#i was on the bed last night about to sleep then 10 mins later i was writing until 1am

[daengtokki]

𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈𝓃’𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒

Kim Seungmin/female reader

wc: 1.8k

synopsis: someone is cheating // pt 1

rating: mature/angst ꩜ (contains: aggression, confrontation)

⤜ · · ♡ · · →

3pm

SM: I won’t be back until Sunday, love, but I’ll call you tonight before you fall asleep! Hopefully I can catch you before you do

YN: it’s okay, Min. I’ll be here, and I’ll be up for a while

SM: I’ll text first just in case

YN: ♥️

12:30am

SM: sleeping?

11am

SM: I’m sorry I missed you last night, we can try again today!

2pm

SM: babe, you know I hate double triple quadruple texting you. Are you okay?

· · ♡ · ·

Saturday, 10:30pm

Seungmin struggles for a moment with his key, but manages without dropping his bags. The door swings open, and he’s greeted by a dark foyer, a dark living room, and a single faint light coming from the kitchen. And it’s too quiet—no tv left on, no music playing to fill the silence, like usual. It’s a little warm inside, and it was a warm day, but Seungmin can feel a breeze coming in from one open window.

“I’m home,” he calls out softly, and his voice carries down the hall and into the open door of the bedroom. But the apartment is empty. You’re not here.

He looks down at his phone, opens his texts, and types. His face falls slowly as he figures out another message to send to you. Seungmin has been away a lot lately, and things have felt strained, but you always answer, eventually, even if it’s hours later. You’ve never been silent for more than a day, and now it’s going on two.

sm: hi love, I’m home early

After making sure you’re not just sound asleep in bed, he starts to type one more message. But he stops himself, and instead he starts to unpack his things.

A few minutes later, his phone buzzes.

yn: hey, I’m so sorry sweetie. I’ll be home soon. I went out with some friends and my phone died

He sighs, relieved to finally hear from you. But he doesn’t reply right away; he waits until he empties his bag, showers, get dressed, and makes himself tea.

The lock clicks and the door swings open just as he reaches for his phone.

“Minnie!” You run to him and he opens his arms to hold you against him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

He fights with questioning your absence—not from the house, but from answering his texts, and decides to wait. Right now, he wants to sit down with you and relax; talk; catch up. Maybe that will reveal the answers without him having to ask—he hopes it will, because it’s slowly starting to eat at him.

· · ♡ · ·

“We traveled all day today, a lot of driving, so it was a little hectic.” He curls up on the couch and hugs his knees tights to his chest. “I missed talking to you last night.”

“I guess I was more tired than I thought”

“But I’m here now”

Seungmin’s little nod, his hesitant smile…you missed him so much, and you’re not sure you can even begin to tell him just how much. You crawl across the couch and kneel in front of him. “You’re here”

The kiss you give him is returned, but it’s as hesitant as his smile.

“What’s wrong, Min?”

He shakes his head, “nothing…I’m okay, uhm…”

“You can tell me, you know that”

Yes, he can. The two of you tell each other everything, and as far as Seungmin knows, there are no secrets between you. So why does he suddenly feel so uneasy? “Just too tired to think straight. Maybe we should go to bed.”

“Yeah, let’s go to bed. Clean sheets and everything, all ready for you.”

· · ♡ · ·

Weeks pass, and eventually, Seungmin feels better—less worried, less unsure about things. It’s not completely gone, though. Every hour that passes without a reply from you makes his heart sink a little more. But then you do reply, and everything is fine for a while. Communication between you has changed…just a little bit, but enough.

It’s turning into a vicious cycle, and it’s not good for his head right now. He feels distracted from his work.

Seungmin video calls you on his way home a few days later. You don’t answer.

-

Coming home is like deja vu. Dark, though not quite as dark this time. The tv is on, and so is the bedroom light. Seungmin can hear the shower running when he closes the door. He’s relieved he doesn’t have to worry like last time, and for some reason, even though so much is still eating at him, being home feels good, and everything feels okay. You’re home and waiting for him, and maybe you haven’t been in much of a talking mood lately.

That’s all this is. Everything is good.

He hears his phone buzz and feels for it in his back pocket, but it’s not him. Yours is sitting on the kitchen counter, right next to the coffee you were drinking not long ago. It doesn’t seem out of place of him to look at the notification on your screen, because he’s done it before—you don’t hide anything from each other. But this time he isn’t sure of what he’s seeing. It’s not a text notif, or Instagram, or twitter. It’s not KakaoTalk, which he knows you use, just not much. This one is from Line, and the sender is a name you don’t recognize: 민수

Maybe it’s a coworker, or a client. You know so many people through your work, and Seungmin knows that. But the message is right there…two of them.

민수: I hope you had a good time...I did! I’ll see you again soon

The second message is a ❤️. The same red heart you always send to him. Seungmin feels every drop of blood drain from him, and he feels like he’s falling, but he’s not. His feet are somehow still flat on the floor, and his hand trembles as he touches your screen—he wants to see it and read it one more time, just in case he read it wrong.

The shower stops, and in the time it takes you to get yourself dressed, Seungmin doesn’t move. He’s rooted to this spot, and he’s sure if he takes a single step, he’ll crumble, and he won’t be able to put himself back together again.

“Minnie?”

Your voice echoes in his head.

“Seungmin, baby, you’re home…what—“

He sees your eyes move and glance at your phone on the counter, and then they’re back on his.

“What’s wrong?”

Why can’t he speak? His mouth drops open and nothing comes out, but inside he’s screaming, picking something up and throwing it against the wall, jumping on you and shaking you until you tell him…

“Why?” Is all he manages.

“Why what? Is everything okay? Seungmin, you look so pale…”

His fist clenches behind his back. “I know I haven’t been around much lately…more than lately. But I’m trying. I try so hard to be with you…when I’m away. I thought I was…” he stops and takes a stuttering breath, and his nails dig so hard into his palm, it feels like he’s breaking skin, “…doing okay.”

“Seungmin, you do better than okay”

“Where have you been? You never answer my calls anymore. You hardly text back, and when you do…it’s hours later.”

“You’re right, I’ve been really bad at this for the last few weeks”

“Who is Minsoo?”

There's silence for far longer than either of you intend, but breaking it is impossible. Seungmin said it out loud, he had to, and now things will play out exactly as they should.

But the silence is as much of an answer as he needs. He turns to your phone and picks it up, looks at the messages again. The heart was sent an hour ago, right after you left wherever you were, got home, made coffee, got in the shower. Seungmin wonders what clothes are lying on the bathroom floor right now, and his eyes sting with tears at what his mind creates.

The metal frame of the phone gives a little under his grip, and it gives in completely when it meets the wall between you. The sound is intense—the crunch of glass, the crumble of drywall. Seungmin is strong when he’s not angry, and right now he’s more than that. He’s pissed, and he’s confused.

“Why?” His hand runs through his hair and stays there as he stares at the remnants of your phone; one half of the lifeline between you when he’s gone. “Answer me.”

You jump again, despite the eerie softness of his voice. You have no answer for him, and even if you did, it wouldn’t change a thing right now. “Minnie, I love you.”

“You love me?”

He takes a few steps toward you, and you move back just as many. Seungmin has never given you any reason to fear him, and he’s never argued or fought. You don’t know anyone nearly as level-headed and calm as him, but you’ve also never done anything this stupid before.

“I do, more than anything.”

This time you stay put when he closes the gap, because something has to happen, and there’s nowhere else to go. It’s you, it’s Seungmin, and it’s the wall behind you.

His hands come up, close around your cheeks, and his thumbs run over them so sweetly, “you love me…but, you fucked someone else?”

“I didn’t. Seungmin, I didn’t. Please.”

“You've been ignoring me for another man. Pouring yourself out to him? Telling him things, telling him how you feel being all alone in bed all the time because your boyfriend is never here for you.”

“No. No, Seungmin.”

His touch on you tightens, just for a moment, as he matches the intensity of your gaze. And then he relaxes and lets go. You stay quiet as he grabs his bag and disappears into the bedroom, and you brace yourself for a slam that doesn’t come. There may be no coming back after this, and you know that. It didn’t cross your mind what might happen if a night like this came, because you weren’t sure if what you were doing, at least initially, was that wrong. But things spiraled, and you spiraled with them, and you let your isolation get the better of you.

You should have stopped when the messages got more frequent; when you felt guilty texting Seungmin at the same time as him; ignoring a phone call when you were with him.

Seungmin flies by you and heads for the door.

“Please don’t leave, Minnie, I need you”

“You need me?” He pulls his shoes on and takes his time re-lacing them. “I needed you, too. Every time I text you goodnight, or facetime you, I do it for a reason.”

“I know. I fucked up.”

“Because it’s lonely being away, even when I’m surrounded by people. Did I ever tell you that?”

“No”

“That much is my fault then, but I didn’t think I had to tell you.” He picks up both of his bags and opens the door.

“Where are you going?”

“My dorm,” he looks back once more with his hand on the doorknob, but says nothing.

“I love you…I love you, Min”

“Goodnight”

[eonars]

ive tried like 3 times now so i guess im gonna do this in parts

so last thursday i went out with a man id been talking to off An App since before i went on that work trip, the conversation over text wasnt necessarily flowing ever and there were some long pauses while i was away that had me convinced it was joever but he always popped back up and even asked me how things were going and what i was doing. so we meet up the day after i get back and across 3 different bars and 5 drinks we get on like a house on fire. both like the same music (we were both at the same music festival in early august, talked about that a ton obviously) both play the same games (both main death knight and do very high mythic plus keys in wow) and as we get more comfortable with each other we start holding hands and intertwining legs and stuff while sat down. we make all kinds of plans for future concerts to go to together ranging from aura noir in like 2 weeks to him saying he will let me know if he ends up with a spare ticket to sigur ros in november because if he does he'll definitely take me along. we talk about different horror movies to watch together and he lets me yap on nonstop about fish related stuff, which he's actually super knowledgeable about and tells me i sound so lovely when i talk about it and i explain things so well that anyone could understand them and that it's amazing to listen to. he says he's so proud to know someone so intelligent who might actually do something notable for science and put this country on the map for scientific discoveries. we talk about art and he asks me what my favorites are in the national gallery in town and why and we discuss them. i mention i do art and he asks to see and literally can't contain himself when i show him and says i'm amazingly talented. things are going so well and the conversation about music and games and concerts and art and science has not idled or stopped once that when he's like oh shit i have to run for the train i'm like well instead of running we can continue having drinks here and then wait for the trains to start again at mine? and he's super down so we head back to mine and crowd together on my tiny twin bed in my tiny bedroom sized flat and he lets me put on jewels of the rift, the crunchy jpg quality reuploaded ancient natgeo documentary about cichlids i watch on youtube every time im feeling down. i tell him wow i've never been able to convince anyone to watch jewels of the rift with me before and he's like ohh don't worry i'm here now and about 40 minutes into jewels of the rift things get a bit 😏 but i stop things from going tooooo too far and we both have the worst nights sleep ever on a 90cm wide bed as two 6ft+ people who have been drinking heavily. he leaves at 7:30am and hugs me and quietly says it was really nice to meet me and i tell him to text me when he gets in which he doesn't so i text a little bit later asking if he got in ok. he says he only just woke up then and because i know he has work that night i ask how it's going and he just says it's going ok. i reply with a half joking type thing about how i hopefully didn't give him the german engineering university plague and get left on read so on sunday i text asking if he'd be interested in hanging out again sometime and then put my notifications off and go into the woods. i don't realize he replies 5 min later with "I'm a bit busy these coming weeks. But we can probably go to a concert or something sometime if you want :)" which feels really. not good to read. and so i reply back saying i'm definitely going to the aura noir show we talked about in like 10 days so just let me know and get left on read. it's now thursday and i still haven't heard anything and like.

[thebluntstudent]

FOUR ANXOUS THOUGHTS YOU MAY BE HAVING PRE-EXAM, AND WAYS TO RATIONALISE THEM ...

Also, a little commentary about panic attacks because I been there babs, in fact was there 30 mins ago~

°•☆•°

Tomorrow, I have an exam that I have been dreading for a long time. So naturally, today when I woke up a couple hours later than I was anticipating and opened up my notes to make the most of my last day of revising, I was hit with a flood of overwhelming anxiety and a panic attack followed suit.

I was struggling to move, I felt so overtaken by my thoughts- so I lay down, hugged myself, and did my best to calm down and rationalise my thoughts. This is how I got through it, and this is how I contended with a few of the emotionally-loaded thoughts that were driving my pre-exam panic:

Firstly, getting through it. If you are having a panic attack, don't try to push it down or ignore it- it sucks babs, but much like escaping a burning building by jumping through the fire, it's happening now and the only way past it is going through. So feel it. If you can talk to someone to support you through and ground you then do, and use whatever aids you to help calm the physical effects enough that you can start to fight that negative filter making you feel like the worlds biggest failure right now- you're not. You're a human, and if you didn't care about this exam you wouldn't be curled up in bed hyperventilating about it!

°•☆•°

Just physically calming yourself down doesn't help you fight the thoughts you're having that may be caused by or be the cause of your anxiety in the first place- so here are a few anxious thoughts I have had that you may also be experiencing and the rationalisation that helped me through them- in hopes that if you aren't doing okie dokie right now that maybe this will give you something to focus on and help you be the devil's advocate to your own anxiety too:

"I woke up later than I wanted to, I've lost important study time." So you slept through your alarm, or forgot to set one- fretting about lost time is only going to make you lose your mind and lose focus more, and the day before an exam you need as much rest as the night before. A few hours may feel like a lot of time, but you probably wouldn't have made the most of that in a groggy sleep-deprived state anyway. You're looking after yourself, you still have time, and that is okay.

"I have so much to get through, I'm never going to understand everything now." There is still plenty that you can do! I have been moderately unwell for 2 months and it has had a massive impact on my capacity to study consistently. There's a fair bit of content I know that I don't have enough time to understand at a first grade level- but I still have hours to lock down a little bit more confidence in preparation for the exam. Stop thinking 'I have to do ALL of this in the next 24 hours', start thinking 'what can I do to make myself feel a little more confident for tomorrow?'- as I mentioned in my last post, in just a 5-10 minute revision session you can go over a topic's worth of content via flashcards, and you literally have hours to go yet.

"I'm a bad student, I should have started prepping weeks ago/I should have done more." Hindsight is a bitch. Even if your reason for not studying before now is simply procrastination (which does not make you a bad student, it makes you a normal student- and also, a human being), mourning the time you've lost will not get you a top grade. You still have so much time to make yourself feel a little more prepared- you aren't a bad person, and you can still do something now even if you didn't a week ago! <3

"I don't even know where I'm supposed to start now, everything feels so overwhelming." take 20. Stop envisioning your subject as a whole (easier said than done, I know), and instead try to break it down into little segments of info you have to learn- you've already been taught the subject, so you don't have to learn the WHOLE thing in 24 hours. I like to write a list breaking down my module lecture by lecture, with three little check boxes next to it (though this depends on the subject you're doing): content, flashcards, practise. Cross off anything you've already done, pick one topic- one task you want to focus on and ignore everything except for that for however long you'll be working on it. It doesn't matter if you can't get through the whole list- every little section you do is another set of questions in the exam that you now have a better chance at answering. Isn't that a win?

This won't get rid of your anxiety like some magic solution, and it isn't always an easy task to dismiss your restless mind's accusations- but hopefully this is a little helpful for any fellow messy, anxious students out there who want the best but aren't in the best circumstances to get there <3 also, good luck!

[hunterdadrius]

Project Night

(Summary: The hexsquad has to work on a school project and go to Darius's house were they spend the night working and having a blast

Notes: they use snails as currency and most of the story is dialog)

Words: 1,572

*knock knock knock*

D: Come in

Hunter opened the door and stepped into Darius's room where he was calmly reading a book on his bed.

D: what’s up kiddo?

H: Oh-um, so basically me and my friends are doing this school project together and um I was wondering if you know, we could, if they could come over so we could work on it if that’s alright with you?

D: When do you want them to come over?

H: Oh um tomorrow morning if that’s alright

Darius put his hand on his chin contemplating whether it was a good idea.

D: How about they come tomorrow at noon and they can stay the night if they want since I have to take Eber to get his shot in the morning

H: YES, PERFECT THANKS DAD!

Hunter ran out the room closing the door behind him without looking back while Darius sat there dumbfounded

D: 'He called me dad-'

D: 'HE CALLED ME DAD!!!! I'M A DAD!!!!I'M GANNA RUB THIS IN EBERS FACE LATER!'

*The next day at 10 am*

D: Me and Eber will be home soon text me when your friends get here.

E: Let me goooo!!!

Eber moved around trying to get out before giving up and melting into Darius's arms.

D: Oh don't be so dramatic Eber it's just one shot

E: I don't need a shot, I'm perfectly healthy

D: Anyways, don't burn the house down little prince

H: I'm not that irresponsible Darius

Darius rolled his eyes before teleporting him and Eberwolf to the healers for his yearly shoot.

*** 2 hrs later ***

*knock knock knock*

Hunter ran to the door as fast as he could, almost falling down the stairs, when he made it down he quickly opened the door to see all his friends standing on the other side with their palisman in hand.

H: Come in make yourselves at home

L: Wow Hermano your house is awesome

G: It's so clean and organized

H: Yea Darius likes to keep stuff like that

*** 20 mins later ***

D: Hunter we're h-

He paused at the sudden group of teens in his living room making a mess on the floor, from what he can see the couch and table are covered with several stacks of paper and textbooks

D: Hello children

H: Oh, hey Darius sorry about the mess we'll clean up after I promise

D: You guys better, anyways if you need us we'll be in the basement

And with that he walked past the kids being careful of where he stepped while carrying Eber in his arms. He had fallen asleep during the walk back home since they had to make a stop at the fabric shop because Darius needed more supplies for one of his projects.

He closed the door behind him then walked down to the basement placing Eber on the ground while he got started on his sewing project. (Eber enjoys sleeping on the floor)

About 40 minutes past before Eber woke up

D: Good morning, Eber

E: What time is it?"

D: 1 pm why?

E: I'm hungry

Eber walked over to the table that contained a drawer filled with chips and other snacks then grabbed a hand full before hopping onto the sofa

D: You better not get the sofa dirty like last time

E: Don't care

20 minutes later Eber was asleep again on the sofa with a small blanket barely covering his body. He was slightly shivering but it managed to catch Darius's attention. He made his way over and gently picked Eber up before sitting down and placing him back down this time on his lap with the blanket on top of him. He gently ran his hand through Ebers hair and started scrolling on his scroll.

By the time he looked up from his scroll it was 2:35pm and he forgot to make lunch.

D: Eber wake up I'm ganna order take-out what do you want?

E: fairy pie!

D: Okay Ima ask the kids what they want

E: Kids?

D: Yea Hunters friends came over to work on a project, I told them they could stay the night too.

*15 mins later*

D: Foods here

L: Yay I'm starving

A: Me too

Darius placed the bag of take-out on the table while Eber got the plates. The living room was no longer a mess, all the paper and books were stacked neatly on the floor next to their bags.

W: Thanks for the food, Darius

A: Yea thank you sir

E: Gimme pie!!!

G: Here you go my dude

H: Since we got most of our project done and it’s not due until Friday how about we play bone-nopoly?

A: YEA!!!

L: Don’t you mean monopoly?

W: nope

H: You wanna play Darius?

D: Sure

H: How about you Eber

E: Okay!

D: Don't talk with your mouth full Eber

E: No

*After eating*

G: I wanna be the microphone!

L: I wanna be the eyebat!

H: No, it's my board game I get to be the eyebat!

D: STOP! How about I just make little abominations of all of us so you don’t have to fight over the tokens?

W: Perfect!

A: I’ll help make some too

While the two were making tiny abominations Eber was evenly distributing the money.

H: Each player is given 1,500 snails divided as follows: 2 each of 500 snails, 100 snails and 50 snails, then 6 20 snails, 5 each of 10 snails, 5 snails and 1 snail

(Don’t know if these are the official rules but it’s close enough)

E: Does it matter which I use? You end up with 1,500 snails regardless.

H: Of course it matters, the rules are there for a reason

E: Whatever I still think it’s the same thing

D: Finished, you guys done with the money?

E: Not even close

H: He’s just being careless

E: CARELESS!!!

G: How about we just start the game

W: Agreed

later in the game

G: Thats another 100 snails for me

A: WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MUCH PROPERTY?!

G: I'm just that good✨

W: hurry up so I can get my turn

E: Hey Darius can you make my abomination sit on your abomination's shoulder since we're on the same space???

D: No

E: What whyyy?????!!!

D: Too much work

E: Thats a lie

D: Whatever

H: Hey Luz

L: What?

H: If I win you got to give me 100 snails

L: Fine, but WHEN I win you have to give me 100 snails

H: Deal

L: Deal

W: Luz you have to go to the conformatorium

L: WHAT! AGAIN!

H: Looks like you're ganna owe me 100 snails

* After Game*

L: Here you go Hunter

H: Thank you very kindly

G: Hey Hunter how many blankets do you guys have?

H: like 8 in total-

D: 7, the quilt is off limits even to Hunter

H: right 7, why?

G: well, I was wondering if we could make a pillow fort, with that amount we could make a giant one!

H: Is that okay Darius?

D: sure, but what's a pillow fort?

*30 mins later after the fort was made*

A: Hey Hunter, why do you guys have so many blankets

H: Because Eber loves to sleep with like 5 blankets

E: THATS A LIE! I sleep with 3 :)

H: Anyways, me and Darius each sleep with one and the other 2 are extras

W: That makes sense

Grrrr

L: Sorry, that's my stomach

D: Me and Eber will get started with dinner you kids can put on a movie

G: YAY MOVIE!

D: But first clean up

H: Okay

*After Dinner on the couch*

A: Which movie should we watch?

L: Die Bard 2! Raine talks about it all the time when they come over to the owl house

W: That sounds great

H: We should probably watch Die Bard 1 first

G: Amity could you move a bit?

A: Could you move a bit, Luz?

L: could you move a bit, Hunter?

H: could you move a bit, Willow?

W: could you move a bit, Eber?

E: Darius move

D: I can't you're on my lap

L: I'll sit on the floor there are plenty of pillows

A: me too

D: me and Eber can sit on the floor he prefers the floor anyway

E: YEA!

*In the middle of Die Bard 2*

E: I'm ganna make more popcorn

D: Did you eat all the popcorn again?

E: Yep

D: How do you even do that?

H: I'll make more popcorn Eber

E: Thanks!

H: Here you go

D: Thanks Hunter

H: Could I um- sit with you guys

D: Sure, but why?

H: Willow and Gus are sleeping and I don't want to wake them up

D: make yourself comfortable

They continued to watch the movie as normal until Darius looked around and noticed everyone was asleep, Hunter was asleep on his shoulder and Eber was on his lap. Luz and Amity had fallen asleep above several pillows while Willow and Gus were covered in multiple blankets with all their palisman curled up next to them. He created a little abomination to turn off the tv while he carefully placed a blanket around the three of them before getting rid of the abomination and falling asleep content with how the day had gone.

---END---

This probably isn't my best work since I lost inspiration mid way. Sorry if there are multiple grammar mistakes :)

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

The great regular sleep experiment 2024 part uh... "pillow"

Okay, so what happened is the night before last I looked up everything I needed to go get my ID, and discovered that -technically- I didn't have anything that qualified as "proof of identity" because both my cards were expired and as a disabled person I can't qualify for a credit card, can't drive etc... In fact I can't even acquire something on the list. All the proof I have of who I am and where I live is technically only qualified as "proof of address", Having my passport -night- fix this, but my ex husband's father still has that.

So I decided that I'd show up with all I had, and if they were obtuse about it I would write angry letters exhaustively until there were policy changes. It's bad enough they make you get a new ID and health card every 2-5 years and that they make you pay for the photo ID. The applying online options would be great except you aren't allowed to the moment your card has actually already expired. I think there should be exceptions to a lot of these things for the disabled and especially for anyone on a disability pension.

I also decided that the best way to make sure I could get in and out as fast as possible was to get the earliest morning appointment I could and keep it, and I -could- book online so I did.

But then, it was my night sleeping shift, and even though I took sleeping pills and did everything I could... Not only could I not sleep at 10, but I couldn't sleep at 12, etc and so on until I had just laid in bed doing nothing until 5 ish am... At which point I had no choice but to get up because the walk there was going to take 1.5 hours min, and I had to eat and drink first, but also have time to pee after that had fully processed so I don't have to try to use a public toilet, etc... You know how a 9 am appointment means needing to be up at 4 when you're otherwise disabled and/or have autism/adhd...

So I fucking went to get my ID so sleep-zombied that I think everyone I encountered just assumed I was stoned AF, just absolutely wizard high at the government offices.

And I got my ID, but I hadn't brought my cane and I already could barely walk due to not sleeping, and kept tilting to the left because of trying to keep weight off of my right foot. I stopped at a dollar-store on the way home because it was right at opening and I needed to this week anyway to get the treats that make Pumpkin actually eat his food. Anyway point is I was walking way slower on the way back and the appointment was already at 9 am so I didn't get to bed until past 12.

And I slept! And then I was barely awake long enough to eat and went back to bed by 7 pm, and then I slept! On and off a lot until 6 am [I had moved my 5 am alarm later]...

And I am hoping I can sleep again in about 15 minutes, otherwise I am not going to recapture my 10-2 sleeps and my schedule will be soundly fucked up, all because I had to try to replace my ID.

[No I could not just take a cab or bus for the same reasons I never can without it being a near guarantee of being exposed to corona]

Oh yeah! The pillow! Turns out a shallow lumbar pillow for my lower back helps with my spine trying to be too straight all the time. The lower curve of my back and upper back have both been vanishing and my disks have been trying to curve out sideways because of it, and I have really shitty connective tissue, so I have been trying to keep my lower back curved the right way when I sleep so I don't develop an abnormal curve to my spine. For normal people this would be a process that takes years to cause problems and years to adjust back, or surgery, but my connective tissue is weak and stretchy and this kind of shit can happen to me and reverse int he span of a month. Unfortunately, correcting how bad my spine has gotten means an increase in the number of headaches I am getting again.

It also turns out that a lower back pillow that slips out of place is HORRIBLE for your back though, so ymmv.

So yeah, looking forward to my new ID photos looking utterly fucked... Which -frankly- is how I am going to look opening my door to buy alcohol or having to show up at a medical facility anyway.

That is, unless they pull the same shit as last time and send me my ID with the OLD photos because they can't see the age difference between them and think the older photo is better quality. They KEEP doing this, they insist I have to go in and take my mask off for a new photo [risk of corona and all], and then they just use the last one I took for them when I was still wearing makeup [more fem?]... Which is over 10 years old at this point, btw, it's just still on my last most recent ID because whoever is making the cards seems to prefer it. Like I don't care if I still look the same age, or younger with no makeup, I don't like having to show people an ID that looks like a 'modeling portfolio' pic and feels like misgendering. People already almost refuse to believe my ID is real because I look too young, I do not need them also thinking I don't look like the same person as in my photo because I don't look fem enough. I keep trying to take a more neutral looking photo and they keep opting out for me.

Whatever, they're telling me it's good for 5 years now.

[frogl3gs]

here’s a breakdown of my breakdown and my former company’s marketing department breakdown. (this is for myself for future reference if i ever question why i left bc I’m scared of new things sometimes and romanticize past things) - me telling my boss i’m overwhelmed every month since july 22.  - my boss and I having an offsite meeting in oct 22 where she asks me if I’m “really in this” and that she will only help me if i’m “really in this.” a bee lands in my cup. i acquiesce and say i’m “really in this.” - my boss, is and has been, really shitty towards all of us (june 22-nov 22) and i’m afraid the whole department is going to quit and so I call her bosses, the ceo and the president (because if i’m “really in this” then i’m going to do it the “right way”) and say “if this doesn’t change everyone is going to quit and you won’t have a department anymore.” - i take a week off for thanksgiving and can’t get out of bed. decide to also take a week off in between christmas and new year’s. - i get called in during PTO on dec 28, 22 for a very important meeting* that is then cancelled 5 mins before it starts. - i am also not very good at getting out of bed this week either. - i get a new job description and a new report on jan 1, 23, except there isn’t really a job description just my boss telling me once exactly what she wants me doing which was this sentence, “own the leads.”  - my one report is on a vacation and the brand team utterly falls apart because they are running a brand awareness campaign with a digital component that is meant to drive interest but they have not thought about funneling that interest literally....anywhere and I must create a whole upper funnel marketing program by myself in the span of two weeks.   - i hire another report to help out with the leads but a person gets hired to the general marketing team (and reports to my boss) and I am responsible for training them so I spend over 40 hours training them and then they quit three weeks later at the end of feb 23.   - mar 23 - my original direct report goes on maternity leave and I start getting pulled into these interrogation type meetings in the board room. everyone with chief in the title on one side of the table and me, marketing manager (1 of 3 marketing managers on the team) on the other side of the table. it was the only logical seat because it was also the only vacant seat. i was actually terrified. these 2-3 hour long meetings happen every. single. day. until i breakdown crying in the middle of the 14th one (that’s business days only, readers). I lie and say that I had a family emergency to attend to. so I got up and walked out.  - the following monday, march 27, 23, I tell my boss I’m putting in my notice, without a plan. she responds, “can’t say I’m surprised” - that next week, the multi-hour meetings continue except they have pulled in the other 2 marketing managers so I am not the only one on my side of the table anymore. before the end of the week is over, they fire marketing manager #2.  - monday, apr 10, 23, i’m told to work from home the rest of the week and that my last day will be that friday.  - monday, apr 17, 23 was my first day of funemployment. I slept 15 hours. I have slept 9-10 hours every night since. - today, apr 25, 23, they fired my second direct report.  I could not eat well due to stress and anxiety during this time. I could not sleep well due to stress and anxiety during this time. I could not go to the gym due to stress and anxiety during this time. I could not take care of myself due to stress and anxiety during this time.  I will NEVER let that happen to me again.   

[dakotakazansky]

Ghost • Nine

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Warnings: 18+, Fluff, Angst, lots of Dumb Bitch Juice, Some Smut

Pairings: Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x OC & Javy ‘Coyote’ Machado x OC

Word Count: 1,519

Jake

I woke up to Kota snuggled up against my chest, I would never get over how amazing it felt having her safe and tucked into my side. I honestly never wanted this feeling to end. I looked over to my clock and realized it's only 3:45 am. I sleepily wrapped my arms around Kota's waist, and pulled her as close to me as possible and fell back to sleep with her. 

The next time I woke up, I opened my eyes to see Kota smiling softly at me, "Good morning Cowboy." I smiled back, "Good morning Kota," I said my voice still laced with sleep, "What time is it?" she rolled over for just a second to check the time on her phone before rolling back over onto her stomach next to me, "It's a little after 9am."

I closed my eyes for a moment, "mpfh." I grumbled before wrapping my arms around her again and pulling her tightly to me, she chuckled, "Is this finally the day that the early bird Jake Seresin, finally doesn't want to face the music of the morning?" I just nodded my head into her shoulder.

"Well lucky for you, we don't have to meet Coyote or Villain until later tonight." We continued to spend the rest of this morning in bed, either napping together or watching more movies.

We got up out of bed around lunch time, both our stomachs growling now as we had skipped breakfast. We made some lunch and then moved to the couch in my living room, to continue our movie marathon until it was time to get ready to leave to meet up with  Coyote and Villain. 

I got dressed in an outfit that was pretty much similar to what I was wearing last night for Kota's surprise outing, except this time I was able to wear my black Stetson.

Kota on the other hand looked so good in what she picked out. She had her hair braided in two French braids until it reached the base of her skull where she then had the tails in two messy buns, god I loved that hairstyle on her. 

She had stolen one of my flannels, to put over a white t-shirt, she also wore a pair of Jean shorts that not only accentuated her short legs into looking longer, but accentuated her ass as well. She threw on her black sk8-hi vans again, and I swear I was falling even harder for her. 

We jumped into my truck around 5:30pm and started to make our way to The Wrecking Bar. Once we had pulled into a parking spot, Kota fired off a text message to Tate, asking if they were here yet. Tate had replied back that they were still about 10 mins out. 

Kota and I went inside to secure a table for the four of us, she stayed back at the table while I walked over to the bar to grab our first round of beers. I could tell as soon as I walked up, I was going to have to turn the bartender down, she was already batting her eyelashes at me.

"What can I get for you tonight on the house Stud?" She says to me, walking over after finishing with her previous customer. "Oh no, I'll pay for these no worries, just 4 beers please." I replied back. She brings out the big doe eyes while still batting her lashes. "Are you sure you don't want these on the house?" She says leaning forward, her arms placed in such a close manner that it accentuates her breasts.

"It's really fine ma'am. Could you start a tab for us?" I say handing over my card and nodding my head towards Kota. I notice the woman blushing softly, probably thinking Kota and I are a couple, "O-oh uh, yeah sure!" She stutters. I tip my hat to her, "Thank you ma'am." I say taking back my card and collecting the four beers to take back to our table.

When I get back to the table I see Kota smiling like an idiot, "Turning down another bartender I see!" She says, chuckling. I nod back to her, sliding her beer across the table to her before sitting down next to her.

"Why, though, she's really cute!" Kota questions. "I have eyes for someone else, and I don't want to follow Coyote's footsteps of searching for barrack bunnies." I notice Kota's face falls at the mention of me having eyes for someone else, if only I could tell her that she's the one I have eyes for. 

I take a swig of my beer, while Kota looks down at her phone that just went off. "Tate and Javy are here!" She says happily, replying to Tate explaining where our table is. They eventually make their way over to us. 

—

Kota

As soon as Tate and Javy meet up with us at our table I say, "Hey Tate, you mind running to the restroom with me?" She nods, looping her arm with mine, as we walk towards the bathroom. Once we are out of earshot from the boys she asks, "What's up Kota, you okay?

I sigh leaning against the bathroom counter, "Jake had the bartender making googly eyes at him, and he told me he turned her down because he didn't want to chase barrack bunnies, but also that he had eyes for someone else." 

Tate nods, listening to me, "Do you think that he could have eyes for you?" I shrug to her, "I couldn't see him having eyes for me Tate, he's been my best friend for at least 4 years now, if anything were to come of us, I thought he would've at least acted on it by now. So I don't think I was who he was talking about." 

Tate just gives me a hug, before saying, "You never know Kota, he might be just as afraid of the risk as you are. You know men aren't the only ones allowed to make the first move anymore?" I chuckle, "Yeah you're right I mean it is 2022, if I wasn't so scared of the risk, I could attempt to make a move but I'm still just not ready for that." 

I return the hug, "Thanks Tate, you're the best, you always know what to say." We both return to the guys, Tate taking her spot next to Javy while I take my spot next to Jake again.

We all chat and hang out for a little bit, when I notice that Tate and Javy are sitting a little closer to each other than what friends would normally sit. I lean over to Jake and whisper in his ear, "Hey you might want to start thinking about that twenty dollars you're gonna owe me." I nod over towards Tate and Javy. "No way, they aren't a thing yet." He replies. 

"Hey, does anyone want to play some pool?" I question once we've all finished our first round of beers. We all agree, "I'll be right back." Jake says walking over to the bar to grab us another round from the bartender that made googly eyes at him before.

As she passes the beers over to him she says, "You two look like a really cute couple, she's one lucky girl." What I couldn't see was the blush on Jake's cheeks, before replying to the bartender, "Oh we aren't together. Thanks for the beers."

 He comes back over to us, and we decide the first team is Jake and I vs Tate and Coyote. The first round was won by Jake and I, before we switched up teams, Tate and I vs Jake and Coyote now. That game was a very close match up, but Jake and Coyote took the win. We played a few more rounds just enjoying our time out. 

We eventually swapped over to darts and played a few rounds there as well. We made a bet that the loser had to buy the last round of drinks. Coyote ended up the loser of that round, and he went to get just two beers for Tate and I since he and Jake were being the responsible adults and driving us both back home. We played a few more rounds of darts and another round of pool while we finished off our drinks and then headed out for the night. 

Jake stops to pay his tab while Javy and Tate start out of the door. Jake and I shortly followed behind both Javy and Tate out of the bar. I whisper to Jake, "Look look look!" We see that both Tate and Javy are holding hands, walking over to his car.

"They definitely are a thing!" I whisper excitedly, them not knowing we are behind him and seeing this going on. We head back to Jake's place where he makes me take some ibuprofen and drink some water before bed again. "Goodni..." I begin to mumble but as soon as my head hits that pillow, I'm out like a light.

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[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi, it’s Emma! It’s been a long time since I last reached out. I took some time away (like two months) because it was the first anniversary since the attack and I took it harder than I had hoped. It’s been a little over a year now, I wasn’t on tumblr during the anniversary, but I’m feeling so frustrated because it’s been a year since the attack, and two years since the harassment started and I have nothing to show for it. Nothing. I’m looking back on everything and I can’t believe that I haven’t slept in a bed for over a year. I keep thinking that’s so ridiculous. The bed didn’t hurt me, the bed played no role in my attack, you’d assume I’d be scared to see or be around a knife but nope, I helped my mom cook dinner for my dad’s birthday last week, I had to cut an onion and had no anxieties about seeing or using a knife and a knife is what actually harmed me, that’s what could have killed me. My brother was cutting a green pepper and accidentally nicked his finger with the knife causing it to bleed a little and I got him a bandaid and when I saw the blood, no reaction. You’d think maybe even the sight of blood would trigger me or take me back there but no, it’s sleeping anywhere that provides any level of comfort (bed, couch, cot, blow up mattress, etc). Maybe my expectations are too high but I’m so frustrated with myself. Like I just really miss my bed and I’m sooo angry because it feels like nothing that I am doing is moving me towards sleeping in it.

Someone told me I need to just force myself to sleep in a bed but I don’t think they truly get how much they trigger flashbacks to what happened. I’ve tried multiple times in the last year to at least nap in a bed and each time I either never fell asleep because my body just wouldn’t let me or if I did, I would wake up 10 mins later having a panic attack. The last time I tried was a few months ago, before the anniversary, and that attempt was so bad, that I woke up in a panic and puked. I haven’t tried since then. I wake up at least five times throughout the night when sleeping on the floor because some body part of mine is aching because of the floor. I just feel like I’m in a lose-lose situation.

S/n: in an earlier response I mentioned how my dad would call me every night to tell me about work, specifically different neurosurgeries he conducted that day or consultations he had, etc. and I thought it was his way of trying to check up on me without me knowing and you mentioned thinking that it could also possibly be a distraction for him and me. I talked to him and you were right. You mentioned how sometimes people that care about us, want us to be okay but don’t know how to make that happen or don’t know how to talk about feelings, they turn to soothing you in ways that would soothe them if they were the ones struggling. All of that you said was right. More or less my dad basically said that to me, he figured my mom was already consuming the conversation enough about my attack so he’d change the convo when it’s just me and him speaking. And my dad is very book smart so it’s right in line with him to talk about work and use that as a distraction. Thank you for that again.

Hi Emma!! I'm really sorry for the late reply, but really happy to hear from you again!

I'm really sorry things are still looking so tough for you. It's no wonder you're frustrated; you have every right to be. This situation is so fucking unfair. You never deserved any of this. You never asked for any of this. You were trying to live your life and other people decided to ruin it and even attempt to end it, and now your own body keeps betraying you and stopping you from living your life. That's not okay, and I think you deserve to feel furious for as long as you need to. Hopefully one day you will feel like you have something to show for the recovery process you've been through, but it's okay to not be there yet and to not know when you'll get there.

I hope that you can at least channel some of your anger away from yourself and toward the men who did this to you, especially the one who attacked you. I know you already know this, but your body is trying really hard to protect you from experiencing horrifying trauma again, even if its attempts are misguided, unnecessary, and really frustrating. If you can, please try to give it at least a little bit of compassion for every wave of frustration you throw its way.

And of course you can't just force yourself to sleep on a bed. Trauma recovery is not that easy, and it's honestly really invalidating to tell an assault survivor something like that, even if the intention is good. It makes it sound like you're just not trying hard enough, and you deserve better than to be told something like that.

I'm glad I could help you with your dad, and that's great you could talk to him about it!

Sending big, big hugs your way, Emma ❤️

[azvolrien]

Ireland - Day 1

Back from holiday now! Diary incoming.

---

I set my alarm for when I’d usually be getting up for work, but by luck I woke up a few minutes before it anyway. My flight to Dublin wasn’t until 20 to 10 in the morning, but I wanted to be sure I’d have plenty of time to drop off my suitcase and get through security, so Mum and I left the house at about 7; she was heading off for a few days up north, so she gave me a lift to the airport en route to the motorway.

Bag drop and security were straightforward enough, so I just went straight to the gate as soon as they announced the number. The gate opened for boarding right on schedule, but we weren’t so fortunate with the actual plane: someone on the previous flight (it looked like the plane had a quick turnaround, essentially landing, refuelling and taking back off as soon as the passengers had been swapped over) was in a wheelchair, but the airport was very slow in wheeling a ramp up for them. It was easily the smallest plane I’ve ever flown in, low enough to the ground that the stairs were on the inside of the doors, so they couldn’t use one of the bridges that they have for the big jets. They did sort a wheelchair ramp eventually, and we finally boarded the 70-ish-seater propeller plane (bigger than the puddle-jumpers that go out to the islands, but not by much) and took off about 45 mins behind schedule. It was a mostly clear day, and I got a good view of the Southern Uplands from the window all the way to Stranraer where the plane passed over the Irish Sea and turned to follow the coast south to Dublin. Unfortunately I was on the seaward side of the plane, so my view for the latter half of the flight consisted of water and a couple of ferries.

There weren’t any delays in the actual flight, and we landed at Dublin after only about an hour and a quarter. There were no queues at the passport gates, though the bus from plane to terminal seemed to take a rather circuitous route around the airport, and I didn’t have to wait too long for my suitcase. Have to say, it’s the first time I’ve had a passport officer welcome me by name.

I took a coach into the city centre – not the most interesting road, as most of it was through a tunnel under the suburbs – and checked in to my hotel. I’d expected to just drop my suitcase off and come back later to check in, as the booking said it would be open at 3 and I’d arrived at 1, but by luck the room was ready early so they just let me in anyway. The room is at the back of the hotel and doesn’t have a terribly exciting view, but the bed is comfy and if I lean right up against the window I can see the Spire, the giant metal spike that the Dubliners built to replace a destroyed (and locally unpopular) monument to Admiral Nelson. It is literally just a giant metal spike. Useful if they ever need to impale Godzilla, I suppose.

Checked in, I headed back out to join a bus tour, by chance actually starting at the foot of said giant metal spike. There are a few different companies that run bus tours in Dublin and I think they all do a fairly similar route, so I just went with the first one that showed up. It had a live commentary provided by the driver rather than just a recording, and went around most of the main sights I have on my list for later such as Trinity College, the National Museum and the Guinness Storehouse, so it was a good way of getting my bearings even if the driver was overly fond of puns. They got especially painful when he started talking about Bram Stoker as we passed the bus where he (Stoker) got married.

It was, technically, a hop-on-hop-off bus, but I just went all the way around the circuit and disembarked again at O’Connell Street before setting off for a shorter wander on foot. I was starting to feel a bit sleepy – I didn’t sleep very well last night – so I stopped at a coffee shop near the bus stop for a quick coffee and a pastel de nata before crossing the Liffey to investigate Temple Bar. The ‘Bar’ of the name is a historic sandbank, apparently, but it certainly has plenty of the alcoholic kind as well.

I circled back to the hotel for a quick freshen-up before heading out again for tea at a burger place in Temple Bar that looked promising. I wasn’t hungry enough for chips, but the burger was delicious even if it did start disintegrating as soon as I took the little flag out. The hotel does have a restaurant that does pizzas and stuff in the evenings, but I’d rather get out and see what else Dublin has to eat.

Tomorrow: the Book of Kells, among other plans. I hope they have it open at a good illumination; the calligraphy is beautiful in itself, but let’s be honest, that’s not what your typical layman wants to see the Book of Kells for.

[kicksomebuttmama]

75 Hard (okay, more like medium-well)

So, I'm freshly postpartum (nine months is still fresh, right?), and I've just ordered a bunch of clothes that fit my right-now body because I've given up on the idea of losing weight before I go back to work as a teacher in the fall. I'm breastfeeding six or so times a day, can't imagine putting on anything but a lounge bra at this point, and know for a fact I won't be counting calories anytime soon, if ever again. We're down to one feeding per night, but there's still no such thing as a stretch of sleep longer than six hours (and those are real hard to come by). I dropped my scale off at a thrift store when we moved into a new apartment a few weeks ago, for goodness sake. All of this to say, I went to bed last night fully intending to embrace my body as it is, enjoy my new clothes, go for stroller walks with my little one, and focus on getting unpacked in this new place.

...then I found growwithjo on YouTube this morning and had so much freaking fun doing her Do This Every Morning 20 min (low impact) full-body workout that I am JUICED. Y'all, I'm jumping straight into 75 Hard. Screw all my plans to settle into discomfort and continue to feel meh about my body. I'm starting today. 75 days from now is July 31. That means we're having a... Hot Mama Summah. Here we go!

A couple things about me, I've dealt with disordered eating, obsessive calorie counting, and major shame about food in the past. One incredible thing that came with getting pregnant last year (actually it was 2022, which is insane!) was an almost immediate shift in my mindset about food and my ability to enjoy food without guilt. As soon as I knew I was eating for two, a switch flipped and those 32 years of food shame just went away. Knowing that my body, the body I've lived in and, at some points, truly despised, my whole life, was creating a little human?? Dang, that changed me. I'll dive deeper into that another time, but I'm including it here to explain that I won't be counting calories during this adventure. I'm nine months into breastfeeding and know my body needs extra calories to feed my girl, so I'm going to continue to eat until I'm full and enjoy my sweet treats. I also won't be weighing myself due to the aforementioned thrift store drop off as well as an obsession with numbers and addiction to weighing myself before and after every workout when I'm deep in weight loss mode. I will share that the last time I checked, I hadn't lost any weight since an initial ten pounds the day my baby was born in August 2023, and at that point I was at 235. I'm 5'2.5" and carry my weight in my chest and belly right now. Perhaps I'll have a doctor's appointment in a couple months and be able to give an update using their scale. We'll see!

Let's dive into 75 Hard. If you've been around the internet in the last few years, you might have heard of this mental discipline challenge created by Andy Frisella. For 75 days, you must: drink a gallon of water, do two 45-minute workouts (one must be outside), follow a diet plan of your choosing with no cheat days, don't consume alcohol, read 10 pages of a self help or educational book, and take a daily progress picture. As I've made clear, I have a nine-month-old, so I'm not going to do every element, but I'm not quite doing a "soft" version, in my opinion.

Mama Cat's 75 Medium-Well Plan:

Eat 2 fruits and 2 veggies

Drink a gallon of water

Do a 20-minute workout and at least 45 minutes of walking (can be split into multiple walks based on what baby will tolerate)

No alcohol

Take a daily progress pic

As you can see, I'm skipping the reading and shortening one workout to 20 minutes. I am a big reader, but it isn't something I've gravitated toward for relaxation in motherhood, and I honestly don't want to use up what little time I have during naps to read when I could be completing all my NYT word puzzles (and updating this blog)!I'll make another post later wrapping up Day One with a list of what I ate and how I moved my body. I'll try to update daily but might do a few days' worth of posts at a time if taking time to write it all out gets tough. So far, I've already done my workout video, 45-minute walk, eaten two fruits, and enjoyed an hour of snuggles while baby girl contact napped. I've also nursed three times, and I'll never stop feeling proud and impressed by that, so I'm going to celebrate it daily! I have a lot to say about my breastfeeding journey and look forward to making a post about it eventually.

Wish me luck. Let's hope this motivation high lasts and I don't give it all up tomorrow!

[thealienmoth]

Accumulated nightshift notes:

-wait till client 🕺 is back from concert to tuck in to bed

-is 30 minutes late, panic about him possibly having had a seizure😱

-check if everyone is still breathing 💁 (yass✨)

-pondering life😶‍🌫️

-text boyfriend 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

-call happened, client 🕺 is downstairs and needs the lift opened

-15 min later client in bed and sleeping [00:10]

-play some Minecraft (was killed once by a bitch ass creeper, also had to Google what the fuck to feed an alpaca) [1:30]

-first wave of sleepy, off my ass I go to clean the flat [2:00]🥱

-listening to horror podcasts when alone, in a nightshift, with a flat full of snoring, breathing people and also very wind sensitiv windows...was not my brightest moment😳

-doodle the boyfriend 🥰 a Widget about said horror podcasts horroring

-watch some tiktoks for distraction and wakey time

-have now seen someone speak in an Elmo voice and really want to try to learn doing that🤔

-try to do so quietly🤫, fail. Put it on my "want to learn in life" list

-crossed Elmo voice off my life learn list, remembered that I have Tourettes, so while it would make the whole thing funnier, it would also probably get unbearably annoying quickly

-breathing check in 🫁(still yes, snoring even)

-quietly prep things for the morning, decide to fold some napkins for a little surprise for the clients at breakfast 😌[3:00]

-eating some snacks

-client 🫅🏼 comes out her room looking for the toilet

-show her where the toilet is, wait timee

-put her back to bed

-repeat 3 times

-girl stay in bed you went pee 3 minutes ago, your bladder is full of dust more so then urine

-next client 👏🏼comes out of his room, on his way to the restroom, also asking if he can go smoke, sir first of all it's 3:30 in the morning, second of all ..why is your underwear at your ankles

-off to bed he goes

-and comes out every next hour asking if he can smoke one

-no sir, 7:00 is earliest and you know it, and no coffee is not done yet either

Next night shift!

-by 21:30 finally everyone in bed 👌

-pray a thank you to 🫅🏼's cold meds, cus they make her sleepy

-literally I think the second time I had a pleasant bringing her to bed experience and I thank the Lord's (&ladies ofc)

-everyone got their last meds so if nothing happens this could very well be the last client interaction before 1am rolls around

-time for some social media 😌

-played some pokemon (fuck yeah bug type pokemon make me giggle and kick my feet)

-1am ish client needs to go to the toilet, suddenly very weird gate, asks to hold on to me 😳 worry worry worry

-bum wiped and he is off to bed 👌

-next one! It's time for 1am continence check

-jup looks good, semi full, changed, ✅

-cleaning 😌 girl bossing around the flat (cleaning the medication drawers and kitchen)

-quietly prepping for the morning

-closing the windows in another clients room, cus she likes sleeping with them open but doesn't like getting up in the morning when it's cold

(notes end here, got busy)

[whitewoodbosca]

it's the most wonderful time of the year [1]

With Elis, Christmas was nothing more than an opportunity to make money - it didn't change even when she went to Hogwarts. After two days of having the castle to herself (and a few students who also stayed back), she was visited by none other than Ash White, who decided that she should come to her house on Christmas.

pairing: ash white (hphm mc)/penny haywood/chiara lobosca, minor elis pames (hpma mc)/cassandra vole/ivy warrington in later chapter

note: yes i'm writing christmas fic in march. also hello people apparently i haven't died yet. this is set in the first year of hpma

The cold was merciless.

“I thought you wizards can teleport or something.” The annoyance in Elis’ voice was muffled by the scarf Ash lent her. She was used to walking more than just a few miles back in the days, but she would never be able to withstand this frozen weather, not when she was still dressed in two thin layers of uniform. In front of her, Ash White did something that vaguely resembled a half-hearted shrug.

“I can Apparate, but that means leaving you behind. The Floo Network at this time of the year is… unstable.” The witch grimaced, before pointing at a house at the end of the road. “That’s our destination, so move your legs quicker.”

Eventually, they reached the porch, dusting snow out of their clothes. As Ash knocked on the door, Elis took her time admiring the neighborhood. It was not too far from the center of London, but the quietness seemed out of place, especially during Christmas.

"Oh, you are back." A woman in her late twenties opened the door for them. Her blonde hair was tied into a neat ponytail, though a few strands managed to escape, brushing against the side of her face and nape. She was beautiful, unbelievably so, especially with the way those blue eyes sparkling full of warmth, compared to Ash who looked more of a grizzly bear wearing a clown mask.

"With our guest." White smiled cheerfully, purposely pushing Elis forwards with one hand behind her back. "Jun isn't home, is she?"

"She said she was going to visit some friends." The woman shrugged, head cocked to one side as she observed her carefully, as if Elis was a stray kitten showing up in front of her house, which was, technically, not wrong. "Now come in, I don't want any of you to catch a cold."

No way Ash lives in this place. That was the first thing popping up in her head the moment she stepped inside - deep yellow walls with flowers patterns, bright wooden furniture, not to mention extremely tidy. The holy smell of fresh baking goods (from the kitchen, she presumed) only made Pames feel like she was home, despite knowing that her actual home was thousands of miles from here.

"Chiara is napping upstairs." The woman led them into the living room, where they could have a nice view of the garden through the large windows. "Apparently there was a tough case yesterday. So whatever you try to do, keep it down, alright?"

"You know I would never disturb our lovely Healer's beauty sleep, right Penny?" Ash replied with a cheeky grin, pulling the woman into a quick kiss, before nodding towards what Elis would guess the kitchen. "Not after she baked those delicious chocolate chip cookies."

"You should thank her later. I told her to rest early, but she insisted on making some since you were coming." Penny gave White a slight nudge to her ribcage as they settled down on the sofa. Actually, it was two of them sitting on the sofa and Elis taking the armchair, not wanting to get in the middle of whatever sappy romance in front of her eyes. She tried to distract herself by focusing on the surroundings. There was a flat-screen TV opposite them, one of the most modern types, and the girl wondered whether it was a way to make the house less suspicious among Muggles. Most of the families she worked for all had a TV, and if she was lucky enough, their children would let her catch a glimpse of those kid-friendly programs or movies with the worst visual effects she had ever seen. A bookshelf was mounted next to it, but the titles were all too small to read. I doubt they would put magical books up there.

"Let me go get some tea and cookies." Her head swirled back to Penny and Ash. "Can you drink green tea, honey?"

Elis could feel her face heat up at the word. It was so obvious that she was not immune to beautiful women referring to her like that.

"Green tea or matcha? People nowadays always mix the two of them up." She pointed out, mentally praying it was the former. The bitterness of it would clear her head up for sure.

"Vietnamese green tea, kid." Ash replied, a smug smirk spreading on her lips. "By the delightful look on your face, I feel like I should have answered matcha."

"No bullying in the house, White." Penny flicked one finger against her temple, before turning to Pames and giving her a reassuring smile. "Make yourself comfortable, I'll be back soon."

As the blonde woman made her way down the hall, Elis turned to Ash, puzzled and confused.

"You have a wife? I thought she was married to Mrs. Lobosca."

"I don't." She shrugged, leaning back on the sofa as she stretched her arms over her head. "Chiara and Penny got married while I was still busy traveling all over Europe." White explained, her fingers drumming on the arm of the sofa. "I am more of the person who sometimes drops in with food and drinks."

"Sure." Elis thinned her lips, her eyes squinting at the older woman. There were more to the stories, she could feel it, but the last thing she needed was to have another person mad at her for prying at their secrets.

"You said that, but curiosity is showing all over your face." Again, Pames wished Ash could be less observant. White made her feel like the emotionless act she had spent years to perfect was a child's game. "I've made enemies, so putting my name next to them is like giving those bad guys a big, red arrow on where to hurt me most."

"Sounds like it is more about your self-destructing nature." That brought a smile to her face, rather satisfied with Elis' deduction.

"Oh, do elaborate, Miss."

Two can play this game. She took a deep breath, racking her brain for clues. Ten years ago, Ash was in Europe messing things up, and at the same time, Voldemort had his army terrorizing people, which eventually led to the Battle of Hogwarts. An entry in the History book she borrowed from Daniel said that there was a massacre of Voldemort’s subordinates before it, caused by an unknown, powerful being. “It is said that the Ministry of Wizards is still seeking that person nowadays.”

“You made enemies with the Dark Wizards.” Elis clenched her teeth, feeling her hand tremble at the idea. “They are still on your ass for the massacre in early 1998.” She muttered those words in disbelief, gaping at Ash. The 36-wand incident, that was what people called it, because the day after the Battle of Hogwarts ended, someone dumped a bag of 36 wands in front of the Ministry of Magic, all belonging to The Dark Lord’s underlings. Pames used to think people often exaggerate White’s ability, but to do such things… Her body involuntarily shuddered.

“The girl is smart,” Penny emerged into the room, a teapot and some cookies in her hands. The smell of green tea calmed Pames down, though her heart was still beating like a drum, “and she is a first year?”

“Kids nowadays grow faster than us.” Ash took the tray from the woman and put it on the coffee table. She handed Elis a half full mug, ignoring the way her fingers were shaking as they wrapped around it. “Back in first year, I was busy swooning over you and Chiara.”

So apparently her Prefect had three mothers, one was the greatest Healer in England, one was the Wizard World’s golden girl, and one was an Unspeakable who could obliterate an army on her own.

What was she even doing here in their house?

“But I can’t spoil too much.” Ash took a sip of her tea, and Elis mirrored her action, savoring the light bitterness as hot water ran down her stomach. “Gotta wait for Jun to come back, so I can tell the story of that one time she almost blew up the house while trying to find her textbook.”

The idea of Jun Haywood-Lobosca, the grumpiest person in the history of Hogwarts, the Prefect who could talk about rules and manners for days, scrambling on the floor and probably crying certainly made Pames’ eyebrows raise in fascination.

“Well, color me interested, then. Finally have something to add to the tales of Demonic Ravenclaw Prefect.” She laughed, watching the snow falling outside the window. Maybe this Christmas wouldn't be too bad.

[screechingmelon]

ATTACK ON TITAN MEN, drunk (crack) sex headcannons

NOTE — first post and i was on crack. a possible part two with the rest that i didn't include but if you want actual sexy writing go check out @ambrodias

SUMMARY — aot men drunk and intoxicated and very horny. this is just crack and sex... that's it

CHARACTERS — eren jaegar, armin arlert, jean kirschtein, connie springer, marco bodt, reiner braun, bertholdt hoover

#TAGS — hi @ambrodias, happy now? XD

NOTES & REBLOGS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED!

ATTACK ON TITAN - MODERN AU!

EREN JAEGAR

- "wait, no. i can't have sex with you, i have a girlfriend.", "i am your girlfriend"

- didn't hesitate to bend you over

- sloppy sex

- "babe i'm tired, can we sleep?" in the middle of fucking.

- he accidentally came inside you

- next day while he was with out with the gang you received a text, "did i plant a demon baby inside by accident last night?"

ARMIN ARLERT

- doesn't know where to put his fingers and dick in

- gets soft even before having his dick in you.

- falls asleep

- "baby, hey, can we get some tea?"

- wakes you up 10 minutes later energetic as fuck bc wanted tea and has a whole encyclopedia ready to read like it's a bed time story

JEAN KIRSCHTEIN

- wants to be ridden

- cums 5 seconds in

- "that was so good" he says and you're just there horny

- too sensitive to carry on so he sleeps

- wakes up thinking it was a dream, horrified to find out he lasted only for a few seconds while drunk

CONNIE SPRINGER

- gets so much fucking leg cramps

- can't really tell if he's in pain or in pleasure by the sound he's making

- "oH gOD, FUCKIN HELL. WAIT nO i cAN DO THIS— BUT I CAN'T LOSE YOU LEFTY" yeah, his right leg was the one that got cramps

- thought his right leg almost got paralyzed

- "it was good while it lasted lefty, but it was for a good cause", "babe that's your right leg", "what"

MARCO BODT

- can't speak a sentence, keeps stuttering while fucking

- wants you to sit on his face and you did; it was a bad idea

- "keep going" he says, and then he's unconscious 2 mins later

- you thought you killed him.

- "even if i did die, it would've been a worthy death" as jean would say, marco took it literally and almost to his grave

REINER BRAUN

- was very fuckin' sexy tbh

- you both were going at it

- "such a good boy for me" you said

- he started crying, please help him

- "wait, don't stop. i-i'm just emotional" while moaning and proceeded to ask if he was being good or if you were proud of him.

- just— just please praise the poor man

BERTHOLDT HOOVER

- was very adamant about having sex, it was a nice change bc it was usually you who initiated

- he started off dominant

- a minute in, he starts getting worried; "am i in?"

- "yes, yes you're in."

- "i got in the club?" you were now just confused

2021 © All content belongs to screechingmelon on tumblr. Do not repost my work anywhere.

[mllechartreux]

Summary: Ok so a lot of writers agree it’s canon that Izuku has a piss kink 😊.

Content/Warnings: izuku x fem!Reader, established relationship, MDNI, piss kink, smutty dialogue

W/C: 1.1k

Masterlist

City lights whizzed by outside the car window, dazzling you as you rested comfortably against the cool, smooth leather seats of Izuku’s luxury car. You had a great night with great food and great drinks, both of which were making you sleepy now. Your jaw stretched against the yawn coming out.

“You tired babe?” Izuku asked from beside you in the driver’s seat. Warmth emanated from his hand that rested along your bare thigh, right below the hem of your dress. He knew you were tired even back when you were still at the restaurant. He peaked over at you, inwardly gushing over the content, sleepy look on your face.

“Mmhmm” you hummed. The heaviness clouded your mind, finally sinking you into a light doze.

You could sleep for the entire car ride, but the moment you pulled up to your house, you woke up, everytime. It also didn’t help that Izuku drove so smoothly, he could be dropping you off at work which was 10 mins from your home and you’d still fall asleep. You arched your back in the seat of the car, blinking away the blurs in your vision. A sense of ease washed over knowing soon you’d be in bed curled up against your man.

Unfortunately, that didn’t last long. The moment you stood up to exit the car, a cramp hit you, knocking you back into your seat. How was it that you couldn’t feel how full your bladder was until now. Your thighs pressed together and legs crossed at the calves. There was only a little chance you could make it to the bathroom.

Izuku ran over to your side of the car the moment you fell back in your seat. He crouched down to your height assessing you for any problems.

“Baby what’s wrong? You only had two drinks, were they stronger than you expected?” Baby boy was frantic over what to do that would help you.

You laughed weakly, “Yea the drinks were strong, just not in that way. They went right through me and it’s gonna be hard to make it to the bathroom.” you conceded. You were gonna give it your best shot though.

Something shifted in him. You looked so vulnerable, embarrassment imminent. The man’s eyes raked over you, noticing the dimples in your thighs from them being squeezed together so hard, and the sheen coated along your forehead and collarbone. He couldn’t let you handle this on your own.

He swiftly picked you up bridal style, kicking the car door closed, speed walking into the house. Well, for anyone else it would’ve been speed walking, for him it was truly just walking.

“Thank Zu,” you sighed appraisingly. You didn’t expect him to carry you. You were just gonna ask him to open all the doors so you could run in. The relief you felt, felt akin to the relief of relieving yourself, you calmed in it, not even noticing Izuku passed by the guest bathroom.

He carried you all the way to the bedroom, slowing once inside. You scrunched your face.

“Babe, the bathroom,” you urged, pointing towards the bedroom bathroom.

He smiled at you in his arms, the freckles on his cheeks so visible from this angle, you’ll have to appreciate them later.

“Right, of course,” and he sat down on the bed, holding you across his lap, one arm around your waist the other across your thighs holding your hip.

Your eyes narrowed at him, you pushed his shoulders trying to create some space between you two. His hold on you didn’t budge.

“I need to pee now, let me go,” you hardened your voice. He still looked at you with stars in his eyes and a smile on his face.

“Do you remember when you wouldn’t let me buy you those new shoes?” His head and eyes tilted towards the ceiling.

“Izuku this is not the time to be talking about that,” you clenched your teeth.

“Really, because I think it’s the perfect time, baby. I finally get to help you like I wanted to back then,” his eyes softened towards you and he started bouncing his leg. The sight of your boobs lifting and dropping back down distracted him.

You squeezed his shoulders, urging your thighs to squeeze together more, to hold more.

“Please Zu,” your eyes began to water, hoping to move him. In fact, you were pissed, all pun intended.

“You don’t have to beg puppy, I can never say no to you,” he cooed. That was true but this isn’t what you wanted, was it? As if he could see the indecision on your face, he made a move for you and grabbed a thigh with each hand, holding them open. You struggled against his grasp even though you knew he was too strong.

Stunned and nervous, your bladder stuttered before finally releasing. At that point there was no stopping it or the moan you let out from the tension leaving your body being replaced by a body shivering pleasure. Warm liquid trickled down your thighs and on to his pants. You could feel the damp fabric of his pants sticking to your ass, dress having ridden up when he spread your legs.

He was enamoured with the sight of you falling apart. The satisfaction from knowing he was taking care of you and you never had to feel embarrassed around him. You’re so beautiful when you're like this, allowing him to make the decisions. The hissing sound paired with the heat of your piss on his crotch was enough to make his dick to jump, aching to feel you. He wondered what you felt like while you peed, if you’d clench around him like you do when you cum. He had to find out.

“Yes puppy, just like that. Are you crying because it feels so good, don’t be embarrassed, I’m gonna clean you up don’t worry,” he palmed your thighs, easing you down from your lightheaded stupor, you haven’t even realized tears were sliding down your cheeks.

You pouted, “Fuck you Zuzu,” there was no real bite behind it, he just made you feel bratty sometimes. It didn’t help that he was a brat enabler either.

He chuckled heartily, “Are you sure you’re ready for me? You look a bit out of it,” he cupped your face, his love seeping out of his eyes and hand at how softly he checked you for true discomfort.

“M’sure,” you smirked. You pushed him and leaned over his body, now laid out on the bed. A leg moved over to straddle him. If he wanted to give to you, to spoil you, then you were gonna take it. You took his lips in yours, pressing roughly and desperately as if you could taste the devotion on his lips.

[peanutpmingib]

boyfriend!changmin headcanons

now introducing ur college boyfie changmin !

watch it : gender neutral reader, pure fluff rly, not much else. let me know if i missed anything !

word count : 600+

——-

- dance major for sure

-Oh he’d be the sweetest :((

-Even before he gets involved with any feelings he’s so so nice

-Meets you through mutual friends, friends of friends of friends and the like, and eventually you join each others circles

-And soon enough earn the title of best friends

-constantly blowing up ur phone, but he doesn’t mean too ! He swears !

-Brain works in bursts so he ends up sending possible hang out ides as a string of texts, no paragraphs with him

-Unless it’s serious and he has to actually think about it

-Like when he finally gets the balls to confess to you

-It’s a huggeeee paragraph he’s been typing, deleting, and retyping in his notes for days

-He can’t do it in person, no matter how much sangyeon rolls his eyes and pushes for him to meet you in person, he’d rather die

-So on a random like Tuesday night, at 7:10 he texts u like, hey do u have a sec?

-And u reply a few mins later, yeah what’s up ?

-Copy’s and pastes, sends it without leaving much room for though and screams

-Basically the paragraph goes “um you're really important to me and I’ve been thinking about just our whole dynamic. I rly love being your best friend, you’ve given me some of the most precious moments of my life, but I think I’d be a better boyfriend if you’d let me, friends just doesn’t do a justice to what I feel for you anymore “

-You read it, he sees the bright check under the word vomit of his feelings

-10 minutes of radio silence and he’s sure he’s just made the biggest mistake of his life

-You're actually on your way to his dorm, hastily picked flowers from the campus garden tucked into your arm so not to catch attention, blush covering your cheeks

-You talk and talk and talk, but not before you confess yourself, you feel the same and he’s over the moon, hands shaking when he asks if he can kiss you, and it’s just a mere peck

-He’s so cute

-All about acts of service and touch

-Wants to hold your hand, open the door for you, do the laundry, dust the house. Wants to show you he cares by taking care of things for you

-Takes you everywhere, favorite hang out spots soon turn to favorite date spots

-You practically live in his dorm at his point, half your clothes permanently live there, and you can bet there’s a 70% chance that if your not where you need to be your laying on his bed taking a nap

-His bed is actually hand made by some ancient sleeping good, you swear

-likes to take things easy and make you laugh

-He’ll tease you occasionally but if you tease him back he’s sooo shy about it and will whine about how unfair and mean you are ( he secretly likes it’s tho)

-Wants all the cute couple jewelry, matching pfp pics, matching bios, all of it he thinks it’s so cute

-Wants the whole world to know how lucky he is to have you, his love is just too big not to share

-supports u in every little thing u do

-will come to every last event u have with flowers and chocolate

-He’s sometimes an evil little shit, especially during Halloween holy hell

-Will trap u in a bear hug while he forces u to watch horror movies with him

-Drags u to haunted houses, makes u do couple consumed with him

-Did I mention He’s so cute bc he rly rly rly is

-as cute and carefree he seems most of the time, he can be a pretty serious dude so make sure to take him seriously!

-treat him well !

[xpeachesncream]

back to you | drabble (jjk)

↳ drabbles masterlist

yours (ft. the bands!couple) | drabble one: you’ve seen jungkook get angry, but this is the first time he’s ever let it out on you.

word count: 2.5k

warnings: cussing, implied sexual content, more fluff than anything

tags: @thebeebi​ @miinoongi​ @ggukkieland​ @preciouschimine​ @bluesharksandfish​ @unicornbabylover​ @ayujaded​

Jungkook steps down from the stage after performing Euphoria, aggressively throwing his towel against the wall in anger.

"FUCK!" He yells loudly in frustration, startling some of the staff as hot tears starting to spill down his cheeks. It's been a long time since Jungkook felt unsatisfied with a performance. He was so, so unsatisfied because of a small mistake only he could notice, however, it was big enough to shoot him down. All he wanted was to put up a good performance for the fans, for the people that paid money to watch them here, and he felt like such a fucking failure not meeting his end of it.

"Kookie, what's wrong?" Hobi follows after him when he sees the anger clear as day on his face, tears still coming down as his nose was beginning to turn red.

"Nothing." He mumbles as he shuts himself into a private room backstage and slams the door loudly that it echoes through the hallway.

"What just happened?" You ask Hobi as you jog over, unable to catch Jungkook right away since you had been busy getting Jimin ready for his solo performance. "He needs to get ready."

"He's pissed. I think he messed up and he's taking it pretty hard."

"Messed up?" You were confused because you had no clue what he was talking about. You caught the performance as much as possible, and you didn't hear one fucked up note or see one fucked up step.

"You know him." Is all Hobi says, making you sigh.

"Go get touched up, I'll go see what's up with him."

"He's in there." Hobi nods towards a room before he's jogging back to the chaos in the group dressing room. You silently walk over to the door, giving it three soft knocks before leaning closer to listen for any movement.

"I'll be out in a fucking second, can you wait?!" He yells, which catches you by surprise because you definitely haven't see him this angry since the night him and Jimin fought at the dorm and to be quite honest, you're still learning how to handle angry Jungkook. You open the door and peek your head through, hoping he could simmer once he sees it's you.

But he doesn't, and that's what fucking sucks.

He looks at you, and it breaks your heart seeing him cry. Your face softens as you try to come closer but you jump back when he suddenly gets up to walk towards the other side of the room to create some distance. You stay put to watch him, his back is facing towards you with his hands pressed firmly against his hips.

"Not now, Y/N."

"Babe, I just—"

"Did you not just hear me? Not now. So please go." You almost flinch at his tone, the way he delivers his statement.

"Jungkook, please let me in. Let me make it better." You come behind him, hand gently grabbing at his shoulder. For a second, you feel him ease up, but it doesn't last long before his walls are coming back up. He moves out of your grip and walks away from you while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It was such a stupid mistake." He says softly.

"Baby, whatever it was, it was a tiny mistake because we didn't even—" I guess this was your first lesson in dealing with angry Jungkook— choose your words wisely. Jungkook is such a perfectionist that he's incredibly hard on himself when it comes to things like this. No mistake is ever tiny to him. It all becomes a huge deal because he just wants to keep people happy. He wants to make sure he can follow through.

"See, you don't even get it." He snaps at you.

"Excuse me? Are you serious right now, Jungkook?" You cross your arms and scoff at him.

"That wasn't just a tiny mistake Y/N!" His tone slightly raises. "It was a huge deal for me!" He sighs and shakes his head.

"I'm just trying to help."

"Yeah well, you really aren't making this any fucking better. So just go, okay?" As soon as the words leave his mouth, he looks at you and instantly regrets it when he catches a small frown forming at the corner of your lips. "Shit, baby—"

"No, you know what? I might not understand right off the bat but I was gonna do my best to try and do so because I wanna do what I can to be there for you." You throw your hands up in defeat. "But fine, Jungkook. If that's how you wanna be, then go ahead and fucking shut me out." You fire back, annoyed that he's giving you hella attitude when your only intention was to support him.

"Y/N—" He tries to grab your wrist but you yank it out of his grip.

"Get yourself ready, you have 10 mins before you need to be back on stage." You avoid eye contact and slam the door shut.

"Fuuuuuck." Jungkook groans and hits the chair before letting out a deep sigh and making his way back to the group. When he gets back to the room, he sees you assisting Jin, your bottom lip tucked under your top lip while you bit onto it. He can see Jin's mouth moving and your head nodding, but he can't really make out the conversation with all the noise and chaos going on.

Fuck, he fucked up. All he wanted to do was tell you how sorry he was for snapping at you and for letting his anger out on you that way.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jin asks you softly, his eyes full of concern when he catches your wet lashes. He can tell you had just been crying, and has a good sense of why.

"Kook is being a meanie." Jin chuckles as you fix his shirt.

"He gets like that when he isn't happy with himself."

"I'm only trying to help though."

"I know, and I'll give him a good ass-whooping later for treating you like that."

"God, he's so mean when he's pissed like that. I've never had to personally deal with angry Jungkook like this."

"He pushes everyone away and doesn't know any better, but he'll learn from this. Let him. He needs to understand that he can't take his feelings out on you like that just because you're his girlfriend."

"Thank you." You softly say as you finish rolling the lint roller across his broad shoulders.

"Of course." Jin winks. "Cheer up." He gives your shoulder a good squeeze before he's rushing out with the rest of the boys.

The rest of the night is quiet between you and Jungkook, mainly because you're doing your best to 'let him learn' and avoid him even though it was the hardest thing to do. He had tried to subtly grab your attention every now and then, but you brushed it off and paid no mind to it. Halfway through, he had realized he just needed to give you space. Every part of you wanted to cling onto him like a koala and tell him how frustratingly and annoyingly cute he was, but there was also a small part that was still upset at the shit he said. You were still hurt at how easy it was for him to lash out on you like that, let alone push you away when he wasn't feeling his best.

Once the show was over and you and the staff had done a great deal of cleaning up, you finally headed home in one of the staff cars, the boys already back at the hotel resting up and eating. You quietly make your way to your room on the same floor as the boys, hearing their laughter erupting from one of the rooms down the hallway. At the front of your door was a small box of fried chicken wings and a bag of radishes, most likely from Jungkook. You normally ordered room service or grabbed Kook's leftovers, moreso cause you were too tired from the day to even think about eating a huge meal. You let out a small sigh, grabbing the box as you walk in and set it on the table. You take a quick shower, lathering up in some lotion before throwing on Jungkook's longsleeve.

Technically, you weren't allowed to sleep in Jungkook's room and he wasn't allowed in yours, but your boyfriend always does what he wants and never plays by the rules in the book [as we've learned]. He always finds a way to sneak over, texting you right as he gets to your door and slipping out bright and early the next morning. It was some high school shit, but you genuinely understood wholeheartedly why they tried to keep that rule in place during the tour.

Jungkook is just always gonna be stubborn though, which is why you hear him knocking loudly as if it wasn't getting late.

"Y/N." He keeps his forehead against the door. You sit still in absolute silence until he speaks again. "Babygirl, I'm sorry. Please let me in." You continue to sit in silence, a little torn on whether or not you should let him in or let him be for the night. Were you too quick if you were to let him in? I mean, the fight wasn't huge, but it was still enough to sting. "Baaaaby." He whines.

"What are you doing?" Taehyung whispers harshly. "You're gonna get in trouble." Jungkook keeps his forehead against your door and simply lifts a hand to Taehyung to prevent him from going on any further.

"Fuck it."

"Jungkookie, go back—" Kook points down the hallway, forehead still pressed against your door like a child on timeout.

"You go back. I'm fine here." Taehyung silently chuckles to himself before crossing his arms and retreating back to his room, listening to the repeated, soft "y/n's" and "baby's" coming from Jungkook.

When you realize he isn't going to leave, and you sure as hell don't want him to get in trouble, you sigh and get up from the bed to open the door for your man. You turn the knob and slightly pull back just enough to open your door and let him do the rest. You head back to your bed, not turning behind you when you hear him walk in and shut your door. He quietly comes into your view, but you continue to sit criss-crossed on your bed, scrolling through your phone while the TV was providing some background noise.

Okay, you might have been acting like a level 10 brat, but he hurt your feelings when you were only trying to help.

"Hmmm, baby." He whines and pouts as he climbs onto the bed and rests his chin on your leg. When you still don't pay him any mind, he sucks on his teeth and gently puts your phone down so you have no choice but to look at him. "Baby, I'm sorry." He sits up, his hand gently caressing your thigh.

"Do you even know what you're sorry for?"

"I was being mean. I didn't mean to take my anger out on you like that."

"You sure were being a meanie." You slightly pout, causing him to sigh in regret. He never, never wanted to hurt you. Yet, one quick moment of vulnerability and the first thing he does is hurt you.

God, he felt like a dumbass.

"Babygirl, fuck. I didn't mean to hurt you, I was just being stupid." He sits next to you and pats the open space in between his legs for you to fill. You quietly climb in between, allowing him to hug you from behind and plant kisses along your cheek, jaw and neck.

"Kook, are you always gonna push me away like that? Especially on days where you don't feel your best? When you don't feel satisfied with yourself? Cause if that's the case— how are we gonna work if you won't let me in?"

"No baby, no. I just— Fuck, honestly. I don't know. I felt so insecure over the smallest thing. I made it a big deal for no reason. I just wanted to look good for the fans. For you. I wanted you and everyone else to be proud." You slightly turn and cup his cheek, Kook leaning into it and pressing a kiss against your palm.

"They are so, so proud of you. Always. The fans, the boys, the staff. Me. You are so hardworking and dedicated to your craft. You are the most talented person I know." You sigh. "What really happened out there?"

"I messed up a note. It was subtle, but enough for me to notice and trip on the next dance move."

"There's always going to be room for improvement, babe. But that will never change the fact that your fans and the people around you adore you. They will love you, flaws and all." He looks at you before lifting your chin with his finger and placing a soft peck on your lips. He never used to care about how people looked at him, still doesn't. But when it comes to his performances, his singing, dancing— he's very particular and wants nothing but to please people. He just didn't know how to stop being so hard on himself, where to place boundaries. He didn't know how to differentiate between big and small mistakes.

"I love you." He whispers, thumb gently caressing your chin before placing another kiss against your lips. "I love you so much, and I'm so sorry for being mean to you earlier. I never meant to hurt you or push you away."

"And I'm sorry for being a brat back." He chuckles. "I love you, too."

"Deserved it, I'll let it slide." You giggle as he hugs you tightly, playfully kissing you everywhere that he possibly can. "I missed you."

"You saw me all night."

"I saw you, but you didn't come close to me."

"Which you deserved."

"Which I deserved." He nods in agreement. "Now I just wanna shower my baby in kisses." He continues to pepper you with soft kisses. "By the way, did you get the chicken?"

"Yeah, thank you." You smile at him.

"You have more?" Your smile instantly fades while you push yourself off of him and hop off the bed.

"You came here for my chicken?!"

"No! Obviously I came here to make things right and apologize." You bite onto your bottom lip to prevent yourself from smirking. "Just thought I could get a little bonus and snag your leftovers, you know?" His doe eyes were wide, lips slightly pouty. "Soooo, let me see what's in that box." He looks at the chicken box behind you and wiggles his eyebrows.

"Unbelievable." You joke as he lifts you up from the legs and gently [not really] throws you back onto the bed before running to your chicken box. "Jungkook! I will whoop your ass if you touch my chicken." He scrunches his nose, bunny smile coming into full view as he places a finger on top of your box. "Ugh!" You throw a pillow at him.

"Oh, so you wanna get fiesty? I'll show you fiesty." He rushes back onto the bed, tickling you into the sheets.

"You started it!"

"And I'm gonna finish it." He stares at you as you lay beneath him. "Off with your clothes, sweetheart." He whispers into your ear, causing you to squeal.