#i was gonna lie and say “for normal reasons” but lets not kid ourselves... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

triplexdoublex · 4 years ago

Text

Pornstar

Pairings: Colson x Reader

Warnings/Tags: rough sex, anal sex, face fucking, gagging, spit, spitting in mouth, slight bondange, golden showers, pissing in mouth, slapping across face, being filmed.

A/N: Shout out to Shawnie ( @heytheregreeneyes) for always letting me use her as my OC and being my best friend. Also Colson isn’t MGK in this, just a pornstar so his personality isn’t as cocky as he usually is. I know I’ve mentioned it before but the sex in this is loosely based off my fave porn star Small Hands AKA Aaron Thompson. Hope this was worth the wait. Lemme know what you think! “Open it, open it!” Your roommate and best friend Shawnie stood before you with a gift bag in hand, shaking it excitedly.

“My birthday’s not even until this weekend,” You laughed taking the bag from her. “You sure you don’t want me to wait? It’s only a few more days.”

“ No please, I’ve kept this a secret for long enough, it’s killing me! Just open it!” She exclaimed. “Plus your gonna need time to prepare.”

“Prepare?”

“C’mom, just open it, open it, open it!!!” She was far too excited. You wondered what it could be that she was so eager to give you. But what you pulled out of the bag just left you with even more questions.

“Thanks???” You said confused, holding up a sexy red lace bra and matching g- string that tied at hips.

“That’s only part of it,” she assured you. “What’s your biggest wish?” She tried to clue you in.

“Ummm paying off all my student debt?” You answered still puzzled. “Did you get me a job as a stripper?” You laughed.

“Okay, maybe ‘wish’ was the wrong word to use … hmmm—oh biggest fantasy!” She corrected herself.

“Oh to fuck my favorite porn star Huge Hands, AKA Colson Baker. You know that — wait … no, no way!” You exclaimed as your friend started frantically nodding her head yes. “Shut up!!! What? You’re kidding. Like how?”

“Look in the bag . There’s more!”

You reached into the bag and pulled out a pass of some kind and read it aloud. “Huge Hands/Colson Baker : Exclusive Access, Porn Star for a Day pass”

“They were super limited, I have no clue how I managed to snag one, but I’m so happy I did! The look on your face right now is priceless!” Shawnie laughed. “It’s probably because you’re the only one I know who’s crazy enough to actually go through with this.”

“I-I don’t even know what to say. I have no words… thank you.” You expressed your gratitude, still in shock. “I’m really about to have the best sex of my life this weekend! On my birthday yet! Have you seen his fucking cock, it’s huuuge!”

“Yes, many times,” Shawnie chuckled , entertained by how pumped you are. “Or did you forget about all the links of his umm ‘work’ you’ve sent me?” Shawnie wasn’t big on porn herself but she was always willing to take an interest in your latest obsessions, no matter what they were. That’s what you loved most about her. “Turn it over, it tells you more about what’s included on the back.”

You did as she suggested, turning the pass over to read more. “Half hour zoom call day before to privately discuss details, and needs/wants of scene; hair and make up; up to one hour of shooting time; and keepsake autographed DVD recording,” you listed off. “You know I’m gonna watch that everyday for the rest of my life, right?”

“I’m assuming you’re gonna make me watch it at least once too, knowing you,” Shawnie laughed.

“Yeah probably,” you laughed as well. “ I got no shame!”

*************

You’re stomach was in knots as you waited for the zoom call to begin; you’d never felt so excited and nervous at the same time. Shawnie was there with you sitting just out of frame, when the ‘bloop’ of the call came through your computer's speakers.

“Hi, Y/N?” Colson questioned.

“Yeah, hi. That’s me!” You did a timid little wave.

“Ok good, just wanted to make sure I got the right person before we get started here. Imagine that … Awkward!,” he laughed, and you instantly began to relax; you could tell he was going to be easy to talk to. “Well, obviously you know what I do , but I’d love to hear a little about you. Says here on your forms you’re a college student?”

“Wait, what forms?” You asked.

“The ones you filled out online with your info and kinks and things you wanted to include in our video when you purchased the Pornstar for a day package,” he answers slightly confused.

“Ohhh, my friend bought me this for my birthday, she must have filled them out.” You responded. “She’s right here. Say hi Shawnie!”

“Hi!” She giggled leaning into frame.

“Hello. Wow this must be some “friendship” he joked making air quotes. “Because this is a very detailed list. You gotta hear this.” He smirks. “Written in the section about what you hope to include in our scene says— and I quote: I want Huge Hands/ Colson to absolutely destroy me. I want him to fuck my throat, my pussy and my ass. I want him to slap me around, and spit and piss in my mouth, and anything else he wants to do to me, I’m all for it.” He choked out a laugh pulling dramatically at the collar of his shirt “Whew, I’m the pornstar here and that’s even got me blushing!”

“Oh my God, Shawnie!” You covered your beet red face.

“What!?, did I lie?” She laughed.

“I mean no, but still. Damn, to hear it out loud like that.” Your eyes bulged.

“So it’s true then?” Colson asked slyly.

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up,” you hid your smile behind your hand, shaking your head in embarrassed disbelief.

“Aye, no need to be embarrassed, we’re gonna have fun tomorrow, I can tell,” he smiled. “I’m especially excited that your interested in Anal. It’s kinda my favorite. I’m assuming you’ve done it before?”

“Yeah,” you answered simply.

“Do you enjoy it?” He asked.

“Tell him what your ex said!” Shawnie blurted out.

“Oh, boy. I gotta hear this,” he chuckled. “What’d the ex say?”

You inhaled deeply before speaking, “I do enjoy it, probably more than regular sex, if I’m being honest,” you admitted. There was no use trying to be coy now. “Uhhh he actually said I could be a pornstar since I can take a hard anal pounding so well.”

“Nice!” He exclaimed. “Girl, after my own heart.”

“Jesus Christ, this conversation has me sweating already,” you chuckled standing up to pull your cardigan off.

“Is that a little tattoo I saw there, peaking out of the top of your jeans?” He asked.

“Yeah, you wanna see?” You unzipped your jeans without waiting for a response and lowered the top of your underwear just enough to show him.

“ The Playboy bunny, huh? How fitting,” he teased.

“What can I say, it was my first tattoo,” you giggled “Seemed like that’s what everyone was getting at the time.”

“What else you got going on down there?” He lifted his head as if trying to see more. “Is that a landing strip?” He asked referring to the thin dark stripe of short curls just barely visible above the band of your lowered underwear. “Can I see?”

“Yeah, sure,” you lowered them further exposing yourself, your inhibition long gone at that point. “This is just how I normally like to groom. I can shave it completely if you prefer?”

“Nah, it’s perfect,” he smiled. “Well, I think I have a pretty good idea now of what you like and what we’ll be getting ourselves into tomorrow. Do you have any questions or anything else you want me to know, before we end the call?”

“I don’t think so,” you said. “Shawnie pretty much laid it all out on those forms,” you laughed.

“That she did!” He produced a chuckle as well. “I meant to ask earlier, but, since she knows so much about your kinks and what not, have you two ever —“

“ No, just best friends, I tend to overshare, I guess.”

“Yeah it amazes me sometimes, the things women share with their friends, but yet guys are always the ones who are known to kiss and tell and brag about their conquests. Females can be just as bad, y’all just keep it on the low a little better,” he stated. “Well, I look forward to working with you tomorrow. Take care, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Can’t wait!” You responded. “Bye.”

“Bye,”

You felt oddly comforted and at ease after the call, no longer a ball of nerves or embarrassment. He made you feel like there was no shame in enjoying the things you did. He was very professional despite the nature of the call; it didn’t feel sleezy or overly salacious; just two consenting adults having a mature conversation about their sexual desires.

*************************

When you walked out of hair and make-up and onto set, you saw Colson waiting for you on a red leather couch. He was clad in only black dress pants; shirtless — his tattoos on full display. He smiled seductively when he saw you, beckoning you over with a pat to his thighs. You undid your silk robe they had given you and let it slip from your shoulders to the floor, revealing the red lacy set Shawnie had bought you, as you made your way over to him. You suddenly became very aware of all the cameras and other people in the room, as you sat on his lap. Somehow it has slipped your mind that they were all a part of what went into this.

“You get used to it,” he said softly , remembering the way he felt his first time in front of the cameras. “Just pretend they’re not even there— only me and you, okay?” He said brushing a finger along your thigh. “Unless, Shawnie forgot to mention you’re an exhibitionist too, then by all means enjoy them watching us fuck,” he joked, making you laugh. “Don’t forget, if you need me to stop at anytime for any reason, just give me three quick taps,” he demonstrated, tapping your thigh. “Don’t worry about the filming, they can always edit and piece things back together if needed. This is all for you and I want you to enjoy yourself. Oh and happy birthday by the way! It’s today right?”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “Thank you.”

“Ok, so we’ll just start the scene with some kissing and light touches, and when I feel you’re ready I’ll signal the camera man, he’ll call action, and then we'll be recording.”

“Sounds good,” you nodded your head. He had made you feel so comfortable and relaxed the last bit of nervousness you chalked up to just being slightly star struck; You never thought in a million years you’d get this opportunity.

“Ready?,” he pressed his forehead to yours, staring directly into your eyes, the corners of his mouth turned up into the most alluring devilish grin.

“Ready,” you echoed back, biting your lip trying to suppress a needy whine. God you were always such a sucker for his killer eye contact in his films, and now you were the one his eyes were soul fucking. You’re heart pounded with excited anticipation as Colson’s face drew nearer to your own. He lightly held your chin as he pressed his lips to yours, parting them to introduce his tongue. It was a welcome greeting, cut short by the breathy “oh fuck ” that involuntarily slipped from your lips.

“”You good?” He laughed softly, a small puff of air the only thing separating your mouths; your foreheads still touching.

“More...than good,” you spoke in a short choppy sentence trying to compose yourself.

“That’s what I like to hear,” he smirked against your lips, continuing to kiss you.

You melted into his kisses— slow and gentle at first, increasing in intensity as he carried on. When he nipped at your bottom lip with a low groan, you lost all innocence, shifting positions to straddle his lap. You gripped the back of his head, as he kissed you and rolled your hips against him, demanding more. And that’s when he knew … that you were ready. He quickly signaled to the cameraman with a thumbs up, and “Action” was called.

His hand slipped down from your chin, settling on the highest part of your neck just under your jaw, his fingers squeezing at your pulse points on either side. Roughly he turned your head to the side with a push of his thumb and his mouth began mauling your neck with an appetite for lust, leaving blooming raspberry patches along the descending path of flesh that lead to your breasts. With one hand he expertly undid the front clasp of your red lace bra and took in the sight of you.

“Perfect,” he whispered into your flesh with a growl, taking one breast in each hand as he licked between them, keeping his eyes locked on yours. You slid the silky straps of your lingerie over your shoulders, letting it fall, as he took turns going back and forth between each breast treating each of your nipples to light suction and a pleasurable nibble. You let out a moan at his actions and again rolled your hips in his lap, pressing yourself against the hardening bulge inside his dress pants. “Needy are we?” He teased swiftly spinning you around so your back was to his chest. He dug his chin into your shoulder peering over it as he snatched up the crotch of your panties roughly, tugging the material up between your lips . You canted your hips up chasing after the friction of the coarse fabric against your clit. “You like that, huh?” He pulled them harsher.

“Mmmm, yes” you squeaked out, nodding your head.

“Yeah, I bet you do,” he growled nipping at your neck. “Look at this pretty pussy,” he shoved the material to the side exposing you, letting his fingers explore your folds as he pleased. “You want my cock right in here huh?” His voice was so gravelly and low as he slipped a finger inside you, only to quickly pull it back out, teasing you. “Taste yourself,” he brought the finger to your mouth. You wrapped your lips around it, as he slid it further into your mouth, his long fingers slipping down the back of your throat. “Oh, god, yes!” He exclaimed impressed by how you didn’t even gag. “Tell ya what—“ he paused to add a second finger to your mouth, continuing to talk as you sucked “If you can suck my dick as good as that—“ he then pulled them back out of your mouth. “I might just have to fuck you right in here too,” he shoved his spit slicked fingers into your ass.

“Yes, fuck, please!” You whined, wiggling your hips, wanting his fingers deeper.

“You like that? Huh. You dirty little anal whore!” He grabbed your neck with his free hand, keeping you pinned back against him, the fingers of his other hand still moving inside you.

“Yes, yes! I am,” you strained to speak. “Please, please fuck my ass!” You whined impatiently with pleasure. You never heard yourself sound so needy and desperate in your life.

“You sound you pretty when you beg, but you're gonna have to earn it first,” he demanded pulling out his fingers, leaving you feeling empty. Quickly, you dropped to your knees in front of the couch as Colson got up standing before you. You waited impatiently while Colson unbuckled his belt above you. Once undone he yanked the belt free from the loops with a satisfying ‘whoosh’ that made you pulse between your thighs. You desperately clawed his pants and boxers down his legs like a feral cat in heat as Colson brought the tip to your mouth, still holding onto his belt in the other. “Open!,” he demanded. “Goooood,” he growled in praise as you did what you were told. You reached up to grab it but ,“no hands!” he smacked them away, and then secured them behind your back with his belt. “Let’s try this again, open!” He spoke harshly. You obliged, opening wide. “Tongue” he barked. You let it hang from your mouth with anticipation; eager breaths rolling down it like a panting dog eyeing a steak. He teased you, slapping his cock against your tongue before shoving it fully into your mouth. Your eyes prickled with tears as you fought your gag reflex, taking him down your throat. He held your head in place with one hand , the tip of your nose pressed flush against the coarse hair of his pelvis, as he hunched his body forward over yours untying the sides of your G-string. It slipped from your body leaving you completely nude. Colson smacked your ass, then gripped it harshly, making it jiggle for him before finally standing straight up and pulling his hips back to let you come up for air.

“Huuuuuuhhhh,” you inhaled sharply gasping for breath, letting oxygen penetrate deep into your lungs before Colson stuffed your mouth again. Mascara ran down your hollowed out cheeks as you sucked. You started pulling back out of instinct when you began to gag but Colson held you in place.

“No, keep it in your mouth,” he instructed condescendingly, looking down at you. “Just a little longer” he promised. You tried your best, Colson letting out a throaty moan every time your raw, used throat constricted around him as he fucked into it. “Mmmgghh,” he groaned, pulling out of your mouth “Goooood girl,” he praised with a smirk, before bending down to give you a sloppy kiss, swapping mouthfuls of saliva. Just as he pulled away he let a long string of collected spit slip from his pursed lips and into your open mouth, where you eagerly accepted it, moaning as you swallowed it down.

You let out a breathy “awhhh” as you opened your mouth again, wiggling your tongue enticingly.

“Such a dirty, fucking whore,” he bent down again and spat directly in your face. He smeared it all over your face with his hand before grabbing you by the neck, pulling you to your feet. “Turn around,” he ordered. You did as he said and Colson undid his belt from around your wrists. Before you even had a chance to soothe your sore wrists with a rub, Colson spun you around and pushed you down onto your back on the couch, your ass teetering on the edge of the red leather cushion. “Spread yourself for me,” he instructed, as he pumped himself. Again you did as you were told; you pulled your legs up, wrapping an arm around each thigh, holding them back as you parted your opening with your fingers. “God, you’re so fucking wet.” He teased the head of his cock through the glistening mess on display for him.

“Fuck me,” you said in an inpatient huff, staring into his eyes.

“Awhhh, yessss,” he groaned out, slack jawed as he sank into you

“Ohhh, shit,” you screamed out , face twisted in pleasure, your eyes slipping shut, at the feeling of him burying himself deep in your cunt.

“Open your eyes. Look at me!” He spoke harshly, cupping your face in his hands as he thrust. You opened your eyes, trying to focus on his, but your vision was spotted by the intensity of it all. “Feel good?” He pressed his forehead to yours just as he’d done earlier , starring directly into the windows to your soul as he fucked you. You nodded the best you could, but that wasn’t good enough for him. “Words, I want words. Say yes!”

“Yes.. yes,” you responded breathily, biting at your lip.

“Yeah, Mmmghhh, that’s it. Fuck, I like it when you use your words” he moaned , shifting himself to be more upright. He then spit on the tips of his fingers and brought them to your clit and began rubbing it furiously, his cock still destroying you.

“OH Fuck!” You cried out, wiggling and bucking your hips.

“You gonna fucking stay still? He roughly grabbed your face, squeezing your cheeks. You nodded your head, trying your best to calm your body’s erratic, pleasure driven movements as he thrust. “Words!” He spat, his hand letting go of your face only to connect it to your cheek again with a quick, yet harsh slap.

“Shit! ...Yes!” You corrected yourself once again, Your body was loving how aggressive he was getting the longer he fucked you and he could tell; spitting at and striking your face again.

“Turn over!” He ordered, abruptly pulling out. “Hands on the back of the couch.” He roughly assisted you in turning around , and you placed your hands where instructed. You arched your back and pushed your ass out waiting for him to re enter you from the new position. “This is where you really want it, huh?” He teased his cock over your asshole.

“Yes!,” you remembered to use your words this time.

“You’re a dirty little fucking anal whore, aren’t you? He asked, he question sounding a lot more like a statement. “Let me hear you said it.” He applied pressure to your hole with the tip, as he yanked back a fist full of your hair.

“I’m a dirty little fucking anal whore!,” you repeated desperately pushing back against him.

“Mmmghh!, That you are!” He confirmed with a groan, snapping hips hips forward, quickly entering you.

“Uhhhhh, Oh my God!” You exclaimed at the feeling. You never fully understood why you enjoyed anal as much as you did, perhaps it was the pleasurable fullness, the taboo aspect, the fact that you were one of the few woman who were into it, or the way so many men were obsessed with it , and the look on their face when they found out you were more than willing to take it up the ass, but you absolutely loved it, and this time was no different. Every jack hammered thrust brought you closer and closer to the edge, especially when Colson reached around to between your legs adding the friction of his fingers to your clit. The sensation of your ass being stuffed combined with his touch was the perfect recipe for orgasm and you felt it building every time his cock slid in and out.

“Yeah, cum for me,” he could feel you tightening around him. His words perfectly in sync with the jolt of pleasure boiling over in your abdomen and ripping through you with vast intensity. A series of explitives and sounds you’ve never heard yourself make, flew from you lips as your body went boneless under Colson. He quickly pulled out, turned you back over and came across your face with a few pumps of his hand. He collapsed to the side of you briefly, before tugging you off the couch and onto your knees. “I’m not done with you just yet,” he spoke out of breath taking his softening dick in his hand. Your eyes lit up, you knew what he was referring too— the only thing on your list of wants he hadn’t included yet. “Say ahhh!”

“Ahhh,” you echoed the request, letting his golden stream fill your mouth, splash off your tongue and dribble down your chin and body. You giggled, piss spilling from your smile as you looked up at him, all your fantasies now fulfilled.

“Annnd cut!” Called the director. A few stage hands scrambled to bring you both a towel and small refreshments. “Almost done, just gonna get you guys a little cleaned up, rehydrated, let you catch your breath a bit, and then film the little quick, post scene interview.

“Ok,” you both answered.

Colson tossed his towel over his shoulders and reached out his hand to you “You, good?” He asked with a faint laugh , watching your hand shake as you drank your water.

“Yeah,” you answered letting him pull you up onto the couch.

“You were amazing,” he said, rubbing your back. He knew the come down from the adrenal rush of scenes could be taxing, especially from rough ones . “You —“

“Ready,” the director interrupted, cutting him short, and immediately pressing record. “So how was it?” the director focused the camera on you first.

“Oh my god.. mind blowing,” you answered , still out of breath, adjusting your towel.

“And you?” The director turned the camera to Colson.

“ Absolutely amazing. She was a natural. I’d love to work with her again.”

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subjecta5newtella · 4 years ago

Note

you know that trope where person a is having a really hard time and person b spends time with them to calm them down at night and they are about to leave so person a can get some sleep but person a grabs their hand and asks them to stay. you know that trope. but it’s nalby in the glade

this was supposed to be like. 200 words. the all-consuming love for pre-thomas glade dynamics hit me and now it's 2.3k. god help me.

Alby tries to tell himself it’s just habit that brings him to the Map Room at the same time every day, not some kind of ritual or anything. Surely it’s normal to hate a break in routine, to feel just a little off-balance when something requires his attention and he doesn’t arrive in time to walk to dinner with the Runners.

All the Runners. Definitely not one particular Runner. The second-in-command shouldn’t be playing favorites.

He’s been late the last couple days, tasked with shuttling the new Greenie around when Nick needs to attend to other things, but the kid has attached himself to a group of the Builders to the point where Alby feels like he can leave him for a while (and thank god for that, honestly, because he’s one of the ones that talks all the time when he’s nervous).

He watches the Runners file out of the Map Room one by one, but Minho comes out last and locks the door and there’s still one missing.

“Where’s—“ Alby starts, but Minho cuts him off before he can even get the question out.

“Finished his map early and headed off. He’s been weird all day.”

“Why?”

Minho shrugs. “Fuck if I know, dude. You know how hard it is to get answers out of that guy when he doesn't want to talk? Might work for you, though.”

There are a hell of a lot of implications there, a lot of observations he’s made that Alby hadn’t noticed him making, but Minho isn’t in charge of the Runners for no reason. Talking to him is easier once you remember that, as much as he sometimes makes it hard.

“I’ll try,” Alby says, and sets off to find Newt.

Newt’s not in the first place he looks, which is probably good because that particular spot behind the Homestead is where Alby had found the wreckage of him one time in the early days, a time bad enough that they just don’t speak of it. He’s not in the gardens either, and as Alby treks back across the Glade to head towards the trees, he curses Newt’s tendency to vanish when he’s upset. It could be worse; he’s not picking fights or breaking shit or any of the other, more destructive coping mechanisms Alby’s seen from some of the Gladers, but since the anxiety doesn’t go away until he finds Newt, he wishes Newt was a little less opposed to being found.

Alby finally finds him just past the area where most of the Gladers sleep, half in the woods but not quite. He’s brought his sleeping bag with him as well, as though he expects to stay there until morning, as though he thinks his wouldn’t be one of the most visible absences possible for the rest of the evening. He’s staring up at the trees, flat on his back and face still a little red, and when Alby comes to sit next to him he turns his head and pushes himself up into a sitting position, but doesn’t say anything.

Newt’s an odd creature sometimes. Alby knows him better than anyone else, but there are still times when he’s not sure if the best thing to do is get him to talk or leave him alone. Maybe this time the right thing to do is not to talk, but with every second the quiet feels more and more like a weight pressing down, and Alby breaks.

“What’s going on?”

Newt won’t look at him for a moment, just at his own hands, but then he seems to come to some kind of decision and makes eye contact. “I don’t think there’s a way out of here,” he says, and then everything spills out of him like bile or blood. “I think Minho thinks the same thing, he just doesn’t want to admit it. And that feels bad all the time but it feels worse when there’s a new Greenie, because it’s bad enough that there’s another kid stuck here with us, but then we’re supposed to give them hope. They find out about the Runners and they get told we’re looking for a way out, and they start to think it’s actually possible.”

And that…. well. Alby doesn’t begin to know what to say to that. “Are you sure it’s not?”

“I mean, no, I can’t say with absolute certainty or anything, but... it just repeats. I think we’ve found everything we’re gonna find.”

Alby doesn’t really do optimism—he’s not as much of a pessimist as Newt is sometimes, more of a realist if anything��but he can’t let that linger, can’t even look directly at it for too long.

“So you don’t know for sure. Which means it might all be fine, and maybe tomorrow one of you will figure out something new, and we’ll all get out of here.”

“It’s not that bloody simple,” Newt snaps, and Alby bites back a retort, because he’s fucking trying, okay?

Instead he just says, “I know. Just... trying to help.”

Newt sighs. “Yeah, sorry. That wasn’t fair. Been a bad day, that’s all. Bad couple days.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You weren’t the one who put us here. Unless I’m missing something, in which case you might want to admit to it now while I’m too tired to kill you.” And sure, it’s almost all a joke, but Alby can’t help but feel like it’s a little bit true. For all that Newt is kind, for as much as he cares about every single person in the Glade, or maybe because of all those things, he has a hatred for the Creators like nothing else Alby’s ever seen from him.

Still, he’s pretty sure he’s safe from that kind of threat, or at least as safe as someone with no recollection of their past can be, so he says, “Not as far as I know.”

Newt’s quiet for a minute, and then he says, “What if it was one of us?”

“Why would we put ourselves here if it was?”

Newt shrugs. “I guess.”

He falls silent after that, and this time Alby lets him stay that way, at least for a while. Eventually, though, he checks his watch and realizes they can’t wait any longer if they want to eat, and starving isn’t exactly going to do Newt’s mood any good.

“Alright, you need to eat before dinner’s over. And shower, and then you can continue staring at nothing if you really want.”

“That genius for planning is why you’re second-in-command, huh?” Newt says with an asymmetrical smile, and Alby says, “Sure,” because sometimes Nick’s justifications for it don’t make a lot of sense to him either.

He gets to his feet and turns to pull Newt up with him, and they head for dinner. Frypan gives them a look for being late, and Minho spares a glance, eyes flicking from Newt to Alby before he nods just a little, but no one says anything about the way they arrive after everyone and as a matched set. They’ve all just got enough of their own problems, maybe. A lot of eyes still on the Greenie, too.

After dinner and showers and Alby spending the whole walk back fighting the urge to tuck the chunk of hair that’s fallen out of Newt’s mess of a bun back into place, they end up in the same spot, mostly hidden from where the rest of the Gladers are setting up for the night.

This time, Alby chooses the second option. He waits to see if Newt will talk, and when he doesn’t, he leaves the silence alone. It’s not a comfortable emptiness, not when everything Newt had said earlier still lingers, but pushing any further seems like it might hurt more than mend.

That’s one possible answer, at least. Another is that he’s scared to lean too hard on whatever it is between them for fear that it might break. A third is that he’s afraid of all the things that Newt might say. So he waits, and he hopes that his presence is any kind of reassurance.

Eventually, though, night starts to set in and he can’t justify keeping Newt awake any longer. He goes to stand up, but Newt’s hand shoots out to grab his wrist and good god, Alby sometimes forgets how fast he can move.

“Don’t leave.” Newt says, and Alby shakes his head.

“You should get some rest. Don’t want you running the Maze tired tomorrow.”

Newt says, “You being here doesn’t prevent me from resting,” which is true, sure, but not something Alby had been ready to assume. You don’t set up for the night in the middle of the woods if you want company, at least not in his own experience of things, but if Newt wants him to stay, what other choice can he make?

“Can I at least go get my own sleeping bag?”

Newt’s fingers uncurl in response, and Alby gently tugs his wrist away, going to collect his things. On the way back he runs into Nick, making the rounds before bed, which is a thing Alby usually accompanies him on except that he’s been a little distracted.

Nick’s gaze drops to the sleeping bag and pillow in Alby’s arms, and Alby mentally curses the sense of order that had led him to sleep in the same place since the beginning, meaning that now any kind of rearrangement looks unusual.

“Is everything okay?” Nick asks, brow furrowed.

Alby doesn’t lie to Nick. He doesn’t lie in general, really, but especially not to Nick because the Glade doesn’t function if communication between them breaks down. But this... he’s not ready to tell Nick what Newt suspects. It’s still only a suspicion, one that could easily be proved wrong, and he’s not ready to damage morale that badly without proof.

So he lies, or at least omits part of the truth. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Newt’s just in a mood, and I’m keeping an eye on him to make sure he’s not gonna be out of it in the Maze tomorrow.” There’s no point in trying to say it like he’d do this for any other Runner, not with the way he and Newt have been bound since the early days by something still unvoiced, but he can still pretend at least a little.

Nick knows there’s no truth to that last part at least, but Alby knows how much time he spends picking his battles, so he’s not surprised when Nick just nods. “Sounds good. Don’t want him getting injured.”

“Yeah. Sorry for ditching nighttime rounds.”

“It’s fine. You might have to take the Greenie tomorrow if the supply meeting goes over, so we’ll call it even.”

It’s an empty threat, given that Alby’s most useful skills as a leader lie in allotment and record-keeping, but he takes the way out Nick’s offering him. “Fine.”

Nick nods. “Alright, go ahead. Deal with whatever you’re dealing with.”

“Thanks,” Alby says, and heads back to the space in the trees.

Newt looks up when he approaches, propping himself up on his elbows. He mostly just looks tired now, which is an improvement at least, even if it doesn’t do wonders for Alby’s confidence in sending him out into the Maze in the morning. “Forgot you’re supposed to have a job to do. Wouldn’t have stolen you from Nick if I remembered.”

Alby spreads out his sleeping bag, laying down on top of it. It’s too warm in the Glade to sleep inside it, which kind of feels like an oversight on someone’s part. “I ran into him on the way back, it’s fine. He’s threatening to make me take over with the Greenie if the meeting tomorrow runs long, but it’s probably an empty threat. Hopefully.”

Newt worms his way close enough to bump Alby with a shoulder. “Be nice to the new kid, Albert.”

“I’m trying, he just talks so much.”

“Can’t be worse than Kuo.”

Alby snorts. “You haven’t met him.”

“I met him the first full day he was here!”

“For three minutes! And it’s not like he even asks a ton of questions, I can either answer those or deflect fine, but he’ll just say things and I have no idea how I’m supposed to react to them.”

“I’m sure he’s just scared.”

“Yeah, I know. I think he’s gonna get absorbed into the Builders soon enough anyway, he’s already halfway there.”

“That helps.”

“Yeah. I keep hoping that Nick will get that I’m shit at this, but I guess sometimes there aren’t other options.”

Newt shrugs. “You’re good at plenty of other things, and you haven’t killed a Greenie yet.”

“I don’t think I like ‘yet’ in that sentence.”

“I’m confident in your ability to not kill a Greenie. Better?”

“Yeah, sure.” Alby readjusts his pillow, doing his best not to acknowledge the root under his head because proximity takes priority over comfort right now. “Sorry. Didn’t come back just to complain.”

“Nah, it’s okay. Took my mind off everything a little.”

“Are you gonna be okay tomorrow?” Alby asks, knowing as he does that it’s probably only going to make Newt mad, but he can’t just not ask.

Sure enough, there’s a bite to it when Newt says, “I’ll be fine,” that hadn’t been there a second ago.

“Don’t get pissed off at me for caring about you. It’s just dangerous out there, and—“

“Yeah, I have figured that out, actually. I can take care of myself.”

“I never said you couldn’t, don’t start acting like I did.”

“No, you just—“ Newt stops himself and sighs, looking away. “I’m sorry. I’m… yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Alby reaches out and interweaves his fingers with Newt’s, half-expecting him to pull away and ready to let go if he does. He doesn’t.

When he wakes before dawn with Newt’s face pressed into his shoulder, Alby thinks he could almost be happy staying in the Glade like this, but only almost. One of them has to believe they’ll get out of here, and if that means he has to play at optimism for a while, it’s one more role he’ll do his best to handle.

#tmr newt #tmr alby #nalby #tmr fic #gluednewts #society if I worked on anything I was supposed to be working on but ALSO..... Them.

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willgrahymn · 4 years ago

Text

Two Love

I’m not gonna lie, this is probably some of the gayest shit I’ve ever written.

Summary: In the silence of the night, it feels like there's nothing but them. Loving oneself is not an easy task, and loving another takes work. If we can't love ourselves now though, we can at least love each other. Maybe then we will realize our own worth. Virgil and Roman know this well.

Word count: 2019

Tags: romantic prinxiety, (domestic) fluff, light angst, human au, living together, non-sexual intimacy, cuddling, communication, and marriage proposal ✨

As always, I’ll reblog with a link to this on ao3 :]!

“I wish you knew how lovable you are,” Virgil whispered into the silence.

Roman didn’t respond, biting his lower lip and not once opening his eyes. Virgil frowned, lightly tracing the tattoos on the other man’s chest, stopping to place his palm against the beating of his heart.

The room was quiet besides the sound of the heat coming through the vents and the occasional car passing by outside. Virgil sighed, laying his head against his love. He was warm, too, and he wished he never had to get out of bed again. It wasn’t like the way he wished during a depressive episode though. This was different; it was cozier, and more like home. He closed his eyes as he felt a hand begin to play with the hair at the base of his neck, and made a mental note to trim it later.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his lips ghosting against his boyfriend’s skin. He thought watching the rise and fall of his stomach, breathing in and out, was what made him want to say it.

“I know you do,” Roman responded, and Virgil could hear the tired smile in his voice, “I love you too. You’re perfect.”

“I’m anything but.”

“Then you’re perfect for me.”

Virgil decided he was happy to settle for that.

Roman continued to play with the dark strands before kissing the long magenta bangs that normally covered his boyfriend’s eyes. And he smiled because his hair smelled like the same raspberry-scented shampoo that he washed his hair with not long ago. If there was anything Roman believed he could do well, it was making his boyfriend feel cared for. He deserved it, and the way Virgil always leaned into his touch like a cat receiving ear scratches whenever he rubbed the shampoo into his scalp was something he simply couldn’t pass up when the opportunity arose.

He was beautiful now in Roman’s arms, and he would be beautiful when he woke up in the morning with his hair messed up going every which way. He would be beautiful when black makeup stained his face in tear tracks and he asked Roman if they could go home after a failed night out. There would not be a time when he was not beautiful, because he never gave Roman a reason to see him as anything less than that. He was a work of art. Frayed at the edges, sure, but he remained invaluable nonetheless.

Blinking slowly, Roman watched as his love shifted to meet his gaze. Dark eyes shining in the moonlight that seeped in through their window blinds. They were as gorgeous as the rest of him, he thought.

“What is it, my Night Light?”

“Oh, nothing,” he smirked, “I was just admiring.”

Roman rolled his eyes, a mix of fondness and instinctual doubt settling in his gut. “You see me every day, you’ll tire of me eventually.” He tried.

“We already went through the phase of being sick of each other when we first met, you’re not getting rid of me now.” Virgil teased, and before Roman could think of something else to say to distract from his statement, he started to speak again softer this time. “I meant what I said earlier, about how you’re so much more lovable than you know. I care about you.”

Virgil took a deep breath. He didn’t consider himself good at this sort of thing, but the weight of Roman’s fingers lacing between his own and pulling him closer was reassurance enough.

“I love you, Roman, and I… I just hope that one day, you’ll fall in love with yourself in the same way I did. You deserve to feel like you’re worth it.”

Roman stared at him, his mouth barely open as he replayed the words in his head. He knew Virgil, knew that he was always more on the pessimistic side, and didn’t try to get his hopes up about things to come. Still, he hoped for him. A hand rested against his cheek, thumb brushing lightly against his lips. Virgil smiled, and his heart felt full.

“Thank you,” he said. “I hope that one day you’ll wake up and face yourself in the mirror, and be able to value yourself as much as I do. It’s only fair.”

He took his partner’s hand, kissing his palm. Even in the darkness of their room, he could still see Virgil’s eyes go wide before hiding his face against his chest. It was cute, but he could tease him about that later. For now, though, he just felt lucky that he was allowed to see him like this. No walls up, and no fake dark persona to make sure others would leave him alone. He was just honest, authentic Virgil, and that was all that Roman wanted.

“I could spend a thousand lifetimes with you and it still wouldn’t be enough.” He admitted. “I would relive all the bad days where we didn’t get along, all the bad days where we doubted ourselves, as long as I knew it would bring me back here just like this with you.”

Virgil stared at him, curious and adoring. “You’re a madman.”

“Nothing compared to my brother,” Roman laughed, “but I guess you might be right. If I didn’t think straight before I certainly don’t now.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his lips. He pulled himself up, face to face with the hopelessly romantic man he’d fallen in love with, dark eyes staring through thick lashes.

With some hesitance, Roman asked. “Have you ever thought about wanting to get married someday? It’s okay if not, I know right now might not be the perfect time to bring it up, but… it came to mind, I guess.”

He held his breath as Virgil considered. He didn’t want to be pushy. All he knew was that if asked, he would accept that commitment, and not dream of another. Because Virgil wasn’t like any of the partners he had known before. He was gentle and rough, sweet and sour, and Roman loved his contradictions. He loved to be loved in a way he could understand.

“Maybe not right now,” Virgil finally replied, “but I’d be happy with that. With you.”

Roman nodded, kissing him on the nose and appreciating the way Virgil’s eyes crinkled when he did.

“That’s okay,” he smiled, and it was the truth. “I just need you to know that if you’re ever ready for that, I’ll be here. I’d love to call you my husband if you’d let me. One of us can surprise the other with a proposal someday, but before that, I want us both to be ready.”

Virgil blinked, slow like a cat. Maybe these kinds of conversations were better left until morning.

“Thank you. I’d uh, I’d like that though, eventually.”

Smiling, Roman closed his eyes. He always dreamed of grand fairytale weddings and proposals, but this, this was good too. Fitting for them. It wasn’t Disney, but they made it work.

Pulling the blanket further over them, Virgil kissed his prince’s cheek only to be pulled into a proper one right after. Soft and slow, Virgil felt Roman’s lips quirk as his hand grazed the rose tattooed at his hip.

Then, he asked. “Of all the people you could choose to love, why me?”

“I think you’re the only one who really gets me,” Roman said, nuzzling into his lover’s shoulder and breathing in the faint scent of lavender. “You smell good.”

Virgil laughed silently, and Roman felt his body shake against him. He could feel that same butterfly-like sensation in his stomach from when he first started thinking of him as more than a friend.

“I think you’re the only person who can understand me though… not in an edgy teenager way, but like with my issues. People see me, but not in the way you do. You’re the one who drove halfway across town to drag my sorry ass out of bed after my ex dumped me and helped me realize it was a good thing. You helped me get out of my comfort zone and experiment with makeup too. I guess in a way, you make me better. And if you can love me with all the flaws that I have, then I can love yours too.”

“Oh,” he whispered, “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, you deserve to. You may be as dark and gloomy as a live-action Batman movie, but you still make my world a little brighter.”

“You’re a dork.”

Roman gasped, pulling back and holding his hand to his chest as if he had just touched a hot stove. “You’re so mean!”

Virgil shrugged, and Roman could practically hear the unspoken ‘it’s what I do best.’ It seemed that in all the years he had known him, he figured out how to decipher the mystery of a man hidden under all that black and purple emo attire.

It was 12:27 AM, at least that’s what the clock sitting on their bedside table told them. Virgil was used to being up late, insomnia and all, but since they started living together Roman insisted he come to bed at the same time every night. He appreciated it though. He liked getting ready for bed together and the weight of Roman falling asleep against him. He didn’t want to admit it, but it helped.

The room was nearly silent, the heat turned off long ago. The quiet sounds of rustling pillows and blankets were the only thing to be heard. Warm breaths lingered on Roman’s skin making his hair rise as soft lips met his jaw. He wondered if Virgil remembered watching him scrub violet lipstick off his face in the theater's dressing room while he giggled like a kid at a carnival. If he asked, Virgil would have told him there was a reason he preferred darker shades.

“Do you think we’ll have kids someday?”

“Don’t push it, Princey. You haven’t even decided if you want to adopt a cat or a dog yet.”

“Still! Could you imagine us as dads? We could have Disney movie nights. We already do that, I know, but we could do it with our kid. I’m perfectly fine with just being pet parents, but could you imagine?”

“I can, actually, and now I’m going to be worrying about our non-existent child and their not yet existing future until I fall asleep.”

Roman glared at him before rolling onto his side. All too familiar with the silly things he did, Virgil waited in anticipation and was pleasantly surprised when Roman finally lunged back over, attacking him with a kiss and laughing against his lips.

“You said not yet existing,” he grinned, “which implies that there will be one eventually.”

Virgil sighed, running his fingers through his partner’s hair. “You’re not getting me to agree to adopt a child in the middle of the night, Ro.”

Humming, Roman nodded an ‘okay’ and let the subject go for now. Virgil didn’t even think before he spoke again.

“I want a future with you, Roman, you know that.”

The softness in his eyes was one Virgil would do anything to protect, and he smiled as Roman snuggled into his chest. He loved him, and with the sound of his heart beating in his ears he was sure that he would do anything it took to keep him safe.

“Get some rest, Sleepy Beauty,” he whispered. “You deserve it.”

In the morning, they would both wake up with their legs intertwined, knowing that they could stay in bed all morning because neither had work that day. Roman would get up first, and Virgil would admire him as he stretched. When Virgil finally did pull himself out of bed and found his future-husband in the kitchen making french toast, he would slump against his back and leave a kiss between his shoulders.

And maybe life was never going to be easy, but that could be okay. Step by step, stroke by stroke, they’d make it through as each other’s sword and shield.

#Sanders Sides #Sanders Sides fic #Roman Sanders #Virgil Sanders #prinxiety #Virgil's Volumes #my god these bitches gay...#reblogs and comments/tags are always hella appreciated but u didnt hear that from me #I FORGOT TO PUT THIS AS ROMANTIC PRINXIETY WHEN I FIRST POSTED THIS OOPS <3 #I guess it's a given but shh

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lengthofropes · 4 years ago

Text

POVs series

Part 2: Sam

(Part 1: Cas is here)

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words: 3,3k | smr: Sam’s POV as Cas returned from the Empty | read on A03

rating: general | warnings: none I guess?

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I’ve never seen Cas drinking through a straw. I’ve never seen him having a milkshake either, but here he is. On the backseat of Impala, with Dean sitting next to him and laughing as hard as he possibly can.

“What is so funny?” Cas frowns at him, sounding sincerely confused. Dean can’t answer cause he’s literally choking with snickering. To be honest, yeah, this is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in years.

“You’re… you’re just slurping so loud!” Dean finally manages, wiping a laugh tear from his eye. "Cas, you gotta…” and he can’t finish the sentence because he's breathless with laugh again.

"I don't understand. Is this supposed to be a dessert?" Cas asks.

“Yeah, we can’t make a decent milkshake at home, so I thought you should try it here” Dean’s still giggling, but slowly calms down. “I know you like peanut butter with strawberry jelly, so maybe you'd like a strawberry milkshake too”

“Oh. This is too sweet”

And I swear Dean is slightly blushing now, I swear! This is even funnier than Cas slurping, but I’m holding back a smile cause yeah, this is too sweet.

“Yeah, umm… No, I just… I though you’d like it…”

“I like it, but it’s too sweet.” Cas looks at him and adds “The milkshake”

“Oh!…”

This time I can’t hold it back and just burst out with laughter.

“What’s so funny again?” Castiel is confused even more, I can see in a back view mirror.

“Nothing” - Dean to Cas.

“Shut up!” - Dean to me. But I just can’t stop.

“Gimme that!” - to Cas again, taking the milkshake from his hand and slurping even louder than Cas. "It's not too sweet it's just perfect!"

We haven't laughed like this for a long time, too long.

Through the months Castilel’s been absent, times were tough sometimes. Me and Dean, we had to sort out a lot of stuff, and believe me, it wasn’t that easy.

We talked about a lot of things, then. We started with the simplest.

What are we about to do now? Continue hunting? Get ourselves a decent jobs? Should we move somewhere else?

Move, huh. We weren’t ready to, at that point, guess we’re not ready still, not sure if we actually want to. Not sure, we know where to, how to, even. So many things have changed, we needed at least something to stay the same, stay solid for us. So we kind of… continued our usual routine in the bunker, with an exclusion of hunting for a while. We needed a rest. Probably, sticking up with the domestic stuff helped. You wake, make yourself breakfast, you eat, you read or watch movies, you make some calls, you exercise, you shower, you sleep. You do groceries, laundry, cleaning. You, being normal. Functional, pretty much. Slowly accepting your new world and the life you're now living. Like, piece by piece, understanding and acceptance comes.

Bunker felt so... I don’t know, remarkably unoccupied those days?

Weird, cause we used to live here on our own, sometimes for weeks. Sometimes even months. But now it was… I guess it’s just knowing, that this time someone won’t come back here, this knowing… it made it hard to walk those corridors. I missed Cas. I missed Jack, too. But… you know.

First month we stayed at the Bunker on our own. I mean, of course I went to see Eileen, it’s the first thing I wanted to do after everyone returned. I don’t even know how I can describe the feeling when I've read the message from her. I…

We were driving home. With Miracle, sleeping on the backseat. And Jack’s “I’m not coming home” still too loud in our ears. And my phone beeped. It was her. She was the first person we got a message from.

“Hey, Sam”

That’s it, “Hey, Sam” - and it’s easier to breathe. I remember, I couldn’t text her back, just kept looking and looking at my phone.

“Eileen?” Dean asked.

“Yeah… yeah. She’s… she texted”

I literally could add nothing to that. Dean just smiled, but didn’t say anything.

Rest of the road we called and called everyone, checking, laughing on loudspeaker, explaining, repeating the story about Chuck all over again. It was good. Those were the moments worth fighting for - hearing the voices of your family again. We were so happy, so relieved. And free, at last.

Next day the first thing Dean said to me, was that I need to go to see Eileen.

“Nope, now! Pack your shit and go! ‘Cmon, Sammy, do me a favor, huh?”

Not sure I need to explain the argument between us, cause I didn’t want to leave him alone. Or should I say, the argument inside my head between me and me, the one who cares about my brother, and the one who loves Eileen. But well, he insisted, he insisted hard. And I’d lie if I say, to see her alive and well, to finally hold her, wasn’t on top of my needs.

So yeah, Dean understood me even better than I did myself. He assured me, that everything’s gonna be fine, and he has work to do - go to the vet with Miracle and buy all the things we need to make the bunker a home for her, too.

I came back home in two days. Eileen went for a long trip to meet up with all her friends, and she promised to come to the bunker in few weeks. And stay for a little longer. Dean was pretty excited, though, even asked why the hell I didn’t bring her back with me immediately. So yeah, visiting her friends was a nice excuse to…

He needed time.

I didn’t tell him how heartbroken she was, when I told her Cas was gone.

He needed time. And I needed to stay close. Because even if I’ve lost my dearest friend, Dean have lost way more than that.

Dean seemed “normal”. Not sad, not unnaturally cheerful, not heartbroken, not… anything. And it was scary as hell. I didn’t try to talk to him. He didn’t try to talk to me. Geez, at that time, I didn’t even knew how exactly it all happened. How did Cas summoned the Empty? Why it took him? But I just waited. I just think it’s time, when…it’s time. Because one thing I knew for sure, something in Dean has changed. Changed very deep. And it wasn’t a grief, no, that was something else.

One morning I saw him looking at himself in a bathroom mirror. I just stood at he door, not to interrupt, cause the look on his face was… like he was examining himself, actually seeing something for the first time. Figuring, if he likes it or not.

So, I was there, and I was waiting for him to be ready to share. Giving him time and space.

Dean quit drinking.

He just stopped. I didn’t bring it to his attention, that I’ve noticed. It’s just one day I passed him a bottle of beer in the kitchen, and he mumbled something like “nah, I’m good”, and next day I saw him opening the fridge to pour himself some orange juice. And the next day, we were watching something, and I put a cold six pack on a table. He didn’t touch it. So I just quit offering.

I didn’t ask.

Now Dean is siting next to Cas on a backseat. Today, it’s been two weeks since Jack brought him back home, but Dean is still always around him, ready to catch him if he is dizzy again (yeah, it still happens sometimes), or he’s disoriented, or unexpectedly weak. Cas feels much better, though. But we constantly keep an eye on him. Well, I’d say I try to, but Dean doesn’t seem to let me, you know? Actually, it’s the first time he left the bunker in these two weeks. He rarely even leaves Cas’ room, though, maybe only when he cooks for him or goes to the library to grab another book. When Cas falls asleep, he walks out, and we usually talk in the kitchen or wherever.

When we go to sleep to our rooms, Dean doesn’t stays in his for long.

Two months ago he couldn’t sleep in his room, too, but the reasons were different. I remember constantly finding him in the morning, sleeping anywhere else but his bed. Face on the table in the kitchen, in the armchair in the library, on the couch in his cave. One time I’ve found him in the backseat of Impala in the garage. Dean used to drink himself to sleep, when times were tough. Now that he quit, he just stayed up until he passed out. No need to be genius, to figure he’s been having nightmares. No need to be genius, to figure what those nightmares were about. I still see the burning ceiling in my dreams, rarely, but yeah, I do.

And yeah, he told me he’s having nightmares. He told me not to worry about it, cause it’s a normal reaction, and it will pass.

What he didn’t told me, Jack did.

That day, I woke up and went to the kitchen to fill my water bottle and go for a jog. Jack was there. Just standing next to the fridge, drinking milk.

To be honest, at first I thought I was still dreaming. But then he raised his hand “hi” and I…

“Hi Sam!”

“Jack… is it really you? I mean… hey!” I’m not sure if I supposed to hug God but well, I did. And he hugged me back and for a moment it felt like everything is back as it used to be. As it used to be, yeah. Our kid drinking milk in our kitchen.

It was 6 in the morning, and I’ve had one of the most complicated conversations I’ve ever had in my life.

Jack told me everything. About the deal Cas made to save him. About the price of that deal.

About Dean praying to him every single night for the past weeks.

Jack was good, though, he coped very well with all his new responsibilities; hell is fine, Earth is fine, new Death is great, heaven is getting some renovations, and angels are finally calm and satisfied. The only problem is the Empty. Since he detonated himself in front of Cosmic Entity, he has no idea what was happening there. If Chuck was able to bring angels and demons from there, it changed, apparently, after the explosion, because the structure of the void has been damaged.

“Every time I try to reach it, it’s like I’m walking in the dark, like I’ve lost the path and I have no idea where I should go. I tried to summon the Entity, tried to open the portal - nothing works.” Jack looked concerned and dreary. “I don’t know what is happening there. I can only guess, everyone’s awake there. And they all are supposed to rest, supposed to sleep. If I made them suffer…” He looked at me with remorse in his eyes. “Castiel is there too. Sam, what if he…”

I felt sick. What if Jack’s right? What if all the dead angels and demons are going crazy in there? What if Cas sacrificed himself again only to suffer for the eternity?

“They all deserve to rest, and I need to make sure they are. And I want him back, Sam. I want my father back”

“Yeah… yeah. We all do. We just didn’t think it is somehow possible again”

“I’ll make it possible, I promise. I’ll keep trying. But I don’t know if I should answer to Dean’s prayers. I cannot fill him with hope, I need to make sure…”

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t think he’ll be able to handle it, if we end up failing…”

“He probably thinks I’m an asshole” Jack grinned bitterly. “Or that I’m too busy, or I forgot…”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t pray to Jack cause I missed him too bad, and I didn’t think I’ll ever see him again. And about Castiel, I just understood it’s impossible to bring him back, the second everyone else have returned. If that were possible, Jack would bring him back with everyone else, too. I didn’t realise there may be a different possibility.

“You really think you can do this? Bring him back?” I asked instead.

“I have to. And I will” He looked at me, stubborn and determined. “I just need time”

I took a deep breath. That was heavy. Seeing Jack again, knowing the truth about Cas. Stay silent for Dean. This is not the first time I have been hiding something from my brother. But at least now it is more than justified.

Next week Eileen arrived, and things got a little better. Dean was very happy to see her, though, like, really glad. The three of us been spending a lot of time together, constantly chatting about everything, watching movies, cooking, even playing board games. What can I say? Eileen is a ball of sunshine, of course everything’s better in her presence.

And I knew Dean felt better, too. Since there were no news from Jack in weeks, I decided it was a good tactic, to keep the bunker filled with people we love. So, I called everyone, and the next month was full with friendly visits.

Kaia and Claire came first and stayed for few days, they were on a hunt in a town nearby. Then Jody and Alex joined us. They both took two weeks leave from work and decided to spend some of it with us. Gotta say, I was upset when they left. Not least because Dean stopped making delicious “special occasion” pancakes for breakfast.

Charlie and Stevie called. They were on a vacation too - just left to travel around Europe for a month. Yeah, good for them. They promised to meet up with us as soon as they come back.

Donna couldn't make it to us, cause she was too busy. Things were relatively quiet in Stillwater, but her deputy got sick, so she had to work a little harder those days. So me, Eileen and Dean went to visit her instead. Those were two good days, a lot of hugs and donuts and the latest police gossips.

The next stop was Garth's house, and Eileen was extremely excited to meet the whole werewolf family. Little Cas and Sam grew bigger and Garth warned us to be careful now with their teeth. Good point. We didn't stay for long though, just for dinner, but Eileen is now Gertie's bestie, and Gertie calls her "giant's girlfriend".

Not long after we got back to bunker, Bobby stopped by for a beer. He was doing well, too, same as all the rest of the survived refugees from the Apocalypse world. They all quit hunting and settled in Lebanon, living their lives peacefully. It was good to see him, all clean and calm. He deserved his retirement.

That was, actually, the exact moment I realised I don’t want to hunt anymore. I’m done. No more blood on my hands.

Yeah, there’s still a lot of things to hunt in this world. But I just don’t want to. But we’re still the last men of letters. Why not to become…a mentors? Turn bunker into headquarters again? We can’t just leave all the lore, all the knowledge here, untouched.

This thought has firmly settled in the backyard of my mind. Yes, we'll come back to this later, for sure. When we will figure out all the things.

A nice month, yeah. Then Eileen went to help her friends with a little ghoul problem. I must say, I’m still overprotective, but at least I agreed to let her go by herself, since she gave me The Look. Okay, three of them will be there, one ghoul. They can handle it. Besides, “Girl needs to have fun sometimes, Sam!” and yes, she needed some space. And she promised to keep me updated.

It was the evening I’ve received “All done! That was too easy, I’m disappointed. We’re driving to their place now, it’s couple of hours. Facetime you soon!” No, I wasn’t relieved, because I wasn’t worried, honestly! But still went to Dean’s cave, where he was watching something, to tell him the news.

“Hey, got a message from Eileen, she kicked that ghoul’s ass”

“Ha! I didn't doubt her!” Dean grinned at me, making a sound of the TV quieter.

“Yeah, she probably will be home in few days. Listen…”

I didn’t finish. Bright light filled the corridor.

“Sam. Now” I couldn’t even see his face, but Jack’s voice was loud and high with emotion.

“What?? Jack??” I screamed back.

“What is happening?” Dean ran out the room, facing the light in the hallway. “Jack?? Sam, what’s going on?”

“Sorry, I didn't have time to warn you. It happened all at once. Sam, I'm coming in, I found the entrance. I can do it, I know. Explain to him, tell him…” And he disappeared.

We were standing there, shaking in shock.

“What the hell is going on? Explain me what? Sam? The fuck is happening? Was that Jack?”

I wasn’t ready for this, it happened not the way I imagined. I though I’ll have enough time for this conversation. What was I suppose to do? Explain? How??

Dean was looking at me, eyes wide with concern. Okay, okay… just gonna tell it the way it is, calm and slow.

“Yeah, it was Jack…” And my mouth turned dry.

“….and?” Dean kept looking at me “Explain what? Sam, cmon! He was worried, goddamit! What’s going on?”

“Okay, okay… He, umm. For the past months he’s been trying to get to The Empty”

Dean was speechless. He turned pale.

“He couldn’t get there, he couldn’t even summon the Entity to talk. He thought it was because of the explosion. But he, umm, he kept on trying. He promised me he will keep trying.”

“He… promised you?”

“Yeah… He appeared here, a little more then a month ago. He…” It was hard to look into my brother’s eyes, but somehow, I did it. “Dean, he was trying to bring Cas back. All this time”

His expression was unreadable. Something between anger, fear, disbelief and shock.

“And you didn’t tell me…”

“Because he asked. Because he wasn’t sure how long will it take. He wanted to tell you, when he’s ready to do it. And I didn’t want to tell you too, because if we fail at this…”

“Okay, shut up” He leaned into the wall, all trembling, trying to calm his breath. “He said… he said “Now!” Does it mean… Sammy, what does it mean?”

There was a plea in his eyes. So much fear. And a plea.

“Yes.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “You've heard him”

Dean grabbed my shoulder.

“Sammy…”

The bunker started to shake - the walls, the floor, as like an earthquake.

“Sammy… the dungeon”

And we ran, as fast as we could.

So yeah, today we finally went to buy Cas some closes, although he seems to like all those Dean’s hoodies, he looks like an E.T., when he wears them.

Nothing extraordinary, just basic stuff like jeans and shirts and sweaters. Though Dean bought him a cowboy hat, and I swear I could hear quiet “Not again..” from Cas. But he scored with picking one of the world’s ugliest sweaters that I’ve ever seen - blue, with a giant yellow bee on the front. Dean’s face was pure shock when he saw that one, and he immediately put it out of the shopping basket, shaking his head. But the second Cas got distracted with his shoelaces, Dean put that ugly piece back and quickly went to the checkout.

Now he’s drinking strawberry milkshake in the backseat.

It’s a movie night tonight. Eileen makes popcorn.

#destiel fic #destiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #fieryfrankie #seraphcastiel #becauseofthebowties #casjpg #userdainty #holmesemrys #scottstiles #ugh sorry probably lot of mistakes and typos here:)))#I'm too lazy....dasdfghjkl #and there's a lot of missing pieces here. I saved some explanations for the further chapters ggggg:)#fic tag

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leahseclipse · 4 years ago

Text

Confessions, surprises and joyful events

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: What worse thing could happen other than calm and nice coffee dates when the genius resident happens to forget items when suddenly called in, causing their secret to come out?

Warnings: Mentions of losing someone, death (not concerning any of the characters); usual cm stuff, but otherwise, its just fluff

Category: Fluff

Word count: 13.5k

A/N: And here’s the last fic of this ‘kinda’ series!!! yesh I know the summary sucks LMAO, but- I hope you guys will like it, I apologize if some moments are ehhh, especially towards the end, I’ve been working on it for a while and as the total is 25k, I really had no other idea, I really drained them all into that massive one-

And that one is still attached to the prevs fics I had wrote for the fic swap for @sunlight-moonrise :)

Continuation of Dear diary, and Souvenirs, secrets and coffee dates

This night went better than expected. We didn’t go to bed at 2 -for once-, but around 11:30 PM, so even if it’s still late, it’s better than nothing.

Considering all of the stuff we have to do today, and probably in the next few days, we couldn’t allow ourselves to go to bed at the hour people usually get up for work, such as 6AM...or more.

And it would also be a lie to say that we didn’t go to bed at this hour once.

Nonetheless, we both were excited about the activities of the day, and if I’m not wrong, we’re at our fourth coffee mission-date.

Yeah, none of us figured out a proper and official title for it, so we’ve just been altering between dates and mission.

At the same time, it’s a date, it’s been a while since we haven’t got to have a moment to ourselves, and it’s also -as said- a mission. We like to set small challenges, especially when we happen to have time like this week.

Talking about this week, I have to admit that not receiving a call has stayed quite surprising, even now. Before we had the idea of doing our coffee dates, I had just come back from almost two weeks of work.

I had been away for a week, had just three days of ‘vacation time’, and had been called back for another week. So, I think that it's not weird at all to be surprised, all of us probably are.

I just hope they won’t decide to have a party or something, because I can never find myself to refuse and find a proper excuse that doesn’t raise suspicions, now that I have a girlfriend.

I can’t believe that I almost used Ethan as an excuse to not attend once, and the idiot I am forgot he happened to be in New Orleans at this time.

Basically all planes were cancelled because of the weather, and if I had happened to let his name slip, as they probably know that I know him, they would have wanted to know more...especially Penelope.

And the idiot I still am would have tried to find another excuse, that -of course- would have miserably failed as well.

I just hope we’ll get to have a few more days before I eventually get called back, it’d be nice.

It’d also be nice if I would stop to think about a possible call, because if y/n would hear me she’d complain about me bringing bad luck.

Normally as it is only some superstitions, it doesn’t happen, but again -as expected-, last time when I had said that a possible call was coming, I received one just two days later.

So, I think that I’m gonna pass on this subject.

I also wish I didn’t have to be the one responsible for waking her up; she’s...quite difficult when it comes to that, and most of the time, we’ll either end up being 30 minutes late, or just not go where we had to at all.

But since what we were supposed to do was important, she really had to get up, even if I had to drag her out of the bed.

“Y/N, come on, I’ve been trying to get you out of the bed since nine, and even gave you twenty minutes more.”

“Jus’ a bit more…”

“Alright, I’ll go to the library all day then.”

“No, you’re stayin’ with me.” She said, as she sat up and grabbed my sleeve.

“You want me to help you get ready?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, give me your hand.” I extended mine, as she lazily took it. “There you go sleepy head.”

“I’m not a sleepy head. It’s my morning head, that’s all.”

“Your morning head is a sleepy one.”

“No, it’s a well-rested one.”

“Okay, you won the fight.”

“I always win arguments.” She proudly announced, while she got up, stretching up a bit. “So...are we going to the one we saw on internet yesterday, it really had good reviews, and a nice website, which is...a good sign usually.”

“Yeah, it is. It really sounded nice, plus I think I’ve heard about it from other people, and they’ve had pretty good experiences. I say we go for it, might as well enjoy it before...work calls again.”

“You’re going to bring us bad luck, stop with that.”

“It counts for you as well. You mentioned it yesterday.”

“...I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“No, I’m sure your brain is tricking you.”

“Once again, I am sure it’s not. I know my brain well, and it never lies.”

“Pff, you know your brain? I’ve never heard such a ridiculous thing.”

“Says the-girl-who-forgets-her-stuff.”

“Hey! Don’t use that nickname, the diary story was an accident.”

“You didn’t trust yourself enough that you had to give me your number.”

“No, it wasn’t for that, I just wanted to chat.”

“Even years later, you still lie.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, one more remark, and instead of going out, I’m making you clean my whole apartment for a week.”

“...I’m going to get ready.”

“That’s what I thought genius.”

“Why am I being called ‘genius’ when I’m not supposed to call you ‘the-girl-who-forgets-her-stuff?’, hm?” I joked.

“Everyone calls you genius at work, see it as a third name.”

“Then if what I call you is your name, it’s kind of long. Y/N, Y/M/N, the-girl-who-forgets-her-stuff, Y/L/N.”

“Okay, if I stop using genius, will you stop with that?”

“...maybe.” I answered, as she hit me with her shirt. “Okay, okay! I’ll stop!”

“You’re really nice when you want, see?”

“I’m not a puppy either.”

“You have puppy eyes, same stuff.” She briefly said.

“Who says?”

“Me.”

“Only you is not enough to be convincing.”

“Who says?” She repeats.

“Do you want me to get the excuse I took at the library?”

“Which?” Y/N asked, visibly confused.

“That you had to be more polite, else, I won’t listen.”

“I’m going to warm up the car.” She grabs the keys, changing the subject.

“I love to mess with you.”

“Shut up.” She says before leaving, earning a sneaky laugh from me.

When I had gotten out of the building after a few minutes, I swore that Y/N could have left without me if I would have tried to mess with her again.

She didn’t though, but she warned me (jokingly, she had said…), that she wouldn’t have hesitated a bit.

In most cases, she really isn’t kidding, and wasn’t at all this time.

The only thing I got when I had gotten in the car was a hit on the arm, that...kinda still hurt for a bit even after a few minutes.

But, we both know it wasn’t serious. We often do that, and we usually make jokes like ‘I’m going to murder you and pretend someone killed you in the night’, ‘I’m gonna have Hotch yell at you by making you late’, or even, her favorite one, ‘I’m gonna steal your phone and announce our relationship.’.

Which….when it was told after a few months we began dating, would stop the teasing from me, and end in a fit of laughter, as we would discuss it; and jump to other subjects.

That joke is less...uncomfortable, or the kind to stop the conversation, as we really talked about it, and kind of planned to say it before we’d end up married with two kids.

I know that they’ll be happy whether I announce it while she’s my girlfriend, or my wife, and mother of my kids, but still, it’s been a while, and I think that they deserve to know, they’re like family to me.

Even my mother, who had just met them a few times, appreciates them a lot.

But once they’ll know, Y/N will have to prepare herself; because she’s gonna receive a lot of questions from Garcia, who’s probably going to get her to come as often as possible; some messages from the team, a lot of invitations, because to be honest, they’ll all be really surprised that I got a girlfriend, and as it’s been a while, they’ll have a lot to ask and tell.

I just hope that they won’t...mention what happened in my early days.

Some stories are kind of embarrassing, and not really nice to recall to me.

Knowing Morgan’s, he’s either going to mention what happened with Lila Archer, or the gun qualification that I failed (but, that I got, after I shot between a guy’s eyes in one shot, so this story will only be half bad).

...he could also tell both.

But, I know for sure that they’ll welcome her with open arms. They’ll really appreciate her.

She’s done a lot for me, and I can really say that she...somehow made my life better, in a way (She says that I’m cheesy, when I say that).

I honestly have no idea what would have happened if she took her diary back before I even got to see it, I would have never paid attention to the shop on my way as usual, I would only go to the library for the usual reason, my life wouldn’t have changed even a bit.

I like to say that fate has reunited us, but in another way, I like that she happened to be so distracted to the point of forgetting it.

I can’t really imagine having to not see her anymore; we’ve been so used to each other that we constantly have to see each other, and at least hear the other’s voice if I’m at work.

Literally, all of the free time that we have, it’s spent with the other.

We also happen to hang out with our friends, but most of the time; we’re always together.

I noticed that we don’t tend to go outside often, we both prefer to stay outside, and once, we even cancelled plans at the restaurant at the last minute as we were both too lazy to even get ready.

That also happened in the morning; none of us had work, and we decided to spend most of the day in bed, and we didn't do even anything till a few hours, we just talked and cuddled.

So, these coffee dates are kind of a miracle; because knowing our shared laziness, we wouldn’t have done that at all.

It’s our fourth one today, and it's going pretty well.

I’ve thrown facts the whole time, and she didn’t mind.

She actually asked for others, at each of them.

Y/N was totally into it.

And that kind of made me laugh, I even said that she looked like a nerd, or even a teacher’s pet.

That’s why we enjoyed it, we laughed a lot during those, and actually planned to go outside more, which is...totally crazy.

I don’t know what is happening to us, but, some miracle fought off our laziness, and now, we’re going outside a lot.

Our coffee dates also made y/n drive more.

She would never touch the wheel, unless if it was at 1am for emergency snacks, and now, she insists every time.

I think I’ve only driven at the first, but not fully, as she took over on the way back.

We’ve also discovered a lot of coffee shops, I’ve walked in front of some, but never actually went inside.

I guess our coffee dates are mainly us, testing out what they have, and when we’ll run out of shops; we’ll basically try to choose the best.

She even purchased a notebook for us to put our ratings in.

I really never saw her taking something so seriously.

She also created another folder on her phones, with a lot of pics. The majority of them have my face, and she took most of them when I was looking away.

Y/N mentioned that she really likes my side profile, which at the moment was...kind of weird, but, I got used to it, and even looked on the side on purpose as I knew she’d taken a picture without fail.

I think that she has one where I’m turning around; she didn’t get to take my side profile before I turned, it was kind of blurry, but I insisted on keeping it.

We might print the pictures and make a scrapbook at this point; it would be fun.

I know she’ll like the idea.

“Okay, so...are we ordering one of the basics, or are we going a bit fancy today?” Y/N asked.

“Go for the fancy option, that’ll change.”

“Alright, you go get settled, and I’ll be right back.” She said, kissing my nose at “right”. I always like that.

She knows every single thing that makes me happy. It’s kind of crazy, she almost knows me better than I do.

I’m also pretty sure she knows that I hate when she goes away, even if she’s two meters away, and is going to come back in just a bit.

I just really like to be with her, and this might be childish or something, but I almost got her late once because I didn’t want her to go yet once.

At least I won’t have to do that this week. None of us have work, and I just have to hope I won’t be called in.

I’m the only one that could completely cancel our plans, and even though I know she won’t be angry as we managed to get five days without a call disturbing us, it’ll still somehow leave a bitter feeling.

She told me to stop worrying, and just, enjoy the moment, but I just can’t help but think about it, and even though she’s not a profiler, she can tell when I’m worrying about something.

So, might as well quit worrying, and just enjoy our dates, because always thinking about the calls might end up bringing us bad luck as she constantly says.

Y/N even has a sticky note on her desk counting how many times I’ve either worried about it, and brought up the subject.

So far...I’ve said it about seven times, and it’ll probably turn to eight if she notices.

“You know, you can say it if there’s something wrong.”

There goes the possible eighth time.

“Oh, sorry, what did you say?”

“I see it that something is bothering you. Did you prefer us to stay home today?”

“No, no, not at all! I really wanted to go out with you. It’s not the problem.”

“So, what’s the actual problem?”

“You know it.”

“Oh, quit that cellphone. Just smash it on the ground and wait for them to come.”

“You know that’s not how it works.”

“That’s the only wait for you to stop worrying. That’s the eighth time.”

“It’s not even the eighth at this point, it’s the fortieth.”

“Or the hundredth.”

“Yeah, I got it. I worry a lot.”

“I’m not even a profiler and I can just tell like that. Quit your job and let me take your spot, I’m gonna impress them all.”

“Are you going to enjoy the ‘waking up at 4am’, ‘being away for a week’, ‘risking getting killed’ parts though?”

“...not the ‘4am’ one, no.”

“Try applying as a secretary, maybe. It’s calm.”

“If I have enough of my job at the craft job, okay. I’ll make sure to be in the same section. I’m gonna be the best secretary they’ll ever see.”

“You’re going to make us late though. When I’ll have to leave you’re gonna try to get a few more seconds to talk with me.”

“I may.”

“Hotch’s not going to like this.”

“Eh, he won’t say anything. We’re two young people in love, so, if he doesn’t have a rock heart as...you always tell me how strict he’s...he’ll be okay with it.”

“Not if it happens a lot. I tell you. Hotch isn’t kidding when it comes to that. He may accept some occasional late reports, but not a late arrival when we have to immediately go on the field.”

“Okay, then I won’t do it.”

“...one or two times won’t hurt. If we do one a week, and the other two weeks and...a half later, maybe it’ll pass. Who knows?” I suggested.

“I don’t want you to get fired. This job is important.”

“...yeah, kind of.”

“Plus, we have to tell them, at least before you get fired.” She joked.

“If I get fired, I won’t have to tell them as I won’t see them as often as I want. I’ll have another job and we’ll all be busy.”

“It’s kind of smart but...don’t you dare do that. That’s not genius.”

“You suggested something, and I went along with it. You started it, not me.”

“A suggestion isn’t an obligation, or a serious thing. I never forced you to do it. It was only “if”, never said anything serious.”

“You know that I always take you seriously.”

“Too seriously that you couldn’t catch jokes.”

“I understood it, I just played along with you.”

“If I hadn’t interrupted you, it looked like you would have almost done it.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“Mhm.”

“Did you really think I’d do it?”

“Knowing you...there was a chance you would have done it. A slim one.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” She honestly answered, taking a sip of her coffee as she kept her glance on me.

“I wouldn’t do it, it was only a joke, nothing more. Even if it’s...full of pretty big risks, I still enjoy it.”

“It’s scary as hell, yeah. And even though I’m not with you, I still feel the stress.”

“I have to admit that I scared you...a lot.”

“You bet. The ‘out of battery’ days really scared me.”

“Yeah, sorry for that.”

“It’s okay, I’m not mad. You’re still there, and now we’re on...I still didn’t find a name for it.”

“What was the original name already?” I asked.

“Coffee mission slash dates. Not amazing.”

“We can’t really settle on only one at the same time.”

“We can’t. But at the same moment, we kind of have to choose one.”

“Coffee mission slash dates isn’t the best, but it’s the only thing we could think about, it’s better than not having one.”

“You’re kinda right. It’s okay if we keep that one.”

“I guess so.”

“By the way, as...I see we’re basically done. What are we saying for this one? Do you want to try something else before we write our review?” She asked.

“We can have another one. Only roughly 80 to 100 cups of coffee would turn into a lethal dose, so...it should be okay.”

“It’s kind of morbid, and creepy.”

“It’s still useful to know it.”

“I didn’t need to know that my source of energy can kill me. Now I think that I may have to slow down.”

“It can kill me too. I drink way too much when I’m at work then at home.”

“Imagine that the autopsy guy has to say to your family that you died because of a caffeine overdose. That’d be...either dumb, or embarassing. Gosh, it’s not funny.”

“Yeah, sorry. That fact was just stuck in my head.”

“Choose less morbid ones next time.”

“Don’t worry-”

“Yeah. So, uh, didn’t you say you wanted to try that one too? It sounds cool.”

“Why not, okay.”

“Okay, I’m going. You stay there.”

“But- You don’t have to.”

“I’m going, it’s okay.”

“Pff, ok. You can go.”

“I’ll be right back anyway. Don’t be sad.”

“I’m not sad.”

“Is that so? You should have seen your face.”

“I wasn’t sad.”

“If you say so.” She said, before leaving as she headed to the counter again.

We’re really little kids sometimes.

Maybe that’s why we get along.

We’re more childish than serious most of the time.

On that, we’re kind of equal I’d say, but...it depends.

I’m the childish one these days.

I still haven’t found a way to announce her to them, because...even if I really like them, I still don’t really want to.

It’s mostly for security reasons, with all that happened during my years, I’m kind of afraid.

I’ll have to tell them one day, eventually though.

They’re gonna bug me even more if I wait too much.

“Stop overthinking.” Y/N interrupted, as she set the two cups on the table.

“I can’t.”

“You have to, eventually. If this is about the cellphone, or not having enough dates, or even, that we have to tell them, you have to stop. We already had four, it’s a miracle.”

“To be honest, yeah. I wouldn’t hope we’ll have more.”

“What about we tell them if we get another one?”

“I’m gonna receive a call before.”

“No, we won’t. I’m the one between the two of us that bring us luck. So, we’ll have our fifth one.”

“Okay, we’ll see. Even if I’m not really sure. But, I hope we do though.”

“I can guarantee we’ll have it. Now drink your coffee before it gets cold.”

“Cold coffee isn’t bad.”

“Yes it is! That one isn’t meant to be drunk cold. If it had ice, then yeah.”

“Stop criticizing my choices, it’s not nice!”

“Your choices are so bad that I have to be on your back.”

“You’re not my mom.”

“...you sure about that? I’ve acted as your mom a lot of times because of some of your choices. I don’t even remember them all, there’s so many.”

“Not a lot. That’s why you don’t remember.”

“I don’t have your brain, but I remember some.”

“I’m not that immature, and...irresponsible.”

“Okay, you’re not that immature. I exaggerated.”

“It’s nice of you to admit your mistake.” I joked.

“I’m gonna take my words back, be careful. I might not even wake you up if you get a call. That way you’ll have Hotch yell at you.”

“You’ll make coffee for yourself, that’ll wake me up.”

“How?”

“The smell of coffee can help you wake up in the morning.”

“Hm. Guess we don’t need alarms then. You’ll build us a machine that automatically starts the machine and we’ll be up in no time.”

“At this rate, we could also install a webcam in front of it, if we do it every morning, at each nap, and all day.

“A webcam?”

“I saw somewhere that people working at the University of Cambridge knew the feeling of finding an empty coffee pot so well, that they invented the first ever webcam with the sole purpose of checking the status of the coffee pot.”

“That’s actually kinda smart.”

“I know, right? That way we don’t have to check, but the one that’ll have to fill it back up will receive tons of notifications, so it'll kind of be annoying.”

“...yeah. I don’t want it anymore.”

“You’ll probably be the one receiving the notifications more often since you’ll be home.”

“That’s why I changed my mind. I don’t want you to see how often I drink, because...trust me it’s a lot.”

“...I do the same at work.”

“That’s why we get along. We get each other, basically have the same habits. We’re the perfect couple.”

“You kind of sound drunk when you say that, I don’t know. It sounds like something you’d say while being drunk.”

“Kind of, yeah.” She agreed, laughing. “Throw another fact, we’ll continue in the car.”

“Let me think...oh, I got one. From statistics, the average American spends around $20 a week on coffee, which is around...$1.092 per year. Yikes.”

“What keeps us awake when we’re running on two hours of sleep makes us broke. Cool.”

“That’s where our salaries go.”

“...yep. That’s where. Surprise.”

“I don’t think they’ll really be surprised. Look how many hours we sleep. My sleep schedule is already buried.”

“Yeah, it is. Remember all the days where we went to bed at 1am and you got woken up at 4am? The next days were hell to stay awake.”

“...I remember. I hate those days. if I get a phone call, let me have five or six hours at least.”

“I’m starting to wonder if they’re not spying on us to see at which hour we go to bed.”

“Same. It happened way too many times. It’s getting quite...annoying.”

“Not really for me, I’d wake up because of the phone one time out of two. It was more annoying when I’d wake up to see I was alone.”

“You’d have a note, at least.”

“Yep, but....wasn’t amazing.”

“You would have been angry either way if I would have woken you up.”

“I would have gone straight back, yeah. You’re not wrong.”

“I’m always right. I’m not the best in the whole FBI building for nothing.”

“Quit showing off. We know you’re smart.”

“It was just in case you forgot.”

“How could I forget? You tell me that you have an 187 IQ without telling it every time you speak. It’s kind of obvious that you’re not an idiot to me.”

“You’re smart too, you could figure out that I was.”

“Is there a meaning behind that or…?”

“Why would there be one y/n?”

“I don’t know. You sound...narcissistic, and it was kind of like...you told I was dumb, Reid.”

“No, you’re not! I was kidding.”

“Mhm.”

“Okay, I’m sorry if I sounded ‘narcissistic’, it wasn’t my intention, I was just kidding.”

“I just have trouble knowing if you’re joking or not sometimes. But, you are forgiven, doctor.”

“It’s weird hearing you say that. Why don’t you just say ‘Spencer’?”

“Doctor, and Reid are more...fancy.”

“Okay, if you like it.”

“I do like it.”

“Then I don’t have anything to say on it.”

“Indeed.” She proudly replied.

“You know that I really like you?"

"I do." She answered, her shy smile breaking into a bigger one.

"Are you okay with uh...cheesy stuff? Because like, it kind of is."

"I've always had a liking for these, so I don't mind at all."

"Oh- okay, I was afraid you wouldn't uh…."

"...like it? Of course I do. I always like it when you say that you love me."

"I can't say otherwise, or even refrain myself from saying it. When I see you smile, I just...you know. I really like to see you happy."

"You're gonna make me cry Spencer- I spent a while doing my makeup." She joked.

"Okay, I'll wait until we're at home then."

"Okay."

"It's kinda good that we came in early. Coffee is better when it's taken between 9:30 to 11:30AM from what I saw."

"...really? There's a 'good timing' for it to be more effective? It's weird."

"Kind of. If you're tired at 11pm and decide to drink it, it's only gonna work at 50%."

"For real...it's annoying. Especially for you, your shifts are long as hell. I'm sorry for all the times I yelled at you over the phone."

"You had your reasons, I'm the best at getting people worried to death." He said, as he got his eyes back on the road after briefly shaking his head at her.

"Can't deny."

"No one can't."

"The number of times when you only had a battery problem, gosh. I wanted to kill you because of these."

"You didn't kill me, I'm still here."

"I can still kill you, if you want. I might have a pocket knife somewhere."

"No- I take it back, it's ok. I'm good." I said, "panicking".

"Hm. Too bad. It was a new one, 'wanted to try it on."

"...that's not really reassuring y/n."

"At least you'll be even more careful." She said, throwing me a sneaky smile.

"...will do."

"Good to know."

"I was going to say that you were going to be the death of me, but I'm already doing that to you with my job. Guess I'll have to find something else."

"You're gonna have to think hard. Because from what you said, your job is superior to everything in terms of scaring the death out of people."

"The #1."

"Premium #1. It's a better term." She corrected.

"...do you still love me though?"

"Of course, that's why I haven't killed you yet."

"I'm gonna have to sleep with one eye tonight."

"It's gonna be creepy man. I won't kill you, so, don't do that...please"

"I love how it's easy to make you change your mind with things you hate."

"I can still change my mind, even if I hate it."

"...sorry." I apologized with a tiny voice, which caused us to break into laughter for a minute, before I stopped before y/n, who still had a bit of trouble to stop laughing. "Do I need to call 911 or is everything okay?"

"It's just- your tiny voice is always fun as hell- gosh, I really had a good laugh."

"We don't need much to laugh apparently.' I pointed out.

"How can anybody not laugh at that? The way you said it was amazing."

"I'm gonna be offended if you keep laughing at me."

"I can't promise you I won't laugh again ah that."

"If you laugh at my voice, I'm allowed to laugh at you when you fall out of bed then."

"Okay, deal. You're allowed."

"At least it's even. But- you can't go back on that, you said you agreed on it."

"I promise, I'm not going back on it." She confirmed.

“Okay, just so it’s clear.”

“It is. I granted you permission to laugh at me.”

“I never granted you permission and you did it a lot of times, that’s not fair.”

“I’m allowed to laugh at you, it’s not the same. I have a special “nice girlfriend” pass.”

“...okay you have a point.”

“I’ve always had it. I’m smart, maybe smarter than you. The FBI should seriously hire me, they’re missing out without me.”

“We’re never going to be able to focus if we work together.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to present me.”

“Prepare yourself in advance. Once they’ll get your number, you’re gonna be overwhelmed with texts. They’re gonna want to know about the secret I kept.”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I may have to go there myself if you chicken out.”

“Hey, that’s not nice. I’m hurt.”

“Okay- I may have to go there myself if you don’t resolve yourself to do it- oh, it’s the same. Even if I word it differently, it’s the same.”

“I’m mad at you.”

“No, you’re not. You love me too much to be mad at me.”

“...how do you know everything about me? I’m scared.”

“I hacked into your brain.”

“Clearly.” I said; nervously laughing. “What do you think would be the password of my brain?”

“Um...either a doctor who or star trek related thing.”

“Hm. Maybe. It’s kinda difficult though; I like a lot of things. I’d probably end up putting your name if I can’t decide.”

“Yeah, same. There’s so much stuff.”

“If I take all of the books, tv shows, writers….yeah. Your name.”

“I’d probably struggle too. Your name.” She repeated.

“Isn’t it risky to let the other know our passwords?”

“I mean...we share the same brain cells sometimes, we’re 24/7 together, we’re interested in the same stuff so...eh. Not really.”

“That’s fair enough to be honest. I still remember last time; when we forgot to take the pasta out of the water because a video on twitter distracted us.”

“...I remember that. We had to order takeout after.”

“And the takeout wasn’t that good. I would have prefered the over-boiled pasta.”

“Same...these $35 weren’t that worth it.”

“$5 dollar over boiled pasta would have been better.”

“Yeah, it would have. But, let’s not try to forget it tonight. Over-boiled pasta isn’t my favorite thing.”

“Then we’ll have to turn off all of our devices.”

“...yeah. Let’s hope the clock won’t fail on us.”

“I’m not even sure if we have batteries left, and the store is closed.”

“Guess it’s gonna be one hell of a night.” She pointed out, as the car came to a stop.

“You said it.” I answered, as we both exited the car.

“Spencer, hey, wake up.”

“What’s...going on?”

“ ‘thing’s ringing.”

“What the…?” He mumbled as he took his phone from his nightstand, rubbing his eyes. “Oh, come on.”

“Guess we’re not having our fifth date.”

“...guess not. This sucks, I’m sorry.”

“ ‘s not your fault. At least let me have a quick hug before you go for god knows how long.”

“Just one, I really have to go.” I precised, wrapping my arms around her waist, as she put her head in the crook of my neck.

“I’m gonna miss you Spence.”

“Me too. I promise it won’t be too long.”

“Mhm. Oh, at least it’s not 4AM.”

“Yeah, it kind of surprised me to see that it was 9AM.”

“Same. Are you directly going on the jet or are you gonna uh...what’s the thing, briefing at the office?”

“Uh, yeah, Morgan told me to go to the office first.”

“Okay, call me before you go then.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll call.” I reassured, kissing her on the cheek as I sprinted through the hall. “Have a good day!”

“Same!” She yelled, as I closed the door.

What a great week ahead of us.

I annoyedly sighed as I got out of the building, taking the car as she had mentioned that she wouldn’t need it today.

I kind of felt bad, we had taken a small break on coffee mission-dates as we didn’t feel like it, and in the meantime, she also went to work for a day as a coworker needed someone to replace her, and after that, just when we planned to go out again...my phone rang, which was nothing but good.

I’ll make sure to call her as often as I can, that’s the least I can do till I come back.

As he left, I kind of ‘slept’ for at least ten minutes before I even found the motivation to get out of bed, which was kind of hard.

I’m really attached to my bed, and it’s really complicated for me to get up in the morning, Spencer helps me out usually.

It’s a miracle I managed to get out before falling back asleep and waking up at 12, especially on my own.

It’s kind of a great achievement to be honest, I should call him later to…

I paused, as I saw what seemed like his phone on the table.

...guess I’m not gonna call him.

What the hell am I going to do?

I can’t go there, no one even knows me.

Why did he have to forget his damn phone?

He doesn’t even have another one, how the hell am I going to do to get it to him?

I just...know his code, he randomly told it to me, and he knows mine too, so...yeah.

For god’s sake, I’m gonna have to call in, ‘I’m a cousin, friend, whatever’ excuse is gonna have to be the one I’m gonna throw.

Now or never I guess.

I turned on the phone, entering the password as I opened the contacts app, not really knowing who to call.

He had mentioned that Hotch was his superior, but I would be a stressed mess the second he’d begin taking, and it wouldn’t do anything but waste time.

What about Penelope? She seemed quite nice from his sayings, I could possibly reach out to her.

Let’s give it a try, I guess.

I clicked on the contact, pressing the call button as I brought the phone to my ear.

“Spencer, why are you calling? Aren’t you with Luke in the conference room?”

“It’s not Reid, I’m...a friend. He forgot his phone...and his badge thingy at my place, I saw the second thing as I called. I uh...didn't know he was working so I went to his place, and I guess he’s at work now.”

“Huh, he never forgets it. That’s weird. But, I never heard about you, are you like...a school pal or whatever person he met at a library or other?”

“Uh...We knew each other at school, yeah- anyway, is there a way for me to take it to him? I’ve...never been to his place, you know.”

“Oh uh...I can go see him, he’s right there. You could come here, but...I don’t know if you’re cleared to go here. Let me...oh, is your name y/n...y/l/n?”

“Yeah- did he put me in his emergency contacts or…?”

“Well, you’re in the visitor lists, so, I guess so, in a way, yeah. You must be an important friend then.”

“Yeah- we know...each other for a while- yeah.”

“That’s weird, he never mentioned you. I’ll have to ask about you later, I’m kind of interested.”

“Yeah- uh, he’s working at the FBI building, right? What floor is it even?”

“Yes, it’s that. It’s the sixth, you’ll have to hurry though, they should be going soon.”

“I’ll be right there. See you...I guess.”

“See you there!”

Oh god, that was the most stressful situation- how did I not panic? Did she find the fact that I’m able to enter his apartment weird and suspect I’m his partner? Am I supposed to be panicked or chill about it?

Shit.

As the briefing who lasted a bit more than planned came to his end, as I briefly checked my bag to see if everything was in it, my phone and badge were missing.

How did I forget them? I swore that I had taken it before leaving.

How can I even do?

I could possibly attempt a quick trip to my apartment, but that'd only be a waste of time.

I sighed as I climbed down the stairs, suddenly getting interrupted by the sound of a nearby elevator when I happened to walk in that direction before.

I...regret not thinking in advance about my words, as...people were behind me.

“Oh, hey babe- what’s...” I said as soon as she appeared, as I was coming to the realization that I had...messed up when the expressions around me changed. “...up.”

“...hey.” Y/N quietly said after noticing the look on everyone’s faces.

“Did he- is she?” Luke asked, confused.

“I- You forgot this- these.” She informed, taking the two items in her hand as she handed them to me.

‘What are we supposed to do?’ I inclined my head to the side, frowning my eyebrows.

‘I don’t know!’ She shrugged.

“Oh- are you his friend I had on the phone?” A blonde chirped, walking in.

“It’s ‘girlfriend’, apparently.” Luke corrected.

“But- So-”

“She’s my girlfriend, yeah. I didn’t tell you for..reasons, and-”

“You guys should go- We’ll talk all about this when we get back.” Y/N interrupted.

“Reid's been hiding you, and you don’t think I want to know about that?” Penelope asked.

“But- you’re working on a case, I’m not supposed to-”

“If it’s FBI shit, you’ll just put your hands over your ears and close your eyes, it’s okay.” She waved it off, pulling her aside as they went in the elevator.

“I’ll see you later Spence.”

“Okay, see you-” I said, as the door closed. “No- No questions. Not know.”

“We didn’t set anything.” JJ answered.

“...yet.” Emily continued.

“So, what happened? We didn’t see anything, I mean- I kind of suspected...sometimes but-”

“It’s...kind of long. I mean you have work and-”

“I can do two things at the same time.”

“Well uh...we didn’t know each other at first.”

“So like- it’s a fate thing or-”

“Maybe? I mean- I lost my diary at the library, I forgot it when I went to work, and he told me that he found it, didn’t want it to get lost, and so, he asked around where I could be found and, we met.”

“It sounds like cinderella.”

“...kind of. Never thought about that.”

“It really is, like- if you had never lost it, he’d just be a guy sitting with his book.”

“I wouldn’t have the courage to talk to him, because...I think I would have found him interesting.”

“You can thank your brain for making you forget about it. You got a nice boyfriend because of it- wait, I didn’t ask if you were-”

“We’re not engaged yet-”

“I’m gonna tell him to hurry as soon as I get a call with him- How did he not already propose to you?”

“It’s okay- It’s only been one year and a few months, we have-”

“Please let me plan the wedding.”

“It can wait I’m-”

“I have to plan it.”

“Okay but-”

“You’re gonna have to get used to here, you’re gonna come...quite often. Maybe with my apartment too, and Rossi’s. He organizes amazing game nights, it’s always fun.”

“...that’s why Spencer told me to prepare myself-”

“We’re not gonna let you go for a while. I bet they’re harassing him with questions right now.”

“I don’t have anything else today so- guess I’ll be staying for a bit. I’ll have to go later, though. For like- sleeping and all.”

“Will you come back tomorrow?”

“I have work...the craft shop I told you about.”

“Oh- then keep going with the story then-”

“You sure- you-”

“They’re not calling yet. Keep going.”

“Okay- so, he went to the shop…asked where he could find me, as he had something belonging to me- I was in the storage room and my coworker came saying someone had a thing that was mine, and recognized the thing as she saw me with it before. I went to the front- where he was, she left and uh...he gave it back to me. We briefly talked and, as he left I asked him his name- as he knew mine, and...he left.”

“That idiot didn’t ask for your number?”

“He could have come back, I don’t know. He knew where to find me, and...same for me. Next uh...we both had work, I suppose for him, too. And as I got a day off, I went back to the library to also thank the employee that had told him where to find me...and he came again.”

“What happened next? I need to know-”

“Uh- I think we uh...stayed there, for a while, actually. Until we were told that it’d close, and...hung out together till...almost 2AM.”

“Did you-”

“No- just talking. We barely met, we wouldn’t- We were going to go out on a date...later. I asked him first.”

“You did? Oh my god that’s so cute!”

"That was kind of stressful. You don't get to ask guys out pretty often."

"Was Reid your first boyfriend?"

"As a serious relationship, yeah. All of the others were in high school but...they were all idiots. Spencer's the first that...cares about me."

"He's always been very nice in general, I can guarantee that you'll never regret letting him enter in your life, he's gonna treat you like a princess."

"He's already gone through that, he's always supporting me, I...really feel safe, and loved, all the time."

"I'm glad everything's going well for you two. You could have come sooner, we've been asking him quite often if he'd ever present his partner as we were his parents."

"Yeah we- waited a while. We were actually planning on telling it, soon."

"Well, the 'soon' arrived."

"It was kinda…"

"Unexpected? Yeah, I know."

"It really was but...it's not as stressful as I thought. I...really like it here."

"You're gonna feel home with us, too. You're already there with our genius boy. I can tell you guys really love each other."

"We do, a lot."

"I'm glad for that. You're gonna have a lot to tell every time you come here though."

"Don't worry, I'll tell you everything there is to tell, and let you plan whatever thing there would be to celebrate. Even my wedding."

"Do I really have to wait to plan it?" Penelope asked.

"We could get married in five years, who knows. Are you gonna plan it already?"

"...probably."

"Do I get to help?"

"If you have good taste, yeah."

"It shouldn't be a problem."

"So- Oh, here they are."

"And...back to work." I said.

"Wish I didn't have to now." She sighed, answering. "You've reached the office of knowledge, what can I do for you?"

“So? How did it go with the team?”

“Chaotic. I wish I had taken a car or something instead of the jet who lasted way too long for just three hours.”

“Penelope already wants to plan our wedding here.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. If I didn’t stop her, she would have probably purchased dresses and called Rossi.”

“They also asked me about the wedding here.”

“What can I say? They’re really like a real family.”

“Yeah, they are. You’re gonna like them a lot.”

“I feel like it. Penelope already told me to get used to here because of how often she’ll call. I’m probably going to end up working here.”

“You don’t need to work here to see me, they know now. You’re cleared to come whenever you want.”

“If only you hadn’t- no, I would have probably jumped at your arms if I hadn’t seen them.”

“At least we don’t have to think about it for weeks, just to not say it at the end. It’s done.”

“Just a week ago, you said that you wanted for it to be special, it wasn’t very special to me.”

“It’s kind of...special. No one did that here.”

“Not the kind of ‘special’ you described.”

“It was a...surprising ‘kind of special’.”

“Did you just make that up?”

“I only had that in mind.”

“I thought that you were intelligent enough to just say ‘surprising’.”

“You asked which kind of special it was.”

“Unexpected would have been good too.”

“...yeah. I wanted to spice it up.”

“I’m giving a 7/10 to your spice.”

“That’s the average at least.”

“But- it was fine. I’m being a bit mean.”

“Are you mad it went like that though?”

“Not really. I know you wouldn’t have resolved yourself to say it, so...it’s said. They know, and...I really like them. You could have done it sooner, I missed out. They’re really like you described them to me.”

“Yeah, I would have waited...even more. Let’s hope you’ll get to pass by often, they’re gonna want to see you all the time. I’m pretty sure you have pre-invites to all of the parties they’ll ever organize.”

“At least we’ll be with other people and...do other stuff than staying all day at home, you know.”

“You’re right, yeah. I’ll diversify our days-off.”

“Heard Rossi knows how to cook pretty good pasta; that’ll change from our failed ones.”

“...definitely. He also makes us cook with him sometimes, but...I think I’ll pass for the ‘boil the pasta’ part.”

“Same for me. I prefer not to ruin the entire thing.”

“If he teaches us, we could get better.”

“Nah...I prefer not to. I’ll stick to the ‘make the pasta’ part.”

“It’s hard to say no to Rossi in general, good luck with that.”

“Is he like everyone’s grandpa or what?”

“Uh...I guess I’d say so. You could kind of see him as that, but I don’t know if he ever allowed anyone in the team to call him like that, except for Hotch, JJ and Matt’s kids.”

“Thanks for the warning, it’s noted.”

“He’s gonna have a bunch of nicknames for you though. He likes to do that with...pretty much everyone he knows.”

“I’m okay with that, he sounds nice from what I heard from you...and Penelope. I’m gonna stay a bit more, she wants...more information about what she doesn’t know yet about us.”

“Send me a text to confirm you’re alive, you’re gonna be staying for a while.”

“Will do, don’t worry. You might receive pictures too, she proposed and I agreed as I always like to take pictures of yours. I...also sent some of you to her, and...she might have sent them to the others.”

“They’re looking at me so...I think they got them.”

“At this point they’re gonna make a scrapbook out of it.”

“They might.”

“They don’t mean to be annoying, I’m sure. They’re just…”

“...really invested. They’re gonna want to know everything there is to say and know. Especially for you as they don’t know you as well as they know me.”

“I guess I’ll be spending my days-offs at another workplace. I’m okay with it.”

“People are gonna wonder if you’re not working there after seeing you that often, you’ll have to correct a lot of people.”

“I look smart, of course they’re gonna think I’m working there. They should have hired me by now, they’re missing out a lot.”

“You’re right, they should.”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll be with the profilers though, my talent has its limits. I can only read your face.”

“You’re only a profiler with me then.”

“Yeah, I’m a special one. I’m not risking my life doing it.”

“And not scaring people?”

“Mhm. I’m not.”

“I can tell you’re smiling without seeing you. We got a special talent in common.”

“Oh, come on, you’re the one with 187 IQ, you got the bigger talent here.”

“No, mine is smaller. You lose things all the time, that’s the real talent I don’t have.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose- And be glad I have that ‘talent’, because without it you wouldn’t even be speaking to me right now.”

“I never said it was a bad one, it’s a good one. I met you thanks to it.”

“I guess I can believe that.”

“Believe it! It’s the truth.”

"I love teasing you, I get to hear the squeaky voice.”

“Hey- no teasing about it, I always do it, I can’t help but not have another pitch, it’s like that.”

“I also have one, we’re quit. But- yours is more high-pitched to me.”

“It’s not, I always have a deep and masculine voice- please don’t tell me you’re on speaker.”

“...I’m not on speaker but...she may have- she heard it.”

“Let’s hope she won’t say it to someone else.”

“I can’t guarantee that, but...it’s not the end of the world though.”

“Yeah, it’s not. I’m sorry I...I have to go, in a bit.”

“It’s alright, we got to chat for like...five minutes, it’s a good one.”

“It is. I’ll try to call, or shoot a text if I can.”

“Okay. Love you. Go catch bad guys- and hang up first before we stay another ten minutes.”

“Got it. Love you too. Good luck with Penelope.”

“You’re still on the line.”

“I know- can you do it? I feel bad hanging up at you.”

“Fine. Have a good day-”

I wish we’d have all day to ourselves right now, it’s a bit hard to not have her with me all of a sudden.

Let’s hope I get to be home soon.

I wish I didn’t have to witness what happened there.

It...did something to me.

I didn’t know anything about her, except the same things as everyone, such as her name, personal information and their job, but...when we went there, and saw that she had already died, I felt...weird.

As if they were someone I knew, it hit way too close to home for me, as if they were the feelings I would have for y/n if anything would ever happen.

It may be weird to think about that...out of the blue, and it also may be a bit soon, or sudden but, I thought a lot about when she told me that Garcia was already planning our wedding as soon as they began talking.

It really got me thinking again, as it definitely wasn’t the first time that occured.

A lot of the people we dealt with in cases lost their lost ones suddenly, didn’t get a proper goodbye, regretted their last words before they last saw them, and...even if that’s not the case with her, I always leave, leaving her to wonder whether I’m gonna come back in one piece or at the hospital.

I’m aware of how bad I’m scaring her every time; she’s always waiting for a text to know if I’m alive to stop her from worrying, and even though I know she won’t have risks of getting hurt in most cases, I can’t stop but get scared for her, especially when I’m so far from her.

I’ve seen what happened with other loved ones in my team, and that’s not what I want to happen to her.

It’s only been...almost two years, it’s not enough at all, but...we never really talked about the future, getting married and all that stuff, we’ve been fine staying as boyfriend and girlfriend, it didn’t really matter, and we had all the time to talk about it.

So...I don’t really know if that’d be sudden.

But, at the same moment...I do want to do that; y/n means a lot to me, and that would be...mainly stressful but, it’s something that means a lot.

I want to do this, really, but...I don’t want it to be like a few days ago, it wasn’t planned, and again, I would have wanted for it to go differently.

But, after that case, and many more that happened, what if something happens before I come back? What if I get other cases, more work?

It could, and could not happen, I can’t know in advance.

That’s why I hate it when I don’t know things I actually need information about, it freaks me out.

I have no way to plan what could happen, and it’s even worse for y/n, from what I can imagine.

If something does happen, she won’t be the first to know, but due to the possible lack of calls, or anything else, she could first think of something bad, but won’t know it it’s quite bad, if nothing happened, or if she’s gonna have a call she never wished for.

I know it’s weird to think about all of that, but my job isn’t made of riskless things, I’m aware of it.

I wouldn’t be thinking about that if it was any less calm.

All that my brain can think of is that the rest of my life has to be spent with her, I can’t do it with anyone else, if she’s not there.

A simple diary made us meet each other, without it, my life wouldn’t have changed much from what I can say.

It really is fun to think that we met because of an object.

It’s quite weird to go back to when she wasn’t here, I’ve been so used to being with her.

It’s probably cliché, but I can’t imagine not having her around now that I’ve met her.

She’s sort of a part of me if I had to describe it.

She’s the reason why I look even more forward to the end of a case, going home, doing simple things as walking around the neighborhood, grocery shopping, or even getting ready for bed.

The last is the best moment of the day along with waking up having her next to me; I’m often awake first in the morning, so I get to look at her a bit more in advance before she wakes up on her own.

She always smiles first thing when she wakes up, even if she’s really tired.

That’s one of the things I prefer.

I always end up staying longer as she had trouble getting out of bed, I’d even get her out of bed by carrying her for a bit as if she was a child.

But, it makes her feel happy and loved, so, I don’t mind doing it.

When we get ready for bed, I’m usually the last to sleep as I watch her until she falls asleep.

I can’t help but do that every time, even if I’m a bit tired.

She yells at me a bit when she hears I do that instead of enjoying all of the hours I have, but, I just tell her the only excuse I had and always have.

I still haven’t found another, really.

Probably because the one I always tell her is the only that has ever existed to me, I don’t think it will change.

It probably won’t, I like that excuse.

I really don’t want anything to change, I really like the way everything is.

How she is, how she looks, when we’re together, I just can’t imagine something better.

That’s why I just...with all I’ve seen around me, what happened, of all the losses I’ve experienced, I can’t stand thinking about that ever changing, I have to tell her how I love her for the millionth time, hold her as much as I can, memorize all of the details of her face once again, and again.

I always do them more than we can recall, but...I want to do that once again, even if she tells me I’ve done these enough.

I want to express how much I love her, even if she knows it as that’s the first thing she gets to know in the morning, when we go to bed, when I leave for work, at the end of a call, or even at random moments when I look at her for a while, and end up randomly saying: “you know that I love you so bad, right?”

She smiles at it, every time.

After that, she often ends up telling me how cheesy I can be sometimes before kissing my lips and laying close to me if she wasn’t already with me.

I don’t want that to stop, I have to feel it again, think about it after it happens for hours, it can’t stop.

I also hope I won’t have to have her go through all of that fear when I leave every time.

I always feel bad about it to this day, and I know it won’t change until I decide to quit it, but...as much as she hates the risks and all of the stuff coming with it, she’ll kill me if I decide to quit, she knows how much that job is important.

So...I have to tell her, again.

I want to be able to be with her, go through whatever problem could happen, agreements we might have, I want to do all of this.

I’m willing to do all of this, no matter how tough it gets.

Y/N’s the only one I ever cared so much about, I don’t think I’ve ever done that with anyone else other than my mother.

I’m not also saying that I don’t care about my team who could pass as my own family, but, y/n’s the one.

The one that makes me feel special, that I always want to see, that pulls me through the day even if I’m having a bad case, the one that is always willing to talk even if it’s 2 in the morning, she never gave up on me, I don’t remember one moment when I wouldn’t hear about her.

I don’t want to hesitate about anything else.

I’m sure about this.

I will tell her exactly what I thought about, what I’ll think, what I thought from the beginning, whether she already knows some details by heart.

And I’ll tell her anyway for the only and one reason that it’s because I’ve always been so cheesy and hopelessly in love with her.

That is the only thing that will never change.

I don’t think I’ve even ran so fast after having to pass to the office for just some papers.

I’ve barely said goodbye to the team, and they kind of were surprised to see me rushing so bad.

They’ve probably figured out that it was because I was excited to see y/n now that they know about her, and, that is the case, but I don’t think that any of them even know what I’m about to do.

I really can’t believe it’s actually happening myself.

I’m about to do something that usually takes a while to figure out, think about, plan, and that isn’t that easy to do as it’s not something that’s to be taken lightly.

But I’m really sure, I’m aware of all of the possible reasons why I’m doing it.

I’m aware of why I’m about to marry her.

I’m not doing this as a joke, or anything else that wouldn’t make it serious.

I want to wake up knowing she’s the person I’ll be with my whole life, that I’ll be able to love even more, brag about more, think again when I’m not doing well.

I want her to know all of that.

I just can’t wait.

It’s...really crazy and sudden, and I’ve thought that it was stupid at first because of these reasons, but I don’t think it quite is.

I’m doing this for a reason, and I’ve never been so sure and confident even if that is the most stressful thing I could ever do in my life.

I just hope I won’t collapse...even if that’s a bit exaggerated to me, but, I guess it’s the whole tension, stress that’s talking.

She has no idea that I planned to do that, the only thing she knows is that I’m on my way as I told her before driving home.

If there wasn’t other vehicles, or a speed limit, I think that I would have already been there.

When I pulled out of the parking lot as no places were available nearby, I bounced my feet on the floor of the elevator all the way.

I’m kind of surprised that it didn’t crash because of that.

I’m also glad that I managed to make it to my front door, still alive.

When I took out my keys out of my pocket, missing the lock once before getting it right as I took a large breath, I already heard the sound of the bedroom door opening in a hurry when she heard the front door.

After hearing a short fumbling once I had closed the door; she had jumped in my arms as soon as I turned back to her.

The first thing that really came to mind was that she had immediately felt like home; as she always did.

She hugged me, without a word for whatever time was enough to her, until she pulled back to probably give me air.

“Welcome back. Sorry for the...sudden jump. I hope you-”

“I didn’t.” I replied, planting a short kiss on her lips. “I’ll never mind, never.”

“I know. Do you want me to uh...cook something for you? I don’t think we have much left except some eggs, I forgot to go to the store after work.”

“Don’t worry about that, I’m fine with it. I’ll help you with it so you don’t burn the apartment down. It’ll be a bit...bad to have to deal with a fire now.”

“You’re not wrong, yeah. Let’s avoid that, but- don’t criticize my possible talents! The only thing I’ll burn is the food itself. I’ll be turning the gas off as soon as I’ll see the food burning.”

“Okay- I trust you. Do you want me to let you cook on your own?”

“I like being independent, but…no, stay.”

“Alright, I’ll make sure we don’t eat burned food. We both deserve nice food after the long day we’ve had.”

“Too bad we don’t have a heart pan...you know I would have wanted to do that.”

“We’ll buy one tomorrow, don’t worry. Look, just so we don’t forget…” I took my phone from the couch, walking back next to her. “Okay, it’s on the reminder app.”

“You won’t forget it, each stuff you read stays in your memory. ‘Can’t guarantee for me.” Y/N admitted, lightly chuckling.

“You won’t forget, don’t worry. Don’t overestimate your brain.”

“I forget stuff all the time, I don’t trust him too much.”

“Don’t call yourself dumb, you’re certainly not. You’re very smart, and- you wouldn’t be even awake without your brain.”

“Oh, yeah, forgot the science thingy part. I kind of figured out that you’d be telling me that, you’re really predictable.”

“I can’t argue on that one.”

“You, not arguing? You always have an explanation that’s as long as an essay. You’re lucky that I’m interested in it.”

“I’m quite surprised that you manage to stay interested all long. Not all of the people I work with make it through the whole thing.”

“It’ll never be boring to me.”

“You sure about that? I may deliver a talk worth a four page essay.”

“Not so late, tomorrow, I promise.”

“Okay, tomorrow. Let’s cook before we get too tired.”

“Can you go first? I’m always afraid of getting burned by that.”

“I was going to do it, I was kind of afraid for you.”

“Oh- thanks, I guess.”

“Anything for you.”

Just as if I didn’t have everything planned in my head for hours, once we did the eggs, talked a bit, and layed on the bed without bothering to get rid of our outside clothes;

I still didn’t know.

I was beyond stressed.

Would it be going well?

Would she react well?

If I suddenly don’t know what to say, what do I even do next?

Of course, I was still very sure of it, more than anything, but turns out that the stress just didn’t want me to do that apparently.

I still don’t get why it had to get in the way just now.

I just have to overcome it, it’ll be...totally okay.

It’s going to be okay.

I just have to somehow get to talk and manage to know what I want to say...I guess?

“Are you okay? You didn’t say anything for a while.”

“Oh, sorry I...I was thinking about something.”

“Is it a bad or good thing?”

“It’s a good one, not bad...at all. I just don’t know if...I can say it. It’s a stressful one.”

“I’m not sleeping for a bit more, you can go ahead. If it’s stressful, I guess it must be an important thing.”

“It’s an important one, yeah.”

“Go ahead then, I’ll be listening to every word, won’t miss a bit. You got all of my attention.” Y/N said, sitting up on the side of the bed.

“Okay, okay. Um...I don’t really know where to start, and how to, but...I think I’ll be saying everything at one moment or another.” I explained, as I sat up next to her. “I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, and slightly hesitated at the beginning as I told myself that it’d be a stupid decision, but I know that it’s something I’m sure of, it’s not something I thought of for a minute before deciding that I’d be doing it. I have to say that I haven’t been thinking about it deeply since months, but the time I thought about it was enough to decide that it was what I wanted.”

“You’re starting to worry me right now...I thought it was a good thing, and- you know I freak out easily…”

“It’s definitely a good thing, I just...there’s a lot to say. It might be an essay long, I just want to say everything that’s important.”

“Okay, I’m listening. You can keep going, sorry.” She apologized, as I put my hand on hers to reassure her.

“I...I’ve had a while to think about all of this. Barely two years, but...I never really thought about it to the point of having a whole essay to say. There’s just so many things to say about how I feel about you that I can’t select which ones to put so it could be shorter. I know we’ve talked about it a lot of times, but thanks for purchasing that diary in the first place, it’s what started our story, basically. I could also thank the one that made it but...I have no idea.” I admitted, pulling a short laugh from her. “And thanks for forgetting it, too. Your forgiveness came in handy, and we’re here now. It may be all cliché and all, but that’s what changed me. A simple book, that lead me to you. I can’t thank you enough for talking to me, and not letting go.

I really thought that I was nothing but a stranger that found something for you, and that you’d end up moving on. I didn’t move on after that, you kept staying in my head. I was persuaded that you had forgotten me and that I should...leave it there. We only knew each other’s names, that didn’t mean that I could talk to you more to me. Now, I kind of want to punch my past self for that.

I turned out to be more than wrong. When I stepped in that day, I was going to find some excuse to talk to you, and pretend I didn’t see you, but I couldn’t do that. You were all I could see in that place. Pretending that I didn’t see you would have been rude.”

“You could have done it, I wouldn’t have been mad. I probably would have done the same.” She admitted.

“I couldn’t have, really. You were all I could think about, so, not looking at you after not being able to see you? That wasn’t possible. I can’t even do that now. When I look at you, I can allow myself to basically let go of whatever stresses me in my work. I know I shouldn’t be talking about it too much, but thank you for supporting me, even after all of the scares I gave you. I won’t be talking about quitting as you said that you’d kill me if I’d do it.”

“The offer is still up. I won’t let you quit until you’re at least 60.”

“I’m not planning on dying yet, I won’t quit. But, I’m sorry for all of the stress that I put you through. I wish I could make it less stressful. You’re so strong for that, I really don’t know how you manage to not have a heart attack, you’re truly amazing.

You can be proud of that though. I want you to be.

You’ve made me feel stronger because of this too. Your strength, your support, your love, all of that allows me to pull through.

I can’t imagine having to go through that without you. You became such an important part of my life, that I just...can’t imagine not having you here by my side. You matter so much to me, I really want you to know that. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I can’t do that with anyone else now that I’ve met you. You make me feel so loved, so happy, everyday, and...I want to feel like this forever. I don’t want that to change ever.”

Don’t screw this up.

You got this.

“Since I’ve met you, you’ve given me a reason to be better, to do better. Something changed when you came into my life, I’m not the doctor Reid from two years ago anymore. I would constantly overthink, I was never sure of anything, I was a mess. But now, you’ve pushed me to say what I have in mind, you’ve made me more confident, and I’ve never been sure of something my entire life. My old self wouldn’t have done that at all.

I've realized that I can't live without you anymore. I've lost too many things, and I definitely can't lose you. You're the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. And before you say anything, not even books, TV shows, or whatever else is better. You're the one that I love the most, and that I'll also love for many and many years.

I've...also realized that I've said the entirety of a monologue, and you're probably wondering what that was for so, I'll get to the point." I explained, briefly leaving her side to take something from my pocket, a gasp leaving her lips as I suddenly put a knee on the floor, pulling the box open.

"It would be an immeasurable pleasure to be able to share my life with you, as long as we both shall live. So...I, Spencer Reid, would like to know if the wonderful woman in front of my eyes would accord me the pleasure of marrying me?"

"Of course I will, you idiot!" Y/N exclaimed, pressing her lips against mine.

"Is that a yes though?" I asked, still against her lips.

"It's a yes." She answered, as we both pulled back from the other when I took her left hand, slightly struggling to take the ring out of the box.

After a few seconds, and a few laughs, I nervously slid the ring on her finger, looking at her when I was done.

"...I understand the stress you had now. I...I really don't have the words right now. I kind of feel bad about not having anything to say. I just...want you to know that I also love you, so much. Thank you for being here with me, and...marrying me. This is...the best thing, ever." She said, her eyes watering.

"I would marry you every day if it was possible."

"If only. We have to plan a whole wedding now. I think we're gonna need a lot of help."

"That depends when you want it to happen."

"That also depends how fast it can be organized. Because if it can be done in one week, that would be...amazing. I can't wait another year."

"It's as it was already done babe. I bet Penelope already planned everything from the moment she met you."

"I wouldn't be surprised. Gosh, I can't wait to be able to call you my husband." She admitted.

"And I can't wait to be able to call you my wife."

"Can you...frickin' believe that? We met her just a bit ago, and like...one month after I get to organize their wedding? This is totally crazy. She even let me help choose her dress, her damn dress!"

"Of course she'd let you help Penelope. She couldn't have even said no to you, and as she didn't say no, she asked for your help as none of them knew how to do all this." Luke answered.

"I could literally drop out of the FBI and become a wedding planner at this point. Don't yell at me in calls, because you know what I'm gonna do next."

"We won't, don't worry about it. Just enjoy the wedding, you literally help plan the best day of their lives, they're not gonna be doing that every day." He reassured.

"That's too bad that it's only gonna last for a day. It's a shame we'll have to take everything down though."

"Just enjoy. Calm down for a bit."

Penelope took a deep breath, tapping Luke’s shoulder as she began leaving, but stopped for a second. "I'm gonna see if she's even ready. Someone go check on the boy wonder."

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Y/N? Can I enter? It’s Pen.” Garcia asked, knocking a few times.

“As long as you’re not Spencer with a voice changer or something, yeah.” I said, as the lock of the door made itself heard signaling that the door was open, before she closed it on her way in.

“I thought you weren’t ready yet! Spencer’s gonna be downstairs soon.”

“I’m ready physically, not mentally. This is the part when I stress down.”

“What are you stressed about? Here, sit for a bit.” She motioned, putting her hand on mine when we had sat down.

“I don’t know...I, it’s the whole wedding thing. It’s not about Spencer or anything, I do still want to marry him, but...I’m just stressing about it. It didn’t hit me until today.”

“I get it. Lots of people, the big event, and mostly, marrying someone who matters. Don’t tell me one of your worries is that he’s not gonna find you beautiful or regret. There’s no way. Because, I know...we weren’t supposed to send messages to the boys before today, but, he spoke about you practically all night. He couldn’t believe that it was happening, I mean- who wouldn’t be stressed about marrying such a beautiful girl? So, stop that. All of the people here are only friends you know and family. There’s nothing else to stress about, I listed everything, and none of them is something you should overstress about, it’s going to be okay.”

“I know, I...I just stressed all of a sudden. And, I know he doesn’t think that, I just had the stress bringing all of those...stressful thoughts. Am I the only one who stresses at their wedding or is it normal? I don’t want to ruin anything because I’ll end up stressing, not knowing what to say-”

“You will be okay. You’ll know what to say the minute you’ll see him. Come here-” She rushed forward, taking my hand to put me on my feet as she directed me in front of the mirror. “Do you think Spencer isn’t stressed too when he thinks that he’s gonna marry you? You’re beautiful, amazing, strong, extremely kind, dedicated, I mean- he’s so lucky to have you. Anyone else would be stressed, it’s normal, you don’t have to think that you’re ruining anything, at all. Because that’s all I see when I look at that mirror. There’s not enough adjectives to describe your beauty right now, I think we’re gonna have to invent new ones at this point. I mean- look at you!” She exclaims, putting her head on my shoulder as she smiles.

“I’m probably also stressed because of how handsome he is too. I mean…wow. I’m marrying Spencer fucking Reid. It’s not anyone, he’s a literal god and a total genius.”

“And he is going to marry y/n fucking y/l/n. You’re not anyone as well, you’re a smokin’ hot bomb, a goddess and a strong, independent woman.”

“Okay, I am smokin’ hot.”

“Bet you are. So, now that everything is okay, you wait here. Don’t worry, Hotch’s gonna come soon, he’s probably finishing off a talk with our boy wonder. I’ll see you in a bit!” Penelope hurried out, leaving the room.

I’m marrying...fucking Spencer Reid.

Someone pinch me. I feel like this is a dream.

Ow- it’s not one.

It’s...really happening.

“I now declare you husband, and wife. You can kiss your wife, kid.” Rossi announces, as I advanced towards y/n, covering both sides of her face with my hands as the embrace deepens afterwards.

Soon enough, whoops and hollers echo through the backyard, as we pull back with smiles on both on our faces, maintaining our gaze on the other.

It’s official.

We’re finally both able to call the other our spouse, from now on, and forever.

Just two years ago, I never would have thought that this would happen.

I was just Spencer Reid, a guy that would always overthink, think he wasn’t good enough for anyone, didn’t think about ever going on dates, I was a total mess...until that diary.

It’s a bit ridiculous to say that I’ve overcome what would have refrained me from ever being with someone thanks to an object, but...that’s really what happened.

Who in the hell would have even thought that a person that I barely knew with only a few words would slowly become a familiar person, then a friend, a partner, and as I totally didn’t expect...my wife.

It all seems unreal, even now.

But it really is, believe it or not. I heard the words well, slid her ring on her hand; after that, she slid my ring on mine, Rossi announced it...and we kissed.

I pinched myself while she wasn’t looking, and it still wasn’t a dream.

I was married to her.

Even when we talked to our friends, we never let go of the other.

We were probably afraid that one of us was going to disappear if we ever let go of their hand.

I have no idea if some found it weird, I didn’t even care.

I was with her, she was with me, and we were both married.

That’s the only thing that mattered.

And...now that I think about what sealed our fates and lives forever as I looked at y/n;

It’s a good thing that I paid attention to my surroundings that day.

Let me know if you liked this fic here!

#cm #cm fic #cm spencer reid #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Spencer Reid #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid cm #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #Spencer Reid fic #cm fluff

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atlafan · 4 years ago

Text

My Everything - Part Twenty

A Take it Slow Sequel

What happens with Harry and Y/N after he proposes? How will the two navigate the engaged life while also continuing to juggle their jobs, friends, and families? Let’s find out.

Warnings: fluff, slight angst, and smut

Words: 11K

a/n: THE LAST PART OMFG CAN Y’ALL BELIEVE IT?! I’M SO EMOTIONAL!! Take it Slow/My Everything has been my baby for so long now, it’s wild that it’s over. An end of an era for sure. I just want to thank everyone that’s been along for this ride. Whether you’ve been with me since February when I started Take it Slow, or if you just binged read everything - THANK YOU!! This is my favorite Harry of all my Harry’s, this was the first multi-fic I had written in a long time, and it feels good to truly complete it. This fic series got me back into writing in general. I’m sure at some point I’ll go back and write some blurbs about my favorite family, but for now this is truly it. I hope I put in everything you all were hoping for! FEEDBACK WILL BE MUCH APPRECIATED! (not proofread I’m sorry!)

Masterpost

When you got home in the middle of January, you saw Dr. Johnson right away. Your mother agreed to babysit Jack and Jessica so you and Harry could go together. She confirmed that you were pregnant, and at this moment you were roughly seven weeks along. You were riddled with excitement as you got into the car with Harry, you couldn’t stop looking at the sonogram.

“I wonder if it’ll be a boy or girl. I don’t care either way, but it’s still fun to think about.” You say to him.

“I know, I can’t really decide either.”

“Maybe a boy would be better. I know what it’s like to have sisters, and that it just no fun when you’re going through puberty. Plus, with Jessica so close in age they would fight all the time about sharing.”

“Jack may feel outnumbered with another girl, too.” He side eyes you. “The kids are at your mum’s, right?”

“Yeah, she picked them up. She said she’d bring them home after dinner, she wanted to spend the whole day with them since we were gone for so long, why?”

“Nothing, just…so we have the house to ourselves?”

“Besides Buster, yeah.” You shrug.

“Excellent.” He grins.

“What do you have up your sleeve, Styles?”

“Oh, honey, I’m gonna take you home and fuck your shit up.”

“Jesus, Harry.” You say, flustered. “You can’t say stuff like that.”

“Why not? I’m just being honest. I’m gonna get my head between your legs and just go to town, you’ll be begging me stop.”

You pinch your legs together and shake your head at him. You look out the car window. Even after all this time he still knew exactly how to rile you up. You look at him again, almost in disbelief that he’s going to be thirty-four in just a few weeks.

“What do you say, does that sound good?” He raises an eyebrow at you.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” You smile and take his hand in yours.

No matter how many times it happened, having Harry’s head between your legs was still one of the most thrilling experiences you’ve ever had. He knew exactly what you liked, he knew how to make it last a really long time, and he knew how to make you come within seconds. You felt so lucky that you weren’t one of those married couples who didn’t have sex anymore, or that didn’t make time for these types of things. Plus, he just thoroughly enjoyed it himself. It gave him pleasure. Hearing him moan and groan against you as he lapped you up made you feel incredibly confident. After your third orgasm, you pull his head up. He catches his breath as he looks at you.

“Want me to fuck you, or are you tired?”

“I…I was actually hoping to suck you off…sort of have a craving for your stuff.”

“My stuff?” He laughs. “The kids aren’t around, honey, just call it what it is.” He lays back next to you and shimmies his boxers down his legs. “Are you sure you’re not too nauseous or anything?”

“No, I’m really craving salt…and…well…what’s saltier than jizz?” You say shyly as he you get between his legs.

“Well, in that case, by all means, get your fill.” He smirks.

You plant a hand on one of his thighs while the other hand grips him. You lick up and down his shaft, ghosting your lips over his tip, really teasing him.

“Y/N.” He grunts.

You smirk up at him before wrapping your lips around his tip. He sighs with relief when he feels your warm mouth and tongue. You pump what you can’t fit. You didn’t want to push your gag reflex because you easily could throw up from doing this. You tongue at his slit and just take in the taste of his precome.

“Feels so good.” He says, almost breathless.

You swallow around him and his head rolls back. He’s trying not to buck his hips up, but it’s very difficult. You pump on him faster and he starts panting. Your mouth stays around his tip as his come shoots into your mouth. Your eyes roll into the back of your head at the taste and you swallow all of it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you enjoy that quite so much.” He chuckles and pulls you down to lay on his chest.

“It just really hit the spot for whatever reason.”

“What a nice craving to have, I hope it lasts.” He kisses your temple and you both just lay there, relaxing.

It didn’t last. This was the worst pregnancy out of the three. You were nauseous all the time, and when your spring semester started back up, it was even worse. You were running in and out of the classroom. Your students knew something was up, but you hadn’t formally announced anything because it was still early. Not to mention Jack would ask you a million questions on your drive home with him. Which normally you liked, but not when you didn’t feel well.

“Where’s new baby gonna sleep?”

“In Jessica’s room.”

“In same crib?”

“No, she’s gonna get a bigger crib, and the baby will use her old one. It’s in the basement, we used it with you.”

“Is it a boy or girl?”

“We don’t know yet.”

“When-“

“Jack!” You take a deep breath. “Mumma needs you to play the quiet game, please.”

“Why?”

“Because I have a headache, please, baby.”

You hear him grumble something, but at least he listens. You get him and Jessica inside, and of course she crapped up her back because it was just one of those days. You sigh heavily, and have Jack come up with you to color on the bathroom floor while you give her a bath. It was a wonder you didn’t throw up from the shit that was all over her.

“How come she pooped like that?” Jack giggles.

“Must have ate something that her tummy didn’t like.” You can’t help but giggle too. It was sort of funny now that she was cleaned up. “All clean, little girl.” You wrap her up in a soft towel and cuddle her to your chest.

“Mumma, can we have pizza for dinner?”

“You read my mind, think that’ll be good tonight.”

You get Jessica dressed, and set up in her pack and play, while Jack gets his hour of TV time. You started doing this so you could get some grading done, and an hour wasn’t that bad. Harry would take over once he was home anyways.

“Babe?” You hear him say it jolts you awake, you hadn’t even realized you fell asleep. “Take a little nap?”

“I didn’t mean too.” You groan. “I have so much to do.”

“The semester just started…”

“I have quizzes and knowledge tests to look over. I told Jack we could have pizza tonight.”

“Alright, I’ll pull one out of the freezer. What do you want to give Jessica?”

“Um, she can have a bubby, and, like, some mashed squash. It’s in the jar in the fridge.”

“Okay.” He steps further into your office and gives you a kiss on the top of your head. “You look beat.”

“Thanks.”

“I just mean…why don’t you go lie down for a bit?”

You sigh, but agree with him, and go to lay on the couch while Harry brings the other two into the kitchen with him. You rub your lower stomach to soothe yourself, and you actually feel a bit relaxed until the smell of pizza hits you and you run to the bathroom.

“Mumma’s sick?” Jack asks.

“She’s a special kind of sick.” Harry says as he feeds Jessica. “The baby she’s growing makes her not feel good sometimes.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know exactly how it all works, Jack.”

“I…I need to go to bed.” You say. You looked paler than a ghost.

“Are you coming down with something?” Harry asks, concerned.

“Yeah, it’s called being pregnant with your kid.”

“Oi.”

“Sorry.” You nearly burst into tears. “I just, I’m a little frustrated, and I’m tired, and-“

“Go upstairs, love, okay? I’ve got it from here.”

You give everyone a kiss goodnight, and get ready for bed. That was basically how your first trimester went. You and Harry barely spending any alone time together other than when you’re asleep. You parented in shifts, and that was just how it needed to be until you gained some strength back.

You were hoping to know the sex of the baby in time for Harry’s birthday, but you weren’t far enough along yet. Thirty-four. Your handsome, loving husband was thirty-four, you couldn’t believe it. You stroke his cheek as he starts to wake up and he smiles at you.

“Happy birthday, baby.” You coo and kiss his forehead. “I’d give you a little something something, but I feeler dryer than a desert still.”

“It’s okay.” He chuckles and sits up. “And thank you. Just going out tonight with friends will be good. Thanks for putting all of it together.”

“It’s the least I could do with how amazing you’ve been. I know I haven’t been super pleasant.”

“Comes with the territory.” He pats at your lower stomach. “Couple more weeks and we’ll know if it’s a Joshua or Jane.” He beams.

“I know, I’m really excited.”

“Kinda like that we have a J theme, it’s cute.”

“You’re cute.” You smile at him and pucker your lips. He leans in and kisses you, but not for too long.

“Daddy!” Jack bursts into the room. “Happy birthday!” He and Buster hop into the bed, and he nearly tackles Harry down.

“Thank you.” Harry laughs and hugs Jack right.

“Oh, let me go get Jessica, we can all stay in bed and snuggle together for a bit.”

“Gotta love Saturdays.”

You smile and nod before going to get Jessica. You change her quickly, and grab her a bottle, and then bring her into the bed with everyone.

“This is what we should do your next maternity shoot, just a group shot of all of us in bed.” Harry says.

“That would actually be kind of cute. We could all wear matching pj’s.”

“That’s brilliant.”

Mornings like these you were grateful for. Just being cozy with your favorite people.

“How old are you, Daddy?” Jack asks.

“Thirty-four, I’m really old.”

“No you’re not.” You scoff.

“I am! Got grey hair and everything.”

“You have one! One little silver hair. You’re not like me who has to have their entire head dyed, you know.”

“You could grow it out, I wouldn’t care.”

“Mm, but I would. I don’t wanna have long silver hair, but on you…” You run a hand through his hair. “It would look good.” You lean in to kiss him quickly.

You had a babysitter come watch Jack and Jessica, so you, Harry, Niall, Sarah, Seth, Isaac, Mariah, and Rachel could all go out for dinner. It was a lot of fun. You ended up at a karaoke bar, and Harry and Niall sang a duet together. You couldn’t remember the last time you had so much fun with everyone. Your friends asked you how your pregnancy was going, and told you how good you looked, which was very kind because you didn’t think you looked at that great.

Harry was having a good birthday, and that’s all you really cared about. He got his annual piece of cake shoved in his face, and many pictures were taken before you headed home. You were in the back of an uber, and he had his arm around you, and was kissing on your neck. Sarah and Niall were in the row of seats in front behind you.

“Some things never change.” Sarah laughs and shakes her head. Harry turns around and glares at her.

“It’s my birthday, so if I wanna love on my wife, I’m gonna.”

“Was just commenting on how sweet it is.” She says facetiously.

“Here, I’ll shied her eyes.” Niall says tugging her into his chest.

“We can wait until we get home, it’s fine.” You say and Harry raises an eyebrow at you.

He hadn’t really asked for sex recently because he just knew you weren’t in the mood, and even this morning you said it wasn’t going to happen, so he was a little surprised at your statement. When you get into the house, he pays the sitter, and then looks at you after she leaves.

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t feel like it.”

“I feel like it.”

“You do?”

“Mhm.”

“But this morning…”

“That was this morning.” You wrap your arms around his neck. “The kids are fast asleep, let’s go bone on the couch in my office so we don’t wake them.”

“Are you serious?!”

“Yes.” You giggle. “Come on.”

You take his hand and lead him down the hall to your office. He watches as you take your clothes off, and he takes his own off. He cups your cheeks and kisses you. You could taste the vodka that was lingering on his tongue from earlier. One of his hands slides down your body, and between your legs, and you gasp.

“Sit down, baby.” He says and has you sit on the couch. He get son his knees in front of you and opens your legs.

“Not a very attractive angle.”

“Why, because of this?” He runs his fingers over your stomach. “Or because of these?” He kneads both of your breasts. “I quite like what I’m looking up at.”

You chuckle and let him do what he wants with you. You run your hands through his hair as he licks over your folds.

“I should be doing this for you, it’s your birthday.” You grunt as he sucks on your clit.

“Are you kidding? What’s a better gift for me than this? Don’t be silly, angel.”

You smile down at him as he continues to make you feel amazing. It doesn’t take long for you to come undone for him since it had been a while.

“Alright.” He breathes and sits down on the couch. He helps you move so you can straddle him. You weren’t that big yet, but this was still ultimately the most comfortable position. “Ready for me?” He asks as he lines himself up with you.

“Yeah.” You slowly sink down on him and groan into his shoulder.

“Doesn’t hurt, does it?”

“No, feels good.” You kiss on his neck as he grips your ass to help move you up and down. Your nails dig into his shoulders and he grunts into your ear. “I’m sorry, Harry.”

“For what?”

“For all the times I haven’t felt like doing this. It’s like I’m not in the mood, and then when we finally get like this I can’t imagine ever not wanting to be this close to you.” You nearly tear up.

“It’s your hormones, Y/N, it’s okay.” He keeps an arm wrapped around your lower half to keep moving you, and then keeps his other arm wrapped around your upper back to keep you close to him.

“But I love you so much, and I feel bad.”

“Don’t cry, sweetheart, it’s okay. We’re close now, isn’t this nice?”

“So nice.” You bite down on the crook of his neck and suck on his skin, causing a moan to come from him. “Missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

You move yourself on your knees to give him a break, and he uses the opportunity to snake a hand between the two of you to rub your clit. Your nails rake down his stomach and he moans again.

“I’m not gonna last, babe.” He was start to breathe heavier. It had been a while for him too, obviously, you couldn’t blame him.

“Let’s come together then.” You nearly whine.

He rubs you faster as you bounce up and down on him. You slot your mouth over his so you aren’t too loud when you both cry out. You feel your release just as his shoots up inside you. You rest your forehead against his as you both catch your breaths.

“So fucking good, I love you so much.” He says and looks at you.

“I love you too.” You peck his lips and then he helps you off him. You wrap your arms around your stomach to hide the small bump.

“Oh, don’t even start.” He chuckles as he gathers up all the clothes on the floor.

“I’m self-conscious, I can’t help it.”

“This is your third time, and you still don’t see how sexy you are. God, and you just get sexier as your tummy grows, Y/N.”

“Good thing I have you around to remind me, huh?” You smirk.

“Exactly.” He pinches your bottom before you both head upstairs to bed.

You poke your head into both of the kids’ rooms, just to make sure they’re sleeping soundly, and then you get cleaned up in the bathroom.

“So, it was a good birthday?” You ask as you get into bed with Harry.

“Let’s see, cuddles with the family this morning, you made butternut squash soup for lunch, and then a night out with friends. Yeah, I’d say it was really good, honey.” He kisses your forehead as he settles in with you.

“Good, I’m glad.” You smile and smooth some hair away from his forehead. Harry reaches over and rubs at your lower belly.

“I’m really happy you wanted to do this again, Y/N. I know I was hesitant at first, but I can’t wait to have another little baby around.”

“Me too, and I’ll be on maternity for the fall semester, which will lead into winter break so I’ll have an extra month off before I have to go back.”

“That’s great! I started talking to Mariah and Isaac, I was thinking I could take the first month off the baby’s born, and then maybe do half days? I could get up and bring Jack and Jessica to daycare still. I think that’ll make things easier, rather than have everyone home at the same time.”

“I would go bananas will all three of them, I think that’s a great idea. Besides, Jack’ll be in preschool, anyways.”

“Yeah, I was looking into it, and his preschool also has a daycare, so I think we should switch Jessica and have her go there. They don’t take infants, so the new baby could go to work with you once you’re back. I think that could make things easier.” He yawns.

“You’re brilliant, babe.” You yawn too.

Soon, you’re both fast asleep in each other’s arms, happy and peaceful.

At the end of February, you have the appointment with Dr. Johnson you and Harry were most excited for: finding out the sex of the baby.

“Y/N…you’ve lost weight.” She says to you as you step off the scale.

“I’ve literally been able to go three days without puking. This baby doesn’t like me very much.” You pout as you get up on the table.

“Are you taking all the vitamins I’ve given you?”

“Yes, every day.” Harry stands next to you and holds your hand as Dr. Johnson gets the ultrasound ready.

“Okay, well, hopefully it will subside for the rest. I’m sorry it’s been trickier for you this time around.”

“It’s okay.” You sigh.

She moves the ultrasound around and you both smile when you hear the heartbeat.

“Are curious about the sex?” She asks.

“Very.” Harry says.

“Okay…” She squints at the monitor, and then smiles. “Seems like you’re having another boy, congratulations.”

You both tear up and kiss and giggle.

“Do you have a name in mind already?” She asks as she cleans your belly up.

“Joshua.” You say. “Joshua Edward.”

“That’s beautiful, I love that he and Jack will have the same middle name.”

“We thought it would be cute.” You nod.

You and Harry were absolutely giddy when you got into the car, giggling a ton on the drive to the university to pick the kids up.

“Okay, so, he can share with Jessica for a bit, and then-“

“Let’s just turn the guest room into the nursery.” He cuts you off.

“Harry, what about when your family comes to visit?”

“That room is big enough to stick a pullout in, we can sleep on that and guests can have our room. When they get older they can share, but you know he’ll be on a different sleep schedule than Jessica, she wouldn’t get any sleep with a newborn.”

“That’s true, I didn’t really think of that. Where are we going to put the extra bed?”

“We could stick it in the basement…I was actually sort of thinking we could get the basement partially finished, we could turn that into another guest room, or game room, or something.”

“Okay, money bags.” You laugh.

“I’m serious! I could do a lot of the work myself, and your dad could help with the electrical part. It’s already got all the dry wall up, just need to plaster, paint, and then put some carpet down.”

“If you would like to take that project on, then be my guest. Just promise me you’ll leave my little gym area alone.”

“Can do.” He takes your hand and kisses it. “I bet Jack’s gonna be so excited that he’s gonna have a little brother.”

“It’ll probably be more fun once they’re older, he’s gonna have four years on him, don’t forget. Joshua will be closer with Jessica.”

“Are we always gonna be so formal? I might call him Josh or Joshy.”

“Aw, Joshy is so cute! No, we don’t have to be formal.” You shrug. “I just don’t want anyone calling Jessica Jessy, I’d prefer Jess if anything.”

“Agreed.”

You both go into the daycare to pick up Jack and Jessica. You couldn’t believe she’d be a year old soon, just a month or so away. And Jack was going to be four in just two months. Time was flying way too fast.

Florida in March was literally perfect, even while pregnant. You were over being nauseous now which was good. Nannie was so happy you and the family were coming for a visit. There was plenty there for Jack and Jessica to do. Harry took them both in the pool that her retirement community had. Of course, all of the old ladies in the pool flocked to him, and you had to go in and help a few times.

“I can’t believe she’s almost a year old, I can barely pick her up!” Nannie chuckles as she snuggles with Jessica one evening.

“I know! She’s even started saying a few words. She can sort of say Mumma, Jack says it all the time so I think she’s being picking it up from him.” You say.

“And she says ‘ack’ when she wants Jack, it’s really cute.” Harry says. Jack was in his lap trying to keep his eyes open. “I think it’s time you went to bed, buddy.”

“Her too.” You get up and take Jessica from Nannie. Once they’re both down and tucked in you join her in the living room.

“So, there’s something I’d like to talk with you both about. Last time we spoke on the phone, Y/N mentioned that you were looking into getting a larger car, and I’d like to pay for it.”

“No, no way, Nannie, that’s way too-“ You start, but she cuts you off.

“It’s something I can give you that I know will last. You already have cribs and baby clothes and all that. You’ll need a larger car, and I wanna pay for it, so you’ll let me write you a check, and that’ll be that.”

“You can’t seriously expect us to let you just buy us a new car…” Harry says.

“Oh, but I do. You could take whatever one you’re not using off the road and save it for when one of them gets older, or you could trade it in, or whatever you feel like doing with it.” She shrugs. “I have more money than I know what do with.”

“Just because you write us a check doesn’t mean we have to cash it. We’re perfectly capable of buying our own car, Nannie.” You say.

“You’ll take it, you’ll cash it, and you’ll get whatever car you want. Save that money and put it towards their college funds, or for their bar and bat mitzvahs, you know as well I do those are just as expensive as purchasing a car.”

“That’s true.” You nod.

“Wait, what?”

“The parties can really wrack up, Har, we’ll talk about it later.” You sigh. “You really wanna buy us a car?”

“I do.” She nods. “You need something with three rows of seats, or at least an SUV instead of that little thing you drive. You’ll have three cars seats to worry about before you know it.” She smiles. “So, just say thank you and deal with it.”

“Thank you.” You both say and get up to hug her.

“You’re more than welcome, kids, I’m happy to do it.”

To say you were emotional on Jessica’s first birthday was an understatement. Your hormones were causing you to cry every two seconds. You were hosting a small party at your house, and it was great to have family over, but you were a blubbering mess.

“Babe, it’s okay.” Harry chuckles.

“I know, I just can’t believe our little girl is a year old already. And Jack’s gonna be four before we know it and starting preschool. It’s all too much.”

“Try not to think too far ahead, yeah?” He puts an arm around your shoulders and kisses your cheek. He gives your lower belly a little rub. “Don’t wanna stress this one out.”

“We should do the maternity shoot next month. I’m still feeling good about how I look, it would be nice to feel good in pictures.”

“Whatever you wanna do, honey.”

It was time for cake, so you hold Jessica on your hip while Harry holds Jack up. The three of you blow out the candles while Jessica giggles and claps. She got cake all over her face, which was her right as a one-year-old. It was a bittersweet day to say the least.

On the day of your five year wedding anniversary, you woke up to feeling lots of kisses on your cheek. Your eyes flutter open, and a smile grows on your face.

“Good morning.” You say as you look at Harry, who was already climbing on top of you.

“Morning, love.”

“You wanna have sex now? Don’t wanna wait until later?”

“You’ll be too tired later.” He mumbles as he sucks on your neck. “I’ve got a lot planned today.”

“Oh, honey, I’m just happy to be spending the day with you, we don’t need to go crazy.”

“I don’t think getting pedicures together is going crazy, exactly.”

“God, I can’t wait. I’m so grateful Niall and Sarah said they could babysit.”

He hums his response as he kisses on your chest, lifting your shirt all the way off. His hand slips between your legs, and you let out a small gasp. You raise your hips to grind against his hand. This was the part of the pregnancy Harry loved the most. You had leveled out a bit, and now you wanted him every second you could have him.

Once you’re wet enough from him just rubbing around your folds, he slides two of his fingers inside you. Your head rolls back into the pillows and you groan. His thumb rubs your clit in pressured circles. Your nails dig into his shoulders as you cling to him. He sponges his mouth over your next and over your chest.

“Harry.” You moan.

“Feels good?”

“Yes.” You start panting his fingers rub against your g-spot. “Fuck, yes, Harry, don’t stop.” You bite your bottom lip as you squeeze around his fingers.

“You’re so wet, baby.” He groans. “Come for me, come on.”

“Shit!” You cry out and clap a hand over your mouth as you ride it out.

He sucks his fingers into his mouth once he takes them away from you. He moves to up against the headboard, and helps you get on top of him. You slowly sink down on his hard dick after giving it a few pumps. His hands grip your ass to help you move up and down. You press your face into his neck to stay quiet.

“You feel so fucking good.” He moans and holds you closer to him as he thrusts up inside you. “Y/N.” He moans again. God, he wasn’t making staying quiet easy. You loved hearing Harry moan, but you wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to wake your kids up.

“H-Harry.” You can barely speak at this point. Your clit was rubbing against him, so you weren’t going to last much longer. You grip his chin, and hook your fingers onto his bottom lip to get him to open up for you. “You’re being too loud.” You groan.

He sucks on your fingers to try to keep it down, but he was really struggling this morning, for whatever reason. He was always into it, but today he was especially lost in the euphoria of your sex. You use your other hand to tug at his hair, and you look up to see his eyes roll into the back of his head.

“Oh fuck!” You moan into his neck as you come undone. Watching him lose himself never failed to get you there.

He moans around your fingers as he releases up inside you. You retract your hand from his mouth so he can properly catch his breath. You look up at him and he slots his mouth over yours. He licks into you, which normally you didn’t love first thing in the morning, but you were so far gone you didn’t care right now.

“Fuck.” He breathes and presses his forehead to yours. “You’re so fucking sexy like this, Y/N.”

“Harry, please.” You giggle.

“I mean it.” He cups your jaw with one of his hands. “Not only is it our anniversary, but you’re carrying another one of my kids. It’s all I could want.”

“Me too, babe.” You peck his lips. “Could you, uh, help me off?”

“Oh! Yeah, sorry.”

He grips your hips to gently lift you off of him. He helps you into the bathroom, and you both take a nice shower together. You kiss and pet on each other, but it doesn’t go much farther than that since you need to get the day started for Jack and Jessica.

“I was thinking we could have dinner, like, in Boston tonight, what do you say?” Harry asks as he gets Jessica’s diaper bag packed.

“That sounds nice, babe.”

You drop the kids off at Niall and Sarah’s, who were more than happy to watch them for the day. It had been ages since you and Harry had a spa day together. You loved it when you could get away to have one since it always reminded you of the earlier days of your relationship.

You both enjoy how soothing the pedicure is, falling asleep leaning on each other. With your feet getting more swollen by the day, this was exactly what you needed. Once it’s all done, and you make your way further into the city, Harry keeps his hand in yours.

“Feel free to snooze, honey, we may hit traffic.”

“You know how bad I feel when I sleep when you’re driving…”

“It’s really okay, I’d rather you be fully awake during dinner.” He smiles. “Go on, I know you’re tired.”

“That pedicure was just so relaxing.”

“We really got the works done today.”

“Mm, I’m glad we did. I love getting to do that with you.”

“Me too, babe.”

You end up dozing off, and you’re startles awake from Harry’s hand nudging your shoulder. You blink a few times and squint to see where you are.

“Are we at Castle Island?” You ask him.

“What better place to celebrate our five year anniversary than the very place I asked you to marry me?”

“Oh, Harry…” Your bottom lip starts to quiver.

“Don’t cry.” He chuckles.

“I can’t help it, this is so sweet.”

“Well, nothing’s even happened yet, we sort of need to get out of the car.”

“Right.” You laugh and wipe under your eyes.

Harry jogs around the other side of the car to help you out, and you both walk down to the park. Your smile grows when you see your friends and your kids. Sully’s had catered, of course, and there were twinkling lights strung up around the playground.

“Mumma!” Jack exclaims and runs over to you.

“Hi, baby.”

“Are you surprised?”

“Very.” You giggle and hoist him up onto your hip. Harry goes over to Jessica, who was in a stroller, and picks her up.

“Alright, family photo time.” Niall says. “Go on, Buster.”

The dog barks and plops in front of you, and Niall takes a few pictures. You all sit down at the various picnic tables provided, and reminisce about the day Harry proposed, and your wedding.

“I can’t believe how fast five years can fly by, and that’s just our marriage, we’ve been together, what? Almost eight years?” You look at Harry.

“Yeah, this September will be eight years.” He smiles at you and kisses your temple.

“Daddy, how did you ask Mumma to marry you?” Jack asks.

“Well, I could tell you or I could show you.” Harry fishes his phone out of his pocket and pulls up the video to show Jack.

“Mumma, look at you!”

“I know! I was cute young thing, huh?”

“Still plenty young and plenty cute.” Harry side eyes you.

“Mhm, keep watching the video.” You nudge him. It does bring a few tears to your eyes. “That was one of the greatest days of my life.”

“Mine too.”

“Harry, show him some pictures from our wedding.”

“Alright.” He chuckles and pulls a few up.

“Pretty suit, Daddy.”

“Thank you.” Harry kisses the top of Jack’s head.

“Your Uncle Niall officiated the whole thing, it was incredible. When you’re a little older we’ll show you more.” You say.

It was the perfect evening with friends. Harry still found little ways to surprise you, and you loved it. He could be so sentimental and made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

It felt like you had a party every month, but that was how things went when Jessica’s birthday and your anniversary were in April, and when Jack’s birthday was in May. His party was a little less family oriented, although plenty of family still came. You and Harry thought it would be fun to rent out a gymnastics studio for an afternoon for Jack and all his friends from daycare.

The other parents were eternally grateful because they knew all of their kids would sleep well after running and jumping around. Jack was overjoyed. He liked being able to do tricks on the trampoline. You couldn’t believe your baby boy was four, but here you were. He’d be starting preschool in fall, another thing you just couldn’t believe.

You couldn’t help but laugh as Harry sat on the floor with Jessica and helped her do little flips and jumps. Her laugh was hysterical. You rub your lower stomach.

“You’re gonna have the best Daddy in the world, Joshua.” You say to your stomach quietly.

The other good thing about having the party somewhere other than your house was that you barely had to host. You got to sit back with the other parents and just hang out for a bit until it was time for cake and gifts.

Needless to say, Jack zonked right out when you put him to bed, as did Jessica. Not that they needed to have a party every year for every birthday, but you could definitely see yourself doing more parties at other places. It was such a breeze today.

“Baby, you don’t have to do that.” You giggle as Harry rubs your feet once you’re in bed.

“But you were on your feet all day, you must be so sore.”

“A little, but it’s not too bad.”

“It was a good day, huh?”

“Very good. I feel like he’ll really remember this one, you know?” Harry hums his response. “I’m really glad we’re having this baby, helps fill the void of the other two growing up.”

“I wish I had that on camera because I don’t think you’ll be saying that once Jessica’s going through her terrible two’s. You’ll have her in one arm and an infant in the other.” He smirks.

“Mm, pretty sure I have a husband to help me with all that.”

“I’m afraid I’ll be busy helping our son with school work.”

“He’ll be in kindergarten by the time Jess is two, what school work could he possibly need help with?” You laugh.

“The alphabet, counting to one-hundred, coloring inside the lines.”

“If anyone’s going to be the homework parent, it’s going to be me. I am a teacher after all.”

“I dare you to sit down and do some basic math.”

“God, okay, you can be the homework parent.” You bite your bottom lip when his thumb digs into a certain spot in your foot. “Thank you for this by the way, I admit I need it.”

“Anytime, my love.”

Once Harry’s done with your feet, he helps rub some lotion on your swollen tummy. Then he rests his head on one of your thighs while he talks to the baby. He tells him all about Jack’s birthday party. You cards your fingers through his hair while he does so. These were the sweet and tender moments that you’d treasure forever.

Later that week you had your maternity shoot. This time around you did things in the backyard on an overcast day, so the lighting was perfect. You all had summery clothes on, and you did something similar with the hand prints on your stomach with the paint like you had done last time. Jack showed Jessica what to do, and they both had fun pressing their hands onto your stomach. They did the same to Harry’s, which made you laugh because it looked silly with his tattoos. The pictures were gorgeous.

“Now I can get all three sets framed together, it’ll look so nice in my office.” Harry tells you as you both clean up the paint.

“I want one for mine too.” You pout.

“Of course! And one for our room.” He looks you up and down. “Last time, right?”

“I promised only three, didn’t I?” You put your hands on your hips.

“Just making sure.” He replaces your hands with his own. “You look so fucking good, have I told you that enough?”

“Harry.” You chuckle and swat at his chest.

“They’re napping, maybe we should go have a little nap of our own.”

“Hmm…would you go down on me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “It’s just something I’d like right now.”

He grins and yanks you towards the stairs to go up to your room. He yanks your shorts and underwear down your legs before sitting you on the bed. He kisses your lips for a bit, and then gets his head right between your legs. You both knew you needed to be quick, but that was no problem. Harry only needed a couple of minutes down there to get you moaning.

His warm tongue works wonders on your clit, and listening to him moan about how good you tasted was definitely helping you get to where you wanted to be.

“H-Harry.” You groan as your eyes roll into the back of your head. You feel him lap you up before he pops his head up. His lips were glistening.

“Do you think I could fuck you from behind?”

“Sure, I think that could work.”

He waits for you to carefully shift before grabbing your hips, and sliding in. He moans out as he thrusts in and out of you. You hook an arm around his head, and he wraps an arm around you to keep you flush with his chest. His other hand rubs your clit and your head rolls back. He licks into your mouth as you moan, and your tongue meets his.

“You’re so fucking sexy like this, Y/N, fuck.” Harry sponges kisses along your neck as you start panting.

“M’gonna come again.” You whine.

“Yeah? Thanks to who?” He says into your ear.

“You, Harry.” You look up at him and smirk. His eyes widen he starts to shake his head. “You, Daddy.”

“Christ!” He cries out as he comes inside you, you come to your release as well, but you can’t help but giggle. “That’s too powerful.”

“It’s why I only use it for special occasions.” You look back at him and he gives you bum a harsh smack. “Hey!”

“You wanted Daddy, right?” He smirks and gets off the bed to get a rag for you.

“Not that kind.” You rub the sore spot before laying on your back.

“I’ll try to remember that.” He says as he cleans you up, and kisses your forehead. “Sweet girl.” He coos.

It was late August, you were thirty-three, and ready to get his baby out of you. Everything made you uncomfortable, even putting clothes on. You mostly just wore an oversized tee shirt around the house. You were thankful to have the fall semester off for maternity. You couldn’t imagine teaching right now.

Harry had been working from home as much as he could. He still needed to go to the studio to take pictures, but he could edit from home. Jack hadn’t quite started preschool yet, so the kids were home with you for another couple of weeks.

As much as you liked the daycare at work, you were thankful you found a preschool that also had a daycare right next door so Jack and Jessica could still be dropped off to the same place. Harry made sure to ask you a minimal amount of questions every day, full well knowing anything could set you off in some capacity.

You were up walking around, pacing in the kitchen, trying to do anything you could to kick start things. Harry was in the living room with Jack and Jessica. It was too hot to be outside, even with the pool.

“Oh, fuck, Harry!” You call for him and he shoots over to you.

“What, what happened?!”

“My, my water just broke.” You point to the puddle on the floor. “I was just walking around and I felt this sharp pain and it fell out!”

“Okay, oh my god, okay, uh, the bags are in the car already, so we just need to get to the hospital, yeah?”

“Yeah! Oh my god!”

“Oh my god!”

“We’re having another baby!”

He kisses you and then goes to round up the kids before helping you into the car. You breathe as much as you can, hoping Joshua wasn’t going to just slide right out of you. Harry signs you in once you’re at the hospital, and you get wheeled into a room. Your mother shows up to take Jack and Jessica.

“Thank you so much.” You tell her.

“Of course, baby.” She strokes your cheek.

“Be good for Mimi.” Harry tells them. “You’ll have a new baby brother next time we see you.”

Jack beams at you and Harry, and gives you hugs before going off with your mother. Buster was off with Niall and Sarah. Everyone was being taken care of.

“How are you feeling?” Harry asks as he gives your hand a squeeze.

“Relieved.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I want this one outta me, now.”

“Soon, baby.” He chuckles and kisses your forehead.

Joshua came much fast than Jessica did, thank god, and you were able to safely push him out instead of having to go under the knife. Harry sobbed, and so did you, with joy once you were able to hold little Joshua skin to skin.

“He’s so precious.” You whisper as Harry sits next to you with him. “We really are good at making cute babies, huh?”

“Mhm.” Harry says. “Three of a kind.”

Your mom comes in with Jack and Jessica, who were very excited, well, Jack was because he knew was going on.

“Come on in.” You say. “I missed you both. Come meet Joshua.”

Your mom sets them both on the bed so they can say hello. Harry reminds them to be gentle with the baby, well, more so to Jack as Jessica snuggled right up to you.

“Let me take a picture.” You mom says.

After a few photos, and a few snuggles with your mom and Joshua, she leaves you all be. As you look around the room at your now four favorite people, you couldn’t feel more blessed.

“Harry?”

“Yes?”

“I love you so much, thank you.”

“I love you too.” He pecks your lips. “Thank you.”

A few years later…

Jessica was just finishing up her last soccer tryout and technically her first practice. She was one of two freshmen to make the varsity team, and she was sort of nervous the older girls wouldn’t like her. She sees Jack’s car, previously her father’s, pulls up to the field to pick her up. He gets out and pops the trunk for her gym bag, and leans against the car.

“Holy shit…why is Jack fucking Styles here?” Andrea, a senior on the soccer team, says to a couple of the other senior girls.

“Um…he’s my older brother…did the last name not give it away before?” Jessica jokes.

“Guess I didn’t put two and two together…is he going to pick you up every day?”

“If he wants to keep driving my dad’s old car then yeah.” She shrugs and grabs her things. “See you all later.” Jessica waves goodbye and walks quickly over to Jack who helps her put her things into the trunk. “Thanks.”

“How was it? Which team did you make it on?” He asks as they both get into the car.

“Varsity…” She mumbles.

“Are you kidding?! That’s amazing, Jess!” He nudges her shoulder. “Guess soccer camp really did help.”

“And, you know, years of being drilled by Uncle Niall and Uncle Louis.” She chuckles.

“I’m really glad they gave up on me so they could focus on you.”

“You’re a good soccer player, Jack, you just don’t like it.”

“True.”

“Did you finally find out what production the school’s doing?”

“Yeah, and I need a permission slip signed by Mum and Dad…I hate not being eighteen. Your practices will most likely finish before my rehearsals so you can either wait at the field or come to the auditorium.”

“Sounds good. Something tells me the girls will want me to wait at the field for you.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because the second Andrea McPhee saw you her jaw dropped to the ground. She’s probably still trying to reattach it.”

“Andrea, huh?” He mulls it over. “She is pretty cute, but I’m not really looking to start something up before I go to college.”

“I bet I’ll be first one the list for the past fest since they know we’re related. I’ll miss you when you go, but I can’t wait not to be known as Jack Styles’ little sister.” She rolls her eyes.

“What can I say? You got an absolute fucking stud for a brother, can only blame God and biology for that.”

“You’re annoying.” She nudges him.

He pulls the car into the driveway and they both head into the house. You were just getting dinner into the over. Joshua was playing around with his guitar up in his room.

“Hi, kids.” You smile at them. “Jessica, please make sure you throw all those sweaty clothes in the wash.”

“I will! Can you give me two seconds?”

“Oi, you just got home, chill out.” Harry says as he comes inside. He was just cleaning out the pool, which was Jack’s job. “By the way, no pool for three this weekend.”

“What?!” They both say.

“Jack didn’t clean out the filter, and I can’t have that.” He goes over to the sink to wash his hands. “So, Mum and I will be enjoying it, but you three won’t.”

“If it’s Jack’s job, then why are Josh and I being punished?”

“Wait, I’m being punished?” Josh comes down the stairs.

“Because you two should be learning how to do it too.”

“Harry…” You say and shake your head. “Why didn’t you clean out the filter like your father asked?” You ask Jack.

“I forgot…”

“Oh, well, how about I forget to give you the keys to the car this week?” Harry says, crossing his arms.

“Dad.” Jack sighs. “I’m sorry, okay? I’ll be better about it…”

“We’re gonna be closing it soon anyways.” Jessica rolls her eyes.

“Okay, changing the subject, did you find out what team you made?” You say to her.

“Yeah, I made varsity.”

“Varsity!” You squeal and go around the island to hug her, giving her a big squeeze. “That’s my girl!”

“Congratulations, honey, that’s amazing!” Harry says.

“Thanks.” She blushes. Jessica was very shy, other than when she was playing soccer.

“Jack, what did they say about the show you’re doing?” Harry asks, biting into an apple.

“Um…we’re doing Chicago, so I need you both to sign this.” He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket. “My director thinks I’d make a good Billy Flynn, so I’d really like to do it.”

“Oh! That’ll be fun. I’m okay with it.” You grab a pen and look at Harry.

“Yeah.” He shrugs. “It’ll be a high school version anyways.” You both sign it and hand the paper back to him.

“Thanks, I’ll need to practice my tap in the basement a bit, but none of the other boys ever took tap, so I think I’m still ahead of the game.”

“Just make sure it doesn’t interfere with my band practice.” Josh pipes up.

“It won’t.” Jack rolls his eyes. “Dad, are we still shooting that family’s thing this weekend?”

“A family reunion is not a thing…and yes, we are.”

“Cool, my lens just came in the mail and I’m dying to use it.”

“It did?! Let’s go look at it.”

They both go up to Jack’s room and you smile while Jessica and Josh sit down at the island.

“I’m really very proud of you, honey. Wait until we tell Uncle Niall.”

“Thanks, I’m really excited. There’s one other freshman, so I won’t be totally alone. The rest of the team are seniors and a few juniors. Everyone else is on the J.V. team.” She looks at Josh. “These girls are already swooning over Jack.”

“You’re kidding…” He says to her.

“Nope, and I was a little offended. This one girl was like, iS ThAT jAcK stYLes, and I was like…yeah that’s my brother.”

“Did they not realize you have the same last name? It’s not exactly common.”

“Maybe one too many concussions.”

They both giggle together. You were trying not to listen in too much as you were cleaning up the counter. It was no secret that Jack was popular at school. He was talented and handsome, not to mention he just had a swagger about him. There were people who thought it was girly for him to do theater, of course, but he just didn’t care, which made other people like him more. He had such a chill attitude, and he wasn’t full of himself, even if joked about it. Essentially, he was Harry’s clone. It worried you at times, though, because he often got asked to parties and hang outs. He didn’t date much, not that he filled you and Harry in on all that. You knew who his best friends were, and that was all the information you were privy to. He was close enough with Jessica, but she and Joshua were the really close ones. Guess that happens when you’re a year apart in age. It wasn’t always this way, but as they grew up a little, they got closer. Jack and Josh had their bonding moments too. They liked playing video games together, but with an almost five year age difference, Jack really didn’t have much in common with a kid going into eighth grade. You knew when they got older they’d have much more in common.

“I can’t believe the first day of school is just in a few days. You must be happy not taking the bus this year.” You say to Jessica.

“Yeah, I’m really glad you and Dad gave Jack the car. I’m gonna look so cool driving into the senior lot.”

“That’s if I don’t make you tuck and roll first.” Jack says, coming around to give her a half-Nelson.

“Let her go.” Harry says. “You’ll let us know when the open house is and all that?”

They both look at each other and grimace.

“What?”

“Can’t Mum just come to that?” Jessica asks.

“I like to meet your teachers too.”

“Yeah, and they love to meet you.” Jack smirks. “It’s embarrassing.”

Harry had grown into quite the distinguished man. He had the perfect amount of grey in his hair, he had managed to stay pretty fit, that was mostly for you. Not that you really cared how he looked because you loved him, but he liked staying in shape to keep his stamina up. You had stayed in pretty good shape yourself, not to toot your own horn, but no matter what people flirted with Harry. It was the Brit in him.

“Dad and I will go together, then the teachers will know he’s very much not single.” You hook your arm around Harry’s waist and he kiss your cheek, getting a collective groan from your three kids. “You know, you three should be grateful you’re growing up in a happy, loving home.”

“Yeah, how many of your friends actually have parents that are still together?” Harry asks.

“I mean…it’s great, but…keep it to yourself.” Jessica says, sticking her tongue to pretend to gag. “I’m gonna go throw my laundry in.”

“Could wash my bandanas?” Jack asks.

“Yeah, go get them.” She shrugs.

“Wait I have some stuff too-“

“I’m not the laundry bitch, Jesus.”

“Jessica.” You sigh. “Help your brothers.”

“Just because I’m the girl doesn’t mean I have to do their laundry.”

“They’re just asking you to throw some things in with yours, can you just do it please? Or I could do all the laundry, would you three like that? For me to see all of your clothes?”

“No!” The three of them say and race upstairs.

“You’ve really learned how to clear the room, excellent.” Harry says, putting his hands on your hips and leaning in to kiss you.

“What can I say? I have a gift.” You giggle into the kiss.

The school year was going well. Jessica was a starting center-forward on the soccer team, and she played her heart out. Jack and his friends would often go to her games when they could, and the older girls on the team noticed. Jessica’s turn for a pasta fest was coming up soon, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it, but it was happening nonetheless.

You and Harry worked to get all of the pasta and meatballs made. Seth had given you his recipe long ago, he knew how to make a really fucking good meatball. Jessica and Jack get home, and Jessica rushes around to get things tidy before all the girls come over.

“Please, I’m begging you all, don’t embarrass me in front of these girls.”

“Oh, so you don’t want me to mention the time you shit your pants in the pool when you were five?” Jack smirks.

“Jack, you’ve shit in that pool more times than anyone in this house, so unless you’d like me to bring that up, I suggest you play nice with your sister.” You grin at him.

“I was just teasing! Be cool, Mum.”

All of the girls come over, and luckily it was still nice out, so they’re all able to go outside. A few of them kick a soccer ball around. Jack and Josh were up in their rooms.

“This is such a nice house, Mrs. Styles.” Andrea says to you when she comes inside for more soda.”

“Oh, thank you.” You smile. Your last name still legally wasn’t Styles, but you got over correcting people a long time ago.

“Okay, garlic bread is officially done. We can feed ‘em now.” Harry says and Andrea’s eyes widen. “Hello.”

“Hi.” She squeaks and goes back outside. “Christ, Jess, your dad is a fucking DILF.” She laughs.

“Gee, thanks.”

You and Harry bring all of the food for the girls outside, and Jack and Josh come down to take some too. Things get quiet when Jack approaches.

“Hey, Jack.” Andrea says.

“Hey.” He smiles at her.

“I heard you got, like, the lead guy in the school play, congrats.”

“Thanks, I’m pretty excited.” He makes himself a heaping plate, and then goes inside to eat, as does Josh.

“You know…” You say to Jack as you and Harry sit with them inside. “I think that girl has a crush on you.”

“A lot of girls do.” Jack says nonchalantly, and Harry smacks his harm. “What?”

“You could be nicer about it.” Harry says.

“I was! I smiled at her, even had a little conversation. I was very polite. They all giggle every time I pick Jess up, it’s annoying.”

“They just think you’re cute, honey, there’s nothing wrong with that.” You say. “How are things with the girls in the show?”

“Oh, it’s good. Kat got Roxie, and Gina got Velma. We started blocking the court room scene where I get to use Kat as a puppet, it’s a lot of fun.”

“And she’s comfortable with sitting on you?” You ask, recalling how the stage production goes.

“Uh, yeah, she’s very comfortable.” Jack smirks. “Ben got Amos, and I’ve been helping him get off book. Like, all my friends got the best parts, which is great. We’re all gonna hang out Friday after school if that’s alright.”

“Does Jess need a ride home?” Harry asks.

“Nah, she has an away game. It’s home tomorrow, then she has practice, then away Friday. I’ve got the whole schedule memorized.”

“We’ll all be able to go to her game tomorrow, I’m excited.” Josh says.

“It’ll be a lot of fun, I think Niall and Sarah are gonna come too.” You say.

“Oh good, I’ll pack a cooler.” Harry winks at you and you shake your head.

“Jack, when’s Homecoming?” You ask. “I’d like to take you two shopping ahead of time.”

“Uhh, it’s in, like, three weeks I think? I should probably know since I’m nominated for Homecoming King.” He mutters.

“You are?!” You squeal.

“Mum, please, settle down. It’s not that big a deal.”

“Sure it is, do you know how thrilled I would have been to even be on Homecoming court when I was in high school? How did I raise the popular kid?” You look at Harry.

“Suppose I’ll have to take credit for that.” Harry says and you roll your eyes at him.

“Ha! That’s a quarter, Mum.” Josh says.

“You know, this was a stupid thing we started.” You huff and get up to put a quarter in the ‘eye-roll’ jar.

“You just say that because you’re the one that fills it the most.” Harry laughs.

“Maybe if you didn’t give me a reason to roll my eyes we wouldn’t need the jar. Ever think of that?”

Jessica’s game was very exciting. You set up chairs with Harry, Niall, and Sarah. Josh met up with his friends, and so did Jack, god forbid they sit with you. Sometimes you couldn’t believe how fast Jessica could run, she was like a bullet.

“She looks so cute in her uniform.” Sarah says to you.

“Doesn’t she?!” You giggle. “Cutest one out there if you ask me.”

“Let’s go, Jess!” Niall shouts. “She’s quite talented, my best work yet. I miss being her coach.”

“Cut the cord, mate.” Harry chuckles.

Jessica had some very fancy footwork, and she scored two goals that night. The team won, and it was very exciting. A ton of people ran onto the field, including Jack who scooped her, and got her on top of his shoulders so they could cheer. Harry was able to sneak a couple of pictures of the whole thing. It was really sweet to see.

“Okay! Put me down!” She laughs as Jack squats to get her down.

“That was a great game.” He says brightly. “I thought Uncle Niall was gonna pop a blood-vessel when I looked over at them.”

“Well, at least since we won he’ll be in a good mood, and that means we’re totally going out for dinner tonight.”

“Oh, fuck yeah.” They start walking off the field to find everyone.

“Jack?!” He turns around to see Andrea.

“Go find them, I’ll be there in a minute.” He says to Jessica and she nods. “Yeah?”

“Hi.” She tucks some hair behind her hair.

“Hi.” He smiles. “Great game, you’re an incredible goalie.”

“Oh, thanks.” She blushes. “Um, so…we both made it onto Homecoming court…”

“Yeah, we did.” He runs a hand through his hair.

“Are you going to the dance?”

“Mhm, I’m going with my friends…not really doing the date thing.”

“Oh.” She blushes harder. “Um, well…”

“But, I could sit with you at the Football game if you want since we all sort of need to sit near the field.”

“Um, yeah that would be great.” She smiles.

“Want me to just pick you up for it?”

“Sure.”

“Cool.” He smiles. “I gotta going, but I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay.” She smiles. “Bye.”

Yes, you were the obnoxious parents that went to the homecoming football game, but you had an excuse this year. Jack was on homecoming court, and tonight they were announcing who the king and queen would be. His competition were a few jocks and one other preppy kid. Josh chose to sit with you, Sarah, and Niall, while Jessica was off with her friends in the stands. They were all wearing their soccer jerseys in support of the football team.

Jack was sitting with Andrea, like he said he would. He even went to concessions and got them both a hot a chocolate. She was a lot cooler than he was expecting. They had started texting here and there, and he found out that Andrea actually really liked musicals, and was still playing soccer so she could hopefully get a scholarship from a good school.

You got especially excited once it was halftime. The dance team went out and did their thing, they were pretty good.

“You’re a better dancer.” Harry whispers in your ear.

“Shh.” You giggle as he kisses your cheek.

“Please, I’ll go sit somewhere else.” Josh groans.

“Sorry, we’ll behave.” Harry says to him with a smirk.

“Ladies and Gentlemen!” The announcer starts. “It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for, please welcome your homecoming court!”

Everyone cheers as all the kids on the court step onto the field. Jack looked cute as ever in his beanie that had just enough of his curls peeking out. The announcer says who the third runner ups are, the second runner ups, and then it comes down to two more pairs. When he says who the first runner ups are, you squeal because that left Jack and Andrea together.

“…which means, Andre Nelson and Jack Styles are this years homecoming queen and king!”

The crowd goes nuts as the crowns come out, and Harry was already videoing the whole thing before you had a chance to tell him to.

“He won! Oh my god!” You squeal again.

Some pictures are taken down on the field before they’re all told they can go sit back down. The dance team comes back out to do another dance before the second half starts back up.

“So, uh…congratulations.” Andrea says to Jack.

“You too. Listen, I was gonna go stag to the dance, but…I mean, if you don’t already have a date, would you wanna go together?”

“Really?” She smiles.

“Sure, can’t have my queen walking in unescorted.” He smirks.

“Jack, I’d love to go with you.”

“Cool.” He throws his arm around her shoulders as they sit there.

“Mum, please!” Jessica whines. “My date is gonna be here any second.” You were just finishing make her hair look wavy.

“And I’m sure he’ll love the way you look.”

“No, I’m worried about Dad grilling him.”

“Your father will not-“ You hear the door ring.

“Mum!”

“Okay, okay, you’re all set.”

Jessica sprints down the stairs, but cools it when she sees it’s just Andrea.

“Hey, Jess.” She smiles.

“Hey! You look so pretty.”

“Thanks, so do you.”

“Very pretty.” Harry say to Jessica.

“Dad.” She says with red cheeks.

“Right, well, I think Jack’s upstairs, getting that hair under control is a two man job, so I think Josh is helping him.” Harry says to Andrea and she nods. “I’ll go get the camera.”

The doorbell rings again, and you go to answer it.

“Hi, you must be Eric.” You smile.

“Yeah, hi, Mrs. Styles.”

“Come on in.”

Eric was a sophomore who Jessica had gotten to know during one of her study periods. He was extremely polite, and he had started coming to her soccer games.

“Okay, let’s see, I-“ Harry fiddles with his camera and then looks up at Eric. “Hello.”

“Hi, Mr. Styles.” Eric shakes Harry’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same to you. My daughter needs to be home by eleven.”

“Dad…Jack’s driving us.”

“Great, then make sure he brings you back by eleven.”

Josh comes down the stairs to join in on the fun, and Jack makes his way down too.

“Hey.” He grins at Andrea. “You look great.”

“So do you.” She blushes.

Harry takes a ton of pictures, making sure to get plenty of family shots with your three kids. You tear up a bit as you watch the four of them leave, and Josh goes back upstairs.

“What is it?” Harry asks as he flips through this photos.

“Nothing.”

He sets the camera down and comes over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. You wrap yours around his neck.

“Our…first date was around this time of year.”

“That it was. Been together a while now, huh?”

“Mhm, and sometimes when I see what we have…well, I still can’t believe it was all thanks to Niall.” You burst out laughing.

“Oi, I would like to remind you that I’m the one who pressed him for the date with you after he showed me your picture.”

“Okay, you can take some of the credit.”

“M’just grateful you agreed to the date in the first place.”

“I’m grateful you were patient enough to stick around.” You peck his lips and smile. “Was taking it slow all that time ago as worth it for you as it was for me?”

“More worth it than you’ll ever know, my love.” He squishes his nose to yours. “My everything.”

#harry styles #my everything #take it slow #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles series #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles y/n #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #dad!Harry #photographer!Harry

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yourdeepestfathoms · 4 years ago

Text

one day, a horn grew from my head (part one)

Beetlejuice, but BJ is more visibly demonic, there’s world building for the Netherworld, and he has a partner helping him...

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- the whole being dead thing! -

A blue truck rattled up the gravel path, racing to beat the storm beginning to brew up in the sky. Rain was already starting to come down, drizzling over the clouds of dust kicked up by the tires. The headlights shone on the wall of an old house in the distance. From the darkness of the surrounding greenery, sharp teeth spread in a wide grin.

“It’s almost time,” said the demon. “Took ‘em long enough. I thought he’d never get back.”

There was stirring at his side. He lightly whacked the figure next to him. His suit was sopped with rainwater, making the sleeves dangly and heavy as they hung around his wrists. It was odd to be in such merciless weather after having to deal with the acid rain back down in the Netherworld. Sometimes he couldn’t help but turn his head up to the downpour and let it run over his face in refreshing waves of coolness without it feeling like his flesh was melting off of his skull.

When his partner didn’t get up, he lightly poked her in the ribs with a claw. She squealed.

“Come on,” he said. “It’s time to wake up.”

The mud-slathered, blood-stained young demon sat up straight from her curled position against his side. She blinked, and the moonlight caught on her bright hazel eyes, making them glow.

“He’s here,” the larger demon pointed a black-clawed finger at the parked truck and the figure walking to the front door.

The smaller demon flicked her comically large pointy ears at the vehicle, then looked back up at him, eyes shining. A moth landed on one of her horn nubs.

The larger of the two smirked again, alligator teeth flashing. “It’s showtime, kid. Let’s put this plan into action.”

“So, crazy story,” Adam began, taking off his rain-spattered coat. “I got all the way to Howard’s store, and Howard tells me they’re all out of stock.”

“Oh no,” Barbara vocalized her dismay.

“But I asked Howard Junior to check the back for me--”

“Smart.”

“--so he sends little Howard the Third and long story short, I got the last bottle of Manchurian tung oil!”

“That’s great!” Barbara beamed. “Now you can finally finish the crib?”

“Yup!” Adam said, ripping off the cloth of a shiny, wood-carved crib. It was his pride and joy in a strange sort of woodworking way. “It should be ready before the O'Brien’s baby gets here!”

“She had it yesterday.”

Adam blinked. “Oh. Well--” He fumbled for just a moment. “Doesn’t matter! They’ll get it soon! They can put the baby in the…sink…in the meantime!”

Barbara laughed. It was a sweet, high sound that made Adam’s heart flutter.

“That’s definitely a place to put a newborn,” Barbara said.

“It’s round!” Adam said. “It can hold an infant. Plus, it doubles as a bathtub, so you can kill two birds with one stone!”

Barbara chuckled. She was shining one of her newest pottery jugs- her latest hobby. Last week it was painting. The week before that it was embroidery. And the week before that it was composting. He wondered how long this interest would last.

As Adam was shining one of the bars of the crib, rubbing his thumb over the pristine wood, he said, “Maybe we can keep it for ourselves.”

Barbara dropped her jug and it shattered into a thousand orange shards. Adam jumped, nearly ripping the bar right off of the crib. He stood up quickly.

“Are you alright?” he sputtered.

“Yeah, yeah,” Barbara said, haphazardly rushing for the broom. She began sweeping up the broken pieces of clay, then peered over at Adam. “What would we use a crib for?”

“You know…” Adam gestured vaguely.

“A baby,” Barbara smiled softly.

Adam smiled, too. “Yeah.”

“I mean…we do have this whole house,” Barbara said.

“It is a big house,” Adam nodded.

“And we already have a minivan.”

“A minivan is a family car.”

They smiled dreamily, imagining what it would be like to have a baby in their household, babbling adorably, snoozing in their arms, calling them “mama” and “dada”, having toys everywhere, getting in danger as they crawled around, crying, hating them when they grew up…

Adam swallowed thickly. He shifted, and the floorboards creaked below him. “Oh!” He pointed to the ground. “But-- but the floor! Listen to this creaking!” He stepped, and it creaked again, perfectly on time. “We can’t have a family with floors like this! It can be a safety hazard!”

Barbara nodded energetically. She put the broom away and began walking over. “You are absolutely right! Someone could get hurt!”

“Yeah! And we don’t want that to happen!”

“Not at all!”

“We have to do something about it before we have our own baby.”

“Among other things. We have to baby proof this whole house!”

“Yes! Great idea! We should get on that as soon as possible!”

“You’re so right! As soon as possible! So we can get on that baby right away afterw--”

There was then an awful shriek, and Adam realized it came from below as the wood seemed to fold inwards, dropping he and his wife into the darkness below the house. The last thing he remembered was Barbara’s horrific screaming, and then something cold and hard smacking into the back of his skull…

…and far above, in the light of the house, two heads peered into the hole, one with spiky lime green hair and the other wearing a red and black helmet.

“Damn,” Beetlejuice said. “I knew they were going to die, but that was quite the fall.” He stood up straight. “Eh. Still a better death than others I’ve seen. At least their bodies will still be intact. Them being cut in half would make things WAY harder.”

The Jockey nodded at his side. She was leaning treacherously into the hole, so Beetlejuice grabbed her by the back of the helmet to keep her from falling in. He tugged her backwards.

“They’ll get up soon,” Beetlejuice said. “So we gotta get ready. Prepare. Where’s the book?”

The Jockey looked around mutely. Beetlejuice learned rather quickly that she wasn’t much of a talker. He had never actually heard her voice before so he didn’t know if she even could talk, though she did nod when he asked if she could. Whether that was the truth or a lie to save face, he didn’t know, but he didn’t really care because they communicated together rather fine. It was quite a bit easier than he was expecting once he had all of her mannerisms down.

“It’ll show up eventually,” Beetlejuice said, checking the watch he didn’t have. His sleeves were still dripping with rainwater. “In the meantime,” he gazed around the house. “Pretty big place they got here. And for only two people?”

The Jockey pointed to the crib.

“Right. They had been discussing starting their own family,” Beetlejuice nodded. He glanced back into the hole for a moment. The two bodies at the bottom were still in the same position as they had been a minute ago, but the pool of blood gathering around their heads had grown slightly larger. Their lights were definitely knocked out cold. “Hopefully the woman hadn’t actually been pregnant. Nobody likes ghost fetuses. They’re so weird. All crawly and goopy and malformed…” He shuddered.

The Jockey laughed. She was capable of making noises, just didn’t like talking for reasons Beetlejuice still didn’t know.

“What about you? Did you have a house like this? Big? Small? Rich? Poor?”

She looked over at him, flicking one of her ears. She was quiet, as usual.

“I only ask because my housing unit back in the Netherworld was terrible,” Beetlejuice said. “I was once chained in this abyss for, like, a hundred years. It was the worst. Really makes you miss normal houses, doesn’t it?”

The Jockey nodded faintly, her lips pursed, eyebrows knitted together as she stared at him.

There was suddenly a thump as a thick book appeared out of seemingly nowhere, crashing to the ground on a rather ugly green and brown carpet. Beetlejuice picked it up.

“The rulebook,” he presented it to his partner. “Let’s see…” He flipped open to the first few pages and began reading, “The Handbook For The Recently Deceased. Chapter One: The Netherworld. All ghosts should proceed directly to the Netherworld.” He closed it abruptly. “But that isn’t gonna happen! These lovebirds need to stay here with us and haunt their house!”

He thrusted out a hand and the fireplace roared to life, crackling with bright orange flames. The Jockey leapt around to it, the glow making her eyes shine. She followed him over to the mantle as he carelessly threw the handbook into the inferno.

“Whoops!” Beetlejuice exclaimed. “Damn. There goes the book. Now they’ll never get to the Netherworld.”

The Jockey tittered softly. At the same time, there was the sound of shifting from within the hole.

“Barbara…? Are you alright?”

“Oh crap!” Beetlejuice grabbed the Jockey by the arm and yanked her behind the couch with him to hide. They both crouched low, listening as the couple crawled their way out of their tomb.

“Holy smokes! That was some fall!”

“I guess the floor gave out…?”

“I didn’t think it was that weak. Are you alright, huh?”

“I think so…”

“Oh my god--”

“You are like ice!”

“You’re freezing!”

They must have discovered their body’s drop in temperature.

“I’ll make a… I don’t remember making a fire…”

The Jockey’s gaze shot over to Beetlejuice. He shrugged.

“Had to destroy the book somehow, kid,” he whispered.

“That’s so weird. It’s not hot…”

“I think we should consider ourselves lucky. A fall like that could have been bad. I mean, my whole life flashed before my eyes like it does in the movies. I started asking myself the big questions, like… Why are our bodies still in the basement?”

“What did you say?”

The Jockey grimaced behind the couch.

The couple then began screaming, though Beetlejuice didn’t exactly know why. He couldn’t risk blowing his cover just yet to check.

“Adam! I don’t think we survived that fall!”

“…What? You mean… Oh god.”

“Here we go, kid,” Beetlejuice whispered to the Jockey. “It’s our time to shine.”

“I know… I know. There’s still so much I wanted to do.”

“I know, me too, but-- Hey, hey. We’re still together, right? We’re still in our house, all of our stuff is here! So what if we are…dead… That’s bad, obviously, but hey! Maybe nothing has to change!”

Just then, Beetlejuice and the Jockey popped up from behind the couch.

“Hi.”

The Jockey waved.

Barbara and Adam whirled around to them. They all stared at each other in a beat of silence. Beetlejuice held up his hands.

“Do not be afraid,” he said. His sharp black claws didn’t help the statement very much. “You are dead. I am also dead.” He pointed to the Jockey. “So is she. Maybe we can help each other out. What’s up?”

The Maitlands screamed and scrambled away as he advanced over to them with his hand outstretched. He backpedaled in reaction, pointy ears shooting up. He had not been expecting them to act like that. Good thing he had a child with him.

“Work your magic, kid,” he said to the Jockey.

The Jockey did as she was told, slowly walking over to the Maitlands with her hands up, palms out, claws visible, as if she were approaching a pair of spooked horses. The Maitlands seemed to relax slightly in the midst of the young girl, but then got weirdly defensive looks on their face. They bustled around her, forming a barrier of sorts between her and Beetlejuice. She blinked over their guard.

“Hey!” Beetlejuice yelped. “That’s my jockey!”

“Who the hell are you?!” Adam yelled.

“Help! I am help!” Beetlejuice said. “I’m here to help you both! And so is she! So can I have her back now? Pretty sure we have a whole codependent, separation anxiety thing going on here.”

Barbara peered at the small form of the Jockey, then at Beetlejuice protectively, not budging. “Are you her father?”

“What? No!”

Adam’s eyes somehow got even wider than they already were. “Did you kidnap her?!”

“How did you even come to that conclusion?”

But Adam and Barbara were already wrapped up in the theory, becoming even more fierce and protective around the Jockey. Not that they were very intimidating. They had about the menace of a pair of pomeranians, and even that was being generous.

“You’re not laying another finger on her!” Adam yelled.

“I didn’t kidnap her!” Beetlejuice yelled back, exasperated. Hints of orange-red were beginning to flicker around the crown of his head like the first sparks of a fire. If these two newly-deads weren’t so damn attractive he probably would have clawed their faces off by now and found a new couple to get a living human to say his name.

Barbara turned to the Jockey, crouching slightly to meet her eyes beneath the rim of her helmet. “Sweetie, did this mean man take you from your parents?”

“I didn’t take her from anyone!”

“That sounds like something a kidnapper would say,” Adam said, narrowing his eyes at him in suspicion.

“I’m not a kidnapper!!”

The Jockey quickly held up her hands again, shaking her head. She weaved around the protective forms of Adam and Barbara and darted over to Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into his side possessively. He glared at the Maitlands for a moment before cooling off, easing his stare. The red and orange fire beginning to light through his hair went down.

“I did not kidnap her,” he reiterated. “She is my partner.”

Adam opened his mouth.

“NOT LIKE THAT!” Beetlejuice cut him off before he even got the chance to say something. “Partner in business. My business partner. We work together.”

“You work with…a child?” Barbara asked.

“She’s more useful than half of the adults I know.”

The Jockey stood up a little straighter at that.

Adam looked Beetlejuice up and down. “You said you were here to help us…”

“Right!” Beetlejuice perked up. “Yes! We are!”

“Help us with what?” Barbara asked.

“To learn how to scare!”

“Scare? Scare who?”

“The people who bought your house!”

At that moment, two men dressed in delivery outfits came in and began grabbing everything they saw. Barbara and Adam tried to stop them, but their yelling and waving did little to help. Beetlejuice and the Jockey watched on in amusement.

“They can’t see us!” Adam finally exclaimed.

“Keen observation, Adam,” Beetlejuice said. He took the crop from the Jockey’s holster and began waving it around as if he were giving a presentation. “The living ignore the dead. We are invisible to them. And they’re so wrapped up in their stupid little lives that they usually just ignore the strange and unusual unless you make them, which is why we’re here.”

“This is all so much to take in,” Barbara said, running her fingers through her hair.

“Hey, I get it,” Beetlejuice said. “It’s a lot, but it’s okay! You two are special! You died together! That NEVER happens! Unless it’s a murder-suicide, which makes for a VERY awkward eternity.”

“How did you die?” Adam asked warily.

Beetlejuice laughed. “Oh, that’s cute. I was born-dead. Never got to experience human stupidity.”

“And her?” Adam nodded at the Jockey.

“Horse racing accident,” Beetlejuice said. He thought it had been obvious from her muddy and bloody silks and the hoofprints branding her body. He tapped a claw on her helmet. “She doesn’t talk very much, so don’t expect an answer from her.”

“Wait-- how can you be born dead?” Barbara blinked.

“I’m a demon, Babs, try to keep up.”

Both Barbara and Adam’s eyes widened. Thankfully, they didn’t freak out like they did the last time.

“You’re a WHAT?!” Adam yelped.

“So is she!” Beetlejuice pointed to the Jockey.

“You don’t…look like demons…” Barbara said hesitantly.

“Well, that’s just rude,” Beetlejuice looked down at the Jockey. “I swear, Breathers read the Bible once and think all demons are the same.”

The Jockey nodded with a tiny giggle.

“Demons aren’t exactly what you’re used to,” Beetlejuice said to the confused faces of the Maitlands. “If you weren’t already ghosts, my true form could strike you dead simply by being in your midst. I can kill a Breather with a single stare! But I appear in this form,” he gestured vaguely, “to seem less intimidating. Don’t want to scare off any potential clients.”

“You need to work on that,” Adam said.

“I can go more demonic whenever I want, though,” Beetlejuice went on, ignoring him.

He then snapped his fingers and a pair of black-and-white striped horns burst out from the crown of his head. A long, arrowhead black tail slithered out from his waist as his legs painlessly bent backwards into a more hock-jointed position, large talons pressing out from his ratty shoes. The Maitlands stared in shock. The Jockey looked enraptured, her ears fluttering.

“Like so,” He presented himself to them. “And this isn’t even what I REALLY look like.”

The Jockey clapped energetically. Beetlejuice grinned at her toothily.

“I was born a demon,” Beetlejuice said, looking back at the Maitlands. “Therefore, I was born-dead. She,” he drummed on the Jockey’s helmet, “became a demon. That happens if a ghost becomes too consumed with bitterness, grief, or anger and can’t get over their deaths.”

Barbara and Adam both shot worried looks at the Jockey from the implication behind Beetlejuice’s words. Beetlejuice didn’t blame them for that one. It was uncommon for ghosts to become demons; only if their deaths were REALLY bad. And for a child to turn, no less…

“Anyway,” Beetlejuice continued. “There’s a lot of feuds between the two types of demons because born-demons perceive turned-demons as “falsies” or “dirty half breeds” since they used to be humans and weren’t born with their horns and whatnot.” He tapped one of the Jockey’s little horn nubs for emphasis. “It’s just this whole thing. We get along just fine, though!”

As if to prove it, he and the Jockey smiled innocently, showing their sharp teeth. The Maitlands blinked back at them. Adam glanced over Beetlejuice’s shoulders as the movers continued to haul out furniture.

“So you can really help us get our house back?” he asked.

“You bet your sweet dilf ass I can!” Beetlejuice replied animatedly.

Adam’s cheeks flamed to an adorable shade of pink. Barbara looked slightly startled before barking, “There’s a child here!”

The Jockey waved a dismissive hand and mouthed, “I’ve heard worse.” She then tugged on her filthy silks for emphasis of sorts.

“Please say yes!” Beetlejuice said, trying not to beg. “Nobody else can help you! We’re all you got!”

Adam and Barbara cast one more dismayed look at their departing furniture, then said, “You’re hired.”

Electric green shot through Beetlejuice’s hair like the lightning bolts during an acid storm down in the Netherworld. His tail had to be wagging at the speed of light. He shook the Jockey’s arm eagerly.

“They said yes!!” He yipped, and the Jockey grinned up at him gleefully. He looked at the Maitlands. “You won’t regret it!”

The Maitlands looked slightly worried.

“I sure hope so,” Adam muttered.

--- --- --- --- ---

Jaws dripping with gore, the many-limbed, razor-clawed amalgamation towers over the smaller creature on the street, holding a heart between its teeth. The smaller creature raises its blunted, chipped, and ripped off claws in a sign of weakness, spiked tail tucked between its legs. The abomination devours its heart, then hisses in its ear, “D o n ‘ t e v e r t o u c h h e r a g a i n.”

--- --- --- --- ---

Beetlejuice’s eyes popped open. He stared into the darkness all around him, thick and tall like walls of onyx. Rain was still falling outside. Normal rain.

There was shifting at his side. The Jockey curled up tighter against his side, finding him warm despite the Dead being deathly cold. Finding his presence comforting despite him being awful.

She didn’t need to sleep, and yet she did. Perhaps to retain a shred of normalcy in her unlife. The Maitlands seemed to be the same way from the soft snoring coming from the other corner of the attic. It was too dark to see them, but they were there.

People were there.

His tail was still out, so he draped it over the Jockey’s ankle, testing her reaction to the touch. Even in sleep, she stirred, ears flicking slightly. She slumped over completely into his lap, her head cushioned by one of her arms, pointed tongue caught between her sharp teeth. Beetlejuice snorted. He poked her helmet.

“I don’t know how you sleep in this,” he said.

There was no answer. Even if she weren’t asleep, she wouldn’t give him one. That was okay. He didn’t mind her silence.

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice the broadway musical #beetlejuice au #beetlejuice fanfiction #beetlejuice fanfic #beetlejuice fic #beetlelands #demon!jockey #lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth #adam maitland #barbara maitland #the jockey #blumjuice #one day a horn grew from my head

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formulatrash · 4 years ago

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What are your thoughts on fanfic writing in the f1 fandom? I am pretty sure I saw you tweet about it at some point something small but I was too scared to interact with you on it over at twitter :D

So, this is a hotter topic than I’d really like it to be on my Tumblr and it’s my own fault but. Here we go.

RPF has some questionable ethics and some even more questionable origins. I’m ancient enough that it just used to get straight-up published as a ‘5 minute fantasy’ in young women and girls’ magazines where you’d get like, some 15 year old’s daydream about meeting a boyband member on holiday and falling in love and this was for some reason just treated as an absolutely normal bit of publishing not like ‘what the hell, that would be illegal’ and ‘why is this the fantasy we are encouraging girls to have as an ambition when it comes to sports or even pop success’ and y’know.

Anyway, the 90s: really can’t emphasise enough how fucking weird having only a few sources to get your media from makes them.

Back to RPF; its roots are in political obscenity, if you want to talk about the bawdy stuff. The French Revolution, in particularly, wrote lots of erotica (the kinkier the better) about the royal family as part of refusing to acknowledge their divine rights under the church. It was an anarchical refusal to accept the situation as it was and to undermine it.

Beyond that you’ve got historical fiction - Thucydides was all about working up a really good narrative take* on the Peloponnesian war back in the fifth century BC. Extra scenes, big dialogue, you know. If he’d known about self-lubricating buttholes then you BET Herodotus would have put them in the Histories.

Point is: writing fiction about real people isn’t really that weird, Shakespeare did a load of it. But we tend to problematise RPF and consider it strange, even amongst fanfiction.

Now, to 21st century sports and specifically F1. We speak here on Tumblr dot com, the audience where F1 fans skew most largely LGBT, non-cis and female or non binary rather than every other platform which is full of cis het men. Here is where we talk about fanfic. Because they don’t know we’re here, I assume, is the logic.

(they kinda don’t, to be fair)

Most of us do not see ourselves in sports. Most sports media is not aimed at the way that a lot of us were socialised to engage with stuff and most of us - lucky buggers like me aside - do not get to write the narratives of the way sport is engaged with or talked about or who does it.

A lot of us who live here on god’s abandoned internet have drifted in and out of fandoms and a lot of that will have involved engaging with fanfiction. Fanfiction is a really fun sandbox to play in, as an adult - we get told to stop playing, as we grow up and it’s no surprise that we still want to.

There’s a six monthly cycle of some AAA game that asks the question “is shooting people bad?” that prompts 10 broadsheet newspaper pieces on Videogames: Not Just For Kids Anymore (and sub in comics/superheroes/etc for games there) that makes everyone who knows that roll their eyes. Games and comics and superheroes are big, legitimised industries now that turnover hundreds of billions of dollars.

Fanfiction is an outlier, as the purest form of play in a lot of senses. Unfettered, it’s the democratic media platform; there’s no minimum standard for publishing, there’s no real limits beyond your own ethics on what you can publish. it doesn’t turn a profit, by its very definition and it allows lots of games and versions of itself within that.

For something with a ludicrously broad definition that encapsulates hugely different types of works, it has defined forms; from drabbles to wingfic, as structural formats, we also recognise fluff or hurt/comfort as genre. Fanfiction isn’t really the thing itself, it’s the bookshop and what you find in it will vary on where you look and often, the advice of the bookseller or friends you speak to.

If you’ve enjoyed wandering that bookstore and adding to its shelves as part of the way you engage with media and then you come to a sports fandom? Well, you’re gonna look for the fic. If you don’t see yourself in the sport, as a woman or a queer person then you can write yourself in. It’s sad that we sideline the fantasies where we exist - given they’re entirely normal to have - into places where we jealously guard them away from the reality we daren’t intrude on but that is how it is.

And fuck: if your whole reason for liking F1 is cus you wanna marry a driver and you’re writing those 15 minute fantasies about them like you’re 15 and they’re a poster then it’s not doing any harm - it’s a lot healthier than stalking them. You might even work out what you really want or more things about yourself, in the process.

(if it’s ‘to marry an F1 driver’ then I suggest you take some boring swimwear snaps somewhere that looks expensive, stick ‘em on Insta and wait for the DM slide)

One of the things I like best in fanfic is the possibility of a queer narrative without complications, of telling queer stories without having to justify them as Issues, of letting us see ourselves and our own awakenings because fuck, you know the big book shop (if such things still exist) has one shelf of expensive, niche published novels you find difficult to related to and three sex ed books.

F1 fanfic was one of the ways I wandered back to the F1 fandom and one of the reasons I work in the industry now. It was enough of an in to make me want to really think, to have that new crush energy of obsession and enjoyment, about motorsport in a way I’d drifted away from as I felt sidelined from the sport through my early-to-mid 20s. I found brocedes much more compelling, as an interpretation and a way of processing the intense rivalry between Lewis and Nico - even knowing it was fictional conjecture - than I did the equally fictional conjecture about their psychological states and potential weaknesses published in the sports papers.

So, yes, I have read some excellent Formula 1 RPF. I have written some frankly mediocre and in retrospect very poorly edited F1 RPF that I posted to Twitter in a drunken moment of excitement because I was happy I’d finished it and forgot, idk. I have a tricky relationship to being a Notable Person I guess, I hadn’t intended any harm and was mostly worried I’d get flack from the industry. Lol. Anyway, only saying it cus like; this isn’t just me talking about things theoretically.

There’s a lot of F1 RPF that is more insightful than a lot of columns about ‘inside the drivers’ minds’ working off very little more than the RPF is.

Some of it, I won’t lie, I find really fucking weird but I guess like, that ain’t for me. There are a lot of problems with RPF - it’s too male, too frequently misogynist, too keen to reinforce homophobic ideas, too often white and blonde, not radical enough but those issues are for the advanced class rather than the 101 overview I was aiming for here and go well beyond F1 or RPF.

Shit I should be writing the weather report. Fuck. I’m the worst. Err, there you go, that’s a whole thing.

(I don’t read very much - I am busy af - but occasionally and especially on long haul flights when the idea of anything other than soothing is impossible)

*Actually tbh Thucydides couldn’t write for fuck but it was early and you know how when a tag’s young you’ll read a lot of mediocre stuff?

#f1 asks #f1 rpf

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band--psycho · 5 years ago

Text

I Can’t Lose You- George Weasley x Reader

“It’s not a lie,” Harry began, standing up, his voice louder than before.

“I saw him, I fought him!” He continued. A few people gasped at his actions.

“Detention, Mr Potter,” Umbridge said, turning her back from him.

“So according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord?!” Harry asked in a venomous tone, making me flinch slightly. Most of this year had been filled with people either talking about Cedric or talking about Voldemort returning; I believed Harry, when he said he’d come back-it was the only reasonable explanation-I knew my cousin, we were always very close, and he was a very talented wizard; and with the Deatheaters rising up again, it made sense.

“Cedric Diggorys death was a tragic accident,” Umbridge countered coldly,causing me to roll my eyes.

“How did he die then?” I asked, my voice calmer than I expected. I could feel everyone's eyes burning into me, as Umbridge made her way towards my desk. I noticed a lot of looks were filled with confusion, most of them had rarely ever heard me speak without stumbling over my words; but this time was different.

“Excuse me,Miss..?”Umbridge asked.

“Miss Diggory, ” I began bluntly, seeing some of the redness fade from her cheeks

“I asked, how did he die.Surely the Ministry must know...I mean how often is it that a seventeen year old dies at school?” I repeated with slightly more annoyance in my voice.

“My dear, I understand how all of this must be so difficult for you,”her sickly sweet tone made me want to be physically sick as I mentally rolled my eyes.

“But unfortunately, people do die in those tournaments, and awful as it is, you cannot believe all the stories and lies that you hear,” She continued, sending me a patronising smile as she walked back down to her desk, I could feel the anger boiling through my veins.

“Normally, most stories have a bit of truth to them,” I countered as she walked away.

“Perhaps, but lies do not, Miss Diggory,” She responded, ending with her annoying laugh as her eyes focused on me.

As she swivelled round on her heel turning back to the chalkboard; I could feel my eyes burning through the back of her head.

“Now..back to the basics,” She chirped.

~~~~~~~~~

That lesson seemed to drag on for hours, I didn’t think I’d ever prefer Potions with Snape, over Defense Against the Dark Arts, seen as that’s one of my favourite subjects..but Merlin's beard, was I wrong. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve never had the best of luck when it comes to teachers for this subject...and considering our teacher last year was a Deatheater who had escaped Azkaban, I thought this year, for once, we might just have a good teacher; like Professor Lupin. Instead, we get this pink toad, who thinks that training to be witches and wizards requires us not to use spells. I don’t think any teacher has ever made me as angry as she did when she was talking about Cedric…thoughts then began to roll through my head about Cedric, thinking back to when we were kids and going on adventures….

“Heya gorgeous ,” George said in his usual charismatic tone, a cheeky smile on his face as he made his way towards me, dragging me from the reminiscent thoughts.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, clearly seeing that I was upset, but I didn’t say anything, all I did was wrap my arms around his torso. Instantly he wrapped his arms arounds me, comfortingly, we stayed like that for a while, his arms almost shielding me from everything and everyone else. I don’t know whether it was because of how angry I was, or because I’d just been thinking about Cedric, or because of George's comforting touch, but I felt tears begin to fall from my eyes, only causing George to pull me closer into him as he placed a kiss on the top of my head. After a short while, he pulled away from the hug, wiping away the tears that had fallen from my eyes.

“Cmon, let’s go somewhere we can talk,” he whispered to me, interlocking our hands.

“What happened?” he asked as we reached the Astronomy tower.

“Umbridge,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair, dropping my bag on the floor.

“She said that Cedric's death was an accident, she’s delusional. I don’t understand how or why the MInistry won’t believe Harry...he’s back. He’s back. He killed Cedric and they’re not gonna do anything about it!” I ranted, my voice raised as tears trickled down my cheeks.

“Breathe baby,” George cooed, cradling me in his arms like he had done before.

“I just… I don’t understand it...how are we meant to protect others and ourselves if no ones going to teach us anything...how many of us are going to end up like Cedric because people can’t face the truth,” I sobbed.

“Baby, you can’t think like that,” George whispered, soothingly to me as he stroked my hair.

“It’s all I can think about right now..it’s all I’ve thought about since the tournament, there’s a war starting..and now we can’t even learn to defend ourselves from it...”I began, sighing as I pulled away slightly to wipe my tears from my face.

“All I think about is what happened that night, what if it happens to you or Fred..or..-”

“Y/N/N,” George said, placing his hands cupping my face lightly.

“You’re going to drive yourself insane thinking like this baby. If there is war, we’ll protect each other like we always do. We’ll all protect each other, none of us are going to die, okay,” He cooed, tilting my face up to look at him.

“I can’t lose you…” I whispered, my hand tracing his neck.

“You’re never gonna lose me baby,” He reassured.

“And even if you did, I come back as a ghost and haunt you,” He joked, tickling me slightly, causing me to laugh a little.

“We’re all gonna be okay baby, I promise.” He continued, his voice going slightly more serious but the smile remained on his face, as he kissed my forehead. I wanted to believe that what he said was true...that we were all gonna be okay...but I was still scared and I knew he was too....

Tag list:

@yowiewowie-ramblinrabbit @glicabhainn00 @sooophie19

#George Weasley imagine #Harry Potter Imagine #harry potter and the order of the phoenix #George Weasley Imagines #George Weasley x reader #George Weasley x oc #george weasley x y/n #george weasley x you #HP imagine #harry potter x reader #harry potter imagines #HP era #HP era Imagine #HP era imagines #george weasley #dolores umbridge #anti umbridge #george weasley fluff

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scarletemeterio-thesecond · 4 years ago

Note

hey, i saw you write for tdp, could i request a soren x reader imagine where reader is a half-elf or something like that? please make reader gender neutral if you can

Omg, my first request! I love this idea, there are not enough Soren imagines, and of course I'll make it gender neutral! I hope you like it! It's a bit long because I had to put some context in it, much love <3

•••

Uncovered Secrets (Soren x Reader)

Warnings: Mentions of death

Genre: Angst, a lil bit of fluff.

Fandom: The Dragon Prince

Summary: See request

Word Count: 1978

part 2

I've always had to hide myself from everyone. I had to learn from a young age how to do it. I've always been told how, when I was a baby, I was found at the border and given to my father after saying he would take care of me, and he has ever since. I'm a hybrid, half Moonshadow Elf and half human, so I had to learn as soon as possible how to do magic in order to create illusions to hide my appearance. I remember when I first did it at the age of ten, I was so happy, all those years of covering my head and half of my face were over, I didn't even have to paint my eyebrows anymore; I could finally be normal and treated like any other human in Katolis.

Life from that moment really changed for me. My father was a respected general so I'd always lived in the castle, but I started hanging out with the other kids, Prince Callum and Lord Viren's children. We quickly became inseparable and did pretty much everything together. I think it's safe to say that everyone knew about my special friendship with Soren. I don't know why, but we just understood each other even from a young age, and it only got stronger as the years passed. He was always there for me as I was there for him, he'd helped me a lot when my father passed away and I trusted him with my life, we knew everything about each other... except for what I really was. I thought about telling him a couple times but I knew it was wrong, and I knew how much humans hated elves, even Soren. But this was the life I had, I was destined to hide from the people I cared about the most. Or at least, that was until Rayla appeared in our lives.

The two Princes, Rayla and I discovered that the egg of the dragon prince hadn't been destroyed, and we were going to take it home to its mother. During our trip, I decided to tell them the truth, if Rayla had been accepted as our friend then there was no reason to fear anymore. Thankfully, I was right, nothing changed between us and I even stopped using magic to hide my true appearance. It was weird but at the same time it felt right, it was freeing.

We've been staying with Lujanne for a few days now, enjoying the little dragon's company and giving ourselves a little break. Rayla and I knew we had to go, though, but the Princes weren't very interested on leaving yet, so we agreed to stay one more day. Everything seemed fine but the elven girl and I felt a bit unsafe, so we decided to take turns and keep guard in case something or someone decided to appear.

It was my turn to keep guard so I was looking for Rayla to replace her but when I found her she was lying on the ground, surrounded by two people. I prepared myself to attack, thanking my father for all those sword and combat lessons he'd make me take, I wouldn't let them hurt her.

"Get away from her!" I yelled as I approached them, but I stopped when I realized who they were. Soren and Claudia were standing a few feet away from me and it felt like I hadn't seen them in a lifetime.

"Oh, great, another elf?" Soren said. "So what, there's like a whole other group of you?" I could sense the hatred and disgust in his voice. He didn't recognize me, neither of them did. Before I could say or do something, Rayla woke up and took them by surprise.

She started fighting with Soren and I got out of my trance only when Callum showed up, trying to calm everyone down. He was happy to see them and I would've been too, but I just couldn't believe what had happened.

"She kidnapped you and Prince Ezran, how can she be good?" asked Claudia about Rayla. "And it seems like she didn't act alone because there's another one of them too!".

"No, wait! There was no kidnapping, Claudia. We went with her by choice" explained the older Prince. "And what do you mean by 'another one of them'?"

"Well, what does that mean then?" said Soren, pointing at me. Hearing him speak about me like that was the worst thing I could've ever imagined.

"That is (Y/N)" answered Rayla, clearly annoyed at the blonde boy.

"What do you mean? (Y/N)'s hair is not white and they don't have horns, or pointy ears, or those weird things under their eyes! Stop lying!"

"Soren, she's right. It's me" as soon as I said that I used my magic to change how I looked, going back to how they knew me. "I'm a hybrid, I've been using magic ever since I was ten to blend in".

I could tell he was shocked and he opened his mouth to say something but the words never came out.

"Listen, guys, it's late. Let's just get some rest and cool off, okay?" We all agreed to Callum's words and went back with the others but I could tell there was a thick tension in the air. And that tension stayed there until we all went to bed.

When we woke up, we had breakfast together and I started using my magic again, at least when Claudia and Soren were around, I already knew what they thought of me and I didn't want to put up with their looks too. I spent all day learning some magic with Lujanne, it was nice to learn from an actual mage and it didn't hurt to get my mind off some things for a while.

When I was done for the day and ready to go to bed, I heard someone knocking the door.

"Come in" I said loudly.

"You'll never guess what happened today, (Y/N)" said Rayla as she entered the room, we had become good friends in the last couple days and it felt nice to have someone kind of like me around. She told me about what Soren had done earlier that day, and about how she tried to talk to Callum but he didn't pay any attention to her. "And I just talked to Lujanne because maybe she would help me and I realized that the only way for them to completely trust me is by telling them the truth, even if it hurts them".

"The truth? What do you mean, Rayla?"

"This is not easy to say but... Their father is dead and I've been wanting to tell Callum but I just don't know how to and I-"

"Hey, Rayla. It's okay, you're just trying to protect them, I'm sure they will understand. We're friends, remember?" I interrupted her, trying to clam her down. She let out a deep breath and nodded with her head. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course, (Y/N). We're friends, remember?" she said, repeating my words. I smiled weakly before continuing.

"I'm not totally surprised about what you said about Soren, not after how he reacted with me at least. And you know what's the worst part? I'm sure that his father is behind what happened earlier today. I know him but he just needs Viren's approval, you know? And it hurts, a lot actually. I just hope he realizes there are people who truly care about him before it's too late".

"You like him, don't you?" I opened my eyes at her words, trying to deny it but all she did was smile. "You're not very good at hiding it, (Y/N)".

"I guess I'm not. I just hope that deep down you are wrong and that they both realize that what they're trying to do is wrong".

"I hope so, too" she hugged me tight, wrapping her arms around my neck. "It's late, I think I'm gonna go to bed" she said as she started heading towards the door to go to her room.

"Go, I'll stay up a bit longer".

And suddenly that 'bit longer' turned into at least two hours. I couldn't sleep, I just kept thinking about Soren and his attitude. I decided to get out of my room and go to the Moon Nexus, if I was going to stay awake thinking about things at least I would have a nice view while doing it.

I was standing against the edge when I heard someone coming. I started hiding my true appearance out of instinct but was interrupted in the middle of the act.

"You don't have to do that". Soren's voice sounded loud in contrast to the silence of the night. I stopped using my magic and he came to my side. "Can't sleep?"

"Yeah... What made you change your mind?" He stood there looking confused, not understanding what I was talking about. "Yesterday you didn't even recognize me without the illusion and even looked disgusted at the sight of me. What's changed?"

"I noticed you hide your elf-like features when I'm around, but I've never seen you being more you than when you stop hiding" I looked at him confused, I thought I'd made sure to use my magic whenever he was around. I could tell he saw how disconcerted I was. "I saw you practicing your magic earlier today and then playing with the kids. I've never seen you so... Happy and free".

There was a brief silence between us until I broke it.

"That's because I've never truly felt like that, until I stopped hiding".

"I'm sorry for acting like that yesterday, I was a fool. And I think you look really cute like this".

"So you don't hate me?"

"How could I ever hate you? You're the most important thing in my life, (Y/N)".

I smiled at his words and turned my gaze to the water underneath us. I looked into his eyes again and we started getting closer and closer, but just when our lips where about to touch, I backed off.

"I'm sorry but I really need to ask you something. Why did you lie to the boys earlier, saying that King Harrow missed them?" he looked confused and a little bit scared.

"W-What to you mean?"

"There's no way you hadn't known that he was dead, you literally are a Crown Guard, Soren. So just tell me why you did it, please".

Again, there was silence, but this time it was tense and extremely awkward.

"I-I'm sorry but-"

"But what? You can't tell me? Why? Because it would ruin whatever plan your father has regarding the Princes?" I stopped to look at him but he was avoiding my eyes. "Because you don't want to admit that it was a strategy to be able to kill the boys a lot easier by making them trust you?" I said, remembering what Rayla had told me before about the zip line.

He just stood there, now a few feet apart from me and I could se how surprised he was, but I also could see something else, that I was right about my assumptions.

"You don't understand, (Y/N), I-"

"Oh, no, Soren. I think I understand really well".

As soon as I said that I left, going back to my room with tears running down my face, and ignoring Soren's voice calling for me. How could he even think about doing that? How would I tell the Princes? Would I even tell them at all or would I just try to keep them safe without destroying the image they had about his so-called friend? I had so many questions and not even one answer. I only knew that Rayla wasn't wrong at all.

•••

Oh, boy, this took a long time to write. I was thinking about doing a part 2 but I'm not sure about it.

-Mica :)

#soren x reader #the dragon prince fic #the dragon prince #soren fic #soren fanfic #soren tdp #soren imagine #soren the dragon prince #the dragon prince imagines #tdp imagines #tdp x reader

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sevman49 · 4 years ago

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I promised myself to write about my pilgrimage south to meet the woman I believe I now belong to. The Woman I Believe I Belong To. Sounds like the title of a country song. I'll write it later. I'm inspired. I went to meet her and planned on spending the weekend if we hit it off. That was my hope. I ended up staying two and a half weeks.

I'd like to tell you more about her, how beautiful she is, how well off she is, how she became so well off, describe her elegance and the environment she inhabits. But I'm not allowed to. I can't tell you her name, not that you would recognize it if you aren't a local. She knows I will write about her, and will allow it only if my discretion is absolute. I understand why it's necessary, I just can't tell anyone else why. I'll just refer to her as She and Her. I can't even describe her house or it's location, that would give her identity away. She is known and she is important. And powerful. And secretive.

As I wrote earlier, she wanted a wife, she's not gay, she wanted a male wife. A companion who would handle all the so called wifely duties in the household. Keeping it clean, doing the laundry, do the cooking and serving, be her confidant and company, amuse and entertain her, obey her, be her sexual toy and tool, keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself, and most importantly, be prepared to be fucked, battered, trampled and physically and mentally womanhandled when she returned home every evening. I had no problem with that. And one last thing, be invisible to the outside world. I would never accompany her in public and when she had visitors, I would be locked away in a very private room built just for that purpose.

So, what's in it for me? In no particular order, these are my benefits. I would be fucked, battered, trampled and physically and mentally womanhandled by this exotically beautiful, lithe, flowery but firm gynarchistic minded female every day and night. I would be her very secret, forcefully confined, oft beaten, heavily disciplined wife who sucked her dick ( or the female version of that) any time she snapped her fingers. I would live well and be well taken care of by her and be monetarily rewarded on a monthly basis. All I had to do was whatever she said and keep it all to myself and her.

I would maintain my own residence back home and live my normal life there whenever she traveled for business purposes, which would intermittently add up to about to about 6 months out of the year. When she departed I would slip out in my new sports car in the morning darkness to drive home and slip back in the same way upon her return. We have it all worked out. It's doable and I'm excited about it. I'm to give her my final assent when she returns home in 3 weeks. I already know yes is my answer. But there are things I need to think about before I sign the contract regarding our nondisclosure agreement and the financial terms I would agree to.

Har! I would do it for nothing! But I won't tell her that. I DO need income of some sort after all! Might as well consider this my dream job. I should ask about insurance benefits also. I could get hurt doing some of the things she has in mind for me. Again, I'm ok with that!

What things, I imagine anyone asking? I shouldn't say, but, fuck it. Let's talk about the last two and a half weeks. During this part, I'm going to reveal how I came to be as submissive as I am. Why it's a part of me I couldn't change if I wanted to. And I don't want to. It's who I am, as long as I remember, and I'm most at home and comfortable in this state.

No one who knows me now knew me when I was growing up. My life before my college years was a thousand miles away from here. My father, before he passed away when I was 7 years old can best be described as a reclusive yet hugely successful financial genius. He saw trends others didn't and invested in what are now universal corporations with well known brands and worldwide recognition. With his blossoming fortune and his disdain for populated areas, he bought the land others considered wilderness and built an estate for his family where our nearest neighbors were 60 miles away. The everyday items people shop including food and substance were delivered to us on a weekly basis. There were people employed to take care of things so we had contact with these people but otherwise we lived by ourselves, like rich pioneers in uninhabited areas. There was him, my mother, then in a 6 year period 3 children. My older sister two years my senior, then me, and two years later my younger sister. We were all born into isolation and it's all we knew. We had all the amenities other kids grew up with except television, we just didn't know the other kids. We were diligently home schooled 3 days a week by Miss Kerr, a young teaching assistant who had a room of her own in our home who stayed with us Monday through Wednesday teaching us about scholarship and society in a variety of subjects.

Now for the facts of life about what made me who I am today. My mother was a beautiful woman even by today's standards, and she was an early day Female Supremist. My earliest memories are of her as the boss of our household, the absolute ruler of my father, who did whatever she told him to do and if he didn't, she was quick to punish him physically and mentally. Not behind closed doors but in the presence of my sisters and I. Father never complained, he just took his punishments and apologized for angering her. Mother was a slapper and a spanker. She never forgave a misstep by him and took no pushback nor excuses. Just instant correction we witnessed a thousand times. Mighty slaps that sent him staggering backwards apologizing while she advanced on him landing WHAP after WHAP like a well trained prize fighter. This was everyday life for us. My sister's and I couldn't even imagine a world where a male was even equal to his partner. We all knew my future role in this family. My sister's sure did and they would strive to be the woman my mother was. They just needed the go ahead from Mom. They got it when Father had a heart attack and was gone in the blink of an eye. After a week of mourning and services Mom called us into the parlor for a family meeting. I knew my life had changed by the seating arrangement she dictated to us. Her and my sisters on the couch on each side of her, and me on the floor sitting at their feet facing them. I wasn't shocked, what else did I expect? My life as a male was about to take shape. But there was, indeed, a surprise I never saw coming. And she led off with that. My sister's were equally caught flatfooted. But, it meant something different to them, and it made them smile when it was spelled out to them.

"Stephen", she began, " You are now the man of the house. You've always been like a son to me (well, of course, thought I) but the time has come to tell you this. You are my adopted son. We love you as if you were born to me but we adopted you at birth and raised you for this very situation, in case your father , your adopted father, passed on. When Kate was born, we decided to adopt a male to serve her and for her to train as she matured. We were certainly glad we did when Cindy was born two years later. She also needs a male to train. You are sitting at our feet for a reason, Stephen, do I have to spell it out any further?"

There I was, a seven year old boy, receiving the news of the world, that my whole existence was a lie, that I was brought into this family to become a servant for my sister's when the time came, and that they really weren't my sister's. Imagine the shock and trauma I should have felt. Here's what I felt instead. I'm sitting on the floor with 3 females sitting over me, each now putting their feet on me and none of them are related to me. I remember that as my first intentional sexual hard on in my life.

"No, maam, I get it" Ex-mom smiled and told me she was proud of me, that she always knew I was a good boy. My older now stepsister had her foot resting on my shoulder and I asked her if I could lick her feet. She nodded, pleased as punch, and covered my face with both feet. I did that to mess with my 5 year old stepsis. She was actually gonna be tougher than her elder sister. In time.

There's a lot to tell about the path my life took for the next 10 years.but, I digress. That's another story and I'm anxious to relive it as I look back on how it shaped me. And led me into the life of servitude with a remarkable very respected socialite that no one, not even you know about yet.

I could keep on and tell you what I expect, but I'm heading back to her tomorrow, so I'll just let the realty dictate from here. I hope I have a good story for you.

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bookshelfdreams · 5 years ago

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(Part 2 to this; morning after)

You wake up with the all-too familiar feeling of having received a thorough ass-kicking the day before. Everything hurts. Your head aches, your shoulder is a nightmare and your ribs are not ready to do anything more drastic than lie in bed all day. You feel stiff and sore all over, and that is before you open your eyes and realize that you are not home. Right. Solaris. You came to him and he helped you, for whatever reason.

You sit up, slowly. You still feel a little dizzy, but not nearly as much as last night. Getting up is still a challenge, your left arm is mostly useless, which throws off your balance. But once you stand it isn't so bad, and you make it to the hallway in one piece. You find the bathroom on the first try – all the doors are open. So it wasn't a trust thing. You refuse to feel guilty for your thoughts from last night.

Once you are inside you close the door and lock it. As much as you appreciate Solaris' help you do not want him to know the full extend of your injuries. He's seen the worst of it already, he does not need to know how weak you truly are.

Your face is not as bad as you expected. There's an impressive bruise forming on the right side of your forehead, centred around a cut that disappears into your hairline. You have bled all over yourself, but Solaris cleaned away the worst of it last night. There's still some blood clinging to your eyebrows and of course your hair is a nightmare but that will have to wait until you can find some place to shower.

You pull up your shirt enough to inspect your ribs. Faint blue bruises spread over the right side that will become a lot more colourful over the next few days. You take a breath. Ouch. They are reasonably solid when you feel them tough, and you decide to believe there is nothing broken.

Bruises and scrapes on your arms and the unmistakable marks of too-tight handcuffs around your wrists. Those will fade fast, hopefully.

You do not check your legs. You know there will be more bruises, but you walked across the whole city yesterday and if something had been seriously wrong you would not have been able to do that, so you leave it.

When you come back out, Solaris is just coming down the stairs.

“Oh”, he sounds genuinely surprised. “You're still here.”

“Um.” This is awkward. “Yeah, I'll be out of your hair in a minute, but there's-”

“No, no!” Is that a – is he smiling? Genuinely smiling, at you, a villain (or Rogue, he’d probably prefer that), standing barefoot in his hallway. “I thought you would have left in the night, but – I kinda hoped you wouldn't.” And yeah, definitely smiling, a little awkwardly. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I got beat up and then slept on a couch”, you say, because why not be honest.

And Solaris. Chuckles. Like you made a joke.

Unbelievable.

The dude will find a villain bleeding on his doorstep, bandage their wounds and befriend them in the morning.

You can’t deal with this. There are more important things to talk about, anyway.

“You know, I didn't just randomly get my ass kicked last night.”

Solaris looks at you, thoughtful now, the smile vanished from his face.

“You wanna tell me what happened?”

“Yesterday”, you start. “In the morning – well, it was still night, really. A bunch of people broke into my place. I thought they were your boys, at first.”

Now it's Solaris' turn to raise an eyebrow. “My boys?”

“Police. Special forces, whatever – thought you'd finally done the strategic thing, tried to smoke me out.” Literally. You had woken up choking on smoke. There had been a fire in the stairway. You put it out, sucking the oxygen right out of it, dispelled the smoke. Your neighbours weren't hurt, but that hadn't been the intention of the arsonists anyway. All they had wanted was for you to reveal yourself.

“Wasn't the case, obviously. There were – I don't know, maybe 5? They wore all black, body armour, helmets, the whole thing, but no uniforms, you know? Had their faces covered, as well. They tried to take me in.” They had come at you from behind, as you were still trying to cough the smoke out of your lungs, stunned you, beat your head against the floor. Kicked you a bit, for good measure. Pretty effective, you have to admit. Your powers require you to concentrate and giving you a concussion is a good way to prevent that.

“How did you get away?” Solaris asks, disbelief in his voice. Fair. You knew you could hardly expect him to trust you, not when he is an Official, a hero. In his world, as long as you stay on the right side of the law, nothing bad happens to you, and human rights are a thing that exists.

“They used normal handcuffs on me.” You smile a little. “Their van had standard issue locks as well.” Telekinesis is your power, which they must have known. You have no idea why they would have been so stupid. Did they think hitting you over the head would leave you unable to pick a lock? Please. This trick was one of the first you learned, you could do it with your eyes closed, half asleep, bleeding out.

“And they just let you walk out?”

“They didn't expect me to get free. I jumped out.” Luckily the van hadn't been that fast. Luckily you had fallen asleep on the couch, still dressed. Luckily you had thrown on your leather jacket before running outside to deal with the fire.

“You jumped out of a moving vehicle?”

You shrug, one-sided. “Wasn't fun, but there also wasn't anything else I could have done.”

Solaris just looks at you, with an expression that borders on horrified. “And they didn't come after you?”

“I jammed their gas. Locked the doors.” You can't help a smirk. “Bet it took them a while to get the thing to stop.” You decide to wrap this up quick. “I hid during the day, waited for dark. I knew they'd be looking for me, so I couldn't go to any of my usual places. I didn't-” you manage to stop yourself. I didn't want to put anyone in danger. “Anyway, I thought they'd never suspect me coming to you. Whoever they are.” Also, Solaris can take care of himself. He would have probably beat the guys to a pulp, plus if he disappears there are going to be questions.

“So yeah. I don't know who they belong to, or what they wanted from me, but I though you should know anyway. Doubt they'd be after you, but I can't be sure what they want with – you know. Specials.” The word almost makes you shudder. Yikes.

“Wait, you said they weren't law enforcement?”

You shake your head. Say about cops what you will but they would probably not set fire to a house full of civilians.

“And they basically tried to abduct you?”

“Basically.”

“And you think they are after people with powers?”

You flinch. That's even worse. But, “Yeah.”

Solaris takes a breath. “That's a lot to take in. I need some coffee. You want to stay for breakfast?”

And right. Sure. Why the fuck would you not want breakfast with your nemesis.

“So”, Solaris says after you sat down and you learned that he takes his coffee black, because of course he does. There's toast and you are trying really hard to restrain yourself and not eat the whole loaf. “These – people. Any idea what they were? Who they work for? What they wanted?”

You swallow. Another one-sided shrug. “Don't know. But...”

He looks at you expectantly. “But?”

You sigh. How could you explain this to him. “Sometimes people disappear. Kids, mostly. I'm sure you know that. And sometimes they are found. Mostly it's just parents having messy divorces, right? But sometimes...not. Sometimes someone will just not come home from school. Or be taken into foster care, never to be seen again. And they usually aren't the kind of families where cops put a lot of effort into the investigation, you know?”

To your surprise, Solaris nods. “I have – heard about that.”

“Right. Well, usually this doesn't happen to adults, because we know what we are capable of, and many of us have jobs and shit. We can defend ourselves. But recently, there were some weird things going on.”

“Like what?”

“Like people feeling like they were being followed. I know some people who I haven't heard from in a while, mostly homeless. You know.”

“You think someone tried to take you – for what?”

You shrug again. Truth is, you don't really want to think about it, just like you do not want to think about what might happen to children in white rooms.

“There have always been people who wanted to find out what makes us tick, right? What makes it so some people can do things others can't.”

Solaris nods. “I heard that there were efforts to develop a prenatal test for powers.” He glances down at his plate, thoughtful. “And there's the military testing, too.”

“You know about that?”

Now he looks back at you. “Of course. I'm not an idiot. How do you think-” he cuts himself off, but you might have an idea what he'd wanted to say. Huh. Interesting, you think and file that information away for later.

“Anyway. Not to be cocky but I'd be a pretty good catch, wouldn't I? Nobody is gonna ask too many questions if I disappear.”

“Your powers are strong. Useful.” Solaris looks at you with an expression you cannot quite decipher. “People would notice if you were gone though.”

“Maybe, but what's another dead villain? Mostly, people would just be glad I was no longer around to make their life more complicated.” You take a sip of your coffee. It's gone cold, but you drink it anyway.

“Whatever. Just thought you should know. If they are going after someone like me...well. Don't know who else might get on their radar. Maybe keep your eyes open?” You get up. Leaving the dishes for Solaris to deal with is okay, you decide. You are a villain, after all. There's a limit to how domestic you get with a hero and that limit is reached.

“Of course. Thank you.”

“No.” You turn around to look at him proper, one last time. The next time you will see each other, he's gonna be in uniform again. “Thank you. Truly. For everything. You didn't – have to do that.”

“I'm glad you came to me”, he says, and you might just believe he's actually genuine about it. “I'm glad you – you knew I'm not the kind of person who would turn you away.”

I didn't, you want to say, but you know it would just be to hurt his feelings. So you don't. He doesn't deserve that. You smile at him, say “See you on the streets”, and out you go.

The street is empty. You were right about one thing: They did not expect you to come here. You still hurt all over, but you feel more like yourself than you did last night. You start walking as casually and inconspicuous as someone with an arm strapped to their chest and blood in their hair can. There's a small park nearby, the kind that is mostly a public dog toilet, with a few trees, a path, a sandbox. You make sure nobody watches you before you disappear.

#i have known these dumbasses for 1 day and i love them so much already #there's a whole THING behind this and idk if ill ever get to it but this is what i have so far #solaris and the shrike #i wrote a thing

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cxhnow · 4 years ago

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Growing Up With Chloe x Halle

The Bailey sisters on why they didn’t switch up overnight — the world just caught up to their speed.

On their 2018 debut album The Kids Are Alright and on Freeform’s Grown-ish, a 19- and 17-year-old Chloe and Halle Bailey sang “Watch out world, I’m grown now.” So you’ll have to forgive them for acting out a little on their new sophomore record — they warned us. While Ungodly Hour might sound like a pivot to the grown ‘n’ sexy side of R&B similar to plenty of their peers, trading TKAA’s colorful doodles for chrome angel wings and skin-tight latex, they’re really just living the same truths they preached up and down TKAA: Own your insecurities, work hard, don’t get distracted by drama. “When we created this album, we said, Okay, we want to show all the different sides and layers of us,” Chloe tells me, sitting side by side with her sister, over Zoom from their family home in Los Angeles. “We don’t just want to show this one side. A lot of people still think we’re teenagers.”

Now 22 and 20, the former child stars are ready to explore the topics they’ve been singing about since they were kids making covers on YouTube, the ones that landed them a record deal with music royalty before they were old enough to vote. The new album calls out former flings, seethes with jealousy, and apologizes when necessary. Lyrics like “It’s four o’clock / you sendin’ me too many pictures of your …” and “No drama, no baby mamas” immediately started dating rumors online, roping in their Grown-ish co-star Diggy Simmons. While most fans are having fun with it, those a little, um, outside of the Baileys’ age demographic are still struggling (try to get through this Breakfast Club questioning without cringing). In case you missed it: They no longer have to change Beyoncé lyrics from “You showed your ass” to “You showed your butt” — on “Do It,” they proudly sing “I’m a bad girl, shake a li’l ass.” Alongside all the perks of growing up, the album makes sure to normalize the struggles, too.

When the coronavirus pandemic sent Halle home to L.A. from The Little Mermaid rehearsals in London, their house (complete with mom, dad, and younger brother, Branson) became their album rollout headquarters. One of the few albums to not be pushed due to the coronavirus, Ungodly Hour was originally planned for June 5, but the deaths of George Floyd in Minnesota, Breonna Taylor in Kentucky, and far too many others across the country, created a moment that Chloe and Halle felt they couldn’t ignore. They pushed the album one week, to June 12, and continued to use their platform to share petitions, funds, and awareness, while also personally signing petitions and making donations. As both an escape and work, they’ve been focusing their energy on the album, diving into elaborate DIY remote performances and mashing up songs, but making sure to leave Sundays for rest. After a busy weekend tearing up the BET Awards and Global Citizen virtual stages, channeling Aaliyah in one performance and going full rock and roll in the other, they’ll be back on Instagram Live this Thursday for Ungodly Hour Tea Time, where they often chill out in Snuggies, try to remember what day of quarantine it is, and update their supporters on their lives.

How has it been, emotionally, to have to sing and dance while all of this turmoil is happening? Halle Bailey: Emotionally, what’s keeping us afloat is music and feeling better through the art. I think that’s why we love music so much because even though we create it and we sing it, we use it as our healer, too. Everything going on really makes you reflect. But we’re young black women, this hasn’t been anything new to us. Our community has known about this for a very long time, and it’s constantly upsetting. But what I’m appreciating about technology and social media is that our voices can’t be silenced anymore. And the things that they used to try to hide, they can’t any longer. We’re seeing these injustices happen over video, and [so is] the rest of the world who’s usually ignorant to the racism that’s been underlying in this community. They’re seeing it and they’re upset as well. So it’s good because change can only happen when we’re all working towards a common goal. I can’t wait to see what comes out of this.

I feel like every time we have one of these moments where everyone is just mourning so publicly in such a communal way, there’s also music that uplifts us. Talk me through deciding to postpone the album.

HB: During the height of the George Floyd protests, emotionally, we just were not right to release a project. Our little brother and our father — when we see a video of George Floyd getting killed in the street, we think that could be them tomorrow. And we wanted to shine the light on what needs to be seen. That George Floyd video, Breonna Taylor, all of the other brothers and sisters that we have lost to police brutality — that is what needed to be at the forefront and what still needs to be at the forefront.

And when The Kids Are Alright came out that was right around March for Our Lives, the Women’s March was happening. How does this moment compare for you?

Chloe Bailey: Wow, now that I’m thinking about it, this time, it feels a bit more like change is really going to happen. Around The Kids Are Alright, we went to the March for Our Lives and we were around that incredible energy; it was really positive and uplifting because we were all banding together. But for some reason, this time right now … I feel like we have the entire world’s attention. Actual change is going to come out of what’s been happening. So, it feels the same but different, right?

HB: Yeah, I definitely think this one feels more massive. Feels like, Okay, maybe we’re getting somewhere this time. Maybe it won’t just go away a week after all of this is over, you know?

In the early stages of Ungodly Hour, did you go in wanting it to be something that showcased your maturity? Or did that come out as you were going with it?

HB: We absolutely knew that we wanted it to showcase our growth, the evolution of us into young women. Because I feel like The Kids Are Alright was very much us finding ourselves and that project took three years to make. So with that length, you can kind of go through and see like, Oh, wow, they must have been really shifting through and figuring out what’s wrong and what’s right. So, for this project, it was like, Yes, we are here. We are now grown women. I’m 20. My sister’s about to be 22 this week.

CB: Hey!

HB: So we took that and we were just like, Let’s show who we’ve become. And let’s show the side of us that people don’t see whether it’s the naughtier side of us or the insecure side of us, or the part that picks every single thing apart about ourselves out. We wanted to show all the layers of us as young women, once you kind of know who you are, but also you’re still learning.

You’ll never be a finished product.

CB: Never, constantly evolving. And that’s the goal.

There have always been glimpses at your boss-bitch attitudes, hints of it in your music and on Grown-ish. Do you ever get the sense that you’re waiting for the industry and fans to sort of open their eyes and catch up to where you’re at?

CB: I’m not gonna lie, there are some moments. And I remember when we were even creating this album we were putting a certain pressure on ourselves. Because we were thinking, What do we want the world to hear from us? What do we think the world wants us to sound like? What would make people become more receptive to us? I remember we were creating for, like, one to two months in that mind-set, and we were creating some of the worst music we ever have.

HB: Yeah, it was. It was trash.

CB: It was because we weren’t creating from our hearts. We weren’t being honest with ourselves, and as a musician, you gotta be vulnerable and share that true part of yourself or the music isn’t going to be very good. Once we threw that out the window and said, You know what, let’s create a good body of art, the album continued to write itself. But that main lesson for us was never change yourself; the world will catch up to you when it’s ready. I feel like they’re kinda ready now for this project. It’s older and more mature than The Kids Are Alright because we’re older and more mature than who we were when we created that.

In making a more vulnerable album, were you nervous about expanding your image in that way? Was there anything that you debated not including or things that didn’t make the cut?

HB: Wow, so, I will say that our parents kind of had a hard time … well, not a hard time, but just like opening their eyes to the fact that, Okay, these are the topics that we’ve decided to talk about. This is what’s happening. It was really fun for us to watch them. I completely understand how they feel because, you know, we’ve been just little babies to them and now we’re growing and they’re hearing [about] certain things that we’ve been through, or that we just wrote in the music. They have been like, “Oh, okay, so that’s that.”

Fans tweet collabs at you all the time, but what’s your actual approach to choosing who you work with? (Ungodly Hour features just two major collaborations: Swae Lee on “Catch Up” and the title track with Disclosure.)

CB: Definitely we have to be fans of them, number one. Even though we make music, we are such big music fans and music lovers. Two, we have to feel like the person can sonically fit the song. We don’t want to throw just anyone on a song just because they have a big name, which is really cool too. It’s really great to get big features. But it’s so funny because we have a big wish list of who we hear on which songs and some people bite, some people don’t. It’s always fun to see what the end result will be. And I know we’ll start putting out remixes and stuff soon, which will be fun.

HB: It’s very interesting because it’s hard during the creative process. You kind of have to open yourself up to somebody you do not know when you make music; it’s a part of your heart that you’re sharing. So, it’s a very intimate thing to do with a stranger. Which is why with my sister it’s really easy. But when it comes to us working with new people, we gravitate towards the ones who have very open spirits and souls, nice people.

Chloe, would you ever produce for other artists?

CB: Absolutely, 1,000 percent. That would be so much fun. I would be getting out of my comfort zone, because the only person who I can comfortably produce in front of is my sister and blast it loud over the speakers. Whenever we have other sessions with other producers and we’re collaborating, I’ll put my headphones in, I won’t blast it on the aux with theirs. I have my little computer on my lap because I like using weird sounds and samples and chopping them up in a weird way. Sometimes it’s trial and error, so I don’t want people to hear my mistakes.

HB: She’s amazing and she should just blast it everywhere she goes, okay?

CB: I would definitely love, love, love to do that.

Yes, we want to hear you everywhere! So, when shelter in place started, you guys very flawlessly transitioned to doing these home covers and incredible remote performances. What’s the process of coming up with these concepts, especially the more elaborate ones?

HB: Oh my gosh, it’s really just a bunch of play. When we’re coming up with concepts, our creative director Andrew Makadsi is really amazing at seeing our vision for the songs before we actually perform them live. It’s been really interesting and exciting to have new songs to play with. But as far as the covers, you know, those are easy. We can do those in our sleep; we just love singing other people’s songs.

How long does it take to pull together a remote performance like the Today show one for example?

CB: Our amazing creative director came up with that and it took him a day. He just kept sending us a bunch of references and photo ideas he thought of and we picked the backdrop we wanted. The song arrangement, because we always like to switch it up every time, takes —

HB: Like a day.

CB: It takes us like ten minutes to arrange the songs. But then we took some of the choreography [by Kendra Bracy and Ashanti Ledon] that we learned during the music video shoot, and we added new choreography ourselves for the Today show performance. We were like on the floor and stuff — we did that the night before we filmed it. That took us like 30 minutes because we wanted to make sure the moves weren’t awkward because we’re not choreographers, so we would prop up our iPhone and that would be our little dance-studio mirror.

You guys are really doing it by yourselves in quarantine. So, what’s the tennis court situation? Has that always been there?

HB: Yeah, it has actually, we just haven’t really used it. I mean, we’ve been where we live for about two years now. We never really thought to use it until quarantine happened ‘cause we always go somewhere else to shoot performances. That’s been a beautiful evolution — using what we have. We feel so blessed to just be able to do what we love and also do it somewhere nice.

The tennis court performances have been life-giving.

CB: It’s been so useful, from the at-home photo shoots we have to do and then the performances, like I’m so grateful. We don’t actually know how to play tennis, but there are basketball hoops on each side so our little brother Branson’s usually out there. So, when we do have to do these things, I feel bad because he’s always out there shooting hoops, but he’s like, “Okay, you can have it for two hours …” [x]

#vulture #june 28 2020 #june 2020 #2020 #interviews #articles #ungodly hour #ungodly hour interviews #ungodly hour articles #chloe bailey #halle bailey #chloe x halle #chloexhalle #chloeandhalle #chloe and halle

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krisroley · 4 years ago

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February 9th, 2021

One Small Moment

Today I want to talk to some specific friends who I won't name, but I'm fairly sure that this will apply to way more of just them.

First things first, I'm not going to insult your intelligence by giving you a bunch of platitudes. In my experience, they're nothing but empty calories. Filler and no substance, they're designed to make the person giving them feel better, not the person who needs help. In some cases, people who need help end up feeling worse. I'm one of those people, so I absolutely understand the feeling. So, no bullshit from me. Cool? Moving on.

Let me describe my lack of bona fides right upfront. I'm a guy with a high school education and one year of college because I let my dick do the thinking up to the point that I ended up homeless and friendless. I tried to follow in my Dad's footsteps and join the military and washed right out after six months because I have a mouth bigger than my brain. I come from a family that describing as dysfunctional is exceedingly generous. My dad had anger issues, my mother was a narcissist manipulator, as is my brother. He's got a criminal record and is probably on his way back to prison for at least 12 years as I write this. I'm the voice of reason in my family, and as I have said repeatedly, this should scare the fuck out of you. I got married at 24, and I had three kids by the age of 30. I've been dirt poor most of that time. At this stage of my life, I believe that I am an undiagnosed case of autism from the 1970s because my kids--all of them--are on the spectrum. I didn't have a bad childhood if you looked at it from one angle, but I had a horrible one if you looked at it from the inside out. I inherited my Dad's anger issues and my mother's narcissism. I was a horrible husband for years until my wife walked out on me in 2005. It made me face myself in a way I had not seen before, and I couldn't take it. I had a nervous breakdown. My wife thought I was worth saving, and I am forever grateful for it. I promised I would work on my issues, and I have. Three times in my life, I thought I was at the end of my rope. Not from a thought of suicide ideation, just that there was nowhere else to turn. No one else to ask for help. No one else I could lean on. Just Roley.

That moment right there is the point. The entire lesson. One small moment when your brain says, "Well, you're really fucked now, aren't you?" There is only one answer to that question, and that answer is yes because if you answer no, you ain't there yet. Trust me on this. You have to answer yes. This is the moment where you're accountable to no one but you, and you cannot lie to yourself. You can TRY. It ain't gonna work. Not for long.

Let's not bullshit ourselves. There is a lot of work in repairing a life that you fucked up on your own. You climb up out of a hole for years before you ever see daylight. I was a shut-in for two years because I thought it better that the world forgets about me. I tried to make a living from home in 2006-2007, but this world we live in hadn't come to pass yet, and I was living a fantasy. It made me feel worse that I couldn't provide for my family, but I could barely function as a human at that point. So I decided to do the only work I was capable of: Working on myself. I read every self-help book and mental health book I could lay my hands on. I dug deep into myself to try to figure out why I was the person I was, how I became that way, and the answer was straightforward. First, I thought I was absolutely normal. My behavior, though abhorrent, was how I was raised. My parents treated each other and us kids horribly, but it wasn't physically abusive save for a couple of times I'll keep to myself. I grew up in the same environment I perpetuated. I was continuing a cycle. Secondly, to accept that fact and to change meant work I wasn't ready to take on. But human psychology is a lot like a car in that regard; you can do the work now, or you can do it later, but it's going to cost you a lot more. In my case, it almost cost me everything. It was the third of those three times that I faced myself in the mirror and heard that voice, and this was the time I said yes.

For two-thirds of my life, my story is a story of failure, of self-hatred, of being a bad example. But from the age of 35 to 50, it's a story of repair and redemption. I'll put my humble path to today up against anyone's and dare them to do the work I've done to heal myself and come out who I am today. I'm still married to the same woman for over 25 years now. I've got three amazing kids who I adore. Up until May of this year, I had what I consider to be a dream job until COVID ate it, but I'm still with the same company, and I'm going to bust whatever amount of ass it takes to get my job back or demonstrate the skills I learned there to someone else who's willing to take me. I have a sense of self-worth and purpose that I've never had before, and I'm not taking being a call center tech support agent for the rest of my life. It is a means to an end, and it is not my life's work. I know what that is. It's helping you in the best way I know how: By being not the example of how to fix it, but from showing you by my example, it CAN BE FIXED that you can go from being a person full of anger and self-loathing and cruel behavior to being a person of kindness and compassion and love for people. That you can go from being a person who has no prospects to a person who can go to a job every day that fulfills them personally and professionally. That you can go from being a person who hasn't got their shit together at all to a person that can get morning to night without falling apart at the seams. This is my road, and my lane, but it's big enough for you, and I want you on this road with me. Some of you are gifted and talented beyond description, but the world doesn't know it yet because you have these problems. I know. I get it. I also see who you are, and the world deserves to see you as well. I had no one else to turn to at that last moment, so I did what I had to do. Myself. I'm asking you to take a walk with me because I don't want you to have to do it on your own. I may not know your way home, but I can get you as far as Anchorhead. You can get transport there to Mos Eisley or wherever you're going.

I had to get one joke in there somehow.

Did Joe Know About This?

On the heels of the news of Joe Budden maybe-kinda-sorta-moving his show to Patreon (which is weird since it looks like it’s being hosted on Libsyn now), Spotify has announced plans for multiple business models for podcasts, possibly to include ad-supported subscriptions and a la carte options. These may be discussed at a live stream event later in February.

Asked if Spotify thought customers would be willing to pay for podcasts, Ek on the earnings call responded that he believed there were several new models that could be explored.

“I think we’re in the early days of seeing the long-term evolvement of how we can monetize audio on the internet. I’ve said this before, but I don’t believe that it’s a one-size-fits-all,” he said. “I believe, in fact, that we will have all business models, and that’s the future for all media companies — that you will have ad-supported subscriptions and à la carte sort of in the same space, of all media companies in the future.”

“And you should definitely expect Spotify to follow that strategy and that pattern,” Ek added, more definitively.

The answer seemed to indicate that Spotify is considering some of the ideas in that recent survey — of getting consumers to pay for some podcasts, instead of accessing them all for free or having them bundled into their music subscription.

I wonder if Budden was aware of this and balked. Would there be a revenue split between Spotify and the creators, and what’s the ratio? Now that I think of it, isn’t that what they’ve been crying about re: Apple?

For more than a year, Spotify has been making noise about Apple’s unchecked power over the App Store, and in March 2019, it filed a complaint against Apple with the European Commission. Spotify claims Apple’s practice of taking 30 percent of an app’s revenue is unjustified, and says the company operates as a monopoly on iOS.

Suddenly, I find this Budden/Spotify deal more intriguing.

Wait, You Can Make Money Doing That?

Julie Miller from Vanity Fair writes about Hollywood coming over to the Pod Side for ‘fun and profit’:

…entertainment types began orbiting the audio space about two years ago in earnest, as the number of Americans listening to podcasts every month headed toward the 100 million it is today. It was also around 2018 that agencies like CAA began incorporating audio deals into their development packages. One insider estimates that many celebrities could get a six-figure guarantee per year, with the biggest actors receiving between $1 million and $3 million to launch an unscripted podcast. Scripted projects offer less up-front money but can be adapted into TV shows, films, books, and so on.

For the record, I am Steve Jobs, “Podcasts are Amateur Hour" Years Old. For years, podcasting was seen as less-than, so when I see stories like this, the little imp of the perverse in the back of my head tosses a bone at every true media elitist who, strangely, has a podcast now..

How About Not Doing That?

Chris Curran over at PES has a question about your thin mouth:

When I’m doing my fine-tuned editing on a podcast episode I use TwistedWave or Sound Forge because they allow me to VERY QUICKLY zoom in, highlight very small things like single mouthclicks, and delete them.

When I try to make the same kind of edit in a DAW (Reaper and others) it takes forever.

What say you?

For the most part, my workflow tends to remove mouth clicks, or at the very least minimize them. If they still show up through my noise gate, I highlight and remove them. I can’t say this happens often because I like to make sure I keep some water near me while I’m recording. The single biggest thing you can do to prevent mouth clicks is to keep hydrated. Remember, you can’t fix it in Post if it never happens in the first place.

Shot Of The Day

#Joe Budden #Spotify #Monetization #Podcasts #Hollywood #Vanity Fair #Julie Miller #Podcast Engineering School #Mouthclicks #PES

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nazariolahela · 5 years ago

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Something Domestic: Chapter 14

A/N: Hey y'all! This story is told in first-person narrative, from Riley’s (MC) POV. There will likely be smidges of canon in this, but not too much. Thanks for reading, and please leave feedback, and/or if you would like to be tagged.

This week’s chapter is a bonus from Liam’s POV. I was really excited to write his side of the story. I hope you enjoy it too.

Catch up here

Series Tags: @burnsoslow @aworldoffandoms @dcbbw @ladyangel70 @texaskitten30 @sunandlemons @jlynn12273 @indiacater @jared2612 @rainbowsinthestorm @drakesensworld @badchoicesposts @msjr0119 @katurrade @blackcoffee85 @cynicalworlds-blog @hopefulmoonobject @beardedoafdonutwagon @cmestrella @sugarandspice-milkandhoney @superharrietsuper @custaroonie @lady-calypso @ritachacha @olympianpantsuit @desiree-0816 @the-soot-sprite @kate-mckenzie @narrytheworld @octobereighth @lynne1993 @queen-anastasia-universe

Synopsis: When Riley Brooks takes a new job as a nanny for the affluent Rhys family in New York’s Upper East Side, she assumes she’s just going to care for the children of the couple who hired her. But instead of just school pick-ups and afternoon snacks, she also finds herself spending time with Liam, the handsome divorced dad. Can Riley control her feelings for Liam while still performing the job she was hired for?

All characters are the property of Pixelberry Studios. Thanks for allowing me to borrow them.

Chapter Summary: Liam and Leo try to get to the bottom of the tabloid scandal and Liam tries to win Riley back.

Almost a month had passed since the tabloid incident. In that time, the press found plenty of other scandals to latch on to. Not hard to do in this city. Lucky for me, my divorce has all but been forgotten about. I still get the occasional paparazzo bombarding me with questions of if I’m “banging the new nanny,” but for the most part, they’ve moved on.

The last month has been hard on the kids as well. After Madeleine fired Riley, she replaced her almost immediately. Seems kind of suspicious to me, but whatever. The new nanny — a woman named Belinda — is a lovely woman, but the kids haven’t quite warmed up to her like they did Riley. They keep asking me when she’s coming back. I don’t have the heart to tell them that she probably won’t. They were visibly upset when I told them she would no longer be their nanny. Charlotte cried. Philip asked me if she didn’t like us anymore. They still talk about how much they miss her. To be honest, I do too.

If we’re being honest here, I never once thought she did it. And not because we were involved. I saw how she was with my kids and I could tell she genuinely cared for them. She treated them like they were her own. Many nights I would come home from work and hear Philip talk about all the fun things he and Riley did, or hear Charlotte gush about how pretty and nice Riley was to her and how she let her wear whatever she wanted to school. I also remember all the times she told me that she didn’t care about my money, so there’s no way she would sell us out for a payday.

It’s Monday morning and I’m sitting in my office at Cordonia Enterprises looking over the numbers for this quarter when my brother Leo strolls in, looking like he had just woken up from a week-long sex and booze bender. He moves over to the bar cart, pours himself three fingers of scotch, and plops down in the seat across from me.

“You look like shit, little bro,” he smiles behind the rim of his glass.

“You would know. You smell like a brothel.”

He laughs loudly and takes a sip of his scotch, then sets it on the desk. “Well, you’re ex-nanny needed someone to comfort her after you tossed her out on the street, so I offered her my services. Did you know she makes the cutest noises when she cums?” He makes a show of adjusting himself. “My balls are getting tight just thinking about it.”

I clench the pen in my hand with enough force that my knuckles turn white. I know he’s trying to fuck with me, so I take a deep breath, controlling my rage. “What the fuck do you want, Leo?”

He chuckles and kicks his feet up on my desk. I love my brother, but he can be a real dickhead at times. When Madeleine and I started dating, he gave me shit for months about me picking up his ‘sloppy seconds.’ Once, he asked me if she ever called out his name in bed. Fucker. After we were married, he warned me that she was just using me to get back at him. I probably should have listened to him. When I announced to my family that she and I were splitting up, he revealed that she had tried to seduce him on more than one occasion. Thankfully, he had no interest in getting involved with her again. My brother may be a total asshole, but he wouldn’t deliberately hurt me.

“So, I think I know how to help you with your little predicament.”

“My predicament?”

“The tabloid leak. I think I know who was behind it. Or at least had something to do with it.”

“It’s been a month, man. Everyone's forgotten about it,” I say, setting my pen down.

“Really? Because your ex-wife called me last week.”

I raise my brows and give him my full attention. This should be good.

“Yeah, she called me crying, telling me how much she misses me. Not like I haven’t heard that over and over the last seven years. I warned you about her, Li. That chick is crazy. I’m pretty sure she was drunk. So anyway, she asks me if I knew about you and your nanny. Told her I had heard some things. Then she gives me some pathetic sob story about how you made her do what she did. ‘I had to do it, Leo. Who knows how long this has been going on?’” I nod and wait for him to continue.

“I ask her to elaborate. She sputters out some lame-ass excuse about how you fucking the nanny behind her back pushed her into the arms of another man. The timing clearly didn’t line up since we all know you filed before you hired Riley, but I didn’t tell her that. I just let her dig her hole. She goes on about how she took matters into her own hands. Now that Riley’s out of the picture, things can go back to normal.” He laughs and finishes off his drink.

“What does Riley have to do with all this?” I ask.

“I asked her the same thing. She said that she knew Riley was no good from the beginning, but that you had convinced her to hire her because of her background. She suspected something was up after the paparazzi incident at the park, but that you had talked her out of doing something rash. That’s when she convinced you to hire Mara to keep tabs on Riley. I guess Mara had been giving her updates. She also rambled on about how Mara always bought Riley those tabloid magazines. That’s when she said she knew Riley had something to do with it. She didn’t come outright and say it, but the signs are all there.”

I struggle to process the info that was just dumped in my lap. Would Madeleine really stoop that low? I know she wasn’t happy about me filing for divorce, but would she be vindictive enough to put our children in harm’s way just to get back at me? Why was the nanny collateral damage? And why would she wait a month to say anything? Guilt, perhaps? None of this makes sense.

“Do you have proof of this, Leo?”

“Dude. Why the fuck would I lie about it? You know damn well she still wants me. Even with her new man in the picture. Seven years she’s tried to get me to take her back. I wish I would have recorded it so you could listen to how desperate she sounded.”

“Not that, you dick. About the leak.”

“Oh yeah, that. No, I don’t have proof. But I have a hunch. And I’m usually 90% right about these things.”

I drop my head in my hands. Yep, the signs are all there. Now, I just have to find a way to prove what I’ve suspected all along. I pull out my phone and shoot a group text to Max, Drake, and Liv, asking them to meet up tonight. If I’m going to nail my ex-wife to the wall, I need my most trusted friends to help me.

***

Drake, Maxwell, Olivia, my brother, and I meet at The Double Tappe after work. The place is empty — not unusual for a Monday — giving us the whole bar to ourselves. We all congregate in one of the booths in the back and Leo repeats what he told me this morning. Drake and Max are completely shocked by the revelation. Olivia, however, sits there stone-faced.

“I knew there was a reason I didn’t like her,” she says.

“You don’t like anyone,” Maxwell retorts, then flinches when Olivia punches him in the arm. He rubs the spot where she made contact and turns to me. “Whatcha gonna do about this, Li?”

“I don’t know. It’s been a month, so it’s going to be hard to prove at this point. I need solid evidence that Madeleine was involved because she’ll never admit to it. The first person I need to talk to is Mara. Hopefully, she can give us some answers.”

“What about a wire-tap? I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy,” Drake shrugs in between sips of whiskey.

“Pretty sure that’s illegal in this state,” Olivia says.

Leo snaps his fingers. “That’s true, but New York is a one-party consent state. So, if one of us gets Madeleine to confess and records it, we technically wouldn’t be breaking the law.”

“Okay, so who could we get to coerce that kind of information out of her?” I ask.

Leo leans back and grins, crossing his arms behind his head. We all look at each other, knowing exactly who will handle this task. If anyone can persuade Madeleine to spill the beans, it’s definitely him.

“How are we going to do this?” Max asks.

“Well, I say loverboy here tries to seduce her. She’ll tell you anything you want to hear if she thinks she can get you back,” Olivia says.

“Well then, it’s settled. Work your magic, Leo,” Drake replies. The five of us clink our glasses in celebration, although it feels premature since we don’t have actual evidence against her yet. We spend the rest of the evening sharing drinks, memories, and laughter. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time. No kids, no work, no responsibilities. I haven’t done anything like this since college. As we gather up our things to leave, Drake pulls me aside.

“Hey man, have you talked to Riley, lately?”

“I’ve been trying to call and text her for weeks, but it’s been radio silence since Madeleine fired her. I even dropped by her apartment a few times, but no one was home. She must think I blame her for all this.”

He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. “She does. We tried to tell her that you don’t, but it’s understandable why she would think that. I guess she and Hana had a falling out as well. Last I heard, Hana moved out, so she’s living there by herself. I don’t know where she's working now. She doesn’t come around much anymore. You should try to talk to her again. Maybe explain your side of the story.”

“Yeah. It’s just… I fucked up, Drake. I don’t blame her for anything. I should have told her that.” I rub the back of my neck. “Truth is, I think I’m in love with her.”

“You need to tell her, man.”

I nod, clapping him on the shoulder, then head for my car. The drive back to my penthouse is long, but it gives me time to think. I think back to what Drake told me. About her and Hana’s falling out. I know they’ve been best friends for a long time. Now, she’s alone. To think that if she never met me, none of this would have happened. It’s hard not to blame myself for all of this.

I think back on how different things are with Riley then they were with Madeleine. When I met Madeleine, I was more in love with the idea of her. I married her to please my father, and although I’ll always care for her as the mother of my children, the love was never really there. When I found out she cheated, I was almost relieved.

The night Riley left, I sat in my study and went over everything that had happened over those few weeks. I feel my chest start to tighten. What is this? Emotion? I had learned to turn them off after Madeleine, but somehow, Riley made them come back. And suddenly, I want to fight for what we have. I never fought for Madeleine, but I feel the urge to for her. She’s the only woman I’ve ever felt that desire for. Making a decision, I take the next U-Turn and make the trip to her apartment.

I arrive outside her building a few minutes later. Her bedroom window faces the street, and when I peer up at it, I notice the light is on. That’s a good sign. It means she’s home. I exit the car and make my way up to her floor. I pause outside her door, unsure of what to say to her. Come on, Li. Quit stalling and tell her how you feel. I knock on her door a few times and wait patiently for her to answer. I hear shuffling on the other side of the door, and when it swings open, the face on the other side is not the one I’m expecting.

“Can I help you?” A young man answers the door, wearing only a pair of low-hanging joggers. He eyes me confusingly.

“Uh…” I stumble, double-checking to see if I have the right apartment. “Is Riley here?”

“Maybe. Who’s asking?”

Must resist the urge not to knock this kid on his ass. “Tell her Liam needs to see her.”

He rolls his eyes and holds a finger up, signaling me to wait, before closing the door in my face. I hear him call out to her on the other side, “Hey, Riley. There’s some suit here to see you. Says his name is Liam.” More shuffling and muffled voices, then the door swings open, and there stands my girl. Her brown locks are piled atop her head in a messy bun. She’s wearing a pair of short shorts, showing off her long legs, and a Steinhardt t-shirt. She stares at me for a few seconds before snapping out of her daze.

“What are you doing here?”

“You haven’t been returning my calls.”

She huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. “There’s a reason for that.”

I sigh, dragging my hand down my face. “Riley, please. Just listen to me.”

“Why should I? You wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to explain myself.”

Her words feel like a slap to my face. She’s absolutely right and I can’t argue otherwise. “I know I messed up, but if you give me a chance to explain myself, I’ll be on my way.”

She turns and looks to the guy in her apartment, then back to me, then again at him. “Give me a sec, Josh,” she says, before stepping out into the hallway and pulling the door closed behind her. “You have two minutes.”

I exhale. “I’m sorry. I want you to know I’m so sorry. For what I did. Or rather, what I didn’t do. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I never meant to hurt you, Riley. I get why you’re hurt. And if I was in your shoes, I’d feel the same way. When I saw the magazine, I didn’t believe you had anything to do with it, but in that moment, all I could think about was my kids.”

She nods. “I know. Drake told me. But you could have said something to Madeleine instead of just letting her berate me. I would never do that to Philip and Charlotte. I love them like they were my own.” She looks down at her feet and her voice trembles. “I can’t believe you didn’t trust me when I’ve never given you a reason not to.” A tear rolls down her cheek. “All I’ve ever done is try to make you and those kids happy. Just because your ex-wife hurt you, doesn’t mean I would. You know that. I waited for you, Liam. I knew your circumstances with the divorce, and I still waited. And at the first sign of trouble, you jumped to conclusions. You didn’t give us a chance.”

I reach out and tip her chin up to look at me. I gently rub her cheek with the pad of my thumb, brushing the tear away. “You’re right. I’m a fucking idiot. I know that now. I owe you so much more than a simple apology. You deserve better than that. I’m hoping it’s not too late to try and fix what I broke. I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust back.”

She fidgets with the hem of her t-shirt. “I don’t know, Liam. I want to believe you. I really do. But I’m still hurt. I wish things had been different with us. I wish we had met under different circumstances. But, you have your children to think about. And I know they are your priority.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “Of course they are. But I want to make you my priority too. Tell me what I can do.”

“Did you figure out who leaked the story?”

I shake my head.

She sighs. “I need time.”

“Not too much time, I hope.” She doesn’t say anything for a long time. The silence between us saying more than our words do. I reach out and grab her hand, squeezing it. “I don’t know what else to say, Riley. Just think about it. I’ll be here, waiting.” I pull her hand up to my lips, placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. Then, I turn and head down the hall. The ache in my chest, deep. Knowing that I hurt her is almost too much to bear. The issue with the story is awful, but not taking her side was worse.

The only thing I can do now is try to make it up to her.

#something domestic #nanny au #trr au #trr fanfic #choices fanfic #riley brooks #liam rhys #leo rhys #nazariolahela fanfic

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