#i was not put on this earth to text!!! i am meant to be playing in a creek somewhere lol!!!! i am sick

[johndonneswife]

just a small girl in a huge world trapped under the suffocating weight of 137 unread text messages

[lovelytsunoda]

9 to 5 (what a way to make a living) // logan sargeant

summary: its y/n's first day of work at her new job, and logan is trying his best to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible.

pairing: logan sargeant x girlfriend!reader

warnings: logie bear being the bestest boyfriend ever.

author's note: no logan fic will ever quite match 'jolene', but in the same spirit, here is another logan x dolly crossover event :)

she had taken the clothes out of her closet the night before, the dress pants hanging from the bedroom doorknob, silk shirt pressed over the back of her desk chair. she had been so nervous the night before that it had taken two melatonin to knock her out for the night.

which is why logan felt so bad for needing to wake her, but if she was going to make it to the first day of her new job on time for nine am sharp, she couldn't sleep in any longer.

"princess." he hummed, gently shaking her shoulder. he could smell the toast from the kitchen, hear the soft hum of the morning show he had put on the flat screen tv. "its time to wake up. its your first day of work."

"no, fuck off." she whined, smacking logan's hand away. "i don't wanna go. you have more than enough money for both of us."

logan knew that was true. he'd been born with the metaphorical silver spoon, but that didn't mean his dad didn't make him work for it, and that he wasn't still 'working for it'. it was just in a job that was more highly paid than anything else on earth.

he also knew that y/n would go insane sitting around the house all day with nothing to do, so it was important that she went to work, found a purpose and made new friends. that she socialized with other people once in a while.

"come on, you're getting up. go have a quick shower, i'm making breakfast, and they're interviewing ryan gosling on kelley and mark this monring."

begrudgingly, she sat up, her hair tangled and her face marred with red lines from the imprint of her pillowcase. "i hate you."

"no you don't." logan laughed. "shall i go finish breakfast, or do you need me to stay here and make sure that you get out of bed?"

_____

logan was in the kitchen, listening to the morning show hosts play 'stump mark', and frying up the flattened breakfast sausages. the table was already set, laid out with fresh flowers, a large stack of toast, a glass of ice water and three small heart-shaped chocolates.

everything needed to be perfect.

he had even taken the day off to make sure that all the household chores got done, and that his beloved could relax when she got home.

she emerged from the bedroom, hair still damp but curled around her shoulders, the silk shirt hugging her torso. silver hoops dangled from her ears, and logan thought she looked beautiful.

"awe, logan. you made me breakfast?" she sighed, hands over her heart.

logan grinned, pulling out a chair at the kitchen table. "and lunch. and i made you a hot chocolate to go, and packed your purse with all the essentials. i'm also working from home today, so if there's anything you think of during the day that needs to be done and starts making you anxious, shoot me a text, i'm sure james won't mind if i'm only half present in a meeting."

her heart felt full, her skin warm. she took a bite of the breakfast logan had prepared to buy herself time to think of a thoughtful answer, one that meaningfully encompasses just how much this gesture meant to her.

"logan, you're too good for me."

in a world of crappy boyfriends, and ones that are sweet and funny and kind yet unattractive (and the ones that look stunning but act like pieces of crap), how did she end up with a man like logan? a one in a million, authentic, rich, athletic, funny, charming, caring boyfriend?

"no i'm not." logan grins, hugging her from behind and placing a soft kiss to the top of her head. her hair was still damp, and smelled like her pumpkin spice shampoo, even though it was the middle of spring. "you're too good for me."

"can i trust you to make dinner as well, or will i come home to a burned down house?" she asked slyly, turning to face her boyfriend, still twirling a piece of bacon around her fork.

logan laughed. "babe, i think i can handle it. kyle is gonna come over, we'll get the barbecue out and make an afternoon out of it. the panthers are playing today!"

he was so excited, she almost didn't want to ruin it by reminding her lover of what happened the last time he invited kyle over to barbecue something. they were fishing charred brisket out of the pool weeks later. having the kirkwood boy over at their house just opened a whole new pandora's box. one that she was always happy to be a part of.

as long as she wasn't cleaning up after them.

feeling her eyes on the back of his skull as he crossed to the other side of the table, logan relented. "we're not making brisket today! just a simple steak roast."

"sure. you say that now, but once you and kyle start drinking, you overestimate yourselves." she jokingly jabbed back.

"don't you have to go to work?"

"don't remind me! i'm hoping they'll forget i was supposed to start today."

________

at long last, and at the moment she was dreading the most, she was ready to leave for work. her purse was slung over her shoulder, packed thoughtfully by her boyfriend to contain a small bottle of sodastream water with berry flavoring, a fresh lip balm, her allergy medication, a printed map of directions to her office, and her car keys.

she paced the front hall nervously, resisting the urge to scrunch her shoulders and tuck her hands away into the sleeves of her trench coat.

she could do this. she was about to be a working woman. this is why she went to college.

but her bed was so warm, and that book on her nightstand really needs reading. and she's two episodes away from the finale of big little lies-

"stop looking for reasons not to go." logan sighed, hands in the pockets of his adidas pants as he leaned against the doorframe. "you're going to do great, princess. they'll love you."

"how are you so sure?" she asked quietly, avoiding his eyes as she brushed a few errant strands of hair out of her face. "what if i get there and i'm bad at everything, or my supervisor hates me and i get fired and it takes me years to find another job-"

"babe, babe. calm down." logan soothed, resting his hands on her shoulders. "look at me, pretty girl. you are brilliant and funny and smart, and way more emotionally intelligent than most people give you credit for. your worked hard for this degree, and you earned it. if they don't love you there, that's their loss. any boss would be lucky to have you. you graduated on the dean's list, for god sakes. you will do just fine."

she wanted to believe him. she really did. but there was still a small voice in the back of her head that just kept going on about what-if's.

logan pulled her in for a hug, gently running a hand up and down her back.

"you are going to do wonderfully. and if you don't? i will be your sugar daddy while you find a new job."

he wasn't serious when he said it, and he knew he had said the right things when y/n began to laugh in his arms.

"don't say that. now i'll never go to work. i'll just lie by the pool with my book and make googly eyes at the pool boy while you do all the work. you know, like all rich couples." she giggled, pulling away so logan could see her face, and fully tell that she was joking.

"i love you." logan said, cupping her face with one hand, leaning in to kiss her softly. "i'm so proud of you, you deserve this job more than anyone i know."

"i love you too, logie bear. and please try not to burn the steaks."

TAGS:

@magnummagnussen @libraryofloveletters @thatsdemko @sidcrosbyspuck @httpiastri @twinkodium

@clemswrld

@userlando

[sonderessence]

What abt a

e42 miles x spiteful blk fem spider reader

so what if miles (1610) cheated on reader with gwen (😒..) and to get revenge on him for cheating on reader with.. gwendolyn.., we get with his earth 42 self!

(if you could make this a series i would literally cry of joy.)

Angst for 1610 Miles (IM SORRY I LOVE YOU POOKIE😭☹️☹️🩷)

Fluff and Romance for 42 Miles (🤭🩷)

DONT HIT MY LINE! ...

1610!MILES & 42!MILES X READER!

WARNINGS: vulgar laguage (cursing), ✦ CONTAINS: 1610!miles being a bitch!!

a/n: imma be honest, i am such a gwen slander after the movie (still love her tho) 😒 but i so love this idea !!

layout inspo/creds: @hiimayee the best miles fic writer!! :3

NOW PLAYING: I HATE U - SZA

part one. ✦ part two ✦ part three

your boyfriend 1610!miles had been acting strange since he saw gwen after all these years, but you just shrugged it off as him being happy his friend was back in his dimension.

you never thought that your suspensions were true when you found your now ex with his "friend" behind your back.

you looked around the predominantly empty library in search of your boyfriend miles, who was nowhere to be seen. it was highly unlikely for him to be late to anything.

maybe something was last-minute? you would go ask his mother, rio, since you go to her for everything in the more frequent months since miles had been acting — odd — but you doubt she would know since her and her husband were out of town.

grabbing the pile of books you and miles you used to study for the test you knew you were going to fail, you scurried your way you the hushed library.

the sky was temperate, the perfect temperature for the park you thought, smelling the fresh, cool air — but focus! miles has to be somewhere around campus. you stuffed your books it your bag and made your way to his dorm, maybe he was still asleep?

you made your way to his dorm and softly knocked on his door, careful not to wake him. there was no answer. "miles?" you called to the door. again, no answer.

you pulled out your phone from your bag and went to his contacts. maybe he was sick or just skipped school? you had fussed at him the week prior to get more sleep, since he always came knocking at your window to late at night.

wait, should you call him? he's probably busy. and with that thought, you put your phone back in your bag and made your way to the morales house. it wasn't far from the school you two attended, so getting there wasn't a problem.

you knocked on the front door, once, twice. where is he? "miles!! you home??" you heard footsteps from the other side and the door opened to see miles who looked like he was in a rush. his hair everywhere and shirt backwards.

"hey! you okay?" you asked, your voice laced with concern for the boy.

"yeah." he said, his voice coming out hoarse. he cleared his throught. "m'fine, wassup?"

"you were s'posed to meet up with me at the library." you meant to sound playful, but your words came out more of a scoff. "look," he started. "i just forgot."

"forgot?? miles, you could have texted me! i was fuckin' worried about you!" you were furious, crossing your arms with a frown. "you done?" he asked with an eyebrow raised — you could see the twinge on annoyance in his eyes and you could hear it in his tone. "am i done?" you scoffed "are you done running off and not checking up on people??"

he didnt know how to answer that. "look, i'm hella busy right now, we can do the study thing or whateva later." he pinched the bridge of his nose. "fine." you muttered as you walked out the door.

a/n: how we feelin' about the first chapter?? i might have gone all out but part two is otw!

TAGS: @kazustqrzz, @kxllanxtdoor ( the tags are being annoying 😒)

©bachirasegoist, 2023 — do not steal or copy works

[ursemma]

Video games: chuck bass × f!reader

Warnings:

Being friends with benefits with Chuck Bass on a random summer break wasn't bad until you caught a disease called love. Willing to do anything to make him fall inlove with until you realise he's still in love with Blair.

Based on lana del rey's song video games

Swinging in the backyard

Pull up in your fast car

Whistling my name

Open up a beer

And you say, "Get over here

and play a video game"

I was swinging in my backyard, and I heard chuck calling my name "y/n" he came with a scotch glass in his hand, "wanna play our game?" i chuckled while walking towards him, our game meant a no string attached fuck.

Well atleast for him because it meant more than something to me.

I'm in his favourite sundress

Watchin' me get undressed

Take that body downtown

I wore his favourite purple sundress with a high slit, just how he likes it, "strip" he said and i started undressing under his intense gaze, hunger and lust flashed in his eyes as he kissed me, and the afternoon went just how we wanted.

I say, "You the bestest"

Lean in for a big kiss

Put his favourite perfume on

Go play your video game

"oh god you're the best" I said while trying to catch my breath. He leaned in for kiss and said, "I need to leave for work" I nodded at him and watched as he perfumed himself, "good luck" I wished him knowing how hard he was working, he gave me a smile and went for his work.

It's you, it's you, it's all for you

Everything I do

I tell you all the time

Heaven is a place on earth with you

Tell me all the things you wanna do

I sighed deeply as I knew he would never love me back, I did everything I could to make him feel something about me but everytime I try, nothing works out. The reason I agreed to this FWB thing because I love him.

I still remember the day i was hanging out at a bar where I met him. The only thing he said was "you look lonely, mind if I join you?" And that's how we ended up in his bed.

All he asked was for simple fuck with no feelings but having attachment issues really didn't helped a bit.

I heard that you like the bad girls

Honey, is that true?

The Upper East side was surely missing their it girl and the queen b, Heard the IT girl and the queen B are back in town from their trip to paris.

Well I hope S you've made your decision, surely you don't wanna walk down the campus single.

And as for B I heard our bad boy is single, but the question is his bad girl available though?

You know you love me,

Xoxo, Gossip Girl.

I sighed at the gossip girl blast, I mean she is true isn't she? He likes girls like Blair Waldorf.

Smart, independent, Queen B, pretty and beautiful, and me? I'm not even close to her.

Suddenly I got a text from chuck, telling me to be ready at 5, we've a party to attend, and my mood instantly lit up.

It's better than I ever even knew

They say that the world was built for two

Only worth living if somebody is loving you

And, baby, now you do

Is he trying? I don't know. I'm not getting my hopes high.

I got ready according to the theme, which was, saints and sinners masquerade ball. I don't know but I'm getting weird feelings of it.

Singin' in the old bars

Swingin' with the old stars

Livin' for the fame

We arrived at the ball and every one was busy dancing, and chit chatting.

I went to the drinks counter and drank whiskey, I heard flashing of cameras every where, you can see the paparazzis through the door.

My mind wondered to chuck. Where was he?

Kissin' in the blue dark

Playin' pool and wild darts

Video games

He holds me in his big arms

Drunk and I am seeing stars

This is all I think of

I heard everyone gasping, i went towards the crowd to see, chuck and Blair kissing and hugging eachother. His games.

I ran with tears running down my eyes and I ended up in a bar.

I finally calmed down, and decided to go home, but I bumped into someone and my purse fell down.

Him and I, we both bent down to pick it up at the same time and our hands brushed eachother, it felt weird.

I looked up and saw his beautiful ocean eyes and a smile that can light up the town.

"Hi I'm Nate Archibald" he said while grinning, and giving his hand for handshake, "I- I know, I mean hi I'm y/n l/n".

.

[jurakan]

Do you have any thoughts about who/what Tom Bombadil might symbolize/represent/evoke in Lord of the Rings in relation to Tolkien's Catholicism? (I am watching Rings of Power and extremely excited to see my boy Tom)

I'm going to be real with you: I don't know.

[IT'S YA BOI]

Tom Bombadil, as you probably know, is an utterly bizarre figure, given that he was first protagonist of some children's stories before he hopped into the Hobbit sequel as Tolkien was writing it. And in it, he isn't just some guy. He's apparently ancient, as in he says he was in Arda (Earth) before the Dark Lord's arrival from "Outside". If the Dark Lord in question is Sauron, then he's pretty damn old. If it's Morgoth, then that means he is as old as the Earth itself.

Which is! By the way! Supported by the text: as the Tolkien Gateway points out, he calls himself "Eldest," and the elves call him "First" and "Oldest and fatherless", and outside Eru (God) and the Valar/Maiar, no one in the Legendarium is "fatherless". He was apparently in Arda before the trees and landscape, which is, uh, basically as the world was being formed in Tolkien. In The Silmarillion, Morgoth is also the first of the Valar to flee to the world after it was created? So, uh... he's literally old as dirt. He also is apparently sinless? Or at the very least, devoid of obvious temptation, because the Ring has no effect on him whatsoever.

Which makes him hard to place from a Catholic perspective. The Valar/Maiar are quite obviously parallels to both pagan deities and angels, in a way that is clear to even casual readers. It's not hard to fit the Valar into that role, knowing the author is Catholic--"Oh, here are angelic figures that ancient men mistook for gods! Okay!" And you can put different events in The Silmarillion into those sorts of ideas. But Bombadil doesn't fit neatly into that kind of slot. Tolkien also wasn't too helpful, as he deliberately did not clarify Bombadil too much, because he thought that the mythic Middle-Earth needed some mysteries kept.

It is tempting to say that Tom's meant to be God Himself, given at one point Gandalf (I think?) says, "He is," reminiscent of God's name in the Bible ("I Am"). But given Tom's married, and Tolkien was devoutly Catholic (he sang Latin in Mass after Vatican II) I don't think this works. Some have suggested that he's an avatar of Tolkien himself, though I don't know where that's coming from.

This Aleteia article has this quote from a letter, but it does not say which letter, so I am not sure how reliable this is:

“I do not mean him to be an allegory – or I should not have given him so particular, individual, and ridiculous a name – but ‘allegory’ is the only mode of exhibiting certain functions: he is then an ‘allegory,’ or an exemplar, a particular embodying of pure (real) natural science: the spirit that desires knowledge of other things, their history and nature, because they are ‘other’ and wholly independent of the enquiring mind, and wholly unconcerned with ‘doing’ anything with the knowledge: Zoology and Botany, not Cattle-Breeding or Agriculture.”

Said article goes on to compare this to Saint Augustine's approach to knowledge.

This article I found compares him to a Biblical angel in his role in the narrative--though the author makes a point to say that he doesn't think that Bombadil is, in-universe, an angelic being (again, he doesn't appear to be one of the Valar/Maiar), only that he fulfills that narrative function. Which is on to something, I think--Biblical stories, and medieval Catholic legends, often have an angel appear randomly and help out the protagonist only to disappear and never again play a role in that person's life. In LotR, it's enforced, because when Frodo suggests giving the Ring to Tom, Gandalf and Elrond point out that he'd probably forget about the Ring, which is as dangerous as leaving it out in the open.

So I think--and I'm not a scholar on this, so take this with a pinch of salt, friend--I think Tom is something of an odd, medieval pagan figure (that is, an incarnation of the natural world, or an aspect of it, at least) that is being applied in a Christian story. Ancient and medieval legends did this sometimes, like Saint Anthony and the satyr or Sir Orfeo, because these people certainly believed creatures like fairies or satyrs existed, but tried to fit them into the Christian universe. Which is fair, I guess, because there's nothing in the Bible that says these sorts of things don't exist, so there's no reason a guy like Bombadil can't be running around out there, as long as acknowledges what the rest of the order of creation is (which Tom does).

I'm also tempted to draw some sort of parallel-like line (???) to Melchizedek in the Book of Genesis--a mysterious figure who is oddly helpful at the beginning of the story (Genesis), and also kicked off a lot of speculation. He is also sometimes seen as very old, or having parallels to angelic figures, or even God Himself.

I'm sorry this answer wasn't as helpful as something straightforward, but it's the best I could do.

[oddlyunadventurous]

Hey, are you ok? I noticed you haven’t been typing like a 15 year old teenage girl lately.

I mean you remember how it used to be, right? I recently went to a website from 2003 and it reminded me of you so much I started wondering whether or not you had forgotten. To quote a paragraph:

Let me introduce this little piece. You see, preps and goths are classic enemies. The preps attempt to bully the goths for looking funny, and the goths write angsty Livejournal entries about the preps in return. It's an endless cycle. I see the heated rivalry all the time at my school! So I figure, someone needs to mediate this war. And so I chose the greatest person ever - myself. Yes that's right, the preps and goths will be rated on a number of superficial categories. Are you ready for this extreme ride? This is based solely on the preps and goths I encounter at my school, so unless you go there, no challenging my authority!

It’s wonderful, I have to say. It’s so hard to describe the literary style of a child pretending to be a grown-up that a real example is the only way to make my point, like the Indian mathematicians who would motion at geometric proofs and exclaim “Behold!” in order to convince their students. Truth, certain kinds of it, to them, could really be self-evident.

Your angles also used to add up to 180° but since rigor demands a formalization in the scientific field of living your own life, I suppose you need me to type more, don’t you? Well rigor it is, really, and how is your back by the way? Do you need a stretch? See, I know. And I’m sorry, really. Look, everybody hates their life now. I understand! And I get that you hate looking back at how stupid it used to be, how gullible and self-important you were, how you thought everything was gonna turn out peachy. And then you got fucked. It’s really quite a slap in the face, enough to make anyone despise it. IT! The credulous past! Ah, but it! Who will sing its praises? Not you, you jaded idiot. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off mean.

Here is text that believes in itself. It holds opinions about meaningless things but is overawed at its own ability to hold anything at all. It’s amazed by its own humanity. It bounds around on the screen, irreverent and happy. It knows, just as well, that its humanity is periled, under threat. It hides its existential dread under a guise, the old childish habit of play-acting. Here’s a mask, now there another. A pretense meant to entertain, to take the mind away, rather than to fool, a sexless coquetry, a thinly veiled admission that one’s own trust in one’s own power is waning, quick turning, really, into a sort of desperate and pleading hope: Please, world, don’t swallow me completely! I know that everybody hates their life now. I know what happened. It is so traumatic that the literary scientists of centuries ago even created a whole genre - the coming of age story, the Bildungsroman - that is supposed to guide and encourage you through your painful, cringey adolescence. To me, I mean, it’s a bunch of bull. More than feeling like some sage advice, it feels like the whole of humanity rather is consoling you through some unspeakable grief, convincing you it couldn’t have gone any other way, assuaging your infinite disappointment with a shrug. You have a corpse in your memory but it’s okay, so do we! Christ. These people are insane!

Insane! Insane, I tell you! And you believed them! I really am afraid you’re one of them. You haven’t been typing like a teenage girl lately and it upsets me because I truly fear you lost it. What horror. Have you taken ill? How is your temperature? You know I care about you, right? And there are happy people out there, yes, but I can’t be happy because I am kept up in the small hours of the night thinking about you and how you might find it all intolerable sometimes. Do you even realize that there are goblins at the bottom of the earth? They dig a bunch of tunnels and kiss each other while doing it, and put pipes in the tunnels so our poop can flow happily into the sea, perhaps into a whale’s big mouth, like a water slide. Yippie!!!

See, that wasn’t so bad, was it? I mean it was, but look at you. You’re red in the face from second hand embarrassment because I typed something so incredibly stupid out of nowhere. And, I mean, it’s not even funny, I didn’t even try, I will admit. But you’re the idiot, there was no first hand embarrassment, I was too busy trying to prove a point. You used to be stupid and unfunny, too, and do you know what? It was the smartest and funniest you ever were in your life. If I had met you then, well, I know this might be an emotional blow below the belt kind of deal, but if I did, you may have endeared yourself to me, so much so that I would’ve become your friend. I don’t know about now. Now you’re 48 and you hate children, forgot where you came from, now you straight illin’, don’t fight the feelin’ you gotta deal with it. Tisk. I bet you can’t seamlessly integrate a Deltron 3030 lyric into your rant about, oh I dunno, why modern day marxists should read more primary sources, or whatever dumb shit is on your mind today. See what I mean?😪 Sorry, my autocomplete thought it fitting that I should flourish that last sentence with a crying emoji so I did it cause I thought it would look funny and it does. Do you need me to make you some soup, by the way?

It’s terrible, it’s really terrible, I’m shaking my head in disbelief. Preps and goths are classic enemies and you don’t even care! I understand that I can dominate the passive income market by making 2 ETH daily through chatGPT, I know that I need to increase my penis size with these 3 jelquing exercises, my fucking teeth are falling out and I’m so tired of worrying that I really am starting to believe, I’m caving in to the honeyed promises that Aquafresh’s patented formula of 23 selected spices and high fructose cherry taste can unfuck the terrible decisions of my past! But after a long day at the factory where you play Russian roulette with a 100-chambered revolver, cocksure that your chances of dying are statistically low while blissfully unaware that the lead-laden metal that the weapon’s body is composed of is slowly poisoning you through skin contact, I like to come back home (that’s the full name of the factory btw, don’t make fun of it), crack open a cold case of tap water, and think about how dramatic the goth and prep rivalry really is. That is because, for a 15 year old teenage girl, which I am not, I admit through week-old stubble, everything is monolithic and incredible. You don’t have to reach, like Gotthold Ephraim Lessing in Laocoon, beyond the mortal veil, to pine for the unlived past of the ancients, in order to experience that quality the Germans of his time so prized: the sublime. You have only but to peer down your own past and you will find that you, too, felt it. The goths and preps are, to a teenage girl, as sweeping as Greek myth is, as terrifying in their thunderous impression as the marble statue of man and offspring being swallowed up by snakes alive. She feels herself, like the wanderer above the sea of fog, a particle in a fathomless world she can’t help but humbly sing the praises of, after her own fashion, on her shitty Web 1.0 angelfire website. You are, au contraire, like the Wanderer above the Sea of Fog, able to be printed on a mug, a tote bag, or a unisex tee, or other items even, on an online marketplace the affiliate link to which I should’ve duly given you but have sheepishly misplaced out of my clipboard in the vain interest of keeping you around a minute longer, perhaps hoping that out of your own accord you will extract from memory, you will resurface, that factoid you once learned about the epic orators and how they would recite the works of Homer for twenty hours straight in front of captive audiences using these long and run-on sentences which - against all sense - should not have worked, yet through their innate and awesome gift of prosody they see-sawed with the spoken word, made sensible the world of gods and monsters to the simple, needy and alone in front of them, and so they brought them comfort.

Please go to the doctor. Or have your girlfriend give you a beej, look- I don’t mean to be lewd, whatever works for you is what I’m saying. Parenthetically, if your girlfriend is a doctor too, well shit, I figure, your chances of getting better have just doubled maybe. But anyway, I’m sorry, where was I? You have got to start typing like a 15 year old teenage girl again. It’s imperative, I beg of you. I honestly can’t stand talking to you these days and the thought of growing old with you around is driving me up the wall. Up the wall indeed I’ll scratch-scratch-scratch, and through the joists and there’s the attic, a fitting place to hide, for I will be able to look out the skylight then without you bothering me. I plan on learning how to visualize Orion’s Belt as many different-fashioned belts, adding and removing stars from the celestial vault as I wish, changing up the big boy’s style like he’s my little darling dress-up doll in a 2003-era flash game. I think he’ll love it.

By God I don’t know if we can be roommates for much longer.

Sincerely,

Me.

[hypnotisedfireflies]

Can you rank your stories from your most to least favorite? Interested to know now there are so many.

HA.  Omg anon.  Okay.  This will be hard so you’re getting an explanation under each as to why it is where it is on my list. 💙

1. Drifter’s Dawn

It’s the OG and it’s the thing that got me writing again. There are parts I would like to improve but I think I’ll pretty well leave it alone.

2. Spite

I feel bad putting this above Dusk but Spite accomplished a lot that I didn’t include in Dawn and wish I had.  Plus I’m proud of the little arc across this story?  Of all the things I’ve written, stuff in Spite is stuff I most wish had found its way into Dawn (excepting that one chapter in The Knight of Cups which I did then include in Dawn).

3. Drifter’s Dusk

First time writing Joel’s POV, plus Tess lives, blah blah blah.

4.  The Knight of Cups

So loved writing for Tommy and being able to examine Tessjoel from an outsider POV.  I also liked being able to extend the early days which I feel I rushed over in retrospect in Dawn, like the learning to shoot stuff, the caravan of people and the graveyard, etc.  This is kind of the stuff I most want to go back and write more of when I get the chance.  It’s quite a narrow period of time really, but I would like to explore it some more.

5.  Cassius blue

This is my least-read story which could be down to it being only two chapters?  But I like that it was just Tessjoel for the majority of it and I got to get inside Joel’s head at kind of a crucial time in their story, when he really started to drift away from Tess and become the Joel we see in TLOU.  You know, they’re somewhere they’re kind of safe, Tess doesn’t “need” him and he can wilfully or subconsciously disconnect to torment himself with the past.   This couldn’t really get much of a look-in in Dawn because it was all Tess's POV.  I also liked writing Sarah for the first time and making nature kick their asses.

6.  Blood Orange

Got to play with a different narrative style and that was fun.  Wrote this one totally different to everything else in that I basically wrote the chapters out of order and rearranged it – blocks of text and action into other chapters, etc.  Also it’s fun writing Tess fucking up.

7.  Shots Fired!

I really meant the whole prompt thing to be works of about this length but I prefer longer-form so this is likely to remain the shortest work at 8k.  Anyway, I was happy with being able to accomplish a lot in a shorter amount of words, ie, Tess realising she has family blah blah blah.  Also establishing some stuff with Ellie.

8.  The Last Day on Earth

I don’t hate this or anything, it was just a pain in the ass to write and the least enjoyable for that reason, but I am fine with the finished product.

Snowqueen of Texas and the Ensemble aren’t finished so they don’t get ranked yet.

Thanks for your question anon – I’d love to hear readers’ rankings of this series so far, too!

[archivist-the-knight]

[id: a 3 minute, 16 second clip from Slimecicle's behind the scenes video about staying in/buying the most haunted places on earth. it goes as follows: BEGIN TRANSCRIPT: [Note: Music is playing in the background that is of moderate tempo, doesn't distract much from what Charlie is saying however it is notable for a bit.]

Charlie: So the car we're in is a Kia Sole [as he says Kia Sole, there's a correction on screen with the words "*Kia Forte," indicating he meant the car model of the Kia Forte, which a png of also accompanies the text. as well as a jiggling sound affect.] I rented, that had a good four-second delay between the gas petal and [car engine revving noises] visceral acceleration!!

Charlie: It smelled so heavily of cigarettes, [on-screen is a Netflix content-warning style popup font that reads "Smoking is injurious to health / do not smoking" in caps, along with smoke being overplayed on Charlie's face] I'm pretty sure the AC was just second-hand smoke. And I am so glad we managed to get it! So here's the thing-

Charlie: So I booked, before i went there, a pretty solid rental car. We landed in this rural, West Virginia airport. Looked like a-a elementary school, or a library, that was converted into an airport. Because I think the only thing people in West Virginia have to learn [music stops completely] is how to escape their state.

Charlie: So we roll up to the rental booth, it's like 11:30, booth closes at one, [giggling slightly] no one is behind there, total ghost zone! And we're like, [The clip shown goes into black and white, a clock ticks as Charlie talks] "Okay, maybe they're on a lunch break." [kinda creepy music starts to set in] We wait fifteen minutes. We wait thirty minutes. Forty-five minutes. [Visual affects and clock stops, music is still present] Oh god! That's okay! Plan B! Pull up Uber! [Uber notification showing that there are no cars available] No rides found! You'd probably have better chance in West Virginia [music stops] running into the roods and mounting an elk.

Charlie [noticeable cut]: So we talk to the service assistance at the singular gate that exists in this airport and they say "Oh! Well that's because the rental people. [Black and white, zoom in] Like to hide. "[Silence, you can hear Charlie's air conditioning as he makes a confused face]

Charlie: They like to what? [Still imitating the worker] "Yeah, but if you go outside you can probably find them by the woods."

[Charlie looks at the camera with a very befuddled expression.]

Charlie: by the- w-

Charlie, continuing on: [Violin heavy, droning music begins to play.] At this point, I'm looking for an answer out of anyone. [Corresponding images to what he's bringing up starts showing on the screen] Unrelated employees, parents, children, wildlife, [images stop, cuts back to him] doesn't matter, we need a ride. And the thing is gonna close in like, twenty minutes. And while I'm running around, I'm also looking up different car rental places near us. And there is one. Exactly twenty minutes away. [the music has sped up at this point, becoming more panicked] I call them, I say, "Hello! This is Char-"

[imitating the person on the other side of the phone, music stops.] "-lie? You had a reservation."

[music starts back up as Charlie plays himself, panicked.] "Yeah, I (heh) actually just had the one car on reservation, if you could just hold that-"

[cut back to the person on the other side of the phone] "We gave that car away. [zoom in] we're actually out of cars."

[back to Charlie, desperate] "But you're a car re- [very small pause] i put a reservation. [echo] Why."

[back to the person on the other side on the phone, music has stopped. jokey] "Well, what can I say, country roads. [keys chattering sound as the worker makes a grabbing motion with their hand] Oh! Thanks for those keys, Paul! We actually just got one car back, Charlie, if you get here before one, we could probably make the arrangements for that."

[music starts up again, Charlie sounds desperate as it's zoomed in on his eyes] "It is 12:45, you are 20 minutes away by. Vehicle. [music stop] Stay on the line."

[Cheery, lighthearted music plays]

Charlie: I did not have a profile picture on Uber or Lift before this moment, [shows Charlie opening up his Uber or Lift profile, showing that his name is Charlie Slimecicle and his profile picture is a distorted photo of him smiling, made to look more goofy.] But you bet your ass I did now. I tried to put on the most wholesome smile, like I didn't want people to want me in the car, I wanted people to need me in the car!

Charlie: [black and white, eerie alleyway type music plays] And by the grace of god. A single uber picks up. Estimated time of arrival: 1:05. I texted him. I said, "speed." [a corresponding caption appears for speed.]

[Back to cheery music]

Charie: He pulls up, guy is super nice! 90 percent mullet, we get in his car, we race there! Turns out he actually married his wife in the Trans Allegany Lunatic Asylum- okay! I'd love to direct that, but I'm on the phone filibustering the single employee at the car dealership!

[back to black and white, eerie music plays]

Charlie: We get there, the time is 1:01. I reach for the door, I attempt to open it. Locked. I run around back- Two people, washing a car. A backdoor, yes, It has to be open. I rush through the garage, I open it. [Stock image of a guy] There he is, [shows the part of the stock image that shows the guy has a clipboard] putting the papers away, the last employee. He looks at me with a forced smile and suppressed southern rage, and I know in the moment of his anger... It means I've won. The vehicle. Is ours.

[Among us Jazz remix.]

Charlie: And that is the only reason we could get to the insane asylum.

[Cuts to one of Charlies friends putting directions in the google map tablet console as the main pull of the among us jazz theme plays. video ends.] /END TRANSCRIPT]

if you’ve never heard it before, PLEASE take a moment and treat yourself to charlie’s car rental story

[muse-in-a-box]

“Meant to be...” Prism and Pietro

Prism's body hurt. That's not something that happened often, something that she had assumed had something to do with her coming out part steel type from her weird parentage. But it certainly hurt at the current moment.

Where am I again....?

She had been on her way to visit her brother and her dad. It was a nice day out so she had texted them that she was going to go the long way around and pick up some snacks. But even before getting the snacks, she saw a group of humans trying to beat up a young looking mutant. And despite everyone and their mom assuming she was human to, she couldn't sit by and do nothing.

Pietro's going to be mad if I forget to get the Twinkies again...

She's pretty sure she's bleeding from several somewhere's, even if she couldn't fully feel the pain. Some part of her is aware of the fact that she's lost a lot of blood, and that same part finds it ironic that she's the one dying in a back alley somewhere, out of all her siblings and all their reckless tendencies.

Damn, Carrie would have a field day with that...

She hears footsteps approaching and opens her eyes (she doesn't recall closing them), seeing and processing a silver blur running to her, faster than most other people could perceive.

Don't tell mom, she'll freak out that I didn't go with any of my Pokemon

"'Etro- that kid- did they escape?" A bit of a dumb question, seeing how the kid was likely the one that got Pietro, but Prism has always been one to put others before herself.

A lopsided smile, not unlike the ones that Pietro and Magneto have, when Prism hears that the kid did in fact escape. "H-heh, that's good..."

Between the motions of their mind going way too fast for even herself to keep track of and the moments of pure stillness that drives her insane, she feels herself getting pulled into Pietro's arms, and the first words out of her mouth once she registered it-

"I'm sorry- Big Brother- don't think I'm coming back from this."

She registers the look of pure panic on Pietro's face, and she's even more sorry for dashing away any hope Pietro could have.

"Reflet- Want her to go to the school, have her learn to use her powers with everyone else around. I know she's young but she's going to need all the help she can get without-"

Tears suddenly well up in her eyes. I'm going to have to leave my baby, she's not going to understand why I'm not back.

A shakey breath, a vague effort of trying to contain herself. "Don't- don't let people tell Reflet that I fell asleep- that messes kids up best case scenario, worse case scenario it gives them false hope that whoever died can come back."

Prism, ever the smart one, always looked up things before they were needed, if ever they were needed.

"Have dad watch her- he'll need the distraction to not go full scorch earth on all of human kind. Momma will be fine- he might dissapear for a century or two but he'll be fine, eventually."

She feels herself getting cold, she doesn't know this but her speech has been getting more and more rambly as time passes, hands holding onto Pietro tighter, scared of what comes next.

"I'm scared- I don't wanna leave yet- Big Brother- stay here with me until I'm gone, please? I love you, you're my favorite big brother-"

Something that used to be played as a joke, considering that Prism had no cis male siblings.

Prism's eyes are going in and out of focus now, clinging to Pietro with all the will that she has left in her, which noticeably decreases by the second, regular person time.

If Pietro counts, Prism made it to seven second before her grip finally slacks, and her eyes close for good.

[serenhiscoxanimationpractice]

End of graphic novel project.

The finalised graphic novel, with all of the text and textures included. I also went and cleaned up some of the borders of the panels in photoshop as the ink bled over. Overall i was so happy with the outcome of this project, it really felt like an opportunity to be creative and experiment. I think the best example of this would be the result of Kes the Scottish deerhound,when i first started developing her character I didn't know which medium i wanted to stick with, but playing around with markmaking made me decide on ink as I loved how much texture and character it gave her. She's probably what i am most proud of within this project. Another aspect I enjoyed was the fact that the setting and characteristics were chosen at random, it really encouraged me to think outside of my comfort zone and I believe I wouldn't have been able to create this story if I had been given total freedom with this project. There were a few elements a found quite challenging, the background especially, finding the right balance where it doesn't pull focus and is messy to read but is also engaging for the reader and creates the environment of the story. I am pleased with the result of the backgrounds although scanning the pages in meant the digital versions of each age lost some of the tonal variation, and i think the digital version's backgrounds are a lot flatter than their sketchbook counterparts. Another struggle for me was the ending of the story, I already feared that the story wasn't too exciting and the characters didn't have major arcs, and was worried that the ending would be underwhelming. I came to the conclusion that I was okay with the story being more down-to-earth, and that the focus should be on Norm's friendship with his dog rather than a battle with the English, which ironically is the exact realisation my protagonist comes to. I believe the ending of the story really drove that point home and makes the whole story more wholesome. Lastly, what I would do differently if I had this chance again would probably be the layout of some of the pages, particularly page 2. This is the major conflict within the story and feel like making some of the more emotional panels (such a when he's yelling) larger, would put emphasis on those moments and have more impact on the reader. My closing thoughts on this project were that it was so much fun to create these characters, I feel like I have created a realistic world for them to live in and a good dynamic between the two, during crit for this project my novel met a great response and I was really pleased with the feedback I received, I feel like the hard-work I put into the project is evident and appreciated.

[liminalpsych-in-teyvat]

okay, so the Christian themes that Genshin seems to be playing with are heavily Gnostic and Western occultism flavored. (MHY likes their Gnosticism, it shows up in Honkai a lot too.) Western occultism, for example, has a lot of Christian flavor and influence while not being anything most modern Christians would recognize as Christianity. (I can go into more detail if desired, I studied with a Golden Dawn temple for a while, but it's tangential to this particular discussion.)

So my first thought on hearing this Childe = Jesus comparison is: What is the Gnostic concept of Jesus?

I dug around until I found this fascinating piece on Jesus Christ in Gnosticism.

(Disclaimer: Gnosticism is not my area. I am familiar with it tangentially, through Gnostic friends in the occult community and through vague curiosity from time to time, but I've not done a deep dive into it before. I know enough to at least weed out some of the more unreliable web resources (or more accurately, I know enough about evangelical Christianity from being an evangelical pastor's kid to weed out evangelical articles on Gnosticism). That doesn't mean I found the best or most accurate resources, just that I was able to avoid the worst of them.)

Some particularly interesting bits:

"In their own writings on Christ and his teachings, they countered that Christ had taught that the true God who sent him to earth didn’t create the earth. Creation had instead been the work of a lesser, foolish, and largely evil being. That being, the demiurge, had inadvertently mixed some bits of divinity in with his otherwise absurd creation."

"Docetists took Paul literally when he said, in Romans 8:3, that Jesus came “in the likeness of sinful flesh.” Jesus only seemed to be a flesh-and-blood human, but in reality he was a spirit that had a merely phantasmal body."

"The Gnostics had little but derision for the proto-orthodox view of resurrection. The Second Treatise of the Great Seth sneers that some people – and the text clearly has the proto-orthodox in mind – “proclaim the doctrine of a dead man.”"

"While the Gnostics didn’t disagree with that outright – they, too, recognized that people clearly could and did perpetrate evil deeds on one another – they had a radically different and expanded view of what “evil” was. For them, kakia meant first and foremost “suffering.” They contrasted the countless sufferings to which the material world and all of its inhabitants are subject with the bliss and invulnerability of divinity. Humankind was, at bottom, innocent, and thrust into this world of suffering without having any say in the matter. While evil was in a minority of instances a matter of choice, wherein one could choose not to inflict evil on another, at a more fundamental level evil was simply part of nature. Making better choices was, by itself, woefully insufficient. To overcome evil, one had to transcend nature altogether."

Here's where I'm gonna go off a cliff into full crackpost: "But the majority Gnostic position was one that modern scholars call “separationism:” the idea that Jesus did have a material body, but that his body and his spirit were two separate entities, such that no matter how many pains were inflicted on his body, his spirit never suffered. This made perfect sense within the Gnostics’ sharply dualistic worldview, wherein spirit and matter were categorically different, and even opposing, phenomena. In this view, the heavenly being Christ temporarily entered into and took over the body of the man Jesus. The Gnostic text Three Forms of First Thought declares that a divine power “put on Jesus” like a garment. The Second Treatise of the Great Seth has Christ say, “I approached a bodily dwelling and evicted the previous occupant, and I went in.”"

Hm, a material body that got possessed sometimes? What does that remind me of with regards to Childe?

That's right: The real Christ analogue here is the Foul Legacy transformation. /hj

I keep saying how I hate Christian references but it occured to me that Childe is literally a fisherman.

[textfromtheboyjohndoe]

Poker

Jeff looked up as Magnay entered the room. Well, more like cubicle, as calling it a room seemed a bit far-fetched. It had four walls and a door, but no real ceiling, more like a thin cloth tarp covering the cubicle. Thorace had explained that it was more for his own comfort than for real privacy, as the Fold-Dwellers usually didn’t have anything like this on their cubicles. The Fold-Dwelling itself was built more like an Adobe dwelling from the southwestern parts of what used to be considered the “United States of America” on old Gaia/Earth. Built into the walls and cliffs of a humongous cave, itself part of an extensive network of natural and excavated cave dwellings here on Jal/LJ59-8.

Jeff had become relatively good at recognizing the facial expressions of the Jalians, and he deemed that Magnay seemed sad or worried, “what’s wrong Magnay?” he asked. Magnay gave a small jump as if she’d been caught doing or thinking something that she shouldn’t have. “Oh! Sorry, it wasn’t my intent to disturb you!” she replied with a slight quiver in her voice. Jeff shrugged his shoulder and was about to return reading, when Magnay then continued “.. but if I may…” and waited until Jeff looked at her again. “Of course,” he replied. “I was wondering what the texts you are studying are about” she said and stood with her hands folded. Jeff laid the tablet against his folded legs and thought for a second “Oh, these texts aren’t for studying, I mean for learning anything special, or a skill” he paused “They are more like when you guys sit together and sing your ‘songs-of-lore’”. “Yes, but” countered Magnay “’The songs-of-Lore’ are about actual events, so that they will be remembered for our future generations” she paused “But according to Thorace, these texts you are reading are not about real people or events, they are fictional. Please explain how they are similar!”

Jeff sensed that he’d touched a nerve, so he decided that he should be careful wording his response. “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you” he started. “It’s true, that these are fictional, but what I meant, is that I - we, read stories like these to relax, and take our minds off of everyday happenings. Learning, chores, duties, and such.” He watched for a response, but then continued “Your ‘songs-of-Lore’ are recalling real events, but I’ve noticed you and others singing the separate songs or humming the melodies to yourselves sometimes. Usually when you’re more relaxed.” “Yes” replied Magnay thoughtfully, “No offence taken. But it is correct, some songs are more relaxing and enjoyable than others”, Jeff continued “See? So we Gaians don’t really have cultural or historical songs. We have historical documents, which can be really boring, so to ease and relax our minds, we listen to music, or read books, or play games.” Magnay seemed to be less tense but replied “I am sorry if I do not understand the sense behind it, but if you have games, we have these as well. Maybe we can exchange games and ideas sometime” Jeff smiled (remembering NOT to show his teeth). “I’d like that, really!” he put his tablet onto the table next to him and opened a small box next to his cot. “I have what we call cards, if you want, I could show you some games we play with them”, he hesitated, then added “but these games are also for fun, not necessarily for learning.” Magnay brightened a bit “I would really like that. Even we play sometimes ‘just-for-fun’ and not explicitly for education.” “Great!” Jeff replied, “Let’s start with Poker!”

[familyfriendlyweed]

late night snaps (quackity x reader)

a/n : before we get into the story, i wanted to thank you all for such support on my first post - i only posted it yesterday, and got a hell lot of likes and reblogs and even gained 23 followers, which is insane for me (or maybe i just don’t know how tumblr works, haha)! anyhow, i’m really happy you guys enjoyed it <3 

 it was 02:37 and you were editing your newest video. you had no idea it would take so long, though! even if you were used to staying up very late, you knew you have to put away your laptop and go get some sleep. 

 saving the video as a draft and shutting your computer off, you started to blindly search for your phone, since your eyes didn’t get used to the darkness yet. finally finding it, you turned it on to set an alarm for the next morning when you suddenly saw a snapchat notification from ten minutes ago. it was from Alex. you curiously unlocked your phone and tapped the little notification to be led straight to snapchat.

idiota : hello mamacita

 your face instantly lit up in a childish smile. you started to type your response eagerly like it wasn’t 2 am and you didn’t have online classes tomorrow. 

 you : why hello there, el señor

 you saw Alex’s silly bitmoji pop up as he started to type.  

 idiota : what is my chica bella doing up so late?

 you giggled, getting comfortable in your bed - this meant a long chatting session on its way.

 you : YOUR chica bella? when did that happen?

 idiota : ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!! >:((((

 you : fine you big baby, i was finishing editing a new video

 idiota : hmm i see, i see

 you : what about you though? u should get some sleep!!! :(((

 Alex’s bitmoji started typing, then stopped for some reason. you lifted your eyebrow at that. then he continued, but it took a while for him to finish.

 idiota : why, i just couldn’t fall asleep when you were on my mind all the time, mi amor

 your cheeks grew red in an instant. you knew you could handle jokes pretty well, but this was quite too much. Alex never got so far as to actually flirt with you.

 you : eh??? what drugs are u on

 idiota : the only drug for me is you mamacita

 you snorted. you had no idea if he was being serious or not, even if the second option was more likely.

 you : literally go to sleep wtf

 idiota : i’d sleep better if you were by my side ;)

 this was enough for you - you felt as if you got one more message like this from him, you’d die from the hotness in your cheeks. setting your phone down, you made your way to the bathroom before bed.

 you came back five minutes later, only to see your phone full of notifications from Alex. your heart was thumping really hard, you weren’t used to this, but you opened snapchat anyway.

 idiota : mamacita?

 idiota : ....

 idiota : mamacita, don’t joke w me like that

 idiota : did you really just leave me on read wtf

 idiota : i’m sad come back :(((

 and at last, there was a snap from him. you were quite scared at this point. with a shaking hand, you opened it.

 you laughed so hard that you seriously thought you’ll have a seizure. still laughing, you snapped a selfie with a cute filter on (you really thought you looked horrible at the moment), captioned it with “your chica bella had to take a piss u simp” and sent it to Alex.

 he opened the snap almost imediatelly and started typing afterwards :

 idiota : mamacita!!!! you look hermosa!!!!

 you : that’s because i have a filter on lmaoo

 idiota : mamacita don’t let yourself down, you are so beautiful :((

 you started to text a sarcastic reply, but stopped. for some reason, Alex seemed like he was being truthful. he wasn’t joking around when he called you beautiful, that was too affectionate.

 you : ...really?

 idiota : si, si! <3

 you tugged at your lip in a thinking manner. true, you had feelings for Alex, but you never thought he had something similar to you. or maybe... maybe he was just supporting you as a friend. figuring that was probably it, you texted :

 you : thank you quacker B]] ur also v handsome

 idiota : mamacita likes me!!!!!😍😍😍

 you smiled sadly. Alex was definitely playing around. you got lost in thought for a few moments, thinking about how would he act if he was actually in love with someone. would he, perhaps, be more mature? that would be very weird to look at.

 finally coming back to planet Earth, you looked at your phone only to see that Alex has written a shit ton of messages again :

 idiota : i want to see you, mamacita

 idiota : it’s fine if u don’t want to, you’re probably going to sleep anyway...

 idiota : but maybe let’s meet tomorrow?

 idiota : mamacita?

 idiota : ....

 idiota : i’m coming over <3

 your heart gave a leap of embarassment and surprise. why would he even say that?

 you : wait what

 you : wdym “i’m coming over”

 you : no tf ur not

 you : go to sleep

 idiota : doesn’t mamacita want to see muah???

 you : no, that would be awesome, but you should go to sleep, really :(

 idiota : y/n, i already told you, i can’t sleep when you’re on my mind

 you froze in spot, staring at your screen for what felt like an eternity. did he just call you by your name? you knew he only says it in serious situations. deciding to change your tactic, you started texting seriously :

 you : are you like... for real now?

 you : because i know you call me by my name in serious situations, but maybe it’s only a prank, so just answer me truthfully, okay?

 Alex started typing, it took even longer that before, but at last you saw his message, this time without caps, spammed question/exclamation marks, nothing silly at all :

 idiota : i am serious, y/n. believe me, this is not a prank. i just really wanna see you. 

 your heart skipped a beat or two, your face renewed its redness. you felt as if you were dreaming.

 you : okay... i’m really glad. come over, please

 idiota : thank you so much

 you started pondering in your head - how did this happen? how did this silly conversation turn out like this? 

 but what if Alex texted you because he wanted to come over in the first place? after all, he knew how shitty your sleep schedule was. that would be awesome, you thought, a small smile dancing on your lips.

 you checked the snap map only to see Alex about 100 meters from you. wait... what? 100 METERS??? was Alex near your place the moment he texted you for the first time?

 you jumped up, starting to tidy up your messy room up, only to remember you look like poop at the moment - hair messy, face tired, clothes scrunched. 

 exhaling heavily, you tried to change your appearance quickly - you ran into the bathroom, brushing your hair panickily. then you wrenched the makeup bag open and started to rummage through it trying to find some mascara or something...

 ding ding! 

 you froze, your eyes widened. he was already here, what the hell?!

 you quickly put on some mascara, ran into the hallway while brushing your face with your hands from stress (completely forgetting you have mascara on, somehow) and unlocked the door.

 Alex’s figure was dark, since the lightbulb in the corridor wasn’t working, and it almost gave you a fright. but as soon as he engulfed you in a warm hug, the tension in the pit of your stomach vanished. you hugged him back almost unsurely, but smiling.

 “hello, mamacita”

 you giggled. for some reason, you got the strongest urge to cry. probably from happiness, but it still was confusing to you. nevertheless, tears started running down your cheeks, mixing with mascara, probably making you look like you were going to a halloween dress up party. 

 “hey, why are you crying?” Alex asked, brushing a strand of hair from your face.

 “i look horrible.” you laughed, wiping your tears away.

 “nooo, why won’t you listen to me? i already told you you’re beautiful.” he said with a cute pout. 

 “alright, alright, i’m very beautiful, let me down now.” you said, noticing that he was still holding you in his arms tightly. 

 “whatever the chica bella says.”

 he put you down.

 “aren’t you going to turn on some light? i feel like i’ve gone blind!” Alex exclaimed jokingly and you giggled.

 “i’m like a bat, i hate much light, sorry. buuuut i could turn on this little lamp.” you said, making your way to your desk and turning on a cute little lamp the shade of warm pink.

 “perfect.” Alex said, eyeing you in light now. you thought he’ll make a comment about your awful mascara-stained face, but he said nothing, just smiling and looking at you in awe, like you were some princess in a ball dress instead of a tired college student in messy shorts, an oversized t-shirt and two different socks, because you couldn’t find a pair of the same ones.

 “perfect.” he repeated, shrugging with a smile on his face, like seeing you was everything he needed.

 you laughed and hugged him, muttering a “thanks for coming”. Alex didn’t hesitate and also hugged you, holding you as close as possible, as if he let go of you, he’d drown and would never come back to be by your side again. 

 little did you know, he felt the exact same way.

[waitimcomingtoo]

Dummy

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: Peter is the only one of the Avengers who doesn’t tease you for being a little slow 

Masterlist

Now you weren’t exactly dumb.

You were just a little slow.

When you joined the Avengers last year, the team learned pretty quickly that your mind moved at a different pace than everyone else. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing and it didn’t keep you from doing your job, it just meant you were the butt of most of the jokes. Every time one of your blunders happened, your intelligence would be mocked in some way. You knew it was all in good fun, but it hurt to it feelings every now and then. The only person who never poked fun at you was Peter. And for that reason, he was your favorite on the team.

“How are there 23 minutes left in this movie and I still don’t know any of the characters names?” Steve wondered as you all sat in the couch in Stark Towers, watching a movie on a particularly rainy afternoon.

“I think the main kids name is Phoenix. That’s all I got though.” Sam shook his head, just as confused as Steve.

“The dogs name is Benson.” Bucky mumbled quietly.

“Who names their kid Phoenix?” Peter wondered out loud as he shoveled popcorn into his mouth. The two of you were tucked into the corner of the couch, sharing a blanket and bowl of popcorn. You looked at him like he was crazy when you heard his question.

“Ummm, Joaquin Phoenix’s parents.” You scoffed and rolled your eyes. You turned your attention back to the movie as a silence settled in the room. You felt everyone’s eyes on you after a minute and looked around to see everyone staring at you with a dumbfounded expression.

“What?” You asked shyly, shrinking down a little in your seat in discomfort.

“That’s his last name.” Sam stated, chuckling a little under his breath. You realized your mistake and felt your face heat up.

“Oh.” You mumbled, your voice getting drowned out as the rest of the Avengers laughed at your expense.

“Did she really just say that?” Nat looked at the group with a playful smile. Everyone, excluding Peter, nodded as their laughter died down.

“Oh my God.” Steve chuckled. “That’s so stupid.”

There was that word again.

He didn’t mean it maliciously. Steve was the kinda of guy who ushered spiders into a magazine so he could let them outside. And yet, it still stung when he said that word.

Stupid.

You smiled sheepishly and tried to focus on the movie, snuggling closer to Peters side until it ended. You were fully aware that he was the only one who didn’t laugh, and you loved him that.

And maybe you loved him for a few other reasons too.

~

“Alright. Who has money for the subway?” Sam asked the group as he patted his empty pockets. You were on another late night trip to get cookies from a specific shop in Times Square, leaving without Tony’s knowledge. Everyones hands went to their pockets and collectively made a face.

“Not me.” Rhodey shrugged.

“I don’t have any.” Bruce added.

“I don’t even have pockets.” Nat realized.

“I have gum.” Peter proudly produced a silver wrapper from his pocket. “Oh wait, it’s just a wrapper.”

“You’re telling me we’re earth’s mightiest heroes and we’re broke?” Sam shook his head is disdain.

“I gave my last dollar to a guy in the subway for playing music.” Peter defended himself.

“What was he playing?” You asked him as you tiredly leaned against his arm.

“A mandolin.” Peter answered, making your face scrunch up.

“That’s a language.” You laughed at him slightly, feeling empowered by having the upper hand. Everyone looked at you and a few of them snorted.

“Mandarin is a language.” Bruce said gently, not wanting to embarrass you further. “Not mandolin.” 

“What?” You blinked in confusion and looked to Peter for answers.

“A mandolin is an instrument, dummy.” Sam chortled. You smiled tightly as the group laughed at your mistake, looking down to hide your blush.

“Oh. Sorry. My bad.” You laughed shyly as you tucked your hair behind your ear and pretending to read a nearby sign.

“That’s okay.” Peter spoke up in your defense. “They sound really similar. Plus like, French, French Horn. Who knows what’s going on?”

“Yeah.” Bucky said softly. “Or like, bra’s aren’t pointy anymore.”

Bruce nodded like it made perfect sense and Sam just shook his head as he texted.

“What?” You whispered to Peter, not knowing what he meant.

“He’s from the 1920s. He’s still adjusting.” Peter whispered to you out of the corner of his mouth before looking at Bucky. “That’s the spirit. Kind of.”

“FRIDAY is sending a car.” Sam informed the group. “This is never happening again. The cookies aren’t that good.”

“They’re pretty good.” Rhodey shrugged, but wanting the late Nate tradition to end. Sam looked at him for a moment before breaking into a smile.

“Hell yeah they are. Let’s do this again tomorrow.”

~

Bruce found you in the lab the next day with a pin between your teeth and a pencil behind your ear. Papers with drawings of suits were scattered around the table as you measured a piece of black fabric.

“What are you doing?” Bruce wondered as he took a seat across from you. You glanced up at him before marking a dot on the fabric.

“Mr. Stark asked me to help him with the new suits. I’m trying to make a fabric template for Nat’s gloves.” You told him as you smoothed the fabric out.

“Is it hard?” He asked, watching you intently as you worked.

“Not really.” You shrugged and took a step back to examine your work. “Okay. How many holes do we need? 1,2,3,4,5.” You counted your fingers. “Okay. Five holes.”

You sat back down and put five dots where her fingers would be to mark where you had to cut. You heard a slight chuckle from Bruce and looked up at him curiously.

“Did you just count your fingers?” He asked slowly, wanting to make sure he saw what he thought he had. “To know how many fingers Nat has?”

Your face burned when you realized how dumb you looked, in front of a scientific genius no less.

“Oh, Uh, yeah.” You stammered, feeling very insecure with him watching you now. You moved slower than before and second guessed moves you’d already made a hundred times. Bruce sensed your discomfort and got out of his seat, tapping the table twice as he thought.

“Have you ever heard the expression “the lights are on but nobody’s home’?” He asked you and you were grateful he changed the subject.

“Yeah, I think I have.” You smiled, proud of yourself for knowing something.

“It reminds me of you.” Bruce said so politely that you didn’t realize it was an insult at first. He left the lab to find Tony, leaving you feeling embarrassed and a little hurt. Everyone knew Bruce could hurt you ten times worse with his words than the Hulk could with his fists, you’d just never been his target before. You slumped down in your seat and continued making the gloves, your mood significantly dampened from before he came in the room.

~

You walked into the kitchen the next morning, sleepily rubbing your eyes. You pressed a chaste kiss on Peters shoulder as you passed him, also more affectionate to your best friend when you were half asleep. You smiled at Rhodey, who was seated at the bar and skimming through a newspaper.

“Did you eat yet?” You asked him through a yawn as you got out yogurt and fruit for yourself.

“No. I needed my coffee first.” He smiled sleepily at you and held up his mug.

“Oh, you mean your sugar with a spoonful of coffee?” You teased him. “Yeah, it’s good you got that out of the way.”

“I prefer it this way. The sugar wakes me up.” Peter defended his drink as he took a sip.

“That’s what the caffeine is supposed to do, mi amor.” You laughed as you ruffled his bed head ridden hair. He was about to make a comeback when his stomach rumbles loudly.

“Someone’s hungry.” You remarked. “Do you want eggs?”

“No thanks.” Peter shook his head. “I can’t eat eggs alone.”

“Well I’m here. And Rhodey’s right there, so you’re not alone.” You told him. “And I can grab Steve and Bucky. They’re just in the other room.”

Rhodey looked up from his newspaper with raised eyebrows and looked at Peter. Peter set his mug down and made a face at Rhodey that told him not to say anything. You looked between the two of them in confusion as you wondered what was going on.

“I meant alone as in without toast, sweetness.” Peter said gently, not wanting you to feel dumb for misunderstanding. “But I am glad you’re here.”

“Oh.” You faked a smile and shrugged like it was no big deal. Peter had handled the situation with ease and you didn’t feel as embarrassed as you normally would. That is until…

“You know, Y/n, it’s a good thing you’re pretty.” Rhodey nodded before going back to his newspaper. You froze with your spoonful of yogurt midway to your mouth and looked at him. He didn’t actually call you dumb, but it was implied. You looked at Peter to see if he was thinking the same thing, but his face had nothing but kindness on it.

“You are pretty.” He agreed with Rhodey. “But you’re a lot of other things too.”

You cracked a smile and rubbed his back for a moment in appreciation.

“Thanks Peter.” You said softly and went back to your breakfast. Not wanting to worry him, you ignored the way Rhodey’s comment made you feel and tried to push it from your mind. But no hard you tried to focus on other things, you had one thought prodding at the back of your head.

You were dumb.

~

A week went by without anyone poking fun at your intelligence. You had a sneaking suspicion Peter had something to do with the lack of comments, but you said nothing. It was nice to have a break from all the teasing and it made hanging out with the team more enjoyable. You all lingered around the kitchen one day, eating all different kinds of lunch when Tony came in the room.

“Eat up, funky bunch.” He clapped his hands. “We have a mission in Alaska to train for and I need all hands on deck. Cap, do you think you can teach Peter that spinny thingy you do?”

“I can try.” Steve looked at Peter and nodded.

“Great. I’m getting a manicure. I’ll be back around noon.” Tony informed you all.

“Wait, I thought you said all hands on deck.” You tilted your head at him.

“I did. Which I why I have to make sure my hands look the best.” Tony waved flirtatiously, wiggling his fingers around like a teenage girl. He smirked as his action was met with some eye rolls and a few chuckles before leaving the room.

“I can’t believe we’re going to Alaska.” Peter nudged you excitedly and you smiled with glee.

“Is Alaska the same as the North Pole? Or am I thinking of Antarctica?” Sam wondered out loud.

“No. The North Pole is all the way at the top. Alaska is below California. Like by Texas.” You said confidently, proud that you knew information that someone else didn’t. Your pride quickly dissipated when you saw the teams faces twist in amusement.

“Wait a minute.” Steve looked at you like you were joking. You shrugged, letting him know you weren’t. Sam burst out laughing and clapped his hands as the rest of the team began to laugh.

“Absolutely not.” Sam grinned as he wiped a tear from his eye.

“Yes it is.” You insisted. “Look at any US map. It’s on the bottom by Hawaii.”

You were getting angry now. You knew you were right this time and they were still teasing you.

“No.” Bucky shook his head is dismissal. “No.”

“Alaska is below California on every map I’ve ever seen. You’re telling me I’m wrong?” You our your hand on your hip and stared at them.

“100%. I am 100% telling you you’re wrong.” Sam said between his laughter. Peter came to your side and showed you a picture of a map on his phone.

“Alaska is US territory but it’s not connected to the rest of the states. They just put it below California on maps to show it’s a part of the US. Thats not actually where it’s located.” He said quietly. You looked at the map for a few seconds before you realized he was right. And if he was right…

You were wrong.

“Oh.” You smiled apologetically and averted your eyes. “Oops.”

You turned around and pretending to clean up the kitchen to hide your searing blush. Your fingers clenched around your sponge when you heard the teasing laughter from behind you.

“Sometimes I wonder how you made it out of high school.” Steve joked as he threw out the crusts of his sandwich. The comment stung you and you began to scrub the counter faster so you could leave the room sooner. Peter could see your shoulders tense and put a reassuring hand on your back. You gave him a tight lipped smiled before putting your dish in the sink.

“I’m still wondering how she made it out of first grade.” Nat teased you and she poked your side.

“I can’t believe she made it out of the womb in the first place with nobody telling her where to go.” Sam said, making everyone laugh loudly. You abruptly threw a dish in the sink, making everyone go silent. You tuned around slowly and faked a smile.

“Haha. Yeah.” You forced a laugh. “I’ll catch you guys later.”

You swiftly left the room before anyone could catch your tears. You felt stupid for even getting upset over it, but their words hurt. Feeling like you were always the dumbest person in the room was taking a toll on you, especially when you weren’t the only one who felt that way. Peter watched you leave with sympathetic eyes, feeling his own frustration bubble at the sound of the team laughing at you. He thought they had listened the first time he told them to stop making fun of you, but they clearly hadn’t. After seeing the pained look on your face, Peter made a decision.

It was never going to happen again.

~

“Ugh. I’m never gonna get this right.” Peter groaned as he messed up the move Steve was trying to teach him once again.

“You’re getting too much inside your head. Just let it happen naturally.” Steve instructed as he resumed his stance. Peter tried the move again, wiping out and landing on his side with a thud. You watched him out of the corner of your eye as you spared with Nat.

“I can’t.” Peter got up and rubbed his arm. “I can’t do it.”

Steve nodded, like he was accepting Peters defeat. You stopped sparing and looked at Peter.

“Yes you can. Come on, Peter.” You encouraged him. “Everyone told Van Gogh that he couldn’t be an artist because he only had one ear but he did it anyway.”

The room feel silent, as it often did when you spoke, and everyone looked down.

“Oh dear Lord.” Rhodey sighed and hung his head and he snickered. You could see everyone else fighting back laughter or cracking a smile, yet saying nothing.

“What?” You crossed your arms in annoyance, looming to Peter for help.

“He chopped his ear off after becoming an artist.” Peter said kindly. “He wasn’t born without one.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but Tony beat you to it.

“Speaking of ears, do you think of you shone a light in one of Y/n’s ears, it would come out the other ear?” Tony quipped, making everyone laugh. The tips of your ears burned as that feeling of stupidity sunk in again. You undid the Velcro on your boxing gloves and pretended to wipe sweat from your face as you rushed to the bin where the gloves went. You kept your back to the group and pretending to be putting your gloves away when you were really concealing your pained expression.

“Yes.” Nat jeered. “Yes I do.”

Your shoulders slumped with exhaustion as you turned around, making every effort to keep your face neutral. Your face didn’t give away any signs of sadness, but your knuckles turning white from how hard you were gripping the bin gave your true feelings away. Peter noticed this and felt his jaw clench. If you weren’t gonna tell them to stop, he was.

“Leave her alone, guys.” He commanded the crowd before looking at you. “Thanks for the encouragement, Y/n. I’m gonna keep trying.”

“It’s fine.” You nodded curtly. “I’m gonna hit the showers. I’ll see you guys at dinner.”

You walked out of the gym, pausing in place when you heard Sams voice.

“Hit the showers?” He laughed. “We just started.”

“Shhh. Don’t confuse the poor girl any further.” Bruce joked back. You looked back at the gym with your eyebrows knit together, taking a quiet step closer to hear what they were saying about you without you there.

“She’s probably like, ‘whats this magic closet that makes rain?’” Rhodey imitated your voice, making you sound as dense as possible.

“Knock it off guys. It’s not funny.” Peter snapped, but the teasing continued.

“Or like, ‘this shampoo says it adds volume, but I used it and I can’t hear any louder than before’.” Tony mocked you, skipping around a little like a child. Your face contorted in misery as they made fun of you. You knew who they really were, and they were good people. They didn’t intend to hurt your feelings, they were only joking around like they did with everyone. Steve was teased all the time for his old fashioned dialect and no one lets Tony live down the kimono incident. Still, all their insults and mockery cut you like a knife.

“Ahh, I love that girl.” Nat shook her head with a smile. “She’s so dumb.”

“She may be slow, but she’s entertaining as hell.” Sam nodded in agreement.

“I said knock it off.” Peter repeated, getting a reaction this time.

“Aw. Peters mad because we’re teasing his girlfriend.” Nat pouted and pinched Peters cheek. She quickly realized how wholesome she was being and punched Bucky in the face to maintain her lethal assassin persona.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Peter grumbled. Now that you were out of the room, he was the next target.

“He’s right. Hey, maybe that’s why you guys haven’t gotten together yet.” Rhodey shrugged. “She’s too stupid to realize you’re in love with her.”

That was all you had to hear. You ran towards your with tears running down your face. Thanks to Peters advanced heating, he heard every heavy footstep.

“Okay. Maybe she is a little slow.” Peter shook his head in disdain at the team. “But you guys are idiots.”

~

You were quiet the entire way to Alaska, keeping to yourself and silently looking out the window. Peter attempted to talk to you once or twice, but he could tell you wanted to be alone. The Avengers completed the mission within a few hours with minor damage to the area. Peter focused on his job but found himself looking for you every now and then, being as you usually stayed together during missions. He didn’t see you anywhere and assumed you were doing your own thing on the other side of the field. He heart rest assured when he saw you boarding the jet, still looking reserved and aloof from the rest of the team. You took a seat by the window and rested your chin on your hand, looking out at the bleak landscape in front of you as the jet took off. Peter didn’t engage in small talk with the rest of the team and wistfully stared at you instead, silently willing you to cheer up.

“I think that went pretty well.” Rhodey nodded and the team agreed. “But where were you the whole time, Y/n? Picking daisies?”

Peter held his breath as you slowly turned around. You gave Rhodey a frigid smile and shook your head.

“We came during a blizzard so I used my powers to create a heated force field around the area we were in to prevent frostbite and give you guys and easier time seeing in the snow. We were also at a higher altitude than any of us are used to so I kept the air pressure to sea level standard.” You said simply. “And I assumed there would be smoke from the battle so I rounded up the nearby animals and made a separate for field around them to protect their lungs.”

The room went silent, something you were used to at this point. But instead of everyone falling silent because they were laughing at you, they were impressed.

“Oh.” Rhodey blinked in surprise, not expecting the answer he was given.

“I also picked this flower.” You smiled proudly as you produced a Forget Me Not from your lap. Peter couldn’t keep the grin from breaking through on his face. You were the center of attention once again, but in a good way this time. Everyone was pleasantly surprised with what you had done and it showed.

“I didn’t think about the altitude.” Nat realized.

“I had no idea there was a blizzard.” Steve added, looking dumbfounded.

“Because I kept you from knowing.” You shrugged. “I wanted you guys to focus on the mission.”

“I mean, I knew. I just didn’t tell you guys because I was so distracted by my buffed and polished nails.” Tony twiddled his fingers again, showing off his freshly manicured nails. You all laughed, breaking the tension in the jet.

“Well look at that.” Sam looked impressed. “Y/n knew something we didn’t.”

It was almost a compliment, but it still made you feel insecure. You didn’t want it to be this mind boggling every time you did something useful.

“Thanks, Y/n. That was really smart.” Peter said softly as he patted your knee. You put your hand over his and squeezed it. It was the first time someone called your smart, and it made you feel good.

“It was really smart.” Sam said skeptically. He stared at you for a moment before poking your side.

“What are you doing?” You swatted his hand away.

“Just making sure you’re still in there.” He eyed you suspiciously. Peter could sense the attention was making you uncomfortable and changed the subject.

“Are we almost home?” He asked Tony before peering out the window. The flight was a little over 7 hours on a normal plane, but the Stark jet was much quicker. The flight would only take a few hours, but Peter was not known for being patient.

“Yes, Peter. We are almost back at the tower. You can get your diaper changed and your bottle as soon as we get back.” Tony sassed him, making him shrink in his seat. Your body language had completely changed and your were now sitting straight, facing the group. Peter was glad you were feeling better and didn’t even mind Tony’s comment.

“Guys, let’s be civil. We’re all tired. We all want to get home.” You said calmly. “Let’s just focus on how pretty the sky looks tonight. Isn’t is pretty, Peter?”

He gazed at your profile as you looked out the window at the stars, admiring how pretty you looked from the side.

“Yeah. It’s beautiful.” He conceded without ever taking his eyes off you. You shot him a smile before looking straight ahead at the dashboard.

“Wow, the moon is huge!” You pointed time a large yellow crescent that could be seen through the window.

“That’s literally the reflection of my banana on the windshield.” Tony deadpanned. He may have been right, but it still looked pretty.

“Should we make a wish?” You asked Peter, ignoring Tony’s comment.

“On the banana?” He asked.

“Yes.” You nodded. “On the banana.”

“Why?” Rhodey asked. “It’s not like people wish on the moon.”

“It feels like we should.” You said with confidence.

“Yep. She’s still in there.” Sam chuckled. And just like that, your confidence receded.

“I hate it here.” Bucky sighed heavily and tuned out of the conversation.

“It must be so peaceful being you, Y/n.” Tony remarked.

“Why do you say that?” You wondered.

“Because instead of thinking about your problems and mistrials, you simply don’t think at all.” Tony said suavely. In only a better for minutes, you’d gone from being the hero to the laughing stock of the group. The sly comments and taunting laughter made you feel like you should stop opening your mouth entirely. You faked a smile and turned back towards the window, tuning out the rest of the way home. Peter chewed his lip as he stared at you, feeling useless to helping you out. The team just wouldn’t let up, no matter how many times he told them to stop. Knowing you weren’t in the mood to talk, he scooted closer to you and put a comforting hand on your back. You smiled warmly at him and rested your head on his shoulder, listening to him point out the constellations the whole way home.

~

The next day, you and Peter were sitting in the balcony, working on some new gadgets for Mr. Stark when Peter made a startling discovery.

“Where’s my right web shooter?” Peter stood up in a panic when he realized it was missing. “I left it right here.”

“Maybe a bird carried it off.” You shrugged as you twisted a tiny screw into Peters left web shooter.

“I’m being serious, Y/n.” Peter stated. “Mr. Stark is going to kill me and turn me into a decorative rug if I lost it.”

“I’m being serious too. We live in New York and I see birds around here all the time.” You told him as you continued your work. “And you know the pigeons here are feral. A bird probably stole it to pay for his child support.”

Peter usually entertained your antics and joined in with his own batch of sarcasm, but he wasn’t in the mood. His web shooter was missing and their were actual stakes involved. Without his web shooter, he couldn’t be Spiderman. And without Spider-Man, he couldn’t be an Avenger.

“Can you be serious for once?“ Peter whined, picking up everything on the table to look under it.

“I’m just saying it’s possible, Peter. You never know.” You insisted as you put your screw driver down to help him look. You began looking in the flower pots on the windowsill that you and Peter had planted. Peter stopped his search for a moment, growing angry with you for wasting time. He didn’t know if you were joking around or genuine believed his web shooter was in the flower pots, but it made him frustrated nonetheless. A combination of his lack of sleep and stress over losing the webshooter manifested into a moment of unchecked rage.

“No, it’s not possible.” He snapped. “A bird didn’t steal my web shooter. God, do you have to be so stupid?” 

 The word hung in the air for a moment, settling in to the both of you. Peters eyes immediately softened, feeling instant regret for what he had said. You stopped trifling through the plants and slowly turned around.

“What?” You asked quietly. Peter tightened his lips into a line and tried to justify what he had said.

“I try to defend you but you make it so hard. Can you help me out a little here and not be so…” He trailed off when he realized he had only made it worse. Your face hardened and you looked disappointed in Peter, which killed him. He would have preferred anger or even sadness, but the disappointment killed him.

“So what?” You shrugged. “Finish your sentence Peter.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“No, really, go ahead.” You stated coldly. “You got this far. So what, Peter?”

He looked at you for a moment, getting that feeling of wishing you could turn back time just a few seconds to fix a mistake.

“So dumb all the time.” He finished his sentence with an unsteady voice. Your face scrunched up in a pained expression as you sucked in and let out a shaky breath.

“You were the only one who never called me that.” You whimpered before moving past him and going inside. Peter watched you through the open balcony doors as you disappeared into the hallway with a heavy heart. His mouth was open to apologize, but you were long gone. He’d seen you being ridiculed so many times already, and now he was the one doing it. All that talk about it never happening again, only for him to be the reason it happened. Peter couldn’t live with himself for another minute without you knowing how sorry he was. He took a step towards the doorway until he heard a pigeon land on the table. He watched it curiously for a moment as it pecked at the screwdriver you had been using before picking it up with its beak. It flew over to the edge and began to walk along the railing, still keeping the screwdriver in his mouth. Peter followed the pigeon, walking all the way down the balcony to find a large nest in the corner. He watched as it dropped the screwdriver into its nest, right next to his web shooter.

“Holy shit. A bird stole my web shooter.” Peter said in disbelief. Peter watched as baby pigeons poked out from inside the web shooter to greet the other pigeon.

“Holy shit. A bird stole my web shooter for his kids.” Peters eyes widened even more than they already were. Realized struck him and his shoulders slumped.

“She was right.” He mumbled, angry at himself more than ever. “I yelled at her and she was right.”

Peter wasted no time in rescuing his web shooter from the birds, offering them a nice biodegradable coffee cup in its place, and ran to the kitchen to make you a peace offering. He knocked softly on your door and didn’t wait for an answer before going in.

“I made you this cup of tea as an apology.” Peter stiffly held out a mug with an awkward smile on his face. You looked at Peter from your bed, eyes puffy like you had been crying. You stared at each other for a long time, you with a death glare and Peter with his awkward smile. Neither of you said a word as Peter continued to hold out the mug. After two full minute of silence, a bead of sweat ran down Peters face as he looked around nervously, never breaking his smile. You let out an angry sigh and decided to throw him a bone, crossing the room to accept his mug. You looked into the cup for a moment before looking back at Peter.

“This is empty.” You deadpanned.

“I don’t know how to make tea.” Peter whispered, never breaking eye contact.

“I’ve seen you make it.” You snapped.

“I forgot how to do it.” Peters eyes shifted nervously to the side.

“Bucky was in the kitchen, wasn’t he?”

“I know he hates me.” Peter talked over you as you groaned. “I know he does.”

“Just go away.” You tried to close the door but he kept it open.

“No.” Peter said firmly. “I came in here to apologize.”

“You see this?” You held up the mug for a Peter to see. “It’s my cup of care. And look at that” ,you dumped the cup over, “it’s empty.”

Peter stared at your demonstration with raised eyebrows, surprised that you were still able to be sarcastic when he hurt you. Peter took the mug from your hands and set it on the ground before slowly looking up at your face.

“You’re not stupid.” He said softly with all the sincerity his heart could give. You scoffed and folded your arms, looking to the side when you felt tears sting your eyes.

“Yes I am.” You said like you fully believed it, which was Peters worse fear. “Everyone says so. Even you.”

It hit Peter like a sheet of glass when you looked at him like that.

Like he was someone you didn’t want around.

“I didn’t mean to say that.” Peter apologized. “That is not how I feel. At all.”

“Don’t act like you’ve never thought about saying that before.” You laughed sadly. “Everyone on the team calls me dumb. It was only a matter of time before you did it too.”

“I didn’t mean it.” Peter repeated. “I don’t think you’re stupid.”

“Bullshit.” You snapped. “You’re so full of bullshit.”

“I’m not full of bullshit.” He whined like a child and gave you puppy dog eyes. “I’m full of regret.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek as he gave you his best pout, willing you to forgive him. Finally, you caved and cracked a smile.

“I hate you.” You stamped your foot and hung your head, frustrated with yourself for not being able to stay mad at him. Peter opened his arms and you walked into them, arms still folded angrily. You bumped your forehead against his shoulder before moving to rest your chin on it as he wrapped his arms around you. Peter nestled against your hair and sighed, happy that you had forgiven him but still saddened that he had hurt you in the first place. He could see the pile of used tissues on your bed and it killed him to know he made you cry.

“I didn’t mean to call you that. I really didn’t.” He said softly. “I’m the one who’s been trying to stop people from saying that.”

“But they still do it.” You sniffled. “Everyday I get called dumb or stupid or scalene.”

“I think it’s obtuse, not scalene.” Peter reluctantly corrected you. You pulled away and little and let Peter wipe the tears from your face.

“Maybe they’re right.” You shrugged and looked Peter in the eyes. “Maybe I am dumb.”

Peter kept your face between his hands, staring at you for a moment before sighing.

“I once sneezed so many times in a row that I peed my pants.” Peter deadpanned. “I was 17.”

“What?” You chuckled as you wiped your nose.

“I saw Bucky try to take a piece of toast out of the toaster with his metal arm and electrocute himself.” He continued. “And I constantly see Tony bumping into glass doors.”

“I don’t understand.” You squinted your eyes, but sure what point he was trying to make.

“Steve still picks up the phone and asks for the operator. Nat leaves her curling iron plugged in all the time. I do not think Sam knows the address of where we live and I’m pretty sure Rhodey can’t do laundry. He gets all his stuff dry cleaned, even his socks.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” You asked.

“Because were all dumb.” Peter concluded. “We all do and say dumb things. You don’t know where Alaska is and no one in this tower can read analog clocks. If we’re all dumb, then maybe none of us are dumb. Or we all are. Who cares?” Peter shrugged, making you laugh. “And you were right. A bird did carry off my web shooter. So no, you’re no dumb. Or stupid. Or obtuse. You’re, uh, you- you…” Peter looked down at he fumbled over his words.

“I’m what?” You raised an eyebrow. You could finish his sentence last time, but this time you were lost.

“You’re…” Peter tampered off again, staring at your confused expression for a moment before pulling you into a kiss. Your hands clenched into a fist and slowly uncurled as you relaxed into the kiss. Peter pulled away too soon and let his eyes flutter open. They met yours and you shared a moment of hesitation, not knowing what happened rest next.

“I’m gonna be honest lovey, I didn’t really have an ending to that sentence.” Peter chris joes softly, his breath fanning your face. “That was mainly improv.”

“You’re pretty good at improv, Parker.” You cracked a smile and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I did a little bit of theater in high school.” He shrugged smugly, making you giggle.

“Mmm. I severely don’t want to hear about that.” You teased before kissing him again.

“Oh, I think you do.” Peter remarked. “Because I once went to the bathroom during intermission with my mic still on and the entire audience heard me peeing.”

“Oh my God.” You laughed. “You’re so stupid.”

Tag List 🏷

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[kkusuka]

Haikyuu poly headcannons!! <33

 Pairs: Kageyama & Hinata, Oikawa & Iwaizumi, Ushijima & Tendo, Sakusa & Atsumu, Kurro & Kenma, and finally Bokuto & Akaashi. 

part 2

Sfw AND Nsfw 

Slight time skip spoilers!!!

let me know what you want to see next

word count: 2.6K I got a bit carried away. lol

FEMALE READER

Kageyama Tobio  and Hinata Shoyo

Sfw

It's a constant fight for attention

They are polar opposites, Hinata is warm and energetic while Kageyama is confused and awkward, but  they both love you so much it hurts.

How you got together was kind of a funny story, you and Hinata knew each other from middle school and reconnected when you met at a local mall in tokyo. So when you and Hinata started hanging out more he couldn't help but brag to Kageyama about it, which led to him wanting to meet you and thus began the year long fight for your love. 

You couldn't choose between them so they came to the decision that they would just share you!

Your dynamics are pretty simple, you spend as much time with whoever is not at practice at the time, lucky they have two completely different practice schedules, Hinata in the morning and Kageyama in the afternoon.

That meant cuddling with Kags in the morning and cooking lunch with Hinata in the afternoon. 

You guys also have a weekly date night! You have a rotation of who gets to choose what they want to do. 

Unsurprisingly Hinata likes volleyball inspired dates, but he also likes the movie and picnic dates!

Kageyama is a bit more romantic, shockingly (he read a dating book), like romantic dinners and late night walks , shopping, anything to see you happy.

They also love anything you want to do, stay in? They make popcorn for movies. Dinner? Where, what and when should they make a reservation. 

They are literally so whipped for you.

Nsfw

Oh~ ho ho~

I am a firm believer that these two are switches. 

Hinata is a bit more submissive than Kags (for the most part), but he has his moments. 

And i have this thing where Kags makes you and Hinata fuck while he watches biut votgh of you are power bottoms.

Toys toys toys

I'm talking double ended dildos and vibrators galore.

Punishments are usually for Hinata and consist of you riding Kags while he watches, and its absolute torture.

They also have nights where they have you alone and those are sweet and romantic, rose petals and candles. 

It's never boring <33

“Tobio, doesn't she look so pretty?” 

“God Shoyo you’ll cum in your pants if you grind like that” 

“ go fuck yourself on the fucking dldo like a slut” 

Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime 

Sfw

There are two ways that this happened

1. You grew up with them and slowly fell in love through your life, and you all got together in highschool

Or 

2. You met Oikawa in Argentina, literally fell in love at first sight, stars in your eyes. This led to him bringing you back to Japan, which led to you meeting “Iwa-chan” (who looked much more beautiful in person). After hanging out everyday for about 3 weeks Oikawa bright up the idea of sharing

And here you are! 

You guys are all similar but you share personal things with each boy

With oikawa you have the obsession with aliens and you too even have a beauty routine that you do every night before bed.

With Iwaizumi you, of course, make fun of Oikawa at every waking moment. But! You also do all different kinds of exercise with him. You have a monthly yoga class and a swim aerobics program every other tuesday! 

These two spoil you so much it's ridiculous.

Perfumes, jewelry, clothes and even gaming things.

They will get you anything even if you don't want it (and they are rolling in cash so it doesn't really matter.) 

Nsfw

Iwaizumi rules the bedroom.

And as much as Oikawa pretends to be the top, he falls apart the second you kiss him neck. 

Favorite position?

Simple. It can go two ways.

Oikawa laying on his back, Iwa fuking him into heaven and you sitting on his face OR you on your stomach ass up with Iwa between your legs and Oikawa's dick in your mouth. 

The only real times Oikawa is in you is when Iwazumi wants to see both of you be pathetic sluts, or when Oikawa is being punished, mostly cockwarming while he is tied and not able to thrust in you.

 Double penetration?

 Your punishment.

Whine and cry all you want neither of them are slowing down, this is really the only time Oikawa is dominant in the bedroom

“Aw, Tooru, look at her! So pathetic!”

“You look like two whores trying to fuck, Harder brats” 

“Oh! Iwa her throat gets tighter when you do that!” 

Ushijima Wakatoshi and Tendo Satori

Sfw

Oh bby how did you get so lucky?

You have the best of both worlds!

Tendo, who you can joke around and cook with.

And Ushijima, your pillar and voice of reason. 

This relationship was 100% started by Tendo. No question. He saw you and decided right then and there that you were his, and what kind of best friend would he be if he didn't share with Wakatoshi! 

Thank god you were willing to do this, it would have Broken Satori AND Wakatoshis heart :((

This WAS the best decision of your life. 

Your first date as a threesome was so cute, it started with walking around tokyo and you stopped and ate in a small cafe. You begged them to pay and they didn't let you so this became a game to see if you could ever find a way to pay before them.(you're still failing to this day) 

After the cafe they took you to a small beach that had a little volleyball net set up. Insert uwus here

They taught you how to play, the basics if you didn't already know, and you guys played around until it was 2am 

All of your dates are different but they either end like that or cuddling on the couch wachting movies. OR you know ;))

Nsfw

UHHH there are two ways this could go. 

You being absolutely ruined by these two. Both being pretty big, they easily overpower you. 

Tendo also has the obsession with being in your ass while ushijima rips your poor pussy apart. 

Sadist tendo also makes a slight appearance, not letting yu cum for hours then making you cum over and over and over again

Or 

Mr. Tendo controls what you and Toshi do! 

Trust me Wakatoshi is still controlling you every waking second, but having Tendo tell him what to do (being slightly unaware of what to do anyway) gets him off just as much as you. 

And when he’s feeling more adventurous, Tendo has kept you and Ushijima on literal leashes at his feet while he just chilled out. (i literally love this so much-)

You guys do a lot of exploring!

“Harder Toshi, the slut can take it”

“” we don't have enough dicks to fill all your holes” 

“Satori! Please!” “Shhh, floor whores don't get to talk” 

Sakusa Kiyoomi and Miya Atsumu

My #2 pair 

DAMN, i can't even put how whipped they are for you in words. 

You defiantly knew Sakusa first. 

You two met in the supermarket, much to his displeasure he had to shop for himself, it was the classic strangers to lovers trope 

You both reached for the same countertop cleaner! 

To both of your shock you touched his hand and immediately started to apologize to him (he couldn't even reply because he was so stunned by your beauty) 

He snapped back and started to interrogate you about what cleaning products you use, you both didn't even realize how much time passed with you just talking about how you clean.

Eventually you exchanged numbers and texted almost all day.  

This led to him texting you back every chance he had during practice breaks, but he never told you he was a professional volleyball players AND happened to be on one of the top teams in the country, (you found out when he randomly followed you on instagram)

Eventually he got sloppy and Atsumu looked at his phone and found your number! Aren't you lucky ;) almost immediately after he started to question Sakusa about you

Who is she?

Where did you meet?

Is she pretty?

Gimmie her number Omi, i wanna know her too!

Eventually Atsumu just stole his phone and started to non-stop call you. 

“Uh Kiyo? This guy keeps calling me and asking me questions about you.”

“Ignore it” 

It got so bad that when you officially met atsumu he had followed Sakusa to your meeting spot, and you hit it off! (much to Kiyoomi’s disdain) 

After a few months, and a lot of talks, all three of you entered a relationship!

Your dynamic was great! You were clean like Sakusa and fun like Atsumu!

Perfect!

Another spoiling group, it's like they just know what you want. It doesn't even matter what you think :// no take backs :))

Plus you have girl time when they are at practice, a good time to plan surprises ;)

You even got Atsumu into skin and hair care (kiyoomi approves) 

You are literally perfect (and the hottest couple in the planet) 

Nsfw

Sakusa is in control.

No question.

He wants ti fuck you? Done.

He wants to watch you play with yourself. Already rubbing circles on your clit. 

He wants you to ride Atsumu until you squirt? You're bouncing on Atsumu Cumming and cumming. 

Believe it or not Sakusa AND Atsumu love messy blowjobs, seeing you slobber all over yourself and their cocks is the most beautiful thing to them. 

Atsumu also has the dirtiest most vulgar mouth on earth, will not spare your feelings one bit. 

But that doesn't even measure up to how Kiyoomi speaks to you. He has no shame is telling you that they are going to let everyone on the team fuck you senseless. 

Sakusa also loves to punish you and Atsumu for literally anything, he will tie you to each other and put vibrators in your holes and just watch you  two desperately grind on each other to get relief that just won't come. 

(they both love to ruin your orgasm too) 

“Go Whore i know you can bounce faster than that” 

“Look at her Omi! Isnt she the best little cumdump? Yes you are! Yes you are!” (pls he treats you like a pet) 

“Hey Miya. Wouldn't shugo just love to have her on her knees for him? I think we should let her sometime” 

I would do anything for these two- 

Kuroo Tetsuro and Kozume Kenma

Oh? You're the most spoiled pet in the world?

You definitely grew up together, aka you've had both of them wrapped around your finger since you were 8.

 You guys probably started dating after you accidentally let it slip that you were in love with the both of them. 

After you all confessed and talked for hours, you were officially dating!

Not much has changed, but they were more affectionate and loving and more physical with you. 

Your dates are really random, all the varying schedule and all. 

They take you to anime cafes and gaming cafes and ALL the different cafes. 

They always tell you you don't have to work but you feel bad so you started a makeup channel on youtube! And of course you were a sensation! 

You and Kenma make little collab videos and were voted as the cutest couple of the year! 

But that doesn't1 mean you aren't involved in Kuroos life just as much! 

You help him get ready every morning, he just “can't” tie his tie even after doing it since highschool. 

You make him a unique bento everyday! 

You even buy him little chemistry sets whenever you see that a new model was released!

Plus living with two cuddle bugs is a dream for any girl ;)

Nsfw 

The way that both of them are into cockwarming- 

Whenever Kenma is not streaming he wants you to sit on his cock, just be a good kitten and do it. 

No worries! Between rounds he'll start to pound you for as long as he can, but it's never enough  for you to cum :// too bad you'll just have to wait until he’s done, or when Kuroo some home. 

With Kuroo it's usually when he is doing more work in his home office. This is pure torture.

He won’t even pay attention to you until HE wants to cum. 

To add on to that neither of them are afraid of fucking you infront of people. 

Kenma has no fear of keeping you at his feet while he streams so you can suck him off whenever he wants. 

One time he was on a zoom call with his PR team and they had no idea you were deepthroating his cock under where the camera could see. 

Kuroo is the worst with this too, he’ll start fucking you when he knows he ahs a work call in a few minutes, so in the middle of fucking he’ll just answer the phone and make you shut up :((

Both of them together? You’re fucked. (literally haha) 

Kenma a bottom , 100%, just not as much as you.

Sex mostly means kuroo fucking you and sucking kenma off. 

“I wonder if everyone would still follow you if they  knew what a slut you are” 

“Kitten you have to be quiet for Daddy now, this call is important” 

“Look at that kenma, she’s cumming all over the place while drooling all over you!” 

Bokuto Kotaro and Akaashi Keji

The owl nest?  Yes Ma’am.

You were akaashis girlfriend first, but that meant you were practically dating Bokuto anyway. 

Akaashi? He loved it, you were just so cute when you tled to Kotaro! 

When he got excited, you got excited and you were just the cutest two babies in the world!

 The way you would talk for hours about nonsense and laugh about the stupidest things. 

Slowly but surely Akaashi braugh Bokuto into the relationship, and you had no objections! 

It started with small things like movie nights that turned into sleepovers that became full dates! 

Dates? Oh man you go on one almost every night! 

The movies! Bookstores! Restaurants! 

Even to the volleyball gym.

Sometimes Akaashi takes you to Bokuto’s games and you two just Cheer your lungs out!

This seems crazy but one time on your anniversary that took you to an owl farm! 

It was probably the funnest night of your life, and that was it all three of you knew that this was how you wanted to spend the rest of your lives. 

Nsfw 

Bokuto might be the driving force but Akaashi is the real mastermind behind the bedroom life. 

Sex mostly includs being railed by Bokuto for hours while Akaashi whispers sweet praises in your ears, telling you how good your gtaking Bokuto. 

Akaashi is also a firm believer in punishing people with toys,aka Bokuto getting ahead of himself and ignoring Akaashis commands which lands him tied up and a vibrator pressed to his sild until his orgass are dry :)

 Of course you are no better, cumming before your told or vene worse masterbating without permission. 

That lands you with a bunny vibrator, unable to move and just watching as Akasshi fucks Bokuto with your favorite dildo :( 

But if you'd just listen this would have never happened, just promise not to do it again! 

“Keji please, pease, wanna cum s-so bad” 

“Gee, you're just sucking him in huh? After all this time you still want more!” 

“You are just the prettiest little thing huh.” 

[tomatograter]

Do you think Dirk saying that he doesn't like to label himself as gay means he has internalized homophobia? Or does he really just don't like to put labels on himself? I've seen ppl saying it's homophobia but there's ppl in real life that don't feel comfortable with labels so I'm a bit confused honestly, cus we are talking about Dirk and he's... Dirk after all

Easy answer: Dirk is Gay.

Prolonged answer: I think it's kinda weird how some fandom discussion around "Dirk dodging the label in One pesterlog" has largely spiraled way outside of its original context to be talked about in a vacuum, especially when that context is crucial to understanding what is actually being said, AKA — it belongs to a deeply awkward conversation between Dirk and Roxy. One of Many they are implied to have had about the subject of Roxy's sustained, unwelcome, and oft drunken advances towards Dirk (& his splinters).

I'm going to reproduce it plus another bit of text down below, for the sake of comparison.

(To prevent the trickster text from looking like absolute shit, I have altered the background. Read the original here, if you're nasty: https://www.homestuck.com/story/5754 )

Now that we've been reacquainted with how and where that sentiment is expressed, let's try to break down what Dirk is doing here.

He is not receptive to Roxy's early advances, and spends most of the 'intro' for this conversation (not pictured) ignoring when Roxy flirts with him, until she gets upset at how 'boring' he is being right now.

Dirk is the one compelled to apologize.

He proceeds to shut the scenario down as an unwanted probability, eliciting further guilt-babbling from Roxy over how Dirk never wants to play along with the perfect traditional family fantasy, until she finally blows up and says it's because he's gay.

"I mean, yeah, that's what I thought."

Dirk, rather than saying I Am Not Gay, since he looooooves changing a conversational subject, claims that "Gay" is not entirely historically appropriate for this situation, given the non-negligible passage of time and the wildly dystopic circumstances* they find themselves in.

Dirk reassures Roxy he does still care about her.

Dirk is absolutely terrified of a similarly inclined (and intoxicated) Roxy up close. This is the most exclamations he's ever used.

Now, *These circumstances? The loss of 99% of the human race, including their society, customs, culture, and prejudices. (ALLEGEDLY.) It's important to remember that from Dirk and Roxy's side of the timetable, troll culture has been pushed as "the norm" for actual fucking centuries. HIC tried to recreate the caste system by artificially coloring human blood, leading to the death of billions. Faygo came out of the water tap, not water. Troll slang was incorporated into the English language. Humans ceased to organically reproduce. They were actively Discouraged from reproducing, since that's not something HIC could have total genetic control over; rendering traditional marriage and the concept of the nuclear family pointless.

You could also argue that same-gender relationships are not uncommon in Alternia, making "gay" altogether unnecessary by proxy, and that's true! But my point is this one: any union (or at least our society's holy concept of it) between straightie humans would be by definition undesirable under HIC's rule, too. She is the church, the president and the governing body. The population is only as good as they are assets for her to do whatever she wants with, including mass murder.

But wait! While that tracks… Roxy clearly still holds onto very 'conservative' definitions of romance for most of Homestuck. We see this multiple times. Dirk, as proved in conversations with Jake, uses 'gay' as an ironic pejorative. Suddenly it's not Historically Inaccurate anymore, Jake's interests are just gay.

Does this mean the context above is basically worthless, since they don't seem to have internalized it? No.

What must be kept in mind is this: Dirk and Roxy's only "active" link to de facto humanity is our society as it was in the early 2010's. Those glimpses they get by talking with jane and jake. They have all that dystopic context, yes, but the reality that seems the most "unfucked" to them for a grand majority of their lives are the halcyon years before the Condesce's rise to power: back when weed was illegal, BlogSpot was popular, movies sucked, MTV was still a hip channel, and gay generally meant something real bad. The wave of homophobia as a punchline or fear mongering tactic was at THE HEIGHTS. Marriage equality was a hot debate topic. Those were the dayz.

Dirk is keenly aware of the taboo implication the word "Gay" as a self-denomination carries. He's no dummy. But he's rarely direct with his intentions either. He's slippery as a bar of soap. (He's never "straight about his feelings", if you prefer.) And for a guy that cares so much about his reputation and maintaining a curated sense of utter coolness, he wants to avoid outing himself as any sort of weirdo no matter the cost.

But that's not all. I think the gravity of just how much Dirk believes he *owes* Roxy simply for existing as the last human in the same timeframe as her is a severely underplayed aspect of Dirk's core character, together with how much he tries to avoid her sexual advances only to end up feeling like absolute shit over it, because — if they truly are the last people on god's blighted earth, isn't he being "selfish" and "irrational" about not feeling shit for Roxy, in the grand scale of things? Is Roxy not his only friend in tangible reality, even if he avoids the mere suggestion of visiting her? Even if she gets black-out drunk and tries to push him into indulging her, regardless of how many times he's already said no?

(Spend enough time here and you realize how it directly mirrors the jane/jake experience.)

Dirk cares a lot about each and every one of his friends.

He pointedly adapts his speech based on whichever one of them he's talking to in an effort to express that investment. May it be reassuring Jane, fooling around with Jake, or trying to prevent Roxy from falling into a total catatonic doom-spiral; he avoids telling them anything that would be too crushing to hear. That's not what he's trying to do here. Not to say that he isn't bitchy sometimes, but that’s far from the central thing he does. The Epilogues have retroactively led people to believe that Dirk abhors and despises every single person he's ever been close to before (god forbid) LIKING them, and I think buying too much into that assumption ignores the foundations of his canon text, as well as the central motivation behind 99% of his actions in the story. This is the guy that grew up on Friendship Is Magic, has a picture of rainbow dash shamefully glued to one wall and a rainbow poster of Jake's symbol stapled to another, and everything he does is a little cringe attempt to demonstrate his worth by showing how much he cares about people, even when he's punching his actual feelings down instead of up and saying them.

Which brings us back to the load-bearing part of this question: Admitting to Roxy that there is absolutely no fucking way he will ever agree to having her babbys because he is gay is precisely the opposite of what Dirk wants to say, if his intention isn't pulverizing her. So he doesn't. And his worry on this regard is such that it prevents Dirk from even telling Roxy that he does love her, in the platonic sense, as a friend and hell-earth survivor, because he knows that specificity is what that would disappoint her greatly. (He only ever confesses this to Jane, on the death slabs.)

But also I think this is a really funny visual of Dirk's relationship with the word gay, to put statements into perspective: