#i was going to draw more fanarts today but I got too addicted to drawing another Robert plant portrait which btw turned out amazing

[myokk]

introducing Leonard (Leo) Babbit, Eloise’s older brother

(I have a lot of backstory on him too)

[sollum-girasolia]

A couple of months ago I let my little sister listen to Epic after showing her some fanarts on Tumblr, she became addicted to the musical even though she didn’t understand a word (English is not our first language (we’re Italian) and she’s pretty young too).

She says she watched animatics to understand better what was going on and she asked me to translate some of the more difficult parts.

Today I let her listen to the Vengeance saga (after I understood the lyrics in order to be able to translate to her everything) and we had lots of fun.

Just a while ago she gave me this drawing saying to post it on Tumblr to give fanarts back to the fans and so that my Tumblr becomes “Cool”.

I’m kinda crying from happiness about this, I’m so happy I got her excited about something I love too and it (positively) melts my heart to see her putting so much work into making something for the media we both love

So thank you Jorge and thanks to all the crew for making Epic, you guys really made us two bond and spend lots of good time together when we used to not talk much or even see each other.

[ranger-kellyn]

The gif reaction! 🤣

Okay, so in my AU (They were made for the BOTW AU, but I could make a version for AoC as well.) they have two kids. Rylo and Prestille. (One day when I can draw humans and kids I will draw them, but for now have a little description of how they look.) I wanted the tradition of every female being named Zelda to be broken because let's be honest, that's just weird..

I made their middle names references to "Wild" and "Silent" (As in the flower, silent princess.) So their full names are "Rylo Wilde Hyrule" and "Prestille Silant (Pronounced more like sil-lahnt.) Hyrule"

(I had to use the royal family's last name because Link doesn't have one. I should make one up sometime.).

Rylo is the oldest, they're twins but he was born first. He has his mom's eye color and his hair color is in between Link and Zelda's hair color.

Prestille has Link's eye color and her hair is a couple shades lighter than Link's.

I was thinking that, depending on how BOTW2 ends, they would have powers carried over like the (Most likely) Zonai magic.

Prestille would probably have the sealing power despite not being named after her mother. I feel like naming them the same name over and over isn't necessary and it just started as a rumor that the royal family listened to. (She probably won't be needing to use it in her lifetime, but at least it'd be carried over for any other future Zeldas.)

Rylo and Prestille are friends with some other OCs that I haven't mentioned (That's a whole other ask for another time.). I will say that they are Zoras though.

Link, Zelda, Rylo and Prestille live in Link's house in Hateno, that's where the twins were born.

One day they found a stray Hylian Retriever puppy and brought him to Link and Zelda. Zelda tried telling them that they can't keep a pet right now, they proceeded to use their own puppy eyes and even Link joined in because IT'S A PUPPY! Zelda eventually gave in and the kids got to name the puppy. Since they're kind of addicted to sweets, and the puppy was a little sweetheart they decided to name him Cupcakes. He wears a little red bowtie instead of a collar. He follows them everywhere.

Their favorite foods are (Like I said before.) sweets. So the fruitcake, monster cake, etc. Actual meals they like though are omelets, cooked meat, soup and apples. They LOVE apples. (Who doesn't stop to pick all of the apples in BOTW?) So they aren't as big of a glutton as Link, but if you place some food in front of them they will most likely eat it.

Link and Zelda have an adopted daughter too. There was an ambush in a Rito settlement (Built after BOTW and BOTW2) and when Link arrived there seemed to be no survivors. He found an egg (I mean, I assume they lay eggs like normal birds. They are bird people after all.) that seemed unscathed and took it back because there seemed to be nobody else around. Zelda tells him to bring it to Rito village, but before they could it started hatching and whoops, now they have a baby Rito. They name her Veena. She looks like a pileated woodpecker. (We had them back home and they are big and so cool! They're like little raptors flying around.)

So now they have three kids and a dog to look after.

Paya babysits them when Link and Zelda have to go do some important stuff. Either by now she has left the village before or they drop them off at Kakariko for her to look after them.

The kids love her and always comment about how pretty, nice and cool she is. Asking her if she also has magic (Again, depending on how BOTW2 ends, they could possibly have the Zonai magic.) because they've been told about the Sheikah and their magic a little bit. Luckily they don't cause too much trouble for Paya.

Their favorite foods that she makes them are pumpkin stew and vegetable curry. (Yes, surprisingly they DO like some veggies. In fact, they only really eat them if she makes the dish.)

They LOVE the horses that Link and Zelda have. They like brushing their hair and they even get to go riding on them once in a while (As long as Link or Zelda is riding on the horse with them so they don't fall.).

That's all I have so far, but that's still a lot. 😅

so sorry for the late response!! i went to bed early last night and went straight to the office today and i just. have barely had time to breathe today djfhldk (i swear every time i finish scanning one folder i return to my engineer's office to find two more in its place lmaO)

but!!!!! aaaaAAA!!!!!!! I love them so much!!! i absolutely agree that zelda would very likely break the "naming the firstborn daughter zelda" thing. because like. if ANY zelda would do that, it would be her. there's no way she would want to pass off that "curse" of a name to her own child. (THO also from what little i've seen people mention about TP Zelda, she might be willing to do the same as well but that's a whole different game i've never played lm a o)

they seem like such a lovely mix of both their parents i aDORE THEM!! and an adopted rito child i- I Am Emotional (AND what a pretty bird to be based on!!)

this is all just so lovely and sweet and i am! Experiencing An Emotion!!!! thank you so much for sharing with me!! i hope you draw them one day, bc you can dEF expect some fanart from me after you do :D

[nyrator]

wondering what to make next still

5AM and just felt the need to vent again I guess

Just a very depressed day for no real reason, still brought down by how stagnant things are I suppose- My creativity, my situation, lots of things

Drew Lain fanart, got a nice group of people following me on twitter thanks to it. It’s silly to worry about things like follower count, but it’s sort of addictive at the same time- I feel like I know the ways to do it, if I wanted, but I guess I just don’t really want to just chase followers with fanart- Feels like Tsukumizu fanart’s the way to go after Lain if I did more fanart, but mann, even if I did, still wouldn’t know what to draw.

I admire artists, like that one Diva artist that draws nun arts, or that one Avogado artist, people who draw constantly, consistent themes, but also a form of ongoing narrative, or something. Not only drawing so often, but each piece being its own. Diva especially, the way there’s so much packed in every scene, with an ongoing narrative in each piece, it’s admirable.

I really want to draw- but I lack that story element. That writing ability. I used to have it, where I could brainstorm and write pages and pages of notes. But I’ve lost it, somehow, for years. Last time I remember doing it was when brainstorming the prewrite for Rotten Nyan and coming up with like seven or so chapters (and still haven’t finished one). I don’t know if I just gave up on my writing, or if I just don’t care, or what. Maybe it’s simply depression/anxiety issues that medication could fix.

I think I’m just going stir crazy- friends occasionally get me out of the house, at least, which is nice of them. But haven’t cleaned in forever, and the apartment’s becoming more and more of a mess I can’t find the energy to do anything about. Every day feels wasted and underutilized, and I still worry about things like blood clots or other health issues or something from how inactive I am. Feel bad for neglecting cats still, though finally got them new food to try to try to help them be healthier. Wish I wasn’t so allergic that I could let them into my room easier.

It’s really hard just sitting here, day after day, doing nothing and having no energy to do anything, and wondering how much of my life I’m going to waste doing this.

Still need to work on my social anxiety, too- lots of that from talking to people again. And I’m still worn out by the internet in general, spending too much time on it probably. Mainly twitter, I suppose, which is my own fault, but I’m too addicted to absorbing information. Sort of inspired me to write something new, but like I said earlier- I can’t write at all. Made two character designs and the broad strokes, but can’t lay out anything at all. Not even a single scene to draw. It’s a weird, self-serving story, that I’d probably make anonymously just to avoid feeling guilty about it. Basic premise is a depressed girl caught up in her simple problem(s?) while observing other characters and their more complex, hard to understand problems. The other main character is a boy with a strong sense of certain social issues to the point of fault, and the girl trying to make heads or tails of what’s right and what’s wrong. Maybe I should just make them two separate stories, though, since they don’t really mix well together, I think. If I even manage to make it at all.

Been trying to play Picross or read manga to escape, but as soon as its over, it hits hard. Today I decided to read that Fire Punch manga I hear a lot about, since a friend introduced me to that Chainsaw Man when I did that one group of six requests a while back, now that CSM is ending next week. Pretty good, bit all over the place, can appreciate how silly ridiculous it could be, though admittedly also felt lackluster to me in places like the ending, though I wouldn’t say the ending saga was bad either. Definitely an interesting manga, to say the least. Disliked the movie girl at first but she became pretty entertaining for the most part, then lost interest in them towards the end of their arc. I think I just wanted to see more of some of the characters they introduced in that part and felt a bit let down because tree things.

I think reading manga’s really the only hobby I consistently enjoy, it just requires finding a good one. Decided that I was going to buy myself a physical version of all the manga I’ve read that I enjoyed/don’t own, but then realized almost none of them have been localized, and the ones that have are the lower priority ones.

Also started playing FF9 again finally, just got to the Black Mage village. I’m also definitely not very good at video games. I’d like to want to play one again, but they’re very hard to get into, especially on my own- I usually just go with whatever other people want to play.

In a few days, it’ll be you&me’s 10 year conceptualization anniversary. Still no progress, and still can’t even feel the desire to draw or sprite something for it. A friend ignited a spark in me to work on it again, but it immediately blew out the next day. I think it’s an impossible dream- I’ve learned RPG Maker 2003 inside and out, and if I could make maps, I’d probably be set. But the fandom’s grown away from me, and it feels almost pointless to make at this point. Been way too worn out from hanging around people who criticize those kinds of games, I guess, myself included.

On a random note, laying down is weird for me, I’ve probably mentioned it before. I feel like I’ve been hallucinating a lot- like half dream, half thinking it’s real and blending with reality. Keep thinking my mother’s still alive, that the death thing was a misunderstanding. Or that my uncle wants me to live with him. I can’t even remember if that really happened or not. The house I dreamt wasn’t his, though. And yet, I’m not asleep when these things happen, I’m lying in bed thinking and aware of my surroundings, and of the fantasy at the same time, thinking of them like memories, or concurrently. My brain is weird. Not only that, but how easily I forget to do things- I’ve set up a reminder on my phone just to remind me to message someone every day, because I just can’t remember to after waking up.

I guess I just don’t want to sleep and be trapped in my thoughts again. But it’s 5:30 now, and I should sleep. I’m scared by how trapped I feel. Still need to find a way to see a therapist about it, but I’m not very proactive about that either.

Got my mother’s death certificates finally after three months. Now I need to contact the bank and stuff somehow. It’s intimidating. Apparently her cause of death was “aspiration pneumonitis possibly due to cerebellar atrophy”, believed to be over the course of months. I wonder what that entails, exactly, and if it could have been avoided in the nursing home she was put in. No sense thinking about that, I suppose, I just know my aunt’s interested in a lawsuit if we’re able, so we’ll see how things go.

People are kind, I get kind messages from people who read these. Even those that don’t message are still kind. Hopefully no one feels obligated to read these, but it is appreciated to be cared about. Thanks, everyone.

[runningwolf62]

SURPRISE IT’S UPDATE TIME! It’s so bizarre being writing this at the same time Larry is because there’s like this weird overlap, we’re like ships passing in the night he’s finally caught up to my time and now is about to pass me.

Anyway, there’s some lovely art in here and a reference to a blog that actually exists, @ask-potoo-firestar. Art belongs to @lavendersongs, thank you for your amazing contribution to the Warrior Cats fandom and for giving me permission to include references to it in this fanfic.

Beep.

Larry curls up deeper under his blankets.

Beep.

He covers his head with his pillow.

Beep.

Fine, he’ll crawl out of his nest and see what had happened, maybe Nick was in trouble again, that Godot guy seemed to have a grudge against him for something.

u ok?

Only Nick texts like that.

haven’t seen u in few days

u alive?

Larry almost fires something back before thinking better of it, Nick had far too many people around him die to joke about that.

Yeah I’m fine, and you usually don’t see me for awhile.

yeah but u had a rough time

Larry hesitates before deciding to just call Nick. The phone rings a few times before Nick answers.

“Hey Larry,” he greets him, Larry can hear voices in the background, he thinks one is Maya, the other is young and high so probably Pearl.

“Hey Nick,” Larry runs a hand over his jaw, aw gross he’d ended up with that scraggly beard, he never looked good with that, he needed to go shave, “you in a crisis?”

“No?” Nick has the gall to sound offended, “I do not only call you during crisises!”

“Mmm might wanna check you phone bill there Nicky Boy,” Larry teases him, his voice is rough, he should haul himself out of bed and start putting himself back together.

“You want to talk about having a crisis you sound like you’ve been on a bender,” Nick fires back, Larry frowned and groused at him.

“Don’t be an ass Nick, I’ve been taking a week off, chilling and relaxing before I remake myself! You called while I’m still in the cocoon man!”

“That metaphor started strong but you took it somewhere very weird,” Nick replies, Larry laughs roughly.

“Alright, alright, you’re the one who texted me,” Larry points out, wrapping his blanket around him like a cloak to hide his shame from the world and stay warm from the chillier October day. He crossed to his laptop to open his resume, he’d need to update it and he might as well do that while chatting with Nick rather than sit around feeling shitty about it.

He chats with Nick, and Maya and Pearl when they demand a chance to chat with him. He interrogate Nick, or tries, but he doesn’t know what’s up with Godot either, other than he’s got one hell of a caffeine addiction, came out of nowhere and claims to be from hell.

Given half the stories Larry’s heard about Nick’s cases he’s tempted to believe it.

“Maybe you ought to have an exorcism performed,” he teases, he’s on speaker phone now and he’s sure they can hear him typing away as he adds his latest job to the long master list of jobs he’s held, “Maya, Pearl, can you do that?”

“I’d have to exorcise the entire Prosocution’s office!” Maya bemoans, Larry grins as she outlines everything she’d need to do to Nick.

“Maybe you should, it sounds like it has a few too many demons over there even before this guy,” Larry muses, saving his resume and opening Fanfiction.net. His stomach drops and his jokes trail off. There’s several messages from XxWolfDragonxX. Shit, he’d just dropped off the map after talking to the guy daily.

He immediately types a response, assuring the guy some stuff just came up, he got fired from work, etc. but he’s doing alright. He misses a question Nick asked him until he repeats his name.

“Larry.”

“Sorry, what?” He tosses the message to WolfDragon off, his friend is probably off work it’s well after six for him.

“I asked what were you typing?”

Larry glances at his messages and then at his minimized programs. “My resume.”

He refreshed FF.net and got a message from WolfDragon.

Man it’s fine, life happens! It’s just good to hear from you again. I’m sorry for all the shit that keeps happening to you.

Again I’m so sorry, and yeah, it’s just been that kind of year.

Do you have a discord? I have something to show you but I don’t think ff.net will send it.

Oh? Uh yeah actually, one second let me find my ID number.

It takes him longer than he should be tosses the information to Wolfdragon. After a moment he gets a friend request on Discord, from a XxWolfDrgonxX surprising absolutely no one. The avatar is a gray anime wolf with yellow eyes snarling, which also doesn’t surprise Larry though he wonders where it’s from.

However he’s still on the phone with Nick, so he accepts it and turns away from the computer, “so what are you all up to asides from calling me?” He hears Pearl giggle and Maya’s voice in the background, they’re moving away, “how are they Nick?”

“They’re good,” Nick sounds happy and Larry can’t help but hurt even as he’s happy for him.

“We’re probably going to do a few things today before they have to head back,” Nick’s chair creaks audibly, “do you have plans for Halloween?”

“Uh, not really?”

“Do you want to come over to the office and hand out candy with me?”

“People come to your office for candy?”

“Surprisingly yes,” Nick sounds equally baffled by this fact, “so, are you in?”

“Do you want me to bring anything?” Larry asks, glancing at his Discord occasionally, where he can see WolfDragon typing. “Beer, Soda, popcorn and terrible horror movies?”

“Popcorn and let’s go with lighthearted movies,” Nick suggests, and Larry wonders if Pearl will be there. He’ll bring soda then, just in case. That or Nick’s gotten to be more of a scaredy-cat since their last Halloween movie festival.

“Have you seen that one cartoon thing that everyone raves about?” Larry’s seen so much art for it for Inktober so he needs to actually sit down and watch the show obviously is what that means.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Okay, I’ll find it, it’s some kids show but everyone who’s seen it loved it,” Larry sends a quick message to WolfDragon while Nick talks.

You sure are dedicated to your brand.

It’s who I am

Furry.

WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THAT?!?

That’s Potoo Firestar you fool

I want to hate it but I’m laughing too hard, it’s amazing.

“Larry are you okay?” Nick asks, and Larry can’t answer, he’s wheezing at the damn Potoo Firestar, he cannot believe WolfDragon got his discord just to send him this, and that it’s somehow made him feel so much better.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” he wheezes, and clicks the link that WolfDragon sends him to this person’s blog, “just saw something funny.”

He hops off the phone with Nick promising to see him on Halloween and bring candy and popcorn and the cartoon he’s seen everyone drawing if he could just remember the name.

He spends the next hour teasing WolfDragon on Discord for his avatar and username, all the while scrolling through this blog, which WolfDragon has dubbed “the only pure Warrior Cats blog”.

It doesn’t take long for him to agree though he does have a few questions.

So I miss all the discourse but I also miss blogs like this?

Listen man, some people are still stuck in the can cats be gay discourse?

Seriously?

Yeah, like sure the Erins just made a mistake making some tortoiseshell cats toms. OR they made several trans icons.

I can’t believe Tigerstar was transphobic.

Firestar made the first call out post

“OP is literally a Transphobe and murderer but go off I guess.”

Scourge: *goes the fuck off *

Listen, he wear dog teeth on his collar he can do what he likes, I’m not gonna be the guy to try and stop him.

Oh you do know they made Scourge and Firestar half-brothers right?

THEY WHAT

Yeah they have the same Dad

Oh shit I’d heard that theory but I thought it was just a fan theory

Nah they confirmed it. Also Tallstar was super gay for him

Like canonly gay or the fandom has shipping goggles glued on

Like so canonly gay that the publisher calls them good friends

What?

One of the authors says Tallstar’s heart always belonged to his Jake, but the publishers say they’re just good friends

What’s better than this, guys being dudes.

You’d probably like Tallstar’s Revenge actually, there’s a lot of your fic in it

Seriously?

Yeah man, like leaving the Clans to discover yourself the themes of forgiveness and parents and family there’s a lot of good stuff in there

I guess I’ll have to read it then.

Yeah, that blog I linked you even did fanart of Jake and Tallstar

Oh my god.

Did you find it?

Not yet, but I’m looking.

FOUND IT!

THAT’S IT

Okay that is gay.

Much like my fic.

Now I gotta man.

He did just lose his job but Larry’s got some money saved from his last paycheck and the commissions. What the hell. He makes a note to buy Tallstar’s Revenge next time he’s at the book store, and gets up.

Thanks for this.

Of course!

Is this the best way to contact you, or should I howl out the window?

Haha

FF.net or Discord works I’ll probably review your fics on FF.net still but we can chat here

Larry grins and tells him he hopes he has a good evening. He needs to clean himself up and try and rejoin society.

He showers, shaves, and pulls himself together. He also draws Wolf as a Potoo and sends that back to WolfDragon which is obviously loved, if the fact he turns his avatar into it was any indication.

-

Larry spends Halloween crashing on Nick’s couch, Maya and Nick fighting over candy while he snags some and occasionally slips a piece or two to Pearl. The kid’s clever and smiles shyly at him every time he does so.

They do settle down to watch the cartoon though Maya grumbles at points about how she wanted to watch the Steel Samurai Halloween Special.

They enjoy Over the Garden Wall though, even if it sends the girls diving to hide behind Nick at one point from the Beast. He lets Nick comfort, while he cleans up some of the trash into the popcorn bowl which he sets to the side, making sure it will not be grabbed by mistake by someone hurrying to give candy to trick-or-treaters.

He’s honestly astonished at the number that turn up at the office, until Nick says he thinks Mia used to hand the candy out, which makes sense. It’s tradition now. And Nick must’ve gotten paid because he’s got the good candy and he’s letting kids take handfuls.

He doesn’t touch that stuff only the bag Nick bought for them to share and the stuff he traded Pearl for because she didn’t like nuts in her candy. Said they got stuck in her teeth which Larry felt was a valid reason to not like them.

He tells himself that means they have protein as he pops a handful in his mouth. While Nick’s busy with some teens at the door and Maya’s tucking Pearl in on the couch he sends a message to WolfDragon.

Happy Halloween.

Technically it’s November, and I didn’t grow up in America

Spoilsport.

WHY ARE YOU AWAKE?

Work

Work can suck my dick, it’s what- oh

It’s six in the morning

You’re going to work

Yup

Listen, I don’t need your sass

It’s not sass I just woke up Writer boy

Don’t you sass Wolfman

Tell me you at least watched terrible werewolf movies in my honor

I did not.

Watched kids cartoons instead.

Warrior Cats Authors

There was an actual child in the room!

Ah what’s being introduced to fear at a young age?

Trauma I believe, and the kid’s had enough of that

You’re a good guy you know that, don’t let people tell you otherwise

“Texting a girlfriend?” Maya’s teasing voice made him jump, she wasn’t peering over his shoulder yet but she might’ve been. She might’ve seen the teasing and… no, she was looking at his face.

“Nah, just a friend,” he shoves his phone back into his pocket, she and Nick are both staring at him intensely now, he’s not sure why but they are.

He swears he sees Nick counting to three but he’s not sure why that happens either. He and Maya share a look, and Larry feels himself tense more.

He looks to Nick, whose eyes pierce him as he looks at Larry, “I thought you said you were taking a break from dating.”

“I am!” Larry insists, careful to keep his voice low, glancing to Pearl because however much they want to interrogate him he knows they’ll kill him if he wakes her.

Nick and Maya look confused again but it’s not his fault they can’t accept that he’s just friends with some people. He’s not even into guys anyway!

He shakes his head and grins at them, “glad to hear you think I have that much game though Nick.”

Maya smothers a laugh, while the edge flows out of Nick’s eyes and a smile takes its place, “you keep getting girls to date you somehow.”

“It’s that I have an artist’s soul,” Larry pulls himself up and rests his hand over his chest, grinning at the two of them.

“I went to art school too you know,” Nick points out, relaxing and smiling.

“And who taught you all those tricks for backgrounds?” Larry fires back, he’s always been the better artist for backgrounds and forms, Nick just had more practice with human anatomy. Nick huffs and shakes his head.

“I showed you how to draw men’s jawlines, ‘cause you only paid attention when the model was female-”

“Nick I’ve accepted my heterosexuality and horndog ways will be my downfall,” he fires back which obviously takes his friend by surprise, Maya too, “hey, I can have some self-awareness you know.” He glances over at Maya, “Nick, Edgey and I are allowed the common sense of one person but we have to share and Edgey came back and took it all from Nick.”

“Excuse me?” Nick looks so genuinely offended and Larry laughs, shoulders shaking.

“You took some back, TSA wouldn’t let him take it all with him.”

Maya’s grinning and apparently not taking sides as he and Nick begin to playfully jab at each other about who has more common sense, and it’s nice to be able to talk about Edgey again without Nick’s anger, to have him laugh as he talks and recounts stories from elementary school to Maya is worth the few bits of his dirty laundry that Nick airs.

They end up on the other couch, Maya curled up on Nick’s one side, Larry on the other; with jackets draped over themselves as make shift blankets.

“Larry?”

“Yeah Nick?”

“Who were you texting earlier,” Nick’s not judgmental now but he is obviously curious, maybe hoping that in his exhaustion Larry will let something slip.

And he does.

“He’s a guy I met online, we talk about like books and stuff. You wouldn’t understand, you nerdy lawyer.”

Nick laughs softly as Larry slumps against him, “that so?”

“It is,” Larry lays his head back against Nick’s shoulder, “very so.”

-

They wake up in various states of aching and trying to hide it, all of them trying to deny they’re getting old while Pearl buzzes around the office. Larry wonders briefly if she’s gotten into the Halloween candy for breakfast.

He checks his phone and there’s a few messages from WolfDragon.

You still there?

Don’t eat too much candy, aren’t you doing NaNoWriMo this year?

Larry only barely manages not to curse in front of Pearl as he realizes that he’s going to have to write his first 1667 words with one hell of a crick in his neck.

[working-on-becoming-a-better-me]

Day 253—Mar. 23, 2021

Okay, so the numbers for my previous consecutive posts were off by a day (like a day ahead) and February 7′s math was way off, but I googled this! so from here on out, we will be accurate! let’s go bois!

BIG UPDATE BOIS! Essentially? I’VE GOTTEN BETTER! Mental health is better, habits are better, outlook on life is better, productivity... isn’t as high as it was when I first started the blog, but it’s doing MUCH better than November and even January.

coping with minecraft:

So, I’m still addicted to the dream smp minecraft fandom. my friend got me a dream hoodie, bucket hat, and a georgenotfound hoodie for my birthday. but! I’m coping better. I’m behind on streams, and am now catching up during Spring Break. For a while, I was pushing back school work to watch and catch up on streams. I promised myself that during free periods I would work since I was catching up on streams at home, and then... yeah. ANYWAY! I’ve gotten a lot better at that recently by noticing that even fanart accounts (accounts dedicated to mcyt-ers) were talking about how they didn’t watch a phasmaphobia stream because they weren’t interested in it, or talking about how they were behind on streams... it really helped me accept the fact that I can be a real fan and not watch every single stream.

cultural convention:

My international school does events with other international schools but because of covid, we can’t travel. I act and made varsity drama (we call it a different name, but yeah!) and we had virtual conferences. I was incredibly friendly and loud and there were tons of zoom calls. Our schools kinda known for being... uh, stuck up? and kinda elitist. Not like I was being fake, but I was making an effort to talk during calls and be active on group chats made. I joke-flirt a lot and focused my attention on one person. A whole thing ensued, but some of the other actors in my school (there were only 11 of us) were joking abut sending me to “horny jail” and one girl kept apologizing for me. During “lounge sessions” I would interject with what I thought were funny comments and she’d say “again, I’d like to apologize for her behavior” and... uh... I cried at school. Cuz I’ve heard way too many times from too many different people about how I’m embarrassing... BUT.

What really helped was the fact that there were late night zoom calls and I was one of only three kids from my school the first night on a call with around 25 people. Other people said I helped give them a really good first impression of our school, especially considering all the things they’d heard previously. The guy I joke-flirted with (I previously dmed him asking if he was okay with it and he said he was) said on a call that I was one of the funniest people he’d met in a while. It was a huge confidence booster in knowing that the efforts I was making were paying off :)

confidence:

Since starting this blog, I’ve been trying to be nicer to myself. I’ve been practicing more positive self speak and have recently realized the difference between the way I speak about and to myself and how some other people do. Being nicer to myself out loud has helped a lot in feeling better and more comfortable.

I wanted to try wearing black masks, but my mom bought the wrong kind. They had patterns and I was really nervous because I didn’t really want to stand out. I used to not care, but... I dunno. Teenagehood and whatnot. We wear uniforms too, so the only differences are in accessories, hair, etc. I’m not sure why, but I was really nervous to wear the new mask patterns to school. But I told myself it was an experiment, to force me to be more confident. I actually forgot I was wearing it until I saw myself. And since I’d posted on my private story saying I was doing this to try and be more comfortable, some of my friends came up to me and told me it was actually cute. Shows that I really had nothing to stress for. Not that it was really self-expression, but for me, and anyone else who needs to hear this, no one cares. Maybe they even wish they had the courage to wear different things as well.

mcyt mantra:

I have a mantra now! adapted from something drunk Wilbur Soot said during Quackity’s livestream, I think. I repeat it when I’m happy and when I’m nervous or scared and I guess... I dunno, I’m like classically conditioning myself? Except not really since I’m doing it out of order. But yeah! get yourself a mantra!!!

character day:

more with confidence! spirit week is just an excuse for kids to not wear their uniforms, but I put a lot of effort into an Ace Ventura outfit I put together. I only saw around two or three other people actually dressed up as characters, but I had so much fun and thought I looked amazing. I was proud that I wasn’t a normie ;]

Also... it’s so humid in this country and the rubber bottoms of my boots actually stuck to the pavement and fell off. I spent the day without the bottoms of my shoes and it was so funny. Even my mom laughed after (she laughed for so long, it was adorable) and she said only I could pull it off and that the friend I walk to school with everyday is lucky to have me as a friend. My mom was telling me about how she never had a friend like me growing up, just so weird and goofy. And it made me happy to think that I can bring so much... zaniness to people’s lives

ao3:

been writing a lot more recently! haven’t been posting on my writing blog since it’s all fanfiction, but it’s helping me write! I update one of my stories every two weeks. When I feel like I’m not doing enough, it’s a nice reminder that I actually can be consistent. I may be getting better... who knows :)

nehs:

been editing lots of papers even though I don’t need to anymore since I made vp of my school’s nehs chapter. but it’s helping me learn too! I’m very instinctual when writing, but obviously when I’m editing I can’t just ask them to change something because “it doesn’t sound right”. So I google explanations and then tell the people who’s papers I’m editing. It helps both them and me!

ipad/drawing:

got a new ipad for my birthday. been messing around with procreate. been doodling in class (only dream team characters so far lol). might be getting better... hopefully I am!

also have a sticky notes app on my ipad and been creating to-do lists! yay!

teaching:

been teaching students in cambodia! last year I had a teaching partner who guided lessons mostly. this year I’m the leading teacher. It’s helping with my fear of leadership and responsibility.

social:

still not the most social, but more active on snapchat now with keeping in contact with some of the cultural convention kids. covids made it harder to keep in contact, and I’ve been trying to reach out more to my closest friend who I’ve not hung out with in a while. not that we don’t see each other at lunch every other day, but I walk to school with, share a class and after school study hall with another friend. so comparably, I’ve spent less time with my closest friend.

recently had a spa day with my small neighborhood gang! my friend painted my other guy friend’s nails! yes! we used face masks as well :)

general update:

- went to the pool the other day and now I’m hecka burnt

- yesterday I wrote letters for honor society points, caught up on math hw, wrote a reflection and plan for a class, reviewed chinese with my mom, met up with my “mentor” for a class

- have been helping a lot of people! am currently a part of two people’s pieces for their theater class and I have a rehearsal later today!

- was doing a lot of work as an officer of thespian honor society—I’m likely going to be on the officer team again next year and, until a few weeks ago, I hadn’t felt like I’d been doing much and was feeling unworthy. but then I was proactive about something and updated our sponser (school’s drama director) on what we as officers decided. felt... prettyyy goooodddd :)

- !!! yesterday I went on a walk and brought money and my student ID, ready to buy bubble tea, but then... I mustered up what little willpower I had and then didn’t buy it. Instead, I bought surprise lilies for my mom (and some groceries she asked me to get)   - been trying to cut out unnecessary sugars and foods. if I’m not hungry, I shouldn’t eat, but also... I listen to my body and if I’m feeling really snacky, I’ll indulge   - recently been craving ice cream, but not the flavors in my fridge so instead I’m just not eating ice cream at all and ate an apple once as a substitute :D

- not sure if I’ve been sleeping more, but it kinda feels like I have been?

- started taking pictures of the world when I think it’s pretty one sunny afternoon when I was laughing lots with a friend... especially right after cul con, I was taking a lot more pictures...

- just been more active (not physically... though occasionally, when bored, I’ll stretch some... but I should try and get more active (I mean... the walk yesterday?))... creatively speaking (ao3, with art), socially online (cul con kids), in person (making plans over spring break!)...

- I just feel like I’ve been putting more effort into life

of course, there are the down bits, like for one project based class where the end product is due in May-ish and it focuses on the “process”... I’m just... not... process-ing. I chose a writing project (why). I’m focusing a lot on my side projects, but not my class writing one :/ as well as that, when assignments pick up, I do too, but when I get down time I feel like I deserve it (which I do!) but I don’t work ahead. I’ve been really busy though. Teaching got cancelled because the school in Cambodia shut down unfortunately due to covid. But before spring break, I was teaching, editing papers, writing my own for lang, doing cul con and then catching up on work I missed because of cul con, studying for tests, attending rehearsals... there’s a lot going on and I need to recognize that I am doing so well, especially compared with a few months prior when I was in a much darker place.

mostly stress has been my plague, but yeah! also in the span of one week, two classes bumped up a grade (or half a grade... we have letters and + system (no -)) so my previously low gpa became slightly less low! It gave me confidence that I can end the semester strong!

procrastination: another plague. I keep delaying setting up college counseling meetings and have delayed this update for a while now... and the project-class...

also have babysitting jobs again so we gon get some monnaayyyyy! (job is not from people we met at the pool, but we did meet people at the pool and their kids liked me so much they asked me mom to get me to babysit them... another boost to confidence! yay :) I’m a likeable person :] )

thanks for sticking around! I’m glad I’m getting this update in because I’m doing... really well :D hope you guys are also doing well or that it gets better!

[crazy-grrrl-on-the-computer]

8 and 18 for the artist ask meme!

Thank you!!!! I half wasn’t expecting to get any Asks forthis, but I am pleasantly surprised!

I’m gonna go ahead and plop question 8 below the cut becauseit… got long… because I decided to cheat. >.

Feelfree to ask me more about my art~

18. What is yourpurpose for drawing?

Even when I was a kid, I have always drawn to illustrate theideas I had in my head either to go with a story I was writing or to tell astory in pictures. (Can you believe that once upon a time I also used to drawcomics? I still have them somewhere. ;;v;;) A few years ago, I made it my goalto draw every OC I ever created because I wanted to have the visuals to go withtheir stories. But since there are 300 and counting and I have so little energynow, the process became an endless cycle and I will forever be unable to catchup with my overactive imagination.

So, I guess what you can pluck out of that is that I draw asa creative outlet and to make myself happy. But I do hope that what I draw isable to make other people happy, too! So, if I can accomplish that, it makes mefeel even better that I can share this little joy with someone else~ nvn

Especially since lately I’ve mostly been drawing fanart ofrare ships. My art is usually highly self-indulgent is what I’m trying to say,but it brings me joy when I discover that there are other people who also sharemy interests and look forward to seeing my content.

8. What is yourfavourite piece that you have done?

Well, this is an unfair question because I have too manyfavorites to just pick one. But… I guess I’ll go through the stuff I’ve postedonline and link a few of them here instead of reposting them (because I am notin the mood to go through all of the art pieces I HAVEN’T posted just tophotograph and upload them… yet, anyway… but I may later if prompted). ^^

AKing Always Makes His Pretty Fool Dance is an old favorite because I drewit for a friend based on an idea from a roleplay we were doing with our OCs. Ihave such a great love for Magister and Smith because they have a really funand intimate dynamic that is great to portray~ I had an interesting time withthat piece particularly because there’s something so playful there about howthey’re sizing each other up and playing this game just to get closer. Theirentire story basically started with Magister challenging Smith to solve herriddles and it evolved into an intricate mind game that Smith quickly foundhimself addicted to (hence the title of the still unposted story being AnAccidental Addiction).

FriendOr Foe is another sketch illustrating a scene where two of my mer OCs meetfor the first time. Aleksander and Zane are so precious because it’s like thehappy socialite sunshine baby meets the always-on-edge-fight-to-survive lonertype and they find something they didn’t realize they were looking for in eachother. It’s very sweet but also angsty and that sketch gives me so many feelsbecause I love them. ;;v;;

I don’t really have as particular of a reason for likingthese next two aside from how much work I put into their character sheets. Daceyis such a cutiepie and despite the fact that there was a struggle to get hisdragon half to look good, I’m actually more proud of how soft his torso looksand how good the markings on his face turned out. The sheet for Brizalatook me so long to complete and the coloring!!! The reason I don’t color muchanymore is that it takes too much energy, but it looks really good here~ And Ialso just really like all the poses and how they illustrate different parts ofxyr story. >v

But anyway, enough of my OCs (even though I could and wouldgo on about them for ages if prompted) because the only thing I’m known forhere on Tumblr is fanart and I’m sure that’s what most people are expecting. XDI could say every single piece of Boueibu fanart in myart tag is my favorite, but… I’ll just pluck out a few.

Vanilla-ScentedAngel is definitely a personal favorite because of how nice the colors lookand I love the expressions on their faces~ They just look so happy and in love,and it’s very sweet and just how I wanted them to be. ^^ Arima’s smile, though…is the best part along with the rose, in my opinion.

The Kurotori/Munakata sketch I drew for TomorrowStarts Today is one of the most unexpectedly beautiful things I think I’vepersonally done (even though I was too lazy to finish drawing Kurotori’s hands//bricked) because they just look so good together. Similarly, I could say thesame for the Ichiban/Ryuusketches I drew for that series rewrite AU I’ve been planning. Iespecially love how the first one cameout because Ichiban ended up way more handsome than I had originally intended(though I’m not complaining) and the body language is just… so perfect for thedynamics I had in my head. And then I just wanted to mention my Kurotori/Gourasketches for The Darkest Night again because I will forever have too manyfeelings about them and something about those first two sketches makes mereally happy. I think it’s mostly their facial expressions and also how softthey look in the second picture that I really like.

And I’ll force myself to stop here because I pretty muchcheated on this question and didn’t particularly add any insight to thosesketches by talking about them either. //shot

[krissmnasi]

Thank you

Throughout my time on tumblr, I’ve met so many wonderful people. @sub-tumb being the closest and the first forever friend I’ve met. I’m going to write about my experience so far here on tumblr.

I was about 12 years old. My birthday was in a month. Soon after discovering undertale, I went on to explore the world of fanart. I tried to draw a bit of my own but never really started posting just yet. When I had first signed up on tumblr, it was before China had banned it. Wasn’t a big problem to log on back then. So what did I do? I used someone else’s art as my icon. I was young and didn’t know I was stealing. I didn’t credit the person at all nor cared. In fact, I didn’t even know I was stealing until a few months after creating my own icon.

I posted my first artwork. It was terrible. I used my ipad on a program called Tayasui sketches. I didn’t know what the tags were for so I didn’t bother. Then I kept drawing. I followed people and befriended them. To be honest, sub wasn’t the first friend I made. It was starcritter/dead-fins/finleyfish. We befriended each other. I used to skype her everyday after school. We’d talk and talk and talk. I never knew what she really felt about me but I sure as hell knew how I felt about her. She was a friend to me. A good one. We met on a livestream.

Our conversation ran smoothly when we first met. We looked at each other’s blogs, followed, and I made fanart for her. I’ll be honest, it’s cringey, but it was a start. I met so many other people. Animom, Zelda, Spaghetti, Luke, Yuuki, and so many more. But I want to highlight sub. She’s one of the closest friends I have here. 

Anyways, long before star followed me, I used to submit my art to @aftertale-sans all the time. It was around the time I had gotten my first wacom. A Bamboo One. It was nearly everything to me. I used it to complete my animation project for computer class on scratch. I had already gotten around 5 followers, excluding porn bots. @pokemans4life was the first ever follower I had ever gottten and I wish to applaud her for that.

Soon after, I broke my Bamboo one and had to get back to drawing with a mouse. It was hard as all hell, man! Well, until my dad bought me an Intuos Draw CTL-490. I spent every living moment with it. Drawing was my passion and it was something that kept me alive.

I livestreamed, I drew fanart, I made people smile. And then things began to change.

China had blocked tumblr and the only way to get to it was through VPN. I could only access tumblr through my ipad. It sucked. And soon after I had to move back to Malaysia. During that time, I slept on my couch. I didn’t want to sleep in my room any longer and if it meant I got to stream all nighters than so be it. 

I had arrived back home. Let’s skip to around today.

2016. It was a mess of a year. It took a lot from it. It took away my self worth. But what was worse was that it was when I had first ever encountered a person so madly addicted to me that he had sent me a very lewd image. I never looked at myself the same way ever again. It was a horrible experience I don’t want to elaborate on.

And then I had found my sexuality. No wonder I had never fallen for people. No wonder I only thought ‘hey, they look good’ and not ‘hey, I wanna date them’ or anything like that. I was an asexual. An aromantic asexual at that. 

But then...Star...she confessed her love to me. Told me her feelings. Said that she wanted to date me. She was a very good friend of mine. In a panic, I told her I felt the same. I didn’t want to break her heart. It was stupid of me. But I panicked and didn’t know what else to do so for a while we dated.

For a while, I lied to her. I didn’t want to keep it going like this forever. But I was too afraid of telling her myself. So I asked a good friend of mine, @tabithathepanda, to help me out. It didn’t go as planned. She didn’t take it too well. And I wish I had never said anything at all.

That brings me to today. Right now. I have lost and gained so many friends. I’ve cried, I’ve laughed. But most of all I stayed together. I’m still a whole even if I can only see half of myself.