#i was like “IF THAT'S ROMANTIC THEN DIN SAID THE SAME THING TO BOBA FETT. AND THE ARMORER SAID THE SAME THING TO BO-KATAN.”

[darlin-djarin]

AND WHAT WAS THE MIGHTY, DESTINED, AND OH SO HONORABLE LADY KRYZE DOING WITH THE DARKSABER WHILE THE DOOR WAS SHUT ON DIN AS HE WAS BEING CAPTURED???

not fucking using it to open the door, that's for sure.

[newpathwrites]

Series Masterlist Main Masterlist

Chapter 8 - Confessions

Karga took a moment to ruminate over this information, the concept of not feeling attracted to anyone ever or practicing physical intimacy as a non sexual act being very foreign concepts. But he was just so happy that Mando finally shared something real with him that he could easily accept this even if his brain couldn’t fully process it. Finally, he responded. “And you’re happy with this arrangement?”

Din smiled under the helmet, despite the heat of his face, still burning with self-consciousness, completely unused to speaking of such things. “Yeah,” he said wistfully. “I’m happy… happier than I’ve ever been, honestly.”

Summary: Din and Cyar’ika each discuss their relationship and orientation with friends.

Note: My intention for this main storyline is for the relationship to remain sex-free forever. However, one thing I wanted to do in this fic was dispel a few myths about asexuality, which is why you’ll see that I’ve subtly left the option open for them to explore sexual intimacy at some point if they ever wanted to. Asexual people may choose to take part in sexual activities for all kinds of reasons despite a lack of sexual attraction - for these two, the reasons might be curiosity or finding new ways to enjoy physical closeness, for example. So the option is there, though I don’t intend for them to ever take it.

I will eventually post an alternate storyline which diverges from here where they do decide to explore this possibility in a very thoughtful and intentional way. You can read it on AO3 here.

Warnings: Alcohol, sexual references, non-sexual nudity (sort of).

Read on AO3

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Din Djarin and Boba Fett were really cut of the same cloth it seemed, each eternally in debt to the other for every little favor, the cycle never ending.  And so you found yourself again on Tatooine, Boba having insisted on accompanying Din to Nevarro when Greef Karga and Cara Dune called for assistance with an undisclosed problem (or rather, undisclosed to you).  Both Din and Boba were adamant that your services were not needed and that you should spend a few days relaxing at the palace with Fennec until their return.  You hoped their secrecy was a matter of limiting exchange of sensitive information and not one of expected danger.

  You and Din would be separated for only a few days most likely, but you realized that you’d never spent more than one standard day apart in the entire history of your partnership.  You would have thought nothing of that a year ago, but now that separation was a bit bothersome.  

  After recovering from the emotional ups and downs of the duel with Bo-Katan and its unexpected impact on your marriage, things had finally settled back into some sense of normalcy.  As usual, while out in public, nobody would think that the two of you were anything more than business partners, often taking separate jobs and keeping professional distance, though among friends, your attachment to each other had become even more obvious, easily falling into habitual affection around those you trusted.  At night in your own bed, you continued to enjoy physical closeness and the occasional kissing session, and the issue of sex had not come up again, both of you very content and comfortable with the status of your not-quite-platonic, not-quite-romantic relationship.

  —---------------------------

  It had taken most of the afternoon, but the weapons and supplies were loaded, and it was time for the two armored men to head out.  Boba and Fennec clearly couldn’t take a hint, not understanding your pointed glare, silently asking them to give you and Din some privacy to say your farewells.  You gave up on them and decided to work on Din instead, only to find him staring pointedly at you and turning his visor slightly to the side, apparently asking you to join him in another part of the hangar.

  The helmet was off the moment you were out of their sights, and his forehead came to rest on yours.  “I’m going to miss you, cyar’ika.  I don’t think I’ve ever been away from you this long before.”

  You sighed.  “It’s only a few days, Din.  I’ll be here waiting when you get back.”  You leaned in to kiss him once chastely before the helmet went back on as Fennec unexpectedly rounded the corner.

  “Hey, Djarin… DANK FARRIK, SORRY!”

  Fennec immediately turned around to give Din privacy as he whipped his head in the opposite direction to replace the helmet, leaving you standing awkwardly in between them, both of their backs to you.  Finally, Din’s modulated voice came through. “It’s fine, Fennec.  You can turn around.”

  “Boba sent me to get you - he’s ready to go.”  If Fennec was embarrassed by the situation, she didn’t show it, stoic as ever.

  “He’ll be right there.  Just give us a minute,” you told her, face burning from having been caught.  She gave you an amused smirk as she turned to walk away.

  Once she was gone, you pushed the visor up enough to place a brief kiss to his lips.  “I love you.  Stay safe.”

  “I always am, cyar’ika.  I love you, too.”  And with that, he was off, cape billowing behind him.

  —---------------------------

  Fennec turned out to be an excellent host, showing you many of the hidden gems in Mos Espa and even agreeing to accompany you on a day trip to check up on Freetown.  Still, she didn’t hover and left you often enough to your own devices to rest and recharge, much needed after a long string of difficult jobs.

  Not once did she bring up the ‘kissing incident’, and you thanked the Maker for that.  The embarrassment, which had plagued your every waking moment since, was finally starting to fade from your psyche.  It seemed Fennec had forgotten all about it.  But alas, you were not so fortunate…

  A rap at the door to your temporary quarters roused you from your lazy, evening contemplation.  “Hey, it’s our last night without the men!”  Fennec held an expensive-looking bottle of liquor in front of your face.  “I’ve got questions.  Come on,” she ordered with a turn of her head, gesturing for you to follow.  Not having the energy to refuse the formidable woman at this hour, you acquiesced and allowed her to lead you to her own quarters.

  You fell into easy conversation as the alcohol warmed your system, but once Fennec had adequately loosened your tongue, the real inquisition began.

  “So,” she started, “You and Mando… kissing… and acting very… ‘couple-ish’… When did that happen?”

  Between the alcohol warming your skin and sudden, overwhelming self-consciousness, it felt like your whole body was on fire.  Should you take the bait?  Probably not. But you kind of wanted to talk about it… or maybe that was just the alcohol…

  Anyway, your mouth was faster than your brain.  “The kissing has been going on for awhile,” you rushed out, “since before the last time we were here in Tatooine.  It’s nice.”  You shrugged, trying to pass it off as if it was no big deal.

  “Nice, huh?  You two behave more and more like a happily married couple in love.”  Fennec smirked.

  You might just burst into flames - you hated this kind of attention.  “Well,” you answered meekly, “We are a married couple, I am happy, and I do love him.”  There, successfully circumvented the issue - or so thought your alcohol-addled brain.

  “No, no, no… I think you are in love with him.  And he is in love with you.”  Fennec sat back in her chair, satisfied that she’d pegged you correctly.  “Maker above!” she suddenly exclaimed, sitting up straight again and looking directly into your face.  ”Did you two have sex?”  She slapped the table in glee.  “I knew it was just a matter of time!”

  You wished you could literally just sink into the floor and forget this night ever happened.  As much as you were comfortable with Din, discussing such things with anyone else was incredibly disconcerting.  Still, you sort of appreciated the opportunity to get another female perspective on your unconventional arrangement.  You mentally steeled yourself and attempted to release the butterflies gathering in your stomach.

  Deep breath.  “This is a little weird for me to talk about… Yes, things are different between us, but not… that different.”

  Fennec, to her credit, became more earnestly curious and shook off a bit of her inebriated mocking, now recognizing your discomfort.  “So what has changed then?  The last time you were here, you were pretty adamant that your relationship was entirely platonic.  I’ve always wondered how you two were so close without venturing into other territory…”

  Kriff, explaining this would require some backstory.  “Okay, so first… Din and I aren’t like most people.  Neither of us has ever felt attracted to anyone that way or had any sort of committed relationship in our adult lives.  I’ve loved him deeply for a long time, but truly, it was platonic, as hard as that is for people to believe.”

  “Hmm… I get it, I think,” Fennec replied thoughtfully.  “I can relate to not feeling romantically attracted at least - I’ve never wanted that.”

  You grinned at her, glad to find that someone understood at least part of this, and continued.  “The marriage, knowing his face, being allowed to touch him without the armor - somehow it changed things.  It was slow, but the more we connected face to face and the more we got accustomed to physical intimacy, we both found that we craved being close to each other.  But still, neither of us wants sex - it’s just not how we are.  And although we’re committed and love each other in a way that’s not strictly platonic, it’s really not quite romantic, either.  It’s difficult to explain.  We’ve stopped trying to label it and just let it be.”

  Fennec thought on this a moment before continuing her interrogation.  “Okay… so, if you don’t mind me asking, where do you both draw the line?  Kissing usually leads to other things…”

  Stars, now you were really diving in. “Well, since neither of us is inclined toward those other things, that’s generally not an issue.  Pretty much anything goes with the kissing - we just really enjoy the sensations and closeness I guess.  It really doesn’t get heated, even when… you know… tongues are involved… It’s not foreplay - just kissing for kissing’s sake.  We do a lot of cuddling and touching, too… more so, actually… but always over clothing and sticking to neutral areas.  It might sound weird to you, but it works well for us… It’s been very enjoyable…” 

  Fennec stared at you a long moment before speaking again.  “I’ll be honest… it does sound weird to me… But if it works for you, then that’s all that matters.”  A smirk appeared across her face.  “You said it ‘generally’ doesn’t lead to other things… so does that mean it has at some point?”

  You could feel your face heating up again.  You took a deep breath and pushed on. “Before the duel with Bo-Katan… We were terrified, emotional… It felt like our last moments together, and things started to get… out of hand… I stopped it before it got too far.  We weren’t thinking clearly, and I couldn’t bear the possibility of regret… It was the right decision.  Once the adrenaline wore off, that desire was gone.”

  “Do you think you’ll ever go there?” Fennec asked earnestly.

  “I don’t know, honestly.  I have curiosity about whether it could be a better experience with him - I trust him more than I’ve trusted anyone in my entire life.  And Din has expressed interest in trying it if I ever wanted to.  But I’ve got so much trauma from my previous relationship, and I don’t want to associate Din with that in any way.  Maybe I’ll feel differently someday, but for now, it’s off the table, and we’re both fine with that.”

  Fennec looked thoughtful, dropping the tough facade for a moment.  “Well, that’s fair.  Thanks for indulging my questions.  Just tell me one more thing… You really are happy?  Because I’ve known Mando for a long time, and he’s been different since you came along.  I didn’t know he was even capable of happiness, but that’s the read I get on him now… Quite an accomplishment on your part I think.”

  You felt a few tears sting your eyes at her kind words.  “Thanks, Fennec… Yeah, I’m happy, too.”

  “Okay, now that I’ve satisfied my curiosity about your relationship,” she leaned forward and placed both palms flat on the table with a wicked glint in her eye, “Is he as easy on the eyes without the helmet as he is with it on?  I’ve only ever seen the back of his head.”

  “Oh, Fennec… you have no idea…”

  She took another swig, giving you a mock salute.  “Good for you, my friend.”

  —---------------------------

  Though Din was anxious to get back to Tatooine… and you… he couldn’t pass up the offer to spend an evening catching up with his old friends, such opportunities so rare for people like them in this lonely galaxy.  Boba, on the other hand, was rather interested in the baths he kept hearing Karga go on about and decided to have a visit there himself before the long flight back home.

  Two full bottles of spotchka later, and working on a third between the three of them, Din was relaxed and pleasantly buzzed.

  “You know, Mando, you really should consider it.  The baths might be just what you need to relieve all of that… tension.”

  “I’m not tense.  I’m fine,” Din replied good-naturedly.

  Cara groaned.  “Please, give it up, Greef.  The man doesn’t even take his gloves off in public.  He’s obviously not going to strip naked at the baths.”  She took another long swig.  “Besides, he can take care of the tension in the comfort of his own bed with his beautiful wife,” she added.

  Karga grumbled under his breath with a raise of his eyebrow, “I’m not so sure he can…”

  “Greef!” Din reprimanded him lamely, the alcohol removing the intended bite from his tone.

  “Wait… what is this about?” Cara asked, sidling up to the table and looking between the two men.  “Is everything all right, Din?  You two seemed happy the last time we saw you.”

  “We were… we are…” Din started, slow to formulate an appropriate response.

  Karga, inhibitions lost, cut him off, blurting out in an unintentionally loud whisper in Cara’s direction, “They’ve never had sex!”

  Din didn’t respond, frozen in embarrassment, visor pointed down at the table, his silence speaking volumes.

  Cara spoke first, her voice incredulous.  “Seriously?  But you two are so close…. You share a bed…” Cara stopped herself abruptly and shook her head, taking in his withering posture, clearly uncomfortable.  “I’m sorry.  It’s none of our business.”

  He really shouldn’t discuss this without talking to you, right? But these were his best, and really only, close friends.  He’d had to hide so many parts of himself from them.  Maybe this - his connection to you - was something he could share.

  Din cleared his throat awkwardly.  “It’s okay… We have an unconventional relationship.  We, uhhh… touch a lot… and enjoy kissing… but neither of us wants a sexual relationship.”

  Now Karga was incredulous.  “How do you touch and kiss and share a bed and… not give in to temptation?”  He took another drink, adding under his breath, “You are a stronger man than I, Mando.”

  Sincerely wanting to be understood, Din countered,  “There has never been temptation… I really don’t experience that like most people, and neither does she.  Things did slowly change after we got married and the beskar was no longer a barrier between us, though.  We connected in a more intimate way, I guess, and we both found we enjoyed… physical closeness… but not the sexual kind.  We just don’t feel that.”

  Cara was thoughtful.  “Hmm… I didn’t realize not feeling that was possible.  I figured it was a natural response.  Doesn’t biology… you know… ‘do its thing’ once in a while?”

  Din’s face was growing more flushed by the second under the helmet, but he tried hard not to act as flustered as he felt.  “No, not usually.  There’s still biological needs, but I prefer to handle those myself than with another person.  We’ve both had sex before, when we were younger, but since it was never something either of us enjoyed, there’s really no draw to it, even when we’re doing physically intimate things.  Those things aren’t arousing for us - just ‘nice for the senses’ as she puts it.”

  Karga took a moment to ruminate over this information, the concept of not feeling attracted to anyone ever or practicing physical intimacy as a non sexual act being very foreign concepts.  But he was just so happy that Mando finally shared something real with him that he could easily accept this even if his brain couldn’t fully process it.  Finally, he responded.  “And you’re happy with this arrangement?”

  Din smiled under the helmet, despite the heat of his face, still burning with self-consciousness, completely unused to speaking of such things.  “Yeah,” he said wistfully.  “I’m happy… happier than I’ve ever been, honestly.”

  “You sound like a man in love,” Cara’s voice betrayed her typically stoic nature, so pleased to know that her rough but unexpectedly kind friend had found some happiness.

  Din replied with emotion, voice cracking a bit, as the alcohol made his thoughts of you even softer than usual, “I’ve loved her… like a close friend… or like family… for years.  It feels different now, more committed and more intimate… but I’m not in love with her in the romantic sense.  I don’t think either of us is capable of that - or even knows what it should feel like.  I wish there was a word to explain it - it’s not platonic, as I feel for both of you, for example, but it’s not quite romantic, either.”

  Cara smiled as she stood up from the table and placed a hand on his shoulder.  “Well, I should hit the sheets.  I’ve got work tomorrow.  However you define it, I’m really happy for you, Din.  You seem different with her - calmer… at peace… and you deserve that.”

  He briefly touched the back of her hand with his gloved fingers, as he replied genuinely, “Thanks, Cara.  I mean it.”

  Once the door shut behind her, Karga cleared his throat loudly.  “All right… I have a follow-up question.  I understand if you prefer not to answer…”  Din nodded for him to continue.  “You said it usually doesn’t get heated, which suggests that at some point it has…”

  Din cleared his throat uncomfortably but replied honestly.  “Before the fight with Bo-Katan… We were both sure I was about to die… It felt like I couldn’t get close enough to satisfy my last moments with her…” Din’s voice was becoming strained, and Karga put a hand on his shoulder in comfort.  “The adrenaline probably… led me to initiate some things… But she had her head on straight enough to stop it… It’s the only time either of us has ever felt true sexual desire, but it didn’t last once the adrenaline wore off, and it would have been a mistake.  She has so much trauma, and I could never have forgiven myself if I’d contributed to that.  She’s told me not to feel guilty, but the shame of having initiated it at all still keeps me up some nights.”

  “Din,” Karga used his given name to convey his seriousness.  “You did nothing wrong.  It sounds like the confusion was mutual… and a very normal human response, by the way... You need to let go of this guilt.”  Din relaxed slightly but didn’t look entirely convinced.  Karga pressed on, still worried at the tone of this typically self-assured warrior.  “Tell me - was she upset about it?”

  Din answered quickly, “No, not at all.”  He even managed a chuckle.  “She was as kind and level-headed about it as she is about everything else.  We talked about it the next morning.  She’s not ready for that and likely won’t ever be… And I’m honestly indifferent.  I’m curious what it could be like with someone I trust the way I do her.  But I don’t need to satisfy that curiosity.  I’m happy with our relationship as it is.  If she ever changes her mind, then maybe it’s a possibility.”

  “Well, Mando, despite its… oddness… your relationship is… enviable…. Men like us don’t often have the opportunity to be close to someone the way you two are, and I’m so glad you’ve found your version of happiness.  It suits you.”

  “Thanks, Greef.  I never would have believed it before I met her, but it does suit me.”

  —--------------------------

  You stood under the hot shower at home in your own ship, trying to wash away your anxiety.  Din had commed to let you know he was running late heading back from Nevarro and to meet him at the ship in a few hours.  But that was five hours ago… and he hadn’t called since.  Radio silence wasn’t really that unusual for him, communication of delays and altered plans often slipping his mind when piloting or focused on a job.  You tried not to get too worked up about it, but as hours passed, you could no longer control the anxious thoughts that flooded your mind.

  But now alone with your thoughts in the small shower stall, memories of your conversation with Fennec brought a new kind of angst - embarrassed self-consciousness over sharing the intimate details of your relationship.  To be completely honest, though, it was nice to talk to someone about it and let it be known among friends what you and Din were to each other.

  A sudden jolt took you out of your own head as you registered heavy footsteps approaching the fresher door.  You hadn’t even heard the ramp, and Din would have announced his presence.  Kriff, you had nothing but a thin towel at your disposal - no clothes and no weapons.  

  You braced yourself for a fight and held the threadbare towel closed at your chest, fingers in a death grip.  The knob turned, and the door began to slowly open...  And there stood your husband… turning redder by the second.

  You let out the breath you’d been holding as your grip on the towel loosened enough to allow circulation to return to your fingers.  “DANK FARRIK, Din!  You nearly scared the life out of me!  You’re lucky I didn’t have my blaster in here…”  You paused your reprimand as you assessed the situation.  “Why in the Maker’s name would you sneak up on me in the fresher?”

  “I was… excited to see you…” he said guiltily, feeling terrible that he’d induced such a fearful reaction.  Maybe he hadn’t thought this through. “It didn’t occur to me in the moment that you were obviously… naked in here…”

  You didn’t really know what to say to that.  All you could manage at that moment was a slightly lame, “It’s all right… We’ve seen all the parts before, so… no harm done… ”

  “I just… missed you… Surprising you seemed like a good idea in the moment… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you… I’ll just go wait out here…”

  You took a large step forward to grab his arm with your free hand as he turned back toward the bunk.  Maker, this sweet man. “Din, come back in here.”

  “Are you sure it’s all right?  I should give you some privacy to get dressed first.”

  You didn’t answer but instead turned off the shower as you tightened the towel a bit more and dragged him gently by the arm to join you in the small space, resting your forehead on his shoulder as you wrapped your arms around his torso.  His head fell into its usual position in the crook of your neck, hands caressing your back, and you just stood there together, relishing in being close to each other again after your brief separation.  Finally, you spoke into his shirt, “I missed you, too… This is nice.”

  His chest rumbled as he chuckled lightly, “Well, I’m still sorry.  Seeing parts when you’re injured and actively dying is a bit different than walking in on you in the fresher.  I’m not sure what I was thinking.”

  “It’s really all right, Din.  Let’s just make a habit of knocking, yes?”  You kissed him firmly, all forgiven.  “By the way, Fennec got me drunk and made me tell her all of the intimate details of our relationship…”

  If he was upset, he certainly didn’t show it, as his chest rumbled again with laughter.  “Well then I don’t feel badly about everything I told Cara and Greef over a few pints of spotchka.”  You giggled at the mental image of your inebriated mandalorian spilling his heart out to his equally battle-hardened friends.  “I’m not sure they entirely understand, but they did try.  Apparently, you and I are quite the anomaly.”

  “I believe the word Fennec used was ‘weird’.”

  “Does it bother you, cyar’ika?” Din asked tentatively, “that our friends think our relationship is strange?”

  “No, Din, not in the slightest.  I am very much at peace with myself… and you…. It doesn’t matter that others find it odd.  I never thought I could have this kind of happiness.”  You smiled up at him, the soft moment interrupted by a sudden shiver shaking your still wet form.

  “You really do make me so happy, Cyar’ika… I hope you know that… Come on, let’s get you warmed up.”  He pulled away from you, careful to keep the thin towel in place, and guided you to the sleeping quarters, warm hands vigorously rubbing your shoulders as you went.

  You assumed he’d leave you then, to give you privacy to put on your night clothes.  But instead, he stayed and rifled through your drawers, clearly searching for something in particular.  Finally, he found what he was looking for and turned to you triumphantly. Maker, it was the wool nightgown you’d inherited from your mother - ugly but insulating, something you’d kept mostly for sentimental reasons.  And he remembered, all this time later.

  As he pulled the thick cloth over your head, keeping eyes averted and hands safely by your shoulders as the towel fell to the floor, you were awestruck by the complete lack of awkwardness and discomfort in this vulnerable situation… a man dressing your nearly nude form, respectfully, and with no other intention except to make you warm… and you were fine with it.

  You almost didn’t recognize yourself these days - completely comfortable with such intimate things that once would have struck anxiety and fear in your heart.  With him, it was so easy… It made you wonder what other things might be possible… You would have to think on that a bit more…

  Newfound comfort levels aside, you were feeling perfectly content with the current status quo - having established the validity of your unconventional but committed relationship with trusted friends and having reinforced its importance in your life and your happiness. 

  A piece of paper that would solve all of your problems - that’s what Fennec had called this marriage all that time ago when she first made the suggestion.  Stars, it was so much more... As Din had once said, on the same day you’d consummated this marriage no less (Mandalorian style, anyway), it was truly the greatest blessing of your life.

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Thanks for reading!

Next chapter

[ohheyitsokay]

Hi Elle! 💗 I was thinking about the bucket heads, and when they might realize like “uh oh - is this a crush?” (Like, when they realized they might like you - or even love you, if that’s preferable). Do you think it would be during a big moment, or would it be from just a little moment during your usual day-to-day?

Hi Jess!!! How soft 🥺 here are some of my thoughts? (Hopefully this is who/what you had in mind?)

I think Boba would be the closest to a big moment - but not like a rescue or anything romantic in a traditional sense. I could see it being like during a moment the reader stands their ground in a fight or otherwise. Maybe you're defending your right to travel by his side, after weeks of responding only with side-eye to the comments.

Look at the great Boba Fett, and his new little pet, they said, and he watched your shoulders tense under the weight of carrying their offers to replace you on his right. He thought he admired, appreciated that you ignored it, enjoyed the dignity in which you seemingly let their jeers and judgement slide off of you, but when you stood up for yourself? When you dug your heels in and lifted your chin and leveled your gaze, eyes filled with danger and confidance and words as powerful as his own? That's my girl, he thinks, before catching himself. His? And he looks at you again, hooking a satisfied smile in his direction, worthiness making your shoulders light again, and he knows. His.

I like the idea of Din being so caught up in the world he created that he doesnt realize just how special you've become to him, just how valuable your compatibility is. Maybe it's a moment, a bounty makes a jeer about it, how sick your teamwork makes him, and the way he says partner sticks in Din's mind. It makes him think about Peli, or one of the others, who told him you looked good together, maybe made a strange comment about how lucky it seemed. And then he begins to notice moments, collect little compromises he's made, or little bits of you that make him warm inside. He finds the rubbled remnants of the walls he broke down for you, and it should shock him - should be a anxiety ridden "uh oh" - but isn't. It takes him a bit to put them all together, but he kind of thinks it's been a long time coming. He doesn't really know what to do with his feelings not really, but it sort of seems like you've been rowing in the same boat this whole time, knowingly or not. And he knows how to be a good partner for you, has already learned you as well as one can, so he's not really worried - liking you is as natural, like his rifle being the extension of his arm.

In love, I think Paz parallels his armour, a Mandalorian through and through. Rough and tough and strong on the surface, reputation included, and careful, complicated, maybe a bit confusing on the inside. It's what they dont want outsiders to see, what they're working on, desperately, but that havent quite been figured out yet. So when he sees that way you smile, the light in your eyes, it makes him kind of... defensive. And he shoves it away, pushes the idea of vulnerability as far as he can and it's funny, because good things come back around, that's the way. He's drawn to you, and then I think you just look at him. See him for who he is, see him as man before a Mandolorian and maybe , maybe he hears his name on your lips for the very first time, his real name. You say Paz in a way he thinks he likes, thinks he could hear for awhile and ... uh oh. Is this a crush? And he's flustered on the inside, nervous, and awkward and honestly maybe a little but afraid? But you see that too, dont let him run away, and he's thankful you dont because. Yeah. It's a crush.

[captainkappa]

Fanfic:: Out of Reach

“Soulmates” has become the equivalent of “love at first sight” across the galaxy. Lock eyes with someone, hold out a bare hand for a greeting, it’s as simple as that. .

But Din doesn’t think about any of that as he stares at the black-robed Jedi in front of him. 

Or "The 5 Times Din and Luke Didn't Touch Skin-to-Skin and the 1 Time They Did'

Day 1 of @dinlukenation‘s Dinluke week! My very first soulmate AU ever!

A HUGE thanks to @notsosweet16 for betaing!

AO3 Link

-=-=-=-

1.

“Soulmates” has become the equivalent of “love at first sight” across the galaxy. Lock eyes with someone, hold out a bare hand for a greeting, it’s as simple as that. People’s hands are covered in tattoos where they first made contact with their soulmate, romantic or otherwise. Wearing gloves has become something of a statement, limiting your ability to easily find your soulmate.

But Din doesn’t think about any of that as he stares at the black-robed Jedi in front of him. He doesn’t think about soulmates, or his Creed, or anything of the sort. He just thinks about Grogu, how he wants him to see his face clearly before he has to go with his people.

And so, he takes off his helmet, finally able to look at Grogu without the filter of the T-visor.

Din can’t imagine handing Grogu over, can’t imagine physically being responsible for this separation. He sets Grogu on the floor, lets him toddle to safety, something Din could never provide.

He doesn’t remember how he got back on Boba’s ship. His helmet is still off but he has the vague notion that no one saw him.

Not that it matters.

He comes out of the fog when his body cries for it, so he drags himself out of the cot and to the fresher, cognizant enough to be thankful no one else is in this part of the ship.

He takes care of his business and is faced with his reflection in the mirror. He realizes then that he should’ve kept his gaze to the sink, but now that he’s looking, he can’t tear his gaze away.

Puffy, red rimmed eyes meet his, brown curls matted to one side where he’d been laying down, but he can’t pull his eyes away to the small flower tattoo on his cheek. Din doesn’t know a damn thing about flowers, but it’s small and green, with a million little petals surrounding the center.

It’s right where Grogu touched him.

As if he didn’t know already, as if he needed magic ink to tell him what he knew in his heart of hearts from that first moment he held out a finger to the child.

He stays there until his legs burn and the tears come back. He’s glad no one is there to watch him.

2.

Din is slumping in his seat, one of the first things they beat out of foundlings before they earned their armor. Beskar is sacred, it demands a straight spine and discipline when wearing it.

He couldn’t think of a better way to make his displeasure known for this political party Bo-Katan is dragging him to than to slump in his seat on the ride there. Especially in this gold-plated nonsense Bo-Katan pulled out once they’d taken back Sundari. This armor isn’t his, it’s a shell that other Mandos are shoved in, a shell Din never asked for.

Bo-Katan turns around in her seat to face him, a scowl on her face. She almost looks as displeased with the situation as Din does.

“You’re acting like a child,” she says.

“Then fight me.” He holds the darksaber loosely in his hand, dangerously close to dropping it.

“I’m not about to kick a man when he’s already down. Pull yourself together and I’ll challenge you.” She turns back, eyes to the swirl of hyperspace. “We’re nearly there, pull yourself together.”

That’s been the majority of their interactions for the past few months. Bo-Katan refuses to take the saber back unless it’s a fair fight and he can’t bring himself to care. What’s left is a lot of tight silences. While Din still finds that taking back Mandalore is a fool’s errand, he can at least admit that kicking Imp ass feels cathartic.

But the weight in his chest comes back when he takes off his helmet in the borrowed room on the cruiser. Then he feels like he has all the time to consider never putting his helmet on again, leaving him to stare at the reflection, at that small bundle of petals on his cheek.

Din only has four other soulmate tattoos; two from his parents, one from the Armorer, and one from Paz. He’s seen people in the galaxy with thousands, covering their entire bodies. It’s in these moments he decides to keep the helmet on, if only to hold this small part to himself, to keep it as secret as possible.

Today, Bo-Katan needs him as the figurehead for some New Republic party. Din wanted to tune out the plans, but Koska’s infernal tapping prevented that. The whole point of this was to make a strong showing in order to prove that Mandalore was strong enough to not join the New Republic. That political meeting wouldn’t take place for a month, but Din still had to go to this stupid party.

They exit hyperspace to see Chandrilla, a bright spot in the sights. They bring the small vessel to where they’re directed, landing in amongst a hundred other ships with senators of all races disembarking. Din clips the darksaber to his belt and heaves himself up, following after Bo-Katan with Wolves at his back.

He tunes out of the security check, with Kryze firmly stating that “the Mand’alor” would not be without his darksaber. Din wants to shove the offending thing in the security guard’s direction, let it get lost, let the responsibility fall from his shoulders.

But the security guard bends to Kryze’s will and the darksaber remains firmly at his side as they enter the paty, descending a short staircase to the main area.

It’s not as opulent as Din expected, he’s crashed fancier when bringing in bounties. He can hear Bo-Katan whisper to Wolves about how different it would’ve been on Mandalore in its prime, with matching tables and tablecloths, with crystals all of the same matching set. Din tunes out the conversation to look for the quietest place to hunker down and wait for the night to end. The area is entirely open, tall windows letting in light from the setting sun, illuminating where senators mingle and where tables are set up for dinner later.

He continues his scan of the room but stops as his eyes lock with a man across the room, a man with dirty blond hair, wearing all black robes.

Din barely realizes he’s walking until he is face to face with the man.

He can barely keep the fury out of his voice when he asks, “Where’s Grogu?”

The man, who looked calm before, now looks at him with raised eyebrows. “I- You changed your armor.”

That… isn’t the response he had been expecting, but it still doesn’t answer his question.

“You said Grogu would be safe with you. Where is he?”

He steps forward, forcing the Jedi to step back, but he’s not scared like most people are when he does that.

“He is safe! I couldn’t get out of attending so I got Chewie to babysit! I’ll be back as soon as I can. Sometimes I’m forced to come to New Republic meetings, but I have systems in place.” The Jedi looks him dead in the eyes, an impressive feat considering the helmet. “I give you my word that your son is safe.”

The sincerity grips Din to his core and before he can say anything in response, Bo-Katan has finally caught up to him and is dragging him away.

She brings him to an alcove that he’s already decided will be where he spends the rest of the party. She thrusts a finger in his face. He doesn’t flinch.

“I didn’t mind you doing your own thing at this party because I thought you wouldn’t do anything,” she hisses. “I didn’t expect you to yell at the last karking Jedi in the galaxy! Don’t do that again!”

“Whatever you say, princess.”

The look on her face is one of the best things he’s seen recently. He makes a mental note to thank Fett for teaching him that insult.

The rest of the party passes in a blur. Din stays where he is, just watching from the shadows. Sometimes he catches sight of the Jedi, who seems to have made it his mission to talk to everyone. He cuts an imposing figure still, even when not in combat, in all black robes flowing behind him. Dinner is served and Din stays in place, knowing there are ration bars on the ship.

He sees the Jedi laugh at something a woman in white says, his head tilted back, and he looks the most human he has all night. Din turns back to watching the two Nite Owls.

Finally, Bo-Katan signals that the night is over. He leaves his spot and joins them. They’re halfway up the steps when a voice calls out to them.

He turns to find the Jedi, face slightly flushed, a step or so below them.

“Manda’lor, I apologize for how the night started. I wish to make steps in order to make up for that in the future, if you’ll allow it,” he said, holding a gloved hand out.

He could feel the heat of Bo-Katan’s stare on the back of his neck.

“Okay,” he says, shaking his hand.

That’s why he hears the scrape of flimsi against the leather of his gloves. He pulls back his hand, palming the paper to look at later. The Jedi nods and wishes them a safe flight.

It’s only when he’s safe in his room on the cruiser does he look at the paper the Jedi slipped him.

It’s a set of coordinates and a note.

The Jedi school needs to be kept a secret to ensure the safety of the padawans. I’ll be back on the surface in two standard days. I hope this is okay as a first step.

-Luke Skywalker

3.

He leaves for Yavin as soon as he can. Bo-Katan doesn’t question him, just lets him take one of the ships from the cruiser with the promise that he will come back when he’s of right mind to fight her for the darksaber.

It’s the first time they’ve agreed on anything. He leaves the gold-plated beskar in the borrowed room and leaves, feeling more like himself than he has in a while.

As he powers up the hyperdrive, the same phrase burns its way through his skull.

I’m going to see Grogu again.

A restless few hours in hyperspace later, he arrives on Yavin IV in the early morning. He picks up a hail and it’s Skywalker, who leads him through where to land.

He lands near one of the tall structures that poke out of the tree line. The ramp of the ship lowers, but when he sees Grogu, held in the arms of the Jedi, it’s not soon enough. He leaps off the ship, landing in a way that his knees will protest later, but he can’t help himself. His son is there, wiggling out of the Jedi’s grip so he can run up and meet him in the middle.

Din scoops his child up and holds him close, pressing his forehead to his. Grogu babbles nonsense and it’s the most beautiful noise he’s heard.

When his heart stops racing, he looks up and realizes that Skywalker is surrounded by five other kids, a human, a Miraluka, a Wookie, and two Twi’leks.

His gaze finds Luke’s again.

He clears his throat. “Thank you.”

Skywalker gives him an easy smile and says, “Let me show you around.”

He gets the tour of the temple, often interrupted by the curious questions of the children who have latched onto him. At the end, Luke shuffles everyone off to dinner, but holds Din back for a moment, a hand on his elbow, fingers finding the spaces between his armor.

“This isn’t a one-time thing,” Luke says. “You’re welcome back to the school whenever you want. I just ask that you don’t interrupt Grogu’s lessons and you keep the school a secret.”

And with that, Din falls into a routine.

He starts taking bounties again, something Greef is all the more happy for even if he sticks to small ones that won’t take months to bring in. He visits the school at least once a month, circling the planet if need be, to make sure he doesn’t land during lessons. He’s thankful for any time he gets with Grogu, before or after lessons.

It’s in the times in-between where he finds himself surprisingly restless. Luke said to consider himself a guest, but his body itches for action. Yavin is a peaceful planet, so instead of action, he finds projects for himself.

First are the lights in the basement. Then a side door that hesitates a second too long before opening. Luke tries to dissuade him from working, but Din’s stalwart. The next time Din comes for a visit, Luke shows him the list of updates he wanted to do, which he had made when he first moved in, again reassuring Din that he doesn’t need to do anything with it.

Din takes it gladly.

He’s working on the overhead fan in the kitchen - it gets stuck on the highest setting - when Luke’s droid bumps the back of his leg. Luke has introduced it to him, but the name escapes him. He doesn’t find himself recoiling from droids anymore, but he still prefers to put distance between droids and himself and Grogu.

He glances down at the shiny blue and white astromech. “What?”

The droid spins in a circle, beeping loudly.

“What? Do you want a damn cookie?”

The droid spins in a more furious circle and finally, he sees the problem.

“Oh, your wheel is stuck.”

The droid lets out a beep that sounds exasperated, but he can’t be sure.

“Well, why are you telling me? Go tell Skywalker.”

The droid makes a bunch more beeping noises and moves toward the window. Din, at a loss for what else to do, followed. He sees Luke in the courtyard with the padawans. They’re sitting in a circle, legs crossed, eyes closed. Even at this distance, Din can see how peaceful Luke looks, how the lines smooth from his face, lines someone Luke’s age shouldn’t have yet.

He looks down at the droid that’s moving in a semi-circle, back and forth. He thinks it’s trying to look cute.

“Alright. Lemme see it.”

It’s an awkward dance to get the droid to prop up its leg. He imagines Luke must have a space set up for this very thing, but his tools are already here and he’s not about to go poking where Luke hasn’t already told him he could go.

It’s where Luke and the foundlings find him when they come in for lessons, Din hunched over the astromech, quietly bitching back as it beeps in apparent distress.

“I’m almost done!” Din exclaims, holding the last two wires in his hand. “Do you want me to stop here? Your movement would be even more limited.”

“Are you two having fun?” Luke asks, snapping Din out of his reverie.

He turns to face a smirking Luke, glad the helmet hides the warmth inexplicably climbing up his face.

“This thing demanded I fix his leg.” He taps the leg in question, which gets Artoo’s head spinning.

Luke snorts but puts on the same face he gives his students when they’ve done something bad. “That’s not very nice, Artoo, he was just trying to help!”

Artoo shakes its head, which might be an apology? Din can’t tell because then Luke is squatting down in front of him, a hand on Din’s knee for balance.

“If he’s not going to thank you, I will. You didn’t have to.”

And Din realizes he didn’t. It had never occurred to him not to do this for Artoo, for Luke.

“You were busy, and this piece of shit wasn’t letting up.”

That definitely gets him an angry beep from Artoo, but Luke just smiles.

“He’s definitely thankful,” he says with a smile that seems to come easy to him.

Din, not knowing what to say in response, just nods and finishes soldering the last wires in place. With the hatch in place, Artoo straightens up and gives them a turn around the kitchen. He then gives a series of loud beeps as he turns in a tight circle.

“Yes, you look very nice,” Luke says to the droid, who bumps his leg in affirmation. Luke continues, “Well, while I’m here, do you want a tune up, buddy?”

The droid spins his head in an affirmative and Luke chuckles.

“Alright, let’s go down to my workshop.”

Luke takes a couple of steps before turning back.

“Coming?”

Din looks up from where he was putting his tools away. “Do… you want me here?”

“Of course! Besides, you know what they say, four hands are better than two.”

“I’ve never heard that before.”

“You’ve never met a besalisk before then.”

Din just shakes his head, an amused smile on his face that he knows Luke can’t see, but he packs up his tools and follows Luke to the workshop, which is easily the messiest place in the temple. Parts are strewn everywhere, there are tables but they merely serve as a means to hold more stuff, but Luke walks in like it’s home, throwing his robe over a chair, shoulders relaxing with the movement.

Artoo wheels over to a spot against the wall, and Din quickly realizes the platform elevates for better access on the droid. The tools float over and with a jerk of Luke’s head, he beckons Din over.

He settles in on the other side of Artoo, wordlessly putting his tools with Luke’s between them. He lets Luke open the main access panel and already, the astromech is beeping up a storm.

“What’s he saying?”

Luke doesn’t look up from his work, pulling out the necessary parts and handing some over to Din.

“Artoo is bitching about the last time I did this for him. No, it was not on Hoth.” He lightly smacks the droid’s recently fixed leg.

Din can’t help the way his head tilts. “Why would you ever go to Hoth?”

“It was a Rebel base for a while.”

And Luke launches into a story about the initial days at that base, jumping into the snow just to jump in the hot springs. That turns into his story taking down an AT-AT by himself. He can tell Luke is skipping over parts based on when he pauses, but Din doesn’t mind the censorship. Din even finds himself recounting the events of Sorgan. He finds himself startlingly content like this, passing tools to one another, swapping stories, a mouthy droid between them.

4.

Din can’t find Luke anywhere, but he’s not about to panic just yet.

The last time he has seen Luke was when they were trading off kids. Since the list of repairs has gotten shorter and shorter, he helps with the children. Luke has never asked for his help, but the grateful look is evident to Din when he arrives to take the foundlings off his hands. Din is in charge of the kids after lessons, giving Luke the break he desperately needs before dinner.  On some days, Din has to leave a heated plate outside of Luke’s door, the Jedi already passed out from a long day.

And so, with Artoo on reluctant-babysitter duty, Din wanders the halls of the temple, checking in all the usual places; the workshop, the study, the meditation room, and the man’s personal room.

It’s only when he walks outside the temple and looks up does he find Luke, a dark spot on the levels of the temple. He didn’t even know there was a way to get onto them.

So, he powers on his jetpack and takes a short flight up. Luke glances at him for a moment before he looks back to the horizon. Din swallows, noticing how the robe falls off his shoulder, revealing a brown tunic, the collar being pulled down with the weight of the robe, revealing freckled skin.

“You missed dinner,” he says, by way of greeting.

“Ah, sorry. I was cleaning after the kids and looked up and… have you seen anything like it?”

Din looks at the horizon and he really tries, but it looks most of the same as most sunsets he’s seen on moons like Yavin IV; varying shades of red petering off into soft clouds.

He sits down, leaving plenty of space between him and Luke, to try and see if being at his level will give him the same experience. It doesn’t

Before he can give an appropriate answer, Luke whips his head around and stares at him, really scrutinizing him. Din is struck dumb for a moment, unaware as to why he’s under such a microscope.

Finally, Luke speaks up. “How well can you see the colors?”

“Not terribly well.” When was the last time he looked at a sunset without the helmet? Sorgan, all those months ago?

Luke considers him again before pulling at the cloth belt at his waist. Before Din can realize what he’s doing, the cloth is around his eyes, firmly tied in place.

“Here. This okay?” Luke asks.

Din is struck dumb for another moment. Luke had just been waxing about how beautiful the sunset was and now… was blinding himself so Din could see. Has anyone ever done that for him? Din can’t remember.

“Um… how well can you see?”

“I see a little bit of the sky, but that’s it. Dark as night in here.”

Din holds up three fingers. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“One,” he says with a smile like he’s told a joke.

“Okay… okay.” Din takes a shaky breath before undoing the clasp and removing his helmet, putting it to the side.

Immediately, the world is bathed in a soft red. He looks to the horizon and his breath catches in his throat. The sun is low in the sky, surrounded by a deep orange that fades into red. The clouds, as few of them that there are, look like they’re on fire. He shifts closer to Luke, just enough so the glare of the sun against his ship (his ship, that he bought with his own money, no longer relying on Bo-Katan’s charity) is no longer in his eyes.

Luke must correctly interpret his silence for awe.

“Right?” Luke says, happiness clear in his voice. “But I’ll be honest, no sunset can match a binary sunset on Tatooine.”        

“You’re from Tatooine?”

“Yeah, 19 miserable years under those suns. ‘Course now… I think a lot differently about that time.”

And just like that, Luke is talking about shooting womp rats and all the things he and his friends did to fight off the boredom. He touches on the excitement when his friends were getting their soulmate tattoos, the games they’d play to touch and see. His hands fly about as he does so and Din can detect a hint of a twang in his voice the more he talks about his past. He also catches how his voice pauses when he talks about his aunt and uncle who raised him, but he doesn’t press.

His hands settle as Din finds himself talking about his youth in the Fighting Corps, the mischief he and his siblings would get into, even when they should have been too tired to move.

Din looks down and sees that the tips of Luke’s fingers are touching his own. He can’t tell if it’s on purpose or not, so he leaves his hand there.

By the time the other moons are visible, the two of them are still up there.

5.

Maybe it’s a bad idea to take a high-profile bounty right after losing the darksaber to Bo-Katan, but Din is feeling on top of the world, so he decides to act like it. As he nurses his wounds on his ship, it’s clear he’s rustier than he realized.

He delivers on the bounty though, he’s not that out of practice. Nonetheless, he ends up using more bacta on himself than he anticipated. That’s after realizing that the tube was expired by a couple of months, but he slips into old habits, using the spray anyway.

As much as Din planned on going straight to Yavin, he lingers in Nevarro, lingering in the market before buckling down and using his new found credits. He buys a pack of cookies for the foundlings, a plush bantha for Grogu, and he hesitates further before grabbing the leather gloves and slapping them on top of the pile.

Din spends most of the ride to Yavin IV wondering if he should forget the gloves or give them to Luke as intended. He doesn’t think about how his hand keeps finding his arm and rubbing at it.

He comms ahead to let Luke know he’s arriving so that when he touches down, Luke’s corralling the children to stand far enough back. Grogu is the first to escape, running up and not slowing down, but Din considers himself an expert at picking up his son, even when he’s holding things in his other hand. The children crowd around him and soon he’s divested of the cookies and plush. He can see the other man’s expression soften at the sight, and further soften when Din holds out the gloves.

“I… I thought of you when I saw them,” he says, suddenly nervous.

Luke takes them, bare hand feeling the smooth leather. He looks back up to Din.

“Thank you,” he says. His eyes slide down Din’s body, holding him in place until he stops.

He turns to the children around him. “Tayf, can you bring everyone inside for nap time?”

The Miraluka girl nods, corralling all of the smaller children into the Temple. The Wookie walks up and wordlessly holds out his hands for Grogu. Din gives him over easily, knowing how much Grogu loves his new friends. He goes to follow the kids, but a firm hand on his elbow stops him.

Leaning in close, Luke whispers, “Are you okay?”

“What?”

Luke balls up the sleeve of his robes and pressed on his arm. He looks up at him with intent in his eyes. “You’re bleeding.”

Din looks himself over and the movement causes pain to flare up on his arm and that’s when he remembers.

“I’m fine. The bacta I used had expired, but that’s it.”

Luke’s still looking at him with a steely gaze, but the grip on his elbow lessens.

“Can you… indulge me and let me help you out still? You should probably wash out the old bacta anyway.”

Din’s tongue suddenly feels much heavier. “But your students…”

“Can handle nap time by themselves. Please? If your Creed will allow it?”

Din accepts.

Luke keeps an arm on him the entire walk there and Din has reasons why that’s unnecessary on the tip of his tongue, that he’s survived far, far worse, that the wound is on his arm and not his hand, but he keeps his mouth shut. Luke steers him to a fresher that is out of the way enough that the kids won’t walk in on them.

Luke gestures for him to sit on the edge of the tub and once seated, looks much more nervous than he did outside.

“Um, if you need me to turn around or… something.”

“I can take off my armor while you grab the bacta?”

“Yes! Yes, that’s a good idea!”

Luke leaves. Alone, Din carefully pulls off and lays down the pauldron and vambrace on the ground next to him. He considers the flight suit before carefully rolling it up past the wound. It squeezes uncomfortably, but it’s better than stripping entirely or cutting the sleeve.

Luke returns with a small pile of things in his hands.

“This is maybe a little too much but,” the glove snaps against his skin and he hisses, “you never know.”

Din just nods, suddenly trying to remember the last person who took this much care with him.

The actual process of cleaning up and bandaging is quick. Not much blood was trickling out, so it was a routine process. That’s what Din tells himself as he hyperfocuses on the occasional drag of the glove on his skin, the tender way Luke’s fingers prod at the wound for signs of infection, how their faces seem so, so close right now.

But it’s a barely there feeling, and then Din is pulling the sleeve back into place and Luke is shucking off the latex.

“Thank you.”

Luke gives him a small smile. “Just make sure you restock before you leave. The temple’s stores are open to you.”

“I know.”

Luke turns to start dinner but pauses. “Thank you for the gloves by the way.”

“It’s nothing.”

“No, it’s not.”

The wound tingled for ages after Luke left, and Din was left to consider if it was because of the bacta working or Luke’s proximity. He brings up his other hand to trace the wound, to try and chase that lingering warmth.

 +1.

All of the famous soulmate stories involve the touch being a big climactic moment. Holos show the touch happening at the exact right or wrong time. Stars, even Han and Leia had that moment, shouting at each other in the Rebel base. According to Luke, everyone could recount where they were when the shouting suddenly stopped as they made contact.

Din and Luke don’t get a big moment. They get dishes.

The padawans are all asleep in their beds. Din is washing dishes and Luke is drying. Din’s gloves lie abandoned on the table. Din hands a bowl to Luke, their fingers brush with no thought-

And then it clicks.

The two of them whip their heads up to stare at each other, the bowl forgotten on the floor, shattered.

“Did that-?”

“Are we-?”

Din pulls his arm closer to him to confirm that yes, there’s now a small flower tattoo where their fingers brushed, bright, long golden petals drooping toward his palm.

He looks up and sees Luke checking the same with his hand.

Din tries to battle down the rising panic in his throat as he speaks, “I- It’s okay, this doesn’t have to be anything else than friendship.”

Luke looks up sharply. “What… what if I want it to be more?”

“But… attachments?”

“I’m attached to my sister whether I like it or not. I… I’m a grown ass man who can love without falling to the darkside. I’d be able to let you go, like now if you said you wanted to stay friends.”

Din feels dizzy as he admits, “I don’t want to just be friends.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

They hold eye contact and Din is suddenly aware of the space between them.

And how he doesn’t want there to be space between them.

He grasps Luke’s fingers, this time better appreciating the warmth in them. He feels Luke’s fingers flex against his and that just emboldens him to reach up with his other hand and cup the other man’s face. He can more so feel rather than hear how Luke’s voice hitches, feels the warmth of his cheeks as they flare red.

“Can I… do something?”

“Sure,” Luke says, a touch breathless.

Din lets go of Luke’s jaw and brings his hand around. He tangles his fingers in Luke’s hair, sighing at the softens, at the knots he runs into, made from being out all day with the kids.

He tilts Luke’s head forward, bringing his head forward as well, until their foreheads meet. Luke closes his eyes with the movement and Din is just happy to stand here.

He whispers, “This is called a keldabe kiss.”

Still with eyes closed, Luke smiles. “I like it.”

Din does too.

[goddessofmischief]

And I Didn’t Like the Ending, Part 1 - Din Djarin x Reader (Angst)

Based on this request from @joyfullyswimmingface

hey, I have a request for the mandalorian! So mando and the reader are romantically together and she is an jedi. This is set during ch 14, and she along with grogu get taken by moff Gideon. Lots of angst please!

(Also, the title is taken from the song ‘Exile’ by Taylor Swift)

Things had been bad for a long time. A very long time.

Not bad, though, not really bad - just difficult, which was almost a synonym for bad. Arguments that weren’t really arguments, because they didn’t end in fighting, they ended in the two of you splitting off in different directions. Which seemed... almost worse, somehow. You’d rather talk to Din than not, even if you were acting like you hated each other - even then.

Most of it had to do with the kid, on the outside. That’s what the both of you had made it about. You wanted him to stay. You thought sending the kid off with another Jedi was a terrible idea, that Din would miss him, and something would happen. But Din was stubborn, you knew that. You used to like that.

And why couldn’t you train him? You’d asked. He replied every time that the kid was too connected to you, that Ahsoka had said the connection was dangerous. You were like his mother. He wouldn’t want to listen to you.

You, for one, thought Din was being an idiot. But you knew it wasn’t about the kid, not really. No, when it came down to it, it was about one, fundamental problem: Din just didn’t trust you.

He didn’t think you would hurt him, or the kid, sure. But he also didn’t trust you to protect him. He knew you were powerful, but to what point? In his eyes, he would always be the Mandalorian. And you’d be the outsider.

Well, you thought, quietly, as Din landed the ship, you might not be here for long, anyway. With the kid gone, what reason did you have to stay?

“I’m taking him up with the jetpack,” he says, gruffly, and you nod, removing your own jetpack from the wall.

“You’re coming with us?” “Yeah, I am. He’s my son. I’m not letting you get rid of him without saying goodbye.” You don’t need Jedi powers to feel how hard Din is cringing right now, but you can feel it, all the same. He knows you’re mad at him, but something else, too-

You love him so much, and you can feel it all slipping away.

...

Kriffing Boba Fett.

Kriffing Boba Fett and kriffing Fennec Shand. You were tired of the both of them. But for now, they were helpful. For now, they could stay.

“Mando,” you mutter into your comm, “Another ship just landed-” The Razor Crest explodes, and you feel anxiety shoot through you, reaching out for Din through the Force. He wasn’t on it, was he?

Was he?

“I saw it,” you hear him murmur back, and you’re relieved. “I’ll handle it. You go back to the kid. Just... don’t... don’t get hurt, alright?” “I’ll do my best,” you say, sarcastically.

“No, I mean - don’t be a hero.” “Yeah, right. You’d really hate that, wouldn’t you, Djarin? If I could stand up for myself.” “I know you can stand up for yourself, I’m just terrified that you’re gonna be a hero and I’m gonna lose you-” The confession is quick, accidental. But when you reach out for Din, you know he means it. And you get it, somehow. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you. It’s that he’s trying to help you, in his own idiotic, stubborn, Mandalorian way.

“Okay,” you said, climbing up the mountain. “Okay.” Another group of the stormtroopers follow you, and you withdraw your lightsaber - the golden-yellow blade humming against your face. You’re afraid, but you’re not gonna leave the kid for anything. He’s your son, your family, your aliit. That meant something.

Even if it didn’t mean much to Din anymore. Even if it seemed, sometimes, like he’d rather be without you.

“Is the kid still there?”

“Yes,” you said, watching him meditate. “The Force field’s still up, and - oh...” “What? What?”

“Din,” you whisper, calmly, “There’s a ship above us, and -” The Force field faded away.

“The kid’s out of it! He's out of the field!” “Alright,” Din insists. “Go - go get him and meet me down here. Don’t be late.” “Where?” you ask, lifting the kid up and holding him tightly to you, lightsaber balanced in your hand.

“The bottom of the hill - I don’t care. Just be there.”

You nod.

And you hardly feel it when the stormtroopers come down from the sky, shooting you with a blaster set to stun, and take you and the kid away from the mountain.

Like you were never even there.

[gaeilgeoirgay]

Posadh Eagraithe

This was one of the most popular oneshots of my Pride series so I hope you enjoy it :)

Ao3 Link

Summary- Din's Council want him to get married. Except Din is aromantic and he's not interested. Enter Boba Fett. 

Din sighs as he settles himself in the council chambers. The throne is surprisingly comfortable, which he appreciates when the meetings drag on. The meeting today is about an offer they’ve received from the New Republic- namely, whether or not Mandalore as a whole will join them. He knows that they joined the Old Republic when the dar’manda New Mandalorians were in charge, but he doesn’t personally think it would be a good idea for the new Mandalore they are building. He serves his people though, and it will be their decision.

The Clan and House alor’e file into the room and take their designated places. Din had learned the hard way that seating had to be assigned carefully after the alor’e of Clan Onyo and Rau had started a fist fight with each other. Twice. In ten minutes.

Din straightens and waits for everyone to take their seats. The Armourer is at his right and he bows his head slightly. He may be Mand’alor but she is an Armourer. More importantly, she is the leader of his tribe. “Su cuy. I have given you a week to speak with your aliit about the New Republics offer. Today, we will decide what to do based on their answers. Alor be Skirata. What have you decided?” Din says, wasting no time. “Clan Skirata votes to not join them.” Kal Skirata says. Din nods and moves on to the next clan.

It appears his people share Din’s opinions. They’re overwhelmingly in favour of staying out of the New Republic. “Alright, we’re not joining the New Republic. What do you propose we do about them?”Ketsu Onyo asks and Din sighs again. He likes Ketsu but she has a knack for asking questions he doesn’t have an answer for. “I’m not sure yet, but we definitely shouldn’t slam the door in their faces. I’m open to ideas.” He replies anyways. “Like you said, Mand’alor, we should keep our options open. How about an alliance? As narudar, until the Empire is completely rooted out. Or for things like hyperspace lanes or goods we don’t already have access too.” Sabine Wren suggests. Din definitely likes Sabine. She’s whipsmart and always has good ideas that are actually relevant to the conversation. Unlike some people.

“The Republic is worth nothing to us! We have allies already- the Tattooinian lanes are open to us, Sorgan, Nevarro and Stewjon supply us with food and we can take care of the Empire ourselves.” Bo-Katan snaps. There it is. “Yes, we do, However, the New Republic is currently the largest political alliance in the galaxy. We have our own political alliance but it’s easier if they aren’t our enemies. There’s no point in making them turn against us, when they don’t generally affect us.” Din says patiently. He doesn’t know how he hasn’t started his own fistfight with Bo-Katan Kryze. He admires his self-restraint sometimes.

A gleam enters Bo-Katan’s eyes and Din pales beneath his helmet. She’s stopped trying to challenge him physically for the throne but he knows its only because the rest of the Mando’ade have sworn to him. “Well, how will the Republic trust us? Our Council isn’t elected and we technically live under an oligarchy. The Republic practices democracy and as far as they’re concerned, you’re ruling alone without any other Mando’ade having the same social and political power that you do.” She says smugly. Oh no.

The only person with the same status as the Mand’alor is the Rid’alor. Din is aromantic. He has never planned on finding a riddur, maybe just finding someone who would raise ade with him, but without a romantic relationship. If Bo-Katan suggests herself as rid’alor, then dignified king or not, Din will throw himself out the window.

Fenn Rau picks up on the implications too and traditional bastard that he is, decides it’s a great idea. Sabine and Retsu seem sympathetic but they’re outvoted. “Alor’e, I understand that we must appear balanced to the Republic but I am sol’karta. I have no need for a riddur.” Din says, a final objection. That softens a few alor’e but Bo-Katan remains unremoved. “You’ve got a week to pick someone, Djarin. Then the Council will choose. They have to be Mando’ade- we’re trying to show them we’re united.” She says, voice hard. Din ignores the technical disrespect and finally just agrees. If he can pick, maybe he can ask another sol’karta Mandalorian.

Suddenly he gets an idea and grins. He has the perfect person in mind.

Boba yawns behind his helmet as court finishes up. Ruling Tattooine is exhausting. His comm buzzes and he discreetly checks it. It’s Din so he motions Fennec to take the throne for a few minutes and leaves to answer it. “Hey Din. How’s ruling Manda’yaim going?” He asks. Din also seems exhausted. “Meh. How’s Tattooine?” Din replies in turn. “Same old. What’s the comm for?” Din and him chat often but this wasn’t expected. “You’re aromantic, right? Same as me.” Din asks and Boba blinks, taken aback. First of all, he didn’t know Din was aromantic and second of all, why ask?

“Yeah, I am. Why do you ask?” Boba says, genuinely curious. The smile spreading across Din’s uncovered face is downright wicked. “The Council, more specifically Kryze, want me to marry another Mandalorian to show a united front to the Republic. Pretty sure that Kryze is gunning for Rid’Alor if she can’t get Mand’alor. I’ve got a week to pick someone or else the Council chooses.” Din says, the smile turning slightly maniacal. “And you thought of me?” Boba double checks.

“Yep. You don’t have to agree but I thought it over. They cant disagree on the basis you’re not Mandalorian, because you are and the Republic knows that. You’re also a fellow king/ruler so it strengthens our alliances. Your buir and ba’buir were both Mand’alor at some point so it shows that I have the support of my predecessors allit. You’re also aro so I don’t have to worry about my spouse wanting a romantic relationship. We’re already good friends so it won’t change much and my son loves you. We actually like each other so its not an unhappy arranged marriage.” Din hesitates in his list before he quickly adds his next pro.

“If we want to add sex into it, I think you’re hot and I wouldn’t mind. That part depends on your opinion though. And possibly the best part- Bo-Katan is going to have a heart attack and Han Solo will have to pretend he doesn’t hate you at diplomatic functions because the Republic doesn’t want to make Mandalore mad.” He finishes. Boba’s surprise has turned to genuine mirth. Din has clearly thought this out, and it makes sense. Boba isn’t exactly averse to sleeping with Din either- he can admit that the beroya is very attractive. "I'll set my course for Manda'yaim then. See you soon, cyare.”

Din is completely right. Kryze looks like she's just eaten several lemons at their riddurok and her face lands itself a spot in Boba's cherished memories. Din is also very experienced when it comes to the bedroom and Boba enjoys himself thoroughly. The best part to their marriage, however, is at the Republic's ball to celebrate their new alliance with Mandalore.

Han Solo does a doubletake when he sees Boba and he spits out his drink. Leia Organa comes over to talk to Din and Solo looks like he’s barely restraining himself from shooting Boba in front of half the galaxy’s politicians. Boba makes sure to be a perfect gentleman, the very picture of a Rid’Alor and Solo’s veins nearly explode.

All in all, he thinks he likes this friends-with-benefits things. The benefits just happen to include pissing off Han Solo, pissing off Bo-Katan Kryze and most importantly, his and Din’s respective Court’s will never nag them about spouses again. Manda, Din is a genius. Even if marrying him means Boba occasionally has to coax a toddler off the ceiling.

[chamomileteainabuttercup]

Thanks for tagging me in, @demisexuallupin

How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 24, but there are many more orphans, whether from fandoms I no longer enjoy or because I really didn't like how they were written any more. I orphaned rather than deleting them because I knew from comments there were people who'd enjoyed them, so I might as well leave them available in some form.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

782,484 (probably a lot closer to a million if we could count the orphans, I know at least two of them were over 100,000 words each)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Currently I've got fics for Star Wars, various Star Treks, The Witcher, Tintin, Jeeves and Wooster and Sailor Moon. Past fandoms included A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones and Steven Universe (see above about "fandoms I no longer enjoy") - I'm not sure how many in total.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Curse of Chamomile (Geraskier)

Fairy Tales in Deep Space (Garashir)

Locked Inside (also Garashir and have you ever noticed how "Geraskier" and "Garashir" look like the same word written in different bad handwriting also both involve a pretty-eyed slut called Julian)

Boba's Back (Bobadin)

No Peeking (Dincobb)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Oh yes! If only to say thank you and I'm happy they enjoyed it. As for why, it's a combination of "it's just polite," "it's a gentle form of self-promotion" and "the response and interaction is a huge part of why I actually publish stories online instead of just thinking about them to myself." The best comments are the ones that turn into a real back-and-forth conversation, and those often generate more ideas for the story.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I think it's To the Island, a Garashir fic which ended with the two of them concluding they couldn't be openly together because Garak has a lot of enemies and it would be too dangerous. (But I wrote a sequel where they reunite some years later when circumstances have changed.)

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I'm trying to think if I have, but I think the closest I got was crossing over characters from Star Trek: the Next Generation and Deep Space Nine, and it was an AU - not very crazy at all, I just adjusted time so that two characters who would have attended Starfleet Academy several years apart were there at the same time and fell in love. That's Cadets and it's Datashir if you're interested.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not outright hate, but a very ungracious comment of the "I don't like this ship but your writing is good" variety.

If it had been "I didn't use to like this ship but I enjoyed your story so much I'm starting to feel differently!" I would have been very pleased (and I have had some comments like that), but no. If you don't even like the ship, please don't read my story, it is not for you.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

hahahaha I write little else! A big part of why I write fanfic at all is that I want sexy material with the characters I like from media that doesn't get that (onscreen/page) sexy. I do have some G-rated fics, but they're in the minority. My smut tends to be romantic and fluffy and tender, though at the same time it can be relatively hardcore/kinky, I just think it's possible to have romantic, tender rimjobs and canings, you know? The characters are always in love or on the way there. It is virtually always queer. I've written more m/m than f/f, mostly because the SF/fantasy/adventure-type stories I like have disproportionately male casts with more screentime and interesting development given to male characters, and that is an industry problem not a me problem. (I love Sailor Moon the best and that has an overwhelmingly female cast which is great, but the characters are mostly in their early teens and I don't find them sexy at my time of life.)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, and I don't think I could. I've written fic based on discussions I've had, so I consider that co-created by my discussion partner (eg Just Business, Nothing Personal with @djarining) but actual writing feels very personal and idiosyncratic to me and I'm not sure I could mesh with someone else's writing effectively, even if we did it in a relatively discrete way like alternating chapters.

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Probably Garashir, but I don't have a strong degree of favouritism.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

oh uhhhh are we counting incomplete fics that I abandoned a long time ago? Because that's most of 'em, I'm very poor at finishing stories. I tend to want to go on until I've run out of ideas completely and have nothing left for a conclusion.

What are your writing strengths?

Lively dialogue with distinctive character voices seems to be the biggie. Also generating a vibe of comfort and healing. I think I write fairly vivid descriptions.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Not finishing things, struggling to create a plot, getting bogged down because I suddenly hit this weird mental state where I can't figure out how to describe kissing without making it sound gross or boring, and doing the writing-a-sex-scene equivalent of falling asleep right after coming - the chapter tends to end a bit abruptly after a climax because I've spent a long time writing through all this emotional and sexual intensity for the characters and I want to finally push the chapter out and get some response to it.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't care for it myself but I don't object to other people doing it! The fandom I'm currently most involved with is The Mandalorian and there's this current of people using lots of Mando'a dialogue, especially to express deep personal feelings, with characters who we've never canonically heard use the language, eg Boba Fett referring to Jango as his buir when in Attack of the Clones he called him Dad. I'm not saying it's incorrect, people are free to imagine whatever they enjoy, but it throws me off/alienates me slightly while reading - like it doesn't feel natural to me that Boba and Din would speak Mando'a to each other, especially because given Boba's life story I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't speak it well or feel comfortable with it. It's entirely a matter of personal taste rather than something I disapprove of, I want to make that quite clear.

I mildly disapprove of people scattering in words of a real-world language that they clearly don't speak (eg gratuitous "hai" instead of "yes" in an anime-based fic) and are just getting from a phrasebook or Google Translate, just because it's kind of clunky and not really the flavour enhancement I think they intend it to be.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think The Vision of Escaflowne. A very, very long time ago.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Whichever one I'm currently enjoying writing! I feel very fond of Curse of Chamomile because it was the first Witcher thing I wrote based on having only watched the Netflix series, and I felt quite indimidated to begin with but the comments I got were welcoming and lovely and some people even said the characterisation I arrived at worked like a blend of the Netflix series and the books, which was a lucky trick given that I have never read them. That was a really encouraging and up-cheering experience. A lot of the early comments coincided with the time I was on a very enjoyable winter holiday to Taupō so when I had downtime I could refresh AO3 on my phone and there was often something new, and it all just reinforced my Good Time so I remember it fondly.

Tagging, ummm, I always feel awkward doing this because what if someone else tagged them already and I didn't notice? Anyway, we'll say @djarining and @beboots and honestly, anyone else reading this who would like to have a go, consider this your free tag.

[kyberphilosopher]

Important Information

Rules:

I am a minor. As such, smut can not be requested and can not be written. As a compromise, smutty themes can be used as overtones or undertones, often vaguely or simply eluded to. But pure smut? Not for a few months, which is when I’ll be 18. Sorry horndogs. 

Please request through the submission inbox, or my direct messages. Further more, be polite. Be clear. If I ask a question to clear something up, answer it. Don’t let it dangle. I will always ask if there’s anything else you so desire (a word count, any details) so please tell me if there’s nothing else or if there is. English is also not my first language. 

Do not request something against canon. I have written like that before and did not enjoy that. This means if something is considered canon, say Star Wars, such as a line of dialogue or something shown on screen, I would refuse to write you into it. I feel that it distorts the fiction so much you wouldn’t really be in it, and the characters wouldn’t be themselves anymore. Allow me to write you into the world as a side character, as something not shown directly but something that could fit into canon. 

Some fictional characters have different versions of them. For example, Movie Anakin Skywalker, and the Clone Wars Anakin Skywalker. Ben Affleck Batman, or Christian Bale Batman? Or even, Comic Accurate Batman? Specify for me. If not specified after asking for it, I will write the character with headcanon information pulled from multiple ‘canon’ sources. This will be referred to as ‘headcanoned canon’.

Reblog my stuff? Absolutely. I see all my reblogs. But take it an post it to a different site? No. Don’t do that. Maybe I’ll spread over to Ao3 one day, but for now, please don’t. 

Last one I can think of for now. But luckily this can be updated over time. I don’t write drabbles. I know! But just imagine all the times you’ve read a fic so good, only for it to end so soon. I like the thought of writing something both high quality and high quantity, which means I won’t be satisfied with anything under 2,000 words. Unfortunately, this may sometimes come at the expense of time. Especially if what you requested doesn’t fit into my current hyperfixation. 

List of Characters I’ve Written, or Am Open to Writing:

Aayla Secura, Star Wars (Clone Wars)

Ahsoka Tano, Star Wars (Clone Wars and Live Action)

Anakin Skywalker, Star Wars (Clone Wars and Live Action)

Asaaj Ventress, Star Wars (Clone Wars and Books)

Boba Fett, Star Wars (Live Action Original Movies and The Mandalorian)

Bodhi Rook, Star Wars (Rogue One)

Bo-Katan Kryze, Star Wars (Clone Wars and The Mandalorian)

Cal Kestis, Star Wars (Jedi: Fallen Order, Beginning and End of Game)

Cassian Andor, Star Wars (Rogue One)

Darth Maul, Star Wars (Clone Wars)

Din Djarin, Star Wars (The Mandalorian)

Finn, Star Wars (Live Action Sequel Trilogy)

Jyn Erso, Star Wars (Rogue One)

Leia Skywalker, Star Wars (Live Action Original Movies)

Obi-Wan “Ben” Kenobi, Star Wars (Clone Wars and Live Action)

Padme Amidala, Star Wars (Clone Wars and Live Action)

Poe Dameron, Star Wars (Live Action Sequel Trilogy)

Rey, Star Wars (Live Action Sequel Trilogy)

Rex, Star Wars (Clone Wars)

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Batman, DC Comics (All Live Action, All Comic, Arkhamverse, All Animated, Headcanoned Canon)

Bane, DC Comics (Games)

Barry Allen/The Flash, DC Comics (All Live Action, Headcanoned Canon)

Black Canary, DC Comics (Birds of Prey Live Action Movie)

Bruce Wayne, DC Comics (All Live Action, Headcanoned Canon)

Catwoman/Selina Kyle, DC Comics (Headcanoned Canon)

Christopher Smith/Peacemaker, DCEU (All Live Action, Headcanoned Canon)

Cleo Cazo/Ratcatcher 2, DCEU (Live Action)

Conner Kent/Superboy, DC Comics (Titans, All Animated)

Damian Wayne, DC Comics (Animated and Injustice)

Dick Grayson, DC Comics (Titans, All Comic, Arkhamverse, All Animated, All Versions)

Harley Quinn, DC Comics (All Live Action, All Comic, Arkhamverse, All Animated Versions)

Jason Todd/Red Hood, DC Comics (Headcanoned Canon, Arkhamverse, All Animated, Titans, All Versions)

Katana, DC Comics (2016 Suicide Squad Live Action Movie)

Poison Ivy, DC Comics (Arkhamverse, All Comic, All Animated, Headcanoned Canon)

Tim Drake/Red Robin, DC Comics (Arkhamverse, All Comic, All Animated, Headcanoned Canon)

Raven, DC Comics (Headcanoned Canon, All Animated, All Comics, All Titans)

Robert Dubois/Bloodsport, DC Comics (DCEU Live Action)

Scarecrow/Johnathon Crane, DC Comics(All Live Action, Arkhamverse, Headcanoned Canon)

Starfire/Koriand’r, DC Comics (Titans, All Comics, All Animated, Headcanoned Canon)

Superman/Clark Kent, DC Comics (Cavill’s Live Action, All Animated, All Comics)

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Annie Leonhardt, Shingeki no Kyojin (Marley Resident, Season 1-3, Season 4, Titan Form)

Bertholdt Hoover, Shingeki no Kyojin (Marley Resident, Season 1-3)

Carla Jaeger, Shingeki no Kyojin (Pre Beginning)

Eren Jaeger, Shingeki no Kyojin (Season 1-3, Season 4, Titan Form)

Hanji Zoe, Shingeki no Kyojin (All Seasons and OVA)

Jean Kirchstein, Shingeki no Kyojin (Season 1-3, Season 4)

Levi Ackerman, Shingeki no Kyojin (All Seasons and OVA)

Marco Bodt, Shingeki no Kyojin (Season 1)

Mikasa Ackerman, Shingeki no Kyojin (Season 1-3, Season 4)

Moblit Berner, Shingeki no Kyojin (All Seasons and OVA)

Sasha Braus, Shingeki no Kyojin (Season 1-3, Season 4)

L Lawliet, Death Note (Season 1)

Ryuk, Death Note (Season 1)

Touta Matsuda, Death Note (Season 1)

Raye Penber and Naomi Matsura (Season 1, Pre Beginning, Throuple Headcanon Canoned)

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Connor RK800, Detroit: Become Human (Deviant, Android, Mid and Post Game)

Chloe RT600, Detroit: Become Human (Deviant, Android, Pre, Mid, and Post Game)

Gavin Reed, Detroit: Become Human (Mid and Post Game)

Kara AX400, Detroit: Become Human (Post Game)

Luther TR400, Detroit: Become Human (Pre and Post Game)

Markus RK200, Detroit: Become Human (Pre, Mid, and Post Game)

Nines RK900, Detroit: Become Human (Post Game)

North WR400, Detroit: Become Human (Pre, Mid, and Post Game)

Other Worlds and Fandoms Coming Soon. 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

What You Can Expect From Me:

Fanfiction

Headcanons- While I’d consider all of my fanfiction headcanons, I’m referring to those little bullet point things you’ll see writers do. Here’s my deal on that. I won’t do romantic headcanons for the characters listed above. By that I mean you won’t see anything titled, “How Poe Dameron Would Cuddle”, or anything of that sort. But you probably will see just my own little headcanons for fun. Like, little fun facts. You know, “Superman’s favorite food is ____”, “Nines hates rats”.

However, I will write romantic headcanons for my OC’s. But that’s for later.

Further regarding fanfiction, I typically write angst. Not sure why, it’s just what I started with because I thought the plots were strongest and I wanted to see where I could take it. Like I said, no smut, but you’ll find allusions to it. Fluff? Yeah, it’s there. Hard for me to write fluff without a plot, but it does exist on my page. 

Original Stories

Most people ignore this, but if you see that I’ve posted it won’t always be something regarding your favorite character. I write my own little stories that’s basically just glorified, book length headcanons for a few worlds, but mostly the Star Wars galaxy. Don’t worry, there’s no need to pay attention to it if you don’t want. It’s something I do in my spare time besides x readers and oneshots. 

Spontaneous Posting

What I mean by this, is that unlike a lot of writers, I don’t work on a schedule. There’s no “once a week posting”, or anything like that. What I finish and give the okay to, is posted. If you’ve requested something, I’ll let you know that it’s about to go out. So sometimes a burst of fics may be pumped out in a week, or none will for up to a month.

Going by EST, I typically am most active at night and early morning. Especially in the summer. During fall this may change.

I rarely put out a post that is unrelated to my writings. If it is related to my personal life instead, it will be posted, but not saved. Documented and available, but never pinned or anything. 

FAQ:

Do you write queer pairings?

Yes. My earlier works usually elude to a female reader and it’s blaringly obvious, though it’s shifting into androgyny for ease of reader. I would prefer to have an androgynous reader instead of a set in stone male or female one. 

Am I reading a queer fanfic written by a straight person?

You are not. I am androgynous myself in terms of gender and unlabeled in terms of sexuality. 

Do you write for poc?

This question shocks me, though I’ve gotten it twice. Then I realized- it’s because so many writers forget the point of a reader. The reader may be described as blonde, or white, or thin, or female. You will not find that here. There will be no set in stone appearance for the reader except for mentions of whatever hair you may possess (apologies to those without hair). There will be no talk of ‘light skin’, or ‘curvy figure’. The farthest I’ll go is describing you as pale, if say, you were sick. Because any race or skin tone can go pale, you know? The only thing I’d do- rarely- is give you a real age. But only to further the plot if needed.

 My point is, ‘Y/N’ is not just a pretty white person with long hair. It’s inclusive to anyone. I’ll stand by that. 

Do you write headcanons?

Answered in the above section. Long story short, I’m working on it, but on my terms. 

Do you write song fics?

I haven’t before. Why? They make me cringe. I don’t know why. I’ll write a fic based on a song, or with undertones of a song. But those little paragraphs with the lyrics that aren’t even in time with what you’re reading if you were to read and listen at the same time? I don’t think so. 

Do you know what sex is?

I do. 

Will you have e-sex with me in the direct message chatbox?

I will not. 

Why do you write on tumblr?

I started writing just to share an old word document with over 300 pages worth of an Original Star Wars story. I tried my hand at fanfiction because, while I don’t read it often myself, I know a lot of people do. It helps them escape reality. And, I’m a pretty good writer, I think. At least I can only get better. I’m just one more person trying to put something out for people to enjoy, and maybe even rely on. 

Will you ever write for real people?

If I ever wrote a fanfiction about Christian Bale or like Barack Obama I think I would just disappear. I can’t do it. It’s like warping my own reality. 

How often do you post?

I don’t know. 

Do you have a taglist?

I did! But only for Star Wars. If you want to be tagged in something, let me know. But you have to be specific. Just for a certain character? For a certain fandom? A certain plot? Just og stories? Be clear. 

Dynamics I Enjoy Writing:

Man simps for person who almost wants nothing to do with them. 

Hero simps for villain or villain simps for hero despite the obvious consequences.

Two jokesters destroy some area while left alone together. May get along better than they would admit. 

Two people who are not expected to get along, get along well. 

Hero and villain are best friends but won’t admit it.

Basically if I’m left to my own mind most of my fics will fall under one of these dynamics. Not always- definitely not always. But I kinda like them. 

Numbers:

800-273-8255 USA National Suicide Hotline

1 (300) 22 4636 Australia Suicide and Anxiety Line

1 (833) 456 4566  Canada Suicide Hotline

800-810-1117 China Suicide Hotline

0145394000 France Suicide Hotline

08001810771 Germany Suicide Hotline

8888817666  India Suicide Hotline

810352869090 Japan Suicide Hotline

0078202577577 Russia Suicide Hotline

08457909090 UK Suicide Hotline

4408457909090 Ireland Emergency Hotline

1-800-656-4673 US National Sexual Assault Hotline

741-741 National Panic Hotline (for people who prefer to text)

Anything else? 

Nope. Can’t think of anything. We’ll see if anything changes. Thanks for checking it out. 

Header Credits to: @moonknights​

[nikibogwater]

Niki Blethers about The Mandalorian S2: ep 7

Spoilers below the cut!

*inhale*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DANK FERRIK THIS WAS THE EPISODE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HOLY CRUDMUFFINS

I said last week that the series has been struggling to hold my interest this season. I haven’t been super active in the fandom, and I was just overall a lot less invested in the characters/plot than I was for season 1. I was never quite able to pinpoint exactly why until this episode.

The reason I started losing interest in the show was because the show had started losing interest in Din. For several episodes, the plot was mainly focused around finding the Jedi, learning about the Force, uncovering all these Imperial baddies. The show was always at its most interesting to me when the typical Star Wars stuff took a back seat to Din’s personal story, and this season was not letting that happen as often as I would’ve liked. 

But with “The Believer,” everything is solidly fixed on Din and his personal goal: get his son back. It also takes a good hard look at Din’s Creed and the Way of his tribe, which is a unique and interesting aspect of Star Wars lore that I’ve been slavering to learn more about. 

I’ve seen a lot of people saying they want Din to abandon his religion, take off his helmet and be “free” or whatever, and while I understand that there are definitely religious sects out there that champion very toxic and damaging ideas, Din’s Way never felt either of those things to me. It is centered on personal sacrifice for the protection of your tribe and your honor, but at no point was it ever implied that Din was forced into this, or that he regrets swearing the Creed. He even says that nothing bad happens to you if you break the Creed--you just can’t ever take it up again once you’ve made that choice. “Sanctuary” implied that there are times when he is tempted to leave it behind and live “normally,” but he chooses to resist that urge of his own volition, because he believes in the importance of what he’s doing. 

There has been a lot of helmet-removal foreshadowing in this season, and I was starting to get very concerned about the direction the writers were going in regards to Din’s Creed. I am absolutely 100% completely biased as a religious person myself, so this probably isn’t an objective viewpoint, but I think as long as your beliefs do not require you to intentionally harm other people (either physically or emotionally), it should be socially acceptable for people to believe whatever they choose. To practice any traditions they like, even if they seem weird and restrictive, as long as they are doing it by their own choice. I know this is hard for a lot of people to believe (especially in this country) but many people find a somewhat ironic sense of fulfilment in making personal sacrifices for a higher ideal. And DIn has been shown to take comfort from his Creed and the identity it gives him, and has never expressed anything more than passing wistfulness at the thought of living differently--not bitterness or resentment, simply a “Oh. Yes, that would be nice. But I’m still sticking to my guns here.”

So with all that being said...Holy crap, I love how this episode forced him to break his creed and sacrifice his identity. The show has hammered it into our heads since day one: Din’s most valued part of himself, the thing that he loves enough to die for, is his identity as a Mandalorian and follower of the Way. Din taking off his helmet was not an act of rebellion--it was truly a sacrifice, the greatest sacrifice he could ever make. Din has been shown to be pretty nonchalant about dying, but losing who he is, the code that has shaped him and guided his life--to him, that is so much worse than death. And before Grogu, I don’t think there was anyone or anything that could make him willingly give it up. 

Also MAJOR Kudos to Pedro Pascal for his acting in that whole scene. The guy has already been a god of the recording booth throughout this entire series, but his physical performance during this pivotal moment in Din’s arc was just 👌👌👌 Every swallow, every muscle twitch, every eye movement was clearly very intentional, and even though Din was forced to keep a straight face and pretend this was perfectly normal, the small subtleties of Pascal’s acting clearly communicated that Din was breaking inside. 

ALSO HI, HELLO, WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC OF CHARACTER GROWTH, THREE CHEERS FOR MY BOI MAYFELD

You know, my mother pointed out, the first time she watched “The Prisoner,” that Mayfeld wasn’t quite on the same level of malice as the other antagonists. She picked up that there was a spark of morality somewhere in him. I didn’t think much of it other than “oh cool, different flavors of Evil in the villain squad” but hot DANG they really were teasing his redemption arc from the get-go. 

Also Mayfeld being his snarky, irritating self, spewing about the faulty logistics of a religion he doesn’t actually know anything about, trying to goad Din into showing his face, was such a perfect backdrop to his reaction to Din removing his helmet. Like, just seeing him realize what Din’s creed means to him, seeing this cold-hearted bastard have genuine compassion and jump in to help out his bro--just, tres magnifique.

Din and Mayfeld were obviously the stand-out characters here, everybody else was just kind of there, but that was fine. I like that Din and Cara have a few moments of silent communication, where they just look at each other intently, and nobody goes “Alright, break it up lovebirds.” Yes. Please normalize platonic relationships being just as emotionally intense and full of trust as romantic ones.

I still don’t understand why Boba Fett and Fennec are so dead-set on helping Din, but I’m totally okay if they all come out of this as Found Family. Please give me Din bickering with his sassy assassin sister while Boba yells from the front seat “WILL YOU KIDS SHUT UP, I’M TRYING TO FLY, HERE.” 

Also Fennec and Cara are Sharpshooting Sisters now, and no, you cannot change my mind, they are BFFs and they probably get into bar fights together and talk about guns.

Finally, let’s talk about the final scene (the one that broke me). “You may think you have some idea of what you are in possession of, but you do not. Soon, he will be back with me. He means more to me than you will ever know.” EXCUSE ME FOR JUST A SECOND

*screams in Found Family*

So, everything about Din’s threat message to Gideon is perfect. Not only is he forcefully reversing their roles so that now Din is the hunter and Gideon is the prey, but he alters Gideon’s own words in order to communicate something really important. Din doesn’t say “Soon, he will be mine.” He doesn’t think of Grogu as an asset to be possessed. Grogu is only his in the sense that Din needs to protect and nurture him, but no one owns the child. 

Also AAAAAAAAAH DIN STRAIGHT-UP PUBLICLY ACKNOWLEDGING THAT HE LOVES HIS SON, I AM FREAKING OUT, IT’S EVERYTHING I WANTED

I am pumped for the conclusion to this season now. I don’t think I’ve been this excited for a new episode in...ever. “The Believer” gets a solid 10/10 from Niki, if for no other reason than because it actually made me want to read Mandalorian fics again. Ahhhh I feel my passion for this series returning to me...it is Well and Good.

[ilkkijangege]

123

Chad Chronicles is on hold while we work from home.

I'll keep updating this post if anything does happen to us.

Basically, I was telling Jacqui how J*ck told me I should join Tinder, use it during work to find out of he is there and if we would match. But Jacqui was like "what if you don't see him there but his friends see you??" So I was like "Then good na he's not on it 😂 as if he's ever talked about me to his friends 😂"

Then, nearly an hour later, I looked at my "Friends You May Know" on FB (there's a rumor that that is a list of people who's viewed your profile) then I saw that one of his friends are on it!!! I was shook, if the algorithm theory is right, then his friend was stalking me which means he has talked about me to his friends. LOL AYAN NANAMAN OVERTHINKING BES EH 😂

Then Jacqui told me how she asked her bf: if you offer a lift to a girl, does that mean he's interested? Her bf said yes but I shouldn't overthink and wait for another big sign.

Anyways, my Mandalorian plan is still going ahead. 😂

20/3/2020

Well, we didn't really talk online, he welcomed one of the guy on our team because he just got his access sorted today but I did not get the same treatment yesterday 😭

It's G tho 😂 Seems like he really is super smart because I looked into one of his chats and he used the word "futile". I'm just....wow big word 😂

Lol anyways, we're out for the weekend, Disney+ comes out on Tuesday, will try to binge it as soon I can so I can message him by Thursday or something 😂 really hope our conversation can flow naturally. Like I will just say "oh I've finished it and I am now obsessed with Baby Yoda or I can see why you are obsessed with Baby Yoda, he is adorable!" Then hopefully he can be like "What did you think of it?" Etc etc and we live happily ever after. CHOS.

.

21/03/2020

Swear everyone is telling me to either text him or to keep my feet on the ground and let the connection grow.

I REALLY DO NOT KNOW. He keeps doing all these things to me and I am always overthinking it. My friends have told me not to but it is sooo hard. They told me to wait for other signs.

I really want to take a risk and tell him but I really do not want to ruin our new found friendship. I mean I really hope he's just waiting to make more signs because he doesn't think it's time yet or something but I just don't want to give give give and not have anything in return. Haaaay Lord, please help me!

.

22/03/2020

This morning, I told my mom about the fact that he drove me home. At first, I couldn't tell her immediately, I was just staring at her the whole time and she asked "Anong kailangan mo sakin?" I said "nothing." "Bakit naka tingin ka sakin?" Then finally, I said, "Wala lang, may update lang ako sayo." Then she was like "ano may date ka???" I replied, "No update!!! Hinatid nya ako kila tita nung last time kaming pumasok.." and she was just like "ayie, hinahatid ka na ha." Then she told me, "yan dapat, cool ka lang. Pero tapusin mo muna.." She didn't complete her sentence but I knew she was talking about my FE1s but then she was probably thinking that I am nearly 25 and she should let me be. Hahaha. Then she asks "nag offer ba xa?" Sabi ko oo 😂

Then she asks me if he texts me and I told her no, we only talk in work. Then she replied, "ganun talaga" 😂 hay mother, if she had asked more details, I would have told her how I am getting mixed signals from him kaya di ko tlga sure kung gusto nya din ako 😂 but she didn't, so let's leave that for another time. 😂

Lord, pleaseee I trust you. If he doesn't reach out to me, ako na tlga mag rereach out. Need to binge The Mandalorian asap.

.

23/03

He keeps reading my messages on our GC immediately but does not with other people

ANO BA GUSTO MO PARAMDAM KA NAMAN PLS

Happened again at 16;09 ANO BA HUHU

.

24/03

STOP SEEN ZONING MY MESSAGES AS SOON AS I POST THEM AND START TALKING TO ME

.

25/03

No sign of Chad life anywhere, he was pretty much quiet today, not reading/replying to messages etc

.

26/03

I FINISHED THE MANDALORIAN YOU GUYS.

I took a risk and messaged him. It took me a whileeeeee but I just took the plunge.

Basically, I asked him how he was and how working from home has been coming along. It took him like 6 mins to reply, which was fine, we were in work so understandable.

He told me he is relaxed but about to get boring. He asked me ‘how about you?’ So I sent him this quite long response how I’ve been relaxed working in my jammies and binged watch Mandalorian, bummed about 2 eps so illegally streamed the rest. Told him that I am now also obsessed with Baby Yoda (he laughed react to this). Then he said how it was dumb for Disney not to release everything at once. (Was upset he didnt ask me what I thought of the show)

Then I told him if Netflix can do it, so can they. But he said people would just sign up for trial, watch it then cancel. Thennnn he asked if I liked it. I said yes except for Ch.6′s characters. He said he thinks you were not meant to like them.

Then I asked him if he thinks Fennec Shand is still alive. He was like which one was HE again? So I told him correction she* (laugh emoji) then explained her character. He was like ‘Oh yeaaahhh. Then boba fett was supposedly the one who found her” I replied ‘yup that’s the theory but I feel like she was pretty much lifeless already and maybe just a teaser for boba fett then?'

Then nearly 3 hours later, I go check our workplace chat and he seenzoned me. Okur. He read the message at 20.27. He better reply tomorrow or I’ll take it a sign that he really just isn’t interested in me.

On a side note, he went on lunch at 6pm, came back at around 7ish but didn't change his Status xD it's either he forgot or na distract na sya sakin CHOS sige laaaangg.

I swear I hope we can talk more tho. Since he seenzoned me, I will not message him again cos I don't want to look eager/desperate so yeah. Byeeeeee.

.

30/03

STOP READING MY MESSAGES, dear heart and head, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.

I know you get notifications that "Bianca messaged..." Does your heart flutter when my name appears? STOP OVERTHINKING BIANCA.

Ayan nnmn tayo sa seenzone eh 14:55. Ano ba?

.

1/04/20

I had a dream that he messaged me. He asked me how I was and for some reason, he told me to go to Google Music because they were having a sale and that I should make a track for him. (Like what?)

Also dreamt that he took me home again. When we got to our house, he told me we needed to talk. I think he confessed.

Ay ayoko na.

.

5/4/20

Why do I keep dreaming about him? I dreamt that he messaged me on FB, really long paragraphs of him confessing his feelings.

Urgh.

Oh and I also paid for a tarot reading of how he really sees me. I mean idk if it's real but there are feelings there but there may be a third party but the reader could not 100% confirm it. It is highly probable, he's a single man who could totally date around. The reading also mention how he finds me attractive and sees a long term energy with me. It also says how he may not be ready for a serious romantic relationship but he can see it progressing down the line. But honestly, I do not see him as someone who longs for sex, yknow? I am nearly sure that he could still be a virgin but the fact that he frequented Krystle in college, makes me question it. I mean, he is a white male, it is something I am not super pressed about.

I've just been thinking, if I were to get with a Filipino guy, is there anyone out there who has never had a girlfriend or who has even dated anyone?

Chad really gives me the vibe of never having a girlfriend before but I really see him as not looking for anything at the moment to focus on his dream job.

.

6/4/20

Okay, why did I have a dream that he proposed to me??

I think we argued over something and then a few days later, he proposed. Wtf.

From what I remember, he only proposed in his car. lol

.

8/4/20

So we had a team call today. He has not been working since like Thursday last week because he could not get his VPN to work.

But dang. I heard his voice after 3 weeks. He sounds the same as in real life but his American accent is more prominent 😂

Then our TL said we might still be working from home for the next 3-4 months and I'm just like. HUHUHU.

Will I be over you by then?

.

10/04/20

Had a dream we were back in the office and we were having banters again like nothing has changed.

I think he also messaged me on Facebook one of these isolation days...

I swear I know it was probably unintentional for him to ghost me like that.

.

11/04/20

So I've been searching his Gamer tag on Google, even before I decided to let go of him and there is this one file I keep noticing, it is League of Legends and it seems his password is Yugioh246 😂 it is actually hilarious 😂 I didn't know he is that big of a nerd. I don't see it as a bad thing because I like nerds and I am drawn to them but I hope he is not an incel because that is a major turn off.

Yes, I am not wishing for us to be together anymore but I really hope he finds the woman of his dreams. He deserves to have someone who will understand him for who he is.

.

13/04/20

Another thing, how do I listen to songs without thinking of him?? It is getting frustrating. I used to listen to these songs without thinking of him and now all I do is associate these songs to him. Nakakainis.

.

14/04/20

Why do you keep reading my messages then stop reading others' after mine??

.

18/04/20

Argh why did I dream of him again?

We were back in the office daw and I sat in a different computer because I was avoiding him as in. For some reason, the coat rack was behind him so when it was home time, I grabbed my coat as fast as I could so he would not talk to me. He was slouched in his seat and looked really tired. His hair was long like mid length sufer dude hair, he was not wearing his hat. But then he saw me and called me and said "Bianca, I'll give you a ride home." I replied, gaga naman ate nyo, "If it's not raining, I can walk but if it is, I'll take the bus." He replied, "What time is your bus?" I replied, "In an hour." He replied, "Okay, if it's raining, I'll wait for you here, let me know." Then I grabbed my stuff from my locker, I went out the office and it was raining. I went back into the office and told him that it was raining. So he got up from his seat and we walked to his car. On the way, I noticed he looked really tired and his eyes were red so I asked him, "Did you not sleep?" His reply was: "Yeah I came to work with no sleep." So we just walked to his car and he opened the door for me. He even adjusted my seat.

Then for some weird reason, we ended up in Dolphins Barn, like the flats and around Tesco. Then there were billboards for Book of Mormons and he saw it he said or read "What about the Mormons?" Then I was confused at first so he pointed at the ads for the Book of Mormons. Then I told him: "Oh I really wanna see that! I heard it's meant to be one of the best Broadway shows." He then tells me he is not a big play fan but there is something he likes. I asked him but he saw another Book of Mormons billboard and pointed to it. Then we reached Reilly's Ave and idk why but my whole family and our old neighbors were all outside. Bsta ang weird talaga na he dropped me off in our old house. Dreams are weird.

So I just thanked him and watched him leave.

Aish why did I dream of you again???

.

20/4/20

Had another dream about him. Just why oh why? What are these dreams trying to tell me? I haven't been thinking about him seriously so idk.

Basically in this dream, we were all back in the office. So we got a few newbies who joined our team. And management/TL thought it was a good idea to blend the newbies with the senior agents so there was a complete seat change again. Chad and the guy beside him moved to my old area, as in Chad moved to my old seat. While I was stayed in my current seat. Of course I felt sad that I won't be able to see him face to face as often anymore and that I felt like our friendship will drift apart again.

Basta ano baaa I don't understand this. Do I still have feelings for him deep down?

Oh and he read my message on the group chat again. 10:18am. I mean ok he's been active on the UKI chat today so here's me overthinking again.

.

23/04/20

Another day, another Chad dream.

So in this dream, I was in Tesco with my mom or Aldi, anyways a supermarket.

I wanted to make Tacos so I was at the spice aisle, looking for a taco spice mix. Then out of nowhere, he pops up and sees me. Says hello and asked how I was etc, while I was grabbing the taco spice mix.

Then I told him goodbye but I still kept seeing him everywhere in the store even though I purposely was avoiding him.

WHY DO I KEEP DREAMING OF HIM.

It is honestly annoying. 😭

I just wanna move on.

.

27/04/20

Been a while since my last dream but I dreamt that he drove me home, yet again, but I only remember the part where we entered Cherrywood and then I just got out of the car and don't even remember saying thanks. I stood at the front door, until he left.

.

28/04/20

Arghhh he read my messages again on the office chat almost instantly at 2.37pm 😩😩😩😩 Whereas our own team's chat has been active all day, yet he has not read the messages on there since yesterday morning!!

Were you expecting that I messaged you or something??? CMON IF YOU WANNA TALK TO ME JUST MESSAGE ME. I already messaged you first, it's your turn.

Ugh I hate overthinking this!!

Also, 26th of April marked the 1st month since we last talked. Hmmmm have I fully moved on? I really don't think I have but I am just trying to live my life. Why must you be an introvert Chad, we'll be waiting for each other forever.

.

6/05/20

Hmmmm... Beginning to think he actually has 3 siblings contrary to the fact that I thought he said there are 3 of them in the family, him being the eldest, followed by his sister then his younger brother.

If it is his brother that I saw on FB then it makes sense now because remember when he gave out chocolates for Christmas? I heard him say "my brother's work had them on sale" or something along the lines. And the other brother I was aware of was only a kid. This person I saw matches the bill, from Chicago and went to the same secondary school as him. (AND LOOKS LIKE HIM!!! We may be the same age or a year younger because he graduated secondary school in 2014) [yup he is older than me by 6 months and just like his older brother, he is also very much into Star Wars and video games. But he seems more social than his bro. Haha xa na lang date ko 😂 Chad 2.0 chosss Chad introduce me to your bro para di tayo awkward sa work 😂 They are actually only 10 months apart, I wonder if they are close.]

Hmmmmm why am I such a stalker 😂

(7.6 update: nah saw his bro's IG and he seems like a fckboi, his DP is a mirror selfie of him shirtless, showing off his v line abs 😂)

.

13/05/20

It's been a while. As of yesterday, he is fully back to work. We had a team meeting on Monday and he was on it. He said they gave him a laptop to work on. I had myself on mute so I was just listening to him. Yes I wanted to join in on the convo but I needed to stop myself. I need to distance myself until I fully move on from him.

Anyways, today, a case was assigned to me at around 8.30 in the morning. I didn't action it because the office was going mad with chats so I said I was gonna action it when I had a chance later on.

Then I noticed that it disappeared from my queue. I went to my closed cases and I saw that he had actioned it. I mean, I am not saying that he did it on his own free will, our TL may have asked him to go through our team's response received internal queue. Which is aight but this case was not originally mine, but one of his office broskis, na mean? So it's either he did not read the email thread at all or he just decided to close it in MY name. I mean he had to type my name and I wonder if he felt something. CHOSSSSSS 😂

But I'm telling you guys, ever since he got access again, my heart started fluttering again just like when I was still crushing on him, before I moved in front of him and he started giving me all these attention that made me fall in love with him.

I have been trying to move on. I even wrote a 7 page journal entry about my feelings. I've been super distracting myself by watching Kim Possible and staying away from sappy romantic shows 😂

I need more time to heal but it will be okay!

Update 14/5:

I got another case from the same broski, which he actioned yesterday and closed it under his broski's name but he closed the other one on mine.

Ugh why am I overthinking this again!!!

Chad please go away from my feelings 😩

15/5

Today, I helped him out with one of his cases.

He said 'thanks!' whereas the past few days, he's only been replying to people on our team with 'ty!'.

Made me overthink again but I was just being ridiculous 😂 'ty' tapos today sakin 'thanks', special ako chos 😂 honestly wasn't that bothered but okay! Stop giving me special treatment please 😂 don't treat me differently from others if you don't feel the same way because it's unhealthy for me 😂

Helped him again with another one and he said 'thanks!' again urgh. Swear tho, I was hesitating a bit when I was helping him. My heart was thumping again like it did before we started getting comfortable with each other 😭😭😭

.

17/5/20

Exactly 2 months since I saw him and when he dropped me home.

Oh Chad. Will I ever be over you.

.

18/5/20

Helped him with another case because no one was helping him so I was just being nice.

Bianca don't be marupok pls. You've been making progress. Don't relapse now.

.

20/5/20

Another day of helping him out....

Basically he asked our group chat for help, no one replied for like 5 minutes so I said I'll help him.

Then he private messaged me about the case. He told me there were a lot and said "ahah". I should have joked around but I didn't or even asked him how he was 😭

But after I helped him, this was his reply:

Huhuhu parang ang happy nya na may tumulong sa kanya. Chad naman, don't do this to me! I am trying to move on 😭

.

21/05/20

Haaaayy... Reading my messages again as soon as I post them. Chad Chad Chad ....

.

26/05/20

He legit have not read messages on our office GC since 10.30 this morning. I messaged a few times around 3pm and he kept reading them. Ano ba kasi Chad.

Don't be scared of rejection, I know I may not be showing real signs but I am an awkward turtle, just talk to me.

.

27/05/20

As usual no one was helping him again so I private messaged him and asked if anyone was helping yet.

His response:

Hahaha cute 😂 so I told him 'give me the deets, I'll send it up'.

He said 'ty!!', gave me the deets.

Then when I completed it, this was his reply:

Hahaha naloka na xa, double a. Choss. I replied with "anytime 😊" 😂 para konti landi to let him know na I am here to help anytime HAHAHAHAHAHAHA chos

BAKIT HIRAP MAG MOVE ON MGA BESH

.

5/6/20

So I've been hesitating about posting this but about 2 days ago? I had a dream about him again. It wasn't just him in it but the dream mostly centered about him and I.

Basically, we there was a party in the office and for some reason, I was getting ready at my desk as in curling my hair (so weird 😂😂😂).

Then Chad decided to go out of the computer area, probs was on a break or something. Then my team decided it was a good idea to hide his baby yoda plushie so I hid it in my locker and when he came back, he kept looking for it and we were just laughing at him. 😂

That was it haha.

But you guys, I've been diligently praying for my vocation and I've been getting signs about marriage etc. What if he's the one? God, please give me more signs.

.

15/06/20

So it's been a while. I've been helping him here and there over the last few weeks.

Today's response was "awesome, thanks!"

And that made me kilig inside. 😂

I am awesome, chos! 😂

.

16/06/20

Just saw the July Schedule and he is taking 2 weeks holidays 😂

Lol fam watchu gonna do? 😂

Tara let's go on a date chos 😂

.

24/06/20

I miss him ☹️ But I've been good with not thinking about him a lot but I just really can't wait to be able to ask him out in person hahaayyyy

Hmmmm I also suddenly wondered if he still has the card I gave him for Christmas. That was a cute card, €4 din un ha hahaha

.

3/07/20

Yo wassup.

I had a dream, so we were back in the office. We were on the weekend shift and for some reason, I decided I was staying back for a bit more so he left before me.

Basically, from this dream, it seems that we were on minimal speaking terms. So like as he was leaving, at the computer area door, he said bye to me and idk why, I asked him to have dessert with me on Monday 😂 it was weird 😂

.

12/07/20

Okur, I had a dream that he dropped me off again in Cherrywood, like just out of nowhere. Like all I remember was that we were walking to his car together.

He even opened my door and carried my bag and walked me to the front door. Haaayyy....

.

14/07/20

So today, I was overthinking again.

Basically there was a post in work where an SME asked him to tag his team. He tagged me first over his broskis and that made me quite overthink again. Like the way he tagged our team was not as if it was alphabetical order. So why did he tag me first?

Hahah ako ung unang pumasok sa isip nya

Huhuhu ayoko naaaaa

.

19/07/2020

So he is on his 2 weeks PTO from tomorrow.

Haaaaayyyyy miss ko na xa, bakit ba kasi ako ganito. Pero as long as he has not said that he is not interested in me, may chance pa rin tlga kami eh.

Wag lang tlaga xang umalis ng company and it will be grand.

.

08/08/20

Been a while since this was updated, nothing's been happening between us so there is nothing to report. But anyways, lately I've been having (r-rated) fantasies about him 😂 argh I just want to be with him 😂

He's also started playing Fall Guys on the PS4, we have something in common na chos 😂

Also, there's an SME position in work and I have a feeling he might apply huhu if he gets it, he'll be level 12 and I won't be able to date him 😭😂

Honestly still think may something sila ng QA namin huhuhu

.

16/08/20

So I told MF on the 14th of August about everything that has happened, like how I was getting mixed signals that made me overthink alot to me messaging him twice and being left on read, also how I plan on asking him out when we get to the office. (Also how he dropped me home.)

I told her how it's been very hard for me in the last 5 months, trying to move on from someone I don't even talk to. She was very understanding and told me that she also has not talked to Chad since WFH, as she was also left on read. She said he may not be the texty type because he's quite shy.

I was honestly shook. I thought they talk, even on our workplace chat because they are close in work. Cause I asked her if it was even a good idea for me to ask him out or if she knows if he's seeing someone because I don't want to intrude. I told her I want to take a risk with him but a part of me fears rejection.

She asked me if I ever thought about asking him out for coffee since things are opening up. I told her, yes but I don't think we are in that level where I could just ask him randomly.

So her plan is to build up a rapport with him again and find out the goss. I really hope she can build something up with him and that if ever, this time, there will be progress.

Until I know I have a chance with him, I can't move on. If he's seeing someone, then okay at least I'll know where I stand.

I'll let you know if there's progress.

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19/08/2020

So today, I helped him out with a case.

One of the internal tools was not working for him so he asked for help. I was the first to reply so I told him to send me the details and I'll do it.

When I did it for him, he said 'Perfect thank you!' and I just replied, "No worries 😊" landi landi with that emoji 😂 Wish we kinda had a conversation going though 😭 Wish I asked him how he was but it wasn't appropriate okay 😂

Haaayy can't wait to find out if he's dating anyone or when I'll see him again so I can ask him out. HAAAAAYYYYSSSS.

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9/9/20

So yesterday, I asked our group chat for help on a case. I didn't really expect that he would be the one to respond but he did and that was cute. Awww. ❤️

Looool I wish I could've thanked him personally but other people started helping me out so yeah. But for a brief moment, I was kilig haha

Really wanna ask him out already! But cases are rising again and I don't want him to use Covid as an excuse so I'll wait again until cases have slowed down.

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13/09/20

So today, I had a video call with MF. She told me that she got a new job 😭 meaning, she won't be able to be my wingwoman now 😭

I am happy for her but this cuts down all my chances with Chad 😭

But she did talk to Chad and he applied to the SME role apparently, I think he may have already been interviewed but he didn't hear back from them yet.

MF also said that we should meet up for a coffee date "with Bianca" and he said we should hahaha cmon MF make this a reality please so I can talk to him 😭