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theroastedwretch · 2 years ago

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Between the Lines- Ep. 3

A/N: This one is pretty long, partially to make up for just how short the next one will be. Episode 4 comes at you pretty rapid fire by design, so it's harder to stretch out and still make it make sense.

Usual warnings apply, some no no words, innuendo/bad flirting. This one also features a bit more insecurity around body image than usual and discussions of mental illness, so if that's not your thing please keep that in mind.

Index Episode 2

I was cursing at my phone and muttering about stupid 20-somethings getting involved in shit they shouldn’t— and ignoring the irony— when I finally managed to get a grip on myself and start thinking a bit more clearly.

Should I text the others? The Hacker seemed pretty sure one of them was the culprit, and while I wasn’t totally positive, the timing of the threatening call seemed to support that. It had been early on in my communications with the group that it would have been surprising if my number had leaked beyond them by then.

But if the Hacker was monitoring their phones, could the culprit be as well? I know he’d said he was putting protections on my devices, but if he hadn’t done theirs it was entirely possible someone could have gotten my number that way.

Not to mention, Thomas claimed the message with my number in the first place had come from Hannah’s phone. We’d been working under the assumption all this time that she’d sent it, but her phone had disappeared with her, and Thomas said the call he’d made had been answered by breathing. Despite what Joyce had claimed in Stranger Things, there was no good way to identify breathing.

What if it had been the kidnapper who sent them my number? The issue of “why me” remained, but it did make more objective sense that he would have access to the phone and use it for something other than calling the police (or their hacker friend).

Hell, maybe my number has actually been a diversion. A random string of numbers sent to confuse them that happened to be my contact info? The coincidence was huge, but possible. In fact, was it even that big of a coincidence? Maybe for me, the person with the number, it felt that way. But on the outside looking in, most combinations of numbers with the right amount of digits would probably call someone.

I wasn’t an investigator or police. I occasionally dabbled in writing mystery and did some escape rooms. I listened to true crime podcasts. But being that I was the core, stereotypical demographic for most of those things, that didn’t exactly make me uniquely qualified for any of this.

My mind raced round and round, trying to piece together who I could trust, how I could help, and what my place in this whole clusterfuck really was. I actually had something of a reputation of being good under pressure (but collapsing as soon as it was gone— as shown by the time I’d giggled for like ten minutes straight after rushing around to put out Annie’s kitchen fire as she screamed and didn’t use the phone in her hand to call for help) but this time, maybe because there really wasn’t anything I could actually do, I found myself totally useless.

I’d worked myself up into such a fit that by the time Cleo texted, I was tense enough to yelp at the buzzing phone in my hand.

Thomas? I mouthed silently. The kid takes off after finding out about the body, gets weirdly aggressive at Dan to set up some sketchy deal he refused to mention by name, and then breaks into his girlfriend’s apartment?

Cleo was clearly uncomfortable with it too, sounding more stilted and awkward than I’d ever heard her, even when confronting her about her newfound love of trespassing. Was he looking at her phone? Had he said something to her?

It wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility to think he had a key— Annie’s boyfriend had one to our place, much to my chagrin— and Cleo was just as guilty of going in as he was. But something about her reaction put me on edge, so I hoped she’d get somewhere she felt freer to talk soon.

Jessy’s rage provided a good distraction, though I really wasn’t surprised to see the way the paper had “reported” the body. It fit for a small town, whose identity partially stemmed from the idea of being safe and close. How many times in the past had I rolled my eyes at my grandma declaring that “this stuff didn’t happen in her town” when she watched the news for the city I’d grown up in? These were places where you never locked your doors, knew the mailman by name.

It became crucial to maintain that status quo at all costs, even if it meant relegating a murder to the back pages of a paper. Even if that meant the victim went unremembered.

Of course she was angry. Burying your head in the sand only felt good when it wasn’t your hurt being covered up.

Seeing her so upset brought back that feeling of helplessness I’d had with Cleo earlier. This time, there were things I could say, actions I could take. But nothing that would fix the situation or make her feel better at all. I could only let her vent. Even that felt so useless, it was only the tip of the iceberg.

Thomas’s return gave her something else to focus on, at least, even as I wondered whether it was planned or if his encounter with Cleo had forced his hand. I struggled to still see him as a devoted, grieving boyfriend after all this time.

The news that the body wasn’t Hannah’s perked everyone else up, but made me even more unsettled. As an outsider without any attachment to Hannah, a body appearing right after a kidnapping made things so much more complicated, and more dangerous.

One was unfortunate, two was a pattern.

There was no way I could say that to them, though, or even the Hacker, so I was left to stew on that on my own through the rest of Thomas’s return conversation.

Needing to process everything that had happened, I decided to go get some fresh air. I rarely took walks, I didn’t seem to get the cabin fever that others felt, and the pandemic had only made me even more comfortable hunkering down in one place. But suddenly I felt caged, like if I didn’t keep moving, I might collapse.

Something felt off to me, beyond the obvious. Why would the cops confirm anything to Thomas, who wasn’t Hannah’s husband and presumably had only a passing connection to the deceased woman? I knew that privacy in these cases wasn’t as strict as say, hospitals, and who knew what the laws in Germany looked like about that, but it still didn’t sit right with me. Maybe it was a small town thing?

Googling “how much can the police release to non-family in a missing person’s case” got me nowhere even before I added in the jurisdictional aspect, and I started to get frustrated at how little I knew about any of this.

I’d had dealings with cops before, a rebellious youth plus some impulse control issues had seen to that. I’d dated some questionable men, no doubt about that, made some bad choices. I knew the basics of the law in some areas, but nothing significant.

All of the recent happenings had me getting really frustrated with my ineptitude and getting pulled into this. I couldn’t say why I’d stuck around so far, really. It just seemed like everyone expected me to, and I didn’t want to disappoint them.

But hell, how was I not going to disappoint them?

My life had begun revolving around this case, even when it probably shouldn’t. Outside of the movie day and going out with Annie, one of which involved Jessy and the other I still felt guilty over, I’d taken very little time away from this, and it was starting to wear me down.

Still, how did I tell these grieving friends that I needed a break? How would I leave them up to their own devices, considering even with my help they were breaking in to crime scenes, buying illegal items, and having breakdowns over found bodies? They were suffering worse than I was, and even knowing that I would crash, I felt responsible for that.

Hannah had been missing for weeks, and all I’d done was find a cat picture, pry into her medical information, and discovered some emo poetry. Poirot, I was not. I couldn’t help but think that the others blamed me for that fact.

As if hearing my doubts, the Hacker appeared. I hugged my sweater closer to myself despite the day actually being fairly warm, and considered putting him off. But I wasn’t going to make any progress without him, and the sooner we solved this mystery, the sooner I could nurse my ego and return to my life.

I wasn’t at all surprised to hear he was reading in on my chat with Cleo, though I was a bit that he was watching my video chats. The insecure, dysmorphic part of me tried to remember how many chins I had while on screen, even knowing that he probably hadn’t looked at me once during the call. I knew it was silly, but I’d have to start considering my appearance a little more before turning on my camera.

I’d meant to come off more teasing when I’d questioned whether my opinion mattered to him, but I knew I sounded desperate for his approval. Still, I was pretty surprised when he answered in the affirmative, seemingly genuine. My face burned when I admitted to the same, but it kind of felt like I owed it to him at that moment.

Of course, he quickly moved the conversation back to the matter at hand, and I tried not to let that sting. Once he admitted to his “flaw”, though, I couldn’t help but question myself even further. Did it extend to not realizing how he came off over chat? Had he not even noticed the times I was flirting?

It seemed like everything had me off kilter today, and I was desperate to hide under my blankets and let myself mope, at least a little. It was so like me, to get feelings for a guy on the other side of the world that I didn’t even know the name of who had no idea I’d spent weeks flirting with him. I felt like a teenager again, pining over a boy who told me that I’d have an easier time finding a boyfriend if I lost weight.

Really, I thought I’d grown past this.

Massaging my temples as I walked back into my apartment, I let myself flop into bed despite how early it was. Maybe if I crawled into my safe space while texting, things wouldn’t bother me as much. Or I’d at least be less of an asshole and stop focusing on my own bullshit at a time like this.

I felt like I had to push back on his assertion that Hannah couldn’t have hurt herself. I clearly had more experience with depression than he had, and considering how he’d reacted to the SSRIs already, I worried it could break him. Besides, not all methods of hurting yourself came in the form that most people expected. Pretty much my entire early twenties was a testament to all of the ways you could hurt yourself without causing a single bit of physical harm.

I decided not to push that part.

We discussed the cloud entry (I resisted the urge to joke about my own shitty poetry, since I wasn’t making this about myself anymore) and I was surprised to discover that he’d never met Hannah. He was maybe more invested in finding her than some of the group.

I wasn’t making this about myself, so I didn’t worry that maybe they were romantic penpals or something. She had Thomas.

I had to admit I felt pretty good about getting to tease him about the legends, and was glad to see it made him laugh. Not because I wanted his approval, but just because he was usually so serious. Of course.

Finally, after exhausting all of the leads and updates either of us had— there was no movement on Poke’s number yet— he logged off suddenly and I sighed, taking the opportunity to wiggle deeper into my nest and think about nothing for a while. ___

I hadn’t intended to fall asleep, but I was shocked when I opened my eyes next to find that twelve hours had passed, and I suddenly found myself the topic of the group chat. Maybe I’d grilled Thomas too hard yesterday.

Dan: We don’t know anything about her, why should we trust her?

Seriously Dan? After facilitating some weird deal between Thomas and Poke, you want to start throwing stones? Maybe guilt and deflection, but annoying nonetheless.

I let myself get truly frustrated with them for the first time, reminding them of their responsibility for the fact that they knew nothing about me. Not like I’d been nothing but a vehicle to find Hannah or something to all of them but Jessy, right?

MC: I mean MC: You could ask

Thomas: What?

MC: I don’t have a whole lot of reasons to lie to you MC: Not beyond like “oh yeah I definitely do floss every day”, at least MC: So don’t ask that one MC: I will lie about that

Dan: We can’t even know if you’re telling the truth!

MC: Right MC: But if we’re talking stranger danger, it’s kind of 5 against 1 already.

Dan: Fine, so tell us about yourself

MC: Well that’s super unhelpful MC: I at least ask you guys questions

Dan: You mean interrogate?

MC: Sure MC: Ask away

Jessy: What color is your hair?

MC: Ha!

I hit send while snorting before realizing that my amusement wouldn’t make sense to anyone in the group.

MC: Sorry, inside joke… not a very good one. MC: Brown normally MC: But I get bored with that a lot. MC: So like, less brown right now? I guess?

Jessy: Oooh! What colors has it been?

I smiled a little, of course Jessy would show something of an actual interest while simultaneously asking questions that helped nothing.

MC: Well, I’ve done red streaks. Not like yours, Jessy, they called it “fire-engine red”. Red fades so fast, so I only did that once. MC: High school was when I did most of it. It was pink for a while. MC: Kept it bleached for a while, but I’m not a good blonde. MC: Blue in college.

Thomas: Stop Thomas: Why are you doing this?

MC: Because she asked? And because if you guys keep not trusting me, we won’t get anywhere?

Thomas: No. I mean, why are you here?

MC: Because you added me to the group.

Thomas: You know what I’m asking

I groaned. I did, but where do you even start? How do I even explain, when I don’t really know myself? I knew I was on thin ice, though. Jessy liked me, and Cleo was open to me. But Thomas was, at best, neutral, Richy had barely spoken to me, Lilly was totally absent, and Dan… well, Dan was Dan.

What do you tell a group of strangers when they ask why you’re putting all of your energy into snooping around their personal lives?

The hope that Thomas seemed to be fueled by, that I’d have some unknown connection and solution to everything seemed to have vanished. And that had really been my only connection to these people.

“Sorry, I might want to bone the hacker you all hate, so I do what he tells me,” was pathetic on so many levels, and would do nothing to help me.

MC: Look MC: I’m an asshole, okay? My jokes are bad, I suck at people, and I’m just generally something of an acquired taste at best MC: But like, how do you walk away from people who want you to help find a missing person? MC: I don’t know her. It’s crazy I care this much. But Thomas, you sent me all those pictures MC: And you’ve all talked about her so much MC: And I read the articles about it online and that made it so real too MC: I don’t know if I’ll be useful. Frankly, I’m usually not even at the best of times MC: But on the tiniest chance I can be, and I don’t try? I don’t think I’m prepared to be that much of a shit person.

The silence after I wrote all of that stretched on long enough to make me sweat. Being genuine wasn’t something I practiced much, and I was mostly just glad I hadn’t had to say all of that out loud because I would have stumbled over it and messed it up somehow. However un-charismatic I was online, it was nothing compared to how I was in person.

After what felt like several minutes of nothing, I began frantically thinking of ways to take it all back. Despite the miles and miles between us, something about my words made me feel like I was standing in front of them all naked, so the lack of reply had me fighting not to claw my eyes out.

Finally, around the time I’d hunted down the dusty bottle of vodka I’d gotten as a gift for last Christmas and poured myself a glass with little enough juice that it did more for color than taste, there was movement in the chat.

Dan is typing…

Dan: Fine Dan: Stay

Dan is offline.

Cleo: Right, well… Welcome to the team.

I was a bit surprised to see the hesitation from Cleo, since she’d already called me at Hannah’s and admitted to several crimes, one of which I was complicit in. Maybe she’d only included me before since I was online and couldn’t stop her? Who knows.

Thomas is offline.

Cleo is offline.

Richy is offline.

Only Jessy and I remained, which I guess I could have predicted at that point. Considering her line of questioning, and our active personal chat, it made sense that she’d be the one least likely to need to mull over my outburst. Which is why, when I saw a notification pop up seconds later, I didn’t hesitate to press it without looking at the name.

As it turned out, It wasn’t from Jessy. Instead, the notification led me back to my chat with the Hacker.

???: You did surprisingly well.

Despite the fact that I’d normally bask a little bit in the compliment (however backhanded the qualifier made it feel), I only felt irritated. My frustration, insecurity and helplessness bubbled over, and even knowing how little he’d get those emotions from my words, he was the only one here to direct it at.

MC: Thanks? I think? MC: Or are you just surprised they didn’t boot me out of the chat? MC: Look, I want to help, but you saw how that just went. MC: I don’t do this, okay? I don’t know how to get people to like me, or trust me, or want to talk to me. Everyone who puts up with me in real life are either people who met me when we were young enough that being edgy and bitchy seemed cool, liked my mom enough to feel like they have to make sure I’m alive, or are getting paid in one way or the other.

???: I believe it went well, MC. You were quite convincing.

MC: Pf. Hardly. For Hannah, you need to find someone else. I can still do the cloud stuff if you want, but there’s got to be someone better to talk to the group.

The moment I hit send, a notification from the person I’d been expecting earlier appeared at the top of my screen.

Jessy: MC! I’m so sorry they acted so mean Jessy: They’re not usually like that, they’re scared. But that’s no excuse. Jessy: You almost made me cry!

MC: I’m sorry!

Jessy: No no, it was so nice! 🥰

MC: Mmh, Jessy, I made everyone run away.

Jessy: Trust me, they just didn’t know what to say. They hate being wrong!

While I wracked my brain trying to formulate a response, another notification popped up that I didn’t even bother to click this time.

???: ;)

Smug bastard. ___

After that, things were a little less tense in the group chat. The majority still weren’t particularly friendly, but they’d at least seem to accept my presence. Dan was still kind of an asshole, but in a kind of way that I was used to, so I didn’t let it bother me. He seemed like the sort that people just kind of ignored most of the time, and I knew what that was like.

The chat wasn’t what I’d consider active, but they checked in on each other occasionally, tried to cheer each other up and touched base with platitudes and support.

Jessy: MC Jessy: … Jessy: You there? Jessy: MCCCCC

Huh. It was strange for me to be addressed directly at the start of a conversation, but the fact that it was Jessy made it make a little more sense. I suspected she was trying to include me more and humanize me to the rest, a mission she’d kind of taken up recently.

MC: Hi! Sorry, I got a call.

Jessy: Aren’t you popular?

MC: No, no, never. Work. 😩

Jessy: Oh! You know, I don’t think we’ve ever talked about your job.

MC: Well, yeah, it’s not really been important.

Other than my chats with Jessy, and the time Thomas had grilled me about my intentions, discussing me had been pretty low priority. I’d chime in here and there when the group chat dipped into the easy flow that happened in messages between old friends. And I never missed a chance to make a sassy comment or comment, which they’d quickly learned to ignore or roll their eyes at.

But it was true that in their eyes, I was still just a stranger. Even as I slowly started forming pictures of their lives and getting pulled deeper into Hannah’s world, the group as a whole still didn’t even know my last name. I hadn’t offered it, but they didn’t ask either.

After my hidden meltdown when the body was discovered not to be Hannah’s, I’d probably put up some barriers trying not to totally lose myself in their lives. It was wearing on my mental health in a pretty serious way, so while Jessy and I were continuing to bond, and Cleo had started talking to me more, I felt a bit detached overall.

Jessy: Still! Jessy: You’re always on your phone Jessy: Every time I’m on

I snorted at that, mainly because it wasn’t totally true. I wasn’t a morning person, and she was bright and sunny enough to be way too much until I’d gotten at least two cups of coffee in me. But after that, I did give my phone nearly my full attention.

MC: That’s what my boss just said on our call, haha. 🙃 MC: I work remotely, so I’ve got some flexibility MC: But I’ve been pushing that lately MC: And unlike someone, I’m not cute enough to get away with it

Richy: 😳

For all Jessy tried to hide when she texted non-stop at work, it was actually the worst kept secret. Especially since Richy was on nearly as much during the day. They didn’t acknowledge each other over chat all that much, but there was no way they didn’t notice they were both on.

But since it was just as obvious that Richy wanted to date Jessy…

Jessy: 😤 Jessy: But what do you do?

Of course neither would acknowledge it. They both knew, even if they wanted to pretend they didn’t. I was surprised the group didn’t heckle them for it more. Yet another way they differed from mine, I guess. I’d never live it down with them.

MC: Nothing very exciting. I’m called a “Customer Communication Quality Assurance Analyst”

Jessy: Right…

Yep, that was the usual reaction alright.

MC: Told you 🤣 MC: You know how when you call customer service, that message plays? MC: About your call being recorded? MC: Some companies review those in-house, but others contract out to a firm MC: So I work for one of those

Dan: You’re joking

He didn’t usually get involved when I was talking. He’d respond to the others, of course, but for the most part he preferred to ignore me completely. This would be interesting.

MC: No… why would I be?

Dan: You spend all day spying on people’s calls Dan: Just to open your phone Dan: And interrogate us

I actually was a little more offended than I should have been, which probably gave his point more credence. Still, it felt like there was a note of teasing to it that maybe could work in my favor if I played it right.

MC: Okay MC: Well when you put it that way MC: My life just sounds sad MC: And kind of creepy 😒

Dan: I mean, isn’t it?

MC: Hey 😤 MC: But actually MC: I wanted to be a teacher when I was younger

Jessy: Really?? That’s so cool

I hadn’t meant to prolong this conversation, but since Jessy had definitely become the one that both liked me best and I’d been most open with, maybe it would be useful to let them in a little.

And it was definitely for Hannah and not because I wanted the acceptance of these people. Of course.

MC: Mmh, no, not really. MC: Could have saved myself a lot of time and money if I’d remembered I don’t like dealing with people that much

Jessy: What do you mean? Jessy: You’re so friendly!

Friendly? Jessy, I’m a raging bitch, covering up for the self-esteem of a goldfish with sarcasm and fake arrogance, the mouth of a sailor, and the gutter-mind of a 16 year old boy. Was that friendly?

MC: Sure, to people I like MC: But I made the mistake of being a TA in undergrad MC: Turns out, people can be really dumb and I have no patience 🤓

Cleo: MC!

Yeah. That would be a bit far for Cleo. She was nice enough, of course, but probably the one that struggled the most with my more insulting quips. Well, Thomas and Lilly hadn’t been much involved with me either, so maybe they’d have been yelling at me even more. Who knows?

MC: Yes, yes. I’ll be nice MC: I just get frustrated easily, I guess. MC: Having to explain something over and over

Dan: Mmh, I’m trying to picture you as a teacher. It’s kind of funny.

I felt a surge of pride in realizing I’d kept Dan at least marginally engaged. Though actually, in other circumstances he might have actually been the one I was the most similar to. He seemed to also lack a filter and the capability to recognize when running his mouth was okay.

MC: Funny isn’t the word I’d have used

Jessy: Poor you 😫

MC: If I’m being honest, probably poor them

Jessy: Oh no

MC: 😉 MC: It was better for everyone that I got out of that line of work MC: But it was too late to change my degree unless I wanted to spend way too much time backtracking MC: So I just found a job that would take a degree, no matter what it was. MC: So now, here I am MC: Both professional and amatuer spy MC: Apparently

Jessy: That suits you somehow

MC: I don’t know what to say to that MC: Should I be insulted or…?

Again, realizing my role in this group was still barely above the Hacker’s as far as my motives made my heart sink. They were right. My job here was to investigate, spy and uncover. But since I hadn’t really made them aware of just how creepy I was being, I was surprised to see that they considered me a “spy”, or even investigator.

Jessy: No no! I just meant that you see things others miss Jessy: So it works for you

MC: Oh okay

Dan: Yeah, you’re a regular Sherlock Holmes

MC: Nah, he at least had cocaine to keep him awake. MC: I’m probably more like Harriet the Spy, tbh. 😂

The conversation didn’t continue after that, but I almost felt like I’d earned Dan’s respect even just the tiniest bit with that one. ___

I was somewhat caught off-guard when Richy added me after discussing the Man Without a Face in the legends chat that Jessy had made for us. I agreed with him that Jessy seemed more eager to latch onto the legend than most people would, but it made sense that she’d want to seize any chance she saw to step back from the idea that the killer could be human.

For my part, the more I thought on the idea that someone would be masquerading as this mythical avenger, the more I saw it as a viable concept. Killers, especially ones that consider themselves righteous, love to glom onto characters that get across the message they want to embody.

My true crime podcasts taught me that much at least.

I teased him about Jessy more to get him off balance than to confirm he liked her— that much was already obvious. I wasn’t crazy about the power dynamics at play there, with him being her boss, but that seemed kind of like a thing that just happened in small towns. There were only so many people to start with.

I considered lightly flirting with him to see if that was a better tactic, but frankly I couldn’t bring myself to. Jessy was a friend, and she seemed to like him too. I didn’t think he’d ever get up the nerve to ask her, but there was only so much playing in their lives I could justify before it felt icky.

Besides that, there was the question of my shadow.

Ruminating on that led me back to decrypting, a habit I’d taken up while trying to avoid thinking too much on him, his motives, and how much he even noticed about me. Ironically, decryption was the thing that should remind me the most of him, but I could generally focus on Hannah while doing the most annoying parts, since it was to benefit her.

Sometimes I wondered how she would feel once she was safe. I couldn’t imagine she’d be interested in much to do with me— I was still pretty convinced she hadn’t sent my number— as I’d be mostly a reminder about this horrible time in her life. But would she resent me for the intrusions I’d made into her private life?

As if sensing my guilt, the next file I opened was clearly another diary entry, once again filled with emotional conflict. It as much more straightforward than the last, written with a bit more clarity and thought rather than vomiting words up as they appeared in her head.

I bit the inside of my cheek as I read over it a second time. I knew I had to send this to the Hacker, but Hannah’s distress had really been the only thing to faze him since that first, frantic call to her friends. I worried that this one, likely even direct enough for him to grasp the emotion behind, would cause him even more grief.

But he’d also be furious if he found out I kept something from him, even—or maybe especially— if it was out of a desire to protect him. Sighing guiltily, I sent it to him to discuss.

The conversation went a bit unexpectedly, though. Maybe he’d come to terms with our previous findings enough to prepare himself for this one, or maybe he was glad to have something a bit less hard to understand. He probably didn’t read much poetry with his flaw.

I wasn’t prepared for the fucking praise, though. Or really, my reaction to it was the problem. Instead of feeling patronized, it sent a bit of a jolt through me. So damn stupid, getting worked up over some guy telling you that you did a good job. I knew I had a bit of a submissive side but Jesus, really?

Wait. Could he have found that particular… interest… of mine when reading through my chats? Jessy and I got a bit detailed at times when discussing our preferences, after she got used to me it seemed like she enjoyed having someone to discuss things with.

What else had he seen on my phone and devices? He admitted to having full access but said he only looked at case-related things. Still, there was a lot of bullshit to wade through in order to find those case-related items. After he’d said not to worry about offending him, I’d mostly tried to forget he was there whenever I messaged people or screwed around on the internet.

But all it would take was one poorly timed screen-mirror and…

I scrambled to try to remember my recent activities and felt my face burn when I considered all of the possibilities. I wasn’t one to watch risqué videos, being more into reading and writing to alleviate my frustrations.

Cool. Great. Awesome. He probably knew everything about my kinks and I didn’t know his name.

As freaked out as I was, the fact that I still didn’t know his name was starting to bother me. Especially in light of this recent realization. I could do it, right? Just ask his name? I mean, we’d been talking a while, he said he trusted me. I got the feeling I’d never see his face or talk to him without the distortion, but his name was innocent enough.

Before I could chicken out, I typed it out, as a request rather than a question, and hit send.

Of course he’d ask why I cared. Of course it seemed ridiculous to him, I’d already suspected he had no idea what signals I’d tried to throw out.

Would it hurt to try to be more obvious? I wondered. I was cringing at my screen now, trying to both type and shut my eyes to what I was saying as I admitted to liking him. I tried to make a joke of it, using the damn smilies Jessy had gotten me addicted to, but even someone who couldn’t read had to be able to just smell the pheromones and insecurity dripping off of every word.

Jake.

The emotional high of learning that, of being able to greet him properly for the first time, dampened a bit from the clear regret he immediately expressed. Still, he hadn’t left yet, so I I tried to salvage things a little.

Are you dating someone?

How could I not have melted at that? It was the most overt he’d ever been by far. So even when he fled again, I couldn’t keep the stupid grin off of my face. ___

I was pretty ashamed to only realize that Cleo had never gotten back to me about the situation with Thomas until she reached out again, saying that she needed to clear her head before we talked. Still, I should have checked in about it long before now, so the guilt of making it about me, again, pushed away the good feelings from earlier.

Learning that Thomas and Hannah had been arguing, that he no longer had a key to her apartment despite clearly having a way to access it, just solidified my need to check further into him.

Goddamn it folks, stop being shady and stop not telling me things. How is it this fucking hard?

I pinched my nose, attempting to slow my breathing. But learning that he took something from the apartment just shot my blood pressure back up through the roof.

I’d drank as much during this investigation— even ignoring my night out with Annie at the start— as I normally did in a year but I still couldn’t escape the urge for a shot. It was barely mid-afternoon so I resisted the urge, but barely. ___

After getting the book number for Jessy, Jake (that still felt weird) let me know he’d found Poke’s number. I got nervous when he revealed I’d have to call rather than text— I was a millennial, that’s my actual nightmare— and a little frustrated when he seemed to minimize the risk to me again. At this point, he should know I’d stick around even when I’m scared. But it would be really nice to whine and be comforted for five minutes before handing my number over to a suspected criminal.

Still, I suspected that being comforting wasn’t particularly his style, and that even if he wanted to, he’d have very little reference for how to do it.

And there was no denying that of the two of us, I was the better choice for handling the people part. I mean, we were still screwed, but I kind of suspected I was the only person he’d managed to charm recently and I still wasn’t totally possible how he’s done that.

So I groaned, put on my big girl panties, and called. ___

A locksmith. All of this cloak and dagger bullshit over a locksmith. A clearly unethical one, but why the hell would they not just pretend like Thomas had lost his own key or something instead of acting like the sketchiest fucking losers alive?

I wasn’t proud of my past associations, but I’d seen drug deals discussed with more grace than these folks were handling an exchange with a perfectly legal business and an obvious cover story.

Not to mention, why the hell did Thomas not know where her spare key was if Cleo did? I wasn’t sure how long they’d been dating, but it was probably long enough for him to know where her spare key was.

For some reason, I started to suspect less that the culprit was either Dan or Thomas, mainly because they apparently made the stupidest damn criminals I’d ever met.

Hannah, your friends are going to be the death of me, I swear. ___

As the group chat exploded into drama over Phil, I groaned out loud. A fight was a long time coming, especially between Cleo and Jessy, but did it have to be now?

I was working when it started, trying to clear my inbox that I was sorely behind on dealing with. Several of the calls I’d reviewed today had serious violations and one of the clients took the negative feedback really poorly. I’d had enough yelling for this week, thank you.

Annie popped open a can of coke behind me and leaned over to look beyond my shoulder at my phone. I tried to casually block her from seeing, but she was tall enough to catch sight of it anyway.

“Hey is that Jessy? How is she?”

“Fine,” I muttered, locking my phone screen and trying to ignore the rapid-fire buzzing.

“What crawled up your ass?” She snarked, eying up my tense posture and tight expression.

“Nothing, Annie, I’m just trying to work and no one will leave me alone!” I snapped, pushing my keyboard away from me in frustration.

She threw her hands up in surrender. “Jeez, sorry, I was just trying to help.” She turned away from me, toward her room, and took a loud slurp of her coke as she walked. “Let me know when you’re less of a bitch.”

“Right,” I mumbled to myself, getting myself more settled into my chair. “Focus.”

The incessant vibration wouldn’t let me, though, and I realized that I wasn’t going to get anything done until it stopped. Sighing louder than necessary, I once again got involved in something that had no good reason to be my business.

I felt bad for being relieved when Jessy stormed off and things cooled down relatively quickly after that. I reminded myself to reach out to her later, even though I knew she wasn’t the sort who liked to be left alone while she was emotional.

The information about Phil was interesting, though. It wasn’t particularly a side of Hannah I’d heard anything about. But then, I’d only heard about her from people who loved her, and it already seemed like no one knew about her depression.

And boy didn’t I know the kind of questionable decisions depression could lead to. Not to mention, having learned that Thomas returned his key during a fight made me wonder exactly what their relationship was at the time of her disappearance. If they were broken up, maybe she’d been acting out her heartbreak in a way that would raise eyebrows in a small town.

I suppose she could have been taken by a partner after all. Just not the one we knew about.

At the same time, Phil’s comments bordered on the Nice Guy style bullshit I and my friends had heard so often after turning a guy down. Men love to call women sluts for not sleeping with them.

No, I was supposed to be focusing on work. Work. It was bad enough to put off responsibilities for a kidnapping case, it was another to instead speculate on a woman’s sex life when I’d never met her.

Yet I was glad Richy was going to talk to Phil.

I managed to get through about half a day’s work before my phone started again. Spy mode was getting old fast, I have no idea why Jake liked this shit. I just don’t care about other people’s crap this much. I don’t even want to deal with my own social life!

Though it did catch my eye to see that Jessy and Dan were going on a date. Hadn’t seen that one coming, she’d never shown much of a soft spot for him and Dan didn’t strike me as particularly romantic.

But maybe I was just bitter considering “are you single” was the hottest my current relationship had gotten so far.

So much for doing work, I griped and started logging out for the day. Once I started brooding over things with Jake, I was never going to get back on track. I’d learned that the hard way.

Pretending it wasn’t at all to talk to him, I made my way out to the garden and curled up next to a bush to start decrypting in the sun. ___

The sun had set by the time I managed to get anything, but for the first time the picture made me pause.

A Raven.

To be honest, a large part of me figured it was stupid kids. If this legend was as well known in the city as Jessy and Richy had implied, then it made sense for jagoff teenagers to run around marking things up with it. It was at least more creative than just doing penises like most of the graffiti I saw.

But it wouldn’t do to just dismiss it outright either.

In fact, the more I thought about it, the more intriguing it was. Because it didn’t matter if it was just graffiti. The how or why of it being there might be totally irrelevant.

But what made it important was that Hannah thought it was important.

I suppose she could have just thought it was cool, or maybe she was interested in the legend or wanted to show Jessy, who clearly had a strong interest in the macabre. But not long after she’d taken it, she’d supposedly been dragged into the woods by the man this symbol was meant to represent.

Had she been pursuing him rather than the other way round?

Trying to get around explaining to Richy and Jessy where I’d gotten the picture was a bit awkward. They seemed to know I was investigating on some level, and they knew I was in touch with Jake. But they hadn’t really put those things together or realized how deep I was digging, and I was pretty grateful for that. They would have to be offended on her behalf. I was offended on her behalf sometimes.

But like, the police would be doing it too, right? Going through her personal life and putting it under a microscope, analyzing every word she said and who she said it to. At least I wasn’t her neighbor, her pastor, or anyone she had to deal with regularly. That had to be a comfort, I hoped.

But I appreciated Jessy keeping Richy from asking more, either way. Her trust touched me, and made things much simpler for now. And processing this with someone other than Jake was strangely nice, despite how much I enjoyed talking to him.

Of course, then Richy had to get in a parting shot about where I got the picture. And the worst part is, he wasn’t even wrong. |___

The guilt of all— the hiding, the lying, the half-ignored responsibilities— it started weighing on me after that. Too much was at stake to back down now, but I could feel the suspicion pointed at me, and it was deserved.

I wasn’t above half-truths or even the occasional lie, really. Sometimes it was just easier and better for everyone if the truth went unsaid. But this was snowballing out of control and I didn’t know how to stop it.

So I confessed the only thing I could think of that might not ruin everything.

MC: Jake?

Jake is online.

Jake: Hello, MC. Jake: Is everything alright?

MC: I lied before. MC: And cheated.

I paused, trying to think of how to say it. Which I knew I should have considered before I even started the conversation, but planning wasn’t my strong suit when my emotions got the better of me.

Jake is typing…

Jake: To what are you referring?

Right. I’d gotten so used to him reading things and knowing what I meant before I said it that I just kind of assumed he knew what was going on in my head.

MC: The bet. MC: I’m sending your credits back.

After hitting enter, I quickly opened the app he’d sent me my winnings through and sent them all back. I hadn’t done anything with them, it felt kind of gross.

Jake: I appreciate your honesty, but I’m not sure I understand. You found the information more quickly than I could.

MC: Right, well. That’s because I already knew what SSRIs were for. I’ve been on them for years. MC: I’ve been depressed since I was a teenager. I don’t even know why I pretended. MC: I was just surprised you didn’t know already and then you were SO shocked and uncomfortable about Hannah and I got worried you’d think differently of me too so I just went with it.

He typed and erased several times, and my mind became a whirlwind of regret. Why was I doing this? He didn’t ask to hear all about my problems. It wasn’t like I’d conned him out of a huge prize. But I was so tired of lying, and lying to him felt especially wrong after he’d been letting me in.

Jake: MC, I never thought less of Hannah for her depression. I was upset to find out that she was suffering.

MC: It seemed like you were, I don’t know, struggling with your perception of her.

Jake: Not in a negative way, not toward her. And I am sorry that it made you feel like you had to hide or be ashamed in any way.

MC: I’m usually not like this with it, you know? I mean in high school I was, but that went super poorly so I made myself talk about it.

Jake: You do not have to talk about it if you’re not comfortable.

MC: No, I want you to know. It’s a part of my life. And really so much about me makes way more sense when you realize my brain doesn’t really do what it’s supposed to. MC: Sorry, dark humor is my main coping mechanism.

Jake: I had noticed.

MC: Yeah, it’s not particularly subtle. MC: And just so you know, I’m stable. The meds help, and I do therapy as needed. There are still bad days and stuff but that’s always going to be true. MC: That’s part of why I kept pushing about you realizing it was possible that Hannah had hurt herself, too. MC: Like you said, that’s not the case here since you saw it. But it does happen. And I know my friends and family were even more upset when something would happen because it caught them off guard.

Jake: Is that something

Jake is typing…

MC: Let’s save that conversation for another day, maybe?

Jake: Of course.

MC: But the good news is that maybe it means I can provide some different perspectives on things, right? Like that first cloud entry. MC: Really, I just have to hope that if I get kidnapped no one gives enough of a shit to sort through my stuff like this because there’s nothing good to be found in my sad folder.

Jake: “Sad folder”?

MC: Don’t even try, it’s super old and on a flash drive somewhere that hopefully fell out of whatever box I put it in when I moved here and got crushed by several cars.

Jake: How oddly specific.

MC: Fantasies are what keep a girl going, right? MC: Jake? MC: Thank you for listening.

Jake: :)

Jake: Thank you for your trust.

Jake is offline.

Later, after the third or so time that I re-read our conversation, I tried to work out exactly what it was that made trust so important to him. In our particular situation, we did need to trust each other to a point, but somehow it seemed bigger than that. It was like my trust was some precious trinket to him that he was grateful for each reminder of.

Admittedly, at times that trust felt a little bit more like blind faith, even toeing the line on being foolish. But my instincts told me that he was involved for the right reasons, even if sometimes his methods were at times a bit cold. ___

Somehow, maybe the drink I’d mixed while getting ready for my date with Jessy, it hadn’t occurred to me to think that Jake might have been reading along. I’d gotten used to it by that point, hell, sometimes it even felt reassuring. But it wasn’t until it had started winding down and he messaged me that I realized.

Jake: Hello, MC.

MC: Hello, Jake

He always greeted me so formally, it made me think of a handshake and firm eye contact. I chuckled, picturing us meeting for the first time with a handshake.

Shaking my head at myself, I looked down at my phone.

Jake is typing…

Here, he erased, paused, and started again.

Jake is typing…

After a few minutes of waiting, I started to get concerned.

MC: Is everything okay?

Jake: Did you enjoy your evening?

MC: So you were reading along again 😆

Jake: Yes, it seemed interesting that she chose to cancel her date to speak to you. I wanted to see if there was any information that could be useful to us.

MC: Well, did you see anything interesting?

Jake: Why do you believe that she made the decision to stay home and speak to you?

I wondered for a second if it bothered him. We’d never explicitly discussed my sexuality, and Jessy and my rapport sometimes played hopscotch with the line between bubbly and flirty in that way that every bisexual woman has been confused by at some point in their lives.

MC: Because I’m great 😎 MC: But also Dan kind of sucks

Jake: Regardless, I imagine she would have had a more enjoyable time going out rather than making small talk over orange juice.

MC: Depends on the company I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jake is typing…

MC: Did I make it weird again?

Jake: No. Jake: Of course not. Jake: A virtual date was simply a concept I was previously unaware of.

Jake never really spoke informally, but at least lately he’d seemed a little less… stiff. I groaned, suspecting that, despite his denial, I’d made it weird.

MC: Well MC: I think the voice distortion and hidden face might make it a bit more difficult for you MC: My mom did tell me not to talk to strange men online 😂

Jake is offline.

And there it is. Not surprising, that could easily have been viewed as an insult. Especially after we’d been seemingly getting closer lately. But my life had totally been taken over by strange men on the internet lately, so I considered it somewhat fair to at least acknowledge that it was weird.

MC: Look, sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. My mom WOULD be rather annoyed if she saw me now. But it’s not like this is even the worst thing I’ve done. MC: Really I think I’m mostly surprised that you haven’t had a virtual date before. MC: It seems like that’d be right up your alley. Computers and girls at the same time.

His status didn’t change after my messages, so after a few minutes I let myself bonelessly sprawl across the couch and sigh. I read through a few bullshit articles online, shared some memes on Facebook, and waited to see if he’d log back on. That had happened a few times, after he’d done whatever he needed to in order to get over the embarrassment, annoyance, or brain breaking I’d subjected him to. He did need me, to a degree, and as inconvenient as my personality was for him, it was more to his benefit to keep me sweet.

Which probably made me a bad person for taking advantage of that for my own amusement just a little. But he could well be using me to find his friend so at least we both got something out of it.

It took longer than usual for him to come back this time, maybe I’d really pissed him off. But around the time I’d started scrolling through some cat pictures on Reddit, he came back.

Jake is online.

Jake: My apologies, something needed my immediate attention. Jake: I don’t know how my small talk abilities didn’t make it abundantly clear, but I haven’t had the time or opportunity for many dates in the recent past, virtual or not.

My eyes widened a tiny bit. Personal information AND multiple contractions? The language was still very stiff, of course, but there was a tiny bit less formality than earlier. Maybe he wasn’t reading as closely before he hit send. Trying not to chicken out?

Pure speculation, but I liked the thought.

MC: Shame. They can be fun, even without the orange juice. MC: What with the pandemic and all, it was that or nothing, so I tried my hand at it a few times. MC: Nothing came of it but you know. It passes the time.

Jake: Is that where your ability to connect with the group without meeting came from?

Interesting question, even feeling a bit loaded. I’d already confirmed I was single, of course, and I’d said I liked him more than once by now. But that still left a lot of room between “hermit” and “almost having a partner”, and I wondered if he was trying to suss that out.

MC: Not entirely. Most of my friendships are online ever since I moved a few years ago. I’m not the greatest at initiating conversation so I’ve mostly stuck with keeping in touch with them. MC: Keeping and forming connections aren’t the exact same, but since this lot seems to keep me close because Hannah sent my number, it helps.

Jake: I refuse to believe that you aren’t good at initiating. Jake: Conversation.

Oh, that made me laugh. I wanted desperately to push a little harder on that one, but he’d already logged off once and I was really enjoying talking to him. I got up and poured myself another glass to help me relax a bit further, since the one from my date with Jessy had started to wear off.

MC: I’m actually very shy at first, believe it or not. It’s only once I get comfortable with someone that I become the giant pain in the ass you see before you.

Jake: Does that mean you feel comfortable with me?

MC: Clearly. That’s how transitive property works, right?

Jake: Are you sure that’s the transitive property?

MC: Nope, but it is now.

Jake: Haha. Jake: You are quite intriguing.

MC: Boy, you know how to charm a girl. I guess “intriguing” certainly isn’t the worst I’ve been called though.

Jake is typing…

He stopped. I again waited for him to log off, but after several long beats, he hadn’t. I decided to put him out of his misery a little.

MC: So how much were you able to dig up on me? I’ve been curious. MC: I can only assume by this point that you know more about me than I do.

If he was surprised or unnerved by the change in topic, he didn’t show it.

Jake: I looked, of course, before I gave you access to Hannah’s information and the spy mode. Jake: It was possible that the reason she had your number was because you were the culprit.

MC: Guess being across the world helped reassure you.

Jake: That was part of it. Jake: Additionally, everything I saw pointed towards you being a perfectly normal woman.

MC: Normal? You must be bad at your job, sir. MC: But you didn’t actually answer what you dug up.

Jake: No, I did not. Jake: But I suppose you deserve to know. Jake: As you’ve mentioned, I have access to your phone. That allowed me to find your social media profiles and email very quickly. Jake: You don’t list your job on social media, interestingly. Nor the last several.

MC: No way I’m making it easier for them to find the shit I say. MC: I’m not sure I’d get fired faster for the nerdy bullshit or the liberal rants.

Jake: It’s a good idea to keep those separate, of course. Jake: It still would not be impossible to find. Jake: But you also use a nickname on social media and your legal name for work. Jake: And separate emails. Jake: That helps as well.

MC: My, are you this thorough with everything you do? MC: But the analysis is good. Though I’m sure you still found more.

I grinned into my glass a little. There was a chance he wouldn’t pick up on the suggestion behind my comment, but I wouldn’t mind letting him stew on it just the tiniest bit if he managed to.

Jake: Of course. Being thorough is required in my line of work, so it’s part of my nature.

Damn. Just enough that he could still be talking about hacking. Or he could be volleying it back. And in order to know, I’d have to be more obvious. But I couldn’t let him win like that, so I decided to let it go for now.

MC: I’m not that easily deterred. If you found my work email, you found my LinkedIn.

Jake: Yes, of course.

MC: And knowing my email means you know the username for just about everything.

Jake: Yes.

MC: So, anything interesting?

Jake: Well, to be honest, once I’d found your socials and work information, I had enough to determine you were safe to contact.

MC: And I totally believe that someone we’ve established as being painstakingly thorough stopped there.

Jake: After some of our conversations where I revealed more details to you, I did look a bit further. I connected you to an old username it doesn’t seem you use any longer.

Oh, damn. I should have expected that, but suddenly realized just how many old profiles I had under that name. Everything from dating profiles, to forums, to fanfiction. It went back as far as middle school.

Jake: I stopped after finding an old Xanga and LiveJournal. At that point, it no longer felt appropriate.

Okay, maybe he didn’t find my RPG posts. I hoped.

MC: I would have thought you’d find those entertaining. I was pretty angsty and faux-deep. Almost as bad as my sad folder. MC: Loved me some sparkly HTML backgrounds. MC: I got them all from a source of course, we can’t all be geniuses, and I considered myself something of a writer at the time. Coding was never my thing.

Hopefully, leaning into the embarrassment would get rid of the blush on my face. Plus, the second glass of wine was certainly helping to loosen my lips, er, fingers.

Jake: To be totally honest, I was far too busy remembering my own teenage angst to focus too heavily on yours. Jake: I scrubbed my own profiles years ago.

I smirked.

MC: Hm, now I’m curious what you used. MC: You can’t be too much younger than me if Xanga and LJ brought you back. MC: But I guess you could still be a late MySpace, early Facebook user and still remember those. MC: I’d bet good money you got your hands on a computer young, and probably had even less oversight than I did.

Jake: Mmh, but I thought your mom told you to be afraid of internet strangers.

MC: But she also believed I’d listen. It’s like she didn’t even know me. 🤭 MC: You’re probably not even the worst stranger danger I’ve let myself get involved with.

Another pause, but this one felt a little more comfortable. Maybe he was curious and wondering if he should ask. Or maybe he was pondering the meaning of “get involved with”. Maybe he just didn’t know how to reply.

Still, this time felt rather friendly, like the last hour or so had relaxed something in us both. I had no idea if he was flirting back or just clueless, but I didn’t sense any discomfort beyond maybe uncertainty.

Jake: MC, I have to go. Jake: But thank you, I enjoyed this time.

MC: Hopefully it made good practice for your next virtual date. 😝

Why would I say that? And why did that thought bother me that badly? Of him taking our conversation and using it to charm someone else?

That’s not good.

Jake: We shall see. Jake: :)

Well, fuck.

Honestly, I probably could have dwelled on that for the rest of the night. But nothing sobers a girl up and jerks her out of daydreaming about men quite like a rapid fire confession of lawbreaking from someone who you thought hated you, discovery of a lead on a kidnapping case, and realizing that the initials on that same lead may well match the initials of the guy you were just daydreaming about.

After a nearly sleepless night, I would come to realize that nothing cleared up exhaustion quite like a threatening call and learning that someone you knew was barely clinging to life, either.

#duskwood fanfic #duskwood mc #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood fandom #duskwood #mc x jake #jake x mc #duskwood jake #duskwood jake x mc

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zumpietoo · 1 year ago

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Oh Myyyyyy.....

Well, OFC, Mr. 58 Seconds......your fave actual ship IS fanservice AND your dislike of Cole/Jughead is also loonggg been knew (even if you did curtail it a bit when you got to participate in an interview call with him.....)....

@glitta @colemsprouseupdates Zalben has me blocked, cuz I doooo have some weigh in, here.....

“Doing something else” was most assuredly NOT good for the show (and I say that as somebody who now ships Jabi, hard)----and certainly not for PP’s character (or acting)....but it wasn’t so much about “capitalizing on their IRL relationship” as that it’s why jizzy happened in the first place and then, ultimately, they did need to split them up.....because, in reality? It was neverrrr RAS’s plan, he’d been wanting to split them up for quite some time AND he didn’t like the pairing for a variety of reasons....

However, did he keep them together, largely---and even tried to rework it as/after they split? Sure.....but still, not his plan

@mdlucy errrmmm....nope. RAS’s OG plan was BAV triangle, with Slizzy as the sack, pining doormat....just like in the comics. PP, herself interviewed as much at first Comicon. Plus RAS can’t plan his next dump, let alone 7 seasons of a show. And neither “the writers” nor RAS “liked” them.....they became an onscreen couple cuz Barfie was such utter shit in the pilot/ep 2 AND SH’s IRL chemistry inspired things.....by your express argument, they’d never have been split up, let alone permanently, let alone casting a main entirely to play Jug’s new love interest, etc....

Nope, once they put them together, they WERE intended to “stay together”, so you’re both wrong. TBF, RAS did try to split them up (like early/mid season 2) and also sometimes had them with separate story arcs....but that was because they were always splitting up (PP slutting around, etc) and because RAS wanted them split....

However, again, simple fact is, they got together because IRL couple, they stayed together (on the show) because popular, they were ultimately split up because they split up, permanently.

So you’re both naive and not “the network”, but “the show”....

Errmmmm.....actually Pinkle was never the plan and became a couple entirely because of fanservice. Pussy only became a lesbian because MM didn’t want to have to kiss KokeJ ever again (wound up not working out there, either!). Plus, you’re assuming a lot of pointless shit, here.....dude, none of that was the OG plan, because, again, RAS can’t plan anything....and shows do couplings because that’s teevee shows.

And, again, nope, jizzy was never ever the plan and they split because SH broke up. And it’s precisely why (as was pointed out to all of you thru seasons 5 and 6) jizzy was neverrrr gonna happen again.

Yes, it was moar popular than Barfie, but, again, SH broke up and that’s why it never, ever happened again. And no, the writers most assuredly didn’t love jizzy....

Also season 5 wasn’t an AU, season 6 might or might not’ve been....and, regardless? They were split up before that. Dude, it’s all canon, time to get over it.

Simple facts, in summary:

Cole and PP became a couple, it inspired jizzy, which saved the show in season 1.

RAS neverrrr wanted that, only pretended he liked it/them/etc for fanservice and started trying, in various ways, to split up jizzy beginning in season TWO. If you rewatch w/o shipper goggles, it’s really obvious, in fact.

Seasons 3 and 4 actually have jizzy interacting minimally (as does the first entire half of season 2) because SH were always splitting up.....fact is, THEY only lasted that long as a couple because they were stuck in Vancouver, on a show together. Same reason everybody was “besties”, even tho we’d see them all interact really minimally during hiatus.

In season 4, SH went from rocky on/off to totally split up and the show ran with that.

Starting in season 5, shit was so acrimonious they cast an entirely new woman to be Jug’s love interest because they literally couldn’t be in the same room (and we do have that clip of PP throwing shit at Cole, as Jug, BTS in season 4 to support this, along with other stuff).

RAS had always wanted Barfie (and, again, a show all about everybody loves Douchie), so he ran with that....

Additionally, a LOT of the couples on the show were IRL couples largely at the same point and it was why it happened.....and they were split up when the actors split. Vagey (twice), Tolars/Minkle, etc....

No idea why it upsets any of you, the facts are on full display....and it’s precisely why there was never gonna be jizzy endgame.

Oh also? KokeJ never had a “crush” on Slizzy, he did have one on Cole, tho (probably still does!)----and even if he had? He was like 18 at the time so it has nothing to do with Barfie, currently....

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star-mum · 1 year ago

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Good morning babies <3 (“but it's literally the afternoon, Star” well nobody asked you, asshole) I got my breakie, I got my coffee, Spotify is blasting the FOB song of Sunny’s choice, lets fucking do this 😎

This is a fucking insane episode, it was really fucking good (it will be in my top 5 for season 4, I’m afraid) and also … WAS CYRUS PLAYED BY ARCHIE ANDREWS’ DAD ??????? MR ANDREWS ???? (i wanna say Fred Andrews ?)

Yes I know the actor, Luke Perry, was a lot more famous than that one character but I am 20 and that's the one thing I’ve seen him in (still he outsold in that fucking ep)

“You thought it would be an easy day. Maybe that was foolish on your part” well…. fucking duh, what did you expect when visiting a cult ? but also you’re me so I wont be too mean about it

“Benjamin Cyrus” OH YEAH ALSO, you’re gonna choose a new fake name for yourself and you go with BENJAMIN ??? Cyrus is cool as a first name, very cult-ish but Benjamin ??? LITTLE BENNY, THE CULT LEADER ???

“The rings.” YES !!! I fucking love this, fake dating ? NO, YOU FOOL MAKE MARRIAGE

“Make sure you put on the left hand.” …. As discreetly as possible Id wait for Spencer to put his ring on first to check which hand it is… im giFTED IN OTHER WAYS (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXrQA-x1cbU)

“Won’t Cyrus be even more angry if he finds out that it’s not true?” What is he gonna do? Demand to see the certificate?

“you didn’t find it surprising that Reid knew this fact right off the top of his head” little intermission cause I genuinely DON'T UNDERSTAND why everyone always seems so annoyed whenever Spencer either blurts out random facts or goes on full rants ? Like, yes timing isnt one of his strong suits but as long as it isnt a super innaproprieta time WHY ARE YOU ALL SO JADED ????? I love useless stupid rants, I love to be told random facts, it’d genuinely be so much fun to have someone around who just Knows Stuff

Like imagine not having a super great day (or even a terrible one) you can just go “hey Spence, know any facts that might cheer me up?” BOOM ! EVERYONE’S HAPPY !! Okay, sorry about that, intermission over. Everyone back to your seats

“So Spencer stepped up to introduce you” isn't Cyrus gonna question why we didnt take Reid’s last name ?

“Hearing him refer to you as his wife - you hated to say it, but it caused a jolt through your system” YEAH THAT CHECKS OUT

“How far from God’s word must we have strayed for there to be a need to invent a job called ‘Child Victim Interview Expert’” YOU TELL US OR SHOULD YOUR CHILD BRIDES ????

“how much intense, feigned passion you said these words with” putting my entire pussy into this role, lets go gamers

“completely surprising yourself, you leaned in and kissed Spencer on the cheek” to sell the fantasy ONLY obviously

“Benjamin Franklin” … imagine youre a cult leader and the fake name you pick for yourself is in honor of BENJAMIN FRANKLIN (idc that he’s founding father, that's just boring and uninspired)

“knowing that the two of you likely should have coordinated this story during the plane ride” KSKSKS WE WERE SO CONFIDENT ABOUT IT TOO “he wont find out” MA’AM

“Has it been a godly union?” … what does That mean ?

“Your wife didn’t take your last name.” I just “Jim”ed a non-existent camera (am I just… unbeatable …?)

“Hotch had only come up with the fake marriage idea the day before” I wonder why this super carefully made plan’s gonna explode on our faces (haha explode, get it?)

“A few hours later, everything had gone to hell” welp :/

“it wasn’t very difficult to pretend to be Spencer’s wife then”

“Which one of you is the FBI Agent?” can't we just put it on Nancy’s tab ? she’s already dead anyways :-:

“What? You think I wouldn’t know if - if my wife was an FBI Agent?” very good point, angel <3

“and you couldn’t help when you let out a wounded cry” this is like the opposite we’d always have to as agents, no the more real emotion the better

“It must have been Nancy!” FUCK YEAH WE CAN !!!!

“Perhaps I should strip you naked to ensure that you’re not wearing a wire.” I find comfort in knowing that his ass is getting blown up at the end of this : D

“Perhaps they didn’t see him as a threat” sksksk damn

“So I suggest you get that gun away from my wife before you and I truly have a problem.” I want him, biblically

“Your arms clutched desperately at his waist, needing to keep a hold on him” the yEARNING THAT I'M FEELING THIS WHOLE SECTION !! ITS A TERRIBLE AND INDESCRIBABLE FEELING

“You couldn’t hold yourself back then. You surged up and kissed him” YEEAAAHHHHH !!!! LETS GOOOOO !!!! howEVER sksksk we’re gonna get so much fucking grief from Morgan and Prentiss over this “a cULT HOLDING YOU A GUN POINT ?? THAT'S WHAT IT TOOK?”

“After the mock poisoning, which Spencer figured out rather quickly” not important but my sister watched this episode with me and I also figured that out – before her or Spencer, so point for me on the scoreboard

“If we tell them that you’re pregnant” I FORGOT ABOUT THIS PART (oh boy if you thought the yearning was hard before)

“You had gotten married and had kids all in one day. What a miracle” KSKSKSK SUNNY

“Your imaginary sperm is powerful, isn’t it?” KSKSKKSS

“Those were names he had lovingly chosen for your imaginary children” nothing like the fear of imminent death to bring out the embarrassing marriage!AU you have about you and your coworker

“You reached up and gently gripped his forearm in response, giving a light squeeze to show your approval. He leaned in and kissed the back of your head” dizzyingly is CORRECT cause I’m feeling light headed

Okay sorry, they’re acting so married and couple-y, I just had the vision of both of then getting back to where the rest of the team is still in that headspace and Hotch has to – after a long moment – ask for the rings back, cause they’re both still happily wearing them

“Hugo and Iris” I really wanna know the context for the name choices !! idk if this is something that Spencer mentioned further in the show or if there is a deeper meaning for you picking them, but I wanna know

“but you had come up with some much better – You said that you have a nursery here?“ fake miscarriage … ? ooohhhh okay no that was stupid nvm (I’ll be humble and leave it in tho SKSKSKS)

“needing to care for children lest your womb shrivel up and you die” SKSKSKS the comedy in this one is just next level, these lines are killing me

“Your plan worked flawlessly” never doubted myself for a second 🫥

““Where’s Reid?” Morgan easily asked you. “He’s still up at the church” Oh we’re kissing when he gets out, in front of everybody I can sense it (it’s my personal version of spidey senses, I can feel a good fanfic moment coming miles away)

“You had to tell yourself that Derek was going to get Spencer out” I mean… Derek also drove an explosive rigged ambulance to a self exploding space in like 2 minutes ?? there’s very little that man can't do

“you felt a sharp grip on your upper arm – L/N!” I always feel something akin to a tiny little baby static shock when my name’s just on shit (I always forget the extension is on)

“You’re so stupid, you’re so stupid! Why would you do that to me?” the most “Star” reaction of all time, thank you sm for this

“I love you too – The words flew from your lips so naturally it hurt” I can feel this in my bones and I don't know how to better explain it

“one of the most earth shattering kisses you had ever experienced” Spidey Senses, never wrong

“It was no longer a show” mA’AM– *deep breath* its okay, she’s still in denial, its fINE

Love Me Love Me by the Travelling Kisses started playing (mind you I put on my Spotify likes, so 1132 songs on shuffle) and I felt genuine pain for how perfectly it fit

“you simply flipped Derek off over Spencer’s shoulder” KSKSKSKS IS THAT PHOTO !! I CANT FIND IT BUT YOU’VE SEEN IT !!! EVERYONES DRAWING THEIR FAV HOMOSEXUALS IN THAT POSE

“JJ handed Derek five dollars” Damn JJ “Derek handed the fiver to Emily when she reminded him that the ‘fake marriage’ bit had actually been her idea” OH MY GOD OF COURSE !!!!

“he fake rings were just cheap costume jewelry that Garcia had gotten and they would tarnish soon if you kept wearing them” and we will have green ring marks on our fingers, happily

“I rewatched the canon episode and it doesn't 100% align with what happened in the episode in terms of the timeline and stuff” I literally just watched this weekend and I dont even remember much outside of the main plot points SKKSKSKS so I think it's absolutely fine

“I highly resisted the urge to end this with 'baby making' smut” which is both fair but also dear god it probably pained you to do so

OKAY !!! I just absolutely loved this !!!! I love the cheesy and angsty moments, also really fun episode to write fic “onto”, we already talked about this but I would love nothing more than make Spencer a father and he’d be SUCH A GOOD HUSBAND AND DAD IT KILLS ME

I definitely not going to deny baby making smut if it comes my way but I also agree this being its own cute little thing is very good (I’d honestly be more interested in a pt 2 following more of their relationship, than focusing more on the smut – which surprises the both of us I Know)

The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes

Spencer Reid x BAU!Fem!Reader

Summary:

While undercover inside the Separatarian Sect, you and Spencer realize something important: you can't live without each other.

Spencer Reid x BAU!Fem!Reader. Co-Workers to Lovers. Fake Dating. Hurt and Comfort. Set during Season 4, Episode 3.

Word Count: 8,200

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Full list of warnings and author's notes below.

Warnings: Lots of spoilers for the canon episode - so if you haven't watched Season 4 of Criminal Minds yet, steer clear of this fic for now (especially because watching the episode provides some context for this fic/makes things make more sense); the reader uses she/her pronouns and has the ability to get pregnant (she is not pregnant during the fic and there's no smut, but due to discussions in the fic, it's not unreasonable that she could get pregnant); fake dating in the form of a fake marriage - the reader and Spencer pretend to be married under the Christian religion to 'appeal' to Cyrus; because of the fake marriage, Spencer uses the term 'my wife' to refer to the reader; lots of mentions of religion (Christianity), religious extremism, mentions of pedophilia/child brides (in line with the canon episode); mentions of systemic sexism and gender roles enforced by cultures of organised religion and religious extremism; use of y/n and l/n (in this case meaning 'your last name'); the reader pretends to follow the Christian religion while undercover but I never stated if she believes in a less extreme version of these things or not (the reader's true religious beliefs are never stated); protective!Spencer, possessive!Spencer; mentions of Spencer being taller than the reader (which, again, I think he would be taller than most people) - the reader's body/body type is not described in any other way; mentions of guns and gun violence (not described in deep detail) - in line with the canon episode; the reader and Spencer fear for their lives; dangerous/live-threatening situations; the reader and Spencer are threatened with a gun; Cyrus is just generally creepy and sexist toward the reader; Spencer is pistol-whipped and the reader is threatened with sexual assault (it does not happen, Spencer protects her); mentions of pregnancy/the reader being pregnant (she is not pregnant during the course of the fic); mentions of the reader being a mother/having kids (Spencer makes up fake kids to sell their fake marriage story); the reader realizes she might actually want to be a mother because of Spencer's fake kids story; mentions of an explosion (as in the canon); love confessions; angst with a happy ending. Hopefully that is everything.

A/N: The title for this fic comes from a Fall Out Boy song of the same name. The theme/lyrics of the song don't really fit the fic, but I love the way that this title fits - how everyone in this fic is lying in some way but Spencer is someone with good intentions while lying. Making him the Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes. I love how it fits. I wrote this while suffering with heat exhaustion so idk if it's good or even makes sense. I rewatched the canon episode and it doesn't 100% align with what happened in the episode in terms of the timeline and stuff, and I am too tired to rewrite the whole fic to make it align with the episode. So uh - alternative canon? But I really love the basic concepts and I do really love how it turned out. I hope you guys like it too!

...

You thought it would be an easy day.

Maybe that was foolish on your part. So far, you hadn’t seen a single ‘easy’ day while working with the BAU. Between chasing down scumbags and then reliving every single gory detail while doing the paperwork - none of it was ‘easy’. It was worthy, accomplished work - making the world a safer place to live in. (At least that’s what you told yourself.) But it was never easy.

There was always someone who made the job easier. Someone who made you smile every single day - especially on days when you didn’t think you were even capable of feeling a tiny shred of joy. Someone who made you feel safe, who you always felt had your back no matter what. So you were glad that he was by your side today, along for the ride.

“Tell us about Cyrus.” Reid prompted.

He looked to the woman driving, your new companion for the day - Nancy Lunde, someone who worked with the state department and had set up the interviews with the children at the Separatarian Sect.

“Benjamin Cyrus. No criminal record. In fact, there’s no record of the guy at all.” Nancy explained.

“That’s odd.” You commented. “Usually someone being accused of something like this would have some past offenses. Especially because it would give him a reason to move into isolation to continue the criminal pattern of behavior.”

“Well, I couldn’t find anything on him.” Nancy shrugged.

“What about the 9-1-1 call?” You asked.

“A fifteen year old girl called in saying that a man was ‘laying with her’ and claimed it as ‘God’s will’. I believe the ‘he’ referred to is Cyrus.” Nancy explained. “The age fits with Jessica Evanson, but I’ve managed to negotiate interviews with all the children, just to be sure. It wasn’t easy.”

“They’re incredibly weary of outsiders.” You commented. “Our boss warned you not to identify us as FBI, right?”

Nancy nodded. “I got you some spare credentials, just in case.”

She took one of her hands off the wheel and reached into her pocket.

“You’re going to be using your real names. You’re going in as Child Victim Interview Experts working with Child Protective Services. No association with the FBI.” Nancy explained, handing Reid your fake credentials.

He nodded, inspecting the IDs before handing you yours where you were sitting in the backseat.

“Oh, before I forget.” You noted, reaching into the pocket of your cardigan. “The rings.”

You pulled out a small plastic bag that Hotch had given to you before you left. It was a bag containing a fake diamond ring in your size and a fake golden ‘wedding’ band for Spencer.

Reid reached over the seat to grab his ring from you, and Nancy gave the two of you an odd look.

“Rings?” She questioned.

“Fake wedding bands.” You explained.

“It was our Unit Chief’s idea.” Reid added on. “He believes that presenting us as a ‘godly’ married couple to Cyrus will make him more likely to open up to us. He’s less likely to see us as hostile outsiders if he believes that we share a similar system of beliefs.”

“It could also have a calming effect on the teenagers we have to interview or the kids there who have had more time to go through indoctrination at the Sect.” You continued to explain. “Even if their parents are hesitant to let the kids speak with us, they may be more willing to have their child speak with us or even leave them alone with us if they believe that we’re fellow Christians, rather than hostile atheists there to poison their children’s minds.”

Reid nodded at you through the rearview mirror.

“Make sure you put on the left hand.” He told you. “That’s the position for marriage.”

You nodded at this.

You placed the ring in the appropriate position, and you couldn’t help but to take a moment and stare at it. It was jarring to have a wedding ring on - especially with the thought that it represented you being married to Spencer. But you supposed, of all the people to call your husband, he would be one of the best. He was honest, intelligent, kind, and… if you were pressed, you would definitely say he was handsome.

But you couldn’t get too caught up thinking about all of that. Because it wasn’t real. It was a false projection you were wearing for the benefit of a self inflated sociopath.

Spencer liked the feeling of the ring. He didn’t take too long to stare at it after he had put it on, because he knew his mind would wander if he did. When Hotch had first proposed the idea of the two of you pretending to be married, Spencer had almost tripped over himself to oppose it - mostly because he didn’t think that he would be able to handle simply pretending to be your husband for the day. It was just too cruel.

Having something he wanted so badly dangled right in front of him and knowing that it was all just a farce - it bothered him, but he delighted in the play nonetheless.

When he caught the fake gold glinting in the light, Spencer had to remind himself that it was fake - that you would just be playing his wife for the day. He had to push back any internal glee that he felt at the idea that he got to be ‘taken’ by you while wearing that ring. It wasn’t real. It was just for the day.

“Isn’t that deceptive?” Nancy asked. “Won’t Cyrus be even more angry if he finds out that it’s not true?”

“He won’t find out.” You replied confidently. “And besides, we use deception in interrogations all the time. It’s a very basic tactic: align yourself with the suspect. Make them think you share the same beliefs, that you’re on their side.”

Reid grinned at this. He always loved it when you spoke so confidently.

…

“We’re looking for Mr. Benjamin Cyrus.” Nancy announced as the three of you got out of the car.

“Then you’ve found him.” Cyrus announced confidently.

He was pretty much what you had expected him to be - dressed informally, slouched over, faking meekness, holding a bible near his chest as though it were a shield. He had planted himself there purposefully, wanting to be the first person to interact with the outsiders as three of you came into the Ranch.

You hovered back near Spencer, letting Nancy make the first introduction.

“I’m Nancy Lunde.” She said, giving a small nod toward the man. “We spoke on the phone regarding the allegation.”

“‘Savages they call us, because our manners differ from theirs.’” Cyrus rhymed off a quote, obviously positioning himself and his group as martyrs being attacked for having ‘different ways’ that the world simply didn’t understand.

“We didn’t come here to hear you cite scripture, Mr. Cyrus.” Nancy reminded him, hoping to keep the religious zealot on track.

“Actually, it’s Benjamin Franklin.” Reid corrected her, talking about the quote.

That did surprise you, but you didn’t find it surprising that Reid knew this fact right off the top of his head. It was just one of the many amazing things about him - his perfect memory and his ability to use it.

Of course, him saying this immediately drew Cyrus’ attention toward the two of you. So Spencer stepped up to introduce you.

“Hello, I’m Spencer Reid, and this is my wife, Y/N L/N.” He said motioning toward himself and then to you as he introduced the two of you. Hearing him refer to you as his wife - you hated to say it, but it caused a jolt through your system. Almost as if you had been waiting forever to hear him say those words and hadn’t even known it yourself. “We’re Child Victim Interview Experts, here on behalf of Child Protective Services.”

Of course, you couldn’t get too caught up in deciphering how those words made you feel, because you had to focus on the task at hand. The job that you were here to do.

“How far from God’s word must we have strayed for there to be a need to invent a job called ‘Child Victim Interview Expert’.” Cyrus said, his tone even, quiet.

You knew that covertly, it was his way of saying that the two of you didn’t belong there, because he ran the Ranch with God’s word, so nobody had actually been harmed (in his opinion). He believed that he had done nothing wrong. Obviously, he thought your time and resources were better spent with ‘actual’ victims who didn’t have his power wielded over their lives.

“I can assure you, Mr. Cyrus, we try to bring God into our work.” You told him, trying to appeal to him. “The children we visit usually need prayer and God’s light the most.”

Spencer gave you a sideways glance, clearly holding back a grin at how thick you were pouring it on - how much intense, feigned passion you said these words with.

“Well, I can assure you that a lack of prayer and God’s light is certainly not an issue for the children here.” Cyrus said, giving you a clever little grin. He thought that you would simply interview the children, praise him for what a good job he had done, and then leave. “You can go and see the children whenever you like. They are up at the school, as I indicated in our phone call.”

Nancy walked toward the school, and you paused before you followed.

Before you walked off, you looked to Spencer. In a completely silent conversation that only worked so well because the two of you had been in so many tense situations before, thinking around UnSubs and planning miles around them before they could even know it, he gave you a small nod and you instantly knew what it meant. He had established a small bit of trust with Cyrus, so he would stick back and see what else he could get out of the man.

You nodded back, and then - completely surprising yourself, you leaned in and kissed Spencer on the cheek. You were just playing the part, you told yourself. It’s not that it felt entirely instinctive to say goodbye to him with some kind of affection, like the many hugs you had given him before. It’s not that you felt so entirely scrutinized with Cryus’ piercing eyes on you, and you needed the anchor of Spencer’s touch.

You were just playing the part.

Spencer tried not to get caught on being kissed on the cheek like he was some blushing virgin, and instead, focused his attention back on Cyrus instead of watching you walk away. (Even though every single one of his instincts told him that he needed to keep a more careful eye on you because you both had to leave your guns in the car.)

He took a step closer to where Cyrus was leaning on the concrete, and easily picked a topic of conversation.

“Solar panels.” Reid said, motioning to the large devices sitting behind Cyrus on the grass.

“Yes.” Cyrus nodded. “We’re completely self-sufficient here. Food, electricity, water. Benjamin Franklin said ‘God helps those who help themselves’.” He explained. “You look surprised.”

“No, uh, impressed, actually.” Reid easily lied, trying to appeal to his ego.

“Thank you.” Cyrus said. “Most men wouldn’t admit that.”

“Well, I suppose that I’m not like most men.” Reid shrugged in return.

“How long have you been married?” Cyrus asked, motioning toward Reid’s ‘wedding ring’.

Reid panicked slightly, knowing that the two of you likely should have coordinated this story during the plane ride to Colorado so that your answers to these simple questions wouldn’t be different. But he just made up an answer and hoped that nobody else would ask you the same question and find out the deception.

“Three years.” He said. “I’ve been very blessed.”

He used the language purposefully, knowing that the simple phrase could get him on Cyrus’ good side. That, and he hoped it would draw the attention away from any possible signs of his blatant lie.

“Your wife is very beautiful.” Cyrus commented.

He gave a wicked smirk as he said this. It was a simple, fairly ‘innocent’ comment, but it was immediately off-putting to Spencer. It took everything in his body not to glare daggers at Cyrus or throw out some protective comment in return. He could only imagine what was going through Cyrus’ mind as he thought about you, and he hated even imagining it.

Reid knew that it was a basic logical good, the instinct to protect you because you were his partner on this case and he was supposed to have your back. But it was also something more. Something in every fiber of his being that screamed you were his and no man should ever be thinking of you that way except for him.

“Has it been a godly union?”

He was lucky when Cyrus spoke again and distracted him from his mounting rage.

“We try to be as godly as we can be.” Spencer took the simple, diplomatic answer.

“Your wife didn’t take your last name.” Cyrus pointed out.

Nancy had used your name on your false credentials because Hotch had only come up with the fake marriage idea the day before. There hadn’t been time to inform her about it and have ‘Reid’ put on your ID as your ‘married’ name. So he had introduced you by your name to keep everything consistent with the reuse.

It did make Spencer wonder if you would keep your last name if the two of you ever did get married. It made him almost dizzy, thinking about you as ‘Mrs Reid’. Thinking about your kids having his name. Or your name, if that’s what you wanted.

But naturally, he pushed past all those thoughts and formed an excuse.

“Typically, married women aren’t very well perceived in our line of work.” He quickly excused. “She doesn’t even get to wear her ring that often. She couldn’t change her name on paperwork at our office because a working married woman… it’s heavily frowned upon.”

“Well, I’d have to agree.” Cyrus grunted. “A woman shouldn’t be out working. A woman should be at home raising a family.”

“I - I suppose you’re right.” Reid agreed through gritted teeth.

He walked away toward the school before he got too angry again.

…

A few hours later, everything had gone to hell.

Some authority - the police, the military, you didn’t even know - had charged into the Ranch shooting. In response, Cyrus and his followers had come into the school toting large semi-automatics asking you and Spencer if you knew about a raid.

You didn’t. You wish you had known about a raid. You would have warned Hotch and gotten them to call it off. You certainly would not have been there while it was happening.

When they had pointed those guns in your face and forced you into the tunnels - it wasn’t very difficult to pretend to be Spencer’s wife then. Cowering in the bunker, confused and scared, you flung your arms around his waist almost instinctively, and he buried his nose in the top of your hair as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders like a shield, promising you that everything was going to be okay.

Whispered to you like that, coming from him - it was almost easier to believe. Even with the chaos going on around you and the fear pumping through you in response.

Nancy had run off trying to get them to surrender and did not come back. You had a feeling that you knew what that meant.

And now, with the kids from the school ‘evacuated’ into the church, you were being held in the cellar at gunpoint. They had forcefully separated you and Spencer, making you sit in chairs at opposite sides of the room.

Spencer was fidgeting. His eyes kept flickering from the door, to you, to the man standing beside you holding the very large gun.

You knew that you had ugly tear tracks down your face, and oddly enough - you wanted nothing more than to be back in his arms. As you were forced to sit there, just a few feet across the room away from him - you ached for it.

There was a very large possibility that you were going to die today. And you selfishly needed the comfort of being in the arms of someone familiar - someone safe. Someone you knew would never hurt you. Someone who had made you laugh with dumb science jokes and puns for the last five years that you had worked together with him.

When Cyrus charged back into the room with two men flanking his sides, you and Spencer stiffened up once again.

“God will forgive me for what I’m about to do.” Cyrus announced to the room, presenting a handgun from his belt.

Your insides quaked, and Spencer’s eyes grew wide.

You couldn’t contain the fearful whimper that erupted from the back of your throat when he raised that gun and placed it near the middle of Spencer’s forehead. You clasped a hand tightly over your mouth to keep yourself from crying out in protest, knowing that would only make things worse.

“Which one of you is the FBI Agent?” Cyrus asked firmly.

Which ‘one’?

So he knew that you were undercover, that you had lied about your job titles - but he thought that only one of you had done so. Where the hell was he getting his information?

“I - I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Spencer told him quietly, looking him in the eye the entire time.

You hoped that his stutter could be passed off as nervousness from the gun being pointed in his face, and wouldn’t be pointed to as deception.

“Which one of you is it?” Cyrus pressed.

“We are not FBI Agents.” Spencer said, more confidently this time. “We are Child Victim Interview Experts. We were only sent here to ensure the wellbeing of the children. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Well, that last part wasn’t a lie.

“You’re lying.” Cyrus told him, entirely confident in this. “God expells those who lie, devils in sheep’s clothing.”

There was a tense moment, and then Cyrus cocked the gun.

Spencer didn’t flinch. You resisted the urge to scream.

“Proverbs 12:22 says: ‘The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.’” Cyrus said, actually citing scripture this time.

He was giving Spencer one last chance to tell the truth. As if using the bible verse to say that his punishment would be lesser if he simply told the truth now.

Spencer didn’t take the bait.

“I’m not lying.” Spencer said firmly. “What? You think I wouldn’t know if - if my wife was an FBI Agent? This is the woman I wake up next to every single morning, the woman I go to sleep next to every single night, we work together every single day, we-”

Cyrus interrupted Spencer’s ranting with a sharp hit to the face, pistol whipping him across the cheek.

This caused Spencer to go flying off the chair, and you couldn’t help when you let out a wounded cry. It took everything in you not to jump out of your own chair and rush to Spencer where he had collapsed onto the ground, clutching his cheek.

“Someone is going to tell me the truth.” Cyrus said gruffly.

“It must have been Nancy!” You said, the idea finally popping into your head.

You seemed to be more clever with the pressure of Spencer’s life being threatened. Cyrus stared you down, turning his attention fully toward you now. You caught Spencer’s eye for a moment and he gave you a small nod - as if to say ‘yes, keep going with that’.

“The woman we came in with! Nancy!” You reasoned, continuing to point the finger at the woman you had to assume was dead. “We - we just met her today. Our boss introduced us to her, but we had never met before that. If she was FBI, we had no clue. We swear.”

Cyrus turned to you then, and tightly pressed the barrel of his gun into your forehead. You could feel the imprint of it so tight in your skin that it hurt, and you could only lean away so far before threatening to knock the chair backwards.

“It’s very convenient to pin this crime on someone who isn’t here.” He grunted at you.

“It’s the truth.” You sniffled out quietly.

“Hmm.” Cyrus hummed thoughtfully, and then, much to your surprise, he removed the gun barrel from your forehead.

You barely had a moment to breathe in relief before he began skimming the gun down your neck, touching the metal whisper-gentle across your bare skin - clearly taunting you. It was something that made your whole body stiff with alarm, and caused Spencer’s eyes to go wide once again.

“Perhaps I should strip you naked to ensure that you’re not wearing a wire.” Cyrus said, teasing the gun along the buttons at the front of your cardigan.

You held back a sob at the thought of it - at the idea that he could make you do almost anything for the fear of you being shot. Truthfully, you were more afraid of what he might do to Spencer if you didn’t comply, but it was all the same in your mind now. His life was just as valuable as yours, and you would do whatever it took to protect him.

Before Cyrus could take these threats any further, a heroic voice intervened.

“That’s enough!” Spencer yelled.

He gathered himself off the floor and oddly enough, none of the men moved to stop him as he came to stand beside Cyrus. Perhaps they didn’t see him as a threat. Perhaps it was because Cyrus didn’t bark any orders at them to stop him. He was entirely unflinching, keeping his focus on you and keeping his gun held between your breasts as Spencer crowded into his personal space, trying to press himself between you and the awful man.

“We’ve told you everything that we know.” Spencer told him lowly, his voice heaving with well controlled anger. It was something that you had rarely ever heard from him.

Cyrus kept his eyes locked on you, so Spencer continued.

“We don’t know anything about the FBI - we have a simple job advocating for children who have been abused. That is it. We came here to investigate a most likely false claim against someone in your community and we truly didn’t mean to get caught up in all of this.” He said firmly, clearly trying to appeal to Cyrus. “So I suggest you get that gun away from my wife before you and I truly have a problem.”

Spencer’s voice was dark, so thick with rage. More pent up rage than you had ever heard from him when he was talking to any suspect, people who had done the worst of the worst. Something about Cyrus threatening you had truly boiled his insides.

The way he said the words ‘my wife’ - growling it out like he was a feral animal and this threat to you had activated every single one of his protective instincts. Hearing it made something inside of you yearn for him on such a deep level that you didn’t know was possible. You wanted to feel that kind of protection cast over you every single day. It made you feel invincible, having Spencer watch over you like that.

Cyrus lowered the gun then, and Spencer grabbed your arm as you dissolved into hysterical tears. Instinctively, he lifted you up into his arms. You thought that you heard Cyrus mumble out ‘my apologies’ as he left the room - but he was barely on your radar. Your entire world became narrowed down to nothing but Spencer, your safety net as he built a wall of protection around you.

He used his height to block you from seeing anything but him, letting you push your face into his chest as you cried. He wrapped you in his arms once again, letting you feel truly safe for a few moments as you sobbed into the fabric of his sweater. Your arms clutched desperately at his waist, needing to keep a hold on him - needing to ensure that he didn’t leave you.

“Hey, shh. Shh. It’s okay.” He said, leaving gentle kisses on the top of your forehead and your hair, rubbing across your back with one hand, comforting you in the only way he could in those moments. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Of course, he wanted to break down too. But he had to be strong for you.

“Spencer,” You called his name in an utterly wounded voice, pulling away from his chest to look up at him.

When you saw his injury up close - a sharp, purple-red bruise that was blooming across his cheek, it looked so utterly painful. Your insides ached at the thought that he had taken a blow for you. You hated to imagine what more they could have done to him if they had not believed your lies.

You instinctively reached a hand up to touch it and he caught your fingers halfway, instead, gently grasping your hand and laying it on his chest. The intimacy felt so oddly rehearsed - so worn in, so ‘normal’. It felt like you had been married to Spencer for years. Like it wasn’t a play at all.

Your two souls had been calling out to each other for years, just waiting for the dam to break. But you couldn’t quite put it into words - not like that.

“It’s okay.” He said quietly, knowing you were horrified by the injury.

He was so gentle, so comforting, so calm. Everything the men pointing guns at you were not. Unlike Cyrus - Spencer Reid was a true blessing from God.

You couldn’t hold yourself back then.

You surged up and kissed him, fully embracing his mouth with yours in a kiss. Though it was so sudden, it was something he easily returned. The kiss so full of urgency, so needy, so passionate. Like he was trying to tell you that it was okay, that he would protect you no matter what.

He would protect you because you belonged to him.

In those moments, the two of you were basically alone. One of Cryus’ men was guarding the door, watching on boredly. But Cyrus was off in the church, funneling people in to prepare for his ‘loyalty’ test. It didn’t matter if he saw you kissing or not - it wouldn’t have sold the reuse of you being married any better.

This was just for the two of you. This was comfort.

When you pulled back from the kiss, Spencer looked stunned, almost as if he couldn’t believe what had happened. You didn’t give him time to question it.

“Thank you.” You said quietly.

It was twofold:

Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for giving me comfort.

Spencer didn’t have too much time to marinate in the meaning of the kiss before Cyrus’ men came back and fetched the two of you, wanting you to observe the loyalty test.

…

After the mock poisoning (which Spencer figured out rather quickly, making you admire his cleverness once again), Cyrus kept you and Spencer in the church with a few of his closest, most loyal followers while all of the low level followers dispersed back to their homes.

You and Spencer were lingering in the back quietly while Cyrus was on the other end of the room, talking to his men about how to proceed. The plans for their ‘final stand’.

“We need to get some kind of signal to the others.” Spencer whispered quietly. “Maybe they’ll take pity on you and let you go if-” He swallowed sharply, cutting himself off abruptly. Oddly enough, he didn’t want to voice whatever was on his mind.

“If what?” You probed. You wondered what the hell you could possibly be thinking.

“If we tell them that you’re pregnant.” He said, whispering so lowly that you almost didn’t catch the words.

You rolled your eyes sharply at this.

You had gotten married and had kids all in one day. What a miracle.

(In those moments, clouded by fear, you couldn’t see it for what it truly was - Spencer blatantly revealing his unconscious desires to have a baby with you.)

“We could convince them to release you. As a show of good faith. A pregnancy would be good leverage in that. You know how religious people are about fetuses-” Spencer reasoned.

“Yeah, and what if they give me a test?” You probed, punching a large hole in his logic. “We don’t know what kind of infirmary they have here. They obviously believe in modern technology. What if they want to give me an ultrasound to check on the fetus after the stress of the day? To prove that they did no harm to the precious unborn child,”

Spencer was easily caught on this point. If they examined you and found that you weren’t pregnant, all the lies would fall apart.

“Well… what if we tell them that you have a baby at home that you need to get back to?” Spencer reasoned, jumping to the next logical conclusion in his mind. “It’ll likely garner the same level of pity.”

“Your imaginary sperm is powerful, isn’t it?” You whispered back sharply. Spencer rolled his eyes this time. But he didn’t redact the plan as unreasonable, so you continued on. “Okay, what do I even do when I get out there? I’m not gonna be of any use to the tactical team. We don’t know what Cyrus’ final play is yet.”

Truthfully, you couldn’t bear to be separated from Spencer. Knowing that he was inside, potentially being beaten up more, potentially being shot and bleeding out from a wound without you knowing - it would kill you with stress. You need to be by his side. You needed to know that he was okay.

“Has God blessed your union with any children?” Cyrus appeared behind you suddenly.

You wondered if he had heard you say the word ‘pregnancy’ or if this was just a random topic that had come up in his mind.

His sudden appearance behind you caused you to whip around and crowd into the comfort of Spencer’s arms again because you were frightened. Naturally, Spencer wrapped his sheltering touch around your shoulders. Your back was gently pressed into Spencer’s front, his arm shielding you protectively as it was wrapped around your chest, holding you with his hand on one of your shoulders, unconsciously stroking his thumb across the fabric of your cardigan. The position had you both facing Cyrus, watching the fan in an offensive way.

And of course, Spencer didn’t miss a beat.

“Yes.” Spencer answered easily. “We have two kids at home. A boy and a girl. Iris and Hugo. Iris is almost three years old and Hugo is eleven months. His first birthday is coming up in June.”

You knew that Spencer could be very good at talking off a suspect’s ear under pressure, but when you heard him rattle off these ‘facts’ so easily, it hit you.

This wasn’t simply statistics or physiological knowledge - this was a very elaborate backstory for your supposedly real marriage. Perhaps he had thought about all of it on the car ride up (which was odd not to share it with you, in case Cyrus asked you a similar question and your answer didn’t match up with Spencer’s).

But if you weren’t mistaken, this wasn’t simply a backstory for your fake marriage during the undercover mission. This was a fantasy of his. Those were names he had lovingly chosen for your imaginary children - kids he had dreamed up in his head and wanted to be real.

Your heart ached at the thought of it. You found yourself missing a set of children that weren’t even real. (And distantly, wanting to jump his bones to make it a reality.)

“Tell me, Mr. Reid, would you find it so shameful for your daughter to marry young?” Cyrus asked.

You found it odd to hear Cyrus call Spencer ‘Mr. Reid’, but you realized that he hadn’t introduced himself as ‘Doctor’ in this setting. You held your tongue when you felt the need to correct him as you had so many other people, wanting Spencer to receive his proper title.

Your mind almost couldn’t focus on the question that Cyrus had asked. Of course, he was trying to get Spencer to stroke his ego once again. Basically admitting that the whole reason the two of you had come here was true - he was being vastly inappropriate with a young member of the church, and getting away with it. And he saw nothing wrong with it.

And he was trying to get an outsider to admit that he saw nothing wrong with it too.

When there was a moment of silence - Reid obviously torn on how to answer the question, Cyrus continued.

“Is there really something so wrong with a blooming young woman marrying a man who will protect her under God’s laws?” He probed, his voice so entirely confident. Clearly confident that he was right.

“Well, I’m not sure if I would let my daughter get married so young.” Reid said, finally speaking up. “I just know that I would want her to marry a man that would protect her, and be the best possible fit for her. Someone who would cherish her and be good to her no matter what.”

His answer made you swoon. You reached up and gently gripped his forearm in response, giving a light squeeze to show your approval. He leaned in and kissed the back of your head - dizzyingly, you were imagining him walking your imaginary daughter down the aisle before you had even gotten married yourself.

Maybe it was being so close to death, being threatened in such dangerous territory that was causing your life to accelerate at light speed in your mind. If you were going to lose everything, you might as well enjoy the escapism of a fake life with a beautiful man in your mind instead of being stuck on the heart pounding terror of being held hostage, right?

Surprisingly, his words drew a smile from Cyrus.

“You’re a protective father, aren’t you?” Cyrus asked.

“Of course.” Reid confirmed.

“I can always admire that in a man.” Cyrus nodded. “A man should always pride himself on protecting his family.”

There was another moment of pause, and you were hoping that the topic had been dropped completely.

“Do you have a picture of your children with you?” Cyrus asked.

You wondered if - in a different version of reality, where you and Spencer really were married, where Hugo and Iris really did exist - if you had a picture of them in your pocket, would Cyrus only be asking this so he could use the picture to taunt the two of you? What other purpose would he have for knowing what your children looked like?

“Unfortunately, no.” You answered. “I keep my family pictures on my desk. In my office. We - we’ve just been praying to get back to them safely.”

Cyrus seemed perturbed at you mentioning that you had an office. Something dark flickered over his features for a moment and then disappeared.

“Well… if it is right, God will grant you that safe passage.” Cyrus said.

Just when you truly thought the conversation was done, he said something to you that entirely grinded under your skin.

“I find it entirely odd that a mother of two young children spends her days working a job where she takes care of other people’s children, rather than staying at home with her own youngins where she belongs.”

He said, using that same entirely confident, righteous tone that he always did. Even though you were not really a working mother, you had a hard time not boiling with anger at the sexism ripe in his statement.

“How much must you be missing of your sweet angels lives to instead partake in the horrors of devils you shouldn’t have to witness.”

Of course.

You had a hard time not rolling your eyes at this or saying something harsh that would set him off. Instead, you reached up to Spencer’s arm around your shoulder, squeezing his fingers, trying to keep your patience.

“I’ll have you know that Y/N is an amazing mother.” Spencer piped up, knowing that Cyrus respected him enough as a man that he wouldn’t beat him simply for speaking up. “Her nurturing and caring makes her infinitely better at her job.”

Again, you knew that there was so much personal truth in Spencer’s words. He thought that you would make an amazing mother to his children - at least theoretically. He was entirely firm in that conviction. And he thought that your natural caring made you amazing at the job you did as a Profiler. He knew this from the quality of work he witnessed you doing every single day.

You didn’t know it - but it was just one of the many things that had caused him to fall in love with you.

Oddly enough, Cyrus’ words prodded at something deep inside of you. It made you imagine a life for yourself where you weren’t spending your days witnessing horrors from unspeakable devils - but instead, at home, looking out for Spencer’s imaginary children.

You would have said it was the fear of the day, clouding your mind. But maybe it was the clarity of being so close to death that made you realize what - and who - you truly wanted out of life.

…

Hours later, after some of the hostages had been released (the ‘non-believers’ who had failed the loyalty test), Cyrus had requested that some food be sent up. Spencer gave you a sharp look when he saw the message written on one of the takeout lids.

The team would be storming in to end the hold-out at 3am. You had to somehow ensure the safety of the hostages by then.

Obviously, the fake pregnancy idea was still warping through Spencer’s mind, but you had come up with some much better.

“Cyrus,” You called out his name gently, getting his attention. “You said that you have a nursery here?”

It had come up, during his long winded bragging about how perfect the Ranch was. Something about how mothers didn’t have to raise their children alone. The children were raised as more of a ‘group effort’ and women took ‘shifts’ in the nursery, allowing the women to rest or get chores done in the interim.

“Yes, we do.” He nodded.

Spencer stared at you with his jaw set, wondering what you were doing but not daring to speak.

“I - I’ve been missing my children dearly. I was wondering if I could go to your nursery and see if they need any help? It would do my soul good to be around young ones right now. After all the commotion of these days.” You spoke meekly, trying to play the part of the shaken up, dainty woman well.

Which was too difficult, seeing as you were playing up the fear you had already experienced.

He grinned. It was a rather menacing smile, and you tried your hardest not to show any further fear, or disgust.

“That sounds like a splendid idea.” He nodded. “Christopher, why don’t you escort her down to the nursery and then come back? We need you here for our final preparations.”

You were finally falling to those gender roles that he had been pushing on you since you had arrived. He didn’t suspect a thing. He simply thought that you were a God fearing woman falling to your natural womanly instincts, needing to care for children lest your womb shrivel up and you die.

Spencer rose from his seat and Cyrus stopped him.

“Just your wife.” He said, putting a hand in front of Spencer’s chest to stop him. “There are still some things you and I need to discuss. Man to man.”

You went over to Spencer and didn’t hesitate to plant a kiss firmly on his mouth, which he returned with vigor. This one lasted only a moment - it was something precious for the two of you. You didn’t need to put on some pointed show for the men in the room.

“It’s okay.” You told Spencer quietly, brushing your fingers gently over his uninjured cheek.

You could tell that he was dying to ask you what your plan was. But he kept the words trapped in his throat, unable to speak in front of the many temperamental villains lurking about.

“Come on.” Christopher grunted.

Spencer gave you a longing look as you left. He didn’t want to think it, but as he watched your figure retreat out the door, he feared that it would be the last time he ever saw you.

…

Your plan worked flawlessly.

Getting to the nursery meant that you had unsupervised access to the women and children, especially away from Cyrus’ prying ears. Because you were a ‘delicate’ woman, nobody suspected you of having ulterior motives. You easily found a crack in Kathy, Jessica’s mother. You spotted her as the one who had made the original 9-1-1 call, wanting to get her daughter away from Cyrus. You convinced her to help you get everyone out, and you felt intense relief when you were met with a familiar face in the cellar as everyone escaped through the tunnels.

“Where’s Reid?” Morgan easily asked you, glancing behind your shoulder as if waiting for him to appear.

“He’s still up at the church.” You told him. “I had to separate off to help get the women and children out-”

“Go on, we have to get you out!” Morgan urged, trying to gently usher you along.

“We have to go get Reid!” You argued, trying to turn around.

“Go, go on, I’ll go get Reid!” He told you.

You were about to argue back, but you were cut off by a scuffle behind you.

Jessica was yelling about Cyrus - how her mother had betrayed her, tricked her.

Morgan pushed Kathy toward you and ran off screaming for Jessica. You took Kathy’s arm, gently convincing her that everything was going to be okay as you guided her the rest of the way out. You had to focus on this, convincing yourself that everything was going to be okay. You had to tell yourself that Derek was going to get Spencer out - that they were both going to be okay.

When you got outside, you were hyper focused on marching away, taking a path away from the church as directed by the officers in charge. You froze in your tracks when you heard it - an earth shattering boom. The ground beneath your feet shook. You felt a puff of hot air swell to touch your back.

You let go of Kathy’s arm and whipped around, and you couldn’t even pay attention to where she went. You almost thought you heard her weeping, but your mind couldn’t process it as your eyes were glossed in bright orange flame.

It was the church.

“Spencer?” You gasped quietly. “Spencer!”

You couldn’t help it, but you began to run toward it. Your feet carried you faster than you could think, and before you got more than a few feet across the ground, you felt a sharp grip on your upper arm.

“L/N!”

Hotch’s voice, sounding far too distant for the position he held right behind you, viciously gripping onto you as you fought against him, trying to get toward the fire - trying to get to Spencer.

“Hey! Hey! Stop it!” Hotch tried to order you around, tried to get you to stand down.

He got a hand around your waist, and you continued to kick like a wild horse, fighting against his grip as hot tears poured down your face.

“He’s in there!” You sobbed. “Spencer is still in there.”

“Calm. Down.” Hotch ordered sharply.

You collapsed back into him sobbing, all of the fight leaving your muscles at once. You couldn’t fake the reality in front of you.

“You running in there and getting hurt isn’t going to change anything.” Hotch told you quietly, a somehow distant murmur into your ear.

Through the blur of your tears and the sharp orange glow, you saw the shape of two bodies. You heard coughing as someone emerged from the blast, hobbling down the stairs at the front of the church. You forced your eyes open wider, trying to see who it was, and then:

“Y/N!” Spencer called out your name gruffly through the smoke he had inhaled, and you easily shucked off Hotch’s grip to race up the stairs to get to him.

He was leaning on Morgan for support and you were worried that he was hurt. But the moment you were close enough, he tore himself away from Morgan and the two of you met in the middle. In a pattern that was easily developing, you fell into the safety of his arms, holding him tight enough to bruise him - never wanting to let go.

“You’re so stupid, you’re so stupid! Why would you do that to me?”

You sobbed out, gripping both sides of his face, staring into his eyes, needing the recognition that he was right there, right in front of you.

He stared back with glassiness - intense fear, adrenaline, and something small that told you he was thankful for you, and needed you now more than ever.

Of course, your words were simple anger at the situation, not at Spencer himself. The terror of thinking that he was dead still pumping through your veins, causing you to shake.

“I know.” He said quietly. “I love you.”

His voice wrapped around the words so tenderly - it was the most sincere declaration you had ever heard from him. As if to say ‘I know how much that scared you. I know what this ordeal has done to us and I only meant it more because of how scared I am’.

“I love you too.” The words flew from your lips so naturally it hurt. You took a moment to recover, entirely shocked by your own lips. And then, you only found the need to say it growing more inside of you. “Spencer, I love you.”

You pulled him toward you with the grip you had on his face, and he easily met you in one of the most earth shattering kisses you had ever experienced.

It was no longer a show, it was no longer about displaying the fake marriage for someone else’s benefit - if it had ever been about that in the first place. It was about the two of you. It was about feeling that comfort, that safety. It was about the fact that your two souls were drawn together since the day you had met. The fact that you had always felt safe with each other. You had always been the other person’s shelter from the storm.

And you poured every ounce of those feelings into that kiss.

You combed your fingers through Spencer’s hair, taking a harsh grip on the back of it, holding him there so he couldn’t pull away from your lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, fisting the back of your sweater. Both of you entirely refused to come up for oxygen, not even caring who saw the epically passionate, public display of your love for each other.

Unbeknownst to you, Morgan and Hotch exchanged a look with raised brows as it happened. You and Spencer didn’t care. You were barely perceiving the world around you as the two of you kissed.

“You know if you’re not careful, people are actually gonna think you two are married.” Morgan said, being his usual sarcastic self.

Rather than pulling away from Spencer’s lips to sass him back - you simply flipped Derek off over Spencer’s shoulder.

On the ride home, JJ handed Derek five dollars. He had the over/under that the two of you would get together before the end of the year. JJ said that it wouldn’t happen for another five years, at least. Derek handed the fiver to Emily when she reminded him that the ‘fake marriage’ bit had actually been her idea.

When Emily and JJ relayed the story to Penelope, she squealed so loudly into the phone that JJ dropped it.

Hotch pulled you aside later and warned you that the fake rings were just cheap costume jewelry that Garcia had gotten and they would tarnish soon if you kept wearing them. He also recommended that you and Spencer put in the paperwork with HR if you were ‘serious’ about the relationship. You knew that it was him wishing the two of you his best.

A few days later when you came into work and found the HR request for an update of relationship status sitting on your desk, already signed by Spencer, you couldn’t help but to smile.

...

A/N: okay, I do have to admit, the ending kind of sucks imo (like the last few paragraphs) because I highly resisted the urge to end this with 'baby making' smut where y/n is like if 'you want kids for real, then we can have kids', and then Spencer just goes nuts. because I did like the more cheesy/romantic love confession ending, and I was getting way too tired to write smut for this. idk if I should do that 'x amount of reblogs for part 2' thing or if I'm just happy with this being a standalone oneshot?? idk. if people ask for a part 2, then I will set a reblog goal for it. and I will work on a part 2 for it after Lesson Two is posted.

#star squared #Live Star Reaction #I always forget to tag these #my bad <3

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demonsandmischief · 4 years ago

Text

Something Special (Part 4)

Marvel - A Bucky Barnes Imagine

Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

800 Words

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

NOTE: Using themes from EP 5 of TFATWS which was so soft, so comforting. It left on a good note, so I thought it would be a good chance for me to wrap up here, because your girl is SCARED for episode 6. Enjoy :))

Feeling Good.

----

How was Louisiana, and Sam?" you asked Bucky after he just got to your house. He had been all over the place, there was no way you could keep up, but you knew he was with Sam for a few days. This was the most relaxed you had seen him, so obviously it had done him some good.

"It was good. Really good. I liked it down there, but I missed my girl," he grinned softly, pulling you into his arms. He kissed your forehead.

"I missed you too," you blushed, pressing your cheek to his chest. It had been a few weeks, but he had kept his promise and called at least every night, but usually it was more.

"And listen, I won't have to go anywhere until Sam gets a lead, so I am all yours." He pulled you back so he could see your face, gently stroking your cheek with his cool metal hand.

You didn't know what had changed, but the difference was incredible. He seemed lighter, like a weight had been lifted and you absolutely adored the more frequent half smiles.

"I'm really glad to hear that," you bit your lip. "I was just going to order pizza if that's okay?"

Bucky nodded, "Do you care if I shower while you do that?"

While he showered, you changed into pajamas and the food finally arrived.

"You have a nice shower," he said almost teasingly as he entered the kitchen. He stopped when he saw you, "You're adorable."

"I'm just comfy," you whispered, handing him a plate. He was dressed in sweatpants and a henley, a few drops of water he must have missed collecting on the tight material.

"Actually, I have something," he disappeared and came back with a black hoodie. He held it out to you, "Instead of the one you have on. Isn't that what girlfriends like?"

You couldn't help the large smile of happiness as you shrugged it on. It swallowed you, but it smelled like him and you absolutely loved it.

Bucky was watching you with a content smile of his own, his hip resting against the island. He couldn't resist pulling you close, dipping his head so his lips brushed yours.

"Beautiful," he whispered, nuzzling his cheek with yours. He was blissed out. Nothing could be better than this moment with you.

You sat on the couch together as you are, a fluffy blanket covering both. The TV was on, but it was muted as you caught up with each other.

"You said Sarah has two kids?"

You didn't miss the small quirk of his lips that faltered slightly with his thoughts, "Two boys. They're pretty rambunctious."

You watched him closely. "Do you want kids, Buck?"

He ducked his head slightly, like he was a bit embarrassed. "I think I would like having a family."

"How many? Boys or girls?"

"I'd like to have a little girl, especially if she looked just like you," he said it so softly that you were sure you didn't hear right. He caught your eye and gave you a hesitant smile.

Despite the flames in your cheek you whispered, "What if I want a boy that looks like you?"

He sighed playfully, even dreamily, "I guess we'd have to compromise and have both."

Your cheeks hurt from the pure joy that radiated from your insides. You stuffed the last bit of pizza in your mouth as your head filled with children, filled with a future with the lovely guy sitting beside you.

After a bit of time passed, he slid down onto his back with you tucked to his front, his metal arm resting on your hip.

You yawned, and Bucky brushed his lips against your forehead again. You loved his forehead kisses. They made you feel so special.

"You're amazing, Bucky," you whispered. "I'm so lucky you're my soulmate."

"I'm the lucky one. I'm sorry it took me so long." He metal hand slipped under your sweatshirt, so you were skin to skin, or metal that is. He ran his thumb back and forth in soothing motions.

"It was worth it. You're something special," you grinned and he chuckled, vibrating your whole body.

His hand move to your stomach, rubbing large circles with his palm. It was so comforting and you could feel yourself drifting off to sleep.

"I'm glad you think that," his breath hit your ear and you shivered. "You're everything I live for. You're my family."

Bucky pulled the blanket over your body, and you smiled as you drifted into a peaceful sleep.

---

The End - But you'll see them again. :)

Here's the Spin Off for Sam Wilson.

A/N: Bucky is complete! But you'll probably seem them (you lol?) again with Sam. I'll probably give Sam an OC so it isn't confusing.

Thanks for reading thanks for the love. I appreciate each and everyone of you.

If you're in my taglist, let me know if you still want to be tagged for Sam, too.

Tag List: @superwholockruleztheworld @imiiimargo @hiuahoe @idunnomayn @cable-kenobi @nialeesato @bklynxbaby @wolflover384 @harrystylesholland @mytbel0st @burnalley @heyarely16 @lilithknight1111 @loveyou5everr

#bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes #bucky imagine #marvel imagine #marvel soulmate #marvel #sam wilson #tfatws imagine #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #james buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #bucky barnes soulmate au #soulmate au #sebastian stan fluff #bucky barnes fluff

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mostlywritersblock · 3 years ago

Text

Arcane FF

Author’s note. This is not a Silco/Powder but more of a trauma induced father-daughter relationship. That being said feel free to read it however you like. Hoping to post on AO3 here soon.

Takes place at the end of Ep3.

( as of writing this I have yet to watch ep 4-6 fully, so please if anything is incorrect let me know!)

Trigger warning, there is description of several panic attacks (though Powder doesn’t know that’s what’s happening) also slight mention of suicide and self harm.

Part 2.

Part 1. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Part 8.

======================================

Silco didn’t stop walking until he reached the ‘common’ area. Glancing about he moved towards the couch and in one smooth swoop laid himself down upon it. He let out a deep sigh.

His body was aching; not just from the fight, or from the explosion, but carrying a child who was far too old to be carried was a feat in itself. He closed his eyes and let himself relax momentarily for the first time that day.

Slowly, almost cautiously, he let his thoughts play out. Unguarded he let his emotions roam free.

The first thing he was aware of, other than the physical ailments, was the deep hollowness he was experiencing whenever his mind would stray towards Vander. That alone was concerning, but he underlined it with red and shoved it aside as the next thought took it’s place. The explosion. What the hell had happened? Things weren’t going exceptionally well, but there had been no way Vander and his spawn were going to stand against his monstrosity. Then he’d seen a brief flash of blue and a force unlike any he’d experienced before tossed him backwards - about the same time Sevika shoved him aside.

He shook his head. It didn’t add up, where had it come from? Who had caused it?

…A brief idea of who it could be crossed his mind, but it was quickly tossed into the bin. It was highly improbable - and yet.

Where had the child -Jinx, come from? She was clearly Vander’s other daughter. But why hadn’t she joined the fight early on like the other three had? Was she hidden? She was certainly small, perhaps not yet ready to fight?

And yet, she’d come so willingly.

Silco pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a noise of frustration. Somehow he felt as though he were missing only a few pieces to this puzzle, but they were unfortunately the most important. The picture not quite clear.

He’d be sure to ask in the morning though.

The sounds of footsteps approaching stirred him out of his thoughts. Begrudgingly he sat up, just as the door leading back out to the armory opened.

Sevika shuffled in. Which if he’s being honest to himself was quite the surprise, though he hid it from his face. Instead he raised an eyebrow in question.

“The lads are calling it quits for the night, I told them we’d regroup as soon as I’d gotten word.” Her voice was hoarse, her good arm holding the poorly covered stump of her other arm-er shoulder. Blood was slowly dripping onto the floor. It was clear she wasn’t well, the paleness of her skin alone making her look like one of the dead as she leaned heavily up against the door frame.

He studied her closely, somewhat impressed she had felt the need to report to him herself. Let alone the energy.

“Good. You can tell them to meet here tomorrow evening. What happened tonight was only a minor set back in our grander mission.” He looked from her to the quickly accumulating blood on the floor. “You may go, take care of yourself, get some rest, and tomorrow we shall begin anew.” It was a polite dismissal, but a dismissal all the same.

Sevika nodded slowly to his words and then, as if the effort alone was too much, let out a little grunt as she pushed her self away from the entry. She shuffled painfully towards another door.

Silco watched her struggle half way across the floor before he called out.

“Bye the way. Thank you…I know you were only doing what I pay you for, but-“ he looked once more at where her arm should be, “thank you.”

She stopped long enough to glance at him under her disheveled hair, letting out a small noise of acknowledgment before smirking. “If you’re really so grateful, you’d get the damn door, like a true gentleman.”

Silco stared back, his own grin forming darkly on his face. Slowly he stood up and made his way across to her.

“Of course, where are my manners.” He said gently as we moved passed her and to the door, quickly pulling it open.

Sevika stood frozen, surprised that he actually listened to her, something akin to fear crossing her features as she looked between him and the door. Hesitantly she made her way to them. A stray thought came to her suddenly.

“Where’s the girl?”

His smirking face quickly morphed into a scowl, “she’s sleeping.”

“Here?” Sevika questioned as she neared the door.

“In the old break room.”

Sevika found herself frowning. For once some part of her dark heart ached. She hadn’t really known the children, but she knew Vander and how much he had sacrificed for them, only for things to end the way they had. She didn’t feel guilty, but the kids…they shouldn’t have gotten mixed up in this.

“She’s just a child, Silco.” She murmured, not meeting his eyes. “Don’t you think she deserves something a little better than a broom closet?”

“The break room is better than a broom closet.”

Despite his words, Sevika felt herself snorting in amusement. This entire situation screamed bad idea, as well as bizarre.

He looked at her in confusion.

“Sorry,” she held his gaze, “I guess I just find this entire situation royally fucked.” She paused. “We’re royally fucked, if the enforcers -“

“They aren’t going to do anything, I made sure of that.”

She raised a brow at him, “Fine. Then what about the girl, what do you thinks going to happen when she wakes up tomorrow and finally realizes you’re the one who kidnapped her dad? It’s not going to be good.”

“I’ll deal with that when it happens.” He stated, stepping closer to her. “Besides, I think the child has her own share of secrets.”

She shook her head. “This is a bad idea Silco-“ She paused as his words registered with her. “What do you mean?”

He searched her face for a moment, “I mean, I think perhaps she might be the cause of our misfortune tonight, of your misfortune.” He motioned towards her wound.

She looked down at her shoulder as she considered his words, “You think she caused the explosion?” She looked at him incredulously. “How?”

A small nonchalant shrug as he crossed his arms. “I’ve no idea. But I’m going to find out. Whether it be the child or not, a power such as what we saw tonight could be very useful to us.”

“Useful and dangerous.” Sevika said eyeing him closely. “I’ve only got so many limbs to spare.”

It was meant as a joke but the fact that they both flinched at her words said different.

Speaking of limbs, the numbness was starting to wear away.

Her comment must have pissed him off, because she could see the anger rising in his eye. But instead of lashing out he took a deep, shaky breath. A hand raking through his hair.

“Listen.” His voice was strangely soft as he took another step closer. “We’ve both had a tremendously long day. You’re tired, I’m tired. Let’s both just get some rest and then we can continue this conversation tomorrow with the boys.”

She looked at him closely, only now realizing just how exhausted the man appeared. She could feel her adrenaline slowly fading as well, meaning pretty soon her body was going to be actively aware it had lost a limb, and she didn’t want to be sober when that happened.

“Fine.” She agreed, just as softly. He didn’t step back however, instead he took another step forward. Almost nose to nose.

He eyes drifted from her, down her neck and over to her shoulder. An emotion she couldn’t quite pin down crossed his features before it was carefully schooled back into neutrality.

Then he took three small steps back, allowing her access to the open door once more. She nodded in thanks as she made her way past him.

“Sevika.”

She paused as she reached the doorway, looking back. He was facing away from her though.

“I meant what I said.” A glance over his shoulder as his good eye met hers. “Thank you.”

She held his gaze for a long moment. Nodded and kept on walking. The door closing behind her with a soft click.

Silco stared at the space where she’d just been, alone once more he felt the strange urge to go after her. Shaking off the feeling he walked backwards until his legs bumped into the couch. He laid back down with another deep sigh.

A quick rest, then he’d be back up and on his way to a proper bed.

But his body had a different plan, eye closed; he was asleep within minutes.

==============================================

Powder awoke to the sound of an explosion ringing through her ears. Her body felt as though it was falling yet she could see herself laying in the small cot. Disoriented she moved to sit up, glancing down at her hands, she was shaking. Her breaths coming out in short little burst. Why, what was happening?

All at once her memories caught up with her, Vander, her family, Vi leaving - she was already crying but it suddenly felt like that wasn’t enough. That there was just too much emotion inside her.

She wanted to scream.

Grasping at the sheets as she sobbed, Powder became aggressively louder until once again she found that it was becoming hard to breath. Panicking she stumbled off the cot and quickly made it to the door.

Her tears and the dim hallway made it hard for her to see as she cried out for anyone.

She tripped, on nothing but her own clumsiness, and like a falling tree, she came crashing down to her knees.

She let out a broken scream.

=============================================

Silco shot straight up as a high pitched wail startled him. For a moment he thought perhaps the enforcers had found them, that someone was being murdered just a few doors away. As he stared around the empty room he listened closely.

For a minute there was nothing but silence, then he heard it, more little wails, not as loud as before but it definitely sounded like someone was in pain. Frowning he stood up.

Cautiously he made his way towards the far door, the one he’d come through just hours earlier-

The girl.

Eyes growing wide, Silco quickly tossed the door open and ran.

===================================================

Powder lay in the middle of the hall, knees tucked tightly to her chest as she tried to make herself as small as possible. She wanted to disappear, wanted to cease existing if only the pain would stop. It felt as though her heart were breaking into a billion pieces all over again. Foolishly she’d believed that when she woke up it would all have been a nightmare. But that wasn’t the case. This was real, she’d murdered her brothers and father, she’d driven Vi to abandoning her. She was nothing but trouble from the first day, she was the problem, she was the -

“Jinx!”

Powder thought her heart might stop. She felt cold, ice cold. She was hearing voices now.

“Jinx?”

Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard footsteps approaching.

She curled up tighter, bracing for a kick or another slap to the face.

It’s what she deserved.

There was a presence near her, then a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Jinx.”

She continued to sob, her hands covering her face dug in painfully. It felt like relief.

The hand on her shoulder reached for her wrist, tugging just as gently.

“Jinx, let go.”

She dug in harder. The grip on her wrist did the same and slowly pulled her hands away.

She felt another hand slide under her arm and drag her away from the floor. She began to lash out.

“No!”

“Jinx-“

“No! Just leave me! It’s what I deserve! It’s not fair!” She struggled to get out of the strong grasp encircling her, the person slowly pulling her to them.

“No!” She hit and clawed but it didn’t seem to make a difference. Eventually she was pinned between arms and a solid chest that vaguely felt familiar.

She flailed for a few more moments before finally giving into the hold, body deflating like a balloon. She sagged against the figure holding her as her crying continued.

“It’s not fair.” She mumbled against the chest.

“…What isn’t.”

Not expecting a response to her statement, Powder paused to open her eyes since she fell to the floor earlier.

“It should have been me.” She said to familiar clothing, familiar arms.

A hand rubbed down her back.

“…Explain.”

She looked up, meeting a familiar gaze.

Silco.

Instantly she began to hold onto him, her panic leaving her in waves as a new comfort replaced it.

He came back.

He’d kept his promise.

Realizing he was still waiting for her answer, Powder pressed her check against him, hiding her face.

“It should have been me, I shouldn’t have been there, but I was, and I - I jinxed everything. They’d still be here if it wasn’t for me.” Her voice was shaking again and she took a deep breath to help steady it. “It should have been me, not them.”

She felt the arms holding her tighten at this admission.

“You blame yourself for what happened.” He whispered to her, she nodded.

“You shouldn’t.”

His words felt like a slap to the face, they were too loud and too strong and said with such an inflection of truth, that for a moment, Powder believed him. She pulled back quickly to look up at him. Shock on her face.

He stared back. “You were trying to help.” She gave a small nod. “Then it wasn’t your fault.”

“No, but I did it, I caused -“

“The explosion.” It wasn’t a question. Again she nodded. “I thought so.”

She looked down at her hands. “…I killed them.”

Large hands came up and gripped hers. “It was an accident.”

Furious she looked back up at him. “I killed them!”

Silco didn’t seemed phased by her anger, he just held her stare. After a moment she looked back down. Their hands were still joined.

“And what about your sister.”

Powder frowned. “What?”

“She was there, your brothers too, they were all trying their best to help but it wasn’t working.”

She kept her gaze down. “What do you mean.”

“I’m trying to tell you that it would have made no difference had you been there or not, Jinx.”

Without thinking she began squeezing their hands.

“Whether you caused that explosion or not, their fates were already sealed.”

“How-“

“Your sister made sure of it.”

Powder looked up, new tears brimming her eyes. “She couldn’t-“

“She thought she could save them, but it only prolonged the inevitable, she changed the outcome, disrupted the plan. She thought she was ready but your father knew better and in trying to save her, condemned himself.”

Powder stared at him in shock.

“Of course, it had all been an accident, she didn’t mean for any of it to happen.”

“But my brothers-“

“Caught in the cross fire, unfortunately.”

She let out a small wail. She didn’t know what to think, was he telling her the truth?

He’d given her no reason to not trust him thus far. Other than the glaring elephant in the room.

Oh yes, she knew who he was, what he’d done.

Yet some how none of that had mattered when she was screaming and crying out when Vi had left. When he held her and whispered promises about the future. When he’d brought her with him, given her a bed and then promised to come back.

And then did.

It was more than she could say for her family in the past few months. Of course they weren’t mean to her, they gave her a bed and food, but if she had really needed them, would they have come for her?

Powder wasn’t so sure. And now she’d never know -

No. No they would have. Shaking her head violently she sat back.

Silco was saying something again, she tried to focus on his voice, but there were too many thoughts swirling inside her.

“If you blame yourself then you must also blame your sister, after all she was the one leading them, wasn’t she?”

Powder nodded, only half listening.

“Then tell me Jinx, why weren’t you there with them?”

What?

Oh.

“Vi told me to stay. She said I wasn’t ready…and I wasn’t”

“I disagree.”

Powder frowned. “But, but I’m not.”

“You blew up my entire operation there, several of my employees and -“

“Killed my family.”

“Indirectly.” Silco put a finger under her chin, directing up to him. “That’s more than I can say for your sister. You were ready Jinx and she held you back.”

Powder searched his gaze before suddenly flinging her self onto him, her arms wrapping around his neck, her cheek pressed to his.

His arms came up around her after a moments hesitation but he held her securely against him.

“If you want someone to blame Jinx, blame her, you could have avoided this whole mess had you been by her side from the beginning.” He whispered into her hair. “But all that’s going to change now, because you’ll be by my side. We’ll prove everyone wrong.” He felt her grip on him tighten.

“We’ll show them. Just like you said.” She whispered back.

“Just like I promised.” He brought a hand up to the back of her head, his other gently rubbing her back.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, neither saying anything and just taking in comfort from the other.

Eventually though Silco’s body was starting to protest, his knees especially.

“Jinx…” He prodded gently, “might we go back to bed.” Unfortunately the child clung to him harder at his words. “I need to sleep Jinx and so do you, we can talk more in the morning but -“

“I’m scared.” She glanced at him from the side. “I don’t like that room and I don’t want to be alone.”

Silco felt a headache coming on. On one hand he could tell her to toughen up, send her back to the room and let that be it. Though there stood a good chance that it would put some strain on - on whatever this was - and he didn’t exactly want to cause anymore friction. There was also the possibility she would have another melt down and come find him again. On the other hand he could give in and find some place they’d both be equally comfortable and the child wouldn’t have to be alone, it might actually have the added benefit of strengthening -whatever this was - and make her trust him more easily. But. He’d lose some privacy, crossing this line would set the precedent for their future interactions and he wasn’t so keen on losing that-

“Please.” She looked at him with the biggest puppy dog eyes. Surprisingly, it worked.

Oh what the hell. What’s one night anyway?

“Fine.” He let out a long sigh, looped his arms under her and stood up. It took a little more effort this time but he managed, again she clung on like some kind of ape.

He headed them back in the direction of the common area. There was no way he was making it to his private quarters tonight.

A few minutes later and they were back inside the room with the comfy looking couch. Silco set them both down.

“Here.” He said moving to giver her room to lay down. “You can sleep right here and I’ll be right over there.” He nodded towards one of the chairs. It looked less comfy than the couch but it would have to do.

She laid down, watching him as he dug out another wool blanket from one of the boxes and came back over. He placed it across her and she burrowed herself in. Then he went and sat in one of the opposite chairs. He slouched down, trying to lay as vertically as possible in the chair. I certainly wasn’t very gentleman-like but if he was being honest he really didn’t give a shit at the moment, he doubted Jinx did either. He closed his eye.

She stared at him from under the blanket.

“Sleep Jinx.” He said not bothering to look at her.

===================================================

She watched him for a few more minutes as his breathing got deeper, he had fallen asleep.

He was… different than what she imagined, not that she’d really ever given him any thought prior to tonight. But if someone had told her she’d be sleeping in the same room as the man who’d harmed her family she would have tossed her monkey bomb at them.

He looked peaceful sleeping. So far when awake the man seemed to have a constant scowl upon his face, that or as if he were about to die of boredom. Powder could relate. She often found herself bored at home, especially when Vi, Mylo and Clagger were out without her.

She wondered if she’d get bored here. Something in her gut told her that wasn’t likely to happen. Not for a while at least. She was so far out of her element she wondered if she was made for this kind of life, if perhaps she should have gone out with her family. If that would have been easier.

It sure felt like it would have.

Her mind was racing despite the exhaustion she felt. It was easier, being in the room with him. She was less afraid. But she didn’t like the distance. So far every sliver of peace she’d felt since Vi’s words, had come from the man holding her.

Slowly she pulled back the blanket and sat up. She wrapped it around her small frame and slid off the couch. Tiptoeing towards the man she stopped by his side looking him over. He didn’t appear to be injured other than the dark bruise that was forming around his neck. She wondered what had happened, the idea unnerved her and so she quickly moved on to his face. She was curious, the skin was darker, marred a bit but nothing too horrible to look at. The eye was a different matter, it had scared her initially but not enough to turn her away, now however she already started to associate it with the man as a signature quirk, like her blue hair. Gently she touched the mans shoulder, when he didn’t stir, she slowly climbed into his lap. He was cold as she settled in, suddenly very glad she brought the blanket with her and placed it delicately on top of them. She rested her head on his chest. Just as she was getting comfy she felt the man stir above her. Stiffening she waited for him to scold her, or worse, shove her off. But neither came, instead the man shifted into a more comfortable position and wrapped his arms securely around her, resting his head on top of hers.

Jinx felt warm, and for a night full of first, a piece of her shattered heart started melding back together. They didn’t fit perfectly, but that was okay. It was something. It was healing.

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sugar-spice-and-pretty-men · 2 years ago

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Sandman ep 3+4 impressions - Joanna Constantine was surprisingly cooperative. When she pointedly told Morpheus to fuck off and only cared about her job I thought we’d spend the whole episode playing bullshit game to get her to help, but she actually didn’t mind lending him a hand, which was a breath of fresh air after the first ep where 90% of people involved refused to compromise whatsoever. Granted she only wanted to get rid of the nightmare and did try to slip away, but overall that went well enough. - Matthew my dude, the reason why she got away was because you distracted Morpheus! Speaking of which, Matthew was a human who died and the next thing he knew, he was a raven. Dude sure took it in stride, just shrugged it off and went on with his new job. - Poor Rachel falling in love with the wrong person and suffered terribly for it. Still, 6 months and no one went to check on her?? Where the heck were her friends and family?! - Now I know why Morpheus was stuck in the basement for a decade, it has been 10000 years and he still hasn’t forgiven Nada, dude’s just petty as fuck. Then again Gods and the Divines in mythologies are rarely known for being forgiving lol. Really curious what happened between them though. - Morpheus owe both Lucienne and Matthew a heartfelt thank for looking after his ass. - I thought Morpheus was going to get his ass kicked by Lucifer, but then they started playing a game of who is stronger Naruto vs Goku... - I feel like I missed something with the “hope” one, wouldn’t despair kill hope? Or did that not count because Despair is his sibling? Why did Lucifer look so shaken? I didn’t quite get that part. - I have seen Neil Gaiman hyped up Lucifer’s casting a lot, so I was looking forward to Lucifer’s performance but honestly I was disappointed. First of all the hairstyle they chose for her fucking sucked, her face was already so round and soft, so that puffy curly hair just made her look like a Karen. She didn’t look ethereal and threatening at all, she looked like a childish middle-aged woman ready to throw a tantrum. The only thing I liked about her was her height, I liked how they used the camera angle to show her dwarfing over Morpheus, that was cool. Also her outfits were dope. - Rosemary my dear, showing too much kindness to the wrong person will only result in disaster. That amulet John gave you, please for the love of all good thing in the world, throw it into a fucking lake or something. That will only cause trouble, you don’t want to accidentally have some people fucking explode while defending yourself. At least she’s alive though, god I was afraid she was gonna die. - Ethel was a great character, I feel conflicted about her. She genuinely loved her son but she was also a terrible mother, she accidentally created a monster and didn’t know how to deal with it. - If I understood it right, Ethel was 116 years old when she died, she had John when she was fairly young, like when she was 20-ish? So John must be around 90 years old? Wait that doesn’t feel right, he’s too mobile and clear-minded for a 90 years old. He seems more like 70-ish to me. But let’s say he’s 90yrs old and was kept fairly young because of magic or whatever, he said he had been locked up for 30 years. So he stole the ruby and made a mess at... 60 yrs old...? Like really? Rebellion at the retire age...? - The timeline is kinda fucked, like Morpheus said he was imprisoned for a decade, but Alex already looked like 8-9 yrs old when Morpheus got caught. How the fuck did both Alex and Paul come to be in such great shape at like 110 years old?? As far as I know they had no magic shit lying around because Ethel stole them already, and Alex wasn’t really taught magic by his father. So what the heck? It’s especially confusing when you consider how Alex wasn’t that much younger than Ethel. He was already like a late teenager when they met, and Ethel was like only a few years older than him. Without the Amulet of Protection, Ethel crumbled to death, but Alex was healthy enough to be able to stand and walk a little by himself. The characters’ age is kind of a fuckery. I should have paid more attention to the date but I’m also not sure if that would helped lol.

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felassan · 3 years ago

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Check out this video interview with Mark Darrah, ‘On Anthem’s Launch, Dev Advice, And Leaving BioWare’. It’s interesting and pretty substantial. He talks about a bunch of different things, including his YouTube channel, things BioWare could’ve done differently, crunch, whether he’ll write a book about his gamedev experiences, gamedev pitfalls, Anthem’s troubled development, the development of projects he worked on including DA2, cancelled projects (and what happened to them) including Jade Empire 2 / ‘Jade Modern’ / Revolver and Mass Effect: Corsair, the reasons why he left BioWare and Dragon Age 4.

I recc giving the whole thing a watch, but if you’re not able to, here are the Dragon Age 4-related quotes and other especially interesting-to-me portions transcribed for ur convenience! (under a cut due to length):

Mark: "There is a tendency for projects that are small to think they're amazing, because it's so much easier. Like when I ran Sonic [Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood] - it was a 20 person team - it's just so much easier to make things go smoothly than when you have a 200 person team. So I think that we've made progress, but as Dragon Age pivots into production and that team gets bigger and bigger, it will be interesting to see if that's true or if it's just the blindness of being a small team. Like when Inquisition was in the throes of shipping, both Mass Effect: Andromeda and Anthem would love to talk about how they were 'doing things right!' and then they fell in totally different holes, but still fell in a bunch of holes after Inquisition shipped. So I do think that there is a hubris that comes from a project in early development where you feel like this time you've figured it out."

--- Mark: “As Dragon Age [4] was moving towards production, I could see that like, the team, I've been told by people that they've never met a team that more wants to be in production than Dragon Age team. But what ended up happening was, in order for the team to really explore the space properly, we had to sort've train them to be in pre-production. But that meant that that team no longer really wanted to be in production, they wanted to be in pre-production. And so, looking at what was going to be required to pivot that team into production, it wasn't a challenge that I thought I was up to any longer. I think that team, once they get into the mindset, is capable of moving entire mountains, and will move entire mountains, but they need someone that can lead them through that."

Interviewer: “Yeah, from the outside it's striking that you and Casey Hudson left at the same time. It sort’ve definitely implies a ‘fuck this’ moment for the two of you. If it was just you saying ‘I can’t do it’ then it’s understandable.”

Mark: “Yeah, no, I mean, it’s hilarious, because, we definitely were not coordinated. That was, as near as I can determine, there was nothing that triggered us on the same moment other than maybe just a sort’ve mounting, just, like, this friction, being at the, I would say, the GM and EP, the point at which the [something?] friction and the project friction meet, and you’re just sort of grinding there. But I don’t think there was a massive injection of anything late last year that triggered that. Not that I can point to. For me, yeah, I do think it was, weirdly, a coincidence. Casey and I have stayed in touch, we didn’t leave to go form a studio together or anything.”

---

Interviewer: “Are you being torn apart a little bit internally about that pressure of, ‘I know if I just made a video that said, The Secrets of Dragon Age - not even Dragon Age 4, whatever the hell that thing’s called at this point - but just, The Secrets of Dragon Age: Origins’, like, you know that audience surely would show up. I imagine there’s that community that’s screaming at you, like, ‘Tell us something we don’t know about Dragon Age, tell us about the future!!’, versus, trying to play it a little more straight and actually offer gamedev advice.”

Mark: “Yeah, for sure, absolutely, like, looking at, there is an entire segment of YouTube which is ‘Dragon Age fans talking about Dragon theories and watching the trailers and picking them apart’ and I could do that, and that would be, I feel like that would almost destructive to everybody, because I could deflate all the theories, some of which are completely completely wrong, some of which are amazingly right. But I think, like, I don’t think the community actually wants that. They might sort’ve think they do, but I think if I just sort’ve pulled away the curtain, I think it’d be like, ‘Ohh.. but now what are we gonna talk about? :(’ Like I don’t think that anybody wants that honestly. It would be great for my metrics but I don’t think anyone really wants that.”

Interviewer: “And not to offer you advice, but like I think there’s somewhere in the middle. Like when they have the next teaser trailer for the next Dragon Age project, you could do a reaction video to that and it would be your most viewed thing by a mile, and you wouldn’t be stepping on anybody’s toes.”

Mark: “Yeah, I have thought about that exact thing. Cause we’ve now moved, I think, beyond the horizon of anything that comes out of Dragon Age at this point, like if they’re at EA Play, and I don’t know if they’re at EA Play or not, then whatever that is will be something that I didn’t have anything to do with, so we’re reaching the point where I can now, I feel like, start to provide, yeah, reaction videos from the perspective of, an incredibly well-informed outsider.”

---

Interviewer: “And you must know, even though you’re not inside the studio, like, just have an appreciation how much that [MELE’s good success and good reception] can do for the studio’s morale. I’d imagine it’s just night and day.”

Mark: “Oh, absolutely, like. Andromeda and Anthem being the last two things before the remaster, that is a cloud that hangs above the studio for sure.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, I mean I remember visiting for Dragon Age: Inquisition, it must have been, and it was still, like, the Mass Effect 3 ending, I feel like, even visiting the studio for two days, you could feel that like, funk, of just like ‘ugh, good Christ, we’ve gotten the crap kicked out of us’.”

Mark: “Yeah, I mean. The Mass endings is an interesting one for me. Because, it’s not the choices I would have made to end the game, but those are the choices that were made. I wonder... I don’t like ultimatums, and I feel like with Mass 3, the team kind’ve gave into an ultimatum. The community was so angry that we then released new better endings to ‘fix it’, and it’s not that that’s a bad piece of content, that’s a good piece of content, but I just worry that, the internet today, seems almost like... a reaction to the Mass 3 endings. Almost like, the internet learned that if you just yell loud enough you get what you want. And I don’t think that’s real, because it’s Mass Effect, it’s not Star Wars.”

Interviewer: “But I mean, if it wasn’t the ending of Mass Effect 3, it would have been something else in that era of Voices On The Internet Being So loud that it causes a big company to pivot and be like ‘Okay, we’ll try and make you a little bit happier, please just relax everybody’.”

Mark: “Yeah, totally. So I mean, I don’t think Mass Effect bears the brunt of the blame of toxic fan culture. But certainly it’s one of the very first examples of that culture managing to make something happen.”

---

Mark: “Now I do feel that maybe I overlearned that lesson, because, something that I did a lot on Anthem was talk about how, you know, ‘this is not a BioWare-style game, this is not gonna have the storytelling that you’re used to’. And I think maybe I overstressed that. I do think that at the end of the day where we are with Anthem today, if you were a BioWare fan that liked all our other games, and you play Anthem with an eye to playing it as a storytelling game, it’s certainly not our best, but it’s not bad.”

Interviewer: “So Anthem marketing and messaging was hurt because you were overlearning the lessons from Sonic, that’s the takeaway?”

Mark: “I do think so. I do think that like, I don’t think it was from the marketing perspective, but I do think that both Casey and I overstressed [that]. We didn’t want people to get mad at us for making a game that wasn’t a very good storytelling game, so we wanted to get ahead of that message and say like, ‘it’s not a very strong storytelling game, it’s a game about all this other stuff’, but, at the end of the day, it is a storytelling game, it’s still in there. And those are the people that stayed away. And if those people hadn't stayed away, I’m not saying the game would have suddenly done [awesome], but it would’ve softened the narrative a little bit, I think.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, yeah. I mean, I’m sure you understand this better than anybody, but that’s such a loaded term to say ‘This is a BioWare-style game’, and obviously there’s that era of EA where they were trying to say that every project within EA was a ‘BioWare-style’ game and so, it’s interesting to hear you kind’ve, hemming and hawwing about how much to lean into, ‘no no, this one is 100% BioWare, this one is 73% BioWare’ - it’s such a murky thing.”

Mark: “It absolutely is, I mean, and I even said these things. Like we made MDK2, well, we made it, so I mean is that a ‘BioWare-style’ game? Is Baldur’s Gate a ‘BioWare-style’ game? But if it is, then how is Mass Effect a ‘BioWare-style’ game, and certainly I don’t think anyone would argue that Mass Effect is not a ‘BioWare-style’ game. So that term has to evolve as the studio continues. But I think for whatever reason, for a variety of reasons, I guess, with Anthem we were worried that maybe we’d pushed it a bit too far. And then I guess we did.”

Interviewer: “Did you enjoy any part of working on Anthem, or was it just a matter of putting out so many fires that it was just nothing but stress til the end?”

Mark: “It was stressful for me. I mean. I have a weird - the last ten years of my career at BioWare seemed to involve a lot of helping people land their planes. And that’s what Anthem was for me, I wasn't there from the beginning. I was helping to land it. I think there’s a satisfaction that comes with landing a game, with finishing a product, and I felt that with Anthem as well, and there were a lot of talented people on that project that I’d never worked with before, and that was great. It was great to, y’know, figure out these people that had only ever worked on a Mass Effect, that I’d never worked with before, their skills and abilities. I really like understanding the strengths and weaknesses of a person and building around that. I didn’t really have an opportunity on Anthem to do that because y’know, we were just trying to get the plane on the ground, but I think, having learned about what those people could do, that’s very gratifying because it lets you imagine what you could do with them in the future.”

Interviewer: “Yeah, if things aligned magically, but for you you realized it never was gonna align, and it was always just right on the horizon of being able to cobble this amazing talent together and focus it down.”

Mark: “Yeah, I mean - I think that I, the mistake that I made on Anthem, I think the biggest mistake, was I’m used to getting a team that pushes back on me in a certain way. So as I’m sort’ve pushing the stick down to get the plane to hit the runway, I’m used to pushing it sort’ve too far, because I know that the team is gonna push it back and then we’re gonna end up where it should be. And I think that given the state of the team on Anthem when I came on, and given the differences in personalities of the leaders there, versus the ones that I’d been working with for ten years, that’s not what happened. I think if anything, I pushed it down, and then they grabbed it and pulled it even further, because they were desperate for help in decision-making, and I was providing decisions. And they were grabbing onto that, and so I thought we were on this glide slope [motions], I was aiming at this glide slope expecting that we were gonna be like [this], but instead we were like [this], and so we, yeah, we landed that pretty rough. But, I mean, it was my call, I’m the one that said we shouldn’t push to move this, not because I thought it was perfect, but because the only path I could see to making it way better was moving it a lot. And when you’re in the last eight, nine weeks of a project, I could only see like, if we were gonna move it, we [would] have to move it like a year. And that’s - in a public corporation that’s a hard argument to make.”

---

Mark: “One of the most expensive things a project can do is slip. Because, your team, when you do that your team is at its maximum size, so if you got 200 people working on a project and you move a month, well that’s 200 staff months, you just got a bunch more expensive just by moving a month. Whereas actually adding more people, well if you only got a month left, to add 200 staff months to a project, you gotta add 200 people, that’s a lotta people. Moving the date is one of the most expensive, and you can reach a point where it’s like, look, it’s not worth it, if we move the date it’s gonna cost more to continue this project than it’s gonna make, so we’re not gonna. But rarely is that the case, you’ve already spent the money you’ve spent, so the only cost that matters is the cost going forward.”

Interviewer: “So, do you regret not pushing for Anthem to be delayed a year or was it good just to get something on the ground so that we could start building to take it off again with a living game?”

Mark: “Yeah, honestly, I don’t regret it, the [team/game?] was tired and it didn’t have another year in it, and I think a lot of the things that are super obvious now, some of them we knew, some of them we knew, like the balance, we had done one, clean balance pass, by having QA come in and hotseat their way through the game over Christmas break. Like literally playing the game 24 hours a day. We’d done basically that once. So we knew that, we knew that. But a lot of the other things kind’ve only came out once it was out in peoples’ hands. I think the path that I wasn’t capable of seeing at the time that could’ve maybe resulted in a better game would’ve been to put it into beta, like a real beta, in the state that it was in, and run it like that and then release it a year later. But I don’t know if there was the will to do that frankly. There might be now... I think Anthem taught EA a lot of lessons.”

Mark: “[on Cyberpunk] I think many of the same things happened there [as with Anthem]. They had a team that was tired and it wasn’t ready but they couldn’t see the path to getting it more ready. If the team is too tired, just taking another two months just isn’t gonna get you what you think it’s gonna get you.” [source]

#dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #long post #longpost #mass effect: andromeda #anthem #mass effect

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nanso · 3 years ago

Note

I feel cheated out of seeing what I at least think of as the quintessential Kate/Anthony dynamic. They were a lot of fun eps 1-3 and then just miserable until the epilogue. Where’s the playfulness and the levity? They could’ve found some way to have them at least joke or make light about the ridiculous situation they got themselves into but it was just constant angst and longing and I got tired of it. I think it really handicapped Simone and Jonathan showing what they’re capable of as actors too - she is very expressive with her eyes, and I really saw her constant anguish (over Anthony, her family…) despite being very self-possessed. Simone has good comedic instincts too. She would’ve done well with the zany, freer side of Kate we rarely saw (ascot? Pall mall? The mud scene I guess?)

I just really wanted to see them like each other? Be friends? Happy? Enjoy each other’s company… not just eye fucking and yearning. I still wish we’d gotten some version of the book where they marry earlier so we could see them be domestic and just exist alongside each other. But if not, the show might’ve cut some of the Featherington plot in the finale and showed us more of them post marriage, beyond the (admittedly perfect) epilogue scene.

Sorry anon, I think you might have sent this a bit ago - I'm not always the fastest on asks!

I thought their book dynamic was definitely there for eps 1-3; and was 110% there in the scene/dialogue before they go at it in episode 7 - like that sparring was PEAK them and I loved it. The writer of that episode is a Hollywood veteran which...may have something to do with that. Generally though the interactions between Kate and Anthony in like episodes 4 and 5 for in particular leaned heavily on him talking - not her, so that's kind of a bummer even if JB is phenomenal. All that said - their exchange at the Featherington Ball in episode 8 where she says he was the first one she found to steady her - and he does his flirty 'how many fingers' moment - I'm not sure I'll ever recover from that. SUCH TENDER FLIRTING. I AM RUINED.

Simone does have great comedic instincts! And we definitely saw that in the first half of the season before we hit angst city. I'm very into angst so I was ok with that lol - but I do wish there had been a more consistent tone and pacing to the season and the dearth of that, I believe, can be attributed to the editing/post-production timeline.

I'm okay with not having as much married!Kathony honestly, especially since we know we're gonna get that in season 3. If you follow me, you've already seen what my issue was with the season so I shall not rant about that again lol.

#asks #bridgerton #kate x anthony #kathony

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xoxo-teddybear · 4 years ago

Text

Oh, The Lies You Tell - Bakugou Katsuki- pt.3

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: angst, trauma, abuse, betrayal, fluff, slice of life, smut, cursing, manipulation, possible spoilers, physical harm, 18+

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Ep. Warnings: cursing

Summary: Y/N is denying her feelings. ALL of them.

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7 Pt.8 Pt.9

When you closed the door, you had to catch your breath. You leaned against it with your eyes closed as a slight smile grew on your face. A little blush dusting over your cheeks, causing rising heat to roam your skin. You opened your eyes and saw Rumor looking at you. He had his head tilted with judgmental eyes.

“What?” You asked. He only gave you a snort with eyes that said “don’t act like you don’t know.”

“I’m not falling for blondie. It’s just fun to flirt.” You said, trying to reassure both Rumor and yourself. Rumor let out wails like he was talking to you saying “mhmmm.”

“What? It’s true! We have a mission Rumor.” You said as you layed down under the covers.

Flashback

As Kurogiri busted through the door to the LOV’s hideout, he shouted.

“SHIGARAKI!” He yelled out of breath.

The villains looked around at the man. Why was he out of breath? Where had he been? Why wasn’t Y/N with him?

“What’s going on?” Dabi asked the steam of purple.

“I-it’s Y/N! Earser-Head took her!” Kurogiri said.

“WHAT?!” In came shigaraki, now yelling in shock. “How dare you lose that girl?! Do you understand how valuable AND dangerous she is? She is with the heroes now, they’ll tell her everything about us, and she’ll grow an opinion. She’ll kill all of us.” He seethed out as he held Kurogiri by his neck collar.

“I understand! But- but look!” Kurogiri said holding up your earring you threw at him. “She left behind this!” Once seeing the piece of jewelry, Skigaraki calmed down. He took the gem in his hands.

“Smart girl...this is a communication device. I gave these to Y/N if trouble were to ever happen so she could contact us without the call being tracked,” he explained. “Y/N! ..Titania!...Y/N? Can you hear me?!” He screamed into the earring.

“.........Loud and clear Shigaraki,” Y/N’s voice was heard from the gem and everyone looked alive. They all settled and began to ask her questions.

“Y/N, what the hell is going on?” Dabi asked.

“Eraser-Head took me. He brought me to UA and they’re keeping me in an interrogation room. He said he sees good in me and wants me to enroll here.” You explained.

“UA...” Shigaraki echoed.

“That’s right. And I have a plan. We’ll take em down from the inside.” You offered your idea.

“Explain.” Shigaraki said.

“You have me. I’ll gather intel. All the places where UA will be traveling to, all their plans, all their strengths and weaknesses. I can tell you it all and you guys can come up with a plan on how to attack. My suggestion would be that you should attack them when traveling. Do it subtly. I’ll tell you their future plans and you’ll come up with loopholes. I’ll report their strengths and weaknesses and when you’re ready, we do a full scale attack on the school. Bring as many villains as we can to help and win.” When you were done explaining, the villains shared a look. Except Shigaraki. He was 100% in on this plan.

“I expect a report every day. Tell us whatever happened, whatever you learned or found out. You tell us everything.” Shigaraki said.

“Understood.” You replied.

“Good.”

Present Time

You sighed at the memory. Rumor noticed your displeasure and came up beside you on the bed. He cuddled into you side to help you calm down. You pet his head as you turned to lean into his soft fur.

“...we can’t get distracted. No boys, no luxury, no hero life, no UA life. We’re villains...that’s all we’re good enough to be.” You said to remind yourself. As you shut your eyes and drifted off to dreamland, Rumor looked at you and sighed.

‘She deserves UA though. She deserves a happy life. She’s more than good enough.’ Rumor thought.

Bakugou’s POV

As Bakugou walked off to his room with a satisfied smile on his face, he thought back to what happened. It made him stop in his tracks in shock.

‘What the fuck is happening to me?’ Bakugou thought. Since when does he act all flirty? And when did he start blushing? And why does his heart speed up at the thought of Y/N? ‘Maybe I just need to sleep in off.’

As Bakugou walked into his room, he saw Kaminari and Kirishima mocking him.

“Mwuah, Mwuah, Mwuah, oh Y/N, I love you so much,” Kirishima said pretending to hold a girl in his arms and kissed the air.

“Oh, I love Princess so much! Mwuah!” Kaminari mimicked. Bakugou only growled at the two and blushed in embarrassment.

“What the hell are you two idiots doing here?” Bakugou asked.

“Well we came to hang but then we got hungry while waiting for you and searched for snacks but we saw you and Y/N going in for a kiss~” Kaminari said wiggling his brows.

“And then we saw Mr. Aizawa hit you with adoption papers and then kicked you guys out the kitchen. We also saw you run to Y/N and peck her cheek~” Kirishima added on. “You crushing on the new girl?”

“Am not.” Bakugou replied.

“Are too.” Kaminari said. “Makes sense. She’s crazy hot, super powerful, and full of personality. She’s pretty freaking awesome.”

“Yeah c’mon man, we’re friends and we won’t tell if you do like her.” Kirishima reassured.

“I don’t like her, shitty hair.” Bakugou stated. “I mean, yeah. She’s beautiful, and she’s funny, and she’s really strong. And she’s also really cool and really chill and my heart beats like crazy and my mind goes dumb when I’m around her. But that doesn’t mean I like her!”

The two boys just looked at the blonde with a brow raised.

“Seriously?” They both said.

“GAH!” Bakugou screamed as he flopped face forward on his bed coming to the realization. “Fine! Maybe I do like her BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE, but that doesn’t mean I LIKE like her. Besides, shes only been here for 2 days, how the hell am I supposed to fall for someone that quick?”

“Love at first sight is a real thing if you believe it is.” Kaminari said. Bakugou thought about it. Maybe it was. But there was no way. She didn’t know anything about him and yeah she opened up to Bakugou about her past but that doesn’t mean she’s in love with him.

“......look. I don’t know exactly how I feel about Y/N. All I know is, I get excited whenever she’s around or when I know I’ll get to see her. I can’t be sure of my feelings....yet.” Bakugou admitted.

“Well you should figure it out, man. She could be good for you. I mean, shes only been here for a few days but just in those two days she’s made you a more open person. You woulda never admitted all this to us before.” Kirishima said. At that realization that he said too much, Bakugou got up and pushed his friends out his room door before he could spill any more.

“Okay! Great! Gotta sleep! Goodnight! See you later idiots.” Bakugou said and slammed the door. He flopped back on his bed, going back to thinking about Y/N. And there goes his heart again with that fast beating.

——————————————————————————

Y/N woke up, got ready, and was about to walk out the door. Her and Rumor were getting ready for some training so Y/N put on some comfortable work out clothes. As the two were about to walk out the doors with their bags, they ran into the Bakusquad boys in the common room.

“Hey Y/N!” Kaminari greeted you.

“Oh hey guys!” You said walking towards the group. Bakugou had his eyes fixated on you. Do you always look this good in the mornings?

“Where you headed?” Sero asked.

“Rumor and I were gonna get some training in at our special spot in the forest. Didn’t really get to do much yesterday so I’m making up for it today.” You explained.

“Hey, training sounds pretty good,” Kirishima said and the guys all agreed. “Mind if we joined you?”

“Uhh..I don’t know guys. The place I train is kinda far and I usually have to ride on Rumor to get there.” You said.

“Ohh c’mon, please! We’re down for the ride and we’d love to see you in action.” Kaminari begged. Bakugou decided to influence your decision.

“C’mon princess,” he said while looking you right in your eyes. The group all smiled and raised a brow at Bakugou’s behaviour, but you two didn’t notice, for you were too lost in each other’s presence that you didn’t even realize what you said.

“Sure...” you said still dazed with Bakugou, but once you heard yourself you snapped out of it. “Wait- Wha-“ you were interrupted by the cheers of rowdy boys as they all left to get their stuff ready. Bakugou was the last to leave.

“Thanks for letting us join, princess.” He said pecking your cheek and walking off. Curse those damn ruby eyes! You smacked your face the tiniest bit to fight off the rising blush as Rumor just gave you a look of sass.

“Oh hush, now you gotta carry 5 people. Hope you’re happy.” You said sitting next to Rumor on the couch. About 10 minutes went by before all the boys came back and were set to go. You guys walked to the front entrance of the dormitory and paused.

“Okay. A few rules before we get there. The spot is a special place to me. It’s where I can explore myself and my abilities a lot more and it’s the place where I found Rumor. It’s a treasure and a memory to me so don’t you dare destroy it too much!” You said with a stern voice and serious look. The boys nodded their heads in understanding.

“Good. Rumor, flying bison form.” As rumor shifted into a giant creature, you went to the side of the building where you had his saddle waiting. You used your air bending to place it onto Rumor’s back as you attached a rope to his horns for steering. You told the boys to get on, but they seemed a little hesitant.

“What? You’ll be fine, just get on.” As the boys trusted your words, they climbed onto Rumor and settled in the saddle. On your mark, Rumor took off into the skies as the boys screamed in fear in the back.

“We’re gonna die!!!” Kaminari cried as he held onto Sero. The boys freaked out until you reassured them.

“You’re not gonna die you idiots! Jeez, it’s too early for all this.” You said as you continued to handle Rumor’s reigns. After about 10 minutes of flying, you trusted that Rumor knew where to go from there and went to the back of the saddle where the boys were.

“First time flying on a bison?” You jokingly asked.

“More like first time ever doing any of this.” Kirishima said. “Man, do you get to travel like this all the time?”

“Pretty much. Theres so many forms that Rumor has, so it’s always fun seeing the reactions I get whenever they see me riding a dragon or something.” You laughed out, causing Bakugou to blush at the beautiful sound.

“Man, I could get used to this.” Sero said as he let the breeze flow through his hair. You giggled before speaking.

“Yeah, well sorry to disappoint, but rides over. We’re here.” You said looking over the saddle and seeing the forest spot. The boys finally saw the beautiful trees, the crystal waters, the beautiful plants and giant plateaus of boulders and rocks creating something straight outta Lion King. You landed in a clearing and hopped off Rumor, encouraging the boys to do the same. Rumor transformed back into his usual form and walked towards you all.

“So! Y/N, what do you usually do when you get here?” Kirishima asked.

“I usually stand on the spiritual clearing over there,” you said and pointed to an opening where there was a circular stone platform in the ground engraved with some ancient characters.

“Spiritual clearing? It looks like pavement.” Kaminari said, earning a wack to the head from Bakugou and Sero. You just sighed and sat crossed on the area and called upon your mentor.

“Avatar Korra....” you called out, and then, it appeared as if a ghost came out of you and right infront of you stood your mentor. The boys shook in fear.

“A ghost?” Sero shakenly asked.

“No, my mentor. She’s a spirit...a good one.” You said as you stood and bowed to Korra.

“So what are we working on today, Y/N?” Korra asked you.

“Well, I want to perfect my water bending. Specifically, my healing. I used my dim mak on a friend in school and I couldn’t heal his arm from the paralysis so I want to work on fixing that.” You said. Korra nodded and took you to the watering hole.

“You boys can get on with your training,” you said to the guys as they appeared to be standing still.

“Actually, we just came to watch you and see what kinda stuff you can do,” Kaminari confessed. You laughed and shook your head as you used your hand to call the boys over so they could watch.

“Well then how about we get a volunteer?” Korra said as she looked to the 4 future pros. Bakugou stood up and joined you in the watering hole.

“You have no idea what you’ve just done,” you laughed out as Bakugou stood there confused. “Sorry about this,”

“What do you me-“ you cut him off by jabbing his pressure points and having him fall paralyzed into the shallow water. As he layed there with his upper side of his body out of the water he spoke.

“Coulda gave me a warning, ya know.” He said in a grouchy demeanor. You just looked towards your mentor for guidance.

“Let’s begin..” Korra said. As you trained the boys watched in excitement and awe. They’ve never seen anyone with a “quirk” like yours and never saw someone with your fighting style. Once you finished up with Bakugou, Korra walked you through the other elements. The boys saw your many skills and were thoroughly impressed. As the day went on, you finally settled for the amount of time spent.

“Thank you for the help today Korra,” you said and bowed to her in gratitude.

“It’s my job to help you, Y/N. Please don’t thank me. Besides, I enjoy working with you. I know you’ll always choose the best path to go on and I’m excited to see where you’ll end up.” Korra said with much meaning to her last few sentences. You understood what she meant. She disappeared into thin air as she returned to the spirit world. You sighed as you felt relief she was no longer there pressuring you into becoming the hero you can’t be. You turned to the boys.

“So...you guys ready to head back?”

——————————————————————————

On the ride home, the boys all hung around the back while you sat near Rumor’s horns in silence. Your mind wandering to your choices. Light or dark. You’ve always been in the dark though. It was the life you’ve always known. Granted, you didn’t like it, but you’ve already done so many horrible things, there was no way being good was even an option right now

‘Shigaraki..Korra..Kurogiri..Aizawa..Dabi.....Bakugou’ you thought of all the impactful people in your life..but Bakugou? You barely knew him, but you knew in your heart, he definitely meant something to you. To snap you outta your thoughts was the man himself. Bakugou had gone to join you up front.

“Hey” he said.

“..hey back.” You replied.

“Soo..Whats up with you?” He asked.

“Umm...not much. Just..seeing my mentor..makes me think about..a lot.” You explained to him as you looked at the sky.

“A lot like...” he pressed you for details.

“Like....sentimental stuff. What kind of person I wanna be, what I wanna do with my life..choosing paths.” You briefly explained. You couldnt let him know too much, no matter how bad your body yearned to tell him the truth.

“Well...I could predict most of that stuff for you.” Bakugou said, relaxing his shoulders.

“What do you mean?” You asked him.

“I see a lot of great things for you, princess. You’re an amazing person already, and when you grow up you’re gonna be an amazing hero too. Kicking evil’s ass and all that.” He explained. But you only felt sorry. He didn’t know you at all. At least, not the real you. This fact only saddened you.

“I wish..” you whispered. You only fell deeper into sadness, and noticing this, Bakugou did the unexpected. He grabbed you and held you in his arms.

“You’re amazing, Y/N. Never forget that.” He said calmly, like he was 100% sure. You released silent tears and let the wind dry them. Along the journey home, the scent of caramel invaded your senses. It soothed you and brought you to a land of happiness. You cuddled into Bakugou a little more as a blush grew on both of your faces. You both agreed on one thing though. This felt so right.

As you landed, the boys in the back headed inside after thanking you for the trip. Rumor changed back and you and Bakugou moved his saddle back to its place beside the building. As you and Bakugou continued to walk, he started up a conversation.

“You know, you’re pretty strong but I could still take you down easily, Princess.” He said with a cocky attitude.

“Oh? Is that fact? Cuz I’d bet You’d get your ass handed to you by moi,” you said.

“Really? How about a little competition?” He wagered.

“I’m listening,” you said.

“We have a little sparring match, if you win you get whatever you want, if I win..i don’t know, maybe..you’ll let me take you out on a date?” He asked hesitantly. This shocked you, but you smirked nonetheless.

“Is this you’re way of trying to ask me out?” You teased.

“Sort of..” he said nervously. This was his first time asking anybody out and his first crush too.

“Well then why don’t we skip the fight and I’ll let you take me out next Saturday? Deal?” You asked.

“That’s perfectly fine by me,” he said excitedly. Bakugou began to ramble on about something else but you got distracted. As you looked over his shoulder, you saw Principle Nezu holding on to some documents and trying to hide them. He seemed alert as he made his way to what appeared to be Mr. aizawa’s room.

“Umm, I’ll talk to you later Baku- Katsuki! I’ve gotta go.” You said as you walked off to find Nezu, leaving Bakugou in confusion as Rumor followed you into the dorms.

Running through the hallways was getting you nowhere. So you asked Rumor to track his scent. Finally catching up to Nezu, you saw him enter Aizawa’s room and you saw the door shut. You pressed your ear to it, trying to make out whatever conversation they were having, but you couldn’t hear anything. You did however hear them walking closer to the door, and so you and Rumor hid around the corner. You saw both Nezu and Aizawa walk out and so you took the opportunity to scope the scene. You walked into the room and saw the files on the desk. As you read through them, you saw it was trip to what seemed to be some sort of battle competition. As you read through the papers, you saw it was exactly that. Hero schools would travel to one designated area and start the race. Along the path you would run into other schools and battle. Winner earns their school 12 grand and the participating students get a week off.

To anyone else, this would seem like a good time, to you, this was an opportunity. You took photos of the papers and ran off with Rumor to your room. In the privacy of your dorm, you sent the photos to the league and contacted them through the earring.

“Hello? Shigaraki? Dabi?” You said into the earring.

“Right here, Titania.” It was Dabi’s voice. “Whatcha need?”

“I’ve got intel you and the league might wanna hear~” you said with a playful voice, however at the same time, you felt uneasy.

“Go on,” he said.

You hesitated before speaking, but went on anyway. “In 3 days, UA will be sending class 1-A and 1-B to this competition where they’ll battle other schools. It’s in a forest area where a race will be held. It’s the perfect place for the league to attack. Come and weaken their forces.”

“Sounds like a plan, little mouse. Good work.” He said into the jewelry.

“I’ll send you my coordinates the day we go. See you soon.” You said and turned off the device. You couldn’t help but feel guilty about this whole thing. Why?

“Hey Y/N? You in there?” Bakugou said from the other side of the door while knocking. Oh yeah, that’s why. Somehow, that loveable blondie made a footprint on you and now you can’t get him off your mind. After what he said about you being so amazing, you couldn’t fight back that fuzzy feeling you got whenever you thought of him or whenever he was around. You got up to answer the door.

“Hey! Katsuki! What are, uh, what are you doing here?” You asked.

“Uhh..I don’t know. Had some free time, thought I’d come hang with you and Rumor.” He said with a shy smile. A smile you’ve learned to love. You looked at the time. 1:44. You figured you could use a break day.

“How about this? Come inside and let me get ready, and we could spend the day together.” You offered. You were under a lot of stress with these conflicted feelings of light and dark and Katsuki felt like a break from it all. He was your little escape haven from the chaos.

“Heh, I thought our date was next Saturday,” he teased as he walked through your door.

“Well, our first official date. This can be more like us hanging out.” You said.

“Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do on a date?” He asked.

“I- oh shut up! You know what I mean!” You said in a flustered manner. Katsuki only laughed at your behavior and called you a little dumbass. You went to your wardrobe and asked for a little help.

“Wanna help me pick out an outfit?” You asked and Bakugou nodded and walked your way. He noticed how your closet pretty much screamed “Instagram baddie” and was impressed. He looked around and finally made his decision.

“The letterman black and white jacket, leave it open to show off the white tube top. Put that on with those light washed skinny jeans and put on these casual black heels.” He said as he dropped them all on you. The way he threw them all messed with your hair and so you huffed the piece covering your face out of your way.

“They’re called Heeled Ankle Boots.” You corrected him.

“Yeah yeah, go get dressed,” he said pushing you towards your bathroom.

“Oh? You sure you don’t want me to get dressed right here?” You teased, causing Bakugou to blush intensely. “I’m kidding.” You said before walking into the room, finally allowing Katsuki to breathe.

When you came out the bathroom, you looked at yourself in the mirror.

“Huh..not bad, Katsuki.” You said, admiring yourself. Bakugou was too busy staring at you, but he finally snapped out of it when he heard you say his name with that sweet voice.

“Erm, heh, yeah. My parents are designers so I guess it’s just a natural thing.” He said.

“Yeah? Maybe I’ll have to try on their clothes and maybe model for them,” you joked.

“You’ve definitely got the looks for it,” Bakugou said biting his lip. He was being so serious. You turned and looked at him with a sincere smile.

“Ummm..you ready to go?” You asked a little nervous.

“Yeah, c’mon.” He said dragging you to the front. Rumor follow you.

“Oh, stop it Rumor. You can hang here for a bit by yourself can’t you? Besides, the dorm is filled with plenty of people for you to spend time with.” You said petting his head, but you knew he wanted to go just to make sure you were okay. “If I need you, I’ll blow the whistle and call for you, okay?” You said to reassure him. He finally allowed you to go with Bakugou.

Katsuki took you to a nice cafe just to hang out. You talked, ate, joked around, and all and all just grew closer. Something about him just made you feel safe. The way he would look at you, give you that charming smile, and that time when he held you in his arms made you feel all warm inside.

“Hey dumbass. You’re staring.” Bakugou said.

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

“Hmph!” You grunted as you used your water bending to take his drink out of his cup and lift it over his head.

“Give it back Y/N,” he said. You messed with him though, and you glided his drink all around him.

“Oh, c’mon! Have a little fun and enjoy the magic show.” You playfully said. You had enough and placed his drink back in his cup. You both laughed and talked a little more before getting up to walk around town.

“Hey, Katsuki look! A festival!” You said as you ran to it leaving Bakugou to chase after you. You both enjoyed the booths and snacked on the street food venues. You played games and won each other prizes. You know, the cliche? As you both walked around some more, you saw something that reminded you of your time on the streets.

“Woah, look at that!” You pointed to a group sitting around a man sitting at a table.

“What is that?” Bakugou asked.

“It’s a quick way to earn money. This guy has 3 shells and a stone. He moves the stone around with the shells and you just have to guess which shell the stone is under. I never played growing up because I had nothing to offer, but now I do and this time I can use my ‘quirk’ to sense where the stone is!” You excitedly said.

“How can your quirk do that?” He questioned you.

“Ummm....” you were looking for an answer until fortunately a man lost the game and screamed out in pity and anger. “Oh look! It’s open! Let’s go!” You said dragging Bakugou to the stand.

“Well, hello there kids! Here to play?” The man asked.

“Yes sir! And I can offer you $20!” You said. A pretty decent deal. The man agreed and put up his own 20 and began to shuffle the shells. Using your earth bending, you felt where the stone was going and when he stopped the shuffling, you pointed to the correct shell.

“Thats some fancy guessing you got there young lady. How about you say we make this more interesting?” He offered.

“More interesting how?” You asked.

“More interesting like you throw in your friend’s fancy chain and I’ll bargain with $100, and thats more interesting.” He explained.

You snatched Bakugou’s chain and spoke. “I’ll do it for $300” you said. The man agreed, foolishly thinking he’d win. As he began to shuffle again, you sensed the stone and at the end of his little show, he attempted to flick the stone into his sleeve and keep it there. To stop this from happening, you used your earth bending to pull the stone from going into his sleeve and kept it under the shell. You made your pick.

“Sorry young Lady but- WHAT?” The man was shock to see the stone placed under one of the shells, more so, the correct shell.

“I won!” You said and grabbed the money and Bakugou’s chain as you both ran off. You laughed as Bakugou only scolded you.

“Y/N! You can’t just scam the guy like that!” He said.

“Oh lighten up Katsuki! Jeez, you always have a stick up your ass?” You joked. “Besides, it’s not like I did anything wrong. I only cheated because he was cheating too. I cheated a cheater,” you said explaining your logic. It kind of made sense to Bakugou so he sighed and went along with it.

“I guess you’re right,” he gave in.

“Of course I am,” you said flashing him the smile he craved to see, “now let’s go! There’s a firework show starting soon and I know the perfect spot!”

You dragged Bakugou to a place a little far from the center of town. When you arrived, you showed him a billboard sign. You guys had already been out for awhile and last time you checked the time in town it was 6:30, now after the walk it was 7:00.

“Ta-da!” You said while giving jazz hands to the tall sign. Bakugou just looked up in confusion.

“What am I looking at?”

“A billboard dummy! It’ll give us a great view of the fireworks! All we have to do is get up there, now c’mon!” You said but Bakugou pulled you back.

“We can’t go up there! It’s illegal,” he said but you only rolled your eyes.

“And do you see how stupid that is? What’s the worst that could happen from us going up there and why would they need to enforce that kinda law anyway?” You said.

“To stop people from vandalizing property.” Bakugou explained to you.

“Well do we look like the type to vandalize?” You said.

“Well no, but-“

“But nothing! We’ll be fine Katsuki! I promise. You’ll enjoy the view.” You pleaded. Bakugou still wasn’t fully convinced so you pressed up against him while hugging his arm. “Pleaseeee Katsuki?” You begged which finally made him give in.

He slightly smiled at you before telling you to hold onto his neck.

“For what?” You asked.

“Just trust me,” and so you did. When you were secure, he blasted you both into the sky and landed on top of the sign. It was dark and a little cold, so you shivered and Bakugou noticed. He held you in his arms to keep you warm and it worked well. A comfortable silence fell upon you two as you just enjoyed each other’s warmth.

“I’m really glad you came to UA.” Bakugou said in a gruff voice. You smiled up at him.

“Oh yeah? Why?” You asked.

“Cuz... I got to meet your dumbass. You’re beautiful, you’re strong...you’re amazing....and I really like you.” He said while looking down at you.

“Heh...I uh, I really like you too.” You said. You both began to lean in and here came that feeling again. No one else in the world but you two. As your lips grazed each other, you both jumped at the sound of the firework’s loud sound. You laughed it off and stared at the pretty colors that illuminated the dark sky. Each one allowing your smile to grow even more. Bakugou, kind of bummed out on having another kiss ruined, admired you and your beauty. He smiled as he saw your pearly whites and he just held you closer as you looked up in awe. This was a good enough night for him.

You ended up using the whistle to call for Rumor to help you guys get back to the dorms quickly. Rumor was just happy to be of service. When you landed, you and Bakugou walked hand in hand through the dorms. As you entered the common room, the Bakusquad set their eyes upon you two.

“Oouuuuu~” they all said noticing the connected hands and bashful faces. Bakugou simply told them to shut up as he dragged you to the floor your dorm rooms were on.

“Thanks for the fun night, Katsuki.” You said to him in your doorway.

“No problem. Kinda wish my kiss didn’t get disrupted for the second time this week but I still had a great night with you, princess.” You laughed at his little complaint. You went up and pecked his cheek, just like he would do to you.

“Goodnight, Cutie” you said and shut your door. Bakugou sighed as he smiled, listening to his heart beat wildly. He walked on to his dorm room to get ready for the night. School was tomorrow and he had a grandpa schedule to follow.

——————————————————————————

Behind the closed door, you sighed in bliss. You felt your heart go crazy at the thought of your little crush. Your crush. Crush. Damnit, that bastard had you wrapped around his finger. Under different circumstances, you wouldn’t have minded, but your with the league of villains. Bakugou is a future pro, you’re a low life villain. There’s no way he would fall for you when he found out the truth. You felt a little hurt at that fact, but you understood. It had to be this way. Awakening you from your thoughts was Dabi’s voice coming from the communication device.

“I’m here, Dabi. What is it?” You questioned.

“Don’t think I didnt see your little scene with whats his face on the billboard. Are you falling for UA’s resident hot head?” Dabi asked.

“What were you doing out in the forest?” You asked in shock. The league was not supposed to find out about this little..whatever you had with Bakugou!

“I was out on a walk, now answer my question. Do you like the little hero wannabe?” Dabi pressed on. You had to think. Did you like Bakugou? You knew you felt something towards him but you were still trying to figure out exactly what it was. If it was love you would openly admit it, but you were just in like with the guy, you weren’t sure of your feelings yet or even if you would dare pursue them.

“....n-no.” You replied. You felt in your heart and mind that you just lied to yourself. It hurt you a little too much by just saying that.

“Good. Because you’re a villain. Bakugou Katsuki has a whole future ahead of him. He wouldn’t want a villain scum like you hanging around.” He said and ended the call.

You let silent tears fall down your face as you placed the earring down and fell onto your bed. You were just villain scum. Underserving of anything good. You weren’t anything good at all. Your path was darkness. You were sure! But Bakugou Katsuki made you second guess yourself on that choice. Could you be good? Could you follow him to the light?

Unsure, you got ready for bed and decided to sleep this off. Once this whole operation was over, Bakugou would be out of your life and you wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore. But could you really stand to be around without him with you? You’ve only known the guy for a few days, and you’re this attached to him. You sighed to yourself as Rumor fell asleep.

“This is gonna be hell.”

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