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purplesurveys · 3 years ago

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1479

When was the last time you watched a show for people younger than you? My sister and I watched the newest edition of Blue’s Clues - the one with the Filipino host! - a few months ago.

Have you ever snuck someone into your house before? Nah. My mom always has a way of finding things out, and with her it’s better to spit out the truth then play with her on a game you’re bound to lose anyway.

Would you rather have long or short hair? Shorter hair is fine, but I’m not a good look of just short hair, i.e. bob cuts and all that, on me.

Is there something your significant other does that bothers you completely? I don’t have a significant other, but the previous one was extremely selfish. Like, it’s unbelievable the lengths she would go to put herself first.

Do you get embarrassed easily? Not as much as before. In the past, the slightest discomfort would cause me to turn red and endlessly wince and replay the thing in my head. Nowadays, I can for the most part find the humor in embarrassing situations and make everyone feel less awkward.

When was the last time you changed your bed sheets? It’s been a couple of weeks but I do want to change it as soon as possible because Aki...baptized it a little bit last night, hahaha.

Have any of the wishes you’ve made, came true? Yes.

Would you rather eat something sweet or sour? Sweet, omg I hate sour anything.

Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross? Ok well, I definitely feel like I’ve taken this before but I’m too lazy to find another survey to start again haha, so off I go. Anyway, I remember not knowing what this was before (and subsequently looking it up), but this time around I really don’t feel like Googling whatever this is again.

Do you ever watch Degrassi: The Next Generation? I never watched it but I used to have a couple of internet friends in my teens who were super into Degrassi so I knew a thing or two about the show and like, who died and stuff hahaha. I wonder how Day and Lauren are doing now.

When was the last time someone kissed you on the cheek? Earlier today when I was at my grandma and cousins’ place.

How many best friends do you have? I have two, Angela and Andi.

What are two instruments you’d like to learn to play? Piano and violin.

What is your favorite letter? I don’t have a favorite letter.

Did you ever get bullied as a child or were you the bully? I was on both sides of the coin, to be honest. I started as a bullying victim, because apparently having a unisex name as a child is the magic recipe to being bullied to near oblivion...but when I got to grade school and started to learn how to like, stand up for myself, that’s when I learned I could get back at people if I wanted to, so I did.

Did you ever pretend you were a superhero as a child? To an extent. I liked wearing my blankets as a cape and fantasized about flying, but it never went anywhere beyond that, i.e. I didn’t make a superhero name, didn’t associate myself with any superpowers, etc.

When was the last time you watched fireworks? New Year’s, 2022. We have Chinese New Year in February too but I don’t recognize that holiday, so I didn’t bother watching the fireworks that could be seen from our house.

When were you last disappointed about something? A few hours ago. It wasn’t a major crisis lol – I just learned that my cousin’s girlfriend is not into sushi, so I can never get to have a sashimi date with her :((

Have you ever accidentally caught something on fire? Well I’ve never done this, but I’ve watched somebody else as she accidentally caught a table on fire.

Would you rather eat grape or strawberry jelly or jam? I dislike jam to begin with, but if I didn’t have a choice I’d pick strawberry. I’ve had strawberry jam in the past when I would order a croissant at Starbucks and I learned that I was fine with the taste *in the very slightest* lol so I’ll survive.

Do you like canned tuna? Like it’s nowhere near being a favorite food, but I have nothing to whine about.

Which would you rather have as a topping: mustard or mayonnaise? Mayonnaise. Unless it’s honey mustard, you’ll never see me trying pure mustard.

How many pictures are in your room? There are a handful. There a few prints, two posters, and one framed photo.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare before? Nope.

How many children would you like to have in the near future? Two kids is ideal to me, but idk if I’ll still ever have them.

Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above? I’m a vaper. I drink too, but not nearly enough for me to label myself as such.

Have you ever cried about something completely stupid? Of course. I’m sure everybody has at least once.

Do your parents ever send you to do their grocery shopping for them? No. I’ve volunteered in more recent years, but they’ve never gotten around to taking the offer hahaha. Thanks for reminding me! – I’ll raise it again soon; grocery runs sound more and more exciting to me as I get older LOL

What’s your all-time favorite song? I’ve never made it a goal to pick one. That’s just impossible for me...I go through different phases and interests and favorite artists in life, as I’m sure the next person does - and pinning my favorite down to just a single song would drive me crazy.

Would you ever think about getting your nose pierced? I’ve considered it many times in the past but my fear of anything sharp stomps any possibility of getting a piercing.

Do you know anyone who has a speech impediment? Yes.

Have you ever wanted someone to just go ahead and die? Uh, sure.

When was the last time you broke up with someone? I’ve never broken up with anyone, but I was broken up with last 2020. It’ll almost be two years.

Have you ever cheated on someone or been cheated on? Neither has happened. When was the last time you locked yourself in or out of somewhere? I lock my bedroom door on the days my mom is home, because she never knocks and I’ve had enough of it.

Has anyone of the opposite sex ever hit you before? Yes, my brother slapped me across the face before and he has not heard from me since then.

Do you have a cousin who gets everything you want? I’m past the age of ‘wanting’ stuff, to be honest...but no, I don’t seem to have any cousins who are spoiled rotten to the point of being ridiculous.

What’s your favorite gaming system? I don’t really have one.

When was the last time one of your friends betrayed you? It was in like 2019 when Patrice started this conspiracy/rumor thing about me...the details of that I no longer feel like going over because it’s stupid, but the move took me aback. It’s like, are we really still conspiring against other people in our 20s???? Lmao. I never even considered her a friend before that, so that instance only helped cement my already-not-so-kind feelings for her.

Have you ever wanted to just jump off the top of a building? Yes, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had that urge. Fortunately, it’s been a while since it last visited.

What is your favorite kind of fruit? Avocado.

When was the last time you thought someone was completely pathetic? Every day I encounter a Marcos supporter. Relatives very much included.

If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a few months old.

Is there something you want more than life at the moment? A month-long leave and if possible, I want a new job but get to retain the people I work with.

Have you ever had a significant other who hit you? Nope.

Has anyone ever called you stubborn? Yeah, many times. What is the meanest thing someone called you? Being called ‘useless’ really fucks with you for years.

Have you ever been paid to build something for someone? Nopes.

Are you a decent singer? Nah.

What color is your favorite hoodie, if you have one? Navy blue.

Would you rather wear hoodies or jackets? Hoodies.

When was the last time you were asked on a date? Ages ago.

Who is the one person you trust the most? Angela.

Who is your favorite comedian? I don’t have one. I’m not a super big fan of comedy.

Have you ever been so hungry you could eat anything at all? Sure. That’s what happens when you only eat one dish a day, hahaha.

Do you own any exercise machines? My mom does, but I never borrow those.

Where was the last place you went? I’m at a Starbucks now waiting for Andi so we can head to Ateneo and watch an indie wrestling show; but before this, I was at my grandma’s place.

#survey #surveys

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sarcasticfina · 3 years ago

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Fic Writer Tag Game

How many works do you have on AO3? 263

What’s your total AO3 word count? 4,901,188

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they? including the fandoms on FFnet, that haven't yet been moved over to ao3, that'd be a total of 37. separating the larger fandoms (marvel, dcu) into their individual parts: Thor; Arrow; Smallville; The Vampire Diaries; Glee; Captain America; Supernatural; Teen Wolf; Iron Man; Life with Derek; Firefly; Friday Night Lights; X-Men; Fantastic Four; Harry Potter; Sons of Anarchy; Girl Meets World; Batman; Daredevil; From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series; Transformers; Lost Girl; Game of Thrones; Banshee; High School Musical; The OC; One Tree Hill; CSI: New York; Degrassi; Gossip Girl; NCIS; The Unusuals; Criminal Minds; iCarly; Secret Life of the American Teenager; Twilight; and The Listener

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. and I wonder (if everything could ever feel this real forever) - darcy/bucky - Steve tells him that Darcy's harmless. Bucky imagines, on paper, Darcy is harmless. HYDRA wouldn't give her a second glance. But he does. He can barely keep his eyes off her. He's not sure he wants to. | Kudos: 5576

2. I Climbed The Tree To See The World (When The Gusts Came Around To Blow Me Down, I Held On As Tightly As You Held On To Me) - darcy centric | darcy/steve - The path to self-discovery, including becoming Coulson's assistant-slash-liaison-slash-bff, Captain America's lady love, and rating fourth on the SHIELD BAMF scale, was like the yellow brick road; it was chaos and confusion around every bend. | Kudos: 3973

3. Take a little piece of my heart (and keep it for yourself) - oliver/felicity - A collection of Olicity prompts on Tumblr posted here for easier access/reading. | Kudos: 3498

4. You put your arms around me (and I'm home) - darcy/bucky - A collection of Darcy/Bucky oneshots, drabbles, and prompt fills. | Kudos: 3293

5. you (anchor me back down) - darcy/bucky - "I'll be right back." Famous last words. | Kudos: 2747

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? not all of them. i do try to keep up on them, especially on longer stories when there's been significant wait times in between chapters, or when a reader is asking a question or is unclear on something. and especially when someone writes a really indepth comment/review, i like to respond to those and talk about motivations and character growth.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I've written a number of fics that either had suicide or major character death, so i'm not sure if one outranks the other in terms of most angsty... hmm... i remember "be still and know that I'm with you (be still and know that I am here)" and "light a match, burn the world to ash (I will watch it die, and hold your hand as I fly)" both got some pretty intense reactions when they were posted. And "It's Your Song That Sets Me Free (I Sing It While I Feel I Can't Go On)" was basically just angst from beginning to end. buuuuut, i think i'll say "so you think you can tell (heaven from hell" was, only because there's a build up of everything going so right, only to pivot at the end, so it feels very bittersweet.

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? i loooooove crossovers. i find writing in the marvel fandom makes things quite easy, but also smallville. as long as i can find a common thread, i enjoy finding a way to overlap two shows. i'll say the hardest one to write was "ruby red slippers (unavailable in her size)." I'm not sure why, but i found writing each personality together just felt strange. i liked the idea behind the story, but i definitely remember feeling like i was really forcing myself to keep going, like something just didn't fit right.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? oh, definitely. you cannot please everyone, it's impossible. for the most part, hate comes and i either argue back, take the criticism for what it's worth, or just ignore it when it's baseless. i think the hate that bothered me the most was a homophobic PM someone sent me re: "you know I will adore you ('til eternity)," on FFnet. i actually went and searched it up. they've since blocked me so i can't read our whole thread back and forth. but i did put part of it on tumblr so i could rant on it a bit, so you can see that here.

Do you write smut? If so what kind? ha. yes. depending on the story, it can be really detailed or really flowery. it depends on the ship, the plot, and how graphic i feel like being. i've definitely become more comfortable over the years with my writing. that said, i think everybody likes something different. i once had a reviewer tell me a sex scene was too much, just too intense. it was a stefan/caroline story and to be fair, that entire oneshot was just them fucking, lol, but it is what it is. to each their own.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Multiple times.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! for the record, i am always happy to have my stories translated and shared. i just like having a link sent to me and to be credited.

What’s your all time favorite ship? i have a list of OTPs, because interests change and as shows come and go, my love for a ship can be shelved for a while before it pops back up at random. currently, i can't get enough of buck/eddie from 9-1-1. and, historically, chloe/oliver (smallville) and felicity/oliver (arrow) have been two of my top OTPs. but i think i'd have to go with bonnie/damon. they had all the potential and the show dropped the ball by not exploring it. at the same time, that's kind of a blessing, because i don't trust those writers to properly explore what they had without eventually destroying it for the likes of de/ena. it means a treasure trove for writing where it could have gone and all the what if's.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will? the intention is always to finish. but given how i feel about allison mack and how that impacts my feelings re: chloe sullivan, pretty much anything with her as a main character is not something i see myself returning to.

What are your writing strengths? What are your writing weaknesses? i'm putting these together because my strength is my weakness. i love to write. when i get an idea, i go all in and i will skip eating and sleeping to just write write write. but i also eventually hit a wall and i get so many ideas that i hyperfocus on one until the steam is gone and then i hyperfocus on the next one to maintain that need to keep writing, accidentally leaving the last story in the dust for entirely too long. i also have clinical depression that comes and goes, which hasn't been super great mixed with covid and isolation, so more often recently, i find myself overly exhausted and despite wanting to write, can rarely get motivated to do so. so, pre-covid, wrote so much i left entirely too many stories dangling. during covid, i've just been reading and struggling to get myself focused enough to do what i love.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i appreciate the authenticity when possible, but i've recently been reading more about how native speakers of other languages feel when a) their language is butchered by google translate, or b) it's just not genuine in terms of how bilingual speakers act or speak.

What was the first fandom you’ve written for? it was smallville, but i remember adopting it out to someone else because i wasn't going to finish it. so if you look at my ffnet, the first fandom i wrote for appears to be x-men: the movie, but i remember writing a chloe/oliver story prior to that.

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written? i have a lot. i mean, on ffnet, i have 576 stories, many of which were transferred over to ao3, with a lot of oneshots and drabbles getting joined together into collections. so there's a ton to pick from that span a 14-ish year timeline.

"you know I will adore you ('til eternity)" and "let me break (the walls that surround me)" hold a special place in my heart.

honestly, each story is important in its own way. there are bits and pieces of each that i love. every time i write something new it feels like my favorite. my best. and then a new idea comes along. there are scenes i've written that i loved more than the whole of what they became. lines that stand out that are almost too good to be a part of the larger picture.

one of my all time favorite passages i've written was bonnie's thoughts on damon and herself in 'if you love me (let me go)":

He is far from perfect. He is a novel of red, corrective ink. He is frayed pages and torn binding. His life, his choices, his mistakes leave lasting effects on everyone he meets.

She is a lifeboat with a hole in it. An anchor that drowns in the sea while everyone else remains steady above. She is both the calm and the storm, and while she screams that she will not be tamed, she cries. Bittersweet tears that go unnoticed and uncared about.

there are other stories, other pieces of dialogue, that i've been proud of. that make me laugh when i re-read them. that make me cry. and i love them. there are others that make me wilt and cringe and regret. it's a process. love and pride and growth, all bound together.

Tagging: @absentlyabbie, @anonymous033, and anyone else who'd like to fill this all out, haha

#fic writer tag game #long post

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montosmadman · 4 years ago

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I was tagged by @soy-celeste ages ago. This was hard but also super rewarding because I really got to take a deep dive in the murky depths of my own music library. Thanks for thinking of me, Cata💕

Task: choose TEN SONGS that describe your personal aesthetic / how you see yourself. Bonus points if you write a little explanation for each song, that‘s not a must though.

List under a read more because it turned out really long and includes some very personal and possibly triggering mental health stuff.

I'm tagging @capitanogiorgio @hendos @furiousflamewolf @checoswin and @diegoalvesisgod

1. Nakashima Mika - 僕が死のうと思ったのは

The title loosely translates to "The reason I thought I'd die" or "The time I thought I'd die". Yes, I went there right off the bat.

Let's get something straight: I'm not suicidal. I have never been actively suicidal, despite struggling with depression and anxiety most of my teenage/adult life. However, what this song captures for me is the feeling when you're not actively thinking about killing yourself, but you do have this empty feeling when you think there's no point for you being alive. And that's something I'm very familiar with.

There are a couple lines I wanna highlight, even though the whole song hits me very hard whenever I listen to it:

その木漏れ日でうたた寝したら、虫の死骸と土になれるかな

If I lie down beneath the sunlight streaming through the trees, will I become like the dirt and insect remains?

あなたのような人が生きてる世界に少し期待するよ

If people like you are living in this world, then maybe it’s alright to hope a little too.

The first line does what I talked about to above: it's the feeling when you just lie down and wonder if anything would change if you just disappeared. The second line -- last one of the song -- has more hope. It's when you find a reason to believe in the future and realize there is still a reason to live. Personally, I'm trying to hang very hard on that last thought even when the world seems to be against me.

(Full translation in a pinned comment under the Youtube video)

2. The Ark - Little Dysfunk You

No essay here. I just needed to have The Ark on the list because they're the official soundtrack of my life, the first band whose album I bought myself, and who taught me it was okay not to fit in. I even have a tattoo that says "a little dysfunk" because my best friend and I have been relating to this song long before either one of us realized we weren't neurotypical. It's the very dysfunctional ode to our friendship, and I love it.

3. Elton John - Rocket Man

I feel like this might be a universal experience growing up neurodiverse and/or an outsider. You spend years feeling like you're alone in space, on another planet, and you want to connect with people but at the same time know that once you come back, you still won't be the person others want or expect you to be. The challenge is to accept that and realize it's okay and you don't need to change yourself for others. And it really is hard when you're raised in a society where the odds are stacked against you.

4. Sanni - Jos mä oon oikee

Look, I'm giving you something in Finnish too!

Sanni is one of the Finnish artists whose breakthrough I originally missed because I was living abroad. I only properly discovered her a couple years after moving back, when I was driving a lot for my work and hence listening to the radio much more than I used to. Her songs just kept standing out from the rest: her lyrics had this amazing depth even when she was singing about mundane stuff -- like, she was finding these painful truths I hadn't ever spoken but felt very clearly.

That said, I had to choose the one song that's actually very upfront with this idea of being an outsider and not feeling like a part of this world. The title translates to "If I am real" and that pretty much sums it up. It's a song about feeling lonely in the middle of a crowded room, feeling like no one sees you or cares what you do. I personally have this habit of taking a step back and observing people rather than getting involved -- and even when I do, it rarely feels like it's really me out there, because I'm so used to masking and acting like everyone else just to fit in, you know?

I'll finish this off with my favourite verse, translated by yours truly. The last line especially hits home super hard no matter how many times I hear it.

Rautatieasema maanantaina ruuhkaisa Kaikilla tuntuu olevan kiire ja suunta Mä oon ulkopuolella vaik seison sisällä Jos oon jo kotona miten voi olla koti-ikävä

The railway station on Monday is crowded Everyone seems to be in a rush and have a direction I'm outside even though I'm standing inside How can I feel homesick when I'm already home

5. Shobha - Last Exit To Freedom

Full disclosure: Degrassi has been one of my comfort series for many, many years. When this song was first introduced in Next Class, it hit me really hard because it was woven into this whole storyline about depression and suicide, which at the time spoke to me a lot. I repeat, I have never been suicidal, but I do get the headspace that could drive people into it.

However, listening to it again now, it's mostly the message of hope that shines through to me. It's a song that can take two very different readings depending on what your own baggage is. And the series actually acknowledges that later on, which I think is not only beautiful but also extremely important.

There's empty places in my life and I need to breathe There's empty spaces on the map waiting there for me

I've never felt more free than when I actually drop my responsibilities and just go where I want to go. I need that space to breathe, and that's why it has always been such a relief when I could just pack up and start over in a new place. Some might call it running away from my troubles -- and they wouldn't be completely wrong -- but that doesn't change the fact that I've always valued my own freedom above any arbitrary societal norms.

6. Scandinavian Music Group - Näin minä vihellän matkallani

SMG is another one of those bands I grew up on and have seen live several times, so they needed to be here. This song is more on the "aesthetic" end of scale than how I see myself. In fact, I've many times hoped I could be like the narrator of this song. I'll give you a couple of verses to explain:

Kun minulta viedään kaikki Autan kantamaan Ja kun lopulta kaadun Teen sen näyttävästi

When everything's taken from me I'll help them carry it And when I finally fall I'll do it with a flair

Minä vihellän matkallani Näin minä vihellän matkallani Jos sen on oltava niin Olkoon sitten niin

I'm whistling on my journey See how I'm whistling on my journey If this is how things have to be Then so be it

It's this carefree attitude. Laughing in the face of hardship and controversy. There's another amazing line about getting back to the saddle after you fall and swearing you'd do it all over again. I've never been able to do that, because I carry all my old failures and pains so close to the surface, and could never just shake them off with a shrug, no matter how minor.

But on another level, I keep hearing from people who I thought knew me that I don't seem depressed. And who can blame them: on the outside, it probably looks like I bounce back from hardships really fast, because I'm so used to masking my issues that the moment I'm physically capable of doing it, I will. So you might say this song is a picture of my outer self, though it hardly mirrors what's really going on.

7. Queen - Don't Stop Me Now

I'm a firm believer that if my life was a teen movie, this is the song I'd have playing in the final scene where I'd just go "fuck that" and started dancing with @mirkwoodstock in the middle of the parking lot of something. It's my ultimate party anthem, the one that always has me dancing and singing along no matter where I am.

Back when we were at the university, Nanna and I used to go to this rock'n'roll club in town and they'd always play Don't Stop Me Now close to the end of the night, and it really became our song. Like, no matter how shitty I felt, when it came on, I'd be there, and so would she. And that's why it also deserves to be on the list.

8. Blind Channel - Died Enough For You

Throwing a rare newer song into the mix. The moment I heard this song, I knew I'd be listening to it a lot. There's also an acoustic version if you're not a fan of the genre or if you just wanna have a different perspective. Blind Channel is also representing Finland in Eurovision next week, and I'm living for it.

Advertising aside, Died Enough For You takes me to some really dark times in my life. I've been in relationships, both romantic and not, where I've been carrying the other person and giving so much of myself, risking my own mental health (which was not that good to begin with) and not getting much in return. There comes a point where you have to prioritize yourself and admit that dragging yourself into the same abyss is not going help anyone. Unfortunately, usually it takes more strength to admit that and leave than to stay in the relationship that's hurting you.

I'm still talking to some of these people, but I've learned to give myself a permission to sign off when I notice that by helping them I'm only hurting myself more. Someone else's wellbeing cannot be my responsibility when I'm struggling to keep myself afloat. And I truly hope everyone who is supporting me also knows that.

9. Aqua Timez - 真夜中のオーケストラ

Title translates to "Midnight Orchestra". Yes, it's from Naruto. I discovered it back when I was still more involved in anime fandom stuff, and fell for it again year ago when I binged the anime when to lockdowns started, because I needed an escape.

And what an escape it was. Have you ever heard a song and immediately went "I need a tattoo of this", or is that just me? I'm probably not going to get a tattoo because I don't trust non-Japanese artists to get the kanjis right, but the song still captures something very real about loneliness that's not really visible but still very much there. Like, the moment when you meet a person you can truly relate to and for the first time realize you'd been feeling lonely all that time. That's what this song describes to me.

Below are a few verses towards the end of the song. I've bolded the one that first caught my attention (and which I still have as the title of my Japan sideblog).

真夜中の詩が叫んだ「僕ほんとうは独りが　嫌いだ　大嫌いだ」独りぼっちで　生きてゆけてしまうなんてこと

The song of midnight cried out "I truly hate being alone more than anything" I hate to go on living completely alone…

幸せなんて　小さなスプーンで掬えるくらいで充分なんだ分け合える人がいるか　いないかだけ

All I need is being able to scoop happiness with a tiny spoon so long as I have someone to share it with

(Full translation)

真夜中の詩は叫ぶよ「僕ほんとうは　僕ほんとうは　淋しかった」太陽の眩しさに　かき消されても

The song of midnight cried out "I was truly, truly… lonely" Even if I were to be erased by the sun's radiance

10. Jenni Vartiainen (Apulanta) - Mato

This song, named "Worm", was originally released by Finnish rock band Apulanta in 1997. The lyrics, while they might make sense as individual statements, are basically gibberish when you combine them into one piece and try to understand the meaning. There is none. Anyways, the version I chose is a remake by another artist, first performed on the Finnish version of The Best Singers format. It doesn't make any more sense, I just like it better because Jenni is hot and she made it so much fun.

And the reason it's on this list? Welcome to my brain, folks! Sometimes, especially when I'm overwhelmed by lots of external stimuli, my mind tends to just wander wherever the hell it pleases and make connections even I don't get. It also likes to forget the stuff I said just a second a go, so I can switch subjects on the go without even noticing. It's very soothing to have music that doesn't require me to make those connections when that happens.

And now, I shall close this massive post with the first verse of this masterpiece:

Minä tahdon ulos, tahdon ulos kattilasta Minä tahdon pelastaa vielä sinutkin kiehumasta Minä tahdon lentää ulos vessan ikkunasta Minä tahdon tietää kaiken teidän karkkimaasta

I want out, I want out of this kettle I also want to save you from boiling I want to fly out of the toilet window I want to know everything about your candy land

Stay safe and take care of yourselves my dears💕

#tag meme #long post #music #neurodiversity #mental health #tw suicide #tw depression #tw mental health #tw toxic relationship

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karenjacksons · 3 years ago

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An attempt at reviewing EVERY horror movie I watched in october

[[MORE]]

Truth or Dare (2017): not to be confused with the one with Lucy Hale and Landon Liboiron, although ironically they both star degrassi actors (and wow,does Ricardo Hoyos’ character suffer in this one!). I thought this was really thrilling,and tbh I was shocked to find out it’s a tv movie because it’s so gory. The ending seemed unpopular online, but tbh I loved the bordering on thelma and louise ending.

Polaroid: all in all it’s not very memorable,but tbh the plot twist about the truth about the cop and the girl who died was so heartbreaking and made me cry :(

School Spirit: apparently this is an episode of a tv show called Into The Dark,but Hulu has it as a movie. SPOILER ALERT: Farkle is the killer. i kind of laughed just because,you know,it’s Farkle,but I thought he was decent. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer: I somehow have never seen this. Now I finally know the origin of Brenda in Scary Movie…she’s clearly Brandy in this! (I loved Brandy in the movie. Happy they didn’t kill her off). Hated the ending.

Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism: literally don’t even remember this one.

Deadly Friend: LOVED this one! Kristy Swanson was so good! However, it has what has got to be one of the worst endings in cinematic history…

The Babysitter Killer Queen: the first one was way better,but it was fun. Obviously Samara Weaving’s borderlin cameo was the best part. Side note,but Jenna Ortega will always be Little Jane to me,i don’t think I can handle seeing her get killed in Scream 5 lol

Friday the 13th: Final Chapter: this one is weird because it has an iconic/amazing ending,Tommy and Trish are legends,but the parts without them…what even is the plot? They don’t even know any of the kids who get slaughtered. But again,amazing ending.

Endless Love: this is a You style horror movie and you can’t convince me otherwise. In fact,I think Penn Badgley might have taken inspiration from Martin Hewitt. Amazing movie. Friday the 13th: of course I love it and it’s a classic but SyFy’s airing butchered it! They cut out some death scenes….

Halloween Kills: YES. LOVED IT. Loved all the actors too.

The Stepfather: more of a thriller than horror. I loved it,but I think if I wrote it,I would have made it so Penn Badgley and Amber Heard’s characters were siblings rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. Partially because I hated the unneeded sexy stuff,but also because it would have fit the family theme better. (Fun fact: Skyler Samuels plays his actual sister,but she’s basically an extra. I loved seeing her so young though!)

Secret Window: again,more thriller than horror. Loved Johnny Depp’s acting but the ending was….a little off.

The Exorcist 3: love George C Scott and Brad Dourif in the movie. I wish they hadnt forced the director to make it an exorcist sequel though. (random fact: my dad worked at a bar Jason Miller would always go to in Scranton and says he was mean.)

Stage Fright: LOVE IT. Hilarious. The killer is extremely easy to figure out though. Also,Ephraim Ellis (Rick Murray) is in it. (so is Dan Levy, but it’s only one line).

Untitled Horror Movie: same director as Truth or Dare,starring and written by Luke Baines who played one of the main characters in that. My only real complaint is I wish they let Claire Holt keep her accent! Also,at first I thought they were all filming in the same house, but then I realized it’s just that their houses all look very similar.

The Collingswood Story: the og unfriended from 2002. Unfortunately it’s boring as fuck.

Dracula AD 1972: sadly he’s only onscreen for 10 minutes,but I love the campy 70s vibes!

The Rage Carrie 2; I actually loved it. Things I didn’t like: killing Sue (especially since it was an accident and I highly doubt Rachel would have killed her on purpose) and the plot twist where Rachel was Carrie’s sister was way too over the top.

Dracula Has Risen From The Grave: fun but I liked Dracula 1972 way better.

Last Night In Soho: THIS MOVIE WAS EVERYTHING! i don’t want to say anything else because spoilers but SEE IT IN A THEATER!

Strait Jacket: the ending literally made me cry….Joan Crawford really was a good actress…

#she speaks #this has spoilers for many random movies #I hope the read more works

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years ago

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How are you doing today? It’s only 1:56AM, but so far I’ve just ate a bowl of ramen and watched a couple YouTube videos. What was the best thing that happened to you today? My ramen was quite delicious, ha. Which cell phone network are you on? Verizon. Do you like the smell of cinnamon? Yesss. What was the last book you've read? I just finished, “The Secret She Kept” by Elle Gray and I’ve started, “Autumn’s Strike” by Mary Stone.

Are you hungry right now? No, I just finished eating. What was the last thing you've had to drink? Water. How often do you visit this website? I’m on Tumblr all the time. Do you like frogs? No. Are you afraid of dying? Yes. Do you like bananas? I love bananas. Do you like the show American Dad? Meh. It has its moments, but overall I’ll pass. I don’t ever watch it by my own choosing, I just catch it here and there because my family watches it. What TV show do you miss the most that's no longer on TV? Gilmore Girls, Degrassi, and True Blood come to mind first. Are you currently fighting with someone right now? No. Is your life full of drama? No. I have other stressful things I’m dealing with, but not of the drama variety. How long can you hold your breath underwater *shrug* Where's the last place you've been to out of state? When I went to Arizona to visit my grandparents about 6 years ago. Have you ever been kissed in the rain? No. What letter does your last name start with. -- What are you listening to right now? I’m watching Gilmore Girls. Have you ever had a pet that died? Yes. Would you rather use a trackpad or a mouse? Trackpad. Do you consider yourself politically intelligent? No, not at all. Have you ever done any volunteer work? Yeah, I’ve done a lot with Girl Scouts, school clubs, and class assignments. Do you like the Beatles? I like some songs. Is it night time where you're at right now? Yeah, it’s 2:08AM. Do you like steak? Nope. Do you eat healthy? No, I definitely don’t. How often do you work out? I don’t. What was the best gift you've ever received? I couldn’t possibly choose. Have you ever participated in a spelling bee? Nope. If you could have one wish right now, what would it be? Good health. Do you owe anyone an apology right now? I kind of do. Are you the jealous type of person? I can be, but it’s not something I feel much. Or at least haven’t felt in a long time. I feel envy more. Have you ever tried doing yoga? Nah. Do you like getting massages? I’ve never gotten one. Would you rather be too hot or too cold? Cold. Are you good at telling jokes? No, I’m pretty much the worst. I don’t tell many jokes. When was the last time you've attended a sleepover? Several years ago. Tell me one of your pet peeves. Eating sounds. Do you wear glasses? I do. Do you like to keep your nails painted? I haven’t painted my nails for the past few years. Have you ever had a pedicure? Nope. What is your favorite smell? I have several favorites. Do you like the TV show Full House? I do. Would you rather listen to country music or rap music? I like both. Are you a Duck Dynasty fan? Nope. Have you graduated high school yet? Uh, yeah, back in 2008. What kind of person were you in middle school? Quiet, shy, awkward. Nothing has changed. Do you have any major regrets in your life? I have a few. :/ Do you like pixie sticks? Eh. I did as a kid, but I don’t have much interest in them the older I get. Do you like French toast? Mmm, yes. Are you a fast typer? I am. Are you good at doing math in your head? Nope. Or at all. Have you ever played with Silly Putty? Yeah. Do you take in a lot of caffeine daily? I do. I love my caffeine. Do you like watching Football? Nope. Or an sport. What language do you wish you could speak? Spanish. Do you know a lot about history? No, I wouldn’t say that. If we could travel back in time, where would you travel to? Can I travel back to childhood? Would you ever consider joining the military? No. I couldn’t anyway, I’m physically disabled. Are you a cigarette smoker? No. Have you ever done something you didn't want to just to look cool? That’s kind of how it was when I used to drink and smoke. I wasn’t a big drinker or smoker, only did so socially, but still. I also did so on my own accord, I’m not blaming anyone, and I’m not going to say I hated all of it because I did have good times, but there was a big part of me that did so because I felt I had to. My friends liked to do it and I wanted to partake with them and not sit out on the sidelines by myself. It’s just that truth be told I think I would have rarely drank at all if it weren’t for that and likely would have never smoked. It had its fun moments, but I didn’t feel the need to partake all the time like they did. Do you like zombie movies? Nah. Have you seen The Hunger Games? Yep, all of ‘em. Do you have a favorite piece of clothing? All my graphic tees, t-shirt dresses, leggings, and lounge shorts. All my comfy clothes, basically. Do you own any Uggs? Nope. Are you wearing any rings on your fingers? No. Name a TV show that you absolutely can't stand. Most sitcoms today. Do you have any unusual talents? No. Or any kind of talent. Do you look like your age? *shrug* I’ve been told I look younger. Do you feel confident in a bathing suit? Nooo. Do you do a lot of online shopping? I do. Do you like the Harry Potter films? Yeah. Do you judge people based on their sexual orientation? No. I care about who a person is, their personality, and whether we vibe. Have you ever been told you had an accent? No. Have you ever ridden an elephant? Nope. Are you allergic to pollen? I do have seasonal allergies. Have you ever eaten sushi? Ew, yes. Not a fan. If so, do you like it? Nope. Are you a fan of anime? No. Would you rather play Xbox or Playstation? Playstation. Are you a big fan of seafood? I don’t like seafood at all. What kind of food are you craving right now? I’m good right now. Are you currently in a relationship? No. If not, are you happy being single? Yeah, it’s for the best. Do you like to go fishing? No. Are you a fast runner? I used to be. I don’t have the energy or strength anymore for that.

Have you ever worked at a fast food place? Nope. What's on your mind right now? Now I’m thinking about food cause of some of the previous questions. Are you texting anyone as you're taking this survey? No. Have you ever had a nasty rumor spread about you? No. Have you ever sent someone sexual pictures of yourself? No. Do you like who you are on the inside or the outside more? Neither. :/ Are you good at drawing? No, I have no artistic abilities. Do you know how to dance? Nope. What's your favorite reality TV show? Catfish, Teen Mom OG, Teen Mom 2, The Voice... Do you think Kim Kardashian deserves to be famous? I don’t care. Are you excited for Christmas this year? I’m always excited for Christmas. Do you celebrate Halloween? I mean, I put up some decor, watch scary movies, and partake in treats. I stopped dressing up and carving pumpkins a few years ago. Have you ever had a concussion? No. Do you pretend to be someone you're not? No. I certainly wouldn’t pretend to be... *gestures vaguely* this. Do you listen to heavy metal music? No. Were you sad when Michael Jackson died? I was just surprised. Do you have more upper or lower body strength? I barely have any strength anymore it feels like, but I used to have really great upper body strength. Have you ever been in a tanning bed? No, and never want to be. Do you like hot tubs? No. Do you know anyone who is battling cancer? No. Have you ever donated money to a charity? Yes. Do you get bored easily? More so nowadays. I didn’t used to. Have you ever peed your pants in public? Maybe as a little kid. Are you afraid of roller coasters? Yes, except for the Cars and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad roller coasters at Disneyland. Are you good at doing tongue twisters? Not really. What was the last movie you've seen in theatres? Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. Have you ever been to a drive-in movie? Yeah, a few times but it’s been a long time. I’ve been wanting to go to one, though. Are you good at doing fractions? Meh. I’m alright. Me and math don’t get along, but I could do some things somewhat. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas and Halloween. Do you prefer Apple or Android? Apple. Would you rather have a tablet or a computer? Computer. Do you like things that are touch screen? Yeah. What age did you have your first kiss at? 16. Do you regret losing your virginity to whoever you lost it to? I’m still a virgin. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Yes. Do you like the color lime green? Sure. What are your plans for tomorrow? I don’t have any. Would you rather wear jeans or yoga pants? Yoga pants. Do you like your clothes to be baggy and comfortable or tight and revealing Baggy and comfy. Do you wish you could change something about your hair? Yeah, it’s really not a good look right now. I pretty much chopped it off a couple months ago for reasons and it’s in that awkward phase as it grows out. I want it to be longer and dyed red again because currently it’s all natural and I don’t like it. Have you ever gotten a makeover? Yeah. Do you get mad easily? No. but I get frustrated and irritable easily. Have you ever punched someone in the face? No. Do you think the minions from Despicable Me are cute? Ehh. Did you have a Gameboy as a child? I did. Would you rather have chocolate or gummy worms? Chocolate. I’m not a gummy fan. What are your favorite pizza toppings? Extra cheese, garlic, green onions, spinach, cilantro, crushed meatballs, and pesto. Have you ever auditioned for a talent competition? No. I don’t have any talent. Do you make good sandwiches? I think theyr’e better from a deli or when my mom makes them haha but sure. Would you rather get high or get drunk? High. Have you ever failed a drug test? Nope. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? I actually haven’t seen them. What is one thing you need to work on to make yourself a better person? I have a few things I need to work on.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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twenty-nothing · 4 years ago

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OneHundredSeventyFour

Lasts

Who

Who was the last person you got into an argument with? What was it about? - I don’t even remember!

Who was the last person you spoke on the phone with? What was the call regarding? - Elaine, just telling me when we are going to leave

Who was the last person that slept in your bed? Are they a lover or a friend? - No one has actually slept in my bed besides me since I bought it 5 years ago lol

Who was the last person to give you a hug or a kiss? Did you return the sentiment?

- I think Elaine was the last to hug me, obviously I hugged back lol

Who was the last person to give you a gift? What was the gift? What holiday was it for, or was it “just because”? - Kayla gave me a galantines gift. A turtle towel, scunchies, car coasters and chocolate!

Who is the person that you last went to for advice? - My mom

Who was the last person to say “I love you” to you? What significance does this person have in your life? - My mom, she is obviously a big part of my life

Who was the last person that you spoke with, in person? - Elaine

Who was the last person to request you on a social media network - and did you accept? - Some person I don’t know from England

Who was the last person you texted or messaged, and what was it in regards to? - Texted my mom about some jobs I’m thinking of applying to

Who was the last person’s vehicle that you rode in? - Elaine

Who was the last person to make you laugh or smile, and why? - Elaine lol We just hung out so her name is all over this section. It was just a really fun day, our last laugh was about making fun of our old boss.

Who was the last person that you took a photo with? - Kayla

Who is the last person that you flirted with? Were you successful? - I don’t know, haven’t flirted in a while

Who was the last person to pay you a compliment, and what did they say? - My godmother said I’m a great person and I’ll have no problem finding a new job

Who’s the last person that you visited in the hospital? - I dont remember, it’s been a while

Who is the last person that you lent money to? - I’ve never lent anyone money

What

What was the last food that you ate? - Taco Bell chipotle melt

What was the last beverage that you drank? - Cherry Pepsi

What did the last pair of footwear that you wore look like? - Black sparkly slip on sneakers

What was the last color of pen that you used? - Black

What was your last thought before falling sleep last night? - Excited about hanging out with Elaine today

What was the last television show you watched? - Degrassi

What was the last board or card game that you played? - Phase 10

What was the last kind of bread that you ate? - Italian

What color is the last shirt you wore? - Burgundy

What was the last electronic that you plugged in to charge? - Phone

What’s is the last thing that you Googled? - Local hospital jobs

What’s the last concert you attended? - Luke Bryan

What’s the last sporting event that you attended/watched? - Local AHL hockey game

What was the last app that you downloaded to your phone? - Motivation app

What was the last video game that you played? - No idea, it’s been a while

What’s the last computer game that you played? - Sims

What’s the last injury you had? - I haven’t had a serious one in a while. My last serious injury was a hole in my lip I bit after having Novocain

What’s the last holiday or event (baby shower, graduation, etc) that just passed? - New Years

When

When was the last time that you took a painkiller, and what did you take it for?

- Extra strength Tylenol, for a serious headache

When was the last time you went to the bathroom? - A few minutes ago

When was the last time that you listened to music? Do you remember what the most recent song was? - About 15 minutes ago, W.A.P lol

When was your last work shift? - Feb 12th, I got fired lol

When is the last time that you had trouble falling asleep? - Maybe a week or so ago

When is the last time you saw your parents? - Saw my dad a few hours ago and my mom like a week ago

When was the last time you saw a significant other? - I’m single

When was your last year of schooling/education? - 2015

When was the last time you took a shower? - This morning

When was the last time you did anything sexual that went beyond kissing? - Holy fuck, it’s been a few years

When was the last time that you did your laundry? - When I was in college, my mom still does it now lol

When was the last time you had to use public transportation, and what form was it? - I took a plane back in 2018

When’s the last time that you were sick? What was wrong? - I had a sinus infection before Christmas

When was the last time that you hung out with friends/acquaintances? - Just got done hanging out with one about half an hour ago

When was the last funeral you attended? Who passed away? - My uncle, a year or so ago

When was the last wedding that you attended? Who got married? - Oh my god its been so long I don’t even remember

When’s the last time that you took a risk? What was the risk? - I don’t know, I don’t usually take risks

When’s the last time you mailed something handwritten? - YEARS ago

When’s the last time you got a haircut? - Back when the salons were able to reopen, getting another one in a few weeks

When’s the last time that you went swimming? - Been a few years

Where

Where was the last place you drove to, and what did you do there?

- Drove to Chili’s and Target. Got dinner and Lisa had to go shopping

Where was the last place that you went on vacation to? - Niagara Falls

Where was the last restaurant you ordered food from? - Chili’s

Where was the last place that you went on a date? - Local Mexican restaurant

Where was the last place that you went shopping at? - Target

Where was the last place you got lost? - Local hiking place

Where’s the last place that you walked to? - I just take walks around the neighborhood

Where did you last have sex? - My bed

Where was the last place you left your keys? - In my key holder in the kitchen

Where’s the last place you got drunk? - My house

Where’s the last place you embarrassed yourself in public? How did you do this? - I don’t know, it has been a while

Why

Why did you last cry?

- I was sad

Why did your last relationship fail? - He cheated on me

Why did you leave your last job? - I didn’t leave, I was fired because my boss was a dick

How

How long has it been since you last visited a doctor? How about a dentist?

- Been about a year. Dentist 6 months ago, I have a dentist appt next week actually.

How long does gum usually last when you chew it? - An hour or so

How long can you last in bed? - Pretty long lol

How long did your food last get microwaved for? - Like a minute

How many pages was the last book that you read? - About 250

How big was the last fish you caught? - It was average I’d say

How long was the last movie you watched? - An hour and a half

How long was your last relationship? - 9 months

How much did your last grocery bill come to? - $45

How difficult was your last exam? - I don’t remember. It has been years since I was in school

Randoms

Did you always get picked last in gym class?

- No

Do you believe that nice guys finish last? - No, they get to the front of the line with me

Can true love really last forever? - Yes

Give me the first initial of your last name? - S

Something you wait until the last minute to do? - Clean lol

Have you made your last will and testament? - No. I don’t own anything to have to make one

Something in your home that’s on its last leg(s)? - My laptop has been really laggy

Give us some famous last words! Yikes

#long #personal #survey #courtneyhelene

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gothamstreetcat · 4 years ago

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things i’ve been tagged in as of late (a masterpost):

I. tagged by - @avacrwder

hardcover or paperback / rent or buy / reads in silence or reads with music / standalone or series / annotations or pristine pages / ebook or physical copy / dog ears or bookmarks / mismatched series or complete set/ going to the library or taking whatever editions they have there / cover matters or you don’t judge / lend books or keep them to yourself / enjoys lit classes or despises them / browses shops or orders online / reads reviews or goes in blind / unreturned books or clean library record / rereads or once was enough / fanfic enthusiast or a stickler for canon / deep reader or easily distracted / must read the book before seeing the movie or order doesn’t matter / has neat bookshelves or messy bookshelves / skips ahead or resists temptation / reads aloud or in your head / guesses plot twists or never sees them coming

II. tagged by - @marthaskane

describe my blog tag meme

icon: camren bicondova wearing black lipstick with her hair tied up and in a turtleneck shirt aka the closest embodiment to me i’m going to get. i did try to recreate this photo for my blog but i suck at taking pictures of myself

content: i think when i started this blog it was a lot of spooky content and caryl content (walking dead). i am so sorry for the people who followed me for walking dead content and are still here, somehow. my blog has more or less morphed into a gotham blog and i am very happy about that. however, i will reblog any other content relating to the goth aesthetic, patrick melrose, good omens, and whatever holds my interest for more then five seconds

letter color: white

url: gothamstreetcat

header: an edit i did featuring batcat in an old catwoman comic no one can seem to stand

blog title: ‘bruce wayne die-hard’ I saw the word ‘die-hard’ once and decided i was going to use it

III. tagged by - @harlee-n & @lgbtrogues

Rules: tag 8 people you’d like to get to know better!

favorite colors: mostly black but i do like other colors in certain circumstances

last song I listened to: yesterday when i wrote this my playlist landed on taylor swift’s ‘peace’ and i’m sticking with it! but i’ve been listening to a lot of her last two albums these last couple days. particularly; london boy, cornelia street, illicit affairs, and i forgot that you existed

favorite musicians: i don’t think this answers the questions but i really like rock and roll and usually listen to the same bands and whatnot constantly. it’s shameful

last film I watched: fantasy island and it honestly wasn’t that good

last tv show I watched: degrassi

favorite character: do you want to see how many times i can type bruce wayne’s name onto this post? selina kyle is also top tier for me. lucious fox and alfred are both criminally underrated. death from sandman, crowley from good omens, joel miller from the last of us, lara croft from tomb raider. i love bridgit pike, harley quinn, poison ivy and jason todd because he needs more love then fans give him + probably a dozen or so other character’s i’m forgetting

sweet, spicy or savoury: savoury and sweet

sparkling water, tea or coffee: coffee first and foremost, sparkling water second (i like polar the best) and (iced) tea last

pets: i have a cat named isis (from batman tas) and a dog named coco

IV. tagged by - @avacrwder

rules: tag some people you want to get to know better

ships: mostly batcat

last song: betty by taylor swift

last movie: answered above

currently reading: not really anything right now

currently watching: right now i’ve been replaying the last of time in my free time

V. tagged by @avacrwder

top ten favs (i suck at top ten anything since there is very little that sticks with me and I ‘love’)

MOVIES:

it chaper one (2017)

birds of prey (2020)

joker (2019)

aquamarine (2006)

13 going on 30 (2004)

the rocky horror picture show (1975)

Holloweentown (1998)

it (1990)

spiderman into the spider-verse (2018)

spiderman (2002)

BOOKS: (i don’t even read books like that anymore but i’m also putting books i have on my audible)

good omens - neil gaiman & terry pratchett

between the devil and the deep blue sea - april genevieve tucholke

patrick melrose - edward st. aubyn

nos4a2 - joe hill

it - stephen king

miss peregrine’s home for peculiar children - ranson riggs

the perks of being a wallflower - stephen chbosky

ellen hopkins YA novels

perfect- natasha friend

milk and honey - rupi kaur

MUSIC:

daughter

elana tonra

dilly dally

ac/dc

halestorm

hayley williams

taylor swift (i’m putting taylor on this list because even though i don’t listen to her as hardcore as others, i genuinely do think she is very naturally talented)

ozzy osbourne

shunkan

the cure

TOP TEN (CURRENT) (TAYLOR SWIFT) SONGS: (since that’s all i’ve been listening to the last couple days)

peace

my tears ricochet

illicit affairs

seven

paper rings

london boy

i forgot that you existed

daylight

cornelia street

the man

TV SHOWS:

gotham

jenna marbles (youtube)

pennyworth

good omens

degrassi

the harley quinn show

birds of prey (2000)

touch

desperate housewives

batman the animated series

(+ BONUS) VIDEO GAMES:

the last of us

the last of us part II

life is strange

life is strange II

the tomb raider franchise

particularly angel of darkness

elder scrolls: skyrim

the sims 4

alice madness returns

the batman games

VI. tagged by - @avacrwder (i am so sorry but i just copied this from the post you tagged me in)

Elements | tag

AIR

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch small animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love dimly lit diners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids’ shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan* / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love the chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

* i’ve been making more of an effort to add vegan alternatives to my life. i want to go vegan completely but lately i’ve just been really down and wanna eat whatever i want. however, my favorite switch that i made was finding a vegan coffee creamer i like! it’s the silk almondmilk creamer and if bees had knees they would live wherever that creamer is made. it’s the best.

i am so sorry for everyone who tagged me in things and didn’t may it onto this post. thank you all so much because it does mean a lot to me. i am going to tag everyone i love but please know participation is always optional. you can either do one of these, all of them, or none. i also think one of these asked for my current time, it is 10:32 in the afternoon

tagging - @avacrwder (you know i had to tag you just one more time) @marthaskane @brvceselina @apple-grass-and-smiles @stevie-harrington @waynesmanvr @saltybatman @queergordon @keepswingin @sonyarebecchi @selinascatnip @jennasmarbles @twoheartsoneclara @drawing-cookie @harlee-n @yoko-goto @honestmrdual @clara-oswin-oswald @callmeredhood (+ anyone who wants to)

#guys. i am so sorry #i had this all worked out yesterday and then deleted the post #i'm so sad #tag games #about me #my brain nearly fried at the top tens

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the-observant-frisbeetarian · 5 years ago

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Chapter 5 - Ben, Jerry and Alfred

La Patisserie de la Rose by George deValier

CHAPTER FIVE Ben, Jerry and Alfred

By mid Sunday afternoon, Matthew still hadn't managed to drag himself from the couch where he had fallen the night before. After almost a month in this city, the small grey apartment living room he lay in still wasn't completely furnished. A low, uncovered coffee table stood between the only couch and the television, while only a small bar fridge sat in the adjoining kitchen. Most of Matthew's belongings were currently in suitcases or in storage, which would make things easier, he supposed, when he moved town. Which, after the events of the previous evening, should be any day now.

Matthew lay against the nest of cushions and pillows he'd made for himself, steadily making his way through an entire bottle of maple syrup as he watched ancient re-runs of Degrassi High on the soap channel. The silly Canadian melodrama was only making him feel worse, but he could not summon the energy to change the channel. Matthew couldn't summon the energy to do anything but lie, unmoving, trying unsuccessfully to forget and regret the entire last week of his life. But he couldn't. All he could think of was Francis.

Matthew swallowed another gulp of maple syrup, ignoring the slightly queasy feeling growing in his stomach. Okay, so he'd met a nice guy, had a good time, and it hadn't worked out. So? That sort of thing happened all the time when people dated. Probably. Matthew wouldn't really know. Regardless, it wasn't a big deal. Francis just wanted something different from what Matthew was looking for. Francis wanted a short-term fling. Matthew wanted a relationship. And he was being all silly and upset because he had mistakenly believed Francis wanted the same. But really, this was good thing, Matthew tried insistently to tell himself. It was a relief to know, now, before anyone got really hurt. Besides, Francis wasn't even the type of man Matthew would normally look twice at. Too showy, too brash, too much. But he was also funny, and sexy, and strangely charming - and Matthew had fallen for him headfirst after only a few days.

Matthew shook that last thought from his head. No, he was not going to continue being distraught over this. He was not going to mope and cry and mourn over a man he barely knew, however special that man made him feel; however bright he made the days; however brilliant his eyes or perfect his smile or captivating his laugh or… Matthew gritted his teeth, squeezed the maple syrup bottle, and abruptly hurled it at the TV. "Oh, Caitlin, when will you learn?" he shouted at the ridiculous soap opera on screen. "Joey's only going to keep hurting you!"

A knock sounded suddenly at the door, loud and long and frantic. "Go away," Matthew muttered, hugging a cushion to his chest. The obnoxious pounding refused to stop, however, so Matthew reluctantly got to his feet and dragged himself across the room. He groaned the second he threw open the door.

"Matt, thank goodness!" Alfred spoke breathlessly, a huge overnight bag slung over his shoulder and overflowing plastic bags in his hands. He looked like he had run all the way from America. Knowing Alfred, he probably had. "I came as soon as I could!"

Matthew blinked in surprise. Of all the things he did not expect on his doorstep today… "Why?"

"Why?" Alfred looked incredulous. "Because you rang me at 3am to tell me you were moving to Antarctica. Please don't move to Antarctica, Matt! That's, like, near Poland or something. What are we supposed to do at Christmas?"

Despite himself, Matthew felt his lips twitch in a tiny smile. Trust his kind, foolish, misguided brother to turn up on his doorstep, in a different country, after a simple late night drunken phone call. "I'm not moving to Antarctica, Al. People say things they don't mean when they're upset."

Alfred breathed a sigh of relief, pushed past Matthew, and headed straight to the kitchen. "Good. Although I hear the weather's nice, and living with the kangaroos would be kind of cool. Now I know you're upset, so I brought you ice-cream."

Matthew followed slowly, his heart sinking just a little. Just what he did not need when trying to forget Francis – to be reminded of the one other man who had broken his heart. "You thought, after being dumped, that ice-cream would make me feel better."

"Ice-cream makes everyone feel bet…" Alfred's eyes widened guiltily. "Oh shit, ice-cream was your thing with that Cuban guy, wasn't it? Okay, forget the ice-cream. I also have…" Alfred dropped the dangerously full bags onto the kitchen bench and rifled through them. "Snickers and skittles and twizzlers and ooh, gummi bears, and coke and creaming soda and…"

"Alfred."

"Yeah?"

"Give me the damn ice-cream."

Matthew again sat nestled into his layer of pillows, staring unseeing at the TV, already on his second tub of Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough ice-cream smothered in maple syrup and washed down with copious quantities of coca-cola. Alfred sat beside him on the couch, resting his feet on the candy-littered coffee table, onto his own second tub of Ben and Jerry's AmeriCone Dream. Alfred had quickly hijacked the remote control and had so far scrolled through the cooking channel, a black and white French film, and an old episode of 'McHale's Navy,' all of which reminded Matthew of Francis in one way or another. Alfred was now glued to 'Ice Road Truckers,' which seemed fairly safe. However, despite his best efforts to the contrary, Matthew kept bringing the conversation back to Francis.

"Fifteen, Al. FIFTEEN!"

Alfred whistled. "Must've been sore in the morning."

"But how is it possible?" Matthew gestured with his spoon and ice-cream container, trying to make sense of the logistics. "How do they… where do they… how does everyone even fit? Even if they divide into pairs there's one left over."

"He's probably the one holding the camera."

"Sailors, even." Matthew knew he shouldn't be thinking about this, but he simply couldn't stop himself. Images kept drifting through his head of Francis in various naked acrobatic positions with a veritable legion of faceless men. Most of them wearing little blue and white caps. "Sailors, Al! Have you ever slept with a sailor?"

Alfred paused, thinking, his spoon in mid-air. "No. I almost slept with a coastguard once. Does that count?"

Matthew shrugged dismissively. "Sure, why not."

Alfred dove back into his tub of Ben and Jerry's. "What about you?"

"I've slept with two men, Alfred. Ever." Matthew waved two fingers in Alfred's face. "Two. Meanwhile, Francis has apparently slept with the entire Royal Canadian Navy."

Alfred nodded sagely. "I bet it was the submarine fleet."

Matthew shook his head, the images starting to overwhelm him. "I can't talk about this anymore. I can't. I'm going insane." He dug out a huge spoonful of ice cream, devoured the lot, then immediately asked, "Do you know what he asked me when we first met?"

"To look over his stock portfolio," Alfred answered immediately.

Matthew narrowed his eyes. "Why does everyone assume I'm an investment banker?"

Alfred looked apologetic. "It's the suit, dude."

"He asked if he could give me a hand. Just like that." Matthew attempted to imitate Francis' heavy accent. "'Can I give you a hand by any chance?'" But even as he spoke derisively, Matthew could picture Francis standing there in his bright, warm patisserie, smiling gently and gesturing gracefully and looking at Matthew like he was the only person in the entire world…

Alfred whistled again. "Well, he's got balls."

Matthew tried to laugh, tried to mock the flashy Frenchman. "He was always like that. Always 'mon cher' and 'my dear' and 'darling…'" Always kind and sensuous and charming… Matthew stabbed his ice cream angrily with his spoon and grumbled. "I mean, how pathetically contrived can you get?"

"Dude. He sounds like a total queen."

"Yes. Well, no. He's just… stupidly charming."

"Bastard. Want me to kick his ass?"

"Yes. Wait, no! Damn it, I'm not talking about this. I'm not thinking about him. I'm changing the subject." Matthew took a swig of coke, passed the bottle to Alfred, then tapped his spoon against his chin. Why was he completely unable to think of anything else? "Okay, you change the subject."

Alfred shrugged. "How's work?"

Matthew groaned. What a terrible change of subject. "Awful. Boring." The only thing that made it bearable was the anticipation of seeing Francis again… Matthew shook the thought from his head and tried to pay attention to 'Ice Road Truckers.' "I think I should quit being an accountant."

Alfred looked at him, startled. "Really?"

"Yeah." Matthew immediately began considering his options for changing jobs, moving town, and forgetting the last week in this city had ever happened. He gestured to the screen with his spoon. "I could do this, you know. I could move to Alaska and be a trucker." The solitude, the cold, the ever-present chance of falling through a hole in the ice. It sounded rather appealing. "In fact, I think I might."

"That'd be cool," said Alfred, impressed. "You could be on the show and everything. Or you could move to Louisiana and catch gators. Or be a bounty hunter. Ooh, Matt, be a bounty hunter!"

"Hmm. There's a thought." Matthew gave Alfred a tiny smile. "You could join me."

Alfred gasped loudly. "I totally could! Matt, we'd be so awesome, busting crims and wearing leather and drinking in taverns and we'd be…" Alfred's face froze in some sort of silent comprehension, his wide eyes lighting up. "We'd be like Boba Fett!"

Matthew laughed, easily remembering just what he missed about Alfred. His brother could always make him smile – even when he frustrated the hell out of him. "We could start an agency. The 'Williams-Jones Fugitive Recovery Service.'"

"Dude, that'd be so cool, except…" Alfred's face fell. "Except the NFL's got me under contract for another two years at least."

Matthew smiled softly. "Oh well. Maybe one day." Both brothers went back to their tubs of Ben and Jerry's, dreams of bounty hunting quickly forgotten. "How is work going, anyway? I heard you won some little game last week."

"Yeah," said Alfred, through a mouthful of ice cream. "The Super Bowl."

"Is that what that was?"

Alfred nodded. "Yep."

"Huh. That's sort of a big deal, isn't it?"

"Little bit, yeah."

Matthew raised his spoon. "Well done you."

Alfred touched his spoon to Matthew's in a toast. "Cheers."

Matthew suddenly felt a little guilty. He had gone over the last week three times and the previous night's party twice, yet had neglected asking anything about Alfred's life. He started by asking about Alfred's boyfriend of less than a year. Matthew had only met the Englishman a few times, but he liked the man, and they got along well. "How's Arthur?"

"Oh, you know. Same as always. Cranky, cute. Annoyingly British." Alfred smiled dopily. "Perfect."

Matthew glared through narrowed eyes. "Some solidarity, please?"

Alfred had the good manners to look a little guilty. "Oh, right. Well, um… last week he tried to cook dinner, and made me clean up."

Matthew shook his head dramatically. "Men."

Alfred snorted. "Bastards."

And then, again, Matthew's brain was flooded with thoughts of Francis. Memories, and emotions, and that dull, sick ache of desperate grief. He stared blankly at the wall as it all fell on his shoulders, fell like a cold stone in his chest. "Really, I should have seen through him. I should have known what Francis was doing. It shouldn't have taken a week. It shouldn't have taken his cousins and his friends to hammer the truth into my thick head." Matthew remembered the humiliation of standing in that doorway as Francis' friends and family laughed, the horrifying realisation that he was just another of Francis' conquests. He swallowed heavily, his cheeks burning with the memory. "It felt like they were all laughing at me. Or feeling sorry for me. I don't know what's worse."

Alfred sighed quietly, sadly. "Oh, Matt."

Matthew laughed bitterly. He laughed to keep from crying. "I should have seen it before I got dumped."

Alfred spoke softly. "From what you've said, it sounds like you dumped him."

Well, that made Matthew stop and consider. "I suppose I did, really, didn't I." He tried, unsuccessfully, to gain some satisfaction from the fact. "Huh."

"Well done you," said Alfred, raising his spoon and grinning. Matthew stared at him, then breathed out heavily as he tapped Alfred's spoon with his own.

"Cheers, I suppose." Matthew sighed again, threw his spoon into his almost empty ice cream tub, and ran a hand wearily through his messy hair. He felt so lost and empty with these thoughts of Francis running through his head. "I really thought he liked me."

Alfred spoke decisively. "Of course he liked you."

Matthew scoffed. "If anything, he just liked my ass."

"Well, you do have a nice ass."

Matthew laughed, then tried again to glare. "Stop it. It's not funny."

Alfred just shrugged, smiling. "You know, maybe - and I'm just putting this out there, so don't get all pissed off - but maybe he really did like you, Matt. Maybe you were different to all those other guys he dated. You are pretty damn special, you know. Maybe he saw that."

Matthew felt a brief warmth in his chest, then nodded. "Thanks, Al. But I heard all I need to hear. Francis doesn't have relationships - he has sex. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's my fault for thinking it was something it wasn't."

Alfred shook his head. "I've told you this a hundred times, but you're too damn nice, man."

Matthew ignored that. "But you know the worst thing? The absolute worst thing about this whole stupid situation?" Alfred looked at him silently, and Matthew had to swallow heavily before he could continue. "It's too late. I'm already completely in love with him."

Matthew suddenly felt sick. Because it was true. He was in love with Francis: he was in love, and it was over. He was in love, and he would never see Francis again. Never smile teasingly at him through lowered lashes; never brush his hand against Francis' arm across a colourful patisserie counter. Never again hear that smooth, lilting voice call him 'darling,' never feel those warm, soft, insistent lips on his. Matthew dropped the ice cream onto the ground, leant his elbows on his knees, and put his head in his hands. It was over. 'It' had never even really happened. This whole week had been a game to Francis, one of thousands he'd played before – just a way to get Matthew into bed. But to Matthew, it had been the best week of his life.

Matthew felt Alfred's hand rest lightly on his shoulder, and silently thanked his usually oblivious brother for knowing exactly when his words weren't wanted. Matthew just squeezed his eyes shut, took a deep breath, then slowly lay down on the couch. "I'm going to sleep now," he managed to choke out through a tight throat. "I want to sleep forever."

"Okay, Matt." Alfred gently patted his shoulder. "I'll be right here, okay?"

Matthew nodded into a cushion. "Thanks, Al."

After an entire miserable, sleepless night and a whole wretched day of bad food, worse television, and encompassing despair, Matthew fell asleep almost instantly. He did not hear Alfred turn off the TV, did not feel the blanket placed over him. And he did not notice the text messages his brother sent and received on the couch beside him.

How is your brother?

passed out from ice and coke overdose

ice-cream, coca-cola

Oh. Poor bloke.

i know, hes gonna put on like ten pounds

Like you can talk.

you love it

Oh yes, Alfred, I love the way you're developing the incredible skill and highly enviable ability of balancing a beer can on your stomach.

yeah keep texting baby your getting me hot

I sincerely hope you are being as sarcastic as I was. I'll ask again. How is Matthew? Will he be all right?

dont know, hes real sad, i think he actually loved this francis guy

Francis? The man he was seeing?

yeah, french bastard, francis bonnefoy, baker or some shit

arthur?

arthur are you there?

helloooooo?

arthur if you dont text back im gonna call you

asdfgshjsfjkah

…huh? arthur are you alright?

Alfred, be a dear and go book me a hotel room.

what? why?

Because I am not going to crash on your brother's couch like some sort of unwashed Australian backpacker. I'll be up in the morning - I'll ring you when I arrive.

your so random arthur. hey what are you wearing?

arthur?

Constant, heavy, wind-swept rain pelted relentlessly at the front window, turning the usually warm and bright room dark and cold. The entire dull, grey afternoon seemed to seep into the patisserie, the unfamiliar atmosphere mirroring Francis' own state of misery. He leant against the front counter, chin in his hand, staring blankly at the far wall. This was the first rain in a week. The first rain since that startling, unexpected, glorious Monday morning when a shy, gorgeous accountant had sheltered in his store from the weather. The rain that day was beautiful: it had brought Matthew into Francis' life. The rain today was bitter, and lonely, and brought him nothing but despair.

Francis was still amazed at how much could change in seven days – it was hard to believe it had only been a week. One week in which Francis had changed more than he ever thought possible. One week in which he had gained hope and love and happiness and lost it all. Matthew was light and air and joy; without him, the colour had gone from the world. Now everything just seemed, well, dull. Dull and grey. Francis sighed and turned his eyes to the door, grateful for the lack of customers and silently begging them to stay away. He was not doing his best work today. Francis suddenly remembered that stupid family legend he had told Matthew by the river a few days earlier, and realised he'd had it all wrong. It wasn't love that destroyed talent. It was heartbreak.

Some part of him still blamed his friends. Francis had immediately stormed from the party on Saturday night, devastated and furious, determined never to speak to Gilbert or Antonio ever again. 'Never again' turned out to be little more than a day, however, since Francis had finally answered one of Gilbert's constant phone calls early that morning.

"Uh, hi, man."

"Hello."

"How ya going?"

"Fine."

"Uh, good. Good. Thanks for the personally monogrammed Gucci wallet. Sorry I didn't open it in front of Matthew. I know you only gave it to me to look impressive in front of him, and I'm probably gonna lose it or something, but it's still a pretty awesome gift."

"Yes. It is."

Silence. "Man, I'm really sorry."

Francis sighed. "I know, Gil. You were just doing what you always do. What we always do. It was just… incredibly unfortunate timing."

"If it makes you feel any better, Roderich's angry as all hell with me. That's probably got more to do with the lap dance though… Anyway. Francis, I… look, you're pretty awesome, you know? I'm sorry for ragging on ya. You do what you want to do, and, well, who you want to do, and that's awesome too. You're my best friend, and I just want you to be happy. So if you like Matthew… if you love him… then you'd damn well better go after him. He's one hell of a lucky guy."

"Oh Gil, I…"

"Don't you dare get sappy on me, man. This conversation never happened, get it? I know where you live!"

Seconds after Gilbert hung up, Francis finally answered a call from Antonio.

"Francis! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it, I wasn't thinking, I'm an idiot! You're my best friend in the world and please don't hate me and I don't know what I'd do if you never spoke to me again and…"

"Antonio, calm down. We're cool."

"Oh. Ohhhh! Oh, thank God, I… okay. Okay cool. I have to go now, Lovino has the day off and we're going shopping for golf clubs and ponies. You go after Matthew!"

Francis had spent the rest of the day contemplating his friend's advice. He'd rung Matthew's number exactly thirty-three times without any response. Maybe he should just turn up at Matthew's door – but what if Matthew ignored him? What if he wasn't even there? Francis' stomach turned unpleasantly. What if this was it? What if he never saw his sweet, funny, perfect Mathieu again, all because of a foolish misunderstanding? He could not bear the thought. Francis listened to the rain echoing his sadness against the window, then almost jumped when the little bell jingled over the front door. Francis looked up at the two men entering the patisserie, began a greeting, then stopped short. One of the men - the tall, well-built blond - looked incredibly similar to Matthew, though slightly less handsome of course. And the other…

"Merde!" Francis quickly ducked to avoid the bright pink cupcake that hurtled towards his head. It smashed into pieces against the wall behind him.

"You wine-swilling, snail-eating, bed-hopping BASTARD!"

Oh shit, merde, no, how, where, why, oh God WHY… "Arthur!" Francis cried out in a mixture of false delight and genuine horror from where he crouched behind the counter. "What a pleasant surprise! What hole did you crawl out from, my ros-bif friend?"

Arthur ignored the question. "Still playing the same tired games, Francis old boy?"

"...calling me old..." Francis muttered, raising his head slightly behind the counter. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Arthur's face was twisted in fury. He looked exactly as Francis remembered. "Never you mind that. This time, darling, you chose the wrong guy to play with. THIS time, YOU'RE the one who's fucked. With a ridged rolling pin. WITHOUT lube."

"But Arthur, darling, you always liked that." Francis ducked again. This time it was an entire lemon meringue pie that splattered spectacularly against the wall. "Oui, d'accord, sorry, okay." Francis stood slowly, his hands raised in surrender. "Arthur, my dear, did you really track me down simply to attack me with pastry? It seems a little excessive. We were together for three days. You dumped me via billboard. Using my money."

The man by Arthur's side looked suddenly terrified. "You what?"

Arthur just shouted. "You deserved it, frog! You slept with fifteen sailors! And FILMED it!"

Francis put his head in his hands. He really wished people would stop mentioning that particular episode of his life... Why was he even dealing with this right now? "Arthur, you told me it was over!"

The tall blond laughed. "Oh, he tells me that every day. You're not supposed to believe him." Then he suddenly stopped laughing, his eyes going wide. "Wait a minute - you know each other?"

Arthur rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Blimey, you're quick. Alfred, meet Francis – an ex-boyfriend, and a right bloody wanker."

Alfred raised his hands to his chest, his expression horrified. "Arthur, you slept with my brother's boyfriend? That's, like, incest!"

Francis let out a deep breath, understanding dawning. "Alfred? Matthew's brother?"

"Yeah, and MY boyfriend, and he can kick your arse because he's bigger than you and he plays football!" Arthur had the good sense to look slightly embarrassed after this remark. Alfred looked quite pleased.

Francis rolled his eyes. At least it was a relief to know that Arthur was here on Matthew's behalf, and not because of some three day affair almost ten years earlier. "Arthur, you sound like a fourteen year old girl. Congratulations on the win last week, Alfred."

Alfred grinned. "Thanks, dude. Wait, no. I'm angry at you! Matt's moving to Alaska and becoming a trucker because of you! I SHOULD kick your ass!"

"Alaska? Trucker?"

"Do it, Alfred! You hold him down, I'll punch!"

Francis raised his hands again, desperately seeking some sort of foothold in this mad, rapid, confusing turn of events. His little shit of a British ex was standing in his patisserie, along with Matthew's football star brother, and apparently they were lovers. This was too much to deal with on a Monday afternoon. Francis reached under the counter for a tray of pastries. "Honestly, my dears, are we in primary school here? Can we not sit and talk like adults? Here, have an éclair."

Alfred's eyes lit up as he hurried forward. "Ooh, éclair!"

Arthur threw an arm across Alfred's chest. "No!" He glared at Francis. "Keep those pervy things away from innocent American eyes. Alfred, have a cupcake."

Alfred cheerfully took the red velvet cupcake Arthur handed him. "Ooh, cupcake!"

"Now he's taken care of, you can explain yourself, frog." Arthur placed his hands on his hips. His styled sandy-blond hair, his narrowed green eyes, his perfectly-pressed tweed suit – what had Francis ever seen in this little queen?

Francis folded his arms and glared back across the counter. "I do not have to explain myself to you, Arthur. I've done nothing that deserves an explanation."

Arthur scoffed loudly. "Excuse me? Through your typical, philandering ways you've set in action a chain of events which have led to me standing here, talking to you - something I'm sure you remember I swore I would NEVER do again. You've caused Alfred and I several very early morning tearful phone calls from Matthew. You've made Alfred run out the front door at five a.m shouting something about his brother moving to Antarctica. But most of all, you've broken the heart of one of the nicest, kindest, most genuinely decent blokes I've ever met. And I think that deserves an explanation."

Francis dropped all attempts at bravado after the mention of tearful phone calls and broken hearts. He was completely distraught at the thought of Matthew torn up like that. He stared at the counter, at the tray of ridiculous éclairs, and felt like smashing them to the ground. "Is Matthew all right?" he asked softly.

Alfred looked up from his cupcake, his expression gravely stern. "No. No, he's not."

Francis felt sick. "He won't answer my calls."

Alfred shrugged. "He put his phone in the freezer."

"What am I supposed to do?" Francis ran his hands through his hair, let out a frustrated sigh, and tried not to kick the wall. He did not even care now who he was speaking to, barely noticed these two men in front of him; he thought only of his darling Matthew and how much he missed him and wanted him and… "He won't listen to me. He won't let me explain. He overheard all these things that mean nothing, he thinks I do not want to be with him, he thinks I was using him, and..." Francis paused to breathe, to calm the overwhelming anxiety in his chest. "And nothing could be further from the truth."

Both men regarded Francis suspiciously. Then Alfred spoke. "Okay. First of all, this cupcake is incredible."

Francis couldn't even affect his usual proud, polished routine. He just mumbled, "Thanks."

"Now," continued Alfred, drawing himself up to his full height, his apparent attempt at intimidation ruined by the red icing on his lips and fingers. "You're saying that you do like Matt? As more than a fling? As more than a trick?"

"As more than anything." Francis looked Alfred in the eye and spoke with every ounce of certainty he possessed. "I'm completely in love with him."

Alfred and Arthur glanced at each other, eyebrows raised. Arthur turned his still-suspicious eyes back on Francis. "You? In love?"

Francis shrugged. "What do you want me to say? How do you wish me to explain this? I've spent my entire life not even realising I was searching for something. I've made mistakes, and I've had fun, and I won't apologise for it. But in Matthew, I found everything I never knew I was looking for. He is the only person to ever make me feel like this. I love him, and I miss him, and I will do anything to convince him he is the most wonderfully unique person I have ever known."

Again, Alfred looked at Arthur. "What do you think?"

"I don't trust him," hissed Arthur. "I still think we should kick his arse."

Francis did not even know why he was explaining this to them. Maybe because it was easier than explaining it to himself. "It does not matter if you believe me." Francis closed his eyes and sighed. "None of this matters if I can't say it to Matthew. If only I could get him to listen…"

"All right, Frenchy, here's the deal." Alfred finished his cupcake, licked his fingers, then pointed at Francis. "I'll get Matt to talk to you, but I've got a couple of conditions."

Francis was caught between gasping in exhilaration and snorting in derision. How tiresome – this was like some sort of medieval courtship ritual. But if it meant he could somehow speak to Matthew… Francis gritted his teeth. "Do go on."

Alfred counted off on his fingers. "One – if you upset Matthew, I will kick your ass. Two – if you upset Arthur, oh boy, I will KICK your ASS. Three…" Alfred paused for a moment and licked his fingers again. "I'll take a carton of those cupcakes."

Francis rolled his eyes. "This talk of 'ass-kicking' is growing a little tedious, my dear. Regardless…" Francis nodded, the chance to see Matthew and explain everything too much to risk. Anticipation fired through his nerves and hope rose in his chest. "It is a deal, mon ami."

Next Chapter

Disclaimer: This story belongs to George deValier. Hetalia belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya. I own nothing.

#la patisserie de la rose chapter 5

8 notes · View notes

heart-holes · 6 years ago

Text

mlm asks under the cut bc im tryna wake myself up to do homework

Are you in a relationship? nooo but i have a boy who i love and whomst loves meee....its complex

Do you have a crush on someone? If you do tell us about them. mhm he’s really smart but about things i dont understand and he’s very kind and goofy and has a voice that melts my hearttt

What’s your ideal boyfriend/enbyfriend? someone who understands me intellectually and can learn to understand me emotionally

What is your ideal perfect date? april fifteenth because-- no um i like going for walks in the woods as a date. one of the best dates i’ve ever been on we just went to a junk yard and wandered around and then found a lil spot to sit and make out for a while it was cuuute

Have you ever smooched a boy/enby? oof these are for people much younger than me aren’t they. yes, i have smooched quite a few boys and nonbinary people (but actually no girls, i think?)

If you went on a movie date what movie would you go see? i don’t really like movies tbh, this is like the opposite of my ideal date bc you can’t talk or touch or do other things while you’re watching...

What video games would you play with your boyfriend/enbyfriend? my ex and i played all sorts of things together (planescape torment in particular </3) but right now? i’m not sure. maybe co op games? overcooked? smash?

Are you a hopeless romantic? no, i’m a very hopeful romantic

Do you daydream a lot about your crush or boyfriend/enbyfriend? yep! im a daydreamer 4 sure

If you were going on a dinner date where would you go? hm...depends on how fancy i’d honestly just prefer to have my boyfriend buy me ingredients and then cook a nice meal 4 him otherwise maybe kim’s? that’s the cheap korean restaurant near our college lol

Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue? i used to be able to but i’m not sure anymore, i’m out of practice

Have you been to pride in June? If not would you like to go and if you have gone how was it? yep! been three times, once in high school and twice in college. in high school it was a little weird bc i was really sick, but i was the head of the GSA at the time and it was the first time we’d ever made it 2 pride as a school, so it was a big deal. last year my friend’s ex came along and kind of ruined the day for us lmao. this year we had a GREAT time, we went for one of my friends’ birthdays and it was their first time ever going to pride and being like out-ish in public. i made some chalk art, we took photos, we yelled at the rainbow washing corporations and got to ask a leather dom if we could pet their dog (a person in a fursuit). (they said yes!)

When did you realize you weren’t straight or cisgender? i’ve been not straight for goddamn ever like, i probably knew i liked girls by the time i was in like sixth or seventh grade. and i remember considering that i was not, myself, a girl, in like...second grade, and then not dealing with it again until high school lmao

Would you consider yourself an affectionate person? to a select few, yeah

What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone? ooh, hard to say. i took someone for a middle of the night walk that led us to a river full of frogs once, and we had our second kiss there and i’m sure i’ve made a lot of romantic gestures for various other partners but i’m like, having a hard time remembering them oh one time the junkyard date person and i had a really nice date where we just went and sat in the woods and drew for a while and that was like, really great

If you had to cook for your partner what would you cook? depends on what they wanted! i’m very good with stir frys, i can make steaks, i can do various kinds of chicken...

Where would you travel with your partner if you two could go anywhere? i don’t have a partner so i dont really know the boy i’m seeing (TM) has visited finland before so maybe there...

If you wanted to get your partner a gift what would you get them? i like to make art for my partners tbh

Do you write love letters to your partner? i love writing letters in general so yes!

Do you write poetry or songs? not generally For People but yes to both, more poetry than songs

Favorite Lgbt+ movie? i haven’t seen very many of them to be honest...the Favourite was excellent, though! saw that in theaters!

Favorite Lgbt+ show? also haven’t seen very many of those! lmao degrassi had a trans man on it way the fuck back in the day, but that’s not great representation, nor are renly and ser loras...ya i got nothing o wait does Moomin count

Favorite Lgbt+ fictional character? slkdfjsldkfj i really cannot think of any of them ser loras of the flowers is deffo up there for me whoops sorry

Favorite Lgbt+ youtuber? skip

Favorite Lgbt+ singer? ryan beatty!

Favorite Lgbt+ meme? lmao it’s moominpapa with a glock

Favorite Lgbt+ book? always gonna b a soft spot in my heart for Annie On My Mind lmao

Favorite Lgbt+ artist? keith haring, dubiously basquiat

Favorite Lgbt+ celebrity? kevin abstract or kristen stewart

Favorite Lgbt+ tumblr blog? uhhhh peteseeger

Favorite MLM/NBLM tumblr blog? cowboymlm

Favorite petname(s)? sunshine, baby, daddy lmao

Favorite date spot? woods

Favorite dessert? really good baklava will drive me insane tiramisu is good too but reminds me too much of my ex

Favorite love song (or favorite song)? favorite love song: a nightingale sang in barkley square favorite song: hm rn it might be...cupid? by ryan beatty

Favorite thing to wear? my favorite sweatshirt and some black jeans

Favorite animal? frog, probably?

Favorite type of Milkshake? chocolate!

Favorite month? september :3

Favorite mythical animal? hmmm i love me a big foot or a loch ness monster

Favorite flower? dandelions or marigolds or roses

Coffee or tea? coffeeeeee

Sweater or Hoodie? depends! i have a lot more sweaters but i do love hoodies

Fall or Spring? both!

Winter or Summer? summer, i think

Frozen yogurt or Ice cream? ice cream plsssss

Cuddles or hugs? hmmmm hugs

Little spoon or big spoon? little spoon unless i am comforting the other person, in which case i am big spoon

Gazing at the stars with your partner or watching the sunset together? oh both of these sound lovely

Movie theater or park date? PARK

Forehead kisses or kisses on the cheek? cheek kisses are kinda hot forehead kisses are cute

Sitting on their lap or laying your head down on their lap? laying my head down! pet my hair!!!

Circus date or fair/carnival date? kind of neither tbh but like, i guess fair?

Strawberries or cherries? ooh hard question. strawberries i think, but i looove cherries also

Peaches or plums? peaches!!!

Matte or glitter? GLITTER

Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kream? dunkin lmao i’m a northeast boy

Flamboyant or reserved? flamboyant usually, sometimes reserved

Pastel colors or dark colors? neither give me that neon

Cats or reptiles? B O T H

Doughnuts or Bagels? oooh both. doughnuts maybe a little more tho

Pastel rainbow or regular rainbow? regular rainbow

Cowboy partner or Goth partner? either but i tend to lean a little more toward goths

Yeehaw or be gay do crime? i say both, but i say yeehaw more often

Video games or board games? board games pls god i love a board game

Plushies or figures? plusHIES

The sun or the moon? the sun!!!

Bears or dogs? BEARS

Red roses or white roses? pink or yellow roses are myy faves actually

#mine #text #long post

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abdicatedarchive · 4 years ago

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Lexi’s House Party || Juliette and Stevie

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: hallgay @ lexi’s house party // 29th of january.

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: juliette x stevie ( @chrysolites ).

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒: underage drinking.

𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒: the gays have a private talk in the hallgay.

Stevie took Juliette's hand and brought her over to the hallgay, making sure to not look suspicious in front of everyone at the party. They had to look like friends. Just friends. "Hey, Hastings." she said casually with a smile on her face. "You doing okay?" she leaned in a little closer as she spoke. She still could not believe everything that her and Juliette did and tried to do when they went clubbing with the girls.

Juliette looked up at Stevie with sad eyes, "Yeah just not ... super into partying tonight" said the girl. She was racked with guilt over the text messages she read the next day. When Juliette had promised to come out to her parents, Stevie had texted that they could finally be happy. Juliette didn't know Stevie was unhappy. "Are you mad at me?" she asked nervously, "It's okay if you are, I promise I'll make it up to you".

Stevie noticed how sad Juliette looked. She immediately went to grab her hand but stopped herself before looking around the room. "We can leave if you want to, we'll go wherever you'd like." she said with a small smile, hoping to cheer her up. It was times like these where she wished she could hold her girlfriend in her arms or give her a simple kiss on the forehead. She blinked a couple times when Juliette asked if she was mad, "Why would I be mad at you?" she shook her head.

Juliette looked around to make sure no one was in the hallway or possibly listening, "In your texts you said that we could finally be happy" said the girl apprehensively. She felt like she had really been letting Stevie down, "I just don't want them to kick me out or send me off to boarding school or something, you get that ... right?" she said, looking up at her very nice and tall girlfriend.

A wave of guilt washed over Stevie as Juliette brought up that text. Once she read back over the texts the next morning, she was more scared than anything. She didn't know how her girlfriend's parents would react, and Stevie didn't want her to be in any bad situation because they decided to drunkenly announce that Juliette was gay. On top of that, she'd say she has a girlfriend, and it was Stevie. Stevie wasn't good enough to date a Hastings, or at least that's what she believed. "No that's not- I... I didn't mean it like that." she shook her head. "I am happy, really. I just meant we could show how happy we are to others." she tried to explain. "I, yeah I get it. I know. I don't want anything to happen to you." her voice got soft as she nodded her head. Sometimes the privacy would frustrate her, but that frustration would turn into guilt. Stevie had it good. She had accepting parents, not everyone does.

"You are the most amazing girl to ever walk the planet" said Juliette with a soft smile, still feeling that guilt from the empty promises she made. "Could we watch degrassi after the party?" she asked. The girl was thinking about reaching out to hold the other girl's hand, how simple that was, to hold someone's hand. But she couldn't, and it was her own fault. All of it was Juliette's fault. But she loved her so much, and nothing said i love you between the two girls like asking to watch degrassi and fall asleep next to each other.

Stevie chuckled under breath from the compliment she received, "I don't know, I think that title goes to you." she gave the girl a quick wink as she spoke. She was worried she was starting to make Juliette feel pressured to come out. That night of clubbing was not what she was expecting, and though she really regretted the texts she sent, she was grateful for her friends for helping out. "Season 10?" she suggested with a smile. "But we'd have to watch the Shark in the Water video first. You just have to."

"I don't know how much watching I'll be able to do" she teased with a wink. She wanted to get closer with Stevie like that, especially if she wasn't able to give her the public relationship she wanted. It wasn't pressure at all, she wanted it. "C'mon. One drink won't kill me" said the girl heading over to the drinks table and pouring herself a mixed drink, "I wonder what or who Livvy is up to right now" she said as she took a long sip.

Stevie looked down at Juliette with a smirk, "I'll make sure to keep you entertained." She walked over to the drinks table and poured herself a drink as well. "One drink sounds good to me, let's try not to get too carried away this time." she let out laugh, hoping to lighten that previous situation. "I fucking hope she's hooking up with someone. She deserves to have some fun after all the bullshit she's been through."

Juliette took a sip of her drink, and laughed a little, "shut up" she said with a playful shove, "you're lucky you're cute" she added quietly. Juliette knew she had it good: an understanding girlfriend who just got everything about her. "I wonder who it would be from school? There's only going up from Jesse right? I have no idea how attractive he is. I mean he's got like ... a nice face?" she said, thinking about it. "Olivia is obviously a 10, so it's probably hard to find someone, right?"

"I am cute, thank you for noticing." Stevie flashed her teeth as she smiled widely. "Not as cute as you though." she added in, just to be cheesy, before taking a sip from her cup. "Definitely, no ones acting like more of a dick than he is right now." she responded, still bitter about her arguments with the boy. "If we're talking about physical appearance, then yeah, I think he has a nice face? Your guess is as good as mine." she said with a laugh. "Olivia? Definite 10. Maybe someone on some sports team? Some are pretty cool."

"Olivia is a definite ten" said Juliette nodding in agreement, "What about the tall one? The guy who is like 6'5", the girls in my PE class are always talking about him. Lemon? Lennon? Oh yeah it's like Lennon Paul, two beatles for the price of one" said the girl with a little laugh to herself as she took another sip of her drink.

"That fucking skyscraper? Solid choice." Stevie nodded in approval. "Not saying I'd want Jesse to get upset if that were to happen, but I think it would be pretty funny if he did get upset." she said before laughing along to Juliette's joke. She was so cute. "Let's hope she has some fun by the end of the night. We might just have to play matchmaker if she doesn't."

"OOOOOH, we would be great wingwomen" said Juliette with a smile, "But knowing Livvy, someone's gonna try to get with her tonight without any of our help". Juliette took a sip of her drink and swayed to the music coming from the other room, "More than one probably" she added, "that'll piss Jesse off for sure"

"We would be. We'd make sure she has the best guy." Stevie said proudly. "You're gonna have to get the information on all of this in that groupchat of yours later on." she said as she was looking over at Juliette. She was simply admiring her as she swayed to the music, smiling like a dork at her. "You guys ever talk about me on there?" she asked, nudging her softly.

"Oh I can definitely do that" said Juliette with a little giggle, thinking about the group chat when Stevie asked if they ever talked about her, "That's a great question, think about whatever you talk about in your group chat and there's your answer" Juliette replied, looking at Stevie and raising her eyebrow. Juliette took a sip of her drink and smiled.

Stevie stared at Juliette in silence for a minute. She was a smart girl, she was definitely not going to mention that they all talk about Chanel Hampton in there. She didn't want her girlfriend to faint. "We keep it pretty PG actually. It's called simp nation for a reason. Just gushing about our girlfriends." she said with an innocent smile.

Juliette raised an eyebrow, "You talk about me in there now?" she asked, wondering how Stevie had talked about her in the last three days now that people knew. "Well I usually just ask for advice in my group chat" Juliette replied to the initial question, "one time Gabrielle asked me how gay sex works, it was really funny" she said in a hushed tone, followed by a giggle.

"People asked how you were doing since that night, so that's all I've really talked about. But you know Chase, Wren, and Jonah. They can't stop talking about their girlfriends." Stevie tried to say casually, hoping that Juliette wouldn't find out that the boys knew way before Tuesday. She couldn't help but laugh at what Juliette said, "Chase had brought up scissoring once in ours. He was definitely joking but it got a chuckle out of me. Those little heteros."

"I think Chase jokes around Gabrielle and that's why she's inherently misinformed" said Juliette with a little laugh. Oh Chase. "So what are you planning on doing tonight? Like ... after this. This is a really bad segue, but I was just wondering if you would brave the Hastings house tonight?" she asked, quickly taking a sip of her drink.

"Makes sense, he's always joking around. I don't know how she keeps up with it." Stevie laughed it off, she loved Chase. He was a special being. She looked down at her girlfriend with a smirk on her face before hiding it quickly with a sip of her drink, "I think I got some spare time for that." she teased the girl. "Is this another Degrassi night? Just like last time?" she asked quietly.

Juliette smiled with her mouth on the rim of the cup before putting it down on the counter, "I think we deserve a little more fun than that" she added quietly with a wink. "Do you ... want to get out of here?" the girl asked, a blushing smile sweeping across her face.

Stevie's smile grew as Juliette spoke, she didn't want to push anything, so she didn't like to ask for too much too often. Hearing Juliette's suggestion was a win in itself, she'd never say no to that. "I think we should. It's getting pretty boring here anyways." she said as the smile remained on her face before walking out of the party with her. //END

#juliettexstevie #threads || stevie and juliette #stevie and juliette || 012 #juliette: lexi's house party

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the-chaotic-neutral · 7 years ago

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I’m so unprepared this year! Due to a lot going on in life, I didn’t have time to watch either of the semi-finals or even pregame with the official music videos! So that means I’m going into the finals 100% cold. I feel both unprepared and excited. I haven’t gone into finals without research and preconceived judgement before. I have no idea what each country’s songs will be like or what style their stage shows may take.

So here’s to art, entertainment, and surprises! 🥂

Opening performance by TK. Last year’s winner, Salvador Sobral, championed authenticity (sometimes to the ire of other contestants and fans) and it feels like

I’m watching the US broadcast this year, which is presented by Logo and hosted by Ross Mathews and Shangela. Since Eurovision is still relatively new to the USA, and very new to Shangela, this broadcast is a perfect entry for American viewers. Ross explains the basics along with the idea of the Big 5[foot]The Big 5 are the countries that have contributed the most amount of money to Eurovision which guarantees them a spot in the finals without competing in either night of semi-finals. They are [/foot]. It’s also available as a live stream on Logo’s Youtube channel regardless of your TV package, so it’s accessible to literally anyone to watch.

01. Ukraine – Mélovin “Under the Ladder” A vampire rises. The song isn’t great, and the performance suddenly loses some of its exoticism when it becomes apparent that he’s singing in muddled English and not Ukrainian. It gains some back when his entire set catches on fire (on purpose).

02. Spain – Amaia & Alfred “Tu canción”

Super cute! Simple staging and great chemistry between these two makes this performance so damn endearing! But they’re really early and not much of a spectacle, so I worry they’ll get buried by later performances.

03. Slovenia – Lea Sirk “Hvala, ne!” She’s trying to throw down tough and maybe come off like Pink, but that’s hard when she’s got a huge, goofy grin on the whole time.

04. Lithuania – Ieva Zasimauskaitė “When We’re Old” A slow, sweet ballad with holograms. Holograms can be a real risk in a show. It can be a neat effect, like when Australia used it for a Minority Report computer interface, and it can be the show-stealer, like when it’s a nude clone with wolves. This came of as middling, especially because she seemed to reign in her own vocals. It felt more like a verse of a song rather than a full performance.

05. Austria – Cesár Sampson “Nobody but You” Great job utilizing the stage and lighting as a single performer, but this song is not up for the job.

06. Estonia – Elina Nechayeva “La forza” Estonia has a history of visually impressive performances, and this is not a disappointment. With this, the world comes one step closer to the Diva from The Fifth Element. Her voice is great and her dress is all projection mapping! This is how you make a strong impression while pushing the vocals to the forefront.

07. Norway – Alexander Rybak “That’s How You Write a Song” Shoobidoo dap dap, shoobay doop hay, that’s how you write a song.

No it’s not. This an adorable performance with incredibly inaccurate instructions on song writing. Major props on playing the violin, and the whole thing is really endearing, but I think it’s too breezy to stick in this competition.

08. Portugal – Cláudia Pascoal[h] “O jardim” This is the home team, the current champions, so they have a lot to live up to. I don’t know if it’s authentic enough for Sobral but I’m loving it.

Anyone else get a total Lola vibe (from Degrassi) from her? These are not the same person.

09. United Kingdom – SuRie “Storm” I’m getting Annie Lennox redux. Her song is not the Tim Minchin song, disappointingly, but this is one of the best UK contestants in years. Many of the Big 5 countries, which can go straight to the finals, seem to phone it in or at least submit very generic pop. This is the first time I can remember actually enjoying the UK contestant.

10. Serbia – Sanja Ilić & Balkanika “Nova deca” (Нова деца) Amazons and the grim specter of death! And discotheque! Unfortunately the visuals are the best part of this group. Their song is meh and I don’t think I’ll even be able to remember what they sounded like the next morning.

11. Germany – Michael Schulte “You Let Me Walk Alone” Really touching, personal ballad. The stylized screen show behind him came off as far more effective than the holograms. I was really surprised at how honestly the whole thing came off touching. The song and accompanying performance are all about Schulte losing his father, and that personal connection does a lot to elevate this from just another pop ballad to a standout act. Also Schulte looks like Philippe and I had a son together, so I am very proud of my boy.

12. Albania – Eugent Bushpepa “Mall” This is clearly a grunge or metal band performing their first ballad before they go soft. Okay song, but could have been more specific to Albania or the band performing it or, well, more memorable in any way. And the disconnect between the look and the sound is jarring, disappointing, and lackluster.

13. France – Madame Monsieur “Mercy” Velcome to Sprokets. Just a reminder that this isn’t Germany’s submission. Okay, enough about their look. There’s a fundamental problem with this song here, though the song itself is good. It’s a really good song about real life baby born on a ship of refugees fleeing to Europe. This song would have been great on an album, but in a music and performance competition the nuances get smoothed out and the striking visuals take, no pun intended, center stage. I’ll probably come back to them as a band, but think that they’ll be lost when the voting starts.

14. Czech Republic – Mikolas Josef “Lie to Me” The year is 1994. The soundtrack is The Mask. The costume is Minkus from Boy Meets World. The inspiration is Fresh Prince of Bel Air. The performer was having fun, so I guess that’s nice. And that’s really all I can say about it.

15. Denmark – Rasmussen “Higher Ground” Do you like vikings? Do you like Silent Bob? Do you like when people take a theme (in this case, All Aboard) 100% literally? Well, have I got the group for you!

16. Australia – Jessica Mauboy “We Got Love” And the Bland Award goes to… The only words I can think of to describe this is “Europop” and “gyrations”. There’s nothing more to say.

17. Finland – Saara Aalto “Monsters” The remix of this song could be a club hit, but not this version. As it is now, there’s not enough bass or and energy for a club and not enough complexity for a pop hit.

18. Bulgaria – Equinox “Bones” I can’t be the only one that sees this guy and thinks black Jack Black.

The song itself was not all that great, but as a group their voices sounded great together. Similar to France, I’m not a fan of this one but I am intrigued enough to keep an ear out for the rest of their singles.

19. Moldova – DoReDoS “My Lucky Day” They’re introduced as a folk-pop group but… well, that must mean something else in Moldova. They have the presentation of a Laugh-In skit and the emotional range of a Bar Mitzvah DJ team. Hard pass.

20. Sweden – Benjamin Ingrosso “Dance You Off”

SCENE I. A desert place

Thunder and lightning. Enter three Witches

First witch

Performance of Bieber

Second witch

Face of Ephron

Third witch

Song of Timberlake

I’m assuming that’s how this performer was summoned. An amalgam of safe bets, it’s no surprise that the song is generic yet appealing. Coupled with a great use of stage lighting, I don’t really like this one but I’m betting it’ll be a contender.

21. Hungary – AWS “Viszlát nyár” Yet another country who’s music submission seems to be off by a decade or so. The look screams Fall Out Boy but the music is more of a mid to late 90s pop metal. Whatever their inspiration, I spent way too much time trying to remember what forgettable bands they reminded me of and had no time to actually pay attention to them.

22. Israel – Netta “Toy” Yasss! Netta! And then… Okay, so I am very much not crazy about the Asian appropriation, but I’m here for everything else. The whole kimono and maneki-neko motif is just not sitting right. Please, you can do but. But her amazing sneer, the bizarre incorporation of the chicken dance, and the dance-able Tel Aviv music is killing it! Also, it’s great to see my homeland with something that’s not some punchable dude-bros on a beach.

23. Netherlands – Waylon “Outlaw in ‘Em” When you think of the Netherlands, what comes to mind? High taxes? State supplied health care and other services? How about Ted Nugent tributes and awkward krumping? Well, it will from now on.

24. Ireland – Ryan O’Shaughnessy “Together” This is the reason that China lost the finale broadcast rights. The musicians are recreating the Broadway show Once while a So You Think You Can Dance routine plays out with two dancers. Honestly, I kind of loved this. It was intimate and sincere and lovingly executed. One of my favorites of the night.

25. Cyprus – Eleni Foureira “Fuego” Oh no! Cyprus has read from the Necronomicon and opened up a rift in time! Ash Williams, come save us! This is Cyprus expect a danceable track. Because that’s what you’ll get. Also, every year there seems to be a Beyonce impersonator. Just saying.

26. Italy – Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro “Non mi avete fatto niente” I immediately see this one as a real contender. Not because I love the song (I don’t) but because it’s engineered with brutal efficiency. It perfectly balances poignant lyrics, earnest performance, and a solid song. The lyrics come up on the video screen with stylized fonts, rolling through various languages in a brutal and brilliant method of bringing in the world audience. You could maybe find a performance that is better in each category, but none so perfectly balanced across the board as Italy’s.

And now we wait for the votes to come in and be tallied. There’s always a lot of confusion about how they work so I’ll break it down to the best of my knowledge for y’all.

The jury votes. Each competing country has their own jury of voters that rank a top ten list. Then points are portioned out to their picks, with a top 11th award getting 12 points.

Public votes. These are given out based on the call-in voting from across Europe. This are announced second as they completely reorder the competitors.

If that sounds convoluted, it is. And purposefully so. The system was designed to draw out the suspense of the announcement as long as possible. So really the jury votes set up a baseline that can be completely overturned.

And impressions of this year? Well, I’m happy that the “white dress and a ballad” phase seems to be over. No clear style came out as a successor so maybe next year we’ll see a clear group-think strategy emerge.

My top picks, in no particular order, are:

Estonia

Portugal

Germany

Israel

Ireland

And I want to draw attention to a few more musical performers from Portugal, that weren’t in the competition but performed in the opening and closing segments. Mariza, Sara Tavares, and Mayra Andrade all caught my attention. So if you’re actually looking for new music in the midst of this spectacle, those are a few people I’d like to draw your attention to.

After an insane amount of re-ordering, and a long stretch when it looked like bland-as-bland-can-be Austria might win, Israel won! I am so happy, as that was personal pick. I figured Italy would take a high place in the public vote, and they did with 3rd place.

However, I think I would have preferred that Germany (my precious boy) would have won, as I do worry about Israel hosting Eurovision and all of the possible repercussions. Between the security issues of the people to go, and the political statements of the people who won’t, it’s going to be interesting. So now we can all revel in the greatness of Toy (if not the Orientalism of the performance) for a year. In the meantime, I’ll start a betting pool for how many countries will pull out of Eurovision between now and then.

NEXT TIME IN JERUSALEM! !השלב הבא בירושלים

I watch Eurovision because I know you didn't! I was totally unprepared this year. Still had a great time, though. Eurovision 2018: Finals I'm so unprepared this year! Due to a lot going on in life, I didn't have time to watch either of the semi-finals or even pregame with the official music videos!

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possibilistfanfiction · 7 years ago

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i got all the parts i wished for (it's an ache & it shines through me)

[anyway someone said they wanted carm & laura & their baby running errands n stuff etc on a cold november day so here u go, this has no real substance & is rly just gay]

i got all the parts i wished for (it's an ache & it shines through me)

is it a sign? or just a landmine?/ or a feeling roaming free?/ it's overtaken me/ gonna hold it 'til it dries up/ or pocket it for another day/ if it's me i cannot give up/ i'd rather that she stayed/ oh, slack jawed me/ can't you see?/ there's so many rhythms and harmonies/ & i'm walking the dog back —sylvan esso, “slack jaw”

the morning is the kind of harsh bright that tells you that winter will happen soon, that this is one of the last days you can comfortably wear sneakers and spend time at the park without freezing. you yawn once, just waking up, and when you turn over, there’s your wife and your dog and your son, all sound asleep, all various degrees of small. you watch them all for a few minutes, curled up and tangled, and your chest hurts, because they’re the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen. you think they get more beautiful every day.

eventually, your stomach grumbles and carm cracks an eye open with a little smile. she’s tender with you, seemingly more so as time goes on, soft and sweet and honest. ‘good morning,’ she says in german, then yawns and shakes her head and says it again in english.

‘good morning,’ you say, and you want to kiss her but you can’t—you look down at your son and your dog again and she laughs, shifting to tickle both of their tummies. your dog scrambles around, trying to stand up, while your son squeaks out a little, delighted laugh and then babbles, reaching for you while he also has a death grip on carm’s hair. his eyes are a blue you don’t think you’d ever seen before until you watched them open for the first time.

you are so full of love in this moment, on this cold morning, that it knocks the wind out of you. carm looks at you curiously, because your breath catches and you feel like you might cry, but then she’s kissing your cheek and your dog is licking your son’s foot, which is making him laugh, and they’re all kind of a mess, and you just close your eyes and listen.

carmilla does things carefully now. not in a way that worries you—she’s not scared of hurting you, not timid. she just—cares. takes her time to make you dinner before you get home from work, a recipe she’d learned years ago in mumbai; just yesterday you’d watched her sit on the floor and rub waterproofing wax into all of your winter boots, working it in patiently with her hands, taking special effort along the seams.

you know why—the most special, quiet reasons. it’d taken you two years to convince her to go to therapy—four broken hands that hadn’t healed at vampire speed, more nightmares than you could possibly keep track of, and a lot of withholding sex—but she’d gone. with carm, you’ve learned that you need to go slow, with just about everything, but especially this. when she’d been in therapy a few months you’d suggested an emotional support dog for her, especially for during the day when you weren’t there. she’d certainly been enjoying her trust fund time, but you’d come home from work to her cowering in the shower, shivering, freezing and despondent. you’d come home to her sitting in the snow on your back porch in february, drinking whiskey and watching the sunset, and it was so cold out her eyelashes were coated with the remnants of frozen tears. you’d come home to carm hurt in so many ways, or reliving that hurt, tiny and beautiful and deeply sorrowful.

so you’d done your research and when you’d brought home a puppy to foster—his fur deep, deep black, his eyes light grey, with a sharp face, missing a leg; he was pulled out of rubble from a hurricane in the south—carmilla had held him very carefully, pet the length of his body with incredible gentleness, and smiled up at you. she’d decided to name him wittgenstein, so you’d insisted on calling him wit, much to her frustration. he’d very quickly become an important part of your family, and they’re scared of the same things: thunderstorms, sudden loud noises, when the subway gets stalled underground.

they’d healed, and it’d been years before you brought up the idea of children. when you had, though, carmilla had agreed much more quickly than you ever thought she would—but she had gestured toward your small, sleeping dog, his little sweaters in the corner and his organic dog food and his leash and snowboots, and then shrugged. you’d laughed and kissed her but you had understood: she is full of love, and she has always been full of care, even when it hadn’t seemed like it.

you’d adopted max months later, and carm had been terrified of him for a few days, you’re pretty sure. but she’s a fantastic mom, which you’d watched bloom and grow. she speaks lots of languages to him, whispers little songs when he’s crying. he seems to really like grabbing onto her hair, and she always gets up at night when he’s fussing.

the first time you’d brought him to visit her at work, in her little office with a mess of papers on the desk and what you’re pretty sure is hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of first editions and journals from famous philosophers on her shelf, she’d led you to a small café near campus, and a group of her undergrad students had run into you, and they had all melted at seeing her with this tiny, beautiful baby. she had grumbled but eventually laughed, his fingers curled around one of hers.

this morning you put max in his room, let wit stay by his playpen, and then walk back to your bed with carm trailing behind. you’re both laughing and you feel young again, you feel twenty again, when you lay this girl down beneath you and kiss her deeply, when you pull her body toward yours until she’s gasping your name in the golden light through the window. the hints of winter sun.

you lazily take a shower together, and you wash her hair, which she almost never lets you do. you kiss there too, although it’s without pretense, this intimacy. you get dressed in an easy rhythm, having shared this space for years. it strikes you sometimes at how profound and intense these ordinary moments of love are: of course you have fallen in love with her grand gestures—sneaking into palaces to dance at midnight, proposing on the roof of the philosophy building in the middle of a meteor shower.

but you hadn’t realized the magnitude of your love until you were grocery shopping years and years ago, and you had been getting vegan burgers from the freezer aisle, and when you had found her after she’d wandered off, she was closely inspecting pears, peering at them intensely. you’d been so floored by your fondness for her—this odd, brilliant, almost quotidian creature—that you still remember it now.

and this happens all the time, your love for her. when she’s making coffee and curses slightly when she spills a few grounds, then sighs and gets a clorox wipe from under the sink, when she talks quietly to max, when she smiles at you while you’re on the subway, holding your hand and not shaking at all.

today you have to run errands, but they’re not really important, so you bundle max up in his stroller and put wit’s sweater on, then his little boots. they’re really fucking cute, so you make carm wait so you can take pictures of them. she slouches and sighs but she’d put on a hat and a scarf and a legitimate weather-appropriate coat without having to be convinced or reminded, so you take it as a win.

she walks wit while you take the stroller, and you make her stop in victroire and of course she’s the one to find something; you go to jimmy’s for another coffee, chat with tahir, your favorite barista, throw the ball for a few minutes for wit at trinity bellwoods. it’s cold, and so you stop in at kenzo for ramen, try to feed max little tiny bits of noodles without making too much of a mess. you go to f as in frank and carm spends an inordinate amount of time trying on vintage sweatshirts, but she’s in a great mood today so she models them very seriously, which makes you laugh. it’s the only reason she does it, you think, which makes you love her more.

eventually, you can tell she’s getting tired, and max is getting fussy, and wit is panting. you make them all go with you to pick up groceries, though, the only real errand you’d had to run. you walk back with them to your little brownstone on euclid, and you’ve worked it out well enough by now that you can push the stroller, walk the dog, and hold her hand.

when you mention this, she laughs.

‘we really are parents then, hey?’

the tiny inflection at the end makes you stop, and take a deep breath, and she stops too, worriedly.

you shake your head, kiss her with all your might, so softly, right there in the middle of the sidewalk, golden leaves falling around, the last gasp of fall before the barren branches and snow. your son is babbling and your dog is shuffling around your legs, and carmilla—your wife—sniffles, just barely.

you back up and it takes you a second to form words, because her eyes are so dark and brimming with tears.

‘that was just very canadian of you,’ you tell her. ‘the “hey?”.’

she rolls her eyes with a messy, teary laugh. ‘that’s what caused a kiss like that?’

you shrug—you know you don’t have to explain it to her, not really.

she smiles, a grin, and you know what that means. ‘laura, i’m wearing blundstones.’

‘oh my god,’ you say, start pushing the stroller again as she jogs to catch up.

‘i have toque on—from roots.’

‘you’re an idiot,’ you grumble, but you’re laughing too.

‘i’ll make old fashioned’s with maple syrup while we watch degrassi tonight.’

‘i literally hate you,’ you say, but you glance over at her, dark hair and eyes and the prettiest skin, her warm heart and her beautiful brain, the golden light of the day waning, shimmering.

‘i love you too,’ she says, and reaches out to take your hand.

#tbqh carm & a therapy dog matter so much to me #he's a lil pharoah hound if u wanted a visual #also peep that lorde vibe #carmilla fanfiction #wow a fuckin throwback hey #read me #possibilistfanfiction

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