#i was geeking over the lines while coloring

[upwards-descent]

Shout out and much love to the fabulous @pastelsailorr who I commissioned for the lines and then I did the colors, absolutely ADORE how this came out 🥰 I highly recommend commissioning them as I've loved every piece they've done

[literaryavenger]

So I read somewhere that if the word ‘Sputnik’ is said to Bucky it knocks him out. Like it was a way for HYDRA to temporarily incapacitate him until they could control him better if he got out of hand. I’d love to see if you could write about how the reader and the team would deal with this situation. Maybe incorporate the satellite, as we know how much Bucky loves space. 💙✨ Maybe an established relationship? Again don’t need to do this, but I thought you’d appreciate a little help to get out of this writers block :)

Sputnik

Summary: Bucky's fascinacion with Space gives the team an interesting, emotional week.

Pairing: Boyfriend!Bucky Barnes x Girlfriend!BlackWidow!Reader, Platonic!Bucky Barnes x Various!Avengers

Warnings: Language. Established relationship. Mentions of Bucky's past and trauma. So much angst, but tons of fluff too. My poor attempts at being funny.

Word Count: 6.4K. This one got away from me, lol.

A/N: Okay, so I heard about this too and did some research and found out it is a thing that the Red Skull uses against Bucky in one of the many universes of the comics, but it can only be used once. What I couldn’t find is how to wake him up, so that part is made up by me lol. Anyway, I hope this satisfies you, Anon, and to everyone that’s sent me requests already, I promise I plan on working on all of them, even if it takes me a little time. But keep ‘em coming! Also, I put a lot of MCU references and lines, so have fun finding them all, lol.

Masterlist

Life isn’t always fair.

That’s something most people can agree on. But it’s especially never been fair for one Bucky Barnes.

Bucky has been an Avenger for years now, and sometimes he still feels like he’s made little to no progress. Other times even he can’t deny how far he’s come.

Like right now, he’s sitting on the couch with you, his girlfriend, sitting next to him with your legs over his as he strokes your thigh absentmindedly while he’s engrossed in a conversation with Peter about astrology.

That’s something that Bucky has always found interesting, and the young genius has been filling Bucky in on everything he’s missed on the subject since the 40s.

Most of the Avengers are away on missions and the rest of the team that’s at the Compound (Tony, Steve, Peter, Wanda, Sam, Natasha, Bucky and you) are all hanging out in the common room, the fading colors of the sundown coming through the window making for a nice setting.

Tony, Steve and Sam are talking about Formula One, Peter and Bucky are in their own little nerd world and you are talking with Natasha and Wanda about the latest tv show you’ve all been binging together.

Your attention is brought on Bucky when he taps on your leg gently to signal you to get them off of him so he can get up, never breaking his conversation with Peter.

“What’s a satellite?” Bucky asks with furrowed eyebrows as he gets up from the couch.

“It’s an artificial body placed in orbit around the earth, or moon or another planet, in order to collect information or for communication.” Peter explains like the cute little geek he is while Bucky goes to the kitchen to get another beer, still concentrating on their conversation.

“You know,” Tony interjects, the whole team’s attention now on their exchange. “The first artificial Earth satellite launched in 1957, it was called Sputnik and it was-”

“Bucky?” You interrupt Tony in the middle of his fun fact when you see your boyfriend freezing as he’s about to sit on the couch where he was a minute ago.

He doesn’t say anything but you can see his eyes rolling back into his head and then he falls to the ground unconscious.

“Bucky!” You yell as you kneel beside him, everyone else rushing to his side, just as worried as you.

You grab him by his shoulders and shake him a little, but the man doesn’t move a muscle. You look around at the team, but everyone is equally as clueless about what’s happening as you are.

“Should we try slapping him?” Sam offers, earning a glare from both you and Steve and a slap on the back of his head by Natasha.

You look back at Bucky, but you can’t think of anything to do to help him, your mind completely blank. You feel a hand on your shoulder but you pay it no mind, your eyes focused on Bucky.

“We could try the book…” Steve’s voice is quiet but to your ears those words feel like a scream and your eyes snap up to his just to find him already looking at you.

You know what book he’s talking about, of course you know. The Winter Soldier’s red book, the one Bucky gave you to keep safe because he trusts you with his life.

You’re the only one that has access to it, but you’ve never even opened it because Bucky trusted you not to unless it was necessary. He chose not to destroy it for this exact reason, in case something inexplicable happened to him. 

He himself has never opened the book, so it stands to reason that there are a lot of things he doesn’t know about the Winter Soldier’s programming.

You promised him you’d keep it safe and that’s what you’ve done so far, but you also promised yourself you’d never open it and see the horrors even Bucky doesn’t know they did to him. You certainly never thought it would be necessary, that’s why you agreed to it.

But right now, as much as you hate to admit it, it’s your best option. 

You leave Bucky in Steve’s care and go to your and Bucky’s room. You go into the closet and remove the hardwood plank in the far corner and reach into it to take out a small safe.

It’s Stark Technology, even Bucky wouldn’t be able to get into it, if he even knew it was there. But he doesn’t, he was very insistent on you being the only person that knew the book’s hiding place.

You scan your thumbprint, then your retina and lastly say the voice command ‘Jamie’ and the light turns green. The safe opens and you reach into it, moving away the files about yourself you recovered from the Red Room after you and Natasha escaped, then the Hydra file Natasha found on Bucky and some other documents you have there before spotting the red leather at the bottom of the safe. You pull it out and hesitate before sighing. 

This is necessary. 

That’s what you keep telling yourself over and over as you open it and start looking through the pages for anything about Bucky passing out.

Thankfully it doesn’t take long for you to find it, and you’re careful to put everything away the way it was before going back to Bucky.

While you were looking for an explanation, Steve and Sam moved Bucky to the medbay where Tony hooked up some machines to him to make sure he was still healthy, even if he’s unconscious.

You enter the room and hesitate before walking up to the bed. You can tell everyone’s worried, most likely because even the shuffle of bringing him here didn’t wake him up.

“Please tell me nobody slapped him.” you say quietly, half joking and half actually worried someone tried to slap him awake. When Steve shakes his head no, you let out a relieved breath and cross your arms in front of your chest. “I think I know what happened.”

“You do? What is it?” Steve asks hopefully, although the tone in your voice doesn’t prompt anything good.

“Apparently, Hydra planted a failsafe in Bucky’s subconscious.” Everyone’s attention is on you, and you look at everything but Bucky. “It was made in case the Winter Soldier rebelled and they needed a quick way to shut him down.”

“I don’t get it, why didn’t Shuri take it out with his trigger words?” Sam asks with a frown.

“She didn’t know about it.” You answer simply. “Bucky didn’t even know about it…”

“If she didn’t know it existed, she didn’t know to look for it…” Tony elaborates and Sam nods.

“Does it say what the word is?” Steve asks you.

“The word is ‘Sputnik’.” You say while looking at Tony with a tight-lipped smile. You know it’s not his fault, he obviously didn’t do it on purpose and you know he understands you don’t blame him, and neither would Bucky. “Good news is, the failsafe can only be used once.” Everyone relaxes a little, at least there’s the bright side that this won’t ever happen again.

“And the bad news is…?” Natasha prompts while raising her eyebrow, making everyone tense again. You sigh, damn her for knowing you so well.

“Since it’s never been used, there’s no saying what will happen to him, how long it’ll last or how to wake him up…” You trail off, looking down at your feet while biting your lip before finishing your sentence. “If he even wakes up.”

You hear Wanda gasp at your words and the room goes silent. You don’t have the courage of looking anybody in the eye at the moment, so you just keep looking down.

“What do you mean, if he even wakes up?” Peter is the one that asks the question, his voice quiet and a little unsteady.

“It’s Hydra we’re talking about, I doubt they cared about the consequences their actions would bring on Bucky’s psyche…” You say bitterly, wishing you had any Hydra agent at hand so you could snap their neck. “That trigger word could’ve done anything to him.”

“T-there has to be something else, maybe you missed something.” Steve mutters and it takes everything in you not to roll your eyes. You know this is coming from a good place, he’s worried for his best friend, but it’s still annoying that he’s doubting you.

“All it says in the book is that it’s supposed to knock him out long enough to provide an opportunity to move him somewhere where he can’t do any damage or even put him back into Cryo if necessary.” You recall word for word what you read in the book, making it clear that there’s nothing else to be done. “All we can do is wait it out…”

You glance at Bucky and something inside you snaps. You know you can’t look at his still, angelic face any longer or you’ll lose it, so you turn around and walk out of the room, leaving everybody perplexed at the wake of your actions.

“Wait!” Steve says from behind you, but you don’t turn around until you’re at the elevators.

“We can keep watch on him one at a time until he wakes up.” That’s all you say while entering the elevator, giving him no chance to say anything back.

He understands this is a lot for you, so he decides not to push it. Instead he sighs and turns around, walking back to the rest of the team to tell them your, admittedly simple, plan.

Day 1

Steve volunteers to be the first one to watch over Bucky, hoping that he’ll wake up within a day and then everything will go back to normal.

“Hey, Buck.”  He says quietly as he sits down on the chair next to Bucky’s bed. 

“This is weird…” He says more to himself while studying Bucky’s face. “Should I talk to you? What should I even say to you? I don’t know, man…”

Steve sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “You’ve known me my whole life. My entire, overextended life… Is there really anything you don’t know about me yet? Well, maybe…” 

Steve knows there’s something he hasn’t told Bucky. It’s something he hasn’t told anyone, really. But he needs to get it off his chest, so he takes a deep breath and decides to go for it.

“It’s hard, Buck… This whole hero thing.” He says quietly while looking at his lap. “I got into this life to help people, that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, but… I never thought it’d be this hard.”

Steve plays with his fingers as he talks. He knows Bucky probably can’t hear him, he can’t even see him at the moment, but he still feels guilty about what he’s saying. 

“Remember during the war, how we used to think about going home after it was all over and find a nice gal, settle down, have a family…” Steve can’t help but smile at the memory of all the times they spent in bars between fights with the Howling Commandos, just fantasizing about what their lives would be like after the war was over. “I know what I have with Natasha is real, and I love her, and you got pretty lucky too.” He smirks at Bucky while thinking about his relationship with you. 

“But this isn’t really the life we imagined, is it?” His smile falls. He can’t help but feel like saying these things out loud make him look selfish. But who better to understand him than his best friend, who went through something very similar? So he keeps going.

“This job, man… People depend on us to keep them safe, and that’s a lot of responsibility on its own, but being Captain America…” Steve scoffs, just the title he was given all those years ago now carries a weight he can’t escape. “It’s exhausting.” 

Steve finally looks up at Bucky, half expecting him to be looking at him with an irritated expression, but Bucky’s still unconscious, his face still and peaceful, almost as if he’s merely sleeping.

“I try to be perfect all the time, but, outside this team, no one wants me to be myself… They want me to be the version of myself that they like. The version that serves them better.” Steve leans in, resting his elbows on his knees, his eyes focused on Bucky’s face. “But I’ve always known I could be myself with you. ‘That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight’, right?” 

Steve laughs. That’s how Bucky described him. Even after the serum, that’s how Bucky always saw him.

“That’s me… You’ve always seen me for who I was, not who you needed me to be…” He takes Bucky’s hand in his. “Even when I had nothing, I had you… And I know what you’d tell me if you were awake,” 

Steve chuckles, knowing his stubborn best friend would insist Steve would be fine even without him. “I have the Avengers, I found myself a family, I’ll be okay…” He pauses thinking about the team, but then he gets to you and his smile falls again. “But her.” 

He knows he doesn’t have to say anything more. If Bucky were awake, he would immediately understand Steve’s talking about you. “For her it’s different.” Steve says quietly. Everybody knows how much Bucky means to you. “You’re everything to her, Bucky.”

Day 2

Bucky still hasn’t woken up, but you can’t bring yourself to watch over him and Natasha can see it on your face when Steve suggested you’d be the next one on Bucky watch, so she offers to go instead of you like the good big sister she is.

“Hi, Barnes.” She says when she sits down on the same chair Steve spent the day on yesterday. “I think we both know I’m only here for your little doll.” Natasha teases with a small smirk before she gets more serious.

“She can’t face this yet…” Natasha says quietly, thinking about your face just moments ago. “She doesn’t believe she’s as strong as we both know she is.”

Natasha knows you haven’t slept much, the darkening circles under your eyes give you away.

“But I get it,” she sighs “you mean so much to her.” She’s never seen you as happy as you are since you started dating Bucky, and she knows you’d do anything to protect that. Hell, Natasha herself would do anything to protect something as pure as your relationship with Bucky.

“Our whole lives, all she wanted was what she has with you now.” Natasha smiles sadly at Bucky. “And now that she’s found it, it’s hard for her to face reality and admit to herself that she might lose it…” 

Natasha sighs and shakes her head, thinking about everything organizations like Hydra and the Red Room took from all of them, and how they’re still managing to hurt them even after all these years.

“You know,” She says after a moment of silence “I’ve never been homesick. Because there was no place I belonged to.”

She knows Bucky felt the same way for the longest time, and she wants to give him the same hope she had. “And then I got this, this job… This family. And you’re part of that family too, Bucky.”

She leans in and scans Bucky’s face, looking for any signs that he might be conscious, but she finds nothing. 

“None of us are ready to lose that. To lose you.” She tries to drive home the point by taking his hand. “You have a family again, a family that cares for you.” 

“And you can’t do this to her… You know you can’t.” She adds after another moment of silence. “All our lives, she’s been looking for a home… You are her home, Bucky.”

Day 3

“Hey, man.” Sam sits down on the chair next to Bucky’s bed. 

“I know, I know, I’m probably the last person you want here…” Sam chuckles. “But that’s too damn bad for you, because I’m gonna be here anyway.”

Sam looks at Bucky, it feels kind of weird for him to see him without the scowl that’s usually directed at him. “Oh, how I wish I could know what’s going on in that big cyborg brain of yours…” Sam says with a small grin. 

“If you were awake you’d be glaring at me. Is it weird that I kind of miss it?” He wonders out loud. “Two days without your annoying staring problem is two days too long…” 

Sam chuckles again. He knows Bucky would be threatening his life at this point if he were awake. Not that he’d ever follow through with his threats, though. Sam sighs.

“I know you don’t want me getting all sappy on you, but… I never did tell you why I tease you so much, did I?” Sam says quietly as he sits back on his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. “You’ve asked me repeatedly why, but you don’t really expect an answer when you do…”

A lot of the conversations between them end with Bucky asking Sam why he’s such a pain in his ass while Sam, and anyone else witnessing the exchange for that matter, just laugh. Even you.

“But here I am, giving you one anyway.” Sam says with a grin. At this point he’s almost hoping that if he annoys Bucky enough, he’ll wake up just to kick his ass. 

“You know how they say ‘we accept the love we think we deserve’? Well, I know how little love you truly believe you deserve.” Sam has never said these things out loud, especially not to Bucky because he knows that wouldn’t end up well for anybody. But now he feels like he has to.

“Thing is…” Sam says quietly, taking the rare moment where Bucky is not rolling his eyes or glaring at him to be honest. “You deserve so much more than you care to admit, Bucky.” 

He looks out the window for a moment before looking back at Bucky.

“And I’m gonna mess with you, and make fun of you, and tease you like friends do.” He says defiantly, almost challenging Bucky to stop him. “Because, whether you like it or not, I am your friend.”

Sam grins at Bucky, wishing he was awake just so Sam could see Bucky’s face as he annoys him. “You have people that care about you, Bucky. You have a whole team that does.” 

Sam says sincerely with an easy smile, but then he sighs. He knows, if Bucky could reply, he wouldn’t want to believe what Sam’s saying. Ever the stubborn one, that man.

“Look Bucky, I know you believe you’re hard to love…” Sam says quietly, thinking about his next words carefully with you in mind. “But she loves you like it’s breathing, man.”

Day 4 

“Good morning, Bucky.” Wanda says as she enters Bucky’s room in the medbay. “How are you feeling?”

She sits down and sighs. “Yeah, I know, I could easily just look into your mind and see for myself, like Tony has been bugging me to do since all this started, but…” She pauses and smiles softly at Bucky. “I made you a promise.”

Bucky didn’t trust Wanda when he first met her. He knew she had ties to Hydra, he knew she could control his mind and he had enough of that for a lifetime.

“I’ve never entered one of our friend’s minds on principle, but I know how important it was to you that I willingly promised you outright.” She says softly while remembering the look on his face when she seeked him out to relieve his worries. “It didn’t take a mind reader to see the weight being lifted off your shoulders when I actually said the words…” 

After that Bucky seemed less guarded around her, they even had some conversations about their experiences with Hydra, and Bucky came to understand where Wanda was coming from.

“And I get it, you’ve had no control over your own mind for the longest time, you don’t want anyone else in there.” Wanda says quietly “You trust me not to, and I’d never betray that trust.” 

She’s proud that she was able to gain Bucky’s trust, and she’d never do anything to lose that.

“You and I both know what it’s like to have nothing,” She sits back on her chair, her eyes on the window. “and we both value trust above all else, having had no one to trust for the longest time.” 

“After I got these… These powers…” She looked at the red energy coming out her fingers while they played with it. “I knew people saw me differently. I knew they feared me…”

Her Sokovian accent comes out more as she gets emotional, her eyes leaving her hand as she looks back at Bucky. “And Hydra conditioned you to expect people to fear you, too.” She says sadly. “But we can’t control other people’s fears. Only our own.”

That’s a lesson that took her a while to learn, but it’s an important one for both of them.

“We’re not monsters.” She says with conviction, like she’s trying to convince him more than just remind him, before adding. “We are all born so beautiful… The greatest tragedy is being convinced we’re not.”

Wanda smiles, that’s another lesson that was hard to learn, but luckily for them they had someone to help them believe it.

“You know who taught us that, who helped us really believe it…” Wanda chuckles softly, thinking about how you went above and beyond for both her and Bucky. Even before you started dating him, you wanted to make him see himself the way you saw, and still see him. 

“She believes wholeheartedly that you’re beautiful. I don’t need to use my powers to see the way her eyes, her face, her whole soul lights up when she looks at you…” Wanda feels like he needs to remind Bucky what he has. If he’s fighting, he needs to know what he’s fighting for. “You’re her hope, and her peace… You’re her whole world, Bucky.”

Day 5 

“Hello, Mr. Barnes, sir.” Peter says shyly as he hesitantly sits down on the chair, almost expecting Bucky to look at him and tell him not to do that because Bucky always insists Peter call him by his nickname like everybody, but Peter never does.

“I’m sorry, I know you hate it when I do that.” Peter scratches the back of his neck nervously. “You always say ‘just because I have a few decades on you, it doesn’t mean you have to call me sir’.”

Peter chuckles. “I know that, but I can’t help it… It’s not because you’re older,” Peter quickly reassures him. “It’s because I respect you. I admire you, really…” Peter blushes a little at the admission, but after all Bucky is a war hero and a role model.

“Everything you went through, even before Hydra…” He trails off, glancing at Bucky with a pained expression before continuing. “It made you stronger. You’ve always been able to help people, even without being a supersoldier.” 

Peter remembers the conversations he had with Bucky, after the man got used to the 16-year-old’s enthusiasm and energy, where Peter’s curiosity and genuine interest of what he had to say brought them hours of Bucky recalling what it was like to live in the 40s and through a war.

“You had a duty back then… To protect your country, your family and your friends… It was a responsibility, albeit a terrible one at that.” Peter says admiringly, recalling how shocked he had been when Bucky told him he got drafted and didn’t enlist like it says in his exhibit at the Smithsonian. “But you know what it’s like, to do what you have to do because it’s the right thing…” 

“I know you look at me and see a younger version of Mr. Rogers… Young and small and in need of help…” Peter says after a moment of silence, chuckling at the similarities he felt he shared with the pre-serum version of Steve before Peter got his powers. “And I get it, I spent my whole life like that… And then I got this opportunity.”

Peter looks at his hands, knowing what he can do with them alone is extraordinary. But he didn’t feel like he deserved it when it first happened.

“It was an accident. A fluke, a mistake…” He said quietly, words he’d never said out loud but he’s said to himself countless times. “But it gave me a chance to help people.” He says, now very proud of the opportunity he’s been given.

“When you can do the things that I can, but you don’t… And then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.” He says while smiling at the memory of telling Tony that when he first recruited him. “And I know fighting is the right thing to do, but it’s also a lot for me to take on…” His voice gets quieter.

“And it took me a while to get the hang of it. I still struggle with it sometimes…” He admits sheepishly. 

“But, ‘just because you took longer than others, doesn't mean you failed.’” He says before smiling at Bucky. “Remember that, kid.’” he says imitating Bucky’s deep voice with a chuckle.

“You told me that, sir. And I always remember that.” He says, proud of himself. “I’m doing my best, and that’s what matters…” His smile falters when he then sees you pass Bucky’s medbay room, like you do a few times a day even if you still can’t bring yourself to enter it.

“She’s doing her best too, Mr. Barnes.” Peter says quietly, looking worriedly at you. “To keep herself together, to not break down… To not lose hope.” 

Peter looks back at Bucky and leans in, like he’s telling him a secret. “But I can tell it’s getting harder. She can’t sleep, or eat, she can’t stop thinking about you but she can’t bear to see you like this…” 

Peter almost hoped that telling him this would be enough to make Bucky wake up, but he understands that it’s more complicated than just willpower. Peter sighs and leans back in his chair, his eyebrows furrowed with worry as he looks at Bucky. “You have to come back to her, Bucky.”

Day 6 

You almost shove Tony into Bucky’s room. Everybody else is busy, most of the team being out on missions, and you still can’t bring yourself to see him.

“Hey, Terminator, how’s the coma going?” You groan loudly enough for him to hear while yelling ‘Tony!’ from outside and he chuckles. “Kidding, kidding…” 

Tony reluctantly sits down on the chair next to Bucky’s bed. It’s not like he hates him, they have slowly developed a relationship. It’s not quite enough to call it a true friendship, but it’s enough for them to get along when they’re in a group setting, they just don’t spend any time just the two of them. 

“Fine, let’s level, Barnes.” Tony says with a sigh after several minutes of silence. “I know we’ve had a rocky relationship from the start, but you have to see where I’m coming from.” 

Tony thinks back at what happened in Siberia. He feels guilty about it now, but in the moment he was in the eye of the tornado. He couldn’t see a way out.

“Seeing you do those things on camera… It did something to me. And then that’s all I could see, your hand around my mom’s throat…” He trails off, swallowing hard as the memory comes rushing back. “But that wasn’t your fault.” He concedes after another moment of silence. 

“You know how they say that villains deserve to have their stories told from their own point of view?” He asks rhetorically, knowing Bucky can’t answer. “I never believed that. I thought it was just an excuse for bad people to justify their actions… A ‘you don’t know what drove me here, so you can’t judge my actions, as bad as they may seem to you’ type of thing.”

He glances down before looking back at Bucky with a small smile. “And then I met you. And I tried to kill you…” He chuckles awkwardly, then sighs. “But I’m glad I didn’t succeed. I’d never been able to get to know you, to understand your side of things… You’re a pretty badass dude.”

Tony smiles at Bucky. Even he has to admit that Bucky has made so much progress. He’s opened up more than anyone would’ve expected, he cares about the team, he laughs and jokes around with everybody. He’s not as guarded as he used to be, he’s truly a part of their evergrowing, eccentric family.

“I know I should’ve told you this a long time ago. It’s always been kind of implied, but…” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t blame you for what happened to my parents. Not anymore.” 

He pauses, he’s never actually said the words out loud, but right now he needs to.

“But I will blame you if you leave her like this…” He says playfully before adding more seriously. “She needs you, Bucky. More than you know, maybe even more than you need her.”

He’s never actually called him by his name, but he knows this is important and doesn’t find it in himself to come up with some funny nickname.

“Everybody wants a happy ending, and you’re hers.” He adds after another second. “And I know, part of the journey is the end, but… It’s not time for your end yet. Don’t leave her like this.” 

Day 7 

You can’t put it off any longer.

The team is out on various missions, you’re the only one in the compound along with a still unconscious Bucky. You take a deep, shaky breath and enter his room.

For a moment you stand in the doorway, tempted to run out as far and fast as you can. But you need to do this.

You walk to his bedside and bite your lip as you look at his peaceful face. Steve was right, he looks like he’s just sleeping. But you know better.

“Hi, baby…” You say quietly as you run your fingers through his hair softly. “I know, I’m sorry I haven’t… I haven’t been here.”

You feel guilty that you haven’t been taking care of him like you should. “But seeing you like this… It just hurts so bad.” You know it’s selfish. He’s the one that you should be caring for, but all you can preoccupy yourself with is your own feelings. “I want to be strong for you and I’m sorry I can’t…” 

You sit down on the chair next to his bed, gently taking his flesh hand in yours, and it’s as warm as it’s always been. For a few moments you do nothing more than just look at him, the beeping of the machines becoming background noise. You almost hope he’ll wake up out of sheer willpower, but you know it won’t happen.

“I need you to wake up, Bucky. Please…” You say quietly, almost pleading with him as tears start to come to your eyes, but you try your best to hold them back. “I need to see your smile, and your beautiful blue eyes, even if they are rolling in annoyance at some stupid pun I made.” 

You chuckle at the thought of all those times that he rolled his eyes at you when you made bad puns and dad jokes, only to laugh a second later. 

Not even because he found them funny, but because of the look you’d give him. Like you were doing everything you could not to laugh, because to you those silly jokes were the funniest thing ever, and he loved how much joy they brought you. 

And that was nothing compared to the way your eyes would light up when he’d laugh, like your greatest accomplishment in life was bringing him joy, even when both of you were entirely aware that it’s not the jokes that he enjoys. 

It’s you.

“I need to hear your voice and feel your touch… You’re everything to me, baby… Everything I need, everything I love…” You pause and bite your lip.

Love. That’s a word you two haven’t said yet. You feel it, you show it, you both know it. But you don’t say it.

Is this the best moment to say it for the first time? Probably not, but, with some hesitation, you say it anyway.

“You are love. When I think of love, when I hear it, when I say it… It’s you, just you, filling my head.” You reach out to caress his cheek. “It’s just you. I love you, Bucky. I’m sorry I’m telling you like this, and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner… But I need you to wake up  so I can tell you. I need you to hear it, I… I need you, Bucky.” Your tears start to fall without you even noticing. 

“I can’t lose you… I’m not ready… No one ever is, but I can’t…” Your voice breaks and you try to stifle a sob but fail miserably. “I can’t do this without you, Jamie... Just please wake up...” 

You wrap your arm around Bucky's, your other hand holding onto his like it's the only thing keeping him, and you, alive. Like you almost expect to hear the monitors flatlining if you were to let go. 

So you don't, you lay your head on his arm and allow yourself to break for the first time all week and your voice becomes a whisper. “Please…”

Day 8 

Somehow you managed to fall asleep, the first time you’ve slept in a week, still holding onto Bucky’s arm. 

When you wake up the next morning there’s a few moments where you forget everything that happened. You try to get up from the bed, but feel a weight on your stomach and when you look down you see Bucky’s arm holding onto you. 

Suddenly everything that happened in the past week comes rushing back and, at the same time, you realize you’re no longer in the medbay but instead you’re laying on the bed of yours and Bucky’s shared bedroom.

Confused as to how you ended up here and still a little sleepy, you look up with a frown to see Bucky already looking down at you with a goofy grin.

“Bucky!” You all but yell while throwing yourself at him, pushing him onto his back and straddling him. You hug him tightly as he chuckles at your more than enthusiastic reaction.

You feel his arms wrapping around you as he hugs you back. You want to look at him, but part of you is terrified that if you were to let go he'd disappear. You'd wake up and realize this was just a dream and Bucky is still unconscious.

“Doll,” That simple word, his deep voice was all you needed to confirm this is indeed real and he's awake “you're kind of crushing me here, sweetheart.” Bucky teases you playfully, but he doesn't mean it and you both know it. 

Even though you are clinging to him like a koala bear, it doesn't bother him in the slightest. He just wants you to look at him.

You reluctantly pull away from Bucky’s neck just enough to look into his eyes. He brings his hand up to stroke your cheek softly and you instinctively lean into his touch. 

You close your eyes for a second before they snap open again as you realize there’s something you need to tell him.

“I love you.” You take his face in your hands. “I love you so fucking much. And I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I ju-”

Bucky interrupts what he’s sure it’s gonna be a long rant that ends with you unnecessarily apologizing a bunch of times by placing his hands on yours on his face and squeezing them softly, bringing you back to the present.

“I know, doll.” he says simply and you frown a little.

Sure, you’ve both always known you had deep feelings for each other, but he seems pretty sure when you have never actually said the words.

Bucky can see the wheels turning in your head and, chuckling, he decides to solve the mystery for you. “I heard you. I could hear everything while I was unconscious.” 

“You could?” you ask, blushing a little now that you know he heard you breaking down. You’re glad he now knows the depth of your feelings for him, but it’s still a little embarrassing.

“I could,” he says with a smirk. “It's gonna make for a lot of interesting conversations with the team.”

You can’t help but laugh, you’re not sure what the rest of the team talked to him about, but if they were all as emotional as you then Bucky’s gonna have a field day discussing all of that with equally embarrassed Avengers.

Suddenly, Bucky brings your face down to his and kisses you. You make no attempt to resist and actually whine a little when he pulls away, which makes him chuckle at your antics.

“I love you too, baby.” He says softly while stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. “You’re everything to me. My best friend, the love of my life, my very reason to live.”

You feel your tears starting to gather again but, even if this time they’re of joy, you still don’t let them fall.

Before you can say anything though, the door of our room slams open and you can barely understand what’s happening before Steve, Wanda, Peter, Natasha, Sam and Tony throw themselves on the bed, crushing you while they all yell at the same time, the chorus of joy being along the lines of ‘Bucky’s alive’.

Bucky’s arms around you tighten while he tries to protect you from the team’s attack as best as he can while the two of you laugh at your friend’s antics.

You may have had the worst week of your life, but it’s over now. And while you’re looking forward to having some time alone with Bucky, right now you’re happy to be squished under a pile of shouting Avengers.

This just feels right. As weird as your life, and your family is, you wouldn’t want it any other way.

[ladykailitha]

Across a Crowded Room

*grumbles* I can't believe this IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE AND SHORT! Not only has it gotten a little angsty in middle there, it's about to breach 10k words. And I'm not even CLOSE to the ending.

The fuuuucckkkkk.

I was meant to be working on other things. Like editing a story to be beta'ed so I can put it on AO3 for you all, extending Batshit soulmates because I was skipping over too much, and wrapping up Glitters.

Guess who did none of those things because this story consumed my soul?

ME!!!

I will be posting this on Saturday as it's not one of my regular WIPs.

Enjoy. *sniffs* I guess.

Summary: Modern, no monsters AU. After they all graduated from high school the older teens drifted to other parts of the country. And while Steve and Eddie have made short trips to see each other, usually with the whole, they really haven't spent much time in the same room in years.

That all changes when Eddie is able to spend a week in Chicago with Steve and Robin.

But when Eddie sees Steve for the first time in years, he gets scared. Will have the courage to walk across that crowded room to be with Steve?

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

Eddie hadn’t seen Steve in years. After high school when they became friends through mutual parenting of six absolutely terrifyingly smart teenagers, they kinda went their separate ways.

Steve and Robin had gone to Chicago for college and Eddie and his band had gone further west to LA to try and make it as metal artists.

This is was the first time in a really long time that their schedules lined up. They talked all the time. Friends on all their social media. But they hadn’t seen each other since they said goodbye in Steve’s driveway four years ago.

Eddie was standing at the bar entrance where he was supposed to be meeting Steve, just staring at him.

God, he had been gorgeous in high school. Because of course he was. Captain of the basketball team, co-captain of the swim team, and the baseball team’s best hitter.

But he looked even more so now.

His honey colored, wind tussled hair had grown out a bit. A lock of hair flopped devastatingly in front of one of his hazel eyes. He had filled out some, once thin and wiry, now deep chested and toned. Even in the winterscape hell that was Chicago, Steve’s skin was warmly tanned.

He was laughing with a group of people and never had Eddie felt more out of place in his life, and that was saying something. He had been dropped off at his Uncle Wayne’s when he was twelve. Been nicknamed the “Freak”. And had always been flamboyantly himself: a big, gay, metal loving geek.

Eddie was about to turn around and go back the way he came when a familiar voice called his name.

He turned around and there was Robin Buckley. Steve’s platonic soulmate and best friend.

“Hey,” he croaked.

“Did you just get here?” she asked brightly.

Eddie nodded. “My flight was delayed three times. I haven’t even been to my hotel yet.”

Robin winced. “That sucks.” She looked at him more closely and he gulped. “You weren’t thinking of cutting and running were you?”

“Me?” Eddie said, dramatically clutching his hands to his chest. “I would ne–”

She raised an eyebrow at him, effectively shutting him up.

“I wasn’t gonna,” Eddie said mournfully, “until I got here. He just looks so happy. He doesn’t need someone like me coming back into his life like a wrecking ball.” He pulled out his phone and waved it at her. “Once I can get this charged, I’ll message him and tell him my flight got canceled and that’ll we’ll reschedule.”

She looked at his phone and then back up at him. “What happened to your phone?”

“My charging cable port snapped,” he grumbled. “And it died after the first delay.”

Again she winced in sympathy.

“You’re in love with him,” she said, “aren’t you?”

Eddie sighed and looked back over at Steve. One of his friends must have told a joke because Steve was laughing so hard his eyes were mere slits. He looked back at her and he sighed.

“The sky is blue, Midwestern winters suck,” he muttered, “and I’m in love with Steve Harrington.”

Robin rolled her eyes, then she got this calculating grin on her face.

“Uh oh.”

“I’ll tell you what,” she said slyly, “you let me do a little experiment with a small wager. If I win, you man up and tell him how you feel. If you win, you can tell him that your trip has been cut short and you have to go back in a couple of days and blow out his life again.”

Eddie pursed his lips and looked at back at Steve.

“What’s the experiment?” he asked.

Robin jumped up and down with glee. “I’m going to text Steve that I found you. You aren’t going to take your eyes off him the whole time. Then when I’m done, I’ll show the conversation.”

He licked his lips. “And what’s the wager?”

“You think he’s happier without you,” she said. “If that’s true, he’s not going to show a lot of excitement. He’ll be relieved and happy that you’re here, but no real enthusiasm. Right?”

Eddie just nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“I know he’s going to flip out,” she continued with that sly grin. “He’s going to be jumping up and down and looking around for you, trying to find you in the crowd.”

“What if it’s somewhere in the middle?” Eddie asked honestly.

Robin cocked her head to the side. “Then you stay the full week and suss him out.”

Eddie let out a long sigh. “All right. You’re on.”

“Good!” she said. She grabbed him by the arms and moved him a little. “There. Now he won’t be able to spot you immediately.”

He had let himself be manhandled because he had long since learned that Robin could and would kick if he didn’t do what she wanted.

“Now, keep your eyes on Steve.”

Eddie scoffed. “Easiest thing in the world.”

Robin snorted and got out her phone.

He really wanted to look over her shoulder to see what she was typing because he was eaten up with curiosity about what she was sending Steve. But he did as he was told. He kept his eyes on the most beautiful boy in the world.

Steve pulled out his phone and then his head snapped up. He looked around excitedly. He started flapping his hands and talking animatedly with his friends. Eddie watched as he smoothed down his hair and wiped his hands on his jeans. He pulled out a breath mint out of his pocket and ducked his head when his friends obliviously teased him for it.

He looked over at Robin in shock.

“What the hell did you tell him?”

She turned her phone around and he read their conversation.

-Guess who I found by the door looking like a lost puppy?

-He’s here?

-Eddie’s here?

-Where?

-Why didn’t he text me? :(

-lol

-Calm down, I’ll bring him to you.

-The idiot’s phone died and his charger broke.

-I can’t be calm, how can I be calm? He’s here! He’s finally here.

“Oh.”

The little frownie face at the end of the “Why didn’t he text me?” message did Eddie’s heart in.

He cleared his throat. “Um...if I were to, say, I don’t know, go over there and kiss his lights out, would I get hate crimed?”

Robin laughed. “No. And there is no one in his friends that would be nasty about it either.”

Eddie nodded. “Lead the way.” He bowed and waved his hand dramatically so that she would go first.

“Nerd.”

Eddie cackled as he followed her to the table. Steve was on his feet the instant he saw him.

Eddie was a weak man. That had been pretty well established tonight. So he thought he could be excused when he picked Steve up by the waist and swung him around.

“Eddie!” Steve giggled.

Robin scoffed. “Gays are so disgusting.”

“Says the lesbian,” Steve said when Eddie had put him down.

“Lesbians are a different flavor of gay and thereby aren’t disgusting,” she said with a half shrug like it was a truth universally acknowledged or some shit.

He shook his head and turned back to Eddie, who had yet to let go of his waist. “I missed you, too, Eds.”

“I missed you so much, Stevie,” Eddie whispered back.

“Yeah?” Steve asked, hopeful.

“Yeah,” he breathed and lifted Steve’s chin. He pressed their lips together and suddenly Steve’s crowd of friends erupted into cheers.

Steve broke the kiss and stared up at Eddie in awe.

“Wow.”

Eddie giggled. “You like that?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, more than a little breathless. “You’re stuck now. That’s how I want you to greet me every time now.”

Eddie’s face split with a large grin. “You got it, baby.”

Robin cleared her throat. “May I remind you two that we are in fact in public?”

Eddie and Steve looked over at her and then back at each other. Robin isn’t sure who started it, but soon they both were laughing like children.

Steve introduced him to the small group of friends.

There was a sofa near the table Steve’s friends were sitting at so Eddie sat down there, so Steve could cuddle up on his side.

“How long are you in town for?” A punky Asian girl with pink and purple streaks in her short cropped hair asked. Steve had introduced her as Maria Nguyen. They had a couple of classes with each other.

Steve looked at Eddie as if he had been wondering the same thing.

Eddie chuckled. “That’s the surprise I was telling you about, darlin’. Me and the boys got a record deal and their headquarters and studio is right here in Chicago. So I will be moving to the fair Windy city.”

“You’re staying?” Steve asked, his voice rising with excitement.

“I’m in town for about a week to look for apartments and shit,” Eddie amended. “Then I will move here at the end of the month.”

“Holy shit!” Robin said, glaring daggers at him.

Steve picked up on the latent hostility, but Eddie shook his head and whispered, “I’ll tell you later.” He pressed a kiss to Steve hair.

“You have a band?” a large young man with freckles and braces asked. He had red hair and wire rimmed glasses. Steve said his was Jason, Justin...Jarren! That was it.

“Sure do!” Eddie said. “Corroded Coffin. Me and my three closest friends, besides Buck and Stevie here, have been out in LA playing our hearts out.”

“Buck?” Maria asked, rearing her head back.

“Buckley!” Eddie explained.

“So what kind of music do you play?” Jarren asked, leaning forward, very interested.

“Metal.”

Maria snorted. “Like that’s Steve’s least favorite kind of music.”

Steve sat up. “It is not! There are all sorts of music I don’t like. Metal can be good. It’s just the screamo shit I can’t stand. Corroded Coffin isn’t like that.”

“Yeah,” Robin agreed. “Hell, Steve would put pop music below metal and you know how much he loves Tears for Fears.”

Eddie groaned. “I still can’t believe of all the 80s bands out there to be your favorite you pick Tears for Fears!”

“What? They’re great.”

“Stevie, darlin’, love of my life,” Eddie said sweetly. “You cannot honestly tell me that their version of ‘Mad World’ is better than Gary Jules.”

“Wait?” Jarren said. “They did a cover of ‘Mad World’?”

Steve shook his head. “They sang it originally. Here let me show you.”

He pulled out his phone and handed it over. Robin, Maria, and Jarren huddled around the phone as they watched the video for it.

“That was trippy as hell,” Maria said, handing the phone back to Steve.

“I know, right?” Eddie said.

Steve rolled his eyes. “He does have a point regarding this one song. The original version is too fast for what the song is about.”

Eddie cackled with glee.

“I still maintain that Shout, Head Over Heels, and Everybody Wants to Rule the World are absolute bangers,” Steve huffed.

Eddie kissed his cheek and Steve blushed.

“Wait!” Jarren said, “Do my eyes deceive me or is Steve Harrington, the man, the myth, the legend, blushing?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Not that again. I don’t believe it was ever a thing.”

Eddie sat up on the sofa, too and looked Steve in the eye. “What’s this, babe?”

“Stevie here made a girl come just by talking to her,” Robin said with a grin.

Eddie licked his lips slowly and Steve blushed deeper. “Did you now?”

“No!” Steve insisted. “That was just the excuse she used for running away after I badly flirted with her.”

Maria scoffed. “Dude, I was there, you did not flirt badly.”

Eddie pulled Steve close to his side and murmured in his ear. “I fully expect the full Harrington Charm experience, sweetheart.” His voice dropped really low. “Because I bet you could make me come just from the sound of your voice.”

Steve’s eyes went wide and he ducked his head.

Maria shook her head. “I can’t believe that King Steve got out rizzed by this swagless loser. How in the hell?”

“Maria!” Jarren hissed. “He does not look like a swagless loser. You take that back. He’s cool.”

Eddie turned to Steve. “Looks like you’re going to have to be the tie-breaker, sweetheart.”

“How’s that?” Steve asked. “Robin hasn’t said anything yet.”

“Ah, but that’s because I think I’m cool,” Eddie said holding up one finger, “and I know that Robin would vote for swagless loser.”

Robin snorted. “Damn right I would.”

“So it’s girls verses guys,” Steve said thoughtfully.

Jarren snorted. “More like lesbians verses the gays.”

Steve cocked his head to the side and then nodded.

“I dub thee my really cool metalhead geek!” Steve said solemnly.

Everyone’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Babe...” Robin said. “Did you just go down the middle of the road to avoid an argument?”

Steve batted his eyelashes at her. “Maybe...”

Eddie huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest, pouting. Steve leaned forward and kissed the bottom of his jaw.

“How about my very cool, gorgeous, metalhead boyfriend?” he murmured softly.

Eddie looked down at him eyes wide. “Holy shit, you mean that?”

Steve nodded.

Eddie swiftly brought their mouths together and kissed Steve deeply. “That is acceptable.”

Steve giggled.

The night past in good company and drinks.

Eddie had duck out early because he still had to check into his hotel, but he kissed Steve goodbye and left with a spring in his step.

****

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Also, also. I forgot to mention that the title comes from a song by Counting Crows called Long December. So in my head I was singing, It's been so long since you came to (Indiana) I think you should!

Never mind they're in Illinois and the actual lyric is California.

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @danili666 @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

[etrevil]

I just can't get enough of the new episode like, goddamn. I love it.

Cutting to the chase, the back and forth between who's topping the other - Agency and DOA addition - was such a nerve-wracking succession of scenes even as a manga reader. Like, yes I know how this ends, yes I know there isn't much to be worried about,

but then the New Order pilots come into play. And then suddenly, the blondie's bleeding and the cool eyepatch is dead. Okay, I get that: poison, simple. Wait, what do you mean Fyodor did that? Is it still poison? Is it his ability? Is it something else?

-was my first reaction concerning the manga, and the shake of emotions reappeared watching episode six, and I adore it for that.

It threw me onto my toes, kept me up like I was in heels, and I love how Teruko and Tecchou come in with a military vehicle, and Tecchou shouts out his wonderful "setchudai!" while Jouno's probably out there somewhere as a vampire. Can't wait for him to say, "I will put Jouno above justice," because I will froth at the mouth.

Anyways, Ranpo's dialogue was such a delight and stress-inducer to hear. I was so, so worried even after I read the manga. 'cause he sounded so confident before the pilot-escorts got taken care off, and Fukuchi got his hands on the New Order. Are they screwed? Is everything fucked now?

This scene,

did nothing to help, because it's good, beautiful with its colors, and just reminded me how much of a truly dangerous character he is. In prison, yet still aiding his allies for his own means.

And when I was watching the new episode, the line, "If we'd made just one more mistake, we would have lost the One Order," had turned me upside down. I was confused at first. I thought Ranpo would be shakes up, panicking even- but no. He said this with certainty in his voice. And Fukuchi's wide-eyed expression was the cherry on top.

Because this was when I remembered another bastard in prison, aiding his allies for Yokohama's safety:

DAZAI HOLY SHIT, I had literal chills when this scene came up in both the manga and anime. This man really is on par with Fyodor, and I was fooled by their silly little life counseling in mersault.

And gosh, I gotta appreciate how similar yet different these two scenes between Dazai and Fyodor are. Both are looking over their shoulder, but Fyodor stays in his position and half of his face is hidden. Dazai, on the other hand, starts with his back. Then he turns towards us, fully showing his face with that hella pretty smile of his, and these small differences really just make me love how the two are like the antithesis of one another.

Both are labeled demons, and yet one sought out the light and is now doing his best to protect the home he's found from his alike, who wishes to burn the whole world down for his belief.

The cut to the opening song was just, so good.

Anddd I think I'm done... still jumping all over the walls though :D

This ain't an analysis or anything fancy tbh, just me geeking out about bsd episode six (the first half of it) 'cause I love this story so much, and I needed to get this vibrating thought out my head and into readable words.

Might make another one for the episode's second half idk

[foone]

I closed the cell door behind him. The handcuffs were gone again, of course, but we'd long since run out of real pairs and zip ties we had on us, and didn't particularly feel like exhausting the storage room's supplies. Davis started giving him the talk about getting a phone call and all and the perp suddenly says "Look" with the kind of loud voice you can hear in your teeth.

He pulls out a locket from under his shirt (didn't Davis already search him? Why am I surprised...) and holds it up to the bars. "Look here, and listen."

I step forward and look at the odd object. It looks uncomfortable to wear against your skin, but I was never much one for jewelry anyway. No one was much surprised the tomboy became a cop, after all.

It's a crystal shape, like two pyramids attached together. It's a sort of shimmering black color with a tinge of red around the edges. But in the middle...

I look closer. There's a circle, beige, with wispy lines of white and orange mixed through it, like a badly mixed coffee with way too much milk. I momentarily get the feeling like I'm looking down from a great height.

I shake my head. Davis is asking what it is. The suspect shakes his head and puts it back under his shirt. "Just tell your boss this: Where is Venus?"

Weird little creep.

You go back to your work, trying and mostly failing to explain how that arrest went. You're pretty sure an official support shouldn't use the phrase "somehow" and "apparently" that many times. You're certainly going to have to explain this one, no way is this going to be accepted without further review.

Your near-antique desk phone rings. It's the chief. "I just got off a very stern phone call. I need you to let out the prisoner in cell 13 immediately. Don't worry about procedure, I'm sending this as an order in writing, just give them any shit you confiscated and show them the door. And I mean immediately. I'm coming down there now to sign the release papers that were just faxed to me, I want them out of the building in less than 5 minutes. Is that understood?"

You gulp. "yes sir. I'm on the way over now."

You're not even surprised when you unlock the cell that the fucker is in there playing on his phone. You personally confiscated that, you're sure. Maybe the geek had a couple phones, and hid one of them? You did a pretty comprehensive pat-down... Ew.

Davis walks up with the goods bag, but he's got his usual confused look twice as bad at the moment. Before he can even say the problem, you can see it from what he's holding. Or rather, what he's not. The transparent bag is empty, the seal is still in place.

Before you can even explain that you've somehow lost his stuff, the perp is standing up and telling you not to worry about their stuff. The Chief is still on the way and he's supposed to be here for this, but from that phone call it sounded like he didn't want any delays. You turn the key in the lock, and the mechanism engages, automatically sliding the door open.

Your oddest arrest of your career (and there has been some competition!) walks out the door, tugs at his shirt, and says a quick dismissive thanks, before heading down the hall towards a glowing exit sign.

The Chief finally shows up as he's walking away, and is visibly out of breath. You hand him the clipboard with the papers to sign, and he wheeze out a thanks, after a coughing fit that leaves him buckled over and giving you the most marvelous view of his shiny, shiny bald spot.

"so who was it who called to spring that jerk, if you don't mind me asking?"

"it was a conference call. That was the director of NASA and the President"

"of... NASA?"

"no, of the country."

"oh, my. Can he order the release of a prisoner?"

"I mentioned exactly that while I was on the phone, and I'm not sure of his exact wording but it was something like 'shut up, do it now, or there'll be a Black Hawk dropping a squad of marines in your parking lot in 15 minutes, and they'll do it for you.'"

"Jesus!"

"so I said 'yes sir, will do'. He said the DOJ will figure out the justification later."

"This isn't over, is it? We're gonna be doing paperwork and lawsuits over that little fu... freak for a while, aren't we?"

"probably. But get this: The president himself told me not to mention this to anyone, but since you were there I think you should know. Besides, I haven't signed anything yet... Remember how the director of NASA was on the line too?"

"yeah, that was odd. What's this guy, some renegade astronaut who's late for his flight or something?"

"no idea. But apparently his magician talents don't end with pulling rabbits from hats and escaping from your handcuffs. They think he somehow palmed the planet Venus."

You blink slowly. "what"

"yeah. Whole damn planet is gone. NASA is not happy. The military is very worried."

"about Venus?"

"No, more about what else he can do, I imagine. If he can grab a planet out of the sky, what could else can he do? Borrow a tank? Steal a nuke? Drop the moon on DC?"

"I see their point."

Your walk-and-talk comes to its end as you arrive back at your office. You look at the big windows, and you can see the strange man still crossing the parking lot. He pauses by a squad car, then looks back at the window, before giving you a big thumbs up.

The Chief has to stop you from running after him, as he opens the door to your car and drives off. "Don't. We'll figure this out, I'll get you another vehicle. I am not getting an angry call from the dang president TWICE in one day."

You're never going to finish the paperwork from today, you can feel it in your bones.

[gubbles-owo]

When whipping up Railgun in two weeks' time for a game jam, I aimed to make the entire experience look and feel as N64-esque as I could muster in that short span. But the whole game was constructed in Godot, a modern engine, and targeted for PC. I just tried to look the part. Here is the same bedroom scene running on an actual Nintendo 64:

I cannot overstate just how fucking amazing this is.

Obviously this is not using Godot anymore, but an open source SDK for the N64 called Libdragon. The 3D support is still very much in active development, and it implements-- get this-- OpenGL 1.1 under the hood. What the heck is this sorcery...

UH OH, YOU'VE BEEN TRAPPED IN THE GEEK ZONE! NO ESCAPE NO ESCAPE NO ESCAPE EHUEHUHEUHEUHEUHUEH While there is a gltf importer for models, I didn't want to put my faith in a kinda buggy importer with an already (in my experience) kinda buggy model format. I wanted more control over how my mesh data is stored in memory, and how it gets drawn. So instead I opted for a more direct solution: converting every vertex of every triangle of every object in the scene by fucking hand.

THERE ARE NEARLY NINE HUNDRED LINES OF THIS SHIT. THIS TOOK ME MONTHS. And these are just the vertices. I had to figure out triangle drawing PER VERTEX. You have to construct each triangle counterclockwise in order for the front of the face to be, well, the front. In addition, starting the next tri with the last vertex of the previous tri is the most efficient, so I plotted out so many diagrams to determine how to most efficiently draw each mesh. And god the TEXTURES. When I painted the textures for this scene originally, I went no larger than 64 x 64 pixels for each. The N64 has an infamously minuscule texture cache of 4kb, and while there were some different formats to try and make the most of it, I previously understood this resolution to be the maximum. Guess what? I was wrong! You can go higher. Tall textures, such as the closet and hallway doors, were stored as 32 x 64 in Godot. On the actual N64, however, I chose the CI4 texture format, aka 4-bit color index. I can choose a palette of 16 colors, and in doing so bump it up to 48 x 84.

On the left, the original texture in Godot at 32 x 64px. On the right, an updated texture on the N64 at 48 x 84px. Latter screenshot taken in the Ares emulator.

The window, previously the same smaller size, is now a full 64 x 64 CI4 texture mirrored once vertically. Why I didn't think of this previously in Godot I do not know lol

Similarly, the sides of the monitors in the room? A single 32 x 8 CI4 texture. The N64 does a neat thing where you can specify the number of times a texture repeats or mirrors on each axis, and clip it afterwards. So I draw a single vent in the texture, mirror it twice horizontally and 4 times vertically, adjusting the texture coordinates so the vents sit toward the back of the monitor.

The bookshelf actually had to be split up into two textures for the top and bottom halves. Due to the colorful array of books on display, a 16 color palette wasn't enough to show it all cleanly. So instead these are two CI8 textures, an 8-bit color index so 256 colors per half!! At a slightly bumped up resolution of 42 x 42. You can now kind of sort of tell what the mysterious object on the 2nd shelf is. It's. It is a sea urchin y'all it is in the room of a character that literally goes by Urchin do ddo you get it n-

also hey do u notice anything coo,l about the color of the books on each shelf perhaps they also hjint at things about Urchin as a character teehee :3c I redid the ceiling texture anyways cause the old one was kind of garbage, (simple noise that somehow made the edges obvious when tiled). Not only is it still 64px, but it's now an I4 texture, aka 4-bit intensity. There's no color information here, it's simply a grayscale image that gets blended over the vertex color. So it's half the size in memory now! Similarly the ceiling fan shadow now has a texture on it (it was previously just a black polygon). The format is IA4, or 4-bit intensity alpha. 3 bits of intensity (b/w), 1 bit of alpha (transparency). It's super subtle but it now has some pleasing vertex colors that compliment the lighting in the room!

Left, Godot. Right, N64. All of the texture resolutions either stayed the same, or got BIGGER thanks to the different texture formats the N64 provides. Simply put:

THE SCENE LOOKS BETTER ON THE ACTUAL N64.

ALSO IT RUNS AT 60FPS. MOSTLY*. *It depends on the camera angle, as tried to order draw calls of everything in the scene to render as efficiently as I could for most common viewing angles. Even then there are STILL improvements I know I can make, particularly with disabling the Z-buffer for some parts of the room. And I still want to add more to the scene: ambient sounds, and if I can manage it, the particles of dust that swirl around the room. Optimization is wild, y'all. But more strikingly... fulfilling a childhood dream of making something that actually renders and works on the first video game console I ever played? Holy shit. Seeing this thing I made on this nearly thirty-year-old console, on this fuzzy CRT, is such a fucking trip. I will never tire of it.

[vivid-dreamscapes]

Can we get Denki with a reader who's quirk allows them to go into paintings they make or they can give drawings "life" and use them in battle? I was thinking their quirk allows them to create paint but a downside is that they start to turn into paint when overworked/under pressure. If you want a little plot to go off of maybe the reader takes him into a painting while he fried his brain to take care of him.

(Really sorry if ur requests aren't open or if you don't take them and I didn't realize 😔)

No problem, I’d love to do your request! I have writers block more often than not, so requests are super appreciated! Especially giving me plot, that’s SO helpful 🙏😖

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another day, another long, extremely painful study session in the dorm common rooms. As far as you knew, everyone was in their own rooms or out toning right now. Not you.

The UA festival had been a few days ago, and you had spent so much time practicing for 1-A’s act, you had totally left behind your homework.

So now you were studying on the couch’s, pink eraser lightly wedged between your teeth as you stared at the paper.

“Stupid English…” You muttered, bringing your pencil down to the paper again. You loved Present Mic, but he taught the absolute WORST class.

Right around then however, you heard your boyfriend stumbling over to you on the couches. All you did was turn around, and it was obvious he was short-circuiting again. With a sigh, you put down your homework sheets and walked over.

“Hey hon.” You said lightly, taking his hands in yours, a difficult task when they were stubbornly stuck in thumbs-ups. “Let’s get you somewhere more relaxing.”

You took the blonde up the elevator, through the halls, and into your dorm room. Anyone who walked into it for the first time would think it was an art studio.

The walls were absolutely scattered with painted canvases, mostly landscapes. Some of the paintings were even of training rooms, for times you were bored, needed the training, or couldn’t sleep. Where there weren’t paintings, there were shelves lining the walls. They were filled to the brim with paint, brushes of all kinds, paint trey pallets, etc.

In one corner was a canvas half-painted, and on it was what looked like an unfinished woodland cabin, with a deer in the background.

However, you carefully walked him over to a different painting. It was a small meadow, daises and other flowers littering the grassy fields. A nice checkered picnic blanket sat next to a bubbling creek, small rocks busting out from the water. A small basket of you and Denki’s favorite foods sat on the corner of the picnic blanket.

After a little bit of readjusting you hold on the blonde, before pressing your fingers against the dried paint on the canvas. Taking a deep breath, you activated your quirk.

Soon, the paint from the actual art piece melted under your touch, slowly turning into glob of color. After a moment, the wet paint of mixed colors started to almost crawl onto you, extending itself to cover you and Denki. Once it had completely covered your body, it pulled you in to the actually painting, leaving you with a ugh tingly feeling.

You sighed and made your way over to the picnic table, coaxing the brain-fried blonde to sit on the picnic basket too. Once he did, you got to work.

Sitting behind him, you combed your fingers through his hair, going on about your day, talking about topics you geeked out about, more hero training stuff. Something you had learned early on was he found your voice relaxing, and grounding.

When he finally managed to slip back into his more conscious state, the two of you talked and laughed for hours. The food in the picnic basket was gone pretty fast, one of the butterflies from the painting landing gently on the wicker handle.

Said butterfly was shortly scared away as you and your boyfriend rolled down the grassy hill—the blonde’s idea—slowing down at the bottom and stopping in a fit of giggles.

After what felt like hours of playing, laughing, talking, and kissing, the two of you hopped out of the painting into your dark room.

Whoops. It was way past curfew. Guess Denki was sleeping in here tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sorry that took me so long to write! I’ve been super busy, so I haven’t had the chance to write a lot. I hope you liked it!

[systematicallycapricious]

I'm a bit late to the party, but I recently got the first volume of the English P4U2 manga!

I am absolutely geeking out over comparing the Jap, Eng, and fan-Eng versions, so if anyone has any pages or panels they want to see side-by-side across the three, let me know and I'll make a post for you! I can't do the entirety of the book of course, but I can do a few pages at least.

--------------------

(Below the cut is my initial opinion on the quality of the translation work, some comparisons between various details of the Jap volume and the Eng volume, and some more manga page side-by-sides.)

--------------------

As for my impression of the translation work so far... To me, it feels like the translator was trying to preserve more of the original Japanese language/culture than Eng-P4AU chose to? Not in every instance though, as there's definitely cases where vernacular translations are utilized instead of literal. But where more literal translations are favored, the wording can feel a little awkward or OOC in English.

Even still, it's a pretty cohesive reading experience, in my opinion.

Also, they translated "Plume of Dusk" correctly, which is a relief. I was worried that some of the technical lore terms might get bungled by literal translations, lol. Conversely, while I'm glad that they didn't preserve Jap-Teddie's "-kuma" habit, and happy that they included a few bear puns in accordance to Eng-Teddie's speech habits, I do lament the low quantity and diversity of bear puns in Teddie's speech overall. Maybe there just wasn't a lot of good places for those in this volume though, so I'll have to see going forth.

Oh- and I noticed that some of the background signs and text got translations as well, which I think is really neat. (I don't read enough manga to know if that's just a standard feature of manga translations though, lol.)

Granted, this is just my first-read first impression, and I don't know enough Japanese to know if some lines may be translated less accurately or not. Plus, I tend to be on the lenient side when judging the quality of creative works. So please refer to other opinions as well if you're trying to decide the quality of the translation for yourself!

--------------------

Fun fact: the Eng version was printed bigger than the Jap version (at least for the Jap volumes I have; no clue if they printed those at multiple sizes).

--------------------

Also something cool about the Eng version is that it comes with the same color illustrations as the Jap version had, just sized-up. The exclusive edition also comes with a bonus fold-out poster of the original volume cover!

The end-of-volume artist/editor comic was included as well! I'm personally very glad to finally know what this comic says. My respect for Rokuro-san and Sakamaguro-san (the fish) as creatives has grown even further.

--------------------

Here's a few other page comparisons too because I found them interesting. xP

(If you wanna see the fan-Eng in higher quality than the screengrabs I used, you can find it on Mangadex [here].)

[finniestoncrane]

Finnie, my lovely gal, if it’s not too much to ask could I get a uhhh… no.9 with a side of you’re-a-really-awesome-writer jalapeño poppers and an extra sweet master-of-simp-fics iced tea please?

So I’m a Latina from Texas, but I am whiter than a damn ghost until around summertime where I get a little bit of a tan. ☀️ I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression, and I am somehow on the spectrum but not really (you can thank my psychiatrist) 🙃 I’m into drawing stuff especially if it’s fantastical and/or creepy. I like reading, gaming, doing stuff online, playing on my phone and lots of other stuff I rarely have time for 😅 Creepy stuff is my jam, as well as the colors pink and black and some cute things here and there. I love almost all types of music but I’m a BIG fan of classic rock and I love early 2000’s punk, Pour Some Sugar On Me is my favorite song while Green Day is my favorite band! Horror movies fill me with joy, not even kidding. I love weird facts and information. True crime stuff slaps 👌🏼Comedy shows like Friends and Golden Girls also slap 👋🏼 I have an eyebrow piercing, 5 tattoos (4 small, 1 big that was for my Nanna) and I definitely want more 😂😅 I have dirty blonde hair, hazel eyes, a scar on my back from spinal fusion surgery and I’m pretty proud of it tbh!

I’m sorry for rambling and I hope I didn’t add too much ❤️🥲

🎀 No.9: Ever Fallen In Love With Someone 🎀

tell me a little bit about yourself and i'll give you a rogue pairing a/n: ah peach this is perfect, i already knew lots about you but this was great because i know exactly who i would give you lmao💚 1k milestone info! 🔞minors dni🔞 • kofi • tag: finnie1k

ok so let's break this the fuck down!

first off, i think this particular crane is an absolute beast when it comes to mental health, so not only would he find it absolutely fascinating to be able to work with you, he could also prove to be very valuable in helping you to do some healing... or he might be mean about it, just depends on his mood i guess

i think this jon is probably a fan of classical music, but there's something about the dirty, nasty, loud vibes of punk that would get him going and the general horror/gore emotions that the songs/bands/music tend to evoke would be right up his street. he'd probably tell you how the different movements in "jesus of suburbia" really echo the movements often found in a lot of symphonies, and then request to bang you to it

artistic expression is something he would admire in a partner, or even a close friend. i don't imagine he's very artisitic himself, but he holds a deep appreciation for artwork, especially if it's on the spooky side, and especially if it's related to a beloved horror movie

which, speaking of, he'd the biggest horror movie fan ever? like canonically, the man is a buff, a dork, an obsessive loser over horror movies. having someone to get equally as geeked out over them with would bring him so much joy!!

hello true crime fan, it's probably not great for your anxiety, and he will nag you a little bit about that, but he wouldn't be above creating some reading materials for you if it's been a slow week, if you catch his drift...

he has a great sense of humour, if not slightly weird... but he strikes me as the kind of guy who has lines from shows memorised and who will use them at the worst times, making everything he says even creepier. so a binge refresh would be a perfect couple's activity! that way the next time he has someone held at knife point, teasing them to watch them sweat, he can make "could you be any more scared" the most terrifying reference to chandler bing ever. what an accomplishment!

[tex-treasure-chamber]

Assorted f/o questions asked by @honeyed-angel-wings

For Bond: what’s your favorite way to unwind from the hustle and bustle of life with Tex? 🥺

Since retiring, I've found that the best way to unwind is with a good glass of scotch, a plush blanket, and a book- preferably with Sunny reading said book and sharing said blanket. Having said that, thank you- may you rest well during your downtime.

For Mr. Pennyworth: Do you know how to ballroom dance? Have you ever taught Skipper how? :0c

Indeed I do; any butler worth his salt should know how to ballroom dance, if you ask me. I've taught Texie how since our time together and now and then, xe'll indulge me in an impromptu dance while we wait for whatever is in the oven to finish baking. Thank you very much for the question and remember to eat something at least once when you've read this! -A.P

For Ferris: Could you please describe your relationship with Moxie as if it were a painting? You can interpret that however you’d like!

Ach, well. That's a question. Hmm... I'd say... and I know Moxie wouldn't like me saying it, but our relationship reminds me of solid, strong lines- geometric shapes; I say this because we fit together quite well. The colors are rich and jewel toned, the paint layered thickly like you would find in a Van Gogh piece- layers of trust and mutual knowledge earned over time. Thank you, it was a very intriguing and inspiring question!

For Stark: On long nights, what are your favorite ways to make Sunny feel safe and cherished? 🥺

Two words: movie night. Love sitting down with shortstack with bowls of popcorn and snacks, love picking out a franchise to try and marathon together while we pick it apart, make fun of it, take it seriously- it's just great to have them cuddled next to me while we watch and I know in those moments they know I love them. Thanks for the question!

For Newt: Um!! Hi!!! I’ve highkey always wanted to meet you. Lowkey geeking out, sorry, sorry. You’re really sweet and I’m very inspired by your patience and kindness and giant heart >//< 👋👋 anyway question!! Which of your beast friends would you say Clover is most closely bonded with? Do you have any stories as to how they got that close? 🥹

Hello! I'm touched to be a role model! Don't forget to embrace your own innate good qualities and look up to yourself too! Erm let's see... I'd say Stellaria is most closely bonded with that pesky niffler of mine which is fine by me since I often don't have the time (or admittedly, the patience) to deal with the cheeky blighter. I like to tease Stellaria that she's only close to the niffler because they're both impishly small and attracted to shiny things so they of course have a sense of camaraderie haha. Really, I couldn't tell you any stories on how; it seems that they sort of just... bonded when my back was turned. Thank you for the question!

[uncharted-constellations]

I’ve been spending several years trying to figure out how and what I want to draw, and I am completely geeking out over your style! Unique faces, diverse hair and skin tones, and the way you use colors absolutely amazes me as someone who is terrible at coloring haha. Thanks for giving a budding artist some inspiration :)

This is an extremely sweet comment so thankyou!

On the other hand while there’s a lot of people who insist that everyone needs to “find a style”; Your art style should be whatever lets you have fun during the process~ I find throwing color on my art like i’m finger painting to be mostly fun but some days i have more fun focusing on making weird lines and can’t be bothered to color at all! I think the biggest source of burnout i see on here is people trying to stay within a certain style or genre and thats no fun at all.

Obviously if you’re trying to make a living off of art you might not be able to just do what you feel like doing all of the time but that shouldn’t mean you should ever stop experimenting! Take inspo from a 1700’s painting, a five year olds crayon drawing, and an internet weirdo’s fanart, go nuts! Anyone who says theyve perfected their style is full of phooey or some corporate dweeb. (or maybe im just very adhd but thats how i see it anyways)

[dayfalwastaken]

-Chomps on your fanfic-

-FancyGhost anon

Bon appetit! Hope you are feeling better ^^!

I'm running a little late(well, more than a little) behind schedule with the next chapter, but it's not gonna take much longer. Thank you for your patience.

Here's a little preview:

With that, the boy headed for the counter, wanting to waste no time earning his tickets. Evan however decided right then and there to jumpscare the boy by passing in front of him, appearing dead-set on doing… something. Matthew raised a brow at the piece of paper in his hands. Noticing that he’d stopped, the Afton whipped around to apologize.

“Oh, sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.” Matt brushed it off, motioning to the paper instead.

“I’m good. What’s that?”

Evan rubbed his elbow at the question, trying to hide the blush that was creeping on his cheeks.

“Um… it’s just a little drawing I did for- here!” gaining courage out of nowhere, the little boy thrust the paper into Matthew’s hands, looking up at him expectantly. Matt smiled for a moment at the cute sight, before checking out said drawing.

A colored sketch of Mari greeted him, who coming out of its box while hanging from a marionette’s cross, present in hand. The box itself was a proper cube, Mari’s face shape was that cheeky circle he’d grown accustomed to, the pose wasn’t butchered, and even the stripe count was right. And the whole thing was heavily stylized as well, to Matt’s pleasure. He wouldn’t have thought Evan to take after his brother and have an artistic inclination, but he more than impressed with the young boy. There were a couple of erased lines here and there, but besides that the sketch was clear, as was the line art. Technically Mari’s first ever fanart, and an awesome one to boot- oh, he just knew the Puppet would love it. How amazing was it that Evan had been the one to draw this, and that he’d done such a good job? The kid was so precious Matthew was sure he’d melt on the spot. Though, thanks to the mask he wasn’t far from it, as his clear mind enable him to better appreciate the drawing. Part of it had been colored with markers- Mari’s main body- while crayons and pencils had been used for the box, makeup and cross. It also seemed like Evan had been inspired by the Puppet statues they’d seen the previous day on the shelves, which… To draw that from memory with no reference... Wow. Matthew was more than a little envious. Ready to geek out, he handed the fanart back and proudly patted Evan’s shoulder.

“Dude, dude, this is so very well made, and I’m not just saying that! Like I’m genuinely shocked- I didn’t know you were so good at this type of stuff! I- I don’t even know what to say, it’s just- uh, props to you, man. If you keep practicing, you’re gonna be able to do some jaw dropping art.” Evan’s blush intensified at his words, unused to the praise. The boy glanced to the side before biting his lips and speaking in a hushed tone.

“A- Actually, Mikey helped with the lines and the er- the po- position. I did the colors and… yeah. It was mostly him.” oh. Matt deflated a bit hearing that, but he still gave the Afton a thumbs up. It was nice to hear Michael was being decent to his sibling. That was the least he could do.

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short. I stand by what I said, this is awesome. The fact that you didn’t go over the outline and that you weren’t afraid to mix things up is great. Good on Mike for lending you a hand, but I’m guessing you were the one with the idea to draw this, right?” the other nodded. “See? What counts is the intent. This’ll make Mari’s day if you plan on showing him, trust me.” He assured kindly.

From the look on his face Matthew got the impression Ev wished to refute the praise, but he opted otherwise, choosing to flash him a small smile. He hugged the paper to his chest.

“I wanted to make something for Mr. Marionette since he gave me my torch. It’s been helping me with my dreams and mum said that when someone’s nice to you, you have to be nice to them too.” Behind his mask the older boy made an ‘aww’ sound.

“Don’t let me stop you then. Go on.”

Wish you a great day, and sorry again for the wait!

[turtleneckandtee]

I absolutely adore your art style!

I found your art work earlier today and I’ve been scrolling through it sending pictures to a friend of mine and geeking over your drawing. The lines and colors all feel so free and organic while still being intentional. The piece of Vash wearing Megan’s dress reminds me of a 1930’s-1950’s fashion drawing and I’m OBSESSED

Thank you so much for posting all of your art, and I hope you have a lovely day :]

(If I had a bank account I would buy your prints, hopefully someday I can)

Oh wow you're so kind.. 🥹 Thank you so much for your words I actually opened this to read in the morning so you've already made my day at the start of the day hehe. Also glad to hear this about Vash in Megan dress piece because yes! I looked at some refs of fashion comp before start sketching.

Have a great day too! : o )

[autthesnot]

Hey, in your bobs burgers drawing (which is really good BTW) you draw on brown background. I've seen a lot of other artists do this too and I am just wondering why that is?

Thank you in advance if you answer this (no sweat if you don't!) and have a good timezone.

There are a few reasons for this actually!! Thank you for sending an ask, I love to geek out about art stuff like this.

For digital specifically, it reduces eyestrain, drawing high contrasting lines against a bright white background starts to hurt after a while. It doesn’t have to specifically be brown, but picking something a lil darker than white helps and not super saturated helps. I usually tend toward browns and like blue-grays (just depends on the vibe lol). I sometimes go a step further and will use something lighter than black against something darker than white (like for example, I enjoy an army green against beige). This is partially for like, feeling out colors and having fun, but it’s also just easier to look at over the course of several hours.

This is more of a traditional art stand point (but that’s where my education lies lol) Once you get to coloring or rendering, it kinda helps you identify the values (lightness/darkness) of the colors you’re going to use. If you already know what general color the BG will be it’s nice to work off of that, I usually go in Not Knowing That lol. If you have a more painterly style (which the Bob drawing isn’t the best example of) it also really unifies your color choices if you integrate or mix your background colors with your subject’s colors. When working traditionally I will physically mix a bit of my background paint colors with my more “star of the show” colors, and with digital you can do this by lowering the opacity (making something more see-through) or blending/including it throughout your drawing.

I straight up forgot to post the finished piece but here are some examples to illustrate the point some:

So you can kinda see how on pure white the shadows seem overly dramatic and things are comparatively dark. And with pure black, everyone seems weirdly glowy and they’re all very bright. And then on the neon green (for an extreme example) it really makes the color balance weird. Most of my art is very saturated in general, so this example isn’t very extreme, but a super bright background can really wash out a vibrant drawing and make it seem more bland, in addition to like making complimenting colors seem really extreme and similar colors more drab (like Linda’s red shirt seeming Extra Red against green, and everyone looking more orangey, but also Louise’s dress looking more murky)

For comparison against the brown, the colors are more grounded, you get the best of both worlds of seeing what is Actually dark and light. It isn’t a saturated color (but not fully gray) so the skin tones are less orange by comparison. In my real final piece I just ripped a background from the show and lowered the opacity over this brown to kinda draw attention away from it and keep the focus on the characters. (I’ll post it in a sec oops)

If anyone else has questions about why artists do certain things please feel free to send an ask, I am happy to explain anything I know!!

[clover-the-awesomest]

GUYS.

GUYS PLEASE.

LISTEN.

I adore this trailer with my heart and soul. I have rewatched it so many times over already. I've stayed long enough to stare intently at the credits at the very end of the video! I NEVER STARE INTENTLY AT THE CREDITS!!

This animation means so much to me, as someone who's been a fan of Life Mission for... A while. That kind of feeling probably isn't anything new, and a lot of you probably feel the same because you have maybe also been a fan for a long while! But I've been with LM since the beginning, or at least the second batch of pages. (THAT IS STILL VERY EARLY ON OKAY) I've been an avid reader of this comic for a very long time, despite not reblogging much from @daedelweiss. I just. I never got around to it, and now I kind of regret it.

I already went on a whole spiel in the comment section of the youtube version (Go check it out over there and give it a like and share with your friends please) about how much I appreciate daedelwiss and their team for working so hard on such a passionate and long project. But I never really praised the art itself. SO! I'ma do that right here, right now!

If you don't wanna read all of that and just wanna watch the friggin thing, then please do! Everything I wanna say is under the massive void of emptiness below so you can choose to read it. Just wanna show appreciation for one of my absolute all-time favorite AU's in the world.

Daedelwiss.

That was never a username I thought I'd memorize.

From the beginning, I at first thought the art was a bit too stiff, too wonky. April looked a little off at the time, but that's just because I was so used to all the more stretchy and anatomically incorrect art styles. I was too used to seeing art styles replicating or looking similar to the actual show. Other than Bloodbath, Life Mission was the first AU comic that I saw with a whole different art style that I had to get used to! So I wasn't all that intrigued, but I still read the pages I saw for shits and giggles.

Oh boy.

What ensued after like. A minute or two of reading, was just me geeking out over the colors and thick line-art and expressive emotions and pretty great dialogue! I was hooked, and immediately went onto Daedelwiss's blog to find the first pages because I was stupid and didn't see the link right at the bottom of the post.

Then I kept reading and geeking out and wanting more more MORE! I was ecstatic, waiting each day for a new batch of pages like a little kid on Hanukkah waiting for her presents on the eighth night. I was invested in how emotional and tense everything was. How determined Leo was to get his family back. How much he felt for his father in the memory sequence. How he was so close to breaking down when watching his father from the past tell his baby self what his brothers would've been like. How Leo then internalized every single word and made it his life mission to find his brothers and save them and bring them home and...

How everything just felt so raw and emotional. Because... Because how would you feel if you knew you had a loving family outside your home and in danger?

i dont know. thats why i read this comic.

It's not just the story, though. Over time, I quickly got used to seeing incredibly different art styles in the Rise community, and I had a burning love for all these projects within my soul growing. Especially when it came to Life Mission. When I finally got used to all these different AU's and stuff, I looked back at Life Mission, and felt a whole new appreciation for just. The art.

Because it takes a lot of effort, and I mean A LOT OF EFFORT, to draw something as clean and neat and strong as the style of Life Mission. The lines are always so perfectly thick and thin in the right places. The colors are so soothing for the eyes. There are no sketchy mistakes or lines that looked like they were drawn twice. Everything about the art is so expressive and neat, like it's all done by a professional, and once I got used to seeing so many sketchy and warbly drawings of the boys... I just. Adored Life Mission even more for what it was.

The neat art style also just helps the comic and the story stand out from all the rest. In all the other comics I've seen for this fandom, or at least a majority of them anyway, the art styles are all radically different and are all going for a sharpness. Like they are trying to be as unique as Rise itself. And none of them are bad, and I love all the art that every person in this fandom puts out because everyone here is all so lovely and creative! I wouldn't have it any other way! But Life Mission is different. There are no overly sharp edges or sketchy lines or half-assed backgrounds. (I really do adore half-assed backgrounds. I really really do love them. Please half-ass backgrounds more often) It's all just... A clean-cut perfection to the T!

And I adore that.

Amidst all the chaos, all the shenanigans, we have Life Mission. A fully fleshed-out, written, thought-over, basically finished story and comic.

(I meant "Finished" as in: The creator already knows what the story is gonna be like. I mean, what was this trailer even for if they didn't know where the story was going??)

It's all so well-done and just so lovingly crafted. Every panel in each page is drawn with patience and love. Every frame painstakingly animated is done with expertise. Every hiatus is set with purpose and self-love. And I just... I can't stress enough how much I love all of that.

I highly appreciate and look up to Daedelwiss, mostly because of their dedication to this story and the huge commitment they're giving it. In the past, I've tried committing to something not even half as big as this story, and it ended up failing because I just. Can't. Commit. But Daedelwiss was able to keep their head up and keep working, was able to give themselves breaks and time for themself while working on the comic and animations, and managed to make us all collectively feel for their characters and their world with just a few promotional animatics and comic pages. That all takes some serious talent, and I am very glad to say that Daedelwiss had all that talent right there in their pocket.

Speak of the devil, I really hope you see this Daedelwiss and know how much you're appreciated. I adore your art skills now, as I've spent a whole essay's worth of writing stating. But it was your inherit skill in writing that really drew me in from the beginning. As an amateur writer myself who's ran into many drawbacks while trying to write, I just. Really like what you've pulled off so far, and I hope your success continues. You've got a great story here and amazing art/writing skills, and I just really like that. It's cool.

Also good job on prioritizing your health and self-care over this comic/story. I give an A+ just for that alone lol

WELP!! That was a lot...! I spent a lot of time writing all of that, and I still have more to say about just. The characters! But I've wasted enough of your time, dear reader. Thank you so so SO MUCH for reading this, really, this was long even for me! It means a ton to me that you made it this far.

Please share Life Mission with your friends, I really hope they like it because this story is my all-time favorite and I really want it to get an oscar if it's even possible-

(/aff and /hj)

I spent like. I think an hour. Writing that. Hope you somehow liked it.

kthxbye-

finally, after a long wait i present to you the "Life Mission: Save My Brothers" trailer ✨

this trailer was painful to make but it was definitely a labor of love. i learned so many things in making it. i can't wait for all of you to watch the story unfold and i hope you're looking forward to what it has to offer 💖 thank you for being patient with me and i hope you'll all be here until the end!

and here are some of my favorite frames under the cut >:3

( 🌿 please do NOT repost, edit, trace, use, and/or sell 🌿 )

[my-so-called-life-ivan-edition]

Entry 4: Obsession

"i usually solve problems by letting them devour me"

-Franz Kafka

Dear Diary,

Today, we're making an early post because I passed out last night. I feel the need to talk about obsession and how it controls my life. To start, I don't think that a day goes by when I am not obsessing over something. Usually its some form of media that I focus on for a long period of time. It consumes me. It engraves itself into my soul becoming part of me until I have sucked out any ounce of joy that I have felt for the content, leaving myself with this innate feeling of emptiness. Without my obsessions, I feel like a shell of my former self. Like I'm not even human. The days start to feel dull and bland. I feel like everything loses color when I don't have something that i am constantly fawning over. There is nothing to occupy my mind. Nothing to distract me from the thoughts and issues that constantly rattle around in my head. No one to daydream about, to allow me to rant to something other than the echoing void in my bran. Nothing to distract me from the dullness of everyday life. I obsess over many things, whether it be characters, shows, games, movies. When I am not focused on those, my back up "obsessions" tend to be every single problem that I have in my day to day life. It consumes me. I dwell on the issue, while doing nothing to solve it. I allow myself to rot while the problem consumes my very being. Flesh, bones, and all. I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't need my obsessions to feel human. I wonder if one day, they'll all be gone and I can feel like myself without having my life being driven by media. I always say to my friend "you really haven't seen that?!" whenever I mention some form of media that I believe to be popular, forgetting that I am the odd one out in the situation. Forgetting that my want to consume all forms of media to distract myself from my day to day life isn't something that everyone experiences. I try to brush it off by just saying that I'm a "movie buff" or a "film geek" but none of that is true. Whenever i watch a new form of media, it is because I am looking for something new to consume me. Looking for something new to occupy my mind and devour me from the inside out. Looking for something to absorb into my personality to then be forgotten in the back of my mind months down the line. I have always wondered why my friend can never keep track of the shows that I want her to watch, but then I realise that I keep telling her to watch a different one every week. It reminds me that not everyone needs to drown out the thoughts in their head to feel like they can function. I wish that I knew why I was like this. i wish that I didn't need to let something consume my thoughts to feel like myself. i wish I could like things on a normal level without feeling like I need to know everything about it. Without having to consume all forms of content revolving around the subject. I want to like things like a normal person. I want to purge myself of the obsessions, but who would I be once you strip those away from me? Who am I even with these obsessions. Certainly not myself. I don't think I have ever been myself, and I don't think I ever will be. Maybe it's best if I just let my obsessions consume me. Flesh, bones, and all.