#i was really happy they had both versions of you're so square but i don't care like i wanted that for rami

[dengswei]

Hii you're so talented!! i wonder if you could explain how you did this gif effect with the squares? and do you have any tips on colouring because yours is always top notch <3333

heyy thank you so much 🥹 and of course! i've never really done a tutorial before but i'll try my best to explain it in a way that makes sense 😅

so i start off with making my two gifs seperatly and colouring them as i normally would, once i've done that i load both gifs into the same project and once i've done all that i started on the grid part:

now go to view -> add guides and this window should pop up:

(it's was so daunting at first when i saw this i was like ????? and started putting in random numbers and was like oh that's how this works 🤣)

here's the settings i used for my gif which is 540px x 500px in size with 5 squares x 4 squares: (if you want more or less you just have to play around with it)

once you've done that it should look something like this:

now the next part is really up to preference again: add a vector mask onto the gif that's above the other one like this: (ignore the name of my folder that is irrelevant 🤣)

and then i used the rectangle select tool (this is because the rectangle select should lock onto the grid squares making it easier to erase certain sections) + a black brush tool to erase the squares to show the other gif that's underneath (you can reposition both gifs to your liking which is what i did)

before & after:

so my vector mask looks like this afterwards

(you don't have to do the squares so close together like i did it was just how i liked it & because of the scenes i had chosen that mine turned out this way)

now onto the grid lines: i used the line tool with these settings

just like with the rectangle select tool the line tool should lock onto the grid line you want to redraw, do this for every line that you want/have for your grid & once you're done go to view -> clear guides and it should look something like this: (added a version with just a black background so it can be seen a little easier)

(i'm ngl idk why my lines ended up kinda faded and not white 🤣 i think it might be because i used a white fill instead of white stroke but it doesn't really matter to me because i got my ideal outcome anyway 🤣)

bonus step: you can stop here if you'd like but i wanted my lines to match my colouring & my intended typography so i put all my line layers into a folder and set the mode to difference & added a yellow fill layer with a clipping mask, like this:

and it should look like this:

you can also play around with the opacity of the lines too which is what i tried out but i prefered for my set the lines being at 100% opacity but it's really up to you with what you want to play around with

now once you're happy with everything merge those layers together (make sure they have the same amount of frames first before merging them) and either save as it is or add some typography like i did and you should end up with this:

for tips when it comes to colouring it really depends on what you're colouring, if you want to manipulate the colours as much as i do i recommend choosing a colour within the scene so you're not having to change too much, or finding scenes that have colours that can be manipulated more easy (any colour that aren't skin tones, unless you're working with red or yellow like i did here, i chose yellow because one of the outfits in the gif was yellow toned and it looked better with the gifset being yellow than my original colour which was blue), also looking for scenes were the people in it don't move as much also is a big help!

i hope this helps :) feel free to ask more questions if you didn't understand or want some more tips i honestly don't mind!

[topaztimes]

Both of you wanted this so I made it a post lmao @etherealspacejelly @the-rat-1

ERM! I call this the Very Brief Guide To Human Faces (From A Furry Perspective)

Let's start with this guy.

This buddy is the absolute basics of the human face -- I guarantee that if you focused your camera on a version of it you drew, it'll recognise a face, because that's all a human is: neck, nose, under-lip, under-brows (which is also why I make the under-brow coloured darker in my style lol. Cheeky example below)

Anyways! Exaggerating and expanding outwards from these shadows are really important if you're trying to go for realism. But let's keep going with regular anatomy for now lol -- just, if you're stuck, make sure that those shapes are obvious. If they aren't, maybe that's the issue!

(That's what buddy looks like filled in. His brows are raised a bit lmao)

Mads Mikkelsen jumpscare:

(I chose him because his skull is SO OBVIOUS) Now, this is THE cheat code of all time: in the VAST majority of mammals, the inner corners of the eyes are exactly the same width as the widest part of the nose/nostrils. In humans, since we have bones in the front of our jaws, we have another sneaky thing with this same proportion: the CHIN. Wowie!

See? These two buddies have a very obvious line. It's amazing

More things that line up are: Top of ear: top of eye socket, bottom of ear: middle of upper lip Bottom of nose: top of earlobe (where the hole begins) Corner of the jaw: dip of the chin Aaaaand there's definitely more that I can't think of off the top of my head. Oh well

Here's a small turnaround of the head for you... which leads us onto the cranium (REMEMBER that the head isn't a perfect box! It's more like a trapezium prism; that's how you can see the tips of someone's opposite ear when they're facing 3/4 away from you)

THE CRANIUM!!!

This is what a white person's head would typically look like from the side -- they tend to have more flat craniums. I like to exaggerate the shape of the overhang because it makes me happy

Another thing to do with side profiles: the default human has the JAW and the FOREHEAD PARALLEL to each other. It's an epic cheat, because if you know the rough angle of the jaw, you know the angle of the forehead. It's saved me far too many times

This is closer to my own head shape, although it's still very exaggerated lol. In short: anything that isn't the xenomorph's level of head-dome is likely the shape of a real human. Everything can be customised; everything's connected

Last bit: customising the face. You know the default -- how do you change it while still looking realistic?

Remember the line I was talking about? Contains the nose, doesn't include the eyes? You change THAT. You make the nose wider than the corners of the eyes for a big nose, and you make it smaller for a little nose. That's how your brain can tell that someone's had plastic surgery lol (people often get nosejobs without also getting their chin shape changed. There's a lot of variation in eyes, so you don't often notice those if only 1/3 doesn't align)

Same thing with the forehead and jaw being parallel. You want a square jaw? Make the jaw more of a right angle while making the forehead rounder. That's how you build juxtaposition to draw attention to the 'striking' feature.

OKAY omg that was a lot but I hope it helped lmfaooo -- I also have a mini guide for the general body so let me know if you want that too

[bite-the-bloody-hand]

@dujour13 very kindly tagged me in the Companion First Impressions tag game! Check out her answers for the magnificent Siavash here.

I have not officially completed the game yet though I've been spoiled on a lot of the ending haaa... so just treat this as Zell's thoughts after your average Azata ending, and I'll come back later once I've gone mad with power.

Tagging @rlainarin Give your KC’s first impression and final opinion of each of their companions!

First Impressions:

Seelah: You seem... charmingly sincere for Iomedae's lot. And I owe you for getting Terendelev so quickly... I guess we'll see how getting out of here goes, yeah?

Camellia: I don't even know you, and already I know it's gonna be you or me. I can smell the old blood under your nails... I wonder whose it is?

Lann: Wow buddy, how'd you get your head so far up your ass with that horn? Impressive.

Wenduag: Normally I don't appreciate strangers telling me what to do, but you aren't nearly as threatening as you think you are… and you're right about Lann being reckless.

Woljif: You've got the air of ehh... talented grifter who blows his winnings like a pimp, no wonder you got nailed. Anyway, want to go scandalize the neighbors with me?

Ember: Little one, I absolutely agree that they were just scared stupid men in a crisis, but you don't want to smack 'em around even a little bit? All right... we do it your way for now. I guess we'll see about next time too. And the time after that...

Daeran: Hnh, you were the single voice of reason back in the square yet play an imbecile party boy in your own home... So what should I know about you, Count? Whatever you're hiding smells like bad blood.

Nenio: Normally I'd be more wary about someone wanting to do 'experiments' on people a goofiness about you that I respect. I want to see where you're going with all this.

Galfrey: I love how you think you're being cute and clever but you have 'I am in a crisis because nobody is acknowledging me' disease and I can smell it from here.

Sosiel: You seem. Nice. I'm sure we'll get along fine, you just remind me of someone I'd rather not be thinking about just now.

Regill: Oh a Godclaw? The Hellknight mental gymnastics champions? Color me intrigued. Don't tell anyone, but I'm glad someone else around here isn't squeamish about making hard decisions in a bad situation.

Arueshalae: Never once have I imagined I'd meet a demon who would change my life for the better, but... strange things keep happening. We both strive for the impossible, ey? Perhaps we strive together.

Greybor: Weird how I'm two for two on a stranger giving me orders and me being okay with it, but I have been bewitched by your weirdly paternal swagger.

Ulbrig: BRO YOU'RE HUGE. AND ON TOP OF ME. BUY A MAN DINNER FIRST, DAMN. My fuckin *ribs* guy....

Trevor: Ah shit, man. Let's get you home.

Parting thoughts (Normal Azata Ending Edition):

Seelah: Stay questioning, my friend. A life full of joy doesn't mean a life of easy answers, you know? You keep your heart open, and I'll always be keeping an eye out.

Camellia: You just had to keep on lying.

Lann: You are like a brother to me (but sometimes I still want to commit fratricide you SHITHEAD. I love you.)

Wenduag: Is there no world in which you find your peace in life? I know I could have done more, but I don't know what that was supposed to be. I failed you just as much as you failed yourself.

Woljif: Tch, I can't wait to watch you turn into a rich, fat, happy old ram. Maybe cool it on the securities fraud for a little bit, I can't be breaking you out of prison. I mean I will but I don't wanna.

Ember: Kindness really is infectious, yeah? You helped me be a kinder version of myself. I'm so glad to know you.

Daeran: Ah, my best friend; love of my life. What an unexpected surprise, to feel so cherished... I wish you'd let the rest of the world see you the way I do. I never could have done this without you.

Nenio: Well, Professor? What new experiments shall we try next? Your loyal assistant is ever ready!

Galfrey: I'd pity you if I felt like that would fix anything. Everything that wasn't your fault was made your problem; I hope you can find it in your heart to rest from that someday.

Sosiel: Ah I guess you aren't so bad... Nah get back here and hug me, fool. I will see you at Harvest, make sure you're drawing silly things to stay loose.

Regill: Master Derenge, it has been an honor. I will always hold your memory in esteem.

Arueshalae: Hey, keep your chin up, recovering from your old life is going to take time. You know I'll be around, yeah? Always at your back, sister.

Greybor: Don't look at me like that, I'm not being smug at all. Anyway tell your family hi from me, hm? You'll be seeing fruit and flowers from me soon enough.

Ulbrig: I guess... I suppose we'll see each other again sometime, somewhere. Good luck to you, my friend.

Trevor: Give yourself the grace of patience, my friend. I will come to you when you need.

[correctpathos]

Learning to Draw #1 - :)

My Manifesto that will be read as I lay destruction to The Works

I'm in my late 20s. I'm doing this because I can't find anyone else showing a similar process as a genuine sucky beginner. I used to draw a bit in my early teens. Slated for greatness at my art GCSE, a master of using the ruler for two-point perspective, I could achieve an 'A' they said - if I chose it - and I bet you're wondering how I got here... At home I drew my favourite anime characters. They weren't good, but whatever. I drew Itachi from Naruto and was so happy with this one that I took it to my parents to use their scanner. I subtly wanted to show it off, but I said I thought it would be cool if I scan it and colour it in on my cracked version of Photoshop CS5.

All I remember is they both saw it and had a good laugh at Itachi's hand. "It looks like E.T - 'phone home'". I didn't colour it in, and don't think I drew anything after that. The GCSE Art I took was bizarrely thin on teaching theory/skills and more about trying out a variety of creative mixed media - textured collages, pottery, and the like. I didn't draw a single thing and somehow achieved a B.

So anyway, I kept wishing I knew how to draw. Not as a professional or anything. Just enough to convey a sketch of an idea on the page that didn't look weird. What inspired me to pick it up again was some of the artwork in the RPG book for 'Warlock'. Thought it was rad as fuck. Wish I could do that.

Figuring out how to do this has sucked so much ass. So many 'beginners' post absolutely passable drawings to undermine your confidence, or they bait you in and say "yeah, I'm learning to draw...I stopped a few years ago when I finished up with Sistine Chapel". Fuckers. One egregious example was on the 'learntodraw' subreddit where someone said their husband started drawing a 'week ago', presenting a near photo-realistic image. Later admitting after backlash that their husband had only just started 'taking it seriously this week, but has drawn before'.

All the other guidance essentially consists of happy-go-lucky 'just draw :)' or locked-in 'drawing is like working out, put the reps in'. In-between are mentions of 'the fundamentals' but the best way to learn these are???

A few months ago I attempted 'Draw a Box'. I gave up because I'll be honest, it is incredibly boring to spend your evenings drawing 250 boxes, cylinders, and then once you finally think you're onto the interesting stuff you get asked to do several pages of arrows. I still hadn't drawn anything apart from basic shapes.

The structure was good for me though, so I thought let's buy an online art class. The course recommends joining their community and sharing your first work, which you must draw 'from your mind'. Here is Chroknight. This took approx 2 hours of really trying. This was still attempting to incorporate ideas about perspective and breaking down shapes I had heard about from Draw a Box. So this probably shows a month of learning. This is what I want to see when I look for a beginners journey.

I did this for a bit and drew some heads before becoming so fucking angry at the entire process. "People can be broken down into very basic shapes - squares, circles, triangles". Yet what really happens is a lot of complex rules around curving, avoiding tangent lines, and so on. I watch as the 'forms' get drawn in and say "okay, how the fuck do you make that look like a person?". My forms were often weirdly askew so I tried to correct them. The heads just don't look right. I was really struggling to spot that my forms were so wrong that it wasn't until I got to the details or the end that I was like "oh, wow this is really off". People who can draw say "just make sure your forms are correct first", and I get it - but often I can't tell until I start putting features on.

I know they're not like if you just picked up a pencil for the first time. This was around 2-3 months of learning. I was really feeling angry and impatient that after drilling facial features and head forms that they still looked so weird and were taking a significant amount of time to draw. Each of these took at least an hour. Could've watched X-Files.

"This is why an understanding of anatomy is so important" the instructor says on their demo. Proceeding to practically, to my untrained eye, ignore their forms and freely draw 'skin lines' to indicate anatomy. How do I do that? "Study anatomy". The assignment for this part of the course is to draw each body part 'until memorised'. More grinding. I was too angry and couldn't face it.

So here I am a few months on. I am going to restart the course and actually begin 'grinding'. Drawing regularly, from reference, whatever. I am banning myself from artist YouTube videos about how they learn because these people are already great and their advice amounts to variations of studying/grinding or even worse "learning to love art again". I am also leaving the communities full of people posting things I can only aspire to and saying "any feedback UnU?", "why do I suck? :(".

x

[andyridgeley]

BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY CAST INSPIRED PLAYLISTS

(i was bored … again ... so … i pretty much went through all my music and if it had me thinking about one of joe, rami, lucy, gwil or ben i added it to their playlist! spotify links are attached to each of their names, and thanks to everyone who sent in suggestions!)

𝒥𝑜𝑒

say amen (saturday night) - panic! at the disco | the pool - the reduction agents | s.o.b. - nathaniel rateliff & the night sweats | cup of tea - kacey musgraves | no scrubs - tlc | funny shaddow - tessa rain | friends - marshmello | because i love you [the postman song] - stevie b | my lighthouse - rend collective | ramblin’ man - allman brothers band | island in the sun - weezer | out of the darkness - matthew and the atlas | never there - cake | clint eastwood - gorillaz | welcome to the party - diplo | rye whiskey - punch brothers | sk8er boi - avril lavigne | semi-charmed life - third eye blind | imagination - tony lucca | last man standing - people in planes | come alive [war of the roses] - janelle monáe | alabama song (whisky bar) - the doors

𝑅𝒶𝓂𝒾

superheroes - the script | come - jain | follow the sun - xavier rudd | roundtable rival - lindsey stirling | freedom - anthony ramos | little lion man - mumford & sons | hold your head up - argent | lash out - alice merton | high hopes - panic! at the disco | from eden - hozier | a real hero - electric youth, college | i am - awolnation | sleep - allen stone | smile - robert downey jr. | this charming man - the smiths | (you’re so square) baby i don’t care - queen at wembley and buddy holly versions | sweater weather - the neighbourhood | madness - muse

𝐿𝓊𝒸𝓎 here comes the sun - the beatles | true love - jordan fisher | arms - christina perri | not your way - misterwives | god is a woman - ariana grande | cherry wine - hozier | love me now - john legend | got your number - serena ryder | chelsea morning - joni mitchell | my silver lining - first aid kit | chocolate - the 1975 | can’t help falling in love - ingrid michaelson | royals - lorde | let her go - passenger | sweater weather - the neighbourhood | civilian - wye oak | shake it out florence + the machine | burning desire - lana del rey | salty sweet - ms mr

𝒢𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓎𝓂

no sugar in my coffee - caught a ghost | pale sun rose - matthew and the atlas | i don’t want - age pryor | ocean blue - moniker | fire - barns courtney | dearly departed - shakey graves | somewhere only we know - keane | snake eyes - mumford & sons | you ain’t goin nowhere - oscar isaac | falling slowly - once | time in a bottle - jim croce | stardust - hoagy carmichael | under the milky way - the church | tomorrow is a long time - bob dylan | river - joni mitchell | whistles the wind - flogging molly | strangers in the night - frank sinatra | counting stars - onerepublic | the one that got away - the civil wars

𝐵𝑒𝓃

anthonio - annie | cold little heart - michael kiwanuka | highway vagabond - miranda lambert | the devil you know - x ambassadors | all about us - jordan fisher | hallelujah - panic! at the disco | hey now - matt and kim | just what i needed - the cars | give it up - kc & the sunshine band | start a fire - john legend | on my way back home - band of horses | love bug - baby bee | closer than this - st. lucia | royals - lorde | this is gospel - panic! at the disco | icarus - bastille | r u mine? - arctic monkeys | lazy eye - silversun pickups | everlasting light - the black keys | livin’ thing - elo

[somberine]

paul outfit reasoning Now 👀 (if ya wanna)

I have sooo many thoughts about Paul's Outfit that are mostly just a little simple silly things but >:) here he is with Care beside him

First things first Hes got the same shirt/pants color as care! Not the same clothe exactly, but similar enough that its easy to connect the two be it through the theory of hes just trans or the theory of the differing time lines I wanted it to be obvious these two are connected. Paul however has a much warmer outfit than Care's is. Hes grown to find things that are comfier to wear. Sweater, sweater vest, thick pants, warm shoes. He doesn't like the feeling of being cold, at least not my interpretation of him.

The heart glasses again were because square glasses don't really look great in my style! My version of Belle has circular glasses, and Rainer has half moon glasses, and I didn't want Paul to have what they both already did to add a little variety. So heart glasses it was. I think they fit him? At least the way I draw him, they make him look very friendly. I can see Paul being pretty friendly despite being as standoffish as he'd probably end up after discovering some pretty upsetting repressed memories or otherwise. I also like the idea that with the concept of Paul being Care simply grown up, he'd want something that looks nice and makes him look nice without having to look at himself and worry about how others see him.

Paul has a cane! Rainer though I haven't drawn him yet will also have a cane. Paul has Rainer's cane. I just think if you go through that kinda stuff as a kid, you're going to end up with some pretty rough pysical trauma especially chronic pain. Chronic pain sucks trust me you can trust me I have that shit I wish I had a cane I think Paul deserves one. Even if said cane once belonged to someone hes not fully familiar with in the family.

Other design choices with Paul that arent really outfit related are that he overall looks healthier. A less sickly skin tone, a nicer build, somewhat nicer hair, hes happy for the most part. I think he deserves that. He kinda goes through it again at this point in his life but hey at least he was happier before that! And who knows maybe re-discovering things and slowly figuring stuff out will help him too eventually.

[glamorousruins]

Art Dump #2

continuation of this post!

sighs as I place this bad boy down

So I had this big idea of something I wanted to do for my mutuals. So basically, my love language is gift-giving, right? I wanted to draw a headshot and a little sketch page of the yuusonas/yuus (or just any character of my mutuals) and gift it to them!! Either for being my mutual and putting up with my incoherent daily screaming or whatever.

Now here's what happened:

Life happened, not enough time happened, and at one point I started to really dislike how I drew the current headshots :')))). My style had begun to change when I looked back on this and it bugged me so much that I'm currently abandoning this batch and starting from square one again orz.

Regardless, the characters (in order from left to right) belong to @ai-0uch, @twstlibrary, and @twstedstoryshop !! So sorry that I didn't do your characters justice

But anyway, if you want separate headshots of them lmk! Trust me, I'll do them right one-day orz

ok this is an older sketch but one of my favorite ones regardless

This was inspired by a concept by my homies @smalltasteofhoney and @187-mg!!! Blowing a kiss to you both <33

This sketch is a result of their Idia x reader x Cater fic and everything that went on in the discord server lmaooo I'm sorry but you cannot convince me that Idia is not a discord mod and Cater is scamming him by being his discord kitten. It's literally canon, Cater told me

anyways, it's ugly and old but Imma do a redraw of this one!! Fun fact, this was the first time I've ever drawn Idia lmao

Okay so under the cut will be the NSFW drawings! This does not include sexual stuff smh, I mean yandere, gore, blood, bruises, cuts, etc !! So please beware of that

Okay, so I mentioned in a post that Ru, my version of Yuu, tends to get in fights!! More often than not, he gets his ass beat

While I have to develop the lore more, there is this specific Savanaclaw student who particularly likes giving Ru a hard time. I just wanted to draw the aftermath of said fight! You'll see that his clothes are a bit burnt at some parts and that's because it's hard to win a fight where magic is being used against you

Especially if you are magic-less:')))

anyways, I'm not too happy with this one but it is what it is

SLASHER TREY SLASHER TREY AJUQWHGEVW

Okay so on the discord server we were talking about this one Micheal Myers fanart and how for some reason it gave off Trey vibes???

So I present to you: Micheal Myers!Trey~~~ Ok. So it's terribly obvious idk how to draw blood. I kinda gave up on this one because I couldn't get it in a way I'd like but it's alright. There is another version of Trey smirking at us but I didn't finish it

If anyone wants to see it then I'll finish that one though

please don't ask where his glasses are- idk where they are ok

YAN RUGGIE AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ok so I was trying to draw Ace smiling for an ask but then it morphed into yandere Ruggie somehow??? I am actually still working on this one atm and this is currently my Latest drawing- I figured I'd share it anyways!!

I am in love with how it coming out so far... his eyes are my favorite part

he's just so... *swoons*

Anyways- that's all folks! Hope you enjoyed this little dump lmao

Hopefully, this can show that my art style is slowly getting better orz auaghhh. Though it's very obvious that I only like doing headshots/portrait-like drawings. And that's because I do!! I like making drawings as if they are a photo still in time that you're looking at. I like making the things I draw seem like a photo taken at random and my drawings are the result

This is also an excuse to not draw bodies but ignore that

[supernovafics]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇

pairing: dylan o’brien x best friend fem!reader

summary: in which dylan has been your best friend for as long as you could remember. your busy lives and schedules may have pushed both of your lives in vastly different directions as you’d gotten older, but somehow you two would always be led back to your hometown, and each other, during the holidays. however, one moment causes all of that to change. 

warnings: angst (what else is new), some fluffiness, mentions of past trauma (the maze runner incident), existential crises, explicit language

word count: 3.6k words

author’s note: idk why i decided to write something christmas related in the summer but it happened lmao (also i feel like it’s slightly important to mention that this takes place in 2016)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The rocks being thrown at your window were not what woke you up. Instead, you had been lying awake for hours; getting little to no sleep was something that you had become used to at this point.

However, on this specific night— or morning, depending on how one looked at it— you were glad that your sleep had been restless once again because it made it easy for you to get out of bed and walk to your window when the rocks began hitting it.

There was really no need for you to push open the curtains and check who was doing the throwing because, of course, it was Dylan. Ever since he moved onto your street in Hermosa Beach in middle school and the two of you easily became friends, he was the only person that would ever wake you up in the middle of the night with the soft pings of rocks, especially on this specific day at this specific time.

You waved at him and gestured that you would be down in a moment. You slipped on a random pair of sweatpants along with a hoodie and then placed the Christmas gift that you bought for him in the pocket. The item was small enough to fit in the not too big pocket of your hoodie; however, it did awkwardly protrude a bit.

All of this was a sort of unspoken tradition that the pair of you had developed over the many years you’d known each other. Meeting at five in the morning on Christmas day, walking to the beach that was only a few blocks away from your respective childhood homes, and exchanging Christmas gifts with each other as you both watched the sunrise. It started when you were in ninth grade, and you hadn't missed a year since, not even when the ending of high school pushed your lives in vastly different directions, especially since Dylan graduated a year before you and was almost immediately thrust into his acting career.

But, it didn't matter that Dylan's career took off, and you eventually decided to go to college in Santa Barbara, because, no matter what, you both would always come back for the holidays.

When you opened your front door and saw Dylan lingering by the sidewalk no more than ten feet away, you were quick to go toward him and pull him in for a tight embrace. It actually hadn't been too long since you’d last seen him, maybe only five or six months, but for some reason, it still felt as if the last time he was in front of you was last December.

"Hey," Dylan breathed out in a short greeting, his arms wounding around your waist.

“Hey to you too," You responded, a small smile gracing your features when you both pulled away, and you looked up at him. "How have you been?"

It was quiet for a few moments as you waited for him to answer the question, but eventually, you were met with no verbal response, and instead, Dylan simply shrugged. The short action made your heart constrict in the most painful way, and it was then that you noticed the light remnants of a scar peeking out from behind his dark hair that covered the majority of his forehead. You were quick to peel your eyes away from the scar and instead cast them down at your Converse-covered feet, but that didn't stop the memories from quickly coming back.

The Maze Runner accident had happened back in March, but to you, and you knew to Dylan as well, it felt as if it was just yesterday, especially considering the fact that he was still dealing with the unavoidable repercussions from it.

"Wanna walk?" You asked, finally looking up at him once again.

Dylan nodded. "Yeah."

A silence that could only be deemed as comfortable lingered between them as the two of you took the five-minute walk to the beach and sat down side by side on one of the random empty benches.

"Merry Christmas, Y/N," Dylan said as he handed a present over to you. The present was messily wrapped, something that was not at all uncommon when receiving gifts from Dylan, and the sight of it made you smile.

Before you unwrapped the gift, you pulled out the one you had for him and handed it over. "Merry Christmas, Dyl."

The nostalgic sound of wrapping paper ripping could be heard as you tore into your gift. A simultaneous shocked and happy yelp emitted from your lips when you held up a Harry Potter t-shirt. But, it wasn't just any Harry Potter t-shirt; it was one with a version of the Goblet of Fire movie poster on it, which was your all-time favorite movie in the series.

"Holy shit."

"It's the original merch that was sold when the movie came out," Dylan told you. He hadn't opened his gift yet, and instead, he was playing with the green bow placed on top of it; he always liked to see your reaction first.

You looked at Dylan and then back down at the shirt as you processed his words. "Wow, double holy shit. I would put it on if it wasn't freezing right now."

Dylan laughed a bit. "Very understandable."

“Why haven't you opened yours yet? I'm dying to see what you think of it," You said. You were now holding the t-shirt to your chest, genuinely feeling like a little kid on Christmas morning again.

Dylan finally began unwrapping your gift to him, and when all of the paper was peeled off, there was a square box. "Aw, a plain white box. Thank you so much. This is what I've always wanted."

You rolled your eyes and playfully bumped him with your shoulder. "Ha ha. Please save all of these bad jokes for your stand-up act; I can't wait to boo you off the stage along with everyone else."

"So, what I'm hearing is you don't think that becoming a comedian is going to be the next best career move for me?" Dylan asked. He attempted to make the question sound as serious as possible, but there was a joking undertone to his words.

You bit back your laughter. "Please just open the box already so I don't have to hurt your feelings by truthfully answering that question."

"Okay, we'll circle back to that topic later," Dylan smiled and then finally opened the white box to reveal a slightly faded baseball. When he picked it up, he ran his thumb over the black signature written on it. "Now it's my turn to say holy shit."

You could feel yourself smiling at his awestruck reaction, and you wondered if that was what you looked like when you saw the Harry Potter shirt. The baseball was signed by one of the players of the New York Mets that had been Dylan's favorite player when he was younger, and he'd even caught a ball hit by him when he went to a game before he moved to California.

"I've had this idea for years, but I could never find a baseball signed by him," You began explaining, the excitement clear in your voice. "But, last month, someone named Paul Todd posted this on eBay and I immediately bought it. God bless that old man. It's completely authentic and everything."

Dylan was quiet for a few moments as he simply looked at the baseball in his hands, a small joyful smile on his face, and it made you happy to see him so genuinely elated with the present.

"This just made my gift look like shit," He finally said, a light laugh falling from his lips.

"I have always been the superior gift giver. I think that's my hidden talent," You responded with a playful smirk.

Dylan placed the baseball back in its box and then looked at you. "Next year you will receive the best gift ever from me. It will completely top everything that you have ever given me."

"You're saying that as if I should feel upset about receiving a trip to Italy as a Christmas gift."

"A trip to Italy?"

"In my strong opinion, that would be the best gift ever," You said with a smile and then looked down at the t-shirt, which was now in your lap. "But, anyway, I don't think this gift is shit. I'm in love with this shirt already."

Dylan let out a joking, overexaggerated sigh in relief. "Phew, okay, since you think this gift is great, that means I don't have to do the trip to Italy next year."

"What? Did I say I like this t-shirt? I hate it! Harry Potter actually su— Fuck, I can't say this with a straight face," You laughed, and Dylan was quick to join in with you.

The joking statements leading up to the laughter hadn't even been the funniest things ever, but it didn't matter because this was probably the hardest you had laughed in a while, and you were both glad and unsurprised that it was with one of your favorite people in the entire world.

You missed joking around and laughing with him. You missed simply being with him.

Eventually, the laughter died off, but there was still a smile planted firmly on your face. You looked ahead at the darkness in front of you and the ocean that looked completely black; it was still kind of early, so the sun hadn't begun to rise just yet. Your back pressed against the wooden bench, and you let out a small sigh, your head finding Dylan's shoulder as you leaned against him.

"How have you been?" You asked him, your words coming out both soft and slightly quiet, and before the mood became too serious with your question that was nothing but serious, you attempted to lighten it. "And please no shrugs as a response this time. I don't wanna get a headache due to my head bouncing off your shoulder."

Dylan let out a breath of a laugh at your final statements but refrained from answering the question for a few moments.  

After what felt like forever, he sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "I honestly don't know. My mind has felt so fucked lately, thinking about everything. I swear I've been feeling every feeling known to man these past months."

"What are you feeling right now? In this moment?"

"I'm really happy with you. This is probably the only normal and familiar thing I've experienced in a while. But, of course, there's still that confused feeling in the back of my mind revolving around everything else." He paused for a brief moment before continuing, his next words came out quieter. "I don't even know if I want to go back to acting."

You lifted your head off his shoulder and looked at him as you pulled his hand into yours and gave it a light, reassuring squeeze.

"No matter what you decide. I'll be right there to support you," You told him and then added a "bro" at the end of her sentence along with a small smile. Whenever things became too deep in a conversation you two were having, one of you would always throw a "bro" or "dude" in there to bring some playfulness to the mood.

The corners of Dylan's perked up a bit. "So, you'll support me when I decide to become a comedian?"

You were unable to stifle your light laughter. "Yes, fine, fuck it. I'll be the loudest one laughing at all of your shows."

Dylan squeezed your hand back because he knew exactly how reluctantly true your words were. "Don't worry, I promise not to put you through that."

"Thank you."

"So, how have you been?"

"No."

"Oh, come on," Dylan said as he playfully poked your side. "I'm not gonna be the only one exposing my feelings."

You sighed and then hesitantly nodded. "Okay, okay."

The truth was you had been far from good lately. Your life was moving, but for some reason, you felt like you weren’t moving with it.

You felt stuck.

Stuck in a confusing mindset where you had absolutely no idea what you wanted to do with your life. You thought that identity crises usually happened in high school, but apparently, yours had come five years late. But, you knew that this delayed identity crisis had been your own doing because you had convinced herself that you would figure everything out once you were in college; and you were both lucky and smart enough to receive a full ride to UCSB.

And although you were finishing up your Master's degree in Creative Writing and had a TA job at the university with the department, which was the reason behind why you could even pay for the Master's program, something in your "should be great" life simply did not feel right.

However, you felt absolutely terrified to say any of that out loud because admitting it would only finally make that statement a wholehearted truth, instead of just a spiraling thought in your mind. And even though Dylan was your best friend and you knew you could tell him anything and not receive any sort of judgment, it still felt hard to let the words leave your lips.

You thought about the way to perfectly word everything, but nothing felt right. You pulled your hand away from Dylan's and covered your face as you let out an exasperated breath. "I can't figure how to say it all."

Dylan placed an arm around you and then mimicked the same question you had asked him not too long ago. "What are you feeling right now? In this moment?"

You would have both laughed and smiled at the fact that he was using your exact words if the current circumstances were different.

"Scared," You finally said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I don't know what the fuck I wanna do anymore, and actually, I don't think I really ever did. I only went to college because of the scholarship, and I convinced myself that I would figure my life out when I got there. And for a while, things felt right because I found creative writing and genuinely enjoyed it, but something doesn't feel right anymore. And I actually do like school. Because it's stable, and I am doing things, even if it's taking a dumbass test. But, it's about to be over soon, and I have no idea what I'm gonna do."

Your words were coming out like vomit, and nothing could stop it because finally, everything you had been feeling for so long was out of your head and put into the open.

"And don't get me wrong, I do love to write, but I don't know, I just can't see myself doing it for the rest of my life," You admitted and then let your next words come out quietly. "Honestly, I can't see myself doing anything. I'm so unhappy here."

You did not say it aloud, but you didn't think you were ever fully content there. Aside from Dylan and your parents, you never truly liked California. You had grown up there all your life, and although there were millions of people that adored the state, you felt the exact way someone from a state like Wyoming probably felt.

Dylan did not verbally respond to your long confession at first; instead, he simply pulled your confused and stressed self in for a hug, and you let out the simultaneous sigh and breath that you had been metaphorically holding in for years at this point.

"Maybe you should take a break," Dylan finally said; his arms were still around you, an action that made you feel completely comforted. "Right after high school, you went straight to college, and I don't think you've ever really taken a break to really think about what you actually want. Like, maybe, it's becoming a zookeeper."

Your laugh was slightly muffled by the fact that your face was pressed into the warmth of Dylan's chest. "Zookeeper?"

"I don't know," He laughed too. "You said you would support me in whatever the fuck I decide to do, and I'll do the exact same for you."

Somehow a smile found its way on your face. "A zookeeper and a comedian. What a fucking dream team."

Another laugh fell from Dylan's lips. "The best fucking dream team."

"But, honestly, I wish I could've known sooner that this is how you've been feeling. I would've been telling you to slow down so long ago, but you seemed content with everything," Dylan told you and gave you another light squeeze. "Please take a break and don't stress yourself out over the future when your next semester is over. Just relax for the first time. You can even come stay with me in LA for a little bit if that's where you wanna take your break. I'll be here for you, Y/N. Always."

Something about his words hit you hard. The wholehearted honesty and sincerity behind his statement shouldn't have surprised you, but it did. And the worry he had for you resembled the same concern you had for him when the accident happened. You two were best friends, so it should not have been a shock that you would worry about each other, but still, in that moment and for you, it was shocking because it felt like so much more than just that.

"Me too," You whispered, finally responding to his previous statement.

The long embrace came to an end with you being the one to pull away; however, you did not pull away far enough for you both to become completely detached from one another. Dylan's arms were still around your waist, and yours were still around the nape of his neck, and your faces were dangerously close. Your hand somehow took on a mind of its own as it reached around and cupped Dylan's cheek. The miniscule confusion and tickle of panic that began to prick at the back of your mind because of the action were not enough to make you pull away.

The slight way that Dylan leaned into your soft touch was the catalyst for you to take the leap and lean in the tiniest bit to close the small distance between the two of you, your lips almost too easily finding his. The inward sigh of contentment you emitted when Dylan almost immediately kissed you back made you realize that kissing him was the one thing currently happening in your life that actually felt right.

Later, when thinking back to that specific moment, you would wonder if that "rightness" had always been there between you both.

However, that right feeling, which was both comfortable and familiar, was quickly replaced with dread and angst, at least on your part. Your mind was beginning to fully catch up with your actions, and it immediately told you that the current action was both bad and stupid, and there were many, many reasons that proved that.

Maybe there were moments where a younger, and even present-day, you did want more to happen between you and Dylan, but you would always push that thought away because you knew that your and Dylan's friendship was so much more valuable.

And then it was the fact that your lives were nothing alike. Even though you were immensely confused about where your life was going, you could say for certain that it wasn't going in the same direction as Dylan's; an acting career that he genuinely loved and enjoyed too much to truly give up. Something deep down told you that, and you could feel the truthfulness behind the thought. The holidays were the only time your lives would truly intersect.

You abruptly pulled away, not just from the kiss but from Dylan's body entirely, moving to the edge of the bench you were on. Your hands covered your face in nothing but pure embarrassment and regret, and you wished that you could take back the last minute and a half of your life. And you also absolutely hated that you couldn't help but notice how much colder your body felt now that it was away from Dylan's.

"Oh my God. I'm sorry. Fuck. That kiss— it was a mistake. I'm really sorry." Your words came out rushed and fumbled, and it probably did not make much sense, but you just hoped that there was at least a little bit of coherency with them.

As much as you wanted to look at Dylan, you refused to do so because you knew that you would only see the regret you were feeling written clear across his face.

"Hey, it's okay, Y/N. Everything's fine. Don't worry," You heard him say but could hear the uncertainty in his voice as if he really didn't know if everything truly was fine. And you knew that it wasn’t. It really wasn’t.

The holidays were the only time your lives would truly intersect, and you had just completely ruined that.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

let me know your thoughts <3

((((already potentially thinking about doing a part 2 to this….. but idk…))))

[ifmywishescametrue]

i don't know if you're still taking prompts (so please ignore this if you aren't) but i cant stop thinking about your recent buckytony fic (and how much i love breaking up and making up as a trope) - so i was wondering if you'd be up for doing smth else w that trope for buckytony?? maybe they re-unite at a mutual friend's wedding?? and it brings up emotions about their almost wedding?? idk i just really love breaking up and making up as a trope and i really love your writing :))

thank you!! I'm very much up for doing another buckytony break up/make up, plus you deserve nice things for finishing law school - congrats on that!🎉����hope you like this one 😊

There's a ring on Bucky's finger.

It's the first thing Tony notices when he walks into the bar for Natasha and Sharon's joint bachelorette party. He stands there in the doorway, frozen and staring until someone clears their throat pointedly behind him, and he mumbles an apology as he moves out of the way.

He thinks about turning around and not coming back, just ditching the event entirely and maybe even the wedding tomorrow, but he tosses the ridiculous thought the second it comes. He promised Sharon when she asked him to be her man of honor that he could handle Bucky being Nat's. Living on the other side of the country afforded him to miss the rest of the events and planning along the way, and he could deal with one day of being cordial to his ex, even if the day comes with walking down an aisle together.

But now there's a ring on Bucky's finger.

The silver catches the light, and it's on prominent display with his left hand wrapped around a beer bottle. It shouldn't be possible for him to have moved on that quickly. Eight months shouldn't be long enough to bury three years of memories. Three years of hopes and dreams and plans for a future built together. Years of love so blindingly intense that it burrowed into Tony's soul to make a home and refused to be evicted just because it was supposed to be over.

Tony wonders what the timeline is. Did he find someone new while Tony was still just beginning to pick up his own scattered pieces? A first date for him while Tony was barely getting out of bed. When was it that he replaced Tony as the last person to have his heart? And how did he find forever in someone else so soon after losing the one he used to call his soulmate?

Natasha notices him first, still hovering near the entrance, and she raises a single eyebrow that calls him a coward. He rolls his eyes at the accusation, though it's accurate. She elbows Sharon to catch her attention, and before he knows it the entire small group is turning their heads his way, giving him no choice but to join them.

It's less bachelorette party and more pre-wedding celebration with the crowd they've gathered, all mutual friends of both brides with no regards for gender traditions that usually come with this night. Tony used to fit in well with them all, back when gatherings like this were just a typical Friday night. But he made himself an outsider between the move to California and the breakup with Bucky. All he has now with most of them is a dead group chat that hasn't been used in months. He wonders which one of them made the new one without him in it.

Sharon is the first to pull him into a hug, then Natasha follows suit. He gets a nod from Sam, a wave from Clint, and what might pass as a smile from Steve. Bucky stares so intensely that Tony can feel his eyes with his back turned, but when Tony looks his way, he pretends to be interested in the floor.

He had a plan before the ring threw him off. Step one should have been the entrance. Head held high, shoulders square, perfect outfit that shows everything off and compliments the Malibu tan he has now. Step two should be nonchalance. A light hearted greeting to everyone, accompanied by an easy grin and relaxed body language, and catching up with subtle brags slipped in. Show them all that he's doing better than he ever was, sitting on top of the world these days, even if most of the time it feels like he's barely above rock bottom.

Step three in his ideal scenario involved Bucky breaking down and begging to get him back. Some versions even had him on his knees for it, with tears running down his face. Others required it to be raining outside, and the cloudless sky ruined that before the ring on Bucky's finger did.

With steps one and three out the window, he tries to salvage step two.

“Hey,” Tony starts, a little too loud. He swallows the lump in his throat and tries again, “Hey, Bucky. It's good to see you.”

Bucky nods, a strained, jerky motion. “Yeah, you too. How, uh, how have you been?”

“Good. Really good, actually. Company just had its highest sales quarter yet, so it’s been a little crazy around there, but good.”

“Good,” Bucky repeats, and there’s a long awkward pause.

“And what about you?” Tony asks, and then because he can’t help himself, he adds, “I see you got engaged. Or, hell, I guess it could be married, even.”

Bucky freezes with parted lips and wide eyes for the briefest of moments, like he wasn’t expecting Tony to know about it or bring it up, and his eyes shift to the ring on his hand and stay there.

“Yeah,” he says slowly. “Engaged. Last week.”

Tony ignores the ache in his chest and plasters on a smile like he’s happy for him. “Congratulations. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t know him. Steve introduced us. They work together.”

“So he’s at the museum then? I thought you used to say that you hated all those stuffy guys and Steve was the only one worth knowing.”

Bucky smiles, a fond thing that widens the crack in Tony’s heart. “Yeah, well, I guess I was wrong. Felix is a great guy.”

Tony resists the urge to roll his eyes. Stupid name that probably matches a stupid, punchable face.

Some masochist thing pulls at him to make him keep digging for more information, a twisted need to know even as each word pushes the knife in deeper. He aims for casual, leaning back against one of the high top tables as he asks, “So how long have you been together?”

“Just a couple of months. Kind of fast, I know, but when you’re sure about something, it doesn’t really matter, right? Why waste time waiting?”

“Right, of course,” Tony says, a little flatter than he intends. “So why isn’t he here tonight? Hope it wasn’t to spare my feelings, because it’s really not necessary.”

Bucky falters, “It’s not? You, uh, you’re dating someone, then?”

Tony nods, and he wishes he had grabbed a drink before this so he could hide behind it as he lies through his teeth. “Only a few weeks, though. A little too early to be a wedding date, but I’m sure your guy will be there tomorrow right?”

“Oh, um, yeah, definitely. Why wouldn’t he be, right? There’s no reason I can think of,” Bucky says, stumbling around it. “But tell me more about your thing. Your person. How’s that going?”

Tony shrugs, and he finally pulls off that easy smile he’s been trying for. “Well, it’s not get engaged in a couple of months good, but it’s been really great. We’re taking it slow. Trying not to rush anything and just get to know each other first. I think it could really be something, though.”

“That’s good,” Bucky mumbles. “You deserve something good.”

He isn’t meeting Tony’s eyes anymore, almost like he’s upset that Tony moved on, and the vindictive part of Tony wants to be happy about it, but another part wants to be angry because it isn’t fair. It’s not fair to act like Tony should stay stuck in time, forever longing for him when he already moved on with someone else first. It’s hypocritical and selfish, even if Tony is lying about there being anyone else.

“Well, I’m gonna go get a drink,” Tony says, pushing down every feeling. “Should catch up with everyone else, too, while I’m at it. I’ll talk to you later.”

He heads over to the bar and isn’t surprised when Sharon joins him a moment later, right after he orders a double shot of whiskey. She puts an arm around his shoulder and asks, “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Tony laughs, running a hand through his hair. “My ex is engaged to somebody else and apparently doing really fucking well. Meanwhile, I’m making up fake boyfriends that I’m taking it slow with, because last week I went on my first real date in eight months and cried in the bathroom in the middle of it. And then, at the end of the night, he literally told me to my face that he didn’t think a second date was a good idea. We weren’t even talking about it, Sharon. He said it unprompted when we were still ten minutes from his apartment, and I was driving.”

Sharon nods slowly as she processes the rant. “He told you he got engaged?”

“Yeah, thanks for not telling me, by the way. It was really fun to get blindsided by it.”

She ignores the complaint to ask, “What else did he tell you, exactly?”

“Oh, just the whole line about how you know when you know, and Felix is such a great guy, and all that bullshit.”

“Felix,” Sharon repeats.

Tony knocks back the rest of his drink and orders another. “Please tell me he’s not better looking than me. Tell me it’s a downgrade. Don’t lie, because I know I have to meet him tomorrow, but please give me something that will make this better.”

“Well, I can guarantee he’s not as attractive as you. But he’s a little too perfect, you know? Like how could this guy possibly be real, he’s so unbelievably perfect,” Sharon says.

“I told you to make me feel better, not worse.”

Sharon shakes her head with a smile, the arm around him tightening into an approximation of hug. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I don’t think they’re going to last. He’s kind of flaky, too. Always cancelling at the last minute and all that. Bet he won’t even show tomorrow.”

The amusement on her face that she’s failing to hide confuses him. He’s starting to feel bad, though, for making the night about him when it should be about her and Nat.

Resolving not to dwell on it anymore, he squeezes the hand on his shoulder and says, “Alright, enough sad drinking, and definitely enough about me. We’re celebrating you and Nat and a lifetime of sickeningly wonderful happiness for both of you.”

Sharon grins, “Hell yeah, we are.”

“Shots?”

“Is that even a question?”

_____________

He wakes up with a headache and hazy memories. Shots of tequila that turned into shots of vodka when Nat got involved, then Clint’s terrible suggestion to try a shot of every liquor they had to offer. He vaguely remembers the round of toasts and drunken impromptu speeches from everyone, locking eyes with Bucky and failing to look away on both their parts. There’s a blur of wandering hands and heated, messy kisses. A bathroom stall turned into a cab ride which turned into his hotel room. He knows what he’ll find next to him when he opens his eyes, and guilt comes in full force.

“I know you’re awake,” Bucky says, voice still rough with sleep. It used to be Tony’s favorite sound in the world. “And I know we’re both sorry about what happened, but pretending to be asleep isn’t fixing nothin’.”

Tony shifts over to his back, and if there was any question before about what happened between them, the all too familiar ache in his body would answer it. He stares up at the ceiling to avoid the acres of bare skin on display next to him.

“You should probably leave,” Tony says to the walls. “I’m sure your fiancé is wondering where you are.”

“I doubt it.”

Tony puts an arm over his eyes, partly to block out the light that makes them ache and partly to hide his face. “Just go, okay? It was a mistake, and it won’t happen again, and we don’t have to talk about it.”

“Was it a mistake?” Bucky asks. “It didn’t feel like one to me.”

He doesn’t answer, and it’s soft and broken when Bucky says his name. Too much for him to handle.

Tony pushes back the blankets and searches for Bucky’s clothes in the mess they’ve made. He finds the shirt first and throws it at him. “You’re engaged, which means it was a mistake.”

His boxers are on the back of the couch, jeans right in front of the door, and they join the pile on Bucky’s lap. “You promised the rest of your life to somebody else, and I’m pretty sure fidelity is supposed to go with that.”

He tosses a shoe in the general direction of the bed, and it hits the nightstand with a loud thud. The second shoe is still in his hand when Bucky gets up and walks over to him, taking it and letting it drop to the floor.

His eyes hold a level of intensity that Tony has spent months dreaming about, and Tony couldn’t look away or move from this spot even if he tried.

“Felix isn’t real,” Bucky says. “I made him up when you asked, because I didn’t want to tell you the truth that I haven’t moved on in the slightest. That I’m so pathetic that I’ve spent the last eight months wearing an engagement ring that I bought for a guy who doesn’t love me anymore because I don’t know how to let him go.”

Tony stops breathing. “What?”

Bucky slides the ring from his finger, holding it between them so Tony can see the inscription. Always yours. He can’t remember the last time he heard the words get spoken.

“When?” Tony asks hoarsely. “When did you get that and why didn’t you ever ask me?”

“About a year ago,” Bucky says, slipping it back on his own finger. He sits back on the edge of the bed and stares down at it, twisting it around. “I thought about doing it on your birthday, but Nat and Sharon had just gotten engaged the week before and I didn’t want to take anything away from them. You were working a lot of late nights after that, and I thought it would be better to wait until things slowed down. You were so tired all the time, and you deserved a better proposal than when you’re falling asleep in the middle of dinner. It never slowed down, though. And then you got that big promotion and somehow we fell apart instead. If I’m honest, I still don’t really know how. One minute I’m getting ready to come with you, and the next you’re telling me not to bother.”

Tony sits down next to him, shoulders touching, and he pulls Bucky’s left hand into his. “You didn’t really want to go.”

“That’s not true,” Bucky says, but Tony shakes his head.

“All you talked about was how much you would miss New York. How much you’d miss your friends and your family and your job. Every day, everywhere we went. Even the fucking hot dog stands got sonnets about them. It really didn’t take a genius to figure out that you weren’t exactly looking forward to leaving.”

“I still would have gone for you,” Bucky argues. “I told you I would go anywhere with you, if it was what you wanted.”

“And then what? You move with me, and you’re miserable all the time, because my job never slows down so I’m still not around as much as you want, except now it’s compounded because you’re in a city that you hate with no one else that you know. You resent me for making you go, and the outcome is the same in the end either way.”

“Or I move with you, and I finally ask you to marry me like I’ve wanted to since almost the day we met. I find new friends and a new job, and even if it’s not perfect, it’s still worth it because at the end of the day I have a husband coming home to me.”

Tony runs his thumb over the ring and murmurs, “I wanted you to be happy. I didn’t think I could do that for you anymore.”

Bucky cups his cheek, tilting his head up to meet his eyes. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but baby, you’re an idiot.”

“Oh, thanks,” Tony laughs.

“You’re my idiot, if that helps.”

Tony smiles, still fragile but growing more hopeful. “Am I?”

“Always have been,” Bucky says. “Always will be if you stop assuming I’m going to leave you all the time. Let me decide for myself what I’m willing to sacrifice for us.”

Tony nods slowly, then says, “I’m sorry for ending it like that.”

“I’m sorry for making you feel like you had to.”

Tony climbs into his lap, circling his arms around his neck, and Bucky pulls him in closer with his hands on Tony’s hips. The ring is strange to feel against his skin, but also completely right. He wants it to stay there and to mean what it was always supposed to. Wants one of his own to match.

“We can fix it, right? We can be us again?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky says, and Tony’s heart sinks for just a moment. “Is your boyfriend as real as my fiancé?”

Tony laughs again in relief, “Yeah, they’d be a good pair.”

“I knew you had to be lying. You’ve never taken it slow in your life,” Bucky grins.

“Do you want me to start now?”

Bucky flips them over in one fluid motion, and he kisses up his throat as he murmurs, “Absolutely not.”

[lokiondisneyplus]

After spending over 30 years in the world of makeup design for film and television, Douglas Noe landed in the time-defying, creative playground of Marvel Studios' Loki. Serving as the Disney+ show's makeup department head, Noe not only designed the characters' individual looks, but continued to be Tom Hiddleston's makeup artist. Noe has worked on Hiddleston's Loki since 2012's The Avengers, carefully evolving the God of Mischief's look over time.

Loki isn't the first time Noe has spearheaded a makeup department for a Marvel Cinematic Universe production. Previously, Noe served as the makeup department head for Thor: The Dark World's additional photography -- making up approximately 20% of the film's final looks. He's also no stranger to the magic of prosthetic work and the intricate details needed for Marvel's epic adventures, having a creative hand in bringing both Captain Marvel's Skrulls and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Kree to life on-screen. In the industry, Noe is also known for specializing in palettes for actors of color and has worked on stars like Jackie Chan.

In an exclusive interview with CBR, Noe discussed what it was like bringing The Avengers-era God of Mischief into Loki and his approach to doing makeup on a production stuffed with special effects. He also shared which MCU stars have graced his chair and his advice for makeup departments looking for practical ways to de-center whiteness.

Loki's Makeup Evolution

CBR: One thing that I noticed -- which I'm excited to pick your brain about -- when we first see Loki, he has a really pale complexion. His hair is greasy. As he evolves, his skin gets a warmer look. Was that an intentional progression from when we first see him as a villain-ish and how he grows within the MCU?

Douglas Noe: Yes, that's a very astute observation. Of course, at the beginning of The Avengers, he's kind of a wreck, isn't he? And as he settles and normalizes, his pallor then indeed calms down. It was very nuanced. It was only a matter of maybe one or two shades difference, but you definitely caught something most people have not.

That was 10 years ago, but it was a very minor detail we decided would be important as the narrative and the dialogue and the intellect of that character evolved into the storyline. It became important to kind of mainstream and refine his appearance.

Since Loki kicks off from that earlier version of Loki, did you think about bringing any more of that paleness to his look? How did you decide on how you wanted to show him from Loki's time period/first episode?

Oh, that's a good question. The truth is, from the end of The Avengers also shot again in Avengers: Endgame, we change nothing.

We did exactly what we did on Endgame that we did for The Avengers. And in turn, that's how we started the Loki series. It was that that look from Endgame, which, of course, is the look from The Avengers. No alterations were made, other than -- and I can already tell we're not getting anything past you -- we did warm him up. We did bring some more flesh into him... The truth is, that was Tom's idea. I get it because it was an unspoken understanding between us that there's greater accessibility to Loki if he looks more like most people. Now, those are my words. Not his. But, he definitely wanted us to warm it up just a skosh.

How Loki's SFX Affected Its Makeup Design

With Loki, there's a ton of visual effects. With makeup, it's so dependent on lighting -- it can change everything. What was the biggest challenge about working on a show like this that has so many special effects being added in post?

What you just said, it's working on a show like this. Marvel gets it and they do it right. There's almost an aspect where we lean into these kinds of things. And we change nothing to take into account the constantly evolving and changing lighting effects. The approach was to keep everybody natural, or naturally beautiful. Whatever happened happened. [We] knew Marvel is going to give it the once over once it's all done. And if there was anything to address that did happen because of lighting, it would have happened in post.

But, to my knowledge, nothing was addressed. We just accepted that. At certain times, people would be pink because of the light. They would be blue because of the light or purple and we accepted that and didn't try to make any attempts to balance it or right it in any way. We leaned into it and accepted it made it part of the story. It was its own character, if you will.

Sylvie's Makeup Was Always Meant To Be "Natural"

Building off what you said about a natural look for Loki's actors, did you always know you wanted Sylvie's makeup to have a natural look?

Absolutely, absolutely. The approach there was less is more. We didn't want to bury her in beauty makeup. It would have been very easy to do, because Sophia Di Martino is gorgeous, of course. But, the idea was let's do just enough to keep her naturally beautiful.

Practical Ways To De-Center Whiteness In Makeup Rooms

You designed Hunter B-15's look, and you're well known in the industry for specializing in makeup palettes for people of color. Since you've been in the industry for so long, what are some practical things that people within the makeup department, or its heads, can do to make it less white-centered?

That's a great question. Get out of the way. You have room for everybody, especially with today's explosion of content. But I would say to those who are going to hold tightly that they may as well just squeeze it out of their hands, "Just understand color theory." And, have it in your head that if somebody wants someone to do their makeup that closer represents how they look, get out of the way. It really is that simple. As you said, I've made it a specialty, a rite of passage to learn the ins and outs of all color tones. For me, I bring that to the table, so I don't have to get out of the way; but I know enough to know when it is time.

I have an anecdote that relates. I just did the Netflix series [True Story] with Kevin Hart and Wesley Snipes for eight episodes. And Tawny Newsome [who portrays Billie in the upcoming series] was our leading lady, a beautiful African American woman. I could have done a bang-up job, but that wasn't the right decision to make. She needed a female makeup artist because it was a modern beauty glam look we were going to do on her. Now I do get modern beauty glam very well, but I wanted somebody that would do it great. So I got out of the way.

What's one, nitty-gritty thing that helped in expanding your understanding of color theory? Any books or makeup brands?

Oh, well, I could talk about makeup brands all day long. But, again, go back to the color theory. Get a color wheel from an art store. If you don't know how to mix colors, how to make primary and secondary colors to get tertiary colors, get a color wheel and be a sponge. I'm, what, 36 years in this career? 31 in film. I've never stopped learning. I'm never closed off to garnering new info. And when I don't, again, I get out of my way. I'm not up to snuff on this contemporary modern book with the square eyebrows, so I hired somebody that was.

But, getting back to your point, there are so many books. I have countless books on this very topic. I would say, "Be patient, learn color theory. And accept that, especially now, we're in an era where you may just have to get out of the way. And let it be what the person in the chair wants it to be." Because, ultimately, that's who we're there for, the actors.

You've been working in Marvel's world for a long time. What's one Marvel character that you would love to do their makeup or prosthetics?

I've never thought about it because, to be honest with you, I feel like I won the lottery. When we started with doing Loki on The Avengers, we didn't know what was gonna happen. I'm trying to think, hmm. On Captain Marvel, I was doing Skrulls -- that was fun. I did some work on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. when they had a couple of episodes with Kree.

They were so cool.

Right? I'm trying to think -- I did mention to somebody before that on The Avengers I was given the choice:  [Jeremy] Renner or [Mark] Ruffalo or this new guy called Tom Hiddleston. The makeup was described to me and I was told that Hulk was going to beat him up a little bit and we were going to do a little something-something and they asked, "What do you want to do?" And I said, "I want to do a little something-something." So, I landed with Tom.

I'd have to really think, "Who would I like?" I've done Lizzie Olsen's makeup for the Tom Hiddleston film I Saw the Light. I've done Idris Elba's makeup a couple of times for a couple of Marvel films, but also for a movie called Takers. And I worked with him on a movie called The Reaping. He's a gem, of course... I'm really happy with who sits in my chair at the beginning of every day on these things. I've never thought past that. I garner so much pleasure and we have so much joy together. I'm happy where I'm at... I'm happy with Loki. I love Loki.

Well, Loki is coming back for Season 2, so you never know who will pop in the chair.

I've heard we're coming back, but that's all I've heard. That's all I know. And that's truly wonderful for me because ignorance is bliss. Whatever they dream up, I'm always eager to jump in and be a part of it.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer's "Hush" Monsters Were Hand-Painted

Digging way back into your history, you were once a makeup designer on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is one of my favorite shows! What's one thing about that era of monster-makeup that you don't think gets enough credit for doing?

I always refer to Buffy the Vampire Slayer as Buffy the Weekend Slayer because we would get off on Saturday morning as the sun was coming up and have to be back to work a couple of hours before the sun came up on Monday... What you see is what you get. You had to be on your game. We were real craftspeople back then and there was no margin for error. The words that go with CGI simply didn't exist in 1999. You really had to be on point with makeup.

I would say what's lost now is the notion that makeup always has to be perfect. We know now it doesn't have to be perfect because we can fix it in post. I think a lot of people would say that helps us, but I think it handicaps those of us that are able to deliver the product without a computer's touch.

I remember I did one of the gentlemen on Buffy's episode, "Hush." My boss, Todd McIntosh, was saying, "You got to do the back of the neck... You never know what's gonna happen. You have to make sure that the back of the neck has makeup on." And, sure enough, the camera goes by and they were supposed to leave the frame, but the camera follows them. We just had to be on point and I think now many artists who came into the business with CGI, don't understand what it's like to be grinding your teeth and clenching your fists on set, hoping it looks okay because there's nothing left to fix it for you.

[mcsdiamonds]

More Choices opinions

Troy is actually not that bad. I am not a VIP player, so my latest chapter was 10 Another World, and it's honestly taken me until his diamond scene in this chapter to warm up to him.

To me he fell into PBs flirtatious goofball archetype, which I never find myself attracted to. They're never smooth enough to overcome the goofiness, even when PB tries to give them some tragic backstory. But something about Troy's diamond scene was written juuuuuust well enough to square that circle of "being the comic relief" and "being a viable love interest."

In particular I kind of compare him to Mal from Blades and Maxwell from TRR, but there's so many like "funny best friend who is also your LI" characters that the role has kind of become an instant no for me. Maxwell has his place in my heart for various reasons (I should make a Maxwell post.....❤️), but by the time Mal came around I was burnt out on the trope because, as I said, the circles never squared. If you're a goofball dork whose only function is to make pop culture references, in what context should I find you sexy?

Troy's diamond scene made me see his character different. If I hadn't played it, I would still see him as just another one of those archetypes, a character whose whole spot in the narrative hinges on having known you before the plot took off and whose actions barely justify being present. And someone whose humor is said to be covering up for something but for whom there's not really a dark enough background to be covering up for?? Idk, I feel like there's a lot of those.

But actually, everyone has lost someone in this apocalypse, so the humor is a good mask for coping. And actually Troy noticed something was up way before you did and was planning to leave the Tower the same night you did regardless of your plot unfolding.

(I sat there while playing through his explanation and thought, hey wait, that's actually interesting. Why didn't they have him leave before us and then we got in trouble for being close to a deserter and that's when our sister saw our name on the list, why did they write it to be so coincidental, why were we put on that list for such a bullshit unrealistic reason. You could have met him on the outside, either having found Eli first or just surviving on his own and having to explain himself to you, it could have even been like 1 or 2 chapters difference so it didn't seem so drawn out and it would have made him a way more interesting character off the bat and fixed the "mc is a dumbass" vibe, because the current problem of "wow even the comic relief saw it coming" solves itself. It makes him more cunning and us more Innocent instead of circumstance making us both look Dumb. Why does PB have such loose writing when things could be done so tightly with more grip jfc.)

And yeah, that makes him seem a lot more sly than he did before. In my version of things he comes off as even more resourceful, but you know, Pixelberry isn't perfect because they don't have me on their staff :) But, all things considered, he was at least way more aware than I gave him credit for because the original scene where he pops up on you in the woods like hours after you escape was just eye-rollingly coincidental. Of course you survived, I was able to romance you, you weren't going anywhere and I question why you just weren't part of the escaping group in the first place. Loose writing, very loose writing.

What wasn't loose writing was how he didn't miss a beat when you told him he didn't have to deflect everything with humor. He said something to the effect of "I don't know what you're talking about 🙃", which, okay. Mal from Blades had this moment too, but I honestly don't feel like Mal thought his situation was shit. Maxwell has also had a moment or two like this, but he's much more like Lily from Blood Bound where it's like, no this is just how they are? There is no mask they are just happy people, it's possible to be happy people. (Maxwell could have been more mask-y, but honestly the writing is just not behind it. When I rewrite TRR it will be there, but in canon it's much more his personality than a mask.) But Troy knows his situation is shit. It made me realize just how many dangerous situations he has been in and why he had that mask in the first place. I think it's because it's balanced out by a seriousness here, the ever-present danger and constantly fearing for your life, like just being in this abandoned park felt like a risk (seriously why were there no zombies im this loud as fuck park, the whole thing felt so suspicious), so of course he is going to try to keep up group cohesion with humor, he needs that cohesion to SURVIVE. Like these kind of characters need to be shown being serious about SOMETHING, and that was well on display here.

Honestly, the whole book is elevated by the setting, it's why I hate how many modern-era books they make. PB, you know your fantasy series are in a completely different league, can you stop pussyfooting around and actually commit to quality over quantity already. Oh what's that, your only fantasy series in now on hiatus and the most anticipated sequel has been pushed back ANOTHER year? Oh okay, guess you DON'T want my money.

Back to Troy: So in addition to being a lot more cunning and deep than I previously gave him credit for, he was actually SMOOTH in this chapter! He so far has not been super flirtatious with me as I have this thing about picking dialogue that I actually feel a human being would say, and shoehorning in how hot you find someone every conversation is definitely not how normal human beings talk. This chapter was my first or second romance decision with him, and I chose, "you're lucky you're pretty" because that's how I felt a friend would actually mock you if you have nasty taste in food. Because of this I feel like he's been pretty subdued; the game assumes if I am not throwing myself at him I am not interested, which is fine. I went into his diamond choice expecting to choose all the friend options and be done with it but he surprised me and the moment was written as such that I actually felt it was right to kiss him despite not choosing romance options for him in the past.

He also does that wall lean over you at one point and says something flirty, but also like relevant to the situation at hand, and I felt my mcs brain short circuit. That's hot. Why don't more choices characters act more subtly hot, why is it always extremely aggressive flirting, have PB staff never been flirted with before? Usually if a character is to suavely lean over you they'll give you the dialogue equivalent of "Are you from Tennessee? ;)" and you're supposed to act like that was a natural conversation progression and not just virgins writing pickup lines or harried clean up writers desperately trying to get the scene to work. Whoever wrote this scene actually knows what successful come ons actually entail, because this was it.

And it's really sad that I might have missed this if I hadn't been buying all the scenes for the Sanctuary bonuses. Regular people should know that Troy is actually hot!! It's totally unfair. Do you hear me, regular people??? He's hot!! He's HO—

[chiliiscereal]

Here’s the link for the full version ^ ——

Sister dear (Steve x sister reader)

(This is preseason one to show you what the background is on the whole story)

(let me know if you think this should be published as a separate book!)

You and Steve had a rocky start to being siblings.

You were born four years apart.

He was born in a time when your parents actually loved each other. They had time for birthdays and family weekends together. They went out to the park on saturdays. They were a picture perfect family.

It just so happened that when you were born, your father stopped being quite so faithful to your mother. When you came into the world, your father was in Europe on a business trip. And he wasn't only up to business.

Little Steve had adored you at first. He always wanted to hold you or play with you.

But then their parents no longer had time for him.

It was always work... and taking care of you.

It slowly changed over the years to only work, as your mother could no longer trust your father. Steve was left to watch you for weeks on end. He was good at it at first. He used to watch you carefully. He used to make sure you were happy and well...

Until he could no longer see his friends.

He was ten. You were five.

He began to leave you at home. At first it was only for thirty minutes while he went to the park. Then it was an hour every day during his elementary school days while he went to the movies.

You were seven when you began cooking your own meals.

You TRIED talking to him. You really did.

You tried catching his sleeve whenever he breezed past. You tried showing him crafts you made. You tried playing music you thought he might like.

That ended with twelve year old Steve pushing you away.

It ended with your works of art thrown in the trash.

Your music cassettes were thrown onto the road.

Your mother made sure both of you knew to never walk into the middle of the road, so you could only cry as some unknowing stranger destroyed your wonderful music. The music you had saved up all your allowance for. The music that you had thought your older brother would like. The music that you thought might bring you two together.

When your mother and father returned, you tattled.

Steve was grounded for a whole week.

But he always needed to have the last say. So he sold your boom box and spent all the money on comics. He threw your sketchbook in the quarry water. He shoved you to the floor, saying that if you ever tattled again then you would join your drawing book in the cold water.

You stopped trying to give Steve your attention and love. You no longer wished he would spend more time at home. So you began exploring the town by yourself at the age of nine. You didn't really have friends to hang out with so you would browse through stores.

The arcade was your favorite place.

You loved showing up early on Saturday mornings, before Steve was even awake, and leaving behind a new high score on the dragons lair.

Why?

Because it always riled up a group of boys your age. They had no idea who kept beating them over and over. Every Sunday morning you watched them walk in... only to scream a few seconds later about how someone had beaten their score by ONE point. Again.

You loved having some sort of connection to them. Even if they didn't know it was you. Or even who you were at all. They were a weird little group, strictly sticking with only other A.V club kids. Besides, you hardly ever talked. What would be so special about you?

It also didn't help that your older brother had begun to build himself a reputation. When you were ten, he began to be known as king Steve. You knew he bullied one of the kids (wills) older brother while beginning to flirt with another's (mike's) older sister.

You knew this because your father began forcing Steve to drive you home from school. That was the rule he set when he gave Steve the car.

Every day you trekked to the high school, only to watch Steve hang around Nancy Wheeler and push Johnathan Byers. You would have intervened and told him that you really didn't want to wait twenty minutes (out of sight) for him to be done. But the last time he did that he made you ride the way home in the trunk of his car.

When you were eleven, you started hanging out at Melvald's convenience store in the town square. Your favorite time to go there was at 7:00, because Mrs. Byers would always work the morning shift.

Wills mother was really quite wonderful. Every time you walked in she greeted you with a smile and lowered her magazine.

——-

"Whatcha lookin for today, kiddo?" She smiled softly, leaning on the counter to watch you browse.

"Any new cassette tapes." You shrugged, fingering each music case that caught your eye. "Do you have any Clash? I... lost mine." You didn't lose it. Steve broke it when he heard you mutter about how much you hated Tommy H.

"Yeah, we got a new box of cassettes delivered this morning." She hopped up and waved for you to follow her to the back room. "I miiiight have snagged a Clash cassette for you when I saw it." She grinned as she held the door open for the young girl.

"You didn't need to buy anything for me!" You gasped. You knew that the Byers needed all the money they could get. "Can I pay you back?" You immediately began digging through your pockets for spare change.

She placed a guiding hand on your back as you both entered, pulling you away from your search. "Oh no it's fine! It's the least I can do for my most frequent visitor."

She plucked the music case off the shelf and handed it to you. "You go to Hawkins elementary, right? You should talk to my son. Will. He also loves the Clash."

You turned red and clutched the cassette. "I've...seen him around before. I don't know how to talk to him."

"Oh it's easy!" She grabbed the spare paper and crayons you always used when you visited. "You just need to find common ground. For example," she pulled up a stool beside her for you to sit at, "you both like to draw!"

You placed down the paper and got working on your art. "Will it make a difference if I draw cartoons and he draws realistic? What if the difference is too big for him to want to talk to me?"

"It'll give you more to talk about!"

——

So began your quest to pursue friendship.

You attempted to speak to Will and his friends in the hall.

They were talking too loud about their latest campaign to hear you.

You tried asking to sit by them at lunch.

They were too busy launching potato's at the ceiling to notice.

Right when you almost gave up... Will and you were paired together as partners for a history project.

——-

'Don't mess it up, don't mess it up', you told yourself over and over as you moved to sit by Will. 'Don't be weird. See if he'll talk first. Don't be clingy.'

Wills was equally quiet. He just read through the rubric of the project and stayed silent.

'What can we talk about... what should I say?'

A drawing poking out of wills bag caught your eye. It looked like a wizard casting some sort of spell.

"I like your drawing!" You blurted out, wishing you could just shut up.

Wills jumped, startled. "Yeah... umm.. it's from... uh... it's from our last campaign.." he began fiddling with his thumbs, unsure of what to say to a girl. "Our DnD campaign... I mean."

You nodded along. "I like to draw to! I've never... I've never played DnD before... so I like to draw people."

Will cracked a shy smile. "I'll show you my drawing if you show me one of yours."

You agreed hesitantly.

He took your cartoon and you took his master piece. You desperately wished you could draw like him. Your cartoons looked so simple, as Steve always said.

"You're a cartoonist!" Will smiled, holding the paper out in front of him. It was a caricature of Mrs. Byers. "You must be the girl my mom sees at her job!" His eyes were wide with recognition. "This is so good! I wish I could draw cartoons. But whenever I try... they look like potato's." He laughed.

You flushed a deep red. "I... I'm also the one that beats your scores every Saturday." You admit.

His jaw dropped. "No way. We've been trying to figure out who that was for months! We formed a whole list of people to interrogate!" He ran a hand through his hair.

You giggled. "I can prove it... if you want. Next Saturday I could show you and your friends? At the arcade?"

"Yeah! I'm totally down to hang out at the arcade!"

——

Will had brought you to the A.V club after to ask the rest of the party. You had protested at first. What if they didn't like you? What if they said no? You would look so stupid! You tried to use your brother driving you home as an excuse.

But if you brought Steve up... no. You couldn't start a potential friendship like that.

Will proposed the ideas to everyone excitedly.

It seemed that Lucas had a problem with it immediately.

——-

"Sorry Will, but we can't." Lucas shook his head. "We've got plans."

Your heart dropped.

"Wait," Dustin frowned and turned to his friend. "What plans? I wasn't aware of any plans."

Lucas crossed his arms. "Remember? Our campaign?"

"We don't have a-."

Lucas elbowed him harshly and looked at you. "Can you leave for a second? We need to talk. ALONE."

You nodded and stepped out of the room. "Yeah totally! Just let me know when-."

The door slammed in your face.

You know you shouldn't have but you pressed your ear to the door anyway.

"What's your damage?" Mike Wheeler hissed quietly.

"Don't you know who she is?" Lucas accused.

"No... should we?" Will whispered in confusion.

"That's Y/N Harrington!" Lucas spat out.

"Steve Harrington's little sister." Dustin stated, now understanding.

Mike groaned. "The douche bag my sisters hooked on?"

"Yes! What if she's exactly like him?"

"You mean a total mouth breather? A player? An absolute jackass?"

You sunk to the floor. Of course Steve ruined the only chance you might have of a friendship. How could she think that these kids would look past her family's reputation? No one ever did. Even her teachers expected her to be disruptive and rude.

"Guys." Will intervened. "I talked to her in history."

"What?!"

"Traitor!"

"What about the party?"

Will lowered his voice, causing you to lean a little closer to the door. "She doesn't act like him. She never called me any names. She never told me that I'm a freak. She tried to talk to me about art."

"Steve definitely doesn't appreciate art." Dustin mumbled.

Wills continued. "She's a cartoonist. And I think she might be like us. You know who kept beating our dragon lair record?"

"Who?"

"Please tell me it wasn't Troy."

"Y/N Harrington."

"WHAT?!"

"IT WAS HER?!"

"GIRLS PLAY VIDEO GAMES?!"

[waywardimpalawriter]

"This whole time I've been using you to make me feel better, and you never caught on. You never caught on. I want you to hate me now, but I don't think you're even able to." With Dean? Sorry, I'm on mobile so it took me so long to write this out lol.

Goodbyein her eyes

Summary: When pushed too farsometimes you just have to walk away.

Pairing: Demon Dean x Reader, MoCDean x Reader

Characters: Dean, Reader, Sam

Rating: R on the safe side

Warnings: angst, torture,violence, heart broken

Word count: 1,529

Setting: Middle to end of season10

Notes: I struggled with how towrite this story/drabble that’s why it took me so long. Anon requests plus angstdrabble starter request. They fit so well together so I thought why not do themtogether. Italics means flashbacks to when Dean is a demon torturing the reader.This story is from Dean’s point of view.

Taglist: Taken off or put on send me an ask.

Forever: @winters-buck @angryschnauzer @marvel-lucy @feelmyroarrrr @aquabrie @fandommaniacx @thetalesofmooseandsquirrel @supernaturallymarvellous

Supernatural: @smoothdogsgirl @aprofoundbondwithdean @ruprecht0420  @oneshoeshort

 I couldsee it in her eyes, such sadness and regret mixed with a heavy dose of goodbye.I knew from the moment she told me everything’s copacetic that somethings trulywrong. She’s been avoiding me for the better part of three days. Can’t say as Iblame her much not after everything I’ve put her through. Words that were meantto kill what was left of her love for me, disappearing for weeks, capturing andtorturing her for days, leaving her for dead. Now that one should’ve taken thecake right but no none of that detrude my stubborn girl.  

Adamantlystating that what I’d done; the pain I’d caused wasn’t my fault I’d been ademon at the time. Soul black as night because if that damned Mark of Cain andthe First blade. Yet every time I closed my eyes I saw what I’d done, the messI’d made of her. The scars I left and she forgave me for.

“I told you not to follow me, to let me go andwhat’d you do?” Knife’s edge drawing a thin line of blood to drip down herright forearm making it dance in all directions. Knowing it’ll leave a permanentreminder behind a warning I told her to heed. The muted scream from behind thegag is all I gets.

“Ah yes I remember now,” evil smirk gracing my lipsas I sneer at her. “Follow, that’s what you’ve done when I explicitly told youto stay away. I always figured you were stupid Y/N but not this much.”    

Pulling the gag from her aching jaw that she worksout with slow little wiggles and stretches hands still firmly bound behind herback, “this isn’t you Dean fight it, come back to us, to me.”

Dark laughter resounded off the run down shack myfingers like a vice gripping her chin, leaving bruises behind. “This is mesweetheart a new and improved version and truthfully I like what I’ve become.” Sneerfirmly in place while bending down to stare right into her blood shot and puffyeyes.

Eyes thatI’d come to love to have shining with trust and happiness. That now glanceevery so often to make sure I haven’t ran off again to rejoin Crowley as hisKnight of hell. Like that would ever happen. The burn reminding me all it wouldtake is one person snuffing out my life again and I’ll be right back to squareone. I couldn’t have that for Sam’s sake and hers. Though no matter how manytimes I’ve told both to leave me be neither will give up. It’s the reasonCharlie’s gone, left in a pool of her own blood battered and broken for us tofind. It’s how she’ll end up if she doesn’t leave.

“Then kill me now Winchester. Get it over withalready or are you all talk?” she sneered right back at me. Fighting her boundswith all the strength she could wanting to get free.

For whatpurpose I didn’t know. Stronger, faster and could over power her smaller framewithin seconds even without being a demon, Y/N couldn’t get even to the frontdoor before I’d be on her.

“Now where’s the fun in that little one? Not verysporting to just kill and run,” another dark chuckle leaves my lips making herflinch. “Come on sweet cheeks you telling me you don’t like what I’ve become?”

Staying mute eyes blazing as she watched me watchingher. Minutes could’ve been hours ticked by as I grew bored with the wholesituation. “Always the chatty one, now you’re mute. Where was that during thoselong drives when I wished you’d shut up prayed that I had duct tape to keep thewords from spilling out. Better yet slapping,” pulling his open palm backlanding a hard slap to her cheek that sends her and the chair she’s sitting into the floor, “the shit out of you to shut up.”

Tears springingto her eyes as she tries to hold back the sob that threatens to flow from herbusted lip tongue peeking out to taste coppery blood. “If you didn’t want mearound you could’ve just said something,” voice catching trying to keep herfear and cries in.

“And have Sammy boy pouting like a fucking two yearold,” rolling my eyes and righting her chair my head shaking in disgust. “I don’tknow why I put up with either of you for so long.”

“Because you love us,” trying to reason with thepart of Dean she hoped is still inside him.

Scoffing stepping away, “Love ain’t got nothing todo with it babe. The whole time I’vebeen using you to make me feel better, and you never caught on. You nevercaught on, I want you to hate me now, but I don’t think you’re even able to.You’re to pathetic, whine and useless for anything other than a few good fucksand even then it’s subpar at best. Lisa had been far better than you.”

Gasping this time a sob really did leave her drycracked lips eyes blinked back hot tears that still betrayed her state of mindby sliding down cool cheeks. “You don’t mean that,” always the fear in the backof her mind that I never loved her as much as I had Lisa.

Confirming that idea gave me such glee, “Ohsweetheart you wish, Lisa was/is ten times better the woman you are. I nevergot over her and never will.”

Memoriesfading like the late day sun while taking a long pull of the cool beer in myhand. Passing the bottle between my palms over the hardwood of the table underneathglancing up when I heard footsteps approach the kitchen door. Remembering the finalstraw that made her decision to leave etching itself in stone after the Styne’stried to destroy the Bunker. She knew I couldn’t be trusted not with the Markon my arm, I’d become even more volatile. Killing innocent people even if thekid had been a Styne and finding Cas beat up to the point of death. Not fearingme but what the Mark was turning me into. That fear driving her away and I’mletting it happen.    

“Sam’sgot my number if he needs anything,” I could feel her search my posture; thetense set of my shoulders and bowed head. I knew she’s waiting for me to saysomething anything to keep her from going.  

But I couldn’tnot with how I treated her. The words I said and have let her believe. To thisday I don’t understand why she forgave me but then I knew she’s stronger than Iever will be and a purer soul.

“Takecare of yourself,” the only words I could get passed my lips without baring mysoul.

Deep breathtaken in, “You really are just going to let me leave?”

“Yup,”another drink the Mark burning my forearm reminding me why I’m letting the bestthing in my life best sides Sam leave.

I couldhear her sniffle, can imagine the tears that slip down her cheeks, the longthin still red and healing scar down her forearm. The haunted look I put inthose beautiful once shining eyes. Eyes that told me long again that goodbyewas coming I just hadn’t known when.

Hearing theswallow, knowing she wants to say more, “Take care of yourself Winchester I’llbe praying for you.”

When hadanyone’s prayers ever been answered? Never that’s when and I knew her’s wouldn’teither. However, I held my tongue on that subject. “Take care of yourselfsweetheart,” I couldn’t help the term of endearment that slipped passed mydefenses hoped she wouldn’t catch it. Or if she did think nothing of it so Iheld my breath waiting.

Finallylooking up seeing her nod, duffle bag slung over one shoulder left hand holdingonto the strap like a lifeline to a drowning man. “See ya around,” three simplewords and she’s gone nothing else said nor will ever again.

Standing myanger over flows as the brown bottle goes flying across the room shatteringinto a thousand pieces just like my none existence heart. Over throwing thetable in a fit of blind rage the Mark fueling my anger. Shoving everything offthe counters making glasses and mugs shatter, and pots bang to the ground whenI rip the hanger from the ceiling.  Myown hot tears mixing with the anger flowing through my veins as I fall againstthe wall to the floor. I should be relieved instead I just feel empty inside.  I knew I’d never change the goodbye in hereyes and part of me didn’t want to. I had to keep her safe for my sanity orwhat’s left of it anyway.

Maybe oneday I’ll find her again, explain and hope that I can win her back. Till then I’mstuck with this thing on my arm and very little hope as that just walked outthe door carrying my heart with her.  

End…