#i was going to make this a whole thing with a bunch of other references to them skiving
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Sebastian Sallow College AU Headcanons
This is my version of Sebastian based on a modern college AU I've been working on. It's been a long time since I've graduated college so I'm sorry if this doesn't align with how things currently are. Also, this is based on the American college system. SFW.
šThe boy is a mess. He has too many things on his mind at any given time and doesn't know how to prioritize, so he has no method of organization except to throw everything on the floor. "It's organized chaos" he says.
šHe's constantly holed away studying - he's a pre-med major, after all, and his classes have only gotten more difficult with each year. It doesn't help that each one of his notes is scattered in a pile somewhere on his desk. Or under his mattress. Or in his pillow case. Or on top of the toilet. Or in the shower.
šSpeaking of being a pre-med major, he's actually studying Biomedical Engineering and he will correct you every time you refer to him as "pre-med."
šHe checks out books from the library that have nothing to do with his major. He keeps forgetting that he has, so he renews them the max amount of times and then forgets to return them. He always has an overdue library book fee added to his tuition and almost doesn't graduate because he hasn't returned them (the librarian hates him - surprise surprise).
šHe's paying his way through college with a heaping load of student loans and lives in one of the smallest dorms on campus. Poor thing is estranged from his uncle and his ill twin sister (for reasons that are spoilers).
šHe shares a room with Ominis, whose side of the room is always immaculate. Ominis tends to ignore the mess (regretfully) except when Sebastian leaves Monster energy drink cans on his side. In which case, he will yell at Sebastian for an entire week straight. The whole hall can hear him screaming. He tends to stay out of the room most of the time and only returns to sleep because of this.
šSebastian is one of those guys who leaves his clothes everywhere. And I mean everywhere. He doesn't know the difference between dirty and clean and has to do the sniff test to figure it out. He doesn't plan on leaving the dorm anyway, except to eat or go to the library (or his regular coffee shop), so he almost exclusively wears sweatpants stained with grease from pizza and 3 day old t-shirts.
šHis hair is always a mess.
šHe's an undergrad TA for a lower level chemistry class. He doesn't teach the class, but he helps out with grading papers and such. He says he's only doing it for elective credits, but he secretly enjoys teaching.
šHe likes to blast his music TOO loud because he says it "helps him study." He's gotten written up for noise complaints multiple times.
šHe has one starchy gray sheet and a flat pillow for his bed. He constantly has back pain as he usually sleeps with a book shoved underneath them (or a random array of socks without pairs).
šYes, he does wear reading glasses.
šHe's a caffeine addict (hence, Monster cans on the floor).
šHe doesn't frequent parties, but it's not as though he's never been to one. He and Garreth used to stir up trouble at them back when he would go. Literally. I wouldn't take a sip of those drinks they're handing you at the door.
šHe has a reputation for being a troublemaker (mostly due to his and Garreth's antics at parties) which makes people thing that he's lazy. But his ambition keeps him up there on the Dean's List every semester. People still don't understand how, and there are whispers about him cheating or hiring others to do his work for him.
šBeing a TA and with his naturally flirty personality, people assume that he's a player. A bunch of the Freshmen girls have a crush on him. He pretends to have no idea.
šHe's not a player, he just hasn't had a solid relationship because he hasn't met anyone who he's been able to trust with all his uh...problems. But when he does, the boy is GONE.
šHe cleans up nicely once he finds a reason to impress someone. He will go from cocky to making a complete fool of himself once he realizes he's smitten and will do his damndest to make everything perfect.
šHis perfectionism mostly comes out in his work (top marks in all of his main classes, obviously) and that will definitely carry over with the person he ends up in a relationship with. Everything must be perfect and nothing less (he will mentally beat himself up about it if it's not).
šOminis will pick up on it because suddenly Sebastian's side of the room will be immaculate. And for some reason he keeps asking him how to tie a tie??
Anyways, that's all for now!
I'll probably have more later tbh
#also this is totally unedited and all train of thought#idk why this has been taking up my brain space lately#but i'm having fun and that's what's important#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy headcanons#hogwarts legacy au#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow headcanons#college au
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Watching Wayward Pines for potential ST5 inspo bc the Duffers wrote a couple episodes in s1, and when I got to their second (last) episode and their name crossed the screen, I noticed a visual parallel that might already exist on the showā¦
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Recognize it??
It instantly reminded me of that last shot for the opening of s3, with the landscape peaking out behind the Russian base. But when I went back and actually compared the two, holy shit itās near identical, and not just the landscape.
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I didnāt even remember the helicopter being there on the left, not to mention the pillar-esaue contraption at the center. Likeā¦ theyāre the same picture.!
With them being credited right at that moment, itās obvious this was an intentional nod to their previous work.
I just thought it was cool so I wanted to share, but in terms of my watch overall, there is a LOT going on that they could pull from. Iām only halfway through s1, though Iāve heard the show goes downhill in s2 so weāll see how that goes š
#byler#stranger things#wayward pines#st inspo#st5 predictions#spoilers I guess?#matt dillon is a secret service agent and when fellow agents go missing#he goes to find them and ends up in an accident himself#and wakes up in wayward pines#and no matter what he does he canāt reach anyone on the outside nor leave#people around him seem to be playing along with this sort of Truman show lifestyle of pretending everything is fine#then he runs into one of the agents who went missing also his ex-mistres#carla gugino my beloved#and sheās also playing along#bc they kind of have to otherwise they will be killed#little does Matt Dillon know his wife and kid on the outside are worried because he went missing#they go looking for him and end up in wayward pines too#wayward pines is actually really chill in retrospect bc you get a free house when you arrive#but the whole being trapped and not explained whatās going on and treated like your crazy part makes it hard to see the positives#and just when you think this whole town is an experiment#it is!!#but also not because they have any other choice really#turns out humans devolved into this creature referred to as abbies and they basically take over the world killing everything in sight#a scientist predicted this and managed to launch an experiment where he basically kidnapped a bunch of people and froze them from aging#to live safely in the future over 2000 years later in this confined town#where very few know the truth#the town being an experiment aspect intrigues me in terms of all the surveillance in Hawkinsā¦#also random but the main kid on the show has an uncanny resemblance to the duffers despite no relation and itās freaky š
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11, 20, and 29 for the oc asks :> for any of your guys!
Oohh but who to pick! Who's been on my mind lately, who I haven't already talked up too much hmmm... Maybe Minki! :D
11. What was your inspiration for your OC?
Minki was the fallout of one of my Vargas AU brainstorm session actually (how??) where I was trying to come up with a pun for a potion shop owner - she came name first, then the logo of her business, then her full design! I ended up being so happy with her that I fully fleshed her out into her own character and she's taken up residence with a few other OCs that I haven't explored quite as much, but I have thought about a good clip
20. If they fight, whatās their weapon of choice?
Minki is a potions witch! She's not much for fighting herself - she makes a business of selling her potions so other people have the upper hand in their fights - but she keeps some in reserve if she needs to defend herself! A basic set of strength, stoneskin/defense buff - a fire-res in conjunction with a bottled fireball is quite effective on any hopeful intruders hehe
29. Imagine a mood board for your OC! Whatās on it? (Make it if you want!)
Just a mini one this time hehe <3 She's a fairly straightforward gal!
#Woah an original post#Ask#Ask me#Minki#My art#Since it technically features lol#I keep meaning to make Minki a colour reference - it's on the pile#She's got rather strong colours in my head thankfully! Her hair is a nice gunmetal blue :D#She's got a fairly blue/purple leaning design - who me? Favourite colour? No don't be silly#Pretty sure it's been a while since I mentioned but her bracelet is actually a bunch of vial-baubles hehe#She carries ingredients with her! Easy to grab always on her person in case she's in a pinch#She's probably also into distilling now that I think of it - potion witches are really more alchemists than magicians huh#Anyhow lol#The other OC she's sometimes seen with is the drider lady! If I ever get to it there's a Whole Thing with her#I like her very much <3 She and Minki are customer-business owner style friends haha#A common patron who is polite and purchases well without haggling too far! Friendly :)#Mostly stuck to the Public Domain tag in Ecosia to gather images - I tried to use Pixabay but there's so much AIgen stuff D:#I go to Pixabay to /avoid/ AI stuff! Blegh#Hopefully that first one isn't... The other three are all photos! Or well - the singular potion might be a 3D model...? Bit hard to tell#I did some colour touch-ups on the lot :) Hopefully they're seamless >:3c#Ty for the ask! :D
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my tags on the post i just reblogged got me thinking so hereās my current stream of consciousness
#i refer to ages 12-16 as my āchurch girl eraā bc thatās when i got really deep into christianity#like i went to church twice a week (regular sessions on sundays small groups on tuesdays) and to church events trips camps etc all the time#i even got baptized when i was 13 bc my siblings and i werenāt baptized as babies#like church was such a huge part of my life but i think it only became that bc of the specific church i went to#it was a nondenominational church and the environment was very chill for lack of a better word#and the social aspect of it was really what got me into the actual religion#i HATED going there when we first moved here bc i didnāt know anyone and i was so painfully shy#then in middle school i made a bunch of friends who went to the same church and suddenly it was so fun#thatās when i started going on tuesdays bc we would play games and have contests and stuff like that before the actual small groups#so it felt more like a club my friends and i were in than a church#but once i had those friends and i was comfortable being there i genuinely started to get more invested in christianity#bc i was actually paying attention to the sermons instead of just thinking about how anxious i was the whole time#so by the time i started high school i was very actively christian for the first time in my life#but somehow i drifted away from it just as easily as i fell into it#i started playing lacrosse when i was 15 and we had practice most weeknights so i couldnāt go to small groups anymore#and then our church merged with a bigger church in the area so we became a new branch of that church instead of a little community church#and the merger changed so much about the way the church operated that a ton of people just stopped going entirely including me#and it only took a few months for me to realize that i just didnāt really believe any of it or feel connected to it anymore#and idk even years later i still have love for a lot of those people and that part of my life#but itās interesting how as soon as i lost that social community the church gave me i was completely disconnected from the religion itself#and at this point in my life i canāt see myself ever identifying as a christian again partly bc i just canāt get myself to believe in god#and partly bc of all the awful christians out there although i firmly believe there are still so many christians who are good people#for example my church was always accepting of the lgbtq+ community which obviously was and is super important to me#but yeah i just canāt see myself ever being religious again but at the same time i still find myself missing it sometimes even now#the community was clearly a huge part of it for me but it was also such a nice feeling to be so into the faith or wtv you want to call it#like iāve always known my own values/morals ofc and i also love other forms of spirituality but actual religion is such a unique thing to me#like i donāt want to be christian again but i do miss the feeling of being christian/religious in general if that makes sense#and at least for me there really isnāt any substitute that can give me that same specific feeling which is honestly really sad to me#anyway. idk where i was going with this but if any former christians (or other ex religious people) want to weigh in iād love your thoughts#lj.txt
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Mc/Yuu that when given genuine affection from their friends such as a small gift or just being told that they enjoy being around them, they just get really quiet and look at their friend with shock and disbelief, tearing up a little bit and just going "...oh..." in a real small voice.
Bonus points if they're not usually emotional like this.
It would be fun if it was the overblot gang since they just got some gifts themselves, or maybe ADeuce duo...idk man, I just want some wholesome friendship, I feel like there aren't enough fics like that in this fandom-
WARNINGS: Can be read as platonic or romantic, some of these might be longer/shorter than others, all of them care about you but (almost) all of them are bad with Emotions. also there are slight references to book 6 in Idiaās section if you squint
COMMENTS: AWH this is such a cute idea! And yes, there should definitely be more wholesome, platonic fics! Also, sorry these are short D:
Wait, crap, youāre tearing up? He just got you a present- are you okay?? Heās low key worried about you, unsure if this is just you being extremely excited about his (amazing) gift or if thereās something else going on. Either way, heās quick to figure it out and reassure you as best he can. Heās torn between feeling bad about making you cry and being happy you liked his present so much. Either way, he pulls you into a hug and rubs patterns into your back until you feel better.
Youāre crying?! Ohhhh crap oh crap oh crap- he doesnāt know what to do! Was his present that bad-? Once you reassure him and tell him you love it, he relaxes a little bit but is still clearly distressed. He isnāt very good at figuring out why youāre reacting this way, but his genuine care for you shines through and helps you feel a little more comfortable in his own way.
Wh-what?? Did he do something wrong-? He did a bunch of research, so he had assumed that this gift would be something youād appreciate, not tear up over! Riddle is. Confused. And scared. Heās new to this whole āhaving friendsā thing, and he thinks very highly of you, so the thought of messing up is pretty scary. Heās at quite a loss of what to do. When you reassure him and tell him youāre okay, heās very relieved. He makes a note of how much you appreciated the gift and is determined to do more for you. If he has to get used to having friends, he wants you to get used to receiving the affection you deserve, too.
Awh, come on. Youāre seriously tearing up over this? He ruffles your hair affectionately, giving you space to process your emotions while staying nearby. He doesnāt quite get what all the fuss is about - all he knows is he got you something and then you āexploded into tearsā (you did not, heās exaggerating). He sits with you until you feel better and tries to think of ways he could give you stuff without you āfreaking outā like this. Maybe some money left in your pockets would be a good ideaā¦
As soon as you tear up, he wants to go hide in his octo-pot. He knew it, it was a stupid idea. He shouldāve gone with the other present idea, maybe then youād be less disappointed. If you even still want to be friends with him after this. The moment you explain that youāre really happy, however, his mood does a complete 180, attempting to both comfort you and gloat a little at the same time. He would pat you a little awkwardly on the shoulder, wanting to express he appreciated your vulnerability. Heās definitely making notes on things he could spoil you with.
He freezes. Dang, he thought it was something youād like. If not, thatās okay, he did keep the receipt. You can take it back to the store and get a refund if youād- oh? You liked it? Heās another one that would try to comfort you and feel smug at the same time. The thought of making anyone but particularly you so happy is a little jarring to him, and your way of expressing emotions is definitely unexpected, but heās glad he got you this. Maybe heāll get you something better next time.
For once, Vil is speechless. For a moment he just kinda stands there in surprise, before sweeping you into his arms for a hug - completely ignoring how his clothes might crinkle. He didnāt think you would react that way, and - although heās pretty sure youāre happy - he wants to comfort you anyway. Once you confirm youāre actually happy, he thinks your reaction is sweet and endearing and pure. Heās definitely buying you more things if this is your reaction to it,
The moment you say āohā and start to tear up heās internally going say sike rn. Bro was not prepared for Emotions. He can hardly handle his own feelings, whyād fate dump him with someone elseās?! Especially since they belong to someone he cares about. Heās not real good with other people, let alone taking care of them. He wishes Ortho was here - he could google Top 10 Ways To Comfort A Friend Who Randomly Starts Crying. Idia kinda just ends up patting your entire head awkwardly and saying āthere thereā through his tablet. He knows itās pathetic, okay?
Heās utterly confused. He followed the Human Customs of buying a gift for someone you care about, why are you displaying a negative reaction? Was the gift not satisfactory? Lilia said this would be enough, although perhaps he shouldāve gone with his original plan and bought you significantly more. Were you perhaps disappointed? Once you reassure him, he almost laughs. He thinks your reaction was very cute, he will be buying you significantly more things. Prepare yourself.
ā„Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it!!ā„
#twisted wonderland#twst x reader#twst#twst fanfic#twisted wonderland x reader#twst fluff#ace trappola#ace trappola x reader#deuce spade#deuce spade x reader#riddle Rosehearts#riddle rosehearts x reader#leona kingscholar#leona kingscholar x reader#azul ashengrotto#azul ashengrotto x reader#jamil viper#jamil viper x reader#vil schoenheit#vil schoenheit x reader#idia shroud#idia shroud x reader#malleus draconia#malleus draconia x reader#Rheaās TWST Fics~!
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If you don't mind my asking, how do you go about drawing fat? :3
JUST THE EXCUSE I WAS LOOKING FOR
So, for me personally, a lot of the time when I draw fat characters, I'm not looking to specifically capture the specifics of fat as much as the feel of fat. Bulkier, rounder shapes in the right places that has a feeling of weight to em! A lot of that is intuition and simplification at this point, but it all works on the same frame as just any ol' person. Like take this-
For example. This is the basis for any body shape, not just the more average one that it may imply. Sure- it can be that average body shape:
But also a fat one too!
And a big part of that is knowing where fat usually tends to bunch up on the body, so lets take a look piece by piece! (Please keep in mind this is very simplified, and not completely precise in some parts)
THE FACE: Cheeks (in purple) and especially the chin (in light blue) are the places where a lot of the fat is gonna wanna gather and round out on your face! Additionally, theres a small pocket of fat beneath the cranium on the backside of your head. It's small, but it is there. I believe fat can build up elsewhere like the bridge of your nose and forehead, but generally speaking, you're gonna have a whole lot more buildup in other places first.
THE TORSO: A lot of the fat built up on the torso is gonna be sent to your tummy. More cushioning for vital organs, mostly out of the way, it just makes sense. Additionally, the lower backs fat builds up and joins with a patch of fat on your sides that forms what is typically referred to as the love handles to make that double belly look. Along with this, the immediate next target for the torso is the breasts, followed by the upper back!
THE ARMS: For this limb, a VERY notable amount of the fat present builds up on the tricep and bicep areas, lessening once you get towards the flexor and extensor areas. You can almost think of the arm as a sort of triangular shape, wide side starting from the shoulder and tapering towards the hand, which itself mostly builds up fat around the back of the hand and the fingers. The shoulders themselves don't build up too much fat unless you got a lot
THE LEGS: And finally, you can think of the legs having pretty similar curves to what you're probably already used to thinking. The front of the thighs getting a big buildup, along with the back of the calves, the other parts being flatter in turn. As far as the feet go- similarly to the hands, the top of the feet, along with the heels get most of the buildup, as fat on your soles would impede mobility. The glute, hip and crotch area will also especially build up fat, lending to the same triangular shape that you can see in the arm!
A big thing to note with fat is that it tends to taper off towards joints. Your knees, elbows, shoulders, hips, and all the other places are gonna have significantly less fat so that you remain mobile and flexible, as that's important!
Now that we have an idea of where fat builds up on the body, you might have something that looks kinda like this
Which yes, does demonstrate a solid understanding of the places fat builds up, lacks the weight you're probably trying to convey, which brings us to out next point! Fat is well... heavy! Gravity is what gives fat much of it's shape, especially as you tread towards larger and larger bodies.
This is demonstrated really well on the arms especially-
Those big ol' bits of fat'll really start to sag when left hanging, and they will squish like hell if they run into something. I like to think of these bits of fat as big ol' ovals that squash and stretch depending on if there's an obstacle in their way or not
These are the important shapes to remember when it comes to the weightiness of fat! If you take all of this into mind, you should be getting something a lot closer to that shape you've been after!
Oh, and always remember that fat bodies come in all variety of shapes and sizes! Play around with a whole lot, and seek out all the resources you can! it'll really lend to your knowledge when it comes to this kinda stuff!
And as I always recommend when it comes to learning art- look at what your favorite artists do with fat bodies. See what you really like about the fat bodies they draw and try to replicate it in your own work, I promise you it's one of the most helpful things ever.
This is like the most basic of basics when it comes to drawing fat bodies though. If there's any additional thing about fat bodies, or maybe you want clarification on something, don't be afraid to ask! If there's enough to cover, I'll make an addition to this post!
#hat answers#my art#design talk#tutorials#yeah im unfortunately pretty tired so this gets a liiiitle rambly at the end but i think this covers like the basic basics#i hope this was helpful at all#and again dont be afraid to ask questions and stuff#if theres enough traction/questions on this i will most definitely try to clear up as much as i can in an addition to the post#whoops this took a bit!
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needy jealousy
yeonjun x fem!reader x kai
synopsis: your boyfriends decide to join nonutnovember.
warnings: š!!! throuple/poly, established realtionship, no mxm, no protection, mentions of cum eating, creampie(s),she/her used prob forgot some sorry
wc: 3.4k
an: not proofread pls have mercy im so sleepy, I told myself I would keep these under 2k and im a liar bc as soon as this came in I knew I wouldn't be able to make it short ;-; hopefully itās good lol thank you so much for the request @apeachty ily and you know exactly what I want to write next without even trying lol our minds are linked. also peep the reference to busy signal! anyways I have a whole bunch of other yeonkai x reader fics so check them out if you want!
[m.list] [1kevent! m.list]
āno,ā
āwhat do you mean by no?ā yeonjun asks, āYou canāt or wonāt?ā He's leaning back against the headboard, scrolling on his phone when he gets the message in his group chat.Ā
āI wonāt,ā you shrug, snuggling closer to Kai. He's half asleep, nose pressed to the back of your neck, arms loosely wrapped around you.Ā
āIt's only one month, youāre saying you canāt go one month without sex?āĀ
āNot that I canāt, just that I wonāt. Itās so stupid if I want to cum I will, with or without you,ā you pat the back of huenings hand resting against your stomach. āI do have two boys to take care of me,āĀ
kai chuckles, sleep ridden in the rumble on your back, āIām going to try it,āĀ
āI cannot believe both of you are falling into peer pressure, just cause the other boys are doing it doesnāt mean you have to,āĀ
āI was told if I hold out longer than beomgyu I get a free coffee for every day I last,ā yeonjun flips his phone for you to see his chat, and sure enough everyone is bragging about how they could make it till the end of November without getting off.Ā
āFine, do what you want. Iām not going to sit and beg you,ā holding up two fingers you wave them in his face, āI can do it myself,āĀ
āYou don't even know how to use these,ā he grabs at your wrist, pressing a kiss to your fingertips.Ā
āI'll spend the month learning, or I'll just use the vibrator and the two of you will just have to sit and watch,āĀ
It seemed like such a light threat at the time. Not one that you would hold to but it wasn't as if you needed to hold it in the first place. Only two days in and it felt like both of them would fail. Neither of them brought this up to you, but it wasn't like they needed to, the signs were everywhere.Ā
Yeonjun had taken to spending time in the office when studying, all of his school work done with no time left for cuddling on the couch with you. More time spent working out with taehyun and less flirty texts in between sessions like he usually sent. Huening on the other hand was slowly closing off. His tight responses ended in silence, hardly answering in your group chat. Even in bed at night both of their backs turned to you as you lay there looking up at the ceiling.Ā
It wasn't as if you all were sex addicts, what the challenge really was, was knowing that you couldn't do something vs. just not being in the mood. It was the forbidden fruit effect spread out before them. Everything you did now was hot even if it was the most mundane thing imaginable. The season was changing and now even just watching you take off your coat after coming in from outside was enough to get them hard. Just the idea of taking your clothes off, even just one layer, was enough to send them on their way to their respective avoidance programs.Ā
You could be laying on the couch, half asleep, and answering a question with a hum and they were done for. Even worse at night when you would change, or come fresh out of the shower, hair still dripping, leaving your shirt spotted with wet dots, the fabric getting cold enough to make your nipples hard. It was a curse to witness you walk out into the living room with your shorts showing so much skin.Ā
And you could see it on their faces, the way their jaws tightened, throats bobbing as they swallowed. You had never seen Kai look so expressionless. Every little thing is pent up inside him, the negative aura radiating off of him as you sit down between them. Even just seeing your bare thigh sent them into the other room.Ā
A week in is around the time you think they are going to break. Yeonjun coming home from his workout, hair still sweaty and sticking to his forehead as he wraps his arms around you from behind. His soft kisses on your neck as you prepare a cup of tea. āWant one?āĀ
āNo, I'm good,ā his hands traveling under and up your shirt. It was the first time since that conversation in the bed that he's put his hands on you in any way besides helping to guide you by the small of your lower back. You melted into his hold, head rolling back, letting him feel over your skin.Ā
Neither of you hear Kai's feet padding across the apartment's floor. Don't notice him standing right in the doorway until he clears his throat, āso you've given up already?ā The accusation sounds more like a warning. It's like he's thrown a bucket of ice water over yeonjun, the realization crushing his forgetfulness. He tugs his hands away from you like you're a hot stove he's gotten too close to. āJjunie-āĀ
He doesn't even look up, hand over his eyes as he turns away, āNo, I'm going to take a very cold shower,āĀ
āI'll join!ā it's mostly a joke, your giggle making them both scowl.Ā
āNo, stop talking about being naked around me right now,āĀ
āWhy?ā you ask, leaning against the counter, tilting your head as he tries to wave away the word. Your smile stuck as he walked away.Ā
āYou're evil,ā he tosses over his shoulder leaving you alone with huening. You can feel him standing there watching you. His hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie while he leaned against the door frame.Ā
āDo you want some?ā you ask, pouring a spoonful of honey into your mug. He watches the way it dribbles and sees a dot drop to the counter, your fingers scooping it up and taking it to your mouth.Ā
He watches you suck the honey off, not even caring that he's right there watching, hands tightening into fists as he thinks about the way your tongue would feel. He thinks he's hiding it well, that you canāt tell he's struggling so much. But he's so obvious, shaking his head and muttering that he's going to bed early. He swears he is never this horny, the two of you have gone well past a few weeks without having sex before and not even thinking much about it. Only now itās all he can think about and it's making him feel sick, his stomach tightening every time he sees you in a room, like at any moment it won't be him you go to first to ask to get off.Ā
Never has he been so jealous in his life, not even about yeonjun for kissing you but over your own fingers. Even if you caved and asked yeonjun to be the one to take care of you he wouldn't mind, he'd give up without question, but the idea that you can just walk around and sit with your own hand down your pants was what was killing him.Ā
He could see it in his head, could picture that time you were struggling to get off with tears in your eyes, how he helped you just like you needed, yeonjun over the phone telling him to take care of you. He wanted that, he needed that. He wanted to help you again, he wanted you to help him, and yet he also wanted to last longer than yeonjun.Ā
But you had had enough of watching the two of them being so avoidant. Feeling plagued by kaiās mood and yeonjun absence over something so stupid was annoying. Not caring about your tea you followed after Kai. He was already climbing onto the bed, curling up away from your side, arms crossed and eyes closed as you hopped in after him.Ā
He doesn't acknowledge you are there even when you sneak your arms under him, wrapping him up and being the big spoon behind him. You press your face into his neck, breathing in his comforting smell, humming right against his ear.Ā
āHyuka?ā it's rare you use the nickname, only when you really want something, kai associating it the most with your desperate calls for him to touch you. You can feel his body tightening, your leg raising to lay on top of his, tugging him even closer to you. āYou're so tense,ā Your hand on his stomach rubs in soft circles over the fabric of his hoodie, his breath hitching every time you pass over the waistband of his sweatpants. āYou know I could help with that,āĀ
Kai pulls himself away from you, all the way off the bed as you roll on your back. The little smile on your lips eating him alive. He was hard, painfully so, watching you there softly roll your hips, beckoning him. He can hear the sound of the shower, the beating water, the only other noise in the room, the light under the door fanning out around the floor. He watched you sit up on your knees, right at the edge of the bed, hands reaching out to tug him closer to you.Ā
He let it happen, caved, and leaned down to rest his forehead on yours, eyes pinched closed as he muttered, āYou're Killing me,ā he could feel your smile when you kissed him, arms wrapping around his neck.Ā
You had him right where you wanted him, his whimpers between kisses only pushing you on, pulling him back to the bed. He didn't say anything as he laid back against the headboard, your legs straddling him, and your hands already pulling off his top. āI shouldn't-āĀ
āI won't tell,ā you say in between kisses, his erection pressed into your thigh. āWe can be quick, yeonjun won't even have to know,āĀ
āHeāll know,ā kaiās not even trying to keep it down, his soft whimpers leaving every time he rolls his hips to try and gain friction against your leg. āAnd I won't stop after just once, I don't think it will be enough,āĀ
Both of you jump at the sound of yeonjuns voice, āWhat is this? My girlfriend in bed with another man?ā Neither of you had even heard the water turn off, the steam still wafting out of the bathroom behind yeonjun as he rubbed a towel against his wet hair.Ā
āOh no Huening, I think my boyfriend caught us,ā sometimes the three of you liked to joke like this, poking fun at the idea of what others thought about your relationship. But Kai wasn't in the mood. He wrapped his arms around you, flipping you over so you were on your back and he was on top pushing you into the mattress.Ā
āMy girlfriend, my bed. I want first,ā he leaves no room for argument, his mouth back on your neck, hips grinding into yours.Ā
āGiving up so early already Huening, I knew you couldn't last,ā yeonjun tisks, he sits back in his chair in the corner of the room, his favorite view for moments like this. His towel is draped across his bare shoulders, arms crossed as he looks right at you. āAnd you, I'm sure you teased him into it,āĀ
āno, Iād never do something like that,āĀ
āLiar,ā they both say at the same time, kaiās face pressed against your neck, hot mouth working down your throat. You wrap your legs around him pushing him closer, his breathy whimpers right in your ear. Twisting your fingers into kai's hair you pull on the strands, your smile eating yeonjun alive. He could tell himself he wouldn't cave but he knows it's a slim chance when he sees you like this with huening.Ā
Not when he watches the way your lips fall open when kai pushes into you, the sweet little sounds you're making leaves him hard in seconds. It's worse now too because you're looking at him like you know exactly what he's thinking. And you do know, it's not too hard to guess as he leans back with his arms crossed, knuckles turning white as he readjusts in his seat to try and find some kind of relief.Ā
Kai didn't even feel the need to strip you, pushing your panties to the side and not worrying about preparing you. The guttural moan he released when he was fully seated inside you reverberated against your whole body. He was a mess of whimpers, arms wrapping around you pulling you as close as he could, shallow thrusts in apology for ever denying himself from you. āNever again- I won't- I can't-āĀ he's trying to get the words out, broken moans filtering through each breath he takes.Ā
āHe can't even talk, and I'm not even going to judge because if it's anything like how I remember I'd be just as bad,ā yeonjun mutters, his jaw so tight he hardly opens his mouth to say it.Ā
āJjunie,ā you moan, tugging kais hair as his hips stutter against yours, ādon't you want to cum for me?āĀ Ā
Kai won't last hearing the word come from your mouth, every thrust just making you wetter, your warmth pulling him in. He's surprised he even lasted this long before he felt his first orgasm. If it wasnāt for the way he starts to tremble you wouldn't have noticed that he has cum already, not when he doesnāt pull out, doesnāt even slow down.Ā
āDon't give me that look,ā yeonjun warns, but it is not like you can help it when kai is pulling one of your legs up by the back of your knee, his hips sinking deeper, your eyes rolling back at the new depth.Ā
Yeonjun doesn't even notice how his own hips are moving, leaning back just enough in his chair so that each roll gives him the just right amount of friction against his oversized sweatpants. He's trying not to make it obvious just how hard he is but he's finding it harder and harder to keep his hands off himself and away from you when the headboard starts to creek against the wall.Ā
Huenings lets out a mix of grunts and whimpers, his cum making you so much easier to slip in and out of, the soft slapping sound of his thighs against yours drowning out any other thought in his mind. āLook at me,ā he's gasping, pulling back just enough so that his hand not holding your leg can grasp the headboard, softening the sound for only a second before the bed is back to squeaking.Ā
You don't deny him, his hair hanging around his eyes, mouth open as he feels the first tingle of overstimulation, thin silver chain necklace dangling just above your chin. His knees are digging into the mattress, the angle pushing him so much deeper. You reach down with one hand to rub on your clit, the other scratching at the back of his neck.Ā
He's finding it hard to keep his eyes open as he tried not to cum again, āGod you look so pretty like this,āĀ
āDid you miss me?āĀ
āFuck yes, I missed this- I missed your pussy so- so much,ā he trails off in a whimper, head tossed back exposing his throat to you.Ā
Your orgasm is so close, aided by all of his desperate sounds. When all of his little āah-ahāsā get close together you feel yourself tip over the edge. Kai canāt handle the way you clench around him, the both of you are so wrapped up in each other that you don't notice the way yeonjun has to close his eyes. He's begging and praying that he could be stronger than he is but this is too much for him.Ā
Worst still is how you look over at him at just the last second, a taunt caught right in your creased brow. He can't even take the pressure of his pants anymore, he tugs them down, cock hitting his stomach, heavy and aching. It does little to cure him of this need.Ā
Kai lets go of the headboard, arms pulling you closer as he peppers your face in kisses, his happy giggle pressed right to your pulse. āDo you feel better?āĀ
āSo much,ā he sighs, āI don't even care about losing anymore I just wanted- no I needed you so bad,ā
āYou know who else needs to forget the stupid bet?ā your eyes are trained on the way yeonjun is trying and failing not to move his hips. Every micro-movement brushing his red tip against his skin gives the smallest amount of relief but not enough.Ā
āDon't talk like I'm not right here,ā his eyes are closed, fingers leaving imprints on his biceps.Ā
āYou should help him,ā Kai continues, nose sliding down your cheek before he gives a soft kiss to the edge of your mouth. He pulls away, leaning back on his heels as he pulls out of you, quick to move your panties into place to catch any of your combined release in place to not spill on the sheets.Ā
Standing on shaking legs you stand, stumbling until yeonjun pulls you on top of him. He's groaning as soon as you straddle him, his hands on your hips like a vise. āWhy torture me?āĀ
āNo one said you had to watch, I was content with not letting you know but you sat down and didn't look away,ā your nails lightly scratch over his chest, his humming response matches the subtle way he's trying to grind up into your clothed clit, panties wet and warm against him.Ā
āI'll just put it in, I won't even move, I just- I need something,ā it's like he's asking permission, wondering if this will mean he's failed, if you'll tell on him. Huening chuckles from the bed, knowing the truth because the second yeonjun slips in he won't be able to help himself.Ā
āOkay, I won't move either,ā you slip your hand down to pull your underwear to the side, the dribbles of your slick and kais cum leak all over. Dripping onto yeonjuns veiny cock and stomach. You try to wipe it away, your fingers on him making his ads flex, cock jumping when you put your fingers to your mouth, sucking away the saltiness. You barely get your fingers away from your mouth before yeonjuns kiss you. His favorite taste is you mixed with cum.Ā
When you sink down on him both of you moan, the sound caught right in the back of your throat, his eyes squeezed tight as he tries not to thrust up into you. He's devastated to find that you feel even better than he remembered, his hold on your hips almost bruising as you clench around him.Ā Ā
āThis was a horrible idea,ā heās gasping, āoh shit- i-,ā he's cut off by your first attempt at moving up and down. āNo, donāt, I won't be able to last-āĀ
āBut jjunie-ā you whine, hand pushing into your lower stomach, right over where you can feel him pressing so deep into you. āI wanna cum again,āĀ
āShe's so greedy,ā Kai adds, your hips rocking back and forth enough to leave yeonjun speechless.Ā
Clit grinding onto his pelvis, you don't even care about bouncing anymore, the perfect friction to get you off, the tip of his cock pressed right against your g-spot bumping over and over with each movement of your hips. āYou're going to have to get off, I can't lose- I won't-āĀ
But it's not like he's letting you get off of him, he's actively helping you grind down on him, fingers digging into the flesh of your ass, āfaster-ā he's moaning, your hands on his shoulders for leverage before you're falling apart, your toes curling, every noise pressed right to his ear. The way your walls are fluttering around him makes his balls tighten, āI just won'tcum I just won't- I won't - I- fuck -oh fuuuckk,ā He's not even stopping now, thrusting up into you to ride out his high, shoving all his cum as far as he can get it, not worried anymore when it feels this good.Ā
āYou're the worst,ā yeonjun chuckles after the two of you have caught your breath, āI love you so much, but actually you're evil and I love it,āĀ
āIt's not my fault you couldn't help yourself, I told you it was stupid,āĀ
āI just won't tell anyone this happened,ā he shrugs but kai laughs from the bed.Ā
āI already told everyone you lost,ā
taglist š·: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty want to be added to the taglist? check out my rules to see how to join! want to be taken off the taglist? send an ask!
#cams!1kevent#txt x reader#yeonjun x reader#yeonjun smut#yeonjun#txt yeonjun#choi yeonjun#heuningkai#hueningkai smut#hueningkai x reader#huening kai x reader#txt huening kai#huening txt#huening kai#hueningkai#soobin#beomgyu#taehyun#txt smut#kpop smut#yeonkai x reader
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Animal reference photo compilation concept test!
I've been saving this project for a new website I'm planning, but that's been delayed by the grindstone of capitalism, so I'm going to set up this part early. This is the concept test for a repository of reference photos of a whole bunch of different species of exotic animals.
For every 50 or so photos I take of an animal, there's generally only a couple that I like and are also in focus and also framed correctly. But that led me to realize... all those slightly blurry or off-center photos are probably a great set of references for people interested in general shape/form/movement for their art! So I'm setting up of the idea before fully committing the time into making it happen.
I've been going through my photo backlog and pulling out the shots I think will be useful for art references. Lots of them show posture, facial movement, close-ups of feet or eyes, and walk cycles, but also other behaviors like jumping or drinking. They're not perfect - there's often stuff out of focus or reflections on the glass - but I think they'll still be useful for art?
The link below is to the Dropbox where I'll host these photos until I eventually get that new website/project up and running. Right now I've got folders of four species uploaded for this test: California Condor (CW for carcass feed photos), Jaguar, Komodo Dragon, and Moose. Please go check them out and tell me what you think!
~~WADTT Animal Reference Photos Dropbox Link~~
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What I'm looking to learn from y'all is:
Is this type of reference photo repository useful / worth doing?
Do these photos work or are they too blurry/wonky/there's too many?
What things would make a project like this better? (Caveat, it has to stay on Dropbox for now).
If this turns out to be as useful as I'm hoping, and the photos work, I've got a whole bunch more species to upload.
#zoo photos#art reference#art references#animal photos#drawing reference#this is a test#my photography#zoo photography#feedback requested please#if you use these please tag me in the final art so I can see what they created
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Drawing Likeness: with Tem!
okaay since a few people actually showed interest in me sharing a bit of what I've been doing to figure out how to really capture likeness, specifically Temuera Morrison, I figured id do my best to write it out
I am also going to entice you with some of my recent clone art! (oooh some of it is unreleaaasedd)
I am putting the whole thing under the cut because I have a feeling its going to be long:
Read more!!!
a couple disclaimers before we start
-This is not some definite post about how everyone should be drawing clones, nor is it in any way claiming that this is the right way. This is just my musings as I stare at a mans face for way too long and try to replicate it
-I am inexperienced. As kind as you all are to me, drawing real people is relatively new to me, capturing a persons identity through their features is difficult for anybody, and I am no different. I have watched many a video on likeness and had my share of classes, but If im being honest, i rarely put it into practice successfully. So there'll probably be errors in this post or things i will come back to in a few months and wish I had said/done differently
ANYWAYs you guys get my vibe im just here to ramble and today we are rambling about mr copy paste. I am doing this for Law, my clone boy, because I plan on delving further into oc fanart and I want to put effort into representing him correctly!
SO LETS BEGIN
Before even deciding what specific pose of a person I want to draw, I tend to grab a bunch of references and compile them like so
(all of these can be found on my pinterest)
Why so many? Well, we are about to delve into facial features, so when we are dealing with photos we have to take into account that there are an abundance of circumstances that will influence how a persons face will appear, some of these include:
focal length: All of these are taken on different devices, and focal length can play a big part in distorting faces
age will play a part, your face changes a bunch throughout your life!
lighting, while not as major, can muddy the waters and make it difficult to interpret facial planes and features
SO, to make sure we get a proper grasp of what's really going on, I like to make sure we have lots of options to compare and contrast with.
Next up! What I like to do is block out the main facial features with colour on different layers, the features I block out usually are the general face shape, eyebrows, eyes, nose and lips. But what you are looking for is the defining features of a person, so that could include other things! Maybe a scar, or some particularly prominent cheekbones.
I dont have any rhyme or reason when it comes to picking my colours, all that matters is you can see all the shapes clearly.
Now I may be biased, because Ive been staring at these for 4 hours, but notice how it still looks like Tem? :D
Anyways, now we can break these parts down, and you'll see what I mean about compare and contrast:
We'll start with isolating the facial shape, putting all these next to eachother you'll notice they arent exactly the same (partly because of my shoddy work) But the distinguishing features run through each shape! Namely the very soft rectangular shape I sketched out in the bottom right there. Along with his soft, wide jaw structure.
I did the same for the rest of his features!
You'll notice I highlight the prominent shapes and ratios,
When drawing anything, it is important to start from the very base shapes and build up.
When drawing something you want to look like someone, those shapes relative to other shapes is what makes it look like them.
I didnt use the same technique with his eyes and lips, but I wrote out some helpful info for them! More importantly for his eyes.
When drawing eyes, I find the most important part is where exactly I draw the creases, (along with the overall shape of the eye itself) it is important to understand where those will present themselves with hooded eyes.
NOW, with an understanding of his facial features in place, lets take a detour to colours:
before I start, a couple things to note:
-Temuera morrison versus the clone troopers in the animated shows:
While I love the animated shows they don't exactly stay close to their source material. Im going to link here to an excellent post discussing whitewashing specifically in relation to the clones.
Temuera isĀ MÄori, ofĀ Te ArawaĀ (NgÄti Whakaue) andĀ TainuiĀ (NgÄti Maniapoto,Ā NgÄti Rarua)Ā whakapapa, and also hasĀ ScottishĀ andĀ IrishĀ ancestry.
The MÄori people are theĀ indigenousĀ Polynesian peopleĀ of mainland New Zealand (Aotearoa). MÄori originated with settlers from East Polynesia. MÄori people often vary in skin tone, Skin colour doesn't determine ethnicity. There's often a correlation but it's not a requirement.
But that is a tangent! What we are aiming for is to stay true to Temuera.
Bringing back my reference photos from before, Ive colour picked a buncha values and theyre all over the place. Why doesnt this work?
Similarly to earlier, you have to take into account the photos themselves. Many things like lighting, colour grading (when it comes to filmography) and makeup, can alter how a skin colour presents in photo.
You can attempt to get true to life by swatching from certain places on the face. Here I've tried to pick some photos with good lighting, and I've also tried to avoid overly lit/shaded areas.
Tem has a very warm, tan skin tone, Instead of colour picking I tend to try and replicate it myself, but I do often bring in references to make sure Im staying true to the source!
a brief intermission to talk about colour theory, something I myself struggle with alot. Often, when putting in flat colours without a background, I will forget to make sure the colours i intend to use will work with the skin tone i have picked! (something that is apparent in older works of mine, not just in relation to clones, but in general, the colours I end up with stray largely from their original sources and it is something I am doing my best to keep in mind and improve in! Although I don't think i am nearly experienced enough in the topic to say I have succeeded yet lol.)
anyways back to Tem :))
Now we can put all of that into practice! Things to keep in mind when drawing out a piece next to a reference like this:
the distance between the eyebrows? how far down his face does his nose go? Basically just, in relation to eachother, where do all those shapes we found earlier, sit?
The screenshot above is from before I did it myself, but instead of directly tracing from the reference, a handy trick I use it to complete your sketch first, and then overlay a traced version to see where your inconsistencies are! Alternatively, you could move your sketch over the image, but I didnt do it that way so!! uh!! im sure it works exactly the same!!!!
When it comes to a final illustration, or any sketch that isnt a direct study, of course you can push and pull and stylise! You'll see below that I'm not exactly 1:1 to my reference photo either.
The important thing with stylisation, or at least my own personal understanding of stylisation is that you need to thoroughly understand the thing you are stylizing! "You need to know the rules to break them" and all that. While shapes, lines and rendering can change, when it comes to drawing someone, and making it look like them, you have to make sure to keep their core features true to source. Caricature can capture a persons vibe whilst drastically exaggerating features, but it will only look like them if you KEEP THOSE FEATURES!!!! SHAPES!!! AHHH!!
But that is just my perspective on the discussion of style versus realism, please dont take is as Law, I dont know what Im on about half the time!!
anyways, after fixing your sketch, add local colours!
I rexified him because why tf not! But this is where you can go crazy with that clone personalization!
And then here is a very very barely rendered version (if you guys want me to explain how i RENDER that would need to be a completely different post, and I havent had anyone ask about it yet so who knows! maybe one day) But I digress, hopefully you learnt something new through my ramblings! It has certainly helped me organize my thoughts and I have also found some areas I would like to focus more on in the future to improve my own art!
TLDR: In order to understand an object, be it a face or a building or literally anything, you have to break it down to its simplest forms, understanding LARGER shapes will help you immensely in the long run
If you guys like this sorta content do let me know! I'd be down to do similar things for armor/anything really, I am very anti gatekeep so really anything at all you want to know! Send me an ask :))
also if you see a spelling mistake.. i donāt know how that got there
#can you tell im nervous#iāve never done anything like this BEFORE SPARE ME PLEASE#star wars#star wars fanart#digital art#my art <3#digital aritst#the clone wars#clone trooper#temuera morrison#tutorial#soulars yaps#soulars tutorial
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Common Terms in Helpol!
Hello there! So... Hellenic polytheism has a lot of words, and they can get confusing. It's hard to keep track of so many things! So I thought I would make a list of a whole bunch of common, or maybe not-so-common terms in Hellenic polytheism! Honestly, I really just wanted to make a really long informative post, so here you all go!
If there is any term you would like me to add to this list, let me know and I will gladly add it! Also, at the bottom of this post, I will link other posts where people have done an absolutely amazing job going into detail about one or more of these terms, or maybe others I chose not to include in this list!
Hellenic/Hellenismos/Hellenistic/Helpol
If youāre on helpol tumblr, or really any helpol-focused social media, youāve heard all of these terms, and you may be wonderingā¦ which is the right term for the religion?
Hellenic: of or relating to Greece, its people, or its language specifically:Ā of or relating to ancient Greek history, culture, or art before theĀ HellenisticĀ period (Merriam-Webster). Basically, Hellenic means Greek.
Hellenism: devotion to or imitation of ancient Greek thought, customs, or styles; Greek civilization especially as modified in the Hellenistic period by influences from southwestern Asia; a body of humanistic and classical ideals associated with ancient Greece and including reason, the pursuit of knowledge and the arts, moderation, civic responsibility, and bodily development (Merriam-Webster). Basically, Hellenism means relating to Greek culture.
Hellenismos: Hellenism, but closer to what the word is in Greek, to my understanding.
Hellenistic: of or relating to Greek history, culture, or art after Alexander the Great (Merriam-Webster) The Hellenistic Period refers to 323-31 BCE, from the death of Alexander the Great to the rise of Augustus in Rome.
Hellenic Polytheism (Helpol): Hellenic polytheism, which would literally mean "The worship of more than one Greek god" is generally thought to be the best term for the worship of Hellenic (Greek) gods. And in my opinion, it makes the most sense!
Theoi
Theoi is the ancient Greek word for the Gods. There are many "Types" (sort of) of Theoi, including Theoi Einalioi, Theoi Georgikoi, Theoi Gamelioi, Theoi Kthonioi, Theoi Ouranioi, Theoi Olympioi, Theoi Nomioi, and the Theoi Titanes (Theoi.com) Most commonly mentioned of these "types" of the theoi are Ouranic and Kthonic. Many (if not most or all) gods fit in to more than one of these categories, for example, Lady Aphrodite is part of the Theoi Einalioi (Sea), Theoi Gamelioi (Marriage), Theoi Ouranioi (Sky), and Theoi Olympioi (Olympian).
Ouranic: The Theoi Ouranioi, or Ouranic deities are the gods of the sky. Offerings to Ouranic deities can be eaten, and when praying, palms are traditionally facing up.
Kthonic: The Theoi Kthonioi, or Kthonic deities are the gods of the earth and underworld. Offerings shouldnāt be eaten and when praying, hands are typically down towards the ground.
Khaire/Xaire
Khaire, chaire, or xaire (Greek: ĻĪ±ĪÆĻĪµ) Is a Greek greeting, meaning āhelloā, āhailā, ārejoiceā, āgoodbyeā, or āfarewellā. However, to my understanding it is not used in modern Greek, though itās plural, ĻĪ±ĪÆĻĪµĻĪµ, is occasionally used in formal settings.
I have personally seen many helpols use the spelling ākhaireā as a greeting, while the spelling āxaireā to mean hail or rejoice. As far as I can tell, this is just their personal preference.
Purificationļæ¼
Miasma: āStainā, āDefilementā, āPollutionā. Miasma refers to being extremely ritually impure, and one who is miasmic should not approach the Gods. However, you likely do not have miasma. Miasma comes from murder, incest, assault, and other extremely serious crimes. Miasma affects its surroundings, and can make the area around it also impure, but being a victim to these crimes does not make one miasmic. Without the proper purification, miasmic individuals should not approach the Gods.
Lyma: ādirtā. Lyma is impurity one naturally picks up from the world around them. Humans are not naturally impure, but they can pick up lyma on a normal day to day basis. Examples of lyma include being around/giving birth, blood, being around death/the dead, literal dirt, etc. Having lyma is not necessarily a bad thing, but itās best to wash it away (most people in modern day and in ancient Greece to my knowledge simply wash their hands in running water) before approaching the Gods, similar to washing your hands before dinner. Itās just more respectful.
Khernips: Khernips refers to a flame doused in water and is basically a fancy way of purification. Most of the time, you donāt need to use khernips to rid yourself of lyma, you can just use regular running water, but some prefer to use khernips all the time.
Kharis
Kharis at its most basic definition is a reciprocal relationship with the gods. This means not asking for things without giving anything in return, such as praying for big things without an offering to go with it. Kharis goes both ways, so if you give an offering, a god will often respond to your request.
Xenia
Xenia, meaning āguest-friendshipā and āhospitalityā, is often thought to be an important ideal in Hellenic Polytheism. Many take it to mean inclusivity and kindness to everyone, including strangers. In ancient Greece, xenia was thought to be important because there was always a chance that a guest could be a god in disguise.
Hubris
āexaggerated pride or self-confidence [ā¦] In classical Greek tragedy, hubris was often a fatal shortcoming that brought about the fall of the tragic hero. Typically, overconfidence led the hero to attempt to overstep the boundaries of human limitations and assume a godlike status, and the gods inevitably humbled the offender with a sharp reminder of their mortality.ā - Merriam-Webster. Basically, hubris is putting oneself at the same or higher level than the Theoi.
Offerings
Offerings: Gifts to the gods. Common offerings include foods, art, music, trinkets that remind you of the god the offering is for, etc.
Libations: Liquid offerings to the gods. Libations can be poured on the ground or into a container. Common libations include wine and water (though I personally like to offer Diet Coke, but thatās just me)
Devotional Acts: Things done in honor of the gods. Often, these are used as a more subtle way of offering. An example of a devotional act would be for Lady Aphrodite, doing oneās skincare/makeup, or spending time with a loved one.
Patron
In modern helpol spaces, I often see the word patron used to mean a god one closely worships. However, in ancient Greece, a patron god was one who held dominion over certain aspects of your life, such as your job, hobbies, identity, or where you lived. For example, Lady Athena is the patron of Athens, and Lord Hermes is the patron of travelers and thieves.
Epithets
An epithet is āa descriptive term (word or phrase) accompanying or occurring in place of a nameā, sometimes described as a nickname. Epithets often refer to qualities of the one they are given too, whether by appearance (ex. Bright-Eyed Athena), personality (ex. Zeus the Merciful), history (ex. Sea foam born Aphrodite), or actions (Swift-Footed Achilles). Gods and some heroes have epithets.
Reconstructionism/Revivalism
Reconstructionism and Revivalism are two different ways of practicing helpol (not specific to helpol, but Iām just talking about that here). When done respectfully, neither is wrong, nor better/worse than the other.
Reconstructionism: āReconstructionism attempts to re-establish genuine polytheistic religions in the modern world through a rediscovery of the rituals, practices and contextual worldviews of pre-Christian pagan religions.ā In other words, reconstructionists attempt to recreate the religious practices of ancient times as closely as possible (while usually modifying some things such as animal sacrifice that arenāt as acceptable nowadays).
Revivalism: Revivalism refers to those who practice in a more modern way, while still keeping in mind the ancient traditions. An example of something that a revivalist might do is a digital offering, something that would not have been possible in ancient Greece.
UPG, SPG, and VPG
Unverified Personal Gnosis: UPG refers to an experience, belief, or association with a deity that isn't backed up historically. UPGs are personal, and others may or may not agree with or share them.
Shared Personal Gnosis: SPG, also known as PVPG (Peer Verified Personal Gnosis), refers to experiences, beliefs, or associations shared by many worshippers of certain deities. Though they don't hold as much weight as beliefs backed up historically, they tend to hold more weight than UPGs.
Verified Personal Gnosis: VPG means that an experience, belief, or association someone has is backed up by historical sources.
Great Helpol Resources
These are mostly just some amazing other tumblr posts that have helped me a lot and also explain some of these terms in more detail/better than I have.
Xenia and UPG vs SPG vs VPG ~ @beautyofaphrodite (me)
Miasma, Lyma, and Khernips ~ @sisterofiris
Beginnerās Guide to Hellenic Polytheism ~ @wisdom-devotee
Ouranic, Kthonic, and Einalic ~ @pietyandpearls
Blogs such as @khaire-traveler and @atheneum-of-you are also amazing! khaire-traveler has some great subtle worship posts, and atheneum-of-you has some amazing and very well researched informative posts.
As always, if something I mentioned is wrong, weirdly worded, confusing, I missed something, etc, please please please let me know and Iāll do my best to fix it! Much love š«¶
#beautyofaphrodite shrine#helpol#aphrodite#hellenic community#hellenic deities#hellenic gods#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#hellenic polythiest#hellenic worship#hellenic devotees#hellenic polytheistic#hellenic paganism#hellenism#hellenistic#hellenic devotion#hellenismos#beautyofaphrodite speaks#pagan#paganism#paganblr#aphrodite worship#aphrodite goddess#aphrodite deity#theoi#theoi worship#the theoi#ouranic gods#kthonic gods#lady aphrodite
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THURSDAY - .... um...?
well would you look at that. the blue bitchass is beginning to give up... how wonderful doing a party ain't easy don't try this at home-
WELL... since... SMG4 isn't going to announce something cool, i um, will! similar to the 1K birthday party last year on thursday, i'll show an itty bitty wip update once more on:
LIPBITE PART 3!!
since i already teased lil bit from this page a few days ago, i thought might as well show the whole thing!! obviously not final, but very close to it. frankly i've been meaning to have this next part done before 2025, yet i kept getting really sick, and having to manage several projects and irl issues/events. hopefully within my last spring semester i can continue working little by little but i can't genuinely guarantee a date. other than later this year LMAO. but what i CAN guarantee is i'm making sure its as great- maybe even better than pt2 as i'm putting a little more effort and thought from improving the past few months. alas, it is slowly in the works and reminder to folks i AM in my senior year and will be graduating THIS SPRING!! yippee!!! hopefully, after this event i can get back to prioritizing this one as i slowly get back to college. either way, once its done, i hope you guys will enjoy it as much as i do and hopefully the wait will be somewhat worth it. until then, wait patiently fuckers /silly
BUT THATS NOT ALL!!
since obviously that one sketch above ain't going be enough
here's a bunch of other things i've worked on during my fall semester that seems pretty cool and relevant but never uploaded on here !!
this is a illustration piece i made for my screen printing class! with the printed one being off from the reference since i put the color order wrong LMAO and i also wanted to experiment how chaotic i could make it hehehe. kinda shy to share this piece in particular, but its honestly one of my favorites i've done, so theres no harm in sharing
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the same class, but as 1/3 of my final, i had to make books! but because i'm horrible with using pins and too picky with paper + string alignment, i thought it would be best i do... well... a very silly collage-like project xDDD buTT!! this one taking the opportunity to make a cool TSB book!!!
lastly, something even more crazy, another final from one of my other classes... a kickstarter.
BUTT PLEASE LET ME STATE THAT THIS IS FAKE AND PURELY MADE FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES. I AM SOLELY SHARING FOR FUN AND ENTERTAINMENT. THIS ISN'T REAL WHATSOEVER AND VERY LIKELY WONT EVER BE.
okay legal reasons out of the way-
i've shared this with very few people on my server, HOWEVER, instead of me being in control what you can and can not see, i've decided to just let it out for people to see the silly jokes and additions around the page i've made on your own free will, and additionally to help folks get a more semi-direct answer to what TSB story is to those who haven't caught up or confused! a win-win lmao
welp. time's nearly up for me so i will flee for now. hopefully this satisfied some interested despite not being TOO grand, but just small silly goodies for the day.
but if you're still reading this, all i gotta say is tomorrow is a more special day. something i'm very proud of and hope ya'll will enjoy š
#what if i uploaded early?#what then?#smg4#tsb#tsb official#smg4 oc#smg4 mario#tsb birthday bash#tsb birthday crash
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Where is this Baby Death AU I'm hearing so much about? I'm dumb and don't know how to do things on the internet, help! XD
Nah, you're a smart cookie! This website is just tough to navigate sometimes.
All you need to do is go to my blog.
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From there hit that cool little magnifying glass button.
Then search 'Baby Death AU'
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That should pull up everything I've posted for it! (not a whole lot, I'll admit)
But if you don't feel like rummaging through those posts, I'll give you a quick summary:
When Voldemort hits Harry with the killing cure in the forest, the spell backfires (again). Only this time, it creates a life instead of taking one. This leaves the once prophesied enemies with a baby that holds quite a resemblance to the two of them. Confused and curious as to how this accrued, Harry and Voldemort agree to a truce and are now stuck Co-Parenting their 'happy little accident'.
However, what they don't realize is that this sweet buddle of joy is actually Death!
You see, Death wasn't very happy with Voldemort running around making horcruxes, so he seizes the opportunity to take mortal form in hopes of foiling any future plans the 'Dark Lord' may have for immortality.
What follows is a bunch of goofy hijinks as Death, Harry and Voldemort navigate their new life as a ...somewhat functional family.
--
Other things to note in this AU(so far):
-Harry is the 'Master of Death' in this AU (though he doesn't know this and still doesn't). Death even tried to call him 'Master', at first, but as a baby, the word proved to be too difficult to get out. This resulted in Harry being referred to as 'Ma' or 'Ma-Ma' (much to everyone's confusion, but hey! it stuck *shrugs*)
-Baby Death was given the name Thomas Sirius Potter. (this was the result of a twitter poll I took to help me pick out a name. personally i find it hilarious and very on brand for how harry would name his kid.)
-Thomas is a Hufflepuff! (also the result of a twitter pole.)
-Nagini is the only one who knows Thomas is Death.
-Voldemort and Bella used to be an item, but he broke it off after Thomas was...'born?'. Now she's constantly scheming up ways to win him back. Sadly for her, they never work.
-Harry and Voldemort do eventually end up 'together' but not until Thomas leaves for his first year at Hogwarts.
--
I think that should about cover it...OH! Hold on!
Here are some awesome fics that were written base on the original prompt 'When Voldemort hits Harry with the killing cure in the forest, it creates a life instead of taking one':
The Heir de la Mort by @rowena-rain
Bloody Gorgeous by @laserswordtraining
(be sure to mind the tags!)
--
Okay, now I'm done rambling. Thanks for the ask, and I hope you enjoy this silly little AU!
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Bat-Family Nicknames and Insults
So I went off the other day because fans keep having people who aren't Roy Harper call Jason Todd "Jaybird" and now I'm thinking about all the other nickname misconceptions so here's a probably non-comprehensive list of nicknames among the Bat Fam.
(Special thanks to @sohotthateveryonedied for a bunch of my data, she made a whole powerpoint with actual comic panels! Go check that out! Also got some info from @kiragecko who was writing some lists with more specific references.)
This list is an active document and will be edited in the event I find more nicknames or have more to say
Addendum note: I'm more than willing to add something I forgot, but you must have receipts. I'm not just going off of memory. Nothing will be added to this list without proof. If you don't have a source, please don't make a suggestion.
This is aside from assorted common insults and nicknames like jerk, ass, shorty, dude, idiot, etc.. Sidenote, every not-Steph Robin has been called āLittle Birdā, āBirdboyā and/or āWonder Boyā at some point. Itās kinda part of the job lol Secondary side-note, the only ones who REALLY use nicknames for people are Barbara and Jason. And Tim specifically in reference to Damian. Everyone else pretty much uses their names 98% of the time. Final note (sorryyyyyy) generally unless they're funny to me, I'm not including things used only once unless I have gotten vibes that it's a trend. This is an attempt to compile recurring nicknames. So ones noted to be used once are either I can only confirm it happened once but could happen multiple times, or I think it's hilarious.
Alfred Pennyworth
Al/Alf Seems to be a common nickname among the boys.
Alfie Dick, Tim, and Jason have all called him this.
Alfredo Jason called him this at least once and I think thatās funny. Not sure itās exclusive though.
Mom Dick seems to have referred to him as such onceā¦Iām sorry but thatās so funny.
Alfred also has specific ways of referring to everyone: Bruce: Master Bruce, Mister Wayne, Lad, Bruce, My Son Barbara: Mistress Barbara, Miss Barbara, Miss Gordon, Miss Oracle Dick: Master Dick, Master Richard, Master Grayson, Dear Boy, Young Sir, Young Man, Richard, Dick Cassandra: Miss Cassandra, Young Cassandra, My Dear Jason: Master Jason, Young Sir, Lad, Jason Tim: Master Tim, Master Timothy, Young Master Tim, Lad, Young Sir, Young Man, Timothy, Tim Damian: Master Damian, Young Master Damian, Young Sir, Young Man, Son, Damian
Bruce Wayne
Spooky Oliver Queen calls him this, others might as well but I legitimately have no idea.
Batsy Everyone and their goddamn dog, but Joker uses this notably a lot.
Detective RA'S AL GHUL EXCLUSIVE. I think? But this is how Ra's generally refers to Bruce.
B-Man HARLEY QUINN EXCLUSIVE...I think. She calls him this a lot though.
While Dick and Jason will internally think of Bruce as their father, Dick rarely says so and extremely rarely calls him āDadā. Jason would only say so mockingly or under pain of a second death. Tim rarely even thinks of Bruce as his father (he didnāt become Robin to be Bruceās kid, and he doesnāt want to replace his own fatherāmuch the same way Dana didnāt replace Janet) and never refers to him as such outside of WE work (where he very much uses that to his advantage). Damian almost exclusively refers to Bruce as āFatherā but has called him "Dad". Steph sometimes calls him āBossā. Everyone usually calls him "Bruce".
He refers to ALL of the boys as āchumā and āladā at some point. Itās just how he used to talk honestly. He DOES NOT call them āsweetieā or āhoneyā or anything like that. He DOES, however, speak to small children this way. There are multiple instances of him using "sweetheart" and similar terms when dealing with young children. This differentiation I think is for two reasons. One, Bruce is emotionally stunted and being open with anyone outside of actively comforting is difficult for him, and two, the youngest child he has ever had himself was 9 years old so he's never had a small child he'd be likely more inclined to be extra super soft with.
Barbara Gordon
Babs Most people call her this. Bruce doesnāt seem to though, oddly enough.
Babsy/Babsie Both Dick and Jim Gordon have called her this. Very cute.
Barb/Barbie Nearly exclusive to Jason Todd, actually. I think her dad calls her this once in a while, but specifically Jason calls her this.
Babes A few of her friends call her this, but mostly Luke Fox when they were dating.
Red A few people call her this, but mostly Jason and not real often. Probably cuz we already have a red-head often referred to as āRedā (Pam Isely by Harley) and as to not be confused with the other two Reds in the family (Red Hood and Red Robin).
The High Priestess of Tech More of a reference than a nickname, but I think itās funny. Dick referred to her as such.
O For Oracle!
Dick Grayson Exclusives because Boyfriend Baby Love Beautiful
Richard Grayson
Dick Everyone calls him this. Almost no one calls him Richard.
Dickie His parents also called him this, along with other people who knew him from Halyās Circus, but otherwise itās mostly just Jason.
Dickster Iā¦hate that this is canon lmao. Dick has thought this one in his inner monologue, but Jason has also said it at least once. Itāsā¦Something.
Circus Boy Common insult, Jason uses it a few times.
Tight Ass No comment.
Rob Kinda rare for him and more a Tim thing, but his Titans team call him this sometimes. I specifically remember Wally doing so, and Roy too I think.
Boy Wonderful Not marking this as exclusive because Babs probably used it at one point but, shockingly (or not) this comes from Wally West! Wally has also called his Titans team as a group āDear Heartsā at least once which is just so fucking cute. Neeeeeerd.
Kid Not exclusive to him, but consistently called this by Slade Wilson/Deathstroke over most anything else.
Marcia TIM DRAKE EXCLUSIVE. A joke between him and Tim, assigning each Bat-boy a Brady Bunch member.
Little Robin MARY GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. This is where the hero name Robin came from; Dickās mom used to call him this.
Dickie-Bird JASON TODD EXCLUSIVE. Jason calls Dick this a lot during his weird appearances in Nightwing that I pretend never happened because it was weird and dumb. But it is a canonical nickname. And itās funny.
Amy Rohrbach Exclusives because Partner Rookie Stud Cowboy Sherlock Mr. Confident
Barbara Gordon Exclusives because Girlfriend (and because sheās funny) Flatterer Boyfriend The Brightest, Sweetest, Most Handsome, Wealthiest Young Bachelor on the Entire East Coast Buckaroo Bucko Candy-Gram Darling Lover Love Hunk Wonder Man Wonder Hound Wonder Former Teen Wonder Twenty Something Wonder Blue Wonder Poor Lovable NaĆÆve Dope Pixie Boots
Cassandra Cain
Cass Pretty much everyone calls her this.
Cassie Some people call her this, specifically the people closest to her; Stephanie, Tim, Barbara, Bruce, and Duke. Itās generally used sparingly, especially considering Tim is close to ANOTHER Cassandra who goes by āCassieā almost exclusively, so Cass is generally preferred to avoid confusion. But Cassie is tossed around.
Batghoul Possibly Stephanie Brown exclusive, though easy enough that I wouldnāt be surprised if others called her that. She is notoriously spooky.
Bat-Babe KON-EL/CONNER KENT EXCLUSIVE. These two are actually good friends and dated for a short time. Theyāre very cute. And they met at the time Kon was justā¦Like That.
Jason Todd
Jay Literally everyone calls him this sometimes. Itās a common nickname.
Jace/Jase Also pretty common, but seems to mostly be among family. Dick and Bruce have at least both called him this.
The Toddster Was called such by Danny Chase, implying they were friends somehow? (Jason didn't have many Titans missions so idk how they were close enough for him to call him that). He calls him that when he discovers Jasonās status in the system is āunknownā, leading him to find out heās dead.
Rojo Referred to himself as this once while he was still a crime boss, so presumably some of his gang called him this too. Obviously Spanish for red because Red Hood.
Little Bird Possibly exclusive to Barbara Gordon, she called him this in a flashback.
Jan That Dick and Tim Brady Bunch joke. Just imagine one of them looking Jason dead in the eye and saying āSure, Jan.ā
Little Wing DICK GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. Called Robin Jason this in Nightwing Year 1 and itās very cute.
Jaybird ROY HARPER EXCLUSIVE. The reason Iām making this post because no one seems to remember that Roy and only Roy has ever called Jason this. But any time these two appear together, itās usually said at least once.
Stephanie Brown
Steph Pretty much everyone calls her this at one point.
Stephie A few people if I recall, but I know Timās called her that.
Blondie Pretty sure a few people call her this, but notably Harper Row.
Damian Wayne Exclusives because He Was A Brat Wench Fatgirl Girl Blunder
Timothy Drake
Tim Everyone to the point where itās just his name.
Timmy A lot of people call him this pretty teasingly. Dick, Jason, and Babs do it consistently, but thatās older siblings for ya. Bernard has done it too.
Timbo Dick and Jason as well as his friend Ives have called Tim this at the very least. Tim notably doesn't seem to like it, though he has used it himself in a derogatory way in his inner monologue.
Timbers Iāve only ever seen Jason call him this, but I could be missing things. Would not be surprised if Dick did too, but itās very Jason.
Rob Most of Young Justice called him that up until he revealed his name (which took a while because Bruce was being controlling and overprotective, as he does). Short for āRobinā, obviously, which is all they knew him as.
My Robin Iām pretty sure each member of Young Justice has said this about Tim, though Conner does it the most and has the biggest negative reaction to literally anyone but Tim being Robin.
Cindy DICK GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. Itās that Brady Bunch joke again!
Little Brother DICK GRAYSON EXCLUSIVE. I didn't originally include it because it had the same vibes as like "dude" or "jerk"; something that's easily tossed around, y'know? And it feels like a descriptor, but it is actually used as a title/nickname several times, especially when Dick is messing with Tim.
Pretender JASON TODD EXCLUSIVE. Though it should be noted, he only directly called him this one time. Aside from that, he more refers to Tim as A pretender, not as like a nickname or title. Itās a description. (like āreplacementā was but fandom made that a nickname yes I am in fact bitter)
Duckboy HARLEY QUINN EXCLUSIVE. She says this once, but itās hilarious so Iām keeping it.
Detective RAāS AL GHUL EXCLUSIVE. Raās is very particular about titles. The only other person he refers to as āDetectiveā is Bruce, and Dick one time in his internal monologue, so he is acknowledging Timās competence. And then proceeds to get a large portion of his resources obliterated by Tim <3
Stephanie Brown Exclusives because Girlfriend Sweetie Muffin Boy Virgin
Duke Thomas
Narrows Almost Jason exclusively, though I think Harper has called him this once or twice. In reference to the neighborhood he grew up in, as opposed to Jason and Harper's Park Row aka Crime Alley upbringing.
Newbie Jason calls him this frequently, though it's likely the others have too.
Baby Bird ELAINE THOMAS EXCLUSIVE. Yeah, surprisingly Duke is actually called this by his mom.
Damian Wayne
Gremlin Mostly exclusive to Tim, but Jason has called him this too. This also seems to be Timās go-to for Damian when not using his name or codename.
Dami Used by Jon Kent and Talia al Ghul, so presumably those closest to him.
Little D I think Barbara Gordon exclusive but Iām not sure.
Cousin Oliver Not said to his face to my knowledge, but the Brady Bunch in-joke between Dick and Tim.
Prince/Your Highness (other royal variations) A common way to mock Damian for his haughty air and stuck-up attitude. More common in the past because Damian was The Worst and never shut up about being the heir to Batman and the Demon's Head. He's grown a lot since then and this kind of joke is used less. He is still pretty snooty though.
D JON KENT EXCLUSIVE. I have yet to see anyone else call him this at least, and this is how Jon almost always refers to him.
Baby Bird TALIA AL GHUL EXCLUSIVE. Iāve seen her call him this once, and I donāt recall ever seeing anyone else call him this. Just wanted it known that Talia is the only one to call Damian this.
Tim Drake Exclusives because Tim is Petty and Damian was a Brat Little Monster Hobbit Homunculus Little snot Spoiled, vicious and homicidal little punk Heir to the Kingdom of the Damned
Note on how Damian refers to others: Damian usually uses full first names or surnames, depending on circumstance and closeness. He occasionally calls Dick āDickā or āRichardā, but often calls him āGraysonā. He almost always refers to Tim as āDrakeā, but occasionally as āTimothyā.
Fanon names that I dislike
Replacement Jason never once calls Tim this, and refers to Tim as A replacement about as much as Dick did about Jason (Yes Dick has at least once when talking to Bruce referred to Jason as his replacement). How common it is in this fandom to call Tim "Replacement" (with a capital R like it's a name or title!!!) drives me absolutely insane. It's not canon and tbh you can do better. Hell, "pretender" is right there! And Jason's a nerd, he would do better.
Baby Bird Likeā¦itās cute, but given itās used in fanon almost exclusively for Tim, and POST DAMIAN, it just feels infantalizing. Especially when the only canon uses are mothers towards their kids. I see this a lot with Dick and Jason using it, which is...just no. Like, Dick, I get it, but he's more likely to call Tim "Little Brother". Jason would never allow himself to be seen as this soft to Tim. If he were trying to be gentle with him, he'd probably call him "kid". He's done that before.
Baby Bat(s) I have seen this used literally twice. Once where a goon mockingly called Tim that, and once in an AU where Harley said it to Damian. "Baby Bat" isn't a thing. Sorry.
Big Bird More amusing than anything but a little annoying. No one ever calls Dick that in canon and whenever I read it all I can think of is Sesame Street so unless a giant yellow muppet bird is what you're going for, maybe don't do that lol
Demon Brat/Demon Spawn Not the most egregious thing, especially considering the numerous nicknames Tim comes up with, but the consistency of its usage in fanon is a little frustrating. This is never used in-canon, and if you want to use it in your fanworks, just maybe intersperse it with other more creative nicknames, yeah? It's just unoriginal at this point.
Jaylad I donāt hate this one, but itās such a huge misconception that itās canon. Bruce has said āJay, ladā a couple times because he calls like every boy he meets āladā and people made up āJayladā. Not the worst thing ever, but it's not canon.
Golden Boy I don't actually have a problem with this one, but I may as well clear up that this is canon as a descriptor but not as a nickname for Dick. Like calling Jason "the dead Robin". Like, people have said that about him in-canon, but they haven't called him that. The common derivative "Goldie" is entirely fanon.
Non-canon nicknames I think are funny
Dick-face/Dickhead Iām sorry, I find it hilarious whenever someone (usually Jason) in fanfic calls him this. Itās also to me just a silly exaggeration of the obvious joke that has been made at least once (but probably several times by now) in canon about someone being about to call Nightwing a dick and someone else reminding them not to use names in the field. I think itās hilarious.
Timberly I canāt tell you why this specific deviation of Tim is funny to me but it is. And I'm surprised I haven't seen Jason call Tim this in canon.
#DC Comics#Bat Family#Nicknames#Alfred Pennyworth#Bruce Wayne#Barbara Gordon#Dick Grayson#Cassandra Cain#Jason Todd#Stephanie Brown#Tim Drake#Duke Thomas#Damian Wayne#Batfam
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Hate It When You Leave
pairing: f!reader x rafe cameron
plot: you are trying to cope with the fact that you're hopelessly in love with your best friend. he's trying to cope with the fact that you don't go after the things you want... including him.
warnings: 18+, best friends to lovers trope, use of Y/N, mentions of alcohol and past drug use, non-graphic references to violence, some angst & jealousy, fluff and smut (public sex, teasing, oral female receiving)
word count: 6.5 k
There are parts about wearing your heart on your sleeve that no one ever talks about.
For instance, that it's hard to fix your face when the threads keeping that heart together feel like they're getting tugged, cut, and re-bunched into an ugly knot.Ā
The water bottle you're holding hardly has any life left. Even Kelce comments as much when he rounds his kitchen island, limbs swinging and loose thanks to the red Solo cup in his hand. He takes one look at the tight smile on your lips and tilts his head to the side, fingers twitching upward to your chin as he turns your head to face him.Ā
"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" He asks, voice a little slurred, but thick with concern.
That was Kelce. Polarizingly good at getting to what someone was hiding underneath.Ā
But appearances went a long way for him. And he was so agreeable, it made him easy to lie to. Especially when he and Topper had practically begged you to come to this party, his first one since graduating college. Everyone would be there, he'd said.
And he was right, they were.Ā
"Nothing, Kels, it's just my stomach being a little funny." You tell him with a renewed sense of enthusiasm. You gaze at him warmly and quirk a brow, smiling genuinely. "How do you always know?"
"We've known each other our whole lives!" He barks in a laugh. "There's nothing I don't know about you."
You feel your heart squeeze again, like there's a too-tight belt around it. But you humour him with a sweet giggle and convinced nod, and it's all Kelce needs before he's walking away to mingle with another.Ā
How shocked he'd be to know that thereĀ wasĀ something you were hiding.Ā
You keep the water bottle you're holding close to your body as if it would fall straight out of your hands otherwise. When you watch the brunette seated next to Rafe on the couch squeeze his bicep again, you think it might just fall anyway.Ā
Some things don't change.Ā
The sun goes up and down. The moon makes a nightly appearance. Kelce never dresses for the weather. Topper claims everyone else is cheating when he loses.Ā
You love Rafe Cameron.
"Fucking sucks, doesn't it?" A voice rings next to you.
You slowly turn your head from where you're sitting on the kitchen island to see a familiar face lounging on one of the high-chairs.Ā
Topper, apparently, had always had an inkling.Ā
"I don't know what you're talking about, Top." You grumble, casting your eyes away from the blonde protagonist of most of your dreams. Some of your nightmares, too.Ā
You watch as Topper rolls his eyes without so much as glancing at you, a small scoff escaping his lips. He takes a hearty sip from his cup of brown liquid. Tracking his eye-line, you're unsurprised to find that he's staring wistfully at the very same blonde's sister.Ā
Sarah Cameron is dancing in the corner of the room with John B., her boyfriend.Ā
A Pogue at a Kook party... the thought still makes you skeptical.
Not because you didn't like John B., or more accurately, like him for Sarah. But because a few short years ago, all this seemed entirely impossible.
Nonetheless, Sarah was important to all of you.Ā
And, like she'd said, Rafe listened to you better than he did anyone else.
When you explained to him how smitten his sister was with the boy, and considering how their relationship had endured far past those murmurings of 'young love' to, what was at this point,Ā yearsĀ together, he'd begun to understand that John B. wasn't going anywhere.Ā
Much to Topper's devastation.Ā
He promised he was over her, and he dated like it, too. But there were those moments where he had a few drinks in him and it made you think otherwise.Ā
"Oh, okay. My fault." Topper replies sarcastically, downing what's left in his cup and finally turning away from the couple he's burning holes through. "I thought we were being honest."
"IĀ amĀ being honest."
He glances at you sharply.Ā
"Uh huh. Hey, don't freak out, but, your nose is like, growing really long. Never seen anything like it before. It's like in that movie! What's it called, again? Puppet boy? No, that can't be right..."
"Very funny, Topper." You say dryly, but the hint of a smile on your lips sells you out and he chuckles next to you.Ā
"I was thinking Pinocchio." He fake recalls, nudging your elbow.Ā
This time, you laugh with your chest, and when you lift your head up to take it all in again, your eyes meet familiar blue ones from across Kelce's living room.
By now, you know how to mediate the warmth that blooms at the base of your spine and consumes you completely.Ā
There's a comfortable silence between the two of you before Topper starts speaking again.Ā
"You know he would do anything for you, right?"Ā
You chew on your bottom lip, still holding eye contact with Rafe who gives you a crooked smile. The girl next to him leans in to whisper something in his ear. He keeps looking at you.Ā
"Yeah, I know." You mumble half-heartedly. "I just feel like I might need to cut my losses at this point."Ā
Topper frowns for a moment, then stands up from his seat.Ā
"Well, you suit yourself." He pinches your cheek affectionately. "Because I, for one, want to crash and burn."
You snort at Topper's words and just as quickly watch him round the kitchen counter to grab another drink.Ā
Preoccupied with the way he extends that gesture to you, fixing some gross concoction of different sodas for you to sip on, a shiver rolls over your skin when it feels like Rafe's smouldering eyes are still lighting a fire on your face.Ā
Aron Andersen is a douche, but he means well.Ā
At least, that's the excuse you aways placate Rafe with when Aron inevitably runs his mouth, the blonde's fists tightening nearly every time in conjunction.
Typically, you opt for the pacifist approach because blood is a bitch to clean, Rafe whines when you clean him up with saline, and frankly, Aron isn't worth it.
But tonight, he seems to enjoy testing your threshold for patience like no one else before him.Ā
You suppose he's not entirely to blame. Kelce makes his drinks strong, and half of Figure 8 is sucking up all the oxygen in the room.
Maybe that was why Rafe had almost swung on John B. only a few minutes prior, claiming the younger man was feeding his sister lies about him. Perhaps it was just one of those nights.Ā
Still, you sigh when Aron drunkenly makes his way over to your new spot in the backyard, and press your lips tight together when he shoves a beer in your direction.Ā Ā
"I'm not drinking tonight, Aron." You tell him plainly.Ā
Aron haphazardly plops down into the lounge chair next to you with his glossy, red eyes narrowing.
He grudgingly pulls the beer back from you and takes a sip that pools around the sides of his mouth, then drains down his throat slow and loud.Ā
"ThatĀ sucks. You're more fun when you do." He scoffs.
Your mouth falls open as the words leave his lips, head spinning to meet his annoyed gaze. The faraway look in his eyes makes you gulp.
In no particular mood to be berated, you have half a mind to scoff back and get up to leave. But there's something about the way he speaks completely unadulterated that keeps your body locked in place.
Like you're dying to know what someoneĀ reallyĀ thinks of you.
"Why not?" He presses, gesturing with his finger accusingly.Ā
"I'm driving."
He continues to stare at you blankly.
"I'm driving." You reiterate, irritation seeping into your tone. "And drunk driving is illegal, Aron. You do know that, right?"
Unintentionally, your eyes flicker to a slightly rowdy and staggering Topper across the room. Aron zeroes in on that and rolls his eyes emphatically.Ā
"Now it makes sense. You're taking yourĀ boyfriendsĀ home." He pitches the word in a scornful taunt, squinting over your shoulder. "Where is Cameron, anyway?"
You feel your heartbeat rage in your chest, tongue numb and mind in disarray.Ā
"Don't be a dick, Aron. They're my friends." You bristle. But he seems unfazed, lazily quirking an eyebrow.Ā
"Please don't tell me you're that stupid, Y/N.Ā Friends?" He laughs obnoxiously. "I get you're in love with the guy, but you run around for them like a maid. You ask me, the least you should be getting out of it is a good fuck."
Your fingers twitch at your side as you shoot up from your seat, really and truly considering that pouring his beer over his head might be the best option.
Given that Aron routinely takes up two parking spots to park his Range Rover and cheats on his girlfriends, you think it might be a long time coming.Ā
His words hurt for more than one reason. Of course, because he'd sooner die than recognize that you very much could maintain a healthy, platonic, and meaningful relationship with your friends of over a decade.
But also because, when it came to Rafe, he was goading you with a kind of intimacy you knew you'd never be able to access. At least not in the way you wanted.Ā
When a firm hand grips Aron's shoulder strongly and whips his body around, you soon realize you don't have to resort to such a physical display.Ā
While it was true that Rafe's face didn't make him look particularly kind, he'd only been seriously pissed off, to the point that his stomach felt like caving in on itself, a few times. Like in those months right after he'd graduated high school and felt like a big question mark. Every time his dad looked at him disapprovingly, it affirmed that sinking feeling in him, and he learned that he sometimes articulated his sadness in anger.
These days when he's mad, he mulls the feeling over a few times in the interest of scraping for another feeling underneath.Ā
Now, though, all Rafe feels when he meets Aron's arrogance with an intensity of his own, is unbridled rage.Ā
"What theĀ fuckĀ did you just say?"
Rafe speaks at a low register that makes your breath quicken. His movements are a little clumsy, blue eyes slightly glazed over, and his dirty blonde hair kisses his forehead that's speckled with sweat. Cheeks dusted red in that way that you love, more prominent when he's inebriated.
His fingers are still pressing harshly into Aron's shoulder, pressure concentrated and steady if the way he winces is any indication. For a second, his eyes flit over to you and the frown on your face, and they begin to soften. But then Aron is sputtering and stealing his attention and he hates him all over again for it.Ā
"My bad, bro." Aron offers lamely, hands jutting upward in surrender. He attempts to step away, but Rafe keeps him locked there.Ā
"Yeah, it's your fucking bad, bro." Rafe sneers.
He roughly shoves Aron backwards as he lets go of him and the man quickly scurries away knowing that if he sticks around, Rafe will probably force him through clenched teeth to apologize to you.
You feel your heart hammering in your chest for a different reason.
Your mind is trapped in a loop, repeating every word you said to Aron over and over again, wondering how incriminating they were, and debating how much exactly Rafe had heard.
And if he had, if he was coherent enough to either dismiss or believe the accusation that you loved him. No, not love, you shudder...Ā inĀ love. Aron had said, verbatim, that you were in love with him.Ā
"I would've handled it." You mumble with your arms crossed over your chest.
Rafe sighs as he turns his body to face you, rubbing a hand over his jaw, now partially relieved of the tension it was holding. He chews on his bottom lip cautiously, like it'll help break the fall of the words bound to spill out of his mouth, a little too unrestrained in his drunk state for his liking.Ā
"I know that." He nods slowly. "I just wanted to help to helpĀ you... handle it."
He stumbles a little as he moves toward you and you instinctively wrap an arm behind his torso, holding him against your body as a human splint.Ā
"Plus, I kinda have a reputation going for me. No one's losing their shit if I fight a guy."
"Or two." You say pointedly, thinking about his almost altercation with John B. earlier in the night.Ā
Rafe buries his head into your shoulder, groaning loudly into the bare skin as it heats up and vibrates.Ā
"Fuck, not you, too."
He lifts his head up to continue, and you lug his body towards the living room where you spot Topper talking with Kelce and some others. Without speaking, Topper seems to understand what you're saying, nodding then pointing to himself followed by the stairs.Ā
He'd driven you to Kelce's and you promised to stay sober and drive him back home. But now, it seemed like the plan was going to shift.
Topper would stay the night at Kelce's and take his car back in the morning. You would take Rafe's truck back to his place and walk the rest of the way. You were practically neighbours, anyway.Ā
"If she wants to talk shit about me to her boyfriend, that's one thing. But him, talking shit about me, to her? What's he trying to do? Turn my own sister against me?"Ā
"I get it, Rafe. I really do." You nod, an amused smile on your lips as you tug him out of the front door and towards his truck. "But you promised Sarah you'd be nice, remember?"
"IĀ amĀ being nice." He protests with his hands tapping at his chest. "I didn't even fucking touch him."
You scoff lightly as you strap Rafe in his passenger seat, noting the way his eyes begin to flutter shut. Humming softly, you poke a cold finger at his cheek and watch as they blink open again.Ā
"I'm taking you home, okay?" You murmur gently.Ā
"No!" He objects, large hand circling your wrist. He rubs his forehead with the other one, trying to remember something. "Got a meeting in the morning. Ward is gonna flip if he thinks I've been out all night fucking around."
You look at him uncertainly, waiting for the thing that you donāt want him to say, but know he will.
"Your house?Ā Please?"
There was a time when sleepovers with Rafe were a common practice. Sometimes, after parties like this, with Kelce and Topper.
Other times when you convinced the boys to binge a new movie or TV series, usually ending with at least two of them falling asleep. Rafe made a habit of grumbling his critiques of the things he watched, but always stayed up with you.Ā
For a while, when he hit an especially rough patch with his dad and spent more nights than he would've liked getting high out of his mind.
As much as he'd tried not to pull anybody else into it, he found himself seeking comfort in the warmth of your bed. It helped that you always received him with open arms, even when his early morning phone calls were disorienting and he cried silently into your shirt in the hours after.Ā
Those nights felt so distant, and yet, like you could touch them if you reached out just far enough.
Rafe had girlfriends on and off, and sometimes that version of him felt like a stranger. You felt a strange pity for yourself when you realized that it might've been a good thing. That he was getting better and without falling back on a crutch, even if that crutch was you. Suddenly, him sleeping at your house felt weird and misplaced more than anything else.Ā
"I don't know, Rafe...," you begin to trail off, but the blue desperation in his eyes makes you reconsider. He's still holding tenderly at your wrist. "Fine. But if you puke on my sheets, you'reĀ done.Ā Do you hear me?"Ā
Whether or not Rafe hears you is unclear, but you take the delirious smile forming on his lips as a non-verbal affirmation. He huffs out a long breath as if he can feel himself finally relaxing. His eyes start to close again, too, as you start his truck and drive the short way to your house.Ā
"Don't evenĀ thinkĀ about falling asleep on me, Cameron. I am not lugging you up the stairs."
"You're strong." He reasons smoothly, lids still shut as he smirks. "You were about to deck the shit out of Aron Andersen when I found you."
Getting Rafe up to your bedroom goes better than you'd imagined, now with a few years of experience under your belt.Ā
You get him to sit down on your bed, and he fiddles with the items on your nightstand while you rummage through your armoire for an old pair of his pajamas. He complains when you throw him a pair of sweatpants and a sports t-shirt he used to wear in junior high, claiming that it'd be too tight over his arms and chest.
Plus, he'd added, it was far too hot to be wearing a shirt, anyway.Ā
"I love these."Ā
Changing into sweats of your own, you exit the bathroom to find Rafe sitting up in your bed, part of his bare torso obscured by your white sheets. His attention is fixed on a small group of rings on your bedside table, silver and gold hues reflecting under the dull rays of your lamp.
He slowly picks one up.
"Yeah, I'd hope so." You snort, tentatively slipping into bed next to him and painfully aware of the sorry excuse for space between you. "You got them all for me...Ā kook."
Rafe cracks a sleepy smile, rolling his eyes playfully.
"You wouldn't tell me which one you wanted." He shrugs like it's the simplest thing in the world.Ā
He sets the ring back on the table and switches off your lamp, blanketing the room in a stroke of darkness. Rafe lies on his back and you opt to turn to your side, facing the wall.
Looking at his face only a few inches away from yours, when he's about to sleep in your bed, feels like it will be too much.Ā
"Asking for what you want is weird, Rafe. Nobody likes it."
You chew on your bottom lip in the dark.
"I do." He says in a scoff that turns into a yawn. "How else is anyone gonna know? People don't usually stop you and beg to find out."
You swallow roughly. That was true enough, they didn't.
But Rafe did. He always did. You revered him for it.
There's a long silence between you and all that echoes against the wood framing of your bed are the heavy and sometimes irregular sounds of your and Rafe's breathing.
Against your better judgement, you think he might've fallen asleep and almost turn around to check.Ā
"Is it me?" He asks quietly, voice scratchy with exhaustion. "... what you want?"
You feel your shaky breath hitch in your throat.Ā
"Because if it is... you don't have to ask."
His words linger in the air for as long as it takes your wildly beating hard to calm down.
By the time your body regains some feeling, the sound of Rafe's soft snores pierce the oddly crisp air clouding your room, and the choice to unpack what he said right now, or in the morning, is made for you.Ā
A shiver runs down from the nape of your neck to the tips of yours toes.Ā
Rafe is gone by the time you wake up.
The harsh but comforting sound of rain clangs against your roof, and you stretch your limbs to the thought of a cloudy and obscure summer day.Ā
It's better this way, you think. The absence of Rafe's warmth next to you would feel worse if the sun was shining, teasing.Ā
Your fingers play underneath your comforter to locate your phone. Scrolling through your notifications, you frown seeing that none of them are from Rafe.
In his defense, it was only about 9AM now, and he'd probably just had enough time to take a quick shower, get himself the smallest bit presentable, and still barely make it to his meeting with a client.
The used bathroom towel in your hamper and flannel pajama pants hastily thrown on his side of the bed are compelling indicators.Ā
In his defense, he was drunk, and there was no telling if he remembered anything about last night.Ā
Drowsy proclamations of desire and confession, included.Ā
You wrestle with the idea of calling him and letting it all spill out.
Kissing him on your front lawn, in the rain, with dewy blades of grass nipping at your feet. Hands threading through his wet hair and tugging, hungrily, because you're starving and happy, and these are liberties you can afford in imagination. Ā
But you settle on seeing him later tonight, in person. It's your dad's charity after all.Ā
"I just wish you would have told me earlier."Ā Your disappointed words hang in the air for a few moments as you play with the hem of your silky baby blue dress.
Your father had mentioned to you once before that his new business partner had a son about your age, newly graduated from UC Irvine.Ā
He hadn't mentioned, though, that this mystery guy would be attending the charity tonight, and he'd offered you up as his own personal tour guide.
Your father hadn't used the wordĀ dateĀ explicitly, but that's what it felt like when you were handed an odd-smelling bouquet of flowers, standing awkwardly next to the brunette who you were apparently to keep the company of all night, though he might as well have been a stranger.Ā
Daniel was nice enough.
He complimented your dress and your makeup, smiled and pulled out your chair before you sat down at your assigned table.
But it felt weird accepting praise and chivalry from him when your heart was busy beating erratically at the simple thought that your dress matched Rafe's eyes.Ā Ā
The venue is extravagant like it always is, what with it's elaborate crystal chandeliers, ice sculptures, and floral center pieces larger than your head.Ā
At your table, you note your and Daniel's name cards labeling your seats. Next to them, are Topper, Kelce, and Rafe's. There's a sixth seat that has no label and you tilt your head to the side thoughtfully, considering that Topper or Kelce must be bringing a date.Ā
"This place is incredible. Your dad is so impressive." Daniel says in awe from the seat next to you. His eyes trail around the room, wide in amazement, reflecting back all the vibrant lights in the brown of his pupils.
You smile weakly at him, tucking a strand of loose hair behind your ear that always seems to take flight despite your attention to detail.
"Yeah, he's really something. Likes to orchestrate a big show. You should see him at the winter ball. Live doves, and everything."Ā
Daniel nods, moving on to say something that starts to sound unintelligible when something else piques your interest. Someone else. Multiple someones, entering the banquet hall.Ā
Craning your neck, you make out Topper and Rafe. And a girl.Ā
No. Topper... and Rafe and a girl. She has her arm tucked around Rafe's as he escorts her in the direction of your table. He's wearing the grey tux you like, the one he wore to Rose's sister's wedding with the ornate thread detailing. His smile makes the two halves of your heart squeeze together.Ā
"Hey, you okay? You're squeezing that wine glass pretty tight there."
Daniel likely means well, eyeing the way your fist clenches around the stem of the glass you've yet to take a sip from. You shoot him an embarrassed smile and release your straining fingers.
An emotional support water bottle sounds like it would be really nice right now.Ā
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little nervous... my dad always gives a speech at these things." You explain.
As the trio begins to approach, you realize it's Shelley Thompson gripping Rafe's arm, a sweet girl you knew from the Kook Academy.
Even now, she always waves when you run into her at the Island Club, and she has a swing on the golf course like no other.
She's a good match for Rafe. You hate to admit it, but it's true.
When Daniel speaks again, you can barely hear him.
"I'm sure you have nothing to worry about." Daniel chuckles. "I have a hard time imagining that your dad would be bad at anything..."
Topper, having heard the tail-end of your conversation, plunks himself down in the chair across from yours and rubs his forehead tiredly. You shudder at the way he smiles empathetically at you. Like there's something to be consoled about.Ā
"Hangover?" You ask, shoving the shaky feeling down and shooting him a teasing smirk.
He groans loudly and buries his face in his hands.
"That's the understatement of the year. Feels like I'm getting my skull bashed in." He mutters through the skin, then he peels his head away and grimaces at the screechy music being played. If there was one thing your dad was bad it, it was decent music taste. Topper laughs heartily, shaking his head. "Then again, maybe I am."Ā
The lightheartedness is interrupted for a moment as Rafe and Shelley pull up to the table, taking their seats accordingly. Rafe rakes his eyes over Daniel for a few seconds, but otherwise stays silent and it makes you frown.Ā You look at him, desperately trying to uncover if he remembers any details from last night, but his expression is unreadable.
Shelley, on the other hand, grins at you enthusiastically and starts to chat with you about the time she interned at your dad's company.Ā
You find yourself glancing at Rafe every so often, each time catching him staring blankly ahead or at his lap, and always fidgeting with his fingers.Ā
"Who's this?" He asks suddenly, nodding his head at the man next to you.Ā
"Oh." You swallow. "This is Daniel."
Finding that insufficient, Daniel takes it as an opportunity to formally introduce himself.Ā
"That's me." Daniel waves sheepishly, gently squeezing your shoulder with his other hand. "Y/N's been showing me around. Well, her and her dad. I really love what Mr. Y/L/N's been doing with his company. He does someĀ incredibleĀ work out here. It's not often that you see-,"
Topper snickers when he cuts him off.Ā
"Maybe he should've been your date."
Daniel laughs it off, blushing slightly and concealing it in a short cough. But you kick Topper under the table in retaliation, ignoring the way he holds his shin and groans out a soft "Ow!".Ā
After that, Shelley, Topper, and Daniel divulge into conversation, shifting from topic to topic and at some points, sharing boisterous laughs together.
Rafe keeps his lips pressed together and his words concise. While you fiddle with your utensils, you feel his eyes on you, igniting heat under your skin.Ā
He stares at you hard, like he's waiting for you to say something.Ā Begging, even, with the way his forehead tenses and his brow stays quirked.
But you didn't know what to say.
Or maybe you didn't know how to say it. Especially not here. Especially not when he had aĀ date.Ā
Rafe rolls his eyes and chews on the inside of his cheek, standing from the table abruptly, the movement making the cutlery tremble.
"Hey, I have an idea." He says while tugging on Shelley's hand. "Let's dance."
You watch as Shelley squeals with excitement, jumping from her seat to follow Rafe towards the center of the large room where the music is playing.Ā
"Couldn't pay me to get closer to that band." Topper mumbles offhandedly. You're sure he's trying to make it sting less, but some pains don't have a perfect antidote.Ā
Daniel sends you a look, silently asking if you want to join them.Ā
"Maybe later." You reply quietly.Ā
Watching Rafe wrap his arm around Shelley's waist, you feel your heart sink slowly into your stomach.
In the middle of Daniel's rambling and Topper's occasional acknowledging hums, you rise from your seat and stumble into the courtyard for some fresh air.
Surely, your heart would keep sinking if you saw any more, and your heels were too tight to fit anything else.Ā
The courtyard is a beautiful mix of greenery, fairy lights, and concrete statues, but it does little to ease the ache in your chest. You sit on a stone bench and try to control your breathing with your head between your knees.Ā
Though it's turbulent and shallow at best.
"What's wrong?"
You know it's Rafe without looking up.Ā Sighing into the palms of your hand, you slide them down from your face and lift your head up. Surely, your makeup is smudged, and the thought makes you more miserable.
"Nothing." You say more sharply than you intended. "Nothing's wrong. Just go away, Rafe."
He looks at you completely scandalized.Ā
"Are you...Ā madĀ at me?"
You let out a deep breathe, averting your gaze to the ground as you collect yourself. "No, I'm not mad. Why would I be mad?"
Rafe scoffs, entirely unconvinced. He rakes a hand through his hair in frustration.Ā
"Well,Ā fuck,Ā if this is 'not mad', then I don't want to see what mad looks like."Ā
"Can you just drop it? Please, Rafe? Drop it?" You beg, sniffling slightly as you stand. You hadn't noticed when your cheeks started to get wet. Likely too much in denial.
Despite the way it's honoured you in the past, crying was offering no release at this point. It's not like any of this was Rafe's fault. Even if he had gotten your hopes up last night, he wasn't obligated to act on drunken pillow talk. Maybe he hadn't meant it in the first place and was only trying to make you feel better.
"You won't talk to me." He says sadly.
You bite down on every explanation you want to give him. Chest pain heavy and unrelenting.
"Just... go back to Shelley, Rafe. She's probably waiting for you."
Rafe looks puzzled when the words fall weakly out of your mouth.
Then, he nods, like something finally clicks for him. He meets your eyes with fervor as he presses his lips together.
"So, this is about Shelley?" He asks.
Your head hangs and silence intensifies between you. It speaks for itself.
"The same Shelley that's been fucking Kelce on and off for the past two years?"
He watches your mouth fall open and eyebrows furrow, continuing as you stare at him.
"Kelce promised to take her out on a real date, but then he got caught up at work... asked me to keep Shelley company until he showed up. We didn't come hereĀ together, together, Y/N. I thought you knew that."Ā
Your mind buzzes as he speaks, bottom lip wedged under your teeth.
So, he wasn't here with Shelley. And he probably did remember both what he heard and said last night if he could recognize that you were jealous.
Jealous. It makes you squeeze your eyes shut. The feeling was always two-fold. A person would feel jealous, then humiliated that they had. You don't know which one is worse.
You peak an eye open, chewing through your words. "Why couldn't Topper do it?"Ā
"Have youĀ metĀ Topper?"
That was a good point.Ā
Still reeling from the new information, you look down at your lap pensively.
"ButĀ youĀ did." Rafe begins after a few beats of silence. When you frown in confusion, he clarifies. "... come here with someone."
You crane your neck up to look at him. There's something you can't place in his eyes, but it's cloudy and all-consuming. His hair is a mess from the way he's been ruffling through it, and his cheeks are flushed and tight.
"What,Ā Daniel? Are you kidding me? I only brought him because my dad ask-," you begin to explain, but Rafe cuts you off.Ā
"I donāt care why he thinks he can touch you. I just want him to stop.ā
Despite the small gust of wind that blows past you both, you feel a warmth at the base of your neck... in the palms of your hands. Maybe it was the beams of light overhead, illuminating your bodies amidst the greenery.
Or, maybe it was just Rafe's words.
The intensity of his gaze. The way he steps towards you as he speaks them, warm hand eventually reaching out to graze over your cheek in a way that makes you gasp in a mixture of shock and excitement.Ā
For a moment, you think about yourself and the many soul-crushing nights spent watching Rafe talk to and touch and kiss other people, the overlapping visuals making you queasy.Ā
"I know the feeling." You say quietly, hot breath fanning over his face.
Rafe frowns a little, soaking up the meaning of your words. He nudges his face closer to yours, until your noses are touching and his lips just barely graze over the pair he desperately wants to taste. He draws back suddenly, suspending all the air in your lungs.Ā
He eyes you cautiously, challenging silently as he licks his lips.
"Not gonna do anything unless you ask."Ā
You nearly cry out in response. "Rafe,Ā please. I... I want you." Ignoring the way your desperation makes your skin feel tingly and your head spin, you shut your eyes tightly, realizing that only really skimmed the surface. You try again, gulping. "I've always wanted you."
"Fuck." He breathes out, eyes fluttering shut. "Never stop saying that."Ā
Stifling the sound of another whine from your lips, Rafe kisses you feverishly.
He moves his soft lips in tandem with yours, swallowing each of your breathy moans. One of his hands traces over the swell of your jaw while the other stretches tenderly around your throat. "Know what I wanted to do when I saw you sitting there next to him?"Ā
You nearly scream in protest when Rafe pulls his lips off yours, but fall silent when he trails kisses down from your jaw to your neck and collarbones, sloppily sucking the skin then laving his tongue over the afflicted areas. Unsatisfied until your pushing his head away from the sensitivity.Ā
"Wanted to knock his fucking teeth out." He murmurs with his head buried in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent and leaving searing kisses. "But I don't do that shit anymore. So I'll ruin his night a different way."
Rafe moves your body with his until the backs of your knees hit the concrete bench. Your mouth falls open as he sits you down on it, kneeling in front of you. He presses a ticklish kiss to your knee and his bright blue eyes peer up at you through his lashes. When you nod, he parts your thighs and pulls your panties down in a single unbroken movement, committing every second to memory.
He stares longer than he should, groaning at the way your wetness collects on his finger when he traces a finger over your slit, spreading you apart.Ā
"Can'tĀ believe," he moans into your mound, running the flat of his tongue over your center again and again. "... you kept me from this pussy for so long."Ā
You throw your head back at the sensation, finding nothing but air and Rafe to support you as pulls you closer to his mouth.
"That," you say in a broken moan at the feeling of Rafe's tongue inside you. "That'sĀ yourĀ fault, remember? I was always here ā shit! Waiting for you.ā
Rafe hums against your pussy at that, neither agreeing or disagreeing. His nose nudges your clit as he tastes you greedily. You tug at his hair to dissipate some of the energy building inside your core, but it only makes Rafe work harder.Ā
"Didn't think I deserved you." He admits, pink lips mesmerizing and wet with your slick and his spit. Rafe takes your clit into his mouth and sucks obscenely, the slurping sound sending a flash of heat through you. "Doesn't matter now. I'm good at making up for lost time..."
Your thighs clamp around Rafe's head as he fucks you with his tongue. It's only now, as gasps and high-pitched sounds fall wantonly from your lips that you come to the reality that you're letting Rafe eat you out in the courtyard, and anybody from the party could come here and find you. Still, you moan less controlled than you would have hoped when he suckles at your clit again, drinking at your sopping pussy.
"Hey, have some common decency, huh? There's some very nice people in there trying to enjoy a party."Ā
Rafe smirks when you pull at his hair even harder, mostly at the thought that you think it could be reprimanding when he likes it so much. His teasing does more to turn you on than you'd care to admit and he can tell with the way you gush around him.
"One of em's your date." He adds, laughing slightly as he curls his tongue inside you. Entranced at the way it makes you whimper and writhe like putty under him. He starts rubbing your clit with his thumb at the same time, chasing the crest of your orgasm. "C'mon, baby. Give it to me. Come all over my tongue."Ā
Your release makes your back rise off of the slab of cement you're seated on, thighs slotted over Rafe's shoulders as he licks you through your climax.
The pleasure is insurmountable, your mouth falling open and your eyes screwing shut as that familiar feeling completely overwhelms your senses, the burn of your elbows against the cement keeping you anchored to the ground.Ā
Rafe smiles when you pull him by the belt of his dress pants to capture his mouth in a long and sweet kiss. It helps clean up the residual wetness.Ā
By the time Kelce makes it your father's charity event, he sighs tiredly into the crown of Shelley's head, pressing a wet kiss there in greeting. On his way in, he got trapped in a conversation with your father and some guy he'd never seen before named Daniel who was more inclined to kiss your dad's ass than he was to breathe.
Finally taking his seat next to a very drunk Topper, he squints his eyes at the sight before him. You and Rafe, unable to keep your hands off each other, giggling at nothing in particular. And when not giggling, kissing.
"Are you seeing this shit?" Kelce asks Topper, gesturing towards his two closest friends shoving their tongues down each other's throats. Shamelessly, at that.
"Dude." Topper groans, sighing like this was no surprise to him. "Where the fuck have you been?"
a/n: thank you for reading! comments/reblogs appreciated!!
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron smut#outer banks#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks x reader#rafe x reader#i love writing completely ridiculous and unhinged side characters#topper too i always make him so weird LMAO#this is a lil rough around the edges but !! whatevrrr
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tw// discussion of genitals, zoophilia, harassment, transphobia, and sexual topics
has anyone else seen the controversy over species affirming packers? its been all over my feed and i have a lot of thoughts about it. the person that originally made them is actually my mutual on tiktok (where this whole thing originated) and i honestly think its not that big of a deal š
for context, a user named cyrusbarks on tiktok asked if anyone was interested in him making species affirming packers for alterhumans. a bunch of people were, so he made them and posted about it. they're sewn by hand with fabric and stuffing. they're not excessively detailed. since then, a LOT of people have been accusing him of being a zoophile and a predator because of this, which is insane to me.
first of all, packing isnt sexual and never has been. the only reason people think it's sexual is because it's genital related, which is just not correct. genitals arent sexual, and wanting species affirming gear isn't either. its no different from human packers made for trans folks already. but for some reason, people think that this specifically has sexual intent, despite not being usable in any sexual context.
second, a BUNCH of people have been misgendering him. Cyrus uses he/him and bark/barks pronouns and everyone ive seen talking about it has referred to him as They or She, both of which are misgendering. one person i was talking to literally said that he deserved to be misgendered. their exact words were "if someone's being odd... they don't deserve respect". i don't think i have to explain why this is an absurd thing to say.
third, people have been coming at ME for defending him, coming to my tiktok page calling me a zoophile. this is not only incorrect, but so, so hurtful. i love my pets so much, and being accused of being attracted to them is absolutely disgusting. my cat has gotten me through the worst times in my life, and people are implying that im abusing them because of my opinions on a stupid online controversy. its absurd.
my first mistake was expecting maturity and nuance on tiktok, i think. if you have any differing opinions or viewpoints, please please message or comment!!! i do genuinely want to discuss this topic and understand other people's viewpoints, as i feel very strongly about this. please just be respectful-- if you're just going to insult me, im not going to engage in conversation.
thank you for reading friends!
#kitposts#kitposting#otherkin#alterhuman#otherkinity#alterhumanity#therianthropy#therian#therianthrope#species dysphoria#species affirming#species affirming packer#controversy#tiktok controversy#this is so dumb but its making me upset
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Thinking a bit more about Megalopolis (see prev post). It's not really the case that the script is as disjointed or schizophrenic as my post makes it out to be. The central plot is pretty simple: an egotistical city planner has an ambitious and futuristic vision for redeveloping the city, and he butts heads with the Mayor and others who oppose him in this. He ultimately succeeds in building his utopian "megalopolis". Everyone is happy, the end.
And yet.
There's this... intense centrifugal force that prevents everything from cohering into a unified whole. It's like a puzzle where all the pieces are cut from the same picture, but upon closer inspection, no two pieces quite fit together. Or like that collection of nonsensical objects. A fork where the tines and the handle are connected by a chain. A watering can with the spout facing the wrong way. A quick glance leaves you confused, and that confusion is only deepened by further contemplation.
I think this is especially clear in the pseudo-intellectualism of the title cards, narration, monologues, and quotations/references:
Laurence Fishburne does this heavy-handed narration at the beginning and end of the movie (and several random points in between). And there are these associated title cards that look like they were made by applying an "Ancient Rome" theme to some PowerPoint slides. "Or will we too fall victim, like old Rome, to the insatiable appetite for power of a few men?" My brother in Christ, you are making a movie where the hero is named Cesar, and the happy ending is when he successfully pulls a Robert Moses. This is not a story about power corrupting or good intentions going awry. What are you doing???
Cesar Catilina interrupts Mayor Cicero's speech (where he is introducing a plan to build a casino) in order to lay out an early plan for "megalopolis", which is an ambitious and long-term alternative to the (short-term) casino plan. He prefaces his megalopolis pitch by reciting the Hamlet soliloquy. What exactly does Coppola think "To Be Or Not To Be" is about? He must thinks it means, "I am a dark and brooding bad-boy intellectual", since it's hard to see how "I'd like to kill myself, but I fear death" fits into an argument about the importance of long-term thinking in urban planning.
Cesar says several negative things about "civilization". "[Imagine] humanity as an old tree with one misguided branch called civilization... going nowhere." (Shot of notebook shows an illustration with 'war' and 'cruelty' offshoots from said branch.) "Emerson said the end of the human race will be that we'll eventually die of civilization." (Note: unsourced, probably fake quote.) "Civilization itself remains the great enemy of mankind." Umm... you're an urban planner! You're doing a high modernism. What exactly does it mean for you to call civilization the enemy? Is "megalopolis" somehow anti-civilization because it looks like a Georgia O'Keefe painting instead of a bunch of straight lines and right angles? Will the "war" and "cruelty" branches wither and die when buildings have labia?
Also, there's this amazing line read that completely inverts the meaning of a fake Marcus Aurelius quote (the quote was attributed to him by Tolstoy but is not actually something he said). "The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape... finding yourself in the ranks of the insane." Why did you put in that pause??? Fake Marcus Aurelius is turning in his grave! You're supposed to be fleeing FROM the ranks of the insane! I suppose this isn't really inconsistent with the characterization of Cesar, it's just such a fucking batshit thing to say.
All of the cargo-cult intellectualism listed above could perhaps be excused if the vision that the film is supposedly about had any content whatsoever. Or, alternatively, if the movie was about something more substantive, and the vacuous megalopolis vision took place off-screen in an epilogue, like the "happily ever after" of a children's story. But no! The movie repeatedly interrupts the plot to grab you by the shoulders and scream in your face: "I have a vision! For the future!". And then--now that it has your undivided attention--it shits the bed like a man who has just polished off an entire bag of sugar-free gummy bears and washed them down with a fistful of Ambien:
"Conversation isn't enough. It's the questions that lead it to the next step. But initially, you have to have a conversation. The city itself is immaterial, but they're talking about it for the first time. And it's not just about us talking about it. It's the need to talk about it. It's as urgent to us as air and water."
"Mr. Catalina, you said that as we jump into the future, we should do so unafraid. But what if when we do jump into the future, there is something to be afraid of?" "Well, there's nothing to be afraid of if you love, or have loved. It's an unstoppable force. It's unbreakable. It has no limits. It's within us. It's around us. And it's stretched throughout time. It's nothing you can touch. Yet it guides every decision that we make. But we do have the obligation to each other to ask questions of one another. What can we do? Is this society, is this way we're living, the only one that's available to us? And when we ask these questions, when there's a dialogue about them, that basically is a utopia."
After the revolution, we won't have conflicts anymore; we'll have dialogue instead. We won't have a need for the "jobs" and "sanitation" of "now"; we'll have the "imperishable" "dreams" of "forever". We won't have problems that need solving; we'll all be too busy asking each other questions. Now, if everyone could just shut up and get the hell out of the way and let Cesar implement his vision, then "everyone" will soon be "creating together, learning together, perfecting body and mind." A chorus of children's voices gradually morphing into Laurence Fishburne's, chanting, "One Earth, indivisible, with long life, education and justice for all." It's eschatological anti-politics made entirely from cotton candy. Please, for the love of God, stop making Adam Driver monologue at me! Let's get back to Aubrey Plaza stepping on horny fascist Shia LaBeouf!
The incoherence of Megalopolis's vision is compounded by how anachronistic its depiction of our fallen world is. There are some half-hearted (and ham-fisted) gestures in the Clodio sub-plot towards the dangers of Trumpian populism, but the script was first written in the 80's, and it's extremely obvious that Coppola is writing about New York City in the preceding several decades. The city's finances are in dire straights. (There's literally a "Ford Tells City: Drop Dead" reference!) The city is full of slums, the streets are full of crime, and the elites are all decadent. (For Coppola, decadence means that ladies are doing cocaine and smooching each other in the cluh-ub.) The main character is Neo-Roman Robert Moses, and the conflict of the film is about urban renewal. In case you, like Mr. Coppola, have not been made aware, slum clearance is not a major political issue in 2020's Manhattan.
Two thirds of the way through the movie, a falling Soviet satellite provides a deus ex machina, blowing up the financial district and clearing space for megalopolis to take its place. Ironically, a previous attempt to produce the film came to its abrupt end when two planes flew into some buildings in the financial district. Perhaps you heard about it. The financial backers of the film at the time considered Megalopolis's plot a bit too close to current events for comfort and withdrew their support.
But Coppola's depiction of Manhattan was already decades out of date by then. Moses stepped down in '60. Jacobs' book railing against urban renewal came out in '61. The Power Broker came out in '74. One presumes popular opinion of Robert Moses soured in the following years. The crisis of the city's finances that peaked in '75 was over by '81 when NYC balanced its budget and reentered the bond market. The crime wave of the 70's and 80's had receded by the year 2000. The demand for housing in NYC proper is as high as it ever has been, and it's only getting higher. Megalopolis imagines America as an incoherent mishmash of several decades of mid-century NYC, dressed up in the toga of the late Roman Republic, calling out for (Robert) Moses to part the slums and take us into a promised land that is literally beyond any description, and whose only concrete feature seems to be glowing people-movers.
A Robert Moses with the power to stop time, at that!
Oh, did I forget to mention that part? Cesar discovers he has the power to stop time in the opening scene of the film. I forgot because it's literally irrelevant to the plot. Time stops a few times, and then it starts back up again, and the events of the film just plod inexorably forward. For a movie as temporally dislocated as Metropolis, perhaps that's just as well.
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