#i was gonna buckle down and work on my resume all day yesterday

[wickedhawtwexler]

ughhhh nobody let me on this website until i make the changes i need to make to my resume and apply to some jobs

[clementinesjourney]

Record Shop Funk - Pt. 1 Like real people do

A.N. : Hey guys, so i had this idea yesterday, and i really hope you'll like it. <3

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

Words: 1,9k

Pairing: camboy!Steve x Reader, roommate!Bucky x reader, Stucky x reader (as the story goes)

Warnings: nothing yet :)

Summary: Who knew that having a secret crush, then a hearbreak will end in such a sweet thing..

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You and Bucky shared an apartment above the recordshop you both worked in. Your aunt was the owner of both, so it was a fairly good payment, and a fairly good apartment for a cheap price. It was a bright and big apartment with two bedrooms, so your decided to rent it out, all while searching for a helper to the shop downstairs. When Bucky came in applying for the job, you asked out of joke if he needs a place to live since you had seen around 5 people already and none of them felt right. His eyes lit up as he said he is in fact looking for a place. Since he was fitting for a job, and looked like a decent guy, you congratulated him on his new job, and asked if he wants to see the place today. You still had one and a half hour to close, but after it you would gladly show him the apartment.

He had nothing better to do, so he agreed to it, feeling happy about having a job he might actually like and a coworker he might actually will get along with.

-Do you drink coffee? I was thinking of getting one in the meantime. My friend works close by, and they make the best coffee in town. - He asked.

-I could go for one thank you - you smiled at him - iced cold-brew, no sugar, i'm sweet enough.. - you said with a smile.

He couldn't help but smile back at the joke. When he arrived at the café, he saw his friend Steve flirting with a girl whom he could visibly see trembling just cause he talked to her. Steve always had his way with girls, ever since the serum of course. After he broke up with Peggy, it was mostly just hookups, never finding a girl worth keeping around. Not as if they werent kind, pretty or good to him, it just never felt right. Bucky smiled at his friend, Steve immediately shifted his gaze from the girl, to a very happy Bucky.

-Did you get the job?

-Better.. I got the job, and she has a room for rent which i'll see tonight.

-Wow Bucky, i didn't know you were even better then i am.. sooo how does she look? - asked Steve with a slight wiggle of his eyebrows. He wanted Bucky to get a girl since ages and hearing this, his mind immediately ventured there.

-5'7, ginger, green eyes, freckles, curvy just the right places. why?

-Nothing Buck.. nothing.. - Steve said smirking at his friend.. Bucky never realized when he liked a girl, so he never really acted on it. He last had a woman back in the 40's.

-Sooo i know you didn't come to have chat with me, one black coffee and.. ?

-ah, iced cold-brew, no sugar..

After paying for the coffee, he hurried back to the shop, hoping to get to know his coworker a little bit better.

You thanked him for the coffee, and when you tried to pay, he refused.

-Next round's mine then. - You smiled at him with your 1000 watt smile, which again he couldn't help but smile back at.

-So tell me about you Bucky, what do you do in your freetime?

-Nothing really, just reading, spending time with my friends, kind of thats it.. I have a boring life really. What about you?

-Well, i work here, then i go home and listen to music, cook, god i love to cook, thats a big pro for the apartment.. just saying. - you said with a playful wink. - besides that nothing much. Sometimes i go to a nearby bar with my friends maybe concerts and thats it.

-I like washing dishes if that helps with the application for the room. - he said with a shy laugh which made your heart skip a beat.

- It sure does.. Do you leave your stuff around?

-No i'm a tidy person.. thank you very much. - he said cockily (just for the sake of being funny really).

-Okay okay, if you like it you can have the room, just promise to tell if you bring up a girl so i can leave. The walls are kind of thin.

-It's okay, i don't really...

-Oh um i'm sorry, i didn't meant to intrude, it just something i would really like everyone to add to their rental contracts. - you chuckled embarassed.

-Noo no, it's okay, i'm not embarassed by it. I guess i don't want hook ups, if one day there's someone i'll tell in advance.

-yea me too, i promise. If you end up renting it anyway haha. on that note it's time to close so i can show the room in a min.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you opened the door to the apartment Buckyquietly took in it all. It was really bright, white walls with paintings all over the walls, plants in every corner or shelf you can put one on, a comfy looking mustard couch, aztec-y rug under the coffeetable, and a wall fully shelved, filled with books and little trinkets, it looked like a home he never had a chance to have. The livingroom had an american kitchen on the side, island in the middle of the kitchen area, it was white, and blue which reminded him of greece, down the hallway you showed him the bathroom which of course had a lot of plants that liked the atmosphere of a bathroom, a shower in the corner and a bathtub under the window. You then showed the empty room he could rent out. It only had a shelf and a wardrobe, and a queen sized bed. No decorations, no signs of anybody ever living there. You then pointed to the room the opposit of what could possibly be Bucky's in the future, saying that is yours. You didn't show your room, he wasn't gonna go in there anyway, and showing your most private space on the first day didn't seem like a good idea either. You then invited him out to the balcony, watching the setting sun, smoking a cigarette.

-So thats about it, what do you think?

-I really like it, and i mean.. my workplace is pretty close so thats a plus, also you said something about cooking all the time.. sooo if it's alright with you i would love to rent it out.

-It's settled then roomie. I'll give you the keys, you can move in whenever you want to. Tomorrow we are closed, so maybe that would be ideal.

-Yea, then tomorrow it is then. I'll ask my friend to help, then we can maybe hang a bit if you're free.

-Sure, i have nothing planned, and it's good to know who i'll be living with. - you said with a smile.

Before closing the door, you said your goodbyes, and you realized what did you just do, after he wished you good night with a killer halfsmile that almost had your knees buckle. You just agreed to living together with possibly the most handsome man you've ever seen who is also your new coworker, so you will basically spend most of your time with him.. Guess we'll see how this goes you thought to yourself.

Morning came soon enough, you were sitting out on the balcony when you saw Bucky arrive with a very tall, just as handsome man, carrying boxes of books, and bags of clothing. Bucky looked up at the balcony, waving towards you, you waved back, then moved to open the front door before going back out to the balcony, resuming your coffee and smoke.

When they finished bringing all Bucky's stuff in, it was already midday, so you decided you'd order pizza for all of you, as in like a welcome present.

-Hey guys, i'm thinking of ordering pizza, what kind would you like?

-Oh (y/n) you don't have to. - said Bucky, earning a smirk from Steve as he looked back and forth between you two.

- Noo i insist, today won't be the day i'll start to slowly kill you with my cooking. - you said giggling a bit.

- Whatever's fine peach. - said Steve with a wink, that you decided was just out of friendlyness. You didn't veen knew his name, and he seemed like a lady's man anyways. Not really your type no matter how handsome and muscular he is.

- Steve, by the way, nice to meet you.

-(Y/n), likewise. - you shook his hand.

When the pizzas arrived you called them to the kitchen, listening to all their shared stories from their early years. They seemed like really close friends, and genuinely good people. You had a really great time. It was nearly 9 pm when Steve left, for saving a dame from dying cause of boredom he said. You and Bucky chuckled, then he let him out, closing the door, locking it for the night.

-I guess i have some packing to do, so.. good night (y/n).

-Good night Bucky, if you need anything just knock. - you said with a smile, and he couldn't help but smile back. He felt at peace. He had Steve, now he had a job, and a room to make a home of, and you as a new addition. You were so kind, so eager to help if he needed anything, he loved how the scent of raspberries and flowers lingered in the apartment mixed with coffee and cigarette smoke. It seemed to have a calming effect on him.

You heard a soft knock half an hour later. WHen you opened the door you saw a smiling Bucky, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

- Hey, um.. sorry. I forgot i didn't bring a blanket, could i borrow one until i get my own?

-Yea sure, i'll get one in a min. - You said, leaving the door open, letting him see a bit of "you" while you were searching for your spare blanket in your wardrobe. The room really was you. White, with mustardy curtains on the window, plants everywhere, books piled up here and there, a really comfy looking bed, pictures of you and your friends on the walls. And damn, your room smelled even more like you. If he wouldn't pay attention your scent would lure him into your room and never let him leave he thought.

-There you go. - you handed him the blanket smiling.

-Thank you very much.

Then he stood there for a moment drinking in the sight of you in front of him. You were wearing an oversized tshirt, that ended just around the middle of your thighs, hair in a messy bun, no makeup. He could swear he thought you were pretty before, but seeing you as you were made him fancy you even more.

With a small smile you told him goodnight again, then closed the door in his face.

You could hear his little laugh on the other side of the door, then his door closing. For the first time in months he didn't wake up in the middle of the night, and he didn't had a nightmare either. He was afraid he would, and then he would wake you up with his screaming, but looks like the blanket which smelled just like you calmed him enough.

After waking up because the rays of sunshine on his face, he smiled to himself guess i'll wait with getting my own blanket then...

[adorethedistance]

All Day Affair - Charlie Gillespie x Reader (18+)

JATP Masterlist - Valentine’s Masterlist

Warnings: 18+ Smut, swearing, light embarrassment (minors DNI)

Words: 2757

Summary: A rough night before leads to a slow morning after, causing you and Charlie to be late to Valentine’s brunch plans. All is forgiven and all is forgotten when he makes it up to you in the best way he can.

A/n: This weekend has not at all gone the way I’d thought/hoped it would and so I apologize for the slow churning of fics lately but I promise I am working on some much requested fics. On a lighter note, here is my contribution to the Valentine’s Day

My eyes groggily flutter open when I hear my phone rapidly buzzing on the bedside table. Charlie’s arm is draped over my exposed midriff, no doubt a position of his own doing. As I go to move his arm off my bare skin, he holds onto me tighter groaning an incoherent string of words. I attempt to grab the maniacally buzzing device with my eyes still closed. I’m incapacitated via Charlie’s hold on my waist, and thus, all I feel under my flattened hand against the cool surface are the discarded condom wrappers from last night.

“Charlie,” I scold, still not fully awake. He knowingly loosens his grip, allowing me to sit up and it isn’t until I’m upright and Charlie’s arm drops into my lap that I realize I’m completely naked under his t-shirt. My phone has not stopped vibrating like crazy much to my dismay. Haphazardly grabbing it off the nightstand, I wait for my eyes to adjust before I read the time.

11:26.

“SHIT. Charlie! Charlie, we’re late!” I try and shake him awake. He whines miserably,

“Mmmmm, what?”

“It’s 11:26, we’re late!”

The messages are from Owen and Savannah, both of whom we were supposed to be meeting for brunch at 11. While Charlie and I wanted Valentine’s Day plans alone, we also wanted to spend time with our friends whom we love dearly. Since the original plan was for the two of us to have the evening all to ourselves, we agreed on having brunch to start the day off well. Look how that turned out for us. I scramble out of bed, and I nearly hit the floor as my legs give out from under me. Luckily, Charlie was right behind me and was able to catch me in time.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just sore.”

“Yessss.” I fake slap his chest before we resume in the chaos, frantically throwing on decent outfits. I toss Charlie one of his band shirts turned muscle tees after hopping into a pair of jeans. Once dressed, I run to the bathroom and pass a brush through my hair in a frenzy before I begin brushing my teeth at lightning speed. Charlie appears beside me to brush his own teeth, and I’m practically sprinting out of the bathroom as he does.

“Don’t forget to fix your hair!” My legs nearly give out once more as I struggle to slip on my favorite pair of sneakers. Once I’m upright again, and stable, I grab both of our wallets and the keys to the house and car and shove them into my bag. Together we bolt out the door and clamber into Charlie’s orange Subaru.

In a nice contrast to all the rushing around we’ve done this morning, Charlie drives at a regular speed; thankfully, we make it to the restaurant in one piece. As soon as he puts the car in park the two of us run to the entrance to see our friends waiting at an outdoor table on the patio. Charlie and I finally made it, albeit a tad out of breath.

“Charlie, Y/n, nice of you to finally join us.”

“11:44 on the dot. Not your latest arrival, but an honorable mention,” Savannah jeers, waving me over to sit beside her.

“What happened this time?”

“Overslept. My usual alarm didn’t go off, I must’ve forgotten to turn it on last night.”

“Classic.” I’m distracted from Owen’s teasing when Savannah’s humorous smile drops. She’s looking at me with an emotion I can’t distinguish.

“You okay?” She simply nods and then pushes her chair back.

“I need to pee and you do too. Come on, Y/n.” And without allowing me to reply, she has me up out of the chair and briskly walking toward the bathroom. It isn’t until we’re outside the single stall that I noticed she grabbed my bag from the back of my chair. Once she’s locked us both in the room, she looks at me with wide eyes and a suppressed smile.

“What’s going on?”

“What’s this?” She answers my question with a question, before using her left index finger to poke the right side of my neck.

“Ow!” My face drops once I realize. Brushing past her, I move to stand in front of the bathroom mirror, inspecting the assemblage of love bites all over my neck area. Savannah merely giggles at the realization before opening my bag.

“You don’t have a sponge, so we’re gonna have to use our fingers.” I turn around to look at her, not through the mirror and find a bottle of full-coverage concealer in her hands.

“How did that get in there?”

“I put it in there last week after you had to spend the whole day adjusting your shirt around your collar bones to hide more of these.” She gives a vague gesture to the marks on my neck and begins applying the makeup.

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“And you are unbelievable. That was literally last week, and you’re already marked up again. Don’t you and Charlie ever just make love? Does it always have to be ‘ravage one another’s body’?”

“I mean, occasionally. I don’t know, sweet and tender isn’t really our thing.”

“Clearly.” Savannah steps back to survey her work, “Okay, you’re covered but be careful because I didn’t pack setting spray.”

“I am forever indebted to you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me. It’s Owen that you should pray doesn’t notice.”

“God, you’re right.”

“If I were solely judging by his hair, I’d have guessed you guys went at it this morning and not last night.”

“Shit, he’s probably marked up, too.”

“Well, I didn’t bring him concealer, and you two are not the same shade soooo… sorry.” I shake my head dismissively as I hold the bathroom door open for her behind me.

“Better him than me.”

“How was it though? You told me you’d text me updates.”

“Yeah, and then I didn’t set an alarm. But no, it was… so good. I’m like, sore.”

“Okay, we’re entering TMI territory so let’s find something to talk about before we’re back within earshot.”

“What are your Valentine’s plans for the rest of the day?”

“I might get frozen yogurt and watch a movie, haven’t really decided. I would ask what you and Charlie are doing, but based on this morning, I think I can guess.”

Just as Savannah and I did, the two boys fall silent once we approach the table; when the four of us are settled, I take a quick glance over the menu, as if I’m unsure of what I want.

“Okay, in the spirit of St. Valentine, let’s talk love. Tell us about your first kiss, Y/n.” Savannah eyes me, already knowing the horrendous story. I deadpan,

“No.”

“Wait, I’m actually curious. I don’t think I know this story.” Charlie leans forward in his seat, placing his forearms on the table in front of him.

“See what you’ve done?” Savannah merely shrugs and takes a smug sip from her water glass. “No, I’m not doing this. Why don’t you tell us about your first kiss, Sav?”

“I asked you first.”

“Fine, be that way. Charlie, tell us about your first kiss.”

“Well, I don’t know I-”

“Come on, what’s ‘love-master’ Charlie’s origin story?” Owen teasingly pats Charlie on the back, and the four of us all fall under a shocked silence at the sound of Charlie hissing in pain. My lips part in surprise but quickly press shut in a moment’s realization.

“You okay?” Don’t do it, Owen.

“Yeah, I’m fine just-”

“Oh my god.” Upon patting Charlie’s back, the fabric of his shirt moved out of the way to reveal a conglomerate of scratches across the surface of his sun-kissed skin. Owen laughs out in disbelief before poking one of the scratches again, causing Charlie to smack his hand away.

“Holy shit, did you get mauled by a bear?” Owen then gasps in a realization that I’d pray he wouldn’t have, and he begins to laugh even harder. “That good, huh Y/n?” My face heats up a million degrees and I cover my face with one hand as a desperate defense mechanism.

“It’s not a big deal, Owen.” Thank god, Savannah’s come to the rescue. “They just got a head start on Valentine’s Day is all.”

“Okay, can we please change the subject?” I plead as I’ve already had enough of their laughter. Charlie gives me a look that is both apologetic and embarrassed and I let out an exaggerated sigh as a response.

The rest of our brunch date is still a good time minus the occasional interjectory joke about my and Charlie’s romantic all-day-affair yesterday. Our foursome disassembles, already planning the next group outing post-Valentine’s intimacy.

“That was absolutely humiliating,” I state, buckling my seatbelt in the passenger's side as Charlie begins pulling out of the parking spot.

“You want me to be gentler next time?” Charlie asks sincerely and extends his right hand over the center console to rub a comforting circle on top of my thigh over the fabric of my jeans. The gesture pulls the warmth in my heart and the butterflies in my stomach a little lower.

“...No,” I admit shyly. The confession elicits a small, cocky chuckle from Charlie. He then gives me an affirming squeeze before tracing the seam along my inner thigh in a way that is too sensual to mistake his intentions.

The entire car ride home, the feeling of Charlie’s fingertips ghosting up my leg makes my heart beat a little faster and ignites a subtle heat where I wish he’d trail his hand up to. I’m sure my desire is apparent to Charlie but he doesn’t say anything about it. When we get back to our home, I stick the key in the lock and open the front door but freeze as I feel Charlie pressing into my entire backside. He leans down to playfully bite part of my earlobe as his hands come to rest on my hips.

“You said you didn’t want me to be gentle?” All of my senses are clouded by dense arousal so all I can do is nod. He airily laughs, a warm breath dusting the surface of my skin and I shudder involuntarily. “Go inside.”

After closing the door behind us, Charlie shoves me up against it, his hand behind my head to prevent me from actually getting hurt. He kisses my lips forcefully but doesn’t linger, and instead trails down the column of my throat. The kisses are rough in between small bites of affection, surely leaving more marks that I’ll have to wake up early to cover tomorrow. Or just not go anywhere. After this, it’s looking like the latter.

“You want me to rough you up a little bit? Huh?”

“Yes.” The love bites Charlie’s leaving behind become harsher on my skin, as he trails further down my neck, across my collarbones. “Charlie, can we…?”

“Can we what? Tell me what you want.”

“Please-“

“Please what? Use your words.”

“Please, fuck me.”

“Your wish is my command.” And with that Charlie pulls me into the bedroom, stealing kisses in between steps. Charlie moves to sit me on the bed but as he grabs me by the hips, I maneuver to switch places and push him down onto the bed. He looks at me with a mix of surprise and excitement, taking the hand that pushed him between his own. I smile delicately when Charlie presses a gentle kiss to my knuckles. That is the last trace of softness.

The two of us begin stripping out of our brunch clothes as fast as we can. It’s as if we’re running out of time. We’re both almost fully naked but before I can get my panties off Charlie’s lips are back on mine. His movements are swift, kiss after kiss is filled with an unrivaled lust that is glorious.

Crawling onto the bed, Charlie stays close behind, never allowing any loss of contact between us. I recover to a sitting position and Charlie wraps his arm under my stomach and presses a line of kisses across my shoulder blades.

“Can I take you like this?” He asks earnestly, running his hands over the vast expanse of my bare skin. I choke out a desperate plea and my breathing softens once I feel the absence of Charlie’s touch on my body. When I turn around I see him searching the room like a madman.

“What are you doing?”

“I can’t find any more condoms. I think we used them all last night.”

“What? We only used three.”

“I don’t know! Maybe I dropped some?”

“Fuck it. Charlie if I’m not getting absolutely rawed in the next ten seconds I will walk out that door.” He doesn’t need any more encouragement than that and is back on the bed. Charlie grabs both sides of my face to bring me in for a long passionate kiss before taking his place behind me. His warm hands fall from my face to my waist, gripping the skin slightly.

Charlie sits back on his heels and moves my body back to hover over his. He runs a sensual path with his fingers down the sides of my body and slips one down through the growing wetness between my legs. Tracing the arousal over my quivering clit. The anticipation of the moment has heightened my sensitivity and as a result, I let out a whine. My whimpering continues when I feel him run the tip of his erection through the wetness. As I open my mouth to nag him for moving so slow, Charlie slams his entire length inside of me at once, causing me to cry out in pleasure. I can tell it feels incredible for him too by the way he’s gripping my hips. If he didn’t leave bruises yesterday, he definitely will today.

It doesn’t take long for him to figure out a tempo that’s comfortable for the both of us and my labored panting fills the room. Charlie lets out a groan followed by a laugh because we could both feel the physical reaction I had to the noise he had let out. Wrapping his right arm across my stomach, Charlie reaches the left up to grab my tits, and roughly bite another hickey on my shoulder. He uses his right arm to pull my body into his own torso, and shifting his hips he makes a few adjustments. Charlie shifts one more time and when he thrusts back into me I cry out so loud surely our neighbors will put in a noise complaint.

“There we go,” he grunts to himself, but our proximity allows me to hear. Repeatedly thrusting into that spot, my eyes flutter closed in pleasure. Charlie resumes leaving harsh, lingering kisses, and love bites down the side of my neck, moaning into them in ecstasy. As I feel my heat begin to pulse, Charlie knows I’m close and tries to grab my attention.

“Hey, hey. Look at me.” I will my eyes open and turn to look. The pleasure of his movements is so overwhelming that in between moans and shallow breaths, I find myself leaning my head back to rest on his bare shoulder. “I want you to look at me as you come undone.”

“Okay.” I swallow hard from how dry my mouth is from panting so hard for so long. Each next thrust is measured and the sound of our labored breathing and pleasured moans fill the electrified air.

“Charlie.”

“I’m close. Where do you want-”

“Just stay inside.”

“You sure?” Before I can give a coherent response my orgasm tears through me like a wildfire. I’m doing my best not to scream and what comes out is a mix between a strangled cry and a deep, guttural groan. Adding to my ecstasy, Charlie reaches down to trace tiny circles over my clit and I feel tears of overstimulation prick the length of my lower lash line. While Charlie fucks me through my high, I feel his movements stutter and the familiar twitch before he relaxes his hold on my body. The two of us collapse back onto the bed in a symphony of gasps and bliss-fueled laughter.

“Happy Valentine's Day,” he says behind a smile.

“I love you. That was the first time I’ve forgone condoms…” I state to the ceiling in a moment’s realization, “How do I get this out of me?”

***

A/n: I really am so sorry about the slow churn of writing. I’ve gotten busy with classes and though I knew this was coming I’m still upset that I can’t spend more time writing. On top of that being in a block has been really rough but it’ll pass with time I hope :)

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[hot-wiings]

The One Where Armin Arlert And [Y/N] Yeager Never Get To Say The Words They Really Wanted To Say. 

Death Trigger Warning. 

Edited: 1-25-2021

Armin took a minute to compose himself before he entered the infirmary. He rubbed his sweaty, clammy hands up and down on his pants, wiping the residue liquid off as he took a minute to calm himself and figure out how to compose his words to the person he was looking for. He pushed the doors open and walked in towards the people he was looking for: The Yeager siblings, [Y/N], and Eren.

"How's the arm holding up?"

"It's fine. You know me, I regenerate like crazy, it'll practically be good as new by tonight."

Armin decides to address Eren first, far too nervous to address you and his thoughts. Your arms were crossed as you sat on the edge of an infirmary bed, your eyes never leaving Captain Hanji as she looks over your leg to see if anything was broken. Eren would have crossed his own arms, but he had one in a sling, his eyes, however, were glaring at the back of your head, burning an imaginary hole.

"Doesn't even matter, Captain Levi is making me sit out tomorrow's expedition."

"Rightly so!"

You bark your words out at your brother, upset that he was upset at his punishment. His punishment for starting a fight that is. Your dumb brother overheard you telling private information to the other girls in your squad, private information about your love life. Ultimately it resulted in an argument, which led to a physical fight, where you broke his arm and it felt like he twisted your ankle.

"You're sitting out the expedition because you injured yourself in a fight that you started. Not my fault Captain Levi saw me beat your ass."

"All right [Y/N], it looks like your ankle is all good. You might've just pulled a muscle, I would stay off it for the rest of the day, but you should be good to go on the expedition tomorrow."

Hanji stood up from her crouched position to go check on Erens arm again. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't happy that you had broken Eren's arm. It was completely thrilling to observe how fast the boy's injuries could heal, completely exhilarating to have the chance to do further research on him.

"And stay out of fights when Levi is around!"

"Wouldn't have been a fight if [Y/N] knew how to control herself."

"Says the boy who threw the first hit."

You jumped up from the edge of the bed and pulled your sock and boot back onto your foot before you took off out of the infirmary to go to your bedroom and rest as Captain Hanji said to. Armin followed you out into the hall, hesitant to say what he wanted to. The thought had been floating around his head ever since after he saw you and Eren fight, ever since Captain Levi had sent you both to the infirmary followed by a few choice words. He had been too far to hear what was said, but it soon spread among the squads that Eren was being forced to sit out tomorrow's expedition.

"Maybe you should sit out tomorrow's expedition too."

You stopped in your tracks as soon as Armin's words hit your ears. You quickly turned around to face Armin with furrowed brows. Your lips tipped down into a frown. Hurt and upset at what he was proposing. Was he really on Eren's side of the argument? He didn't even know what the argument was really about.

"Why should I sit it out?"

"You pulled a muscle in your ankle, your weak and-"

"Wow, thanks for that."

Armin backtracked his words. He was nervous, that wasn't what he meant to say. Not even in the slightest. You're growing upset expression and aggravation only caused Armin's nervousness to grow more.

"That's not what I meant. I just, I don't want to lose any more comrades, I don't want to lose you. Petra died in the last expedition, so many people died in the last expedition. Eren would be so upset if you died, just sit out."

"I can't believe you. Do you hear how selfish that sounds? I don't care if I'm weak, we signed up for this knowing what it entitled. Captain Hanji said my ankle will be perfectly good by tomorrow morning, not that I'll need to be on my legs much anyway."

"[Y/N], I didn't mean it like you're weak. I just think you work better when you have Eren with you. I just think you should stay with Eren, makeup from your fight, let your ankle rest more."

You ran your fingers through your hair as you looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep your gathering tears in. Whether he meant you were weak in general, or if he was referring to your ankle didn't matter. Nothing hurt more than having the guy you like tell you how weak you are. Nothing hurt more than having the guy you like tell you that you should sit out on the sidelines while other people risk their life.

There was nothing more insulting or embarrassing. 

"You and Eren can screw yourselves. It’s a pulled muscle, not a sprained bone, I'm going on the expedition. Captain Hanji thinks I'm well enough, and Captain Levi wants me in his squad. He trusts me, he thinks I'm strong enough, so I'm going. End of story."

You turned around and made your way to your room, you would've run off but you wanted to let your ankle rest like Captain Hanji had said to. The tears make their way down your cheeks once the door is closed. Why did he think you were so weak? You had progressed and grew so much. You knew you were weak, so you worked harder. You knew you were weak so you sought out advice and help from Captain Levi.

You were a far better soldier than you were at the last expedition. You would show him. You would show him how good and strong you were.

It wasn't long before the morning of the expedition arrived. With a heavy heart you had rolled out of bed and pulled your gear onto your body. You fastened each strap and buckle, your mind racing equally fast as the leather material. Expeditions were dangerous, you knew this, you knew the risks. You knew the risks and the horrors, the fear, and realities of the statics of you not making it back. Yet, you also knew it was your duty to go on the expedition.

You quickly brushed your fingers through your hair as best as you could before pulling it up into a hair tie making a bun as best and neat as you could. Captain Levi hated when people didn't look presentable, or rather he equated presentable with clean. You briskly walked down to the cafeteria and grabbed a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. It wasn't exactly your favorite, but it was what there was available. You sat down at your usual table with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. Eren didn't look happy in the slightest, still bitter over getting benched. Armin looked, guilty, sad almost, whereas Mikasa had no clue what exactly had happened between you all, but undoubtedly, she was on Eren’s side. 

You knew Armin hadn't meant to exactly call you weak. The fact was, you and him were some of the weakest soldiers inside of the Survey Corps. But you had gotten stronger, so much stronger and better. It hurt and deeply bothered you that Armin didn't seem to take notice of that. You wanted him to see you as someone strong and worthy.

You didn't dare look Armin in the eyes, and he didn't dare look at you. Instead, you kept your eyes casted down on your bowl, eating every last drop of sludge while you ignored Armin and your brother. It wasn't tasteful, but it did provide energy that would be needed for the expedition. As soon as you were done taking in your breakfast, you stood up and wrapped your green jacket around your body.

"Good luck. Kill a titan for me."

You bring your head up to where Eren and Armin were. His eyes were upset, but if he was he didn't voice it. It didn't matter, he thought you were weak. He thinks you’re weak and pathetic. You don't address him, instead you respond to your brother. Your brother, who despite being angry at you for getting him benched, was not going to allow himself to let you go beyond the walls thinking he was angry at you. He wouldn't let you go beyond the walls, risking your life, without partially fixing things. You could resume your hatefest as soon as you come back for all he cared, but for the time being, he wanted you focused on the mission.

"I will. Gotta make up for you’re stupid ass getting benched."

"Whatever. I love you, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I love you too. Quit acting like I'm leaving, I'm gonna come back, that's a promise."

"I know. Just keep Armin safe for me."

You turned on your heel and stalked off towards the stable, where most of the soldiers were already gathering to get their own horses prepped and ready to leave. Eren didn't see it, but you had a small smile on your face. Just the knowledge that he wasn't that mad at you, was like having a heavyweight lifted off your shoulders. You hated going into expeditions when your brother was upset with you, while you planned to keep your promise to Eren, there was still that chance of dying and charging into the unknown. With him being mad at you, was like dying with regrets.

You grabbed your saddle and made your way into your horses stable. You saddled her and placed the reins on her face before you adjusted each buckle and hook correctly, then you pulled her outside and placed one foot on the bootstrap before pulling yourself up and swinging your other leg over. You guilded your horse out towards the rest of your squad, but not before you passed Armin.

"Hey."

"What?"

An indecipherable expression crossed Armin’s face. He wanted to tell you that he was sorry for arguing with you yesterday, he wanted to say it wasn't out of thinking you were weak, but out of his feelings. His deep, rooted feelings for you. He didn't think he was strong enough, that was the problem. He wasn't strong enough to protect you, and not having Eren there to back you up either bothered him. That was the real reason he wanted to stay back, and that was what he wanted to tell you, yet the words got stuck in his throat.

"Stay safe, okay?"

"Yeah. You too."

You click at your horse to get her going over to Levi's squad who then guides you outside of the walls. The first hour of riding went well. No distractions, and a lack of titans. It was too good to be true. You should have known there would be complications later on in the mission, a lack of titans meant you would later on come across a hoard. Unfortunately, among that hoard was an abnormal. 

You saw it running directly at Armin. The strings in your heart pulled strongly against your chest. He had this, he had this didn't he? You had gotten stronger, you wanted him to see that, but that meant you had to treat him like he had gotten stronger too. It only takes one quick look in his direction too see there were too many titans, his squad was wrapped up, and it looked like some of them were missing, they needed help.

You quickly pulled on your reigns, changing course and charging after the abnormal. Once you reached Armin you pulled out your ODM gear to attach yourself to a tree and slice the abnormal titan’s neck open. It didn't stop there, not when there were so many, you sliced and diced, getting to as my napes as you could. You stopped for just a second, catching your breath on a tree branch. You thought they were all down and taken care of, you did it, you took down so many. You turned over to Armin and threw him a smile. 'See, I'm strong, now'.

Your smile dropped as you saw a titan approach from behind him. Quickly, you sprung into action by using your ODM gear, and Eren’s words rung in your head. Protect him, protect Armin. You just were not quick enough. This was a lifestyle you chose. You knew the risks, you knew the dangers, you knew the statistics of not coming back. You were not quick enough, all you could do was knock Armin out of the way, taking his place instead. The titan smacked you harshly against a tree making your body fling back as Captain Levi sliced its nape open meticulously.

Your body began to slide down the tree, but you knew you wouldn't be making it home. Something snapped, you heard it. Something broke, and it aches all over. You put your hand on your stomach to see a sword sticking out. Your own damn sword. It must’ve gotten knocked around when you flung in the air. Armin quickly flew over to you and placed his hands on your stomach, the blood seeped through to his fingertips, no matter how hard he applied pressure.

"It's gonna be okay, you've gotta make it back. You promised Eren. You promised him."

"Armin... It's- ok- Okay. "

You struggled to get your words out through the pain. Your body felt so cold, so numb. You wanted to tell him how you felt, the insurmountable feelings you'd kept in and desperately hidden for so long. You couldn't find yourself to say the words, you just wanted to shut down. Shut down and close your eyes, shut down and rest. You slowly moved your bloody hands up to his face, and cupped his cheeks. He hand moved his right hand up and kept your hand there as tears slid down his cheeks.

"Don't close your eyes, please don't close your eyes!"

"T-Take care of, him. Mm-kay?"

Your uttered out your very last words. You barely managed to get them out, but you desperately needed to say them. You needed to go knowing Eren was safe, you needed to go knowing he would be taken care of. You needed to go with a mind of peace. That would be enough so long as he kept Eren safe. You needed your death not to be in vain. Your body didn't give him time to reply, it didn't give him time to say yes, I'll take care of him.

"No don't. Please... Please don't. Please stop! Please!"

Your eyes fluttered close, and the hand he held against his cheek went limp and grew ever so cold against him. You were gone, you were dead. Armin pulled you, and your still blood pooling body against his. He wrapped his arms around you and let his sobs dissipate into your now cold neck. You were gone, he had to get back to moving. You were gone, he needed to toss your body with the other dead bodies, should Captain Levi say they had the room to carry you back home. You were gone, and it was his fault. You were gone, he would have to live with this forever.

Eren stood by the entrance to the stables. He had just finished cleaning out all the stalls and refilling all the troughs with food and water, before Captain Levi left he told Eren to use this opportunity to clean out the empty stalls. He suspected that they would be returning soon, it had been a long time since you left. Eren would be lying if he said he didn't worry about you being outside the walls without him. He feared that one day you would face the same fate as your mother. He felt more at ease knowing Mikasa and Armin were out there with you. They'd help you, and you'd help them. You'd keep each other safe, and you all would return to him.

The sound of hooves could be heard as horses rode into the Survey Corps, headed straight to the stables where the hungry and thirsty horses could finally take a rest. Eren spotted Armin and gave him a wave before he kept on searching for you with his eyes. Armin slid off of his horse, not giving care as it walked off in search of water. All he cared about at that moment was talking to Eren.

He had to tell him, he felt like it needed to come from him. You were gone, you were dead. You died in his arms, and he wasn't quick enough to save you. He had to tell Eren what happened, but how do you even begin that conversation. How do you tell your best friend that his little sister is dead? That the last of his family is now gone?

"Why are you covered in blood? What happened?"

Eren's words fell on nearly deaf ears. He didn't hear him, not really, just the moving of his lips. He was still drowning in the shock. Your blood was on his clothes, your blood was dried against his skin. He hadn't been able to even bring your body home, and he wasn't even sure what had happened to your horse.

"Where's [Y/N]?"

"She- Eren... She's gone."

"No. You're... You're wrong. [Y/N] wouldn't- She promised me."

Eren clenched his fists at his side. There was no way you were gone, you couldn't be. You were all the family he had left. You promised him that you'd come back. There were still things he needed to do with you. You were supposed to help him rid the world of titans, you were supposed to get married and have him walk you down the aisle, he needed to watch you grow old with him in a titanless world. He was your big brother, he was supposed to protect you.

"Eren, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. She was a hero, she saved me. She died a hero."

"You bastard!"

With one quick motion, Eren pushed his clenched fist across Armin's face. He pulled it back and hit him again until he was on the ground. He hits him again and again, in a rageful frenzy. Armin just laid back and let Eren have his way with him. Every cut and bruise, he deserved. He deserves this. He should've saved you. He should've protected you for Eren. He should've been better.

"She loved you! She loved you, you bastard."

Tears streamed down Erens cheeks as Mikasa and Jean pulled him off of Armin. Armin let his tears trickle down his face and mix in with his own open wounds. The tears stung but it didn't match the ache in his heart. You felt the same way about him. You felt the same way about him the entire time, and now he would never get to tell you he returned those feelings.

[junggoku]

Lemon Curls and Latte Art - Ethan Ramsey x f!MC

book: Open Heart

pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Nina Valentine)

word count: 6,679

summary: Ethan’s been having a tough time with a case and desperately needs some coffee and time away from the hospital. His small impromptu trip to his favorite coffeeshop may just become more than he expected. (Alternatively: local doctor man goes to get coffee. Gets roasted for 5 minutes straight by cute barista.) A coffeeshop au

A/N: Soooo first and foremost, I’m super excited about this. I’ve been surprised at the lack of coffeeshop au’s in this fandom so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I’d like to give all my love to the wonderful @namkook​ for keeping me sane through this whole project and for helping me every step of the way. I love you and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you for putting up with my constantly annoying you with this. I typically don’t like my writing, I’m so proud of this one and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did when working on it. Without further ado, buckle in and enjoy! She’s a long one wheew

Sometimes it was easier to just drown it all out. The rustling of the nurses as they moved about. The moans and groans of patients as they anxiously waited for their diagnoses. The shrill voices of interns trying to suck up to him to better polish up on their resumes, instead of focusing on their damn jobs.

On that particularly busy afternoon, Dr. Ethan Ramsey felt it was especially crucial that he drown out all the background noises and forget about his surroundings for a moment, if he was going to hang onto his sanity.

He had been pouring over a patient file all morning, having reached an impasse. When something like this happened, it was best for him to go out and clear his head. Sighing heavily, Ethan pushes out of his leather chair, leaving the mountains of scans and paperwork behind him as he closes the door to his office with a resounding thud.  

-----------------

Day 1

The chime of the bell above the door signaled his arrival into Derry Roasters, a soft click of the hinges punctuating through the air as his eyes adjusted to the gentle lighting in the quaint coffee shop.  

The scene was completely opposite the hospital, with almost all of the tables here being empty save for an elderly man in the corner with his book. It seemed the cafe was experiencing a quiet afternoon, soft music playing from the small speakers lodged in the ceilings.

Whenever Ethan was stuck with a case he couldn’t quite figure out, he found himself wandering to the coffeehouse, a humble mom and pop establishment that made decent coffee. It was a step up from the caffeinated dishwater the hospital cafeteria served and he didn’t hate it at the very least. It was also close enough to the hospital that he could get to it by foot, but far enough that none of the gaggle of bright-eyed parrots interns would follow him to kiss his ass.

Crossing the distance of the room up to the front, Ethan stops right before the register. Having seen not one soul behind the counter, his hand found its way to the small silver bell waiting by the tips bucket, ringing it albeit impatiently. There was normally always someone waiting up at the front, the usual barista－a short and kindly old lady, her slightly stout face adding to the welcoming atmosphere－felt it necessary to be present at all times to best serve customers so they did not have to wait long. So much for that. Their service is going to shit.

A bright ding reverberates throughout the shop, ricocheting off the walls. With a purse of his lips, he waits for a few minutes for someone to respond to the bell, the dimple in between his eyebrows growing more prominent the longer time stretches.

About to forgo the coffee and just head back, his ears pick up a foreign sound coming from somewhere. Is that...singing?

Singing was perhaps too generous a term. There was a faint humming emanating from behind the door that led to the back, and his ears tickled as it continued for a few more seconds, before the door swung open and a figure stepped out.

Ethan’s train of thought stutters for a brief second as ice blue eyes meet a warm chocolate brown, wide and doe-like staring up at him in surprise.

She’s new.

Silence envelops the room and Ethan finds himself studying the woman in front of him as he does with everyone, an occupational habit he’s honed over the years.

Long, dark brown hair cascades over her shoulder like a wave, a pair of chocolate brown eyes to match the curtains as they peer up at him, a hint of curiosity in them. The new barista is donning a polo the color of mustard paired with the black apron of the coffeeshop. His eyes glance over the silver name tag that brandishes the name “Nina”. Next to the tag, a small frog pin sits crookedly, the silver lining a bit dim from what he expects comes from overwear.

In his musings, he doesn’t notice the barista, Nina, pursing her lips, “Are you going to order something or are you just gonna stare at me all day?”

Shaken out of his thoughts, he raises a brow at the bland tone of her voice, before deciding to ignore it, “The Vienna.”

Slipping his card from his wallet, he sets it down on the counter as she rings up his order, sliding the piece of plastic back to him once she’s finished.

Wordlessly, he starts moving over to a table nearby when she pipes up, “What? No ‘thank you’?”

He spins around, a brow quirked as he meets her eyes. The slight curl of her lips tells him she’s mocking him and his lack of a response.

“Thank you.” He speaks, voice flat and face unimpressed. Her lips twitch.

“Gee, you’re a real charmer, aren’t you. I do need to know if you want this here or to go,” Eyes lit with mirth, Ethan itches to end this interaction and head back to the hospital. So much for that break.

“To go.”

The smirk doesn’t leave her face as she turns around and gets to work, and Ethan is eternally grateful for the conversation being over.

A few minutes pass by before he hears his name being called. Striding to the pick up station where the barista placed his order of Vienna in a styrofoam cup, her cheeks lifted into a winning smile, one she must use on all her customers.

Ethan picks it up promptly, the desire to get back to work coursing through him strongly the minute he glimpses at her face (his mistake) and finds that she’s still staring at him with a strange amusement lighting her eyes.

“Hope it's to your liking, Dr. Ramsey.”

“How do you know my name?”

Nina raises her brow, and throws a look at the elegant Dr. Ethan Ramsey, etched into the fabric of his white doctor coat, “I’m assuming that’s your name since it says so on your coat. If you were trying to go incognito, maybe lose the coat next time.”

With a wink, the barista spins around and disappears behind the door to the back, not giving him time to answer to her quip. Something pricks at the back of his mind as he watches her go. Casting a quick glance down at his coffee cup, the letters Ethonk are scrawled on the curved surface, and he couldn’t tell if he wanted to laugh or groan. More the latter probably.

Sighing for what was possibly the millionth time today, Ethan tightens his grip on the cup and makes his way out, feeling more annoyed than when he had come. I’m not coming back here.

--------------

Day 2

Why am I here?

He sincerely had no idea why he found himself lingering at the front of Derry Roasters a few weeks later, shoes avoiding the crunch of leaves under his feet as a delicate autumn breeze curls through his hair and rustles the pages of the book he had nestled in his arm.

Ethan had initially planned to not come here again for a long while, having no desire to run into that impudent barista from last time, Nina, her name was.  

Annoying.

Shaking away the thought, he pushed the front door open and strode into the cafe, the click of the latch bolt falling back into its frame announcing his arrival once more. The shop was fairly empty again at this time, being so long after the busy lunch rush hour.  

As usual, Ethan made his way up to the register, but his steps faltered for a half second when he noticed a new addition to the counter by the pick up area: a small potted cactus, its thorny arms appearing almost golden bathed in the gentle autumn light streaming in through the windows.  

A little curious, he continues walking and taps the bell once when he makes it to the front.

Unlike before, the door leading to the back whipped open almost immediately after the ding, and out came the petite barista, long brown hair tied into a loose ponytail today. Small specks of what looks like cream powder dotting her cheek and on the sleeves of her peach-colored blouse, the brunette saunters over and plants herself directly across him.  

Chocolate doe eyes instantly find his blue ones and Nina flashes him an amiable smile. Or it would be amiable if it weren’t for the twinkle of mischief he catches in her gaze. He bites back a mental groan.

Ethan opens his mouth, prepared to just tell her his order quickly so he could leave, when she beats him to it.

“Did you see Henry?” Her voice is a little hushed, conspiratorial. Bemused, his eyebrows furrow in place of a question.

“...Henry?”

The barista nods her head in the direction of the pick up station, eyes darting to the potted plant he saw earlier and back to him, “Henry!”  

He’s not sure how to respond. Nina waits for a few beats before crossing her arms across her chest, ogling him for a reaction, “We just got it yesterday. I thought it’d be nice to spruce up the place,” She leans forward, her apron brushing against the register.

“You don’t feel a connection with it?” She pursed her lips, brown eyes twinkling with mirth. The furrow in his brows deepens, not quite enjoying the way she was eyeing him.    

“Why would I feel any connection to a cactus?”

“Well, you are one emotionally,”

Ethan lets out a short scoff, his expression wholly unimpressed, “We’ve had a grand total of two interactions.”

“And the two were all I needed to know everything,” Nina tosses him a tiny smirk, seemingly relishing in getting under his skin, a frown beginning to mar his features. How tedious.

Sighing deeply and already feeling exhausted, Ethan ignores the quip and barrels forth, “The Vienna.” He tosses his card on the surface of the counter, almost impatient as she gingerly grabs it and rings him up, saying nothing more all the while.

Not giving her an opening, Ethan snatches his card out of her grasp the minute she’s done, and turns around to find an empty table far away from the register.

“I’ll bring it over to you when it’s done,” He hears behind him as he continues moving.

Settling into a table in the back corner of the coffeeshop, Ethan sinks into the leather chair and opens his history book, determined to ignore and forget his interactions with the barista so he can take a break. Why he came back here when he already predicted this happening was beyond him. He won’t repeat the mistake again.

A few minutes later, Ethan feels a presence in front of him and peeks from his book to find Nina placing his cup of Vienna on the table. Turning his attention back to his pages, he reads another line from Robert Service before glancing back up.

She was still standing there. Hands clasped together in front of her chest, Nina was peering down at him, blinking innocently.

“...Is there something wrong?”

“No,” She answers, giving a slight shake of her head in emphasis. She still didn’t move.

“...”

“...”

“...Did you want something?”

Her expression shifts promptly, fixing a saccharine smile his way and a sense of dread creeps up his spine.

“Well you see,” Nina sweeps an arm around the expanse of the room, where only one other patron beside him was sitting in the opposite corner, tapping away on their laptop, “no one’s really here.”

He feels a budding headache pricking, “And what does that have to do with me?” He asks, tone flat.

Her large smile widens a little more, “I’m bored and you’re the most entertaining thing here.”

There’s a brief moment where the two of them did nothing, a staredown ensuing with the only sound coming from the ceiling speakers and the tap, tap, tap of the laptop.

Pressure behind his eyes growing, he brings up a hand to scratch at his stubble. Yes, he really regrets coming here today.

“Well what do you want to do then?” The defeat in his voice is evident as Nina starts shuffling over to the chair opposite him, appearing so pleased with herself Ethan could only breathe out another sigh.

“If it’s cool with you-”

“It’s not,”

“-I’m just gonna hang out here with you,” She plops into the leather recliner and beams at him, eyes scrunching into two crescent moons. Huh. “Besides, I’m doing you a favor really.”

His annoyance fading just a smidge, he eyes her, distrustful. Closing his book with a small thud, Ethan leans back, sinking further into the plush material.

“How on earth is you neglecting your work and bothering me when I’m trying to read you doing me a favor?”

Nina flicks her chin at the cover of his book. The glossy surface catches the warm rays of sunshine drifting in through the windows, the text Comrades!: A History of World Communism almost swallowed whole by the natural light.

“I am doing you a favor,” The steam from the coffee mug wafts up and swirls in the air between them, “I’m sure you’re already busy being a doctor full-time, I’m giving you a chance to take a break from your communist endeavors so you can actually enjoy your down time.”

Seeing no point in disagreeing when she looked determined to stay there, Ethan takes a sip of his Vienna, the liquid still warm and settles pleasantly on his tongue. Over the top of the cup, he catches Nina leaning forward slightly as though waiting for his reaction.

Putting the mug back down, he turns his head to the window, content on ignoring her still and watching the people strolling up and down the street outside.

Her quiet voice breaks him out of his reverie, “What’s it like? Being a doctor?”

At the question, Ethan turns his gaze on the barista, finding her peering at him with a mix of curiosity and...admiration?

He shrugs, “It’s alright.”

“...That’s it?” Her head tilts to the side, eyes widening as she silently urges him to elaborate. He’s not sure why he’s humoring her, but he relents and continues.

“It’s...it gives me opportunities to figure out the mysteries of the human body. To find ways to conquer and defeat the things that defeat us,” He keeps his gaze on her, watching as the brunette follows his every word like he’s telling her some universal truth.

Nina nods, seemingly soaking in his explanation and satisfied with it, “That sounds really cool. You’re like a hero,” She laughs a little, a tenderness in it that confuses Ethan, but he doesn’t say anymore on it. Hardly.

A beat of silence falls over them again. There’s no awkwardness in it though and Ethan’s content to let it stretch on.

“I wanted to be a doctor when I was younger.”

The spell is broken and Ethan’s attention is now directed solely at her, the barista tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. When he doesn’t speak, she continues, “Always wanted to help people. It just seemed like the perfect job for me to defend those who were fighting for their lives. For their second chances.”

The small frog pin on her apron gleams as she fidgets, light from outside hitting its metallic surface.

“Why didn’t you?” He finally asks, albeit hesitantly, “Become a doctor.”

A wistful look crosses her face and she smiles, “My brother’s health deteriorated and he  collapsed as I was graduating from high school. Things just never worked out,” Nina pauses and considers the room, Ethan noticing for the first time that the other customer had left, no more tap tap-ing sound to be heard.

“But it’s whatever. I like working here. And at least I get to keep my sleep schedule,” She jokes, eyes landing on him again.

Ethan doesn’t speak for a long moment, holding her gaze. At the lack of reaction, Nina begins to squirm, appearing nervous, but doesn’t prod him.

Finally, he finds his voice, uncharacteristically timid, “This place is lucky to have you.”

A blink and a beat later, and a glowing grin stretches across Nina’s face. She chuckles, a soft pink flush dusting her cheek.

Waiting another beat, Ethan clears his throat and begins to move, grabbing his book and nudging the now-drained cup of Vienna away, “I should head back. I have work. At the hospital.” He holds back a grimace. Moron.

Nina tilts her head, the action releasing a couple of strands to fall from her ponytail, “I would hope so, since you’re wearing your white coat,” She snorts when she sees the unimpressed expression on his face, “Go save lives, Dr. Ramsey.”

With that, the barista turns and heads back to work, humming softly as she goes.        

A feeling he can’t place courses through him, sending a slight shiver up his spine as he steps out into the street. Just a chill. With that, Ethan makes the familiar walk back to Edenbrook, the gentle breeze returning and dances through the soft locks of his hair the whole way.

---------------------

Day 3

“Quit stalling already and drink!”

Grumbling, he lifts the cup to his lips, taking a cautious sip.  

The silence settles throughout the room, and Nina leans forward just a little bit, in an attempt to gauge his reaction. He tries to keep his expression blank.

“...Well?”

“...”

Ethan lets the silence linger for another moment before bringing the cup back to his lips. Slowly, a smile begins to bloom across Nina’s face, bright and smug, “Heh. So what’s the verdict, Doctor?”

He refuses to give her the satisfaction of a reply, instead determined to keep his eyes trained on the inside of his coffee cup. His ears pick up a tinkle of a laugh.

“I told you you’d like it,” The barista giggles, her eyes forming crescent moons, as she attempts to stifle the full force of her laughter. Placing a hand on her hips, Nina gazes at him, her self-satisfied grin making a home on the corner of her lips. Ethan decides, right then and there, that he hates it endlessly.  

He especially hates how that cheeky ass smirk makes her eyes sparkle more.

Releasing a bone-weary sigh, Ethan sets the mug down on the table and leans back in the chair, training ice blue eyes on the brunette across from him, “I tried it. Are you going to tell me what it was now?”

Still beaming, Nina sinks down into the soft leather chair opposite him, hand coming up to tuck a stray lock of dark hair behind her ears. Crossing her legs, she glances down at the drained coffee cup, “Espresso Romano. As you can probably guess, it’s a shot of espresso with a slice of lemon served on the side and rubbed on the rim.”

A soft calming song plays in the background, the notes resonating through the air and floats around them, framing the little pocket of the world they were occupying. Nina looks back up at Ethan, holding his gaze as she continues, “The lemon’s zestiness brightens the drink and cuts off the bitterness. Which, no offense, but that looks like something you could use some help with.”

Biting back a retort on the tip of his tongue, he picks up the discarded lemon curl, long fingers absentmindedly playing with the garnish. The silence settles once more between them as he takes in what she said.

In a voice so quiet he’s hoping she doesn’t pick up on it, the words leave his lips: “It’s decent.”

The crescent moon smile she gifts him with tells him that she heard it loud and clear. He doesn’t say anymore, but he doesn’t need to. She hears the rest of what he left unspoken.

“Such a way with words. You really should’ve been a poet instead of a doctor,” Amusement never leaving her eyes, she leans over to pick up his mug and plucks the lemon peel out of his hands, dark brown hair falling over her shoulder at the movement. Soft afternoon sunlight streams in, bouncing off the tan of her skin and for a brief moment, she looks like she’s glowing. Ethan frowns, averting his attention to the space behind her instead.

Humming quietly, Nina stands up and turns, the soles of her white Converse squeaking in protest. Tossing him one more knowing smirk, she begins her trip back to the register, the arm of his empty cup resting on the crook of her finger. A minute later, she disappears through the door into the back area, the gentle music from the ceiling filling up the room in her stead.  

Ethan releases a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and glances back out the windows overlooking the street, the faint taste of lemon still sitting on his lips.  

---------------------

Day 4

The coffeeshop feels a bit different in the mornings, fresh dew and the gentle rise of the sun blanketing the room, wrapping it in a peculiar warmth. The lack of customers at this time adds to the ambiance, though Ethan doesn’t pay much mind to any of that at the moment. Instead, his attention is aimed at the disheveled barista in front of him and the mayhem surrounding her.  

The next time Ethan walked through the doors of Derry Roasters a week later, he was met with what he could only describe as chaos. A collection of discarded coffee cups littered the counter and drops of milk and cream dotted the floor all around Nina. The brunette ran a hand through her long hair frustratedly, apron stained with liquids.

A quick explanation told him that she had been attempting to perfect the craft of latte art, though Ethan would argue that you can’t perfect something you didn’t even have the basics for. Recognizing that her skills were abhorrent and wanting to please customers, Nina had made it a habit to arrive at the cafe very early in the mornings, where she could practice in solitude. And that was what he had walked in on when he dropped by, having thought to get coffee before his shift later that day.  

He watches her struggle with the milk for another minute, bumbling around like a newborn, before peeling off his white coat, a strand of hair falling just over his eyes at the motion. Nina turns at the rustle beside her and is greeted with Ethan’s tall figure peering down at her handiwork.

Startled, she takes a half step back, eyes wide in surprise, “What...are you doing?”

In place of a response, he rolls up the sleeves of his button down shirt and helps himself to one of the aprons hanging on the coat rack by the back area.

“Watching you spill milk on yourself like an infant is getting painful. I used to work as a barista through undergrad so I remember some things...” He pauses, gazing inside one particular mug that was housing what resembled more creamy vomit than coffee, “...though I’m skeptical if it could even help you at this point.”

The flat tone of his voice must have irritated her, as she shoots him a mild glare, a cool determination flashing in her eyes, “That sounds like a challenge, Doctor.”

“It definitely will be.”  

A couple hours later, the work area resembles a battlefield, thermometer and portafilters thrown haphazardly all over the counter, milk and coffee powder strewn across its surface in reckless abandon.

Ethan shakes his head, arms crossed over his chest and focused intensely on the mess she’s making, “You’re not doing it right.”

Nina groans, the sound tickling his ear. Her grip on the pitcher slackens which promptly spills more of its milky contents all over the counter.  

“I’m doing it exactly as you said. You just suck at teaching,” She mumbles, tsk-ing a little at the new addition blooming on her apron. Taking in the growing clutter decorating the counter, Nina lets out a sigh before turning to Ethan, “This feels hopeless.”

“Giving up already, rookie?” He quirks up an eyebrow, a corner of his lips twitching.

She stops and blinks at the nickname, but doesn’t comment on it further, “No!...Just. Ugggh,” With a loud whine that sounds awfully like a puppy’s, Nina sets the pitcher down, knocking it into the thermometer that was sitting nearby. Placing a hand on the surface of the counter, Nina leans into it, sagging with disappointment. The chagrin expression on her face so directly contrasted her usual bright grin that it makes his chest throb strangely.

Clearing his throat, Ethan glances back down at the mugs, highlighting all her failed attempts. Despite the mess, he could still see her progress, the more recent works showing slight improvements.

With a flick of his fingers, he starts selecting some of the cups out of the batch, “These aren’t too bad. The shape is starting to take place.”

Not looking entirely convinced, Nina skeptically eyes the attempts he singled out.

“You sure?” She points to one, “This one looks like a bad rendition of the Scream.”

Gently, Ethan nudges the pitcher and the thermometer towards her, voice quiet but firm, “It’s an upgrade from the foamy blob you made earlier. You’re getting there. You just need to keep working on your technique.”

Releasing a sigh, Nina relents and pours more milk into the pitcher, readying for another round.

Delicate sunshine slants through the windows and catches on the tips of her hair as she bends forward, eyes narrowed at the face of the thermometer. Ethan keeps a watchful eye on her movements, leaning towards her a fraction more.

Despite the intensity coming off of Nina as she tackles the task, Ethan feels curiously light, as though the usual restlessness humming under his skin was dimmed. Hovering a little closer, the weak scent of apples from Nina’s hair tickles his nose, as she turns to heat the milk. Grabbing the steam wand, she inserts it into the liquid and turns it on, the thermometer clinking onto the side of the pitcher.  

When she gets to the part of pouring the milk into the coffee, the hand holding the steamed milk trembles slightly as she tips the wide-mouthed cup of the espresso forward in her non-dominant hand. Stepping ever closer and settling right behind her, Ethan leans his head down until it practically rests on her shoulder, her back to his chest, and brings a hand forward to steady her grip.

At the contact, the warmth of her skin spreads through his fingers, scalding in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant.

This close to her he can hear the intake of breath, the slight shudder in her voice as she continues, concentrating on the feeling of his hand and the milk as it spills into the espresso.

Morning light grows warmer as the sun rises up higher in the sky, and Ethan loses track of time as he watches Nina pour the foam, successfully forming an asymmetrical flower. The minute she finishes with the last drop, the barista sets the pitcher down, staring wide eyed at her work.

Turning her head slowly, she fixes her stare on him, a look of utter disbelief on her face, “...I did it.”

Ethan’s lips quirk and he nods once, “You did.”

There’s a pause as it sinks in.

“...Oh my god! I did it!” Elated, Nina leaps towards Ethan, throwing her arms around him in a bone-crushing hug.

“Oof,” He braces himself at the force of her knocking into him. Letting out a snort, Ethan finds himself chuckling at the brunette’s joy, a small feeling of pride spreading through his chest, having spent all day trying to get to this point.

The moment lingers, Nina’s arms still wrapped around Ethan’s broader frame, the thumping of her heart beating against his rib cage. In a tiny, slightly muffled voice, “Thank you.”

Tilting her head up at him, she awards him with a gentle smile, the softness of her face accentuated by the tender curl of her lips, “Seriously. It was thanks to your help today. Guess you really are a good teacher,” Nina quips, a levity about her now that made it difficult for him to look away.

Ethan smirks, “Of course I am. I’m good at everything.”

The barista rolls her eyes all the way up to the ceiling, “Glad to see you’ve got a strong ego.”

“Was it not earned?”

“...Okay yes, but it doesn’t mean you have to be annoying about it,” She grumbles, lips forming a pout.

It takes Ethan another minute to realize that neither of them had moved, the both of them still wrapped around each other. The warmth of her skin bleeding through his shirt, the faint apple scent of her hair tickling his nose once more and he unconsciously leans down.

Nina’s eyelids flutter as she moves towards him, and soon he’s close enough that he can count every speck of caramel in the brown pools of her eyes. The pink of her lips. The small shudder of her breath. Every second that ticks by is another he’s falling...Wait, what?

Ethan jolts, his thoughts crashing to a stop, his entire body tensing. Sensing the change of mood, Nina halts as well, pulling back slightly to look at him, brows furrowed in concern, “Are you alright, Ethan?”

No. He doesn’t respond as he starts extricating himself from her grasp, peeling away from her. The groove in between her eyebrows deepen as Ethan hurries to place some distance between them.

There’s another moment of silence that blankets over them, but this one is different. It’s tense, making Ethan’s gut churn a little.

“...Did I...is something wrong?”

Unable to meet her eyes, he holds back a grimace, hearing a tremble of hurt in her voice as she asks. He stays silent for another beat before glancing in her direction, not meeting her gaze, “No, it’s just. It’s...I gotta go. My shift starts soon.”

Not waiting for a reply, Ethan yanks off his apron, roughly throwing back onto the rack before hastily grabbing his white coat and rushing out the door, never once turning back to look at the barista, whose eyes never left his back as he briskly walked off back to the hospital.      

-------------------

Day 5

“You’re still here, Ethan?”

At the sound of the voice, Ethan looks up from a patient’s x-rays he’d been examining, finding his colleague, Dr. Baz Mirani, standing in the doorway of his office.

Throwing a quick glance at the wall clock, it read 11:54 p.m.

Damn. It’s this late already? He’d completely lost track of time.

Rubbing a tired hand over his chin, Ethan releases a sigh before packing up his things, and leaving his office for the night, brushing past Baz on the way out. He wasn’t going to be able to do much more tonight.

A full effect of autumn had taken root and blanketed across the town in the past month. Stepping out in the night, Ethan lifted up his face, the scent of the fall leaves and cool evening air caressing the tip of his nose. As he moved closer to his car, a restlessness buzzed under his skin and he was unable to shake it no matter how much he tried.

He’d been feeling this way for about a month now. Ever since then.

A flicker of brown eyes and soft smiles crosses his mind and a gnawing apprehension sits in his throat, one that feels suspiciously like guilt. Guilt and...something else Ethan doesn’t want to define yet.

Sighing once more into the autumn night, he reaches his car door, ready to go home to his bottle of scotch waiting for him. The feeling continues to nip at him though, and he pauses when reaching for the handle of his car, the weight in his backpocket feeling much, much heavier.  

Maybe...He suddenly...felt an urge for some coffee.

Before he could talk himself out of it (this is a bad idea), he leaves behind his car and takes off in the direction of the coffeeshop, his footsteps slow and effortful.

The lights are still on when he reaches Derry Roasters, the blinds of the windows all pulled down save for two that overlook the counter. His eyes immediately land on the barista, sweeping away at the floor on the other side of the register, expression tight and disappointed.

The guilt started to creep back in at the look on her face.

This really was a bad idea. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk to her yet, after his abrupt exit last time. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready, but he certainly wasn’t today.

Backtracking, Ethan began turning back in the direction from which he came, but the movement catches her eye and right away, Nina glances up, brown eyes connecting with blue ones. Ah shit.

Seeing him, the barista’s expression tightens a fraction more, a cool gleam flashing across her eyes, and she frowns before beckoning him to come in with a quick nod of her head.

A weary sigh leaves his lips as Ethan ambles over, the ding of the bell ringing out like it was announcing his execution. The minute he walks in, Nina folds her arms across her chest, still wearing her black apron over the pale blue sweater she donned today.

“Did you need something?” She asks after a long, tense moment.

He doesn’t reply, the lump in his throat growing as he hears the familiar line, ones uttered by him not too long ago. The circumstances in which they were said so different.  

She presses forward when he doesn’t speak, “You haven't been around much lately.” It sounds a little like an accusation.

“My coffee machine’s working again. So I didn’t really need to come here anymore,” He tries to hold back a grimace at how calloused he sounds.

Nina’s frown morphs into a glare and Ethan’s sure he’d rather be toughing it out in the Amazon right now than having to be the object of this woman’s current woe and ire. He’d rather be anywhere else.

He regrettably continues to dig his own grave, “There wasn’t much else this place could offer since I could just get coffee from my office now,” Why the fuck-  

“Well sorry I don’t have much to offer a world renown doctor,” A tinge of bitterness laced in her tone and he holds back a wince.

It was strange how easy it was for him to deal with the people at the hospital, never finding any need to mince words with idiots with fat pockets, and vultures trying to increase their profits at the expense of others. With his patients, always doing his best to be honest with them as they faced their own battles everyday, fighting for their lives. But here, in front of this woman who miffed him and intrigued him to no end, Ethan always found himself hesitating and clumsy with his words.

He stays quiet for too long and his silence, his lack of anything annoys her.

“You really are a cactus,” Nina mumbles, tightening her grip on the broom, keeping her eyes trained to the ground.

Taking a steadying breath, the barista glares pointedly at the crack in the floor before speaking up again, “You’re always like this, you know. I’ve talked to you like five times, and even I can tell you what you’re like.”

He doesn’t speak, the tension in the air making it difficult for him to cut through, his throat closing.

Nina holds up her hand, dainty fingers curled into a fist before she begins counting, “You always have to be sarcastic or ironic about something,” She lifts up a finger, “You’re always grumpy and kind of an asshole,” She puts up another finger, “You’re so closed off it’s sometimes so hard to talk to you because I have no idea what you’re thinking,” She pauses, ticking off another finger as the edge of her glare starts to fade, “...You never say what you mean. You’re so emotionally constipated and you make a habit of running away. You can’t just admit you like something and you always have to find a roundabout way to-”

During her tirade, Ethan had inched closer to her, slipping out what he had hidden in his back pocket. In one swift motion, he presents it to her, shoving it right under her nose and effectively cutting her off mid-rant.

Nina blinks, staring down at the trinket. A small frog keychain sits in the palm of his hand, the plush material appearing velvety under the beam of the ceiling light.  

“...What?”

His other hand reaches up to scratch the back of his neck as she peers up at him, wide-eyed and confused at the gesture, “I saw it a while ago. I don’t know why I thought of you but I bought it.” He nods at the pin clipped dutifully on her apron, right next to her name tag.

A long stretch of silence envelopes them and Ethan’s not sure what to classify this one. It didn’t feel comfortable nor was it tense like before. The brunette continued to stare at the item in his hand before gingerly, almost shyly taking it into her hands, rolling it a bit between her fingers.

After another long moment, she speaks up, “My brother...always liked frogs,” Voice airy, she keeps her eyes on the plush and continues, “He got sick a lot, and they always made him feel better. So I would always be wearing them and bringing them to him whenever he got sick again.” Nina glances up at him finally and he notices her eyes glistening with emotion.

“He’s alright now, but I guess old habits die hard. I’ve grown attached to frogs myself,” She chuckles.

Ethan watches her, blue eyes lingering on her frame before finding his voice again, “I’m glad your brother is fine now. You’re a wonderful sister.”

Nina remains quiet, eyes still fixed on the gift and Ethan’s not sure why he feels the need to keep going, “I found it in the gift shop at the hospital.”

There’s another pause as Nina freezes again. As the seconds stretch on, Ethan’s worried he overstepped. Maybe don’t tell her that. Preparing to backtrack and excuse himself from this scenario, he readies an apology on his lips, when he’s interrupted by the sound of a snort.          

She’s...laughing?

Bemusement takes over his face as he blinks, watching as the barista starts curling over, laugh growing in intensity and volume. One peek at his face and she’s launched into another fit.  

Nina continues to laugh, her body shaking as the amusement runs through her small frame. Ethan stands there silently, not sure what he should be doing as the barista keeps giggling, hand clutching the keychain tight in her grip.

Finally, after what feels like ages, Nina’s laughter subsides, fixing her posture and settling her gaze on him, something that Ethan can’t define sparkling in her eyes.

A fond sigh leaves her lips as she regards him, “You make it hard to stay mad,” She lets out, voice delicate like a whisper.  

Nina links her hands behind her back, expression happy and radiant, and he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from her. In his daze, he doesn’t notice her moving, approaching quicker than he has time to form a coherent thought.

Nina practically skips towards him, closing the distance between them. Ethan almost reflexively took a step back, the sudden proximity shocking him speechless as he catches the caramel flecks in her eyes, sparkling and utterly captivating.

“So,” Drawing out the one syllable, Nina’s eyes crinkle into those familiar crescent moons, as she lifts herself up on her tiptoes and leans towards him, noses almost touching. Ethan finds himself rooted to the spot, completely at a loss before her as her eyes reflect like stars.  

“Are you gonna ask me on a date or what?”  

Fin.

taglist: @openheart12 @ethandaddyramsey @noboundariesplease @drethanramslay @ethanramseysgirl @senseofduties @messrprongs @x-kyne-x @ethxnrxmsey​ @newcolonies​ @choices-love-affair​ @sekizincimektup​ @nooruleman​ @fightingtheinevitable​ @kaavyaethanramsey @agent-breakdance​ @blueacacias​ @edith-eggs1​  

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi guys! I I'm an ENXP and I was looking for some advice about knowing myself better. I saw the mods are ENPs and maybe you guys could help me. I recently noticed a pattern regarding my own actions that is basically ruining my life. I seem to rely too much on my Ne, specially about my future and my career. I'm ruled by a need of pursuing anything that catches my attention in a determined moment. I obsess over it for a while and then move on. I've changed my major 4 times now. Every activity I do is temporary. And if I don't find something I can obsess over I get depressed and bored. Anyways, I think this has led me to not trust myself anymore, since I can't commit to anything because I lose interest in everything and I'm always looking for new possibilities. I have reached a point where I can't allow myself to pursue everything I want and I have to make decisions and commit. But I'm too scared to become trapped and take responsibility for my own decisions. I think this would be easier if I knew myself better, but I don't think I know who I am besides my own random interests, which is weird I guess. How can I develop my own Fi? Or Ti? How do you guys deal with your dominant Ne? How do you commit to things? I'm 23 by the way. Shouldn't I have developed some Fi or Ti or something by now? I turned to mbti because I wanted to gain a better understanding of myself but holy shit this is hard. I could only recognize my dominant Ne. All this self analysis seems useless if I don't really know myself, I realized I'm not self aware at all. So anyways, as fellows Ne doms how did you guys developed your auxiliary functions? Any advice will be amazing! Thank you guys for everything you do here!

The first thing you need to do is recognize is you are an Enneagram 7 and all of this is ‘normal’ for them in lower health levels. To overcome this, you have to ‘grow up’ as a 7 and stop allowing fear of commitment or quick loss of focus from dominating your life. You have control over yourself, you are not utterly helpless to your whims (said the Fi user who has a moral tone of ‘you make your own choices and messes and you have to get out of them’ ;).

7s have to learn to be open to the scary idea of commitment to reap the dividends of hard work.

Read the 7 profile and see how allowing yourself to ‘run away’ from commitment (which includes not finishing or devoting yourself to any project) can hinder your life. Once you recognize WHAT you are doing, and WHY you are doing it, you can develop the power to STOP YOURSELF from doing it, or from allowing ‘excuses’ or fear to run you away from good things.

ENTP Mod. : Charity is right. Here is also where the judging functions come into play. With Fi, you can eventually weed out that which you aren't personally passionate about/ those goals which don't align with your personal values. With Ti, you can see a chain reaction of the patterns in your life, and determine the most effective path to help yourself using logic to streamline your processes, make it more elegant.

Slow the hell down. Force yourself to stop running toward the future and live right now. Repeat the mantra of ‘right now is all that matters today’ a 100 times an hour if you have to. Be present. Be invested. Bring yourself into ‘now.’

My co-mod is a 7w6 ENTP who suffers from a lot of the same issues; I will nudge her to offer her two cents to this post, in regards as to what she is currently doing about it. Basically, she had to talk herself into getting a permanent job rather than talking herself out of it. Once she got into it, she realized it didn’t suck as much as she feared. Her brain is her own worst enemy.

I had to talk myself into this job. I gave myself lots of reasons why I would love it. It might sound a little unrealistic going in with pre set expectations but at least you will not go in blind. Making a pros cons list is always a good idea. It helps to sift through your multiple ideas, and narrow down the ones which can really work. Test out the feasibility of your ideas, opportunities before hand. Talk to people, do your research. Just remember that things will never be as bad or boring as you think them to be. This is a cliche but something which helps me in the mornings when I know I have boring work to do is "Get up, dress up, show up. Never give up." Also it helps to live from day to day. Don't worry too far into the future, you never know what variables might upset your plans.

Work-wise, a 7 needs to travel, get the ‘high’ of meeting new people, and not to be involved in sheer detail-driven grunt work. They need challenges to work toward and obstacles to overcome. Pick a career that offers you all of that. If you do not, you will have a string of 6 months at ___ jobs that do not look good on your resume. Find a career in something that you feel passionate about, that offers some kind of mental stimulation.

ENTP 7 co-mod is an attorney who loves to find ways to ‘get around things’ in the law.

ENTP Mod. note: Always try to remember the root of your passion when you feel like defecting from one option to another. If you must leave, leverage what you have learned in one place and how you can dress that up to make your hopping about look good. That's what I did, and it worked for me. Some of the reasons I love my job are the constant intellectual stimulation, creative aspects of it, my love for criminology pays off, meeting interesting people. Sure there are sucky days when you have to deal with the bureaucratic demons. But that won't be every day. Unless your role requires you to do something like it. In which case I would suggest that you avoid picking up detail heavy, low Si or adherence related work which will make you feel miserable and frustrated. Try to pick something that plays to your strengths, improve your weaknesses. Compete with nobody but yourself. Every day you are better than you were, yesterday. Even with a little effort. It is important to not give up. It is so hard for 7s but we have the gift of rationalizing. So instead of using it as a mechanism to justify dropping things, use it to tell yourself why you should stick around. You as a 7 can make most things fun. So find little tricks and ways to make the work day fun. Whether it is achieving small, impactful targets or making games out of small, low stakes things. Also, having money and being able to live nicely is fun. Nobody is gonna pay you if they think that their money will be wasted on training you if your pattern is just leaving jobs. It took me a long time to develop this perspective but I am glad I did.

I (ENFP 6w5 sp/so) chose a career in magazine editing, because it gives me time to do what I actually love, which is write novels. I’m afraid I can’t give you advice from my own life that would work for you, because a 6w5 sp/so is far more focused and driven to finish their projects than a 7w6, which means I push through ‘the boring, tedious bits’ of projects regardless of how ‘excited’ I am. It’s not fun to edit a book 7 times, but I still do it. I force myself to show up to work, to sit there for 3 or 4 hours, and commit to X amount of words, pages, etc.

Do you think it’s “fun” for me always to keep this queue stocked, or to type up characters at the end of a long day because the queue is low? Or go back and update old profiles and move them from this blog onto wordpress? No. I hate it sometimes. It’s boring as hell. But I committed to it, I will see it through, even though looking into my “to update” folder makes me want to scream. I tackle huge projects one step at a time. I’m disciplined but I can procrastinate at work, rather than doing whatever needs doing.

Which really is the bottom line. You want to finish things? Just do them. Force yourself to show up and do the work, even if it’s “boring.” Most of life isn’t fun. Paying the bills isn’t fun. You do boring stuff to make a living, so you can have the money to do fun things. If you do not learn to do it, whether or not it is fun, you will wind up ‘stuck at home this month, because I have no money.’

That frustrates a 7 even more than being bored at work.

Accept that your fear of commitment is a fear-driven lie.

You are not going to get trapped by committing to something or someone. Head types massively over-think things and allow fear – in the 7’s case of “missing out” on better things – to dominate their life. Admit it’s fear. Admit that allowing fear to ruin your entire life is stupid. Then do something against the fear. Do the thing fear tells you not to: commit and work at it. Fight the urge every day to leave. Stick it out, and prove you ‘can’ to yourself.

Middle functions. You’re in college so you should be seeing either some Ti analyzing or Te “buckle down and set goals and get this schoolwork finished by the deadline” kicking in. Are you more inclined to self-doubt and beat yourself up like a young FiTe user after ‘failing’ to organize your time efficiently or to make excuses and blame external circumstances like a young TiFe user?

My Fi has always been strongly evident, though I didn’t know what it was at the time. Things that set off a NOPE response in me vs. the ‘rest of everything, which I don’t care about.’ The intense sensitivity as a child. The compassion for other people and especially for small animals. The understanding of emotional dynamics and how people ‘feel.’ The constant angst between caring too much about people’s feelings and being low Te blunt or rude when I’m having an off day. The ‘going away from everyone’ to deal with my feelings in private. I have always fiercely, Fi-ishly known what I like and do not like, and have no ability to ‘tolerate’ things that I do not like. Once, I didn’t like half the people seated at my table at a public event, so I shut down completely and did not say a word to anyone at the table for two hours. My Fe friend also hated them, but smiled and charmed them all. Lucky girl. She can fake her feelings. I can’t.

- ENFP Mod

[itchillyoutside]

It’s A Little Chilly Outside

Judy was so very warm and snug. She lay in Nick’s arms, the two of them dozing on his couch, the frigid wind blowing fresh snow onto the city just outside his window. The remnants of hot spice cider spiked with rum lay in cold dregs in their mugs. They hadn’t spoken a word in over an hour. Both were content to lay wrapped up with each other in companionable silence.

The back of her head was pressed against Nick’s chest. With his arms wrapped around her waist and his muzzle in between her ears, she knew heaven would never be more perfect than this. Such a shame she had promised her parents she would be home tonight. Well, back at her aunt’s apartment actually.

Bonnie and Stu, along with her litter mates James and Jenny, had traveled to the city yesterday for some holiday shopping. They had opted to stay with her aunt in Savanna Central, since Judy’s apartment was being deloused. Unable to refuse Aunt Maple’s offer, she agreed to stay with her as well.

Though her apartment had more room, Judy had lasted approximately 6 hours before calling Nick to escape. At least for the day. She dearly loved her family, but there was reason she lived in the city and not Bunnyburrow. She promised her parents she would be back, something she now hated herself for. She was so very warm and snug. But a promise was a promise.

She opened her eyes and checked the time. Nine thirty. Giving a soft sigh, she gently pulled away from her cuddly fox, who gave a slight jerk and whine of dismay. The bunny simply stretched her arms over her head and turned to give him a sad smile.

“I really can't stay.” Judy reached to stroke his muzzle.

“But, Carrots, it's cold outside.” Nick reached to pull her back into his arms.

“I’ve got to go away.” She laughed and kissed the tip of his nose, dodging his attempts to kiss her back.

“Carrots, it's cold outside,” he reached to cup her cheek, relishing how she pressed into his palm.

“This evening has been,” she smiled as his claws lightly scratched her ears.

“Been hoping that you’d drop in,” he murmured.

“So very nice,” she closed her eyes as he leaned in nuzzle her neck. His paws lowered to grasp hers in another attempt to pull her in.

“I’ll hold your paws, they're just like ice.” Judy had to fight a moan as he nipped and kissed his way up her neck to the base of her ears.

“My mother will start to worry.”

He pulled back as she reluctantly pulled away again and left the sofa to gather her things.

“Beautiful, what's your hurry?” Nick followed with a sly grin.

She had discarded her sweater onto the floor for the lavender thermal she wore underneath. The sweater was quickly snatched by the fox, which made his bunny laugh. He held it behind his back, playfully backing away from Judy as she tried to reach around him for it.

“My father will be pacing the floor!” She dove for him, only to find he had let it fall. So she settled for her fox scooping her up instead, giggling as he turned them to the t.v., programed to the fireplace channel.

“Listen to the fireplace roar!” He smiled happily at the screen before turning to her. Judy rolled her eyes and dislodged herself from his arms. She bent for sweater and started pulling it over her head.

“So really I'd better scurry,” his bunny declared, her ears pushing through the neck. His paws landed on her hips, though he neither helped nor hindered her actions. She shivered when his voice sadly whispered into one long trembling ear.

“Beautiful, please don't hurry….” She dragged her sweater on, letting her paws come to rest on his.

“But maybe just a half a drink more,” Judy sent him a coy glance over her shoulder and was gifted with grin more radiant then the brightest Christmas tree.

“Put some records on while I pour,” Nick gave her a quick kiss between the ears and raced to the kitchen.

Judy giggled again as she walked to his old turntable to restart the album they had been enjoying earlier. They both had been too lazy to change or restart it, giving into the comforts of the couch and each other.

But the reasons for why she was leaving, or trying to, left her head as her fox left the kitchen with two fresh steaming mugs of spiked cider.

“The neighbors might think,” she accepted her mug with a soft smile at his head shake. He looked pointedly at the frosted over window.

“Carrots, it's bad out there,” he smiled back and stepped closer, filling with pride as her first sip made her groan in delight.

“Say what's in this drink?” A quick glance at the breakfast nook gave the answer. Carrot Cake Rum! Yum!!

She gave another sigh as her fox lowered his muzzle to the top of her head, pulling the drink from her grasp. The mugs were set aside, Nick pulled one small paw of hers to rest on his chest. The other he took lightly in one of his own. His remaining paw went to mingle with the soft curve of her hip, drawing her close to dance with the soft music that played.

“No cabs to be had out there,” his voice sounded as love drunk as she felt in that moment as they swayed together. Her head rested against his chest. His scent, violets and spice, lulled her into a deep peace. Judy felt her resolve crumbling. And she was not sure how much she cared.

“I wish I knew how,” amethyst eyes opened and glanced up to find emerald green gazing into her.

“Your eyes are like starlight now,” he murmured lowering his lips to hers

“To break this spell.” She couldn’t resist the helpless sigh that came out as their lips touched. They both groaned when her phone told her she had a message.

Pulling away sadly, Nick whining again in protest, Judy grabbed her beanie from the couch and fitted it over her ears before turning to where she had last left her phone. She had just scooped it off an end table when she felt a tugging on her head. Turning around in shock, she laughed as Nick pulled the beanie over his ears.

Once again, she dashed towards him, laughing as he modeled the too small beanie. His funny faces and smug grin made it hard for her to be irritated.

“I’ll take your hat, your ears looks swell.” He laughed at her slight blush, his tail swaying happily as his bunny chased him.

She was finally able to corner him at the dining table. Hopping onto it, she crossed to stand in front of him. The change in height had her smiling down at her fox as she reached to remove it from his head. He offered no protest, happy to merely be gazing into his bunny’s eyes . His now free ears flicked in surprise as she tossed the beanie behind her, eyes never leaving his.

“I ought to say, no, no, no sir,” she smiled as her paws went to frame his face.

“Mind if I move in closer?” Nick felt his heart race as his own paws traced their way up her legs towards her waist once more.

“At least I'm gonna say that I tried,” she sighed out, his grip tightening enough for her to wrap her legs around him. Her arms went around his neck and she buried her nose into his fur. Oh, how she loved the way her fox smelled.

“What's the sense in hurtin' my pride?” Nick whispered, carrying her to the bedroom. He set her down carefully, shivering as her body slide down his, knowing the soft fur those layers hid. Her feet landed lightly onto the floor, her paws staying at the collar of his shirt.

“I really can't stay,” she teased herself fidgeting with the first buttons of his shirt.

“Oh, Carrots, don't hold out,” that earned him a solid punch to the arm, causing him to grin and correct himself, “but, Carrots, it's cold outside.”

“I simply must go,” she groaned, as she let him take off her sweater again. Her paws gave into the undoing of the buttons on his shirt.

“But, Carrots, it's cold outside,” he dropped his arms to let her pull the offending article of clothing off of him.

“The answer is no,” as she reached for his belt buckle.

“But, Carrots, it's cold outside.” Nick stopped her paws and brought them to his muzzle. Her knees weakened as he kissed the palm of each before wrapping them once more around his neck.

“Your welcome has been,” she responded, gasping as he reached down to her thighs to lift her again.

“How lucky that you dropped in,” he groaned walking further into the room towards the bed. He turned to sit on the edge, with his bunny snug in his lap. His paws stroked her back softly, working their way down, with a gentle brush over her twitching tail. They found themselves under her shirt, his large paws brushing over her soft fur. The heat they generated pulled a satisfied chirr out her.

“So nice and warm,” she whispered dazedly, nuzzling into his neck.

“Look out the window at this dawn.” That caused her ears to snap up, hitting him in the face, as her eyes went to the window.

How long have I been here? She thought frantically.

But the still darkness of the outside world was all she saw. She turned back to her smirking fox, who was laughing at his little prank. Giving him another punch, Judy crawled off of him and stood, arms crossed and foot thumping.

Nick’s ears fell along with his face, waiting for her to scold him. His tail gave a nervous flicker behind him. She rolled her eyes and turned to resume getting ready to leave.

This is worse then a lecture, he thought sadly. The worst moments of his life where the moments she left. Even if they were only temporary. He wanted her to stay here. Not just for the night, but for every night. Life stopped whenever she left the room.

“My sister will be suspicious,” she said matter of factly. She took her time bending down to pick up her sweater. He felt his gaze being drawn to that cute tail twitching in front of him. She straightened slowly and turned back to face him.

Nick pushed himself up and slowly walked across the darkened room. The dim light from the living room wasn’t necessary for him to see the beauty in front of him. Now in front of her again, he reached to cup her cheek once more.

“Gosh your lips look delicious,” he traced his thumb over her smile feeling her blush growing at the compliment.

“My brother will be there at the door,” she said with a smile as he lowered his nose to her neck.

Her scent flooded his, making itself home in his soul. Better than any perfume. Sweeter than any blueberry, it was honey, candy, brandy, wine, peaches, bananas, and everything good in the world. This was a scent that he needed. The epitome of relaxation, like-

“Waves upon the tropical shore,” he groaned. And he stole a kiss, unable to stop himself.

“My maiden aunts mind is vicious,” she whimpered. She tilted her head up to steal another for herself.

“Gosh, your lips are delicious,” he said in a daze as her paws once again found his buckle. They completed their mission, now deciding the button of his slacks was their next target.

“But maybe just a cigarette more.”

He pulled back to stare at her in confusion. Judy simply smirked as she looked into his eyes before casting them downward towards the bulge growing in his pants. Nick couldn’t stop the laughter from spilling out. His bunny should really leave the jokes to him.

A strong wind suddenly rattled the windows, startling his bunny into jumping into his arms. The two casted a glance to the bedroom window, before turning back to each other with a content sigh.

“Never such a blizzard before,” Nick whispered as he peppered kisses into her neck.

“I’ve gotta get home,” Judy sighed, as her fox walked them both back to the bed.

“But, Carrots, you'd freeze out there,” he protested, lowering her the mattress while still kissing her neck. She let her paws work their way up to his ears, earning a soft purr from her fox in response.

“Say, lend me a coat,” his bunny giggled as he playfully nipped the underside of her muzzle.

“It’s up to your knees out there!” He framed her face, carefully titling her chin to allow him more access for his ministrations. Her paws left his ears and went to his own, stroking them in encouragement, enjoying the care and love he was showing her.

“You've really been grand,” she moaned as he nibbled his way down her neck. Her thermal was still well in place, though it didn’t stop him from dragging his muzzle down her belly.

“I thrill when you touch my paw,” he said raising his eyes to hers. She quirked her eyebrows at him. He just shrugged and smiled.

To his dismay, she sat up and started to pull away again. He pouted at her, getting another laugh from his bunny, who scooted up to him as he was crouched on the floor by the mattress. She brought herself up so he was between her legs, an action he definitely noticed as he reached out a paw for each one.

“But don't you see?” She sighed with pleasure as he leaned forward. His nose again made itself at home in the crook of her neck.

“How can you do this thing to me?” He said dramatically. She chuckled as his nose rooted through her fur.

“There's bound to be talk tomorrow,” Judy argued, thinking of Clawhauser. The officers of precinct one suspected something was going on between them. But so far there was nothing concrete. If they came in tomorrow smelling like each other, they would never hear the end of it.

“Think of my lifelong sorrow,” Nick said sadly.

“At least there will be plenty implied….” Judy let herself drift in bliss as his paws found the edge her shirt. She could always just shower. She left shampoo and a towel here for time like this after all….

“If you got pnuemonia and died!” Her fox pulled away from her, his heartbeat skyrocketing, eyes wide, ears flat, and tail puffed out in fear. She met those beautiful green emeralds, now starting to glisten with tears at the thought of loosing his beautiful bunny.

She reached up to stroke his face, pulling his head down to her chest and allowing him to hear her heartbeat. The tension slowly left his body and his breathing evened out. She smiled down at her fox, still stroking him soothingly, and gave him a soft kiss on top of his head.

She pressed her cheek onto the spot her lips touched and sighed. A smile curved her mouth as she listened to his heart resume it’s normal pace. He breathed in great lungfuls of her scent, his bunny's smell being the best way to ground his sometimes troubled mind.

“I really can't stay,” Nick whined again and pulled his head from her arms to give her sulky look. She smiled at him and kissed his nose, “but I’ll get over that old out.”

Nick’s ears perked and a smile began to form. She released his head and reached to the hem of her thermal. She brought it up over her head, cleared her ears, and tossed it over her fox’s shoulder. He happily followed it’s progress before turning back to her, sitting in front of him in her bra and jeans.

She giggled and scooted towards the center of the bed. He grinned that predator grin. One that made her knees weak and her bones turn to jelly. Especially when he paired it with the slow crawl he had mastered. The crawl that was really a stalk, and never failed to spark her arousal.

She watched as he shed his slacks as he stalked towards her on the bed. She felt heated in anticipation as he snagged her hind paw, planting a kiss the ankle as he brought her leg to rest on his shoulder. She shivered as his paws moved up her still covered legs, feeling the light brush of claws through the material, as the moved towards the button of her pants.

His bunny groaned as he undid them, his eyes never leaving her face. Smiling, as she lifted her hips to help him free her legs from their bindings. Tossing them aside, Nick brought her other ankle to his lips, before letting it come to rest on his opposite shoulder. He smiled as he pressed small licks and kisses up her calves, to her thighs, alternating between the two legs resting on his shoulders.

“Baby, it's cold,” she groaned, biting her lips as she watched his progress up her body. Her paws reached over her head to grasp the comforter.

“Baby, it's cold outside,” her fox smirked as she panted in frustration. He had gotten to her center, only to skip it entirely. He continued up her firm stomach, as a final coherent though popped into her brain.

“I need to text my parents! Let them know I’m staying here!”

Nick paused to smile at his bunny.

“I already did,” he said, his eyes widening in innocence, “while you were dozing on the couch. They said they would rather you stay here than go out in the storm.

The punch that followed was soon forgotten. It was, after all, just a little chilly out.

[boredompaw]

Day 10

Oh dear it’s rather late today. Or early. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be up when the sun rises, oh well. Started off the day pretty chipper, feeling well rested and energized. Except for my legs. Yesterday I didn’t feel like journaling because I had a brickload of homework I needed to get through, to stay “on course” for the other classes’ homework that was assigned. I’m irritated a lot more because I guess, the teachers’ logic was to assign a shitload of work, because we have nothing to do at home right now. I guess there’s less test pressure now, but instead, it feels like hella work. Maybe a combination of distracting environments and good connection to the internet also makes the pile seem larger. 

Anyhow, it isn’t as fun and laid back as the last three weeks were. Going back to yesterday, I told my parents I would go walk/hike with them, but then they tricked me into going running. I purposefully chose the hilliest route to be spiteful, and it was hard for me, but probably worse for them, because they had to try to keep up to my pace, to ensure my safety. One thing I noticed, though, was how many times I rolled my ankle. A record six times during a run, when I usually only roll it 3 times per. On the topic of safety, sometimes I feel that my mother is so paranoid that she demonizes basically all men outside the family. I can understand, very well, where her fear stems from, but personally, I feel like that mindset only furthers the hate in some other men, who may hold already negative views of us. I’m not saying to conform and please them, but I feel that it’s better to approach everyone as having good or neutral intentions. Most people are moralistic, especially since I live in an area that’s well off or fortunate, to say the least. In those circumstances, people tend to be more kind. Usually. Anyways, my point is to defer judgement, unless they’re suuupppper suss. I had the two hour SAT course today at 3, and again, it was really boring. I spent a lot of the time I had working on the chemH lab, and scanning my english essay. Later in the evening, I was buckling down and getting my english essay prepped for peer review, but then I was distracted by the tempting iPad pro and autodesk sketchbook. Since I feel into the habit of creating, during the 3 week break thing, I have been itching to resume, but remote learning and its schoolwork/homework hasn’t left too much time for me to create. While I drew and worked on Sansa Stark (help! color theory is hard, and shading skin is hardd), I did part of my world history homework, although I still have a major chunk of it left. On top of that, I have to get done 2 CS assignments, 1 crap ton of French work, a Macbeth analysis worksheet, two quizzes- no three quizzes, and a club meeting thing to work on, all due by tomorrow (technically today (Thursday)) or Friday. The grind is real. I also had to get done some of Sports PE homework, which is to use Sworkit and “work out.” The super irritating thing is they won’t allow running or biking or any of those activities to count. Only the core/strength/cardio/HIIT stuff is allowed. Like c’mon! I p̶r̶o̶b̶a̶b̶l̶y̶  burn more calories running than... that stuff... But I guess a change is good for me, and I can get something resembling a core. I have no core. lmao. Recently, the news has been focusing on Cali, because the governor is detailing a plan to release people back into the workforce, and OhMyGodIJustWantToGoOutAndMeetUpWithFriendsAgainPlease. So when shelter in place is lifted on May 4th, I will go out and buy more paints and books and starbucks (maybe) and all purpose flour and-- Yeah. First world problems. I also would like to say

GA TECH  let me in PLZ I want to be the class of ‘27 there please

lololol

I’m just high on “almost 5 o’clock in the morning juice”

more shitposts guaranteed later today. 

--

also I’ve been listening to too much

Lauv

Alec Benjamin

Jeremy Zucker

Halsey

and HARRY STYLE SUCKS ok

[crispychrissy]

Shrink - Chapter 17

Summary: When patients of a psychiatrist that caters exclusively to hunters start going crazy and dying, Sam and Dean Winchester investigate what might be causing these bizarre episodes. Pairing: Sam Winchester x Ellen Barnes Word Count: 3373 (whoops lol) Warnings: Smut, oral (female receiving), fingering, fluff A/N: My first fanfic! This is going to be a series, probably over 30 chapters total. Any feedback is appreciated, I am a newbie!

Still smiling as he drove down the road, Dean happily drummed his fingers on the steering wheel of the Impala. Hearing his phone vibrate, he glanced over to his coat laying on the passenger’s seat. He fumbled around trying to get his hand into the inside jacket pocket, making sure to keep his attention on the road as he felt around. Finally maneuvering his fingers inside the pocket, he pulled out his cell phone to read the text message from Sam. “218 Snyder. Nice. Score one to Sam. Let’s hope you can score with Ellen, too.” Dean said, smiling and laughing to himself. Right as Dean was about to lock his phone and toss it back onto his jacket, it started to vibrate again. He turned the phone over and read the caller ID. It was Jody. Jody Mills is a sheriff in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. An acquaintance of their late friend Bobby Singer, Jody and the brothers have known each other for over five years now. They have worked several cases in the time since then, and Sam and Dean have taken Jody under their wing to teach her the basics of the hunter life. Currently Jody lives with Alex, a former captive of a vampire nest, and Claire, the daughter of Jimmy Novak, Castiel’s vessel. Dean tapped the Answer button and put the phone up to his ear. “Hey Jody. What’s shaking?” Dean said cheerfully. “Not much, still getting to know your friend Castiel. Thanks for the heads up that he was coming, by the way.” Jody said sternly. “Huh?” Dean said, tilting his head to the side, confused. “Castiel came to ask Claire about her sword yesterday. He just showed up at my door. I had no idea who he was. I mean…I know about him…just not…who he is.” Jody said.

“Ohhh. You’ve never met Cas before, have you?” Dean said, shaking his head. “I have not had the pleasure. Until yesterday.” Jody replied, her tone a lot lighter than earlier. “Claire didn’t tell you he was coming?” Dean asked. “Are you kidding me? The kid barely speaks at all, let alone to me.” Jody replied. “Teenagers. Yeah, I get it.” Dean said, before clearing his throat. “I, uhh, heard about the rave incident.” “Yeah, that was fun. Didn’t think angels could get high on ecstasy. Yah learn something new every day.” Jody said, laughing lightly. “I would have paid good money to see that.” Dean said, laughing along with Jody. “I guess I can check ‘rescue an angel from a rave’ off my Bucket List.” Jody said as a car door slammed shut in the background. “Hey, he deserves to relax. Things have been pretty intense with all this crap going on with The Darkness.” Dean said as he changed lanes on the highway. “The Darkness? Is that some kind of heavy metal band?” Jody asked as she turned the key in the ignition of her truck, causing it to sputter before roaring to life. “If only. Don’t worry, we’re gonna do what we do best. Kill the bad guy. Save the world. The usual.” Dean said as he took the phone away from his ear and hit the Speaker button on the screen. “If you need anything, you know I’m here.” Jody said, the soft hum of her engine in the background. “Thanks, Jody. Let me know if Cas becomes a handful.” Dean said as he tapped on the navigation app on his phone, putting in Natalie’s address. “Awww. Don’t worry, I can handle your boyfriend just fine.” Jody said, over exaggerating a soft and empathetic voice before she started laughing. “Bite me, Mills.” Dean said hastily, but smiling slightly. “You wish, Winchester.” Jody replied, smiling, before she hung up. Dean shook his head and rolled his eyes as he finished putting in Natalie’s address. He tapped the Go button and a woman’s voice began speaking, telling him to take the next exit off the highway.

"Don't worry, I'll be careful of your leg." Sam purred into Ellen's ear as he leaned down and began to kiss her neck. Ellen closed her eyes, feeling the warm sensation of Sam's breath and lips on her neck. She moaned softly as Sam playfully nibbled on the side of her neck, feeling the gentle abrasiveness of the stubble on his face rub against her. She could tell he was smiling. She reached up and slowly ran her fingers through his hair, feeling how soft it was in comparison to the stubble. Sam sat back, his knees on either side of Ellen's waist, and began to undo the buttons on her shirt. Sam smiled and stared into Ellen's eyes as he undid each button, before sliding his hand underneath Ellen's torso and pulling her shirt off, tossing it to the side of the bed. Feeling herself get lost in Sam's multicolored starburst eyes, Ellen smiled as she felt Sam run his fingers over her back before they began to undo the clasp on her bra. Ellen felt the elastic band of her bra go slack as Sam unclasped it. Sam gently lowered Ellen's torso back down on the bed. He traced his pointer finger from Ellen's bottom lip, down her chin, onto her chest, before hooking his finger on Ellen's bra and pulling it down. Ellen moaned softly, feeling the fabric of her bra rub against her already hard and sensitive nipples as Sam removed it, before throwing it in the same direction as her shirt. Sam leaned down again and started gently kissing the same spot on Ellen's neck, before slowly making his way down from her neck to her breasts. Sam grasped Ellen's right breast before taking it into his mouth, swirling his tongue around Ellen's nipple. Ellen arched her back and pushed her hips into Sam, feeling how hard he already was through his pants. Sam glided his right hand over Ellen's chest before taking a firm hold of her left breast and twirling his thumb and middle finger over her nipple. Ellen was amazed by how hard she was grinding against Sam, her moaning growing louder and louder as he switched breasts and began to nibble on her left nipple, kneading her right breast with his hand. Sam began to kiss back up Ellen's chest, over her breast, up her neck, and back onto her lips. He playfully bit onto Ellen's lower lip before firmly pressing his lips against hers, his tongue dancing around inside Ellen's mouth. Ellen, meeting her tongue with his, felt Sam's right hand begin to slide down her chest and down to the waistband of her skirt. Ellen could feel the familiar tingle of anticipation begin to warm between her legs as Sam swiftly undid the button on her skirt and slid his hand down into her panties. Slightly chilled by the cool air seeping down, Ellen could feel how wet she already was and ready for Sam's fingers to begin exploring her. Involuntarily spreading her legs a little wider, Ellen felt Sam's warm fingers begin to feel around her wet folds, before one finger rested over her clit. Slowly circling his middle finger over her clit, Sam, still kissing Ellen, began to twirl her left nipple between his fingers before pinching gently. Ellen moaned louder, her moans coming out as a soft growl that she could feel vibrate through her lungs. Sam tilted his head back, detaching from Ellen's lips as he removed his hand from her panties. Ellen opened her eyes and whimpered, before seeing Sam lean back and pull down the zipper on her skirt. He wiggled himself backward, still on his knees, as he slid Ellen's skirt down, being careful not to rub it against the wound on her leg. At the edge of the bed, he leaned backward and stood up, reaching down and pulling Ellen's skirt the remaining way off, dropping it to the floor next to him. Sam looked up at Ellen and undid the buckle on his belt before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. He rapidly pushed his pants down, refusing to wait for gravity to do the job. Ellen bit her lip, she could see how hard and big Sam was in his boxers as he kicked his pants to the side and resumed his position on top of her, a knee on either side. Kissing her again, Sam squeezed Ellen's left breast before sliding his fingers back down into her panties. Ellen snapped her eyes shut as Sam's fingers explored her again, the intoxicating feeling of desire pooling in the pit of her stomach. Sam slipped a finger inside Ellen, causing her to gasp in pleasure. Amazed at how wet she felt and unable to resist, Sam removed his fingers and began to slide off Ellen's panties. Ellen slipped her left leg through the elastic waistband, leaving them wrapped around her right thigh. She slipped her legs out from under Sam, intentionally rubbing her leg against his package to tease him. "You're going to pay for that." Sam growled at Ellen before he firmly grabbed her waist and pulled her hips toward him. Leaning back up, Sam kissed Ellen's lips before slowly kissing his way down her chest, over her stomach, and onto her thighs. He lightly traced his fingertips over the inside of Ellen's left thigh as he kissed and suckled on the inside of her right thigh, dangerously close to Ellen's still dripping wet pussy. Ellen grinded her hips side to side, trying to move Sam's lips closer to her spot. Sam rapidly slid his hands under Ellen's butt and firmly placed them on each of her hips. Ellen could feel his large hands push into her skin as she squirmed, unable to move her hips anymore. Sam stopped kissing her thigh and looked up at her, smiling. He slid his right hand out from under her and slowly rubbed his middle finger it up and down the length of Ellen's slit. Ellen grunted and moaned as Sam pressed his finger down more and more with each pass before leaning in and quickly running his tongue up the entire length of Ellen's pussy, tasting her delicious juices as they covered his tongue. Ellen gasped, then moaned as Sam repeated the same motion, curling his tongue at the last second to ensure he passed over her clit. Sam began to dance his tongue around Ellen's clit, watching her hips buck wildly and press harder in his mouth with each flick of his tongue. He slid his middle finger back inside her and began moving it in and out as he began to suck on her clit. Ellen moaned louder and louder, overwhelming desire taking over as she found herself unable to control the movement of her hips. She felt another finger side inside her as Sam continued to switch between flicking and sucking on her clit. She grabbed a handful of blankets and pulled, hard, her back arching and hips wildly grinding as she could feel her whole body tingle with pleasure. Sam slowly slid his fingers out of Ellen and stopped licking. Ellen exhaled quickly and breathed in deeply, trying to catch her breath. Sam climbed back up onto the bed and kissed Ellen once more, his mouth wet from pleasuring her. Ellen danced her tongue over Sam's lips, tasting his saliva mixing with her juices. Sam turned sideways and fell to his right, next to Ellen, still kissing her. Ellen turned to face him and ran her hand over Sam's well defined chest and down his abdomen, before sliding into his boxers. Ellen firmly took a hold of Sam in her hand as she began to stroke up and down. He was a lot larger than she expected, causing her mind began to wander, but she was snapped back by the overwhelming feeling of warmth and tingling returning between her legs. She slid her hand up and down the length of his shaft, feeling the hum of Sam's deep moaning vibrating her lips as he kissed her even harder. Ellen swirled her fingers around the tip of his cock before sliding her fingers down, tracing a vein on the underside of his shaft. Sam detached his lips and pressed his forehead against Ellen's, heavily breathing and groaning as she moved her thumb over the tip of his cock again. "I want you, Sam." Ellen whispered, feeling his warm breath against her face as he continued to moan. Sam reached down and pulled Ellen's hand out from his boxers. He lifted himself up and pulled off his boxers before kicking his leg out, sending them flying across the room. He laid on his back and reached into the drawer of the night stand. He removed a condom from the drawer, ripped it open, and slid it over his throbbing manhood. Ellen rolled over and straddled Sam, pressing her breasts flat against his chest. Sam looked up into Ellen's eyes, brushing the hair away from her face. Sam rested his hand on the left side of Ellen's neck and smiled. Raising an eyebrow, he quickly flipped Ellen back over onto her back and positioned himself between her legs. Ellen giggled softly and reached her hands up toward Sam. He intertwined his fingers into hers and pushed her hands back onto the bed. He wiggled his hips up and teased Ellen's opening with the tip of his cock. Ellen rocked her hips toward Sam, causing him to push harder onto her hands, pinning them firmly down. Sam moved his hips forward in one swift but quick thrust, entering Ellen. They gasped and moaned in unison as the entire length of Sam's cock slid inside her, both feeling how well it filled and stretched her walls. Ellen arched her back and opened her legs even more as Sam began to slowly thrust in and out, making sure he pulled out to the tip before plunging himself back inside. Ellen wrapped her legs around Sam's waist so he could go even deeper, feeling his weight press down on her hands as she tried to move her arms. Sam released his grip from her left hand as he took a handful of her hair and pulled, leaning down and pressing his body flat against hers as he thrusted faster and deeper inside her. Sam ran his teeth along Ellen's neck and nibbled, sucking gently as he groaned louder each time his hips slammed against hers. Ellen kept up with Sam's erratic rhythm, moving her hips to meet his, practically gasping every time he entered her and stretched her, hitting every sweet spot she had...and some she didn't even know she had. Ellen could feel herself getting closer to climax, the muscles in her core beginning to tighten as her moan turned into a soft yell of pleasure. Ellen wrapped her free hand around Sam's torso and onto his back, lifting herself slightly and digging her fingernails in as Sam began to push harder and harder into her. Both panting and sweating with exertion, Sam groaned, feeling that they both were getting close. Ellen grunted and arched her back as her muscles began to contract, squeezing down on Sam's cock that was still rapidly pushing into her. She loudly moaned, the moan blending into a scream, as she squeezed her eyes shut and held onto Sam, digging her nails into his back. Her whole body began to shake and tingle as she climaxed. Sam lowered his head and grunted, feeling Ellen shake beneath him and squeeze down, he thrusted into her a few more times before succumbing to climax himself. Sam let out a loud and guttural groan as he felt his body tense up and release, his cock throbbing as he came. Ellen opened her eyes to see Sam positioned over her, hands on either side of her upper torso. Breathing heavily, his hair dangled down into his face, both were slick with sweat. Ellen reached up and brushed the hair away from his face and smiled. Sam smiled back and leaned down, kissing Ellen...his tongue sliding between her lips and exploring once more. Ellen met her tongue with his before Sam detached and slid out of Ellen. She let out a small gasp as she felt him rub against her sweet spot again as he pulled out. Sam smiled and chuckled lightly, his adorable dimples making an appearance as he smiled. Ellen sighed heavily and closed her legs as Sam turned around and sat on the edge of the bed momentarily before getting up, pausing a moment to regain muscle control in his legs. "I needed that." Ellen said as she sat up on her elbows, still smiling at how hard she came. "Me too." Sam said as he practically stumbled over to the bathroom and flipped the light on. He turned around and faced Ellen. "Be right back." He winked before he closed the door to the bathroom. Ellen nodded and pulled the blanket over her body, allowing herself to flop back down on the bed. She closed her eyes, replaying what just happened in her mind before being snapped back to the present by a loud buzzing coming from the table. It was Sam's cell phone. "Sam, your phone's vibrating." Ellen said. Sam emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, and he walked over to the table. He picked up his phone and looked at the screen. "It's Dean." He said to Ellen before tapping the Answer button. "Hey Dean, how'd it go?" Sam asked, secretly hoping his brother wouldn't make a big deal out of him and Ellen. "It didn't. Address is bogus. You sure you got the right one?" Dean replied, a hint of annoyance in his voice. "I'm sure. Only one listed. I followed the paper trail." Sam replied. "The trail from foster care, to the women's shelter, then to the Doc?" Dean asked. "Yes, Dean. I know how to do my job." Sam snapped back. "I know that, Sammy. You were...distracted, though. Gotta make sure." Dean said with a chuckle. "You on your way back?" Sam replied as he walked over to the TV and removed his boxers from the top of it. He turned around, showed them to Ellen, and smiled. Ellen nodded and giggled. "Maybe. You finished getting your love injection from the good Doc yet?" Dean asked. "See you when you get here." Sam replied, ignoring Dean's comment. "Come on Sam, did you open yourself up and talk about your feelings? Or did she have an illness that can only be cured by some di-" Dean replied, before being cut off by Sam. "Goodbye Dean." Sam said sternly before hitting the End button on his phone and sliding it back onto the table. Ellen raised an eyebrow at Sam as he pulled off his towel and stepped into his boxers, pulling them up to his waist. "Dean's on his way back. He'll be here in about 30." Sam said smiling at Ellen again as he grabbed a pair of jeans from his bag, slid his leg inside, and began putting them on. "I'll get cleaned up. Need to put a bandage on this cut anyways." Ellen replied as she flung the blanket off, swung her legs around over the edge of the bed, and stood up. Her panties that were still around her right leg fell to the floor. She bent over and put her left leg back through and pulled them up. Shifting her weight off her injured leg, she limped a few steps toward the bathroom before Sam came over and grabbed her arm, helping her walk. At the doorway to the bathroom, Ellen spun around and kissed Sam. She could still taste herself as her tongue moved across his lips. Sam grabbed a firm handful of Ellen's ass and squeezed as she stopped kissing him. "Ooooh!" Ellen yelped, then giggled, before playfully pushing on Sam's chest. "Knock it off." "Mmhmm." Sam replied as he took a few steps back and laughed. Ellen smiled and turned around, stepping through the doorway to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Sam walked toward his bed and pulled a shirt out of his bag, finding himself unable to stop smiling.

[lazyfox411]

I’ll Try

aka the college au where shiro studies way too hard and needs a little help from his roomie keith :P this would have been posted a lot sooner but I was away for a few days :( don’t be afraid to send me feedback on my writing but go easy on me haha im still not used to this “sharing your work with other human beings” thing XD

Keith watched, practically scowling, as Shiro slumped farther over the kitchen table, straining to read the text in front of him.

“Why is this so hard to read?” Shiro asked in frustration. “I think I need glasses. It’s like the letters keep moving. Why are they moving? They’re words, they don’t need exercise.”

“Probably because you’re shaking,” Keith muttered, grabbing Shiro’s textbook and folding it shut. “I think you should take a break from studying.”

“Hey!” Shiro cried indignantly. He made a half-hearted grab for the book, only to let his hand flop back down to the table. He looked up at Keith through bloodshot eyes. “Give it back.”

“No. With finals coming up, you’ve been working yourself way too hard, and I’m not just gonna sit around and watch anymore. You always lecture me about being reckless, but look in the mirror. I’m not the only one who needs to improve their self care.”

Shiro sighed. “I just get so stressed over finals, it’s like I can’t even function properly.”

“Dude, you haven’t slept in like three days and I watched you mix Red Bull in your coffee yesterday morning. Trust me, I know you’re freaked out over this.”

“I’m just so tired,” Shiro moaned, resting his head on his arms.

“It’s okay,” Keith soothed. Seeing Shiro like this always left him heartbroken. Normally he was in control, always on top of things, finishing assignments on time and handing in essays a week before they were due. But as soon as finals week loomed over them, Shiro broke down. It was like he forgot who he was, and was replaced by an over-caffeinated, sleep-deprived wisp of a person, face ashen except for the radish-colored flush plastered on his cheeks. If Keith didn’t know any better, he would have guessed that Shiro had been in a fight; the lack of sleep had given him the appearance of two black eyes.

“It’s okay,” Keith repeated. He’d been terrified when Shiro had nearly worked himself to the point of needing an emergency room trip during their first year of college, but this year he was a little more prepared. He knew now that all his roommate needed was someone to be there for him and make sure he was well taken care of. And Keith was going to try his absolute best to be that person.

“Just try to relax,” Keith told him, gently laying his hands on Shiro’s shoulders and doing his best to work away the tension that plagued him.

Shiro moaned again, happily this time. “That feels good.”

Keith smiled at him sadly. “You look pretty tired, buddy. I think a nap would do you some good.”

“No.” Shiro shook his head abruptly, brushing Keith off and reaching for his textbook again. “I gotta study.”

Keith slapped a hand down on the book to prevent Shiro from picking it up. “Come on, man. Look at yourself. You can hardly keep your head up, how on earth do you think you’re going to get any studying done?”

“I guess you’re right.”

The fact that he would admit to Keith being right was a telltale sign he really was feeling awful. Keith took his arm and led him to the couch, tucking him under a blanket and fluffing one of the throw pillows for him.

“You’re still shaking,” Keith frowned.

“M’head hurts,” was the mumbled reply he got.

“Alright, I’m going to get you a glass of water. That might help with your headache. And then I’m going to sit right here on this couch with you until you fall asleep.” Keith didn’t leave any time for Shiro to object before he left the room.

“Do we have any Tylenol?” Shiro asked after he’d downed a second glass of water.

“We do, but with all that caffeine you’ve been taking in, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. How much coffee have you had today?”

Shiro shrugged meekly. “I dunno. A lot.”

“Mmhm. I thought so. No wonder you’re all shaky.”

“Make it stop,” Shiro whined. He rolled over and buried his face in Keith’s leg.

“Go to sleep,” Keith ordered softly, resuming his efforts to loosen the taut muscles of Shiro’s back and shoulders.

Shiro tensed up even more at the massaging. “Stop that,” he groaned.

“What’s wrong?” Keith asked. “You loved this two minutes ago.”

Shiro did his best to explain the uncomfortable sensation in one sentence: “My skin hurts.”

“Your…skin hurts?” Keith echoed.

Shiro nodded.

“Can you tell me anything else about how you feel?”

“Um…tired? Sore? I have a headache. And a stomach ache. And I guess my throat hurts a little bit, too.”

Keith got more worried with every symptom added to the list. Surely this couldn’t all just be from overexertion. Keith had been staying up late to study as well, and while he was pretty exhausted, he was nowhere near as bad off as Shiro.

Shiro shivered when he felt Keith’s fingers brush against his forehead. “Your hands are cold.”

“You’re burning up.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You’ve definitely got a fever.”

Shiro pulled the blanket tighter around himself upon hearing the dreadful news.

“Are you cold?” Keith asked him.

“No,” Shiro said. “I’m too hot. Or am I too cold? I’m sorry, I can’t tell, I’m all sweaty and gross.” He felt Keith stand up next to him, and he reached weakly after his roommate. “Keith, where are you going? Come back.”

“I’ll be right back, don’t worry.”

A few moments later, he felt the dip of the couch cushions that meant Keith had returned.

“Now what are you doing?” Shiro asked as his shirt was pulled over his head, too tired to do anything but sit there and watch. He didn’t get an answer, just the blessedly cool feeling of a damp washcloth on his neck.

Keith continued to wipe him down, finishing by smoothing back his hair and placing a fresh cloth over his forehead.

“There,” Keith said, satisfied with his work. “How’s that?”

“Better.” Shiro snuggled blissfully back under his blanket.

“Do you think you can sleep now?”

“Don’t know. My throat is worse now.”

“Hm. I don’t think we have anything in the apartment that could help with that. But if it’s that bad, I could go pick you up some lozenges. Or maybe popsicles.”

“Popsicles sounds good.”

“Alright. What kind?”

“I like the blue ones,” Shiro said through a sheepish smile.

“Blue popsicles, coming right up. I’ll make a quick trip to the grocery store.”

Shiro caught Keith’s arm before he could leave. “You’ll be quick?”

“Ten minutes,” Keith promised.

The sound of Keith’s car engine was the last thing Shiro remembered before he fell asleep sprawled on the couch.

“Shiro, I’m home,” Keith called quietly, not wanting to wake him up if he was asleep. “I got your popsi—oh. I guess I left them in the car.”

“K-Keith?” Shiro sniffled from his spot on the couch.

“Shiro! What’s wrong?” Keith rushed to his side and wiped a few stray tears from his friend’s face.

“I-I’m late,” Shiro sobbed, “I m-missed my f-final exam. I gotta get to class right now. Right now, Keith, you gotta help me get to class.”

“Shiro, what the hell are you talking about?” Keith asked. “It’s Saturday, neither of us have classes on Saturday. And your first test isn’t until Monday.”

“No, you don’t understand. You don’t…you…you don’t…” Shiro’s eyes went wide, his breath hitching as he desperately tried to rid himself of the blanket. Keith had known him long enough to know that this was what happened when his anxieties got the best of him.

“I can’t…I can’t breathe,” Shiro wheezed, hands scrabbling at his bare chest, eyes darting around the room and finally locking onto Keith, who intervened before he could hyperventilate completely.

“Shh, it’s okay, Shiro. You’re okay. You can breathe, you’re fine. Just breathe. You’re okay, Shiro,” Keith said slowly, looking into Shiro’s dark, wild eyes. He delicately took Shiro’s hand and placed it over his chest, hoping that worry hadn’t made his heart beat too fast. “Focus on that, okay, buddy? Try and make yours match. Just breathe.”

“Make mine…match,” Shiro panted, gulping back tears.

“Yeah, there you go,” Keith offered a small smile. “Deep breaths. Do it with me. In, out. In, and out.”

Shiro followed his instructions, sucking in air and expelling it in heavy huffs.

“You’re okay,” Keith reminded.

“I’m okay,” Shiro nodded. “I’m okay.”

What little energy Shiro had left had been completely sapped by his narrowly avoided panic attack. He collapsed against Keith, sinking deeper into the couch. Part of him wondered if it might swallow them both whole. Another part debated whether or not he would mind that.

Keith stiffened when Shiro pressed closer to him. Not only was this Shiro trying to cuddle him, it was Shiro trying to cuddle him with dangerous waves of heat pouring from his body.

“Shit, okay, that fever is way worse,” Keith panicked. “Sit tight, I’m going to get the thermometer.” This got a whimper from Shiro, who anxiously awaited his return.

“Open up, Keith commanded. He slid the device under Shiro’s tongue.

While they waited, Keith allowed Shiro to snuggle up to him again. Keith held him, patted him, stroked his hair while Shiro whined softly, trying to mumble something through the thermometer.

Keith snatched it up the instant it beeped. Shiro, now free to speak, said, “Keith, will you take me to class? I need to get to class.”

“104.7! No wonder you’re so out of it. This isn’t good.”

“Keith, you need to drive me to class.”

“Yup,” Keith dragged Shiro to is feet, blanket and all, and shoved him towards the door. “I’ll take you. Let’s go.”

After buckling him safely into the passenger seat of the car, Keith ripped open the box of popsicles and stuffed one in Shiro’s hand.

“Here. It’s blue. Maybe it’ll help cool you down.” He started the engine and took no time speeding out of the driveway.

Shiro watched lazily as tree whizzed by, then some houses, and finally their campus. “We’re not going to class, are we?”

Keith sighed, glancing over at Shiro, whose lips had turned a neon blue from the popsicle. He would have found it comical if Shiro wasn’t so sick.

“No,” Keith said. “I’m taking you to the hospital, buddy. You’ve got a crazy high fever.”

Shiro, dazed as he was, seemed to sense that something was off in Keith’s voice. “Keith?” he slurred.

“Yeah?”

“It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.”

“And Keith?”

“What is it?”

“Thanks for lookin’ out for me.”

Keith gave him a tight-lipped smile. “You got it, buddy. But please, next time finals roll around, promise me you’ll take better care of yourself?”

“I’ll try.”

[webcricket]

Don’t Let It Bring You Down

Characters: Hinted CastielXReader, Bobby Singer, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester

Word Count: 3248

A/N: One-shot written for @writingthingsisdifficult / Syn’s Monster Challenge / monster #12, the Utbard (ghost of a child who died a violent death in the forest – forces you to carry it on your back, demanding to be taken to the nearest graveyard – it gets heavier with each step you take, driving you into the ground until you die of exhaustion). Story is set during the end of season 6, after Castiel’s betrayal of the Winchesters, but before he breaks Sam’s Lucifer wall down and goes all Godstiel.

The Beginning of the End

Bobby Singer considered himself a proud man. Wringing a well-worn navy trucker’s hat between gnarled fingers, eyes rimmed red and wet, he studied the pallid body laid out on the couch in his study – barely recognizable as the vivacious and lively hunter he’d mentored in recent months.

Chest raggedly rising and falling, breath shallow and rattling – each gasp this last half an hour sounded as though it might very well be your last. Bobby believed anyone else would have succumbed hours ago, but you stubbornly fought on - obstinately clinging to life in the belief your friends would find a way to save you. A spasm racked your body, followed by a long stillness before your labored respirations resumed.

The seizure triggered a harsh sniffle from the nose of the old hunter. He’d give anything to be in your place. He’d been the one to send you out into the woods alone chasing a werewolf while he was too busy aiding the Winchesters with their angelic woes to do it himself. Focus drifting up to the red warding sigils he’d ineffectively painted on the glass panes of the window, Bobby Singer downed a shot of whisky direct from the bottle and decided he wasn’t too proud a man to beg. “Castiel, if you’re listening, we need your help. It’s life or death. If you…”

“I’m here.” The familiar faint flutter of angelic feathers filled the air. Castiel strode forward, suspiciously scanning the room, distrusting the motives of his so-called friends after the incident with the holy fire. “Where are Sam and Dean?”

“They ain’t here.” Bobby spun on the trench coat clad seraph, failing to fully quell the flare of heated anger in his voice. The knowledge that Cas deceived them about Crowley’s death, that he’d gone so far as to spy on them, and was working with the demon to open purgatory the whole time despite the dangers was difficult to overlook, let alone understand, never mind forgive. Bobby paused, sucking in a sharp breath, reminding himself of the dire circumstances – reminding himself that now was not the time to be selfish – he had plenty of time to go wandering down that road, you did not. “And if they knew I was even thinking of calling you I’d be more like to be bound, gagged, and knocked on the noggin’ than standing upright.”

The angel’s blue eyes narrowed, jaw setting irascibly - he did not have the patience for games. “What do you want?”

“Like I said, your help.” Bobby stepped aside, gesturing toward your lifeless form. “Don’t look so surprised. It don’t make me happy, but I’ve got enough regrets and no more options. I’ll be damned what Sam and Dean say. I’m willing to swallow my pride if there’s a chance you can save her. She’s dyin’ and I know it ain’t her time.”

Castiel’s cool regard shifted from the aged hunter to rest upon you.

Bobby impatiently threw his hands up in the air, smashing the wadded hat cock-eyed onto his head. “You gonna make me say please?”

The angel stirred, rolling his eyes, crossing the room to hunch over the couch to examine you. Though the light of your soul faded with each beleaguered breath, Castiel clearly saw your innocence - trapped by circumstances outside your control. He understood his present predicament with the Winchesters and the old hunter could hold no bearing on his decision to help you. He placed a rough palm to your forehead, immediately sensing his inability to heal you in your present state. Nonetheless, he tried - squinting in confusion when his grace dissipated into the space around you, failing to do anything at all. “Tell me what happened.”

Bobby peered over the angel’s shoulder. “Closest we can guess is a kind of ghost sickness. She called for help yesterday, and we found her like this, collapsed. Knees sunk in the ground and half-buried.”

Cas removed his hand from your clammy skin. “Where?”

“By her car.” Bobby frowned at the obvious lack of healing success.

The angel straightened up, pivoting to sternly contemplate the hunter, seeking greater clarity. “No. Where?”

“Near a Potter’s field.” Bobby rolled his shoulders, turning away from the icy scrutiny of the angel to pour a shot of whisky into a glass.

“A graveyard?” Cas spoke with urgency, attempting to winnow down the potential causes of your plight.

Bobby held the glass to his lips and hesitated. “Yeah, is that important?”

The angel’s blue eyes again drifted to your limp figure. “When she called. What did she say?”

Want of alcohol forgotten in a glimmer of hopefulness, the hunter clanked the glass to the desk. “She said she got ambushed trying to help some kid.”

Cas’ tone edged in frustration at the hunter’s lack of specificity – the conventions of human speech patterns forever a tedious navigational task. “I need to know the exact words.”

“She said she couldn’t get him off her back.” Bobby offered. “Only Sam and Dean couldn’t find signs of anyone else out there.”

“What else?” The angel practically growled as he observed the dimming flicker of your soul.

“That she needed them to help her bury him. Something about being too heavy to carry.” Bobby’s speech rose to match the angel’s irritated tone. “They’ve been out all day retracing her steps. There ain’t no one or nothin’ out there to bury!”

Cas did not allow the hunter to see the sadness soften his aspect when he recognized what ailed you. The angel experienced a shared sympathy – both of you having tried to do the right thing only to be weighed down by the consequences of the wrong choice, unable to escape it no matter where you turned or who you trusted. “You should have called sooner.”

“You ain’t exactly on speed dial these days.” Bobby grabbed his briefly neglected glass and emptied it.

“It may be too late. But her will to live…she’s stronger than she appears.” The angel crouched, weaving his arms beneath your body. With a grunt incongruous to the enormity of his angelic strength, he lifted you into his arms, laying your head against his chest.

“What is it?” Bobby pressed a hand to his shoulder, hindering the angel’s planned flight.

“Utbard.” Cas strained to speak, knees threatening to buckle under an unobservable burden. “Call Sam and Dean. Tell them to get out of there. If I cannot save her, they risk suffering the same fate.”

Bobby stood motionless, mouth gaping.

“Now!” Cas commanded through gritted teeth, beads of sweat surfacing across his furrowed brow.

The hunter jumped, hand slipping from the angel’s shoulder as he fumbled at the buttons of his phone. “Where are you taking her?”

“To bury him.” Frame trembling in exertion, Castiel collapsed to one knee and vanished.

The Beginning

You hated the woods. You hated running through the woods. You hated fucking werewolves running through the fucking woods. Yet another unseen twig whipped across your face, leaving a raised red welt in its wake. “Dammit!” You stopped, stomping your foot. An involuntary tear rolled down your cheek, salt stinging the freshly abraded skin. A growl a few feet ahead drew your ire. Raising your gun, steadying the grip, you squeezed the trigger – a panged yelp indicated the silver bullet found its mark. You approached the naked man cautiously, nudging his side with your foot to roll him over. The fact that he’d transformed from wolf to man told you he was dead, or at least grievously injured. But experience and a certain curmudgeonly old hunter taught you to never fully trust monsters to act as expected. Squatting over the body, his skin illuminated milky white in the full moon, blood oozing black, you inspected the bullet wound through the heart and chided the lifeless being. “You couldn’t decide to face me like 3 or 4 miles ago and save a needless romp through the woods, could you? Fucking werewolves.” At least you didn’t have to bury him way the hell out here in the middle of no-man’s land - nature would take care of the clean-up for you. Not that you would have tromped the 3 or 4 miles back to your car for a shovel anyway.

A thin voice drifted through the night air, caressing your ears.

“Hello?” You called out into the dense trees in the general direction of the sound.

“Mom? Mommy?” It was a child’s voice.

The frightened intonation tugged at the strings of your heart - no wonder the werewolf ran - he was keeping fresh meat out here. “Fucking werewolves.” You muttered again before shouting. “It’s okay, you’re safe now. Tell me where you are.”

“Help, please.” The voice answered, desperate.

“Yes, I’m here. Where are you?” Always wary of trickery, you held out your gun defensively as you entered the dense thicket.

“The river. The water. It’s so cold. Please, please, help me.” The melancholy voice mixed with the gentle murmur of moving water beyond the trees.

Emerging onto a steep muddy embankment in the bright glow of the moon, you saw a small huddled figure by the shore below. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Tucking the gun into your jeans, you knelt down, reaching for the child. “I’ll take you home.”

The tiny figure hissed when you touched it, swiftly using your offered limb as leverage to clamber up the bank, alighting upon your back. Sinewy arms wrapped firmly about your neck, stealing your breath.

Falling backward, you clawed at your neck, unable to break the death grip.

“Help me, please.” The voice persisted in your ear, sickly sweet. “Mommy left me. Left me under the water.”

You made choked gasps in reply, gripped by pure terror, helpless in its clutches. The white moonlight darkened. The night going pitch black.

The End of the Beginning

You awoke face down in sticky red clay mud. Scrambling to your feet, fingers reflexively palpated the bruising of your neck, thanking no one in particular that somehow you lived. The little boy, the thing, whatever it was, must have left you after it thought you dead. Mind racing with possibilities, you plunged into the thicket, feet pounding almost soundlessly on the leaf strewn dewy forest floor. After only a couple hundred yards, you doubled over panting, calves and thighs burning. Frantically glancing around to determine if you’d been followed, quivering fingers retrieved the phone in your pocket. “Come on, come on.” You willed there to be a signal out here - one bar. Whatever this thing was required the most serious kind of backup you could muster. And since you knew they were in town working some big case with Bobby, you called Sam and Dean Winchester.

“Hey, sweetheart! Long time no see!” Dean’s jovial voice boomed over the speaker.

“Dean, I was ambushed. I need help. There’s a kid.” You pressed your lips to the phone, not wasting precious time on niceties.

“Where are you?” The elder Winchester’s tone dropped, leaden with concern.

“Woods, off I-29, Dell Rapids. North of Bobby’s. I…” A cold pressure squeezed your shoulders, icy breath brushing your ear. An immense weight on your back driving you groaning to your knees.

“Hey, Y/N. We got you. Hold on, we’re on our way.” Sam’s voice reassured you from the speaker. “Y/N?”

“Help me, or die.” The child’s voice whispered gravely. “I’m so tired. So, so tired. Put me to sleep in the hallowed ground.”

“Oh my God, Sam, Dean. He’s on me, right on my back.” You pushed to your feet, stumbling a few steps before again sinking to your knees. “I can’t get away. So heavy, too heavy. Need to bury him. Please, hurry!” Your heart sank, realizing the signal was lost when the phone beeped. Veins surging with renewed adrenaline-fueled strength, you lurched forward - the momentum carrying you to your feet, careening through the woods as fast as your aching legs would carry you.

The Middle

Being resourceful, diligent, overly protective, and somewhat paranoid hunters, Sam and Dean low-jacked the GPS on your phone months ago when you met up with the brothers for dinner at Bobby Singer’s place.

If you’d been conscious when they used it to locate you, finding you half-buried in the dirt road beside your car twenty paces from an old graveyard, you’d have been equals parts pissed and grateful. Being unconscious, however, you had nothing to offer in the way of comments regarding the matter, let alone the power to tell the brothers you were mere feet from salvation and though well-meaning in intention, they now dragged you off to certain death.

With combined effort and a good bit of worried bickering about your current state, the brothers managed to hoist you into the Impala and drive to Bobby’s place. It required all three men to move you from the backseat to the couch in Bobby’s study.

“I know none of us is getting any younger, but what the hell?” Dean huffed, stepping away from the couch to clutch at his spasming lower back. “It’s like she’s filled with lead. That’s not normal.”

Sam stooped to gingerly settle your arms by your sides, holding the back of his hand to your forehead before tucking you beneath a few blankets to preserve warmth. He stood, brow fretfully lined. “Guys, she’s cold as death.”

The three men exchanged wordless apprehensive glances.

Bobby’s expression screwed up, mouth twisting in contemplation of seeking heavenly intervention.

Dean’s glittering jewel green eyes tapered to focus warningly on the old hunter, anticipating his thought because he also had the same first instinct. “Bobby, no. I know what you’re thinking, and don’t. We’ve already got red in the ledger on that account.”

“Yeah, we got this.” Sam knew what his brother and Bobby were considering. They couldn’t ask Castiel for assistance, not after everything that had gone down and was actively going down with Crowley and purgatory.

“What kind of a shmuck do you boys think I am?” Bobby groused, disappearing into the hall, returning a moment later with an armful of dusty books to drop on the desk. “You idjits get back out there. You said she said something wanted burying, so find it! Salt and burn it for good measure. I’ll see what I can suss up in the literature.” Bobby plopped heavily into his chair, shooing the boys out. “Get!”

“Call if you find anything.” Sam followed his brother out the door.

Bobby grumbled mockingly, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Call if you find anything. Like I wouldn’t call. Idjits.”

Of course, you and the wrathful creature clinging to your weakening body both understood there would be nothing in the woods for Sam and Dean to discover save the crow-picked maggot-infested corpse of a recently slain werewolf. The Utbard’s flesh and bones melted, bleached and washed down stream long ago to be chewed to unsalvageable bits by scavengers, leaving behind only a spiteful unsettled spirit to wait upon the shore where his mother drowned him long ago, having given birth out of wedlock - loving her reputation more than she loved her own flesh and blood.

The End

Castiel crash landed just outside the gates of the Potter’s field. He cushioned you as well as he could with his body, both of you crumpling into a heap of tan cloth and tangled limbs the instant his feet touched ground. In the infinitesimal period of time which passed between Bobby’s study and teleportation to the graveyard, you’d ceased to breath. He leaned to hover a stubbly cheek over your parted lips. The faintest hint of warmth caressed his skin, instilling him with the vigor to carry on. Unable to lift you in his arms again, he began to drag you with great effort across the mossy soil. “I am sorry about this.” Reaching the edge of a freshly dug plot, his features knitted sorrowfully as he rolled your lifeless body into the earth. Gaze lifting, he warningly eyed the reaper cautiously approaching from the edge of the graveyard.

Recognizing the fallen angel as a potential complication to completing the task at hand, the reaper halted, peering up at the starlit sky to call for backup.

Cas grabbed a shovel, heaving moist soil to cover your body, quickly burying you beneath a mound of dirt.

“Castiel, we do not wish trouble with you.” The reaper stood squarely across from the angel, three of his associates standing as backup beyond. “This human’s soul is none of your concern.”

Cas grumbled, tossing the shovel aside, staring expectantly into the grave. “Isn’t it?”

“If you insist on interfering…” The reaper trailed off, feeling a child’s hand tightly grasp his own, noting the subtle swirling of dirt within the grave - filthy fingers suddenly jutting upward to grasp desperately at the air above.

“You were saying?” Castiel’s expression grew smug, eyes flashing to the vacant space the reaper had occupied. The angel knelt, plunging his hands into the loose earth to yank you blind, coughing and sputtering from the grave. Easing you to sit upright against a marker stone, he tenderly wiped the mud-caked hair from your face, settling a palm over your stinging eyes.

Tingling warmth surged throughout your body, delicate tendrils of angelic grace soothing your muscles, restoring your strength, clearing your eyes and lungs, healing even the most miniscule scrapes, bumps, and bruises. The gentle hand fell, and opening your eyes, you found kind sky blue ones sparkling curiously back at you.

“He’s gone.” The man’s voice rumbled softly. “And he won’t hurt anyone else.”

Tongue bobbing thick in your mouth, your throat cracked dryly, hand reflexively rising to pat his chest. “Thank you.”

He nodded, the smallest of smiles playing at the corner of his mouth.

“I’m Y/N.” You reflected and amplified his smile.

“Y/N.” He hummed, realizing he hadn’t learned your name until now. “I’m…” He faltered, the all-to familiar sound of the Impala’s tires on the gravel road disturbing the quiet evening air. His aspect glazed resignedly, chin dropping to his chest when the sweep of headlights signaled the car had turned into the cemetery gate. His eyes, churning with regret, rose to meet yours. “I’m certain your friends will explain everything.”

When you blinked, he was gone.

“Y/N! Dean, she’s here!” Sam jogged up to your side, bending to squeeze your shoulder. “You okay? What the hell happened?”

You steadily regarded the unoccupied ground in front of you. “I-I’m not sure. There was a man, he saved me.”

“What are you talking about?” Sam quirked an eyebrow.

“He had the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen.” You turned to the younger Winchester, pointing at the ground for emphasis. “He was just there, and then not.”

“Castiel.” Sam muttered under his breath, smacking the grave stone with his fist. “Dammit Bobby.”

“Castiel.” You tried the name on your tongue.

“What about Castiel?” Dean ambled up behind Sam, tone menacing.

“He saved me. Who is he?” You implored.

“Dangerous.” Dean grumbled darkly. “And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away from him and any other angels that cross your path.”

“Come on.” Sam wound an arm around your waist, raising you to your feet and guiding you toward the waiting Impala. “Let’s get out of here.”

Dean crossed his arms, lips curling into a scowl, affect seething with anger – his limited human perception not discerning the dejected angel sulking just beyond the grave marker.

[unashamed-shipper]

Living With You

read on ff.net and ao3

one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight

tags: @beaxnalu, @ftfanfics

rating: t+ for sexual joking, swear words, and mild smut later on

pairings: nalu, gajevy, gruvia

characters: natsu, lucy, gajeel, levy, gray, juvia

summary: Finding herself thrown out and drunk after a party wasn’t the way Lucy expected her night to go. After blacking out and waking up in a room with three men, she has a decision to make: will she stay or will she go? Loosely based on New Girl. Roommates!AU

When Lucy awoke, she was being carried by Natsu into his truck where he would take her home. She wasn’t sure if she had been passed out for minutes or hours, but by the looks on the faces of the rest of the women in the room, Lucy had been out for a while.  Thankfully she had sobered up by the time Natsu got there to the point that she remembered that she had realized her feelings for him.

It seemed like things really could get worse than she thought they could.

“Luce,” he said, and she looked up. “We’re getting you insurance tomorrow so you can go see a psychiatrist.”

His eyes were firm but his tone was gentle, and she noticed that his red hoodie pressed against his muscles quite nicely. Lucy’s pulse quickened, and she fought a flush. Wow, he really had her hooked.

As he buckled her into the car, the warmth of his skin comforted her. Her anxiety that she had before dissipated; Natsu was here now and there was nothing to fear. She felt safe while his pine cologne infused with the air, and she had driven with him before. Lucy was going to be okay.

“You wanna stop for food on the way back?” Natsu asked, throwing his arm over the back of the seat so then he could back out of the driveway. Lucy wished for a moment that his arm would sling around her instead, but shook the stray thought away.

“Sure, that sounds good,” Lucy said as she felt her stomach rumble for the first time in a while. No food in her stomach could make her anxiety spike. Sometimes she had anxiety with just how hungry she was after not eating for hours while she wrote.

“Great, cause I’m starving! Fast food breakfast sound good enough to you? They got the good stuff in the morning,” Natsu said with a grin that brought a shock to Lucy’s brain.

“Whatever you want,” she said, and Natsu looked at her strangely but shook it off and began to drive to the fast food joint.

Once there, Natsu ordered six breakfast sandwiches and three hashbrown patties and one apple pie accompanied by four glasses of orange juice before turning to Lucy and asking what she wanted. Sheepishly she stepped up and ordered her meal and made a beeline for the table.

The woman called their number and told them to have a nice day before staring at Natsu like he was an idiot for buying so much food. But the man took his food without a care and walked over to Lucy and began wolfing down his food like he hadn’t eaten in years.

“So what happened after I passed out?” Lucy asked while sipping her own orange juice. Natsu chomped down the rest of his fourth breakfast sandwich before replying.

“Well,” he said, taking a bite of hashbrows and wiping his mouth of the grease, “Levy called me an’ I picked up and told her that I wasn’t Iron Brains, so there was no sense in talking to me.”

Lucy chuckled at his quip, and listened for him to continue.

“I just clocked off work when she told me that you passed out, so I beat cheeks over here so I could take care of you,” Natsu took a sip of one of his orange juices and then his milkshake he ordered after all the rest of his food.

Lucy’s eyes widened at his kindness. He drove all the way from Crocus just to take care of her anxiety attack?

“T-Thank you, Natsu,” she said softly, peering down at her breakfast sandwich.

“Naw, it was nothin. I would do anything for a friend!”

Friend. The word rang in her ears, and Lucy’s eyes almost filled up with tears. That’s all she would ever be to him. Just someone like Gray or Levy or Gajeel. A close friend.

She couldn’t bear thinking of him with someone else. It hurt her heart and soul to know that maybe he had dated or loved other people in his life.

Lucy’s stomach turned sour and her blood ran cold. “I’m not hungry anymore.”

“What? Are you oka--”

“I said I’m not hungry, okay?” Lucy snapped, and Natsu’s eyes flicked to hers quickly.

“O-Okay, Luce. Let’s go home,” he said, grabbing his hoodie he had taken off during their jaunt in the restaurant.

The ride home was silent. Lucy’s arms were folded across her chest and she looked out the window. It was raining.

Apparently things could get even worse.

As soon as they arrived home, Lucy practically jumped out of the car and bolted into the apartment to take a shower. She wanted to cleanse herself of these feelings. She hated them. She hated him!

Lucy growled as she scrubbed away the makeup off her face and the grime off her hair, making sure to wash any scent of Natsu off of her. She would smell like lilacs and peonies now. Nothing like Natsu who friend-zoned her.

When out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around her head and another around her body, beginning to start the short walk to her room where she would towel off and give herself a spa day. She needed it after everything that happened.

As soon as her walk started, it ended. She walked into a wall that she hadn’t seen before and fell over screaming. She didn’t want to knock out again, especially in a damn towel!

“Why are you naked?” Natsu yelled, and she realized something.

He was underneath her. And her towel had dropped.

Lucy screamed louder than she ever had in her life, her vocal cords beginning to ache. Natsu sat up and rubbed his head and then stared at her.

Well he certainly didn’t expect her to be that...pink.

“Don’t look at me, you perv!” Lucy screamed, covering her body with her hands and arms And soon his ogling was over when he felt a kick to the face, knocking him out.

Lucy ran to her room with a flushed face after picking up her towel, her heart rate picking up faster than it had been in a while. She threw herself on her bed with a groan, annoyed that she had to run into her freaking crush like that.

Great, now he would never want to date her.

“You two are amazingly quiet,” Gray commented at dinner as Natsu and Lucy looked anywhere but each other. It was humorous at what lengths they would use to avoid each other’s gazes. Lucy looked beyond Natsu’s head at the coo-coo clock. Natsu looked at Gray’s face with an angry stare but said nothing.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they bange--” Gajeel began, but Lucy’s face turned red. Natsu’s tinged pink, and they continued their anti-eyetag.

“D-Don’t say another word!” Lucy said as she slurped down the rest of her clam chowder and practically threw her dishes in the sink and headed to her room, slamming the door with a bang.

“Well. Looks like you’re doing the dishes tonight, Salamander. I don’t think Blondie’s gonna be coming out of her room anytime soon,” Gajeel said as he looked at Natsu evenly.

“Yeah, sure,” Natsu said quietly before rinsing out his dishes and leaving them in the sink before resuming the game he was currently playing.

Anything to get his mind of Lucy.

It was torturing him. He’d only seen a girl’s body once before, and he had been seven when he had accidentally walked in on his little cousin Wendy changing. He hadn’t looked for half a second before closing the door and running off with a yell of ‘Gross!’

But Lucy’s body was definitely not gross. It was beautiful. He was entranced by her, but he definitely didn’t want to take advantage. In fact, he wanted to forget it ever happened. Lucy was his friend!

Did he really just want to be friends with her, or did he want something more? Natsu wasn’t as hot-blooded as the other two guys in their apartment, but they didn’t seem as interested in Lucy as he was. They saw her more as a friend. And Natsu wanted to see her like that too, but it was so hard now that he had seen, well, all of her!

He shook the image from his mind and continued along with the game for a few hours before doing the dishes and heading to bed. Changing into his pajamas quickly, he got under the covers and tasted her name once more on his tongue.

“Lucy.”

Lucy awoke quickly in the morning, showering and getting dressed in the bathroom just in case the fiasco from yesterday happened again. From now on, she was changing in the bathroom only. She hoped that he had enough common sense not to bother her there…

She found Natsu making eggs for her in the kitchen, and the both of them sat quietly eating their breakfasts.

“Nice day,” Natsu said, looking outside.

“Yes.”

“You mind if I play my game after I eat?”

“No, go ahead. I was going to write a little while before going to work,” Lucy said, rinsing off her dishes this time and placing them in the sink for her to do later. It was her night to do dishes, and she felt bad for not doing them the night before.

Lucy outlined and wrote half the chapter of her continuing story before she heard her alarm go off, reminding her that it was twenty minutes before it was time to go. Lucy headed to the bathroom and brushed her teeth, combed her hair once more, and applied a little makeup before saying goodbye to Natsu and heading out the door.

Natsu realized that she had forgotten her lunch once again, and he made a mental note to bring it to her later. Hopefully they would have a better conversation than they had this morning.

As Natsu completed the game and turned on the next one, the start of the intro reminded him of Lucy. It was a story about a princess that was trapped by an evil creature, and a knight of sorts that was supposed to save her. The only thing that the knight had, however, was a love for smashing pots and finding boulders that would roll after him to crush him. He played the game with fervour, and the princess quite reminded him of Lucy herself.

When he finished up the first part of the game he realized that he hadn’t taken a shower of his own this morning, and that he would probably have to before he went to bring Lucy her lunch. He jumped into the shower and bathed himself clean before changing into clean clothes. He made her a sandwich and some soup for her lunch and hoped that she would like it. Natsu wasn’t as much of a cook as Gajeel or Lucy was, but he still enjoyed cooking every now and again.

Especially when it was for someone he cared for.

Natsu shook the thought away, slapping himself gently a few times to try to train his brain not to think of these thoughts. He had one broken engagement before, and he was afraid that this would lead to that again. Not that he really thought of marrying Lucy. Well, at least not yet…

The thought alone of being engaged scared him a bit, so he jumped in his car and turned up the music to clear his thoughts on his way to Lucy’s shop. Natsu wanted to be rid of these horrible thoughts before he made it.

Once there, he hopped out of his truck, lunch in hand and smiled as he walked in.

Lucy grinned as she spotted him, and she helped another customer with a smile before receiving her lunch from him.

“Thank you, Natsu. I knew I was forgetting something when I left this morning!” she giggled, and the tinkling sound sounded perfect to his ears.

She was perfect.

And he was not.

“Is Natsu here for Lucy? Why don’t Natsu and Lucy go out to eat in the courtyard? It is where all the couples go. Juvia hopes to go one day with her Gray-sama,” Juvia said, clasping her hands together and looking up in the air with a blissful look on her face.

“Uh, no, Juvia. That’s okay. Natsu was just leaving. He doesn’t want to go to the courtyard with me. Right, Natsu?” Lucy asked as she took a bite of her sandwich and stared into his eyes.

Natsu turned and looked at the courtyard outside the window. It was beautiful outside for fall, and there were a few leaves still dangling off the trees of different autumn colors. The sun shone lightly, and it was the perfect temperature. It seemed like the perfect spot and time for a date.

But, he realized as he looked at her smiling and talking with Juvia as she ate her sandwich, she didn’t want that. She didn’t like him like he liked her. And she never would. Who would like him after what he did?

“No, I was just leaving. See ya,” he said with a forced smile and a hand raised in the air as a goodbye.

Lucy and Juvia waved back to him before beginning to animatedly talk again, Juvia about Gray and Lucy about how good the sandwich was.

But as Natsu’s back turned, Lucy looked back on him in hope. She really wanted to go to the courtyard with him. He didn’t want to go with her, and that was that. He just wanted to go get some more sleep before his night shift and was just being nice by dropping off her lunch.

Because who could love her after what Dan did to her? 

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment in the tags if you liked! 

Next chapter will be out on 2/7 <3

>>>Chapter 9>>>

[donaldresslerfanfic]

Packing.

Rating: M

Warnings: Strong Language, Sexual Content.

Word Count: 3514

Donald Ressler X OC Maggie Waters.

Chapter: Sixty-Eight

Chapter Index

Story on Wattpad

Maggie.

"... 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 pairs of shoes" I gave Don a little look, then turned on my heels, and began pointing at my shoe rack, I quietly counted them one by one and when I got near the end I counted aloud "... 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14"

"See? I'm don't have more shoes than you do" he said resuming the clean up of his side of the closet.

"Yeah, barely, and you bought me those two last ones on purpose yesterday" I walked around him and resumed cleaning my side as well.

"I had to buy them to you, you bought me a new suit"

"I bought you a suit because I love you, not because I wanted you to buy me something in return"

"You just want to get rid of me and get me back to work"

"Yeah, that too" I joked. I didn't looked at him when he walked to me and moved his hand quickly to my ribs to playfully squeeze them, I chuckled and buckled in my spot as he walked past me and into our bedroom.

I did saw him place his hands in his hips as he looked down at Alma in her little rocker.

"And you? Do you want me out of the house as well?"

Alma had grown so much in the time that it took us to buy the new house, sell this one, pack, have everything ready, unpack at the new place. Today we were taking the last remaining things of this house, like out clothes, various knick knacks, some books, some of my office things, and the last bit of kitchen utensils we'd left to cook here whilst we were still living here.

I couldn't believe she was a month old already. One day like today, on June 2nd she'd been born, and it had changed our lives forever. I knew it would change me, I was expecting the change, but Donald... He had become the best version of himself I'd seen thus far, he was just... The greatest father I'd seen.

I saw him get on his knees in front of Alma's rocker and playfully bounced the toys she had over her head, she looked up at them with the only thing she'd gotten from me, my eyes, and her lips formed into the cutest smile I'd seen, she bounced her legs up and down as the toys made noise, I heard Don chuckle and stand up.

"I'm going to get the luggage bags from the other room, I'll be right back"

I nodded as I took the remaining clothes from my rack and hauled them outside just in time for Don to get the luggage and open it for me, I dumped the clothes carelessly and got back in the closet.

"If you don't lay them neatly, you're not going to fit any more"

"I don't care if they fit neatly I'm going to get them out in an hour"

"That's not the point" I leaned out of the closet to look at him "the point is, you're not going to fit more clothes and we'll have to get another bag" he motioned at the mess of clothes above the open luggage. I looked at him again and shrugged one shoulder.

"We'll get another one" I resolved, then took another stash of clothes in my arms, walked to the luggage and dumped it all on the other pile, when he saw me do that he gave me a look as if he could kill me. "It all fits in there"

"It doesn't" he fought back

"Yeah it does, wanna bet?"

Don instantly extended his hand to me, he would take me on bets about anything.

"I bet you all the money that's in my wallet you can't fit all your clothes in the luggage"

"Deal" I shook his hand and got to work. Of course I didn't tidy anything because then he would be right, so I went for the strategy of closing the bag and try and squeeze the clothes in as I moved the zipper along the side to close it. Don laughed at me when he saw what I was doing, practically squashing the bag with my body and trying to close it.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just tidy the clothes like I told you?"

"I bought this bag when I was 20, I've been in so many trips with it, you can't even imagine, so I know how much this fits" I gave the zipper one strong tug forward, I didn't expect my arm to launch itself forward and the zipper to end up broken in my hand, I looked at it and looked up at Don.

"Good job" he sarcastically praised. "I'm going to get the other bag"

I threw the zipper on the floor, now angry because I knew I had at least 600 dollars in my wallet. Don walked in on me angrily pouting at myself and gave me another laugh.

"Let's turn that frown upside down" he said while touching the frown I between my eyebrows, I immediately smiled because that was something I told him quite often. "And finish with these things as soon as possible, the move out had been unnecessarily long"

I nodded in agreement because I had taken the time either throw away or give stuff to charity in the middle of packing, to know what I was going to take and what I didn't need. Once we were all packed up in the car I gave the house one last look, Don hadn't showed any sympathy or nostalgia for leaving the house where we'd had so many things happen to us, but I kind of did.

"Maggie" I called me from the driver's seat, I quietly entered the car and got my seatbelt on as he began driving.

"We've spent so much time in that house, I'm gonna miss it"

"I'm not, we've gotten attacked in there, remember the blizzard that got us trapped inside? And when it rained the back garden didn't absorb the rain because of the soil and it always left behind so much water I looked and smelled like a swamp?"

"Yeah I know, it had it's things. But, it's the first place we brought Alma to"

He scoffed "I'm taking my baby to many other places, I'm not going to be nostalgic about all of them"

I didn't feel like I needed to continue that conversation, so I quietly enjoyed the ride to our new place. I started to make a list of things I needed to do when I got home, but was interrupted by my phone ringing in my hand, it was a message from my sister, apologizing for not being available to help us move, blaming her husband for being so useless and not being able to take care of the kids by himself. I quickly texted her back that it was no big deal and that we could have them home once we finished with the move.

My mind quickly occupied with the things that were currently happening to my sister, she wasn't getting along with Ethan, they fought for just about everything, she complained about having no time for herself and Ethan having all the time in the world to do socials. Ethan wasn't trying to save the marriage anymore because... Well... My sister had cheated.

I had been cheated on before and I always had this stance of leaving the person who'd cheated on me, but I didn't know if I could if Don did it, and that was a problem.

"Would you forgive me if I ever cheated on you?" I asked him, I saw his face morph to surprise at my question, then he frowned in confusion, he gave me a quick look and stopped when we reached a red light.

"I think it depends" it was my time to frown in confusion.

"Depends on what?" He started the car again and explained as we drove.

"Well, if you cheated on me because you were mad at me and wanted to get revenge, I don't think I could, but if you made a mistake and still love me and still want to make this work out I think I would. And if you don't love me anymore... That happens too, people fall out of love and if you found someone else who shakes your world then... I guess it's my loss. I hope this is a hypothetical question."

"Of course it's a hypothetical question"

"Why even ask it?"

"Because..." I debated for a second to even let him in on the marital problems my sister was having because deep down I knew that he didn't care about them. "I don't think you even care about this, but my sister is certain that Ethan cheated on her with one of her the girls from your bachelor party"

He gave me a disapproving twist of his lips

"I am certain he didn't"

"I am too, but she saw the pictures and she just spiraled out of control, and my sister-"

"Wanted to get revenge" he finished for me.

"Well, not exactly-"

"Maggie..." He began, but stopped himself, shook his head and dismissed me "nevermind"

"I don't like it when you do that"

"And I don't like to fight you or bad-mouth your sister"

"You-" Don stopped right at the entrance of our new neighborhood and took out his documentation, the entrance had an access to owners but it required a device to be put in our cars to make the barrier go up, and since we had just moved, we didn't have it yet, do we had to go through this process for a little while until we got that one sorted out.

He finished and slowly drove into the streets towards our new house.

"You can voice your opinions on my sister" I continued "and I'll take them with a grain of salt"

"I doubt it, cupcake, she's your sister, I think that you're always going to be on her side"

"You thought wrong, I know that my sister has her faults, and you're an agent, I would like to think that you can take note of people's personalities and get an impression very quickly and I'd like to hear it."

"I can, and I have, with your sister, I know what kind of person she is and... I hate to break it to you love but your sister is one of those kinds of people who can't see other people happy, they just have to bring down the mood and make everyone just miserable, and you feel bad, I understand, but that's what your sister does"

I reflected a little bit in Don's words, and I began to remember all the times my sister had had that kind of behavior, I quickly realized that it'd been too many times.

"She does" I said after a while, he gave me a little apologizing twist of his lips and parked in the driveway of our new home. "What do you think I should do?"

We staid sitting in the car after he killed the engine.

"I know that you will try to help you sister with whatever she needs, but I think that as soon as she starts complaining about her problems you should tell her that she needs to work them out with the person with whom she has them with, because complaining about them isn't going to solve anything" I nodded at him thoughtfully "you can't deal with everyone's problems and neither should you"

I gave him a little bit of a bitter chuckle.

"I've been dealing with my family's problems for years"

"Well... Your family currently in this car" he motioned at him and Alma "and you only have to deal with our problems... No wait, scratch that, I don't want you to deal with my problems" he redacted, but I smiled and leaned in to hug him by the shoulders and kiss him.

"Can't take it back now" I kissed him again and pulled back "I liked that therapy session agent Keen Jr, how about we never do that again?"

He chuckled against my lips and kissed me again.

"Yeah, sounds like something I would say" he patted my thigh and I moved away from him, the both of us exited the car and proceeded to take the remaining things out of it. The rest of the evening we spent it clearing the bedroom, which was to me the most important part of the house, having the bedroom cleaned gave Don and I a little sense of order and overall cleanliness, the both of us heated to go to bed with the bedroom made a mess.

I was stacking the shirts in the huge walk-in closet that we had now when Don walked in.

"Can I borrow you for a second?"

I nodded at him and left the shirts in the dresser, I followed him to the other side of the long hallway, past Alma's room, one bathroom, my office, and then the last room. He opened the door at pointed at the lone desk sitting in the middle of the room.

"Why's that there?"

"Oh, well, this is the job I told you about" I walked past him and inspected the desk "the last drawer has a switch and a fingerprint scanner to access a secret compartment." I opened the drawer and showed him the inside "see? It's hollow and normal, but when it's closed you have to input the fingerprint and there's an automated system to move a compartment where the drawer is, and you can store stuff in it. It's embedded in the floor and part of the desk, that's why they couldn't take it"

"Wow, that's pretty clever"

"Yeah, thanks" I said with a smile "we can input yours later"

"Maybe" he shrugged nonchalantly and began to walk out of the room "I'd prefer to turn this room into something else"

"Like wat?" I saw following him out of the room and on the hallway.

"I don't know, something for the baby"

"The baby" I said reaching for her door and opening it, Alma was quietly sleeping in the crib in the corner, we only had two drawers that occupied 40% of the room "has enough room"

"Mm, I don't know. I just don't want to have an office here, I don't like to think that I'm taking job home, I think I need to start to" he made a motion with his hand "separate a bit, definitely don't want to be having conversations about murders and criminals around her growing up"

I smiled to myself because that is the kind of change I was expecting from him, it wasn't that I didn't wanted him to stop working, I would never ask him that. But the work in the taskforce and with Raymond didn't suit him well most days, I've always wanted his home to be a place where he could disconnect from all the madness.

"Maybe we could just leave it empty for the next baby" he said.

I gave him a little chuckle and a pat on the back.

"How about you play with that one for a few years?" I pointed at Alma, he gave me a cheeky smile, I walked around him and headed back to the bedroom "I'm going to finish up the bedroom"

"Okay, I'm almost done with the kitchen and I'll head over to the garage to sort the last bit of junk we've got laying around in there"

We both kept organizing stuff on our ends, and it wasn't until well into the night when we saw eachother again, I'd finally laid down in the bed after being on my feet for hours, I felt my feet and my legs tingle in response of being strained all day. I let out a tired sigh, after that I heard the baby monitor perk up when Alma began crying in the other room. I was too reluctant to stand up but I knew I couldn't let her cry, the whole "leave your baby to cry to learn how to deal with separating from the mom" didn't sit well with me at all, I was about to stand up and head to the bedroom when I heard Don's voice in the monitor.

"What's going on here?" I heard him say, there were a little sounds of clothes rustling and then footsteps coming to the bedroom. He looked around and smiled as he cradled Alma in his hands, the little one hadn't stopped crying for one second. "I like what you've done here"

"Yeah, I like it too" I extended my hands to hold Alma as he passed her to me, I fixed myself in the bed and fed her " I still need to hung some things and finish that little corner with all my make-up and stuff"

He nodded and walked around the bed, I hadn't noticed until now that he was drinking a beer.

"We'd you get that from? And why don't I have one?"

"Well, we had it stashed in the garage so I put it in the freezer whilst I finished, and you can't drink, you're breastfeeding"

"Beer is good for milk production" I excused.

"Says who?"

"Some articles on the internet" he gave me an eyeroll and shook his head.

"How about you give me an article approved by the world health organization and maybe I'll let you have a sip"

It was my time to give him an eyeroll. I looked down at Alma, she wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon, her eyes were wide open, looking at me, I smiled down at her and leaned in to kids her forehead.

Don's phone vibrated on his pocket, he reached in for it and picked up. I was a little distraught when he didn't answered with his usual 'Ressler' voice, he just stood up and after a few short words he hung up.

"It's the food I ordered, are you going to the kitchen or are we eating here?" He motioned at how comfortably Alma and I were laying in the bed, I shook my head and sat on the bed.

"I can go to the kitchen" he nodded and waited for me to walk around the bed and to him, placing his hand on my lower back. I walked the remaining steps to the kitchen by myself whilst Don headed to the front door to open the delivery guy. He came back with his hands full of bags of food and two drinks. I smiled widely when I saw the paper bags with the yellow arch on it. I didn't know if I sometimes talked to myself and he heard me because I was thinking today about how I wanted to eat McDonald's.

Whilst eating Alma did fell asleep, and she was big enough to make my arm start to hurt if I held her in the same position for more than 20 minutes, so I quickly headed to her room and laid her down.

"Okay, I need to start like..." I motioned at the table and and sat down next to him "eating better, because I haven't been doing anything of what they've recommended me. I haven't been doing any exercises, haven't been out, haven't been eating well"

"We just moved love" he tried to reason with me "and you don't look bad. You look now just like you looked before we got married, because you changed a lot when we got married"

"You think?" I asked, because it definitely didn't feel like it.

"Now that we finally have everything settled you can start taking care of yourself, and even though we don't want to, we have to get Alma a sitter for when we get back to work"

"Yeah, I know" I said reluctantly "you must be more reluctant than I am about that"

"You have no idea, knowing what I know about the things that people do... Maybe you can ask around"

"Around where?"

"Well, we live in a great neighborhood now full of rich people, some of them must've kids who have sitters, and we both know that you're the most sociable out of the two, you'll make friends quick"

I gave him a little smile as I finished with my fries, started to gather everything, he stood up to help me but I made a motion with my hand to tell him to stop.

"I'll finish here, go and rest up baby" he gave a grateful smile and leaned in to kiss me shortly.

I placed all the bags and disposables in one of the boxes as Don dragged his feet to the bedroom, he was about to exit the kitchen when he called back to me.

"Love you Mags"

I stopped mid way to the kitchen island to look at him, look at the tired smile he gave me.

"Love you more Don"

[undfnditz-blog]

08.31.17

Here’s a journal entry for the ages. It’s Thursday. 

  I had a rough past couple of days. After being offered a full time position I discovered it’s stated financial offerings were well below what I need on a personal level to exist. That at first got my wheels turning as to how to make that work out. I want to work in marketing. That’s the job career trajectory I want to head in. But as much as I want to propel myself into something new, I have a lot holding me back, and it’s mainly debt. I can’t jump into something new without making sure I’m ready for all the risks involved, and I want to make sure that when I jump into that something new that I have all the resources and opportunities at my disposal to ensure I can complete tasks to the best of my abilities. If they want me to prove myself, being split in my focus really won’t give me every chance to thrive. 

There’s also a part of me that wants to devote my entire time into this thing, that doesn’t want two jobs. I’ve been at that point. It sucks. If I’m going to work longer, I’d rather just continue working at the location I’m already at. Keeping track of two different systems at the same time makes me feel unbalanced, and my all in nature of working makes me feel like I’m giving more to one job than the other and I eventually end up quitting because I’m never satisfied with my own efforts. I’m a mess. 

So yesterday was a hard day. I spent most of it managing at the restaurant during a particularly demanding day and then the rest of it I spent kind of angry. For me, I take sleights against my character or disappointments with stride. Initially, I accept them, and I find ways to deal with them. I don’t take them as internal assaults, I just try to find remedies. I think that’s what my Monday was. I was appreciating the offer, and what that could mean for my future. I was acting positively and imaging all the things I need to start doing to succeed. 

  Then Tuesday came around, and I got to deal with the ramifications of my switch. My boss and one of the company’s owners got into a pretty heated fight about the whole situation, none of which is directly my fault, but it’s only happening because I’m making this transition. It’s messy and unfortunate and sad and I hate it, but I had to deal with it. Tuesday was a lot of interpersonal communication and emotional caregiving which brought me down a little bit. 

So yesterday was my day to start processing what had happened. To get to the reality of things. To understand what the actions represented. And it hurt. And I was angry. I kind of felt disrespected. I felt taken advantage of, belittled, thought less of. I felt emboldened to start treating myself as more valuable than they have appeared to assume I am. I now feel in control and I’m demanding more or they can’t have me. And I want them to fight for me or I will walk. I demand respect and acknowledgement. I will not accept less. 

  So today is time for plan B. I’m gonna put my big boy pants on. I’m gong to apply/re-apply for the position, revamping my resume and seeing if they’ll reassess my offer because I honestly don’t think they know what I’ve accomplished so far in my lifetime. I want them to know. I want them to understand that they’re undervaluing me. I want them to know that I’m not just messing around. Either I’m taken seriously or I’ll find somewhere else that will. 

Here’s my only apprehension - am I serious? Have I done enough to really show that I’m a hard hitter? I think the answer is undoubtedly yes but it doesn’t seem so in my eyes. But I’m a perfectionist. It’s hard to gauge reality when you’re always wrestling with the ideal. (I had to just tweet that because I felt it, and I’m learning). 

  My motto for today is, to know my worth. To know I’m not just like anybody else. I’m exceptional. Act like it. 

So, with that, today I have to work later on and it’s going to be trying because we’re down two people. This weekend is going to be filled with work and hanging out with people. I’ve got events each evening to attend based on past agreements so I’m going to do as much I can this morning, let time pass, allow myself to ruminate, and then on Monday I plan on start making moves. I want to just apply for so many different jobs to see who will take me and what their competing offers are. I want to know where I stand and what other people think of me. It’s time to buckle up. Time to take charge.

[survivorarabia]

EPISODE 10 “Cleaning Up The Threats” - Aren

Aren

Kay, well this round is gonna be ze big cleanup round!!! *dresses up as a janitor* today, we're cleaning up... THE THREATS!!! AKA, Ruthie & Alex -- the two biggest contenders to take the title of Sole Survivor in this game (other than your's truly, of course!). So, there are really two things I need to severely think about here -- who I want to go for out of Alex & Ruthie, and -- in proper janitor fashion -- how I can do this in the cleanest way without fucking up my long-term game. So, I've determined that I wanna go for Alex, as he's way stronger in challenges than Ruthie and he therefor scares the piss out of me. And I also wanna make a F4 group consisting of me, Richie, Emmott & Issy, just so that once Alex fucks off and we're at the F7 I have a sweet-ass group to just safely steamroll it to the final few with. I've kinda just promised Richie the world right now. I told him that when we hit F4 -- Issy's ass will be goin' bye-bye. Then, we can thrash Emmott's ass in FIC, and send him home. And we can be the F2 together. It's funny, because Issy thinks I'm lying to Richie when I tell him this, but y'know... I don't think I actually want to go to the end with Issy. I want to go to the end with Emmott or Richie -- some punching-bag that I can literally demolish in the Final-Tribal. 

Issy

Despite my very best last minute scramble efforts, unfortunately Ci'ere went home yesterday, which is super shitty for me because I very much feel that Alex will want me or Emmott out next I'm gonna work my backside off to try and flip the vote on Alex or Ruthie but honestly I'm not convinced there's anything I can do right now If worst comes to worst I'm gonna have to go all out, try and convince Alex that Ruthie is a huge threat that needs to go home as soon as possible, and pray that someone, anyone, wants to take the opportunity to go for a blindside

Ruthie

I'm really wishing I tried harder at Immunity this round.  It's getting down to the end and I haven't won any immunity challenges yet!  I think my social game is super on point but if I even want to THINK about winning I am going to have to work on actually winning comps, haha.   On the bright side, at least I'm still safe this week! 

Issy

Richie asked to be dragged in confessionals so I thought I'd make this confessional to drag him only who is he again? What has he done? Where has he been? There's a person in this cast called Richie? Oops, I didn't notice Anyway, I believe the go at the moment is to blindside Alex, which is great and all except I really didn't want to be working with RUTHIE!! ❤❤❤ and Nicole. Haven't talked to either of them basically at all since merge, and so I'm super nervous about having to put all my trust in Emmott and Aren's abilities to convince them to do this Aren is annoying as always & Emmott has been awol for the past couple days so my top-tier alliance building skills are clearly benefitting me right now, we're extremely solid going into this next vote & I have total confidence everything will go to plan (not) I want Nicole gone next and then Ruthie (should this Alex vote work out) and then at some point I'd love to axe Aren because I'd rather not be sitting at the end with him

Alex

I cannot believe how well last round went, first of all.  I feel....really good now. But this is the part of the game where Survivor gets really interesting. Theoretically, this should be easy.  We have a tight alliance of four in myself, Ruthie, Richie and Lena, all of whom genuinely like and respect each other.  We've voted together every round and as far as I know, most of us want all four of us to make Final 5. We've also got Nicole, who played an Idol for Ruthie at the first merge vote and has stuck with us every round.  That makes five votes, out of eight, so we should be able to do anything we want this vote – and we probably will. But, people other than me are starting to look at the end and say “how do I get there with the best options?” Richie has come to me to talk about how and when to cut Nicole. Ruthie & Lena don't trust Richie and would probably like to cut him before 5 or 4. And I'm just here, floating along, wondering why, despite being Target #1 since before the merge....nobody has done anything about it? I mean, Issy has been out for my blood from the word go. Emmott is a paranoid, flip-floppy motherfuck who's thrown my name out before. And Aren's getting blindsided this round because he just cannot keep my name out of his mouth! Why has nobody done anything about this yet?  It is a mystery to me. I mean, don't get me wrong: I do love my alliance, I really do.  But I look at the game with a strategic eye and just say.....do all of you really think I don't have arguments prepped for you? Cause I do, kids.  And I know I'm an asshole for it, but I've been eyeing the endgame since the merge, if not before.  I've got the opening speeches written: Ruthie did everything I told her to, Richie was wishy-washy and lied to every juror, Lena doesn't exist, and Nicole doesn't talk to anybody.  Aren's a spastic motherfucker, Issy gave up, and Emmott is, well, Emmott. At this point I'm trying to figure out the best endgame, the best final 3, final 4, final 5 for my game, and I really wish I knew if it was a Final 2 or Final 3 for sure, because that would really inform my decision. I don't want Ruthie at the end.  Ruthie kicks my ass. Richie, I can beat, but I don't know if it'd be easy. My idea is a Lena/Nicole Final 3, because I think I win that.  But there's the missing issue, the apocalypse scenario, that one of them wins Immunity and takes the other to a Final 2, and we have to vote for Lena or Nicole to win. And again, I have nothing against them as people!  But I don't think either of their gameplay to this point has been worthy of my jury vote. So as we whittle down our options, I have to look forward.  Aren, Issy and Emmott, probably in that order, are dead meat.  And if it gets down to five with the Family and Nicole........I don't know what I'll do. Will I vote out Nicole, trusting that at 4 at least one other person will have my back? Will I make a move against Richie or Ruthie, in a bid to get myself a more favorable Final Tribal? Or will I be completely blindsided and booted unceremoniously at five, to the joy of the jury? I truly don't know.  But this is where it gets interesting, folks.  Buckle up and see who outwits who, because we're gonna be choosing the winner here very, very soon.

Aren

Wow bitches I'm fucking running this vote, aren't I? Alex thinks I'm his little bitch-boy who's gonna do whatever he wants, BUT, what he doesn't know is that I'm actually blindsiding his ass this round! I've been doing my fair-share of talking, and I've got Emmott, Issy, Ruthie & Nicole and I'm working on Richie now. I've lied to Alex that I'm voting for mah boi Emmott, but hell nah is that happening! Tonight, we're gonna just straight-up see Alex 6 times. And it'll be truly beautiful. MARVELOUS MASTERPIECE BY AREN WILLIAMS, EVERYONE!!! BRINGS A TEAR TO MY EYE!

Ruthie

Whew, it's been a busy few days with Thanksgiving!  Aren thinks that me, Richie and Nicole are going to vote Alex out with him and I'm just thinking "ARE YOU FREAKING CRAZY?" Richie came to me asking what the whole thing was about and I'm pretty sure we just recently talked about it in the Family alliance chat that Aren could be saying this kind of stuff, but Alex apparently worries him a bit, but he wants The Family to be final 4.  I do too but I also want Nicole to be Final 3 with Alex and myself and it's just like uhhhh how do we get out Richie and Lena without ticking them off or Alex off?  ME, NICOLE AND ALEX would be a perfect Final 3, like I can't even.  I don't even really care if I win, face it, I probably WOULDN'T win next to Alex, to be honest.  I just really want to get to the end with him since we became a solid thing either day one or day two, I want to say day one! I think Lena is down with having me, her and Alex as Final 3 though, I definitely wouldn't win next to her though either, I have ZERO INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY WINS. :( I really need to get with this lajsdfj.  ANYWAY, this is all what's up, it's been a quiet few days and I'm nervous that Aren is going to sway someone to vote Alex with him, UGH.

Issy

Everyone is low key annoying me right now, honestly can we please just nuke the whole game If I have to see another 'awokoksoaoaw' or 'BAHAHAHAHAHA' I'm gonna have to quit

Richie

Wooowooowooooo I got immunity!!!!!! I feel like I've got myself in a nice position where I didn't need it this week but it's nice to have something to add to my bleak on the surface looking resume... Normally when I get immunity it's like my free pass to play messy and hard because no matter what I do I can't get voted out so its the time to make #bigmoves but I won it 1 week too early With issy/emmott as a duo and aren being just THE messiest that trio needs to be trimmed down so they don't gain any traction so it looks like aren is going this week because he just doesn't shut his mouth he's always giving away too much information and stirring up trouble and he's making deals and throwing people under the bus it's just too much to try and keep him here because even tho he trusts me and isn't voting me out I can't trust that whatever I say to him won't be spread around and I try to keep things lowkey although he is great for getting information from we have this "honesty policy" that im trying my hardest to not actually break bc i want that jury vote so he just keeps giving me information and i never actually AGREE with any plans or confirm that im with him im just like https://68.media.tumblr.com/8d192f985c289a55c30423b83859fa0a/tumblr_oh87xllQpA1vzwwmeo1_250.gif and take notes on what he says asdjfhaksdjfhakdfj god thats not any better than lying but im doing my best lmao I dont know you've got Alex who I trust to a certain degree because I feel like we have the most genuine connection but also people in this game perceive him as a threat which #perceptionisreality so that helps because he's always going to be targeted before me so why would I vote out a meat shield I trust???? but also if he gets to end people think he's this great player that's not good... Then issy/emmott I haven't really worked with and after I vote out aren that should be the last straw they shouldn't trust me at all anymore lmao I never explicitly told them I was voting out Alex this week I purposefully ended my conversation with issy saying that I was hesitant to vote for Alex because "I don't trust Ruthie to not make it a tie" and I want to tell them I'm voting out aren so that I can have leverage with them to try and make the move to get out Nicole next week like I want to make but lena found a clue and we all looked for the idol and no one found it so that means someone else must have it so I'm scared to be HONEST with issy because I don't need any idols fucking up the plan this round so I guess I'll have to deal with that in the future Then there's Lena and Ruthie who are in the family alliance and I feel like we're all good with us 4 but ruthies closeness with Nicole scares the shit out of me because like that's a powerful relationship and as the numbers get smaller that scares me.... And Nicole hasn't talked game with me in dayyyyyys and we have history where I've fucked up with her so I went to Alex to try and plant the seed of voting her out next round but i dont know what's going to happen for now I'm just going to enjoy my last moments of immunity and pray things go the way I'm expecting them to and then clean up whatever messes I've made once they resurface