen was part of a pair of treasured gifts between long-time spouses, so it kinda looks like he’s all “uhh we just started dating”

also Ethari must’ve made cute metal swirly covers for the pair he and Runaan wore, since these two are undecorated--maybe he got his from Lujanne?

listen Lujanne is a hoot and all but she’s both an ally and an antagonist. Her actions are trustworthy but her advice is generally terrible. It’s an interesting parallel to how Runaan says a lot with his actions too, but he talks a lot less than Lujanne

Rayla yeeting herself into a fight just to ask Soren for a talk is 10/10 Moonshadow assassin goals

but her hood is up when she’s lurking in the trees--she might not have known where she’d find Soren and was anticipating something less fun on the feels-o-meter

Rayla in the mud again. Soren keeps making people fall in the mud

Allen’s grumpy squiggle

Callum, I love you, but you have no respect for moon opals. It’s like they wronged you in a previous life or something

that dancing elf has very long hair and shoulder pauldrons, and they start off dancing with six kneeling, watching, hooded elves around them--Moon Druids wore hoods even before they were assassins. Considering what Lujanne said about why the portal was sometimes opened, maybe those six kneeling elves are waiting under their emotion-hiding hoods to farewell a loved one who’s recently died?

can’t tell for sure but maybe the elf is dancing along the lines in the stone like they mark patterns for ritual dances, which would be the bomb

Soren and Rayla’s conversation is pretty wrenching. Seeing Soren have to struggle with what he did because it’s tangled up with Viren is rough because as a Crownguard it should just have been his duty to defend his king and he’d have nothing to feel weird about

Rayla dissociating herself from the term “assassins” and Soren dissociating from calling Viren “my father” in the same conversation is 10/10 excellent growth

Soren must know what happens to prisoners his dad gets a hold of, even if he doesn’t know the details :(((

“we captured him” and “Viren took him” seem to be talking about the Crownguard and Viren, not the brodigies and Viren

Rayla having a wooden sword at the end of the day bc she played swordfighting with Allen and Soren all day long

the panel where Rayla doesn’t say anything at all after telling Callum that she asked Soren about Runaan actually says so much, you can hear it

every time Lujanne’s white lies idea gets repeated, things get worse

Allen’s reading glasses, there must be one optician in the human village and he caters to soft kindly gentlemen of a certain age

in the moon phase montage, baby Phoe-Phoe is flying next to Ezran after one week at the Nexus. Maybe he’s paying her back by helping her learn to fly after she helped him teach Zym how to fly! Did they bond as tightly as Ezran did with Zym? I support Ezran just bonding with the most powerful flying creatures in all the land.

the irony of Callum using Lujanne’s tactics against her is amazing, but really the white lies thing is a giant ball of chaos in this story and it does not play favorites

Bait on the stone pillar during rebuilding

all the noises the Moonhenge makes are 10/10

Rayla dancing with Callum even though there’s almost no chance she’s ever done that dance before

Lujanne’s pupils going white, that is a cool effect, what’s it mean?

the black moon in the pink sky is so spooky! Is it just me or does the color scheme here kinda vibe like the space outside Aaravos’s library?

the smoky assassin squad, 10/10 creep factor, I love it

the lightning being a literal crack of doom with “CRAK-DOOM” as Katolis Castle appears, “echoes of thunder” indeed, very nice

Lujanne being mad but she can’t decide if it’s at Callum or herself

when she says pulling Rayla out now will leave her soul on one side and her body a husk. After the Insta live stream last night where we learned that soulfang serpents are Moon primal creatures, that’s... super interesting

smoky assassins go tssh in the rain like they’re still hot from being cremated, thanks I hate it

Andromeda finds Rayla first and seems closest/most aggressive so I wonder why she might hate Rayla more than the others

the assassins’ wrist bindings have gone red but they’re still attached and seem to trap the souls where they are. But all they need to be free is to perceive that Rayla completed their task, even though we know otherwise. So... would that work for killing any target? If you’re certain that you did it, does your binding fall off even if you’re wrong? eyes Pip

this must not be the actual afterlife since the spirits kind of mist up toward the moon and vanish, it’s more like a lobby, no one stays here unless they get stuck

portaling around just by shouting at villains, excellent

Rayla literally dropping a sword at the sight of the pod Viren’s in, yeah, it’s that creepy, I agree

Viren’s eyes are so black I think they’re Aaravos’s. I got a whole headcanon on Good Viren and Evil Viren for S4 now, wow

Phoe-Phoe pulling out a feather for Callum, awww my heart! This is why Ezran had to come, to bond with her so together they could save Callum and Rayla, it’s so sweet

so these humans are from the Storm Spire battle, bc that’s the Storm Spire behind Rayla and Callum on p108, with the rune-written arch. Did they die hating Rayla and Callum from the battle? Did they even know Rayla was up there? Or is pod Viren/Aaravos actually making them attack out of hatred for Viren’s death? One of these is definitely creepier and more awesome

Rayla’s confidence that Callum can and will boost her at the right moment with his magic, my heart, I love battle couples

that one panel that mirrors the Ghost Feather key art, hhhhhh

Rayla being the better swimmer, such precious irony, thanks Runaan

them holding hands and swimming upward together on the full-page panel is blessed

Lujanne pulling Rayla out of the lake with both arms gives me feels bc my grandma saved my life once

Lujanne being super soft over Rayllum, she is indeed a hopeless romantic

Rayla says “gone” about her parents and Runaan, and that’s the word Ethari used too, and I’m suddenly wondering if Ethari reached right into that pool and has always known that the lotus is half-submerged and if the sword he’s been making is for himself

I’m so glad Rayla told Callum what she saw of Viren

Rayla deceiving Callum and heading into danger alone because his life is more valuable to her than her own is exactly what Runaan did for her the night of the full moon in Katolis. I’m leaning toward her having thought this over and doing it on purpose bc she believes it’s a sign of deepest love--that Runaan’s actions and Lujanne’s words match up in her head, so she thinks it’s the right thing to do bc the mage and the assassin agree. Alas, Callum doesn’t understand the Moon arcanum yet, so he will have a different opinion. That mage and that assassin do not agree!

Rayla’s cloak has that Moon Temple symbol on its back. Is it Lujanne’s cloak? Any Moonshadow who sees it will probably know where she got it and who helped her. That could be fun!

[imagineofallkindsxxx]

Eternal Flame- Kol Mikaelson 3/?

Chapter 1- You're the Hybrid?

Summary: Singing. Thats all what Alexandra Gilbert has cared about since she was young and all she would care about until she met him.

With Alexandra fighting vampires, werewolves an all between she may do a thing she vowed never to do, fall in love.

And to think it all started with a walk in the woods...

The room was pitch black I could barely see what's in front of me my fingers getting clipped and cut on the item in my hands. Finally, it was fixed but then the worst thing happened. The door opened.

The room was filled with light from the lights on the ceiling of the room and all of the hard work we created was useless now with all the neatly placed mouse traps springing open making me question the reason of everything. I looked up and saw an alarmed looking Matt Donovan making me feel even more depressed, wondering what I ever did to deserve this.

"Oh come on! Seriously?!? Do you know how long this took for us to set all this up?!?" Caroline yelled at the blonde footballer essentially expressing my thoughts out loud.

"Forgot about senior prank night?" Tyler Lockwood asked his best friend.

"Clearly." he replied seeming confused by the whole ordeal that has been tradition since well ever.

"How could you forget We've only been waiting for this since freshman year!" Caroline once again yelled and not gonna lie I agree with her until last year all of us had been dying for us to prank the teachers following the footsteps of those before us trying to outdo them.

"Yeah, Matt if I'm doing this, you're doing this" Elena chipped in

"Doing what? Having fun what a travesty" I sassed rolling my eyes at my sister "Lord give me strength." I whispered so no one but Caroline would hear me throwing me a glare where I just shrugged innocently. I mean it's not my fault that Elena became boring when dumb and dumber came along.

"I'm surprised any of you are doing this" Matt said, what are we supposed to do just stand around and worry about what might happen? Feel guilty about the deaths we've caused? If we do that, we'll miss college.

"Caroline's making us." Bonnie piped up

"Not making me. To be perfectly honest I'm enjoying myself" I shrug attempting to fix a mouse trap not making eye contact with anyone but still managing to make Caroline to smile at me.

"We're about to be seniors. These are memories that will stay with us forever, and if we don't..." she trailed off still trying to be positive compared to the rest of us.

"And if we don't create memories now, then what's the point of it all?" My sister finished for her best friend making Caroline deflate at the tone of her voice making me feel like snapping at her again but for sake of Caroline I decided to focus on her more than my annoyance or Elena.

"Go ahead make fun, I don't care" She replied, obviously lying to us, hurt how the majority of her friends are making fun of an idea to get all of our mind of the supernatural by doing normal things a teen would enjoy. I wasn't the only one seeing how upset Caroline was with her boyfriend saying.

"You're all lame. And I've got ten more classes to prank." I decided to pitch in after he announced his leave.

"Yeah, I'm meeting my boys in the chem lab, we're 'doing something awesome to Jones' according to Jamie anyway" a small smirk on my face "See you losers later" winking at Caroline.

When out of the class I headed along the hall to get to the class seeing Tyler giving some students instructions "Seems like Caroline's rubbing off on you Ty" a small smile on my face, instead of verbally responding he just rolled his eyes playfully continuing to give instructions.

I kept on wondering down the dark and quiet hallway feeling creeped out. All of a sudden I heard a slamming of a door making me feel more aware of my surroundings ready to run in case of any well unusual people out there

"Who's there?" I shouted out on instinct before realising what a stupid move that was. Well done Alex if they didn't know you were here they do now my subconscious reminded me, I slowly walked towards the noise until I heard from behind me.

"Boo!" I turned around and punched whoever it was on instinct "Fucking hell Andie!" the mysterious 'creature' yelled making me realise it was just Mark then hearing laughter behind him making me see he isn't alone but thing one and two were here as well.

"Jesus Andie remind me never to get in a fight with you" Sam managed out before James saying "Yeah next boxing match I'm putting my money on you"

I give them an unimpressed look "oh you mean all 10 cent you know seeing as though the last time you bet you lost 100 dollars" casting up how he bet on the Dolphins winning the super bowl losing 100 dollars in the process. "And you. carry on way you're acting and we'll be getting in a fight quite soon" I told James.

"Not a word." was all I said to Mark knowing a sarcastic comment was coming causing him roll his eyes. "Right gents what class are we supposed to be pranking?" before following a still grinning James to the chemistry lab belonging to Mr Jones' the hatred between him and Jamie running deep with the detentions and destruction in the past 3 years.

"Of course it would be Jones. Your obsession with each other is genuinely unhealthy." Sam remarked with an eye roll.

"Gotta agree with Sammy on that Jame" Mark seconded with me making a noise of agreement while looking through the bag he brought with him finding confetti, superglue, a large cut out of about 8 feet cut out of the periodic table and purple paint?

"Yeah well, I could say same for you and Kayleigh Jackson." referring to the rivalry between Kayleigh a kind blonde braniac who was on the cheer squad and honestly the only girl in this school I would trust with my life. Her and Sam had a rivalry which stemmed from how Kayleigh fought over a red crayon with him in kindergarten ever since they fight over the most stupid things, from what colour nitrogen mixed with sulphuric acid to whose cake was better in home economics, honestly, it's just became a way of life.

"Right before we start fighting about whose rivalry is worse let's get on with the prank?" I suggested with the back up from my blue-eyed best friend.

"So, you want to superglue the periodic table coloured in purple his least favourite colour" I started before Sam butted in

"How do you know his least favourite colour exactly?"

"I have my ways you have yours" Jesus this is hard work but I tried to continue "Then rig up this contraption when he opens his door tomorrow, he'll have confetti fallen on him?"

"and superglue" he added

I stared at him for a few seconds before saying "Sounds good. I'll get started on the confetti and super glue"

We all joked and tried our best to prank Mr Jones to the best of our ability and not just because of the hated between a certain drummer and the teacher himself. After we did that, we walked to the next class Mr Curtis our favourite music teacher but before we could begin, we were interrupted by Harry from my political studies class coming in and telling all of us

"Hate to break it guys but we've been busted, teacher saw us pranking the gym hall." he told us with a sympathetic smile. once he told us this, we all groaned and complained

"That's shit"

"You're joking!"

"No. That aint right."

"Jesus Christ. Why is god against me?"

"Don't shoot the messenger guys." Harry replied with his hand up in surrender walking out of the class.

Mark sighed "Well this is shit."

"I know fucking hate this" James agreed shaking his head. I swear I saw a tear in his brown eye.

"What can we do gents? We're caught. Just think of Mr Jones face tomorrow that's all you have to think about to get through the day" I told them trying to show them a silver lining to this horrible end of a great night.

"Yeah, doesn't make it any better." The drummer moaned "Do any of you need a ride?"

"Yeah, that'd be great"

"Yes, please my man" the two other males answered the brunette.

"Can't sorry boys, have to go home with my sister. Sorry" I declined

"Good luck, Alex" Mark said somewhat making it sound sarcastic making me throw a pencil at him as he raced out the classroom.

"See ya tomorrow my girl"

"Adios gorgeous" the other two more sensible- at that moment- boys said. I waved them good bye before we walked out of the class going in opposite directions with them heading out to the parking lot and me like an idiot going through all the school looking for my sister. Texting her asking where she was.

"She better not have left me" I muttered before opening the doors to enter the Gym hall.

"Alex! get out of here!" was all I heard looking up from my phone seeing an unusual scene in front of me to say the least. An empty hall with the exception of my sister, chad from Miss Golds class and Dana the girl who co-organised the whole prank night with Caroline and a man in his 20's? next to Elena seeming to be talking to her.

For once it looked like my sister had the right so I turned and bolted towards the doors only to be stopped by the same man that was conversing with the doppelganger.

""Now, now love. Who may you be?" He said in a nice posh British accent looking into my eyes therefore me being able to understand I'm being compelled.

"Someone on vervain." I snarked back "Try an eat me and it'll be like drinking acid, or so I've been told." I told him acting innocent at the old. he rolls his eyes as though expecting the sarcasm. Stefan must have told him everything about the entirety of the school.

This dick of a vampire gripped my am tightly and threw me onto the ground.

"Jesus be a bit gentler. Love." adding a bit more English mannerisms sarcastically where he just smirked back. Asshole.

"Alex! Are you okay?" My sister asks worried for my safety. I looked around my surroundings once more seeing Dana keeping her leg up wobbling every now and kind of like she's being controlled.

"Been better, been worse." I replied to my sister getting up "What's wrong with Dana and Chad?" I asked the brunette doppelganger; she opened her mouth but before she could reply the mysterious and freak of a vampire answered for her.

"Well love I compelled them. You seem to know what that means?" I glared at him thinking of any wooded objects that would kill the vampire in front of me there's a pencil you stole from Sam in your back pocket use that but before I could I heard my sister ask the vampire.

"Where's Stefan? What did you do to him?"

"Stefan's on a bit of a time out" What? Stefans with that psycho hybrid? Oh my days... before anything else was said I gave out a little laugh

"You're the hybrid? the scary murderous sociopath everyone is talking about? you look like an old man with dire need of a new war-" but before I could finish, he ran towards me pushing me against the back wall threatening to kill me in a chokehold.

"That may be so but I can break your neck with a single flick." he said with a murderous tone and eyes that look like he wanted to kill me but couldn't?

"Duly noted." I managed to get out before hearing him laugh in my face letting me go and fall to the floor with a crash.

"Now what is your name sweetheart?" but before I could reply Bonnie and Matt open the doors and enter the huge hall

"Bonnie, get out of here!" My sister yelled

"Go, Bon, Leave!" I shouted along with her well attempted to shout. But in a blink of an eye the hybrid was in front of the Bennett witch, now this is a fight I would like to see. On Bonnies side of course.

"Ah I was wondering when you'd show up. Now we can get started."

***********************************************************

A/N: thought I'd end it like that cause I want to do two chapters an episode maybe. Therfore warning to readers itll be a while until you meet Kol however there will be bits and pieces which relate to Kol but not going to say anything else.

Let me know what you think and if I can do anything to improve my future writing or this chapter.

Also Ashleigh is a REALLY good friend of hers, her best girl friend.

Thank you for reading lovelies xxx

[akizumy]

Guilt

Sooo- I hadn’t planned to write anything for Halloween, but then I got this idea and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I know I’m a day late (typical me), but since it is done I might as well post it, right ? This One Shot is part of the Varitas AU (basically an evil Varian ahah), and I fear I got inspired by the rp blogs : @royal-engineer-of-corona and @v-a-r-i-t-a-s TW !! Amber, knife, death (there is no graphic description except a mention of blood)- if there is anything else that you think I should tag, don’t hesitate to yell at me in the comments. Takes place between Be very Afraid and Cassandra's revenge !

If most people had to describe Varian, they would use the word 'dangerous' because of what the kid could do, and what he had already done. Although the alchemist had saved Corona and been forgiven by the royal family, everyone still saw him as the criminal who kidnapped their queen, who attacked the kingdom with automatons and a mutant raccoon. Everyone still saw him as the threat he used to be and could still be, even Varian himself : if the alchemist couldn't forgive himself, why would others act any differently ? But Eugene saw things differently. Unlike the rest of the Coronans, the former thief spend most of his days with the young alchemist ever since the latter got out of jail; he had of course been wary of him at first, the memory of Varian attacking Rapunzel and the kingdom still painfully fresh in his memory like in everyone else's. But day after day, he had soon come to accept that the kid was very different from this idea that everyone had of him. Everything about him, whether it was his actions or his words, illustrated his regrets about his past actions; and Eugene could see how hard the kid was trying to make amends. That was why the word he associated with Varian was not 'dangerous', but 'guilt'. It was both an observation of the alchemist's behavior, his doubts and culpability, and also a protection against others' judgment. Varian had regrets. Varian had changed. Varian was no longer dangerous. He wanted nothing more than for everyone, the kid included, to see that and to be able to move on; for people to realize all the good Varian could make, and for Varian to see that as well- that it wasn't too late for him to be who he wanted to be. That he could still be happy. Such a shame that he had to be proved wrong. It had all happened really fast : the automatons, attacking the island one morning. They were numerous, and more just kept coming in an endless flow; even though they had no idea what was happening or why, Rapunzel had focused on going and protecting the Coronans first, getting answers after that. That was the plan. Pretty easy, hard to mess up- or, it should have been. Because now as the cold, metal hand of the automaton was firmly holding Eugene prisoner, the latter having no choice but to face the woman he loved encased in amber and surrounded by two other automatons, the former thief was left wondering how could things have possibly gone this wrong. "Well, it looks like Corona no longer has her beloved leader- if she could even be called that in the first place." And of course, how could he possibly forget the one whose satisfied tone was awakening in Eugene a deep hatred, one like he had never felt before. Varian was standing in front of the statue, looking absolutely triumphant, and how could he not be after taking over Corona and defeating their princess, their Sundrop ? The broken wall of the throne room, the latter being only a remnant of what it used to be, only added to his glorious victory, offering an heartbreaking view on the completely destroyed kingdom. His eyes were shining with an eerie joy, and a wide grin appeared on his lips as he admired the consequences of his actions; encased in amber, Rapunzel's painful and horrified expression was a terrible contrast with the alchemist's ominous one. "Don't worry, Eugene," the alchemist said after some time, finally looking away from the amber to the former thief, trapped in an other kind of prison, "She's not dead. She doesn't deserve such a fate." The alchemist confidently walked up to him, leaning against the metal hand. "No, she deserves a sentence far worse than that." The alchemist's voice was dangerously low as he stared at Eugene, watching his every reaction. The former thief didn't look away in return, instead glaring at the kid who had taken so much from him and went as far as to laugh about it too. He just- Eugene simply couldn't believe what he was hearing and seeing. Varian- Varian had made amends. He had apologized, and they'd forgiven him. He had been working ever since to help Corona, to fix his mistakes and stop Cassandra. Varian had changed- he had. Hadn't he ? But then, why would he go back on that ? Why did he all of a sudden attack Corona with these- these automatons, destroying the island, trapping Rapunzel in that same amber that destroyed his life once before ? Why would he do that to his friends, to Team Awesome ? Was it all just a wicked scheme to fool them ? Eugene stared at the kid in front of him. He was exactly like Varian- same outfit, same black hair with this odd blue stripe, same blue eyes. No, not the same. Varian's eyes weren't merciless, mocking and cold, so cold. Varian's eyes were warm, friendly and guilty. "Who..." Eugene hissed, glaring all the more. "Who are you ? What have you done to Varian ?" Varian wouldn't do something like that, Eugene was sure of it. The other half of Team Awesome, the kid who liked ham sandwiches and often forgot to take care of himself when working was not the same as the one who encased Rapunzel in amber. The alchemist who fought his fears in order to save Corona, that kid would never do something like that. Still, he didn't expect... him, to simply smirk, that same threatening smirk he thought -he hoped- he'd never see again on this face. "You know, I never thought you were right when you said that people don't give you enough credit. You are clever, aren't you ?" "What does that mean ?" He was just done talking when the door of the throne room opened with noise. Eugene tried to look behind him to see the source of the noise, in vain : the robot's grip was keeping him from making any movement. However, he had a really good view of Varian raising his head in surprise, before cautiously taking a few steps back, furious eyes staring at... whoever just came in, Eugene guessed. Said person walked closer, as Eugene could tell from the footsteps sounds, before stopping right beside him; turning his head to the side, Eugene saw... Varian. It took his mind a minute to process the information. "Wait wait wait," Eugene narrowed his eyes, "Am I seeing 2 Varians ? Is that- is that some sort of evil twin story, or...?" Varian number 2 didn't react, but Varian number 1's smirk only widened. "I guess you could say that." He did a mocking bow in front of the other two, "I am Varitas, 'the mean one'- because someone has to take the blame, and who's better to replace Varian at it than Varian himself ? You Coronians aren't really creative, you know : get yourself someone else to blame, or even better, an actual justice system." It took all of Eugene's might not to give in and harshly tell him that he was absolutely guilty for what he had done to everyone; he barely restrained himself from doing so, realization hitting him hard. That was what that Varitas guy wanted. He had been provoking him since the beginning, trying to push him to his limits; and although Eugene wasn't really one to give in to anger, what could that kind of behavior do to someone who would, someone whose guilt would make them an easy prey ? For example, someone who definitely would be the target of his own double... Oh no. "I'm so-sorry..." Varian whispered, his voice cracking. His glassy eyes were filled with tears that streamed down his cheeks, highlighting how unusually pale he was, or how dark and big the bags under his eyes were in contrast. "It's all my fault..." "Kid-no. This is not your fault, none of it is." Eugene insisted. Varian clearly seemed exhausted, on the verge of breaking down, and with all of that accumulated guilt ready to burst free, he was basically an emotional time bomb. A really, really unstable emotional time bomb that could possibly become a problem if nothing was done to calm him down before. When did that start ? Why hadn’t he noticed before, why hadn’t he done anything to protect Varian ? Varian didn’t react, clearly not believing him; it broke Eugene’s heart to see him in such a state. Of course, that's the moment Varitas chose to speak up. "You're right, Eugene : it's not his fault nor is it mine, but it is actually yours, it has always been. I know how talented you are all in the field of lies and deceit and breaking promises, but you have to be incredibly good to make him believe that you actually care about him and are his friends without him ever questioning it. Again." Varian shivered, looking down at the ground, and Eugene could only imagine the thoughts going through his head; anger and guilt and feeling of betrayal and self-loathing, all of them feeding a dangerous hatred that was definitely what Varitas was planning to use. Oh, how much Eugene hated that Varitas kid. He hated him for taking Rapunzel away, for torturing Varian; he hated how powerless he felt. "If you know us as well as you say you do, then you should also know these are not lies." Eugene growled, but Varian once again didn’t react. Varitas only rolled his eyes, fully aware that he was in control of the situation. "Oh, you are good- but thank you for proving my point." He then turned to Varian, and Eugene tensed up. Whatever he had planned, Eugene feared the kid wasn't in a good enough state to fight against. "I'm sorry I started without you," Varitas smiled, something almost warm, outstretching his hand towards Varian, "but you can still join me and serve justice, like we wanted to." Unlike his kind words, his tone was very clear : obey, or face the consequences. Varian stared at Varitas' hand for a moment, before his glassy eyes moved to the hole in the wall and the destruction beyond, then to the amber and finally, to Eugene. Eugene's heart ached as he met Varian's eyes. The raging storm of the kid's emotions was frightening, and Varian seemed completely lost. Eugene wanted to reassure him, to tell him that these were all lies, that none of it was true, that they did care about him- but he also wasn’t stupid. “Please, kid... Don’t...” Was all Eugene said, because he saw in these eyes that Varian... Varian would not believe him, or anything else he’d say. That Varitas's poisoned words, playing with Varian's deepest fears and guilt, had already had their effect on the kid. Where was he when Varian needed him ? Why was he stuck, unable to help when the kid needed him the most ? Varitas was right- just like before, he couldn't give Varian the help he so desperately needed. Varian stared at him for a while longer, before looking back at Varitas. Extending his hand, he took the other's in his own. Then, harshly pulling Varitas forward, he threw in the latter's face a green ball that exploded in a flash of blinding light. Varitas immediately shoved Varian away, rubbing his eyes with his hands; his hiss of pain morphed into a low chuckle. "Alright, looks like you've made your choice..." Eugene felt his heart drop as the two other automatons -the ones not currently holding Eugene- walked toward the alchemist, responding to Varitas's order. He knew his friend hardly stood a chance; above all, he knew Varian was fighting a losing battle, because he himself didn’t even know what he was fighting for, or if he wanted to. It was clear as day that Varian was fighting back like a wounded animal, with the energy of despair, and that this would end very badly. Eugene tried once again to free himself, even if he knew there was no way he could get out. Varian acted quickly, trapping the first automaton's feet in goo, effectively stopping him. Varitas threw at him a green ball that Varian barely managed to avoid; not fast enough to recover, the alchemist couldn't dodge a hit from the second automaton that made him fall to the ground. Not wasting any time, Varian sent a pink ball on the second automaton, trapping him the same way; he however didn't see the third ennemy attacking him from behind. "Watch out !!" Eugene stopped struggling a moment to yell in alarm. Varian startled and turned around just in time to catch Varitas's wrists, keeping him from using his knife- because yes, he had a knife, a real one. "Why are you fighting for them ?!" Varitas shouted, furious. "They are responsible for Dad being encased, for all of our woes- you should want to serve justice ! You used to want that, so why would you believe their lies again ?!" Varian didn't answer, simply staring at the knife held right between the two of them. "It was the price to pay to become their friend again, wasn't it ? Ha- you're pathetic. They will betray you just like they already did, and the worst of all is that they'll be right : you'll have no one to blame but yourself, for being stupid enough to trust them again." Varitas's eyes were filled with disgust, sadness. No answer. Varian's grip loosened a bit, his face reflecting some hesitation. “Varian, no- don’t listen to him ! He’s trying to get in your head !!” The alchemist no longer seemed to be able to hear him, his attention entirely focused on Varitas. Eugene’s voice was only a quiet noise, drowned out by Varitas’s own voice and Varian’s thoughts. "I hope you're happy. I hope you'll believe their lies that make you think that this is what's best for you, this is what you have always wanted. You won : enjoy your golden cage, Varian." "Kid !!" Eugene shouted, alarmed, and that finally snapped Varian out of it. Kicking his opponent, the alchemist made Varitas fall backwards; the latter harshly hit the ground, his grip loosening on the knife. Eugene watched with horror as the alchemist quickly took the knife from Varitas and held it at the other's throat. "Don’t do that Varian ! You are angry- we all are kid, but killing him isn't the solution !" "He's right," Varitas added, "You can go ahead and kill me, but that won't change anything. You know that I'm right, and getting rid of me won't change the truth." Varian gritted his teeth, his grip getting just the tiniest bit firmer on the knife, and Varitas let a vicious smile appear on his lips. "You and me, we're just good for destruction, hurting others, taking the blame. I know it, they know it : that's why they let you down, and will let you down again. There's no denying it anymore, Varian. If you don't kill me, I will just keep destroying everything, and you'll be to blame for not stopping me when you had the chance : but if you do stop me, that you dare kill me if you’re even able to, then you will become the villain, the murderer, the mean one, because neither of us are part of the people whose faults are all forgiven. No matter what you choose, you will lose, just like I kept telling you." Varian stared at Varitas as he was talking, unable to stop listening to him. He knew he shouldn't listen or even consider his words, but something in them struck a chord within him, reaching doubts he tried to muffle, thoughts he tried to get rid of and amplifying them to the point that he could no longer ignore them or bury them again; and even though he thought he could hear Eugene's voice, he couldn't actually hear his words. Varitas smirked, knowing that despite the appearances, he had the upper hand. Reaching in his pocket, he got out a purple ball. "It's over, Varian." The alchemist's eyes widened in realization as the ball hit the ground, exploding and covering the whole room in a cloud of purple smoke. Eugene felt his blood froze in his veins as he heard fighting noises, the sound of metal clashing against skin and a cry of pain, then a body hitting the ground; and after that, nothing. In the heavy silence that followed, the cloud slowly escaped the room through the hole in the wall, joining its peers in the sky. Eugene then saw with horror a body lying on the ground in a puddle of blood. Standing next to him, its double was panting, holding without trembling the knife stained with blood. At that single moment, a terrible truth dawned on Eugene who felt his heart come to a stop. Even if it was impossible to distinguish the twins, one thing remained certain : one of them was now dead, killed by the other. And therefore, it didn't matter which one came out a winner in this battle, because the result was the same either way. Varitas had won, and their Varian was gone.

[zeninsama]

“i was trapped in the hatred and your life seemed so awesome, i never thought for a second my voice was in your head” im throwing up

the girl so confusing remix but it’s dabi and shouto. i need to sit with this