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theroastedwretch · 2 years ago

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Between the Lines- Ep. 3

A/N: This one is pretty long, partially to make up for just how short the next one will be. Episode 4 comes at you pretty rapid fire by design, so it's harder to stretch out and still make it make sense.

Usual warnings apply, some no no words, innuendo/bad flirting. This one also features a bit more insecurity around body image than usual and discussions of mental illness, so if that's not your thing please keep that in mind.

Index Episode 2

I was cursing at my phone and muttering about stupid 20-somethings getting involved in shit they shouldn’t— and ignoring the irony— when I finally managed to get a grip on myself and start thinking a bit more clearly.

Should I text the others? The Hacker seemed pretty sure one of them was the culprit, and while I wasn’t totally positive, the timing of the threatening call seemed to support that. It had been early on in my communications with the group that it would have been surprising if my number had leaked beyond them by then.

But if the Hacker was monitoring their phones, could the culprit be as well? I know he’d said he was putting protections on my devices, but if he hadn’t done theirs it was entirely possible someone could have gotten my number that way.

Not to mention, Thomas claimed the message with my number in the first place had come from Hannah’s phone. We’d been working under the assumption all this time that she’d sent it, but her phone had disappeared with her, and Thomas said the call he’d made had been answered by breathing. Despite what Joyce had claimed in Stranger Things, there was no good way to identify breathing.

What if it had been the kidnapper who sent them my number? The issue of “why me” remained, but it did make more objective sense that he would have access to the phone and use it for something other than calling the police (or their hacker friend).

Hell, maybe my number has actually been a diversion. A random string of numbers sent to confuse them that happened to be my contact info? The coincidence was huge, but possible. In fact, was it even that big of a coincidence? Maybe for me, the person with the number, it felt that way. But on the outside looking in, most combinations of numbers with the right amount of digits would probably call someone.

I wasn’t an investigator or police. I occasionally dabbled in writing mystery and did some escape rooms. I listened to true crime podcasts. But being that I was the core, stereotypical demographic for most of those things, that didn’t exactly make me uniquely qualified for any of this.

My mind raced round and round, trying to piece together who I could trust, how I could help, and what my place in this whole clusterfuck really was. I actually had something of a reputation of being good under pressure (but collapsing as soon as it was gone— as shown by the time I’d giggled for like ten minutes straight after rushing around to put out Annie’s kitchen fire as she screamed and didn’t use the phone in her hand to call for help) but this time, maybe because there really wasn’t anything I could actually do, I found myself totally useless.

I’d worked myself up into such a fit that by the time Cleo texted, I was tense enough to yelp at the buzzing phone in my hand.

Thomas? I mouthed silently. The kid takes off after finding out about the body, gets weirdly aggressive at Dan to set up some sketchy deal he refused to mention by name, and then breaks into his girlfriend’s apartment?

Cleo was clearly uncomfortable with it too, sounding more stilted and awkward than I’d ever heard her, even when confronting her about her newfound love of trespassing. Was he looking at her phone? Had he said something to her?

It wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility to think he had a key— Annie’s boyfriend had one to our place, much to my chagrin— and Cleo was just as guilty of going in as he was. But something about her reaction put me on edge, so I hoped she’d get somewhere she felt freer to talk soon.

Jessy’s rage provided a good distraction, though I really wasn’t surprised to see the way the paper had “reported” the body. It fit for a small town, whose identity partially stemmed from the idea of being safe and close. How many times in the past had I rolled my eyes at my grandma declaring that “this stuff didn’t happen in her town” when she watched the news for the city I’d grown up in? These were places where you never locked your doors, knew the mailman by name.

It became crucial to maintain that status quo at all costs, even if it meant relegating a murder to the back pages of a paper. Even if that meant the victim went unremembered.

Of course she was angry. Burying your head in the sand only felt good when it wasn’t your hurt being covered up.

Seeing her so upset brought back that feeling of helplessness I’d had with Cleo earlier. This time, there were things I could say, actions I could take. But nothing that would fix the situation or make her feel better at all. I could only let her vent. Even that felt so useless, it was only the tip of the iceberg.

Thomas’s return gave her something else to focus on, at least, even as I wondered whether it was planned or if his encounter with Cleo had forced his hand. I struggled to still see him as a devoted, grieving boyfriend after all this time.

The news that the body wasn’t Hannah’s perked everyone else up, but made me even more unsettled. As an outsider without any attachment to Hannah, a body appearing right after a kidnapping made things so much more complicated, and more dangerous.

One was unfortunate, two was a pattern.

There was no way I could say that to them, though, or even the Hacker, so I was left to stew on that on my own through the rest of Thomas’s return conversation.

Needing to process everything that had happened, I decided to go get some fresh air. I rarely took walks, I didn’t seem to get the cabin fever that others felt, and the pandemic had only made me even more comfortable hunkering down in one place. But suddenly I felt caged, like if I didn’t keep moving, I might collapse.

Something felt off to me, beyond the obvious. Why would the cops confirm anything to Thomas, who wasn’t Hannah’s husband and presumably had only a passing connection to the deceased woman? I knew that privacy in these cases wasn’t as strict as say, hospitals, and who knew what the laws in Germany looked like about that, but it still didn’t sit right with me. Maybe it was a small town thing?

Googling “how much can the police release to non-family in a missing person’s case” got me nowhere even before I added in the jurisdictional aspect, and I started to get frustrated at how little I knew about any of this.

I’d had dealings with cops before, a rebellious youth plus some impulse control issues had seen to that. I’d dated some questionable men, no doubt about that, made some bad choices. I knew the basics of the law in some areas, but nothing significant.

All of the recent happenings had me getting really frustrated with my ineptitude and getting pulled into this. I couldn’t say why I’d stuck around so far, really. It just seemed like everyone expected me to, and I didn’t want to disappoint them.

But hell, how was I not going to disappoint them?

My life had begun revolving around this case, even when it probably shouldn’t. Outside of the movie day and going out with Annie, one of which involved Jessy and the other I still felt guilty over, I’d taken very little time away from this, and it was starting to wear me down.

Still, how did I tell these grieving friends that I needed a break? How would I leave them up to their own devices, considering even with my help they were breaking in to crime scenes, buying illegal items, and having breakdowns over found bodies? They were suffering worse than I was, and even knowing that I would crash, I felt responsible for that.

Hannah had been missing for weeks, and all I’d done was find a cat picture, pry into her medical information, and discovered some emo poetry. Poirot, I was not. I couldn’t help but think that the others blamed me for that fact.

As if hearing my doubts, the Hacker appeared. I hugged my sweater closer to myself despite the day actually being fairly warm, and considered putting him off. But I wasn’t going to make any progress without him, and the sooner we solved this mystery, the sooner I could nurse my ego and return to my life.

I wasn’t at all surprised to hear he was reading in on my chat with Cleo, though I was a bit that he was watching my video chats. The insecure, dysmorphic part of me tried to remember how many chins I had while on screen, even knowing that he probably hadn’t looked at me once during the call. I knew it was silly, but I’d have to start considering my appearance a little more before turning on my camera.

I’d meant to come off more teasing when I’d questioned whether my opinion mattered to him, but I knew I sounded desperate for his approval. Still, I was pretty surprised when he answered in the affirmative, seemingly genuine. My face burned when I admitted to the same, but it kind of felt like I owed it to him at that moment.

Of course, he quickly moved the conversation back to the matter at hand, and I tried not to let that sting. Once he admitted to his “flaw”, though, I couldn’t help but question myself even further. Did it extend to not realizing how he came off over chat? Had he not even noticed the times I was flirting?

It seemed like everything had me off kilter today, and I was desperate to hide under my blankets and let myself mope, at least a little. It was so like me, to get feelings for a guy on the other side of the world that I didn’t even know the name of who had no idea I’d spent weeks flirting with him. I felt like a teenager again, pining over a boy who told me that I’d have an easier time finding a boyfriend if I lost weight.

Really, I thought I’d grown past this.

Massaging my temples as I walked back into my apartment, I let myself flop into bed despite how early it was. Maybe if I crawled into my safe space while texting, things wouldn’t bother me as much. Or I’d at least be less of an asshole and stop focusing on my own bullshit at a time like this.

I felt like I had to push back on his assertion that Hannah couldn’t have hurt herself. I clearly had more experience with depression than he had, and considering how he’d reacted to the SSRIs already, I worried it could break him. Besides, not all methods of hurting yourself came in the form that most people expected. Pretty much my entire early twenties was a testament to all of the ways you could hurt yourself without causing a single bit of physical harm.

I decided not to push that part.

We discussed the cloud entry (I resisted the urge to joke about my own shitty poetry, since I wasn’t making this about myself anymore) and I was surprised to discover that he’d never met Hannah. He was maybe more invested in finding her than some of the group.

I wasn’t making this about myself, so I didn’t worry that maybe they were romantic penpals or something. She had Thomas.

I had to admit I felt pretty good about getting to tease him about the legends, and was glad to see it made him laugh. Not because I wanted his approval, but just because he was usually so serious. Of course.

Finally, after exhausting all of the leads and updates either of us had— there was no movement on Poke’s number yet— he logged off suddenly and I sighed, taking the opportunity to wiggle deeper into my nest and think about nothing for a while. ___

I hadn’t intended to fall asleep, but I was shocked when I opened my eyes next to find that twelve hours had passed, and I suddenly found myself the topic of the group chat. Maybe I’d grilled Thomas too hard yesterday.

Dan: We don’t know anything about her, why should we trust her?

Seriously Dan? After facilitating some weird deal between Thomas and Poke, you want to start throwing stones? Maybe guilt and deflection, but annoying nonetheless.

I let myself get truly frustrated with them for the first time, reminding them of their responsibility for the fact that they knew nothing about me. Not like I’d been nothing but a vehicle to find Hannah or something to all of them but Jessy, right?

MC: I mean MC: You could ask

Thomas: What?

MC: I don’t have a whole lot of reasons to lie to you MC: Not beyond like “oh yeah I definitely do floss every day”, at least MC: So don’t ask that one MC: I will lie about that

Dan: We can’t even know if you’re telling the truth!

MC: Right MC: But if we’re talking stranger danger, it’s kind of 5 against 1 already.

Dan: Fine, so tell us about yourself

MC: Well that’s super unhelpful MC: I at least ask you guys questions

Dan: You mean interrogate?

MC: Sure MC: Ask away

Jessy: What color is your hair?

MC: Ha!

I hit send while snorting before realizing that my amusement wouldn’t make sense to anyone in the group.

MC: Sorry, inside joke… not a very good one. MC: Brown normally MC: But I get bored with that a lot. MC: So like, less brown right now? I guess?

Jessy: Oooh! What colors has it been?

I smiled a little, of course Jessy would show something of an actual interest while simultaneously asking questions that helped nothing.

MC: Well, I’ve done red streaks. Not like yours, Jessy, they called it “fire-engine red”. Red fades so fast, so I only did that once. MC: High school was when I did most of it. It was pink for a while. MC: Kept it bleached for a while, but I’m not a good blonde. MC: Blue in college.

Thomas: Stop Thomas: Why are you doing this?

MC: Because she asked? And because if you guys keep not trusting me, we won’t get anywhere?

Thomas: No. I mean, why are you here?

MC: Because you added me to the group.

Thomas: You know what I’m asking

I groaned. I did, but where do you even start? How do I even explain, when I don’t really know myself? I knew I was on thin ice, though. Jessy liked me, and Cleo was open to me. But Thomas was, at best, neutral, Richy had barely spoken to me, Lilly was totally absent, and Dan… well, Dan was Dan.

What do you tell a group of strangers when they ask why you’re putting all of your energy into snooping around their personal lives?

The hope that Thomas seemed to be fueled by, that I’d have some unknown connection and solution to everything seemed to have vanished. And that had really been my only connection to these people.

“Sorry, I might want to bone the hacker you all hate, so I do what he tells me,” was pathetic on so many levels, and would do nothing to help me.

MC: Look MC: I’m an asshole, okay? My jokes are bad, I suck at people, and I’m just generally something of an acquired taste at best MC: But like, how do you walk away from people who want you to help find a missing person? MC: I don’t know her. It’s crazy I care this much. But Thomas, you sent me all those pictures MC: And you’ve all talked about her so much MC: And I read the articles about it online and that made it so real too MC: I don’t know if I’ll be useful. Frankly, I’m usually not even at the best of times MC: But on the tiniest chance I can be, and I don’t try? I don’t think I’m prepared to be that much of a shit person.

The silence after I wrote all of that stretched on long enough to make me sweat. Being genuine wasn’t something I practiced much, and I was mostly just glad I hadn’t had to say all of that out loud because I would have stumbled over it and messed it up somehow. However un-charismatic I was online, it was nothing compared to how I was in person.

After what felt like several minutes of nothing, I began frantically thinking of ways to take it all back. Despite the miles and miles between us, something about my words made me feel like I was standing in front of them all naked, so the lack of reply had me fighting not to claw my eyes out.

Finally, around the time I’d hunted down the dusty bottle of vodka I’d gotten as a gift for last Christmas and poured myself a glass with little enough juice that it did more for color than taste, there was movement in the chat.

Dan is typing…

Dan: Fine Dan: Stay

Dan is offline.

Cleo: Right, well… Welcome to the team.

I was a bit surprised to see the hesitation from Cleo, since she’d already called me at Hannah’s and admitted to several crimes, one of which I was complicit in. Maybe she’d only included me before since I was online and couldn’t stop her? Who knows.

Thomas is offline.

Cleo is offline.

Richy is offline.

Only Jessy and I remained, which I guess I could have predicted at that point. Considering her line of questioning, and our active personal chat, it made sense that she’d be the one least likely to need to mull over my outburst. Which is why, when I saw a notification pop up seconds later, I didn’t hesitate to press it without looking at the name.

As it turned out, It wasn’t from Jessy. Instead, the notification led me back to my chat with the Hacker.

???: You did surprisingly well.

Despite the fact that I’d normally bask a little bit in the compliment (however backhanded the qualifier made it feel), I only felt irritated. My frustration, insecurity and helplessness bubbled over, and even knowing how little he’d get those emotions from my words, he was the only one here to direct it at.

MC: Thanks? I think? MC: Or are you just surprised they didn’t boot me out of the chat? MC: Look, I want to help, but you saw how that just went. MC: I don’t do this, okay? I don’t know how to get people to like me, or trust me, or want to talk to me. Everyone who puts up with me in real life are either people who met me when we were young enough that being edgy and bitchy seemed cool, liked my mom enough to feel like they have to make sure I’m alive, or are getting paid in one way or the other.

???: I believe it went well, MC. You were quite convincing.

MC: Pf. Hardly. For Hannah, you need to find someone else. I can still do the cloud stuff if you want, but there’s got to be someone better to talk to the group.

The moment I hit send, a notification from the person I’d been expecting earlier appeared at the top of my screen.

Jessy: MC! I’m so sorry they acted so mean Jessy: They’re not usually like that, they’re scared. But that’s no excuse. Jessy: You almost made me cry!

MC: I’m sorry!

Jessy: No no, it was so nice! 🥰

MC: Mmh, Jessy, I made everyone run away.

Jessy: Trust me, they just didn’t know what to say. They hate being wrong!

While I wracked my brain trying to formulate a response, another notification popped up that I didn’t even bother to click this time.

???: ;)

Smug bastard. ___

After that, things were a little less tense in the group chat. The majority still weren’t particularly friendly, but they’d at least seem to accept my presence. Dan was still kind of an asshole, but in a kind of way that I was used to, so I didn’t let it bother me. He seemed like the sort that people just kind of ignored most of the time, and I knew what that was like.

The chat wasn’t what I’d consider active, but they checked in on each other occasionally, tried to cheer each other up and touched base with platitudes and support.

Jessy: MC Jessy: … Jessy: You there? Jessy: MCCCCC

Huh. It was strange for me to be addressed directly at the start of a conversation, but the fact that it was Jessy made it make a little more sense. I suspected she was trying to include me more and humanize me to the rest, a mission she’d kind of taken up recently.

MC: Hi! Sorry, I got a call.

Jessy: Aren’t you popular?

MC: No, no, never. Work. 😩

Jessy: Oh! You know, I don’t think we’ve ever talked about your job.

MC: Well, yeah, it’s not really been important.

Other than my chats with Jessy, and the time Thomas had grilled me about my intentions, discussing me had been pretty low priority. I’d chime in here and there when the group chat dipped into the easy flow that happened in messages between old friends. And I never missed a chance to make a sassy comment or comment, which they’d quickly learned to ignore or roll their eyes at.

But it was true that in their eyes, I was still just a stranger. Even as I slowly started forming pictures of their lives and getting pulled deeper into Hannah’s world, the group as a whole still didn’t even know my last name. I hadn’t offered it, but they didn’t ask either.

After my hidden meltdown when the body was discovered not to be Hannah’s, I’d probably put up some barriers trying not to totally lose myself in their lives. It was wearing on my mental health in a pretty serious way, so while Jessy and I were continuing to bond, and Cleo had started talking to me more, I felt a bit detached overall.

Jessy: Still! Jessy: You’re always on your phone Jessy: Every time I’m on

I snorted at that, mainly because it wasn’t totally true. I wasn’t a morning person, and she was bright and sunny enough to be way too much until I’d gotten at least two cups of coffee in me. But after that, I did give my phone nearly my full attention.

MC: That’s what my boss just said on our call, haha. 🙃 MC: I work remotely, so I’ve got some flexibility MC: But I’ve been pushing that lately MC: And unlike someone, I’m not cute enough to get away with it

Richy: 😳

For all Jessy tried to hide when she texted non-stop at work, it was actually the worst kept secret. Especially since Richy was on nearly as much during the day. They didn’t acknowledge each other over chat all that much, but there was no way they didn’t notice they were both on.

But since it was just as obvious that Richy wanted to date Jessy…

Jessy: 😤 Jessy: But what do you do?

Of course neither would acknowledge it. They both knew, even if they wanted to pretend they didn’t. I was surprised the group didn’t heckle them for it more. Yet another way they differed from mine, I guess. I��d never live it down with them.

MC: Nothing very exciting. I’m called a “Customer Communication Quality Assurance Analyst”

Jessy: Right…

Yep, that was the usual reaction alright.

MC: Told you 🤣 MC: You know how when you call customer service, that message plays? MC: About your call being recorded? MC: Some companies review those in-house, but others contract out to a firm MC: So I work for one of those

Dan: You’re joking

He didn’t usually get involved when I was talking. He’d respond to the others, of course, but for the most part he preferred to ignore me completely. This would be interesting.

MC: No… why would I be?

Dan: You spend all day spying on people’s calls Dan: Just to open your phone Dan: And interrogate us

I actually was a little more offended than I should have been, which probably gave his point more credence. Still, it felt like there was a note of teasing to it that maybe could work in my favor if I played it right.

MC: Okay MC: Well when you put it that way MC: My life just sounds sad MC: And kind of creepy 😒

Dan: I mean, isn’t it?

MC: Hey 😤 MC: But actually MC: I wanted to be a teacher when I was younger

Jessy: Really?? That’s so cool

I hadn’t meant to prolong this conversation, but since Jessy had definitely become the one that both liked me best and I’d been most open with, maybe it would be useful to let them in a little.

And it was definitely for Hannah and not because I wanted the acceptance of these people. Of course.

MC: Mmh, no, not really. MC: Could have saved myself a lot of time and money if I’d remembered I don’t like dealing with people that much

Jessy: What do you mean? Jessy: You’re so friendly!

Friendly? Jessy, I’m a raging bitch, covering up for the self-esteem of a goldfish with sarcasm and fake arrogance, the mouth of a sailor, and the gutter-mind of a 16 year old boy. Was that friendly?

MC: Sure, to people I like MC: But I made the mistake of being a TA in undergrad MC: Turns out, people can be really dumb and I have no patience 🤓

Cleo: MC!

Yeah. That would be a bit far for Cleo. She was nice enough, of course, but probably the one that struggled the most with my more insulting quips. Well, Thomas and Lilly hadn’t been much involved with me either, so maybe they’d have been yelling at me even more. Who knows?

MC: Yes, yes. I’ll be nice MC: I just get frustrated easily, I guess. MC: Having to explain something over and over

Dan: Mmh, I’m trying to picture you as a teacher. It’s kind of funny.

I felt a surge of pride in realizing I’d kept Dan at least marginally engaged. Though actually, in other circumstances he might have actually been the one I was the most similar to. He seemed to also lack a filter and the capability to recognize when running his mouth was okay.

MC: Funny isn’t the word I’d have used

Jessy: Poor you 😫

MC: If I’m being honest, probably poor them

Jessy: Oh no

MC: 😉 MC: It was better for everyone that I got out of that line of work MC: But it was too late to change my degree unless I wanted to spend way too much time backtracking MC: So I just found a job that would take a degree, no matter what it was. MC: So now, here I am MC: Both professional and amatuer spy MC: Apparently

Jessy: That suits you somehow

MC: I don’t know what to say to that MC: Should I be insulted or…?

Again, realizing my role in this group was still barely above the Hacker’s as far as my motives made my heart sink. They were right. My job here was to investigate, spy and uncover. But since I hadn’t really made them aware of just how creepy I was being, I was surprised to see that they considered me a “spy”, or even investigator.

Jessy: No no! I just meant that you see things others miss Jessy: So it works for you

MC: Oh okay

Dan: Yeah, you’re a regular Sherlock Holmes

MC: Nah, he at least had cocaine to keep him awake. MC: I’m probably more like Harriet the Spy, tbh. 😂

The conversation didn’t continue after that, but I almost felt like I’d earned Dan’s respect even just the tiniest bit with that one. ___

I was somewhat caught off-guard when Richy added me after discussing the Man Without a Face in the legends chat that Jessy had made for us. I agreed with him that Jessy seemed more eager to latch onto the legend than most people would, but it made sense that she’d want to seize any chance she saw to step back from the idea that the killer could be human.

For my part, the more I thought on the idea that someone would be masquerading as this mythical avenger, the more I saw it as a viable concept. Killers, especially ones that consider themselves righteous, love to glom onto characters that get across the message they want to embody.

My true crime podcasts taught me that much at least.

I teased him about Jessy more to get him off balance than to confirm he liked her— that much was already obvious. I wasn’t crazy about the power dynamics at play there, with him being her boss, but that seemed kind of like a thing that just happened in small towns. There were only so many people to start with.

I considered lightly flirting with him to see if that was a better tactic, but frankly I couldn’t bring myself to. Jessy was a friend, and she seemed to like him too. I didn’t think he’d ever get up the nerve to ask her, but there was only so much playing in their lives I could justify before it felt icky.

Besides that, there was the question of my shadow.

Ruminating on that led me back to decrypting, a habit I’d taken up while trying to avoid thinking too much on him, his motives, and how much he even noticed about me. Ironically, decryption was the thing that should remind me the most of him, but I could generally focus on Hannah while doing the most annoying parts, since it was to benefit her.

Sometimes I wondered how she would feel once she was safe. I couldn’t imagine she’d be interested in much to do with me— I was still pretty convinced she hadn’t sent my number— as I’d be mostly a reminder about this horrible time in her life. But would she resent me for the intrusions I’d made into her private life?

As if sensing my guilt, the next file I opened was clearly another diary entry, once again filled with emotional conflict. It as much more straightforward than the last, written with a bit more clarity and thought rather than vomiting words up as they appeared in her head.

I bit the inside of my cheek as I read over it a second time. I knew I had to send this to the Hacker, but Hannah’s distress had really been the only thing to faze him since that first, frantic call to her friends. I worried that this one, likely even direct enough for him to grasp the emotion behind, would cause him even more grief.

But he’d also be furious if he found out I kept something from him, even—or maybe especially— if it was out of a desire to protect him. Sighing guiltily, I sent it to him to discuss.

The conversation went a bit unexpectedly, though. Maybe he’d come to terms with our previous findings enough to prepare himself for this one, or maybe he was glad to have something a bit less hard to understand. He probably didn’t read much poetry with his flaw.

I wasn’t prepared for the fucking praise, though. Or really, my reaction to it was the problem. Instead of feeling patronized, it sent a bit of a jolt through me. So damn stupid, getting worked up over some guy telling you that you did a good job. I knew I had a bit of a submissive side but Jesus, really?

Wait. Could he have found that particular… interest… of mine when reading through my chats? Jessy and I got a bit detailed at times when discussing our preferences, after she got used to me it seemed like she enjoyed having someone to discuss things with.

What else had he seen on my phone and devices? He admitted to having full access but said he only looked at case-related things. Still, there was a lot of bullshit to wade through in order to find those case-related items. After he’d said not to worry about offending him, I’d mostly tried to forget he was there whenever I messaged people or screwed around on the internet.

But all it would take was one poorly timed screen-mirror and…

I scrambled to try to remember my recent activities and felt my face burn when I considered all of the possibilities. I wasn’t one to watch risqué videos, being more into reading and writing to alleviate my frustrations.

Cool. Great. Awesome. He probably knew everything about my kinks and I didn’t know his name.

As freaked out as I was, the fact that I still didn’t know his name was starting to bother me. Especially in light of this recent realization. I could do it, right? Just ask his name? I mean, we’d been talking a while, he said he trusted me. I got the feeling I’d never see his face or talk to him without the distortion, but his name was innocent enough.

Before I could chicken out, I typed it out, as a request rather than a question, and hit send.

Of course he’d ask why I cared. Of course it seemed ridiculous to him, I’d already suspected he had no idea what signals I’d tried to throw out.

Would it hurt to try to be more obvious? I wondered. I was cringing at my screen now, trying to both type and shut my eyes to what I was saying as I admitted to liking him. I tried to make a joke of it, using the damn smilies Jessy had gotten me addicted to, but even someone who couldn’t read had to be able to just smell the pheromones and insecurity dripping off of every word.

Jake.

The emotional high of learning that, of being able to greet him properly for the first time, dampened a bit from the clear regret he immediately expressed. Still, he hadn’t left yet, so I I tried to salvage things a little.

Are you dating someone?

How could I not have melted at that? It was the most overt he’d ever been by far. So even when he fled again, I couldn’t keep the stupid grin off of my face. ___

I was pretty ashamed to only realize that Cleo had never gotten back to me about the situation with Thomas until she reached out again, saying that she needed to clear her head before we talked. Still, I should have checked in about it long before now, so the guilt of making it about me, again, pushed away the good feelings from earlier.

Learning that Thomas and Hannah had been arguing, that he no longer had a key to her apartment despite clearly having a way to access it, just solidified my need to check further into him.

Goddamn it folks, stop being shady and stop not telling me things. How is it this fucking hard?

I pinched my nose, attempting to slow my breathing. But learning that he took something from the apartment just shot my blood pressure back up through the roof.

I’d drank as much during this investigation— even ignoring my night out with Annie at the start— as I normally did in a year but I still couldn’t escape the urge for a shot. It was barely mid-afternoon so I resisted the urge, but barely. ___

After getting the book number for Jessy, Jake (that still felt weird) let me know he’d found Poke’s number. I got nervous when he revealed I’d have to call rather than text— I was a millennial, that’s my actual nightmare— and a little frustrated when he seemed to minimize the risk to me again. At this point, he should know I’d stick around even when I’m scared. But it would be really nice to whine and be comforted for five minutes before handing my number over to a suspected criminal.

Still, I suspected that being comforting wasn’t particularly his style, and that even if he wanted to, he’d have very little reference for how to do it.

And there was no denying that of the two of us, I was the better choice for handling the people part. I mean, we were still screwed, but I kind of suspected I was the only person he’d managed to charm recently and I still wasn’t totally possible how he’s done that.

So I groaned, put on my big girl panties, and called. ___

A locksmith. All of this cloak and dagger bullshit over a locksmith. A clearly unethical one, but why the hell would they not just pretend like Thomas had lost his own key or something instead of acting like the sketchiest fucking losers alive?

I wasn’t proud of my past associations, but I’d seen drug deals discussed with more grace than these folks were handling an exchange with a perfectly legal business and an obvious cover story.

Not to mention, why the hell did Thomas not know where her spare key was if Cleo did? I wasn’t sure how long they’d been dating, but it was probably long enough for him to know where her spare key was.

For some reason, I started to suspect less that the culprit was either Dan or Thomas, mainly because they apparently made the stupidest damn criminals I’d ever met.

Hannah, your friends are going to be the death of me, I swear. ___

As the group chat exploded into drama over Phil, I groaned out loud. A fight was a long time coming, especially between Cleo and Jessy, but did it have to be now?

I was working when it started, trying to clear my inbox that I was sorely behind on dealing with. Several of the calls I’d reviewed today had serious violations and one of the clients took the negative feedback really poorly. I’d had enough yelling for this week, thank you.

Annie popped open a can of coke behind me and leaned over to look beyond my shoulder at my phone. I tried to casually block her from seeing, but she was tall enough to catch sight of it anyway.

“Hey is that Jessy? How is she?”

“Fine,” I muttered, locking my phone screen and trying to ignore the rapid-fire buzzing.

“What crawled up your ass?” She snarked, eying up my tense posture and tight expression.

“Nothing, Annie, I’m just trying to work and no one will leave me alone!” I snapped, pushing my keyboard away from me in frustration.

She threw her hands up in surrender. “Jeez, sorry, I was just trying to help.” She turned away from me, toward her room, and took a loud slurp of her coke as she walked. “Let me know when you’re less of a bitch.”

“Right,” I mumbled to myself, getting myself more settled into my chair. “Focus.”

The incessant vibration wouldn’t let me, though, and I realized that I wasn’t going to get anything done until it stopped. Sighing louder than necessary, I once again got involved in something that had no good reason to be my business.

I felt bad for being relieved when Jessy stormed off and things cooled down relatively quickly after that. I reminded myself to reach out to her later, even though I knew she wasn’t the sort who liked to be left alone while she was emotional.

The information about Phil was interesting, though. It wasn’t particularly a side of Hannah I’d heard anything about. But then, I’d only heard about her from people who loved her, and it already seemed like no one knew about her depression.

And boy didn’t I know the kind of questionable decisions depression could lead to. Not to mention, having learned that Thomas returned his key during a fight made me wonder exactly what their relationship was at the time of her disappearance. If they were broken up, maybe she’d been acting out her heartbreak in a way that would raise eyebrows in a small town.

I suppose she could have been taken by a partner after all. Just not the one we knew about.

At the same time, Phil’s comments bordered on the Nice Guy style bullshit I and my friends had heard so often after turning a guy down. Men love to call women sluts for not sleeping with them.

No, I was supposed to be focusing on work. Work. It was bad enough to put off responsibilities for a kidnapping case, it was another to instead speculate on a woman’s sex life when I’d never met her.

Yet I was glad Richy was going to talk to Phil.

I managed to get through about half a day’s work before my phone started again. Spy mode was getting old fast, I have no idea why Jake liked this shit. I just don’t care about other people’s crap this much. I don’t even want to deal with my own social life!

Though it did catch my eye to see that Jessy and Dan were going on a date. Hadn’t seen that one coming, she’d never shown much of a soft spot for him and Dan didn’t strike me as particularly romantic.

But maybe I was just bitter considering “are you single” was the hottest my current relationship had gotten so far.

So much for doing work, I griped and started logging out for the day. Once I started brooding over things with Jake, I was never going to get back on track. I’d learned that the hard way.

Pretending it wasn’t at all to talk to him, I made my way out to the garden and curled up next to a bush to start decrypting in the sun. ___

The sun had set by the time I managed to get anything, but for the first time the picture made me pause.

A Raven.

To be honest, a large part of me figured it was stupid kids. If this legend was as well known in the city as Jessy and Richy had implied, then it made sense for jagoff teenagers to run around marking things up with it. It was at least more creative than just doing penises like most of the graffiti I saw.

But it wouldn’t do to just dismiss it outright either.

In fact, the more I thought about it, the more intriguing it was. Because it didn’t matter if it was just graffiti. The how or why of it being there might be totally irrelevant.

But what made it important was that Hannah thought it was important.

I suppose she could have just thought it was cool, or maybe she was interested in the legend or wanted to show Jessy, who clearly had a strong interest in the macabre. But not long after she’d taken it, she’d supposedly been dragged into the woods by the man this symbol was meant to represent.

Had she been pursuing him rather than the other way round?

Trying to get around explaining to Richy and Jessy where I’d gotten the picture was a bit awkward. They seemed to know I was investigating on some level, and they knew I was in touch with Jake. But they hadn’t really put those things together or realized how deep I was digging, and I was pretty grateful for that. They would have to be offended on her behalf. I was offended on her behalf sometimes.

But like, the police would be doing it too, right? Going through her personal life and putting it under a microscope, analyzing every word she said and who she said it to. At least I wasn’t her neighbor, her pastor, or anyone she had to deal with regularly. That had to be a comfort, I hoped.

But I appreciated Jessy keeping Richy from asking more, either way. Her trust touched me, and made things much simpler for now. And processing this with someone other than Jake was strangely nice, despite how much I enjoyed talking to him.

Of course, then Richy had to get in a parting shot about where I got the picture. And the worst part is, he wasn’t even wrong. |___

The guilt of all— the hiding, the lying, the half-ignored responsibilities— it started weighing on me after that. Too much was at stake to back down now, but I could feel the suspicion pointed at me, and it was deserved.

I wasn’t above half-truths or even the occasional lie, really. Sometimes it was just easier and better for everyone if the truth went unsaid. But this was snowballing out of control and I didn’t know how to stop it.

So I confessed the only thing I could think of that might not ruin everything.

MC: Jake?

Jake is online.

Jake: Hello, MC. Jake: Is everything alright?

MC: I lied before. MC: And cheated.

I paused, trying to think of how to say it. Which I knew I should have considered before I even started the conversation, but planning wasn’t my strong suit when my emotions got the better of me.

Jake is typing…

Jake: To what are you referring?

Right. I’d gotten so used to him reading things and knowing what I meant before I said it that I just kind of assumed he knew what was going on in my head.

MC: The bet. MC: I’m sending your credits back.

After hitting enter, I quickly opened the app he’d sent me my winnings through and sent them all back. I hadn’t done anything with them, it felt kind of gross.

Jake: I appreciate your honesty, but I’m not sure I understand. You found the information more quickly than I could.

MC: Right, well. That’s because I already knew what SSRIs were for. I’ve been on them for years. MC: I’ve been depressed since I was a teenager. I don’t even know why I pretended. MC: I was just surprised you didn’t know already and then you were SO shocked and uncomfortable about Hannah and I got worried you’d think differently of me too so I just went with it.

He typed and erased several times, and my mind became a whirlwind of regret. Why was I doing this? He didn’t ask to hear all about my problems. It wasn’t like I’d conned him out of a huge prize. But I was so tired of lying, and lying to him felt especially wrong after he’d been letting me in.

Jake: MC, I never thought less of Hannah for her depression. I was upset to find out that she was suffering.

MC: It seemed like you were, I don’t know, struggling with your perception of her.

Jake: Not in a negative way, not toward her. And I am sorry that it made you feel like you had to hide or be ashamed in any way.

MC: I’m usually not like this with it, you know? I mean in high school I was, but that went super poorly so I made myself talk about it.

Jake: You do not have to talk about it if you’re not comfortable.

MC: No, I want you to know. It’s a part of my life. And really so much about me makes way more sense when you realize my brain doesn’t really do what it’s supposed to. MC: Sorry, dark humor is my main coping mechanism.

Jake: I had noticed.

MC: Yeah, it’s not particularly subtle. MC: And just so you know, I’m stable. The meds help, and I do therapy as needed. There are still bad days and stuff but that’s always going to be true. MC: That’s part of why I kept pushing about you realizing it was possible that Hannah had hurt herself, too. MC: Like you said, that’s not the case here since you saw it. But it does happen. And I know my friends and family were even more upset when something would happen because it caught them off guard.

Jake: Is that something

Jake is typing…

MC: Let’s save that conversation for another day, maybe?

Jake: Of course.

MC: But the good news is that maybe it means I can provide some different perspectives on things, right? Like that first cloud entry. MC: Really, I just have to hope that if I get kidnapped no one gives enough of a shit to sort through my stuff like this because there’s nothing good to be found in my sad folder.

Jake: “Sad folder”?

MC: Don’t even try, it’s super old and on a flash drive somewhere that hopefully fell out of whatever box I put it in when I moved here and got crushed by several cars.

Jake: How oddly specific.

MC: Fantasies are what keep a girl going, right? MC: Jake? MC: Thank you for listening.

Jake: :)

Jake: Thank you for your trust.

Jake is offline.

Later, after the third or so time that I re-read our conversation, I tried to work out exactly what it was that made trust so important to him. In our particular situation, we did need to trust each other to a point, but somehow it seemed bigger than that. It was like my trust was some precious trinket to him that he was grateful for each reminder of.

Admittedly, at times that trust felt a little bit more like blind faith, even toeing the line on being foolish. But my instincts told me that he was involved for the right reasons, even if sometimes his methods were at times a bit cold. ___

Somehow, maybe the drink I’d mixed while getting ready for my date with Jessy, it hadn’t occurred to me to think that Jake might have been reading along. I’d gotten used to it by that point, hell, sometimes it even felt reassuring. But it wasn’t until it had started winding down and he messaged me that I realized.

Jake: Hello, MC.

MC: Hello, Jake

He always greeted me so formally, it made me think of a handshake and firm eye contact. I chuckled, picturing us meeting for the first time with a handshake.

Shaking my head at myself, I looked down at my phone.

Jake is typing…

Here, he erased, paused, and started again.

Jake is typing…

After a few minutes of waiting, I started to get concerned.

MC: Is everything okay?

Jake: Did you enjoy your evening?

MC: So you were reading along again 😆

Jake: Yes, it seemed interesting that she chose to cancel her date to speak to you. I wanted to see if there was any information that could be useful to us.

MC: Well, did you see anything interesting?

Jake: Why do you believe that she made the decision to stay home and speak to you?

I wondered for a second if it bothered him. We’d never explicitly discussed my sexuality, and Jessy and my rapport sometimes played hopscotch with the line between bubbly and flirty in that way that every bisexual woman has been confused by at some point in their lives.

MC: Because I’m great 😎 MC: But also Dan kind of sucks

Jake: Regardless, I imagine she would have had a more enjoyable time going out rather than making small talk over orange juice.

MC: Depends on the company I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jake is typing…

MC: Did I make it weird again?

Jake: No. Jake: Of course not. Jake: A virtual date was simply a concept I was previously unaware of.

Jake never really spoke informally, but at least lately he’d seemed a little less… stiff. I groaned, suspecting that, despite his denial, I’d made it weird.

MC: Well MC: I think the voice distortion and hidden face might make it a bit more difficult for you MC: My mom did tell me not to talk to strange men online 😂

Jake is offline.

And there it is. Not surprising, that could easily have been viewed as an insult. Especially after we’d been seemingly getting closer lately. But my life had totally been taken over by strange men on the internet lately, so I considered it somewhat fair to at least acknowledge that it was weird.

MC: Look, sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. My mom WOULD be rather annoyed if she saw me now. But it’s not like this is even the worst thing I’ve done. MC: Really I think I’m mostly surprised that you haven’t had a virtual date before. MC: It seems like that’d be right up your alley. Computers and girls at the same time.

His status didn’t change after my messages, so after a few minutes I let myself bonelessly sprawl across the couch and sigh. I read through a few bullshit articles online, shared some memes on Facebook, and waited to see if he’d log back on. That had happened a few times, after he’d done whatever he needed to in order to get over the embarrassment, annoyance, or brain breaking I’d subjected him to. He did need me, to a degree, and as inconvenient as my personality was for him, it was more to his benefit to keep me sweet.

Which probably made me a bad person for taking advantage of that for my own amusement just a little. But he could well be using me to find his friend so at least we both got something out of it.

It took longer than usual for him to come back this time, maybe I’d really pissed him off. But around the time I’d started scrolling through some cat pictures on Reddit, he came back.

Jake is online.

Jake: My apologies, something needed my immediate attention. Jake: I don’t know how my small talk abilities didn’t make it abundantly clear, but I haven’t had the time or opportunity for many dates in the recent past, virtual or not.

My eyes widened a tiny bit. Personal information AND multiple contractions? The language was still very stiff, of course, but there was a tiny bit less formality than earlier. Maybe he wasn’t reading as closely before he hit send. Trying not to chicken out?

Pure speculation, but I liked the thought.

MC: Shame. They can be fun, even without the orange juice. MC: What with the pandemic and all, it was that or nothing, so I tried my hand at it a few times. MC: Nothing came of it but you know. It passes the time.

Jake: Is that where your ability to connect with the group without meeting came from?

Interesting question, even feeling a bit loaded. I’d already confirmed I was single, of course, and I’d said I liked him more than once by now. But that still left a lot of room between “hermit” and “almost having a partner”, and I wondered if he was trying to suss that out.

MC: Not entirely. Most of my friendships are online ever since I moved a few years ago. I’m not the greatest at initiating conversation so I’ve mostly stuck with keeping in touch with them. MC: Keeping and forming connections aren’t the exact same, but since this lot seems to keep me close because Hannah sent my number, it helps.

Jake: I refuse to believe that you aren’t good at initiating. Jake: Conversation.

Oh, that made me laugh. I wanted desperately to push a little harder on that one, but he’d already logged off once and I was really enjoying talking to him. I got up and poured myself another glass to help me relax a bit further, since the one from my date with Jessy had started to wear off.

MC: I’m actually very shy at first, believe it or not. It’s only once I get comfortable with someone that I become the giant pain in the ass you see before you.

Jake: Does that mean you feel comfortable with me?

MC: Clearly. That’s how transitive property works, right?

Jake: Are you sure that’s the transitive property?

MC: Nope, but it is now.

Jake: Haha. Jake: You are quite intriguing.

MC: Boy, you know how to charm a girl. I guess “intriguing” certainly isn’t the worst I’ve been called though.

Jake is typing…

He stopped. I again waited for him to log off, but after several long beats, he hadn’t. I decided to put him out of his misery a little.

MC: So how much were you able to dig up on me? I’ve been curious. MC: I can only assume by this point that you know more about me than I do.

If he was surprised or unnerved by the change in topic, he didn’t show it.

Jake: I looked, of course, before I gave you access to Hannah’s information and the spy mode. Jake: It was possible that the reason she had your number was because you were the culprit.

MC: Guess being across the world helped reassure you.

Jake: That was part of it. Jake: Additionally, everything I saw pointed towards you being a perfectly normal woman.

MC: Normal? You must be bad at your job, sir. MC: But you didn’t actually answer what you dug up.

Jake: No, I did not. Jake: But I suppose you deserve to know. Jake: As you’ve mentioned, I have access to your phone. That allowed me to find your social media profiles and email very quickly. Jake: You don’t list your job on social media, interestingly. Nor the last several.

MC: No way I’m making it easier for them to find the shit I say. MC: I’m not sure I’d get fired faster for the nerdy bullshit or the liberal rants.

Jake: It’s a good idea to keep those separate, of course. Jake: It still would not be impossible to find. Jake: But you also use a nickname on social media and your legal name for work. Jake: And separate emails. Jake: That helps as well.

MC: My, are you this thorough with everything you do? MC: But the analysis is good. Though I’m sure you still found more.

I grinned into my glass a little. There was a chance he wouldn’t pick up on the suggestion behind my comment, but I wouldn’t mind letting him stew on it just the tiniest bit if he managed to.

Jake: Of course. Being thorough is required in my line of work, so it’s part of my nature.

Damn. Just enough that he could still be talking about hacking. Or he could be volleying it back. And in order to know, I’d have to be more obvious. But I couldn’t let him win like that, so I decided to let it go for now.

MC: I’m not that easily deterred. If you found my work email, you found my LinkedIn.

Jake: Yes, of course.

MC: And knowing my email means you know the username for just about everything.

Jake: Yes.

MC: So, anything interesting?

Jake: Well, to be honest, once I’d found your socials and work information, I had enough to determine you were safe to contact.

MC: And I totally believe that someone we’ve established as being painstakingly thorough stopped there.

Jake: After some of our conversations where I revealed more details to you, I did look a bit further. I connected you to an old username it doesn’t seem you use any longer.

Oh, damn. I should have expected that, but suddenly realized just how many old profiles I had under that name. Everything from dating profiles, to forums, to fanfiction. It went back as far as middle school.

Jake: I stopped after finding an old Xanga and LiveJournal. At that point, it no longer felt appropriate.

Okay, maybe he didn’t find my RPG posts. I hoped.

MC: I would have thought you’d find those entertaining. I was pretty angsty and faux-deep. Almost as bad as my sad folder. MC: Loved me some sparkly HTML backgrounds. MC: I got them all from a source of course, we can’t all be geniuses, and I considered myself something of a writer at the time. Coding was never my thing.

Hopefully, leaning into the embarrassment would get rid of the blush on my face. Plus, the second glass of wine was certainly helping to loosen my lips, er, fingers.

Jake: To be totally honest, I was far too busy remembering my own teenage angst to focus too heavily on yours. Jake: I scrubbed my own profiles years ago.

I smirked.

MC: Hm, now I’m curious what you used. MC: You can’t be too much younger than me if Xanga and LJ brought you back. MC: But I guess you could still be a late MySpace, early Facebook user and still remember those. MC: I’d bet good money you got your hands on a computer young, and probably had even less oversight than I did.

Jake: Mmh, but I thought your mom told you to be afraid of internet strangers.

MC: But she also believed I’d listen. It’s like she didn’t even know me. 🤭 MC: You’re probably not even the worst stranger danger I’ve let myself get involved with.

Another pause, but this one felt a little more comfortable. Maybe he was curious and wondering if he should ask. Or maybe he was pondering the meaning of “get involved with”. Maybe he just didn’t know how to reply.

Still, this time felt rather friendly, like the last hour or so had relaxed something in us both. I had no idea if he was flirting back or just clueless, but I didn’t sense any discomfort beyond maybe uncertainty.

Jake: MC, I have to go. Jake: But thank you, I enjoyed this time.

MC: Hopefully it made good practice for your next virtual date. 😝

Why would I say that? And why did that thought bother me that badly? Of him taking our conversation and using it to charm someone else?

That’s not good.

Jake: We shall see. Jake: :)

Well, fuck.

Honestly, I probably could have dwelled on that for the rest of the night. But nothing sobers a girl up and jerks her out of daydreaming about men quite like a rapid fire confession of lawbreaking from someone who you thought hated you, discovery of a lead on a kidnapping case, and realizing that the initials on that same lead may well match the initials of the guy you were just daydreaming about.

After a nearly sleepless night, I would come to realize that nothing cleared up exhaustion quite like a threatening call and learning that someone you knew was barely clinging to life, either.

#duskwood fanfic #duskwood mc #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood fandom #duskwood #mc x jake #jake x mc #duskwood jake #duskwood jake x mc

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demonsandmischief · 4 years ago

Text

Something Special (Part 4)

Marvel - A Bucky Barnes Imagine

Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

800 Words

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

NOTE: Using themes from EP 5 of TFATWS which was so soft, so comforting. It left on a good note, so I thought it would be a good chance for me to wrap up here, because your girl is SCARED for episode 6. Enjoy :))

Feeling Good.

----

How was Louisiana, and Sam?" you asked Bucky after he just got to your house. He had been all over the place, there was no way you could keep up, but you knew he was with Sam for a few days. This was the most relaxed you had seen him, so obviously it had done him some good.

"It was good. Really good. I liked it down there, but I missed my girl," he grinned softly, pulling you into his arms. He kissed your forehead.

"I missed you too," you blushed, pressing your cheek to his chest. It had been a few weeks, but he had kept his promise and called at least every night, but usually it was more.

"And listen, I won't have to go anywhere until Sam gets a lead, so I am all yours." He pulled you back so he could see your face, gently stroking your cheek with his cool metal hand.

You didn't know what had changed, but the difference was incredible. He seemed lighter, like a weight had been lifted and you absolutely adored the more frequent half smiles.

"I'm really glad to hear that," you bit your lip. "I was just going to order pizza if that's okay?"

Bucky nodded, "Do you care if I shower while you do that?"

While he showered, you changed into pajamas and the food finally arrived.

"You have a nice shower," he said almost teasingly as he entered the kitchen. He stopped when he saw you, "You're adorable."

"I'm just comfy," you whispered, handing him a plate. He was dressed in sweatpants and a henley, a few drops of water he must have missed collecting on the tight material.

"Actually, I have something," he disappeared and came back with a black hoodie. He held it out to you, "Instead of the one you have on. Isn't that what girlfriends like?"

You couldn't help the large smile of happiness as you shrugged it on. It swallowed you, but it smelled like him and you absolutely loved it.

Bucky was watching you with a content smile of his own, his hip resting against the island. He couldn't resist pulling you close, dipping his head so his lips brushed yours.

"Beautiful," he whispered, nuzzling his cheek with yours. He was blissed out. Nothing could be better than this moment with you.

You sat on the couch together as you are, a fluffy blanket covering both. The TV was on, but it was muted as you caught up with each other.

"You said Sarah has two kids?"

You didn't miss the small quirk of his lips that faltered slightly with his thoughts, "Two boys. They're pretty rambunctious."

You watched him closely. "Do you want kids, Buck?"

He ducked his head slightly, like he was a bit embarrassed. "I think I would like having a family."

"How many? Boys or girls?"

"I'd like to have a little girl, especially if she looked just like you," he said it so softly that you were sure you didn't hear right. He caught your eye and gave you a hesitant smile.

Despite the flames in your cheek you whispered, "What if I want a boy that looks like you?"

He sighed playfully, even dreamily, "I guess we'd have to compromise and have both."

Your cheeks hurt from the pure joy that radiated from your insides. You stuffed the last bit of pizza in your mouth as your head filled with children, filled with a future with the lovely guy sitting beside you.

After a bit of time passed, he slid down onto his back with you tucked to his front, his metal arm resting on your hip.

You yawned, and Bucky brushed his lips against your forehead again. You loved his forehead kisses. They made you feel so special.

"You're amazing, Bucky," you whispered. "I'm so lucky you're my soulmate."

"I'm the lucky one. I'm sorry it took me so long." He metal hand slipped under your sweatshirt, so you were skin to skin, or metal that is. He ran his thumb back and forth in soothing motions.

"It was worth it. You're something special," you grinned and he chuckled, vibrating your whole body.

His hand move to your stomach, rubbing large circles with his palm. It was so comforting and you could feel yourself drifting off to sleep.

"I'm glad you think that," his breath hit your ear and you shivered. "You're everything I live for. You're my family."

Bucky pulled the blanket over your body, and you smiled as you drifted into a peaceful sleep.

---

The End - But you'll see them again. :)

Here's the Spin Off for Sam Wilson.

A/N: Bucky is complete! But you'll probably seem them (you lol?) again with Sam. I'll probably give Sam an OC so it isn't confusing.

Thanks for reading thanks for the love. I appreciate each and everyone of you.

If you're in my taglist, let me know if you still want to be tagged for Sam, too.

Tag List: @superwholockruleztheworld @imiiimargo @hiuahoe @idunnomayn @cable-kenobi @nialeesato @bklynxbaby @wolflover384 @harrystylesholland @mytbel0st @burnalley @heyarely16 @lilithknight1111 @loveyou5everr

#bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes #bucky imagine #marvel imagine #marvel soulmate #marvel #sam wilson #tfatws imagine #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #james buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #bucky barnes soulmate au #soulmate au #sebastian stan fluff #bucky barnes fluff

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trying-to-get-somewhere-real · 3 years ago

Text

Some random spoiler-y thoughts based on discussions I’ve been having today (big thanks to @sapphicscholar and @queerofdenial for letting me pester them a lot) that aren’t very well-articulated but I just want to write them down under the cut so I don’t forget them. A caveat that this is all pretty critical because that’s the stuff that I most need to process for myself right now, but there were things I loved, especially in ep 3, and I am still holding out tempered hope for the season and still love these characters so so much.

--I felt a huge loss in any kind of tension (romantic/sexual but also just generally) between Deborah and Ava in ep 4 that has made me understand more than ever why the showrunners did The Email, even if I’m still not sure they’re executing the fallout very well. Most of what I am writing in this post is pretty critical, but this is me going on record with the belief that things would be even worse without The Email or something Email-like, and I give JLP a lot of credit for getting that when most of us probably didn’t (or at least me at the end of last season, I shouldn’t speak for anyone else). Ava and Deborah were basically besties the entire ep--it was like The Email and lawsuit didn’t exist--almost like it was out of time or something. I fear that without some sort of major new conflict like The Email, the entire season could have been like this buddy comedy with no interesting tension that this episode was. (there were other issues, but that was a big one for me)

--I don’t really understand where Deborah’s head is at with everything either--has she really forgiven Ava or not? If we don’t get more real conversations about it before the end of the season I will be extremely disappointed. This is definitely something that can still be addressed and improved so maybe I shouldn’t be complaining about it now, but it’s how I feel at the moment. At first I thought Deborah was just swinging back-and-forth--icing her out at the beginning of ep 3 and then being nicer when Ava lost her dad’s ashes and then reminding her at the end of the ep that the lawsuit was still a thing--but ep 4 just seemed to exist in an entire different universe with no swings at all. Maybe the point is that Ava also isn’t sure how Deb feels and we are supposed to be experiencing it through her eyes, but I think it might work better if the audience had a better grasp on Deborah’s headspace than Ava. Eps 1 and 2 still really had that tension that I love from S1, and then 3 was extremely icy until it wasn’t, but then at the end maybe it was again? When Ava said the suit was a bit, I kind of felt like that was the writers telling us it is a bit (but also NOT, which is a thing I love about the avadeb relationship -- things are always a joke and not simultaneously) - but I just don’t know what that’s supposed to look like in the day-to-day for them and it feels like the writers don’t necessarily either.

--I knew going into this season that we would get guilty/meek Ava, but it was hard for me to watch in Ep 3 even if it is narratively appropriate (and to be fair, I knew I wouldn’t like it and would have to watch it before the season even began) because Ava pushing back on Deborah is what makes her special. Others have already touched on the fact (more eloquently than I) that it was a huge wasted opportunity here to not have Ava react to Deborah’s behavior and getting them kicked off the cruise--this could have been like 1.69 million but even better because it was arguably even more personal for Ava, but instead we got nothing. Again, I understand why Ava isn’t her usual self post-Email, but I just don’t like it and miss the Ava who got up in Deb’s face so much.

--Having this season so removed from the Frank reveals makes Deborah’s behavior harder to witness, I think, because her meanness just feels like ego (even though we know it’s not). We got the one joke about Frank and the colonoscopy in ep 1, but that was mostly so we’d think about Ava, and not Deborah’s own feelings. (betrayal is the worst thing from someone close to you, etc.) Divorced from her pain, it all just feels kind of petty. Where is the “hurt meets rage” from last season and even ep 2?! She was so so hurt by Ava in an obvious way at the diner and in the car. Then she announced it was over and it was? That can’t be the end of it, but I am uneasy about to what extent it might be. I think she was always capable of this kind of petty, hurtful behavior and I haven’t been “surprised” per se, especially not by anything she said or did in the first two eps, but it does not feel tethered to anything else right now and that’s why it’s not working for me as the episodes pass. I guess maybe it’s tethered to the show bombing, but as @sapphicscholar brilliantly observed, there’s been too much telling around that and not enough showing.

There are a lot of other things to say about these two eps, but these are just some disorganized, larger-scale thoughts I am having, particularly about the avadeb relationship and what it’s going to look like as the season and show continue. I’ll be interested to re-read this at the end of the season and see whether my concerns were warranted or premature.

#hacks hbo #hacks spoilers #hacks s2 #ava x deborah #i put a read more #on this but not sure if it worked on mobile #if not apologies

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mostlywritersblock · 3 years ago

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Arcane FF

Author’s note. This is not a Silco/Powder but more of a trauma induced father-daughter relationship. That being said feel free to read it however you like. Hoping to post on AO3 here soon.

Takes place at the end of Ep3.

( as of writing this I have yet to watch ep 4-6 fully, so please if anything is incorrect let me know!)

Trigger warning, there is description of several panic attacks (though Powder doesn’t know that’s what’s happening) also slight mention of suicide and self harm.

Part 2.

Part 1. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Part 8.

======================================

Silco didn’t stop walking until he reached the ‘common’ area. Glancing about he moved towards the couch and in one smooth swoop laid himself down upon it. He let out a deep sigh.

His body was aching; not just from the fight, or from the explosion, but carrying a child who was far too old to be carried was a feat in itself. He closed his eyes and let himself relax momentarily for the first time that day.

Slowly, almost cautiously, he let his thoughts play out. Unguarded he let his emotions roam free.

The first thing he was aware of, other than the physical ailments, was the deep hollowness he was experiencing whenever his mind would stray towards Vander. That alone was concerning, but he underlined it with red and shoved it aside as the next thought took it’s place. The explosion. What the hell had happened? Things weren’t going exceptionally well, but there had been no way Vander and his spawn were going to stand against his monstrosity. Then he’d seen a brief flash of blue and a force unlike any he’d experienced before tossed him backwards - about the same time Sevika shoved him aside.

He shook his head. It didn’t add up, where had it come from? Who had caused it?

…A brief idea of who it could be crossed his mind, but it was quickly tossed into the bin. It was highly improbable - and yet.

Where had the child -Jinx, come from? She was clearly Vander’s other daughter. But why hadn’t she joined the fight early on like the other three had? Was she hidden? She was certainly small, perhaps not yet ready to fight?

And yet, she’d come so willingly.

Silco pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a noise of frustration. Somehow he felt as though he were missing only a few pieces to this puzzle, but they were unfortunately the most important. The picture not quite clear.

He’d be sure to ask in the morning though.

The sounds of footsteps approaching stirred him out of his thoughts. Begrudgingly he sat up, just as the door leading back out to the armory opened.

Sevika shuffled in. Which if he’s being honest to himself was quite the surprise, though he hid it from his face. Instead he raised an eyebrow in question.

“The lads are calling it quits for the night, I told them we’d regroup as soon as I’d gotten word.” Her voice was hoarse, her good arm holding the poorly covered stump of her other arm-er shoulder. Blood was slowly dripping onto the floor. It was clear she wasn’t well, the paleness of her skin alone making her look like one of the dead as she leaned heavily up against the door frame.

He studied her closely, somewhat impressed she had felt the need to report to him herself. Let alone the energy.

“Good. You can tell them to meet here tomorrow evening. What happened tonight was only a minor set back in our grander mission.” He looked from her to the quickly accumulating blood on the floor. “You may go, take care of yourself, get some rest, and tomorrow we shall begin anew.” It was a polite dismissal, but a dismissal all the same.

Sevika nodded slowly to his words and then, as if the effort alone was too much, let out a little grunt as she pushed her self away from the entry. She shuffled painfully towards another door.

Silco watched her struggle half way across the floor before he called out.

“Bye the way. Thank you…I know you were only doing what I pay you for, but-“ he looked once more at where her arm should be, “thank you.”

She stopped long enough to glance at him under her disheveled hair, letting out a small noise of acknowledgment before smirking. “If you’re really so grateful, you’d get the damn door, like a true gentleman.”

Silco stared back, his own grin forming darkly on his face. Slowly he stood up and made his way across to her.

“Of course, where are my manners.” He said gently as we moved passed her and to the door, quickly pulling it open.

Sevika stood frozen, surprised that he actually listened to her, something akin to fear crossing her features as she looked between him and the door. Hesitantly she made her way to them. A stray thought came to her suddenly.

“Where’s the girl?”

His smirking face quickly morphed into a scowl, “she’s sleeping.”

“Here?” Sevika questioned as she neared the door.

“In the old break room.”

Sevika found herself frowning. For once some part of her dark heart ached. She hadn’t really known the children, but she knew Vander and how much he had sacrificed for them, only for things to end the way they had. She didn’t feel guilty, but the kids…they shouldn’t have gotten mixed up in this.

“She’s just a child, Silco.” She murmured, not meeting his eyes. “Don’t you think she deserves something a little better than a broom closet?”

“The break room is better than a broom closet.”

Despite his words, Sevika felt herself snorting in amusement. This entire situation screamed bad idea, as well as bizarre.

He looked at her in confusion.

“Sorry,” she held his gaze, “I guess I just find this entire situation royally fucked.” She paused. “We’re royally fucked, if the enforcers -“

“They aren’t going to do anything, I made sure of that.”

She raised a brow at him, “Fine. Then what about the girl, what do you thinks going to happen when she wakes up tomorrow and finally realizes you’re the one who kidnapped her dad? It’s not going to be good.”

“I’ll deal with that when it happens.” He stated, stepping closer to her. “Besides, I think the child has her own share of secrets.”

She shook her head. “This is a bad idea Silco-“ She paused as his words registered with her. “What do you mean?”

He searched her face for a moment, “I mean, I think perhaps she might be the cause of our misfortune tonight, of your misfortune.” He motioned towards her wound.

She looked down at her shoulder as she considered his words, “You think she caused the explosion?” She looked at him incredulously. “How?”

A small nonchalant shrug as he crossed his arms. “I’ve no idea. But I’m going to find out. Whether it be the child or not, a power such as what we saw tonight could be very useful to us.”

“Useful and dangerous.” Sevika said eyeing him closely. “I’ve only got so many limbs to spare.”

It was meant as a joke but the fact that they both flinched at her words said different.

Speaking of limbs, the numbness was starting to wear away.

Her comment must have pissed him off, because she could see the anger rising in his eye. But instead of lashing out he took a deep, shaky breath. A hand raking through his hair.

“Listen.” His voice was strangely soft as he took another step closer. “We’ve both had a tremendously long day. You’re tired, I’m tired. Let’s both just get some rest and then we can continue this conversation tomorrow with the boys.”

She looked at him closely, only now realizing just how exhausted the man appeared. She could feel her adrenaline slowly fading as well, meaning pretty soon her body was going to be actively aware it had lost a limb, and she didn’t want to be sober when that happened.

“Fine.” She agreed, just as softly. He didn’t step back however, instead he took another step forward. Almost nose to nose.

He eyes drifted from her, down her neck and over to her shoulder. An emotion she couldn’t quite pin down crossed his features before it was carefully schooled back into neutrality.

Then he took three small steps back, allowing her access to the open door once more. She nodded in thanks as she made her way past him.

“Sevika.”

She paused as she reached the doorway, looking back. He was facing away from her though.

“I meant what I said.” A glance over his shoulder as his good eye met hers. “Thank you.”

She held his gaze for a long moment. Nodded and kept on walking. The door closing behind her with a soft click.

Silco stared at the space where she’d just been, alone once more he felt the strange urge to go after her. Shaking off the feeling he walked backwards until his legs bumped into the couch. He laid back down with another deep sigh.

A quick rest, then he’d be back up and on his way to a proper bed.

But his body had a different plan, eye closed; he was asleep within minutes.

==============================================

Powder awoke to the sound of an explosion ringing through her ears. Her body felt as though it was falling yet she could see herself laying in the small cot. Disoriented she moved to sit up, glancing down at her hands, she was shaking. Her breaths coming out in short little burst. Why, what was happening?

All at once her memories caught up with her, Vander, her family, Vi leaving - she was already crying but it suddenly felt like that wasn’t enough. That there was just too much emotion inside her.

She wanted to scream.

Grasping at the sheets as she sobbed, Powder became aggressively louder until once again she found that it was becoming hard to breath. Panicking she stumbled off the cot and quickly made it to the door.

Her tears and the dim hallway made it hard for her to see as she cried out for anyone.

She tripped, on nothing but her own clumsiness, and like a falling tree, she came crashing down to her knees.

She let out a broken scream.

=============================================

Silco shot straight up as a high pitched wail startled him. For a moment he thought perhaps the enforcers had found them, that someone was being murdered just a few doors away. As he stared around the empty room he listened closely.

For a minute there was nothing but silence, then he heard it, more little wails, not as loud as before but it definitely sounded like someone was in pain. Frowning he stood up.

Cautiously he made his way towards the far door, the one he’d come through just hours earlier-

The girl.

Eyes growing wide, Silco quickly tossed the door open and ran.

===================================================

Powder lay in the middle of the hall, knees tucked tightly to her chest as she tried to make herself as small as possible. She wanted to disappear, wanted to cease existing if only the pain would stop. It felt as though her heart were breaking into a billion pieces all over again. Foolishly she’d believed that when she woke up it would all have been a nightmare. But that wasn’t the case. This was real, she’d murdered her brothers and father, she’d driven Vi to abandoning her. She was nothing but trouble from the first day, she was the problem, she was the -

“Jinx!”

Powder thought her heart might stop. She felt cold, ice cold. She was hearing voices now.

“Jinx?”

Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard footsteps approaching.

She curled up tighter, bracing for a kick or another slap to the face.

It’s what she deserved.

There was a presence near her, then a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Jinx.”

She continued to sob, her hands covering her face dug in painfully. It felt like relief.

The hand on her shoulder reached for her wrist, tugging just as gently.

“Jinx, let go.”

She dug in harder. The grip on her wrist did the same and slowly pulled her hands away.

She felt another hand slide under her arm and drag her away from the floor. She began to lash out.

“No!”

“Jinx-“

“No! Just leave me! It’s what I deserve! It’s not fair!” She struggled to get out of the strong grasp encircling her, the person slowly pulling her to them.

“No!” She hit and clawed but it didn’t seem to make a difference. Eventually she was pinned between arms and a solid chest that vaguely felt familiar.

She flailed for a few more moments before finally giving into the hold, body deflating like a balloon. She sagged against the figure holding her as her crying continued.

“It’s not fair.” She mumbled against the chest.

“…What isn’t.”

Not expecting a response to her statement, Powder paused to open her eyes since she fell to the floor earlier.

“It should have been me.” She said to familiar clothing, familiar arms.

A hand rubbed down her back.

“…Explain.”

She looked up, meeting a familiar gaze.

Silco.

Instantly she began to hold onto him, her panic leaving her in waves as a new comfort replaced it.

He came back.

He’d kept his promise.

Realizing he was still waiting for her answer, Powder pressed her check against him, hiding her face.

“It should have been me, I shouldn’t have been there, but I was, and I - I jinxed everything. They’d still be here if it wasn’t for me.” Her voice was shaking again and she took a deep breath to help steady it. “It should have been me, not them.”

She felt the arms holding her tighten at this admission.

“You blame yourself for what happened.” He whispered to her, she nodded.

“You shouldn’t.”

His words felt like a slap to the face, they were too loud and too strong and said with such an inflection of truth, that for a moment, Powder believed him. She pulled back quickly to look up at him. Shock on her face.

He stared back. “You were trying to help.” She gave a small nod. “Then it wasn’t your fault.”

“No, but I did it, I caused -“

“The explosion.” It wasn’t a question. Again she nodded. “I thought so.”

She looked down at her hands. “…I killed them.”

Large hands came up and gripped hers. “It was an accident.”

Furious she looked back up at him. “I killed them!”

Silco didn’t seemed phased by her anger, he just held her stare. After a moment she looked back down. Their hands were still joined.

“And what about your sister.”

Powder frowned. “What?”

“She was there, your brothers too, they were all trying their best to help but it wasn’t working.”

She kept her gaze down. “What do you mean.”

“I’m trying to tell you that it would have made no difference had you been there or not, Jinx.”

Without thinking she began squeezing their hands.

“Whether you caused that explosion or not, their fates were already sealed.”

“How-“

“Your sister made sure of it.”

Powder looked up, new tears brimming her eyes. “She couldn’t-“

“She thought she could save them, but it only prolonged the inevitable, she changed the outcome, disrupted the plan. She thought she was ready but your father knew better and in trying to save her, condemned himself.”

Powder stared at him in shock.

“Of course, it had all been an accident, she didn’t mean for any of it to happen.”

“But my brothers-“

“Caught in the cross fire, unfortunately.”

She let out a small wail. She didn’t know what to think, was he telling her the truth?

He’d given her no reason to not trust him thus far. Other than the glaring elephant in the room.

Oh yes, she knew who he was, what he’d done.

Yet some how none of that had mattered when she was screaming and crying out when Vi had left. When he held her and whispered promises about the future. When he’d brought her with him, given her a bed and then promised to come back.

And then did.

It was more than she could say for her family in the past few months. Of course they weren’t mean to her, they gave her a bed and food, but if she had really needed them, would they have come for her?

Powder wasn’t so sure. And now she’d never know -

No. No they would have. Shaking her head violently she sat back.

Silco was saying something again, she tried to focus on his voice, but there were too many thoughts swirling inside her.

“If you blame yourself then you must also blame your sister, after all she was the one leading them, wasn’t she?”

Powder nodded, only half listening.

“Then tell me Jinx, why weren’t you there with them?”

What?

Oh.

“Vi told me to stay. She said I wasn’t ready…and I wasn’t”

“I disagree.”

Powder frowned. “But, but I’m not.”

“You blew up my entire operation there, several of my employees and -“

“Killed my family.”

“Indirectly.” Silco put a finger under her chin, directing up to him. “That’s more than I can say for your sister. You were ready Jinx and she held you back.”

Powder searched his gaze before suddenly flinging her self onto him, her arms wrapping around his neck, her cheek pressed to his.

His arms came up around her after a moments hesitation but he held her securely against him.

“If you want someone to blame Jinx, blame her, you could have avoided this whole mess had you been by her side from the beginning.” He whispered into her hair. “But all that’s going to change now, because you’ll be by my side. We’ll prove everyone wrong.” He felt her grip on him tighten.

“We’ll show them. Just like you said.” She whispered back.

“Just like I promised.” He brought a hand up to the back of her head, his other gently rubbing her back.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, neither saying anything and just taking in comfort from the other.

Eventually though Silco’s body was starting to protest, his knees especially.

“Jinx…” He prodded gently, “might we go back to bed.” Unfortunately the child clung to him harder at his words. “I need to sleep Jinx and so do you, we can talk more in the morning but -“

“I’m scared.” She glanced at him from the side. “I don’t like that room and I don’t want to be alone.”

Silco felt a headache coming on. On one hand he could tell her to toughen up, send her back to the room and let that be it. Though there stood a good chance that it would put some strain on - on whatever this was - and he didn’t exactly want to cause anymore friction. There was also the possibility she would have another melt down and come find him again. On the other hand he could give in and find some place they’d both be equally comfortable and the child wouldn’t have to be alone, it might actually have the added benefit of strengthening -whatever this was - and make her trust him more easily. But. He’d lose some privacy, crossing this line would set the precedent for their future interactions and he wasn’t so keen on losing that-

“Please.” She looked at him with the biggest puppy dog eyes. Surprisingly, it worked.

Oh what the hell. What’s one night anyway?

“Fine.” He let out a long sigh, looped his arms under her and stood up. It took a little more effort this time but he managed, again she clung on like some kind of ape.

He headed them back in the direction of the common area. There was no way he was making it to his private quarters tonight.

A few minutes later and they were back inside the room with the comfy looking couch. Silco set them both down.

“Here.” He said moving to giver her room to lay down. “You can sleep right here and I’ll be right over there.” He nodded towards one of the chairs. It looked less comfy than the couch but it would have to do.

She laid down, watching him as he dug out another wool blanket from one of the boxes and came back over. He placed it across her and she burrowed herself in. Then he went and sat in one of the opposite chairs. He slouched down, trying to lay as vertically as possible in the chair. I certainly wasn’t very gentleman-like but if he was being honest he really didn’t give a shit at the moment, he doubted Jinx did either. He closed his eye.

She stared at him from under the blanket.

“Sleep Jinx.” He said not bothering to look at her.

===================================================

She watched him for a few more minutes as his breathing got deeper, he had fallen asleep.

He was… different than what she imagined, not that she’d really ever given him any thought prior to tonight. But if someone had told her she’d be sleeping in the same room as the man who’d harmed her family she would have tossed her monkey bomb at them.

He looked peaceful sleeping. So far when awake the man seemed to have a constant scowl upon his face, that or as if he were about to die of boredom. Powder could relate. She often found herself bored at home, especially when Vi, Mylo and Clagger were out without her.

She wondered if she’d get bored here. Something in her gut told her that wasn’t likely to happen. Not for a while at least. She was so far out of her element she wondered if she was made for this kind of life, if perhaps she should have gone out with her family. If that would have been easier.

It sure felt like it would have.

Her mind was racing despite the exhaustion she felt. It was easier, being in the room with him. She was less afraid. But she didn’t like the distance. So far every sliver of peace she’d felt since Vi’s words, had come from the man holding her.

Slowly she pulled back the blanket and sat up. She wrapped it around her small frame and slid off the couch. Tiptoeing towards the man she stopped by his side looking him over. He didn’t appear to be injured other than the dark bruise that was forming around his neck. She wondered what had happened, the idea unnerved her and so she quickly moved on to his face. She was curious, the skin was darker, marred a bit but nothing too horrible to look at. The eye was a different matter, it had scared her initially but not enough to turn her away, now however she already started to associate it with the man as a signature quirk, like her blue hair. Gently she touched the mans shoulder, when he didn’t stir, she slowly climbed into his lap. He was cold as she settled in, suddenly very glad she brought the blanket with her and placed it delicately on top of them. She rested her head on his chest. Just as she was getting comfy she felt the man stir above her. Stiffening she waited for him to scold her, or worse, shove her off. But neither came, instead the man shifted into a more comfortable position and wrapped his arms securely around her, resting his head on top of hers.

Jinx felt warm, and for a night full of first, a piece of her shattered heart started melding back together. They didn’t fit perfectly, but that was okay. It was something. It was healing.

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sugar-spice-and-pretty-men · 2 years ago

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Sandman ep 3+4 impressions - Joanna Constantine was surprisingly cooperative. When she pointedly told Morpheus to fuck off and only cared about her job I thought we’d spend the whole episode playing bullshit game to get her to help, but she actually didn’t mind lending him a hand, which was a breath of fresh air after the first ep where 90% of people involved refused to compromise whatsoever. Granted she only wanted to get rid of the nightmare and did try to slip away, but overall that went well enough. - Matthew my dude, the reason why she got away was because you distracted Morpheus! Speaking of which, Matthew was a human who died and the next thing he knew, he was a raven. Dude sure took it in stride, just shrugged it off and went on with his new job. - Poor Rachel falling in love with the wrong person and suffered terribly for it. Still, 6 months and no one went to check on her?? Where the heck were her friends and family?! - Now I know why Morpheus was stuck in the basement for a decade, it has been 10000 years and he still hasn’t forgiven Nada, dude’s just petty as fuck. Then again Gods and the Divines in mythologies are rarely known for being forgiving lol. Really curious what happened between them though. - Morpheus owe both Lucienne and Matthew a heartfelt thank for looking after his ass. - I thought Morpheus was going to get his ass kicked by Lucifer, but then they started playing a game of who is stronger Naruto vs Goku... - I feel like I missed something with the “hope” one, wouldn’t despair kill hope? Or did that not count because Despair is his sibling? Why did Lucifer look so shaken? I didn’t quite get that part. - I have seen Neil Gaiman hyped up Lucifer’s casting a lot, so I was looking forward to Lucifer’s performance but honestly I was disappointed. First of all the hairstyle they chose for her fucking sucked, her face was already so round and soft, so that puffy curly hair just made her look like a Karen. She didn’t look ethereal and threatening at all, she looked like a childish middle-aged woman ready to throw a tantrum. The only thing I liked about her was her height, I liked how they used the camera angle to show her dwarfing over Morpheus, that was cool. Also her outfits were dope. - Rosemary my dear, showing too much kindness to the wrong person will only result in disaster. That amulet John gave you, please for the love of all good thing in the world, throw it into a fucking lake or something. That will only cause trouble, you don’t want to accidentally have some people fucking explode while defending yourself. At least she’s alive though, god I was afraid she was gonna die. - Ethel was a great character, I feel conflicted about her. She genuinely loved her son but she was also a terrible mother, she accidentally created a monster and didn’t know how to deal with it. - If I understood it right, Ethel was 116 years old when she died, she had John when she was fairly young, like when she was 20-ish? So John must be around 90 years old? Wait that doesn’t feel right, he’s too mobile and clear-minded for a 90 years old. He seems more like 70-ish to me. But let’s say he’s 90yrs old and was kept fairly young because of magic or whatever, he said he had been locked up for 30 years. So he stole the ruby and made a mess at... 60 yrs old...? Like really? Rebellion at the retire age...? - The timeline is kinda fucked, like Morpheus said he was imprisoned for a decade, but Alex already looked like 8-9 yrs old when Morpheus got caught. How the fuck did both Alex and Paul come to be in such great shape at like 110 years old?? As far as I know they had no magic shit lying around because Ethel stole them already, and Alex wasn’t really taught magic by his father. So what the heck? It’s especially confusing when you consider how Alex wasn’t that much younger than Ethel. He was already like a late teenager when they met, and Ethel was like only a few years older than him. Without the Amulet of Protection, Ethel crumbled to death, but Alex was healthy enough to be able to stand and walk a little by himself. The characters’ age is kind of a fuckery. I should have paid more attention to the date but I’m also not sure if that would helped lol.

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felassan · 4 years ago

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Check out this video interview with Mark Darrah, ‘On Anthem’s Launch, Dev Advice, And Leaving BioWare’. It’s interesting and pretty substantial. He talks about a bunch of different things, including his YouTube channel, things BioWare could’ve done differently, crunch, whether he’ll write a book about his gamedev experiences, gamedev pitfalls, Anthem’s troubled development, the development of projects he worked on including DA2, cancelled projects (and what happened to them) including Jade Empire 2 / ‘Jade Modern’ / Revolver and Mass Effect: Corsair, the reasons why he left BioWare and Dragon Age 4.

I recc giving the whole thing a watch, but if you’re not able to, here are the Dragon Age 4-related quotes and other especially interesting-to-me portions transcribed for ur convenience! (under a cut due to length):

Mark: "There is a tendency for projects that are small to think they're amazing, because it's so much easier. Like when I ran Sonic [Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood] - it was a 20 person team - it's just so much easier to make things go smoothly than when you have a 200 person team. So I think that we've made progress, but as Dragon Age pivots into production and that team gets bigger and bigger, it will be interesting to see if that's true or if it's just the blindness of being a small team. Like when Inquisition was in the throes of shipping, both Mass Effect: Andromeda and Anthem would love to talk about how they were 'doing things right!' and then they fell in totally different holes, but still fell in a bunch of holes after Inquisition shipped. So I do think that there is a hubris that comes from a project in early development where you feel like this time you've figured it out."

--- Mark: “As Dragon Age [4] was moving towards production, I could see that like, the team, I've been told by people that they've never met a team that more wants to be in production than Dragon Age team. But what ended up happening was, in order for the team to really explore the space properly, we had to sort've train them to be in pre-production. But that meant that that team no longer really wanted to be in production, they wanted to be in pre-production. And so, looking at what was going to be required to pivot that team into production, it wasn't a challenge that I thought I was up to any longer. I think that team, once they get into the mindset, is capable of moving entire mountains, and will move entire mountains, but they need someone that can lead them through that."

Interviewer: “Yeah, from the outside it's striking that you and Casey Hudson left at the same time. It sort’ve definitely implies a ‘fuck this’ moment for the two of you. If it was just you saying ‘I can’t do it’ then it’s understandable.”

Mark: “Yeah, no, I mean, it’s hilarious, because, we definitely were not coordinated. That was, as near as I can determine, there was nothing that triggered us on the same moment other than maybe just a sort’ve mounting, just, like, this friction, being at the, I would say, the GM and EP, the point at which the [something?] friction and the project friction meet, and you’re just sort of grinding there. But I don’t think there was a massive injection of anything late last year that triggered that. Not that I can point to. For me, yeah, I do think it was, weirdly, a coincidence. Casey and I have stayed in touch, we didn’t leave to go form a studio together or anything.”

---

Interviewer: “Are you being torn apart a little bit internally about that pressure of, ‘I know if I just made a video that said, The Secrets of Dragon Age - not even Dragon Age 4, whatever the hell that thing’s called at this point - but just, The Secrets of Dragon Age: Origins’, like, you know that audience surely would show up. I imagine there’s that community that’s screaming at you, like, ‘Tell us something we don’t know about Dragon Age, tell us about the future!!’, versus, trying to play it a little more straight and actually offer gamedev advice.”

Mark: “Yeah, for sure, absolutely, like, looking at, there is an entire segment of YouTube which is ‘Dragon Age fans talking about Dragon theories and watching the trailers and picking them apart’ and I could do that, and that would be, I feel like that would almost destructive to everybody, because I could deflate all the theories, some of which are completely completely wrong, some of which are amazingly right. But I think, like, I don’t think the community actually wants that. They might sort’ve think they do, but I think if I just sort’ve pulled away the curtain, I think it’d be like, ‘Ohh.. but now what are we gonna talk about? :(’ Like I don’t think that anybody wants that honestly. It would be great for my metrics but I don’t think anyone really wants that.”

Interviewer: “And not to offer you advice, but like I think there’s somewhere in the middle. Like when they have the next teaser trailer for the next Dragon Age project, you could do a reaction video to that and it would be your most viewed thing by a mile, and you wouldn’t be stepping on anybody’s toes.”

Mark: “Yeah, I have thought about that exact thing. Cause we’ve now moved, I think, beyond the horizon of anything that comes out of Dragon Age at this point, like if they’re at EA Play, and I don’t know if they’re at EA Play or not, then whatever that is will be something that I didn’t have anything to do with, so we’re reaching the point where I can now, I feel like, start to provide, yeah, reaction videos from the perspective of, an incredibly well-informed outsider.”

---

Interviewer: “And you must know, even though you’re not inside the studio, like, just have an appreciation how much that [MELE’s good success and good reception] can do for the studio’s morale. I’d imagine it’s just night and day.”

Mark: “Oh, absolutely, like. Andromeda and Anthem being the last two things before the remaster, that is a cloud that hangs above the studio for sure.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, I mean I remember visiting for Dragon Age: Inquisition, it must have been, and it was still, like, the Mass Effect 3 ending, I feel like, even visiting the studio for two days, you could feel that like, funk, of just like ��ugh, good Christ, we’ve gotten the crap kicked out of us’.”

Mark: “Yeah, I mean. The Mass endings is an interesting one for me. Because, it’s not the choices I would have made to end the game, but those are the choices that were made. I wonder... I don’t like ultimatums, and I feel like with Mass 3, the team kind’ve gave into an ultimatum. The community was so angry that we then released new better endings to ‘fix it’, and it’s not that that’s a bad piece of content, that’s a good piece of content, but I just worry that, the internet today, seems almost like... a reaction to the Mass 3 endings. Almost like, the internet learned that if you just yell loud enough you get what you want. And I don’t think that’s real, because it’s Mass Effect, it’s not Star Wars.”

Interviewer: “But I mean, if it wasn’t the ending of Mass Effect 3, it would have been something else in that era of Voices On The Internet Being So loud that it causes a big company to pivot and be like ‘Okay, we’ll try and make you a little bit happier, please just relax everybody’.”

Mark: “Yeah, totally. So I mean, I don’t think Mass Effect bears the brunt of the blame of toxic fan culture. But certainly it’s one of the very first examples of that culture managing to make something happen.”

---

Mark: “Now I do feel that maybe I overlearned that lesson, because, something that I did a lot on Anthem was talk about how, you know, ‘this is not a BioWare-style game, this is not gonna have the storytelling that you’re used to’. And I think maybe I overstressed that. I do think that at the end of the day where we are with Anthem today, if you were a BioWare fan that liked all our other games, and you play Anthem with an eye to playing it as a storytelling game, it’s certainly not our best, but it’s not bad.”

Interviewer: “So Anthem marketing and messaging was hurt because you were overlearning the lessons from Sonic, that’s the takeaway?”

Mark: “I do think so. I do think that like, I don’t think it was from the marketing perspective, but I do think that both Casey and I overstressed [that]. We didn’t want people to get mad at us for making a game that wasn’t a very good storytelling game, so we wanted to get ahead of that message and say like, ‘it’s not a very strong storytelling game, it’s a game about all this other stuff’, but, at the end of the day, it is a storytelling game, it’s still in there. And those are the people that stayed away. And if those people hadn't stayed away, I’m not saying the game would have suddenly done [awesome], but it would’ve softened the narrative a little bit, I think.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, yeah. I mean, I’m sure you understand this better than anybody, but that’s such a loaded term to say ‘This is a BioWare-style game’, and obviously there’s that era of EA where they were trying to say that every project within EA was a ‘BioWare-style’ game and so, it’s interesting to hear you kind’ve, hemming and hawwing about how much to lean into, ‘no no, this one is 100% BioWare, this one is 73% BioWare’ - it’s such a murky thing.”

Mark: “It absolutely is, I mean, and I even said these things. Like we made MDK2, well, we made it, so I mean is that a ‘BioWare-style’ game? Is Baldur’s Gate a ‘BioWare-style’ game? But if it is, then how is Mass Effect a ‘BioWare-style’ game, and certainly I don’t think anyone would argue that Mass Effect is not a ‘BioWare-style’ game. So that term has to evolve as the studio continues. But I think for whatever reason, for a variety of reasons, I guess, with Anthem we were worried that maybe we’d pushed it a bit too far. And then I guess we did.”

Interviewer: “Did you enjoy any part of working on Anthem, or was it just a matter of putting out so many fires that it was just nothing but stress til the end?”

Mark: “It was stressful for me. I mean. I have a weird - the last ten years of my career at BioWare seemed to involve a lot of helping people land their planes. And that’s what Anthem was for me, I wasn't there from the beginning. I was helping to land it. I think there’s a satisfaction that comes with landing a game, with finishing a product, and I felt that with Anthem as well, and there were a lot of talented people on that project that I’d never worked with before, and that was great. It was great to, y’know, figure out these people that had only ever worked on a Mass Effect, that I’d never worked with before, their skills and abilities. I really like understanding the strengths and weaknesses of a person and building around that. I didn’t really have an opportunity on Anthem to do that because y’know, we were just trying to get the plane on the ground, but I think, having learned about what those people could do, that’s very gratifying because it lets you imagine what you could do with them in the future.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, if things aligned magically, but for you you realized it never was gonna align, and it was always just right on the horizon of being able to cobble this amazing talent together and focus it down.”

Mark: “Yeah, I mean - I think that I, the mistake that I made on Anthem, I think the biggest mistake, was I’m used to getting a team that pushes back on me in a certain way. So as I’m sort’ve pushing the stick down to get the plane to hit the runway, I’m used to pushing it sort’ve too far, because I know that the team is gonna push it back and then we’re gonna end up where it should be. And I think that given the state of the team on Anthem when I came on, and given the differences in personalities of the leaders there, versus the ones that I’d been working with for ten years, that’s not what happened. I think if anything, I pushed it down, and then they grabbed it and pulled it even further, because they were desperate for help in decision-making, and I was providing decisions. And they were grabbing onto that, and so I thought we were on this glide slope [motions], I was aiming at this glide slope expecting that we were gonna be like [this], but instead we were like [this], and so we, yeah, we landed that pretty rough. But, I mean, it was my call, I’m the one that said we shouldn’t push to move this, not because I thought it was perfect, but because the only path I could see to making it way better was moving it a lot. And when you’re in the last eight, nine weeks of a project, I could only see like, if we were gonna move it, we [would] have to move it like a year. And that’s - in a public corporation that’s a hard argument to make.”

---

Mark: “One of the most expensive things a project can do is slip. Because, your team, when you do that your team is at its maximum size, so if you got 200 people working on a project and you move a month, well that’s 200 staff months, you just got a bunch more expensive just by moving a month. Whereas actually adding more people, well if you only got a month left, to add 200 staff months to a project, you gotta add 200 people, that’s a lotta people. Moving the date is one of the most expensive, and you can reach a point where it’s like, look, it’s not worth it, if we move the date it’s gonna cost more to continue this project than it’s gonna make, so we’re not gonna. But rarely is that the case, you’ve already spent the money you’ve spent, so the only cost that matters is the cost going forward.”

Interviewer: “So, do you regret not pushing for Anthem to be delayed a year or was it good just to get something on the ground so that we could start building to take it off again with a living game?”

Mark: “Yeah, honestly, I don’t regret it, the [team/game?] was tired and it didn’t have another year in it, and I think a lot of the things that are super obvious now, some of them we knew, some of them we knew, like the balance, we had done one, clean balance pass, by having QA come in and hotseat their way through the game over Christmas break. Like literally playing the game 24 hours a day. We’d done basically that once. So we knew that, we knew that. But a lot of the other things kind’ve only came out once it was out in peoples’ hands. I think the path that I wasn’t capable of seeing at the time that could’ve maybe resulted in a better game would’ve been to put it into beta, like a real beta, in the state that it was in, and run it like that and then release it a year later. But I don’t know if there was the will to do that frankly. There might be now... I think Anthem taught EA a lot of lessons.”

Mark: “[on Cyberpunk] I think many of the same things happened there [as with Anthem]. They had a team that was tired and it wasn’t ready but they couldn’t see the path to getting it more ready. If the team is too tired, just taking another two months just isn’t gonna get you what you think it’s gonna get you.” [source]

#dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #long post #longpost #mass effect: andromeda #anthem #mass effect

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xoxo-teddybear · 4 years ago

Text

Oh, The Lies You Tell - Bakugou Katsuki- pt.3

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: angst, trauma, abuse, betrayal, fluff, slice of life, smut, cursing, manipulation, possible spoilers, physical harm, 18+

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Ep. Warnings: cursing

Summary: Y/N is denying her feelings. ALL of them.

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7 Pt.8 Pt.9

When you closed the door, you had to catch your breath. You leaned against it with your eyes closed as a slight smile grew on your face. A little blush dusting over your cheeks, causing rising heat to roam your skin. You opened your eyes and saw Rumor looking at you. He had his head tilted with judgmental eyes.

“What?” You asked. He only gave you a snort with eyes that said “don’t act like you don’t know.”

“I’m not falling for blondie. It’s just fun to flirt.” You said, trying to reassure both Rumor and yourself. Rumor let out wails like he was talking to you saying “mhmmm.”

“What? It’s true! We have a mission Rumor.” You said as you layed down under the covers.

Flashback

As Kurogiri busted through the door to the LOV’s hideout, he shouted.

“SHIGARAKI!” He yelled out of breath.

The villains looked around at the man. Why was he out of breath? Where had he been? Why wasn’t Y/N with him?

“What’s going on?” Dabi asked the steam of purple.

“I-it’s Y/N! Earser-Head took her!” Kurogiri said.

“WHAT?!” In came shigaraki, now yelling in shock. “How dare you lose that girl?! Do you understand how valuable AND dangerous she is? She is with the heroes now, they’ll tell her everything about us, and she’ll grow an opinion. She’ll kill all of us.” He seethed out as he held Kurogiri by his neck collar.

“I understand! But- but look!” Kurogiri said holding up your earring you threw at him. “She left behind this!” Once seeing the piece of jewelry, Skigaraki calmed down. He took the gem in his hands.

“Smart girl...this is a communication device. I gave these to Y/N if trouble were to ever happen so she could contact us without the call being tracked,” he explained. “Y/N! ..Titania!...Y/N? Can you hear me?!” He screamed into the earring.

“.........Loud and clear Shigaraki,” Y/N’s voice was heard from the gem and everyone looked alive. They all settled and began to ask her questions.

“Y/N, what the hell is going on?” Dabi asked.

“Eraser-Head took me. He brought me to UA and they’re keeping me in an interrogation room. He said he sees good in me and wants me to enroll here.” You explained.

“UA...” Shigaraki echoed.

“That’s right. And I have a plan. We’ll take em down from the inside.” You offered your idea.

“Explain.” Shigaraki said.

“You have me. I’ll gather intel. All the places where UA will be traveling to, all their plans, all their strengths and weaknesses. I can tell you it all and you guys can come up with a plan on how to attack. My suggestion would be that you should attack them when traveling. Do it subtly. I’ll tell you their future plans and you’ll come up with loopholes. I’ll report their strengths and weaknesses and when you’re ready, we do a full scale attack on the school. Bring as many villains as we can to help and win.” When you were done explaining, the villains shared a look. Except Shigaraki. He was 100% in on this plan.

“I expect a report every day. Tell us whatever happened, whatever you learned or found out. You tell us everything.” Shigaraki said.

“Understood.” You replied.

“Good.”

Present Time

You sighed at the memory. Rumor noticed your displeasure and came up beside you on the bed. He cuddled into you side to help you calm down. You pet his head as you turned to lean into his soft fur.

“...we can’t get distracted. No boys, no luxury, no hero life, no UA life. We’re villains...that’s all we’re good enough to be.” You said to remind yourself. As you shut your eyes and drifted off to dreamland, Rumor looked at you and sighed.

‘She deserves UA though. She deserves a happy life. She’s more than good enough.’ Rumor thought.

Bakugou’s POV

As Bakugou walked off to his room with a satisfied smile on his face, he thought back to what happened. It made him stop in his tracks in shock.

‘What the fuck is happening to me?’ Bakugou thought. Since when does he act all flirty? And when did he start blushing? And why does his heart speed up at the thought of Y/N? ‘Maybe I just need to sleep in off.’

As Bakugou walked into his room, he saw Kaminari and Kirishima mocking him.

“Mwuah, Mwuah, Mwuah, oh Y/N, I love you so much,” Kirishima said pretending to hold a girl in his arms and kissed the air.

“Oh, I love Princess so much! Mwuah!” Kaminari mimicked. Bakugou only growled at the two and blushed in embarrassment.

“What the hell are you two idiots doing here?” Bakugou asked.

“Well we came to hang but then we got hungry while waiting for you and searched for snacks but we saw you and Y/N going in for a kiss~” Kaminari said wiggling his brows.

“And then we saw Mr. Aizawa hit you with adoption papers and then kicked you guys out the kitchen. We also saw you run to Y/N and peck her cheek~” Kirishima added on. “You crushing on the new girl?”

“Am not.” Bakugou replied.

“Are too.” Kaminari said. “Makes sense. She’s crazy hot, super powerful, and full of personality. She’s pretty freaking awesome.”

“Yeah c’mon man, we’re friends and we won’t tell if you do like her.” Kirishima reassured.

“I don’t like her, shitty hair.” Bakugou stated. “I mean, yeah. She’s beautiful, and she’s funny, and she’s really strong. And she’s also really cool and really chill and my heart beats like crazy and my mind goes dumb when I’m around her. But that doesn’t mean I like her!”

The two boys just looked at the blonde with a brow raised.

“Seriously?” They both said.

“GAH!” Bakugou screamed as he flopped face forward on his bed coming to the realization. “Fine! Maybe I do like her BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE, but that doesn’t mean I LIKE like her. Besides, shes only been here for 2 days, how the hell am I supposed to fall for someone that quick?”

“Love at first sight is a real thing if you believe it is.” Kaminari said. Bakugou thought about it. Maybe it was. But there was no way. She didn’t know anything about him and yeah she opened up to Bakugou about her past but that doesn’t mean she’s in love with him.

“......look. I don’t know exactly how I feel about Y/N. All I know is, I get excited whenever she’s around or when I know I’ll get to see her. I can’t be sure of my feelings....yet.” Bakugou admitted.

“Well you should figure it out, man. She could be good for you. I mean, shes only been here for a few days but just in those two days she’s made you a more open person. You woulda never admitted all this to us before.” Kirishima said. At that realization that he said too much, Bakugou got up and pushed his friends out his room door before he could spill any more.

“Okay! Great! Gotta sleep! Goodnight! See you later idiots.” Bakugou said and slammed the door. He flopped back on his bed, going back to thinking about Y/N. And there goes his heart again with that fast beating.

——————————————————————————

Y/N woke up, got ready, and was about to walk out the door. Her and Rumor were getting ready for some training so Y/N put on some comfortable work out clothes. As the two were about to walk out the doors with their bags, they ran into the Bakusquad boys in the common room.

“Hey Y/N!” Kaminari greeted you.

“Oh hey guys!” You said walking towards the group. Bakugou had his eyes fixated on you. Do you always look this good in the mornings?

“Where you headed?” Sero asked.

“Rumor and I were gonna get some training in at our special spot in the forest. Didn’t really get to do much yesterday so I’m making up for it today.” You explained.

“Hey, training sounds pretty good,” Kirishima said and the guys all agreed. “Mind if we joined you?”

“Uhh..I don’t know guys. The place I train is kinda far and I usually have to ride on Rumor to get there.” You said.

“Ohh c’mon, please! We’re down for the ride and we’d love to see you in action.” Kaminari begged. Bakugou decided to influence your decision.

“C’mon princess,” he said while looking you right in your eyes. The group all smiled and raised a brow at Bakugou’s behaviour, but you two didn’t notice, for you were too lost in each other’s presence that you didn’t even realize what you said.

“Sure...” you said still dazed with Bakugou, but once you heard yourself you snapped out of it. “Wait- Wha-“ you were interrupted by the cheers of rowdy boys as they all left to get their stuff ready. Bakugou was the last to leave.

“Thanks for letting us join, princess.” He said pecking your cheek and walking off. Curse those damn ruby eyes! You smacked your face the tiniest bit to fight off the rising blush as Rumor just gave you a look of sass.

“Oh hush, now you gotta carry 5 people. Hope you’re happy.” You said sitting next to Rumor on the couch. About 10 minutes went by before all the boys came back and were set to go. You guys walked to the front entrance of the dormitory and paused.

“Okay. A few rules before we get there. The spot is a special place to me. It’s where I can explore myself and my abilities a lot more and it’s the place where I found Rumor. It’s a treasure and a memory to me so don’t you dare destroy it too much!” You said with a stern voice and serious look. The boys nodded their heads in understanding.

“Good. Rumor, flying bison form.” As rumor shifted into a giant creature, you went to the side of the building where you had his saddle waiting. You used your air bending to place it onto Rumor’s back as you attached a rope to his horns for steering. You told the boys to get on, but they seemed a little hesitant.

“What? You’ll be fine, just get on.” As the boys trusted your words, they climbed onto Rumor and settled in the saddle. On your mark, Rumor took off into the skies as the boys screamed in fear in the back.

“We’re gonna die!!!” Kaminari cried as he held onto Sero. The boys freaked out until you reassured them.

“You’re not gonna die you idiots! Jeez, it’s too early for all this.” You said as you continued to handle Rumor’s reigns. After about 10 minutes of flying, you trusted that Rumor knew where to go from there and went to the back of the saddle where the boys were.

“First time flying on a bison?” You jokingly asked.

“More like first time ever doing any of this.” Kirishima said. “Man, do you get to travel like this all the time?”

“Pretty much. Theres so many forms that Rumor has, so it’s always fun seeing the reactions I get whenever they see me riding a dragon or something.” You laughed out, causing Bakugou to blush at the beautiful sound.

“Man, I could get used to this.” Sero said as he let the breeze flow through his hair. You giggled before speaking.

“Yeah, well sorry to disappoint, but rides over. We’re here.” You said looking over the saddle and seeing the forest spot. The boys finally saw the beautiful trees, the crystal waters, the beautiful plants and giant plateaus of boulders and rocks creating something straight outta Lion King. You landed in a clearing and hopped off Rumor, encouraging the boys to do the same. Rumor transformed back into his usual form and walked towards you all.

“So! Y/N, what do you usually do when you get here?” Kirishima asked.

“I usually stand on the spiritual clearing over there,” you said and pointed to an opening where there was a circular stone platform in the ground engraved with some ancient characters.

“Spiritual clearing? It looks like pavement.” Kaminari said, earning a wack to the head from Bakugou and Sero. You just sighed and sat crossed on the area and called upon your mentor.

“Avatar Korra....” you called out, and then, it appeared as if a ghost came out of you and right infront of you stood your mentor. The boys shook in fear.

“A ghost?” Sero shakenly asked.

“No, my mentor. She’s a spirit...a good one.” You said as you stood and bowed to Korra.

“So what are we working on today, Y/N?” Korra asked you.

“Well, I want to perfect my water bending. Specifically, my healing. I used my dim mak on a friend in school and I couldn’t heal his arm from the paralysis so I want to work on fixing that.” You said. Korra nodded and took you to the watering hole.

“You boys can get on with your training,” you said to the guys as they appeared to be standing still.

“Actually, we just came to watch you and see what kinda stuff you can do,” Kaminari confessed. You laughed and shook your head as you used your hand to call the boys over so they could watch.

“Well then how about we get a volunteer?” Korra said as she looked to the 4 future pros. Bakugou stood up and joined you in the watering hole.

“You have no idea what you’ve just done,” you laughed out as Bakugou stood there confused. “Sorry about this,”

“What do you me-“ you cut him off by jabbing his pressure points and having him fall paralyzed into the shallow water. As he layed there with his upper side of his body out of the water he spoke.

“Coulda gave me a warning, ya know.” He said in a grouchy demeanor. You just looked towards your mentor for guidance.

“Let’s begin..” Korra said. As you trained the boys watched in excitement and awe. They’ve never seen anyone with a “quirk” like yours and never saw someone with your fighting style. Once you finished up with Bakugou, Korra walked you through the other elements. The boys saw your many skills and were thoroughly impressed. As the day went on, you finally settled for the amount of time spent.

“Thank you for the help today Korra,” you said and bowed to her in gratitude.

“It’s my job to help you, Y/N. Please don’t thank me. Besides, I enjoy working with you. I know you’ll always choose the best path to go on and I’m excited to see where you’ll end up.” Korra said with much meaning to her last few sentences. You understood what she meant. She disappeared into thin air as she returned to the spirit world. You sighed as you felt relief she was no longer there pressuring you into becoming the hero you can’t be. You turned to the boys.

“So...you guys ready to head back?”

——————————————————————————

On the ride home, the boys all hung around the back while you sat near Rumor’s horns in silence. Your mind wandering to your choices. Light or dark. You’ve always been in the dark though. It was the life you’ve always known. Granted, you didn’t like it, but you’ve already done so many horrible things, there was no way being good was even an option right now

‘Shigaraki..Korra..Kurogiri..Aizawa..Dabi.....Bakugou’ you thought of all the impactful people in your life..but Bakugou? You barely knew him, but you knew in your heart, he definitely meant something to you. To snap you outta your thoughts was the man himself. Bakugou had gone to join you up front.

“Hey” he said.

“..hey back.” You replied.

“Soo..Whats up with you?” He asked.

“Umm...not much. Just..seeing my mentor..makes me think about..a lot.” You explained to him as you looked at the sky.

“A lot like...” he pressed you for details.

“Like....sentimental stuff. What kind of person I wanna be, what I wanna do with my life..choosing paths.” You briefly explained. You couldnt let him know too much, no matter how bad your body yearned to tell him the truth.

“Well...I could predict most of that stuff for you.” Bakugou said, relaxing his shoulders.

“What do you mean?” You asked him.

“I see a lot of great things for you, princess. You’re an amazing person already, and when you grow up you’re gonna be an amazing hero too. Kicking evil’s ass and all that.” He explained. But you only felt sorry. He didn’t know you at all. At least, not the real you. This fact only saddened you.

“I wish..” you whispered. You only fell deeper into sadness, and noticing this, Bakugou did the unexpected. He grabbed you and held you in his arms.

“You’re amazing, Y/N. Never forget that.” He said calmly, like he was 100% sure. You released silent tears and let the wind dry them. Along the journey home, the scent of caramel invaded your senses. It soothed you and brought you to a land of happiness. You cuddled into Bakugou a little more as a blush grew on both of your faces. You both agreed on one thing though. This felt so right.

As you landed, the boys in the back headed inside after thanking you for the trip. Rumor changed back and you and Bakugou moved his saddle back to its place beside the building. As you and Bakugou continued to walk, he started up a conversation.

“You know, you’re pretty strong but I could still take you down easily, Princess.” He said with a cocky attitude.

“Oh? Is that fact? Cuz I’d bet You’d get your ass handed to you by moi,” you said.

“Really? How about a little competition?” He wagered.

“I’m listening,” you said.

“We have a little sparring match, if you win you get whatever you want, if I win..i don’t know, maybe..you’ll let me take you out on a date?” He asked hesitantly. This shocked you, but you smirked nonetheless.

“Is this you’re way of trying to ask me out?” You teased.

“Sort of..” he said nervously. This was his first time asking anybody out and his first crush too.

“Well then why don’t we skip the fight and I’ll let you take me out next Saturday? Deal?” You asked.

“That’s perfectly fine by me,” he said excitedly. Bakugou began to ramble on about something else but you got distracted. As you looked over his shoulder, you saw Principle Nezu holding on to some documents and trying to hide them. He seemed alert as he made his way to what appeared to be Mr. aizawa’s room.

“Umm, I’ll talk to you later Baku- Katsuki! I’ve gotta go.” You said as you walked off to find Nezu, leaving Bakugou in confusion as Rumor followed you into the dorms.

Running through the hallways was getting you nowhere. So you asked Rumor to track his scent. Finally catching up to Nezu, you saw him enter Aizawa’s room and you saw the door shut. You pressed your ear to it, trying to make out whatever conversation they were having, but you couldn’t hear anything. You did however hear them walking closer to the door, and so you and Rumor hid around the corner. You saw both Nezu and Aizawa walk out and so you took the opportunity to scope the scene. You walked into the room and saw the files on the desk. As you read through them, you saw it was trip to what seemed to be some sort of battle competition. As you read through the papers, you saw it was exactly that. Hero schools would travel to one designated area and start the race. Along the path you would run into other schools and battle. Winner earns their school 12 grand and the participating students get a week off.

To anyone else, this would seem like a good time, to you, this was an opportunity. You took photos of the papers and ran off with Rumor to your room. In the privacy of your dorm, you sent the photos to the league and contacted them through the earring.

“Hello? Shigaraki? Dabi?” You said into the earring.

“Right here, Titania.” It was Dabi’s voice. “Whatcha need?”

“I’ve got intel you and the league might wanna hear~” you said with a playful voice, however at the same time, you felt uneasy.

“Go on,” he said.

You hesitated before speaking, but went on anyway. “In 3 days, UA will be sending class 1-A and 1-B to this competition where they’ll battle other schools. It’s in a forest area where a race will be held. It’s the perfect place for the league to attack. Come and weaken their forces.”

“Sounds like a plan, little mouse. Good work.” He said into the jewelry.

“I’ll send you my coordinates the day we go. See you soon.” You said and turned off the device. You couldn’t help but feel guilty about this whole thing. Why?

“Hey Y/N? You in there?” Bakugou said from the other side of the door while knocking. Oh yeah, that’s why. Somehow, that loveable blondie made a footprint on you and now you can’t get him off your mind. After what he said about you being so amazing, you couldn’t fight back that fuzzy feeling you got whenever you thought of him or whenever he was around. You got up to answer the door.

“Hey! Katsuki! What are, uh, what are you doing here?” You asked.

“Uhh..I don’t know. Had some free time, thought I’d come hang with you and Rumor.” He said with a shy smile. A smile you’ve learned to love. You looked at the time. 1:44. You figured you could use a break day.

“How about this? Come inside and let me get ready, and we could spend the day together.” You offered. You were under a lot of stress with these conflicted feelings of light and dark and Katsuki felt like a break from it all. He was your little escape haven from the chaos.

“Heh, I thought our date was next Saturday,” he teased as he walked through your door.

“Well, our first official date. This can be more like us hanging out.” You said.

“Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do on a date?” He asked.

“I- oh shut up! You know what I mean!” You said in a flustered manner. Katsuki only laughed at your behavior and called you a little dumbass. You went to your wardrobe and asked for a little help.

“Wanna help me pick out an outfit?” You asked and Bakugou nodded and walked your way. He noticed how your closet pretty much screamed “Instagram baddie” and was impressed. He looked around and finally made his decision.

“The letterman black and white jacket, leave it open to show off the white tube top. Put that on with those light washed skinny jeans and put on these casual black heels.” He said as he dropped them all on you. The way he threw them all messed with your hair and so you huffed the piece covering your face out of your way.

“They’re called Heeled Ankle Boots.” You corrected him.

“Yeah yeah, go get dressed,” he said pushing you towards your bathroom.

“Oh? You sure you don’t want me to get dressed right here?” You teased, causing Bakugou to blush intensely. “I’m kidding.” You said before walking into the room, finally allowing Katsuki to breathe.

When you came out the bathroom, you looked at yourself in the mirror.

“Huh..not bad, Katsuki.” You said, admiring yourself. Bakugou was too busy staring at you, but he finally snapped out of it when he heard you say his name with that sweet voice.

“Erm, heh, yeah. My parents are designers so I guess it’s just a natural thing.” He said.

“Yeah? Maybe I’ll have to try on their clothes and maybe model for them,” you joked.

“You’ve definitely got the looks for it,” Bakugou said biting his lip. He was being so serious. You turned and looked at him with a sincere smile.

“Ummm..you ready to go?” You asked a little nervous.

“Yeah, c’mon.” He said dragging you to the front. Rumor follow you.

“Oh, stop it Rumor. You can hang here for a bit by yourself can’t you? Besides, the dorm is filled with plenty of people for you to spend time with.” You said petting his head, but you knew he wanted to go just to make sure you were okay. “If I need you, I’ll blow the whistle and call for you, okay?” You said to reassure him. He finally allowed you to go with Bakugou.

Katsuki took you to a nice cafe just to hang out. You talked, ate, joked around, and all and all just grew closer. Something about him just made you feel safe. The way he would look at you, give you that charming smile, and that time when he held you in his arms made you feel all warm inside.

“Hey dumbass. You’re staring.” Bakugou said.

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

“Hmph!” You grunted as you used your water bending to take his drink out of his cup and lift it over his head.

“Give it back Y/N,” he said. You messed with him though, and you glided his drink all around him.

“Oh, c’mon! Have a little fun and enjoy the magic show.” You playfully said. You had enough and placed his drink back in his cup. You both laughed and talked a little more before getting up to walk around town.

“Hey, Katsuki look! A festival!” You said as you ran to it leaving Bakugou to chase after you. You both enjoyed the booths and snacked on the street food venues. You played games and won each other prizes. You know, the cliche? As you both walked around some more, you saw something that reminded you of your time on the streets.

“Woah, look at that!” You pointed to a group sitting around a man sitting at a table.

“What is that?” Bakugou asked.

“It’s a quick way to earn money. This guy has 3 shells and a stone. He moves the stone around with the shells and you just have to guess which shell the stone is under. I never played growing up because I had nothing to offer, but now I do and this time I can use my ‘quirk’ to sense where the stone is!” You excitedly said.

“How can your quirk do that?” He questioned you.

“Ummm....” you were looking for an answer until fortunately a man lost the game and screamed out in pity and anger. “Oh look! It’s open! Let’s go!” You said dragging Bakugou to the stand.

“Well, hello there kids! Here to play?” The man asked.

“Yes sir! And I can offer you $20!” You said. A pretty decent deal. The man agreed and put up his own 20 and began to shuffle the shells. Using your earth bending, you felt where the stone was going and when he stopped the shuffling, you pointed to the correct shell.

“Thats some fancy guessing you got there young lady. How about you say we make this more interesting?” He offered.

“More interesting how?” You asked.

“More interesting like you throw in your friend’s fancy chain and I’ll bargain with $100, and thats more interesting.” He explained.

You snatched Bakugou’s chain and spoke. “I’ll do it for $300” you said. The man agreed, foolishly thinking he’d win. As he began to shuffle again, you sensed the stone and at the end of his little show, he attempted to flick the stone into his sleeve and keep it there. To stop this from happening, you used your earth bending to pull the stone from going into his sleeve and kept it under the shell. You made your pick.

“Sorry young Lady but- WHAT?” The man was shock to see the stone placed under one of the shells, more so, the correct shell.

“I won!” You said and grabbed the money and Bakugou’s chain as you both ran off. You laughed as Bakugou only scolded you.

“Y/N! You can’t just scam the guy like that!” He said.

“Oh lighten up Katsuki! Jeez, you always have a stick up your ass?” You joked. “Besides, it’s not like I did anything wrong. I only cheated because he was cheating too. I cheated a cheater,” you said explaining your logic. It kind of made sense to Bakugou so he sighed and went along with it.

“I guess you’re right,” he gave in.

“Of course I am,” you said flashing him the smile he craved to see, “now let’s go! There’s a firework show starting soon and I know the perfect spot!”

You dragged Bakugou to a place a little far from the center of town. When you arrived, you showed him a billboard sign. You guys had already been out for awhile and last time you checked the time in town it was 6:30, now after the walk it was 7:00.

“Ta-da!” You said while giving jazz hands to the tall sign. Bakugou just looked up in confusion.

“What am I looking at?”

“A billboard dummy! It’ll give us a great view of the fireworks! All we have to do is get up there, now c’mon!” You said but Bakugou pulled you back.

“We can’t go up there! It’s illegal,” he said but you only rolled your eyes.

“And do you see how stupid that is? What’s the worst that could happen from us going up there and why would they need to enforce that kinda law anyway?” You said.

“To stop people from vandalizing property.” Bakugou explained to you.

“Well do we look like the type to vandalize?” You said.

“Well no, but-“

“But nothing! We’ll be fine Katsuki! I promise. You’ll enjoy the view.” You pleaded. Bakugou still wasn’t fully convinced so you pressed up against him while hugging his arm. “Pleaseeee Katsuki?” You begged which finally made him give in.

He slightly smiled at you before telling you to hold onto his neck.

“For what?” You asked.

“Just trust me,” and so you did. When you were secure, he blasted you both into the sky and landed on top of the sign. It was dark and a little cold, so you shivered and Bakugou noticed. He held you in his arms to keep you warm and it worked well. A comfortable silence fell upon you two as you just enjoyed each other’s warmth.

“I’m really glad you came to UA.” Bakugou said in a gruff voice. You smiled up at him.

“Oh yeah? Why?” You asked.

“Cuz... I got to meet your dumbass. You’re beautiful, you’re strong...you’re amazing....and I really like you.” He said while looking down at you.

“Heh...I uh, I really like you too.” You said. You both began to lean in and here came that feeling again. No one else in the world but you two. As your lips grazed each other, you both jumped at the sound of the firework’s loud sound. You laughed it off and stared at the pretty colors that illuminated the dark sky. Each one allowing your smile to grow even more. Bakugou, kind of bummed out on having another kiss ruined, admired you and your beauty. He smiled as he saw your pearly whites and he just held you closer as you looked up in awe. This was a good enough night for him.

You ended up using the whistle to call for Rumor to help you guys get back to the dorms quickly. Rumor was just happy to be of service. When you landed, you and Bakugou walked hand in hand through the dorms. As you entered the common room, the Bakusquad set their eyes upon you two.

“Oouuuuu~” they all said noticing the connected hands and bashful faces. Bakugou simply told them to shut up as he dragged you to the floor your dorm rooms were on.

“Thanks for the fun night, Katsuki.” You said to him in your doorway.

“No problem. Kinda wish my kiss didn’t get disrupted for the second time this week but I still had a great night with you, princess.” You laughed at his little complaint. You went up and pecked his cheek, just like he would do to you.

“Goodnight, Cutie” you said and shut your door. Bakugou sighed as he smiled, listening to his heart beat wildly. He walked on to his dorm room to get ready for the night. School was tomorrow and he had a grandpa schedule to follow.

——————————————————————————

Behind the closed door, you sighed in bliss. You felt your heart go crazy at the thought of your little crush. Your crush. Crush. Damnit, that bastard had you wrapped around his finger. Under different circumstances, you wouldn’t have minded, but your with the league of villains. Bakugou is a future pro, you’re a low life villain. There’s no way he would fall for you when he found out the truth. You felt a little hurt at that fact, but you understood. It had to be this way. Awakening you from your thoughts was Dabi’s voice coming from the communication device.

“I’m here, Dabi. What is it?” You questioned.

“Don’t think I didnt see your little scene with whats his face on the billboard. Are you falling for UA’s resident hot head?” Dabi asked.

“What were you doing out in the forest?” You asked in shock. The league was not supposed to find out about this little..whatever you had with Bakugou!

“I was out on a walk, now answer my question. Do you like the little hero wannabe?” Dabi pressed on. You had to think. Did you like Bakugou? You knew you felt something towards him but you were still trying to figure out exactly what it was. If it was love you would openly admit it, but you were just in like with the guy, you weren’t sure of your feelings yet or even if you would dare pursue them.

“....n-no.” You replied. You felt in your heart and mind that you just lied to yourself. It hurt you a little too much by just saying that.

“Good. Because you’re a villain. Bakugou Katsuki has a whole future ahead of him. He wouldn’t want a villain scum like you hanging around.” He said and ended the call.

You let silent tears fall down your face as you placed the earring down and fell onto your bed. You were just villain scum. Underserving of anything good. You weren’t anything good at all. Your path was darkness. You were sure! But Bakugou Katsuki made you second guess yourself on that choice. Could you be good? Could you follow him to the light?

Unsure, you got ready for bed and decided to sleep this off. Once this whole operation was over, Bakugou would be out of your life and you wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore. But could you really stand to be around without him with you? You’ve only known the guy for a few days, and you’re this attached to him. You sighed to yourself as Rumor fell asleep.

“This is gonna be hell.”

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morathicain · 3 years ago

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mora? usually the preview is what saves my ass but this one? the whole ending just threw me a bit cuz they’ve stayed together through hardships before but? and it looks like another time skip too.. i can’t even imagine them breaking up though. like i even thought that maybe this is part of a plan(?) or something but that’s def the denial talking lmaoo. that preview really just made my mind go ??? and then complete brain silence. no thoughts in the inn, just air.

honestly tho i thought we’d see the parents being worried about pat & pran going missing and possibly even them starting to reevaluate themselves. like they both just had a huge fight/confrontation w their kids, and then their kids straight up went *missing* for *days*. but we didn’t see the parents this ep, and from the preview it doesn’t seem like they did any reevaluating at all so there’s that. i know they still have serious unresolved issues & i understand pran’s mom not forgiving pat’s dad for his bs, but it’s just incredibly frustrating to think that they still can’t see how much they’re hurting their kids.

i loved this ep though, like there were so many special moments between pran and pat. the way they look at each other!! i’ll never get over it, i swear my heart was bursting. and just the small things, like pran’s soft voice at the end of [1/4], after pat’s “you’re always in my head” line. and their usual cute bickering. and the look pran gets whenever he sees/plays guitar. and the way pat looks at pran whenever he plays. also the way they talk w each other. the amount of times i’ve rewatched both their conversation on the rocks and the one in [4/4] when pran’s helping pat w his shirt.. they’re both heart-wrenching in their own ways.. and there’s just something about the way ohm and nanon deliver their lines.. their tone of voice and their eyes and just everything. i really love it.

i’m excited for next week but also sad since it’s already gonna be the last ep😭. i hope you enjoyed this ep and you were able to survive it ok~~ hope you have a good day/night<3 -🥞

Pancake, hey!!

If I survived it? I am not yet sure tbh XD I enjoyed it a lot with all those soft and amazing moments between them and the build up to the end and the heartbreaking realisation of what was happening. Which is also the reason why I haven’t really been able to rewatch it even tho I wanted to. But let me go through your message in some kind of order ^^°

So, the teaser? It looks heartbreaking, absolutely. But remember, it’s a teaser for a reason and that’s not to paint an accurate picture of next episode. I can imagine them doing a time jump and I actually don’t mind, if it’s done well, but regarding when and how long, I leave it open for next episode to prove ^^°

My guess is actually, that they decided on the break up already before they went home. Because they aren’t ready yet to break with their families and their families aren’t ready to confront the things they did (they might slowly do that now and I hope so - but right now? they’re too deep in the pain and too sure that they’re right and the other wrong). So what’s left? Two 20 year olds running away with no money, only depending on each other and their love? While they miss their homes and friends? It’s difficult for adults to break off their contact with their family, but for 20 year olds who still love their parents and siblings? They can’t leave them, not while still being so dependent on them. But they can’t stay together bc they’re already exhausted from all the fighting, from constantly fighting for every step on their way and it wouldn’t stop. So, imo, they decided to put a break to this. I don’t think they mean to break up forever, just put a pause to this and see where it takes them. They’re so young and things change a lot and while they bring each other happiness, this can’t be the whole basis for their lives. And especially Pran is still so attached to his parents that it would make him miserable on the long ride. But he tries it, tries to make Pat happy and hopes it will be enough, but it isn’t. And that’s heartbreaking but in character. So, yeah. I do hope we’ll see not just misery next episode but also some growth on all parts and a lot of hope (let’s remember how he did something similar with atots and hctm ended with a happy ending despite Singto being a ghost!). In the end, all side characters are there to bring Pat and Pran forward, so I’m not sure how much growth their parents will manage or if it’s mostly that they will outgrow their parents.

Ok, that was a lot of ranting for two points: 1) the break up happens when they go home and it’s done mutually (which makes me emotional but also happy bc it wasn’t just one of them but they chose their next steps together as a team and that shows a lot of growth and a healthy relationship) 2) I have hope for next episode, especially bc teasers are always also a trap!

Also omg yessss! Those scenes with both of them were so heartwrenching and GOOD! The honest conversation on the rocks, Pat always challenging Pran to make him feel safe or protect him. The whole damn scene in BED! It felt so down to earth and real and good and just Them, I actually cried q.q

Definitely also excited about next week! Can’t wait to see how they’ll continue and what’s gonna happen *_* Also: growth! I want to see them choose each other as adults again. To show that it’s not only some phase (which their parents obviously hope for) in their youth, but something constant as well.

As @soyellowcurtainsthen said, it still follows the romeo and juliet story. At this point, both killed themselves and it finally made the parents rethink. Pat and Pran breaking up like that for their families is this kind of sacrifice (aka death) to reset the situation and start anew.

Buuuuuuut, we don’t know and despite the fact that I now ranted so much, it’s still the best to wait and see and trust.

With all the exhaustion of those past years, their decision does make sense to me, bc they can’t forever live in their little bubble. But I wish for them to find their happiness again and be able to grab it and hold on to it this time.

Thank you for coming to me to scream again <3 looking forward to next week and I hope you’ll get through the emotional hangover well! Take care and all the best! =^^=

#ask #pancake #bad buddy #personal opinion #those are all theories and the way I'm seeing it

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yjwhatif · 3 years ago

Text

FROM THREE TO FOUR…

I wanna start this by saying I’m not someone who hated season 3 - I enjoyed it. It was my first experience watching the show live since I discovered it well after it got cancelled and I’m pretty sure S3 was already green lit to happen when I finished S2. It also pulled me into the fandom world and tumblr - which I am very much grateful for. So a lot of positives came from it… also how can I hate something that spark my unexpected love for a character I never thought we’d see again let alone get actual development for — my dear, dear Eduardo… I love him and it’s all season 3’s fault - literally the one (and only) problem I’m having with s4 is the fact that ED HASN’T TURNED UP YET AND I MISS HIM!!! 🥺Anyway…

While I won’t hate on it - I do acknowledge it had serious problems with a number of elements and with the progress of season 4 - more of those problems come to light in a much clearer way. When the second half of S3 was airing I was actually watching from week to week, after having alway being able to binge watch, this has an effect on the viewing experience. Part of me always wonders if 3A only felt stronger and less problematic because I didn’t have to wait for each episode, also those eps were released 3 at a time to match the structuring of the story arcs - which helps with the sense of pacing. I don’t think the switch from 3 eps a week to 1 was a very good idea (likely not a decision controlled by Greg and Brandon), the episode were fine in the moment, but then you finished and kinda felt like not much had happened - at least I did anyway and I stilling remember that feeling whenever I’m rewatching it now. In pacing terms I think two a week would have felt more substantial for 3b with how it was structured story wise - there would have been enough content without it feeling too little - but still leave you wanting more. The release scheduled for s4 is working a lot better and proves that 1 a week can actually work - something I think is helped by know we’re having 4 episoded character focused arcs. When each episode ends it leaves the mind buzzing with what might happen next but keeps you anchored down within the specific arc. You don’t have the disappointment of spending a week expecting to carry on exploring a certain group or plot but actually getting an episode about something/one entirely different - that works when binging as a whole but not so much on a week to week basis. I’m having no problems this time with the release schedule and am very much with Greg when he says it’s nice to able to sit with an episode for a week over binging it all at once. You can binge it whilst waiting for s5. 🤞

One of the next common problems with S3 was the violence. For me, though I do prefer action/danger explored in a less gory way, I don’t recall ever having much of a reaction to the violence when I originally watched it. However, hearing others talk about it and seeing it more - I absolutely understand the problems with it. Just because you can show as much blood and gore as you want - doesn’t mean you have too or should. A lesson they have seemingly learned with s4. Yes we still have blood and violence - but it is much more fitting for the moment - instead of violence for violence sake. There’s a sense to it, while in S3 you are left thinking - was there maybe another way to portray that. It’s also more spread out at the minute compared to everything always happening to Violet. The imbalance of s3’s violence made the moments where others actually did get hurt forgettable because they were diluted by Violet’s always getting hurt - which takes away the impact these moments should elicit. But thankfully the scales have been reset with s4 and things seem to be going well… for now. I remember a comment I had on the trailer was that there seemed to be a lot of blood present in a number of the shots, part of me was wary of how the circumstances leading to that blood would be portrayed, though, now we’ve seen those moments I am completely satisfied with what they did. The image of that guard essentially turned inside out by Child in the jewellery shop was horrifying yet beautiful all at the same time - it was art - and says so much about Child without even needing to show us the event or her reaction to it. You can just imagine it and understand how much of a threat she is going to be - I am both really excited and absolutely terrified of the trouble she is going to cause. #prayforklarion

Ok so this may be a weird one that only bothered me and might not even make sense - but I’m gonna say it anyway. It’s when they had characters front and centre in scenes but not speaking - it always annoyed me and I still don’t fully understand why. Obviously, because this is animation there are two separate elements that make the physical characters we see - voice and visuals - each of which come with their own costs, so naturally creative decisions have to be made to portray the story in a cost effective way. All of which I have no problem with. The problem I have is that for some reason in season 3 specifically it was really noticeable in a way it shouldn’t have been. Whenever a character wouldn’t speak it always came across as a money decision rather that a character decision which would take me out of the moment… A couple examples are - Tim Drake obviously, it’s kinda become a joke now that Tim never has any lines - which kinda sucks because I think he is a really interesting character. This still hasn’t changed in s4 since he’s had two appearances now and not uttered a sound. Y’know, i don’t think he’s spoken since his “anti-light” comment when Wonder Woman snapped at him - I think Diana left a lasting affect. Tim deserves to speak - I really want to know what’s going inside his head - especially with everything he went through in s3. Then there’s Brion who had it a few times, the dude never shuts up - whether that’s complaining, bragging, moaning, mocking - he always has something to say. So when he’s on that Klarion mission in Cuba and is completely silent, I can’t help but think it’s a little out of character. A similar thing can be said for Bart in that same episode - though an argument could be made that grieving Joan put him in a quiet mood - but we know from Ed that he, Bart and Jaime had be chatting after the funeral - so clearly he wasn’t in that much of a quiet mood. Also he just found out his boyfriend - I mean - Ed is joining the Outsiders and he’s got nothing to say about that - no congratulations - no crash - no nothing. I don’t buy it because it doesn’t fit the characters personality which takes me out of the world I’m watching. Though of course, there are times it does work - like Tim’s leaving Cassie in s3e1 - that worked really well. Also Violet and Vic in s3e26, actually wasn’t too noticeable either - despite their having been pretty important characters throughout the season. I don’t mind them having characters not speak - they’ve done it in the other seasons and it’s never bothered me - but sometimes it just doesn’t fit and that makes me aware I’m watching a show instead of experiencing a world. Anyway, I’m probably the only one bothered by this - so moving on to the s4 counterpoint…

Season 4 seems to have really found it’s footing again since the cancellation hiatus or maybe just got a bigger budget - because it really fixes the problem I had above by giving voices to minor characters. For example, in ep 9, that little bit with Andy (Mist) and Blue Devil talking about why she’s doing Gar’s chores - was so good and makes me happy every time I watch it. Andy has one line and in the one line we get a lot of insight on her - she’s kind and caring enough to tackle that disgusting fridge without argument, it was her choice not Gars request meaning she’s aware of the people around her, she’s seemingly living in the Premier building - if not, spends a lot of time there - to be on the chores rota, she’s settled in as a member of the group which shows a lot of growth since last we saw her in S3 - as well as giving us more information about Gar and introducing Blue Devil… Who actually seems to be a competent Den Mother for once - I love what we saw of him and I would like more please. Anyway, back to my point, by having these smaller characters moments the world feels so much bigger and lived in because our focus characters are interacting with other people and not just spouting out info to an unresponsive face. It feels so like season 2 again and I’m really enjoying that a lot. I want to feel immersed in the world and not aware that I’m watching a screen - because it highlights the skill of the writing/direction and makes for the best experience that leaves you wanting more.

And with that I’m gonna leave it there - a new overly long post about random things which live in my brain. Overall, season 3 had its problems - but it was a show retuning from a long hiatus for a new platform with a different age range and freedom to do things it wasn’t allowed to do before - there’s naturally gonna be a transition period as they regain their footing and find their stride again. Season 4 shows they’ve done that - all the previous problems seem to have been ironed out and fixed to create a much stronger season which still feels connected to its seasons 1&2 roots, whilst also having its own signature style. Let’s hope it continues…

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fordarkisthesuede · 4 years ago

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Hey! this will sound out of place probably but I randomly run into one of your asks where you said that Disney’s handling of the show could’ve been way better. I watched the show fairly new so I don't know if there was an event while the show was still airing but I really wonder why do you think like that. (I hope I don't come across as mean. English is not my first language so I'm not the best at expressing myself.)

This is probably very very late, but "Disney's handling of [Gravity Falls] could've been better" is very much related to their terrible scheduling system.

It started out with about 3 episodes a month. The first big gap in the airing was between the Summerween episode (S1x12) and Boss Mabel (S1x13) was 5 months, from October 5 to February 15. This was actually around the time I started watching, because people on here kept talking about it on here!

But a 5 month gap MID-SEASON is still unheard of for regular shows. It technically wasn't even the MIDDLE of the season! There's only 20 episodes! You'd normally produce a whole season of a show to air over the course of a year to have a steady amount of content and keeps eyeballs primed and ready, with a 4-6 week long break for the winter holidays.

From 1x13 - 1x17, new episodes were twice a month, so every other week. But 1x18, Land Before Swine, aired about 1.5 weeks after 1x17, and then Dreamscaperers another 2 weeks after that. You remember that cliffhanger, right???? The Shack is destroyed, Gideon's run amok, the twins were going to be sent home for SURE.... People on here were OBSESSING over Bill Cipher. EVERYTHING was Bill. Every meme, every newly-discovered hint, every theory, every fanart was Bill-Bill-Bill *Bill* *Bill!* *BILL!* BILL CI ~ THE TRIANGLE GUY!

And we had to wait 3 weeks until the season finale, Gideon Rises aired. Imagine having to WAIT FOR THAT DAMN CLIFFHANGER SEASON ENDING. THREE F*CKING WEEKS.

But maybe you're still like "that's not too bad, it's bi-monthly, right? Maybe a little fickle. Doesn't sound horrible." Oh, my sweet summer child. You don't know the worst of it.

Season 2 started a day over the 1 year mark since Gideon Rises, and kept up tradition of 1 new ep twice a month, with the usual winter gap...and then, 2015 happened:

The proof's in the wiki page. Imagine, you wait patiently for 2x11, Not What He Seems, and get THE BIGGEST PLOT TWIST EVER PREDICTED BY FANDOM, with everyone losing their SH*T over what happens next....only to wait for the new episode for 4 months.

And again, it's not a real mid-season break. It wasn't like the next episodes hadn't been made yet, either. And they kept up a rough twice-a-month airings (sometimes with a 2-week gap, and other's 3) until...

WEIRDMAGEDDON.

THE EPIC 3-PART FINALE. PINES FAMILY VERSUS BILL CIPHER. THE SERIES ENDING. A BIG MOMENT FOR THE SHOW, THE FANS, AND EVEN DISNEY XD,

got split up into another 4 month gap.

Imagine it. IMAGINE how you're all excited for the series ending, a little scared to see what happens, and sad to see it go. The first part is so exciting, so full of promise, so easily ready to marathon with the rest - it'll be like watching a movie premier!

But that horrible goddamn mouse only laughs in your face. "Ho Ho! A marathon? Not on my watch arms, buddy!"

You've seen Part 2. You know how great it was. The emotional reconciliation, Mabelland, the series callbacks, the build-up to the fight with Bill. Can you, with your streaming services and dvd/bluray sets and pirated material you can watch at the drop of a hat even FATHOM what it was like to have to wait 4. Damn. Months. for the series to end?

To this day, I don't know of a show that's given that kind of haphazard hate-boner of a schedule. (Except for maybe Wander Over Yonder, which only ran 2 seasons for 3 years until it was cancelled.)

I'm sure Disney has excused it away with the dying breaths of cable on the wind and the growing popularity of streaming services, but I want to take your anonymous shoulders gently in my hands and look you dead-on so I can tell you this, from the bottom of my heart:

Gravity Falls wouldn't have made it without it's very, very dedicated fanbase. I was there for every episode live-stream after 1x15 aired. I only started a tumblr to keep up with the fandom. We waited for a 2-season, 40-episode cartoon show to complete for 4 years, knowing that the likelihood we'd ever get a movie out of it later was <0.

I just don't think Disney gave 2 flipparoonies about their animating department, let alone this show. They didn't make much merchandise for Gravity Falls. The vast majority of it back then was fan-made, with the official stuff being sold strictly online. I was lucky to find a single t-shirt in a Hot Topic up until the first break of Season 2, and then they slowly started bringing out Waddles plushies, the POP Vinyls, and of course the physical copy of Journal 3 by the end of the series.

TLDR; Disney didn't really care about this show, man. :/

#gravity falls #ask #sorry for the very very very long wait #anon #I'm getting caught up in my tumblr asks #been a while since i used the desktop #in comparison Cartoon Network keeps great scheduling #just look at the air dates for Steven Universe S1!#Sure they had some gaps later on but it was NOTHING like the Gravity Falls Hiatus'#I've never forgotten #and never forgiven #hot belgian waffles was that a f*cked up schedule #I Survived the Gravity Falls Hiatus is a badge of honor ok #anonymous

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argumentl · 3 years ago

Text

The Freedom of Expression Ep 45 - Walking from Kishibojin, Haunted staircase.

00:00 J: Ah, this, this! Akamaru Bakery.

00:20 K: So, as to why we are here..it will be a mystery to everyone I think.

J: Haha

K: Joe just really wanted to eat this bread.

J: Thats right.

K: So, we came here.

J: Yes.

K: Akamaru Bakery.

J: Yep, Akamaru Bakery.

K: Where is this?

J: Its Zōshigaya. Well, Zōshigaya is just up there, but this place probably only locals know about. Its on Tsurumaki Street. This is a very small shopping street, but Akamaru Bakery is here. I found this place by chance before, and it was really good.

T: What did you get?

J: Kaoru?

K: Chicken Nanban

T: I got a hot dog.

J: I got this tuna and egg mix.

K: I wanted to get that, but I thought I shouldn't if you are getting it.

J: Haha, no, no, no, that makes me look bad.

K: Hahah.

J: This is ¥190, right?

T: Its cheap, isn't it?

J: It is cheap! Ok, lets stand and eat.

T: Yep.

J: Ok, lets go for it. Apologies to the locals, we are not trying to be rude. Its a food report. This kind of bakery is quite rare these days, isn't it? They're all like new, stylish ones now.

K: *eats* Mm.

J: *eats* Mm, tastes good.

K: Yeah, its good.

J: The bread is really soft too.

T: Yeah.

J: I didn't eat before this.

K: If this was in my neighborhood, I would come every day.

J: Absolutely. Ah, delicious. So, this is like an 8 min walk from Zōshigaya station, right? Its a bit of a walk, but you'll be able to find it online if you search for it.

T: Ths is good. Its delicious.

2:25 J: (*At station*) Well now..

K: Where is this?

J: So this is the tram on the Toden-Arakawa line.

T: Its Kishibojinmae station.

K: Ahh, so ??? (*Facing away from camera with mask on...couldn't clearly make out what he said*)

J: Thats it. So, we are gonna move to a different spot from here.

T: Yep, its been all funfunfun before now, but this time we are gonna go looking for some Tokyo mysteries. So, we'll get on this train and go to a certain place.

J: Tokyo Sports is all about mysteries, monsters, and UFOs, right? (*Couldn't really follow the rest of this exchange*)

*They get on, then off the train at the next spot*

3:29 T: The mystery spot that I am gonna introduce is this bridge. Omokage bridge (Omokage=face/visage).

J: It just looks like a regular bridge.

T: Its a really short bridge. Its almost not a bridge. This explains the name (*points to info board*). So, actually, on the otherside of the bridge there used to be the criminal execution center for Zōshigaya.

J: Ahh, so this is not exactly the river Styx, but..

T: Yeh, and they would part from thier family on this side of the bridge, and be taken over to the other side.

J: I see.

T: Its just a theory, but its thought that its called 'Omokage/visage brige', because they left the memory thier faces here. But there is also a history to this brigde. You know the story of 'Yotsuya Kaidan'/The Ghost of Yotsuya?

J: Yep, yep.

T: With Oiwa san..

J: Like 'I curse youuuu'

T: Yeh, yeh, yeh. Do you know the story of Oiwa san?

J: Yeh, I do. Like 'One plate, two plates..'

T: No, thats Sarayashiki, thats a different one. So, what happened was, there was a man, and his wife called Oiwa. The man became annoyed with her, and she was made to drink a poison which scarred her face. Then he forced her to seperate from him. The woman cursed him, saying she would come back as a ghost. This woman Oiwa was nailed to a door post, and thrown in the river to be washed away, there's a scene like that, right? Its thought that this is the spot she was thrown in the river. So, this story, Yotsuya Kaidan, came about as a Kabuki play after its writer, Tsuruya Nanboku had gathered up a lot of these kind of local rumors during the Edo era. We don't know if Oiwa san really was washed away here, but we know this kind of thing did happen. Its only a short bridge, but its got this kind of history going back to the Edo era.

J: ???*1

T: Actually, I used to live around here.

J: Ehh? Why in such a frightful place?

T: It was cheap.

J: Is this in Shinjuku ward?

T: No, its in Toshima ward.

J: Oh, Toshima?

T: Just on the verge of Shinjuku.

K: It says Shinjuku here.

T: Yes, but..Oh, the other side is Toshima.

J: Where we are stood now is Shinjuku. Its next to Waseda, right?

T: Should we cross the bridge?

K: Yeah, lets cross it.

6:50 J: The river is pretty, isn't it?

(*Next is short exchange about the sakura leaning into the river, and execution spot over on the other side, which I can't make out clealy due to them all facing away from the mic, and very loud traffic passing simultaneously*)

T: So you see, this place is very historic.

J: It makes a shiver run down your spine when you think of it.....*shudders*. Sorry, its just being in this place.

K: Ok, should we head to the next spot?

J: Yeh, should we go?

K: Its a different place next.

*In the suburbs*

7:46 K: Where is this?

J: Here in Bunkyō Ward, they call this place Nezucchi (*The name of a comedian who is good at tellIng riddles*)

T: Nezucchi?

J: Haha

K: He lost it. haha

J: Sorry, Im embarrassed now, haha. Well, actually, they call this area Yanasen/谷根千, which is the neighborhoods of Yanaka, Nezu, and Sendagi together, and we are in Nezu today. Its a very quiet surburban area, but this place was voted for by a listener, or rather a user, as a good mystery spot. We recieved this email, so Kaoru could you read it out?

K: (*reading*) Its from 'Yasubeniisann'. It says, 'This is quite famous, but in Nezu there is a haunted staircase. When you go up the stairs there are 40 steps, but going down, there are only 39'....Um..did..

J: We already spilled the mystery.

T: Yeah.

J: Well, we already spilled the mystery , but yes, this is what we are going to see. A mysterious set of stairs. Lets go.

8:49 K: (*approaching the stairs*) Right up to the top, yeah? Not half way?

J: Yeah, I think right up to the top.

K: Both sides are the same, right?

J: Seems like it. Which side is the way up?

K: Eh? You could go up either side, right?

T: You mean like on an escalator where one side is up and one side is down.

J: Should we try counting the steps?

K: You're too eager, haha.

T: Which side should we do, the right side?

J: No, lets go with the left side.

T: Like in Kantō.

J: Yep, Kantō style.

K: Ok, Im gonna start.

J: Ok...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7....

9:57 K: (*reaching the top of the staircase*) 39 steps.

J: 39? Yep I got 39 too. And next, if we go down..

T: On that side?

K: Will it be 39?

(*They walk downstairs *)

K: (*Reaching the bottom*) Eh?

T: Wasn't that 40?

K: I got 39.

T: Huh?

J: Huh?! I got 39. You got 40?

T: Yeah, I got 40.

J: Eh?! Hang on, whats going on?

10:55 K: (*Re-reading the email*) It says there are 40 steps going up.

J: 40 going up?

K: Are they including this? (*points to first concrete step on level with the ground*)

J: Oh, is that it?

K: If they are including this..

J: Yeah, if thats included, then..

T: I see.

K: I'll try starting from this. (*starts going up*)

J: Maybe you're supposed to go up the other side.. I can hear you.

T: Im out of breath..

J: Oh, you're carrying the bag..

T: Its embarrassing, im out of breath.

J: Its this step, this one.

11:36 K: (*Gets to top of stairs*) Ah, I see.

J: (*Getting to top*) 40!

T: (*Starting from the bottom*) This is the first step, yeh? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9....

J: Haha

T: Then across?

J: No, no, diagonally.

T:...38, 39, 40.

K: You included the very first step at the bottom, right?

T: Yes...huh?

K: Huh? Really? How come only I'm different?

12:30 T: (*Going down*) This is the first one. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6....... ....... 37, 38, 39, and this is 40.

K: You're not counting this one, are you? (*To J*) This one is ???*2

J: Ahh, thats the difference.

13:08 J: Do we count this one? Thats the problem. According to the email, there are 40 steps going up, and 39 going down.

K: Its like can you count this as 1..?

J: Yeah, thats it.

K: Im not sure.

T: Its raised by about 5cm.

K: Well, I mean...we'll digest that bread easily.

J: Haha, yeah, we can definitely say we exercised today.

T: Its been quite tough for the staff doing the filming.

J: Yeah, haha. While we were going up one by one, they were going up and down each time. But what is our verdict about this?

K: Was is right? If this is the first step?

J: Im pretty intrigued about this.

T: Well, let's give our answer here. To conclude.

J: As a last word?

T: Yeah.

J: Well, it depends on whether or not you count this as the first step. If you do count it, then there is 40 steps going up. But if you look over here, this side is barely elevated from the ground at all. So you end up taking the second level as the first step.

K: Yeah.

J: Thats it right? And back over here, the first step is more elevated, so you would make that number 1.(*Starts climbing*).1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

K: (*To T*) Ok, shall we go?

T: Yep, lets go. Bye Joe.... ... ... That was fun.

K: Yeh, it was. (*Too windy to make out what they are saying*)

T: I wonder if Joe is still doing it.

15:00 J: (*Coming downstairs*) They're not here? They left me. Hello? You two? What? There's no one here.

Takabayashi: That was 39.

J: Was it 39? So, yes, that means going up is 40 steps, and coming down is 39 steps. The others have already left, so if you'd like to try this, its in Nezu...the haunted staircase. Please come and have a go, get some exercise.

15:31 T: He didn't call out for us to wait, right? haha....... ... ... Haha, here he is.

J: ??? (*No idea what he means here*)

T: You didn't realise we'd gone?

J: No, I didn't. When I came down there was no-one there, so it was a bit lonely. I closed the segment by myself.

T, K: Hahaha

T: How about this haunted staircase?

J: What do you think, Kaoru?

K: There was no ghost.

J: There wasn't, was there.

K: Its more like a mistaken staircase.

J: Yeah.

T: Ah, I see. Haha. To be accurate, the mistaken first step.

J: Yeah. When you go up, the fist step on one side looks as if its slightly elevated, so..

T: Yeah. We could go looking for other mysteries like this.

J: Yeah, lets solve them all!

K: So it seems as if we can use this one then.

J: Ah, thats good! We didnt waste our effort. So, if anyone knows any other mysteries that we could solve..?

K: Yeh, anything is ok, just let us know.

J: We'll solve them.

K: Ok, well, we can finish here. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

*1,2 Couldn't catch.

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #tfoe #kaoru #薫

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howtosingit · 4 years ago

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if ur ok with it can u break down the tarlos huggggg in the lst ep after tk tells evy1 abt his addiction? bc that gd huggggggg i wanna no every thing u think abt it i live for ur love for tarlos theyre just so so cuteeeee

IF I’M OKAY WITH IT?! Anon, I feel like I have been waiting my entire life for this ask. I could literally talk about this hug for the rest of my existence. I would talk about this hug every second of every day if I could and never get tired or bored. This hug has owned my entire heart from the moment that it happened and I can never get enough of it. Brace yourself for this essay, and remember that you asked for it...

Okay, so before I get to the actual hug, I want to talk for a minute about why I love it so much and also how fantastic the scene is that comes before it. I’ll try to keep both of those brief (LOL). If you want to skip to the hug breakdown, I’ll give the sections titles.

Why I Love This Hug

So, why do I love this hug so much? Honestly, because I never in a million years thought we’d get something like it, and it was a big turning point for me.

I have not been quiet about how disappointing I think season 1 was. Too much Owen being Owen, too much Iris plot (which never interested me for even a single moment, unfortunately), not enough of the other characters - specifically the characters of color - and definitely not enough Tarlos.

Following episode 3, the show established a really frustrating pattern with Tarlos: they either never interacted with one another, or there was a moment of them at the end of an episode where they were in the same place physically but never spoke directly to one another. Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe the Tarlos talking drought between episodes 3 and 10 - and honestly? It’s bad writing. To focus on a ship for 3 episodes, giving them a lot of different nuances and conflict, and then do absolutely nothing with it? Stupid. So, going into the finale, my expectations were low. At that point, I was literally tuning in just to catch a glimpse of Carlos, with the expectation that that was all I would get. I really didn’t think I was going to watch the show after season 1.

When the finale started with a Tarlos scene, I was honestly very surprised. But, then, of course, it was a “break up” scene, and I was like... well. So much for that. See, I fully expected, based on the trend throughout the later half of the season, that that would be the only Tarlos scene we would get, and that that is how they would end season 1.

But when that camera cut to Carlos Reyes walking through the station door looking like a modern-day motherf*cking Prince Charming? I cried. I’m not ashamed to admit that. And then WHEN WE GOT THE HUG?! I can honestly still feel my heart pounding in my chest.

The finale didn’t fix everything for me; they still barely talk in their final two scenes. It’s not all perfect. But this hug, this small moment? THAT. IS. PERFECTION. (And I’m gonna go on and on about why in just a minute!)

Framing the Hug

I just want to take another moment here to chat about the entire fire station scene with TK and the team/Carlos because there’s a lot that informs why this hug is so freaking incredible. It has everything to do with the directing choices that were made - and boy were they good ones!

We all probably remember how the scene starts: extreme close-ups on TK as he sits waiting for the crew to come back. He’s anxious and possibly having a mild panic attack, and the camera is used to create that moment. Certain shots are out of focus, the shots that are focused are zoomed in to his mouth/hands/eyes, the sound is distorted, his breathing is isolated. It’s all super effective.

So the observations that I make about this brief moment are: TK is stationary, the camera is basically attacking him. And TK is alone. Pretend for a moment that the camera is a character. The camera won’t leave him alone. No one is there to help him. His anxiety grows.

(Even when the team joins him, the camera stays pretty close to him, except for one moment where it backs off but then approaches again. It continues to invade his personal space and his personal moments with his friends and his dad.)

Now, compare that to how the scene ends: TK walks away from the camera, the camera doesn’t follow him. It gives him space. His interaction with Carlos happens in the distance. If the camera is a character, TK defeated that character. He leaves it there, it no longer threatens him. I just really like that visual storytelling; that through the 4 minute scene, TK not only faces his demons, speaks his truth, and conquers his anxiety but he beats the camera and goes off to hug Carlos untethered. (He even bounces towards him, but we’ll get to that in a minute.) That doesn’t really have anything to do with the hug specifically, but I thought it was interesting anyway.

The other comparison that I want to make is a simple one, but it’s another reason why I love the hug: TK initiates it. He doesn’t initiate the group hug with his team (he actually almost says “we don’t have to do that” when Mateo moves towards him), though he obviously enjoys it. Owen initiates their hug, flinging himself at his son, and TK obviously appreciates it.

But the Carlos hug? TK approaches him, TK raises his arm to wrap around Carlos’s neck.

Okay, now to finally answer the original ask...

LET’S HUG IT OUT: THE BREAKDOWN THAT WAS ASKED FOR

youtube

First, can I just say from his first appearance to the end of this scene, Carlos is there for 20 seconds total and I am about to write a whole-ass essay about those 20 seconds?! I’m literal trash.

Okay, so Carlos appears looking like a fucking snack. He’s changed since the bus accident, looking like someone’s hot date, and I think we know whose... Owen is basically like “well this is unexpected” and honestly, same sir. TK is adorable and noncommittal, but clearly not surprised to see Carlos there. We’ve missed a moment between them since TK was sent to the hospital and Carlos called him impressive, that’s for sure.

So when TK starts to walk towards him, the camera refocuses on Carlos and we see this adorable freaking look on his face that clearly says “how did it go?” or “all went well?” or something to that effect. I think Carlos knew what TK was doing at the station and he knew that it was a big deal for him, and I love that even before they are next to each other, he’s checking in to see how it went. He’s invested in TK’s well-being - as always - and he’s there to support him, both physically and emotionally. I COULD SCREAM.

In response to Carlos’s silent questioning, TK throws his head back and sighs. Like I said before, he seems to bounce towards Carlos, his body is pretty loose - his arms are swinging back and forth. This is a guy who just took a load off, and he’s relieved about having done so. The smile that Carlos gives him in answer says that he’s relieved too - that it went so well, that TK seems lighter. He might even be relieved that TK is being so much more open with him, clearly showing him his emotions. Their body language for this entire moment is very open, neither of them seem closed off. It truly does feel like, for the first time, they are meeting each other on equal footing, with all of their cards on the table before them. It’s such a different moment for them, certainly different than their body language during the boba date earlier in the episode.

I would be an absolute idiot if I did not pause and remark here how INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT IT IS that TK is the one that approaches Carlos. I’m not the first person to notice and say this, but Carlos “I hate being the one doing the chasing” Reyes stops just inside the door. He lets TK walk towards him. It’s such an interesting, nonverbal conversation between them. In this action, Carlos is saying “I’m here, but I’m still not going to force anything. You said you wanted space, so I’m giving it to you.” Sure, he comes to the station - but I would pay good money to bet that TK invited him there following some kind of conversation about what he was doing there - but he stays at the door. He’s cautious, but open. He wants something more with TK, but he’s not going to throw himself into it just to get hurt again. So, he waits. AND TK COMES TO HIM. TK leaves his own space and enters his. TK takes the final step. TK closes the gap. TK makes the big move, and they’re finally both right in front of each other, on the same wavelength. The find that solid ground from which they’ll build their relationship together. ISN’T IT JUST BEAUTIFUL?!

Seriously, kudos to Bradley Buecker for directing this episode with multiple levels of storytelling at play. It’s really great stuff.

OKAY, there’s a little Owen and Michelle moment, but then the camera finds Tarlos again.

TK is standing in front of Carlos, they’re completely fixated on one another, their body language is just so fucking casual and comfortable I cannot stand it. See, the other hugs were all pretty intense: the team piles on top of TK, burying him, and Owen practically throws himself at TK, it’s a fairly hard hug for a man with an injured shoulder. But this hug? NOPE.

It’s so soft. It’s so gentle. TK raises his arm like he just can’t not wrap it around Carlos’s neck, like it’s the only way to be as close as possible to him and being as close as possible to him is all he wants in that moment.

What I really love about this hug is that it feels like two people who hug not because the moment is demanding it, not because they’re reuniting after a long time apart, not because they’re in a heightened state of emotion.

These two hug like it’s just what they do, what they always want to be doing, like they don’t know how not to do it. The whole thing reads like “Hi, I’m TK and my arms belong around Carlos” and “Hi, I’m Carlos, and my arms belong around TK, what else would I be doing with them?” (It’s also the vibe I get from the club scene where they wrap their arms around each other.)

IT’S INTIMACY, Y’ALL.

Look, to be a Tarlos fan, I think you have to be willing to look at the relationship on two different levels, right? One is what they verbalize to each other, which is admittedly very little (season 2, come through). The other is the story that they tell through their body language. These two have seemingly always been on the same page physically. It just comes naturally to them, from the minute they first dance to their obviously very pleasing sex scene to the way they flirt in the bar to the club to Carlos at TK’s bedside.

Their chemistry is made clear through how they physically relate to each other, and never is that more clear than in this hug that LITERALLY LASTS 2 SECONDS BUT CONTAINS MULTITUDES.

Okay, back to it... so TK strolls towards Carlos, Carlos waits for him - they symbolism is making me scream - TK raises his arm, it’s all super casual...

And then he just kind of literally falls into Carlos’s body, and Carlos basically just catches him. HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THAT.

They don’t even speak but because they’ve had a nonverbal conversation with just those looks that I talked about, there’s just this understanding that TK needs to just collapse a little bit and he never for one second doubts that Carlos will hold him up. THAT’S JUST WHAT THEY DO.

OKAY OKAY OKAY now we’re going to break this down from head to toe.

Like, the way that their heads just rest against each other, TK pressing close - I can almost imagine that he breathes in the scent of Carlos’s shampoo, his nose is pressed right there in his curls. AND JUST IMAGINE HIS SMILE, I BET IT’S BLINDING.

I love that their heads kind of curve around each other kind of, perfectly Yin and Yang - like, from above they would totally look like that symbol.

MY FAVORITE PART OF THE ENTIRE THING: CARLOS FREAKING REYES NUZZLING INTO TYLER KENNEDY STRAND’S NECK, LIKE HE JUST SHOVES HIS FACE RIGHT IN THERE

THE NECK KISS MADE ME SCREAM SO FUCKING LOUD THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT I COULD NOT HANDLE IT

First, it’s our first kiss since episode 2.

Second, THE INTIMACY OF PRESSING A KISS TO SOMEONE’S NECK - LIKE THAT IS SUCH A SOFT PART OF YOUR BODY, THERE ARE TENDONS THERE, YOU CAN FEEL SOMEONE’S PULSE THERE - LIKE OH MY GOD

Nothing screams “I want to know every part of this man on a deep, committed level” than a fucking neck kiss, and Carlos Reyes just... he fucking does it.

Okay but he really does bury his whole face in there like he wants to keep it there forever, I have truly never seen something so soft in my entire life.

I’m so in love with them I could puke.

But like, that’s why this moment means so much to me, because I really do think that it’s a solidifying moment for both of them.

For TK, it’s a “It’s okay if I stumble or fall because this man will catch me or help me up” thing

For Carlos, it’s “he wants me, he wants this, he’s taking literal steps towards this thing between us, and he encourages me to sink into him, he wants me to do that, he really wants this”

Like, fuck.

Moving down... we gotta appreciate Carlos being mindful of TK’s shoulder, unlike literally everyone else who has hugged him. Like, he doesn’t even go anywhere near those stitches because there’s no fucking way he’s going to watch TK bleed out for the third time, nope.

And the way that Carlos just slides his arms around TK’s waist, pressing his palms into his lower back?!

I think there’s a whole like, thing, where when a person’s hands are flat and open they’re like, open and vulnerable. So there’s just something about the way that Carlos presses both of his open palms against TK’s back that feels so open and vulnerable and honest to me.

Also, the way that he literally covers as much of TK’s back with his hands as possible? He doesn’t place his hands on top of one another, he stacks them along TK’s spine - he completely covers the entirety of his lower back. That’s a really vulnerable part of the human body, and Carlos instinctively protects it. AND TK LET’S HIM.

Okay, finally, down to their feet: TK really does collapse against Carlos, throwing himself on top of him and trusting that Carlos will keep him upright. All of his weight shifts to that forward momentum, he even goes up on the toes of his right foot. Carlos plants his feet, and as TK sways into him, he wraps him in his arms and gently centers them so that they don’t tip over to the ground.

He literally re-balances them. The two of them together find a balance with one another during this TWO-SECOND HUG. They shift, they steady themselves, they sink into one another.

It’s literally symbolic of them both being completely, 100%, without question, ready for the next phase of their relationship together.

They keep each other standing, and that’s fucking true love, y’all.

I honestly cannot wait for season 2. This hug and the final scene on the hood of Carlos’s car - with TK again making the move to embrace their relationship by physically reaching into Carlos’s space for his hand and dragging it into his own space, firmly opening the door to his heart to let him inside, while also settling Carlos’s hand between his own to let him know that he’s willing to protect him and his heart too - makes me believe that we are in for some truly wonderful romance with these boys.

My heart will not stop screaming about it.

#anonymous #asks #tarlos #tk strand #carlos reyes #911 lone star #that finale hug is the very definition of love #and I have a lot of feelings about it #thank you so much for sending this ask #I loved getting to rewatch this 3-second hug about a billion times to overanalyze it #best night I've had in a long time #holy shit this is almost 3K... for a 3-second hug... I’m literally trash #brian breakdowns #brian being tarlos trash

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