#i was definitely thinking of barbie dreamhouse when i made this

[fivequartersoftheorange]

Discover unlimited storytelling possibilities with Taynick Dreamhouse®.

WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD - Small parts. Not for children under 3 yrs.

*Furniture and other accessories each sold separately.

[callahanisms]

pink ensembles

pairing: miguel o’hara x gender neutral! reader

word count: 994 words

ao3 link: 💗💗💗

summary: the spider society is holding a very special barbie disco party!! miguel doesn’t have an appropriate outfit. thankfully, you have the perfect solution for your partner. and you’re awesome at dressing people!

for vibes: “dance the night” by dua lipa

notes: there are no detailed descriptions about the ensemble reader is wearing. it’s just something that’s all pink! anyways who’s excited for the barbie movie? i’m seeing it over oppenheimer.

“Wait, you’re not coming?”

“Well I didn’t say that. I said I wouldn’t dress up.”

“That’s as bad as saying you’re not coming! If you’re not going to dress up, why come at all!”

“(Y/N), that’s literally not what I meant.” The man was trying to enjoy his lunch in peace. “If I don’t come, it looks pretty bad. Especially as the person who founded the Spider Society.”

“And I just believe you should look the part.”

Miguel sets his arepa down. “I don’t think you get it. I’m not dressing up because my wardrobe...” He sighs. “You’ve literally been in my wardrobe. You steal my clothes all the time.”

It finally hit you. “Oh. I see. It’s because you lack color in your wardrobe. That’s not a problem!”

“What...What do you mean? I literally don’t have the clothes for it.”

“And I do! I think I have the perfect outfit too. Come on! We’re going back to my place!”

Miguel rushed to finish his lunch and even took the last remaining arepa with him. He’d rather die than let a good arepa go to waste (also because wasting food was something he was taught not to do). The two of you made it back to your place where you revealed your closet. It was definitely a closet from a Barbie dreamhouse playset. Your closet was even color coded and was very satisfying to look at. There were even shades of colors he didn’t think existed. You were going through your pink section, putting different shades of pink against his arm and even looking at the veins of his hand. “Perfect! The ensemble I have in mind is the right pink!” You were giddy about this and pulled out the set.

He wasn’t phased by the outfit but rather that you seemed to have it in his size. “How long have you had this?” He asks.

“For a while. I bought it in hopes of us doing matching outfits one day.”

“How did you get my size?”

“Lyla helped.”

He’s not the slightest bit annoyed. Instead, a small smile crosses his face and he walks over to you, giving you a gentle kiss on your lips. You kiss back and take in his presence. It was always nice to just be with him. “I’ll put this on.”

When Miguel comes out, you almost fell over. Because your partner was just...hot. So, so, so, so hot. The sleeveless top allowed you to see every single fiber of muscle as he moved his arms. His pecs were popping out from the neckline. The flared pants hugged his waist nicely, rising quite high, and framing his butt better than his Spider-suit. The white cowboy hat really topped everything off. But despite the beauty that was your partner in this outfit, you still felt he was missing something. Maybe something around his neck? That would be quite hot. “I look like a vaquero. Except without the equipment.” He says.

“I mean, it is Western inspired. And it was vaqueros that were the base for the Western cowboy.”

“We definitely did it better.” He takes a spin, watching the way the bottom of his pants flared out.

“You have white boots?”

“They’re the most colorful thing in my closet.”

“Great! They’ll go with the outfit. Now, you’re missing something.”

“Am I? I think it looks great.”

“You just need one more bit of pizzazz!” You rub your chin for a bit. “Lyla!”

“Here!” The AI appears besides Miguel’s shoulder. “I knew he would look good.”

“Lyla, do you think you can find the star patterned pink bandana?”

“Oh.” She winces. “It’s not here on this Earth. But it is available in these Earths and at these storefronts, from what I can gather.” Lyla expands the map of the multiverse.

“Well, we can start there. I’ll be back soon Miguel.”

Miguel was...very surprised to see you come back with a ton of scratches and bruises. But you were beaming brightly and judging by the bag in your hand, you had succeeded in your mission. He should’ve figured that you were willing to fight tooth and nail for the last fashion accessory for your partner. After all, what was better than getting to dress him up? “Geez! What happened (Y/N)!” Lyla cleans her glasses to make sure it wasn’t dirt blocking her vision.

“I fought people for it. Turns out everywhere in the multiverse is looking for this? It’s the biggest multiversal fashion trend.” You pull the box out and toss the bag, before removing the top of the box. “It’s like fresh!” You approach your partner with the bandana and he lets you tie it around his neck. When you step back, you feel your eyes water. “It’s perfect!”

“Awww. Should let (Y/N) dress you up more. They know what they’re doing.” Lyla looks at her watch. “Got to go. I’ll catch you two at the party!” The AI disappears.

“Okay now I have to get ready!”

“Take your time cariño.” His voice just purred softly. And you needed to prevent yourself from just melting at the way he spoke to you.

When you came out, your scratches and bruises were gone (mostly). And you had dressed up in your cutest pink ensemble. You looked like a Barbie doll! And honestly, Miguel was feeling like he was just a Ken. He looked nowhere near as good. “I like what you did beneath your eyes.” You had put small stones to complete your makeup look.

“Thank you! I’m happy you like it.”

“I always like what you do.”

“You’re going to make me collapse from how cheesy you are.”

“I’ll just catch you.” Miguel pulls you close to him and presses a gentle kiss on your cheek. He’s careful not to ruin the makeup.

“Shall we get going?”

“I don’t know. How about we just stay here for a little longer? No one arrives to a party on time anyways.”

[aeterna-auroral-avenger]

✍ WIP WEDNESDAY ✍

thanks for the tag @neonshrike I appreciate it :)

no pressure tags: @sobeautifullyobsessed @midnightkens @gender-kenvy @superprofesh and anyone else who wants to show off something they're proud of :)

Here is a snippet from a fic that's been in the works for a while about Ken finally being taken out of his box in the Real World and the events that followed:

This day feels different somehow.  Ken wasn’t sure how exactly, but he could feel it.  Something about Barbie Land felt different.  In fact, everything seemed to be affected by the difference somehow.  The colors were more crisp; the air smelled more fresh; and even Barbie’s casual dismissal of him didn’t sting as much as every other day.  And that was saying something.  “What is it about today?” Then the visions happened, little flashes of light and smiles and little muffled sounds of a voice poking through his thoughts.  That’s when he started to worry.  He’d never experienced anything like that before, and while he never felt a sense of dread or danger from these little visions - in fact he felt excitement and hope from them for some reason - the sudden emergence of them was concerning. He was too afraid to ask because the last thing he wanted was to be labeled defective or broken. But he had to know what this all meant.  And there was only one person who could tell him what it meant.  Probably.  Hopefully.

It took a long time to get to Weird Barbie’s house on the outskirts of Barbie Land, sitting above the rest like a strange guardian overlooking everything.  It especially took so long because he kept weaving in and out and around things to avoid the eyes of others.  Like some Ninja Ken.  Now that would be cool, he thought.  This Ken can sneak around in perfect stealth mode and act all mysterious and cool and have a sword and can protect you from harm. Yeah, he nodded to himself, that would be cooler than the kind of Ken he was now.  Maybe then he would be accepted and appreciated.

Now though, staring at the entrance to Weird Barbie’s house, he felt all…icky in his belly and tight in his chest.  Not because of Weird Barbie!  No, not because of her, but because of this whole situation.  He’s felt the ickiness in his belly before many many times, usually when he could sense Barbie’s tired tone or notice her tight features whenever he’d overstayed his short welcome with her.  But this time the ickiness was stronger than all those other times.

It made Ken want to run and hide.

A giggle echoed in his head accompanied by the sight of two blue-green eyes looking at him.  Dark but warm, like sitting by a fire under the stars.  They’re really pretty.  He’s not sure there’s a color quite like that in Barbie Land.  What does it all mean?

The need to know outweighed the ickiness in his belly, and he climbed up the stairs to Weird Barbie’s door.  Before he could knock on it though, the door swung wide open, startling him a bit.  “Oh! Oh, oh…okay,” he mumbled to himself before tentatively walking inside.  He looked up and around, fascinated by it all.  “So this is what the inside of a Dreamhouse looks like when a party's not going on.”

From somewhen on the second floor, a voice called down to him, “About time you came in!  I was beginning to think someone glued your feet to the ground.”  After Ken checked the bottom of his shoes as a just in case kind of thing, he looked up just in time to see Weird Barbie slide down a pole, which honestly looked really fun.  Until he saw her feet start to slide out once they hit the floor, and she landed in the splits.  That did not really look like fun.  But he would totally deal with the splits all the time if that meant he got to be played with.  Not being played with at all had to be worse than being played with too hard, right?

He took in her appearance as she stood and walked towards him, and he had never seen anything like her up close. It was definitely Weird…but it looked cool in its own way too.  She at least got to see her colors, and man, were they bold.  “I knew it was only a matter of time before you showed up on my doorstep,” she added with a smirk, like she was telling a joke only she would appreciate.

That pulled him out of his thoughts and made him give her a wide-eyed yet confused stare.  “Uh…huh?”

“Never mind your very handsome head, now what can I help you with?”  At his silence, she continued, “You’ve clearly got a problem, and people from down there only come to me if they have some kind of problem they don’t want anyone down there to know about.  It’s okay.  You’re safe here,” she assured him.  “So?”

“So…” he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck.  How was he supposed to explain this without sounding like he should be ostracized because of it?

[toomuchracket]

which of your mattys would you wanna see barbie with???

I can't choose because;

- flatmate matty would just be so sweet and willing to learn and change

- birthday party matty would be great to have an in depth convo and analysis with

- d word matty would not only have a deep convo but would apologise on behalf of all men and insist on reparations (what type of reparations is up to you...)

any, really! i agree with everything you said. i think that in the flatmate universe, it would be you guys when you're older and married with the kids, and you'd take them to see it - you'd all laugh a lot, and matty would probably get really emo about the Difficulties of Womanhood stuff thinking about how it affected you and how it'll likely affect your daughters and how he's going to do (well, continue to do) all he can to minimise the hardships for his three girls. you'd probably look pointedly at him when ken starts playing guitar at barbie, but smiling, and matty would slide down in his seat in embarrassment thinking about all the times he did the same thing to you when you were younger lmfao. as for birthday party matty, he'd be delighted at how well-constructed the film was (ie... postmodern. meta. self-referential. deep. but also fun!), and he would ABSOLUTELY be like "babe! it's you!" about nobel prize in literature barbie and cuddle you when you get all shyly excited about that fact - like you said, he'd discuss it in-depth with you and really take an interest in what you had to say about the film and greta and her work (you're a writer. of course you've made matty watch little women lmao). d word is very similar, again like you said, with the deep chats and interest in the construction of the film - i think you probably make a few jokes to him during the opening dreamhouse montage like "barbie at her very best", and then when ken has his little mojo dojo casa house you and matty turn to each other like "oh, no, THAT'S atvb lmaoooo". on the way home, matty's like "those feelings barbie had in the real world for the first time, and the shit she went through... that wasn't exaggerated, was it?" and you're like "unfortunately not"; matty shakes his head like "i hate that. i'm sorry, sweetheart", and you smile softly at him like "you're fine, matty, you don't have to apologise to me on behalf of all men. besides, i think the film showed that all genders struggle with expectations and roles really well, no?". matty's like "oh, definitely, i appreciated that a lot, but... i would quite like to do something for you to say sorry. as a feminist act lol" - you grin and say "well, in that case... i could do with a back massage", and matty's like "babe that's a treat for me. but whatever you want, you'll get" lmao. basically any matty would be ideal <3

[luminouslumity]

THOUGHTS ON: BARBENHEIMER

Finally got the chance to see both (specifically, Barbie, Oppenheimer, and then Barbie again) and I'm glad I did! Watching them back-to-back was certainly an experience and I'm not even joking when I say they really made me think about life and all that it entails.

As someone who grew up on the old animated Barbie movies, I had a lot of fun watching the new film, especially when it came to all the doll jokes and references had me laughing more than once (Magic Earring Ken, anyone?). Kinda mad they didn't have any references to the animated movies though, or at least none that I'd noticed.

Speaking of Ken, wasn't sure about him being the villain at first, but I can see what they were trying to do and I thought it worked pretty well all things considered, that Kens have just as much of a right to live alongside the Barbies as the Barbies do them and not just in the shadows of each other. If this film is anti anything, I'd say it's anti-Patriarchy as well as anti-Matriarchy. Preachy, sure, but understandable. Really, I'm more annoyed with how this apparently went over so many people's heads even with how blatant it was; seriously, President Barbie even says the message of the film after the Kens fail, so how anyone could've misinterpreted it is beyond me! The only thing that comes to mind is when the Narrator says that the Kens will be treated just as well as women are treated in the real world, and to be fair, that statement alone can be interpreted in a lot of ways depending on certain factors, but I don't know, I feel like that should be a wake-up call more than anything.

Barbie herself was also really interesting, though throughout the film, I found myself wondering if she was meant to be the Original Barbie with an upgraded look or just a random Barbie who's basically just an amalgamation of all the others (like she says, she's what everyone else thinks of when they think of the doll). Either way, this certainly adds a whole new layer to the relationship between her and Ken because keep in mind, when the film says that Ken was created for Barbie, they mean it literally.

Going into a bit of history here, Ken Carson was created in response to the backlash Barbie was facing two years after her own creation for the horrific crime of... *checks notes* being single. Since then, Ken has had a few jobs of his own, but it's still nothing compared to Barbie's—this even becomes a joke in the Life in the Dreamhouse series, where the Ken in that series worships the ground Barbie walks on. Probably literally. This man didn't even get his own car until 2012! Then there was the whole seven-year break-up incident because Ken apparently didn't want to put a ring on it (yeah, Barbie has in-universe lore and it goes hard!) so keeping all this in mind, it's no wonder Ken seems to be as attached to Barbie as he is in the film, all while also struggling with his own identity as an individual.

Yes, I probably am looking too deep into a children's film about dolls coming into the real world. This is my life now.

The Mattel scenes were definitely one of my favorite things about the film, especially with how dedicated the CEO is when it comes to his job and how he genuinely wants what he believes is best for everyone, but my favorite part are definitely the scenes with Ruth, which absolutely had me crying! And hey, glad to see I was at least partially right! She made an appearance, just not in the scene I thought it was going to be (also, apparently the sweet old lady on the bench isn't even Barbara, it's costume designer Ann Roth).

Narrators also tend to be hit-or-miss for me, but I thought it worked really well in this film! I especially loved how self-aware the story is and how if you're going to try and make Barbie look ugly, Margot Robbie isn't the way to go. And the cutaway to Depressed Barbie? Hilarious, but now I low-key want that to be a thing lol! And just the world in general was super fun!

Honestly, if I had any complaints about the film, it would absolutely be the pacing. Sasha in particular seemed largely unnecessary and her turnaround to at least tolerating Barbie happened way too quickly, even if she did only want to help for her mom's sake. It would've been nice if the film had had at least one or two scenes where she realizes that while the Barbie brand has its issues that deserve to be addressed, it's also not as bad as what she'd originally thought it to be. And also, it would've been great to just see more of this world in general; after all, Barbie and Ken only spend time in LA for less than a day, and even then, it's only for a few hours at most.

Basically, I wish the film had been longer, but what we got was still great.

As for Oppenheimer, I never really have much to say about biopics, but I love history in general and am always fascinated when it comes to warfare and all of the ethical questions that come with it. This is also the first Nolan film I've actually watched, so I knew this was going to be an interesting time, at least. Let me start by saying that the special effects with the bomb dropping and tense silence afterwards were beautifully done and I thought the use of black-and-white for some scenes and color for others was a really nice touch too, as well as the fact that the film went beyond just WWII and that we get to see Oppenheimer deal with the guilt he'd faced afterwards. I also always forget that Einstein would've still been alive during the time most of the film takes place, so his appearance was certainly a surprise, but a pleasant one nonetheless. I was also wondering in what context the "I am become Death" line would come up, so the fact that the film actually addresses that it comes from Sanskrit rather than suggesting it originated from Oppenheimer himself was such a great detail! Overall, a great film about a very complicated man!

[twentytanya]

Life in the Dreamhouse | Pimya

Date: 21 April 2023 Featuring: @madmagicmim @exsqueak-me Warnings: More Tanya being a shitty friend

Tanya crashes Pip's party.

TANYA

Yeah, this place looked like a Barbie Nightmare. Tanya actually kind of wished it would be a Barbie Nightmare, with freaky horror movie dolls and fake blood. That would be kind of cool. But nope, it was a shrine to pink frilly nonsense.

Tanya charged in and acted like she was supposed to be there, and while she got some weird looks, no one really questioned it. She was very ready to tell anyone who would listen that she was Rubbish Barbie, thrown in the trash in protest of beauty standards, but nobody was really paying attention.

Lame. Whatever.

Just when she was thinking about leaving, feeling like this actually had been a pretty bad idea, she ran into just the person she had been avoiding. Who had disinvited her (the way Tanya saw it, anyway) from the beginning.

"What are you supposed to be?" Tanya said disdainfully, making a face.

MIM

Mim was having an awesome time! It was hard to snack in a way that didn't smudge her meticulously applied makeup, but she'd gotten a few compliments on it which made it totally worth it. After all, the clothes were simialr enough to her own wardrobe that she'd needed to do something to step it up.

The No Logic debate was coming up soon which she was ready for when she caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye.

Or rather, someone. Someone who should definitely not be there.

"Nice try. What are you doing here?"

TANYA

"No, genuinely, tell me. Are you, like, the prettiest princess in Barbieland or whatever? Or is that a special title that you have to work your way up the ranks to?" Tanya said sarcastically. She was good at being mean— not in that she had the best insults (this was pretty weak, she knew) but in that she had a lot of practice. She hardly even flinched.

Only a little, because Mim was her friend now. Or was supposed to be. Whatever.

MIM

The barb hit home, partially because Mim wasn't expecting it. There'd been a time when she was more guarded around Tanya, but they'd moved past that a long time ago. So what the hell was this? She couldn't seriously be that pissed about the party?

"I can see you're working for the title of Queen Bitch. Seriously, if Pip didn't invite you, you have to go. Although if you're going to be shitty about the literal premise of the party, you should go anyway."

TANYA

Tanya knew she was being a bitch. It was something she did often, a title she wore with pride. But it was different coming from your friend. And it was different when you were actually motivated by feelings and not, like, revenant shit.

"Maybe the premise of the party is shitty. I came here to rescue you before you got fuckin' brainwashed," Tanya spat, which was not true at all. She came here because she was mad at Mim and she couldn't stand the thought of actually doing what Mim said and staying home. Even though she didn't want to be here, either. "Looks like I'm too late."

MIM

She did roll her eyes at that. They did not have the time to get into the whole social history of Barbie right now, especially when that wasn't actually the point.

"It doesn't matter what you think about it, it's not your party. You can go. You should go. And also we're so gonna need to have a talk about boundaries and respect, because this is - shit." Suddenly Pip was there, and Mim felt this weird spike of guilt hit her. This was not what she wanted!

PIP

Holy fuck, was that Tanya?

At first, Pip thought, oh no, it could not be. He hadn't invited Tanya, so why would she be here? But upon staring across the room for that additional second, it became clear that that was exactly who it was. Tanya. At his birthday party.

… so what, did she think just because they had one not awful interaction that she could just invite herself?

He stormed over, clomping in his heels. "Um, hello, sorry, are you lost?" Pip said, with a fake smile and murder in his eyes.

TANYA

Tanya's face burned. She was starting to realize that she really shouldn't have shown up here. And for all the moral high ground she believed she had about Barbie, a little voice in the back of Tanya's mind was telling her that she'd done the wrong thing. And she was not being a good friend.

But she couldn't slink away with her tail between her legs like she felt like doing. Her pride wouldn't let her. She stuck her chin out and scowled. "No, I know exactly where I am," she replied. "Don't you have a cult to lead?"

PIP

Pip didn't even blink at the comment. Maybe a year ago he'd let Tanya get under his skin but-- okay, technically she was under his skin by even being here. But since he was already pissed off, why not let his anger fuel him?

"Why, you looking to join?" Pip shot back, still smiling his best Regina George smile. "Unfortunately, you're not even good enough to past the screening test. Bummer! Maybe next time."

MIM

Oh Mim definitely hated this!! The thing was, normally she liked a lot of Tanya's antics. She liked the crazy pranks and the way she bent the rules and the way she didn't seem to care about anything. But this wasn't that. And the fact that she was here, clearly pissing off Pip and ruining the vibe felt like it was kind of her fault.

"I'm sorry Pip. I didn't realize Tanya and I were apparently at the stage of 'lying so I could do something that didn't involve her' but hey, you live and you learn."

TANYA

Mim did shit that didn't involve her all the time, Tanya wanted to argue, and Tanya didn't care. That wasn't what this was about. But what it was about— Tanya's bruised pride, her feelings of superiority (and maybe some jealousy) toward Pip, her insecurity that Mim was hanging out with people who might not like Tanya— she couldn't say that.

"You don't need to lie. See if I give a shit," Tanya laughed hollowly. "I only came to see what the fuck this even was. Turns out it's exactly what I expected. A vapid shrine to capitalism and misogyny."

PIP

"Oh my god, Tanya, so smart, where'd you come up with that? 1999?" Pip shot back. He shouldn't even be arguing, but god, her fucking pretentious ass was so full of it. Clearly she had come to his party just to ruin it. "Get with the times. Barbie is a feminist icon, literally ask any gender critic from the past ten years."

MIM

Mim couldn't figure out what bug was in Tanya's system this time around, but she could feel the way people were turning to look at all of them and starting to whisper to each other. "Literally, what is the point of this? You came, you saw, you said your shitty opinion, you live in a world where you feel like you conquered?"

TANYA

No, she didn't. And she wasn't going to win. What had her goal been, anyway? To show them all how dumb they looked? Well, now Tanya felt like she was the one who looked dumb. And she was ruining one of the only real friendships she had.

She could feel something tightening in her throat, heat rising up her cheeks, tears smarting behind her eyes. She had to go. Now.

"Yeah, I think I have seen enough. Enjoy your stupid cult," Tanya scoffed, and stormed toward the door before anyone could see the look on her face.

PIP

"Okay, you enjoy being pissy and miserable and no fun!" Pip called after her. "Toodle fucking loo!" As soon as Tanya was out of the room, PIp clenched his hands into fists and let out a miniature shout of frustration. "I'm good! I'm good, it's out of my system."

[sleepytoycollection]

Like this is why Life in the Dreamhouse was so good. It could make fun of Barbie's history but Barbie was still a person. A ridiculously flawless one, but still a person.

She's close with all her friends, she takes care of her sisters, she tries to make Raquelle happy even when Raquelle is unfair to her. Ken doesn't mind being her accessory because he knows she loves him the way he is, flaws and all.

But even beyond that the other characters could interact without Barbie. Ken babysits Barbie's sisters and pets. Raquelle and Skipper become a racing team. Nikki and Theresa hang out together without Barbie. They all have hobbies and interests and feel like the kind of characters a kid would make up as personas for their dolls.

The Barbie movie acts like it's just the Kens, or a boy v girl thing, but everyone who isn't Barbie is a prop in the movie's world. And idk, that seems kinda antithetical to a feminist message? And also not how kids play?

When I was little I knew Barbie was the main character of the franchise, but I never thought of the other girls as accessories. That's like if a Sailor Moon parody came out and tried to claim the other Sailor Scouts weren't important to SM's world.

IDK, like I don't necessarily think it'll be a bad movie or that I won't enjoy it but it's definitely made for the more ironic and irreverent crowd and it feel like a missed opportunity.

Like I know the movie is meant for an older audience but I do wonder what a child who actually plays with Barbie right now would think of this kinda dated look at the doll. I know I'd be confused by the flat feet joke if all my Barbies have flat feet.

Like Barbie land doesn't seem to have gone past the 2000's (aside from the diversity) to the point I'm half wondering if it's gonna turn out to actually be set in like 2009 or something. Esp with the Bratz expies. Do kids today even know what Bratz dolls are? If they do is it only because of their parents?

It's not even really a criticism, I get this is about Barbie as a pop cultural figure than Barbie as a fictional character,but I do get a little sad that despite the girl power message Barbie doesn't really seem to have close friends she has a strong bond with.

Barbie doesn't take care of her sisters. Midge is just there as a reference. Christie and Theresa don't exist. Maybe that'll even be a plot point. Idk yet I haven't seen it. But as a long time fan of Barbie media it's a little sad to see Barbie in Barbieland and see her seem kind of cold and detached from everyone around her.

[soysaurus]

tachigin venom au. tachihara is venom, gin is eddie

omg bro this is such a cool idea. i love venom, i love tachigin, and i cant believe ive never thought of this au before i am a DISGRACE DKFGDKJ. ok but they would honestly be so funny. and tachihara would learn the terrible cooking thing from tetcho. but also like!! just them! at night! destroying the lives of terrible people and kicking absolute ass <3

"Tachihara, stop humming." Gin thinks about swatting her face—is this really her face though? Like, this is some tar-like alien encasing her features in the most horrifying set of living armour, so if she reaches up and swats her—his? Their?—nose, will she hurt herself in the process? And if she does, would it be worth it?

"Why?" Tachihara responds, voice sounding way too close but Gin has been getting used to the weird way he seems to talk as if he's whispering directly into her brain. The worst is at night, when she's asleep but not asleep. And all he wants to do is make burgers. "Humming is like, the best part of being human," he continues. "I love humming. Humming fucks. You should hum more, y'know? I like your voice. It's very silky. Like an egg yolk." And he begins humming again. It's Britney Spears. Gin would appreciate him if she hasn't had Toxic stuck in her mind for the last five hours. It's his fault. He seems to be at fault in a lot of things.

She sighs. "Can you just, focus? Please?" She steps over a stack of tumbled boxes. They're ruined. Their footsteps ruin them even more. A hanging lamp waves in the corner, an obvious sign of the fear they've instilled in the burglars they sniffed out. She's pretty sure one of them pissed themselves when they saw her rip off the head of their teammate. Friend. Maybe it was their lover...

"And I love what you do! Don't you know that you're toxi-i-i-c!"

"Shut up!" Gin hisses when Tachihara gives in to the inescapable urge to belt Britney Spears at the top of his lungs. "Focus!"

"I am focusing!" he argues back, but then goes back to singing Toxic with the wrong lyrics and the wrong tune and mumbled sections when he can't remember exactly how it goes because Atsushi played it once and only once.

Gin moves to slap him. Tachihara, like the bastard he is, slips away to reveal Gin's cheek at the exact moment her hand comes down. She yelps, he cackles, and she's about to scream at him when a shadow moves in the corner of their eye.

They grab him, like some tiny pathetic Ken doll in the hands of the gleeful Raquelle from that one Barbie Dreamhouse episode. The burglar screams, and then he goes squelch.

One of his shoes drop to the floor. It's the only thing left.

"I saw him first, by the way," Tachihara announces when Gin is just Gin again and Tachihara is the weird, annoying voice in her head, who's also an alien symbiote because she should have never broke into her brother's research lab, even if whenever they made eye contact, that was the only thing she could hear Ryuunosuke saying.

"No," Gin corrects. "I did."

"Yeah, no." Tachihara snorts. "I definitely saw him first."

Gin's about to slap Tachihara—herself—again. But stops. Because Tachihara is an asshole, and he's still cackling, and Gin can still taste the remnants of someone else's head in her mouth. It's weird. She thinks having an alien illness has messed up her senses.

"So, who should we eat next?" He's thinking about burgers. Gin can hear him thinking about burgers.

"We're not eating anybody," she presses.

All Tachihara does is hum, and then he's singing Britney Spears again, because there's the crash of glass smashing and someone is yelling around the corner. Tachihara's alien self floats in front of her, and Gin sighs. "I'm so hungry," he lets out.

It's too easy to let Tachihara turn Gin's grin toothy.

[thewritewolf]

Adrien, Agreste No Longer: Chapter 1 - Bad Dad

Adrien has a terrible home life, but what can he do? This is his messed up family, after all.

...Or is it?

...I can explain.

I fully admit this is a crack fic - *I'm* definitely not taking it super seriously, so I don't expect you to either. It all stemmed from a joke I made with my beta reader while we watched Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse one day. We had a moment where we turned to each other and just sort of went, "...huh." Then the outline for this fic began to take shape.

Anyway, it's a weird fic to be sure, but I hope you'll enjoy it!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 (Final)

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3

It was a quiet and depressing dinner, but Adrien was in a good mood anyway. Not just because this week he'd be going to a charity event with his friends, although that was a big factor in it. After all those hoops he'd jumped through, he had finally cleared off enough space in his schedule to manage it. All that hard work and his father – through Nathalie – had allowed it.

Which brought him to the other reason he was so happy today – unlike almost every day, Adrien wasn't eating alone! Granted, they were eating on opposite ends of a very long table and the only noises besides Adrien chattering about school and work was the clinking of silverware against plates. But even just that was an improvement over every other day.

Adrien sighed contently as he finished his last story. “...Pierre was very happy with the photos. He was saying they might even be the best yet! But with a motivation like that thing with my friends, what else-”

“'Thing'?” Gabriel said, his head snapping up as he spoke for the first time since they sat down to eat. “What 'thing'?”

“The... the thing that I'm going to on Saturday.” A sinking feeling, like an empty void, opened up in his stomach as he looked at his father's blank expression, clearly not recognizing what he was talking about. This had been on the schedule for at least a month! Heck, Nathalie had even gotten father to sign the schedule for him! “With my friends? It's the Roberts charity drive.”

Gabriel's eyes widened at the name and he coughed into his napkin. “Out of the question. You will be attending the fashion gala with me, not cavorting around with those delinquent friends of yours.”

The words felt like a punch to the gut and for a moment Adrien couldn't decide what part of that sentence to refute first.

“Father! I don't do anything during those functions. Definitely not anything that would need both of us. And I worked so hard for this! Why won't-”

“That is enough!” Adrien was startled when his father slammed his open hands on the table and stood up. Fear rose up in him when he saw the glare being leveled at him. “I am your father and you will do as I say. No tricks, no deals. Am I understood?”

Adrien bobbed his head quickly.

“Good.” Gabriel stood up straight and folded his hands behind his back. “Now go to your room. You've had enough excitement for the day and I know that you can find some constructive use of your time.”

At that moment, Adrien would have taken any excuse to not be in the room with his father any more. Despite the growled protests of his stomach, Adrien left his plate of food behind and made a beeline for his room. He blinked down tears as he realized he'd have to call just to disappoint his friends.

Again.

But at least he was getting used to it by now...

---------

“Seriously, dude?” Nino's voice echoed through the emptiness of Adrien's room, the only distortion despite him only being present through facetime on his phone. “That is is seriously not cool of your daddio. We've been planning this shindig for weeks now!”

Adrien dropped himself into his chair, slouching in a way he knew his father would yell at him for if he could see him. “I tried to tell him that, bro, but you know how he is. Once he's made a decision...”

“He doesn't go back on it, yeah, I get it. Doesn't make him any less of a tool though.” Nino stared off screen and glared. “What is even his deal? I thought your old man signed your Agreste-brand permission slip, dude?”

“Maybe he just signed whatever Nathalie had put in front of him without reading it,” Adrien replied. As much as he hated to admit it, that was almost definitely what had happened. Maybe the whole deal had been entirely Nathalie's idea.

“Well, I guess it's not all bad.” Adrien looked back at Nino, who was wearing a vicious smile. “It ain't gonna look cool on your pops when word gets out you're gonna be a no-show. Lotsa folks were looking forward to you showing up for that charity.”

Adrien smirked, only to immediately feel bad about it. This was his own father – he shouldn't be feeling happy about the possibility he'd take some bad publicity over this. Right?

“But seriously, my main bro,” Nino continued. “Everyone loves the Roberts! I'd have thought even your daddio would make an exception for them.”

“I guess not,” Adrien sighed. His stomach growled again. “Listen, Nino, I'd love to keep talking but-”

“-But you've gotta do all that crazy homework so he won't come down even harder on you. Yeah, I get it.” He pinched his nose, then looked back at Adrien with sympathetic eyes. “You want me to tell Al and M?”

His heart sank even more. He'd almost forgotten this was just the first call he had to make tonight. “No... I'll do it. I'd rather they heard it from me. It's the least I can do.”

“You're a good dude, dude. Sometimes, I can't believe ol' Gabe is your father.” Nino scratched the back of his head. “Okay, most times I think that. Anyway, try to chillax. I know it sucks, but we'll get through, 'kay?” Adrien nodded. “See ya later.”

The screen went dark and Adrien stared at his own reflection in the polished surface. His stomach growled again and Adrien felt something land on his knee. Putting down his phone, he saw Plagg holding up a wedge of Camembert about as big as he was. He pushed it towards Adrien.

With a soft smile, Adrien took it. As he took his first bite, he said, “Thanks, Plagg.”

“Don't mention it, kid. But I shouldn't have to be the one feeding you.”

“I know, I'm sorry-”

“I don't want your apology,” Plagg snapped. His tiny face immediately twisted up in regret. “Sorry, it's just...”

“Don't worry, I get it. And really, I'm used to it by now.” Adrien pulled himself closer to his desk and started organizing his homework. It looked like a lot but he could probably get it done within an hour. Although he'd have to call Alya soon... And Marinette. For some reason, the thought of disappointing her weighed particularly heavy on his heart.

Plagg looked up at Adrien with an unreadable expression, his tail flicking back and forth irritably behind him. Then he floated up to the crown of Adrien's head and curled up. Adrien could almost swear he heard the kwami grumble, “You shouldn't have to be used to it.”

[princesstadashi]

👉👈 all the barbie movie asks 🥺🥺

Ahhhh!!!!! Okay, y’all ready for this??? XD

Favorite Barbie film? Wait, I have to choose one of my babies??? Well 12 Dancing Princesses was my favorite growing up. Princess and the Pauper will always have a special place in my heart of course. I think Mermaid Tale is definitely up there, it’s really good, plus I just love mermaids! XD But recently my favorite is either Dolphin Magic or Rock n’ Royals, I keep rewatching them as comfort movies :) 

Favorite heroine/main character? More decisions?? I have anxiety, I can’t decide on things! XD But hm... I think surprisingly Alexa from Barbie and the Secret Door? I love so many of the Barbie characters but Alexa is just so relatable as an introvert who would rather just stay inside and read/write instead of dealing with being social! XD

Favorite Barbie film song? I mean, “To Be a Princess” (both from the original and from Princess and the Popstar) is always a classic--I mean, hell, all the songs from Princess and the Pauper are GOLD. “Life Is a Fairytale” from Fashion Fairytale is catchy as hell and will absolutely get stuck in my head for hours! “Gotta Get to Camp” and pretty much any song from Rock n’ Royals will always get me up and moving. Oh, and “What’s Gonna Happen” from Secret Door is probably why that movie is so high up on my list!

Favorite Barbie film dance scene? Anything from 12 Dancing Princesses but I love the fun camp aesthetic of “Got to Get to Camp”, gives me some very Camp Rock vibes which I love! :)

Favorite Barbie couple? I mean, to be fair I don’t think most of my ships are canon... ^^; Probably the closest thing I have is Ken and Barbie from the Dreamhouse Adventures series but technically they’re not a couple yet... Doesn’t mean I can’t dream! They just made Ken so damn adorable and likable--that man ain’t afraid to rock bright pink clothes and I RESPECT that! Plus he’s Barbie’s best friend first and they’re building up their relationship as solid bff’s before romance kinda starts happening which I am SOFT for. But in Dolphin Magic Barbie and Isla are clearly girlfriends by the end, so I’m down for a triad with all three of them :)

Favorite Barbie dress/outfit? ANY of the outfits from Swan Lake--regular gown and then the swan tutu, I DREAMED of having both of those outfits growing up! The peacock dress from Island Princess is a super close followup, though!

Favorite Barbie film male secondary/side character?  Ken from Dreamhouse Adventures, that boy has ALL my love! He’s also pretty great in Life in the Dreamhouse but I’m sorry, Dreamhouse Adventures made me fall in love with that boy <3

Favorite Barbie female secondary/side character? Isla from Dolphin Magic, Erika from Rock n’ Royals (c’mon, she is CLEARLY queer af, have you seen her amazing hair?!!!), and Skipper from Dreamhouse Adventures.

Favorite Barbie film villain? Oh man... I mean. Preminger from Princess and the Popstar is fantastic--other villains WISH they could be as over dramatic and unashamedly villainous as him XD And Duchess Rowena from Twelve Dancing Princesses rivals Mother Gothel, she is just so wonderfully HATEABLE, and she was straight up POISONING the king and she tried to frame his daughters, she is so EVIL and I LOVE her for that!

Favorite Barbie film animal sidekick? Unfortunately I’m not really a fan of the animals in the Barbie movies--sticking fake eyelashes and makeup on every animal just isn’t my thing :/ But probably Wolfie. I love that cat, especially because “The Cat’s Meow” is totally a trans coded song, I stan one trans cat king <3 

Favorite Barbie film non dance scene? Ahhhh!!!! So many good choices!!! I think any scene where a character gets to meet a family member they were separated from (Merlia and Ro getting to meet their moms, Annika meeting her sister, Brietta) is a really good scene :) Oh! Also Blair straight up trashing gentrification in Princess Charm School, like Barbie WENT THERE and was not having it with capitalist bullshit!)

Favorite Barbie film quote? “If what you are is a strange you doesn't mean you should change you, only means you should change your point of view.”

Favorite Barbie film friendship? Barbie and Isla! :) But also Barbie and her sisters in Dreamhouse Adventures and in Life in the Dreamhouse.

Do you have any Barbie film ships? I will almost always ship Barbie with her female counterpart and that’s just a fact XD But I think we covered most of this in favorite couples :) OH! But I almost forgot! Frigging Mr. and Mrs. Roberts in Dreamhouse Adventures are GOALS. Like seriously probably the healthiest representation of a married couple I’ve seen in anything--and they’re not perfect, they’re super quirky and they have issues, but they still LOVE each other and COMMUNICATE and genuinely care about their kids and UGH, I could go ON for HOURS if I’m not stopped XD

Saddest Barbie film scene? Dang, I’m blanking on sad scenes but probably when Liana and Alex briefly break up in Diamond Castle. (C’mon, guys. We ALL know they’re totally a couple. They didn’t even try to hide it.)

Most romantic Barbie film scene? Isla and Barbie reuniting :) But I actually really love the dancing scene with Derek and Genevieve in Twelve Dancing Princesses where they have to dance together to get out of the secret world! Oh! And (spoilers alert for anyone who hasn’t watched Princess Adventure yet!) when Ken asks Barbie to dance with him at the end--wasn’t the confession I was hoping for, but still cute!

Funniest Barbie film scene? Anytime Preminger screams is gold XD

Favorite Barbie film blooper? My favorites are TOTALLY from Princess and the Pauper :) Poor Serafina watching the dummy cat getting absolutely trashed and being terrified for her life? Julian busting a move in the middle of “To Be a Princess”? AMAZING. 

Favorite Barbie film world? Ahhhh!!!! They’re all so good!!! But any of them with canon mermaids is a world I’d be happy to visit XD 

Favorite name? Anneliese, Merliah, Odette

Favorite parents/guardians? Definitely Mr. and Mrs. Roberts from Dreamhouse Adventures :) But Break from Mermaid Tale is totally awesome too, I’d love to have him as a grandfather!

Favorite kids? All of the sisters from Twelve Dancinc Princesses :)

Favorite siblings? Skipper from Life in the Dreamhouse will always be my fave :)

Favorite Barbie film soundtrack? Everything from Princess and the Pauper is a straight up banger, but I DO love the soundtrack of Twelve Dancing Princesses as well--the soundtrack is one of the reasons I love the movie so much! :D 

Favorite Barbie film happy ending? Oof, making me choose again! XD Endings of Dolphin Magic, Mermaid Tale, and Rock n’ Royals are my top three I think :)

[queen-erika-the-songful]

001 Barbie! xx

As you wish! They’ll mostly be from Barbie movies but I’ll probably include other Barbie media as well

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character:

I guess it’s obvious, but Erika’s always been #1 in my heart. She’s brave, loyal, and on a personal level got be through a lot of rough times. But if I had to choose another, it would be a tie between Starlight (Barbie of Para-Den) and Mariposa.

Least Favorite character:

Probably Ryan from Life in the Dreamhouse. He just won’t shut up about how much Ken sucks and how cool he is and how he’ll steal Barbie away. At least most of Raquelle’s shenanigans were about proving she was better than Barbie in general, not just as a romantic partner. Plus she was way funnier and *gasp* showed remorse every once in a while. 

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

1. Every combo of the Princess and the Pauper OT4 (Julian x Anneliese x Erika x Dominick) because they all work so no you can’t make me choose!

2. Every combo of the Mariposa OT4 (Willa x Carlos x Mariposa x Catania) because again I ship them all so you can’t make me choose!

3. Starlight x Sal-Lee. I mean it’s a classic “tough girl lets her guard down for this one person” idea that I adore, plus through Starlight Sal-Lee ends up opening up to everyone else as well, meaning she’s taking influence from Starlight. I also think they just have a lot of good chemistry. I wish SLA had it sequel so we could see more of their interactions.

4. Tori x Keira x Liam. I think I actually like this one more than Anneliese x Erika because they get so much more time together onscreen. And omg that time together is just oozing in adorable interactions. The winks, the sly smiles, the gushing, it’s just too cute. I also just think Liam is so sweet with Keira and you can tell from the “Perfect Day” montage and the scene with Tori in the carriage that he really loves Keira’s company. I like to think that Keira ends up casually dating both of them for a while - because she’s a BICON! If you really wanted me to choose just one between them though, sorry Liam, but I’d be Troi x Keira all the way.

5. I’m including Summer x Raquelle here because like I’ve said before I love the chaotic energy they’d have. I think if they ever got together Raquelle’s ambition combined with Summer’s competitive nature would lead into hilarious schemes of proving that there's "obviously" the best couple and Summer getting all defensive if Raquelle’s goals aren’t going her way.

Character I find most attractive:/

I have to admit, I think George (Dreamhouse Adventures) is pretty handsome. I think I just have a thing for men with dark hair and glasses.

Character I would be best friends with:

Oooh, so many to choose from! Okay, if I just pick one it would probably be Marie-Alicia (Alice). We’re a lot alike in some ways, shy about our passions, softspoken but not afraid to throw down, and struggling with confidence issues. I would love to spend calm afternoons with her sitting by the windows in Millicent’s Fashion House, working on my latest videos and musical aspirations while she worked on new designs. And then maybe we’d go for dinner or coffee and treats after!

a random thought:

I’m don’t think I’ll ever be over Barbie Live! In Fairytopia and Barbie LIVE! The Musical being limited releases with no proshots (proshot just means filmed musical/play). I mean come on even BARNEY had a proshot for one of his shows, so why not Barbie too?? Not only would everyone have gotten to see it but it would’ve helped to make back money for the production as well.  

An unpopular opinion:

I love ALL Barbie movies and I don't think they "went downhill" after Three Musketeers. Sorry y'all.

My Canon OTP:

Barbie x Ken because I’m basic but I mean can you blame me??? They’re adorable in Life in the Dreamhouse, and I’m actually loving the slowburn in Dreamhouse Adventures despite how overused the trope is. They’re just so comfortable with each other and it’s clear how strong their bond is, even just as friends. Love them. 

My Non-canon OTP:

Merliah x Kylie but honestly, you can’t convince me they aren’t canon. I mean come on, Merliah has NO male love interest and Kylie and her are a classic “rivals-to-lovers” trope. They kind of remind of me of Annika and Aidan at the beginning of Magic of Pegasus actually, because those two idiots were really trying to hide any attraction with snark and it just didn’t work. That’s how I see Merliah and Kylie; they pretend to be all tough and dismissive because neither wants to admit they’re actually head over heels. Plus I mean Kylie almost DIED to protect Merliah and the whole ocean, could you really blame me for shipping them after that?? Aw man they’re one of the best f/f ships out there. 

Most Badass Character:

I’d say of all the badass characters in Barbie, I’ll choose Rosella. She learned how to provide for herself on the island, she can *parkour* (lol), and most importantly she never gave up trying to help Apollonia’s animals no matter what. Even when everything was against her, she stood up for what she knew was right. Also, she never said one bad word against Luciana. I know that may not seem like much but too many movies with love triangles pit the women against each other and I’m just not fond of that unless one of them is supposed to be really nasty or villanous.

Most Epic Villain:

I’m going with Preminger because he honestly scares me. Similar to someone like Adagio Dazzle, he’s almost always one step ahead and easily molds the situation to fit his needs. Every time a wrench is thrown into his plans, he finds a way to adapt and continue being the one in control. He’s undoubtedly clever and cunning.

Pairing I am not a fan of:

i know I’ve said this before but UGH Kara/Super Sparkle x Wes Rivers. I don’t care if he’s supposed to be her “Lois Lane”, he’s a wannabe newshound who exposed her identity without a second thought to boost traffic to his blog. That is the NUMBER ONE thing you do not do to a superhero because it can and WILL endanger not only the life of the hero herself but also anyone she knows. He’s not a journalist, he’s just a one-man papparazzi with a phone instead of a camera. Absolute worst Barbie movie love interest.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

Barbie in Puppy Chase. First, she brings the puppies with them to Hawaii for no good reason. Seriously, there’s a lot of work that goes with bringing pets on a plane, so unless it was Chelsea that begged her to take the puppies, which I seriously doubt, there was no reason to waste any time/money on doing that. Secondly, she didn’t reserve a car beforehand. That’s...just common sense. Third, she completely ignored Chelsea every time she said that it was HER trip, for HER competition, and SHE wanted to go straight to the hotel. There was time to see the horses and whatever else, sure, but they should’ve done it AFTER checking in at the hotel. Not to mention, what if their room had been given to someone else because they were no-shows? This movie just made Barbie look like an insensitive idiot and I can’t forgive that.

Favourite Friendship:

One of my favorites is definitely Erika Juno and Princess Olivia. I made a longer post about it a few years ago. I really like how they teach each other and how they grow thanks to each other’s influences.

Character I most identify with:

Right now, Starlight & Erika. I’m jittery, unfocused, and at times really unconfident. At the same time, I also feel trapped inside and music is really my escape from both the world and my own sorrows.

Character I wish I could be:

When I get older, I hope to be like Aunt Millicent - the “cool” aunt that inspires her siblings’ children, like how Millicent inspired Barbie to be a strong woman. I mean I’dl ike to be inspiring to my own children as well, but I chose Aunt Millicent specifically because I’m not sure if I myself will ever be ready to have a child, so right now I’m preparing more for being the best Aunt I can whenever my little sibs have kids.

[bentaylorrogerhardy]

Lily of the Valley - Part 10

Joe Mazzello! x Reader!

Summary: Being a young, single mom that worked full-time was hard. When you weren’t working, you were taking care of your five year old daughter, Lily. You had given up on dating after many failed attempts. That was until after a rough day of dealing with your ex boyfriend, your best friend introduced you to Joe.

Word Count: 1689

Warnings: none!

A/N: HI I’M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I’M TRYING TO FIND A BALANCE BETWEEN WORKING AND WRITING AGAIN PLEASE BEAR WITH ME AHHHH. Enjoy!

“I don’t know exactly where Santa is gonna get you quesadillas for your stuffed animals, Lily,” you said, glancing over her Christmas list for ‘Santa’ she had written out.

“Taco Bell, duh!” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Let’s see what else you have on here…” you said, then started reading off of the list, “a single orange, paper towels, a flying pony...there’s no toys that you want?”

“Yeah, they’re on this one,” she said, grabbing a folded up piece of paper and handing it to you, “I made two!”

“Oh, Lily,” you sighed, laughing a little bit and taking the paper from her and looking at it, “okay, this is what I mean by a Christmas list for Santa. Barbie dreamhouse, a mermaid tail blanket, Barbie dolls, stuffed animals.”

“I’ve been good this year, mommy. I want all of it,” she said, smiling ear to ear, proud of herself for making such an absurd list that she was very adamant about.

“Well, we’ll see,” you said, getting up from the table and putting your coffee cup in the sink, “Christmas is in two weeks, a lot could change.”

“You promise you’re gonna mail my letters to Santa Claus?” she asked, getting up from the table.

“Of course I will,” you smiled, “I’ll send it off right after I drop you off at school!”

“Okay, good,” she nodded, picking up her bookbag, “I don’t want Santa to forget about me!”

“I’ll make sure he won’t,” you laugh, grabbing your purse and keys and heading down to your car.

---

“Am I gonna see Joey after school?” Lily asked in the car on the way to her school.

“I dunno, maybe,” you answered.

“I hope so,” she giggled, “I miss him!”

“I’m sure he misses you, too,” you smiled, pulling up to the drop off area and she got out of the car, “have a good day!”

“I will,” she smiled, “I love you!”

“Love you!” you said back, and she shut the door and headed into the school and you drove off, heading to Joe’s house.

---

“So, this is her Christmas list?” Joe asked when he got into the car after you handed him Lily’s Christmas list.

“Yep,” you laughed, driving away from his house and heading towards the mall, “think it’s doable?”

“Possibly,” he chuckled, “it’s sweet of her to think about her stuffed animals. She doesn’t want them to be left out during the holidays!”

“I guess, but do you know how many quesadillas that is to ‘feed’ all of them? A lot,” you laughed, shaking your head.

“A Taco Bell gift card should suffice,” Joe shrugged, folding the pieces of paper back up and setting them in the cup holder, then taking your hand in his, “so, whatcha getting me?”

“I’m not telling you!” You laughed, “that’ll ruin the surprise of it all.” Truth is, you hadn’t had the slightest clue as to what you were going to get him. You had a general idea; baseball, Yankees things, etc. But, what do you get the guy who’s given you everything for the past couple of months?

“Well, I’m picking your present up later today, just FYI,” Joe responded smugly.

“What’d you get me?” you asked, laughing.

“Let’s just say Jana and Kristen know what it is, because I needed their help,” he said, reaching over the center console and holding your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I hope you didn’t spend a bunch of money on me,” you said, pulling into the parking lot of the mall.

“Don’t worry about that part,” Joe said, stepping out of the car after you parked it. You walked around to the other side of the car, taking Joe’s hand in yours as the two of you headed into the mall.

“I don’t want anything too expensive, Joe,” you said, giving him a stern look. He chuckled and shook his head, then kissed your forehead.

“I gotta spoil my girl on Christmas,” he said, then the two of you headed in the direction of the stores.

---

“There! We should probably go there first,” you said, pointing at one of the stores, that just so happened to be a toy store, “we can find almost everything for Lily in there.”

“Everything but the quesadillas, oranges, and paper towels,” Joe laughed.

“Exactly,” you laughed, pulling him into the store with you. You looked around the store; Christmas music playing faintly over the speakers and garland hanging on the shelves. Since it was a weekday and everyone was either at work or school, the mall was empty for the most part. Joe grabbed a shopping cart and the two of you headed over to the Barbie section. Turning down the empty aisle, the shelves were crowded with every Barbie doll imaginable, along with all of the accessories, clothes, and of course, the dream house.

“Okay, so we got the dreamhouse,” Joe said, picking it up, struggling a bit to put it in the cart, then letting out a sigh of relief after dropping it into the cart.

“Now, just a few dolls for it,” you said, fingering through the various types on the shelf, picking some and tossing them into the cart as well, along with a few accessories.

“Now, how exactly are you going to hide all of this?” Joe questioned, pushing the shopping cart down the aisle.

“I was hoping your house?” You inquired, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Was gonna say the same thing,” he smiled back at you.

---

After what felt like hours of shopping, you and Joe had managed to get almost everything that was on Lily’s list. Now, you were in the car heading to Joe’s house to drop everything off, then get Lily from school.

“I wish I didn’t have a business meeting later,” he pouted, wrapping his arms around your waist, “I’d love to be there when Lily gets her picture taken with Santa.”

“I’ll send you pictures,” you smiled, “Jana and Kristen will be there, so I won’t be by myself.”

“Good,” he said, kissing you.

“I better go get her,” you said, “if we’re a second late meeting him, I won’t hear the end of it.”

“Definitely,” he laughed, walking you to the door, “call me later?”

“Of course,” you smiled, kissing him again, “I love you.”

“I love you,” he answered, then you headed to your car and on your way to pick up Lily.

---

“Mom, come on! I don’t want to miss Santa,” Lily yelled from the living room. You walked out of your room and into the living room after getting ready.

“We’ll be there in plenty of time,” you laughed, “don’t worry.”

“Let’s go!” she exclaimed, jumping up from the couch and running to the door.

“Okay, okay,” you laughed, following her to the door, “patience.”

“I’m just so excited,” she giggled, walking to your car, “is Joey coming?”

“I’m afraid not,” you frowned, “he has some work to do.”

“Aww,” she frowned, “but, that’s okay! I can give him one of the pictures.”

“Great idea,” you smiled, and started driving towards the mall. Arriving at the mall, Jana and Kristen met you and Lily in the parking lot.

“You look so cute!” Jana said, giving Lily a hug, admiring her big red bow and festive outfit. The three of you made your way inside and walked to the area where the Santa pictures were being taken. Surprisingly, the line wasn’t very long. There were only about three people in line ahead of you, so it wouldn’t take long.

“So,” you said, turning to Jana and Kristen, “I heard you two know what my Christmas present from Joe is.”

“Only because we had to help him get it,” Kristen said.

“Did you guys let him spend a lot of money on me?” you asked, “I don’t want a ton of money spent on me.”

“Just know that you’re really gonna like it,” Jana laughed. The three of you were interrupted by Lily tugging on your shirt.

“Mommy! We’re next,” she exclaimed, jumping up and down.

“Oh my goodness,” you smiled, “how exciting!”

“Next!” the young girl in an elf costume said and the four of you approached the area where Santa was sitting, Lily running up to him and sitting next to him.

“Hi, Santa!” she squealed enthusiastically.

“Hello!” he said, “what do you want for Christmas?”

“Ummmm…” Lily pondered, “I REALLY want a Barbie dreamhouse and some barbies.”

“Ho, ho, good choice,” he said, “have you been good this year?”

“I have!” she nodded, “VERY good!”

“Then, I’ll just have to see about getting that dreamhouse,” he said. They posed for the photographer and the pictures were taken.

“Oh, Santa?” Lily asked before getting up, “can I ask for one more thing?”

“Why, of course!” Santa answered. Lily looked over at you, Jana, and Kristen then leaned up, whispering something into Santa’s ear. Santa’s face looked concerned, then a smile formed as he glanced over at you.

“Can you make that happen?” she asked with a hopeful look in her eyes. Santa took her hand and squeezed it gently.

“I think so,” he said. She smiled widely, then gave him a big hug before coming back over by you. You looked at the pictures taken, chose the ones you liked, then purchased them. The pictures printed, and then everyone left and went to their cars. After buckling Lily in then getting in the car yourself, you headed home.

“Lily, what did you ask Santa for when you whispered to him?” you asked, looking at her through the rear view mirror.

“I can’t tell you, or it won’t come true, silly!” she giggled. The car ride was short back to your apartment, and Lily fell asleep on the way. After arriving home, you carried her inside, then laid her on her bed. You set the envelope of pictures on the counter after sending a picture of them to Joe, then sat down on the couch to watch some TV, but all you could think of was what Lily could have possibly asked Santa for that she didn’t tell you.

Tags: @hargreevesgrace @deakyspuff @okiegirl24 @joalsglasses @toger-raylor @panicatttckiss @cheeseedreams47 @shesakillerquueennn @cruelnatalie @mrsmazzello @rogerina-owns-me @johnricharddeaconn @jiswoogannon @loveofmychips @v-o-o-d-o-o-c-h-i-l-d @littleliv1 @walkingwheels @cryinq-mazzello @ramibaby @queeniesteiins @inthelapofthe39 @caborhapch @lovesaweed @finnbalortrash21 @leah-halliwell92 @book-nerds-world @coolcxt @lizvxx

[wordswithkittywitch]

Barbie: A Fairy Secret

Well, it’s finally happening. I’ve lowered my standards enough to start posting my thoughts on Barbie movies. Well, my in-depth analysis so I can give all 37 (I’m counting both Barbie and the Rockers half-hour shorts as one movie. It was a continuing plot.) Barbie movies a rank based on my own arbitrary standards. And because it’s arbitrary, they are being scored out of 110 and I starting more or less randomly with the one I watched earlier this afternoon.

Barbie A Fairy Secret: Overall Score: 54/110 Why is it a score out of 110 instead of 100? Because Barbie gives 110%. Also because there are twelve categories, and only one of them is negative. Why is this score so low? Simply put, I’ve seen all the Barbie films and this isn’t the best one. I still enjoy it, and let’s find out why that is...

High points: 6/10      This is a genuinely funny movie, even if sometimes the jokes are so stupid you’re a little ashamed of laughing at them. Even if you’re watching as an adult, you have to accept this is fundamentally a kids’ movie and it’s going to be silly.      Now, of course there are some kids’ movies that don’t have this problem, and some of them are even in the Barbie series. But this is a film where Ken Matrix-dodges a puff of glitter.

     The architecture of Gloss Angeles and in particular the palace really steals the show; even if a lot of the floating platforms look like gold chocolate kisses hovering upside down. Beyond the gleaming gold and jewel-bright colours, we see a streaked pastel sky extending forever in all directions. Really. All directions. Raquelle asks how far away the ground is, and is quickly informed there is no ground.

Low points: -4/-10 The animation style wasn’t as polished as some of the later Barbie movies, and usually I can just ignore that, but it also lacked the pastel charm of some of the earlier ones. It was kind of in an awkward middle ground. The faces are a little stiffer than other films, and a lot of the emoting needs to be done with the body language.

And on a far more petty note, I don’t think that the name “Zane” sounds as much like a fairy as “Graciellla”. Or “Graylen”. Or even “Crystal”. “Taylor” is on about the same level of sounding like a fairy as “Zane” though.

WLW appeal: 6/10

I’m not saying that two women admitting that they both wanted to be closer but thought that the other one didn’t like them, hugging and then a rainbow of light transforms into fairies, shattering the cage they were in is necessarily lesbian subtext, but it’s really easy to read it that way. Especially since right after it happens Taylor says love is more powerful than a Passion Fairy’s anger.

However, Barbie and Raquelle’s moment of understanding each other pales in comparison to Taylor and Carrie’s relationship. The two are unquestionably close, never out of the other’s sight. However, the thing that made them read as most romantically involved to me wasn’t anything they did on screen: it was Princess Gracellia’s past history with them. When three people are close friends and two of them become so close they cut the third person out without realising they’ve upset them at all, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re dating, but any time I personally can say that I really lost a friend, it was a variation on that story. I’ve seen it in other people, and much to my disgust almost any time someone brings up that this is a problem, the blame falls on the “third wheel” for not realising that romantic love is obviously more important than any of their previous friendships, and suggesting that if they were emotionally mature they would just go off and fine someone to snog themselves, thus becoming a fully realised romantic being.

Okay, none of the romantic part of the last paragraph was textual, and I am definitely projecting at least a little bit; but this is a recurring theme across media, and it sucks, and I enjoy the fact I can avoid it. Yet another reason I have watched all the Barbie movies.

Ace Appeal:  4/10 I suppose this needs to be said at least once, and since this one is getting posted first, it’s a natural choice to get this disclaimer out of the way. No, I don’t think that anyone in Mattel offices ever stops and says, “Hang on. Does the plot of this children’s movie appeal to the sensibilities of adult asexuals?” However, I’m pretty sure there is some variation on “Not all kids like romance, and most parents want to keep the romance their kids see in media to be on the tame side, so we’ll have to pay attention to how much romance we put in and how it’s handled.” However, as an adult asexual, it is always freaking refreshing to have characters interested in something besides The Sex™, and the best place I have found to seek that is in children’s media.

In a movie aimed at adults, one would usually establish the main romantic couple with kissing, steamy stares, and other things that make your friends not want your partner hang out with the rest of the group. Or, in the case of The Airzone Solution, goosing your partner while she’s having a conversation with someone else, making her voice go up so high I finally recognise Nicola Bryant without her fake American accent. (by the way, if you’re looking for movies with asexual appeal, The Airzone Solution is not one of them.)

This is the face of a man who cannot unwatch The Airzone Solution.

Also, in a movie aimed at adults, no one can end in the same romantic relationship that they started in, which Barbie can avoid because the character of Ken cannot exist in a vacuum: Ken is Barbie’s boyfriend (the Barbie Vlogs/Dreamhouse Adventures timeline notwithstanding; especially given that there really is no question that in that particular timeline “Karbie is endgame” as the kids say.), all personality traits are related to this. If Ken appears in a Barbie movie, we know he already is Barbie’s boyfriend because Barbie is a wish fulfilment fantasy for young girls: As many rewarding careers as they like, a steady relationship with someone who adores them, a large group of friends, pretty much any material goods they can think of at their fingertips, and of course, magical powers. This, quite frankly, is why Barbie works as a woman somewhere in her twenties or thirties and why she doesn’t make as much sense when people try to age her down into a teenager. Seriously. That’s what Skipper is for. How can Barbie have a sixteen-year-old little sister if she herself is sixteen? It doesn’t make sense. But I’m getting off-topic.

This is a kids’ movie, so we establish that Ken and Barbie are dating by having them being adorable duelling with spoons over ice cream sundaes. And that’s why I’ve watched every Barbie movie ever made.

As I mentioned before, the subplot with Gracellia feeling cut out of Taylor and Carrie’s relationship feels very familiar to anyone whose friends distanced themselves for their all-important romance. And while this could happen to anyone, being dropped out of your alloromantic/allosexual friends’ lives when they discover dating is one of the most recognisable and most terrible parts of the asexual/aromantic experience. Does this mean that any of the characters present as asexual or aromantic? As usual, not necessarily. Gracellia clearly isn’t aromantic. But, also as usual, “I’ve been there! It sucks!” is a common step in headcanoning a character as ace. And even if they aren’t, it’s still relatable. We also see a happily married middle-aged couple, Reena and Graylen. Narratively, they exist to show that a marriage between a fairy and a human can work, but I could have seen way more of them being cute. But I like cute old married couples. Which may be weird for someone desperately looking for characters in any form of media who actually like their love interests and stay with them through the entire story instead of breaking up to add more drama. Anyone who has had their friends start dating knows that couples do not need to be breaking up to cause drama.

Graylen’s character design is almost exactly like the advisor in the Fairytopia series. You might not expect “older black fairy with gray muttonchops and friendly advice” to be a stock character in Barbie films, but there he is. Often, Barbie movies do not have a full mouth kiss in them. If there is, that is often because there’s a wedding ceremony. This is an example of the latter. The couple who isn’t married at the end, however, express their love by trying not to be married against their will. Still, no matter how relatable all of this is to an asexual, it does end in a very Midsummer Night’s Dream everyone paired off sort of way.

Entourage:  6/10

Raquelle- Those familiar with Life in the Dreamhouse already know Raquelle as Barbie’s self-proclaimed rival and a twisty bitch who lives for drama, making her one of the most enjoyable characters to watch. She has a different voice actress here, which can throw you a little. Especially if you’re trying to remember which My Little Pony voice actress has replaced her Life in the Dreamhouse voice actress.

Taylor- Ginger shoe fairy with a pink dress and a posh accent. Mostly responsible for the “tell Barbie the truth, go to Gloss Angeles, and rescue Ken” plan. 

Carrie- Brunette purse fairy with a purple dress. Probably the slower of the two. That said, even though she supplies much of the comic relief, it doesn’t stem from her being stupid, it stems from her never-emptying purse of visual gags. By the end, Carrie’s jokes have started to grate on Raquelle:

“I think this time I’ve got a home run!”

“Enough! It’s going to be a baseball bat, right?”

Art Style: 5/10 I’ll admit this isn’t my favourite era of Barbie movies as far as animation is concerned. The faces aren’t as emotive as some of the other styles of animation. Raquelle for one makes up for this with full-body sarcasm. The architecture in Gloss Angeles is really the highlight of the film’s visuals: with large amounts of sparkling crystal and gold curlicues putting one in mind of a jewellery box with it’s contents spilling out. Particularly in the fight scene between Ken and Zane, where they recreate the “Duel” bit from that 90s Gladiators show where the contenders sand on an elevated platform and hit each other with what appear to be large fancy cotton buds. The only difference is that the contenders have wings. The architecture is shown off nicely in the “welcome to Gloss Angeles” montage. Unlike films like a Mermaid Tale, they did not feel the need to put dozens of puns in this sequence, they just put wings on everything they could think of—dogs, cats, handbags, coffee cups, shopping bags…

Plot: 7/10 The plot takes place within the “Life in the Dreamhouse” continuity: Barbara Roberts is a highly successful celebrity who lives in Malibu with her three younger sisters, is dating her longtime boyfriend Kenneth Carson, and has a close group of friends, including Rochelle who openly hates all of them (barring Ken) but remains part of the social circle.

A jealous fairy named Crystal feeds Princess Graciella, ruler of the fairies, a love potion which makes he fall in love with Ken. Graciella kidnaps Ken and declares she will marry him that very day. Zane, Graciella’s previous boyfriend and also a fairy, challenges Ken to three successive duels as Ken tries to back out of this. Barbie and Rochelle, rival film stars, come to Ken’s rescue, aided by two fairies who have been living in the human world disguised as humans and working as Barbie’s personal stylists.

The whole thing feels a lot like Barbie does Comedia del Arte, which I love. A love square that is resolved with two couples at the end, a love potion, over the top comedic figures, a lovesick woman declaring she will marry someone she just met, the upper class characters being saved by the complex planning of their clever servants; if you accept personal stylists as the modern equivalent of a tiring maid.

Zane is probably the main reason I keep thinking Comedia del Arte when I’m watching this. And it’s not just that he has the same accent as el Captaino (a stock figure in Comedia del Arte. The foreign captain who is usually a comedic rival for the young lover). In his first scene, he challenges Ken to three successive duels: “So, you think I am not bold enough for two duels? For that, I challenge you to a third duel!” “Why not? I wasn’t doing anything after the second one anyway.”

I can’t help but think about how the plot would have been different if princess Graciella had drunk the love potion three seconds earlier and fallen in love with Rochelle instead of Ken. “I have to save my frienemy who has just graduated from pain in the ass to total bitch.” would have been a very different story to “I need to save my boyfriend.”  

The whole thing is a mess of consent and lack thereof. Crystal puts a spell on Graciella so she becomes obsessed with Ken, Graciella puts a spell on Ken so that a marriage proposal comes out of his mouth, much to his horror. And, if the whole “Comedia del Arte” thing hadn’t been running through my head the entire time, the fact that it pretty much starts and ends like A Midsummer Night’s Dream would have done it: Someone gives the queen of the fairies a love potion. She falls in love with the worst possible option. Humans get involved. The two romantic couples are sorted back into their ideal combination, the fairies convince the humans it was all really a dream. Even Carrie and Taylor reminding the audience of the secret at the end puts me in mind of Puck’s final speech.

The plot would have gotten a higher score if it hadn’t been for one plothole that seems to grow and shrink the more I examine it: Crystal was in love with Zane, but he was in love with Graciella. So she gets her hands on a love potion and uses it on… not Zane. I guess thought if he wasn’t in a relationship he would pick her on his own. Perhaps she wanted “real love” and was prepared to give her princess a chemically assisted version. We will never know.

Character design:  6/10

It’s not unusual for the cast to be wearing their best costumes in the final act of a Barbie film, but in this case this was achieved by putting most of them in fairly ugly outfits for most of the action.

The costuming was quite up to standards in the last fifteen minutes, but that leaves us with fifty seven minutes of unnecessary peplum to account for. 

Raquelle and Barbie appear in formal gowns for the red carpet premiere:

Raquelle wears a one-shoulder purple and blue gown with a lettuce edged wrap skirt with a high-low hem, simple blue teardrop earrings, and some excellent shoes.

As usual, Raquelle is quickly upstaged by Barbie, who wears a ruby pink bodice with a peplum hem over a bright violet mermaid skirt. These are accessorised with rhinestone rose jewellery and silver pumps, although the shoes are only revealed when Raquelle rips the back of her dress up to her thighs.

While these gowns only show up in the first scene, they are easily the best looks they wear in the film, which is understandable as they are the dresses worn by the dolls. The doll look sort of reappears at the start of the final act, where Barbie and Raquelle transform into their winged form from the dolls, which is the tops from their red carpet gowns on cocktail dresses.

Barbie’s rose peplum top melts much more pleasingly into the three flounces of her miniskirt, while Raquelle has a flounced A-line miniskirt with the slightest edge of silver and pink petticoats peeking out the bottom. A silver ruffle accents her neckline and compliments her wide silver belt. The looks are finished in both cases with those curling vine heels that Mattel was putting on all the fairy dolls in the early aughts. This is such a breath of good taste after their “normal” outfits from the main part of the film. 

After the premiere, the human characters really get the short end of the stick as far as costumes are concerned, and while I can see how it was important to make the humans visually distinct from the fairies, even when everyone is wearing “clip on” wings.

Raquelle spends most the movie in cobalt blue knee-length trumpet dress and a pink polka dot mini sweatshirt; which frankly should never have happened. The effect is completed with strappy silver heels which barely do not reach the end of leatherette black leggings. Sadly, the effect is “I dressed Barbie first and these are all the doll clothes I have left over”.

Barbie’s main look seems to be doing everything it can to keep a knee-length jean trumpet skirt with pink stitching from ruining the rest of the outfit. This is done with a pink and white striped tee and a half-sleeve black jacket. I don’t want to be too hard on this look, I’ll admit, because I can see my sister wearing something like that, but hopefully a more flattering cut of skirt.

But then again, I’ve always hated trumpet miniskirts; I hated them when they were in style, I hate  them now that they aren’t, and I hate the fact I owned two because that’s what was for sale at Walmart in the mid 2000s and I hadn’t taken to making most of my own clothing yet. I called them “crotch ruffle skirts”. I was a bitch in high school.

 Miss Roxelle appears very briefly in a tasteful white and gold two piece pencil skirt suit. As a fashion designer and the older fairy who they come to for help, it makes sense that she has a classy, mature vibe.  

For the wedding, Ken gets a fashion upgrade from “we put him in a plaid shirt to make him look more heterosexual” (which was kind of ruined by the teal and metallic gold palette) to “one of those really tacky heterosexual wedding toppers” for the wedding scene. The horror of someone tied up and being forced to marry someone they barely know is somewhat diminished by the image of groomsmen elbowing each other and chuckling, “As usual, am I right, men?” That said, matching the pattern on his lapels to the pattern on his wings was a nice touch.

Crystal takes the purple/green slightly alternative route in villain costume design: fingerless gloves, cropped vest, stripy skirt, asymmetrical bob, purple leggings and black ankle boots.

And interestingly, she is the only fairy who presents as a girl who has dragonfly wings. I’m not going to say that this means Crystal is transgender, but I am definitely going to be thinking about that for a while. Part of me thinks, “Sure, why not, that’s probably going to happen in fairy society as much as human”, and part of me thinks, “Usually it’s the heroes or sidekicks in Barbie movies that get queercoded.” So let’s just move past Crystal’s boyish wings.

I spend a lot of time Graciellla is on screen trying to figure out how her hair is accomplished. Like most Barbie characters, it looks physically possible so that it can be recreated on a doll. It looks as if two French braids were started on her head, then the loose hair was tucked under itself, a little bit like a rolled chingon.

It probably is related to the fact her standard outfit is pretty basic: a petal pink strapless cocktail dress with a rose pink sash. It’s accessorised with a mess of pink rhinestone jewellery to set off her tiara.

Zane starts off in a fantasy style purple vest and striped jeans in a desaturated purple palette: The gold trim and collar pushes it towards the high fantasy fairies were meant to be, but it appears that halfway down the design they realised that they wanted it to be reflective of modern fashion and gave him pinstriped jeans. Don’t get me wrong, I love purple pinstriped jeans, I own purple pinstripe jeans, but they don’t go with his top. High fantasy and mid-2000s fashion are hard looks to marry, and I’m objecting to this example. Now, I could have forgiven him for wearing knee-high boots and cuffing his trousers to show them off, if they weren’t striped jeans and black combat boots. He’s half pirate and a half “I just came from a Green Day concert”. And he tries so hard to make it work. Wearing the exact same outfit in white and gold to his wedding was a choice. Once of several stupid choices made by Zane over the course of this movie.

Zane goes full Star Trek Next Gen for his combat jumpsuit: And honestly, I kind of love it. The gold and cobalt blue set each other off beautifully, the wide gold stripes down Zane’s legs, the elegantly tooled golden breastplate, the spirals of gold coming up his boots to the wide gold edging.

We actually see the slits the back of Zane’s jacket when he gets on his knees to propose to Graciella, and all of the feminine fairies (except for Crystal, as mentioned before) are wearing tube tops and off-the shoulder dresses so that they can dress without damaging their wings. But it appears that his wings are emerging from narrow slits in the back of his vest. Which might account for why the masculine fairies have smaller, narrower wings; more like a dragonfly than a butterfly. And it might also account for why Crystal has dragonfly wings and a cropped vest.

Finally, we have Taylor and Carrie, who ride the line between fantasy fashion and human fashion by wearing some fairly simple, “this looks like a doll” dresses. They also look far more like a “set” than any other characters because while their outfits look different, they are comprised out of the same basic elements: A dress with a fitted satin bodice, capped sleeves, and a flounced circle skirt accessorised with a short bead necklace, simple earrings, a headband and a side ponytail. The only real difference between them is their magical focuses:

Carrie, being a purse fairy, has a glittery doctor-style handbag; so called because the frame opens out like an old doctor’s visiting bag, not because like the Tardis it is bigger on the inside. Though both are true. Taylor has magenta glitter peek-toe platforms with knee-high laces with wings on the heel and rosettes on the toe. Raquelle admits, “If I had to trust my life to one pair of shoes, it would be those.” as Taylor chirps: “The more fabulous my shoes, the stronger my magic!” Me too, buddy, me too.

Music:  3/10

There is really only the main theme, Can You Keep a Secret? which plays over the opening and closing credits. It’s peppy, it’s happy, it’s not so stupid you’re grating your teeth, but ultimately it’s pretty forgettable. It serves its purpose and allows the story to move on. It plays again during the “welcome to Gloss Angeles” montage.

Animal companion:  4/10 Halfway through the movie, Pegaponies show up and help the humans with their difficulty in flying with clip-on wings. The pegaponies show up, transport the main characters to the palace, and are never heard from again. They do not talk or exhibit greater than animal intelligence, but however they do greatly advance the Rochelle and Barbie friendship plot by allowing the two of them to discuss how their relationship, and their animosity, formed. All pegaponies are recolours of the same mesh: a stocky, small horse with a striped mane and sparkly lace-like wings. The heroes all ride sidesaddle, partially because they’re all in dresses and partially because they all have wings themselves. While I usually subscribe to the less-is-more approach to pets in Barbie movies, in this case more might have been more.

Antagonists:  7/10 Zane- Since Barbie has Raquelle, it only makes sense that Ken gets someone who declares himself his rival as Ken protests that they aren’t actually pursuing the same goal. And like Raquelle, Zane is over the top and hilarious. He’s probably my favourite part of the movie. Graciellla – Crown Princess of Gloss Angeles, because “queen” sounds evil unless you’ve got a kid. While she isn’t exactly a bad person, she spends most of the film trying to force someone who isn’t in love with her to marry her. Actually, that is in fact pretty bad, but it is slightly mitigated by the fact she’s under a love spell. Remember kids, love spells aren’t consent! She spreads the awful cycle of “fairies don’t need no consent” by magicing a proposal out of Ken’s mouth inbetween his protestations to let him go. So, even though she changes her plan as soon as she’s not under a spell, she still has the whole “I’m an immoral fairy who really doesn’t care how much I mess up human lives” thing going on, which I also enjoy. Kids have to learn to fear the fey sooner or later. Crystal- From her arm-warmers to her stripes, here’s the soft grunge girl here to punish the preps for existing. Well, to punish everyone around her for the sorry state of her love life. Unrequited love stinks. Of course, what makes her a villain instead a tragic hero is that she is perfect content to ruin as many lives as it takes to get what she wants. Again, fairies tend to be amoral. Raquelle- Only an antagonist in that she remains Barbie’s self-proclaimed rival, and pain in the rear, even as she joins her quest to save Ken. To be fair, at no point does Raquelle stop thinking of herself as Ken’s friend. Partnering with a rival to save a mutual friend is probably Raquelle’s most antihero moment across all media she appears in. So while there’s a lot of antagonists, ranging from rivals to villains to “manic force of nature” I would have a difficult time saying, “You know what movie has some great antagonists? A Fairy Secret.” Although it definitely gets points for variety.

Doll Tie-in:  4/10

Comparing the doll commercial to the movie, I get the feeling that the people making the commercial hadn’t been given the plot to the movie before writing the script for the advertisement.

Personally, as someone who just genuinely likes dolls, I don’t like the moulded on bodices, since they limit the number of dresses you can put over them. I get the idea that the moulded on swimsuits are to give the dolls some vestige of dignity when the girls are leaving them undressed.

As for “transforming dresses”, the Fairy Secret dolls all have variations on the “skirt folds out into wings” gimmick.

This was also the period where the doll designers decided that plastic moulded curlicue laces going all up a doll’s shins said “fairy fashion”, and that, I’ll admit, I like.

At least the faces have better moulds than the characters in the films.

[writethiswaymaam]

Love Undone

CHAPTER TWO

Summary:  Andria finds comfort and solace at a Mayan's party, but her interaction with the club causes tensions to rise between her and Antonia. 

   Andria looked at the time on her phone before punching her pillow in frustration. She had been home for almost a week and sleep still evaded her. She rolled on her back looking around the guest room at her sister’s house. Her sister’s wife, Katrina, had went full on Joanna Gaines with this mother trying to make Andria feel welcome, and Andria had never felt more uncomfortable. She would much rather be back in her childhood home sleeping on a thin, worn out mattress on the floor with the cracked and peeling plastered ceiling than atop this Egyptian cotton covered pillow top mattress while staring at freshly painted walls that felt like they were closing in on her.

    She wished she had the strength and stamina to go for a run right now, but her leg and side were still too far from healed. Even the light exercises at physical therapy left her in close to crippling pain. So short of popping a sleeping pill or maybe drinking herself into oblivion, there was little hope of sleeping tonight. Andria dreaded the idea of another night of counting down the hours until it was acceptable to exit the bedroom without drawing suspicion. Her mind began to wander back to her time spent overseas. She never struggled with sleeping in a combat zone. The continual physical stress and exhaustion with the added security of being around her brothers and sisters in arms often meant that Andria could sleep anywhere, in any position. A fact that often made her the butt of many jokes among those she served with. She missed them. She missed never getting the chance to be alone. This house left her entirely too much room to be with herself.

    She sighed looking at her phone again. It was 2 am on a Saturday night. The only reason people were out this late was to party and most of the bars and clubs she would even think about going to would be winding down at this time of night. Unless…. The Mayan’s parties usually lasted till dawn. But it would be disrespectful to show up uninvited. The only women that did that were las mujerzuelas, and that is not what Andria had in mind. But, the idea of loud music, good food, and the general chaos of a bunch of drunken bikers sounded appealing. This house was way too quiet to drown out the noise in her head.

    With that thought she soundlessly got up and got dressed. Running a quick brush through her hair and not bothering with makeup, she padded silently through the house and out the front door undetected. Starting Antonia’s or Katrina’s car had the potential of waking up her sister, but it was a risk she had to take, because there was no way she could make the trek on her bum leg. She reasoned that if she was taking the chance of pissing Antonia off anyways, she might as well drive the Lexus. That’s how she ended up parked in the road in front of the gated club yard, leaning against the expensive silver car, debating her next step. She could probably call Bishop and ask for an invite, but that could come with questions, or even worse, the possibility of interrupting his bedroom activities with one of the club’s putas. That did not sound appealing. That’s why when she heard a deep voice asking her if she was okay, she sent a silent prayer of gratitude into the universe, and turned with a smile on her face, “Hey EZ, I’m good. You?”

    He took a moment studying her face before a look of recognition crossed his, “Andria Pena? A.P. Physics class, senior year.”

    “Yep. I see that photographic memory of yours is still serving you well,” she laughed.

    “It has its moments. So, what are you doing here?” he motioned to the yard behind her as he took a spot leaning on to the Lexus next to her.

    “Couldn’t sleep. My hours are still all turned around from the time difference, so I decided to take a drive. You caught me having the inner debate of ‘should I take the chance of making an ass out of myself by walking into a club party uninvited, with the sole intention of eating a ridiculous amount of food’, or if I should just go back home.”

    A smile spread across EZ’s face, “I think I can solve your dilemma. Come on,” he said with a nod of his head, “consider yourself invited.”

    Andria followed him, both making a beeline for the buffet once they entered the gates. He placed his freehand on her back guiding her to the bar where he set down his plate before grabbing them drinks, then sat down on the barstool next to her. They barely talked while they shoveled food into their mouths. “Hmm, I hope you’re not judging me right now,” Andria said after downing half a beer, “I haven’t had real Mexican food in such a long time.”

    “No judgement here,” EZ said between bites, “so how long have you been deployed?”

    “I enlisted straight out of high school. This last stint was my longest, a 3-year deployment,” she shoved her fork into the rice and beans, “or, at least it was supposed to be. This med leave cut it 6 months short.”

    “Are you planning on going back? After your recovered, I mean?” EZ pushed his now empty plate away.

    “To be determined,” Andria sighed, “I’ve got to get med clearance before they would redeploy me with my unit. The way this leg feels, I’m not sure that’s going to happen anytime soon, and the Army isn’t known for its patience.”

    “What would happen if the leg doesn’t pass snuff,” EZ turned in his seat.

    “They’ll send me where they can use me. Training maybe, possibly recruitment, or a medical discharge,” she scooped the last forkful forcefully into her mouth.

    “You don’t seem very excited about any of those options,” EZ looked at her inquisitively.

    Andria took a moment to gather her thoughts, slowly peeling the label off her beer bottle, “It would be very difficult for me to admit that part of my life is over. I’m very good at what I do. I’ve built my entire military career proving that. I just…I want it to end on my terms, you know?”

    She met his gaze and he nodded his head, “I definitely get that.”

    Just then Bishop and Tranq walked out of the templo in the middle of a conversation headed toward the bar. Bishop stopped short at seeing Andria and EZ together, his brows furrowing before he yelled out, “Yo prospect, looks like the bar needs restocked.”

    “Yes, sir,” EZ stood making himself scarce as Bishop came up to Andria.

    “Hola Preciousa,” he said wrapping her in a warm hug, “what brings you here tonight?”

    “Honestly? I think this place feels more like home than Antonia’s Barbie Dreamhouse,” she looked around at everyone laughing, dancing, and drinking.

    Bishop looked at her with a knowing smile, “You know you’re always welcome here,” he kissed her forehead before sitting down in the bar stool EZ just exited.

   His smell engulfed her. Leather, whiskey, and cigarettes surrounding her like a comforting a blanket. She really had missed the steadiness that Bishop seemed to exude over her life.  Even her mind seemed quieter with him around. Bishop took swig if his drink, a smirk crossing his lips, “Barbie Dream House, huh?”

    “Dios mio, what happened to my sister, Bishop?” she asked laughing, “Do you know they have a weekly game night with their neighbors? Fucking Monopoly, Bish. MONOPOLY. And don’t get me started on the ship lap.”

    He laughed as she ranted. Her hands moving wildly as she described this new life she had been dropped into, and how often she humorously struggled and failed to fit into it. Just when they had finally reigned in their laughter, a woman approached them. It was clear that all this woman’s attention was on Bishop. She was dressed in a low-cut, blood red top and black leather pants. Her eyebrows were thinly painted on, along with a lip liner that was two shades darker than her lip stick. She was the epitome of a Mayan puta. Completely ignoring Andria’s presence, the woman pressed her body against Bishop, placing her hand on his chest, and leaning in to whisper something in his ear. Andria turned back toward the bar, downing her third beer and motioning a man they called Chucky for another. Bishop was a grown man who could do what or who he wanted, but Andria couldn’t help but feel a little disgusted at how desperate putas got around bikers. They’d spread their legs to anyone in a cut, just hoping to be one of the chosen few to stick around. Being El Presidente and unattached made Bishop a frequent target for las putanas. Antonia and Bishop had gotten in plenty of fights back in the day over women just like this, even though to Andria’s knowledge Bishop had always been faithful. It was still hard to see someone you love to get constantly hit on by other people. She spared a glimpse back over to Bishop, as he grasped the woman’s hand and brought it to his lips. Andria rolled her eyes thinking that she was about 5 seconds away from getting the blow off when she heard Bishop tell the woman, “Not tonight, sweetheart. I’m catching up with an old friend.”

    If looks could kill, Andria would certainly be dead from the scowl the woman gave her before she stalked off. Probably in search of another biker for the night. “She seemed nice,” Andria deadpanned taking another pull from her beer.

    Bishop just shook his head and laughed lighting another cigarette, “What about you, princesa? Got a special someone?”

    Andria snorted, “Ummm, no. Turns out I’m pretty terrible at relationships, or so I’ve been told.”

    Andria started peeling the label of her beer bottle again. “Whoever told you that sounds like a real pendejo who doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, princesa,” Bishop tapped the ashes off the end of his cigarette.

    “Eh, he wasn’t completely wrong. I was really focused on my career, and he never quite measured up to my idea of what the perfect guy would be,” she swiveled in the bar stool, absentmindedly running her fingers through her hair.

    “Well, you’re still young. You’ve got plenty of time to find a guy that checks all the boxes,” Bishop finished his whiskey, “Speaking of age, I think I’m going to call it a night."

   She stood gingerly, the prolonged sitting making her leg cramp and stiff. Bishop held out his hand offering assistance, but she shook her head, "I'm good. Just takes me a minute to work the kinks out."

    "Do you need help getting home?" he asked wrapping his arm around her.

    “Nope, I can handle it. Goodnight, Bishop,” she hugged him goodbye.

     “Goodnight, princesa,” he kissed her hair keeping her tucked to his side until she reached the door.  

     She walked, rather stiffly, out to the car in relative solitude. The music had died down along with the dancing. Most of the people still awake were huddled around bonfires talking quietly or amid a sloppy-drunk, far-too-handsy-for-public-consumption make-out session. She smiled to herself. “Did you have a good time?”

    EZ fell into step beside Andria. “I did,” her smile brightened, “thanks for inviting me.”

    “Anytime,” he smiled back as he started walking to his trailer and she continued toward the Lexus.  

    “Hey Andria,” he called, and she turned back to him.

    He looked like he was going to say something and then changed his mind, “Have a goodnight.”

    “You, too, EZ,” she gave a slight wave before climbing into the car. She blew out a deep breath before starting the engine and driving back to Antonia’s.

    She pulled into the drive and got of the car. She was still smiling to her herself when the front door flew open, and she came face-to-face with a very pissed off Antonia. “Where have you been?” Antonia questioned in a harsh whisper.

    “I couldn’t sleep so I went for a drive, ended up at the Mayans party,” Andria shrugged walking past her.

    “With my car?!” Antonia’s voice raised slightly in anger.

    “Is that a problem?” Andria asked turn toward Antonia confused.

    “YES! It’s a problem. Alexandria, I am the mayor now. What do you think my constituents would say if they saw my car parked outside an outlaw motorcycle clubhouse all night?” Antonia seethed.

    “I’m guessing the answer you’re not looking for is ‘good for her?’” Andria snickered.

    Instead of diffusing the situation like Andria had hoped, Antonia was even more angry, “You think that’s funny? You come here, and I do everything I can to help you, and you just mierda mi vida like it’s nothing?”

    “If me going to a party on a Saturday night with some of our oldest friends is the equivalent of shitting on your life, I don’t think staying here is going to work out for either one of us,” Andria exclaimed, “I want to respect you and the life you have built Antonia, but I’m sure as hell not going to live my life by the rules you have set for yourself. Bishop, the club, that life might be part of your past that you want to keep buried, but you don't get to make that decision for me.”

    “You’re right, Andria,” Antonia threw her hands into the air in exasperation, “this isn’t going to work out. I think you should leave.”

    “Well, look at us, finally agreeing on something. Here’s your keys back. I’ll go pack my stuff,” Andria angrily hobbled her way to the bedroom.

    Antonia stared down at the keys in her palm before following Andria to the bedroom. She took a deep frustrated breath. “Shit. Look, Andria, I’m sorry. You don’t have to leave tonight. We can talk about this in the morning and try to find something that works for both us,” Antonia tried to reason as Andria hastily threw stuff in her bag.

    “I think we just need to realize that we’re too different now for this to work, Antonia. You’re the mayor, you’re married, you have a baby, and play Monopoly on Wednesday nights, and that just isn’t me. I don’t know what I am anymore, but this isn’t it,” she walked back to the closet grabbing a stack of neatly folded clothes.

    Antonia rolled her eyes, “The only reason you hate Monopoly so much is because I always win.”

    “Yeah, well you cheat,” Andria zipped her bag and put her hands on her hips the fight leaving her frame.

   “I do not,” Antonia halfheartedly argued.

    Andria sat on the bed, “The last time we played you offered your wife a sexual favor in exchange for Park Place.”

    Antonia sat down beside her, “I already had Boardwalk. I like to think of it as an effective gaming strategy.”

    “I wonder what your constituents would think about that,” Andria quipped.

    “Ugh. I’m sorry,” Antonia laid down on the bed, “there’s a lot of outside pressure with my job right now, and I’m just trying to be extra careful. Sometimes it feels like this life I built is hanging together by a thread, and there are so many people pulling strings, it would be nothing for them to take it all away.”

   Andria laid down next to her, “What kind of outside pressure?”

    Antonia sighed again, “How much do you know about Miguel Galindo?”

[sleazygoing]

♬ ☠ ◊

Send ♬ for a childhood headcanon;

           vernon was one of those kids who made crank calls for fun, bart simpson style, picking up the phone while mom was out and dialling numbers from the yellow pages with his little shithead pals. he got pretty good at it too. i mean, he’s still pretty good at it, it’s just that the kind of crank calls he pulls now usually end in getting somebody’s credit card information. 

           there was a time when vernon and his own kid indiana didn’t see eye-to-eye at all, and they hadn’t really bonded over anything beyond reluctantly playing catch in the yard ‘cuz daddy’s on probation. so, you know, he showed kiddo how fun it is to call random numbers and pull an oldey-timey transatlantic pilot accent or ask if their refrigerator’s running. actually got a laugh out of the little goth bastard.

Send ☠ for a death headcanon;

           so that time vernon got bitten by a cobra and legitimately thought it was the end of the road and started writing his will on a napkin? total placebo. dry bite (obviously). a stapler could probably pack a better punch than that snake did. but he was so convinced that he was about to die that he still pretty much experienced the whole thing, just the lite version i guess. i’m talking the worst pain he has ever felt in his life, the sweats, the shakes, nausea, hallucinations, TV static numbness, all the stages of grief in the space of maybe ten minutes, at one point he thought he was going blind and he’s pretty sure he saw ‘the light’. he was very chill about it though.

           he slept for like three days straight after that whole mess and agreed with his pals who were there to never ever talk about it ever and to definitely not let his wife find out. it really made him think, but apparently not hard enough to stop playing with snakes, considering he got bit by a rattlesnake maybe six months later.

Send ◊ for a headcanon of the mun’s choice.

           his favorite color is pink! hands-down. he has a lot of favorite colors but it  always wins. the pink panther is one of his style heroes. i’m pretty sure that bitch doesn’t even wear clothes! 

           kennedy brand pink is like if you got a barbie dreamhouse, rosé wine, a shedding imitation-flamingo feather boa, a ‘cotton candy’ crayola, some chewed bubblegum, a very tacky lace thong, half a bottle of pepto… and just threw that shit in a wood-chipper.

[kinghoranshit]

This is Love (LT) Ch 15

Word Count: 1,210

I groaned when I heard my IPhone ring, but my irritation subsided a bit at the realization it was No Control by the boys. I reached over to grab my phone off the nightstand and I answered, "Yeah?"

"You're still sleeping?" she asked.

I rubbed my eyes as I sat up as much as I could. "Well, yeah. There's nothing else to do as I'm bedridden."

Katie chuckled. "You're ridiculous. There's tons to do. And I think I have a way to get you out of that bed."

My body went a little cold at her sly tone. She had a plan. It was safe to assume she was already on her way here. Lou probably wouldn't like it, but of course Katie didn't care. Oh, boy.

"What's your idea exactly?"

She definitely had a smirk on her face. "You'll see." Then the line went dead. Oh, this would be a hoot.

I decided to watch a Korean movie on Netflix, the best way to distract my mind and pass time.

***

"Hello!" her voice bounced throughout the house. I could hear feet pounding up the stairs and then down the hallway into our room.

"Hi," I replied softly. I couldn't stop the crocked brow at the item in her hands; a wheelchair. "Is that your plan?"

She nodded. "Uh huh. We're going antique shopping. Come on." She popped it out and rolled it over to my bedside. I guessed a wheelchair wouldn't be awful and I'd finally get out of the house. I hadn't left in roughly two weeks.

I turned the TV off and let her help me into the wheelchair. I had on a pair of grey sweats and an oversized crème cardigan with a white cami underneath it. I definitely was not going to change.

As soon as we reached the stairs I cursed a little. Why did Lou and I decide on a house with stairs? What're we going to do once I deliver? I wasn't too far off from that as I was thirty-two weeks.

Katie stopped the wheelchair, then squished herself past me. She reached her hands out for me to take and, without a second thought, she helped me down the stairs, one step at a time. I was pretty certain it took us five minutes. Katie took the stairs two at a time to get the wheelchair and she helped me back into it. Before we left, I made her grab one of my throw blankets.

The whole ordeal of her having me come with to go antique shopping seemed like a lot of work, but she knew I loved it. Honestly, I didn't care what Louis had to say. I woud enjoy every minute of this.

Katie parallel parked on one of the streets that was full of small antique shops and, of course, helped me. Without even asking, Katie took us to the coffee shop that was nearby and ordered me a hot Caramel Macchiato. She ordered herself an iced caramel coffee. Once I held both of our drinks, Katie pushed us off.

In our first shop, Katie pointed out a couple grey painted, distressed down crates that had little black chalk plaques on them. "Imagine having that in little naba cabbage's nursery! You could put her shoes in one of them and label it in a cute handwriting. Same with a certain set of clothes."

I gave her a small smile. "I like the idea. But I feel like that'd be more you. You should get them."

"You think?" she asked, scrunching up her nose, and picked up one of them.

"Yeah." I nodded. "I think Niall would like it too."

A wide smile spread on her lips; her true happy smile when she was completely elated at a thought. "Would you do the writing? You know my handwriting is shit."

I laughed lightly. "Of course, Kat."

Katie loaded the only three matching crates onto my lap and we continued on. She pointed out more things and talked about putting them in our nurseries. I tried to stay with her, but this one very apparent sad thought crossed my mind. For how long Katie and I had known each other, I never told her about the risk I had giving birth. Technically, my body shouldn't be able to handle any of this. There's a higher possibility of me dying while giving birth than there was of me living. Louis knew this, even Niall, Liam, Harry, and Hannah knew this, but not Katie.

Once she pointed to a cute pink, frilly, floral baby dress and said, "Imagine her wearing this! Too cute!" I crumbled.

"Katie, there's something I need to tell you..."

"What?" Her face became soft and her smile faded a little.

I cleared my throat and wiped the water from my eyes. "I should have told you sooner. The chance of me surviving this birth... It's miniscule."

She brushed back some of her hair, looking away for a moment as she nodded. "I know... Maddy, you've always been so tiny and I did the math. We're all hoping for the best though, you know that."

"Of course. You know I'll try my best." I smiled.

"Cause you're a stubborn fighter."

I rested a hand on her sixteen week belly. "Make sure they end up together, if I don't, okay?"

She smirked. "I'll try my best. I'll be the annoying mom, but they'll end up together."

"Good." I nodded then sighed. "How about we do some more looking around before heading back. Bet we could make it back before Lou gets back too."

"Duh." She rolled her eyes with a laugh and moved me forward.

***

I sighed heavily as I lowered down into bed. It was quite the day, but after our talk, I was more into getting things for her. I did get an adorable sign that said, 'Daddy's Little Princess and Mommy's Little Monster.' I thought putting it above the crib would be great.

Katie made sure I was alright before leaving. I munched on the puff popcorn and caramel bites as I watched Barbie's Dreamhouse on Netflix. About two episodes later, I heard the front door open and Louis walk around. A little while later, he trailed into our room, looking more tired than ever. Must've been a long day at the studio.

"How was writing?" I offered and rubbed his back after he flopped down on the bed.

"It was alright. Had to help a girl with vocals. I don't know what she's doing in this business. She's not good. I'm pretty sure her parents bought the record deal."

I smiled. "If anyone can make someone sound good when they're not, it's you and the boys."

He chuckled. "How was your day?"

I shrugged. "It was alright. Katie actually came to take me out to antique shops and I got a cute sign to put above her crib." I rubbed my hand over my protruding belly and looked down at it.

Louis leaned over and kissed it. "I'd be mad, but it was good for you to get out. I'm sure Katie took good care of you."

"Alwaysm" I replied. And she'ld help take care of our baby if I didn't make it.

Next: Ch 16

[Masterlist]