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letsbeoutoftouch · 3 years ago

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Back in December 2016, during a sleepover, my friends and I decided to watch EXO's Chanyeol's most recent movie, "So I Married an Anti-Fan". It effortlessly became one of my favourite movies, so much so that I rewatch it —at least— once a year.

Therefore, when it was first announced that South Korea was going to produce a drama based on the same story, I was thrilled. The feeling only increased when I found out that the male lead was Choi Tae-Joon, whom I loved because of Suspicious Partner. Later (to be more precise, this year), I discovered that the other lead was the one and only Sooyoung from SNSD!

The drama was filmed back in 2018, and it was supposed to air a loooot sooner, but it had a few problems and it finally came out this year. Since I don't like waiting for episodes to come out each week, I waited until it finished airing to watch it... And, today, I finished it!

So, here's my review, fresh out the oven!

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So I Married an Anti-Fan is a 2021 South Korean drama, featuring Choi Tae-Joon, Choi Sooyoung, Hwang Chansung and Han Ji-Ahn. It's based on the novel "그래서 나는 안티팬과 결혼했다" (So I Married an Anti-Fan), written by Kim Eun Jun and published in 2010.

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♡ PLOT:

The story revolves around Hoo Joon (Tae-Joon), a well-known idol, and Geun Young (Sooyoung), a magazine reporter. They meet during an event, where a series of misunderstandings leads them to have a bad impression of each other.

For this reason, when Geun Young loses her job, she's under the impression that it was Hoo Joon's doing and is therefore keen on "reveal" Joon's real character. However, her retaliation backfires, and she attracts a lot of attention as his "anti-fan".

Later, a TV producer approaches them both to star in a reality show. Geun Young and Hoo Joon accept and think to give each other a hard time on set. But, as time goes by, they get to know each other better and better.

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♡ EPISODES:

It's made up of 16 episodes, running for an hour each (i.e., your typical k-drama).

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♡ CHARACTERS:

-Geun Young (FL): She's the best character, hands down (I swear I'm not being biased because I love Sooyoung).

For some reason, I've seen a lot of bad comments about this character. I don't truly understand why some people said that she didn't stand up for herself or that she was so-so, when she dealt really well with everything that had happened to her. I'd like to see all those people in her shoes—I bet they'd have cracked up quickly.

Also, she's like the least toxic character I've ever come across in a drama. She waits patiently for Joon to deal with his problems and doesn't jump to conclusions regarding his relationship with In Hyeong and Jae Joon. She lets him do his thing, is an independent woman, and tries to be as little of a burden as she can to the people she cares about. So, props to her!

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-Hoo Joon (ML): Although I overall liked his character, I admit that if I hadn't previously watched the movie, I'd probably be wary of him at the beginning. But, don't worry: as the story progresses, you get to know him better. He's patient and thinks of other people's feelings and well-being a lot (sometimes, a little too much for his own good, but he's a good boy).

I felt the need to include that there was this one scene where he acts... In a way that I didn't find appealing. Fortunately, he isn't like that all throughout the drama. Also, he isn't toxic like a lot of the male leads in drama-land. If you're wondering which scene I'm referring to, here's a spoiler: *SPOILER ALERT* When he and Geun Young start dating, they are requested to film an advertisement together. In the filming, he acts all "jealous" because the dress she was wearing was too short for his liking. I'm sorry, but she's the only one who has a say on how short a dress she's wearing is—not you, not even if you're her partner *END OF SPOILER ALERT*.

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-JJ/Jae Joon (SML): Jae Joon is the second male lead, and he was portrayed by 2PM's Chansung.

I'm sorry, but I never could come to terms with this character, not even during the last episodes. If the writers' intention was for me to hate him, they (and Chansung's acting) totally achieved that purpose.

He is incredibly selfish and keeps this attitude up to episode 13/14. Towards the ending, the story tries that the audience feels some sympathy towards him—it is shown why he acted the way he did. Nevertheless, in my opinion, while his past may explain his actions, it doesn't justify any of them. That's why I couldn't bring myself to feel sympathetic or empathetic towards him. *SPOILER ALERT* In fact, I think Hoo Joon was too nice to be there for him in the last two or three episodes. *END OF SPOILER ALERT*

He's also outright abusive. *SPOILER ALERT* I mean, he slapped In Hyeong and broke her laptop ¿?... Even though I didn't like her that much, nothing justifies that kind of violent behaviour. *END OF SPOILER ALERT*

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-In Hyeong (SFL): She's the second female lead, portrayed by actress Han Ji-Ahn.

Oh, man. I had a hard time trying to wrap my head around this character. I was just going to say that I couldn't stand her because she was always purposely putting a spanner in the works, making everyone's life difficult.

However, as I was drafting this review, I began reflecting on the character and felt sympathy for her. She was in a vulnerable place—leaving aside that she felt abandoned by her first love, she had trouble trying to make her career take off, and she was in a really abusive relationship. It could be argued that JJ and In Hyeon were both toxic to each other, but it was clear that he was the one with the upper hand (he was the CEO of her new agency, which brings a real disbalance of power).

Moreover, it was hinted several times that all she went through took a toll on her mental health (*SPOILER ALERT* she was always taking pills to calm down, and she freaking tried to kill herself!!!!!!! *END OF SPOILER ALERT*). I believe she needed professional help to put herself back together, so she could let go of her past and finally leave that abusive relationship.

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♡ COUPLES:

Since this drama mostly gravitates towards romantic relationships, I'm including this section.

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-Geun Young x Hoo Joon: They are your typical enemies to lovers.

In the beginning, their relationship was tainted by a lot of misunderstandings, which led them to hate each other's guts (but, where's the charm in a k-drama that isn't filled with misunderstandings, am I right?). Once they started to spend more time together, they began understanding each other better. In time, they were able to leave their pride aside and got rid of their prejudices (yes, the story gives Jane Austen-ish vibes, so much so that "Pride and Prejudice" is mentioned a few times).

Their chemistry was alright. I would have changed some parts of the script that made a lot of scenes to be super cringey—especially, before some of their kisses (like, what a way to ruin such an awaited moment!).

The thing I liked the most about them was that neither of them was toxic, and they knew how and when to give the other person space. They were sweet, but not unbearable sweet—just the exact amount.

▫ ▫ ▫

-In Hyeong x Jae Joon: I don't know if they can be considered a true couple, but I'm adding them here just to repeat that I HATED THEM TOGETHER.

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♡ SOME PERSONAL INTERPRETATIONS AND THOUGHTS:

For me, the story tries to show the two sides of the same coin: things that may seem completely different, but are essentially the same. You can see it with Hoo Joon/Geun Young, their friends, and even with Hoo Joon/Jae Joon. Of course, this could be argued—it is just my personal impression.

Also, while the drama condemns some of the toxic fan behaviour, it sometimes romanticises it. *SPOILER ALERT* one fan freaking kidnapped him, and everything was suddenly alright ¿¿ Nuh-uh *END OF SPOILER ALERT*

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♡ DRAMA VS. MOVIE:

As I mentioned above, there's a prior Chinese movie from 2016 that was based on this novel. It features EXO's Chanyeol, Yuan Shan Shan, SNSD's Seohyun, and Jian Chao.

For obvious reasons, the story is shrunk down in the movie. There are a lot of things that weren't included in the movie, other things were overly simplified, and some stuff was missing and/or changed.

If you want to have a good laugh, then I recommend you to watch the movie. It's filled with non-sensical comedy that, in my opinion, China excels at. However, if you are more inclined towards drama, then the South Korean version is the one for you (you'll laugh, too, don't worry).

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♡ SUMMARY:

This is, basically, a sweet enemies-to-lovers, famous-person-and-normal-person story. If you like any of those troupes, then you're in for a treat.

It's a really lighthearted story that will make you laugh. Don't expect a complicated plot because there won't be one. It's ideal to have a break from all those dramas where you can't miss a single detail because you'll get lost, or from those dramas which plots are so heavy they end up tiring your mind out.

I loved the cast, and their acting was great (especially Chansung's, because he made me hate his character with a passion, lmao).

ALSO, if you like Sung Hoon (My Secret Romance, Oh My Venus) like me, then WATCH THIS DRAMA, lol. He has a guest role in some episodes!

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So I Married an Anti-Fan is available on VIKI!

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If you read the whole review, thank you very much! I hope you liked it.

#so i married an anti fan #so i married the anti fan #kdrama #kdramas #choi sooyoung #choi tae joon #chansung #han ji ahn #review

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nikkoliferous · 4 years ago

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Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram:

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all.

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy

Just wanna remind everyone that this

is why he’s smiling during this scene

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring.

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger

Honestly, though, big mood.

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway.

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather.

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is.

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess…

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD.

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit.

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

#phase one: thor #loki meta #thor meta #odin's a+ parenting #frigga's b+ parenting #topic: thor and loki's broken relationship #loki #thor #heimdall #lady sif #the warriors 3 #jane foster #ragnarok cinematic universe #mcu #topic: asgardian hypocrisy #topic: asgardian militarism #topic: odin's family dynamic

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yuukannahito98 · 4 years ago

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The end of my journey...

Okay, after a journey that I had traveled for 6 years, I arrived at a state where I would end everything. Even though I was so ready, so ready if I had to write the ending of this story as MaouxChiho, I never thought it would ended so much worst like this.

Not only disappointed with vol 21, I even like being slapped. It's not about whether I've read the whole novel or not, but even I don't want to know the full volume like this. and for me, who always believes in the stories made by Wagahara, believing that he will be the person who will make the main character live happily, I felt so betrayed. Wagahara is the person who always makes Emi a character who has serious inner heart problems than the others, but it turns out that he will also be a person who only uses those as bait.

Not because of maouemi. No. Not because of that. It was because when even I found out that Emi, one of the main characters, one of our favorites, ends up like this. Like an item that has only been used. No proper ending, no proper happiness, no proper confession, and still doing everything even if that must to sacrifice her own feelings to the one she love.

Wagahara was great. Really great. can make other people fall in love with the character, but willing to destroy the character in the end. Which makes the reader can do nothing but accept.

When I reread all of my posts on this tumblr, I didn't know what to do, so I laughed. Large, enormous. It's not us who make it up, even if we didn't thinking anything, all of that affectionate words from that damn demon, Wagahara's words, that were uttered by him when he described Emi's feelings, turned out to be all just anglers.

Not only that, the plot in vol 20, which can be said to be very beautiful, as if all of it was just a fishing rod, a commercial tool. And then after faith in 2 years waiting the series, suddenly wagahara gives a very different version of every character except Emi and Alas-ramus, at the end of the story. I even feel sick. what's with this ending ?!

Maou and Chiho, really, I am so happy for you both. You guys deserve each other..

I didn't even think he could turn Maou into someone we really hates in volume 21. As for Chiho, I am so done with her. There's something wrong with her. there is no way some highschool girl who dreamed her love will be a man with harem while she still at a first place from that harem. And not only that, suggesting your friend, Emi, to be the one of that harem of the man she loves. Yeah, some kind of sick selfish pleasure.

Not only that, at the end, the person who was going to Maou to go outside (apparently it was not a date, but it was also very confusing till Lunacain surrendered) it turned out to be another random woman, a person we don't even know who, but that person was often in history call of Maou. Can't you believe it? After all the feelings and developments that had occurred between Emi and Maou, Maou finally chose one person who he would easily forget and didn't even know about her plans to leave at all and just was about to go focused on other random women. No wonder Kaori (Chiho's friends) upset. Can't you believe? I'm so done. ah, but ... anyway, Chiho said she didn't mind sharing, right? Did you see how perfect this couple would be?

Oh my, what kind of bullshit is that? What kind of love is that? As an ex-shipper of maouemi, as a person who has followed, and analyzed their relationship in 6 years, to know the ending with Maou having this kind of shit relationship with .... I don't even know with who anymore, it's really a big slaps.

How wonderful Wagahara could be...

You know, Even Emi, can't express her feelings directly to Maou. Instead Chiho was the one who had to say that to Maou ... what was that. I'm okay if from the beginning of their relationship there was no progress at all, but even Suzuno got rejection and recognition, what happened to Emi?

And then Wagahara still have the gut to give us that kiss, no what's the point of it? If wagahara plans to get Maou and Chiho together, why do you bothered to write Emi only to make her feels hurt in the end? Do you hate Emi all this time? Is this your true feelings? Are all the feelings you wrote about Emi's character just a trap? No. Is that how you really feel? Do you really think that seeing Emi destroyed is very interesting? to the extent that you leave Emi and Alas-ramus, while other characters have their own good ending. Even the relationship between Chiho's friends, who I don't even know their name, get a happy ending (wait, there's something between them? who is that again?) maybe their scene is only 1 sheet or several lines anyway.

I can't believe I walked in and played on other people's traps for 6 years. I can't believe I didn't see this happening, the fact that there was a chance that Wagahara would end up giving Emi and Alas-ramus a bad end. Even worse than the end of the harem. no, much worse.

Hataraku-Maousama is the first series that has made me like this. Create analysis, content, publish it, write fanfic which has now been read by thousands of people, getting dozens of reviews. Makes me save up and ready to buy all the books. But it ended up with me being completely let down, didn't I.

No. I don't care about ship at all. but because I found out how unfortunate this main character will end. Why don't you make Emi and Alas-ramus live on Ente Isla happily? No. You can't do it, because you're also confused about Maou and Alas-ramus and Emi relationship that you've built for more than 8 years. Even Chiho also said that right? that we can't see other random man together with Emi, and there is also Alas-ramus. but, by force, you choose this kind of shit ending. Emi wasn't even mentioned at the end of the story. What the hell? Now we will know that Emi will be a young mother who is alone until the end of her life. I am wasting so much feelings just to get this. I am so done.

At the end, this is my last post for Hataraku-Maousama...

Plus, you may also notice that there are some posts on this tumblr that I deleted. I can't guys. this is will be my last post about this series, even there's still anon who asking about Hatamaou, but no. To make it clear, this is the last thing I will post for Hataraku-Maousama.

But you know what? I'm going to make another fanfic. I'll make it up. And no. I won't make a fanfic where Emi and Maou end up together. No, I'm going to make a fanfic (with multiple chapters of course) about Alas-ramus and Emi, where they will live happily and perfectly, with other men, instead of Maou, who only could watches them from afar.

And for the first time I'm not doing this for Wagahara and this series, no. I do this so that at least, people who share the same feelings with me will feel a little justice. Thank you for ending this story Wagahara, now we will take Emi and Alas-ramus away. Since you didn't even mention her till the end of stories, then I guess you can't complain on this one.

Wagahara, you can deal with all those 145 haters on twitter, even if you said to rewrite your volume, no I wouldn't be that easy to believe you anymore.

So, beside about my fanfic, I'm not going to write anything more about Hataraku-Maousama again. I will only focus on the next story that I will follow, namely Dr Stone and Spy x family.

Even if I find a better story in the future, Emi Yusa will still be my only and only one favorite heroin...

So guys, for Emi, I'm going to start this fanfic. A fanfic where the lives of Emi and Alas-ramus improve after the appearance of another man in their lives, to the point of making Maou jealous but helpless to approach them again. because why not? Maou could easily forget about Chiho and go out with another woman in vol 21, being jealous of Emi and Alas-ramus is not a difficult thing.

So, in September, I will start making this fanfic.

The Hero and Her Child: Together Reaching Their Happiness

So, I'll say it from now on, in that fanfic, Maou won't end up with Emi, he will just be a character who might be as in Emi's position in vol 21? Or so much worst. And of course the character who will become MC in this fanfic are the character that appear on LN as well.

With the title:

The Hero and Her Child: Together Reaching Their Happiness

Coinciding when vol 21 ended, Emi's daily life with her daughter, Alas-ramus, became a little different after Alas-ramus entered her elementary school years. She, who saw the loneliness in her mother's eyes, tried to fill the emptiness in her mother's heart. One day, Alas-ramus's meeting with someone from the past changed their daily lives. But who would have thinking, the person who Alas-ramus thought would not interfere, instead became a great opponent she had to deal with! This is a story about the relationship of a mother and child!

And even though I'm still not sure about it....

A fanfic which I took from Hataraku-Maousama Highschool manga series; I will try to continue update that, since there is nothing wrong with the ending, and it is not a work by Wagahara either, so maybe I will continue it!

So for those who expecting maouemi, that's the last thing I can do. And I am not even sure, I'll updated that fanfic series where Maou and Emi in the Hataraku-Maousama highschool manga.

Because in that story, Maou is still a completely a nice person right?

Afterwards....

I'm sorry, friends, I love Alas-ramus and Emi too much, I don't want them to end up like this in the main series. But I am so done with Maou, I don't want to let him (hataraku maou version of vol 21) even to touch them. So I am sorry but I will not change my opinion about this, I hope you understand.

And also, thank you for your supporting me in this story, and sorry if I've led people to a false hope.

Thank you again for you guys who always be with me and the other Emi's fans! And please wait for the next content about Spy x family as well as Dr. Stone!

For this, I will say I am no longer fans of maouemi pairing in Hataraku-Maousama LN anymore. And I am not Hataraku-Maousama LN series fans anymore. Because of that, let's continue a new pages together as Emi's fans and Spy x Family, as well as Dr. Stone fans!

Bye, Minna! I will see you in the next time!

*Illustration from Mangaka of Hataraku-Maousama and no. I won't continue reading that manga as long as that Wagahara still meddling it plots

Edit: I am sorry guys. As what I said before, this is will be the last post for Hataraku-Maousama. Because of that, for everyone who sending me a questions, I won't answer any of them. Hope you guys understand. Thank you very much. 🙋

Edit again: Okay guys, I know it's very disappointed about Wagahara bait us and even still use this pairing as commercial reason. But please, if you want to give your opinion, don't use any harsh or rude comments such as death threats or something like that. or worst, even sent it to another illustrator from their new series. I read a review on bookwalker Japanese, even when they're unpleasant with the ending as well but they still use an appropriate words. there's a law for it and if Wagahara take it seriously, you will get a law for it. You must believe me I am understand your feelings, but please don't go too far. If you want to give your opinion, that's your choices I can't tell you what you must to do because I know you have a rights to so so, but please just at least use an appropriate words if you want to send it personally at Wagahara. Thank you and I hope we can get over and forget about it as soon as possible. 😧

#hataraku maou-sama!#hataraku #hatamaou #emi yusa #yusa emi #the last post #about Hataraku-Maousama #I am no longer maouemi fans #Emi's fans till the end #shit ending #vol 21 #thank you minna

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my-major-is-k-howard · 4 years ago

Text

Lover

Inspired by “Lover” by Taylor Swift. I’ll be posting chapters every other day until the final chapter (7). Hope you guys enjoy this one!

Word Count: 2315

Ch. 1

————————————————————

Ch. 2 - We Make the Call

That Christmas Polaroid filled Anne with so much nostalgia. She remembered how she and Cathy actually had waited until Valentine’s Day to put away all of the Christmas decorations they had set up together. It had even been Cathy who insisted they leave them up despite Anne’s efforts to put them away after Christmas was over. It had in turn made the house feel so much more like their house. Their home.

Anne also recalled that a few months after Christmas she and Cathy had decided to splurge on their very own Polaroid camera. They would never admit it but they were slightly jealous of how cute the pictures of Kat and Anna were and wanted that for themselves.

Anne looked at a few more of the hanging pictures before her eyes landed on another one of her favorites. Both she and Cathy were under a blanket on their couch, bathed in the blue light of the movie they were watching. Cathy’s head was resting on Anne’s chest while Anne’s head rested comfortably on top of Cathy’s. Both of them had dopey smiles on their faces, clearly not anticipating the flash of a camera. It was raw and unfiltered, a beautiful reflection of who they were when no one was watching. And they were deeply in love with each other, that much was obvious.

~~~~~

“The pizza guy should be here soon,” Anne announced to Cathy as she sat down next to her on the couch.

“The girls said they were almost here a few minutes ago,” Cathy responded, her focus on the Polaroid camera she was fiddling with in her hands. “I can’t figure out how to get the film in. Kat makes it look so easy!” Cathy exclaimed, setting down the film and the camera on the table next to her.

“We’ll just ask her when she arrives then,” Anne commented, as her leg began to bounce. Anne was having trouble concealing her excitement for the queens’ girls night that would commence soon. They had made it a tradition to have a girls night three times a month, each time at a different couple’s house. This week, Cathy and Anne were hosting, causing the latter to nearly burst at the seams with enthusiasm.

Cathy began giggling and Anne turned to her with a confused look on her face. “What?”

“Nothing! It’s just you’re acting like an overexcited puppy right now,” Cathy responded, gesturing to Anne’s bouncing leg.

“Oh. Sorry.” Anne forced her leg to stop bouncing.

“Don’t be sorry! It’s actually really adorable.” Anne blushed at that and leaned in to kiss Cathy, only to be cut off by the loud ring of the doorbell.

“I swear that always happens!” Anne whined as Cathy got up to answer the door. The four other queens poured in through the door and made their way to the living room behind Cathy.

Cathy returned to her spot beside Anne as the other queens got comfortable. “Pizza should be here soon,” Cathy commented as she put her arms around Anne’s neck.

“Yay!” Kat shouted, before her eyes locked on the Polaroid camera that was still laying on the table beside the couch. “You got one too?” Kat questioned excitedly already making her way over to the camera.

“Yeah! Your pictures inspired us to get one,” Anne explained. “Cathy had some trouble getting the film in, though. Kat, could you help her?”

“Of course!” Kat walked Cathy through the steps of inserting the film, slow enough for Cathy to fully grasp the process before the camera was returned to its place on the side table.

Not long after, the pizza arrived and all of the girls began eating.

“Hey Cathy! How’s the book process coming along?” Catherine asked.

Cathy had been working on her first novel for the better part of the last year and she smiled widely at its mention. “It’s going great actually! It’s almost through the editing process. We’re hoping to get a physical copy sometime in the next few months.”

“You’ll have to invite us over when that happens,” Jane said. “We can celebrate together!”

All the queens expressed their agreement and Anne smiled at their support. Cathy had worked so hard on her book and she was glad that their closest friends were willing to celebrate her huge achievement with her.

The queens finished off their pizza while catching up on each other’s lives.

“I swear I have not been able to separate Kat from her camera! She takes it everywhere. To the park. To the movies. To the mall. Literally everywhere. I’ve had to hide it from her but she always manages to find it,” Cleves rambled to the other queens, feigning anger but everyone noticed the way her fingers interlocked with Kat’s as she talked.

“Hey! I’ll find my camera soon. It’s finally spring and everything is so pretty now! I have to take pictures to survive!!” The other queens giggled at Kat’s dramatic response. Anne was pleased that the camera made Kat so happy, even if it was at Anna’s expense. Her cousin deserved all the joy in the world and the camera was a good start.

“We should start the movie night!” Cathy piped up. The other queens nodded in agreement before she continued. “Anne, would you go get some of the extra blankets and pillows from the closet?”

“Of course, my love,” Anne responded and got up to fetch the requested items from their hallway closet. She grabbed as many blankets and pillows as she could before returning to the chaos of the living room.

“A horror film!” Anna shouted.

“No! We should do a rom-com!” Jane shouted back.

“No, that’s too cheesy, babe! Adventure!” Catherine interjected.

Anne locked eyes with Cathy in confusion. Cathy looked back with wide eyes, not knowing how to appease all of them at once. Anne dropped all of the blankets and pillows she was holding before addressing the arguing queens.

“Why don’t we just watch a Disney movie. Can we all agree on Disney?”

The queens exchanged glances before shrugging. “Sure. But which movie?” Cleves questioned.

“Tangled!” Cathy suggested. “I love that movie!”

No queens objected to the movie selection so Anne considered it the winner. “Tangled it is, then.”

The queens got the movie ready, while Cathy escaped to the kitchen to make some popcorn. Anne passed out the remaining blankets and pillows to the other queens before settling back on the couch with a blanket of her own. Cathy returned with a few bowls of popcorn and moved to turn off the lights.

The movie started as Anne opened her arms for Cathy to cuddle into her. Cathy squeaked in excitement and pulled the blanket over both of them before finally resting her head on Anne’s chest. Anne felt a million butterflies release in her stomach at that moment. Anne knew she would never grow tired of that feeling. Cathy was her everything and getting to hold her in her arms made her feel complete and at peace.

Words failed to express Anne’s emotions, so she resorted to pressing a loving kiss to the top of Cathy’s head. She felt Cathy snuggle deeper into her at that and she smiled widely. Anne’s focus finally shifted to the movie in front of them and she rested her head on top of Cathy’s to watch the scenes unfold.

After a few minutes, the movie was interrupted by the sound of a Polaroid picture being ejected from a camera. Anne looked up, confused by the abrupt sound. One of the queens paused the movie as her eyes scanned the room before she found the culprit. Kat was sheepishly holding the Polaroid camera and grabbing the ejected picture before she looked up to meet the eyes of the five other queens staring at her quizzically.

“What?” Kat asked, feigning innocence.

“You know what,” Aragon responded.

“When did you even grab that?” Cathy asked, puzzled that she hadn’t noticed her girlfriend’s cousin snatch her camera.

“I picked it up and hid it under my blanket while you guys were arguing about which movie to watch. I didn’t want you to notice because candid pictures are always the best pictures,” Kat stated matter-of-factly. “And you guys were too cute! I had to capture the moment!”

Now, Anne was blushing. She never meant to. It was just, the very thought of Cathy sometimes made her blush subconsciously. She often felt like a teenager falling in love for the first time, with everything feeling so new and exciting. It didn’t matter that she had been with Cathy for a few years now; she still got giddy thinking about how they were actually together and would maybe spend the rest of their lives together too…

“Ooh! Anne, you’re blushing,” Cleves teased, throwing a kernel of popcorn in her direction.

“Anne, it’s almost like you blush at the mention of Cathy’s name!” Catherine exclaimed, causing Anne to blush even harder. “See?”

“Okay, that’s enough! Stop teasing my Annie,” Cathy quipped before snuggling deeper in Anne’s chest then sticking out her tongue at Anne’s accusers.

Anne smiled and joked back. “Yeah, don’t mock my love for Cathy!” To further her point, she gently lifted Cathy’s head until their lips touched. It was soft but filled with so much love. They pulled away as Anna made gagging sounds in the background.

“Please, someone play the movie before they start heading to second base,” Cleves shouted, earning an eruption of laughter from the other queens, Anne included. Jane reached for the remote and the movie resumed.

All the queens finished watching the movie in comfortable silence. The queens of course joined in singing “I See the Light” when the song came on, belting out each lyric and trying to be the loudest voice. But for Anne, she was singing for Cathy. Her girlfriend, as cheesy as it was, really was her light. Everything in her life seemed so much brighter, so much more vivid with Cathy in it. She brought so much meaning to Anne’s life, and Anne could barely imagine living without her.

Cathy pulled away from Anne, breaking the latter queen out of her thoughts. “I really love that movie,” Cathy whispered to no one in particular.

“Of course you do, Cathy! Flynn is basically the male version of Anne,” Kat commented. “By the way, here’s the Polaroid from earlier.” Kat handed the picture to Cathy while putting the camera back on the side table.

Cathy grabbed the picture from Kat and Anne leaned over to get a better look at it. Anne swooned at how cute she and Cathy looked together, realizing she would probably never get over how perfectly they were made for each other.

“Aw, babe, we’re so cute,” Anne whispered, earning a quick kiss on her cheek from Cathy.

“You bet we are, love.” Cathy smiled before checking her phone to see what time it was. “When did it get so late?” The time on her phone showed 11:28 p.m.

Jane yawned before announcing, “We should probably get going then. Sorry for staying so late, loves.” Jane flashed a sympathetic smile before shuffling to get her things together. The other three queens mimicked her actions.

Anne felt her heart sink at the thought of her friends leaving. She glanced to her side and it seemed Cathy was feeling the same way as a slight frown appeared on her face. The two looked at each other and shared a knowing look.

Cathy spoke up first. “Why don’t you all spend the night? We can have a little impromptu slumber party!”

Kat was the first to respond. “Really?! Like, how we used to?”

Anne answered her cousin’s question. “Yeah! We can play truth or dare and then tell embarrassing secrets about our girlfriends!”

“That sounds horrifying! I’m in,” Anna smirked.

Jane and Catherine shared a quick glance before accepting the invitation as well. Cathy ran off to collect even more pillows and blankets to make the living room a more comfortable place for the queens to rest for the night.

A few rounds of truth or dare and several embarrassing stories later, the queens slowly began to drift off to sleep, starting with Kat of course. Anne soon realized that she was the only one awake. She looked around the living room at the sleeping queens and a smile spread across her face.

Kat’s head was resting on Anna’s chest and Cleves had her arms wrapped protectively around Kat. Jane and Catherine spooning, surprisingly with Jane being the big spoon. Anne smirked and promised herself to never let Aragon live that down.

Then, her eyes landed on Cathy. Her sweet, lovely Cathy. Anne swore she could spend the rest of her life admiring her girlfriend’s sleeping form. She looked so peaceful, like nothing could ever disturb her. And she was endlessly beautiful. Her curls were sprawled across the pillows and floor and her lips were slightly parted. Anne had a sudden urge to capture the moment forever in a picture. Speaking of which…

Anne glanced to the side table briefly, making a mental note to hang up the new Polaroid Kat had taken and return the camera to their bedroom in the morning. She slowly crawled next to Cathy on the floor, doing her best not to disturb her in her sleep. She pulled the blanket over herself and adjusted it so that it covered Cathy’s shoulders. Finally she wrapped her arm loosely around Cathy’s waist and laid her head down on her pillow.

“Took you long enough,” Cathy whispered tiredly to Anne.

“Shh. Baby, go back to sleep,” Anne whispered back and placed a soft kiss on Cathy’s forehead. Cathy smiled at the gesture, shifted her head to Anne’s chest, and promptly fell back asleep. Anne held Cathy a little closer before drifting off to sleep herself.

#parrlyn #parrleyn #anne boleyn #catherine parr #anne boleyn x catherine parr #parrlyn fanfic #six the musical #six the musical fanfic

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mental-health-advice · 3 years ago

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Hey.

For a while I feel like my friendship with this person has become inherently codependent.

I didn't realise how much I needed to be needed by him until recently. I put a lot of my self worth on him and in the process put him above everything else. And I felt justified because he was going through a tough time. And I don't want to judge him, but he isn't exactly the best person. He can be extremely cruel to other people and selfish. But I never questioned anything he did because I wanted him to like me. I didn't neglect any other things like school and stuff. I kept on top of it, but most of my free time was taken up for him, having conversations that I really didn't want to and I enjoyed myself most of the time but sometimes I felt like I outgrew his company. I made up versions of him in my head that were so much better than real life. This was aggravated because we were all in lockdown and I couldn't meet other people. I've only ever known him through phone calls for a while and the two months we actually met in in person school were spent with him feuding against my other friends in his quest for power. I always found it impossible to pick a side in these situations, because the others were right but I wanted to please him too. I was incapable of refusing anything he said. I always had to hide away a part of me because I was afraid he wouldn't like me then. And he could be very controlling too. He thought he was above everyone and the school director kind of favoured him too, so he had a lot of plans for a very unsafe event. But then schools shut down again and he became really depressed and was suicidal and tried to pin everything on me at one point, just because I respected my mother's words. I tried to be there for him, and this went on for four months. I agreed to everything he said because it was easier than fighting with him. Now stuff hit rock bottom and the director has shut him out and told him to just get back to academics. Schools are opening this week and now he's really scared again.

I don't know what to say when he tells me his life sucks and that he doesn't want it. He's out of the extreme phase now and he expects everything to be handed to him without working hard for anything.

I knew he was someone who didn't care about other people and took joy in the sorrow of others but I always excused his behaviour. When things got too bad I stepped aside.

But apart from all of this, I always craved for him to call me. My happiness depended on his. I needed him to talk to me. And me only. I got insanely jealous and beat myself up inside. I worried so much about him but he didn't seem to care about me at all. When I tried to talk about my feeling it resulted in us fighting continuously, with him saying I didn't deserve him. I never needed him to respect me or my boundaries because I knew he was incapable of caring about someone else and that it wouldn't be worth my time. But now I can't take him just using me anymore. At first I just thought that I had feelings for him which caused my jealousy, but then he came out to me, but these still seem to persist. I just need him to come to me for any problem that he has, but that took a hit today, when I couldn't deal with him at all. I've read up codependent friendships and I think that's what is really going on in my head. I don't like him romantically I think, I'm just really insecure.

I don't want to be that person anymore. He doesn't respect my boundaries, my family or my interests. I'm not allowed to have an opinion because anything that he doesn't agree shouldn't be said in his presence. I feel like I'm stuck in the same place and unable to truly be myself. We are so different and my beliefs directly contradict his but I've never been able to express them to him. And he calls himself my best friend. Our other best friend, is kinda in between. She regularly argues with him and demands respect, but he doesn't even consider it. But when he has a problem we have to drop everything for him. And he accuses me of not trusting him. And he tells me not to say things that make him angry rudely but he doesn't do the same for me when I tell him calmly that I don't want to talk about something. He's really condescending too, and acts as of nothing matters but him. And because of the lack of going out, he was the only solace I have.

Despite this I still deeply care about him. This morning he was groaning continuously, and I told him that everyone had problems, he completely turned on me and said that I didn't get to say anything because my life was fine and that his was way more difficult. He acts as if he knows everything about me and assumes that I will be fine no matter how hard his words are. And he's kinda right, because I always come back to him. This same person told me a few minutes ago that everyone one in our grade was fine and that nothing was wrong and that someone should die, so that their life sucks. So he'll be fine if someone died and if they shut the school and the state, so that he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions. He even has the nerve to whine about how he doesn't deserve any small hardship that comes his way. But life's hard and he doesn't seem to realise that there is life after your senior year in high school. He seems to think that this is all that matters. We're just sixteen and he acts like this is all we ever have. I don't know how to help him. He says he has a bad home life, but I don't know how that excuses him being a horrible human being to others for no reason. And he is privileged. I tell him to work hard this year, and next year in college he can do what he wants. But he says he wants the life of a film star without lifting a finger.

I feel like it's my responsibility to fix his issues, but he's the only one who can. I can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

Moreover he doesn't even care about anything that other people are going through stuff too. And he called me selfish for implying that the world doesn't revolve around him. I've always tried to be there for him, and I still want to, but I don't think it's good for both of us. We're toxic to each other. Sometimes I wish his problems were magically fixed so that we could go back to being normal friends instead of the complete wreckage we both are.

He says no one understands hima s if he was accusing me of not caring enough about him. But I felt like I hit a breaking point and that I couldn't just nod my head anymore. I'm human being with issues of my own but he doesn't give a damn.

I can't even talk to him normally, I have to thread around eggshells to keep him happy, but I'm never happy with him. He says I don't act enthusiastic to his ideas. I hate his ideas but I'm always nice about it. I don't shut him down. I hope he gets the things he wants even if they aren't to my liking. And today he calls me boring and attacks me for not liking marvel. I mean come on can't I even have an opinion on a movie? I said I liked a ship in it ( it was a comfort ship that helped me escape) and he said I didn't have a right to have an opinion because I hadn't watched all the movies. Fandom is something that gives me joy and keeps me grounded and today he attacked something that I thought no one could. My imagination. My ability to create worlds in my head. The worst part, we met because we were both Harry Potter fans. And now he doesn't even feel like that. I helped him edit and write his debut novel. I feel like that person who believed in something is gone. He even admitted to just using me for my knowledge in the beginning.

I still feel sorry for him though. I'm really sorry if I've rambled on for too long. This has become more about him that it has about me.

I still really like him and feel that we can be friends if he starts to try to help himself and if I get rid of my insecurity and jealousy when he talks to other people. My brain is illogical. I don't want to have to deal with all of his issues all the time with no regard for myself, but I don't want him to confide in some else either.

I hate this person that I've become. Who cares about no one but him. I tried to use his issues as a shield against the problems going on in my own life. I try not to let anyone see that I don't have my life together either, because I feel bad about bothering others with my issues, when they have a million struggles of their own, but isn't that what he's doing to me? He disregards my feelings but I'm still very much obsessed with him.

I've lost my sense of self respect completely, and I pushed away other people for him.

I need to stop being codependent on him, and start at least liking myself.

Please help me. I'm sorry if this is too long. I seriously needed to get this off my chest.

And I apologise if I bothered you with my silly problems. I know there are more important things in the world but I seem stuck here. I don't want to appear ungrateful for anything so I pretend that everything is fine. And honestly I feel like I can never be not okay with a wonderful mother like mine. Oh and he hates her too. I just can't seem to win with him. My dad though is a whole nother issue.

This guy gets on my nerves, but I still need him to be happy too. But I shouldn't have to carry that burden. Right?

Hey there,

Due to your Ask being so long, we kindly ask you to resend your Ask and try to keep to our new 700 word limit if at all possible. Long Asks are very difficult for us to answer as there is just way too much information for us to take into account which means that often the Ask will be in our inbox for a lot longer as we don’t always have the capacity to answer them.

We hope that you understand and we are sorry for the inconvenience!

I hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #resend Ask #new 700 word limit

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searchingwardrobes · 5 years ago

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The Early Leaf’s a Flower: 3/11

So this is where things really start to shift from the original, and this is probably one of my favorite chapters. I probably worked harder on it than any other! This is also where Neverland mythology begins to come into play. Right before starting the rewrite-a-thon, I re-read J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan to my eight year old. The famous line “all children, except one, grow up” really hit me for the first time. Wait a second, all children except one? Every version of Neverland I had ever seen, from the cartoon, to Spielberg’s Hook, to Once, portray Neverland as a place where no one ages. But that’s not what the novel says!! Then, later on, the book casually mentions that the Lost Boys are constantly changing because some get killed in battle or - get this - Pan “thins them out” when they get too old. Umm . . . say WHAT? So here’s where my story gets dark with a super sadistic Pan . . . and I’m not sorry. At all. (mwhaha)

If you haven’t noticed, all chapter titles come from Peter Pan. They are either chapter titles in that book or phrases from the book. This one, mocking kisses, actually refers in the novel to Mrs. Darling who has a “mocking kiss conspicuously in the right hand corner of her mouth” which it says not even Mr. Darling or her children can get from her. There’s tons of interpretations for that, none of which have anything to do with how I’m using it here. Here, it has to do with growing up and awakening sexuality, and of course - you know - actual lip locks. So it’s not all dark in this chapter . . .

I’ll stop being an English Lit teacher and shut up now. Except to thank, once again, the incredible mods for the @captainswanbigbang and to my betas - @shippingtheswann , @optomisticgirl , and @distant-rose . This chapter especially deserves massive thanks to Ro for her pirate expertise! And be sure to follow the Captain Swan Rewrite-a-thon because ALL of the fics are incredible!

Summary: She saw eyes that were the blue of the forget me not peering at her through the cracked door of the wardrobe. He saw hair as gold as the buttercups. Why does the wardrobe keep bringing them back to one another, if fate keeps tearing them apart? Or maybe fate has her reasons …

Rating: M for eventual sexy times, violence, canonical character death, and attempted rape

Trigger warnings: vague references to child abuse (physical and sexual), violence, and eventual positive Millian

Words: A little over 7k in this chapter (all chapters will be rather lengthy from here on out)

** Complete and updated every Monday** Also on Ao3

Emma: Age 16

Emma lies in bed, wide awake, staring at the wardrobe across the room. It looks eerily familiar, though she tries to tell herself that’s crazy.

Her new foster family seems incredibly nice. Even the two boys who are the couple’s real children seem excited to have her here instead of jealous. The mother even seemed embarrassed when she showed Emma her room, explaining that it used to be an office, so it didn’t have a closet. She hoped Emma liked the wardrobe she had found at an antique store.

Emma stares at the wardrobe now and thinks of Martha. Another kind foster mother and another wardrobe, almost identical to the other? Happy coincidences like that don’t happen. At least not to Emma Swan.

She huffs and rolls over on her side, and tries not to think about the little boy with the soulful blue eyes. He was just an imaginary friend. A figment of her hurt soul and bruised heart. Her hand hovers over her cheek, and she inwardly berates herself. It was just a peck on the cheek, and she was ten for heaven’s sake! Correction, there was no peck on the cheek because it wasn’t real.

Because now that she’s 16, she knows better. Friends don’t just fall out of the sky – or wardrobes. And real kisses are an enormous disappointment. Like Tom Pierce when she was 13, her first kiss playing spin the bottle at a Halloween party. All she can say about that is that it was wet and sloppy, and he had bad breath. Then there was Robby Eddleston at the school dance last year. She thought he actually liked her when he asked to talk privately behind the bleachers. Then she was pinned against the wall while Robby shoved his tongue unceremoniously down her throat. But a quick knee to the groin had quickly taught Robby that she wasn’t an easy score.

Emma punches her pillow now in irritation. It’s ridiculous that an imaginary kiss to the cheek has been her best yet. Pathetic, Emma. She decides to push thoughts of the wardrobe and that pair of blue eyes from her head.

She’s just drifting off when a familiar creak reaches her ears. She ignores it, assuming she’s already dreaming. But then she hears footsteps padding softly across the hardwood floor. Emma squeezes her eyes shut tighter. Is someone standing over her, or is that her imagination? Then a hand softly touches her hair, and her eyes fly open as she sits up quickly. Her green orbs meet blue, and she gasps in shock. It startles her so much, her hand seems to act on its own and she slaps him across the cheek - hard.

“Bloody hell, Emma what was that for?”

“Killian?” She swallows hard. “I thought . . . I wasn’t sure . . . I mean, you’re real?”

He smiles, even as he rubs his red cheek, and it lights her up inside. “Liam didn’t think you were real either when I finally told him about you. But when I saw that wardrobe in the captain’s quarters, it looked so much like the one from when we were kids, I had to try.”

Emma winces. “Sorry I slapped you.”

Killian shrugs. “I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that.”

Emma stares at him unabashedly by the light of her bedside lamp, taking in how much he has changed. Gone is the scrawny little boy, though he is still of slender build. Just like last time, he’s wearing a nightshirt that hangs to his knees, but she can still see defined muscles in his arms and legs. His chest is broader, and his shoulders are squared back, stronger and more confident than when he was ten. His hair has gotten darker, and it’s longer, hanging down in his eyes so badly, Emma itches to push it back. It also hangs down so close to his shoulders, that he could pull it back in a low ponytail if he wanted to. His freckles are less noticeable, and his complexion is more tanned, making his azure eyes spark even more than she remembered.

“I hope the Captain doesn’t catch me. I could be whipped for being in his quarters. Though it will be worth it, now that I’ve seen you again.”

He ducks his head as he realizes that he’s been chattering on and on, and Emma feels bad for him because she knows she ought to quit staring and say something already. He pushes his hair back from his face, and when he does, Emma notices his ears. They are slightly pointed, almost elf-like. They’re adorable.

He’s adorable.

He’s also cold, she realizes as he rubs his arms and curls his toes into the hardwood floor. Emma lifts the edge of her blankets. “Come here, you’re freezing.”

Those adorable ears of his turn red at her offer and he gapes for a minute like a fish. “That would be bad form, lass. Liam says I should always be a gentleman.”

Emma rolls her eyes. “First off, if you’re that worried, you’ll definitely be nothing but a gentleman. Second, I can take care of myself. If you get handsy, I’ll just put you in your place like I did with Robby Eddleston.”

“Who’s he?” Killian asks as he slides under the blankets next to her.

“Just a jerk who shoved his tongue halfway down my throat without permission.”

Killian’s eyes darken to a stormy, steel tinted cobalt. “He did what?”

Emma shoves him in the shoulder, “Calm down, jeez. I told you, I can take care of myself.”

“What did you do?”

“Kneed him in the jewels,” she says with a shrug, trying to come off as nonchalant.

He grins at her with obvious pride, “That’s a tough lass.”

They fall silent for a moment, and then Emma finally whispers into the dark, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you came back.”

“No need, love,” he quickly assures her, “though I was worried what had happened to you.”

Emma picks at the comforter spread across their laps, “Martha died of a stroke, and I had to go someplace else.”

Killian reaches for her hand, and her movements still. “I’m sorry. I know you said she was a good woman.”

Emma nods, swallowing down the pain. She turns to him with a quirked eyebrow. “Did you get my bunny?”

“I did, thank you,” he nods, “though I regret to say that he ended up in Davy Jones’ locker. My master at the time called me a baby for having it and tossed it out to sea.”

Emma cringes at the word “master,” but Killian doesn’t miss a beat in the telling of his story. “Davy Jones locker?” she asks. “People really say that where you’re from?”

Killian looks confused. “Seamen do.”

“Oh . . . “ she trails off, her brow furrowed as she tries to make sense of the difference between his world and hers.

“Nevertheless,” he continues, “I can’t tell you how much that small gesture meant to me. It had been so long since I had a plaything. Anyway, how has this new home been?”

Emma looks around her at the still unfamiliar surroundings. “Well, I haven’t been here long, actually. I’ve been bounced around a lot of places since Martha, and most haven’t loved me as well as she did. Except Sarah, until I found out she was crazy.”

“Crazy? How so?”

Emma groans at the memory. “She thought I had magic!”

Killian narrows his eyes. “Why is that crazy?”

“You can’t be serious! I mean, she almost got me killed.”

Killian shrugs, then gestures with his hand at the wardrobe. “I travel to you through an enchanted wardrobe, Emma. And you think magic sounds crazy?”

She huffs out a breath. “Well, okay, yes, you and I . . . that’s hard to explain. But me being like Hermione Granger or something? No way.”

“Hermione who?”

Emma laughs as she cocks an eyebrow at him. “You know, Harry Potter.” He just blinks in confusion. “Books. About wizards and witches.”

“Oh,” he says with a nod, but she can tell he’s still a bit confused, and no wonder. When they were ten, he didn’t even know what a movie was. Emma finds his confusion surprisingly endearing.

Emma leans against Killian’s shoulder with a sigh. “Can we not talk about me and my pathetic life? What’s been going on with you?”

Killian secedes to her wishes and begins to speak. He tells her about discovering rum for the first time at thirteen, and then gambling with dice and cards at fourteen. “I’m pretty good,” he brags.

Emma tilts her head up and grins at him saucily, “I’m sure you are.”

He swipes his tongue along his lower lip in a way that is simply unfair, then continues telling her about letting Liam down at every turn. He weaves a story of a storm at sea where all hands are lost but he and Liam; a story that has her hanging on his every word. This leads to him and his brother joining the Navy at 15 and 17, respectively. Emma turns her head again, her eyes wide.

“Isn’t fifteen awfully young for that?”

Killian shrugs, “Some join as powder monkeys at 11 or 12,” he tells her, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. His words remind her once again that their wardrobe connects two very different worlds. She also still wonders if Killian travels through both space AND time. His world seems so old-fashioned compared to hers. “I’ve caught on fast, though. So has Liam. He’s a lieutenant already, and many of the sailors think he will be the youngest yet to make Captain. I’m still just a cabin boy, but my Captain says it’s only because he likes the fine job I do. He’s talking of promoting me soon. This time, I won’t let my brother down.”

They both fall silent for a moment. Emma’s not sure what to make of their bizarre situation. Emma doesn’t want to contemplate what it means if he’s actually 300 years old or something and no longer living in the 20th century, so she decides to change the subject. She turns her hand so their palms are touching and laces her fingers with his.

“What kinds of things have you had to learn? Like sailor’s knots and star charts and stuff?”

“Aye, and other things, too. I’ve had to learn cartography and geography. And languages, too. Greek was the hardest.”

“You know Greek? Like Zeus and Poseidon and all of that?”

The smile he gives her almost seems teasing, “Of course.”

Emma pokes him in the side and grins when a laugh spills from his lips. “Say something in Greek for me.”

His face turns suddenly earnest as he gazes into her eyes and says, “Omorfi kopella.”

“What does that mean?”

He blushes and ducks his head. His unfairly long lashes brush the top of his cheeks as he answers. “I said you were beautiful.”

Killian brushes her cheek lightly with his thumb and then leans towards her. Emma meets him halfway. His lips are soft and warm against hers, and their touch makes her heart soar in her chest. This is what she had always imagined a kiss should be. It’s nothing like kissing Tom Pierce or Robby Eddleston. Killian tilts his head to deepen the kiss as his fingers thread through her hair, and Emma sighs into it. When he pulls back, his eyes are a midnight blue as he rests his forehead against hers.

“The thoughts I’m having right now aren’t very gentlemanly,” he confesses huskily.

Emma chuckles. “Good,” she tells him, thumbing his lower lip, still moist from their kiss.

A bright shaft of light falls across her bed and Emma groans. Killian cups her face in both his hands. “I wish I could stay, but –“

“Your brother,” she finishes for him. She looks long into his eyes. “I get it. You’re all each other has.”

Killian nods and brushes one more brief kiss across her lips as he rises from the bed. He bows to her, taking her hand and brushing his lips across her knuckles. She giggles, and he gives her a slightly roguish smile.

The last thing she sees before he disappears inside the wardrobe is the look of longing in his blue eyes.

“They remind me of Martha’s forget-me-nots,” she thinks to herself, “but sad, too.”

Killian: Age 16

“Get up here, little brother!”

Killian grabs his naval jacket and dashes up the ladder to the deck, grumbling under his breath about it being “younger” brother not “little.” It especially bothers him when Liam is speaking as Lieutenant Jones and not just family. Yet it seems Liam isn’t the only one loose with naval order at the moment. When Killian climbs out of the hold, he finds the rest of the crew chattering excitedly, gazes tilted upward.

“Killian!” Liam calls, racing to his side. “You almost missed the excitement!”

“What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure, but the captain gave me a new sextant to plot our course, and it uses star charts I’ve never seen before.”

Killian’s eyes scan the ship’s deck, his eyes landing on the men wrestling to hoist an unusual sail. He blinks, thinking surely he must be seeing things, but as the sail rises, he finds it is, in fact, made of feathers. In the center of it is the symbol of a horse with wings.

“This sail,” Captain Roberts announces from his place on the quarter deck, “is made of feathers from the wings of the famous mythical horse Pegasus.”

“Captain!” the gunman shouts breathlessly. “Enemy ships off the port bow!”

The Captain ignores the announcement and turns to Liam Jones. “Lieutenant, plot our course!”

“Should we prep the canons, sir?” the gunman asks, confusion clear on his face.

“There will be no need,” Captain Roberts dismisses with a mysterious smile, “where we are headed, they can not follow.”

Killian glances at his brother, who heads for the ship’s wheel, but Liam looks just as confused as he. Killian rushes to the railing along with several other men of lower rank. They lean forward to watch the cannonballs from the enemy splash with a mighty roar into the water a safe distance away: warning shots.

Killian almost loses his balance as the Jewel of the Realm creaks and sways, his stomach dropping. His eyes widen as he sees the ocean fall away below. He and the rest of the men gasp as the reality sets in - the Jewel is airborne.

“Quit gaping and man your stations!” Captain Roberts shouts. “We’re heading to Neverland!”

There’s a quiet murmur after the announcement, even as the men scatter to their duties. Most have never heard of such a realm, while others whisper excitedly of a place they once visited in their dreams as children. The whispered tales seem far-fetched to Killian: a place where your dreams come true, where you can eat chocolate cake all day long, swim with mermaids, and even fly? Even at ten, he would never have believed it.

Of course, a magic wardrobe that takes you to the girl of your dreams seems far-fetched, he supposes. He grins as he remembers Emma’s lips on his, her soft cheeks beneath his calloused fingers, her silken hair tickling his jaw. He has to find a way to get back to her - hopefully tonight. He isn’t sure what this mysterious mission is all about, but surely the captain’s personal cabin boy won’t be needed for whatever it is. He only has to figure out a way to sneak into Captain Roberts’ quarters when the man isn’t there -

“Killian!”

He startles at the sound of his name, and Liam chuckles, clapping a hand to Killian’s shoulder. “Everyone else is mesmerized by our journey to the skies, yet here you are daydreaming.” Liam cocks his head as he regards his younger brother. “Oh no, it’s a lass, isn’t it?”

Killian blushes as he shrugs and returns to his work. “I’m just thinking.”

“If you say so,” Liam laughs as he tugs on Killian’s arm, “but don’t let your brooding cause you to miss this.”

Killian lets his brother drag him over to the railing. The ship cuts cleanly through the white, billowy clouds, with none of the swaying he’s become used to at sea. The air is crisp and a bit cold this high, and a particularly thick cloud suddenly envelopes them.

“Incredible,” Killian whispers.

“Brother, look,” Liam whispers back.

The clouds part, and the Jones brothers gasp as the world of blue and white becomes dark and gray. An island shimmers in the distance, surrounded by a blue-tinged glow. They lean further over the railing as the ship dips and begins its descent.

The Jewel of the Realm has arrived in Neverland.

******************************************

In front of Killian, over his brother’s shoulder, is an inviting beach with palm trees that sway in the warm breeze. Behind him, the Jewel of the Realm is shrouded in an unnatural fog.

“Don’t worry, little brother, it’s a simple mission.”

Killian doesn’t even bother correcting him on the “little” part. “Aren’t you the least bit suspicious? A ship full of navy men, yet only two boys can fulfill this task?”

Liam narrows his eyes. “At eighteen I am hardly a boy.”

Killian chuckles. “You better hope you’re wrong if the superstitions of the rest of the crew are to be believed.”

Liam scoffs. “I think it has more to do with the simplicity of the task. We get the plant, row back to the ship, and we’re heroes.”

Killian hopes his brother is right. Captain Roberts had Killian in mind all along to retrieve the plant, but it was supposed to be twelve year old Jim Hawkins in the row boat, not Liam. Unfortunately, the lad had broken his leg and had to be left behind at the last port. Killian tries to tell himself that the captain is just being cautious, like Liam said, tries to agree with his older brother that the tales about this place are just stories nursemaids tell to their charges at bedtime. Shadows that take you away to the island in your dreams, pixies who blow their dust on children to make them fly, mermaids that drag lazy children to their deaths - it’s all surely nonsense.

They beach the row boat, and Liam slings his satchel over his shoulder. Inside is a sketch of the plant they are looking for. Killian narrows his eyes at the shadowy jungle before them. How are they ever to find one single plant in all this vegetation?

He and Liam hear the movement at the same exact moment and spin as they draw their swords. Standing before them on the beach is a lad about Killian’s age, dressed in a tunic made of green leaves and breeches crudely made of animal skins. The smile he gives them is full of mischief and something a bit more sinister. Killian’s spine crackles with suspicion. He glances at Liam, and it’s clear his brother doesn’t see the boy as a threat at all as the elder Jones casually lowers his sword.

“Is there a king on this island, boy?”

The lad smirks. “Just me.”

Killian narrows his eyes, and the boy glances his way with a knowing grin. Liam pulls the sketch out of his satchel.

“We’re looking for this plant, do you know it?”

The boy’s eyes widen. “Dreamshade? Of course I know it. Believe me, you don’t want to mess with it. It’s the deadliest poison.”

Liam scoffs. “It isn’t poison, it’s medicine.”

The boy crosses his arms over his chest and tilts his head. “Who told you that?”

“My captain.”

“He lied. This captain must be quite the ruthless killer. Nothing causes suffering like dreamshade.”

“What’s your name?” Killian asks.

“Killian, don’t waste your time, he’s just a child.”

Killian’s jaw clenches. “I’m about his age. Am I just a child?”

“My name is Peter,” the boy tells them, a gleeful laugh spilling out of him, “and if you’re tired of them trying to turn you into men, you can come and play with me and my lost boys.”

“We don’t have time for games,” Liam mutters.

“Suit yourself,” Peter tells them with a shrug, “if it’s dreamshade you seek, then you’ll have no trouble finding it.”

Then, with a crowing laugh, and to the utter amazement of both Jones boys, Peter launches himself into the sky and speeds away upon the clouds back into the recesses of the forest.

“Okay,” Killian says slowly, “clearly that particular rumor was true.”

“Let’s just get this plant and get the bloody hell out of here.”

“I agree to the getting out of here part, but maybe we should proceed with caution about the plant.”

Liam’s eyes widen and he shakes his head. “Surely you don’t believe that boy over our own captain.”

Killian’s eyes narrow. “I’ve never trusted Captain Roberts completely, and besides, Peter is a native of this island. Perhaps we should -”

“Killian,” Liam cuts him off, “you don’t trust anyone.”

The smile his brother gives him softens the words, and Killian smiles back. “I trust you.”

“Then trust me in this,” Liam says with a slap to Killian’s shoulder. “Without order, without discipline to your superiors, this navy life won’t work.”

Killian wonders, not for the first time, if that’s the very reason this navy idea is a better fit for Liam than it is for him. Nevertheless, he sighs in resignation. “I’d follow you anywhere, brother, you know that.”

And with a nod of understanding and trust, the two of them plunge into the deep woods. The jungle is dark and damp, and Killian only has the trust in his brother’s navigational skills and his compass to find the way. Killian grips said compass in his sweaty hand, pushing aside the tendrils of fear that seek to grip his heart. There’s something ominous in this jungle, and he has the feeling they’re being watched.

Liam squints down at the sketch in his hand. “I thought the boy said this plant was abundant here.”

“Perhaps we’ve -”

Before Killian can finish his sentence, a crowing shout fills the air, and filthy boys drop from the branches above them and burst from the thick foliage on all sides. Some have arrows notched to the bows they carry, others have spears resting upon their shoulders, while still others grip daggers in their fists. All of them have smeared their faces with mud and are garbed in either bits and pieces of the nature around them or tattered remains of clothing. They snarl and gnash their teeth more like animals than humans. He and Liam pull out their swords, but they are completely surrounded. Some of the boys only reach as high as Killian’s hip, clearly only eight or nine at the most. The last thing he wants to do is kill children, even if they do appear savage. The circle of boys part to allow their leader through.

“May I introduce you to my lost boys,” Peter grins. “This island is ours with no grown ups to tell us what to do.”

Liam shakes his head. “All we want is the plant. We told you.”

Peter tilts his head as he steps closer. “You’ve already grown up.” He turns to Killian. “But you - you could join my crew. I can tell you like to play.”

For one, dreamlike moment, Killian wants to tell Peter yes. No expectations, no responsibilities - it sounds wonderful. Playing sounds nice, too. He hasn’t played since his mother passed, and when was that? How old was he? He can’t remember anymore. The parents who were supposed to be there for you and protect your innocence left, leaving you at the mercy of rough hands and sinister eyes. Grown ups were the people who stole your childhood, who tossed your plaything into the deep, dark sea. He thinks of the stuffed rabbit Emma gave him, pure white and soft, bobbing farther and farther away from him. His mind can almost see it, with that bright pink ribbon. His heart beats wildly, he sways where he stands, and -

Liam steps closer, his shoulder brushing up against Killian, and it’s that contact that snaps the sixteen year old out of it. Yes, his brother. He can’t let Liam down.

“Never.”

He expects Peter to scoff, get angry, or turn on him. Instead, his gaze takes him in and a slow, sinister smile plays across his face.

“We’ll see.”

Casually, Peter turns to one of his crew and takes the spear the lad holds. With a subtle gesture, he gives the boys a command, and they all relax their postures, holding their weapons loosely. Pan spins the spear playfully as he turns back to Lieutenant Jones.

“You still trust your captain, lieutenant?”

“Always,” Liam insists.

Peter lifts the spear and taps it gently against Liam’s chest. “Let’s test that, shall we? That plant you seek? The tip of this spear has been coated with its sap. Your captain says it is medicine, I say it’s poison. Who should you trust?”

“Liam,” Killian pleads.

Liam lifts his hand to still his brother. “I have no reason to trust you, boy.”

Peter’s eyes flash with a mixture of bloodlust and glee as he slashes the spear brutally across Liam’s chest. Liam cries out and stumbles to his knees, hand to his chest as blood stains his shirt. Killian shouts and falls to the ground beside his brother.

“Just a scratch,” Pan laughs, practically bouncing around them. The lost boys join in his revelry, spinning and giggling maniacally.

Liam groans and falls back, his body shaking. Killian catches him in his lap. Through the gash in his shirt, the wound on Liam’s chest is turning black around the edges and vines of black extend outward, spreading across his torso.

“What’s happening to him?” Killian shouts at Peter.

“Dreamshade poison. I told you. He’ll be dead in minutes.”

Killian goes pale as he looks at the boy in shock. It isn’t so much the casual way he spoke the words, but the spots of red in his eyes and the pleasure curling his lips.

“K-Killian,” Liam gasps, reaching towards his little brother with a trembling hand. Killian takes it and clasps it as tears stream down his face.

“Stay with me, brother,” Killian weeps, then he looks frantically at Peter. “Save him! Please!”

The boy shakes his head. “No one can be saved from dreamshade.”

“Killian,” Liam says again, wincing against the pain, “I’m sorry, little brother. I’m so sor-”

His voice cuts off and he goes limp in Killian’s arms, his hand slipping out of its hold and falling to the ground.

“No!” Killian screams. “No, no, no!”

He cradles Liam’s still form to his chest, rocking back and forth. Sobs wrack his body. He doesn’t know if the lost boys are still there or what they are doing. The whole world could fall apart and he wouldn’t notice.

“It’s a shame, really. I tried to warn him.”

Killian’s head snaps up at the sound of Pan’s voice. Anger fills his veins, but when he speaks, only despair colors his words. “He was all that I had.”

“I know,” Pan replies in a voice that almost sounds sympathetic. He crouches down next to where Killian still clutches his brother’s form. “And now that he’s gone, you finally have the look that all my lost boys share. The look of someone who is completely and utterly alone. An orphan.”

********************************************

Killian watches Pan through the flickering flames of the campfire. The branch of a sapling rests in Killian’s lap, and his fingers twist a vine around each end to make a bow. Pan plays a song on his pipes, and several of the lost boys dance about to its melody. The song calls Killian, urging him to cast aside his pain and join the dance.

But he won’t let himself.

He squints up at the sun. He guesses it’s been about thirty three hours and . . . around twenty minutes since the lost boys tossed Liam’s body into the sea. Thirty three hours and twenty minutes without Liam. His entire life, Liam has been there, and now he’s gone.

Yesterday at dawn, he snuck down to the beach. The rowboat was still there, but the Jewel of the Realm was no longer a hulking form shrouded in the fog. He had taken the rowboat out - not for long and not far - and the ship was nowhere near shore. Surely they hadn’t flown away on the Pegasus sail. Surely they would wait longer than that before giving up on the Jones brothers. He guessed they had simply sailed out of sight or found a cove to hide in. Yet despite his hopes, it’s obvious that his captain cares little for mere boys. No search party has been sent, and Killian doubts it ever will.

Peter reminds him often that Liam’s death is the captain’s fault. The fault of every grown up on that ship, actually. They never cared about you. They never believed in you. Did you really think they would let you be a hero? There’s truth to Pan’s words, Killian knows this, and he’d be lying if he said hatred for his captain didn’t burn within his breast. But he’ll also never forget that it was Pan who sliced the spear laced with dreamshade across his brother’s chest. He’ll never forget Pan’s gleeful smile of satisfaction or the spots of red in his eyes as Liam’s blood seeped his naval shirt.

Killian eyes Pan across the fire now. The dance has reached a feverish pitch, and Killian already knows, in just thirty three hours as a lost boy, that the dance will soon fall apart into a wrestling match. Killian also knows that his only hope for survival is to play the part of a lost boy. Yet despite the naval blue ripped at the knees, despite the way he crowed when they set his naval jacket on fire, despite the mud smeared across his cheeks, Killian will never stop hating Peter Pan.

“Has Peter showed you how to lace that with dreamshade?”

Killian turns to the boy who has plopped down next to him. They all have names, but he can’t remember this one. His black hair is curled tightly against his head, his teeth seem white despite their filthiness against his dark skin. Freckles are barely visible across the bridge of his nose, and his brown eyes seem different somehow from the other boys.

“You forgot my name already didn’t, you?” he chuckles. “It’s Starkey.”

“Right,” Killian mutters, biting off the end of the vine that holds the arrowhead in place.

“There’s a trick to the dreamshade so you don’t nick yourself,” Starkey continues despite Killian’s unfriendliness. “Pan doesn’t always warn the boys. Thinks it’s funny.”

Killian casts a curious glance Starkey’s way. There’s definitely something in those mahogany eyes . . .

“He’s a bit sadistic, isn’t he?” Starkey asks, and Killian gets the impression he’s testing the waters somehow. The lad swallows, glancing nervously to where Peter is crowing over the inevitable wrestling match. “All boys but one grow up,” Starkey almost whispers.

Killian’s heart beats faster as he stares into the flames. “You mean,” he whispers back, not looking at his companion, “the others do?”

“I’m near thinning time,” Starkey replies, “so are Nibs and . Some are oblivious though. Ruffio, for example, he’ll no doubt stay faithful to the bitter end. I hate the look in their eyes when we turn on them.”

Killian turns his head in shock, but Starkey is slipping away into the jungle already. Starkey has obviously told him these things for a reason. But why?

As the next few weeks go by, he and Starkey have more whispered conversations, and Killian is surprised how quickly they become friends. Starkey’s tale is similar to his own, having spent time as a slave on a schooner. The only difference is that his parents were murdered and he was kidnapped, a trauma that Killian is sadly able to imagine now that Liam bled out in his arms.

Slowly, as the days go by, Starkey brings more boys into his confidence: Nibs, first, then Jooks, Noodler, Cecco, and Curly.

A hunting crew returns with a boar to roast, and that night there is a feast and a wild rumpus to follow. Though there is no alcohol, the whole thing reminds Killian of how he used to act when he’d drink too much rum. Killian feasts, he dances, even plasters a smile upon his face, but it’s all a show for Peter Pan. He can’t stop thinking of his brother for one, but there’s also Starkey’s cryptic words : thinning time.

Killian plops down, exhausted, and grabs a coconut to guzzle some of its milk. As he swipes the back of his hand over his mouth, he sees Pan at his side, leaning forward and scrutinizing his face. It takes all of Killian’s willpower not to startle back. For a long moment Peter studies him, and it causes a chill to run down Killian’s spine. When Pan finally speaks, his voice holds barely contained anger and a trace of shock.

“You have a mocking kiss in the corner of your mouth.”

Killian blinks. “Wh-what are you talking about?” His mind goes to Emma, of course, not that she is ever far from his thoughts. Especially now with Liam gone, he longs for the wardrobe in Captain Roberts’ cabin and fears he may never see it again.

“There,” Pan accuses, pointing with a dirty finger, “perfectly conspicuous in the right-hand corner. How did I not see it before?”

Killian glances around nervously as the party noises have gone silent. Several lost boys have drawn closer, concern furrowing their brows.

“He has a kiss, Peter?” one of the boys asks.

“Kisses are dangerous!” another one gasps.

“Yes,” Peter answers, his eyes narrowing with a faint glimmer of red, “a mocking kiss, and one he’s very fond of too.”

Killian swallows hard as he rises to his feet. The lost boys seem to be closing the noose around him, and he looks around frantically. There seems to be no choice but to fess up, hope for mercy, though Peter doesn’t seem the merciful type.

“So I’ve kissed lasses. So what? I’m 16!”

“No,” Pan hisses, “not lasses. One lass. A special lass.”

Killian clenches both fists, his face flushing at the way Pan spits out the words. Emma is special, and he won’t deny it. Ever.

“We don’t like girls,” Peter snarls, “they fancy themselves your mother, making you wash before meals and putting you to bed at a proper time.”

Killian narrows his eyes. “Um . . . I think you’re a bit confused.”

It was the wrong thing to say. He couldn’t help his sass, has rarely been able to help it.

“Your brother was obvious. He’d already chosen to grow up. But you, you tricked me. You can’t be a lost boy with that kiss always mocking me.”

Killian knows a heartbeat before it happens that the lost boys will fall upon him. What he doesn’t expect is to find his old naval sword in his hand or for Starkey, Nibs, and several others to fall in line just behind him. He glances at Starkey right before the two sides clash, and the other boy winks at him knowingly.

Those on Killian’s side are all older, but they are fewer in number. And Starkey was right, not all the other boys close to thinning time are willing to turn on their leader. Rufio is the oldest and fiercest fighter, his loyalty to Pan clear in his gaze and his willingness to die. Killian guesses he is seventeen, and he’s broader and taller than Killian. Nevertheless, Killian has naval training with a sword. He holds back, however, unwilling to slaughter little boys, no matter the situation. Yet when he finds himself face to face, blade to blade, with Rufio, something shifts. Pan may not want his boys to grow up, but Rufio fights like a man. Unrefined and a bit desperate, but with strength and muscle behind it.

All skirmishes cease as the sound of the blades clashing draws everyone’s attention. Ruffio fights dirty while Killian has been taught to fight like a gentleman. At first, Rufio’s style seems to be winning when he trips Killian then flings sand in his face. Yet Killian’s training has given him muscle memory, and even with his eyes burning, he acts instinctively.

Killian’s blade pierces Rufio’s heart. The boy’s eyes widen in shock before he hits the ground, blood spreading quickly across his chest. The lost boys are silent. Chest heaving, Killian turns towards Pan, lifting his blood-stained sword.

“I have a crew of my own now,” he tells the demon child, “and we’re leaving.”

Pan narrows his eyes, and before Killian can register what’s happening, he’s taken flight and making circles around him. Pan lands just behind Killian and startles him when he speaks.

“I’m afraid I can’t allow mutiny in my ranks.”

Killian turns to face Pan, ready for a fight, but is unprepared when Peter plunges his hand into his chest. Killian gasps and chokes as Pan squeezes. Then he tugs and with a sharp pain, yanks Killian’s heart out. Killian’s mouth hangs open in shock as he presses his hand to his chest. There’s no blood. How is there no blood?

Pan lifts a glowing red object and holds it in Killian’s face - his heart. It pulses, bright red, with tiny swirls of dark flitting through it.

“Look at this, Killian Jones, you have a touch of darkness in your heart.”

Killian doesn’t know what to do, he can scarcely comprehend what is happening. He’s heard rumors of witches and warlocks who could steal a man’s heart. He never expected it of this boy, however. Killian drops to his knees as Pan squeezes his heart.

“I could crush it right now and end you,” Pan mocks gleefully, “but since you attempted to steal my crew, I’m thinking of a more fitting punishment.”

Pan leans forward and slams Killian’s heart back into his chest. In the same moment, Peter’s other hand snatches Killian’s abandoned sword and he brings it down upon Killian’s wrist, slicing off his left hand. Killian screams in pain, holding his severed appendage to his chest as he falls backwards. Starkey catches him and helps him to his feet, Nibs supports him on the other side.

Pan kicks at the lifeless hand where it lies upon the ground. “They say a vein runs from the heart right down to the tip of your left hand. Fitting don’t you think?”

Pan and his loyal followers melt into the jungle, and Killian doubles over in pain. “Leave me,” he grits out to Starkey and Nibs.

But the two former lost boys in addition to the few others who had stood at Killian’s back refuse to leave him. They drag him through the jungle in the opposite direction of the rest of Pan’s crew.

***************************************

Killian Jones stands at the top of the highest peak in Neverland. The last month has been a time of healing for him. Healing from losing his hand. Healing from the loss of his brother.

But the thirst for revenge? That hasn’t waned.

Killian looks down at the curve of metal at the end of his left arm. His jaw clenches as he gazes upon it, then back out to sea. His new crew had taken him to a couple of fairies - Tinker Bell and Tiger Lily. They had enough pixie dust between them to help him heal, though it was still a long, slow process. No amount of light magic, however, could give him back his hand.

“Hook?”

Killian turns to where Starkey stands further down the hill. That’s what his crew calls him now: Hook. His blue eyes gaze back out to sea at a familiar speck of white on the horizon.

“Get the crew together,” he tells his faithful friend. “We have ourselves a ship.”

**********************************************

For only the second time in his life, Killian Jones has bloodied his sword. Killing Rufio had been largely in self defense, and he had felt sick as he watched the boy’s life blood stain the ground. He doesn’t feel sick now as he strides amongst the naval crew he used to be a part of. He and his new crew had fought ruthlessly, and now their remaining enemies have been tied and gagged.

“If you don’t want to die today,” Killian announces, “you can pledge allegiance to me, Captain Hook.”

A choking laugh escapes the gagged mouth of the Jewel of the Realm’s captain. Killian’s eyes flash when he hears it, and he strides to Captain Roberts. He leans down and yanks the gag from the man’s mouth with his hook.

“Is something funny?” he snaps.

“You are still nothing but a boy.”

Killian leans close to the man’s ear and speaks to him in a whisper. “Really? Is that why you sent my brother and I like lambs to the slaughter? You sent mere boys to retrieve your poison?”

“You knew what you were signing up for when you joined the navy.” Roberts turns and spits in Killian’s face.

Behind Hook, his new crew of former lost boys gasp in shock. Their new leader stands erect, calmly wiping the spittle away with his handkerchief.

“What about loyalty, Roberts? When my brother and I didn’t promptly return, you sailed away and left us.” Killian clenches his jaw. “I see Hawkins is back on board. Were you returning to send him to this accursed island? Still a coward?”

Killian doesn’t need the man to answer; he knows it to be true. Hawkins stands behind him, shoulder to shoulder with Starkey, his arms crossed as he coldly assesses his captain. Killian catches the boy’s eye and Jim nods his approval before Killian hefts his sword and plunges it into Captain Robert’s shoulder. The man flings his head back and screams. Seeing the blood spill upon the deck as he pulls the sword back reminds Killian of Liam, and filled with rage, he stabs the man in the other shoulder. Whimpers color the man’s grunts of pain.

“What do you want?” he manages to choke out.

Killian raises his hook and plunges it into the man’s chest. “I want my brother back, you son of a bitch.” He twists his hook viciously before yanking it out, and the man’s lifeless body crumples to the deck.

Silence reigns on the deck as Captain Hook calmly straightens, wiping his bloody hook clean on his handkerchief. “Raise the black flag!” he shouts to Starkey. “This ship is now the Jolly Roger!”

Tagging: @snowbellewells @kmomof4 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @teamhook @bethacaciakay @let-it-raines @welllpthisishappening @wellhellotragic @winterbaby89 @xhookswenchx @courtorderedcake @branlovestowrite @hollyethecurious @vvbooklady1256 @profdanglaisstuff @carpedzem @ekr032-blog-blog @jennjenn615 @tiganasummertree @lfh1226-linda @ultraluckycatnd @spartanguard @shireness-says @scientificapricot @stahlop @resident-of-storybrooke @superchocovian @sherlockianwhovian @snidgetsafan @ohmakemeahercules @thislassishooked @ilovemesomekillianjones @nikkiemms@delirious-latenight-laughs

#cs ff #csrt #captain swan rewrite a thon #cs neverland au #cs canon divergence #magic wardrobe #soul mates #childhood sweethearts #angst #slow burn

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alarawriting · 4 years ago

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Inktober 2020 #24 - Dig

This comes from the latest incarnation of the very first novel I ever wrote.

When I was 10 I was blown away by a book called “The Girl Who Owned A City”, about a girl my age trying to survive after a plague killed all the adults. This predated the TV/comic series “Jeremiah” by a good bit. The book had a lot of weird shit in it that I now know is libertarian/objectivist bullshit, but at the time I was amazed by it. So, of course, I wrote my own version of the concept, “Below”, which was terrible because I was in 7th grade and in those days, without the Internet, we all sucked when we were young. Then when I was 13, I wanted to enter a contest for teen novel writers, and my mom “helped” me by completely rewriting Below into a totally different, equally terrible work that was terrible in a very different way.

Sometime in my 20′s, I started a rewrite, more or less using the plot skeleton of the original but completely rewriting from the ground up, but I only got, like, two chapters into it. In 2017, I picked up the rewrite again, and would probably have gotten farther with it if not for the 2018 cancer diagnosis. One of the things I did was to add an explicitly autistic character as a counterpart to the main character, who, being that she was originally based on me, is an undiagnosed autistic girl who more or less successfully fakes being NT most of the time. Andy Thorn is a boy, does not successfully fake being NT pretty much ever, and was diagnosed as autistic at some point in his life. He’s also anosmic because my older son is and I wanted to explore how not being able to smell might affect a kid in a world without adults, after a plague.

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The house was like most of the other houses Andy had visited. One window was smashed, but the front and back doors were still locked, and aside from the broken window, there was no evidence anyone had gone inside. “Stay, boys,” Andy told his dogs. They’d led him here, and he didn’t question their noses, but it was good to get independent corroboration.

He used the stepladder he’d been carrying around in the cart attached to his bicycle to climb up to the broken window. Carefully he reached inside, unlatched the lock on the window, and screwed two clamps to the lower rail of the window sash. With the clamps attached, he was easily able to open the window enough to slide inside without hurting himself on broken glass. The front door was deadbolted, but the deadbolt could be opened with the twist of a knob – it didn’t require a key. Andy opened the door and let his dogs in, and then pulled in his cart.

Clifford and Updog immediately began sniffing around, exploring the house. “Clifford. Find the dead thing. Find dead, Clifford.” Tail wagging, Clifford went in search of dead people. “Updog. Heel.” Updog took the appropriate position. “Good boy. Let’s go.” He followed Clifford, and Updog followed him.

They were in the master bedroom, of course. Two of them this time, two men. Their rotting bodies lay next to each other, as if they had huddled together before the end had come.

Andy was here to make a bargain with them. He didn’t need to talk out loud, because they were dead and couldn’t hear him, and because he knew they wanted what he had to offer. Or would have wanted it, if he had been able to make the deal when they were alive on behalf of when they were dead. The dead wanted to be buried. They didn’t want to rot in the pajamas and nightgowns or sometimes naked in the bedsheets that he found them, bringing maggots and disease to the homes they had loved when they were alive. They wanted to go down in the ground and have a stone to mark where they’d been laid to rest. And they would pay him in the bounties of their home, canned goods and medicines and other things Andy could make use of and that they couldn’t anymore.

Stealing was wrong. Andy didn’t like the looters any more than he liked the gangs. The looters stole from people who weren’t alive any more – generally speaking people who had died in a hospital, far away, because they stayed away from the houses that smelled like death – and the gangs stole from the looters. Stealing was wrong, even if you were doing it to survive, because it was wrong. Wrong things didn’t stop being wrong just because you felt like you had to do them. Andy had found another alternative. He performed a service for the dead, and the dead repaid him.

He found bedsheets in the linen closet. Wearing his gloves, which he never forgot because he hated touching anything because everything had germs on it, Andy wrapped the first body in a bedsheet, and then the second one. They didn’t fall apart too much. The skeletons were strong. Some of the meat had rotted enough to fall away from the bone, but it was stuck in the pajamas so it didn’t fall away from the body, and then it was all wrapped up in the bedsheet. Another bedsheet, he carried out to his cart and lined it, and then pulled the cart to the bedroom.

It was hard for a 10 year old boy to move the dead body of an adult man. It involved a lot of pushing and pulling, and eventually, the body fell off the bed onto the cart. Two dead bodies would be too much to carry, so Andy moved the first one first, going back to the front door. “Don’t worry,” he told the dead man. “Your friend comes next. You won’t be alone.”

Outside, he dug in the dirt. Clifford and Updog helped. They liked to dig. For sanitary reasons a grave should be six feet deep, but Andy wasn’t even six feet tall, and there was no way he could dig that much. He dug down about a foot and a half, wide enough for two bodies to lie next to each other, long enough that they could lay mostly straight without having to curl up a lot. It took hours. Not as long as it had taken the first time he did this, when it was his mom and his dad that he was burying; he was stronger now, even if his hands were sore and calloused from all the digging, but it was still hard and it still took half the day.

When he was done digging, he tumbled the body off his cart and into the shallow grave, and then went back for the second body. That one was dumped into the grave too, lying half on top of the first body. Then Andy started putting the dirt that he’d taken out back on them, forming a mound.

He ate two meals there at the house, while he was digging. The cheese that had gone bad in the fridge was covered with mold, but the mold didn’t go all the way into the hard cheese, so he was able to get it all off with a cheese planer. The bread in the pantry was moldy too, but there was an ancient hard baguette that was too crunchy and tough to have grown any mold. Water still ran from the taps, though the hot water was all gone by now. Hard baguette plus water made softer, more edible baguette, and cheese where he’d cut all the mold off tasted weird but satisfied his hunger. For his second meal he ate cold vegetable soup with milk made from powder, and had a dessert of a can of cherry pie filling.

There wasn’t any dog food in the pantry. They hadn’t had a dog. Most houses Andy visited didn’t have a dog, and the one he did find, the dog had eaten most of the old man’s body, making it very hard to collect all the pieces of the guy to bury them. He’d released the dog; as much as he liked dogs, it was a small yappy dog who barked at him and his dogs a lot and also growled at his dogs, so letting it free to join a wild pack was probably better than making Clifford and Updog jealous or stressed out. Andy did find canned Vienna sausages and canned tuna fish. He liked to eat those things himself, but Clifford and Updog needed meat in their diet; Andy could survive without it as long as he ate things like powdered milk and peanut butter, things with the protein he couldn’t get from most vegetables. So he fed the canned meat to his dogs. It wasn’t very much; they’d need another meal when they all got home.

It was close to evening as he finished shoveling dirt onto the mound. He heard a whistle, and turned. Three boys were standing outside the fence. He was face-blind, so he couldn’t tell from looking at them if he knew them from anywhere. One was a littler kid, maybe seven or eight, but the other two were around his age, 10 or 11 or so. One of the kids his age was white; the other two boys looked like they were from India or Pakistan or something. All three of the boys were wearing hoodies that had some kind of green blob painted on them, that looked as if maybe it was trying to be the same shape each time but whoever had had the can of spray paint wasn’t a good enough artist to be consistent. “Shit, dude,” the white boy said. “Did you just dig a grave for some deads?”

“Yes,” Andy said.

“This your house then? I thought this was the house where the gay guys lived.”

“Is that why they died together?” Andy said.

“Didn’t you know them?” the older brown-skinned boy said. When he talked, Andy recognized him. It was Nish Varma, who’d been in most of his classes with him. “How did you not know they were gay?”

“I didn’t know them,” Andy said. “I looked through all the envelopes in the house to find their names and I wrote them on this rock.” He showed the boys the rock he had written the men’s names on, in crayon because Sharpie markers didn’t stick to rocks as well as crayon did. Andy kept crayons in his pocket for that reason.

“What were you burying them for then?”

“That’s what I do,” Andy said. “I bury the dead. Stealing is wrong so when I need food, I go to houses that have dead people in them, and I bury them. That’s a service, so I take the food they left as a repayment. That’s better than stealing. There’s nothing wrong with bargaining for what you need and working hard to provide a service and getting paid for it.”

The little boy said, “How can you stand how bad it stinks? We don’t go to houses with dead people! There’s flies everywhere and it smells awful!”

“I can’t smell anything,” Andy said.

The white boy said, “Seriously? You can’t smell that? What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me is called anosmia,” Andy said. “It means I have no sense of smell. It’s like being blind or deaf except for smell.” He gestured at his dogs. “My dogs here find the dead people houses for me. Dogs don’t mind dead people smells. So I bury the dead bodies. You’re supposed to make graves six feet deep but that takes grownup men a long time to do and ladders so they can get out, so I don’t dig as deep.” Andy had suspected that the main reason the houses he visited were usually untouched and unlooted – at most, a broken window or a jimmied door, but no food taken – was that people with a sense of smell couldn’t stand it, and as long as there were still houses where the owners had died in the hospital and so there were no dead bodies on the premises, other kids weren’t desperate enough to go to the houses of the dead. He knew dead people supposedly smelled bad; he just had no idea what a bad smell was actually like, since he couldn’t smell anything. But this was the first time he’d had it confirmed.

The white boy whistled again. “But still! You can lift dead grownups and you can dig a hole that big? You must be ripped, man.” He leaned on the fence. “Look, me and my dudes here aren’t here to get on your stake and take the food here. I can see you’ve got big dogs, and you look pretty tough.”

That surprised Andy. Most people didn’t think he looked tough. He used to get bullied a lot. “Maybe I got pretty tough from a lot of digging,” he agreed. Or maybe they were fake complimenting him in a sarcastic way and it was really bullying. Andy could never tell if that was what kids were trying to do until they started laughing. But he preferred to give people the benefit of the doubt and take their word for it until they proved otherwise.

“I’ll just bet,” the white boy said. “That’s why we’re here to recruit you. The Green Bears could use a strong dude like you.”

“You wouldn’t have to dig any more graves,” Nish said. “When you’re a Bear, you get fed. We’ve got access to gas-powered ranges that are still on, so we get cooked food.”

“We had spaghetti yesterday,” the little boy said. “With sauce!”

“Yeah, and me and my brother are vegetarian but the kids who aren’t vegetarian got meat sauce.”

“And you can live in your own house, since the Civic Center got too full for any more guys,” the white boy said. “The Bears are fucking huge, man.”

Andy winced. “That’s a curse word. You shouldn’t say that word.”

“Oh, like my mommy and daddy are around to wash my fucking mouth out with fucking soap? Fucking shit damn on a bastard son of a bitch. Who’s gonna fucking stop me?”

“No one,” Andy said, “but wrong things don’t stop being wrong just because no one can stop you doing them.”

“Fucking hell, dudes, we got ourselves a real Boy Scout here,” the white boy said, and Nish and his brother and the white boy all laughed.

“No,” Andy said. “I was never in the Boy Scouts.” The other boys laughed harder. Andy scowled. He knew they were laughing at what he said, and he was pretty sure it was probably in a nasty, making-fun-of-him way, but as usual he had no idea why they thought what he’d said was funny.

“Andy’s special,” Nish said, leaning on the fence. “If he doesn’t wanna swear I’m cool with that.” Nish hadn’t been one of the kids who’d bullied him in class. He had never talked to him or tried to be friends with him either, but at least he hadn’t bullied Andy. “How about it, Andy? Come join us!”

“No, thank you,” Andy said politely.

The white boy scowled. “Dude. You have no idea what you’re passing up.”

“That’s okay,” Andy said. “I don’t believe in stealing. Gangs go around stealing things from other kids, so I don’t want to join one. And I don’t believe in hurting anyone unless they hurt me first.”

“Bullshit,” Nish said. “In third grade you hit the teacher with a chair.”

Andy winced. He had done it because she took his book away while he was reading about dogs, even though he was already done with his assignment, because it was math class and he wasn’t supposed to be reading in math class. It had been totally unfair and triggered a complete emotional meltdown. He’d been suspended for three days and had had numerous Talks with his parents during that time. “I have a bad temper,” he admitted. “That doesn’t mean I think what I did was right.”

“I think you’d better reconsider,” the white boy said. “Carrie doesn’t like it when we report to her that some guy didn’t want to join the Bears. She’s psycho, man.”

“Who is Carrie?”

“Carrie Mulhaney. She’s Rich’s younger sister and second in command. When guys say they won’t join the Bears, she burns their houses down.”

“I’m not worried about that,” Andy said.

“I’m not fucking with you, man. I’m serious. She will burn your fucking house down.”

“With what?” Andy said. “Gasoline? Wood that’s on fire? Alcohol?”

“Are you serious?” the boy said. “With whatever! What does it matter?”

“My dogs are trained to smell dangerous things for me,” Andy said. “Fire is a smell they’re trained on. Gasoline is a smell they’re trained on. Natural gas is a smell they’re trained on. I don’t know of anything that can be used to burn down a house that isn’t a smell they’re trained on.” He smiled, with all his teeth, because a couple of kids in his class said that when he smiled with all of his teeth he looked like a psycho and he should stop doing that, except that right now, these boys were threatening him so looking like a psycho so they would leave him alone was a good thing. “I have guns upstairs in my house. If my dogs alert me that someone is bringing a dangerous smell to my house, I’ll take my dad’s rifle and I’ll shoot whoever is on my property. And dogs can smell a dangerous thing from a long way away. I could tell you all about how good dogs are at smelling, if you want.” Most kids never wanted to hear him talk about dogs. Occasionally adults would listen to him, but there were no adults anymore.

“Don’t let him get started,” Nish said. “If he starts talking about dogs he never shuts up.”

“Your funeral, man,” the white boy said. “If you’re saying no, you’re saying no, but I betcha Carrie isn’t worried about your guns.”

“That’s good,” Andy said. “If she’s not worried about them, then she won’t take precautions and it’ll be easy to shoot her if she comes into my yard.”

“Whatever,” the white boy said. “Come on, dudes, let’s go. We don’t need this loser anyway.”

“Weirdo,” the little boy said. “Creepy weirdo. We don’t even want him in the Bears.”

They left. Andy brought his dogs back into the house, sat down on the dead men’s plush, soft sofa, and called his dogs up on to the sofa with them. Then he hugged them while he cried. Emotional confrontations upset him, a lot. He’d gotten better at controlling his temper since third grade, and he could hide the fact that he wanted to cry until he was alone or with a safe grownup, but he couldn’t keep himself from crying indefinitely. Updog lay his head and paws down on Andy’s lap, which was heavy but comforting anyway, and Clifford snuggled close so Andy could hug him and cry against his fur.

After he was done crying, it was time to take his payment and go home. His dogs needed food, and he had candy bars at his house that he was saving for stressful times like this. He loaded his cart with the powdered milk and all the cans he could fit, as well as a bunch of fitness food replacements like energy bars and protein powder. Maybe tomorrow he’d come back for the rest of the cans; he didn’t know how fast dead smell cleared out of a house, though, so it was possible that other kids would hit the place before he had a chance to.

It was dark, and Andy had a hard time finding his way in the dark, but he trusted his dogs to know the way. “Home, Clifford. Home, Updog,” he said, and they trotted in front of him, pulling just hard enough on their leashes to lead him forward. Really, he was only holding their leashes to make them feel secure, because they were trained with leashes; he knew they would walk with him if he let go of the leashes, and it was hard to pull his heavy cart with one hand and hold onto two big dogs’ leashes with the other, but he did it anyway because his dogs expected it and he know how upset he got when things happened that he didn’t expect, so he imagined his dogs felt the same way.

#inktober 2020 #alara's october 2020 prompt fics #below

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sifeng · 5 years ago

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Chinese Drama Villains

Villains are just as essential to a story as a hero. If you have a weak villain that has no personality beyond evil, and no reasoning behind their actions besides “because they’re evil”, then no matter how good your hero is, the story still won’t be compelling.

Today, I will compare 7 different villains from four different kinds of dramas - wuxia, xianxia, harem and revolutionary era. The eight villains can also be grouped into three different categories based on why they do what they do - for love, for power, and a struggle internally.

The eight villains I will be analyzing are as follows:

Sui He (穗禾) played by Wang Yifei (王一菲) from Ashes of Love (香蜜沉沉烬如霜) - Xianxia

Xian Fei (娴妃) played by She Shiman (佘诗曼) from The Story of Yanxi Palace (延禧攻略) - Harem

An Lingrong (安陵容) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) from Empresses in the Palace (甄嬛传) - Harem

Hua Fei (华妃) played by Jiang Xin (蒋欣) from Empresses in the Palace (甄嬛传) - Harem

Yang Kang (杨康) played by so many different people but from the most recent one its Chen Xingxu (陈星旭) from The Legend of the Condor Heroes (射雕英雄传) - Wuxia

Zhou Zhiruo (周芷若) played by so many different people but from the most recent one its Zhu Xudan (祝绪丹) from Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre (倚天屠龙记) - Wuxia

Feng Manna (冯曼娜) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) from Rookie Agent Rouge (胭脂) - Revolutionary Era

They can be grouped into the three categories I mentioned before in this order:

For Love - Sui He, Hua Fei, Zhou Zhiruo (kind of)

For Power - Xian Fei, An Lingrong

Internal Struggle - Yang Kang, Zhou Zhiruo (kind of), Feng Manna

Let’s analyze each category separately. Also sorry Yang Kang is the only guy villain here, but lets be real, in recent dramas haven’t the villains always been ladies?

For Love

This group is the easiest to determine what their motivation is: love. For all three, they are the second female leads (arguably) and cannot get the leading man because he obviously belongs to the female lead.

Sui He (穗禾) played by Wang Yifei (王一菲) - Ashes of Love (香蜜沉沉烬如霜)

For Sui He, love is one of two factors that causes her to do the things she does. The other factor is because she wants to please the Heavenly Empress to keep her position as the leader of the Bird Tribe. But evidently, it seems that love is her primary motive, as the scene in which she completely breaks down is when Xu Feng (male lead) reveals he never loved Sui He and only wanted to see if she really killed Jin Mi (female lead)’s parents. When she looses leadership of the Bird Tribe, yeah, she’s sad, but not as sad as the aforementioned scene.

Hua Fei/Nian Shilan (华妃/年世兰) played by Jiang Xin (蒋欣) - Empresses in the Palace (甄嬛传) - the one in hot pink

Hua Fei’s motive is just love. She already has power within the harem (she’s tied with the Empress), and her family is super important and powerful as well. The only thing she wants is the Emperor (male lead)’s love. When the emperor is more interested in the new concubines, Shen Meizhuang and Zhen Huan (female lead), Hua Fei is ready to destroy them. She gets Shen Meizhuang out of favor by tricking her into thinking she was pregnant, and while she tries, on many occasions, to get Zhen Huan out of favor as well, it seems her ideas don’t work.

Zhu Xudan (祝绪丹) as Zhou Zhiruo (周芷若) in Heavenly Sword and Dragon-Slaying Sabre (倚天屠龙记)

Zhou Zhiruo could technically be in two categories here, but let’s just talk about how her love for Zhang Wuji (male lead) affects her decisions. After Zhang Wuji leaves her at the altar after Zhao Min (female lead) intrudes on their ceremony and offers to help Zhang Wuji find his godfather only if he leaves with her, Zhou Zhiruo sheds the mask of innocence that she wears. She uses her unorthodox Nine White Bone Claws to try to kill Zhao Min, and this isn’t her first attempt to kill Zhao Min. She tried once to stab her in the stomach while she was sleeping, but got caught by Yin Li, who she had to kill instead. She then tried to make Zhang Wuji kill Zhao Min by pretending that Zhao Min had killed Yin Li and stolen the swords. The reason for her attempted assassinations is she is jealous that Zhang Wuji likes Zhao Min (though some of her other evil actions are for a different reason).

So What Do These Three Have in Common?

Love leads these three female villains into killing at least one person. For Sui He, she kills the Water and Wind Immortal, for Hua Fei she succeeds in giving Zhen Huan a miscarriage, and for Zhou Zhiruo, she is forced to kill Yin Li to silence her. Love drives these three into a frenzy, and they are willing to do anything or kill anyone to get the love of their respective male leads.

Some Others in this Category:

Zhao Sese (赵瑟瑟) - Goodbye My Princess (东宫)

Su Jin (素锦) - Eternal Love (三生三世十里桃花)

Chun Fei (纯妃) - Story of Yanxi Palace (延禧攻略) - kind of an exception though since she loves the second male lead

For Power

This type of villain is seen commonly in harem dramas, and some heroines even have this as their motive (Zhen Huan, Wei Yingluo). Their basis for their horrible actions is primarily so they can gain power, usually so they can be above those who had previously stepped all over them.

Xian Fei/Hui Fa Na La Shu Shen (娴妃/辉发那拉·淑慎) played by She Shiman (佘诗曼) - Story of Yanxi Palace (延禧攻略)

Xian Fei had once been a kind and unfavored concubine who didn't bother to play in court politics (but then again, in the beginning only Gao Guifei cared at all). But after her family’s fall from power (of which she cannot do anything for), she changes dramatically. She starts by killing Jia Pin, and making all sorts of ploys to bring Wei Yingluo’s downfall. While she doesn’t hate the emperor, her motives for getting higher in the court have nothing to do with him. Her ending, while not as bad as some of the other ones, is rather tragic, as she becomes an empress that is isolated and given no real power, similar to how she started out.

An Lingrong (安陵容) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) - Empress in the Palace (甄嬛传)

Like Xian Fei, An Lingrong starts out weak, unfavored but still good-hearted. She is grateful for the friendship of her two friends, Zhen Huan and Shen Meizhuang, even though the emperor could care less about her. She actually starts out at the lowest title possible for a concubine and stays there for like eighteen episodes. As her power grows a little stronger, she begins to develop an inferiority complex, and she believes Zhen Huan is trying to sabotage her (even though she’s not). She ends up betraying her two good friends in the beginning and going to the empress to become her minion. Throughout this development, her title grows and grows as does her father’s importance in the court. As her power grows, her personality shifts from kind and innocent to jealous and eager to gain more power.

Some Others in this Category:

Hong Shiguang (洪世光) - My Amazing Boyfriend (我的奇妙男友)

So What Do These Two Have in Common?

They both start out weak and unfavored, though Xian Fei’s rank is considerably higher than An Lingrong’s. While An Lingrong doesn’t need a tragedy to get her power hungry quest started, she does require assistance at first from Zhen Huan. The two ladies both use subtle plots and schemes to bring down their competitors, and both kill somebody. Xian Fei straight up chokes Jia Pin (though not with her own hands of course) and An Lingrong causes Zhen Huan’s miscarriage by giving her an ointment whose scent causes miscarriages. Both rise considerably in power, and loose their old personalities, replacing them with a desire for power and revenge.

Internal Struggle

This is my favorite type of villain, and also the most complex. This group of characters have some sort of struggle internally, usually on whether to do what others say, or do what seems to be easiest. They are the most emotional of these villains because even though they seem to be tough and strong on the outside, inside they have no clue what to do.

Yang Kang (杨康) played by Chen Xingxu (陈星旭) - Legend of the Condor Heroes (射雕英雄传)

Honestly, while watching the 2003 and 2017 versions and reading the novel, I felt really bad for Yang Kang, but he definitely does do things we as watchers cannot forgive. His struggle is between whether he should accept his fate as a normal Song peasant or continue being the Jurchen Prince he once was. His real father, Yang Tiexin was a Song peasant, as was his mom, Bao Xiruo. After Yang Tiexin was supposedly “killed”, Bao Xiruo married Wanyan Honglie, a Jurchen Prince, so Yang Kang could have a good life. When Yang Tiexin was revealed not to be dead, Bao Xiruo and Mu Nianci (Yang Kang’s love interest) both convinced him to accept his father was Yang Tiexin, and escape the city to live a peasant life with his real family. He refused, and Wanyan Honglie decided to run after the reunited family, this led to the deaths of Yang Tiexin and Bao Xiruo. Their deaths, as well as Yang Kang’s new struggle of “who am I?” leads him to Mu Nianci, and he finally accepts he is Yang Tiexin’s son, and a normal Song peasant. But, life as a Song peasant obviously is not as comfortable as life as a Jurchen Prince, and he constantly switches and back and forth from Song peasant to Jurchen Prince. When he discovers the reason Bao Xiruo and Yang Tiexin were separated in the first place was Wanyan Honglie; Mu Nianci, Guo Jing and Huang Rong all tell him to kill Wanyan Honglie. He is about to, but cannot do so, because well, duh, this dude raised him. For eighteen (something) years, he thought he was Wanyan Kang, and not Yang Kang.

This brings me to why he’s a villain - the things I said before, that doesn’t make him a villain, it makes him a human. But what does make him a villain is when he is willing to betray his true country (Song) for Jin, and when he then lies to Mu Nianci.

Is he allowed to not be willing to leave the comfort of the palace? Yes. Is he allowed to not have the guts to kill Wanyan Honglie? Yes. Is he allowed to help Wanyan Honglie once in exchange for Wanyan Honglie raising him? Yes, even twice. But, is he allowed to betray his country and the person who loves him the most just for some title and some riches? No. Sure, he can stay in the palace as a Jurchen prince, but the fact that he used Mu Nianci’s connections to get information about Song army advancements and then TOLD THEM TO WANYAN HONGLIE is unacceptable.

But I do think it ought to be said - Guo Jing, Huang Rong and Mu Nianci were being way too cruel when they asked Yang Kang to kill Wanyan Honglie. That’s like asking you to kill this man who did nothing but be nice to you and raise you as a parent should for your entire childhood. Who is cruel enough to do that?

Feng Manna (冯曼娜) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) - Rookie Agent Rouge (胭脂)

I also felt really bad for Manna, especially in the beginning. In the beginning, her best friend is Lan Yanzhi, and they’re really close - that is until Yanzhi decides to betray Manna. Yanzhi decides to help the Nationalist Party by infiltrating Manna’s house and revealing how Manna’s parents are Japanese spies. Yanzhi does make the Nationalists promise that in her infiltrating the house, these actions will not hurt Manna (but of course they do). Yanzhi’s spying causes the death of Manna’s parents and the destruction of the friendship the two girls had.

So, doesn’t Yanzhi seem like the villain here? Well, two reasons she isn’t, what Manna does after these first few episodes, and because Yanzhi was helping her country (ooooh, I should do an antihero analysis too! Yanzhi would fit so perfectly). After the death of her parents, Manna can only rely on San Ge, the person she loves the most. And eventually, she is forced to go and help the Japanese, something she does with joy, and she really (really really really) wants to capture Yanzhi and torture her too. She ends up being a huge spy for the Japanese, and when she does capture Yanzhi, she unleashes all sorts of torture on her (mental, physical, all the sorts). Her willingness to betray her country just because of a broken friendship does paint her as a traitor, but you do have to consider the fact that she has no where else to go. Her parents were traitors, and so who will believe that she’s a hero? Another factor that makes her a villain is the fact that she believes her parents were correct, she believes that they’ll go to heaven, even though they were evil and wicked. While of course, we, as children (usually), see our parents as good people no matter what they do, Manna should have seen this situation in context.

But now that I write this, Manna is a very pitiful character, and if this story was told from her point of view, Yanzhi would 100% be the villain. Out of the people on this list, Manna has the most reason to do what she does, and while its not correct (what she does), she really had no other option.

Zhou Zhiruo (周芷若) played by Zhu Xudan (祝绪丹) - Heavenly Sword and Dragon Slaying Sabre (倚天屠龙记)

We’ve already seen how love impacts Zhou Zhiruo’s decisions and her evil, but another factor that causes her transformation is the pressure her master, Miejue put on her before her death. Miejue made Zhou Zhiruo promise not to ever love Zhang Wuji, and even to kill him. She made her the new leader of Emei, but also said that if Zhiruo disobeyed her, then Miejue would never get to experience peace in the afterlife. Zhiruo, who loves Zhang Wuji, but also Miejue doesn't know what to do.

On the Island, she steals the two swords, and while she tries to kill Zhao Min, her master had told her to kill Wuji. She cannot bring herself to do that (meaning she has disobeyed her master and that Miejue will not find peace in the afterlife). She then gets the Nine Yin Manual, and practices the Nine White Bone Claw skill, though she only learns the inferior unorthodox version. Zhiruo kills Yin Li, and pushes all the responsibility onto Zhao Min, continuing to pretend she too is a victim. After being left at the altar, she decides to follow through with Miejue’s orders and becomes the true leader of Emei. She shuts up one of the Emei students who used to talk trash about her by continuously hitting her with her blows until the student finally accepts Zhiruo is truly the leader.

So What Do These Three Have in Common?

They’re being told to do one thing, but they cannot. Yang Kang is told to be a Song peasant, since he’s supposed to be one, but he would rather be a prince. Manna is told she should be sincere to her country, but the only people who will accept her are the Japanese. Zhiruo is told to forget her love for Zhang Wuji, but she loves him too much. This kind of struggle leads them to do cruel things out of confusion or anger. These are the most complex villains, with motives that go beyond just one thing. They do bad things because they cannot live up society’s expectations of a good person, and go the opposite way instead.

So What Makes a Good Villain?

The ones I’ve included as analysis are all good villains, but my favorite, in terms of how complex he is, is Yang Kang. He are real, human, and his motives go beyond just one reason. Manna was also really complex, and also she had just a great transformation. She is kind of forced into the role of a villain because there’s no where else to go. Honestly, though she does some bad things, people in that show (Rookie Agent Rouge) all do bad things, even good guys, so she’s a great reflection of how cruel society can be. She’s a victim, and because no one was willing to help her, or because she wasn’t wiling to accept the truth, she turned into the villain. My least favorite type of villains is the “do it for love” type, since, realistically, few people would go to the point of murder for love.

One of the reasons I feel like Manna is such a good villain, is because Tao Xinran played her role so well. Jiang Xin’s Hua Fei was also SO GOOD! You can see that behind that mask of power and sass, she’s just a little girl who wants to be loved by the one she loves. So, while writing is very important, I think acting is very important as well. You have to create a good character, with human traits and realistic motives, and also an actor or actress has to be able to play out these traits.

#cdrama #villains #cdrama analysis #ashes of love #heavenly sword and dragon saber #rookie agent rouge #legend of the condor heroes #story of yanxi palace #empresses in the palace

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nadziejastar · 5 years ago

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Let's imagine an alternate universe where Isa/Saix is female, but otherwise she's written exactly the same. How do you think audiences would react differently from the male version? Would she be more popular or less?

I think Saix would have been very popular in a similar way to Larxene. People are longing for female characters that aren’t stereotypically nice and feminine. Saix was cold and sociopathic, and I can see a female version being popular in a similar way to Azula from ATLA. If we were just going by KH2 and Days, I think a female Saix would have been more popular.

BBS, now that’s a bit different. Isa was already a very feminine pretty boy in that game. He is described as shy and only comes out of his shell for Lea. There was nothing creepy about him; he was very cute design-wise. He was sarcastic, so he might have been seen as slightly tomboyish if he had been female. Either way, Isa steps outside the gender stereotype box. I think he/she would have been equally popular either way.

I think really, the main thing Isa needed was a proper backstory and character development to explore his/her friendship with Lea. If he/she received that, then he/she would have been a very popular character. Isa never got that, though. If he had been a girl, I think it would have been FAR more easy for people to see the intended romantic hints between her and Axel/Lea, especially in the novels. I think the only reason people couldn’t see it was because Axel and Saix were both guys.

One of the creators of The Legend of Korra made a comment about watching with a hetero lens. Well, that’s exactly how I feel about Axel and Saix. They were intended to be a gay couple that would kinda slip under the radar due to it being so subtle. But for some reason, Square changed their minds and became terrified of LeaIsa/AkuSai by the time KH3 came out. I definitely think it was more than just Nomura changing his mind on a whim. It was self-censorship. They needed to focus on a girl so they didn’t seem too gay.

I think if Saix were a girl, people would have been a LOT more critical of her relationship with Lea and what it was reduced to in KH3. Saix’s relationship with Axel/Lea was handled in such a dismissive and hands-off way in KH3. Saix, even after he admitted he was jealous, simply grumbled that Lea wouldn’t get it out of him a second time. That was their heart-warming reconciliation. Without a doubt, it came across as extremely homophobic to me. But homophobia is normal in society, so many people didn’t really see the problem. Saix and Axel were just normal dudes being bros. And bros don’t get all touchy-feely with each other, right?

If Saix had been female, people would have been extremely confused about why the story was so quick to resolve her relationship with Lea, and why it was so insistent on focusing on Subject X instead. Why would a female Saix be so obsessed with a girl she barely knew and completely destroy her relationship with Axel over it? On top of that, almost ALL the focus went to the Sea-Salt trio’s reunion. Perhaps that was because that trio was less controversial. There was no potential homoerotic undertones with them. They were deemed as “safe” to depict. LeaIsa? Nope. Too risky.

If Saix had been a girl, I think her bond with Axel would have been given waaaaaay more focus. I definitely don’t think the game would have been so terrified to show their closeness and intimacy, like it was in KH3. That was solely the result of them being two men. KH3 went running and screaming in the opposite direction at the idea of two men expressing that type of intimacy.

Kairi

Kairi, who was a tomboy in KHI, became a little bit more mature in KHII. She changed a lot outwardly since at that age girls grow a lot faster than boys, but her lively personality didn’t fundamentally change. Enough that ‘with Riku and Sora gone, right now Kairi is the strongest person on Destiny Islands’ is an actual premise. I like the scene in KHI, when she watches the sunset with Sora, and tells him not to change. I thought it showed very well her anxiety and loneliness over how as we get older we find a distance growing between us and our close friends. –Nomura

If Isa had been a girl, I think a LOT more people would have been able to notice that her story line was unfinished. One of the main recurring themes in KH is the idea that things change as we grow older. We grow apart from our closest friends.

“Kingdom Hearts is not too realistic, but I do want my players to grasp a sense of reality from it as well,” Nomura said. “For example, I’m sure you had friends when you were young, a good group of friends, but as you grow older things change and it doesn’t always stay the same. I think all I can say is please play to the very end and see what happens. But I think Kingdom Hearts 3 does depict how each character feels about each other in this new storyline.”

This idea was carried on even in KH3. For better or worse, it influenced the ending.

RoxasA lot of thought was put into this character. Based on the premise that he was ‘an expression of the reverse, hidden inside Sora’, I gave him pretty much the exact same face as Sora, just with slightly narrower eyes. And then, I made white the basis for his clothes, in contrast to KHII Sora. The black and white checkered pattern, ‘neither darkness nor light’, was to be a hint. My absolute favourite scene of his has to be the one at the end of the opening of KHII, when he says 'looks like my summer vacation is over’. I put a lot of feeling into creating that, as I intended it to feel, for a moment, like the end.–Nomura

Roxas had the same issue to deal with in KH2. He was growing up and things weren’t going to stay the same between him and his friends. The end of Roxas’s summer vacation was an iconic scene.

This was also one of the main themes of Roxas and Xion’s tragic relationship. When Xion stood up slowly, the shot was extremely similar to the one where Kairi slowly stood up in KH1, with Sora just watching. Then they were watching the sunset and Kairi told him to never change. Xion literally changed—into Sora.

IMO, Roxas and Xion’s romance was a further exploration of Kairi’s relationship with Sora. Only the roles were reversed. Xion was even based on the KH1 tomboyish Kairi. The day Xion disappears is called “Tears” and Roxas cries. Afterwards, that’s when Axel discovers the WINNER stick that Roxas left him.

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don’t feel like it anymore. It’s strange, but I’m content with just missing what’s gone. I’m not the one who changed. You did.

Axel was dealing with the exact same thing. After a while, there was a distance growing between him, Roxas, and Xion. Not to mention the fact that Axel wasn’t growing up. He was already grown, which presented a unique hurdle. And at the same time he was growing apart from Roxas and Xion, he was remembering how Isa had changed. This was something that needed to be resolved. Clearly, this was something that caused Axel a tremendous amount of pain. Did his relationship with Roxas and Xion need to be resolved? Of course it did. But I’d argue that his relationship with Isa caused Lea more pain than any other. Yet, it got comparatively little focus.

“Yeah. As long as we remember one another, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?” Roxas grinned.

A wish that they could always be together—was longing for the impossible. But at least they could always remember one another.

Saix stood up very slowly in their clock tower scene in KH3, like Kairi and Xion did. He also got a WINNER stick, which I’m sure had a lot to did with the backstory of Axel’s tear marks and him being a “crybaby”. All very deliberate. If Saix had been female, I don’t think anyone would have had trouble seeing that Axel was thinking about Saix all the time in Days. He wasn’t just the friendly “dad” of the sea salt trio. He was NOT happy in Days. He was watching Roxas and Xion grow more intimate, and remembering how he and Isa used to be the same way. He was miserable the entire game.

Axel cared about Roxas and Xion, but he didn’t really want to be a dad to them. At least not from what I could see. He wanted to protect them from experiencing the pain that he felt. And he also wanted to relive his lost innocence through them. I think if Saix had been a girl, people would have cared more about her relationship with Axel getting an actual resolution in KH3.

I wanted us to stay together. All I wanted was to hold on to our happiness as a trio in the Organization. But I told myself to grow up and stop wishing for the impossible. Well, I’m done with that. That’s not the answer I want.

If Saix had been a girl, people wouldn’t have treated Axel’s relationship with Roxas and Xion as SO much more important than his relationship with Saix. There would have been no mystery about the origin of his tear marks. They were due to Lea wanting to be together forever with Isa, and crying over thinking that would be impossible. Lea couldn’t bear to lose Isa. If Saix had been a girl, Axel would have been able to cry for her without shame, the way a Roxas was able to cry for Xion.

If Saix had been a girl, I don’t think anyone would have been okay with their relationship suddenly revolving around some random new girl that was never mentioned by either of them before. That wouldn’t be something exciting that players are meant to look forward to. People would have been wondering: what happened to their bond with each other? If Saix had been female, I think waaaaay more people would have been confused about why Axel and Saix weren’t a couple at the end of KH3, the way Roxas/Xion or Sora/Kairi were.

#akusai #leaisa

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otome-writer51 · 5 years ago

Text

A Ninja’s Kin

Hey guys!!!!!! It has been a long time since I’ve posted a story. I’ve been lacking motivation, but I am back with a piece dedicated to the lovely @raisukemerch. I had this amazing woman as my person in the writers/artist exchange in @voltage-vixen Kings of Paradise server. Thank you so much Kristen for organizing this whole entire event. It was so much fun to write something for someone, and getting to understand their favorite character(s). Also for just being the amazing, crazy, kind person you are!!!!!!!!! I might have went a little crazy Bunny, but it was all worth it!!!!! Writing this piece for you helped me develop a closer bond as friends with you, and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. You also got me addicted to SLBP; which I was hesitant to play because I wasn’t a fan of SAC. I will thank you forever for getting me hooked on this game!!!!!! I got to writing and I just couldn’t stop; it’s a bit longer than you were probably expecting, but YOU DESERVE ALL OF IT YOU AMAZING HUMAN!!!!! You are the best merch dealer on the planet, and you have the most amazing chicken!!!!!!!!!!! I know you have already read it in a PDF on the server, but it needs to go here so everyone can see how badass you and your family are, and how cute you and Saizo are of course!!!!!!!! I hope you enjoy it even more here on Tumblr!!!!!! I LOVE YOU BUNNY SO MUCH!!!!!!!! YOU ARE TRULY SAIZO’S LITTLE LADY!!!!!!!

Now onto the many many many thanks I have to give. I want to say thank you to @leoamber66 and @voltage-vixen for helping me get this spot on. I just started playing this game, and didn’t know everything I needed to do Saizo justice. You both helped me with that, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! Also thank you so much Kristen for helping me with Saizo at the ending. You are the only person that has read the original version of the ending, and I am so glad you read it, and gave me feedback. I originally was only going to fix it, but after talking with you I realized it needed a complete overhaul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lastly I want to give SUPER GINORMOUS THANKS TO @the-voltage-diaries(Zela) and @awesomeallseeingeye(Kay)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First off, Zela made this beautiful edit to go with this novel, and it is absolutely amazing!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for the POV banner, it adds a certain magic that it didn’t have before. These two outstanding ladies were with me the most while I was writing this piece. They both edited the whole entire thing to make it perfection!!!!!!!! When one of them went to sleep it was time for the other to wake up; and they helped me so much, even though they did not have to!!!!!!!! This piece would not be the way it is now without the two of you guys!!!!! THANK YOU ZELA AND KAY SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE BOTH OF YOU!!!!!!!!!! I COULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOU!!!!!!!! Also all the laughs we shared typing back and forth on the document will stay with me forever, I will never forget them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go give all these wonderful folks some love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now without further ado I present to you Bunny’s amazing family!!!! (It is in five parts to avoid having over 10,000 words on one post).

“Ha! Haru, you need to square up your shoulders to your target more if you ever want to beat me,” my oldest boy, Takeshi, chided his younger brother on his form. He had him in a compromising position to say the least, until Haru gracefully moved out of his clutches.

“I will beat you, with my shoulders squared or not,” my much younger boy growled at his older brother, knocking heads and giving him a death glare. You would think Haru was going to win this round, with how much anger he spat those words at Takeshi.

‘They get more competitive everyday,’ I giggled to myself, thinking. They were fiercely competitive, just like their father, but perhaps not as competitive as…

“Hi-ya!” Tackling both boys to the ground was my beautiful daughter Sakura. My oldest boy may be an exact copy of his father, but Sakura definitely inherited his sneaky side.

She flung herself down from a tree ending any kind of dispute between the two brothers that was sure to continue if she hadn’t.

“You both need to work on your spatial awareness if you ever want to dream of beating me.” Rising elegantly to her feet, she scolded them with so much sass I couldn’t help but be proud of her. She turned around with a quick whip of her long flowing hair, leaving both of her brothers on the ground, in a heap of grumbling mess.

“I see you have yet to outgrow your love for trees, honey,” I spoke sweetly to my girl.

She looked up at me with those big round eyes and said, “If daddy still likes trees at his age I never have to out grow trees, mommy,” punctuating ‘mommy’ in a way that was unnecessary.

I knew she would never lose her passion for trees, not when Saizo took her up one everyday to read her tales.

She walked over to the veranda in hopes of snuggling my beloved Yogurt until his eyes popped out of his head. “YOGURT!!!” She reached down to pick up the chicken and squeezed him with all her might.

“Cock-a-doodle-doo!!!!” Yogurt exclaimed at the top of his lungs.

I put a hand to my face and let out a laugh. That poor chicken, his eyes were practically bulging out of his head.

With a sigh I was about to tell her to ease up on the love fest when a snarky voice called out, “Well if she ever wanted to truly defeat me she would have outgrown her idiotic delusions that she can turn her back on the enemy.”

Barreling ahead at full speed with his wooden sword above his head, Takeshi closed in on his little sister. Sakura dropped Yogurt in shock, and he hurriedly ran away, cowering under a nearby log.

Sakura tried to defend herself but she was a second too late. Takeshi already had her in his vice grip, his sword resting across her throat. “See? We both knew you could never best me.”

Pursing her pretty pink lips, Sakura desperately tried to escape his hold.

It was a test between siblings. A passion burned in their eyes, much like the way their father’s gleamed when he went into battle.

‘They are for sure his children alright.’

Everything was just the way it should be, except for one little rascal, who was missing from this picture.

“Hey don’t you dare talk to my big sister like that!” Deciding his presence couldn’t be excluded from this party anymore, Haru sped over like a torpedo ready to show his big brother what happens when you mess with his big sister.

This was only meant to be a light training session. Of course it wouldn’t turn out that way though, these were mine and Saizo’s children after all, and it was escalating quickly.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!” Brandishing his own training sword above his head just like his brother did only moments before, Haru lunged at Takeshi. In one swift movement, pushing his sister aside, Takeshi side-stepped Haru’s advances and flipped him over, back onto the ground to join his sister. “Uggggghh,” spread eagle on the ground, Haru moaned in pain. Sakura rubbed her butt, trying to ease the dull ache from her fall.

Proudly sheathing his training sword in his belt, Takeshi walked over to where Yogurt was to sooth the frightened chicken. Getting down on his knees, he held his hand out to him, “Come on, Yogurt, it’s safe to come out. That bad girl can’t hurt you anymore.”

“You see, this is why I like Haru more than you,” Sakura grimaced, gesturing to Haru, who finally was able to sit up after the ordeal he just went through. Now they were both glaring at Takeshi, who had finally managed to get Yogurt to come out of his hiding spot.

‘I think I should intervene before this gets out of control, but they are so adorable I can’t,’ Is all I could think as I watched my three young children bicker back and forth.

“You two are just jealous you are not as awesome as me,” Takeshi puffed out his eleven year old chest proudly, smirking at his younger siblings.

“Okay, okay,” I said, deciding to intervene now, “that is enough, you three. Come, let us go prepare dinner, your father should be finished with his meeting soon,” I ordered, speaking authoritatively to my rambunctious lot.

“Of course, mommy. Can we prepare him dango? Daddy loooooves dango!!!” Sakura pleaded cutely, looking up at me with her puppy-dog eyes, pulling on my robes.

“Is there any other option?” I asked with a knowing smile, taking my daughter’s hand in mine. “Come, you boys, let’s go,” I said, looking at my other two kids, only to realize my words fell on deaf ears, for my boys had their own plans in mind.

Takeshi was still standing triumphantly, petting Yogurt, while Haru was fuming at his obnoxious older brother. “Aren’t older brothers supposed to be people younger brothers look up to? If so, you are the worst older brother ever.” Stomping his little foot, Haru balled his hands up into tiny fists at his sides, giving his brother the look of a predator.

“Oh, stop being a wimp, Haru. You lost fair and square. You just need to face it; I’ve got five years on you and will always be ahead of you,” Takeshi taunted with a smirk, challenging his little brother.

“Takeshi, Haru do not speak to each other that way!” I scolded my children, an undertone of anger in my voice.

But of course, they did not hear me. Instead, Haru leaned down and picked up his weapon again, looking ready to kill. “YOU GET READY! I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW ON THE SAME LEVEL WE ACTUALLY ARE!” Haru shouted, dashing forward at an incredibly fast speed… only to be met with a strong hand holding him in place.

“Are you joking right now? Is that seriously the best you’ve got?” Holding Haru with one hand to his forehand, and Yogurt in the other, it seemed like a walk in the park for my eldest son. Putting Yogurt down, Takeshi ripped Haru’s wooden blade out of his hand.

“Urrrgh. I am so going to get you!” Haru yelled at Takeshi, swinging his arms wildly to try and strike a hit on him, but to no avail.

“You boys!” I said, raising my voice at the ridiculousness of my sons, “STOP IT NOW.” ‘Did things always get like this when Saizo was training them?’ Sighing to myself, I let go of my daughter’s hand and marched right over to them.

“You poor thing. Watch and learn how the real men do it,” said Takeshi, and in the blink of an eye, he let go of Haru and swiped the sword right through his legs, knocking him on his back for the third time that day. “I. TOLD. YOU. Maybe one day you might achieve this level of awesomeness,” laughed Takeshi, holding his brother's sword high in the air, striking a pose. It was in his gloating that he did not realize he left himself so utterly exposed.

Grabbing the sword on his brother's belt, Haru used this golden moment to nail Takeshi. Blindly swinging his weapon upwards, he missed his brother's arm, instead hitting his sword and knocking it over the fence. He stood tall, eyeing his brother and even though he didn’t land a direct hit, anything was better than nothing.

“Haru, you idiot,” muttered the elder, “now the sword is all the way over there.” Grabbing his little brother by the collar, he got dangerously close to his face. Haru was, at this point, sweating, but he wouldn’t dare let Takeshi have the joy of knowing how he made him nervous. Ready to give him a piece of his mind, the elder raised his fist.

“Takeshi. Haru.” I called out, standing right in front of them. They froze at the chilly tone my voice had taken. My boys finally both seemed to notice my presence. Their heads turned in unison to witness the anger apparent on my face. I was seething. ‘Oh, how dare they ignore me.’

They both let go of each other and stood as still as statues, facing me. “Ye-yes, m-m-mother?” they whispered nervously. I could tell they were frightened, for it was one thing for Saizo to get mad, but when they made me mad, they knew just how bad they had really messed up.

With them fidgeting nervously in front of me, I finally had their full attention, so I spoke, “What is the matter with you two? I told you that was enough for today. When I told you to come, you did not come; in fact you ignored me and continued your mindless bickering. I have never seen the two of you act so hostile towards each other. You both wish to become great ninjas, but you will never with the way you are acting. I am very, very deeply disappointed with the both of you. Your father would be very disappointed with you two as well,” I said, shaking my head, “Do you hear me?”

Hanging their heads in shame, they kicked the rocks at their feet, twiddling their thumbs.

They did not answer me, and so I questioned again, louder, “Do you hear me?” The air outside dropped 30 degrees at my icey tone.

“Ye-yes m-mo-mother,” they nervously looked up at me, answering, afraid for their little lives. Any of the bravery they showed before was long gone now.

“You two are to go to bed with no supper after you finish cleaning all this mess up from your so-called ‘training’. I want it to be spotless out here. I want the dirt and grass so clean you can eat off of them.” I barked at them, too angry with them to tolerate any of their bitching, which they so happened to deliver.

Takeshi was the first to speak, “But mom that’s not fair! It is going to take hours to clean all of this up. Not just our training, but everyone else’s too! I hardly th-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, young man.”

He snapped his mouth shut, shrinking back to the same cowering little boy he was moments before.

“Hahaha!” I heard Sakura snickering in the background.

I snapped my head around to her, “Sakura, I kindly advise you to keep your mouth shut as well, unless you wish to aid your brothers in cleaning, with no dinner.” Her big beautiful eyes went as wide as saucers. She quickly shut her mouth, her eyes suddenly seeming to find the floor of the veranda very charming.

Letting out a frustrated groan, I turned back to my boys. “Haru, go get that sword you knocked over the fence, now. Take the long way around as well. It will give you time to think about what you have done,” I spat at my baby, who had tears forming in the corners of his eyes. At this point, I just wanted to hug him and wipe those tears away, but now was not the time.

“Hahaha,” now Takeshi was the one snickering.

Glaring, I doubled down on his punishment, “You better have half of this courtyard spotless by the time he gets back, boy.”

“But-! Mom, I can’t poss-” He groaned to me, but I cut him off with a tone that demanded no response, and a glare that had the potential to pierce one’s soul.

“TAKESHI.” He bit back his words letting a small, ‘Yes, mother,’ before he dashed off to start cleaning. I turned to Haru, “What are you waiting for? Go get that sword before the sun goes down.” With that, he scampered off, not because he wanted to make it back before sunset, but because he didn’t wish for me to see his tears.

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

#love 365 find your story #love 365 #samurai love ballad party #SLBP #slbp saizo #slbp yukimura #slbp fanfic #fanfic #family au #fluff #saizo fluff #badass chicken #badass wife #badass mom #adorable kids #sexy ninja #YOU ARE A QUEEN AND YOU DESERVE THE WORLD BUNNY

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natsunoomoi · 4 years ago

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More SVSSS stuff because I just watched ep 5. I’m not in a position at the moment to pay for the VIP pass and plus it’s like one show that I’d be paying for, so eh. I think I can wait.

The highlight for me is definitely always just looking at Shen Qingqiu’s face. I really like how he looks. Like when they show grown Luo Binghe he looks nice too, but it’s not that often. When Liu Qingge comes out of the cave I’ll probably enjoy the eye candy for every episode thereafter. I’m not normally really like this, so I think the aesthetics of this show just touch on something very comfortable deep in the recesses of my memory of some kung fu movie I watched with my Dad as a young child that imprinted on me so I have a very specific weakness for men with that kind of a look.

I also have a very specific weakness for villain characters that have a kind of redemption or a complicated past with some inklings of maybe they could be redeemed even if overall they were kind of a dick for at least a portion of their lives. This is my Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho weakness that almost universally applies to almost all my interests in life. I think the idea that Shen Jiu set his owner’s house on fire and killed them all except for his friend relates rather strongly to that because that is the thing that Hiei ulitimately decided not to do, but was the thing the Koorime in Hyouka no Kuni feared. Except Shen Jiu acted on it.

But like Shen Jiu supposedly could have been saved if the original’s author was a better writer and wasn’t writing a bullshit stallion novel. Like the fact that he saved Haitang is a compelling example of how his heart wasn’t completely cold. Of course she was his fiancee and people kind of are iffy about if they really were, but like they probably were between each other. Even if he was a slave, she lived in his house and she was his friend and they talk to each other. Naturally if you get along with each other really well, maybe as kids you just say, “When I grow up, I want to marry you.” Then because they’re friends and they like each other, they agree and they plan it that way. Just between them. Nothing to do with her family or the reality of the situation. Just two cute kids making a promise innocently. But like with that backdrop, it’s kind of understandable that he would save her from his slaughter and the fire that he set to destroy her family house. The interesting thing is that he never once in his entire time living there or even in the aftermath tried to tell her what her family was really like and what they did to him. He left her to hate him for what he did and assume that her family was innocent and the attack was unprovoked. He didn’t do anything to destroy her image of her loved ones.

It’s really sad how strong his mistrust for other men is, but that’s trauma too. We’re not really given specifics of how exactly he lived as a slave. We know that he was the 9th one bought, but he likely slept in close quarters with other slaves because it’s not like a noble family would give a whole lot to their slaves and amenities were probably sparse. For very different reasons, the disciple quarters even on Qing Jing Peak are probably similar. Sparse to focus on training and cultivation and close because of the number of disciples and just the overall situation. Even if the quarters had relatively more space than his slave quarters, that does sound too similar for it to be a huge trauma trigger for him on top of being surrounded by mostly other males. Self-isolation as a result of the trauma and hyper focusing on just his cultivation as a means to survive and get by day by day and create the foundation for his entire identity and basically it’s definitely the set up for disaster and all of Shen Jiu’s problems socially that lead him to being the main villain for the original story. It’s very sad. If only Yue Qingyuan tried to actually talk with him more instead of apologizing. I know he probably figured ultimately his excuse doesn’t matter, and it doesn’t, but Shen Jiu really needed help and to feel like his whole world wasn’t cold. Just knowing that he was in his friend’s thoughts and he tried to come back maybe could have eased his suffering even a little and start to build up a new level of trust again for him in particular but even for men in general. It’s sad as well that no mentors in his time there as a disciple ever like kind of noticed and tried to like just talk to him. I know he keeps his cards close and probably didn’t show outwardly he was struggling, but like how come no one asked how come he was spending so much time at the Warm Red Pavilion with women? That’s strange right? No one was concerned? I mean, like even if ultimately you say, it’s up to you if you want to keep going and that’s your business, still maybe ask and be like, “Hey, so I notice you’re not sleeping along with the other disciples and spend every night with the ladies over there? Uh, what’s up?” I think like for his teachers that might have been an important thing they should have done, but no one did? That seems like a big plothole to me that he was allowed to just continue like that with no one asking even once or showing concern that the top disciple of Qing Jing Peak was not socializing with the other disciples or sleeping in the same quarters as them. I’m surprised even not one of the ladies in the Pavilion even asked why he was there every night. I mean, I’m sure they wouldn’t want to shoo a way a client, but like no one asked even like one time? I understand from the meta point of view that plothole is probably there on purpose to show how the original’s author was a dumpster fire to create a horrible world of super toxic masculinity as an ouroboros eating itself, but jfc I really feel bad for Shen Jiu that he was made to feel such suffering as a result of absolutely shit writing just to make him an enemy for Demon Binghe.

Oh and he just had a shit first cultivation master too. What the hell with the horrible luck. This poor kid is just trying to survive and he just gets a raw deal.

But I suppose that’s also like a masterful backstory on MXTX’s part to make us root for Shen Yuan’s rewrite and create a happy life for “Qingqiu” that he wasn’t able to make himself. He did it initially for his own self-interest, but the Qingqiu everyone knows in the end is much more well-adjusted. I’m still sad though that it feels like that means original Shen Jiu still left that world with Shen Yuan replacing him only knowing sadness.

So then I was poking around the tags on here and saw someone had a theory that original Shen Jiu got punted from his timeline and turning into Shen Yuan who knows the whole story and then dies and gets put into his old body. I actually buy this, but my version of the timeline is different. Like I was thinking Shen Jiu-Qingqiu died as a human stick under all the torture and everything and then became reborn as Shen Yuan reading through his whole life and mistakes through a horribly written story and then dying via food poisoning and brought into his own old life with a chance to redeem himself. I really like this idea except that Shen Jiu seems really, really straight and Shen Yuan may be a bit more fluid.

But all this to say, that I have an itch in a confluence of all of my weaknesses to want to really comfort Shen Jiu. ;o; There’s a small part of me that while enjoying Shen Yuan’s rewrites, also really wished Shen Jiu could have been happier so he didn’t turn into such a dick because literally no one else around him seemed to do anything except let him fuck himself over including the people who supposedly cared about him. So very sad. T_T

And then maybe this should be in a different post that’s a different topic. I kind of touched on a bit how the image of the situation probably doesn’t look great, but it looks like some people are like bashing on the Bingqiu ship? It’s the canon ship for one, so just stop there.

But if you really want to go into it, as another person pointed out, the actual teacher-student relationship was between original Qingqiu and Binghe. We’re reading a different situation because it’s Shen Yuan who was a Binghe fanboy who has the relationship with Binghe. The imaging isn’t great because he’s in and controlling Qingqiu’s body, and the rest of the characters in the world don’t know this, but the meta reading of this is that it’s okay because it’s a different person actually. In world, the other characters do probably find it a little odd and the issue with Qingge in the succubus cave as I mentioned before, he’s probably panicking when the succubus mentions that Qingqiiu’s love interest is a junior because he can only think of himself as that role and didn’t think to include a disciple into that description. It doesn’t seem like it’s completely unheard of or taboo though because there seems to be some implications that maybe Shen Jiu originally had some kind of designs on Ning Yingying because he’s also a bit jealous of Binghe for getting her attention too? A large part of his jealousy comes from his insecurity with his cultivation and other people having more advantage or potential to surpass him despite his hard work, because again trauma and hyper focusing on building his entire identity around one thing and no one helping him, but like also seems in this world there’s some leeway between teacher-student relations turning into something else. This is not really a normal kind of situation where they go into a modern school or anything. A lot of the disciples were probably at one point also juniors to their master before they graduated to become a lord, and when they grow enough to end their disciple term and can become more independent cultivators they’re not really obligated to stick by such a standard because they’re adults. Like maybe they hang around the sect still and work as like someone they happen to send out on demon slaying missions if they choose to stay instead of going off somewhere and it functions a bit more like an army in that regard where they’re not really learning anything new or getting any new instruction, but they’re still kind of a disciple. It’s not a perfect 1:1 relation to teacher-student relationships because of the structure of cultivation sects. It’s not great in the army to have a relationship with your CO either, but the point in the story when their relationship develops is more like that. But like Mingfan probably eventually would go back to his family and just live out a noble life because he is a noble, so it’s not like all the disciples would stay and perpetually be students forever. There’s some very important distinctions at play here in the story that the people who object to this aren’t understanding.

Like this isn’t like an actual school like in Harry Potter or something where the kids all go off to Hogwarts and there are actual students and teachers and every Peak is like a Hogwarts House. They’re learning and the peak lord gives them some level of instruction, but there’s also a great deal of independent study because cultivation is very personal and bound by natural talent and how much you put into it. The fact that everyone has their own manual should tell you a lot about the structure and how it’s okay for Qingqiu to leave for 3 years to go meditate in a cave. The masters in these situations are more like more well studied seniors who just have more experience and have been appointed to help you get unstuck or something because they have more experience to troubleshoot. There’s some authority carried with that as well, but it’s a very different experience from like a boarding school, so such a relationship is not entirely taboo. It’s not perfect because if you’re still trying to play the old roles at the same as your new role as a partnership that can get kind of weird, but it can work out if there’s communication involved as with generally all things.

So yeah, Bingqiu is actually okay, and rather than harping on something that’s not an issue, I think the more interesting discussion is how obligated a person is to be faithful to a different person’s life if they end up in their body. Like for body swap movies where the change is temporary they’re always like “Hey, don’t f up my life!” But like this is a permanent change where Shen Yuan was inserted into Qingqiu’s life after he was already established. What is the philosophical theory to how much he should keep up Qingqiu’s responsibilities and how much freedom should he exert for his own desires? That’s the real question. I think the balance he struck became ultimately more happy for everyone in the sect, so eh.

I realize a lot of this is not related to the episode, but the episode is just a continuation of the sparring match and nothing much else to say about it. The most interesting thing is getting to see a flashback of the original Qingqiu and getting a better idea of who he was like instead of the Shen Yuan version we know.

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gayregis · 4 years ago

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Hi, just wanted to ask, how did you get into the witcher franchise (did you read the books before you played the games or vice versa?). Love your blog, byeeee :)

ty for the ask!! i hope you dont mind if i go too in-depth because i was legit thinking about this earlier today...

tldr: i played tw3 and liked it, then read the books

i got into the witcher because one of my favorite gaming youtubers was doing a playthrough of tw3 on youtube in around i think september 2017. i liked this specific gaming youtuber for being shit at games and not caring about it... but tw3 was a different game. it felt like the decisions mattered, that there was an actual story here, that when this youtuber made shitty decisions and didn’t really care about the characters involved, i got frustrated because this game seemed really good... so i picked up the game myself and played it though, it was magnificent. not to r/witcher “the witcher 3 is literally the best game created in this history of ever” but it was sincerely good... not only does it have a great story, characters, and graphics, but it is genuinely comfortable to play as a game, even if you’re not great at games (i like playing video games but i’m not good at them when it comes to combat, i literally just would prefer to hack and slash through). so, i played through tw3 and the fact that it made me cry multiple times i found to be really interesting... but it was still just a game to me, it wasn’t something i thought about when i have time to daydream headcanons. i had read i think the witcher (short story) halfway through playing, just to get a feel of what tw3 came from, but from that, i realized the books and the games were incredibly different entitities, and i decided to not read the books until i had finished the game, or at least until i had more free time on my hands (mind i was in high school and was a senior, and during this time was when i was submitting college applications... exceptionally stressful, and the reading/writing part of my brain was absolutely fried from essay writing and reviewing). i was particularly struck by geralt and ciri’s relationship and the isle of mists quests fucked me up pretty bad.

then around later 2017, i was really enjoying tw3, and had finished tw3′s base game and hearts of stone, and was now making my way into blood & wine. i was just playing it like normal, then came the part when geralt met regis. at first i wasn’t too interested (i mean, i was, but in the story of blood & wine, not in the books) until the little journal text pop-up appeared on my screen. you know, the one about quests you just received, or characters you just met. it was going through the motions of saying i finished this quest, picked up this new one, i was all like fine, fine, okay, alright, and then it just fucking puts regis’ long-ass name on the screen taking up a good amount of my FOV and i am immediately like, what? what the fuck? who the fuck? that’s the name? of the guy we just met? that guy??? he didn’t seem like someone with a name like that? who the fuck IS this guy.

so i head over to the wiki page for regis. i thumb through the basic information, i’m pretty interested, this quest stuff to find ciri sounds interesting. i decide to give the witcher books another try, because i have more free time now and am way more invested as everyone here as characters. also, i want to find out more about yennefer, because she was being badmouthed by everyone i saw online, and i wanted to read more about her and see if she was really so bad (spoilers: she’s not at all, the internet is just misogynistic).

i don’t think that i’m going to actually really care about these books, i just want more flavor and explanation about how in hell a witcher met a vampire and these two somehow became friends. so, i don’t care about reading them in order. i go online and find fan translations of every book, i open baptism of fire and i just start reading the bit about the fish soup. i’m suddenly just laughing my ass off, really interested in who these other characters are, milva and cahir, and how dandelion seems to actually be the best friend to geralt that he was said to be in tw3. i also notice immediately that geralt... oh my god, geralt’s such a cranky bitch. i’m SHOCKED at how annoying geralt is. i realize that this is probably what geralt’s been like, this whole time, and tw3 just gave me a sterilized version of him. i’m trying to decide if i like this change or not, at first i HATED it... but then realized it actually gave him a character, where in tw3 he feels a little more... empty, waiting for the player to project a personality onto him.

so, i just read all of the hansa bits of baptism of fire, skipping over anything i don’t understand. i am saddened when i can’t find any more, so i move onto tower of the swallow. and then lady of the lake. “oh, so that’s why geralt was surprised to see regis in blood & wine...” feeling at a loss after reading stygga, i start at the beginning and make my way through the books chronologically, like they should be read. i soon realize that this series really isn’t about killing monsters at all, and i’m thrilled. i thought the series was just going to be about geralt killing things in a swamp and reporting back to whoever hired him, like in tw3... and i was wrong. this series is about personal connections! relationships! ... and fatherhood. [see read more for personal junk]

i can’t remember when i started disliking tw3. it must have been around the time that i finished the books (im using the word finished loosely... i still havent finished some scenes because theyre too violent to read and continue with my day in peace, and i also read tos/lotl by skipping around, so i never got the full experience of reading them as full novels).

i just distinctly remember returning to my tw3 new game+ save after rereading the fish soup scene, and thinking about how lonely the game felt... i just felt so dispairingly alone, this loneliness that i hadn’t felt while playing before, that i had to put the game down. i returned to the game again, but i had just reread edge of the world... and i felt so alone again.

so reading the books ruined tw3 for me, not out of malicious intent, but just because i think i realized geralt isn’t meant to be the lone wolf. the novels center around him and his family and friends, and i just genuinely missed that when replaying tw3. plus, i began to realize a bunch of things, like ciri’s scar is supposed to be bigger, geralt’s supposed to wear his hair in a headband, yennefer’s hair is actually curly, dandelion’s supposed to actually be in the game. there were so many inconsistencies with the characters i had imagined while reading the books that eventually i just stopped playing tw3 (i already played it once, so nbd) and got really into the books.

sometime later i saved up like $80 to buy the paperback versions of the books (UK versions including season of storms) because i knew i was in really deep lol and i wanted the official translations super badly, also we were doing an assignment in class that allowed us to do something with our favorite book, but we needed to have it in-person and not as an e-book, so it was the perfect excuse. much time spent on hansa headcanons later and... here we are today.

a read-more, because this is more personal.

the witcher series picked me up at an eerily appropriate time. two things in it stood out to me: 1) geralt’s relationship with ciri 2) regis’s alcoholism.

i distinctly remember an event where i started crying in front of my parents because my dad was being so absent in my life or maybe it was because they were arguing, something like this... and i remember referencing tw3 isle of mists quest actually by saying “i shouldn’t have to learn it (good parenting) from a video game” ... lol. it wasn’t an epic burn from a 17 yo, but it was just a painful remark made in anger. i still think back to it because of how first watching geralt hug ciri made me feel and how i was actually really bitter because i was jealous of ciri for about a week after completing the quest. then i kind of pushed it out of my mind and didn’t think so much about it, until the night i mentioned it.

in late march of 2018, something very bad happened in my family. that’s probably the best way to describe it. the situation ended in my parents finally separating. my mom and i were pretty afraid and lost after that. after i had collected my thoughts and everything and went back to as “normal” as i could, about a month later, when the creative part of my brain finally began to function again and wasn’t inhibited due to fear, i clung to the witcher more than i did before... and this time, actually particularly to regis, because guess who has a whole redemption arc relating to not being alcoholic and being a genuinely good person who speaks gently and heals the vulnerable?

#anon #ask

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kinetic-elaboration · 4 years ago

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June 22: 1x03 Where No Man Has Gone Before

Today, the second pilot, aka Kirk fights his ex-boyfriend, the superhuman space mutant.

Whaaaaat TV screen by the chess set? That’s such a funny transition for me for some reason.

Spock thinks he can win lol. I love that he’s sassy from the start. And throwing shade at Sarek, which is how I choose to interpret “my ancestor married a human woman” when he very well knows it’s his dad.

“Materializer.”

For a moment, I thought Spock was of a lower rank but then I realized the pilot uniforms only showed three different ranks so who even knows.

I’m barely even paying attention to the plot, I’m too distracted by the outfits and the banter.

Are you certain you don’t know what irritation is, Mr. Spock????? Are you SURE?

THIS ELEVATOR SCENE IS STILL MY FAVORITE IN THE WHOLE SERIES. Kirk is so obviously in love with Spock already, like just the way he looks at him??? And Gary is bitter. Did you finish your GAME GUYS? How was the GAME?? You like that CHESS?

Lol at Kirk’s microphone. I love how different the pilot is and how much more obvious the differences are because it’s sci fi. (Their screen/windshield is also hilarious for some reason? It looks very fake.)

Sulu is head of astrophysics?? Really got a demotion there. This needs to be a thing in fic though, somehow.

Kirk is so brave. Gonna explore this weird space thing to save future space travelers.

New drinking game: take a shot every time there’s a random shot of Kirk looking beautiful.

My mother asked if Gary was hoping he could hold Kirk’s hand when the alien force field attacks and I said yes. Dig it in there Mr. Kirk.

Kirk and Spock flying the ship.

Sulu looking gorgeous.

Some gratuitous k/s arm grabbing.

Love how they show the ship has no warp by having it move really slowly across the screen. But actually--completely underrated problem that I forgot about it what with the whole Gary God Complex thing--if you have no warp capabilities you are stranded for real.

It took me a suuuuuper long time to figure out why most esper people died and two became supermutants. The force field targeted the most susceptible but was too much for most of them.

Also I love how the force field was just literally never explained. It just is. Nor was it explained that that other ship was, which Kirk seemed to think shouldn’t have been in deep space in the first place.

I can’t believe Dehner is telling a literal alien “this is how this thing is and there’s only one version of the thing and these are the limits.” Like??? He has all sorts of abilities you don’t know about? Why do you assume that things as they have been observed on Earth are the only way things can be, especially outside Earth? When you are talking to someone whose very existence would be impossible by your measure?

Looking at medbay, can’t help but feel that McCoy really spruced up the joint.

Gary rearranging himself just so for Jim’s entrance.

I legitimately don’t know what “this long hair stuff you like” is. I was born in 1988 so, that’s my excuse.

A STACK OF BOOKS WITH LEGS

IN LT. KIRK’S CLASS YOU THINK OR SINK.

Kirk is giving Gary those “I love you” eyes. They’re exes. Clearly.

I mean “I outlined her whole campaign for her”? First, putting unnecessary characters into a story because the short version is homosexual is ITSELF homosexual and second--that’s very gay on its face.

Kirk is clearly trying to be the Cool Ex (and, uh, boss) and Gary’s still bitter. “Friend Captain.”

No privacy on the Enterprise I see.

“The one you used to know,” Spock says, clearly jealous.

Love poem from 1996--so ancient.

Imo Spock is glad for this opportunity to shade Gary Mitchell openly. Finally, I can tell Jim my real thoughts: we should kill him.

Dr. Dehner is awfully enamored of this whole “new kind of human” thing given that she must have some knowledge of Earth history, including, you know, the horrifically deadly WWIII fought over exactly this idea but w/e.

Sulu bringing the math.

Spock saying “Jim” again. He definitely actually does this a lot? Maybe later he pulls himself back on purpose on account of Too Many Feelings.

D E L T A V E G A .

Forgot they poached that name. Should have kept it a mining planet. I wonder if it is supposed to be the same place and if Ambassador Spock was thinking about Gary while he was there.

“You’re talking about Gary!” This Kirk and Spock scene is really good too. Just about as good as the elevator scene. I literally cannot read this through anything other than the “ex and future boyfriend” lens and it makes it so much better. (Not that it’s not a good story on its face because it is. But just like the additional layers??)

“Our task: maroon my ex-boyfriend on this abandoned planet.” They’ve known each other 15 years.

Kirk and Spock taking Gary down.

That is 100% a drawing taken from the cover of a 50s sci fi novel.

Spock is so ridiculously, comically armed. Pacifist who? They keep on saying he doesn’t have feelings and yet ALL I see are feelings. Arming himself to the teeth for Jim. Clearly bitter about Jim’s feelings for Gary. Ready to thrown down all the time.

RIP Kelso. Good thing he got that commendation.

“Command and compassion is a fool’s mixture.”

“Don’t wake up Spock until I’m gone or he’ll follow me.” True.

Just Jim and his ridiculous weapon now, off to ruin Gary’s date.

Kirk and Spock would love all these flowers.

“You were a psychiatrist once--ten minutes ago.”

“Did you hear him joke about compassion?” I know the powers corrupted Gary but...did they do all the corrupting? Or did they just allow him to say some stuff he really means?

That “phaser rifle” looks like a supersoaker. (Mom: it probably is.)

Gary claims to know Jim so well but he doesn’t even know his middle name.

He’s so dramatic. SO DRAMATIC. Calling Jim “James” all the time; clearly his personal name for him when they were together. Whereas Jim continues to call him by his last name, which is funny.

And then Spock sees Jim is about to get sad and makes sure to come right over. “I felt for him too,” he admits, reluctantly.

It’s weird how much more dated this ep looks imo. Like I strongly maintain that even on the basis of style TOS ages very well (better than TNG which is 90s to the hilt), but this one looked very...50s/60s sci fi. Not in a bad way, just in a very obvious way. I feel like even the Enterprise looks a lot different after the pilot, in ways I can’t really explain or describe or pinpoint. It’s just subtly.... more unique. More real.

Mom and I were discussing where this fits in the timeline. She thinks early 5 year mission, which is what I’ve always assumed...but I’m bothered by how 99% of the crew is different. So now I’m thinking, like, pre-5 year mission? Maybe like a short mission? This is Kirk’s first command, maybe they sent him out for like a year first. It doesn’t explain how Gary and Spock have “worked together for years” but Dehner could have been wrong about that, or she could have meant they both have 15 years + in Starfleet.

The AOSverse should have rebooted Mitchell instead of Khan and that’s all I’m saying about that but it’s true.

I have always assumed Gary is First Officer in this ep but I don’t remember it actually being mentioned and now I’m wondering if we’ve all just collectively made that up.

Next up is the absolute classic The Naked Time. Maybe I’ll find an opportunity to watch it in less than a week’s time?

#star trek tos #the year 2020 #2020: fandom thoughts #2020: star trek

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imagine-organization-xiii · 6 years ago

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Org XIII Members as Yanderes

Suggested by: Anon. I did research for this one, guys, because I’m not very familiar with the Yandere style. For another good post - that is a lot better than this one - about Org members as Yandere’s, click here. To find where I got my information, click here.

Don’t know what a Yandere is? Here’s a definition: “yandere is a portmanteau of two Japanese words, yanderu (to be sick) and deredere (strongly and deeply lovestruck.) Someone who is sweet and kind at first glance but will become violent and possessive when it comes to their love.”

Be warned. This one gets violent in some places. Also, the behaviors and attitudes listed below are toxic, so if you have a significant other who displays any of these traits, please do what you can to safely leave the situation.

Xemnas

Type: Sadistic

Arguably the worst of the yandere types, Xemnas and sadistic yandere’s have a strong desire to break you. To tear you apart until you’re nothing more than an empty shell of what you once were, and now he can change and mold you to be whatever he wants you to be. In his eyes, you are pure and perfect, so he is utterly fascinated with the idea of corrupting you.

Physical pain is one thing that Xemnas thrives on. Causing physical harm is one of the only ways that he feels he can show affection. Grabbing you a little too harshly by the arm, grabbing your chin with his hand to force you to look at him, pushing you onto the bed or onto a chair and forcibly ripping off your clothes when he wants to have sex with you? All things that Xemnas does.

However, mental and emotional pain is something that he is seriously good at causing. Whether it’s harming or hurting your family and friends, manipulating you into hurting them yourself, and causing you to just be completely mentally torn about your feelings for him and his actions. Xemnas pretty much lives to torture you.

Xigbar

Type: Manipulative

Xigbar’s natural personality is mischievous and dangerous, which makes his manipulation of you all the more powerful. He’s naturally an enticing guy and lures you in with his bad boy persona and before you know it you’re spiraling down a rabbit hole of possession and manipulation.

Makes you feel like you’re completely and utterly dependent on him so when he wants sex and you don’t, you feel like you have to satisfy him otherwise he might leave you. Then where would you be? Alone and lonely and with no one to help you?

Before you actually got together and he realized that you had some attraction for him, he would definitely do anything in his power to make you jealous. He won’t be satisfied until all of your thoughts are of him and no one else.

Xaldin

Type: Overprotective

Xaldin is like a silent guardian for you, following you around and standing behind you with his arms crossed, intimidating anyone that you speak to. It gets to be so overwhelming sometimes that you want him to back off, but be careful when you tell him that because he’ll scowl and frown and claim that you aren’t taking your own safety seriously.

In general, he’s happy just being by your side. He likes spending time in your company and doesn’t like being away from you. However, if he feels at any moment that you’re in harm’s way, you won’t even be able to imagine what he’ll be capable of. Will definitely attack or even kill anyone who bothers to lay a hand on you.

He loves having you depend on him at certain moments because he feels as though you can’t protect yourself. He almost treats you like a child at moments and uses your imagined weakness as an excuse to never be away from you.

Vexen

Type: Stalker

Vexen is usually so busy with doing whatever it is that he does on a daily basis that he has a hard time balancing his work with his feelings for you. Doesn’t get a chance to romance you like he actually wants, so he definitely turns to some stalker tendencies. The worst he’ll ever get is that he literally has a camera in places that you frequent, including your bedroom. It’s the only way he knows that he can keep an eye on you - protect you - while still being able to work.

Watches from the sidelines and continuously admires you from afar, very much on the line of ‘creepy.’ Definitely capable of killing for his S/O whether she knows it or not.

Lexaeus

Type: Overprotective

The two of you were always very close and neither of you can really pinpoint the moment when your relationship went from being protective to overprotective. It was almost a natural transition, so slow and gradual that you barely noticed it. Even Lexaeus doesn’t believe he’s being overprotective because he doesn’t think that he’s going to far with watching over you. Your safety isn’t debatable.

Lexaeus is quiet and dangerous as he watches over you, sometimes taking your safety a little too seriously. You don’t dare call him on it though, in fear of what he might do.

In the end, he makes you feel so paranoid that every single thing in the world might be a danger to you, so you pretty much cease to be your own person. He uses it as an excuse to keep you by his side at all times.

Zexion

Type: Obsessive

Kind of similar to the stalker type. The only difference is that Zexion does make contact with you more often than not and communicates with you as though you are less than intelligent - as if you need to be protected and preserved and kept away from any dangers in the world that might tarnish you.

He’s usually very much a sweetheart on the outside, but there’s something about him - about the way he watches you - that makes you uneasy. It’s almost as though you’re one of his well worn novels that he wishes to put on a bookshelf and keep, to only flip through when he wants to reminisce.

Saix

Type: Possessive

Yandere’s who are the possessive type would like to physically own their love interest, and Saix is no different with you. Like all of the yandere types, the possessive type goes hand in hand with both the obsessive and the stalker. Saix wants to keep you safe and protected, like you’re a favorite knick knack or doll that needs to be kept in confinement.

Really at the extreme part of the spectrum. Saix is extremely good with words and will definitely convince you that you are better off with him and only him. He’ll try to tell you that the friends you have are bad for you and how you shouldn’t go outside because you might get hurt.

Will definitely use force to get what he wants. If you ever try to leave, be prepared to be dragged back by your hair.

Axel

Type: Manipulative

“You don’t want your friends to get hurt, do you? I mean, you can barely take care of yourself. I can’t imagine what kind of burden you must be on them.“ Will definitely manipulate you into thinking you can’t live without him. Controlling you is Axel’s main goal. One main issue with this type of yandere is that many people are already involved with or having feelings for the manipulative person, which makes it much easier to manipulate them! Axel uses your own feelings and love for him to his advantage, making you think that he knows best for you.

“I can’t live without you,“ is not the compliment you once thought. It’s a snare to keep you with him. Makes it so that you feel as though you have to stay to protect him, and by the time you’ve given up everything for him, he turns on you and makes it so that you want to monopolize him as much as he wants to keep you.

Demyx

Type: Possessive

Demyx’s playful demeanor hides a possessive monster. Goes insane when anyone tries to touch or make eye contact with you because he sees you as property and not a person. Will definitely try to separate you from friends and families under the guise of keeping you safe. He’s so casual about it that you can’t help but believe him, and the next thing you know, you’re locked in his room, cut off from society.

Restrained in public, rough and almost violent in private. Wants you to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, and act a certain way. All ways that would suit him. If you act out or do something he doesn’t like, he’ll make it known and you’ll definitely be punished for it.

Luxord

Type: Obsessive

Like other obsessive Yandere types, Luxord doesn’t see you as a person. More often than not, he sees you as a piece of artwork that should be admired and praised. He sometimes wishes that he could pose you like a mannequin in his room forever just so he can admire your exquisite beauty for all eternity.

Luxord manages to keep his yandere tendencies to himself. His mischievous, kind demeanor masks a person who is possessive and controlling. Once Luxord has you in his clutches, chances are that you will not be able to escape again.

Marluxia

Type: Stalker

On the opposing side of the clingy version of the yandere spectrum, stalker type yandere’s usually never have much of a chance to win their love’s affection. Marluxia is so busy with his organization duties, as well as taking care of his plants, etc., that he rarely gets to spend as much time with you as he’d like.

Leaves big bouquets of flowers outside of your door all the time with little love notes saying how much he cares for you and wants to be with you.

Will definitely sabotage any relationship you have with anyone else, especially if that relationship happens to be romantic.

Larxene

Type: Sadistic

Borderline manipulative, Larxene is almost a black widow spider in the way she entices you and manipulates you into her tight clutches and breaks you down until you are nothing like you were before. Fixated on changing you into what she sees as perfect. To her, you’re already pure, but not in the correct way. You’re perfect, but not perfect for her.

As is right with the main definition of sadism - deriving pleasure from the pain of others - Larxene thrives on seeing you in mental and emotional pain. Physical pain is another thing entirely. Slapping you around a bit really gets her going.

Roxas

Type: Clingy

When I say clingy, I mean clingy. Clingy goes hand in hand with the stalker type, when the person feels as if they simply cannot function properly without you. Roxas has serious abandonment issues, so more often than not you’ll find him at your side, holding onto your hand, asking to hang around you. You aren’t even sure if he realizes that he’s doing it sometimes.

The most childish out of most of the organization members. Roxas needs to be near you or he doesn’t feel right. He almost seems normal most of the time because he just wants to spend time with you, but beware - if someone ever tries to monopolize your time, he will most definitely get possessive, defensive, and dangerous.

Xion

Type: Clingy

More on the childish spectrum of the clingy yandere type. Almost acting like a child, Xion needs attention or she will pout and throw what could definitely be compared to a tantrum. Usually just fine with being at your side as you do your own day to day activities, but be warned if you ever try to make a bit of space toward you.

Gets serious separation anxiety when away from you, which means that her clingy attitude will definitely get worse as time goes on. This means that she needs to be by your side almost constantly and gets fidgety when you’re out of her sight.

#organization xiii #organization xiii headcanons #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts headcanons #yandere

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