#i was scared to do this in case i get writers block or it puts pressure on me to get these out but screw it yay

[mapofthemazeinthemirror]

One-shot series banners reveal!

Sci-fi/fantasy one shots inspired by one of my favourite book series. I started working on this series in February and the first instalment is pretty much ready, I just got distracted writing other things 🫣

This is probably not the order they’ll be posted in, except Bound, which will be first.

[alexiapp]

Next Step With You

Alexia Putellas x Reader

Summary: You and Alexia finally have the talk about Kids…

Note: I’ve been gone for so fucking long because of how insanely busy i’ve been but, i’m totally hoping on posting constantly and not keeping empty promises 😭..i’ve had an insane amount of writers block also so keep that in mind!! This isn’t my best work but it’ll have to do !

You never thought that you would be in love. You thought you were unlovable or maybe incapable of finding your ‘true one’. You presumed that maybe it was your strong personality or your high standards that caused these problems. You always had trouble with relationships, and had a couple horror stories when it came to your past love life. You always that you were the problem, until you met Alexia. She made you feel something that you never thought you would be able to experience. You felt giddy inside, and content. There wasn’t a dull moment between her and I.

Alexia was charming, and very charismatic and she also has a strong personality which drew you into her. Recently you guys have been entering a new chapter of your relationship. This year would be marking the 4th year you have been together. You couldn’t see your life without Alexia, it just wouldn’t feel right. You wanted to bring new milestones to you guys relationship. Everything you envision had Alexia in it.

You wanted to add an addition to you guys relationship badly..You wanted to build a family between the two of you. You only started feeling this way until you saw how attentive Alexia was towards kids, it always made you wonder how she’d be if you guys had kids. You knew deep down in your heart that Alexia would be an amazing mother, but you didn’t know if Alexia wanted to take that next step with you or if she was even ready. It’s something you’ve been hesitant to bring up, these loud thoughts always stayed in the back of your mind. You don’t wanna scare her away..imagine how crazy you’d looked if she didn’t feel the same way..i mean what if she thought you were a total nut case. This steered you away from Alexia, making you kind of cold and distance.

This situation made you second guess a lot of things. You took an immature approach, usually the average person would talk it out with there significant other in an healthy manner, but you being you, were quite stubborn and decided to isolate yourself. You started declining her offers to go out when she put the idea out there. You guys once long text messages turned into short and brief on your end no matter how hard the poor woman tried to carry the conversation.

You assumed Alexia didn’t notice how cold you’ve been ..Oh boy were you wrong. She was was in deep stress her mind was constantly racing wondering what she could’ve possibly done wrong. Trying to remember moments where she could’ve possibly said the wrong thing that might’ve hurt or offended you in any way. She was determined to get to the bottom of this and handle it quickly, she genuinely couldn’t take not having you around any longer.

After settling down and drowning in her thoughts she decided the only way to get your attention is by catching you at in unexpected moment. She decided she’d venture to your apartment without giving you any head’s up. She didn’t want you to find another excuse to brush her off and ignore her, she wanted to talk to you and get you back. She was determined and ready to do whatever it takes.

The determined blonde quickly grabbed her phone and car keys headed straight for your flat ready to corner you.

You were brought out of a day dream when you heard a knock on your apartment door. You got up and walked over to your door with confusion written all over your face. You weren’t expecting a visitor or any packages. Shock washed over you when you were met with a very agitated and worried blonde. The last person you wanted to see.

Your once confused face was replaced with a very shocked expression.

“Um..hi?” you muttered out in surprise at what you were faced with.

“Why have you been ignoring me” Said the hazel eyed woman as she pushed through into your apartment door.

“i..i haven’t been, i’ve just been very busy i-“ you said as you staggered your words.

“Don’t like to me, you know how much i hate when people lie” the blonde woman said cutting you off in your lousy excuse as to why you haven’t been very present in you guys relationship.

“You’ve been brushing me off, you’ve been texting me less and less. I want to know what i did wrong so i could fix it”. She said with fury in her voice.

“There’s nothing you can do, to stop me from me feeling how i feel right now Alexia” You said nervously.

“Then what is it! I need to know what it is so we can fix it. I want us to fix this” she said waving her hand between you and her.

“I feel like if i tell you what it is, our relationship would be over” you said with a meek expression.

“amor whatever it is we can try and get past it, i just have to know” she said gently as she walked towards you grabbing your hands as a form of comfort. She could tell you were nervous about what you wanted to say next.

“There’s things that i want to do in our relationship that you might not be ready for Alexia, and i don’t want that to jeopardize what we have.” You said conflicted on weather you should open up to her or not

“Hey, no matter what is bothering you, we can fix it and hopefully move past it..i promise” she said as she rubbed her thumb across my hand.

“I want us to have kids..i want to have kids with you, and i didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to scare you off i didn’t want you to think i’m so crazy person. I see myself starting a family with you..” You said with fear in your voice. You were almost quivering with fear on how she would react. You were shut down when you heard the woman in front of you hysterically laugh.

Oh no…she thought you were a joke, she must think you’re a loser..you told yourself, emotions bathing in a pool insecurity. You broke your hand away from her turning away in rejection. “ I knew this would happen, i just knew you wouldn’t take me seriously” you said with hurt and regret in your voice.

You turned your body away from her not wanting her to see how hurt you truly were.

“I’m sorry, come here” she said trying to make you turn towards her.

“i’m not laughing at you about what you said, i’m laughing because why wouldn’t you think i want that also?” she said chuckling lightly. She placed her fairly large hands on her face cupping your cheeks softly and said “why would i want to do that. There isn’t anyone i wouldn’t rather start a family with” she said shaking her head at your ridiculousness.

“I just thought that maybe you’d think that we’re moving to fast, i was just scared” you said looking into her hazel eyes.

“vale, firstly their isn’t anyway i could see life without you..let alone my future with you not being in it, if you told me how you felt ahead of time this wouldn’t be our outcome” she said has she brushed her thumb against your cheekbone

“Amor, you have to communicate with me when you’re feeling this vale ?” she said shaking her head to try to get me to understand. Which i nodded in response.

I leaned in and pecked the blonde’s lips, you were suddenly thrown over her shoulder, making you giggle in surprise “Let’s practice making that baby sí!” as she carried you to your apartment bedroom.

I’ll grammar check later !!

[portgasdwrld]

Strawhat reactions to a chiropractor or massage therapist joining their crew? (Sfw) I know they get injured and could use it.

I love those random ideas lately 😭helps me out if my writer block💕

📂Strawhat + chiropractor/massage therapist reader joining their crew

Mostly them reacting to you proposing them a session

Luffy

He’s so fucking excited. He’s jumping everywhere, begging to be your first client. He’s already laying down in your office to have his body cracked, but then you realize as you do it that his body is literally made of rubber and it’s impossible for you to work on him. When you tell him the news, he’s whining and tells you to try again😭 He’s all pouty so you decide to massage him and that put him out to sleep real quick. He went from sulking to sleeping. When he woke up, he commented about how good this was and truly he never felt this alive in a while.

Zoro

He would totally refuse at first and complain about how he doesn’t need it and how he only needs to rest a little (a good nap), and he will be fine. But then you actually try to convince him to do it, as you saw how much his body had to go through with his training, the battles, his poor sleep position… He finally agrees only after Chopper tells him how it can better his performance and make him feel more relaxed. He barely admits that it did in fact made him feel better, but now he jumps to the occasion whenever you propose it 🚶🏻‍♀️

Nami & Robin

The girls are so freaking happy especially Nami. She pretty much asks you for a session whenever she feels sore after working hard on maps or when she had to fight. She chats to you about life and tell you some gossips. She loves to make conversation and treat it a bit like a spa day.

Robin was down to try it, but she usually use her devil fruit if she feels sore somewhere and need to release some built up tension, because of stress or battles. Basically, she never needed someone for that, but after Nami told her how amazing you were, she gave it a try. She’s mostly silent and take this time to relax her body and empty her thoughts.

Usopp

He’s a bit scared at first because he heard some people talk about horror stories at the chiropractor. He heard some people got their bones cracked with no going back to normal or how some doctor were secretly psychopath 💀💀💀 To say the least, he really didn’t see the appeal to risk his life like this 😔 If you poke fun at his ego, he might do it just to prove it to you that he isn’t scared (his legs are shaking the moment he enters your office). He has difficulty relaxing which put you off , You have to wait for couple minutes, make him sips some relaxing tea. When it finally happens, he’s bragging about how cool it is and how everyone should do it🙄 there is legit nothing to be scared off pfff???

Sanji

I don’t know why, but I get the feel Sanji would somewhat be shy 😭 When you ask him if he wanna have a session to help with his stress, he would just look at you like 😳?? He would try to make analogy to food, like it’s a bit like how he hit(?) the meat before cooking it so it’s tender, but in that case it’s gonna make him relaxed. You kinda just stare and nod because whut 😭 He honestly could use it with all the cooking he does and the fights. He loved it but he got flustered a lot. He was red-shy when he left 🚶🏻‍♀️

Brook

He’s a skeleton.

Franky

Finally FRANKYYY, this man was BORN for this. He is so excited and is so talkative. He asks you when you started and why did it became your profession. He pretty much tell you to only focus on the back of his body because it’s less solid than the rest of his cyborg body. So you went in for a massage and he’s really vocal through it. As it ends, he tells you he’s happy you joined and he will be a regular which makes you laugh because you two are literally on the same boat lol 😭

[v3nusxsky]

hello, this is my first time asking here so im kinda shy... maybe can u do a emily prentiss x fem!reader where emily for some reason finds a cowboy hat and put it on to show reader and that turns reader on, then reader needs emily to deal with her... maybe smut if you into it ? thanks, also im following you for a little time and im loving your stories, bye angel

Reverse Cowgirl 18+

*Authors note~ I was unsure on which direction I wanted to take this due to writers block but I low key love it and the last word of the ask seemed to incorporate itself well here, I hope you love it*

Trigger Warnings~ roleplay?? dom em sub r daddy Emily cowboy hat reverse cowgirl position strap oral praise kink degrading kink

Prompt~ see ask^^^^^

It was so rare that you ever had time to spare from chasing serial killers all around the world, but thankfully today seemed to be a rare restful day. No phone buzzing at ungodly hours of the morning with the words "we got a case." No this morning you'd awoken to your favourite agent peacefully sleeping next to you. Your girlfriend, not that anyone else knew. These mornings were definitely your favourite. You often wonder how she gets away with looking so damn gorgeous but then again your too busy starring to care why, instead admiring her beauty.

A lazy morning with your love sounded absolutely perfect until your phone began buzzing on the nightstand. A silent pray for it to not be work, you answered the call to be greeted with an excited shriek form the one and only miss Penelope Garcia. "Pg!" You whined, "my ears Garcia, what do you need?" A little scoff made its way over the line, "you me JJ and Prentiss, shopping at noon. No excuses we need a girl day and I need to spoil my god sons. I'll text you the address, bye sweets!" And just like that she was gone. It wasn't a few seconds later, and your girlfriends phone buzzed too. Trying to contain your laughter as she attempted to wriggle out of the girls day, and her side glance at you while mouthing "traitor" before giving in and accepting that she needed to get up. After the phone call ended you promised if Emily got out of bed you could shower together, apparently that was all the motivation she needed.

After a shower that took twice as long as it normally would've due to Emily's wandering hands you finally secured breakfast and both left to meet the girls. Emily drove you both and honestly you'd be lying if you said her driving with a hand on your thigh didn't drive you insane, soon enough you were separating ways after a final kiss to avoid the suspicion. A part of you wished you could hold her hand in public or kiss her cheek but another part was too scared they'd try and reassign you to keep you both apart. You'd like to think Hotch wouldn't do that but you knew it was out of his control. Plus they didn't even know you were bisexual with a preference for women.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't have fun watching Garcia absolutely raid the toy stores and clothing shops while JJ insisted they didn't need anything since the absolute flood of gifts on six months ago. Garcia always won those arguments, finding some kind of loophole somewhere which made you giggle, Emily grabbed everything a coffee in order to slip a little I love you on your cup and every chance she got she discreetly joined your hands under tables. Small things like that made your heart yearn for her.

Now to end up in a sexy shop wasn't on your to do list but with JJ and Wills anniversary coming up it wasn't surprising she wanted to get him something or someone to unwrap. Garcia wondering off to another toy store left you and Emily waiting for JJ. Both of you pretending to look around separately while mentally compiling a list of outfits to get,

Emily even going as far to look at some of the strap ons. Seeing a cow boy hat in a sex shop was certainly something unexpected yet you still couldn't resist putting it on.

"Fetch me my horse daddy" you giggled adding a southern drawl into your accent causing Emily to spin around in confusion. There you stood with a cow boy hat on your head, going surprisingly well with your braided hair, and a riding crop in your right hand, "I believe I found my ride" you whispered before cheekily winking at the stunned woman. While you were putting it back where up I found the accessories you completely missed the raven haired woman buying a certain something and slipping away to hide it.

By the time JJ returned with her gift Emily was back looking at objects in the room as if she'd never left. The imagine of you being her perfect cowgirl never leaving her mind, all the ways she could fuck you in that outfit. On all fours her hand gripping and tugging on your braids as she absolutely rails you from behind. Oh and you'd be so good for her, you always were. Her sweet little cow girl. Unbeknownst to you a silly little dress up would result into an absolutely desperate Emily tonight.

The journey back to Emily's apartment was blissfully normal until you arrived. There she went to the boot of the car and grabbed a cow boy hat. The hat suited her so well and you found yourself to distract to try and find out where she got it from due to the sticky wetness now dripping down your thick thighs. "God daddy so big! I need you" you whined pitifully as she came to hug you from behind, purposefully rubbing her bulge into your ass. That was new. She definitely wasn't packing when you left this morning that was for sure. God she knew how to drive you absolutely wild.

Emily allowed you to practically drag her into the apartment and straight to the bedroom, secretly loving how desperate a simple had made you, before pushing you into the wall and claiming your lips with hers. It was lustful and needy as if neither of you needed oxygen to breathe. Emily's right hand crept up your body until it made its way to its rightful place, your throat. Now with the gentle squeeze of her hand you were begging her to take you already. The nerd becoming unbearable for you. And Emily wasn't handling the need any better than you.

Clothing was torn from eachothers body before Emily gently lifted you so you could wrap your legs around her waist all while never losing your lips. A squeak of surprise flooded the room when your back hit the mattress, "Emily! Oh my gosh" you gasped, "what's got into you?" Perhaps it was a rhetorical question but she answered you anyway with a nip to the base of your throat, "you and that damn hat." You couldn't help but smirk, a harmless silly thing had turned her this needy for you.

Any reply you may have had died on your tongue as you felt her mouth creeping lower and lower until she met your needy cunt. By now your wetness was seeping onto the sheets, "god I need more" you whined impatiently, moving your hands to her hat to hold her in place. Emily was always talented in ever aspect of life, but the way she would plunge her tongue into your tight little hole and curl it just right was enough to drive you insane, but then when she would add two fingers and move her mouth to your aching bundle of nerves you honestly saw the stars. If there was one thing Emily prides herself on is how well you scream her name as she fucks you with her tongue. In fact she swears that she would spend forever between your thighs and die a happy woman.  Yet when your tugging her up for a break from the overwhelming sensations she still feels a little glee at what she planned to come next.

A few sweet kisses and some soft praises found you straddling her lap, the new strap on pressing against your soaking slit. "Please daddy" you whimpered only to be met with a shake of her head. "Nahuh angel, you're gonna ride my cock like a good cowgirl for me" she purred in your ear before helping swivel you around to face her legs. Then the hat was settled on your had before she finally slipped into your awaiting core. "Oh fuck yes so good, so big daddy fuck" you mewled as you slowly began to bounce on her cock. "God you're so fucking sexy, bend over cowgirl I wanna see how I spilt you in two."

The moment you finally bent so she could see how her faux cock moved in and out of your slippery hole she could've swore she almost lost her composure. But her patience was rewarded when soon all you were was a whiny mess hardly able to keep a rhythm. Hands gripped onto her thighs like a life line and yet you still couldn't do as you were asked to. "Such a pathetic whore for my angel, and you were being my sweet girl and yet now you can't even do what a common whore could. I'm disappointed Angel" she murmured placing her hands on your hips. A whine escaped you, "mm sorry daddy I be good girl mm sorry" you whimpered over and over until she finally took pity on you.

With a pace that was perfectly fast and rough Emily slipped out of your cunt, ignoring your whines of protest and flipped you on your hands and knees before slamming back into your needy pussy. From there on she kept a punishing pace. Her hands gripping your braids to steady herself as she attempted to burry her cock into your womb. And you came over and over for her that night until you were nothing but her little angel absolutely fucked dumb.

"Shhh sweetheart you did so good for me darling" she murmured in between kissing all over your face to distract you from her pulling out. "Such a pretty cowgirl for your daddy" was what caused you to blush like a mad woman. You knew the routine Emily would get up to get a cloth and clean the strap but you didn't want her to go. But you didn't have the brain function to do more than whine at her, trying to convey what you wanted. "Shh two seconds my love, we have to clean up then I'm all yours baby."

Two seconds was all it was, and then Emily was back in before allowing you to snuggle up on her chest as her hands threaded through your beautiful hair. "So proud of you sweet girl" she whispered not expecting you to whine and mumble "disappoint you" the clearest you could. "No angel, you're my good girl, I love you my little cowgirl, you did so well baby, now rest angel, I'm right here."

Word count 1880

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Infected x reader angst, where the two of them were dating before the virus, and Infected doesn’t remember the reader? He feels drawn to them, though he can’t quite remember them. There’s flashes here and there- bits and pieces, the occasional snippet. Someone’s laugh, a pretty smile, late nights playing Mario kart or whatever. But he can’t ever quite seem to remember them

I apologize if this is TOO specific lmao . Angst moment

In light of the floppy disc update--my Regretevator interest has come back (and it got me out of my writer's block yippee) I finally got the "noise complaint" one so that gave me a lot of inspiration for this

........

You and Kasper once made a promise.

To be there for each other.

For better or for worse.

In sickness and in health.

But...

What do you do when that sickness made him forget that exact promise?

Although you've come to accept his new identity as "Infected", sometimes you think he's just playing a huge prank on you. And that the next time you swung by his apartment, he'll be resting and actually taking his illness seriously, and you'd have your old boyfriend back.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case tonight, as you invited yourself inside with a duplicate of his key that he gave you long ago. As you closed the door, he didn't immediately run out to greet you like he used to. Instead, all you heard were the rapid taps of his keyboard and mouse.

Entering the living room space, you saw him sitting at his usual spot in front of the PC, intensely focused on some game. He had his headphones on, his face mere inches away from the bright screen, scowling--totally unaware of your presence.

You could've been an armed intruder for all he knew.

"Dud3s!! DUD3S!! Y0U SUCK!! WHY AM I TH3 0NLY 0NE C4RRYING TH3 TEAM?!!" He shouted into the tiny mic. "EITH3R GET G00D OR G3T 0FF THE G4ME!!!"

With a sigh, you made yourself known to him by stepping into the room, just within his peripheral vision and leaning against the wall

The moment his eyes flickered to you, he got startled, especially as his character made the dying sound. The other team was taunting him in the chat, but for once he ignored it, his cheeks flushed pink at your unexpected arrival.

"0h, h-hey, [y/n]! Wh4t brings y0u here, bab3?" He quickly removed his headphones.

"I sent you a message an hour ago. You said you wanted to play Mario Kart tonight, right?"

"I did....? 0hhhh, right! Right...s0rry. I'll be re4dy in a sec0nd. I just..." For a moment he paused, looking down at his lap and realizing he just had his pink shirt and a pair of boxers on. "G0tta put on s0me pants-"

"I've seen you in those nyan cat boxers before." You chuckled, shaking your head.

He blinked owlishly. "Y0u have?"

"Yeah. You don't have to change if you don't wanna."

"...g00d, 'cuz I was t00 lazy t0 do that anyways." After standing up, he stared at you. "Wait, h0w did you g3t into my r00m?"

"You gave me a spare key when you first moved in here." Holding up the item in question, your smile faded a little as you saw his eyebrows furrow, struggling to recall when he did that. "I don't expect you to remember, but-"

"Don't w0rry, babe. I'll take ur w0rd for it! I w0uldn't give a sp4re key to a str4nger." With a grin, Infected walked over to hug you and kiss you on the cheek. "I'll g3t the snacks. Sh0uld I make popcorn or hot p0ckets?"

"Surprise me."

"0kay!" While he dashed off to the snack pantry, you headed to the couch to get the gaming console set up for Mario Kart. You made sure to bring the wheel-shaped controllers for a fully immersive experience.

You had little hope that tonight he'll be able to remember something--or anything about his relationship with you as Kasper...so you don't know why you've kept them so high.

After the virus took ahold of his brain, you couldn't comprehend how it could make him forget ever dating you. In fact, you scared him a bit when you mentioned being his partner and got extremely upset at his confusion. He even called you "creepy" once.

Yet despite that...he still felt drawn to you, wanting to always hang out with you in the elevator or go to a skate park or bowling. He couldn't stand to be separate from you and didn't fully understand why.

That made him question whether he's known you before...

You're sweet, you like the same things he does, you've tried helping him find Poptart, and you never made a big deal about his sickness unlike most people.

Eventually, he asked you out (again, from your perspective), and you couldn't say no.

It was both flattering and sad that he fell in love with you twice, as you now had two cheesy confession letters hanging up at home. One signed with a K, the other with an I.

You'd look at them from time to time, seeing how differently he wrote between his life then and his life now.

He can't remember ever writing the first one, no matter how hard he tried...

From the first signs of this sickness, you've kept Dr. Retro on speed dial. She once visited the apartment to inspect the virus scripted into the couch while Infected wasn't home, hoping to collect even a tiny pixel-sized sample to study.

But there was nothing. It completely attached itself to your boyfriend and infiltrated the valve system, making the entire complex hazardous to live in--so much so his next door neighbors had to leave.

By some miracle, you haven't caught it yet, and you hope to god it'll never come to that. He's gotten better about his hygiene since dating you (again), so maybe that's why you've been so lucky.

Everyone else says you should've stayed away from him, and even Lampert urged you to abandon all hope that he'll remember who he was and the relationship you two had.

But you refused to.

The fact that Infected was willing to let you back into his life showed that deep down...he knew you meant something to him. You used to be someone special in his life.

Someone he couldn't let go of, no matter how hard the virus tried.

.............

"Sec0nd place again?? Bummer.."

"I told you, babe. You gotta expand your horizons beyond Roblox PVP games." Laughing in triumph, you set down the controller, brushing your hands against your pants. "Whew..I'll admit that got me sweating." You looked to your sulking boyfriend. "C'mon. Nobody likes a sore loser."

"I'm n0t a l0ser," he huffed, putting down his own controller. "N0t g0nna lie, that was fun." His smile turned right side up as he looked back at you. "S0 what d0 we wanna pl4y next? It's 0nly midnight."

"........."

"[Y/n]?" Infected blinked at your sudden change of expression, worried. "What's wr0ng? W4s...it s0mething I s4id?"

"No, it's just..." You hesitated, unsure if you wanted to bring it up so late in the night.

But after what you found taped to his door, you knew you two needed to have a serious talk.

"Wh4t?"

"They gave you another citation." Taking a paper out of your pocket, you skimmed it over and sighed. "For noise. This is your twelfth one. Why do you keep throwing them out? I thought you said you were gonna take care of these complaints."

"Ugh, I k33p telling them it's n0t me.." He groaned, deciding to lay his head on your lap. "Th3y're all addressed t0 Kasp3r...must be the guy from bef0re."

"Baby, nobody rented this space before you did. It's specifically talking about this apartment here. 007. Maybe they just couldn't put "Infected" as a valid name into their system."

"....yet th3y chose that n4me. Why?"

"Look, can you please just...read this over? And maybe take it seriously this time? They're close to evicting you."

His eye suddenly went wide. "Huh?? N0 way..."

"Yes way."

After some hesitance, Infected took the paper from you and read it, a frown crossing his features as he saw that the first words were "Dear Mr. Kasper".

Why couldn't they get his name right?

Why couldn't anyone?

What was wrong with "Infected"?

For a minute or so he was quiet. While he did admit to raging during late night gaming sessions and calling for Poptart since the day she went missing...it was the note that people next door could hear him "wailing in his sleep" that left a pit in his stomach.

He forgot how thin the walls were, but did they seriously hear him during all those nights where you weren't here, and he was alone, crying in his sleep over bizarre dreams and-

"I know they got your name wrong, but you gotta stop ignoring their letters." You lightly ran your fingers through his hair. It was a little greasy, but he did tell you he took a shower today, so it didn't bother you at all.

"Ye4h, alright. I'll em4il them b4ck, and t3ll them to go [CONTENT DELETED]---"

A bit startled by the sudden static garble that spilled from his mouth, you briefly took your hand away from his head. And he noticed, frowning up at you now. "Did I sc4re y0u??"

"I think you missed the part where I said "take it seriously"." You mirrored his expression, annoyed at his lack of maturity. "If you get evicted, I'm not sure where we're gonna put all your gaming stuff. So you need to figure something out, and fast."

"Why d0n't y0u tell them t0 get my nam3 right....and then I'll be willing to m4ke changes?"

"Excuse me? The lease isn't under my name. I'm not the one renting here and making my neighbors feel unsafe. You need to take responsibility for yourself."

"Why are y0u lecturing me?? Th4t's n0t cool.." Infected sat up from your lap, no longer feeling comfortable as he felt like you were being mean to him for no reason. "M4ybe moving out of here w0n't be so b4d. I'll be away fr0m that gradient fre4k, and-"

"God, that's NOT the point, Kasper--!!"

Suddenly, you realized your slip up and immediately silenced yourself. But it was too late, as you saw the dejected look in his eyes and the way his shoulders slumped. "Infected..I'm sorry-"

"Even y0u can't get my n4me right...." He scratched at his arm, feeling the virus' glitches pricking his skin like thin needles as he shuffled to the other end of the couch. "Y0u keep acting like h3's still here."

You remained silent, knowing you couldn't really say "because he is". He just wouldn't believe that. He couldn't.

"Was Kasp3r really...better than me? Was he he4lthier? M0re mature? N0t burden y0u with all this cr4p?" He looked down at his lap now, sniffling. "I'm s0rry I can't be him, [y/n]. I'm s0rry that I can't rememb3r anything. But..w-why can't y0u just acc3pt me? Am I n0t g00d enough?"

For the longest time, you stayed quiet, and he was afraid to look into your eyes, unsure of what you were going to say next.

Then you spoke.

"You're right about him being more mature."

His shoulders tensed.

"But..." You paused as he perked up. And you just gazed at the guy you fell in love with, wishing you could go back ten minutes ago--when you two were sharing laughs, hot pockets, and a round of Mario Kart--and not now, with you being the reason for those tears in his eyes.

Maybe...

You had to just forget about trying to bring back Kasper. There wasn't any cure yet, and Dr. Retro isn't even close to finding one.

It wasn't worth all this effort and arguing.

"..maybe I'm hanging onto the past too much, and not seeing what's right in front of me." Shifting closer to him, you sighed as you placed a hand over his, relieved that he didn't pull away. "Kasper and I had some good memories together. But you and I made some pretty awesome ones. When you begged me to rescue that cat in the minefield, I did and nearly got my legs blown off. But seeing your smile was worth it."

"......."

"When we visited Crem with Lampert and Melanie, you remembered my favorite flavor. Like any good boyfriend would." You added with a small chuckle, noticing his subtle nod.

Yet he stayed quiet, his eyes downcast once more so you kept talking.

"The point is..I love you, and you're good enough for me, Infected. I'm not angry at you for forgetting things. That's not your fault. I just..don't wanna see you get kicked out over some lousy complaints. That's all, okay?"

For a few long moments, there wasn't a response from him, although he sniffled a few more times. You worried he was about to sneeze, but when his gaze met yours again, you saw tears and pink snot dribbling down his face, his eyes red and puffy.

"Infected?"

"I-I still d0n't kn0w what's wr0ng with me, [y/n].." He mumbled, trying to bite back the sobs that wanted to escape. "Deep d0wn, s0mething tells me that...th-that I've always known y0u. It tells m3 th4t we've d0ne all this fun stuff bef0re. I want t0 remember, but..I-I d0n't know how. And...and..."

"And what?" You gently coaxed, squeezing his hand.

"And th4t's what keeps m3 up at night. N0t just the gam3s. It m4kes me feel like a [CONTENT DELETED] B0yfriend, and...I...owww--" Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his head, and he brought his other hand to it. "My h3ad's killing me.." Chills ran through his body, and he felt himself growing feverish.

"Again? Oh jeez.."

"Wh-What d0 y0u mean "again"?" He coughed.

"You keep having these flareups. I guess your sickness doesn't like our deep convos that much." You frowned a little. "Come here."

Once more, he laid down in your lap again, only this time curling up and shuddering with small sobs. You could see the virus attacking his body and senses again as he groaned in pain, trying to shelter his face from the suddenly harsh light.

In the early stages of his infection, he used to get these bad flare ups every other day, sometimes even calling you in the dead of night crying and whining. But they never became this bad while you were present.

'Is it..hurting him so he stops remembering?' You wondered, deciding to make a mental note to ask Dr. Retro about that. But for now, you just grabbed the blanket that was hanging over the couch and set it down on him, hoping it would help him rest.

For the first time, he was willing to accept that something is in fact wrong with him.

He wanted to remember all the things that you did together.

So maybe...Kasper wasn't really gone just yet.

Maybe there's hope after all.

[slasherbtch]

☆ 𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝: 𝐘𝐞𝐬/𝐍𝐨

☆ 𝐓𝐲𝐩𝐞: 𝐡𝐜

☆ 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞���𝐚𝐫: 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭!

☆ 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞

✮ What an amazing joke. Brhams does not and never have gotten stuck in a wall. When he’s in a fit of rage, he actually breaks through walls/mirrors and punches doors with his bare hands!

✮ Let’s also take into account how old the house is. I'm a little surprised it hasn’t gotten blown over by the wind.

✮ While yes, technically, someone with his big ass build should be getting stuck—as would any normal person in such a cramped place but two thing’s for sure and one thing’s for certain, Brahms was not normal.

✮ He grew up living inside those walls because of his family. He had no other choice but to learn how to maneuver through them, to figure out where he could fit and could not fit as he grew to maturity. Not that he has actually matured mentally.

✮ When you factor in all of that, it’s just not possible for him to get stuck. He knows the ends and outs of the house—if one end gets blocked, he’s already running to the other.

✮ Now if we are talking hypothetically and that’s a big hypothetically, a mc nanny is most likely involved. If that’s the case, he will play victim. After all, you are there to take care of him.

✮ He may be taller than you, stronger than you and faster but like mentioned before—he hasn’t exactly reached that level of maturity. He still acts out when he doesn’t get his way or he’s being childish by throwing tantrums. He plays games often—finds it fun to confuse you or scare you. He will play the hurt kitten card if it gets your attention only on him, he has no shame—and he will play it well.

✮ Recently I read a headcanon from another writer that he liked to read the ‘Hero save the Princess’ books when he was younger and he often imagined he was the knight saving her. In reality mc is doing the saving; saving him from his loneliness, his lack of attention/affection and I guess, from being “stuck in the wall”.

✮ I put quotations because he’s not really stuck. He’s playing another game. Another one you're already tired of as you talk to him through the wall, reassuring him that everything’s going to be okay. It’s certainly okay but you’re gonna have to work for it to get him out of the wall before dinner time comes.

✮ He’ll talk to you in his child voice, urging you to come inside the wall and help him. He. Just. Can’t. Budge. As if your small frame compared to his was going to make him move. That’s like trying to move a mountain and mountains (yes they do; look it up) move when they want to, hence how when you get inside the wall through the closet—he’s not where you last spoke to him.

✮ You aren’t happy, you let him know that the game has to end. You threaten no goodnight kisses to show you were serious. He didn’t like that. Suddenly, you're wrapped in his beef arms, pressed to his chest as he stares at you silently. Where the hell did he come from?

✮ “Brahms sorry. He’ll be a good boy now.”

[makemeimmortalwithahug]

2024 WRITING REVIEW

thank you for the tag @ahyperactivehero !!

stress free tags: @oddessea @nix-nihili @read-write-thrive

number of stories posted to ao3: 8! Exclusively Dead Boy Detectives and I started in August, there will be more in 2025!

word counted posted for last year: 45,885 words

fandoms i wrote for: Dead Boy Detectives

pairings: mainly payneland, but also palasaki

stories with the most kudos, bookmarks and comment threads:

kudos: I'll Love You Carefully - A cursed Edwin falls from the Tower Bridge and Charles rushes to his rescue

bookmarks: also I'll Love You Carefully (something about protective!Charles just hits right)

comment threads: The Road to Ruin - Edwin gets taken to Hell for the second time but Charles is in a much much worse mental state

work i’m most proud of (and why):

it must be The Road to Ruin because I am actually proud of my characterisation of Charles and it's my first attempt at a multi chapter fic, so that alone is enough for it to have a special place in my heart. I love really getting into the Hell aspect of it all and I think the introspective nature has something to it that I previously never quite managed to capture with my writing.

work i’m least proud of (and why):

probably How Could You Think, Darling, I'd Scare So Easily? - Charles gets capture by Esther and Edwin rescues him Tam Lin style. It was the second fic I ever posted but I have to say I should've worked longer on it. It's not bad but I realised that it could've been more angsty and it feels kind of rushed when I reread it now

share or describe a favorite review you received:

it was so hard to pick just one because I love every single comment and they all make me stay motivated and want to get better. But if it's just one, then probably this one:

(sorry for all the tags btw, oddessea dear, you've been such a huge part of my journey on ao3, I cannot thank you enough!)

I think this is the one comment that genuinely made me tear up because I had been struggling with the way I wanted to write this fic and reading that it apparently worked out was just absolutely bloody wonderful

a time when writing was really, really hard:

Probably the last few weeks because I have all of these ideas but also a lot of pressure (put there by myself, mind) to have them turn out perfectly. I won't get into any details, but real life hasn't been too good either for a while now, so it's hard to get into the right mindset sometimes. But it will get better

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Crystal surprised me a lot! I adore her so much and I want to do her complexity justice and while I don't think I have posted a lot of Crystal yet, I enjoyed writing my palasaki fic Bloom Like A Flower so much because it allowed me to show that while Crystal is incredibly powerful and has been through a lot, she's still a teenager

a favourite excerpt of your writing:

I think this one stuck with me:

He pressed Charles even closer to himself, as if he wanted to embrace him fully, so as to not let any of his demons reach Charles in any way. Charles moved to brace his hands against Edwin, somewhere between resting them on his shoulders and pressing them against his collarbones. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to push Edwin away in desperation or pull him closer until no one could untangle them anymore. Edwin was coming undone around him and there was nothing for Charles to do to ease his pain. It was obvious that whatever Edwin was seeing, hearing, feeling, it was paranoia and not something Charles could see. How could you help someone who saw the world burning and crashing around them while you were still standing on solid ground, mere millimeters between both of your realities? - The Case of the Turning Key

how did you grow as a writer last year:

A lot, seeing as I had never written fanfic before and had been struggling with my original works for so long that calling it "writer's block" would've been a huge understatement. So just the fact that I managed to finish 7 (!) fics is already a huge accomplishment for me. Apart from that, I got better at finding the characters' voices when changing POVs.

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.)

shoutout to a few people as well!

I obviously have to thank @im-perfectly-normal-about-this for listening to my yapping about various ideas in dms and giving me feedback on my Charles characterisation! I appreciate you so much!

Also dear @oddessea for making my day with every single comment you write!

And then of course the entire DBDA Haunt server. Joining was probably the best decision I made in 2024 and all of our discussions in the writers room are so special to me.

Thank you to: @genevievefangirl, @ahyperactivehero, @read-write-thrive, @moonikabear, @dead-but-still-sarcastic, @zmorak (I'm so sorry if I forgot anyone! Y'all are all so loved!!)

anything from your real life show up in your writing last year:

definitely, little nods to things I enjoy or have done myself. I am good at projecting my own insecurities and problems onto Charles and of course the best example would be Days by the Sea - the agency goes on vacation in Scotland. That was entirely created from my wish to someday visit Scotland

any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

have fun!! When I don't pressure myself into writing and just do it for fun, I get the best results, not because they're perfect or anything, but because I genuinely enjoy working on them and then also feel good about finishing them. Having fun is already a big step

any projects you’re looking to starting (or finishing) this year?

The Road to Ruin will defintely find an ending in 2025! Apart from that, I obviously have my F1 AU that I've been yapping about. A different Modern AU and then let's see what I'll come up with next 👀 I'm looking forward to this year <3

[exorcqism]

𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐎

„𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃”

: ̗̀➛ GENERAL CONTENT!!!

: ̗̀➛ afab!reader, possible gore, blood, death (?). not proofread so i apologize in advance for any mistakes if they’re made.

: ̗̀➛ art creds by;; currently unknown. dividers are not mine, if you own these, you may claim them in comments.

: ̗̀➛ WORD COUNT;; 1.40K

* dark mode recommended

* do not copy this plot. i’m perfectly fine with inspirations but give creds. if this plot his stolen in any way, the post will be taken down and you will be blocked.

𝐃𝐀𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 ✉️🖇️;; imma switch it up a lil. i been going through writers block cuz i can barely think of plots for myself. sum scary cuz why not??

REBLOG TO SUPPORT MEEEEE AND IF YOU WANT MORE :D

what a night. an incredible amount of men and women died this particular night. interesting. why? how? who would’ve done such a thing? a pure red dagger cut through the flesh of these people. now, these cuts weren’t quite deep at first…but they began to get more deep and the deaths were more brutal than the last.

bleeding through the mask, a red substance peered out of the fabric of the eyeholes. a 5’11 figure, wearing an all black robe looked down at their victim. they bend down before stabbing into their victim repeatedly.

the deed was done. “that was easy…” they thought. they would remove the mask to give themself some air. they took a breath. a pair of dead eyes fluttered, adjusting to the dark room that was lit with dim lights. eyes narrowed, staring at the blood that was splattered across the floor and the wall before a sinister smile stretched across their lips.

a beautiful night it was…for him, that is.

“that’s so sad…all those poor people.” your mother said as she looked at the tv, explaining the incidents. you sucked on your bottom lip, feeling the unsettling energy kick into your system. finding all those bodies around the shibuya station. you heard a name being tossed around called the “shibuya slasher”.

it felt like a horror movie. hearing this made your stomach turn. your mother placed your dinner down in front of you and smiled softly. “you eat good, okay? and don’t waste it. put it in the refrigerator or the microwave if you don’t want it.”

you nod at your mother’s simple request and begin to eat after thanking her. you turn the channel to something more happy. you didn’t wanna be depressed and scared while you ate your favorite meal.

later that evening, you make your mother aware that you would be hanging out with your boyfriend for a couple hours. though, she agreed that this was fine, she’d warn you about the shibuya slasher one final time. you assure her that you’d be fine and you leave in a hurry.

two twintails bounced lightly as the owner’s head turned to look at you. their lips stretched into a smile as you entered the car.

“hey,” the deep voice says, sounding slightly excited at the sight of you. it was definitely a change compared to how he usually sounded. his voice was low adverb and it would catch you off guard if you never heard it or if the room was filled with silence and he began to speak.

“hi, cho!” you beam at the male, leaning over to kiss his cheek, to which his pale cheeks flushed a reddish color.

“did you hear the news? that slasher case is…interesting.” choso queries as he begins to drive away from your home, on the way to your next destination, wherever it may be. you sigh and nod, not feeling up to talk about the case. you didn’t like it. it made you sick actually.

“yes, i heard,” you reply, “but it’s…not something i wanna talk about now. we should just enjoy our time together…and maybe do our thing.” a smirk is plastered onto your face and choso has that usual dull expression on his face but he nods.

“very well…”

the two of you spent your evening at a fair, playing the games, eating…even though choso wasn’t really eating. he was just enjoying his time with you. before the night was over, the male had gone do the bathroom, washing the blood from his hands after he had finished another deed. just the sight of seeing you talking to another man drove him up the wall.

it was a bit hard for him to kill in a social setting like this but his body reacted before he could even think. choso came back to you and took your hand and led you back to you car. as you sat in the passenger seat, you noticed a small red stain on his neck. it looked fresh too.

“um…choso, you got something red on your neck.” you spoke up. you wanted to touch it but you didn’t want to distract choso from driving either.

“nothing.” he answered bluntly.

as the weeks passed on, the shibuya slasher was still on their killing spree. your mother would drill it into your brain to watch your surroundings and be careful to not get kidnapped or anything. as annoying as you thought it was, you know your mother was just looking out for you…so of course you take her advice.

out of curiosity, you and a male friend of yours make your way to shibuya station. because it was a bit late at night, the station was empty. you and your friend would have conversations about anything you could possibly think of. completely ignoring the fact that a killer would be nearby.

this is where the murders took place, after all…

amongst your talking between the two of you, there was a sound. it sounded like footsteps and something dragging. you were pretty sure no one was here…maybe you just assumed and didn’t think that maybe some janitors would be here. even the night security guards would probably be here….but there was no one.

your friend wanders off to go check the sound and tells you to wait…but your anxiety was starting to kick in and you didn’t wanna be left alone in a station where you could get kidnapped or murdered. you and your friend go towards the sound, you trailing behind because you were that nervous.

the two of you tread lightly and slowly as if you were attempting to sneak around and locate the noise and confront the person…if there is one. but that’s when you saw it…such speed and power. you saw nothing like it….but you did. it was familiar. that red arrow piercing through the flesh and the skull and eventually the brain, drilling a hole into its victims.

you scream and jump back when you see a 5’11 figure wearing a ghostface mask and a black robe, holding a pure red blade. there was a crimson substance staining the mask…but you were guilty. you couldn’t be scared when you were guilty of a killing yourself.

staring down at the body beneath you, you suddenly feel your tense body relax. blood travels over to the drain and you glance up at the figure in front of you who had been in the middle of removing their mask. revealing their true face.

in front of you was a pale face with blood streaming down its nose and cheeks. even on the side of the owner’s head. you also noticed a little bit of blood coming from their ear but it didn’t concern you as much as their dead eyes that had black rings around them and their brown hair sticking to their face.

“there you are, princess,” choso smirked at you, lifting his bloodstained glove to place under your chin, staining your soft brown skin. his eyes traveled down to your outfit.

“did you wear this for me?”

you put your hands around his arm gently and looked up at him. the two of you were smiling at each other as if death was your favorite thing to bond over. well, the both of you had the same game. killing for each other. that was the goal.

“i do everything for you.” you reply. this only made choso’s existing smile grow. it was sinister but there was also something about it that you liked. you couldn’t place a finger on it.

“good girl…”

despite the blood the was covering the both of you, choso smashed his lips against yours, biting and sucking on your lip whenever he got the chance to. you felt his tongue slip into your mouth, making you moan in between the kiss.

he pulled away from you and took a glance down at his mess, then at you. “did i overdo it?”

any normal person would tell him yes but you were obviously just as unhinged as he was. you shake your head no as your answer.

“no…you didn’t do anything wrong.” you answered. “you just wanted to keep me safe, right?”

“that’s right. i just wanted to keep you safe.” choso dropped the mask down and pushed a lot of pressure against his blade, making it shatter.

“and nobody will ever get near you again.”

𝐄𝐍𝐃.

⋆｡࿇ ·࣭࣪̇˖ 𖦹°༅༚

[makingfanfictionstosleep]

My First But Not My Last.

Pairing : Gojo x Femreader, Geto x Femreader

Setting : Started from Pre-Cult Suguru Geto // Some folks will not die // Modified that Kenjaku will not totally take over Geto's subconscious later on // Girl bff Shoko, Mei Mei & Utahime, Strong sorcerer reader // Death, Murder Spree, Romance, Lemons.

Rating : M || m i n o r s d o n o t i n t e r a c t

Part 9 : Missing In Action

<< Previous ...... Next >>

Disclaimer : This is Y/N x Gojo centered so I didn't write some of the POV from other characters because I'm scared that I'll have another writer's block so I have to keep writing until I get this out. I MAY (not promising) write a side chapter for their POV but that depends if I get the WB. But I have a slight bias towards MiwaMech so….

"So what do we do now?" Utahime asked.

"I know I need to go to the location for all intents & purposes. Muta stay with me, you'll come in handy. :Let's talk on the road, Utahime," Shoko answered as she started to gather all the needed supplies & as if on cue Yaga burst through the door & began to give Shoko orders.

"And put yourself to good use, Mech," Yaga said before he exited the lab.

"The balance of the world will be in ruins if Y/N won't show her ass in case Geto seals Gojo," Utahime rambled as she loaded the van with medical supplies, "Why are strongest ones either in danger or gon' MIA?"

"She must be looking for a way to nullify the prison realm," Muta said as a way to calm Utahime, "We need to get Kyoto Sorcerer's here," he finished.

"Right," Utahime answered, "Let's get them here. I need to get them tickets."

"Do that on your phone, Muta you can get your puppet to talk them through the plan, right?" Shoko said as they all get inside the van.

"Right, I can do that," Muta answered nervously as he found it odd to move without the tubes attached to his body, "I can do that."

"Ijichi, talk to me," Shoko said with the phone on her ear, "Stop rambling. Just talk to me. What is going- Ijichi? Ijichi?" Shoko threw her phone on the seat, her face planted in her palm, "Fuck we need to get there as soon as we can."

"Sorry, I need you all to tone down," Muta gritted his teeth as he activated his ability, "Yuji can you hear me? It's Mechamaru. You need to tell me what's going on… Hold on…" He gave Utahime & Shoko a round thing & asked them to put it on their ears, "Go on, keep talking. You're giving details to Dr. Ieri."

He paused and wiped beads of sweat from his forehead as he connected with his Mechamaru body in Kyoto.

"Miwa," he called the girl beside him, who was watching the news with worry on her face jumped in surprise at his voice, "Miwa, where are the others? Is Todo here?"

"Mech-mechamaru, you scared me. Todo just got here," she answered, her voice laced with worry & curiosity, "Should I call them?"

"No need, Utahime-sensei is already speaking with Kamo-san," Muta exhaled to calm himself, "Listen, you don't have to come, I'd rather have you stay there, but I know you won't. So please once you get to Tokyo, find Dr. Ieri right away. Don't go anywhere, just find Dr. Ieri & you'll understand why. Do you hear me?"

Miwa looked at him through Mechamaru's eyes & he hoped that his concern is reflectling through his puppet's eyes, "Miwa, do you understand what I am saying right now?"

"Mechamaru I-," Miwa spoke, but there's no time for this. He needed Miwa to find Dr. Ieri so that he can see her.

"Miwa, please promise me that you'll find Dr. Ieri the soonest you step foot here in Tokyo," his tone now desperate.

"Wait, you're in Tokyo?" Miwa asked.

"Yes, but I can't explain now. You see the news. Just, find Dr. Ieri & I'll tell you everything & answer anything, I promise," He answered.

"O-okay Mechamaru," She answered.

"Kokichi," Muta said, "That's my real name."

Miwa blushed adorably, but as much as he'd want to stare at her beautiful face, this isn't really the time for that, given Utahime's scolding stare, "Okay, Kokichi. I'll find Dr. Ieri once I get to Tokyo."

"Good girl, now meet up with the rest & they'll fill you in. Your tickets are ready, Kamo-san should have them by now & instructions from Utahime-sensei. Be careful," Muta said before he disconnected from his puppet.

"We're here," Shoko said & she was on her feet, ready for action, "Yuji filled me in. They got Gojo. It seems that Gojo was able to take down one unregistered special grade curse, but it's not Mahito. We need to find Y/N. Muta, can you find Meimei? Maybe Ui Ui can find Y/N."

"Found her," Muta said, as he followed one of the crows, "And she's fighting Geto."

"Fuck," Shoko cursed through her teeth as she lit a cigarette, "Let's do what we can. Here, walk Yuji through," as she handed the Mechamaru ear piece back to him.

"Mechamarus, help Meimei & Ui Ui." Muta commanded before he connected with Yuji Itadori.

It was all chaotic after Satoru Gojo was sealed.

Meanwhile, you got yourself into a problem as you were finding a way to nullify the prison realm & got nowhere. Except, there's a place where you can find answers - The Zenin clan.

But they're not the most hospitable people, are they?

But as soon as you got there, the place was also in shambles.

You can't feel any curse energy, but you saw limp bodies as you walked inside their territory. You were on alert as you tried to find a living soul, anybody who can help you find answers to your current predicament. Actually, the world's predicament because the world's strongest is now in a pickle, thus the balance of the world is now in danger.

"Maki?" you said in shock & saw bruises & scars all over her body, "What happened here? What happened to you?" You rushed to her aid & immediately applied reversed cursed technique to heal her body.

"Thanks, sensei," Maki said in between breaths, "They've been trying to get rid of me. They killed my sister, so I killed them," she said without remorse.

"Oh, Maki," you held her & she broke down in sobs, grieving for the loss of her twin sister, "I thought she's in Tokyo?"

"She was, then she followed me here, knowing that I would get weapons from our arsenal," she dried her tears, "That old man died first at Jogo's hand."

"I know, I know. I saw Nanami's state & was able to heal him. I tried to find Shoko, but I can't find anybody in Shibuya. I only found Inumaki & Nanami, forcefully ordered them to find Shoko to tell them I'm alive & still trying to find a way to burst that damn box open."

"Do you really think you can open the prison realm?" Maki asked.

"I- I don't know. But I have to try," You said, trying not to tear up as you thought of your Satoru, "I have to get him out of there. Does this place have libraries with ancient stuff in it?"

"Yes. Do you think you can find shit in there?" Maki asked.

"Yes, I think this is the one place that has the information that I need."

"Let's go, sensei," Maki stood up & led the way.

[sarahsangelicdoll]

tw: mentions of harassment, death threats, rape threats, gore mention, trauma discussion, mentions of sh and relapsing

I know i’m a smaller blog, but i’ve unfortunately been dragged into completely unnecessary and unwarranted harassment due to me interacting with a singular post.

if you read darker content or even follow some blogs such as @bambrinaa you probably already know about what’s been happening: someone is harassing dark content writers, their mutuals and literally anyone who interacts with someone even the slightest bit connected to them.

this harassment includes death threats, dox threats, rape threats and even uncensored gore being sent to people.

i’ve been put on a ‘possibly supports’ list for a whole bunch of shit i don’t support. And all of this started because i interacted on somebodies post who happened to previously make a mis-worded noncon post.

this person was also harassing me and others under the guise of another writer- which worked, but not for long because they chose to boast about it afterwards.

my blogs have been bombarded with something regarding a rape joke someone i never even heard of prior to a couple weeks ago making an alleged rape joke. I’ve been expected to hold them responsible as if it’s any of my business what someone does. I’ve been told to name drop and so on. I’ve been getting held responsible for what someone else did. I’ve been receiving asks that are hateful towards me and others and than asks trying to turn me against other writers within the community.

but that’s not what i want to discuss, i know this person is still checking my blogs because they’re leaving absolutely ridiculous replies on my posts. So instead i want to explain to you what you’re actually doing.

I have never heard of most of these people. I don’t like nor support the content they post, and just because they write it does not mean they support it. I’ve had some of these people blocked as well.

Yeah, blocked. If you don’t like somebodies content, block them. Don’t go around harassing a whole bunch of fucking people.

Because your harassment believe it or not does affect people.

I’ve faced severe harassment and stalking before, i’ve received rape threats from someone i knew irl, i got sent disgusting shit like gore, which was usually the sh they inflicted upon themself. This person traumatized me so bad that when i was younger i physically could not bring myself to attend school because they were at the same school.

What you’re doing to try and ‘support’ victims is doing the complete opposite. While you may see no problems with your harassment, it scared the shit out of me. It has given me such severe ptsd panic attacks. You caused me to have such a severe disassociation episode in which i relapsed in bad habits that i’m sure i don’t need to write for you to know.

My own blog- something that used to feel safe now terrifies me because i come onto it and i’m met with harassment(which now has thankfully died down but still happens). Believe it or not trying to call me a predator or rape supporter does get to me because as much as i hate to say it, i’m sensitive. It fucks with me because i do everything i can to not support it. It’s not fair for me to be called these things for what somebody else did, even they don’t deserve to be harassed. Within these short couple days i’ve needed to go have sudden appointments with my therapist.

Your actions are having the complete opposite effect than you want. In my case it’s scaring me, a victim, someone you’re trying to claim to be ‘helping’.

With that said; I’ve decided to step away from social media for awhile. I’ll occasionally come on just to talk to my mutuals and occasionally write, but i need a break from social media. When i do return i highly doubt that i’ll be back on this blog immediately. Writing for obx no longer feels fun, i’m completely scared away from this blog. It feels overwhelming on this blog. I will read my amazing mutuals posts etc, but atp obx doesn’t feel as comforting as it did before. I’m also afraid of the harassment starting up again because last time this person left they suddenly came back with a buttload of hate, gore and accusations.

to this person: I truly hope you get help. It seems like you desperately need it, and i don’t mean it in a sarcastic way. My own feelings aside, i feel concerned for you. Please take a step back away from social media and focus on you, you need it.

edit: and to clarify, i am ok right now !! it was just a bad couple days

[ukulelevillainwrites]

who follows the rules anyway?

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9

complete

pairing : anthony lockwood x reader

word count : 6.7k

warnings : language ig?

content : a lot more plot, i'm settling all the elements i need to move forward and write pt8 (which i've been fantasizing and imagining since day 1 lol), reader meets Lucy and the gang finally has a plan

taglist : i've lost track lol @demigoddess-of-ghosts @cassiopeiia24 @archiveoftara

note : again i'm sorry this took so long, the weeks keep getting busier and the time flies by faster and i got hit with writer's block too at some point i think idk but i'm on vacation in three weeks and it should help (i hope) anyway i hope you enjoy :)

She didn’t know if she was still dreaming or not when she heard hurried footsteps climbing the stairs. She could hardly move and even though her eyes were open, all she could see were blurry shadows and the greenish light from the ghost lamp outside. For a moment she thought the voice she heard calling her name was her mind still playing tricks on her but the hands that grabbed hers were definitely real and convinced her she was awake. Someone turned on the light, blinding her. She blinked to see Lockwood sitting next to her on her bed, clutching her hands and asking if she was okay. George entered the room practically running, holding a rapier he must have taken just in case.

“We heard you screaming, what happened?” He asked, seemingly out of breath.

“I-I uh… um” She cleared her throat. “I gotta…”

She made a move to get out of bed.

“Come, we’ll make you some tea.”

George helped her up. Lockwood didn’t let go of her hand until she was out of reach with a concerned look on his face. He didn’t say anything, he just kept his gaze fixated on her.

George supported her down the stairs, though she didn’t really need it. But she felt bad that she woke them up, so she let him. Lockwood was in front of them, looking back every once in a while, to make sure she was okay. She must have really scared them to have them acting this way. Or they cared more about her than she realized.

They got down to the kitchen and Lockwood put the kettle on. George brought a blanket from the library to cover her, but she was still sweating from her dream and needed fresh air more than anything.

“So…” George started as he settled into the chair next to her.

“I had a nightmare.”

“Yes, we gathered that much…” Lockwood spoke for the first time in a while. His voice was hoarse, his tone serious. She would have felt like she was being reprimanded if his eyes hadn’t been so filled with worry. It made her want to apologize profusely.

“Though it sounded like you were getting murdered.” George added.

A heavy silence fell over the room. The two boys stared at her expectantly, waiting for an explanation.

“I tend to have intense dreams.” y/n finally said. “It doesn’t happen every time, but they can be very realistic. And that girl… I keep seeing her, but she never screamed at me like that.” She looked into her cup, images of the girl screaming at her flashing before her eyes.

“What girl?”

“I keep seeing this girl, she’s always telling me to find her and to look for her but I never know what she means. To be honest I had forgotten about her. But tonight, she just screamed at me, it was so loud you have no idea!”

“Actually, we sort of have an idea…” George said, burying his head between his arms. He looked like he was about to fall back asleep.

“I didn’t know I was actually screaming I’m sorry…”

“That girl screaming at you was all it took to wake us up in the middle of the night?” He mumbled.

“It’s not just that, I was in this haunted warehouse with agents attempting to clear it, the case went wrong, horribly wrong it was awful. I couldn’t move, I tried to help but I couldn’t do anything, I just stood there and watched.”

“Do you know who she is?” Lockwood asked. It looked like her story had piqued his interest.

“I have no idea… and I don’t know why I need to find her…”

“Maybe it’s just a dream, it doesn’t have to be a premonition. Don’t overthink it.”

“That way we could go back to sleep...” George said, his eyes now closed.

“You should go back to bed, I’m fine really. Thanks for the tea. And for checking up on me. That was sweet of you.”

They both gave her a warm smile. It made her feel even more guilty that she woke them up.

“George really you should get upstairs, you’re barely awake.”

He made a poor attempt at a protest but soon gave up and went back to his room. Lockwood was yawning too.

“You should go too, I’ll go back to the attic in a bit.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“Lockwood really I’m fine.”

“I don’t care I’m staying until you get back to sleep.”

She settled back into her chair, sipping her tea in silence. Lockwood was standing against the countertop, doing the same thing. She put her cup back onto the Thinking Cloth and tried to bring up her legs closer to her chest. The chair was too small and she bumped her knee into the table.

Lockwood took her mug and left the room without a word. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to follow him or if that was retribution for waking everyone up. She did anyway and found him in the library. He was settled on the couch, both their mugs resting on the coffee table beside it. She sat next to him and brought her legs up next to her, drawing her closer to him. She draped a blanket over her and took back her cup. Even though she was comfortable, her mind still hadn’t calmed down. She kept seeing images from her nightmare, the girl’s face screaming at her, the heavy doors closing on her teammates, sealing their fate. She was glad Lockwood stayed with her, his presence was comforting.

She finished her tea and put her mug down on the table.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better, thanks.” She said, sleepy-eyed.

“You should go back to bed, we have a lot to discuss tomorrow”

She stared at him wondering what he meant.

“Now that we’re officially involved in this whole Dufour mess we need to see how we’re going to clean it up.”

“Oh, right.”

“You look half asleep already, I’ll help you get back to the attic if you want.”

“No, don’t. I want to stay here, I don’t think I’d be able to fall back asleep in my room tonight.”

“Alright.” He hesitated. “I could… read to you if you’d like. It always helped me when I had nightmares as a kid.”

“I’m not a child!”

He was already picking a book from the bookshelf on the wall opposite the fireplace. He came back to settle next to her, bringing her closer and settling her head against his chest.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned with you it’s that sometimes it’s nice to have someone looking out for you.”

“Oh really?” She teased, but she was too exhausted to really give him a hard time.

“You have to ask for help sometimes.”

“Says the guy who couldn’t ask someone to tie his tie for him.”

He nudged her leg with his foot with a laugh. She settled against his chest to get more comfortable and when she finally stopped moving, he started reading in a low voice. The monotonous tone he kept rocked her to sleep. His arms kept her warm. She could feel his steady heartbeat beneath her fingers. She nodded off almost immediately.

When she woke up, the sun was already high, bathing the room in a soft glow. She slowly opened her eyes, feeling an even breath in her hair. Lockwood was still asleep, looking much more peaceful than she had ever seen him. His arms were wrapped around her, keeping her warm. It was more comfortable than the time she woke up with George on the other side of the sofa, probably because this time she was cuddling with her bedmate and not trying to share a couch too small for the both of them. It ended up being a relaxing night after all, the waking up part making up for the nightmare. They were breathing in unison, fitting perfectly in the tight space of the sofa. Her mind was still blurry, she wanted to fall asleep once more to stay in the peaceful state she was just in. She snuggled closer, her face in the crook of his neck as she hugged him tighter, when she realized what she was doing. She was hugging Lockwood, and he had his arms around her. And for the briefest moment she felt like he was hugging her back. Suddenly it all felt wrong. They were colleagues. He was her employer. And landlord. They had a job to do together. During her time at Fittes she never let herself get too close to her teammates, at least not that way. It had happened once or twice that she found herself attracted to one of her colleagues, but she always kept her distance, thinking of the disaster that could have happened if she had let her feelings take over. And yet here she was throwing caution to the wind and allowing herself to get closer than she had been with anyone in a long time. As hard as it was, she pulled away slowly, trying to get up without waking him. She could’ve sworn she felt him holding on to her, trying to pull her back, but once she was on her feet she saw him turn on his side, still asleep. Her imagination was playing tricks on her, giving her false hopes. She covered him with the blanket she had last night, studying his relaxed features. It was unfair how good he looked when he was sleeping. She forced herself to get into the kitchen before George could catch her staring.

It was a close call since he came down as the water started boiling in the kettle. He looked more awake than he had earlier. It eased her guilt knowing he had managed to get some rest.

“I didn’t hear you come up last night.” George remarked as he poured himself a cup.

“After I woke you up in the middle of the night I thought you’d be grateful for that.”

“I’m not complaining I’m just wondering if you got any sleep after that.”

“I did.” She smiled without adding anything, sipping her tea in silence.

“I didn’t hear Lockwood either.” He said innocently while stirring his tea. He didn’t sound like he was simply checking up on her anymore. His voice had an edge with the slightest hint of insinuation.

“You were so exhausted you could barely stand. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had slept through one of us falling down the stairs from the attic to the ground floor without opening an eye.”

“Actually, I had a hard time falling back asleep.” He took a sip looking up at the ceiling.

She didn’t answer. Whatever she could have said would have led to more teasing anyway. She blushed. He just smiled before offering her a biscuit. She didn’t get why he reacted that way. He was looking at her like she had something to hide. But he had fallen asleep with her on that same couch and it certainly hadn’t meant anything! Though, if she was honest with herself she was just annoyed that he could read her like an open book. She took a biscuit out of the box he was handing her, avoiding his knowing eyes and proud smirk.

“I’m guessing things are better between you two then…”

“I came up last night to tell you so, didn’t I?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Before she could throw the nearest dish towel at him Lockwood came in. An awkward silence fell over the room. At least y/n felt the tension. Lockwood didn’t seem to notice and George was back to pretending like his biscuit was the most important thing in the world. He was right of course, things really were better between them. So much better that she wished she could wake up this way every morning.

She didn’t let herself think about it. Nothing good could come of this. Except of course the comfort she felt when she was in his arms, the butterflies in her stomach that danced to the song playing in her mind whenever he looked at her. She froze. She needed to clear her head and started to walk out of the kitchen. Maybe taking a shower and getting ready for the day would help.

When she came back down, she could hear the boys arguing. The debate didn’t sound heated, so they were probably discussing an upcoming case.

“I’m telling you it’s far more logical to do it this way!”

“You never listen to what I have to say!”

She pushed the door open.

“What’s this all about?”

“Ah, y/n I’m glad you’re back.” Lockwood said, walking towards her and putting a hand on her shoulder. “I keep telling George that we should focus on discovering who is at the head of the whole relic operation but he won’t listen.”

“You’re the one not listening! We don’t know enough about the operation to aim so high right away.”

He slid his hand down to her arm. “What do you think?”

His touch was enough to make her mind go blank. “I- um... you’re catching me off guard. Could you walk me through it?”

“Well, I think that focusing on Dufour isn’t useful anymore. Since we know she isn’t in charge we should let her be and focus on whoever is behind this.”

“And I think we could still learn a lot from what she does and follow her.”

“Those are both… good points…” She was still very aware of Lockwood’s hand resting on her arm. She wasn’t used to this. He had been distant most of the time those past few weeks and the sudden change really disturbed her.

“Well, I know I’m right!”

“And I am too! You’d see that if you weren’t so stubborn.”

It really was the pot calling the kettle black. She tried not to laugh at their argument as she crossed her arms, not so subtly removing Lockwood’s hand form her arm.

“You should just go your separate ways then, meet up later today to debrief the info you both get?”

“Yes, I guess we could do that.” They both nodded. “What do you do then, y/n?” Lockwood asked her, crossing his arms.

“I’ll go with George!” She said, realizing it came out a little too loud. Lockwood shot her a confused glance. “I’m just… curious to see what she’s up to… is all.” She tried to justify.

Lockwood briefly frowned before approving their plan, telling them they should meet back at the house at 4pm.

---

“You jumped awfully fast at the chance to come with me on this stake out.” George commented.

“I’m always excited at the thought of working with you Georgie!”

He rolled his eyes at her. She wasn’t being subtle, and he let her know it.

“Plus, I’m genuinely curious to see what this bitch is up to.”

That got a laugh out of him.

They were heading towards the Fittes building to see if maybe they could spot their nemesis stepping out to run one of her fraudulent errands. As they got closer to their old employer’s offices, she noticed familiar faces. She spotted several agents she used to see down Fittes corridors. As they crossed the road, she passed a guy who used to be on her team. She waved politely but was met with a dark stare. She couldn’t remember anything she could have done to upset him, then realized it was probably the aftermath of that offensive column. Her pace quickened, fueled once more by anger. She was determined to see what that horrible woman was up to and most importantly to find out how to bring her down. She was so furious she could have just walked into her office to strangle her. Hopefully George grabbed her arm and led her down a street far enough to remain unseen. He kneeled down to get out a hat and a pair of sunglasses out of his bag.

“Put these on, we don’t want Dufour to recognize us.”

“What are these eggs for?” She asked as she tried on the sunglasses.

“They might come in handy if we spot her car!”

It would have been a great relief, but she didn’t have time to appreciate the mental image she got. Dufour was getting out of the Fittes building across the street, seemingly in a hurry, carrying a large duffel bag. And so, the stake out began.

They tried to keep enough distance to remain discreet and followed her for the next hour. They weren’t sure that following her would lead them somewhere useful or if they would learn anything new. The fact that their old supervisor kept walking without stopping didn’t help. y/n even started to think that she didn’t have a destination at all and was just messing with them. That was until they reached an imposing building located near Clerkenwell Road. As Dufour got closer to the glass doors at the entrance, she looked around as if to make sure no one saw her go in. y/n and George had to hide several times behind cars or newspaper stands to avoid getting caught. The first time she turned around y/n felt her heart sink as she pulled George down with her, crouching behind a parked car. But it was a good sign, it probably meant that she had something to hide. They remained far from the building to remain unseen. George eagerly wrote down the address in his notebook. She could tell how pleased he was with their discovery before he even turned to congratulate his plan, his smile getting wider with every letter he wrote. They waited for her to come back out. She took her time. When she finally emerged from the building an hour later, she didn’t carry the bag anymore. Whatever was in it had to be valuable. Dufour started walking back the way she had come. They ducked and slowly entered the nearest café.

Since it was only 2 and they were starving, they decided to take a break, unable to come back out without being seen anyway. They settled at a table far from the window. They ordered tea and some pastries to share and discussed different theories, trying to figure out what the woman could be up to.

“Given her track record it’s fair to assume that her bag had sources in it right?”

“I’m surprised Fittes didn’t bat an eyelash since she started her operation. I mean she can’t be that subtle…” His eyes lit up. “What if Fittes was involved?”

“Maybe…” She didn’t want to bring down his enthusiasm but she was already picturing him getting way too far from the matter at hand. “Let’s focus on bringing her down for now. If you’re still mad at Fittes after that we’ll see what we can do.” She said with a laugh.

“Right. Then we should try to see what this building is.”

“It’s the Silverpoint Organization building!” said a voice behind her that made her jump.

“Norrie? What are you doing here?”

“Hey George! Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. I came to see my girlfriend, she just started her shift. But then I saw you two and I knew you had to be discussing something interesting given all the rumors these past few days… I couldn’t resist.”

“Actually, you could help us a lot!”

y/n greeted the girl as she sat down next to her. The last time she had seen them was at the furnaces. Apparently, the chat she had with George that night inspired her to do some investigating of her own. She had paid closer attention to the weird things she had noticed and caught a guy stealing a source red-handed. Not only did she get the source back to burn it but she also managed to get some information out of him. y/n was really impressed.

“So, I made him understand that he’d better tell me what he wanted to do with the source. That’s when he told me he was to bring it to this building across the street. I dug a little further and turns out it’s the Silverpoint Organization, whatever that is.”

“I’ll have to look into that.” George said while scribbling in his notebook. She didn’t think his smile could get any wider and yet it did.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were passing by!” called a voice behind them.

Norrie turned around to greet her girlfriend. The girl sat in front of her, saying something about having some time before the beginning of her shift. She had short wavy hair, auburn color, almond brown eyes. Her face was round and delicate. She looked friendly, but the warmth of her smile wasn’t enough to keep y/n from freezing. After all, that girl had woken her up in the middle of the night screaming just a few hours ago.

---

“And that’s why we should go after the money trail.”

Lockwood had been talking nonstop since he had walked through the door. He didn’t notice the heavy silence filling the living room. Or the haunted expression on y/n’s face.

“So, you somehow got your hands on an envelope supposedly used by that old man, who you think runs the operation, to pay a relic man who, again supposedly, brought him sources and that’s enough to convince you that you have a proof of the transactions?” George’s eyebrows were furrowed. Confusion filled his stare and his mouth was slightly agape. He looked baffled and not in a good way.

“That’s not all I found, didn’t you listen to what I just said?” Lockwood retorted, unfazed and still so sure of himself. “I have a reliable source telling me that they saw the guy take the money out of the envelope and it also has a strange code on it that has to link him back to wherever the money’s from. There must be a record of it somewhere. They wouldn’t bother writing such a long code on an envelope that gets left in the street if it didn’t have a purpose.”

“And you think this maze is worth getting lost in?”

“We won’t get lost! Like I told you I have contacts to help us out!”

“With relic men transactions? I’d love to meet them.” George still didn’t seem convinced.

“So, what do you think?” Lockwood asked with a triumphant smile, ignoring his friend’s objections.

“You don’t even care a little about what we discovered?”

He looked around the room, finally conceding them a glance. His smile fell as he looked into her eyes.

“What happened?”

It was George’s turn to talk restlessly about their day. Y/n looked at their exchange back and forth and listened to George tell Lockwood all about their successful stake out and their encounter with Norrie. There were times where she couldn’t focus on what they were saying, too caught up in the strange feeling that had followed her all the way home. Lucy had been lovely and tried to make her feel at ease even though y/n had stared at her like a deer caught in headlights for the better part of five minutes. They exchanged a few words about adapting to life in London and leaving agency work behind, though only partly for Norrie who wanted to do her best to help even without being back in the field. They never mentioned the incident that had led them here, just that they had left agency work. y/n knew why the girls had decided to change their lifestyle but nodded and smiled without ever referencing her dreams. She thought it would probably freak them out plus she didn’t want to bring up the horrible event that probably traumatized them in the first place. She tried to focus back on George’s explanations. He was excited to start researching the Silverpoint Organization. It was obvious that Lockwood was frustrated that his idea hadn’t gotten the attention he thought it would have. He sat back to let George talk with a barely hidden exasperated look on his face. But when he locked eyes with her his face slightly softened, allowing George to finish his theory.

“You’re awfully silent, y/n.” Lockwood said as he came to sit down next to her on the couch.

“We met Lucy today.”

She was met with a questioning stare.

“The girl from my dream.”

This triggered more frowning.

“As it turns out Norrie’s girlfriend Lucy is also the girl who woke me up screaming.”

George was still scribbling in his notebook. Lockwood didn’t say a word.

“I don’t really get it either. Hence the silence.”

He grabbed her hand in both of his. He was gentle, like her bones would break if he made any sudden movements.

“Do you… want to talk about it?”

“I don’t think there’s a lot to talk about for now.” She said gently. She still didn’t know what to do with this and didn’t want to burden anyone. “But thank you…” She took back her hand, smoothed down her skirt and sat back, coincidently distancing herself from him. “How about we just get back to Dufour?”

“Right…” He flexed his hand while looking down. He looked back at her, his usual smirk curving his lips. “You can’t let it go, can you?”

“Remind me when you let go of your rivalry with Kipps?”

He smiled, pausing for a second. There was a complicity in the look they shared. The butterflies in her stomach fluttered their wings. She pushed the feeling down as much as she could, trying to win their staring match without blushing. She failed, obviously. Lockwood got up with a satisfied look on his face.

“So, what should we do? I mean… I think my lead is pretty solid…” He said looking up at the ceiling.

“No, it’s not. It’s numbers on a torn envelope Lockwood!” George retorted.

“What do you think y/n?”

“When it comes to instinct, you told me to always listen to George and I followed that rule religiously since I joined the agency.”

“Like following the rules is going to help us with your revenge plan…” He rolled his eyes. But he didn’t look offended or disappointed. He looked…proud?

“But fine it’s two against one anyway and I’m a fair leader. We’ll start with this organization and see what we find.”

George didn’t need more. He rushed back to his room, slamming the door with a renewed determination. They probably wouldn’t see him again until dinner. A silence fell over the room. Her mind wandered, going back to the girl haunting her nights. She had asked her to find her and she had. Now what? She didn’t feel relieved, and meeting that girl hadn’t felt like she was fulfilling some prophecy, accomplishing her fate in a high-pressure decisive moment. What if she had been too late? What if from the start she was supposed to help Lucy save her team? Maybe she was cursed with the guilt she had felt in her nightmare, forever unable to sleep soundly again.

A hand resting on her wrist brought her back to reality. Lockwood had sat back down next to her and was stroking his thumb back and forth on her skin in a soothing way.

“We’ll work it out.” He reassured her. “The answer could be in the extensive research George will make us do.” She looked at him unconvinced, but she appreciated his effort to make her feel better.

“He’s not gonna let us rest, is he?”

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

“On the bright side, if I’m exhausted it might keep my mind off this.”

He held her hand tighter before letting go. She almost reached for his arm to get him to sit back down next to her. As he told her to get some rest before the busy day awaiting them, she ran back upstairs, her wrist still tingly.

The week that followed was in fact a busy one. They followed a strict schedule of intense research, rigorous preparation of their cases and efficient ghost clearing. The military-like organization was all George of course. He took the habit of waking them at 7:30 sharp by knocking repeatedly on their door until they were up to tell him to stop. They were among the first people present at the archives. Each day George assigned articles and newspaper respectively to Lockwood and her while he worked on the case they had that night. At noon they would switch, George looking over their research while they got familiar with the case before heading home to prep their bags for the evening. It was exhausting but she had to admit that it was yielding results. In just a week they had uncovered detailed information about the organization, how it was founded, who it was founded by, and why it was created in the first place. George had summed up the information both in their casebook and on the Thinking Cloth. Every morning as she drank her cup of tea she could read:

“Silverpoint organization – 1996 – founder Theodor Mullet of Mullet & Sons

TM eldest son and heir to M&S, created Sp Org to “further his father’s legacy” and protect agents against field injuries unrelated to ghost-lock

One fundraiser organized each year

Strong link to M&S rapier supplier

Funds from Fittes?

No financial records or official information available”

She couldn’t help feeling insulted that she slept so little only for their hard work to be summed up in a few lines. She didn’t complain however, at least she had helped find some of this information. Lockwood on the other hand was out of his depth. Research had never been the part he excelled at. He was too impatient and couldn’t sit still. By default, George took the lead but y/n could feel Lockwood’s pride taking a hit. If George, resident researcher of 35 Portland Row, was now in charge, what good was he? He tried his best to remain helpful by offering theories of his own. He kept insisting that the lack of financial records was suspicious and that his hunch was right. Of course, he did so without an ounce of pettiness and repeated that they should have listened to him from the start. y/n had a hard time believing him. His frustration started to show and it affected his work. During cases at night, he was bolder, trying to show off. At one point they were fending off a visitor which could have been easily handled at two while George looked for the source yet he picked this time to demonstrate the new move he had been practicing all day. The night had ended with a rush to the hospital and three stitches.

Today was a close call too. He had jumped down a flight of stairs to get between her and a visitor. She thought he probably had good intentions but she had her rapier ready and the situation was under control. It was a relief to see he didn’t break anything, a miracle frankly. She didn’t need a third time to decide to act. She would talk to George in the morning to convince him to spend some time looking into Lockwood’s lead.

They came back home exhausted, George going to bed immediately to stick to his schedule. She was about to do the same when she noticed the light was on in the library. She wasn’t surprised to see Lockwood sitting there with one of his magazines in his lap, acting like the day had no effect on him. He simply smiled at her when she entered and kept reading. She told him that he should rest. He simply hummed in agreement but didn’t move except to turn the page. She was about to give up and leave him there when he bolted up to show her the page he was on. It was a double page ad for an open-door day at Mullet&Sons, inviting clients to try their new line of rapiers and meet the board. The perfect occasion to get closer and hopefully find out more about the founder of the Silverpoint Organization. A light brightened his eyes as he smiled at her. She was certain he wouldn’t shut up about his finding.

A call the next day brought their enthusiasm back down. Right before they left for the Archives, Inspector Barnes had called. Lockwood had answered. His smile had faltered as the conversation went on. He hung up and stayed silent until George asked him what he wanted. Apparently, the inspector had called to warn them again. Only this time the threat had become much more real. Superiors at DEPRAC had taken an interest in the complaints against them, mostly to get Fittes off their back Lockwood thought. But it didn’t matter why, what mattered was that the ridiculous rehabilitation program offered by an unqualified journalist was getting more consideration than originally thought. One mishap would turn y/n and George into the first test subjects of this “educational” experiment. They were now under more surveillance than before. Sneaking into Mullet&Sons offices during their next event was out of the question, they’d be the first accused.

They stood in the hallway in silence, unsure what to do next. Researching more at the Archives seemed futile now.

“I might have an idea.” Lockwood said.

They looked up at him expectantly.

“We go after the financial records.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake Lockwood.” George swore. She understood his frustration. Being right didn’t matter now, and this was really not the time. Plus, stealing financial records wasn’t much better to remain far from suspicions.

“Lockwood…” She looked up at him. “We don’t have a way to do that legally and we’ll be the first interrogated. How could we even give evidence to DEPRAC, if we ever find any?”

“We get ourselves an airtight alibi.” He said proudly, like it was obvious.

They stared at him with a beaten expression, still not knowing what he had in mind. He went to the library and came back with the magazine he was reading last night. He eagerly handed it to them, open on a page featuring one of those fancy parties that took place occasionally. Though it wasn’t just any party, it was a fundraiser for the Silverpoint Organization. The next fundraiser was taking place next week and for the occasion an article was referencing last year’s event.

“We get into this party, make sure that everyone sees us and hopefully get some information about Theodor while talking to the guests.”

“But what about the records?”

“We’ll need some extra help.” He said before winking at her.

---

“By getting traces of the transactions between the organization and relic-men we can bring down the operation. And for that we need your help.”

Lockwood was back to his usual self. Charming, self-assured and most importantly in charge. The two girls in front of him had very different reactions. Norrie seemed to have made up her mind already, looking over at George every once in a while like she was in a hurry to get to work. Lucy was more skeptical. She looked like she was battling conflicted emotions. y/n didn’t blame her. They barely knew each other and they were asking her to steal financial records. They had just given up on a whole life, trying to adapt and they should throw all that away to help people they had just met? It was madness and y/n felt bad for asking them such a thing. But she didn’t really have a choice. Aside from them, there weren’t a lot of candidates.

After his whole speech, Lockwood sat in front of them, determination piercing through his eyes. He quirked his lips up in the slightest. She knew all too well this intense stare and irresistible smile. She hadn’t managed to turn him down, not many could. He spoke in a softer voice to try and convince Lucy to join their cause. And it was working, she was considering it. She said she needed time to think it over. But Lockwood wasn’t usually patient. y/n knew what would come next. A compassionate and understanding tirade so sincere you couldn’t help but join his side. But she knew what Lucy had been through, she was there sort of. Not ten seconds after Lockwood had started speaking again she interrupted.

“Lockwood stop.”

“Is there something wrong?”

“Don’t do this, just give her some time to think it over.”

“We don’t have a lot of time y/n!” He turned back to Lucy. “And as much as I understand the difficult position this puts you in-”

“Just shut up Lockwood!”

George sighed and buried his head in his hands. Norrie asked him what was wrong.

“They had just started to get along!”

y/n ignored his comments.

“Lucy, I’m sorry if we made you uncomfortable. I completely understand if you don’t want to join us and stay far away from anything agency related. I just think that we can trust you and we desperately need allies right now. We don’t need a definitive answer now, but do you think you could give it some thought… maybe?”

Lucy looked up at her with a softness in her gaze. She was scarred, that much was clear. She seemed afraid too. But there was much more than that. There was resilience and bravery. An ember in the ashes.

“I’ll think about it.” She said with a thin smile. They exchanged a glance that was enough to make y/n feel a deep connection to the girl. She reached for Norrie’s hand as they exited the room. There was so much more she wanted to say to her. She wanted to tell her about her dreams, about the relief she felt now that she got to know her. The platonic attraction she felt was overwhelming. She had never wanted to be friends with someone so ardently. There was something special about her. She didn’t know if it was El’s betrayal that left a scar or if her dreams were a sign of a deeper bond, but she desperately wanted to find out. She led them back in the hall and slowly closed the door behind them.

She turned to find Lockwood staring at her with a hurt look on his face.

“What the hell was that?”

“I’m… sorry…”

“I’ve been jumping through hoops with you since I met you and I’m getting tired of it.”

Her heart sank.

“Yeah, that’s fair. In my defense, I knew what you were doing and I couldn’t in good conscience let you go through with it.”

“What was I doing?”

“Faking compassion to get what you want.”

“Oh please, not that again. I was just trying to get the help we need. We’re in this mess because of you need I remind you.”

“Lucy’s been through a lot and she deserves genuine sympathy, not some fake act you put on every time we have a difficult client. I still have nightmares about what happened to them, you can’t imagine how it feels.”

“I can actually.”

There was a silence. He looked deeply hurt. She didn’t dare speak, knowing the matter was probably more sensitive than she realized.

“I’m doing everything I can to help you and I need you to be more cooperative. I’m not risking the reputation of my company if this is the thanks I get.”

“You’re right…” She said after a moment. “I went too far.”

He nodded. They stood in silence, neither of them daring to move.

“Just don’t be mean to me again.”

“I won’t.”

He turned to enter the kitchen.

“I wasn’t really mean though…” She said on a hesitant tone. “I was rude sure. But mean… Kipps is mean. He degrades you and all…” She didn’t even know why she said that. A desperate attempt at lightening the mood, giving Lockwood a reason to redirect his anger at someone else. It was pathetic. She could already see herself unable to sleep months from now living the shame of this moment all over again.  

“Oh, so you agree with me now?” He answered turning around. “When did you take the “best leader of the best team” off his pedestal?”

She smiled.

“You’re still a bigger prick than he is though.”

He smiled back.

“Tea?”

[unknownteapot]

Sorry sis but its kind of fucked up you just abandones your Shourtney fic and only write amangela I get it your favs change and thats fine but just a bit rude imo

okay, anon.

first off- not a huge fan of being called ‘sis’, especially when you go on to call me rude. please stick to unknownteapot or Q, thank you.

secondly- i completely understand where you’re coming from, trust me there’s around 15 asks in my inbox (respectfully) asking me to update ‘between icy blues’- i get being frustrated at me, but please DO NOT call me rude for not putting in my spare time to do something i started because it was fun to me. this is not a real book, i write fic for fun, you can’t call me fucked up or rude for losing interest or being busy or whatever. to anyone else who sent me respectful, humane asks about this- i promise i’m trying my best. i’m not ignoring your asks, i just feel shitty for not having a chapter up and i don’t wanna talk about the fic/remind people of it while i don’t have anything.

last- i’m sorry, anon, i really am. i know its been months, i know, okay? trust me, that google doc’s been open for months i see the open tab whenever i open my laptop but just can’t? i don’t know what it is- maybe the fact that i know there’s people reading it makes me so scared to publish something shitty that i just freeze and can’t write, or maybr its a simple case of writer’s block. but in any case, guilt-tripping me does not help i promise you. anyway, if you think fic writer owe you things, don’t read fics!!!

please don’t send me asks like this. this is the first ‘mean’ ask i ever got and god this made me sad holy shit.

[loohser]

toxic!Ellie pt. 2

a/n: me love toxic ellie :))))). Going thru massive writers block atm so please stick with me y'all. Have many drafts started so if u sent me a request theres a good chance that i started it!!! Also Dina kinda goes sicko mode in this. Smooches for everyone and they momma

Word count: 1.6k

<3 <3 <3 <3 

“Ellie, get off.” You grumbled. 

You feel Ellie let out a small laugh from where her head is laying on your chest at your complaining. “But you're so comfy babes.” She wrapped her arm around your midriff and pulled you closer to her. 

“But I have somewhere to be! Don’t be mean.” 

“You think this is me being mean? I can show you mean.” She told you seriously. She sat up against the headboard and pulled you into her chest.

You frowned at her, “Ugh you're so annoying. I have to tutor someone in 10 minutes!” You start to get up from the bed but she grabs your arm last minute and pulls you back to her body. You let out a huff and rolled your eyes. She grabbed your chin and pulled your face right in front of hers. “Don’t ever fucking roll your eyes at me again. Understood?” You widen your eyes at her sudden seriousness. 

“Fine.” You snipped at her. “I have to go. Or I’ll be late.” You stood up firmly this time in case she were to pull you down again. You started to pack your backpack to take to your study session. 

Ellie watched as you gathered your items. She knew as soon she said her last words to you that she struck a nerve. She hasn’t gotten that strict with you before so she was afraid that she scared you off. She watched as you scrambled to pull on your shoes. “Hey, maybe I can drive you? By the time you get back it’ll be dark and I don’t want you by yourself at night.” She stood up and walked towards you. 

You pulled back from Ellie and headed towards the door. “No, it’s fine. I’ll take my car, thanks.” 

You slipped off your sneaker that wasn’t going up your heel and switched to your crocs that sit beside the door. 

“Hey, don’t be like that. Lemme drive you.” She started searching for her car keys. You held up your hand. “Ellie, I’m serious. I can drive myself. Go smoke some weed or something. You need to chill the fuck out.” As soon as you said that you turned around and left the room. You were scared as fuck and didn’t want to see her reaction. You looked down at your phone and saw 2 missed calls from Abby. “Fuck.” You whispered. 

<3 <3 <3 <3 

You pulled up from Abby’s apartment and let yourself in. You saw her sitting on the couch. “Abby I am so sorry. Ellie didn’t want me to leave. But you know me, I pulled out the big guns and left anyway.” You flexed your non-existent muscles and sat down next to her on the couch. She watched you explain with a smile on her face. “Oh yeah? You my strong girl?” She smirks as she puts her arm around you. As soon as Abby leans into your personal bubble you start blushing. You like the way Abby makes you feel.

You looked at her shyly. “Yeah.” You whispered. She laughs, “Why so quiet all of a sudden? You literally just tried to flex on me.” 

You shrugged your shoulders and looked away. She hummed to herself and cleared her throat. “So, wanna tell me about Ellie? Like how you two became friends?” 

You perked up. “How come?” 

“Look, Sam told me something crazy about Ellie today and I just want to make sure you're okay. Ellie is fucking crazy, to put it simply.” 

“Wait. The same Sam that canceled on me when we met?” 

She hummed to herself, “Yeah. But that’s not the whole truth. Ellie apparently scared the fuck outta her and told her to stay away from you.” 

You lightly slapped her shoulder. “No way! She wouldn’t do that!” 

“Well apparently she would. And she did. Sam almost shit her pants so she stayed home. She didn’t want to test Ellie.” 

You stayed silent. You had trouble imagining Ellie scaring someone off for you. She was your best friend. Why would she do that? You had to talk to her about it. 

Abby waved a hand in your face. “You okay there?” 

You nodded. “Yeah. Just in shock I guess.” 

“So you gonna tell me how you two met?” 

You let out a breath of air. “We met in our freshmen year. We’ve been roommates since day one. I didn’t know her prior to college. But we seemed to click when we met on our first day.” 

“Hm, that’s it? Knowing Ellie I would’ve assumed that you two have been friends for years.” 

You suddenly faced her direction. “What about you two? No offense but Ellie hates you.” 

She laughs, “Non taken I guess. One random day freshman year, I ran into her because we were both turning a corner and she happened to be holding coffee in her hand. She yelled the fuck outta me but I assume the reason why she gotten so mad was because she was with a girl. She was tryna look cool and I messed that up for her.” She looks down at her lap and laughs at the memory. “What a cunt.” 

“Hey! I’m sorry that she did that, but she’s still my best friend and my roommate.” 

“You could be my roommate instead. If you ever get tired of her, you can come here whenever you want.” 

You smile warmly at her, “Really? Thanks Abs.” 

“I would do anything for you. Now come on. Let’s go see a movie or something.” She stands up from the couch and takes your hand in hers. Next thing you know you're laying in Abby Anderson’s bed with her arms around you. 

<3 <3 <3 <3

“Son of a bitch.” Ellie mumbled to herself. 

“I don’t know why you let her tell you off, Ellie. If she said that to me I would’ve locked her ass in my dorm room.” Dina said as she rolled another joint. 

She scoffed at her, “I can’t do that. She would hate me. Plus, you should’ve seen the look on her face when I snapped at her for rolling her eyes at me. She looked so sad. I made my girl so sad.” 

“Oh boo fucking hoo. You need to be more firm with her Ellie. Look at her, she fucking called me your guard dog. She needs to learn some respect.” 

“Oh my god, I know.” Ellie groaned as she sat up from her bed. “I’m sorry that she said that Dina. She didn’t mean it. Trust me.” 

“Whatever Els. If she says shit like that to me again, I will make her cry. And I’m not gonna feel bad.” 

Ellie laughs, “Yeah I know you won’t feel bad. Fucking bitch.” 

“Hey I’m just warning you.” Dina laughs while nudging her shoulder with Ellies. 

Ellie looked down at her phone. “Hey, she’s on her way. At least she texted me right? That means she won't be pissed at me.” 

Dina hums to herself, “Yeah, maybe. Good luck with that though.” She gets up and starts to get her stuff. 

“Hey, where are you going? You can stay.” She looks at Dina with a pout on her face. 

“I don’t really wanna be around your girl toy. I already have to put up with her during class.” 

Ellie let out a huff, “Fine. But if you run into her on your way out though, don’t be a bitch.” 

“Hm, maybe, maybe not.” She winks at Ellie. “See you tomorrow Els.” 

“Yeah, bye.” She watches Dina as she leaves. She kinda hates that her two favorite people don’t like each other. She didn’t know what she would do if the other person made her choose one or the other. It’s not fair. Ellie will make you two be friends. Even if she had to force you two. You had to get along with Dina. Especially if Ellie was going to ask you out soon. She just had to make sure that her competition was out of the way. That’s why she had to get rid of Sam. Sam is a cunt and will always be a cunt. And she’s a pussy. Who the fuck gets scared of one threat? If anyone ever threated Ellie to stay away from you, she would’ve laughed in their face and told them to go fuck themselves. 

Ellie watches as the door opens and you appear in the doorway. “Hey babes, how was the study session?” She watched you as you took off your crocs and put them by the door. She saw how your face looked confused for a second. But that look on your face quickly disappeared. 

“Oh yeah, it was good. Felt like they understood quickly.” You start to grab your pajamas from your drawer. 

“Yeah? It’s because you're such a good teacher.” She looked down at her hands. 

“Well, I can’t take all the credit. She’s a smart girl.” 

Ellie snapped her head up to look at you. “She? I thought you were helping some dude named Timmy?” 

You froze in your spot. “Did I? Oh well, it was some girl. I must’ve gotten mixed up. But anyways, I’m gonna change.” You quickly rush into the restroom. 

Ellie's face hardened. She knew you were lying to her. Why would you lie about who you were tutoring? Unless you were lying because you knew that it was with someone that Ellie had beef with? But that could be a lot of people. “Fuck.” She thought to herself. Guess she was gonna have to check your phone while you were sleeping tonight.

[starbunii]

Tropes my beloved,, cn I get Baizhu, Barbara, and Mikan Tsumiki w/ a chronically ill s/o?

# . illness 𓂃 ♥︎

𝜗𝜚 ┈ baizhu, barbara, and mikan x reader (seperate) ! ｡

notes: IM SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG; WRITER'S BLOCK HAS BEEN KICKING MY BUTT LATELY </3

also, i don't know too much abt chronic illness, so some of this might be portrayed wrong! please feel free to give me constructive criticism so i can write it better in the future!

headcanons ノ fluffノgn! reader ノcanon universe

second person pov !! please enjoy! ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶

+ ° . ୨ ♡ ୧ . °

╰╮🩰🧁〣 ♡ 〢🥛

baizhu

basically a human alarm clock; reminding you when to take your meds, eat your food, go to bed; everything!!

really tries to push more herbal remedies. he's glad you're already on more standard medication, but he'd also like to use essential oils and certain vegetables and grasses on top of that

cooks every meal for you, even though he knows you can do it yourself. he just loves providing for you

changsheng curls up on your lap while he's providing for you; be it cooking or giving you your medicine <3

barbara

constantly fusses over you...like all the time

she just wants to make sure you're ok!! even if that means dragging you to sit in the pews while she mops up the floor or assist others in prayer

100% prays to barbatos to take your pain away. she doesn't care that you're ill; she's happy to take care of you. she just hates seeing you hurt

she scolds you whenever you over-exert yourself, but makes sure you're ok first

mikan

does not trust doctors to help you with meds. she knows what she's doing!! she can take care of you herself!! ofc, she knows you have to go anyway, and won't put up a fight...but she'll give her own input from time to time

has a small case full of comfort items, esp if your body starts to hurt a lot. it'll be full with sweaters, blankets, stuffed animals, and medicine

she loves helping you, but is also really scared she'll make things worse..either way, she'll do her best! with minimal direction, ofc...

follows you almost everywhere!! despite her shyness, she's very stubborn. she doesn't let anyone else fuss over you

starbunii 2024 — all rights reserved. do not redistribute or translate to any other platforms

[sammylbir]

Redoing my Intro (DMS are always open)

Ok so...since I think I need to be a lot more transparent bout myself and this blog, I think its time to redo my intro ya see. Soo..let's do it.

Hey, boys/girls/nbies/whateva! :D

I am Sammy, an artist/writer/voice actress and someone who has a passion for all things that make me feel happy :D. I am 22 Years old and I am german, going by She/Her pronouns.

This blog will feature mainly stuff bout Danganronpa and also bout my love for buff people. I especially like it when fictional chars get buffed up through a variety of means heh...But don't worry, I will do my best to keep it all appropriate heh. Don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable here.

I selfship myself with Miu Iruma and Angie Yonaga, buuut I am not opposed to anyone sharing my love for those two.

Now then, what will this blog feature in general? Simple! It will feature:

-Fanart

-Fanfiction

-Headcanons

-Analysis

-Me rambiing bout stuff I love (Especially buff characters)

-Queer Topics :D

-Selfshipping :D

And here are some things that I am into:

-Danganronpa

-Monster Prom

-Coraline

-Pokemon

-Welcome Home

-Don't Hug Me I'm Scared

-My OCS

BYF:

-I will ramble about buff people a lot and I like the thought of chars that are buff that are not in canon. I understand that this isn't everyone's cup of tea and I respect that.

-The blog will feature tons of queer stuff, so if you don't like that....well, why are ya here?

-The blog will sometimes mention dark topics, especially in my analysis posts. I will add TWs sometimes, but still. Stay safe.

-While you can ask me anything, don't ask me sensitive info. Okay?

-I am an adult and while I am fine with minors interacting with me, do know that I am 22. Because I understand that minors can be put-off, by me being much older.

-If I make you uncomfortable in the chat, PLEASE say it. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

-Regarding proshippers or antishippers, both can come here. But in case of the former, please don't just ramble to me bout proships. Because some seriously rub me the wrong way.

-While the topics I write about can be dark in general, I am not glorifying these actions. Because even if it's fiction, it still feels real.

DNI:

-If you are here to flirt with me or hit on me. I am not looking for relationships.

-If you want to do NSFW rps with me. I will not do any of that, ESPECIALLY NOT WITH MINORS. Because I am not attracted to kids.

-If you come to harass me in the DMs. You will be blocked.

-If you wanna start discourse about political topics.

-If you wanna harass me over my hcs. I get that not all of my hcs have to be liked by everyone, but I am not forcing you to agree with them.

-If you are just a sh*tty person in general.

So yeah, that's all there is to it. My DMs are always open, so if you wanna chat, feel free to say hi. This gal will be happy to see you ^^

[kxowledge]

Love your posts about your academic journey! ♡ You come across as a highly intelligent and goal-oriented person. Could you tell us more about how you organize time during typical research/writing days and find ways to keep on moving when you hit a writer's block (assuming you do 😅) or lose a bit of motivation?

Thank you my dear!

To be fair, for my master’s thesis/dissertation I wrote a literature review and I pretty much spent all of my time reading in the first few months, writing only very little and mostly to figure out what I was doing. The last month instead I pretty much only wrote – everyday. I wouldn’t recommend it and I don’t think it is a schedule that would suit most people.  

I’m not really sure how I will organise my days going forward (i.e. for thePhD), as I’ll have to juggle coursework / TA duties / conducting my own research / reading papers / writing / etc. I’ve been asking myself the exact question you pose and I haven’t come up yet with an answer. At the moment, I don’t really have a good idea of how to best structure my own days.

In terms of (academic) writer’s block, I think I’ve gotten good at managing it. I try to identify why am I not progressing or why am I avoiding writing a specific chapter or paragraph.

Two things really help with the mental block:

Outlining and breaking things down into fragments. What does each chapter have to say? how is each single chapter organised? what subsections should be in the chapter? what do I have to write in this section? I figure out the broad outline early on and the specific stuff as I go.

I write ‘ugly’ drafts. I just force myself to write, even if I feel like it’s not well said. The point is figuring out what do I need to say. Sometimes what I write is not actually bad, sometimes it is and I have to edit it after, but it’s much easier once I know what the gist of the sentence is. Basically, I keep asking myself: what do I want to say here?  Then I write it down, even imperfectly and work from there.

However, this assumes that I know what to say, which actually isn’t always the case. That’s the research side of things. I actually have to figure things out beforehand. Some of it is just thinking, some of it is gathering data. That means putting writing aside and doing the other side of research work. And that’s the side I struggle a lot with (also editing). I tend to lose motivation and get very overwhelmed when I don’t fully see why I should be doing something i.e. I don’t think the research will be fruitful, I don’t think I have a good research question, etc. That’s also the point I find myself in right now – very scared to start because I don’t know what the end product will look like and hence planning for it is hard. The answer to this is trusting the process, but that’s easier said than done.