#i was literally thinking yesterday about how MUCH transport was involved in making my little cup of diced pears

[sleep-safe]

I've also recently encountered an unfulfillable desire to "vote with your money": medical supplies. i have to buy my prescription medications even if I hate Bayer or EL or purdue because it's legal and Desirable under capitalism to restrict the ability to produce vital drugs and medical equipment.

Not to say that what you buy doesn't mean anything. boycotts Do work (although they only function to force change when there is a unified front with express demands). but "just stop participating in the system" usually isn't doable.

we should do everything we can AND we as consumers are not solely responsible for the practices of those selling to us.

I feel like we don't talk enough about how the whole "capitalism is a democracy! vote with your dollar!" myth falls apart once you're dealing with a company that doesn't sell directly to individual consumers

Like say you want to boycott Norfolk Southern after the East Palestine disaster. Presumably you're not in the situation where you personally do business directly with Norfolk Southern, so that's not an option. Products don't have stickers telling you what freight company shipped them, two of the same product sitting right next to each other on the same shelf may well have been handled by two different companies and there's no way for you to tell. And in some cases companies like that may have monopolies on transporting certain goods in certain areas, so you couldn't make a different choice even if you knew. How could you possibly say that such a situation is "democratic" and decided on by consumers?

Capitalism enjoyers love to pretend that the whole economy is Tommy trading his apples for Mary's flowers in a mutually beneficial exchange and ignore 99% of the nuance in the economic system they claim to believe in

[chachkayes]

The Journey to ‘I Do’ - Mer x Hayes

Wow. Okay. The 4th fic I was talking abt yesterday. Life kind of got in the way and really prevented me from finishing this one yesterday night like I’d wanted. This one is going to need a keep reading line because it is officially the longest fic I have literally ever written. It’s 4.2k words. 4.2k words of pure and utter love and fluff. This is the last fic you’ll be getting from me (aside from the Christmas fic on Christmas day) for awhile, because I go back to work this week and it’s Christmas week and also the week my final is due, which means I will be a busy bee over the next little while. I really hope you all like this fic, it’s one of my favourite ones I’ve ever written and I hope it gives you all as many feels as it did for me while I wrote it. And just a disclaimer, YES, I know they probably won’t get married on the show. But AU’s are fun to write, and everything I write is usually just for fun and to fulfill my own or someone else’s headcannons and hopes that are fun to think about. Okay, that’s all, enjoy :)

“A small wedding, Maggie. Please. That’s it.” Meredith begged her sister as she walked out of her house, heading to work. Maggie had been pestering Meredith to let her plan a more grandiose wedding since she’d been told that she could even plan the wedding at all. Mer and Hayes had been adamant about a small wedding right from the beginning, although Meredith more than Hayes. He would never admit it to anyone, but his boys had quickly warmed him up to the idea of a larger wedding that their friends and family from the hospital were invited to. He couldn’t decipher if it was just because Liam wanted a reason to party or if he genuinely cared, but he couldn’t help but entertain the idea as he lay next to his fiancée in bed at night.

Maggie smirked and turned to Amelia, who was laughing to herself as she listened in on Maggie and Meredith’s conversation. “You’re not gonna plan just a ‘small wedding’, are you?” She inquired. Maggie smirked at Amelia. “How well do you think Cristina Yang can keep a secret?” Maggie said, confirming Amelia’s suspicions. “Do you want me to talk to Jackson today when I go into work?” Amelia asked Maggie, officially hopping on board the crew of people who were working on the surprise wedding plans for Meredith and Hayes. Maggie’s eyes lit up. “Oh my god, could you? That’d be amazing!” Maggie exclaimed as she flung open her laptop and added Amelia and Jackson’s name to the list of people who’d be helping out. The list already included the likes of Bailey, Richard, Jo, Link, Winston, Owen, and Teddy. 

As Amelia got into work, she quickly found and cornered Jackson. “Avery!” She yelled, diverting his attention away from his conversation with another staff member. “I- we, we need your help.” Jackson looked at Amelia, confused. “You need me for a consult or something?” He said, after excusing himself from his previous conversation. “No. Maggie and I. We, uh-“ She paused, looking around to make sure neither Hayes nor Meredith were around. “We’re hoping you could help us with a surprise for the wedding.” Jackson nodded in understanding. “Yeah, sure. What do you need?” He said as he crossed his arms and backed into a more private space for him and Amelia to talk about the wedding, knowing she wouldn’t want Meredith or Hayes to overhear. “We wanted to know if you could get in touch with Cristina. Get her over here for the wedding somehow.” Jackson raised his eyebrows at Amelia’s request. “I haven’t talked to Yang in a few months. But I’m sure I could make it happen. Okay, yeah, count me in.” He decided. Amelia grinned and gave Jackson a high-five. “Thank you!” Amelia squealed as she left the scan room.

“Oh, hey Avery. What’s up?” Cristina said as she answered the unexpected phone call from her friend and former colleague. “How well do you think you could keep a secret from Meredith and Hayes?” He asked, cutting right to the chase. “Probably pretty well. Why? What are you hooligans planning now?” She asked with a slight amusement in her voice. “We were hoping to fly you out so you could be there for their wedding. But we don’t want either of them to know.” Jackson explained. Cristina smiled behind the phone, intrigued at the idea of surprising her best friends at their wedding after she helped Hayes plan the engagement. “Wait, Meredith and Hayes are letting you guys plan a wedding for more people than just the two of them?” Cristina quipped back, knowing full well that Meredith was never a fan of having a wedding of her own. “No. Mer’s been unsurprisingly pretty adamant about having a small wedding. But she left the planning up to Maggie, and now half the hospital’s involved and neither of them know.” Cristina smirked. “Well in that case, absolutely. Just let me know a date and I’ll be there.” She told Jackson. “Great. Listen, I have to go now, but I’ll talk to you later and give you more details later.” He said as he received a page on his phone. From Meredith. ‘Great timing, Mer.’ He thought to himself. “Alright, bye Avery.” “Bye, Yang.” 

- 

Wedding dress shopping. The thing Meredith was admittedly looking forward to the least. However, her daughters wanted to see their mom get all dressed up in pretty dresses. And Jo, Amelia, and Maggie had begged her to try dresses on like starving puppies begging for food. How could she say no? She’d deprived them of the big friends and family wedding that they wanted, she couldn’t rid them of everything they were excited about. “Okay, before we go in, what did I say again?” Meredith said as she turned on her heel and stood to face her entourage, arms crossed. “Nothing expensive.” Maggie said. “Nothing poofy.” Amelia said. “And most of all, no sparkles.” Zola piped up with a smile. Mer nodded her head at the girls and turned back around, entering the bridal shop. ‘Here goes nothing.’ She thought to herself. 

An hour into her dress appointment, Meredith had yet to find anything she really loved. And she was not one to be known for settling. Ellis decided to run off into the dress racks, worrying Meredith. She was still little and young, so it was likely that she could pull a dress off the rack and have it been the complete opposite of what she wanted. She didn’t though. She, with the help of Amelia, brought over a stunning, form fitting, white halter dress with a satin sash across her waist that came with no sparkles, fit her like a glove, wasn’t expensive, and looked stunning on her. “Wow, Ellie, this dress is beautiful.” Meredith said as she stepped out of the fitting room. She looked in the mirror and smoothed the dress over her as the girls behind her fawned over the dress and she slowly fell in love with the gown she was wearing. “Meredith… you look stunning.” Jo gawked over her friend. “Yeah. Wow.” Amelia and Maggie said simultaneously. “Momma, is this what you’re gonna wear to marry Hayes??” Zola asked enthusiastically. “I think it is.” Meredith said, smiling at her daughters, sisters, and Jo, who were all beaming with pride.

Next up on Maggie’s list of secret wedding things to accumulate was the dresses for the bridesmaids and the flower girls. She knew this excursion was going to be trickier than the one for getting Meredith a dress, because she had to find dresses for herself, Amelia, Jo, as well as Cristina, along with dresses for Ellis and Zola. This was where Teddy and Owen came in. They generously agreed to hide all of the dresses at their house so Meredith wouldn’t get suspicious, then transport them to Richard and Catherine’s house the morning of the wedding. And so, off went Amelia, Jo, Maggie, Zola, and Ellis to try on pretty dresses for themselves. After hours of searching in several different stores, they’d finally agreed on these beautiful V-neck, olive green, A-line dresses with short, ruffled sleeves. One by one, things began to fall in to place. Sweet and simple gray lacy dresses were bought for Ellis and Zola. Jo dropped all 6 dresses off at Teddy and Owen’s and the gang moved on to phase 3 of planning.

- 

Decorations was what Maggie dreaded planning the most. She knew that her sister and soon-to-be brother-in-law would hate an overly decorated wedding for themselves. If she was being honest with herself, she didn’t exactly have an idea for what to do. So, she went to Pinterest. This may or may not have been a great idea. Pinterest became a complete and utter black hole of ideas for Maggie. She bought string lights – and lots of them. Fairy lights, and white Christmas lights mainly. She bought chiffon drapes to hang on a homemade wooden alter. She bought fake vines and a few flowers. She rented tables, and chairs. Once she was finished with her Pinterest spiral, she consulted with Richard as to how they would decorate his backyard – that was his contribution and involvement in Maggie’s scheme for a wedding that would satisfy the wants of attendants, as well as Meredith and Hayes. Hopefully. He owned this beautiful, large home, with a backyard big enough to fit the people invited. 

Bailey’s involvement in the wedding was much more sentimental. She was officiating the wedding. This was quite literally the only detail of Maggie’s wedding plans that Meredith and Hayes had been consulted on. Mainly because Bailey demanded that she hear it from Meredith herself that she wanted her to officiate. They all loved the idea. Bailey encouraged them to write vows and thank god she did, because Maggie had been stressing about how she was going to convince Mer and Hayes to write sentimental crap without it seeming suspicious. Bailey’s idea for them to write vows reprieved her of that worry completely.

As it got down to the final few days before the wedding, duties were given out whenever the participants of the scheming could find time completely away from both Meredith and Hayes, which had not been an easy task in the weeks leading up to the big day. It seemed like Meredith was always there whenever Maggie turned a corner. Meredith and Hayes had both got the day off work, so Maggie paged and gathered the group into one room. “Alright everyone, you know why we’re all here - we have a wedding in 2 days. Final tasks. Jackson, Cristina’s flight lands tomorrow at 5pm. You’re picking her up from the airport and taking her to Bailey’s place. Bailey, Jackson and Cristina should be arriving at your place for 6:30/ 7:00pm, give or take. Link, Winston – you’re in charge of the groom. You guys have to have him dressed and ready to go to Richard’s for 4pm on Saturday. Find a way to keep him away from Meredith for the night before and day of the wedding. Richard – Jackson, Owen, and Teddy will be over bright and early Saturday morning to help set up all the decorations. Amelia, Jo, and I will be getting ourselves, the children, and the bride ready. Ceremony starts at 5:30pm. The goal is to have Meredith and Hayes walk together to the front, as I can’t see my sister wanting to walk down an aisle. Alright. Everyone know what they’re doing?” Maggie finished. Choruses of “Yep” and “Uh huh” along with nods of acknowledgement circled the room. “Great! Okay. Disperse.” Maggie finished, and everyone did just that. 

- 

Wedding day. Chaos ensuing. Jackson had successfully picked up Cristina from the airport and dropped her off at Bailey’s undetected. Link and Winston had also been successful in their recruits to get Hayes away for a bachelor’s night. They phrased it as ‘guy’s night’ though, knowing how their best friend felt about the term ‘bachelor’s party’. He’d been ardently against the idea that it was his last night as a single man. He wasn’t single, he was in a serious relationship with a woman he loves, and they’d made a commitment to each other when they began dating. The marriage was only an extension of that commitment. But for Hayes, the proposed idea of getting drunk with his two closest guy friends while watching things like soccer and crappy TV shows was too tempting an offer for him to turn down. Meredith also told him to go and spend the night with them, so he didn’t really have any other option.

“Meredith! We’re ready to go when you are!” Maggie yelled from the main floor, up to the upstairs floor. It was 3:30pm, and while Meredith also knew the wedding was going to be hosted at Richard’s, in fact she was the one that suggested that’s where it be held, but she was unaware of the extent to which the place had been decorated and just how many people were actually invited. Meredith placed her earrings and bracelet in the little jewellery box, and headed downstairs. Her makeup and hair had been done at the house, as did Amelia, Maggie and Jo, who brushed off the excessiveness as ‘just wanting to look nice in pictures’. Maggie could feel herself getting more and more giddy as she got closer to Richard and Catherine’s place. Bailey had arrived with Cristina an hour earlier and had gotten the both of them plus Teddy ready in the meantime. Liam had agreed to drive himself, Austin, Zola, Bailey, and Ellis over to the house since Maggie’s car was going to be packed between Meredith’s dress and shoes, and all 4 of the women.

Meredith and Hayes arrived at Richard’s at the same time. The vehicles pulled into the driveway almost simultaneously. Hayes got out of the car first, then Winston, and Link. Meredith quickly exited Maggie’s car once she parked, and went to catch up with Hayes, who was standing frozen in the doorway. She placed her hand on his back. “Hey, what’s go-“ She said before looking into the house and realizing exactly why he was standing so frozen. “Cristina.” Meredith’s jaw dropped at the sight of her best friend. Cristina beamed at her friends as they stood in the doorway of Richard’s house. Bailey watched from the stairway like a proud mama. “Are you going to give me a hug or what?” Cristina said, prompting Meredith to laugh, step inside, and give her a much overdue hug. When they finally pulled back from the hug, Meredith looked around at her friends who were all smiling and watching her and Cristina. “Wait, so how did you get here? And how did I not know?” Meredith asked as Cristina hugged Hayes. Maggie, Amelia and Jackson grinned sheepishly at Meredith. “I might have had Amelia and Jackson conspire to get her here.” Maggie finally admitted. Meredith hugged her sister. “Thank you.”

- 

Everyone moved inside as Link and Amelia brought in Meredith’s dress and all the tuxes. “Let me guess, no ‘peppy maid of honour’ thing again?” Meredith chuckled at her friend. “No, absolutely not – your only job today is to-“ “Kick your guys’ ass down the aisle?” Cristina interrupted her, and Meredith choked back a laugh. “Yeah, pretty much.” 

For the next hour and a half, the finishing touches were put on everyone’s hair and makeup, dresses were steamed, and Meredith quickly figured out that this wedding was not going to be as small as she’d hoped. However, she overlooked it, because Cristina was there, Hayes seemed genuinely excited, and she knew that only her friends would be showing up. She had her person back, even if it was just for a few days. The girls helped each other into their dresses, and Ellis and Zola fawned over their mom and aunts. A few more guests showed up as everyone finished getting ready, including Bokhee, Tom, Levi, Nico, Parker, and Helm, along with their friends from Station 19, Robert and Andy, Vic and Travis, Dean, Maya and Carina, Emmett, and Jack.

Finally, 5:30 came. The sun began to set and the lights that had been hung from poles in the yard illuminated the sky perfectly. Everyone was waiting excitedly in their chairs, conversing among themselves as they waited for the wedding to start. Cristina had persuaded Meredith to let Richard walk her down the aisle, so Hayes was waiting patiently at the front of the arch with Link, Winston, Liam, Austin, and Bailey. Inside the house, Cristina, Maggie and Amelia were giving Meredith the pre-marriage pep talk that Meredith had given all of them before their respective weddings to Owen (once for Cristina and once for Amelia), Link, and Winston. Finally, the music started, and the guests in attendance immediately stopped chatting and turned their heads towards the back doors. The doors opened and Ellis and Zola walked out, flinging white petals all over the ground. Then Jo walked out, Amelia, then Maggie, followed by Cristina. Richard looked over at Meredith. “You ready?” He asked as she slipped her arm through his. “Yeah, I am.” She said with a smile and walked out into the backyard and down the makeshift aisle.

-

“Friends and family alike, we are gathered today to celebrate. To celebrate the love shared between two people who found each other in the midst of unimaginable grief. Who know better than most of us that the tomorrows with the people we love are never promised, so we have to make the most of it. Meredith, Hayes, I have had the joy of watching your relationship develop and watch the both of your flourish in your happiness, separately and with each other. You guys are about to enter into a journey together, one that you both know the meaning behind very well. You know that marriage takes a lot of work, that there will be ups and downs, trials and tribulations, and that above all communication is the most important thing to make a marriage work. I don’t need to tell you this. The love shared between you guys is something admirable, and I for one, am so honoured that you asked me to marry the two of you today. When you guys first reported your relationship to me and HR, I remember thinking to myself, ‘Who would have thought?’ But now, as I look back on your friendship, I really should have seen this coming from a mile away. There’s something magnetic between two equals, who share such similar life experiences and never expect anything more from the other than their authentic selves. Plus, you guys spent a very odd amount of time in OR’s together. And as fate may have it, Cristina Yang, or whatever you guys want to believe, you found each other. And it has been beautiful to see. I have to stop myself before I ramble even more about how proud I am of the both of you. I know you both have written your own vows, so I invite you to exchange them now. Meredith?” Bailey opened the wedding, and there was already some audible sniffling from a couple of the bridesmaids. 

“Hayes…” Meredith started, laughing with tears in her eyes as she read over her vows. He laughed with her and wiped the tear from her face. “I had many firsts before I met you. And though part of me wishes I could take them back and had them all with you, I know that each and every one of those firsts was what lead me to you. And in a way, you are my biggest firsts. My first long-term relationship. You’re the first man I said ‘I’m in love with you’ to. The first person who understood me fully, who matched my every turn and never had to navigate major differences with. And you’re the only person I imagined myself having a future with. You are imperfectly perfect. You are everything I never knew I needed. You complete me. You’re my other half. My equal, my partner in work and in life. A while ago, I’d told Alex that I didn’t want to fall in love again unless it felt like family. And that’s you. I love you, and I love your boys. I love our family. I love how you never push any boundaries with my kids, but still love them like your own. And as I stand here today, in front of a bunch of friends and family that neither of us thought would be coming, I promise to love you unconditionally. I promise to always communicate with you about everything. To never be anything less than myself around you. I promise to always talk with you about Derek and Abigail, who I know are watching from heaven and cheering for us. I promise to defend you and stick by you through thick and thin. I have been and always will be your biggest supporter on earth. I love you.” Hayes smiled at Meredith through tears and began to lean in to kiss her on instinct, before he felt Bailey’s hand push him back. “Not. Yet.” She said sternly, prompting laughter from the guests and wedding party.

“Grey, before I met you, I didn’t want to love again. There was no one I could even think about being with after having Abby ripped away from me so slowly and cruelly. That was until I met you. You understood exactly what I was going through. You never pushed or prodded, and always let me talk about Abby if I was comfortable with it. Of course, I always was, knowing you’d probably done the same thing, or at least something very similar. Every day since I met you, I’ve found something new about you that amazes me. You amaze me. And there is no one else on the face of this earth I could have imagined myself going through all those firsts with. You taught me to love again. My goal in our relationship is to always make you feel loved, seen, and wanted. You truly are my equal in this part of my life. And I love everything about you, about our family. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about how lucky I am to have met you, to know what it’s like to experience your loyalty and love. You know full well that I don’t take promises lightly. I promise to always stand by you, no matter what. I promise to know when to fall back and let you handle things, versus when to step up and step in to defend you. I promise to bring you coffee in the morning and check in on you when you’re working in the lab on your next award-winning medical breakthrough. I promise to always page you for surgeries that require general surgery, and I promise to watch the kids when you’ve had a long day so you can get some rest. I even promise to dance with you whenever you want to. Above all though, I promise to make us my priority. I love you.” Hayes finished. After the both of their vows, there wasn’t a dry eye in Richard’s backyard. Quite literally everyone was crying. Including both Meredith and Hayes.

-

“Link, the rings?” Bailey said, looking over at Link. He gave Scout the thumbs up, to which Scout toddled over to the front and handed Hayes and Meredith their rings. “Now, do you, Cormac Hayes, take Meredith Grey to be your wife?”

“I do.” He said, wearing a bright smile on his face, placing Meredith’s ring on her finger. 

“And Meredith, do you take Cormac Hayes to be your husband?” Bailey said, looking at Meredith.

“I do.” She said, smiling back at Hayes with tears in her eyes as she placed the ring on his finger. 

“By the power vested in me from the internet, and by the grace of God, I pronounce you two husband and wife. Hayes, you may kiss your bride.” Bailey said with a smile as she stepped back from the couple. “Finally,” Hayes said as he wrapped his arms around Meredith’s waist and pulled her in for their first kiss as a married couple. Their biggest first together. Everyone clapped and cheered for the newlyweds, and they pulled back, still holding onto each other, as they looked around at their friends and family, all smiles.

- 

The whole reception was lively. People mingled and caught up with old friends. Meredith and Hayes made sure to go around before dinner started inside and say hi to everyone who’d shown up and thank them for coming. Meredith had to admit that she was glad she got to share this day with all her friends. Then during dinner came the speeches. Meredith and Hayes both gave short speeches that they came up with on the fly. Maggie and Amelia both made touching tributes, thanking Hayes for making their sister so happy again, and for loving her in the way she deserves to be loved. Richard, Jackson, and Link also all made speeches. The final speech came from none other than Meredith’s person, Cristina Yang. “Meredith, Hayes, I love you both. I’m so happy you two found each other. You’re welcome, by the way. I take full credit for this.” Laughter erupted from around the house. Leave it to Cristina to steal the show in two sentences.

They ate dinner, mingled, laughed, and loved. The first dance was touching, as their song played over the speaker and they slow danced, whispering sweet words into each other’s ears, kissing and loving each other like no one was watching. After the first dance, the music picked up and everyone joined in the celebrations. This night was a perfect representation of what the rest of their lives looked like; filled with love, laughter, family, friendship, and lots of music and happiness. After having their happiness ripped away from them in horrifying ways, they’d finally found it again. And it was truly beautiful.

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 17: 2x26 Assignment: Earth

Finally finished up S2 of TOS yesterday. That was... a rough episode tbh. I’m just gonna say it: back door pilots are bad! They’re bad. If I wanted to watch that other show, I’d watch it.

Wow, they’re just really jumping right in, huh? “Here we are, on a routine mission into the past, using a time travel method that we invented nbd.”

Investigating desperate problems in the year 2020...2016.... no wait 1968.

Ooh, Spock in the transport room today. Does he have a whole extra random station there? That’s so weird; I’ve never seen that before. It’s like hidden in the corner.

Cat!! Cat!!

What a good actor. I’m still bitter that wikipedia has a whole section about the casting for “Isis the cat” that talks entirely about the human who played Isis for 2 minutes and nothing about the talented feline actor. Where did they find her? How did they teach her to act?

She has a lot of thoughts about Kirk.

I wrote down “Scully, you’ve got to see this” in my notes and I’ve already forgotten what it refers to lol. Some moment that I thought would fit well with my favorite x-files meme.

Change history, you say? Spock is intrigued. ...Admittedly, Spock is often intrigued.

“What if it turns out you’re an invading alien from the future?” Honestly...let him invade. You’re not supposed to be here anyway.

I’m pretty insulted by this. The aliens went through all this trouble to help in 1968...where are our alien helpers NOW?

The cat straight up attacked his face.

Kirk is so fond of Spock being fond of the cat.

“It’s a lovely animal. I feel myself strangely drawn to it.”

Kirk is way too confused by Seven--an allegedly human person with super-human abilities that he says come from aliens--and yet, he’s met Charlie X so??? Is this not the same?

Kirk’s got the whole crew checking in on zoom.

(I actually do like this sequence of him getting video calls from different parts of the ship.)

“Weren’t orbiting H-bombs a huge problem in 1968?” Looks at the camera like he’s on The Office. Not the subtlest bit of writing in the “social commentary” genre. I do say this with love, though. I always enjoy when they comment on contemporary problems.

“He has a totally perfect body.” Lol don’t distract these two bisexuals.

[soft meowing]

“The prisoner has escaped.” The way this is shot, it looks like he’s talking about the cat.

Hmm, I do love the decor. Very 60s. This honestly immediately feels like a different show, and a much more dated show; even when the Enterprise time travels, it tends not to time travel to... office space.

Love the little sounds the computer makes.

So is Isis supposed to be one of the fancy aliens? It’s never explained but one must assume she is.

Aw, he’s petting her paw.

So I assumed the cats sounds are real, but just dubbed. They’re not lol. Which I guess isn’t surprising: this cat makes a lot of noises! They were provided by a human voice actress.

Damn.... I want a secret bookshelf that turns around to reveal a super computer with a big screen. “Computer... play Netflix.”

That’s what Seven does in his spare time.

The computer is an AI. “Beta 5 snobbery” lol.

Where are OUR alien overlords to stop US from destroying ourselves before WE can mature into a peaceful society?

This is really masterful exposition lol. Not forced or awkward at all.

ST sure does love the snooty female computer trope.

“Get us the proper costumes.” Yes, get Spock his Requisite Hat.

Omicron IV....that’s one of the names they use in Futurama lol. Such nerds.

Another excellent Spock Hat.

I love Seven’s various IDs. Great style. I wish my driver’s license looked like those.

“Who do you think you are?” He hasn’t decided yet. That’s why he was shifting through his IDs.

Seven is not smart lol. Like, he should have figured out way faster that this lady isn’t one of the Alien Overlords. He asks her the code question, she doesn’t understand it, and he... assumes she’s just really in character? Dude, that’s what the code questions are for!!! To help you identify people! Otherwise you could just straight up ask: are you an alien?

Instead he’s like “oh, you silly alien, you’re playing with me,” and then is forced to trap her, reveal his whole mission, and ultimately ensnare her in his plan.

I want that typewriter. Voice recognition typewriter.

"My incompetence has made you aware of very secret devices." Well at least he knows.

Trained cat!

The alien overlords were killed in a random car accident. That’s ironic.

Oh look, a real rocket!

Brown pants + short sleeved shirt + tie is such a Classic 60s look.

This security guard doesn’t think it’s weird that this random dude has a cat with him? Is this part of Isis’s alien power?

Except for the part where it’s a weapon, it’s pretty cool to see all this build up to, like... launching stuff into space. Exciting.

Isis likes to be on shoulders. Just like Little Guy.

New hat for Spock. His outer wear hat, and now his fancy hat. There is something to be said for this ep, and that is Kirk and Spock in suits.

Amazing how they literally launched rockets with computers that old. Like seeing the big bank of primitive computers is totally wild. We put people on the moon that way! Amazing.

“Meow.” Lol, Isis is stressed so she’s speaking like a cat. That’s a pretty funny joke actually.

Seven is so incompetent. If he’d just let the Enterprise help, Scotty could have fixed that rocket issue in like 3 seconds.

Lol everyone’s just pulling Gary through space. Now on the Enterprise. Now in the office.

Why does this computer have a hug black screen if it only displays images on the small white circle?

"Spock and  I in custody. Main characters, doing nothing, knowing nothing, totally useless and irrelevant. I have never felt more helpless." Literally what is even the point of them today? Does Spock even have lines outside of “I like the cat”?

Isis is jealous of Roberta. Is she.. in a relationship with Seven lol?

Uhura is listening to everyone in the world. She probably has a universal translator on, but I do feel like this scene implies she just...understands all the languages.

So now the warhead is armed and heading to somewhere vague... in other words, everyone has collectively made the situation worse.

....Or this was Seven’s plan all along? To scare people into ceasing to be so careful with nuclear weaponry? As someone who knows humans better than this guy, I think this is a dumbass plan.

“That’s why so many people in my generation are kind of crazy and rebels.” Same, sweetheart.

Really this is just a story about bad communication. If Seven had told Kirk his plan upfront, Kirk would have helped him. And if Kirk weren’t so insistent on involving himself in something just because he happens to be somewhere he probably shouldn’t be, we wouldn’t have this issue either. The hubris of everyone.

Overall, just a really forced narrative imo.

Or that’s how it was supposed to be lol. The Irony of time travel. By it’s nature, everything has already worked out.

Kirk and Spock are like “You’re welcome. Peace out.”

Honestly... Isis was the only good part. Such a talented cat actor!! Or trio of cat actors, I guess. Had to do all those stunts and stuff.. .amazing. I also liked the concept of Isis. How she turned into a human later just to troll Roberta. How she’s never really explained--one must assume, an alien? Plus I pretty much never get tired of human + animal teams where the animal makes animal noises and the human just understands and answers in English.

As a stand alone sci fi concept...it was okay. Kinda dated by now. The alien tech was nifty and Roberta could have grown on me. Maybe even Seven, though he left a lot to be desire. That said, the narrative relied a lot on people getting in each other’s way for no reason, which I find very frustrating.

But as a Star Trek episode....no. The main characters were just nuisances on the side lines!! I’m not even sure what Kirk’s mission here was--to try to figure out what Seven was doing? And stop him if necessary? But he never really decided if it was or not, until the point where not trusting him would basically cause a nuclear war? I don’t know, I found it all very frustrating. The melding of the original show and the spinoff was not smooth.

If I were watching this in 1968, I’d feel very cheated. THIS was the season finale? That’s it? I don’t even get a real Star Trek episode and now I have to wait months for anything new?

And what I get after all that waiting is Spock’s Brain?? I’d be tempted to quit. If I had a tumblr in 1969 I’d be writing multi-paragraph rants about how the best show on television has completely nose-dived lol.

But then there’s The Enterprise Incident, which is one of the best episodes... I don’t know, man. It’s a conundrum. I’ve only seen maybe half of season 3 but from what I remember it’s very uneven: some of the best eps (The Enterprise Incident, For the World Is Hollow, Day of the Dove) mixed in with some of the worst (Spock’s Brain, The Paradise Syndrome), plus some that are good concepts but shoddily executed (The Way to Eden). So we’ll see what I think about it when I see it all in one piece, in air date order.

[gobbluthbutagirl]

in case anyone wants to know how my interview went yesterday:

so basically they had me drive a half hour out there just to tell me they didn’t think i was qualified lmao. like you could’ve just told me that over the fucking phone instead of wasting my time lmao! but like even before that i was realizing i absolutely did not want this job. i was supposed to call the guy i was interviewing with when i got there and i literally had to call him 3 times before he picked up(and ofc he had no voicemail either) so like, red flag number one. then the moment i walked through the doors into the actual bakery i started having like war flashbacks to my old job and i was just like ‘oh my god i do not want to go through this again’. THEN the actual interview started and just fyi for those who have never worked in a bakery/restaurant kitchen/etc they are really fucking loud. and this man was barely speaking above a whisper. so ofc i could hardly even hear his questions. it lasted less than five minutes and at the end he told me verbatim ‘based on your resume, your experience is not enough, so we will not be moving forward with your application’ LIKE YOU’VE LITERALLY HAD MY RESUME THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME SO WHY’D YOU EVEN CALL ME OUT HERE GENIUS??? so i was just like, ‘well, thank you for your time’ and then i got the fuck out of there as quickly as possible.

and then here’s where the REALLY fun part comes in. i was literally less than ten minutes away from my airbnb when i got into a crash that totaled my car. my car which is still filled with boxes and boxes of stuff i was keeping in there until i move out of my airbnb and into more permanent housing. i was mostly uninjured except for a cut on my leg and some scuffed up fingers from the airbag deploying(basically i was t-boned on the passenger side so my car took the brunt of the impact) but my car was beyond repair. i still don’t know if/to what extent all the stuff i had in the back was damaged. a ceramic travel mug that was in the passenger side cupholder survived the impact but the plug part of my phone charger(which was plugged into the center console) did not. the fire department got there first, then the cops. they took down the information(but apparently the other driver and i have to actually go online and file the report ourselves due to some recent law change) then asked if i had a ride/anybody i could call to come pick me up. i was like, ‘no, i don’t, i’m from south carolina, my family is 2500 miles away, i’ve been here for 3 days and i literally know nobody.’ the cop was like, ‘well, i can either impound your car and you can come pick up your belongings and pay the fee later or you can have the tow truck guy tow your car and go with him, but either way it won’t be cheap.’ i was basically hysterical at this point and i was like ‘it doesn’t matter just do whatever’ and she was like ‘ma’am i can’t just do whatever you have to make the decision yourself.’ so i ended up calling my dad to get his opinion and the tow truck guy talked to him directly and we ended up going with that option.

so i rode to the collision center with the tow truck guy then called geico to file a claim(which according to the collision center guy was a much faster way to get a rental than using the app), then ended up being on the phone with the geico guy for about an hour. by the time it was all said and done with my phone battery was about 40%, and by the time i was in the rental car it was down to 26%. but here comes the kicker: not even ten minutes after i left the rental car place i was involved in ANOTHER collision. fortunately this time it was super minor and the police didn’t need to be called; i just exchanged information with the guy and he drove off. but i was thoroughly shaken at this point and i was like ‘i am never driving again for the rest of my life’. also my phone was down to 13% by now. so i called the rental car place and explained what happened, and they said i could either bring the car back or have it towed back. well obviously i did not want to drive that car back to the rental place(plus, as i noticed later, i had gotten a flat tire at some point before/during/after the collision) so i called the tow truck guy, who said he was towing another car but he would get there as soon as he could. my phone was at 5% during this conversation, which quickly became 1% and essentially rendered me unable to use it for fear of it dying completely and leaving me with no way to get back to my airbnb. i wound up standing there waiting for about an hour and at one point this man literally pulled his car over to the side of the road and got out so he could hand me his business card ‘in case i ever wanted to hang out’. like thanks dude good to know i’m hot i guess but can you not see that i am literally in the middle of a crisis right now? fortunately though that guy wasn’t the only one who pulled over and the other guy was actually sane and stood there waiting with me so i didn’t have to wait alone, which i really appreciated.

anyway the tow truck guy finally got there a little while later and i rode with him back to the rental place, where he tried to convince me to get another rental and i was just like ‘nope, i’m never driving again’. they wound up putting the rental on hold so i could come back and get one if i changed my mind but like. i’m not changing my mind lmao i’m not getting behind the wheel again until i’m familiar enough with the area that i don’t have to rely on google. which is most definitely going to take longer than the week that a rental car would be covered by my insurance. so i rode around and talked with the tow truck guy for a while before he eventually brought me back to my airbnb, where i proceeded to stand in the kitchen in my underwear and eat ricotta cheese straight out of the tub and then cry in the shower and in bed for at least an hour. it was like 9:30am when i left my airbnb and 8:00 in the evening when i finally made it back. i fell asleep close to 11 then woke up at 2, tried for an hour to fall back asleep then gave up, called my mom(thank god for time differences) and talked for like 90 minutes, then eventually managed to get a few more hours of sleep.

so yeah, my life basically got turned upside down yesterday. i’m out at least $550 for the rental car, and my stuff is still sitting in my totaled car at the collision center. i think i’m gonna end up renting a storage unit for it bc i don’t want myself or anyone else to have to deal with lugging my 100+ pound rock collection up and then down all the stairs at my airbnb. on the bright side my anustart vanity plate is still in perfect condition but on the downside the front bumper of my car basically fell off and is now inside my car on top of all my belongings. and i’m stuck using uber or public transportation for the foreseeable future and basically when i transition from the airbnb to wherever i end up living i’m gonna have to fly my dad out to help me move, which is gonna be another large chunk out of my savings. and all because that fucking bakery couldn’t just tell me over the phone that they didn’t think i was qualified.

[i4z-0892-il]

Monster House 7

Summary: Posing as Newlyweds Sam and Y/n set out to investigate what’s killing the visitors of a secluded Inn, and attempt to keep their working relationship professional.

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word count: 4884

Warnings: NSFW, 18+ Only, suggestive themes, language, smut

A/N: tropes, tropes, tropes!! Well here’s another wall of text y’all! 

Immerse yourself in the story, Buy Sam’s Scent Here from @scentsfromthebunker (And damn does it smell goooooood)

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Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

No one wants to tell you how much effort is involved in digging up a six foot deep grave armed with nothing but a couple of old rusty shovels and sheer willpower. No one wants to tell you how long it takes either. The Sun was going to be up in the next hour or so, and the cover of darkness was a necessary precaution when it came to gravedigging. When Sam’s shovel struck something hard and hollow you could not have been more thrilled. Your eyes met his, as he moved to get a better angle. 

Sam jammed the spade of his shovel between the lid of the coffin and the side prying it open with creaking wood and a crack of relief as the lid came loose. 

“…The hell?” Sam’s face twisted in confusion as he lifted the top, hazel eyes moved back to you as he shoved the lid to the side of the hole revealing an empty coffin.

“Well that can’t be a good sign.” You announced, just as puzzled as Sam.

“You’re sure he said he was buried here?”

“No Sam, I just made it up so we could pointlessly dig a hole in the middle of the night for fun.” You rolled sarcastic eyes at him.

“Hey, I know how much you love digging holes. So if he’s not here-”

“Then just where the fuck is he?”

Together, you and Sam dug up the next grave, Mrs. Wellington’s body- also gone.

 In less than an hour the night sky would turn and Sunrise would come all too quickly. Time was up, none left to double check the coffins of the children, but the conclusion was that it would be a fruitless effort regardless. They would likely be gone. The two of you shoveled the dirt back into the holes and set to hike back to the Inn.

“So… How do we stop a ghost that doesn’t have bones?” You asked, wiping sweat from your brow with the back of your dirty hand.

“Better question is what took them?” Sam replied. 

The snap of a branch echoed through the trees and you both stopped in place, cautious eyes scanning the woods around you. In an instant you were transported back to the Wilderness of West Virginia, that fateful day. Had it followed you? Was that even possible? Was there more than one? You never spoke about it, never spoke aloud what happened to your family in fear that the White Thing would somehow find you again to finish the job. 

Sam put a large hand on your shoulder, gathering your attention and pointing about thirty yards north to a little blip of light strobing between the trees. You certainly weren’t alone, but your anxiety quelled at the notion of it being literally anything other than the White Thing. When you and Sam moved it was in stealth, following the light back to the rotting house you found the day before. The light turned off, and the shadow of a tall man wrestled with the lock on the door for a moment before the loud clattering of chains fell to the forest floor.

“Same guy from yesterday.” You said. Same height, same hunched over posture. The bag he dragged behind him had a body in it no doubt. The stench from the kitchen was far to foul to be anything other than a body, it wasn’t a far leap to guess what this bag was filled with too. He disappeared into the house followed by the sound of clacking locks. You followed Sam to the back of the house to the busted basement window. It was easy going in when no one was home, far harder to screw up the courage when you didn’t quite know what was locked in the house with you.

“Are you strapped?” Sam asked, you gaped at him. What nerve. You tugged up the back of your shirt where your handgun was tucked into the lining of your jeans.

“Uh, yeah Sam. I’m not an amateur.” You snarked, it came out a little bitchier than you’d intended, but Sam didn’t seem too bothered giving you a dimpled grin in response. To be fair you had a right to be sarcastic. You’d been doing this just over half your life. Left home at 15 and never looked back. It was rough in the beginning, learning the ropes. Thankfully you were a pretty quick study; save for some bumps, bruises and scars along the way, you managed. 

Sucking in a deep breath you readied yourself to climb back into that dank basement. Sam was looking at you, you could see him in your peripheral, sizing you up and gauging your reactions. Surely he noticed your hesitation, but he gave you the much needed moment before offering to step in for you. The idea of Sam, gigantic, humongous, Sam trying fit through that tiny ass window? Ha! You’d pay good money to see him try but now wasn’t the time.

You let out a huff, breath coming out as mist dissipating in the air, before setting to your task and climbing into the window again. Boots hit the dirt floor with a soft thud as you allowed time for your eyes to adjust to the pitch. Barely visible shapes of shelves bloomed in your sight, your hands slid along the wall careful of your surroundings as you tried to make it blindly to the cellar door. Sam watched you disappear into the dark, moving to the door for the tell tale sound of the log being moved. 

A full minute passed, and the edges of paranoia crept in. You were still trying to find your way, it was too dark in there, he should have given you a light.

30 more seconds. He’d give you 30 seconds to find the door. Much too impatient for that he stepped back to the broken window, whistling a bird call. When you didn’t reply with a call of your own his panic was full blown. Something was wrong. 

He wouldn’t fit through the window. He couldn’t break through the log sealing the cellar doors, and even if he thought he could, it would waste too much time trying. The open window on the second floor was too high, even for his height. There was no way he’d break through the locks on the front door. The windows were all boarded from the inside. The scenarios whipped through his head like a meteor shower, all of them landing back exactly where he was, helpless. 

A loud crash from inside the house ripped him from his thoughts, then gunfire. And another crash. Before he had a chance to think again his feet moved, following the sounds of struggle, and pain. Fingers dipped into a soft spot along the outside of the wall, he stopped on the spot, brow furrowing in thought. The wall was squishy there, bloated with water, mold, and old termite damage. He pressed both hands into the wall and like a sponge it gave way, just enough to give him hope.

Another scream ripped from your throat, and it was all the confirmation Sam needed to plow his shoulder into the wall, and tear through it like tissue paper. He stumbled into the room with the closet pulling his gun from the back of his jeans. Another scream, more in pain than the last, and he rounded the corner into the kitchen, a struggling body writhed on the table, as something pinned it to the table face down.

“Y/N!” Sam shouted, unloading three rounds into the back of the shadowed figure. It stood upright, and turned on heel to face him, taller, and broader than even Sam was.

“Sam! Ghoul!” You screamed as you rolled off the table , hitting the ground with a thud. Sam adjusted his aim, Ghouls meant headshots. With a bang the silver bullet let loose ripping through the forehead of the shadow, reducing it to a heap on the ground. Over as quickly as it had begun. On instinct Sam found you, pulling you into his arms.

“Hey, you alright?”  He asked, helping you to your feet. Out of breath and exhausted you let out a laugh.

“Just fuckin’ peachy.” You muttered. You snagged the ends of the body filled plastic bag the Shadow had drug in, clutching the tender spot at your side with a grunt. “Lets’s get the fuck out of here.”

Sam agreed, grabbing the body of the Shadow, and leading the way out the front door. The moonlight illuminated your attacker. Probably the groundskeeper based on the coveralls, and the smell of sweat, dirt, body odor and death; you were now sure the putrid scent wouldn’t wash off no matter how many showers you took.

“Jinkies. Why is it always the groundskeeper?” You said, enthusiasm lacking severely in your tone. Sam crouched tearing a hole in the black plastic trash bag. Sure enough, a body,

“Nolan…” He sighed, disappointment setting in. The man from the parlor earlier that night. “He said his wife was sick, he looked pretty rough himself.”

“Worse now.” You replied.

“How did this happen right under our noses?” Sam questioned. He should have seen it coming. Sam usually got more involved in cases than you did. He always found a way to connect with people, always cared. People trusted him, it was the puppy dog eyes you thought. He just had a specific charm that cut through the walls of anyone. You loved that about him. Other people loved that about him. On the other hand, you were not so warm and fuzzy. Of all the descriptors in the world “people person” was not among them; you never knew what to say to make it better when he beat himself up over a loss. But you admired that he gave a damn enough to still feel anything anymore.

“Sam, we were out digging graves all night. We couldn’t possibly have known. Hell, we were pretty sure it was a ghost until like literally right now.” You said, dropping a hand to rest on his shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze. Looking past him at the body it became clear what Sam meant. The body was still warm, but Nolan was sickly looking, not just the dead kind of sickly, spent, and sallow, greying in pallor even for a freshly dead body. The Ghoul hadn’t even gotten the chance to chomp into him yet. “Did he say how long he was sick for?”

“No. But I got the impression that whatever the Wife was sick with hit her pretty quick.” Sam said with a shake of his head. This explained how parts of the bodies were being found. The Ghoul ate what it wanted and scattered the rest throughout the grounds.

“ If I’m right, and I usually am- If this was the groundskeeper, how much do you want to bet he was talking to one of the Overly-Friendly Innkeepers yesterday?”

“Think they’re in on it too?” He asked.

“I have some suspicions.” You answered. Fucking. Esmeralda. That woman rubbed you the wrong way from the first second, if there was something else fishy going on you’d stake your life on the claim that she was behind it. Something wasn’t adding up, and it stunk, like Esmeralda. Ugh, no. She probably wears designer perfume and smells amazing.

Disposing of the bodies was quick but messy. Nolan deserved to be salted and burned, but the ghoul… just to be sure it was dead you and Sam dismembered it, and buried it in the dirt basement. Time seemed to speed up with the Sunrise, and you barely made it back to the Inn before the sky lit up entirely.

Sam helped you shrug out of your jacket. A fresh, but shallow bite mark on your left shoulder was just one of two injuries you sustained, The other was a piece of wood sticking out just over your ribcage. That was going to suck. Bumps and bruises aside you walked away from the fight in pretty good condition. You’ve suffered far worse on hunting trips, this was cake.

“What happened in there?” He asked, the shame in his voice was palpable. It was guilt. Guilt that he wasn’t the one who climbed in and got hurt. Guilt over the fact that you didn’t even want to be there, that you hated this job, that you hated this lifestyle, and he put you in danger. It should have been him.

“I don’t know- he grabbed me out of the black, and the next thing I knew he was trying to take a bite out of me.” You answered. Sam’s  fingers brushed over the supple skin at the back of your neck raising goosebumps in the wake of his touch as he pulled the collar of your blood soaked shirt to the side to inspect the bite. Turning into a monster was the last thing you wanted to worry about, but you couldn’t remember if Ghoulishness was communicable or not. No, of course it wasn’t. Well… maybe. No. It’s not. But it could be. How the fuck were Ghouls even formed? You couldn’t think straight with Sam’s hands on you. “Is it bad? I’m not going to turn into a Ghoul am I?” 

“Uhm… I don’t think this is a bite.” Sam replied, humor in his tone, as he looked at three large dots in a perfectly straight line just above your shoulder blade. Either it was the oddest bite mark on Earth or…

“Well what is it then?”

“Best guess. A fork?” He answered.

“What?”

“It uh- it looks like you were stabbed with a fork. You’re up to date on your tetanus I hope?”

“Are you serious? I got fucking stabbed with a fork?” You questioned, standing up to inspect it yourself in the mirror hanging on the wall. 

“Better than being bitten right?”

“Ah ha ha ha. You think you’re funny don’t you?” You snarked, a pleased little smile graced Sam’s lips as he poured alcohol over the little punctures, like pouring lemon juice over papercuts, and then placed a single wide bandaid over it. “Thanks, Doc, am I cured now?”

“Not yet, let’s see those ribs.” He commanded. A little more than happy to oblige you struggled to tug your soiled t-shirt over your head. Some of those stains weren’t coming out, and it was one of your favorites. Sam stepped up to help, fingers grazing over your bare skin as he freed you. There it was, over your left rib cage a large black and purple bruise, with a large chunk of wood buried deep under the skin and out the other side. Hed it been any less intriguing to look at his eyes certainly would have fixed lower than you face. He could see you half naked a thousand times and you would never stop taking his breath away. But he was a gentleman, and you had made your professionalism clear, even though you called to him in your sleep. 

“Oh gross.” You exclaimed upon seeing the biggest splinter you’d ever gotten. No, not a splinter, you straight up got stabbed with a piece of wood. 

The struggle was real, he caught you completely off guard, you didn’t hear him, didn’t know the houl was down there in the dark with you until he clamped a large hand over your mouth and wrapped you up in arms too thick and strong for you to do much. But he wasn’t counting on you giving him the struggle of a lifetime. 

“I’ve never had living flesh before.” He taunted. Kicking and biting all the way up the stairs you finally saw an opportunity and dug your feet into the doorframe refusing to go any further, pushing back hard enough to knock him off balance and drop you. You hit the floor and rolled yanking your handgun from the back of your jeans and unloading 3 rounds into his chest, but he kept coming stalking towards you getting angrier with each bullet. He whipped a hand across your face, before grabbing you by the shoulders and slamming you onto an end table which collapsed beneath you splintering into shards, then pain. Yanking you up by the hair he threw you into the kitchen table and then he was on you. That sick rancid smell of rotting meat and death permeating every sense. Until gunfire, and Sam.

“You know this means we have to stay longer.” Sam stated, as he set to work trying to figure out the best extraction method. It was deep but nothing punctured, a clean through and through. Best thing to do was just pull it out. 

“Yeah, I figured as much. I’m not thrilled about it, gotta say.” You replied. Sam responded with a  half smile, focused on the task at hand, with a quick motion he yanked the shard of wood straight out of your side. “OW!” You yelped, and shoved his shoulder in mock offense.

“Hard part’s over now.” He said, before pouring more whiskey over the open wound. With a wince you shoved him again. Sam just smiled, and began the less than fun process of sewing up the two large puncture wounds. It would have been easy to watch him work forever. It would have been easy just to watch him do literally anything forever.

“Why are you nervous in the woods?” He asked, out of the blue, and feeling like walking straight into a wall.

“What kind of question is that? You know why, you know what’s you there.” A half truth. Sam saw through it, saw through you.

“Yeah, but I don’t think it’s just that. You’ve been on edge since we pulled in.”

“To be fair I could be back home stuffing my face with pizza rolls with a six pack, binge watching Outlander. But instead I spent the night digging graves. You should be on edge too.” Mmm… Jamie. You had a full docket, wasn’t that enough reason to not want to go traipsing around the woods digging up empty graves under the scrutiny of the weird Staff and getting stabbed with a fork? It was more than justifiable to you.

“That’s how you’d spend your week alone?” Sam asked with a chuckle, snipping the ends of the suture.

“Pfft, I’m not telling you all my secrets.” You replied. Oh but he could imagine the things you might do by yourself. Did you ever think of him? Just once even. What he wouldn’t give for confirmation. The little sounds as you touched yourself, the things you might be thinking in your own head. The thin layer of sweat glistening in the cool night air. His name falling from your lips in a gasp as you came apart. But there was only one secret he was truly interested in.

“Okay, then just tell me one. What’s going on with you?” He said snipping the ends off of the final stitch.

“Look, Sam I’m not going to give you my damn- origin story. I just don’t care much for the woods is all.” You snipped. End of conversation. Shut that shit down. You never told anyone what happened. It was something you intended to take to the grave. It was something you intended to keep locked away even from yourself. So much time and effort went into fighting the memory of that day, you couldn’t just drudge it up for anyone. Sam wasn’t anyone. Could you do it for him?

“Okay. Maybe I misread you. But- uh… If you did. Want to give me your origin story, I would be more than happy to listen.” He reassured, taking your hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. Suddenly you felt guilty for not sharing. It was your story to give if you wanted to, but now it felt like you were just hiding something.

“It’s violent, and bloody, and traumatizing, like everyone else’s. There’s nothing more to it.” You dismissed, moving to grab clean clothes to sleep in, and a towel.

“I don’t think you’re like everyone else.” Sam replied, stopping you in your tracks. If you turned around, if you looked at his face, you’d cave. So you didn’t.

“That doesn’t matter. It’s the same old song and dance. You see something, you lose someone, you search a little too hard and then you get sucked in.” You said and disappeared into the bathroom.

After a night like this, the best cure for any ailment was a steamy shower with the water cranked as hot as you could stand it. Letting it wash over you, carrying away the dirt, the blood, the sin, it was as close to tranquil as you’d ever get. And you were not one to miss out on a shower at a nice hotel. Great water pressure, perfect temperature. Ah, it was like heaven. The nagging in the back of your mind was impossible to ignore. Open up. Just tell him. Just do it. You might feel better. You’ve only kept this secret for a decade and then some. Speaking it into reality doesn’t make it any more or less real or true. It happened, it couldn’t un-happen. You can’t undo it, and it wouldn’t make the pain of that any more bearable if you shared it with someone. And of all people… it was Sam. 

Stepping out of the bathroom finally your eyes immediately landed on Sam pouring over John’s journal. There you were again getting lost in his visage, still covered in dirt, and exhausted beyond measure. You walked up behind him and leaned over his shoulder, between the sweet and floral scent of your shampoo and the feel of your breasts as you leaned against him, he could have melted into your arms. Soft, and warm, if he paused in his mind he could trick himself, for a brief moment, that this was how it always was. 

“Someone’s been busy.” Your eyes scanned the various papers and notes spread over the table in front of him, picking up one of the papers your brow nit at the list. “Vampire, Vetala, Djinn… What is this?”

“I don’t think Nolan and his wife were sick. You saw his corpse he looked sucked dry. I’m trying to find anything that takes the life force to feed. It happened fast, but over time. So it’s not a wraith, or Okami, or a Banshee.” He explained. Something just wasn’t adding up for him, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on it.

“That’s a pretty short list.” 

“No kidding.”

“You’re brilliant, it’ll come to you.” You said, dropping the paper back on the table, and moving to the chair beside him. Pausing and starting and pausing again, you struggled to find the words. Being vulnerable was not a speciality of yours, in fact you did your damndest not to let yourself feel that way. It only led to pain and digging up shit you’d buried for reasons.. But with Sam you weren’t afraid. You knew his story, yours was just as unbelievable, it was only fair. “So, uhm… When I was 15, I was walking through the woods behind our house, it was basically a straight shot home from school, and I used to play in those woods, like… all the time as a kid. But one day it was like the forest was alive and threatening me.”

You made the mistake of looking at his face, fixed in confusion, concern, maybe even adoration. He’d dropped everything, the monsters in the book before him suddenly meant nothing.

“I know how it sounds, but trust me, they- the trees moved, and switched on me, and I got lost, and then. Then there was this stillness, like a vaccuum sucked out all of the air, you could hear a pin drop. And the… White Thing. “ A chill ran down your spine, raising goosebumps, he took your hands in his. “And it was the most terrified I’d ever been, I thought I was going to die, but it handed me this little stone.”  He didn’t believe you, or you were convinced he didn’t. Either way it didn’t matter, you had proof. You stood and walked to the bed, yanking your bag from under it, and rifling through the pockets, finding it with an ah-ha you returned to the table and set the little green stone with a carving in it on the table. Sam’s brow creased as he picked up the stone, his mouth moving to speak, but you cut him off.

“I left it there in the woods. I didn’t touch it. I ran straight home, and eventually passed out I guess. In the morning I got up and uh-… I went to find my brothers, and my parents, It was a blood bath, They were dead, all of them, and this stupid fucking rock was left there. That thing killed them, it was in my home… I was asleep. I didn’t even know.” Sam gave your hands a reassuring squeeze thumbs running over your knuckles as he leaned in until there was nothing but him in your vision. There was empathy in his eyes, no pity, or disbelief. You took in a breath to steady yourself, emotions beginning to peak more than you were comfortable displaying. You sniffed back the tears that threatened to gather.

“I tried to throw it out, back into the woods. Down a well. I buried it. I smashed it. I threw it into a river, a lake, the ocean. I threw it out of a car. Sam I’ve tried to get rid of this thing for almost 15 years. It just keeps coming back.” You said with an exasperated sigh attempting to catch your breath, gripping his fingers tightly. “Anyway… It wasn’t long after that I went searching for answers, and found the life.”

“And here you are.” He said, eyes like a field of sunflowers fixed on yours mesmerized by you.. Heart jumping into your throat you leaned in, closing the space between you to practically nothing.

“Here I am.” You whispered. He was close enough you could feel the warmth from him, you could practically taste him. You wanted more than anything in the entire world to know how his lips tasted. More than anything he wanted to know what yours tasted like.

Knock! Knock!

Nearly jumping out of your skin, and now boiling you turned a rage filled head to the door stomping to it more than happy to give that perfect little shit a piece of your mind. It was barely past 6am and Esmeralda was already trying to sink her claws into Sam? Yanking the door open you started in.

“Look I don’t know what your deal is but-” It was Derek! And he looked mortified. “Oh, shit I’m sorry! I  thought you were someone else.” Not that it made it any better.

“Good morning, Mrs. Wesson, I thought you might be awake. Pardon the interruption. Breakfast will be served shortly, but I wanted to deliver you this. For the Masquerade Ball tomorrow night.”

“I’m sorry, did you say Masquerade?” The dumbfounded look on your face must have been entertaining because Derek chuckled and handed the box to you. Sam stood up and walked to the door, hearing Derek’s voice and hearing about a delivery was more than enough for his interest to pique past disappointment at what just transpired- or rather, what didn’t. He stepped in close resting a hand at your hip, happy to play the territorial husband.

“Yes, in carrying on the tradition set down by the Wellington’s. This year’s theme is Heaven and Hell.” Derek explained.

“How charming. If there’s one thing I love more than a Ball, it’s a Masquerade. What is this box for?” What’s in the box? What’s in the boooxxx?! Brad Pitt. No, but really there better not be a human heart or something weird.

“Well, forgive the assumption, but you don’t strike me as the type to typically shop for such occasions, I sent for a few things for you.”

“You- I’m sorry, you sent for a few things?” You clarified, because clearly there was blood in your ear or something. Peeking into the box you gasped, and shook your head trying to hand the box back. “This is like a lot of money’s worth of a few things Derek. I’m sorry I can’t accept this.”

“But I insist, you may return them after the night is over, but in the meanwhile I think they will suit you.” Derek said, not taking no for an answer and stepping away from the door.

“Thanks…” You replied, unsure and a little confused. Turning to face Sam you kicked the door shut.

“There’s a really fancy dress and jewelry and stuff in this box.” Panic. You were in panic mode now. You were expected to wear that stuff- and lets not even touch how creepy-weird it is that the fucking Innkeeper just “sent for a few” really expensive, but also really pretty things for you! Ew! Weird! Pretty… You were expected to wear high heels.

“Well, if we’re going I guess I need to go into town later.” Sam said.

Tags:

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@alexwinchester23​

@notnaturalanahi​

@lydklein1​

@mrswhozeewhatsis​

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@platypusdragon-writing​

@starrynight780

@holylulusworld​

@tally21112​

@saxxxology

[darkestwolfx]

Long Haul - Re-Review #48

Okay, I think I managed to reply to most people yesterday, but I had over a hundred odd notifications to scroll through - so if I missed your comment, I’m really sorry! So, moving on to today’s review.

It’s all nice and steady, business as usual, and there’s even some lovely peaceful music until we get to the ‘duh-dun’ part and in comes trouble.

“All ships divert from bay 2:1 and await further instructions.”

“Bravo Two Four, I gave an order to divert.”

“Sorry control, missed that.”

Okay, it wasn’t their fault, as such, there’s very little you can do about radio interference, but these things will happen and cause chaos. At least it wasn’t deliberate for once!

“We hit something! How bad is it?”

“We’re going into meltdown!”

That bad is your answer, mate.

“Space Hub One, come in. This is International Rescue. Do you need assistance?”

“This is Controller Conrad. Our core is ruptured, the coolant unit is leaking, and we’re going into meltdown. Apart from that, everything is fine.”

Yes, that makes everything sound just peachy! I wouldn’t cool that everything is fine. Apart from what? Everything is dying on you basically. Meltdown is pretty... finite?

“Do you have an EVAC in progress?”

“Yes, I’m riding the power controls to buy time until everyone is out. But I’m only delaying the meltdown. I can’t stop it.”

“Alan, you reading this? You need to get up there.”

“FAB John, I’m on my way.”

Hooray for Thunderbird Three! Although, did Alan leave with any plan other than to get Conrad who was going to evacuate anyway? It seems like John was predicting a rescue would be needed here, which isn’t a bad thing, I just wasn’t entirely clear on the reasoning. On the one hand, you’ve got predicting something before it happens which is great; but on the other, you’ve got acting too soon, which then dragged Thunderbird Two up, when maybe Virgil could have just gone with Alan? I know it’s all for the sake of story, so I’m not going to dwell here for long.

“Conrad, time to get out of there.”

“Okay, I’m heading out.”

Apparently, according to the writers with their hands of God, you are not!

“Alan, Conrad was still on board when the comms went down. He was about to evac, but I don’t know if he made it.”

“If he’s there, I’ll find him. I got him! But he’s not moving, and life signs are very weak. One wrong more and the whole thing will break apart.”

Just to my penny’s worth in here, very cheery start to the episode! No, really, it was nice to see an episode which did just get straight down to business and save the humour for later, really heightened the tension. I do love episodes where we just get to dive right into the deep, there’s something rewarding in them me thinks.

“This is the duty log of Space Controller Conrad, Space Hub One. I’m running out of air and time. I don’t know if anyone will hear this... I hope everyone else made it out. This is all my fault, I should have spotted that cruiser. I’m sorry.”

I really liked this guest character! They gave us so much backstory for him too and the music! I just loved it all. I will be honest, teared a bit at that speech. It’s like he was leaving a message on the log, expecting it to be his last, expecting to die there, and still thinking of others regardless.

“Brains, how do I get into this thing?”

The music behind this conversation was also awesome!

“You can’t cut through. That chute is designed to withstand meteor hits and collisions with space debris. And I’ve got worst news.”

“Of course you do.”

“Oxygen levels have reached critical. Conrad is running out of air.”

Skipping a bit here and keeping the focus on these two, all alone in space - I really felt for Alan and Conrad here. They were so close an yet so far.

“Alan, I don’t want anyone else to be put in danger because of me.”

“Hey, we’re International Rescue. It’s what we do! And I’m gonna stay right here until we open the door.”

Alan really has grown. If this mission had been put on him in Series 1, I don’t think he would have been able to cope, what with his focus then on being able to go on missions, and being allowed to spread his wings. Series 2 for Alan is really an example of how he begins to balance his love and excitement for what he does, with a practical working attitude like his brothers. and actually, he is really good at in this episode.

“So, Conrad, how do you become a Space Controller?”

“You’re making conversation to try and take my mind of the meltdown, aren’t you?”

“Nooooo....”

He so is!

“It’s okay, I haven’t got anything better to do. I always wanted to see the world. I mean, really see it.”

Uh, perfect description of how John feels?

“Now all I want is to see my home again.”

“And where is that?”

“Slough. My family still live there. And they’re all heroes. My brother’s a firefighter, the other’s a paramedic, and my sister’s a police officer. Do you have any idea how much pressure that is?”

Uh, perfect description of Alan? Of course he knows what that feels like.

“I can try to imagine.”

“I just wanted to make them proud of me. I mean, space! That’s a pretty big deal right? And I blew it. I didn’t react fast enough.”

“It was an emergency situation. You responded as fast as you could and you got everyone out safely.”

“Everyone but me.”

One of the most emotional discussions in TAG? i think so. And it didn’t matter that it was involving a guest character, because they said everything which needed to be said. The Tracy boys may be our heroes, and they may battle with much higher levels to live up to, but there are families out there who have the same struggles. I really think this will have resonated with people out there. It’s hard to not resent elder siblings when you feel like they are constantly above you and we sort of saw Alan going through that in Series 1. Conrad was a good person for him to meet - this scene was thought-provoking, powerful, and reflective. Everything it should have been.

Now back to the whole Tracy Island interlude.

Personally, I love the silent moments we had which begun this scene. Virgil and Scott silently walking into the room, and the looks whilst they wait to find out whether they’re too late... I really felt that. Sometimes we don’t need words in a scene to convey emotions. I mean, did you see the way Alan’s shoulders dropped when he thought there wasn’t going to be an answer, and the way the boys looked at Brains? Said it all.

“Then we need a plan fast. The temperature is still rising and we’re running out of time before the whole thing blows!”

“Ok, Brains, give us a run down of our options.”

“I admire your optimism in thinking we have more than one.”

Brains, please try not to pessimistic for one episode? It’s hard, I know, and it’s ironic of me to ask him that, because I am also a pessimist so would probably be doing the exact same! Ironic, I know, but really, that got me.

“Without a working coolant unit, the power core will keep overheating until meltdown. But it’s too damaged for repairs. we need to replace it.”

“Ok, where do we get a replacement?”

“Right here. We use the same cooling system for the power system on Tracy Island. And I have a back-up.”

Of course he does, this is Brains we’re talking about! Always ready, like a Scout right? I wasn’t a Scout, so I might be wrong on that one.

“Great! Problem solved.”

I love how Scott was turning to leave, striding away all purposefully to go and get everything!

“It’s not that simple. That coolant unit is massive. The one at the space hub was transported bit by bit. It took weeks.”

“And we don’t have weeks. Is there a vehicle that could take it in one piece?”

“Thunderbird Three, but-”

And we all know what’s coming next!

“But disconnecting it from the hub means no life support for Conrad.”

Thank you, Scott.

“You said we had one option?”

Yes. Yes he did. Shall we find out what it was?

“Thunderbird Two could carry it.”

“Uh.. I think you’re forgetting the whole ‘in space’ part of the mission. Thunderbird Two is not a space ship.”

Listen to Scott, ever the obvious! No, really I love how ‘eldest brother’ he acted in this episode.

“I think it could break free of Earth’s gravity and make it to the space hub.”

“You think? We need to be sure.”

See, big brother! I really love it when he acts like that.

“I don’t know about this, Virgil, what do you think?”

“Well, Scott, I think Thunderbird two is going into space!”

Space, Space, Space! I feel like it’s a new catch phrase! Let’s see how many times I can fit the word into this next section of the Review.

“Hey Brains, when you’re done here, can you make Thunderbird Four into a spaceship too?”

*Watch as Brains’ face literally lights up, and then Scott proceeds to crush his dreams. Payback for Gordon and the Panda?*

“Uh, let’s not get carried away here guys! Besides we need Thunderbird Four standing by as a submarine!”

“FAB. But could you blame a guy for asking?”

“Right!”

Look at those faces! Scott is sick of it already.

New version of the countdown? Love it.

“Thunderbird Two is go-ing into space! Woo-hoo! Going into space! Going into space! Going into space! Going into space!”

Virgil has been to space before, this is nothing new for him... except it’s in Thunderbird Two and that must be like his absolute dream! It’s one thing to go in Thunderbird Three with Alan as a co-pilot, it’s another thing entirely to take your own ship up, and on a maiden voyage of sorts. I love the excitement in this scene - and I’m a little surprised Scott didn’t admonish the whooping over the radio!

“Ok, but keep monitoring. Closely.”

Oh, wait, that’s why, he’s too busy worrying his every last nerve! Fairly so though, I think I would have done the same.

“Come on, old friend, you can do this.”

And the faith here? I don’t think I could ever have as much faith in technology and machinery as these boys do and I think that is a testament to them, what they do, and their equipment. Connections really do mean everything, and I know we had this discussion in one of the comment sections, but I think it really is possible that these 2060 epic works of machinery are sentient.

“Only a few thousand metres to go.”

“We made it!

And we have lift off! The dream is a reality.

“You have pizza?”

“No, I was joking.”

Meanie. Alan took you seriously. Although why I don’t know!

And the rescue is pulled off with success! Back to Earth we go, after another ‘Thunderbird; debate;

“This way, I get to ride in Thunderbird Two. I mean, it is the coolest Thunderbird.”

“Right?”

New catchphrase for Virgil?

“I’m choosing to ignore that.”

“Virgil, it’s your heat shields! They took took much damage on launch. Thunderbird two is going to burn up on re-entry!”

“Virgil, I’m coming for ya’!”

“It’s too late, Alan. Thunderbird Two is caught in Earth’s gravity.”

Yes, Scott, just shove Brains out of the way! I must admit I love that scene.

“Virgil, you guys have to bail out in the pod.”

“Negative, Scott. Can’t do it.”

“We can build another Thunderbird Two. We can’t rebuild you!”

That line still gets me. It’s so poignant.

“Eject, now!”

Virgil won’t do that. He’s a go down with your ship kinda guy.

“He’s right.”

And that is Brains’ way of saying that he should have thought of that! Really, Conrad is actually very, very smart. I think he should have been offered a job on the spot. I mean, that’s a pretty good interview performance, right?

“Conrad’s plan just might work.”

“Might?”

“It might definitely work!”

“I hope so.”

So do we all, Scott.

“Come on Thunderbird Two...”

And Thunderbird Two does. Hooray! The underwater landing was quite entertaining as well.

Now for a happpy shot.

“I should have reacted quicker.”

Stop being so hard on yourself! I think he’s one of the good ones.

“Hey, your quick thinking up there saved us. And Thunderbird Two.”

“So Conrad...”

Little shoulder bump! Love it.

“What’s next?”

“I’ll drop in and see my family in Slough and then it’s back to the Hub.”

He’ll have one heck of a story to tell.

“Hey Brains, how long would it take to re-fit Thunderbird Two to take Conrad back up to the Hub?”

“Thanks, but this time I’ll get a ride designed to go into space. Alan?”

“And which Thunderbird is the coolest?”

“Thunderbird Three is the coolest.”

“Yes, it is.”

He deserved a visit to the Island after saving Virgil’s (and his own of course) life like that. He seems like a really smart, switched on kid who just got stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time in a tough situation. I love episodes like this one because it reminds us that everyone on this show is human - even those in the Tracy family.

P.S. Shall we have the coolest Thunderbird debate? Now seems like a good time since the boys have instigated it. Stick your thoughts below if you want to!

[oc-character-development]

A Heist With Markiplier Theory: every video on Mark’s Channel or at least WKM, AHWM and ADWM is set in a different parallel universe:

Spoilers for WKM, ADWM and AHWM. (Also it’s a little messy and all over the place so sorry in advance):

Okay, so I’ve been watching AHWM all of yesterday afternoon and spent all night last night compiling a theory and finding evidence for said theory . This might be the most obvious theory and I might come up with another theory as well (seriously, my WKM theory was like 17 pages long by the end of it so I didn’t post it so I pay attention to details) but, the theory is, all of Mark’s videos are part of a Multiverse and that there are multiple versions of Mark, and this split in universe was caused by what happened in Who Killed Markiplier and is somehow linked to the artefact you stole in the heist (but I haven’t really figured out that part yet so if anyone has any suggestions id appreciate and be grateful for the help 😊):

Evidence:

In the ‘scientist’ path, it is discovered that time is different, something has happened to time, and the possible futures, and pasts, and parallel universes are colliding (which honestly reminded me of Doctor Who series 4 😂) which also links into WKM and Wilford Motherloving Warfstache with the whole things not being quite what they seem and the cause of that is seemingly you.

The ending to the scientist ‘for the greater good’ path it is discovered that you aren’t the source of the shift in parallel universes but the box is. It gets destroyed, and you get sent back to your original timeline to before the heist was even committed with a nicer Mark than the one we had during the heist (but he clearly wasn’t too bad since, he was clearly upset if you tell him the truth of your zombie encounter and that you’ve been bitten by zombie Tyler)

Now what completely took me off guard, was this Mark then turns to you and says ‘now, how about we go on that date?’ Which was clearly a reference to ADWM, therefore placing the events of AHWM before ADWM if you want a timeline. and this is what set my theory off.

Also, just on a different note, as we are talking of timelines and different Marks, literally just before I got that ending, I found ending number 31, the last ending, the one with the link to WKM. And you of course have a chat with our friend, Darkiplier, who we know is Damien after the events of well, ‘Damien’ (sporting a white suit, instead of his dark suit) and he mentions something about different faces of Mark but being the same man and he advised you not to trust Mark. So he clearly knows something is going on especially through the text messages you get sent:

He also questions our ability to remember whether we have met dark before. Canonically, the last time we saw Dark (or Damien and Celine at that point) was when we were in Markiplier Manor. If we are from alternate timelines and they are merging together, that means that we likely wouldn’t remember WKM because that potentially was not our original timeline. (IDK what this point is really).

Wilford also makes an appearance and gets shouted at by Katherine again for almost shooting us 😂 (call back to Markiplier TV) after we are transported to the ‘timeline’ involving an Interview with Markiplier (callback to the video where Warfstache interviews Mark) however he knows about the Artefact, so either we steal it in that timeline or Warstache can jump through timelines and knows we did it through that, which is feasible and likely because of his abilities in MLW and WKM.

Anyway back to more concrete evidence. It would explain why we don’t see Benjamin, The Chef or Abe but we have endings with Dark and Wilford and get characters played by the actors (Mick playing Warden Murder-Slaughter, Robert playing multiple characters but mainly the police guard who’s actually nice but also scary like the chief in WKM and Tyler is a zombie in the zombie outbreak ‘timeline’) and they actually have some characteristics of their characters in WKM but are different people. (Warden Murder Slaughter has Abe’s tendency to say things that can also mean something inappropriate, or strict temper/can’t trust anyone mentality and the police guard is obviously scary like all of Roberts previous characters but is actually quite nice like the chef in WKM).

Also, just a theory inside a theory, it was stated in another ending (the ending where you don’t split up when Mark is dangling from the hole and you fall and he uses the parallel timeline watch thing to escape) there is a ‘timeline’ where AHWM is a movie or TV show (just like ADWM) as we get a glimpse of actor Mark again although not as dramatic as ADWM but it is definitely him which (most likely) makes that parallel timeline we landed in the WKM timeline. Which also might explain how Dark knows those events happen because of Damien being friends with Mark (and probably watched his films) and he must have figured out from Damien’s memory that there had to be a parallel universe where all this is true.

Also, there are numerous mentions of parallel timelines in different routes to the scientist endings (most noticibly the route were you don’t let go of Mark in the cult ending and you end up falling down a hole).

So where am I going with this?

There are at least 4 main actual Marks in the MCU (Markiplier Cinematic Universe hehe, Thanks MatPat for that name, he was brilliant in the video and actually creeped me out a little 😂). And I propose that they are:

Actor/Asshole Mark

AHWM Mark

ADWM Mark

Markiplier

And so each of those videos each exist in their own parallel timeline or universe. But have the same Y/N because time is being weird. But what caused this, or at least where it all started was is the House in WKM in 1920s/30s (according to Tyler’s Benjamin The Butler Stream on Twitch, which also could be explained how they exist in the modern day, time and the state of reality is a mess), maybe Actor Mark used the artefact to help him with the ritual to enable his plan in WKM.

Also, just briefly jumping back to Dark. He fits in this theory. Because, through the fact that he hates Mark and he obviously thinks that Mark is the same in each timeline or body he’s in. So he’s going from each timeline to stop Mark/take over his channel. Also just bringing in ‘Damien’ here, but actor Mark made Damien the villain of the story, and Damien willingly gave into this and he knows what Mark is really like. The reason why I’m bringing all this up is because I think, Dark is just one person, there is one dark and one Wilford, unlike Mick and Robert’s characters (see evidence above) and is travelling through parallel timelines to stop each Mark and trying to save the viewer from him but because this is Mark’s ‘story’ he is the villain.

Anyway that’s my really messy theory that doesn’t make too much sense when writing it down (I’m terrible at explaining things and making sense when I write stuff down) but I hope people liked the theory! And it’s just a theory....and I’m probably wrong 😂... also is it just me that wants MatPat to do a theory on AHWM now... I mean, he was in it after all.

And now I’m going to focus on the fact that JJ might be making a return in Jack’s video tonight as it is his birthday (also, perhaps Anti as well... it is Halloween after all so anything can happen) being part of both Jack and Mark’s community really is tough at this time of year, where we are constantly being set on fire 😂😂

[anonsally]

Days 79-82 of COVID-19 shelter-in-place

These have been four very intense days both globally and personally. This admittedly long post will focus more (but not exclusively) on the personal side of that.

Day 79 was Wednesday. I hadn’t had enough sleep, but I got up at a reasonable hour because I needed a ballet class. Before class started, I got a call from the medical center for scheduling a procedure I need to have done. That will be in 2 weeks, contingent on me testing negative for COVID-19 four days beforehand. I’m anxious about the procedure but will be glad to get it over with after several months of worry. Anyway, ballet class was good for calming me down. 

It was hot out. I did my parents’ grocery shopping (and bought a few things for us) and then had a nice conversation with my dad when I dropped off his groceries. We talked about the state of the world. He told me about a city that had literally fired its entire police department and started over... which is what we probably need on a national level, with very few exceptions. 

I refueled the car on the way home and got a predictably late start on my work day. Wife got two more job interviews scheduled at very different companies. I took a walk, spotting another Steller’s jay at the bird feeders. The jays are so much larger than the little birds who frequent the feeders!

I then went to try to buy milk, but the tiny independent market had closed early to enable the employees to get home before curfew. So I had to go to Trader Joe’s instead. By the time I got home I was somewhat demotivated about food prep, but luckily Wife pulled herself together and scrambled me an egg. I didn’t manage to get to bed till 1am, which was at least an hour later than I’d intended, but Wife was still up at 4am!

Day 80. I forced myself to get up at 8:30 since I knew I would need to go to bed early that night. I arranged to (video-)meet with my boss at 12:30. I started work around 11am or so and got a few thing done. The meeting with my boss was good--partly social, discussing how we were coping with the situation and working from home, what we missed about the office, and such, but we also talked about what I’ve been working on. She reminded me that the study section reviewing my grant application will be meeting this month, so I will have to remember to check my scores.

Afterwards we had a meeting with a few other coworkers, which was fairly productive. I had a short “coffee break” video call with a colleague, too. The county-wide curfew was lifted a day early.

After work, I took a walk in a direction I hadn’t gone in a while. Was heartened to see Black Lives Matter signs even in cul-de-sacs in a wealthy, mainly white neighborhood. I picked up takeout for dinner, and did a bunch of Adulting in the early evening, including preparing for the next morning. I was in bed by 10:45pm.

Day 81. My alarm got me up at 5am, and we left at 6am. We got to the medical center on time at 7am and I went in (Wife was not allowed to accompany me, but had to be there to drive me home; there was a separate room across the street for visitors to wait in, which was good because it was suddenly very cold outside). Initially, there was a lot of waiting, during which I did a little bit of yoga and dancing as I knew I would not be able to move much for the rest of the day. I was there for a diagnostic procedure involving a needle (for data privacy reasons I won’t get more specific here; it’s unrelated to the procedure I’m having in 2 weeks), which required me to remain horizontal for 4 hours afterwards, at least according to the information they’d given me beforehand. I had to be fasting from midnight the night before: no food or drink, including water.

Eventually I was wheeled down to the ultrasound department, where the doctor who planned to do the procedure met me and the radiologists. However, when they looked at the images, there were a lot of vessels around. The doctor did not feel confident that she could do the procedure based on a mark on my skin without accidentally hitting a blood vessel. So she asked the radiologists to do it as an ultrasound-guided procedure, which would be safer since they would be able to see what they were doing on the ultrasound. This procedure was done with only local anaesthetic. Mostly I couldn’t feel what was going on, and it was supposed to be very quick, but unfortunately, the resident had a lot of trouble--the senior radiologist was trying to guide him through doing, but he couldn’t get the needle positioned quite right, and in the end the senior radiologist had to do it herself. It was pretty uncomfortable and there were some moments where it was quite painful. I tried to breathe deeply and stay relaxed, but it was hard. When they finally got it to work, it was over pretty quickly. I was relieved. It was about 11am by then.

However, I had to spend an hour in a large recovery room with many other patients, while my blood pressure and pulse were monitored. I had expected to have the procedure done upstairs in the room where I’d started, where I had left all my stuff. They very kindly sent someone up to retrieve my phone for me so I could at least text Wife and my parents so they would know the worst of it was over. 

After an hour I was wheeled upstairs and transferred from the gurney to a bed (this took 3 people as I was not allowed to stand up yet) for more monitoring. They drew my blood to test my blood counts; I was going to be allowed to leave after only 2 hours of bed rest if the counts were stable. After the 2 hours, I was allowed to get up and use the bathroom (and grab the crossword puzzles from my backpack to work on), and then I continued resting while waiting first for the blood counts, which finally came back fine, and then for the discharge papers, which took an unreasonably long time. Around 2pm the nurse finally allowed me to have some ice--hoorah! (I was parched. I normally drink at least 2 liters of water per day.) At 2:40pm I was cleared to leave; I texted Wife, who went to get the car and picked me up at the entrance to the hospital at about 3pm. 

Literally every single person on the hospital staff was kind and friendly. They all introduced themselves to me by name, including the people whose job it was to simply wheel me from one place to another, and they all seemed to be invested in my well-being. When I was being wheeled through the hallway, whenever we passed anyone else who worked there they smiled and said hello both to me and to the person in charge of transporting me. It seemed like everyone working really considered themselves a team, with respect for everyone regardless of place in the hospital hierarchy. Since, like all patients during this pandemic, I was there alone and a bit anxious, it made the experience much less unpleasant than it could have been.  

I spent 8 hours in the hospital, so I really hope I didn’t catch COVID-19, but the procedures seemed pretty good. I was wearing a mask almost all the time (except in the room where I was waiting at the beginning and end, which was essentially private), as were all the employees, and everyone was sanitising their hands every time they entered or exited a room or touched any equipment. I also didn’t spend the whole time with any one person. So, hopefully it was safe. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon vedging out at home, rehydrating, and finally eating, and I went to bed earlier than usual though later than I expected, around 12:15am.

Day 82. I wanted to try to get a lot of sleep so my body could heal from yesterday’s ordeal, so today I slept till about 10am. The wound from the procedure is tender to the touch and there’s a small bruise near it, but otherwise I’m not in pain from it. Except my ankle is in more pain than it’s been in for ages, and I have no idea why. Maybe I slept on it funny? Or maybe it’s an aftereffect of the weird position I had to hold during the procedure.

I think my joy at getting to eat cereal this morning was perhaps a bit over-the-top!

Wife had a bad headache today, likely caused by neck tension from all the driving yesterday. I am still pretty tired today, despite all the sleep, but I suppose that’s to be expected.

We went to the farmers’ market and stumbled upon a socially-distanced, family-friendly protest. A friend of mine was there with her kids, but I didn’t see her. We bought our produce--though I had to make an extra trip back to the car to drop off my purchases, as I am not supposed to lift anything heavy today. The stand with the curried fish had run out, but they still had some uncooked prepped fish, so we bought that and they explained how to steam it at home. We came home and cooked the fish and ate it for lunch; it was just as good as it would’ve been if they’d cooked it. Phew! Other than that we’ve been relaxing at home, though Wife did gather her energy and go for a run, which has helped to relieve her headache a little (as has the bath she took afterwards, and the painkillers she took). 

I’m hoping to feel up to taking a dance class (online) tomorrow. 

[kiruuuuu]

No worries, anon from a previous post! I got you ♥♥ (Rating T, fluff, ~1.5k words)

.

Thermite is kissing Castle. And panicking.

It’s a little like tripping and falling, one moment he’s walking normally without paying any attention to doing so, his subconscious, his muscle memory more than up to the task of carrying him safely where he wants to go yet the next, he stumbles over something and now he’s on the ground and confused as to how he got there. Only in this case, he wasn’t walking but rather basking in Castle’s presence after they spent the day carrying moving boxes. Thermite’s last flat wouldn’t have allowed pets and since he’s planning to adopt a dog soon, he was forced to move – he normally hates doing it, gets exhausted even thinking about all the effort involved and doesn’t trust himself not to cut corners and end up with twenty unmarked boxes which either rot away in a corner while he proceeds to buy everything that’s buried somewhere again because he can’t be bothered to look for it or he just dumps all their contents into a drawer and forgets about it all till he has to move again.

This time, Castle helped him with organising all his belongings, made sure to pack the breakables in a way that they’re not going to live up to their name, labelled each box clearly, ensured none of them ended up too heavy and even assisted in taking Thermite’s furniture apart for transport. He’s been there throughout the entire journey, advised Thermite in choosing a new bed frame, asked around until they could be sure enough people would be around that day to help carry and transport everything, and stayed long after everyone has left just so Thermite can comfortably live in his new apartment for a few days while unpacking.

So they’ve been doing that, just walking around in the large flat which is much bigger than Thermite is used to but since it’s on the outskirts of the city, it’s even cheaper than the one he was in previously, talking and joking, Castle making a few last, highly appreciated suggestions on where to put what and then Thermite stumbled over something and now he’s kissing Castle and confused as to how he got there.

A thumb is brushing over his ear, warm fingers are in the nape of his neck, soft lips slide over his and it’d be lovely if Thermite’s brain wasn’t going fuck fuck fuck non-stop. They’re in the middle of his corridor, somehow got stuck on each other, the rooms around them silent, and Castle’s tongue licks over his lower lip, asks for entry which Thermite grants and touches his with an almost electric feeling, charging Thermite. The litany inside his head upgrades to FUCK FUCK FUCK and when an arm snakes around his waist to pull him a little closer, he panics.

.

“I kissed Miles yesterday evening”, Thermite says.

“Honestly, just shove them somewhere onto the shelf, Jordan doesn’t care if they’re sorted by author”, Ash directs Pulse around the room and earns a pained expression – the idea of not sorting books by anything makes Pulse visibly uncomfortable.

“Where is Miles, anyway? Shouldn’t he be here by now?” He reluctantly sets a second book down on the wooden surface and uncertainly looks back at Ash to see whether it gets her approval.

Thermite is getting irritated. This is a big deal and both of them are just ignoring him. “Did you hear what I just said?”

“Yeah. What do you mean, kissed, is that some sort of euphemism? Oh my God Jack, if it kills you to not put them in order, just sort them. Make a spreadsheet for them too, if you like.”

“What? A euphemism? No, I literally kissed – are you even listening?”

His annoyance must be audible because Ash pauses, stops rummaging around in a half-empty box and turns to him. “I’m sorry. It sounds important, so go on. I’m listening.”

Thermite blinks. “That’s it. I kissed him. I don’t know what to do now.”

She cocks her head inquisitively. “I’m not sure I follow. Did anything else happen?”

“Anything else? Fuck’s sake, Liza! I frenched Miles completely out of the blue, isn’t that enough? What more do you want?”

Both his friends are quiet now, halting their movements and looking at him strangely. “What’s that supposed to mean?”, Pulse wants to know. “Do you normally not kiss? Does either of you not like it?”

Thermite is starting to feel like he’s in the twilight zone. “No, we normally don’t kiss, we’ve never kissed, we’re just friends. Am I supposed to tongue wrestle with all my friends?”

“Oh”, says Ash and something is odd about her tone of voice. “You’re not -” She breaks off and only continues once Thermite’s eyebrows lift. “You’re not dating?”

What. “Why would you think -”

“You regularly sleep over at each other’s place”, Pulse points out matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, he has a PS4 and I have an Xbone, it’s just easier that way, we can stay up later and play more.”

“You also spend almost every waking minute together.”

“Yeah. Like I said: I have an Xbone, he has a PS4. What else would we do?”

“You danced together on Blitz’ birthday.”

“We were both drunk.”

“When Miles was injured, you refused to leave his side and even hid under his bed.”

“No one deserves to be alone in a hospital.”

“You touch each other all the time. He adjusts your clothing, you steal his sunglasses, he makes that rasping noise with his gloves and your beard that you love so much, you sleep on his shoulder whenever you can.”

“Look, we’re just really good friends, alright?”

Ash fixes him with a scrutinising stare. “Except for the fact that you apparently frenched him.”

Thermite is starting to get a headache. “Did everyone think we were dating? Does he think we’re dating?”

“I’d say that depends on how the story ends. What happened after you kissed him?”

“I threw him out.” Pulse snorts while Ash pinches the bridge of her nose. Apparently that wasn’t the correct answer. “Look, I was in a panic, I didn’t know what was happening, so I told him I didn’t need his help today after all and good night and thank you.”

“Why did you even kiss him in the first place?”

“He smelled nice.” Now Pulse is openly laughing whereas Ash regards him with exasperation. “Look. He’s handsome and smelled nice and I haven’t kissed anyone in quite a while and he was there.”

“You’re a fucking idiot”, the redhead tells him while rolling her eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’re being almost painfully obtuse.”

“Oh, are you insinuating what I think you’re insinuating? Because you’re wrong.”

“Whatever you say, Jordan, I’ll just continue unpacking your stuff. Hey look, it’s the pictures you took with Miles when you went on that weekend trip to London. I didn’t know you had them framed.”

“I like this book series”, Pulse adds and points to a trilogy which has quite obviously been extensively read. “Miles does, too, he’s the one who recommended it to me.”

“Wasn’t it Miles who got you these Superhero themed shot glasses?”, Ash asks sweetly. “They’re your favourite, aren’t they?”

Thermite’s headache is getting worse. Clearly, inviting them over was a mistake. “You know what, if you’re gonna be like this, I’ll just do my own thing. Somewhere else.” He drags one of the boxes to the other end of the expansive living room while shooting his friends a dirty look which is met with amused grins. This is not something he wants to figure out right now, he’s had a stressful few days and still so much to do. He’ll think about it once all of it is over. When he has the time. He opens the box and is greeted by his Xbox, sitting innocently next to a row of games that he’s almost never played alone.

Wordlessly, he gets up and walks towards the door and when Ash asks him where he’s going, he doesn’t answer.

.

Thermite is kissing Castle. And smiling.

It’s a little like tripping, falling and being caught by someone, one moment he’s walking normally and the next he’s stumbling all over himself, his feet having forgotten how this ‘walking’ thing is supposed to work, he’s frantic and flailing, looking for support and now he’s in someone’s arms and deeply grateful for it. Only in this case, he wasn’t walking but rather saying things that should’ve been said much earlier, unsure as to how to put them, frantic and flailing and now they’re kissing for the second time and he’s basking in Castle’s presence.

This time, he doesn’t panic when he’s pulled closer. This time, he reciprocates and his tongue asks for entry and Castle is also smiling now.

[obsoletelibrarian]

Hello, friends, family, countrymen!  I am off on a new adventure!  I am trying to keep a better track of this year than the one I spent in Toronto.  I did better in Oxford, so I will try to go back to that dedication.  For those of you who don’t know, my husband Dan was recently offered a position working as an instructor and researcher for ETH Zurich, a position where he will earn a full salary, and also leave in 3-ish years with a PhD.  Not a bad deal!  I always knew he was a smart one.  A real keeper.

Anywho, I am therefore now in Zurich, Switzerland.  We just decided to pack up and leave in fairly short notice.  We had to fly to San Francisco to get Visas, which was a terrible process which involved me at 3:00 am demanding that an airline give me a flight so that their delayed flight wouldn’t prevent us from reaching our consulate appointment, and several other such hiccups.  Especially difficult was the fact that while we tried to prepare to move, I was working very hard to participate in a version of Comedy of Errors in Clement Park, Colorado.  Brutal.

But we have made it!  I have now been here a little less than a week.  It has been about 94 degrees or hotter all week, which is insane, particularly with the humidity.  I feel like I have been just damp forever.  The Swiss spend their summer weekends in the lake and the river, but due to the airline accidentally leaving part of my luggage in Minnesota for the time being, I have no swimsuit.  I just bought the cheapest swim top money can buy, so that I can wear it with Sofi shorts as a bathing suit next weekend, to cope with the heat.

Our new apartment is nice.  350 square feet is more than I thought it was.  Our kitchen is actually quite nice, although the appliances are all half sized!  Food is in smaller portions here anyways, so it actually all fits.  This complex is actually for both students and retired individuals (it is government-run housing).  So our bathroom has a shower seat for a more elderly person than either of us.  There’s also a tiny cot/bed that smells strange.  We only use it for storage.  We sleep on an air mattress we brought with us.  We have a small issue with cockroaches, but it is nothing our boot soles cannot handle (thus far).  The two windows are open until we go to sleep, and we bought a rotating fan to deal with the heat.

Getting settled has been difficult.  The immigration office didn’t want to accept us without our marriage license, which was hard.  I was praying harder than I’d ever prayed that the guy would let us off easy on that one, and he did, so thanks to God for that one.  We still have to have our biometrics taken to get residency, and we are really worried that we won’t get full residency until our current entry visas run out, so we’re just moving as fast as we can and praying for the best.  We got Swiss health insurance, which also took some doing, but was necessary to get residency.  

At the immigration office, we were also mandated nuclear medication, because Zurich is so close to many nuclear sites.  It is a weird thing, and we still have to go to the “Apothece,” or Pharmacy, to get those pills.  This goes with the missile barn (not nuclear missiles, I think it’s just anti-aircraft or something--the nuclear is from power plants) we saw just in the city.  You can tell that it’s a missile barn because of the large “VERBOT” (forbidden) signs and the roof the comes off with a pulley system.  We had read about these before arriving here.

We just got Swiss bank accounts, but it’s taken some doing.  They are really worried about Americans doing illegal offshore stuff out here, so we really had to prove our poverty and good intentions.  But we ended up with the nicest banker of all time, who had learned German and English in the past couple of years, after having to learn Italian first when his family moved from eastern Europe.  His dream is to move to America and become a painter.  He was so nice, and gave us espresso, mineral water, and chocolates on a fancy tray as if we were the rich clients he normally works with.  He did a great job, and I hope he gets to paint someday.

We both bought year long bus passes for the greater Zurich area, which are great.  I hope onto any transportation I want and get wherever I want to go in no time.  Yesterday, Dan was at work, so I went over to the Altstadtt, the Old City, where you can see the Alps across Zurichsee, the big lake here.  I walked around the lake, and also saw more of Bahnhofstrausse than I saw from our banking time.  

I also went to the two old churches in the Altstadtt:  Grossmunster and Fraumunster.  GM was founded by Charlemagne himself, and FM was founded by his grandson, so you can imagine that I was absolutely elated to visit them.  They both have been redone many times, so actually the coolest part to me about each is the crypts underneath.  In GM, there is this ancient medieval statue of Charlemagne that used to be on the roof, but it weathered away too much, and there are these very old drawings/pictures on the wall from medieval times.  In FM, they actually have taken cross sections out of the floors in the crypts, because you can see all the levels of church buildings that have been erected at the cite, from old nun housing to waterways, all intersecting each other with different-aged stones.  They even have parts of columns from the era when Charlemagne’s grandson started the church.  Truly breathtaking.  FM also has a Chagall window, which is just gorgeous.  It is actually 5 panes, each a different color and scene from the Bible, and I just sat in the church, staring up at them and crying, because there is something about that beautiful old church with those beautiful new windows that is holy.

Dan actually couldn’t buy those bus passes before I got here though, because he made the mistake of speaking English at the counter.  They told him, “We speak German here” and turned him away.  Whether it was my meager amount of German (we eventually spoke English at the counter anyways) or our newly stamped paperwork from the Swiss government, it was much easier to get passes the second time.

Overall, we hear, “You are in Switzerland, and we speak German here,” a lot.  It’s like karma for every USA person who has mocked someone who speaks Spanish.  The older man in the apartment next to us told us that right away, and then explained the rules of the apartment complex, eying us warily.  He took us to the mailroom, and asked us where the name “Hammerland” was from, sighing that “you never could tell where people were from, nowadays.”  At first, I was worried that he didn’t like us at all, because we were Americans.  But he warmed right up to us, and now I believe he is the best friend we have out here thus far.  He gave me a book of German “Weisheit,” or wise sayings, and a card to get into Fraumunster for free (it is normally 5 franc).  He also has given us tips for everything from fashion to tourism to life.  His English is excellent, because in the 60s and 70s he was part of the music scene in New York.  After that, he studied Renaissance art and music in the Sorbonne!!!  How cool is that?!  

Dan hasn’t met many people at school thus far, but that’s because his group mates are on a trip, and he is going to get to hang out with them much more when they get back!  And we did make some friends at church.  We went to the IPC, the international protestant church, where they speak English and are very welcoming.  They offered us friendship and help, and one of them attends Dan’s school in the chemistry department.  Additionally, the assistant pastor’s wife is from Colorado, with family in Minnesota, she left her career to follow her husband here, and her name is Jenna.  It was such a relief to have a person who understood me well so immediately.  So we think we might make some friends here.

Dan and I have been having some good adventures, finding good places to buy groceries (the main stores are called Migros, Coop, and Denner, but boy, are they all expensive!), walking by the river and seeing all of the people in intertubes or swimming in the dammed sections, seeing art in the Wasserkirche (the Water Church), and trying to adjust to the very cheese-and-small-bits-of-bread diet we have out here (Dan has to adjust.  I think I’ve been eating Swiss accidentally all along!).  So things are starting well, despite some setbacks.

Some things you may not know about Switzerland, because I surely did not:

1) They don’t believe in air conditioning.  Ever.  They only have it in supermarkets and banks (and some busses, but rarely).  So most stores, churches, and our apartment are approximately a billion degrees at the moment.  And sticky.  Swiss women (especially the elderly and pregnant) all carry these white collapsible fans with little flowers painted on them in the Swiss style, and the bus is filled with the sound of little fans going back and forth.

2) The Swiss are all SO TAN.  Every single person has a golden summer glow.  I am about eight shades whiter than anyone here, which definitely sets me apart.  Dan looks much more like a Swiss person than me, but he dresses American so it is a dead give away.  Luckily, in public, I keep being mistaken for a Brit (unlike poor Dan who has been really lashed out at for his USA heritage), which is overall less of a problem than being an American.

3) Pretty much all bottled water is sparkling, or “mit gass”

4) It doesn’t look like pictures.  Most of Zurich is a bunch of concrete apartments, trying to fit as much as possible into the smallest space.  It reminds me a lot of London in that way--there are beautiful old buildings, but a lot of the city is just overcrowded and overbusy.  I kind of like it, though.  The bustle reminds me of Toronto.

5) They don’t get married in Switzerland.  People hardly date, but if they do fall in love, they just live together until they die.  People literally cannot comprehend me and my situation when we explain it.  Get married?  And then move somewhere without a job prepared, simply because of a partner?  As one person curtly informed me when I suggested it, “Well, the Junge do not do that here.  Here, we are all supposed to function.”  That has been a little disheartening.  Only that other Jenna at church understood my predicament.

6) The healthcare isn’t free.  Indeed, we will be paying quite a lot for it.

7) There are no taxes on food!  What you see on a pricetag is what you get!  Huzzah!

8) Swiss croissants are called “Gipfeli” and are delicious

9) Swiss German is a cross between half of the world languages, I feel like.  There are signs in French talking about hair stylists, advertisements with English puns, Italian menu items, and weirdly almost-German greetings.  When you meet someone, you say “Gruezi,” and when you bump into someone you say “Ӓxcusi,” and if someone bumps into you, you say “Scho guen” (it’s all good).  None of these things is German, but they are all quite Swiss.

[violetsystems]

#personal

I guess you could count how many of these I’ve written since I’ve lost my job.  It’s been six months of my life.  The entire process of whatever goes on in the shadows is far longer than that.  You start to look back in times of chaos at the things in your life that are stable.  I’ve been living at my address for about ten years now.  Yesterday I had a chance conversation with my landlord.  I asked them how they were doing.  They replied not good.  Mostly issues we’ve talked about on the property are ongoing.  About the only stable thing in my life that is one hundred percent tangible is the roof over my head.  I had just created a logo for my consultancy.  A nice Edwardian script that turned the LLC into a gordian knot by accident.  The website for it references the street address  along with the letters ‘vs.’  It’s very simple.  I have an appointment Monday with the bank to set up my checking with it.  I decided to pay  the rent early with a personal check of my own volition.  My personal discovery for anyone contemplating a small business is that Quickbooks is the easiest way to stay accountable for deductions.  A business check for rent does look nice.  It’s also nice if I ever have to hire someone.  I haven’t been in a lease for years.  My landlord is a family from Poland and not some huge land developer.  Largely my experience with being personally accountable for my own behavior and lifestyle is what gets me by in terms of security.  Being able to be always on in terms of being a people person is hard.  I have become an ‘on the spot’ sort of person by necessity since everyone is either up in your face or on the periphery here in Chicago.  People talk and gossip.  You can’t really hide anything here.  And yet, it’s hard to shake a stable foundation.  People talk a lot about clout out here.  When you think your history is buried and what you’ve done, it isn’t like you are in Hoffa’s grave or anything.  It’ll be dug up eventually.  And people will talk about it again and again.  There’s a point when stepping up is more like standing your ground.  And the more you stand your ground angry, the more people think you are looking for a fight.  Fighting is exhausting.  So is defending your every breath.  For however needlessly complex people process me behind my back, I’m pretty stubborn and predictable.  I’ve been on here saying the same thing for years though it has evolved considerably.  People ignore me on a level that is psychosocial at best.  I get invited to comment on professional threads on LinkedIn and it further proves the point.  Nobody listens or pays attention.  I’ve said it over and over again.  I begin to feel like the invisible man and it chews on my self worth like a meat grinder every day.  The basic metrics people use to evaluate their lives don’t really compare to what I’ve gone through.  This I know and am patient with.  People in business talk about the long term ‘scarring’ of what this economy has done to it’s people.  But they’re never in the streets with the people.  Their money is locked behind savings accounts, tax write offs, and bricks of gold not on expanding their payroll for professionals like myself.  And yet people are still hurting.  Nobody hurts more than I do even if I never show it.  I write about it week after week seemingly to an invisible audience.  An audience that probably feels exactly as invisible as I do.

That’s the trick, Mr. Potter.  I love that line.  I’ve been referencing it a lot mostly because Prometheus is on HBO.   It counts as a Christmas movie mostly because of Idris Elba’s line about time and the holidays.  Michael Fassbinder’s David is the one who is obsessed with Laurence of Arabia.  The scene is a trick involving a match.  The trick is not minding that it hurts.  How did I do it?  It was already done to me a long time ago.  And it always hurts every day the place I find myself in.  One might argue this is the human condition.  David is just jealous.  He gets his body torn in half by the maker.  Not his maker of course.  He’s just a slave to the Weyland corporation.  And later in the movie, the main tool for humanity to finally confront it’s maker.  I like the idea the main character is faced with a choice after losing everything.  Go back to earth and wait for the inevitable or head out into the unknown and face the truth.  The sacrifices are immense and the unknown just as expansive.  Just like the last couple of decades of my life.  I could go back.  Back to the workforce and fit into a tiny expectation of what my true potential is.  But nobody cares to know my name for the most part.  It does all hurt.  Sometimes it hurts all too well.  And it’s a familiar kind of hurt that is almost boring to me.  Pain for the most part and suffering largely don’t excite me very much any more.  I’m over it.  It doesn’t mean I’m beyond it.  A bass guitar literally came crashing down on my head the other day.  I’m over that as well.  It hurts more to settle with not being happy.  It hurts to be ignored.  To interpret the awkwardness of society not being able to meet you eye to eye as some sort of sleight or punishment.  The trick to breaking through people’s barriers are removing them in yourself.  What holds you back?  What overwhelms you deeply when you experience the mere hint of pain?  What keeps you from loving a person freely and what holds you back from opening your arms?  I don’t make those judgements for other people.  That’s love.  You wait and you are patient because you are free and open.  You don’t mind that it hurts.  To care about someone or something without any guarantee or expectation that they think about you at all.  The lack of validation does hurt.  It requires you to find the confidence to know that you matter.  And sometimes we overshoot this especially when our internal life isn’t in balance.  We over speculate or underestimate our value all the time.  We get ahead of ourselves or fall behind.  There is no pacing.  No self control.  The zen is somewhere in the middle through trial and error.  The trick is we feel pain and we work our way through it.  Just like I wake up sore as fuck from whatever exercise routines I keep up daily living in total isolation.  Being alone does hurt.  Having no real solid connections with people in real life sucks.  But once you get over that, you start to see the world a little differently.  It’s not about you.  It’s about the perception.  How did you do that trick?  Get your life completely fucked over time and time again and still be so cool about everything.  That’s the trick.  I’m cool as fuck.  And it hurts just as much to stay cool all these years.

It hurts less not to have to revisit the same failed ways and history.  It’s a lot easier to pay my rent no questions asked.  I can generate income doing things I like to do.  I can work as much as I want and see the results.  I can still look for a job to work for someone for less than what I’m worth as a tax write off.  I can wait six months and get vaccinated and be worth five times as much globally.  I can still participate in professional discussions and hope that if everyone ignores me the AI will eventually set me aside like Roko’s Basilisk.  And I can just keep making cautious decisions with my own investments and see where that leads.  I can be ignored year after year and feel like nobody wants me.  And then I can realize that every beautiful person I know still thinks the world of what I go through daily.  You see if you could look into my heart and see the emotion I feel after all of this, you’d break down and cry.  It’s horrendous.  I have been through literal shit.  And yet, everyone else has their soapbox.  It seems everyone’s problems are more important.  I’ve stopped trying to sell my victimhood.  It’s not a great look if you are sitting in a position of privilege.  Which to be honest, I’m not exactly living the same life of privilege as the entire professional network that pretends I died or became a spy.  The truth is I am in levels of pain nobody would ever survive.  What the world is asking of me isn’t something anyone would willfully put themselves through.  And then there’s the trick that I perform effortlessly.  How I show I care about someone without ever saying a word?  How it echoes through the net and the streets like a pulse instead of a shout.  How I never really know anything and yet I know we connect.  It’s painful to see the trick everyday expand in front of my eyes.  How I survive with little help but my own.  How people use me as a talking point and leave my name out of the equation.  How I feel like a fucking ghost and the quote echoes in my head like the memories of people that inspired me to even write here in the first place.  How nobody says anything remotely of emotional weight in reality.  How everything is just a punchline and joke to the horror nobody wants to face.  It hurts horribly to know the truth.  That it’s worse to get it half right.  To perform the trick but lose the magic.  To tell and not show.  To talk and not walk it.  To be the person who isn’t me constantly comparing themselves to someone they’ll never be.  To be on trial for the crimes of humanity and stranded just the same.  To move forward with little or no fanfare while the lies around you fall apart.  I pay my rent just the same.  I keep the faith with my friends without a word.  And I love you with no baggage other than that Jaguar rolling suitcase I picked up the other day.  Big fan of Pete Buttigieg becoming transportation secretary for the record.  I heard him say that airports are the most romantic places in the universe.  Different strokes for different folks.  Either way get used to seeing me at O’hare.  We can kiss and ride the train to my office all you want when the world comes together.  Just tell Pete to mind his own business.  Better than Rahm by a fucking lightyear.  <3 Tim

[breakingmllc]

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CRITICAL TO UNDERSTAND THIS IS GOING THIS IS WATER ON ALL THE Sharks I'M Sorry For What I Said When I Was Hungry Vintage T Shirt PLANETS ARE ALL THE MOONS IT’S VERY VERY PREVALENT SO THE OPPOSITE THAT WE’VE BEEN TAUGHT THE WATER DOESN’T EXIST IS WRONG SO I THINK THIS’LL BECOME MORE MORE MAINSTREAM INFORMATION AS TIME GOES BY NIGHT I SINGLENESS OUT THIS TIME I CAROL BECAUSE. Victory how would his relationship with Dr Melfi play out what he walk away from the life altogether we get answers to some of these questions Dr Melfi cut them off when she realizes Tony is a lost causeand Tony does not walk away from the life the final scene in the show takes place at a diner where Tony scheduled to meet his family for a regular dinner Carmela shows up his daughter has some difficulty parking we noticed that several of the other patrons in the diner are acting kind of suspiciousand giving Tony decide I journeys don’t stop believing increases in volume to the point that it’s almost overwhelming is really dissonant dark comedic tone seen as buildingand building intentionand then cuts to blackand that is the end of the Sopranosand as came from 12 years later the loss will be one angry creator David Chase knew how is going toand for a while saying no one was trying to be audacious honest to God we did what we thought we had to do no one was trying to blow people’s minds are thinking wow this will piss him off people get the impression that you’re trying to fuck with themand it’s not true I actually really like the ending of the Sopranos I think it works both thematicallyand dramatically Tony might’ve died in a moment cut black or he may just have had a boring dinner but as long as he stuck in that life he’ll always be living on a knife’s edge going to do differently with the little things but the Sopranos set the stage for memorable endingand another lesson was learned here the wrong one in my opinion a memorable even controversial ending is the same as a good one service also merits discussion here because fans in recent years have had a much more active role in shaping media typically the longer thing goes the more fan service gets jammed in the keep people engagedand not all fan services bad one of the positive changes from the books of the fight between Breannaand the hound in season 430 to what she in the book the hound goes down from blood raising from a stupid wound he gets in a bar fight but in the show you have two characters both care about fighting over aria to the death Lake was involved in a big no no my children screaming so click gain bull dog nightand best gain bowl is was abandoned the that combine both bookand a lot of Internet mean cultureand the burning desire to see this giant man to be asked of this other giant man revenge fight so epic that it would rock the foundations of Western’s itself you will see the hound looks the way he doesand is afraid of fire because brother the mountain shoved his face into a fire when they were kidsand ever since then he’s wanting some revenge for thatand some other things all about that revenge is really really needs that mountain that ride Satan is a live eights in the hound for memorable list once revenge yesterday itself was a lot of fineand we got everything is a plot point it down through down one not only is the mountain functionally dead by this point like overand Martel killed himand what we have now is basically just a mindless zombie that does whatever Circe says but to the books make it pretty clear that Sandor is finally at peace with himselfand his need for revenge Georgia room being mistaken for justice is a big thing in the booksand we will get to that later his art wasn’t about getting revenge it was about moving past the show. On the masses they are the same as the same yes now the so called Iris didn’t bonding America day ago people this is okay gonna do it is divide and conquer as his finest the oldest trick in the book Anatolia America is all about that that’s what they about that you don’t have to ask when you see the callout of flags what’s wrong to be fair is what works for tourism is not here we go with our service is a look at these people and they gonna bring that all your people you never get it to Seth Scholl daft to bring the so called black people to talk about it because a so called Iris is black and these people is fighting for black people you believe it on TV fake that if you take them as black people are fighting for you dumbass tall steel is like she was born American dream is born in Oakland California and how stainless work bloodstream MRI to the bloodstream and pay attention people remember the election is so called November watch out for the drama that gonna come with it under divide and conquer what

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[idiosyncreant]

NOTE: I did not mean to post this here, but I’ll keep it and add: new blog is @bygosscarmine! Technical woes with @gosscarmine have made this necessary. T_T Will update you when the blog is ready, but meanwhile...you might find something fun there now...

Worlds Apart - Chapter Four

The Case Unfolds From Both Sides (1193)

find earlier chapters here: [link]

a W: Two Worlds revision-fic

Apparently, she'd been gone for hours. Her father had come back in the front door some time ago--not smelling significantly of alcohol, but weirdly smelling of bleach. Soo Bong had been telling him about how they'd been worrying, only to discover she was gone.

"I can't explain now," she said, shaky. "I think I know what's going on, though."

Soo Bong was a bit of an otaku, but he was more sensibly-minded than many wannabe comics writers. He read the tension in her voice and volunteered to drive her home. Her dad seemed to have gone to sleep, so they locked up and left. She promised to talk to him in the morning.

#

Chul was gazing at the bank of flowers he'd been sent, more meditative than anything, when So Hee glided in. He grinned at her, and she lifted an eyebrow.

"While I have been single-handedly running your company, you have nothing better to do than gloat over your flowers, I see."

"Actually," he said, with dignity, "I've been seriously considering the future."

"If you're considering that, I think I'll have Secretary Go send over some cases for you to work on."

Do Yoon chuckled from where he had gotten comfortable in the VIP room's sitting area.

"If there was anything really interesting happening at the office I know you would have told me," Chul said. "But I'd be happy to take on a little work. What brings you here today?"

"What, a friend can't come visit the invalid?"

She sat (or rather, perched lightly) on the end of his bed.

"You were here every day for a while. Lately you've gotten back to normal routine, and that's great, so I don't think you've come just for a social call."

The briefest moment of annoyance showed, then she just rolled her eyes, and said, "Fine. I wanted to ease into it, but we've finally got the results back. Bad news; all of that woman's information is bogus. The facial recognition software didn't uncover anything, either."

"It's still experimental," Chul said automatically, but his mind was running along the track of what So Hee had said about his mysterious savior. Earlier this week, she'd given the same kind of report on his equally mysterious would-be murderer. "Did they run a check for any lapsed female surgeons who might be underground?"

"Yes, you mentioned that early on. Though I'm not surprised you don't remember, you were still pretty heavily medicated."

Her voice went gentle, though So Hee was usually a chic girl who kept feelings to herself. Chul felt a twist of guilt, briefly. So Hee cared about him, even though their brief romance had been as painful as it had been disastrous. Neither of them found being open about their inner thoughts easy, and while on paper they worked as a power couple, the reality was the opposite.

"Thank you," he said. "I'll continue to pull on some of those threads, but for now it's not a major concern for the company. Anything new in the Alpha Case?"

Amazing how easily he was able to refer to it, with a case title to make it impersonal.

"Nothing new," she said, equally breezy. "But there is a pretty good development in your infrared camera redesign. The Police Chief is impressed, and thinks if he puts in a good word he can get a developer to take on manufacturing it."

"We'll have to talk with Lawyer Kim about whether we want to get an an outside manufacturer involved," Chul said, "and whether we'd make it available to the police through a second party."

"He could come and have a meeting with you here, if you wish."

"I'm hoping to be out by the end of the week."

"If you don't think the delay will matter, that's fine."

Chul looked hard at her. "Do you think rushing to have a meeting--where my attorney will actually see me in hospital robes rather than just hear I'm in recovery after an accident--will be better for business?"

She gave a short, brittle laugh, and conceded. She left soon after, and Chul drew out a much worn notebook from under his covers. After many years of almost nothing to add to this personal record of the Alpha Case, he now at least had more questions to write down.

"Kang Chul," said Do Yoon, surprising him, "you know I admire you for your perseverance."

"Yes?"

"But I think sometimes you could do with a little less intensity and a little more feeling."

"If you're talking about So Hee," Chul said drily, "I'm never going to date her. You can feel free to ask her out."

Do Yoon probably knew as much as anyone what had gone on with So Hee, but steadfastly pretended not to. As Chul expected, the suggestion made Do Yoon blush, and busy himself in yesterday's paper again.

Chul once again found his thread of thought.

Attacker: two? One solid, one without substance.

He had always had unusually keen senses. It had made him miserable as a boy, but when he'd honed it for accuracy in shooting he'd also discovered a method of training that gave him an edge in many areas. His hearing being acute meant he was able to nearly play back a given moment and analyze it. The strangeness of that day with the attacker had not been just the hollow blur where a face should be. In calmer moments of reflection, he realized that there had been no sound. No breath, no movement of cloth. When he'd gone into that alley, pressing away from that locus he usually followed without question, his senses had seemed similarly muffled. He suspected it was because there had been no stimulus. Why that was, he couldn't yet say.

He had written down exacting reports of those moments, and could only try to shake the pieces together and sift them out again to find answers.

He did not really remember the woman who had intervened after he had been stabbed--he couldn't justify, yet, his certainty. But he was sure he had seen her that day when, as if transported, he arrived in the wrong hospital lobby, where she had been talking with a man about him and So Hee.

"Why is she the one you want to track down so badly?" So Hee had asked, when he was coming out of the medication haze. "Do you think she's partly responsible? I mean, she did some serious damage, but the doctors all agree it was a measure taken to save your life, and it probably did."

"I think she's the key to my life," he'd said.

So Hee had taken that to be a melodramatic statement about his gratitude.

However, he was being literal. When he had looked at her, his bones had seemed to hum. Similar to the way the attacker with the knife had made him icy--at a level beyond emotion.

Something strange was happening, and he couldn’t explain it away. In an investigation, if the common-sense answer was impossible, the next thing to examine was the improbable.

[bygosscarmine]

Worlds Apart - Chapter Four

find earlier chapters here: [link]

a W: Two Worlds fix-it fix (Oh Yeon Joo x Kang Chul) -

rated T for now–some disturbing images

The Case Unfolds On Both Sides (1193 words)

In which Oh Yeon Joo returns to her world with a thump, Kang Chul contemplates his data, and the people around them are slightly baffled all round

Apparently, she’d been gone for hours. Her father had come back in the front door some time ago–not smelling significantly of alcohol, but weirdly smelling of bleach. Soo Bong had been telling him about how they’d been worrying, only to discover she was gone.

“I can’t explain now,” she said, shaky. “I think I know what’s going on, though.”

Soo Bong was a bit of an otaku, but he was more sensibly-minded than many wannabe comics writers. He read the tension in her voice and volunteered to drive her home. Her dad seemed to have gone to sleep, so they locked up and left. She promised to talk to him in the morning.

Chul was gazing at the bank of flowers he’d been sent, more meditative than anything, when So Hee glided in. He grinned at her, and she lifted an eyebrow.

“While I have been single-handedly running your company, you have nothing better to do than gloat over your flowers, I see.”

“Actually,” he said, with dignity, “I’ve been seriously considering the future.”

“If you’re considering that, I think I’ll have Secretary Go send over some cases for you to work on.”

Do Yoon chuckled from where he had gotten comfortable in the VIP room’s sitting area.

“If there was anything really interesting happening at the office I know you would have told me,” Chul said. “But I’d be happy to take on a little work. What brings you here today?”

“What, a friend can’t come visit the invalid?”

She sat (or rather, perched lightly) on the end of his bed.

“You were here every day for a while. Lately you’ve gotten back to normal routine, and that’s great, so I don’t think you’ve come just for a social call.”

The briefest moment of annoyance showed, then she just rolled her eyes, and said, “Fine. I wanted to ease into it, but we’ve finally got the results back. Bad news; all of that woman’s information is bogus. The facial recognition software didn’t uncover anything, either.”

“It’s still experimental,” Chul said automatically, but his mind was running along the track of what So Hee had said about his mysterious savior. Earlier this week, she’d given the same kind of report on his equally mysterious would-be murderer. “Did they run a check for any lapsed female surgeons who might be underground?”

“Yes, you mentioned that early on. Though I’m not surprised you don’t remember, you were still pretty heavily medicated.”

Her voice went gentle, though So Hee was usually a chic girl who kept feelings to herself. Chul felt a twist of guilt, briefly. So Hee cared about him, even though their brief romance had been as painful as it had been disastrous. Neither of them found being open about their inner thoughts easy, and while on paper they worked as a power couple, the reality was the opposite.

“Thank you,” he said. “I’ll continue to pull on some of those threads, but for now it’s not a major concern for the company. Anything new in the Alpha Case?”

Amazing how easily he was able to refer to it, with a case title to make it impersonal.

“Nothing new,” she said, equally breezy. “But there is a pretty good development in your infrared camera redesign. The Police Chief is impressed, and thinks if he puts in a good word he can get a developer to take on manufacturing it.”

“We’ll have to talk with Lawyer Kim about whether we want to get an an outside manufacturer involved,” Chul said, “and whether we’d make it available to the police through a second party.”

“He could come and have a meeting with you here, if you wish.”

“I’m hoping to be out by the end of the week.”

“If you don’t think the delay will matter, that’s fine.”

Chul looked hard at her. “Do you think rushing to have a meeting–where my attorney will actually see me in hospital robes rather than just hear I’m in recovery after an accident–will be better for business?”

She gave a short, brittle laugh, and conceded. She left soon after, and Chul drew out a much worn notebook from under his covers. After many years of almost nothing to add to this personal record of the Alpha Case, he now at least had more questions to write down.

“Kang Chul,” said Do Yoon, surprising him, “you know I admire you for your perseverance.”

“Yes?”

“But I think sometimes you could do with a little less intensity and a little more feeling.”

“If you’re talking about So Hee,” Chul said drily, “I’m never going to date her. You can feel free to ask her out.”

Do Yoon probably knew as much as anyone what had gone on with So Hee, but steadfastly pretended not to. As Chul expected, the suggestion made Do Yoon blush, and busy himself in yesterday’s paper again.

Chul once again found his thread of thought.

Attacker: two? One solid, one without substance.

He had always had unusually keen senses. It had made him miserable as a boy, but when he’d honed it for accuracy in shooting he’d also discovered a method of training that gave him an edge in many areas. His hearing being acute meant he was able to nearly play back a given moment and analyze it. The strangeness of that day with the attacker had not been just the hollow blur where a face should be. In calmer moments of reflection, he realized that there had been no sound. No breath, no movement of cloth. When he’d gone into that alley, pressing away from that locus he usually followed without question, his senses had seemed similarly muffled. He suspected it was because there had been no stimulus. Why that was, he couldn’t yet say.

He had written down exacting reports of those moments, and could only try to shake the pieces together and sift them out again to find answers.

He did not really remember the woman who had intervened after he had been stabbed–he couldn’t justify, yet, his certainty. But he was sure he had seen her that day when, as if transported, he arrived in the wrong hospital lobby, where she had been talking with a man about him and So Hee.

“Why is she the one you want to track down so badly?” So Hee had asked, when he was coming out of the medication haze. “Do you think she’s partly responsible? I mean, she did some serious damage, but the doctors all agree it was a measure taken to save your life, and it probably did.”

“I think she’s the key to my life,” he’d said.

So Hee had taken that to be a melodramatic statement about his gratitude.

However, he was being literal. When he had looked at her, his bones had seemed to hum. Similar to the way the attacker with the knife had made him icy–at a level beyond emotion.

Something strange was happening, and he couldn’t explain it away. In an investigation, if the common-sense answer was impossible, the next thing to examine was the improbable.

[akemilena]

SolidS Drama CD 1 -Don’t work too hard!- track 4

Gray moon -灰月-

Track 3 || Translation index || Track 5 

???: Ah, there’s no one here… Did I come too early?

Tsubasa: Eh- *drops juice* Who are you?!

???: Ah, good morning. Tsubasa, do you know if Shiki is back yet?

Tsubasa: Huh?

???: Yesterday he said he was fine, so I let him go back alone, but… even for him, he was really drunk… So I was still worried, and came to see how he was.

Tsubasa: Huh…

???: So? Did he come back safely?

Tsubasa: Who knows… I haven’t seen him…

???: I see… He won’t answer my calls, maybe he’s still asleep?

Tsubasa: W-wait, you!!!

???: Hm? What is it?

Tsubasa: Don’t “what is it” me…

???: Er… Is Shiki’s room this one?

Tsubasa: How did you know…

???: So I’m right. When he was at the other dorm, he was desperately defending the room closer to the corner. He said he felt calmer at the corner, or something.

Tsubasa: The other…?

???: Heeey, Shiki!! *knocks door* Can I go in?

Tsubasa: Hey!!

???: Aren’t you there?

Shiki: You’re so noisy.

???: *laughs* There he is. Hello Shiki, good morning.

Shiki: Wh-why are you… here…

???: Hm? I was worried so I came to check on you.

Shiki: I said you didn’t need to worry about me.

???: Come on, don’t say that. Now that I finally became your exclusive manager, I thought I’d start taking care of your precious artists’ condition already.

Tsubasa: Exclusive… manager…?

Shiki: Yesterday I told you thousands of times I’d tell them myself.

???: What, you haven’t told the members yet?

Shiki: What time do you think I came back yesterday?

???: *laughs* That’s true! Sorry, sorry. Ah, I see, that’s why Tsubasa was staring at me with his eyes wide open. Of course you’d be surprised, if an unknown man rudely entered the dorm so early in the morning.

Tsubasa: Hey, Shiki, what’s going on? Explain!

Shiki: Please give me time to at least wash my face. *closes door*

???: Take your time!

Tsubasa: Could it be, yesterday’s call…?

Dai: What the hell, so noisy… Eh- who?

???: Good morning, Dai. Rikka… ah, I know, he’s out running.

Dai: Who are you?

Tsubasa: Our exclusive manager, apparently.

Dai: Exclusive… manager?

Haiduki: … Therefore, in this occasion, I have become SolidS’ exclusive manager. I’m Haiduki Fumihiko. I look forward to working with you. I’m sorry for surprising you so early in the morning.

Tsubasa: You bet!

Haiduki: I said I’m sorry! I was convinced Shiki would have at least finished the introductions already.

Dai: Could it be that the person who was drinking with Shiki yesterday… was him?

Shiki: Yeah, it’s him.

Haiduki: I was appointed as the manager, and it had been a while since we had seen each other, so… I told him to accompany me for once.

Rikka: Um… Did you know each other from before? You look close, so…

Haiduki: That’s right. I’m his former colleague… and I guess we’re from the same period? We’re the same age, and I’ve been working in Tsukipro since I was 20. At that time, I was still a university student and it was like a part-time job. And this guy quit being an idol and turned to working behind the scenes.

Tsubasa: Then, with this and that… you’ve known each other for about 5 years?

Haiduki: That’s what it is.

Rikka: At that time, I think I already knew Shiki… we’re not acquainted, right?

Haiduki: Not directly. But I heard about you from Shiki, so I one-sidedly knew about you. The former model, Sera Rikka-kun. I didn’t think we’d be involved like this, but I look forward to working with you from now on.

Rikka: Ah, yes! Same here, please take care of me.

Haiduki: You can take it easy! Anyway, we used to talk and go to eat together sometimes, but… before I noticed, he had debuted again, and since then he has been devoting himself to SolidS, right? So I couldn’t get a hold of him. And in the meantime, I got called by the president. “Shii-kun looks like he’s at his limit so go support him”, he said.

Dai: Shii-kun…?

Rikka: The president calls Shiki “Shii-kun”…

Dai: That’s very like the eccentric president he is, or rather, very like a person in the business… Anyway, that’s a very powerful nickname.

Tsubasa: Huh~ hey, hey, how was Shii-kun when he was 20?

Haiduki: Um… let me think…

Shiki: Stop!!

Tsubasa: It’s fine, isn’t it?

Haiduki: Don’t glare at me, Shii-kun! Tsubasa, Shii-kun is scary, so I’ll tell you next time while drinking.

Tsubasa: I’m in!

Shiki: *sigh*

Dai: Um, how exactly are things going to change now that we have an exclusive manager?

Haiduki: Oh, sorry, that’s true. I need to talk about that. For now, it’s not like things will change completely or anything, so you can feel at ease. First of all, I’ll get a grasp on all the miscellaneous works Shiki’s doing and slowly finish them. Or at least, I’ll manage the schedules and transportations. And then, gradually adapt to the way it works best for everyone. SolidS is steadily gaining popularity, and you’ll probably get busier from now on. That’s why the agency thought to adjust your organization while we can.

Dai: Then it means Shiki’s burden will decrease?

Haiduki: It will. It’s a waste of resources for him to spend time on odd jobs.

Shiki: They’re not odd, they’re necessary jobs.

Haiduki: Listen here. I told you yesterday too, if it’s something anyone could do, you have to throw it at someone else! You need to grow out of your perfectionism and your “I need to know everything” syndrome already. They’re not bad things, and it’s the proof that SolidS is moving to the next step. You should be proud of that. But to begin with, your “if I don’t do everything myself I’m not satisfied” is a bad habit you’ve always had. Okay?

Shiki: …

Dai: This person is so strong…

Rikka: Literally zero time to interject…

Tsubasa: Shiki not being able to even object in a direct confrontation… it’s the first time I see it…

Haiduki: Ah, yeah, I’ll take care of Shiki’s own composition schedule from now on too.

Shiki: No, I think I still should do that myself-

Haiduki: Presidential orders.

Shiki: …

Haiduki: *sigh* Shiki, at least trust me a little bit. I know full well your fixation and your passion when it comes to music. I’ll respect your intention, and I will never cause you trouble. In short, you just should put all your energy only into the things you really want to do. Cut corners when you can, and give out the best results.

Shiki: To cut corners…!? That’s…

Haiduki: Doing everything at full power? It would be nice if you could, but there’s a limit to what a human being can do. It’s an idealistic thought. You only need to give your all to SolidS. It’s not something to use on office work. Shiki, now you’re different from what you were before. You’re not behind-the-scenes anymore; you’re the agency’s signboard, a talent that is working at the front. The contents and the way of working will change. Am I wrong?

Shiki: …

Haiduki: We can’t have you getting tired because of unnecessary things. Spare some energy, and concentrate on the things only you can do. We want you to make good music. And for that purpose, you should use me, and other people. Conduct yourself well. Isn’t one of your jobs as a producer to use people properly?

Shiki: …

Tsubasa: I agree with that.

Shiki: … Tsubasa?

Tsubasa: Isn’t it fine, Shiki? How about you get your schedule managed and get some proper sleep? If you pretend to use me in that sleep-deprived state, you’re 100 years early.

Shiki: I don’t think I’m losing energy!

Dai: Even if you say that, if you continue like this, you’ll end up harming your health.

Shiki: Dai… I’m taking care of myself.

Rikka: Haiduki-san is saying he’ll make it so it’s easy for us all, so why not give it a try? If you try it and you’re not satisfied, you can discuss it again.

Shiki: Rikka…

Haiduki: So is everything in order? Oh no, Tsubasa, you should start to get ready.

Tsubasa: Why?

Haiduki: The interview.

Tsubasa: Ah!!!

Shiki: *sigh* Did you forget?

Tsubasa: I remembered until a while ago! But it suddenly got into this development so it slipped my mind!

Haiduki: *sigh* Yeah, yeah, it’s because of me! *chuckles* I’m sorry. I came by car so I’ll give you a ride to the agency.

Tsubasa: Thanks. Well then, I’ll go get ready.

Haiduki: Shiki. Leave Tsubasa to me, and do your own work. You haven’t finished yet, right?

Shiki: *sigh* Okay, I got it. I’ll leave him to you.

Haiduki: Also, I’ll negotiate about the deadlines, so tonight you sleep at least 8 hours.

Shiki: You don’t need to-

Haiduki: No excuses. The fact that you got wasted after drinking that much is the proof you’re sleep-deprived. Sleep for once, and step up your performance. That way, as a result, you’ll finish earlier.

Shiki: …

Haiduki: If you whine too much, you’ll end up having to listen to my lullaby at night~

Shiki: Ugh… Stop… I’ll have nightmares.

Haiduki: Well, then! I’ll bring the car in front of the dorm. When Tsubasa comes, could you tell him I’m waiting at the entrance?

Dai: Okay, understood.

Rikka: Um… thank you so much, for everything…

Haiduki: This is my job, after all. We’ll discuss the details little by little. Well then, see you later.

Rikka: A manager, huh… He looks very capable, and he’ll help us a lot, but it’s really sudden…

Dai: Shiki looked like he was in a really bad mood.

Rikka: Hm… more than being in a bad mood… that was…

Dai: That was?

Rikka: He’s not too good with people like him. Haiduki-san doesn’t seem to have a problem, though.

Dai: That’s true, it’s difficult to guess the true feelings of that kind of people. I think I’m a bit weak with them too. Trying to find out somebody’s real intentions, or using properly your two sides… I can’t do skilful things like that.

Rikka: You and Shiki are similar in some ways, after all.

Dai: But, that’s exactly why, I have the feeling he’s the most suitable person to be Shiki’s supporter. I can’t explain it well, but…

Rikka: *chuckles* Well, well, I wonder how things are going to be now.

Track 3 || Translation index || Track 5

TL notes:

Here he is! Our very own exclusive manager! In case you didn’t notice, the name of the track is his surname  灰月 (Haizuki/Haiduki) which has the kanjis for “ash” and “moon”. Like the rest of the tsukipro managers (Tsukishiro and Kurotsuki), has the moon in his name.

Thanks for reading!

[scienceblogtumbler]

3 Questions: Asegun Henry on five “grand thermal challenges” to stem the tide of global warming

More than 90 percent of the world’s energy use today involves heat, whether for producing electricity, heating and cooling buildings and vehicles, manufacturing steel and cement, or other industrial activities. Collectively, these processes emit a staggering amount of greenhouse gases into the environment each year.

Reinventing the way we transport, store, convert, and use thermal energy would go a long way toward avoiding a global rise in temperature of more than 2 degrees Celsius — a critical increase that is predicted to tip the planet into a cascade of catastrophic climate scenarios.

But, as three thermal energy experts write in a letter published today in Nature Energy, “Even though this critical need exists, there is a significant disconnect between current research in thermal sciences and what is needed for deep decarbonization.”

In an effort to motivate the scientific community to work on climate-critical thermal issues, the authors have laid out five thermal energy “grand challenges,” or broad areas where significant innovations need to be made in order to stem the rise of global warming. MIT News spoke with Asegun Henry, the lead author and the Robert N. Noyce Career Development Associate Professor in the Department of Mechanical Engineering, about this grand vision.

Q: Before we get into the specifics of the five challenges you lay out, can you say a little about how this paper came about, and why you see it as a call to action?

A: This paper was born out of this really interesting meeting, where my two co-authors and I were asked to meet with Bill Gates and teach him about thermal energy. We did a several-hour session with him in October of 2018, and when we were leaving, at the airport, we all agreed that the message we shared with Bill needs to be spread much more broadly.

This particular paper is about thermal science and engineering specifically, but it’s an interdisciplinary field with lots of intersections. The way we frame it, this paper is about five grand challenges that if solved, would literally alter the course of humanity. It’s a big claim — but we back it up.

And we really need this to be declared as a mission, similar to the declaration that we were going to put a man on the moon, where you saw this concerted effort among the scientific community to achieve that mission. Our mission here is to save humanity from extinction due to climate change. The mission is clear. And this is a subset of five problems that will get us the majority of the way there, if we can solve them. Time is running out, and we need all hands on deck.

Q: What are the five thermal energy challenges you outline in your paper?

A: The first challenge is developing thermal storage systems for the power grid, electric vehicles, and buildings. Take the power grid: There is an international race going on to develop a grid storage system to store excess electricity from renewables so you can use it at a later time. This would allow renewable energy to penetrate the grid. If we can get to a place of fully decarbonizing the grid, that alone reduces carbon dioxide emissions from electricity production by 25 percent. And the beauty of that is, once you decarbonize the grid you open up decarbonizing the transportation sector with electric vehicles. Then you’re talking about a 40 percent reduction of global carbon emissions.

The second challenge is decarbonizing industrial processes, which contribute 15 percent of global carbon dioxide emissions. The big actors here are cement, steel, aluminum, and hydrogen. Some of these industrial processes intrinsically involve the emission of carbon dioxide, because the reaction itself has to release carbon dioxide for it to work, in the current form. The question is, is there another way? Either we think of another way to make cement, or come up with something different. It’s an extremely difficult challenge, but there are good ideas out there, and we need way more people thinking about this.

The third challenge is solving the cooling problem. Air conditioners and refrigerators have chemicals in them that are very harmful to the environment, 2,000 times more harmful than carbon dioxide on a molar basis. If the seal breaks and that refrigerant gets out, that little bit of leakage will cause global warming to shift significantly. When you account for India and other developing nations that are now getting access to electricity infrastructures to run AC systems, the leakage of these refrigerants will become responsible for 15 to 20 percent of global warming by 2050.

The fourth challenge is long-distance transmission of heat. We transmit electricity because it can be transmitted with low loss, and it’s cheap. The question is, can we transmit heat like we transmit electricity? There is an overabundance of waste heat available at power plants, and the problem is, where the power plants are and where people live are two different places, and we don’t have a connector to deliver heat from these power plants, which is literally wasted. You could satisfy the entire residential heating load of the world with a fraction of that waste heat. What we don’t have is the wire to connect them. And the question is, can someone create one?

The last challenge is variable conductance building envelopes. There are some demonstrations that show it is physically possible to create a thermal material, or a device that will change its conductance, so that when it’s hot, it can block heat from getting through a wall, but when you want it to, you could change its conductance to let the heat in or out. We’re far away from having a functioning system, but the foundation is there.

Q: You say that these five challenges represent a new mission for the scientific community, similar to the mission to land a human on the moon, which came with a clear deadline. What sort of timetable are we talking about here, in terms of needing to solve these five thermal problems to mitigate climate change?

A: In short, we have about 20 to 30 years of business as usual, before we end up on an inescapable path to an average global temperature rise of over 2 degrees Celsius. This may seem like a long time, but it’s not when you consider that it took natural gas 70 years to become 20 percent of our energy mix. So imagine that now we have to not just switch fuels, but do a complete overhaul of the entire energy infrastructure in less than one third the time. We need dramatic change, not yesterday, but years ago. So every day I fear we will do too little too late, and we as a species may not survive Mother Earth’s clapback.

Jennifer Chu | MIT News Office

Press Contact

Abby Abazorius Email: abbya@mit.edu Phone: 617-253-2709 MIT News Office

  source https://scienceblog.com/517865/3-questions-asegun-henry-on-five-grand-thermal-challenges-to-stem-the-tide-of-global-warming/