#i was just resting after class and got a song ive never heard before stuck in my head like perfectly clearly

[ricecaqes]

does anyone else ever wake up from a nap or beautiful sleep and get like. a fully fledged song idea implanted in their mind

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Grunge-Metal Geralt

Hi, im fucking trash for the idea of Geralt being the front man for a Five Finger Death Punch type band and my brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it. This music genre is my bread and butter and I think Geralt’s repressed but highly emotional ass would fit right in. Yes im using another Hozier song, no i dont wanna hear anything about it. I’m a basic bitch and ive made my peace with it

Warnings: i honestly have no idea, its a little horny, little emotional, but theres no actual character interaction?, its at a concert venue? idk yall.

_________________________

Jaskier was… out of his comfort zone.

It’s not that he didn’t like the grunge-metal music, he just hadn’t listened to much and he was not used to the energy. People were yelling and screaming and the opener hadn’t even come on yet. He didn’t feel unsafe, far from it. Several people had checked to see if he was okay, seeing as he was the only person in the entire arena wearing a sweater that wasn't ripped or faded to hell. It was just a far cry from the shows he was used to. 

He played folky-blues. This was nothing like his shows. 

When the lights went down the crowd was deafening, all moving as one to rush the front of the floor, not giving a single fuck about tickets. 

The openers were exciting, and Jaskier was surprised by some of the concepts and messages behind the music. It wasn’t what he’d expected at all and he found himself searching them up on Spotify to listen later. 

Then came The Witchers. 

Eskel and Lambert made their energetic entrance, followed by Aiden calmly walking to his drums and sitting as if he were walking into a college class. But Geralt was nowhere in sight. The one person Jaskier had actually come to see. 

He’d seen a video clip from a previous concert where they covered one of his songs, and he was praying they’d do it again. It was lovely in a haunting-almost-threatening way, and the expression in Geralt’s posture alone was enthralling. He had to see it live. 

But Geralt was still absent as the band started to build a song. First Aiden with the beat, then Eskel’s bass, then Lambert with a melody on his electric guitar. It built and built and built to a fever pitch, taking the crowd with it. People were already jumping and screeching. Jaskier had to stand on his seat to see the stage clearly. 

Geralt’s voice echoed through the venue, low and closer to a growl than singing, but he was still nowhere to be seen.

Jaskier thought he’d been prepared, but his whole body was covered in goosebumps. He briefly wondered if this was what his friends were feeling when they listened to ASMR.

Geralt remained hidden for the whole first verse, getting the crowd even more excited than Jaskier thought possible, only for the band to go completely silent for a whole measure. When the crowd's screams reached their absolute loudest, Geralt dropped from on top of one of the jumbotrons, landing on one of the horse-sized speakers before launching into the chorus. 

Oh fuck, he was even more beautiful in person. 

He was… well he was a beast of a man. Jaskier really didn’t have another word for the way his muscles bulged and how lithe and powerful he looked springing from the speaker to join his bandmates on the main stage. His thighs filled out his black, tattered jeans and there were clear faded spots where his muscles strained the fabric too often. The thin black tank he wore did nothing but pretend the man was semi-modest. It was so tight, the only thing left up to the imagination was tan lines and the color of his nipple piercings. 

Jaskier was most entranced by his long, white, wavy hair falling past his shoulders. As the show continued and he started to sweat, a lot, it got curlier and curlier at the root. Jaskier wanted to give him a mask and some curl cream, but only after a, uhm, rough night of getting to know each other. He’d heard rumors about Geralt from hitting arenas not long after they’d left. He was quite sure they’d have a great time.

As he focused on the lyrics more and more, he was more inclined to want to wrap Geralt up in a hug and worship every part of him until he felt whole again. 

Either he’d been shown the shitty side of the genre, or The Witchers were exceptions to the rule of content. Jaskier was almost moved to tears a few different times.

Finally, about an hour into Jaskier mindlessly feasting his eyes on the front man, Geralt leapt onto another speaker and sat down, breathing hard and grinning from ear to ear. 

“You still with us?”

The unholy screech from the crowd left no doubt they were just as excited, if not more so, than when they’d arrived. 

“Good! Good..” he trailed off, chuckling as he lowered the mic to take a breath, “We’re gonna slow it down for a minute,” he leaned forward and held the mic away as Eskel shouted something up at him to which he laughed and flipped him off. 

“As I was saying, we’re gonna yearn for a minute or two and do a cover. Song by Jaskier called ‘Talk’.”

The crowd lost their shit again, various pride flags popping up throughout the stands. 

Geralt chuckled and raised his combat boot, showing off the bi flag colored treads, earning another round of screams. If this is what the grunge-metal scene was like, Jaskier had been missing out his entire life. Sure his fans were sweet and supportive and loving when he’d come out. But this was electric and feral and completely addictive.

Lambert struck the opening chord to Jaskier’s song and the crowd settled to a gentle hum, setting the tone immediately, as if they all knew exactly what was coming. 

Geralt closed his eyes as he tapped his thigh with one finger, keeping time before his rumbling baritone hit Jaskier like a freight train. 

“I’d be the voice that urged Orpheus when her body was found…”

Jaskier could have collapsed right there. He knew he was staring like a lovesick idiot, but hell, everyone around him was too. When the chorus hit and Eskel came in with a heavy bass line he nearly fell off his chair. Geralt’s intensity raised with the addition of the backup but he didn’t move. He stayed seated, swaying slightly, with his eyes closed as he crooned out the words Jaskier had sobbed as he wrote, broken hearted and miserable. 

It was surreal. 

Sure he’d seen other covers. Sure they’d been lovely. But he wanted to listen to this and only this as he fell asleep for the rest of his life. He’d never play it again if he could only hear it one more time. 

After the last verse Lambert launched into a guitar solo while Geralt jumped off the speaker and meandered to the center of the stage to slot his mic back in it’s stand. He gripped it like a lifeline when Lambert held one last note for as long as his instrument would allow and only started singing the last chorus when it was almost silent. 

“I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things I would do

So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you

I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things we could do

So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you”

His expression looked hopeless and utterly desperate as he crooned out the last two lines. He let his hair fall to cover his face and Jaskier could just barely hear his panting breath over the sound system as the crowd exploded. Geralt tipped his head back and took two deep breaths before straightening up and getting on with the show but Jaskier was stuck. 

He was vaguely aware of someone taking a picture of him, but he really couldn’t care less. The fact that Geralt moved right on to a song called ‘Burn Motherfucker Burn’ didn’t matter either. 

Jaskier jumped down from his arena seat, whipping out his phone and sending the band a tweet, because apparently that’s what musicians did now?

“Record it. Please. It’s either that or sing me to sleep every night. You choose.”

He stayed for the rest of the show and walked to his car in a haze. Before he backed out of his spot he checked his phone like always and his heart nearly stopped at the two top notifications. 

One public reply: “Both? -G”

And one direct message: “If you’re still here and want to grab a drink, I’m just backstage.” 

[lucky-peoqle]

unwanted guests | d.m.

pairings: draco malfoy x hufflepuff!reader, somewhat platonic!weasley twins (fred is pretty flirty😁)x hufflepuff!reader, platonic!cedric diggory x reader, and platonic!zacharias smith x reader.

summary: y/n the hufflepuff american student promised her housemates, cedric and zacharias, that she would watch them practice for their next match, she was accompanied by the infamous gryffindors, the weasley twins. as watching her house, she starts hearing whooping and hollering, she soon gets annoyed with the group of slytherins and confronts them.

warnings: some swearing, blood, pansy bodyshames reader

a/n: hello, ive bee super busy with school !! im currently obsessed with hp again :) hope u all enjoy this,, its a bit longer than usual. this is set during goblet of fire !! :) very unedited and kinda rushed :/ sorry

the temperature was pretty cold on this particular fall day, as the y/h/c hufflepuff sat outside, writing in a journal she kept, looking up to answer her housemate and one of her best friend, cedric diggory's questions.

"so, will you come? zacharias thought it would be a good idea," he said, motioning to the blonde hufflepuff boy who was watching from afar.

"hm? oh, uh, sure! if it makes you two happy," she looked up from her journal, smiling at the brunette, then the blonde.

"great! i'll tell him when we get to lunch."

and with that, the bell rang, making the other people outside with you get up and head inside to the great hall.

the two of you got up, and started making your way to the great hall, colored robes passing you by. "did you ever open up the golden dragon egg?" you said, looking up at him.

"yeah! that reminds me, i have to tell harry about that. thanks," he smiled.

you smiled back, "potter? you're telling him how to open it?"

"why not, y'know. it's the least i could do," he shrugged.

"that's so sweet! i'm glad you two are getting along."

by now you were in the great hall, walking past the gryffindor table to your table, making eye contact with the golden trio and weasley twins as you passed by with your best friend.

you were in the same year as the golden trio, meeting them the first day on the train, them finding you american accent amusing, but they got use to it pretty fast. then they introduced you to ron's twin brothers, fred and george, they were drawn to you instantly, poking fun of your accent from time to time.

last but not least, you met cedric. you met cedric in the common room your second day of hogwarts. you had drifted to sleep, one of you housemates cats curled on your lap, and cedric had woken you, helping you back to bed. ever since then you had been best friends ever since.

you took your sear next to cedric, zacharias smith, another close friend of yours, sat across from the two of you.

"zach! good news, y/n is coming to watch us practice tomorrow," the brunette smiled brightly.

"great! i can't wait to show off to you, maybe it'll make you fall for me instead of that weasley twin," he said jokingly.

"who? fred?" she chuckled, "zach, you're kidding right? freddies just a friend. sure we flirt, but that's what friends do, right?"

"you have a weird interpretation of friendship y/n/n," zach stifled a laugh.

you rolled your eyes, turning your head towards cedric, who was looking at the ravenclaw table, that was standing next to your table. you followed his eyesight that was met with cho chang.

"ced is making googly eyes at his girlfriend again," you laugh, making him turn his attention to you.

"so what? don't act like i didn't see you smiling at fred weasley."

"i smiled at all of them! fred and i don't have feelings for each other," she huffed.

"suree," zacharias said in a sing song voice.

you shook your head, poking your food around your plate, looking across the ravenclaw table to the slytherin table. you saw draco malfoy joking with his friends, his cold grey eyes drifting to meet your warm y/e/c ones. his eyes grew colder once they finally met yours. you softly smiled at him and his eyes grew softer, and he quickly turned his attention back to his group of friends.

'huh, weird,' you thought, turning your attention back to cedric and zacharias.

the day quickly passed, ending like it always does. going into the hufflepuff common room, it being filled with muggle and non-muggle type plants, the warm fireplace going. you made your way up to your dorm you shared with hannah abbott. changing out of your robs and falling asleep quickly.

you woke up, the warm fall sun peeking through the window of your dorm. you looked over at hannah, who had been awake but reading, it was still a bit early so breakfast wouldn't be ready yet. it was saturday after all, so no need to worry about classes.

"morning," you mumbled tiredly to hannah.

"good morning!" she put her book down, "i came back late last night from study with ernie and you were out like a light!"

"yeah, last night was kinda of tiring," you chuckled, sitting up, "why are you up so early anyway?"

"i thought we could go down to the great hall together, we've been so busy and rarely get to talk, why not catch up on our way down there yeah?"

"sure! that sounds lovely," you smile, getting up from your bed.

the two of you got ready for the day, putting on your hufflepuff robes, and made your way down to the common room. only a few people were sat in the common room, a few waving and bidding you good morning as you passed by.

you two walked out of the common room and head up to the great hall. "so how have you been?" hannah asked beside you.

"i've been well! busy with getting cedric through the tournament, y'know..."

"yeah, that must be though."

"it isn't actually! im extremely proud of him, i know he'll win this."

"i really hope he does! finally a hufflepuff getting the recognition they deserve," hannah smiled.

"newt scamander is pretty cool," you smiled, "i take great pride in being as the same house as him."

hannah shrugged, "yeah, very interesting man, he is. isn't loony lovegood related to him?"

"don't call her that, she's very nice. but, i believe so, in some way."

by now, you're in the great hall, making your to your table. you continue to chat till hannah departs from you to sit with susan bones and leanne, who were chatting amongst themselves.

you quickly find cedric, who was chatting with justin finch-fletchley. you sat next to him and started putting food on your plate. he heard you and turned your attention on you.

"good morning y/n/n," he smiled brightly.

"good morning ced, how're you?"

"great! excited for practice today."

you two chatted for the rest of breakfast, by the end of it, you were stuffed. you looked at the slytherin table, remembering the look draco malfoy gave you. you spotted him, he was talking to crabbe, goyle, and pansy, laughing, smiling, he looked happy.

draco turned his head to answer someone's question, while doing so, he caught you staring. you blushed brightly, hesitating before giving you a smile. he returned the gesture with one of his iconic smug smirks.

you looked away, turning your attention to cedric, "practice starts soon, i should get ready. see you out there?"

you nodded with a smile, and he smiled back, getting up and leaving the great hall.

you got up after a bit of thinking, and made your way to your common room to grab your journal and scarf, since it would be chilly out.

once you did so, you made your way back up the stairs, going through corridor to corridor.

you were walking in peaceful silence, until you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist, and lift you up, spinning you around.

you let out a laugh as the two head headed boys laughed loudly, "fred weasley! put me down!"

"what's the magic word?"

"please!"

"no, but close enough," he said, dropping you, making you land on your butt.

"ouch! fred! george! what were you thinking?"

"we weren't! so what are you up to?" george chuckled.

"i'm going to watch cedric and zacharias practice," you smile, "wanna come? i wouldn't mind the company."

"sure!" the boys said together.

you're little group of three walked to the quidditch posts, your yellow and black scarf clashing with their red and yellow ones. fred had thrown an arm around you shoulder.

you sat down in the middle of the twins, fred's arm sitting around you. you were right, it was chilly, but it was nice. this was your favorite time of year.

you watched as cedric and zacharias flew around, catching the ball or passing it to another teammate. zacharias caught sight of you, and winked, motioning to the arm around your shoulder. you just stuck your tounge out in response.

the time you spent was fun, until a certain group of slytherins decided to crash the practice. you rolled your eyes as the began to yell and laugh at them, distracting the players.

"ignore them," george said, "they have no brains, nor can they play fair."

you chuckled at that, "you're right on that one."

the four slytherins were still yelling, it was very annoying. fred and george reassuring you to leave them alone and they'll get bored and leave soon.

you kept your temper, watching your house practice. it was going fine, until draco yelled something towards cedric that made your best friend look at him, the ball hitting him right in the face, knocking cedric off his broom.

you gasp as you got up quickly, looking over the railing, watching cedric get up from his spot on the ground, wiping his now bloodied nose.

you turn to malfoy, who was staring in disbelief, but always laughing. pansy parkinson was shrieking out laughter, it hurt your ears. you walk up to the four, george and fred calling out to you to stop.

"hey!"

the four turned towards you, laughing still.

"what do you want, l/n?" draco asked.

"you ass! cedric could have gotten hurt! he's never done anything to you! you distracted him on purpose so that you wouldn't have to face loosing to him in our next quidditch match against slytherin!"

"and so what? it's not like you can stop us from coming up here during their practice," pansy laughed. "you're just a pathetic little hufflepuff, well i wouldn't say little... your robes make you look fat."

you took a step back, you had always been insecure about your weight and body image. you began to tear up. george and fred too far away to hear what was going on. you opened your mouth to defend yourself, but nothing came out except a small squeak.

pansy, crabbe, and goyle all let out shrieks of laughter. you couldn't let them see you cry, so you ran. you heard shouting behind you. draco yelling something, and the twins shouting after you, following you.

you had lost them though, finding yourself in moaning myrtles bathroom. you said down the wall, letting out sob after sob. you sat there crying for a while, until you heard someone come in.

"leave me alone, you're unwanted here." you choke out, looking away from them.

"sorry about what pansy said back there, i told her since the start of third year, you were off limits."

you turn around, seeing the platinum blonde slytherin. "off limits?"

"from us bullying you, she's been jealous of you since."

"jealous? of me? what are you talking about?"

draco took a seat next to you, "i've fancied you for a while, just never had the courage to tell you. i thought you liked one of the weasley twins honestly."

you shook you head, "or were you just too ashamed to tell me since im a pathetic hufflepuff?" you sniffed.

"what? no, no! that's not it, i was just scared. I didn't want to be rejected, i guess."

"the thing back there with cedric, you're an ass for that."

"i know, i didn't mean for him to get knocked off his broom, i deserved to get yelled at."

you sat in comfortable silence for a while, not knowing what to say. pansy's words making their way back into your thoughts.

"pansy was right."

draco laughed, "about?"

"me being fat, my robes look horrible on me."

"don't say that! y/n, you're on of the most beautiful people i've ever seen walk this earth," draco said looking over at you.

"why the sudden urge to tell me about your feelings?"

"because it felt right... like yesterday and this morning, you smiled at me and it felt like it was time," he sighed.

you smiled over at him, and grabbed his hand. he intertwined your fingers and smiled back. he began to lean in, until his lips met yours, fireworks going off. you pulled away, your face bright read.

"who would of thought, me, draco malfoy, slytherin prince, dating a hufflepuff..."

"the world works in crazy ways," you smile, "i'm glad you came looking for me."

"so am i, y/n, so am i."

end.

[whosaskingwrites]

The Sound Of Love (Tsukishima x Reader)

A/N: Um I don't like this one as much as the others but I did my best. It honestly took forever cause I didn't want to write it and I had no idea what song to use but I eventually decided so here we are.

WARNINGS: angst

Date: Saturday November 7th, 2020

Details: 5.3 pages 2,000 words

Theme: Musicalia- The victim will hear a song constantly playing in their head until it drives them insane. The person of affection will only hear the music when they are around the victim.

Angst Masterlist

Clair De Lune

A simple, beautiful piano melody that had been repeating in my head for weeks. There was never a reprieve from the beautifully haunting melody. My mind followed the sound like a moth to a flame and deteriorated the closer it got to the music.

No amount of holding my hands over my ears stopped it. It had become a part of me like the backround music in a video game or movie. However this wasn't a video game or a movie this was real. Every day was the same never a rest I couldn't even sleep some nights.

This was my last week at Karasuno before I was put in the hospital. My mind was too far gone to stay out I couldn't really hear anything anymore to distracted by the music and of course I hummed it on occasion. Everyone in my classes knew I had it...Musicalia but they didn't know who caused it.

Monday

I walked to class with a sigh Yamaguchi was following and as we walked I heard a gentle piano melody that got louder. I spotted a familiar H/c haired girl fast walking past me like she'd done since I pushed her away. Yamaguchi followed my eyesight and the music faded the further away she got "you should apologize you know. This week is her last at Karasuno," I blinked 'her last week?' I thought "Shut up Yamaguchi," I said keeping my emotions off my face "Sorry Tsukki," I continued watching the S/c skinned female rush off down the hall.

Tuesday

I was walking up to the roof ready to reject another girl. Why they felt the need to confess to me of all people id never understand. As I rounded the corner someone ran into me and with a short shriek they fell. I was about to say something when I noticed who it was...Y/n she looked paler than I remembered and eye bags were prevalent on her face. I heard the piano again it was louder than ever.

"Do you need to listen to music that loud?" I asked though it was harsher than intended. Her eyes widened and I held back a frown as I saw she was afraid. "S-sorry," she stood up quickly and ran off down the hall the music fading the further she got and I watched 'why was she afraid of me?' My eyes caught something on the floor which I turned to. Picking it up I realized it was a simple gold bracelet with a dinosaur charm on it.

"This is...," It was the bracelet id given her three years ago on her birthday. It was still in perfect condition looking like it did on the day I'd given it to her and it caused a small smile to pull at my lips as I pocketed the familiar bracelet.

Wednesday

Everytime I spotted the e/c eyed female in the hallway and approached her she would turn and run the music following her. Nobody ever seemed bothered by the piano it was almost like they didn't hear it and Y/n was never wearing headphones when it was playing. "Does she ever stop listening to that song?" I mumbled to myself as she ran away yet again.

"What song?" Yamaguchi asked next to me I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at him. "What do you mean what song? That damn piano music she's always listening to it's annoying," I said and Yamaguchi’s eyes widened "Tsukki...She's not listening to any music...," He stated.

I blinked as I processed what that meant "No ive heard it-," Yamaguchi cut me off before I could continue he had a sad look in his eyes and as he spoke I realized why. "She's got Musicalia Tsukki...," He whispered as he looked at me. "She...She what?" I asked. "She's got Musicalia and if you can hear it that means...," my own eyes widened as I realized what he was implying. "Oh...,"

Thursday

Cornering someone who was avoiding you was much more difficult than you'd think. Everytime I ended up even in the same room as her she ran before I could even get near her. "Yamaguchi," I stated causing him to jump. "Yeah?" He nervously asked. "Can you convince Y/n to meet you on the roof?" I asked. He didn't ask any questions he just nodded mumbling a quiet yeah as the teacher walked in the room.

I stood on the roof looking out towards the gym. I heard footsteps come around the corner and stop before they slowly started backing away. "Can you stop running? I need to talk to you," I said. The footsteps stopped and I turned around. Y/n stood a few feet away nervously shuffling on her feet.

"When were you gonna tell me?" I asked and she sighed "Preferably never," She answered and I furrowed my eyebrows. "Never? This could kill you!" I took a step toward her while she took one back "So what?" She spit bitterly rasing her head up to glare. "So what? So everything!" I shouted.

"So everything? You dont even fucking like me! You made that pretty clear last year!" She yelled back. She was referencing an argument that I barely remembered and that she hadn't forgotten. "Do you even know what its like to have your heart crushed in seconds!?" She screamed. "You still should have told me you have Musicalia!" I glared back. 

She just gave me a bitter smile "I suppose my dear this was how it was meant to be," she stretched her arms out as she spoke and tears dripped down her face at a slow pace. "You dying isn't how it's supposed to be!" She only shook her head in response. I stuck my hand in my pocket and pulled out the bracelet. "Here...just take this back," I said holding it out. She walked forward and I heard that gentle and haunting music get louder.

She stopped closing my hand around the bracelet and leaning up to press a kiss against my cheek. "Keep it I won't have a use for it much longer," she mumbled before turning and walking off. "Y/n!" She stopped but didn't turn around and I continued speaking. "I love you," she sighed and turned her head. The sunset cast her in an ethereal glow and sparkled off the remaining tears on her face.

She gave a sad, watery smile in response. "No you don't Tsukki. If you did...You would have come back to me a lot sooner," she turned and left I knew she was right but god it hurt to hear her say that. My hand was still tightly closed around the bracelet the metal uncomfortably warm against my skin as she walked away from me.

Friday

She avoided me even more. I never saw her but I heard the music following around on occasion. After yesterday I had looked for the melody finally hearing it long enough to search for it. The results had told me the song was Clair De Lune I should have known. It was Y/n's favorite song though I doubted she liked it now.

I had tried to find her when I heard the music but even if I followed it I never found her. I was walking toward my locker keeping an ear out for that melody. As I opened the locker a f/c envelope fell out as I picked it up I noticed it was sealed with a gold wax stamp. Flipping it over my name was written on the front in flowing cursive. I put it away in my bag before heading to practice.

I flipped the envelope around in my hand staring at it before sighing. I pulled open the envelope and slipped the contents out. The first was a photo of me, Y/n, and Yamaguchi we were standing in the park in the photo. Y/n and Yamaguchi had their arms over eachothers shoulders while I stood in the background glaring towards the camera.

The other thing was a letter that I was hesitant to flip open. I knew the letter was from Y/n but I for the first time felt afraid on what she had to say. Sighing I opened the letter ready to read it.

Dear Kei,

It's been awhile hasn't it? Though That's what happens after fights. You give each other time to calm down and then you come back. Only this time...There is no coming back. You already know I have Musicalia and I'm sure you know I love you. It's weird to write that to someone you know doesn't love you.

Don't lie either. You don't love me the way I love you. You may think you do but if you had we would have been friends again by now. But you were perfectly content with not having me in your life so I know you'll be fine when I'm actually gone.

That's the issue isn't it? I'll be gone soon really, truly...gone. I'm not afraid knowing my death is approaching im...content and at peace with it. My death won't be glorious. I'm not going out with a bang. Or any final inspirational words. I'll go quietly in my sleep hopefully. Sleep however is hard when there's music constantly playing on loop in your head.

When I'm gone Kei...Will you visit me? Tell me about your day or the volleyball team! Yamaguchi told me about the team you should go easier on them. You should also learn from them you know? Anyways if you ever can't make it to me...Play Clair De Lune and I'll go to you! I'll listen to you talk at your place instead of you coming to mine!

I'm sure you know by now that this is my goodbye letter. Don't act so suprised of course I want to say goodbye to you. You're important to me you should know that. I've written this for awhile but I wanted it to be a good final goodbye since its immortalized forever in a letter. If you share this with anyone I'll kill you by the way. Even in death I still have a reputation. Anyway...

Goodbye Kei

I love you

—Y/n L/n

A month had passed since she said goodbye I moved forward even though it hurt to not see her around school. It almost felt like she moved but that imagine was ruined whenever I visited her grave. "Hey Tsukki I didn't know you liked dinosaurs!" I sighed in irritation my eyes flicking towards Kuroo who was pointing at my wrist.

"Wow that's cool!" Bokuto joined in and my eyes drifted to the golden bracelet around my wrist. "It's not mine," I stated drinking my water. "Whos is it?" Akaashi asked and I sighed again. "My friend Y/n’s...She's gone now and I'd rather not talk about it," I said standing up and heading back to the net. None of them said anything more about it and I was grateful for that.

Later that night I closed my eyes and played the song that I had grown very familiar with. It was quiet except for the soft melody playing through my headphones. While my eyes were closed I felt the familiar pressure on my body like someone was laying on my chest. If I listened through my headphones close enough I could almost hear her soft voice humming the song. 

I knew in my brain it was impossible but for now I let my heart believe that it was her. I talked quietly about anything and everything that came to mind. The team was sleeping so I knew I could talk freely most of them slept like they were in a coma. I sighed as I reached the end of my story before I spoke once more.

"I miss you Y/n,"

————————————————————————

TAGLIST: @wonhomarshmallow

[rogueariadne]

To Have A Villain’s Quirk

TEN: CONTROL YOURSELF

Song: The Middle - Jimmy Eat World  

Kaida didn't leave Midoriya's side the rest of the day, going as far as almost nodding off. The moment she heard Midoriya shift and groan, she was up and attentive to the boy. She didn't want to startle him too much, merely waiting for the boy to get a hold of his surroundings. Recovery Girl had walked in as well, taking her seat and scooting next to the two of them while he questioned himself out loud. "Rise and shine, sonny!" She called, making Kaida giggle at his sudden shock.

    "K-Kaida?! Recovery Girl?" He looked between the two, gears in his brain finally turning as he looked down at his body. Kaida smiled and sat back a little as Recovery Girl started unhooking him from the IV's.

    "Welcome back to the land of the living, Izu!" The young girl said, handing over a water bottle. He took it with a sheepish smile, slowly sitting up.

    "Ah, thanks.." Taking a drink, he winced as he looked down at his arm. His expression suddenly lit up as he met her gaze. "How did your fight go?" She laughed dryly, looking away as she fiddled with her hands.

    "Well.. it didn't."

    "Huh?"

    "I'll explain later. Why don't we go to the classroom and get our things?" He quickly nodded and there were off.

                                                                                               *

    "I missed all my afternoon classes.. how were they?" Midoriya asked, looking out the window to the evening sky.

    "Well... I didn't attend them either. I was with you."

    "Ah.. Mr. Aizawa's probably gonna choke us with his scarf.."

    "Probably.." They both sighed, clicking together how irresponsible they were. They promised their parents they'd keep their grades up, not skip out on class. Oops. They closed in on 1-A, Midoriya opening the door for them, Kaida rubbing her eyes tiredly as she stood by the wall. They both nearly jumped out of their skins as the bright red head caught the boy.

    "Hey, it's Midoriya! Good to see ya back, super!" Midoriya gasped, causing Kaida to quickly peek her head in, Kirishima grinning at her, too. "Hiyama, you too!" He turned his attention to the green eyed boy, leaning forward a bit as Mina came bounding toward them. "Ha! Man, I don't know what you were saying during that match. But you were all fired up, huh?"

    "I can't believe you held your own against Bakugo- He's super strong!" The tape boy said, Sero. Mina looked between them all, giddy. She quickly pulled the maroonette into the room, squeezing her arm.

    "Are you kidding?! Midoriya, you should've seen Kai! She looked ready to take him down just to defend your honor!" The boy quickly looked at his friend, who just sent a matching smile.

    "You guys really turned up in the first match, so none of us held back in our rounds, either!" Sato smirked, Aoyama peaking around Ashido.

    "You were far from elegant but I suppose-"

    "And the dodging was like, whoa!" The pinkette hopped excitedly, bringing Kaida with her. It made her laugh a little before it dawned on her. She looked between her former teammates, tilting her head in question.

    "Oh! How did the match go? Did you guys win?" Mina grinned, hands on her hips as she stood proudly.

    "Of course we did. It was super easy." Sero snickered.

    "Yeah, you just made them slip the entire time." She only stuck out her tongue at them, wrapping her arm back around Kai's in a protective manner. Kai laughed a little again as they all huddled around the two, properly introducing themselves. She was glad that they were finally going over their names instead of her hoping they get called so she could learn them. She could see the look on Midoriya's face, seeing how much making friends meant to him. Of course, it wasn't just him making friends. They were talking to her, too. Even after the stunt she pulled just hours earlier. In their opinions, it was pretty badass, and they could understand where she was coming from. Although, it was a little scary coming from her.

    Kaida carefully removed her arm from the pink girl, squeezing around the group to get to their things. She wasn't too much of a people person but at least she was making progress. She glanced at the fuss Iida was making over the bird boy sitting on the desk, the purple haired girl and tail boy calling him out on how he needed to calm down. This was such a lively classroom. How would she ever get used to it? She saw the other door to the room open, revealing Uraraka and Kaminari talking while carrying what looked like workbooks. Uraraka ran off towards Midoriya, Kaida looking back to her desk to put her things away. She noticed that Midoriya was still in his hero suit, glad that she had went ahead and changed out of hers when she left class.

    "Hey there, Kurama, glad to see you're still with us." Kaida blinked, turning her attention to the mustard blond beside her. He had found him a comfy spot sitting against Hagakure's desk. He had a knowing grin on his face as he watched her get her things. She raised a brow, severely confused.

    "K..Kurama..?" She racked her brain to try to understand why he called her that before the gears in her head started turning. Then it clicked. "Did you really just call me the nine tailed fox's name?" He chuckled, leaning back on his hand.

    "Hm, I didn't actually think you would get that." She rolled her eyes, zipping up her bag. She turned to see Midoriya still talking with everyone before he suddenly took off. She blinked before she was gone too, everyone looking as she immediately ran after the boy. Where he went, she followed. They all noticed that. Kaida tried to call out to Izuku, but it was like he didn't hear her, so she just continued to follow the boy, hoping to find out where he was going. He led them to the front of the building, her trying her best to keep up before he finally came to a stop at he top of the steps to the building. It looked like he was trying to catch his breath, before he took off again, calling after his childhood friend. Kaida started to follow him before just staying a few feet behind him as they all came to a stop. She could see Katsuki starting to turn around.

    "I have to tell you something. Maybe then, you'll understand what's been going on. I wasn't hiding my Quirk from you. It was given to me by someone else. Recently." Kaida's eyes widened at the confession, catching Bakugo's look of quiet surprise. But also annoyance. Almost like he didn't believe him. He started to turn around more. "But I can't tell you who I got it from,  so don't ask! Sounds crazy, I know. It's like something out of a comic book. Only it's real. The thing is, I don't really have any control over this power yet. I haven't figured out how to make it my own,  but I'm trying." As he continued to explain why he didn't use it, Kaida couldn't help but feel a little but betrayed. Why, out of all people, would he tell Bakugo first? Why wouldn't he tell his best friend his secret before Katsuki? Is it because they were childhood friends? Or did he just not trust her? She could see the other boy shaking with anger as Midoriya continued on. Until he finally said that he'd beat him with his borrowed Quirk.

    "How dumb do you think I am? 'Borrowed power'? Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot." he turned around to fully face him, catching the girl's shocked and hurt expression. He clicked his tongue, so she didn't know. "You already made a fool outta me in that damn training exercise. So? Did you come here to rub it in? I lost. And to make matters worse, it was to you. I came in first in the exam, but that's not enough. When I was watching that ice guy, I realized I couldn't beat him in a head-to-head fight. Crap! I even agreed with what that girl said. My attack was so stupid! Damn it!" He was getting angrier by the minute, more upset with himself than anything. It broke her heart to watch him start to break down. "Enjoy that win, Deku! You won't get another one!" Kaida watched as tears threatened to pour from the blond's eyes, her own tearing up at the pained expression. "You hear that, Red?!"

    Kaida's eyes widened more as he addressed her, Midoriya gasping and turning to look at her, realizing she had been there the entire time. "I won't lose to either of you! I'm just getting started! Got that?! I'm gonna end up the number-one hero, no matter what!" The pair looked at him with determined expressions, Kaida's more worry than anything, as he turned away from them, sniffling. "You'll never beat me again, you bastard. Don't even try." They watched him walk away, startled as All Might came onto the scene and started talking to him, only for Bakugo to walk away from him. Once he was out of sight, All Might joined the two, asking what he had said before the young boy freaked out a little bit, waving it off as nothing. But Kaida knew. And she finally began to put the pieces together. Eventually, All Might took his leave and Kaida looked down as her friend finally turned to her.

    "So.. you heard all of that." He didn't look her in the eyes, fiddling with his sling. She nodded, giving a small noise as a yes. "I... I was going to tell you.. but.."

    "It's from All Might.. isn't it? That's why you two are so close." She said it quietly, never knowing who could be listening. He gasped at her question. How was she right? But he shouldn't fight her, this was his best friend after all.

    "Y..yes.. I'm sorry I didn't tell you first.."

    "It's okay.. I-" She finally looked at him, eyebrows creased. "I have a secret I need to tell you, too.. But.. You have to promise to hear the who thing before deciding if you still want to be around me." Midoriya blinked in confusion.

    "What do you mean, if I still want to be around you..? Is it that bad?" Kaida's frown grew, shifting her gaze away before he scrambled, waving his hands frantically. "Hey, if it's something that makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to!" She shook her head.

    "N-no.. I heard your secret. It's only right that I tell you mine. Including, everything about my quirk. So.. wanna sit on the steps with me?" She turned a little, a gesture for them to go sit. He nodded hesitantly before following her, sitting beside her.

    For a while, it was just them. She explained how her quirk worked, how she could withstand being severely injured, her regeneration properties, how many tails she could generate, and finally her drawbacks. Saving the worst for last..

    "H-human flesh..?" She nodded nervously, wringing her hands in her lap.

    "And coffee! It.. it helps keep the hunger away." He looked away, nodding to himself.

    "Okay.. can I ask something? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to though!" She quickly nodded, quiet as she waited. "Um.. have you ever.. well.. k-ki.."

    "Killed somebody for food?" She finished. He nodded, not meeting her eyes. She sighed. She was waiting for it.

    "..It was an accident." His eyes shot up to her expression. It was filled with guilt, sadness. "I was just a kid.. I was being bullied and I just wanted it to stop.." She hugged herself, closing her eyes tightly as she remembered it so vividly. "Suddenly, the kid was dead because of me not being able to control my quirk. Then I blacked out.. next thing I knew.. his blood was on my hands, and my hunger was gone..." She bit her lip as she started to curl in on herself. "I didn't mean to.. I didn't want to.." Midoriya reached his hand out before the sounds of footsteps closed in, the doors opening as the rest of their class flooded out.

    "Hey, we're all heading home! Didn't know when you guys were gonna come back but we took the liberty of grabbing your bags." The red head walked to where the pair sat, carefully dropping the bags beside them. Kirishima frowned when he saw the looks on their faces, a few of there other classmates walking over. Kaminari being one of them.

    "Hey.. everything okay?" He asked, worry etched into his expression at the tears in her eyes. Kaida quickly nodded, a false smile coming to her face as she grabbed her bag, jumping up from where she sat and brushing off her clothes.

    "Y-yeah! Don't worry about it!" She hesitantly turned to the boy next to her, not meeting his eyes. "I think I'm gonna walk home alone, if you don't mind." She didn't wait for an answer, just pushed past Kaminari and the group, walking away from the campus. She didn't hear anyone following her, which she was grateful for, so she wasn't in too much of a hurry to get home. She didn't know what her family would do when she told the that she nearly got out of control. She could already hear her mom scolding her for not being able to control her emotions. And her dad.. She'd probably just get a pat on her head. Maybe she shouldn't say anything just yet. So, she didn't. It was an easy evening, her parents chatting happily back and forth. When she went to go train in the backyard, Takeshi followed her out, crossing his arms.

    "Mind if I join ya?" This made Kaida perk up, quickly shaking her head as the man joined her in the yard. "It's been a while, so I know I'm rusty. Go easy on me." His playful grin made her laugh but she nodded, readying herself. As they sparred, Kaori looked out the window, watching the two like. It was like when their daughter was younger. But now, she had quite an advantage over her husband with how much training she had been doing. Of course, she was still naive, and Takeshi used that against her, predicting her so easily. Eventually one of them got knocked down, bringing the other with. This caused laughter to fill the space between them, both falling back against the grass as they talked back and forth. Kaori wished it would just stay like that, her husband, and her little girl, happy. She walked away from the glass, going to sit in the living room while the other two were occupied. On the other side of the glass, Kaida was giggling away as Takeshi was going on about some trip he went on and some guy that he ran into.

    "You're serious? There's no way someone can be that stupid!"

    "I don't think he was stupid, at least, not a lot. He had to be drunk or something! But he just kept falling forward and hitting his head, yelling something, calming down, then fall forward again and just do it all over." They held their stomachs as they laughed away. "He was just so out of it!"

    "Oh god, that's amazing! You should've taken a video." He nodded in agreement, pulling himself to his feet, holding a hand out to the girl. She gladly took it, following him over to the porch stairs and sitting next to him.

    "Yeah.. probably. So, enough of that. Second day of hero school, how'd it go?"

    "Oh.. ya know.. just practicing hero stuff.. like saving people, and defeating make believe villains.." She started, getting quieter as she continued. "And attacking classmates.."

    "You what." She laughed nervously, avoiding eye contact.

    "Hah.. funny story, actually.. this kid, uh.. he went over board in training, and hurt my best friend, and uh.. well.. I may have lost some of my control.." The man sighed, leaning back on his hands.

    "Kaida Hiyama. What's all this training for if you can't control yourself?" She squeaked in surprise.

    "It was an accident! I was just! I was so angry with him and I guess, knowing that I didn't really have to hide my quirk anymore sent me into that state..!"

    "That's not an excuse.. do you remember the last accident that happened because you couldn't control yourself?" Ouch. She flinched at his words, knowing he was right. Looking down in shame, she ran a hand through her hair. Takeshi sighed, patting her shoulder before he got up.

    "Don't worry, I won't tell your mom about what happened. Go get cleaned up and ready for bed. Okay? We'll talk more about this later." She nodded as he went inside, and soon she followed. Maybe tomorrow would be better.

    How she was so very wrong.

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[and-i-uh]

6? 22? Any other number you wanted to answer?

6- i dont have any stim toys, ive never really delved into that stuff, i was never really given the chance to explore stuff that would help me out with stimming and such. I also dont think i would like stim toys? Maybe i just have to try some but idk.

22- idk any specific songs i stim to. But ive stimmed while listening to mcr, and honestly i just stim to alot of the general songs i listen to. I really like singing along, i think thats a stim of mine, and some songs just listening to them is like stimming (anything with drums and/or guitars)

2- i like blankets a lot. Even if im hot and dont really need one, ill subconsciously grab the blanket on the couch and put it on my lap, and on my bed. There was one day i grabbed a pocket-sized beanie baby and put itin my hoodie pocket, and just knowing it was there made me happy. Also when i was with my friends one of them stuck their hands in my pocket and i panicked and like moved it out of their reach bc i was scared to get made fun of lol, it ended up being fine. I sleep with stuffed animals a lot. I think thats it

3- my school experiences were,,, not fun at all. Theres a lot to unpack there. My schools all had this thing called a “504 plan” or whatever. And it’s supposed to help people with certain disorders/disabilities. Mine only acknowledged my adhd as far as i know. Maybe my anxiety too. Some of the things that were supposed to ‘help’ were moving me to the front of the room, i got extended time to complete stuff (supposedly), extended time on certain tests (which i only saw on the act, literally i got no other extended time to do anything else. And after i got extended time on the act my scores shot up. Imagine the potential if i was given my actual extended time shit) and the meetings were hell. They started to have meetings with me in middle school, sixth grade i think. Having an administrator there, and my parents, and at least one teacher was terrifying to me. I think i cried every meeting. Honestly it felt like an interrogation to me, esp with all the damn eye contact and shit. My dad asked me if i wanted to continue it this year and i was immediately like fuck no nuh uh not happening. And whether or not I actually needed to be in the front of the room depended on the class, teacher, the people in there, but a lot of the time i would just be moved to the front and i would hate it. In eighth grade my math teacher moved me from the back of the room (a favorite seat in that class) to the front of the room in the middle of class for like a week. It was honestly humiliating and the only time i was eventually able to express my opinion on the 504 shit. Actually my freshman math teacher did that too. Ahaha moving on now before this gets too long.

4/5- three negative and positive things about being autistic.

Pros-

(1) i dont really have a chance to not have a hobby. Ive always got an interest to keep me entertained and i like that.

(2) stimming is nice, i like it, im not afraid to let myself stim. Makes me feel better.

(3) im unique and shit. I have a different pov than other people and that allows me to have different ways of thinking. I think outside the box ig. I also have this weird version of confidence and objectivity that I appreciate in myself

Cons-

(1) its hard to feel like i belong somewhere, bc im so different. Im getting better at it but im not good at getting close to people.

(2) i also like,, dont have certain permanence? Like object permanence? A lot of the time i dont really miss things/people unless im somewhere that reminds me of them. Idk if it’s negative really but its something,, even a spin, like bts, i dont really miss them that much until i do. Theyre still very important to me but yeah

(3) people dont really get me the same way other people get other people. And its hard for me to explain it to people. And theres certain people i get more than others. Its weird.

7- people need to give autistics a chance to be heard. Apply the accommodations you “give” them. Dont put them in the spotlight and give them space when needed. We are what you might call “picky” too. Eating, learning, socializing, we have our own things we need to be able to do shit. Learn them. Let us stim. Encourage us to learn about ourselves and remind us that youre there for us. But dont try to help us unless we ask or we actually need help. Dont trigger meltdowns on purpose, stop using the r word even in passing like its not a big deal. Be more than aware of us, accept us, appreciate us. Dont be a bystander.

8- i dont have much experience with meltdowns? I think? If i have i didnt have chances to recover. I had to go back to class or something. Idk how to recognize them in me either.

10- showering. Thats a big thing that even though i kinda need i forget to do. Except during school. I had a whole routine in the morning and i was super punctual. If i didnt shower i would be late, miss the bus, forget something.

12- meat. The way it feels. Disgusting. How do people eat it and not feel like dying? Same with lettuce. Spinach is fine but every time i try to eat lettuce I almost throw up. Bell peppers, pickles, vinegar, mayo, eggs usually, cheese sometimes. Just off the top of my head. One time i tried putting lettuce on my burger, was feeling adventurous, and after biting down i had to just take the lettuce off. Another time, my stepmom (newly married to my dad) made slads for us, and i was skeptical. There was white stuff all over the salad and she wouldnt tell me what it was. I tried eating a little carrot stick thing and almost vomited. Thats when she learned I cannot eat mayo. Even if idk that its mayo i still cant fuckin eat it. She forced me to eat bell peppers one time. Didnt go well at all. At all.

(Not gonna do the spin one bc ive already talked about them and if i do again itll be too long)

15- yes! I only do big stuff(?)(like yelling n shit) when im completely alone. Like if im home alone. Bc i get so loud. Sometimes ill hum in my room or sing to myself in my room though. Its so fun. As for phrases i repeat, ill repeat anything i find interesting. In a movie or song, or even something a friend said. One time my mom said the phrase “tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good” and i went around the kitchen repeating it until she got annoyed. Also sometimes something in the room will have a constant sound and ill like think a phrase to that sound repeatedly. Idk how to explain it lol. Idk if thats echolalia either

16- rocks. Typical i know, collecting rocks. But i just cant help it. I see a rock i like, i pick it up, take it home. I used to collect sticks. And when i was in elementary school, i used to pick shit up off the playground. Beer bottle caps was a favorite. Apparently the school called my mom about it bc they found my stash and thought it was from home and my parents were drinking excessively. 😬 oops

18- introverted?

19- kinda depends. Idk. I really cant tell wow. I would probably say hypersensitive. Just cause i have a ton of sensory issues and a lot of stuff bothers me. Like types of clothes. And how things are resting on my body. Yeah i guess i am hypersensitive.

20- i used to struggle with self love a lot. And sometimes i still kinda do. But in the past few years ive really started appreciating myself and trying to learn a lot about myself. Its going well id say.

21- empathy. Hmm. I think im very empathetic, actually. I can always tell when someone is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. And when i should tell people to back off of them if they wont say it themselves. And im very uncomfortable when theres secondhand embarrassment. And bullying, in something im watching or reading. Yknow, I actually cant watch mean girls. I just. I tried, i had to walk away bc I couldn’t take it. It also kinda triggers me so theres that. Bc of the bullying. But yeah im very empathetic. Otherwise socially im not good at that.

23- nope. Ive got like no support system other than tumblr and online friends. Apparently my dad refused to acknowledge im autistic and hes my favorite parent. Thats his big flaw though. And if i “came out” to him and said it myself he would probably come around. I know hes not completely nt either. My Opa has ocd, so nuerodiversity runs in the family ig.

While making this i got distracted and went on insta for like an hour oops lol

24- steampunk cosplay? Or college dorm tips? The steampunk one was freshman year, and the college dorm one was fifth grade. It lasted well into sixth grade and seventh grade.

[livesbeneath]

the end of all things.

pairing: noah x female mc (harley blanco)

summary: it’s three am, and her laugh is in his head. it almost makes him want to live.

word count: 2.8k.

author’s note: i decided to try and revert back to my old epic poem-esque style for this work, and i have to say, i am extremely excited about how it turned out!  this piece has been a labor of love for me, and i really hope you all enjoy a brief journey across canon with a little added perspective from noah and mc.  i wrote this fic mainly while listening to  the end of all things  by panic! at the disco, hence the name. i highly recommend giving the song a listen since it’s gorgeous - and really helps set the mood. i apologize for any grammar / sentence structure issues, as i tried to proofread the best i could, and thank anyone who takes the time to read!  feedback in any form is deeply appreciated!  (and a big thanks to @gayvathewitch for being my first set of eyes <3)

disclaimer: i do not own these characters / some of the dialogue present. creative liberty has been taken to make this story unique, and i do not intend to use it for profit in any way.

whether near or far, i am always yours. any change in  time, we are young again. so lay us down. we’re in love.

i. bravery

She asserted herself as the bravest in the group at age seven. She picked up worms after rainstorms, rode her bike without a helmet, and tried a new vegetable every month. She jumped into the public pool without holding her nose and didn’t wear swim goggles.

Despite being a pup, Harley led the pack. She was destined to grow into her claws.

ii. cowardice

He always looked slightly anxious. He was cautious, moody, protective. He often hid under his covers at night when he heard the wind blow through his window. It was broken, and refused to close all the way.

Noah wasn’t a wolfish young boy. He was more the shadow that hung behind the sun.

iii. third

He decides eight o’clock in the morning is too early to be awake. Noah suppresses a yawn, eyelids drooping. His mom says that he’ll be able to walk to school after he turns twelve. Until then, he’s stuck on the bus.

“Where’s Jane?” Harley asks quizzically, her Monsters Inc. lunchbox sat on her lap. The two girls always sat together. Noah usually took the seat across the aisle from them - but today it had been claimed by Grant Warner, and he was a fifth grader.

“She has a fever.” He frowns as he stares at the empty space beside her. “Can I sit?”

“I don’t know-” she grins, pulling on one of her own pigtails. “Can you? Do you know how to sit, Noah?”

“Shut up.” he grumbles as he plops down. She knows he doesn’t mean it, and that only makes her giggle harder. The sound makes him want to shove her lunch onto the floor. That is, until he hears his mother’s voice in the back of his head.

You know, boys only pick on girls if they like them, Noah.

Frowning to himself, he sinks lower into the seat, not bothering to shrug his backpack off his shoulders. Her voice was too loud for such an early morning.

“Are you nervous?” she answers before he can even take a breath. “I’m not nervous. I can’t wait to tell Jane all about it!”

“Third grade is gonna be just like second grade, y’know.”

Her spirit is seemingly indomitable, as she simply cheers in response. Her second grade year was a blast - and his was filled with butterflies. Annoying butterflies.

Butterflies he’d like to squish.

iv. sleepover

Mrs. Marshall had packed her children a travel-sized bag of cheesyfish, their own separate flavored toothpastes, and mismatched pairs of socks. She didn’t stop at the front door of Harley’s house to see her children off. Her migraines were getting worse - and a quiet night free of her kids was just what the doctor ordered.

Noah was shocked when Harley’s father answered the door. He didn’t see her parents much. In fact, he was pretty sure they were supposed to be in Boston on business in a week.

Immediately, the twins were whisked to the backyard where the rest of their friends were waiting. Andy was ripping clumps of grass out of the ground and throwing them at Lucas, which was highly amusing to the other children.

“Harley!” Jane says from beside him, a sly smile on her face. “Tell Noah to stop being such a big baby about Mr. Red.”

Harley’s mouth forms an o-shape, her eyebrows raising. “You don’t want to go play with Mr. Red tonight?”

“I’m not a baby! I just think - what if your parents see we aren’t here?”

“That’s why we have a tent, silly! And blankets and pillows to make props! We know Mr. Red can’t really play with us in the light.”

He bites his lip. “It’s gonna be really dark.”

“We can bring flashlights!” Harley smiles. “Or, we can stay here. I want to go to help protect everyone, but you remember the playtime rule, don’t you?”

A few feet away, Jane breaks a twig in half with a clean snap!

“Everyone plays together!”

v. whispers

Her first mistake was not making it to the gym early. If she had, maybe she could have snagged a seat at the top of the bleachers, somewhere high up, a corner against the wall where no one would bother her.

She’s all too aware of his lazy eyes. Tired as they may be, they burn into her back as she stands there like an idiot, contemplating a daring escape out the closest exit.

“Hey, Harley! Sit your stupid ass down unless you wanna watch from the garbage can!”

To her chagrin, Noah makes no move to assist her as she stands there. She doesn’t expect him to, but it would have been the most efficient way to make Cody shut his mouth.

“Hello? You’re blocking our view, and there’s a spot right there!” Jocelyn blurts, waving a hand towards the only seat left open in the whole place.

She exhales before turning at a snail’s pace to meet Noah’s eyes. He sits there expectantly, and Harley assumes that he already knows his answer to her question before she’s even asked it. Swallowing her pride, she offers him a reluctant smile. “Hey, Noah. Do you mind if I…?”

Can you? Do you know how to sit, Harley?

“Knock yourself out.”

He takes his time scooting to the side. Harley shoots Cody and Jocelyn one last glare before stepping up and squeezing beside Noah, crossing her arms across her chest as she plants her feet firmly on the platform below. Any attempts at small talk will be futile, and yet-

“So… what’s been up with you? We haven’t really talked since…”

His voice is a flatline. He shifts uncomfortably in his spot. “Yeah, I know.”

Harley shakes her head slightly as she glances around, her eyes not exactly focusing in on anything, not even Lucas as he approaches center floor to begin the assembly. The gymnasium rumbles around them as the students welcome their class president. Both stay still, letting the vibrations from over a hundred feet stomping madly drown out the rumbles of awkwardness situated in their stomachs.

They fall into a steeled, not-quite conversation. Occasional jabs at Lucas’ discovery of hair gel and Stacy’s cheermates inch them closer and closer to dismissal. After the bell, they’ll hopefully never have to do this again.

“Why do people like her so much?” Harley huffs offhandedly, eyeing Britney in the sea of pom poms before them. “They’ve got to know how horrible she is.”

“And?” Noah begins. “She’s hot and she can do flips. We can’t compete with that.”

She turns to look at him, a curious half-smile on her face as he shrugs. It’s somewhat comforting to know that they remain similar despite the ten years of radio silence between them.

It isn’t the same with everyone else, though. Some of them are still stuck in the gutter of the social pyramid, some of them seemingly free from it, parading around the gym like they own it.

“Huh. Andy actually made the team this year.”

Harley can’t help but grin at that. “Good for him! I can’t wait to see him play.”

Noah yawns as the basketball team captain takes the podium, his speech a carbon copy of every other student-written rallying cry, right down to the obnoxious Westchester Wolves howl.

However, one element manages to catch them both off guard: the flickering of the gymnasium lights.

Then, a plea from Lucas to stay seated. A microphone full of feedback. A broken stereo system.

With a loud BANG!, the doors of the gym fly open, and the lights flicker back on.

She feels a hand clamp around her arm. A shiver up her spine.

“God! What are you-”

He speaks with a frightening concern. “Shut up! Do you hear that!?”

“Hear what?”

“Ssssshhhh!”

The music sputters and dies as the lights shut off completely. A voice, completely alien and horribly familiar.

A whisper.

“Everyone… plays… together.”

vi. resurgence

They all started spending time together, but only out of obligation. It wasn’t as if cops could just arrest Redfield.

She understands Noah’s anger, but it doesn’t make the sight of his face twisted in rage any easier to see. It’s a constant reminder that maybe they could have spared themselves years of loneliness if one of them had been tough enough to speak up.

Harley wasn’t going to stand back anymore. Not after the assembly. Not after finding Dan. Not after what he had told her in the hardware store.

“Mom blames me, y’know. For Jane… and for dad leaving right after.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“It is. She’s said it to my face. Regularly, actually.”

It’s moments like that, like him looking so paralyzed when a monster charges at him, which spark up remembrance in her. They not only make her realize how much she’s missed him, but how much she’s always wanted to be there for him. To protect him. Something about him ignites the hero in her.

She finds where he sits at lunch and plops down.

He wonders why she didn’t ask before doing so.

vii. effortless

The cobblestone around Britney’s pool proved to be terribly unkind to any kind of shoe that required balance to walk in. Decked out in gold and heels, an ensemble that was a giant leap from her normal bomber jacket, it almost made Harley wish that she hadn’t agreed to take a walk with him.

Almost.

Jocelyn’s laugh and the rest of the party fades out behind them as they reach the edge of the backyard, the gentle lapping of the pool water calming Harley’s nerves.

She feels the urge to reach down her throat and rip her heart from her chest in an attempt to silence it. From the moment she had seen him in his natural habitat, gracelessly tossing potato chips into the pool, her heartbeat had been on the fritz.

Nevertheless, she appears just as collected as ever, even as the two of them share a grin. She takes note of how much lighter he looks when he does so.

“So I gotta ask-” she begins. “Why’d you decide to come tonight.”

He looks her over subtly. His hands begin to sweat. “It’s dumb.”

“I bet it’s not! What if I tell you something dumb?”

“Depends on what you got.”

She runs through multiple replies in her mind. There’s “I think you look nice with your hair long”, along with “I felt my stomach lurch when you laughed earlier”. There’s also-

“I got points off my language arts homework because I misspelled orange.”

His lips turn upward, and he doesn’t work to suppress a chuckle. “You mean the most phonetically sound word in the English language?”

“See? Now that was dumb.” she watches him shake his head, taking a breath.

“I came because…”

Because you would be here. Because she made things a bit easier to bear. “Well, being with your friends in a place you hate is still better than being alone, right?”

He drifts from her in that moment, the grill a few feet away giving him something more stable to think about. She approaches - relentless as always - a smile on her face. He wishes he could be so easygoing.

She speaks so easily, and he doesn’t think she realizes the impact of the stuff she says. Noah doesn’t know what it is about her that makes her so much easier to talk to. So easy to snap at, and then confide in seconds later. He knows she deserves better than his polar opposites. She would have a much better time playing spin the bottle with Stacy’s brother.

And yet, she doesn’t go. Not when he digs up skeletons from his past, not when he mentions his wishes for the future. He barely realizes he’s talking about Baby Jane’s, something that he’s never mentioned away from pen and paper, until the words leave his mouth. Until she happily asks “Will you let me be a waitress at Baby Jane’s someday?”

Something about it is so effortless. Something about them is so…

“Now, what do you say we go back to the party? See if Britney has any hot dogs?”

He shakes his head as music begins to blare from the house. “You go ahead. I like how quiet it is over here.”

Harley’s face practically glows as she recognizes the song playing, and she turns back to him, enthusiastically sticking her arm out. “Are you sure? Come on, come dance with me!”

“Hey, I bet Andy would dance with you.” he can’t help but smile, pointedly trying to ignore the adorable way she bobs along to the bass.

Instead of replying, Harley decides to kick off her heels, one of them landing in the pool as she goes. She shakes out her hair, brunette tresses falling over her shoulders and down her back, moving from side to side as she begins to groove along with the sound.

Laughing, she extends both her arms, making grabby hands at him and calling out. “But it’s fun! And it’s Franz Ferdinand! You know Take Me Out, right?”

He doesn’t bother to recall if he knows the song or not, and smiles as he playfully waves her away, standing only to go and fish her shoe out of the water.

Sticking out her tongue, hips swaying, she turns and dances off to where Andy is sitting.

He watches her go, a blush spreading across his cheeks as he marvels at just how plucky she is.

Some things never change.

viii. reverse

He made a bold move of his own a few days later, bell ringing overhead as he showed up unannounced, joining her for all things coffee and Redfield related. She had initially been alone, probably for a reason, as it jostled him to see her so worked up.

After a particularly tense session of rehashing the past, the sound of her pencil furiously scribbling away in her notebook dedicated to Mr. Red is the only thing between them. He shuffles his feet as he sees her violently wipe tears of frustration from her eyes. A sickness pools into his chest as he realizes how much of this she’s taking on by herself  -  and in that, he sees his own reflection.

“I don’t know what to do.” she huffs, dropping her pencil to tug on her hair.

Unwilling to hash out the future in its entirety, his hand grazes hers before pulling away. Instead of something to hold, he gives her a small smile.

“If all else fails, you can always wait tables. Baby Jane’s is gonna need staff members.”

It’s a nice thought.

ix. sidestep

The night was young as the teens celebrated their victory. After spending what seemed like years fearing every shadow that fell beside them, the strobe lights at homecoming seemed almost too good to be true.

Noah drifts off to the side as a slow song begins, feeling his stomach begin to churn as the clock keeps ticking. No matter how he tries, he can’t will the hands to move any faster.

Harley also feels sick, but mainly because she’s just polished off her fourth cup of punch in fifteen minutes. That, and the fact that they’re the only two who haven’t found someone to dance with.

Neither of them work up the courage to make a move.

Maybe he could have if he didn’t know what was coming.

x. betrayal

What was coming could only be better than what had gone.

He tells himself this as he watches her, dress ruined, drenched in Cora Pritchard’s blood and riddled with tears, leave the dogs to deal with the horde closing in on the ruins. This is what they - what he - had to do.

This only makes him sicker as he leads her inside. No amount of hope will ever dull the knife in his pocket. The way he feels about her only makes it sharper, only makes it more painful as she grapples with it against her throat. He thinks it remarkable how valiantly she fights. She thinks it horrific how this is when he finally decides to grow some balls.

Her survival instincts briefly overtake her heart. “Noah, you traitor! Let go of me! If Redfield has hurt any of our friends, I swear-”

The venom in her voice shatters him inside, but he keeps his focus on his sister, on how sweet it will be to finally free her.

He thinks of how when he dies, he won’t ever feel the pain of hurting those he loves again.

xi. together

But as always, she has a plan of her own.

When there is no one left but the two of them, both staring confoundedly at the puff of smoke that was once Redfield, her mind begins to race.

Harley watches his feet drag across the floor as he approaches her, his appearance that of a boy dissolved by his own actions. Noah wants nothing more than to dissipate. He wants nothing more than to make things right. To be brave for once.

Unfortunately, bravery is all she has left.

xi. bravery

So, she sacrifices herself.

xii. cowardice

And as for him?

He runs.

in these coming years, many things will change. but the way  i feel will remain the same. so lay us down. we’re in love.

[kookiesjhope]

Our Song IV (kth)

Pairings: Kim Taehyung/Reader

Genre/au: songwriter!au, college!au, cutie tae, cheeky tae, songwriter!taehyung, professor!yoongi, bandmate!jin and bandmate!jungkook, roommate!jimin and roommate!jungkook, some namjin, also some sope.

Tags: fluff, angst if you squint, e2l ig

Words: 2.1K

a/n: i wrote this years ago on wattpad and thought about ‘re-touching’ it in a different way and changing the characters ig haha. sorry about the delay but im currently working with college applications and loads of examns ughghghhghg

Summary: You were a music major college student and part of an infamous local band. You were running late to a class when someone bumps into you and knocks all your stuff down. Little did you know that that encounter would change your life forever.

I feel like I’ve been blindsided my whole life. I can’t seem to focus on anything. I’m getting late to every class, I’m skipping meals without my own knowledge, I try to get home as early as possible just to avoid seeing Jimin. I don’t know what to do if I see him. I don’t know how I’ll feel when I see him. It’s all so confusing. All I want to do is for things to go back to normal, when Jimin was just my best friend.

I enter the cafe and I immediately see those big brown eyes full of stars looking back at me. I stumble a little bit with the door and I see Taehyung giggle at my actions. He stands up as I get closer to the table and slightly bows at me. I smile and sit in front of him, my cheeks are probably very red.

“I ordered you some hot chocolate because I like sweet drinks and I’m hoping you do as well.” He giggles while covering his face with his hands. I raise my eyebrows and grab the cup in front of me. He glances at me through his hands with a curious look in his eyes.

“Thanks, Tae.” I smirk and take a sip while looking at him. Taehyung hides behind his hands and I can hear him giggle again. He’s so cute sometimes. “Looks like you really got me figured out after all.” He looks up at me and tilts his head. He nods to himself.

“And I would like to continue...“ He looks at me all serious.

“Continue...?”

“You know,” He sips from his cup and licks his lips. “Like a really good book.” He smiles and my heart begins to run laps. “Except it’s blank and the parts keep filling in with time.” His smiles fades and he removes his stare from my face to his hands. “The chapters get longer and more emotional. I want to read all of those parts... and get to the point where I’m part of the narrative as well.”

I couldn’t understand what he was saying because the beating of my heart was too loud for me to listen to his words. Never has a guy made me feel like this. I couldn’t gather anything to say, my hands started trembling so I grabbed the cup and took a big long sip.

“You don’t have to say anything...” I look up at him and he’s already smiling at me. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. “I just wanted to let you know my true intentions and that no matter what happens with you, with us...” He grabs my trembling hand. “I’m here to stay.” I look at his hand caressing mine and for a moment, just a moment, I forget where I am. I stare into his eyes for so long that I can finally see clearly. He retracts his hand from mine and rests his face on his hands. I swear that for a moment, just a moment, I forgot who I am.

++++

This week I’ve been a walking ghost. I still feel dazed from my last encounter with Taehyung. I haven’t seen Jimin since that night. I really miss him...

“Oh... you’re alive?” I turn my head to the sound. It’s Jungkook searching something in the fridge. I look at him seriously and his smile immediately fades. “I’m sorry, I just haven’t seen you that much lately.” He closes the distance between us and offers me some chips. I shake my head while smiling and take some chips.

“I’ve just been... busy.” I look up at him and shrug my shoulders. He sighs and places the chips on the counter. He steps even closer to me.

“I don’t know what happened last week, but I can notice when things aren’t the same anymore. I don’t know, Y/N, I’m just worried about you.” He tilts his head and his eyes search for something around my face, maybe a reaction.

“There’s nothing to be worried about, Kook. It’s just something stupid, I’ll be fine.” I search for his gaze but he’s just looking at his feet. I grab his shoulder, “Kook-” He looks up sharply and removes my hand from his shoulder.

“It’s not stupid, Y/N!” I step back, slightly surprised. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell...” Jungkook looks at his feet again. “It’s just neither you nor Jimin look happy and I don’t like that. You guys are very important to me. I can’t stand seeing you guys suffer all alone. You need each other.” He steps closer to me.

“Kookie...” I shake my head trying to find the right words.

“You need to talk to him, Y/N.” He caresses my arm. My eyes immediately search the touch. I look at Jungkook’s eyes and I can see just how young they are, how innocent. Jungkook’s hand travels down to my arm while he smiles slightly at me. Suddenly my breathe is matching his. My eyes unintentionally searching for more.  The roughness of his fingertips sensitive on my soft skin. I lower my head and shake it. I shouldn’t be thinking these things.

I look up at him and I can see his eyes watering. I grab his face and bring it closer to mine. “I’ll talk to him.” He nods and sniffles. I caress his face with my hands and bring his forehead to mine. “I promise.” I close my eyes and we stay like that for a few seconds, our breathes perfectly in sync.

We hear a door slam shut and immediately retract from each other. I look towards the door and see Jimin nodding to himself while his arms are crossed looking at us. “Jimin-” He walks toward his room and shuts the door loudly.

I rub my temple and look at Jungkook. His face is all red and his gaze is stuck to his feet. I sigh and walk towards Jimin’s door, I open it without knocking. I see him in the same stance he was before, as if he was waiting for me to go to his room.

“Jimin, I can explain. It’s not what it looks like, I promise... I shouldn’t even be explaining this to you, I don’t want to-” I start walking towards him and his expression softens.

“Look...” He puts his hands in the air. “I shouldn’t even get jealous, you’re not my girlfriend. And I expected you to date other people because I can’t expect you to feel the same as I do, and I’m not going to obligate you into feeling the same. It’s not in my place.” He places his hand on his chest and sighs. He bites his lip and shakes his head. “But Jungkook... Really?”

I look up at him and his eyes look hurt. “Jimin...” I step closer to him and he lowers his head. “I don’t know what I’m doing. Jungkook was sad and I was just trying to comfort him.” I grab his hand and I can feel my lips starting to tremble. I take a deep breathe. Jimin looks up at me and I can feel his blood rushing through his veins. “All I know is that without you,” I close the distance between us and look up at him, our hands still intertwined. “I’m lost, and I don’t know what to do. I need you, Jimin. I need my best friend back.” He pulls me towards him and hugs me while we both cry. For a second, just a second, everything felt right.

++++

Everything felt like a dream. I would wake up, eat, go to class, eat, then go back to the apartment. Now I would wake up, think about Taehyung, eat, think about what he said, go to class, talk with Taehyung, walk with Taehyung to my next class, eat again, think about Jimin, text Jimin, hang out with Jimin, go back to the apartment, find Jungkook, hang out with Jungkook, try to go to sleep not knowing how I really feel. I don’t know why all of this is stressing me out. I finally have a nice friendship with Taehyung, Jimin and I are on good terms, and Jungkook is well... Jungkook.

I even tried doing a pros and cons list but I ended up with all pros and no cons. I mean, I’m obviously attracted to all of them since my heart doesn’t know how to function around them. Deep down I know what’s truly right for me, I think.

I mean, Jungkook is really nice and always makes me laugh but I think my heart races when I’m with him because I find him really really attractive. I can fix that.

With Jimin, everything just feels light and right. He makes me happy in every way. But I don’t know if what I feel for him is just love or in love. He’s great for me in many ways, but I’m afraid of losing my safe house. I want him there with me through every step of my life, I just don’t know how I want him yet. I can’t imagine myself having a relationship with Jimin.

Taehyung, he consumes my every thoughts and breaths. My heart is always racing when I’m with him, and he’s just like a hint of fresh air in my life.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I look up and see those warm brown eyes. “Hey. What are you doing here?” I smile as a scoot over giving him some space to sit down next to me.

“I was wondering about the stars tonight, and I heard about this cafe with windows that look directly to the stars and I just came.” I giggle. He looks up at the sky and smiles. “I came to see the stars in the sky, but I found something much better to look at.” He look at me and the hairs behind my neck perk up. “The stars look way better in your eyes, Y/N...” My breath heightens and I can feel the electricity of his hand next to mine.

That moment of ecstasy your body goes through right before you’re about to hold hands with someone you really like, that’s what I was feeling right now. That wonder of, is he going to hold my hand or is he going to look away, engraved at the back of my mind. There’s so much I want to say and do, but I feel that if I move, I’ll forget this moment forever.

Taehyung smiles to himself and turns his body towards me, in the process grabbing my hand in both of his. “I really like you, Y/N. I’ve read all the chapters that I needed, to know that I want to include myself in your narrative.” He brings his other hand towards my face and caresses my cheek.

“Tae...” I look down at my lap. “I...” I stare at him and immediately forget my words. How can a man look at a woman like that? He’s looking at me and giving me all his attention when what he initially came for is at the other side of the table. In this moment I just knew.

“I’ll give you time, if that’s what you need.” He smiles. “I promise. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I don’t-”

“You don’t what?”

“I don’t need time, Tae.” I remove my hand from his and turn my body towards his. His other hand still playing with my hair. “I just... I...” I sigh and shake my head. He grabs my face and moves his thumb through my cheek.

“It’s fine. I’m listening.” He smiles and places his other hand on my knee.

“I need you...” His eyebrows perk up and his hands stop moving. I laugh and place my hand atop of his. “I just, I really like you. I can’t spend a single moment without thinking about you. And every time I’m with you, my heart doesn’t even know what it’s doing. I never know what I’m doing when I’m with you.” I laugh and he smiles at me, his hand playing with my fingers. “But none of that matters because when it comes to that, it’s just you and me, and nothing else matters.” I tilt my head toward his hand and close my eyes.

When I open my eyes I see Taehyung just staring at me and smiling. I surprise myself when I close the distance between us. I place both my hands on his face while his travel to my waist. In this moment, this kiss, everything is perfect. I feel like I’m on top of the world. I didn’t know I was starving until I tasted him. His skin so soft against my touch. There’s no distance that can satisfy my longing for him. I have never gotten so lost in a kiss before. My heart finally accepting it’s final beat. Right here, where it’s just me and him, that’s just perfect. And for a moment, just for a moment, I wished this would last forever.

[longlistshort]

Silver Jews- Random Rules

I first heard about David Berman and his band Silver Jews a while ago, as they were one of those bands you heard about if you were a Pavement fan. But sadly, I never got around to listening to them until now.

Stephen Malkmus and David Berman went to the University of Virginia and later moved together to Hoboken, New Jersey. There Malkmus, along with their other roommate Bob Nastanovich, played with additional bandmates as Pavement, and together with Berman they formed the Silver Jews, although Berman soon remained the only constant member of the band.

When I discovered that David Berman had passed away and read the many quotes from his songs posted online by friends and fans, I finally spent some time listening to his music. There are just so many great lines in these songs. For instance, from Random Rules, posted above- “In 1984, I was hospitalized for approaching perfection/ Slowly screwing my way across Europe, they had to make a correction”. It’s a funny opener and the whole song is filled with quotable lyrics. Towards the end are the lyrics “I asked the painter why the roads are colored black/ He said, ‘Steve, it’s because people leave/And no highway will bring them back’.” So many of his songs are like this, the humor mixed with the pathos.

Silver Jews disbanded in 2009 and Berman quit making music for awhile. In 2011 he started a blog. In May, ten years after he stopped making music, he released the album Purple Mountains. The lyrics to the songs on this album, including the one below, are poignant, made even more so after his death. In a recent interview with Exclaim!, he discusses each song off that album.

Purple Mountains- All My Happiness Is Gone (song starts 2:06)

He also wrote poetry, and this poem, from his book Actual Air, is just so incredible I’m presenting it in its entirety (via poemhunter).

Self- Portrait at 28

I know it's a bad title but I'm giving it to myself as a gift on a day nearly canceled by sunlight when the entire hill is approaching the ideal of Virginia brochured with goldenrod and loblolly and I think "at least I have not woken up with a bloody knife in my hand" by then having absently wandered one hundred yards from the house while still seated in this chair with my eyes closed. It is a certain hill the one I imagine when I hear the word "hill" and if the apocalypse turns out to be a world-wide nervous breakdown if our five billion minds collapse at once well I'd call that a surprise ending and this hill would still be beautiful a place I wouldn't mind dying alone or with you.

I am trying to get at something and I want to talk very plainly to you so that we are both comforted by the honesty. You see there is a window by my desk I stare out when I am stuck though the outdoors has rarely inspired me to write and I don't know why I keep staring at it. My childhood hasn't made good material either mostly being a mulch of white minutes with a few stand out moments, popping tar bubbles on the driveway in the summer a certain amount of pride at school everytime they called it "our sun" and playing football when the only play was "go out long" are what stand out now. If squeezed for more information I can remember old clock radios with flipping metal numbers and an entree called Surf and Turf. As a way of getting in touch with my origins every night I set the alarm clock for the time I was born so that waking up becomes a historical reenactment and the first thing I do is take a reading of the day and try to flow with it like when you're riding a mechanical bull and you strain to learn the pattern quickly so you don't inadverantly resist it.

II two I can't remember being born and no one else can remember it either even the doctor who I met years later at a cocktail party. It's one of the little disappointments that makes you think about getting away going to Holly Springs or Coral Gables and taking a room on the square with a landlady whose hands are scored by disinfectant, telling the people you meet that you are from Alaska, and listen to what they have to say about Alaska until you have learned much more about Alaska than you ever will about Holly Springs or Coral Gables. Sometimes I am buying a newspaper in a strange city and think "I am about to learn what it's like to live here." Oftentimes there is a news item about the complaints of homeowners who live beside the airport and I realize that I read an article on this subject nearly once a year and always receive the same image. I am in bed late at night in my house near the airport listening to the jets fly overhead a strange wife sleeping beside me. In my mind, the bedroom is an amalgamation of various cold medicine commercial sets (there is always a box of tissue on the nightstand). I know these recurring news articles are clues, flaws in the design though I haven't figured out how to string them together yet, but I've begun to notice that the same people are dying over and over again, for instance Minnie Pearl who died this year for the fourth time in four years.

III three Today is the first day of Lent and once again I'm not really sure what it is. How many more years will I let pass before I take the trouble to ask someone? It reminds of this morning when you were getting ready for work. I was sitting by the space heater numbly watching you dress and when you asked why I never wear a robe I had so many good reasons I didn't know where to begin. If you were cool in high school you didn't ask too many questions. You could tell who'd been to last night's big metal concert by the new t-shirts in the hallway. You didn't have to ask and that's what cool was: the ability to deduct to know without asking. And the pressure to simulate coolness means not asking when you don't know, which is why kids grow ever more stupid. A yearbook's endpages, filled with promises to stay in touch, stand as proof of the uselessness of a teenager's promise. Not like I'm dying for a letter from the class stoner ten years on but... Do you remember the way the girls would call out "love you!" conveniently leaving out the "I" as if they didn't want to commit to their own declarations. I agree that the "I" is a pretty heavy concept and hope you won't get uncomfortable if I should go into some deeper stuff here.

IV four There are things I've given up on like recording funny answering machine messages. It's part of growing older and the human race as a group has matured along the same lines. It seems our comedy dates the quickest. If you laugh out loud at Shakespeare's jokes I hope you won't be insulted if I say you're trying too hard. Even sketches from the original Saturday Night Live seem slow-witted and obvious now. It's just that our advances are irrepressible. Nowadays little kids can't even set up lemonade stands. It makes people too self-conscious about the past, though try explaining that to a kid. I'm not saying it should be this way. All this new technology will eventually give us new feelings that will never completely displace the old ones leaving everyone feeling quite nervous and split in two. We will travel to Mars even as folks on Earth are still ripping open potato chip bags with their teeth. Why? I don't have the time or intelligence to make all the connections like my friend Gordon (this is a true story) who grew up in Braintree Massachusetts and had never pictured a brain snagged in a tree until I brought it up. He'd never broken the name down to its parts. By then it was too late. He had moved to Coral Gables.

V five The hill out my window is still looking beautiful suffused in a kind of gold national park light and it seems to say, I'm sorry the world could not possibly use another poem about Orpheus but I'm available if you're not working on a self-portrait or anything. I'm watching my dog have nightmares, twitching and whining on the office floor and I try to imagine what beast has cornered him in the meadow where his dreams are set. I'm just letting the day be what it is: a place for a large number of things to gather and interact -- not even a place but an occasion a reality for real things. Friends warned me not to get too psychedelic or religious with this piece: "They won't accept it if it's too psychedelic or religious," but these are valid topics and I'm the one with the dog twitching on the floor possibly dreaming of me that part of me that would beat a dog for no good reason no reason that a dog could see. I am trying to get at something so simple that I have to talk plainly so the words don't disfigure it and if it turns out that what I say is untrue then at least let it be harmless like a leaky boat in the reeds that is bothering no one. VI six I can't trust the accuracy of my own memories, many of them having blended with sentimental telephone and margarine commercials plainly ruined by Madison Avenue though no one seems to call the advertising world "Madison Avenue" anymore. Have they moved? Let's get an update on this. But first I have some business to take care of. I walked out to the hill behind our house which looks positively Alaskan today and it would be easier to explain this if I had a picture to show you but I was with our young dog and he was running through the tall grass like running through the tall grass is all of life together until a bird calls or he finds a beer can and that thing fills all the space in his head. You see, his mind can only hold one thought at a time and when he finally hears me call his name he looks up and cocks his head and for a single moment my voice is everything: Self-portrait at 28.

There is only so much time to read, listen to, and see all the wonderful things people have created. David Berman made work well worth spending some of that precious time on.

Rest in Peace.

[hoslen]

Piano keys

paring: min yoongi | reader

genre: fluff

word count: 1.4k (this is a big achievement for me)

summary: It was a boring Sunday night with your long time boyfriend, Min Yoongi. That is until he comes up with an idea that truly warms your heart.

a/n: Hello.. it’s Le! We are finally finding our inspiration to write again! and I'm back with this yoongi FLUFFFFF au! Ive been writing it for awhile and I truly hope you enjoy it! this was so nice to write since yoongi is my baby omg

─le

You tossed over on the familiar soft, double sized bed. Your arms rested on a lap. Who's? Your boyfriends. Your boyfriend of exactly 524 days. Yes, you kept count. It was Min Yoongi. The man who came into your life and stole your heart right away. You fell for his personality. It was so wild and contagous yet relaxed and diligent. He knew what he was passionate about and what he wanted to do, and how he was doing it. It also helped he could make you laugh when you cry, or laugh even more when you already are. You guess you could say he was the perfect man for you.

Your gleaming eyes looked up and met with his dark brown ones. It was ten pm with nothing to do on a Sunday night, so you and Yoongi sat flopped down on his, extremely cozy bed. Your eyes gazed over his small, sweet face. He had that beautiful smile on that made your face as red as a beat. His well known gummy smile. That smile, it was almost like his trademark, you guess you could say. It was something everyone wanted to see, for the cuteness and his happiness.

When you say everyone, it is indeed, almost everyone. Yoongi was a well known man in the music business for his beautiful pieces of work that he spend hours and hours on. He worked hard for the things he loved. He wrote pieces of music mainly for himself. They were always meaningful too. They would talk about reality. The struggles and walls of discouragment people face. That was beautiful. Instead of using his music for fame or money, he used it for a difference and for others happiness.

Yoongi's hands reached to yours, slowly grabbing the phone from your hand and gently tossing it to the other side of the bed. He wanted to focus on you, and only you, not the electronics that he claims have taken over the human race. You, of course agreed with him. Almost everyone has a phone, laptop or tablet nowadays. It's kind of crazy. Times like this with Yoongi were the best, though you never did have much to do. He gave you that glare. That glare you knew he was thinking of something. Like that time you were at a amusment park. Yoongi had this great, fantastic idea to hop on the fastest ride at the park, and drag you with him. Rollercoasters, they were great. But, did not make you, feel, great. Long story short, the fun amusment park date ended earlier then it was planned, and Yoongi needed a new shirt.

"I have an idea" Yoongi's rough voice echoed through your ears. You rolled your eyes giving off a fake "oh no what the hell are you thinking of now" vibe. "This should be fu-" before you could continue, you were cut off by Yoongi quickly sitting up and grabbing your hands, practically pulling you off the bed. He pulled you through almost every spot of his warm home. The long hallway, the cozy living space, the large kitchen. Until you reached an unfamiliar room. One that was much more warmer then the rest of his house, and surprisingly the biggest room of every other one. Yoongi's studio room. One room of his home you were never exactly in, except for a few peaks here and there. It was like his own area where it was just him and where he focused on everything from work to just day to day life things. All around there were instruments, speakers, computers, and what seemed like hundreads of other music products. Yoongi's hands swayed you over to the medium sized bench, you obeyed, following and slowly sitting on the dark brown bench that matched the piano.

"I had this since i was.." He started, but quickly stopped. You could see him counting the years on his fingers. It made you let out a small chuckle, which followed by Yoongi scrunching his nose, and man was it adorable. "Let's say.. enough years to fit on my ten fingers.. I think its safe to say, only ive played this piano. Its how i learned and found my, first love." he smiled, his eyes not once leaving you. He slowly bent down over your shoulder, taking your hands softly in his, caressing them gently. He placed your fingers so softly on the white keys with each finger, the keys gently bouncing. You couldnt help but notice how delicate they were.

"Your thumbs on C. Your pointer finger is on D, then your middle fingers on E, next is F and finally your, very small pinky is on G" He chuckled as everytime he spoke one note he would press down your finger to the key, making it make its soft, beautiful sound.

"What do the black ones do?" you smiled, turning your head, making it inches from his. Your smiles grew, and believe it or not, your cheeks still got red and warm. After so many months of dating, he still had a affect on you as if it was your first time meeting.

It was a cold tuesday night when you met Yoongi. You were walking back home from your last class of the day, when you heard clapping and cheering over in the distance. You, being intrigued with what was happening, you followed. As you got closer you could hear the faint sound of music. Not nothing up beat or multiple instuments, just one. Piano. A small keyboard was in your sight. Finally, beyond all the crown. You saw a man, sitting at a small, pretty advanced black piano, playing beautiful music with the tips of his fingers. You stood, cold, with a small smile. There wasnt a hat or box or anything for money, and you wanted to tip him. The music he was making was so, gentle and passionate. At the end of his preformance you got the urge and went up to him, taking a ten dollar bill out of your pocket. "You were very good, and i couldnt help but notice theres nothing down to pay you, so, here!" you smiled, faking your confindence since talking to new people was one of the many things you werent best at. His laugh at that time, worried you. Why was he laughing? You choked out a laugh as you put your hand out to him, handing the money. He didnt take it. "I don't need money. Your kind words were enough" he smiled, making you blush. The first blush of many. The money slowly followed its way back to your pocket, and you and the man suddenly found yourselves talking for hours until it was dark. His name was Yoongi, and he was a rising idol in the music buisness. Oh, and you also got his number.

"A black key." The man next to you chuckled while shaking his head. "They are sharps and flats. It means to play the next higher or lower key on a piano, but the key could be black or white." He smiled at you, hoping you understood. You nodded. "Okay.. I think I got it! So.. what should we play!" Yoongi scooted himself onto the brown stool next to you. His cheeks were a new shade of red youve never seen on him before. "Just follow me." he whispered, taking your hands in his and soon before you knew it, it was already two in the morning.

"And.. done!" Yoongi smiled widely, beyond proud of how quick you learned and played the song. "That was so.. beautiful. I loved it! But, I didnt reconize the song.. what one was it?" Yoongi's teeth made a way to his bottom lip. You could tell he was nervous, but why? He turned himself faced towards you, his legs hanging on either side of the stool, and you did the same. "Well.. It's a song.. I wrote" he started, his throat feeling like it had a lump stuck. "For you." he let out a calm breath, smiling brightly, his eyes curving in the same motion with his lips. You were speechless. Soon you were a bright red everywhere, your cheeks pained from the smile held so long on your face. You grabbed his face, your lips crashing to his. They moved in sync almost as if it was to the song you just played.

You were in love with him, and he was in love with you. "Thank you."

[random-storykeeper]

My OHC compilation video is here! This time, I showcase all 29 entries I’ve submitted for One Hour Compos in 2018. The cover art in the centre of the thumbnail is done by my friend catnippackets and I still can’t get over how amazing it is that she took the time to make it for me. :)

Last time I did one of these compilation videos, I made it so that the blurbs I wrote about the individual pieces was on its own, private post. I forgot you could do read mores on video posts, so this time I figured, why not just make this all public? That’s in the full post below:

OHC 482 "Connect the Dots" - When the first OHC of 2018 kicked off, I had a lot of trouble thinking of ideas on how to approach this theme. Eventually, I just settled for keeping things simple, using chiptune with a little bit of guitar to create a more pleasant little nighttime piece.

OHC 483 "Patternwork" - When I first saw the images, I wanted to be direct as possible in terms of my theme approach musically. I would use guitars as my choice of string instruments to convey the “threads” and have them repeat simple patterns with triplets going against eighth notes, taking away and adding layers as the piece went along. I exhausted almost every guitar I had in my soundfont collection and ended up having to use an electric guitar. Surprisingly, it worked out pretty well.

OHC 484 "Going Your Own Way" - I usually approach underwater themes in the same matter - sine waves with lots of release. This time, I wanted to do something a little different, but still chiptune. So I decided to focus more on having a direct melody and using square waves instead. I actually quite like the carefree melody I came up with here - sadly, I didn’t really know how to develop it any further so I ended up just repeating it a lot throughout the piece, haha.

OHC 485 "Rays and Rain" - This theme was difficult to work with. I wasn’t really sure what to interpret the pictures as. I ended up just thinking of “rain with some light coming through” and kind of went off with that in a more laidback fashion. It was this compo that I discovered that slowing down the tempo while using delay that is synchronized to the current tempo creates a cool kind of pulsating effect, which is heard at the end.

OHC 486 "Distant Hearts" - This piece was one of the few vocal entries that felt like it kind of fell into place as I went along. I actually am using an excerpt of the post compo version I did for Chips Compo, the full version which I’ll be posting to my channel some time later this year. 

OHC 487 "Drivin' 'Round the Galaxy" - Space in a car = chiptune blues? Sure...and don’t forget the high whistle with plenty of vibrato. :P

OHC 488 "Glass Curiosity" - I’m really not good at doing “rave” or dance pieces, so I decided to just focus on making something that would kind of try to capture the feeling of “losing yourself” via drinking. I mean, it’s a really basic interpretation, but towards the end, I play around a ton with the tempo as well as the filters. 

OHC 491 "From the Earth" - Whenever we get nature or plant themes, I feel like I’ve always tried to make them happy and joyous. This time, I wanted to go for a more tranquil, calmer approach. With acoustic guitar, flute, piano and violin, everything started to fall into place from there.

OHC 492 "Cybernetic Rush Hour" - At this point, I realized that my own sounds were severely limiting me, particularly in the electric department. Chiptune sounds weren’t quite cutting it for me, so I ended up booting up Harmless and taking a couple presets from there. I only barely know how to use it, unfortunately. Maybe someday, I’ll learn. The piece only started working for me when I hit those running notes at the end, but by then, time was already running out. 

OHC 493 "Routine" - One of the first things I think of when I see a bunch of machines is “conformity” and sticking closely to regular tasks. So I tried to keep the notes as even as possible and then put in some vocals. Ironically, the “just don’t come out of the blue” line really does sound like it came out of the blue lol

OHC 494 "Iris Chase" - I remember playing this one Ludum Dare game that had a red eye similar to these pictures. You would play as a person trying not to die while trapped in a room with several other people. I think the eye would kill people based on a vote and if not it would just kill people randomly. Anyways, I wanted to go with this sort of idea - a sinister eye constantly searching for the kill. I tried to play it really weird with slow pitch LFO, maybe some distortion, tritones, a gradually faster tempo. This was a lot of fun to make, and felt a bit different from what I normally was used to making, which in my opinion, was good. 

OHC 495 "Palace 9" - So I pretty much had my instrument set in mind once I saw the images - harps, violins, pizzicato strings, y’know, things that would be light and heavenly. Then I realized, I didn’t really have a good lead. Turns out, the oboe makes a great lead. Although now that I think of it, pitch bending it doesn’t sound that good haha.

OHC 496 "Paws on the Sidewalk" - Seeing fur made me automatically think of white fluffy dogs, so I decided I wanted to make a piece about taking a dog out for a walk on a pleasant sunny day. And yeah...started out with the first few notes you hear on the guitar, and just sort of went at it from there.

OHC 497 "But Only For a Moment" - I really wanted to do a ballroom dance piece for this one. Not only that, but the experience of sort of “having that first dance”, heart pumping in your chest, the pause of anticipation. Of course, it didn’t exactly turn out that way, but the idea was to set a “beautiful” scene cut short by time. How appropriate, given that this is OHC. Surprisingly, this did well in the compo. 

OHC 501 "IV Dream" - This was a weird OHC to come back to. I had never worked with a text theme before, so I was a bit taken aback here. There were so many interpretations I could go for. The one I felt the most comfortable with doing was an ocean/underwater track, but I wanted to go for something different but still water related. Then I remembered: just the week before, I was in the hospital (I burst my appendix, it infected my lower abdomen and I had to stay there for a week) and they put an IV in my hand for the antibiotics and hydration. As I was falling asleep there, I would recall the dripping sounds as the fluids made their way into my hand. I dunno, I guess that was kind of a weird approach to the theme: “I’m dreaming of flying through the sky but I’m actually just stuck here in the hospital”. Plus my voice got all messed up from the operation, so the vocals probably sound a lot worse than they normally do. :P

OHC 502 "Chipititis" - I missed making straight-up chiptune, so I made straight-up chiptune. That’s all, lol.

OHC 503 "Open Up" - I chose to go with the theme of “solitude” being a more positive theme, maybe focusing more on the calmness/meditative side of being alone and allowing yourself to be open and free in isolation. The pads in my soundfont set, as I discovered in this compo, actually work really nicely to set a fuller atmosphere. 

OHC 504 "Long Lost Reconnections" - In this compo, I tried to make a song based on a dream I had that felt real to me. Unfortunately, I ran out of time before I could fully develop the lyrics and the theme didn’t come across as well as I had hoped. 

OHC 505 "Confrontation" - Falling. How on earth are you supposed to portray this musically? I decided I would have to go with the basics: fast, descending chords. Then I hit a bass groove and decided it really needed a sax melody, so I put in that sax. By then, I decided that this piece would be about constantly falling with no end in sight, and having to come to those terms that eventually, you’ve got to land on something...right?

OHC 506 "Being Bold" - When I made this piece, I put in a definite end, and regretted it soon after hearing it in the listening party. Personally, it sounds so much better when the notes at the end don’t resolve, like in the “where does the hope go from here?” sort of way. 

OHC 509 "Forgetful Traveller" - Another one of those “hard to convey” themes. The chords had to be just right, conveying someone moving forward, but also kind of thinking that “maybe I should have gone back because I forgot something”. Well, I tried my best.

OHC 510 "Conflicting Voices in My Head" - imo this is easily one of the roughest of the vocal entries I’ve ever done. In the original compo version, I had a lot of trouble getting the vocals to be loud enough for people to actually hear them. Third time’s the charm, I hope. 

OHC 511 "Porcelain and Plastic" - I wanted to do a spooky, unsettling piece for this one, so I tried to make a piece about “feeling strange because you’re being watched by a bunch of old dolls in a dimly lit room and also, you might be turning into one of them”. 

OHC 512 "Rest in Victory" - Before I started the compo, I wanted to make a piece that would keep building up until it got to a sort of “grand finale”. So for this one, I tried to keep it simple, with the same set of chords repeating and just adding different layers as I went along. I had this crazy idea of putting in electric guitars and wasn’t really sure how these were going to work, but I think there’s some ideas in there that I kind of like. 

OHC 513 "Lullaby For a Needlessly Productive AllNighter" - I submitted this with a weird title because it was almost too long to be submitted properly (there’s a weird glitch on OHC where if you submit a title that is too long, it just glitches your piece out entirely). As for the piece itself, I wanted to make a lullaby that was kind of related to my own problems of wanting to stay up to constantly get stuff done. 

OHC 530 "Giants" - I missed out of OHC for several months due to one of my classes last term directly conflicting with the time that OHC ran. So I was pretty excited to return. Live entries are always more nervewracking, but they’re a little easier to set up, in a sense - plus, you get more control over the tempo and stuff. That being said, since they are done in one take, there’s a lot that can go wrong. I almost got this one down until I messed up on the last few notes, oops. 

OHC 531 "So Just (Let Me Be)" - The theme page originally showed “sjsj” as the theme, so most people started basing their pieces off this. It wasn’t until a few minutes in that the official theme was actually posted. Rather than starting a new piece entirely, I decided to just combine the two themes together. I tried to make several lines of the lyrics start with “S” and “J” then I ran out of time. 

OHC 532 "Melting Point" - When I saw the hot springs, it immediately made me think of the hot springs I went to in Japan last summer. It was one of my favourite experiences there. But yeah, I tried to grab a combination of instruments that would sort of capture the contrast between the hot and cold. Vibraphone for a bell-like sound, pizzicato strings for the forest setting, marimba for a warmer sound. Marimba worked surprisingly well for this theme, and I wasn’t the only one in the compo who thought this. 

OHC 533 "Hibernal Regret" - Didn’t really want to do a vocal entry, but I couldn’t help myself - this piece needed words, so I put them in. I tried to keep them short and simple rather than spending a huge chunk of the hour just trying to come up with meaningful lyrics. This allowed me time to process them properly and polish things up a little more. Never really thought I’d be combining winter and space, but hey, it was an interesting combination.

[sehunsmuabrows]

Superstar//Byun Baekhyun

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader 

Genre: ???angst??? 

Word count: 2,222 

Summary: You haven’t been back home since your career took off and a huge breakup. After traveling around the world, you return home to see that your ex boyfriend has achieved his dreams. 

I guess this is part one, it was supposed to be a one shot but it got too complicated 

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

You felt like hell trudging through the airport, hauling your heavy luggage with resentment. Your fifth cup of coffee only making you more on edge about the whole experience. Though you were partly glad knowing that this would be your last time traveling for a while. It had been years since you had been to your hometown, your parents made no effort to keep in contact with you as work got more demanding, other than to ask for money when they were tight on funds. So you decided that you didn’t need to go out of your way to spend time with them. The only reason you would have continued to visit home was no longer a part of the equation, so you dove into work without looking back.  

You finally arrived at the front of the airport, waiting for your ride to arrive at the front of the terminal. Your work friend, Areum, had promised to pick you up from the airport and let you stay at her place, seeing as you hadn’t found a place in Seoul yet. You perked up when you saw her bright red buggie roll to the curb in front of you. “Hey there Ms. Y/N, how was your flight?” Areum piped after getting out of her car and rushing to help you with your bags, energetic as ever. You tried to shake any sign of irritation or fatigue from your mannerisms as you replied smiling brightly at her,  “It was a little rough, but I get to fly business class and that’s always a treat”. You plopped into the front seat, groaning as if you had completely forgotten what it was like to sit in a chair.  

The ride to Areum’s apartment was quiet, as it was far too early in the morning to engage in a deep conversation. And as chatty as Areum is, she was aware that you were far too tired to entertain her. You watched out of the window as you passed the distantly familiar buildings. Seeing the city left an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach as you remembered the memories you made. All of the feelings and memories you had supressed while traveling the world started to drip back into your mind. Baekhyun’s smiling face reappeared in your mind as you thought of everything you left behind. You couldn’t help but think of your ex whenever you thought of seoul, and now you were here, completely and totally surrounded by it. You ran out of time to brood over your past when the car stopped in front of the apartment, it seemed like your body was running ahead of your mind as you glided through Areum’s apartment. She finally showed you to the room that you would be staying in and left you to unpack. As soon as she shut the door behind her, you collapsed onto the soft bed, falling asleep upon impact.

The next month or so was good and uneventful, you begun to a class at a nearby university and the pay was good, so you had no complaints. It wasn’t hard to find a new gig, as you had become well known for your sociology lectures and notorious among students for being a bit rigid. Your friendship with Areum had gotten stronger, you had even stopped referring to her as a “work friend”, and moved to considering her a regular friend. She had begun to try to get you to go to activities with her instead of just watching movies in her apartment, even trying to set you up with her guy friends. One day, she burst into your room with more energy than she had ever shown before, and that was saying something. She began thrashing around on the ground smiling and yelling words that you couldn’t quite make out. You didn’t have very much of a reaction to this type of behavior from her anymore, seeing as she has a tendency to get over excited. The happiness tantrum lasted about 5 minutes before she finally calmed down and explained what her episode was about. “I just got us tickets to see exo tomorrow! Front row and everything, my cousin gave them to me because she has a surgery that day, it’s sad but another man’s misfortune is another man’s miracle” she blurted out, jumping around like a madman. Seeing that you were overwhelmed by her enthusiasm, Areum stopped jumping and tried to level herself to your even temperament as she showed you the tickets.  

“First of all, you know that really isn’t my scene, screaming girls and loud bass isn’t really my ideal afternoon. Second of all, I have work.” You said, handing the tickets back to her. She huffed loudly, visibly frustrated by your refusal.

“I know you don’t really listen to music, but you have to get out there. It could help you with your lectures, it wouldn't hurt to loosen up just a little, don’t think I haven’t noticed how depressed you’ve been since you got here” She spit back, pushing the tickets back into your hand. “ Also, i checked your schedule and you don’t have any lectures or meetings that day, we’re going.” She said, leaving the room before you could say anything back. As usual, you were too exhausted to fight back and ended up following her plans. The rest of the night was spent planning outfits for the concert. Apparently, we needed to camp out at the venue several hours early so we decided to go for more comfortable clothing. Unfortunately you only owned business attire and pajamas, meaning you had to borrow Areum’s clothes. You ended up wearing baggy sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt with the word  “CHEN” on it, which you assumed must be the name of someone in the group. The clothes were too big, as areum was significantly taller than you. Areum was wearing an identical sweatshirt with the name “SUHO”, which she was showing of proudly in the morning of the concert.  

You arrived at the venue several hours in advance, quickly jumping in line behind a group of girls who seemed as if they had slept there. It took you almost an hour of awkward second glances from girls in the line to realize that many of  them were in your class at the University nearby. You felt both embarrassed and confused when you heard one of the girls in front of you whisper to her friend “Dude look, my sociology professor is a Jongdae stan”. Areum was extremely entertained upon hearing the not-so-quiet exchange, explaining that Jongdae was the real name of the man whose stage name you had stamped on your shirt.  

The hours passed by slowly, as the line got longer and longer, you got more and more anxious. You considered, that if there was this much excitement for a performance, then it must be worth it. By the time the venue started letting people in, your legs were aching, you were leaning onto Areum for support. However, in contrast to you, Areum didn’t seem to be tired at all, though she was on edge waiting for the ticket scanner to get to the two of you. Once you both passed through into the venue, she grabbed your arm and started to drag you to the merchandise line to get lightsticks and banners. You managed to make it to the station before a long line accumulated, just standing behind a couple other people. The girl directly in front of you was tall and muscular, blocking your view of the merchandise table completely. Areum was annoyed by this and asked her to move over to the side so she could browse. You could only see the back of her jersey, which read the single word that had haunted and tormented you for years, Byun Baekhyun. You were instantly stunned after reading the word, your mind raced so fast that you barely noticed the lightstick being stuck into your hand. You followed areum to your spot in front of the stage. You looked around, noticing for the first time that the same word was plastered everywhere in the arena. Girls wearing it proudly across their chests, waving it in the air like flag, and painted across their face. Your mind finally flooded with thoughts of him, the way he sung to you when you couldn't sleep, the way his face scrunched up when you tried to flirt with him, the way he bragged about you to his friends. Your love was strong and didn’t seem like anything could go wrong, until your career got more demanding and Baekhyun got closer to debut. You started spending less and less time with him, you started earning more money and he was only a trainee at an entertainment company, you started to get distant and he was feeling neglected. Which is why you couldn't even bring yourself to cry when you found your sister’s bra in his bedroom, and he had no explanation. You blamed yourself for the relationship crumbling, no matter what your friends or your own teaching curriculum told you about crumbling relationships, you always felt responsible. You never even found the strength to confront your sister about Baekhyun in person, it always ended up in a series of drunk emails.

Areum noticed your loss of focus and tried to see what was wrong, but the lights had already dimmed and the crowd was deafeningly loud, so you just shrugged her off, promising to explain after the concert. Music started to play loudly, your heart started to pound hard as you anticipated the group’s approach, you hoped that you were mistaken, and it was actually a different Byun Baekhyun, so that you wouldn’t have to watch your ex boyfriend live out his glorious dream from the front row. It wasn't like the score was even either, showing up to your ex girlfriends lecture about class conflict and inequalities would be alot less dramatic than this.

The music got louder, as did the screams, when 9 men emerged from the bottom of the stage, swiftly beginning their first song. All hope was gone when the first line was sung, you would recognize his voice anywhere. The silky sound of his voice invaded your ears swiftly, entrancing you just as it always had. Thankfully, the group was still far enough upstage to be a sizeable distance from you, with any luck, you could get out of the concert without him seeing you. You couldn't help but enjoy the performance, if you hadn't been so caught up with Baekhyun’s presence, you may have even payed attention to all of the members. They had made it through half of their set before they came up stage and sang a ballad. You realized that this could possibly mean trouble, so you stood a little behind Areum for protection. She quickly noticed your actions and shoved you back forward to your previous spot, telling you to not be scared. Of course she knew nothing of your previous relationship, and probably wouldn’t believe you if you tried to tell her, so you didn't blame her for thinking you were just being timid.

You cursed yourself for not wearing a hat earlier in the morning, as it would’ve been a convenient device to hide your face in this situation. A member with the name KAI stamped onto the back of his jersey was closest to you, he had squat down to touch fans’ hands and wave. He slowly made his way to you and Areum, his smile was dazzling as he looked at the both of you, until he looked at you a little closer, causing his smile to falter, his face to express a bit of shock while trying to maintain a smile. The realization set in that Baekhyun might have shown his members a picture of me by chance-- or Kai took one of my classes-- i desperately hoped for the latter. He quickly moved on from you and Areum, standing up and joining the other members in throwing plushies at each other across stage. It was then you resumed your focus on Baekhyun, he took Kai’s place and started greeting fans as he sung, he got closer and closer to you slowly. You tried to figure out a way to hide and make it seem normal to the other fans in the crowd. Once again, you tried to hide behind Areum,that strategy was just as successful as it was the first time, as you were launched to the front once again, you felt the presence that you dreaded the most. You looked up to see the very face that you tried to forget for 4 years staring back at you, unwavering and full of emotion. You saw many things in his eyes that night, too many things to decipher. The look in his eyes was all it took for you to push your way out of the crowd, desperately looking for a way out of the arena. Throughout the years without him, you tried to forget him and move on to someone new, you thought that if you saw him again then all the feelings would be gone, wondering if it was ever love at all. But you were wrong, it would never go away. 

Next

[thechampagnelovers]

Oh I totally feel you on HP. My mom used to read it to us and then I read the books myself when I was a bit older... Even if I always knew it was fiction I couldn‘t help but cry on my 11th birthday. And now I am 22. How time flies?? Ohhh and re-read! But take time for it, personally I always forget what a real escape from reality the books truly are. You totally emerge into a different world, if that makes sense. I started last year with books 1-3 and got stuck on 4 because of uni but it‘s like the fifth re-read so I wasn‘t that determined to finish, buttt I will set a goal to finish them until december 2021. 💪🏾

That‘s so cool how did you make uni friends or even people you talk to from uni in the pandemic? With us the meetings we get into are always super anonymous and everybody hates putting on their camera and barely anybody speaks except for the professor. It‘s really cold and clinic I couldn‘t imagine making friends under these circumstances. How was it for you? I definitely love and also prefer going to classes for... multiple reasons!

Yeah I can definitely see what you mean with the voice over! That is actually a pretty cool mental image. I agree that Tightrope is one of the best songs Zayn made so far. I had never heard Syd’s voice before but it’s beautiful isn’t it? I really enjoyed her voice, which is unusual for me, I am really picky with voices. Glad we both enjoyed the album. ☺️

Okay listen... Little Things and I, we have a love-hate relationship. I remember loving the fandom hype around it and the „you sing“ and the way it was the song we supported Niall with that always made me so happy. I don‘t know what I blogged/said about it before when I was younger but now, when it comes on, I let it play respectfully, ignore it, sing „you sing“ and then... move on hahahaha. I understand peoples rage at it, but it makes me too nostalgic. She is like a friend that just doesn‘t fit with you anymore and what you see/hear from them now is nothing you‘d ever surround yourself with, but because of those memories you just can‘t bring yourself to hate them, you know? I don‘t really have any hate songs like that, but there are some which I don‘t skip, but I just... you know? There are no words for that empty feeling ahsks. How was your weekend? How will your week be? I still have uni this week but it is a lot less stressful so I hope I will be able to pop in more often and talk/catch up/interact with youuu. x

i also cried on my 11th bday skdkslkd i love just how much we have in common, if i reread the books i think i will blog about it, just to annoy everyone sdkfklsd and we can share our thoughts! rn im reading a great book (not the other one from last time, a new one) its called the knitting circle and its so depressing but beautiful sdjklds completely opposite from hp

okay it really was a combination of factors: i already knew a couple people in the class, one or two people i already had classes with and there was a friend of my ex sjdjks and the same thing for the rest of the group. second thing: it was a creative writing class, so we all shared thoughts and ideas and thats how we built something so cool. and third: i think it was just luck that we all liked each other and had fun. i miss going to classes too, but if you find a cool group of people it can be super fun to have online classes too.

nil is just so so so good, zayn really did something so cozy and personal and warm, its totally a comfort album, a quarantine album. 

i looove your respect to it! tbh i kinda have to respect it too because it really was an iconic fandom moment only og stans can relate too but at the same time im so deeply traumatized by that song dkjjfksjkfs i just cant listen to it, i skip songs from time to time if im not in the mood for them but that song is probably the only exception to that, i just never listen to it. i would probably only listen to that song in a live concert, like if niall sings it (i know liam does all the time but tbh if im going to put myself through that, niall is the only one i can trust)

my weekend was weird, so so so weird. yesterday i spent all the day at the beach and it was great, i read my book, swam in the ocean, tanned and the weather was beautiful. i went to bed like at 2 am and woke up at 4 am with the worst period cramps, just like the last time :/ thank god i had ibuprofen this time, but i didnt sleep much after that. but yeah, i was in pain for a while and i got a little nauseous, but i was much better than the last time. my mom wants to take me to her gynecologist to check it out, and she says i should go back to take the pill and she’s right, im just. so lazy but i also hate this sm, its also really fucking up with my mood and ive been crying a lot today (although that part is not really that bad bc i struggle with crying and its good to cry from time to time lol, its the moon in scorpio what can i say)

[hopeishappinessff]

Chapter 35

Rolling over onto my side, I squinted at the beaming neon numbers on my alarm clock and after yawning and stretching wide, I smiled broadly and pushed myself into an upright position… today, was my birthday. I woke up nearly twenty minutes earlier than usual, so I spoiled myself by snuggling in my bed and flipping on the television to pass time. Around seven am., I finally climbed out of bed and moseyed over to my bathroom to complete my morning tasks. Within twenty minutes, I was out of the shower and making my way back into my room with a towel wrapped snuggly around my frame. Before I could reach my closet, a large white bag perched beside a shoe box near the closet entrance caught my eye. A slight rush of panic surged through me as I peeked around my room then slowly approached the randomly placed objects. Hesitantly, I reached down into the bag and I could feel soft material against the tips of my fingers.

Minutes later I’d pulled an entire mystery outfit from the bag and a matching pair of shoes from the shoebox. I grinned at the sight of the adorable getup, though I had no clue where it came from. Rushing back to the bathroom, I quickly released my golden tresses from the holder then fluffed it to make each necessary piece fall perfectly around my face. I only slowed down long enough to paint my face with a thin layer of foundation, followed by a natural contour, a pop of bronzer for a nice glow, 3D fiber mascara, and a neutral pink gloss to accentuate my lips. Moving back into my room, I rid myself of the plush towel and swiftly dressed in the entire outfit from the bag that consisted of khaki skinnies, a black hoodie that read ‘Beauty’ in bold white letters, and a fresh pair of red, black and white Nike Air Jordan IV’s. I completed the look by tying a red bandana neatly in my hair just behind my curly bangs, allowing the ends to remain open at the top to form bunny ears. I faced myself in the mirror and fluffed my loose curly tresses once more and without wasting anymore time, I scooped up my black studded back pack and exited my room.

The moment my foot crossed the threshold into the kitchen, my aunt instantly bombarded me with a spoon she’d been using to stir grits in one hand. “Awww, look at my baby… Happy Birthday sweetheart!” She squealed as she bobbed up and down in front of me to a Charlie Wilson song that played from her iPod dock. I giggled at her overabundance of energy and marched toward the table to claim a seat. “Thanks Auntie.” I muttered bashfully. “You’re welcome baby… oh you just look so adorable!” She gushed, making her way to the kitchen entrance where she stuck her head out into the hall. She swung back around to face me with a beaming grin and soon, a towering frame entered the space just feet behind her.

“Happy Birthday Sy.” Chris greeted as he eased closer to me and pulled me up into a warm bear hug. I shut my eyes as we embraced and inhaled his addictive scent, wishing that he could hold me that close forever. My fantasy was over the moment he stepped back and it was then that I took the opportunity to take in his ensemble. He was dressed in a sagging pair of fitted khaki’s, a black hoodie that looked remarkably similar to my own only his read ‘Beast’ in bold white letters, and his red, black and white Nike Air Jordan IV’s were an exact replica of mine. He complimented the entire look with a red snapback that he wore angled forward and straight in its usual manner.

“I like your outfit.” I smirked. He smiled as he bit into his bottom lip and allowed his eyes to roam freely over my frame “I like yours too.” “I bet you do,” My aunt blurted as she eyed us through curious eyes with a brow raised and a hand jammed against her hip, “He put both of your outfits together. Coming over here begging me to tell him what size clothes and shoes you wear. I swear you two are something else.” Glancing down at my outfit, I quickly realized that we were indeed matching to a T. From his red hat that was obviously meant to be a male’s interpretation of my red bandana, to the identical hoodies that made me the ‘Beauty’ to his ‘Beast’. I could only giggle at the concept… I had no idea he’d be thoughtful enough to put this together.

“Thank you Chris. This is absolutely adorable.” I beamed. “I was hoping you would like it.” He smirked. “Oh you two are just the cutest,” My aunt gushed, clapping her hands together as she bounced in place, “Let Auntie go get her camera and get a few shots before ya’ll go stuntin on them lil haters at your school.” With now matching blank expressions, Chris and I both stared at one another before bursting into a fit of laughter as she darted of the kitchen. She soon rushed back in with her camera on and ready to go, and nearly an entire photoshoot later she finally allowed us to make our way out the door.

“Alright my gorgeous young lady and handsome young man, you two have a good day at school. And Happy Birthday to you again baby… we’ll give you all your gifts and everything as soon as you get home.” My aunt called out behind us as we ventured down the few steps from the porch toward Chris’s truck. “Alright Auntie. You have a good day.” “Ya’ll be careful out here on these roads. Chris…” The hazardous tone in her voice prompted him to turn to face her. “Yes ma’am.” “Drive slow in that big rig boy.” She said with a stern finger pointed out at him. “Yes ma’am… I will.” He chuckled.

--

“Happy Birthday to you… Happy Birthday to you… Happy Birthday dear Sy’Diyah… Happy Birthday to you!” With cheeks as red a rose and a smile a mile wide, I sat with my hands clamped over my mouth as nearly the entire cafeteria joined in to croon Happy Birthday to me. I shook my head as I watched each of my friends dance about wildly, diving immediately into a lovely ethnic rendition of the tune. “Happy Birthday to ya… Happy Birthday to ya… Happy Birthdaaaaaay…” The boys all twirled around behind me and I cackled aloud as Chris reached over my shoulders and grabbed my hands, throwing them up in the air and waving them from side to side as he continued to sing the song. After enduring the embarrassment for what felt like eternity, the song finally ended with him hitting a high note right in my ear and the cafeteria erupted into applause. Once everyone at the table finally reclaimed their seats, the chatter quickly began.

“This just in, Sy’Diyah Hope Donsen is finally a legally grown ass woman… how does it feel to be a legally grown ass woman Sy?” Rashad asked in a forged reporter’s voice as he playfully stuck his fist out in my face as though he were clutching a microphone. “Well,” I stared, going along with his goofiness, “It feels pretty great sir… it’s like, I feel like I’m finally progressing in life.” He chuckled and pulled his fist back away from me “Well, you heard it here first folks… now back to you at the studio Bob.” The table roared with laughter and Destani playfully punched him in the shoulder “You stupid Shad.”

“Real spill though Sy, your outfit is lit girl,” Tameka said from her seat beside Destani, “Chris yours too… damn, wait… ya’ll niggas match. Ya’ll know that?” Glancing over at Chris, I noticed that he’d already begun to shake his head and he glared at her through squinted eyes as the rest of the table laughed. “No Meka, I personally had no idea.” He said with a hand pressed against his chest. “Well just so you know,” She leaned forward and pointed from me to him, “Your outfits look exactly alike.” He nodded his head and continued to maintain a straight face “Thanks Meeks. I swear, we honestly didn’t know.” “Damn Meka, there you go with that slow shit again.” Destani muttered. “What?” She asked, completely oblivious.

“Anyway… what time does the game start tonight?” Nalay asked. “Seven… and we got that senior recognition thing at half time.” Chris replied. “Aw damn nigga, I forgot all about that. My mama showed me some paper about that shit and I smooth ain’t listen when she tried to explain to me what it was.” Dontay said. “Yeah, well… coach said we all have to attend that shit, so you better call ma dukes and tell her.” Chris stated as he popped a fry in his mouth. Lunch was soon over and as I got up to dispose of my trash, I couldn’t help but laugh as I listened to Dontay, Chris, and Rashad argue over who would walk me to my next class. I could only shake my head as Mike and BJ both slipped into place on either side of me.

“So since dumb, dumber, and dumb ass nigga can’t get it together over there, would you mind if two real gentlemen escort you to class Madam?” BJ asked, hooking his right arm with my left before I could even reply. Mike followed suit on my right and soon they both did indeed begin to walk me toward the main doors of the cafeteria. “Aye, hold the fuck up… where ya’ll going?” Chris yelled from behind us. I glanced back at him, blew him a quick kiss, and continued to walk out of the cafeteria with my newfound escorts.

--

The final bell of the day rang and I couldn’t have been more ecstatic. I was forced to endure the remainder of the day with sneers and stares from nearly every girl I encountered in the halls and my classes. It didn’t take long for news of my birthday to spread and once the idea of Chris and I sporting matching outfits got around, people quickly began to speculate. I was well on my way out into the student parking lot with Destani, but we were stopped midway by a very demanding Chris.

“Chris how you gonna drive her home when you have practice like, right now?” Destani argued, but with the dominant attitude that Chris possessed, I knew the argument was as good as done the moment he parted his lips to speak. “Dez, why don’t you walk to your car, I’ll walk to mine… and Sy’Diyah will walk with me.” His statement was simple and to the point and he never even turned to face her as he walked ahead of us. “Oooohhhh, this nigga get on my last damn nerve. Your yellow ass don’t run no damn body, come on Sy let’s go.” She said, stomping off toward her car. “Dez, wait,” I shouted as I caught up to her, “You know if you take me home, neither one of us will ever hear the end of it from him. You may as well just let him take me.”

She rolled her eyes and scoffed, throwing her hand down against her hip “Fine, if you wanna ride with him, whatever… I was just tryna do something nice for your ass.” I stared at her for only a few seconds before bursting into a fit of laughter. Her jaw instantly dropped and she glared at me “You would laugh.” “I’m sorry… I really do appreciate that Dez.” I said with a grin. With a smirk and a roll of her eyes, she stepped forward and swooped me into a hug “Well, I guess you should get on over there with your boo before he loses his damn mind.” “I’ll see you later okay.” I giggled. I turned and ambled away, finally reaching Chris and his truck and quickly climbing inside.

“You know you’re gonna be late for practice, right?” I asked as he whipped out of the parking lot. He nodded, never uttering a word as he continued to bob his head to his music. “And you’re okay with that?” I asked. “I’m good with that babe. What can Coach Wes really do to me? I’m the captain of the damn team… he can’t do shit but tell me not to be late again.” Deciding not to argue against him, I remained silent until we arrived at my house a short while later and I nearly choked on air as he parked along the curb outside the house.

Standing there in the driveway, leaning against the back of his truck, was Trey peering through Chris's windshield… directly at me. Panic instantly hit me like a ton of bricks and through the most horrified eyes, I slowly glanced at Chris. With an expression as hard as stone and as cold as ice, he glared at Trey. “Thanks for the ride Chris,” I nearly whispered with a hand situated on the handle of the door, more prepared than ever to bolt, “I’ll see you later okay.”

“Hold up,” He mumbled. I swore I could hear my heart thumping away in my ears and my breath quickly became jagged as I watched him lean across his seat, resting his right elbow on my arm rest, “You told this nigga to come over here?” I shook my head as I twiddled my fingers and attempted to look everywhere but at him. I knew Trey would pop up at some point in the day, I just wasn’t expecting him to be here… now. “I didn’t tell him to come over here. I had no idea…” He raised a finger to silence me and continued to stare out the window almost curiously at Trey. Motioning for me to lean forward, I did so hesitantly and awaited his next move. Diverting his gaze down to my lips, he abruptly meshed his lips against mine and thrust his arm rest up to give himself more leverage to lean in closer.

With my lips now parted to make way for his tongue, I was immediately caught off guard by the sensation of the metal ball in the center of his tongue as he slithered it along the edges of my own. Instinctively, I moaned and clutched onto the front of his matching hoodie as he snaked a hand around to the back of my neck. The sound of our lips smacking was enough to give me the urge to climb over into his lap, but I refrained from doing so as he gripped my neck gently and pulled me deeper into the kiss. Only seconds later did he pull away, tugging at my bottom lip as he slowly leaned back into his seat.

“You gone make me miss practice.” He mumbled, staring avidly at my lips. I could feel my cheeks blushing as I tucked my bottom lip between my teeth and shied away from him. He swiped his tongue over his lips and glanced out of the window behind me with that same stone expression. “Well I’ll um,” I started, pausing only to clear my throat and gather my rambled thoughts, “I guess I’ll see you later today.” He nodded and twisted his lips to one side with furrowed brows and eyed me carefully as I climbed down out of the truck. I moseyed slowly up the driveway toward Trey, refusing to look back as I listened to Chris speed off down the street.

“Hi Trey.” I mumbled once I was within earshot. He nodded only once, yet remained eerily silent. I prayed he wouldn’t speak within the following seconds… my blood pressure had risen so swiftly I was sure the steady thumping in my ears would prevent me from hearing a word he said. “Do you want to come in for a little while?” I asked. “Nah,” He replied quietly, “I actually have to be somewhere. I just wanted to come by and drop off your birthday present.” “Oh… okay.” I stared down at the ground as he walked around to the passenger side of his truck. He reemerged before me with a large bouquet of red, white, and pinks roses and a small, red gift bag.

Not a single word was spoken as he handed me the bag and flowers then slowly began to retreat backwards to the driver’s side of his truck “Happy Birthday Sy’Diyah and um… I’ll try to call you tomorrow to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day alright.” Before I knew it, he’d climbed into his truck and reversed out of my driveway, leaving me standing and staring like a fool. I released a remorseful sigh and glanced down at the flowers and gift bag he left me. I couldn’t believe what’d just panned out in the span of a few minutes. I felt utterly ashamed at what I’d just done and I wanted nothing more than to race up to my room and curl up in a ball and cry.

Suddenly feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, I turned and headed up the porch and into the house. I marched directly to my room and situated the roses on my dresser then sat at the edge of the bed with the gift bag still dangling in my hand. As much as I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to wipe the image of Trey’s humiliated and disappointed face from my mind. I gulped nervously as I pulled the bag open and reached in, retrieving a small jewelry box. The moment I cracked the box open, I gasped and slapped a hand over my mouth as I stared through watery eyes at the diamond encrusted heart shaped ring resting in a small velvet indention.

I plucked it from the confines of the box and twirled it between my fingers, becoming so enthralled by it that I nearly overlooked the card in the bottom of the bag. I reached a trembling hand inside and pulled the card out then popped the seal of the envelope open and slid the card out, instantly admiring Trey’s beautifully printed scripture...

A few months ago, God placed a very special girl in my life. She came into my world and flipped the entire classic fairytale of a prince sweeping the princess off her feet into her very own tale. It was she who swept the prince off his feet, so much so that he became permanently stuck not on cloud nine, but a cloud of infinity. This girl, wasn’t in any way equivalent to any girl that the prince had ever come across… she was much, much more. If you haven’t figured it out by now, this girl, the beautiful princess that blew the prince’s mind into complete oblivion, just happens to be you… Sy’Diyah Hope Donsen. I know that what I feel with you isn’t like anything I’ve ever felt with anyone in my life Sy. I know that if any man was as lucky as me to have you in his life, he wouldn’t dare let you go. Let me be that lucky man to hold onto you… let me make you mine. The ring that you’ve probably already seen by now is meant to show you how much I care for you. No, I’m not proposing to you or trying to bribe you with jewelry… it’s merely a promise ring. It’s my depiction of a promise to you that if you allow me to sweep you off your feet, I’ll never put you down again. I hope that you have a wonderful birthday, even though I won’t be there to share it with you.

With much love, From your, hopefully soon to be, man… Trey xoxoxo

The tears streamed freely down my cheeks and I had not a single desire to stop them. What had I done? This wasn't right at all. It was completely wrong. He wasn’t supposed to possess such strong feelings for me. I wasn’t supposed to be torn between him and Chris. What was I supposed to do? I closed the card and slid it back into the confines of the envelope then stuffed it along with the ring box back into the bag. I’d become numb to any feelings of happiness and pleasure and after placing the bag on the floor beside my bed, I moved further up near the headboard and grabbed a pillow to stuff my face into and eventually cried myself to sleep.

[chickenfetus]

HI!!! i like to request ALL of the flowery asks! btw i LOVE ur blog and maybe u????? idk 🌸🌸 (jk i love u alot)

who is this????????/ under cut bc i get rambly 

azalea: what’s one word that describes you?

lame lmao

baby’s breath: what did you want to be when you were a kid?

honestly? my answer’s like yours jen because i wanted to be an astronaut but also a vet and then a few years later i wanted to be something else of a whole different profession but now i know what reality is like and i have no clue what i wanna be whoops

begonia: are you a messy or clean person?

i hate seeing my desk/workspace be messy but i cant bring myself to clean it up either???? bc im lazy 

bleeding heart: has your heart ever been broken?

hMMMMm mmm idk i dont think so

bluebell: do you drink tea or coffee?

i drink tea more than i drink coffee but i drink water more than i drink tea i drink water like. everyday lmao obviously but i drink a lot of water its my brand now

buttercup: what are five things that make you apologetically happy?

what does this mean why is the word apologetically there i cancelled it lmao no negativity in this house

my favorite people (u know who + my friends)

when people answer my anon asks and . they respond with a long reply/seem really happy responding thats my fav fam

this is getting real anime but when i get an UR/4* from scouting 

finding an anime/manga/book that perfectly suits my taste

im very tempted to just say water bc idk what else 2 say 

calla: what’s your favorite book?

ive only read 3 whole books this year but i recommend all of them 

challenger deep - neal shusterman (i could go on about this book for days honestly its so interesting and even though its told by the same person it has two kind of perspectives because there are two settings, that didnt make sense but this book is my new favorite)

see you in the cosmos - jack cheng (i love this one too because its just so warm? made me a little emo but its really good and i love how unique it is, text type wise)

a monster calls - patrick ness (this was something i heard from my school first so i didnt know if i really wanted to get it but its actually pretty good?) 

carnation: what are your five most played songs?

i cant really check using the music app bc i added the songs at different timings so itll be inaccurate ill just do most played song from each band/group

again - astro (this is their best song dont @ me)

letting go - day6

all in/stuck - monsta x

death by a strawberry - dance gavin dance

check yes juliet - we the kings

chrysanthemum: what are you afraid of?

i may not b a child but im still afraid of the dark bc my imagination is wild im also afraid of bugs and disappointing others nice oh shit im also afraid of asking for things

daffodil: what’s your astrological sign?

capricorn 

dahlia: what’s your favorite band?

this question was made for me its day6

daisy: which ‘friends’ character do you relate to the most?

ive never watched friends 

dandelion: are you an extrovert or an introvert?

in between!!!!!

geranium: how has your day been?

its been good!!! i managed to ask my mum 2 take me to hair place so i can get it cut finally and im working on updating my tumblr pages and doing all my tags

hydrangea: what’s your dream job?

pass

iris: who’s your celebrity crush?

pass

lavender: what’s one of the best gifts you’ve ever received?

oH FUCK FAM my friends got me a kermit toy for my birthday i lvoe it 2 dEATH

lily: what’s something you’ve achieved that you’re really proud of?

i got first in my class once wow amazing that was 2 years ago i wish i was as good as the me from 2 years ago 

marigold: what would you like to do more of, but don’t ?

well i want 2 b more hardworking but guess thats too late

morning glory: are you an early bird or a night owl?

now that school is over and i have no reason to wake up early ive become neither which is saddening because... i like waking up at 7am on weekends and doing things early but now i wake up at like 9-10am and i still sleep at 11pm  

orchid: what’s the last movie you saw?

i really dont remember?? maybe uh guardians of the galaxy?? i dont remember who i watched it with and when but it was good actually i remember who i watched it with nvm 

pansy: do you believe in love at first sight?

i dont really believe in romantic love anymore 

peony: what does your url mean?

chicken fetus means an egg

periwinkle: what are you thankful for?

god get ready folks im gonna go on my biggest boxy rant ever...

so boxy is my friend who ive been mutuals for over a year and our first common interest is love live and haikyuu so we had that to talk about but im bad at keeping conversations with ppl on tumblr so that ended quickly but earlier this year or late last year i made a twitter and told people on here about it and she followed me and i didnt really mind/pay attention to the stuff she posted/rted uNTIL. until that fateful day... june 25th... at like 8pm? she rted a pic of mister brian kang with dumb minion glasses on and ok maybe i do believe in love at first sight? bc wow!!!!! whos this dumbass with minion glasses and the fluffiest hair ??? so i slide into boxy’s dm.. expecting an explanation and she gives me a good one saying how brians from a band (i would later find out), day6 and im not a fan of kpop, never have been.. ive only watched like some kpop mvs bc i love my friends so i expect myself to listen to them and get over them as soon as im done. boxy my friend, bless HER she sends me all of their mvs from congratulations to i smile and i watch the first one - i smile and me? i start smiling and i can feel myself getting excited because holy fuck theyre a band! they play fucking instruments??? and at this point im already whipped then i move onto how can i say and that shit blew my mind let me tell you.. so because of boxy... i get to where i am now, proudly stanning 3 groups and if it were not for her i wouldve never gotten into mx as well... boxy is just?? really important to me her impact is just that great?? so im super!! sUPER thankful for her and i dont think she’ll ever see this but boxy i love u thank u so much!! boxy gave me more than one reason to live, and not just exist?? without her i wouldve never been able to make so many (like 2 but hEY) new friends and this probably got so long idk im just really thankful for boxy thank u lord for blessing us with boxy (@/youngkwhom on twitter) (kittenma on tumblr) i hope shes happy forever and i also hope she has good days for the rest of her life?? boxy deserves it i lvoe u boxy

petunia: where were you ten years ago?

10 years ago i was like 6 probably watching pokemon or some shit and getting glasses

poinsettia: where would you like to be in ten years?

dead thanks

poppy: what’s your online persona?

i dont understad the meaning of persona but an egg?????? 

rose: who’s the last person you spent quality time with?

all my classmates in an exam hall for 2 hours, quality time indeed

snapdragon: what are your goals?

pass

sunflower: what’s your favorite quote?

i think i had one before but i forgot so maybe it wasnt my favourite lol idk i dont have one now

tulip: if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

for all of my favourite people to be happy forever

a good future

i want astro, mx and day6 to get an award for all of their hardwork thanks

violet: what’s one thing most people don’t know about you?

i was gonna say smth negative but lets not hm m m i? ?? ill put smth irl ppl probably dont know either uh hhh i guess?? that i eat a lot?? but also get full really quickly but then really hungry right after that idk thanks digestion

zinnia: do you believe in magic?

no ????/ idk is there any evidence that magic exists 

JEN !!! thank u so much for asking even tho u probably asked just to get back at me but this was still fun ask memes will never get boring bro,. i love u and i hope u have a good evening also i love ur blog too moon anon probably already told u

to anyone who actually bothered reading through this mess - thank you and i hope you have a good day/night too!!

[iloveshippingkitty]

Prinxiety - Camisado

Okay so this is inspired by the P!ATD song of the same name Human College AU

Trigger Warning: ABUSE (PARENTAL ABUSE OF CHILD), HOSPITALS, BLOOD, BEING PHYSICALLY SICK

IF ANY OF THOSE WILL UPSET OR TRIGGER YOU DON'T READ PLEASE

The IV and your hospital bed, this was no accident, this was a therapeutic chain of events. -

Roman sat by his grandmother talking to her, she had had a fall but was okay. Only a twisted ankle but she was old enough that they made sure she was okay with each fall.

His grandmother, Julie, was great company and they talked about college.

“How is your thesis going, Prince? Good?” Julie asked and Roman nodded, the nickname he wore like a badge came from his grandma distracted from the actual question, “Is that a lie?”

“Yes.. I have slept 4 hours in 2 days.”

“I wish you’d get more. But when does your thesis have to be in?”

“Two weeks.” “You’ll be around for Pumpkin Pie after and then we can have your special hot chocolate.” Julie said. This wasn’t a request.

“Yes I will.” He confirmed thinking fondly on special hot chocolate (hot chocolate with Magic Stars and whiskey in to help him sleep). Then he saw someone get rushed down the hall on a gurney, a guy he thought he knew.

“Anyway, Prince, how’s that friend of yours?” Julie decided to distract a morbidly curious Roman from checking out whoever it was.

“Which, grandma? I do have more than one.” Roman looked back at her with a slight snark to his look, knowing exactly what she was doing and not quite minding but in her hastiness had been vague.

“You know, that Jason boy.”

“You know that isn’t his actual name don’t you? It’s a nickname to do with Heathers.” Prince laughed. Someone regularly nicknamed as Anxiety (and not so often nicknamed JD/Jason from Heathers) was what he would class as frenemy in his college. They had a thing for competing to be heard when they had opposing opinions which what he later found out was quite a surprise to other people. They had only ever known Anxiety to be fairly quiet but with a quick wit. Roman liked that he made Anxiety come out of himself a bit more even if it annoyed him that the guy went on an entire rant of why optimism was ‘dangerous’. And annoyed him even more that he caught and called Roman out on the fact he was looking at him a lot and blushing during an argument. Not like he liked him like that. No. Not at all.

“Oh, what is his name then, sweetheart?”

“… Actually I don’t know. We all call him Anx for Anxiety.” He responds to which Julie gives him a pointed look, “What? We don’t know his name. It’s what he introduces himself as. He really sets himself up for pessimism. You know what he said in a debate against me the other day? That optimism is ‘dangerous’. I mean can you believe it. He has so much he could feel good about. People would kill for hair like his. He’s born with a talent for picking up stuff, he’s witty, people don’t dislike him by any means and he’d have more friends if he only spoke a little more.” 

Julie’s pointed look intensifies but as he doesn’t notice she realises the poor Roman must have quite the crush. Unaware to his own ranting and her attitude, she laughed.

That’s when he finally looked at her, “He’s right you know, Prince. Optimism, while definitely necessary, can be dangerous. You don’t know his home life, sweetheart. You were incredibly lucky to be born into a family that you never even had to come out to, that we’ve all been lucky enough to not struggle through losses and diseases more than our family can take. And even when my Alan died, rest his soul, he died quickly and peacefully. And I know you know that but I think you sometimes forget that not everyone will have all those things. His family may not be nice, he may be or have been ill. Felt loss to such an extent that it takes his initial optimism and crushes it. Because sometimes life does that to people.” 

Roman had known his fair share of difficulties but a great support network he had always been lucky to have. He had not thought of those things before and his heart went out to Anxiety, suddenly curious to know his actual name …also whereabouts to see if he was okay.

The distraction although slightly upsetting to Roman had worked ….up until the screaming started.

Down the corridor, 4 doors down across from them, loud screaming started instantaneously, echoing.

A code and a name was said over the tannoy and more professionals made their way into the room and sitting up straight, he gave a wide-eyed look to Julie. Julie, knowing his chivalrous side had felt the call to someone so distraught and wanted to fix it. That’s all he wanted to do. She put a soft hand on his and knowing what it meant he sat back more relaxed, even if a little forced.

A minute or so later the screaming stops and a further 5 minutes after that Julie nudged him to urge him to go see who it was. The look she gave he knew he was to follow the rules of “be quick, non-intrusive and at least attempt to keep to himself”. Quietly he gave her a soft smile and walked away down the corridor to look through the door window. There sat a half-laying, shaken, head over a disposable sick-bowl was undoubtedly Anxiety. Roman had seen him earlier that day, he swore he could feel his heart breaking as he realised it had been him screaming.

He nearly walked in then remembered how worried his grandma would be if he didn’t go back and tell her why he was going to be a while so off he headed back.

“It’s Anxiety, grandma, he’s here. He was the one screaming. I have to make sure he’s okay.” He quickly told her and with a nod each he headed back then knocked on the door, wanting to enter but not wanting to intrude.

Anxiety looks up and it takes a moment for Roman to recognise him. His face is swollen on one side, he’s bleeding a lot from a few different cuts and his fear is evident upon his face until he recognises the knocker. Then he lets tears fall and indicates him to come in.

“Suppose there’s no hiding this is there.” Anxiety groans, his words slurred. Then he realises the tears are of shame. Whatever has happened to Anxiety, it happens to him on a regular basis. Enough that rather than his worry being about his own health, he worries that Roman will tell the others almost like he’d tell them and.laugh. To that Roman’s heart drops into his stomach.

“No, Anx. No there’s not.” He replies solemnly. There’s something about Roman’s tone that makes Anx look up. He can tell even without his saying so that Roman won’t tell people, there was just no more hiding it from him. This was backed up by him asking, “How? Who? What? Why? When? Where? …. Okay, no.. I’m back with my brain. Who did this and where can I find and vanquish them?”

“Okay, I don’t think anyone has used the word vanquish since the 19th Century.” Anxiety barked out a laugh seeped with pain then continued, “It’s pretty obvious how, if it’s not evident I got beat to a pulp with anything in reach I think he’d take a second stab at it. As for why, it’s because he had a ‘woman of the night’ around which I obviously knew nothing of and so when I showed up at home he wanted to teach me a lesson. Which is ironic considering he’s beat me for going to college too so there seems to be no end to the madness. But honestly? I think it’s cos when mum died my dad had had nothing to do with us and would rather it had stayed that way. Now that I know what he’s like, me too.”

Prince felt figuratively sick to his stomach. Anxiety was literally sick.

The initial worry for Anxiety had not only been correct but the reality of it all was far worse. He wanted to hold the poor guy until everything was okay again. But he couldn’t. He felt helpless. Then with a moment of maturity he realised there was no point worrying how he could be of help without asking Anxiety exactly what he needed.

This is when Anxiety’s face conveyed only horror and he shifted back whilst sat in the bed. It made him look more like a terrified child than a worried young man.

“What’s up?”

“He doesn’t know where I am, does he?” He finally uttered.

Prince gawped like a fish.

“He does, he does. He’s going to come up and finish me off. Please Roman. Keep me safe.” Anxiety grasps his hand and stares him in the eyes.

While trying to calm him down, a nurse walks in, looks over them and walks to another patient. Roman can feel his skin crawl from the look but he can’t tell if the nurse is judging them or is analysing Anx. Both make him feel uneasy.

Brushing his thumb on the top of Anxiety’s hand seems to help him feel calmer. Then the nurse finishes with a patient and the day collapses in on itself.

“Due to your medical insurance running out, you are going to be transferred. Expect your bill within 30 days.” They say apathetically.

Roman can’t help himself.

“WHAT?!” He shouts. To which Anxiety tenses and he realises what he’s done wrong and turns to him.and apologises, “I’m sorry. I won’t be loud again.”

“It’s fine, I want to shout too. But my ribs are broken, thanks dad, and I don’t know how much damage it will do.” Anx smiles softly then adds, “so quoting Professor Lin, ‘indoor voices please’.“

They quietly laugh at that. They turn to find the nurse having left. The worry seeped from Anx and he gave Roman’s hand a small squeeze. At that he looked back at Anxiety meeting each others eyes. He could drown and stay stuck in his amber eyes.

“So…”

“I can’t afford another hospital bill.”

Roman thought on it all a moment, “…Mum’s a surgery GP so if you want you can stay at mine until we can find you an apartment.”

“You mean till I feel better?”

“…No. Not really. I mean, until you get an apartment. I’m not letting that guy back into your life.” Roman said, knowingly.

“I wouldn’t want to take your space,” replies Anxiety, looking at their hands instead.

“You wouldn’t.” He defends then pauses and thinks about how and why he may feel like that, “I mean if you feel like that we can find elsewhere or a friend is moving out the flatshare so you could always join. If you want?”

“Really? You wouldn’t hate it?”

“Hate it? I’d love it, Anx.”

With that, Roman tries to help him up. Unfortunately with the hospital gown it shows all the scars on his back, arms and legs. His heart went out to Anx and he tried his best to be gentle. As Anx tried to stand he could feel the pain radiating over his ribs and his mind flew back to his dad. The big bald man standing over him, surrounded by glass, in the fetal position, with his big boots stomping on the side of his torso. Again. And again. And again.

“Anx?” Prince asked softly. Half way up Anx had stopped in a daze. Then flinched a few times and he knew he would have to bring Anx out of it. Anx could hear him but he couldn’t find the ways to respond “Anx, look at me.”

When he knew Anx was trying but couldnt do it he brought hisself down to be eye to eye.

Roman put a hand through the young man’s soft hair, pushing it away from his eyes as he told him, “I will protect you. I promise. I promise I will. You’re amazing and brilliant and the highlight of my day but you need someone to take your fights. And we can do this together. I promise.”

Very slowly Anx’s eyes stopped glazing over and he looked more with it and after processing what was said he blushed and without a word rested his forehead on Roman’s and hummed. Finally, he spoke, “You’re like a knight.”

“Excuse me, I’m quite obviously a prince. A disney prince at that.”

“Haha, fine, Princey.. Wait, I’m the highlight of your day?”

Roman blushed deeply, “I mean, yeah. I.. Uh.. Think you’re great.”

Anxiety actually laughed, “I think you’re great too.. Princey.”

“Lets get you dressed and discharged shall we? Then we can talk about how great you think I am.” Prince finally remembered where they were and very slowly and a few winces involved, they stood properly. “So, how great do you think I am?”

“You haven’t got any confidence problems, do you, Roman?”

“The cutest guy I know told me he thinks I’m great, how could I possibly have a problem with that?” They smile at each other then Roman goes to tell his grandma that he’s taking Anx home to which she winks as Anx gets the clothes from the bedside table and goes to the bathroom to change.

Meeting him out in the hall, Anx leans on Roman and intertwines their hands once more as they head out.