#i was so tempted to cry about how people are so mean when characterizing them but i'm stronger then that

[wrathevil]

what do you like about Suns the most?

they have a sun motif and they/them pronouns i think thats what got me HAHAHA. nah but morally grey characters go ham for me, like look at that dude just look at them. they get mischaracterized so often and it makes me fall to the floor in agony but thats part of the fun. but also the sun motif......

also i dont think i could pick a favorite. all their lines are so interesting to me and i didnt realize a walking calculator could be so airheaded (probably not the right word but i hope you understand) and out of touch sometimes conversation wise like uhmmm ok pal. i mean this in the nicest way possible but i think you got something....

but i guess them talking about being worried for spearmaster to nsh gets me in the feels. they love their cat sooo much it hurts i can never draw them without spears anymore

anyways take these doodles from awhile ago i love them

[dontbipanicjonsa]

Been thinking about Dark!D*ny and

I think for me, it comes down to two things:

The utter hypocrisy re: her supposed abolitionist ways

The escalation of her power and the destruction she wreaks

Because I can't really fault her for smothering Drogo. I can't really fault her for letting Viserys die. I can't really fault her for murdering the shit out of Kraznys. I can't fault her for freeing slaves (as if). I can't even fault her for wanting revenge.

Let me explain-

I think if we compare the capture of the Lhazareen and the capture of Meereen, it paints a very clear picture of where D*ny is headed.

The Lhazareen

Ok. First, the whole 'D*ny has no power' argument has to stop. She's the khaleesi. Her husband is the khal. Of course she has power.

I'm NOT saying Drogo isn't absolutely monstrous to her. I'm not saying she chose to marry him. I'm not commenting on their relationship at all.

In a patriarchy, (upper class) women gain property/power/control over others in exchange for sexual/reproductive service. So D*ny, simply by virtue of being the khal's wife, or simply because she's pregnant with his kid (neither of which were her choice) has power.

For comparison, Cersei, who is abused by her husband, the king, still derives power from her position as Queen and mother of the princes/princess. See what I mean?

?? Drogo decides they're gonna sail to Westeros and gives his rousing speech because D*ny was almost assassinated. The attack on the Lhazareen was done in service of D*ny's conquest of Westeros. Let's repeat.

The Lhazareen were attacked to further D*ny's interests.

The Lhazareen were attacked to further D*ny's interests.

No, it wasn't for Rhaego, he's a fucking foetus he doesn't HAVE interests. It's not for Drogo, he doesn't give two shits about Westeros. IT"S FOR D*NY. And that is her 'power' in action. Her power, that she derives through her husband, because PatRiarChy. But power.

And you know what? Sure. It's fine. She didn't know what a bloodbath it was going to be. That's not her fault. And yeah, she IS ready to accept the bloodshed as necessary collateral. That is...a bit more questionable. But she does try to help some women.

Does she only help them because she can see their suffering? Probably. There's plenty of suffering not in her direct line of sight that she allows. But ok. Sure. It's not her job to save everyone (nevermind that they're suffering to further her interests).

The whole 'save them by marrying them to their rapists' thing makes me more sad than enraged. It's tragic. It's D*ny, making women marry their rapists in the same book where she married her rapist...thinking she's ok, thinking they would be ok too. It's the cycle of abuse in motion, right before our eyes.

This is an explanation I accept. All that bullshit about how powerless D*ny is? Pls. Women and children are being enslaved right there on the same page, so D*ny can win the IT, and she's powerless ?? stfu

Ok. I get it. She's not powerless, but how far does her power extend? COULD she have gotten away with getting all the newly enslaved Lhazareen freed? We'll never know. Does that absolve her?

Slaves, Dany thought. Khal Drogo would drive them downriver to one of the towns on Slaver's Bay. She wanted to cry, but she told herself that she must be strong. This is war, this is what it looks like, this is the price of the Iron Throne.

NO.

This- the capture and enslavement of the Lhazareen people- is a direct consequence of Viserys' ambitions, which is a torch that D*ny has now willingly taken up. THAT ^^^ is a price she's willing to pay, or rather- make others pay.

Buuuut it's fine. She's inexperienced, and her power is certainly limited, and hey she tried. Sure. Moving on.

Meereen

(TW: mentions of rape)

Fast forward four books and D*ny is approximately 100x times more powerful than she was in the Lhazareen scene. Let's see how she does now-

A boy came, younger than Dany, slight and scarred, dressed up in a frayed grey tokar trailing silver fringe. His voice broke when he told of how two of his father's household slaves had risen up the night the gate broke. One had slain his father, the other his elder brother. Both had raped his mother before killing her as well. The boy had escaped with no more than the scar upon his face, but one of the murderers was still living in his father's house, and the other had joined the queen's soldiers as one of the Mother's Men. He wanted them both hanged.

I am queen over a city built on dust and death. Dany had no choice but to deny him. She had declared a blanket pardon for all crimes committed during the sack. Nor would she punish slaves for rising up against their masters.

xxx

A former slave came, to accuse a certain noble of the Zhak. The man had recently taken to wife a freedwoman who had been the noble's bedwarmer before the city fell. The noble had taken her maidenhood, used her for his pleasure, and gotten her with child. Her new husband wanted the noble gelded for the crime of rape, and he wanted a purse of gold as well, to pay him for raising the noble's bastard as his own. Dany granted him the gold, but not the gelding. "When he lay with her, your wife was his property, to do with as he would. By law, there was no rape." Her decision did not please him, she could see, but if she gelded every man who ever forced a bedslave, she would soon rule a city of eunuchs.

SO anyway how is D*ny rating on the 'tried to prevent rape' scale?

She even went so far as to summon Irri, hoping her caresses might help ease her way to rest, but after a short while she pushed the Dothraki girl away. Irri was sweet and soft and willing, but she was not Daario.

Oh look she's in the negative :/

How's she doing on the slavery front? She's got all the power now...

"Your slave Missandei." Jhiqui had a taper in her hand.

"My servant. I have no slaves." Dany did not understand. "Why does she weep?"

xxx

There was no slavery in the free city of Pentos. Nonetheless, they were slaves.

...

D*enerys spends five books gaining power. How does this affect the condition of her people? Is the condition of the Meereenese better than the condition of the Lhazareen had been, all the way back in the first book? No. It's worse.

People have still been raped. People have still been enslaved/remained enslaved. People have starved. People have been brutally murdered. And at a much larger scale than book 1.

This is what it comes down to. D*ny is a villain because her climb to power is characterized by death and destruction, always. Isn't that the trademark of a villain?

D*ny is a girl who truly believes in her own PR, but when you look at her words and actions-

"The Good Master has said that these eunuchs cannot be tempted with coin or flesh," Dany told the girl, "but if some enemy of mine should offer them freedom for betraying me . . ."

"They would kill him out of hand and bring her his head, tell her that," the slaver answered. "Other slaves may steal and hoard up silver in hopes of buying freedom, but an Unsullied would not take it if the little mare offered it as a gift. They have no life outside their duty. They are soldiers, and that is all."

xxx

"No," she pleaded. "Save him, and I will free you, I swear it. You must know a way … some magic, some …"

...how much of her actions are truly altruistic? How much is performative?

Despite her anti-slavery rhetoric, D*ny consistently benefits from slavery- and slavery flourishes.

Despite her 'oh no I don't wanna bring death and destruction anywhere', her actions continue to bring exactly that- and it never stops her from doing it all over again the next time.

Not to dismiss her internal struggle. But really. Being upset at the thought that you might be a bad person doesn't make you a good person. For that matter, being worried if you're going mad or not...doesn't mean you're not (not that I'm saying she is). Seriously, where did that logic even come from? Ultimately, her internal struggle makes her a more compelling character, sure, but it doesn't actually make her a better person.

The point is, her story is absolutely rooted in hypocrisy. Her destructiveness only escalates with her power. Her so-called good intentions never pan out- because her own actions undermine them. And because she has the self-awareness of a pigeon, she never gets better.

She IS the villain who thinks she's a hero. She isn't just a villain because she's done bad things, but because she's utterly unaware (or deliberately obtuse) of the bad things she's done, and so she's incapable of learning, and so she's only getting worse.

Take a step outside her POV and it suddenly becomes clear.

Let's recap.

D*ny has-

Wayy more power in Meereen. Less in Lhazareen

D*ny did-

Less to prevent rape in Meereen. More in Lhazareen

D*ny benefitted from-

Slavery in Meereen. Slavery in Lhazareen

D*ny was-

A slaver in Meereen. A slaver in Lhazareen

D*ny wreaked-

Death and destruction in Meereen. Death and destruction in Lhazareen.

D*ny, riding high on her power-

Ordered the murder of children. And much more.

Power is NOT good for D*ny.

[mysticdragon3md3]

I find it endlessly amusing how after 10 years, my OTPs have circled back onto the same type. lol

I realize the Blue Lions have Dedue, and Ashe used to be a commoner. But Ashe got adopted into a higher class. Meanwhile, the Golden Deer has 3 commoners who stay commoners.

And Yukimura probably had commoners serving under him, but Sengoku Basara (2009) takes a lot of time to emphasize that Masamune's commoner associates are named, get screentime, voice his effect on them, and spent time closely serving under him. Meanwhile, Yukimura's only named subordinates seem to also be lords or ninja, more than basic commoners.

When referring to "self-doubt & a phase of failing as a commander", I'm specifally referring to Sengoku Basara (2009) season 2 for Yukimura. That's pretty much most of what he does that season. And he made a critical decision error as a commander that got one of his major subordinates killed and probably also unnecessarily killed some of his other soldiers. Though I am vaguely aware that in one of the videogames, Yukimura similary spent most of the story in self-doubt, after thinking Takeda was dying, and I think he ran his army around doing actions without enough thought.

And of course, with Dimitri, I'm referring to his post-time-skip phase wherein he went full "boar" and refused to properly lead his army. Though after regaining more mental stability and becoming a proper general, he still gets haunted by self-doubts for the rest of his life.

When I spell "Strength" with a capital "S", I'm usually shortening my term "True Strength" and referring to both a mental and emotional fortitude, resilience, and frequently an iron resolve in Compassion. That's just my personal philosophy in defining "True Strength". Personally, I see 2 definitions of "strength" that both converge at Compassion, to define "True Strength". 1) In an amoral sense, strength is resilience in maintaining one's own "soul pattern"/emotions/resolve, without being swayed or influenced by outside forces to change. 2) In terms of defining strength as the ability to do what is most difficult, in my opinion, Compassion is the most difficult. Not only do acts of Compassion often cost a range of efforts from some to exorbitant, but it can also require the enacter to put themselves into a vulnerable position. So it is often something only the strong can afford, or survive, or disregard fears of being vulnerable or taken advantage of. Therefore, in my personal opinion, converging the 2 definitions into an unwavering resolve in Compassion, is my personal definition of "True Strength".

So when I categorize Date Masamune as having Strength, I mean he is unwavering in his resolve towards Compassion. Sengoku Basara 2009 takes a lot of instances to reiterate that Masamune cannot be swayed, his Resolve is unquestioning, no one can stop him, slow him, or change his mind. His catch phase is "pressing onward" (translated as "full speed ahead"). One of his first scenes is charging ahead, disregarding Katakura's warnings for caution. (Notice that in Judge End, this is framed as foolish brashness, but in Sengoku Basara 2009, Katakura smiles and continues following without worry, because he completely trusts Masamune's instincts and decision-making. Because everyone trusts Masamune 2009 to always make decisions based in the best ideals/Compassion.) This is reiterated throughout season 2, when Masamune makes allies and each of them ask him to change directions, but the most they can do is temporarily slow him down, because he doesn't stop moving forward. This Strength directed in outward Compassion towards others is almost unexpected after considering Masamune's historical backstory. One would think that someone betrayed by his mother would become disillusioned and spiteful towards the world. It's a basic supervillain backstory to be betrayed by a trusted figure, especially during fundamental development. But instead, Masamune seems to want only to protect others and bring the whole country under his command, so that the whole country of people can be under his umbrella of protection. The 2009 series only mentions his regret from one of his early battles where lots of his soldiers died, being his major motivation in protecting others, specifically his soldiers. But I've headcanon'ed a lot that can be extrapolated from his historical backstory, that when in conjunction to his actions in Sengoku Basara 2009, portrays a Masamune who has dedicated himself towards Compassion, despite his tragic backstory.

Similarly, Claude's backstory is tragic, yet he emerges with True Strength. I've heard criticisms within the fandom that Claude growing up experiencing so much bullying and discrimination against his being biracial, could not believably yield a person dedicated towards Compassion. But I think that's just brainwashing from too many supervillain tropes telling us that traumatized and mentally ill people invariably become villains. I've heard it's more realistic that people who have experienced trauma, tragedy, or some kind of pain, actually are more likely to increase their ability to empathize/sympathize with others, consequently becoming more compassionate. (Mentioned in https://youtu.be/bHe2seINnE0 at 2:03/9:09; https://youtu.be/zaZYDK1RcEU) Claude experienced descrimination and bullying; he explicitly explains in FE3H canon that he wants to create a world where no one else has to experience that same pain. I really don't see why this can be an unbelievable characterization to some people, when most of the world admires Batman for literally that same reason. And I think that characters, like Claude, who react to trauma and hardship with altruism, demonstrate a True Strength in their characters. They haven't been broken by their trauma. They not only survive, but survive as people who still want to care for others. (Also why I love Natsume Takashi.)

I was tempted to include Dimitri in the category of "Emerged from tragic backstory with Strength and vowing to make world where no one will experience same pain". But he didn't emerge with the same level of flawless Strength that Masamune and Claude did. Dimitri certainly did resolve to protect others from ever experiencing the pain that he felt, after the Tragedy of Duscur. But he was also not as mentally stable. He was so repressed and internally conflicted (concerning his feelings of vengence, or sadness that didn't know how to be expressed as anything but anger, lest he break), that he didn't integrate his "boar" impulses/emotions until much later in his post-time-skip. I didn't feel that Dimitri was a fully reconcilled version of himself, until after he had accepted his "boar" emotions, stopped repressing his unresolved anger, and learned to express them more appropriately or at more appropriate times. After he became more mentally/emotionally stable, I have no doubt that he still can have episodes of rage, anti-social moods, or crippling survivor's guilt, but I think he no longer allows those feelings/episodes to push away the people he cares about or disregard his true personal desires to be kind/protective towards others. He knows how to deal with those feelings now. But he spent a long time not yet at that stable level, until much later. Until then, he was frankly wavering, conflicting with his personal resolve, denying his own ideals, and allowing his survivor's guilt manifesting as ghosts to sway him away from his true desires/motivations/values of Compassion. Dimitri was Weak for a time. So I can't say that he was in the same category of Strength as Masamune and Claude.

Dimitri's backstory of his father's death and idolizing Rodrigue, after he took him in, is information he canonically tells the player.

But I realize that Sengoku Basara 2009 never actually mentions a backstory like this for Yukimura. I'm actually referencing the takarazuka version of Sengoku Basara. In that play, they include a childhood backstory scene, where Yukimura's father was a subordinate of Takeda and died while protecting him. Young Yukimura blamed Takeda for his father's death and went to punch him out. Because Takeda understood that Yukimura needed catharsis and was trying to reconcile with his grief, Takeda allowed himself to be punched. But he also punched back. I think maybe to encourage Yukimura to keep going? I can't remember. But eventually, Yukimura punched out all his anger and only had energy left to finally cry, and Takeda said something that comforted him. From then on, he called Takeda "Oyakata-sama" and became completely devoted to him. This explained the origin of the running gag from the 2009 anime, wherein Takeda and Yukimura engage in fist fights as a form a bonding. (It's a shame that the video of these scenes was taken off YouTube. ;_; ) I don't know if "Sengoku Basara Sanada Yukimura-den" mentions how Yukimura's father dies, since he finally appeared in that game. So I'm referencing the takarazuka version.

There isn't really mention of Masamune's mother in the 2009 Sengoku Basara anime. The closest, was Masamune's maternal uncle appearing in the movie "The Last Party" that ended that anime series. But historically, after the real life Date Masamune survived smallpox at a young age, and lost sight in his right eye, there was a lot of dissent among the other high ranking people within his clan, concerning his continued position as the Date clan's head. A lot of this dissent was lead by his mother, who insisted that Masamune's younger brother should become the new clan leader instead. Some accounts say that to shut up accusations that Masamune was weak and that his faulty eye was just an advertised weakness that enemies would take advantage of on the battlefield, Masamune either pulled out his own right eye or ordered Katakura to do it. Apparently, that shut up everyone except his mother, who still continued to try undermining his position. I don't know if there was one instance of several, but she also tried to kill him through poisoning, to replace him with his brother. Because of this, Masamune's only choice was to kill his own little brother, which forced his mother to run back to her original clan. (I can only assume that Masamune didn't just kill his mother, because it's possible she indoctrinated his brother to ursurp him. So Masamune might have ended up eventually needing to kill his brother anyway.) Lots of us in the Sengoku Basara fandom like to headcanon that all of this happened for the Basara version of Masamune too.

It's my understanding that Cornelia implicated Dimitri's stepmother in the murder of his father and friends at the Tragedy of Duscur, but that things were still left canonically vague. Personally, the fact that Patricia was always kind to Dimitri, combined with the fact that Cornelia is proven duplicitous, I find it difficult to believe that Patricia intentionally betrayed Dimitri. The way Cornelia described it, she offered Patricia a chance to be reunited with her daughter Edelgard, Patricia confirmed that desire, then the Tragedy of Duscur happened. Given that Cornelia was already doing terrible things behind Patricia's back, like experimenting on Hapi, and Patricia being angry at Cornelia when she discovered Hapi, I doubt that Cornelia would have been fully truthful with Patricia. I imagine Cornelia tricked Patricia into opening a path or lowering some defenses to "allow a clandestine meeting with Edelgard", but then Cornelia would probably use it to sneak in enemies to kill Dimitri's father and friends. That's my headcanon theory on the Tragedy of Duscur anyway. So Dimitri was only *possibly* betrayed by his mother figure.

And that's my comparison between DateSana and DimiClaude/DMCL/ClauDimi. It continuously amazes me how similar these ships are and how my shipping has come full circle. lol

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Ya know what these self-indulgent Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow posts need? Self-indulgent banner art, that’s what.

Spoilers for issue #4!

Let’s start this off right with CREATOR CREDITS. Issue 4 of Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow is titled “Restraint, Endurance, and Passion.” Written by Tom King, Art by Bilquis Evely, Colors by Matheus Lopes, Letters by Clayton Cowles, and Edited by Brittany Holzherr. (w/ Assist. Editor: Bixie Mathieu & Senior Editor Mike Cotton)

THE STORY: 

Right, so this? This issue? Best one yet.

Also the bleakest of the bunch thus far; even though we don’t always see the brutality of the space pirates that Kara and Ruthye are following, there’s...the suggestion of it. The aftermath. And how Kara responds to it.

Okay, getting a little ahead of myself. BASIC PLOT SUMMARY: Ruthye and Kara continue their pursuit of Krem, who has taken up with Barbond’s Brigands.

The Brigands basically just. Murder and terrorize people, for profit.

Each planet they visit brings new horrors, as well as people who need Supergirl’s help.

And help she does.

KARA-CTERIZATION:

I yell a lot about the art on this book, and have, in fact, openly admitted that I’m primarily here for Evely and Lopes.

Well, that wily son-of-a-gun King went and wrote some of the best ‘Super’ stuff I’ve ever read and dang it, dang it, now I gotta yell about the words too. XD

Specifically, I wanna yell (in a good way!) about some words that occur towards the very end of the book.

Kara and Ruthye have Seen Some Things; things like genocide and mass grave sites and horrible violence, and upon reaching a planet where peaceful monks were slaughtered, Kara’s had enough, and needs to leave because if she screams, she’ll destroy what little is left of the monks’ monastery.

Here’s the text in full, because my gosh. It’s so good:

“What I write next I write based on my observations in those long-ago days at the side of the greatest warrior in the history of this august reality we all call home. It is important to note that my assertions do not rely on anything Supergirl said. It was not a subject we ever discussed or even approached, but nonetheless I believe it to be as true as the turning of worlds. You see, what is not well understood about the daughter of Krypton is that her power was not one of action but one of restraint, endurance, and passion. She did not choose to fire a beam from her eyes, or have breath of ice, or run faster than a speeding bullet. Or any of her other well-documented miracles. No, she held back her heat vision to look you in the face. She warmed her breath to converse with you. She slowed herself to walk by your side. Ever moment of every day, she suppressed the forces churning inside of her. All of the energy of a dead world that strained against her many barriers, eternally demanded to be released. I believe this effort hurt her. I believe she lived her life in pain. But I reiterate again, for I think it important enough to repeat--These beliefs are based on my time at her side, watching her as she moved through strife and sorrow. If you were to have asked her, I have little doubt she would have claimed that such as assertion was absurd. She would say she felt fine and well and then she’d as you if you needed any help.”

A long chunk of words, I know (this comic is DENSE!) but like. This is it. This is one of the defining attributes of the Supers--all that raw power at their disposal and they choose to help people, to be kind, to suppress that power for the benefit and safety of others.

HNNNNNNNG.

Hope, Help, and Compassion for All.

Whole lotta folks claimed at the outset of this book that King did not understand Kara, that he was a bad fit. And that may be so, I suppose--there’s a whole other discussion about like. The violence and swearing and ‘does that belong in a Supergirl book?’ But the characterization? Getting that Kara and Clark are just good people? 

King gets it. He got it in Superman: Up in the Sky and he gets it here, in Woman of Tomorrow.

Other things King gets! Kara is stubborn! Kara is passionate! Kara is going to fix things, even if the effort of doing so hurts her, physically, emotionally, and mentally!

(Fuuuuuuun fact for the crowd saying that Woman of Tomorrow is vastly superior to the CW show: TV Kara is ALSO all of those things! King isn’t pulling this stuff out of thin air. It’s almost like...gosh. I don’t know! Both the show and Tom King are pulling from the character’s comic history, or something!!!! HOW NOVEL.) 

Like, seriously. There’s a lot of overlap. Stop pitting Karas against each other!

Anyways!

I promised art, so here is art!

Oh, right, forgot to mention, Kara literally THROWS HERSELF INTO THE SUN to express her grief and anger, so as to not cause that unnecessary destruction. She gives new meaning to the phrase: Set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. 

More art yelling: GOTTDAMN, the way Evely draws Kara just colliding with the surface of the sun and then the way Kara’s hair like...becomes the flames...

I am FEELING FEELINGS. HOW DARE.

Also, props to King and Cowles; King for deciding to have that initial scream, Cowles for the way the letters burst forth from the point of impact on the sun, and then back to King who decided that it would just be...devastating silent screaming from Kara, for the remainder of the scene. 

Back to the characterization, I just wanted to highlight something I mentioned...earlier on, I think? In these posts? But haven’t brought up recently, and that is how this book has not once brought up Zor-El, and I think Superman only got a quick mention in issue 2.

Honestly, I think that’s gotta be some kind of record.

It’s so refreshing. Not because I think there should never be mentions of Clark, or anything--I love that boy--but because so much of modern Supergirl comic drama is mined from the same like, angsting over her place compared to Clark, or her crazy sometimes-a-supervillain dad. 

There is no Clark and Kara drama here, no manufactured friction, because it’s just. A cool Supergirl story! 

Gonna keep going, but let’s do it with some more...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTT!!!!

Once again, Mat Lopes is all over the dang place with his palettes, it’s marvelous.

Each new planet gives Evely the opportunity to go hog wild on the worldbuilding and design, and similarly! Each new locale is an opportunity for Lopes to set the tone with colors. Like, here, towards the beginning of the book, we’ve got a planet bathed in this warm, pale yellow/orange light. 

(Quick note: “Sure, yeah, I get it. We all have our duties. And it’s mine as a neighbor to do what I can to help you with yours. Please.” A+ Kara content. We love to see it. And then locating the remains of the alien’s daughter, so that they can go visit the grave site and have some emotional closure???? It’s just. So. Touching.)

Anyways, back to colors.

Like!!!! LOOK AT THAT JUMP. From the soft, almost pastoral feel of the delicate oranges and yellows to HARD GREEN, PINK, AND PURPLE. (Difficult colors to pull off in print, I might add.) 

(This is also an interesting scene, character-wise, because I think it helps re-contextualize some earlier stuff with Kara. Like, I’m mostly thinking that incident on the bus, where she was swearing at the passengers as the space dragon was about to destroy them. Here, we see Kara kind of...goad this alien woman into releasing her pent up emotions by yelling at her/getting her to fight, and you can clearly see at the end of it that Kara did not mean the things she said, because check this out:

She goes and gives her a hug once the woman is able to finally cry.

It’s not ‘Kara is being mean, Kara is swearing at her’, it’s, ‘Kara has an unorthodox solution to a problem, and she’s gonna FIX that problem, NO MATTER WHAT.’

Circling back to the bus thing--again, that could be an instance of ‘unorthodox approach to a weird situation that Kara is going to handle because lives are at stake.’)

But also, DIG THAT KIRBY KRACKLE, BAY-BEEEEE!

And a little Strange Adventures easter egg! The Pykkts! 

(I think those guys are unique to the Black Label series, rather than deep Adam Strange lore, but don’t quote me on that.)

Moving on to YET ANOTHER PALETTE, one I’ve dubbed, ‘Treasure Planet Purple/Grey’

Love Ruthye’s snoozing against the door, waiting for Kara.

Also, just as striking as the colors of the environment, are the colors used on Kara. 

If you compare this page with the previous one, Kara’s eyes are a paler shade of blue, and the red-rimmed look on her eyes here is not as intense as the red-rimmed look we saw back in issue one, when she was confronting Krem. 

All of which to say! There’s a pale, haunted quality to both the linework and the colors. Like. We know Kara has Seen Some Things. But she’s shoving all that stuff down to protect Ruthye, to save Krypto, and to stop these monsters, and you get all of that WITH COLORS AND LINES ON A PAGE.

I love it, I love it so much.

OTHER BOOKS WISH THEY HAD THIS LEVEL OF CHARACTER ACTING, I TELL YA! THEY WISH THEY HAD THIS BEAUTIFUL ALCHEMY OF INKER, COLORIST, AND WRITER WORKING IN SUCH TIGHT TANDEM!

Ahem. XD

Alright, last bit of art, lest I just. Post the whole issue in here. (Which I’m honestly always tempted to do but Strong Feelings about Piracy hold me back.)

JUST HECKIN’ LOOK AT THAT BLUE, MAN. JUST LOOK AT IT. S’BEAUTIFUL.

And more stunning character acting from Evely. Like. Bottom middle panel. The expression, the tilt of her head and the shadows on her eyes...

*insert silent flailing here*

Oh, also, KRYPTO LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVESSSS (for now). 

I’m never right about these things, so I’m glad the one time I’ve correctly read a thing is when it involves Krypto not, ya know. Being dead. XD

Also absolutely love that Kara’s instinct is to send Ruthye home to protect her--once more leaning into that whole, ‘I’m going to protect you, even at great cost to myself’, though of course we know that she can’t send her home, not here, not now, just halfway through our journey. 

ERRRRRRGH, so mad we’re not getting twelve issues of this! CURSE YOU, POOR SUPERGIRL TRADE SALES! CURSE YOOOOOOU!

That said, King’s pacing? Has been phenomenal. I feel like Strange Adventures and even Mr. Miracle kinda...I’m not gonna say dragged, that’s not quite right. But it is more build up, I guess. Takes a while to get to the payoff.

Here, I think King is pushing things steadily along as he doesn’t have the benefit of an additional four issues, so he has to get to the point, so to speak. Keeps everything moving.

SOME FINAL, MISC. STUFF:

I’ve sort of glossed over the darker stuff from this issue, and I just wanna note that like. This is a book that features a bad guy getting stoned (in the death sentence way, not the drug way) on panel. Like. I can’t recommend this to children.

I can’t even really recommend it to some other Supergirl fans, because I know that the King elements will be too off-putting. 

It never feels like the book is going too far, though. At least in like an...exploitative way? If that makes sense?

The violence is handled with discretion, I guess is what I’m trying to convey. This could very easily tip over into like, gross shock factor territory, if not handled well, but I think the creative team pulls it off.

...Still wouldn’t hand this book to kids, though. XD

As mentioned, we’re halfway through this series! Can’t wait to see where it goes--every time I think I have this book figured out, it surprises me. So, like. Bring on the Dinosaur planet! With no sunlight! I wanna see how Lopes handles THAT. XD

(But Oh, OooooOOooh, we gotta wait until NOVEMBER.)

(Hhhnnnnng!)

(Then again, maybe that’s good; we’ve got the TV show in the meantime, and then once it ends we can pick right up with new Supergirl content just a few weeks later.)

(...Aw. Made myself a little sad, thinking about the TV show coming to an end.)

:C

So as not to end on that sad note, here once again is tiny, smushed Kara:

Give ‘em the ol razzle dazzle.

[ceasarslegion]

So im making this young pre-OT Luke Skywalker playlist right now and it made me think about how many reddit-type fanboys think he's whiny and over-emotional

But I never really got that vibe from him. I mean first of all, he's 19 in A New Hope, and in his early to mid 20s in Empire and Jedi, and have y'all ever met a 19-25 year old who wasn't still a bit emotionally unstable? With everything he's been through, I'm actually amazed at how mature he is for his age. He could've easily cracked under all that pressure, but he grit his teeth and braced his feet and stood strong to the bitter end. And I recently watched the OT again for the 500th time in my life because I was showing it to my sister, and I didn't really see him complain all that much, and he definitely didn't whine.

Sure, he was a bit hesitant and freaked out his first time on the Falcon and it made him a bit jumpy, but he also like, just saw his parental figures brutally die, his childhood home destroyed, and in two hours he's making his first ever trip into space, cut him some slack. He was having a recordly rough day. I'd say that was just some light acting out from all that emotion he was forced to bottle up, and I REALLY don't blame him. Fuck man, I'd be catatonic if I were in his position.

Other than that though, I think people perceive Luke as whiny and over-emotional because he doesn't really fit into this hyper-masculine role that most other male leads fill in mainstream cinema. He's shown crying on screen in every single OT film for starters, which is extremely rare for a male lead. He's not super built or tall or toned or muscular, he's more of a short king with a lithe figure and this really soft face with a bit of meat on his cheeks. He's also not an emotional brick wall like men are kind of expected to be. You know what Luke's feeling at every moment because it's written all over his face and his body language, and he's open to a fault about it.

I think that's why he's perceived that way tbh. Luke is very antithetical to what the typical Hollywood male lead is expected to be, which in itself is a product of toxic masculinity. Men aren't allowed to be emotional outside of anger and stoicism lest they be mistaken for homosexual (homophobia is also a massive part of toxic masculinity, which I think is why I love the gay Luke interpretation so much; it just makes him this all-encompassing spit in the face of most if not all aspects of toxic masculinity). But Luke has this really wide emotional range that mostly leaves out anger and stoicism. Even in ROTJ when Palpatine is trying to tempt him over to the dark side, he SAYS he can feel Luke's anger and hatred, but you can't really see that on his expression. It's not stoic either, Luke's "anger" seems to come out as this hesitant conflict that gives him sad eyes, not raging ones like Anakin had in the prequels. Luke doesn't seem like he'd be capable of feeling genuine anger, honestly. And when he does snap in that fight with Vader, it feels more like a cornered mouse with nothing else to lose jumping at a predator for its life, not vengeful wrath. Luke only snaps like that when he absolutely has to and has exhausted all other options.

And another thing-he shows genuine affection and joy for his friends! And PHYSICAL affection!! He runs up to Han and Leia and Chewie just to give them hugs and smile with them, which almost never happens with mainstream male leads in films like these. They're always portrayed as brooding and tortured, but Luke lets himself be happy and show his friends how much he loves them, which is super rare in film.

I really love the healthy masculinity Luke is shown to have in the OT and I think that's also why I really hated his characterization in TLJ. It felt like they were trying to make him that brooding, tortured male lead when it just doesn't fit him. He wouldn't be crotchety and mean like that of he had to endure tragedy, he would be sad and hesitant to get close to anyone because he knows he can't close his heart off to other people even if he tries. He would hold Rey at an arm's length, not bear his fangs and actively shove her away.

Anyway, yeah. I think reddit fanboys see Luke as whiny and over-emotional because unfortunately, men have been so trained to be unemotional brick walls that seeing an average-looking man show actual, healthy emotion feels like being whiny and over-emotional at best, and a threat to their own masculinity as worst.

I just really love how healthy Luke's masculinity is though, I could write papers on it

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

10 Times Arnav Singh Raizada Crossed The Line (Part 1)

Arnav Singh Raizada is our perfect, tortured Mills & Boons hero. Sometimes it’s unfortunate when recent shows have aped his behavior and not the layered characterization that he had. However, sometimes (according to my own opinion) I felt that his character might have crossed the line. 

It’s moments where no explanations justify his behavior. 

Please remember this is all my crazy opinion so feel free to add your own in notes! Oh and don’t worry, a similar list is coming for Khushi as well as they’re truly made for each other. After all, aren’t they our favorite ‘will-they-won’t-they’ idiots?

Tearing the dori.

Arnav Singh Raizada does not apologize.

Blasting at Khushi for pranking, PRANKING him.

Telling Khushi her anklet, their almost kiss & she, does not matter.

Arnav Hypocrite Raizada - forcing an engaged Khushi to confess her feelings when he’s unable to do so.

Reminding Khushi of her broken engagement cause he can’t handle jealousy.

Manipulating & frightening Khushi with Akash & Payal’s divorce papers.

Telling Khushi he ‘faked’ his sickness to get rid of the ‘Swami’ tag.

Refusing to believe Khushi’s version of events.

Becoming Khushi’s landlord and blackmailing her (emotionally and financially) to get her to come back home.

Bonus

Telling Khushi that she does not have the brains, courage nor talent to face the real world.  

#1 “Badtameezi toh maine abhi shuru bhi nahi ki.” (S1, E2)

“I haven’t even started misbehaving.”

First Reaction: No Arnav bitwa, no. That dialogue never has and never will make sense.

What’s wrong with it: 

Almost everything. First of all when someone is in a position to abuse his/her/their position of power and authority, they don’t get to make rules on what counts as misbehavior. Secondly, just because one hasn’t sexually harassed a person does not mean one’s harassment hasn’t been “bad enough”. 

Arnav’s behavior crossed the line the minute you tell Khushi that she and her sister are the kind of women who can easily get another man - and none of us are kids here to know what the thinly veiled insult meant to Khushi & Payal’s character. 

What makes this entire situation problematic is that he accuses her with certainty based on assumptions and Khushi, really, has not warranted any sort of behavior from his end - she actually makes a compelling argument. This kind of a situation, unfortunately, keeps happening in the future where Arnav accuses her based on half truths/assumptions.

Of course there’s a part of me that always wonders what idiots as staff does Arnav have because they; (1) let a newbie go on the ramp (can’t imagine that happening at a Sabyasachi / Manish Malhotra fashion show), (2) are incompetent enough to not be able to procure and verify any information about Khushi.

Track Rewrite: 

First of all, this is perhaps the only terrible moment that I want to leave untouched. It’s perfect. It sounds ludicrous but this level of animosity was required to create a hatred the two had for each other until love and lust suddenly stormed into their thoughts. 

Khushi looks perfectly devastated and Arnav’s anger rises because his fashion show in Lucknow (out of all cities) has been ruined. The less can be said about recent shows where there’s very little logic to the hatred shared between characters.

It establishes that Arnav has been very aware, right from the start, how beautiful Khushi is. And not just the delicate beauty like Payal, but the beauty that can make one lose their path, their calm, their temper and tempt them out of their stupor. 

It’s this opinion that he forms about Khushi that he subconsciously carries for the longest time - (it’s what makes it easier for him to believe Shyam’s version of events because this assumption of a tempting, young, poor woman out to seduce the rich never really leaves his mind).

Head-canon: 

This was the only time Aman Mathur took a vacation. Poor Arnav, he really needed efficient staff. 

Public Service Announcement: 

Ladies and gentlemen, this does not mean that hate, pain and misbehavior is necessary for love to bloom. No, love does not have a template and this is a love story that happens despite the hate, not because of it. 

Also, just so you know that Khushi - or any person - is not responsible for the things that happen to them. If a person’s self respect, dignity or agency is threatened - you go ahead and bash the attacker and not blame the person! *phew*

#2 “Arnav Singh Raizada kabhi kisise maafi nahi maangta.” (S2, E19)

“Arnav Singh Raizada does not apologize to anyone.”

First Reaction: Screw you Raizada! How dare you? Buaji - throw your infamous damned belan over his head! Raizada, do you realise you’re saying this while standing on someone else’s property?

And…

Why do I find it hot that Khushi opens the door to an impatient Arnav who’s dressed as dark as the sky, his temper matching the thunder in the background while they lock eyes? *i need help* when I watched this show for the first time I totally expected another scene like this would occur where Arnav asks her back or confesses his love. Yeah I trusted him enough to make another mistake where Khushi’s left home and he needs to get her back.

What’s wrong with it: 

The things he said to her before he came to her house. The insults he levied on her are based on an accusation which is baseless. We get to know that until Akash’s public proposal to Payal that Arnav never bothered on learning the truth about what happened that night. 

Hence it reveals another trait that Arnav never double checks his assumption until he’s faced with a confronting reality. But, in the length of time he’s gotten to know Khushi until that point - the things he tells her is way out of line. 

And when he reaches her home, slapping that money on her table and insulting her in front of her family… yeah it’s difficult to watch that. Especially after all the Rabba Ve’s they’ve had and his difficulty & helplessness on learning that this same woman was going to leave for Lucknow forever.

Track Rewrite: 

Arnav’s anger is really a projection of his frustration on himself for hurting Anjali and a terrible act of him confirming to himself that money can get him everything - even his sister’s happiness, which he attributes to his ability to get Khushi back into the house using money because he only knows the language of money. 

So my problem isn’t much with him… it’s with Khushi’s inaction. This is one of my least favourite scenes in the show because once Khushi stops (mostly) retaliating to Arnav from this point - she never really retaliates ever again. It’s like they kill that intellectual and mature aspect of Khushi who really knew how to debate (ah, don’t I love the resignation scene and her moment with Lavanya, Sim & Pam in the office).

Of course, Arnav and Khushi argue bucket lots in the future but from this moment on they really amp up Khushi’s silent crying and reduce her logical arguments to her emotions. Hence, if there’s anything I would have changed then I would always give Khushi the final word - the logical final word because who doesn’t like a solid rebuttal.

Quick note; Arnav does amend from saying “women like you” to “people like you”. So there’s a shift from his belief of her being a gold digger (and hence, lack of character) to a middle class greedy person (like his uncle).

Head-canon: 

I believe she doesn’t give Arnav a chance to gloat that he got her back with his money. Hence, the following exchange takes place in my head…

--

Arnav: “Mujhe pata tha tum paise ke liye kuch bhi karogi.”

Khushi: “Hum aap se ek baat kahe? Aap ghalat hai.”

Arnav: “No, main tum jaiso ko achi tarah se jaanta hai.”

Khushi: “Haan, shayad aap hum jaiso ko jaante hai. Par humein nahi. Aur rahi baat humara yaha aake kaam karne ka, toh humein nahi lagta ki humein kisi ko bhi safai deni ki zaroorat hai. Khaas kar ki aapko.”

- -

Arnav: “I knew you’d do anything for money,”

Khushi: “You know what? You’re wrong.”

Arnav: “I’m not. I know people like you.”

Khushi: “You may know people like me, but not me. And as far as me choosing to work here, I don’t find it necessary to give anyone any explanation. Especially you.”

--

Public Service Announcement/Crazy thought: 

The old 500 rupee notes are banned post demonetization. So don’t use those notes.

Check out my crazy version of this episode. 

#3 “Di isse sorry bolne ki koi zaruri nahi hai. Yeh aapki naukar hai.” (S3, E1/E2)

“Di you don’t have to apologise to her. She’s your servant.”

First Reaction: Oh no you didn’t… you didn’t!

What’s wrong with it: 

I think it gets on my nerves how rude he is and that he constantly measures her to her financial and societal status. And all of this is because she pranked him. Like she literally put sugar crystals in his petrol tank, changed his phone ringtone to a silly item number and put juice in his shoes. And he responds to that with some pretty damaging words. He literally tells her that lying and cheating is in her blood. 

Yikes! Flashback time Arnav - when she just alluded how he would feel if his sister’s marriage broke he tore her strings, and he legit just insulted her parents. All because she played some childish pranks. 

I have to say Khushi does put up a good fight, for most of it, and I love Anjali trying her best to intervene but yes… the way Arnav just flares up here - he crosses quite a few lines (hence I am not at all sorry when Khushi flings the hot tea on him, sorry I’m a sadist). I think his continuous push to show his authority, superiority over her is not really healthy. 

And that last Rabba Ve (although the tune is beautiful) which is evoked by her tears, and previously evoked by the impressions of his fingers around her wrist, gives a very wrong message to the public.

Track Rewrite: 

I never, ever want to change their essential characteristic. I’m pretty satisfied when he’s literally burned after he’s burned her with his words. Karma always gets him...

But, I really wouldn’t mind a strong, confident, and angry “ENOUGH” from Khushi as well. Or even a quiet, deadly, whisper of an “enough” that would stop his nonsensical tirade. It’s important for him to know when he’s crossed the line, before Khushi starts crying.

Really, it wouldn’t hurt if he was taken aback by her burst of anger or the threat of anger instead of tears (remember the Guesthouse incident… he was turned on by her fury, and then he simmered down and felt guilty - that’s a good cycle to follow when there’s an argument. No, not always the turn on side but the ability to give both the parties anger).

Because of late there seems to be an obsession of male heroes getting the ability to insult their “soulmates” and then stopping because of her tears and then never following it up with an apology. There’s a lot of context in the case of Arnav and Khushi… but I always relish when he’s flabbergasted and silenced by her retaliated anger more than anything else (cue, the resignation scene again).

Head-canon:

Arnav: “Di you don’t have to apologise to her, she’s your servant-”

Khushi: “-enough.” / or / “ENOUGH!”

Arnav and Anjali stand, silenced by Khushi’s anger.

Khushi (to Arnav): “Do yourself and your status a favour. Don’t open your mouth. Especially in front of me. I may fall before your eyes, but you dig yourself a grave.”

Khushi walks away, leaving Arnav stunned.

---

Arnav: “Di isse sorry bolne ki koi zaruri nahi hai. Yeh aapki naukar hai-”

Khushi: “-bas.” / or / “BAS!”

Arnav and Anjali stand, silenced by Khushi’s anger.

Khushi (to Arnav): “Aap apne aap aur apne aukaad pe ek ehsaan kijiye. Apna muh mat kholiye. Khaas karke humare saamne. Shayad hum aapke nazro main gir jaate hai, par aap toh khai khodke apne aap ko giraate hai.”

Khushi walks away, leaving Arnav stunned.

--

Too harsh? Too unlike Khushi? Sorry, I’ve been watching that scene on repeat way too many times and I may have vented out a bit - it gets crazier when I list out Khushi’s antics!

Public Service Announcement: 

Don’t break laptops or play pranks on people who might explode on you. Also, don’t waste mango juice on pranks - it’s delicious consumed. Probably that’s why Arnav was angry - one, he cannot drink mango juice due to his diabetes, and two, she wasted it on shoes!

#4 “Mere liye uss baat ki, ya tumhari, koi ehmiyat nahi hai.” (S3, E40)

“For me, that [the almost kiss], or you, don’t mean a thing to me.”

First Reaction: YES THAT’S WHY YOU KEEP ON THINKING ABOUT IT! LIKE OF COURSE BABUA ALWAYS SAYS THE TRUTH AND SAYS THE THINGS HE MEANS. LIKE OF COURSE YOU DID NOT INITIATE THE KISS OR PRESERVE HER ANKLET IN THE KHUSHI SHRINE OF YOURS! What the fu-dge Babua, literally?

What’s wrong with it:

Actually nothing. I just want to mentally slap him, that’s it. This needs to happen. Because honestly at this point of their relationship if this hadn’t happened - if they had kissed, chosen to break up with their partners (more like Khushi absolutely refusing to get engaged and even end up giving an ultimatum to her family) - then they would technically end up together and the most unhealthy point of their relationship.

Arnav is not at all ready for marriage but he would say yes because it’s the only way Khushi would be with him? Khushi, although in love with Arnav, still really has no actual reach to his depth and emotions. 

And really all her fantasies of Arnav are really fantasies, she loves him for what he evokes in her more than what he truly is. He is unable to get her out of his system. It would be a bad place to begin a relationship.

So although nothing is wrong with this scene and it’s like a bitter pill that needs to be swallowed, I still want to say he crossed a line by reinstating that she means nothing to him even though he led her on the entire foreplay of a Diwali. And like… wow, he’s asking what he means to her after he just declared that he’s going to get engaged to his longtime girlfriend who is also now Khushi’s closest friend? Like why… why would Khushi tell you what you mean to her?

Track Rewrite: 

I would rewrite Buaji’s pressure on Khushi. It’s regressive, painful and terrible to watch. I know it’s necessary… and if not rewrite this scene then I would just add a scene in the future where Buaji truly apologises for ruining her dearest Sanka Devi’s life. She owed this at least and it would be nice to see elders recognize their own mistakes at times.

Head-canon: 

Lavanya is in a happy relationship with NK <3.

Public Service Announcement: 

If you have a difficulty in saying what you want to say, enroll in Jalebi Teaches Feelz Expression classes.

#5 “I hope tumhe koi farak nahi padta.” (S4, E8 - S4, E14)

“I hope it means nothing to you / I hope it doesn’t affect you / I hope it doesn’t make a difference to you.” It = me, Arnav, our relationship (or whatever it is).

First Reaction: wherefore art thou asking questions yond thee cannot answ'r?

What’s wrong with it: 

This is where Arnav’s moralities really turn grey. Over here any affection, concern or committment to Lavanya is literally forgotten. Almost possessed, Arnav has three goals; 

(1) Make Khushi admit what he himself cannot admit - that he, them, everything matters to her (2) Prove to Khushi she won’t find a better match than him, that he’s her equal and he’s the only one who can provide for her and give her everything she desires (3) Make her breakup with her undesirable and unworthy fiance (he hasn’t met him but he just knows that her fiance does not deserve Khushi and I have to agree with Arnav, he’s right) and probably end up getting engaged with him.

The epic part of the Raizada plan is - he doesn’t have an idea what would happen if Khushi actually gives a farak. It’s not that Arnav is right or justified, he just stands the way he has always been - in all his fifty thousands shades of grey (not I’m not a fan of that book, pleej no).

Track Rewrite: 

A bit more time for Arnav, Lavanya, his apology and their break up. I love it that he does it instantly, but I also wish he spent more time talking to Lavanya. Just some more Arnav/Lavanya scenes, we really never got to see more of their friendship and her understanding.  

As far as everything else, Khushi’s inner battles and silence is really amazing - it’s what gives her dignity and it’s her self preservation. Arnav is redeemed by the fact that he genuinely is Khushi’s soulmate and he can feel her distress and is the only one who accurately senses that Khushi might have been pressured to agree to this marriage. Who knows Khushi cannot live in a loveless marriage. It’s something he can now guarantee, after a whirlwind of denial.

Although his actions are dubious, he’s the only one who senses the lack of joy and passion. So, rather terribly, he tries to put it across that he can fulfill her needs.

This comes to a halt when Payal refuses Akash in the first proposal. It sheds light on his earlier mistake and he realises that he has been wrong about Khushi all along (so he does not bring up her financial/societal status in insults post the event because Khushi really did end up in fashion show by mistake and more than that - her sister’s marriage did break because of him - not until the hate marriage).

And he realises his error with Lavanya that brings him out of this “I need to possess Khushi” phase.  

So I liked that we saw the ugliest side of their love, the irrational jealousy and demand of possession. And I love that Khushi did not budge in, no matter how much it hurt.

Head-canon: 

Lavanya knew all about it. Hence, she never holds Khushi responsible and instead guides Arnav to making better decisions. 

Also, Khushi went through a similar, crazed phase. Except we never see it because Khushi grows increasingly quiet when her heart is suffering. She uses words to express and choses silence when she does not want to acknowledge.

Public Service Announcement: 

Remember, it’s a good thing that they show us the unhealthy and healthy phase of a relationship between two people who love each other. This phase was decidedly toxic between Arnav and Khushi - when love is jealous, causes pain, is insensitive, is madness - see the signs and don’t go in deep when it’s at this phase. Every love has its time to mature and grow. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Read Part 2

[sodalitefully]

This is the result of me being a slut for demon AUs, and also for Slash’s ridiculously pretty face.  I wasn’t planning to write this 'cause uh it’s definitely got similarities to some of my other ideas and also because I’m not really satisfied with the characterization, but it wouldn’t leave me alone so here it is:

Summary: Slash is a pretty lil incubus who escapes from Hell. He gets roughed up a little on the way out, and Duff finds him lost and hurt on the street in LA. He helps Slash, takes him home, cleans him up, and hears him out. Duff lets Slash stay the night, and he can already tell that he’s going to let Slash stay as long as he wants. Slash latches on to Duff immediately, he’s convinced that Duff is the kindest, most beautiful being that could possibly exist and he absolutely adores him. Duff is crushing hard on Slash, but he can’t fathom why Slash likes him so much, he’s not pretty or exceptional while Slash is stunningly, inhumanly gorgeous. But Duff is compassionate as hell, and he does his best to ease Slash into life in the mortal plane.

Duff finds Slash on his way home from work on a Friday night, Slash looks completely lost and he’s bleeding a little and he’s not completely dressed.  Everyone else is avoiding him in case he’s tripping or crazy or something, but Duff goes up to him cause he seems to be dressed like a rocker (no shirt or shoes, just tight leather pants and some jewelry) so like, solidarity from one wasted rocker to another.  

Duff goes up to him, notices that he’s like, insanely hot but decides not to say anything about it, and asks if he’s lost or something.  Slash shies away and eyes him suspiciously, he’s not used to people freely offering help.  But then something comes running at them from down the street, at first Duff thinks it’s a dog but as it gets closer it’s obviously not a dog, not any kind of animal he recognizes, so he kicks it as hard as he can into a wall and it vanishes on impact in a puff of sour smelling smoke.  That’s fucking weird so Duff looks around to see if anyone else saw that, but the people around them don’t seem to notice anything unusual.  Instead, Duff spots a pack of four more creatures coming towards them.  Slash sees them too, and he changes his mind about trusting Duff – he looks up at him and tugs on his arm, “Please help me!”  

So Duff basically scoops Slash up (he’s way too skinny) and sprints for his car around the block.  He throws Slash in the passenger seat and guns it.  “What the fuck are those things?!” (classic action movie line).  Slash explains that they’re hellhounds, vermin of the underworld, they followed him here.  There’s a lot to unpack there, but Duff starts with the most important question: “Are they going to keep coming after us?”  “Well, they can’t pass between planes on their own, so either we lose them or we get rid of them.”  “How do we get – Oh shit!” The hellhounds are suddenly right in front of the car, half a block away.  “Just hit them! They’ll re-spawn in Hell and they won’t be able to get back!” So Duff braces himself and drives straight through the pack, they disintegrate just like the first one did.

“Holy fucking shit.  Was that all of them?”  Slash affirms, and Duff pulls off the road next to a sketchy little park that’s mostly empty at this time in the evening.  He and Slash get out of the car, and Duff is on the verge of panic, nearly yelling as he questions Slash about what the fuck just happened.  He stops dead when he realizes that Slash looks scared (all big eyes and quivering pout and hugging himself defensively and damn if it doesn’t yank Duff’s heartstrings more than any sad puppy ever has), and immediately backtracks, apologizing and asking more gently for Slash to explain what happened.  

So Slash does, he introduces himself and explains that the hounds won’t come back, they followed him here when he escaped from Hell.  Slash is a demon and they spend a few minutes establishing this fact (he probably proves it by demonstrating that he can shapeshift).  Duff asks if there’s a chance that more will come after him, Slash says he doubts it, he’s a little embarrassed as he admits he’s just an incubus, there’s a million others like him, no one will come looking now that he’s gone.  Duff has a hard time imaging that anyone else like Slash exists in the world.  He asks why Slash escaped and Slash explains that Hell is the worst, he just gets kicked around by more powerful demons (who treat low-level incubi like funny little pets because they’re not very powerful and they look mostly like humans instead of like terrifying demons) and sent off to seduce humans (he’s sick of it: shifting into their ideal, tempting them with whatever sick fantasies they have and then basically drugging them with his demonic power of irresistibility; it’s all-around terrible sex really, they act like they’re in a trance and he doesn’t get any say in what they do).  It occurs to Duff eventually that Slash is basically telling him he had a demon pimp.  

“So... you’re not going to try to steal my soul or something?”  “I don’t make deals, just tempt people.  And I don’t want to do that anymore, I don’t… I don’t really like hurting people.” He whispers the last bit like it’s some terrible secret.  “It’s so violent in Hell, I just want to be left alone…"

“What are you going to do now that you’re on Earth?” Duff asks.  He knows where he’s going with this, and he knows it’s a bad idea – inviting a demon into his own home?? It’s a recipe for disaster, but Slash seems so sincere and Duff rationalizes that he should be fine as long as he doesn’t ask for or agree to any sex.  Easier said than done, because Slash is the most stunning being that Duff has ever encountered in his life and just being around him scrambles his mind a little.  

But Slash looks so lost and uncertain when he admits that he doesn’t know much about the mortal plane and he has nowhere to go, and he lights up with a combination of relief and genuine shock and awe when Duff offers to take him home with him.  

So they get back in the car and drive home, where Duff runs Slash a bath, helps clean up the blood and soot (sure, Slash could probably handle it himself but Duff is firmly in mother hen mode), gives him some comfortable clothes to wear (seeing Slash wearing his softest t-shirt and a pair of tiny shorts is almost too much for Duff) and something warm to eat (as an immortal demon, Slash has never eaten real food before and frankly it’s life-changing – this tastes so much better than dick. He might cry. Duff now understands why he’s so thin).  

When it’s time to go to bed, Slash is uncertain.  He’s been in people’s beds before, though he’s never actually slept in one.  In Hell he had a little place to sleep but nothing like the homes that humans have.  Duff offers Slash the options of the bed and the couch.  Slash cautiously clarifies that Duff doesn’t want to have sex with him? “Oh no, I couldn’t.”  Slash looks confused and a little uncomfortable.  “I mean, of course I think you’re attractive, shit you’re the most beautiful – Uh, but you said earlier that you didn’t want to do that anymore, I would never ask you to.  I didn’t offer to help because I wanted something in return.”  

Slash stares at him.  “Duff, you must have the kindest soul in this realm.”  Duff tries to deflect (of course he doesn’t have the kindest soul that’s ridiculous, all he did was offer a little help, anyone could have), but Slash just looks at him affectionately.  “And the prettiest face.  I might be done with seduction, but with you, I wouldn’t mind.”  Duff can’t even comprehend that Slash of all people could find him beautiful with his scars and his terrible dye job and all the other things he’s secretly insecure about. Instead he focuses on the last thing Slash said, “I wouldn’t mind” isn’t exactly an enthusiastic come on so Duff will stand by his vow not to fuck Slash.  

Duff helps Slash make a little nest of blankets on the couch and then they both go to bed.  In the morning, Duff wakes up first, so he tries to very quietly put together breakfast without waking Slash in the tiny apartment.  They spend the rest of the weekend trying to acclimate Slash to living with mortals – it’s quite a learning curve.  Slash needs lots of help with things, but Duff doesn’t mind at all, and by the time Monday comes around, he feels confident that Slash can mind himself in the apartment for a while when Duff is at work.  Slash is very impressed that Duff has a job and earns money, but he’s also a little nervous to be alone – he wakes up early to send Duff off with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and Duff is entirely distracted through his whole shift.  

When Duff gets home, Slash announces that he missed him, then starts excitedly telling Duff about his day: It was so quiet, he’s never experienced that before! There were animals on the TV for a while before it changed to people talking about things! He looked out the window for two hours and at one point he saw a man drop his sandwich across the street and it reminded him of Hell!

Over the course of that week, Slash has no trouble keeping himself entertained when Duff is out.  He systematically attacks Duff’s music collection, takes up guitar, starts writing down notes about humanity in a little notebook (Duff finds it open one day, and reads a couple hilariously endearing entries).  He also discovers porn, and is immediately obsessed with it.  So many ways to have sex, and he gets to choose what to watch or look at whenever he wants!  Duff soon learns that Slash has very diverse and somewhat unusual tastes in erotica.

But when Duff comes home, all of Slash’s attention is on him.  He loves to tell Duff about his day, and is completely engrossed in whatever Duff has to say in return.  He continues to candidly compliment Duff, usually something along the lines of being extremely kind and intelligent and beautiful, and Duff continues to deflect cover up his insecurity.  Slash is completely open about his adoration of Duff, but Duff can’t even begin to accept it, so he just pretends it doesn’t exist.  Meanwhile Duff is at least a bit in love with Slash but still convinced that he’s not ever going to do anything about it.

Eventually, Duff’s friends are wondering why they haven’t seem him for almost a week.  Duff brings Slash along to the bar and introduces him to Axl, Izzy, and Steven.  The guys all give Duff a look when they meet Slash – How did one of us ever manage to land someone like that?  Slash gets along well with Duff’s friends; he’s still working on the whole acting-like-a-human thing and they can tell when his behavior is a little off, but they trust Duff’s judgement so they try to be welcoming.  

Duff, however, is not having a good time.  Sure, it’s nice to see Slash doing so well, but all of the insecurities he’s been repressing over the past week are resurfacing all at once.  Just standing next to Slash in public is stressing him out, he can’t stop imagining that everyone around them is judging him, thinking that Slash is way out of his league.  He’s certain he wouldn’t mind so much if he wasn’t so helplessly gone for Slash – now he’s also worried that Slash will realize that there’s plenty of people in the world who are way better than Duff.

Duff excuses himself to the restroom, and a minute later Axl follows and corners him by the sinks.  “Where the everliving fuck did you find this kid? And why the fuck are you just sitting there like a stiff corpse when he’s all over you??”  Axl has always been a confidant for him, so Duff starts to explain how he’s been feeling over the past week, leaving out the bit about demons and hellhounds.  “Duff, you dumb fuck, it’s obvious to anyone with two working brain cells that Slash thinks you’re God.  Enough of this you-don’t-deserve-it bullshit, just make your move!"

They return to the table, where the rest have paid off their tabs and gotten ready to move on to the next bar of the night. “Sorry for keeping you waiting,” Duff says, ostensibly to the group but mostly to Slash.  Then, with his heart pounding and palms sweating, he leans in to give Slash a completely casual peck on the cheek.  

Slash lights up like the sun and immediately latches on to Duff’s arm and leans his head on his shoulder.  He doesn’t let go for even a second as they hit the next bar, and the one after that, and then finally head home and curl up together on the couch.

(holy shit that was way longer than I thought it would be. tagging @fan-with-issues. have a good night folks.)

[daylighteclipsed]

One thing that’s really consistent throughout 03 is Ed looking away from Winry when he knows he’s upsetting her. You see this in the heavier moments, like when Ed and Al are saying goodbye to Winry on the train platform before cutting her off for 3 years. But also in lighthearted moments too, like when Ed turns his head away after he tells Winry she can’t tinker with his watch and she gives him sad puppy eyes. But I want to focus on the heavier moments here because the same conflict connects them all: Edward shutting Winry out.

After Winry admits she meddled with Ed’s watch, he starts to yell at her until he sees how upset she is. This is the only time Ed raises his voice at Winry for a serious reason, and he can’t even stay mad at her for more than a few seconds even though this is objectively a big invasion of his privacy. He takes the watch back from her and more or less explains why he’s engraved it with the date that he burned his house down, and the whole time he won’t look at her.

It’s not until he callously confesses he’s wasting time at the Rockbells’ and Winry starts crying that he glances at her from the corner of his eye. “What about grandma and me? We’re a home that’s always been there. Why do you want to keep shutting everything out?”

His expression is similar to before: he’s turned his face away from her again, but his eyes are squeezed shut, like it’s physically paining him to see her in pain because of him, before he looks away from her completely. “What are you getting teary for anyway?”

After their close call with Barry the Chopper, Ed tries really hard to sever his ties with Winry. He doesn’t visit. He doesn’t write. He doesn’t speak to her for 3 years. But it doesn’t really work. A lot of Ed and Winry’s moments alone together are characterized by a push and pull from Edward. Sometimes he’s warm and he’s open with her, and it kind of spurns Winry to pursue that, but then Ed realizes what’s happening and slams the door in her face.

And I need to emphasize that it’s Ed that’s primarily doing the shutting out. Al doesn’t tell Winry much, but he’s not cold to her. He’s almost always kind and friendly and offers explanations that Ed doesn’t. While Ed will say “I don’t want you out here with us,” Al will say “I don’t want you out here because we might have to do some bad things.” There’s always that caring followup with Al. Which is why most of Winry’s hurt and anger is directed at Ed.

When she talks about feeling shut out and unloved, she’s staring at Ed, shouting at Ed, crying to Ed, like in the hospital here and in Rush Valley later. And Ed being Ed won’t admit it’s about keeping her safe and free of his burdens. Again, he can’t look her in the eyes. 

Ed shoving people away is pretty standard for his character; he even tries to push Al away sometimes, but its done most to Winry because she’s actively trying to repair their friendship. She’s trying to bridge the gap he created between them, and there’s a part of Ed that wants her to succeed. There’s a part of him that really wants to be close to her again despite the danger, and it spills out into a lot of their interactions.

Winry makes him smile a lot, even because of mundane things like talking to her on the phone or listening to her blabber on about engineering stuff, to which he affectionately teases her. “Loser machine junky.” He likes making her happy. He hurriedly assures her its his fault when she blames herself for him ending up in the hospital. He takes her to Rush Valley, defends her honor as a brilliant mechanic in a contest, and Winry actually points out that she knows he did it to make her happy.

He opens up to her about emotional things no one else knows about, like the engraving on his pocket watch; his guilt and conflicted feelings about what happened in Lab 5; his fear that Al blames him for everything that happened when they were kids. She gives Ed the courage to confront Al with the truth. These are major moments of vulnerability that Ed trusts her with. All of this is the pull.

And its heightened because Ed associates Winry with home in Resembool. Part of him wants to be there. He’s so soft when he finally sees her, Pinako, and Den again. But he can’t rest until Al’s body is restored to normal. It’s not home without Al, and Winry knows this, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting Ed (and Al) to come home more often. Winry’s presence reminds Ed of how much he’s hurt her and tempts him with what could be, and it’s frustrating. He doesn’t like this any more than she does. 

Winry means a lot to Edward, and it kills him to hurt her and keep her at a distance. The “it’s not you, it’s my enemies/circumstances” trope has been done to death, but I honestly love it here so much. Whether you interpret this as romantic or platonic, you can feel how much Ed wants to be close to Winry again, that longing for her and home in Resembool, but how he’s accepted that these are things he cannot have, not as long as Al is still bodiless and his life is still dangerous.

[pamphletstoinspire]

Living By Faith: The 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time (October 6th)

Our readings this week take up the theme of faith, both Israel’s faith under the old covenant and the faith to which we are called in the new. Jesus urges us not to despair even if we feel our faith is pitiful. God can work wonders using small material.

1. Our First Reading is a famous passage from Habbakuk:

Hab 1:2-3; 2:2-4

How long, O LORD? I cry for help but you do not listen! I cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not intervene. Why do you let me see ruin; why must I look at misery? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and clamorous discord. Then the LORD answered me and said: Write down the vision clearly upon the tablets, so that one can read it readily. For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint; if it delays, wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late. The rash one has no integrity; but the just one, because of his faith, shall live.

Like Jonah, the Book of Habakkuk is an anomaly among the Twelve Minor Prophets. The other ten relate oracles the various prophets delivered on behalf of the LORD to Israel and/or the nations. In Jonah and Habakkuk, however, the focus is largely on the spiritual struggle between the prophet and the LORD concerning the wisdom and righteousness of God’s providence over world history. Both Jonah and Habakkuk struggle with the justice of God’s ways. The Book of Jonah explores this question largely through narrative, whereas Habakkuk engages it through dialogue between the prophet and the LORD. Habakkuk resolves doubts about God’s justice by urging God’s people to live by faith in God’s promises, even if contemporary events seem contradictory or inexplicable. Habakkuk 2:4, which summarizes this message succinctly, is one of the most-quoted verses of the Old Testament in the New (Rom 1:17; Gal 3:11; Heb 10:38-39) and has powerfully influenced Christian piety, prayer, and theology.

As is the case with so many of the Twelve, no biographical information is available for Habakkuk. The form of his name is unusual and its meaning uncertain. It may be a passive form derived from the Hebrew root h-b-q, “to embrace,” i.e. “one who is embraced.” The date of the book is likewise uncertain. At least Judah, if not Israel, still seems to be in existence as the prophet writes, so it must be before the exile (>597 BC). Beyond that, the mention of the “Chaldeans” (=Babylonians) as a rising threat in 1:6 (cf. Isa 39) is the best piece of evidence for dating. The prophet’s words indicate that people will be surprised to hear that Babylon will be the agent of God’s judgment (1:5-6). This would certainly not be the case in the early sixth century BC (c. 590s-580s) when Babylon was a dominant and feared world power, so Habakkuk should probably be placed sometime in the late eighth (late 700s) or (more likely) the seventh century (600s) BC, when Assyria was still dominant in the Levant but Babylon was growing in power (cf. Isa 39).

Habakkuk begins his book by complaining to the LORD: why does God seem to do nothing about the violence and injustice the prophet sees around him (1:2-4)? God replies that He is preparing the Babylonians to come and destroy the evildoers (1:5-11) and Habakkuk acknowledges this divine judgment (1:12). However, sending the Babylonians as executors of justice raises another theological problem: how can God judge wicked persons by others who are yet more wicked (1:13)? The prophet goes on to describe the wickedness of wealthy man who consumes others (1:14-16) and “slays the nations” (1:17), perhaps the King of Assyria or Babylon.

The LORD’s response to this second, more sharply-focused complaint from Habakkuk is much longer and more detailed (Hab 2:2-20). First, the LORD counsels the prophet and all the righteous to have patience, even if it seems like the oracles of God are slow in fulfillment (2:2-4). Secondly, the LORD pronounces five woes (vv. 6-8; 9-11; 12-14; 15-17; 18-20) on the “arrogant man” whose “greed is as wide as Sheol” and “gathers for himself all nations.” This may be simultaneously (1) a hyperbolic description of any wealthy oppressor, and (2) a specific description of the King of Babylon (or Assyria). The message of these woes is that the wickedness of the wicked man will come back on his head: those he oppresses will one day suddenly turn on him (2:7) and he will experience the destruction to which he subjugated others (vv. 8, 10, 17).

The Book of Habakkuk ends with a psalm composed by the prophet, which appears in its present context to be a response to the woes against the evildoer just pronounced by the LORD (2:6-20). This psalm, which bears a strong resemblance to Ps. 68 and others, recounts a theophany of the LORD in which he marches north to Israel from the south (the region around Sinai), accompanied by a violent storm and earthquake (1:3-12). Having arrived, he vindicates his “anointed” (v. 13, probably the Davidic King) by slaying the sea serpent that embodies evil (vv. 13b-15). This entire poetic composition, colored with mythological imagery, may be a figurative description of the Exodus, the conquest of the land, or one or more other of God’s great saving acts of his people in Israel’s history. Essentially, it is a mytho-poetic description of God’s power over the forces of evil as the divine warrior, which is manifested in various ways throughout history.

In response to his vision of God manifesting his power and justice, the prophet resolves to “wait quietly” for the day of judgment on those “who invade us” (v. 16) and to rejoice in the LORD even though there is, as yet, no sign of the consolations and blessing that God has promised for his people (vv. 17-19).

The Book of Habakkuk is of perennial theological and spiritual interest because it struggles with the ever-pertinent question of theodicy, the justice of God. If God is good and all-powerful, why do the wicked seem to prosper? Of course, many other biblical books, notably Job and the Psalms, also deal with this issue. The answer offered by the Book of Habakkuk is that God will, in the end, deliver justice to all. In the meantime, it is necessary for the righteous to exercise trust or faith in the goodness, justice, and promises of God. This practical advice is summed up well in Hab 2:4b: “The righteous shall live by his faith” (RSV). The word translated “faith” is ‘emunah, which is more precisely rendered “faithfulness,” “integrity” or “fidelity.” It derives from the same Hebrew root meaning “true” (‘-m-n) that gives us “Amen,” i.e. “so be it!” or “it is true!” St. Paul quotes Hab. 2:4 in Rom 1:17, but follows the Septuagint in rendering Heb. ‘emunah as Gk. pistis, “faith.” Although the Gk. pistis (“faith”) is not the exact equivalent of Heb. ‘emunah (“faithfulness”), it certainly is the case that the Book of Habakkuk, taken as a whole, counsels the follower of the LORD to exercise trust or faith in the present while he awaits the fulfillment of God’s promises in the future.

P. Our Responsorial Psalm is Ps 95:1-2, 6-7, 8-9:

R. (8) If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.

Come, let us sing joyfully to the LORD; let us acclaim the Rock of our salvation. Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us joyfully sing psalms to him. R. If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.

Come, let us bow down in worship; let us kneel before the LORD who made us. For he is our God, and we are the people he shepherds, the flock he guides. R. If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.

Oh, that today you would hear his voice: “Harden not your hearts as at Meribah, as in the day of Massah in the desert, Where your fathers tempted me; they tested me though they had seen my works.” R. If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.

Psalm 95 is a very common responsorial, and also appears frequently in the Divine Office. The Psalm recalls the trials of faith that Israel underwent in the desert, while wandering forty years under Moses. Massah (“trial”) and Meribah (“contention”) are names of the location in Exod 17 where the people ran out of water, and lost their faith in God and his prophet Moses. The grumbled and complained, accusing God of intending evil for them. We can say that those two events became iconic examples of the loss of faith by God’s people, and they resulted in plagues in both instances. They become ensconced in Israel’s memory as counter-examples to the faith we should embrace and demonstrate toward God.

2. Our Second Reading is :2 Tm 1:6-8, 13-14 :

Beloved:

I remind you, to stir into flame the gift of God that you have through the imposition of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control. So do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord, nor of me, a prisoner for his sake; but bear your share of hardship for the gospel with the strength that comes from God.

Take as your norm the sound words that you heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Guard this rich trust with the help of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us.

Unlike the Israelites in the desert, we have the tremendous “help of the Holy Spirit” in order to maintain the “faith and love” of Christ Jesus in our lives. Faith is contrary to a “spirit of cowardice,” but leads us to an attitude of “power, love, and self-control.” This reminds us of St. Josemaria’s teaching that Christians should have a kind of spiritual “superiority complex” when tackling the challenges of this world. Confidence should characterize the Christian; not self-confidence which the world urges, but what we might call “Christ-confidence” or “Spirit-confidence.” Knowing that “it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me,” we should have this great confidence that God will provide a means for us to overcome the obstacles we face. No doubt this will mean we must share in the “hardship for the Gospel,” but we can rely on the “strength that comes from God” to persevere through it.

3. Our Gospel is Lk 17:5-10:

The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.” The Lord replied, “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.

I think many take this parable wrongly. Hearing that faith the size of a mustard seed would be sufficient to perform miracles, folks reason like this: “I can’t work miracles; therefore, my faith must not even be the size of a mustard seed! I must try real hard to muster up some faith the size of a mustard seed, because my faith is microscopic!”

However, I don’t think our Lord was trying to discourage us and tell us that our faith was insignificant. Rather, the purpose of our Lord’s words are consolation, not rebuke. The point he is making to the disciples is this: You don’t need much faith to be effective! Just give me a little bit of faith and I can do great things for you! Just as I took five loaves and two fish and fed 5,000, I can take a mustard seed of your faith and transplant a tree into the ocean.”

Our Lord’s words are meant to be an encouragement. You may only have a tiny amount of faith, but go ahead and step out on that faith anyway. You do not need huge faith already in order to begin serving the Lord. He will take what you have and do great things with it.

“Who among you would say to your servant who has just come in from plowing or tending sheep in the field, ‘Come here immediately and take your place at table’? Would he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare something for me to eat. Put on your apron and wait on me while I eat and drink. You may eat and drink when I am finished’? Is he grateful to that servant because he did what was commanded? So should it be with you. When you have done all you have been commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we were obliged to do.’”

It’s not immediately apparent what the connection is between this saying of Jesus and the previous teaching on faith. Maybe it’s this: sometimes those who do great works of faith think they are doing God a favor. Jesus says in a different place, “Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’” (Mt. 7:22) These are works of faith. However, to these individuals, Jesus responds, “Depart from me, for I never knew you, you evildoers.”

We don’t do God favors by serving him. Paul says, “If I have faith to remove mountians” — alluding to a version of our Lord’s teaching in Luke 7—“but have not love, I am nothing.” Great works of faith do not add to God’s glory. Nor does our holiness.

Jesus is reminding us here that we can’t actually put God in our debt, and that even a holy life is only “normal” for God to expect of us. After all, holiness is normal, it is sin and evil that is abnormal. Sin may be typical, but it is still abnormal. Mary was the first normal human being since Adam and Eve fell.

If we live a saintly life, in a sense it is nothing exceptional. All we’ve done is to be truly human, to fulfill the destiny for which we were created in the first place.

It makes me think of an anecdote a friend of mine shared with me this week. A construction crew was rebuilding a Carthusian monastery and came across the grave of a monk. Opening the casket, they found him incorrupt. Wondering what to do, they called the nearest Carthusian monastery, which was in another country. “What shall we do with the body?” they asked. “Bury him again”, came the reply. “But he’s incorrupt!” they protested. “All Carthusians are supposed to be holy,” came the answer, “this is not exceptional. Bury him again.”

This Sunday’s Gospel is calling on us not to pat ourselves on the back every time we turn away from temptation or do an act of mercy. It is only normal. Holiness should be ordinary.

From: https://www.pamphletstoinspire.com/

[ctl-yuejie]

Thoughts on Jamie and Namnhao

(includes spoilers until the first half of episode 7)

I started watching this series because l’ve been in love with Mild since Kiss The Series, but the way how Jamie and Namnhao are written really was a pleasant surprise.

Both are only side characters so they could’ve easily gone with the popular “jock falls for the quiet and shy boy” - trope. Instead their relationship is way more nuanced and I love every second of it. 

Jamie

While he is on the popular kids’ basketball team and good friends with college heart-throb Aud he doesn’t really fit into their hierarchy. We see him defend Aud against what seems to be the “alpha” of the team and at all parties he’s moving independently of everyone else. He’s still part of the gang, getting invited to events etc. but he doesn’t seem to give in to peer pressure. 

Jamie is not the loudest team member but he will do anything for his friends and even gets physical with the “alpha” guy (he’s the worst I didn’t care enough to remember his name) after he mocks Aud. (I should point out that Aud has lied to Jamie, so he is unaware of what a monster Aud really is)

At the same time he isn’t out to his friends: he evades Aud’s questions about who he’s texting and just denies that it’s a girl and he gets flustered when the “alpha” guy makes homophobic comments and insinuates that he might know about him dating a guy.

Jamie himself however thinks that he’s neither in or out the closet. 

And this is why I like the way he’s written so much. Because both Jamie and Namnhao feel so realistic to me in 2018. Jamie didn’t have a coming-out but he never lies about his sexuality either. I believe he feels quite smug telling Aud that he’s not texting a girl, because he is telling the truth. And I get him. I don’t want to speak for everyone here, but at least I believe that I would love to live in a world in which I didn’t need to constantly come-out. A world in which no one assumes you are straight, a world in which you can just talk about crushes of any gender or introduce your significant other to your friends and family without anyone making a fuss out of your sexuality. That doesn’t mean that I don’t take pride in my sexuality or the community but to me this would be the ideal world. I do see myself in Jamie. He seems to believe that no one should care about him dating Namnhao and thinks of his own sexuality as something so normal he doesn’t feel the need to address it publicly. (This is not in the show but in my head canon he’s not out to his parents either, but tells himself that he’ll just bring his boyfriend home someday and they will say nothing special about it)

Jamie himself tells Namnhao that he doesn’t mind people talking about him, that he wants everyone to know that they’re in a relationship and he teases Namnhao for hiding in the bathroom in order to video-call him.

And Jamie genuinely beliefs to be in this place of self-acceptance and have this progressive environment because he acts like he does.

When he first meets Namnhao at the party he immediately starts flirting with him in front of everybody and straight on hits on him during the night. He initiates all the hand-holding and pecking in public, which is a lot when you consider that PDA in general is not that much of a thing in Thailand (or so I’ve been told).

Of course we already see the tell-tale signs that everything is not as settled as Jamie thinks it is and we hope it to be. As soon as his sexuality becomes a topic in his inner circle, his team mates and people from school, he panics. Even when Namnhao says that he wants people at the party to know about their relationship, he panics for a second and then tries to find an excuse not to do that.

When he gets taunted in the locker room by his team mate he gets very defensive and calls Namnhao just a friend, the moment someone who recognizes him is around him he stops showing any affection for Namnhao. In episode 7 they are in the safety of a gay club and he’s about to kiss Namnhao but he runs of when some other guy in the bar recognizes him as “Jamie from the school’s basketball team”. 

This is what I love about his character. He doesn’t struggle with his homosexuality, but he has this underlying fear of being made an outsider and being left alone if people find out about it.

He lies to himself about how courageous he is and every time he gets confronted with his fears he finds an excuse: by only telling Aud that he’s not texting a girl and by making the fight with his team mate in the locker room about Aud getting disrespected even though it were the homophobic comments that ticked him off and we can see in his eyes how scared he really is of people finding out. He’s not scared of his homosexuality he’s scared of the consequences his sexuality has in a homophobic environment. And to me that’s very legit and also part of the contemporary struggles that LGBTQI+ youth face.

Jamie not only lies to himself, he lets Namnhao belief that he doesn’t give a shit and tries his best to act upon it. As long as he’s surrounded by strangers he will kiss Namnhao and hold his hand and tell him that Namnhao should be more courageous and open about his sexuality. 

Which leads to the bathroom scene in the gay bar when all comes tumbling down and he has to confront himself and Namnhao about the lies. He’s enraged not because he’s angry at the gossipy gays or Namnhao but because he’s so disappointed with himself. He had this whole constructed logic about how he was doing fine and and how he is confident but now he realizes how scared he really is and how he’s hurting Namnhao. He holds himself to such a high standard that it must feel like a punch in the gut to have these sobering thoughts.

Jamie is courageous but his romantic view of himself and the world has blinded him to his own fears. However, we can see him grow and come to terms with himself fast. Because after he leaves Namhao crying in the bathroom he comes running back to look for him.

Namnhao

Namnhao has the realistic approach to the world that Jamie needs. He is not out to his family but unlike Jamie really doesn’t seem to care if people know. Namnhao is very confident in his gayness. We don’t know anything about his social circle besides his twin brother but we know that he went to that gay bar before. 

In my head canon Namnhao keeps to himself at college but has some childhood friends he’s still close with who know that he’s gay. And out of curiosity he’s been to gay bars before and while he’s not one for a casual hook-up I do think that he feels happy and comforted by the thought that this is a place just for him where everyone is just like him and somewhere where he can feel safe.

Namnhao is quiet and soft spoken but he’s very strong. He just knows what fights to pick and which not, whereas Jamie is very emotional and doesn’t think before he acts. Namnhao will stand up against three of Jamie’s teammates to protect Lookkaew, who he isn’t even close with. All he knows is that she’s the girls everyone and his brother keep talking about and that everyone else just keeps taking videos on their phones instead of helping her to get out of the situation. Namnhao will never stand for injustice.

Namnhao also knows that his dad is a homophobe so he decides to not come out to his family because he has enough evidence to come to the conclusion that they won’t accept him. He doesn’t like PDA that much but he will unabashedly show his adoration for Jamie in private and tease him mercilessly. Unlike Jamie he’s very aware of where his boundaries are and what he dares to do but he constantly tries to challenge himself and be more open. This is one of the reasons why he likes Jamie so much, because Jamie will hold his hand and kiss him in public and tell him how he wants everyone to know about them.

The only miscalculation he makes is with his brother. Namnuea figures out that Jamie is much more than a friend and he makes it a point to tell Namnhao that he thinks that Namnhao shouldn’t be afraid to be who he is because he believes that their generation is that progressive. It is really sweet to see that Namnhao was wrong about his brother not accepting him and I think it gives him the courage to not assume that his surrounding is mostly homophobic and become more open.

He feels much more betrayed by Jamie turning out to not be as confident as he says he is. Namnhao who’s always calculating the risks decided to fully trust in Jamie and he gets disappointed. He’s angry that Jamie is so afraid of being outed that he won’t even show that they’re together in a gay bar. Because this is the kind of rejection he expects of his father but not Jamie.

Namnhao has to learn that Jamie doesn’t like him any less just because he’s not ready to be as open as himself yet. He can’t just put all his expectations he has of society on Jamie and expect him to not fold under the pressure. I hope he realizes that.

I had to include the last scene of ep 7 -  so more spoilers! - I won’t get too much into the elephant in the room because I’ve already ranted about this before and how strongly I disagree with that progression of the plot.

Obviously his whole situation changes drastically by the end of episode 7 but there’s also such a change in how he sees his own position. The homophobic reaction of his dad is nowhere near as terrifying as to what he had to survive so he just sits there at the table and basically tells his dad “I’m gay, deal with it”.

All in all I love their characterization because imo the writers managed to include a lot of emotional turmoil that young LGBTQI+ people experience nowadays.

You want your society to be more progressive, you don’t want to need safe spaces and there’s the tempting assurance by straight people around you that everything will be fine and the world is not that homophobic anymore. But as in the series you see the lack of empathy towards victims of sexual assault around you, you see people disrespecting basic privacy rules because they lech at the “otherness” of people around them. So despite the assurance, there’s still the big unknown as to how your coming-out will play out. You can be stealth about your sexuality and belief that in this time and age you don’t need to come out anymore. Which is legit and luckily a reality for some people.  However it requires just as much courage to come out nowadays and to feel confident in oneself and I think they did a great job encapsulating all of this in Jame and Namnhao.

[braverytaught]

anyway i promised i’d talk about my reaction to cog and like, idk who cares, but i’m here on my soapbox anyway

obviously don’t fuckin read any farther if u haven’t seen it, i’m going in hard with the spoilers

i’ve talked about the mcg cameo and we’re ignoring that

they did dumbledore so fuckin dirty

they did queenie so fuckin dirty

the whole plot was a confusing and kind of pointless-in-and-of-itself setup for the next three movies, which i understand is necessary in some sense for a very long story like this, but if you can’t make a movie’s plot enjoyable and understandable as its own being, then you haven’t done a good job. cog’s primary function cannot be to lay the groundwork for movies that haven’t come out yet; it has to stand on its own, and i’m not sure it does

grindelwald’s kind of a joke

if you’re going to make nagini a character (and we all know the issues with that in the first place), you could at least bother to give her a personality

they did leta dirty too, she deserved more than a one-movie character arc

i don’t think tina’s characterization was badly done, but i do think she deserved more time, and they did a really bad job of showing the status of tina and newt’s relationship in the intervening nine months imo

i don’t think credence joining grindelwald is a bad story choice, but i do think it was handled incorrectly. they should have played into the “i’m being persecuted and i feel alone and scared and he may have used me but so has everyone else in my life and he seems to care about me so i’m going to go with him because i think he can keep me safe” aspect instead of reducing it to “he can tell me my real name”

on the bright side i continue to adore newt and his creatures, and i think eddie redmayne’s acting is fucking fantastic

credence being dumbledore’s secret long-lost much-younger brother is about as farcical as voldemort having a secret daughter with bellatrix lestrange

more under the cut. i’m about to go into highkey analysis mode.

queenie

yeah i’m fucking mad about this. the closest i came to crying in the entire movie was because i was so upset about what they did to her character. not bc it moved me but bc it pissed me off. queenie goldstein is smart, capable, and empathetic. i was so happy to see her again -- for about five seconds, until we found out she’s enchanted jacob so she can marry him without his consent? what the fuck? and then she spends the rest of the movie with no other motivation than to be with a man? she’s apparently so stupid and blind that she would join grindelwald, genuinely thinking grindelwald’s going to create a world where muggles are allowed to marry witches no problem? grindelwald’s manipulative tactics are blindingly obvious, and yet the woman who has spent her life learning how to read people and manipulate them in turn for her own protection can’t see that she’s being played? 

fuck that. that’s not the queenie goldstein i know. and i’m not cool with her being turned into the “woman who makes bad, stupid, blind choices out of her desire to be with a man, because that’s all women really want, i guess” trope.

the only way i can see her joining grindelwald is if she followed credence, to protect him, and was a double agent from the start. 

grindelwald

not even getting into johnny depp as a person, he’s clearly the wrong person for this part. it would’ve been better to keep the percival graves persona going than to turn grindelwald into a bleached rat who has apparently never seen the light of day. colin farrell was the perfect example of a seductive villain. grindelwald as graves was confident, persuasive, compelling even after you realized he was the bad guy.

grindelwald should have stayed that way even after he showed his true self or whatever. they kept telling us that he was seductive, that he couldn’t even be trusted with a tongue or he’d turn every guard to his side, and yet? i saw nothing of the sort? johnny depp’s grindelwald, both his acting and the character design, screams “i’m the big villain and you should hate me because i’m sleazy and creepy.” but that’s not how you gain followers. tom riddle was charming and handsome and persuasive; it was only after he gained power that he slowly became the inhuman creature we think of as voldemort, and that was after everyone was too scared of him to defect. grindelwald should have been smooth, should have been charming, should have showed a real ability to connect with the people he wanted to convert. and, you know what? he should have been handsome. he should have stayed jamie campbell bower tbfh. people follow a pretty face. 

the point is he seemed like a caricature, an obvious villain. not somebody i can believe could genuinely win so many people over to his cause. you can’t just tell me he’s seductive and then make me watch pasty johnny depp make vague, empty speeches the whole time. not good enough.

dumbledore

i mean, i don’t have a problem with jude law. i think he did a pretty good job. so there’s that going for him. 

too bad they were off with.....pretty much everything else.

i’ll stick with my two biggest complaints, i guess. the first is that it makes no sense for dumbledore to be out here talking to anyone who asks about his sister and his relationship with grindelwald. the whole thing in dh was that nobody knew he’d ever been affiliated with grindelwald -- his oldest friends refused to believe it. it happened over the course of one summer, they kept their plans secret, and it ended in disaster. and we know dumbledore never talked about that shit, not till he fuckin died. so why would some ministry dude be able to waltz in and say, yeah, we know u and grindelwald were close as brothers, and why would dumbledore respond that they were closer?? why would he ever disclose that??? that was secret fuckin information my dudes

same with ariana. i get the spin on empathy, but i don’t see him just casually bringing up his sister to leta. maybe i’m wrong on this one, idfk, maybe he would use ariana as an example to relate to a hurting student -- but i have a hard time imagining him bringing it up like that. it’s his shame. seems to me like another one of those things he’d avoid mentioning unless he absolutely had to. 

and then. then there’s the whole fuckin grindelwald relationship thing in the first place.

i get that they’re trying to correct themselves. “you calling dumbledore gay without making any real references to it in canon does not count as representation,” we said, so now they’re making it real clear. but, really? really? you think dumbledore would look into the mirror of erised and see the current grindelwald? you think grindelwald is the deepest and greatest desire of his heart, and not, idk, his family, whole and unharmed? you think his love for grindelwald defines him more than any of his other motivations? no. bullshit.

as far as i can tell, they made dumbledore’s gayness central to his character in this story -- which is just as bad as not acknowledging it at all. because his relationship with grindelwald doesn’t define him, it certainly isn’t more important to him than his grief for his family, and he has plenty of motivation and character that doesn’t stem directly from his encounter with grindelwald, so (as tempting as it might be for mediocre storytellers) to spin his entire characterization in the fantastic beasts arc around the fact that he was gay for grindelwald when he was 17 is not only a disservice to his character, it’s also just shallow writing.

[ganymedesclock]

I don't understand the permanent lion switch theory. Why do the characters need to grow into roles other teammates can already fullfill perfectly? and why are Pidge and Hunk excluded from such "important development"?

Honestly I’m not surprised Pidge and Hunk are left out?

Again, I feel like it’s less a support of the first switch formation and more this sort of… elevating Shiro’s importance to the team, but also not accepting that Shiro is also if anything ludicrously overqualified to be Black Paladin.

With regards to Keith: people want him to be black paladin because they want to view him as “the main hero”, and the idea is that Black is the “most special”

I feel like there’s some irony to the mentality because it basically frames Shiro and Black the same way- their actual qualities don’t matter. What matters is that Keith (or Lance) are good, have good qualities, and deserve recognition, and that recognition should be given to them no matter how Black or Shiro would feel about it, or even what Keith / Lance are shown in-universe to want.

With Lance, and Blue, there’s a particular angle to it that tangles in with Blue’s role as the Heart. Even within Voltron itself as a franchise, most continuities put Allura in the Blue Lion. And as much as I’ve heard many people complain that Lance “deserves better” than the Blue Lion, it’s comparatively almost unheard of for people to gripe about Allura being “shackled” to the Blue Lion even though they frame Lance deserving better as Blue being dead-end worthless drudgery.

Because the Heart- characters similar to VLD Lance- are often sorted into two categories. Both are looked down upon- emotional labor, empathy, and supporting the team are not seen as valuable heroic exertions, and they’re virtually always framed as coming at the cost of the person themselves- because obviously you’d never want to support other people if you could put your all-important self first, even when that self is being adequately tended to.

A female character in the role of the Heart is just seen as this is where she ought to be. It’s effectively considered a pink-collar job, and you can look at in the real world what’s considered “women’s work”. Of course she’s tirelessly going to tend to her team, of course she’s never going to pursue anything important for herself (when that sacrifice of self is not actually remotely necessary) of course she’s going to be the doe-eyed loving supportive figure, she’s a girl, that’s what girls do, live for all of the men around them, right?

Conversely a male character in the role of the Heart? Is seen as an absolute joke for the most part. Isn’t it funny he’s so weak-willed and sympathetic, isn’t it funny he’s not aggressive and macho, god he’s so pathetic. But don’t worry, though, since he’s supposed to want better than this lame old Heart job, he’ll inevitably “grow up” to be tough in a stereotypically macho way, even if this character development is completely at odds with everything else about who he is as a person.

At best, getting the character development that actually befits him as the Heart, you can count on him to be unaccepted until he proves he gained something from it in a sufficiently “manly” proactive manner.

The thing is, a lot of the tropes around the Heart aren’t remotely actually necessary to the role, and a well-written Heart character either deconstructs them or simply does entirely without them. There is no rule that emotional labor is the level that people stoop to when they aren’t man enough to chase their personal objectives. The role of the Heart is where we, as a society, dump our garbage- all of the hangups about this womanish kind of heroism- and the misogyny that says “well if WOMEN do it, it can’t be valuable!” and “real men don’t cry, what are you, a GIRL?”

It’s worth noting that the cry to take Lance away from the Blue Lion is probably the loudest and most passionate- Shiro, Pidge and Hunk are completely ignored for this (there’s basically no discussion where Shiro should go except “not in the Black Lion, because we need that for Lance!”) because their roles are very standard. 

Here’s the brainy one, here’s the brawny one, here’s the Leader, and there’s his Right Hand, we don’t complain about these things. Because we’ve already been conditioned through just about any five-man team show to consider those four the important ones, and Shiro the most important of all. When canon already can be viewed as “tempting” us with the possibility of Keith “surpassing” Shiro and stealing his important leader spotlight, it’s just understandable people salivate over that possibility- because we all know only the Leader will actually get the biggest slice of heroism at the end.

But the heart? There’s a reason TVTropes dismissively calls that role “The Chick”. Just look at that name for it- “oh, the designated girl, they threw her in there just because they had to have a girl so people wouldn’t complain about their sexism, so she can, y’know, stand out of the way and look pretty. Maybe we can give her a dainty little weapon and let her do some fighting but not that much. When the Leader is having his real, manly problems she’ll drop all of her petty girl issues to run over and support him.”

This is not what’s in VLD. But it’s in the cultural lens that we’ve been led to look to these kind of shows. It’s why, even in absence of canon support, people assume Shiro asserts so much more control and influence over the team- to the point of how many fanfics assume if Shiro disliked Lance, that Shiro could turn the whole team against Lance rather than the team would kick him to the curb, as we literally saw happen in motion with our secondary Voltron team, Sincline, and how Lotor vs. Narti ultimately ended. The generals gathered around the fallen Narti, and Lotor was simply cut from the team, without particular effort or fanfare. The hardest thing for the generals was feeling bad about it.

But Shiro and Lotor, they’re Leaders, so they have to be inherently stronger than their whole team, inherently in charge- except they aren’t.

People likewise assume that just pointing out Keith’s strength and intelligence mean that he should be the Leader- the idea is that he’s too competent to be a Right Hand, because every position besides the head is perceived as settling for less. (And Hunk- a fat black man, and Pidge- a young quite-possibly-written-as-trans girl with choppy hair, outside of occasional token “no, THEY should be the special one! I’m so revolutionary in praising them without thinking about them instead of insulting them without thinking about them!” largely are simply accepted that of course they’re settling, they’re lesser people)

Here’s the thing about Lance in VLD. None of that applies to him.

Lance has never been characterized as a weak-willed doormat. Nor has he been characterized as settling for less, or less thought of than his peers.

In fact, the roles that are shown to diminish Lance and leave him unhappy… are the stereotypically “manly” roles people would logically propose as a “fix” for Lance being “stuck” as the Heart.

Lance’s attempted James Bond impression is what makes Allura frustrated at him- while in s3, when, with growing confidence, Lance is his sincere, sweet self- that’s when Allura starts responding positively, starts telling him that he has “greatness” within him. That’s when he unlocks the Altean sword (sword from a planet of diplomats, awakened in a flare of blue light)

Lance taking Keith’s position at the Garrison features him being reminded he’s only here because Keith couldn’t be, and him blowing off the importance of the job, him acting at his pettiest. In contrast, in the same episode with no time for character development, Blue is framed as, from the start, choosing him first, ignoring everyone else there to stare only at Lance when nobody else is “taken” much less knowing there’s a Lion fitting for them… and Lance immediately settles comfortably into place.

Lance’s response to being chosen for Red is to first refuse it, try to pass it off to someone else, and then, when he does go for it, he comes back to grieve his connection with Blue. And Black? We see Lance uncomfortable and stiff in Black’s cockpit, trying to tell himself to feel good, because isn’t this what he wanted? Isn’t it?

People who are fitting where they were always meant to be don’t respond to it by grieving their previous niche, usually. Especially not there’s no particular ‘sweetness’ of “but I have Red now” or “but I wanted Red.” Lance wanted to give up the Red Lion back to Keith with no guarantee Blue would even be waiting for him. That’s a hell of a contrast to Lance yelling at Keith in s2e4 because Keith even said something about the Blue Lion.

Yeah, the wrong-colored armors is a continuity joke, but I can’t believe it’s just a mythology joke. VLD made a genuine commitment to base the characters off of specific colors, meaning that Lance in Red looks awkward. Our inner kindergartener goes “ha ha, no VLD, blue guy doesn’t go in red cat! Blue guy goes in BLUE cat!”

And proponents of Lance in somewhere else are aware of this- they’re very quick to change that armor color. Except canon has in every conceivable way tried to show us that’s not the case. They keep setting up material to frame it, more and more and more, as Lance belongs to Blue. Allura doesn’t have much in common with Blaytz or Ezor… but both of them have an awful lot in common with Lance.

And what are Lance’s good qualities, the things he really excels in?

Lance understands the team, and several times he’s singlehandedly pulled them back from disaster by his ability to read people’s emotions. Kuron? Going to be solved by Lance, is the framing we’ve gotten here. Team needs to connect emotionally? Everybody follow Lance’s lead. Shiro as Black Paladin? Acknowledged first by Lance before they even knew Black existed. Team needs to act out roles that aren’t theirs? Gape in awe of Lance’s absolute mastery of emotions. His nature is putty in his hands.

Compared to other incarnations of Lance that genuinely did write this character as Red Paladin, VLD Lance is noticeably more sober-minded, clearheaded and perceptive. He’ll never actually sacrifice something important for the benefit of a petty grudge. If anything, this is what we see framed as an absolutely jawdropping tactical asset for Lance- VLD is the first one to actually make Lance a sniper, with the clarity and precision of intent that make that useful. He can sweep an entire battlefield, check on all his friends, pick off targets and bottleneck enemies as needed.

Even his success with the Red Lion frames his Blue Paladin cooperation and malleability. Because Lance in Red isn’t driven really by ironclad loyalty the way Keith, Acxa, and Sendak are- Lance hooks onto Keith with “Right now, I’m in your corner, and that means I’m gonna be what you need me. If you need loyal support, I’m there, but if what you actually need is someone loudly reminding you that you left Allura behind, I’m doing that too.”

On the one hand, I’m touched by how much VLD really adores Lance, and loves depicting him as the Heart, and loves emphasizing the Heart’s importance to the team. On the other? I am frankly beyond pissed that I have to aggressively defend Lance in the Blue Lion by emphasizing that he can still do violence onto things in a fight. Yeah, it’s important to let all your characters have a piece of the pie and if your series is an action series that’s gonna mean action scenes, but rather than examine some of our deeply flawed relationship with gender and how much that serves as background radiation to anything we see as “womanish” and why, exactly, do we see Lance’s job as less valuable if it “seems feminine”, it feels too much like we’re wasting time trying to prove Lance is enough of a real man he can rock this “girly” job.

I think the whole “Lion swap should stick / they should push it further and never go back to original formation” if anything sets itself up to be breathtakingly meta because I feel like it’s ultimately rooted in not thinking through any of the roles very much. Because if you just look at them shallowly, Blue and Yellow sound the least “Cool” the way our culture frames things (again, the whole devaluing of support / prioritizing individual victory- if you’re not actively selfishly taking for yourself, you must not be doing anything for yourself).

Green sounds a little better, and Red sounds cooler (“Right Hand!” plus the self-satisfying narrative of “well, when Zarkon went bad, Alfor was the one who Defied Him” ignoring that all four paladins did, and Alfor was merely the more visible thanks to his connection with Allura and with Voltron- ignoring that it was almost definitely one of the other three, and likely Blaytz, that gave Zarkon that scar), but Black Lion, oh, that’s the best one, right?

So just grab whatever character you like best and stuff them into the Black Lion. This is how you appreciate a character! You want best character to get best lion. Now nobody can question how much you love them, even if you would be hard-pressed to actively identify what are their good qualities and how they align with Black’s explicitly stated qualities.

I’m not saying nobody who supports Black Paladin Lance thinks about it that much, but that the premise feels so congratulatory when it’s actually quite patronizing (it basically hinges on the idea that the Blue Lion can’t have recognized and mirrored any of Lance’s good qualities and the Lion that chose him first was basically putting up with him because he wasn’t her best fit and if Lance really belonged to Blue that’d make him a total loser) can help explain why its appeal is so widespread.

Especially when it feels like every time Lance says something in an authoritative tone people go “oh my gosh, Black Paladin Lance!” like… I was not aware that being Black Paladin hinged on only one virtue and that was your ability to angrily yell things. Last time I checked fandom was quite cross with Shiro’s authoritative yelling.

[rorykillmore]

ok haha relevant to ur field: top 10 tv episodes of all time?

i finally sat down and tried to do this and it’s taken me all of like, an entire evening, and i’m STILL not sure i haven’t forgotten something,

that being said i tried to the best of my ability, and also big disclaimer: some of my favorite shows are just straight up not on this list. determining my favorite shows overall would be MUCH different than determining my favorite individual, stand alone episodes of something. and with that being said...

(also i gave up trying to number-rank them. they are maybe like, ROUGHLY ranked, but i could flip flop a lot of them especially towards the middle so like, whatever)

lost - “the constant”

there are so many good, defining episodes of lost that it was kind of hard to pick one but... for me this was a good example i could think of that summed up the show at the height of like. how weird it could be and how emotional it could be. it also may be one of the best stand-alone episodes of the show objectively, i think. for those who are familiar but can’t remember, this is the one where desmond is kind of jumping around through time and the one with That phone call between him and penny at the end (which frankly should earn it a spot on this list by itself). okay i rewatched that and made myself cry so we’re off to a great fucking start!

hannibal - “mizumono”

mizumono is honestly one of the most like... perfect culminations of disaster i’ve ever seen. and i mean that in a good way!, but really, it brings seasons worth of tension to a head with near-flawless execution, it’s one of the most beautifully and artistically shot episodes of an already beautiful and artistic show, and the last fifteen minutes are like... kind of beyond description. i honestly have yet to see a season finale that’s as brutal to like, its ENTIRE MAIN CAST, and because of the impact it had at the time i felt like i had to put it on here. 

true detective - “form and void”

the first season of true detective as a whole was honestly incredibly influential to like... the modern tv landscape we have today and how highly regarded television as a whole has become. it’s really important and really worth seeing. the finale, “form and void”, is if i recall correctly perhaps a little divisive because of how the mystery ultimately ended up being solved (i won’t give spoilers) but it was beautiful and surreal and creepy and for me, just the right amount of satisfying. actually for me, i’m not gonna lie, it was... and still is, very important to me personally. specifically in regards to the culmination of rust cohle’s character arc and the hopeful, compassionate note it ended on. rust was essentially a deconstruction of the “bitter edgy nihilistic main character” trope, much of his characterization was about how that mentality just ate away at him, but he found this essential moment of peace in the end that just... still really stays with me.

alias - “pilot”

i had to include this because alias has, literally my favorite pilot episode to date. in general alias has a few episodes i considered putting on this list (the finale of season 2 also being one for... Reasons) but i just had to go with this one because it’s a fucking pilot. in the television industry, pilots are notoriously difficult to get right. there’s so much establishment and exposition that needs to happen all while making sure you hook your audience that it can be... really tough to pace it correctly, and i have never seen anyone fucking nail it like alias did. of everything i’ve put on this list i think this is probably the episode i’ve watched the most times. sydney bristow in that bright red wig. still iconic.

westworld - “the bicameral mind”

westworld season 1 almost felt like it could have... ended with that finale, period. i mean naturally it did not, but in some ways if you weren’t so attached to the characters and didn’t want to see how they’d evolve, you almost wouldn’t NEED more than the bleak (well, for humanity), inevitable note it ends on. there are so many gratifying answers to the questions the season spun, so much emotional catharsis and satisfaction in dolores’ awakening and self-realization and maeve making her first real, free choice in returning to the park... idk it’s a lot. and it’s executed wonderfully. there are tons of moments that never lose their impact no matter how many times i revisit them. not much more to say than that.

 buffy the vampire slayer - “restless”

possibly a controversial choice even among buffy fans? i remember at least at the time people were mad that such an unconventional episode was used to top off season 4. but let’s be real, season 4′s overarching plot was, not that great. for me, i never minded that it tied up early and that we had something really... different for the finale.

it also helps that i’m a huge sucker for like, surrealism, character studies, symbolism and significant imagery, foreshadowing, that kind of thing, and this episode is thick with ALL of that stuff. look i hate joss whedon but this was him at his best. restless is still... one of the most haunting things i’ve ever watched, and such a bold choice, and people are still dissecting it today and i’m like, “how did they manage to foreshadow some of this stuff this intricately this early in the show’s run’. i could probably go back and rewatch it easily even though i haven’t really delved into buffy in forever. “once more with feeling” also gets an honorable mention to being the best musical episode of a show to date.

black mirror - “nosedive”

okay i was really tempted to put uss callister on this list because i enjoyed that so immensely, it’s one of my favorite things ever, but uss callister is so... almost movie-like that it almost feels unfair to put it on this list with more traditionally structured television episodes. so apart from that, i have this inexplicable fucking soft spot for nosedive. i think about it all the time. it’s the black mirror episode i’ve rewatched the most. i’m not even sure if i can articulate why i love it so much except that... well, firstly it is another character study (with bryce dallas howard giving a wonderful and moving and vaguely unhinged performance), but also like. i think it is perhaps one of the most insightful episodes of black mirror overall. the point isn’t to be... bleak, necessarily, but its message is important. it’s less about ~the dangers of social media~ i think and more about how people relate to one another (or don’t, and how painful it can feel to not really emote or connect or find sincerity) and just, the social media app being a vehicle for that. stories about emotional suppression and catharsis always hit me hard. 

oh and since black mirror is an anthology series with all standalone episodes, you can watch this even if you’ve never dabbled in the show before! go see it if you haven’t!!

grey’s anatomy - “losing my religion”

so i knew i wanted to put a grey’s anatomy episode on this list but i wasn’t really sure... how to go about picking just one, because grey’s has so many iconic individual episodes that have really. permeated television culture at this point. i don’t know, how do you just pick one? but i went with losing my religion because 1) i do genuinely feel that it contains some of the shows best and most poignant and memorable to date, i mean, even like 13 years later people remember the culmination of the denny storyline,  and 2) i distinctly remember this being the point when i was watching the show for the first time that i really... consciously, vividly, felt myself falling in love with it and appreciating it for all that it was.this is really the point where you can’t write off grey’s anatomy as a one-dimensional quirky medical drama anymore no matter how hard you try. so it’s on here for nostalgic reasons too

also, this was the episode that launched “chasing cars” as the song that reduces literally everyone to tears, so there’s that,

ahs asylum - “madness ends”

for all the shit i’ll give ryan murphy, i truly still believe that ahs asylum was his masterpiece. it is perhaps the most sincere and tender and brutally real i’ve ever seen his work get. and madness ends will always be... one of my favorite season finales ever, and something i’ll always remember so fondly and emotionally. it also, and maybe this is an unconventional opinion, but it is also the most hopeful the show has ever felt to me. the most forgiving, the most kind. the closure it grants lana, kit, and jude, and even MARY EUNICE (wait was this the episode she died in? i think. i don’t remember) was just... i don’t know if you can get more satisfying than that. jessica lange’s performance in this episode specifically, and the ending of jude’s story, is something that’ll stay with me forever (there’s a reason that i consider jude to be one of my favorite characters, like, ever). i actually haven’t rewatched it in full, let alone this specific episode in so long but... yeah that shit stays with you

and last but incontestably not least... 

the leftovers - “international assassin” or “certified”

guess what! for the leftovers, i actually COULDN’T pick just one! and if there’s any show on this list that deserves two episodes... well,

“international assassin” is a lot of people’s favorite episode, from what i understand. at least, its usually the critics’ favorite episode. and it wins a lot of points with me for the same reasons “restless” does (it’s basically another instance of like, the show taking a break to do a completely different kind of surrealist episode) and it marked the first time the show really like. completely abandoned all pretense of reality and went all-out mysticism. and it fucking worked. everything about this episode is a masterpiece. to give you a basic premise if you’re not familiar, basically. the main character, kevin, has spent the entire season behind haunted by... either a ghost or a hallucination (you’re not sure at that point as an audience member, but kevin is leaning towards ghost) and is told by someone that in order to get rid of her. he essentially has to die, go to purgatory, and confront her. the end result is... something you couldn’t even imagine and i don’t think i could fully put into words, but as most things in the leftovers are, it ends up being startlingly insightful and compassionate and is 100% guaranteed to make you feel very deeply for a character that most people hated up until that point

“certified” isn’t as much as a standout but for me it is one of the most powerful episodes in an already incredibly powerful show. it’s essentially devoted to giving closure to one of the characters (who happened to be one of my favorites) and her longstanding pain and her struggles with being tied to realism in this world where you increasingly need to believe in something to survive. it’s hard to give much context beyond that but it is heartbreaking and wonderfully performed and i actually haven’t been able to revisit it many times since because it affected me so much

idk i could really put every episode of the leftovers on here, honestly. it is incredibly special.

[scripttorture]

Hi! I appreciate your analyses of popular stories (like The Princess Bride), but are you willing to look at video-games that prominently feature torture? Widowmaker of Overwatch is really popular on Tumblr, and I always felt her backstory/characterization invokes some extremely skeevy tropes about torture & femininity. She starts off as a ballerina and 'loving wife' of the leader of a counter-terrorist organization, but is kidnapped by terrorists and "subjected to neural reconditioning." (1/3)

She seems'normal' when rescued, but 2 weeks later her conditioning makes her murder hersleeping husband. She's then recaptured to complete her brainwashing, withextensive combat training and having her heart slowed to 'numb her emotions'.Despite this backstory of coercion, her behavior as an assassin is quiteautonomous and willfully violent (like the devs wanted a female villain BUTabsolve her of responsibility.) Only vestige of old personality is her guiltaround dead spouse. (2/3) Being 'evil because of torture/mind-rape' is also theexcuse for her wearing a skintight catsuit, despite it not actually factoringinto her assassination methods because she's a sniper. Anyway, I was curiousabout your opinion not in the 'plausibility' of any of this BS...but perhapshow to maybe re-write such a character to make her less, uh, cliche?

 I am willing to have ago at video games so long as I don’t have to invest cash in the game and dozensof hours playing it for the ask.

 And since we’re on thesubject while I’m happy to take requests for the Torture in Fiction series I’mgoing to turn down some of them if I think it would take too long, I can’t gethold of the piece of fiction in question or if it’s something I think I’dreally hate for reasons unrelated to torture.

 There are probably somevery good analytical discussions of the Star Wars prequels to be had but I’mnot sure I could sit through them all without serious damage to my television.

 I had rather a lot ofquestions on brainwashing just before I closed the askbox, to the extent thatI’m trying to work out how to put together a Masterpost on the subject. One ofthe things I’ve been trying to come up with is narrative alternatives, more realistic ways to write aboutcharacters changing sides.

 I’ve talked about whybrainwashing doesn’t work before and this question is very much about methodsof manipulation that actually work.

 So- this is a littledivorced from Overwatch and Widowmaker but this is how I would be tempted write a storyline like Widowmaker’s, keeping keyelements such as her changing sides and killing her husband without rubbish about brainwashing,being ‘emotionless’ and slowing hearts.

 To start with I’destablish the character (let’s call her ‘S’) has some sympathy for the terrorist group before she’s captured. Thisdoes not have to mean sympathy fortheir actions or methods. It can be as simple as an acknowledgement thesepeople are human beings or something to the effect that the political situationis complicated. Good examples would be sentiments along the lines of ‘but thatgroup of people have suffered so much it’s no wonder they turn violent’, ‘but they’reso poor they probably don’t have any other prospects’, ‘but the government theystarted out fighting against was awful’.

 Note that none of these sentiments necessarily lead to support of aterrorist group or its actions. What they show is a willingness to recognisethat these terrorists are people.

 S is then captured. I’dhave this take place away from both her home and her husband. If possible I’dgo for another country entirely. I’d also have it happen quickly and with aminimum of violence. Aunty Scripty’s famous ketamine is a possibility. Othersinclude spiking her drink and then volunteering to drive her home/to thehospital or setting up a fake taxi and locking her inside.

 S is taken to a securelocation and put in a cell by herself. I would make it two or three times thesize of a US solitary cell, with a connected bathroom, a large comfortable bed,other furniture and decorations. I would make it look as far from S’sexpectations for a terrorist cell as possible. But there’s no TV and absolutelyno internet or outside source of news/information.

 Then I’d introduce herto ‘A’. A is young, female, pretty, highly intelligent, extremely articulateand appears to be very sympathetic. She’s been part of the terrorist cell foryears.

 The first time A showsup she apologises for keeping S alone in there. You see the terrorists arereally worried that if they keep S near the other prisoners she’ll get hurt.This is for her safety. If plausible I’d also have A claim that they weren’t trying to snatch S and that she wasmistaken for someone within her husband’s organisation.

 A is very accommodating. She wants to makesure S is alright. Is the food OK? Does she want any more books?

 In fact A comes by foran hour or two every day, may be several times a day, just to talk and make sure S is doing alright.

 For the first month orso they don’t talk about the terrorist group or the organisation S’s husband ispart of, though A will always reassure S that her husband is alright.

 Then, once they’vebuilt up a friendly relationship, A will casually mention one day that shefinds it hard to believe a woman as nice and kind as S could ever have anythingto do with that awful organisation her husband runs. And S will be surprised.She’ll probably protest that the organisation is made up of good people doinggood work. A will look sad.

 Over the next fewmonths they’ll talk about the organisation more and more. A has a verydifferent view of them. And she’ll talk, reluctantly, about how theorganisation are butchers. She’ll tell S about ‘atrocities’ committed all overthe world. She’ll talk about rape and enslavement, destruction of wholevillages and poisoned water supplies.

 And S will say that itisn’t possible. They’d never do a thing like that.

 And slowly, veryslowly, A will start to prove her ‘wrong’. She’ll bring in phones with videointerviews of people crying about the horrible things the organisation did.She’ll bring in photographs of mounds of dead bodies. She’ll bring in anyinformation the terrorist cell can fake.

 Over months she’llpersuade S that the organisation isbad.

 And S will insist thather husband can’t possibly know about this. And A will look sad.

 Now their conversationswill shift again, A will start talking more and more about things the terroristorganisation are doing. She’ll say some of the atrocities they’re accused ofare lies and she’ll excuse some of them, because they’re a small group, theydon’t have the best weapons, they don’t have that much money- What else couldthey do?

 She’ll also talk aboutall the ‘good’ the terrorist organisation has done. She’ll probably have aheart wrenching personal story about how they saved her life, literally ormetaphorically. She’ll talk about all the people she’s ‘helped’ since joining.How it’s given her life meaning.

 A’s more willing totalk about the news now. She’ll tell S all sorts of awful things theorganisation is doing. And when A leaves each day S won’t be sure who she’shoping will ‘win’ any more.

 Next A will startintroducing the idea that S’s husband knows.That he’s behind much of this. She’lllisten to S’s stories about him and work in the details she’s learnt about howhe talks, how he acts. She’ll weave himinto her latest tales of the organisation’s recent atrocities.

 And she’ll be so so sorry to have to tell S all this.

 After a year or sothey’ll start letting S out of the cell. She’ll help A with A’s ‘regular duties’which should be simple, non-violent, things like cooking in the mess hall orcleaning up the pathetic ramshackle ‘hospital’ the terrorists have put up.

 A will be very carefulwho she lets speak to S. (The wrong word at this stage could destroyeverything).

 S will find she enjoysthis unpaid work far more than she enjoys being alone in her cell.

 A will not encourageher to become violent and angry. If A has done her job correctly she won’t haveto. She’ll talk about the destruction of cities by the organisation and S will volunteer to helpbuild bombs.

 Then after two or threeyears of this, S is ‘rescued’.

 She’s home. She’s withher husband again.

 She can’t stop thinkingabout A.

 She’s awkward, hesitantand distant. She insists that the terrorists didn’t hurt her and she doesn’tengage with therapy. She distrusts the mainstream news.

 She asks her husbandstrange, open ended questions. ‘What happened on the mission to x last year?’‘And the mission to y?’

 Her husband shrugs. Hemight give her a couple of brief overviews but he’s probably not supposed totalk about his missions in detail. So he says they were normal missions.

 And S lies next to himat night thinking about the photos of bodies, the people in the videos whocried. She thinks about the smiling terrorists in the mess hall thanking herfor their lunch and the bandaged children in the hospital.

 And then one night sheputs a kitchen knife under her pillow and stabs her husband through the heartwhile he sleeps.

 She showers. She putson clean clothes. She packs a bag.

 And she walks away.

 She finds A is waiting.

 A’s role is creepy,manipulative and completely immoral but ultimately this transformation, theseactions are S’s choice.

 There’s no force and noviolence. Keeping S isolated means that she’s more likely to become dependanton A because without A she is literally alone. It could, potentially, turn herrelationship with A into the most important thing in her world. That would bethe ideal outcome for the people manipulating her.

 There’s a lot of lying and misrepresentinginformation and limiting S’s access to information. That happens in real cultsand real terrorist organisations.

 But despite all that,murdering her husband and going back to the terrorist cell are ultimately the character’s choice. The trick isshowing the readers why she’s making that choice, how she got to that point.

 That’s how I’d writeit.

Disclaimer

[thedrunknextdoor]

Bare Your Teeth and Dig Your Grave

What is this? I have no idea. Character study? Inferences? Headcanons? Who knows my friends.

Any way time to thank @liketolaugh-dgm and her friends @nea-writes @lpwrites @allxnwalkxr for giving me points on characterization in an ask because they’re way better than meeeee

Summary: The General has a lot of information that no one knows. The most important piece, he thinks, is the fact that Allen Walker has always been a pretty creepy child.

Part 1/??? will maybe be a stand alone if people think it sucks??

Characters: Cross, Allen Walker, Lvellie, mentions of Link

Warnings: Cussing, slight mental breakdowns, very very vague illusions (?) to blood and very nasty eating habits

The kid is creepy. 

Cross has an attachment to him, and would possibly even give the brat a hand in a crisis, sure, but that doesn’t mean he’ll deny the facts, and the fact is that the boy is everything but normal. And while that’s not exactly uncommon for anyone in the Order, Allen Walker takes the aspect a little too far. 

Thing is, Cross discovered this a few months after he’d been with the boy, and though it was a slightly unforeseen and (though he’ll never admit it) off putting bump in the road, Marian Cross had a mission and multiple sex partners and beer, so he had gotten used to it-or, rather, chose to ignore it. 

Those around the Order, not so much. 

Now, Cross knows this is partially because everyone at the Order, while slightly useful in fights, are also some of the biggest idiots on the face of this planet, not to mention how irritating the giant stick-up-his-ass Director so happens to be-so much so that Marian is generally baffled at how the whole organization could’ve stayed balanced this long, all things considered. 

In anyway, the other part to this predicament is the fact that Allen Walker has-or had-a poker face-a practiced one, and one the auburn haired man is proud to say was the result of his absolutely brilliant mentoring skills-so he was able to keep his rather annoying tendencies at bay. Along with those, it seemed the teenager’s….other traits were hidden as well. 

The point is, Cross Marian knows Allen Walker. Maybe not every detail, definitely not every move to be made, but he knows that the sweet, naive boy he had made himself out to be for the Order was not who he was. Maybe it is because the fourteenth’s influence had always been just a pull-or more accurately, a push-away, or maybe it is because Allen Walker has always been able to paint a smile on his face as easily as a there-but-not-quite clown does before a show. 

Either way, it doesn’t surprise the General when he and his disciple are left alone (well, physically at least-the wires spread throughout the room by Director Stuck-Up and his gangster boys are a nuisance, yet it is what it is, and Marian can not find it in himself to care), and Allen Walker sits himself down on the red velvet couch, jaw twitching and scarred hand running over the fabric beneath him. The fact that the boy isn’t restrained would be slightly surprising if not for Lvellie’s previous declaration ensuring that the boy would be soon.

 'What a hairy bastard,’ Cross thinks blandly. 

“Master, do you know what it feels like to die?“ 

He doesn’t answer, not that he really wants to, and he doubts the pale haired boy would pay attention even if he did. 

“I’ve almost died multiple times,” Allen continues, a bitter grin on his face, “Over and over, again and again for them and for you and for the Noah to cease to exist-and I am not one of them-I am me, I am Allen Walker, I am your disciple, I am an exorcist, I want to save everyone, I have to save everyone, maybe even me, I have to keep going or what is the point?" 

There’s a pause, and it seems as if the teenager is in hysterics, breathing heavy and fists clenched. Cross says nothing, only letting out a breath of smoke as he flicks the ashes off the cigarette in hand. The General says nothing and does not move and simply watches and waits, chin cradled in his hand as he leans on the armrest. 

Then-it happens. 

Fists slowly coming undone, eyes fogging over and breath evening out, the boy wipes the bit of blood dripping from a sore spot on his lip, licking it off his hand afterwards. 

Forever changing eyes gleam with something greedy as small lips stretch wide and far into anything and everything but a kind smile. "I’m starving.” It’s a simple statement, one that shouldn’t mean as much as it does, and for a moment Cross begins to wonder (maybe even begins to hope) that it is the fourteenth come alive again, but he knows that even the last of the Noah would never be this far gone. 

Speaking for the first time since their meeting, Marian Cross chuckles, “Save it for the enemy, brat. You can’t eat what you want here." 

The teenager’s lips curl into a snarl at the corner, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance. "Fuck you,” Allen spits, and it almost seems normal-normal for him, anyway-despite the fact that it is most definitely not. 

“You do know they’re listening right?” The General questions mockingly, wishing he’d ordered these idiots to bring him more wine because he has things to do-important things that he obviously can’t do while sober. 

Scoffing, Allen sticks his tongue out, “They can bite me,” he enunciates the last two words just for the Director and his friends, before continuing after a beat, “Except Link. He’s okay. Ish. I don’t want him to bite me-not in that way at least." 

It’s disgusting and completely out of character for the little facade the younger has so carefully worn, but the man isn’t surprised considering Allen has been close to cracking for a while now. 

A knock on the door signals the meeting’s end, and Allen rolls his eyes in distaste as he shakes his head, breathing in and out slowly before pasting a smile of purity and satisfaction across his face for finally getting a chance to yell at his mentor-or whatever story he’ll decide to spin. 

As he leaves, Cross rolls the cigarette in between his teeth before calling out to the boy. 

Allen turns just slightly, eyebrows raised in question. 

"If you continue this way you’re going to eat everyone alive, even the people you like, idiot. Don’t come crying to me when you do." 

"Stupid master,” is all he gets in response, and he doesn’t expect anything less. 

What Cross also expects is the look Director Ass Hat gives him as he exits the room. 

“And what in the hell was that about? I want an explanation General." 

Marian is not even remotely tempted to give him the whole truth, but he does say this, and it is certainly not a lie, 

"Do not push Allen too far Director. You don’t know anything about me, and you most definitely don’t know anything about that brat." 

He strolls away with a smirk after that, ignoring the calls back, and pondering how stupid they’ll be to keep pushing-pushing until there’s no longer an Allen Walker to be known anymore.

Reviews are appreciated   

[journeysintowebcomics]

Worm Liveblog #5

UPDATE 5: Let’s Join a Team of Villains

Last time Taylor was on infodump duty, using the Internet to find information about several characters. It was all rather useful, but among this all there was a message for Taylor, signed by Tattetale. Should she answer? Signs point to yes. So let’s continue!

But before anything else happens, there are depressing high school days to endure. The group of bullies that usually torment Taylor gathered six other people to bully her today. Alright, I’m prepared for what may happen. Honestly, I’m easily manipulated by scenes where a character gets mercilessly trampled – metaphorically and/or literally – so I’m already kind of dreading what I’ll see.

There was no beating around the bush here. The very first line of the chapter was outright telling to Taylor’s face that nobody wanted her around. Ouch. The rest of the girls soon join, starting to hurl every insult they could think. ‘It was both calculating in how they were managing plausible deniability while at the same time they were acting totally juvenile by pretending I wasn’t there.’ Well what can one say, a lot of people say kids and teenagers are cruel. They certainly have the potential to be, I guess.

Not that Taylor bothers to react much. In fact...her narration sounds rather matter-of-fact, not a hint of being affected by any of this, and that seems to be intentional. It isn’t like this is the first time anyone insulted her, and this group wasn’t even that good at it. ‘The point wasn’t being witty, being smart or being on target.  It was more about delivering the feeling behind the words over and over, hammering it in.’ Well they’re not doing a very good job, then! Taylor sounds very unaffected by this all. It’s a big relief, honestly. Compared to what happened with the juices and ruining her stuff, this is almost ineffectual. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still horrible and all these girls deserve a good slap to the back of the head at the very least, but it’s not the worse Taylor could have experienced.

‘They wanted me to fight back, because everything was stacked in their favor. If I stood up for myself and they still ‘won’, then it only served to feed their egos.  If I came out ahead in some way, then they got more persistent and mean for the next time.’ In other words, Taylor will just lean against the wall and let them rave to their hearts’ content. You know, not give them the satisfaction of giving them any reaction. It doesn’t seem to me like the girls care, though, they just keep going. Not even when Mr. Gladly leaves the classroom they stop. Well there you have it, buddy, proof positive of bullying and who does it. You kinda wanted it as a start to help Taylor, didn’t you?

‘No less than five minutes ago, Mr. Gladly had been trying to convince me to go with him to the office and tell the principal about the bullying.  I watched him as he gave me a sad look, shifted the file folders to his free hand and then walked away.’

...

...

...oh you fucker.

Yeah, Gladly looks straight at Taylor and then walks away. The girls weren’t being exactly subtle here, there’s no conceivable excuse he could have, he just...he saw what was going on and went away. I have no words – okay, no, I have a lot of words, but for the sake of not turning this into eleven paragraphs of ranting towards that guy I’ll force myself not to type any of that. It’s for the better.

Taylor is rightfully appalled he just walked away like that and continues ignoring the girls the best she can, wishing they were all boys so they could punch each other and end it that way. I kinda have a hard time picturing nine boys huddling together to do something like this, eh. ‘If I decked Emma, she would run to the office with some fabricated story, her friends backing up her version of events.’ Yeah, I can see that happening. If there’s something Taylor has a lot of is fortitude, much more than myself and most people I know. I don’t think there’s anyone reading this story or even this liveblog that wouldn’t be tempted of subtly using the bug powers if one was nearby. It’s a good trait to have, but at the same time I wish Taylor stood up for herself more...but that’s not a complaint about her characterization. That’s just me feeling bad for her.

Since the lack of reaction makes them be more and more bored, Emma decides to intervene and pour fuel into the fire the best she can. I suppose she’ll have good ammunition, given how she and Taylor were friends before. I’ll just...take a deep breath and scroll down and hope Taylor can continue enduring this without a word.

“You look upset.” Really? Taylor opens her mouth to tell Emma the classic rebuttal of ‘fuck you’, but she doesn’t have time to do that before Emma keeps going. ‘“So upset you’re going to cry yourself to sleep for a straight week?” she asked. My words died in my throat as I processed her words.’ And that did manage to hit the spot, apparently. Flashback time, to the times when they were friends.

“...my dad had been on the other end, waiting to tell me in a broken voice that my mom had died in a car accident.” ...oh. So it wasn’t an estranged wife or anything like that, she’s dead. Well that was the second most likely choice, but damn. As if Taylor needed more horrible stuff in her life. As anyone can imagine, nobody took well the news. Everyone cried, and the grief lasted quite some time, to the point where Taylor’s father almost neglected Taylor. That’s how hard it hit them. A month later, Emma confesses something that seems a bit of a transparent effort to appeal for the reader’s sympathy, honestly. ‘“You know, I admire you,” she had said, abruptly.’ Yeah...no, I hardly believe that, past friends or not. ‘“You’re so resilient.  After your mom died, you were totally in pieces, but you’re so together after a month. I couldn’t do that.”’ It wasn’t a recent trait, brought up from the bullying and having to cope with it, huh. Taylor was always the resilient type. I like that of her.

Back then Taylor admitted that she cried herself to sleep for a week already, and starts crying on Taylor’s shoulder – metaphorically, I suppose. And now Emma is using that moment of genuine pain to punch Taylor where it hurts, so to speak. Wow. That’s a low blow. One needs to be a rather callous person to remember such moment of vulnerability and use it against her like that.

Taylor does start crying, even though she tries to hide it and suppress further tears, and that’s what everyone was hoping to see. All those girls are delighted. ‘“It’s like you have a superpower, Emma!” one of the girls tittered.’ Hmmmmnnng. I don’t know if Mr. Wildbow should go on this route, but what matters is the execution of the idea, not the idea itself, I think. Does Emma have a superpower? Maybe she does.

All this is enough to push Taylor to leave the school for the day, leaving her stuff and her project behind. While she left, she admitted to herself that she was feeling strongly tempted to indulge into revenge. ‘I wasn’t going to break the promise I had made to myself.  No using powers on them.  That was the line I wasn’t crossing.  Even if I did something utterly innocuous, like give them all lice, I didn’t trust myself to stop there.’ I don’t know, I think there are a lot of chances she breaks her promise someday. It’s the kind of thing that’d be satisfying at first and then bring a lot of trouble later, especially if anyone somehow links the bugs to Taylor. I could see it happen. After vowing to herself again that she wouldn’t cross that line, she wonders what to do during this afternoon. Good thing there’s a note to reply to that may lead to something to do now!

And that’s the end of the chapter. Well, at first it didn’t seem like it’d be as bad as I expected – in terms of Taylor again being bullied, not in terms of writing – and then it turned out to be just as bad as I expected. It was nice to have a flashback to Taylor’s past and the friendship with Emma, and Gladly just walking away does show how isolated Taylor is. Other than that, there’s nothing particularly remarkable about this chapter, it mostly being a way to get Taylor out of the school to maybe pursue the note Tattletale left. Next!

Since returning to school is not an option and going home may end with Taylor explaining why she was at home during a school day, she decides to go downtown and think about Tattletale’s note. There’s something about that group that gets her attention. It was perplexing.  These guys were, in large part, virtual unknowns.  ‘From what I knew of Grue and Hellhound, they were both marginally successful B-list villains who had been barely scraping by.  Now both were on a team that was pulling high profile heists and confounding even the likes of Armsmaster.’ Taylor isn’t wrong here, they sounded rather different and not at all like two villains that’d be together in a team. There may be a big story behind that! Taylor also notes there doesn’t seem to be a concrete leadership, instead everyone seems to bicker with each other and not follow anyone’s orders. That’s for the better, I think, otherwise there’d be a risk of labelling one the leader and the rest as henchmen, in my opinion. When powers are involved, egos and personalities need to be balanced very carefully, even more if there are villains involved. That’s what I think.

It’s lunch time and Taylor has no money; she briefly amuses herself by considering to ask the villain group to buy her a burger as thanks. Haha, yeah, they would, I think! But the point here is that she did consider meeting with them again. ‘As I thought on it, though, the notion that I might actually consider taking Tattletale up on her offer of a meeting nagged at me.’ Go ahead, Taylor, and I’m not saying it because that’s what the summary says will happen. I myself am interested in finding out more about Grue and the rest. Mr. Wildbow did a good job establishing them as interesting characters right during the first impression, and that’s vital for a good story. She does continue considering meeting with them, but soon it morphs into a plan to be a mole and gather information. ‘If I got anything worth sharing, I could turn around and give it to Armsmaster so he could use it against them. Just going by what Armsmaster had said about these guys and the scarcity of information on them, it would be a pretty major coup for the good guys.’ Months could pass before anything worth sharing is found, and once you do...what are the chances they don’t find out it was you? It’d be prudent to wait weeks after finding out something useful before tattling on them, and that’s still a very risky move. You’re getting into a world of trouble here, Taylor.

‘That said, I suspected that when it came out that I was a hero and not a villain, they would count it as such regardless.’ Hmmmmm...technically? Taylor is not a hero. She’s not affiliated to anything, she hasn’t done any heroic actions – with credit – and overall for the moment there’s no reason for them to think she’s a hero. Taylor is safe on that regard, although she doesn’t think she is.

All in all, she has decided to take a leap of faith and contact them. Everything else comes later! So for now Taylor goes to the library and looks for a computer to reply to them.

Subject: Re:Bug

Bug here. Would like to meet, but want proof you are Tt.  I’ll reciprocate if needed.

Whoooops, the deal is sealed. If Tattletale does contact back, I don’t think they’ll accept a no for an answer if she decides not to meet with them. It’s good thinking, though, she’s making sure this isn’t a trap. It doesn’t take long for a reply to arrive, reciting details only Tattletale could conceivably know. Yeah, it’s her.

‘If we meet at 3 will that give you enough time to get there from library with everything you need?  let me know’ And she knows where Taylor is, to boot. Haha, I’m impressed! I’m very curious to find out how her powers work, this is cool. Taylor is less impressed and more scared, but yeah, by now it’s not a good idea to back down. It isn’t like she has any other option; Tattletale could find out. Betraying the group seems less and less like a viable idea, too.

‘If I went, best case scenario, I could get enough information to turn them in.  I’d get mucho cred from the good guys and respect from an international celebrity.’ No, they won’t. They may be offering a chance to meet them, but I really doubt they’d leave themselves wide open like that, disguises or not. Taylor also considers letting Armsmaster keep the credit or just help him make the bust. Hmmmm...well it’d be a risk. This group so far doesn’t seem as fearsome as Bakuda and Oni Lee, but there’s always the chance one or more of them escape, and I’m sure they’d try to get revenge too. Armsmaster and heroes of his caliber have the advantage of being in a group and also being strong foes, Taylor is...she is Taylor. The way I see for her to not have retaliation would be to join the Wards, but I don’t really see her joining them, not even after a possible betrayal. The emotional wounds from the high school are deep, I think.

But yeah, she decides to go to the meeting, if only because she didn’t have anything better to do. Here we go! Chapter end. I think I have time for one chapter more.

‘I showed up in costume.  I didn’t care if they thought it was rude or paranoid, I would rather be capable of surviving having a knife pulled on me than play nice.’ ...well, good to see that you’re careful, Taylor. I don’t know if they’ll accept this, but it’s good to see she has her own wellbeing in mind – as much wellbeing as one can have when meeting villains, hahaha. She doesn’t stop there, either, she also sends flies as scouts, and explains how the sensory feedback works. It’s rather complicated, as bugs perceive the world in ways humans don’t, but Taylor has trained herself to be able to work with it. Touch is the main element, though, and that’s what she likes to use the most.

The flies approach three people on a roof, and looks like those three let the flies land on them for enough time for Taylor to notice they had no masks. Hmmm...I’m not sure if they’ll take well that Taylor has the mask on. Would she be willing to take the mask off during the meeting?

Since she verified those three were there, Taylor gets on the roof and starts describing them. They’re so distinctive she can even guess who is who. I’m not going to transcribe the descriptions here, but indeed, their physical appearance do fit their villain persona. Nicely done, Mr. Wildbow.

“And she arrives,” Tattletale crowed, “Pay up.”

Regent’s scowl deepened for a second, and he fished in his pocket for a wad of bills, which he forked over to Tattletale.

“You bet on whether I would show up?” I ventured.

“We bet on whether you would come in costume,” Tattletale told me.  Then, more to Regent than to me, she said, “and I won.”

Hahaha, alright! It’s not difficult for me to like a character. It’s more unusual for me to dislike someone, and usually those I dislike deserve it for reasons I make sure to write here in public. That said, I think Tattletale is starting to turn into my favorite character in Worm so far. I like what I have seen so far regarding her personality.

No one is offended Taylor came with her costume because that’s what they would have done. Crisis averted! They all start introducing themselves with their real names. Grue is Brian, Tattletale is Lisa, and Regent is Alec. Rachel – Bitch – didn’t come because she disagrees with the reason to meet Taylor. Not the type to express gratitude, perhaps? ‘“What is the aim of this meeting?  I’m a little weirded out with you guys revealing your secret identities like this, or at least, pretending to.’ Going straight to the point, always a good idea.

Huh, interesting. So it was Grue who insisted to come without disguises. I didn’t think he’d be the one with that idea. No hint as to what the other two think about it. Well, the reason they all came is to give Taylor payback for saving them from Lung the other night. Here, have a lunchbox. Haha, did they really buy her lunch?

Nah, what matters is inside. ‘“Money,” I breathed, caught off guard by suddenly having so much in my hands.  Eight stacks of bills, tied with paper bands.  Each of the paper bands had a number written on it in permanent marker. Two fifty each… Lisa answered before I had the number totaled up in my head, “Two grand.”’ ...well, jackpot! And all it took was risking her life in ways she shouldn’t have. How many of the people who read this story would take the money and run? I’m betting many would. I know I would. Yeah, honestly, I’m a bit of a coward. Then again, I wouldn’t be in a situation like this in the first place.

So the deal here is that Taylor has two options: she either takes the money, or she joins them...and also takes the money. Wow, they have a salary? Well, allowance, but it’s the same thing. They sure know how to make the offer attractive! But yes, this is Taylor’s one chance to join the Undersiders.

“Two thousand a month,” I said.

“No,” Brian cut in, “That’s just what the boss pays us, to stick together and to stay active. We make, uh, considerably more than that.”

Hahaha, going straight for the ‘crime doesn’t pay’ subversion. That’s always a fun one. Also of interest I see ‘the boss’ part. Interesting. What kind of person would they all be content to have as a boss?

It seems this isn’t the first time they try to recruit a member more for the Undersiders, and Bitch doesn’t like the idea because she doesn’t want to divide the money and earn less. I can respect that. They mention one ‘Spitfire’, who I’m sure Taylor will proceed to exposit on right in the next paragraph.

No, I was wrong, no exposition. Instead they grumble about how Spitfire got recruited by another person. There was also this Circus, and she...hmmm...she rejected the offer, to say the least. Hah! ‘“So you’re going the extra mile, with no costumes as a show of trust and a cash bonus up front, to get me to join,” I said, as the pieces came together.’ Yeah, that’s the gist of the offer. The Undersiders want more strength, so they avoid screwing up in the future. Taylor tries to argue that she’s nowhere strong enough to be of help. Maybe, but you have a strategic mind, Taylor, that’s valuable too. The Undersiders Minus Rachel tell her she’s wrong, given all she did to Lung. “Honey,” Lisa said, “Entire teams of capes have gone up against Lung and got their asses handed to them.  That you managed as well as you did is fantastic.  The fact that the asshole is lying in a hospital bed because of you is the icing on the cake.” Hoh! And here I thought villains took care of wounds and the such back at their homes/lairs.

...okay, I didn’t expect all the bugs that stung Lung to actually damage him like this! Lisa isn’t painting a pretty picture at all. With all the very poisonous spiders and everything else that attacked him, he had to go to the hospital for treatment.

“But he regenerates!” I protested, dropping my hands, “Toxins aren’t supposed to be even one percent as effective against people who heal like he does.”

“They’re effective enough, I guess, or his healing stopped working somewhere along the line” Lisa told me, “By the time they got to him, the big guy was just beginning to suffer from large scale tissue necrosis.  His heart even stopped a few times.  You do remember where you had the bugs bite him?”

Holy smokes! Taylor, you almost killed Lung! That is—wow. That’s a lot more than she bargained for. How will she feel about this, I wonder? So far it doesn’t seem like she’s happy at all about harming Lung this much.

‘I could see my reputation going down the tubes.’ ...wait a second. How did I forget Lung had been imprisoned by the Armsmaster? Ugh, I’m such an idiot. Either way, Taylor isn’t mistaken, this is the kind of thing that’d make the Armsmaster wonder what exactly Taylor did and why she went so “overboard”. Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if people around Armsmaster question why Lung is dying from toxins and bug bites that include necrosis and heart attacks. Taylor’s brownie points are as good as gone and not even 24 hours have passed. No wonder she’ll join the Undersiders, if this is the result of her first incursion into the world of heroism!

Taylor, I didn’t need to picture Lung having necrosis on his dick. It’d have been great if you didn’t remind me you ‘had my bugs biting Lung in the more sensitive parts of his anatomy.’ Tattetale is more than happy to think about this. Hooray.

Brian decides to meddle in this before Lisa continues her report of the extent of the damage on Lung and asks if he’ll get better anytime soon. He will, but it won’t be quick. ‘he should be in good working order in six months to a year.”’ Taylor, you are tremendous. And then Alec ruins the moment by by reminding me that the damage he suffered isn’t pretty. ‘“Because if someone made my man bits fall off, I’d be out for blood.”’ Taylor, you’re in mortal danger.

Our protagonist has her thoughts in order and demands to know how Lisa’s powers work, and I lean closer to the screen in interest. Sadly, there’s no answer. She wants to keep some secrets. Oh well, maybe next time, because the full details are only for team members. ‘What I can tell you is that we’re a good group. Our track record is top notch, and we’re in it for fun and profit.  No grand agenda.  No real responsibility.”’ Doing this mostly for profit, I’d wager. I’m still a bit starstruck by the two thousand dollar salary.

And so Taylor decides to join the group. Congratulations! The little I knew from the summary has been fulfilled. What comes next in this story is uncharted territory for me. This is exciting! For the moment I will just...

There. That’s it for now.

Next update: seven updates