#i was never always myself.
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Oh…. Well, it’s over for Crunchyroll I guess
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#Crunchyroll#piracy#funimation#money hungry ass streaming service#rambling#I’ve never paid for a streaming service in my life thank god#I appreciated using others accounts but I personally cannot see myself paying this much for a service if I had the funds 😭!#get back to pirating kings!!!#anime has always been one of the easiest forms of media to pirate anyway so y’all got this#CR is definitely not worth paying for though#CR is certainly not worth paying this much for even if it’s a yearly one time fee#capitalism#the fact that CR has always had pretty bad quality as a streaming service anyway#it buffers every time you pause or rewind anything
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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Like the majority of society I’m obsessed with Nimona
And I rewatched it a million times and one thing always sticks out to me
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There are moments when Ambrosius is surrounded by light like a little protective bubble
That keeps him away from the man he loves more than anything
#nimona#nimona 2023#ambrosius goldenloin#ballister boldheart#ballister x ambrosius#goldenheart#he always looks so small in these scenes#like the light is going to swallow him whole#it almost looks like a little kid wearing his parents clothes#like he’ll never live up to the expectations society has placed on him#this man is so lonely for the whole movie#poor baby had to figure out everything by himself#he looks so tired in the second picture#the thing that kills me is in the last scene he tries to leave the bubble#but Bal shoved him back in#bubba looks ethereal throughout the whole movie#this movie man#it kills me slowly#I love it so much#I’m gonna go cry myself to sleep now#people from the rise fandom know I only post angst when I’m sleep deprived
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Me: I appreciate that you keep bringing me tupperware leftovers but you really really shouldn't, you're going to lose a lot of containers
My brother, handing me the 10 thousandth container of leftovers: Oh yeah I forgot to ask when are you bringing those back
Me: You don't want them back.
My brother: What did you do
Me: Better question: what did I NOT do
Him: ...
Me:
Him: Oh my god
Me: Yeah
Him: You haven't been WASHING THEM?
Me: Bruh I'll be honest I haven't even been eating most of them
Him: Oh my god
Him: I have been bringing you lunch since-
Me: Halloween
Him: OH MY GOD
Me: Yeah
Him: It's been- we JUST bought those containers
Me: I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU TO STOP
Him: WHAT THE HELL
Me: I HAVE TOLD YOU SO MANY TIMES TO STOP
Him: IF I DONT FEED YOU, YOU DONT EAT
Me: I AM AN ADULT I PACK FOOD
Him: WHAT FOOD
Me: I DONT KNOW, FUCKING. SPAGHETTI
Him: IN WHAT? IN WHAT? YOU DONT WASH YOUR FUCKING TUPPERWARE
Me: I DON'T *BUY* TUPPERWARE CAUSE I KNOW I WONT WASH IT
Him: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CARRY THE SPAGHETTI IN
Me: Bags
Him: What
Me: Ziplock fucking bags
Him: YOU'RE EATING SPAGETTI OUT OF BAGS
Me: IT'S LESS WASTEFUL
Him: HOW is it less wasteful? HOW?? You're throwing out a plastic bag every single day!
Me: It's better than throwing out tupperware!
Him: TUPPERWARE IS REUSABLE
Me: NOT IF YOU DONT WASH IT
Him: WHY THE FUCK NOT
Me: I DONT DO DISHES
Him: THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU DONT DO DISHES.
Me: I hate doing dishes. You KNOW I hate doing dishes. I have ALWAYS HATED DOING DISHES you KNOW this
Him: WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN EATING OFF OF
Me: PLASTIC BAGS
Him:
Him: You're a fucking trash monster
Me: You wore the same pair of Shrek pants every day for two years
Him: When will you let that go
Me: I will never let it go
Me:
Me: ...thank you for the lasagna
#This little bastard is kind and thoughtful to the point that it is almost dumb#STOP TAKING CARE OF ME I HAVE A SYSTEM#It's not that I NEVER do dishes#I just hate it so much its maybe an every 17 days thing#I just refuse to dirty them when possible#Like literally I will straight up skip a meal before I touch the sink#I am aware it's stupid#Just as I am aware of the reasons#But because I KNOW MYSELF I will not buy tupperware#At least glass will wait for me#....this is always why I eat so many sandwiches tbh#The bagged spaghetti post#Teaboot
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Steve and Eddie who kind of flop in life and end up poor, living in a trailer in a different small town living quiet lives of no import.
The kids, Robin, Nancy, and Johnathan all seem to take the small handful of opportunities offered to them by the government in the aftermath of the Upsidedown to take off and make something of their lives. They're off writing headlines, making news, and living their lives to the best of their abilities, but Steve and Eddie find themselves stuck.
Steve stayed in Hawkins until the kids graduated and left for college. By then Nancy, Johnathan, and Robin are all in their second or third years of college. John and Nancy have their own apartment in New York together and don't reach out all that often, only seeing the rest of the Hawkins crew on Holidays and some vacations. Robin is flourishing at an all-women's college in Maine and has a partner and a cat and plans for graduate school brewing. She's always saying Steve can come out and join her whenever he's ready, but when the time comes it feels like he would just be trying to insert himself in the middle of a life he doesn't know how to fit into, so he turns to Eddie instead.
Eddie is permanently disabled in a number of ways following the events of season four. He struggles with chronic pain, has breathing issues due to the loss of part of his right lung, and lost enough muscle mass in his left leg that walking will never be easy or done without the use of a walker or arm bar crutches. The doctors said he recovered as well as he could have. The kids said he would get better with time. Wayne said it didn't matter if he never got better, he could do anything he set his mind to.
Steve is the only person who tells him the truth.
Steve tells him that it sucks. Tells him that it will probably always hurt. Doesn't give him false hope when he's trying to grieve the loss of the life he wanted to live. The goals he wanted to reach. When he falls deeper and deeper into himself, stuck in the muck of depression, Steve is the only person he lets in. The kids try their best but their lives are moving fast, and taking care of someone like Eddie is exhausting, no matter what they try to say. Eventually, everyone but Dustin gives up on reaching out, the younger boy showing up every Sunday to try and get Eddie out of the house. He always leaves disappointed.
When Steve asks him if he wants to use what's left of their partly government payouts and Steve's equally meager Family Video savings to buy a truly shitty trailer in a town an hour and a half south of Hawkins in the fall of 1990, it feels like the first boon he's been given in almost five years. He'll never be who he could have been if he had ignored Chrissy that day in 86', but he's always thought maybe he could be more than a ghost between Wayne's walls if he could just get out of this god-forsaken town full of people who know too much and too little of what's happened to him.
They get the trailer, pack what little they have, let Wayne hug them close, and leave.
Steve has already transferred to their new town's Family Video, moving up to claim the dubious honor of being the opening manager. Mostly he just unlocks the door, signs into the computer, and makes sure nothing catches fire. Eddie hoped that moving would miraculously make him fit to enter back into the world, but he spends most of his days with a blanket on the front porch, watching people pass by. He does, though, finally accept that he needs to apply for disability to help Steve keep the lights on and the water hot. That last little bit of hope that he could be what he used to be dies, but he's learning to be content with what he does have. He starts taking a walk, just ten minutes around the loop of the trailer park saying hi and trading polite nods with his fellow residents. He's not ok, but he's starting to build a new community of people not too different from himself.
The new trailer only has one bedroom. Eddie sleeps on a fold-out mattress in the living room. It had been a major argument when they first moved in with Steve insisting that Eddie needed the bed. Eddie argued that it wasn't fair for him to take the room when Steve was the one working 40 hours a week to keep them afloat. In the end, Eddie was the more stubborn of the two. It helps that Eddie has absolutely no qualms about crawling into bed with Steve on the nights when the couch bed really won't cut it for his aching body. Steve never questions it, just shuffles over a little and lets the other man in.
Steve doesn't question a lot of stuff.
He doesn't question when all their effects are shared between them with no effort to distinguish between yours and mine, Eddie's and Steve's. He doesn't question it four months in when Eddie starts to get his feet under him and decides to take up cooking, always trying his best to have everything done just as Steve walks through the door. He doesn't question when a good chunk of Eddie's first disability check goes to buying Steve a sturdy, if not very fashionable, new watch for his birthday since his old one went bust almost a year ago.
He doesn't question it when Eddie holds his hand for the first time under the stars hanging above their front porch.
He doesn't question it when Eddie introduces him to one of his new neighbor friends with a hand resting comfortably on his lower back
He doesn't question it when Eddie starts sleeping in the bedroom every night.
Or makes him box mix cupcakes for Valentine's Day.
Or kisses him for the first time on the couch that's never a bed unless they want to spend the day binge-watching bargain bin films.
Because really, isn't this how it was always going to go? Wasn't this exactly what Steve was asking for when he asked Eddie to skip town with him?
Isn't this what Eddie was hoping for when he said yes?
#From the perspective of someone who grew up poor#I've always found comfort in the knowledge#that I would never be expected to do something great#which means#that I get to project that onto the sillies#steddie#fanfiction#plot bunny#eddie munson#steve harrington#dreamer speaks#stranger things#One again I ask myself#is this anything?#insert shrug emoji#Edit: This ended up being something#thank you to everyone#who commented or wrote in the tags#for sharing your stories with me#it means a lot#that people are connecting with this one
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The dog days are over.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#The childhood flashback is one of my favourite scenes in MDZS and yes I am disapointing myself in how little I am covering it.#If it is any consolation...I'll be bringing JYL's piggyback scene into another comic later on.#There truly is something so specific and yet resonant in the way our bonds as children feel so deep.#But the world doesn't stay as small as it does when you are a kid. The problems you argue about get bigger and more serious.#You still hold so much love for this person despite how much you want to throw hands with them.#To have such a complicated history with someone and then fall apart...You always think you have time to heal the wound.#Why wouldn't you! You've never had anything but time with this person. A brother not in blood but in true and genuine bond.#And then the fucker dies! It's horrible and sudden and the last words you exchanged were cold and awful!#What do you do with those dead end feelings? What do you do but grieve bitterly and angrily?#There is no resolution for all the love you wanted back. There will never be an opportunity to bridge the gap between you.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. Because you thought you had more time.#If anyone dares say Jiang Cheng didn't love WWX I'll be the first to fire up the powerpoint presentation on why he absolutely does.
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More photos from my digital camera (7.2 megapixels)
#I’m such a maximalist but I want to be a minimalist in my head#it’s a mental battle where I want everything gone but I need to hoarde it lool#bootleg vintage yugioh chair from 2008 is insane#I hope you are all well#and drinking lots of water#I always say that but I never do it myself#love you all#y2k#y2k aesthetic#y2k style#y2k nostalgia#y2k icons#2000s web#old web#2000s#early 2000s#2000s internet#digital camera photo#digital camera#2000s photography#yugioh#tamagotchi#Ps2
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it's time to go, my love (ID in alt)
#vashwood#trigun maximum spoilers#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#ruporas art#been in a very bad Art rut lately... the fatigue is finally catching up so i turned to my very trusty muses#to bring me somewhere. somehow its vol 10 i always return to. though i thnk this is the first time im posting v10 art#i have so many in my drafts but this vol always made me emotional. It's been a year now so my emotions#They've cleared up. Somewhat.#i think i just delusioned myself into a place where ww is always alive bc i draw him well and healthy all the time. his death is such an#essential part to the narrative though... i'll never be able to run from it completely :']. anyway. im not too sure how to elaborate my#Thoughts on this one but i am quite Happy with the blueness of it all.
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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it’s been 6 years exactly nd i apologize for everything about this
[tw: implied csa]
#i did not work on this fr 6 yrs obvio i jst hated what i did originally nd dropped it forever#bt like last month i thought abt it again nd realized that 6 year promise was coming up….so i debased myself#i still hate this so much :) but i forced myself to do it#rip to the 100 odd ppl who were xcited abt this when i originally posted the sneak peek#i rly wanted to try making something long but i think i shdnt do that n e more lmfaoo#thers a significant quality drop on lots of pages i never quite got around to finalizing n time. sorry. sorry sorry sorryyy#iasip#always sunny#charlie kelly#dennis reynolds#mac mcdonald#mac macdonald#charden#chardennis#trash trio#charmacden#deetress if u squint#fanart#mine#i want to xplore the chardeetress part of their hs more i rly lov that trio#also also i totally lied in the original post talking abt ‘these 3 suffering’ it was always focused on the charden trauma connection#sorry mac girlies#i hav complex feelings regarding mac's involvement n th uncle jack side of charlie's childhood#but they r not on display here#gnna hav to draw some cute bb charmac to repent and to self sooth aftr this#1k
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what veilguard is doing with the theme of grief... man. dragon age has always been, one way or another, about grief. how you can never go back. how you could go back, but it will never be the same. you must learn to be-with (in the heideggeran sense, as in "each one exists in a world saturated with others linked through shared social practices") grief in order to make it out alive.
as the warden, you lose everything you ever knew before: your family, your home, your friends, everything. it is all still there–except, maybe for cousland and aeducan–but you can never return to it. not as you were, and not as it was. you have been changed, and your past has changed with you.
as hawke, you are a refugeee. your very name is synonymous with grief. you claw your way out of a dying country only to find a dying city instead. all of your friends should be dead but aren't. you should be dead but aren't. whatever you do, you will fail. there is no returning to ferelden. there is no saving kirkwall.
with inquisition, because your character backstory is so much less defined (in-game, at least), the theme of grief is expanded towards the rest of the world. the theme shifts from being personal to global, the grief theme becoming intertwined with greater, historical questions. what does it mean to grieve empire? what does it mean to grieve a system that was, even if it hurt so many?
and, from what i've seen so far, veilguard is bringing that theme forward and honing it into a thematic spear. every quest, every companion, every npc story you follow. all of it is building together to try and answer the questions the previous three games have been asking:
can you go back? should you go back? is it healthy to want to go back? what can you do, when "back" is gone, a dream from a lifetime, a memory, a thousand years ago?
your brother is dead. can you mourn him? your grandmother is dead. can you mourn her? your mother is a refugee who did the best she could and it still wasn't enough. can you mourn what could have been? can you mourn your city? your purpose, when all you were was built to die and you didn't? can you face death singing? you have to. the blight can be soothed but not beaten. the veil cannot be taken back, a thousand years of elven deaths and mage deaths cannot be taken back. there is no other way but through.
#dragon age#veilguard positive#crow.txt#one time someone asked me what emotion i most associate with myself. and the answer is grief. i am always grieving something or someone.#i am a creature made entirely; constantly; of anticipatory grief. there is no out there is only through#i can never go back again and i knowwwwww#f: you are required to do nothing; least of all believe
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hm new year's ml season's resolution of mine should maybe be to post more. even if it's just my stupid unfiltered thoughts
#i always feel like i'm annoying when i post too many text posts#ive considered making a side blog to post my thoughts instead to take the pressure off but then what? would I NEVER post my thoughts here?#that's sad. this is my ML blog. this isnt even an art blog. why should i make it be one#anyway im fessing up about this because maybe if i say it out loud i will feel more obligated to hold myself to it
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my attempt at making a fursona
#i never see any mole furries so i thought id try my hand at it ^_^#i was hungry making this and was thinking of dirt cup pudding so its partly inspired by that and mario grass blocks#i dont draw furries very often so this was a fun learning experience lol. also!! star nose moles are kinda cute!!!!#when i was coming up with a name my mind kept going back to that tiktok of dogs and the tts voice saying stuff like i like mulch#mulch is my favorite food! yippee mulch!! so if youre wondering where i got the name theres the lore for it#i also wanna make a sea otter fursona.. and perhaps a snowshoe hare or other winter animal. oh or a barn owl!!#im trying to free my mind when it comes to making multiple sonas bc im still trying to wrap my head around it#ive always kinda seen myself as my persona but i want to try and be silly with it. actually while i was making this i was a little doubtful#to call it my fursona bc it doesnt look like me but a little voice inside my head was like well. youre not a 5 foot tall talking mole eithe#so you might as well. and i was thinking abt ppl with their dragon wolves with wings and i was like wow.. youre right... i can do what i#want forever. and brother that shit was enlightening it was like my third eye opened when i realized that#my art#myart#my oc#oc#fursona#mulch#furry art#sfw furry#character design#oc ref sheet#reference sheet
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precious idiots
#opla#one piece live action#one piece#monkey d luffy#roronoa zoro#guys i was never much of a zolu shipper but this show is making me go feral for them#what's my poor poor heart gonna do when sanji enters the picture#the monster trio it is then#now i'm finding out how little fanfic there is on them like???#i always though they were a popular ship#puts hands onto hips and huffs#do i have to do everything myself around here#guess i shall take this opportunity to dive back into one piece fanart it's been far too long a
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I'm drawing a sad thing and it felt familiar
...Just fucking wonderful. Sisyphean even.
#lini wip tag#wip#klance#i cant defend myself#the nature of life is hurting keith by hurting lance by almost hurting keith#me at my wip 20 min ago: gosh yea this is peak. i've never done this one before#not me giving Lance the eyebrow scar I always wanted for him lmao#there is just something so delightful in having lance drenched in blood#blue with red spots being washed by keith's tears#you know im right
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found this in my files and i think i never posted it anywhere because i was insecure about it?? but looking at it now it's literally like fine. so here it is
#why was i always beating myself up over nothing..#i could probably post so many pieces i never showed anyone now and pass them off as recent drawings#golden kamuy#ogata hyakunosuke#gk#art#fanart#clart (clay art)
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