#i was staring at the ceiling.. and i really felt the presense of night and remembered how endless it used to feel
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#my art#some bg elements... who am i#once again posting bc i am filled w thoughts and feelings#i feel so nostalgic...#its a warm night and im lying in the dark#the light of my computer glowing blue in the corner#listening to music from my childhood#i was staring at the ceiling.. and i really felt the presense of night and remembered how endless it used to feel#made me wonder#when was the last time i could go to bed without worrying abt the things i should do the next day#i dunno. these days night has felt so burdensome and limiting. so much pressure and so little rest#i remember looking out the window at night and seeing the sky tinted pink with light pollution#honestly i always thought it was beautiful. the whole night was dawn.. and there was so much time to enjoy it#and i would explore all my little thoughts and ideas and worries and fears and wishes#and somehow id fall asleep#idk what i even think about these days#i just stress about the small stupid things and how i need to sleep and how desperate i am to distract myself from that anxiety#so ofc i cant sleep lol#ahh i miss hearing the sound of the train in the middle of the night#i need to work on letting my thoughts flow freely again.. instead of all these controlled thoughts about what i should do and how and when#i can just feel my little brain shrinking from the lack of breath#i miss thinking and reflecting and dreaming and imagining and all that shit#what am i doinggg man#how did i let my head get this clogged up#fuckkkk ok well anyways im glad im having this time in my feels lmfaoo#ahhh i miss going to the beach at night and lying in the sand and seeing the darkness stretched out endlessly and the city lights in the#distance and just talking about anything thru the night without a single worry about sleeping early to go to work or whatever#ahhhhhhhhhhhhh#i miss wasting time pointlessly and enjoying it without being so painfully aware of the time going by#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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đ- A memory from a journal/diary entry (bonus if it involves Hanzo)
Memories [ o p e n ] - @kathexismaniaâ
 Flameâs journal has always been a secret to everyone, keeping it well-hidden in her room after all, she doesnât write much on its pages unless itâs something she really wants to remember in her future days.
  After a hard-training afternoon with her Grandmaster, Flame decided to take the night off from meditation and instead lay down on her futon while her mind spaces out as she starts staring blankly into her ceiling, losing herself in her thoughts, itâs just one of those lazy nights, her muscles feel slightly sore even after a long, steamy bath. After a few moments of silence, her heterochromic orbs roll to the side to look at her bottom drawer, thinking of an specific object she remembered she had hidden in it-- A journal.
â By the Gods...When was the last time I wrote something? â  She mumbled to herself as she let out a small giggle.
 She rolls over, her belly laying down on the the hard surface of her floor and lifts herself in all fours to crawl to the furniture and kneels down upon reaching it, her fingerss hook on the handle to pull open said drawer before taking out what appears to be her journal, the poor old-looking notebook couldâve seen better days but there it was.Â
Flame couldnât help but to smile as her fingertips brush some of the dust off the hard cover before opening it, flipping some of the pages ending up landing on a random moment from her past.
19/04
 Today was a strange day, I wouldnât be writting it down if it wasnât but here I am.Â
While I was hiking I came across a a building-- a temple, but a temple sorrounded by beautifully autumn colored trees, the wind chimes and the relaxing sound of leaves, it felt peaceful and..warm? I wanted to go in and explore but apparently a clan of ninjas reside there.
Hmm, I might try sneaking in but I must be cautious just in case..
20/04
  Itâs the middle of the night and I managed to successfully sneak into the temple without being noticed-- thatâs good. I saw them, I saw the ninjas training with their grandmaster. The Grandmaster though-- He appears to have the power to summon fire aswell! This is going to sound crazy but I wonder if he could teach me to control my flames, Iâve tried for so long and I come to realize that I canât do it by myself.
I will try to sneak by again and see what methods he uses to control his powers. I hope I donât get caught, that guy looks intimidating......
Heâs also pretty handsomeÂ
The last part of that sentence is scribbled over.
By the Gods, ignore that last part..
24/04
 So-- I got caught by someone patroling the gardens late at night, a guy apparently named Takeda(?). He literally used whips to tie my legs around and make me fall! ugh, sneaky. Luckily, I wasnât executed on the spot, when the grandmaster came up to me I couldnât speak my intentions,his presense sent shivers down my spine, his stare was intimidating....(plus he is a huge guy!)
 Somehow I gather up the strength and courage to say something at that moment and those words were âPlease help me control my powers...â In the end we made some sort of âdealâ: Be trained to control my powers in exchange for joining the clan. Of course, I agreed and now here I am,Â
 I am now a member of the Shirai-Ryu..Who wouldâve thought, huh? I guess this is the start of a new life, maybe this is exactly what I needed. Well, I must go get some rest, tomorrow is my first day of training with my new grandmaster--
Hanzo Hasashi.
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