#i was thinking about this family earlier and wanted to focus on them to get my head back in the game.

[merakimoonglade]

A Night of Longing and Loneliness, Chapter 3: Elain

Summary: It's been almost a year since the war with Hybern ended and Nesta Archeron distanced herself from her family and the Inner Circle. After they both have rough nights, Elain Archeron and Cassian find themselves alone at the townhouse and bonding over loss and feelings of not quite unrequited love.

3 chapters, 3 POVs: Cassian, Azriel, and Elain.

Chapter: 3 of 3

Excerpt:

Elain feels like she’s breathless spinning across a ballroom, the engraved porcelain dish perched carefully along her forearm as light as a silk glove as she glides through the garden towards a wrought iron table and a large, possibly sleeping Illyrian.

I did it. I put my hand on his and he smiled. How he smiled! If she was alone she would dance around the courtyard. 

Cassian stirs as she rounds the table. His half-closed eyes narrow even more to focus on the dessert. “Let me take that,” he says, his words thick with lethargy. 

There’s a wrenching pain in Elain’s chest as he sets the heavy dish on the table with a delicacy she suspects most wouldn’t believe the Lord of Bloodshed capable of while sober let alone so unabashedly drunk. It’s only the third time she’s seen Cassian truly intoxicated but tonight is by far the worst. She doesn’t fault him though the irony isn’t lost on her. She wishes Azriel arrived home earlier so the brothers could spar like they usually do when one of them needs to empty their mind. It wouldn’t have bothered her if they went to the training pit at the House of Wind without her even though they usually take her along. To see the person you love look so happy to see you then turn and be so deliberately cruel? She hasn’t experienced his exact situation but she’s too familiar with the desire for a reprieve until it feels like the knife is lodged in your stomach instead of your heart.

At least Nesta only appeared somewhat happy to have run into her and only after Elain said she would make her favorite foods if she came to dinner. Now that she has a little distance she sees how she overlooked her sister’s obvious disinterest because she was so excited to see her. Elain only hopes Nesta doesn’t think Cassian was somehow acting on her behalf when they accidentally spotted each other and that was why she lashed out at him. She feels sick each time she thinks about how she might have caused either of them pain.

Cassian snatches a loose piece of the crumble’s topping and winks. “Couldn’t resist,” he says, flashing her his usual cheeky grin.

Elain lightly swats at his hand with the flat side of the serving knife when he goes for one of raspberries dotting the edges of the dish, her attempt at decoration. Though the twins say otherwise she knows she hasn’t mastered the skill of making something simple look as elegant as they do. “You can wait one minute,” she tells him with a laugh. 

Cassian flops back into his chair holding his hands up in mock surrender. 

Cutting into the dessert, Elain hums the song that’s been trapped in her mind the last few months. She heard it as she, Nuala, and Cerridwen walked to the twins’ favorite restaurant, a tiny place just outside the Rainbow. The song was so lovely, so hauntingly romantic Elain had to stop and listen. It was the first time in ages she savored music; she wishes Nesta and Azriel had been there because they would have been enthralled. If only the twins hadn’t hurried her to get a table she would have asked the violinist for the song’s name or if there was sheet music. It made her want to practice the piano, something she hasn’t done since before she became Fae. It made her want to learn violin, then it made her smile when she realized she now had the time to learn anything she wanted. 

Something that feels like sparkling wine bubbles float through Elain as Azriel moves silently behind her. His deep, velvet voice joins her for the next few notes, so low they might be mistaken for the flutter of leaves. The warm scales of his flying leathers brush against her forearm making her skin pebble as he places his plate and the whipped cream on the table. The leathery edge of his wing skims her shoulder when he reaches into the darkness just beyond the faelight and pulls out a carafe of water then three glasses from the shadows. She forgets not to stare when Azriel takes the seat on her left, inching it closer to her before he tightly tucks his considerable wings against his back to slide into the space allotted for them. If he has a choice he always uses the chaise, pulling it next to her at the table. His wings are so big they only fit in the chairs if he holds them close to his body and never relaxes; his muscles always cramp if he sits in them too long. 

Continue on A03. 🌺 Start from the beginning.

[crownrots]

🐉 PRINCESS RHAELA TARGARYEN (75 AC - 108 AC) (template by @kanos)

↳ Rhaela Targaryen was born in 75 AC to Prince Aemon Targaryen and his wife, Jocelyn Baratheon. She is the younger twin sister of Princess Raenessa Targaryen, and youngest sibling to Princess Rhaenys Targaryen.

Not so affectionally dubbed 'The Wild Targaryen' in her youth, Rhaela was always a wealth of energy and trouble. Her antics were felt far and wide, yet, all who had the fortune (or misfortune, to some) of being in her presence found her zest for life and revelry to be infectious.

In 87 AC, at the age of 12, she took the war dragon once ridden by her ancestor ,Daegon Targaryen, to mount. She and Rovni were inseparable, wreaking havoc in the Stormlands during her hosted stays by her mother's family. Though, a slow acting illness grounded her for the last years of her life, she and the dragon were remembered for their unshakable bond and shared, fierce spirit.

Scandals seemed to follow the wild and spirited woman wherever she went, one such occurring in 94 AC when she fell pregnant with her first and only child. The father was unknown to most, and kept secret by a few, though, many whispered that the aforementioned parent may have been her older sister's husband, Lord Corlys Velaryon; his name was just one whispered among many.

Motherhood did little to dampen the wild sprit of hers, the new mother determined for her daughter, Eraesella, to live just as freely and fearlessly as she had. As her illness worsened over the years, Rhaela and her young daughter were offered space in High Tide by her sister, Rhaenys, giving the young bastard a chance to grow up with a privilege few received.

By the start of of 106 AC, Rhaela and her young daughter had found themselves in King's Landing as guests of her cousin King Viserys I. He had appointed the best healers in all the realm to ensure that his "favorite cousins" comfort was prioritized.

In 108 AC, at the age of 33, The Wild Targaryen took her last flight upon her beloved dragon, flanked by her sisters and her fourteen year old daughter, mounted upon their own dragons.

Those closest to her and those lucky enough to have found themselves in her presence wept for days after her death. It is said by many that her dragon let loose a roar so sorrowful and powerful that it shook the very ground they stood upon as her funeral pyre was lit. The great dragon, Rovni, would not be seen for years after that, some believing he went into hiding to mourn the loss of yet another rider.

Rhaela Targaryen's untamable spirit lives on in those she touched so deeply, especially her daughter, Eraesella Storm.

[hecksupremechips]

Literally feeling sooooo horrible and hopeless oh boy 🌝

[moondirti]

working at a hardware store, you're too familiar with the odd customer. couples who come in with specifications so detailed, you can only imagine they're for kink purposes; women old enough to be knocked out by the fumes of the paint they purchase, looking to remodel after their husbands passing; men on the verge of a mid-life crises, more devoted to their lawns than they are their families. and though it takes a couple hours of dedicated customer service to get them out the door, satisfied with their purchase, that comes with the job that sees you paid. so it's not so bad. generally fine.

a one and done sort of thing.

(of course, that's because none of them hold a candle to this freak.)

cargo net, nylon cordage, duct tape, disinfectant. all that's missing is a shovel, and the police wouldn't fault you for calling this purchase in.

"moving?" you ask, tongue lashing against your best interests in face of the oppressive presence across the counter. a monster of a man, almost too big to fit through the store. thick arms and neck, a healthy serving of fat over every muscle, filling the space of his shirt beyond what it was sewn to handle. the camo balaclava is both ridiculous and an essential component to the intimidation he strikes in you, framing a set of eyes that squint at your remark.

(jesus, you didn't think people like him existed in real life.)

he looks like he's about to bite back, but decides against it.

"hunting." he says, then nudges the objects towards you like he has somewhere urgent to be at 10 pm. but okay, fine, you can take a hint. you scan the suspicious list of things and tally up his total.

"uh, 85 quid. thanks."

"bloody extortionate." the man mutters, stacking his purchases upon one, curled arm, before throwing a pink note your way.

nonplussed, you don't notice the offence immediately. the matter of payment is instead superseded by his offhand exit, his shoulder shoving open the door, head bowing to shrug out. and you watch as he walks across the parking lot, long strides taking him there in three steps, and watch as he slips around the brick perimeter. only then does your stomach settle.

but at that point, it's far too late.

50 pounds stare smugly up at you.

that asshole underpaid you.

by the grace of the gods (your manager), your shift ends soon after. it's a wonder you manage to get to your car at all, migraine splitting your skull in two. though it should be doing something to alleviate the pain, all your body wants to focus on is the lightened bulk of your wallet, now missing 35 quid after paying the difference out of pocket.

you take the time once you're seated to smash a fist repeatedly onto your steering wheel.

"fucking fuck! cock sucking bastard, son of a bitch!"

the screaming, though cathartic, drills your sorrows further into your head. you're temporarily blinded when your head slams back onto the headrest, phosphenes overwhelming your vision. little stars, ropes, knives and dots dancing over the windscreen.

it's a miracle you're able to discern the eyes in your rearview mirror as real.

"well, which is it?" the brute from earlier derides. his hand comes over your jaw, big enough to trap the whole lower half of your face in his grip. tucks his pinky under your chin, too, the makeshift muzzle keeping you from biting. it's all you can do to breath — long, filtered gulps of air, the space between his fingers smelling of salt. something sticky smears onto your nose. "am i a bastard, or the son of a bitch?"

not a one and done thing, then.

[loveemagicpeace]

⭐️🎸Astrology Notes🌙🫧

Men's who has capricorn in personal planets grow up faster and they mature earlier. They have more energy, a father, a guardian. They are very responsible and serious. These are the fathers who will do anything for their child and want to do things right. They are very careful and do not get into something if they do not see a future here and are also more focused on themselves and their work.

Sagittarius rising- in reality they are very sad people inside. They make the best jokes and you will always feel positive and happy with them, but they often wear a mask that they show to others, but only to the people they trust the most, or sometimes even to those they don't. In their sidereal chart they have scorpio rising which means that this makes their interior very deep and emotional but hidden from the outside world.

Scoprio rising mixed with Gemini, will be very open, talkative and talk a lot. Geminis like to talk about things, they are curious, and sometimes they say more than they should. Therefore, such a person can betray many secrets of other people without realizing it or feeling a bad conscience.

I think a men who has mars in 8th house in very mysterious. This position is often marked by deep passions, transformative energy, and a mysterious aura. Men with Mars in the 8th house are driven by a deep and intense passion in all areas of their lives. Sex is very important part of him. There is often a strong desire for power and control, especially over shared resources, emotional connections, and even other people. He can often be subject to jealousy and intense behavior. But he doesn't show it from the beginning. I noticed that many times they test the other person's behavior and that they want to know their step.

Chiron sextile Ascendant-People naturally feel drawn to you when they need emotional support because you emanate a sense of understanding and compassion. This aspect suggests that you've likely experienced deep emotional or psychological wounds in your life, but you have learned to grow from them. Through facing and overcoming your struggles, you've gained a deeper understanding of yourself, which you can share with others. With this aspect, you are deeply empathetic, often able to sense the pain or struggles of others without them having to say much. There's a tendency to be drawn toward others who need healing, and you may feel a strong urge to help them. While Chiron sextile Ascendant often means you are aware of your wounds, it's important not to overly identify with them or let them define you.

Chiron trine Ascendant-People may feel comfortable opening up to you about their struggles, as your own experiences with pain or hardship have made you empathetic and understanding. You tend to present yourself as authentic and vulnerable, which draws people in and makes them feel connected to you. You aren't afraid to show your scars or talk about your past difficulties, and this openness makes you relatable and trustworthy. You tend to attract people who need healing or who have been wounded in similar ways as you. You'll need to be mindful of not taking on too much of other people's pain, as this can lead to burnout or emotional exhaustion.

I have noticed with Virgos, especially when someone has them in their personal planets, that they are minimalist in terms of style, clothes, etc. Let's say: they buy one piece and then combine the whole outfit with this piece. They often buy in pieces and are usually always color coordinated and never wear more than 2 colors.

If u don't have 5th house synastry with another person at all probability they will not have children. Because this is the house that represents children, childbirth, etc. And when you don't share this house with someone, you don't even see the desire to have children with that person, and the focus is usually on several other things.

The 4th house represents a family (but it does not necessarily represent a family with children. It is more of a home that you want to create for yourself or with your partner, and when you share this house with someone, there are also more chances that you will create a home together and also aspects with the moon indicate that you and the person can move together.

People who have many virgo placements or 6th houses often vomit. They are very prone to vomiting and have a sensitive stomach. They are very sensitive to new food (for example, if they try food that they have never tried before, it can quickly affect their stomach). They usually do not tolerate alcohol well. And they usually don't drink a certain drink or eat a certain food because it just doesn't suit them.

Difference between libra sun and libra rising - libra sun are more proud in love and when it comes to love. They are decisive about what they want and who they want in love. Because they are ruled by the sun and that is their ego and they can have a bigger ego. But they are also very serious, stable, always looking for some stability in love. Many differences, their view of love is completely different. Libra rising are sometimes too indecisive and in love with the idea of love. Maybe sometimes the idea that they can have someone and sometimes that's why they come across the wrong partner. They have to be more careful with who they get involved with, because they have an Aries in the 7th house and they can get a partner who ends up taking a lot away from them. When you're with someone who has the same sun as you, they have the same ego about the same things, so sometimes it's good if your sun is different from your partner's. Let's say: libra & libra sun will both have egos when it comes to love. Taurus & taurus sun are stubborn about values, money, materialism, changes.

Venus in Capricorn people if they really love you, they will stay and won't let you go. If they don't see a future with you, they won't stay with you for long (because they don't like to waste time). Which means that if they see you for several months, they see a future. Also they are not complicated. They appreciate mature people and intelligent people. They like people who have self-respect. But they are very careful in love.

It is very important to have compatible mercury in synastry. Because that's how you can find a common language. And you can mentally connect with someone in a more deep way. When you have a different mercury, it means that you and the person find it difficult to find a common language.

When you have 12th house placements you are more connected to your subconscious world. You feel things much more. You can manifest things faster and you can connect more with your other world.

2nd house shows that you value a lot of material things. And that when someone buys you a gift or anything, you always save it and have it with you.

Saturn in the eighth resists transformations, which is why the older astrologers associated this placement with a difficult death. It is not so much a sign of a difficult death as of resistence to the idea of any kind of change.

In contrast, the ninth house symbolizes those mental functions that reach out to deal with whatever is not routine or day-to-day. It is the house through which come new ideas, perceptions, and modes of thinking: a house of consciousness expansion. This is also universal house, which means that people with this placements are more connected to the universe. It is traditionally associated with long journeys, as opposed to the short journeys of the third. Long journeys place one in an unfamiliar situation and hence expand ones consciousness.

The tenth house signifies all relationships between oneself and another in which there is inequality: where one person plays a dominant role to the other, who explicitly or implicitly takes the role of a child or dependent. The essence of such a relationship is that the person taking the dominant role teaches or guides the other. The inequality inherent in these relationships is usually normal and proper rather than pathological. The superior knowledge of the guide figure and the guidance being given are useful and necessary to the one receiving them. Saturn as chart ruler represents in your life some guidelines. He sends you people who are like "saturn people" who give you some advice or teach you something. A reason to better understand life. Saturn gives you hints on how to find what you are looking for and how to achieve it.

When you have Cancer Moon, you will always remember your entire life from early childhood to adulthood. As if to browse the memory back and forth and relive the feelings of that moment. You also have a strong intuition. And you are emotionally quick to judge people, and your memory is essentially an emotional impression. You will remember the feeling of a person, an event, things and happenings. Memories leave an emotional imprint on your heart. Unlike, say, the Capricorn Moon, they are a practical sign. They will always remember how much you did for them, time is very important to them, how much time you took for them (especially they remember actions). An air moon like, for example, a Gemini, they give a lot to communication, words and will remember events based on what someone told them. Then we have a fiery moon, say Sagittarius moon. They will remember their energy and experience feelings based on the energy that the person gives them

-Rebekah🦋🌙🫧

[nenoname]

Parallels and contrasts between Stan and Bill in the new book and website

Aka miscellaneous thoughts that I'm too lazy to condense into something comprehensible– what you see is what you get folks! (Book stuff, DVD commentaries! The website that came out when I was trying to write this out and is now making me pull my hair out! But in like a good way? That god damn poem!)

not necessarily same coin stuff but I sure am thinking about it.

It’s been said that a large part of Ford’s relationships with Bill, Fiddleford and Dipper was him trying to fill a hole that his estrangement with Stan had left, with none of them clicking in that same way. Dipper was directly compared to Fiddleford as someone who was completely charmed by Ford but is ultimately too anxious of a person to properly deal with the life he's offering nor pull him back when he starts going too far. Meanwhile, Bill is more analogous to Stan but to the extreme with all the doubts that Ford had been fed about Stan (that he was using him, he never grew up, he betrayed him, sabotaged the machine on purpose) turning out to be exactly true with Bill.

The book has Bill saying flat out that Ford wanted the charisma Bill had and then shows that at the peak of Ford's loneliness he was being envious of Stan's charisma, social skills and hands.

[STANLEY COULD HAVE MADE HER LAUGH]

(There’s an irony that Stan always thought that Ford was the popular twin even after doing embarrassing stuff like the kissing machine – if you haven’t seen the Swine Before Time Stan commentary get going, it’s great)

Then Bill swoops in with jokes and endless encouragement and the nickname only Stan used for him, all this in a way tailored for Ford to immediately like him while also reminding him of Stan but "better."

(The show rarely used it but Bill’s use of Sixer is extremely frequent in Journal 3 alone but the comics solidify it as being a pretty personal childhood nickname that kid!Stan used as his default way to call Ford.)

And then you see all of this working because Ford straight up writes Bill’s words using Stan's handwriting (and it turns out that Ford’s capital letter ‘for emphasis/angry’ font in general is the same as Stan’s handwriting too)

(It’s important to note that this is different from all the fonts that Bill uses for himself!)

All of this leads to the deja vu of Ford getting stabbed in the back by someone he was codependent on over a machine he thought was going to change his life for the better

Other things in the book that I’ve seen others point out and noticed myself:

Bill trying to reinforce that Ford would be alone without him, and threatening to tell Stan that Ford never loved him but the first thing Stan does in his letter is tell Ford that he loves him with their childhood code

Stan also only uses ‘Sixer’ in his letter when he normally tends to use a mix of nicknames post-Weirdmaggedon (sure it’s only twice but idk I find it noticeable)

Stan ripped a dollar in half when Bill taunted the reader earlier about how they wouldn’t do that

The promo photo vs the one in the book, Ford’s face being untouched vs Stan’s. While I initially interpreted this as “Bill’s book being a way to torment Ford” and then “him ending up having a meltdown at the thought of Stan”, the new poem kinda gives off an ominous vibe of "him moving on to focus on Stan instead whether he wants to or not"

Ford writing “miss you” in the bro code soon after arriving at Backupsmore which is shown in the Fiddleford photo, then Bill taunting Ford that he misses him

Bill and Stan now have another parallel of losing everything because of a genuine mistake but only Stan was willing to work to make up for it while Bill doubled down and became far far worse

The utter hatred Bill has for Stan being able to win in the end and get back his family

Both of them being institutionalized, with Stan’s mentioned in Guide to Mystery and Nonstop Fun (which has references to Bill liking Mabel for her chaos, silly straws, etc. Also Dipper basically came up with the Author theory but slightly wrong from theorising about the ink blot like a year before the Ford reveal)

(saturn devouring his son perfectly depicts my emotions when reaching this part of the book)

(EDIT: I was thinking about how Bill giving Ford three days to open the portal striked me as odd for some reason... and then I remembered;

Stan gave Mabel 3 days for their bet as well. Both of them specifically say 72 hours too.)

And now for the stuff we know from the website:

Bill having severe family issues with daddy issues implied since only his mum is mentioned directly with her trying to comfort him as a kid vs Stan having severe family issues with a definite focus on his dad while his mum was the only one to ask about Stan during that meeting with the principal and her being the only one to show up to his funeral

Both of them wear their dad’s hat despite of all of this

Bill starting a billion cults and has a lawyer called Multilevel Mark, Stan having his Scientology-esque cult being shot down by irl Disney and as a kid having his “technically a pyramid scheme” comic being shot down by a publisher

(I doubt that Stanentology would’ve gotten far but also you can see that a trend that the main way Bill gathers followers is by reading minds and revealing secrets only the victim would know, so let's hope that Disney-let-him-start-a-cult AU Stan never gets mind reading abilities)

Despite how we know how Stan is traumatised as hell from losing Ford, it’s noticeably isn’t referred directly in the Wheel of Shame (like you can’t tell me that the time between pushing Ford into the portal and starting the Shack isn’t as rock bottom as it gets, Bill literally recognises Stan in the first place by thinking about his brand). This probably is because Bill knows that they managed to repair their relationship and he’s fucking pissed about it.

There's further parallels between Stanley and Bill in poem; with lies and redemption and home, and further association with fire for the both of them

“Saw his own dimension burn.

Misses home and can't return.”

“Always dragged his family down.

One mistake, disowned, denied,

Only thing to do was hide.”

“One way out: the open road.

Reinvent, retry, reload.

A girdle, eyepatch, fathers fez,

"I'm a new man!" so he says”

“One way to absolve his crime.

A different form, a different time”

“His big break, it finally came,

Redemption from a life of shame.”

“Says he's happy. He's a liar.”

“Truth is just whatever sells.

When you've lost track of your lies,”

“Lie until you aren’t lying anymore”

Bill in a rotting corpse of a snake oil salesman

This triangle can fit so much self-loathing projection while being a hater

(Also it's funny that Bill is so insistent that Ford had to be the one who came up with the plan

Like look at this

See ‘em cogs turning in Stan’s head while Ford has clearly given up hope)

“How dare he dress up fancy when his jokes suck!!”

There's a parallel of Ford projecting onto Dipper in a way that makes him feel like kindred spirits with his nephew but Stan projects on Dipper in a way that causes him to be more harsh even if he has good intentions. Meanwhile Bill projects onto Ford in a more positive light in comparison to Stan, who in this case Bill wants to rip him and himself into shreds whenever he thinks of the guy. Bill’s shared love for fun/chaos with Mabel (despite them being so different at their core) is why he likes her the most out of all the Pines but that doesn’t stop him from trying to murder her (although I think most folks don’t know about that interview where Alex was like “yeah, I think Bill would’ve burnt Ford alive the moment he got the equation, he’s done playing with his toys at that point”)

Other tidbits:

I find it interesting that the full version of the Wheel of Shame has blue sparks and fades to grey scale (which automatically reminded me of his mindscape)

Stan signing off as Stanley in the book – this ain’t anything huge to chew on I'm just very over emotional about this… but also there’s Bill being called Billy by his family/in the codes

Ford thinking of Stan as childish/someone who never grew up and then we get hit by “yeah Ford always had some part of himself stuck at 18” oof

Ford underestimating Stan’s control over the mindscape, not knowing that he’s able to hide memories in Dreamscaperers, manipulate the layout of his mindscape enough to trick Bill and memory!Stan telling Dipper how to use the mindscape which Bill was genuinely surprised by

I'm headcanoning that Stan doing so bad at that history test is due to some latent bs from what Bill knows which is all crazy conspiracy level stuff

I think it's also intensely funny that all of the Pines promise that they'll murder Bill if they ever see him again and then they immediately turn to Stan and go “now it's your turn to write a letter! :D!!”

(I feel like the main requirement that the Theraprism has for Bill before he can reincarnate is mainly acknowledging his family idk which honestly would fit even better if his soul becomes Stan’s)

EDIT: I FORGOT TO MENTION THE OUROBOROS PASSWORD (or... uh oroborous which is a typo when theres a suspicious amount on the site which may mean somethng but i digress) anyway that leads to the Shack Axolotl lore where it bluntly states that Ford released it despite it showing up 30 years later anyway

and theres....

[fanfictionismyaddiction]

hii I don’t know if you are doing requests but if you are could you please do one with toto Wolff x wife reader where she’s just given birth and her in-laws make fun of her or give her mean comments and she gets all upset but doesn’t tell toto to keep the family peace but he finds out and gets a tad upset at her for hiding it but he rips his family a new one please please!!

Unconditional Support

Word Count: 999

Pairing: Toto Wolff x wife!reader

Summary: Y/n shares her vulnerability after giving birth, revealing the hurtful comments from Toto's family that make her question her worth, prompting Toto to confront them with fierce protectiveness

I don't speak Polish so if something isn't right pleas let me know so i can change it.

Also my requests are still open

______________________________________________________________

Toto stood at the window, the hospital room filled with a serene quiet. You rocked the baby gently in your arms, trying to focus on the peaceful moment, but your mind kept drifting back to the things his family had said. Every comment felt like a dagger, cutting deeper than you’d let yourself admit. You’d spent so much time second-guessing your own reactions, wondering if you were being too sensitive—just like your ex-friends and ex-boyfriend had always claimed.

But this felt different. You had just given birth. You were vulnerable, exposed, and instead of support, all you got was veiled judgment.

Toto turned around, sensing your unease. He crossed the room in a few strides, sitting beside you on the bed, his hand resting on your knee. "What’s wrong?" he asked softly, his dark eyes filled with concern. "You’re not yourself."

You tried to smile, to push it down, but the weight of it all was pressing on you too hard. "I don’t know," you whispered. "I don’t want to make it a big deal. Maybe I’m overthinking things. Maybe I’m just being sensitive."

Toto frowned, his grip on your knee tightening slightly. "Sensitive about what?"

You hesitated, the words sticking in your throat. But the memory of Eva’s voice, sharp and critical, wouldn’t leave your mind.

"Your mom…" you started slowly, "she said, *‘Ach, du siehst müde aus’* (Oh, you look tired), and I know I *am* tired, but the way she said it—it wasn’t just concern. It was like I was already failing somehow. Like I should be doing more, looking better. I’ve just had a baby, and instead of asking how I feel, she’s telling me I look bad."

Toto’s jaw clenched, but you continued, the words pouring out now.

"And then Katharina, she didn’t even say congratulations before she looked me up and down and said, *‘You’ll want to lose the baby weight quickly, right? There’s a Pilates instructor in Vienna…’* I know I’ve gained weight—of course I have, I just carried a child—but she made me feel like it’s a race to get rid of it. Like my worth is tied to how fast I look ‘normal’ again."

Your voice wavered, but you pushed on. "And Margit—she took the baby right out of my hands and said, *‘Das ist nicht richtig. Soll ich es dir zeigen?’* (That’s not right. Should I show you?) I was trying my best, and she acted like I didn’t even know how to hold my own baby. I already feel like I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, and she just made me feel… useless."

Toto stood up, his face dark with anger. He started pacing, his fists clenching and unclenching. "Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?" he demanded, his voice sharp. "Why did you let them say those things to you?"

"I didn’t want to cause problems," you said quietly, your gaze dropping to the floor. "I thought… maybe I was just seeing it wrong, like I always do. Maybe I was interpreting everything too negatively again. But the more I think about it, the more I realize… it wasn’t okay. They made me feel small. Like I wasn’t good enough."

Toto stopped pacing, his expression hardening. "You were right. They were out of line. I’m not letting this slide."

Before you could stop him, he grabbed his phone, his fingers flying over the screen as he found his mother’s number.

"Toto, wait," you pleaded, "don’t make this worse—"

But his face was set, determined. He brought the phone to his ear, speaking in rapid Polish as soon as his mother picked up. "Mamo, musimy porozmawiać." (Mom, we need to talk.)

You could hear the faint sound of his mother’s voice on the other end, but Toto’s expression didn’t soften.

"Nie, nie później. Teraz." (No, not later. Now.)

He glanced at you, his eyes blazing with a protective fury. "Dlaczego mówili takie rzeczy do Y/n?" (Why did they say those things to Y/n?) His voice was cold, demanding answers.

You watched, feeling torn between relief and anxiety as Toto continued to tear into his mother over the phone. You couldn’t understand everything, but the tone was unmistakable—he was furious, and he wasn’t going to let this slide. He paced back and forth, his voice low and dangerous as he spoke in quick bursts of Polish, likely recounting every hurtful comment you had shared with him.

After a few moments, his voice softened slightly, but his anger was still clear. "Nie obchodzi mnie, czy miały dobre intencje. Nie pozwolę, żeby tak traktowali moją żonę." (I don’t care if they meant well. I won’t let them treat my wife like that.)

He paused, listening to his mother’s response, before he sighed, rubbing his hand over his face in frustration. "To musi się skończyć. Teraz." (This has to stop. Now.)

He hung up the phone, his face still tense, and turned back to you. "I’ve told them," he said, his voice softer now but still firm. "They won’t be speaking to you like that again."

You looked down, guilt flooding through you. "I didn’t mean for this to turn into a big thing…"

Toto knelt beside the bed, taking your hand in his. "It’s not your fault. They were out of line, and you deserve better. I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner."

You nodded, tears welling up in your eyes. "I just didn’t want to cause problems. I was so scared I was overreacting."

Toto cupped your face gently, his thumb wiping away a tear that slipped down your cheek. "You’re not overreacting. You’re not being too sensitive. You’re my wife, the mother of our child, and no one gets to make you feel less than the incredible woman you are. Not even my family."

You let out a shaky breath, finally feeling the weight of their comments lift just a little. You had doubted yourself, but Toto was making sure you’d never have to doubt him.

[tarotofhope]

PAC: 𖤐 Advice for your current friendships (+You as a friend) 𖤐

(Please Read My Pinned post *IMPORTANT NOTE* before selecting a Pile)

Pick an Image by meditating and selecting the image you feel called to. You can be attracted towards more than 1 image. If you are not able to select maybe this reading isn't for you.

Pile 1

Cards: The Chariot Rev, The Tower, Page of Swords, 3 of Swords Rev, King Of Wands, 5 of Swords, The Magician.

Welcome to your reading Pile 1.

You are someone who could have a group of friends but only one or two are close to you. You have a very outgoing personality but you have strong values when it comes to friendships. See, you won't give a flying f*** if toxic friends leave your side but you're also not someone who doesn't know how to stay in a friendship. You might unknowingly get stuck in toxic friendships even when your intuition is on point. You know which friend of yours is good/bad but you don't go calling out on them or fight them unnecessarily to get them out of your life. You just simply be yourself and let them be themselves. You let the friendship unfold with time but because of this mindset, you sometimes stay connected for a long time with friends who are backbiters and not your well-wishers from the inside. You are then somehow forced by nature/Universe to leave or let go off such friends. The friends you make are quite the opposite of you. There could be lot of jealousy too because you might be an extrovert, smart, creative and multi-talented person but your friends are not, they are too introverted and defensive. I also think that some of your friends might want to become the main focus of the group and because of this, they don't like this outgoing, cheerful and bold personality of yours, they think you're stealing all of their light.

⊹ You as a Friend :

Cards: Queen of Wands, 9 of Pentacles, 6 of Swords and 8 of Cups.

You are very outgoing, adventurous, active and bold. You might also have good intuition and you're very down to earth but your boldness shines more so people get to see that side of you more. You're a 'no bullshit person' and you would stand your ground and fight when your boundaries are crossed. You choose yourself above toxic friends and relationships. You don't let others ruin your peace of mind. That's very applaudable, Pile 1. But your friends don't understand this, they think you don't value friendships/relationships and that's why it's easy for you to leave but actually you value it a lot, that's why you don't waste your energy with invaluable, backbiting, jealous and toxic friends. You're actually looking for good friends whom you could consider like family in the long run. You are a great friend but your friends tend to misunderstand your intentions a lot. You can also give great advice, you have a great sense of humor, you're reliable and very friendly.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 1.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Pile 2

Cards: The Lovers, Knight of Wands, 10 of Cups, Page of Swords, 7 of Wands, The Star and 3 of Swords.

Welcome to your reading Pile 2.

You are someone who has been betrayed or hurt in friendships earlier so you come off as a bit confused and puzzled and could have mixed feelings about people.

You don't trust people altogether in general because of the hurt.You're afraid that you might get exposed to someone with negative intentions. Your friends, you might have only 2-3 of them, they do love and support you a lot. They seem very outgoing, mature and understanding. I can also see a differently abled person here. It could be you or one of your friends. People might have teased or hurt your feelings many a times. Your friends stand like a pillar/shield in front of you. They don't let other people hurt you. I can also see that you might get many judgemental remarks from other people for which you fight a lot. I'm also seeing that all these friends of yours or atleast one of them consider you as family and they want you to feel the same for them and also it can be that, one of these friends want to become more than a friend or even want to marry you and create a family with you because we got The Lovers and the 10 of Cups. They are very defensive of you and they think you're beautiful and perfectly balanced.

⊹ You as a Friend :

Cards: 8 of Wands, 7 of Cups, Queen of Swords and 3 of Wands.

You are someone very helpful and a humanitarian, Pile 2. Your friends like this about you. You only have 2 or 3 friends and they could be like family to you or they find your friendship very challenging because they think you don't open up to them as much as they do but they do love and support you a lot. One advice for you would be to know that not all people are going to have ill intentions about you. You need to give chance to people in friendships and relationships as well. You know you will be cautious because you've learnt your lesson earlier so you won't let people hurt you again and you also shouldn't leave good friends behind because of fear and confusion. Keep helping people like you always do. Speak more for your rights and beliefs then nobody would dare to hurt you. Your soul demands to be seen and heard. Get out of your comfort zone more and see things falling in place before your eyes.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 2.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Pile 3

Cards: The Magician, 9 of Pentacles, The Hierophant, The Devil, 2 of Swords, Justice, 6 of Cups.

Welcome to your reading Pile 3.

You are stable and perhaps the rich friend. You might yourself have many connections with posh/rich people. You're the friend who would fight tooth and nail for your friends' well being and betterment but I think your friends are just for namesake. They are there but they are not actually there for you, not emotionally. There is this half-heartedness about your friends, as if they won't care if you leave, they think they'll find so many others like you. I'm getting 'friends with benefits' vibes here. You are rich, your friends are rich but there is also this confusion about each other's real intentions. You guys think that money and wealth has brought you guys together otherwise you wouldn't have been friends. Some or all of your friends take you for granted and they don't actually know the value of true friendship. They think you're also like them. You might be wealthy but you're helpful, kind, grounded, stable, reliable and trustworthy.

⊹ You as a Friend :

Cards: Page of Cups, 4 of Wands, 5 of Wands, Queen of Pentacles, Death.

You are very kind and helpful, reliable and caring but you don't show your emotions openly, you show your love by standing by your friends when they need you, giving them advice and helping them. You're into long term friendships and relationships. You consider your friends as family. You invite them at social gatherings and house parties. You even call out your friends whenever they are wrong but you never insult them in front of everyone, you talk to them about it privately. There is this issue that most of your friends want spark, excitement and variety in frienships and relationships, so they might turn their back on you whenever you start to seem less interesting to them. Some of them might even use you for your money and then leave your side. There's an advice for you that you must consider your seriousness in friendships important and valuable and hold it as a criteria to make stable friends. You don't have to have friends just because you're lonely. You might be someone who attracts negative people in your life so you need to be cautious of other people's intentions. If you think that someone is mean or toxic, for the sake of your mental health, please don't try to drag the friendship further, leave it, end it.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 3.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Pile 4

Cards: The Tower, 3 of Pentacles Rev, Wheel of Fortune Rev, 5 of Swords Rev, 3 of Wands, 4 of Wands, The Fool.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 4.

You are the funny friend who was once wasn't funny or the one who never realised they had a great sense of humour. You used to be very serious when you were a child. There maybe some really sad and life-altering experiences which made you the way you are today. You could be someone who's all fun and bubbly when you want to be funny but during serious talks, you are also serious. Your friends might not understand the weight/impact of your hurtful experiences, they are not bad though, infact, they might be good listeners but they don't relate with your tough experiences and so they don't understand your point of view well and also, they might not be able to give you any advice. You, my pile 4 might come off as weird, different and unpredictable to your friends. You might have 2 friends but only one of them could be your best buddy, whom you mostly hang out with, make deep conversations with. Your friend treats you well but the connection between you guys might not look so strong to both of you because you guys don't get to talk and hang out much recently.

⊹ You as a Friend :

Cards: The Sun, 2 of Swords, The Devil clarified by The Star, 2 of Wands, Strength and Hermit Rev.

You are someone who had such friends in your life earlier who gave you a hard time, so now, you've turned into a good mixture of funny and serious. You act like a clown, crack jokes to make your friends laugh, because maybe you were also deprived of a good childhood and you don't want your friends to get bored around you, so you try to be funny, all the things that you never did earlier, you're doing now. You were fated to meet these friends because they play a major role in helping you understand what you actually want in a friendship. I mean to say, they are a good friend but they might not be the one you're meant to stay around your whole life. They might be your well wishers too but you're actually meant to be around such people who would really understand you to your core. Few of you might also belong to the rainbow group, my dear pile 4. You have unique thoughts and very different choices from your friends. You mostly like to stay in solitude but your advice would be to open up and find your community and like-minded people, pile 4.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 4.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Pile 5

Cards: 4 of Wands, 5 of Pentacles, 6 of Pentacles, 9 of Pentacles Rev, 7 of Cups, King of Swords and King of Cups.

Welcome to your reading, Pile 5.

You are someone who is in a constant fight for your peace of mind. You have a good balance of logic, rational thinking and emotional intelligence. You are not biased in your approach. Your friends and you seem to be on the same page as far as your friendship is concerned. You seem to be a loner Pile 5 and so, you might only have one friend who's close to you. You guys help each other when in need. You guys are not the ones to have arguements and fights over petty things. You both are stable and secure. For some of you, your friend seem to be someone who lacks financial security and is constantly working towards that. You guys seem to be indecisive and struggling with different problems on your own. You seem to understand each other well. You don't let anybody say anything bad about your friend. You seem very protective of them. Now, this could be both of you. There is this mutual respect and understanding between you two. No matter how much far you are from each other, you would miss each other and respect each others' boundaries and decisions.

⊹ You as a Friend :

Cards: 9 of Wands, 6 of Cups, 9 of Cups, Chariot, 6 of Swords, 8 of Swords, Magician and Hermit.

You are an overthinker, Pile 5. So, sometimes you tend to imagine worst-case scenarios in your head, overthinking about things which you shouldn't and that could get the best of you. You might have certain serious family issues because of which you go into hiding, or like to be in solitude more, no contact with anybody, nobody knows your whereabouts, nothing. So, your friend might get a bit concerned about this part of you. If you guys are far from each other or don't talk or meet frequently, it seems you, pile 5, do not tell about your problems to your friend just because you don't want to ruin their day. You need emotional satisfaction and understanding, a never ending connection with your dear ones, like a daily dose, if you don't get that enough, you tend to drift away from everyone. You are advised to focus on yourself and your needs first, solve your personal problems and don't let them get to you. The world can wait. True friends will wait too. You should also do some meditation because you might be dealing with a lot of issues which are effing with your mental health.

That's all I got for you, my dear Pile 5.

Love, light, peace and hope to you..🌸🍁🌻🌼

Thank you so much for being here. I post PAC readings every Tuesday and Friday. Do love and support by reblogging, liking or following.

——————————— ♡ ♡ ♡ ———————————

[heizlut]

To Make A Family

cw: none, very romantic and needy

tags: switch fem!reader, switch!xavier, creampie, breeding kink if you squint, xavier takes plushies very seriously lol

nsfw under the cut

m!list here

Another late afternoon is being spent at the arcade’s claw machine with your lover. You excitedly cheer Xavier on when he has a go at the machine who gives you an amused side-eye then turns his focus back to concentrate. He had already won you a cute narwhal plushie earlier but you insisted you needed ‘Fleecy’.

The claw descends and luckily grips onto the little sheep plushie and drops it into the opening. You beam excitedly and Xavier retrieves it. Straightening back up, he holds it out to you with a small smile, “We added new members to our family.” You blush at his words as you now hold onto both plushies. Keeping your eyes on the stuffed animals, you finally speak, your voice barely audible, “What if we started a real family…?”

Xavier’s senses are too sharp for your words to go unheard and he tilts his head slightly, leaning down towards you. He redirected your gaze to him with his gentle fingertips under your chin, “Is that what you’d like?” Your blush deepens as you stare into his deep blue eyes.

“Hmm? Speak up if that’s what you truly desire”, Xavier’s voice is low as he studies your face. All you can manage to do is barely whisper back a yes. A hint of a smile appears on his lips as he straightens up and holds his hand out to you, “Then let’s head home.” You place your hand in his, not entirely sure if he was just entertaining your words or if he was taking you seriously.

Once inside the apartment, Xavier leads you to the bedroom as you clutch your new plushies in one arm. He looks at you with a pondering expression as his eyes flit from you to the various plushies you two had collected together, “Maybe we should move these temporarily… I don’t want to scar their memories.” You pause for a moment and then break into a fit of laughter. Xavier was so serious about his concern for the plushies and you couldn’t help the giggles that came from you.

Xavier frowns slightly, “What’s so funny?” You cover your mouth with one hand as you try to suppress your laughter, “Nothing, it’s just.. I didn’t think you’d care about something like that.” He tilts his head again, “Why wouldn’t I?” More giggles slip out, “Okay okay, let’s just.. put them on the floor for now.” You help him gather the array of plushies and laugh again when Xavier is so careful when setting each one down, earning you another small frown.

After each one was placed on the floor, Xavier sits on the bed with his back against the headboard. You join him, straddling his lap as you settle against him. For a moment, the two of you simply look at each other before you break the silence, “Are you really serious about this?” The corners of his lips tug upwards as he nods once, “Yes. It’s something that you want and in turn, I want it as well.” Xavier pauses, looking at the plushies on the ground and then back to you, “I… think it would be nice.”

His blue eyes fall on yours and trail to your lips. He reaches up and gently rubs his thumb against your bottom lip and whispers, “Tell me this is really what you want…” You press a kiss to the pad of his thumb and leans close to his lips, “I want this… Truly.”

That’s all it takes for Xavier’s lips to crash into yours. The kiss is needy but soft and his fingers run through your hair, pulling you closer. Your fingers hook under the hem of his white sweatshirt and he gets the message, separating from the kiss temporarily to allow you to pull the material over his head. You unceremoniously toss it to the floor; the sweatshirt landing on top of the plushies.

Before you can dive back in for another kiss, he stops you. His fingers tracing down the front of your shirt, “Your turn.” You give a little smile and lift your shirt over your head, leaving you in a lacy white bra with gold trim. Xavier’s pupils visibly dilate as he takes in the garment. He reaches up and cups your breast over the bra, thumb rubbing over the material, “Very pretty…” His eyes meet yours, “Did you know this would happen today?”

You blush and shake your head, “No… But it’s best to always be prepared.” That earns you a soft smile and a breath of a laugh, “I suppose you’re right.” His hands trail down your body, igniting your skin til they stop to rest on your hips, “Let’s take these pants off too then.” Before you can even reach for the buttons of your pants, Xavier flips the two of you over, your back now resting against the sheets as he cages you in with his body, “Let me do it.”

You watch him in awe as he undoes your pants. You lift your hips to help as he tugs them down your legs and he drops them to the floor. Xavier licks his lips when he sees your panties match the bra, "Beautiful..." Your breathing picks up when he lowers himself, lips grazing the lacy material of your panties that covered your core. He presses a kiss to your clothed clit, making you draw in a breath and his blue eyes flit to yours. Xavier gives a ghost of a smile then presses another kiss to it.

He takes a breath, breathing in the scent of your growing arousal and begins to pull down your panties, letting them fall wherever they chose to land. Xavier's lips part when he finally gets to view your glistening core, seemingly enchanted by the way it looks. You pout a little and squirm, "Xavier..." A soft chuckle escapes him, "Impatient as always..." His tongue comes out, licking through your folds, and he hums when the taste of you graces his senses. The vibrations shoot straight through you, making you whine softly with need.

Xavier laps at your arousal as his thumb begins to rub at your clit. Your hands quickly grab for him, fingers tugging on his hair as you instinctively grind your pussy against his tongue, "Ngh..." His mouth moves to your clit, sucking it between his lips and giving it quick flicks with his warm tongue. Your head falls back against the pillow, fingers tangling further into his blonde locks as you whimper his name.

Just as soon as the knot inside of you reaches its breaking point, Xavier pulls away. A pathetic cry falls from your lips, eyebrows pinched together as you give him a desperate look. He simply smiles innocently at you and crawls up, trapping you under his body yet again. He peppers little kisses from the corner of your lips, to your jawline, then nips lightly at your earlobe and whispers, "Don't worry. I'm only getting started..." His hot breath sends tingles down your spine.

Unable to take his slow pace, you flip positions, catching him off guard as he lands against the mattress. He looks up at you with a surprised expression and you smirk down at him, "How about you let me take over?" He huffs out a laugh, shaking his head as he lets you have your way. You reach behind yourself, undoing the clasps of your bra and let the straps slide down your shoulders. The bra gets tossed somewhere in the room and all Xavier can do it admire how ethereal you look; naked on top of him with the soft, warm light of the room forming a glowing aura around your figure.

His hands have a mind of their own as they slide up your curves and cup your breasts, giving a gentle squeeze. Xavier's thumbs rub across your pebbled nipples, lips parted and staring in absolute awe of you. There are so many words he wants to say, but nothing comes out. You lean down, sliding yourself lower on his body and hooking your fingers in the waistband of his pants, "Lift up for me." Of course he obeys, lifting his hips as you did for him. His flushed and leaking cock slaps against his abdomen when it's finally released.

You take it in your hand, fingers wrapping around the velvety skin, drawing a soft hiss from Xavier. You give a couple languid pumps then run your thumb across his slit, smearing his pre cum over the blushed head, "So much for me already... You must really like me~", you tease, flashing a silly grin. He huffs and gives you an earnest look, "You know I feel much more than that for you." Your heart flutters at his words. It was hard to tease him when he was so honest with you, always ready to bare his heart to you.

Leaning down, your tongue swipes at the tip before you kiss it. Xavier draws in a shaky breath as he fists the sheets below him. You kiss down his length and when you reach his balls, you suck one gently into your mouth. Xavier's eyes widen, "You don't-" You release with a wet pop and shush him, "Let me take care of you." He lets out a sigh and his head falls back against the pillow, relenting to you. Satisfied, you take his length into your mouth, letting your tongue swirl around the head and run up the underside of his cock.

Xavier's grip on the sheets tightens each time you take him, groaning when you take his length further down til it touches the back of your throat. You still yourself, relaxing your throat before you start to move again. The head of his cock continuously pokes at the back of your throat, making you sputter and drool around his length. Xavier pants under you; little grunts and groans are the only sounds he can manage when you have him like this.

His cock twitches and his hands fly to your cheeks, gently pulling your mouth from his cock. You pout at him and he caresses your cheek softly with the pad of his thumb, "There's no need to pout. I just want my cum inside of you. We're making a family, aren't we?" Fuck... The innocent way he looks at you and his straightforward honesty has you aching for him even more. Your heart races as your chest tightens. Strong emotions flood you and you can't hold back any longer. You look at him with so much love, your voice soft and low, "Then let's make a family, Xav..."

His cock twitches at your words and the way you look at him. Indescribable emotions swell within him as he sits up and loses himself in your adoring gaze, "Allow me then..." There is no swift flipping of positions this time as he cradles you against him, gently moving you to be underneath him yet again. Xavier's cock rests against your aching center as he presses himself against your body. The way he looks at you is the way that any woman longs to be looked at by their lover. Never has he looked at anyone else the way he looks at you...

Xavier's lips graze yours as he whispers, "Are you ready?" You whisper back a yes and his lips meet yours. The kiss is slow and heated, full of overflowing love for each other as his cock pushes slowly into you. A husky groan escapes him when he feels your wet warmth envelop his length. You wrap your arms around him, pulling him even closer. The weight and warmth of him was always a comfort to you, even more so now with his cock nestled inside you as he begins to rock his hips.

Xavier's thrusts are slow and deep, purposeful... His eyes never leave yours even for a second as his cock fills you so perfectly. His hot breath fans across your face as he searches your eyes, "In all my years of living, I have never once loved someone in the way that I love you..." His loving words and the way his cock drags along your walls makes your heart feel like it could explode. You wrap your legs around his waist, "I love you... so, so much..."

Your expression of love strikes something within him as he moves with a little more force. Xavier presses his forehead to yours, his soft hair tickling your skin and his brows knit together, overwhelmed by everything he feels. His cock throbs as the tip pushes against the deepest parts of you over and over again. The sounds of panting breaths, soft groans of pleasure, and rustling sheets fill the small bedroom. Your name falls from his lips as he feels himself grow closer to his orgasm, "Please... Cum with me. I want you to cum..."

Xavier's lips form an 'O' as he releases a shaky moan; his cock throbs once more when he feels your pussy contract around his length. "Oh god, Xavier... ngh.. Cumming, 'm cumming!", you cry out as you hold him tighter against you, legs trapping him inside of you. A slew of 'I love you's' fall from his lips as he releases inside your warm pussy. Thick ropes of cum fill you up; cock throbbing over and over as he orgasms. A few more lazy thrusts and Xavier finally stills.

Keeping himself inside you, he wraps his arms around you and lays you both on your sides. His blue eyes lock on yours and he nuzzles his nose against yours, "Let's stay like this for a little while longer..." You smile softly and kiss his lips, "I'm not going anywhere." Xavier returns the smile and speaks in a hushed voice, "I would hope not. After all, I look forward to seeing your belly grow round, growing our child..." Your heart skips several beats and your pussy tightens around his softening cock at his words. Xavier breathes out a laugh, his cock twitching from the sudden tightness and he kisses your nose, "Let's rest first. We have plenty of time, my sweet starlight..."

⋆｡°✩ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊✩₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ ✩°｡⋆ ⋆｡°✩ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊

a/n:

[pickingupmymercedes]

“you’re blurring your words together, time for bed.”

“You’re my favorite person”

The reader is dead tired but won’t sleep because they want to spend time with Lewis.

Hi bestie!!This was soooo adorable to think about. Loved writing it. My heart's warm and cozy now ❤️

“you’re blurring your words together, time for bed.” and “you’re my favorite person”

Laughter filled the air, bouncing off the walls of Lewis' LA home. Miles was in the middle of a particularly dramatic retelling of his latest competition, complete with exaggerated hand gestures, while Daniel doubled over in his chair, tears streaming down his face. Y/N sat nestled between Lewis’ legs on the couch, a mug of lukewarm tea warming her hands.

The jetlag was a cruel beast. She'd arrived earlier that day, her body still clinging to the rhythm of a different time zone. The warmth of the mug and the gentle strumming of the guitar in the background were pulling her eyelids heavy, but she fought against it. These stolen moments with Lewis, surrounded by their friends, who were practically family, were too precious to waste sleeping.

"So, then I told the dude…" Miles continued, his voice rising. Y/N tried to focus, a smile plastered on her face. Lewis, however, wasn't buying it. He caught her gaze drifting towards the flickering fire in the fireplace, her blinks becoming increasingly heavy.

"Hey," he said softly, leaning closer. “You okay there?”

Y/N jolted, her head snapping towards him. "Yeah, I'm fine!" she stated, her voice a little too high-pitched. "Just… absorbing Miles' epic tale."

Lewis raised an eyebrow, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Right," he said, his voice teasing. "You're blurring your words together love, time for bed."

Y/N's smile faltered. Busted. She mumbled something incoherent about metaphors and Miles' dramatic license.

Lewis chuckled softly, his hand reaching for hers. "Come on," he said, his voice gentle but firm. "We can catch up on epic tales tomorrow. You need your rest."

"But…" she started, her voice a pitiful whine. "We only have, like, two days free before we leave, and I don't want to… sleep… when I could be spending time with you…”

Her words slurred together, the drowsiness winning the battle against her determination. Lewis watched her, a knowing smile playing on his lips. He knew her too well, but this was a whole new level of jetlag adorable. He glanced over at his friends, who were watching the exchange with knowing smiles.

"Guys," he announced, his voice carrying over the soft music, "hold down the fort. I think it’s time for Y/N and I to call it a night."

There were groans and good-natured teasing from his friends, but they readily agreed, a chorus of goodbyes following as Lewis placed a gentle hand on her lower back, guiding her towards the French doors leading inside.

Y/N swatted playfully at his hand. "I'm not that tired," she mumbled, but her eyelids were drooping like heavy curtains.

Lewis reached the doors and ushered her inside, the cool air hitting them like a gentle wave. He led her, stopping at the entrance to the bedroom. It was a haven of warm browns and greys, a stark contrast to the whites of the rest of the house

"Bed," Lewis said firmly, but with a smile. He knew better than to argue with a sleep-deprived Y/N for too long.

She pouted again; a childish expression that always seemed to get him wrapped under her fingers. "But this is our free night," she whined, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't want to sleep. I want to spend time with you."

"And you will," he promised, pulling her into a hug. The warmth of his body soothed her, and she burrowed closer, the fight draining out of her.

"You're my favorite person," she mumbled into his chest, her voice thick with sleep.

Lewis chuckled, the sound vibrating against her ear. "That's good to know," he replied, kissing the top of her head. "Now, get some sleep, my favorite person."

He guided her towards the bed, pulling back the covers. As she lay down, sleep already tugging at the corners of her mind, Lewis joined her, wrapping his arms around her.

"You won't leave in the morning, will you?" she asked, her voice low and faint. "Not a chance" he whispered, nuzzling his face into her hair.

______________________________________________________________

TAGLIST - @saturnssunflower @xoscar03 @chocolatediplomatdreamerzonk @happy-golden-hour @vicurious28

@0710khj @thecubanator2 @neilakk @bigratbitchsworld @adriswrld

@fearfam69691 @cmleitora @goldenroutledge @timmychalametsstuff @jpgnsf @priopp123 @jajouska

If you’d like to be added to my taglist you can leave a comment or send me a dm/ask.

[justmystyles]

Big Winners - Part 1

read my other work here!

pairing: Harry Styles x record producer plus size reader

*i say it's a plus size reader, but it is not something that i focus on explicitly in my fics, because your size should not define you. it will only come up if it comes into the story organically.*

word count: 3,118

summary: Harry and Y/N have been friends for fifteen years, they finally work together on an album, and it leads them to a night that will change everything for them.

a/n: earlier this month, all the grammy memories popped up, and it inspired me to write this. i have a million half finished 'moment turned fic' stories in my drafts, but I actually managed to (mostly) finish this one. this is either going to be 2 or 3 parts, i still have a bit to finish, so we'll see.

tags: @abby8694 @allthelovehes @ameerakane20 @ash-craze @bethanysnow @blue-ballad @blueraspberryreader @brightlightsinlife @creativelyeva @cute-as-ducks420 @deannaard @fanficismydrug @gem1712 @golden-hoax @gothmingguk @groovychaosavenue @hillzrry @iceebabies @indierockgirrl @jerseygirlinca @jng4kook @jooniesbabie @kaverichauhan @laurxn-robinson @lexiecamposv @likeapplejuicenpeach @lilfreakjez @mrs-anna-styles211994 @n0vaj3an @potterheadandsherlocked @rach2699 @ravenclawdirectioner @stylesfeverr @superchrystaldrug @tenaciousperfectionunknown @tiaamberxx @thechaoticjoy @theekyliepage @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @youknowwhaaat

Y/N and Harry met fifteen years ago, One Direction had been recently formed, and she was doing an internship at the studio where they were working on their debut album. She had befriended the entire band, but she and Harry clicked instantly, and formed a tight bond. 

They stayed close throughout the years. Harry’s career, both with the band and as a solo artist skyrocketed, while Y/N moved through the industry and had found herself producing some smaller projects. She rarely turned down an opportunity, taking on any work that came her way just to get the experience and the connections. Then, she received the offer of a lifetime. 

Once Harry had finished Love on Tour, he celebrated by inviting some of his closest friends and family to his villa in Italy for two weeks to relax and recharge. Y/N was one of the first people he asked. One night during the trip, Harry and Y/N snuck away from the group; it was intentional on his end, because he had something he was dying to ask her. 

As they sat on the moonlit beach shoulder to shoulder, their toes in the sand, Harry leaned over and bumped his shoulder against hers. “So, I’m going to be starting work on the new album soon.”

“Jesus Har, you’re not even finished with your recharge vacation and you’re already thinking about the next thing?” She chuckled. 

“You know I can’t turn it off.” He said with a sheepish laugh. “But there’s actually a reason I brought it up… I’ve been thinking about the direction I want to take, and who I want to work with, and I was wondering if you’d want to produce it for me?”

Y/N lets out a loud bark of laughter, startling Harry. “Good one.” 

“I’m serious.” He looks at her, and she can see that he really does mean what he says. 

“Harry, I don’t have production experience on that level.” She says, still in shock. “I mean, unless this is like a lullaby album or something.” 

Harry chuckles. “It’s not, but I know you can do it. I know your work, you’re so much more talented than you give yourself credit for. And sure, you haven’t got experience on my level, but you’re never going to get it if you don’t put yourself out there, who better to get the experience with than your best friend?” He says with a toothy, dimpled grin. 

“Literally anyone else?” She teases.

“Hey,” he whines with a furrowed brow. “You know you love me.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” The two of them are silent for a moment, while she lets his offer sink in. “You really want me to do this? You want me to be your producer?”

“That’s why I asked.” He scoffs. “But seriously, nobody knows me better than you, you understand me, you always push me when I need it, and you don’t take my shit. Imagine how that would translate to music. I think it could be something really amazing. Plus, we’d get to hang out a bunch.” 

“Ugh… you were making a good argument until you mentioned spending that much time together.” She says sarcastically as she rolls her eyes.

“Hey,” Harry says in a serious tone. “If you don’t want to do it, just tell me. But I really can’t imagine taking the next step in my career with anyone else.”

She sighs and smiles softly at him. “I would really love to work with you, Harry. If you’re sure, let’s do it.” 

His smile grows once again as he pulls her into a big hug. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.” 

A few months later, the two of them embarked on their first collaboration, Harry’s fourth studio album, and it was an even better experience than either of them thought it would be. They knew each other so well, that they were perfectly in sync with every chord and every lyric. By the time they had a completed album, they were both confident that this was the best work of their careers. 

They were so proud of what they had done that they didn’t care how it sold, or what the reviews said, they knew that they had created something magical and if they were the only two people that liked it, they couldn't care less. However, that wasn’t the case. The record was a hit; glowing reviews, great numbers, and the fans positively ate it up. 

Harry and Y/N’s friendship was one that was well known, his fans would go crazy everytime they were seen together, the fandom was constantly shipping them. So when they found out that she was producing the record, it amped up the anticipation tenfold. As soon as it was released, they were combing the lyrics, and criticizing every background vocal and sound to find any clues about the true standing of the relationship. Of course, there was plenty of speculation, but the truth wasn’t anywhere near as exciting as the conspiracies and analysis. They were genuinely just two best friends with creative minds that made something amazing together. 

Given the reception the album received, it was no surprise that, when award season rolled around, they received a generous amount of nominations. So here they were, in LA, sharing a hotel suite and preparing to attend the Grammy Awards. 

As Y/N sat down to begin the hair and makeup process, Harry stepped out to go for a run to clear his mind. He was nervous about what the evening would hold. Partly for his performance, especially given the mistake at the beginning of his last Grammy appearance in 2023. He had insisted on extra rehearsal time, and extended the production meeting to make sure that everyone knew exactly what needed to happen and when. But more than that, he wanted this night to be perfect for Y/N. He had won awards before, but this was her first time being nominated. When they had first met, Y/N had told him about her dreams and one of the things she mentioned was the Grammys. He wanted this for her more than he did for himself. And although he knew she had matured in the last fifteen years, and valued more than just accolades and awards, if he could be the reason one of her childhood dreams came true, that would mean more to him than anything. 

When Harry returned from his run, he saw Y/N sitting in the common area, her hair and makeup still being worked on. She locks eyes with him through the mirror. 

“Hey, did the run help?” She asks. 

Harry shrugs as he approaches her. “A little, still pretty nervous though.” 

“What’s making you nervous? The nominations, or the performance?” 

Harry thought about the best way to answer this question, he didn’t want to tell her that he was nervous for her. He knew that even though she was hiding it well, she was nervous too, and his nerves on her behalf would make hers worse. On top of that, Y/N was alway so sweet and empathetic, she would take it personally and see herself as the reason he was nervous and end up feeling bad. He didn’t want to put a damper on this night for her. 

“Mostly the performance, I guess.” He finally responds. 

She extends her arm out, wiggling her fingers in an invitation for him to take her hand. When he joins his hand with hers, she squeezes gently. “You’re going to be amazing. I’ve never seen you give a bad performance. You’re going to kill it, and I’m going to be right there in the crowd losing my shit for you, just like I always do.” 

Harry laughs at her pep talk. “You know this is an industry thing, not a concert, right? People aren’t exactly going to be losing their shit in the audience.” 

“Good, then it will be easier for you to notice me from the stage.” She looks over at him with a sweet smirk. 

“Like I could ever miss you.” He scoffs, squeezing her hand.

“You’re showering before you get dressed, right?” She asks with an arched brow, lightning the mood. 

“Not before I give you a big, sweaty hug…” He says, outstretching his arms and moving closer.

“Harry Edward,” she says in a warning tone. “I’m already forty-five minutes into getting ready, and still have at least thirty to go. I cannot start over.

“God, you’re such a girl…” He groans and kisses her on the cheek before going into the bathroom to shower. 

While Harry showered, Y/N’s mind was racing. She’d known Harry long enough to know that there was more going on than just being nervous about the performance, but she wasn’t going to push him. She would just do everything she could to support and comfort him.

After his shower, Harry stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a robe just as Y/N’s hair and makeup was being finished. She stood from her chair, thanked her glam team and stepped up to Harry. 

“We should just go like this, it would cause quite a stir.” She joked as they stood face to face in their matching bathrobes. 

He smiles softly, still feeling the nerves flow through him. 

“Hey, you’ve got this… we’ve got this.” She assures him. “Even if we don’t win, the album was amazing. We made something beautiful. If the academy sees that, great. If not, whatever, we don’t need them anyway.”

Harry smiles and pulls her into a hug. “Yeah, I know, I know. No matter what, I am so proud of what we did. It’s better than I even imagined it would be, and I owe all of that to you.”

She giggles as she pulls out of the hug. “I didn’t do anything. I just pushed buttons and bossed you around.” 

Harry laughs loudly. “Two things you’re good at. Being bossy and pushing my buttons.” She gasps in mock outrage and slaps his chest playfully. “Seriously though, you brought my vision to life, and you did all the behind the scenes work to make sure it was the best album possible. You’re the biggest reason we’re here tonight.” 

Y/N smiles shyly and blushes. “Oh come on…”

Harry smirks mischievously, he always found it hilarious when he’d make her blush. He decided to double down. “Well, whatever the outcome, at least I’ll have the cutest date in the room.” He wiggles his eyebrows playfully.

“God, you’re the worst.” She chuckles as her blush deepens. “I have to go put my dress on. You changing?”

Harry nods. “Yeah, I’ll do that now. Meet you back here in ten?”

“It’s a complicated dress, might need fifteen…”

“God,” he groans playfully. “Such a diva!”

Y/N sticks her tongue out at him and turns to go into her room to get dressed. 

Twenty minutes later, Harry is pacing around in his suit, it’s a simple black suit with a gold silk shirt, unbuttoned enough to display the sparrows on his chest, and the butterfly across his abdomen. He steps up to her door and knocks gently as a reminder that they need to get going. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” She calls through the door. 

A few moments later, she emerges in a long gown, made of the same golden silk as Harry’s shirt. Harry’s eyes go wide when he sees her. She looks stunning, the gown hugs her curves in all the right places, and compliments her skin tone perfectly. 

Harry’s silence makes Y/N feel a little self conscious. She rarely dresses up, and when she does, she doesn’t usually pick things that put her body on display like this.

“Is it… do I look okay?” She asks tentatively. 

“It’s stunning, Y/N.” Harry looks at her in awe. “You look so incredibly beautiful, like an angel…”

“Alright Har, come on…” she says bashfully as she drops her gaze. 

“No, seriously. You clean up nice.” He chuckles, punching her on the arm playfully. 

“Yeah, well you don’t look so bad yourself.” She looks him over, a small smirk appearing on her face. “Is this why you wanted me to work with your team to pick my outfit? So we would be matching?” 

Harry chuckles and shrugs sheepishly. “Maybe…”

“You’re such a little pain in the ass.” She chuckles. 

“Whatever, it was worth it.” He says, grabbing her wrist and positioning them in front of the full length mirror. “We look damn good” 

“That we do.” She replies with a smile. She notices his expression grow more serious and furrows her brow. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just… fifteen years…” He says wistfully. “We’ve had a hell of a run, you and I.”

“Well it’s not over yet!”

“No, I know. Will you just shut up and let me have a moment?” He says as he nudges her. “We’ve been through a lot together, and I can’t really express how much it means to be standing here with you right now. No matter what happens tonight, we’ve definitely already won.” 

“Yeah, we have.” She sighs, wrapping her arm around his waist and pulling him into a side hug. “Now cut it out with all this mushy stuff, my makeup took way too long for me to start crying right now.” 

Harry laughs and pulls her into a tight hug. “Alright, alright, we’ll save the mushy crying for later.” He gives her one last squeeze before pulling out of the embrace. “Ready to go?”

She nods and he leads her out the door and down the hallway to the elevator. As it makes its descent to the lobby, Y/N gets uncharacteristically quiet. 

“You good?” Harry asks softly. “You seem quiet.”

She looks up at him, almost as if the sound of his voice broke her out of a trance. “Hmm? Yeah, sorry. I think the gravity of everything is finally hitting me. Like, it was all conceptual before, just words. But it’s real, we’re on our way to the Grammy awards… we’re nominated.”

Harry takes her hand, squeezing it gently. “I know. But you can’t worry about it, no more stressing out, okay? Tonight is our night, we just need to go out there and enjoy it.” 

“Can I say one more mushy thing before we stop trying to make each other cry?” 

Harry chuckles and nods, looking forward to hearing what Y/N has to say.

“I… when I decided I wanted to be a producer, my big thing was that I always told people I wanted to win Grammy awards. And I know we shouldn’t be defined by awards, but in an industry like this, you have to have some way to quantify or legitimize what you do to people who aren’t a part of it, and that was my way of doing it. I’ve been doing this for a long time, and this is the first time I’ve been nominated. I can’t tell you how glad I am that my first nomination is with you. It means the world to me that I can have this moment, share this milestone with my best friend. So thank you for letting me be a part of this album. You have no idea what it means to me.”

Harry is taken aback by Y/N’s words. While they were close, and shared everything, she would rarely be so open and vulnerable with her words. No matter what happened at the award show, that moment, right there in the elevator, would be the highlight of his night. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her close, burying his face in her neck. 

“You have no idea what this means to me.” He mumbles against her neck. 

“Okay, so no nerves then?” She asks, pulling out of his embrace. “Whatever happens tonight, we will always have this moment together, and that’s what matters.” 

“Agreed.” Harry says, holding his hand out to shake hers. She giggles at the gesture and shakes his hand firmly. 

After a short ride in the limo, Harry slips out of the car and extends his hand, helping Y/N out. They walk through security and up to the start of the red carpet. Harry turns to face Y/N, and she adjusts his jacket, making sure he looks picture perfect. 

“Okay, go out there and smile big. I’ll see you on the other side.” She says like a proud mom, sending her son off to picture day. 

“How’s my hair?” He asks cheekily. 

She giggles and runs her hand through his hair. “Perfect.” 

He winks and gives her a sly smirk before stepping out onto the carpet and posing for the cameras. 

Y/N watches him take a few pictures, and once he moves on to the second pose position on the carpet, she turns to walk behind the step and repeat. Her arm is quickly grabbed by one of the producers. “You’re up.” He tells her.

“Oh no no no, I’m not walking the carpet.” Y/N insists. 

“Are you nominated?” She nods, a slight panic on her expression. Y/N was a behind the scenes person, she didn’t step in front of the camera. “Then you walk the carpet.” He nudges her forward, and she finds herself standing on the first mark, posing awkwardly for the camera. 

A few steps away, Harry’s gaze is traveling from camera to camera, out of the corner of his eye, he sees Y/N posing, he also sees the panic on her face. He quickly backtracks, coming up beside her and placing his hand on the small of her back. 

“You okay?” He whispers softly. 

“I didn’t know they were going to make me do the carpet…” She whispers nervously. 

Harry keeps his hand on the small of her back, his fingers moving along the skin gently to soothe her. “I know, I know. But you’ve got this, I’m right here with you, we’re going to do this together, this is our night.”

She nods, feeling more comfortable with Harry by her side. The two pose together as they move down the carpet. Harry was completely in tune with Y/N’s emotions, and any time he’d feel her start to stiffen up or get nervous, he would whisper a joke or silly comment in her ear to loosen her up. 

The photographers went crazy observing the chemistry between the two of them. Harry was aware what would be printed about them, and the status of their relationship, but he didn’t care. All that mattered to him in that moment was that nothing ruined this night for Y/N. 

[babybatss-blog]

A bad boy with bad moves

sirius black x f!reader, 900 words

cw: swearing, underage drinking, sexual suggestions.

summary: For the first time in his life, Sirius is flustered. Who knew that was possible!

Sirius Black is awfully privy to getting his way. A privileged rich boy, bending the rules and the attention to his will with his signature dazzling smile and piercing grey eyes. And it’s always been this way for him. Despite familial issues and taunting self-doubt passed down through cold generations, Sirius knows exactly how to bend things to just how he wants them.

But today, on a dreary Friday in a dusty classroom, things have changed for the worse. Sirius has always known who you are, clinging to Lily’s side and standing up for her when James makes another ruckus attempt at garnering her attention, but for some reason you seem different today. Perhaps it’s the way you’ve done your hair or the especially tight top your wearing, but he can’t help but stare at your pink lips, pursed together in concentration to the teacher’s instructions.

“psst.” He nudges you hoping to get your attention. “psssssst.” He nudges again.

“What Sirius?” You say, a stern glare in your eyes for disrupting your focus. “You going to the Ravenclaw party tonight?” He asks, a pearly grin on display as he leans back precariously on his chair. “Yeah, I think so… Why?” You ask. Although you and Sirius are friends, you don’t really communicate out of the classroom apart from short waves or him stealing Remus away from your study sessions. “No reason.” Sirius nonchalantly replies. He hopes it will uphold your intrigue, as it has done with many lovesick girls in the past. But alas, you just shrug and return to your work. Dammit. Nonetheless, Sirius has no doubt that after a couple drinks you’ll be wrapped around his pinkie finger effortlessly.

That night, Sirius struts insouciantly into the party, after having a quick hype up from his mates. Sirius didn’t bother to tell him who his new conquest was, because he knew they would cause a scene if they found out. After scanning the party, he spots you. God, you look gorgeous. That little dress and heels, those thick lashes fluttering softly as you talk to some guy. Wait, some guy? Sirius’ jaw clenches, seeing the way you giggle at his jokes and push him playfully. That should be him next to you, making you laugh and having you all to himself. That should be him, taking that dress off of you and pushing up against his-

“Yo Padfoot, did you find that chick you were talking about earlier?” James prances up behind him, causing Sirius to jump slightly in fear. “Shit Prongs! Yeah, I did. I guess…” He says, looking down at his shuffling feet. James knows his friend all too well, recognising this rare sign of defeat in his friend and replies. “Hey, what’s up? Surely she hasn’t rejected you right?”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Well talk to her then dipshit!” James pushes his back, catapulting Sirius forward and leaving him alone in a crowd of drunk students. After taking a deep breath, Sirius struts over to you, who is now drinking a beer alone on the edge of the dance floor.

“Hey.” Sirius says, looking you up and down. You copy his greeting, mirroring the casualness. “You look nice tonight” He winks, which only illicits and sweet huff from your mouth. “Thanks loser.” He laughs at this feigned insult, although slightly touched by how lightly you act around him. An awkward silence falls between the two of you, although you don’t seem to notice or care. “I um, was wondering if you wanted to…” He’s words are interpreted by Lilly Evans, who runs over to join the two of you. “Hey! Frank and Alice want to verse me in beer pong, do you want to be my team mate?” She asks you. You agree excitedly, although it doesn’t take you long to notice the unfinished sentence Sirius left you with. You tell Lily you will be there in a second, then turn back to the man who is fidgeting with his rings. “Sorry. What were you saying before Lily came over?” “Oh, fuck. Well I was just, sort of asking you if…” You tilt your head down expectedly, smiling and the now rattled man in front of you.

“Can you help me with my essay for Flitwick’s class? I’m really struggling, and I thought you could help me. It fine if not though, really.” Sirius quickly patches up his question, no longer confident in the face of a girl he once saw as merely a friend. “Oh, of course! Why don’t we go over it sometime this weekend in the library? I also found it hard, but chapter 6 in the textbook really explained it well and I think it has some great points of contention.” Sirius expected nothing less from you, such a kind, selfless soul. You give him a quick goodbye then walk off, causing Sirius to let go of a breath he didn’t realise he was holding.

“Well shit. You’ve really done it now Black. You’ve gone and fallen for the one girl who doesn’t like you back, and fucked up real well in the process” Sirius whispers this chastisement under his breath to himself. Never before has his bad boy persona dropped, but here he is, asking for study help like a scared little first year.

[diamond-champagne]

10. I Love You

Paige Bueckers x Azzi Fudd

Warnings: None

Summary: In which things are figured out and confessed.

A/N: Shoutout to 🌟 for holding me accountable! Feedback is always welcome!

The smallest words are the most powerful. They often have the most impact. Intense and large emotions and experiences welded into a string of four letters. Hate. Love. Lust. Fate.

Fate. The development of events beyond a person’s control. The idea of it is entirely funny because honestly, how could it not be? 

Or at least, that’s what Azzi thinks.

She sits at her dining room table with her family, surrounded by Katie, Tim, Jon, Jose and Paige. The blonde girl that makes her laugh at that silly four letter word. 

How could it be that fate is beyond a person’s control? Azzi felt in control when she talked to Paige the entire plane ride back to Minneasota when they were younger. She felt in control when she answered every facetime call after said plane ride. She even felt in control when she shared a constant space with the girl after the pandemic. So the thought of this possibly not being in her control is laughable. However she only thinks of the word because it’s the only one that describes how perfectly Paige just fits. She has her own seat at the dinner table and her name is on the abandoned chore chart on the refrigerator. Paige is factored into movie nights, dinners, and holidays. Almost like it she was fated to be there and Azzi can only marvel at how easy it was for this to be a new normal. 

Beneath her ability to take that word seriously, Azzi feels warm and fuzzy. She is overcome with a sense of familiarity and softness that only seems to appear when a particular pair of blue eyes and a head full of blonde hair appear. So she revels in it. 

At least, that’s what she’s trying to do before she hears a throat clear. Quite loudly. 

“Are you listening to me?” Tim asks.

Suddenly Azzi realizes that there are several pairs of eyes on her. It makes her flush and muster an apologetic look. 

“Yeah, dad. Be up at 8am. Got it”

That seems to satisfy the table as the majority return their focus back to Tim as he gives a detailed description of their itinerary for the following morning. Tomorrow, the Fudds are hosting a camp for the elementary schools in the area. It’s something that they partake in monthly, helping the younger children grow their skills. So while you’d never know it from the way her dad is animatedly talking, Azzi knows the routine.  

She looks down at her plate, still full of the vegetables that she’s pushed around for the last thirty minutes. Azzi can feel Paige’s eyes on her. When she looks up, she’s met with deep pools of blue filled with concern.

“Are you okay, Az?” Paige asks. Her voice was laced with sincerity. 

“I’m fine.” Azzi replies surely while never breaking eye contact. The pair continue to stare at each other. Emotions swim in both of their eyes that are begging to be voiced into the world. It feels like forever and not long enough that they continue their staring contest before Jon breaks the moment between them to mention some tik tok video that he saw earlier that day. 

The rest of dinner is smooth but Azzi is antsy. She needs to talk to Paige immediately so she takes her shower and gets settled into bed while she waits for her best friend while rehearsing what she could possibly say. Immediately she thinks back to when it all made sense to her. 

-

Azzi thinks it’s been a long two weeks.

Actually, Azzi knows it's been a long two weeks because she hasn’t stopped thinking about the kiss in the bar bathroom.

It’s not that the two haven’t kissed before because well, they’ve had more than their fair share. This kiss though, was under the premise of something much larger than a secret night between the two. It was laced with the feeling of forever and provided such a high that they both wanted to chase for the end of time. Azzi wanted to chase Paige until the end of time. 

So, it’s been a long two weeks and she’s impatient. Azzi also wants to cuddle. 

She’s tired and all she wants to do is hug her best friend and bury her face in a head full of blonde hair. That’s why she flops on her bed as she lets out a groan that probably echoes through the stratosphere.

Well that and the fact that someone is knocking on her door. The brown haired girl pushes herself up and makes her way to the front door. She’s prepared to fully be an unwelcoming host; choosing to greet whoever with an eye roll and a voice that drips in annoyance but it’s her favorite pair of blue eyes on the other side of the door. 

“Hi,” Paige says. It’s a bit quiet and shy but it sounds perfect to Azzi. 

“H-Hi” the brown eyed girl stutters. She wants to ask what Paige is doing but her attention has been redirected to the bags in the blonde’s hands. It only confuses her more when she looks up and is met with a sheepish look on her best friend’s face.

“I missed you,” Paige blurts out before explaining further. “I thought maybe we could hang out because we’re still friends. We’ll always be best friends.”

“I miss you too,” Azzi confesses. “I always miss you.”

Azzi can feel herself smile at the words. It sends her heart soaring in ways she could have only imagined. She thinks this is what love songs must feel like. But then she watches Paige smile and she thinks it’s something she could watch for the rest of her life. But Azzi isn’t sure what to say. She isn’t sure that the words to explain what she feels for the older girl have been invented yet. So instead, she grabs the wrist of her blonde-haired forever and drags her into the kitchen.

As the brown-haired girl unpacks the bags, she discovers ice cream and her chipotle order. In the other bag, sits a hardcopy of “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo” which she vaguely recalls talking about.

The gesture is small but moving. It’s what makes everything click.

Azzi can feel tears well up in her eyes so she’s quick to wipe them before hugging Paige. She can only hope that she’s able to feel the gratitude that rolls off of the curly-haired girl in waves. But it’s Paige so of course she feels it and of course she pulls Azzi closer to hug her tighter.

They aren’t sure how long they stand in the kitchen, simply enjoying each other’s embrace. But the sound of stomachs grumbling disturbed the moment and resulted in giggles from each of the basketball players. Soon, they’re sitting on the couch, while watching Frozen.

The empty chipotle bowls sit on the counter along with the ice cream that is surely forgotten about by now. That much doesn’t matter though because Azzi is laying on the couch with Paige in her arms. She isn’t paying attention to the movie though because all she can do is focus on the blonde on top of her and how happy she is at this very moment. 

It’s that thought that segways into feeling like this everyday. This being a light, giddy feeling that casts a protective bubble over the two whenever they share a space together. The feeling that has since replaced the fear that once left her helpless and unmoving.

Azzi thinks she can get used to Paige loving her. It’s like a warm blanket that feels like home. Her eyes are soft and her Azzi smile is a permanent fixture on her beautiful face. The brown-haired girl thinks about all the ways they can be more intertwined than they already are. She thinks about seeing her stuff in the bathroom and moving clothes into each other’s closet. The younger girl imagines mini bottles of gatorade next to her water in the refrigerator. She imagines blonde strands of hair tickling her while she’s sleeping and never having any sense of personal space because Paige is a 6’0 baby. 

At the same time, she imagines not having any of it. That feeling of discontentment that had once wormed its way into her heart is back. It’s a bitter and heavy feeling that makes Azzi shift in discomfort. That terrifies her and suddenly she realizes that not having Paige is scarier than anything she could possibly imagine. Maybe the thought of losing Paige is what paralyzingly scarred her. 

Though as she lays on the couch, on the brink of sleep, she thinks of how fate brought them together from miles away. She thinks being scared means that this is something worth having. 

Paige is worth having. 

-

Azzi is broken from her daydream by the sound of her door knob rattling. Paige is in her room dressed in an old shirt and shorts with hair that is still dripping wet from her shower. The blonde stands in front of the mirror while she begins to brush her hair and all the younger girl can do is watch. It takes a bit for her staring to capture Paige’s attention but when it does, the blue-eyed girl immediately turns to her friend. 

“What’s wrong?”

The brown-eyed girl feels like a fish out of water. A wave of emotion engulfs her and it’s too much but not enough all at the same time. There’s love and longing and admiration that swim so deep in her heart and mind that she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind before she even realizes it. 

“I love you.”

PREVIOUS | NEXT

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Some thoughts about the KP video and Kate’s statement today. (I initially put these as comments to another post.) These thoughts may be controversial and may be unpopular, but it is what I think and there may be others who feel this way too or who have similar thoughts and are looking for a place to discuss.

So first, this video is not unprecedented. It follows similar videos made for their 10th anniversary and the coronation (I believe there may be an Earthshot video as well), which suggests that KP’s media strategy commemorates significant personal occasions with film like this. What is unprecedented is Kate narrating - I believe this is the first “televised speech” she has ever given. She has given speeches before but I don’t think those were “broadcast” like this one was.

There’s been some commentary about how PR-ish and slick the video feels, to which I also agree. In my comments on an earlier post, I said that the video is responding to criticism and concerns that KP staff likely heard all summer, meant to reassure people of Kate’s status. It sucks that they had to do this because Kate made it clear from the beginning that her health is private. I think they chose a highly-stylized and edited video like this (instead of personal home videos) to help with their privacy. By having someone else film them, they can still protect their kids’ personal selves while opening the window into what “our own home” actually looks and feels like.

In my opinion - and I realize this could be fighting words - it feels like the emotions people may or be feeling about this video comes from how unexpected it was. I’ll give them that point - it was unexpected and very touching to hear Kate’s own words in her own voice narrating clips of her family in their ordinary private lives that she and William have been very protective over.

But it was not unexpected that there was an update on her status. It’s consistent with KP’s pattern of providing quarterly (or seasonal, depending on how you look at it) updates on Kate’s status. After the first announcement in January, we received updates in March (beginning of Spring) and in June (beginning of summer). Now we’ve had an update at the beginning of fall/autumn.

We’ll probably get another one in December for the beginning of winter, which will probably coincide with her Christmas carol service. Given Kate’s message today, I have a feeling that this year’s carol service may be themed around cancer charities, supporters, and patients and their families. (2021 and 2022 were also themed; I don’t remember if the 2023 service was themed.) And if the winter update isn’t for the Christmas carol service, it will definitely be for the holidays with perhaps a “new beginnings for a new year” kind of message.

I liked the video. I like that KP has updated their social media profiles and account pictures with new photos from the video. I don’t find it as emotional as others are, but that’s not a knock on anyone who is emotional about it. I do see it as a PR tool to counter criticisms and concerns that have been discussed all summer long, but I also see it as a genuine “thank you” from Kate for giving her the space, time, and privacy to focus on herself and her family. It was an extraordinary request that most people honored and so she thanked everyone in the most extraordinary of ways; a peek at what her family is like on their own time and in their own homes.

(Also, I’m warning all y’all now: there’s a very good chance the Christmas photo will come from one of these video filming sessions. I don’t want to hear anyone complaining about how upset they are we didn’t get any new exclusive content. We just got a 4 minute video!)

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Hello everyone! Welcome to our Valentine's Week mini Self Ship event!

Pr*sh//ip please dni

From February 12th to the 18th, I'd like to invite you all to participate in a self ship event all about love! This is meant to be a low-effort, laid-back event where the hardest thing you'll probably have to do is interact with other people 😅 Each day will have a different theme for every type of f/o and self shipper! The themed days are listed below:

February 12th - Familial F/o Day! This day will be all about focusing on your familial f/os! Parents, siblings, kids, or any other character you consider part of your family. ❤️❤️

February 13th - Platonic F/o Day! This day is dedicated to all our fictional besties!! Give some appreciation to the f/os that are there for a good laugh and a shoulder to cry on. 💛💛

February 14th- Romantic F/o Day! Of course, Valentine's Day itself will be dedicated to the special f/os in our lives who are there for us through thick and thin. Our f/os love us every day and we love them, but we'll give them extra love today! 🩷🩷

February 15th - Self Love Day! Sure, it can be argued that all of self ship is a form of self love, but I really want us all to focus on it today, by thinking about and maybe even listing out the things that our f/os would especially love about us. 💝💝

February 16th - February 18th - F/o Takeover & Letter Writing Weekend! This one is a bit of a player's choice; option one, an f/o takeover! Y'all know the drill on that one by now, let your f/os of choice answer questions on your blog for the weekend. ❤️ Option two, for those not into takeovers, is to spend the weekend writing love letters to your f/os! They can be as short or long as you like, while also making as few or as many as you'd want to. I'd also like to highly encourage sending out f/o letters to your fellow self shippers from their own f/os! ❤️

There we have it! That's our weekend, laid out in its entirety. However, these are more guidelines than strict rules. You can really run the week any way you like, as long as you're enjoying yourself!

I would also like to add that this month, for those who don't know, is Black History Month, so while you focus on your ships, don't forget to show some love to my black brothers and sisters in the self ship community as well! 🧡🧡🧡

I'll have some more suggestions on things to do below the cut, but I'll end it here up top, because this is long enough as it is. Feel free to reblog to get the word around, and for just one week, let's only think about love. ❤️💝🥺💝❤️

Now then, here are some suggestions on things to do over the week on our themed f/o days:

For our creative types, you could create some art and doodles, writing and drabbles, gifs, screenshots, or any other type of content for your f/os of the day.

For those who want a more chill experience, just some good ol' gushing will work perfect! I'll also be trying to make some short ask games full of questions for each themed day.

For the self-love day in the 15th, I highly encourage everyone to make a list of things that their f/os love about them. Of course not everything is always perfect, so if you'd like, you can also talk about your flaws and the way that your f/os would still love you with them. I don't wanna see any self deprecation though, because I know all of you are much more wonderful than you may think! ❤️❤️

Lastly, for the weekend, as I said earlier I would love to see people sending out letters to other self shippers. If anyone remembers the To My S/i events from a few years back, as much as I would love to run an event like that, I know that's setting some people up for disappointment when they don't receive any letters, so I want it to be something that's encouraged but not expected. That being said, it's still highly encouraged! Even if you're worried about how accurately you may write someone's f/o, I believe you should still give it a try anyway! 💝💝💝

That's about all the suggestions I have, except for this last one: while this week is about love for our f/os, I still wanna see love for our fellow self shippers with plenty of interaction going around, even something as small as a reblog or question sent for an ask game makes a big difference! And remember, just like the New Radicals said, "you only get what you give."

If you're reading this far, then thank you! Go ahead and throw a "btw my f/os love me" into your tags to let me know you got this far. I hope everyone enjoys the event!! 🩷❤️💝❤️🩷

[mokulule]

The Number You Have Called Cannot Be Reached - Part 13

First | Masterlist

Ship: Dead on Main (Danny/Jason)  Fandom: DP x DC Summary:

Danny is just trying to build a portal home, becoming a thief was just an unfortunate side effect of that goal. Now if only this vigilante family would just leave him alone. Especially Red Hood - the semi retired crime lord whose ghost-like presence keeps drawing Danny to him.

Warning! This chapter is pretty rough (I think), please check the tags for triggers before reading if you have worries. Part 13:

The plan had gone off without a hitch. The Ghost had been noticeably distracted ever since Tim had asked Jason to sit their attempts to capture him out. He’d been very grateful though that it hadn’t taken long for the Ghost to appear again in Gotham’s industrial area. Jason only had so much patience. 

Thanks to Babs’ newly upgraded cameras they’d had warning and time for everyone to get together. 

Herding the Ghost to their trap had been a cinch with him only getting away from them a few times. 

The trap was set in a dead-end alley near the power plant which had power lines running through the ground underneath. They were insulated so he wouldn’t sense them. They would only be a problem if he tried to phase through them.

The Ghost froze in place as the trap came to life with electricity every wall covered with the net. It wasn’t just electrified wire it was meant to create arcs of electricity. It needed to be visible, it needed to stop their quarry in place. Tim didn’t actually want to electrocute the guy if he could help it. 

Dick jumped down to land beside Tim and Damian, his escrima sticks ready. 

The Ghost swung around, taking everything in. Then he started to sink through the ground. It was the moment Tim had been waiting for. Everything hinged on this one theory being true; that he wasn’t just afraid of electricity, but that it would stop him from phasing through. He jumped back up with a startled yelp. 

As he turned to face them mouth a thin pressed line, Tim couldn’t help the grin of a well-executed plan.

“Gotcha.”

Finally they could get to the bottom of this! But no! Tim’s instinct warned him before his brain even registered what was happening. Something about the Ghost’s posture had changed; he was looking up, tensing his body for something. 

No!

Tim fumbled for the button, his last ditch attempt even as Dick and Damian sprung forward recognizing the look of someone about to fly. He’d tossed the EMP device earlier in the night and it had attached to the Ghost’s back. He pushed the button now. 

But the Ghost was already flying having taken off like a rocket. There was a half second delay and Tim realized with horror that even if the electromagnetic pulse did anything the Ghost was in the air. 

If it did anything he would fall. 

Oo o oO

There was a pulse like a wave of static and then Danny was dropping. 

Desperately confused he reached for his powers. Flight was as easy as breathing. Gravity was a mere suggestion. Or it should be! Nothing was happening and the roof below was coming rapidly up to meet him!

In reality it only lasted two seconds, but it felt like a terrifying eternity. His arms and legs moved uselessly; without his powers he had no control.

At the last moment he pushed his arms out. His right hand landed first, there was a sharp pain in his wrist before he curled up and rolled over his shoulder, landing on his back. Air punched out of his chest in a wheeze.

His eyes were wide staring sightlessly up at the clouds as he tried to suck air into his stunned body. He needed to get away before they found him. His core was an agitated scream in his chest. But no matter what he did, he couldn’t sink through the roof. 

He rolled up onto his knees with a pained groan, holding his right wrist protectively against his chest. Terror gripped his throat in a vice grip as he pressed his left hand flat on the concrete. He had to focus. Breathe, if he could just take a moment without panicking, he was certain he’d make his powers work. His core felt normal in his chest, they hadn’t suppressed him, not like Vlad did that one time. Frustrated tears pricked his eyes, he clenched his eyes shut, forced himself to take a deep slow breath. If he just found his calm, if he just focused…

There was not even the suggestion of any give. The roof was solid. 

Danny was solid.

There was a clatter and the high pitched whine of several grappling hooks reeling in. Danny’s head snapped up at the sound, eyes wide. He scrambled clumsily to his feet - his body felt so heavy, and his aching legs protested having to lift him.  

They gathered in a half circle around him on their near silent feet - the bats, towering shadows to his blurred eyes. Blood rushed in his ears.

Danny took a step back, barred his teeth in a snarl. 

“Don’t come closer,” he warned, the implied threat was a lie. He couldn’t do anything. He was powerless, weak as a kitten. It would be no trouble for them to capture him. But worse if they could neutralize his powers, they could hold him. Danny took another step back. 

His breath came in short, punched out huffs. Cold sweat made his hair and clothes sticky. Shadows lined in harsh white light leaned over him. Agony- No! Danny shook his head, he was not there. He stepped back, the back of his knees hit a low railing.

He would never go back. 

He turned and jumped.

Oo o oO

Tim didn’t hear any sounds but the blood rushing in his ears. He hadn’t expected the sheer panic the Ghost would have. None of them had. Not even the goggles had been able to obscure how terrified he was. His voice, the first time they’d ever heard him speak, had been thin and shaky, a hollow warning to not come closer. What was he so afraid of? They hadn’t come closer and yet-

Tim felt ill. What did he think they’d do to him, that he’d rather jump off the roof?! 

Jason had been right. He needed help. And now-

The others stood at the edge of the roof. Nobody was moving. Did that mean it was too late? There was nothing to be done?

Numbly, Tim walked up to the edge and looked down. For a moment he saw nothing, but then he caught movement further away, a flash of red- relief hit Tim in a whooshed out breath that left him weak-kneed. Jason had caught him. Tim turned around and sunk down to sit back against the railing.

He hadn’t even known Jason was out here. He must have turned off his tracker. Fuck, he was so relieved Jason had been there. 

He buried his head in his shaking hands. This was on him, his plan. 

His earlier exhilarated satisfaction of a well-executed plan was crumbled and soured, heavy in the pit of his stomach like lead. His gut turned ominously. If he threw up, it would be deserved, he thought despondently.

Oo o oO

Jason went on the Bats’ comm channel only to bark at them not to follow him. With Ghost in his arms shaking and breathing too fast and too superficial, covered in the cold sweat of terror, Jason didn’t want to know what he would do if they did follow him. 

He ran across the rooftops and used the grapple when necessary. The safehouse wasn’t too far away. 

There was utter silence from that sense where Jason usually heard Ghost’s call to him. It should be a relief not to hear his yearning and be unable to do anything about it, but it just felt wrong. Like something was missing.

Jason held him closer.

“It’s gonna be okay, I’ve got you.” The words were useless, he knew that. Ghost had to be running from him for a reason even as he called for him - and Jason could understand why he’d been running from him, Jason was wrong inside, but Ghost was his only hope, and he couldn’t not chase. Right now the words were all he had, and he couldn’t let the others take him. They didn’t understand that he needed help. 

Jason’s anger over what had happened tonight was only eclipsed by his worry. Ghost might be afraid of Jason too, but not like this, not silenced by terror.

Jason repeated his useless assurances as he ran. Ghost was much too light in his arms, too thin beneath the worn clothing. Irrational fear that he would turn to dust in his arms, seized him. 

“You’re gonna be okay.” He said as much to reassure himself as Ghost.

“Please,” Ghost rasped voice unused.

Jason froze, stopping in place, hoping he’d say more. He didn’t. He pushed uselessly at Jason’s chest, still trying to escape. Jason’s heart broke. Frustrated tears pricked at his eyes.

“Please let me help you,” he pleaded. 

Jason didn’t know if his words had gotten through to him or it was just exhaustion, but he stopped struggling. Cynically, Jason leaned towards exhaustion. At this point panic and fear had to be the only thing keeping him conscious at all.

They arrived at the safehouse finally. 

It was one the others didn’t know about. Jason had a few of those as insurance. It was seemingly just a lived-in apartment, open floor plan living room and kitchen in one with artfully placed clutter, a couple of bedrooms and a bathroom. There were weapons and supplies hidden in the spaces between the real walls and the fake walls that appeared to be the apartment’s boundaries, but you’d only realize that if you checked another of the similar units in the building and noticed this one was smaller. 

Jason landed them on the sill, and worked the window open. He didn’t bother with traps, because he didn’t use it often. Using it would have been a sure way to tip off the bats of its existence. No, this and other’s like it was for emergencies, and sometimes when he needed to stash a victim or witness somewhere safe temporarily. And even if someone should try to burgle the place, Jason had some decoy money there, a large flatscreen TV and some other easily taken electronics. It was unlikely they’d find the real supplies when there were easier money. 

He maneuvered them both inside, set Ghost on the couch and closed the window and the drapes. He pulled off his helmet and set it carelessly on the coffee table - it rolled off to land on the floor. Ghost had already seen his face and hopefully, he’d respond better to a human than a mask. 

Moving slowly, trying to make himself less threatening he kneeled down on the floor in front of where Ghost had curled up in the corner of the couch.

“Hey,” Jason said trying to sound calm, when inside he was everything but. He held out his hands in peace. “I’m not doing anything, I just want to talk.”

The emotionless goggles turned towards him. Jason got nothing from him, he only had the defensive body language to read him by.

“Please say something.”

Finally something happened, Ghost’s breath hitched and he reached up to push the goggles away. His eyes were red rimmed and blurry, and they closed as he rubbed at them. Still hiding his eyes he whispered so low Jason almost didn’t hear him, “-just want to go home.”

Jason lowered his hands and slumped forward. Letting him go would be the right thing to do, Jason could argue all the way till Sunday that it wasn’t safe for him right now, with his powers out of order, but that wasn’t why Jason couldn’t promise to let him go. He desperately needed answers. How did he make the pit silent? Was it just him or was there hope for Jason?

“I have questions,” he admitted.

Ghost slowly removed his hands. His eyes were blue and wary as he looked down at Jason. Jason held his eyes and he didn’t know what he saw in Jason as the moment stretched between them, like an elastic pulled to the point just before snapping.

Ghost looked away with a pained expression, and then, unfurling slowly, Jason felt that familiar yearning. Jason shook his head helplessly. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to help but didn’t know what to do.

“What do you need?” Jason asked.

Ghost looked back up momentarily and then away with a grimace. Shrinking in on himself. “Hey,” Jason said, frustration made him snappy, “I’m just trying to understand! It’s like you’re calling me, but I don’t know how to answer.”

That got Ghost’s attention, and his head snapped up holding his gaze intently.

“You can feel it?” He asked, and there’s this underlying desperate hope, shoved down by a voice desperately trying to hold steady.

“I can, and I just-“ He didn’t know what else to say, instead he reached out a hand to cup Ghost’s cheek. His eyes were wide and liquid and so blue before he clenched them shut and leaned into Jason’s touch with a small whimper. Jason didn’t dare breathe, as that small hum started, the one that was like a purr. Jason’s head was silent now, the underlying anger and frustration gone. In this moment he was just Jason. 

He didn’t even realize he was crying until tears spilled over his cheeks. He ducked his head. It had been some very long weeks. 

“How are you doing this?” He whispered, desperate to know. 

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Ghost answered hesitantly. 

Jason looked up to meet his tired eyes, the dark bags underneath his eyes were so dark and stark in his thin face he looked bruised. Jason looked away. Shame curled in his gut for pushing him this far. For being helpless not to give chase. He would have pulled his hand back if Ghost hadn’t still been leaning into his touch.

Quietly, he admitted, “I have this rage inside of me, you quiet it.”

“Hmm,” Ghost hummed thoughtfully with his actual voice, as he mulled over Jason’s words. “I’m pretty useless right now without my powers, so I don’t know if it’s anything I can help with permanently.”

“Okay,” Jason said quietly. Trapped in this strange bubble of quiet, desperate to break it he asked, “Do you wanna talk about what happened on the rooftop?”

The purring came to a stuttering halt. 

“That’s a no then,” Jason stated. Of course he didn’t want to talk about that, that should have gone without saying. Stupid. He sighed and stood up, drawing his hand back along with it.

“I’m just getting on the couch,” he assured when Ghost protested wordlessly. He sat down leaning heavily into the plush couch. After a moment he lifted his arm in invite. It took five long seconds before Ghost tucked himself underneath the arm. Jason squeezed him momentarily in a pitiful attempt at comfort, but it was all he could do. 

It took a moment but the purr started up again. The feeling of contentment washed over him.

Jason didn’t know how long he sat there, letting Ghost’s purr soothe his frayed mind, but he sat there so long he started to feel the temptation to just close his eyes and sleep. That wasn’t helpful. Ghost himself had fallen asleep at some point, he discovered, as he shifted and found him blinking awake startled. 

The purring stopped. Wary eyes watched him as he moved away.

“Easy,” Jason said lowly as if he actually was trying to soothe a feral cat, “I’m just gonna check to see what food options we have.” 

He watched until Ghost leaned back into the couch. His eyes were mere slits watching Jason when he turned towards the kitchen. 

Ghost needed to eat and making food was definitely more useful than falling asleep. He walked over to the cupboards, and couldn’t help but yawn as he did so. He opened the cupboards one by one, searching for something easy. A lot of the things here had technically expired and were mostly there for appearance sake. The dried herbs and spices, had probably lost most of their flavor, so actually cooking was out of the question, not to mention he didn’t have fresh ingredients here, but one of the canned soups would probably do fine. 

He turned, tomato soup can in hand to ask if that was fine only to find the couch empty. Carefully he set the can down, so he wasn’t tempted to throw it. His hand clenched into a fist reflexively with no can to hold. He walked over to the living room side of the room, just to make sure he hadn’t just moved. 

He wasn’t there.

He was gone.

Jason sighed and sat down heavily on the couch. Of course he was.

Nothing had been disturbed, not the drapes nor the windows. Everything was exactly as Jason had left it. His powers must have returned. Whatever Tim had done hadn’t been that long lasting, a couple of hours at most. He would have simply gone right through the wall.

Of course he had left as soon a he had a chance. Jason hadn’t given him reason to stay. He’d had his chance to talk and he’d wasted it just sitting and basking in his presence.

He leaned his forehead on his hands and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. 

He only had himself to blame.

-

So this happened... this is better/worse? At least they got to hug?

Anyways, I think I may go back to shorter tumblr parts now that these two chapters are done (if you're curious this is chapter 7 and 8 in my doc and that's what they'll be on Ao3). The last chapter really couldn't be split and this chapter only had terrible places to split it. Better to end on sad Jason.

You can subscribe over on the masterlist

Update: next