#i was reading this book then i went like PAUSE-
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walkinâ out the door with your bags â part 6
‷ âiâm not the type to run, i know weâre having fun,â
summary: you and gigi are peacefully enjoying your day, when you find out, graysonâs⊠back? and he wants to talk. what could go wrong? wc: 3.0k masterlist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5
14 years oldâŠÂ
you found him hiding in the library. Â
he was slumped in the corner, knees pulled to his chest, head buried in his arms. at first, you werenât sure it was himâgrayson hawthorne never looked so⊠small.Â
his usually pristine shirt slightly wrinkled like heâd been tugging at the hem, and it wasnât tucked in. he didnât look straight at you when you stepped in, but he didnât tell you to leave either. Â
âwhat do you want?â his voice cracked, but he tried to sound cold. Â
you didnât answer. instead, you sat down beside him, legs crossed, like it was the most normal thing in the world.Â
he blinked at you, waiting for an explanation, but you just shrugged. years of knowing each other, and it always went down like this.Â
âcompany.â you picked a random book off the nearest shelf and flipped it open. âyou can pretend iâm not here.â
he didnât reply.
minutes passed. long enough that you thought maybe he really would ignore you. at one point, you began actually reading the book you were pretending to read, and nearly forgot about the boy beside you.
but then, out of nowhere, he spoke.
âi donât know what to do.â he admitted slowly. âthereâs this girl⊠emily,â he said, his voice low, and you felt your heart beat faster. âand⊠my brother. jameson.â
your chest tightened, though you werenât sure why. your kept your gaze fixed on the pages of your book, but your hands had stopped turning the pages.
âwhat about them?â you asked carefully, glancing at him for a second.
he ran a hand through his hair. âsheâs⊠complicated. and jamesonâhe doesnât think. he just jumps into things, never stops to think what it might do to everyone else.â
you hesitated, breath hitching as you studied the way he wouldnât look straight into your eyes. whatever this was, clearly meant a lot.
he continued, looking down at the floor. âit gets repetitive. jameson, emilyâthey donât think about the damage until itâs too late. and then they leave me to clean it up. and stupidly, for some reason, i do. i always do.â
youâve seen grayson sad before, but this was different. he looked⊠lost. and angry. and for someone like grayson, who always carried himself like he had the whole world in order, it was jarring.
âyouâre allowed to be mad, you know,â you said.
that made him pause. âiâm not mad,â he said, but the words sounded like a blatant lie.
your shoulders were barely touching , but the act alone felt larger than anything else.Â
you tilted your head, a soft smile growing on your face. âokay, then youâre⊠frustrated? dissapointed? annoyed? irritated? pick your adjective.â
that earned the tiniest flicker of a smile, and your chest felt a little lighter, but then it disappeared just as quickly. he looked at you then, and something about the way his eyes searched your face made your breath catch.
âsometimes, i think youâre the only person who actually sees me,â he said quietly.
your heart stuttered, and for a second, you couldnât think of anything to say.Â
but then you smiled, âof course i see you,â you rolled your eyes jokingly like he hadnât just sincerely confirmed that he really did see you as a friend, after years of just feeling like you pestered him.Â
your cheeks reddened, âiâm your friend, thatâs what iâm here for.âÂ
âbut, you know,â you continued, âyouâre surrounded by people who care about you,â you said softly, taking the focus away from you, and back to being there for grayson. âjust let yourself see it. donât push them away.â
his head snapped up at that, his sharp eyes meeting yours. âbut people never just⊠stay.â he mumbled. âthey have their own lives, their own motives.â
you stayed. you always would. âthat doesnât mean you have to shut everyone out,â you said, your voice steadier now.
ânot everyoneâs going to hurt you, grayson. but you wonât know that if you keep closing the door before anyone gets close. i mean, i annoyed you for so many years straight even when you pushed me away.â you said.Â
ânot everyone has my extreme level of patience and willingness to accept moody brooding.â you joked to lighten the moment, but there was truth behind it, he couldnât expect people to stick around if he pushed them away.
he stared at you for a long moment, and something in his expression cracked, like he wanted to believe you but didnât quite know how yet.Â
he looked back at the floor, âyou never actually irritated me,â he admitted, âand i never hated you. perhaps youâre right, i donât⊠i donât like to let people in.âÂ
you shrugged casually, âiâm always right.âÂ
he looked at you with a newfound softness in his eyes. âyouâre annoyingly persistent, you know that?â he said finally, your shoulders still brushing against each other.Â
âoh, i know.â you grinned. âif i wasnât, we wouldnât be friends right now.â you said with a small smile. âsomeoneâs gotta stick around to remind you youâre not as alone as you think.â
for a while, neither of you said anything. grayson leaned his head back against the wall, letting out a long, quiet breath.Â
that was when you knew he was replaying your words, letting them sink inâeven if he wouldnât say it outloud.Â
âÂ
present
after days of confusion and radio silence from grayson, you finally told yourself that you were done overthinking. gigi had dragged you to your favorite ice cream shop for a much-needed distraction.Â
the two of you sat at your usual table near the front, the smell of waffle cones and the soft hum of background music lulling you back into some sense of normalcy. that was until gigi leaned closer, her voice a hushed whisper.
âdonât look now, butâŠâ gigi trailed off, her eyes going behind you once again. âgrayson is kind of, um, here. and sitting behind you.âÂ
considering gigi had made very careful effort to not even mention his name around you â even when you persisted you didnât careâ hearing graysons name come from her lips stunned you for a moment, then you realized what she had just said.Â
âwhat?â you whispered in shock, and then you turned around before you could think it twice.Â
there were quite a few people in the shop, so there was quiet chatter mixed with the background music, but it all seemed to silence.Â
but there he was, grayson hawthorne, sitting in the back of the empty icecream shop, glasses on typing on his computer.
âwho did he think he was?â you thought, âcoming to ourâ my place? the one that i introduced him to?âÂ
you focused on the anger so you wouldnât feel anything else.Â
what on earth was he doing here? who the hell comes to an ice cream shop and doesnât even get anything? and does what, office work? and whoâ
he looked up through his glasses, and you realized to late that you were sort of⊠full blown staring.Â
he met your eyes for the briefest of seconds as you turned your head back around.Â
âholy cowâŠâ gigi mumbled as she looked down at her icecream, âheâs giving you a major longing stare right now.â
âokay,â you hummed, raising your eyebrows momentarily in lieu of a shrug that he would he able to see, âi donât care.â
âsure you donât,â she replied knowingly, dragging her spoon through her melting sundae. you gave her a look that said you didnât agree, and that you seriously did not care, but she didnât say anything.Â
a beat passed before gigi suddenly grinned. âokay. in five seconds, iâm giving him a major angry glare.â she mumbled under her breath.Â
âgigi, do not.â
âthreeâŠ
âseriously, donât.â
âtwo⊠one. iâm doing it!â
âgigi!â
she tilted her head back up, and bless her heart, gave her best attempt at a seething glare at grayson.Â
it was sort of impossible for her to look angry with her wide blue eyes, no matter how hard she furrowed her brows.Â
and she didnât let up at it for a few seconds, then raised her eyebrows â half surprised and half amused. âha,â she grinned to herself and fisted the air. âhe looked away first. loser.âÂ
he was probably just crazily confused, you reckoned.Â
âokay,â you chuckled under your breath, your cheeks reddening by the second. âum, should we leave now?â
âno,â gigi whined, taking a bite of her icecream. âthatâll make it obvious weâre mad. besides, i havenât finished my icecream.âÂ
âwell, i think that look you gave him made it more obvious,â you told her, and she only laughed as she shook her head. âbut alright.âÂ
it wasnât long before you left. you didnât even have an appetite any more, and you were too overly aware of a presence behind you to focus on anything else. gigi finished her icecream promptly.Â
the drive home was quiet. gigi hummed along to the radio, her mood as bright as ever, but you couldnât shake the tightness in your chest.Â
your thoughts churned, questions youâd been trying to bury for a few days swirling all over again.
âyouâre quiet,â gigi said after a while, her tone soft. she glanced at you, concerned, but you only shook your head, trying to force a small smile.
âjust tired,â you mumbled.
gigi didnât push, and you could tell she didnât buy it.
you pulled into the driveway and sat there for a moment, the car engine ticking softly as it cooled. gigi patted your arm before grabbing her bag and heading inside.
you smiled and nodded, muttering something like ïżœïżœiâll meet you inside,â and you stayed behind for a moment, staring at the steering wheel.
your phone was put on silent, then you scrolled through your notifications.Â
graysonÂ
â Hi, I believe I saw you and Gigi today
you
â yeah haha i think gigi told me she saw you i thought you were gone for 8 days? â itâs nice to see you back
graysonÂ
â Likewise. â I think we should talk, Itâs been long overdue.Â
a scoff escaped before you could stop it. the audacity.
your fingers moved before your brain could catch up.
you
â ok â talk thenÂ
grasyon
â Would you be alright with talking in person?
youÂ
â yeah sure whatever â where?
grayson
â Iâll come to you.
you
â maybe not â i donât want to disturb gigi
grayson
â Our park spot, then?
you
â ok
your heart slammed in your chest. you sat there for a moment, staring at the screen wordlessly, trying to process what just happened.Â
our? how could he even still use that word?
this was happening, you were going to talk to grayson for real this time. you anticipated it wouldnât end good. things with him were rarely easy.
you put on your headphones to numb your thoughts, pulled on a hoodie, and made your way out the house.Â
the playground was completely empty, which was usually how it was when you and grayson used to go. the sun was already beginning to set when you walked out of your house, and it was fully dark once you arrived, making your way toward your spot. the bench.
it wasnât anything specialâjust a worn wooden bench tucked away at the edge of the playground. but it had been yours. you and graysonâs.
he was already there when you arrived, sitting with his elbows resting on his knees, staring at the ground like it might have the answers he needed.
you sat down on the opposite end of the bench, keeping a deliberate distance. âokay,â you said, crossing your arms. âtalk.â the park was eerily quiet, the air cooling rapidly as the sun finally disappeared behind the trees. the bench felt cold under your fingers as you sat down, the weight of the moment settling in.
his eyes flicked to yours, and for the first time, you thought you saw a hint of guilt there.Â
you were both silent for a few seconds, before you looked away, down at the floor.
âfine, if you wonât talk, i will.â you muttered.Â
âgrayson,â you sighed, âyou canât justââ you started, your voice breaking slightly before you caught yourself.Â
you cleared your throat, willing the tears to stay put. âyou canât just disappear and then show up like nothing happened. like iâm supposed to just... what? forget it?â
he inhaled, then hesitated. âyou know, i never meant it to be like this. i didnât mean for it to feel like that.â he said quietly, his tone so calm that it just made you more angry.
âfeel like what, grayson?â you finally snapped your head towards his. âlike you were ignoring me? like you couldnât be bothered to let me know what was going on? because thatâs exactly what it felt like.â
his jaw tightened, but he didnât say anything.
âthatâs it?â you scoffed, followed by a bitter laugh as you sat up straight. âyou disappear, you come back, and all youâve got is âi didnât mean for it to feel like that?ââ
he wielded silence like a weapon, just like he always had.
you continued, still. âwhatâs going on with you? youâre acting soâ so different, i barely even recognize you.â
he let out a breath as he looked away, running a hand through his hair. âplease, donât make this harder than it already is,â he started, his voice calm but careful. âyes, we are good friends, but weâve tarnished that too far for us to ever be simply friends again.â
âwhat? grayson,â you said through a forced laugh, âwhat are you even saying right now?â you knew precisely what he was saying.Â
âyouâre a good person.â he said, almost sounding like he was begging for you to see his point, âyouâre a lovely person, the most caring and funniest person iâve met. you deserve better, iâm not the person for you.âÂ
âgrayson, what is wrong with you?â you couldnât help but laugh at the absurdity at what you were hearing, but you were so frustrated at hisâŠÂ selfishness.
âi want you, you want me, right? itâs that simple! just let us be us.â
âitâs never that simple.â he shook his head, that one strand falling back into his face. his brows furrowed slightly like the words hurt him to say.
âit is that simple! youâre making no sense, justâ just stop.â you stood up, and he followed, fear flashing in his eyes momentarily.Â
you took a slow step away from him.
âyou kissed me! you kissed me.â your voice crackled, and you swallowed thickly, forcing yourself to keep going. âif you knew from day one that you couldnât do this, you shouldâve just spared me the effort and left me alone.â
he looked at you like youâd shot a dagger through his heart, though his eyes were the only thing that showed it. were you being unfair? probably. but in your eyes, you had every right to be.Â
as much as both of you hated to admit, his eyes were far too easy for you to read. they were like a language only you were fluent in, like you could have a whole conversation without even speaking.
now, all they said was pain.Â
âyouâre the only thing making things more difficult, gray.â you hated the way your voice trembled.Â
low blow after low blow. but he deserved it.Â
all those nights youâd spent together? he knew you inside and out, what hurts you, what doesnât, and exactly how you love.
he knew all of that, and he still thought that leaving because things were difficult was going to be the right thing.
this couldnât be real.
âlook at us, donât you see it?â he motioned between the two of you, like whatever was happening was a tangible thing he could see. âweâre fighting like this, and weâre not even together. weâre going to ruin each other.â
ruin each other? is that what he thought? god knows how many years of friendship, a pretty perfect friendship too, and he thought making something official would lead to you ruining each other?Â
you werenât fighting with him, you were trying to fight for him. for the chance of you actually being something more.Â
âwe canât do this.â his voice felt so detached, but his eyes looked so hurt at the same time. he didnât getto feel hurt, not when it was his fault. âweâll just end up hurting eachother, and i donât want to hurt you.â
you nodded silently, willing your tears back. every inch of you you wanted to scream in his face, âyou already have! you coward.â
he was doing nothing but hurt you these past few days.
instead, you nodded, biting the inside of your cheek to keep the tears at bay.
âyeah,â you said, pressing your lips together as you nodded again. âalright. i get it. thatâs it then?â
graysonâs eyes narrowed for a split second like he was confused.Â
was he surprised? did he think you were going to hang on longer? because you werenât. youâd spent far too much energy on him. you always saw him as someone worth spending you time on, someone worth trying to figure out, someone you wanted to know.
but you understood now: he didnât want you to figure him out because he didnât even know who he was himself. he was scared. but that wasnât an excuse; you were terrified, and you still were.Â
love had always been your fatal flaw, the one thing you were unsure of, but you were willing to dive in head first because it was grayson.Â
he just didnât feel as deeply though.Â
you didnât want to figure him out, and you didnât want to know anything about him anymore.Â
he didnât answer right away. instead, he looked at you, and for a moment, his mask slipped. his eyesâthose stupid, stupid eyesâ almost made you want to feel sorry for him. he looked vulnerable, but you were too angry to let it affect you this time.
âi⊠yes.â grayson finally said, sounding unsure of himself for once in his life. âi suppose thatâs it.â
âgood,â you nodded as your crossed your arms, âbecause i donât want to hear what you have to say ever again.âÂ
he reached his hands out but quickly let his arms fall back, curling his fingers into a fist.Â
he looked at you like he didnât know what to say, his mouth opening and closing before he finally settled on just staying silent.
you still felt like there was a million unspoken words that needed to be said, but you turned and walked away.Â
for once, you didnât wait to see if heâd try again.
you willed your feet to move and not think about how he looked behind you, because if you did, even for a second, you had a feeling youâd turn right back.Â
a/n: guys it gets better i swear theyâll be happier than ever soon đ taglist: @x-liv25-jamieswife @wish-i-were-heather @thecircularlibrary @whatsamongus @littlemissmentallyunstable
@anintellectualintellectual @lovethornes @maybxlle @sheisntyou @emelia07
 @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @charsoamerican @hxress23 @imaseabearÂ
@clarissaweasley-10Â @off-to-the-r4ces @thelov3lybookworm @graysw1fe @lanterns-and-daydreamsÂ
@hermesenthusiast @elysianwayy77Â @that-daughter-of-hephaestus @apollosmusee
#grayson hawthorne#grayson hawthorne x reader#the grandest game#the inheritance games#jameson hawthorne#xander hawthorne#nash hawthorne#tig#tgg#grayson hawthorne x you#grayson hawthorne fanfic#grayson hawthorne headcanons#gigi grayson#⊠jude writes
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ââââ àšà§ THE BOOK CLUB â GRAYSON HAWTHORNE + READER â§âË
a/n: pt two here we are!!! do i have any idea where this plot is going??? no. but you're along for the ride bitches so enjoy!! also if this is shit its bc im sleep deprived :)
[part one] i'm a fan
"it all happened so fast. everyone was happy... and then something happened... and now... now he's dead!" alya sobs from her spot on the couch.
"did you just spoil the book we're all reading together??" kira shrieks from her position on the mattress.
"i think the bitch actually just spoiled the entire book," pheobe rolls her eyes from underneath her blanket on the mattress next to kira's.
"oh come on you knew something like this was gonna happen!"
"yeah but i wasn't expecting it to be screamed aloud while i'm halfway through," kira says exasperated. "i mean please its not even five thirty yet, we got here an hour ago, how are you already finished?"
"alya, this is why we don't come over anymore," pheobe groans. "none of us were expecting that and now you've spoiled it."
"oh cry about it, i'm moving onto my next book anyway, does anyone want some snacks while i'm in the kitchen?" alya smiles nodding her head when kira requests some food and a bottle of water.
"so we're clearly never having a book club sleepover again guys," you say looking at the camera.
"no we're gonna have another," pheobe says shuffling over into the frame. "alya's just not invited."
ââââ
yn.books
liked by alya.green, maxine.liu.loo, pheobethereader, kirasbooknook, graysonhawthorne and 672, 983 others
yn.books the book girlies unite!! for a sleepover a trip and a readathon (alya will not be invited back) stay tuned for the yt video!
tagged: alya.green, pheobethereader, kirasbooknook
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alya.green I AM OFFENDED
kirasbooknook good
pheobethereader had a lovely time with you girls can't wait to do it again (except for you alya)
alya.green u guys are so mean wtf
user1 im desperate to know why alya's in trouble lmaooo
user2 and im desperate to know why grayson is still in the likes
user3 THE GIRLIES ARE IN TEXAS I SAW THEN TODAY AND ASKED FOR A PHOTO!!!!
user4 they're in texas you say đđ
user5 divine rivals crushed me oh my goshhhh
graysonhawthorne divine rivals was a enticing read, thank you for the recommendation.
user6 ok so i died-
user7 OH OH OK SO WTF WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME GRAYSON IS HERE???
maxine.liu.loo the book girlies are together again!!! (invite me next time)
yn.books already done ;)
ââââ
"they're mine," max's voice snips through the quiet of the room. she's staring directly at grayson and clearly referring to the book girls she watches.
"i'm not trying to steal anyone," grayson tries to reassure her.
"you're obsessed with my favorite one! why couldn't you have gone for pheobe or kira?" max huffs, you were her favorite. grayson had no right to become - rightfully - infatuated with you, and no matter how much he tries to deny it everyone can see he likes you. its painfully obvious.
"again i'm not stealing anyone, i've interacted like three times with-"
"grayson! the girl you're obsessed with posted another youtube video," jameson's extremely loud voice cuts through the room and emits a groan from grayson.
"i'm not obsessed with anyone," he says rising from his spot on the couch and picking up ruthless vows, which by the way he definitely went out and bought after he read divine rivals. what? he wanted to know what happened.
"oh my gosh they're in texas!!!" max screeches clearly watching the video. "they're in texas for a red carpet that they've been invited to!" she pauses watching for more conext. "they been invited to ask the people on the red carpet about books! oh my god- XANDER. we have to go to this event oh my gosh please?"
"sure and you can bring grayson along so he can officially join the book club, and meet his new idol," jameson smirks from the doorway
grayson responds by flipping him off.
ââââ
graysonhawthorne
liked by thehawthorneheiress, ticking.time.bomb, yn.books, kirasbooknook and 4, 892, 647 others
graysonhawthorne a nice day out
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user1 i need him religiously
user2 NO BOOK THIS TIME???
user3 oh he is scrumptious isn't he
ticking.time.bomb i saw you obsessing over what photos to choose in case a certain someone saw this gray.....
user4 PLS TELL ME ITS WHO I THINK IT IS
thexanderhawthorne oh it is...
user4 OH MY GODDDD
user5 IN THE LIKES LOOK WHOS IN THE LIKES!!!!!!
user6 they're so into each other
alya.green we gotta catch up and talk about this whole situation buddy boy
user7 ALYA đđ
user8 i need him to go to the red carpet so they can meet!!!
ââââ
maybe grayson should go to that red carpet... i mean he was invited. whats the worst that could happen?
đ . âź đ·ïž tags .á Öč â ê±
@arqbella, @midiosaamor, @maybxlle @reminiscentreader, @sweetreveriee
@elysianwayy77 @tornqdowarnings, @catapparently, @zenikswaffleshop, @thelov3lybookworm
#ems writes áŻâ
#the inheritance games#the hawthorne legacy#the final gambit#the brothers hawthorne#the grandest game#grayson hawthorne#grayson davenport hawthorne#grayson hawthorne x fem!reader#grayson hawthorne x y/n#grayson hawthorne x you#grayson hawthorne x reader#grayson x reader#tig#thl#tfg#tbh#tgg
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Furry Hero
Characters: Dean Winchester x Y/N Female character    Â
Summary: A beautiful request from @deanwinchestersgirl8734
That was passed on by @jackles010378 ( Thank you for thinking of me â€ïž )
"Hey I was wondering if you ever thought of writing a dean or Jensen or Sam or Jared story about them meeting someone they like who has a service dog I follow someone online who has a seizure dog and I've never seen anyone write about that"
I hope you like it, it was new for me to write a story like this. So I might made a mistake or two about service dogs but I wanted to shine a light on these everyday heroes as well.
Warnings: None
English is not my first languageÂ
*Please do not copy my work, reblog/comments/likes are appreciated*Â
The musty smell of old books and the faint hum of fluorescent lights created an almost reverent silence in the small-town library. Sam Winchester pushed open the heavy door with a grin, his brother Daan trailing close behind, looking less than enthusiastic.
"Why do you always pick libraries?" Dean grumbled as they walked in. "Whatâs wrong with a good olâ diner? Coffee, pie, real conversations?"
"Because libraries have records," Sam shot back, his long stride quickly overtaking Dean. "And the last thing this case needs is for you to flirt your way into trouble again."
Dean rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm just saying, a little charm goes a longâ" He stopped mid-sentence, his attention snapping to a figure seated at a nearby table.
A woman sat with a dog at her feet, flipping through a thick tome with practiced ease. Dean barely registered the woman's features because the dogâa fluffy, caramel-colored Golden Retrieverâcaught his attention first. Without thinking, Dean dropped into a crouch, extending his hand.
"Who's a good boy?" Dean cooed, the smile on his face rivaling the brightness of the overhead lights.
The dog's ears perked, its intelligent eyes locking onto Dean's hand before the womanâY/Nâcleared her throat. "Um, excuse me." Her tone was polite but firm, tinged with amusement. "He's a service dog. Please donât pet him while heâs working."
Sam stifled a groan, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Dean, seriously?"
Dean froze, his hand midway to the dog's head, looking sheepish. "Right. Sorry. Service dog. Got it." He straightened up, brushing off invisible dirt from his jeans. "Guess I got a little excited. It's just⊠he's so fluffy."
Y/N chuckled softly, her eyes flicking between the brothers. "It happens more than you'd think. Most people canât resist Buddy here."
Sam stepped in, his expression a mix of apology and curiosity. "Sorry about my brother. He's got no impulse control. I'm Sam, and this is Dean."
"Y/N," she replied with a small smile. "So, what brings you guys to this dusty corner of the world?"
Dean and Sam exchanged a quick glance, the unspoken language of years of hunting passing between them. Dean took the lead, his charm dialed back to a respectable level. "Weâre looking into some⊠stuff going on in town. About the missing people, you wouldnât happen to know anything, would you?"
Y/N frowned, her hand pausing on the page sheâd been reading. "I havenât seen anything myself, butâŠ" She glanced down at Buddy, her expression thoughtful. "A couple of nights ago, Buddy started acting weird while we were walking past that old blue house on Sycamore Street. You know, the one where the girl went missing last week?"
Sam nodded, pulling a small notebook from his jacket. "What do you mean by weird? "
"Growling," Y/N confirmed. "And he wouldnât go near the property. Buddyâs trained to stay calm, so it really freaked me out. I crossed the street, and even then, he kept his eyes locked on that house until we were out of sight."
Dean leaned against the table, his interest piqued. "Did you notice anything else? Lights on? Strange smells? Anything at all?"
Y/N shook her head. "No, but the air felt⊠off. Like, ice cold." She hesitated. Dean looked at Sam who just nodded but turned back to Y/N.
"If youâre okay with would you mind letting us know if Buddy picks up on anything else? Dogs are a lot more sensitive to things than people are."
Y/N glanced down at Buddy, who let out a soft huff as if in agreement. "Sure. I was planning to walk by there later today anyway. I can let you know if anything seems off."
"Perfect," Dean said, his grin returning. "In the meantime, you got any more tips for not offending a service dog?"
Y/N laughed, a genuine sound that made Dean's grin widen. "Just donât call him fluffy again."
Sam started to walk back, Dean gave her his 'FBI' card. "Maybe you eh, could learn me a thing or two in a private talk?" Y/N smiled why don't you walk with us tonight?"
Later That day
The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky, painting the quiet park in shades of amber and gold. Y/N stood near the entrance, Buddyâs leash wrapped loosely around her hand as she scanned the area. Her heart fluttered slightly when she spotted Dean strolling toward her, his leather jacket slung casually over his shoulder and his trademark grin firmly in place.
"Hey," Dean greeted, his voice warm as he stopped a few feet away. His gaze dropped to Buddy, who stood alert at Y/Nâs side. "Still working, huh? Guess Iâll keep my hands to myself this time."
Y/N laughed, shaking her head. "Probably for the best. But heâs off-duty once we start walking in the park. Thatâs his rule, not mine."
Dean crouched, giving Buddy a respectful nod. "You hear that, pal? Iâm in your territory now."
Buddy wagged his tail slightly, his usual stern demeanor relaxing just a bit, and Y/N chuckled again. "I think heâs starting to like you. Thatâs impressiveâhe doesnât warm up to most people."
Dean straightened, his grin turning just a touch smug. "Well, I do have a way with animals... And women."
Y/N rolled her eyes playfully but couldnât help the smile that crept onto her face. "So, whatâs the plan? You asked me out to make up for the dog thing, and here we are. A romantic walk in the park?"
Dean tilted his head, pretending to think. "Thatâs part of it. The other partâs getting to know you better." Touched by the sincerity in his voice, Y/N nodded, feeling her nerves ease.
The two of them fell into an easy rhythm as they walked along the parkâs winding paths, Buddy trotting happily ahead. They talked about everything and nothing: Y/Nâs job, Buddyâs quirks, Deanâs favorite pie recipes, and even a few funny stories.
Dean never opened up so easily, but Y/N felt safe. He even felt guilty not telling her his real job.
Eventually, they reached a secluded clearing by a small lake. Buddy, now fully off-duty, sniffed around the grass nearby, keeping a watchful eye on Y/N as always.
Dean stuffed his hands into his pockets, his expression softening as he looked at her. "You know, I gotta admit... I wasnât just making up for petting your dog when I asked you out."
Y/N raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at her lips. "Oh? What was it, then?"
Dean hesitated for half a second, his usual bravado faltering. "I donât know. Thereâs something about you. Youâre tough, smart, funny..."
Y/N laughed, her cheeks flushing slightly. "Well, youâre not so bad yourself. Even if you donât always follow the no-petting rule."
Without knowing Y/N and Dean walked up to the old blue house on the corner. The house loomed in the dark, its broken shutters creaking in the cold wind.
"Buddyâs already on edge," Y/N whispered, gripping the dogâs harness. The Retriever growled low in his throat, his fur standing on end.
"Looks like weâre in the right place," he murmured, his hand instinctively hovering over the pistol tucked in the back of his jeans. He gently pulled Y/N behind him, his expression serious. "Let me call Sam. Might as well take a look."
Y/N tilted her head, her brows furrowing. "Take a look? At this time? What are you looking for exactly?"
Dean didnât answer right away, pulling out his phone and texting Sam with quick precision. A low growl from Buddy at her side sent a shiver down Y/Nâs spine, his ears flat against his head as he stared intently at the house.
Minutes later, headlights illuminated the driveway as the Impalaâs familiar sleek silhouette rolled up. Sam hopped out, his tall frame cutting an imposing figure against the twilight.
"Dean, you sure about this?" Sam asked, walking around to the trunk of the Impala.
Dean opened it with a practiced motion, and Y/Nâs jaw dropped. Inside was an arsenal of weapons: guns, knives, vials of strange liquids, and boxes of ammo. Dean grabbed his shotgun, quickly loading it with salt rounds. "Oh yeah, Sammy. This place is humming."
"What the hell is this?" Y/N blurted, gesturing to the weapons.
Dean glanced at her, his face unreadable. "Insurance."
"Insurance?" she echoed, her voice tinged with disbelief.
Sam stepped closer, his voice calm but firm. "Y/N, this is what we do. What you saw or better what Buddy felt was a ghost, somehow every year children disappear, this is how we deal with things like that. But itâs dangerous. You need to stay back."
Dean nodded in agreement, his green eyes serious as he looked at her. "Let us handle this. Buddy too. Keep him close."
The brothers headed toward the house, their weapons drawn. But as they approached the door, Buddy let out a sharp bark and yanked his leash free from Y/Nâs hand.
"Buddy!" Y/N shouted, sprinting after him as the dog bounded up the steps and slipped through the open door.
"Dammit!" Dean cursed, rushing after her. "Y/N, no!"
She didnât hesitate, running after Buddy into the house. The second she crossed the threshold, the heavy wooden door slammed shut behind her with an echoing bang.
"Dean!" Sam shouted, trying to open the locked door.
Dean spun around, his grip tightening on his shotgun. "Y/N, you were supposed to stay outside!"
Y/N ignored him, her eyes scanning the dark, decaying interior. "I wasnât about to leave Buddy in here! Where is he?"
A deep growl echoed through the house, sending a chill down everyoneâs spines. The air grew colder, and the faint smell of rotting wood and sulfur filled Y/Nâs nostrils. Buddy barked from somewhere deeper in the house, his sharp warning cutting through the oppressive silence.
"Stay close," Dean ordered, positioning himself between Y/N and the direction of the sound. "Sam, get her ass out of here!"
"Iâm trying!" Sam called back, his voice muffled. "The doorâs not budging."
Dean fired the first shot, the salt round scattering the shadow momentarily. "Well, this isnât gonna be easy," he muttered. "You think?" Sam retorted.
Dean muttered a curse under his breath. He handed Y/N a flashlight from his jacket pocket. "Hold this. If you see anythingâanything weirdâdonât scream. Just tell me where it is."
Y/N nodded, clutching the flashlight with trembling hands as they moved further into the house. Dean led the way, his shotgun raised, while Buddyâs distant barks drew them closer to the heart of the building.
"Dean," Y/N whispered, her voice trembling. "What is that smell?"
Deanâs jaw clenched. "Something bad. Stay close."
As they rounded a corner, they found Buddy standing in front of a doorway, his teeth bared and his growls low and menacing. Dean raised his shotgun as a shadowy figure flickered into view inside the room.
Dean kicked the door open seeing the bodies piled up. Y/N gasped. "Oh my!"
"Bingo Dean whispered under his breath, he started to salt and burn the corpses."Sam! Get her out of here," Dean said sharply, his voice low. "Now."
Y/N grabbed Buddyâs collar, her fear mounting. "What about you?"
"Iâll handle it," Dean said, his gaze locked on the figure as he loaded another shell. "Just go!"
Sam did everything to get Y/N out of the house while Dean started to burn the old remains he found in
Hours later: very very early morning
The warm glow of the dinerâs neon sign spilled across the parking lot as Y/N slid into the booth opposite Dean and Sam. Buddy lay obediently at her feet, his golden coat reflecting the light from the hanging lamp above them.
The Winchester brothers had earned more than a few curious looks from the other patrons with their slightly singed jackets and dark circles under their eyes, but they didn't seem to noticeâor care.
"Best fries in town," Dean said, sliding a menu across the table to Y/N. "Although, if youâre like me, youâre here for the pie."
Y/N chuckled, scanning the menu. "You were right; I am starving after all that. So⊠is this what you guys do? Travel around, fight ghosts, and eat questionable diner food?"
"Pretty much," Sam replied with a small smile, leaning back in the booth. "Although Deanâs dietary choices arenât exactly⊠standard."
Dean mock-gasped. "Excuse me, my food choices are a finely tuned science. Protein and sugar keep me going during hunts." He paused, his grin softening. "But yeah, huntingâitâs what we do. Saved your life tonight, didnât it?"
Y/N glanced down at Buddy, her hand instinctively reaching to scratch behind his ears. "It did. And Buddy here⊠Heâs smarter than I gave him credit for." She looked up at them, her expression warm. "Honestly, I canât thank you guys enough. If it werenât for you, I donât even want to think about what mightâve happened."
Dean waved a hand, brushing off the gratitude. "Hey, itâs all in a dayâs work. Besides, Buddy deserves most of the credit. Guyâs got instincts."
"He really does," Y/N agreed, her voice tinged with awe. "I thought he was just being stubborn that night, refusing to cross the street, but now Iâm realizing⊠he probably saved me." Her smile faltered slightly as she looked between the two brothers. "I canât imagine how you do this all the time. Doesnât it get⊠exhausting? Scary?"
Sam and Dean exchanged a look, a silent understanding passing between them. Sam was the one who answered. "Itâs not easy. But someone has to do it. Most people wouldnât even believe half the things weâve seen. So, yeah, itâs scary sometimes, but⊠itâs worth it."
Dean leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. "And hey, itâs not all bad. Weâve got stories for days. Like that time a possessed mannequin tried to stab me. Or when Sam got body-snatched by a teenage girl." He grinned mischievously as Sam groaned in protest.
Y/N laughed, the sound light and genuine, cutting through the heaviness of the earlier hunt. "You guys really are something else."
As the evening wore on, the conversation shifted from ghost stories to lighter topics. Y/N told them about Buddyâs training and how sheâd adopted him after he flunked out of guide dog school for being "too easily distracted." Dean snorted at that, muttering, "Sounds like weâve got something in common, pal," earning a bark of approval from Buddy.
When the check finally arrived, Y/N reached for it, but Dean slid it away with a wink. "Hunterâs treat."
"Thanks," Y/N said softly, her eyes lingering on the brothers. "This has been⊠really nice. Weird, but nice."
As they stepped outside into the cool night air, Y/N dug a small notepad from her bag, scribbling her number and handing it to Dean. "If you guys are ever back in town, give me a call. It was really nice meeting you both."
"Likewise," Sam said, his smile sincere.
Dean, however, seemed unusually quiet. He watched as Y/N clipped Buddyâs leash back on and headed toward her car. His gaze lingered as she opened the door, Buddy hopping inside.
Sam smirked, his arms crossed. "So⊠Iâm starting to guess it wasnât the dog that had your attention this time."
Dean snapped out of his daze, turning to his brother with an indignant look. "Huh? Whatâre you talking about?"
Sam raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying himself. "Oh, come on. You were practically drooling."
Dean scoffed, but the faintest hint of a blush crept up his neck. "I was not. I was just⊠impressed, thatâs all. Sheâs smart. And brave. And⊠whatever, shut up."
"Uh-huh," Sam said, his grin widening. "Impressed. Sure."
Dean jumped up, rushing out the door "Y/N! Wait up!". She stopped reversing her car. "What's wrong?" Dean leaned on her now open window. Dean seemingly nervous. "I figured maybe we could start over. No ghosts. No hunts. Just⊠us."
"Iâd like that," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Deanâs smile widened, but it faded slightly as he glanced down at her lips, his expression turning serious. "Can I kiss you? Or is that off-limits too?"
Y/N laughed softly, shaking her head. "Youâre in the clear this time."
Dean didnât need any more encouragement. He leaned in, his hand brushing lightly against her cheek as their lips met. The kiss was warm and gentle, filled with a tenderness Y/N hadnât expected but welcomed all the same.
"Call me?" he asked like a shy little schoolboy. Y/N Smirked only if you promise our date walks won't end in horror movies anymore?"
âDeal!â and with that he leaned back for another breathtaking kiss. Much to Buddy's disapproval
WOOF
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Sorry to interrupt your writing or break, but I was wondering how do you write the whole "you do this," or "you see that" etc etc
Without it just being bland? I ask because you make it seem like we/the reader are really seeing or feeling it. But how do you do it without overusing you, your, etc? I hope this question makes sense, I wanted to know if you had like a rule of thumb you went by for it? Or practice/warmup for it? No problem if you can't answer
No worries, dear, you're good! Just the reaction asks are on pause for now, other questions are still good.
I'm honestly not sure how to exactly answer your question, because I don't know if I do anything special - at least consciously. Some of that may be more on the reader, like the "yous" and "your" kinda fade in the background. Your brain reads them but doesn't super focus on them, so they just blend in.
I read in a book about editing that when writing dialogue, it's often better to just say "they said," "they asked," or "they yelled" instead of stinging out the action for speech, which actually brings too much attention to the cue itself. The author explained that the mind just sort of glazes over those things, so the conversation feels more seamless. I try to do that, especially since there is lots of dialogue to go through. Maybe it's sort of like that?
The only thing I really try to keep in mind is imagining it frame by frame. Like, if I were the MC right now, what could I do or say, and what is a logical flow given the circumstances? I really like a "logical" feel to what's happening, and I want you as the reader to feel like you're really behind the MC's eyes.
I also prefer action to description, which probably keeps a reader in the flow of things. I am still trying to find a balance here since some things really do need to be fleshed out.
I also don't really do much practice or warm up, but I still try to write other things when I just need to set GC down for a bit. And I try to read a lot too when I'm a bit burnt out on writing, helps reset the old noggin.
I am probably not the best at analyzing my own writing and process, but that's all that comes to mind about that in particular. It's an excellent question though, and I'm happy that you feel that way about how I write. I'll have to think more consciously about it as I continue. ^_^
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â clive barker, the hellbound heart
#i was reading this book then i went like PAUSE-#it's literally them...#the frustration in cesare's face though...#and like françois said-that embrace was supposed to help cesare to let juan go in a way#cesare awash in a mix of motivations to kill juan...pity anger resentment and ultimately jealousy#he buries his dagger deep into juan's abdomen again and again#oh doomed siblings....#juan borgia#cesare borgia#the borgias#clive barker#the hellbound heart#literature#historical fiction#juan and cesare#text post
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I love thriftbooks so much. My gf and I finally got a new bookshelf for our bedroom and there's a lot of extra space on it so I decided to try and fill in the gaps in my collection of warrior cats books from my childhood. I needed 8 books in total and I just found ALL of them in "very good" condition for a total of only $35 (with free shipping!)
#if you dont care whether your books are pre-owned they are SO good. everything is so affordable#sometimes you can even get 'like new' condition where its been read before but you cant even tell#or even brand new ones that have never even been read once#personally i like the 'very good' condition for most of my books#like if im buying a copy of a book i read as a kid for example then like i want it to match the other books i have from my childhood#also the reason i dont have these specific warrior cats books in the first place is bc i borrowed them from the library#so it kinda feels right to buy them pre-owned now#also sometimes it gives me this really cool feeling of like being connected to someone ive never met#like i got my books about judaism from thriftbooks and one of them in particular was in 'good' condition#(which allows for minimal writing on the pages)#and theres multiple places throughout the book where the previous owner underlined certain lines in pencil#and its just really cool to me to see what lines the previous person who read this book thought were important#it makes me pause and consider those lines to figure out if theyre important to me too#im also looking into getting more copies of the locked tomb series (specifically i want a hardcover and paperback of each book)#but i wanted them new so i originally went to b&n bc i know its rare for thriftbooks to have books in 'new' condition#even with b&n having a sale tho they we SO expensive#just buying gtn in hardback was gonna cost almost as much as i paid thriftbooks for all of my warrior cats books combined#so i went to check if thriftbooks happened to have any 'new' condition copies of them and they do!!#they have 'new' copies of each of the books in the format i want them in! shouldve checked there first lol#rambling
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youtube
Zero Day Director commentary - With actor Andre Keuck
#movies#film#cinema#Damn I wish Cal was here#Andre and Ben are really interesting to listen to#This movie is one of those movies where it needs like 3 commentaries#It needs one with just Ben Coccio by himself#then one with Cal and Andre by themselves#then another with all 3 of them#Not all movies do that but I love when studios/filmmakers have multiple commentaries to create a sense of thorough intimacy#due to the nature of how commentaries are set up they can be quite restrictive/pressing/limited with no pauses or rewinds.#so I find cast/crew don't have enough time or able to present how they would like to if they could edit/rewind or pause for fluent presenta#So I love when they have director commentaries and actor commentaries or composer commentaries#Platoon's dvd extras are so dope they got multiple commentaries and one with military adviser Dale Dye who was a RL vietnam vet#Or Hostel's commentaries where one is just Eli Roth and another is Tarantino and Eli Roth with Scott Spiegal#idk if Zero Day ever got a blu-ray release but I think it should but the DV technology of the camera is kinda at it's limit of resolution#but an AI upscaling with 20 years later retrospective with Ben Cal and Andre would be sooo dope along with updated commentaries#Every few years I always rewatch Zero Day so that time has come that last few days lol#Ever since Columbine as a lil kid I have always been into spree-murders and active shooter incidents#I remember reading a peer-reviewed paper called Pseudo-Commandos#And Eric and Dylan and Andre and Cal would be dubbed Pseudo-Commandos where they dress up in a semi-military fashion#and have a delusion of superiority mixed with perceived sense of persecution whether it's true or not#it went into the Postal shooter from the 80s as well and what he went through along#plus I read another book called Going Postal which also went into postal shootings along with school shootings#I want to make a film about spree murders or an active shooter/s but I remember just getting so tired of the subject matter#because every 3 weeks there was some new shooter in the headlines and I found myself not wanting to be exploitative#When I write/direct my film I'd like it to address and study the character of such an individual but not try to be too political#or exploitative and focus on the ambiguities that are left behind when someone does this#as a society I noticed we stopped asking the questions on why and stopped having constructive conversations#it feels like as a coping mechanism we've started treating them like tornados or natural disasters
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.
#tag talk#an hour into space odyssey and it finally gets good cause they introduce Hal#ten minutes after the person I was watching with gave up and went to bed.#Kubrick please this first hour was fucking boring as hell#I heard so much about how the cut between the apes to modern times is so good but genuinely I paused it and rewound five times while laughin#like... this? this is the scene transition I've heard people fan over?#anyway. I muted the movie audio and put Nyan cat and ancient aliens and stayin alive over different scenes and it was great#gonna hang on to the rest of the movie because Hal just murdered someone so maybe it's good enough to watch with someone#ngl this is why I sometimes prefer watching movies alone. I can watch a bad movie with no fear of what my companion thinks#I don't have to hold room for âoh no what if they're not enjoying it? what if they wish we were watching something elseâ#it always comes down to that damn social anxiety doesn't it#like. I'm not interested in watching cats 2019 really. though I've gotten part way through it with various people#but I genuinely think I could watch the whole thing if I were alone. I don't care enough to. but I think I could#because watching the cats movie with someone sparks that secondhand embarrassment and cringe#anyway go watch that contrapoints video on cringe and shame and social behavior policing it's pretty good#all this to say. 2001 a space odyssey is very very boring#like. it's slow but not in the way Jaws is slow. that one actually succeeds with the anticipation and suspense. space odyssey doesn't#maybe it's partly because I've read the book? (Arthur C Clarke sci-fi is mid that's my hot take) but I don't feel like that's it#there's just no suspense where there obviously is supposed to be. the grand symphonic music in the background feels paper thin veneer#it's a grandiose front to a hollow scene.#also the flight stewardesses supposed to be walking in zero g with velcro shoes are doing such a bad job of it.#literally the first scene we see the shoes they zoom in and we explicitly see her rebalance catch her weight#CATCH HER WEIGHT - IN ZERO GRAVITY?????#anyway. I'm mad about that
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i still don't get ciri's dad secretly being the main villain. or the main villain being secretly ciri's dad. it seems like it should be common knowledge that the king of nilfguard was married to a princess of cintra? i think i'm missing wayyy too much background info for this to make sense
#obviously i should just read the books#i also don't really understand anyone's motivation#ciri just said she wanted to unite elves and humans and then she went on to help massacre elves? like girl that does not help your cause#also isn't her dad also kinda uniting elves and humans? so why is he the bad guy then?#i also forgot basically everything that happened in the first two seasons so maybe that's also a problem#and this first ep was boring enough that i paused it a few times to scroll around on my phone so đ€·#the witcher#the witcher spoilers
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Sometimes I genuinely can't tell if a piece of media is good or not. I just watch the movie/TV show or read the book/comic and think 'oh wow I sure read/watched that' but 0 of the plot/information stuck and I feel like I've wasted 2+ hours of my life every time
#even with stuff i genuinely enjoy and its so frustrating!!#do you know how many times ive watched the daredevil show? at least a dozen. couldnt tell you 90% of what happens though#reading comics is so hard bc ill read teo or three in a sitting but when i come back later its like i never read them and im so fucking lost#this is why i only read books i can finish in one sitting. i cant pause and go back to reading unless i wanna restsrt the whole damn thing#dont do drugs#seriously my memory has always been shit bc adhd but after i started doing the bad shit it went way downhill and now nothing is easy anymore#even tho im over 6 months sober my brain still feels completely fried 24/7
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matters of the heart â Nanami K.
summary: finding out your ex-boyfriend wrote a novel detailing your relationship isnât how you expected this week to go and to make matters worse everyone on the internet now thinks your âcharacterâ is a total bitch. you decide to pay your ex a visit, but can you do that without succumbing to your natural urges? well, no!
tags: 18+(MDNI/blank blogs) slight porn with plot, oral (f! receiving), brief nipple sucking, daddy kink, creampie, i guess nanami is a bit toxic in this lol, nanami might also be a bit ooc in here
to the moaners: has this been sitting in the draft for about 3-4 months? yes! but happy birthday month, kento đ. artwork by @/_3aem (twt); @ryomens-vixen (this was the fic I mentioned a while back) word count: 5.6k (yuck), I don't really like this
Iâm going to kill him, that was the only thing on your mind once you closed out of the novel. Normally, your weekends were spent relaxing with a fruity bubble-gum colored cocktail but today was different. Shoko called your phone at exactly 9:26 am claiming it was time she divulged some news to you. At exactly 9: 28am, she sent you an online copy of a book titled, âMatters of the Heartâ and told you it was nothing but a two or three hour read and then to call once you finished.Â
The book had a slow start and it seemed pretty average, just any old love story. Lately, anything was getting published and it seemed that was the case here â wait, you paused your reading and sat up straight. No. Just no. Something just clicked for you which led you to completely start over from page one.Â
The moment you finished, at exactly 1:01 pm, you grabbed a salmon colored low cut shirt and light washed jeans, slipped on your white shoes and hurried to get into your car. You didnât need to call her phone because you were going to talk to her face to face; this situation warranted a real conversation. It was nothing but a 17 minute drive to Shokoâs house, so when you arrived at exactly 1:18 pm, her door was already open. âTheyâre bashing me, Shoko. Fucking bashing! How could he do this to me?â Were the first words that flew out of your mouth, holding your phone close to her face so that she could see the reviews.Â
âWell, itâs not like anyone would know itâs you.â She yawned, handing you a cup of water â probably because of how crazy you looked â before she ushered you to a seat on the couch. A golden brown blanket was lazily thrown on the seat, which she hurried to move. You sat down and faced her with a look of what Shoko could only describe as pure sadness. She had seen you like this many times before, all because of one person.Â
âYou did.â You sniffled with an eye roll, you couldnât help but feel uncertain. Reading this book only brought back more uncomfortable feelings towards the breakup and him. You thought that you were over him and the memories that the book produced made you question everything. One question remained which is: Why?
She giggled drily. âHey, I read all his works. Pseudonym or not. He canât hide from me. Plus, I know you both and everything that went on. I was there too, remember?â She mumbled the last part. âMaybe this was his way of coping?â
âItâs been years⊠and I heard heâs announced a sequel. Shoko, a SEQUEL! Itâll be released later this year.â You spoke in a shaking watery voice while she rubbed your back in an attempt of comfort. Your mind could only think of what the reactions would be to your character in the sequel⊠insecurities that you never knew were there flooded your mind.
âThere was enough material for a sequel? I thought he covered everythingâŠâ Shoko rubbed her chin and looked deep in thought. You just stared at her, she couldnât be serious. âSorry, ignore me.â She shook her head ignoring your stare.
âDo I even confront him over this? A-and how would that make me look, like I still check on him right? Iâll look crazy and bitter⊠which apparently I am. Oh and Iâm bitchy and a âtotal cuntâ as theyâre putting online.â He didnât know just how much you changed, he missed your growth. Rubbing your eyes, you ask:âWhy did you tell me about this? What made you take so long⊠I just donât understand.â
âWell, at first⊠I didnât think youâd care.â Moving a strand of her nut-brown hair out of her face, she continued. âThen about a month ago, I decided it was right to tell you, just in case someone else pieced it together.â
âGojo read it then, huh?â You mentally cringed at the thought. It was the only person you could think of whoâd be so crude about it. He knew how damaging the breakup was for you but not as bad as Shoko knows. Now, youâre just grateful that she told you before he did.
âYep, so I figured that I had to tell you before he did.â She clicked her tongue. âBut letâs just calm down before you make any rash decisions on how to handle this.âÂ
âHe wrote a fucking duality series about me, our relationship, our sex life and you want me to calm down? Are you listening to yourself? This is a serious matter. I am being called a bitch, a slut and more on Goodreads and multiple websites, reviews, etc. and he didnât even have the audacity to give me a heads up. You had to call me.â You let out an unladylike snort.âWhy couldnât he stick to his mystery novels? Wasnât he doing good at those?â
âWriter's block.â Shoko said in a singsong-like voice. âHe hadnât written a mystery book since you two broke up and then⊠he alerted his supporters he wanted to switch things up and then⊠that was that. Ladies loved it, a big hit. By the way, if you two were really fucking like that I need to seââ
âShoko, now is not the time!â Your face felt hot all over, your mind racing. âI just canât believe this.â You wrapped your arms around your body and squeezed, giving yourself one big squeeze. It was hard not to cry but you could feel it all in your throat.Â
âIâm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I donât think his intentions were to make you feel bad.â She hugged you to her chest, pressing a small kiss to the crown of your head. âI think he still loves you. I mean, isnât this book proof? After all these years, he wrote about you.âÂ
âIâm sure he moved on by now.â You whispered, your eyes growing tired already and the day had barely started. âI just need to lay down. I need to rest.â Your mind seemed to finally grow calm and your breathing steady, a small hiccup now in your throat but with a gulp of water, you were better.
âJust stay here. I donât trust you to be alone right now.â Shokoâs voice drowned out as sleep overtook you, you could only feel her warmth as she held you and honestly it was all you needed at this moment, Shoko always made you feel safe and you couldnât thank her more than enough for that right now as you slept.
You were a light sleeper, it was always something that Nanami pointed out about you. He always said how he felt like he couldnât leave the room while you slept even if it was to use the bathroom afraid to wake you. He knew how important sleep was to you and heâd risk having a bladder infection if you got all 8 hours that you required. Nanami was sweet and caring like that.Â
You didnât think youâd break up with him ever. He was the one for you and he always made that clear. He pampered you and even after the breakup â though you didnât need it â he left you with a check for five thousand dollars, saying it was for his half of the lease for the next few months.Â
The breakup was brutal for you. You almost quit working entirely. Shoko was the only person youâd confined into and the only friend you left to check in on you especially when you didnât want to leave the house. She brought you groceries and helped you shower until you finally were able to get up again.
Though it was hard to believe, it was Nanami who broke up with you. You thought it was a joke, a cliche little joke.Â
âBaby, Iâm not joking.â His voice was quiet and husky, he spoke as if he was going to cry. âI just need some time to myself. I need to figure out if this is what I want. You donât have to wait for me, you just keep on living your life and being happy. But⊠I think itâs time we let this go.âÂ
You didnât cry in front of him. You didnât cry when he packed his things up. You certainly didnât cry when he shut the door, leaving his key on the table because you knew he was joking. He had to be. But when you called him and his number was disconnected and you were blocked on any form of social media⊠that was when you broke down and cried.Â
It happened out of nowhere. You overanalyzed every aspect of your relationship for where you went wrong. You wrote down every conversation you could remember and dissected it word by word. You watched every video and picture you had of the two of you looking for a bit of regret or anything on his face. You read every text message, looking for malice. He said he needed time to figure out if he wanted this but he always made it clear that he did and even that he was looking forward to having kids together, you two had even gone ring shopping months ago.Â
You didnât sleep and when you did, it was only for 4 hours and sometimes barely that. Your heart had an ache in it and the tears wouldnât stop. You could only think why wasnât I enough?
When you opened your eyes Shoko was still holding you and a small smile grew on your lips. âThank you Shoko.â You knew if you could count on anyone, it was always going to be her. She was the one who pieced you back together and made sure that life didnât destroy you and you couldnât help but to be grateful.Â
âOf course. âM going to let you spend the night here, okay? Letâs get some takeout and watch your favorite movies, howâs that sound?â She knew the way to your aching heart like the back of her hand.Â
âIt sounds amazing!â You stretched your arms out wide, leaning off of her and sitting up. âShould we start with Uptown Girls or Legally Blonde?âÂ
It took two days before you confronted him. Shoko was adamant about not giving you his address and you were tempted to get it from her phone. But luckily, you wore her down, she was probably tired of you bringing him or his book in every conversation. So now you stood there, nerves washing over you in waves.
The mahogany colored door stared at you â mocked you â and you returned the glare before you knocked on it, hard. This was just a door and you were angry at the person behind said door, not the door itself.Â
It was almost like he was waiting on you because the door unlocked and opened. He even stepped aside to let you in, quiet. His straw-colored hair was parted differently and he even looked taller or broader â you couldnât completely tell â but he looked different⊠seemed different. The atmosphere around him made your stomach clench and it made you mad; why did it feel like only you suffered from the breakup? Here he was â strong and tall â and you were nothing or rather the same.
âYou wrote a romance erotica novel about our relationship?â It was what you practiced saying before you got out of your car â making sure your voice didnât tremble â this time, it didnât.Â
âWell, hello to you too. Even after three and a half years, you still like to get straight to the point.â He grinned, putting a hand on your back to guide you to a seat on his couch. âI must ask, what makes you think itâs about you?â He does a slight laugh and raises his brow.
âWe have the same initials, almost the same name. Are you kidding me?â You retort, folding your arms across your chest. You tried to ignore the fuzzy feeling in your chest that occurred when you heard his voice after so long, hearing him and seeing that damned smile⊠your nose scrunched up.
âSorry, I just didnât know you kept up with me⊠with my booksâŠâ He muttered, glancing your way, a demure look in his amber eyes. âShould I be flattered?â Almost in an instant, he turned on a slight cockiness to himself, though his body language showed his nervousness â his thigh bouncing a bit and his fingers tapping on the couch handle. A light sense of relief filled your system knowing that you werenât the only one being affected by this.
âI donât.â You inhaled deeply. âShoko told me about it and then, I checked it out.â Fiddling with your fingers and even picking at your nails, that was your tell all sign of nervousness and right now you were engaging in it more than ever before.Â
âI wanted to tell you or rather, to ask you. I know you got the voicemails I sent last yearâŠand then you kept dodging my calls.â He tells you, you could feel his eyes on you â or more so your fingers⊠the nasty habit that he had finally got you to stop all those years ago rushing right back in an instant.
âWriting a book to trash me and our relationship⊠to make you look like some sort of⊠ugh, like youâre so amazing and Iâm just shit. Yeah, that certainly got my attention.â If you were coming off bitchy or rude right there, you couldnât care less especially when there were worse things that you couldâve said or even couldâve done at this moment. You really wanted to slap him.Â
âIs that all you got out of it?â He asks with his head low, almost as if he was admitting defeat or as if he couldnât believe you came up with something so trivial.Â
âWas there anything else to get?â You counter, shifting your body towards him. Maybe it was best that you sat down and actually listened to the author and his interpretations of his work.
âHow about that I love you regardless of any flaws⊠how about I find your stubbornness and attitude sexy and how I knew this breakup would be good for you. I was holding you back. I mean, I heard you got promoted 3 times since we broke up⊠I just felt like I was changing you, hindering your growth. I needed to reflect on myself and this book helped that.â He tapped his fingers against his thigh, yet another sign of his anxiousness. âBelieve it or not, I still care about you. No matter what happened between us.â
âWhat happened? You mean when you decided to just leave? You could've told me everything you just told me and I wouldâve understood better. We couldâve talked and came to a compromise. You donât understand what you put me through after it.â You were close to tears but you straighten your posture and sniffled, it was best not to think about what happened before. âI just needed a bit of closure too, I guess thatâs why I came. I just was caught off guard. You couldâve knocked on my door or something, forced me to answer⊠forced me to talk.â
He met your eye for the first time since you came over. âYou wouldnât have listened,â He huffs. âDidnât I mention how stubborn you are? Plus, I meant what I said. I needed time to myself and I think we both did.â
âI guessâŠBut Nanami, this book was too much. A letter wouldâve been fine if you needed closure, donât you think?â You see his lips quirk up a bit before he licks them, trying not to laugh it seems.
âMy publisher got a hold of some of the documents where I was just going over things, writing here and there. She loved the idea⊠plus Iâm in a contract for six books so I had to put something out soon, it had already been a year.â He told you, sitting his chin on top of his knuckles. âI honestly didn't mean to hurt you. I was writing for fun⊠reminiscing about us and then later down the line, I realized I was writing because I wanted you to read it, I just didnât exactly know how to get you to since you were very adamant on avoiding me, which is understandable. But regardless, I didnât think itâd get on the bestseller list or for the reviews to get so harsh.â He admits, reaching for your hand before his hand froze in midair and he stopped himself, choosing instead to put it behind his head.
âIs there anyway you can stop the sequel from being published then⊠since you got my attention after all this time?â You asked, putting your most dazzling smile on, hoping to sway him.Â
âI can talk to my publisher. Everythingâs in print and materials are already done⊠but Iâll try to see if I can stop production.â His adamâs apple bobbles when he does a harsh swallow. âAre we⊠okay? Do you forgive me?â
The question made you pause. He always made it hard for you to not forgive him; it took one look or a smile and a small explanation and it made it easy to fall in love with him all over again, no matter what he did⊠it seems. But it made you ask yourself: Were you too easy? Did you really forgive him? It was thoughts like that swirling around the corners of your mind. You wanted to forgive him, he was just writing and telling a story⊠but it was your story, not just his. Using this for your attention when he couldâve written about anything else, he didnât have to. Were you just ready to forgive him because you still loved him?Â
You hadnât realized how deep in thought you were until you felt the couch dip and even then, your mind was still spirling.âYou donât have toâŠâ His voice brings you out of your thoughts, his body so close to yours that it was getting hard to breathe. He still smelled the same; citrus and woodsy and it was easy to get yourself sucked back in.Â
âSo you can write another book about my stubbornness?â You give a quiet giggle, scooting a bit away from him, seeing him frown from the corner of your eyes. You didnât want to fall back but he made it all so simple. It was easy and you were already falling back on him and you didnât need that⊠Did you?
âBabyâŠâ Your body buzzed and hummed, turning to him with wide eyes. âIâll do anything I can to make this right. Anything for you to forgive me⊠If they canât stop publication, what can I do to make us right?â He was doing more than a gaze, he was full on staring and from how close he was it was hard to avoid.Â
âNanami Iââ You stopped yourself. You couldnât really think of anything he could do but you could think of several unhealthy things you could do to ruin your progress on going over him. He had betrayed you and made you a laughing stock so why are you stuck thinking about forgiveness when you should be leaving.
âI never stopped loving you.â His fingers traced up and down your pants but his eyes stayed on yours. âI never thought about anyone but you⊠I never slept with anyone⊠itâs always been you. But, I understand what I put you through and Iâll apologize every second until you forgive meâŠâ The blond man who you never saw shed a tear looked more than close to it. âBut just please⊠forgive me.â
âIâm sorry, honest.â He tries again after being met with absolute silence. âJust⊠let me show you, okay?â His breath tickles your face for a second and when you look into his cocoa brown eyes, you feel everything you once felt again.
Memories of good times dulls out the odd feelings in the pit of your stomach â the confusion and pain â instead are replaced with joy. The trip to Malaysia where he rubbed sunscreen on your entire body and laid back to read a book and you watched as his eyes kept drifting to you while you played in the cerulean water; how you kept begging him to come in until he complied and how eventually in the early hours of the morning when you wanted another dip, he fucked you twice â once in the golden lush sand and another in the cool ocean water.Â
His face is in your thighs and you couldnât help but feel better, feeling his breath fanning so close to your pants covered pussy, your body felt scorching hot. Heâs grumbling, âWill you let me make it up to you? Will you let me show you how sorry I am?âÂ
You mustâve nodded because he was already unbuttoning your pants and helping you lay back, pulling your shirt up just a bit to see your perky tits â he mustâve remembered how you never wore bras unless you felt it was necessary, which was mainly work or any important events.Â
He blew a bit on your hardening nipples before he took one into his mouth â playing biting them with a smug look on his face before he began licking around your areolas and kissing around the swells of your breast. He doesnât say anything but he looks deep in thought as he kisses down your body, his fingers scraping down your sides as he works your pants and your panties all the way down. Bringing his head up for a minute, he looks in your face. âI love you.â He says it simply, heavy emotions swirling in his brown eyes.
Removing your pants and underwear completely from your body, he spreads your thighs and looks over your body â a trimmed low pretty bush sits between your thighs and it makes him smile, he always loved seeing the curled hair on your delicate lower lips. He spreads your pussy, watching the skin stretch with a deep smile on his face. You could feel yourself ⊠the wetness leaking down under your body and it made you cringe, but the way he was staring at you made the insecurities vanish. âAll this for me?â He takes a tentative lick before he slurps, clutching your hips. âI know you like to run⊠but I need you to stay put, got it?â It was hard for you to listen to him, your head already fuzzy and the thoughts swirling around were only about him, nothing more.Â
Then your body bucks up, âWaitâ!â A broken moan escapes your mouth when he presses a soft wet kiss to your clit. Nanami had always been gentle and very careful whenever he ate you out; making sure his tongue was wet enough and that he wasnât too rough. His tongue was wide enough to make your back arch, your body leaving the couch when it finally hit your clit and he gave you no time to recover before he peeled back the hood, sitting the tip of his tongue there and rapidly flicked at the bud.Â
Hearing the lewd squelching noises coming from the mixture of your cunt and his mouth made you close your eyes, squeezing them shut tightly. He spits before he licks it up and down your aching slit, nudging his tongue inside only slightly, much to your dismay. Youâre gasping every second when more of his tongue slips in and out of your pussy; sliding a bit more each time and it makes your thighs shake. When he finally slips his entire tongue inside of you, curling it just enough that you can feel it everywhere, your legs attempt to close up around his head. âPleaseâ âm so⊠sooâohâŠâ His fingers join in on the fun and in small sloppy circles he rubs your clit, pressing down on the pearl while his tongue continues flicking inside of you. The split second that you open your eyes, his are already on yours and it was that moment, that made your body tense up and for you to cum.Â
It happens fast, clear sticky wetness leaks out of you and Nanami still tries to get more of it on his tongue, catching anything that drips and sucking on your folds. âAlways so fucking goodâŠâ He mutters, spreading you again and smearing more of your slick on his face by shaking his head between your thighs, so that heâs completely covered in you.Â
When he moves his head, embarrassment comes over you, looking at his wet face⊠even his forehead was wet and you couldnât bring yourself to meet his eyes. âNothing to be embarrassed about, baby but⊠Iâll be right back, stay wet for me.â
Your heart hammers against your chest, lying there on this now wet couch. You didnât come over here for this and yet here you are⊠about to get fucked and really, it was no turning back now. Youâd been on dates with men after Nanami but they never lasted past the second date and you certainly hadnât had sex in a while, but he made you come apart like it was nothing. Â
But then again, Nanami knew your body⊠so of course this was a walk in the park for him. It honestly annoyed you right now, you couldnât even make yourself cum half the time especially these last few years and now, barely an hour here and he has you right where he wanted you⊠bare and practically back in love with him.
Nanami came back with a fresh face and unbuttoned pants that he was currently pulling down. You clenched around nothing, your mind thinking only of the perfect dick that was going to be coming out of those pants. You licked your lips, this would be the first dick you saw in years and it was his.Â
His drooling cock slapped his stomach and you swallowed, your mouth felt unreasonably dry. The length of his cock always impressed you, standing tall at seven and a half inches, he shakes with laughter which snaps you out of your daze. âNow let me look at you.â His whispers and even though he already saw you, both years ago and right now, you canât help but feel hot all over again. Heâs staring â drawing his eyes down every inch of your body â focusing on your breast before getting to the stare of the show yet again. He smirks, laying you back down, pressing his body against yours to kiss you.Â
Your breath was caught in your throat, his tongue still tasted of you and his hands cups your jaw. Heâs gentle, his tongue moving around your mouth messily before he stops, saliva breaking apart when he does so. His fingers make a ghostly featherlight touch on your clit that makes you jump, the head of his cock at your entrance. He holds out his hand, close to your mouth. âSpit.â Gathering up some, you spit in the palm of his hand and stroke it along his length, huffing at the sensation.Â
He pushes in, taking his time to work himself inside of you, a strained expression on his face. Hips pulled back, he focuses more on just the tip of himself fucking you, watching your pussy stretch with just the tiniest bit of resistance. Inching himself inside, you watch his torso flex and he groans, obscene noises plop and plap around the apartment, his heavy cock pushing in and out of you, your toes curling.Â
âPussy still mines, right? Didnât give it away, did you?â Youâre struggling to talk - to fucking breathe - your eyes rolling back and your jaw slacked but you babble out a soft ânoâ which makes him finally thrust in you harder, completely bottoming out. You feel him in your belly, feeling full and embarrassingly wide with him stretching you out, his balls sitting on the crest of your ass before he moves.Â
He moves you a bit, your bodies flush to each other and he moves his hips in harsh circles, his pelvis so close to your clit. His hands on your calves, he pushes your legs so that they rest on his shoulders, your knees touching your ears makes you tighten up and he groans above you.
âNanami I-â You call out, eyes closed with pleasure shaking through your core, wetness slapping between the both of you.Â
âNanami? No, call me what you used to call me.â His hips slowed down, a whine escaping your lips. His cock dragging inside of your walls, pulling out slowly, awaiting your response.Â
âPleaseâŠdonât slow down, Kenââ before the word even left your lips, his hand slapped your cunt, leaving your legs shaking a bit and your eyes snapping open. Drops of tears run down your cheeks and you sniffle, reaching for him⊠you couldnât help but feel so small in his presence.
âSay it.â Then, you knew what he meant. A name that now feels foreign in your brain and even when it leaves your mouth, it comes out in a strange rattled whimper.
âOh, oh⊠daddy, âm sorry. Please, keep fucking me. Itâs so goooood!â Heâs grinning before the words leave your mouth.
âStill my good girl huh? Always so fucking good for daddy.â He licks up your neck and it makes you tremble, your tongue lolling out a bit and he moves to suckle on it. âDid you skip over all those sex scenes or did you rub this pussy out to them?â He asks, his fingers digging in the back of your thighs.Â
You choked out, sobbing, âI did, daddy⊠But I-I donât want to remember everything.âÂ
âYou donât remember all the words I used to describe this cunt? This pretty pussy? That changed his life⊠my life? That made him always crawl back? That made him so fucking hard? The pretty words I used to describe you? To describe how pretty she always looked when he fucked her? How his heart felt like it was going to explode when she looked at him too long because he loved her so damn much?â Heâs groaning in your ear, thrusting into you, his depth reaching your g-spot, your pussy spasming and begging for his cum at every word he uttered.Â
Pumping himself inside, you could see the white creaminess that was on his cock, most likely because of you, he was constantly fucking the cream inside of you, your nails digged into his arms and he moaned at the feeling. Your stomach tightens and you move to push him away, âIâm going to câcum!â You felt him throbbing inside of you, signaling that he was close too. âPlease, cum inside of me⊠I canât take it.â You couldnât stand it any longer, itâs been years and you needed him to fill you up. He stopped for a moment, changing positions so that youâll be sitting on his lap, grabbing your hips and forcibly bouncing you on his dick, dangerously slow.Â
Wetness gushes on him as his tip hits you from a new angle, seeing the outline of him in your tummy, heâs stretching you again with each nasty thrust. Each drag of his cock making you go crazy and the aching between your legs continue, your body shaking and both of you moaning loudly and over each other.Â
Finally, your orgasm rattled and shook your entire body, your pussy sucking him in, milking him for all heâs worth and it makes his body shake and he releases inside of you, trying to stay quiet as his body jerks up, unable to stop himself from fucking you through both of your orgasms.
Itâs quiet for a while, just heavy breathing with you laying on his chest. âI love you tooâŠâ Your voice is scratchy and your face tear stained. He doesnât say anything, his cock still pulsing inside of you.
âI know. I love you too, never stopped.âÂ
âDid you at least read the acknowledgements or did you just dive right in?â
âI never read the acknowledgements for books, thought you wouldâve remembered that.â You watch him get up, walking around the living room, looking for something. You were both still naked and the entire room smelled of sex.Â
âI did remember that and when you barged in my door, I already knew that you still hadnât changed when it came to that. Here, read this part right here.â He brings you over a copy and you run your fingers around the softback cover with a small smile on your face; this silly thing had brought you both back together and right now you could give less than a fuck about those reviews.Â
Feeling the spine of the book, you open it and can practically smell the scent of an unopened new book. Turning the first few pages, you go to the one page acknowledgment and read it aloud: âShe might not read this book. But if she does, by chance. I hope she knows that I still love her.â You wiped your eyes and smiled. âYouâre an asshole, you know?â
He lets out a hearty laugh, âI know baby.â Kissing the top of your head, he gets up and grabs his phone from the kitchen counter and you follow him. âI think I have enough material to write a third book now.â He grabs his phone and starts typing, his eyebrows furrowed as if he was deep in thought. Attempting to grab his phone he chuckles and uses his height to his advantage by standing taller.
Standing on the tips of your toes you snort, âDonât even joke about that!â But a smile takes over your face and he canât help but smile too.Â
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12:45am â gojo satoru ;
âcute earrings, whereâd you get them?â shoko asks.
âhm?â still clinging to sleep, you absentmindedly reach up to caress the metal dangling from your ear. the sharp indents of its gem pricks you back into a memory. âoh, these. i got them from a friend last week.â
âfriend? or do you mean boyfriend?â
shokoâs words are throwaway, her wandering eyes and yawn a clear indication yet your face warms despite yourself. shaking your head furiously, you exclaim, âa friend! just a friend."
shoko hums, shifting her cigarette to the other end of her mouth. her gaze flickers somewhere behind you and you almost look too, when her words pull you back. âcome to think of it, i donât think youâve ever told me what your type was.â
âmy type?â your mind blanks. âiâve probably never told you because iâve never thought about it myself. i mean, being a jujutsu sorcerer and all, romance is kind of off the table.â
shoko keeps looking at you, pressing you without words. you grimace and sigh.
"i mean, i guess, maybe someone good looking? someone whoâs not boring? and now that we're talking about it, someone who is fit and athletic too. they'd have to be smart, but not book-smart, like, street-smart." the more you think of it, the more words seem to spill from your mouth. "and someone who has a good sense of humour, someone who will make me laugh.â
âsomeone good looking, interesting, sporty, smart and funny? thatâs too greedy.â
you giggle. âyouâre right, thereâs no way thereâs anyone that perfect. i guess iâll have to be single forever.â
âyou'll always have me.â shoko says, grinning.
you push her shoulder but donât deny it.
yaga walks into the classroom, cutting your conversation short. you spin around in your seat to face the front, eyes accidentally meeting gojoâs. he turns around too, and you reason that he was probably looking out the window behind you. you see getou snicker and whisper something in his ear, but gojo seemed to be having none of it, blatantly ignoring him.
seeing his face makes you think. didnât gojo kind of match your type? someone attractive, interesting, athletic and maybe not academic smart, but he definitely carried an air of confidence when it came to fighting. and it wasn't a secret that he lightened the air wherever he went, intentionally or not.
with a start, you look back at shoko. âand someone calm. someone with manners.â
âwell-mannered and calm. what insane preferences.â shoko chuckles. âare there any more?"
yaga slams his hand on the table a few times, reluctantly drawing your attention back to the front.
your previous conversation dies and twiddles away into the background, overtaken by droning lectures and predictable missions. by the end of the day, you can't even remember what you had told shoko early that morning.
when you enter the classroom the next day, youâre surprised to find gojo already there, seated at his table. his sunglasses hangs lower on his nose than usual and most curiously of all, a book is held in his hands. youâre not sure if heâs actually reading or not considering that pages were being turned far too quickly for someone reading âordinary objectsâ by amie thomasson.
his eyes flicker to yours as you head in. âgood morning.â
âmorning. whatâs with you?â
gojo clears his throat. âwhat ever do you mean?â
your frown transitions to a grimace. âwhy are you talking like that? did you break something of mine? was it my potted plant, gojo i told you to take good care of it!â
âi am taking care of it! itâs not dead yet!â he exclaims before pausing uncharacteristically. he sits back in his chair and turns back to his book. âi mean, itâs fine.â
âyou sure?â
âi am.â
you narrow your eyes before looking away, dropping into your seat. âit better be. shoko got me that one.â
âspeaking of shoko, is she not coming today?â
âi think she stayed overnight at the morgue.â
âis that so? perhaps i should write notes for her. i wouldnât want her to miss out on class.â
you turn to him horrified. âso you did kill my plant!â
âi said itâs not dead!â gojo bursts. another pause. he clears his throat, adjusting his glasses. âi simply worry for her.â
you stare at him and watch as he fidgets under your gaze. âare you feeling sick? did you eat something wrong?â
âiâm not sick. what part of me looks sick?"
âwell youâre usually not thisâŠâ you watch him as you wrack your brain, trying to find a word to describe this situation. âcâŠâ
gojo leans forward. âyes?â
âcrazy.â
he falls back in his chair, groaning, book forgotten and placed harshly down on the table.
you tilt your head. âwhere's getou, you guys didnât come to class together? donât tell me you fought.â
gojo peers up and frowns. âno, can i not show up to class early just because i feel like it?â
âit would be extremely out of character, yeah.â you rest your chin on your hand as you watch gojo mutter to himself, his jaw jutted out and his nose scrunched.
he was clearly unhappy, it didnât take a scholar to know. it might take a genius to figure out why though.
you had time to kill, might as well take up the challenge. maybe he hadnât had his morning dose of sugar yet, or maybe his favourite anime had delayed itâs upcoming episode. maybe he didn't save properly on the new game he was playing, or maybe he simply didn't sleep well last night. or maybe he had lied to you and he had fought with getou, leading to this strange attitude.
the more you thought about it, the more it made sense. the way he was acting now was like a mockery to getou's usual behaviour.
âare you trying to be like getou?â you try.
gojo whirs around to face you. âwhat?â
âwell, youâre trying to be composed.â he keeps staring at you and you clear your throat. âlike more well-mannered. more calm.â
gojo remains silent but you watch as his jaw drops. you think that he might say something but then his mouth closes, only to open again.
gojo speechless, what a sight. but as good of a sight as it was, you were beginning to feel concerned.
âare you sure youâre alright? what did you eat yesterday?â
he doesnât register your question. âyou think getou is well-mannered?â
âyeah?â
âand calm?â
you nod. âmore than you, at least.â
âdo you think heâs interesting too? sporty? smart? funny?â he pauses. âgood-looking?â
the questions throw you off guard and you sit up. âwhat? where is this coming from?â
âoh my god, you do.â
âno? i mean, i think getouâs great and everythingââ
âyou think getouâs great?â
âdonât you?â
âyou think getouâs hot.â he concludes. âand you think getouâs great.â
"what are you even saying?"
"i don't know. why don't you tell me?"
baffled, you flail for words. âare you jealous of him? that's strange, i didnât think either of you would ever feel jealous of each other.â
gojo grits his teeth and looks away. with a pout, he says, âme neither.â
the door to the classroom is thrown open and getou steps through, rubbing the back of his neck. he yawns on his way to his chair and it wakes him up, looking between you and gojo as you both watch him enter.
âwhat did you guys do?â he asks with a sigh.
ânothing!â
ânothing.â gojo says and glares at him.
getou blinks.
âokay.â he says slowly, sliding out his chair and sitting. âwhat did i do then? why are you both looking at me like that?â
âgojoâs being weird.â you snitch. âare you guys fighting?â
âhow should i know? i thought we were doing okay. gojo, if i did something, use your words and tell me.â
"i'll use my words to tell you to suck my dick instead."
"so i did do something. you're so predictable, gojo."
you snicker as gojo huffs and glances away, looking away out the window behind your head. his train of sight cuts right past you but you canât help but feel slightly flustered as he looks on, almost like he was looking at you, so determined to ignore getouâs pestering.
subconsciously, you drown getou out too, your traitorous mind observing the blue in gojoâs eyes. you had always thought it was just one colour, but looking at it now, it seemed more like a kaleidoscope of blues, the many shades sparkling and dimming as he watched birds flutter outside the window, and you watched their shadows through his eyes.
something shifts, in the air or in the skies you don't know, and gojo meets your eye. startled, you hold the gaze and he holds it too, just long enough for your lungs to run out of air.
you look away hastily and inhale.
gojo glances to the front, oddly fidgety.
getou looks between the two of you. âwhat the fuck was that?â
ânothing.â gojo says.
getou clearly doesn't buy it but though he tries to get an answer out of you, you don't give him one either. cupping your cheeks, your thoughts mirror his question. what was that? it was embarrassing, that's what it was and your realisation is only heightened as a silence fills all four corners of the classroom.
gojo clears his throat. âfor me, i like someone who i'm already comfortable with. someone i already know.â
at his words, you look over at him and find him already staring. he frowns as you don't give him any other reaction.
yaga saves you from addressing his statement, walking into the room as the bell for class rang. "oh? you're all early, even you gojo. where's shoko?"
âsheâs staying at the morgue because of the recent mission.â
âi see.â yaga nods. âthen letâs start.â
your mind fails to work as you turn over gojoâs words, thinking them through. what did they mean? what was he talking about? did this weird confession have something to do with why he was acting so strange?
slowly, you draw connections between your conversation with gojo and the talk you had with shoko yesterday morning. an epiphany shoots through you and you cover your mouth to hide a gasp.
did that mean�
someone he knew? acting strange? getting mad when you said you liked getou?
you watch gojoâs side profile, hoping heâd turn around. if what you thought was right, heâd turn.
seconds tick past. yagaâs voice drawls on and yet gojo doesn't even spare you a glance.
no, maybe you were wrong after all.
just as you were about to face yaga again, gojoâs head shifts and his eye flicks over to yours. they widen when he finds you, and youâre sure youâre in a similar shocked state.
oh my god, you think, eyes darting between him and the other boy in the room.
gojo has a crush on getou.
filler imagine based off of that One scene from the manga: "megane tokidoki yankee kun"
#gojo x you#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#gojo imagine#gojo drabble#getou suguru#ieiri shoko#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#sashisu#sss trio#gojo hcs#gojo fluff
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hello. you left a neon pink post-it with pgs 194-359 due 9/12 in the book, by the way. it is now May 23rd and the library's printer is running out of ink. it jammed and tore my passport application. one of the librarians dutifully blacked out all my information (front and back!) before proceeding to use every unmarred inch as scrap paper.
i think maybe our (plural, inclusive) lives are connected. all of them. i have been thinking a lot about borrowing. about how people move through the world in waves, filling in the same spaces. i have probably stood on the same subway platform as you. we held the same book. all of us stand in the same line at the grocery, at the gas station. how many feet have stood washing dishes in my kitchen?
i hope you are doing well. the pen you used was a nice red, maybe a glitter pen? you have loopy, curling handwriting. i sometimes wonder if it is true that you can tell a personality by the shape of our letters. i'm borrowing my brother's car. he's got scrangly engineer handwriting (you know the one). it's a yellow-orange ford mustang boss. when i got out of the building, some kids were posing with it for a selfie. i felt a little bird grow in me and had to pause and pretend to be busy with my phone to give them more time for their laughing.
i have a habit of asking people what's the last good book you read? the librarian's handwriting on the back of my smeared-and-chewed passport application says the glass house in small undercase. i usually go for fantasy/sci fi, but she was glowing when she suggested it. i found your post-it on page 26, so i really hope you didn't have to read up to 359 in that particular book. i hope you're like me and just have a weird "random piece of trash" "bookmark" that somehow makes it through like, 58 books.
i wish the concept of soul mates was bigger. i wish it was about how my soul and your soul are reading the same work. how i actually put down that book at the same time you did - page 26 was like, all exposition. i wish we were soul mates with every person on the same train. how magical to exist and borrow the same space together. i like the idea that somewhere, someone is using the shirts i donated. i like the idea that every time i see a nice view and say oh gosh look at the view, you (plural, inclusive) said that too.
the kids hollered when i beeped the car. oh dude you set off the alarm, oh shit is she - dude that's her car!! one was extremely polite. "i like your car, Miss. i'm sorry we touched it." i said i wasn't busy, finish up the pictures. i folded your post-it into a paper crane while i waited. i thought about how my brother's a kind person but his handwriting looks angry. i thought about how for an entire year i drove someone to work every day - and i didn't even think to ask for gas money. my handwriting is straight capital letters.
i thought about how i can make a paper crane because i was taught by someone who was taught by someone else.
the kids asked me to rev the engine and you know i did. the way they reacted? you would have thought i brought the sun from the sky and poured it into a waterglass. i went home smiling about it. i later gave your post it-turned-bird to a tiny child on the bus. she put it in her mouth immediately.
how easy, standing in your shadow, casting my own. how our hands pass over each other in the same minor folds. i wonder how many of the same books you and i have read. i wonder how many people have the same favorite six songs or have been in the same restaurant or have attended the same movie premier. the other day i mentioned the Book Mill from a small town in western massachusetts - a lot of people knew of it. i wonder if i've ever passed you - and didn't even notice it.
i hope whatever i leave behind makes you happy. i hope my hands only leave gentle prints. i hope you and i get the same feeling when the sun comes out. soulmates across all of it.
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Something you paid for
Fernando Alonso x Reader
Summary: Two years into the best relationship of your life, you find out that Fernando thinks you don't love him. But it get worse and you realize the whole world think of you as gold digger.
Word count: 5.7k
Tags: female!reader, established relationship, slut shaming, reader is confused, fernando is even more confused, miscommunication, cursing, a bit angsty, hurt/comfort, soft smut (almost not there), happy ending, not beta read
Relationship: Fernando Alonso x Reader
Note: I'm honestly not 100% sure about this story, a had another ending planned but I wanted it to be HEA. I don't know. :(
I'm sorry if it's rushed or full of mistakes. Feedback and opinions are appreciated xx
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It was supposed to be just a pause in your studies. Something quick since your brain was already mushy from studying and writing your research for too long.
So when you picked up your phone, to aimlessly scroll through social media, you didnât expect to see a new, sudden rush of comments on your instagram page. There were thousands of comments in your last post, calling you a gold digger, and much, much worse. Ever since you started dating Fernando, you had been getting these comments, and in the beginning they were worse but slowed down with time. Now they were on a new high again. Confused more than anything, you went on to try and find out what happened for this to happen all of a sudden. You and Fernando hadnât gone out together for more than two weeks and you hadnât been to a race week for a month.
After digging you eventually found out what happened. Deuxmoi posted something that made everyone quickly think it was you.
A lady whoâs 12 years younger than her famous Spanish Formula One driver boyfriend, is known for being with him for his money. Many tried to warn him, but it seems like he doesnât believe or doesnât care.
Confused, you stared at the post, scrolling through hundreds of nasty, poisonous comments. That wasnât true. Fernando did give you lots of presents and spoiled you a lot but he did this out of his own want, not because you asked for or demanded it. He was constantly giving you things, especially clothes, shoes and bags, and loved seeing you wearing them. He also gave you an Aston Martin car on your last birthday. He even went as far as getting you a credit card attached to his, for whenever you needed to buy books or go on a shopping spree. You never minded it because you knew he liked it, instead of refusing you were just grateful for his generosity.
You wondered if you should talk about it with him, but deep down you knew Fernando was never one to care for gossip of any kind. And this probably wasnât even true to begin with, just someone trying to stir the pot. So you just limited the comments in your posts and went on about your day.
A week later you went to the race, it was Silverstone, and the last before summer break. You decided to dress your best, wearing clothes that were pretty and elegant and had been given to you by Fernando.
He always treated you like a princess, he was kind and patient, and always found a way to align your schedules to spend time together. He liked taking you on trips during summer break and to ski trips during winter break. Fernando adored having you around in race weeks, you could see in his face that he was radiant with your presence. And you loved all the gifts and the trips but you especially loved staying home with him, lazing around, making love on the sofa and taking walks hand in hand in his hometown. You loved helping him cook, trying your best to follow his orders and not mess up his recipes.Â
You walked into the paddock hand in hand, and you kept him company whenever you could. He would keep you around the most, only letting you go when he had meetings or media duties. During that time, you would go back to his room and do a little more of your research, writing your thesis.
You left his room so you could grab a snack and a coffee at the hospitality, but as you passed by a hallway, you heard someone saying your name in conversation. You stopped, leaning against the wall to hear, with a glance, you saw two mechanics talking.
âSeems like everyone tried to warn him, man. But itâs like he doesnât mind dating a gold digger.â
âIs she a gold digger, really?â
âMan, she doesnât do anything! She doesn't even work.â
âHas anyone warned Fernando?â
âEveryone.â
You went back inside his driverâs room, sitting down, completely shocked. So thatâs what people thought of you? You knew people on the internet talked about it, but they were strangers so you wouldnât allow yourself to mind because those people didnât know you. But the people in the garage? Theyâve known you for almost two years now, you were always kind and polite to them, even going as far as bringing them cookies and donuts as thank you for welcoming you so well.
You avoided crying, it would ruin your makeup, and Fernando would notice it very quickly. So you just sat there, numb. Thinking about how everyone believed you were with Fernando because of his money and nothing else.
When Fernando found you again, before he had to go get ready for the race, he noticed you were a little down.
âYou should not study so hard on the weekends, princesa.â He muttered, hugging you from behind and leaving a gentle kiss to your neck. Of course, he would think you were just tired.
âYou are absolutely right, mi amor,â you smiled a little, turning around so you could hug him properly, âdo you have time for a little kiss?â
âEven two,â he joked.
You ended up sitting on his lap, making out like two teenagers, until someone knocked on the door, calling Fernando to go get ready.
âHey, good luck, yeah?â You said, kissing him one more time then kissing the back of his hand, âI love you.â
You watched the race from the garage, feeling self conscious now that it seemed like everyone thought you were leeching off of Fernando.
In the end, Fernando got P3 which was a great result and you celebrated wildly, proudly watching him get on the podium.
After his post race meetings, you met him in his room.
âLetâs go out to celebrate! Dinner is on me!â You hugged him, mood better now than before.
You and him ended up going out for dinner, at a high end restaurant, dressed to the nines. It was fun, you listened to Fernando talking about the race, then he asked you what you thought about the race.
Before dessert, you went into the bathroom to retouch your makeup and freshen up. When you came back, your tiramisu was already there. You and Fernando shared the dessert, laughing to each other.
When the waitress came, you picked the opportunity.
âDear, can we get the tab please?â
âItâs already taken care of, Madam.â
Your smile faltered, and you looked at Fernando as she left. He was smiling like he couldnât hold it in.
âFernando! I said dinner was on me!â
âWhy would I let you pay, princesa?â
âBecause you got a podium today! As a celebration!â You whined, upset. Fernando pulled your chair, until you were right beside him and he kissed your cheek.
âI like paying for you, Hermosa,â Fernando stood up, offering you a hand, âcome on, you can treat me right in our hotel room, what about that?â
You smiled as he pulled you away, but something still nagged at your brain.
You and Fernando took the private plane back to Madrid after the date, because he had sponsor meetings over the week, and you honestly wanted to sleep in your bed. The trip was quick, and while Fernando took a nap, you tried studying, but your mind kept going back to being called a gold digger.
Deep down, you really wanted to talk to Fernando about it, but you were unsure if he could fix this in any way. What could he do? Make a post on instagram saying hey, my girlfriend isnât leeching off of me as most you think!? You did live with Fernando, for six months now, and he paid all the bills and the house was his. But he also gave you many many gifts.
When you got home, putting your bags inside the closet, you two just changed into sleepwear, ready to doze off.
Then Fernando opened his bag and grabbed a small box.
âOh, I had forgotten! Got you a present last week in Austria!â
He handed you the box, and with your heart beating fast, you opened it to a beautiful vintage watch. It was gold, delicate with a beautiful bracelet. There was a lump in your throat as you stared at the piece.
âYou didnât like it? Itâs ok, princesa, Iâll get you another one,â he said, with a gentle smile.
âI donât need another watch, Nando. You gave me this one not even a month ago,â you raised your wrist, showing him the brand new one he gave you.
âI want to give it to you. It doesnât matter,â he shrugged.
âAnd I donât want it,â god, you didnât want to sound so ungrateful, but how could you tell him that his presents felt like something else now? âYou have to stop giving me so many presents,â you said, trying to put into words what you were feeling.
âBut thatâs how I won you over, why would you refuse my presents now?â
Something about the nonchalance in his voice made you stop, stomach dropping. Thatâs how I won you over? Thatâs how he believed your relationship came to be? Thatâs why he thought you were together?
âWhat did you say?â You paused, suddenly turning to him, it felt like a punch to the throat, âYou- you believe Iâm a gold digger? You believe it?â
Fernando walked up to you, putting both hands on your waist, a soft smile gracing his face.
âAmor, you know I donât mind spending my money on you. Quite the opposite, I love to spoil you.â
You stood there, speechless for a couple of seconds. Then you snapped out of it, pushing his hands off you.
âThatâs not what I asked!â Your voice sounded louder, you tried to regain your composure, âpeople talk a lot, the press too, but you know the truth, right?!â
âIâm a rich man, I like providing you with the luxurious lifestyle you lead. I donât care that you enjoy my money.â
His words made it so much worse. It made you nauseous, the idea that all this time, heâs been thinking of you as a gold digger, as someone whoâs only with him for his money and for what he could provide for you.
âNo, Fernando- no!â Your voice wavered, âthatâs not true! I love you, you know that right?â
âWhy are you so caught up in some silly rumor?
âYou know right? You know I love you.â You pressed further waiting for an answer. Hoping against hope that he knew it deep down, that he could acknowledge that you harbored love for him.
âAmor, we have such a great dynamic like this. I donât need your love, just your loyalty and for you to be my pretty girl.â
He was so calm and reassuring, like he had made peace with the fact that you didnât love him. Like he wasnât bothered at all by the fact that you were supposedly a gold digger. His dismissal broke something inside you.
âSo you donât- you donât believe I love you?â
You felt pathetic and helpless, repeating the same words again and again, hoping and praying for a different answer from Fernando.
âCome on, Iâm really tired, can we go to sleep?
âFernando.â
âIâm going to wait for you in bed,â was all he said, dismissing you completely.
You walked out of the room at the same time he went into the bathroom, you held your head up until you softly closed the door behind you, then finally the tears spilled. You went to the bathroom downstairs, the farthest you could go away from him as the sobs broke from your throat violently.
Sliding down on the floor you wondered if everything was lie. You knew it wasnât but the fact that he thought you were only there for the money was completely wrong. How long had he been thinking that? How many times had he heard you say âI love youâ and thought it wasnât true? You didnât even know what to do or what to feel. How could you feel if this whole time while you were pouring your heart into this relationship he thought you were just leeching off of him? How can you love someone so deeply and still live with the fact they think of you as a freeloader? Did he joke with his friends like yeah, sheâs a gold digger but at least sheâs loyal and fucks me well?Â
Your chest hurt and you felt repulsive, making your way to the living room, opening a bottle of his whiskey, not bothering with a glass, just sipping it straight from the bottle.
What could you do now? Talk to him? Tell him youâre not with him for his money? After two whole years accepting his every gift with open arms? After getting a fortune worth of presents? After letting him pay for your books, textbooks, new laptop? After letting him pay for dates, trips, clothes, accessories, shoes and jewelry?
You hated yourself for it now. For taking it just because you thought it was his love language, not because deep down he was trying to keep you, buying your affection.
After spending the whole night awake, nursing a bottle and with only your repulsive thoughts as company, you watched as the sun rose from the big living room window.
It was time to fix it.
Fernando was an early riser almost every morning, so after the sun fully rose in the sky, you went in the kitchen and prepared coffee, to cut the effect of the alcohol. You werenât drunk, really.
âMorning, bebĂ©! You woke up earlier than me today?â He said, passing you with a kiss to your cheek, then going to the cabinet for a mug. He was so unbothered by your argument last night it was pissing you off.
âI didnât sleep.â
He paused, looking at your face.
âWe should talk.â You readied yourself. Fernando stopped in front of you, attentive. âIâve been hearing a lot this past week that Iâm a gold digger, this has been making me feel some kind of way, and I wanted to address this with you. Last night you were tired and we probably misunderstood each otherâŠâ
âWhere are you going with this, corazĂłn?â He asked, confused.
âIâm not with you for your money, Fernando. Do you understand that?â
He stood silent, which only made you feel worse.
âI want you to stop giving me presents without a proper occasion. And I want you to stop paying stuff for me. And weâre going to share house bills.â You laid it all out, after thinking hard all throughout the night.
âWhat are you talking about? No, I donât accept it.â He frowned, âthat wasnât the deal when we moved in together.â
âBecause I didnât know everything back then. I donât want to feel like Iâm taking advantage of you, and I donât live at your cost like this.â
âNo, Y/N.â He took a step back, shaking his head as if you had said the most stupid thing he had ever heard.
âIâm serious, Fernando.â
âNo, Iâm not negotiating this. I pay for everything. Thatâs how itâs been and thatâs how it will be.â
âI just want to show you that Iâm not with you for the money! Iâm not what theyâre calling me! No more presents, Fernando.â
âYou took them.â
âBecause I thought you wanted me to have them!â
âI wanted you to have them so you would want to stay with me!â
You gasped, hearing it from his mouth finally. The tears finally started flowing, and you swallowed, trying to keep your voice steady even with the tempest happening inside your chest, staining the beautiful story of your relationship. Well, what you thought was a beautiful relationship.
âYouâre just like them, right?â You said, defeated, âyou think of me as a gold digging whore. You probably never defended me when they called me that.â
âI gave you all this stuff because I didnât want you to leave!â
âIt was never about the fucking money! And guess what? You lost me anyway!â You marched to the bedroom, Fernando hot on your heels.
âDonât. Donât leave.â He said, following you. âI did everything for you to never leave!â
âEverything but loving me! I donât fucking care!â You unlatched your necklace, putting it on the table, âI donât care about your money and the jewelry and the clothes and the bags!â You put down your watch and earrings too. Everything he had given you not because he wanted you or loved you, but because he thought they were the price to pay to keep you around.
âFuck, I love you!â You shouted, feeling desperate and lost, âAnd all you see me as is something you paid for. A toy you can parade around and look pretty in your arm! You donât even love me, Fernando. I could write a list about everything I love about you, and none of it would be your stupid money!â
In the closet, you picked a bag, and started putting your clothes inside. Then you noticed how most of them were gifts from him. So you put it back, taking only what you had bought yourself. Fernando stood there, helpless as you packed, putting clothes and a few shoes in a couple of baggage. You also took your study material and laptop, which he had gifted you, but you knew youâd refund him.
âStop, no,â Fernando tried to stop you as went into the garage, âI do, I love you.â
âYou donât, Fernando. Youâre not even sure of that.â You shook your head, putting the bags inside the car. The Aston Martin he had given you, âyou have to think. If you really love me as you say, then why do you love me? Because Iâm eye candy you can take to galas? Because Iâm a good fuck? Because I stand there and look pretty when you have to kiss those old menâs asses?â
You didnât give him a second, getting in the car and starting the engine.
âThis is so messed up, oh my god, how could I let myself believe this for two entire years?â You whispered to yourself, accelerating the car and driving off.Â
Through the rear view, you could see Fernando standing there, doing nothing.
You drove and wiped the tears away, breathing in. When you moved in with Fernando, you hadnât been able to get out of the lease of your flat because you still had a few months on your renting contract. Now it felt like luck that you had a place to stay. Despite getting your doctorate degree, you didnât have any friends in the city, only a few acquaintances here and there.
You got to the apartament, not bothering to unpack your bags, only leaving it on the bedroom floor. You took your study material and with your phone in hand, you sent Fernando via transfer a total 4000 euros, for what you hoped covered the âlaptop and books expensesâ as you wrote in the little note.
Then you laid on the bed, crying yourself to sleep.
You woke up and it was getting dark, the sun setting outside. Checking your phone, there were fourteen missed calls from Fernando, and a notification, showing that he had returned the money to you, with additional 30000 euros and only ânoâ written on the little note. Huffing, you sent the whole amount back and blocked him, so he couldnât transfer any more money to you.
He still had not realized what was wrong, he was still thinking money was your motivation.
The next few days felt like a haze, you were barely getting any sleep, only eating and writing your research, which ultimately reminded you of Fernando, since it was a study on aerodynamics. You couldnât lie to yourself, thinking of how many times you stared at the door, waiting and hoping he would understand and come after you.
-
Fernando had work commitments in England, and going back to Madrid, he ended up giving George and his girlfriend a lift. Fernando was visibly not himself as soon as George saw him.
âHowâs Y/N doing?â George asked, casually. But from the way Fernandoâs face dropped, he could tell something was wrong, âtrouble with the missus?â He joked, tried to lighten the mood.
âShe- uh, she left.â Fernando muttered.
âWhat do you mean, she left?â Carmen joined the conversation, âSheâs traveling?â
âNo- no- I guess we broke up.â
âYou guess?!â Georgeâs voice went a little high pitched out of nervousness.
âFernando, what happened?â Carmen tried to understand.Â
Despite not being exactly best friends, you and her were pretty close, always spending time together whenever both of you were on race weekends. The fact that youâre both engaged academics was also a common topic between you.
âYou know about the rumors, right?â Fernando started, hesitating.
âWhat rumors?â George paused.
âThat sheâs only with me for the money,â Fernando muttered.
âAll girlfriends of drivers are accused of that at some point, whatâs new?â George pushed.
âI might have implied that I agree with that.â
âOh, my god,â Carmen covered her mouth, absolutely shocked, âWhat?â
âFernando, respectfully- Are you fucking insane?!â George exclaimed, jaw slack, âshe looks at you all lovey-dovey, like- like- youâre the only person in the entire earth and you think sheâs with you for the money?â
âShe would never be like that! Sheâs so smart and kind,â Carmen added.
âI know- I just- I donât know! Maybe I let the rumors get to my head!â he ran both hands over his face, exasperated, âAnd she always lets me pay, and she always takes the presents, I donât know!â
Then, Fernando explained about how you tried to pay for dinner, and you refused his gift, he told them about the argument and how you wanted to set boundaries about money and gifts.
âShe was trying to prove to you that sheâs not a freeloader. She was trying to show that the money didnât matter, and what did you do? You pushed more money on her!â George practically spat the words in Fernandoâs face.
âEres muy estĂșpido, Fernando. Te lo digo como tu amiga.â Carmen muttered.
âI donât know what she said but I heard the word stupid, and I agree.â George backed her up, âGo talk to her, apologize and fix it.â
âThat is,â Carmen interrupted, face serious, âIf you really love her. Otherwise, better let her go find someone who can really love her, itâs what she deserves. Love and happiness.â
Fernando swallowed, his chest constricting with the mere thought of you moving on, of someone else having you in their arms.
Getting back home without you there felt like a thick fog day, cold and empty and he missed you, he missed his sun. He missed you jumping into his arms as soon as he opened the door. He missed the smell of the candles you always lit while studying. He even missed the little mess of textbooks, colorful highlighters and notes scattered around.
Home didnât feel like home without you.
In the middle of the living room, there were big cardboard boxes, as he opened, he noticed they were full of clothes, shoes and bags he had gifted you throughout your relationship. In a smaller box, all the jewelry he had given you, even anniversary gifts. Even the beauty products he had given you like perfumes, makeup products, and face creams.
You had returned every single thing.
And on the coffee table, your keys to the house and the keys of your Aston Martin DB12.
It seemed like you had returned everything that could tie you to him, everything that made him wrongly call you a gold digger. And it felt painfully like a goodbye.
-
While mixing your homemade coffee, your eyes flicked to the door, then to your phone on the table, facing up. Despite the searing pain in your chest, and the sorrowful hole in your heart, maybe it was time to start to move on. It had been more than a week, if he wanted to come back to you, he wouldâve come by now.
You got ready to meet with your advisor, and she brought up a topic that had been common now, about you taking a position as a professor for a couple of Engineering subjects. She said itâd be good for you to work in your area while on the last few months before getting your doctorate degree. You had mostly denied the other times she offered the position, because you wanted more time with Fernando, because you wanted the freedom to fly around the world following him to his races.
Now- now you had more bills to pay and no boyfriend to follow. You also had more free time, a broken heart and a vacant mind.Â
âIâm considering the position. I believe it could do me good right now.â You said to her, thoughtful, âcan I confirm with you tomorrow?â
After going through the meeting and getting a review on your thesis, you went back to your flat, taking a long shower. You had just dressed in pajamas when the doorbell rang. With long strides, you were faced with Carmen, and not Fernando as you expected.
âFrom your face I take it he hasnât spoken to you, yes?â Carmen muttered, seeing the visible disappointment in your face.
âIâm sorry, please come in,â you opened the door wider, forcing a smile. Carmen had a couple of bags that she set on a nearby table.
âHe told us what happened, Iâm so sorry,â Carmen hugged you and you immediately started crying, since you had no one to talk about the past few days, âI brought chocolates and wine, so we can talk.â
Over chocolates and a bottle of Merlot, you told her everything, starting at the deuxmoi rumor. She looked horrified when you said word for word what had transpired the last time you spoke with him.
âI just donât understand why he didnât come talk to you yet,â Carmen added, at some point.
âBecause he wonât, at all.â You say with your voice shaky from crying so much the past hour.
âDonât say that. He loves you.â Carmen said.
âIâm not entirely sure about that,â you shrugged, pretending it didnât hurt as much as it did, âHeâll find another one, someone who can enjoy his money since it seems like itâs all that matters to him.â
Carmen didnât say anything to that and you knew she couldnât argue with the facts. Later, George dropped by to get her, going up to your flat so he could hug you quickly and mutter âIâm sorryâ.
With a heavy heart, you slowly rebuild a healthy routine again, doing grocery shopping, cooking meals, going to the gym, studying and everything.
One day, you went back home after going on a shopping spree, and as you got into the hall, Fernando was there, standing in your hall, waiting by the door. You stopped, almost losing the timing to leave the elevator. When you walked closer, he noticed you. Meeting his eyes was different this time, uncertain and a little distant.
âWhat do you want?â You asked, you hoped your voice would come out harsh, but it only sounded defeated.
âCan we talk?â He asked, and you nodded, opening the door and letting him in.
There was a moment of awkward silence as you put the shopping bags down. After doing that, you crossed your arms and stood against a side table, waiting quietly.
âIâm sorry. Iâm really sorry, for not fully believing your love, I guess I was so focused in protecting myself, that I ended up hurting you, and it was never my intention,â Fernando stood just two steps away from you, his eyes holding such pain and fear, that it made you crumble, he didnât look like heâd been sleeping well, âI love you, I really do. For who you are and nothing else.â
You wanted to give in so bad, you wanted to run into his arms and never let go, but you also didnât want to suffer again.
âHow do you know? You never knew that for two years, how would you know it now?â You shook your head, tears starting to fill your eyes again.
âBecause it is hard being without you,â he said, like he was trying to find the right words, âI canât sleep without you. My life is miserable without you around.â
You only nodded, covering your lips with a hand. You wanted to tell him that you had not gotten proper sleep without him, that your life feels empty, that not knowing about him everyday was painful. But you needed more. You needed something you could hold onto, and maybe, just maybe take another chance at the two of you.
âI- I made a list. Like you said,â his voice failed, and you noticed his hand was shaking a little as he held the paper, âI love you. I love coming home to you every time and feel our house so lived in. I love how you always hug me first thing after Iâm back home. I love the silly texts you send me randomly throughout the day talking about your day. I love the selfies with your tongue out too,â that made you two chuckle, and the movement made your tears fall, so you wiped them, staring at him intently, âI love that youâre always the smartest person in any room weâre in. I love that youâre humble, never showing off or being a smartass. I love how cheeky and witty you are. I love that you talk in your sleep. I love that scar in your knee, because it shows you were always a little naughty, even as a kid. I love that thereâs always fresh flowers at home. I love that you love kids. I love that you get along well with my family. I love that you-â
He didnât finish, as you closed the distance and launched yourself at him, hugging him tight. Fernando held you close, pressing you into him, inhaling your perfume, feeling like he was at home again.
âIâm so sorry, princesa. So so sorry. I missed you so much,â he whispered against your cheek, kissing it softly.
âI missed you too, Nandoâ you said, eyes closed and allowing yourself to just feel him again, âI love you so much.â
You let go, holding his face with both hands, looking into his eyes before kissing him softly. He, on the other hand, held the back of your neck firmly, licking your mouth open, until he had tasted your mouth, leaving you breathless.
âCome back home with me, princesa.â
At that, you took a step back.
âI- I canât, Nando. I got a new job at the university.â
âWhat?â
âI thought you werenât coming back to me,â you muttered, and your words made him wince, âI needed something to hold on to.â
âIâm sorry, Iâm so sorryâ he ran a hand over his face, looking embarrassed for taking so long to come after you.
âI believe we should- we should take a step back, rethink a bit about our dynamic,â you told him, hesitant of his reaction.
âAre you unsure about us?â He asked, visibly worried.
âNo, no- I love you- I do-â You started, taking his hand, holding it firmly against yours, âI just think we should rewind a bit. Have my own place and pay my own bills, I just donât want to feel like that again, I need to regain my dignity in this.â
He kept quiet, because he knew deep down you were right. He felt awful about all the misunderstandings, but he knew you probably felt much, much worse. He should just get on his knees and be thankful you still loved him and still wanted him. Heâd take all your conditions to get back with him.
And deep down both of you knew it was for the best. Moving out and living alone, working and seeing him occasionally as a boyfriend.Â
Holding your face, he kissed you, leaving little pecks on your lips, your cheeks, your chin, your forehead. You closed your eyes, letting him kiss you, and he muttered how much loved you and how much he missed you, kissing down the side of your neck. He walked you inside and let him, feeling his hands quickly peeling your clothes off, leaving a trail of clothes from the living room to your bedroom.
You parted so you could undress him, pulling at his jacket and the t-shirt.
âI love you, I love you so much,â he mumbled into a kiss, laying you down in bed.
You laid on the bed and he hugged him, making space for him between your legs. He held you, touching your nose with his gently.
âI missed you, princesa,â he kissed your cheek, âI promise Iâll do better from now on.â
âI know you will, baby.â You kissed him again, running your hand down his back, âmake love to me now.â
He filled you up at once, and you groaned into his mouth, scratching your nails down his back as you cunt welcomed him. As he fucked into you, slowly at first then picking up pace, he muttered how much he loved you and how sorry he was, over and over.
As you cuddled after, quietly enjoying each otherâs company.Â
âWhat do we do about all your gifts?â
âGive them away,â you shrugged.
âCan I convince you to take it back?â
âNot if you still want me in your life,â you muttered. He nodded, placing a gentle kiss on your shoulder.
âYou know how I know I love you?â Fernando asked, drawing invisible patterns on your back, âthereâs an engagement ring in the third drawer of my bedside table.â
You hesitated for a second, but he knew you well. Better than anyone else.
âI know what you said, I just wanted to let you know. I bought it a week after you moved in with me. I know weâre rewinding a little bit for now, but youâll be my wife one day.â
âAnd what if I refuse when you propose?â You smirked, and he pulled your leg over his waist.
âYou wonât.â
Note: UGH IDK GUYS :(
#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 fic#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso x you#fernando alonso x reader#fernando alonso#Spotify
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Talking in a group chat with some fellow author friends earlier, and the subject of our book reviews came up. As in, "What's the favorite thing anyone's ever said about your book?" type thing.
I had to pause and think about it because people have said a lot of nice things about my work. That it's the queer goth love child of Jane Austen meets Terry Pratchett, for one. That Nathan's disability arc meant the world to them. That Vlad's blatant neurodivergence made them feel seen. That Ursula's profound loneliness made them feel less alone.
But the one thing I see time and time again that makes me smile is the word "comfort." So that's the one I went with. That people find my work comfortable.
So you can imagine my surprise when someone chimed in going, "Noo, don't say that! Your work is so good!"
I won't lie, it took me a solid ten to twenty seconds to realize that she thought someone describing my work as being "comfortable" was an insult and not one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.
And maybe I'm just several types of mentally ill, chronically ill, and too beaten down by the world, but I do not understand what is wrong with comfort. Comfort, for me, is a physically unobtainable goal. You might as well rank it up there with getting transported into another world and becoming Queen of the Fae. For me, reading comfortable narratives where people get taken care of with compassion and love is a fantasy.
And, like, just objectively speaking, something being comfortable doesn't mean it's not good.
It doesn't mean it's not thought provoking. It doesn't mean conflict-free or lacking moral dilemmas. It means people feel safe reading it, knowing those things will be resolved.
I'm not trying to keep my readers on edge with anxiety, always wondering where the next plot twist will come in. That's not my style of writing. It's not my goal. It's fine if it's yours, but like... Comfort is not an insult, and it makes me a little sad to think some people think it is.
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Paper cuts come when you least expect them. You thought it was pathetic that a mature human such as yourself couldn't even flip a page without slicing their skin open, but old Devildom books were made of the worst paper. Super thin, and sharp like a blade when touched at the wrong angle.
The small distraction sucked you out of the novel you were reading and back into reality. You shut the book and shook your hand, waiting for the pain to run its course. These actions did not go unnoticed.
"Let me see your hand," Satan murmured. He was suddenly looming over your armchair and gently cupping your fingers.
"It's not bad, don't worry." You were more concerned about the book's pages. Satan's collection had a lot of rare and expensive tomes. The novel in your lap looked fine, but how angry would Satan get if a drop of blood spilled onto it? He might not verbally assault you like he would others, but you feared he'd sulk about it for at least a few weeks.
Satan pulled a square cloth from his back pocket. He paused to stare at it. It looked fine. Maybe a little wrinkled, but nothing that should have made him frown. "My handkerchief is dirty."
He roughly shoved it back into the pocket and instead lifted the hem of his shirt, then lightly blotted at your wound with the still-warm fabric.
"Hey! Nooo, that's just going to make your clothes harder to clean later." You went to jerk your arm back, but Satan's gentle hold turned into an iron grip. Those abs weren't just for show. "It's gonna stain! Knock it off. I can lick it or something."
"Oh, good idea." Satan's shirt slid back down as he dropped it and knelt. He rested his elbows on the seat cushion, one on either side of your legs.
"I can do it! I can do it!" You tried to stop him, but he was already seductively dragging his tongue over your fingertip. "Don't even thi-- ahhh, Satan come on!"
There was far more blood rushing through your face than in the tiny little cut. It astounded you how Satan could pull off an embarrassing action so smoothly, without hesitation.
"Are you done yet?" You didn't know if it had been five seconds or five minutes, but you thought it was long enough.
"Mmh." He mercifully stopped, giving your palm a quick peck. "Move over."
The armchair was meant for one, but it was big and cushy. If you scooted to the side it could probably fit two. "Why?"
Satan was already climbing into the space next to you, raising you onto his legs. "I'm gonna make sure it doesn't happen again. I'll read to you."
He leaned back into the chair, pulling you along with him, and curled an arm around your waist to reach the novel. "So, which page were you on?"
#mc has no idea what page they were on. who keeps track of that? satan does. because he's insane (affectionate).#be careful guys this is how you get demon cooties#tw blood#obey me#obey me swd#obey me shall we date#obey me satan x mc#obey me satan x reader#obey me satan#obey me x mc#obey me fluff#obey me imagines#obey me scenarios#omswd#omswd satan#obey me fanfic#obey me drabble#obey me x gender neutral reader#obey me!#obey me! swd
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