#i was feeling sad and unmotivated and then i was like huh. i want a hot dog.

[continuousmeowing]

made and ate two hot dogs at 8:30PM. this is the way life is meant to be lived.

[mythica0]

If you could maybe do a fic of Dev being sad at recess and Hazel, Jasmine, and Winn do something about it. I love this squad so much

Recess

🎂:Fop; a new wish

🧁:dev

🍫:Hazel, Winn, Jasmine

Summary: when Dev is a little down in the dumps at recess, the friend group helps him out when Peri can’t.

A/N: thanks for the request! Sorry for the slowing of my writing, as I said school started back up so I’ve got less free time. Enjoyyyy

Recess

“Tag! You’re it!” Hazel giggled as she lightly tapped Jasmine on the shoulder.

“Ohoho, you better run!” Quickly the chase turned around, as the pair ran around the playground during recess.

Not too far away, Dev was sitting on a bench watching. He hadn’t really felt like playing today.

It was one of those days where he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, feeling tired and unmotivated. A little sad.

Eventually Hazel realized Dev wasn’t occupying himself at all. They had thought he was just going to read or play on his IPad or something and that’s why he didn’t want to play with them, but he wasn’t. He was just sitting there, staring off into the distance.

As soon as she realized, she stopped running and pointed it out to the others. They all looked at each other, slightly confused, then walked over to him.

Peri was disguised as a pair of headphones around Dev’s neck. He tried to talk to him, but made no progress, as he just seemed to zone out.

“Hey dev!” The cheerful voice of Winn exclaimed as they walked over.

Dev startled out of his trance. “Huh-? Oh, hey guys.”

“What’s got you all in the dumps?” Jasmine asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

“Nothing. That’s the problem. There is literally nothing wrong.”

Peri spoke up from his position. “Usually I would help, but we’re in public so I can’t come out of disguise.”

At the comment, Hazel perked up, an idea striking her. “Well if you can’t, we’ll just have to do it in your place~” her voice gained a teasing edge, causing Dev to feel nervous. The other two didn’t realize at first, but with a glance from Hazel and a slight nod, they got the hint.

“Uhm- guys- what’re you doing?”

“Tickle attack!” Hazel shouted, pouncing on the ginger and starting to spider on his sides. Winn and Jasmine quickly moved over and held one of his hands each, pulling them above his head, and used their free hand to dig at his underarms.

“Guhuhuys, nohohoho!”

Jasmine just giggled. “Oh, shut up, you know you like it.”

Dev blushed furiously and was unable to cover his face due to his hands being pinned.

“Uhuh- nohoho ihi dohohont! Shuhut uhup!” He flusteredly tried to deny it, stuttering.

Winn smirked. “Don’t lie, Dev~ we all know you do!”

Dev just whined through his giggles, scrambling on the ground. He tried to pull his arms down out of reflex, but no matter how hard he tugged they didn’t budge.

“Ohoho myhyhy gohohod, stohohop tahahahalking!”

“No way! Teasing’s part of the fun~ and doesn’t it make the tickles so much better~” Hazel drawled.

While most of the kids either didn’t notice or didn’t care, continuing to play, a few gathered around to watch.

“Awwww he’s so cute!”

“I didn’t know Dev was ticklish!”

“This is the greatest thing ever!”

“Uhuhughuhuh nohohohoho! Stohohohop ihihit!”

“Not until you feel better!” Winn announced, smiling brightly.

“Peheheople ahahare wahahahatching!” Even though Dev admittedly enjoyed being tickled, he was severely embarrassed knowing they had an audience.

“Hey, there’s no need to be embarrassed! No one’s going to judge you!” Jasmine comforted gently. The audience spoke up in agreement.

“Yeah, I’m super ticklish too!”

“I feel like if anyone was gonna judge, it’d be you, Dev. Good to know that outta the question.”

“Yeah it’s super normal! Pretty much everyone’s at least a little ticklish!”

Hazel decided to be a little mean, smirking. “Oh, he’s not just embarrassed by the fact that he’s ticklish, he’s embarrassed because he likes it.”

“Hahahahahazel! shuhuhut uhuhup!” Dev panicked internally at the reveal. But he was once again comforted by the replies of the group that had gathered.

“That’s not embarrassing! That’s super cute!”

“If I’m being honest, I do too haha”

“Man I’m jealous! I can’t stand being tickled. It’s like my worst nightmare.”

It was nice to know that he wasn’t being judged, but dev was still flustered to all hell.

“Plehehease guhuhuys! Ihi feheheel behehetter, okahahahay?!”

“I’m not sure I believe you..” Winn said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, maybe we should do a biiiiig finish just to be sure!” Hazel chirped, before taking a deep breath.

“Whahahait hahahazel nohohoHOHO!” His protest ended in a squeal as Hazel blew on his tummy. At the same time, the two up by his arms dug in slightly harder, causing him to try and fold over himself, stuck still by the hold on his hands.

“Guhuhuys plehehehehease! Ihihi’m behehehetteher ihihi prohohomihihise!” They all finally released him, smiling at his flushed face.

Finally able to live freely, he covered his face. “You guys are mean.”

“You know you love us.” Hazel retorted, nudging him gently with her elbow.

His nerves still hyped up, he squeaked at the contact, pushing her away. “Noho!”

Hazel giggled. “Ohoops, sorry, didn’t mean to get ya there.”

Just then the kids were all called inside to continue class, and Dev was ready to take on the day, with a smile.

———THE END————————————————

[trolagygirl2022]

RUNEXT contestants check up (Non-Illit)

Jiwoo: 7 of Pentacles, Page of Cups, The Hierophant, Queen of Swords.

I see Jiwoo being savvy and calculated. She's planning about her artistic plans and career. She hasn't given up from what I got from the cards. Jiwoo seems to be someone that knows a lot about the business so she's playing her cards right. With the Hierophant I keep getting "traditional", so maybe she's gonna debut in the traditional way (like going through a company and all that) or meeting up with influential people.

Funa: 4 of Cups, 6 of Swords, Knight of Wands.

Funa seems to be going through bad times at the moment, she's feeling moody. Maybe her business thing she's doing isn't working out. Wouldn't be surprised if she was planning to travel/already is back in Japan (or traveling somewhere else).

Moa: The Devil, 2 of Wands rev, 5 of Swords rev, Page of Swords rev.

Something might bite her in the back, something she said or did. It may have come back to bite her (like if she said something in the heat of a moment and it's being used against her). I see her feeling stuck and unmotivated. Scammed even. She feels restricted and things aren't going her way.

Chanelle: 10 of Swords rev, Ace of Wands, King of Swords.

Chanelle seems to be picking herself up, recovering from trauma and issues, and most importantly turning into a new leaf. She's grown more and is maturing from what she was before. I see her being more stronger than ever.

Jeongeun:

The Empress, 2 of Swords, 7 of Pentacles rev.

Seems like Jeongeun seems to not making the best choices. She's stuck between two paths, wouldn't be surprised if it was related to the arts. She's worried if she has a stable fanbase.

Jihyun: 6 of Pentacles, Queen of Cups.

In a relationship? Well I see her feeling very safe and secured. She's fine, I don't see much happening with her.

Ruka: 4 of Swords rev, Ace of Wands, The Sun

She's longing to get active and busy, shes pretty very motivated and optimistic about what lies for her! Is probably spending her time with family.

Yewon: Queen of Cups, 6 of Pentacles (same cards as Jihyun huh).

I feel like she's still living with her parents, she's being supported and comfortable. In tune with emotions

Jeemin: Knight of Pentacles, The Tower.

Jeemin is working hard but fearing the worst thing could happen. She's overthinking a lot.

Hyewon: 5 of Cups, 4 of Pentacles.

Hyewon is going through sadness and heartbreak. Her energy is pretty closed up.

Youngseo: 4 of Pentacles, The Fool

Youngseo is enjoying her youth but keeping a low profile.

Yuisa: 7 of Pentacles, Ace of Wands.

She has lots of ideas but is wondering where she can channel them.

Haseul: The Fool, The World, 4 of Pentacles.

Haseul is pretty ambitious these days but is trying to be cautious

Iris: 10 of Swords rev, The Chariot, 3 of Cups

Similar to Chanelle, Iris is turning a new leaf and healing from past issues, she's surrounding herself with friends and is motivated to chase her dreams!

Himena: 5 of Pentacles, Knight of Pentacles.

Himena could be reckless with finances these days, she needs to be guided.

Seoyeon: 10 of Swords, Queen of Wands (her), King of Swords

She has a sharp tongue, she's just going through a phase. Maybe heartbreak that she's still feeling hurt and upset over?

Ena: Ace of Swords, Ace of Pentacles, 5 of Pentacles

Ena has lots of innovative ideas but they're all over the place, makes sense for her age. She just wants to have a lot of money lol.

[duskspring]

Snow Day - Aether/Sunshine

Domestic December - Day 15

Summary: Resident snow lover Aether shows resident snow hater Sunshine the joys of the season

Content (do let me know if I forgot anything!): Seasonal depression, fluff, Air (#1) is named Beta in this

Word count: ~2k

“What’s the weather like there?” Sunshine asked Cumulus over the phone, craning her neck up from where she laid on her bed to give the world outside her window a melancholy look as it slowly gained its snowy blanket.

“Way too hot. I thought I was gonna faint on stage!” The other ghoulette complained.

“How about we swap places, huh?” She asked, wholeheartedly wishing she could.

Cumulus giggled on the other end of the line, “Snow really isn’t that bad. It can be so fun! You just have to stay open minded.”

Sunshine blew a raspberry on her own tongue, refusing to even entertain the idea.

“Try not to let it get you down too much,” The air ghoulette’s voice was softer now, very caring, “Go see Aether, have fun together. We’ll be back before you know it.”

“Fine,” She whined, “but I expect the biggest, warmest hug of your life when you return.”

“That’s a deal.” Cumulus agreed, before being talked to from her end of the line, “I have to go now, sweety. We love you, we can’t wait to see you, try not to get too sad.”

“Well shit, why didn’t I just think of that? Just gotta not be sad.” Sunshine exclaimed sarcastically.

Cumulus sighed sympathetically, “I’ll speak to you soon.”

“Bye bye.” The multi ghoulette stared at her phone as the call ended, leaving her with the simple black mirror of the screen. She sighed herself, dropping her arm to stare at the ceiling.

She got momentarily distracted by it, not noticing the minutes slipping by. The change of the season hit her way harder than she’d expected. The cold air, grey sky and dark days left her exhausted and unmotivated. Snow wasn’t something she got excited about. It felt like an extra weight on top of her, trapping her further in the hopeless mindset she was so desperate to escape from. The fast majority of her pack being gone didn’t help either.

Unbeknownst to her, Cumulus had made another quick call, this time to the aforementioned quintessence ghoul. She wanted to make sure someone would look after Sunshine when she herself couldn’t.

A knock interrupted the spiralling in the multi ghoulette’s mind, “Hm?” She hummed, too zoned out to try finding proper words.

The door creaked open, “Hey, Sunny.” Aether’s voice sounded so cheerful. It reminded her of how she always sounded before it got so cold.

“What’s up?” Her words slurred lazily.

He stepped into her line of sight, bending over her so she’d have to put in effort to not see him. He clapped his hands together, “We’re going outside.” he smiled brightly.

Sunshine stared at him in silence for a few seconds, “No.” With that she turned onto her side.

“I know you don’t want to, but I promise it will be good for you. Just five minutes. For me?”

She scoffed, knowing he was probably right but really not feeling like it, “I don’t know what to wear.” She used as an excuse.

“I’ll help. You can just put some sweats and a jacket over your pyjamas. Stay comfortable and warm. That’s fine. I have gloves you can borrow.”

“Aether-” Before she could try to argue more, the quintessence ghoul had pulled her upright by her arms.

Once she was sat up he walked to her dresser and pulled out exactly what he’d described, “Well, get a move on.” He said, not impatiently, but certainly not leaving room for more stalling.

Sunshine let out a breath, realizing it would take less energy to just do as he said than continuing the fight.

She felt like a doll, movement impaired by the multiple thick layers of clothing meant to keep her comfortable. Aether’s gloves barely held onto her hands, being far bigger than her size. He held her hand, pulling her along as they waddled through the halls.

The closer they got to the main hall, the more joyous the sounds. Many siblings were enjoying their time outside, playing games with childlike joy. Some others were already rushing back inside, ready to warm up with a nice hot beverage or in the arms of another.

Aether let go of her hand as they reached the door, wanting to make her and her alone make the choice to step outside. Sunshine stayed frozen at the top of the stairs, surrounded by laughter and the freezing cold. She watched the condensation leave her mouth in whitish clouds.

“Almost there.” Aether teased, “Do be careful though, it could be slippery.” He walked back up a few steps, holding his arm out for her to hold onto.

She ignored the gesture, staring at the ground as she delicately took the first step. She was a bit caught off guard by the crushing of the snow underneath her foot. She had to admit she liked the sound and feel of it, even if her main focus was on the tense shaking of her muscles in the cold. She only brought her eyes back up when she reached the bottom of the steps.

“You did it.” Aether smiled genuinely.

She couldn’t help but smile back, internally celebrating this small yet momentous achievement, “Just five minutes, right?” Her teeth clattered.

“If that’s what you want.” He agreed, holding his arm out again. She took it this time, letting him lead her way past the abbey towards the gardens.

She had to admit there was a certain charm to all the bushes and, now barren, trees dressed in a cloak of snow. Turning her head to the other side, she spotted little icicles hanging from the bottom of an outside windowsill.

As pretty as they were, curiosity got the better of her. She let go of Aether’s arm to step off the path. He watched her walk over to the window and push a finger past all the icicles, causing them to break off and fall to the ground.

Without more than internal satisfaction she made her way back to his side. She didn’t notice how he smiled at her, glad that she at least did something outside without him telling her to.

“Have you ever made a snowman?” Aether asked, always enjoying doing so himself and secretly hoping Sunshine would do it with him.

She wordlessly shook her head. She never really got the appeal of putting so much effort into something that would inevitably melt anyway.

“Would you like to try?”

“...Could I watch you do it?” She asked after some deliberation. She wanted Aether to have his fun and wanted to see it happen, but the prospect of helping him seemed miserable to her.

“Of course!” He beamed, instantly crouching down to start on the big snowball that would be its body.

She watched him walk around the small field next to the path, not getting up from his crouched position. It looked quite silly, leaving her unable to prevent the smile spreading over her face.

She made her way to the nearest bench, pushing the snow off of it with her arm and pulling her legs up to her chest as she sat down. Her mouth rested against her knees, her breath warming up the bottom of her face.

Though it took some time for Aether to finish the base of the snowman’s body, it didn’t feel like long. Sunshine was glad to watch him do it, like she had stared at the ceiling before. Except this time she felt something. A warm sense of joy spread through her chest, making her momentarily forget about the cold.

“Alright, Sunny. I need your help!” He called her over.

Sunshine didn't even consider her earlier exhausted feeling or the cold. She instantly got up to go help her friend out.

“What’s up?” She asked in anticipation.

“This fella needs to be decorated and I want your input.”

She hummed, bringing her hand to her chin to physically exaggerate her thinking process, “Well, clearly this is a very dapper gentleman. He needs to have some fancy buttons, maybe even a hat.”

“I like the way your brain works.” He complimented, “Would you mind helping me find some stuff to make that with?”

The gears in Sunshine’s brain were immediately turning, a devious smirk appearing on her face, “I’ve got you. If you search right here, I’ll go look over there for any sticks.” She pointed to an area of the garden with more trees.

“Alright! Thank you.” He sounded overjoyed. It melted Sunshine’s frozen heart.

She scampered off as soon as Aether was distracted, making her way not to the part of the garden she said she’d go to, but instead back inside. She ripped off her jacket and gloves in a hurry, needing more mobility. She snuck her way upstairs, acting as casual as possible as she snuck her way into the papal wing of the abbey.

She made her way to her target. She loudly knocked on the door, stepping aside so the door would block her from sight once it opened.

“Si accomodi.” The voice rang out.

Sunshine knocked again, needing him to open the door himself.

“Enter!” He repeated, clearly annoyed.

One more time she banged on the wood. The sound of an office chair creaking over the floor aggressively made her stand at the ready.

“Terzo, I swear to satanas if that’s you-” Papa Emeritus II ripped the door open unassumingly.

Without room for second thoughts, Sunshine popped out from out of view, snatched the mitre off the antipope’s head and sprinted off again. She yelled back an apology, as he cussed her out in Italian, but made no move to run after her.

Still, Sunshine didn’t slow down for even a second, knowing another ghoul would probably be sent after her soon enough. The air rushed past her ears, heart thumping in her chest like crazy. Her adrenaline was high, it was exhilarating. Her mind felt freed for a moment. It was like she was herself again.

Aether smiled when he saw her, glad she didn’t just sneak inside, “There you are-” Aether froze when he saw what she held in her hands, and not because of the cold. He covered his eyes with a hand, “What did- why?”

“Because it’s funny,” She argued, “Now let’s hurry up.” She was shaking, unsure if it was the adrenaline or because she’d left her jacket and Aether’s gloves in the middle of the main hall.

The quintessence ghoul decided not to talk back to her, stepping aside for her to put the mitre on the snow man.

“You go actually get sticks,” Sunshine was still panting, “I’m gonna make him look more angry.” Her grin was wicked, spiteful towards Secondo for all the times he’d ever been rude to Copia.

She grabbed pebbles, dead flower buds and whatever else she could find in the snow to frankenstein together two angry looking eyebrows.

Aether came jogging back soon after, adding two thin arms to the snowman.

The two took a step back together, admiring the hideously beautiful creation they’d made together. Sunshine fished her phone out of her pocket, snapping a quick picture and sending it into their pack’s group chat.

Aether’s arm came around her shoulders once that was done, “I think you can be proud of yourself. You certainly did… a lot today.”

She turned her head to face him, leaving a quick peck on his cheek, “I’m glad you dragged me out. Thank you.”

“At least you are,” The two startled back as the voice of Beta, also known as Air, rang out behind them, “Papa is pissed. And since I refuse to be yelled at for something you did,” He humorlessly took back the mitre from the angry snowman, “you better go explain yourself.” And off he went again.

Sunshine and Aether stayed in shocked silence for a few seconds.

“Fuck.” She whispered.

“I really don’t know what you expected,” He commented, “Why didn’t you take it from Terzo? He would’ve probably laughed it off.”

“Yeah but he’s not as funny to mess with.” Another second of silence was interrupted by both of their laughter, “I’m telling you, it was worth it.”

[My Main Masterlist | Domestic December Masterlist]

[firsttarotreader]

heeey!! have u ever done a reading about how is pedro when he's anger and how he deals with it?

Hiya! I know I have done a couple readings about anger and violence but I am not so sure I have asked it this way, what he’s like when he’s angry and the way he deals with it. So, the first pull was Death, 3 of Swords and Page of Swords.

Death means he might be someone who wants to “end” the situation that’s causing him anger, even if he has to end it with the person (be it work or friends or relationships and flings) or cut them off. He feels this urge to do something that will change the situation. 3 of Swords points to him associating anger with pain and disappointment, with loss and sadness. This is a card of endings too, so anger towards anyone or anything will also be very painful for him in a way. Whatever is going on, it will have to become clear, there is no hiding. And Page of Swords shows him then going the rational route. He might end up trying to communicate and discuss the problems even if it doesn’t work and he fails.

The second pull was the 3 of Coins, Ace of Cups reversed and Page of Wands reversed. 3 of Coins represents the way he will want to involve the person (or people) in the situation. He could try to work with them and find a solution that can be good for both (or for all). Ace of Cups reversed, on the other hand, points to him becoming emotionally unstable and there could be arguments, since he could go quite emotional but not in a balanced way. Page of Wands reversed shows him getting stuck and unmotivated when angry. He loses the spark to do whatever he wanted to. He can’t move forward because he can’t concentrate and focus.

When I asked for one card to sum up the way he deals with being angry, it was The Empress. Now this card represents… expression. He will express his feelings in a passionate and assertive way.

Now as you can see, the man will not stay quiet and he will feel all the feels, even when he tries to be all rational. Now we can add this one to the #confirmed readings tag, because it matches something Pedro has said in an interview about not being passive-aggressive.

PS: see how he also says he is “quite controlling”. That dominant energy the cards show all the time, huh? 🤭

[rutht444]

first psychiatrist appt june 19 2024

Where do I even begin?

First of all it felt so OFF when i arrived inside the building. Always trust your gut and when I tell you everything was telling me it was wrong. First the receptionist was rude af didn't help me at all. People giving me weird looks. I think im so mad and sad that i was excited to see one and finally getting help, and my experience was bad. When i first met him he was nice but omg the lack of empathy, the lack of questions, making me feel stupid? He was like so what's going on do you have any trauma, like wtf. He didn't even ask me alot of questions about my ptsd, how my symptoms are like huh? Did not review what i was feeling at the moment. Just sat there and cried and pescribed me two medications. he asked me what happened and what did I take and did not seem to care if it was triggering?? That bothered me the most. I tried to be strong and not cry too much. Did not ask me if i was okay. I just felt rushed and I didn't like that. like why tf would u ask me what happened and relieved that moment and try to remember what happened. I think that threw me off. I just need to get this out of my mind. Like what if he triggered my ptsd and i wanted to kill myself. Luckily right now I dont feel like that at all. I just suffer from anxiety and depression. My symptoms for ptsd I think are acute. I'm just anxious most of the time and can't do simple tasks. I dissociate most of the time thats the main problem. Also I can never sleep i always sleep around 3am. But as of right now, I dont feel suicidal I haven't felt like that in a while. I just feel numb like idk what happened in the last 6 months I didnt realized I was so depressed. My problem is feeling unmotivated most of the time. I'm just so thankful for my sister to reach out when it was the perfect timing. Like even with the pharmacy was acting difficult. It was God and the universe protecting me. I am so grateful and thankful this happened. If i got my meds right away, i would of taken them. But so glad I didnt. My sister was there for me when I needed her. I could cry because all of this is overwhelming thats why I put it off for so many years. I can't believe I i was struggling since 2017. I can't believe I never took care of myself. Its just crazy how long I struggled for. 7 years of struggling with this. It's time to take action and help myself. My goal is to take care of my health spirtually,mentally and physically. I know it's going to take time but I recovered so much of my symptoms already. I recovered from having an eating disorder, I know i can concentrate more, I know my triggers, I'm so grateful God made sure I am alive today. Thankful fo my well being, my sister, my bella, my parents for not pressuring me to do something I dont want to do. i want to see what my life would look for a year from now. I am ready for change, I am ready for meds, I am ready to cure my anxiety and depression.

[noridoorman]

At first, I wasn't interested in the slightest because of the Pilot thumbnail. My thought process went "Oh, of course they display the robot that's meant to be sexy there. Let me guess; the entire story is just going to be a bunch of sexy girl drones and that one man drone that acts like all generic anime harem protagonists" I really didn't want to watch it based on that assumption cause I genuinely thought it was just going to be somebody's sexual fantasy disguised as a show.

However, after the second episode dropped, I got a bit intrigued because of the thumbnail there,which was a lot more spooky and had a different character (for the longest of time, I thought V was meant to be the protagonist and Uzi the antagonist). My dead by daylight hyperfixation was lessening more and more and I had nothing else to really look forward too/I was just so unmotivated and depressed and couldn't indulge in my hoobies, so I said "Why not?" and watched Murder Drones.

My opinion of the pilot were subverted a lot! I actually really liked it and definitely had tons of fun watching Uzi (she was my favourite). I didn't like V at the beginning, cause I thought her character was incredibly boring (and tbh, I thought she was even edgier and more cringe than Uzi with her "and yet, I still feel nothing!" spiel).

The scene that stuck out to me the most was Khan leaving Uzi behind. The way I gasped when he closed that door even though I should have known he wasn't going to pick up the gun! And Uzi's defeated expression added salt to that wound... It was such a sad scene to me. I had issues with my relationship with my father so I could definitely relate to Uzi's response to Khan leaving her like this.

The second episode became my favourite though! And that was mostly because of the Khan and Uzi scene where he hugs are after the incident. Like, that showed me how, despite his past actions and how much he hurt Uzi, he TRIES to make things right for her. I related that to my father too, who I had been trying to rebuild my connection with in the past.

After watching the episodes, I didn't immediately became a fan of murder drones. I just thought "huh, that's really cool!" and left it at that until I interacted more with the fandom and saw all the amazing things people created. I immediately became obsessed then.

Fun fact; Nori was my favourite character after Uzi!

‼️HEY EVERYONE‼️

I want to bring some light due to Murder Drones episode 7 being a little late than usual so I was thinking maybe we could all tell how we discovered Murder Drones and what made us drawn to it

Seeing peoples different stories on how and when they discovered a show about silly robots murdering each other is really heartwarming and honestly after everything, this fandom needs some positivity

For me it was in 2020? 2021? Eh whenever they announced it bc I grew up with smg4 but I didn’t really pay close mind to it because I was too hyperfixiated on Amphibia at the time 🦭

That’s when Amphibia ended and I scrolled through tiktok and got a Murder Drones edit on my fyp

I was already aware of the show’s existence so I made the dumbass decision of watching Murder Drones edits and obviously got spoiled like the silly goober I am (I was pretty into Nuzi when I watched this edit of them dancing in the trailer)

I decided to watch it because episode 2 just came out and I was HOOKED

Then it sparked me losing money to the bootleg merch from Aliexpress and spending thousands on the posters

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Ruki Ecstasy [Prologue]

ー The scene starts in the guest room of Richter’s manor

Shin: ーー Nn...Phew, nn...Haah...

...You’re as unmotivated as ever, huh? It’d be a pain to have you make a big fuss, but can’t you at least give me some kind of reaction? 

Yui: ...

( ...How long has it been since we came here? )

( ...I don’t want to think about anything. )

( Like who these fangs piercing my skin belong to, or whose hands are touching me. )

( ...Nothing... )

Shin: ...Che!

ー Shin pushes her away

*Thud*

Shin: Whatever. Let’s call it a day.

ー He leaves the room

Yui: ( ...I don’t regret my decision. I managed to save Ruki-kun and the others after all. )

( ...However... )

ー She closes her eyes

Yui: ( ...I miss him. )

( I miss you...Ruki-kun... )

ー The scene shifts to the living room of Richter’s manor

Shin: Che...That woman...

Mertz: Shin-sama.

Shin: ...What do you want? I’m in a bad mood right now.

Mertz: Please don’t be so cruel. This is my castle, remember?

Shin: Are you trying to imply that I should show gratitude towards you?

Mertz: Oh no, not at all!

However...Are you sure about your decision to keep this a secret from Carla-sama? 

Shin: I told you it’s fine. I don’t want Nii-san...to know.

Mertz: Do you want to keep that young lady and her Founders’ blood all to yourself, perhaps?

Shin: ...Mertz.

*Thud*

Mertz: ...Shin-sama...!

Shin: Aren’t you stepping out of line a little? Did you not hear me when I said I’m upset earlier?

I’m sure you’re well aware...but if you were to ever betray me, I will kill you mercilessly. 

*Rustle*

Mertz: Cough...Cough, cough...!

Shin: Hmph...It already feels like my nose is going to rot from the Vampire’s stench lingering in every room of this house.

Don’t upset me. Get out. You’re an eyesore. 

Mertz: M-My sincere...apologies...

ー Mertz leaves

Shin: ...The purification will soon be complete. It will not be long before her blood can be considered that of a Founder. 

...My apologies, Nii-san. But I will be the one to succeed the Founders’ lineage. 

ー The scene shifts to the bedroom at the Sakamaki castle

Kou: Ahーah...Geez, Ruki-kun. You haven’t eaten a single bite again.

Ruki: ...

Azusa: Ruki...We made this together. Please...Just take a few bites.

Ruki: ...Sorry. I have no appetite.

Yuma: ...Oi, Ruki. You don’t need to eat, but at least get some proper rest. 

Ruki: Yes, I know. 

However...I get awful nightmares whenever I close my eyes.

Even though...I hadn’t been having them at all as of late...

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Yuma: Haah...God, I can’t watch him like that any longer. 

Azusa: Ruki...He hasn’t asked about Eve at all ever since...

Kou: It’s probably because of what we told him on the day he regained consciousness. 

‘Eve is with her Adam. So don’t worry’. Just like that...

Ruki-kun always wanted those two to be united. So I’m sure he won’t say anything after being told that.

Yuma: I’m more than aware of the crime we committed. But we had no other choice, did we?

There’s just no way...We could tell him where she actually is right now. 

Azusa: But...I’m sure Ruki has realized. Even though he has...He won’t ask any questions.

Kou: ...It’s sad, but we have no other choice but to accept that this is fate. 

Yuma: ...

Azusa: ...I wonder...?

Yuma: Azusa?

Azusa: ...No, it’s nothing.

Kou: Anyway, for now, all we can do is watch over him. I’d love to be able to do something, of course...

But we don’t know what the right thing for them is. 

Azusa: ...

ー The scene shifts back to the guest room in Mertz’ manor

Shin: Nn...Phew, nn...!

Yui: ...

Shin: ...Fuck!

Cut it out already!

*Thud*

Shin: You are mine now. Right!?

Yui: ...

ー He steps back

Shin: ...Haahー ...If I were to latch onto you now, I might just kill you out of sheer rage. 

ー Shin leaves the room

Yui: ...

I...don’t belong to you.

...Ruki-kun...

*Knock knock*

Yui: ...?

*Knock knock*

???: ...Eve.

Yui: Eh...? W-Who’s there!?

Azusa: Eve...It’s me, Azusa...

Yui: ...Azusa-kun!?

ー She quickly lets him inside

Azusa: Eve...I’m so glad to see you.

Yui: Azusa-kun, why are you here...?

Azusa: We’ll talk later...We don’t have much time...

Hey, Eve...I have a request. Write a letter...to Ruki.

Yui: Eh...?

Azusa: If you write...everything you want to tell him, I’ll make sure the letter reaches him.

Yui: ...But why...?

Azusa: ...Just like Kou said, we don’t know what the right thing to do is.

Still, I don’t think anything good will come from leaving the person you love. 

You look so very sad...without Ruki by your side. And so does Ruki. Being away from you...He is suffering a lot. 

Ruki said that being with you is painful as well but...He seemed just as much in pain once you were gone.

If both are painful in their own regard...Then I’m sure that being together is the better option of the two. 

I...love both you and Ruki. So I want the two of you to be together.

Yui: Azusa-kun...

Azusa: I’m begging you, Eve. Write a letter. I can deliver your feelings to him...

Yui: ...

I wonder if I’ll be able to see Ruki-kun once more...if I write my feelings? 

Azusa: You will. I will...arrange that.

Monologue

Azusa-kun handed me pen and paper.

I had no idea what exactly I should write down,

on that single, small sheet of paper. 

There were so many things I wanted to say to him. 

Words of apology, regret, as well as my true feelings. 

However, my emotions were far too overwhelming,

they all mixed together inside my heart.

Therefore ーー I chose just one phrase. 

I felt like that single phrase,

was all I needed to convey everything I felt at present. 

ー Approaching footsteps can be heard

Azusa: ...That might be Shin-san. I’ll get going now, Eve. I’ll deliver this letter for sure, promised...

Don’t worry. I’m sure Ruki will come for you. So...Wait just a little longer, okay?

ー Azusa quickly runs away

Yui: ( ...Thank you, Azusa-kun. )

*Creaaak*

Shin: I came because I heard some noises...What are you doing by the open window?

Are you trying to escape? I didn’t think you still had the willpower left to do that.

Yui: ...I won’t run.

Shin: Hm? Then come here.

ー He pins her down

*Thud*

Shin: We’re continuing with your cleansing. Try and entertain me a little this time, okay...? Nn...!

ー Shin bites her again

Yui: Uu...!

( ...Can I still dream? )

( That maybe, just maybe...I’ll get to see Ruki-kun again... )

ー The scene shifts to the balcony at the Sakamaki castle

Ruki: ...

( ...This is for the best. )

( I’m sure these feelings inside of me will fade as we remain separated. )

( My wish to see her, as well as my desire to touch her. )

( ...As well as my love for her, all of it. )

...No matter how many times I look at this crane, it really is clumsily made. 

The kind Eve, who even showed compassion to a counterfeit Vampire such as myself...huh? 

( ...I recall she told me at some point. )

( No matter how much it hurts...If you are still alive, there might still be hope. )

...Hah.

( As long as we’re both alive...There is always a chance we might see each other again, huh? Ridiculous... )

( ...There is no hope. )

( Even if I were to meet her, Iーー )

???: ーー Ruki!

Ruki: ...Azusa. Kou and Yuma have been looking for you since this morning. Did you go somewhere? 

Azusa: ...Ruki, here.

Ruki: What’s that? ...A letter?

Azusa: For you...From Eve. 

Ruki: ...What?

Azusa: I went to see Eve. I met her...and had her write this letter. 

...Read it. It contains her feelings.

Ruki: ...

...Stop this.

Azusa: Ruki...?

Ruki: Why...Why would you bring me this!?

It’s over! It’s too late...So don’t do unnecessary things still...!

Azusa: This isn’t for you!

Ruki: ...!? 

Azusa: I didn’t do this for you. ...But for Eve.

So I won’t give up, until you read the letter. ...I don’t want Eve to experience any more sorrow. 

Ruki: ...

Azusa: Read it, Ruki. I’m sure you’ll regret...If you don’t.

Ruki: ...And then what? There is nothing I can do!

Azusa: You’ll find out how Eve feels. What you will do afterwards...is up to you. 

Ruki: ...

*Flip*

Ruki: ...!

Azusa: ...Eve looked sad. To be separated from you...To not be able to see you.

Hey, Ruki? You feel the same...don’t you...?

Ruki: Kuh...Uu...

...Yui...

ー Kou and Yuma walk up to them

Kou: Ruki-kun. Have you seen Azusa-kun perhaーー

Yuma: Azusa! Where the fuck have ya been!? We told ya not to wander ‘round, didn’t we!?

Kou: ...Ruki-kun? 

Yuma: ...Hold up. What’s goin’ on over here? 

Azusa: Eve entrusted me with a letter...This one.

Yuma: Hah? How...Azusa, don’t tell me ya...

Azusa: Sorry...But I didn’t do anything wrong...

Kou: ...Give me the letter.

Yuma: What did she write?

Kou: ... ‘I miss you’.

Azusa: Eve...misses Ruki. That’s all. Do you not miss her too, Ruki...?

Ruki: ...Yes...Exactly...I miss her too...

To be honest...I never wanted to let her go...

Yuma: Ruki...

Kou: ...Then go see her!

If you miss her, just rush to her side! Right now!

Ruki: ...!

Kou: We might not be able to become Adam. But who gives a damn about that!? 

Because I’m sure that you are the only person in this world she wants by her side. 

So...For her sake, just betray both us and Karlheinz-sama. Ruki!

Ruki: ...Kou, you...

Yuma: Exactly. Up till today...You’ve saved our asses many times.

But we can stand on our own legs now. We can even come to yer rescue if needed. 

So it’s ‘bout time ya start livin’ for yer own sake, Ruki.

Azusa: We’ll miss you when you’re gone...But seeing the two of you suffer, is even more sad...

Ruki: Yuma...Azusa...

...Hah...I take my eyes off you guys for a bit, and look at how much you’ve all grown. 

Kou: You just didn’t notice. We’ve been making proper process. 

Ruki: ...You’re right. It was me who was stuck in place this whole time. 

Yuma: So you’re goin’?

Ruki: Yes.

Ruki: I put up a pathetic display in front of you guys earlier...Don’t tell her, okay?

Azusa: Mm...It’ll be a secret between us brothers. 

Ruki: ...Kou, Yuma, Azusa.

I will go... and commit an unforgivable sin. 

By doing so, I will definitely anger him with my betrayal. 

When that happens, I’m sure you guys can also imagine...what his response will be? 

Kou: ...We do. We told you to betray him, well aware of the consequences. 

Ruki: Heh...Good.

I’m sorry for entrusting you guys with this tough duty but when that man orders you to ーー I expect you guys to listen and come kill me. 

Kou: ...

Yuma: ...We know, trust me. So stop talkin’ and go!

Ruki: I expect no less from the younger brothers I’m so proud of. 

...Thank you. 

Azusa: ...Have a safe trip, Ruki.

ー The scene shifts to the guest room in Mertz’ manor

Shin: ...Here, your food. Can you actually make an attempt to eat for once? You’re only making your filthy blood even more disgusting. 

Yui: ...I don’t want to eat...

Shin: Tsk...I said eat! Come on!

*Rustle*

Shin: How long are you going to play the role of the tragic heroine!? 

You said so with your very own mouth, didn’t you!? That you’d become mine!

*Thud*

*Cling*

Yui: ...Cough, cough...!

*Knock knock*

Mertz: Shin-sama, could we talk for a bit?

Shin: I’m busy right now! Ask me again later!

Mertz: However...I received a message from Carla-sama just now.

Shin: From Nii-san...!?

Mertz: I fear he might have caught onto something. ...What will you do?

Shin: ...

Che...I’m coming right now.

ー Shin leaves the room

Yui: ...

Monologue

This is it, I thought. 

I can no longer see the person I love. 

Every day, I am touched by someone I don’t have any feelings for.

The pain and suffering I had to endure day after day,

pushed my spirit to its very limits. 

If I have to continue living like this,

then it won’t be long until I lose my mind.

In which case, I must still be somewhat sane right now,

to be able to come to that realization. 

In which case...While I’m still not broken. 

While Ruki-kun,

has not yet faded from my memory...

Yui: ( I’m sure that Shin-kun assumes...that I simply don’t have the energy or motivation left to think of anything... )

( That’s why he’d carelessly leave this knife within my reach... )

...

...Ruki-kun.

*Rustle*

ー She closes her eyes

Yui: ( ...I’m sorry...But I don’t think I can bear with this any longer. )

I hope...we can meet again in Heaven...

???: ーー That’ll be impossible.

Yui: ...Eh...?

Ruki: Unlike you, I don’t think I’ll be granted access to Heaven. 

Yui: ...How...?

Ruki: I’ve come for you, Eve...No, Komori Yui, I’m here for you.

*Cling*

Ruki: ...I’m glad I made it in time. 

Yui: Ruki...kun...?

Ruki: Yes.

Yui: Ruki-kun...?

Ruki: Exactly.

Yui: ...Ruki-kun...!

Ruki: Don’t worry, I’m right here. I’m by your side...see? 

Yui: Ruki-kun, I missed you...

Ruki: Yes, me too. I missed you. I came here, out of that sentiment alone. 

...I don’t care how much it hurts. 

If this suffering allows me to hold you in my arms in exchange. Then I will accept all of the pain. 

Only when you are in my embrace, a feeling of bliss overpowers the pain. 

Yui: ...

Ruki: ...I knew you would cry.

Yui: I mean...

Ruki: It’s okay. Cry all you want. From here on out...I’ll always be here to wipe your tears. 

...Let’s run away. To a place where neither those Founders nor Adam...can ever take you away from me. 

Somewhere the two of us can spend our lives together. 

Will you come with me, Yui?

Yui: Yes...I will. I will follow you anywhere, as long as we get to be together...

Monologue

Ruki-kun told me that by doing so,

we’d commit a mortal sin. 

And that from here on out,

we would probably have to run,

from the whole wide world. 

However, there were no regrets.

Not for me, and I’m sure Ruki didn’t have any either.

No matter how hard,

the road ahead may be. 

If my only other option is to have to let go of his hand,

I do not care how badly I get hurt. 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

<- [ Maniac Epilogue ] [ Ecstasy 01 ] ->

[ssamie]

you’re all i need.

·˚ ༘⌗ reki kyan x gn!reader

·˚ ༘⌗ reki knew he was no prodigy like langa. he knew he didn't have anyone on his side, after all, they were right. he wasn't good enough nor did he stand in the same pedestal as his friends. but really, sometimes, all he needed was someone to believe in him, and someone to stay by his side.

·˚ ༘⌗ warnings: angst?, fluff, sad reki

gen masterlist.      sk8 masterlist.

reki sighed for the umpteenth time as he struggled to keep in his tears. he kicked some rocks with his feet as he walked, wanting nothing more than to be with you right now.

watching langa skate, hearing the praises from the other skaters of 'S' and their friends, and getting constantly overshadowed by langa was taking a toll on him, that's for sure.

lately, he's been craving nothing more than a few words of praise or reassurance. he's been feeling quite unmotivated lately, and has barely even been touching his skateboard.

he finally came to a halt as he arrived in front of his house. his phone was still as dry as it could be, no replies from you, not even a single call back.

"goddammit." he swore under his breath as he pocketed the phone with a frown. his lips were quivering, and the built-up stress, anger and disappointment was too overwhelming at the moment.

"im home.." he announced to no one in particular. it was late at night after all. his family was already sound asleep, leaving him alone once again.

"this seriously sucks.." he mumbled as he took off his shoes, and headband. he ruffled his hair as he entered the bathroom to wash his face.

"this sucks. this sucks. this sucks." he chanted under his breath.

tears were falling down his cheeks. all the effort he had put into holding them back ended up being futile. not that he was surprised.

"i hate this." reki sniffled as he wiped his cheeks free from the salty tears. he pulled out his phone with his shaky hands, tapping on your contact in hopes of hearing your lovely voice even for just a second. it had always succeeded in cheering him up.

"no answer.." he muttered dejectedly. he let out a pained laugh as he hung his head low.

"even y/n's tired of me huh.."

reki stared at himself in the mirror, the statement was left lingering in the air as he blinked upon painful realization.

"they're.. they're tired of me?" he muttered to himself, his eyes widening in fear. "no, no.. that can't be. right?"

he let out a nervous chuckle as he pulled his phone out once again, tapping on your contact in hopes of getting a response.

"y/n, please answer.. please answer.." reki whimpered as he bit his nails out of nervousness. it had always been a bad habit of his.

"shit!" he exclaimed as tears started brimming his eyes once again.

he ran to the front door, fully ready to run to your house just to receive some much needed reassurance. though the sight of your shoes neatly placed by the side made him freeze.

"they're here..?" he blinked in surprise. instantly he sprinted to his room, not even caring that he was being too loud and that he might wake his family with the thumping of his feet.

"y/n! i-" he abruptly stopped as his eyes landed on your figure, sleeping peacefully on his bed.

he quietly closed his bedroom door and stealthily tiptoed towards you. he kneeled by the side of his bed, resting his chin on the mattress as his eyes raked over your features.

he carefully brought his hand up to cup your cheeks, his thumb gently carressing your soft cheeks as a faint smile etched itself on his lips

"hmm, reki?" you mumbled. "did i wake you? im sorry.." reki whispered back

" 's fine." you replied. you sat up on his bed and rubbed your eyes tiredly "you're home a lot earlier than usual" you pointed out

reki nodded with a sigh "yeah.. i didnt feel like staying there any longer" he said. "why? did something happen?" you asked with a look of concern

reki didn't answer just yet, he simply studied your look of genuine concern and forced out his usual grin

"nah! i was just tired, you know?" he said with a chuckle as he sat beside you on the bed "i've been practicing some tricks so i wanted to rest a bit"

you simply nodded and sent him a closed eyed smile "oh, im glad. i thought something bad had happened to you" you said

"but if you're tired, you should go to sleep and rest" you said

reki's smile dropped as he nervously reached out to tangle his fingers with yours. "hey y/n, y-you're not gonna leave me, are you?" he asked with a whimper

your expression morphed into one of disbelief as you stared at your boyfriend with wide eyes. "what? reki, i would never do that! why would you even think about that?" you exclaimed with a frown

"it's just.. you're not gonna leave me for langa or anyone right?" he asked yet again

with furrowed brows, you cupped his cheeks in your hands and forced him to look you in the eye. "im not gonna leave you for langa or anyone else, reki. you're my boyfriend and i love you and only you." you said

"i don't know why you would assume things like these but please stop. you're only gonna hurt yourself if you don't"

reki sniffled and weakly nodded, his tears was flowing down once again, staining his cheeks and your palms with wetness.

"y-yeah.. sorry." he muttered

you frowned and pulled him into your chest, your arms were gently wrapped around him as you rub circles on his back with your hand, and use the other to gently comb through his hair.

"do you wanna talk about it?" you asked in a hushed tone. "no..not really.." reki replied as he wrapped his arms around your waist, trying to close the already nonexistent gap between the two of you.

you leaned against the bed frame, and helped him adjust in a more comfortable position, seeing as he refused to detach himself from you for even a second.

"hmm, i don't know what happened but.. i got some things that i hope could cheer you up." you said with a smile

reki looked up at you, his eyes glinting with curiosity as he reluctantly sat up and untangled his limbs from yours. "what is it?" he asked

you smiled excitedly and reached for your bag, pulling out a separate plastic bag, and presenting it to him. he looked at it in confusion and waited patiently for you to explain.

"i got you some wheels for your boards!" you exclaimed "there's a lot of them in here, so you could use them when you build your skateboards"

reki's eyes widen in surprise as you start rambling about the wheels. "there's lots of different designs and stuff to choose from. plus i even got you stickers for decoration and if you wanna customize your board!"

"i know you like building your own so i didnt buy you a deck." you said "i was hoping i could help you build your next one since i know it must take a lot of effort to make them.."

"i also cleared my schedule for this week so i can accompany you when you practice. its not much but— eh, reki?" you blink in surprise as you watch your boyfriend suddenly breakdown.

"reki, what's wrong? a-are you alright? did i say something wrong??" you asked in a frantic tone

reki shook his head as he let out a strained laugh. he wiped his tears and tackled you on the bed, encaging you in his arms as he smothers your face in kisses

"eh?? reki??" you called out in utter confusion "are you sure you're okay??"

"well, i am now!" reki exclaimed with his usual grin. a light pink blush covered his cheeks as he looked at you with lovestruck eyes.

"honestly.." you let out a sigh of relief as you playfully rolled your eyes at him. "you're so weird, reki" you said as he lightly punched him in the shoulder

"hehe, im just happy you're here." reki admitted with a chuckle "you really brought my spirits up, you know?"

"really? i just got you wheels and stickers though?" you blink cluelessly. reki smiled and placed a quick but loving kiss on your lips. "y/n you might not know it but.."

".. you're seriously all i need."

"you're so cheesy." you rolled your eyes, though a bright red hue had covered your cheeks out of flusteredness.

"onii-chan! y/n-san! keep it down, im sleeping right next to your room!" reki's sister whined out

"oops, sorry!"

[lazycheesecakeee]

Stray kids as love languages

Ok so I started thinking and that’s never good and somehow this got CHUNKY AF :))) But I hope you enjoy reading my messy thoughts about skz expressing love :)

Bang Chan

Giving: Gifts/Words of affirmation

Yeah SO… we all know how he always seems to always give the closest people to him, like everything, including the moon and a fucking rocket to the moon as well, and build it too, that before he gets anything at all? He is definitely a giver. He buys food, drinks, anything.

Anything you would accomplish, no matter how small would be an excuse for him to go out and buy you a meal and while you are there, if you only happen to glance at something twice, you already have it? Yeah you might feel bad and try to pay or say “stop giving me things all the time” but he would not stop and he would buy you the thing and shower you with praises for how well you did, even if you think it is not such a big deal.

You have a normal day when nothing happened? You go to the store together, he pays. He comes to visit you randomly. On the way he buys a flower and a random chocolate or a drink because he remembers somehow that you said you wanted to try it like 3 months ago. And the list never ends. He has a good sense for what people want too. So if you are close to him he gives you EVERYTHING. Showers of praises and all of his fucking money :)))) BOY HAS NO LIMITS.

Receiving: words of affirmation

Listennnn, as much as he gives and never stops, like NEVER. (Take his credit card away lmaoooo), when you acknowledge his little appreciations and thank him sweetly or give him a hug to let him know you are grateful, he gets immense satisfaction. I feel like he is the one to give but if he feels like he is used in the slightest he definetly cuts the rope short real FUCKING FAST.

I feel like he def is SUCH a sucker for appreciation and words of affirmation AND COMPLIMETS. He wants to feel needed and like his efforts are worth it. And giving him the verbal queue that his efforts don’t go unnoticed, that despite his busy schedule you appreciate the time with him, that his hard work and struggles to be the best are worth it, that the nights in the studio are fruitful and he is doing a good job, THAT would really make his entire day and his anxieties dissipate. Let him know he is wanted. Poor baby someone give him a sleep schedule too and some melatonin :)))))

Lee Know/Minho

Giving: Acts of service

He def strikes as one weird cranky, moody, annoying bitch with his behaviour but if you pay closer attention he is actually so observant and thoughtful/caring. He seems like you would not want to go to him for things but I actually think that if you take the time and grow close to him he is one of the most caring and protective people tbh.

Like it’s in his nature to pay attention to what close ones are doing, their schedules, interests and habits. He is the kind of person to never purposefully say or make a fuss out of doing something but somehow he knows you need something or you want something. And he buys the thing and puts it in the fridge. Or changes the sheets because he feels you are too sad and unmotivated and that would be good. Or buys something definitely because “he wanted it” but gets more, and a side of the thing you like a lot, because “it was there”, definitely not because he thought of you and that it would bring you joy. Or he would like pick a prescription for you or refill your water bottle before leaving or tell you to bring band-aids because you complained those shoes hurt you. Or tell me this boy would not chop the onions for the pasta sauce so you don’t ruin your mascara (I am not sobbing you are).  And he somehow fits himself in and things add up so well and your life is so much easier despite him claiming he „did nothing”.

Receiving: Words of affirmation

Although it doesn’t seem like it, something tells me it’s true. I read on an internet thing that people that seem cold and don’t want/seem to have the need for verbal affirmation and validation from strangers get actually more satisfaction from it than people who say it explicitly.

He also def strikes me like he was raised to be tough, to recover fast, to not be a cry baby and just get up and do the job, suck it up, be strong and independent. A little bit of trust issues into the mix as well ☹ You can actually kinda see a sort of anxious behaviour type of thing in him. So I feel like if you actually grow closer to him (ahem Jisung), acknowledging his efforts and how he makes your life easier, THAT would bring out the asshole being like “oh really? Hm interesting you think I do so much for you huh?” but he actually does thooo and you saying it would bring him like so much joy and make his heart happy.

Like each time you give him a compliment TM he would act like “yeah I know” or act disgusted but high key it soothes his spirit and ego when you say such things. He just loooves to hear how much you loved something he cooked or how attractive he was while dancing or how he was really thoughtful, and you appreciate it sm. He seems to have the nature to give, and he seems to expect to go unnoticed but when and if you do acknowledge his heart is actually swooning over it.

Changbin

Giving: Physical touch/Gifts

I think he would be the type to bring weird things to you for no reason along with 1000 kisses and a hug that is a bit too tight you know? Like his mind gets occupied with you if you are close.

And like he saw this weird card at the store or a little figurine or something which has a weird patters and he thought “Hm they must see this. They would like this strange ass thing I bought which was overpriced”. And when he gives you the thing you give like an odd smile and in your eyes is a „love you but wtf is this” and he would take your hands and look down and kiss them and say “I don’t know i thought you might like it?” And you would tease each other and he would start doing ayego and get really shy and just hug you again and place his head in your neck to avoid the eye contact, then lift you up and spin you and from there you have no chances of escaping the embrace TM.

Receiving: Physical touch

I feel like he would be a sucker for physical touch as your love language as well. If you reciprocate hugs, kisses and stuff. You know he seems like the kind to find comfort in holding you for no reason, like a hand on the knee or on your waist and if you two are comfy and give him little pets, stroke his hair, place your hand on his shoulder or biceps or take his hand with both yours or grab his middle randomly, he would swoon. Also you clinging to him and letting him cling to you I think is like thing he wishes for most tbh:) I feel like he feels safety and love by holding onto you and you onto him like he can protect you. He would like to know you trust him with that, ya know? Like he is a strong bitch ready to fight anyone coming at you and can protect you but is also your smol koala child which you can never escape.

Hyunjin

Giving: physical touch

Now this might seem weird to you BUT. He seems like he touches people out of nowhere sometimes and kinda clings. Not like all the time but enough. Like he likes being really close to you if he is close to you, you know?. He would be all up in your face with his weird ass mannerisms and humour but if they are reciprocated and he feels safe and good around you he naturally starts to cling if that makes sense? Like in a way a sort of telling others: “mine, you cannot have them before me” but also in the sense that you know he would do anything for you if you ask in those instances. Like YO, you have me, soul and body next to you, I am here :)))

Like he doesn’t seem like the type to buy things a lot (cheap ass I see you :)))) although he would sometimes) But he makes up by being there and encouraging you despite not knowing how to act or what to say all the time, he lets you know you can count on him and he is there. I feel like his touch expresses appreciation.

Receiving: words of affirmation/quality time

He strikes me as attention demanding lmao:)) OH I am yours pay attention to me I am your baby I require love and affection, undivided.

So if you make time to have lunch with him or have conversations before bed in peace (my dude seems like his thoughts overwhelm him all the time and honestly same :/ it’s kinda yikes tbh), or watch a movie/tv show, or just be in his presence when he is both excited or down, and listen to him rant and give him solutions or rant with him about random subjects and jumping around between them subjects, you would get all the uwus and he would probably be ready to dedicate his entire existence to your well being and desires.

He is just like that, a dramatic ass with overly changing emotions who wants a good connection, like a genuine one, where hours go by and someone truly understands him and things flow, ya know? (seems like the type to believe in fate type of love, which I find interesting)

Han Jisung

Giving: Physical touch/ Words of affirmation

He seems really touchyyyyy TM. But like in the way that shows physical affection because he seems a little insecure? That is kinda what he strikes me as. Like he wants to hold you. He wants to show you have him. He wants to be appreciated :( my child (and bias) help me I am sobbing:))) and he wants to make sure you know he appreciates you just as much.

Like he would hold your hand, hug you a lot or place random kisses and linger in those places? An he would compliment you and tell you your work is amazing and that he is proud and he would make lots of idiotic jokes to cheer you up, no matter the mood (we stan crackhead humour in this household) and he would tell you the most random shit he likes about you. Like “I like your socks” or “you changed your bag” or “the perfume is oddly floral just like your shirt and I like it”.

And he would make random short freestyle raps (kill me now I am in too deep) about you or a random thing you are doing. And he would just linger around you when you are busy and can’t give him attention. He wants to show trust and love through little gestures and trusts you to see them as a sign of his love because you make him happy and all.

Receiving: ALSO Physical touch/words of affirmation idk

I feel like he would like physical touch back? Like he would be fine if you didn’t like it, but like since he is like anxious and (to me) seems like a little overly aware of his “flaws and deficiencies”, he would like to know he has your “hold”. Like some sort of security type of thing.

Like small gestures, your hand on him, a little kiss, a hug, a squish :))), a little grip of reassurance and a nod of “you are doing good”. I think he would be a sucker for that. And also despite him lowkey rejecting your compliments like “yeah I know I am the best”, giving it to him would boost his self-esteem a lot, as I think he has many insecurities and quite a few complexes that are hard to express for him. So that, along with your touch and words to reassure him, he would love and get the idea that you want him close too, that he’s desired enough for you to seek his love, something like “you my dude are seen and loved for who you are”.

Felix

Giving: Giving gifts/Physical touch

He is defiantly a giver. He literally seems like he is so thoughtful and cares so much. Like we all know how his fellow members said he is great at gifts. Well duh. I feel like his gifts are not always big but like a small food or drink he brings because he knows you always love it, a flower he saw in the front of a flower shop he thought was pretty. Something you said you needed (or you didn’t say) but he knows you do need it because he just pays that much attention. A pendant necklace. A ring. A small ice-cream because the day is hot so why not. A donut that had flower sprinkles because you like to post aesthetic foods and so on. You name it. They would not be obnoxious, but it would sure show how much you are occupying his thoughts.

We also always know how he is attached to the hip to the people he is close to and he loves skinship. He said he loves back hugs, hugs, kisses he wants it all:)) So he gives plenty of cuddles for sure. You can never escape the octupus arms as you go to sleep each night, so might as well set up the air conditioning in your house as it’s about to get warm but affection and love above all, right? :)))))))

Receiving: Words of affirmation/Physical touch

I think he thrives if you return his little ministrations of affection. Does it matter? A hug, a kiss, holding him, a little massage, hand size comparison, throwing yourself on top of him on the couch or the bed at the end of the day. He LOVES it. You are also competing with Chan lol but no worries, he has plenty affections for all:))

Also I think he needs reassurance and a sense that people that are closest are proud of what he is doing(wipe your tears bitch). So I think acknowledging his hard work and the fact that he pulls through despite certain mental heath problems and telling him he does an amazing job and complementing his work would definitely mean a lot to him.

But give the boy your affection, A VerY tOucHy BoI. It makes his heart swell with joy knowing you pull him close and feel so much love for him that you don’t hold back from giving. Be an octopus with him tambien😊

Seungmin

Giving: Acts of service

Another one for acts of service. Our smol good boi which somehow does not seem smol at all because he exudes maturity and rationality lmao.

He would be such a servant if he loves you. AND YOU WOULD NOT EVEN NOTICE at first. Like I feel like he does stuff in a way similar to Minho where he makes sure your life is as easy as can be. Like puts your shoes out of the way, checks the weather so you don’t leave dressed inappropriately (forces you to take the puffier jacket despite it not going with your outfit, because “do you want to catch a cold, hm?”), gives you an umbrella. Fixes a random necklace which you broke by accident because he knows it will sit there for like 3 years if it’s in your care, and you like the necklace 😊. Makes sure you eat something healthy too(would definitely bring you washed and cut-up fruits after going out to eat at mcdonalds). And he for sure does not expect you to really notice, but if you do he is getting flustered and runs out the room with a big smile😊 what a baby tm.

Receiving: Acts pf service

I feel like he would appreciate most if you also took time out of your day to ease his life too. I feel like he would feel such relief and happiness and his heart would swell with affection and appreciation if you took on one of his (no matter how insignificant) tasks. Like he would be in a rush to leave and you woke up earlier before work to make him a coffee. Or when he comes home late you already put his clothes on the bed and prepared a bath. Or getting up and asking for extra napkins if he was not given any, or simply asking how can you make his day better. I feel like being helpful and listening and paying close attention to him would be what makes him happiest.

I.N./Jeongin:

Giving: Quality time/Gifts

He gets awkward when he tries to express feelings with words and is def not the most fond of skinship. However, I think if you were close he would be an amazing listener and sit with you and you could both share and grow together so much. He would give you the feeling he is ready to listen and be with you if you need him. 

That and also I feel like when you are out and about it makes him feel good to know he can buy you things you can enjoy, and you are appreciative of them and he has that power to brighten your day and be a mature adult by buying you things, despite not really needing them sometimes.

Receiving: Quality time/Words

You know how he struggled a bit with the dancing at first and you know how the other members say that he does nothing when someone criticizes him, he just goes out of his way to fix his “mistakes”? And also in Vlive when he said he doesn’t like to watch his own fancams because all he sees are his mistakes? My baby seems to have a bit (quite some) of an imposter syndrome and since he is young and everyone teases him, although with love, I feel like it gets a bit uncomfortable and tough. He seems he just wants to keep up, and be the best at what he does but it gets tough when you have to catch up with people who have been doing the thing for many more years than you and you are struggling with your feelings and figuring things out as you grow within a demanding contract. So I think someone to listen to his worries and give him undivided attention without judgement and put in their input without being intrusive would be the most amazing thing to him. That, along with compliments and acknowledgement of his efforts, telling him that he is doing GOOD and you are proud (although he might think that you are just saying it, since he seems to only see ways he needs to improve) would be good at raising his self esteem and encourage him to continue with his hard efforts.

[shoichee]

teiko manager anon back ~ my juicy part 2 will disappoint bc guess what: we're skipping two years into the future. akashi never found out what happened, and by third year the gom were the epitome of cruelty. so reader picks a fight with them after meiko game, only to collapse out of stress after. they graduate, she follows kuroko to seirin and they train to defeat gom. but why is she so insecure and easily sad when gom is mentioned? they get their answer when they catch her overworking

oh teiko anon, so so bold.... really out here stirring the pot of chaos with this part 2 huh KEK alright folks BUCKLE IN YOUR SEATBELTS IT”S TIME FOR PART 2 and part 1 is right here ! part 3 will be here ! update: part 4 is here !

Akashi x Reader

Part 2

[Teiko!manager Headcanons]

remember how I said in part 1 how Akashi would find out sooner or later? this would normally be the case, but in this exception…

you came back to school pretty quickly and restored, only to be in shock when Akashi himself confronts you about where you’ve been… like hello? YOUR CRUSH?? is? talking? to you? about your wellbeing?

here’s the thing, Akashi can easily detect lies through body language because he has an extraordinary sense of kinetic vision and critical thinking, but he’s still a human, not to mention… a middle schooler, and he’s not a true mind reader as some teammates would wholeheartedly believe

still, after some easy sleuthing he easily drew out confessions from some teammates who badmouthed you, although every single one were some type of half-truths and inconsistent testimonies that didn’t really make sense in painting a big picture

instead of incorrectly assuming things, he wanted to hear what’s been going on from your own mouth (keep in mind, this is still Oreshi, the guy who’s still cordial and wants to confirm this with you out of respect)

when he asks you some questions, he doesn’t detect any physical signs of lying from you, which only makes him believe that there wasn’t anything wrong to begin with other than you being under the weather and the other teammates saying utter nonsense either out of fear in his presence or using you as a scapegoat to cover up other delinquencies that he may have yet to discover

“(l/n)-san, I take it that you’ve been resting well? I heard from Kuroko that you were absent due to the seasonal flu.”

“Ah, y-yes! I’ve actually gotten plenty of rest and proper meals, so I’m back on my feet quicker than expected.”

“I actually also wanted to ask you something, if you don’t mind?”

“What is it?”

“Has anything odd happening to you lately? Anyone who has given you trouble or has been uncooperative with you as head manager as of late?”

at the question, you only frown in genuine confusion before you answer no; you genuinely believed that these teammates weren’t in the wrong for “speaking their mind” and if anything, you felt like you were the problem in not being capable enough in managing your own job and your health in the process (despite being knowledgeable in health yourself)

because Akashi saw that you weren’t lying, he dropped it completely out of respect and asked you that if there was anything troubling you that you could reach out to him

oh how he was so, so close to finding out the truth

this wouldn’t be brought up ever again because you and Akashi only continued to grow busier and busier with your own duties; eventually, your fears came true when the Generation of Miracles had in fact “left” you behind when their talents blossomed too fast and left unchecked

honestly, you developed a horrible habit of overworking despite Kuroko’s and Kise’s constant checks on you

what do you know? of course the coaches and faculty members would ignore your opposition against putting the GoMs in every game; after all some of them had been quite dismissive of you already

it’s kind of ironic because if Bokukashi was the one interrogating you back then, he would’ve either easily (correctly) assume based off of the teammates’ testimonies alone, or he’d be a lot more insistent in discerning the truth of the situation and nipping it right in the bud to stop the “nonsense”

but at the same time, Bokukashi has a lot more pressing priorities than a few poor-attitude teammates when he has the entire reputation of Tekio’s legacy on his shoulders; anything pertaining to you never crossed his mind ever since his domineering side emerged

you were really excited for Kuroko since he was gushing about playing against his old friend, since his friend couldn’t make it to finals the first time // needless to say, you were also Kuroko’s mental support when he felt really down at that time

after Kuroko sustained an injury in the game before Meiko, you immediately accompanied him to the infirmary

there, Kuroko requests you to go watch the game and you only reluctantly agree because you wanted to see the game just to relay back to Kuroko just in case if he couldn’t make it, and you were still a manager with a job to fulfill; you’d figure leaving Momoi to watch over was sufficient enough

when you walk out the door though… you bump into Akashi, which is the first time in a while where you two were face-to-face like this; your heart sank when you realize that you had to accept the fact that he’s changed and allowed the distance to grow between you two

but a small part of denial makes you quickly turn and flee out the hallway, but you really begin to evaluate your crush on him as you scurry away; Akashi just stares at you for a moment before he enters into the infirmary where Kuroko is

you’ve distanced yourself from other people (GoMs in particular) in basketball out of denial of the fact you were really left behind (plus, you already dread attending to their games because it’s always a cruel reminder that you’re not working hard enough to achieve results of the same level), which is why reality slapped you in the face after the aftermath of the Meiko game… when you witnessed the full extent of their cruelty on the court

you were really hurt—in fact, you looked more distraught than the Meiko teammates themselves

especially, since the fact that Kise himself, who you thought of him as someone you can trust in, partook in this as well (this is actually your first time in seeing his cruel side in action, since he’s always been very sweet and helpful to you because he respects you)

you first confronted Kise when he was alone for a bit, sounding absolutely heartbroken and on the verge of tears; you shocked him out of his cold side and he immediately becomes a mother hen and asking if you needed water or a seat to calm down before you overexert yourself

after telling him your feelings about the game and your growing distance in the friendship, he sincerely apologizes for making you feel in such an awful way and tells you to let him know next time before a game, so that he wouldn’t suggest this type of entertainment for the game again.

you were in complete disbelief… the fact that your best friend suggested this himself? You dumbly asked for his reason, and he only says that you wouldn’t understand it because no one ever gives the GoM a proper challenge

even though he didn’t intend anything bad when he said this, it just made you feel worse, but you still accepted the apology to get it over with

the other GoMs come and you immediately become angry again and tension just skyrockets; Midorima simply looks away and says nothing, and Murasakibara and Aomine do most of the talking back/arguing… and Akashi only impassively stares at you

later, when Kuroko himself confronts them while everyone was walking in the hallway, you completely lagged behind on the group, tearfully staring at the backs of the GoMs and how you felt really alienated and unmotivated to continue being a manager for a team you don’t even recognize anymore

you grew dizzy again, and you knew your body was dealing with too much at once but you willed your body to at least last the trip

at least you gave a warning when you assumed that you were away from the GoMs at Teiko before you went unconscious; Kise happens to catch you before he brings you to the school infirmary

he does stay with you the entire time, knowing the reason for your collapse was all the extreme emotional and mental toll accumulated in such a short time; he feels absolutely guilty, and when you were about to stir awake, he simply leaves a lighthearted note and a cutely shaped bread before he leaves, knowing that you’d be stressed again if you saw him (around this time is when Kuroko confronts Akashi to quit the team, which is why he was nowhere near you at the time of your collapse/rest)

you felt better that at least Kise still sees you as a close friend when you see what he left behind

you still feel awful, to say the least

it felt wrong of you to quit mid-season, since you felt that you were simply giving up and further perpetuating the fact that you weren’t doing the most that you could

but you didn’t feel like staying for the rest of the season, so you decided to overwork yourself again to get the rest of the paperwork and training plans out of the way for the remainder of the games; you even left detailed instructions to Momoi in how to relieve certain pressure points and muscles for instant relief in case someone hurts themselves

a little timeskip where you decided to tag along Kuroko in attending Seirin High, but you were more reluctant in joining basketball again because you didn’t want to re-experience the stress and burdens in Teiko

well, until you made friends with Riko, and her story in how she was skeptical about basketball at first too inspires you to give it a try again

Kuroko feels really happy that you’re at ease again for the first time, but he definitely notices how you grow gloomy when the Seirin teammates praise the GoMs

you slowly relapse into the habit of overworking to “compensate” for your lack of contributions to Seirin’s team, but this time, every member DROPKICKS you to stop working and relax sometimes (Riko and Hyuuga are the main culprits)

even though you never tell them the reason for your poor habits, the Seirin team members just SENSE and KNOW what to say to make you feel like you’re doing more than enough to support the team in their own unique ways (Mitobe giving really cute shoulder pats and thumbs-ups… Koganei giving you slaps on the back and high-fives… Riko bluntly telling you to relax and giving you encouraging winks… Hyuuga being a roundabout in his praises… Teppei openly praising you… and Kagami telling you that you were doing too much LOL)

Kuroko gives you the SOFTEST SMILES (everyone freaks out every time he does that, it’s hilarious)

however, wounds slowly reopen more once again every time Seirin goes against schools that the respective GoM plays for

after every win Seirin achieves against the GoM’s respective school, each GoM would eventually learn a little tidbits here and there about your tendency to overwork and collapse and possible speculations of why, but you never confirm anything with them

even though you easily forgive Kise after the Seirin vs. Kaijo match (seeing how he interacted with Kagami and Kuroko in the park), for the others… you weren’t so ready to confront…

… particularly with Akashi

[oraganji]

IF ANYONE WANTS WRITING INSPO

ok here’s the thing. I’m way too lazy and unmotivated to write a whole series, I am in awe of anyone who can actually do that or has done it. But in the spirit of ✨ hypocrisy✨ , of course I love reading them, and thinking about ideas for some series that will never actually come to fruition. So, for all the ACOTAR writers out there, I have a way-too-long idea for an Azriel x reader that I want to read as a series, or even like a couple of snippets of writing. Here it is:

Ok, so our (preferably female bc it’s my request but I’m not trying to disclude people here it’s just my preference) MC (I like the name Kora/Cora, or Arya, whatever, but y’know, since I’m not writing this, it’s not exactly my decision to make, it could just be Y/N, that’s fine too). Anyways, she’s half-seraphim, from Cretea, and is the commander of the seraphim/Cretea army. Now, here’s where the pick your story begins. I was thinking that she could be Drakon’s sister or something, to make her a princess, even though she only acts like a commander (I love nicknames that have a meaning. So like if Azriel calls the reader angel, it’s because of her white seraphim wings, and if he calls her princess, it’s because she actually is one). So she can either be his sister, or just the commander. She was old enough to have fought in that big war that happened with Miryam and stuff about the humans or whatever. IMPORTANT PART OF THIS: MC has water and ice powers, but to a massive scale. Like she can raise ocean tides, create snow/hailstorms, all that good stuff. I was thinking she could be called a Tidemaker, like in the Grishaverse, but you could totally change around the name. That’s the base of her character. Other than what I described, free reign to whoever is crazy enough to read/write this.

So now, I think of this as a slight (major) rewrite. This takes place right after Feyre makes it back home from enemy Tamlin. So, Hybern’s armies attack Createa for some UnKnOwN reason. Maybe MC’s dad/parental figure dies in the battle, and MC is filled with grief and rage. MC fights against them until she’s bloody and battered, using the ocean and sky as her weapons. Cretea is utterly destroyed, and she tries flying to a safe place. She had met Rhysand, Cassian, and our boy Azriel before during that Great War, because she was a commander, and the Night Court was allied with Cretea at the time. She remembers this, and tries to fly all the way to Velaris. She just makes it before collapsing/passing out, and Azriel’s shadows bring him to her.

Now, our boy is shocked because he actually used to have a little crush on MC the war so many decades ago. He sees her about to die and starts to ✨ panic✨ , obviously. So, I’m thinking he tells his shadows to find Madja, and busts into the House of Wind or something, and like alerts everyone by just saying “it’s Kora/Arya/MC”. So blah blah blah, cute Azriel taking care of MC moments, she tells them what she remembers about being attacked, etc. ALSO, i think it would be SO GREAT if Cassian and Rhysand called her Goose, instead of dove, or one of those other cheesy nicknames. Geese still have white wings, so it kinda fits. I just think it would be kinda funny if the first time they were meeting to discuss war strategy, MC showed off all of her powers, and established herself as a powerful, bad b****h, and these idiots call her a goose. AnYwAyS, time skip to the meeting with the high lords cause I don’t think things through. MC comes in later than our night court buddies because she “likes to make an entrance”, and walks in there with like a crown of gold laurels (i like that as a crown idea), and like a sage green dress or something (GREEN AND GOLD IS SO PRETTY), and is all like “hello ladies! and boys. What did I miss?” after not being there for like 200 years. Everyone is shocked, and she has a little spat with Beron, where she’s like “You’re just itching to play, huh Beron? Well, I’ll warn you, fire doesn’t tend to thrive with someone like me *smirk*.” I’M DYING. And meanwhile Azriel’s *mini* crush is slowly developing even more. So after that idc what happens, BUT. I think it would be great if Cassian made MC a general or something to help him out in the war with Hybern. Then, when she goes to leave after the war, to rebuild Cretea, and Rhys and Cass ask her to stay, she give a condition, which is that she wants to train the Illyrian girls. And she would leave after she feels like that initiative is set in place. So once she sees that females are being trained, she leaves. Later, Cass invites her for winter solstice very last minute, so she comes with one gift, for our special somene, AZZY BOY!. And it’s a moonflower in an ice sphere, cause headcannon: Azriel likes moonflowers, and so does MC. One day they were walking together or flying together, and she saw some, and pointed them out. Then Azriel plucked one and TUCKED IT IN HER HAIR OMG GET ME SOMEONE LIKE AZRIEL. And he’s like amazed that she remembered and saved the flower. Crush level rising. But at the same time, Elain seems interested in him, which MC can see, and thinks that Az likes Elain, so she goes back to Cretea cause she a little bit jelly.

I’m not a romance writer, so I was just thinking that once Cretea is close to rebuilt, MC invites everyone to come visit, and is taking a stroll with Azriel. She sees moonflowers again, and this time she plucks one and puts it in his hair, and goes “Damn. I bet I didn’t look this good when that thing was in my hair.” And then Azriel mutters under his breath, “you did. you looked ethereal. like an angel.” but MC kinda hears a little bit of it, so she gives Azriel a little kiss on his jaw, cause she can’t reach his cheek (THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE I’M SCREAMING) and says “I heard that Az. I think you look ethereal too.” He’s one blushy boy after this. omg why am I like this. But, plot twist, Elain saw this whole interaction go down and gets PISSED. Meanwhile, MC drags Azriel around, while he trails behind her like an awestruck puppy. She finds a starfruit tree (which I’m making native to Cretea, like it’s a rare thing elsewhere) and gets some seeds from them from Elain, saying that it would be good for her garden. And Azriel just thinks about how thoughtful she is, even to people she doesn’t necessarily like. They get back, and Elain is complaining about how Azriel chose MC over her to Nesta , who I think would be besties with MC. MC walks into the room and hears. Elain realizes this and tries to insult/yell at MC. But MC just had a sad smile and goes, “I brought you some starfruit seeds, Elain. They’re only native to Cretea, and I thought it might be good for your garden. Good night Elain.” OK so this is why I think it would be good if MC was Drakon’s sister and a princess. She knows she’s a princess, but she really only considers herself to be a commander. She’s debating going back to Cretea, or staying, and she tells Azriel that she’s prob gonna leave soon. And our bat boy is all ✨ panik✨  when he hears this. He says “But I wa - everyone wants you to stay”. MC smirks and goes “what were going to say Az. They’re like really close together now, so Az leans down and gives her a gentle kiss and goes, “I want you stay”. MC is stunned for a moment, and looking dazed, goes “well then I guess I’m staying.”AHHHHHHHHH. She can prob be a general under Cass.

OK SO I DO HAVE AN IDEA FOR MORE WITH OUR ANGEL AND DEVIL. Where they discover the mating bond, there’s a big threat on Cretea, MC is a bad b***h as always, and protective Azriel makes several appearences.

Y’all can make up some situations after this as well, or if you want, which I don’t know why you would, my disorganized mess of a brain can write more about the thing above.

OMG THIS WAS WAY TOO LONG. Plz tell me if u guys liked this, or are actually gonna write this crap. And let me know is you have questions! Have a nice day lovelies!

[airi-p4]

Face up (songfic) - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Epilogue

Remember my illustrated fic + comic ‘The listening’? I started writing this other songfic around that time, since the song is by the same author. This is everything I could finish for Wipril... *sigh*

Inspired by the song ‘Face up’ by Lights. (Lyrics in bold)

Summary:  Marientte is tired. Busy with work, unmotivated and uninspired; her life has become monotonous and lifeless. Regretful for neglecting her friendship with Alya, she finally accepts her invitation to go out one Friday evening to a pirate themed bar called 'Liberty', in which according to Nino, an 'incredible amazing guitarist' was going to play...

AO3

______________________________________________

Chapter 1

' I shouldn't have come '

A mountain of files and clothes are piled on Marinette's desk. Work, work, work and more work. It had been a while now since Marinette's life has been revolving only around her jobs and studies. Days. Weeks. Months. She felt like a robot programmed just for that sole purpose.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was tired. 

And so was also her best friend Alya, fed up of being turned down whenever she asked her to go out somewhere together.

But not that evening: Alya and Nino decided to drag Marinette out of her lonely apartment, to let her enjoy a proper and well deserved break after days without seeing the daylight. 'How can a 21 year old Lady not go out and have fun!? ' Alya had asked her. And she had been forced to accept, out of the regret of constantly failing and neglecting their friendship.

The chosen place for their friendly meeting was a musical bar on a ship called 'Liberty'. Small round tables and some stools were ready to be used for its consumers, 2-4 seats for table. Some wooden benches with comfortable looking cushions at the sides of the bar and some stand-by tables outside were also part of the ship's furniture. Both outside and interior design seemed to be trying to imitate a pirate ship with dark wooden flooring, walls, stage and counter. Some vintage rock music related posters were on the wall, next to treasure maps and, surprisingly, they still managed to keep the pirate theme on point. The counter was just at the entrance and the lights were focused mostly to the stage at the back of the bar, making the lighting quite low for the guests- 'too dark to draw' , Marinette confirmed.

According to Nino, the best thing about this bar was that, on Friday nights, it held multiple artists performances from 8pm to 12pm, an hour each. And according to him, some awesome guitarist was playing at 11pm. His eyes were showing his contagious enthusiasm and Alya soon got excited too.

But Marinette's mind was not focused on the bar or the music. It was 10:25pm, and Alya had dragged Marinette there early- at 8:40- so they could get a table- the limited seat capacity and amount of customers surely proved it was necessary, but she couldn't focus on her surroundings as in her head thousands of work-related thoughts occupied her mind.

To draw, sew, bake, study and to sleep in order to work more, all in an endless loop. That had been Marinette's routine for weeks, and she had no intentions of stopping until she finished all her constantly coming errands- but they were endless. She felt like a robot programmed only to work and she almost forgot what free time was.

'I want to go home', the aspiring fashion designer kept repeating to herself.

 But the guests of the bar seemed to favor her best friend's ideas: enjoying the music. Marinette's eyes took a minute to observe her surroundings, noticing how crowded the bar was getting as 11pm approached. At her side, Marinette could see how excited Alya and the recently arrived Nino were, clapping and dancing next to her.

 But Marinette was not feeling it. Not at all. 

 A big sigh left her mouth as she used the table as she played unamused with the melting ice cubes from her drink, trying to ignore the strident rock background music. She was exhausted and not in the mood for 'fun'. She was tired and her eyelids were slowly closing, but just when her mind started to find its way to dreamland, Alya called for her attention.

 "Look, Marinette! The guests in the second row middle table are about to leave! It's our chance to get a closer seat to the stage!"

 "Ugh…"

 The stage was just a few steps away, but it seemed like kilometers to the young woman. 

 "C'mon, Marinette! Nino secured the seats! Grab your drink and stuff and let's go over here!"

 Exhaustion and somnolence confused Marinette's senses while Alya jolted and called her. 

 "C'mooon… Nino can't keep looking for our seats forever! Not when there are so many people eyeing up those stools!"

 Marinette knew Alya was correct. And not only that: she was pretty impatient and intense, too, so she was well aware that refusing her was almost impossible.

 Finally, she made it to the closer to the stage table and had a slurp of her drink. 'Maybe Alya is right and I can try to enjoy the live performances?' . 

 She tried, yes. But nothing. She wasn't feeling the music.

'When will I be able to have fun too? When will I be able to have a rest and forget about work? When will I be able to enjoy life? When will I be able to LIVE my life…? '

 I just want to feel alive

She was stressed. No inspiration seemed to strike her lately, and she had been too busy to go look for it. And honestly, she didn't expect to find some in this old-fashioned dark pirate themed bar. With those thoughts, Marinette rested her head on her hands wishing for the time to go faster so she could already go back home. 

The bar became more than full when the clock pointed to 11pm. 

Marinette frowned her eyebrows. "Can I go home now that the performance is over?" She asked. 

Alya directed her a deathly glare and Nino gasped in shock. "No way, dudette! You can't be serious!" The boy then pointed to their surroundings. "See? All these people gathered here to see the musician I told you about! His talent is no joke, just look at that!" An excited Nino commented, showing her how people were even waiting outside of the bar and even outside the ship in order to listen to his music, as she could see through the round fisheye windows. Was it even allowed to have so many guests on the ship? Wasn't it overcrowded? Or going to sink? Marinette worried. 'Why should I worry when I'm already sinking myself, huh? '

"I'm getting all excited already!! Look at that, Marinette" Alya commented. But Marinette was not answering. She was playing with a straw in between her teeth, instead. "Marinette!!" Her friend insisted, but emerging turbulent bubbles on her drink was her only response.

"Oh, look! He's here!" Nino suddenly exclaimed, and both her friends seemed to forget about her to focus on the stage. 'Maybe it's my chance to leave when they aren't looking' , she thought, but she had to wait until Alya's arm stopped being linked with hers to make her move. She hoped for that moment to be soon.

"Wohooo" the crowd became loud immediately after Nino's said guitarist appeared on the stage from the back door. 

 Marinette didn't even look. She wasn't interested. She just wanted to get home, finish her work, sleep, and get some well deserved hot bath to relax.

"Good evening. My name is Luka. Wow, so crowded today! I can see some new faces... Hi there. Thank you all for coming"

'His voice sounds nice' Marinette thought, taking a quick look at him for the first time: blue hair, tattoos, piercings and an electric guitar on his hands. There was a stool ready for him, but he was not using it. His aura definitely stood out and he was glowing in the stage lights.

Before starting, he played a few random notes, to check the guitar and the volume. The crowd was excited just with that. Not interested in the music, Marinette let her mind travel to her work space again, taking mental notes on how to proceed with her commissions when she made it home.

"Today's first song is an oldie: 'Space show' by CrocoDuo" 

It took only an instant for the aura of the bar to change completely. The audience was losing it at the combined sound of his voice and guitar. Some young women were fangirling and squealing. Nino's eyes were sparkling and Alya's body moved, dancing along with the music. 

'He's good' Marinette thought, trying to stop her fingers from tapping on her chin at the music's rhythm. As the song was close to its end, during its instrumental part, the blue haired young man took a big look at the audience, grinning at the excited crowd. Marinette closed her eyes and tried to focus again on her mental work, frowning her nose and eyebrows hard, trying hard to concentrate on finding whatever inspiration she could in the music. But she didn't seem to get it right.

As the last notes of the song elongated, the musician spoke again. 

"Oooh? What do we have here…? Don't you know the rules, lady? No sad faces allowed on this ship!"

Marinette was unaware the guitarist was talking to her until Alya bumped her elbow to her ribs to catch her attention and pointed to the stage. 

"What?"

She was surprised to find the guitarist staring at her eyes. ' He's handsome ' her inner self told her when their eyes locked and she was feeling called by its blueness. Her smile remained unseen, confused and unsure if it was really her the one he was talking to, but her heart skipped at the eye contact.

"Yes, there, the lady on the second row, you… you seem to be feeling like this" he said, and then played some chords that seemed to describe the feelings of her repetitive, uninspired and unmotivated life perfectly. 

She felt like her secret had just been exposed to all the customers of the bar. Embarrassment was too much to handle, and she kept her head low. As the famous song says: 'Killing me softly with his song'.

"A beautiful lady like you deserves to feel something like this" he said, and the music this time brought her back to her cheerful and happy childhood memories, something she hadn't felt for years. ' Wow. How can he do it? ' 

"Let me try to cheer you up". He placed his electric guitar aside and grabbed his acoustic instead. After adjusting it, he sat on the stool and brought the microphone to his mouth. Then, a totally different melancholic sound started filling the bar as he tested the strings. The audience seemed pleased and curious. "That's rare for him" Nino whispered, making Marinette's eyes open even bigger.

Suddenly, accurately and quickly, his eyes darted to meet directly at Marinette's eyes, with a soft but determined gaze that conflicted Marinette's unprepared heart. 

The times you don't wanna wake up

'Cause in your sleep it's never over when you give up

 'Wow… I surely look depressed, don't I?' Marinette thought, surprised of how the lyrics fit with her daily thoughts.

 The sun is always gonna rise up

You need to get up, gotta keep your head up

 Look at the people all around you

The way you feel is something everybody goes through

 Marinette then looked at Alya and Nino, who were nodding with a sympathetic smile at her. The rest of the people at the bar seemed to agree with the lyrics too, nostalgic smiles on their peaceful faces. ' Is it ok to feel like this? Am I really not alone? ' The song continued.

 Dark out, but you still gotta light up

You need to wake up, gotta keep your face up

 The lyrics were surely… encouraging. Marinette could feel her heart become lighter and more confident, relaxed too. She then focused again on the guitarist, who had a kind expression on his face that almost made her fall for him. Almost ? 

"C'mon, everybody, help me cheer this pretty lady up!" he said, his smile softly widening as he repeated the lyrics of the song. Soon, the audience joined to sing with him and Marinette felt embarrassed but touched at the kindness of all those strangers towards her. Alya put a supportive hand on her shoulder too, encouraging her to join the chorus.

 And finally her face lit up and she started singing a little after remembering the lyrics. Her face was not looking down anymore and an honest shy smile was finally on her face. 

Alya looked relieved, while Nino had an: ' I told you he was good ' smirk on his face. Meanwhile, the guitarist never stopped smiling at her. 

Luka's gaze was dangerous for Marinette's heart, as a pleasant warmth began to occupy it. A feeling she hadn't felt for a long time was now threatening to stay, sinking deeper inside her heart with every syllable he sang. 

"See? That's much better. You have a beautiful smile. Don't hide it!" Marinette blushed at his compliment and she couldn't stop smiling like a lovestruck fool.

 After winking at her, Luka continued with his performance. "Ready to enjoy some rock and roll now? Next is 'Rock Giant' by Jagged Stone" 

Marinette's favorite song. Did he know that too? ' Wow! It sounds even better than the original' . As soon as he started to play and sing Jagged's most iconic melody, Marinette was finally loosened up to enjoy the music. It was the fastest an hour that had passed for her while having fun. Wow . And she was grinning at the excitement, while trying not to freak out at the short glances and smiles the musician directed to her from time to time, or the long stares she pretended to not notice. She could notice her heart beating again after what it seemed like an eternity. 

She felt alive. More than she had felt in months, maybe years.

But the performance had a set time to end... 

"Thank you for coming. That's all for today. You're the best!" he grinned, while wiping some of the sweat drops that ran down his face. It was obvious he gave it his best and the audience was all in for it. Marinette had never seen anyone able to enthrall the public like this before. He was… absolutely amazing in the crowd's eyes, Marinette's included.

"Noooo!! Encore encore encore!" the bar customers started begging in loud voices, and Luka couldn't keep his gratitude to himself, as his fond smile showed. He looked at his surroundings, slowly, memorizing every face, as if thanking each of them individually. Until his kind yet powerful gaze stopped to focus directly on Marinette's pupils and his smile widened.

 "You want an encore, guys? What does the lady on the second row say?" he teased with a smirk that made Marinette's knees weak. She could feel her face flushing red as the people of the bar's eyes focused on her.

 "E- Encore!" She shouted in a voice she wasn't aware she owned.

"So you want an encore, right? Very well. Here's the last song for today: ' Liberty ' by Luka".

 The energetic and happy cheering for the encore audience lasted only until Luka's guitar strings started to vibrate to form a melody.

 "No way, dude!! A Luka inédite original song! Alya, we have to record this!" Nino fuzzed, pulling his phone out from his pocket. "Awesome!"

The song was amazing and had the audience lose it. 'Wow' . Marinette was speechless and she could feel the adrenaline flow through her body like it hadn't for years. Unable to tear her focus from the musician, the young woman could feel her heart beating faster- too fast.  

When the song finished Marinette noticed how half the audience was crying in excitement and how the fangirling women from before were close to passing out. It was a very good song with good lyrics about looking for your inner freedom- totally fitting for Marinette. And his final greetings started.

"Thank you. Did you have fun?" 

"Yeah!!! Wohoo!!!"

 "Great, I'm glad. Thank you so much!" he giggled. "Thanks to you, it seems I have a new song to write" Luka said, with his sharp eyes and slightly curved smile hinting those words were meant for a certain lady seated on the second row. "And remember: the Liberty is a place where you can be free, honest to yourself. Feel free to come here anytime. Everyone is welcome here. Well, except agent Roger, maybe?" Luka said, pointing at the grey haired woman at the counter, who laughed at his comment. "Good night, everyone!" 

Before leaving the stage through the back door, Luka exchanged one final look with Marinette and waved at her. Or so she wanted to believe, even if she wasn't sure. 

‘ He’s so hot ’. Marinette fanned herself with her hand and drank all the alcohol that remained on her cup. It wasn't cold anymore and she needed to cool down, so she stopped the goth waitress with long purple hair to order a drink, and a minute later the small blond short-haired waitress brought it to her. She drank it in one shot, mouth dry from the shouting and her burning cheeks and quickly beating heart.

"Hot much?" Alya teased her best friend, with a knowing smirk.

 "I told you he was lit! Wow! He even played a brand-new original song! You don't know how lucky we are. We have to come back again sometime soon!" Nino enthusiastically exclaimed. "A man like that is going to make it big in no time. We won't get the chance to get to listen to him like this when he becomes internationally famous"

Marinette couldn't help it but to agree. He was amazing… in all aspects. Maybe… it wasn't a bad thing she came… 

 No. It definitely wasn't.

 "Yeah… maybe live performances aren't bad… maybe… we should come again, yes…" Marinette said under her friend's satisfied and knowing smile.

 Who would have thought she would find inspiration on a pirate ship themed bar? She had unwillingly come and found something she didn't regret, as she found something even more unexpected: a crush on a talented guitarist. 

 And even though she was not sure if she was ready to pursue someone or to start a relationship, she knew she didn't want the clock of her life to keep spinning around a monotonous life, and she had just felt the way she had been wishing to feel for years; ALIVE. 

'Yes… I'll definitely come back again'

[luckydzaddehcollective]

"AN AFTERGLOW OF ASHES© by Axel Laigo"

Release date: August 5, 2021

Website: www.axongfairauthor.com

Grab your copy in Lazada or Shopee.

What's Christmas without any magic, eh? 😉

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DISCLAIMER1: This book was given to me for free in exchange for an honest book review.

🔥 ALL ABREWED and THANK AMIANAE 🍂

‖ COME ONE AND COME ALL TO THE LAND OF TIDALUS! WHERE ITS PINK AFTERGLOWS AND NATURESQUE LAYOUT GIVE YOU A PEEK THROUGH THE LAND OF WIND. ‖

I have finally finished reading this wonderfully MAGICAL, tear-jerking book! I would like to sincerely thank Kuya Axel for giving me this opportunity even though this was long overdue, for that I apologize to you Kuya, Amianae, and Bagathion. I feel these two Gods were face-palming at me when I was feeling unmotivated to continue the book. BUT finally, I finished it. Hurrah!

WARNING: This review is intended for educational purposes and helps the author with his book. The review contains slight spoilers of the book. Read if you dare *Sheldon's laugh* mwoahahaha

TWO WORDS:

COFFEE 👏🏻 BARS 👏🏻

You guys have no idea when I first set my eyes on these two words, I've been craving for them like crazy. HOHOHO, let's not forget Calor's ICED MINT COFFEE. 😫 Ugh, what I'd give for me to have those on a humid day and chilling with my friends. Laughter, the clinking of mugs, the sweet pastries. Kyaaahh! Stop me I'm drooling! >_< Enough about my cravings, onto the review~~~ *wind effect lol*

DISCLAIMER2: In my review, this is based on what I interpreted from the book and what was going on inside my mind, so like yeah a peep in my subconsciousness, CHAR ahahaha. Please expect that it might not be in a formal or professional tone because my mind does not talk like that but 'twill not be in a rude sense or manner in case some of you readers might think it's offensive or whatnot. I assure you it's not. 🤣

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🍃 CHARACTERS and NAMES:

⁕ The Chief's Daughter and the Twelve Pyrians - I'm going to say that I already love the names of the protagonists. When I first encountered this name I felt confused like "Huh? How did he come up with that name?" Want me to say the name? GRAB A COPY TO SEE IT YOURSELF~ hihi.

A million applause for Kuya with his name construction and wit. In all honesty, I thought the names were PUNS and I was dreading the punchlines. Alas 'twas not what I thought it was. Also, one thing I observed is that their names FIT IN with their personalities. The two siblings' names had a medieval ring to them and had completely opposite personalities. The eldest having had the heaviest expectation brought upon the Chief for him to be polished as heir. The second child, having her Mother's beliefs and has the same viewpoint which is frowned upon in Tidalus. Not going to lie, I felt frustrated and was the reason I stopped reading the book for a while. I couldn't bear the feelings she was feeling and made me think about my own. It gave me sad and annoyed feelings, but as I progressed from the story, all was clear as water. No more heightened feelings just peace. Well done kuya, well done *slow clap* 😄

The Pyrian names were adorable and just like what I said it really fitted with their personalities. I'd love to give you some of the names (which I already had if you paid close attention) but GRAB A COPY to discover these dudes and fall in love with each and every one of them. 😉 Let's just say, they are what every girl's fantasy, mostly mine tho, but why not share with the rest of the pack. huehue

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🍃 PUNS:

⁕ The writer did👏🏻not👏🏻disappoint with his promise of puns. As you start the story you get a dose of it already (BEETRICE!) I'm sorry I already love that name 🤣. What I like about it is that it's CONSISTENT. Constant and consistent. I tried formulating some puns of my own but failed, you really can't beat the writer's wit and silliness. BUT, as I progressed to the story I kinda went Calor mode wherein I have had enough of Alain's puns. It was funny but I facepalmed to some of them. Does that mean I'm old and can't have fun anymore? ಥ_ಥ Time. Cruel thing. But my old bones should not hinder you guys to GRAB YOUR OWN COPY. 😉

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🍃 THE STORY ITSELF:

⁕ Here are some highlights of the book that really left an impression on me.

- Redraven and Smokeraven - My heart just can't with mythical creatures, they're my Achilles heel. Although somehow I felt like it needed an illustrative understanding, a drawing something like that. But even if there was no picture the characteristics were clear. Kinda scary if you ask me because of the red beady eyes haha. However, you'll change perspective when you meet the little guy Blackjack, again another punful name, GRAB A COPY TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HIM 😉

- "That's just how it is." - This 👏🏻 line 👏🏻. This was said by Gustoff when he was squabbling with Janaia. I also felt bad for Gustoff with the experiences he had to face alone bearing the expectations his father threw at him and with the unfortunate event that happened earlier in the story. I mean I understand, he's the eldest but c'mon, Give the man some space to breathe. But, thank god for Janaia getting him on the right path again before he became like their Father. Woohoo! The development on this part left me in tears and relieved. No more tension, just hope.

- "Spicy food is where the world is at" - I AGREE, WHOLEHEARTEDLY! *plays Spicy by CL* I salute the author for acknowledging spicy ehehe. It's hard to find books that would portray their characters as both Spicy food lovers. As a spicy-food lover myself, I drooled at all their delish food. Curse you kuya, cravings will be the death of me haha.

- Springtime Sunshine vs. Late Night Lights (Themes) - I was so shocked when I realized it even if the author did not intend it. Janaia is a Ventite user, she controls the wind. Calor is a Pyrite user, he controls fire. Mush their ideas, Spring because of the cool breeze that often happens during that time. Late Night because of the fire Calor controls. My gosh, sometimes I shock myself with these discoveries (even if they were plainly obvious, to begin with).

- Sebastian and Serena - Hmmmm, Romeo and Juliet is that you? 🤔 Theater play, Alain as the lead role, it all fits. Haha. But I am not entirely sure, since what I have emphasized with disclaimer2, it's what my mind interpreted when I was reading the book. Not a lot was said about them but I would love to watch a 'Sebastian and Serena' play. 😉

- FLINTLOCK - I really racked my brain on where I heard that similar name before and it was a big sigh of relief when I realized who it was. The ever silly Flin Lockwood from 'Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs' guy. However, the inventor of the famed Spray-on Shoes or the FLDSMDFR would turn out to be... *dun tun tun* eevil, want to know what he did? GRAB A COPY TO KNOW 😉 ( and no, I will not stop advertising about the book 🤣)

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OVERALL, this book is worth the read and is full of surprises ❤️ If you're a fantasy lover like me this one is a fresh one for you to add to your collection. I would like to congratulate Kuya Axel, again, on the release of his debut book "An Afterglow of Ashes". Magic, mystery, friendship with romance budding in the air. This will not disappoint.

That's all for my review and I hope to see you guys in the land of Tidalus! May Amianae guide you~

ALL ABREWED! 🔥🍂

[minyoongisjiminie]

너는 나 나는 너 (neoneun na naneun neo)

ship: jikook, idol!jungkook x broke literature student!jimin

genre: fluff and angst, kind of slowburn

rating: pg-13

disclaimer: language and alcohol 

plot: jimin and jungkook were childhood friends and with jungkook training to become an idol, they both lost contact. jungkook however did never forget what Jimin once promised him: “If your pinky is bigger than mine, then I give you the allowance to marry me.” 

inspo: a beautiful fanart that i saw on insta some time ago. it made me brainstorm for a good amount of time :)

a/n: please be nice to me :’) I haven’t written stuff in such a long time and I’m so out of it…so pretty please cut me some slack :) constructive criticism is always allowed tho.

a big thank you to the closest mutual i have: @sugaforyou​ for beta reading and just being a helpful hand! i’m sure I was a mess… :’) I’m sorry for that and I love you! 

word count: 12,8k 

-

Jimin despised waking up early every day and then continuing to trot to the bus station. Did it even matter in the first place? School made him even more unmotivated than he already was in this part of life. In fact, there were no interesting and helpful topics he learned there and, furthermore, he thought that attending school was more something he fulfilled for his parents. They were always so proud of him when he brought home a good grade. So proud, that he always concealed how depressed school actually made him.  Going to school for so many hours to then attending the tuition classes and as if that weren’t enough also continuing studying at home, was that place that essential though? It just made him already completely weary when he wakes up on a Saturday. The only passion and hobby that he possessed was taking dance lessons, but even for those he rarely had time. He wanted to continue to attend them, but he was too overwhelmed with school that he was absolutely tired. On top of that, none of his friends actually tried to offer him a shoulder to cry or were even there to cheer him up. 

They did not realise how it was to live up each day to the expectations of others, how it was to live for others, just how it was to be so damn dependent on someone. Of course, he wasn’t the only one that had parents that were expecting so much. However, the friends that he established were all free spirits and some of their parents were even condoning that.

Oh, how he envied them. 

Why was he even so dependent on the hugs from his parents when he brought home an A, or just a simple “I’m proud of you” or “i love you”. It made him do things that he wouldn’t normally do. He was not expecting that just from his parents, but also from his friends. If he got these compliments and showers of love, he felt like it was okay to suffer. Maybe that was the reason why he was so lonely. He put himself into the moulds that people in his environment created for him. It ended up swallowing him up.

Nowadays, those he once called friends were ignoring him as much as they could, and his family didn’t really care about him. As long as he received  good grades and didn’t protest, they were fine with him. To be honest now without any distractions whatsoever he could completely concentrate on school, with his friends having stopped calling him on Friday nights to ask if he would come hang out with him on the weekend/following day.

They already knew he would find a pathetic excuse why he couldn’t attend. He was on his own.

Just as if someone like Kookie didn’t exist…

Kookie, or by his full name Jeon Jungkook, was his younger neighbour.

He was a few years younger than him and every time when Jimin was miserably trotting to school, the little one would always sprint his way up to him. Like Jimin’s puppy “Doraemon” trying to play with the little kids by running after them. Now after realising that, Jimin couldn’t stop thinking that they sort of looked similar to each other. That made him forget his sorrow for a little while, and he couldn’t stop smiling.

When Jimin was younger he always thought that Jungkook behaved that way because he looked up to him. Considering he was a few years older than him. Maybe he needed an older brother figure? Nowadays however Kookie comes to check if his pinkie grew out to be taller than the one of the older one. This cannot happen overnight of course, but Jungkook didn’t quite seem to understand how the mystery of time and patience worked.

“Hyung, just look! If my finger outgrows yours..! Then you need to marry me. You promised me!”

Jimin smiled gently. He actually stated that a few months back, because Jungkook wouldn’t stop bragging around that he was marrying Jimin soon. At first he thought it was cute, but after a while it started to get on Jimin’s nerves because he wouldn’t stop. So, the only option he had was to tell him they were still too young, and Jimin liked boys bigger than him.

To the surprise of the little one of course. He was absolutely bamboozled, his doe-like eyes grew even bigger in that moment, and he asked if he really needed to become taller than him, in order for him to take the older one’s hand in marriage. Jimin quickly grabbed the younger one by his hand and softly stated: “It’s enough if your little pinkie is bigger than hyung’s. And that needs some time, doesn’t it?” Kookie nodded shyly, examining the black and white converse chucks that the older one was wearing.

Looking back to it, he always ended up snickering a bit. The boy was truly a gift to the neighbourhood, everyone in the area loved him. Even though he was already growing up to become an adolescent, for all the neighbours he was still the little cute and gifted maknae, Kookie. A lot of his classmates that came to visit him were all trying too hard to look cool, which was normal for that age, but Kookie was still acting like a little adorable brat.

But dare you to recognize him and adore him back, face to face, then he turned into a big whiny mess.

Jungkook was indeed a once in a lifetime…

Jimin didn’t even know why Jungkook was so hellbent on “marrying” him. They were so young  and Jungkook so tiny. You wouldn’t tell he was twelve.

However, Jimin couldn’t stop feeling a bit flattered by the compliments and promises the little one gifted him. Even though it was “just his younger neighbour kid”.

“I firmly promise.” He hooked Kook’s little finger with his own, pulled his thumb onto his and made them touch. “You can trust your hyungie right?” Kook was already shyly staring at the pavement. Oh wow, now HE was the one that needed to be intimidated? “Of course, hyung.”

Jimin couldn’t contain himself, he chuckled. Jungkook was just such a… cutie pie.

To be honest, Jungkook isn’t 10 years or even 5 years younger than Jimin. The age gap consists of 2 years. That was completely alright. However, the height difference couldn’t be overlooked. Jungkook could reach Jimin’s chest at the moment, and the older one was sure that he would grow. However, the reason why Jimin was keeping his distance with his dongsaeng, was surely not the height difference. But rather that he would not stay right by his side. He wouldn’t continue to chase him down before school, ask for his pinkie in a cutely manner, or even give him the puppy eyes, to bribe him, so he could buy him his candies and banana milk. He would disappear in thin air. Just like his friends once did.

And that was bothering Jimin more than he would admit.

“You need to promise me that you’ll always give your best. Fate always brings those together that deeply care for each other. Okay?”

Jimin grabbed Jungkook by his shoulders, a bit tougher than he actually wanted, and he had a weird feeling in his guts telling him he wouldn’t see him again. He was indeed sure in his bones of the fact Jungkook would find someone better to look up to and adore.

In the end, Jimin was a loser, who wasn’t brave enough to run after his own dreams. And that sucked. Of course, it did. Jungkook shouldn’t stay here, though. Nothing should hold him here. Not even his first childhood romance.

If you could even call it like that..

“I’ll do that.. But if you forget me…!”

Jimin noticed the tears building up in Kookie’s big doe eyes, and he couldn’t contain his own sadness. It was so odd to see him in such a condition. He thought he would make some stupid jokes and then just say bye. Now looking at him like this, was concerning him.

“Hey… Oh Kook-ah!” He gently pushed Jungkook’s back into his arms, to embrace him into a hug. With one hand, the older one was caressing his little head while the other one his back.

“Hyung, will always be there with you. You cannot see me, but I’ll be right there by your side, alright?”

“I will miss you so much hyung.” the younger one replied with a trembling voice.

“You need to return quickly. You need to know if this one,” He showed his little pale pinkie. “Of yours, grew up to become bigger than mine, huh?” Jungkook’s lips finally formed a little smile, even though his eyes were still watery and red. “I promise. But when I come back you need to promise to marry me. Don’t you dare forget.”

Even though he wouldn’t admit it now, Jimin’s eyes back then were also filling up with tears. He caressed Jungkook’s head once more before moving away from the little one and facing him.

“This is a promise.”

Yet again they gave each other their little promise gesture. And then Jungkook was gone. Vanished, you could say without even leaving a trace. He did not forget a single thing. All his toys and plushies he loved, he kept. That was a bummer. Jimin hoped to have something from him to always keep him in his memories.

The first few years, Jimin welcomed home some letters. Or messages on his phone. After some time, however, even those stopped.

~ a few years later ~

“Jimin, you owe me more than one soju bottle for doing this…?”

Yoongi massaged his own lower back, after carrying a few boxes up to Jimin’s new place. He was not born to help him out, along with it, he also wasn’t born to carry heavy boxes like that. Why did Jimin even ask Yoongi from all the people he knows to help him out? He isn’t helpful in any way. 

“Dude you brought up 2 boxes. You shouldn’t even get half of a soju bottle.” the younger one replied while lying down on the cold wooden plank. He was exhausted and didn’t even know why he was still going to college. He fucked up his first semester because he chose to listen to his parents and studied hotel management. Hotel management? From all the subjects the world has to offer, he chose fucking hotel management? Thankfully, he found his better half in the same classes and funny thing is he also seemed out of place.

His parents were not so happy to hear that. But in the end they accepted his choice and let him study whatever he wants. As long as he still went to college they didn’t care anymore.

In a way he was happy, but he was also fucking tired and disappointed in himself. Why did he even listen to his parent’s advice in the first place?

“I’m your sunbae, and the most important thing is that I’m your hyung. So, don’t be such a disrespectful piece of trash and be thankful that I was there to help you out.”

Yoongi scoffed back while he poked Jimin’s chest with his pale finger.

The younger one rolled his eyes and made some space for Yoongi to lay next to him on the floor. Even though there was a cheap sofa just a few meters away from them, on this hot summer day the best and also free thing was to just lay down on the floor. Jimin wasn’t rich in any way, so therefore he couldn’t afford an AC.

“Taehyung was too busy with his girlfriend. Hoseok hyung was too busy with his college work and the others were out partying.”

Yoongi shrugged his shoulders and took a sip from his lukewarm beer that Jimin bought him on their way to get here. He wasn’t necessarily into partying, especially not when it was that hot outside. Jimin was also the only one he was cool with, hanging out with him didn’t get on his nerves. That was a plus. And as long as he got his soju, he gives zero fucks.

“I’m the best hyung you have. Just sayin’.” He stood up pretty quickly from the cold wooden floor and offered his hand to the now blonde-haired boy. “Soju time.” Yoongi stick out his tongue and squeezed his eyes. Jimin couldn’t prevent himself from laughing. This hyung got some fairly good aegyo talent if alcohol was in play.

*

“Cheers!”

It was pretty late now. Jimin was starting to get tired and was unsure if he could pay for all the soju bottles they were destroying. “Hyung, how about you slow down a bit? I don’t think I can pay up for all of this.” Jimin was starting to count the tteokbokki and the soju bottles that they already devoured. 1, 2, 3, 4… no. It was impossible. He already was broke. He was happy that he could pay for even one bottle.

“Don’t worry too much. I knew you would say that. I asked for one bottle so just pay up for one if you want to.”

Jimin looked at him suspiciously, uncertain in what he was up to. Soon after he just gave up and stopped assuming that his older friend expected something from him in return. He was too drunk in the first place, thinking shouldn’t be an option.

“Come on, let’s get home. You look so drunk.”

“Am. Not?”

Jimin has always gotten pretty sassy and showed his big temper when he was drunk. It made Yoongi laugh, so he just played along.

“Okay, little one. Let’s go. Tomorrow is Uni-Day.”

Jimin tried. Standing up was hard, he felt like his eyes were coated with tiny little clouds. And his head was starting to ache really bad. “Hyung, please. Help me…” He pouted while searching for his hyung with his hands.

Little did Jimin know, Yoongi was actually paying for the food and the alcohol, snickering as he glanced at the helpless little blonde boy. It was always a different kind of entertainment to watch Jimin being drunk. And he adored that.

“Come on!”

Yoongi dragged Jimin out of the bar and linked his arms with his. Just to be careful. He could never be sure if he’s up to something. Drunk people are like kids. You can’t read their thoughts, and suddenly they’re crying because they’re doing something stupid.

“Hmm, which Bus should we take..?”

While Yoongi was looking through his phone, Jimin started observing his surroundings. It was pretty dark and refreshing to stand outside after drinking so much, with the weather tingling him. And he realised how happy he was that he didn’t barf tonight. It was an improvement for him.

The night still was young, one could never know.

While Jimin looked at all the posters glued on the windows and doors of the neighbour’s bars and restaurants, there was a specific one whom caught his attention.The boy on the poster looked so familiar…

Oh no. The boy on the poster… Is none other than…

That was damn Jeon Jungkook!

Jimin felt the puke climbing its way up to his throat, and he was so not welcoming it.

“Hyung… I think.. I need to..”

There we go.

“FUCK.”

*

After last night’s encounter with poster Jungkook, Jimin had such a bad mood that nothing on this planet could have cheered him up. And that fucking sucked.

His friends tried their best, but as they realised that even Mr. Kim’s class was not cheering him up a bit, they became worried.

“Jimin, you want some boba? I could buy some boba!”

Hoseok was really good at cheering up. He was such a funny spirit and always used his best words. But not even Hoseokie hyung’s jokes and cuddles or boba could cheer him up. If the older one could mix some magical powder in his boba, so he would forget all the heart-breaking memories he had with Jungkook… Then he would sure as hell take it.

“No, I gotta head to work. I’ll just drink coffee there.”

He grabbed his bag and trotted his way to the cafe where he worked part-time. Why was he even miserable in the first place? Jungkook was just a little boy back then –12 years old to be exact– thinking he was in love with him. That was it. How could a child know what real love was? Besides, why should Jimin care in the first place, when he already knew it was just a kindergarten love?

His headache was still not gone, and he was sure it did not entirely just come from alcohol…

“Hello, Noona.”

Jimin bowed towards his boss and grabbed his apron. Working in the cafe wasn’t even bad. He loved it to a certain amount. It was relaxing and soothing to create drinks and serve cakes and macarons. But he doubted that work today will help him overcome his past love.

“What’s wrong? Did you fail a test or something?”

Yoona washed her hands and prepared everything for Jimin to take over. She was two years older than him, and he was thankful for that. Jimin had no clue how to interact with people that were either way older than him or way younger than him.

“Nah, it’s just my brain.” He raised his index finger, pointed at his brain and took a deep sigh. “Overthinking.”

His older friend smiled lightly and tapped on his shoulder. “I don’t know what the problem is. But you will eventually overcome it. I promise.”

He nods, starting to cut some fruits to prepare some boba tea. It helped him to ignore Jungkook who was desperately trying to contact him in his head. Repeatedly knocking on his brain and crying out his name like a mantra: “Jiminie hyung!”

If that wasn’t bad enough.. Yoona forgot to tell him that there was a fancafe event today.

For Jungkook himself.

Jimin felt how his heart started to burst. Why was he so dependent on him? He didn’t see him for years and now suddenly after so many years he was following him around?

“Uhm, sir?”

A young girl, who was definitely still a high schooler, stood in front of the cash register and looked him straight in the eyes.

“We got permission from the Lady who was working here before. Just.. to be clear.”

He nodded, tried to smile, and gave her the permission again. Complimenting how beautiful the cafe looked and that they were doing a good job.

What should he even do? Be mad at the girl for being a fan? No. It wasn’t her fault.

“If you need help or anything. Say so.” He quickly continued and made his way to his best friend Taehyung, who was already sitting at his table.

“The usual?”

Tae nodded while glancing around at the cafe now full of Jungkook’s face. The tables were plastered with cups and cupcakes with Jungkook’s pictures, his name and birthdate. Of course, it was Jungkook’s birthday today. He completely forgot…

“Can I get my latte with this cup?” Taehyung tried to imitate Jungkook’s expression on the cup and gave the expression a little silly twist. Thankfully, the girls were busy putting posters on the wall, that they didn’t acknowledge him at all. The last thing he wanted, was a mob full of teenage girls getting at his nerves for disrespecting their “oppa”.

“Don’t ruin the fun for the fans. If that’s the way they want to show their love, they should.”

Taehyung looked up to him, confused. Since when was Jimin so nonchalant about events like that? He was literally the first one to complain about these girls or even boys who came to decorate the cafe with the handsome faces of the idols. The blonde-haired boy even went that far to call them “the slaves of the rich”.

“Anyway..” He stood up and followed Jimin to his working area. Taehyung would always order the same thing. A latte, a turkey sandwich, and a piece of the famous walnut cake. Jimin sometimes wondered if he wasn’t bored with picking the same order over and over again. But what did he care? As long as he was near him and could watch over him being an emotional mess and maybe even interfere if he were doing too much nonsense, he didn’t care at all.

“Did you see these girls? They are putting the posters up there like their lives are depending on it, it’s just a goddamn birthday of some self-centred sexy looking boy.”

Taehyung took a big sip of his latte and gave a disgusted expression.

Oh boy if you knew..

“Ah, by the way, I actually got to know the ‘self-centred-sexy looking boy’.

His best friend choked on the latte and stared at him, completely bewildered, and gave him a look. “No way..?!” Jimin shrugged his shoulders and put his food on the glass table in front of him. “Not a big deal, we were good friends back in Busan.” He casually responded as if it were the most normal thing that could happen to someone.

“And when did you think it was appropriate to tell me ?” Taehyung took a bite of his sandwich and skilfully avoided any eye contact with the smaller one. Jimin did not even need to look at him to know that he was probably pouting while eating to give him a guilty conscience.

Why should he feel guilty though? Everything happened way back in the past. Sometimes it’s better to let the past go. And the same rule was also directed to Kookie.

“You have something to say to me?” Jimin responded after a while. Shouldn’t it be Jimin’s choice to choose when to talk about specific things? Why is everyone always coming at him when he hid something from them? Doesn’t he have the right for privacy?

“Nah nothing. I was just wondering how you’ve gotten to know him. He’s pretty popular nowadays.”

“We were childhood friends.”

Taehyung raised his eyebrows and his eyes widened. He didn’t expect that Jimin was friends with the upcoming next ‘Taeyang’. Funny how one always discovers something new about their best friends.

“And you’re still in contact?” Taehyung suddenly started to welcome the idea of his best friend knowing a famous idol, that could open so many doors for them. Dreamily, he put a fork full of cake in his mouth. Just thinking that people would try to be friends with them and act like they are celebrities themselves made him cheerful. According to Taehyung, they weren’t exactly losers or anything, but they weren’t associated with the cool kids either. Jungkook could open so many doors for him.. and Jimin of course!

“Nah. He stopped writing me back.”

It was actually Jimin that stopped. But the questions on “why” and “how” would be too annoying for him, so he realised lying wouldn’t be that bad.

“Aw shit that sucks.”

After Jimin’s confession, they both stopped talking for a while. Taehyung confessed that he still had some schoolwork overdue and that he would concentrate on that, and Jimin stated that he was still in preparation for today’s work. However, both were still in eyesight to each other. Here and there they shared some moments, but overall, they did their own thing.

That was refreshing to Jimin.

Maybe he was selfish for being so demanding and wanting Taehyung to be near him. And also wanting him to be silent and letting him do his work, without interruption. Yet, at moments like these, he realised how much he actually respected their friendship and also how they’re both complete opposites from each other.

Taehyung was a pretty outgoing, friendly, and charming guy. Girls loved him and were undressing him with their stares when he was walking around campus, and guys wanted to be his friend, sending him invitations to notorious parties. In addition, he was also humble and disagreed with the fact that he was in any way “popular”. He was that clueless that he would make plans on how to get into parties that were from popular seniors but hasn’t realised that he indeed was literally the most treasured and desired boy in the whole campus. The majority of seniors weren’t interested in him, however they knew him. To the point that he would receive cute messages from pretty noonas.

Okay, maybe the seniors were indeed interested in him, but they had a big ego, and wouldn’t give him invitations, nevertheless.

A typical case of not knowing what is in front of your nose but wanting something that you’ll never get.

Jimin however… He was a hopeless loser.

Girls didn’t give a single shit about him, guys were ignoring him and would only greet him when Taehyung or his senior friends were next to him. He wasn’t interesting and he realised that fact one too many times. The only thing he was good for was when his colleagues wanted to get close to his friends through him. And that was nice for both sides. Jimin’s friends knew whom to ignore from now on, and the girls and guys who were trying had the hope to get closer to them.

What a shitshow.

The only great thing about college nowadays was that he actually had some real friends he could count on.

Thinking about the way his friends knew little of Jungkook made him feel glum. They pretty much knew a great deal about him, he told them everything. His relationship with his younger brother, his parents, his assholes of friends back then. But he always let Jungkook out. Even though he played such a big part in his life once.

And still does.

Yearningly he looked back to Taehyung, who had his earplugs in and typed something in his MacBook. He wanted to tell him how much he actually missed Jungkook. How much he loved him back then, and how sorry he was that he stopped replying.

The guilt in his intestines was driving him wild.

Maybe that was the problem. He was running away from the responsibility over their relationship. Why was he even scared? He had no clue.

Why did he stop replying? He knew how shy and insecure Jungkook was back then. He even wrote to him once, that he felt like crying whenever his fellow trainee-hyungs were interrogating him about his interests. And that he would look himself up just to take a long deep breath. After all the confessions the younger one made, Jimin just stopped replying? He was disgusted. And disappointed in himself.

Perhaps that was the reason why he was so remorseful and so careful to bring him up.

This was the first time he had friends. And he didn’t want them to leave him too.

On the other side, he felt guilty. Wanting to know if what he did was really that bad, or that maybe in any way, his friends would understand and forgive him.

“Taehyung-ah?”

Jimin raised his voice slightly. Not wanting to gain attention from Jungkook’s fans. He assumed the girls were nearly done with their work. They decorated the cafe in pastel colours and all the posters were already hanging on the wall. Apparently the only thing they still were working on was the TV, trying to connect it with their phones, possibly to put on some music videos.

“Tae?”

He raised his voice one more time. Again, not getting an answer.

“Now or Never” he thought.

Taehyung was his best friend, the only same aged friend he had to be exact. Why couldn’t he just be a hundred percent honest with him?

The blonde-haired boy walked towards the little table that was plastered full of Taehyung’s books, a notebook and his MacBook. He hoped for Taehyung to understand him and maybe even help him out to forget Jungkook. After so many years the younger one would’ve forgotten about him anyway…

“Something’s wrong?” Taehyung saw Jimin’s agonized expression and it worried him. He surveyed the restaurant. No one. The guests were perhaps put off by the girls that discussed vocally about the pictures that should be taken and didn’t even dare to enter the little cafe. Due to the minority of guests, he grabbed Jimin’s wrist and made him sit next to him.

“Finally! Will you tell me what’s been bothering you for so long?" 

It sounded like he impatiently spitted these words out, but Taehyung was just worried. And maybe even a bit annoyed. Jimin wouldn’t keep things from him for so long. Most of the time he would write him a message, and Taehyung helped him out by cheering him up. Of course, there were also times where that wasn’t enough. Then, he would come pick his friend up without him realising, drag him to the closest "McDonalds” and have a late snack together. That’s just how things worked out between them. 

Now seeing that his best friend was hiding something from him, and that it was overall bothering him to the point that he was spreading this bad mood around… Was especially concerning to him. 

How could Jimin even decline Hobi hyung’s offer to boba?! 

“There is so much that I didn’t tell you. And I feel fucking guilty. Seriously…”

Jimin’s voice started to break, and he needed to fight against his tears. He was so frightened that his friend would end this friendship, when he found out that he let the 13-year-old Jungkook back then, down. Mostly, because Jimin was kind of the caretaker of their little friend group. That also applied to Taehyung’s girlfriend who also was a pretty close friend to Jimin. If they find out about Jungkook maybe they’ll stop trusting him altogether.

“Bro.. that’s okay. Tell me. You make me all scared right now.” Taehyung grabbed Jimin’s cold hand and put his own two hands on it. “Does it have something to do with that Jungkook guy?” Jimin gulped. He needed to be completely honest with him about this. About his feelings and in general, about the relationship he shared with his once younger friend. 

“Yeah, actually it does.” Jimin responded, while still staring at their hands. It helped him a lot to feel Taehyung’s hands on his own. He once noticed how much tanner he was than him. And he remembered once again how different they are from each other. Even when it came to things like outer appearance. 

So then, after recollecting his thoughts, he spilled everything out. How they both shared this deep-rooted relationship, and how both shared the mutual trust and love in each other. He revealed every single point, and how Jungkook made him feel. Even though, back then, he was younger and smaller than him. Kookie was the only one that understood him and stood by his side. 

Jimin was sharing all these intimate moments that he had with his dongsaeng, while he didn’t recognize how Taehyung was smiling widely about the way he mentioned cute little habits that Jungkook possessed and even the grimaces he once did to cheer him up. Talking about these habits eventually helped Jimin to overcome his tension about this topic. 

“I told you that he stopped replying, remember?" 

Taehyung still extremely interested and who seemingly forgot that he had schoolwork to do, nodded while rubbing his thumb on Jimin’s outer hand. 

"Well, that’s not the entire truth… I was the one who stopped replying to him." 

His friend was in point of fact a bit surprised, but he wasn’t angry or disappointed. More rather he wondered why Jimin did that to be exact. 

"It’s just so complicated. He was writing to me about his hardships and I had this weird feeling that I couldn’t help him out. I also missed him so much and every time I would start a new letter my hands always mindlessly wrote the words "just come back home Jungkook-ah, hyung misses you”. Even though it was selfish of me. Then I–”

He finally gained the courage to look his friends in the eye. “I just stopped replying whatsoever.“ 

Now, it was over. He said everything completely honest and every single word that was spoken came out of his heart. The desperate wish that Taehyung would understand was still booming in his head.  

"Jimin-ah… That’s okay." 

Was everything that came out from his better half. And even that seemed enough for a second. 

*

It was now time to head home. Taehyung insisted on bringing him and on the way they could order some food. The black-haired boy knew that Jimin wouldn’t eat anything if something was bothering him, and he always remembered how his mom constantly told him that eating some delicious food was always a good way to forget about all the small melancholic things in life. Even if it was just a few hours.

"Let’s order some chicken with some beer. That’s perfect for this ugly weather." 

Even though it was blazing hot yesterday, today it was heavily raining. Without Taehyung’s umbrella they sure as hell would have a problem. 

After their conversation, Taehyung wanted to actually strangle Jimin for even thinking he would end this friendship just because of some idol boy. He made some jokes to cheer him up, and told him numerous times that it was alright. There was a solid reason why he didn’t write back, and if there was ever going to be a moment where Jungkook and Jimin eventually meet, from the way Jimin was describing him, Jungkook would understand.

"I just want to let this go, you know. But I don’t know if screaming out of my lungs or breaking stuff will help me.” Jimin stated sadly, while nibbling on his fried chicken. He actually was hungry, but eating was exhausting to him. 

All he had in his mind was Jungkook.

In one picture, little Jungkook who was crying and repeatedly asking why he abandoned him, and in a different picture there was Jungkook, all grown up, ignoring him on purpose and burning all the letters that he ever sent to him. 

“This might be a super stupid idea… But how about you write him a letter, telling him in all details what happened ? Like, why you stopped writing back and stuff." 

In all honesty, that sounded like a good idea to the blond. He can imagine how just writing down the words "I’m sorry” will clear up his guilty conscience. There was also no possible way that Jungkook would read it, either way. He was such a popular idol nowadays, he definitely received tons of letters every day. 

“No, I actually think that may help me…" 

Taehyung gifted his best friend a boxy smile while he put some fried chicken on his own plate. He always had a strong appetite. Looking at his friend eat so happily made Jimin full in a second. 

"When you finish writing, send me your letter if you want.”

Jimin looked at him like a scared puppy. How could he possibly show him this side of himself? All sensitive and vulnerable? 

He would rather stab himself. 

“No, that’s fine. I’ll just write what comes to mind and send it." 

Taehyung gave him a thumbs up with a pout. A cute habit he had while eating. Jimin smiled brightly and gave him one of his fried chicken that was sitting on his plate for some time. Eating wouldn’t calm down his stomach, which was now full of little butterflies. 

*

03:00 am.

Jimin was laying on the wooden floor. Slightly banging his head repeatedly against the tile, hoping something good will pop up in his brain.

As soon as Taehyung left, Jimin mindlessly, started to walk around his little apartment. Wishing with every step, for something good to pop out of his head, maybe some artistic poetic words? A simple sorry wouldn’t be enough, that’s all he knew.

Just like that, time passed. 

Jimin didn’t know what to say. He was too inflicted with himself and thought that no matter what he wrote, he could never be forgiven. Right there at this moment he wondered what Jungkook did right now. It was definitely ridiculously hard to be an idol, especially nowadays where K-Pop started to go viral around the globe. 

When he was younger, he always imagined while writing letters to his younger friend, what Jungkook was doing right at that moment. Back then it felt like the letter was even more sincere. 

So, what did he think Jungkook was doing right now?

He imagined him playing around with his guitar or game till sunrise. Jungkook was always a night owl, staying up pretty late and coping with the fact that he rarely slept. Even though he would feel how his eyelids start to fall on their own, he would still stubbornly, force himself to stay awake. That was something they both had in common. 

The older one remembered the times where he would sit in front of his house trying desperately to finish off his homework, while the younger one would walk up to him all ninja style and annoy him with questions. All of it happening at midnight of course. 

The desperate wish of Jimin was that Jungkook was still like, well.. Jungkook. 

Humble, adorable, funny, dorky.

As he thought of his past love, he immediately grabbed his pen and wrote down a sincere letter. Being honest with him, telling him how his life went these couple of years,  finishing off with a confession, that the younger once always wanted to hear him say:

"I once wholeheartedly loved you, and I still do." 

*

"Aw damn.." 

Hoseok stared at him like the emoji with the big eyes, that was perfectly matching to him. Jimin finally had the guts to confess to his other friends what actually really happened, and surprisingly they were all super nice about it. 

Deep down, he knew they would understand. However, it still made him happy to see that they were so invested in his little complicated love story. 

"You could literally make a whole movie about this…?” Jin stated while looking afar and making a weird gesture, implying a camera. “It would be like "The Notebook” just reversed.“ 

"I don’t really want to see this in movie theatres though, that would just be weird." 

Namjoon always acted a bit awkward when it came to romantic stories or even love stories in general. He would always listen to their stories about their hook-ups or their genuine crushes, but he never gave a weird noise off himself, like a high-pitched “aww” or something, that he thought something was cut. Just simply listened, maybe gave some advice, and then he would go on correcting Jin on his bullshit. 

Classic Namjoon’s.

"I don’t even think he will write back or something… I wrote him, yeah that’s true.. But I don’t expect a reply." 

All his friends at the table stared him down. Ready to kick his small little ass. 

"Jimin you stupid fucking moron.” He glared at the pale boy who was finally eager to state his own opinion on this. 

Min Yoongi in his whole presence. 

Just a few minutes ago, he was all uninterested, poking in his salad and asking random people for advice on a history exam he had in a few hours. Likewise, Jimin also tried not to give two shits about his advice whatsoever. So why did he suddenly catch interest in it? 

“If you really think he wouldn’t reply, then that makes you again the weaker person." 

Trying not to look too engrossed, he gave his leftover fries to Taehyung’s girlfriend, Jess, who happily devoured them. He was absolutely good at avoiding eye contact, his hyung could try everything to lock eyes with him but he would never let him. 

"You described him as the nice, funny and understanding guy. Do you really think he didn’t wait every day for you to write him back?" 

Fuck, he had a point there. Rather than giving in, Jimin rolled his eyes and continued to stroke his untouched burger with his index finger. "I don’t know. There might be a chance that he changed." 

Yoongi’s little scoff was loud enough to witness and in the corner of his eye he could see him resting his hand on his forehead. His face screaming: absolutely irritated. 

"How would you know? You might haven’t even changed at all? What kind of hypocrisy is it in making yourself believe that he changed just because he got his share of fame? Have a little trust in him, would you?" 

Now Jimin started to get a bit frustrated. What did he even expect from him in the first place? That he would wait all day till the mail arrives and then cry his eyes out after realising Jungkook didn’t write back? He was not even expecting that, so why should he drive himself into doing it? 

"Hyung how about you mind your own business, huh?" 

Yoongi rolled his eyes, grabbed his notes and backpack while staring at him in disbelief before leaving.

The atmosphere now was absolutely awkward.

"I know you don’t wanna hear this… But Mister Min has a point there.”

Hoseok broke the silence. Thankfully, all the others sighed in relief and nodded their heads.

“Have a bit of trust in him. I’m not saying that you should wait for him every day to write you back or something. But just…”

His lips closed, teeth clenched, and his eyes twitched due to him urging them to close. Waiting for his brain to come up with a good word.

“Patience!”

He screamed, pointing at the confused Jimin who was now sliding back into his seat. Extremely embarrassed.

“Sorry.” He chortled. “Was I too loud?”

Tae brushed it off by making a gesture to make him continue his started speech.

“Anyways… You need to stay patient. Find a balance. Don’t be too disappointed every day, but also don’t give up on him. Give him his time.”

Everyone who was seated, slowly started to get up either going to classes or getting back to the dorms. Except for Jimin and Taehyung.

Jimin’s best friend was just staring at him. Hoping to see some kind of change of heart. He wanted the best for him, after all Jimin was always there for him too.

“And?”

Taehyung broke off the silence once again, while coughing the word out.

The blonde-haired boy peeled off the etiquette on his “Gatorade” bottle, and just nodded. What else should he even do at this point. 

He knew that they were actually saying the right thing. Even Yoongi hyung. Nevertheless, it was hard to stay calm about it. Jungkook was always someone he wanted to be close with, but he never had the guts to do something about it. Not to mention, playing it off, telling himself that it was just a kindergarten crush. When in reality it wasn’t.

“Stay strong dude. See you later?”

Giving him just one last little pat on the shoulder, he left.

Letting Jimin drown alone in his thoughts.

*

And like that the days went by. Pretty quickly, even Jimin needed to admit to that. 

College, work, hanging out with friends. All of that. Everyday.

Jungkook creeping up in his thoughts here and there, but never to such an extent as he expected. When he ate something, whereas he knew that Jungkook once loved too, he would think of him for a brief moment. And that was all. Smiling for a bit and then erasing him from his thoughts for the rest of the day. After days full of insomnia and lack of appetite… Finally, he felt like he could let go. 

It turned out that it was easier for him to let Kook go, even though he was sure that there was simply no chance that he would have read the letter the older wrote for him. 

Still… something about just writing his thoughts on a sheet of paper made him feel absolutely relieved. 

It felt like he sent these feelings and honest thoughts to Jungkook. Just in a weird and telepathic way. 

“Do you have the notes from that one lecture… uhm.. where we talked about 'The Catcher in the Rye’?”

As always Taehyung was grabbing Jimin back into reality. 

“Huh?" 

Jimin took his airpods out of his ears. Rubbing his eyes tiredly, confused as to what he wanted from him. 

They always studied together, especially when it came to the exams from Mr. Kim. Even though he was extremely awesome and an outstanding professor, he also expected thrice as much. 

Taehyung grabbed his notes, that were uhm… not really there? 

Jimin chuckled, going through his hair while searching for that one specific lecture where Kim was discussing Holden Caulfield’s character and if anyone felt the same as him in a specific time in their life. The blonde remembered that he was discussing with him a lot about that issue yet being careful about touching any parts that matched Holden’s character to his. 

He loved analysing the characters, and deep down he also loved to take a harsh comparison to them with himself. 

Holden was such a free nature, he never listened or cared about his environment and what they thought was the right thing for him. He just did what he needed to do, maybe even exaggerating a bit, in the process of finding himself. 

Jimin was actually the counterpart of him. He always cared and wanted to be accepted by his friends and family. Mentally, however he also felt like Holden. Trapped in a society where you needed to fulfil someone else’s dream, or someone else’s path. But what if one’s path was different? What if he doesn’t want to go to school, be an ace student and marry some women and create his own family? What if he just wants to do his own thing? Concentrating on just being happy? 

"Here we go.” He handed his friend a perfect 5-piece sheet of notes of all the analysing points Kim addressed. Just as Taehyung was grabbing the notes, his eyes started to glitter full of relief. 

“What would I ever do without you Jimin-ah!” Jimin winked at him, while offering him some honey butter chips. “You would terribly suffer.” He replied while trying to imitate a darker voice.  

Like that, they continued their work, helping each other out if there were some specific questions, reading out the passages of J. D. Salinger’s novel, and repeating all the points Kim addressed. 

“Ah shit.” Taehyung looked at his phone, quickly packing up his things and closing his MacBook. 

Jimin smiled, he forgot the time once again and realised he needed to go to some date with Jess. 

Typical Taehyung. 

“Hurry up or I’ll snitch on Jess the next time and make you bad!” Jimin replied quite happily, while smacking his friend’s ass with his book. 

“Dude don’t. That woman will stare at me with her medusa eyes!” He continued while grabbing things with a rushing panic, throwing it into his bag. 

Of course, it was all jokes and fun, and Jess would always forgive him no matter what. Due to Taehyung being extremely loveable of course. They had the best relationship, Jimin could think of. Both were the most amazing human beings, and their relationship was so healthy. He wished that one day, he would meet that one person too. And fell head over heels for someone. Hopefully once again. In the near future. 

“Ah Jiminie…" 

Jimin, who was still laying on his bed, looked over to the door frame where Taehyung was standing and still in the process of wearing his shoes. 

"I’m so happy that you are doing better." 

Jimin just smiled lightly as a reply, waving with his hand, indicating that he should leave already. A quick "love you, bye!” and then he was gone. 

The blonde went back into laying on his stomach, grabbing the novel. It looked horrible, completely read out and crinkled. Showing how much, he actually loved it. 

Just like that, the late afternoon turned into an early night. 

Taehyung came along with him after a lecture they visited together. They both ordered food, as always, and then started to switch their notes. Of course, Jimin was more thorough when it came to writing notes, but it didn’t bother him at all to help his friend out. Tae was amazingly good at analysing. Thoughts that he never imagined would come up in Tae’s brain in an instant. 

Such an intelligent but absolutely lazy boy. 

Now it was already past 8pm. The thought of needing to eat was alarming in the back of his head. But he was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. 

After a quick search, he found a single pack of Ramen. He quickly put the pot on the stove and waited till the water heated up. 

Suddenly, he heard someone knocking on his door. 

His doorbell stopped working for some reason, so therefore his friends would just message him that they were there. Taehyung was the only one who would knock, but first, he was already gone and secondly, he had a weird knocking style.

He would abuse his door as a percussion to be exact.

“Who is it?” He anxiously raised his voice a little. But still no reaction. 

“Whoever that may be. Can you just tell me who you are?" 

Still no reaction. After a while, the person started to knock again. 

Jimin was prepared for moments like these. He quickly grabbed a pretty unsharp butter knife and put his ear on the cheap door. He could swear he heard someone snickering. His heartbeat was increasing rapidly. 

One hand was wandering from the door to the knob, while the other held tightly the grip on the knife. 

Slowly he opened the door, his heart stopping momentarily, after seeing someone who seemed to be dressed completely in black. 

Thank god, the person had some great taste though that’s for sure.

First he saw the shoes, just some plain black converse chucks, then his eyes wandered up to the person’s pants. Also black, with some chains dangling around the area where the pockets were. Once he found his way to the person’s torso, the man was grabbing him by his arms. 

The smaller one from both of them, who seemingly was Jimin, started to shut down his eyes. Completely terrified. 

"Hyung? Can you just stop the games and look me straight in the eye?” The taller man broke the silent awkward atmosphere. 

For some reason, the voice sounded so familiar but at the same time completely foreign. 

Jimin opened his eyes slowly, looking up to the man, still squinting. 

“It’s me. Jungkookie." 

*

Silence. 

Awkwardness…

Now sitting in front of each other, Jimin felt completely bamboozled. 

Was this some reality show? 

"Your tea is getting cold… there..” Jimin raised his index finger and aimed for the little teacup. 

“Ah yeah. That’s fine. I’m not really here to drink tea to be honest." 

The younger one, took a sip from his tea while staring, confidently, at the older one. 

Jimin quickly looked away, feeling how his heart started to go crazy in his chest. 

"Hyung, how have you been?” Jungkook came closer to him, dragging the chair as close as possible to the table, staring at the nervous hands of the older one. 

“Nothing much. Just college stuff." 

Biting on his under lip, he realised how happy he felt but at the same time his guilt started to come back and nagged on his intestines. 

"Oh hyung.” Jungkook rolled his eyes while grabbing Jimin’s tiny hands. It was an unexpected gesture. Kook’s hands however, were so warm. Jimin’s hands in comparison were freezing cold. Jimin realised that he appeased himself more.

“I’m sorry, Kookie…" 

Here he was. Sitting in front of him. Holding his hands, as if he was the one that fucked up. Even though it needed to be the other way around. 

"I fucked up.”

He couldn’t handle the emotions that were starting to tear him apart. The complete opposite sides of emotions were clashing with each other, overwhelming him. Happiness on one hand, since Jungkook finally found his way back to him, but sadness because he felt like he did not deserve it. Relief, as it seemed like Jungkook came back to accept his letter, but on the other hand also guilt. Since it was not fair of him to believe that he would gladly do that. 

“Hyung…” Jungkook’s grip on Jimin’s hands was tighter now and while he looked at him, smiling softly, seeing the tears flowing down on the pale skin of the older one, he couldn’t overcome his heart bursting. Seeing him like this was not his aim. Not at all. 

Jungkook closed his eyes, pulling Jimin’s hands closer to him. Dragging him softly to him, so that Jimin had no choice but to slightly get dragged up on the table. 

Softly, he kissed Jimin’s hands. Making Jimin just sob even louder than he was before. 

“No, you didn’t.” Jungkook’s voice broke. 

Jimin looked at him. Frightened that he made him cry as well.

The black-haired boy was still covering his face with Jimin’s hands. It felt so natural, and there was no sign of weirdness in the air. Something about this touch felt too familiar. 

And then he realised…

When they were younger, Jimin would always grab Kookie’s hands and lay them on his cheeks. It was something he always did when Kookie would run behind him before school. And quickly, Kookie would turn silent. Acting shy. 

What both never really knew was, that both of their hearts were beating strongly. Together. 

“I’m so sorry too." 

Finally looking up from the older’s hands. "I missed you a lot." 

Jimin smiled. Standing up, while still having Jungkook’s hands intertwined with his. Jungkook followed his action, also standing up. The height difference made him chuckle even more. And quickly like that the tears were forgotten. 

"I missed you so much.” Jimin replied, while falling onto the younger’s chest. 

So many years, both of them were silently loving each other. Trying to forget, trying to erase all the memories. But it was impossible. And now both of them were here, standing in Jimin’s crappy apartment holding each other in their arms and forgetting the hurtful years that they lived without each other. 

“But wait a second!” Jungkook broke away from the hug, quickly wiping his tears, and then grabbing Jimin’s hand once again. 

“Hmm let’s take a look…" 

"Aw come on. Really? Still, to this day?" 

Jimin just chuckled, while Jungkook was testing out if his pinkie was finally taller than Jimin’s. And of course, it was. There was no need to even look. Jungkook’s hands were enormous in comparison to Jimin’s tiny hands. 

"You know what that means?" 

The blonde just laughed and quickly hit the younger one’s chest rapidly. 

"First we need to have some dates. Don’t you think?" 

Jungkook rolled his eyes, while dragging the younger one back into his arms. "So many problems along the way. Horrible!” He joked, while grabbing Jimin’s head softly, dragging him onto his chest.

The older one took the chance to take in the beautiful smell of Jungkook. It was hard to describe, something sweet but in the same way not extremely intrusive. Rather delicate, soft. He could swear somewhere while smelling it, he could sense… lavender? And in an absolute weird way… He swore that he also smelt the only perfume his mom would wear back then. 

While his head was still dug into Jungkook’s chest, he felt how his eyes formed tears once again. He felt like he smelt all the mesmerizing things again that was once everyday life. Jungkook smelt like Busan, like his dog “Doraemon” and like all the cherry popsicles they both blissfully devoured. 

He smelt like home. 

Jimin realised how much he missed his hometown. He had the urge to go back and just relive everything with Kookie. 

All these thoughts rushed into his mind, and it made him feel hopeful for the future. 

He looked up to the black haired boy who was still snickering cutely, and Jimin had the urge to poke his cheeks. He was so adorable, the way he smiled, had the same impact on him like a single shot of soju. It loosened his nerves and he felt like he wasn’t as tense anymore. 

He had a feeling that he could fight every problem that would come to tackle him, eye to eye. 

“Do you want to stay overnight?" 

Jimin silently asked. Wishing he would accept his offer. 

Jungkook hugged him even tighter, as if Jimin would run away from him, if he said no. "I wish I could say yes… But I can’t. Not today." 

Jimin nodded, while poking his nose against the younger’s hard chest. "I cannot wait till you can." 

*

The light of the sun was shining through the thin curtain. Sun rays tickling the blonde’s face, waking him up softly. 

Jimin was confused. It was already morning? He would normally wake up in between his restless sleep, sometimes he would even lay in bed and stop wishing for sleep. Just accepting that he won’t sleep. 

His dear old friend insomnia. 

However, yesterday was different. He fell asleep right there, as if somebody were using a remote controlling him. Pushing the "off” button. 

It felt like weeks where Jimin was last sleeping peacefully. It was a relieving feeling. No headache was awaiting him, or the urge to chug down  5 cups of coffee to get through the day. 

Of course his problems were still awaiting him nonetheless. Yet the anxiety… was on a way lower level. He felt like he could easily confront his frustration as well as his insecurities. 

He was hopeful. 

And just as that, he realised how much time he actually had left. Enough to take a longer shower, and even enough to eat a little breakfast. 

Normally “breakfast” wasn’t included in his life. Time was always running, and he rarely had time to dress up. 

Today was an exception whatsoever.

While making him a little breakfast that included coffee, eggs some tomatoes and bread his phone vibrated quite aggressively on the kitchen counter. 

Quickly, he grabbed his phone, at the same time also trying to manage his eggs who were really close to burning. 

“Jimin-ssi, did you sleep well? I want to see you. Let’s meet up shouldn’t we? I will be there next to you sooner or later. Wait for me. I want to surprise you.”

P.S: Also here is a little something for you :3" 

Jungkook always drew little sketches back then in Busan, and would deliver it to Jimin in all different ways. It was a cute habit, and Jimin was sure he still had the sketches somewhere in a box. 

The sketch that Kook drew this time, involved someone who seemed to smile shyly. His cheeks were all smudgy, probably on purpose to give it a cute look. The eyes of that person were covered by someone else’s hands. Who that person was, is not known. You couldn’t really see the body of that person, just the hands that were caressing the smiling person’s eyes. 

The person was no one other than Jimin himself. 

He was awed by how good Jungkook’s sketch looked. It was drawn quickly, but he seemed to work on the details after the first outline. Like the smudged grey pencil stains on the cheek, or the shadows that he must’ve drawn quickly afterwards. 

It made him feel cherished. 

Jungkook took the time out of his own busy life to draw this little painting of them, and it made him fall even more in love with him.

* “Damn, Jimin is everything alright?” Jin went through Jimin’s blonde hair, then caressing his forehead checking as if he had high temperature. In return he rolled his eyes trying to push Jin’s hands away. “He seems so cheerful and motivated today? He even contributed to Ms. Hwang’s class… Puhhh..!” Jess dropped her backpack on the table and continued to rub her temples. Ms. Hwang was an old grumpy lady who wasn’t born to teach at all. There was no respect to her students whatsoever and anything that she liked, was mostly the same opinion she had, or people who just kissed her ass for the sweet extra credit. A horrible prof, how it should be presented in the dictionary. “I don’t know. It’s just nice. I feel like things are getting better for me… I don’t know..?” One by one, everyone started to take a seat. As if they telepathically saw Jimin with good mood, and couldn’t believe it. “So how is Jungkook?” Yoongi asked, quite interested. That was completely shocking to anyone who sat at the table, they looked at him as if they were worried. “You really care?” Jimin asked, once again avoiding eye contact. “Yup. I wouldn’t ask, if I didn’t care.” He grabbed an apple and bit into it, directly looking at the younger boy. “He is absolutely amazing." 

* After spending some quality time with his friends, he was preparing himself to go back to work. Normally Taehyung would join him, just keeping an eye on him and spending some alone time with his friend. Today however, Jimin told him that it was fine. That he did not need to come along with him. Jimin always felt bad for needing Taehyung in such an excessive manner. His best friend had a girlfriend and he should spend some quality time with her too. They both were heavily interested in art, therefore Jimin gave them two tickets for a well-known atelier opening that one of his classmates gifted him. Jimin helped that particular classmate out with a literature exam once, so he wanted to thank him in return with them. They both deserved it. They were always there for him, now it was time for Jimin to give back. As soon as he started his work, he became even more relaxed than he already was. He wished that this feeling… Being hopeful about the future… would eventually stay. Jungkook was also a big part of it, it felt like he showed him all the good parts of life, and he welcomed that. One by one all the known customers were starting to give their order. Normally, there wouldn’t be that many new customers, the cafe was near college and it was mostly either college kids who want to work peacefully or the elderly who want to kill time. All in all, pretty peaceful. Today, however, there was someone wanting to take an order that Jimin never met before. He tried to remember but there was no way that he knew that person. That specific person was wearing glasses and a bucket hat, wearing completely black. After working on that order and putting it onto the glass counter in front of that unknown person, he heard a familiar giggle. Jeon Jungkook. Of course. "Oh my god. What are you doing here? Isn’t that a bit too risky?!” Jimin whispered while nervously taking the money from Kook. “That’s all fine. People rarely look at me, when I come with this attire.” He responded while showing off his clothes. Jimin couldn’t contain a snicker. 

What a stupid idiot he was…

“Is that what you meant with 'surprise’?" 

"No, my surprise is actually a picnic in Han river. I wanted to see you. That’s all.” The blonde couldn’t stop himself from putting his hand on his chest. His heart pounded loudly, and this time it didn’t come from panicking. “When?" 

"Whenever. I don’t have any schedules today and tomorrow. I just had a comeback a few weeks ago. It was simple, so the promotions aren’t that long. My company is also pretty nice and let me take some days off.” Jungkook took his food, without even looking back and waiting for an answer, he quickly sat down on the next best table. Of course it was a table that was right next to Jimin.  The blonde rolled his eyes, yet wholeheartedly accepting the risk that they both put themselves into. He trusted Jungkook, and he felt happy to be next to him. 

*

Looking at the old clock right next to his working space, he realised that his shift was ending sooner than he expected. “Ready to go to the picnic?” He asked Kook who was still managing to look like he was reading. “Finished already?” He quickly put down his book, his grimace looking like he was so disappointed that he needed to stop reading. “Do you know that you are an idiot?” Jimin responded with a slightly rougher tone. Jungkook smiled while taking off his sunglasses, even though he still wore a mask, Jimin could see the skin next to his eyes wrinkling. Without a proper response, he gently grabbed Jimin’s hands and put back his sunglasses on. And like that both left the establishment, making the customers question themselves who that good-looking man was, who has Jimin wrapped around his little finger. * “Ughh, I’m so full…” Jimin stroked his stomach, while looking at the leftover food. It was nearing the end of the day, and he realised how today felt like a quick catch of breath. The whole time, they were spending together, seemed to be packed in indulging their childhood and missing the time where they couldn’t be one. “Really? Already? You were always a bad eater..!” Jungkook responded while quickly grabbing the leftover spring rolls and tteokbokki. “It’s so good to dib it into the sauce, ahh you’re missing out.” “I really did.” Jimin said to himself while looking at the hungry Jungkook devouring the last bit of food. He closed his eyes and felt how fresh the wind was feeling on his skin. The night was still young, but he already felt how tired he actually was. This day was an improvement to the last couple of weeks. But he knew that he needed to improve more; to be the person he always yearned to be. For some it might feel far-fetched to say that Jungkook was the reason why Jimin felt better. And maybe it even was. Nevertheless, wasn’t it normal when specific people in your life made you feel better about yourself? Wasn’t it the case in a healthy relationship ? “Thank you, Jungkookie.” The black-haired boy was looking up from his food, midst slurping his noodles. Tilting his head like a confused puppy. Jimin caressed the crumbles on the corner of his lips away, and locked eyes with his lover. Jungkook quickly finished his noodles, before coming closer to the blonde. Jimin took this as a chance to grab Kook’s chin to face him again. And there it was. The soft shy smile the younger, once gifted him. Right there at that moment, Jimin knew what he wanted. “I love you.” It was as simple as that. Jimin pecked Jungkook’s lips softly, tasting like all the sweet promises they gave each other. “I thought you would never say that.” Jungkook replied while kissing him right back. A bit rougher, but still soft enough. Without them even realising it, the sun went down, both of them finally admitting their deep-rooted history. Waiting for such a long time, made the kiss even sweeter, Jimin thought to himself. Sometimes you find people in a state of life, when you need them the most. And sometimes the people who were once your hope, come back and decide to stay all over again. They both kissed for such a long time that Jimin didn’t notice how his phone was vibrating aggressively on the blanket underneath them. Until finally Jungkook let go of the kiss, smiling shyly while pointing at the phone that was still annoying the peaceful state they were in. “You wanna take it?” “Ughhh.. who is the cockblocker, do I need to kill him…” Jimin whispered more to himself, while grabbing his phone and checking the messages. “Ah fuck, I completely forgot..” Jimin stood up quickly, searching for his keys and bag. While Jungkook was still sitting on the blanket, cross-legged, patiently waiting for him to give a proper response. “My friends have that night where we all meet up at our favorite bar to drink and eat while talking about all the shit we went through. We mostly do that once in a month.” Jungkook raised his eyebrows, still looking at the confused and panicking Jimin. “It’s okay, if you need to go. I’ll clean this up and we meet up tomorrow?” Jimin laughed, acting like it was the dumbest idea he heard. “No, no, no. Sir! You are coming with me. You will meet them!” Jungkook quickly stood up from the blanket and looked at him all shocked. His doe-like eyes widened. “Already?” Jimin nodded, quickly cleaning their little spot and putting the plastic into the next close trash can. “They will love you! They are a bit chaotic but that’s actually endearing, trust me!” He grabbed Jungkook’s hand and dragged him with him. This is going to be an interesting night, that’s for sure…

*

The club where they meet up once in a month was the city’s hottest place. Every college kid wanted to spend their Friday nights there, it was heavily crowded, therefore you mostly needed to reserve a table beforehand. That job was actually Jin’s, but he usually forgets, so thus Joon took over. Whenever a month was coming to an end, they all meet up, talk about their experiences and drown their worries with alcohol. It was a tradition all of them enjoyed. And Jimin knew that they all wanted to get to know Jungkook, so why not now? “Ah, I heard of this place.” Jungkook screamed, now wearing his whole attire again, hoping to prevent any potential fans catching him. He hoped he could get a glimpse of Jimin’s friend group, who told him a lot of things about them but it was so crowded that it was extremely hard. “They are all up there, we have an own lounge. So you don’t need to wear all of this!” Jimin screamed back, the music was too loud down there and he was happy when he could meet his friends soon. The younger was obedient and let himself drag around the club, while looking at all the different things that were happening. Jimin couldn’t contain a smile, Jungkook was so precious. “Guys! HEY!” Jimin first saw Yoongi, then Hoseok then all the others. They were all dressed fancily, and Jimin quickly felt like he was way underdressed. “Oh, hey guys!” Hoseok catched that both of the boys were still holding hands, and quickly smiled brightly. “You need to be Jungkook?” Jimin saw his look so he quickly let go, feeling embarrassed. His face rapidly getting tomato red. Jungkook quickly took off his mask, bucket hat and glasses with one hand, while the other was still shamelessly taking a hold onto Jimin’s waist. Which made Jimin blush even more. “Yes, I am. Hello!” He bowed, and went back into holding Jimin’s waist. The others were all smiling brightly, indeed happy about the outcome of Jimin’s known backstory with him. “Take a seat. You are the youngest, so you don’t need to buy anything!” Jin quickly chimed in, while pointing at the free seats next to Taehyung and Jess who were both laughing uncontrollably. Gosh how he hated his best friends sometimes. “So you are Jimin’s boyfriend?” Yoongi dropped the bomb as soon as they were taking a seat and Jimin wished he didn’t choose to come. It must’ve been so uncomfortable to Jungkook. 

Because it sure as hell was for him. Besides, both of them didn’t really talk about being officially together, what made the situation way more awkward. “Yes. I am. As long as Jimin is content with that decision?” He quickly looked at Jimin who was shocked. Here was dominant boyfriend Jungkook again. Jimin felt how his cheeks were burning. He just nodded. Not knowing how else to reply with. The black-haired boy was now freely putting his arm around his now “boyfriend”. It felt surreal to be called that way. And even though it wasn’t really romantic how he asked him, it still felt amazing that he did it in front of his friends. The closest people to him. He wasn’t even doubting this question one bit. “Ah okay. That’s nice to hear.” Yoongi responded softly, while still keeping his eyes on Jungkook. He was protective of Jimin, everybody knew that. However, something about Yoongi looking at Jungkook that way, made everyone accept Jungkook even more: Yoongi smiled. He smiled while looking at the youngest of the batch, accepting it fully. As long as Yoongi was accepting of someone, everybody else in their group of friends trusted that person as well. 

Kind of like the mom of group. The couple of hours they all spent together was magical. It felt like Jungkook always was a part of the group, his humor was the same kind as that from the group and even Taehyung was happily accepting him as a member of their little squad. Jimin and Jungkook were also the only ones who denied any alcohol. They both were already intoxicated of this beautiful relaxing night, that they didn’t need any of it. Who thought it could be that easy? Jimin definitely didn’t. A couple of weeks ago, he wouldn’t have thought in a million dreams that Jungkook would sit right next to him, an arm around him, kissing him and asking him if he was alright, while all of his friends were present. It was like a fever dream. Just entirely positive. “I think it’s time for us to go. Thank you guys for today.” Jimin openly said to the little group, some already highly drunk while others were nodding happily back. He waved them all goodbye and before he could leave for good, along with Jungkook, there was a hand on his shoulder making him stop. “Hey, wait a minute.” It was Taehyung. “I just wanted to say how happy I am, that you guys met up again. There is nothing as precious as loving and being loved. But never forget…!” His gaze now hit Jungkook, who was severly confused. “If you ever manage to hurt my baby boy here…!” Taehyung, heavily tipsy, laid his head on Jimin’s shoulder, while pointing at Jungkook. Giving him a clear warning. Of course this was absolutely cute and of course no bad feelings were intended. It made the couple chuckle and they both gave him a goodbye hug before they left. On their way to Jimin’s apartment, hand in hand, the older realised what actually happened today. Also in what kind of head space he also was. It wasn’t perfect, here and there he still tried to control his anxiety but he felt better, he felt hopeful. They both talked for a while, after arriving at Jimin’s little home and continued to giggle about the response Jimin’s friends gave them. The butterflies that once annoyed Jimin when he thought of Jungkook, were now fluttering inside his stomach again. Now, however, he was accepting it. Completely intoxicated by love, for once he welcomed the future that was awaiting him. * The next morning started like the day before. The sunlight was dancing once again on Jimin’s face, welcoming him for today. He opened his eyes, trying to cover his eyes with his small little hand. Next to him, his boyfriend. Still sleeping peacefully, eyes twitching here and there. “Kook-ah..” Jimin softly whispered while kissing him all over his face. Covering him, with tiny little smooches. 

“Hmmm..”

There was not really a response, but Jimin smiled whatsoever. He loved sleepy Kookie. He was even more adorable in this state.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” He said like a mantra, finally making Kook respond with the biggest smile. “Say it once more!” Jimin shook his head, acting like he was angry, ready to jump off the bed. “Hey, say it again..!” Kook quickly grabbed Jimin by his waist dragging him back to bed, kissing him directly on the lips. “You are the only one that tastes still so sweet in the morning, how are you doing that?” Jimin chuckled while kissing him right back.

There are so many obstacles that are awaiting me…

The anxiety will maybe never leave me…

And the uncertain feelings about the future will probably continue to haunt me…

I have a long way to go… But with you it seems like a quick walk to the store…

[addictofsupernatural]

OHSHC Rewrite: Episode 3b

Beware of the Physical Exams!

Host Club x reader

Summary: When the hosts convince y/n to get help, she finds trouble instead.

Word Count: 5.4k

Episode Masterlist

"Y/n, we've come here today to talk about a problem regarding you."

You looked around nervously, and began your verbal diarrhea. "Okay, um, first of all, I want to say I'm sorry. I know it's our number one priority to make the clients happy, and I was side tracked, and that's on me. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have been unprofessional with Alarico and that's super my fault. I know I need to get 100 guests and I'm only at 39 but I can do better, and again I'm really sorry for everything about yesterday, and—"

"Y/n," Kyoya cut you off. "This has nothing to do with your quota, or Alarico Gonzalez's behavior."

"Oh." You said dumbly.

"This is about your anxiety attack."

"Oh." You grumbled, though you quickly regained your composure. "I'm sorry you had to see that senpai."

"It was no trouble, and I've read that they can be very sudden and frightening to those who get them." He stated.

"We're really worried." Hikaru said.

"Yeah," Kaoru agreed. "When Kyoya told us, we had no idea how to help."

"You have to take care of yourself y/n-chan." Honey clutched usa-chan.

"Yeah." Mori said.

"That is why," Tamaki said, pointing to you. "We've decided to set up an appointment with the school therapist today!"

"Woah, let's not take it that far. I'm okay guys, really."

"You didn't look okay when you had trouble breathing yesterday." Kyoya stated.

"That was just a little hiccup!" You explained. "Things happen. I'm okay now, which is more important, right?"

Tamaki stepped up to you. "You're going to therapy, and that's final!"

"No." You said forcefully. This struck his feelings, and he sulked in the corner. You sighed. "I'm sorry I worried you all, and I'll be careful next time. I don't want to waste time and cut any classes so a therapist can tell me depressing things. I just want to forget about sad stuff here."

You gave them a smile. "Well, she seems unmotivated." Hikaru stated.

"But how are we going to get her to agree?" Kaoru asked.

Mori then thought of something. "Squishy ice cream."

That struck a nerve. You gasped and carefully looked at them, and Tamaki then got up. "That's right~ You were so busy last episode that you never got to try any, did you~?"

"Did you hear that?" Hikaru whispered mockingly. "She's never even tried squishy ice cream before. Isn't that sad?"

"Talk about a tragedy." Kaoru whispered back.

You nervously laughed. "C'mon guys, you don't really think of me as such glutton because I'm poor and never had it that I'd force myself to go to some therapy for some ice cream would you?" You kept nervously laughing, and everybody else smiled at you. You then quietly asked, "What time is the appointment?"

"We knew it." The twins said.

You scoffed and smiled. "You guys are something else. Why do you even care about this?"

"Don't refer to yourself as this!" Tamaki exclaimed. "If you need anything, know that I'm always here for you."

"You mean all of us are here for her?" Hikaru asked.

"As I said before, you are all the homosexual supporting cast!"

You let out an involuntary laugh. "Really senpai? Supporting cast?" You asked, walking over to them. "That's a little self absorbed of you." You then thought of something. "Can you guys do me a little favor though? Let's keep the therapy sessions to ourselves. My clients get worried easily and I feel weird when they get curious and ask me about my issues."

"Well, your appointment is right after the physical exams," Kyoya explained. "So that might be an issue."

"Alright then," Tamaki announced. "Gentlemen, it's time to enact The Keep Y/n's Secret Safe Plan!"

Later that day you walked with the twins to the physical exam, though the line was going to be too long to not miss your therapy session. When you went in there, your mouth hung open. "What the hell is this?!"

"It's just a regular physical exam." Hikaru said.

"I've seen malls smaller than this." You whisper shouted, speed walking to hold each twin by the arm, timidly looking at all the people and fancy stations. "This is so out of place for me. I feel so awkward."

They paid no mind to you gripping onto them, or at least tried not to. "Seriously y/n, you need to stop being amazed and scared at everything here." Kaoru said.

"I was amazed and scared of the host club when I walked in. Look at us now." You offered. Neither of them said anything but looked down at you. You then saw Mori and Honey dressed up in doctor attire. "Wait, what?" They put their fingers over their mouths shush you. "So obvious." You muttered.

"I have those two for back up in case this plan doesn't execute properly." Kyoya came out and explained.

"Why are they in doctor uniforms?"

"It helps set the mood." He pushed up his glasses. "Disguises make our mission feel like a real espionage."

You watched the doctor encourage a girl as three other nurses clapped for her. "This is weird." You said. "All the staff here are actually nice."

"Of course." Kyoya said. "All staff is chosen by the chairman. It is a school, but it's also a business. He wants the students to be happy, and most students here already have their own doctors for their families. So this, is just a formality."

You quietly scoffed and shrugged, shaking your head. You and the twins kept walking when someone bumped into Kyoya, and Kyoya's gaze lingered on him.

"Huh." The twins then began taking off their shirts to do their exams, and girls started squealing. "See now?" Kyoya asked. "Physical exam day is quite popular with the ladies."

"Hm. My physical exams in y/c had us also do exercise. Everybody was rude and just wanted to get everything over with, and that makes more sense than this." You then shook your head. "But girls here would probably still be squealing for that too because sweat is apparently attractive too."

The twins were being themselves and girls continued squealing. Mori and Honey took this as an opportunity to push you into a corner nobody was in. Tamaki then caught you from behind. "I've been waiting for you princess." He said in your ear.

"Tamaki senpai?" You turned your head.

He giggled in your ear. "You're so cute when you're surprised." He then stepped back. "This is it, the inevitable moment."

"What are you gonna do?"

He shushes you with his finger. "Don't worry, I'll protect you." You felt your cheeks tingle. That was until he put on a wig and stepped into the exams area. "I am ready to take the exams." He announced in his best impression of your voice.

"Hey, is Tamaki trying to dress as a girl?" One girl asked.

Tamaki was shocked, as if he didn't realize people would notice. The twins then bursted out laughing. "He actually did it!" Hikaru laughed out.

"I can't believe he didn't know that wouldn't work!"

Tamaki blushed and angrily grabbed Hikaru. "Why didn't you tell me it wouldn't work?!"

"It's payback for calling us homosexual supporting cast!" He laughed out.

Tamaki looked over at you shyly with big sad eyes. "Um, listen y/n," he timidly said.

"Did you really think that would work?" You asked, and your tone showed that it was a genuine question. He said nothing but pouted, causing you to glare at him. "Big words senpai. Small execution."

"Come this way y/n," Kyoya said. "There's a private room waiting for you."

"Senpai, you look like your enjoying this." You smiled at him. Tamaki dropped to his knees in the background.

Kyoya was smiling as well. "Well, I did need to get my revenge too. I don't appreciate being called supporting cast, homosexual or otherwise."

You both walked away as Tamaki weakly reached for you while fading away. You then went into a room with a female nurse. "Good morning Miss Y/l/n. It's a pleasure to meet you. I've been informed of your circumstances, so we can hurry along this process."

"Thank you ma'am."

"Of course. Step right this way please. You can undress in there." You nodded and stepped inside the dressing area.

The boys were listening to this girl cry about a doctor who supposedly made a pass at her. "I've never been so terrified." She cried.

"How scary!"

"Do you think he was a pervert?" This girls were huddled around her for comfort.

"I had a feeling this might happen." Kyoya thought out loud. "Earlier today I saw a strange man in a white lab coat, though clearly not one of our doctors.

"Shouldn't you have said something sooner?" The twins asked in an annoyed manner.

"I'm sure it's no big deal. I'm sure the security guard will catch him." Kyoya offered.

They still listened to the group in the back. "Tell me," said a doctor. "Did you see where this man went?"

"Yes sir, he was headed towards the private clinic down the hall." The boys were all silent as they realized that he was going to your room.

You had just unbuttoned your shirt, leaving you in your bra. You were about to take off your pants when a man went into your changing room and was peaking outside. It was almost like he didn't see you. "W–um, excuse me, but—"

He rushed over to you and covered your mouth with his hand. "No, it's not what you think. Please just be quiet."

"Y/n!" You both turned to see Tamaki in the air. "Tama-chan~ kick!" He kicked the man in the face and sent him flying into the wall. Tamaki then spun in the air a few times before coming down to the ground.

The twins then appeared. "One. Good looks that attract the public eye."

Kyoya then stepped out of the shadows. "Two. More wealth than you can imagine."

Mori then spoke up. "Three. Chivalry that will never be able to overlook,"

"The hideous wickedness of this world." Honey finished.

As you hugged yourself Tamaki gently placed his own shirt over you. "That's what make up the Ouran Host Club!"

They posed, with an exception of Mori and Kyoya, saying, "We're here, watch out!"

"Please don't hurt me! Spare me my life!" He bowed as you buttoned up Tamaki's shirt. He then got back up. "I run a small medical clinic in the next town over."

You were taken aback by the sudden fact. You looked at Honey, whispering, "Why is he telling us his life story?"

Honey shrugged, and you all listened. "My name is Yabu." You suppressed your laughter, since Yabu is another word for quack doctor. "You see, I came to find my daughter. My wife left me a month ago and took my daughter with her! I know that my daughter goes here."

You sat down to be at the same eye level with him. "Well now that I'm invested into the story, I gotta ask. What happened to make them leave?"

He explained that he kept giving people money and they don't usually pay them back. The latest time was the last straw, and they both left. "I can never say no to anyone. I don't blame them for not wanting to constantly live in debt. But I wanted to see my daughter one last time, so I wandered through the streets and was pounded by rain until I came here. But once I entered I was mistaken for a doctor, here to examine students!"

You smiled. "You mean they mistook the guy wearing a lab coat as a doctor? That's... wow."

"And then it happened," He ignored you. He then explained how he asked a girl for directions and she ran away screaming. "And before I knew it, there were all kinds of people chasing me!" He was bursting with tears.

"So tragic!" Tamaki was also crying.

"Pardon me," Kyoya said. "But I think you may have the wrong highschool. Are you looking for Ouran Public Highschool?"

"Yeah?" He stopped crying and looked up.

"I figured that might be the case. This is Ouran Academy, private institution. Your daughter doesn't go to school here."

He looked shocked, and the twins began to voice their opinions. "Man, you don't even know where your daughter goes to school? That's pretty sad." Hikaru said.

"Yeah, I bet your relationship's messed up because you don't pay attention to them, not because of some stupid debt."

"Wow Kyo-chan, you figured that out pretty quickly." Honey congratulated him.

"Well, the daughter of such a small business man could never afford to go here." You scrunched up your nose I'm response.

"Kyoya," Tamaki said. "Could you make a map of the public schools in this area? I'd like to help this man."

Kyoya looked surprised for a second, but smiled and regained his composure. "Whatever you say."

As the man got up you stepped in front of him. "If you'll allow me to give some advice." He nodded. "If you get there and school is still in session, don't just go in. Wait until she's finished with school, or else you're gonna look like a creep and she'll be too angry and embarrassed to talk." He said nothing and nodded, bowing. He left soon after, and you were all still in the private room. "Well, sorry to do this, but can you guys please leave now?"

Everybody looked surprised. "Y/n, are you still angry with me?" Tamaki said. "You're not going to quit the host club are you?"

You turned to him and smiled, patting his shoulder. "Don't be silly senpai. I need to get to that stupid therapy sesh and you need to put on a shirt. I just gotta take the physical exams and I'll give it back to you." You then turned around and smiled. "Let's get this straight though. I'm not doing it for some food, I'm doing it for my debt."

You giggled, and Tamaki smothered you with a hug. "I can see right through you! I know you're doing it for some squishy ice cream!"

He was smothering too much. "Okay, stop it! The shirt's riding up!"

"Red card!" The twins said in unison. They then dragged Tamaki out and everyone else followed.

You finished your exam fairly quickly and was guided by your nurse to the room of your therapist. "Good morning." She grinned. "Please sit anywhere you'd like."

You had decided right then and there that this was going to suck. There was fancy decor and expensive looking items. There was a nice looking couch and even nicer looking chairs. She had a desk that looked like it costed way too much, and she wore expensive clothing. This was all too much. You didn't belong in this room.

You silently sat on the couch. "I hope you feel your most comfortable self with me, so we can talk about anything you want." Her grin was still on and her tone was still chirpy. You said nothing. "Do you want to begin the conversation?"

You hesitated before speaking up. "May I ask about your background?"

"My background? Well that's an incredibly boring subject, but go ahead! Let's not have any secrets between each other, okay?"

You were silent for a moment again. "How were you brought up? Was it surrounded by things like this?"

You didn't try to smile. You didn't want to be here. There wasn't anything wrong with you, so there wasn't a reason to be here. Besides, this room itself was giving you anxiety. "Things like this? Well, I'm not really the materialistic person, but if you're asking me if I was born into a wealthy family that helped paved the way to my position, then yes. I was born into this."

Her smile never faltered, and you didn't like it. You didn't like the feeling of any of this. Exposed, you felt so exposed. It made you put your head down in shame. "Then don't you think you're a little overqualified to be talking to me right now?"

She was taken aback, but began writing in her notebook. She slightly nodded to it, as if she had decided something. "My, is that what you think?"

What the hell would she even write from that? That you have self esteem issues? That you're self conscious about yourself here? You deserved so much squishy icecream for this. You only shrugged.

"You don't seem very relaxed right now. Maybe we could talk about why that is." You shrugged again. Her smile almost left her face, but she hung onto it. "We can't make any progress if you we don't put in effort dear."

You sucked up your annoyance and smiled, bringing your head up. "If you want me to be happy about this, you could've just said so. And the reason why I'm uncomfortable is because this room is making me uncomfortable."

She then wrote in her notebook again. "I see. Is it the atmosphere? We can go outside to the garden if it makes you feel any better."

"Is this session a one time thing?"

She chuckled. "That's not how progress works."

"Then we can stay in here so I could get used to this feeling."

It was like she cornered you. She knew exactly where to strike. "Do you always feel like you need to comply to things? Like you have to be the one to adjust?"

You frowned. "Where did that come from?"

"Please answer the question dear."

"I don't know, I guess. I have to though. It's not like everybody else has to change their viewpoints to accommodate only me."

"Do those viewpoints make you upset?"

"No."

"I'd appreciate if didn't lie to me."

She seemed to have every one of your moves calculated. She suddenly knew how to outsmart you. "Sometimes, I guess. I don't know. They'll say a comment or two about how different commoners are to normal rich people. It's weird. I never considered myself normal, but I'm different for another reason here than before."

You wanted to slap yourself for saying that. She only wrote in her notebook again. "How were you different before?"

"It just sometimes felt like us against the world. The four of us were unbreakable and we didn't care that it was that way. I felt proud to be looked down on, in this weird way, because my friends were down there with me laughing at everyone else."

"And now?"

"Now I'm down there alone. Everybody looks down on me, but there's no one else to share that with. It just sucks sometimes."

"You have two separate friend groups that you mention. Do you feel differently towards the one back in y/c than here?"

"I never felt ashamed with my y/c friends, I guess. I don't know. They knew everything about me, and they still loved me for it. Maybe I feel like my friends here will just pity me if I open up more?" You brought your knees up and buried your face in between them. "Ugh, no offense doctor, but this sucks butt. I thought this was supposed to help me with my anxiety."

"And you don't feel anxiety when thinking about your new friends finding things out about you?"

You couldn't help but let out a laugh and fall to lay of the couch. "Damn it, you're actually pretty good."

"People can be more complex than you might think. Just as you feel like they won't understand you because of your background, you aren't giving them a chance because of their background." You looked up at her. She was still smiling.

You chuckled. "You really do suck." You then sat up straight. "Hey, how are other people like with your sneaky forwardness?"

She waved off the question. "Oh, I'm usually not like this at all. I normally have to go through this journey with them until they figure it out on their own. I figured you weren't like that and would prefer someone who wouldn't baby you. It's actually quite nice to get straight forward answers back."

You genuinely smiled. "I'm sorry doctor, I think I underestimated you."

She had a different smile on this time. "Hm. Tell me something that your new friends don't know about you."

"That's kinda hard. One of them ran a background check on me."

She chose not to push her luck and not ask about that. "Well, it can be a small fact."

You let out a sigh and looked down again. "I mean, I was at the store the other day and bought them all keychains. Once I brought them to school I realized how worthless this would be to them. So I just kept them.

"Pushing for a better relationship with your friends will maybe let them push with you. They might like the gifts. You don't know until you try it."

"Thanks doctor." You smiled at her.

"One last question, how did you act with your old friends? Were you touchy feely or more to yourself?"

"Um, touchy feely I guess." You then thought about how you and your friends never really had respect for each other's boundaries, though none of you cared. "Really touchy feely actually."

"Try to work on getting to that level with your new friends." She then checked the time. "Oh, it seems we just ended our session. I'm glad we got this far, and there's so much more to talk about. I'll see you next week."

"Yeah, okay." You smiled and got up.

"Oh, dear,"

You stopped. "Yeah?"

"Why don't you give your old friends a call? You seem like you miss them."

"Okay." You said, chirpy. "Bye!"

You walked back to the physical exam area, and everyone was just about finished. All your friends stared at you as you silently walked over to them. You didn't say anything and looked spaced out.

"Y/n," Tamaki quietly asked. "Are you mad at us for sending you to therapy? You're making a face."

"I'm just thinking senpai." You didn't look at him.

"About quitting the club?!" He grabbed you by the shoulders.

You gently poked his face and pushed it away with your finger. "About whether or not I should give you guys something." The bell rang and you looked at the twins. "Oh, let's go guys. Bye everyone."

Nobody said anything. You went to your class silently. "Uh, y/n?" Hikaru asked.

"Hm?" You turned to them.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Kaoru asked.

You smiled and hugged them both. "I'm sure."

After school you decided to use your phone and call the one person you know who also has a phone. The other two were also there, and the three were planning to see you as a surprise on Monday. Luckily, Jasmine can't keep a surprise to save her life.

You entered the host club with a big smile, setting down your bag to turn and see all the boys staring at you. "What?" You asked, still smiling. "Oh! The gifts."

"So you actually did get us something?" Kaoru asked.

"Yup." You brought them out of your backpack and walked over to Mori. You handed him a keychain of a small black belt. "I heard someone say you were in kendo, so I thought this would be nice."

He smiled and patted the top of your head. "Thanks."

You excitedly nodded and bent down to Honey, giving him a bunny keychain. "I thought it would kinda remind you of usa-chan if you two were ever apart."

His eyes shown as he held it in his hands. "Cute! Thanks y/n-chan!"

You walked over to the twins, handing them a tweedle dee and tweedle dum keychains. You didn't know how to explain this one, so all you did was nervously chuckle.

"Get it?" They only stared at it and back at you as you awkwardly walked away and went to Kyoya. You gave him a paintbrush keychain. "One of my clients told me you could paint?"

He smiled and took the gift. "Hm. Thank you y/n."

You grinned and walked over to Tamaki. He was like a puppy who was excited to get a treat. You didn't take any notice in the blush on his face, nervous yourself that he'd say something about the piss poor gift. You put a small bear keychain in his hand.

"I know you have a teddy bear like this, and I've seen your dorky led pencil with the bear on it." An arrow went through him. "So I thought this would be a nice addition."

"No offense," Hikaru said, staring at the gift in his hand. Everybody turned their heads to him. "But you know these are kinda useless to us right?"

You frowned, but quickly replaced it with a smile. "Yeah," you nervously chuckled. "I'm sorry. It's stupid, I don't even know why I got them. Sorry." You then quickly began to walk away. "I'm gonna get my stuff set up."

You made some special tea for your first guest since she mentioned last time it was her favorite. While you were doing this, Tamaki stormed over to Hikaru. "What was that about?"

"What?" He shrugged. "It's true. I don't get why everyone's acting like this is some treasure."

Kyoya began writing in his book. "According to my sources, y/n also gave her friends back home keychains. It's a gift that she can afford, but it seems to only be something that she only gives to those she holds dear." They all looked back at Kyoya, who was still writing. "Don't you think it's peculiar that right after she talked to her therapist, y/n said that she felt comfortable giving us each a gift?"

Kaoru didn't know what to say, and Tamaki grabbed Hikaru's shoulder. "Listen to me." He said quietly. "You have to apologize to y/n. She wanted to do something nice for you, and you showed your gratitude like a slap in the face to her."

He looked over to you in an annoyed manner, walking over and tapping your shoulder. You flinched but still mustered up a smile. Before he could say anything, the host doors opened.

He didn't get the chance to say anything for the next three hours, as you were always busy with a new guest. Over the three hours guilt began to plague him. Why was he feeling bad? It was a harmless fact. His chest felt heavy.

Finally when they were all gone, you began cleaning as quickly as possible. He tried to slyly get closer to you, but you noticed and kept moving to a new area quickly. It was annoying him. "Hey," he called out to you in a demanding tone. "Are you mad at me or something?"

You didn't look in his direction, busying yourself with cleaning. "No. Why do you say that?"

"Tch." He didn't have patience for the feelings inside him. "Why are you avoiding me then?!"

You, as well as the other hosts, were surprised by the sudden outburst. You let out a sigh, turning to face him and giving him a smile. "Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry that you had to raise your voice at me."

"Why are you still being nice?" He said in a quiet manner, embarrassed for yelling at you for no important reason. "I just yelled at you."

"Um, I'm sure you're used to having people's full attention." You offered a shrug, your smile still sticking. "People who're raised by hearing a lot of yes's are usually bound to be more demanding. It's only natural, so it's whatever."

"No it's not!" He raised his voice again. "You should be getting mad at others being rude to you. Don't be such a pushover!"

His words stung, and you dropped your smile. "Don't call me that." You said a little forcefully.

"You know what? Next time you go to therapy, work on that!" You didn't say anything and angrily continued cleaning while everybody stared at Hikaru. Tamaki was being held back by Kaoru, while Hikaru was just staring at you. Damnit. This was supposed to be an apology, but he made things worse. "Y/n—"

"No."

Your simple demand got everyone's eyes to you. Kaoru and Tamaki held each other from how scary you looked, while Hikaru stepped a few paces back. After a few seconds he was ready to retaliate with another comment, but before he could he was pulled back by Kaoru.

"Hikaru, try to calm down." Kaoru offered.

This got him angrier. "I don't even need her to forgive me! It's always been me and you, and we never needed anyone else! Why should that change now?"

They both stopped when they noticed you sadly staring at them. You then looked back at your cart full of dishes and rolled it away. When you came back you only saw one twin bashfully staring at you.

"Look y/n, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things, and—"

You began to giggle. "Wow, I never knew people thought of me as so much of an idiot to really not think I can tell some twins apart. Nice try Kaoru." He looked at you, shocked. You kept walking, before stopping to quickly say "I appreciate you trying though."

You walked over to the other twin, who was tied up and squirming under Tamaki's foot. You motioned for Tamaki to back down, which he did as you sat down next to the tied up twin, pulling down the tie over his mouth. "What was that for boss?!"

"If you cannot respect a woman properly, you will have to handled improperly!" You flashed Tamaki a smile for the comment, and he began rolling on the ground and muttering about how cute you are.

You turned to look at Hikaru, who angrily looked away from you. "So, I get it now." You grinned.

"Get what?" He shyly looked over to you.

"Why you're so nonchalant about everybody. It's because you're used to only relying on one person your whole life." He looked at you in awe. You really understood that. "Honestly, it's pretty amazing to look at. I wish I had a life companion like that."

"But don't—"

"Nope, still not gonna talk about that anytime soon. The point is, I get why you weren't concerned about my feelings, and the important thing is that you're thinking about them now...kinda. As long as you're actually sorry then all is good."

He looked away from you and muttered a sorry. You nodded and untied him, standing up to face the others. You let out a sigh and bowed politely. "I sincerely apologize for the unnecessary drama I brought to the club."

You felt a strong hand pull on your arm to lift you back up. You looked up to see Tamaki gently smiling. "Don't think you have to put your head down for us, and stop thinking of yourself as an outlier. We all enjoy your company."

You smiled back, and remembered what your therapist and you talked about. Try to become touchy feely with them. They're all still your friends.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, quietly saying, "Thank you senpai." You pulled back and saw Tamaki as a blushing mess, causing you to quickly yank back. "Sorry! Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have listened to my therapist about being more touchy feely."

"Actually," the twins said as they came to each of your side, back to their flirty selves. "You can do that with us!"

You let out a breathy chuckle. "You guys are so bipolar and I love it." You then walked over the Kyoya. "Are we all still hanging out tomorrow?"

He wrote in his book. "Oh course. Have you decided where we'll go?"

"Yup!" You grinned. "The swap meet!"

"Swap meet?" The twins asked.

"Well, I think you guys call it a flee market here in Japan." You then looked back at the twins. "Call me tomorrow morning so we can pick everyone up and go."

"Roger!" They saluted.

"Wait, y/n," Tamaki said.

"I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable Tamaki-senpai. I'll be less touchy with you from now on."

"Wait y/n! I did like the hug, I promise!" He sobbed.

You giggled. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better. Well, gotta go. Bye guys!" And with that, you left.

"Mama~"

"Is there a problem Tamaki?" Kyoya slyly smiled.

"What if y/n won't hug me anymore?! Who else would she hug?"

"Hm. Well, she could always come to any of the other host members—"

"Are you saying you would let my little girl hug you and smother you with love?!" He barked.

"Hm, if it helps her, then I suppose." Everybody else left Tamaki crying in the music room.

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Author's Note: Well, I don't know about you guys but this chapter felt like hot garbage to me.

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